| 0 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
1 |
Michael |
All right Jim. Your quarterlies look very good. How are things at the library? |
| 1 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
1 |
Jim |
Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it. So... |
| 2 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
1 |
Michael |
So you've come to the master for guidance? Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? |
| 3 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
1 |
Jim |
Actually, you called me in here, but yeah. |
| 4 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
1 |
Michael |
All right. Well, let me show you how it's done. |
| 5 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
2 |
Michael |
Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. Just wanted to talk to you manager-a-manger. All right. Done deal. Thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. OK. I'm sorry. My mistake. That was a woman I was talking to, so... She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker, so... So that's the way it's done. |
| 6 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Michael |
I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years, the last four as Regional Manager. If you want to come through here... See we have the entire floor. So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see. This is our receptionist, Pam. Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam? |
| 7 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Pam |
Well. I don't know. |
| 8 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Michael |
If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago. |
| 9 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Pam |
What? |
| 10 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Michael |
Any messages? |
| 11 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Pam |
Uh, yeah. Just a fax. |
| 12 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Michael |
Oh! Pam, this is from Corporate. How many times have I told you? There's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate. |
| 13 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Pam |
You haven't told me. |
| 14 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
3 |
Michael |
It's called the wastepaper basket! Look at that! Look at that face. |
| 15 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
4 |
Michael |
People say I am the best boss. They go, "God we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious." "And you get the best out of us." I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts. |
| 16 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
5 |
Dwight |
Shall I play for you? Pa rum pump um pum I have no gifts for you. Pa rum pump um pum |
| 17 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
6 |
Jim |
My job is to speak to clients on the phone about... uh, quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them. Whether they can pay for it. And... I'm boring myself just talking about this. |
| 18 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
Whassup! |
| 19 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Jim |
Whassup! I still love that after seven years. |
| 20 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
Whassup! |
| 21 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Dwight |
Whassup! |
| 22 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
Whass...up! |
| 23 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Dwight |
Whassup. |
| 24 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
What? |
| 25 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Jim |
Nothing. |
| 26 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
OK. All right. See you later. |
| 27 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Jim |
All right. Take care. |
| 28 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
7 |
Michael |
Back to work. |
| 29 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
8 |
Jan |
Just before lunch. That would be great. |
| 30 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
9 |
Michael |
Corporate really doesn't really interfere with me at all. Jan Levinson Gould. Jan, hello. I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But, um... Yeah. |
| 31 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
Alright, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda? |
| 32 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Um... Me no get an agenda. |
| 33 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
What? I'm sorry? |
| 34 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
I didn't get any agenda. |
| 35 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
Well, I faxed one over to you this morning. |
| 36 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Really? I didn't... Did we get a fax this morning? |
| 37 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Pam |
Uh, yeah, the one... |
| 38 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Why isn't it in my hand? A company runs on efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem, Pam? Why didn't I get it? |
| 39 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Pam |
You put in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet. |
| 40 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Yeah, that was a joke. That was a joke that was actually my brother's, and... It was supposed to be with bills and it doesn't work great with faxes. |
| 41 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
Do you want to look at mine? |
| 42 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Thank you. |
| 43 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
OK. Since the last meeting, Ellen and the board have decided we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stamford branch. |
| 44 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
OK... |
| 45 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
Michael, don't panic. |
| 46 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, this is good. This is good. This is fine. Excellent. |
| 47 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
No, no, no, Michael, listen OK. Don't panic. We haven't made... We haven't decided. |
| 48 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
All the alarm bells are kind of going... ringie-dingie-ding! |
| 49 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. I've told him the same as you and it's up to either him or you to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other. |
| 50 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
OK. No problem. |
| 51 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Jan |
This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing. |
| 52 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
10 |
Michael |
Me no wanna hear that, Jan. Because downsizing is a bitch. It is a real bitch. And I wouldn't wish that on Josh's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. Or women, present company excluded. Sorry. Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing? |
| 53 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
Question. How long do we have to... Oh uh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it? |
| 54 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Jan |
Go ahead. |
| 55 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
Packman. |
| 56 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, you big queen. |
| 57 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
Oh, that's not appropriate. |
| 58 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today? |
| 59 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
Uh, I don't know what you mean. |
| 60 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Todd Packer |
I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes? |
| 61 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
Oh, my God! Oh! That's... horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person. |
| 62 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Jan |
So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily. |
| 63 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
11 |
Michael |
No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office. Like that. |
| 64 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
12 |
Phyllis |
So what does downsizing actually mean? |
| 65 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
12 |
Stanley |
Well... |
| 66 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
13 |
Oscar |
You guys better update your resumes just like I'm doing. |
| 67 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
14 |
Angela |
I bet it's gonna be me. Probably gonna be me. |
| 68 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
14 |
Kevin |
Yeah, it'll be you. |
| 69 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
15 |
Pam |
I have an important question for you. |
| 70 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
15 |
Jim |
Yes? |
| 71 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
15 |
Pam |
Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday? |
| 72 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
15 |
Jim |
Yeah, stop. That is ridiculous. |
| 73 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
16 |
Michael |
Am I going to tell them? No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer. |
| 74 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 75 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 76 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Pam |
This is Mr. Scott. |
| 77 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Michael |
Guilty! Guilty as charged! |
| 78 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Ryan |
Ryan Howard from the temp agency. Daniqua sent me down to start today. |
| 79 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Michael |
Howard, like Moe Howard. Three Stooges. |
| 80 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Ryan |
Yup. |
| 81 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
17 |
Michael |
Watch this. This is Moe. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck. Mee! Ah, right here. Three Stooges. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this. Here we go. I'm Hitler. Adolf Hitler. |
| 82 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
18 |
Pam |
I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go because then I might... I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. I like to do illustrations. Um... Mostly watercolor. A few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good. |
| 83 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
18 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. |
| 84 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Jim |
Sure. Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing? |
| 85 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 86 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 87 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate. |
| 88 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Jim |
It's not on your desk. |
| 89 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation. |
| 90 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
You can't do that. |
| 91 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Jim |
Why not? |
| 92 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ. |
| 93 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Jim |
We'll see. This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me. |
| 94 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
19 |
Dwight |
Downsizing? |
| 95 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
20 |
Dwight |
Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on. |
| 96 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Pam |
You just still have these messages from yesterday. |
| 97 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Michael |
Relax. Everything's under control. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's important. Right. Oh this is so important, I should run to answer it. |
| 98 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Pam |
What? |
| 99 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Michael |
Come on. Six-Million Dollar Man! Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan. I deserve a raise. |
| 100 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Pam |
Don't we all? |
| 101 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Michael |
I'm sorry? |
| 102 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Pam |
Nothing. |
| 103 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
21 |
Michael |
If you're unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with HR. OK. Not today, OK? Pam, just be professional. |
| 104 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
22 |
Michael |
I think I'm a role model here. I think I garner people's respect. Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. We have a meeting in the conference room, ASAP. |
| 105 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
23 |
Michael |
People I respect, heroes of mine, would be Bob Hope... Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable. |
| 106 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
Now I know there's some rumors out there and I just kind of want to set the record straight. |
| 107 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Dwight |
I'm Assistant Regional Manager. I should know first. |
| 108 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
| 109 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Dwight |
OK, um, can you just tell me please? Just tell me quietly. Can you whisper it in my ear? |
| 110 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
I'm about to tell everybody. I'm just about to tell everybody. |
| 111 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Oscar |
Can't you just tell us. |
| 112 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Dwight |
Please, OK? Do you want me to tell 'em? |
| 113 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
You don't know what it is. |
| 114 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Dwight |
OK. You tell 'em. With my permission. Permission granted. |
| 115 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
I don't need your permission. |
| 116 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Dwight |
Go ahead. |
| 117 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
24 |
Michael |
Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me. And Jan is thinking about downsizing either the Stamford branch or this branch. |
| 118 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
25 |
Ryan |
I heard they might be closing this branch down. That's just the rumor going around. This is my first day. I don't really know. |
| 119 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Oscar |
Yeah but Michael, what if they downsize here? |
| 120 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
Not gonna happen. |
| 121 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Stanley |
It could be out of your hands Michael. |
| 122 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
It won't be out of my hands Stanley, OK. I promise you that. |
| 123 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Stanley |
Can you promise that? |
| 124 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Dwight |
On his mother's grave. |
| 125 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
No. |
| 126 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Phyllis |
What? |
| 127 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
Well, yeah, it is a promise. And frankly, I'm a little insulted that you have to keep asking about it. |
| 128 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Stanley |
It's just that we need to know. |
| 129 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
I know. Hold on a second. I think Pam wanted to say something. Pam, you had a look that you wanted to ask a question just then. |
| 130 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Pam |
I was in the meeting with Jan and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe. |
| 131 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Man |
Are you sure about that? |
| 132 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
Well, Pam maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings. |
| 133 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Dwight |
Pam, information is power. |
| 134 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Stanley |
You can't say for sure whether it'll be us or them, can you? |
| 135 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
26 |
Michael |
No, Stanley. No, you did not see me in there with her. I said if Corporate wants to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to go through me. Right? You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin. |
| 136 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
27 |
Jim |
If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry. |
| 137 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
28 |
Pam |
Jim said mixed berries? Well, yeah, he's on to me. Um... |
| 138 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Michael |
Watch out for this guy. Dwight Schrute in the building. This is Ryan, the new temp. |
| 139 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Ryan |
What's up? Nice to meet you. |
| 140 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Michael |
Introduce yourself. Be polite. |
| 141 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 142 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Michael |
Assistant to the Regional Manager. So, uh, Dwight tell him about the kung fu and the car and everything. |
| 143 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Dwight |
Uh... yeah I got a '78 280Z. Bought it for $1,200. Fixed it up. It's now worth three grand. |
| 144 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Michael |
That's his profit. |
| 145 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
29 |
Dwight |
New engine, new suspension, I got a respray. I've got some photos. |
| 146 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
30 |
Dwight |
Damn it! Jim! |
| 147 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
30 |
Michael |
OK. Hold on, hold on. The judge is in session. What is the problem here? |
| 148 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
30 |
Dwight |
He put my stuff in Jell-O again. |
| 149 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
30 |
Dwight |
That's real professional thanks. That's the third time and it wasn't funny the first two times either Jim. |
| 150 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
31 |
Dwight |
It's OK here, but people sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. I'm a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. That's sort of one of the rules. |
| 151 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
What is that? |
| 152 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Dwight |
That is my stapler. |
| 153 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
No, no, no. Do not take it out. You have to eat it out of there, because there are starving people in the world which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food. |
| 154 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Dwight |
OK you know what, you can be a witness. Can you reprimand him? |
| 155 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Jim |
How do you know it was me? |
| 156 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Dwight |
It's always you. Are you going to discipline him or not? |
| 157 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
Discipline. Kinky! All right, here's the deal you guys. The thing about a practical joke is you have to know when to start and as well as when to stop. |
| 158 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 159 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
And yeah, Jim this is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O. |
| 160 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Jim |
OK. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I have always been your biggest flan. |
| 161 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
Nice. That's the way it is around here. It just kind of goes round and round. |
| 162 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Ryan |
You should've put him in custardy. |
| 163 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
Hey! Yes! New guy! He scores. |
| 164 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Dwight |
OK, that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all. |
| 165 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
32 |
Michael |
Pudding. Pudding... I'm trying to think of another dessert to do. |
| 166 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Jim |
Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink? |
| 167 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 168 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Jim |
That's why we're all going out. So we can have an end-of-the-week-drink. |
| 169 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Pam |
So when are we going out? |
| 170 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Jim |
Tonight, hopefully. |
| 171 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Pam |
OK. Yeah. |
| 172 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Roy |
Hey, man. |
| 173 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Jim |
What's going on? |
| 174 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Roy |
Hey, baby. |
| 175 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
33 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 176 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
34 |
Pam |
Roy's my fiance. We've been engaged about three years. We were supposed to get married in September but I think we're gonna get married in the spring. |
| 177 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Pam |
Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys? |
| 178 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Roy |
No, no. Come on. Let's get out of here and go home. |
| 179 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Pam |
OK. I'm gonna be a few minutes. So it's only twenty past five. I still have to do my faxes. |
| 180 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Jim |
You know what? You should come with us. Because you know we're all going out and it could be a good chance for you to see what people are like outside the office. I think it could be fun. |
| 181 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Roy |
It sounds good. Seriously, we've gotta get going. |
| 182 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 183 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Jim |
Um... What's in the bag? |
| 184 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Roy |
Just tell her I'll talk to her later. |
| 185 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
35 |
Jim |
No, definitely. All right, dude. Awesome. Will do. |
| 186 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
36 |
Jim |
Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding? |
| 187 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
So have you felt the vibe yet? We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. Right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third. Just a second. Right? Oh, hey do you like The Jamie Kennedy Experiment? Punk'd and all that kind of stuff? |
| 188 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 189 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
You are gonna be my accomplice. Just go along with it, OK? |
| 190 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Ryan |
All right. |
| 191 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
Just follow my lead. Don't pimp me, all right? Come in. So, uh, Corporate just said that I don't want to... |
| 192 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
You got a fax. |
| 193 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. Pam, can you come in here for a sec. Just have a seat. I was gonna call you in anyway. You know Ryan. As you know, there is going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first. |
| 194 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
What? Why? |
| 195 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
Why? Well, theft and stealing. |
| 196 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
Stealing? What am I supposed to have stolen? |
| 197 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
Post-it Notes. |
| 198 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
Post-it Notes? What are those worth, 50 cents? |
| 199 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
50 cents, yeah. If you steal a thousand Post-It Notes at 50 cents apiece, and you know, you've made a profit... margin. You're gonna run us out of business, Pam. |
| 200 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
Are you serious? |
| 201 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
Yeah. I am. |
| 202 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
I can't believe this. I mean I have never even stolen as much as a paperclip and you're firing me. |
| 203 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
But the best thing about it is that we're not going to have to give you any severance pay. Because that is gross misconduct and... Just clean out your desk. I'm sorry. |
| 204 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
You been X'd punk! Surprise! It's a joke. We were joking around. See? OK. He was in on it. He was my accomplice. And it was kind of a morale booster thing. And we were showing the new guy around, giving him the feel of the place. So you... God, we totally got you. |
| 205 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Pam |
You're a jerk. |
| 206 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
37 |
Michael |
I don't know about that. |
| 207 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
38 |
Michael |
What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17% or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. He came to me, and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow. Wow. Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked. |
| 208 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 209 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 210 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
How are things? |
| 211 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Good. I thought you were going out for a drink with... |
| 212 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Oh no, I just decided not to. How's your headache? |
| 213 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
It's better, thanks. |
| 214 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Good. Good. |
| 215 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 216 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
That's great |
| 217 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Is...? |
| 218 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 219 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Um... Are you... |
| 220 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Am I walking out? |
| 221 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 222 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Yes, I... Do you want to... |
| 223 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 224 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Great. Let me just... |
| 225 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Oh, Roy. |
| 226 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Pam |
Yeah. Listen, have a nice weekend. |
| 227 |
1 |
1 |
Pilot |
39 |
Jim |
Yeah, definitely. You too. Enjoy it. You know what, just come here. |
| 228 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
40 |
Michael |
Hey, uh, can I help you out in here? |
| 229 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
40 |
Mr. Brown |
Oh, I'm all set, thanks. |
| 230 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
40 |
Michael |
Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows. That's a good idea. |
| 231 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
41 |
Michael |
Today is diversity day and someone's going to come in and talk to us about diversity. It's something that I've been pushing, that I've been wanting to push, for a long time and Corporate mandated it. And I never actually talked to Corporate about it. They kind of beat me to the punch, the bastards. But I was going to. And I think it's very important that we have this. I'm very, very excited. |
| 232 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Jim |
That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, "100% post-consumer content." What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second. |
| 233 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Jim |
Do you really have to do that right now? |
| 234 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Dwight |
Yes I do. I should have done it weeks ago actually. |
| 235 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Jim |
Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... Hello? Thanks, Dwight. |
| 236 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Dwight |
Retaliation. Tit for tit. |
| 237 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Jim |
That is not the expression. |
| 238 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
42 |
Dwight |
Well, it should be. |
| 239 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
43 |
Jim |
This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right? |
| 240 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Jim |
Solitaire? |
| 241 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Pam |
Yeah, Freecell. |
| 242 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Jim |
Six on seven. |
| 243 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Pam |
I know. I saw that. |
| 244 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Jim |
So then, why didn't you do it? |
| 245 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Pam |
I'm saving that 'cause I like it when the cards go T-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch. |
| 246 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
44 |
Jim |
Who doesn't love that? |
| 247 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
Hey, Oscar! How are you doing, man? |
| 248 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Oscar |
All right. |
| 249 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
Did you have a good weekend going there? |
| 250 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Oscar |
It was fine. |
| 251 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
Oh yeah, I bet it was fun. Oh, hey! This is Oscar--- |
| 252 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Oscar |
Martinez. |
| 253 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
Right. See? I don't even know, first-name basis! |
| 254 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Mr. Brown |
Great. We're all set. |
| 255 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody, let's do it. Oscar works in... here. Jim, could you wrap it up, please? |
| 256 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Jim |
Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please. |
| 257 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Michael |
It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day. |
| 258 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
45 |
Jim |
You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that. |
| 259 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great. |
| 260 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Come on people, let's get 'em in. Get in the cards! Get in the cards! |
| 261 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance. |
| 262 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race. |
| 263 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Uh, see this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind. |
| 264 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Exactly, were not... |
| 265 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance. |
| 266 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
With tolerance. |
| 267 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
No. With more ignorance. |
| 268 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Ignorance. |
| 269 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Right. Exactly. Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity. |
| 270 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Let's celebrate. |
| 271 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Right. OK. |
| 272 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity. Right? |
| 273 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Yes, exactly. Now here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that... |
| 274 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody... everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go. |
| 275 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Dwight |
I have two. White and Indian. |
| 276 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission? |
| 277 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 278 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you were seated. |
| 279 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 280 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Thank you. OK. Now, at the start of the session, I had you all write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. Now, what I'm going to do is choose one and we're going to act it out. |
| 281 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Dwight |
A few of the ground rules? |
| 282 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him. |
| 283 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Dwight |
OK, can we steer away from gay people? |
| 284 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Um... |
| 285 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so...paradox. |
| 286 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Well, we only have an hour. |
| 287 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Dwight |
I figured it would save time. |
| 288 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr... |
| 289 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Mr. Brown. |
| 290 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Michael |
Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that. |
| 291 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
46 |
Mr. Brown |
Well, it's my name. It's not a test. OK? Um, so looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? Very good. OK. |
| 292 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
47 |
Michael |
How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black? |
| 293 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Mr. Brown |
So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome. |
| 294 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Michael |
I will play the Chris Rock guy. I would like to see someone else pull this off. |
| 295 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Mr. Brown |
Well, let's have someone who wasn't involved in the reenactment. |
| 296 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Michael |
OK, I will play guy listening. |
| 297 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Mr. Brown |
Great. Guy listening. Ok, anyone else remember? |
| 298 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Kevin |
I remember. |
| 299 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Mr. Brown |
Great. You're the Chris Rock guy and you're guy listening. |
| 300 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
48 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 301 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
49 |
Michael |
Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much of an entertainer. |
| 302 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Kevin |
Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess. |
| 303 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Michael |
OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's ruin... He's butchering it. Could you just let me... Every time... Every time black people want to have a good time, some ignant ass... I take care of my kid! |
| 304 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Mr. Brown |
Wait a second. |
| 305 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Michael |
They always want credit for something they supPOSED to do! |
| 306 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Mr. Brown |
Stop it! |
| 307 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
50 |
Michael |
What you want a cookie? |
| 308 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness. |
| 309 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. |
| 310 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
Oh, great. Well, what is a hero to you? |
| 311 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Dwight |
A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. |
| 312 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
OK. |
| 313 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Dwight |
A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster that must be avenged. |
| 314 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
Ok, you're thinking of a superhero. |
| 315 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Dwight |
We all have a hero in our heart. |
| 316 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
Now, I need you to take these forms. This kind of expresses the joint experience we had today. And I need you to look 'em over and sign them as kind of a group pledge. |
| 317 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Michael |
I don't think I can sign this. |
| 318 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
I can't leave until you do. |
| 319 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Michael |
Well, OK, it says here that I learned something and I knew all this stuff already, so... I know, I could sign something that says that I taught something, or that I helped you teach something, so... Pam! Where is she? Pam, could we change something on this? |
| 320 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Mr. Brown |
Michael, can I talk to you candidly? |
| 321 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
51 |
Michael |
Sure. |
| 322 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
We both know that I'm here because of the comments you made. |
| 323 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
Here's the thing. This office, I think this is very advanced in terms of... racial awareness and it's probably more advanced than you're used to. That's probably throwing you off a little bit. |
| 324 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
Um, it's not throwing me. I need your signature. |
| 325 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
OK, well I know. You told me that several times. |
| 326 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
Yes, but you're not listening to me. Yours is the only signature I need. |
| 327 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 328 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
Those are my instructions from the Corporate offices to put you through this seminar for the comments that you made. The reason I made copies for everyone was so you wouldn't be embarrassed. |
| 329 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
Well, here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training. And you don't. |
| 330 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
Don't worry about dating. |
| 331 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
I won't. |
| 332 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Mr. Brown |
OK. Thank you. |
| 333 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
52 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 334 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
53 |
Michael |
"I regret my actions. I regret offending my coworkers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness..." Open-mindedness, is that even a word? "...into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck." He's going to lose it when he reads that. |
| 335 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
54 |
Jim |
Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Decker around? Oh, well, could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you. |
| 336 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
54 |
Michael |
"I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart." I do believe... in that part of the pledge I that just read. But a pledge? Come on. I mean who are we, the Girl Scouts? No. Look... the guy, "Mr. Brown," he got us halfway there. He got us talking. Well, no. I got us talking. He got us nothing. He insulted us and he abandoned us. You call that diversity training? I don't. Were there any connections between any of us? Did anyone look each other in the eye? Was there any emotion going on? No. Where was the heart? I didn't see any heart. Where was my Oprah moment? OK, get as much done as you can before lunch because, afterward, I'm going to have you all in tears. |
| 337 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
55 |
Michael |
All right? Everybody pretty? Come on. Here we go. It's time. Let's do some good. |
| 338 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
55 |
Toby |
Hey, we're not all going to sit in a circle Indian style are we? |
| 339 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
55 |
Michael |
Get out. |
| 340 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
55 |
Toby |
I'm sorry. |
| 341 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
55 |
Michael |
No, this is not a joke. OK? That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here. OK, let's go. Let's do it. Come on. Let's have some fun, everybody. Here we go. Take a seat. Cop a squat. And um... thanks for coming in. Um... Diversity... is the cornerstone of progress as I've always said. But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at the tape. |
| 342 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
56 |
Michael |
Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace. |
| 343 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
OK. Questions? Comments? Anybody? Jim? |
| 344 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Jim |
: Uh, is that it? |
| 345 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Yes. I only had an hour to put it together but I'm going to add on to it later on. |
| 346 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Kevin |
It was kind of hard to hear. |
| 347 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Uh, yes. That probably had something to do with the camera work. Anybody else? Um... |
| 348 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Kelly |
I have a customer meeting. |
| 349 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, if you leave we'll only have two left. Yes. Enjoy. Absolutely. Namaste. Ok, well since I am leading this, let's get down to business and why don't I just kind of introduce myself, OK? Um. I am Michael and I am part English, Irish, German and Scottish. Sort of a virtual United Nations. But what some of you might not know is that I am also part Native American Indian. |
| 350 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
What part Native American? |
| 351 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Two fifteenths. |
| 352 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
Two fifteenths, that fraction doesn't make any sense. |
| 353 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Well, you know what, it's kind of hard for me to talk about it. Their suffering. So who else? Let's get this popping. Come on. Who's going? Who's going? Let's go here. Oscar, right here. You're on. |
| 354 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
OK, Michael, um... Both my parents were born in Mexico. |
| 355 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah... |
| 356 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
And, uh, they moved to the United Sates a year before I was born. So I grew up in the United States. |
| 357 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 358 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
My parents were Mexican. |
| 359 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Wow. That is... That is a great story. That's the American Dream right there, right? |
| 360 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
Thank... Yeah... |
| 361 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
| 362 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
Mexican isn't offensive. |
| 363 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Well, it has certain connotations. |
| 364 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
Like what? |
| 365 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
Like... I don't... I don't know. |
| 366 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
What connotations, Michael? You meant something. |
| 367 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
No. Now, remember that honesty... |
| 368 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Oscar |
I'm just curious. |
| 369 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Michael |
...empathy, respect... Jim! Jim! |
| 370 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
57 |
Jim |
Hello? Hello? |
| 371 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
58 |
Michael |
I have something here. I want you to take a card. Put it on your fore... Don't look at the card. I want you to take the card and put it on your forehead and... Take a card, take a card, any card. Um... And I want you to treat other people like the race that is on their forehead. OK? So everybody has a different race. Nobody knows what their race is, so... I want you to really go for it, cause this is real. You know, this isn't just an exercise. This is real life. And... I have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly. Get 'er done. |
| 372 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
59 |
Michael |
Why? Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine. There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King tend to be more violent. I'm not going to do it but it's... |
| 373 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Michael |
Oh this is a good one. |
| 374 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
Um, hi. How are you? |
| 375 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Stanley |
Fine. How are you? |
| 376 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 377 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Michael |
Push it. |
| 378 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Stanley |
I admire your culture's success in America. |
| 379 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 380 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Michael |
Good. Bom bom bom-bom bom. Come on Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on. |
| 381 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Stanley |
Who am I supposed to be? |
| 382 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Michael |
No, that was inadvertent. We didn't actually plan that. |
| 383 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Dwight |
Lots of cultures eat rice, doesn't help me. |
| 384 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Dwight |
Um... Shalom. I'd like to apply for a loan. |
| 385 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
That's nice, Dwight. |
| 386 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Dwight |
OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick. |
| 387 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
OK, I like your food. |
| 388 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Dwight |
Outback steakhouse. I'm Australian, mate! |
| 389 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Michael |
Pam, come on. "I like your food." Come on stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real. |
| 390 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Pam |
OK. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver. |
| 391 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
60 |
Dwight |
Oh, man, am I a woman? |
| 392 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
61 |
Michael |
You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended. But I just though. "Too soon for Arabs." Maybe next year. Um... You know, the ball's in their court. |
| 393 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Jim |
What are you watching? |
| 394 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Ryan |
Chappelle's Show. |
| 395 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 396 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Ryan |
I downloaded it on her computer. I hope she doesn't mind. She just had a lot of extra space. |
| 397 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Jim |
No way. I think she likes this stuff. |
| 398 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Ryan |
Great. She's cute, huh? |
| 399 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Jim |
Yeah, you know, she's engaged, but... |
| 400 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Ryan |
Oh, no, the girl in the... sketch. |
| 401 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
62 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. She's hot. |
| 402 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Kevin |
Hey. |
| 403 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Angela |
Hey. |
| 404 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Kevin |
You wanna go to the beach? |
| 405 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Angela |
Sure. |
| 406 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Kevin |
You wanna get high? |
| 407 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Angela |
No. |
| 408 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Kevin |
I think you do, mon. |
| 409 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Angela |
Stop... |
| 410 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
63 |
Michael |
OK. All right. No. It's good. You just need to push it. You need to go a little bit further. All right. OK. |
| 411 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
64 |
Michael |
Kelly, how are you? |
| 412 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
64 |
Kelly |
I just had the longest meeting. |
| 413 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
64 |
Michael |
Oh! Welcome to my convenience store. Would you like some googi googi? I have some very delicious googi, googi, only 99 cents plus tax. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my... |
| 414 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
64 |
Michael |
All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Now she knows what it's like to be a minority. |
| 415 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
65 |
Jim |
Mr. Decker, we didn't lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. OK. Let me just get your... what's that? No, we didn't close last time. I just need your... Oh. W-What code were you given? Oh, OK. That's actually another salesman here. I can redo it if you want to do that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No, I don't blame you. |
| 416 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Michael |
I just hated it when that guy was in here. Mr. Brown, if that was his real name. I mean, he had never met any of us before, and here he was telling us how to do our thing. I just wanted... I just wanted to do it our way. You know? On our own. Man I should have gotten some food. |
| 417 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Kevin |
Maybe some spagh-etti. |
| 418 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Michael |
Okay, Kevin. You can take that off that thing, OK? That would really, really have shown him up, wouldn't it? If I'd brought in some burritos or some colored greens. Or some pad Thai. I love pad Thai. |
| 419 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Stanley |
It's collard greens. |
| 420 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Michael |
What? |
| 421 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Stanley |
It's collard greens. |
| 422 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
66 |
Michael |
That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive. Hmmm... OK, well, it's after five. So... Thank you very much. Buena vista Oscar. Thank you. Good job. Oh, my man. Thank you Brazil. Nice. |
| 423 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Jim |
Um... Hey. |
| 424 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Pam |
Mmmm. |
| 425 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 426 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 427 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Jim |
We can go. |
| 428 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 429 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
67 |
Jim |
That's fine. |
| 430 |
1 |
2 |
Diversity Day |
68 |
Jim |
Uh... Not a bad day. |
| 431 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Michael |
Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies. |
| 432 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Pam |
I'm not making any copies. |
| 433 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Michael |
Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway. |
| 434 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Pam |
Nothing new. |
| 435 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Michael |
Lay them on me. What? |
| 436 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Pam |
There's nothing new. |
| 437 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Michael |
That's not what you said earlier. |
| 438 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
69 |
Pam |
Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the... |
| 439 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
70 |
Michael |
The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist. |
| 440 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
So, which health plan have you decided on? |
| 441 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works. |
| 442 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
Wait, acupuncture? None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely Michael? |
| 443 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan. |
| 444 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
The Gold Plan? I'm not even on that plan. |
| 445 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good. |
| 446 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 447 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
You gotta crack these things open. |
| 448 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
You know the whole reason that we're doing this, is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and choose the cheapest plan. |
| 449 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice. |
| 450 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
It's your job. So... |
| 451 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
Well, it's a suicide mission, you know. |
| 452 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
Michael... maybe... I mean... |
| 453 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
There, there... |
| 454 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time. |
| 455 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Michael |
When have you ever done that? |
| 456 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
71 |
Jan |
I'm doing it right now. To you. |
| 457 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Jim |
Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... have you seen it? |
| 458 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Pam |
No. I have a life. |
| 459 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Jim |
Interesting, what's that like? |
| 460 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Pam |
You should try it sometime. |
| 461 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Jim |
Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That is... |
| 462 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Pam |
... your problem. |
| 463 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
72 |
Michael |
Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah. |
| 464 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Michael |
There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers. |
| 465 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Jim |
Gosh. |
| 466 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 467 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Jim |
That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales. |
| 468 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 469 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
73 |
Jim |
Yeah. I just don't think this is the kind of task, that I... am going to do. You know who would be great for this? |
| 470 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
74 |
Jim |
Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it. |
| 471 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
75 |
Dwight |
Yes. I can do it. I'm your man. |
| 472 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
76 |
Jim |
Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company then this would be my career. And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. |
| 473 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Dwight |
OK, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire? |
| 474 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Michael |
Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan. |
| 475 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Dwight |
OK, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'll need an office. I think the conference room should be fine. |
| 476 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Michael |
You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace. |
| 477 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Dwight |
Yes, I have an office. Bigger than his. |
| 478 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Michael |
Nope, you cannot use it. |
| 479 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Dwight |
OK, I take it back, it's a workspace. |
| 480 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Michael |
Temporary workspace. You can use it. |
| 481 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
77 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 482 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
78 |
Michael |
If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already. |
| 483 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
79 |
Dwight |
What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. |
| 484 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
79 |
Dwight |
In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead. |
| 485 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
80 |
Stanley |
There's no dental, there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible. |
| 486 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 487 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Michael |
Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks? |
| 488 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
Where are you? |
| 489 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Michael |
Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there? |
| 490 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
Actually, people are really unhappy. Um, Dwight sent around this memo and people are freaking out 'cause the... |
| 491 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Michael |
Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call. |
| 492 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
No you're not. |
| 493 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Michael |
I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce? |
| 494 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 495 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Michael |
Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this. |
| 496 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
81 |
Pam |
Still no one calling. |
| 497 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Pam |
Dwight, what... |
| 498 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Uh, knock, please. Please knock. This is an office. |
| 499 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
It says "workspace". |
| 500 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Same thing. |
| 501 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
If it's the same thing, then why did you write "workspace"? |
| 502 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Just knock, Please? As a sign of respect for your superior. |
| 503 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
You are not my superior. |
| 504 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Oh gee, then why do I have an office? |
| 505 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
I thought it was a workspace? |
| 506 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Pam |
OK. Dwight. Are you really in charge of picking the health care plan? |
| 507 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Yes. And my decision in final. |
| 508 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Pam |
This is a ridiculously awful plan. Because you cut everything. |
| 509 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Aww, times are tough, Pam. Deal with it. |
| 510 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
You cut more than you had to, didn't you? |
| 511 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Sure. |
| 512 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
Well, why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance? |
| 513 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system. |
| 514 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Jim |
OK, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies. |
| 515 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. |
| 516 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Pam |
Why would you want to raise your cholesterol? |
| 517 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
82 |
Dwight |
So I can lower it. |
| 518 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
83 |
Oscar |
He literally won't come out of his office. |
| 519 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
83 |
Kevin |
He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom. |
| 520 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
83 |
Angela |
Kevin! That's inappropriate. |
| 521 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Oscar |
Michael, can I talk to you? |
| 522 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check? |
| 523 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Meredith |
Michael. Michael, please, can we talk to you about this memo? |
| 524 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
Ah, what? Which memo? |
| 525 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Pam |
Dwight's health care memo. I told you about it. |
| 526 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
Is it a good plan? |
| 527 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Dwight |
It's a great plan. It saves the company a fortune. |
| 528 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Oscar |
It's like a pay decrease. |
| 529 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Pam |
Michael, he made huge cuts. |
| 530 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts? |
| 531 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Dwight |
Yeah, you said... |
| 532 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK? |
| 533 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Dwight |
I can handle that. |
| 534 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
84 |
Michael |
OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right? |
| 535 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Oscar |
This is not good. |
| 536 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Angela |
It's ridiculous. Did you talk to him? |
| 537 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Oscar |
What was that? |
| 538 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Angela |
You let him walk all over you. It's just pathetic. |
| 539 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Kevin |
What are you guys talking about? |
| 540 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
85 |
Angela |
Nothing, Kevin. |
| 541 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
86 |
Dwight |
OK, everyone. Gather round. Step forward. It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered and I'll see what I can do. |
| 542 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
86 |
Jim |
OK, you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential. |
| 543 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
86 |
Dwight |
OK, well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or, don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good. I'll be in my office. |
| 544 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
86 |
Jim |
Workspace. |
| 545 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
87 |
Michael |
You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise. |
| 546 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
87 |
Pam |
Where are you going? |
| 547 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
87 |
Michael |
Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. Couldn't find the knob. |
| 548 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
88 |
Michael |
So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend. |
| 549 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
88 |
Travel Agent |
I don't know of anything like that, but, um, you know what you might want to do, is just call those casinos directly. Um, maybe? |
| 550 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
88 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so... |
| 551 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Jim |
Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both. |
| 552 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Pam |
I'm inventing new diseases. |
| 553 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Jim |
Oh, great. |
| 554 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Pam |
So, let's say my teeth turn to liquid and then, they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that? |
| 555 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Jim |
I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion. |
| 556 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Pam |
Nice. |
| 557 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
89 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 558 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Michael |
Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride. |
| 559 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Man on Phone |
You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride. |
| 560 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Michael |
Its says here that it's a 300ft drop. |
| 561 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Man on Phone |
It goes 300 feet into the earth, but it moves really slowly. |
| 562 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Michael |
So it's not a free fall? |
| 563 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Man on Phone |
It's an industrial coal elevator. |
| 564 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
90 |
Michael |
Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something? |
| 565 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
91 |
Michael |
OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway? |
| 566 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
Damnit! Damnit Jim! |
| 567 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them. |
| 568 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? |
| 569 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
Uh, someone forged, uh, medical information and that is a felony. |
| 570 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Jim |
OK, whoa. 'Cause that is a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? |
| 571 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection. |
| 572 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
You did this, didn't you? |
| 573 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Jim |
Absolutely not. |
| 574 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
Yes you did. |
| 575 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Jim |
No I didn't. |
| 576 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
92 |
Dwight |
I know it was you. Fine. You know what? I'll have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for any one! |
| 577 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
93 |
Jim |
Killer nanorobots? |
| 578 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
93 |
Pam |
It's an epidemic. |
| 579 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need, because someone in this office is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff. "Count Choculitis" |
| 580 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Jim |
Sounds tough. |
| 581 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? |
| 582 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Jim |
Do you? |
| 583 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
I think you need to confess... |
| 584 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Jim |
Mmm hmm. |
| 585 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
...the fact... |
| 586 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 587 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? Those are my keys. |
| 588 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Jim |
Good luck. |
| 589 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Dwight |
Jim! Damnit! No! Jim! Let me out! Jim! Let... |
| 590 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
94 |
Stanley |
...the light green or green... |
| 591 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
Jim Halpert. |
| 592 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Let me out. |
| 593 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
Who is this? |
| 594 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Let me out or you're fired. |
| 595 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
No, you can't fire me. |
| 596 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Yes I can. I'm manager for the day. Clean out your desk. |
| 597 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
OK, can you hold on? I'm getting the, ah, beep. ] Jim Halpert. |
| 598 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
Hey, Jim. It's Pam. |
| 599 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
Hey Pam! How are you? |
| 600 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Jim! Open the door! |
| 601 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
Good, how are you? Busy? |
| 602 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
I'm doing OK. Getting excited for the weekend though. What are you up to? |
| 603 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Jim! |
| 604 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
Um, I'm not bothering you, am I? |
| 605 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
No, not at all. |
| 606 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
You don't have anything you're doing? |
| 607 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
I have nothing to do. |
| 608 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Jim! |
| 609 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
Oh great. Um, no, this weekend? Nothing. I'm not really doing anything. |
| 610 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Jim! |
| 611 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
Oh yeah? |
| 612 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
I might go to the mall. |
| 613 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
The mall? |
| 614 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Dwight |
Jim! |
| 615 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Pam |
I need new shoes. |
| 616 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
95 |
Jim |
Oh, interesting, what kind of shoes? |
| 617 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
Hello? |
| 618 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Uh, hello. Uh, this is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levenson-Gould. |
| 619 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
This is Jan. |
| 620 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Hi. Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager, Scranton branch. Listen, I needed your permission to fire Jim Halpert. |
| 621 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
Who is this? |
| 622 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 623 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
From sales? |
| 624 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Well... |
| 625 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
Where's Michael Scott? |
| 626 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
He is not here right now. He put me in charge of the office. |
| 627 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
Dwight, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything. Understand? |
| 628 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking the health care plan. |
| 629 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
Really? |
| 630 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 631 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
OK, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately. |
| 632 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Call you immediately. Good. Oh, hey, listen, um, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fire Jim? |
| 633 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Jan |
No. Please don't use my cell phone ever again. |
| 634 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
96 |
Dwight |
Oh, this is your cell, I thought this was your... |
| 635 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism. |
| 636 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Ryan |
Did you get the kind with the cookies? Instead of the... |
| 637 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Michael |
Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly. |
| 638 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Stanley |
Oh, thanks. |
| 639 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Michael |
There you go. |
| 640 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Stanley |
This isn't the big surprise, is it? Because we've been having a pretty horrible day. |
| 641 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Michael |
Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it. |
| 642 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Dwight |
Michael. Michael? |
| 643 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
97 |
Michael |
Oh, Christ. |
| 644 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
98 |
Dwight |
I tried being rational, OK? And what happened? The employees went crazy, I got no help from corporate. That leaves me with no options. |
| 645 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Dwight |
I'm now going to read out loud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered. |
| 646 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Stanley |
What about confidentiality? |
| 647 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Dwight |
You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted pen1s. |
| 648 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Meredith |
Could you mean vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered. |
| 649 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Dwight |
I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy? |
| 650 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
99 |
Meredith |
A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina. |
| 651 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
100 |
Dwight |
OK, great. Dermatitis. Thank you Angela. I'll make sure that's covered. OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? anal fissures? |
| 652 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
100 |
Kevin |
That's a real thing. |
| 653 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
100 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but no one here has it. |
| 654 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
100 |
Kevin |
Someone has it. |
| 655 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
101 |
Kevin |
Do you think we should go ? |
| 656 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
101 |
Oscar |
I don't know, Kevin. This is important. I don't want... There he is. |
| 657 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
101 |
Kevin |
What is he doing? |
| 658 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
101 |
Oscar |
I don't know. |
| 659 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Oscar |
Well? |
| 660 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Michael |
Well, what? You could be referring to anything. |
| 661 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Oscar |
OK, the health care plan. |
| 662 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Pam |
Why did you put Dwight in charge of that? He did a horrible job. |
| 663 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Michael |
Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits? |
| 664 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Dwight |
I most certainly did not. |
| 665 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Michael |
Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday. |
| 666 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Angela |
What about the surprise? |
| 667 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Michael |
Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is? |
| 668 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Stanley |
We all think you don't have a surprise. |
| 669 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
102 |
Michael |
All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr! |
| 670 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
103 |
Michael |
When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles. |
| 671 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
104 |
Michael |
God, yeah... Ah! This... |
| 672 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
105 |
Michael |
Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. "Hi. I'm Mork from Ork." Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. |
| 673 |
1 |
3 |
Health Care |
106 |
Dwight |
Oh, um... Jan wants you to call her. |
| 674 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Dwight |
Michael!? |
| 675 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
Oh! God. Dwight, come on... |
| 676 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Dwight |
I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing? |
| 677 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
There's no downsizing. |
| 678 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Dwight |
I, but if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager? |
| 679 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
Assistant to the regional manager Dwight. |
| 680 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Dwight |
Yeah, so I don't have to worry? |
| 681 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay? |
| 682 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
But there's no downsizing, so just don't... |
| 683 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Dwight |
Bottom line. Do I need to be worried? |
| 684 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
107 |
Michael |
Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe. |
| 685 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
108 |
Michael |
It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." "You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed." It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're foir-ed." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so... |
| 686 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
109 |
Dwight |
It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work. |
| 687 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
110 |
Stanley |
Why'd you do this? |
| 688 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
110 |
Dwight |
I didn't do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt? |
| 689 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person? |
| 690 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Who is it? Who's the birthday? |
| 691 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Pam |
Um... Actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. |
| 692 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Next person on the... |
| 693 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 694 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
...calendar. |
| 695 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Pam |
Okay, umm... that would be Meredith. |
| 696 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Yes! All right, come on down Meredith! |
| 697 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Pam |
But it's not until next month. |
| 698 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise. |
| 699 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Pam |
You still want to have a party? |
| 700 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up! |
| 701 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
111 |
Michael |
Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek. |
| 702 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Phyllis |
Well, uh, for decorations, maybe we could... it's stupid, forget it. |
| 703 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Angela |
What? |
| 704 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Phyllis |
I was just going to say, maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind. |
| 705 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Angela |
No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. |
| 706 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Phyllis |
Yeah? |
| 707 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Angela |
What color do you guys think? |
| 708 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Phyllis |
Well, there's green, um, blue... yellow... red... |
| 709 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Pam |
How about green? |
| 710 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
112 |
Angela |
I think green is kind of whoreish. |
| 711 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
113 |
Pam |
This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin. But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. |
| 712 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Michael |
These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! |
| 713 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Michael |
So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious. |
| 714 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Angela |
Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... |
| 715 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Michael |
She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so... |
| 716 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Pam |
It is... her birthday. |
| 717 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
114 |
Michael |
Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip? |
| 718 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
115 |
Dwight |
Hey, so listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea if you and I formed an alliance. 'Cause of the downsizing? I think an alliance might be a good idea, you know. Help each other out. |
| 719 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
115 |
Dwight |
Do you want to form, an alliance, with me? |
| 720 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
115 |
Jim |
Absolutely, I do. |
| 721 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
115 |
Dwight |
Good, good. Excellent, OK. Now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who's protected... |
| 722 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
116 |
Jim |
At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. |
| 723 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
117 |
Dwight |
Did you get your tickets? |
| 724 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
117 |
Jim |
To what? |
| 725 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
117 |
Dwight |
The gun show. |
| 726 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
118 |
Jim |
And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that could get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says "No, Jim, here's a way." |
| 727 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
119 |
Dwight |
There's one other thing and this is important. Let's keep this alliance totally a secret. Don't tell anyone. |
| 728 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Pam |
An alliance? |
| 729 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. |
| 730 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Pam |
What does that even mean? |
| 731 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Jim |
I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure. |
| 732 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Jim |
Um, I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort, underground. |
| 733 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
120 |
Dwight |
Jim! Hey. Hi, Pam. Listen, could I talk to you a second about the... paper products? |
| 734 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Dwight |
Did you tell Pam about the alliance? |
| 735 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Jim |
What? No. |
| 736 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Dwight |
Just now. |
| 737 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Jim |
What? Oh no no no. Dwight, no. I'm using her, for the alliance. Who knows the most information about this office? Pam. |
| 738 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Dwight |
Right, that's good, good, pursue this. |
| 739 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Jim |
Well I'm trying to. Do you see what I'm doing? |
| 740 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Dwight |
Mmm hmm. |
| 741 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Jim |
But listen, I'm going to have to talk to her a lot. All right? And there may be chatting, and giggling. And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. Wipe it away. |
| 742 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Dwight |
Done. |
| 743 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
121 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 744 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
122 |
Michael |
Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers." Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, "Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael." |
| 745 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
123 |
Dwight |
They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? |
| 746 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
123 |
Jim |
Yeah, what do you think that's about? |
| 747 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
123 |
Dwight |
Only one way to find out. |
| 748 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
123 |
Jim |
I'm on it. |
| 749 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
124 |
Jim |
You are not going to believe this. |
| 750 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
124 |
Dwight |
What? I believe it. |
| 751 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
124 |
Jim |
Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. |
| 752 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
124 |
Dwight |
I could tell, from the body language. |
| 753 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
125 |
Jim |
Hey Kev, that looks good. What is it? Turkey? |
| 754 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
125 |
Kevin |
Italian. |
| 755 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
125 |
Jim |
Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion, provolone... |
| 756 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
125 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 757 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
126 |
Jim |
Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off. |
| 758 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
126 |
Dwight |
Good, let 'em. It helps our cause. |
| 759 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
126 |
Jim |
Well, I don't know, if Kevin's in accounting, and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking... |
| 760 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
126 |
Dwight |
Oh, they're forming an alliance |
| 761 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
127 |
Toby |
I love their sandwiches. |
| 762 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
127 |
Jim |
I love their sandwiches too. |
| 763 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
127 |
Kevin |
Their bread's really good. |
| 764 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
127 |
Jim |
Their bread is very good. |
| 765 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
128 |
Dwight |
Damn it. God! |
| 766 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
128 |
Jim |
OK, listen, we need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. |
| 767 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
128 |
Dwight |
God... Damn it! Why us? |
| 768 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
128 |
Jim |
Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. |
| 769 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor. |
| 770 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up? |
| 771 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Oscar |
Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. |
| 772 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on? |
| 773 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Oscar |
My nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... if... |
| 774 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
What? |
| 775 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Oscar |
Donate to the charity? |
| 776 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here. |
| 777 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Oscar |
Thank you. |
| 778 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25. |
| 779 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Oscar |
That's... that's... that's very generous. |
| 780 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
129 |
Michael |
Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so... |
| 781 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Pam |
Hey, Jim, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 782 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Jim |
Sure, what's up? |
| 783 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Pam |
Um, I don't know, I'm just like, I'm going a little crazy 'cause I keep overhearing all these conversations between Michael and corporate about like, staff issues? |
| 784 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Jim |
Oh no? |
| 785 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Pam |
Yeah, he's making me take notes on these meetings and I'm, like, "These people are my friends." But he's all like, "This is confidential. You can't tell anybody." But I just feel like I want to... aaah. Just promise me you're not gonna say anything. |
| 786 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Jim |
No, will not, I'm not going to tell anybody. This is between you and me. |
| 787 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Pam |
OK, yeah. |
| 788 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
130 |
Dwight |
Jackpot. |
| 789 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
131 |
Jim |
That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great. |
| 790 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath. |
| 791 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
Hey, you wanted to see me? |
| 792 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
Yeah. What do you know about Meredith? |
| 793 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
I don't think she'd be missed. |
| 794 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend. |
| 795 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies. |
| 796 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. |
| 797 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
She had a hysterectomy. |
| 798 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
Which one is that again? |
| 799 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
That's where they remove the uterus. |
| 800 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? |
| 801 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Dwight |
It could be kind of funny. |
| 802 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
132 |
Michael |
You know what, I am on a deadline here, and just... OK. Thanks, thanks for your help. I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. That was a waste of time. |
| 803 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Jim |
OK, here's the deal. All right? Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday. |
| 804 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Dwight |
Oh my God, we have to be there. |
| 805 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Jim |
I know, but it's gonna be a little tough because there's no good place to hide there. |
| 806 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Dwight |
No no, yes there is. Behind the shelves. Oh my God. |
| 807 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Jim |
What? What? |
| 808 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Dwight |
I know. I know exactly what to do. |
| 809 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
133 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 810 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
134 |
Dwight |
I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision. |
| 811 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
135 |
Dwight |
This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything. |
| 812 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
135 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 813 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
136 |
Ryan |
Michael? Are you done yet? |
| 814 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
136 |
Michael |
Almost there. Just a sec. Just a second. It is perfect, thank you. Excellent, here we go. It is time, thank you. OK, come on. Let's go! Get the cake. Here we go. Come on! Shhh. Be quiet. |
| 815 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
137 |
Jim |
Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. |
| 816 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
137 |
Dwight |
So tape it down. |
| 817 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
137 |
Jim |
I can't do that. You won't be able to breathe. |
| 818 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
137 |
Dwight |
Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box. |
| 819 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
137 |
Jim |
Thank you, thank you. OK. |
| 820 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Everybody |
Surprise! |
| 821 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Meredith |
Oh! Surprise. |
| 822 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Angela |
No, it's ah... |
| 823 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Michael |
It's surprise Meredith. One, two... |
| 824 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Everybody |
Happy birthday to you. |
| 825 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Michael |
Find a key. |
| 826 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
138 |
Everybody |
Happy birthday... |
| 827 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
139 |
Jim |
So do you want me to stay here and, you know, stand next to the box? |
| 828 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
139 |
Dwight |
No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone. |
| 829 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
139 |
Jim |
Right... That's good. |
| 830 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
140 |
Dwight |
Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me. |
| 831 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
141 |
Everybody |
... birthday, dear Meredith Happy birthday to you... |
| 832 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
141 |
Michael |
And many more! |
| 833 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Stanley |
Last year, five years ago... |
| 834 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Michael |
You were surprised, weren't you? |
| 835 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Meredith |
Yes. |
| 836 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Michael |
You looked freaked, man. We said "Surprise." You were, like, "What?" "What the hell's goin' on here?" Good cake. Why don't you have some? |
| 837 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Meredith |
Uh, I can't. Um... |
| 838 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Michael |
Come on. A little bit. |
| 839 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Meredith |
I can't eat dairy. |
| 840 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Michael |
Oh, right. God, too bad. It's so good. |
| 841 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Meredith |
Yeah, it makes me sick. |
| 842 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
142 |
Michael |
You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself. 'Cause this is way, way too good. |
| 843 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
143 |
Pam |
He's in a box? |
| 844 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
143 |
Jim |
Pam, he's in a box. He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious. Go down there and work your magic. |
| 845 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
144 |
Pam |
Hey where are you? Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. What? Oh my gosh! That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier! I just don't know what some of the people in, like, accounting are going to do? It said specifically that... |
| 846 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
144 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 847 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
145 |
Michael |
Jim, good party, huh? Just a little something I whipped up. You know, a little morale boost. No big deal. |
| 848 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
145 |
Jim |
Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. Very impressive, the uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was it? 25 bucks? |
| 849 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
145 |
Michael |
Well, you know, money isn't everything Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'll give more than three dollars next time. |
| 850 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
145 |
Jim |
Yeah, well, three dollars a mile. It's gonna end up being like 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. |
| 851 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
145 |
Michael |
Is Oscar around? |
| 852 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
I just thought it was kind of a flat, you know... 25 dollar, one-time donation. I didn't think it was per mile kinda deal. You know, so... |
| 853 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Oscar |
Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is. |
| 854 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
I know... |
| 855 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Oscar |
It says it right on the sheet. Look, look at the sheet. It says, "However many dollars per mile." |
| 856 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
Right. Got it. Yes. So it does. Um... |
| 857 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Oscar |
I just think it's kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity. |
| 858 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't what I wasn't, that wasn't... No. It-it-it's not about the money. It's just... it... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. How's your nephew? Is he in good shape? |
| 859 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 860 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
How many miles did he do last year? |
| 861 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Oscar |
Last year, he walked 18 miles. |
| 862 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
146 |
Michael |
Son of a bitch. That is impressive. |
| 863 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Pam |
Happy Birthday. |
| 864 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything so we know whose is the best. |
| 865 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Meredith |
"Happy Bird-day" Um... "Meredith, good news. You're not actually a year older because you work here, where time stands still." |
| 866 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
I don't know about that. |
| 867 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Meredith |
That was Stanley. "Meredith, happy birthday, you're the best. Love, Pam." |
| 868 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Huh! Thanks, downer. |
| 869 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Meredith |
This is from Michael. "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." |
| 870 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old. |
| 871 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Meredith |
No, I... I get it. It's funny. |
| 872 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, OK, here's a good one. Um... "Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right? |
| 873 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Meredith |
You're right. You're right. Yes. |
| 874 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Divorce. Um... OK, "Meredith is so old..." |
| 875 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Oscar |
How old is she? |
| 876 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Everybody? If... could do it? "Meredith is so old..." |
| 877 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Everybody |
How old is she? |
| 878 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
"She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her." |
| 879 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
That wasn't even mine. I got that off the Internet. Website. Um, don't get mad at me. |
| 880 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Oscar |
Uh, nice party Michael. |
| 881 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
This isn't my fault. Ladies, not your best effort. The streamers? I think we could have done better than that. |
| 882 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Angela |
Phyllis wanted red, I didn't. |
| 883 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Phyllis |
Oh, boy... You... |
| 884 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
OK, we... all right. People, hold on, hold on. Just a second. OK, I think we're losing sight of what is really important here. And that is that we are... a group of people... who work together. I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. I have made a very sizable donation to Oscar's nephew's... walkathon. $25. |
| 885 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Oscar |
Per mile. |
| 886 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
147 |
Michael |
Per mile, yes. |
| 887 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
148 |
Michael |
When I retire, I... don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I wanna be the guy who gives everything back. |
| 888 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
149 |
Michael |
A check for the kids, and for the team. |
| 889 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
150 |
Michael |
I want it to be like... "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Um, well, I don't, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what, that was Michael Scott." "But it was anonymous, how do you know?" "Because I'm him." |
| 890 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
151 |
Oscar |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 891 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
151 |
Michael |
Come here. Don't cash that till Friday, OK? |
| 892 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Toby |
Really? Today? |
| 893 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 894 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Toby |
Oh, Happy Birthday. |
| 895 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Ryan |
Thanks. |
| 896 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Toby |
Yeah, I could say something. |
| 897 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
152 |
Ryan |
No, don't. Don't do that. |
| 898 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
OK, OK. I have something that totally tops the box. |
| 899 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Pam |
Oh, tell me, tell me. |
| 900 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
OK. I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stamford and... ... spy on our other branch. No no no. |
| 901 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
But before he does so, I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. |
| 902 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Pam |
That's perfect! |
| 903 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
If we can get him to drive to Connecticut... and put peroxide in his hair... |
| 904 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Roy |
What the hell is this? What are you trying to cop a feel or something? Huh Halpert? |
| 905 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
No, no, dude, no. |
| 906 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Pam |
Hey, Hey! |
| 907 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
No, dude, no, I was just, listen! Whoa. |
| 908 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Pam |
Come on. |
| 909 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
God, I don't even, I don't even know how to explain this. Uh, um... Dwight, uh, asked me to be in an alliance. And then um... um... we were... we've just been messing with him. Uh, because of the whole alliance thing. Um... |
| 910 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Pam |
It's just office pranks. |
| 911 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Jim |
It's stupid. It's, it's just office pranks. |
| 912 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Roy |
An alliance? What the hell is he talking about? |
| 913 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Dwight |
I have absolutely no idea. |
| 914 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
153 |
Roy |
Come on. |
| 915 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
154 |
Dwight |
Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. |
| 916 |
1 |
4 |
The Alliance |
154 |
Dwight |
That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. |
| 917 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
155 |
Michael |
Hey, you ready? |
| 918 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
155 |
Michael |
All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. Very good. Excellent, excellent. |
| 919 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
155 |
Dwight |
Michael! |
| 920 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
156 |
Michael |
Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together. |
| 921 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you. |
| 922 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team. |
| 923 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior. |
| 924 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
Oh, please. |
| 925 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
When I let him come to my pick-up game... |
| 926 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
I apologized for that. |
| 927 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
I vouched for you. |
| 928 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
Michael, I... |
| 929 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar. |
| 930 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
I can handle that. |
| 931 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that. |
| 932 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
And that's why you have an assistant regional manager. |
| 933 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager. |
| 934 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
Same thing. |
| 935 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Michael |
No, it's not. It's lower, so... |
| 936 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
157 |
Dwight |
It's close. |
| 937 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
158 |
Dwight |
So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim. |
| 938 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
158 |
Jim |
God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this? |
| 939 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
158 |
Phyllis |
Keep me out of it. |
| 940 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
159 |
Pam |
My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding. |
| 941 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right. |
| 942 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Ryan |
Fine, don't worry about that. |
| 943 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
And here we have "Mister Roger's Neighborhood." Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs. |
| 944 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Lonny |
What's up? |
| 945 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs. |
| 946 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Darryl |
It's not my real name. |
| 947 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs. |
| 948 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Ryan |
Darryl Rogers? |
| 949 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Darryl |
Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers. |
| 950 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs. |
| 951 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Ryan |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 952 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
160 |
Michael |
You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport! |
| 953 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
161 |
Pam |
No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years. |
| 954 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
162 |
Jim |
Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago. |
| 955 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Michael |
So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on. |
| 956 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Darryl |
We're loading at one. |
| 957 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Michael |
Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me. |
| 958 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Darryl |
No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time. |
| 959 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Michael |
Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way. |
| 960 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Darryl |
All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock. |
| 961 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
163 |
Michael |
All right, see you at one. |
| 962 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Are we ready for the game? |
| 963 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Everybody |
Yeah. |
| 964 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings. |
| 965 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Gimli. |
| 966 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Nerd. That is why you're not on the team. |
| 967 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Just trying to be helpful. |
| 968 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Uh, "I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword." |
| 969 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Jim |
That's him. |
| 970 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course. |
| 971 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Stanley |
I'm sorry? |
| 972 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Um, what do you play? Center? |
| 973 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Stanley |
Why "of course"? |
| 974 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 975 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Stanley |
What's that supposed to mean? |
| 976 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that. |
| 977 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Jim |
Uh, I heard it. |
| 978 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time. |
| 979 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Phyllis |
I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school. |
| 980 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart. |
| 981 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Ryan |
But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch? |
| 982 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 983 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Ryan |
OK. |
| 984 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else? |
| 985 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Oscar |
I can help out, if you need me. |
| 986 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box. |
| 987 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Kevin |
I have a hoop in my driveway. |
| 988 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
No. |
| 989 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Phyllis |
I have a sports bra. |
| 990 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
No, no, ridiculous. |
| 991 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Michael, look. Missed it... |
| 992 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight. |
| 993 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 994 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Sorry Phyllis. |
| 995 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Can I be team captain? |
| 996 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
No, I'm team captain. |
| 997 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Can I be team manager? |
| 998 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager. |
| 999 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
Assistant team manager? |
| 1000 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
No. |
| 1001 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Dwight |
OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then. |
| 1002 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now. |
| 1003 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Jim |
Oh my God. |
| 1004 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
164 |
Michael |
Threat neutralized. |
| 1005 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Michael |
Off the backboard! |
| 1006 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Pam |
Please don't throw garbage at me. |
| 1007 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Michael |
Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once? |
| 1008 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Pam |
I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance. |
| 1009 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Jim |
I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and... |
| 1010 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Michael |
Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying. |
| 1011 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Pam |
Maybe Angela would cheerlead. |
| 1012 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah right. |
| 1013 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Phyllis |
I'll do it. |
| 1014 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
165 |
Michael |
Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good. |
| 1015 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Michael |
Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man? |
| 1016 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Darryl |
Just getting a tea bag. |
| 1017 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Michael |
Oh ho, oh, he's running. He's running. He's running, but he can't hide because you know what? One o'clock, you better bring your 'A' game. Because me, and my, posse guys are gonna be in your face. Right in your face! |
| 1018 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Darryl |
Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's. |
| 1019 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Michael |
Whoa-ho. I like the way you think. You know what, I'm gonna take that one step further. Loser, works, on Saturday. |
| 1020 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Darryl |
No, that's not as much fun. You know what? |
| 1021 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1022 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Darryl |
You're on. |
| 1023 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
166 |
Michael |
OK. Cool, you're on. Don't screw this up. |
| 1024 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
167 |
Michael |
Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game. |
| 1025 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
168 |
Angela |
Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you. |
| 1026 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
169 |
Jim |
Basketball? It was kind of my thing in high school. And I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to playing. You know, I think I'm gonna impress a few people in here. |
| 1027 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
You coming down? |
| 1028 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'm just forwarding the phones. |
| 1029 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
You gonna wish me luck? |
| 1030 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Pam |
Yeah, you're gonna need it. |
| 1031 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
Whoa. |
| 1032 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
Is that trash talk from Pam? |
| 1033 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Pam |
I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive. |
| 1034 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 1035 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Pam |
And he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday so... |
| 1036 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along. |
| 1037 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Pam |
Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake. |
| 1038 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
170 |
Jim |
I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah. |
| 1039 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Michael |
Hey, there he is! Secret weapon! All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! OK, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here, the Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you beat us, you're fired. That's a joke. OK, let's do it. |
| 1040 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Jim |
Have a good game man. |
| 1041 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Roy |
Yeah, you too. Should be fun. |
| 1042 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Michael |
All right, everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch it. Full stretch. Ryan, you wanna stretch? |
| 1043 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Ryan |
I stretched before I came. |
| 1044 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
171 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 1045 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
OK, Ryan, you have Darryl. I have Roy. |
| 1046 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Jim |
Really? I thought I'd take Roy. |
| 1047 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Actually, I think Roy is their best player not Lonny. So, Dwight, you uh, have the East German gal. Uh, who else we got... Um...OK, all right, you guys. |
| 1048 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Dwight |
OK, we'll be skins! |
| 1049 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Aw, come on Dwight. |
| 1050 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Dwight |
What? Shirts on or off? |
| 1051 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
On. Just put it on. |
| 1052 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Dwight |
You sure? |
| 1053 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Yes. Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps, why don't you do the uh, jump ball OK? |
| 1054 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Roy |
Don't listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car. |
| 1055 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Stanley! What? You gotta be kidding me! !?! Oh... Here we go! Who's on him? Somebody get him! |
| 1056 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Teammates |
Yeah! |
| 1057 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Roy |
That's what I'm talking about. |
| 1058 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over here, over here. Here we go. Three! Let's go to the zone! We're going to zone! |
| 1059 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Dwight |
De-fense! De-fense! |
| 1060 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael, Dwight |
De-fense! De-fense! |
| 1061 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Warehouse worker |
Well done team. |
| 1062 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Michael |
Who's got Roy? |
| 1063 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
172 |
Pam |
Woo! |
| 1064 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
173 |
Michael |
Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those. Dwight, I was open. All right, let's go. |
| 1065 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
174 |
Michael |
OK, foul. Charging. Charging. That's a foul. |
| 1066 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
174 |
Roy |
OK. |
| 1067 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
174 |
Michael |
OK, I'll take it. OK. |
| 1068 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
175 |
Michael |
When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone, I'm in the zone. |
| 1069 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
176 |
Michael |
What is wrong with me today?! |
| 1070 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
177 |
Michael |
Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... well, that's probably gonna happen, actually. |
| 1071 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
178 |
Michael |
Jim! Jim! Jim, right here, Jim! Give me the ball! Ryan, cut! Whoa! |
| 1072 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
178 |
Jim |
My bad. |
| 1073 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
178 |
Darryl |
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. |
| 1074 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
178 |
Lonny |
Where you at? Where you at? You over there? I'm over there. |
| 1075 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
178 |
Michael |
That is cool. Is that like the Robot? |
| 1076 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
179 |
Michael |
Nice! Come here! |
| 1077 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
179 |
Ryan |
Can we just do one? That's cool, that's fine. |
| 1078 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
179 |
Darryl |
You have one more free throw shoot. Come on. |
| 1079 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
179 |
Roy |
All right, let's go. |
| 1080 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Warehouse worker |
Watch your back Madge. |
| 1081 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Madge |
Hey! Come on man! |
| 1082 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Michael |
Come on! Hey, Dwight. Dwight! |
| 1083 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Dwight |
Yeah! In your face! |
| 1084 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Madge |
Yeah, like that counts. |
| 1085 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
180 |
Michael |
You know what? Dwight, Dwight... |
| 1086 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
181 |
Michael |
Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo... And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of... Dupee-doo, dupee-do. It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like... Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah... |
| 1087 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Michael |
Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Harlem Globetrotter... |
| 1088 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Roy |
Du-du-du-du-dupee-do. Your ball. |
| 1089 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Michael |
All right, time, time out. Come on, sales, over here. Bring it in! Come on! |
| 1090 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Michael |
What's going on? What's going on? You're playing like a bunch of girls. |
| 1091 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Jim |
You know what? Let me take Roy. |
| 1092 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
182 |
Michael |
All right, switch. Take it up a notch, come on. |
| 1093 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
183 |
Michael |
Shoot, shoot it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Foul! Naked aggression! Oh, that is... You all right Jim? Suck it up. |
| 1094 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
184 |
Darryl |
Block, block, block! |
| 1095 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
184 |
Madge |
He's afraid of you now. |
| 1096 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
184 |
Michael |
Ouch! Oh, how much does it hurt? How much does it hurt? |
| 1097 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
185 |
Michael |
Yes! |
| 1098 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
185 |
Roy |
What the hell man? |
| 1099 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
185 |
Jim |
Take it easy. |
| 1100 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
185 |
Roy |
No, you take it easy. |
| 1101 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
186 |
Michael |
Watch the long passes, you guys! |
| 1102 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
187 |
Ryan |
Same team, Dwight. |
| 1103 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
187 |
Michael |
Dwight! |
| 1104 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
187 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 1105 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In, your, face! Angela, what's the score? |
| 1106 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Angela |
You're ahead. |
| 1107 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Yeah, baby, here we go! |
| 1108 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Jim! Jim! Right here! Ow! God! Hold it! |
| 1109 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Worker |
I'm sorry. |
| 1110 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Foul! Foul! |
| 1111 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Worker |
I'm sorry. You all right? |
| 1112 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Oh, that hurts. |
| 1113 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Worker |
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. |
| 1114 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
What's your problem man? Gah, just clocking me for no reason? |
| 1115 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Darryl |
Take your shot man! |
| 1116 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. That was a flagrant, personal, intentional foul. Right there. |
| 1117 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Worker |
No it wasn't. |
| 1118 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair. |
| 1119 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Worker |
Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up... |
| 1120 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly. |
| 1121 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Angela |
This is a cold pack... |
| 1122 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Dwight |
Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag. |
| 1123 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Thanks Dwight. |
| 1124 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Lonny |
Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on? |
| 1125 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won. |
| 1126 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Darryl |
That was you. |
| 1127 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face. |
| 1128 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Roy |
No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday. |
| 1129 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Darryl |
Yeah, this isn't happening. |
| 1130 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so... |
| 1131 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Lonny |
So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right? |
| 1132 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
Hey, hey... |
| 1133 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Lonny |
Monday? |
| 1134 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
188 |
Michael |
You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word. |
| 1135 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Jim |
...so I talked to the scout, it looks good. |
| 1136 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Pam |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 1137 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Jim |
I didn't sign anything. |
| 1138 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Roy |
Hey baby. |
| 1139 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 1140 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Roy |
Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend. |
| 1141 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Pam |
Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? Let's get you into a tub. |
| 1142 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
189 |
Roy |
Yeah? Let's get you into a tub. |
| 1143 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
190 |
Michael |
Hey, what a game, huh? What a game. |
| 1144 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
190 |
Oscar |
What time do we have to come in? |
| 1145 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
190 |
Michael |
Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend. |
| 1146 |
1 |
5 |
Basketball |
191 |
Michael |
The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead. |
| 1147 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
Are you listening to me Michael? |
| 1148 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Affirmative. |
| 1149 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
What did I just say? |
| 1150 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
You just said, let me uh... check my notes. You just said... |
| 1151 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales. |
| 1152 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Hey, hey how is Alan? Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates! |
| 1153 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
I'm not going to do that Michael. |
| 1154 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Okay |
| 1155 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
We've created an incentive program to increase sales. |
| 1156 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Uh, huh. |
| 1157 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars. |
| 1158 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Whoa. Howdy-ho. Wow, a thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I uh, do I get to pick the prize? |
| 1159 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
Uh, yes. Yes you can. |
| 1160 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
Um, question: Does top salesman include uh, people who were at one time such outstanding salesman that've been promoted to... |
| 1161 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Jan |
No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize. |
| 1162 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
192 |
Michael |
I didn't mean me! |
| 1163 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else. |
| 1164 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Dwight |
s*x. |
| 1165 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing. |
| 1166 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Dwight |
Torture. |
| 1167 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Tah, come on Dwight. Just help me out here. That's just stupid. |
| 1168 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
Uh, Michael? |
| 1169 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Pam! |
| 1170 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
Hey, there's a... |
| 1171 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Burger with cheese! |
| 1172 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
There's a person here... |
| 1173 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
And fries! |
| 1174 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
There's... |
| 1175 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
And shake! What? Go ahead. |
| 1176 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
There's a person here who wants to sell handbags. |
| 1177 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction. |
| 1178 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
Okay, I told her you'd talk to her. |
| 1179 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Pam. Pam. Come on, I'm busy. So just tell her to go away. |
| 1180 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 1181 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
193 |
Michael |
Oooh, alright I'll talk to her. |
| 1182 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Katy |
This one is hand embroidered. |
| 1183 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
All right girls break it up, you're being infiltrated. Cock in the henhouse. |
| 1184 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Dwight |
Cocks in the henhouse. |
| 1185 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
Don't say cocks. Oh, what is your name, my fair lass? |
| 1186 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Katy |
Katy. |
| 1187 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0. |
| 1188 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
Oh, look. Oh hey, no catfights you two. I'm against violence in the workplace. |
| 1189 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Dwight |
So am I. |
| 1190 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
Nobody cares what you think. |
| 1191 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Dwight |
Doesn't matter. |
| 1192 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
So uh, you know what? I usually don't allow solicitors in the office but today I am going to break some rules, and you can have the conference room. It's yours. All day. |
| 1193 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Katy |
Wow, thanks. |
| 1194 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Pam |
There's an HR meeting in there at 11:30. |
| 1195 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
194 |
Michael |
Well, lets put 'em in the hallway. Give 'em some chairs. Right? Decisiveness. One of the keys to success according to Small Businessman. |
| 1196 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
195 |
Michael |
I do. I read Small Business man. I also uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine, that's the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix. Illuminating. |
| 1197 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
This is my conference room. So please, uh, make yourself at home. Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall. used to be a window here. There's not anymore. So, that's where I will be. |
| 1198 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
So if you need anything else, something to make you more confortable just don't hesitate to ask. I'm right here. |
| 1199 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Katy |
I guess a cup of coffee would be great. |
| 1200 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
Wait a second. I should have spotted another addict. Uh, gotta love the 'bucks. |
| 1201 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Katy |
What? |
| 1202 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man, that place is like the promised land to me. What a business model too. Ah, too bad we don't have the good stuff here. |
| 1203 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Katy |
Regular coffee is fine. |
| 1204 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
Nah, it's not. it's spppplllibbb |
| 1205 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Katy |
No really it is. |
| 1206 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
No, here's the thing. Y'know I do my best to be my own man and go by the beat of a different drummer and nobody gets me, and they're always putting up walls and I'm always tearing 'em down, just breakin' down barriers, that's what I do all day. So a coffee, regular coffee for you. High test, or unleaded? |
| 1207 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Katy |
Bring it on. |
| 1208 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
196 |
Michael |
Oh. Woo, I will. I will bring it on. Ah, all right. |
| 1209 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
197 |
Kevin |
So are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around? |
| 1210 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
197 |
Pam |
No. |
| 1211 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
197 |
Kevin |
She's prettier than you though. |
| 1212 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
197 |
Pam |
That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin. |
| 1213 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
198 |
Katy |
So do you like the periwinkle and the purples? |
| 1214 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
199 |
Dwight |
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies. |
| 1215 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Michael |
There ya go. Nice steaming cup o'joe. |
| 1216 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Katy |
Thank you. |
| 1217 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Michael |
I have an idea. Why don't I introduce you around, you know you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele, right? |
| 1218 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Katy |
Gosh, I would love to but, my purses, I should, um... |
| 1219 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Michael |
Oh, um, well, we could have Ryan take a look. Ryan, would you look after the purses, please? |
| 1220 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Ryan |
I'm installing File Share on all the computers. |
| 1221 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
200 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, bladdy-bluda-blah-blah. Techno-babble. Just do it, okay. We have company. Right? |
| 1222 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Michael |
You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest. So here's Oscar. Oscar, this is Katy. |
| 1223 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Oscar |
I'm on the phone. |
| 1224 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Michael |
Oooh-ooh. Oscar the grouch. Right? I thought of that. |
| 1225 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Katy |
That was on Sesame Street. |
| 1226 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Michael |
I know. I know. I made the connection. Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here? |
| 1227 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Katy |
No, I don't believe that. |
| 1228 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
201 |
Michael |
I know, it's unbelievable. |
| 1229 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
202 |
Pam |
It's nice having Katy around. It's another person for Michael to um, interact with. |
| 1230 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
Here is Toby from Human Resources. Katy, Toby. |
| 1231 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Katy |
Hi |
| 1232 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
Hi, nice to meet you. |
| 1233 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
Toby, Katy. |
| 1234 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
Hey, um did you go to uh, Bishop O'Hara? |
| 1235 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Katy |
Yeah. |
| 1236 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
Yeah, me too. |
| 1237 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Katy |
Cool. What year were you there? |
| 1238 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
Eighty-nine. |
| 1239 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
Toby's divorced. He uh, guh recently, right? |
| 1240 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
Yeah. |
| 1241 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
You and your wife, and you have kids. |
| 1242 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Toby |
A girl. |
| 1243 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
Oh that so - that was really messy. He slept one night in your car too? |
| 1244 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Katy |
I should probably get back to my table. |
| 1245 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
203 |
Michael |
Okay. Alright. Cool. See ya in a bit. Oh, she's cute. Cutie-pie. Back to work. |
| 1246 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
204 |
Michael |
I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike. |
| 1247 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
Hey, Jimmy what do you think of that little purse girl, huh? |
| 1248 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Jim |
Cute, sure, yeah. |
| 1249 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
Why don't you get on that? |
| 1250 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Jim |
She's not really my type. |
| 1251 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
What are you gay? |
| 1252 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Jim |
Hmmm, I don't think so. Nope. |
| 1253 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Kevin |
What is your type? |
| 1254 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Jim |
Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really. |
| 1255 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
That's disgusting. |
| 1256 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Kevin |
Stay away from my mom. |
| 1257 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Jim |
Too late, Kev. |
| 1258 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam. |
| 1259 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Pam |
We're not dating, we're engaged. |
| 1260 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
205 |
Roy |
Engaged, yeah. |
| 1261 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
206 |
Jim |
Pam and I are good buddies. I'm sort of Pam's go-to guy for her problems. You know with stuff like work, or uh, her fiance Roy. Or uh... Nope, those are pretty much her only two problems. |
| 1262 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Jim |
She'd be perfect for you. |
| 1263 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Dwight |
Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot. |
| 1264 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Jim |
So, what? You're Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 1265 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Dwight |
Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
| 1266 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Jim |
Well, you know what Dwight? He's your work boss, okay? He is not your relationship boss. |
| 1267 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Dwight |
That's true. |
| 1268 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Jim |
Plus you have so much more to talk to this girl about, You're both um, salesmen. I mean that's something right there. |
| 1269 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Dwight |
True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name. |
| 1270 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
207 |
Jim |
It's all gold. |
| 1271 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
208 |
Katy |
Guys are usually my best customers, they buy the high end stuff like the beads and the sequins and stuff. For gifts, you know? They don't know what they are looking at. So I make suggestions. |
| 1272 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
Alright. Here's the thing okay, you just keep talking to her. If you hit a stall you have a perfect fall back. |
| 1273 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Dwight |
What's that? |
| 1274 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
You buy a purse. |
| 1275 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Dwight |
I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls. |
| 1276 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
Dwight, that's not necessarily true. Do you read GQ? |
| 1277 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 1278 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
Okay, I do. There like mini briefcases, alright? Lots of guys have them. |
| 1279 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Dwight |
Like those? |
| 1280 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
Yes. Listen, you are spending way too much time talking to me, when you could be talking to her. |
| 1281 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going... |
| 1282 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
209 |
Jim |
No. You don't need the bathroom. You've got it. Go. |
| 1283 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Okay, shhhh stop... stop whatever you're doing because this is going to be good. |
| 1284 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Hi my name's Dwight Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you. Good lord, look at these purses! This is something special. Oh my God is this Salvatore Di-chini-asta? |
| 1285 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Pam |
Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that. |
| 1286 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Yes, well I want to stress test it. You know, in case anything happens. |
| 1287 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 1288 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Oh! That was really. This is necessary to do to really give it a good workout. This is the ooooh... This is the prettiest one of all. |
| 1289 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Pam |
Oh... |
| 1290 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much? |
| 1291 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Pam |
Oh, God. It's sad. It's so sad. |
| 1292 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Here he comes, shhh... |
| 1293 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 1294 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Jim |
He did pick a good one. |
| 1295 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
210 |
Pam |
You're horrible. |
| 1296 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
This one's really good for a hot date. |
| 1297 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Pam |
Yeah, what's that? |
| 1298 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Pam |
I'm engaged. So... |
| 1299 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Congratulations. You need a hot date more than anyone. |
| 1300 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Pam |
I wished, right? |
| 1301 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Giggle-giggle, juji-juji, I get it, I get it. Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood over here right? So how's that uh, coffee from earlier? |
| 1302 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Good. |
| 1303 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Ah, I knew it. Guzzled it down. You greedy little thing. So, uh, Pam is this your lunch break, or was that earlier when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys? |
| 1304 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Sorry. |
| 1305 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Busted. |
| 1306 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Come back... |
| 1307 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Oh hey, I want to show you something. Come here I want to show you something. I know you are going to like this. Picked it up today. A thousand big ones. |
| 1308 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Is that from Starbucks? |
| 1309 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Yes. This is a Starbucks digital barista. This is the mack daddy of espresso makers. |
| 1310 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
Wow. Is that for the office? |
| 1311 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Michael |
Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you! |
| 1312 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
211 |
Katy |
I wouldn't think of it. |
| 1313 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
212 |
Michael |
Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It's a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the eighties before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Guh. Man, did they move paper! |
| 1314 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Oh the rotating um, steam wand. What? What's the matter? |
| 1315 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Oh, nothing. My ride just bailed on me. |
| 1316 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Oh, oh! God. I'm sorry. Is there...? |
| 1317 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Oh no, it's um... |
| 1318 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Where you going? Nearby? Because I can give you a ride. |
| 1319 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
No... |
| 1320 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Seriously. No, really. |
| 1321 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
No. I really don't want to inconvenience you. |
| 1322 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
God! No, no, no, no. No inconvenience. I mean I'm out of here at five sharp. |
| 1323 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
At five? |
| 1324 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
I can go earlier. 'Cause I'm the boss. You know, whatever. I'm out of here slaves. |
| 1325 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Okay. |
| 1326 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1327 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Okay, I guess that would be, I guess that would be okay. |
| 1328 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Okay. Sounds good. Sounds good. Five o'clock sharp. I will give you and your purses a ride home. |
| 1329 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Okay. Cool. |
| 1330 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Excellent. |
| 1331 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Katy |
Cool. |
| 1332 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
213 |
Michael |
Great. Cool. Cool. Yeah, okay. |
| 1333 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
I should have never let the Temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons and now I have four folders. So.. |
| 1334 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
It's actually better this way. |
| 1335 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
No it's not. Because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto--- |
| 1336 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because... |
| 1337 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
No, no, no it's not against the rules. She's not a permanent employee so it's not. |
| 1338 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much. |
| 1339 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
But I think you should just know that I am going to be giving her a ride home later. |
| 1340 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 1341 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
She asked me for a ride and so I am going to give her a ride home. |
| 1342 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab? |
| 1343 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
Well, might be a ride home. Might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and dot-dot-dot... |
| 1344 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home? |
| 1345 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
No. I cannot promise you that. |
| 1346 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me? |
| 1347 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
Listen, Dwight. |
| 1348 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Dwight |
Do you love her? |
| 1349 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
214 |
Michael |
Dwight, no. I don't know. It's too early to tell. I don't know how I feel. |
| 1350 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Katy |
I think you've made a really good choice, she's really going to like that. |
| 1351 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Stanley |
Hmmm... |
| 1352 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Michael |
Espresso? |
| 1353 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Katy |
Oh, thank you. |
| 1354 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Michael |
You're welcome. Thank you. Hmmm-hmm-hmm. |
| 1355 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Stanley |
Is that from the machine that was in your office? |
| 1356 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Michael |
Ummm-hmmm... |
| 1357 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Stanley |
I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson. |
| 1358 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Michael |
Very easy to clean. |
| 1359 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
215 |
Michael |
Okay. Like he's going to win anyway, right? |
| 1360 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
216 |
Michael |
Did we get any mail? |
| 1361 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
216 |
Pam |
Yeah, I gave it to you. |
| 1362 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
216 |
Michael |
Yes you did. Yes, you did. Just checkin'. Just checkin', double checkin', checkin' on the check. Thoroughness is very important in an office and... |
| 1363 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
216 |
Pam |
So, can I..? |
| 1364 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
216 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, of course. Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons? |
| 1365 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Jim |
A futon? |
| 1366 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Jim |
He's a grown man |
| 1367 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
That's what he said. |
| 1368 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Jim |
That's sad. Or it's innovative. Well, you know the futon is a bed and couch all rolled into one. |
| 1369 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
What's up? |
| 1370 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 1371 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Are you still mad at me? |
| 1372 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Roy... |
| 1373 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Come on |
| 1374 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Cut it out. |
| 1375 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Come on, you mad at me? |
| 1376 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Stop it. |
| 1377 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Are you still mad at me now? |
| 1378 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Cut it out. |
| 1379 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Are you mad at me now? |
| 1380 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Stop. |
| 1381 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
Huh? huh? Come on... Come on, Pammy I was just kidding. |
| 1382 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Pam |
Stop, I can't breathe. |
| 1383 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
217 |
Roy |
I was just kidding. You know I didn't mean it. I can't... |
| 1384 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
218 |
Pam |
Jim is a great guy. He's like a brother to me. We're like best friends in the office and I really hope he finds someone. |
| 1385 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
You seem to like to touch things. Did you try the velvet? |
| 1386 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Angela |
I don't like to necessarily touch things. I'm just... I'm shopping. |
| 1387 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
Oh no, it's fine that you, um. Here, what about the raspberry one? It's really uh, kind of festive. It's got a lot of personality. |
| 1388 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Angela |
Yeah, uh no. |
| 1389 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Dwight |
Hey, how's it going? Good. Can I talk to you for a second? In private? |
| 1390 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
I don't think so I'm really busy. |
| 1391 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Dwight |
It will just take a second. |
| 1392 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
I can't. |
| 1393 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Dwight |
Just for a minute. |
| 1394 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
I really can't. |
| 1395 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Dwight |
Please? I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date. |
| 1396 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
No. |
| 1397 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Dwight |
Ok was that no to talking to me in private, or was that no to the date? |
| 1398 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
Both. |
| 1399 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Katy |
What colors do you like? |
| 1400 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
219 |
Angela |
Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal. |
| 1401 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
220 |
Michael |
Ryan. |
| 1402 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
220 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 1403 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
220 |
Michael |
Would you like to help me with a special project? |
| 1404 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
220 |
Ryan |
I would love to. |
| 1405 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
220 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 1406 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
Okay, just throw out all the empties. |
| 1407 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Ryan |
You don't want to recycle them? |
| 1408 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
Um, yes. Throw them away in the recycling bin. |
| 1409 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Ryan |
Do you want this? |
| 1410 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
No. |
| 1411 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Ryan |
What about this bottle of power drink? |
| 1412 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
Uh, what flavor? |
| 1413 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Ryan |
Blue. |
| 1414 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
Blue's not a flavor. |
| 1415 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Ryan |
It says flavor: Blue Blast. |
| 1416 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
221 |
Michael |
Oh, Blue Blast. Yes, put that in the trunk, and there should be an unopened Arctic Chill back there. I want that in the passengers cupholder. Thank you. |
| 1417 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 1418 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
Hi. |
| 1419 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
I'm Jim, by the way. |
| 1420 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
I'm Katy. |
| 1421 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
Hi Katy, nice to meet you. |
| 1422 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
You sit out there, don't you? |
| 1423 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
I do. That's what I'm best known for. Sitting out there. Alright, let's talk about purses. |
| 1424 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
Okay, um... |
| 1425 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
Katy but you know what, don't try to sell me one. Okay, seriously 'cause I'm just here to learn. |
| 1426 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
Okay. |
| 1427 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Jim |
Okay, so I know about most of these, but you know you can... |
| 1428 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
222 |
Katy |
Okay. |
| 1429 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Michael |
What, stop! Whoa! That's my Drakkar Noir. |
| 1430 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Ryan |
No, this is Rite Aid Night Swept. |
| 1431 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Michael |
No, it is a perfect smell-alike. I'm not paying for the label. Right here. Give it. |
| 1432 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Ryan |
Well, it's empty. |
| 1433 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Michael |
Not it's not, there's some in the straw. There, now you may throw it out. |
| 1434 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Ryan |
Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? |
| 1435 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Michael |
That's over several months, Ryan. |
| 1436 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
223 |
Ryan |
Still. |
| 1437 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
What's up? |
| 1438 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
I'm bored. |
| 1439 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Thank you for choosing me. |
| 1440 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
No, I'm kidding. Um, so you got big plans this weekend? |
| 1441 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Ah, well I think I'm gonna see Katy. |
| 1442 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 1443 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 1444 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
What are you guys going to do? |
| 1445 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Oh, man I don't know. Uh, dinner, drinks, movie, matching tattoos. |
| 1446 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
That's great. |
| 1447 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
And stuff... yeah. |
| 1448 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
That's cool. |
| 1449 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 1450 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
I, I was gonna say, I think that um, we're gonna help Roy's cousin move. |
| 1451 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 1452 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
'Cause Roy's got a truck. |
| 1453 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
That's cool. |
| 1454 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
Uh, huh. Yes. |
| 1455 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
That is cool. Well, I'll see you Monday though, right? |
| 1456 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 1457 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 1458 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Pam |
Okay, I'm gonna head back. |
| 1459 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
224 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 1460 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
225 |
Michael |
I think in order to be a ladies man, it's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies man, so I kind of play that close to the chest. I don't know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think other people have told me that I have a very symmetrical face. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe they're right? I don't know. |
| 1461 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Sure you don't want me to help you with that? Cause I can grab that no problem. |
| 1462 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
Goodnight, it was nice nice to meet some of you. |
| 1463 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
See you later. Goodnight. Goodnight, Jim. |
| 1464 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
Goodnight, Michael. |
| 1465 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Where you going? |
| 1466 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
I don't know. Grab a drink, I think? |
| 1467 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
With us? |
| 1468 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
I uh, I probably should have told you, I don't need a ride now 'cause Jim can take me home after so you're off the hook. |
| 1469 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Okay. Great. Off the hook. Excellent. Okay, cool. |
| 1470 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
I got this. |
| 1471 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Alright, have fun. |
| 1472 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
Thanks. |
| 1473 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
I got it. |
| 1474 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Don't drink and drive. |
| 1475 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
Take it easy. |
| 1476 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
Have a good night. |
| 1477 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Michael |
You too, have a good night. |
| 1478 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
You got that? |
| 1479 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. You sold a lot, so it's lighter. |
| 1480 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
Good. Here. Squeeze it inside. |
| 1481 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
Alright now, I'm gonna warn you. Don't freak out, okay? |
| 1482 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
Why? |
| 1483 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
This is a really nice car. In case you haven't noticed, this is a Corolla. Okay. |
| 1484 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Katy |
It's a... it's a very nice car. |
| 1485 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
226 |
Jim |
You're not going to freak out? |
| 1486 |
1 |
6 |
Hot Girl |
227 |
Michael |
Do I have a special someone? Uh well, yeah of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick-up in a bar, and these people? I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an everyday stand and I still know their names in the morning. |
| 1487 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
228 |
Michael |
Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night here at Dunder Mifflin. And this is everybody's favorite day. Everybody looks forward to it, because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies, very often. Like Meredith or Kevin, I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really, really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean, I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself due to lack of recognition. So... |
| 1488 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
229 |
Jim |
So, you ready for the... the Dundies? |
| 1489 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
229 |
Pam |
Ugh... |
| 1490 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
230 |
Pam |
You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you. |
| 1491 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
231 |
Michael |
Hey hey hey! It's Fat Halpert. |
| 1492 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
231 |
Jim |
What? |
| 1493 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
231 |
Michael |
Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert. |
| 1494 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
232 |
Michael |
So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners. We got Fat Jim Halpert here. Jim, why don't you show of your Dundies to the camera? |
| 1495 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
232 |
Jim |
Oh, I can't because I keep them hidden. I don't want to look at them and get cocky. |
| 1496 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
232 |
Michael |
Oh, that's a good idea. |
| 1497 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
232 |
Dwight |
Mine are at home in a display case above my bed. |
| 1498 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
232 |
Michael |
Gyaaah. T.M.I. T.M.I my friends. |
| 1499 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
233 |
Michael |
T.M.I.? Too much information. Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say "Don't go there" but that's... lame. |
| 1500 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Michael |
And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now Stanley is a Dundie all-star, aren't you Stan? Why don't you, ah, show them some of your bling. |
| 1501 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Stanley |
I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out. |
| 1502 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Michael |
Oh, no you di-int. |
| 1503 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Stanley |
I think I did. |
| 1504 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Michael |
W-why did you... |
| 1505 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Stanley |
Say, we got to order some more apa-teezers this time. We ran out last year, remember? |
| 1506 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
234 |
Michael |
Yes we should. I... you know what? I wanted one of those skillets of cheese, but when I got off stage, someone had eaten all of them. |
| 1507 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
235 |
Michael |
To Oscar Martinez it's the "Show Me the Money" award! Yeah! |
| 1508 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Oscar |
That's supposed to be confidential. |
| 1509 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Michael |
He has the award-ah! ...it's a type of song that we are going to play for the ladies. Hit it, Dwight! |
| 1510 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Michael |
A little bit of Paaam, all night long, a little bit of Angela on the thing... |
| 1511 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Michael |
...a little bit of Phyllis everywhere... |
| 1512 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great. |
| 1513 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
236 |
Michael |
...a little bit of Roooy eating chicken crispers... ...a little bit of Jim with some ribs, a little bit of... |
| 1514 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
237 |
Kelly |
It was you. |
| 1515 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
237 |
Phyllis |
Live and learn. |
| 1516 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
237 |
Pam |
It wasn't. I swear. |
| 1517 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
237 |
Kelly |
Yeah, it was. |
| 1518 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Dwight |
So, what's the joke? You're not perfect either. |
| 1519 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Pam |
We're not laughing at you, Dwight. |
| 1520 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Dwight |
So who are we laughing at? |
| 1521 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Pam |
Um, just something somebody wrote. |
| 1522 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Dwight |
Who? Dave Barry? |
| 1523 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Kelly |
No. No, just something that was written in the ladies' room wall. |
| 1524 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Dwight |
What is it? Who wrote it? |
| 1525 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Pam |
Um, it's kind of private. |
| 1526 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Phyllis |
It's about Michael. |
| 1527 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Dwight |
That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less. |
| 1528 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
238 |
Pam |
Okay, now I'm laughing at you. |
| 1529 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Will her highness, Jan Levinson-Gould, be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton? |
| 1530 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
It's a, it's, it's a two and a half hour drive from New York, Michael. |
| 1531 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Well, you could take the bus. You could work on the way here. Sleep on the way home. |
| 1532 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
No. |
| 1533 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Wuh... Come on, Jan. This is important. I mean, this is, this is, validation to my employees here that you and corporate approve of this. So... |
| 1534 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
No, we don't approve of this Michael. I mean, y-you only had the budget for one office party a year, so... we're not paying for this. |
| 1535 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Um... |
| 1536 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Could you...? |
| 1537 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
Are you there Michael? |
| 1538 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to, uh, talk to you for a second about that. |
| 1539 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Um, what, ah, what is, I mean... |
| 1540 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
...come on, Jan! |
| 1541 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
You're dropping an A-Bomb on me here. |
| 1542 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you? |
| 1543 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Well, yeah, I mean, what is... |
| 1544 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
You already had a party on May 5th for no reason. |
| 1545 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
No reason?! It was the 05 05 05 party... |
| 1546 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
And you had a luau.... |
| 1547 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
...it happens once every billion years. |
| 1548 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money. |
| 1549 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N. |
| 1550 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Jan |
Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense. |
| 1551 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
239 |
Michael |
Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage. |
| 1552 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
240 |
Michael |
This is a little character I like to do , it is, uh, loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters. Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. "Name three businesses that have a better health care plans than Dunder Mifflin." Here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Jan and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum. It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk. |
| 1553 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Phyllis |
Dwight, get out of here!! |
| 1554 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no... |
| 1555 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Phyllis |
What were you doing in the ladies room?! |
| 1556 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Dwight |
...no, no, no, no, it's not what you think. |
| 1557 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Phyllis |
Why were you peering over the stalls?! |
| 1558 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Dwight |
No, why were you in there?! |
| 1559 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Phyllis |
You are a pervert! |
| 1560 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Dwight |
What were you doing in there? |
| 1561 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Phyllis |
You, are, a pervert! |
| 1562 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
241 |
Dwight |
I am not. |
| 1563 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Michael |
The Dundie award for "Longest Engagement" goes to Pam Beesley. |
| 1564 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Michael |
Pam, everybody! |
| 1565 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Michael |
Whoooo! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting. |
| 1566 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Roy |
Yes. |
| 1567 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Michael |
Thank you Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say, on Pam's behalf? |
| 1568 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Roy |
Ah, w-we'll see you next year. |
| 1569 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
242 |
Michael |
Yeah, oh, hope not! Oh God! |
| 1570 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
243 |
Michael |
I'm not changing that, it's the best one. |
| 1571 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
243 |
Jim |
No, it's hilarious, you're right. I just think, um, "world's longest engagement", um, we're all expecting it, you know? |
| 1572 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
243 |
Michael |
That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married, it gets funnier. |
| 1573 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
243 |
Jim |
Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy. |
| 1574 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
243 |
Michael |
Oh, lazy. Uh huh. |
| 1575 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
244 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom. |
| 1576 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Pam |
You're taking away our bathroom? |
| 1577 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Dwight |
We are going to have two men's rooms. |
| 1578 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Phyllis |
But where would we...go? |
| 1579 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Dwight |
Be prepared to hold folks From 9 am to... |
| 1580 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Pam |
Michael... |
| 1581 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 1582 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Pam |
...Dwight is banning us from our bathroom. |
| 1583 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Michael |
Okay, well, that's just ridiculous, so just don't, I-I don't have time for this right now. |
| 1584 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Dwight |
Nnnnno, there needs to be repercussions... |
| 1585 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Michael |
Just don't, don't talk- |
| 1586 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Dwight |
...for people's behavior. |
| 1587 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Michael |
Don't talk- |
| 1588 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Dwight |
And it's- |
| 1589 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
245 |
Michael |
Just STAP IT YAP IT!!!! |
| 1590 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
246 |
Michael |
Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us. |
| 1591 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
246 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 1592 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
246 |
Michael |
Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Dundies ever. |
| 1593 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
246 |
Dwight |
Best Dundies ever. |
| 1594 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
247 |
Dwight |
Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards. |
| 1595 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
247 |
Dwight |
Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. Devon! |
| 1596 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
248 |
Michael |
"The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello." Card! |
| 1597 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
249 |
Oscar |
The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like. |
| 1598 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
250 |
Michael |
"You down with The Dundies? You down with the Dundie-" |
| 1599 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
250 |
Dwight |
The waitress tripped on the cord. |
| 1600 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
250 |
Michael |
Alright, alright, joke landed. So we are here, thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie awards. I am your host, Michael Scott. And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink! |
| 1601 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Kevin |
Oh, just put these on the group tab. |
| 1602 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Michael |
Nope, actually this year, ah, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks. |
| 1603 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Stanley |
You said, we could bring our families. |
| 1604 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Michael |
I did. And why didn't ya Stanley? |
| 1605 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Stanley |
I did, my wife's name is Terri. |
| 1606 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Michael |
Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terri. |
| 1607 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
251 |
Stanley |
It's this person who's hand I'm holding Michael. |
| 1608 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Michael |
Shut it. Um, good. Speaking of relationships, of all, all way shapes and forms. Um, I was out on a very, very hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight. |
| 1609 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Dwight |
Really? We don't have any girls from HR. |
| 1610 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Michael |
No, that...for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy. |
| 1611 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Dwight |
Yeah? |
| 1612 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Michael |
And I was about to take her bra off... |
| 1613 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 1614 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Michael |
...when she made me fill out six hours of paperwork- |
| 1615 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Dwight |
Like an AIDS test? |
| 1616 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
252 |
Michael |
No! God. |
| 1617 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
253 |
Michael |
Alright, so let's get this party staaaarrrrted. |
| 1618 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
254 |
Darryl |
Hey let's go to Poor Richard's. |
| 1619 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
254 |
Roy |
Yeah, let's get out of here. |
| 1620 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
254 |
Pam |
Um... |
| 1621 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
255 |
Michael |
Um, guys, where you going? Pam, show's just getting started. |
| 1622 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
255 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 1623 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
256 |
Ryan |
You staying? |
| 1624 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
256 |
Jim |
Yeah, gotta eat somewhere. |
| 1625 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Michael |
And now... to someone who quietly goes about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts... |
| 1626 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Michael |
...the "Busiest Beaver" award goes to Phyllis Lapin. |
| 1627 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Michael |
Yeah, way to go Phyllis. Nice work, per usual. |
| 1628 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Phyllis |
This says "Bushiest Beaver". |
| 1629 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Michael |
What? I told them busiest...idiots. |
| 1630 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Phyllis |
It's, it's fine. |
| 1631 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
257 |
Michael |
Well, we'll fix it up. You don't have to display that. |
| 1632 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Pam |
...because that's what happens every time! |
| 1633 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Roy |
...talking about? He's a jackass every year. |
| 1634 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Pam |
No. |
| 1635 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Roy |
Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's. |
| 1636 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Pam |
No, I don't want to go, I don't want to. |
| 1637 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Roy |
Pam. Go. |
| 1638 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
258 |
Pam |
If you would have asked me that, then you would know. |
| 1639 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
259 |
Michael |
Herro everybodeeee. I'm gonna cwall Jan Revinson-Gould. |
| 1640 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
260 |
Jim |
Hey! How are ya? I thought you left? |
| 1641 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
260 |
Pam |
Oh no, I just, I decided to stay. |
| 1642 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
260 |
Jim |
Oh! |
| 1643 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
260 |
Pam |
I'll just get a ride home from Angela. |
| 1644 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
260 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 1645 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
261 |
Pam |
Oh good, I'm just in time for Ping. |
| 1646 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
261 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 1647 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
261 |
Michael |
Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny. |
| 1648 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
261 |
Michael |
Right? You know wat I'm talking 'bout. |
| 1649 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
262 |
Pam |
Can I get a drink? |
| 1650 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
263 |
Michael |
This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office. |
| 1651 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
263 |
Michael |
Somebody, who I think a lot of us, cannot keep, from checking out. The "Hottest in the Office" award goes to... ...Ryan the temp! |
| 1652 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
263 |
Michael |
Yeah. "Hidy ho, you sexy thang. You sexy thang you." Here you go. |
| 1653 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
264 |
Ryan |
What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now. |
| 1654 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
265 |
Michael |
And the "Tight Ass" award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has, a great caboose. So...come on down. |
| 1655 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
265 |
Angela |
No. |
| 1656 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
266 |
Jim |
I think those might be empty. |
| 1657 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
266 |
Pam |
No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink! |
| 1658 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
266 |
Jim |
Second drink? |
| 1659 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Michael |
The "Spicy Curry" award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here. Here you go. |
| 1660 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Kelly |
"Spicy Curry", what's that mean? |
| 1661 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Michael |
Um, not everything means something, it's just a joke. |
| 1662 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but why'd you give it to me? |
| 1663 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Michael |
I don't know, it's just... |
| 1664 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Kelly |
This is a bowler- |
| 1665 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Michael |
I know. It's ju- they didn't have any more businessmen. So... |
| 1666 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but everyone else- |
| 1667 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
267 |
Michael |
Just sit down Kelly. |
| 1668 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
268 |
Michael |
It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got Dwight sucking the funny out of the room, but you do what you can do. Here we go, he's early with the cue. Here we go. |
| 1669 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
269 |
Michael |
"You have won a tiny Dundie." |
| 1670 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
269 |
Guy at bar |
Sing it Elton. |
| 1671 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
269 |
Michael |
Hey, thanks guys. Hey, where you guys from? |
| 1672 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
269 |
Other Guy at Bar |
We just came from yo' mama's house. |
| 1673 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
Oh, alright, yeah. |
| 1674 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Guy At Bar |
Sing 'em a song dude. |
| 1675 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
Uh, you know what guys, we're just having a little office party, so if you want, uh... |
| 1676 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
Hey, you know, cool it guys, really- |
| 1677 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Guy At Bar |
You suck man! |
| 1678 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
Let's cut it. |
| 1679 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
I had a few more Dundies to, uh, give out tonight, but, I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap it up so everybody can enjoy their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened. This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the "Don't Go in There After Me" award. It's for the time that I went into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So... |
| 1680 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
270 |
Michael |
There you go. |
| 1681 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Pam |
Yay Kevin. Whoo hoo for Kevin! For stinking up the bathroom. |
| 1682 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Jim |
Yeah, alright Kev. |
| 1683 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Pam |
Woo! Hey, I haven't gotten one yet! |
| 1684 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Jim |
Yes, I have not gotten one either. So, keep going. |
| 1685 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Pam |
More Dundies! |
| 1686 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Pam, Jim |
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! |
| 1687 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Everybody |
Dundies! Dundies! |
| 1688 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Michael |
Alright, alright, alright, okay. Alright, we'll keep rolling. Okay, this is the fine work award. This goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year. |
| 1689 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Pam |
Fine work! Fine work Stanley! |
| 1690 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
271 |
Michael |
You know you did. |
| 1691 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
272 |
Pam |
Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech |
| 1692 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
272 |
Stanley |
Well, well, last year, I got great work, so I don't... |
| 1693 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
272 |
Stanley |
So, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin. |
| 1694 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
273 |
Michael |
And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley... |
| 1695 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
273 |
Michael |
...I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year. |
| 1696 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
273 |
Michael |
It is the "Whitest Sneakers" award! Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on! |
| 1697 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Michael |
Get on down here! Pam Beesley ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go. |
| 1698 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Pam |
I have so many people to thank for this award. |
| 1699 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Pam |
Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too. |
| 1700 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Pam |
Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie. |
| 1701 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Pam |
And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!! |
| 1702 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
274 |
Michael |
Pam Beesley ladies and gentleman. Oh! Thank you. |
| 1703 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
275 |
Jim |
What a great year for the Dundies. |
| 1704 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Jim |
We got to see Ping. And we learned of Michael's true feelings for Ryan. Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. Which for me, has ruined them for life. |
| 1705 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Jim |
What? |
| 1706 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Pam |
Nothing. |
| 1707 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 1708 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Pam |
What? |
| 1709 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Jim |
I don't know, what? |
| 1710 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
276 |
Jim |
Oh my God! You are so drunk! |
| 1711 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Jim |
Did you get that? Please tell me you got that. This is all going to be on. |
| 1712 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Dwight |
Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy. |
| 1713 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Jim |
He's a volunteer. |
| 1714 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Dwight |
Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush- |
| 1715 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Jim |
Dwight come on, come- |
| 1716 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Dwight |
It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt. |
| 1717 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Pam |
Dwight, get off me! |
| 1718 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Employee |
I'm sorry, you're gonna have to put your clothes back on, people are trying to eat. |
| 1719 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
277 |
Dwight |
Ahh! I can't- |
| 1720 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
278 |
Michael |
Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let's see, I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost. |
| 1721 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
279 |
Pam |
Oh my God! |
| 1722 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
279 |
Jim |
Whoa. |
| 1723 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
279 |
Pam |
I just want to say, that this was the best, Dundies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!!! |
| 1724 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
279 |
Jim |
Whoa. |
| 1725 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
279 |
Jim |
Whoa, careful, careful. |
| 1726 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
280 |
Chili's Employee |
We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again. |
| 1727 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
281 |
Michael |
Great work tonight. |
| 1728 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
281 |
Dwight |
Watch your step. |
| 1729 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
281 |
Michael |
Excellent. |
| 1730 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
281 |
Dwight |
Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion. |
| 1731 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
281 |
Michael |
Yes, that too, but I mean with the audio. Great work. |
| 1732 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
282 |
Pam |
I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall. |
| 1733 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
282 |
Jim |
No you don't. |
| 1734 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Jim |
Oh, here she is. Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there. |
| 1735 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Pam |
Hey, um, can I ask you a question? |
| 1736 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Jim |
Shoot. |
| 1737 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Pam |
Um, I just wanted to say thanks. |
| 1738 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Jim |
Not really a question. Okay, let's get you home, you're drunk. |
| 1739 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 1740 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 1741 |
2 |
1 |
The Dundies |
283 |
Jim |
Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you Angela. |
| 1742 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Michael |
Hey, what's up? |
| 1743 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 1744 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Michael |
Any emails today? |
| 1745 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Um... I don't think so. |
| 1746 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Michael |
No? Um... Check your spam folder. |
| 1747 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Oh! There it is! |
| 1748 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1749 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Um... 'Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson.' |
| 1750 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Well done. |
| 1751 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Michael |
Kay. |
| 1752 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
284 |
Jim |
Topical. |
| 1753 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
285 |
Michael |
I am king of forwards. It's how I like to do business, everybody joking around. We're like 'Friends'. I am Chandler and Joey and, uh, Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer. |
| 1754 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Dwight |
So the monkey does the s*x thing right here! |
| 1755 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh... because it's nature. Educational. |
| 1756 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Dwight |
Do you want the link because then you could forward it around? |
| 1757 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Um, I... |
| 1758 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Dwight |
Consider it? |
| 1759 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Yeah... maybe. Maybe. Well, we'll see. Because I... I don't know if it's... Whup! Come on! Hey! |
| 1760 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Todd Packer |
What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? This guy! |
| 1761 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Kay! Oh, you are so bad! Yeah! |
| 1762 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Oh, Boom! Bam! Oh, this guy is out of control! He is a madman! Better get the bleep button ready for him. |
| 1763 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Todd Packer |
bleep, bleep. What's up, Halpert? |
| 1764 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Uh oh. |
| 1765 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Todd Packer |
Still queer? |
| 1766 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
286 |
Michael |
Uh oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-o! |
| 1767 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
287 |
Michael |
Todd Packer and I are total BFF. Best Friends Forever. He and I came up together as salesmen. One time, we were out and we met this set of twins. And Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another, and we brought em back to the motel. And then Packer did both of them. It was awesome. So... |
| 1768 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Oh-whoa-oh! Oh! Okay. Grade 'A' gossip for you, right now. Randall, CFO, resigned. Nobody knows why. |
| 1769 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Todd Packer |
Are you kidding? Everyone knows why! You don't know? Okay, check this out. Al lright. So here's the story. So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? And she is totally incompetent. |
| 1770 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Really? Here we go! Buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy one! |
| 1771 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Todd Packer |
We're talking blonde incompetent. |
| 1772 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. |
| 1773 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Todd Packer |
Like 10 words a minute... talking. |
| 1774 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Well, to be fair... blondes, brunettes, you know, there's a lot of dumb people out there. |
| 1775 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Todd Packer |
They are women, right? |
| 1776 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Oh! Wow! I didn't say it! I didn't say it! |
| 1777 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Todd Packer |
I said it. And then, suddenly, for no reason, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch. |
| 1778 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
288 |
Michael |
Oh, wow! What did I tell you about the bleep button. |
| 1779 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
289 |
Jim |
Hey, um... what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy! |
| 1780 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
290 |
Todd Packer |
Meant to ask you, can you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the, uh, DUI situation? |
| 1781 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
290 |
Michael |
Oh. Bad boy. Um... Ryan? |
| 1782 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
290 |
Todd Packer |
Come on, kid. Let's go. |
| 1783 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
290 |
Michael |
Ah! Man. That Todd Packer can do anything. |
| 1784 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
290 |
Jim |
Except pass that breathalyzer. |
| 1785 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
291 |
Ryan |
You a big William Hung fan? |
| 1786 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
291 |
Todd Packer |
Why does everyone ask me that? Who the hell is that? |
| 1787 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
292 |
Jim |
I'm really excited to meet your Mom. |
| 1788 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
292 |
Pam |
You are? |
| 1789 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
293 |
Pam |
My Mom is coming in to visit. And she lives like two hours away. And she doesn't have a cell phone... which is cool cause it's kind of adding some suspense to my day. And I keep looking over at the door hoping she'll walk in. |
| 1790 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Pam |
I've decided to show her around. She really wants to meet everybody. |
| 1791 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Jim |
Oh yeah? |
| 1792 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Pam |
mmhmm. |
| 1793 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Jim |
Good. Cause I have a lot of questions. |
| 1794 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Pam |
Oh really? |
| 1795 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
294 |
Jim |
Yeah. As a child, did Pam show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist? |
| 1796 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Michael |
Hey, send me that link to the monkey s*x video. I'm going to forward it like it's hot. |
| 1797 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 1798 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Michael |
Forward it like it's hot. Forward it like it's hot. "Old School". |
| 1799 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Toby |
Michael? |
| 1800 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Michael |
Yes, Toby? |
| 1801 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Toby |
Um... I need to talk to you in your office. It'll just take two seconds. |
| 1802 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
295 |
Michael |
Um... literally two seconds? |
| 1803 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
296 |
Michael |
Toby is in HR which technically means he works for Corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family. |
| 1804 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
The full story is that Randall resigned because of sexual harassment. So Corporate asked me to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy. |
| 1805 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
No, no, Toby. No. |
| 1806 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
It's really not a big deal, Michael. |
| 1807 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
It is a big deal. It's a big deal! What are we supposed to do? Scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day? I mean, come on! |
| 1808 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
And then Corporate is going to send in a lawyer... |
| 1809 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1810 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
Just to refresh you... . |
| 1811 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
NO! |
| 1812 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
on our policy. |
| 1813 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
What? He! No! Okay, what is a lawyer going to come in and tell us? To not send out hilarious emails or not tell jokes? |
| 1814 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Toby |
Maybe not some of them. Maybe not inappropriate ones. |
| 1815 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
297 |
Michael |
There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke. |
| 1816 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
298 |
Michael |
Everyone! Hello! Everyone. Hi! Sorry to interrupt. I know you're all busy and the last thing you want is for a major interruption. But Toby has an announcement that he insists on making right now in the middle of the day. So, take it away. |
| 1817 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
298 |
Toby |
Yeah, okay. Corporate would like us to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy so I'll go over that later. |
| 1818 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
298 |
Michael |
I wish you luck, Toby. I really do. But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands and I just can't wait to see how you handle it. |
| 1819 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
299 |
Michael |
A guy goes to a five dollar... lady of the night and he gets crabs. So, the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says "Hey. It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?" This is what's at stake. |
| 1820 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Time to bring out the big guns. I'm heading down to the warehouse where jokes are born. Find a killer joke that'll just blow everybody away at the seminar later. And remind them what is great about this place. So... ah! Here they are. Guys! Wondering if I could, uh, get your help for something. I'm looking for a new joke to tell and it needs to be just killer. And it does not need to be clean. So whatcha got? |
| 1821 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Darryl |
Like a joke? A knock-knock joke? |
| 1822 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Um, yeah, no, well... I mean better. Better than that. The type of stuff you guys tell all day. |
| 1823 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Darryl |
Well, those are some awful tight pants you have on. Where'd you get em? Like Queers R Us? |
| 1824 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
Boys R Us! |
| 1825 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Warehouse Guy |
Oh! |
| 1826 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Alright, alright. Well, yeah, but, you know... a joke but not necessarily at my expense. |
| 1827 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Darryl |
Man, we can see all your business coming around the corner, okay? You need to, you know, hide the... good thing you don't have a lot of business to start with. |
| 1828 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Oooh, okay. That was still about me. |
| 1829 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
Hey, hey, hey. |
| 1830 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1831 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
So you don't have the biggest package. Don't feel bad. |
| 1832 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
I don't feel bad. |
| 1833 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Darryl |
I think he feels bad. |
| 1834 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
No, I don't. |
| 1835 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
You look like you feel bad. |
| 1836 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 1837 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
Little package! |
| 1838 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Well, not exactly what I was looking for but thanks guys. |
| 1839 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Warehouse guy |
Little package! Little package! |
| 1840 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 1841 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Roy |
You look good. |
| 1842 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
300 |
Darryl |
Hiding from his momma. |
| 1843 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
301 |
Toby |
So remember, intent is irrelevant. And that's it. Pam? |
| 1844 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
301 |
Pam |
Um... I just wanted to say that... Just, my Mom's coming in today. |
| 1845 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
301 |
Kevin |
MILF! |
| 1846 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
301 |
Pam |
Thanks, Kevin. |
| 1847 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
302 |
Pam |
Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke. |
| 1848 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Pam |
She's coming in today and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her. |
| 1849 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
Great point. |
| 1850 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 1851 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
Um... in fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just act everyday like Pam's Mom's coming in. All right. That's it. Um... if anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back. |
| 1852 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
Hi, is it over? |
| 1853 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
Uh, yes! |
| 1854 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
No. |
| 1855 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
I can go over it with you. |
| 1856 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
I know, I know. It's good. It is not over. It is not over til it's over. |
| 1857 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
It's over. |
| 1858 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
Did he tell you everything? Obviously, he didn't because you all still look relatively happy. Albeit bored. Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously? |
| 1859 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Angela |
Email forwards. |
| 1860 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
Exactly! Mmwwah ! Can we afford to lose email forwards? Do we want that? |
| 1861 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Angela |
I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or you'll have bad luck. |
| 1862 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
Give me a break. Umm... Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. But what? Are we just going to take it away? |
| 1863 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Stanley |
That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girls' school. I am taking it down right now. |
| 1864 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Meredith |
Um... what about office romance? |
| 1865 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
Office relationships are never a good idea. Yeah. So let's just try to avoid them. But, um, if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR. |
| 1866 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Phyllis |
All relationships? Eh, even a one-night stand? |
| 1867 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
I think the old honor system was just fine. For example, I have never slept with an employee. And, believe me, I could have. |
| 1868 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Dwight |
Yeah, Meredith. |
| 1869 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
No! No! Catherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was? |
| 1870 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 1871 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
She would have definitely slept with me. |
| 1872 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Kevin |
She wasn't that hot. |
| 1873 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Michael |
Yes, she was. Dammit, Kevin! |
| 1874 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
303 |
Toby |
Ok, you know, Michael... |
| 1875 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
304 |
Jim |
I'm in an office relationship. It's special. Um... she's nice. She's shy. She's actually here. You want to meet her? Hold on one second. Oh, my God! Put on a shirt! Put on a... . I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European. No, I told you that you'd be on camera. Stop it. |
| 1876 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Michael |
What if Pam was a lesbian? What if she brought her "partner" in to work? Would that be crossing the line? |
| 1877 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Toby |
No. |
| 1878 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Michael |
What if they made out? In front of everybody? |
| 1879 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Toby |
Well, that would be... |
| 1880 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Michael |
At home? And I told everybody everything about it. |
| 1881 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Toby |
Okay, I'm lost. |
| 1882 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
305 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, then let's act it out. Pam, you will be girl A and girl B will be... Okay! We'll use the doll. Pam. Pam? |
| 1883 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
306 |
Michael |
I wish Todd Packer was here because he would love this. I wonder if anybody else would like to do this. Hey! Um... we have to watch, uh, Toby's video that he's showing us in order to brainwash us and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? Going to be fun. Got my great pizza. Whataya say? Jim? |
| 1884 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
306 |
Jim |
No, thanks. I'm good. |
| 1885 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
306 |
Michael |
That's what she said. Pam? |
| 1886 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
306 |
Pam |
Uh... my mother's coming. |
| 1887 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
306 |
Michael |
That's what she sai Nope, but... Okay. Well, suit yourself. |
| 1888 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
307 |
Dwight |
Hey, Toby. |
| 1889 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
307 |
Toby |
Hey Dwight. |
| 1890 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
307 |
Dwight |
You said that we could come to you if we had any questions. |
| 1891 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
307 |
Toby |
Sure. |
| 1892 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
307 |
Dwight |
Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? What does the female v*g1n* look like? |
| 1893 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
308 |
Toby |
Technically, I am in Human Resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly. |
| 1894 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
309 |
Toby |
Yeah, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other, you can ask for that. |
| 1895 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
309 |
Dwight |
Good. Good. And... |
| 1896 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
309 |
Toby |
I should get back to work. |
| 1897 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
309 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 1898 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Man in Video |
In today's fast-paced business climate, it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action crosses the line. Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios and ask ourselves 'where is the line?' |
| 1899 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Video |
: The Natural Redhead] |
| 1900 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Roy |
Natural redhead. |
| 1901 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Actor |
Hey, Rach. |
| 1902 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Redheaded Actress |
Hey, Joe. Mike. |
| 1903 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Actor |
Hey, settle a bet. Are you a natural redhead? |
| 1904 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Darryl |
Oh, Mi... ! Hey, stop the video! Michael, stop it right there! Stop it right there! That's that girl from that thing. I banged this girl right here. This is... |
| 1905 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Roy |
That's her? |
| 1906 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Darryl |
Yes, this is the one. |
| 1907 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Roy |
No! |
| 1908 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Darryl |
You remember? Yes! |
| 1909 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Roy |
At the party? |
| 1910 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Warehouse guy |
You banged her? |
| 1911 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Darryl |
Yes! Right here. You are a naughty girl! |
| 1912 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
310 |
Michael |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Okay! Hypocrite! She is a hypocrite. That is such a scam! Okay. |
| 1913 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
311 |
Jan |
Yes. Yes, I did. Okay. Well, we can talk about that later then. Hi. |
| 1914 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
311 |
Michael |
Okay, you are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us... Darryl banged her! Aaand is about 90% sure. |
| 1915 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
312 |
Todd Packer |
Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town. We got, uh, lost for half an hour. |
| 1916 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
312 |
Pam |
I don't have any DUI's so I can drive myself, but thanks. |
| 1917 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
312 |
Todd Packer |
Where is Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably. |
| 1918 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
313 |
Michael |
So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley? I know a lot of lawyer jokes. |
| 1919 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
313 |
Mr. O'Malley |
I love lawyer jokes. |
| 1920 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
313 |
Michael |
Well, it's probably because you don't get 'em. |
| 1921 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
314 |
Michael |
When I said before that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another. |
| 1922 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Jan |
You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem? |
| 1923 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Michael |
The problem is that I am the boss and apparently I can't say anything. |
| 1924 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Jan |
Well, that... that's true in a way. You can't say anything. |
| 1925 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Michael |
Where's the line? Where's the line, Jan. |
| 1926 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Jan |
Do you need to see the video again, Michael? |
| 1927 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Michael |
No, I've seen the video. |
| 1928 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Toby |
He talked the whole time. |
| 1929 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
315 |
Michael |
No, I didn't. Huh, what? |
| 1930 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Michael |
Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out... we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things. |
| 1931 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Jim |
Does that include 'That's What She Said'? |
| 1932 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Michael |
Mmmhmm. Yes. |
| 1933 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Jim |
Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... |
| 1934 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Michael |
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! |
| 1935 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Jan |
Michael. MICHAEL! |
| 1936 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 1937 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Jan |
Michael, please. |
| 1938 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Todd Packer |
There he is. |
| 1939 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Michael |
Mwah! |
| 1940 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
316 |
Todd Packer |
There he is. Good one. |
| 1941 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
You would have done the same. You just didn't think of it first. |
| 1942 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Jan |
Mike... Michael. Please. I... I... really. |
| 1943 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
It's... That's... |
| 1944 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Jan |
That's not my sense of humor. |
| 1945 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
Okay. Hello. Jan. Mr. O'Malley. This is my lawyer, James P. Albiny. |
| 1946 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Jan |
Wha... |
| 1947 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. He specializes in Free Speech issues. |
| 1948 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Albiny |
And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits. |
| 1949 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
This guy does it all. |
| 1950 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Jan |
'Scuse me, I'm sorry. Michael. Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer. |
| 1951 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
What? |
| 1952 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Jan |
Mr. O'Malley is our Corporate lawyer. We have him on retainer. To protect the company as well as upper level management, such as yourself. |
| 1953 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
317 |
Michael |
So I'm not in trouble? |
| 1954 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
318 |
Michael |
I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting Corporate that I forget that I am Corporate. Upper management. They hooked me up with an attorney. To protect me. You can't be too careful about what you say. Mo' money, mo' problems. |
| 1955 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
319 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, let's get you out of here, James. Um... I think we're under an hour still, so... |
| 1956 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
319 |
Albiny |
Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here. |
| 1957 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
319 |
Michael |
I know. We'll talk about it later. Thanks for coming in. |
| 1958 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
320 |
Pam's Mom |
Um... hello. |
| 1959 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
320 |
Pam |
Oh my god! |
| 1960 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
320 |
Pam's Mom |
Finally made it! |
| 1961 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
320 |
Pam |
Hello! |
| 1962 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
321 |
Pam |
I love my Mom. Okay. That's probably really the most obvious statement ever. |
| 1963 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
322 |
Pam's Mom |
This is all yours? |
| 1964 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
322 |
Pam |
Yeah. I'm in charge of this whole area. |
| 1965 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
322 |
Pam's Mom |
Oh, my goodness. That's great. |
| 1966 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
323 |
Todd Packer |
So a guy goes home, tells his wife, "Honey. Pack your bags. I just won the lottery." She goes, "Oh my god! That's incredible! Where are we going?" He goes, "I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five!" Boom! |
| 1967 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
This is where I used to keep my computer. |
| 1968 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Oh, right! I remember... |
| 1969 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
But then I moved it. |
| 1970 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
with the picture. |
| 1971 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Yeah, yeah, but I uh... I switched stuff around because I actually needed like more room for organization. So... |
| 1972 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Sure. |
| 1973 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
So this is like, um, an organization station... |
| 1974 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Oooooh! |
| 1975 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 1976 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Well, there he is! |
| 1977 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Roy |
How are ya? |
| 1978 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Hi, handsome! |
| 1979 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Roy |
You look great! |
| 1980 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Oh, thank you! So! We ready for dinner? |
| 1981 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Well, you know... actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. But, it's okay, because I am very used to killing time. |
| 1982 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Oh, I don't believe that. |
| 1983 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Roy |
Okay, I'm going to go wait in the parking lot. And what kind of tunes you want for the ride? Little, uh, classical? Or oldies? |
| 1984 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Oh, anything is fine. |
| 1985 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Roy |
All right, I'll see ya. |
| 1986 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
So which one is Jim? |
| 1987 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Mom! |
| 1988 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
I just wanted to know. |
| 1989 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
No. |
| 1990 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
All right. Okay. |
| 1991 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Ten minutes. |
| 1992 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
Okay. |
| 1993 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam |
Then we can go to dinner. |
| 1994 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
324 |
Pam's Mom |
I'll make myself busy. |
| 1995 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Todd Packer |
There's this guy. He's at a Nymphomaniac Convention. And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smokin' hot perfect 10's, except for this one chick who looks a lot like, uh... |
| 1996 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Kevin |
Phyllis? |
| 1997 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
No. No, no, no. That crosses the line. |
| 1998 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Todd Packer |
Ex-squeeze me? |
| 1999 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
Not you. Kevin. Just unwarranted. Hostile work environment, Kevin. |
| 2000 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Kevin |
Packer said it. |
| 2001 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
No. You said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look. Kevin, we are a family here and Phyllis is a valued member of that family. Like a grandmother. |
| 2002 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Phyllis |
I'm the same age as you, Michael. |
| 2003 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
I don't know about that. |
| 2004 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Phyllis |
We're in the same High School class. |
| 2005 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
Well, I have a late birthday and usually September's a cut-off point. You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner. |
| 2006 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Kevin |
You mean where my desk is? |
| 2007 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
Yes, your corner. Go. |
| 2008 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Kevin |
Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway. |
| 2009 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
Mmmhmmm. |
| 2010 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Todd Packer |
Oh my. They really got to you, didn't they? |
| 2011 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
They didn't get to me. I got to them. I am still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved. You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is incredibly, incredibly attractive person. C'mere, c'mere, c'mon! Come on! Come on. |
| 2012 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Phyllis |
Michael! Come on! |
| 2013 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
Oooh! |
| 2014 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Phyllis |
You don't have to worry. I'm not going to... |
| 2015 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
I'm not worried. |
| 2016 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Phyllis |
...report you to HR. |
| 2017 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
325 |
Michael |
You know what? The only thing I'm worried about... is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody. |
| 2018 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
326 |
Michael |
Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am Upper Management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to. |
| 2019 |
2 |
2 |
Sexual Harassment |
327 |
Pam |
He said what? |
| 2020 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Michael |
I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms. Oh, breakfast. |
| 2021 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Ryan |
I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. |
| 2022 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Michael |
Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan. |
| 2023 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Ryan |
What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for? |
| 2024 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Michael |
Um. The sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. But thank you. And why don't you take a couple hours. The office is yours. "Home Alone," "Risky Business." Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you gotta do. |
| 2025 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Ryan |
I'm just going to take a nap in my car until work starts. |
| 2026 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
328 |
Michael |
Ok. Healthier. Gotta watch those carbs. |
| 2027 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
329 |
Michael |
Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. Investing in real estate. |
| 2028 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
329 |
Dwight |
Diversifying. Smart. |
| 2029 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
329 |
Michael |
Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property and they'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you. |
| 2030 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
329 |
Dwight |
And it worked. They should bring the stocks back. People'd obey the law, there'd be less troublemakers. |
| 2031 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
329 |
Michael |
Maybe. |
| 2032 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
330 |
Pam |
Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is that, it's up to me to revive him. |
| 2033 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Pam |
You see Dwight's coffee mug? |
| 2034 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 2035 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Pam |
Sometimes when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it. |
| 2036 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Jim |
No way. Let's do this Oh. |
| 2037 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Pam |
Here. |
| 2038 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Jim |
Wind. |
| 2039 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Pam |
Try paperclips. Oh wait. This message. For Dwight. |
| 2040 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Jim |
Perfect. |
| 2041 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 2042 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
331 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 2043 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
You should go. |
| 2044 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes. Final walkthrough. |
| 2045 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Uh huh. |
| 2046 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Sign the papers at the condo. |
| 2047 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
You have your lawyer there? |
| 2048 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Uh, I don't need one. |
| 2049 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Can I be your representative? |
| 2050 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
I don't need a representative. |
| 2051 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
I think I should be there. |
| 2052 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
No, No. |
| 2053 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
I'm good. I can make sure things are up to code. |
| 2054 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
No. Dwight. I'm fine. |
| 2055 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Please, I'm always the guy you rely on at work. |
| 2056 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Well, this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo, it's completely personal. |
| 2057 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
So you're taking a personal day? |
| 2058 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work. |
| 2059 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Please, I'll make you proud. |
| 2060 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
Ok. Fine. Yes, you can come. |
| 2061 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Yes! As your representative? |
| 2062 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
As my associate. |
| 2063 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Dwight |
Same thing. |
| 2064 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
332 |
Michael |
No it is not. |
| 2065 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
333 |
Dwight |
I have been Michael's #2 guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart, and I'm like Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart; you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. |
| 2066 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies. |
| 2067 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
You headed out? |
| 2068 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
We are. Dwight and I are going to the big thing. So why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports and I'd like them in by the end of the day. |
| 2069 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 2070 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
Very good. |
| 2071 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Have a great time. |
| 2072 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
We will. Um, did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines? |
| 2073 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Yeah, I changed them to your new address. |
| 2074 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
Good. The Small Business Man? |
| 2075 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Yup. |
| 2076 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
Maxim? American Way? Cracked? |
| 2077 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription. |
| 2078 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
How about, uh, Fine Arts? Aficionado Monthly? |
| 2079 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
NO, well can you get on that, because I don't just read Cracked. Thank you. |
| 2080 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 2081 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
334 |
Michael |
Ok. See you soon. |
| 2082 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Dwight |
What kind of shocks you got on this baby? |
| 2083 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Michael |
I don't know, regular. Normal ones. Nothing fancy. Not my style. What are you doing? |
| 2084 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Dwight |
I want to put the top down. |
| 2085 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Michael |
What? No, Dwight. It's fifty degrees outside. Don't... please... |
| 2086 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Dwight |
But then no one can see us. |
| 2087 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Michael |
I... Just... Would you put it up? Ok. Fine. Just leave it down. Whiner. |
| 2088 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Dwight |
Check it out. Terminator. |
| 2089 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
335 |
Michael |
I do not understand what you spend your money on. |
| 2090 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Kevin |
Ooh. |
| 2091 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
Hey, Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter? |
| 2092 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Oscar |
Yeah. It's a terrible system, I know. |
| 2093 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
What does 2005 season mean? |
| 2094 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Oscar |
Eh. |
| 2095 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
Wait a minute, what is this? |
| 2096 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Oscar |
It's a scoreboard. |
| 2097 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
What? |
| 2098 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Oscar |
Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out. |
| 2099 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 2100 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 2101 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Kevin |
Or when we're bored. |
| 2102 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Jim |
Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years. |
| 2103 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
336 |
Kevin |
We're bored a lot. |
| 2104 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Jim |
OH! |
| 2105 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Kevin |
Oh! |
| 2106 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Oscar |
Sweet! |
| 2107 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Jim |
Yes! So close. I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. Yeah. |
| 2108 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Kevin |
We call it Hate Ball. |
| 2109 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Jim |
Why? |
| 2110 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Kevin |
Because of how much Angela hates it. |
| 2111 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Jim |
Hey, do you guys have any other games? |
| 2112 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Kevin |
Sometimes we play "Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?" |
| 2113 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
337 |
Oscar |
You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball. |
| 2114 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
338 |
Michael |
Home, sweet home. |
| 2115 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
338 |
Dwight |
Which one's yours? |
| 2116 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
338 |
Michael |
Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back... wait... no, it's this one, right here. Home, sweet home. |
| 2117 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
339 |
Jim |
So that's what this sound is all day. |
| 2118 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Carol |
Michael, this is Bill. He's the head of the condo association. |
| 2119 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Michael |
Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He'd always get rolled over by something. |
| 2120 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Bill |
Nice to meet you. |
| 2121 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Michael |
Nice to meet you too. |
| 2122 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Dwight |
This is smaller than your old place. |
| 2123 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
340 |
Michael |
Yeah, small. I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So, it's still an upgrade. He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um. |
| 2124 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
341 |
Dwight |
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for s*x. |
| 2125 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Carol |
Are we ready to sign some papers? |
| 2126 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Dwight |
Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood. |
| 2127 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Bill |
It's very safe. It's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles. |
| 2128 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Carol |
It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood. |
| 2129 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Michael |
Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of that. |
| 2130 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
342 |
Dwight |
Let's go check out the master bedroom. |
| 2131 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
343 |
Jim |
Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games? |
| 2132 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
343 |
Stanley |
Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard so my kids can go to college." |
| 2133 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
343 |
Jim |
Fair enough. |
| 2134 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Michael |
This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall. |
| 2135 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Dwight |
Oh. Terrible idea. |
| 2136 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Michael |
I'm putting my bed right over here. |
| 2137 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed. |
| 2138 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Michael |
Well, then I will get a warrantee. |
| 2139 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Dwight |
Warrantees don't cover it, plus they're a rip-off. |
| 2140 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Michael |
Well then I won't get a warrantee. |
| 2141 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Dwight |
Shh Shh. |
| 2142 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Michael |
So that's the problem, is solved. What? |
| 2143 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
344 |
Dwight |
Listen. Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin. |
| 2144 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
345 |
Jim |
This scented candle ...andle ...andle. Which I found in the men's bathroom ...room ...room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something. |
| 2145 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
345 |
Kevin |
It smells like cookies. |
| 2146 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
345 |
Jim |
Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids. |
| 2147 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
345 |
Pam |
Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system. |
| 2148 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
346 |
Angela |
I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work. |
| 2149 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
347 |
Jim |
Let the games begin. |
| 2150 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Carol |
And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow. |
| 2151 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
What kind of mortgage did you get? |
| 2152 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Uh... Ten year. |
| 2153 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Carol |
Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total. |
| 2154 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
What? Wha? You said ten. |
| 2155 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Carol |
Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total. |
| 2156 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
Ho, thirty years. |
| 2157 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Ok, ok, ok. |
| 2158 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
Wow, you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies. |
| 2159 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 2160 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I've got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live. |
| 2161 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Ok. Alright. Oh boy. |
| 2162 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
Well, this is it. |
| 2163 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Carol |
Whenever you're ready. |
| 2164 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Um. Oh. Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off? |
| 2165 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Carol |
Actually yes. |
| 2166 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants. |
| 2167 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Um. I'm going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me. |
| 2168 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Dwight |
We'll be here waiting for you. |
| 2169 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
348 |
Michael |
Oh, man. |
| 2170 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
349 |
Dwight |
A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people. |
| 2171 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
350 |
Carol |
Whenever you're ready, Michael. |
| 2172 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
350 |
Michael |
Uh. |
| 2173 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
351 |
Jim |
You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam? |
| 2174 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
351 |
Pam |
Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton. |
| 2175 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
351 |
Jim |
Hum. |
| 2176 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
351 |
Pam |
In English, box of paper snowshoe racing. |
| 2177 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
351 |
Jim |
Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton. |
| 2178 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
352 |
Pam |
The thing about Jim, is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens. |
| 2179 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
353 |
Jim |
So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone? |
| 2180 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
353 |
Phyllis |
I'll do it. |
| 2181 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
353 |
Jim |
Yes! Phyllis! Phyllis, just put your foot right through here . Right through the flonk. |
| 2182 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Michael |
The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't... I don't... |
| 2183 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Carol |
What? |
| 2184 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Michael |
...know if you showed me this same unit or not. |
| 2185 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Carol |
Michael, this is the unit you saw and... |
| 2186 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Michael |
Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles. |
| 2187 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Carol |
Who told you that? |
| 2188 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
354 |
Michael |
As far as I can tell, I'm the best-looking person here. |
| 2189 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
355 |
Michael |
There's a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you've no place to go but down. |
| 2190 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Carol |
Is this a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom. |
| 2191 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Michael |
No, no, no. |
| 2192 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Carol |
That's some extra income for you. |
| 2193 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Michael |
I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin. |
| 2194 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Carol |
You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now. |
| 2195 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
356 |
Michael |
Ehhhh.... |
| 2196 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
357 |
Michael |
I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We're having fun. |
| 2197 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
357 |
Dwight |
Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today? |
| 2198 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Jim |
Here we go. Here we go. |
| 2199 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Pam |
Go! Go! Go! |
| 2200 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Oscar |
Pair of shoes! |
| 2201 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Jim |
Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It's Phyllis! |
| 2202 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Pam |
It's Phyllis! |
| 2203 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Jim |
Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton. |
| 2204 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Pam |
Flonkerton. |
| 2205 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Jim |
Thank you, delegate from Iceland. |
| 2206 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
358 |
Meredith |
Wow! |
| 2207 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
359 |
Jim |
Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow. |
| 2208 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
360 |
Michael |
There's something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today. |
| 2209 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
360 |
Dwight |
You didn't have to... |
| 2210 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
360 |
Michael |
No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent. |
| 2211 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
361 |
Michael |
Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities. |
| 2212 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Dwight |
I don't even know what to say. |
| 2213 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Michael |
I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you're, you know, you're gone. |
| 2214 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Dwight |
Question. Where can I put my terrarium? |
| 2215 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Michael |
What the hell is a terrarium? |
| 2216 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Dwight |
It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards. |
| 2217 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Michael |
Oh, so an aquarium. Ah, that will not come into this place. |
| 2218 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
362 |
Dwight |
Question. My grandparents left me a large number of armoires. |
| 2219 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Pam |
Are you sure you don't want to play? |
| 2220 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Angela |
I'm sure. |
| 2221 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Pam |
Come on Angela, don't you have a game? |
| 2222 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Angela |
I have one, yes. |
| 2223 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Pam |
Well, let's play, what is it? |
| 2224 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Angela |
I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you. |
| 2225 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Pam |
We're friends. |
| 2226 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Angela |
Apparently. |
| 2227 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Jim |
Very nicely done. I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis. |
| 2228 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Phyllis |
Are you calling me a ho? |
| 2229 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
363 |
Jim |
Oh my god. Phyllis, coming alive. I like it. |
| 2230 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Dwight |
Question. What about carpooling, who pays for the gas? |
| 2231 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Michael |
We take separate cars. |
| 2232 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Dwight |
Question. Can sometimes I drive your car and you drive mine? |
| 2233 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Michael |
Why would we do that? |
| 2234 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Dwight |
Just for fun? |
| 2235 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Michael |
No. |
| 2236 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Dwight |
Question. Who is the primary on the fire insurance? |
| 2237 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
364 |
Michael |
EHHHHNT. Game over. Offer revoked. Dwight. I'm sorry, but you reach out and you try to be a nice guy, and help out a friend, and this is what happens. This is what I get. Oh god. I'm ... Ok. |
| 2238 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
365 |
Dwight |
Thank god. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farm house. I have my own crossbow range. It's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. |
| 2239 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
366 |
Oscar |
Ah... |
| 2240 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
366 |
Everyone |
OH! |
| 2241 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
366 |
Jim |
Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration? |
| 2242 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
366 |
Ryan |
I did. |
| 2243 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
366 |
Jim |
Ryan Howard. Ryan! Gold medal. |
| 2244 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
367 |
Pam |
I made something for our closing ceremonies. |
| 2245 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
367 |
Jim |
What? Oh my god. Where did you have time to make that? |
| 2246 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
367 |
Pam |
Automatic voicemail. |
| 2247 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
367 |
Jim |
Alright Pam, alright . Nice work! |
| 2248 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
367 |
Stanley |
A little bit more and I would have had it. |
| 2249 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Dwight |
You know you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm. We paid it off early. |
| 2250 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst. |
| 2251 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Dwight |
People love beets. |
| 2252 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Michael |
Nobody likes beets. |
| 2253 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Dwight |
Everybody loves beets. |
| 2254 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Michael |
Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet. |
| 2255 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Dwight |
Let's get this roof going. |
| 2256 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Michael |
Stop it! |
| 2257 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
368 |
Dwight |
Ow. |
| 2258 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Jim |
Final lap. Final lap. Time to beat is 1:15. |
| 2259 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Stanley |
Oscar! |
| 2260 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Crowd |
Go! Go! Go! |
| 2261 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Jim |
Time to beat is one minute, 15 seconds. Here they come. Guys? |
| 2262 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Dwight |
What is going on? |
| 2263 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Jim |
Nothing. Guys? Timer's still going? Er? |
| 2264 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
369 |
Dwight |
That's my stopwatch. |
| 2265 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
370 |
Jim |
Here you go. All done. |
| 2266 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
370 |
Oscar |
Great. |
| 2267 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
371 |
Jim |
Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. That took about five minutes and then I closed two sales at lunch time. So, about as productive as any other day. If not more so. |
| 2268 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
372 |
Ryan |
I figured I could throw it away now, or I could keep it for a couple of months and then throw it away. I mean, it was really nice of Pam to make them, but what am I going to do with a gold medal made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid? |
| 2269 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 2270 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Pam |
I have 59 voicemails. |
| 2271 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Jim |
Mmm. Hey, can you ignore those and do something for me instead? |
| 2272 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 2273 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Jim |
Okay, today. 5 o'clock. Closing Ceremonies. |
| 2274 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 2275 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Jim |
Notify the athletes. |
| 2276 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
373 |
Pam |
Cool. |
| 2277 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 2278 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Michael |
Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going... What's going on? |
| 2279 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Jim |
Nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo. |
| 2280 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Michael |
Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom, gay-friendly. |
| 2281 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 2282 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Michael |
You know. |
| 2283 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Jim |
Hey, would you mind coming out here for a second? I just have something for you. |
| 2284 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
374 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 2285 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Michael |
What's this? |
| 2286 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Jim |
These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You're on the top one. Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal. |
| 2287 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Michael |
I don't really know what to say. Um, I'm not one for making speeches, but ah, my heart is very full at this moment. |
| 2288 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Jim |
And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal. |
| 2289 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Michael |
Get up here, Dwight. |
| 2290 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Dwight |
Silver medal. |
| 2291 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Michael |
Yep, not as good as gold. Why are you playing the national anthem? |
| 2292 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Jim |
Um... 'Cause your condo's in America. |
| 2293 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Michael |
Oh. What the hell is that? |
| 2294 |
2 |
3 |
Office Olympics |
375 |
Jim |
Those are the doves. |
| 2295 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
376 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure, can I ask who's calling? Just a second. |
| 2296 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
376 |
Jim |
Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker. |
| 2297 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
377 |
Pam |
Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they're like going out, or dating, or something. And, uh... I don't know! You know? They're just... She calls him, and they... You know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud? |
| 2298 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
378 |
Jim |
So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye. |
| 2299 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
378 |
Pam |
Hey! You can just give her your extension. |
| 2300 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
378 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 2301 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
379 |
Michael |
Howard, slash Ryan, Ryan Howard is sitting in my office. And he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten the lay of the land a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way. And now he wants to know what I think. |
| 2302 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
379 |
Ryan |
The temp agency wants to know what you think. |
| 2303 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
379 |
Michael |
Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaeeexcellent! |
| 2304 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
380 |
Dwight |
Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp. He hasn't evaluated me in years. |
| 2305 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
381 |
Michael |
Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where do you want to be? |
| 2306 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
381 |
Ryan |
Ah, well, I'm interested in business. |
| 2307 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
381 |
Michael |
Oh! Good. Ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager? |
| 2308 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
381 |
Ryan |
Uh, no, actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company. |
| 2309 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
381 |
Michael |
That is ridiculous. |
| 2310 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
382 |
Michael |
Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one. |
| 2311 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
383 |
Michael |
Much advice you seek. Do you know who that is? |
| 2312 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
383 |
Ryan |
Fozzie bear? |
| 2313 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
383 |
Michael |
Mmm... No. That was Yoda. |
| 2314 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
384 |
Michael |
There are ten rules of business that you need to learn. Number one: You need to play to win. But... you also have to win to play. |
| 2315 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
384 |
Ryan |
Got it. |
| 2316 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
384 |
Michael |
And I will give you the rest of the ten at lunch. |
| 2317 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
385 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 2318 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
386 |
Dwight |
Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto. |
| 2319 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Oscar |
But it says no late fee... . |
| 2320 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
People! |
| 2321 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Okay! Everybody! |
| 2322 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
This is not a test! Move to the exits! |
| 2323 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Do not panic! |
| 2324 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
Head towards the exits. |
| 2325 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Safety partners. |
| 2326 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
Get up off your desks! |
| 2327 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Do not panic. |
| 2328 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Oscar |
No, I don't hear it? Alright. |
| 2329 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
No, panic is warranted! |
| 2330 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Go in single file lines. |
| 2331 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Oscar |
No, no. Finish the... |
| 2332 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
This is not at drill! |
| 2333 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides! |
| 2334 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively! |
| 2335 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Angela |
Go, let's go. |
| 2336 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
387 |
Dwight |
This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow! |
| 2337 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
This is not a test! Can you leave?! |
| 2338 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Phyllis |
Oh, you say that every time. |
| 2339 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
DO YOU WANT TO DIE? |
| 2340 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Phyllis |
Oh, boy... |
| 2341 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
Do you want to die? OUT!! |
| 2342 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Angela |
Alright, let's go, let's go. |
| 2343 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim? |
| 2344 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Angela |
Come on, you're safety partners! |
| 2345 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
Move to the exits! |
| 2346 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Angela |
You're safety partners! |
| 2347 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you! |
| 2348 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Kelly |
I'm okay! |
| 2349 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose. |
| 2350 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Kelly |
Let go of me! |
| 2351 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
388 |
Dwight |
Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW! |
| 2352 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
389 |
Michael |
Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands. |
| 2353 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
390 |
Michael |
Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations. |
| 2354 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
390 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 2355 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
390 |
Michael |
Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two. |
| 2356 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
391 |
Dwight |
Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he? |
| 2357 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Michael |
So what was rule two? |
| 2358 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Ryan |
Ah... adapt, react, re-adapt, act. |
| 2359 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Michael |
Okay, well, let's... . let's kind of take it a little slower. |
| 2360 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Dwight |
Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off. |
| 2361 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Michael |
Okay, uh, well, one is taken. |
| 2362 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Ryan |
Uh, okay, two? |
| 2363 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Dwight |
NO! |
| 2364 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
392 |
Ryan |
Okay... uh, sorry? |
| 2365 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
393 |
Dwight |
Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today. |
| 2366 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
393 |
Michael |
Well, he needs a permanent number, right? |
| 2367 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
393 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 2368 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
394 |
Ryan |
...I don't. |
| 2369 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
394 |
Dwight |
Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers. |
| 2370 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
394 |
Michael |
Um, yeah. Okay. That... No, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges. |
| 2371 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
394 |
Dwight |
That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers... |
| 2372 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
395 |
Ryan |
I don't want to be like "a guy" here. You know? Like, Stanley is the "crossword puzzle guy". And Angela has cats. I don't want to have a thing... here. You know, I don't want to be the "something guy". |
| 2373 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
396 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do? |
| 2374 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
396 |
Stanley |
Ooh. |
| 2375 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
396 |
Jim |
And, um... |
| 2376 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
396 |
Pam |
...Would You Rather? |
| 2377 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
396 |
Jim |
Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game. |
| 2378 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
397 |
Dwight |
Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a... |
| 2379 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela. |
| 2380 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Angela |
The Bible. |
| 2381 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Stanley |
That's one book. You've got two others. |
| 2382 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Angela |
A Purpose Driven Life. |
| 2383 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Nice. Third book? |
| 2384 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Angela |
No. |
| 2385 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Okay. Phyllis. |
| 2386 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Phyllis |
Um, The DaVinci Code. |
| 2387 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Angela |
The DaVinci Code! |
| 2388 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 2389 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Angela |
I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code. |
| 2390 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Dwight |
Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island? |
| 2391 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
I guess. |
| 2392 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Dwight |
Then I would bring an axe, no books. |
| 2393 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight. |
| 2394 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Dwight |
Fine. Physician's Desk Reference. |
| 2395 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Jim |
Nice. Smart. |
| 2396 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
398 |
Dwight |
...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash? |
| 2397 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
399 |
Michael |
Rule number four. In business, image is everything - Andre Agassi. This car is an investment. Right? If I have to take out a client or I'm seen around Scranton in it. I love it. I love this car. Do you like it? |
| 2398 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
399 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 2399 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
400 |
Jim |
Okay. Thought people read more books. |
| 2400 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
401 |
Jim |
DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith? |
| 2401 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
401 |
Meredith |
Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County... |
| 2402 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 2403 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Pam |
Legends of the Fall? |
| 2404 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Jim |
Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... . |
| 2405 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Pam |
Well, I kind of liked Legal... |
| 2406 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Jim |
Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable. |
| 2407 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Pam |
I take it back. |
| 2408 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Jim |
Unforgivable. |
| 2409 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Pam |
I take it back! |
| 2410 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
402 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 2411 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
403 |
Meredith |
...and Ghost. But, ah, just that one scene... |
| 2412 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Dwight |
Is this your car, Ryan? |
| 2413 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Wow, some pretty big books back there, huh? |
| 2414 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
Don't... |
| 2415 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Dwight |
Good shocks. |
| 2416 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Hello, Mr. Egghead! Woop! So... oh, Stanley Kaplan! I know him. 'M' is for Murder, 'P' is for... |
| 2417 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
That's actually a test prep book. |
| 2418 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
...for Phone. What? |
| 2419 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
That's a test prep for business school. |
| 2420 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Um, oh, thinking about business school? |
| 2421 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
I just got in. I applied, I go at night. |
| 2422 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 2423 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 2424 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
So you think you know a lot about business? |
| 2425 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
No, not yet. |
| 2426 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Uh huh. |
| 2427 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
Just started. |
| 2428 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Yeah. Quiz me. |
| 2429 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
I... wouldn't even know where to start. |
| 2430 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Come on, egghead. Let's do it. |
| 2431 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Dwight |
Do it. |
| 2432 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Quiz me up. |
| 2433 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Ryan |
All right, um... Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years? |
| 2434 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
404 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 2435 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
405 |
Michael |
When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then I spe... lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me. |
| 2436 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Ryan |
Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer? |
| 2437 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Keep an existing... |
| 2438 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
Shut, it. Can I... can I just do it please? Uh, it's equal. |
| 2439 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Ryan |
It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer. |
| 2440 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
Okay. Yes! It was a trick question. |
| 2441 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks. |
| 2442 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
Okay, Dwight. |
| 2443 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Self taught. You didn't even go to college. |
| 2444 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
You know what, Dwight? You don't need to help me here. Okay? Well, you know... Maybe you should go to business school like Ryan, then... then you'd know what you're talking about. |
| 2445 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh? |
| 2446 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
For instance, why don't you go to business... |
| 2447 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
You should learn from him, right? |
| 2448 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Ryan |
I am. |
| 2449 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Right? |
| 2450 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Ryan |
I am. |
| 2451 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Michael |
Stop. Dwight. You know what? You're acting like a dork. Would you cool it? Please. Okay. Hey! He's not your five year old brother, Dwight. He's a valued member of this company... and you know what? He knows more about business than you ever will. |
| 2452 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
406 |
Dwight |
Stupid! |
| 2453 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
407 |
Michael |
I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA. So... so it's not the same thing. At all. |
| 2454 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
408 |
Michael |
Look at this stuff. Market fragments. What is that supposed to be? |
| 2455 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
408 |
Ryan |
It's a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base. |
| 2456 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
408 |
Michael |
You are so smart. You are so eff-in' smart. You should be teaching me. |
| 2457 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Pam? Get us back into it. |
| 2458 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 2459 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Five movies. Go ahead. |
| 2460 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
Um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused... |
| 2461 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Ooh, definitely in my top five. |
| 2462 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
Yes. In my top three, so suck it. |
| 2463 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
What? |
| 2464 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
Breakfast Club. Um... The Princess Bride and... |
| 2465 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Okay that's five. |
| 2466 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
No, my all time favorite! |
| 2467 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Pam, play by the rules. |
| 2468 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Pam |
All time favorite. |
| 2469 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Jim |
Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie. |
| 2470 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
409 |
Dwight |
The Crow. |
| 2471 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
410 |
Michael |
I became a salesman... because of people, I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, at a very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but... You know? I'm very successful... your coworkers look at you differently. Huu, what do you think? |
| 2472 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
410 |
Ryan |
Maybe we should get some air. |
| 2473 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
410 |
Michael |
Nah, I'm okay. |
| 2474 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
410 |
Ryan |
I'm really uncomfortable. |
| 2475 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Jim |
All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do? |
| 2476 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Kevin |
Present company excluded? |
| 2477 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Jim |
Um, not neccessari... |
| 2478 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Kevin |
Pam. |
| 2479 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Oscar |
Pam. |
| 2480 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Jim |
Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then... |
| 2481 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Song |
Think you've had too much / in this life. |
| 2482 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Jim |
Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back. |
| 2483 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
411 |
Stanley |
Okay, um... |
| 2484 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Dwight. Dwight. |
| 2485 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Everybody hurts, |
| 2486 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Come on Dwight! Use words. |
| 2487 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Sometim... . |
| 2488 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
Why didn't I go to business school? |
| 2489 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Who goes to business school? |
| 2490 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
The temp. |
| 2491 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
He does? |
| 2492 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore. |
| 2493 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Pam |
You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself 'I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends'. |
| 2494 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
He doesn't even know that I do that. |
| 2495 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Pam |
You should tell him. |
| 2496 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. |
| 2497 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Pam |
Dwight. |
| 2498 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
What? |
| 2499 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway. |
| 2500 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them. |
| 2501 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins. |
| 2502 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Yeah. You're right. |
| 2503 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Dwight |
Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time. |
| 2504 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Pam |
Kay. |
| 2505 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Everybody hurts |
| 2506 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Alright buddy. |
| 2507 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Everybody cries |
| 2508 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Roy |
Hey! Guys, what's going on? |
| 2509 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Jim |
Nothing. |
| 2510 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 2511 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Everybody hurts |
| 2512 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Roy |
What's up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit? |
| 2513 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Song |
Sometimes |
| 2514 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
412 |
Roy |
The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes. |
| 2515 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Stanley |
Come on people, you know the rules of the game now. |
| 2516 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Oh, hey. Game, what game are we playing here? |
| 2517 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Stanley |
Okay. It's called Who Would You Do? |
| 2518 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Oh, I play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep. What, uh... . Where are we? Where are we here? Mmm.. Roy? Roy? Who would you do, Roy? |
| 2519 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Roy |
Uh... Oh, I got it! Uh, what's the name of that, uh, tight ass, uh, Christian, uh, chick. The, uh, the blond? |
| 2520 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Angela |
My name is Angela. |
| 2521 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Roy |
Hey, Angela! Roy. Nice to meet you. |
| 2522 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Aaaall right. Who's next, who's next, who's next, who's? Jim? You're next. Who would you do? |
| 2523 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Jim |
Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling. |
| 2524 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Well, I would definitely have s*x with Ryan. 'Cause he is going to own his own business. |
| 2525 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Roy |
You're all gay. |
| 2526 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Who's, uh... Who's next? Who we got? Whooo... |
| 2527 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Ryan |
Hey, no, I can talk, I can talk, I can talk... this is great timing. |
| 2528 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Wish I had my cell phone, but I left it inside. So... |
| 2529 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Dwight |
Would that make you happy? |
| 2530 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
What's that? |
| 2531 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Dwight |
If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy? |
| 2532 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 2533 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Dwight |
I'm on it. |
| 2534 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Dwight. Hey! |
| 2535 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Angela |
You can't go in yet! |
| 2536 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
Dwight, don't! He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen. |
| 2537 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Kevin |
What if he dies in the fire? And that's the last thing you ever said to him. |
| 2538 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
413 |
Michael |
I didn't say it to him. I said it about him. |
| 2539 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Meredith |
...Jim. |
| 2540 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Phyllis |
Definitely Jim. |
| 2541 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Kelly |
Definitely, definitely, Jim. |
| 2542 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Phyllis |
Come on, Pam. |
| 2543 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Kelly |
How about you Pam? |
| 2544 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Pam |
Um... Oscar's kind of cute. |
| 2545 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I like Oscar. |
| 2546 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Pam |
Ooh, Toby! |
| 2547 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Michael |
How long does it take to find a cell phone? I don't know either. |
| 2548 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
414 |
Meredith |
Is there anybody else. |
| 2549 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Jim |
Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs... |
| 2550 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Seriously, where the hell is Dwight? Hey, call my cell phone. It'll make it easier for him to find. |
| 2551 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Ryan |
What's your number? |
| 2552 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
I gave it to you in the car. |
| 2553 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Ryan |
Um... |
| 2554 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
I saw you program it in. |
| 2555 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Ryan |
You got to... you got to give it to me again. |
| 2556 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Okay. Alright. |
| 2557 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Ryan |
Now I have it. |
| 2558 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Uh, I better tell somebody. Excuse me, sir... |
| 2559 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Dwight!? Great goin'. God, Man! Why did you go in there? What... Everybody was scared out of their wits, man? Oooh. |
| 2560 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Dwight |
Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing. |
| 2561 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Wow. Okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school. |
| 2562 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Dwight |
That's exactly what I said. |
| 2563 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Hey, did you miss that day there, Ryan? |
| 2564 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Dwight |
Were you absent? |
| 2565 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Michael |
Toaster Oven 101? |
| 2566 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Dwight |
You failed? |
| 2567 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
415 |
Ryan |
I am so sorry. |
| 2568 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
416 |
Michael |
Hey! I know what'll impress everybody, I'll start a fire. Oh, man. Bad idea. Bad idea jeans. |
| 2569 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
417 |
Dwight |
I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning! |
| 2570 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
417 |
Dwight, Michael |
Ryan started the fire! It was always burning--- |
| 2571 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
417 |
Dwight |
Everybody! |
| 2572 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
417 |
Michael |
...since the world was turning. |
| 2573 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
418 |
Ryan |
I can't believe I started the fire. |
| 2574 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
419 |
Dwight |
... Marilyn Monroe! |
| 2575 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
419 |
Dwight, Michael |
Ryan started the fire! It was always burning... |
| 2576 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
419 |
Dwight |
Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it! |
| 2577 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
Hi! |
| 2578 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 2579 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
How are you? |
| 2580 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
Good, how are you? |
| 2581 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
I'm good. It's good to see you. |
| 2582 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
Good to see you, too. |
| 2583 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
I'm hungry. |
| 2584 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
Yeah, I am too. |
| 2585 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over and I have my answers. |
| 2586 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
What answers? |
| 2587 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
Um, for the... the desert island. |
| 2588 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Jim |
Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. Desert Island. Five movies. Go. |
| 2589 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
420 |
Katy |
Okay, um, first, Legally Blond. |
| 2590 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
421 |
Pam |
I forgot what a super, nice girl Katy is. And just... good for Jim! They are so cute together. And, um, what an adorable car. |
| 2591 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Jim |
Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch? |
| 2592 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Katy |
Okay. |
| 2593 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 2594 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Katy |
Alright! You want to drive? |
| 2595 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 2596 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
422 |
Katy |
Alright. |
| 2597 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
423 |
Katy |
They are soo cute. |
| 2598 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Ryan |
I'm really sorry, Dwight. |
| 2599 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Dwight |
Answer me this, though. |
| 2600 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 2601 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Dwight |
Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp? |
| 2602 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 2603 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Kevin |
Was it worth it? |
| 2604 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 2605 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Ryan |
I'm really sorry, Dwight. |
| 2606 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
424 |
Dwight |
The fire guy! The fire guy! |
| 2607 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
425 |
Dwight |
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire! |
| 2608 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
426 |
Michael |
Okay. Rule five - safety first, i.e. don't burn the building down. Okay? That should be a no brainer. |
| 2609 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
427 |
Michael |
Oh... look! Ryan is book smart. And I am street smart. And book smart. |
| 2610 |
2 |
4 |
The Fire |
428 |
Michael |
I'll give you the rest of the ten tomorrow. |
| 2611 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
429 |
Michael |
Happy Halloween, everyone! Oh... that's great! |
| 2612 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
429 |
Pam |
Hey... Happy Halloween. Jan called. |
| 2613 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
429 |
Michael |
Ohh... OK. |
| 2614 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
I know why she's calling. It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile. Okay. |
| 2615 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Jan Levinson's office. |
| 2616 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Hey, Sherri. Michael Scott returning. |
| 2617 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Oh, she's in a meeting. Uh, she just wanted the name of the employee you let go. |
| 2618 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Well, I'm gonna wait till the end of the day. Because the book said it's best to wait till the end of the day. |
| 2619 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
I just need the name of who you're planning to let go. |
| 2620 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
I don't know... yet. I will have to call her back. |
| 2621 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
I know she wanted the name. |
| 2622 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Okay... Sherri? |
| 2623 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Yeah? |
| 2624 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so you could still be friends with the person firing you? |
| 2625 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael. |
| 2626 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Thanks. |
| 2627 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Mm-Hmm. |
| 2628 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
I'll call her back. Wish I could fire Sherri. |
| 2629 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Hey, I'm still here. |
| 2630 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Okay! I'm sorry. |
| 2631 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Yeah. |
| 2632 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
No? |
| 2633 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
OK. |
| 2634 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Michael |
Bye. |
| 2635 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
430 |
Sherri |
Hanging up now. |
| 2636 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
I mean you hear about layoffs in the news, but when you actually have to do it yourself, it is heavy stuff. It's... these are people's lives you're talking about. |
| 2637 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
You wanted me? |
| 2638 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 2639 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
Papier-mache? |
| 2640 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 2641 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 2642 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Yeeesh. |
| 2643 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 2644 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Um, Pam, I have to let somebody go today. This is, uh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. |
| 2645 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
Why did you put it off until Halloween? |
| 2646 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Because it's very scary stuff. |
| 2647 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little. |
| 2648 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here. |
| 2649 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
So it's a man? |
| 2650 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
No. Or a woman. A human life. If you had to guess, who it would be based on their job performance... and who you think deserved to be fired - who would that be? |
| 2651 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
I just answer the phone. |
| 2652 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
And... sometimes you just let it go to voicemail. |
| 2653 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
You're costume is fantastic! |
| 2654 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
I know. I sent away for it in July from a catalog. |
| 2655 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Pam |
Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't. Aah! Okay... |
| 2656 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
431 |
Michael |
Oh, man. Okay, I have to fire somebody. |
| 2657 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Dwight |
What is that?! What are you supposed to be? |
| 2658 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Jim |
I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch. |
| 2659 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Phyllis |
That's great! |
| 2660 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. |
| 2661 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Dwight |
Yeah, well look... What about me? |
| 2662 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Phyllis |
What are you? A monk? |
| 2663 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Dwight |
I am a Sith Lord. Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars. |
| 2664 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
432 |
Phyllis |
Ass. |
| 2665 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 2666 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Oscar |
Michael. |
| 2667 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
You guys excited about the party? |
| 2668 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 2669 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
It's gonna be fun. |
| 2670 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 2671 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 2672 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
Oh, boy... look at you! Haha. Showing your colors. Bet you wish you wore a dress every day. |
| 2673 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Oscar |
What are you implying? |
| 2674 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
All good. Happy Halloween. What happened to all those spooky decorations that we had? The cobwebs and such? |
| 2675 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Angela |
You know, I don't know. We put them all up last night. |
| 2676 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good? |
| 2677 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 2678 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
Good. Oh, yeah, also about budget stuff. Um, I'm going to need you to find, like a, a full employee salary, plus benefits, like fifty grand. I'm going to need you to find 50 grand in the numbers. |
| 2679 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Angela |
But we don't keep two sets of books. |
| 2680 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
433 |
Michael |
Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it. |
| 2681 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Michael |
Mmm-hm-hmm. Interesting take on Dorothy. I love it. Hey, you know what would even be better? Soccer ball and cleats. |
| 2682 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Kelly |
Why is that? |
| 2683 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Michael |
"Bend It Like Beckham." |
| 2684 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Kelly |
Oh, like ... the movie about the Indian girl who plays soccer? |
| 2685 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Michael |
Yeah. That would be perfect. |
| 2686 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Kelly |
Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that. I don't really play soccer or anything. |
| 2687 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
434 |
Michael |
Well, I don't really have two heads. So... |
| 2688 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
435 |
Dwight |
Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH! |
| 2689 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Pam |
Okay, greatest strength. |
| 2690 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Jim |
Okay, okay... |
| 2691 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Pam |
A dog-like obedience to authority |
| 2692 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 2693 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Pam |
But that doesn't sound good. |
| 2694 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
436 |
Jim |
Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player? |
| 2695 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
437 |
Jim |
Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India. |
| 2696 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
438 |
Pam |
He's a gun nut. |
| 2697 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
438 |
Jim |
Um. He sticks to his guns. |
| 2698 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Angela |
Well, I looked through all the budgets. And there is one department... |
| 2699 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Oscar |
Yes? |
| 2700 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Angela |
... that has three people... |
| 2701 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Oscar |
Yeah? |
| 2702 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Angela |
... doing the work that could be done by two. |
| 2703 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Oscar |
This is great. Oh. |
| 2704 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
439 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Oh. |
| 2705 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Michael |
Who do you think it should be? |
| 2706 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Dwight |
Jim. Definitely. |
| 2707 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Michael |
No, Jim brings in money. |
| 2708 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Dwight |
Phyllis. |
| 2709 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Michael |
Eh. |
| 2710 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
440 |
Dwight |
Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela. |
| 2711 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
441 |
Michael |
It's not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale. |
| 2712 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
One of the warehouse guys. |
| 2713 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
What? There was someone left off that list? Who? |
| 2714 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Who is he saying? |
| 2715 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
You're right, I didn't even think of him. |
| 2716 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
No, Michael. |
| 2717 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
Yeah, that's actually a really good idea. |
| 2718 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
No, not me. |
| 2719 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
Yeah... I could. |
| 2720 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Not Dwight. |
| 2721 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
I'm not saying that's what he said. |
| 2722 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
I know that's what he said. |
| 2723 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
What? |
| 2724 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Tell him, not Dwight. |
| 2725 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
That is not a very nice thing to say about him. |
| 2726 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Tell him to stop. |
| 2727 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
Are you kidding? |
| 2728 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Quiet, you. |
| 2729 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Michael |
I agree. He'd land on his feet. |
| 2730 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
442 |
Dwight |
Make him be quiet. |
| 2731 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Angela |
Those aren't chips and dip. |
| 2732 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Pam |
No, I made brownies. |
| 2733 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Angela |
Uh! |
| 2734 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Pam |
... What? |
| 2735 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Angela |
I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things. |
| 2736 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Pam |
I made brownies. |
| 2737 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
443 |
Angela |
And I made cookies. Same category. |
| 2738 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
444 |
Pam |
I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts. |
| 2739 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
445 |
Pam |
Dunder-Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh, yeah. Just one second. I will, uh, transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott. |
| 2740 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
446 |
Jim |
Um... Whoa. Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay. |
| 2741 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Dwight |
Stanley, could you come with me, please. |
| 2742 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 2743 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Dwight |
As Assistant Regional Manager... |
| 2744 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Stanley |
To the. |
| 2745 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Dwight |
Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry. |
| 2746 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
447 |
Stanley |
You're fired. Get your fingers off my phone. |
| 2747 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
448 |
Michael |
So. How did it go with Stanley? How... how'd he take it? |
| 2748 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
448 |
Dwight |
He wouldn't listen to me |
| 2749 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
448 |
Michael |
Ahh, come on. |
| 2750 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
448 |
Dwight |
If you want to fire him, you're going to have to tell him yourself. |
| 2751 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
448 |
Michael |
I don't wanna fire Stanley. I never said that. I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big, baleful, eyes staring at me. Yikes. Just, okay, just... |
| 2752 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
449 |
Dwight |
Cumberland Mills?! And how did you get my resume? Oh no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh. Okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number? |
| 2753 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
450 |
Dwight |
Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most. |
| 2754 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
451 |
Oscar |
Oh... hey. |
| 2755 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
451 |
Ryan |
Oh, your dress is stuck in the back. Kind of just... |
| 2756 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
451 |
Oscar |
Oh. |
| 2757 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
452 |
Dwight |
So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res... ? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too. And I will see you there... burning. Fine! Okay... oh wait! So you'll let me know when you've made a decis... |
| 2758 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
453 |
Pam |
Jim is really talented. And he should be the one who's getting a better job offer. Like, for real. |
| 2759 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
454 |
Pam |
Don't take this the wrong way, but... you should go for that job. |
| 2760 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
454 |
Jim |
Um... it's in Maryland. |
| 2761 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
454 |
Pam |
Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary. And it's definitely a step up. And a challenge. |
| 2762 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
454 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will. |
| 2763 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
454 |
Pam |
Jim... |
| 2764 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
This is called leveraging an offer. Michael, can I talk to you for a moment? |
| 2765 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
Oh, God. |
| 2766 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
I just thought you should know that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills. |
| 2767 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
Fantastic! |
| 2768 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
And I turned it down. |
| 2769 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
What?! That would've solved all my problems. |
| 2770 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
Out of loyalty to this company... |
| 2771 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
Oh, you idiot. |
| 2772 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
... so I was hoping to be made Assistant Regional Manager officially. |
| 2773 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
If you left, I wouldn't have to fire anybody. |
| 2774 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
But then you wouldn't have me here. |
| 2775 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
Big deal. Oh, it would've worked out so well. Can you get it back? |
| 2776 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
It's in Maryland. |
| 2777 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
You can call. Can you call 'em? |
| 2778 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Dwight |
I can't. I... I suppose I coul... no. They never really made me an offer anyway. |
| 2779 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
455 |
Michael |
Wohahah! Why are you torturing me?! God. |
| 2780 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
456 |
Jim |
Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma. |
| 2781 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
456 |
Michael |
Can I speak to you a minute? |
| 2782 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
456 |
Jim |
Um... yes. |
| 2783 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Michael, I really didn't mean to... |
| 2784 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Help. Me. |
| 2785 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
I'm sorry? |
| 2786 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I want you to role play firing me. I want you to fire me, and I will take it. |
| 2787 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Oh, you want me to be you? |
| 2788 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 2789 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 2790 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I want you to be me, and I will be Creed. |
| 2791 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Oh, are you firing Creed? |
| 2792 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
No, no, no. That's just the first thing... came... in head. |
| 2793 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
We should switch seats in order to... |
| 2794 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Yes, that's a good idea. |
| 2795 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Alright. Excuse me. I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal... |
| 2796 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Aaaahh! I'm gonna kill myself! |
| 2797 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 2798 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I'm going to kill myself, and it's your fault! |
| 2799 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
That's an overreaction. |
| 2800 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Corporate is really breathing down my neck. And they're saying this has to be done by the end of the month. |
| 2801 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you... |
| 2802 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I... this is Creed. |
| 2803 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 2804 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I'm improvising, so just try to keep up. |
| 2805 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought. |
| 2806 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
And I'm very angry, and I want... |
| 2807 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Michael Scott here. |
| 2808 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
I'm gonna kill you. I'm going to kill you for firing me. |
| 2809 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Jim |
Toby? Mm hmm. I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth... |
| 2810 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
457 |
Michael |
Get off, get off. No, no. OK.. just get off. Just, just... yeah. |
| 2811 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
458 |
Pam |
What happened? |
| 2812 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
458 |
Jim |
It wasn't me. |
| 2813 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
458 |
Pam |
Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was... |
| 2814 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
458 |
Jim |
Yeah, I know. |
| 2815 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
459 |
Michael |
Uh, hey... Creed? |
| 2816 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
459 |
Creed |
Huh? |
| 2817 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
459 |
Michael |
Could I talk to you for a second? |
| 2818 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop. |
| 2819 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
What are you telling me? |
| 2820 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
I... we're gonna have to... You... you want something better. |
| 2821 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
No, I don't. I wanna stay right here. |
| 2822 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
No, you wanna leave. |
| 2823 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
No, I wanna stay here. |
| 2824 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
Why... why are you making this so hard? |
| 2825 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael. |
| 2826 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
I think you're right. |
| 2827 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Can I go? |
| 2828 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
No, of course you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of... okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're... you're, goodbye. |
| 2829 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Let's fight it. |
| 2830 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
Hmm? |
| 2831 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days. |
| 2832 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
What old days? What are you talking about? |
| 2833 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Did you start the paperwork yet? |
| 2834 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
It's right here on the desk, yeah. |
| 2835 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
You don't have to do this, Michael. |
| 2836 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
I can't, I can't... |
| 2837 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Undo it! |
| 2838 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
I can't change anything. This is the way... |
| 2839 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
No, you have the power to undo it. |
| 2840 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
I don't... okay, just listen. |
| 2841 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Creed |
Michael, undo it! |
| 2842 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
460 |
Michael |
Don't... |
| 2843 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
461 |
Michael |
Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask? |
| 2844 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Michael |
I have to fire someone today, okay? |
| 2845 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Creed |
Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon. He's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon. |
| 2846 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Michael |
Okay, well... I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you. |
| 2847 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Creed |
No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way Michael. God Bless you. You're a fine man. |
| 2848 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Michael |
Don't... |
| 2849 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
462 |
Creed |
Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon is terrible; No one's gonna miss him. Good, good, good. |
| 2850 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
463 |
Michael |
Devon, could I talk to you for a sec? |
| 2851 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
Creed's an idiot, you know that. |
| 2852 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
Well, he... |
| 2853 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
No, no, no, no, no, no! You had it right the first time. |
| 2854 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
Well, maybe I did. |
| 2855 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
Exactly. You gotta go with your gut, man. |
| 2856 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
Huh. No! I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot. |
| 2857 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
That's why I'm being fired? |
| 2858 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
No. |
| 2859 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
So you might not look like an idiot? |
| 2860 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was the business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and... |
| 2861 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Devon |
This is unbelievable! |
| 2862 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
464 |
Michael |
I just hope that you and I can remain friends. |
| 2863 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
465 |
Michael |
Devon, wait, please. |
| 2864 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
465 |
Devon |
What! |
| 2865 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
465 |
Michael |
Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings. |
| 2866 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
465 |
Devon |
Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be at Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell! |
| 2867 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
465 |
Angela |
What about the Halloween party? |
| 2868 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
466 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I'm sorry... for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out. |
| 2869 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
466 |
Jim |
Come on. |
| 2870 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
467 |
Jim |
That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food. |
| 2871 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
468 |
Michael |
I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun. Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a... a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky, and I wore a stained dress. The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny. Oh, I wish you were here last year. |
| 2872 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Children |
Trick or treat! |
| 2873 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Michael |
He... Hey, hey, hey, hey! How you doing? Wow! You guys looks great. |
| 2874 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Kid |
I'm a bumble bee. |
| 2875 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Michael |
You look great! And you're a princess? |
| 2876 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Kid |
A fairy princess. |
| 2877 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Michael |
A fairy princess. You're very... . |
| 2878 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Kid |
I'm a lion. |
| 2879 |
2 |
5 |
Halloween |
469 |
Michael |
You're a lion. Wow, I want to hear your, your... Oh! Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours. Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these. |
| 2880 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Where is my desk? |
| 2881 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
That is weird. |
| 2882 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional. |
| 2883 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Ok, well, you're the one who lost the desk. |
| 2884 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
I didn't lose my desk. |
| 2885 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it? |
| 2886 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Okay, who moved my desk? |
| 2887 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
I think you should retrace your steps. |
| 2888 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Ok, I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished! |
| 2889 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Colder... warmer... little warmer... there you go, ooh, warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer ... cold, cold, cold, back up... ooh, ooh, warmer, hot, red hot, hot, very hot. |
| 2890 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 2891 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Hi, Dwight, um, what sort of discounts are we giving on the 20 lb white model. |
| 2892 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Jim, I've given you this information, like, twenty times. |
| 2893 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 2894 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
It's by the ream? |
| 2895 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Uh, yeah, ream. |
| 2896 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
...now, $9.78, signs and discounts 7%. |
| 2897 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Jim |
Ok, thank you, gotta get back to work. |
| 2898 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
470 |
Dwight |
Wash your hands, Kevin. |
| 2899 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Right, oh let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second... |
| 2900 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
Sensei, hello it's Sempai... |
| 2901 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Umm... |
| 2902 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
Dwight... |
| 2903 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
You know what, let me give you a call right back. I'm going to uh, find it and then I'll call you back, thanks. |
| 2904 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
Yes, I just had a ques-... Yes Sensei. Arigatou gozaimashita. Hai. |
| 2905 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Was that your mom? |
| 2906 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
No, that was my Sensei. |
| 2907 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Oh, I thought it was your mom. |
| 2908 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
I am now Sempai, which is Assistant Sensei. |
| 2909 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool. |
| 2910 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Dwight |
Assistant Sensei. |
| 2911 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
471 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 2912 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
472 |
Dwight |
I am a practitioner of Goju Ru Karate, here in Scranton. My Sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt, and gave me the duties of a Sempai. Not that a lot of people here in America know what a Sempai is, but it is equally as respected as a Sensei. |
| 2913 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
473 |
Stanley |
I don't want to stay until seven again this year. |
| 2914 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
473 |
Pam |
I don't really have any control over that Stanley. |
| 2915 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
474 |
Pam |
Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. Umm, time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. And expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once a year, it all falls on the same Friday and that's today. I call it the Perfect Storm. |
| 2916 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this mug all day. |
| 2917 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Ryan |
Did you ask me here for any specific reason? |
| 2918 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Uhh, yes, I did, here's the dizzle. I have a very top secret mission for you. I want you to update all the emergency contact information. |
| 2919 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Ryan |
Why is that secret? |
| 2920 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Hello, oh God, busy work. Ahh, get away, cretin. |
| 2921 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Pam |
Umm, I put stickers so you know where to sign. |
| 2922 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Yes, thank you. I know where to sign. |
| 2923 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Pam |
It's just last year you... |
| 2924 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Last year they were out of order, weren't they Pam? |
| 2925 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Pam |
Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at seven. So you need to have them signed by then. Or much earlier. |
| 2926 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Chillax, Pam. Stop Pam-M-S-ing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is. |
| 2927 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Ryan |
Updating emergency contacts. |
| 2928 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Pam |
Well, is that really a priority? |
| 2929 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Is it a priority? Oh I don't know, um, what if there is a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. "Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority." Think. Think with your head, Pam. Ok, well. She walks out. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you. |
| 2930 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Ryan |
Catch-22. |
| 2931 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
475 |
Michael |
Catch-22. Yes. Why don't you give me your contact information to start with, ok, what's your cell? |
| 2932 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Jim |
Uh, Larissa Halpert. |
| 2933 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Ryan |
What's her address? |
| 2934 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Jim |
117 Mount Bergin St. |
| 2935 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Ryan |
Hello? |
| 2936 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Michael |
Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland. |
| 2937 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Ryan |
Do you mean Neverland? |
| 2938 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Michael |
This is Tito. |
| 2939 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 2940 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
476 |
Michael |
Calling from... |
| 2941 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Pam |
You're major and minor lines cross at a ridge - that sucks. |
| 2942 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Jim |
You making this up as you go along, aren't you? |
| 2943 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Pam |
I am just following the website. |
| 2944 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Jim |
Well, at least I don't have cavities. |
| 2945 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Pam |
Yes, you have very nice teeth. |
| 2946 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
477 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 2947 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
478 |
Ryan |
Who is your emergency contact? |
| 2948 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
478 |
Kevin |
Stacy. |
| 2949 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
478 |
Michael |
Pick up. |
| 2950 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
478 |
Ryan |
Hello? |
| 2951 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
478 |
Michael |
This is Mike Tyson. |
| 2952 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. As Sempai, do you think there is ever going to be a day where humans and robots can peacefully co-exist? |
| 2953 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
Impossible. The way they're programmed... You're mocking me. |
| 2954 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
No I'm not. |
| 2955 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
Look, I'm going to offer you a little piece of advice. I'm not afraid to make an example out of you. |
| 2956 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
Oh, that's not advice. What advice sounds like is this: umm, don't ever bring your purple belt to work because someone might steal it. |
| 2957 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
Ok, give that back to me. |
| 2958 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
Ok, say please. |
| 2959 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
No. That is not a toy. |
| 2960 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
Please? |
| 2961 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
Please? |
| 2962 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Jim |
Good, and it absolutely is a toy. Arigatou. |
| 2963 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
479 |
Dwight |
Arigatou. This is not a toy. This is a message to the entire office so they can see that I am capable of physically dominating them. |
| 2964 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
480 |
Michael |
And this is more a ying-yang thing. The 'Michael' all cursive, the 'Scott' all caps. Left brain, right brain. Or, duality of man. |
| 2965 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
480 |
Pam |
Could you practice on the forms? |
| 2966 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Dwight |
No women or children, unless provoked. |
| 2967 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Jim |
Ok, Roy? |
| 2968 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Dwight |
Warehouse guy. Doesn't count. |
| 2969 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Jim |
Ok. Michael? Could you beat up Michael? |
| 2970 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, I don't think that would happen. |
| 2971 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Dwight |
Because we're friends. |
| 2972 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Michael |
Because I would kick his ass. |
| 2973 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Jim |
Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so... |
| 2974 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Michael |
So? I've beaten up black belts. |
| 2975 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Jim |
Uh, how did you know they were black belts? |
| 2976 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
481 |
Michael |
They told me. After. You see, I used to run with a very tough crowd. Street Fighter types. Real, real bad people, I'm just lucky I got out. |
| 2977 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
482 |
Ryan |
Is your wife still your contact? |
| 2978 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
482 |
Toby |
Um, ex-wife. Yeah. Um, her last name is 'Becker' now. |
| 2979 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
482 |
Ryan |
'Kay. |
| 2980 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
482 |
Toby |
You don't need to write 'ex'. |
| 2981 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Michael |
And after that, nobody ever messed with the 'Damn Rascals' ever again. |
| 2982 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Jim |
Sounds tough. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right? |
| 2983 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Michael |
You were a Jet? |
| 2984 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Angela |
Have you signed the expense reports yet? |
| 2985 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Michael |
Yes, in theory, I have. I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. Alright, I'm going to be in my office if anybody needs me. Hoo-hah. Oh, wow, sleeper hold. That's my rebuttal. Shhh. Hoo. You are the weakest link. |
| 2986 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
483 |
Dwight |
Argggg! |
| 2987 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
484 |
Michael |
I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can beat them up. |
| 2988 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Just hit me. You'll see. |
| 2989 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Jim |
I can't. I just got a manicure. |
| 2990 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Oh, queer... eye. Queer eye. That's a good show. Important show. Go ahead. Do it. |
| 2991 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Jim |
Just have Dwight punch you. |
| 2992 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Oh yeah, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass. |
| 2993 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Jim |
You know a ton of fourteen year old girls? |
| 2994 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Dwight |
What belt are they? |
| 2995 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon'... |
| 2996 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 2997 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
... he cried at the end of it. He did. |
| 2998 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Dwight |
Michael, I told you, it was because it was New Year's Eve and it began to snow at exactly midnight. |
| 2999 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Oh, Bruce Willis. Are they going to leave him on the asteroid? |
| 3000 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Dwight |
Ok, I'll punch you. |
| 3001 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Ok, here we go. Alright, come on. |
| 3002 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Dwight |
Kiyah! |
| 3003 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
485 |
Michael |
Fuuuaaaahhhhh... oohhhhh! |
| 3004 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
486 |
Dwight |
Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? No, I did not. |
| 3005 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
487 |
Jim |
Are you ok? Are you sure you are alright? |
| 3006 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
487 |
Michael |
Yeah. Thank you. |
| 3007 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
488 |
Dwight |
I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men then spent the rest of the war in an Allied Prison Camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight. |
| 3008 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Ok, he has to be stopped. Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael. |
| 3009 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
I don't know. |
| 3010 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Ok, I'll buy you a bag of chips. |
| 3011 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
French Onion? |
| 3012 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Obviously. |
| 3013 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 3014 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 3015 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
Take this pen and stab me with it. |
| 3016 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Go away. |
| 3017 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
I just have a quick question. |
| 3018 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
I haven't signed them, ok? |
| 3019 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
No, it's not that. Um, I was just wondering, since I'm probably going to have to stay late, could you ask Dwight to stay late too so he can walk me to my car? |
| 3020 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Come in. Um, Pam, I hate to break this to you but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough. |
| 3021 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
He's a purple belt. That's really high. |
| 3022 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Oh, I could beat up Dwight. That's ridiculous. I could murder him. |
| 3023 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
It's just out there, you... |
| 3024 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Oh, so that's what they are saying? |
| 3025 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 3026 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Ok, alright, where is Dwight? |
| 3027 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Uh, Kitchen. |
| 3028 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 3029 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Kelly |
Hi-yah! |
| 3030 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 3031 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Kelly |
Wow, that's actually pretty cool Dwight. |
| 3032 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
Now watch, let me take you from behind. |
| 3033 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 3034 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Watch out Kelly, he might sucker punch you. |
| 3035 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
I didn't sucker punch you, Michael. |
| 3036 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
No, Really? |
| 3037 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
In case you remember, I was defending my honor... like a samurai. |
| 3038 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, was for one punch which I absorbed. I had no idea that there would be a second punch. So, catch-22. |
| 3039 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
Ok, fine. Tit for tit. Give it your best shot. Two punches. Go! |
| 3040 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches: me punching you and you hitting the floor. |
| 3041 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
No, I would block your first punch rendering it ineffective. |
| 3042 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 3043 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 3044 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
You know what? You're just lucky that we are at work right now. |
| 3045 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Jim |
Ooh, what about, uh, Dwight's dojo? |
| 3046 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
No, they must have class. |
| 3047 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
No, it's free during the day. It's fine. |
| 3048 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Look... |
| 3049 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Dwight |
I've got the key. |
| 3050 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Toby |
Michael... |
| 3051 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
Hey, Toby. |
| 3052 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Toby |
Any word on those time cards? |
| 3053 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
489 |
Michael |
I've got an idea: why don't you leave right now. Why don't you walk away from the room, 'kay? Fine. We'll go at lunch. Pam, make an announcement. Figure out carpools. |
| 3054 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
490 |
Jim |
Um, well, we are all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. Fight... Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, I'm coming, fight... |
| 3055 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
491 |
Michael |
I recognize that. That is Japanese for California Roll. |
| 3056 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
491 |
Ira |
Uh, no, it's not. |
| 3057 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
491 |
Michael |
I think it is. A guy told me about that. |
| 3058 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
491 |
Ira |
Actually, it's a symbol for eternal discipline. |
| 3059 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
491 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 3060 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Jim |
Wow, that is really interesting. |
| 3061 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Pam |
What? |
| 3062 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Jim |
Your love line- I'm just kidding. I can't see anything. |
| 3063 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Pam |
Well, look closer. |
| 3064 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Jim |
Oh, ok. |
| 3065 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Pam |
Once point for me. |
| 3066 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Jim |
Tied up. |
| 3067 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Pam |
Oh, you're dead. |
| 3068 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Jim |
What, what are you going to do? Bring it, Beesley. Bring it. Oh yeah, good move. Not such an ultimate fighter now. |
| 3069 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
492 |
Pam |
Hey, put me down. Put me down. Oh my god, hey, put me down. Hey... |
| 3070 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Ok, gentlemen, listen up. After a clean strike to the chest, stomach, or kidneys, I will separate you and award a point. The first person to three wins. Alright? |
| 3071 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
Yes, Sensei! |
| 3072 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Alotta rules. Alotta rules. On the street we didn't have any rules. Maybe one - no kicks to the groin, home for dinner. |
| 3073 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Shi mate! |
| 3074 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
Hiii! |
| 3075 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 3076 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Alright, break. |
| 3077 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
What the hell was that? |
| 3078 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 3079 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Dwight - awarded a point. |
| 3080 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
No. |
| 3081 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
Eat it! |
| 3082 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Alright, that's the way you want it. |
| 3083 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
Two more. |
| 3084 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Play dirty, huh? Ok, game on, man. |
| 3085 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Kevin |
Sweep the leg. |
| 3086 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
I'm comin' atcha man. Ok, purple belt, ok. I got him. |
| 3087 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 3088 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
I got his pants. |
| 3089 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
It was my pants. |
| 3090 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
No points for pants. |
| 3091 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Dwight, you have... No, you have something... God, you look like such an idiot! |
| 3092 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Clean single kick, gentlemen. |
| 3093 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Go on, I dare you to kick there again. Kick there again, I dare ya. |
| 3094 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Ira |
Ok, break. Break. |
| 3095 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
No holding. |
| 3096 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
You can't see. You can't see. Good boy. Good boy. Great boy. Two points, three points, four points. I win. I win. Eight points. Nine points. |
| 3097 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
No, stop it! Come on! Michael. |
| 3098 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Michael |
Open your mouth. |
| 3099 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
493 |
Dwight |
No, Michael! |
| 3100 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
494 |
Michael |
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? "Raging Bull." Pacino. Oh, I want that footage. I want it. I need it. Ah, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work... Oh, oh check this out. Come here. There he is. Mr. Temp. Having lunch by the car. Let us play with him. This'll be hilarious. Oh, we're playing phone tag. |
| 3101 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
495 |
Ryan's Voicemail |
Seven new messages. First New Message. "Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein." Next new message. "Hi, Ryan. This is your girlfriend... and I'm mad!" |
| 3102 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Michael |
My emergency contact is Todd Packer. Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F. stands for? |
| 3103 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Ryan |
Fudge? |
| 3104 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Michael |
Yeah... uh, come in. Oh, hey Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version. Hi. How are ya? |
| 3105 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Dwight |
I need to change my emergency contact information from Michael Scott. |
| 3106 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Ryan |
Ok, to what? |
| 3107 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Dwight |
Just put "The Hospital." Contact number: just put 9-1-1. |
| 3108 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
496 |
Michael |
He is such a sore loser. You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. You know what, um, do yourself a favor and just keep me as his contact and I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man. |
| 3109 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
497 |
Kevin |
Later Jim. |
| 3110 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
497 |
Jim |
Later, Kev. Have a good weekend. |
| 3111 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
497 |
Pam |
Yeah, you too. |
| 3112 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 3113 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Ryan |
I have the emergency contacts. |
| 3114 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Michael |
Yeah, just throw them on the chair. I'll take it from here. So, whatcha up to this weekend? |
| 3115 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Ryan |
Uh, hanging out with some friends, probably. |
| 3116 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Michael |
If you're doing anything crazy, give me a shout. |
| 3117 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Ryan |
Yeah, alright, I'll um, see you Monday. |
| 3118 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
498 |
Michael |
Alright, bye. |
| 3119 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Michael |
Dwight? |
| 3120 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Angela |
Michael, did you finish yet? |
| 3121 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Michael |
This close. Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute? |
| 3122 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Dwight |
I'm busy. |
| 3123 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Michael |
Well, busier. Making the time. |
| 3124 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Stanley |
Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday. |
| 3125 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Toby |
We want to go home. |
| 3126 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Michael |
Well, you don't even have anyone to go home to, Toby. |
| 3127 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Pam |
The shipping place closes in a half hour. |
| 3128 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
499 |
Michael |
I know, but I've been carrying the load on my back all day, and if everybody would just chip in a little bit, it'd might help me out. What do you say? Let's g*ngb*ng this thing and go home. Good? Dwight. |
| 3129 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
500 |
Angela |
This is illegal. |
| 3130 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
500 |
Stanley |
I don't care. |
| 3131 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that? |
| 3132 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
Of course. |
| 3133 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
And I am happy to say that you have passed. So effective immediately I am promoting you from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 3134 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
Michael, I don't know... |
| 3135 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
I know, I know, I know, I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it. |
| 3136 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
I can handle it. I can. Wow. So I guess this will just be my office. |
| 3137 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
No, no, title change only. |
| 3138 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
I'll have Pam send out a memo. |
| 3139 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
No, no. Three month probationary period. Let's not tell anybody about this right now. |
| 3140 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
Just a formality. |
| 3141 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
Absolutely but not really. |
| 3142 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
Michael, I have so much to learn from you. |
| 3143 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
Yes you do. |
| 3144 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Sensei. |
| 3145 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
501 |
Michael |
And, ditto. |
| 3146 |
2 |
6 |
The Fight |
502 |
Michael |
I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous, but there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the dojo. |
| 3147 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
503 |
Ryan |
Hey, have they left for the big meeting yet? I've got Michael's lucky tie. |
| 3148 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
503 |
Jim |
No. They're in the conference room. |
| 3149 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
503 |
Ryan |
Good. |
| 3150 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
503 |
Pam |
Wait, are those Michael's Levis? |
| 3151 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
503 |
Ryan |
Yeah, who dry-cleans jeans? |
| 3152 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
504 |
Pam |
Michael and his jeans. He gets in them, and I'm not exactly sure what happens. But I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know that's why he started casual Fridays. |
| 3153 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
505 |
Pam |
I'll take those. Thanks. |
| 3154 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
506 |
Jan |
This is a projection of the county's needs... |
| 3155 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
506 |
Michael |
Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today. |
| 3156 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
506 |
Jan |
Thirteen schools, uh, two hospitals... |
| 3157 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
507 |
Jim |
So this possible client they're talking about, actually a big deal. It's Lackawanna County. Our whole county. And if we get this, they may not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. And years. Years. |
| 3158 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
So when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to, um- |
| 3159 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Michael |
I changed it. To Chili's. |
| 3160 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
Excuse me? |
| 3161 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Michael |
Radisson just gives out this vibe, "Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson". It's kind of snooty. So. |
| 3162 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
You had no right to do that, Michael. |
| 3163 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Michael |
Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine. |
| 3164 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
It said that. |
| 3165 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Michael |
It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor. |
| 3166 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
Alright. But you will let me run this meeting. |
| 3167 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Michael |
Uh huh, uh huh. Power trip. |
| 3168 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
508 |
Jan |
What? |
| 3169 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Oscar |
She had done a background check on me, she had it printed out. |
| 3170 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Jim |
No... |
| 3171 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Oscar |
Yeah. And she was asking me about stuff, line by line, while we were having dinner. |
| 3172 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Toby |
That is unbelievable. |
| 3173 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Pam |
What is going on? |
| 3174 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Jim |
We are doing worst first dates. |
| 3175 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Pam |
Oh my God, I win! Ok, it was a minor league hockey game. He brought his brother, and when I went to the bathroom, the game ended and they forgot about me. |
| 3176 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Oscar |
Ok, that's a joke. |
| 3177 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Pam |
No, they had to come back for me. |
| 3178 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Jim |
Wait, when was this? |
| 3179 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Pam |
Umm... it was not that long ago. |
| 3180 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
509 |
Kelly |
Wait, not Roy. Say it's not your fiance. |
| 3181 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
510 |
Jim |
I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy, but I never knew why. Interesting. |
| 3182 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Michael |
Ok, let's do this thing. Wish us luck. |
| 3183 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Dwight |
Good luck, Michael. Good luck, Jan. |
| 3184 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Jan |
Thank you. |
| 3185 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Michael |
Kiss ass. Ok, probably going to go late tonight. Burning the midnight tequila. So, I think you could all just take off now. |
| 3186 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Jan |
Michael, shouldn't take more than an hour. |
| 3187 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 3188 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Jan |
Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour? |
| 3189 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
511 |
Michael |
No, no. That would not be efficient. Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work done when I'm not here. Not more. The same amount of work is done, whether I am here or not. Hey, everybody, listen up. This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight, until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly, mwahahaha, ok? Alright, ciao. Adios! |
| 3190 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
So which way is Chili's? |
| 3191 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Michael |
Uh, I'll drive. |
| 3192 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
Oh, no, that's alright. I wanna leave straight from there. |
| 3193 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Michael |
It's just a couple blocks away, so... boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you? |
| 3194 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
I know Scranton. |
| 3195 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Michael |
At all! |
| 3196 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
Alright. |
| 3197 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Michael |
You ever been to Scranton, Jan? Dar de- |
| 3198 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
If it's a couple blocks away- |
| 3199 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Michael |
Dar de dar. |
| 3200 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
512 |
Jan |
Ok. |
| 3201 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
513 |
Michael |
Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead. |
| 3202 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Michael |
We should come up with a signal of some sort. |
| 3203 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Jan |
Why would we need a signal? |
| 3204 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Michael |
Well, in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal- |
| 3205 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Jan |
What kinda trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael? |
| 3206 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Michael |
Well, I... it could be either of us. |
| 3207 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Jan |
You're gonna let me do the talking, we agreed on that. |
| 3208 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
514 |
Michael |
Yeees. |
| 3209 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Hello? Christian? |
| 3210 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Christian |
Yes. |
| 3211 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Thought that was you. Hi. Michael Scott. This is Jan Levinson-Gould. |
| 3212 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
Just Jan Levinson. |
| 3213 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
No Gould? |
| 3214 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
No. Thank you very much for meeting with us. Have you been waiting long? |
| 3215 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Christian |
No, not long. |
| 3216 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Uh, Jan, what happened? |
| 3217 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 3218 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Is Gould dead? What uh- |
| 3219 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
Michael, we got divorced, ok? I'm so sorry. Excuse me. |
| 3220 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Wow, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about? |
| 3221 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
Michael. Uh, could we have a table for three, please? |
| 3222 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
When did this happen? |
| 3223 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
We're in a meeting. |
| 3224 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 3225 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Hostess |
This way, please. |
| 3226 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Jan |
Christian. |
| 3227 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Michael |
Alright, after you. |
| 3228 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
515 |
Christian |
Thank you. |
| 3229 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
I thought we could start by going over the needs of the county. |
| 3230 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Christian |
Right. Well, Lackawanna County has not been immune to the slow economic growth over the past five years. So for us, the name of the game is budget reduction- |
| 3231 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
Awesome blossom. |
| 3232 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
What? |
| 3233 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
I think we should share an Awesome Blossom, what do you say? They are awesome. Want to, Christian, blossom? |
| 3234 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Christian |
Sure. |
| 3235 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
Ok, it's done. Actually, Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome? Now it's done. |
| 3236 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
So- |
| 3237 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
I heard a- |
| 3238 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
If you have a- |
| 3239 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
Very very funny joke the other day. Wanna hear it? |
| 3240 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
Christian, you don't have to listen to this. |
| 3241 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Christian |
It's ok, I like jokes. |
| 3242 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 3243 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Jan |
Just the one. |
| 3244 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
516 |
Michael |
Just one joke. Ok. Well, if it's just gonna be one, I will think of a different joke. Umm... let's see... choo choo choo. |
| 3245 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
517 |
Pam |
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 3246 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
517 |
Michael |
Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me. |
| 3247 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Pam |
Ok, you want me to read 'em? |
| 3248 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 3249 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Pam |
Ok. Um, a fisherman is walking down Fifth Avenue walking an animal behind him- |
| 3250 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Michael |
No. |
| 3251 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Pam |
When- |
| 3252 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Michael |
Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one. |
| 3253 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Pam |
Ok. There's a transcript between a naval ship- |
| 3254 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Michael |
Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning? |
| 3255 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
518 |
Pam |
Sure. There's a transcript between a naval ship and a lighthouse. |
| 3256 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Jim |
Is this real? |
| 3257 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Pam |
It is a screenplay. Starring himself. |
| 3258 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Jim |
Agent Michael Scarn. |
| 3259 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Pam |
Of the FBI. |
| 3260 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Jim |
How long is this? Oh, Pam. Good work! Oop, wait, stop. Drawings. |
| 3261 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Pam |
What is that? |
| 3262 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
519 |
Jim |
Oh, those are drawings. In case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head. And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn. Now we know what he looks like. |
| 3263 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
520 |
Michael |
First guy says "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn". And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the third guy says "I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe". |
| 3264 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
520 |
Christian |
Ohhh no! Oh my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose! |
| 3265 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
520 |
Jan |
Excuse me, could I have a vodka tonic, please? |
| 3266 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Do we all have our copy of "Threat Level: Midnight", by Michael Scott? |
| 3267 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Everyone |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 3268 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Alright, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions, and Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta Jones. |
| 3269 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Phyllis |
That's the character's name? |
| 3270 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Oh yeah- |
| 3271 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Dwight |
Ok, you guys should not be doing this. |
| 3272 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Why not, Dwight? This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy. |
| 3273 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Dwight |
You took something that doesn't belong to you. |
| 3274 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Dwight- |
| 3275 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Dwight |
Brought it in here- |
| 3276 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
Do you want to play- |
| 3277 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Dwight |
Made copies of it- |
| 3278 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
521 |
Jim |
The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn? |
| 3279 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
522 |
Michael |
Yum! Yum yum yum! That's delicious! I love it! |
| 3280 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
522 |
Jan |
We would probably be upset with ourselves if we went this whole night without talking business, so, Dunder-Mifflin can provide a level of personal service to the county that the warehouse chains just can't match. |
| 3281 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
522 |
Christian |
Well, we are out to save money. |
| 3282 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
522 |
Jan |
What's the bottom line? |
| 3283 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
522 |
Michael |
Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop. |
| 3284 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
523 |
Michael |
That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault. |
| 3285 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Michael |
Did somebody say "baby back ribs"? Hmmm? Hmmmmm? |
| 3286 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Jan |
I don't think Christian has time for that. |
| 3287 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Christian |
I have time. |
| 3288 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Michael |
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back |
| 3289 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Michael, Christian |
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back- |
| 3290 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
524 |
Michael |
Chili's baby back ribs... |
| 3291 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Jim |
Inside the FBI, Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta Jones enters. |
| 3292 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Phyllis |
Sir, you have some messages. |
| 3293 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Dwight |
Not now! |
| 3294 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Phyllis |
They're important. |
| 3295 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Dwight |
Ok, what are they? |
| 3296 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Phyllis |
First message is: "I love you". That's from me. |
| 3297 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
525 |
Dwight |
Not in a thousand years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk! |
| 3298 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
526 |
Dwight |
Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma" in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good. |
| 3299 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Dwight |
If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang. |
| 3300 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Ryan |
Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight. |
| 3301 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Dwight |
Thank you for noticing. Now keep me company for one more mission. |
| 3302 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Pam |
Hey, uh, I have to work late. |
| 3303 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Roy |
You're joking right? |
| 3304 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Jim |
Michael Scarn takes out a nine-millimeter gun and shoots the- |
| 3305 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Dwight |
Pow! Pow! Pow! |
| 3306 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
527 |
Ryan |
Hahaha, Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny. Word. |
| 3307 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
528 |
Kevin |
Michael's movie? Two thumbs down. Heh. |
| 3308 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
529 |
Jim |
A man sitting several seats down, who has a gold face, turns to Michael Scarn. Uh... Ooh, Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface? |
| 3309 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
529 |
Oscar |
Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet? |
| 3310 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
529 |
Dwight |
Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage. |
| 3311 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
529 |
Ryan |
I forget it, brutha. |
| 3312 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
529 |
Dwight |
Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt? |
| 3313 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
530 |
Pam |
Here's what we think happened. Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops. |
| 3314 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
531 |
Dwight |
D-W-I-G-H-T. |
| 3315 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Dwight |
Ok, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end. |
| 3316 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Jim |
Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so- |
| 3317 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Dwight |
Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim. Ok, announcement. My uncle bought me some fireworks. Anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now. |
| 3318 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Jim |
That's actually a good idea. We'll all take a brief intermission. Hey, are you hungry? |
| 3319 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 3320 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
532 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 3321 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
So after watching my mom go through so much pain, I decided to keep that promise, that I made to her, and take care of her. |
| 3322 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh. |
| 3323 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Jan |
Oh no, Michael, Michael, please. No, really. |
| 3324 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing. |
| 3325 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
It's not fair. |
| 3326 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
She's not playing the game. |
| 3327 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Jan |
We'd been fighting for a while- |
| 3328 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
Check please. |
| 3329 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Jan |
He didn't want kids, but I knew that going into it. But he also knew that I did. I guess I thought that he would change his mind; he thought that I would change mine. |
| 3330 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
You didn't. |
| 3331 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Jan |
I was stupid. |
| 3332 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael, Christian |
No. |
| 3333 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right? |
| 3334 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
That's right. |
| 3335 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
You know? |
| 3336 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
You were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists. |
| 3337 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Michael |
It's true. |
| 3338 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
533 |
Christian |
You said "World, this is my blood! It's red, just like yours. So love me!" |
| 3339 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
534 |
Jim |
I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I'm not a complainer. |
| 3340 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
535 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 3341 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
535 |
Pam |
For the bugs. |
| 3342 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
535 |
Jim |
Nice. That's excellent, because bugs love my famous grilled cheese sandwich. |
| 3343 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
535 |
Pam |
Yes... nice! I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner. |
| 3344 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Christian |
Right down the street? |
| 3345 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Michael |
Uh huh, Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County and I do not intend on movin'. I know this place. I know how many hospitals we have, I know how many schools we have. It's home, you know? I know the challenges this county's up against. Here's the thing about those discount suppliers. They don't care. They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business, and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices. |
| 3346 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Christian |
I know. |
| 3347 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Michael |
It's bad. |
| 3348 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Christian |
It's terrible. |
| 3349 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Michael |
It, you know what, it really is. |
| 3350 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Jan |
Uh- |
| 3351 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Christian |
I don't know. I guess I could give you guys our business, but you have to meet me half way, ok, because they're expecting me to make cuts. |
| 3352 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
536 |
Michael |
Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but, uh, you think we could Jan? |
| 3353 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
537 |
Jim |
So, I guess I'll see you in ten hours. |
| 3354 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
537 |
Pam |
What are you going to do with your time off? |
| 3355 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
537 |
Jim |
Travel. I've been looking forward to it. It's gonna be... really nice. Gonna find myself. |
| 3356 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
537 |
Pam |
You have new music? |
| 3357 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
537 |
Jim |
Yeah. Definitely. |
| 3358 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Michael |
See ya. |
| 3359 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Jan |
Bye... thanks. Yes! |
| 3360 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Michael |
We did it! |
| 3361 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Jan |
We got it! |
| 3362 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Michael |
Nailed it. Nailed it! Come here. |
| 3363 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Jan |
I am really- Thrilled. Let's go. |
| 3364 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Michael |
What!? |
| 3365 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Jan |
Let's go. |
| 3366 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
538 |
Michael |
Goin'. Ok. Where we goin'? Doesn't matter. Goin' to the go go. Oh-ok. |
| 3367 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
539 |
Dwight |
Michael? Michael? Michael? His car's not in the parking lot. I should check the accident reports. Who's this? Jan? |
| 3368 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
540 |
Michael |
Morning, Pam. Hey. |
| 3369 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
541 |
Michael |
No, nothing happened. I-I swear, nothing happened. What, I'm, totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, and neither do I. No, seriously, guys, I'm not, I don't want to go into it at all. It's off limits. Fine, I took her back to her hotel and we made out for a little while. It was great. I mean she told me about her divorce, we talked for about five hours, she fell asleep on my arm. So. |
| 3370 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Michael |
Hello, Dwight. |
| 3371 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Dwight |
Did you do her? |
| 3372 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Michael |
Who. |
| 3373 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Dwight |
Jan Levinson-Gould. |
| 3374 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Michael |
Uh, no, no, no Gould. |
| 3375 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Dwight |
Did you do her? |
| 3376 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Michael |
This is none of your affair because she is your boss- |
| 3377 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Dwight |
And she is your boss. |
| 3378 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
542 |
Michael |
And she is a woman. She is a strong, soft, thoughtful, sexy woman. And you know what? I don't think that I can sit here and let you talk about her that way without me defending her honor. Jan, I defend your honor. Is that all? |
| 3379 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Jim |
Jan didn't come back for her car last night. |
| 3380 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Pam |
What!? |
| 3381 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Jim |
Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta? |
| 3382 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Pam |
Oh, I don't know... Oh my God. This is Jan's cell. |
| 3383 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Jim |
No way. |
| 3384 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
543 |
Pam |
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 3385 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
544 |
Michael |
I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question: do I do it as the man? Does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship. It's, uh, Excuse me. Hello? Hi! Just talking about you. The camera? No. Uh huh. How's traffic? I miss you. What. Ok. Well, if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake. No. Would you excuse me? No, I did not intentionally get you drunk. Um hmm. No, no. This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have. Right. No. Wha-so-I don't understand, you wanna see other people. Only other people. Wh-why, ok, I think you're still a little bit drunk Excuse me? Excuse me?! I think you're, yes, why don't you just come back here, go to the hotel, have a few drinks and-no, no. I didn't slip you something! |
| 3386 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Some might even say that we had our first date last night. |
| 3387 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
Oh, really? |
| 3388 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Really. |
| 3389 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
Why might some say that? |
| 3390 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Cause there was dinner, by candlelight. |
| 3391 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
Uh hmm. |
| 3392 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Dinner and a show, if you include Michael's movie. And there was dancing and fireworks. Pretty good date. |
| 3393 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
We didn't dance. |
| 3394 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
You're right, we didn't dance. It was more like, swaying. But still romantic. |
| 3395 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
Swaying isn't dancing. |
| 3396 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game. |
| 3397 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Pam |
I have some faxes to get out. |
| 3398 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
545 |
Jim |
Oh, come on, Pam. I- |
| 3399 |
2 |
7 |
The Client |
546 |
Jim |
Ok, we didn't dance. I was totally joking anyway. I mean, it's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiance. Right? |
| 3400 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
You should get one of these. |
| 3401 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
No. Thank you. |
| 3402 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. |
| 3403 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
Done. |
| 3404 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. Sorry. |
| 3405 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
S'ok. |
| 3406 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable s*x. |
| 3407 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
You're not having s*x. |
| 3408 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
Plus, improves your reflexes see, I would have caught that. |
| 3409 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
Ok, you know what, uh, how much is that? |
| 3410 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Dwight |
It's only twenty-five bucks. |
| 3411 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
547 |
Jim |
Wow. Um, ok. |
| 3412 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
548 |
Michael |
Pam, could I see you in my office? |
| 3413 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
549 |
Pam |
It's performance review day, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds. So, I don't really know what to expect. |
| 3414 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Michael |
Pam, you're trustworthy- |
| 3415 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 3416 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Michael |
And a woman- |
| 3417 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Pam |
Oh, no. |
| 3418 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Michael |
And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. I'll, uh, be there this afternoon for performance reviews. I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you soon." First impressions? |
| 3419 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
550 |
Pam |
Uh, just off the top... I think she'll be here this afternoon. |
| 3420 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
551 |
Michael |
My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. We just sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged good-looks, office manager. Just, uh, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't want it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual. |
| 3421 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
"I guess I missed you." I guess I missed you. So, she misses me? |
| 3422 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Pam |
She missed you. |
| 3423 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
But then she goes on to say "that will be our only topic of discussion". That doesn't mean anything, those are just words. |
| 3424 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Pam |
I have one idea of what it means. |
| 3425 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
Ok. Yeah, what, what? |
| 3426 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Pam |
Well I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this. |
| 3427 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
Ohhh, great. Well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review- |
| 3428 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Pam |
Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings... for you. |
| 3429 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that? |
| 3430 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Pam |
Um, just cause, that, you work together, and it might be awkward. |
| 3431 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
552 |
Michael |
Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that again. "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you". |
| 3432 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Oh, hey, listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review. |
| 3433 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 3434 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders. |
| 3435 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders. |
| 3436 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Oh, yes, we do. |
| 3437 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
No, we don't. |
| 3438 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him and he'll be sure to give you a raise. |
| 3439 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
Alright... well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. |
| 3440 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? |
| 3441 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
I win. |
| 3442 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday. Uh, stupid. |
| 3443 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
Wait, wait; one thing. Uh, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? |
| 3444 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Dwight |
Uh, duh. |
| 3445 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
553 |
Jim |
Duh. |
| 3446 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
554 |
Jim |
Today is Thursday. But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. |
| 3447 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Stanley |
Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. |
| 3448 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 3449 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Stanley |
Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses. |
| 3450 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Michael |
God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry. |
| 3451 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Stanley |
Oh, no, that's ok. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact. |
| 3452 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
555 |
Michael |
No kidding. |
| 3453 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
556 |
Stanley |
It's all about my bonus. |
| 3454 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
557 |
Pam |
Michael and Jan definitely made out. |
| 3455 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
557 |
Jim |
Ohh... |
| 3456 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
557 |
Pam |
Maybe more. |
| 3457 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
557 |
Jim |
Eck!... Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that goin'. |
| 3458 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
557 |
Pam |
Oh, yea! |
| 3459 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
558 |
Michael |
Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. Stanley in the house, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn. |
| 3460 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
559 |
Angela |
I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. |
| 3461 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
560 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 3462 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
560 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 3463 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
560 |
Pam |
Jan's on the phone for you. |
| 3464 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
560 |
Michael |
Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. |
| 3465 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. Yeah? |
| 3466 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 3467 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Jan! To what do I owe this pleasure? |
| 3468 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
I am returning your many calls. |
| 3469 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Well, hello to you, too. Um, yeah, I was just um, I just wanted to get some closure on uh, what transpired between us at the meeting we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. |
| 3470 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
No. No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. |
| 3471 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our meeting in the parking lot of Chili's. |
| 3472 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
Uh, your review is anything but a formality, Michael. |
| 3473 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 3474 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior. |
| 3475 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Been thinking about you. |
| 3476 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
Ok, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior. |
| 3477 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Just- |
| 3478 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 3479 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 3480 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
Are the cameras with you... |
| 3481 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
No. |
| 3482 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Jan |
...in your office? |
| 3483 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
561 |
Michael |
They are not. Yes, they are. That's my girlfriend. |
| 3484 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
562 |
Kevin |
I heard they made out and had s*x. |
| 3485 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
562 |
Oscar |
No, they just made out. That's it. |
| 3486 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
562 |
Angela |
Don't talk about it. Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved. |
| 3487 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
562 |
Kevin |
Romances? |
| 3488 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas down? In a folder? A "Michael-idea" folder? |
| 3489 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 3490 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
That's unfortunate. How 'bout the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there. |
| 3491 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Pam |
What suggestion box? |
| 3492 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
The suggestion box that I put out, and people could be put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe there's prizes? |
| 3493 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah. Uh, I think I remember that from back from when I first started. |
| 3494 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs... never mind, I'll tell them. Hello, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, please. Jan Levinson's coming, very soon, and so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, so you can all get your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p. |
| 3495 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Ryan |
Don't you mean constructive criticism? |
| 3496 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
What did I say? |
| 3497 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Kelly |
You said "constructive complements"; that doesn't make any sense. |
| 3498 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
563 |
Michael |
Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'K? |
| 3499 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
564 |
Jim |
Hey, Dan, this is Jim, and it is about 11:15, and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the fifteenth, and that is a... |
| 3500 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
564 |
Dwight |
Saturday. |
| 3501 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
564 |
Jim |
...Saturday, so just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, Saturday, for lunch. Ok, talk to you soon. |
| 3502 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Jan |
We'll address this in the meeting then. Ok. Ok, bye-bye. Could you please tell Michael that I'm here? |
| 3503 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 3504 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Michael |
Hi, Jan. How are you? |
| 3505 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Jan |
I'm good; how are you? |
| 3506 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Michael |
Good to see you. |
| 3507 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Jan |
Nice to see you. |
| 3508 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Michael |
Ok. Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here. |
| 3509 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Jan |
Can we please go in your office? |
| 3510 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Michael |
Yep, right after you. Apres-vous. No calls. |
| 3511 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
565 |
Kevin |
Oooo. |
| 3512 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Alright . |
| 3513 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
Thank you. |
| 3514 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
It's nice to see you. |
| 3515 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
Nice to see you too, Michael. |
| 3516 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 3517 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
Not like that. |
| 3518 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Oh, well. |
| 3519 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
You know Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder-Mifflin business. |
| 3520 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 3521 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
Period. |
| 3522 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 3523 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Jan |
Do we understand each other. |
| 3524 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
566 |
Michael |
Absolutely. |
| 3525 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
567 |
Michael |
I'm a little confused. 'Cause first it's all like kissy-kissy. And then it's like all regret. Because "Oh, I regret that." But, "Wait, I'm still gonna call you." But, but, "We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business. |
| 3526 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Jan |
So are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then? |
| 3527 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Michael |
No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I do say thank ya ma'am. But, I'm, I'm not like wham-bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham-bam. If it's consensual. We're talking about office stuff. Can I ask you a question? |
| 3528 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Jan |
No. |
| 3529 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Michael |
This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise. |
| 3530 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Jan |
Fine. |
| 3531 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Michael |
Are you wearing a new perfume today? |
| 3532 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Jan |
How is that a business question? |
| 3533 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Michael |
Well, you're wearing it at the office. And it, I'm sorry, but no offense, but it's really sexy. |
| 3534 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
568 |
Jan |
Please don't smell me, Michael. |
| 3535 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Pam |
Hey, Jim. |
| 3536 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Jim |
Hey, how's it goin'? |
| 3537 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Pam |
Oh my God, did you see "The Apprentice" last night? |
| 3538 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Jim |
Course, it's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? |
| 3539 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Pam |
Can you believe who Trump fired? |
| 3540 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Jim |
No, that was unbelievable. |
| 3541 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Dwight |
Who? Who was it? Who did he fire? |
| 3542 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Pam |
You didn't see it? |
| 3543 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
569 |
Dwight |
No, I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night; what the hell was I thinking? |
| 3544 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Michael |
I don't understand- Hold on. Sorry. Yes, Pam. |
| 3545 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Pam |
Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. |
| 3546 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Michael |
I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt. |
| 3547 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Pam |
You told me to buzz you about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here. |
| 3548 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Michael |
I did not, not, not use those words. |
| 3549 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Jan |
Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting is it happening right now? |
| 3550 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Michael |
No, it's in like ten minutes. |
| 3551 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Pam |
Everyone's waiting in the conference room. |
| 3552 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
570 |
Jan |
Great. Very good. |
| 3553 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. Now, I know a lot of don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number one: "What should we do to prepare for Y2K?" |
| 3554 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
What should we do to prepare for Y2K? |
| 3555 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Kelly |
I thought you read these every week. |
| 3556 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. That happens occasionally. |
| 3557 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
It happens occasionally. |
| 3558 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
And, um, one down. Next suggestion: "we need better outreach for employees fighting depression". Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression. |
| 3559 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Jan |
That sounds serious, Michael. |
| 3560 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it? |
| 3561 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
Tom? |
| 3562 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom. |
| 3563 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Phyllis |
Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. Tom? Pow. |
| 3564 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next suggestion. |
| 3565 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
Next suggestion. |
| 3566 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Arrr, dooby dooby do. "You need to do something about your B.O." |
| 3567 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
You need to do something about your B.O. |
| 3568 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal suggestion and it's not an office suggestion. Far be it for me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody. |
| 3569 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Toby |
Aren't the suggestions meant for you? |
| 3570 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Well, Toby, if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor choice of words. |
| 3571 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Creed |
Uh, Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. |
| 3572 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank. Not that I would ever say something like that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think it's something that we should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, let's continue. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. "You need to do something about your coffee breath"- |
| 3573 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
You need- |
| 3574 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 3575 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
To do something about- |
| 3576 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box. |
| 3577 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Angela |
Sometimes you talk to us real close. |
| 3578 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Yeah, is that hard for you? Alright, well- |
| 3579 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Angela |
Well, when you have coffee breath- |
| 3580 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
I'll work on that- |
| 3581 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Angela |
It's hard. |
| 3582 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Let's keep going. Keep it going. Yep. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a, a garbage can, this is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow. |
| 3583 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? |
| 3584 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion. |
| 3585 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
Next suggestion. |
| 3586 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Michael |
"Don't sl-", ok, that's blank Don't, just put it- |
| 3587 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
571 |
Dwight |
"Don't sleep with your boss"? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan? |
| 3588 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Jan |
I can't, I can't- |
| 3589 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Michael |
I don't understand why you're so upset. |
| 3590 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Jan |
Please sit down. |
| 3591 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Michael |
Let me ask you- |
| 3592 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Jan |
You're gonna sit here and I'm gonna go sit over there. |
| 3593 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Michael |
Ok, let me ask you this. |
| 3594 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Jan |
Please, sit yourself down. |
| 3595 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Michael |
Let me ask you something. |
| 3596 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Jan |
What, Michael. |
| 3597 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
572 |
Michael |
Where did you get your outfit? |
| 3598 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
573 |
Dwight |
You are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yes! Yes! Hiya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? Why? Because... I'm awesome! I am awesome! |
| 3599 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened. |
| 3600 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same |
| 3601 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Look- |
| 3602 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
Michael? |
| 3603 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Oh my God... |
| 3604 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out? |
| 3605 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
No, Dwight; come in. |
| 3606 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
Great. |
| 3607 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
What do you want Dwight? |
| 3608 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
I am ready for my performance review. |
| 3609 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye. |
| 3610 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael? |
| 3611 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave. |
| 3612 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise? |
| 3613 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Why on earth would we give you a raise? |
| 3614 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word: dedication. I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays. |
| 3615 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
You do? How do you get in? |
| 3616 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
I have a copy of your key. |
| 3617 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
That's a serious offense! |
| 3618 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart. |
| 3619 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
Oh! Michael, for God sakes! |
| 3620 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace. |
| 3621 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that? |
| 3622 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office. |
| 3623 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
That was deer!? Gross, oh! |
| 3624 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
You liked it! |
| 3625 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Oh, did not! |
| 3626 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
Jan, have you ever had deer? |
| 3627 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
No. |
| 3628 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Dwight |
It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise. |
| 3629 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
What do you say, Jan? |
| 3630 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, and I will return in about ten minutes. |
| 3631 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Michael |
Ok. You just, uh, clear your head. |
| 3632 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
574 |
Jan |
Thank you, Dwight. |
| 3633 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
575 |
Jan |
Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss it with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. Do you have a light? |
| 3634 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
576 |
Dwight |
And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said "Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of". |
| 3635 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
576 |
Michael |
That's from Superman? |
| 3636 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
576 |
Dwight |
Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise. |
| 3637 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Pam |
Do you think Michael and Jan actually... |
| 3638 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Jim |
I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam. |
| 3639 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Pam |
How do you come back from that? |
| 3640 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Jim |
Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together. |
| 3641 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Pam |
No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that? |
| 3642 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Jim |
Oh- |
| 3643 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Pam |
As a human being. |
| 3644 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
577 |
Jim |
Yeah, no, I don't think you can. |
| 3645 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
I'm heading back to New York; Alan and I will conduct your performance review over the phone tomorrow. |
| 3646 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Wait. |
| 3647 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
'K? |
| 3648 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why? |
| 3649 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
Michael, now is not the time or the place. |
| 3650 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place? |
| 3651 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
No, I am saying we are never having this conversation. |
| 3652 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance? |
| 3653 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
Never, for me, always means 'never ever ever.' |
| 3654 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio? |
| 3655 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
Michael, it has nothing- |
| 3656 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Am I too short? |
| 3657 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and, and I don't agree about the b.o., but you are very, very inconsiderate. |
| 3658 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 3659 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
Really. You're, you're, you're a great guy, ok? |
| 3660 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
I appreciate that, thank you. |
| 3661 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
And you were very sweet, and you stayed up with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that- |
| 3662 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
No, I wasn't, I didn't cry- |
| 3663 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
At this time in my life. I just am not in the place right now where I'm looking for a relationship, so we can still work together, we can still be friends but... ok? |
| 3664 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Michael |
So my looks have nothing to do with it? |
| 3665 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
578 |
Jan |
Ohhh, God. |
| 3666 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
579 |
Michael |
Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now. |
| 3667 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
580 |
Michael |
Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight? |
| 3668 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
580 |
Jim |
Ummm... no idea. |
| 3669 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
580 |
Michael |
Never missed a day, my ass. |
| 3670 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
580 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 3671 |
2 |
8 |
Performance Review |
581 |
Dwight |
I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok! |
| 3672 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
582 |
Michael |
It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Oh my God. Ohhh. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here. |
| 3673 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
582 |
Jim |
Are we in danger? |
| 3674 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
582 |
Michael |
There's no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody. |
| 3675 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
582 |
Kevin |
Michael, should I call the... What? |
| 3676 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
583 |
Michael |
The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start. |
| 3677 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Michael |
Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected... |
| 3678 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Sadiq (IT guy) |
That just means you have to enter your password. |
| 3679 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 3680 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Sadiq (IT guy) |
What's your password, Michael? |
| 3681 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Michael |
Oh, umm... |
| 3682 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Sadiq (IT guy) |
Oh, it's 1-2-3. |
| 3683 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
584 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 3684 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Mi- |
| 3685 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
AH! Guh-oood. |
| 3686 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Sorry. |
| 3687 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
Please don't do that. |
| 3688 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Ok, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing? |
| 3689 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
I can't tell you. |
| 3690 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
You have to tell me. |
| 3691 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
I don't have to tell you anything. |
| 3692 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Look, Michael, I know you don't want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over. |
| 3693 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this. Brrr! That's strong! |
| 3694 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm- |
| 3695 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
I'm not going get a brain- |
| 3696 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Or get hit by a car- |
| 3697 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
Stop it. |
| 3698 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Dwight |
Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke. |
| 3699 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
585 |
Michael |
Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go... away? |
| 3700 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
586 |
Michael |
There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it--- And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails. |
| 3701 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
587 |
Michael |
So how do you search? |
| 3702 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
587 |
Sadiq (IT guy) |
By keyword phrase. |
| 3703 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
587 |
Michael |
Try "profits". No! Try "Michael Scott". "Michael" "boss" and "funny". Oh my God, wow! E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy. "Sorry I didn't write back sooner; I can't go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers. |
| 3704 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Oscar |
Hey, what's the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers? |
| 3705 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
Oh, no, everybody; Oscar's gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot? I will destroy everything in my path- |
| 3706 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Oscar |
Actually, it's just- |
| 3707 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
Beep! Bop! |
| 3708 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Oscar |
Ok... |
| 3709 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk. Oil can. Oil can. |
| 3710 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Oscar |
Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying you're doing e-mail surveillance. |
| 3711 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose. |
| 3712 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Dwight |
So it's true? You have access to our e-mails? |
| 3713 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
You know what the problem is? |
| 3714 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Stanley |
I think I do. |
| 3715 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
588 |
Michael |
The problem is that when people hear the term "big brother", they immediately think it's scary or bad, but I don't. I think, wow, I love my big brother. |
| 3716 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
589 |
Kevin |
I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff. |
| 3717 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Dwight |
Oh hey, just so ya know, if you have a lot of sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately. |
| 3718 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Angela |
I know. |
| 3719 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 3720 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Pam |
Hey. Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to deleted all of her sensitive e-mails immediately. |
| 3721 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Jim |
What? |
| 3722 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Pam |
I know! |
| 3723 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Jim |
Hmm... |
| 3724 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Pam |
Do you think that they're like- |
| 3725 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Jim |
No. |
| 3726 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Pam |
No, right, no, no. |
| 3727 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
590 |
Pam |
Uhhh, ew, ew, ew... .Maybe? |
| 3728 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
591 |
Pam |
It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's gonna be really gross but I have to look and make sure that it's really dead. Sooo... If you guys see anything... ? |
| 3729 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
592 |
Pam |
Hey, Dwight, um, my friend is kinda into these two girls that he works with. |
| 3730 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
592 |
Dwight |
Nice. |
| 3731 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
592 |
Pam |
One is tall and brunette, and the other one is short, and blonde, and perky, and kinda judgmental. Who do you think he should choose? |
| 3732 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
592 |
Dwight |
Does he have access to their medical records? |
| 3733 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
592 |
Pam |
Ummmm... |
| 3734 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
593 |
Dwight |
I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory. |
| 3735 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
594 |
Michael |
Meredith has an E-vite from Jim. Barbeque at Jim's tonight. Tonight? Wonder where my e-vitation is. Click on guest list. Angela, Stanley, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed. Must be... . No. |
| 3736 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Pam |
Hey, Angela- |
| 3737 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Angela |
Hi. |
| 3738 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Pam |
How's it going? |
| 3739 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Angela |
It's ok. |
| 3740 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Pam |
Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim's party tonight? |
| 3741 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Angela |
No. Are we supposed to? |
| 3742 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Pam |
No. I mean, I don't know, I don't think so. |
| 3743 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Angela |
Hmm... Excuse me. |
| 3744 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
595 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 3745 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
596 |
Michael |
There's always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly, it's the awareness that they are not me. I do think that I am very approachable, as one of the guys. But maybe I need to be even approachabler. |
| 3746 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Kevin |
That's pretty young. |
| 3747 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 3748 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Kevin |
Are you gonna eat with us? |
| 3749 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Michael |
Of course. Hangin' with my crew, crew that I am one of. Hangin' with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup. |
| 3750 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Jim |
Uh hum. |
| 3751 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Michael |
Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmmm... You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. Everybody'd go. The athletes, the, the nerds, professors. |
| 3752 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Pam |
The professors would go to the parties? |
| 3753 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
597 |
Michael |
Yeah! They were the most fun. We always invited them. |
| 3754 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
598 |
Jim |
It's true. I'm having a party. I've got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it's nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn't be able to relax, and you know, have fun, and my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm making Dwight up. He is very real. |
| 3755 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
599 |
Pam |
What? Ohhhh... Yes! Thank you! |
| 3756 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Question: on the Internet there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight- |
| 3757 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Oh, uh, no. Could- |
| 3758 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
I was wondering- |
| 3759 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Could, keep that down. |
| 3760 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Why? |
| 3761 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Because not everybody knows about the party. |
| 3762 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Like who? Who doesn't know? |
| 3763 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Umm, Michael. |
| 3764 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Why just Michael? |
| 3765 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Because it's a surprise. |
| 3766 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Is it? |
| 3767 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Uh hmm. |
| 3768 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's perfect! |
| 3769 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
So, don't tell. |
| 3770 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Dwight |
I won't. |
| 3771 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
600 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 3772 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael. |
| 3773 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Pam |
Really? That's great. |
| 3774 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 3775 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Pam |
Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere. |
| 3776 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Oh man. Oh, you know what, speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, you know, numbers for food and stuff. So do you think that Roy's gonna come, or... |
| 3777 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Pam |
Oh, no, he can't make it. |
| 3778 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Oh, ok, cool. |
| 3779 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
Hey there. |
| 3780 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 3781 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
Almost quittin' time. |
| 3782 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Yup, it's, uh, four o'clock. |
| 3783 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
One more hour. Take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don't know if you have any plans tonight, but if ya don't, we could hang out. |
| 3784 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Oh, um... .I can't. |
| 3785 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
You have plans. |
| 3786 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Uh hmm, definitely. |
| 3787 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
I do, too. I do, too. |
| 3788 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
You do? |
| 3789 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
I do, yeah. Big plans. |
| 3790 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Because you said "do you wanna hang out"- |
| 3791 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
Tonight, I can't do it tonight, no. Improv class, I have improv class, hanging out with my improv buds- |
| 3792 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 3793 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 3794 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Aw, that sounds like a lot of fun. |
| 3795 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
It's the best. It's the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go. |
| 3796 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Improv sounds great. |
| 3797 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
It is. Ok. |
| 3798 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 3799 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Michael |
What? |
| 3800 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
601 |
Jim |
I think Stanley just coughed. |
| 3801 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk to your vehicular transport? |
| 3802 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Pam |
No thanks. |
| 3803 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Alright. Oscar, got big plans tonight with- |
| 3804 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Oscar |
I'm on a call. |
| 3805 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Kevin, big man, big man, what are you doing tonight? Where are you off to? |
| 3806 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Kevin |
My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien- |
| 3807 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Ok, alright. |
| 3808 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Kevin |
Oh. |
| 3809 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Hey, Angela, rushy, rushy. Where you rushin' off to? |
| 3810 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Angela |
I'm just leaving for the day. |
| 3811 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Yeah, well duh. Where ya headed? |
| 3812 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Angela |
Charity. Bake drive. |
| 3813 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Liar! |
| 3814 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Angela |
No! |
| 3815 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
You are a liar. |
| 3816 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Angela |
No, I'm not. |
| 3817 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
Dwight, oh ho, Dwight, Dwight, my loyal compadre. You and I are hangin' tonight. The two of us. We are celebrating our freedom and our manhood. You know what? Why don't we watch that show that you've been wanting to watch, that stupid Battleship Galaxy. |
| 3818 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
Battlestar Galatica. |
| 3819 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
That's, whatever stupid show you want- |
| 3820 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
I can't- |
| 3821 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
To watch tonight |
| 3822 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
Tonight. |
| 3823 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
We're watching it. |
| 3824 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
Unfortunately, I've got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice. |
| 3825 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
I didn't know you played soccer, Dwight. |
| 3826 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
Clarinet. |
| 3827 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Michael |
You, too, Dwight? |
| 3828 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
602 |
Dwight |
Have fun tonight! Whatever it is that you're doing, and I'll see you Monday. He has no idea! |
| 3829 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Quick announcement everybody, if I could have everybody's attention. We do have wine in the kitchen, and, uh, there is beer available on the porch and despite what you might think, it's not all for Meredith and Kelly, so please enjoy. |
| 3830 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Dwight |
Jim! You really think this is a good idea, huh? A hide-a-key rock? |
| 3831 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Mark |
Hey, you must be Dwight! |
| 3832 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Dwight |
You don't work with us. |
| 3833 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
That's because Mark's my roommate. |
| 3834 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Mark |
Hey, I love the Birkenstocks. |
| 3835 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Dwight |
Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car, for special occasions. Jim, come here. |
| 3836 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Uh hmm. |
| 3837 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Dwight |
When is the guest of honor coming? |
| 3838 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Oh, uh, later-ish. |
| 3839 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Dwight |
He's gonna love it! |
| 3840 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Great. Just wanna let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised- |
| 3841 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 3842 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Hey! Just in time! You wanna go on the group tour? We were just about to leave. |
| 3843 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Pam |
Definitely. |
| 3844 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Well, the group tour is now leaving, then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we are gonna be pointing out to you today, you will be able to see both bedrooms and, uh, if we're lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom, who knows. I have to remind you that flash photography is prohibited and as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to. |
| 3845 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Ryan |
Hey, is Katy coming? |
| 3846 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
Uh, actually, I haven't talked to her in a while. |
| 3847 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Ryan |
Huh, is it ok if I call her? |
| 3848 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
603 |
Jim |
We can talk about that later. |
| 3849 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
604 |
Improv Teacher |
Ok, let's get right into it. I need two people for the first scene. |
| 3850 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
604 |
Michael |
Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo, Mr. Cart-air, Mr. Cart-air. |
| 3851 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
604 |
Improv Teacher |
Ok, Michael. And... anybody? How about Mary-Beth? Come on. Ok, so you start us off Mary-Beth. |
| 3852 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
604 |
Mary-Beth |
Great. La la la la la laaa... |
| 3853 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
604 |
Michael |
Boom! Detective Michael Scarn. I'm with the FBI. |
| 3854 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
605 |
Michael |
Think about this; what is the most exciting thing that can happen, on TV, or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it, you just can't. |
| 3855 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Girl acting Pregnant |
I'm supposed to meet my doctor here? Have ya seen him? He's a very angry midget. |
| 3856 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Boom! Freeze! Michael Scoon, FBI. You know what you did. Boom! Boom! Boom! Yeah, you thought that you could get away with your little ruse, didn't you? Didn't ya!? Well, you didn't, because I know where ya hid the diamonds. I been on to you and your little friends for weeks. Boom! Boom! Boom! |
| 3857 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Actor |
I'm not even in the scene! |
| 3858 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Actress |
Again!? |
| 3859 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Boom! Boom! |
| 3860 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
Stop, stop, ok, stop. |
| 3861 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Boom! Boom! |
| 3862 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
You shot me, great. Now stop. |
| 3863 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Why |
| 3864 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
You can't just shoot everyone in the scene. |
| 3865 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Well, if you hadn't stopped the scene, you would have seen where it was going. |
| 3866 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
Ok, what about the scene they set up? |
| 3867 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Boring. |
| 3868 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
No, it wasn't. No more guns. |
| 3869 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
I could of- |
| 3870 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
No. No. Michael, I want you to give me all the guns you have. |
| 3871 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 3872 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
Just, I want you to get rid of all your guns and give them to me. Great. |
| 3873 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Michael |
Yehhhehh. |
| 3874 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
606 |
Improv Teacher |
Yeeehh, ok. |
| 3875 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Jim's bedroom. |
| 3876 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour. It's- |
| 3877 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Cool... This is your desk. |
| 3878 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
This is my desk. |
| 3879 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Your home office? |
| 3880 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
My home office, this is it. |
| 3881 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Down. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect. |
| 3882 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
Ok, sure. Will do. |
| 3883 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Ok, wait, so that would make me like right here. |
| 3884 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
Yeah, that... Yep, that feels about right. |
| 3885 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
And Dwight would be like- |
| 3886 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
You know what? Let's just leave that image out of it, because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts. |
| 3887 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Umm, yearbook! |
| 3888 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
Yeah, you don't have to, ummm. Alright, yes, that's not gonna be awkward at all. |
| 3889 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
Ooooohhh no! |
| 3890 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. |
| 3891 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Pam |
You were so dorky! |
| 3892 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
607 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 3893 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Improv Teacher |
Freeze! |
| 3894 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Michael |
I'm in. |
| 3895 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Improv Teacher |
You wanna go over the rules one more time? |
| 3896 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Michael |
No, no, no. I'm looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune. |
| 3897 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Bill |
I promise it's worthit . Ooo, I can see you walking out of here and you're thrilled with your reading. |
| 3898 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Michael |
What are you... |
| 3899 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Improv Teacher |
Michael, what did you tell him? |
| 3900 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Michael |
Nothing. |
| 3901 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Improv Teacher |
Then why are his hands up? Bill? |
| 3902 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Bill |
He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun. |
| 3903 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Improv Teacher |
Ok, let's call it a day. Nice job, Bill. |
| 3904 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
608 |
Michael |
Good, it's good. Good work, everybody. |
| 3905 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Jim |
Angela, burger? Dog? Havin' fun? |
| 3906 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Angela |
I got sap on me. |
| 3907 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Jim |
Chicken, hot dog, burger. |
| 3908 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Angela |
I'm a vegetarian. |
| 3909 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Jim |
There is soda inside. |
| 3910 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
609 |
Angela |
Guh. |
| 3911 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
610 |
Stanley |
I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did. |
| 3912 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
610 |
Oscar |
Yeah, it surprised us all. I'll tell you why. Because when they--- |
| 3913 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
610 |
Kelly |
I'm sorry guys; can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about. |
| 3914 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Angela |
I think it's alright. Jesus drank wine. |
| 3915 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Pam |
Hey Phyllis, come here for a second. |
| 3916 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Phyllis |
Sure. |
| 3917 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Pam |
Have you heard anything about any secret office romances? |
| 3918 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Phyllis |
You tell me. Well, you do mean you and Jim right? Oh God. I am so sorry, I thought, you guys hang out all the time and you're talking all the time. I'm sorry! |
| 3919 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
611 |
Pam |
That's ok. It's ok. |
| 3920 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
612 |
Kevin |
Not so fast... Fire Guy. |
| 3921 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Mary-Beth |
How do I get to Bernie's Tavern from here? |
| 3922 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Bill |
Oh, don't worry. We're all gonna carpool. |
| 3923 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Michael |
So Bernie's, huh? We're all going to Bernie's? Go to Bernie's? |
| 3924 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Bill |
Oh sorry, we're not going as a group, it's just a private friend who just happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing. |
| 3925 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Michael |
Right, right, right. Well guys, I'd love to go to Bernie's with you, but, you know, I have an office party. A big office party I need to go to, so... Can't get out of it. |
| 3926 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Bill |
Ok. |
| 3927 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
613 |
Michael |
Ok, see you later. Nice job, Bill. Not. |
| 3928 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
614 |
Phyllis |
Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known... |
| 3929 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
614 |
Jim |
Oh by the way how's your side project going? |
| 3930 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
614 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah I gave that up. |
| 3931 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
614 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 3932 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
614 |
Pam |
Yeah, it turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws. |
| 3933 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
615 |
Pam |
Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together, you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair to think that there was anything else going on. |
| 3934 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
616 |
Kevin |
Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore. |
| 3935 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
616 |
Dwight |
Surprise! Everybody! |
| 3936 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
616 |
Phyllis |
Dwight... |
| 3937 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
616 |
Michael |
Wow! Who opened the morgue for this thing? I'm just driving by, thought I'd drop in. There's some wine. I would love a glass, if you're gonna open it. Here ya go Temp, take my jacket! Oh, come on! That guy? He is a good guy, not a terrorist. Karaoke, I love it! I am a karaoke fiend. I call dibs. I got next, I got next up. Come on, let's get this party started, ha! Ok? Where's that wine? |
| 3938 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
617 |
Michael |
Ok, yeah, this is a duet, so, need somebody else, Pam? You wanna come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please. Baby when I met you there was peace unknown. Kelly? Tried to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was something goin' on. This part goes to the, uh, girl. You do something to me that I can't explain. Hold me closer and I feel no pain. In every beat of my heart, we got something goin' on. Tender love is blind--- |
| 3939 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
617 |
Michael, Jim |
It requires a dedication, all this love we feel needs no conversation. Divided, together, uh huh. Making love with each other, uh huh. |
| 3940 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
617 |
Michael |
We're making love! |
| 3941 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
617 |
Michael, Jim |
Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong? Sail away with me... |
| 3942 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
618 |
Michael |
Talk! Just talk! |
| 3943 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
618 |
Mary-Beth |
I am- |
| 3944 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
618 |
Michael |
Shut up! |
| 3945 |
2 |
9 |
E-Mail Surveillance |
619 |
Michael |
Funny story: the way that I got into improv was, I got into improv. The story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street, and a race car pulls up, and the guy says "Hey you're funny, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen, or my name is not Dale Earnhardt." And that was an improv. Um, the real way is that I found a flyer. |
| 3946 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
Go. Get the door. |
| 3947 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
Here we are. |
| 3948 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
Go. Push! |
| 3949 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
Oh god. |
| 3950 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
Push! |
| 3951 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
No, no, turn it around. |
| 3952 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
Really shove it. |
| 3953 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
You'll break it. |
| 3954 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
Shove it through! Break it! |
| 3955 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
You shove it. Shove it back! Here we go. Don't break the branches, Dwight. |
| 3956 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 3957 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
I got a splinter. |
| 3958 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
Well, suck it up. We all have problems. Hey, everybody, look what we have! Nice, huh? |
| 3959 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
I've got it leveraged. Push. Straight up. |
| 3960 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
On three. Ready? Big, one, two, three. |
| 3961 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Dwight |
One, two, three. |
| 3962 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
620 |
Michael |
Merry Christmas! |
| 3963 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
621 |
Michael |
Did it work? |
| 3964 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
621 |
Kevin |
Well, sort of. Why did you get it so big? |
| 3965 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
621 |
Michael |
A, that's what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year. |
| 3966 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
621 |
Kevin |
But what are we going to do with this hacked off part? |
| 3967 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
621 |
Michael |
Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about. |
| 3968 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
622 |
Jim |
So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa. And I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also going to stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else .. ooh. This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel. |
| 3969 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
623 |
Angela |
Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights? |
| 3970 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
623 |
Phyllis |
Yes, I got those cute little ones. Do you think I should have gotten the big ones? |
| 3971 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
623 |
Angela |
We'll see. |
| 3972 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
624 |
Ryan |
Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive. |
| 3973 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
625 |
Michael |
Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. I'm kidding. What do we got, what do we got? How many plates are we getting? |
| 3974 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
625 |
Angela |
Fifty. |
| 3975 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
625 |
Michael |
Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me. |
| 3976 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
626 |
Michael |
It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus. 3,000 G's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that. |
| 3977 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
627 |
Michael |
I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive. |
| 3978 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
627 |
Pam |
You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party. |
| 3979 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
627 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody. |
| 3980 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
628 |
Kevin, Oscar |
One, two, three. |
| 3981 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
628 |
Dwight |
You guys should use a hand truck. |
| 3982 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
628 |
Kevin |
Do we have one? |
| 3983 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
628 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 3984 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
629 |
Angela |
Will you help me? |
| 3985 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
No! No way! It... no. |
| 3986 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Darryl |
Come on, Mike, let me borrow the hat for just a couple of hours. |
| 3987 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
You wanna be Santa? |
| 3988 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 3989 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
Have you ever seen Santa? |
| 3990 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I've seen Santa. |
| 3991 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 3992 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Darryl |
Who cares? |
| 3993 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work. |
| 3994 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Dwight |
Michael, I would like to be the elf. |
| 3995 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
630 |
Michael |
That makes sense because he has elfish features. |
| 3996 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
631 |
Dwight |
Okay, everybody listen up! It is time to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree like so. If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions except Michael. |
| 3997 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
632 |
Toby |
I got Angela. She is into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that. |
| 3998 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
633 |
Oscar |
I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I .. I got him this shamrock keychain. |
| 3999 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
634 |
Kevin |
I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't . |
| 4000 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
You get something good this year? |
| 4001 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Jim |
I think I did a pretty good job. |
| 4002 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
Yeah? Who did you have? |
| 4003 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Jim |
Well, I can't tell you cause it's a secret. |
| 4004 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
I think I got something pretty nice for my guy. |
| 4005 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 4006 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
I spent a lot of dough. Lot of dough. Wow. |
| 4007 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Jim |
Well, there's a $20 limit, right? So .. ? |
| 4008 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
Yeah. I wanted this party to be really special so I sorta went above and beyond. |
| 4009 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Jim |
That's great. Well don't tell me who it is, cause I can .. |
| 4010 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
635 |
Michael |
It was Ryan. Yeah. I have Ryan. |
| 4011 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Dwight |
Gather round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Stanley, no, I'm going to handle the cord. Okay, safety reasons. |
| 4012 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Stanley |
I know how to plug something in. |
| 4013 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Dwight |
I want to do it. |
| 4014 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Michael |
All right, let's count it down, like Rockefeller Center. Ready? |
| 4015 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
All |
Three, two, one. |
| 4016 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Michael |
Not great. |
| 4017 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Phyllis |
I'm sorry, everybody. |
| 4018 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Pam |
I think the tree looks nice. |
| 4019 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Dwight |
Hey, I could get some flares from my car. |
| 4020 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
636 |
Michael |
No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa. |
| 4021 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
637 |
Michael |
Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth." |
| 4022 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Dwight |
First present, Oscar. |
| 4023 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Oscar |
Shower radio. Neat. |
| 4024 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Kelly |
Oh, good, that was from me. |
| 4025 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Oscar |
Thanks, Kelly. You know I was gonna get one of .. |
| 4026 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Dwight |
Okay. Okay. That's enough. Let's keep it moving on. Jim. |
| 4027 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Jim |
Oh, cool. |
| 4028 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Creed |
That's from me. |
| 4029 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Jim |
Great. Where did you get it? |
| 4030 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
638 |
Creed |
I don't know. It was so long ago. |
| 4031 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
639 |
Jim |
He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went in his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag. |
| 4032 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
640 |
Creed |
Yep. That's exactly what happened. |
| 4033 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Dwight |
Pam. |
| 4034 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Pam |
Oh, my god! Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are. It's awesome. |
| 4035 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Jim |
There's a little more to it. |
| 4036 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Dwight |
All right, next. Ryan. |
| 4037 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
No, don't! |
| 4038 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Ryan |
Whoa, a video iPod. |
| 4039 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. That was me, I got a little carried away. |
| 4040 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Ryan |
Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks. |
| 4041 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
You don't know that. |
| 4042 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Ryan |
Yeah, you left the price tag on. |
| 4043 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
I did? |
| 4044 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 4045 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
What? Oh, shoot. Wow. Okay, well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right? |
| 4046 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 4047 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
Oh hey, for me. What is in here? Oh, come on. |
| 4048 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Phyllis |
I knitted it for you. |
| 4049 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
641 |
Michael |
An oven mitt? Okay. |
| 4050 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
642 |
Michael |
So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod. |
| 4051 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Kevin |
Should we just keep opening up the presents? |
| 4052 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Dwight |
We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions. |
| 4053 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Michael |
I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap. |
| 4054 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Jim |
What is Yankee Swap? |
| 4055 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Michael |
One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal somebody else's gift or choose a new gift. |
| 4056 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Jim |
I thought that was called Nasty Christmas. |
| 4057 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Pam |
Yeah, we call it White Elephant. |
| 4058 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Michael |
Well, I call it fun! |
| 4059 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Oscar |
Why are we doing this? |
| 4060 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Michael |
Because it's better. Because it's more special. |
| 4061 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Angela |
It sounds mean. |
| 4062 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
643 |
Michael |
Shut it. No, it's not. Okay, just give it a shot. |
| 4063 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
644 |
Angela |
Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere. |
| 4064 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Michael |
Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else's gift that they've already gotten, like the oven mitt. |
| 4065 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Meredith |
I'll take the teapot. |
| 4066 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Jim |
Oh, shouldn't we ... I bought that specifically for Pam. |
| 4067 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Michael |
Yankee Swap! That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now. |
| 4068 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Pam |
I'll take the iPod. |
| 4069 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Ryan |
And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice? |
| 4070 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Dwight |
Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift. |
| 4071 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Stanley |
That was meant for Kelly. |
| 4072 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Ryan |
Yeah, I figured. |
| 4073 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
645 |
Michael |
I think this is going great. |
| 4074 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Kelly |
Yikes. |
| 4075 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Toby |
Well, it's for Angela, so .. |
| 4076 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Kelly |
That's like, the creepiest thing that I've ever seen. |
| 4077 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Dwight |
Angela, you're up. |
| 4078 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Angela |
I'll take the poster. Some people like these. |
| 4079 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
646 |
Kelly |
I will steal the iPod. |
| 4080 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
647 |
Michael |
Everyone wants the iPod. It's a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle. |
| 4081 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Michael |
Oh, well, Oscar, you little gourmand, you have the next turn. |
| 4082 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Oscar |
I'll take the ... teapot. |
| 4083 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Meredith |
Damn it. |
| 4084 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Dwight |
Okay, moving along. Meredith, let's go. |
| 4085 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Meredith |
I really want the iPod. |
| 4086 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Dwight |
It's already been stolen this round. Pick something else. |
| 4087 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Michael |
I hope nobody takes this baby, cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful. |
| 4088 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Meredith |
I'll take the oven mitt. |
| 4089 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
648 |
Michael |
Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology. |
| 4090 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
649 |
Michael |
Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm. |
| 4091 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
650 |
Michael |
"In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute." |
| 4092 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
650 |
Dwight |
You and me, Michael. Yes! |
| 4093 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
650 |
Michael |
Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod? |
| 4094 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
650 |
Dwight |
I never said it was better than an iPod. |
| 4095 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
651 |
Dwight |
Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand. |
| 4096 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
652 |
Dwight |
Take that, Saddam! |
| 4097 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
653 |
Michael |
Last gift. Kevin. |
| 4098 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
653 |
Kevin |
I want the foot bath. |
| 4099 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
654 |
Kevin |
That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, shoot. |
| 4100 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Dwight |
Pam, steal something or pick the final gift. |
| 4101 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Pam |
I want the iPod. |
| 4102 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Kelly |
Damn it. |
| 4103 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Jim |
Sure you don't want the teapot? |
| 4104 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Pam |
Well, I mean, it's an iPod. But .. |
| 4105 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 4106 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Pam |
Sorry, I .. |
| 4107 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Jim |
No. No. Definitely. It's .. |
| 4108 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Kelly |
Okay, well, I guess I will take that book of short stories. |
| 4109 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Dwight |
Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias. |
| 4110 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
655 |
Jim |
Got to be kidding me. |
| 4111 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
656 |
Dwight |
Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets ... Christmas. |
| 4112 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Michael |
What is she so upset about? |
| 4113 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Pam |
Maybe because you hated her present so much. |
| 4114 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Michael |
Come on! I think that Yankee Swap was a big hit! I think it's a success and I'm the one who ended up with Dwight's stupid paintball pellets. |
| 4115 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Jim |
Yeah, but, Michael, the point is that we all bought gifts for specific people. |
| 4116 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Stanley |
And you should have just bought a $20 gift like everyone else. |
| 4117 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Michael |
Well, I didn't. I got a big bonus because I fired Devon, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me! |
| 4118 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Oscar |
You got a bonus check? |
| 4119 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Pam |
How much? |
| 4120 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Michael |
It wasn't. It wasn't that much. It was $3,000. |
| 4121 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
657 |
Stanley |
All right, I'm done now. |
| 4122 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
658 |
Michael |
Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame. |
| 4123 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
659 |
Liquor Store Clerk |
It comes to $166.41. |
| 4124 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
659 |
Michael |
All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered? |
| 4125 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
659 |
Liquor Store Clerk |
Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it. |
| 4126 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
659 |
Michael |
Cool, cool. Box it up. |
| 4127 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Jim |
I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it? |
| 4128 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Dwight |
No trades. |
| 4129 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Jim |
Come on, it's a shamrock keychain. Good luck. |
| 4130 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Jim |
Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you? |
| 4131 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Dwight |
No. I want it. I'm going to use it. |
| 4132 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Jim |
You don't even drink tea. |
| 4133 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Dwight |
True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems .. |
| 4134 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
JIm |
Okay .. |
| 4135 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
660 |
Dwight |
.. and pouring it directly into your nose, like so. |
| 4136 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
661 |
Jim |
To think that my gift for Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle. |
| 4137 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
662 |
Roy |
This is awesome. |
| 4138 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
662 |
Pam |
I know. It's totally going to change the way I work out. |
| 4139 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
662 |
Roy |
Yeah, I was gonna get you one of these for Christmas, and now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money. |
| 4140 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
662 |
Pam |
So what are you going to get me instead? |
| 4141 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
662 |
Roy |
I don't know. Probably like, a sweater or something. |
| 4142 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Michael |
Uh-oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty. |
| 4143 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Angela |
What is that? |
| 4144 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Michael |
This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze. |
| 4145 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Meredith |
We can drink? |
| 4146 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Toby |
We're really not supposed to serve alcohol. |
| 4147 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Michael |
Zip it, Toby! Just .. I mean, it's a party. Come on. If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I am a terrible boss. Who wants a drink? |
| 4148 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Meredith |
Me. Please. |
| 4149 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
663 |
Michael |
Go, here we go! |
| 4150 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
664 |
Meredith |
The deal is that this is my last hurrah, cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore. During the week. |
| 4151 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Phyllis |
Hi guys. |
| 4152 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 4153 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Phyllis |
Does everybody know my boyfriend, Bob Vance? |
| 4154 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Kevin |
Kevin Malone. |
| 4155 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Bob Vance |
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. |
| 4156 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Stanley |
Stanley Hudson. |
| 4157 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Bob Vance |
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. |
| 4158 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Ryan |
Ryan Howard. |
| 4159 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Bob Vance |
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. |
| 4160 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
665 |
Ryan |
What line of work you in, Bob? |
| 4161 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Roy |
I think after I lost Culpepper and T.O it was over, man. |
| 4162 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Darryl |
Oh, yeah, I need McMahon, Deion Branch to have big games or else I'm done. |
| 4163 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Roy |
It's possible. I can't believe you traded Shaun Alexander, man. |
| 4164 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Darryl |
I had to. I needed defense. |
| 4165 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Roy |
Come on! Shaun Alexander? He's the best back in the league. |
| 4166 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Darryl |
It's defense. |
| 4167 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Roy |
Oh, no. That is not worth it. |
| 4168 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Darryl |
It is worth it. |
| 4169 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Roy |
Never. |
| 4170 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
666 |
Darryl |
Are you kidding? You wait. |
| 4171 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
667 |
Michael |
Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time. Oh, hey, Ebenezer, boink. Okay, how's it going in here? |
| 4172 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
667 |
Ryan |
We're running low on cups. Do you want me to just run out and get some? |
| 4173 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
667 |
Angela |
There should be some .. |
| 4174 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
667 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. We'll find some, don't leave the party. |
| 4175 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Phyllis, Meredith, Michael, Kevin |
One, two, three. |
| 4176 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Michael |
Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee. |
| 4177 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Ryan |
Oh, no. |
| 4178 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 4179 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Ryan |
I really did not do anything. |
| 4180 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
668 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no. No false modesty, my friend. |
| 4181 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Jim |
You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know. |
| 4182 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Pam |
No, I was just checking out my present. |
| 4183 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Jim |
But .. |
| 4184 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Pam |
I traded with Dwight. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so .. |
| 4185 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Jim |
Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside. |
| 4186 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
669 |
Pam |
Oh my god! The yearbook picture! |
| 4187 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
670 |
Pam |
Yeah, I think I made the right choice. |
| 4188 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
671 |
Pam |
Oh, my God! It's incredible. Is this the Boggle timer? |
| 4189 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
671 |
Jim |
I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't. |
| 4190 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Dwight |
This is so awesome. |
| 4191 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Michael |
Not bad. And if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to. |
| 4192 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 4193 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 4194 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Todd Packer |
Merry Christmas, asswipe! |
| 4195 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Michael |
No way. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen! |
| 4196 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Todd Packer |
What's up my nerds. Check it out. |
| 4197 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no. Oh look at that. Icing on the cake. |
| 4198 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Todd Packer |
Pacman need a drinky. |
| 4199 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
672 |
Michael |
Oh, let's fix you up. Who wants to fix up .. Toby. Toby's gonna fix you up. |
| 4200 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
673 |
Kevin |
Yeahhh. |
| 4201 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
674 |
Michael |
Darryl. There you go. You earned it. |
| 4202 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
674 |
Darryl |
That's okay, Mike. |
| 4203 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
674 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. I really, really want you to have it. |
| 4204 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
674 |
Darryl |
All right. Thanks, man. |
| 4205 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
674 |
Michael |
Hey, Merry Christmas. |
| 4206 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
675 |
Ryan |
Whose butt is that? |
| 4207 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
675 |
Kevin |
Mine. |
| 4208 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
675 |
Ryan |
Oh, how did I not guess that? |
| 4209 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
676 |
Michael |
Lampshade on head! It's happening! |
| 4210 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
677 |
Creed |
Oh, no. |
| 4211 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
678 |
Kelly |
Hey. |
| 4212 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
678 |
Dwight |
Oh, hello there. But what are you doing? |
| 4213 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
678 |
Kelly |
I don't know. |
| 4214 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
678 |
Dwight |
You shouldn't do things like that. The man is supposed to do that. |
| 4215 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Kevin |
Thanks for the party, Michael. |
| 4216 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Meredith |
Yeah. |
| 4217 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Bob Vance |
Oh, hey. Listen up. We're going to Poor Richard's. Who's in? |
| 4218 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Oscar |
I'm in. |
| 4219 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 4220 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Oscar |
Michael? Poor Richard's? |
| 4221 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
679 |
Michael |
Yeah, that sounds good. |
| 4222 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
680 |
Michael |
Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time. |
| 4223 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
681 |
Michael |
Hey, Meredith. Heading over to Poor Richard's? |
| 4224 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
681 |
Meredith |
Yep. |
| 4225 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
681 |
Michael |
Cool, cool, cool. Do you need a ride? All right, let's head out. Sounds good. Do you have a coat? |
| 4226 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
681 |
Meredith |
Yeah. |
| 4227 |
2 |
10 |
Christmas Party |
681 |
Michael |
Okay! |
| 4228 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 4229 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Hello. Jim? |
| 4230 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
What's up, buddy? |
| 4231 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here? |
| 4232 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
Wow, that's weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good. |
| 4233 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy. |
| 4234 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
Who, Steve? |
| 4235 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is. |
| 4236 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Pam |
Sorry. What do I want? What do I want... Oh, it's a pencil cup. |
| 4237 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup. |
| 4238 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Pam |
Um, I don't think so, I just bought it. |
| 4239 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me. |
| 4240 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Pam |
I love these. |
| 4241 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Okay, fine. Where's my wallet? |
| 4242 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
Oh, there it is. J1. |
| 4243 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
But I don't have any... |
| 4244 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Jim |
Here, you know what? You can have some nickels. |
| 4245 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
682 |
Dwight |
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five... |
| 4246 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
683 |
Michael |
Hello, everyone. |
| 4247 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
683 |
Dwight |
Good morning, Michael. |
| 4248 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
683 |
Phyllis |
Where are we going this afternoon? |
| 4249 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
683 |
Michael |
Ah! Ha ha ha! |
| 4250 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
684 |
Pam |
Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo. |
| 4251 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
684 |
Jim |
"It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask." |
| 4252 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
684 |
Pam |
A ski mask and a swimsuit. |
| 4253 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
684 |
Jim |
So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers. |
| 4254 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
684 |
Pam |
And brush our teeth. |
| 4255 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 4256 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
Michael. |
| 4257 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Stanley! Bo banley. |
| 4258 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
I need to know... |
| 4259 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Banana fana fo fanley. |
| 4260 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
What we're doing. |
| 4261 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Be my mo manley. |
| 4262 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
You said bring a toothbrush. |
| 4263 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Stanley. |
| 4264 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
Is this an overnight? |
| 4265 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it? |
| 4266 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow? |
| 4267 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Maybe, I don't know. |
| 4268 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
Not maybe. Yes or no. |
| 4269 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack. |
| 4270 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Stanley |
In January? |
| 4271 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
685 |
Michael |
It's cheaper. |
| 4272 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
686 |
Michael |
This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience. |
| 4273 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise! |
| 4274 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Meredith |
All right! |
| 4275 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Ryan |
I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that? |
| 4276 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan. |
| 4277 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Ryan |
I'm already in business school. |
| 4278 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
Well, this... |
| 4279 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Kelly |
Wait, Michael? |
| 4280 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 4281 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Kelly |
Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit? |
| 4282 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
To throw you off the scent. |
| 4283 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit. |
| 4284 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it. |
| 4285 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Kelly |
I took the tags off already. |
| 4286 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
687 |
Michael |
Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, "Who is this smart little cookie?" Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say. |
| 4287 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
688 |
Michael |
I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course. |
| 4288 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
689 |
Michael |
Leader... ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership," as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork! |
| 4289 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
690 |
Oscar |
Last year, Michael's theme was "Bowl over the Competition!" So guess where we went. |
| 4290 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Michael |
Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone? |
| 4291 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Darryl |
How about the sales department is the sails? |
| 4292 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Michael |
Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace. |
| 4293 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Phyllis |
A furnace? |
| 4294 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Jim |
Yeesh, how old is this ship? |
| 4295 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Pam |
How about the anchor? |
| 4296 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Phyllis |
What does the furnace do? |
| 4297 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Michael |
All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands! |
| 4298 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Jim |
I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right? |
| 4299 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Michael |
Titanic? |
| 4300 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Pam |
I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October. |
| 4301 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
691 |
Michael |
No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on! |
| 4302 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
692 |
Jim |
Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck. |
| 4303 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
693 |
Phyllis |
Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned. |
| 4304 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
693 |
Michael |
No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse. |
| 4305 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
693 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 4306 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
693 |
Michael |
The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship. |
| 4307 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
693 |
Dwight |
Aye aye, Captain. |
| 4308 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
694 |
Michael |
A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour. |
| 4309 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Michael |
Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan. |
| 4310 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Dwight |
Cool. |
| 4311 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Captain Jack |
Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan. |
| 4312 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Michael |
I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party. |
| 4313 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Captain Jack |
I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. Hi, welcome aboard. |
| 4314 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
695 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 4315 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
696 |
Michael |
In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose. |
| 4316 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
697 |
Michael |
Hey, look! I'm king of the world! |
| 4317 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack. |
| 4318 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome! |
| 4319 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Okay! So... |
| 4320 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
Okay! So... |
| 4321 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Please. The life preservers. |
| 4322 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 4323 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat. |
| 4324 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight. |
| 4325 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it's very easy. Anywhere over the side. Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We're gonna get it going in just a few minutes here... |
| 4326 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna... |
| 4327 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Okay, Michael, if you don't mind... |
| 4328 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
Rock it! |
| 4329 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Please, okay? |
| 4330 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
If the boat's a-rockin', don't come knockin'! |
| 4331 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Michael. |
| 4332 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 4333 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Your company's employees are not the only people on the boat tonight, okay? |
| 4334 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
We're all gonna have a good time tonight! |
| 4335 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Captain Jack |
Why don't you let me and my crew do our job. You just sit back and have a good time. All right? |
| 4336 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
698 |
Michael |
Hm? Okay. Yep. |
| 4337 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Katy |
You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table. Right? |
| 4338 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Roy |
Yeah. |
| 4339 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Katy |
Pam, were you a cheerleader? |
| 4340 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Roy |
No, she was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything! |
| 4341 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Katy |
That's hilarious. |
| 4342 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Jim |
It's not hilarious, but... |
| 4343 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Roy |
Where did you go to school? |
| 4344 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Katy |
Bishop O'Hara. |
| 4345 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Roy |
Piss slop who cares-a? We played you! You... you really look familiar. Did you... you cheered for them, didn't you? |
| 4346 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Jim |
Um, no. |
| 4347 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Katy |
Yes, I did! A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Awesome! Awesome is what we are! We're the football superstars! A-W-E-S-O-M-E! |
| 4348 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
699 |
Roy |
I remember that! We crushed you like 42-10! |
| 4349 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Michael |
Having fun? |
| 4350 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Brenda |
Yeah. Everybody's really nice. |
| 4351 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Michael |
Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers. |
| 4352 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Brenda |
When are you going to start the presentation? |
| 4353 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Michael |
Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so... right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support. |
| 4354 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Captain Jack |
Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo! |
| 4355 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Michael |
So, okay. |
| 4356 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Dwight |
Limbo, whoo! |
| 4357 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Captain Jack |
All right! I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. Who's it gonna be? |
| 4358 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Meredith |
Me. |
| 4359 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Captain Jack |
Okay... |
| 4360 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Dwight |
Me! Me, me, me. |
| 4361 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Captain Jack |
Uh... usually it's a woman. |
| 4362 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Dwight |
I'm stronger. |
| 4363 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
700 |
Captain Jack |
Hey, I got an idea! How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight? |
| 4364 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
701 |
Captain Jack |
Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you! |
| 4365 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
702 |
Dwight |
I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats. |
| 4366 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
703 |
Captain Jack |
All right, all right, that was great! Now it's time for the dance contest! |
| 4367 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
703 |
Michael |
But before that, I have to do my presentation. |
| 4368 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
703 |
Captain Jack |
Nope! Dance contest! |
| 4369 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
703 |
Michael |
All right, we'll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate! |
| 4370 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
704 |
Michael |
Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing. |
| 4371 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
705 |
Dwight |
What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning? |
| 4372 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
705 |
Angela |
Hey, come inside and talk to me. |
| 4373 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
705 |
Dwight |
I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?! |
| 4374 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Darryl, Katy |
Snorkel shot! Snorkel shot! |
| 4375 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Roy |
Whoo! Who's next? Come on, Pam! Come on! Come on! |
| 4376 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Pam |
No, I'm not going to do that. |
| 4377 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Roy |
Come on! |
| 4378 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Darryl |
That's what I'm talking about! |
| 4379 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Pam |
Hey, why don't we find like a quieter place to hang out? |
| 4380 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
706 |
Roy |
I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on! Darryl! Darryl! |
| 4381 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Pam |
It's getting kind of rowdy down there. |
| 4382 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Jim |
Yeah. Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! |
| 4383 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Pam |
Sometimes I just don't get Roy. |
| 4384 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Jim |
Well... |
| 4385 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Pam |
I mean, I don't know. So... what's it like dating a cheerleader? |
| 4386 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Jim |
Oh, um... |
| 4387 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
707 |
Pam |
I'm cold. |
| 4388 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Captain Jack |
So, what's this presentation all about? |
| 4389 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Michael |
Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save? |
| 4390 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Captain Jack |
Women and children. |
| 4391 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Michael |
No, no. Salesmen and profit centers. |
| 4392 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Captain Jack |
That's a stupid analogy. |
| 4393 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Michael |
Okay, well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership. |
| 4394 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Captain Jack |
Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm. |
| 4395 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Dwight |
Wow. You should be the motivational speaker. |
| 4396 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 4397 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
708 |
Dwight |
Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour. |
| 4398 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
709 |
Katy |
I'd like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off? |
| 4399 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
709 |
Pam |
Uh, I've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight. So... you don't wanna ask my advice. |
| 4400 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Captain Jack |
Suppose your office building's on fire. Jim, who would you save? |
| 4401 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Jim |
Um... let's see, uh... The customer. Because the customer is king. |
| 4402 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Michael |
Not what I was looking for, but a good thought. |
| 4403 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Captain Jack |
He's just sucking up! |
| 4404 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Roy |
When you were in the Navy, did you ever almost die? |
| 4405 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
710 |
Captain Jack |
Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I wasn't thinking about some customer. I was thinking about my first wife. The day I got back on shore, I married her. |
| 4406 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
711 |
Jim |
You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up. |
| 4407 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
712 |
Roy |
Hello, everybody, could I have your attention for just a second? Could you listen to me for a second? We were up at the front, and we were talking about what's really important, and... Pam, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let's do it! Come on, Pam! |
| 4408 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Michael |
I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you? |
| 4409 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Roy |
No, it was Captain Jack. |
| 4410 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Michael |
Well... could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great! |
| 4411 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Captain Jack |
We gotta celebrate! Hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now, as captain of the ship! |
| 4412 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Michael |
Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin! |
| 4413 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Pam |
No, no, I want my mom and dad to be there. |
| 4414 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Michael |
Then I'll give you away! |
| 4415 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
713 |
Pam |
No, thank you. |
| 4416 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
714 |
Katy |
Do you think that'll ever be us? |
| 4417 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
714 |
Jim |
No. |
| 4418 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
714 |
Katy |
What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight? |
| 4419 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
714 |
Jim |
I don't know. Let's break up. |
| 4420 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
714 |
Katy |
Whoa. What? |
| 4421 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
715 |
Captain Jack |
This is where Captain Jack drives the boat. |
| 4422 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
715 |
Meredith |
Wow! |
| 4423 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Dwight |
Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon. |
| 4424 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Michael |
Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication. |
| 4425 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Brenda |
Really? What? |
| 4426 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Michael |
Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It's time to be boss. It's time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary... it's a... |
| 4427 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Captain Jack |
Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here? |
| 4428 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
716 |
Michael |
It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about. |
| 4429 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
717 |
Michael |
I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet. |
| 4430 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Is somebody there? |
| 4431 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
What happened to you? |
| 4432 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Captain Jack has a problem with authority. |
| 4433 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking? |
| 4434 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic. |
| 4435 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
What a night. |
| 4436 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged. |
| 4437 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
She was always engaged. |
| 4438 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Roy said the first one didn't count. |
| 4439 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
That's... great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so... |
| 4440 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan... |
| 4441 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
Yeah, I know. |
| 4442 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute. |
| 4443 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm. And she's just... well, anyway. |
| 4444 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Well, if you like her so much, don't give up. |
| 4445 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
She's engaged. |
| 4446 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
BFD. Engaged ain't married. |
| 4447 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Jim |
Huh. |
| 4448 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
718 |
Michael |
Never, ever, ever give up. |
| 4449 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
719 |
Dwight |
Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore. |
| 4450 |
2 |
11 |
Booze Cruise |
719 |
Michael |
It's a fake wheel, dummy. |
| 4451 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
720 |
Oscar |
...Lord of the Rings trilogy, if you see it back to back, it's really long. But it's good. |
| 4452 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
720 |
Jim |
Yeah, that's right. |
| 4453 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 4454 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
Pam! It's Michael. Help me! I need help right now. |
| 4455 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Michael, what's wrong? |
| 4456 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh my God! |
| 4457 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Ok, wait wait wait wait... |
| 4458 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
Ungh, this is not looking good Pam! |
| 4459 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?! |
| 4460 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
No, I want you to pick me up. |
| 4461 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
What? |
| 4462 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Ok... |
| 4463 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
What's going on? |
| 4464 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Pam |
Wait a second, I thought you said that you were hurt. |
| 4465 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
I am hurt. I hurt my foot. |
| 4466 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
I'm sorry? Pam. |
| 4467 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
What is going on? |
| 4468 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
I want to come to work. But I need you to come and pick me up. |
| 4469 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
OH GOD! |
| 4470 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
Hey, whoa, Michael... |
| 4471 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
Oh God! |
| 4472 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Jim |
It's, okay, it's Jim. Just say again, uh, really loudly what happened. |
| 4473 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
721 |
Michael |
OK, buhhhh, I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman Grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work. |
| 4474 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
722 |
Michael |
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot... that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that. |
| 4475 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
Pam, could you come get me?! |
| 4476 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone. |
| 4477 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
Ok, could someone come and get me please, Ryan? |
| 4478 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you should stay home and rest. |
| 4479 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
There's no toilet paper here. Could Ryan... tell Ryan to bring toilet paper. Could you tell 'em that? |
| 4480 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Kevin |
Can you hop? |
| 4481 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance. |
| 4482 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
No one wants to pick me up!? |
| 4483 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Dwight |
What is going on? What is going on? |
| 4484 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Michael, is, um, sick and he wants one of us to rescue him. |
| 4485 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
I'm not sick! I'm burned! |
| 4486 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Dwight |
I'm coming Michael! |
| 4487 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
Oh... |
| 4488 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna save you! |
| 4489 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
Don't... is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight. |
| 4490 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Dwight |
Hold on Michael! I am coming! Wait there! |
| 4491 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
I don't want Dwight! |
| 4492 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend? |
| 4493 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
I don't have a girlfriend. |
| 4494 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
But you said that you went out with her this weekend. |
| 4495 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
It was all made up. Just someone come, ok? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight. |
| 4496 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
What was that... |
| 4497 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
What was that?! |
| 4498 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
Oh! |
| 4499 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Ohhhhhh! |
| 4500 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
He hit the pole! |
| 4501 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
It's broken right, he can't... |
| 4502 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh. |
| 4503 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
Oh Dwight, Dwight, Ohhhhhh! |
| 4504 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim, Pam |
Oh my God! |
| 4505 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Pam |
Is he ok? |
| 4506 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Jim |
He's still driving... Dwight, you forgot your bumper! |
| 4507 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
723 |
Michael |
Hellooo? ... Please don't send Dwight! |
| 4508 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
724 |
Michael |
Morning everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover, God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through. |
| 4509 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
724 |
Pam |
You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate. |
| 4510 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
724 |
Michael |
Did you explain why? |
| 4511 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
724 |
Pam |
No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot. |
| 4512 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
724 |
Michael |
Burned my foot, Pam. |
| 4513 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
725 |
Michael |
Please stop popping my cast. Thank you. |
| 4514 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
725 |
Jim |
So, where are you shipping your foot? |
| 4515 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
725 |
Michael |
Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping... |
| 4516 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
725 |
Dwight |
Your foot? |
| 4517 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
Thank you. Pam, messages please? |
| 4518 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Pam |
You didn't have any. |
| 4519 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
Really, well, it, uh, seemed very important to you earlier that you needed to stay and... |
| 4520 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Pam |
And do my job? |
| 4521 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
No, your job is being my friend, Pam. OW! God! |
| 4522 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Dwight |
It slipped. |
| 4523 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
What? |
| 4524 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Dwight |
Sorry. |
| 4525 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Pam |
It's just that before, you said that you didn't want any special treatment. |
| 4526 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask. |
| 4527 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Pam |
Do you want some aspirin, because you seem a little fussy. |
| 4528 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
No, I don't want some aspirin, yeah I'm a little fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot. |
| 4529 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Dwight |
Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to. |
| 4530 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
What? Part of your duties are to what? |
| 4531 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 4532 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
You just said "part of your duties are to" something. |
| 4533 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Dwight |
No, I didn't. |
| 4534 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
726 |
Michael |
Yes, you did. What is wrong with you? |
| 4535 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
Where is my cornbread? |
| 4536 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Ryan |
Here you go. |
| 4537 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
Thank you. Did you get all dark meat like I like? |
| 4538 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Ryan |
Yes. I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat. |
| 4539 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
Where are the yams? |
| 4540 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Ryan |
They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach. |
| 4541 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
Did you go to the one in Stroudsburg? |
| 4542 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Ryan |
Yes. |
| 4543 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
And they had no yams? |
| 4544 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Ryan |
They had no yams. |
| 4545 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
727 |
Michael |
How strange. Because they always have yams. |
| 4546 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Dwight |
Aw, man, is that a Prism Duro-Sport? |
| 4547 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Pam |
You've seen one of these? |
| 4548 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Dwight |
Yeah, they're like an i-Pod only they're better 'cause they're chunkier and more solid. |
| 4549 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Pam |
Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it. |
| 4550 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Dwight |
Oh, no no no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece. |
| 4551 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 4552 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. ... Kidding! |
| 4553 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Pam |
Oh! Ha, haha. |
| 4554 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Dwight |
Why would they all be...? Ok, see you later, Pan. |
| 4555 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
728 |
Pam |
Pan? |
| 4556 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Michael |
Pam... PAAAM!? |
| 4557 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Pam |
Oh, God. |
| 4558 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Pam |
What. |
| 4559 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Michael |
Come here please. |
| 4560 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Pam |
Tell me before I come there. |
| 4561 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Michael |
I want you to rub butter on my foot. |
| 4562 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Pam |
No. |
| 4563 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Michael |
Pam, please? I have Country Crock. |
| 4564 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Pam |
No. |
| 4565 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
729 |
Michael |
Uh, ow. Ryan! ... Ryaaaaan ... RYYYYAN! |
| 4566 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Dwight |
These covers are totally indestructible. |
| 4567 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 4568 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it. |
| 4569 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Dwight |
Oh no, it's broken. |
| 4570 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Pam |
What?! |
| 4571 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Dwight |
No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long. |
| 4572 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Pam |
That is so cool. Thanks Dwight! |
| 4573 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
730 |
Dwight |
Yep. |
| 4574 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
731 |
Jim |
So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now. |
| 4575 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
732 |
Pam |
Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend! |
| 4576 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
733 |
Michael |
No, nope, no one is helping me out at all Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry... drive down here and make a big thing... Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you? |
| 4577 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
734 |
Dwight |
Huh. Do you like candy? |
| 4578 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
734 |
Angela |
It's alright. |
| 4579 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
734 |
Dwight |
Cause you're sweeter than candy. |
| 4580 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
734 |
Angela |
What is wrong with you? |
| 4581 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
734 |
Angela |
Hey! |
| 4582 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
Wow, you just dive right into it. |
| 4583 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Ryan |
You know, around age twelve, I just started goin' for it. |
| 4584 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
No! Guh! OW! Awww, help, help me! |
| 4585 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
What, what happened? |
| 4586 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall. |
| 4587 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
What do you need? |
| 4588 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
Ugh, not you. Someone else. Get Pam. |
| 4589 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room. |
| 4590 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel. |
| 4591 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
Ryan, is, uh, dead. |
| 4592 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
No, he's not. |
| 4593 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
Dead. |
| 4594 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
I just saw him. |
| 4595 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Toby |
No. Can't, can't you just get up yourself? I... You only grilled your foot. |
| 4596 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
735 |
Michael |
Ugh, forget it. I'll just get up myself. No! Uh, aaaahhh! Ah! Oh God! |
| 4597 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Jim |
Do you think Dwight's bein' a little weird today? |
| 4598 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Pam |
No, he's actually been really nice and helpful. |
| 4599 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Jim |
And that isn't weird? |
| 4600 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Pam |
Wow... |
| 4601 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Michael |
Can I have everyone's attention please? Phyllis, Oscar, Ryan, who's supposed to be dead, can I ask you all a question? Do you all know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar? |
| 4602 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Phyllis |
Um, I had scoliosis as a girl. |
| 4603 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Creed |
When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung. |
| 4604 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Michael |
Wuh, how, how old are you? Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles. |
| 4605 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Stanley |
I'm not disabled and neither are you. |
| 4606 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Michael |
Ok, what does this look like to you Stanley?! |
| 4607 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Stanley |
Mailboxes, Etc. |
| 4608 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Michael |
Shuuut it, ok, well, well you know what, disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me. |
| 4609 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Phyllis |
Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder. |
| 4610 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Michael |
I burned my foot!!! Ok, twenty minutes, conference room, everybody's in there! |
| 4611 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
736 |
Dwight |
Dad? |
| 4612 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society. |
| 4613 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Jim |
Quick question: uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall? |
| 4614 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Ryan |
Twice. |
| 4615 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Good question. Forrest Gump: mentally challenged, Philadelphia : AIDS. |
| 4616 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Kevin |
I think that's from Big. |
| 4617 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
I don't think so, no. |
| 4618 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Kelly |
Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia. |
| 4619 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. A crossword puzzle Stanley, seriously, are you learning nothing here? |
| 4620 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Stanley |
Uh hmmmm... . |
| 4621 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
What you mean uh hmmm... ? |
| 4622 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Stanley |
I mean I'm learning nothing. |
| 4623 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 4624 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Michael Scott, I'm looking for Michael Scott. |
| 4625 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Yes, right in here, come on in. |
| 4626 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Great. |
| 4627 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
This, ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest. |
| 4628 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Sorry I'm late. Someone parked in the handicapped parking space. |
| 4629 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Hey everyone, I'm Billy Merchant, you may have seen me around here before, I'm the properties manager of this office park |
| 4630 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
You are so brave. You are so brave. |
| 4631 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time... |
| 4632 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
But it's hard for you! Right? Because you're in a wheelchair. |
| 4633 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
No, I just have a lot of properties to manage. |
| 4634 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Let me ask you something, how long does it take for you to do something simple, every day, like brush your teeth in the morning? |
| 4635 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
I don't know, like 30 seconds? |
| 4636 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me. |
| 4637 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
How did you get in your wheelchair? |
| 4638 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
This morning? Just like every other morning, just climbed on in. |
| 4639 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey, not funny! Not funny. |
| 4640 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Hey, hey, relax, just jokin around here. |
| 4641 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Well, that's good, he still has a sense of humor. |
| 4642 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Billy Merchant |
Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore. |
| 4643 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
737 |
Michael |
Well they notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it? |
| 4644 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
738 |
Jim |
I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill. |
| 4645 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Billy Merchant |
So, there are just a couple things I want to remind everybody of... |
| 4646 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Michael |
Ok... |
| 4647 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Billy Merchant |
First is parking. You can't block the freight entrance with your car, even if your blinkers are on. Does anybody have any questions? Yes. Yeah? yes... |
| 4648 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Pam |
Dwight, you have your hand up. |
| 4649 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Michael |
Ignore him. You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick... |
| 4650 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Billy Merchant |
You know what Michael? |
| 4651 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Michael |
Yeah... |
| 4652 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Billy Merchant |
Let me stop you right there. |
| 4653 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 4654 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
739 |
Billy Merchant |
And leave. |
| 4655 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
740 |
Michael |
Did you see Born on the Fourth of July? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy. |
| 4656 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
741 |
Billy Merchant |
What's wrong with that guy? |
| 4657 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
741 |
Jim |
You mean today? He stepped on a George Foremen grill and he burned his foot. |
| 4658 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
741 |
Billy Merchant |
No, not Michael. The moon-faced kid who crashed into the pole. He looks like he has a concussion. |
| 4659 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 4660 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Ryan |
I found the pudding cups you wanted in a gas station in Carbondale! |
| 4661 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Michael |
You did it! Look at you, and with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan. |
| 4662 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Ryan |
You are very welcome. |
| 4663 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Michael |
Did you get the yams? |
| 4664 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Ryan |
No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams! |
| 4665 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Michael |
Ok, I'll just have the pudding. |
| 4666 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Ryan |
You sure? |
| 4667 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Michael |
Yeh. |
| 4668 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
742 |
Ryan |
Ok. |
| 4669 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
743 |
Michael |
You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot. |
| 4670 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
744 |
Michael |
Yeah, baby, I am feelin' better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain. |
| 4671 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
745 |
Ryan |
I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine. |
| 4672 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
Uh, finally feel the blood coursing through my foot veins. |
| 4673 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Uh, ugh, ohhhh... |
| 4674 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Uh, ok, I think we need to take him to the hospital because I'm pretty sure he has a concussion. |
| 4675 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
Oh, now you feel some compassion for him. |
| 4676 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Angela |
He needs to go right now, and you're his emergency contact. I think that you should go with him. |
| 4677 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
Why don't you go with him? |
| 4678 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Angela |
I, barely know him... |
| 4679 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
I want Michael to take me... |
| 4680 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
I can't take you, I don't have my car and yours is all vomity. |
| 4681 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Meredith |
You can take my van! |
| 4682 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
Oh, ok, that's, great. No, I can't drive. Jim why don't you drive. |
| 4683 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Fine. |
| 4684 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Michael |
We'll go. I'm still recovering. So let's just, Ryan, could you get my coat please. |
| 4685 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Slowly, slowly. Let's just get to the elevator. |
| 4686 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Choo choo choo choo choo choo... |
| 4687 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
What are you doing? What, stop... |
| 4688 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Vietnam sounds. |
| 4689 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Stop, stop, stop, stop. |
| 4690 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Tired... |
| 4691 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
You can't lay down. |
| 4692 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Want to take a rake... . |
| 4693 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Wake up. |
| 4694 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Ahh! |
| 4695 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Dwight, here, let me help you Dwight. |
| 4696 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
I'm just gonna get... |
| 4697 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Ok, Pam, thanks. |
| 4698 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Get up, get up. |
| 4699 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
You're the best. |
| 4700 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 4701 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Jim |
Just keep him awake. |
| 4702 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
It smells like chicken soup. |
| 4703 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 4704 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
I have to go to the hospital. |
| 4705 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 4706 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Where we going? |
| 4707 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
I just want to say goodbye ok? |
| 4708 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
I'll be back, I mean... |
| 4709 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Yes, I know, but it's gonna be different. |
| 4710 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Why? |
| 4711 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
It's just hard to explain. |
| 4712 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Aw, Pam, you're adorable |
| 4713 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Oh my goodness! |
| 4714 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Pam |
Come here. |
| 4715 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
746 |
Dwight |
Oh, huggy hugs. |
| 4716 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
747 |
Michael |
Shotgun! |
| 4717 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
747 |
Jim |
You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight? |
| 4718 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
748 |
Michael |
The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout "shotgun" when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion. |
| 4719 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Michael |
Oh, God, a mini-van. What is Meredith's problem? |
| 4720 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Jim |
Well, I think she has a kid. |
| 4721 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Michael |
Well, yeah she has one kid, no husband. She's not gonna find one driving this thing around. |
| 4722 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Dwight |
Where are we going? |
| 4723 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Jim |
Come on, get inside. |
| 4724 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Dwight |
Where are we going? |
| 4725 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Jim |
We're going to Chuck E. Cheese. |
| 4726 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Michael |
Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese. |
| 4727 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Jim |
We're going to the hospital, Michael. |
| 4728 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
749 |
Michael |
I know, just sayin'. |
| 4729 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Dwight, what are you drinking? |
| 4730 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
I found it under the seat. |
| 4731 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Oh my God, Dwight, put that down. |
| 4732 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
I'm thirsty. |
| 4733 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Give the bottle to Michael |
| 4734 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 4735 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Give the bottle to Michael! |
| 4736 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
I'm thirsty! |
| 4737 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Give it to me. |
| 4738 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 4739 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Dwight... You just keep your eyes on the road. Give me the bottle or you're fired. |
| 4740 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
You can't fire me, I don't work in this van! |
| 4741 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Give it to me Dwight. |
| 4742 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 4743 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Give me the bottle!! |
| 4744 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Will you stop? |
| 4745 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Gimme the bottle, Dwight! |
| 4746 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Michael stop. |
| 4747 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
Mmmmm... |
| 4748 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Just give it! |
| 4749 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Michael stop. |
| 4750 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Stop, stop it! Stop spraying! Gimme the bottle! |
| 4751 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Jim |
Stop |
| 4752 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
My eyes! |
| 4753 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Michael |
Stop spraying me! Gimme the bottle! |
| 4754 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
750 |
Dwight |
My eyes! |
| 4755 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
Dwight, what is your middle name. |
| 4756 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Dwight |
Danger. |
| 4757 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
Something with a "K". |
| 4758 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Jim |
It's Kurt. Wow, I am so sad that I know that. |
| 4759 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
What do I write under "reason for visit"? |
| 4760 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Jim |
Concussion. What did you write? |
| 4761 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
Nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital". |
| 4762 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Jim |
So you thought they meant your reason for coming to the hospital. |
| 4763 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
No... you know what Jim, this isn't about me anymore. I made a miraculous recovery, which is more than I can say for him. |
| 4764 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Jim |
Come on Dwight. |
| 4765 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Dwight |
Hi Michael! |
| 4766 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
751 |
Michael |
Hi Dwight. |
| 4767 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Dwight |
Ahhh. Mweehaa |
| 4768 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Michael |
Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury? |
| 4769 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Doctor |
A head injury. |
| 4770 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Michael |
Well, you don't have all the information. The foot as been fairly severely burned and healed quickly, very quickly, actually like suspiciously quickly. |
| 4771 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Doctor |
So, I'm ordering a CAT scan. |
| 4772 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Dwight |
What is that? |
| 4773 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Michael |
Look since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot, we take a look? |
| 4774 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Doctor |
Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot. |
| 4775 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Michael |
Ok, what kinda machine is that? |
| 4776 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Doctor |
Does the skin look red and swollen? |
| 4777 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Dwight |
That's what she said. |
| 4778 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
752 |
Michael |
That's my joke, damnit Dwight. |
| 4779 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Lab Tech |
Ok, no electronics past this point. Camera, sound equipment... |
| 4780 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Michael |
It's ok, they're with me. |
| 4781 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Lab Tech |
No metal of any kind. |
| 4782 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Michael |
Alright, well, I guess this is where we leave you off. |
| 4783 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Dwight |
I don't want to do this. |
| 4784 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Michael |
Uh, well you should of thought of before you crashed your head on your way to pick me up. We'll, see you when you get out. |
| 4785 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 4786 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
753 |
Michael |
Fine. Fine. |
| 4787 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 4788 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim. |
| 4789 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Oh my God, what is going on, is Dwight ok? |
| 4790 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Uh hmm, he should be fine, but, uh, they brought him in for a CAT scan. |
| 4791 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
I can't believe he's getting a CAT scan. |
| 4792 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Michael went in there with him too. It's pretty sweet. |
| 4793 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Really? Michael went in with him? |
| 4794 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Uh huh. |
| 4795 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 4796 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
But they shouldn't be much longer now, so we'll be back soon. |
| 4797 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Ok, that's uh, good news Uh, yeah, no I'll let you go. |
| 4798 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 4799 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Pam |
Ok. Bye. |
| 4800 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
754 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 4801 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
755 |
Pam |
Hey, Oscar? |
| 4802 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
755 |
Oscar |
What's up, Pam? |
| 4803 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
755 |
Pam |
I just wanted to let you that Dwight's gonna be ok. The doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow. |
| 4804 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
755 |
Oscar |
Ok... |
| 4805 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
755 |
Pam |
I just, uh, thought you'd want to know that. |
| 4806 |
2 |
12 |
The Injury |
756 |
Lab Tech |
Ok Mr. Schrute, inhale with me on three. One, two, uh Sir? Stop that. Stop. Stop that. |
| 4807 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Jim |
Not much what's up with you? |
| 4808 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Pam |
Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. Oh, my God. |
| 4809 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Michael |
Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me. |
| 4810 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Jim |
Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here? |
| 4811 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Michael |
What's up-dog? |
| 4812 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Jim |
Nothin' much what's up with you? |
| 4813 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
757 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that's brilliant! |
| 4814 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
758 |
Michael |
Hey, Stanley, is that jacket make of up-dog? |
| 4815 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
758 |
Stanley |
I'm on the phone. |
| 4816 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
759 |
Michael |
Mmm, what flavour coffee is that? Up-dog? |
| 4817 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
759 |
Ryan |
What's that? |
| 4818 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
759 |
Michael |
I don't know, nothin', what's up with you? |
| 4819 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
759 |
Ryan |
Huh? |
| 4820 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
759 |
Michael |
No, damn it! |
| 4821 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
760 |
Kevin |
What does that mean? |
| 4822 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
760 |
Michael |
What does what mean? |
| 4823 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
760 |
Kevin |
The thing you just said? |
| 4824 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
760 |
Michael |
Just forget it. |
| 4825 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Michael |
Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like up-dog? |
| 4826 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Dwight |
What's up-dog? |
| 4827 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Michael |
Gotcha! Oh, God. Crap! Nothin' how ya doing? |
| 4828 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Dwight |
Good. How are you doing? |
| 4829 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Jim |
So close. |
| 4830 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
761 |
Michael |
Damn it. |
| 4831 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
762 |
Michael |
Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes I know its January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your Spring cleaning in January; guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a... |
| 4832 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
762 |
Dwight |
Empty mind. |
| 4833 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
762 |
Michael |
No, that's not... no, that's not what I was going to say. |
| 4834 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
763 |
Dwight |
Meredith, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down. Kevin file drawers. Angela kitchen. Oscar dusting. Where is Oscar? |
| 4835 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
763 |
Angela |
He's out sick. |
| 4836 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
763 |
Dwight |
That's unacceptable. |
| 4837 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
763 |
Angela |
I agree it's unacceptable. |
| 4838 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
763 |
Kevin |
Whhh... What are you guys doing? |
| 4839 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
764 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 4840 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
764 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 4841 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
764 |
Dwight |
Oscar is out sick. |
| 4842 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
764 |
Michael |
On a Friday? |
| 4843 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Can I do some of the talking? |
| 4844 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
I will do all the talking. |
| 4845 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Ok, let him know that I'm here. |
| 4846 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
Hello. |
| 4847 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
What difference does it make whether your here? |
| 4848 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
Hello? |
| 4849 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
Hi, Oscar its Michael. |
| 4850 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
And Dwight. |
| 4851 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
Yechh, yeah, um, heard you were under the weather? |
| 4852 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
Yeah I think I came down with the flu. |
| 4853 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic. |
| 4854 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
Yeah, I feel terrible about it. |
| 4855 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Ask him his symptoms. I'm on Web M.D. |
| 4856 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
What are your symptoms? |
| 4857 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
I have the chills. |
| 4858 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
Umm, hmmm. |
| 4859 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
I feel nauseous and my heads killing. |
| 4860 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Checks out. |
| 4861 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
Michael is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed. |
| 4862 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
I need you to go back to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday. Unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend. |
| 4863 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Oscar |
I'll just be sleep--- |
| 4864 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Ok. First impressions? |
| 4865 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
He sounded sick. |
| 4866 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Which is exactly how you'd wanna sound like if you wanted someone to think you were sick. |
| 4867 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
That's exactly what I was thinking. |
| 4868 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Dwight |
Question? May I investigate? |
| 4869 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
765 |
Michael |
Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs. |
| 4870 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Pam |
I bought my veil. |
| 4871 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Kelly |
Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid? |
| 4872 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Pam |
Ummm... |
| 4873 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Kelly |
Listen, you don't have to answer now. But how are you going to do your hair? |
| 4874 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Pam |
Ok. I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don't know, like loose with big curls and... |
| 4875 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Kelly |
You'd look like an angel. I'm seriously going to cry. |
| 4876 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
766 |
Michael |
Wowweee. Mikey likey. Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time. It's much sexier. Man, this must be torture for you. |
| 4877 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
767 |
Jim |
Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world's worst confidant. |
| 4878 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Jim |
Hey Michael. |
| 4879 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Michael |
Hey Jim-bag. |
| 4880 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Jim |
Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That... was... personal so if we can just keep that between you and me. That would be great. |
| 4881 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 4882 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Jim |
Umm, hmm. |
| 4883 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Michael |
Who else knows? |
| 4884 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Jim |
Nobody. |
| 4885 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
768 |
Michael |
Wow! |
| 4886 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
769 |
Michael |
Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can. |
| 4887 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
770 |
Michael |
My lips are sealed. My lips are sealed... Bangles. |
| 4888 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
770 |
Jim |
Alright. Great. Thank you. |
| 4889 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
770 |
Michael |
Can you hear me, they talk about us... |
| 4890 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
771 |
Dwight |
Listen Temp. I am conducting a little investigation so I'm no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it? |
| 4891 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
771 |
Ryan |
Yeah, I think I can handle it. |
| 4892 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
771 |
Ryan |
I think. |
| 4893 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
771 |
Dwight |
Oh God, here. |
| 4894 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Hey, whatcha gettin'? |
| 4895 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Jim |
I'm going with grape. |
| 4896 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Ah, good stuff, good stuff. Did you see the game last night? |
| 4897 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Jim |
Which one? |
| 4898 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Any of em? So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the "P" situation? |
| 4899 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Jim |
I don't know what you mean. |
| 4900 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
P-A-M. P-A |
| 4901 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Jim |
Uh, uh, ok. |
| 4902 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
No it's okay, we're talking code. |
| 4903 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Stanley |
What is? |
| 4904 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Listen Stanley. How long does it take you to pick out a soda? |
| 4905 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Jim |
I'm going to take off actually. |
| 4906 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Alright, well, cool. Still deciding? |
| 4907 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Stanley |
Hmm? |
| 4908 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
772 |
Michael |
Peach iced tea. You're going to hate it. |
| 4909 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
773 |
Dwight |
Hey Oscar how ya doin'? Dwight Schrute calling. Listen a little question for you, buddy. I called six minutes ago and no one answered. So I was wondering if you could explain. Oh, I see, so. Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but your well enough to go to the pharmacy. |
| 4910 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
774 |
Dwight |
There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful. |
| 4911 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
It's Grrrrrrape! Soda. |
| 4912 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
Tony the tiger. You don't hear that much any more. |
| 4913 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Not so much. |
| 4914 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
Ok, what is going on here? |
| 4915 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Nothing. |
| 4916 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
Oh, really nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim. |
| 4917 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Fact: I love grape soda. I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets. |
| 4918 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
Ok. So what is the secret Michael? |
| 4919 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
Um, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material. |
| 4920 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
Is that true? |
| 4921 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Um, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah it is. |
| 4922 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
Thank you Michael. I know your telling the truth. |
| 4923 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 4924 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Dwight |
I can tell. I won't let you down. |
| 4925 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Good. |
| 4926 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 4927 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Whooo, nice. That was, that was slick. What are you doin' for lunch? |
| 4928 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
I don't know probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese sandwich in the break room. |
| 4929 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Oh nonsense , no way, no. Why don't, why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat. |
| 4930 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
No, that's alright, thank you though. It's, I, gotta do some cleaning, should probably stick around here. |
| 4931 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic order some 'za. Talk about you know who. |
| 4932 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Jim |
Oh, ah, no but no. You know what let's go out. That was a good idea. Let's go out. |
| 4933 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
775 |
Michael |
I know just he place. |
| 4934 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
776 |
Michael |
Oh man, you should order milk. Get it? |
| 4935 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
777 |
Michael |
Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings. |
| 4936 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
Oh, here we go, here we go. Bogy at 3 o'clock. Hi. |
| 4937 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Dana |
Hey I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters. |
| 4938 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
We're not worthy. We're not worthy. Hello Dana, I am Michael and this is Jim and we are brothers. |
| 4939 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Jim |
Nope we're not brothers. |
| 4940 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
I'm his boss actually. And I treat him well. I'm taking him out to lunch cause I can afford it and he can have whatever he wants. |
| 4941 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Jim |
Can I just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks. |
| 4942 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Dana |
And for you? |
| 4943 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast? |
| 4944 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Dana |
Oh, it's great. It's served with our world famous wing sauce. |
| 4945 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken. |
| 4946 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Dana |
Is that what you really want? |
| 4947 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Michael |
No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hot dog. |
| 4948 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
778 |
Dana |
Great. |
| 4949 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Dwight |
Who took all the black ones? |
| 4950 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Pam |
That's a communal bowl. |
| 4951 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Dwight |
So, how did Oscar sound when he called in? |
| 4952 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Pam |
Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don't know. |
| 4953 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Dwight |
Sniffling how? |
| 4954 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Pam |
Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle? |
| 4955 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Dwight |
Three. |
| 4956 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Pam |
Ok, it was the second one. |
| 4957 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Dwight |
Ok, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard now was it? |
| 4958 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
779 |
Pam |
Nuh-uh. |
| 4959 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
What do you like best about Pam? |
| 4960 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Uh, I really don't want to talk about it. |
| 4961 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Is it her boobs, or... |
| 4962 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Um, she's easy to talk to I guess and she's got a really good sense of humor. |
| 4963 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 4964 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Uh-huh. |
| 4965 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Never get's any of my jokes. |
| 4966 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
What about you? |
| 4967 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Her boobs, definitely. |
| 4968 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Wow, that's not what I meant. |
| 4969 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Dana |
Here you go. |
| 4970 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. |
| 4971 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Dana |
And I understand we have a birthday today. |
| 4972 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Ohhh happy birthday Jim! |
| 4973 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Dana |
Ready girls? Front side. |
| 4974 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Hooter's Girls |
You put your front side in; you put your front side out. You put your front side in and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoo, hoo! |
| 4975 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 4976 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Woo! Yeah! |
| 4977 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Jim |
Thanks, thanks Dana. |
| 4978 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
780 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. |
| 4979 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
781 |
Michael |
Hilarious. Hey. |
| 4980 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
781 |
Pam |
What did you guys talk about? |
| 4981 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
781 |
Jim |
Just you know politics, literature. |
| 4982 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
781 |
Pam |
I hate you. |
| 4983 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
782 |
Dwight |
Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office. |
| 4984 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
782 |
Michael |
Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes. |
| 4985 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
782 |
Dwight |
Including prep time? |
| 4986 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
782 |
Michael |
Just do it. |
| 4987 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
783 |
Ryan |
If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too. |
| 4988 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Michael |
Expenses. |
| 4989 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Kevin |
Michael is that a wig? |
| 4990 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Michael |
No. It's... I wear it like that sometimes. Is that a wig? |
| 4991 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 4992 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Angela |
This is from Hooters. |
| 4993 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Michael |
Yeah, it's a business lunch. |
| 4994 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Angela |
Did Toby approve this? |
| 4995 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Michael |
No he did not. I don't need his permission. |
| 4996 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
784 |
Toby |
You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again? |
| 4997 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
785 |
Michael |
Uhhh it's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right? |
| 4998 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Michael |
I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us. |
| 4999 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Toby |
I'm not processing this. |
| 5000 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Michael |
Look Jim needed a relaxing lunch, he has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related? |
| 5001 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Toby |
He seems fine to me. |
| 5002 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Michael |
You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please? |
| 5003 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
786 |
Kelly |
Pam? |
| 5004 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
787 |
Phyllis |
Angela who would you choose Jim or Roy? |
| 5005 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
787 |
Angela |
It's nobody's business, Phyllis. Roy. |
| 5006 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
788 |
Kevin |
Jim has got it bad for Pam. |
| 5007 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
788 |
Creed |
Oh ho! Which one is Pam? |
| 5008 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
788 |
Kevin |
Well she's the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding? |
| 5009 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
788 |
Michael |
You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me. |
| 5010 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
789 |
Dwight |
As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so... mystery solved. |
| 5011 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
790 |
Kelly |
Jim, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on Pam? |
| 5012 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
791 |
Jim |
Well the cats out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I don't. Riveting. |
| 5013 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 5014 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 5015 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Did you find anything good in your desk? |
| 5016 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Ah, coupon for a free sandwich. |
| 5017 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Score. |
| 5018 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
It expired in August, and my cell phone charger from two years ago. |
| 5019 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Big day. |
| 5020 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Big day. |
| 5021 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Hey oh, listen, um, I told Michael on the booze cruise. It's so stupid. Um, I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here. |
| 5022 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 5023 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Well I thought that, I figured you should hear it from me rather than, I mean you know Michael. |
| 5024 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Right. |
| 5025 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
And seriously, it's totally not a big deal, ok? And when I found out you were engaged, I mean. |
| 5026 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
No, I know, like, I kind of like, I thought that maybe you did when I first started. |
| 5027 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Oh you did? |
| 5028 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
No, I mean, just 'cause we like got along so well. |
| 5029 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
No, no, you saw through me, great. |
| 5030 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
So are you going to be like totally awkward around me now? |
| 5031 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Oh yeah, yeah... hope that's okay. |
| 5032 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Mmm, hmm. |
| 5033 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
And Pam it was like three years ago so I am totally over it. |
| 5034 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Pam |
Cool. |
| 5035 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
792 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 5036 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Dwight |
Stay low... This is it... There he is. He's been gone for at least two hours. Who is that? Come to Papa... Oh yes. Let's roll. I knew it! You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all. |
| 5037 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Gil |
Who's this? |
| 5038 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Dwight |
This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this? |
| 5039 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Gil |
Gil. |
| 5040 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Oscar |
Are you going to tell Michael? |
| 5041 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
793 |
Dwight |
How bout this. I don't tell Michael and in exchange you owe me one great big giant favor. Redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing. |
| 5042 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
794 |
Dwight |
Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake. |
| 5043 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 5044 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Michael |
I know, I know, I know. |
| 5045 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Jim |
Umm, what happened? |
| 5046 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Michael |
I, oh, just, um, I know I was trying to, expense reports. And then God, Toby, you know he just... I know. I'm just, I just hope that, I just hope that this doesn't affect our friendship! Stupid, this is so stupid. |
| 5047 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Jim |
Hey, hey, wow, wow. Listen man it's, you know what. It's not a big deal. |
| 5048 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Michael |
Ok, I'm fine, no I know, I'm good, I'm good, it's just. |
| 5049 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Jim |
Look its one day, everything's gonna be alright. No big deal. You good? |
| 5050 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Michael |
Yeah I'm good. |
| 5051 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
795 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 5052 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
796 |
Ryan |
Creed did you organize the menu book? |
| 5053 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
796 |
Creed |
Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis. |
| 5054 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
796 |
Ryan |
No, that was mandatory. |
| 5055 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
796 |
Creed |
Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing. |
| 5056 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Pam |
Hey, here's your schedule for next week. Are you okay? |
| 5057 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Michael |
Yeah I'm fine. Look, about you and Jim. |
| 5058 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Pam |
Oh, no, that's, you don't have to. |
| 5059 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Michael |
No, I feel it's my responsibility as your boss slash friend. |
| 5060 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Pam |
No, really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so. |
| 5061 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Michael |
It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise. |
| 5062 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Pam |
Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise? |
| 5063 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
797 |
Michael |
Yehhh, okay, shuuttt it Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out. |
| 5064 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
798 |
Jim |
Ready? |
| 5065 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
798 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 5066 |
2 |
13 |
The Secret |
799 |
Michael |
People are always coming to me. "Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust." No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a... Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call... More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott. |
| 5067 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
800 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 5068 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
800 |
Jim |
Oh, nothing. |
| 5069 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
801 |
Jim |
Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice, and, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh... June. Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that. |
| 5070 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
802 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 5071 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
802 |
Jim |
Oh, nothing. |
| 5072 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
803 |
Ryan |
Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me. |
| 5073 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Michael |
Spamster! |
| 5074 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Pam |
Um, Pam plus Spam plus...? |
| 5075 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Michael |
Hamster. |
| 5076 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Pam |
Right. |
| 5077 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Michael |
Welcome back! How was your vacation? |
| 5078 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Pam |
It was great. |
| 5079 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 5080 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Pam |
Mm-hm. |
| 5081 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
804 |
Michael |
Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink! |
| 5082 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
805 |
Pam |
Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January. |
| 5083 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
I am Pam. Spicoli guy. Oh, God. Names, numbers. Okay. Whoa! God! Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck! |
| 5084 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Pam |
What? |
| 5085 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Wow! What happened in there? |
| 5086 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Pam |
I don't know. |
| 5087 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
There is stink in there, my God! What is... what is that? |
| 5088 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Pam |
Oh... I don't know. |
| 5089 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Is it a bird? |
| 5090 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Pam |
No, I don't think it's a bird. |
| 5091 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Oh, God! How could that happen? How could... right in the middle of the carpet. |
| 5092 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
What's goin' on? |
| 5093 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office. |
| 5094 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
I don't think that's vomit. |
| 5095 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Check it out. |
| 5096 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
Me? |
| 5097 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get... no, I'm not holding your coffee. |
| 5098 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
Oh, that's ridiculous. |
| 5099 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
What is it? |
| 5100 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
Michael. |
| 5101 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Michael |
What is it? No, just tell me what it is. |
| 5102 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Kevin |
Michael, I ... I ... I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long. |
| 5103 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
806 |
Pam |
Open the door up! |
| 5104 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
807 |
Pam, others |
Phew. Oh! No, mm-mm. |
| 5105 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
807 |
Michael |
I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there. |
| 5106 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
807 |
Toby |
That's no burst pipe. |
| 5107 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
807 |
Michael |
How do you know that? What is it, then? |
| 5108 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
807 |
Creed |
Hi guys. Somebody makin' soup? |
| 5109 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
808 |
Michael |
Here she comes. All cleaned? Great. |
| 5110 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
808 |
Dwight |
It's still stinky. |
| 5111 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
808 |
Michael |
That is worse. |
| 5112 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
809 |
Michael |
I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um... I can't stand it , I can't stay in here another second. No! |
| 5113 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
810 |
Jim |
Hey! Welcome back! |
| 5114 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
810 |
Pam |
Thanks! |
| 5115 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
810 |
Jim |
So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot? |
| 5116 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
810 |
Pam |
A little. |
| 5117 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
810 |
Jim |
Good! What's goin' on here? |
| 5118 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
811 |
Jim |
What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting. |
| 5119 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
812 |
Ryan |
It wasn't me. Um... it wasn't me. It was not me. |
| 5120 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Jim |
Oh. Wow. |
| 5121 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Michael |
Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet. |
| 5122 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Jim |
That might be a little difficult with the one computer. |
| 5123 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Michael |
Oh... It's ... |
| 5124 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Jim |
But there's definitely a desk open in the back. |
| 5125 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Michael |
Yeah ... |
| 5126 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Jim |
...which I guess I'll be taking. |
| 5127 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Michael |
No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing. |
| 5128 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
813 |
Jim |
No, no, no, seriously, I'll be in the back. |
| 5129 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Jim |
Hey, Kelly. |
| 5130 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Kelly |
Are you moving back here? |
| 5131 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Jim |
Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk. |
| 5132 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Kelly |
Because Toby used to sit there, but he had to move over there because of an allergy. |
| 5133 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Jim |
Allergy to... the desk? |
| 5134 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
814 |
Kelly |
Weird. |
| 5135 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen. |
| 5136 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
Ha ha ha... the old bullpen. |
| 5137 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
Don't ape me. |
| 5138 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 5139 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
This is great. |
| 5140 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 5141 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
The pressures of my office are insane. |
| 5142 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
Mm. |
| 5143 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here. |
| 5144 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
No way! |
| 5145 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 5146 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
815 |
Dwight |
And who had your office? |
| 5147 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
816 |
Michael |
Ed Truck. Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, "Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work." What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away. |
| 5148 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
817 |
Kelly |
I'm serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit... |
| 5149 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Michael |
You know who used to sit at that desk? |
| 5150 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Dwight |
That guy Miles who quit to form his own company? |
| 5151 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Michael |
Mm-mm. Todd Packer. |
| 5152 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 5153 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 5154 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Dwight |
I thought he was out on the road. |
| 5155 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Michael |
He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes. |
| 5156 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
818 |
Dwight |
Ah. |
| 5157 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
819 |
Michael |
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. |
| 5158 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
819 |
Stanley |
Excuse me one second, please. What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer? |
| 5159 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
819 |
Michael |
Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. Okay. |
| 5160 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
820 |
Michael |
Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired. |
| 5161 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Creed |
What did you hit me for? |
| 5162 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Michael |
Charley horse! |
| 5163 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Creed |
What? |
| 5164 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Michael |
Charley horse! |
| 5165 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Creed |
You shouldn't have hit me, Michael. |
| 5166 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
821 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. Gah. |
| 5167 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
822 |
Michael |
Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical. |
| 5168 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Kelly |
Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Snow cones... |
| 5169 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Ryan |
Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair. |
| 5170 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Jim |
It's the lever on the side. |
| 5171 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Ryan |
That's what I told him. Thanks. |
| 5172 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, he is so cute! Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me? |
| 5173 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
823 |
Jim |
No, I don't think I can... |
| 5174 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
824 |
Michael |
Dwight. |
| 5175 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
824 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 5176 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
824 |
Michael |
Let's send up Accounting. |
| 5177 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
824 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 5178 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
824 |
Michael |
Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead. |
| 5179 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
Hey guys. |
| 5180 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Oscar |
Hey, Michael. |
| 5181 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
Ahem. What's up? |
| 5182 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Oscar |
Hey, Dwight. |
| 5183 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael, Dwight |
Ahhhh! Whoo hoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Sales rules! |
| 5184 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 5185 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
Yeah! Oh ho ho |
| 5186 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Dwight |
Should we help 'em pick up their stuff? |
| 5187 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that. |
| 5188 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 5189 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
Watch out, Pam. You're next! |
| 5190 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Pam |
You're gonna throw my things on the ground? |
| 5191 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
825 |
Michael |
Maybe! |
| 5192 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
826 |
Oscar |
What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it , it makes sense But it... it was still wrong. |
| 5193 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
827 |
Michael |
Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her. |
| 5194 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
828 |
Michael |
You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense. |
| 5195 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Dwight |
Hello, am I the 107th caller? Hello, Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? Hell , Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? I'm totally gonna win us that box set. |
| 5196 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Michael |
Stop. |
| 5197 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Dwight |
Jethro Tull... |
| 5198 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Michael |
Stop it. Stop. It. Don't. Don't. |
| 5199 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Dwight |
I need to make a sales call. Please? |
| 5200 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 5201 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
829 |
Dwight |
Am I the 107th caller? |
| 5202 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
830 |
Pam |
...back so soon. |
| 5203 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
830 |
Roy |
We can go back in, like, a couple of weeks maybe. |
| 5204 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
830 |
Pam |
Yeah, right. |
| 5205 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
830 |
Roy |
Okay, maybe another month, like, maybe for, like President's Day or something. |
| 5206 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
830 |
Pam |
Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend. I wonder if I could, like, call in sick on the Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend. |
| 5207 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
831 |
Kelly |
But it's so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30. |
| 5208 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
832 |
Pam |
Are you kidding? |
| 5209 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
832 |
Roy |
No. |
| 5210 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
Hi, guys. |
| 5211 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Angela |
We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit. |
| 5212 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
I'm just walking around. |
| 5213 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Angela |
Were you? |
| 5214 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
Well, yeah. |
| 5215 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Oscar |
It's just that we're really swamped over here, Michael. |
| 5216 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good? |
| 5217 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 5218 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we? |
| 5219 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Phyllis |
You're gonna compete against us? |
| 5220 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on! |
| 5221 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Dwight |
It is so on! |
| 5222 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Michael |
God, this is gonna be fun. |
| 5223 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
833 |
Dwight |
Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us! |
| 5224 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. Yes! Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale! |
| 5225 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Darryl |
What... What's that? Whatcha doing? |
| 5226 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
Nothing. |
| 5227 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Roy |
I think he's dancing. |
| 5228 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
No. Just ... |
| 5229 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Darryl |
That was definitely not dancing. |
| 5230 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just... |
| 5231 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Darryl |
Paper business. |
| 5232 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
Yeah, paper business. Is this done? |
| 5233 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Roy |
Nope. |
| 5234 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
834 |
Michael |
Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that. |
| 5235 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
835 |
Pam |
Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know. |
| 5236 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
836 |
Creed |
Who do you think did it? |
| 5237 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
836 |
Oscar |
Are you kidding? I thought it was you. |
| 5238 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
836 |
Creed |
Really? I thought you. |
| 5239 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
837 |
Michael |
This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them. |
| 5240 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Michael |
You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today. |
| 5241 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Pam |
That doesn't seem fair. |
| 5242 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Michael |
You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage. |
| 5243 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Dwight |
But you're the one who picked today. |
| 5244 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Michael |
I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about. |
| 5245 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Stanley |
That's not what a hate crime is. |
| 5246 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Michael |
Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . Very well. Then you are all punished. |
| 5247 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Pam |
What's our punishment? |
| 5248 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
838 |
Michael |
You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. No. NO! |
| 5249 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 5250 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
What's up? |
| 5251 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually little awkward. |
| 5252 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 5253 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
What do you think of Kelly? |
| 5254 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in ... Umm... She's really cool. |
| 5255 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
Are you interested in her? |
| 5256 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
Yeah, totally. |
| 5257 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 5258 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
Did she say something? |
| 5259 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
She said lots of things. |
| 5260 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? |
| 5261 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
I have no idea. |
| 5262 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Ryan |
Can you find out? |
| 5263 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
839 |
Jim |
Yeah. Sure. |
| 5264 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
840 |
Kelly |
Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together... but don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows? |
| 5265 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Michael |
Do you remember Ed Truck? |
| 5266 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Creed |
Sure. He hired me. How's he doing? |
| 5267 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Michael |
How would I know? |
| 5268 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Creed |
I thought you might. |
| 5269 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Michael |
My biggest fear is turning into him. |
| 5270 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Creed |
Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. |
| 5271 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
841 |
Michael |
I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you? |
| 5272 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back. |
| 5273 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
Yeah. Should we go upstairs? |
| 5274 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now. |
| 5275 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
So, what's the problem with my pension? |
| 5276 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me. |
| 5277 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
Well, what was done? |
| 5278 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible. |
| 5279 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
Yeah, somebody once did that in my office. |
| 5280 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 5281 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
Yeah. |
| 5282 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you? |
| 5283 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
You can't expect to be friends with everybody. |
| 5284 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Well... s-sure I can. |
| 5285 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
No. They'll always think of you as a boss first. |
| 5286 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father. |
| 5287 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
I'm not sure that ever happens. |
| 5288 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Michael |
Well, okay. Different management styles. |
| 5289 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
842 |
Ed |
Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends? |
| 5290 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
843 |
Michael |
Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney." |
| 5291 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
844 |
Jim |
Hey, Brenda. This is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so gimme a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your e-mail 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh... give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye. |
| 5292 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
844 |
Kelly |
You just asked a girl out on the phone! |
| 5293 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
844 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 5294 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 5295 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Todd Packer |
Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott. |
| 5296 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Who is this? How did you get this number? |
| 5297 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
Your mom, you gay nerd! |
| 5298 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'? |
| 5299 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, did you get that package I left for you? |
| 5300 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it? |
| 5301 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
It was pretty big. |
| 5302 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 5303 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
Yeah. |
| 5304 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it? |
| 5305 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
Left it in the middle of your office. |
| 5306 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office? |
| 5307 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Roy |
You mean the thing? |
| 5308 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? Oh! |
| 5309 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
Special delivery! |
| 5310 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you. |
| 5311 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Packer |
Sit on the throne, Michael. |
| 5312 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
845 |
Michael |
Oh. Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer! |
| 5313 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
846 |
Michael |
It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out. |
| 5314 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
847 |
Jim's voicemail |
You have seven unheard messages. |
| 5315 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
847 |
Pam |
Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back! |
| 5316 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
848 |
Pam |
Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator. |
| 5317 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
849 |
Pam |
Sudoku. Level moderate. 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert. |
| 5318 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
850 |
Pam |
I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is ... okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened, so thank you. |
| 5319 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
851 |
Pam |
Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe. |
| 5320 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
852 |
Pam |
Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up, so I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 5321 |
2 |
14 |
The Carpet |
853 |
Pam |
Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk. |
| 5322 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
854 |
Jan |
So, I'm happy to be here. It's very nice to see all of you. You're all looking well. |
| 5323 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
855 |
Pam |
Today's a 'women in the workplace' thing. Jan's coming in from Corporate to talk to all the women about... um... I don't really know what. But Michael's not allowed in. She said that about five times. |
| 5324 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles in getting there. So... |
| 5325 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
Hey, what's going on? |
| 5326 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
Michael... I thought we agreed you wouldn't be here. |
| 5327 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
Yeah... I... You know what... I... I... I just thought about it. I just have a few things I want to say. |
| 5328 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
What are you doing? |
| 5329 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
Hold... Just hear me out. What is more important than Quality? E-Quality. Now studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads... |
| 5330 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 5331 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
No, just uh... you have come a long way, baby. But I just... just want to keep it within reason. |
| 5332 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 5333 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
They did this up in Albany... |
| 5334 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
You are not allowed in this session. |
| 5335 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
And they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room which is disgusting so... |
| 5336 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
Now you're really not allowed in this session. |
| 5337 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
Well, I'm their boss, so I feel like... |
| 5338 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
I'm your boss. |
| 5339 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Michael |
Anybody want any coffee or... |
| 5340 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
856 |
Jan |
We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave, please. |
| 5341 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
857 |
Michael |
Women in the workplace... yeah, translation "I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls." Oh! Sorry. 'Women of the workplace.' About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me. Eeegkh! |
| 5342 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
858 |
Jan |
Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we start again? We were on such a roll. I... I... really apologize. |
| 5343 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
858 |
Pam |
Jan. |
| 5344 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
858 |
Jan |
Yes, Pam? |
| 5345 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
858 |
Pam |
Michael's still at the door. |
| 5346 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
858 |
Jan |
Michael! |
| 5347 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
859 |
Jan |
So one obstacle is how assertiveness is perceived differently in men and women. Men who are assertive will be admired. They're called... anyone? |
| 5348 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
860 |
Dwight |
It's a terrible idea. |
| 5349 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
860 |
Jim |
What is? |
| 5350 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
860 |
Dwight |
Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they're going to get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing. |
| 5351 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
861 |
Michael |
Everyone. Guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too... sort of. Let's do this! |
| 5352 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
862 |
Michael |
Well, first of all, I, uh, just want to warm up a little bit. Let's just clap. |
| 5353 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
Let's just clap. Ready? Yeah! Yeah! |
| 5354 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 5355 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
That's what I'm talking about! |
| 5356 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Jan |
I don't know what you're doing here, Michael, |
| 5357 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
Just having a little 'guys in the workplace' thing. |
| 5358 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Jan |
... but it's very destructive. |
| 5359 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable? |
| 5360 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Jan |
Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael? |
| 5361 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
We have nowhere else Jan. This... |
| 5362 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Dwight |
We could do it in the warehouse. |
| 5363 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Jan |
Dwight, excellent idea. Go to the warehouse. |
| 5364 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
863 |
Michael |
OK, OK, Fine. Yeah, actually, perfect. Perfect. You know what? There's another side to this place, gentleman. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office. But do you realize that underneath us, there's another world. The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office. These guys are down there, they are real men doing real man's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works. |
| 5365 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
864 |
Michael |
Oh, I think it's going to work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job. And I haven't been there in months. |
| 5366 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
865 |
Dwight |
Remember on Lost when they met the Others? |
| 5367 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
866 |
Jan |
I'm so sorry about that... um... so where were we? Pam, are you okay taking notes then? |
| 5368 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
866 |
Pam |
Mmmhmm. |
| 5369 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
866 |
Jan |
Please? Thank you. very much. |
| 5370 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Michael |
So let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shots. Pan around there. This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff. Darryl, what is your biggest fear? |
| 5371 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Darryl |
My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time. |
| 5372 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Michael |
You know, Darryl is actually the Foreman here and not Roy, which is cool. There's Roy riding the big rig. So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And... uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a Brangelina thing. |
| 5373 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Roy |
Why? |
| 5374 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Michael |
Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina... Roy... |
| 5375 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Roy |
I don't understand. |
| 5376 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Michael |
Roy and Pam. It's a Ram. It's a Ram thing. |
| 5377 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Kevin |
I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up. |
| 5378 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Jim |
Thanks for the head's up, Kev. |
| 5379 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
867 |
Kevin |
I've got your back if he does. But try to stay out of it. |
| 5380 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
868 |
Michael |
Uhhuhhuh. Just in case there's someone down here who shouldn't be. A little "Good Will Hunting" situation. All right. Troops. This is an important day. Big day. Now you may look around and see two groups here. White collar. Blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind. |
| 5381 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Jan |
Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I will start. I am good at public speaking. |
| 5382 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Meredith |
Hi. I'm Meredith and I'm an alch... good at supplier relations. |
| 5383 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Jan |
Great. Phyllis? |
| 5384 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Phyllis |
I'm good at computer stuff, emails, spreadsheets, all that. |
| 5385 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Angela |
Really? |
| 5386 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Phyllis |
I don't know. I thought that I wasn't going to be asked that... |
| 5387 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Jan |
No. Okay. Stop. Go on... |
| 5388 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Angela |
I've seen some of your spreadsheets. |
| 5389 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
869 |
Phyllis |
Really? I thought they were pretty... |
| 5390 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
870 |
Pam |
I don't know how I fit in with these women. Here. Or with Jan. Um... I mean we get along great. Fine. Um... I guess the person I have the most in common with is... |
| 5391 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
Jim... Halpert. Hey uh, I, uh, you know heard there's a rumor going around about you used to have a crush on Pam. |
| 5392 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Jim |
Oh, no, no. No. |
| 5393 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
No, it's cool, because I know you're a good guy. And I know that that crush ended a long time ago, so... you know. We're cool, right? |
| 5394 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Jim |
Yeah. Nope. Yeah. Definitely. |
| 5395 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
You know, it's great with me cause that way, glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with. She's not all bap bap bap bap when she gets home. |
| 5396 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Jim |
Yeah. I like talking to her too. |
| 5397 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
So, we're cool, right? |
| 5398 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Jim |
Yes. Yeah. |
| 5399 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
All right. |
| 5400 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Jim |
Yep. Cool, man. |
| 5401 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
871 |
Roy |
Sweet. |
| 5402 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
872 |
Darryl |
Hey, Mike, look. How bout we go upstairs, too. You know learn how the office works. We can all switch places today. |
| 5403 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
872 |
Michael |
Oh... well... okay... yeah, you know what? I don't think... You.. You're... My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there. |
| 5404 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
872 |
Darryl |
The experience... |
| 5405 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
872 |
Michael |
Guys! Want to start unloading the truck? |
| 5406 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
873 |
Dwight |
Okay. Let's go. Step up. |
| 5407 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
874 |
Michael |
Check this out! Look at that! Look at that bwup-bwa! Hello! How are... Oh! Kay. That is great. That is good stuff. |
| 5408 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Meredith |
In five years, I'd like to be... five years sober. |
| 5409 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Jan |
That is an excellent goal. |
| 5410 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Meredith |
Four and a half. |
| 5411 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Kelly |
I'll tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan. |
| 5412 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Jan |
Great! Uh-huh? |
| 5413 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
875 |
Kelly |
I want an SUV... with three rows of seats. |
| 5414 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
876 |
Jan |
Well, I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts. Women who could be a valuable addition to our Corporate life. |
| 5415 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Dwight |
Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. |
| 5416 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Jim |
Ponies. |
| 5417 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 5418 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Ryan |
How about rainbows? |
| 5419 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 5420 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
877 |
Jim |
Flowers. |
| 5421 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Darryl |
It's dangerous, Michael. Come on, get off this. |
| 5422 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Michael |
Hey, you're going to, going to hurt yourself. |
| 5423 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Darryl |
Mike. |
| 5424 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Michael |
Stand clear. |
| 5425 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Darryl |
Mike. Get off of the lift. Please. Come on now. |
| 5426 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Michael |
I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. |
| 5427 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Darryl |
Look, would ya... look. |
| 5428 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, oh! We'll get somebody to clean that up. |
| 5429 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Darryl |
We're the ones that got to clean that up! |
| 5430 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Lonny |
Dammit, Michael! |
| 5431 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
878 |
Michael |
We ought to have this thing serviced. |
| 5432 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
879 |
Michael |
So! Guy's gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. That's going to happen, you know. We're guys, so... |
| 5433 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
879 |
Madge |
Hey, do you want me to go? |
| 5434 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
879 |
Michael |
No, why? Why would I... ? You could... |
| 5435 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
879 |
Madge |
I'll go. |
| 5436 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
879 |
Michael |
Stay or... |
| 5437 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Phyllis |
...and a big walk-in closet. |
| 5438 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Meredith |
Oh, that's part of my dream too. |
| 5439 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Kelly |
Oh, me too. |
| 5440 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Jan |
Great, great. And Pam, what about you? What is your dream? |
| 5441 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Pam |
Well... I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it... stuff like that. Since I was a girl. Um... More seriously though, a husband that I love... Roy. And I love to draw. And I... I did a little in college and I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way. |
| 5442 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Phyllis |
She's real good. |
| 5443 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 5444 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Jan |
You know the company is offering a design training program in New York. |
| 5445 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Pam |
Well... I have a job right now, so I can't really take time off... |
| 5446 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Jan |
Well, it's only on weekends and then a few weeks in New York, but I'm sure that I could ask Corporate to help you out. |
| 5447 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Pam |
Well... it's just that the weekends aren't good because, um... |
| 5448 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
880 |
Jan |
There are always a million reasons not to do something. |
| 5449 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
Let's start with the Warehouse. What bothers you as guys, you know? |
| 5450 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Darryl |
My priority is safety. |
| 5451 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 5452 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Darryl |
So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here speeding around on a lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin. |
| 5453 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
OK, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah shhh... |
| 5454 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Darryl |
Uh uh uh. Don't shush me. |
| 5455 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
I... That was just... |
| 5456 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Darryl |
That bothers me too. |
| 5457 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
I was breathing. |
| 5458 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Roy |
Pam shushes me. It drives me crazy. |
| 5459 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
I hate shushing. You know, that's the thing! What the... ok... what is our beef as human men. |
| 5460 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Lonny |
You know that's a good question, Hasselhoff. What bugs us? |
| 5461 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
881 |
Michael |
OK. Alright. Good. Guys ragging on each other. That's what guys do... and we love it. |
| 5462 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
882 |
Jan |
All right. Let's talk about clothing. |
| 5463 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
883 |
Phyllis |
I'm excited about today. I love girl talk. |
| 5464 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
884 |
Jan |
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. All right. You can use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be. |
| 5465 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
885 |
Angela |
I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And, apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore. |
| 5466 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night and then they're like "When are we going to go on a date-date?" |
| 5467 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Guy |
I hate that too! |
| 5468 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
I hate that too. |
| 5469 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Kevin |
That sucks so much. |
| 5470 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Guy |
It totally sucks. |
| 5471 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Dwight |
Yeah and then they make you drive them to Church the next morning. Like "Gas ain't free!" |
| 5472 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Lonny |
Yeah, on our salaries, man, what do they expect? You know to take us out every weekend? You know what I mean? We're not millionaires. |
| 5473 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
I feel you. |
| 5474 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
No, you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You know what? |
| 5475 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Dwight |
Not literally. |
| 5476 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently. |
| 5477 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 5478 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
We work the same hours as you and you just said we work a lot harder |
| 5479 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
Ah, you do. So... |
| 5480 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
But we get paid a lot less. |
| 5481 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Dwight |
Word. |
| 5482 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
Like next to no benefits. |
| 5483 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
I know. God! What is that? |
| 5484 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
Exactly. |
| 5485 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
It blows. It blows, man. Gah... |
| 5486 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
You know this would not happen if we had a union. |
| 5487 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
That's what I'm talking about. |
| 5488 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
No. Whoa, whoa. Yeah. |
| 5489 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
Absolutely. |
| 5490 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
That's what we need. |
| 5491 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Guy |
You know you're right. |
| 5492 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
Man, see... That's what I've been sayin', man. We need to do this finally. |
| 5493 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
You know what? Is that necessary? Because you already sorta have a union... of guys. |
| 5494 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this. Roy? You still have that card from the Dockworker's Union? |
| 5495 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Roy |
In my truck. |
| 5496 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
Dockworker's? |
| 5497 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
Man, hook you up. |
| 5498 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Guy |
Come on, man. |
| 5499 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
Yeah. You know what? I think the problem is the chicks. |
| 5500 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
Union! Union, yeah. |
| 5501 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
The problem is the chicks. And you gotta blame them. |
| 5502 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
Are you with us Mike? |
| 5503 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Michael |
Yeah-es. |
| 5504 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Darryl |
Welcome to the warehouse. |
| 5505 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
886 |
Group chant |
Michael, Michael, Michael, Mi... |
| 5506 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
887 |
Jan |
Another issue is inequality of pay between men and women. I'm sure that all of you have felt that before... |
| 5507 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
887 |
Michael |
This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I uh wanna... Can I help you? Um... I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union. And they have some good points... |
| 5508 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
887 |
Jan |
What? A union! What... |
| 5509 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
887 |
Michael |
Don't get hysterical. |
| 5510 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
887 |
Jan |
I'm not... |
| 5511 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
888 |
Michael |
Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women. |
| 5512 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
Let's... be... rational... here. What are the pros? What are the cons? |
| 5513 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
The cons are that everyone will lose their job. Michael. Everyone. Office, Warehouse. What do you think... the... pros... are... here? |
| 5514 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
Don't talk to me that way please. Just... they're going to want to hear this from you. |
| 5515 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
You got yourself into this Michael, so you get yourself out. |
| 5516 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
But we're bonding down there! |
| 5517 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
That's too bad. |
| 5518 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
I mean I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not going to want to hear. |
| 5519 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
I don't want to... |
| 5520 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
Ok. Come on Jan. After all we've been through... |
| 5521 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
Michael! Michael! Michael! |
| 5522 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
We have a history... |
| 5523 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 5524 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
...between us. |
| 5525 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
Don't say another word. |
| 5526 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
I won't |
| 5527 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Jan |
Get yourself down stairs. |
| 5528 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
889 |
Michael |
I'm just saying we have something... Ok. Whatever. |
| 5529 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
890 |
Ryan |
You know what... we could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line. |
| 5530 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
890 |
Stanley |
This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs. |
| 5531 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Jan |
Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly but a ... many women ask to go over it. So... Fumble means... |
| 5532 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Phyllis |
Mistake. |
| 5533 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Meredith |
Slip. |
| 5534 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Jan |
Right. Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Below par means worse. Wait... that should mean better, that doesn't make sense. |
| 5535 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Kelly |
What about second base? Like if Michael said that he got to second base with you? Does that mean you like closed a deal? |
| 5536 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Jan |
Excuse me? |
| 5537 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Kelly |
I mean that's a baseball term, right? |
| 5538 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
891 |
Jan |
I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know. |
| 5539 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Kelly |
...and you went to Chili's and he got to second base with you. |
| 5540 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jan |
Kelly, I don't know what Michael's talking about. |
| 5541 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Kelly |
He told everybody so I just want to know is that a baseball term... |
| 5542 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 5543 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 5544 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
How's it going down there? |
| 5545 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
It's a complete... well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so... How are the girls? |
| 5546 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies. |
| 5547 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
Did you really? |
| 5548 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
No. |
| 5549 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 5550 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
Almost. |
| 5551 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 5552 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
Um... but hey? Something kind of cool. There's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great. |
| 5553 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
Nice. Well, what's it all about? |
| 5554 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
Um... |
| 5555 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Jim |
I think you should do it. That's great! |
| 5556 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
892 |
Pam |
It's really cool. |
| 5557 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
893 |
Michael |
Cold front coming into the Warehouse. Uh oh! Better put on your ski boots! Woohoohoowoo. Waaaah! Happy New Year, Darryl! Hey,Darryl. You ever done this? |
| 5558 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Angela |
Are you married? |
| 5559 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Jan |
I'm divorced. |
| 5560 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Phyllis |
That must have been hard. |
| 5561 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Jan |
It was. Yes. |
| 5562 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Kelly |
You were probably feeling really depressed and sad and that's why you did that thing with Michael. |
| 5563 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Jan |
I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers and less time on personal stuff. |
| 5564 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Phyllis |
Mmmm, I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck. |
| 5565 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Angela |
At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God. |
| 5566 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Jan |
Okay. Let's take five. I think we can all use five. |
| 5567 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
894 |
Kelly |
How can someone so beautiful be so sad? |
| 5568 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 5569 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Jan |
Did you take care of the situation? |
| 5570 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Michael |
Yuh, yuh, yes! I... I have essentially... |
| 5571 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Jan |
Excuse me. |
| 5572 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Michael |
I have essentially. Yes. I've taken some... |
| 5573 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
895 |
Jan |
Excuse me. I've been told there's been some interest in forming a Union and that Michael supported it. Obviously he's not a friend of yours because he didn't tell you the facts. So let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that . They unionized in Pittsfield and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions you can direct them to... to Michael. |
| 5574 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
896 |
Pam |
Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice but... um... I don't know. It was just something I read in this book when I was twelve. The girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom and she planted flowers on it and I just loved that. Just always kind of stuck with me. |
| 5575 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
So you're not doing it. |
| 5576 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
How did you know? |
| 5577 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
Why not? |
| 5578 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
Just like no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. |
| 5579 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
Come on. |
| 5580 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway. |
| 5581 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
Roy said that. |
| 5582 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
What? You have something you want to say? |
| 5583 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always? |
| 5584 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices! |
| 5585 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Jim |
You are? |
| 5586 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
897 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 5587 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
898 |
Pam |
It's impractical. I'm not going to try to get a house like that. Um... they don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So, I'm never going to... . |
| 5588 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
899 |
Michael |
I'm just going to put this over there. |
| 5589 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
899 |
Darryl |
This is not a good idea right here. |
| 5590 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
899 |
Michael |
You did uh... okay. |
| 5591 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
900 |
Michael |
Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza? |
| 5592 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
901 |
Michael |
Hey. Um... look guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes Jan can be such a bitch. |
| 5593 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
901 |
All the Men |
Generalized mumbling agreement. Yeah. |
| 5594 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
901 |
Michael |
Hey, watch it, watch it. We have a relationship. |
| 5595 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
902 |
Michael |
Thank you to our hosts. |
| 5596 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
902 |
Darryl |
Hey Michael. This ain't over. |
| 5597 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
903 |
Michael |
Ahhh! Excellent. |
| 5598 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
904 |
Michael |
Is it good to be back. Yeah. I mean I love the guy stuff but to run an office you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting. |
| 5599 |
2 |
15 |
Boys & Girls |
905 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh... hold, please. |
| 5600 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
906 |
Pam |
I really like Valentine's Day in this office. It's kinda like grade school. Everybody gives out little presents and stuff. Like last year, Jim gave me this card, with Dwight's head on it, it was horrifying and funny and... |
| 5601 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
907 |
Pam |
Phyllis. |
| 5602 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
907 |
Delivery man |
Would you sign here? |
| 5603 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
908 |
Pam |
Roy and I are saving for the wedding, so I made him promise not to get me anything too big. |
| 5604 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
909 |
Meredith |
"Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration." |
| 5605 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
909 |
Phyllis |
Isn't he sweet? |
| 5606 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
909 |
Meredith |
Yeah. Wow. |
| 5607 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Michael |
Alright Dwight, as you know I am heading to New York today. Doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO. |
| 5608 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Dwight |
And you want me to come with you. |
| 5609 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Michael |
Nope. The opposite of that. |
| 5610 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Dwight |
I will stay here and run things on this end. |
| 5611 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Michael |
Ok, good. |
| 5612 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Dwight |
Question. Will you be seeing Jan when you're in New York? |
| 5613 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Michael |
I probably will, why do you ask? |
| 5614 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Dwight |
Well... It's Valentine's Day, and you guys, you know... |
| 5615 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 5616 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
910 |
Dwight |
Screwed. |
| 5617 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
911 |
Michael |
This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an email this morning. But, it is Valentine's Day. It's New York. City of Love. |
| 5618 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
912 |
Michael |
Hey, Pam. You heart N.Y., right? You want me to pick you up anything? |
| 5619 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
912 |
Pam |
That's OK. |
| 5620 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
912 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 5621 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
912 |
Oscar |
The best present would be, you do a good job in front of the new CFO. |
| 5622 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
912 |
Michael |
Dude, I'm gonna nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. Fuggedaboudit! See ya! |
| 5623 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
913 |
Michael |
Well here we go. On our way to New York. New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name. |
| 5624 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
914 |
Jim |
So I broke up with Katy and haven't been dating anybody else, so this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be good. I invited a couple of friends over. We're gonna play some cards and I'll end up winning a lotta money. Because, they're idiots. It's gonna be great. |
| 5625 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
915 |
Dwight |
What's this? What is this? |
| 5626 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
915 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but who put it here? And for what purpose? |
| 5627 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
915 |
Jim |
It was there when I sat down. |
| 5628 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
915 |
Dwight |
Happy Valentine's Day. It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes! Ahh! |
| 5629 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
916 |
Michael |
The meeting isn't 'til three, but I always like to come to New York little bit early and hit some of my favorite hunts, like right here, is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice. |
| 5630 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
Hey Kelly. What's up? |
| 5631 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
Nothing. Oh except, oh my God Jim. Last night, Ryan and I totally, finally hooked up. It was awesome. |
| 5632 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
OH, that's great. I'm really happy for |
| 5633 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
And it was so funny 'cause we were at this bar with his friends and I was sitting next to him the whole night and he wasn't making a move, so in my head I was like "Ryan, what's taking you so long?" And then he kissed me. And I didn't know what to say. |
| 5634 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 5635 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
So I said, "Ryan, what took you so long?" And I just said that to him, can you believe that? |
| 5636 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 5637 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed. |
| 5638 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
No, don't be. |
| 5639 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
Oh, thank God, because I was nervous, Jim, you will not believe. |
| 5640 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
I bet. |
| 5641 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Kelly |
So nervous, but now -- now I have a boyfriend. |
| 5642 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
917 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 5643 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
918 |
Ryan |
I hooked up with her on February 13th. |
| 5644 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
919 |
Michael |
Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it. Most people when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building, that's pretty touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. Ya know. This is, this is the heart of civilization, right here. |
| 5645 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
920 |
Kevin |
Woah. |
| 5646 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
920 |
Pam |
Guess what? |
| 5647 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
920 |
Phyllis |
Really, Oh, they're from Bob again. |
| 5648 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
920 |
Pam |
That's great. |
| 5649 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
921 |
Michael |
Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time. It's a way to Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there. |
| 5650 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
922 |
Michael |
This is the world famous Rockefeller Center. Founded, of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is a skating rink and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes and it's, that's Tina Fey . That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. Hello? Hello, hi? OH, I'm sorry, I thought you were , OK, I thought that was. She, she looked a lot like Tina Fey. Hello, hello, I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So... Are you serious? He was here? When, when I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! And are you, argh. |
| 5651 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Dwight |
Hello Angela. Did you hear, somebody rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten. |
| 5652 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Angela |
Really? I wouldn't know anything about that, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. |
| 5653 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Dwight |
Oh I did. I did. |
| 5654 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Angela |
I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day. |
| 5655 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Dwight |
Oh, I bet you will before the day is over. |
| 5656 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
923 |
Angela |
Really? Well, I hope I do. |
| 5657 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
924 |
Michael |
I would love to live in New York someday. It's a big dream of mine. Work for corporate, with Jan. It'd be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs. Scranton is great, but New York, is like Scranton on acid, no on speed, no on steroids. OK, umm, I think, that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back, should be back this way. There's a lotta pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan, in the NBA finals. Or, like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, and this presentation is desert storm and as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it. |
| 5658 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
925 |
Jim |
Nah that's alright. Spend money on her, instead of giving it to us. That's fine. No, I didn't even have a seat for you anyway. Yeah, hahaha, alright man, have a good night. Bye. |
| 5659 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Kevin |
Woah, woah |
| 5660 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Delivery man |
Phyllis Lapin. |
| 5661 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Pam |
OH, Holy God! |
| 5662 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Delivery man |
It's from Bob. |
| 5663 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Kevin |
Man, that thing's bigger than I am. |
| 5664 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Delivery man |
No, it's not. |
| 5665 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
926 |
Kevin |
Oh zip it. |
| 5666 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
There they are. What's up? Hey hey. |
| 5667 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Craig |
Hey. |
| 5668 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Josh |
Michael Scott. |
| 5669 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
Josh Porter, high five. Bam. |
| 5670 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Josh |
You know Dan Gore from Buffalo. |
| 5671 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
Yeah, how ya doing? Nobody needs to introduce this guy. Craiggers. |
| 5672 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Craig |
What's up buddy? |
| 5673 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany, is that true? |
| 5674 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Craig |
Guilty, yeah. |
| 5675 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
So what's going on? What I miss? |
| 5676 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Josh |
Not much, they're uh, I guess running late upstairs, so we're just waiting for the presentations. |
| 5677 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
927 |
Michael |
Cool. Good, good, good. Give us some time to catch up, and... |
| 5678 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
928 |
Dwight |
Pam. Hi, How ya doing? Good. Listen, uh may I speak with you... privately? |
| 5679 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
928 |
Pam |
You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here. |
| 5680 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
928 |
Dwight |
No, Pam, Just. Just, |
| 5681 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Pam |
You need to get something for your girlfriend. |
| 5682 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Dwight |
Girlfriend. Yes, and the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person - who shall remain nameless - is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of... |
| 5683 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Pam |
Tightly wound? |
| 5684 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Dwight |
(smirking) Exactly. |
| 5685 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Pam |
Ok, well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means, instead of what it is. |
| 5686 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Dwight |
You mean, like a ham? |
| 5687 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Pam |
No, not like a ham. It's about doing something, so that the person knows that you really care about her. |
| 5688 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Dwight |
Ok, I get it. |
| 5689 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Pam |
That you remember her. |
| 5690 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
929 |
Dwight |
Ok, shut up. I know exactly what to do. |
| 5691 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Josh |
What about you, Craig, you lose anyone? |
| 5692 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Craig |
Oh man, Jan, called me in September and said "You gotta fire four people," and I was just like, "What?" Ya know? |
| 5693 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Josh |
Did you? |
| 5694 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Craig |
No, I just ignored her. She's the worse. |
| 5695 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Josh |
She is our boss. |
| 5696 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Craig |
She ain't my boss dude. I don't work for that bitch. |
| 5697 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Michael |
Ay, Kay. Come on, you know, that's not. Cool it. |
| 5698 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Michael |
Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and... |
| 5699 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Josh |
You hooked up with Jan? |
| 5700 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Michael |
You know, months ago, just once, It's, just stupid. Just forget it, |
| 5701 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Josh |
Yeah, let's change the subject. |
| 5702 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
930 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 5703 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Kelly |
I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever. |
| 5704 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Jim |
Take it slow. 'Cause it seems like a lot of the time things like that need... |
| 5705 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Ryan |
Soda. |
| 5706 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Kelly |
Cool. Hey, so... do you want to... do something tonight? Or... |
| 5707 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Jim |
Oh, no, not while I'm here. |
| 5708 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Kelly |
I mean, I know it's Valentine's Day, or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all, of any kind. What so ever. So... |
| 5709 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Ryan |
I can't tonight. I have plans with my friends. |
| 5710 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Kelly |
OK, That's cool. I completely understand. |
| 5711 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
931 |
Ryan |
Cool. Cool. OK. |
| 5712 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
Jan |
Josh Porter, Stamford. |
| 5713 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
David |
David |
| 5714 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
Josh |
Nice to meet you. |
| 5715 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
Jan |
And Michael Scott, Scranton. |
| 5716 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
David |
Nice to meet you. |
| 5717 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
Michael |
Ditto. How are you Jan? |
| 5718 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
Jan |
Fine Michael. Thank you. |
| 5719 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
932 |
David |
OK. So we are in the process of doing a complete review of the company's financial strengths. All I'd like to do today is to... |
| 5720 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
933 |
Jan |
Nervous, no I'm not nervous. Well, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Umm, the new CFO is judging me on this too, and well, it is Michael, so. Yeah, I'm very nervous. |
| 5721 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
Josh |
So with the twelve new local accounts, we had a total of four percent organic growth, which was just above our pre-year targets. |
| 5722 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
David |
Thanks very much. |
| 5723 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
Josh |
Thank you. |
| 5724 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
David |
OK, Michael. |
| 5725 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
Michael |
What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more. |
| 5726 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
934 |
Michael |
Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks that make the Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesman. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmark's of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our bases on. |
| 5727 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
935 |
Michael |
Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. I was thinking of entering it into some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about. |
| 5728 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
936 |
Michael |
And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know, that you're home. |
| 5729 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
936 |
Michael |
Questions? |
| 5730 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
937 |
David |
Wow. OK, OK, thank you Michael, that was great. |
| 5731 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
937 |
Michael |
Yes, thank you. |
| 5732 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
937 |
David |
But, for right now what, I would really like to know about is the branch's performance, so do you have that information as well? |
| 5733 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
937 |
Michael |
Yes, absolutely David. Get that for you. I umm... |
| 5734 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Delivery man |
Can you sign? |
| 5735 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 5736 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Pam |
Oscar. |
| 5737 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Angela |
Nothing for me? |
| 5738 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Pam |
Join the club. |
| 5739 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Kevin |
Whose it from? |
| 5740 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
938 |
Oscar |
My mom. |
| 5741 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
939 |
Kelly |
It's frustrating, because we'd be so perfect together. |
| 5742 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
939 |
Jim |
You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was in to you, right? It'd be great, but he isn't. |
| 5743 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
939 |
Kelly |
Yeah, it would be so great if he was. |
| 5744 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
939 |
Jim |
Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight. |
| 5745 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
939 |
Kelly |
Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan? |
| 5746 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Dan Gore |
And that about does it, thank you. |
| 5747 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Jan |
OK. Craig, |
| 5748 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Craig |
Yeah. Here's the deal. I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on... like report or whatnot. |
| 5749 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Jan |
Um, I'm sorry, what did you think financial presentation meant? |
| 5750 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Craig |
I was under the impression this was, more of like... a meet and greet type deal. |
| 5751 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
David |
So, does that mean you don't have the numbers on your branch? |
| 5752 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Craig |
That is correct, yes. |
| 5753 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Jan |
Craig, you realize that we're trying to decide whether if drastic steps need to be taken? |
| 5754 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Craig |
Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know. |
| 5755 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Jan |
Well, the point is, is that doesn't exactly bode well for your branch. |
| 5756 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
940 |
Craig |
Oh man, you know what? Michael made that stupid movie, he doesn't get into any trouble? Maybe I should have slept with you, too. |
| 5757 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Michael |
Oh, ok. Alright. |
| 5758 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Jan |
NO, NO I'm not, I'm not, I just... I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, we're all gonna get fired. |
| 5759 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Michael |
No you're not. |
| 5760 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Jan |
Yeah, Michael - the CFO thinks that we slept together. Do you understand, people get fired for much less? And I just can't believe that you told everybody and we didn't even sleep together. |
| 5761 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Michael |
Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So... |
| 5762 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Jan |
Oh, God. Michael. It was months ago. It was once, It's over. Do you understand? |
| 5763 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Michael |
Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David. |
| 5764 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Jan |
Surely, you cannot be serious? |
| 5765 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
941 |
Michael |
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Airplane. |
| 5766 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
942 |
Dwight |
Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving. |
| 5767 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Roy |
Hey babe. |
| 5768 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 5769 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Roy |
You almost ready to go? |
| 5770 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Pam |
I guess, yeah. |
| 5771 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Roy |
What's wrong? |
| 5772 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Pam |
Nothing, it's just I had to sit here all day, while Phyllis got like an entire garden delivered to her. |
| 5773 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Roy |
What, you're mad at me? |
| 5774 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
943 |
Roy |
Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home and you are gonna get the best s*x of you life. |
| 5775 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
David |
You understand this is a very serious situation. |
| 5776 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
Michael |
No no no no no, yes I, OK, well, alright, here's the deal. It's my fault. This is, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke and Craig the idiot took it seriously. |
| 5777 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
David |
You made a joke? |
| 5778 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
Michael |
I did, it was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool. |
| 5779 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
David |
Well I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss... |
| 5780 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
Michael |
I know. It was borderline at best and... And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and um, I'm really sorry. It will never happen again. |
| 5781 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
Jan |
Uh, that's fine. Let's just forget it. |
| 5782 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
944 |
David |
Good. |
| 5783 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
945 |
Pam |
Heading out? |
| 5784 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
945 |
Jim |
Yeah. Alright, Beesly, Hey, Happy Valentine's Day. |
| 5785 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
945 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 5786 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
945 |
Phyllis |
Goodnight Pam. |
| 5787 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
945 |
Pam |
Night Phyllis. |
| 5788 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
946 |
Jan |
Oh, Michael. Thank you again for that, really. It was very nice. |
| 5789 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
946 |
Michael |
Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again. |
| 5790 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
946 |
Jan |
Oh, no, it's OK. So, uh, Happy valentine's Day. |
| 5791 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
946 |
Michael |
Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. |
| 5792 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
946 |
Jan |
Oh. |
| 5793 |
2 |
16 |
Valentine's Day |
947 |
Michael |
Oy vey... schmear. |
| 5794 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then... |
| 5795 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Dwight |
They are either going to say yes... or no. |
| 5796 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say. |
| 5797 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Dwight |
Think it through. |
| 5798 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Have to think it through. Because if they say no... |
| 5799 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Jim |
Can we not? |
| 5800 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted. |
| 5801 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Jim |
Still want that. |
| 5802 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me. |
| 5803 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Creed |
Ryan! |
| 5804 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Dwight |
Fumble! Yaaah! |
| 5805 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Hey, Dwight. |
| 5806 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Dwight |
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike! |
| 5807 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
You all right Ryan? |
| 5808 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Dwight |
Ryan. |
| 5809 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 5810 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
948 |
Michael |
Pam! |
| 5811 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
949 |
Dwight |
Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread? |
| 5812 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
949 |
Jim |
Cugino's pizza. |
| 5813 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
949 |
Dwight |
Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs? |
| 5814 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
950 |
Jim |
Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-Based Mid-size Paper Company Regional Salesman can attain, so... |
| 5815 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Jim |
What did I do to deserve this? |
| 5816 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Pam |
Are you sad that Dwight beat you? |
| 5817 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Jim |
No. |
| 5818 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Pam |
Are you going to cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue? |
| 5819 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Phyllis |
Hey, I heard you got a wedding dress. Do you have pictures? |
| 5820 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Pam |
Oh! I... uh... yeah. Um... I'll uh show them to you later. |
| 5821 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Phyllis |
Oh. |
| 5822 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Jim |
Oh, I should get back. Talk to you guys later. |
| 5823 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
951 |
Pam |
Ok, cool. |
| 5824 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
952 |
Pam |
I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um... just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff. Then... I just... I don't want to offend... Angela... or someone. |
| 5825 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
953 |
Michael |
That's what she said! |
| 5826 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
953 |
Dwight |
Ha! I don't get it. |
| 5827 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
953 |
Michael |
Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon? |
| 5828 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
953 |
Dwight |
Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right? |
| 5829 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
953 |
Michael |
Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life. |
| 5830 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
954 |
Michael |
Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year. |
| 5831 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
955 |
Dwight |
What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, "Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very..." |
| 5832 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
955 |
Michael |
That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act. |
| 5833 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
956 |
Dwight |
When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'. |
| 5834 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Dwight |
I can't do this. |
| 5835 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Michael |
That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time. |
| 5836 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Dwight |
Oh, okay. |
| 5837 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Michael |
But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company. |
| 5838 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Dwight |
Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked. |
| 5839 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Michael |
Well, if you have a question, you should ask me. |
| 5840 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Dwight |
I'll try and think of one. When... |
| 5841 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Michael |
Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot. |
| 5842 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Dwight |
Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice? |
| 5843 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
957 |
Michael |
Insult. |
| 5844 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
958 |
Pam |
Mom, I'm sorry. I know you and Dad are chipping in for the wedding but I do not want orange invitations. Yes! Well, if you really want my... |
| 5845 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
958 |
Jim |
Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents? |
| 5846 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
959 |
Jim |
I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here. |
| 5847 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
960 |
Jim |
Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um... |
| 5848 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
961 |
Oscar |
I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do, but I don't care. |
| 5849 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Michael |
But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman? |
| 5850 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Dwight |
Saleswoman has a v*g1n*. |
| 5851 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Michael |
It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a s*x Ed class. |
| 5852 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Dwight |
But I'm right? |
| 5853 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Michael |
Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs! |
| 5854 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Dwight |
Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave? |
| 5855 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Michael |
I do. Both of them. |
| 5856 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Dwight |
Could I have a copy of one of them? |
| 5857 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
962 |
Michael |
No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this. |
| 5858 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
963 |
Michael |
Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars! |
| 5859 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
963 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 5860 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
963 |
Michael |
Congratulations. |
| 5861 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
963 |
Phyllis |
Unbelievable. |
| 5862 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
964 |
Michael |
You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them. |
| 5863 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
964 |
Dwight |
That is so great about the bonus! |
| 5864 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
964 |
Michael |
No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience. |
| 5865 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Stanley |
Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she... |
| 5866 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Phyllis |
It's unbelievable! |
| 5867 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Dwight |
Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured. |
| 5868 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Pam |
Do we know anyone who was in the accident? |
| 5869 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Dwight |
Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses. |
| 5870 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Stanley |
Why would this affect our bonuses? |
| 5871 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Dwight |
They are unrelated. |
| 5872 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Kelly |
Is Brad okay? |
| 5873 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Dwight |
He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing. |
| 5874 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Oscar |
What the hell is going on here? |
| 5875 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Angela |
Are we out of jobs? |
| 5876 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 5877 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Kelly |
This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston. |
| 5878 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Michael |
He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible. |
| 5879 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Stanley |
Michael? |
| 5880 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 5881 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Stanley |
You said we were getting bonuses. |
| 5882 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Michael |
All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it. |
| 5883 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
965 |
Stanley |
Cancel wallpaper. |
| 5884 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Michael |
As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. You saw the plaque, right? All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking. |
| 5885 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Pam |
You mean Toastmasters? |
| 5886 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Michael |
Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast. |
| 5887 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Pam |
Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... Have you ever been to a wedding? |
| 5888 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
Can I go? |
| 5889 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Michael |
Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative. |
| 5890 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions? |
| 5891 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Kevin |
You should go to Hedonism. |
| 5892 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
What is that? |
| 5893 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Kevin |
It's like Club Med, but everything is naked. |
| 5894 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
I was thinking more like Europe. Or something like that. But, good second choice. |
| 5895 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Toby |
Been to Amsterdam. |
| 5896 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Michael |
Oh ho hokay. You know what? That's not a toast. You're not standing up. |
| 5897 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Toby |
To Amsterdam. |
| 5898 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
When did you go there? |
| 5899 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Toby |
Umm... After my divorce. Yeah. |
| 5900 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
Really for like how long? |
| 5901 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Toby |
Uh, about a week. Er... .um... .maybe a month. I uh can't... |
| 5902 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Creed |
Jimmy, listen to me. You do not want to go to Amsterdam. Trust me. |
| 5903 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Jim |
Where do I want to go? |
| 5904 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
966 |
Creed |
I'd send you to Hong Kong. |
| 5905 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
967 |
Creed |
Like to say 'Hi' to my friends in China. |
| 5906 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Michael |
Okay, Dwight. Show us what you have learned today. |
| 5907 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Dwight |
Good morning, Vietnam! Okay. You know what? This isn't working. Because um I'm not nervous in front of them. They're my subordinates. |
| 5908 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Jim |
No. We're not. |
| 5909 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Dwight |
Uh, yes you are. I'm Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 5910 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Jim |
Which means absolutely nothing. |
| 5911 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Dwight |
Michael, can you explain? |
| 5912 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
968 |
Michael |
Well, it's mostly made up. So... |
| 5913 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
969 |
Michael |
Dwight is not going to do a job. It's sad. And they're expecting excellence because I did do such a good job. Two years in a row. I killed. It was amazing. |
| 5914 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
970 |
Michael |
Confidence, Dwight. |
| 5915 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
Dwight. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go? |
| 5916 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Dwight |
I can travel anywhere except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the 'Lord of the Rings' trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mount Doom. So... no... just leave me alone. |
| 5917 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
Okay. Just trying to get some advice on my trip. |
| 5918 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Dwight |
Oh please! You're not taking any trip. |
| 5919 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
You know I majored in Public Speaking in College. |
| 5920 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Dwight |
You did? |
| 5921 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
Mmmhmm. And the first thing they teach you is that you've got to be true to your self. And you are all about authority. |
| 5922 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Dwight |
Yes. I am. |
| 5923 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers. They were people of passion. So if you want to do well today, you got to do what they did. |
| 5924 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Dwight |
Which is? |
| 5925 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
971 |
Jim |
You've got to wave your arms and you've got to pound your fists. Many times. It's supposed to emphasize your point. |
| 5926 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
972 |
Jim |
Ok, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But, I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one . Originally given by Benito Mussolini. |
| 5927 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
973 |
Dwight |
I'll glance at it. |
| 5928 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
974 |
Michael |
It's time, Dwight. The grim reaper is here. |
| 5929 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
974 |
Angela |
The very best of luck to you, Dwight. |
| 5930 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
974 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Angela. |
| 5931 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
975 |
Kelly |
Why'd you pick the V.A. for the reception? |
| 5932 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
975 |
Pam |
Roy has a connection. It's nicer than you think. |
| 5933 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
975 |
Ryan |
You're inviting Jim? |
| 5934 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
975 |
Pam |
Of course. He's one of my closest friends. |
| 5935 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
976 |
Michael |
All right. You ready? Here we go! Wow. It's a little bit bigger than I remember. Come on. We're down here. Right. |
| 5936 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
977 |
Overhead |
You all ready for this? |
| 5937 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
978 |
Angela |
I am just feeling under the weather. And... I think that I will go home and rest. |
| 5938 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
978 |
Kevin |
I've never, ever seen you take a sick day. |
| 5939 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
978 |
Angela |
Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us. |
| 5940 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Speaker |
Next, I'd like to introduce the Dunder Mifflin Salesman of the Year, Dwight Schrute! |
| 5941 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Michael |
Dwight, they called your name. |
| 5942 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Speaker |
Dwight, how we doing? |
| 5943 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Dwight |
No, I can't... I ca... |
| 5944 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Michael |
All right. You know what? Okay. No. No problem. You are lucky you have me here. I'm going to cover for you. All right! |
| 5945 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
979 |
Michael |
Gooood morning, Vietnaaaam! I am not Dwight Schrute. Not at all. I am Michael Scott, his mentor and boss. And until Dwight comes up, if he ever does, I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that nature. And one would be humor. What is the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman? |
| 5946 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
980 |
Kevin |
I always set it at 69. |
| 5947 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Pam |
Maybe we'll use a DJ. That's the one thing Roy's in charge of for this wedding but all he's managed to do is set a date. |
| 5948 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Kelly |
But he did a great job. June 10th is perfect. I want a June wedding. I've always wanted one. Ryan, do you know when you would want to get married? |
| 5949 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Ryan |
Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married. |
| 5950 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Kelly |
Oh. |
| 5951 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Pam |
Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you and comments like that, they just... |
| 5952 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
981 |
Ryan |
I know what I said. |
| 5953 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
982 |
Michael |
I'm very sorry. I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought you were speaking abnormally. ...And now the black guy from the 'Police Academy' movies. A robot. Michael Winslow, anyone? |
| 5954 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Michael |
Car starting. All right, Dwight Schrute everyone. |
| 5955 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Michael |
Good luck. That is a tough crowd. |
| 5956 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Dwight |
Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day. how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime's struggle . A never-ending fight. I say to you and you'll understand that it is a privilege to fight! |
| 5957 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Dwight |
WE ARE WARRIORS! |
| 5958 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Dwight |
Salesman of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour! |
| 5959 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
983 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Yes! |
| 5960 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
984 |
Oscar |
I've got a time share in Key West that might be available. |
| 5961 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
984 |
Jim |
Maybe. Thanks. |
| 5962 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
984 |
Ryan |
You really think you're going to go? |
| 5963 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
984 |
Jim |
Yeah. I'm definitely going. |
| 5964 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
984 |
Ryan |
Nice. Send me a postcard. |
| 5965 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
985 |
Ryan |
Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich everyday for lunch. I don't know. If I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia. |
| 5966 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
986 |
Dwight |
No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. |
| 5967 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
986 |
Dwight |
Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty - to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is... |
| 5968 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
986 |
Crowd |
Together that we prevail! |
| 5969 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
Australia? I have always wanted to go there? |
| 5970 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor. But, other than that... um, yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable. |
| 5971 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
That's awesome. Where are you staying? |
| 5972 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details but... |
| 5973 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
When are you leaving? |
| 5974 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
I'm... leaving on June 8th. |
| 5975 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 5976 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
Yeah. And I'm really sorry about that, I just... |
| 5977 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
Oh yeah. That's too bad. |
| 5978 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
Yeah. Do you want me to take these on my way out? |
| 5979 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Pam |
It's ok. I got it. |
| 5980 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
987 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 5981 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Dwight |
Ok, thanks. There you are. What happened? |
| 5982 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Michael |
I got thirsty. How'd it go? |
| 5983 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Dwight |
It was amazing. I wish you would have been there. |
| 5984 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Michael |
You would not believe what happened here. |
| 5985 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Dwight |
What? Something happened? |
| 5986 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Michael |
Oh! This woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID which I thought was odd because I pegged her at like 35. |
| 5987 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Dwight |
Weird. |
| 5988 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Michael |
Yeah, it was weird. So, she was like 'I don't have my ID, please give me one.' And he was like 'I can't do that. I can't serve you.' |
| 5989 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Dwight |
Con artist. |
| 5990 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
988 |
Michael |
She might have been. So she says 'Fine. I will go to my room. I will get my purse. I will come back. I'll show you my ID.' She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in her room drinking from the mini-bar! Right? |
| 5991 |
2 |
17 |
Dwight's Speech |
989 |
Michael |
Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories. So, I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys? |
| 5992 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
990 |
Pam |
I'm looking forward to 'Take Your Daughter to Work' day. I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better. Because I'm getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel. |
| 5993 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Jim |
Bribery. Nice. |
| 5994 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Pam |
Oh, I have more. |
| 5995 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Michael |
Pam. Ms. Beasley if yer nastay! Janet Jackson. Hey! You having a wardrobe malfunction there? Or w--- |
| 5996 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. You can't be nasty today. 'Cause of the... |
| 5997 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Michael |
... Oh, God is that today? |
| 5998 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
991 |
Pam |
I reminded you last night. |
| 5999 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
992 |
Michael |
Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R rated, it is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in "Raw," and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in "Daddy Daycare." both great movies, but, still. |
| 6000 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Michael |
Well, I'll be in my office. |
| 6001 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Pam |
Don't you think you should say something? |
| 6002 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Michael |
They're cool. |
| 6003 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Pam |
Michael, I think that as the boss you should really--- |
| 6004 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Michael |
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and... I... am in charge of this place... ahh, what'll make you... understand... I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City. |
| 6005 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Jim, Dwight |
That's Batman. |
| 6006 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Michael |
Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys? |
| 6007 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Jim |
The ocean. |
| 6008 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
993 |
Michael |
I work with a bunch of nerds. |
| 6009 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
994 |
Dwight |
Mmm... hello tiny one. |
| 6010 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
994 |
Toby |
Come on. |
| 6011 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
994 |
Dwight |
You are the future! |
| 6012 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
995 |
Kevin |
This... is my file cabinet. Uhm... oh. This... is the partition... between my desk... and Angela's. |
| 6013 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
996 |
Kevin |
Abby's my fiancee Stacy's daughter, I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. ...Actually, I'd better go check. |
| 6014 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Stanley |
Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa. |
| 6015 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Michael |
Oh, yes, hello, how are you? Good to see you. Wow, you've really grown up. You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she is turning into a stone cold fox. Better keep the... frat boys away from her. |
| 6016 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Melissa |
I'm in eighth grade. |
| 6017 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 6018 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Stanley |
She's in middle school. |
| 6019 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
997 |
Michael |
Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time. |
| 6020 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
998 |
Michael |
It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle. |
| 6021 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
999 |
Michael |
They want how many spiral pads? |
| 6022 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
999 |
Meredith |
Um, fif--well, fifty... I... over ordered because they had a back order. |
| 6023 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
999 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 6024 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1000 |
Meredith |
I got permission to bring Jake into work, which is great because he got suspended this week and now I don't have to pay for a sitter. |
| 6025 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Angela |
Can you put that down there? |
| 6026 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Kelly |
Yep. |
| 6027 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Toby |
Okay, tell them what you wanted to say. |
| 6028 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Sasha |
Do you need any help? |
| 6029 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Angela |
No. Thanks. We'd... have to explain everything, it's probably just easier if we do it ourselves. |
| 6030 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Toby |
Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh... let's go draw. |
| 6031 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela? |
| 6032 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Angela |
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys. |
| 6033 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1001 |
Kelly |
God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies! |
| 6034 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1002 |
Ryan |
Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun, and, I'm learning that fun for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me. |
| 6035 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1003 |
Michael |
Just compare last year's order to this year's. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. ... Yes. We--yeah, they're very--they're different. Yeah, we can stick with last year's, you're just going to have to supplement it, somehow. |
| 6036 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1004 |
Pam |
Hey, Abby! Do you want to help me shred some old documents? It's actually pretty cool. |
| 6037 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1004 |
Abby |
No thanks. |
| 6038 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1005 |
Pam |
I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one. |
| 6039 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
What are you reading? |
| 6040 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. |
| 6041 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Aww, best book? |
| 6042 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Yeah, but I've read it before. |
| 6043 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Pfft. So have I. Hey, question. If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be? |
| 6044 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Definitely the Aquarium. |
| 6045 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. ...You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause, I'm kind of swamped. |
| 6046 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Sure. |
| 6047 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 6048 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Mmhmm! |
| 6049 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Yesss. And you're Abby, right? |
| 6050 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Yeah. |
| 6051 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
I'm Jim. Annnnd... let's sell some paper. |
| 6052 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Abby |
Alright. |
| 6053 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1006 |
Jim |
Let's start with... your mom. |
| 6054 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Michael |
Yes. Well... we can... uhm... hey, uh, you know what? Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. Yes, I promise. ...Hello, can I help you? ... You can pick that up, if you want. That's--- that's alright. Want to bring it over... here, make some room. My name's Michael. What's your name? |
| 6055 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Sasha |
Sasha. |
| 6056 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Michael |
Nice to meet you. |
| 6057 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Sasha |
Ooh! |
| 6058 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Michael |
Oh, you know what that is! That is a train whistle, like I'm the conductor. But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here, right? You want to try? |
| 6059 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Sasha |
Sure. |
| 6060 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1007 |
Michael |
All aboard for sales! Next stop, Cu...camonga! |
| 6061 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jim |
Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand. |
| 6062 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
There is no way that hurt. |
| 6063 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jim |
Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight. |
| 6064 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand. Come on, I don't have all day. I don't feel anything. Nothing. You're so weak. Uh, excuse me, these are expensive collector's items, okay? |
| 6065 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jake |
Do you have any computer games? |
| 6066 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate. |
| 6067 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jake |
Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here. |
| 6068 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful. |
| 6069 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jake |
Whatever, okay? |
| 6070 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
You can refer to me as Mister Schrute. |
| 6071 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jake |
That's your name? Mister Poop? |
| 6072 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
Schrute. Mister Schrute. |
| 6073 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Jake |
Sure, Mister Poop. |
| 6074 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1008 |
Dwight |
... Schrute. |
| 6075 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1009 |
Sasha |
Are you Mother Goose? |
| 6076 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Melissa |
I drink like, a hundred Ice Macchiatos a day, and practically nothing else. |
| 6077 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Ryan |
Wow. |
| 6078 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Melissa |
There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters, at the Steamtown Mall. Ever been there? |
| 6079 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 6080 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Ryan |
Uhm... |
| 6081 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1010 |
Melissa |
Come on! You have an email address? |
| 6082 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1011 |
Kelly |
...that I thought you should know ... |
| 6083 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1011 |
Stanley |
Mmhmm. What? |
| 6084 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1011 |
Kelly |
I think something a little fishy is going on. |
| 6085 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1011 |
Stanley |
A little fishy? |
| 6086 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1011 |
Kelly |
Yeah. I mean, I've been noticing them all day, I was thinking that maybe ... |
| 6087 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1012 |
Stanley |
That little girl is a child! I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?! |
| 6088 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1012 |
Ryan |
Yes, I-- |
| 6089 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1012 |
Stanley |
Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child! |
| 6090 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1012 |
Ryan |
Okay. |
| 6091 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1013 |
Ryan |
Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. |
| 6092 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat... a book my Grandmutter used to read me when I was a kid. This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from 1864. The great tall tailor always comes to little girls that suck their thumbs--- are you listening, Sasha? Right? And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off! |
| 6093 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Dwight! Dwight! |
| 6094 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
There's a photo... |
| 6095 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
What the hell are you reading to them? |
| 6096 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these--- |
| 6097 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Yeah, you know what? No, no no no no. They, no. The kids don't want to hear some wierdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandmother gave you. |
| 6098 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Sasha |
What's a Nazi? |
| 6099 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
What's a Nazi? |
| 6100 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
Nazi was a fascist movement... |
| 6101 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Don't! |
| 6102 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
...from the 1930's... |
| 6103 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Don't! Don't! Don't talk about Nazis in front of--- you know what? They're going to have nightmares, so why don't you just shut it? |
| 6104 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls. |
| 6105 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Why don't you just leave? Okay? |
| 6106 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Dwight |
...Okay. |
| 6107 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Jake |
Bye, Mister Poop. |
| 6108 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
Michael |
Alright. There goes Mister Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook? |
| 6109 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1014 |
The Kids |
I do, I do! |
| 6110 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1015 |
Michael |
Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth, and out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool. |
| 6111 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1016 |
Angela |
You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities . |
| 6112 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
This is where the magic happens! Right over here, let me show you this. See all these? You know what that is? That's paper. This is where paper comes from. Any questions? |
| 6113 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Melissa |
So... you cut the paper and dye it and stuff. |
| 6114 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question. The paper is sent to us cut, and dyed, from a paper manufacturer, and then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it. |
| 6115 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Abby |
That's not fair. |
| 6116 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
Yes it is, well, w-w--you need someone in the middle to facilitate... |
| 6117 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Jake |
You're just a middleman. |
| 6118 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
I'm not just a middle... man... |
| 6119 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Melissa |
Wait, why doesn't the saw mill just sell paper directly to people? |
| 6120 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
You are describing Office Depot, and they're kind of running us out of business. |
| 6121 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Dwight |
We have better service than they do! |
| 6122 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
...There's Creed! Let's take a look at what he's doing, everybody! This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something. Right? |
| 6123 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Creed |
That is correct. |
| 6124 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
Say hi to the kids. |
| 6125 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Creed |
Hi kids. |
| 6126 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
Yaaaaay. |
| 6127 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Creed |
Have you ever seen a foot with four toes? |
| 6128 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Kids |
Ewwww! |
| 6129 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
What are you doing? N--stop it! Stop it! Just--no, no, no, no! No! Would you cut it out?! What is your problem? |
| 6130 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Creed |
Th-the hair covers it, mostly. |
| 6131 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1017 |
Michael |
No no no, we're not gonna see--- we're not gonna see the four toed... Creed, okay? |
| 6132 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
You know, there's something interesting about me you might want to know. I ... used to be ... the star of a kids show. |
| 6133 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Kids |
No way. |
| 6134 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
It's true. I did. |
| 6135 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Melissa |
You serious? |
| 6136 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Jake |
Really? |
| 6137 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
I am totally serious. There was a show called 'Fundle Bundle' and I was the star. |
| 6138 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Abby |
That doesn't sound like a show. |
| 6139 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Melissa |
What?! |
| 6140 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
It's true! I can prove it! I can prove it, watch this. Ryan, can you come here a second? I would like you to go to my mother's house in Dickson city, and if she is in the pool, the back kitchen window should be unlocked, I want you to boost yourself up, I want you to go down to the basement. In the basement is a tape labeled 'Fundle Bundle'. I want you to grab it, I want you to get my guitar. |
| 6141 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Ryan |
Right. Okay. |
| 6142 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
I want you to get the tambourine. Do you know how to play the tambourine? |
| 6143 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Ryan |
Um, I'm already getting the pizzas from Bernetti's, so... |
| 6144 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Melissa |
You know, I can go with him. |
| 6145 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
Oka-- |
| 6146 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Ryan |
No! I will... go. |
| 6147 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1018 |
Michael |
Okay! Thank you Ryan. Good attitude, hottest in the office. |
| 6148 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1019 |
Michael |
Alright, nowwww... what kind... of pizza do you like? |
| 6149 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1020 |
Michael |
I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives... They're adults, for God's sake. |
| 6150 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan? |
| 6151 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Miss Trudy |
...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? Let's have some fun! |
| 6152 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to... |
| 6153 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Dwight |
Is that a real fun shooting windmill? |
| 6154 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Stop! Stop! Stop! Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow. |
| 6155 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Jim |
That's pretty funny. |
| 6156 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 6157 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
...Recess! Hey, what's your name? |
| 6158 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Chet |
My name's Chet. |
| 6159 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
Well hi Chet. |
| 6160 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Oscar |
Is that Chet Montgomery? |
| 6161 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Uhh, I don't know. |
| 6162 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Pam |
That is! |
| 6163 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Darryl |
Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up. |
| 6164 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
What do you want to be when you grow up? |
| 6165 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Chet |
I want to be on TV! |
| 6166 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it. |
| 6167 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
Okay, next? So, whats your name? |
| 6168 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh. |
| 6169 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
Well what's your favorite subject at school? |
| 6170 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Young Michael |
Recess. |
| 6171 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up? |
| 6172 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Young Michael |
I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend. |
| 6173 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Edward R. Meow |
Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy! |
| 6174 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Miss Trudy |
Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day. |
| 6175 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Coulda sworn there was... |
| 6176 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Melissa |
Did you get married? |
| 6177 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
...uh, no. |
| 6178 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Abby |
Why not? |
| 6179 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Uh, just never happened. |
| 6180 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Sasha |
So, do you have any kids? |
| 6181 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Uh, nope. |
| 6182 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Jake |
Do you have a girlfriend? |
| 6183 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
I do okay. |
| 6184 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Melissa |
Was Chet Montgomery cool back then? |
| 6185 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 6186 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Jake |
Even I have a girlfriend. |
| 6187 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
Okay! Alright, okay. |
| 6188 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Sasha |
So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be. |
| 6189 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1021 |
Michael |
...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye. |
| 6190 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1022 |
Pam |
He's not coming out. He won't pick up the phone. |
| 6191 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1022 |
Jim |
Can't believe his mom dressed him like that, that's the real tragedy. |
| 6192 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1022 |
Roy |
Pam! Pam! I love this guy! Come on! |
| 6193 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1023 |
Melissa |
Who? Terry? |
| 6194 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1023 |
Pam |
Mmhmm. |
| 6195 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1023 |
Melissa |
That woman is not my mother. That is my step-mother. |
| 6196 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1024 |
Jake |
Mister Poop, I have to tell you something. |
| 6197 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1024 |
Dwight |
Uh, okay. But first, that's not my name. |
| 6198 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1024 |
Jake |
You're ugly. |
| 6199 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1024 |
Dwight |
Well at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. So... |
| 6200 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1024 |
Jake |
Meredith! |
| 6201 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 6202 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Toby |
I think these belong to you. |
| 6203 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Michael |
Oh, that's okay, she can keep those. |
| 6204 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Toby |
Believe me, she has enough toys... she doesn't need your watch. |
| 6205 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 6206 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Toby |
Is everything okay? |
| 6207 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Michael |
You have to ask me that because you work for human resources. |
| 6208 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1025 |
Toby |
Uh... it's true... |
| 6209 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
Well, sure, playing the field is great, don't get me wrong, but there's more to life than notches just on my bedpost. |
| 6210 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
Mmhmm. |
| 6211 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
Tell me something honestly, do you... think... that it is too late for me to have kids? |
| 6212 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
Well, you need a wife first, or at least a girlfriend. |
| 6213 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
What about... |
| 6214 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
Not Jan. |
| 6215 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
...Jan. Kay. |
| 6216 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
If you really want to have kids, I--- I guess you could somehow... foster parent, or something. |
| 6217 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
...Or biologically. |
| 6218 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
Somehow. |
| 6219 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
Thanks, that's, no, that... that really means a lot to me. Hey, does Sasha have a godfather, because I... |
| 6220 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 6221 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1026 |
Michael |
Oh... kay. |
| 6222 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
Is it okay if I take one? |
| 6223 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 6224 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
Thank you. |
| 6225 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
You're welcome. |
| 6226 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
Is your job hard? |
| 6227 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
It's not too bad. I get to shred things sometimes, do you want to see? |
| 6228 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
Yeah! |
| 6229 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 6230 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
Yeah. |
| 6231 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
Okay. Um... here it is. Don't put your fingers in there. Cool huh? |
| 6232 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
That's so cool, yeah! |
| 6233 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
Yeah, I get to do this like, every week. |
| 6234 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Jake |
That's so awesome! |
| 6235 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1027 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 6236 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1028 |
Michael |
Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And... I have a great one . Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at. |
| 6237 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Kevin |
Go ahead. |
| 6238 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Abby |
Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? |
| 6239 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Jim |
Ohh, man, I would love to! I can't tonight, but can I come over some other time? |
| 6240 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Kevin |
What're you doing? You never have plans. |
| 6241 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Jim |
Thanks, Kev. Uhm... I'm actually going on a date. |
| 6242 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Kevin |
Niiice. |
| 6243 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Michael |
Hey, uh, no, please? You can't leave yet. There's still one more thing we need to do. |
| 6244 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Michael |
You... who are on the road... must have a code... that you can live by... and so... become yourself... because the past... is just a goodbye... and teach... your children well... |
| 6245 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Jim |
Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play? |
| 6246 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Pam |
I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer. |
| 6247 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Michael, Dwight |
...did slowly go by... and feed... them on your dreams... |
| 6248 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Pam |
My theory is that... |
| 6249 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Michael, Dwight |
...The one they picked... the one you'll know by... don't you ever ask them why... if I told you would cry... you never look at them and sigh... and know they love you... |
| 6250 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Dwight |
And they do, your parents, love you very much. |
| 6251 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1029 |
Michael |
One more time. You... |
| 6252 |
2 |
18 |
Take Your Daughter to Work Day |
1030 |
Dwight |
The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children, so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood. They didn't eat the children. |
| 6253 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
So, Phil recruited me to sell these cards, and now I am recruiting you. |
| 6254 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Oscar |
Who is this guy again? |
| 6255 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves. |
| 6256 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Ryan |
Who uses calling cards anymore? |
| 6257 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend. |
| 6258 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Oscar |
This sounds like a get rich quick scheme. |
| 6259 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will! |
| 6260 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Toby |
Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email? |
| 6261 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. Alright. |
| 6262 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Jim |
No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme? |
| 6263 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1031 |
Michael |
Alright, let me explain. Again. Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... ... I have to go make a call. |
| 6264 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1032 |
Pam |
Happy birthday Michael. |
| 6265 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1032 |
Michael |
Oh ho ho! What? |
| 6266 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1032 |
Pam |
I said happy birthday. |
| 6267 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1032 |
Michael |
Thank you! That's really nice. |
| 6268 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1033 |
Michael |
What's up? |
| 6269 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1033 |
Jim |
Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday. |
| 6270 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1033 |
Michael |
Ah, thank you sir. |
| 6271 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1034 |
Meredith |
Did you hear anything yet? |
| 6272 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1034 |
Kevin |
No. I'm still waiting. |
| 6273 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 6274 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Yes. There he is, the birthday boy! |
| 6275 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Ohh, god. |
| 6276 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Birthday hug! |
| 6277 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
No no no, no, new suit, please. |
| 6278 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
That suit is amazing. |
| 6279 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually--- no, Bulgaria. |
| 6280 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Mmm. Maybe I should get one. |
| 6281 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Good luck. One of a kind. |
| 6282 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Ebay. Hm. Question! May I be in charge of the party planning festivities? |
| 6283 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday. |
| 6284 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Excellent. On my part, I did manage to reserve the... |
| 6285 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise. |
| 6286 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Dwight |
Let's get the party started. |
| 6287 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1035 |
Michael |
Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you! |
| 6288 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Phyllis |
When should we bring out the cake, one or one thirty? |
| 6289 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Pam |
One's good. |
| 6290 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Angela |
One thirty. I'm sorry, are we boring you? |
| 6291 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Dwight |
Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority. |
| 6292 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Phyllis |
Where do we get those? |
| 6293 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Dwight |
Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by. |
| 6294 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Pam |
Michael wants a strippergram? |
| 6295 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Dwight |
Yes, but he doesn't want to know when, or whom. |
| 6296 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1036 |
Angela |
No. This is a closed door meeting. |
| 6297 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 6298 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Pam |
Michael, I have Jan on the line. |
| 6299 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Oh, great, put her through. |
| 6300 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Jan |
Hello, Michael. |
| 6301 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Hey, you. |
| 6302 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Jan |
I'm... returning your call, you said it was urgent. |
| 6303 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday. |
| 6304 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Jan |
Well, today's not my birthday, so... |
| 6305 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday. |
| 6306 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Jan |
...Happy birthday, Michael. |
| 6307 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Thanks. |
| 6308 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Jan |
Am I on camera? |
| 6309 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart. |
| 6310 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1037 |
Michael |
...You can take a five, if you want. |
| 6311 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1038 |
Michael |
Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday! |
| 6312 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1038 |
Stanley |
Mmhmm, happy birthday. |
| 6313 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1038 |
Michael |
Thanks. |
| 6314 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Jim |
Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out? |
| 6315 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Kevin |
They said this afternoon. They're waiting on a second opinion. |
| 6316 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Jim |
Oh, okay. |
| 6317 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Kelly |
Second opinion on what? |
| 6318 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Kevin |
Um, I might have skin cancer. |
| 6319 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1039 |
Jim |
Kelly, you know what... |
| 6320 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1040 |
Kelly |
I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's. |
| 6321 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Toby |
Who brought in donuts? |
| 6322 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Michael |
Somebody got donuts for my birthday! |
| 6323 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Toby |
Happy birthday! |
| 6324 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Michael |
You didn't know it was my birthday. |
| 6325 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Toby |
I... guess I forgot. |
| 6326 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Michael |
Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut . |
| 6327 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Toby |
Are you serious? |
| 6328 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1041 |
Michael |
Mmm. |
| 6329 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1042 |
Oscar |
Skin cancer is treatable. |
| 6330 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1042 |
Kevin |
Right. |
| 6331 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1042 |
Oscar |
It's going to be okay. |
| 6332 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1042 |
Angela |
You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ...It's probably nothing, though. |
| 6333 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Delivery Woman |
Hi, delivery for Michael Scott. |
| 6334 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Michael |
Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright? |
| 6335 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Delivery Woman |
Uh... s-sure. |
| 6336 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Michael |
Okay. I'm so nervous. |
| 6337 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Pam |
I can sign for it. |
| 6338 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1043 |
Delivery Woman |
Oh. Thanks. |
| 6339 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1044 |
Michael |
When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday. |
| 6340 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1045 |
Michael |
Stop it. Stop! What is that? |
| 6341 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1045 |
Dwight |
It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's you favorite song. |
| 6342 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1045 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything. |
| 6343 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1045 |
Dwight |
I probably care more than she does. |
| 6344 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1045 |
Michael |
You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this . |
| 6345 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1046 |
Pam |
When does he hear? |
| 6346 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1046 |
Jim |
Sometime today. |
| 6347 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1046 |
Pam |
Ohh... poor Kevin. |
| 6348 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1047 |
Pam |
If I knew I had a week to live, I would... probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And... I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. ...It would be a pretty busy week. |
| 6349 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
Uh, that's a list price of four dollars and fifty cents. Unfortunately, this item is on back... order... Michael! Michael! Michael Michael Michael! Come here, come here, come here! Come here! |
| 6350 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
What? |
| 6351 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
Listen up everyone! It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal, so... huh?! Right, have a seat. Please. |
| 6352 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Ohhh, God. |
| 6353 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair. |
| 6354 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Ohhh, no. |
| 6355 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
So come help me celebrate Michael's birth moment. Kevin! |
| 6356 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Oscar |
...I'll do it. |
| 6357 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this. |
| 6358 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
Creed! Come on. Stanley! |
| 6359 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Pam |
...I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here? |
| 6360 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Jim |
Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and... |
| 6361 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
On three, we're going to hoist away! Ready? |
| 6362 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 6363 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
Happy birth moment, Michael. |
| 6364 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 6365 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
One. Two. Three! |
| 6366 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Michael |
Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please. |
| 6367 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Dwight |
Oscar... |
| 6368 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1048 |
Oscar |
It wasn't me. |
| 6369 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1049 |
Delivery Boy |
Uh, we don't make an eight foot sub. This is eight one foot subs. |
| 6370 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1049 |
Dwight |
F. Alright, what's the damage? |
| 6371 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1049 |
Delivery Boy |
Uh, thirty-nine sixty. |
| 6372 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1049 |
Dwight |
Thirty nine... sixty. |
| 6373 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1050 |
Dwight |
Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones. |
| 6374 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Dwight |
Here they come. |
| 6375 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Get in here... everybody. |
| 6376 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Dwight |
Come and get it! |
| 6377 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Birthday party subs! My gift to you. |
| 6378 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Oscar |
What is this? |
| 6379 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Dwight |
Uh, bologna, tomato and ketchup. |
| 6380 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
The best. |
| 6381 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Stanley |
These are all the same? |
| 6382 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 6383 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Angela |
Bologna? I don't eat bologna. |
| 6384 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good. |
| 6385 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Angela |
No. |
| 6386 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Just the bread, it's fresh baked. |
| 6387 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Angela |
No. |
| 6388 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1051 |
Michael |
Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. And choke on it. |
| 6389 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1052 |
Jim |
So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back. |
| 6390 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1052 |
Pam |
Sixty-nine cup of noodles. |
| 6391 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1052 |
Jim |
Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number. |
| 6392 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1052 |
Pam |
And his favorite lunch. |
| 6393 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
Hey temp, you know uh, we still got five feet of sandwich left . |
| 6394 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Ryan |
Someone ate three feet of that thing? |
| 6395 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
Hell, yeah. Save room for ice cream cake. |
| 6396 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Angela |
Oh. Thank you. |
| 6397 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
Oh. I got it. |
| 6398 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Angela |
What are--- it's... the party planning committee. |
| 6399 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything. |
| 6400 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Angela |
Fine. |
| 6401 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
What about that meeting... later... to discuss finances? |
| 6402 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Angela |
Yes... but don't expect any cookie. |
| 6403 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1053 |
Dwight |
But what if i'm hungry? |
| 6404 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1054 |
Jim |
...What? |
| 6405 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1054 |
Pam |
You use fabric softener? |
| 6406 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1054 |
Jim |
Yeah, you don't? |
| 6407 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1054 |
Pam |
No, I do. |
| 6408 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1054 |
Jim |
...Okay. |
| 6409 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Office Staff |
Happy birthday dear Michael, Happy birthday... ...tooo youuuu. |
| 6410 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Kevin |
Hello? Hey. |
| 6411 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
Kevin? Respect the birthday please. |
| 6412 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Kevin |
No, um, no not yet. I will. Bye. It was just Stacy. |
| 6413 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
Are you done? ...Good. Okay. |
| 6414 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Dwight |
Here we go. Make a wish. |
| 6415 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm... |
| 6416 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Dwight |
Yaoo yay! |
| 6417 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
... I asked for trick candles. |
| 6418 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Dwight |
Pam was supposed to get 'em. |
| 6419 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day. |
| 6420 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Angela |
No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer. |
| 6421 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1055 |
Michael |
... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us . |
| 6422 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
We should probably head back. |
| 6423 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Jim |
Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement. |
| 6424 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
You dare me? How old are you? |
| 6425 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Jim |
Just... quit stalling. |
| 6426 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner. |
| 6427 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Jim |
Such a dork. |
| 6428 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
Jim Halpert? Price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you... |
| 6429 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Store Employee |
Ma'am? Please don't touch that. That is not a toy. |
| 6430 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 6431 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Jim |
How old are you? |
| 6432 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1056 |
Pam |
I hate you. |
| 6433 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Toby |
Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible. |
| 6434 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover. |
| 6435 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Kevin |
Still scary. |
| 6436 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is. |
| 6437 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Kevin |
Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine. |
| 6438 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
And laughter... also. |
| 6439 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Toby |
I don't really think people are in the laughing mood. |
| 6440 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party. |
| 6441 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Toby |
I work here. |
| 6442 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
Nyeh, I work here. Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day. |
| 6443 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Kevin |
If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy. |
| 6444 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1057 |
Michael |
Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry. |
| 6445 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Dwight |
Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls. |
| 6446 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Jim |
Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael. |
| 6447 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Dwight |
Please, don't. |
| 6448 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Jim |
You... owe me. |
| 6449 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Michael |
Excuse me, everyone. Attention please. Kevin, we're going to take you to a very special place, a place that will make you happy, and a place that is far, far away from the evil sun. |
| 6450 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Stanley |
Is this trip related in any way to your... birthday? |
| 6451 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1058 |
Michael |
How dare you sir. You are gross. |
| 6452 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1059 |
Michael |
That should not be there. |
| 6453 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1059 |
Dwight |
I'll get someone to take it down. |
| 6454 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1059 |
Michael |
No, it's alright. It's already up. Just leave it. Where's Kevin? Come on! Let's get our skate on! |
| 6455 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1060 |
Kelly |
Don't be scared! You're good! You're good! |
| 6456 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1060 |
Ryan |
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. |
| 6457 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Jim |
Think you can let go? |
| 6458 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Pam |
No. |
| 6459 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Jim |
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. |
| 6460 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Dwight |
YEAH! |
| 6461 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Pam |
Who is that? |
| 6462 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1061 |
Jim |
Is that Michael? |
| 6463 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1062 |
Michael |
Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you're on the road so much. You got no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids. |
| 6464 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1063 |
Pam |
I got it. |
| 6465 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1063 |
Michael |
Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it. |
| 6466 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1063 |
Jim |
...It's something to think about. |
| 6467 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Kevin |
I can't relax about it, you know? |
| 6468 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Kevin. You heard anything yet? |
| 6469 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Kevin |
No, not yet. |
| 6470 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Okay. Well. Live strong. |
| 6471 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Kevin |
Okay, Michael. |
| 6472 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 6473 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Carol |
Michael? |
| 6474 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Yeah. Carol? She sold me my condo! Hey! What, is this place on the market? Or... |
| 6475 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Carol |
Uhh, no, I... don't just sell real estate. Uh, my daughter has a skating lesson. |
| 6476 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Oh, these... all your kids? |
| 6477 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Carol |
No just the front two. |
| 6478 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Oh, hey guys. Whats up? You wanna go for a ride? Is that okay? |
| 6479 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Carol |
Sure. |
| 6480 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1064 |
Michael |
Cool. Alright. Grab on. Here we go. Ready? Hang on tight. Alright. We are moving. We are reaaallly mooovin' now! |
| 6481 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1065 |
Michael |
Push. Good! That's great. You got it. Excuse me. |
| 6482 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1065 |
Kevin |
Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay, I will, thanks. It was negative. |
| 6483 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1065 |
Michael |
Oh... God... God! We're gonna beat this, okay? We're gonna... come here . |
| 6484 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1066 |
Michael |
Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would... be... chaos. |
| 6485 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Kevin |
This is awesome. Thanks, you guys. |
| 6486 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Michael |
Okay, who's this from? Wowwwee, look at that! Jersey! |
| 6487 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Dwight |
Turn it around. Turn it around. |
| 6488 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Michael |
Cool. Ohh. Great. From Dwight. |
| 6489 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Dwight |
Number one!! |
| 6490 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Michael |
Thank you... Dwight. That's great. Thanks. |
| 6491 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 6492 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 6493 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Pam |
This is from all of us. |
| 6494 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1067 |
Michael |
Oh! You didn't need to do that. ...Nightswept. This is... really amazing. Thank you. I love it. |
| 6495 |
2 |
19 |
Michael's Birthday |
1068 |
Pam |
Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day. |
| 6496 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1069 |
Dwight |
Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out. Spit... Okay, come on, let's go. |
| 6497 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1070 |
Jim |
You look cute today, Dwight. |
| 6498 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1070 |
Dwight |
Thanks, girl. |
| 6499 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1071 |
Dwight |
Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation. |
| 6500 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1071 |
Kevin |
Hey... |
| 6501 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1072 |
Dwight |
I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't. |
| 6502 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1073 |
Jim |
I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip. |
| 6503 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1073 |
Pam |
Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like he'll go um, that's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can. |
| 6504 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1074 |
Kelly |
And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court so I said "Is it okay if I sip it?" and they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way. |
| 6505 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1074 |
Dwight |
Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property, okay? Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is is on the line! Now I'm going to ask you again. What time did you go home last night? |
| 6506 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1074 |
Kelly |
Six. |
| 6507 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. |
| 6508 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Ryan |
I go to a lot of parties. |
| 6509 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me you keys. |
| 6510 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Ryan |
I am not giving you my keys. |
| 6511 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
Don't make me do this the hard way. |
| 6512 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Ryan |
What's the hard way? |
| 6513 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant, once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. |
| 6514 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Ryan |
Yeah, let's do it that way. |
| 6515 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow. |
| 6516 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
I can't stop this investigation. It is my job. |
| 6517 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Jim |
Whoa. You are a volunteer. |
| 6518 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
I volunteered for this job. |
| 6519 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Jim |
And that's not the same. |
| 6520 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
It is my duty... |
| 6521 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Jim |
Volunteer duty. |
| 6522 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
...to investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go and then I will reveal what I know. |
| 6523 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Narc! |
| 6524 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
If you are attempting to compliment me then you have done a very good job. |
| 6525 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
I wasn't attempting to compliment you. |
| 6526 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
Well, you have... |
| 6527 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Uuf, well... |
| 6528 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
...because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have... |
| 6529 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Okay... |
| 6530 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Dwight |
...and I am very proud of being a narc. |
| 6531 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Why don't you just cool it, cool it Dwight, please, God! Dude, where's my office? I totally lost it, 'cause I was half-baked. Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest! |
| 6532 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Jim |
Well, your office is behind you. |
| 6533 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1075 |
Michael |
Thanks. M-m-munchies. Who wants some munchies? |
| 6534 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1076 |
Ryan |
I don't think Michael's ever done drugs. I don't know if anyone has ever offered him any. |
| 6535 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1077 |
Dwight |
Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule. |
| 6536 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Dwight |
Have you ever taken any illegal drugs? |
| 6537 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Oscar |
No, I have not. |
| 6538 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Dwight |
Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it? |
| 6539 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Oscar |
What are you implying? |
| 6540 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Dwight |
Have you ever... pooped... a balloon? |
| 6541 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Oscar |
Okay. I'm done with this. |
| 6542 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1078 |
Dwight |
He sure left in a hurry. |
| 6543 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1079 |
Dwight |
I don't want to blow this. This is what all good law enforcement officers dream of. The chance to solve an actual crime. |
| 6544 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1080 |
Dwight |
Do you know what this is? |
| 6545 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1080 |
Phyllis |
Yes, it's marijuana. |
| 6546 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1080 |
Dwight |
How do you know that? |
| 6547 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1080 |
Phyllis |
It's labeled. |
| 6548 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1080 |
Dwight |
Dammit. |
| 6549 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1081 |
Creed |
That is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica. |
| 6550 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1081 |
Dwight |
No, it's marijuana. |
| 6551 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Jim |
I'm just saying that you can't be sure that is wasn't you. |
| 6552 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Dwight |
That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me. |
| 6553 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Jim |
Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. |
| 6554 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Dwight |
I would remember. |
| 6555 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Jim |
Well, how could you, if it just erased your memory? |
| 6556 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Dwight |
That's not how it works. |
| 6557 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Jim |
Now how do you know how it works? |
| 6558 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Dwight |
Knock it off, okay, I'm interviewing you. |
| 6559 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1082 |
Jim |
No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke? |
| 6560 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Oscar |
So Pam told me that you do a great Stanley impression, I'd love to hear it. |
| 6561 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Jim |
Oh, um... Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me? |
| 6562 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Stanley |
Is that supposed to be me? |
| 6563 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Jim |
Oh, hey Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression. |
| 6564 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Stanley |
I do not think that is funny. |
| 6565 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam |
He does everyone in the office. |
| 6566 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Stanley |
Hmmmpt. |
| 6567 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam, Jim |
I do not think that is funny. |
| 6568 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam |
Jinx! Buy me a coke. |
| 6569 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Jim |
Oh... |
| 6570 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam |
No, no, no, no talking. Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid. |
| 6571 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam |
Sold out? That has never happened in the history of jinx. |
| 6572 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Jim |
C'mon! |
| 6573 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1083 |
Pam |
Sorry, that's not my problem. |
| 6574 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1084 |
Dwight |
I know you're innocent, but I can't look like I'm treating you any differently. |
| 6575 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1084 |
Angela |
I understand. |
| 6576 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1084 |
Dwight |
Where were you yesterday after work? |
| 6577 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1085 |
Michael |
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who's he calling? Ratting somebody out. Narc! Narc! Kevin? |
| 6578 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1085 |
Kevin |
That is so good, Michael |
| 6579 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1085 |
Michael |
Remember the narc bit? Uh-oh, who's in trouble? |
| 6580 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1086 |
Dwight |
Attention everyone. Drug testers are coming in a couple of hours to test everyone's urine. |
| 6581 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1086 |
Michael |
Waa... what? What are you talking about? |
| 6582 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1086 |
Dwight |
Company policy. If drugs are found on the premises there is automatic drug testing conducted within twenty-four hours. |
| 6583 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1086 |
Oscar |
Is that true, Toby? |
| 6584 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1086 |
Toby |
Oh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing. |
| 6585 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1087 |
Michael |
Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act this beautiful girl sits down next to me and I never get to meet girls with lip rings and she had one. I don't know exactly how this happened but one of her friends started passing around some stuff and they said it was clove cigarettes, and I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it. |
| 6586 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1088 |
Michael |
Okay, attention everyone the drug testing has been cancelled. Instead, I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection. |
| 6587 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1088 |
Dwight |
No you can't do that. |
| 6588 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1088 |
Michael |
I can do that, it is my office. |
| 6589 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1088 |
Michael |
Hmmm. Ha. Alright. Great. |
| 6590 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1089 |
Dwight |
Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, besides Rogaine? |
| 6591 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1089 |
Kevin |
I'm not taking Rogaine. |
| 6592 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1089 |
Dwight |
Angela, what about you? |
| 6593 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1089 |
Angela |
I don't take any prescription drugs. |
| 6594 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1089 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 6595 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1090 |
Kelly |
So the first time we went out to dinner, it was like, whatever, fine, but I was so nervous. So this time I wanted to be special, so I bought a new dress! One of those kinds that is kinda low cut at top to show something, but not everything. I mean not everything, Jim. I promise, I'm not that kind of... |
| 6596 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1090 |
Pam |
Hey guys, what's going on? |
| 6597 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1090 |
Kelly |
We're having the best conversation. |
| 6598 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1090 |
Pam |
Oh, okay. Well, Michael wants to see everyone in the conference room. But you know what? We have a few minutes so you guys should definitely finish up your conversation. |
| 6599 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1090 |
Kelly |
So, I was looking so hot... |
| 6600 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Michael |
It has come to my attention that some people here think that the use of drugs is something to laugh about. |
| 6601 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Phyllis |
We don't feel that way. |
| 6602 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Angela |
No, not at all. |
| 6603 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Oscar |
You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc. |
| 6604 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Michael |
No, uh, no. That was a test. I was testing you, and you all failed. Miserably. When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him? How many of you said, "Hey, you know what, he's right? What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs." |
| 6605 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1091 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 6606 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1092 |
Michael |
I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind. |
| 6607 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a look to their left. Now I want everybody to take a look to their right. One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children. |
| 6608 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Stanley |
Where did you get these facts? |
| 6609 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Are these facts scaring you, or are they not? |
| 6610 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Stanley |
They are not. |
| 6611 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool? |
| 6612 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Stanley |
No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants. |
| 6613 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Okay, enough, enough, enough! I have written down a list of illegal drugs. Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with? |
| 6614 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Toby |
Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael. |
| 6615 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Yes it is. |
| 6616 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Toby |
No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors. |
| 6617 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair. |
| 6618 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Toby |
You can't do that. |
| 6619 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly. |
| 6620 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Toby |
That's not random. |
| 6621 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, you know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select one of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved one. Yeah, Pam. |
| 6622 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Pam |
I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs. |
| 6623 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 6624 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Pam |
Uh, hmmm. |
| 6625 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1093 |
Michael |
Jim it's okay. You can t... This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. It's okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. Oh, he's doing it, okay. It's okay. Oh. Okay, are you sure? That looked like it was going to be good. Alright. Okay, well. |
| 6626 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1094 |
Pam |
Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that. |
| 6627 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1095 |
Michael |
The point I'm trying to make with all of this people is that I hate drugs. I hate them, and based upon what I have seen you all don't quite hate 'em as much as I do so you are going to have a drug test, and I am not. |
| 6628 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1095 |
Dwight |
No, you will be tested. |
| 6629 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1095 |
Michael |
Yes, I will not be. |
| 6630 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1095 |
Dwight |
You will be. That is the law according to the rules. |
| 6631 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1095 |
Michael |
Okay, well Dwight just know that I've been very busy today and I got a lot of work to do and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay? So good. Thank you. |
| 6632 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1096 |
Dwight |
Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy. |
| 6633 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1096 |
Linda |
We test a lot of urine. |
| 6634 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1096 |
Dwight |
Mine was green. |
| 6635 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1096 |
Linda |
Oh, right. How are you? |
| 6636 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1096 |
Dwight |
I'm all better. |
| 6637 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
So I need you to do some work on the St. Andrews account. I need your urine. I need some filing done. |
| 6638 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
What kind of filing? |
| 6639 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
Just forget it. Just the urine. |
| 6640 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
That goes directly to the tester. |
| 6641 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
Just. I need your urine. |
| 6642 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
Like in a cup? |
| 6643 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
Yes in a cup, we're not animals, Dwight. |
| 6644 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
For what purpose? |
| 6645 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
It's none of your business. |
| 6646 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
Then I refuse. |
| 6647 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
Okay. Alright. Just, I went to an Alicia Keys concert, over the weekend, and I think I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring. |
| 6648 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
Are you serious? |
| 6649 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
I need clean urine for the lady. |
| 6650 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
But that's illegal. |
| 6651 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
Don't think of it that way. It's like, urine goes all over the place. You know, there's no controlling it. It just... goes |
| 6652 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
Not my urine. |
| 6653 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens. |
| 6654 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Dwight |
Were you forced to do drugs at this concert? |
| 6655 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1097 |
Michael |
No, just look. Look. Just... just fill up the cup. |
| 6656 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1098 |
Angela |
Do you want to give Michael your urine? |
| 6657 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1098 |
Dwight |
I want him to have all the urine he needs. |
| 6658 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1098 |
Angela |
You're not going to get my permission on this. |
| 6659 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1098 |
Dwight |
I know that. Don't you think I know that? |
| 6660 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1099 |
Linda |
Yeah, we do testing all over the country. |
| 6661 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1099 |
Ryan |
Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring? |
| 6662 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1099 |
Linda |
You want to work at the urinalysis lab? |
| 6663 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1099 |
Ryan |
Yeah. Maybe. |
| 6664 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1100 |
Dwight |
My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish. I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make us biscuits with gravy. When I was little my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot but I never busted him on it. I would have, except I didn't know about it. He didn't tell me till years later. I was shocked when I found out. |
| 6665 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1101 |
Pam |
What? Did you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything. |
| 6666 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1102 |
Kevin |
I'd like a magazine. |
| 6667 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1102 |
Linda |
We just need urine, sir. |
| 6668 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1102 |
Kevin |
I'd still like one. |
| 6669 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Michael |
Dwight. Well, I passed the test thanks to you and your untainted pee. Thank you very much. |
| 6670 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Dwight |
That's great. |
| 6671 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Michael |
What's wrong? Where's your costume? |
| 6672 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Dwight |
It's a uniform and I turned it in today when I tendered my resignation. |
| 6673 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Michael |
Why? Wha... |
| 6674 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1103 |
Dwight |
I took an oath when I was sworn in and I broke that oath today. |
| 6675 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1104 |
Pam |
Here. Just buy it from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird and I really want to know what the hell's going on with Dwight. |
| 6676 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1104 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 6677 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1104 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 6678 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1104 |
Jim |
How much time do you have left on your break? |
| 6679 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1104 |
Pam |
Ten minutes. |
| 6680 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
Since you did such a good job with the investigation, I decided to pull a few strings. Call in a few favors. and I've decided to make you official security supervisor of the branch. |
| 6681 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 6682 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
Yes, sir. |
| 6683 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
That's fantastic because I've always felt that the security here sucked . |
| 6684 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
So you wanna? Thanks. |
| 6685 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Hank |
Dwight K. Schrute, I hereby declare you an honorary voluntary corporal in charge of assisting all activities security. |
| 6686 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 6687 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Hank |
Here's your badge. |
| 6688 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Michael. Very nice. Great. Can I have a gun? |
| 6689 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Hank |
No, I don't have a gun. |
| 6690 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'll have to bring in my bow staff. |
| 6691 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Hank |
I don't think so. |
| 6692 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
Good. |
| 6693 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 6694 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
No. Oh. Uh... |
| 6695 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
I need to go over some details with you. |
| 6696 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Michael |
Alright. Well, Thank you. |
| 6697 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
First of all, Hank, how many orange traffic cones do you have? |
| 6698 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Hank |
Two. |
| 6699 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1105 |
Dwight |
Oh, God. |
| 6700 |
2 |
20 |
Drug Testing |
1106 |
Jim |
Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship? |
| 6701 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1107 |
Kevin |
So, uh... you found a band for your wedding yet? |
| 6702 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1107 |
Pam |
No. |
| 6703 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1107 |
Kevin |
'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock. |
| 6704 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1108 |
Jim |
Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out. |
| 6705 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Phyllis |
Oh I got the 'Save The Date'. |
| 6706 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 6707 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, pretty stationery. |
| 6708 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Pam |
Oh, thanks! |
| 6709 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Angela |
I didn't get mine yet. |
| 6710 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1109 |
Pam |
Uh... |
| 6711 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1110 |
Pam |
There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but ... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy. |
| 6712 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1111 |
Michael |
Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent. |
| 6713 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
Phyllis |
Uh, on or off? |
| 6714 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
I.D. Photographer |
Off. |
| 6715 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
Phyllis |
Okay... |
| 6716 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
Dwight |
Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise? |
| 6717 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
Phyllis |
Excuse me. |
| 6718 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1112 |
Dwight |
Clown paint. |
| 6719 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1113 |
Dwight |
I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? |
| 6720 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Michael |
That's a nice tie. |
| 6721 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Ryan |
Thank you. |
| 6722 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Michael |
That is... who makes that? |
| 6723 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Ryan |
Um, I don't... |
| 6724 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Michael |
Do you mind if I wear that for the photo? |
| 6725 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1114 |
Ryan |
Um... let's um, let's keep our clothes. |
| 6726 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Oscar |
It's like child abuse. I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! I mean on some levels... it's... and I'm supposed to work there. I'm supposed... |
| 6727 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Michael |
What's the dealio? |
| 6728 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Toby |
Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today. |
| 6729 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Michael |
What's the problem? |
| 6730 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Oscar |
Angela! |
| 6731 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Toby |
It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace. |
| 6732 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Oscar |
Since Christmas. |
| 6733 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Michael |
So what, you're having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating? |
| 6734 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 6735 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Toby |
Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please? |
| 6736 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1115 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 6737 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Toby |
Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen. |
| 6738 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 6739 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Toby |
These things just have a way of working themselves out. |
| 6740 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 6741 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Toby |
It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it. |
| 6742 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Michael |
What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So... |
| 6743 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Toby |
Okay. |
| 6744 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Michael |
Okay... what? |
| 6745 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Toby |
That was the right decision for me and my marriage. |
| 6746 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1116 |
Michael |
Yeah, well... that's not gonna fly here. Because in this office, it is till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized. Uh, Pam, will you get Angela and meet us in the conference room please? |
| 6747 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Michael |
A mediator's tool chest. Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that are 5 different styles of conflict. My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style. |
| 6748 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Angela |
Can we go? I have a lot of work to do. |
| 6749 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Michael |
No. Okay, this is important. The first style is lose/lose. |
| 6750 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Oscar |
What's the next one? |
| 6751 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Michael |
Just hold on, please! Okay, if we do lose/lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You... you would both lose. Now I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose/lose negotiation? |
| 6752 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Angela |
Can we just skip to whatever number 5 is - win/win or whatever? |
| 6753 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1117 |
Michael |
Win/Win is number four and number five is win/win/win. The important difference here is with win/win/win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work. |
| 6754 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Okay, since this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging or "you" statements. |
| 6755 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Angela |
I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor. |
| 6756 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Come on, seriously, that? |
| 6757 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Oscar |
I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno. I'm talking about the... |
| 6758 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win/win. |
| 6759 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Pam |
Win! |
| 6760 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win. |
| 6761 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 6762 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Angela |
That's... no... |
| 6763 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Okay... well, brainstorm. Own the solution. |
| 6764 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Angela |
How about, I leave it up? |
| 6765 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Oscar |
How 'bout, she takes it down? |
| 6766 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Pam |
How about, Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? |
| 6767 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style 3. And it is not ideal. To sum up, win/win - make the poster into a t-shirt, win/lose - take the poster down, compromise - Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is... make the poster into a t-shirt! Win/win. |
| 6768 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Pam |
Win. |
| 6769 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Oscar |
Fine. |
| 6770 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Angela |
But, it... |
| 6771 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Michael |
It is done! |
| 6772 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1118 |
Pam |
Win |
| 6773 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1119 |
Photographer |
No, you're all good. |
| 6774 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1119 |
Creed |
Great. |
| 6775 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1120 |
Pam |
Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code. |
| 6776 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1120 |
Angela |
Oh. Thanks. |
| 6777 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1121 |
Angela |
It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste. |
| 6778 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
You solved it? |
| 6779 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 6780 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out. |
| 6781 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Michael |
Are those all the other complains? |
| 6782 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
Mmm-Hm. |
| 6783 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Michael |
I would like to see those please. |
| 6784 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
I... I can't do that. |
| 6785 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Michael |
You can't do that, huh? Huh, ok. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file. |
| 6786 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
That... |
| 6787 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Michael |
Okay. There! No more conflict. I had to use win/lose on that. It was not pretty. All right... is that it? |
| 6788 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1122 |
Toby |
It's all Dwight's. |
| 6789 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1123 |
Toby |
Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York. |
| 6790 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1124 |
Michael |
Ohh... God. Alright. Why do I have to do everything? |
| 6791 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1125 |
Photographer |
Are you sure? |
| 6792 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1125 |
Dwight |
Oh, he's sure. Just shoot. |
| 6793 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1126 |
Michael |
This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed... huh. Duh, duh. Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist. |
| 6794 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1126 |
Pam |
Nice. |
| 6795 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1126 |
Michael |
You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me. |
| 6796 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1127 |
Toby |
Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This is January through March of this year. |
| 6797 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Michael |
How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee? And... did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on? That is outrageous! I love this place... and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering... Okay, today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute? |
| 6798 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Angela |
You already did me. |
| 6799 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Michael |
That's what she said. The thing is, Angela... you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"... ? |
| 6800 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Toby |
Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off. |
| 6801 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Michael |
Oh, ok. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago. |
| 6802 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Dwight |
Whoa.. wha... wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago? |
| 6803 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Pam |
Um... let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me? |
| 6804 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Michael |
All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it! And ... okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next. |
| 6805 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Pam |
Wait, what did it say? |
| 6806 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1128 |
Michael |
Uh... "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Couldn't she do that at home?" Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right? |
| 6807 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1129 |
Pam |
I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to her... and I haven't told anyone. And what the hell?! |
| 6808 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Michael |
Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Ugh, join the club. |
| 6809 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Ryan |
My voicemail's really spotty... sometimes... |
| 6810 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Kelly |
I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking. |
| 6811 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Toby |
To your HR representative. |
| 6812 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Kelly |
To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn. |
| 6813 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Toby |
Fine, I'll take your name off. So no one will know. |
| 6814 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Michael |
Makin' progress. Yes? |
| 6815 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Jim |
Dwight tried to kiss me. |
| 6816 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Michael |
What?! |
| 6817 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Jim |
And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it. |
| 6818 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Dwight |
That is not true. Redact it. Redact it! |
| 6819 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Jim |
Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it. |
| 6820 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Dwight |
Okay, question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York? |
| 6821 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1130 |
Toby |
Sure. |
| 6822 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1131 |
Michael |
Stanley. |
| 6823 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1131 |
Pam |
Hey. Thanks for ratting me out! |
| 6824 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1131 |
Michael |
You got a lot of anger under there buddy. Come on start us out. Unleash it. |
| 6825 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1131 |
Anglea |
I didn't do it! |
| 6826 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1131 |
Pam |
I find that hard to believe... considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe. |
| 6827 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Michael |
Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true. |
| 6828 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Stanley |
I didn't say that. |
| 6829 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Creed |
Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? |
| 6830 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Michael |
Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela's giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee. |
| 6831 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Phyllis |
No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close. |
| 6832 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Michael |
And... also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him. |
| 6833 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Phyllis |
Stanley and I are close, too. |
| 6834 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Stanley |
We sit close. |
| 6835 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1132 |
Michael |
Oh... ok. |
| 6836 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1133 |
Toby |
Just take it. |
| 6837 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Pam |
I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby. |
| 6838 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Jim |
Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends. |
| 6839 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Pam |
Don't take her side. |
| 6840 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Jim |
Well, what does Roy think about everything? |
| 6841 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Pam |
I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff. |
| 6842 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Jim |
You mean your thoughts and feelings? |
| 6843 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 6844 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1134 |
Jim |
Yeah... |
| 6845 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1135 |
Phyllis |
I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting. |
| 6846 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1135 |
Angela |
Yes, that's the problem. |
| 6847 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1135 |
Phyllis |
I guess so... |
| 6848 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1135 |
Michael |
Okay, well... all settled, then. |
| 6849 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1135 |
Phyllis |
I don't like you. |
| 6850 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1136 |
Michael |
OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell? |
| 6851 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1137 |
Creed |
I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death. |
| 6852 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1138 |
Michael |
All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable. |
| 6853 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1138 |
Kevin |
I accept your decision! |
| 6854 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1139 |
Jim |
Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together. |
| 6855 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1139 |
Dwight |
That doesn't make any sense. |
| 6856 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1139 |
Jim |
Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect. |
| 6857 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1139 |
Photographer |
Smile. |
| 6858 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1139 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 6859 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1140 |
Dwight |
I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. |
| 6860 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1141 |
Jim |
This came out really well. There you go. |
| 6861 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1141 |
Dwight |
This is humongous. I am not a security threat... |
| 6862 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1141 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 6863 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1141 |
Dwight |
And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'. |
| 6864 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1141 |
Jim |
What did I write? |
| 6865 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1142 |
Dwight |
I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file. |
| 6866 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1142 |
Toby |
Talk to Michael. I gave him the box. |
| 6867 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1142 |
Dwight |
What box?! |
| 6868 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Phyllis |
But I didn't report your snoring- |
| 6869 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Stanley |
Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays... |
| 6870 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Uh. Dwight. |
| 6871 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
Ah... agh... dgh... Ahh! No, no! Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. |
| 6872 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Okay! Calm down. |
| 6873 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
No! You calm down! Who's side is Toby on? Who's side are you on? |
| 6874 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Hey, hey! |
| 6875 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
Him or me? |
| 6876 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Stop. |
| 6877 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore. |
| 6878 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Okay... |
| 6879 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
Either he goes, or I go. |
| 6880 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Dwight... |
| 6881 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
You choose! |
| 6882 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Stop... |
| 6883 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Dwight |
One of us is out of here by the end of today! |
| 6884 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1143 |
Michael |
Oh... kay... |
| 6885 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Dwight |
I am not bluffing! |
| 6886 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 6887 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Dwight |
Okay? |
| 6888 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 6889 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Dwight |
Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years. |
| 6890 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 6891 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Dwight |
I deserve this. You know I do! |
| 6892 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Michael |
You know your I.D. says you're a security threat? |
| 6893 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1144 |
Dwight |
You have till five. |
| 6894 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1145 |
Dwight |
Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you, 'cause I'll still be working here. Transfer! Transfer! Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! |
| 6895 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1145 |
Michael |
Okay... you two, in the conference room with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. Cage match! |
| 6896 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1146 |
Michael |
Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage. |
| 6897 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1147 |
Michael |
Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert." "Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to." |
| 6898 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1148 |
Jim |
Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it. |
| 6899 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1149 |
Michael |
"This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone." |
| 6900 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1150 |
Jim |
That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out. |
| 6901 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1151 |
Michael |
"Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'." |
| 6902 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1152 |
Jim |
Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though. |
| 6903 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1153 |
Michael |
"By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier." |
| 6904 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1154 |
Jim |
Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day. |
| 6905 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1155 |
Michael |
The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, where they dig into your body, very hard. And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great. I've never had one. They sound awful. |
| 6906 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1156 |
Jim |
Maybe Stanford would be cool. |
| 6907 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1156 |
Dwight |
It's a good market. Higher volume. |
| 6908 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1156 |
Jim |
Yeah. Maybe we should both go. |
| 6909 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1156 |
Dwight |
I have a girlfriend... |
| 6910 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1156 |
Jim |
Sure you do, Dwight. Sure. |
| 6911 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1157 |
Michael |
Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later. |
| 6912 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1157 |
Dwight |
So, you going to transfer Jim or not? |
| 6913 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1157 |
Michael |
Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work. |
| 6914 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1157 |
Dwight |
I want an answer by tomorrow. |
| 6915 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1158 |
Michael |
Okay. Oh... actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week? |
| 6916 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1158 |
Dwight |
Fine. |
| 6917 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1158 |
Michael |
Good. Okay. |
| 6918 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Michael |
Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here? |
| 6919 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Photographer |
I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos. |
| 6920 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Michael |
Well... that's... what, a computer camera, right? |
| 6921 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Photographer |
You mean digital? |
| 6922 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Michael |
It'll take like two seconds. |
| 6923 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Photographer |
20 bucks. |
| 6924 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Michael |
Ugh... All right. Everybody, come on. Group photo for the newsletter. |
| 6925 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Stanley |
You gotta be kiddin' me. |
| 6926 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Michael |
Come on, everybody. |
| 6927 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1159 |
Dwight |
Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar... andale! Let's go. |
| 6928 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Photographer |
One, two, three... smile. Try to smile. |
| 6929 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts. |
| 6930 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Photographer |
Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three... whether you smile or not. One, two, three. |
| 6931 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
Good, let's check that out. Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more. |
| 6932 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Photographer |
That'll be another 20. |
| 6933 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
What? |
| 6934 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Pam |
Angela, I want to talk to you about something. |
| 6935 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
You just press the button. |
| 6936 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Angela |
What? |
| 6937 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
No, Pam. |
| 6938 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Pam |
I am. It's about the Save The Date. |
| 6939 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
Pam, it wasn't her. |
| 6940 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Pam |
What?! |
| 6941 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
I'm the one who complained about you. |
| 6942 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
I... I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. I was just venting. |
| 6943 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
Okay, good. Check that out. |
| 6944 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
You know, it was one day. |
| 6945 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
That's terrible. |
| 6946 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Jim |
And I took it right back. It was like... |
| 6947 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 6948 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Phyllis |
Oh, dear. |
| 6949 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1160 |
Michael |
Let's pay Mr. Price Gouger. Okay... we can do this. Come on, everybody. All right. Here we go. |
| 6950 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1161 |
Michael |
It was really hard getting a good picture of fifteen people. He would not give me a good discount. And eight tries added up. |
| 6951 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1162 |
Michael |
One, two.. Didn't say three, did I? |
| 6952 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1163 |
Michael |
But, I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. When people work together, there is going to be conflict. You can't outrun your problems. |
| 6953 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1164 |
Jim |
Hey, Pam... it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye. |
| 6954 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1164 |
Female worker |
Okay, Jan will see you now. |
| 6955 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1164 |
Jim |
Oh, thanks. |
| 6956 |
2 |
21 |
Conflict Resolution |
1165 |
Michael |
And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here's the thing about cage matches: sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand. |
| 6957 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1166 |
Michael |
Tonight the Scranton Business Park is having Casino Night and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall. And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer. It's just... It's nice to know at the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and say, "Michael, because of you, some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening." Makes you feel good. |
| 6958 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1167 |
Jim |
Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two? |
| 6959 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1167 |
Dwight |
I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years. |
| 6960 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1167 |
Pam |
It's a nice tux. |
| 6961 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1167 |
Dwight |
I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom. |
| 6962 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Roy |
So, what's the deal? We gotta pay for our own drinks? That's lame. |
| 6963 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Pam |
Come on, it'll be fun, and besides, I'm a roulette expert. |
| 6964 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance. |
| 6965 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
I can always kind of win at roulette. |
| 6966 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
Oh, really? Mmm-hmm. |
| 6967 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 6968 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
How would you do that? |
| 6969 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
Mind control. |
| 6970 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
You can't be serious. Are you serious? |
| 6971 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
Ever since I was a little kid, like, eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind. |
| 6972 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
I don't believe you. Continue. |
| 6973 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
It was just little thing, you know, like I could make something shake or I could make a marble fall off the counter. You know, just little things. |
| 6974 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh... Why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone! Attention in the office, please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead. |
| 6975 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Jim |
Okay, I'll try. |
| 6976 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1168 |
Dwight |
Oh, my God. |
| 6977 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
I try not to think of it as lagging behind. It's more of a David-and-Goliath thing. |
| 6978 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
Yeah, but... Well, the fact of the matter is that your branch is currently number four of the five branches that I oversee. |
| 6979 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
Top 80 percent! |
| 6980 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
Michael? |
| 6981 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 6982 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
You know that I'm very serious here. |
| 6983 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
Jan, listen, I promise that I will kick it up a notch. Bam! |
| 6984 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
What? |
| 6985 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
Emeril. Oh, actually, while I have you, not that I have you or have ever had you, but we're having our Casino Night tonight and I think everyone would love to see their fearless leader here. |
| 6986 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
I thought that you were their fearless leader. |
| 6987 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
I am, but you are the Eva Peron to my Cesar Chavez. |
| 6988 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
I think you can handle it. |
| 6989 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
Oh, come on. Come on. |
| 6990 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
I think so, Michael... |
| 6991 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Michael |
You know, it'd be fun. I can hear it in your voice. You need a break. |
| 6992 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1169 |
Jan |
Goodbye, Michael. |
| 6993 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1170 |
Michael |
Jan and I understand each other. The romance thing is sort of on hold for the time being, but we've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day. |
| 6994 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
Okay, everybody. Tonight's event is to benefit the Boy Scouts of America. |
| 6995 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Oscar |
Again? We do that every year. |
| 6996 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
Well, they need our money. They don't have cookies like the Girl Scouts. |
| 6997 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Oscar |
It'd be nice to do something for people who are actually suffering. |
| 6998 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
Well, Oscar, if you don't like it, then you should concentrate on winning. Because the person at the end of the evening with the highest chip count will receive $500 to donate to the charity of their choice. And they will get a mini-fridge compliments of Vance Refrigeration. |
| 6999 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 7000 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
So get your charities in to Pam. I, for example, am playing for Comic Relief. |
| 7001 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Jim |
That doesn't exist anymore. |
| 7002 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people. |
| 7003 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Pam |
No, they stopped making that show. |
| 7004 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Michael |
Well, then, they need our money more than ever. |
| 7005 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1171 |
Angela |
You have to pick an approved, non-profit organization. |
| 7006 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1172 |
Creed |
There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays. I'll probably give the money to them. |
| 7007 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1173 |
Kevin |
Something with animals. Or people. |
| 7008 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1174 |
Angela |
We are giving money that has been gambled. Why don't we just deal drugs or prostitute ourselves, and donate that money to charity? |
| 7009 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna... |
| 7010 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Toby |
Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going? |
| 7011 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS. |
| 7012 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Jim |
I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan. |
| 7013 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS. |
| 7014 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Phyllis |
Afghani. |
| 7015 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
What? |
| 7016 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Phyllis |
Afghani. |
| 7017 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
That's a dog. |
| 7018 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Pam |
No, that's Afghan. |
| 7019 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
That's a shawl. |
| 7020 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Dwight |
Wait, canine AIDS? |
| 7021 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
No. Humans with AIDS. |
| 7022 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Creed |
Who has AIDS? |
| 7023 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Jim |
Guys, the Afghanistananies. |
| 7024 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1175 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried. |
| 7025 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1176 |
Michael |
There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians, JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams. |
| 7026 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 7027 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Pam |
Oh, nothing. |
| 7028 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Jim |
"Till Death Do Us Rock." |
| 7029 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Pam |
They're wedding bands. |
| 7030 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 7031 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Pam |
Roy was supposed to pick the band, but he's concentrating more on the bachelor party now. |
| 7032 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Jim |
Wait, wait, where you going? I mean, even if you don't hire a band, you still have to watch the bands. Pam, these are people who have never given up on their dreams. I have great respect for that. And, yes, they're all probably very bad and that will make me feel better about not having dreams. |
| 7033 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Pam |
There's a KISS cover band in here. |
| 7034 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1177 |
Jim |
Let's do it. |
| 7035 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1178 |
Pam |
I'm pretty happy these days. I'm getting married soon and I'm getting along with everybody at work. |
| 7036 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1179 |
Jim |
Why did I talk to Jan about transferring? Well, you know... I have no future here. |
| 7037 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
I have already put down the deposit. Do you understand how a deposit works? |
| 7038 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
Mike, I am not having fire-eaters in a paper warehouse. |
| 7039 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
It's Casino Night like Las Vegas. There are fire-eaters all over the place. |
| 7040 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
Except my warehouse. |
| 7041 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
Well, actually, it's my warehouse. |
| 7042 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Dwight |
Actually, it's owned by Beakman Properties, and Dunder Mifflin is four years into a seven-year lease. |
| 7043 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
Why are you here? |
| 7044 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Dwight |
When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection. |
| 7045 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
Not. I said, not that. |
| 7046 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen. |
| 7047 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
That's ironic. |
| 7048 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 7049 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
That you are afraid. |
| 7050 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood? |
| 7051 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Michael |
Dinkin' flicka. |
| 7052 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1180 |
Darryl |
Dinkin' flicka. |
| 7053 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1181 |
Darryl |
I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say. |
| 7054 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1182 |
Michael |
Give me some. |
| 7055 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1183 |
Darryl |
Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too. |
| 7056 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
Wow. I don't know how you're gonna decide. They are all extremely good. |
| 7057 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Pam |
I think I should hire them all. Do like Lollapalooza. |
| 7058 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 7059 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Pam |
Have three stages, yeah. |
| 7060 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
Your mom would love that. She would. Oh, this band is called Scrantonicity. |
| 7061 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 7062 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
Let's take a look. Nice. |
| 7063 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Pam |
Oh, wait. That's Kevin. On the drums. |
| 7064 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
What? |
| 7065 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Pam |
On the drums! On the drums! |
| 7066 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1184 |
Jim |
Oh, my God, that's Kevin! Great song, Kev. Oh, my God, he's the drummer and the singer. |
| 7067 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1185 |
Kevin |
We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band. |
| 7068 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Jim |
Wow. Oh! |
| 7069 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Pam |
Oh, my... |
| 7070 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Jim |
Yeah, you haven't seen that since 1983. That is amazing. Okay, we have to sign him. I'm gonna call the label, we're gonna... |
| 7071 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Pam |
No! No! |
| 7072 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Jim |
No, Pam, you're gonna lose him to another wedding. |
| 7073 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Pam |
No, come back! No, no, no! |
| 7074 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1186 |
Jim |
Kev! |
| 7075 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1187 |
Pam |
Jim is great. Being with him just takes away all the stress of planning my wedding. |
| 7076 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Michael |
Yes |
| 7077 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Pam |
Michael, Carol Stills for you. |
| 7078 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 7079 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Pam |
Carol Stills. |
| 7080 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Michael |
Do I know a Carol Stills? |
| 7081 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Pam |
Your realtor. |
| 7082 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1188 |
Pam |
It's still me. |
| 7083 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1189 |
Pam |
Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt. |
| 7084 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Pam |
Carol, you're on with Michael. |
| 7085 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Hello, Michael? |
| 7086 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Hi, Carol. How you doing? |
| 7087 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
I'm great. I just needed one last signature for your mortgage insurance. |
| 7088 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, no problemo. Incidentally, I love the place. |
| 7089 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Oh, great. |
| 7090 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Great. It has a little bit of a weird smell. It's okay. At Christmas, the tree helped. |
| 7091 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Oh, good, I'm glad. Can I drop it over later? |
| 7092 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Actually, I'm sort of hosting this charity thing in our warehouse, Casino Night. |
| 7093 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Oh, great. |
| 7094 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Yeah, it'll be good. You know what? Why don't you come by? Bring the papers, I'll sign them and then you can stay and have a drink. |
| 7095 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
To the casino thing? |
| 7096 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Yeah. It'll be fun. What do you... What do you... |
| 7097 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
What? |
| 7098 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Oh, I'm sorry. Could you hold on? Yes? |
| 7099 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Pam |
Michael, Jan's on line two. |
| 7100 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Okay, put her through. Jan Levinson, I presume? |
| 7101 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Pam |
It's still me. Uh, Jan, here's Michael. |
| 7102 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
Michael? |
| 7103 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Hey, Jan. How you doing? |
| 7104 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
You know, I... I thought about it and you are right. |
| 7105 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
I am? |
| 7106 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
I could use a little fun. So, I am going to drive up for your Casino Night. |
| 7107 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 7108 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
Incidentally, what is the charity? |
| 7109 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
AIDS. |
| 7110 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
Okay, then. I will see you tonight. |
| 7111 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Okay, sounds great. |
| 7112 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Jan |
Bye-bye. |
| 7113 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Bye Hello, Carol? Hi, sorry about that. I just... |
| 7114 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
No problemo. |
| 7115 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 7116 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
To answer your question... |
| 7117 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 7118 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Yes. |
| 7119 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
What? |
| 7120 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
I'd love to go. |
| 7121 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 7122 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
I have to get a sitter, but that shouldn't be a problem. |
| 7123 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Problem. Good. |
| 7124 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
And I'll bring the papers, too. |
| 7125 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Good, All right. Sounds great. |
| 7126 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
I'll see you tonight. |
| 7127 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Bye. |
| 7128 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Carol |
Bye. |
| 7129 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1190 |
Michael |
Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody. |
| 7130 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Pam |
Oh, my God! |
| 7131 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Roy |
Yeah! That's great. |
| 7132 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Michael |
Hey, hey. |
| 7133 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Carol |
Hi. |
| 7134 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Michael |
Hey, Carol. |
| 7135 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Carol |
Hi. |
| 7136 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Michael |
You look great. |
| 7137 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Carol |
Thanks. Thank you for inviting me. It looks so great in here. |
| 7138 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Michael |
Oh, well... Kiss. That's how we do it in the paper biz. It's European and... Yes? Ah, Dwight |
| 7139 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1191 |
Dwight |
Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson. |
| 7140 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1192 |
Dwight |
I'm Michael's wingman. I've got his back. Two dates. He's got two dates tonight. My job is to keep Jan away from Carol and vice versa. Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them." |
| 7141 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1193 |
Michael |
Can I get you a drink? The food is from Hooters. |
| 7142 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1193 |
Carol |
Drink would be good. |
| 7143 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1193 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 7144 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1194 |
Creed |
Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. You should see how many supplies I've taken from this place. Honestly, I love stealing things. |
| 7145 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Billy's Girlfriend |
I'm gonna get a drink. Do you need anything? |
| 7146 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Billy |
No, I'm fine. Thank's sweetheart. |
| 7147 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Billy's Girlfriend |
Okay. |
| 7148 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Michael |
Billy, your nurse is hot. |
| 7149 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Billy |
That's my girlfriend. |
| 7150 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Michael |
Your nurse became your girlfriend? Sweet. |
| 7151 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Billy |
She was never my nurse. I met her at Chili's. She was my waitress. |
| 7152 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1195 |
Michael |
Chili's is great. |
| 7153 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1196 |
Michael |
Welkommen, Bienvenue, and welcome to Monte Carlo! Dwight. I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss. |
| 7154 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1196 |
Stanley |
Will Lady Fortune give me a raise? |
| 7155 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1196 |
Michael |
Shut it, shut it, shut it. Will Lady Fortune be your mistress? Only time will tell, my friends. Leave all your preconceived notions about casinos at the door. Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all! Great, okay. Shuffle up and deal. Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows. |
| 7156 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1196 |
Dealer |
Okay, the game is No-Limit Texas Hold'em. Good luck, everybody. That's at least four red chips to you, sir. |
| 7157 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1196 |
Michael |
All-in. |
| 7158 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1197 |
Michael |
Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. Did you believe me? |
| 7159 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Toby |
I'll call. |
| 7160 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Michael |
What are... That's insane. |
| 7161 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Toby |
I have good cards. |
| 7162 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Michael |
Well, Toby, I went all-in on the first hand, so doesn't that tell you that I might have good cards, too? So don't be stupid. Just take it back. |
| 7163 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Dealer |
No, I'm sorry. He can't, sir. He's gone all-in. |
| 7164 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Michael |
Okay, all right, whatever. |
| 7165 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Dealer |
Flip them. |
| 7166 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Michael |
You really screwed that up. |
| 7167 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1198 |
Meredith |
Wow. |
| 7168 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1199 |
Toby |
I don't really play cards, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling. |
| 7169 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1200 |
Dwight |
I expect to do very well tonight. I have an acute ability to read people. Jim, for instance, has a huge tell. When he gets a good hand, he coughs. |
| 7170 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1201 |
Jim |
I will raise. Thanks. |
| 7171 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1202 |
Jim |
It's the weirdest thing. Every time I cough, he folds. |
| 7172 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Carol |
Wow, bad luck. |
| 7173 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
Yeah, whatever. Hey, you know what? If luck weren't involved, I would always be winning. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
| 7174 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
Michael? |
| 7175 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
Jan. |
| 7176 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
Hi. |
| 7177 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
Look, okay, I think we're all adults here, and it has always been my understanding that we have an open relationship. |
| 7178 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
What are you... Just... Wait, what're you talking about? |
| 7179 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Carol |
What does that mean? |
| 7180 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
After you said you weren't coming, I invited Carol to come and I don't think that I did anything wrong. |
| 7181 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
No. No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Jan. I'm Michael's boss. |
| 7182 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Carol |
Hi, hi. |
| 7183 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
Does anyone want a drink? |
| 7184 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Carol |
No, I'm good. |
| 7185 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Jan |
Okay. |
| 7186 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
Um... |
| 7187 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey. |
| 7188 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Michael |
Hey. What... |
| 7189 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1203 |
Dwight |
Jan's here. |
| 7190 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Give me the dice. |
| 7191 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Kevin |
Come on, Dwight. |
| 7192 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Let's go. |
| 7193 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Billy |
It's all on you, baby. Let's go. |
| 7194 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Angela |
Good evening, Dwight. What is this? |
| 7195 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Evening, Angela. This is craps. I need to roll an eight. If I do, everyone wins. |
| 7196 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 7197 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Angela |
Then roll an eight. |
| 7198 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Angela. |
| 7199 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Angela |
Good luck, Dwight. |
| 7200 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Yeah! |
| 7201 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Kevin |
Dwight, let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. Let's go. |
| 7202 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Oscar |
Let it ride. Let it all ride. |
| 7203 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1204 |
Dwight |
Give me the dice! |
| 7204 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
Yeah, right. |
| 7205 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Pam |
"Yeah, right," what? |
| 7206 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
What was this? |
| 7207 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Pam |
I have good cards. |
| 7208 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 7209 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Pam |
Mhmm, And I'm gonna take you all-in. |
| 7210 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
Wow. I think you're bluffing. |
| 7211 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I think she's full of it. |
| 7212 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Pam |
Straight. |
| 7213 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
Oh. Three nines. |
| 7214 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Kevin |
Pam. Jim Halpert, ladies and gentlemen. |
| 7215 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1205 |
Jim |
Thank you very much. It was fun. |
| 7216 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Jan |
Cosmopolitan, please. |
| 7217 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Carol |
Can I get a red wine? So, two hours? That's a long drive. |
| 7218 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Jan |
Well, it's part of the job, you know? Keep an eye on things. So... Why not? So, how long have you and Michael been... |
| 7219 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Carol |
Oh, well, actually, I guess this would be our first date. I guess. |
| 7220 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Jan |
Casino Night in the warehouse. Good sport. |
| 7221 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Carol |
Well, I'm having a nice time. |
| 7222 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1206 |
Jan |
Oh, me too. Me too. |
| 7223 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1207 |
Ryan |
One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can. |
| 7224 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1207 |
Jim |
So, that's still going on, huh? You and Kelly? |
| 7225 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Michael |
All right! |
| 7226 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dealer |
The point is four. Shooter, roll it. Four! |
| 7227 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dwight |
Come on, shooter! |
| 7228 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Michael |
Four! Blow. Blow for luck! Yeah! Also, you. Not playing favorites. All right, here we go! |
| 7229 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Carol |
All right. |
| 7230 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 7231 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dealer |
Five. |
| 7232 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Michael |
So close. So close. |
| 7233 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dwight |
Come on. So where you staying? Radisson? |
| 7234 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Jan |
What? |
| 7235 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dwight |
Super 8? |
| 7236 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Jan |
No, I... |
| 7237 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dwight |
Motel 6? Best Western? |
| 7238 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Jan |
I didn't... I don't know... |
| 7239 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1208 |
Dwight |
Holiday Inn? The Hyatt in Wilkes-Barre? You staying with Michael? |
| 7240 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1209 |
Kevin |
I won the 2002 $2,500 No-Limit Deuce-to-Seven-Draw Tournament at the World Series of Poker in Vegas. So, yeah... I'm pretty good at poker. |
| 7241 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Kevin |
All-in. |
| 7242 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Phyllis |
Okay, let's do it. |
| 7243 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Bob Vance |
Good Luck, honey. |
| 7244 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Phyllis |
Oh, thank you, Bobby. But it doesn't matter, it's just fun to play. |
| 7245 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Kevin |
Three queens. |
| 7246 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Dwight |
Nice, very nice. |
| 7247 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Phyllis |
I have an ace. |
| 7248 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Oscar |
No, that's a flush. |
| 7249 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Dwight |
Oh, man! |
| 7250 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I have a flush! |
| 7251 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Bob Vance |
Yes! |
| 7252 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1210 |
Phyllis |
Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers! You wanna play again? |
| 7253 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1211 |
Kevin |
I suck. |
| 7254 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Roy |
She took you down, huh? |
| 7255 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Kevin |
I do not want to talk about it. |
| 7256 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Roy |
Hey, I saw your tape. Your band, Scrantonicity? You guys rock. |
| 7257 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Kevin |
Yeah? |
| 7258 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Roy |
Yeah, you guys wanna play our wedding? |
| 7259 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Kevin |
Awesome. Did Pam say it was okay? |
| 7260 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Roy |
Whatever. I'm in charge of the music. |
| 7261 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Kevin |
Dude, you will not be sorry. |
| 7262 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Roy |
Sweet. All right. |
| 7263 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1212 |
Kevin |
All right. |
| 7264 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Smoke? |
| 7265 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
No, thanks. You having fun? |
| 7266 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Fabulous time. I drove two and a half hours to get here. |
| 7267 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
Yeah, we all really... |
| 7268 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Left work early, drove down here. And I am completely underdressed |
| 7269 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
Well, I think you look great. |
| 7270 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Why did I hook up with Michael? |
| 7271 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
Yeah, why did you? |
| 7272 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
It was very late, Jim. Very... Very late and... Have you given any more thought to the transfer? |
| 7273 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. |
| 7274 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Good. Have you told anyone? |
| 7275 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jim |
No. |
| 7276 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1213 |
Jan |
Well, you should. |
| 7277 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1214 |
Bob Vance |
Excuse me. Big moment. The evening's chip leader and winner of this beautiful mini-refrigerator courtesy of Vance Refrigeration, Creed Bratton, Dunder Mifflin! |
| 7278 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1214 |
Creed |
Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator. |
| 7279 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Roy |
Sorry, babe. I am just beat. |
| 7280 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
It's okay. I'll see you at home. |
| 7281 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Roy |
Okay. Hey, don't try to lose too much money, all right? |
| 7282 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 7283 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Roy |
If you still want a honeymoon. Hey, Halpert. Keep an eye on her, all right? |
| 7284 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Okay, will do. |
| 7285 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Roy |
See you. |
| 7286 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
Bye! Hey. |
| 7287 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Hey, how's it going? |
| 7288 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
Good, especially after I took all your money in poker. |
| 7289 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you about something? |
| 7290 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
About when you want to give me more of your money? |
| 7291 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
No, I... |
| 7292 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight. |
| 7293 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
I was just... I'm in love with you. |
| 7294 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
What? |
| 7295 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just... |
| 7296 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that? |
| 7297 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
I just needed you to know. Once. |
| 7298 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
Well, I um... I... I can't. |
| 7299 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 7300 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
You have no idea... |
| 7301 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Don't do that. |
| 7302 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
...what your friendship means to me. |
| 7303 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Pam |
I can't. I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault. |
| 7304 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1215 |
Jim |
Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship. |
| 7305 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
Hey. I'm leaving. |
| 7306 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Hey, okay. |
| 7307 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
So, I just wanted to congratulate you on a fantastic evening. You did the company proud. |
| 7308 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 7309 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
And thanks for inviting me. You were right, I needed it. So, thanks. |
| 7310 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Okay. Thanks for coming. |
| 7311 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
Nice to meet you. |
| 7312 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Carol |
You, too. |
| 7313 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
And you guys have a good time together. |
| 7314 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Okay. Talk to you Monday. |
| 7315 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Jan |
Yeah. |
| 7316 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Carol |
Goodbye. |
| 7317 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Good night. She's a good boss. |
| 7318 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Carol |
She seems really nice. |
| 7319 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1216 |
Michael |
Oh, she's great. |
| 7320 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1217 |
Michael |
Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did. And Jan was really happy for me. So actually the hero got two girls. He got the girl that he works with and he got the girl that he buys real estate from. So, I've got my New York girl and my local flavor. Life is good. |
| 7321 |
2 |
22 |
Casino Night |
1218 |
Pam |
About 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't know what to say. Yes, I know. Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am. I have to go. I will. Listen, Jim... |
| 7322 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1219 |
Jim |
You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. |
| 7323 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1219 |
Pam |
Me too. ...I think we're just drunk. |
| 7324 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1219 |
Jim |
No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk? |
| 7325 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1219 |
Pam |
No... Jim--- |
| 7326 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1219 |
Jim |
Are you really gonna marry him? ...Ok. |
| 7327 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1220 |
Michael |
No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody "faggie". Why would anybody find that offensive? |
| 7328 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1220 |
Toby |
OK I think Oscar would just like if you used "lame" or something like that. |
| 7329 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1220 |
Michael |
That's what faggie means! |
| 7330 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1220 |
Toby |
No not really... |
| 7331 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Toby |
Apparently you called Oscar "faggie" for liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie. |
| 7332 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Michael |
It wasn't just an action movie, it was Die Hard! |
| 7333 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Toby |
All right Michael, but Oscar's really gay. |
| 7334 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Michael |
Exactly! |
| 7335 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Toby |
I mean for real. |
| 7336 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know. |
| 7337 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Toby |
No, I mean he's attracted to other men. |
| 7338 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Michael |
OK, a little too far, crossed the line. |
| 7339 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1221 |
Toby |
OK, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual homosexual. Yeah, he told me this morning. And, obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion. |
| 7340 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1222 |
Michael |
I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't... You don't call retarded people "retards". It's bad taste. You call your friends "retards" when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend. |
| 7341 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1223 |
Michael |
Listen man, I am so sorry. I had no idea. |
| 7342 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1223 |
Oscar |
No, it's fine. |
| 7343 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1223 |
Michael |
No. No it's not. I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people "faggie" since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know? I'm just... I, I can't even imagine... the... thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude. |
| 7344 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1223 |
Oscar |
That sounds like a great, wonderful idea, let's do that. |
| 7345 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1224 |
Angela |
It explains so much. |
| 7346 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1225 |
Oscar |
No, I'm not gay. And I don't understand why anyone would think, that I'm gay... if... Uh... yeah I'm gay. |
| 7347 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1226 |
Jim |
I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable. |
| 7348 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1227 |
Jim |
Why did I transfer to Stamford? I think that's pretty obvious. I got promoted! And you can't beat that view... right? |
| 7349 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1228 |
Andy |
Hey, Big Tuna! You're single right? |
| 7350 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1228 |
Jim |
Uh-huh, yeah. I am. |
| 7351 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1228 |
Andy |
She's pretty hot huh? She's completely crazy. Steer clear Big Tuna. Head for open waters. |
| 7352 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1228 |
Jim |
OooOK. |
| 7353 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1228 |
Andy |
OooOK. |
| 7354 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1229 |
Jim |
I ate a tuna sandwich, on my first day. So, Andy started calling me Big Tuna. ...I don't think any of them actually know my real name. |
| 7355 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1230 |
Andy |
Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut your throat to get ahead kind of guy, but I mean I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? I graduated in four years. I never studied once. I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acappella group, "Here Comes Treble." |
| 7356 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1231 |
Josh |
So, end of day we are going to have a little diversity policy refresher, because of some more problems at the Scranton branch. And I have a list of business startups I got from the chamber. Yes, I am going to need someone to cold call them. |
| 7357 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1231 |
Jim |
Oh, I can do that. |
| 7358 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1232 |
Karen |
Jim's nice enough. I dont... I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. What is that? |
| 7359 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Michael |
Can you tell who's gay and who's not? |
| 7360 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Dwight |
Of course. |
| 7361 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Michael |
What about Oscar? |
| 7362 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Dwight |
Absolutely not. |
| 7363 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Dwight |
Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so... |
| 7364 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Michael |
There could be others... I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else. |
| 7365 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Dwight |
You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive. |
| 7366 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1233 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay. |
| 7367 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1234 |
Michael |
Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman. |
| 7368 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1234 |
Dwight |
I really don't think so. |
| 7369 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1234 |
Michael |
I don't know, I can imagine her with another woman, can't you? |
| 7370 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Michael |
Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell by just looking at them. |
| 7371 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Dwight |
Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online. |
| 7372 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Michael |
That's ridiculous. |
| 7373 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Dwight |
Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot. |
| 7374 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Michael |
Let's call him and get the website. |
| 7375 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1235 |
Dwight |
Definitely. |
| 7376 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1236 |
Michael |
Well, they're sold out. |
| 7377 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1236 |
Dwight |
Damn. I'll try Brookstone. |
| 7378 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1237 |
Jim |
I miss that. |
| 7379 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1238 |
Roy |
Chicken or fish? |
| 7380 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1238 |
Pam |
Chicken. |
| 7381 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1238 |
Roy |
So you havin' a good day? |
| 7382 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1238 |
Pam |
Excellent, thanks. |
| 7383 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1238 |
Roy |
Good, glad. OK. |
| 7384 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1239 |
Pam |
Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding. I got cold feet, a few days before. And I can't really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship. We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I'm, I'm doing well. I have my own apartment. I'm taking art classes. And I have lunch for the next five weeks. |
| 7385 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1240 |
Roy |
After Pam dumped me, I um, I kinda stopped taking care of myself there, and uh, I hit bottom when uh, drunk driving arrest. I've been working out and um, you know, I'm not gonna take her for granted. I gotta win her back. |
| 7386 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1241 |
Stanley |
I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters. |
| 7387 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1242 |
Kelly |
That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you. |
| 7388 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1243 |
Oscar |
Yes I'm super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company, Scranton. Much like, um, sir Ian McClellan. |
| 7389 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1244 |
Angela |
Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace... and I want to throw up. It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick Jr. is on. He's so talented. |
| 7390 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1245 |
Andy |
OK. Who put my calculator in Jello? Good one. But uh, seriously, guys who did this? Seriously guys, who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in Jello, or I'm gonna lose MY FRICKIN' MIND! |
| 7391 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
You know, it's amazing to me that in this day and age, you could be so obtuse about sexual orientation. |
| 7392 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
I watch the L Word. I watch, Queer as F***, so... |
| 7393 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
That's not what it's called. |
| 7394 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Toby |
OK, Michael, are you aware that you ousted Oscar today? |
| 7395 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
What? What does that even... |
| 7396 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
Coming out, is a significant moment for a gay person, and they should be allowed to select the timing and manner of announcing it. |
| 7397 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
Well, gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like gay... shame festival. |
| 7398 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Toby |
All right, now Oscar's feeling discriminated against by his co-workers, primarily Angela, and um, that's your fault. |
| 7399 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about? |
| 7400 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
NO! |
| 7401 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
I don't kn-- |
| 7402 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
No, it's not possible. |
| 7403 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
Anything's possible. |
| 7404 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
You know, imagine... you were gay. |
| 7405 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Michael |
Well, I'm not gay Jan, and you should know that better than anybody! |
| 7406 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1246 |
Jan |
Michael, your immaturity is extremely disappointing and may even lead to a lawsuit which is the absolute last thing this company needs right now. Do you understand? |
| 7407 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1247 |
Michael |
The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays. |
| 7408 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1248 |
Oscar |
Am I the first gay man you ever knew? |
| 7409 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1248 |
Michael |
Trick question! Cause you can't always tell, so... how would I know. Is that the right answer? |
| 7410 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1249 |
Pam |
Michael, Dwight's looking at gay pornography on his computer. |
| 7411 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1249 |
Dwight |
Uh, Michael knows Pam. He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons. |
| 7412 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1250 |
Michael |
Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what. Gay p0rn, straight p0rn, it's all goooooood! I don't particularly get into this. But uh, you know what. I totally see the merit! And actually... it is quite beautiful. |
| 7413 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1251 |
Dwight |
Ah damn pop-ups. |
| 7414 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1251 |
Oscar |
What are you doing?! |
| 7415 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1251 |
Angela |
Watching some of your friends. |
| 7416 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1252 |
Michael |
All right, everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW! |
| 7417 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1253 |
Michael |
Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant lame. And now it means a man, who makes love... to other men. |
| 7418 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1254 |
Michael |
We're all homos! Homosapiens. Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people. I mean anybody could be gay. Business-men. Like antique dealers, or hairdressers, or... accountants. Oscar, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out, to everybody here. However you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you. |
| 7419 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1254 |
Oscar |
Yes I'm gay. And I didn't plan on sharing that part of my life with you today, so, whatever. Can I sit down now? |
| 7420 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1255 |
Creed |
/b]: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties I made love to many many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it was possible a man slipped in, and there would be no way of knowing. |
| 7421 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1256 |
Michael |
Who should be the judges and juries of our society? |
| 7422 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1256 |
Angela |
Judges and juries! |
| 7423 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1256 |
Michael |
Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey s*x as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right? |
| 7424 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1256 |
Kevin |
/b]: That sounds great. |
| 7425 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1257 |
Dwight |
I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them. |
| 7426 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1257 |
Oscar |
No one else in this office is gay. |
| 7427 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1257 |
Dwight |
What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine! |
| 7428 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1257 |
Phyllis |
I'm getting married to Bob Vance. |
| 7429 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1257 |
Michael |
That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! See? Everybody has a chance! |
| 7430 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Michael |
But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do! |
| 7431 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Phyllis |
No, you knew me in high school. Course, we all thought you were gay in high school. |
| 7432 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Michael |
Right! And I take that as a compliment. |
| 7433 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Phyllis |
Well with your ties and your matching socks and --- |
| 7434 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Michael |
Well, I just like to look good OK, so --- |
| 7435 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Oscar |
You sound pretty defensive Michael. |
| 7436 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1258 |
Michael |
No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero! |
| 7437 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1259 |
Michael |
Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag. |
| 7438 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1259 |
Oscar |
I don't think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life. |
| 7439 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1259 |
Michael |
You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend --- |
| 7440 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1259 |
Oscar |
I would rather not. |
| 7441 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1259 |
Michael |
...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me! |
| 7442 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1260 |
Oscar |
No, NO! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You're ignorant, and insulting, and small! |
| 7443 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1260 |
Michael |
All right, um... sorry. |
| 7444 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1260 |
Oscar |
Michael... I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on, come on. |
| 7445 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1260 |
Michael |
I'm sorry I called you faggie. You're not faggie. You're a a good guy. |
| 7446 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1261 |
Dwight |
Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend. |
| 7447 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1262 |
Michael |
You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here. |
| 7448 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1262 |
Michael |
Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man! |
| 7449 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1263 |
Michael |
We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way? |
| 7450 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1264 |
Michael |
I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said. |
| 7451 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1265 |
Michael |
Oh, there's Gill. Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows? |
| 7452 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1266 |
Oscar |
I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay. |
| 7453 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1267 |
Dwight |
"Hope this helps. -Jim" Nice! |
| 7454 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1268 |
Oscar |
What are you doing?! |
| 7455 |
3 |
1 |
Gay Witch Hunt |
1268 |
Dwight |
Shhh. Don't be scared. It works. ...oh no. |
| 7456 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Pam? |
| 7457 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 7458 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Did you see Oprah yesterday? |
| 7459 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
No, I didn't. |
| 7460 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
I, uh... I am going to be a father. |
| 7461 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
What was Oprah about? |
| 7462 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost. |
| 7463 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
That's a really big decision. |
| 7464 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 7465 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Maybe you should wait before you adopt. |
| 7466 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 7467 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Or not adopt. |
| 7468 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Just do it, okay? |
| 7469 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Roy's sister looked into it, and the application alone costs a thousand dollars. |
| 7470 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Um... find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay? |
| 7471 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months. |
| 7472 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Eight months? |
| 7473 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 7474 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
I don't even know if I'll want a baby in eight months. |
| 7475 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
You probably won't. |
| 7476 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
You know what, Pam? If in ten years, I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby... |
| 7477 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
No, Michael. |
| 7478 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Twenty years. |
| 7479 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
No, Michael. |
| 7480 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
Thirty. |
| 7481 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 7482 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1269 |
Michael |
It's a deal. |
| 7483 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Ryan |
All right. Three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks. Three packs of condoms. |
| 7484 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Michael |
Yesh. |
| 7485 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Ryan |
Uh, fun jeans. |
| 7486 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Michael |
Right there. Ah. |
| 7487 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Angela |
Sign. |
| 7488 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1270 |
Michael |
Per diem. |
| 7489 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1271 |
Michael |
Guess where I am going. I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fueled s*x romp, where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the Annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which will be fun. Poor little guy. He's been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo. |
| 7490 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Dwight |
Don't be mad, it is a business trip. |
| 7491 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Angela |
But I don't understand. It's for managers. |
| 7492 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Dwight |
Monkey, I am an A. R. M., Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 7493 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Angela |
I know! It... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together. Are you still there? |
| 7494 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Dwight |
Yes, Monkey. |
| 7495 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1272 |
Angela |
Don't "Monkey" me! You can't wait to get out of here, A. R. M. |
| 7496 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1273 |
Angela |
In the Martin family, we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut." What is... why are there flies in here? |
| 7497 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1274 |
Kelly |
Oh my God! Are you so excited for tonight? I am so excited. You guys are going to click, I can feel it. So what are you wearing? |
| 7498 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1274 |
Pam |
This. |
| 7499 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1274 |
Kelly |
You look so pretty. |
| 7500 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1274 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 7501 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1275 |
Pam |
Yes, I have a date. He's a cartoonist for the local paper, which is really neat, because I like to draw too. I'm kind of nervous. I haven't been on a first date in nine years... probably shouldn't broadcast that. |
| 7502 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Kelly |
Well, remember, no matter how much you may want to, do not sleep with him on the first date. It gives him all the power. |
| 7503 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Sleep with who? Whom, whom... whom? |
| 7504 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Kelly |
My neighbor Alan. They're going on a date tonight. |
| 7505 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Oh, wow! Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker. |
| 7506 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight |
And your veil. |
| 7507 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Yeah, do it! |
| 7508 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Pam |
I'll probably just wear this. |
| 7509 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Really? Okay. Well, word of advice: unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. Any message you want me to relate to Jim? |
| 7510 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Pam |
Um... |
| 7511 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Um. Okay, um. |
| 7512 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight |
Um. |
| 7513 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
You got that? |
| 7514 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight |
I got it. |
| 7515 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Write it down. |
| 7516 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight |
I got it. |
| 7517 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight |
Um. |
| 7518 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Michael |
Um. |
| 7519 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1276 |
Dwight, Michael |
Um, um, um... |
| 7520 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1277 |
Creed |
There's my girl. I noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train? |
| 7521 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1277 |
Angela |
That was for per diem, for Philadelphia. |
| 7522 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1277 |
Meredith |
That town smells like cheese steaks. |
| 7523 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1277 |
Angela |
That town is full of history! |
| 7524 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1277 |
Creed |
Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. Creed. |
| 7525 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1278 |
Dwight |
Can I have my neck pillow back? Michael! Can I have my neck pillow back? |
| 7526 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1279 |
Josh |
Hey, Michael. |
| 7527 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1279 |
Michael |
Hey, Josh, how ya doing? |
| 7528 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1279 |
Josh |
Pretty good. |
| 7529 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1279 |
Michael |
Good to see you. There he is! There's the traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! Yeah! The product... the progidal... my son returns. |
| 7530 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1280 |
Michael |
I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like the firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind, even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut. |
| 7531 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Jim |
It's really good to see you, man. |
| 7532 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Michael |
Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good to see you too! |
| 7533 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Dwight |
Oh, hey, how's it going up there? Have you made any sales yet? |
| 7534 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Jim |
Yeah, sold about forty thousand. |
| 7535 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 7536 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Dwight |
Shut up. That's impossible. |
| 7537 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Jim |
No, it's not. I did. Yep. |
| 7538 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1281 |
Dwight |
Well, I did it too. |
| 7539 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1282 |
Jim |
You know, when I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke. I wonder how hard it would be to get a copy of his room key. |
| 7540 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1283 |
Kevin |
So did you hear? |
| 7541 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1283 |
Toby |
What? |
| 7542 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1283 |
Kevin |
Pam's back on the market again. |
| 7543 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1283 |
Toby |
Really? She's dating? |
| 7544 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1283 |
Kevin |
If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that. |
| 7545 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1284 |
Dwight |
So what kind of commissions you get up there? |
| 7546 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1284 |
Jim |
Oh, Dwight. I've missed you so much. |
| 7547 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1284 |
Dwight |
You're so immature! |
| 7548 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Josh |
Listen, Michael, I heard you were a great salesman. |
| 7549 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Michael |
Ah. |
| 7550 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Josh |
And I just want to let you know that if our branch absorbs your branch, I'm going to look for a place for you at Stamford. |
| 7551 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
Oh, hey! |
| 7552 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Dwight |
Hey, Jan. |
| 7553 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
We all checked in? |
| 7554 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Josh |
Yes. |
| 7555 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
Great, let's dump our stuff and meet back here in half an hour. |
| 7556 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Josh |
Okay. |
| 7557 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
Okay! |
| 7558 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Michael |
Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules. |
| 7559 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
What are you talking about? |
| 7560 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Michael |
The eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Carol. I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention. |
| 7561 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Jan |
Step away from me, Michael. |
| 7562 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1285 |
Michael |
Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you. |
| 7563 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1286 |
Kelly |
Alan's cartoon is so funny, right? |
| 7564 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1286 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 7565 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1286 |
Kelly |
And they're, like, so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time. |
| 7566 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Dwight |
This party is going to be awesome. |
| 7567 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
I know! That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic. |
| 7568 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Dwight |
Check it out. |
| 7569 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
That is crooked on that side. |
| 7570 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Dwight |
Wow. |
| 7571 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Hey hey! |
| 7572 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Jim |
That is a lot of liquor. |
| 7573 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 7574 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Jim |
And a dart board. |
| 7575 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget? There ain't no party like a Scranton party, 'cause a Scranton party don't stop. |
| 7576 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Josh |
We should probably head on down and hook up with Jan. |
| 7577 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Hey, well, we have time! One for the road, gentlemen? |
| 7578 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Josh |
A shot of MIDORI, perhaps. |
| 7579 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Jim |
Oh, no, sorry, it's an inside joke. There's this bartender at Stamford who, uh... you know what? You'd just have to be there. |
| 7580 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Wish I was. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday. |
| 7581 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Josh |
Um, we should... |
| 7582 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 7583 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
All right, see you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up. |
| 7584 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Dwight |
I'll do a shot, Michael. |
| 7585 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1287 |
Michael |
Ugh, that would be gross. It's not even lunch yet. |
| 7586 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1288 |
Michael |
SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG. |
| 7587 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Michael |
Check it out. Hi, I'm Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 7588 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 7589 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Jerome Bettis |
All right. |
| 7590 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Dwight |
I'm a huge fan. |
| 7591 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Jerome Bettis |
Thanks. I appreciate it, guys. |
| 7592 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Michael |
You know what? I'm having a huge blowout tonight, Room 308. Hope you can come. |
| 7593 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Jerome Bettis |
All right, maybe. If I can. |
| 7594 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Michael |
Well, cool! Okay, so... can I tell people you're gonna be there? |
| 7595 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Jerome Bettis |
No, you cannot. |
| 7596 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Michael |
So maybe. See ya. |
| 7597 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Dwight |
Why do they call him The Bus? |
| 7598 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1289 |
Michael |
Because he's afraid to fly. |
| 7599 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1290 |
Dwight |
Smile! |
| 7600 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1290 |
Michael |
Do you remember me from last year? There's a party in my room, 308, can't miss it, right off the elevator. Tonight. Be there! |
| 7601 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Josh |
All right, Jan just emailed me. She wants us to meet her up front. |
| 7602 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Michael |
Yep. Yeah, she's up front. |
| 7603 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Dwight |
You don't have email on your phone. |
| 7604 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Michael |
I don't have to, I just know. Yes, hello? |
| 7605 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Dwight |
No one just called you. |
| 7606 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Josh |
All right. |
| 7607 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Jim |
All right, nice meeting you, Ted. Take care. |
| 7608 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Ted |
I'll see you soon. |
| 7609 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Josh |
Yeah, stop by later. |
| 7610 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1291 |
Michael |
See you in a bit. Bye-bye. May I have a moment of your time please? |
| 7611 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1292 |
Michael |
I need you to do something for me. |
| 7612 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1292 |
Dwight |
Yes. Anything. |
| 7613 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1292 |
Michael |
I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh. Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic. |
| 7614 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1292 |
Dwight |
I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat. |
| 7615 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Toby |
Hey, Pam. |
| 7616 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Pam |
Hey! What's up? |
| 7617 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Toby |
It's, uh... I was... might ask if you wanted... |
| 7618 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Pam |
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. He's not in the office. Can I take a message? I will. You too. Sorry. What's up? |
| 7619 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Toby |
Um, if, uh... um... I just completely forgot what I was going to say. It's so weird. |
| 7620 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Pam |
Okay. Well, if you think of it, I'll be here. |
| 7621 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1293 |
Toby |
Okay. |
| 7622 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1294 |
Dwight |
So I called my buddy down at the station today. Had them run a background check on Josh Porter. See if there's any known aliases, et cetera. |
| 7623 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1294 |
Michael |
And? |
| 7624 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1294 |
Dwight |
He wasn't volunteering today. |
| 7625 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Michael |
Business has been pretty crazy around the office. |
| 7626 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Jim |
Oh yeah? |
| 7627 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Michael |
Yeah. Moved Ryan over to your desk. |
| 7628 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Jim |
Oh, tell him I say hi. |
| 7629 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Michael |
I will call him later with that message. |
| 7630 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Jim |
Hey, how is... Toby? |
| 7631 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Michael |
Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left? |
| 7632 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Jim |
Oh, no, it was... you know, a good opportunity for me, a promotion. I got a chance to... |
| 7633 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Michael |
Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically. |
| 7634 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1295 |
Jim |
Michael, it's really not a competition. |
| 7635 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Josh |
Jim got us a great lead with a new rep from National Envelope. We can grab lunch with them tomorrow. |
| 7636 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Jan |
Great! |
| 7637 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Michael |
Hey, Jan, Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip. |
| 7638 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Dwight |
Whoa. Michael. |
| 7639 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Waiter |
Wow, oh my God, thank you. |
| 7640 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 7641 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Dwight |
Was that your per diem? |
| 7642 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Michael |
No, that was a different hundred dollar bill. |
| 7643 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Jan |
What have you generated, Michael? |
| 7644 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Michael |
I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening. |
| 7645 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Jan |
What party? |
| 7646 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Michael |
The party I'm having tonight in 308. Obviously, you are invited. |
| 7647 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1296 |
Jan |
Michael, um... Jim and Josh are in meetings all day. And I am in and out of meetings. I can't stay on top of you 24/7. |
| 7648 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1297 |
Phyllis |
You should order the most expensive thing on the menu, so he knows you're worth it. |
| 7649 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1297 |
Stanley |
If you do that, you're going to have to put out. |
| 7650 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1297 |
Phyllis |
Oh, yeah. You'll have to put out. |
| 7651 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1298 |
Angela |
Is there a key for Jane Doe? Thank you. |
| 7652 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1298 |
Michael |
Any messages for 308? All right. |
| 7653 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Hey hey, fellers. |
| 7654 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 7655 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Dwight |
Hey, Michael. |
| 7656 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
What's up? |
| 7657 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Josh |
Well, Jim and I have a meeting with Uni-ball in about forty-five minutes, so we should probably go now. |
| 7658 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Hey, check this out. How about that? A little friendly competition. Stamford versus Scranton. |
| 7659 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Josh |
I don't think so. |
| 7660 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Oh, Jim. Looks like you picked a bad time to defect, my friend. |
| 7661 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Josh |
Fine! All right. |
| 7662 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Okay! Excellent. Oh... |
| 7663 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Dwight |
Keep the wing flaps. |
| 7664 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Shut it. Hey, Pam, what's up? Yep, yech... no. Tell him I will give him general specifics tomorrow, okay? Yes. Say hi to Pam! |
| 7665 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Jim, Josh,, Dwight |
Hi, Pam. |
| 7666 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1299 |
Michael |
Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. Pam says hi. Have fun on your date! Very good, talk to you later. Bye. |
| 7667 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
You first. |
| 7668 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Dwight |
Come on. Nice try, Josh! |
| 7669 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
Not. It hit the rim. Okay, and... okay. Double or nothing. |
| 7670 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Josh |
Or what? We didn't bet anything, Michael. |
| 7671 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
Well, let's... |
| 7672 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Josh |
Yeah, we should go. |
| 7673 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
Come on! |
| 7674 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Josh |
We gotta go. |
| 7675 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
Come on! |
| 7676 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Josh |
Uh... we'll do it later. |
| 7677 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Evan |
Say, while I have you here, could I talk to you about some new and exciting advances to our product line? |
| 7678 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1300 |
Michael |
Fine. |
| 7679 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1301 |
Michael |
Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well, phooey on that. I, uh, I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work. |
| 7680 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1301 |
Evan |
That is so true. Ready? |
| 7681 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1301 |
Michael |
Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for. |
| 7682 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1301 |
Evan |
Great. |
| 7683 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Michael |
Sorry, my meeting ran late. |
| 7684 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Jan |
Really? |
| 7685 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Michael |
Yes, Jan, really. With a rep from HammerMill. |
| 7686 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Josh |
They're exclusive with Staples. |
| 7687 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Michael |
Used to be. Evan will call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell HammerMill products. |
| 7688 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Dwight |
Yes! Ha! |
| 7689 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Jan |
Well, Michael, I underestimated you. |
| 7690 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1302 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me. |
| 7691 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1303 |
Jim |
Dwight's room key. And... Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard. |
| 7692 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1303 |
Angela |
D? |
| 7693 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1303 |
Jim |
Oh my God. Dwight got a hooker! Oh my God, I gotta call... well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker! |
| 7694 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Kelly |
So, Alan, Pam is obsessed with your cartoons. She reads them every day. |
| 7695 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Alan |
Oh, great. |
| 7696 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Ryan |
I don't want ketchup. |
| 7697 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Kelly |
You love ketchup! He loves ketchup. |
| 7698 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Pam |
So how do you come up with your cartoons? |
| 7699 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Alan |
Well, I just, uh... I kinda think about stuff that I see, or dream them. |
| 7700 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1304 |
Pam |
You dream in cartoons? How fun! |
| 7701 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1305 |
Michael |
Hey, first guest! You are going to have some tequila, my friend. |
| 7702 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1305 |
Guy |
I thought there was a party in here. |
| 7703 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1305 |
Michael |
This is the party. |
| 7704 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1305 |
Guy |
This is room 308? |
| 7705 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1305 |
Michael |
Party central! So, what can I do you for? All right. |
| 7706 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1306 |
Alan |
See, this one is great, because it can work on a couple of different levels. |
| 7707 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1306 |
Pam |
Huh. |
| 7708 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1306 |
Alan |
Freedom fries for the table. |
| 7709 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1306 |
Pam |
Freedom fries. Yeah. |
| 7710 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1306 |
Alan |
Yeah. I mean, people always say, like, "Don't be edgy." But I don't know any other way. Yeah, you get it. |
| 7711 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Pam |
Well, it was, uh, it was really nice meeting you, Alan. |
| 7712 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Alan |
Yeah. Next time bring some of your illustrations, I'll let you pick my brain. |
| 7713 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Pam |
More freedom fries. |
| 7714 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Alan |
Yeah. |
| 7715 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Pam |
That's great. |
| 7716 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1307 |
Alan |
Okay. |
| 7717 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1308 |
Pam |
I went on a date. It wasn't a love connection, um... I think when I like someone again, I'll just kinda know. |
| 7718 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Michael. Am I the first to arrive? |
| 7719 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
People have been filtering in and out. |
| 7720 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Can I get a drink? |
| 7721 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
What? |
| 7722 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Can I get a drink? |
| 7723 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Sure. You like Cosmos? |
| 7724 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 7725 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Sure, sounds good. So why are you here? Is Josh busy? |
| 7726 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Michael... |
| 7727 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
I get it! No, no, I totally get it. He made a better paper airplane, Stamford is better in sales... I get it. We had some fun. We had some laughs. And that's just... |
| 7728 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss. |
| 7729 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
I'm not better than Josh. |
| 7730 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Michael, it's not about... I transferred because of Pam. |
| 7731 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Oh my God. You don't even know. She's single now. |
| 7732 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
No, I just... I heard something about that. It's just, I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice. |
| 7733 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Hey, you know what? I will talk to her. |
| 7734 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Nope, that's okay. |
| 7735 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 7736 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
That's all right. |
| 7737 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
I will. I'll talk to her. You should at least talk to Roy. I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling. |
| 7738 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Yeah. Okay, maybe. |
| 7739 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Evan |
Are we early? |
| 7740 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Hey! No, you know, people have been filtering in and out. |
| 7741 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 7742 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Evan, this is Jim. |
| 7743 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
How are you? |
| 7744 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Evan |
Hey, uh... Arnie Reisman. Michael, Jim. |
| 7745 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Hey, Ernie, how ya doing? |
| 7746 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Evan |
Do you guys work together? |
| 7747 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Jim |
No, we used to. Now we're friends. |
| 7748 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1309 |
Michael |
Best friends. |
| 7749 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1310 |
Michael |
Some people need dozens of friends to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm popular." But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know. Because a real relationship, it... it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly. |
| 7750 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1311 |
Michael |
Now, would you do the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? Ha, ha, ha. |
| 7751 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1311 |
Dwight |
Ha, ha, ha, ha. |
| 7752 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1311 |
Michael |
Whoa. What are those stains? |
| 7753 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1311 |
Dwight |
Blood, urine, or semen. |
| 7754 |
3 |
2 |
The Convention |
1311 |
Michael |
Oh, God, I hope it's urine. |
| 7755 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1312 |
Michael |
Ahhhhhhhhh. I'm hungry. |
| 7756 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1313 |
Michael |
Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues! |
| 7757 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Michael |
Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go! |
| 7758 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Dwight |
Take a seat down there. Second from the end. |
| 7759 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Michael |
Alright, everybody here? Yes. |
| 7760 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Pam |
Popcorn anyone? |
| 7761 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Michael |
Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu! |
| 7762 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1314 |
Pam |
Anyone else? Nooo. |
| 7763 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1315 |
Pam |
Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. |
| 7764 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1316 |
Michael |
Entourage! |
| 7765 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1317 |
Michael |
Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week? |
| 7766 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1317 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 7767 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1317 |
Dwight |
Why him? |
| 7768 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1317 |
Michael |
Don't whine. Get the window. |
| 7769 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1318 |
Michael |
Previously on Varsity Blues... |
| 7770 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1318 |
Kevin |
Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year... |
| 7771 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1319 |
Jan |
Hello? |
| 7772 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1320 |
Dwight |
Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. |
| 7773 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1321 |
Angela |
I don't approve. I don't. |
| 7774 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1322 |
Jan |
Hello? |
| 7775 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1323 |
Michael |
Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds! |
| 7776 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1324 |
Jan |
How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that? |
| 7777 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1324 |
Michael |
People work faster after... |
| 7778 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1324 |
Jan |
Magically? |
| 7779 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1324 |
Michael |
No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie. |
| 7780 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1324 |
Jan |
No. |
| 7781 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1325 |
Angela |
Kitchen. |
| 7782 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1326 |
Angela |
Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs. |
| 7783 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1326 |
Dwight |
That's not going to happen. |
| 7784 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1326 |
Angela |
You know she has it out for him now. |
| 7785 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1326 |
Dwight |
That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart! |
| 7786 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1327 |
Dwight |
Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms. |
| 7787 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1328 |
Angela |
Dwight, you should be running this office. |
| 7788 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1328 |
Dwight |
Michael would never let me... |
| 7789 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1328 |
Angela |
It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her. |
| 7790 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1328 |
Dwight |
I could never do that! |
| 7791 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1328 |
Angela |
Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired! |
| 7792 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1329 |
Angela |
I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. |
| 7793 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1330 |
Jim |
At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus. |
| 7794 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1331 |
Pam |
Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here. |
| 7795 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1332 |
Pam |
Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes. |
| 7796 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 7797 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Kelly |
I love it! |
| 7798 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Pam |
Really? I don't know. |
| 7799 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Kelly |
You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on. |
| 7800 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Pam |
Not at work, I'll try it on--- |
| 7801 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Kelly |
Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! |
| 7802 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Pam |
...noooo |
| 7803 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1333 |
Kelly |
Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! |
| 7804 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1334 |
Andy |
Why did you do that?! |
| 7805 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1334 |
Jim |
I'm just killing Germans, any way I can. |
| 7806 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1334 |
Andy |
We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish. |
| 7807 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1334 |
Jim |
Wait, are we playing teams? |
| 7808 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1334 |
Karen |
Yeah. |
| 7809 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1335 |
Dwight |
WAH! GAH! |
| 7810 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
Hello? |
| 7811 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
Is this Jan? |
| 7812 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
Who is this? |
| 7813 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter. |
| 7814 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other. |
| 7815 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
It's about Michael. |
| 7816 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
What about him? |
| 7817 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
I can't talk here. It's too sensitive. |
| 7818 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
It's not about a surprise party is it? |
| 7819 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
No, but we should discuss that another time. |
| 7820 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back. |
| 7821 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you. |
| 7822 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
How do you know I like that store? |
| 7823 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
Many of your blouses are Claiborne's. |
| 7824 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
How do you know that? |
| 7825 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
Part of my job. |
| 7826 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Jan |
No it's not. It's officially not. |
| 7827 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1336 |
Dwight |
...noted. |
| 7828 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Dwight |
I'm going... to the dentist. |
| 7829 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 7830 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Dwight |
I have to have an emergency crown put in. |
| 7831 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Michael |
Ouchy. |
| 7832 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Dwight |
Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours. |
| 7833 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1337 |
Michael |
Three hours, wow. Have fun. |
| 7834 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1338 |
Dwight |
Did you get anything good? |
| 7835 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1338 |
Jan |
Yeah. |
| 7836 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1338 |
Dwight |
New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy? |
| 7837 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Dwight |
I can save the branch. |
| 7838 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Jan |
Really? |
| 7839 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Dwight |
If you let me run it. |
| 7840 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Jan |
Ok. |
| 7841 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Dwight |
"Ok" I can run it? |
| 7842 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Jan |
What would you do differently? |
| 7843 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Dwight |
Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. Right here. It's all for me. Thank you. |
| 7844 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Jan |
Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers. |
| 7845 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1339 |
Dwight |
The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So , here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision. |
| 7846 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1340 |
Dwight |
Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings. |
| 7847 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1340 |
Jan |
Where is it? |
| 7848 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 7849 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 7850 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Jan |
I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees. |
| 7851 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Michael |
Oh. That's nice. |
| 7852 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Jan |
No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you. |
| 7853 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Michael |
...what? |
| 7854 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Jan |
Mm-hmm. |
| 7855 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Michael |
...you were at the dentist? |
| 7856 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Jan |
You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately. |
| 7857 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1341 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 7858 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1342 |
Michael |
What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish. |
| 7859 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Phyllis |
Woooooow. |
| 7860 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Phyllis |
It's really something. |
| 7861 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Pam |
It's too much. |
| 7862 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 7863 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Pam |
I'm gonna return it. |
| 7864 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1343 |
Kelly |
No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel. |
| 7865 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1344 |
Roy |
Hey. |
| 7866 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1344 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 7867 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1344 |
Roy |
You look nice. |
| 7868 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1344 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 7869 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1344 |
Kelly |
Isn't that like your third soda today? |
| 7870 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1345 |
Jim |
Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. Ok, see you next week. Bye. Again? |
| 7871 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1345 |
Karen |
Scared? |
| 7872 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1346 |
Karen |
Call of Duty! |
| 7873 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1347 |
Josh |
Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute? |
| 7874 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1347 |
Andy |
Now? |
| 7875 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1347 |
Josh |
Yes now. |
| 7876 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1347 |
Andy |
Put the game on hold everyone. |
| 7877 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there. |
| 7878 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
It's the new guy. |
| 7879 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about... |
| 7880 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
See what I mean? |
| 7881 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gun room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? |
| 7882 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Jim |
Um, sniper rifle? |
| 7883 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
SNIPE-- |
| 7884 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
WHAT? |
| 7885 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
JIM! |
| 7886 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
Are you playing for the other team?! |
| 7887 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
You don't snipe in Carrington, ok? |
| 7888 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
Saboteur! |
| 7889 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Josh |
Andy, it's not--- |
| 7890 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1348 |
Andy |
Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. |
| 7891 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Hey Dwight. |
| 7892 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 7893 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Do you want an M&M? |
| 7894 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
No thanks I'm stuffed. |
| 7895 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good. |
| 7896 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
...ok. |
| 7897 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
They're good, huh? |
| 7898 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
...so good. |
| 7899 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in. |
| 7900 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so... |
| 7901 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Sounds like a good dentist. |
| 7902 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
Oh, yeah. |
| 7903 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
What's his name? |
| 7904 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
Crentist. |
| 7905 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Your dentist's name is Crentist. |
| 7906 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
Yep. |
| 7907 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Michael |
Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist. |
| 7908 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1349 |
Dwight |
Maybe that's why he became a dentist. |
| 7909 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1350 |
Michael |
Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em. |
| 7910 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1350 |
Dwight |
Ahh. Aaaah. |
| 7911 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1350 |
Michael |
You should... floss. |
| 7912 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1350 |
Dwight |
I know... |
| 7913 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1350 |
Michael |
Well then... I am glad you're ok. |
| 7914 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1351 |
Michael |
Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. |
| 7915 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1352 |
Michael |
Dwight, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 7916 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Wow, this is tough. |
| 7917 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 7918 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Ohhhh. Arrrgggh! |
| 7919 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
What is it? |
| 7920 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me. |
| 7921 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 7922 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job! |
| 7923 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
Gahh! |
| 7924 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. |
| 7925 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
I can't believe this news. That--- wow. |
| 7926 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally. |
| 7927 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
You said that? |
| 7928 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it. |
| 7929 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will. |
| 7930 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Perfect, well, we're settled. |
| 7931 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
All right. |
| 7932 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager. |
| 7933 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it. |
| 7934 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Ohh.. |
| 7935 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Dwight |
Hey... I can't imagine this place without you. |
| 7936 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1353 |
Michael |
Can't you? That's so nice. |
| 7937 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1354 |
Michael |
Well... I guess we should go tell the troops. |
| 7938 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1354 |
Dwight |
Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. Ok let's do it. |
| 7939 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Michael |
Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight. |
| 7940 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Phyllis |
You're kidding... |
| 7941 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Michael |
You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that. |
| 7942 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Angela |
Congratulations Dwight. |
| 7943 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Dwight |
Thank you Angela. |
| 7944 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Stanley |
But... why Dwight? |
| 7945 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Michael |
Because, Dwight... never lies. |
| 7946 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Stanley |
How does that qualify him to run a branch? |
| 7947 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1355 |
Michael |
Because that's all it takes. |
| 7948 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1356 |
Michael |
Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty? |
| 7949 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1356 |
Dwight |
Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity! |
| 7950 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Phyllis |
Michael, what will you do? |
| 7951 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Michael |
Oh, I'll be fine. |
| 7952 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Kevin |
Do you have any savings? |
| 7953 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Michael |
No, no, I don't, but--- |
| 7954 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Kevin |
Michael, you might lose your condo. |
| 7955 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1357 |
Michael |
I... won't. I won't. |
| 7956 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1358 |
Pam |
I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. |
| 7957 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1359 |
Phyllis |
Maybe I'll quit. |
| 7958 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1360 |
Angela |
It's really happening! |
| 7959 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1360 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 7960 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1360 |
Angela |
We can make a difference here. |
| 7961 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1360 |
Angela |
You alone? Because I thought together we could--- |
| 7962 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1360 |
Dwight |
Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women. |
| 7963 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Karen |
Look how cute he is! He's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade. |
| 7964 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Jim |
I'm sorry what are you whispering about? |
| 7965 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Karen |
I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around. |
| 7966 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Jim |
I'm trying--- |
| 7967 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Karen |
Just tap S then D. |
| 7968 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 7969 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Karen |
Any... last words? No? |
| 7970 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Jim |
What? |
| 7971 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1361 |
Jim |
Wow. Psychopath. |
| 7972 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1362 |
Pam |
What? |
| 7973 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1362 |
Creed |
I'm just looking. |
| 7974 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1362 |
Pam |
Please go back to your desk. |
| 7975 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1362 |
Creed |
In a minute. |
| 7976 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1363 |
Pam |
Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas. |
| 7977 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring. |
| 7978 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
No thank you. |
| 7979 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it. |
| 7980 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
No thanks. |
| 7981 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
What? |
| 7982 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
Not my style. |
| 7983 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
But you said you liked it. You've always admired it. |
| 7984 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate. |
| 7985 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
Take it back. |
| 7986 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 7987 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
That's my car. |
| 7988 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
What did you--- |
| 7989 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Michael |
THAT'S MY CAR. |
| 7990 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1364 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 7991 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know. |
| 7992 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
You know what? |
| 7993 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
Jan called me about your little meeting! |
| 7994 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 7995 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight. |
| 7996 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD. |
| 7997 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight? |
| 7998 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
Don't fire me. Please. |
| 7999 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?! |
| 8000 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS! |
| 8001 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
Not. Good. Enough! |
| 8002 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year! |
| 8003 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
I have a laundry machine! |
| 8004 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear. |
| 8005 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
I don't know if I can trust you anymore. |
| 8006 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Dwight |
You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? |
| 8007 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1365 |
Michael |
You can get up. Get up. And you can hug it out, bitch. |
| 8008 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1366 |
Michael |
Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate. |
| 8009 |
3 |
3 |
The Coup |
1367 |
Michael |
Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, and I'm making him do my laundry for a year. |
| 8010 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
Hey Ryan, can I get you a pencil from the warehouse? |
| 8011 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Ryan |
Uh, no thanks, I'm good. |
| 8012 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
Oh, it's okay, I'm going down. |
| 8013 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Ryan |
Um... Yeah, absolutely. |
| 8014 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
All right, I'll be right back. |
| 8015 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Dwight |
Whoo! |
| 8016 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
There you go. |
| 8017 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Dwight |
Awesome! |
| 8018 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Ryan |
Thank you. |
| 8019 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 8020 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Dwight |
Michael, can you get me a pen from down in the warehouse? |
| 8021 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
Don't mind if I do. See you in a minute. |
| 8022 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Dwight |
Okay. Whoo! |
| 8023 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
There you go, fresh from the warehouse. |
| 8024 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Pam |
Hey Michael, would you get me some coffee from the warehouse? |
| 8025 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
There's coffee in the kitchen, Pam. |
| 8026 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Pam |
But the warehouse coffee tastes SO much better. |
| 8027 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Ryan, others |
Yeah. Yes, it's better. It's great. |
| 8028 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1368 |
Michael |
All right. Okay. |
| 8029 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1369 |
Michael |
I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained. |
| 8030 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1370 |
Pam |
With cream and sugar? |
| 8031 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1370 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 8032 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1371 |
Jan |
So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck. |
| 8033 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1371 |
Michael |
Oookay. Let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling, Jan? Or does somebody miss me? |
| 8034 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1371 |
Jan |
Michael, Ed died over the weekend. |
| 8035 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1371 |
Michael |
Oh, wow. |
| 8036 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1372 |
Michael |
Attention, everybody. I just received a call from corporate with some news they felt that I should know first. My old boss Ed Truck has died. |
| 8037 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1372 |
Kelly |
Oh, Michael, that's such terrible news! You must feel so sad. |
| 8038 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1372 |
Michael |
Yes, I am. It's very sad. Because he was my boss. |
| 8039 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1372 |
Phyllis |
That's a shame. Ed was a good guy. |
| 8040 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1372 |
Michael |
That's right, you worked with him. So did Creed. Well, I'll be in my office in case anybody wants to drop by. Cheer me up. |
| 8041 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Michael |
So did you hear the news? |
| 8042 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Pam |
The news that you just announced? That Ed died? |
| 8043 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 8044 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Pam |
Is there anything I can do? |
| 8045 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Michael |
Oh, gosh, what can anybody do, really? It's... pssssh... . He was almost 70. Circle of life. |
| 8046 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 8047 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Pam |
Oh. Okay. |
| 8048 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Michael |
Yeah. Mmmmmm. |
| 8049 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1373 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 8050 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Josh |
What's going on with Fairfield County schools? Karen, did you generate that price list? |
| 8051 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Karen |
Um, shoot. Uh, I will. Sorry. |
| 8052 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Josh |
Okay, just get it done. Jim, will you make sure? |
| 8053 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Jim |
Oh yeah, definitely. |
| 8054 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Andy |
Suck up! Josh, did you hear what I said? |
| 8055 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1374 |
Josh |
Thank you, everyone. |
| 8056 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Karen |
Dammit. |
| 8057 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Jim |
What's up? |
| 8058 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Karen |
Uh, nothing. They're just out of Herr's chips. |
| 8059 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 8060 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Karen |
But don't worry about it. My snack food doesn't fall under the umbrella of your authority. |
| 8061 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1375 |
Jim |
Mmm, that's where you're wrong. I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So, I think we should go get some. Now, please. |
| 8062 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
It's a real shame about Ed, huh? |
| 8063 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Michael |
Yeah. Must really have you thinkin'. |
| 8064 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
About what? |
| 8065 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Michael |
The older you get, the bigger the chance is you're gonna die. You knew that. |
| 8066 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
Ed was decapitated. |
| 8067 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Michael |
What? |
| 8068 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 8069 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
He was drunk as a skunk, he was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. It snaps right off. |
| 8070 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Michael |
Oh my God. |
| 8071 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Dwight |
That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart. |
| 8072 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated. |
| 8073 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Dwight |
You're thinking of a chicken. |
| 8074 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1376 |
Creed |
What did I say? |
| 8075 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1377 |
Michael |
That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I'm sorry. Alone, out of the blue, and not even have his own head to comfort him. |
| 8076 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1378 |
Michael |
So, I'm not exactly sure how to say this... |
| 8077 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1378 |
Dwight |
Ed was decapitated. |
| 8078 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1378 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 8079 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1378 |
Dwight |
You said you didn't know how to say it. |
| 8080 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1378 |
Michael |
I didn't... he was driving on the road and he went under a truck. And that's when his head was separated from the rest of him. And I will let you know more as soon as I find out. |
| 8081 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1379 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 8082 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1379 |
Angela |
Hi. |
| 8083 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1379 |
Dwight |
If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice. |
| 8084 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1379 |
Angela |
I do not wanna talk about this. |
| 8085 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1380 |
Dwight |
When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. |
| 8086 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here. |
| 8087 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
I understand how you feel, Michael. I really do. So, would it be helpful to give everyone the day off? |
| 8088 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
You really don't get it, do you? You don't understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want is a day off. |
| 8089 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
Well, what would you suggest? |
| 8090 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
A statue. |
| 8091 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
Of Ed? |
| 8092 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 8093 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
I'm not sure that's realistic. |
| 8094 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Well, I think it would be very realistic, it would look just like him. |
| 8095 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
No, that's not--- |
| 8096 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move... |
| 8097 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Dwight |
That is not a statue, that is a robot. |
| 8098 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
I think that is a great way to honor Ed. |
| 8099 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Dwight |
And how big do you want this robot? |
| 8100 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Life-size. |
| 8101 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Dwight |
Mm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us. |
| 8102 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
What the hell are you two talking about? |
| 8103 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Well, we are talking about how to properly honor a man who gave his life as regional manager of this company, Jan. |
| 8104 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
You know what, Michael? I've really tried with you today... |
| 8105 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Mm hm. |
| 8106 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
...and I have to get back to work. |
| 8107 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
Oh do you? You know who wished they could get back to work is Ed Truck. |
| 8108 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
So call me when you feel like having a real conversation. |
| 8109 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
But Ed truck can't because he is--- |
| 8110 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Jan |
Goodbye. |
| 8111 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
DEAD. |
| 8112 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Dwight |
Look I gave him a six foot extension cord so he can't chase us. |
| 8113 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1381 |
Michael |
That's perfect. |
| 8114 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
Okay, that is a "no" on the on the West Side Market. |
| 8115 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
Okay, great. I think that's enough. Can I get back to work now? |
| 8116 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
Wow. Never pegged you for a quitter. |
| 8117 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
I am NOT a quitter. I will do this all day if you want. |
| 8118 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 8119 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
Yeah, all day. |
| 8120 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Andy |
Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in. |
| 8121 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen. |
| 8122 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Andy |
Did you check the vending machine? |
| 8123 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that? |
| 8124 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
I have no idea. We went right for the copier. |
| 8125 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
Mm. |
| 8126 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Jim |
And then we checked the fax machine. |
| 8127 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Karen |
Yeah, nothing there. |
| 8128 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1382 |
Andy |
Did you check your... butt? |
| 8129 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Michael |
Oohh... can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam. |
| 8130 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Phyllis |
Okay that's enough. |
| 8131 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Michael |
What? |
| 8132 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Stanley |
We do not wanna hear about this. |
| 8133 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Michael |
Well, you know what? I didn't wanna hear about it either, Stanley, but I did and now I can't stop picturing it. He leaves work, he's on his way home... wham! His cappa is detated from his head! |
| 8134 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Stanley |
You have just spit on my face. |
| 8135 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1383 |
Michael |
Well, you know what? There's something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody in here. Because we have lost a member of our family and you don't wanna talk about it, you don't wanna think about it, you just wanna get back to work! |
| 8136 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1384 |
Michael |
There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they're all denying the fact that they're sad. And that's hard. And it's making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job. |
| 8137 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1385 |
Michael |
I am going to throw you this ball. When you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of a person very important to you, somebody really special who died, and then I want you to say how they died, and you may cry if you like, that is encouraged. Let me just start. Let me show you how this works. I catch the ball. I lost Ed Truck. And... it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone. |
| 8138 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1385 |
Roy |
Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, uh, I need to see Pam. There seems to be, like, something wrong with the radiator in her car. |
| 8139 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1385 |
Michael |
Okay, fine. Hurry back. |
| 8140 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1385 |
Roy |
There's nothing wrong with your car. I just thought you might like a break from the "grief counseling" session. |
| 8141 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1385 |
Pam |
Oh. I would like a break. |
| 8142 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1386 |
Roy |
How are you likin' the new car? |
| 8143 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1386 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 8144 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1386 |
Roy |
Yeah? Sure is small. Got airbags? |
| 8145 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1386 |
Pam |
I think so. I don't know, I was mainly focused on the cup holders. |
| 8146 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1386 |
Roy |
Well, you're not still driving so fast, are you? Yeah. |
| 8147 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1387 |
Jim |
Hi, yeah. This is Mike from the West Side Market. Well, we get a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips, and we ordered that about three weeks ago and haven't ... . yeah. You have 'em in the warehouse. Great. What is my store number... six. Wait, no. I'll call you back. Shut up . |
| 8148 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1387 |
Karen |
Six? |
| 8149 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Okay, we can start. Um... |
| 8150 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Pam |
You waited for me? |
| 8151 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Yeah. Pam, you're a member of this family. So we will wait for our family members. Phyllis, you wanna give it a shot? |
| 8152 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. |
| 8153 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else. |
| 8154 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Stanley |
Nope. |
| 8155 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Oh, yes Stanley. Come on. Your turn, you have to go. |
| 8156 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Stanley |
I will NOT. |
| 8157 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Okay... I'm going to toss the ball to Pam. |
| 8158 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Pam |
Let's see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die. |
| 8159 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay. |
| 8160 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Ryan |
Thanks. Um, a few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and, um, my cousin, Mufasa was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and, um, we all... took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened. |
| 8161 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Do you want to talk about it anymore? |
| 8162 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Ryan |
Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story. |
| 8163 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Kevin |
Me, me, me, me, me me. Yes. Okay, um. I was trying to throw this party once. And everyone was over for the weekend. And then my uncle Bernie died, and so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive, so... |
| 8164 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Wait a second. That's Weekend at Bernie's. Do you think that this is a game? |
| 8165 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Phyllis |
Well, there is a ball. |
| 8166 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
All right, we're starting over. |
| 8167 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Stanley |
No, I'm done. |
| 8168 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
You are not leaving. No! We are not done. |
| 8169 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Angela |
We really have a lot of work to do right now. |
| 8170 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Yeah. Well, you know what? The guy who had my job has died. And nobody cares! And he sat at my desk. |
| 8171 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Toby |
Michael, look. I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die. And I had to keep going. |
| 8172 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
How do you know? |
| 8173 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Toby |
What? |
| 8174 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
That that bird was dead? Did you check its breathing? |
| 8175 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Toby |
It was obvious... |
| 8176 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Was its heart beating, Toby? Did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian. You don't know ANYTHING! |
| 8177 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
Michael! Michael. Michael ... |
| 8178 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Oh, God! |
| 8179 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
Oh... |
| 8180 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ... |
| 8181 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
Poor little fella. |
| 8182 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Oh shhhh--oot! |
| 8183 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
He is a goner. |
| 8184 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
No, he's not. |
| 8185 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 8186 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
No, he's not. |
| 8187 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Dwight |
Michael, get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria! |
| 8188 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1388 |
Michael |
Well, you can't get diseases from a bird! |
| 8189 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1389 |
Angela |
A dead bird should not be in the kitchen! |
| 8190 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1389 |
Michael |
We don't know if it's dead. |
| 8191 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1389 |
Dwight |
You want me to flush him? |
| 8192 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1390 |
Michael |
Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird. |
| 8193 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1390 |
Meredith |
I have a lot of work to do. |
| 8194 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1390 |
Michael |
Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird. And now we are going to honor it. |
| 8195 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1390 |
Angela |
But... |
| 8196 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1390 |
Michael |
No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him. |
| 8197 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1391 |
Karen |
I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal. |
| 8198 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1391 |
Jim |
Nice! |
| 8199 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1391 |
Karen |
Bonjour. Je cherche des tchips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... merci quand meme. Au revoir. |
| 8200 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1391 |
Jim |
Sounded good. |
| 8201 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1391 |
Karen |
Thanks. |
| 8202 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1392 |
Michael |
It's okay. It's okay. Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show. |
| 8203 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1392 |
Kelly |
I mean, how many times to I have to confirm with Ryan for him to know that we have a date tonight? |
| 8204 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1393 |
Dwight |
Argh... gah! |
| 8205 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1393 |
Michael |
What are... What are you doing? |
| 8206 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1393 |
Dwight |
What? No, this is about the right size. |
| 8207 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1393 |
Michael |
No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!? |
| 8208 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1394 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry, I grew up on a farm. We slaughtered a pig whenever we wanted bacon. My grandfather was reburied in an old oil drum. It would have fit if he had given me another minute. |
| 8209 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
I need a box. I need a box. A small box... not too confining. |
| 8210 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Pam |
Is it for the bird? |
| 8211 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 8212 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Pam |
I have it covered. |
| 8213 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
Oh, thank you. |
| 8214 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Pam |
If you wanna do something for the funeral... |
| 8215 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
Yes, please. |
| 8216 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Pam |
Maybe you could play a song on your recorder. |
| 8217 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
Excellent. |
| 8218 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Pam |
Do you have it with you? |
| 8219 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1395 |
Dwight |
Always. |
| 8220 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1396 |
Pam |
Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is gonna turn into. |
| 8221 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1397 |
Karen |
Where'd you find them? |
| 8222 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1397 |
Jim |
Where'd I find what? |
| 8223 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1398 |
Jim |
I called the manufacturer, who referred me to distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me that they sell them in the machines in the building next door. |
| 8224 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1399 |
Michael |
Glad you could all make it. |
| 8225 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1399 |
Kelly |
You told us we had to. |
| 8226 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1399 |
Michael |
Dwight, do you have the box? |
| 8227 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1399 |
Pam |
Actually, I have it. |
| 8228 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1399 |
Michael |
You made this? Wow. That's... that's very nice. |
| 8229 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Pam |
I'd also like to say a few words if that's okay. |
| 8230 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 8231 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Pam |
What do we know about this bird? You might think, "Not much. It's just a bird." But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above. |
| 8232 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Kevin |
Oh, I remember that. That was SO funny. |
| 8233 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Pam |
And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what? I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song. |
| 8234 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Dwight |
He's not a songbird. |
| 8235 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Michael |
Shhh. |
| 8236 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Pam |
An impression, then. Lastly, we can't help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn't mean he was alone. Because I'm sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten. |
| 8237 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Angela |
Amen. |
| 8238 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1400 |
Pam |
Just smile for me and let the day begin. You are the sunshine that lights my heart within... on the wings of love ... |
| 8239 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1401 |
Michael |
Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown. |
| 8240 |
3 |
4 |
Grief Counseling |
1402 |
Dwight |
Let's get back to work. |
| 8241 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they? |
| 8242 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Ryan |
A dime and a nickel. |
| 8243 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
No, I said one of them is not a nickel. |
| 8244 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Ryan |
But the other one is. I've heard that before. |
| 8245 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
Ok. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, there is no way I can operate on this boy, ... |
| 8246 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Ryan |
Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother. |
| 8247 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
A man is found hanging from the ceiling... |
| 8248 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Ryan |
He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted. |
| 8249 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
A hunter. |
| 8250 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Ryan |
It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole. |
| 8251 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1403 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 8252 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Jan |
Tell me what you did yesterday. |
| 8253 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Michael |
Uhhh... nothing. |
| 8254 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Jan |
Nothing? |
| 8255 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Michael |
Yeah, nothing. How was your day? |
| 8256 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Jan |
I don't care how your day was Michael. |
| 8257 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Michael |
Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that? |
| 8258 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Jan |
Tell me what you did yesterday. |
| 8259 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1404 |
Michael |
I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had s*x. Is that what you want to hear? |
| 8260 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1405 |
Michael |
Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base. |
| 8261 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1406 |
Jan |
Hi, Pam. |
| 8262 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1406 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 8263 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1406 |
Jan |
I'm great. So, Pam I would like you to keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate. Ok? |
| 8264 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1406 |
Pam |
Oh, I don't know if I'm... |
| 8265 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1406 |
Jan |
Thanks Pam. |
| 8266 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1407 |
Pam |
It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five. |
| 8267 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1408 |
Dwight |
So you excited? |
| 8268 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1408 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 8269 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1408 |
Dwight |
Very excited? |
| 8270 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1408 |
Ryan |
Yes. I'm very excited. |
| 8271 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1408 |
Dwight |
Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool. |
| 8272 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1409 |
Ryan |
I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, um, I'm excited. |
| 8273 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1410 |
Dwight |
I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions? |
| 8274 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1411 |
Ryan |
So what if they're not talking much, then does it makes sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just 'till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? So where's the sales office? |
| 8275 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1411 |
Dwight |
When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now. |
| 8276 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 8277 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Jim |
What? |
| 8278 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Karen |
My chair is squeaking. |
| 8279 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Jim |
Is it? |
| 8280 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Karen |
You took my chair. |
| 8281 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Jim |
No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair. |
| 8282 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Karen |
When you get up, I'm just going to take it back anyway, so... |
| 8283 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1412 |
Jim |
So I guess I can't get up. |
| 8284 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1413 |
Michael |
Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too. |
| 8285 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1414 |
Dwight |
Do you know where we are, temp? |
| 8286 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1414 |
Ryan |
I know where we're not. |
| 8287 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1414 |
Dwight |
I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. AH! When... Damn it. |
| 8288 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Andy |
Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second. |
| 8289 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 8290 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Andy |
Can you stand up? And talk to me over there? |
| 8291 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Karen |
That's it? That's what you came up with? |
| 8292 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Andy |
I'm acting my heart out here. |
| 8293 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Karen |
Really? |
| 8294 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1415 |
Andy |
Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped. |
| 8295 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1416 |
Announcer |
Attention Scranton Business Park, there will be complimentary pretzels in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants. |
| 8296 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1417 |
Pam |
Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is. |
| 8297 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1418 |
Michael |
Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me. |
| 8298 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1419 |
Michael |
Oh, shhh... Come on. |
| 8299 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Dwight |
And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you. |
| 8300 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Ryan |
I don't think you know what you're saying. |
| 8301 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Dwight |
Smells pretty bad, doesn't it? |
| 8302 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Ryan |
Uh huh. |
| 8303 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Dwight |
It's called bull crap and a client can smell it from a mile away. |
| 8304 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Ryan |
Gotcha. |
| 8305 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Dwight |
Oh hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back. |
| 8306 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1420 |
Ryan |
Ok. Of course. |
| 8307 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1421 |
Stanley |
I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like pretzel day. |
| 8308 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Kelly |
Because they acted all tough and everything... |
| 8309 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
Uh huh. |
| 8310 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Kelly |
But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes, right? I want to... |
| 8311 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing? |
| 8312 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Phyllis |
I'm just saying hi to Bob. |
| 8313 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
No, I think you're cutting in line. |
| 8314 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Bob Vance |
Well settle down, Scott. |
| 8315 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
No, I'm not going to settle down. |
| 8316 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Stanley |
No way. |
| 8317 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
Get in the back please. |
| 8318 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Stanley |
Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line. |
| 8319 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Michael |
Boooooo. Thank you. . That's right. |
| 8320 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Bob Vance |
What a pair of Mary's. |
| 8321 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1422 |
Stanley |
This is Pretzel Day. |
| 8322 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1423 |
Ryan |
Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship. |
| 8323 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1423 |
Dwight |
Congratulations resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm. |
| 8324 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Jim |
Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me, |
| 8325 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Karen |
stop. |
| 8326 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Jim |
Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me |
| 8327 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Karen |
This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please. |
| 8328 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Jim |
fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me, |
| 8329 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Karen |
This is not a proportionate response. |
| 8330 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1424 |
Jim |
Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. |
| 8331 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1425 |
Andy |
I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys? |
| 8332 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 8333 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Michael |
No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind. |
| 8334 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Pam |
Great! I thought you could use this time to authorize some checks. |
| 8335 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Michael |
I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel. |
| 8336 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Pam |
Hey, why don't you just go up to your office, get some work done, and I'll just bring you a pretzel. |
| 8337 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Michael |
Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown. |
| 8338 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Pam |
You know, I just think it's really important that you be productive today. |
| 8339 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1426 |
Michael |
Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back. |
| 8340 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1427 |
Dwight |
It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness. |
| 8341 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1427 |
Ryan |
Look man, I was in a frat in college. So I know what you're doing. I get it. |
| 8342 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1427 |
Dwight |
You know what your problem is? You know why you haven't made any sales? Cause you think you know everything. You have to trust that maybe there are other people that can teach you things. Are you ready to learn? Are you ready for the final test? |
| 8343 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1427 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 8344 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1427 |
Dwight |
Come on! |
| 8345 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Stanley |
Thank you! |
| 8346 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Michael |
Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left. |
| 8347 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Pretzel guy |
We do. |
| 8348 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Michael |
Thank God. |
| 8349 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Pretzel guy |
And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&M's, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallow, nuts, toffee nuts, coconuts, peanut butter drizzle, Oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar. |
| 8350 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Michael |
Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them? |
| 8351 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Pretzel guy |
The Works. You got it. |
| 8352 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1428 |
Michael |
All right! Thank you! |
| 8353 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1429 |
Dwight |
Please be seated. |
| 8354 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1429 |
Ryan |
Who was that? |
| 8355 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1429 |
Dwight |
Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground. |
| 8356 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1429 |
Ryan |
Is that your Cousin Mose? |
| 8357 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1429 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 8358 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1430 |
Dwight |
Mose is my cousin and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today in which case, I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore. |
| 8359 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1431 |
Dwight |
What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin? |
| 8360 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1431 |
Ryan |
Outsourcing and consolidation of competition. |
| 8361 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1431 |
Dwight |
Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's suicide? |
| 8362 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1431 |
Ryan |
Depression? |
| 8363 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1431 |
Dwight |
Wrong. He hated himself. What is the DHARMA initiative? |
| 8364 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Kelly |
I can't believe that Ryan is not back yet. Where could they be? |
| 8365 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Angela |
Sales take a long time. |
| 8366 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, I'm so worried. |
| 8367 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Angela |
I'm sure Dwight will protect him. |
| 8368 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Kelly |
I don't know. Dwight's so weird. |
| 8369 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Angela |
He's not weird, he's just individualistic. |
| 8370 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Kelly |
No, he's a freak. |
| 8371 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1432 |
Angela |
You're a freak! |
| 8372 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Dwight |
Final question, young Ryan Howard. What is Michael Scott's greatest fear? |
| 8373 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Ryan |
Um, loneliness. Maybe women. |
| 8374 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Dwight |
Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes. Fear is what it's all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose. |
| 8375 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Ryan |
No. Ok. All right. All right. It's over. This is over. OK. |
| 8376 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Dwight |
Wrestle him to the ground. |
| 8377 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Ryan |
No, you're a freak. I'm not doing this anymore. This is over. Goodbye. |
| 8378 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Dwight |
Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan? |
| 8379 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Cousin Mose |
Bye, Ryan. He seemed nice. |
| 8380 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1433 |
Dwight |
Where are all the animals? |
| 8381 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1434 |
Dwight |
Ryan, come on. I am sorry. I am sorry. Mose is sorry too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs and some fat back bacon. And look, something he whittled. |
| 8382 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1435 |
Dwight |
You still mad? It's just Jim and I didn't get along, and I didn't want it to be that way again. You know, I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team that competed against other teams. |
| 8383 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1435 |
Ryan |
Look, that, that's not what I wanted, ok. I just wanted to go on a sales call. |
| 8384 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1435 |
Dwight |
Screwgun. The sales call! |
| 8385 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1436 |
Kevin |
Hey! Hey! |
| 8386 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1436 |
Michael |
Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal? |
| 8387 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1437 |
Dwight |
Establish time frames. Keep the phrase "real dollars" in their head. And always keep the power in the conversation. That's why you're losing them on the cold calls. Cause you say the word please too much. |
| 8388 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1437 |
Ryan |
Wait, can you go back? |
| 8389 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1437 |
Dwight |
Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time. |
| 8390 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Ryan |
Ok, I'm going to establish time frames. |
| 8391 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 8392 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Ryan |
I'm going to put everything in terms of "real dollars". |
| 8393 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Dwight |
Right. |
| 8394 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Ryan |
I'm going to ask a lot of questions that all have sort of positive answers. |
| 8395 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Dwight |
Uh huh. |
| 8396 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Ryan |
Saying, that would be better, or we would like that. That sort of thing. |
| 8397 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Dwight |
Exactly. Yes. |
| 8398 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1438 |
Ryan |
I'm going to try to be confident, but not cocky. |
| 8399 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Michael |
Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second... |
| 8400 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Toby |
Second? |
| 8401 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Michael |
Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you. |
| 8402 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Kevin |
Account...? Michael, what is going on? |
| 8403 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Michael |
And I will be taking questions. |
| 8404 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Pam |
Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael? |
| 8405 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Phyllis |
What's on your suit? |
| 8406 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1439 |
Michael |
Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much! |
| 8407 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1440 |
Ryan |
They really didn't like me. |
| 8408 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1440 |
Dwight |
They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face. |
| 8409 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1440 |
Ryan |
I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong. |
| 8410 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1440 |
Dwight |
Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail. It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over. What are you doing? Oh no no no no! Ryan! Yes! Ryan the temp! Come on! Courtesy of Dunder Mifflin. Come on! Drive. |
| 8411 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1440 |
Ryan |
You drive. |
| 8412 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1441 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh, hi Jan. He's, uh, on a sales call. No message? Bye, Jan. |
| 8413 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1442 |
Dwight |
Temp! Temp! Temp! Temp! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes! Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere. |
| 8414 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1442 |
Ryan |
I think about that all the time. |
| 8415 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Kevin |
Night, Pam. |
| 8416 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Night. |
| 8417 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
Hey, what time is it? |
| 8418 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
20 past 5. |
| 8419 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
AM or PM? |
| 8420 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
PM. |
| 8421 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
Oh, good. |
| 8422 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
These came for you. Contracts? Brent Koselli? |
| 8423 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
Oh. Koselli. With the Jello. |
| 8424 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
This is a huge sale. |
| 8425 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
Yes. Right. Good. |
| 8426 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Night, Michael. |
| 8427 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Michael |
Goodnight! |
| 8428 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 8429 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Ah, hey. |
| 8430 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Oh my God. |
| 8431 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 8432 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 8433 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension. It's a fantasy football thing. |
| 8434 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 8435 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
And I was just going to go through the system cause I didn't think you'd be there. Why, why are you still there? |
| 8436 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
I had to work late. Jan's making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day. |
| 8437 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Wow. Do you think you could send me a copy of that? |
| 8438 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Yeah, totally. So... |
| 8439 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
So... |
| 8440 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Do you... |
| 8441 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. |
| 8442 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Uh, no, I um. Everything's pretty much the same here. |
| 8443 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Oh, good. |
| 8444 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
A little different. What time is it there? |
| 8445 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone. |
| 8446 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah. Right. |
| 8447 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
How far away did you think we were? |
| 8448 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
I don't know. It felt far. |
| 8449 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Yeah. I have a question for you. |
| 8450 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
What? |
| 8451 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
How many words per minute does the average person type? |
| 8452 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
I type 90. |
| 8453 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90. |
| 8454 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
It's true. |
| 8455 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Ok, I said average. |
| 8456 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
70? How many do you type? |
| 8457 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Forget it. I was just about to brag but forget it. |
| 8458 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
Come on. Tell me. |
| 8459 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
No. |
| 8460 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
You have to tell me now. |
| 8461 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
65. Ok, no need to laugh. |
| 8462 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Pam |
No, it's, that's respectable. |
| 8463 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1443 |
Jim |
Respectable? |
| 8464 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
So ok. I'm watching the movie, by myself... |
| 8465 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 8466 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Because I just wanted a relaxing evening at home... |
| 8467 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 8468 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
And, I'm freaking out. |
| 8469 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 8470 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
That movie is so scary! |
| 8471 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
I know! |
| 8472 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
But I'm holding on because I keep waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up. |
| 8473 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
No way. How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later? |
| 8474 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Because I got it at Blockbuster and they don't put the pictures on the box. |
| 8475 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
No, you're making this up! |
| 8476 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Would I make that up? |
| 8477 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Yes. Fancy New Beesley would make that up. New apartment, new stories. |
| 8478 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, in my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet. |
| 8479 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
And how many kitchens? |
| 8480 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
I have one kitchen. |
| 8481 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Wow, you got totally taken for a ride Beesley. |
| 8482 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
It's actually... |
| 8483 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Most apartments these days have like three. |
| 8484 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Three kitchens? |
| 8485 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Yes! How are you going to cook every meal of the day in one kitchen? |
| 8486 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Hey, Ryan, are you ok? |
| 8487 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Pam? |
| 8488 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Ryan |
Yeah. Yeah. |
| 8489 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Pam? |
| 8490 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Um. Ok, bye. |
| 8491 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah, I should, I should, I should probably go too. |
| 8492 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
No, I was um... |
| 8493 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Oh, no no. |
| 8494 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
You have to go? |
| 8495 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Yeah, uh, well. |
| 8496 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
No, I should probably go too. |
| 8497 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 8498 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
I mean, yeah. |
| 8499 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Jim |
Yeah. Bye Pam. |
| 8500 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1444 |
Pam |
Bye Jim. |
| 8501 |
3 |
5 |
Initiation |
1445 |
Stanley |
Three hundred and sixty four days, 'till the next Pretzel Day. |
| 8502 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1446 |
Kelly |
Here you go. |
| 8503 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1446 |
Michael |
Nice dress, Ryan. |
| 8504 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1446 |
Kelly |
It's not a dress. It's a kurta. |
| 8505 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1446 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 8506 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1447 |
Michael |
Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween. |
| 8507 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1448 |
Kelly |
You look so handsome. |
| 8508 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1448 |
Pam |
Really you do. I love the material. |
| 8509 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1448 |
Kelly |
I know. |
| 8510 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1448 |
Michael |
How come you didn't get me one? |
| 8511 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1448 |
Kelly |
I... |
| 8512 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1449 |
Phyllis |
Ok, so, between Meredith's Mini-van and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about twelve people. |
| 8513 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1449 |
Pam |
I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired. |
| 8514 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1449 |
Meredith |
Do you want to make Appletini's and watch 's*x and the City' at my place? |
| 8515 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1449 |
Pam |
Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet. |
| 8516 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Kelly |
I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought we were really close friends. |
| 8517 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Pam |
I just feel kind of tired, you know. |
| 8518 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Dwight |
Maybe you've got mono. |
| 8519 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Pam |
Maybe. I just ...I don't really have anyone to go with. |
| 8520 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Kelly |
Well, go with Dwight. He's single, too. Right? |
| 8521 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1450 |
Dwight |
Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available. |
| 8522 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1451 |
Kevin |
Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight? |
| 8523 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1451 |
Roy |
I don't know. Who's... uh, who's going? |
| 8524 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1451 |
Kevin |
Oooh. Do you mean like, is Pam going? |
| 8525 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1451 |
Angela |
Don't go. They eat monkey brains. |
| 8526 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1451 |
Michael |
Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional. |
| 8527 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1452 |
Michael |
It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby. |
| 8528 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1452 |
Stanley |
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. |
| 8529 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1452 |
Michael |
Wha? Really? You should! It's fun. |
| 8530 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1453 |
Michael |
I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol. |
| 8531 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Michael |
Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on. |
| 8532 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Kelly |
Um... Diwali is awesome... and there's food... and there's going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um... |
| 8533 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Michael |
Kelly? |
| 8534 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Kelly |
Sparkles... |
| 8535 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Michael |
Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday. |
| 8536 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Kelly |
Oh, um... I don't know. It's really old, I think. |
| 8537 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Angela |
How many gods do you have? |
| 8538 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Kelly |
Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that. |
| 8539 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Angela |
And that blue busty gal? What's her story? |
| 8540 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Kevin |
She looks like Pam from the neck down. |
| 8541 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Dwight |
Pam wishes. Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwali is a Celebration of the Coronation of the God-King Rama. After his epic battle with Ravana, the Demon King of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil... |
| 8542 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1454 |
Michael |
All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'. |
| 8543 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1455 |
Jim |
Sorry. |
| 8544 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1456 |
Jim |
I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work. |
| 8545 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1457 |
Karen |
Nice basket. |
| 8546 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1457 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 8547 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1458 |
Michael |
Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... ' |
| 8548 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1458 |
Dwight |
I see dead people. |
| 8549 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1458 |
Michael |
Okay. Spoiler... alert. |
| 8550 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1458 |
Dwight |
He was dead the whole time. |
| 8551 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1458 |
Michael |
Just stop it. What's the... oh, whoa! Where did that come from? |
| 8552 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1459 |
Tony |
Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your skinny, little arms. |
| 8553 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1459 |
Karen |
Oh. Did you shake it? |
| 8554 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1459 |
Tony |
Yeah, I shook it, I shook it. |
| 8555 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Andy |
We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I. |
| 8556 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Jim |
'Scuse me? |
| 8557 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Andy |
Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane. |
| 8558 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 8559 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Andy |
From 'Cheers'. |
| 8560 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1460 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 8561 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
And another thing about the Indian people... they love s*x positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before? |
| 8562 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Creed |
I have. That's the 'Union of the Monkey'. |
| 8563 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Meredith |
Oh, that's what they call it. |
| 8564 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Kevin |
This is the best meeting we've ever had. |
| 8565 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
Thank you, Kevin. |
| 8566 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Angela |
I find this incredibly offensive. |
| 8567 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
Well, I find it beautiful. |
| 8568 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Angela |
Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine but we shouldn't all be subjected to it. |
| 8569 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
No... |
| 8570 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Toby |
Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these. |
| 8571 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
No, You're not going to collect them. |
| 8572 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 8573 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1461 |
Michael |
No. This is delightful, charming culture. |
| 8574 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1462 |
Michael |
My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just s*x. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight. |
| 8575 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1463 |
Josh |
All right. Think you guys should be all set. Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner. |
| 8576 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1463 |
Karen |
Thanks. |
| 8577 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1463 |
Josh |
And Karen? Let's keep it to twenty dollars a person this time. |
| 8578 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1463 |
Karen |
Got it. |
| 8579 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1464 |
Jim |
Once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation... which, amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds. |
| 8580 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1465 |
Andy |
You guys ready to party? |
| 8581 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1465 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 8582 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1465 |
Andy |
I said are you ready TO PARTY! |
| 8583 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1466 |
Phyllis |
Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes? |
| 8584 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1466 |
Angela |
I wish some of us still had our shoes on. |
| 8585 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1466 |
Kevin |
Stop it. It's a disease! I've told you. |
| 8586 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Carol |
I thought you said this was a costume party! |
| 8587 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Michael |
What does that look like to you? |
| 8588 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Carol |
An Indian woman in a sari. |
| 8589 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Michael |
No one's even going to notice. |
| 8590 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Kevin |
Nice outfit. |
| 8591 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1467 |
Michael |
Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol. |
| 8592 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1468 |
Michael |
I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions... |
| 8593 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1468 |
Angela |
I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat? |
| 8594 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1468 |
Server |
It's all vegetarian. |
| 8595 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1468 |
Angela |
I'll just have some bread. You used your hands. |
| 8596 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1469 |
Michael |
Oh, yuck. |
| 8597 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1469 |
Carol |
What? Too spicy? |
| 8598 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1469 |
Michael |
No. These s'mores are disgusting. |
| 8599 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1469 |
Carol |
They're not s'mores. They're samosas. |
| 8600 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1469 |
Michael |
Do you think they have any s'mores? |
| 8601 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1470 |
Michael |
All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been? |
| 8602 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Ryan |
So, you're Kelly's sisters, huh? |
| 8603 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Girls |
Kelly Zach Braff |
| 8604 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 8605 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Kelly |
Ruka, Nipa, Tiffany. Stop acting like such little losers and just be cool. Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone. I hate you guys. |
| 8606 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Ryan |
They said something about Zach Braff. |
| 8607 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Kelly |
Don't even listen to them. They're so... |
| 8608 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1471 |
Ryan |
No, you don't... |
| 8609 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1472 |
Pam |
Very official. |
| 8610 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1473 |
Pam |
I decided to come. Uh... I feel a little under-dressed... but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean? |
| 8611 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1474 |
Dwight |
Temp! Temp! Pflut! Pflut! |
| 8612 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1475 |
Kelly |
I don't even want to hear it. Okay. I didn't come this Diwali to get yelled at! |
| 8613 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1475 |
Kelly's Mom |
Stop it right now. Ryan is a temporary worker, makes no money. Wally is a whole doctor. So handsome. |
| 8614 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1475 |
Kelly |
Uh... excuse me. I want to get a... |
| 8615 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1475 |
Kelly's Mom |
He's a perfect match. |
| 8616 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Andy |
Hey, Big Tuna, you ready? |
| 8617 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 8618 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Andy |
One. Two. Three. Shot! |
| 8619 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Jim |
Oh, Holy Mother of God. |
| 8620 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Andy |
Oh, that burns! Golly. Um... |
| 8621 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Jim |
Good. |
| 8622 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1476 |
Karen |
Ooh. |
| 8623 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1477 |
Overhead |
Looking so crazy, my baby. I'm not myself lately. I'm foolish. I don't do this. I've been playing myself. Baby I don't care. Cuz your love got the best of me. And baby you're making a fool of me. |
| 8624 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Michael |
Wow, thirty years? And you two only met once before the wedding night? |
| 8625 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Kelly's Father |
Yes. |
| 8626 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 8627 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Kelly's Father |
How long have you been married to the cheerleader? |
| 8628 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Michael |
Oh! She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party! Um... no, we're not married... yet! |
| 8629 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Kelly's Mom |
She is very fair. |
| 8630 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1478 |
Michael |
She is. Very fair and very kind. So... um... tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool. Ok. Thanks! |
| 8631 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1479 |
Andy |
One. Two. Three. Shot! |
| 8632 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1479 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 8633 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Carol |
Are you okay? |
| 8634 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Michael |
I'm going to be. Hi, I'm just going to get this for a sec... just a sec. Um... everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention, please. Thank you. Ah-hah... Hi. Sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um... okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking 'who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado, Carol? Carol Stills. I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband. |
| 8635 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Crowd |
Awww! |
| 8636 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Carol |
Oh, Michael. |
| 8637 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Michael |
What do you say? |
| 8638 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Carol |
Can we talk about this in private? |
| 8639 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Michael |
I didn't hear you. |
| 8640 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Carol |
Can we talk about this in private? |
| 8641 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1480 |
Michael |
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Okay. |
| 8642 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Michael |
No. I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. This is a classic... |
| 8643 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Carol |
This is the ninth date, Michael. |
| 8644 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, but I ... I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but... Carol. Carol, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much. |
| 8645 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Carol |
I better go. Okay, you can find a way home, all right? |
| 8646 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 8647 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Carol |
Okay. |
| 8648 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Michael |
Ok. Okay. Good night. Hey, you know what? Why don't I come with you. Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra. |
| 8649 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Carol |
Okay, good night, Michael. |
| 8650 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1481 |
Michael |
All right. Good night. |
| 8651 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Ryan |
Well, I was a Temp but I got promoted. So, um... the compensation is a lot more competitive. |
| 8652 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Kelly's Mom |
So you're saving money... |
| 8653 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Ryan |
Yes. |
| 8654 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Kelly's Mom |
...to start a family and home. |
| 8655 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Ryan |
Oh, um... or travel. And,um... and buy an Xbox. |
| 8656 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1482 |
Kelly's Father |
Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight? |
| 8657 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1483 |
Pam |
Can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? That is so Michael. |
| 8658 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1483 |
Young Man |
Is it? He's really outgoing, huh? |
| 8659 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1483 |
Pam |
Yeah. Hey, would you excuse me for a second? |
| 8660 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1484 |
Pam |
It's hot in there. How's the naan? |
| 8661 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1484 |
Angela |
Dry. You look like you were having fun. |
| 8662 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1484 |
Pam |
I am. You should come dance with us. |
| 8663 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1484 |
Angela |
I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. Who were you texting? |
| 8664 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1484 |
Pam |
No one. |
| 8665 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy |
I went to the doctor. I went to the mountains. I looked to the children... |
| 8666 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Karen |
Andy, no acappella. |
| 8667 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy |
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain. |
| 8668 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy, Jim |
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line |
| 8669 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy |
Wait, wait. |
| 8670 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy, Jim |
the less I seek my source... |
| 8671 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Karen |
Oh, come on, guys. Please. |
| 8672 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy, Jim |
the closer I am to fi-i-i-ne. The closer I am to.. |
| 8673 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Karen |
It's not good. |
| 8674 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy, Jim |
fi-i-i-ine! |
| 8675 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1485 |
Andy |
TUNA! Are you kidding me!! |
| 8676 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
Oh, God! Oh. Wow. |
| 8677 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
Here. |
| 8678 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
That's so spicy. |
| 8679 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 8680 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
Oh. You waiting for a call? |
| 8681 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
Uh... no. |
| 8682 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
Wow. Pam. When Carol said 'No.' tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements. |
| 8683 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
Well, you were never really engaged. |
| 8684 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
I was in that marriage arena, though. |
| 8685 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 8686 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
Yeah. Uuuuh... well. |
| 8687 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
I kind of thought something would happen tonight too. |
| 8688 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
We're so alike. So alike. |
| 8689 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
What are you doing? |
| 8690 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 8691 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
I'm rejecting your... |
| 8692 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
I'm... what? I didn't |
| 8693 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
...kiss. |
| 8694 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Michael |
Can I have a ride home? |
| 8695 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1486 |
Pam |
If you sit in the back. |
| 8696 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1487 |
Karen |
Goodnight, guys. |
| 8697 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1487 |
Jim |
Can I have a ride, man? I... uh... I have my bike. |
| 8698 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1487 |
Andy |
No way, dude. I am not driving home. I have brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it though. It's a roomy twin. |
| 8699 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1487 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 8700 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 8701 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Karen |
Hey dummy, get in the car! |
| 8702 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Jim |
I'm a drunk driver. |
| 8703 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Karen |
Yes, you are. Here. Let me take that. Just... uh... get in the car. |
| 8704 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Jim |
Man, you can really hold your liquor, Billabelli. |
| 8705 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Karen |
Yeah, you can't. |
| 8706 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Jim |
No kidding. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right. |
| 8707 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Karen |
Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay? |
| 8708 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Jim |
So good. |
| 8709 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1488 |
Karen |
Good. |
| 8710 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1489 |
Michael |
These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'. |
| 8711 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1489 |
Pam |
You say one more word; I'm stopping the car. |
| 8712 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1489 |
Michael |
Sorry. |
| 8713 |
3 |
6 |
Diwali |
1490 |
Michael |
This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali! |
| 8714 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1491 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 8715 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1491 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 8716 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1491 |
Karen |
Who are you faxing so early in the morning? |
| 8717 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1491 |
Jim |
Oh, umm... kinda hard to explain. |
| 8718 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1492 |
Jim |
I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. "Dwight, at 8 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight." |
| 8719 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1493 |
Dwight |
No! You'll thank me later. |
| 8720 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
There she is - Jan Levinson. First... |
| 8721 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 8722 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
...thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan. |
| 8723 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 8724 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby. |
| 8725 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 8726 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 8727 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch. |
| 8728 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
I don't understand. |
| 8729 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
The board voted last night to close your branch. |
| 8730 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
On whom's authority? |
| 8731 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
The board's. |
| 8732 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
What? |
| 8733 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
I'm very sorry. I don't relish telling you this. You've been a big part of this company, and the board asked me to thank you for your years of service. |
| 8734 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 8735 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages. |
| 8736 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Am I a small number person or a severance package person? |
| 8737 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet. But you're a severance package person. |
| 8738 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Oh... Oh, my god. Oh, my god! I don't really get it 'cause we're not doing that bad and our numbers are gonna come up. |
| 8739 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Well, it's not all about numbers, Michael. |
| 8740 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 8741 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
It's... it's about talent. |
| 8742 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Oh, you gotta be... Josh? |
| 8743 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Jan |
Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future. |
| 8744 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1494 |
Michael |
Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe? |
| 8745 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1495 |
Michael |
It is an outrage, that's all. It's... hey're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm. |
| 8746 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1496 |
Michael |
Pictures. Memories. Look at that. They grow up so fast. |
| 8747 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1497 |
Dwight |
Hey stranger. |
| 8748 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1497 |
Michael |
Don't say that. That just sounds weird. Please. |
| 8749 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1497 |
Dwight |
Sorry. I just feel like we haven't talked in awhile. |
| 8750 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1497 |
Michael |
Well... we have nothin to talk about, Dwight. Just do your work ... while you still can. |
| 8751 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1498 |
Dwight |
When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is, "Something Weird is Going On." Colon, "What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott, with Dwight Schrute." |
| 8752 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1499 |
Karen |
Hey, um... did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton Branch is... |
| 8753 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1499 |
Jim |
Really? Wow... that's bad. |
| 8754 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1499 |
Andy |
Um, sorry... the Scranton branch is closing? In your face! |
| 8755 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1499 |
Jim |
Well, I work here now. |
| 8756 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1499 |
Andy |
Mmmm.. suck-ah! |
| 8757 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
Are you okay? |
| 8758 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
Yeah, great! Amazing. Best physical condition of my life. |
| 8759 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
What did Jan want? |
| 8760 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
Nothing. Just checking in. I can't tell you, so... |
| 8761 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
What can't you tell me? |
| 8762 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
Nothing, Pam. What difference does it make? We'll be gone in a couple of weeks anyway. |
| 8763 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
What?! |
| 8764 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
What? |
| 8765 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
You just said that we're gonna be gone...? |
| 8766 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
Do I have any messages? |
| 8767 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Pam |
Michael, what's going on? |
| 8768 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1500 |
Michael |
Ok, ok... |
| 8769 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Michael |
Listen up, everybody... I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton is being shut down. |
| 8770 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Toby |
Michael, uh... we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made. |
| 8771 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Michael |
You knew about this all along, didn't you? |
| 8772 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Toby |
Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you. |
| 8773 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Michael |
Traitor. You are a traitor. |
| 8774 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Angela |
What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs? |
| 8775 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1501 |
Michael |
I don't know. Probably not. This is the worst. |
| 8776 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1502 |
Ryan |
It makes perfect sense that it would happen today because I just received this in the mail. A thousand business cards with this address and phone number. |
| 8777 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1503 |
Angela |
I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame. |
| 8778 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1504 |
Kelly |
If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like Romeo and Juliet, the Claire Danes one. |
| 8779 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1505 |
Andy |
Stamford, Connecticut! Stamford, Connecticut! |
| 8780 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1506 |
Jim |
I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And uh, it's going to be weird that it's all disappearing. I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans. |
| 8781 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1507 |
Stanley |
I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. I really couldn't be happier. |
| 8782 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1508 |
Pam |
It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone, "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam." So, maybe that'll stop now. |
| 8783 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1509 |
Roy |
What does that mean? |
| 8784 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1509 |
Kevin |
Well, some of us are fired and a few are going to Connecticut. |
| 8785 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1510 |
Roy |
I don't really want to work here without Pam. You know that Cinderella song, "You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words. |
| 8786 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Darryl |
Hey Mike. |
| 8787 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Michael |
Darryl. Noble Darryl. |
| 8788 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Darryl |
Look, I heard about the office. Tough break. |
| 8789 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Michael |
I know, I know. Well, I'll land on my feet. Don't worry about me. |
| 8790 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Darryl |
I wasn't. |
| 8791 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Michael |
So, you'll be okay too. You're a warrior. You're smart, capable. You'll find something else and... |
| 8792 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Darryl |
Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse. So he's keeping on the whole crew. So, we good. |
| 8793 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1511 |
Michael |
Awesome. |
| 8794 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1512 |
Michael |
This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance. |
| 8795 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1513 |
Michael |
All right, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing. But, I am not going to take this lying down. I have a plan and I am going to save our jobs. So just hang in there. Let's go. |
| 8796 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1513 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 8797 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1513 |
Pam |
Oh, good... you're bringing Dwight. |
| 8798 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1513 |
Michael |
Yes. This might get ugly. I need backup. |
| 8799 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Dwight |
What's the plan? |
| 8800 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Michael |
Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he's making a mistake... save the branch. |
| 8801 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Dwight |
Can I drive? |
| 8802 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Michael |
No... way. |
| 8803 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Dwight |
Shotgun! |
| 8804 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Michael |
No. There's no one else. |
| 8805 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1514 |
Dwight |
Still. |
| 8806 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Dwight |
Thank you very much. Okay, secretary says Wallace is away for the day and won't be coming back into the office. |
| 8807 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. Um... |
| 8808 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Dwight |
But, do not worry. I have his home address right here. |
| 8809 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 8810 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Dwight |
Christmas card list. |
| 8811 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Michael |
You sent him cards? You never met him. |
| 8812 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1515 |
Dwight |
But when I do, we'll have something to talk about. |
| 8813 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Jim |
Hey, do you have a second? |
| 8814 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Josh |
Sure, what's up? |
| 8815 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Jim |
I know it's not definite or whatever, but uh, do you know who's coming over here from Scranton? |
| 8816 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Josh |
I honestly don't. I don't know. |
| 8817 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Jim |
Okay, so is it like sales or... accountants? |
| 8818 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Josh |
You know what, Jim, I wouldn't worry about it. |
| 8819 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1516 |
Jim |
What does that mean? |
| 8820 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1517 |
Jan |
Hi. |
| 8821 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1517 |
Josh |
Jan, hey. |
| 8822 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1517 |
Jan |
Oh, good. You're both here. Ready to talk logistics? |
| 8823 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1518 |
Ryan |
I just feel like it could have been something special if we could have kept working together, but I'm gonna go someplace else and you're gonna go someplace else. It just doesn't make sense. |
| 8824 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1519 |
Ryan |
This kinda worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience. Uh, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation. And as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best. |
| 8825 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1520 |
Michael |
Okay, this is it. This is exactly what Michael Moore does, famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera and he's like "Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person." It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of 'Bowling for Columbine', because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie, like 'Kingpin'. And it wasn't. It was something else. |
| 8826 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
So, Josh will be running what is now called Dunder-Mifflin ,Northeast, which is all the offices north of Stamford. And Jim, fi you want the job, you'll be his number two. |
| 8827 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Josh |
Wow. Uh, sure. Absolutely. |
| 8828 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
Awesome. |
| 8829 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Josh |
Excuse me, Jan, I'm sorry... I'm gonna have to stop you there. I, um, will not be taking the job. |
| 8830 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
Wha... excuse... why not? |
| 8831 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Josh |
As of today, I have accepted a senior managment position at Staples. |
| 8832 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
Today? |
| 8833 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
You leveraged your new position with us into another offer? |
| 8834 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
Damn it, Josh. This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you. I... |
| 8835 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Josh |
I'm sorry, all right? It's done, it's done. |
| 8836 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jan |
I'm gonna make some calls. |
| 8837 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1521 |
Jim |
Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that. |
| 8838 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
So, do you know what you're gonna say when he shows up? |
| 8839 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
I will improvise. I will speak from the heart. |
| 8840 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
No. Bad idea. You need an attack plan. Here, I'll be him, you be you. Let's practice. |
| 8841 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 8842 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Dum, dum, dum, dum... coming home from work. |
| 8843 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? David Wallace? |
| 8844 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Yes? What is the meaning of this? |
| 8845 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work? |
| 8846 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Well, the branch is no longer finicially viable. It's simple dollars and cents. |
| 8847 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Yes, but these are employees, Sir. These are human beings. |
| 8848 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Listen, Scott... we're losing money, okay? It's not a charity; it's a business. And it's a dying business. |
| 8849 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Stop... stop it! Just, okay. He's not going to say any of that. |
| 8850 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Whoa hey, why not? |
| 8851 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Because he'd be intimidated and I, just... let's start again. Just be more scared of me, okay? |
| 8852 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 8853 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Don't touch me this time. |
| 8854 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Dum, dum, dum, du, doy, du, do... coming home from work... |
| 8855 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Michael |
Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? |
| 8856 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1522 |
Dwight |
Uh! |
| 8857 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jan |
So... we are still scrambling here. But uh, it looks like Scranton is going to absorb Stamford. |
| 8858 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 8859 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jan |
And I know that you just left there a couple of months ago, but we would like to offer you the number two position at that branch. |
| 8860 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 8861 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jan |
Yeah. |
| 8862 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jim |
No, it's just I'm not sure if I um... well to be quite honest with you, Jan, I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton. And um... |
| 8863 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 8864 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jim |
No. No, no. Just um... some personal stuff. And I'm not really ready to revist that, I don't think. |
| 8865 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jan |
Ah. Well, please think about it. And call me. We will do whatever we can to get you to stay. |
| 8866 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1523 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 8867 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Phyllis |
Hey guys. Uh, I'm trying to organize a little group lunch for everybody since you know, we're never gonna see each other again. |
| 8868 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Kevin |
Where are we going? |
| 8869 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Phyllis |
I thought maybe DJ's. |
| 8870 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Kevin |
How about Cugino's? |
| 8871 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Angela |
I don't want to go all the way to Dunmore. |
| 8872 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Kevin |
How 'bout Cooper's then? |
| 8873 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Angela |
No seafood. |
| 8874 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Kevin |
But, I don't want to go to DJ's. |
| 8875 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Angela |
Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky? |
| 8876 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Phyllis |
Okay, forget it. |
| 8877 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Kevin |
Hooters? |
| 8878 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1524 |
Angela |
No. |
| 8879 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1525 |
Dwight |
Ah. Here, replinish your fluids. |
| 8880 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1526 |
Jan |
Where's Michael? |
| 8881 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1526 |
Pam |
He's not here. I don't know where he is. |
| 8882 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1526 |
Jan |
Wha... what's going on here? |
| 8883 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1526 |
Phyllis |
We know the branch is closing; Michael told us. |
| 8884 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1526 |
Jan |
Ah, god. Okay. You know what everybody? I'm sure there is a better way to do this but I've drive something like 400 miles today and I'm completely exhausted so I'm just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing; Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all your jobs are safe. |
| 8885 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1527 |
Angela |
Yes! |
| 8886 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1527 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 8887 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1528 |
Phyllis |
Stanley! |
| 8888 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Pam |
Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something? |
| 8889 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Jan |
Well, reasons are not important. Would you just call him, please? Wherever he is... and tell him. |
| 8890 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Pam |
Sure, uh, Jan... um, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton? |
| 8891 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Jan |
Back? |
| 8892 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Pam |
Coming to Scranton. Is anyone coming to Scranton? |
| 8893 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1529 |
Jan |
Uh, we don't know. Probably. A few. |
| 8894 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1530 |
Dwight |
who is it? |
| 8895 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1530 |
Michael |
The office. |
| 8896 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1530 |
Dwight |
Gonna get it? |
| 8897 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1530 |
Michael |
No, not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news. |
| 8898 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Pam |
I guess some new people might be coming from Stamford. Should be fun. New blood. |
| 8899 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Ryan |
Is Jim coming back. |
| 8900 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Pam |
That's, um... I hadn't thought about it, huh. |
| 8901 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Ryan |
I just don't want it to be weird, you know? I mean, I took his old job and his old desk. |
| 8902 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Pam |
Yeah, that might be weird. Overall though, we still all have our jobs... so, good news, right? |
| 8903 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Ryan |
Oh, yeah, totally. |
| 8904 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1531 |
Kelly |
Ahhhhh! I'm so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! This is the best day of my whole l ife! |
| 8905 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Karen |
What you gonna do? |
| 8906 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Jim |
I really don't know. How you doing with all this? |
| 8907 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Karen |
You know, I'm fine. I'll be better when I know if I have a job. |
| 8908 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Jim |
You'd actually move to Scranton? |
| 8909 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Karen |
Yeah, if they let me, I think I... I think I would. |
| 8910 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Jim |
New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here. And you wanna move to Scranton? I dunno. If I were you I'd move to New York? |
| 8911 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1532 |
Karen |
Yeah, you know... I might do that. I, who knows? I... I might do that. |
| 8912 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1533 |
Josh |
Hey Andy! |
| 8913 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1533 |
Andy |
What's up, Josh? |
| 8914 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1533 |
Josh |
I just want to say thanks. Good luck. |
| 8915 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1533 |
Andy |
Thanks, man. You, too. Totally. |
| 8916 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
Anything? |
| 8917 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
Nothing. |
| 8918 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
What if this doesn't work? What is the office actually goes under? |
| 8919 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
Then it was an honor to have worked with you. |
| 8920 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
All right, favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history. Go. |
| 8921 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher. |
| 8922 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
That was hilarious. The foam ... |
| 8923 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
Uh,... my first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me. |
| 8924 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
Oh, right. Okay, that's enough. That's good. |
| 8925 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
What were your favorite moments? |
| 8926 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
Oh, hmm, all of them. I loved them all. Every single one. |
| 8927 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
What about when Jan said the branch was closing? |
| 8928 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Michael |
God, Dwight! |
| 8929 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1534 |
Dwight |
Well, it doesn't... |
| 8930 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Kevin |
Hey Pam, we're going to Poor Richards. Creed's buying shots. |
| 8931 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Pam |
No thanks, guys. |
| 8932 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Kevin |
All right. |
| 8933 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Pam |
Have fun though. |
| 8934 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Kevin |
Cool. |
| 8935 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Phyllis |
Hey, I hear Jim's coming back. |
| 8936 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Pam |
Really? Where did you hear that? |
| 8937 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Phyllis |
I was... |
| 8938 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Kevin |
Hey Ryan, you coming? |
| 8939 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Ryan |
Uh yeah, we'll meet you there. |
| 8940 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Kevin |
Awesome. Let's go, Phyllis. |
| 8941 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Phyllis |
I'll tell you later. |
| 8942 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1535 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 8943 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1536 |
Roy |
Crazy day, huh? |
| 8944 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1536 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 8945 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1536 |
Roy |
Yeah, man! I'm uh... I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here. |
| 8946 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1536 |
Pam |
Yeah, me too. |
| 8947 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1537 |
Pam |
Maybe this is good. Finding another job is a pain. There's another annoying boss, another desk, I'd have to learn everything all over again. So, there are reasons to stay. |
| 8948 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1538 |
Jim |
Hey, um, I think I am gonna take that job. And Scranton... it's not that bad. So, if they offer you a job there, I think you should take it. |
| 8949 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1538 |
Karen |
Okay, yeah. Maybe I will. |
| 8950 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1538 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 8951 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1539 |
Karen |
Yeah, I'm happy he said that. I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything, but, I'm kind of into him. So...there you go. |
| 8952 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home. Get the car. |
| 8953 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
Oh, this was such a stupid idea! This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore! |
| 8954 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
Oh my God! |
| 8955 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
What?! |
| 8956 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
Stranford is closed! Michael, we're not closed. Stamford is closed. Stamford is closed. |
| 8957 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
We did it? We did it. |
| 8958 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
We did it! |
| 8959 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael, Dwight |
We did it! We did it! |
| 8960 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
Right here! Right here! |
| 8961 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael, Dwight |
Ouu! Ou! Ouu! Ouu! |
| 8962 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
Yeah, baby! |
| 8963 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
In your face! |
| 8964 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
We did it! |
| 8965 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
Oh, man. |
| 8966 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
How did we do it? |
| 8967 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Dwight |
I don't ... have no idea. |
| 8968 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1540 |
Michael |
I don't understand. |
| 8969 |
3 |
7 |
Branch Closing |
1541 |
Toby |
Well for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But, Costa Rica will still be there. When I'm 65. |
| 8970 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1542 |
Jim |
The Stamford branch is closing and everybody's just packing up their stuff. Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats. |
| 8971 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Andy |
That's the other thing you got to watch out... Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott. |
| 8972 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 8973 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Andy |
So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines? |
| 8974 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Jim |
You know what? I think you just need to meet him. |
| 8975 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Andy |
Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you. |
| 8976 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Jim |
Sounds good Andy. |
| 8977 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Karen |
This is going to be an adventure. |
| 8978 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Jim |
Yes. This is going to be very interesting. All right, I'm out of here. See you later? |
| 8979 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Karen |
Right on. Hey is that Josh's computer? |
| 8980 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1543 |
Andy |
What? |
| 8981 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 8982 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Toby |
Hey. |
| 8983 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
How'd the run go? |
| 8984 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Toby |
Ah, pretty good. I finished. |
| 8985 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
That's great! |
| 8986 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Dwight |
Psh, why is that great? |
| 8987 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
Because he accomplished something. |
| 8988 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Dwight |
What was your mile time? |
| 8989 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Toby |
About seven. |
| 8990 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Dwight |
I could beat that on a skateboard. |
| 8991 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Toby |
Well, that has wheels. |
| 8992 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Dwight |
Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time. |
| 8993 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
Really, Dwight? How fast are you? |
| 8994 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Dwight |
Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake. |
| 8995 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1544 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 8996 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1545 |
Dwight |
I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther. |
| 8997 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
Man, what is taking Toby so long? |
| 8998 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
Oh, I'll just time him later. |
| 8999 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
And you'll compare the times? |
| 9000 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
Yeah. Are you ready? |
| 9001 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
No, my groin... |
| 9002 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
Set |
| 9003 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
...is really tight. |
| 9004 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
Go! |
| 9005 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
I can't... |
| 9006 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
Am I being mean to Dwight? I don't know. I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes. And on purpose. Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company. Hey, three more laps to go. Gotta pick it up if you're going to beat Toby. |
| 9007 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Dwight |
Aaaaah! |
| 9008 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1546 |
Pam |
I should probably get back to work. |
| 9009 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Michael |
Here... Who's here? |
| 9010 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Dwight |
Nametag? |
| 9011 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Michael |
Yes, please. |
| 9012 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Dwight |
Karen Filippelli. |
| 9013 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Michael |
Karen Filip... Ka-ren Fili-pell-li. |
| 9014 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Dwight |
Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino. |
| 9015 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1547 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 9016 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1548 |
Michael |
My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus. |
| 9017 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
Who's next? |
| 9018 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
That's Andy Bernard. |
| 9019 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
Andy Bernard. |
| 9020 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
If I were you... |
| 9021 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
Saint Bernard. |
| 9022 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
...I would fire Anthony Gardner... |
| 9023 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
What? |
| 9024 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
...before noon... |
| 9025 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
I'm not... |
| 9026 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
...to consolidate power. |
| 9027 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Michael |
I'm not firing somebody on the first day. |
| 9028 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1549 |
Dwight |
No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner. |
| 9029 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1550 |
Dwight |
The Japanese camp guards of World War II always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person. |
| 9030 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1551 |
Pam |
Good morning! |
| 9031 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1551 |
Michael |
Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league. |
| 9032 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1551 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 9033 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1552 |
Pam |
Yes! I'm in a good mood today! I'm excited to meet all the new people and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back. |
| 9034 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1553 |
Hannah |
Hello? |
| 9035 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1553 |
Michael |
Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr. |
| 9036 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1553 |
Dwight |
Hannah Smoterich-Barr. |
| 9037 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1553 |
Michael |
Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here. |
| 9038 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1554 |
Michael |
You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, this says 'World's Best Dad'. |
| 9039 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name? |
| 9040 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Tony |
Gardner. |
| 9041 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. Okay. |
| 9042 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Tony |
Thanks. |
| 9043 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Kevin |
Michael, I didn't get a gift bag. |
| 9044 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later. |
| 9045 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Hannah |
My bag's mostly pencils. |
| 9046 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy. |
| 9047 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Kevin |
Can I have your pencils? |
| 9048 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Hannah |
No. |
| 9049 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Pam |
Hi! |
| 9050 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Karen |
Hi. |
| 9051 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Pam |
I'm Pam. |
| 9052 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Karen |
Karen. I love your sweater. |
| 9053 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Pam |
Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me. |
| 9054 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Karen |
Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn... |
| 9055 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Welcome. |
| 9056 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Karen |
...to knit. |
| 9057 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Welcome, welcome, welcome! Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader. |
| 9058 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Karen |
Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian? |
| 9059 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1555 |
Michael |
Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh? |
| 9060 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1556 |
Andy |
I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. |
| 9061 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Andy |
Hello. |
| 9062 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Michael |
Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome! |
| 9063 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Andy |
And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello. |
| 9064 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Michael |
A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you. |
| 9065 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Andy |
Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike. |
| 9066 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 9067 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Andy |
Nifty! |
| 9068 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1557 |
Michael |
They are nifty! They're nifty gifties. |
| 9069 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1558 |
Michael |
You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him. |
| 9070 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Martin |
...which is why they need a passing game. |
| 9071 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 9072 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Michael |
No way. Get him out of here. We don't want any of this kind in here. Good to see you, man. |
| 9073 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 9074 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Michael |
How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? This is a little gift bag for you. |
| 9075 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Martin |
Oh! Thanks. |
| 9076 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Michael |
Free of charge. Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Not... so, your desk is... |
| 9077 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
Hi, I'm Jim. I'm new here. |
| 9078 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Pam |
Oh my god! It's really you! |
| 9079 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
Yeah, I was just doing a little joke there about how we'd never met... |
| 9080 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Pam |
I know. I don't care. |
| 9081 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
Awesome! Good to be back. The place looks really good. |
| 9082 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Pam |
It's really good to see you. |
| 9083 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1559 |
Jim |
You, too. |
| 9084 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1560 |
Jim |
Where do I stand with Pam? Um... no idea. I mean, we're friends. Always have been friends. Um... .that is where we stand. |
| 9085 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford. |
| 9086 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. |
| 9087 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
Fact - I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me. |
| 9088 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Okay. Sounds good. |
| 9089 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 9090 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 9091 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
I have a smudge on my forehead? |
| 9092 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
No. Looks good. |
| 9093 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
Why are you looking at my forehead? |
| 9094 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
I'm not. |
| 9095 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
Meet my eye line, Jim! |
| 9096 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
I am. |
| 9097 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Dwight |
Stop acting like an idiot! |
| 9098 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 9099 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
Hey, buddy. Welcome back. |
| 9100 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Hey! How are you man? Good to see... you. |
| 9101 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
I'm good! How are you? So... |
| 9102 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sitting here now? |
| 9103 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 9104 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 9105 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
Um... unless you really, really want it back. |
| 9106 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
You know, man, it's really you're call. |
| 9107 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
Cool, thank you. |
| 9108 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
Let me get that for you. |
| 9109 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Ryan |
Yuh. |
| 9110 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1561 |
Jim |
This one taken? No. Good. |
| 9111 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1562 |
Ryan |
Yeah. Jim is a nice guy. That's why I got the desk. |
| 9112 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1563 |
Toby |
Hey, this came with the Stamford book. Can you take care of it? |
| 9113 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1563 |
Kevin |
Oh, yes I can. |
| 9114 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1564 |
Kevin |
In general, they do not give me much responsibility. But they do let me shred the company documents. And that is really all I need. |
| 9115 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
Michael Scott. Thank you. I appreciate it, Mike. |
| 9116 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 9117 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Dwight |
Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 9118 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
Andy Bernard. Regional Director in Charge of Sales. |
| 9119 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Dwight |
So you'll be reporting to me, then. |
| 9120 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
Umm, on the contrary. |
| 9121 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Dwight |
My title has 'Manager' in it. |
| 9122 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
And I'm a director. |
| 9123 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 9124 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film? |
| 9125 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Dwight |
I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them. |
| 9126 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1565 |
Andy |
Congratulations. |
| 9127 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
Hey, Toby! |
| 9128 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
Hey, Jim! |
| 9129 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
How are you, man? |
| 9130 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
Oh, really good. |
| 9131 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
I just wanted to say hi. |
| 9132 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
How are you? Hey. Welcome back. |
| 9133 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
Oh. Is that like your new thing? |
| 9134 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
No, I'm sorry, it's... |
| 9135 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
No. It's cool. |
| 9136 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
No, it's nothing. We'll just... |
| 9137 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
All right. Good to be back. |
| 9138 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
So... okay. |
| 9139 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 9140 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
All right... sorry... sorry about that. |
| 9141 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
No problem. |
| 9142 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
It was just... |
| 9143 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Jim |
...what? |
| 9144 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1566 |
Toby |
Nothing. |
| 9145 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1567 |
Kevin |
This thing is so awesome. It will shred anything. Ooh! It will shred a CD. It will shred... a credit card. It will shred... oh! Shoot. |
| 9146 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
I present the orientation video. |
| 9147 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
We need to talk! |
| 9148 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
Not now. |
| 9149 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
Which is higher? Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in Charge of Sales? |
| 9150 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
I told you the titles are irrelevant. They just relate to pay scale. |
| 9151 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
Okay. So who gets paid more? Me or Andy? |
| 9152 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
It is not a matter of more or less. Your pay is just different. Okay? All right! Show time, part one. |
| 9153 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
Ok. Who reports to who? |
| 9154 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
I don't care! Dwight! You all report to me! That's all that matters! The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, ok? |
| 9155 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
And then if I want... |
| 9156 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
Work it out amongst your selves! |
| 9157 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
I... |
| 9158 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
Please! I have a company to run. Well, you let me run the company? |
| 9159 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
I... |
| 9160 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
Will you? |
| 9161 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Dwight |
One... |
| 9162 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1568 |
Michael |
Please? |
| 9163 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Kelly |
Jim! |
| 9164 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Jim |
Kelly! |
| 9165 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Kelly |
Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you! |
| 9166 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 9167 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Kelly |
Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing! |
| 9168 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Jim |
Great. What's new with you? |
| 9169 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1569 |
Kelly |
I just told you. |
| 9170 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1570 |
Michael |
Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please , the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in! |
| 9171 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Yoko shack. |
| 9172 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Male voice |
...thank you James. |
| 9173 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Meredith |
Hey, champagne. |
| 9174 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Nope, no. Guests only. |
| 9175 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Kelly |
Looks like salmon. |
| 9176 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo. |
| 9177 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Kelly |
I eat beef. |
| 9178 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy. |
| 9179 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Kevin |
The beef is poisoned? |
| 9180 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. Welcome. Help yourself. |
| 9181 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Toby |
Um... You might want these orientation materials. |
| 9182 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation. Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please. |
| 9183 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Jim |
Oh, this looks promising. |
| 9184 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Pam |
You won't be disappointed. |
| 9185 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1571 |
Michael |
Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch "Lazy Scranton". |
| 9186 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael |
Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'. |
| 9187 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Dwight |
Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty. |
| 9188 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael |
So check out how we live |
| 9189 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael, Dwight |
in the Electric City! |
| 9190 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael |
They call it Scranton. |
| 9191 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 9192 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton. |
| 9193 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 9194 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider. |
| 9195 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1572 |
Dwight |
But check that it's covered by your health care provider! |
| 9196 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1573 |
Jim |
It reminds me of the orientation video showed on my first day. 'The Scranton Witch Project'. |
| 9197 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1574 |
Michael |
I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food. |
| 9198 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1575 |
Michael |
You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot, |
| 9199 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1575 |
Dwight |
But the little cars go in the compact spot |
| 9200 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1575 |
Michael, Dwight |
Spot, spot, spot, spot ... |
| 9201 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1576 |
Michael |
Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What? |
| 9202 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1576 |
Michael |
Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'. |
| 9203 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Karen |
This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. |
| 9204 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Jim |
Terrible. Totally unconvincing. |
| 9205 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Karen |
This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. |
| 9206 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Jim |
Not bad, but you are Italian so... try it more Italian. |
| 9207 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Karen |
Dis is Kar-en Fill-uh-pel-li. Please leava me da message. A bon danza. |
| 9208 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Jim |
You feel good? |
| 9209 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Karen |
Mm-hm. |
| 9210 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 9211 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1577 |
Karen |
Karen Filippelli. |
| 9212 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1578 |
Andy |
Hey, buddy. Anything new to report? |
| 9213 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1578 |
Dwight |
Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works. |
| 9214 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1578 |
Andy |
Sure thing, buddy. |
| 9215 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1579 |
Andy |
Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm. |
| 9216 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Andy |
Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver. |
| 9217 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Angela |
Oh. |
| 9218 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Andy |
Do you like it? |
| 9219 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Angela |
I do like it, actually. |
| 9220 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Andy |
Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way. |
| 9221 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 9222 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1580 |
Andy |
You're welcome. |
| 9223 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 9224 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 9225 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
What happened to grape soda? |
| 9226 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase. |
| 9227 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
Oh. You've changed so much. |
| 9228 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Well, I'm evolving, Pam. |
| 9229 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work? |
| 9230 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled. |
| 9231 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever. |
| 9232 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 9233 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Michael |
Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I... |
| 9234 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm... |
| 9235 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 9236 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
Don't... |
| 9237 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 9238 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
All right. I should probably get back to work. Get back to work. |
| 9239 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Pam |
Yeah. I know, me too. |
| 9240 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1581 |
Jim |
All right! |
| 9241 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1582 |
Pam |
The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good. |
| 9242 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1583 |
Hannah |
Take a picture. It'll last longer. |
| 9243 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1583 |
Ryan |
I'm sorry. It's just, it's a little distracting. |
| 9244 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1583 |
Creed |
Ditto that, my brother. |
| 9245 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1584 |
Hannah |
Look what's on his computer. |
| 9246 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1584 |
Michael |
What is that? A squid's eye or... |
| 9247 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1584 |
Hannah |
It's my left breast. |
| 9248 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1584 |
Michael |
How did you... |
| 9249 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1584 |
Creed |
Right place at the right time. |
| 9250 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
Uh, what's that smell? |
| 9251 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
What smell? |
| 9252 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
Must be an... air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home. |
| 9253 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I'll help you find it. |
| 9254 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
Oh, you know. Never... .never mind. |
| 9255 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
What is it? |
| 9256 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
I... I... I, uh, think I'm just allergic to your perfume. |
| 9257 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
My perfume? |
| 9258 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
It's just my crazy nose. I'm... uh, used to different smells. |
| 9259 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine. |
| 9260 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Karen |
Who's Bob Vance? |
| 9261 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1585 |
Phyllis |
You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. |
| 9262 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1586 |
Stanley |
I don't know who these new people think they are. I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word. |
| 9263 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1587 |
Michael |
People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause. |
| 9264 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just. |
| 9265 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Dwight |
Do you have batteries? |
| 9266 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Ssshh stupid! Um... |
| 9267 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
That's it! |
| 9268 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
What is love? |
| 9269 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Yes, yes! Okay! |
| 9270 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
Baby, don't hurt me. |
| 9271 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Okay, here we go. |
| 9272 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy, Michael |
Don't hurt me! Baby, don't hurt me! |
| 9273 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Oh! |
| 9274 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
Baby, don't hurt me! |
| 9275 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Oh! Oh! Oh! |
| 9276 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
Whoa-oh-oh-oh |
| 9277 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Scuse me! Scuse me! |
| 9278 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy, Michael |
Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh... |
| 9279 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
You me? You me? Me you? You! You! You me! Bow Bow Bow! |
| 9280 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
Whoa-oh-oh-oh. |
| 9281 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
You me? You me? Me you me! You! You! You me you! You! Oh my nose so itchy, why's my nose so itchy! |
| 9282 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Andy |
Oh, probably because of all the nose candy. |
| 9283 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Okay, I told you these guys had a sense of humor. |
| 9284 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Dwight |
Very funny, Michael! |
| 9285 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
Okay! Okay! |
| 9286 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Dwight |
Really funny, Michael! |
| 9287 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1588 |
Michael |
All right, all right, I'm on a roll. |
| 9288 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Why are the new people on the table? To show them that we are not above them. |
| 9289 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Karen |
Shouldn't we be equals? |
| 9290 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Not today. No. Tony! Please join your cohorts on the table if you would. |
| 9291 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
Uh... this is difficult, for me. |
| 9292 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
I understand. We're all friends. |
| 9293 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
No. I mean I can't physically. I can't get on the table. |
| 9294 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Oh, well. Just use the momentum of your lower half to hoist yourself up. |
| 9295 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
You know what? I'll help. I will... |
| 9296 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
No, please. No. |
| 9297 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Don't be shy! Dwight! Let's do this! |
| 9298 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Dwight |
Do this. Come on. Ready? |
| 9299 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Come on. We're doing this thing! Let's get up. |
| 9300 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Dwight |
On three. One... two... three. |
| 9301 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Bend at the knees. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. I don't know what I'm grabbing here. |
| 9302 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
All right. All right. Stop. Put me down. |
| 9303 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
We've almost got it. Push it! Push it! |
| 9304 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
Let me go! |
| 9305 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
I'm right in your crack! |
| 9306 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
Put me down right... |
| 9307 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Up and over. |
| 9308 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
Put me down! |
| 9309 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Up and over. |
| 9310 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
Put me down right now! |
| 9311 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
You've got it. |
| 9312 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
I'VE HAD ENOUGH! |
| 9313 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
You've got it, you've got it. |
| 9314 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW or else! |
| 9315 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Whoa Whoa Whoa! Okay. |
| 9316 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey. Easy. |
| 9317 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Easy. |
| 9318 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
I'm sorry! |
| 9319 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Don't... |
| 9320 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
It's just not going to work for me. |
| 9321 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
What... |
| 9322 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
I have to go. |
| 9323 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
I don't understand. |
| 9324 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
I was on the fence about this and... it's just not a good fit. |
| 9325 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Michael |
Well, we'll squeeze you in. |
| 9326 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1589 |
Tony |
I can't work here. I have to quit. |
| 9327 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
You can't quit! On the first day. That's heresy, my friend! Okay, let's talk about this. What happened? I mean, what... Was it Toby? Did he say something? Cause he's... what? |
| 9328 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Tony |
No. Toby was helpful. He was very kind. It's just your management style. |
| 9329 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
My management style? So... didn't you think 'Lazy Scranton' was funny? |
| 9330 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Tony |
No. Was it supposed to be funny? |
| 9331 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, don't bother quitting because you're fired. |
| 9332 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Tony |
Excuse me? |
| 9333 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
You are fired! I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team! Just clean out your desk! |
| 9334 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Tony |
But there's nothing in my desk except coupons. |
| 9335 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
Don't try to apologize to me, man! It's too late. Just get out! Take your bad vibes with you. |
| 9336 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Dwight |
That was my advice. Remember? I'm the one who suggested that you fire him. |
| 9337 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Michael |
Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight. |
| 9338 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1590 |
Dwight |
And what advice has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? Would 'none' be an accurate estimate? None advice? Fire Andy. Fire. Andy. |
| 9339 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1591 |
Andy |
Dwight may have won the battle. But I will win... the next battle. |
| 9340 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1592 |
Hannah |
Tony was right. This environment is dysfunctional. |
| 9341 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1592 |
Angela |
Maybe that's because some people treat it like their own private Hooters strip club. |
| 9342 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1592 |
Michael |
Whoa, Angela! Hold on. Hooters is a restaurant. With over 400 locations worldwide. |
| 9343 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1592 |
Stanley |
Back to work. We don't have to get along. We just have to work together. |
| 9344 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1592 |
Michael |
No. We do have to get along. Can't we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King. |
| 9345 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1593 |
Michael |
The word merger comes from the word marriage. And that was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people. Instead, it has become like when my Mom moved in with Jeff. And once again, it becomes my job to fix it. |
| 9346 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1594 |
Michael |
Hey! Hey, everybody! Something happened! Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, they let the air out of our tires. |
| 9347 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1594 |
Dwight |
What! |
| 9348 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1594 |
Michael |
Yeah! They punk'd us! They punk'd us good! Come on. Come on! |
| 9349 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1594 |
Karen |
Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration? |
| 9350 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1594 |
Jim |
Does he ever. |
| 9351 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
Man, they got us so bad. We cannot let them get away with this. We have got to pull together as one and steal their refrigerators. |
| 9352 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Dwight |
YEAH! |
| 9353 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 9354 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Toby |
I don't... I don't think we can do that. |
| 9355 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
Go home, Toby. Just... |
| 9356 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Martin |
Hey! Why doesn't your car have a flat tire? |
| 9357 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
Why? I will tell you why. Because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!" |
| 9358 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Hannah |
For crying out loud. |
| 9359 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
No. No, no, no. No. You are falling for it. You're playing right into their hands. This is just what they want you to do. Don't, oh... |
| 9360 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Martin |
What's up with this guy? |
| 9361 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Stanley |
Got an hour? I'll try to explain. |
| 9362 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1595 |
Michael |
THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious! |
| 9363 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Stanley |
Trust me. It only gets worse. |
| 9364 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Martin |
Is he always like this? |
| 9365 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Ryan |
Sometimes he brings more costumes. |
| 9366 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Hannah |
When do people work? |
| 9367 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Phyllis |
Oh, we find little times during the day. |
| 9368 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Karen |
How are we going to get home? |
| 9369 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Phyllis |
Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up. |
| 9370 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1596 |
Karen |
Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. |
| 9371 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. Jell-o! |
| 9372 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
Michael! |
| 9373 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
Hi, Jan! |
| 9374 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit? |
| 9375 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted. |
| 9376 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance? |
| 9377 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 9378 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
You do? |
| 9379 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two. |
| 9380 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two. |
| 9381 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
What? |
| 9382 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Jan |
He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this. |
| 9383 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1597 |
Michael |
Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos. |
| 9384 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Michael |
So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two. |
| 9385 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Dwight |
If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise. |
| 9386 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Jim |
Yeah, it does, actually. |
| 9387 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Dwight |
So who will be your new Number Three? |
| 9388 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Michael |
Uh... that I have not decided yet. |
| 9389 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Andy |
Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb. |
| 9390 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Michael |
Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks. |
| 9391 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Dwight |
And I have to say your leadership... |
| 9392 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Michael |
Shut it... |
| 9393 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Dwight |
has brought... |
| 9394 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1598 |
Michael |
Shut it! That's... suck up! |
| 9395 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Jim |
Hey! Where you at, Filippelli? |
| 9396 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Karen |
I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy. |
| 9397 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Jim |
What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day? |
| 9398 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Karen |
Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink. |
| 9399 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Jim |
Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back? |
| 9400 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Karen |
Yeah. |
| 9401 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Jim |
Ok, thanks. |
| 9402 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1599 |
Karen |
Ok. |
| 9403 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 9404 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 9405 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
I thought you had already... left. |
| 9406 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do. |
| 9407 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
Oh... Good. |
| 9408 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
What's up? |
| 9409 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something. |
| 9410 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
What do you mean? |
| 9411 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh... |
| 9412 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want. |
| 9413 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
O..ok. Um..good. |
| 9414 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
We're friends. We'll always be friends. |
| 9415 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 9416 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Pam |
It's good to have you back. |
| 9417 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1600 |
Jim |
Yeah. Good to be back. |
| 9418 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1601 |
Meredith |
Where'd you get that salad? |
| 9419 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1601 |
Kevin |
Staples. |
| 9420 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon? |
| 9421 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please. |
| 9422 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese. |
| 9423 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Xterra's not even a real word. |
| 9424 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth." |
| 9425 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Oh, so you drive an X-Earth? |
| 9426 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 9427 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth. |
| 9428 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back. |
| 9429 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87. |
| 9430 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came. |
| 9431 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die. |
| 9432 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University. |
| 9433 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
Idiot! |
| 9434 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm. |
| 9435 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. |
| 9436 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Idiot! |
| 9437 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
You're the idiot! |
| 9438 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Andy |
Nice comeback! |
| 9439 |
3 |
8 |
The Merger |
1602 |
Dwight |
I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. Totally got the best of that interchange. |
| 9440 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Pam |
Ohhhh! She's absolutely adorable! |
| 9441 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Hannah |
He. |
| 9442 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Pam |
...Oh, sorry. He's--he's dressed all in pink. |
| 9443 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Hannah |
That's his favorite color. |
| 9444 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Pam |
...Oh. That's... fun for him. |
| 9445 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Stanley |
Fantastic. |
| 9446 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Michael |
Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute. |
| 9447 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Hannah |
Thank youuu. |
| 9448 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Michael |
Ohh. May I? |
| 9449 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Hannah |
Uh, sure! |
| 9450 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1603 |
Michael |
Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from "Look Who's Talking." What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts. |
| 9451 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1604 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 9452 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1604 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 9453 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1604 |
Karen |
...Almost done? |
| 9454 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1604 |
Jim |
Just about... yup. Now. |
| 9455 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1605 |
Jim |
Yes. I have started to see Karen. It's very new, and... not really ready to talk about it openly yet, just because, I think, once the word gets out there, it might affect the way people behave around us or... I dunno. Just, not yet. |
| 9456 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know. |
| 9457 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Jan, this is Angela Martin from accounting. |
| 9458 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
Mmhmm. |
| 9459 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Look, we have a rebate from... the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means. |
| 9460 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
We get that money for hiring an ex-convict. |
| 9461 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. ... I'm just kidding. |
| 9462 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
When did the check come? |
| 9463 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Last week. |
| 9464 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
Okay, that's when the branches merged, so Josh must have been taking advantage of this program. Smart move. |
| 9465 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
One of the Stamford people is a criminal? |
| 9466 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby. |
| 9467 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Jan, which one of the new employees is a criminal? |
| 9468 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
Uh, reformed convict, and, uh, I'm not sure. Though hang on, let me email our HR, stay on the line. |
| 9469 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Pam |
Who is it? |
| 9470 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Hannah? |
| 9471 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
Hmm. |
| 9472 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Hmm. |
| 9473 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
Andy. |
| 9474 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Angela |
Andy? |
| 9475 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
Hmm. Martin? |
| 9476 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Kuhhhh... you are such a racist. |
| 9477 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
Wait, why am I a racist? |
| 9478 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Because you think he's black. |
| 9479 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
He is black... right? And... |
| 9480 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Michael |
Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now. |
| 9481 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
...Okay it's someone named Martin Nash. |
| 9482 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Kevin |
Yeah! |
| 9483 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1606 |
Jan |
Michael? |
| 9484 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1607 |
Michael |
Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake. |
| 9485 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Kevin |
I wonder what he did. |
| 9486 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Michael |
In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened. |
| 9487 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Pam |
Why would anyone go to jail for that? |
| 9488 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Michael |
Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people. |
| 9489 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Kevin |
Cool. |
| 9490 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Pam |
Okay. Angela? |
| 9491 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Angela |
Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that. |
| 9492 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1608 |
Michael |
Good. All right. |
| 9493 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
Jim Halpert. |
| 9494 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
I am so horny. |
| 9495 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
...Okay I can't... help you... with that. |
| 9496 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack. |
| 9497 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
She is dating Ryan, I think. |
| 9498 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
Oh, and I care why? |
| 9499 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
She's... high-maintenance. |
| 9500 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
Next. How about... . Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that. |
| 9501 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one. |
| 9502 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it? |
| 9503 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Jim |
...Absolutely you should. |
| 9504 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1609 |
Andy |
Jackpot. |
| 9505 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1610 |
Michael |
Just... try to be cool. |
| 9506 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1610 |
Dwight |
I am cool. |
| 9507 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1610 |
Michael |
Okay, are you cool, really? |
| 9508 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1610 |
Dwight |
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on. |
| 9509 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1610 |
Michael |
Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool! |
| 9510 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1611 |
Dwight |
I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals. |
| 9511 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1612 |
Andy |
All... righty, let's get started. What is she into? |
| 9512 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1613 |
Jim |
I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates... |
| 9513 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1614 |
Jim |
Frisbee-based competitions... |
| 9514 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1614 |
Andy |
Are you kidding? |
| 9515 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1614 |
Jim |
She... |
| 9516 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1614 |
Andy |
I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf. |
| 9517 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1614 |
Jim |
Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. Got it. Also... do you speak pig latin? |
| 9518 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Hey Martin, how's it going? |
| 9519 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Martin |
Good. Getting settled, you know? |
| 9520 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust. |
| 9521 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Pam |
My dad. |
| 9522 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
...Danny Glover. Yeah. |
| 9523 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Jim |
Jonas Salk. |
| 9524 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 9525 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Jim |
Justin Timberlake? |
| 9526 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Oh. Please. Colin Powell. |
| 9527 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Karen |
Hey I got one. |
| 9528 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Yup. |
| 9529 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Karen |
Jesus. |
| 9530 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1615 |
Michael |
Apollo Creed. |
| 9531 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1616 |
Michael |
Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you. |
| 9532 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1617 |
Martin |
So... you all wanna know what I was in for? |
| 9533 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1617 |
Michael |
No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them. |
| 9534 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1617 |
Martin |
Um, I really don't mind. It was a stupid mistake. I was working in finance and, I... got involved in some insider trading. So, I spent a little time in the clink. |
| 9535 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1617 |
Michael |
That is awesome. |
| 9536 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1618 |
Kevin |
I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day. |
| 9537 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Pam |
What was prison like? |
| 9538 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Martin |
Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But... at least we got outdoors time. |
| 9539 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Kevin |
You got outdoors time? |
| 9540 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Martin |
Two hours, every day. Sometimes we'd play pickup football games... |
| 9541 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Kevin |
Michael, why don't we get outdoors time? |
| 9542 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Pam |
Yeah, some days I never go outside. |
| 9543 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Michael |
Well, we are running a business, so. |
| 9544 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Meredith |
What was your cell like? |
| 9545 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Martin |
Not good. Uh... a little bit bigger than Michael's office... but, you know, I really only slept there. You know, during the day, there-our time's our own. They had uh, classes, I took some... watercolor classes. |
| 9546 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Pam |
They have art classes? |
| 9547 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Martin |
Yeap. Yeah. |
| 9548 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Ryan |
They have business classes there? |
| 9549 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Martin |
They did, taught by some uh, Harvard business school guys--a lot of the guys also, that were in the class, the inmates, a lot of them have gone on to do extraordinary things in business. |
| 9550 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Pam |
Kinda sounds like... prison's... better than Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 9551 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Michael |
Ah. Well. That's not true. |
| 9552 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Kevin |
I would so rather be in prison. |
| 9553 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Ryan |
Prison sounds great. |
| 9554 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1619 |
Michael |
No you would not. |
| 9555 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1620 |
Michael |
This place is not prison. It's... way better than prison. |
| 9556 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1621 |
Creed |
Baby. Hello baby. Here you want to play with this? |
| 9557 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1621 |
Karen |
You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow. |
| 9558 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1621 |
Creed |
Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of them. You like that? Goo-goo-goo-goo? |
| 9559 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1622 |
Andy |
Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos... maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay? |
| 9560 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1622 |
Pam |
Wow... I-- |
| 9561 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1622 |
Andy |
Shh. Think about it. I'll hit you back. |
| 9562 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1623 |
Pam |
Wow. That was... wow. |
| 9563 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1624 |
Michael |
Okay! Listen up everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison. We are going to start with an hour of outdoor time. So let's go! |
| 9564 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Pam |
Michael, it's freezing out. |
| 9565 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Phyllis |
I can't feel my toes. |
| 9566 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Michael |
Why don't we... pump some iron? Anyone wanna... pump up? |
| 9567 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Jim |
What is that, like... five pounds? |
| 9568 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Michael |
It's uh... two and a half. I'm not going for bulk, I'm going for tone. |
| 9569 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Stanley |
I'm going back inside. |
| 9570 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1625 |
Michael |
Yeah, it's... freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you've got about... twenty-seven minutes of rec time. |
| 9571 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1626 |
Michael |
Oh heyyy. Martiiin. You have TV in the joint? |
| 9572 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1626 |
Martin |
Yeah, in the rec room. |
| 9573 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1626 |
Michael |
Ah. A ten inch black and white? |
| 9574 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1626 |
Martin |
Actually, our TV was bigger than that one. |
| 9575 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1627 |
Michael |
These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole. |
| 9576 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Oh. Andy. I thought of one last tact you can take with Pam. |
| 9577 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 9578 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Quick question - do you play the guitar? |
| 9579 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Andy |
I play the banjo. |
| 9580 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice? |
| 9581 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Andy |
You know I can, my man. |
| 9582 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Yup. That's perfect. |
| 9583 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 9584 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 9585 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Andy |
I'm gonna go get my banjo out of my car. |
| 9586 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Perfect. |
| 9587 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Karen |
What is going on? |
| 9588 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
...I'm messing with Andy. I'm sending him to all the women in the office with... just... terrible information on how to get them to go out with him. |
| 9589 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Karen |
I love it. I want in. Who's the target? |
| 9590 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
...Oh, you know what? ... It was... gonna be Pam, but... |
| 9591 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Karen |
Perfect. What do I do? Just give me an assignment. |
| 9592 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1628 |
Jim |
Uh, you know what though? I feel like I already sicked him on Pam... we'll give her a break. Let's think of someone else. |
| 9593 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say "Boo" because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like . I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?! |
| 9594 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Angela |
Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else? |
| 9595 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you. You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap! |
| 9596 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Ryan |
Michael, please. |
| 9597 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
Where... did you learn all of this? |
| 9598 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
Internet. |
| 9599 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
So, not prison. |
| 9600 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office. |
| 9601 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
What'd you do, Prison Mike? |
| 9602 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom. |
| 9603 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. |
| 9604 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
And I nevah got caught, neither. |
| 9605 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm. |
| 9606 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Pam |
Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison? |
| 9607 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair. |
| 9608 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Andy |
Wow. Prison sounds horrible. |
| 9609 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Tanks. |
| 9610 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Dwight |
Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison? |
| 9611 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Angela |
Don't encourage him, Dwight. |
| 9612 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt! |
| 9613 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Karen |
Demen-Dementors like in Harry Potter? |
| 9614 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's bitch. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it? |
| 9615 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Pam |
Wow. Thank you. Um, that must have been hard for you to relive that. Both of you. |
| 9616 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Martin |
Yeah, that... wasn't really... at all my experience. There were certain elements of what you performed, I've seen on television. But it didn't remind me of my time in prison. |
| 9617 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go. |
| 9618 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Jim |
Okay, Michael. Come on. Let us out. |
| 9619 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1629 |
Michael |
No! If you think is prison is so wonderful, then, enjoy prison! They are such babies. I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom. And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas. |
| 9620 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1630 |
Kevin |
Hey! Let us out of here! Hey! I have-- |
| 9621 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1630 |
Hannah |
Shh! |
| 9622 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1631 |
Toby |
This is Toby. Hey Pam. Where are you calling from? |
| 9623 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Toby |
Michael. Why's everyone locked in the conference room? |
| 9624 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Michael |
They were very disrespectful to me, and to the office. And Martin has had a bad influence, to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt. |
| 9625 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Toby |
Well, you're going to have to let 'em out. Or... or I will. |
| 9626 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Michael |
Okay. You know what Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so. |
| 9627 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Toby |
You know they're teasing you. I mean... obviously, this is... a much nicer place than an actual prison. We get paid to be here. We go home afterwards and have social lives. We have... we have parties here. They're teasing you. To be funny. |
| 9628 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1632 |
Michael |
Okay nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home. Early. Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms! |
| 9629 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1633 |
Michael |
Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black. |
| 9630 |
3 |
9 |
The Convict |
1634 |
Andy |
So we've been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see, 'cause one day we'll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and meeee... |
| 9631 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
Merry Christmas! |
| 9632 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Pam |
Merry Christ-- NO! Why... why did you bring that here? |
| 9633 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead. |
| 9634 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Pam |
Dwight, what uh... |
| 9635 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle! |
| 9636 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Pam |
Well, get it out of here. |
| 9637 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen? |
| 9638 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Jim |
Merry Christmas Dwight. |
| 9639 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
Jim. |
| 9640 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Jim |
Wow. What have we got here? |
| 9641 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
What does it look like? |
| 9642 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Jim |
Dead goose. |
| 9643 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
And circle gets the square. |
| 9644 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 9645 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk. |
| 9646 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Toby |
Oh, Dwight, we talked about this. |
| 9647 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1635 |
Dwight |
No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead. |
| 9648 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1636 |
Dwight |
Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed. |
| 9649 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. |
| 9650 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Jim |
Wow. Win-Win. |
| 9651 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
Exactly. Thank you, Jim. |
| 9652 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Phyllis |
I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it? |
| 9653 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Creed |
That's crazy. It's crazy. |
| 9654 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Toby |
Dwight, you cannot keep that here. |
| 9655 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas. |
| 9656 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Toby |
Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour. |
| 9657 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
It's Christmas Toby. |
| 9658 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Toby |
It's a dead animal in an office. You can't... |
| 9659 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
Toby... |
| 9660 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Toby |
I'm sorry. |
| 9661 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
Please? Please? |
| 9662 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Toby |
Clean it in your car. |
| 9663 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Pam |
I would like it off my desk. |
| 9664 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1637 |
Dwight |
Oh Pam. Take a chill pill. |
| 9665 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. 'Tis the ... ack. Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint... |
| 9666 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Pam |
Can I help you, Michael? |
| 9667 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
I'm looking for the toy drive box. |
| 9668 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Pam |
It's behind you. |
| 9669 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks. |
| 9670 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Jim |
Wow. What kind of bike is that? |
| 9671 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Umm... I don't know? Average kind? |
| 9672 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Kevin |
The tires look pretty worn. |
| 9673 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Well, that is probably from the test drive. |
| 9674 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Jim |
But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael? |
| 9675 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
No. |
| 9676 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Andy |
Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike. |
| 9677 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Oh, thanks. |
| 9678 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 9679 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Yes? Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that. |
| 9680 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Pam |
I didn't, it's from corporate. |
| 9681 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
OK. Did everybody get one of these? |
| 9682 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Pam |
Yup. |
| 9683 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1638 |
Michael |
Terrific. Good. |
| 9684 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1639 |
Michael |
This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah. |
| 9685 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1640 |
Creed |
And a happy holiday to you. |
| 9686 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Jim |
Carol. |
| 9687 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Carol |
Hi, is Michael around here? |
| 9688 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde. |
| 9689 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Carol |
Michael. |
| 9690 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side. |
| 9691 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Carol |
What? |
| 9692 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
Turn around, turn around. Come on. |
| 9693 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Carol |
Get outta here. |
| 9694 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
No, you get outta here. |
| 9695 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Andy |
Michael |
| 9696 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 9697 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Andy |
If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her. |
| 9698 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Dwight |
Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her. |
| 9699 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 9700 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Carol |
I really need a moment alone with you. |
| 9701 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1641 |
Michael |
Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. Berp. |
| 9702 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
What is this? |
| 9703 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings. |
| 9704 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
No. See, we never went on a ski trip. |
| 9705 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 9706 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
I went on a ski trip. |
| 9707 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 9708 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband. |
| 9709 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart... |
| 9710 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
Michael. |
| 9711 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
And next to your kids. What? |
| 9712 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Carol |
This is so weird. |
| 9713 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1642 |
Michael |
I don't understand? |
| 9714 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1643 |
Jim |
It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. Is bold the right word? |
| 9715 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
I think you're a really sweet guy. |
| 9716 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
OK |
| 9717 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing . And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us. |
| 9718 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in Jamaica's largest fresh water pool. |
| 9719 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
What are you talking about? |
| 9720 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. . You better find the skimpiest bikini there is. |
| 9721 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
Oh, no. Michael. |
| 9722 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
And it's all inclusive. |
| 9723 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
Michael... |
| 9724 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 9725 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
I'm sorry. |
| 9726 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Michael |
No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over. |
| 9727 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1644 |
Carol |
I know. |
| 9728 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
Psst. Jim. Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you. |
| 9729 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
What? |
| 9730 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. |
| 9731 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
Are you serious? |
| 9732 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell. |
| 9733 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow. |
| 9734 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. Sorry I didn't wrap it. |
| 9735 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know? |
| 9736 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 9737 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
No, because of the promotion. |
| 9738 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
Oh yeah. |
| 9739 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Jim |
It just feels a little bit, like... |
| 9740 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1645 |
Pam |
No, I get it, of course. OK. |
| 9741 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1646 |
Jim |
I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing? |
| 9742 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled. |
| 9743 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Stanley |
You can't cancel a holiday. |
| 9744 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's. |
| 9745 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Stanley |
What does that mean? |
| 9746 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley. |
| 9747 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Pam |
Michael, what's going on? |
| 9748 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances. |
| 9749 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Jim |
Will they still air 'Rudolph?' |
| 9750 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Kevin |
That's not fair. |
| 9751 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Dwight |
Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well? |
| 9752 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
Fine! Have your party. Just no guests. |
| 9753 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Phyllis |
But we invited guests. |
| 9754 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1647 |
Michael |
Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess. |
| 9755 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts. |
| 9756 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 9757 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms. |
| 9758 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
OK, well, why are you laying like that? |
| 9759 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts? |
| 9760 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
Like what? |
| 9761 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary? |
| 9762 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
Well.. um I, I don't... |
| 9763 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to? |
| 9764 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
I don't need to know. |
| 9765 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Dwight |
Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short. |
| 9766 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
Take it from Toby. |
| 9767 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Dwight |
Copy. |
| 9768 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? |
| 9769 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Pam |
No, thank you. |
| 9770 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1648 |
Michael |
It's all... OK. |
| 9771 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1649 |
Toby |
Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- Why? |
| 9772 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch. |
| 9773 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Phyllis |
I thought you said green was whorish. |
| 9774 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
No, orange is whorish. |
| 9775 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Karen |
Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... . |
| 9776 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
It would never work here. |
| 9777 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Karen |
Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ... |
| 9778 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
No. |
| 9779 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Karen |
A Christmas drinking game ... |
| 9780 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Meredith |
Yes. |
| 9781 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
God help you. |
| 9782 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Karen |
What? |
| 9783 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave. |
| 9784 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Karen |
You're kidding. |
| 9785 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1650 |
Angela |
You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. Please. Thank you. OK, thank you very much. |
| 9786 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 9787 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Dwight |
We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol. |
| 9788 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Andy |
Hey, what's the haps? |
| 9789 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Michael |
Carol? |
| 9790 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Dwight |
Oh, look at this. Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box. |
| 9791 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Dwight |
Why don't you just buy the whole song? |
| 9792 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Michael |
I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it. |
| 9793 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Dwight |
Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie. |
| 9794 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1651 |
Michael |
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. |
| 9795 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1652 |
Michael |
This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her. |
| 9796 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1653 |
Pam |
I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her. |
| 9797 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy. |
| 9798 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go. |
| 9799 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
Um, usually like that. |
| 9800 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..? |
| 9801 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. |
| 9802 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Right. |
| 9803 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
Um, I really liked your karaoke idea. |
| 9804 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Oh cool, yeah. |
| 9805 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
That could really be fun. |
| 9806 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Oh, thank you. |
| 9807 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Pam |
You guys do a raffle? |
| 9808 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1654 |
Karen |
Yeah, we do a raffle... |
| 9809 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1655 |
Toby |
Hey Kev. |
| 9810 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1655 |
Kevin |
Hey. |
| 9811 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Angela |
This should've been up yesterday. |
| 9812 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Phyllis |
It'll be all right. |
| 9813 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Angela |
What is that? The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties." |
| 9814 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Pam |
There is now. We just started it. |
| 9815 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Angela |
Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding. |
| 9816 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Karen |
What's your funding? |
| 9817 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Angela |
Two hundred dollars. |
| 9818 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Pam |
What's ours again? |
| 9819 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Karen |
Umm, two hundred and one dollars. |
| 9820 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Pam |
Oh right. |
| 9821 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Kelly |
Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun. |
| 9822 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Angela |
No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock. |
| 9823 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Kevin |
Then why are there two flyers? |
| 9824 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Karen |
Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three. |
| 9825 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Kevin |
Right. |
| 9826 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Karen |
And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five. |
| 9827 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Pam |
Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. |
| 9828 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1656 |
Kevin |
I didn't see where it was. |
| 9829 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1657 |
Jim |
Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right? |
| 9830 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Karen |
I think that's a really good option... |
| 9831 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately. |
| 9832 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Pam |
You can't do that. |
| 9833 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
As ranking number three in this office, I am order - |
| 9834 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Andy |
Umm... I'm number three. |
| 9835 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
You're number four. |
| 9836 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Andy |
Yeah, but I'm number three. |
| 9837 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
Ah, no. You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth. |
| 9838 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Jim |
OK, I think I can help here. |
| 9839 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
Ok, good |
| 9840 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Jim |
As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now. |
| 9841 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
OK, this is stupid. |
| 9842 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Jim |
Could you please keep it down? I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid. |
| 9843 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
No no, no, wait, wait, wait Permission to join the Validity Committee. |
| 9844 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Jim |
Permission denied. |
| 9845 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1658 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 9846 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Andy |
Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. C'mon, my treat. |
| 9847 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway. |
| 9848 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Andy |
That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too. |
| 9849 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
Hooters? |
| 9850 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Andy |
No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. |
| 9851 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
Ah, I need my entourage Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters. |
| 9852 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Ryan |
Ah man, I can't. |
| 9853 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
Why not? |
| 9854 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Ryan |
I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. |
| 9855 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
Ok, feel better. |
| 9856 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Ryan |
Thanks. |
| 9857 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Michael |
C'mon Jim, let's go. |
| 9858 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Jim |
OK. Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude. |
| 9859 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1659 |
Ryan |
Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back. |
| 9860 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1660 |
Michael |
Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'. |
| 9861 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Andy |
So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." Thank you. Michael Head of the table. |
| 9862 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
Get out Jim. Actually, um... Sir, I'm going to need take this chair. |
| 9863 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Michael |
Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy. |
| 9864 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 9865 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
I can't... I can't here what you're saying. |
| 9866 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Michael |
Carol used to drink lattes. |
| 9867 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
What're you talking about? |
| 9868 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Michael |
She would get this little foam mustache... |
| 9869 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
Carol had a mustache? |
| 9870 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Michael |
And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny. |
| 9871 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
What are you guys talking about? |
| 9872 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Michael |
She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy --- |
| 9873 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1661 |
Dwight |
Michael! Repeat what you said louder! |
| 9874 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1662 |
Dwight |
It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? |
| 9875 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Michael |
I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out... |
| 9876 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Andy |
No. |
| 9877 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Dwight |
Who are you calling? |
| 9878 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Michael |
I'm just gonna call her. |
| 9879 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Andy |
Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, we need your help. |
| 9880 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Waitress |
What can I get for 'ya? |
| 9881 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1663 |
Andy |
I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. |
| 9882 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1664 |
Andy |
One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal. |
| 9883 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Phyllis |
You should, you should put out salt for the rims |
| 9884 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Pam |
That's a great idea. |
| 9885 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Angela |
Phyllis? |
| 9886 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Phyllis |
I was just getting a snack. |
| 9887 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Pam |
You can have your snack in here. |
| 9888 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Angela |
Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis. |
| 9889 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1665 |
Phyllis |
OK. |
| 9890 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1666 |
Kevin |
I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know. |
| 9891 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1667 |
Ryan |
I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to. |
| 9892 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Roy |
So I only use three? |
| 9893 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Pam |
If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong. |
| 9894 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Roy |
OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows? |
| 9895 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Pam |
Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. |
| 9896 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Roy |
OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper? |
| 9897 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Pam |
Oh yeah, your mom would love that. |
| 9898 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Roy |
Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. |
| 9899 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 9900 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Karen |
He's cute. You should date him. |
| 9901 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1668 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah... Maybe. |
| 9902 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Dwight |
Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there. |
| 9903 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Chef |
No, it's Usuba. |
| 9904 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. |
| 9905 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Chef |
Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity. |
| 9906 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Dwight |
Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better. |
| 9907 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1669 |
Woman at bar |
I think he'd know. |
| 9908 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Michael |
Nothing he's doing is cheering me up. |
| 9909 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Andy |
Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you? |
| 9910 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Cindy |
I don't know. |
| 9911 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Michael |
Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. |
| 9912 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Andy |
You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. Watch, watch, watch, watch. Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya? |
| 9913 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1670 |
Michael |
You're right. That's good. |
| 9914 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1671 |
Pam |
Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... . |
| 9915 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1671 |
Angela |
I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer.. for further regarding your paycheck! |
| 9916 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
I need to know if I can start the party? |
| 9917 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Dwight |
Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! |
| 9918 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Andy |
This drink... |
| 9919 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Michael |
I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. |
| 9920 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
Did Michael give you permission to do this? |
| 9921 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Dwight |
Start the party. |
| 9922 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now |
| 9923 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Pam |
Our party is also starting now |
| 9924 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Karen |
Yup. |
| 9925 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Karen |
All right Stanley. Woo. |
| 9926 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Pam |
Good choice. |
| 9927 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed. |
| 9928 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Hannah |
Why would I be disappointed? |
| 9929 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
I said you wouldn't be disappointed. |
| 9930 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry. |
| 9931 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Meredith |
Is that a threat? |
| 9932 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Angela |
No, it's an invitation. |
| 9933 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Pam |
We have vodka! |
| 9934 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1672 |
Karen |
Lots of it! |
| 9935 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1673 |
Kevin |
I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela Hmmm... |
| 9936 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1674 |
Angela |
Brownies. Cupcakes. |
| 9937 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1674 |
Kevin |
Don't push it. |
| 9938 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1675 |
Karen |
Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. What? |
| 9939 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1675 |
Pam |
I got goose bumps. |
| 9940 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1676 |
Angela |
I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good. |
| 9941 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Michael |
Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. I see steak. |
| 9942 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Man |
Excuse me. |
| 9943 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Michael |
Excuse me Ah, un guard. Family style. |
| 9944 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Jim |
No, it's not. |
| 9945 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Andy |
Cindy, Cindy. |
| 9946 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Michael |
I don't think... I love it! |
| 9947 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Andy |
I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day. |
| 9948 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Michael |
I don't know what he's doing. |
| 9949 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Andy |
This is great. |
| 9950 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Dwight |
Jim! Jim! What... What's happening? |
| 9951 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Jim |
Oh, she's asleep. |
| 9952 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Dwight |
Oh... Narcolepsy. |
| 9953 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Jim |
Probably. |
| 9954 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Andy |
Now open your eyes and describe it to me. |
| 9955 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Cindy |
I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft... |
| 9956 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Dwight |
Oh my gosh, now she's up. |
| 9957 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Jim |
And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it. |
| 9958 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1677 |
Dwight |
Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers. |
| 9959 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1678 |
Jim |
Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing. |
| 9960 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Kelly |
What d'ya think? |
| 9961 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Stanley |
Fruity and delicious. |
| 9962 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Kelly |
See, I told you. You want one Meredith? |
| 9963 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Meredith |
No thanks. They're too sweet. |
| 9964 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Karen |
Hey, so what's the status. |
| 9965 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Ryan |
Looks like they forgot the power cord. |
| 9966 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Pam |
What? |
| 9967 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Karen |
Oh, you're kidding me? |
| 9968 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 9969 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Karen |
Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. |
| 9970 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Kelly |
Well that blows. |
| 9971 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Darryl |
Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. |
| 9972 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Everybody |
Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! |
| 9973 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Phyllis |
Hi. |
| 9974 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Darryl |
Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party. |
| 9975 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Phyllis |
Oh, ok. |
| 9976 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Darryl |
All right. Se you later... |
| 9977 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Hannah |
These nuts are really hard to crack. |
| 9978 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Angela |
Try harder then. Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some. |
| 9979 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Kevin |
You've got to be kidding! |
| 9980 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1679 |
Angela |
You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie] |
| 9981 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1680 |
Phyllis |
Cold, huh? |
| 9982 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1680 |
Ryan |
Huh? |
| 9983 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1680 |
Phyllis |
Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there? |
| 9984 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Andy |
They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding! |
| 9985 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Michael |
You know what we should do? |
| 9986 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Andy |
What? |
| 9987 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Michael |
We should invite them to the Christmas party. |
| 9988 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Andy |
Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. |
| 9989 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1681 |
Michael |
Oh, you are such mench my friend. |
| 9990 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1682 |
Michael |
OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. |
| 9991 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1682 |
Jim |
I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too. |
| 9992 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1683 |
Michael |
The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike. |
| 9993 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1683 |
Second Cindy |
That rocks. |
| 9994 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1683 |
Michael |
Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours. |
| 9995 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1683 |
Second Cindy |
Thanks! I, I wanna give you something. |
| 9996 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1683 |
Michael |
Oh. That's what she said. |
| 9997 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Michael |
Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. |
| 9998 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Andy |
My new girlfriend. |
| 9999 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Angela |
Where's Dwight? |
| 10000 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Second Cindy |
Is he the hot one or the giant baby? |
| 10001 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Michael |
The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame. |
| 10002 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Phyllis |
There's another party in the break room. |
| 10003 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Michael |
Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room. |
| 10004 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Angela |
Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? |
| 10005 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Second Cindy |
I thought I could have it. |
| 10006 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Angela |
You can't have it I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack. |
| 10007 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Michael |
Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party. |
| 10008 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Dwight |
Hey! It's Angela! Hey! |
| 10009 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1684 |
Michael |
We're going to ... |
| 10010 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1685 |
Kevin |
I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but... |
| 10011 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1686 |
Michael |
I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. And... my question to you is do you agree? |
| 10012 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1686 |
Other waitress |
Do I agree about what? |
| 10013 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1686 |
Michael |
Do you agree about what? Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute. |
| 10014 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1686 |
Other waitress |
What're you talking about? |
| 10015 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1686 |
Michael |
What're you talking about? |
| 10016 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1687 |
Kevin |
And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know. |
| 10017 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1687 |
Jim |
All right |
| 10018 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Angela |
Did you have fun at Benihana's? |
| 10019 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Dwight |
No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. |
| 10020 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Angela |
I've had the worse day here |
| 10021 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Karen |
Dwight, you won the raffle! |
| 10022 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Dwight |
No... way! Yeah! |
| 10023 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Karen |
Open it! Open it ! Open it! |
| 10024 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 10025 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Karen |
Do you like it? |
| 10026 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Dwight |
Walkie-talkies. |
| 10027 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Pam |
Can I talk to you a second? |
| 10028 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1688 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 10029 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1689 |
Karen |
Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. |
| 10030 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1689 |
Pam |
In the name of Nutcracker Christmas. |
| 10031 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Karen |
Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties. |
| 10032 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Angela |
I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? |
| 10033 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Pam |
Yeah, but we don't have a power cord. |
| 10034 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Angela |
Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. Is it this one? |
| 10035 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Pam |
Mmm. Hmm. |
| 10036 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Karen |
Yeah, thanks. |
| 10037 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Pam |
We'll go tell everyone. |
| 10038 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1690 |
Karen |
OK. |
| 10039 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1691 |
Andy, Michael |
And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonderland. |
| 10040 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1691 |
Andy |
Your hands. |
| 10041 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1691 |
Both |
Your body is a wonderland. |
| 10042 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1691 |
Andy |
I'll use my hands on it. |
| 10043 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1691 |
Both |
Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face... |
| 10044 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Kelly |
Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan... |
| 10045 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Michael |
When you know, you just know. |
| 10046 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Kevin |
Right. |
| 10047 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Michael |
Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable. |
| 10048 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Roy |
Which one is she? |
| 10049 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Michael |
It's... it's one of those two. |
| 10050 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Roy |
You don't know? |
| 10051 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Kevin |
Dude, you should know. |
| 10052 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1692 |
Michael |
Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike. |
| 10053 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1693 |
Michael |
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like? |
| 10054 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1694 |
Michael |
Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her. |
| 10055 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1694 |
Second Cindy |
You know where I am. |
| 10056 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1694 |
Michael |
Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile |
| 10057 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1694 |
Second Cindy |
Oh. |
| 10058 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1694 |
Michael |
Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party. |
| 10059 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1695 |
Creed |
Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya... |
| 10060 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1696 |
Dwight |
Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy? |
| 10061 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1696 |
Angela |
Copy, Possum. What's your twenty? |
| 10062 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1697 |
Karen |
No way. |
| 10063 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1697 |
Jim |
What a horrible, horrible movie that was. |
| 10064 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1697 |
Karen |
And now we get to remember it forever. |
| 10065 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1697 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 10066 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1697 |
Karen |
Thank you. |
| 10067 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
Hey. |
| 10068 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, you. How are ya? |
| 10069 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave. |
| 10070 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Michael |
No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and... |
| 10071 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
Cool... |
| 10072 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Michael |
Where do you wanna go? |
| 10073 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
I... We're just gonna take off. |
| 10074 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Michael |
I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. |
| 10075 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
No... I have school. |
| 10076 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Michael |
You want help? OK... Merry Christmas. |
| 10077 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1698 |
Second Cindy |
Merry Christmas. |
| 10078 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1699 |
Dwight |
Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed... |
| 10079 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
That waitress was the one. |
| 10080 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
No. She wasn't. |
| 10081 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
How can you be sure? |
| 10082 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately three hours ago. |
| 10083 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
Don't make fun... You're making fun of me. |
| 10084 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
Sorry. |
| 10085 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm. |
| 10086 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
You what? |
| 10087 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
I, I put a mark on her arm. So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike! |
| 10088 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 10089 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
Oh, why do I feel like crap? |
| 10090 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
You just had a rebound. |
| 10091 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Michael |
I had rebound? Yeah. |
| 10092 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1700 |
Jim |
Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart. |
| 10093 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1701 |
Michael |
I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o. |
| 10094 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1702 |
Angela |
Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum.. |
| 10095 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1703 |
Michael |
Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive... |
| 10096 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1704 |
Angela |
... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum |
| 10097 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1704 |
Oscar |
Too soon. |
| 10098 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1704 |
Angela |
I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum. |
| 10099 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1704 |
Dwight |
pum pum pum pum pum pum pum |
| 10100 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Dwight |
Bye Pam. |
| 10101 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Pam |
Night. |
| 10102 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Jim |
Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. |
| 10103 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Pam |
We should get him a bus ticket. To make his trip easier. |
| 10104 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Jim |
Oh no, that would be great. |
| 10105 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Pam |
It costs seventy five dollars. |
| 10106 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Jim |
Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? |
| 10107 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1705 |
Pam |
Ohh... |
| 10108 |
3 |
10 |
A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
1706 |
Dwight |
What the? "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? |
| 10109 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... what is this? |
| 10110 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
Tape recorder. |
| 10111 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
For what? |
| 10112 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts. |
| 10113 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm? |
| 10114 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Karen |
Yeah, the deal closed yesterday, it's the six month commitment. |
| 10115 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing? |
| 10116 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 10117 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office. |
| 10118 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
I'm not. |
| 10119 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a knife! |
| 10120 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
I do not have a knife! |
| 10121 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?! |
| 10122 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar! |
| 10123 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet. |
| 10124 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
Give me it. I am not. |
| 10125 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Phyllis |
Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in! Dwight, get his autograph for Michael quickly... |
| 10126 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK. |
| 10127 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Karen |
Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo? |
| 10128 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Jim |
Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies. |
| 10129 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Dwight |
You can't see... You can't see my stomach. |
| 10130 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1707 |
Andy |
I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in! |
| 10131 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Hey, mon! |
| 10132 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Pam |
Hey. You have a bunch of messages and... that's nice. Hannah quit while you were gone. I guess she memo-ed to file some complaints she had about being a working mother? And so you might also have to be deposed. |
| 10133 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Relax. |
| 10134 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 10135 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Just relax, OK? I'll get to all of it later. |
| 10136 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Pam |
It's kind of serious. |
| 10137 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me. |
| 10138 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Pam |
How was Jamaica? |
| 10139 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Stanley |
Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here. |
| 10140 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too. |
| 10141 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Stanley |
My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised. |
| 10142 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
OK, well payroll is in charge of all that. |
| 10143 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Stanley |
They said I should talk to you. |
| 10144 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
Well, I am just getting settled in. So, I'm gonna... |
| 10145 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Stanley |
I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check. |
| 10146 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1708 |
Michael |
You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon. |
| 10147 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1709 |
Jim |
You want to talk about it? |
| 10148 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1709 |
Karen |
Nope. |
| 10149 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1710 |
Karen |
I still haven't found an apartment yet. I'm living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a "for rent" sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away. |
| 10150 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing. |
| 10151 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Pam |
That's good. |
| 10152 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
You know, I had never been out of the country before now? |
| 10153 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Pam |
Huh. |
| 10154 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
Got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great, you know. They just relax, they party all the time. |
| 10155 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Pam |
It's kind of an impoverished country. |
| 10156 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
Yeah... Gosh. Great. You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having pina coladas every day at three. |
| 10157 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Pam |
But you can't today, we're doing inventory. |
| 10158 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
Inventory's at the end of December. |
| 10159 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Pam |
We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed. |
| 10160 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1711 |
Michael |
I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it. |
| 10161 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1712 |
Michael |
Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans? |
| 10162 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1713 |
Michael |
Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it. |
| 10163 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1713 |
Angela |
By the end of the day? That's impossible. |
| 10164 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1713 |
Michael |
The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible." |
| 10165 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1713 |
Jim |
Yep, it's English, it's "impossible." |
| 10166 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1713 |
Angela |
Michael, there's no way we can do it in time. |
| 10167 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1714 |
Michael |
How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need. |
| 10168 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Michael |
Come on in. Settle in. Settling. Settling... and settled. Good, there is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem." This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what, if we have to stay late to do inventory? No problem. |
| 10169 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Pam |
Oh my God. Is that Jan? |
| 10170 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Everybody |
What? Where? |
| 10171 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Pam |
On the left. |
| 10172 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Everybody |
Oh yeah, oh my God. |
| 10173 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1715 |
Michael |
No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue. |
| 10174 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1716 |
Michael |
Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. s*x. We had s*x. I had s*x with her. I had s*x with Jan. |
| 10175 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
Hey dude. I just got back from Jamaica. |
| 10176 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked. |
| 10177 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
Yeah, that sounds amazing. You know what? The lady Jan Levinson wanted to go to Montego Bay. |
| 10178 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
You took the ice queen? I don't buy it. |
| 10179 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
Well I'm looking at a photo, right now. And I'm telling 'ya, could be in Maxim. |
| 10180 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim. |
| 10181 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
Oh no? |
| 10182 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
No. |
| 10183 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
OK. Well, check this out. I am sending you some email. You got it? |
| 10184 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
Well, no. I got nothing. |
| 10185 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Michael |
Check it again. Hit refresh. |
| 10186 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
Yeah, Mike, still nothing. |
| 10187 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1717 |
Packer |
Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture? |
| 10188 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl? |
| 10189 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Roy |
He's in the office. |
| 10190 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
OK, Hey, man, how's it going? |
| 10191 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Darryl |
All right, what's up Mike? |
| 10192 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me? |
| 10193 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Darryl |
Yup. |
| 10194 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not "packaging." Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people? |
| 10195 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Darryl |
Uh huh. |
| 10196 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it. |
| 10197 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Darryl |
Yup. |
| 10198 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Michael |
And you sent that out to everyone? |
| 10199 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1718 |
Darryl |
Mike, I'm very busy down here. |
| 10200 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1719 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 10201 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1719 |
Kevin |
Already sent it to you my friend. |
| 10202 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1719 |
Jim |
Fantastic. |
| 10203 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1719 |
Andy |
Boring. Call me if she rolls over. |
| 10204 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 10205 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 10206 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Pam |
You OK? |
| 10207 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 10208 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Pam |
You sure? |
| 10209 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen. |
| 10210 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Pam |
Oh. You want to talk about it? |
| 10211 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1720 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 10212 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Michael |
I have a special assignment for you. |
| 10213 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Dwight |
Who's the target? |
| 10214 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Michael |
A sensitive email has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture. The file name is "Jamaican Jan Sun Princess." |
| 10215 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Dwight |
What's it of? |
| 10216 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Michael |
Not important. |
| 10217 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Dwight |
Unless you're willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment. |
| 10218 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Michael |
OK, forget it. |
| 10219 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1721 |
Dwight |
OK, I accept it. |
| 10220 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Jim |
So, I dunno, I just feel likes we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much. |
| 10221 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 10222 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Jim |
Hmm, what? |
| 10223 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Pam |
How far away does she live now, like ten minutes? |
| 10224 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Jim |
Yeah, I guess. |
| 10225 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1722 |
Pam |
Honestly, I think you should go easy on her. |
| 10226 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1723 |
Pam |
No, I didn't mind helping Jim with his problem. That's what friends do. I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah. |
| 10227 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1724 |
Jim |
Hey, thanks a lot. |
| 10228 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1724 |
Pam |
Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan! |
| 10229 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1724 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping? |
| 10230 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
Hey I need to talk to you right now. |
| 10231 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
Not now, not ever. |
| 10232 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
About you and Jan. |
| 10233 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
Aww, none of your business. |
| 10234 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship. |
| 10235 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops. |
| 10236 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now. |
| 10237 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
This is probably the icebreaker you need. |
| 10238 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR. |
| 10239 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv. |
| 10240 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it. |
| 10241 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo? |
| 10242 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Toby |
All right, thanks Michael. |
| 10243 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1725 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 10244 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1726 |
Angela |
OK, we only have three hours people to plan a whole luau, and you're not helping. |
| 10245 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1726 |
Karen |
What are the ingredients of poi? |
| 10246 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1726 |
Phyllis |
I called every grocery store in Scranton, and no one sells whole pigs. |
| 10247 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1726 |
Angela |
Did you try the petting zoo? |
| 10248 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1727 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just a second. Michael, it's Jan on the phone for you. |
| 10249 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1727 |
Michael |
Oh, God, no. No, no! Hang up! Hang up! Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat. |
| 10250 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1727 |
Pam |
He'll call you back. OK, great. |
| 10251 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1727 |
Michael |
She bought it? OK. OK. |
| 10252 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1727 |
Dwight |
Michael hit a deer? |
| 10253 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1728 |
Dwight |
Michael! Michael! There's an emergency in the warehouse. |
| 10254 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1728 |
Michael |
There an accident? Somebody hurt? |
| 10255 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1728 |
Dwight |
No, it's... involves the photograph. |
| 10256 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1728 |
Michael |
Oh. God. No, no, no, no, no. |
| 10257 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1729 |
Roy |
Mike, you are a rock star, man. You are the man! Well done. |
| 10258 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1729 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 10259 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1729 |
Roy |
That corporate booty, he likes to hit it! |
| 10260 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1730 |
Michael |
Hello. Hi. Attention everyone. Um, apparently, there is an email circulating around that contains a very PG-13 rating picture of me and a woman--- |
| 10261 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1730 |
Kevin |
Jan. |
| 10262 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1730 |
Michael |
No, Kevin. A woman. Maybe Jan, maybe... |
| 10263 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1730 |
Jim |
Urkel Grue. |
| 10264 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1730 |
Michael |
My point is that, if you get it, I would ask that you just delete it. Sight unseen. Let's be professional, all right? |
| 10265 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Michael |
Feelin'... feelin' hot, hot, hot! |
| 10266 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 10267 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 10268 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Pam |
What are you doing out here? |
| 10269 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Michael |
Island living. You know? |
| 10270 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Pam |
Jan called. She's coming in later to talk to you. |
| 10271 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Michael |
Did she say what it's about? |
| 10272 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Pam |
That's all she said. |
| 10273 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1731 |
Andy |
Ole ole - ole ole... Ole ole - ole ole. People in the party - hot hot hot |
| 10274 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1732 |
Jim |
Uh, I think you dropped this |
| 10275 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1732 |
Karen |
You sure? |
| 10276 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1732 |
Jim |
Definitely. |
| 10277 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1733 |
Dwight |
I have disconnected the office T1 line. I have ordered that that be taken down and destroyed all print outs from the bathroom. |
| 10278 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1733 |
Michael |
There are copies in the bathroom? |
| 10279 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1733 |
Dwight |
There were. A lot of them. |
| 10280 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1733 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 10281 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Karen |
I think I owe you one. |
| 10282 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Pam |
Sorry? |
| 10283 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Karen |
For talking sense into Halpert. The Day's Inn room 228 was starting to get really depressing. |
| 10284 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, no. Don't worry about it. I mean, he was being ridiculous. |
| 10285 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Karen |
Yeah, but... thanks. Seriously. |
| 10286 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1734 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 10287 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1735 |
Darryl |
Oh, yes! Yes! What'd I tell you? I knew he'd turn up You see that? This is the greatest night of my life. |
| 10288 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Dwight |
Who did this to you? Where is he? |
| 10289 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Pam |
What? No, it's not... it's nothing. |
| 10290 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Dwight |
It's hot in here. |
| 10291 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 10292 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 10293 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Pam |
Thanks. You don't need to stay here. |
| 10294 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1736 |
Dwight |
I know. So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh? |
| 10295 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Jan |
Hello everyone. Hello Michael. |
| 10296 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Michael |
Guh. |
| 10297 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Kevin |
Hi Jan, you look... tan. |
| 10298 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Jan |
I was in Scottsdale visiting my sister. |
| 10299 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Kevin |
Yeah. How was it? |
| 10300 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Jan |
Very sunny. Family's important. Michael, I would like to speak with you, in your office. |
| 10301 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1737 |
Michael |
OK, yup. |
| 10302 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
Why am I here, Michael? |
| 10303 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
I... |
| 10304 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
In the last year, I've gone through a divorce, an identity theft, a husband who would not... communicate. This is nether here or there. My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies and that for once, I should indulge them. You following me? |
| 10305 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
I... I... Yes. |
| 10306 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness, you know? I mean, even, even if it means... lowering my expectations or, or redefining the word, itself. |
| 10307 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
OK, yeah. |
| 10308 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
This is the kind of thing, you know? I am... attracted to you. I, I don't know why, I... but, I am. And, I need to follow my instincts. At least that's what Dr. Perry thinks. |
| 10309 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
Who is Dr. Perry? I... |
| 10310 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
This is the point, OK? You're wrong for me. In... In... every way. But I still find myself wanting to... be with you. |
| 10311 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well. |
| 10312 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
Good, good. |
| 10313 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
So, umm... thanks for coming by. So, I, uh... |
| 10314 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
Well, good, OK. Thank you... for taking the time... |
| 10315 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
Well thanks for coming over, I appreciate - |
| 10316 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
Wait 15 minutes, find an excuse, and meet me at your condo. |
| 10317 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Michael |
Jan, you... complete... me. |
| 10318 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1738 |
Jan |
Oh, God. |
| 10319 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1739 |
Roy |
Hey, remember when we were planning our honeymoon and you wanted to go to Hawaii and I wanted to go to Mexico? |
| 10320 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1739 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 10321 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1739 |
Roy |
I was definitely right. Oh, brother. |
| 10322 |
3 |
12 |
Back from Vacation |
1740 |
Kevin |
What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art. |
| 10323 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
Jim, could you come in here please? |
| 10324 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
Hi, Jim. |
| 10325 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Hello. |
| 10326 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. |
| 10327 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. |
| 10328 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Yeah, you can. |
| 10329 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
You know what? Get Pam. |
| 10330 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
For this? |
| 10331 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
Pam. |
| 10332 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
Pam, you look very hot today. |
| 10333 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. |
| 10334 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 10335 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
Me so horny. Me love you long tim. |
| 10336 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
Oh, that is gross. |
| 10337 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Pam |
Who is 'Long Tim'? |
| 10338 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Michael |
Damn it. |
| 10339 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. |
| 10340 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he? |
| 10341 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Pam |
I would love to meet Long Tim. |
| 10342 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Yeah. Right? |
| 10343 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 10344 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive. |
| 10345 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 10346 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Pam |
Ok. Bye Harvey. |
| 10347 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1741 |
Harvey |
Boobs. |
| 10348 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Kevin |
Angela. |
| 10349 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Angela |
What? |
| 10350 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Kevin |
That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them? |
| 10351 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Angela |
They arrived this morning. |
| 10352 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Kevin |
Are you sure? It is a big deal. |
| 10353 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Angela |
Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin? |
| 10354 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1742 |
Kevin |
... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal. |
| 10355 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1743 |
Andy |
Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river. |
| 10356 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1744 |
Angela |
Everything ok? |
| 10357 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1744 |
Dwight |
Everything is fine. You are in the clear. |
| 10358 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1744 |
Angela |
Thank you. I... I don't want those. |
| 10359 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you. |
| 10360 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Andy |
Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael? |
| 10361 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first. |
| 10362 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Andy |
Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott. |
| 10363 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 10364 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Andy |
Ph. D. Doctor of Sales. |
| 10365 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you. |
| 10366 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Andy |
Well, it is very gracious of you to accept. |
| 10367 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior. |
| 10368 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Phyllis |
We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen. |
| 10369 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Karen |
Oh, uh, thanks. |
| 10370 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley. |
| 10371 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Stanley |
Pass. |
| 10372 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Michael |
You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody. |
| 10373 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1745 |
Stanley |
... I'll take the kid. |
| 10374 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1746 |
Ryan |
I am very flattered. I was his second choice after "Pass." |
| 10375 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1747 |
Michael |
So that just leaves Dwight and Jim. |
| 10376 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1747 |
Dwight |
Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade? |
| 10377 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1747 |
Jim |
Yup. I'll trade. |
| 10378 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1748 |
Jim |
Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot. |
| 10379 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Andy |
Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage. |
| 10380 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Dwight? |
| 10381 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Dwight |
Yup? |
| 10382 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Here ya go. |
| 10383 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Dwight |
Yeah! You want shirts on hangers? |
| 10384 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Please. |
| 10385 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Andy |
He does your laundry? |
| 10386 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." And you guys are the retired marines. And you guys are the mother and daughter. And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go? |
| 10387 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Karen |
Wait, "Amazing Race" like, the biggest sale wins? |
| 10388 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back. |
| 10389 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Ryan |
Is there a prize? |
| 10390 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Just bragging rights. |
| 10391 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Phyllis |
Then how is this "Amazing Race"? |
| 10392 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
It's just... brrrrrr... It's "Amazing Race," Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it. |
| 10393 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Dwight |
Come on!! |
| 10394 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Phyllis |
Michael. |
| 10395 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Michael |
Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos! |
| 10396 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Andy |
Bueno. |
| 10397 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Phyllis |
Do you have a pole? |
| 10398 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1749 |
Karen |
Let's go get a broom. |
| 10399 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1750 |
Jim |
Seriously? You're going to sit in the back? |
| 10400 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1750 |
Dwight |
Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first. |
| 10401 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1751 |
Michael |
Here we go. |
| 10402 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1752 |
Andy |
In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down. |
| 10403 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1753 |
Andy |
What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry? |
| 10404 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1753 |
Michael |
Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment. |
| 10405 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1753 |
Andy |
Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder. |
| 10406 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1754 |
Angela |
Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee? |
| 10407 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1754 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 10408 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1754 |
Angela |
Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun. |
| 10409 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1754 |
Pam |
Ok. Sure. |
| 10410 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1754 |
Angela |
Ok. |
| 10411 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1755 |
Karen |
Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon? |
| 10412 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1755 |
Phyllis |
Um-hmmm. |
| 10413 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1756 |
Ryan |
Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after? |
| 10414 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1756 |
Stanley |
You want the lead? |
| 10415 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1756 |
Ryan |
Yeah, if you don't mind. |
| 10416 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1756 |
Stanley |
Mind? Nothing would delight me more. |
| 10417 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1757 |
Dwight |
Leave the keys. |
| 10418 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1757 |
Jim |
You still do that thing? |
| 10419 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1757 |
Dwight |
Leave the keys! |
| 10420 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1758 |
Andy |
I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know? |
| 10421 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1758 |
Michael |
Hawkman. |
| 10422 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1759 |
Andy |
My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons. |
| 10423 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1759 |
Michael |
Let's go. The men's room was disgusting. |
| 10424 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1760 |
Jim |
After you sir. |
| 10425 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1760 |
Dwight |
No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. |
| 10426 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1760 |
Jim |
Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front. |
| 10427 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1760 |
Dwight |
Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with... |
| 10428 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1761 |
Pam |
Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time. |
| 10429 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1761 |
Angela |
This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot. |
| 10430 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1761 |
Pam |
That's great. |
| 10431 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1761 |
Angela |
Yes, it is. Hello? |
| 10432 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack? |
| 10433 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Buyer |
Yep. |
| 10434 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big. |
| 10435 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Andy |
Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once. |
| 10436 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency. |
| 10437 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Andy |
Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York. |
| 10438 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Buyer |
Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past. |
| 10439 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company. |
| 10440 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Andy |
Oh, man, that is, like, poetry. |
| 10441 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
No. |
| 10442 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Andy |
I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. |
| 10443 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Michael |
Stop it. Stop it. |
| 10444 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1762 |
Andy |
Ow. |
| 10445 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1763 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. This is Pam. I did? |
| 10446 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1764 |
Andy |
Oh man. Talk about your classic "Lame dash O." Do we even want that guy buying our paper? |
| 10447 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1764 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 10448 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Andy |
I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. |
| 10449 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Michael |
Ah, no. Don't worry about it. |
| 10450 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Andy |
I really 'Schruted' it. |
| 10451 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Michael |
What? |
| 10452 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Andy |
'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute? |
| 10453 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1765 |
Michael |
I don't know. Who knows how words are formed. |
| 10454 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1766 |
Phyllis |
It's a big order. Thanks Kenny. |
| 10455 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1766 |
Karen |
Yeah, thank you. |
| 10456 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1766 |
Phyllis |
Hey, how's Annie? |
| 10457 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1766 |
Kenny |
Oh, she's great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda? |
| 10458 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Julius |
Stanley Hudson. |
| 10459 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Stanley |
Ah, Julius, how's it goin'? |
| 10460 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Julius |
Great, great, great. |
| 10461 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Guy |
Stanley. |
| 10462 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Stanley |
So good to see you too. I'd like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard. |
| 10463 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Ryan |
Hi. |
| 10464 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Stanley |
I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan? |
| 10465 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Ryan |
Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. |
| 10466 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Julius |
Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us? |
| 10467 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1767 |
Ryan |
Oh... |
| 10468 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Jim |
We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser. |
| 10469 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Man |
'Kay. 'Kay. |
| 10470 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Dwight |
Can I use your phone? |
| 10471 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Man |
Yeah, sure, go ahead. |
| 10472 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Dwight |
Thanks. |
| 10473 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Jim |
Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked. |
| 10474 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Dwight |
One... |
| 10475 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Jim |
We have discount prices on ink cartridges... |
| 10476 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Dwight |
Three... |
| 10477 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Jim |
And, also, any forms that you are going to need... |
| 10478 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Dwight |
Seven... |
| 10479 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1768 |
Jim |
We can custom make them. |
| 10480 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1769 |
Pam |
Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I'd like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me. |
| 10481 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Pam |
Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today. |
| 10482 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Kevin |
How much did you win? |
| 10483 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Pam |
100 |
| 10484 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Kevin |
I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night. |
| 10485 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Pam |
Cool. Congratulations. |
| 10486 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1770 |
Kevin |
Thanks, so sweet. |
| 10487 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1771 |
Stanley |
Ha ha ha! And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old! |
| 10488 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Man |
We'll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys. |
| 10489 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Dwight |
Sure. |
| 10490 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Jim |
Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service? |
| 10491 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Man |
It's very. |
| 10492 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Phone |
Please keep holding, your call is very important to us. |
| 10493 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Dwight |
Erm, that's one of the 'Big guys.' Been on hold this whole time. |
| 10494 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Jim |
And this is Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 10495 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Kelly |
Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. |
| 10496 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Jim |
Hey, Kelly, it's Jim. |
| 10497 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Kelly |
Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you ... . |
| 10498 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Dwight |
Here is my card. It's got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays. |
| 10499 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Man |
All right, I get it. We got a deal. |
| 10500 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1772 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 10501 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Pam |
Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest. |
| 10502 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Angela |
That's great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens. |
| 10503 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 10504 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Angela |
I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash. |
| 10505 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Pam |
Oh? |
| 10506 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Angela |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 10507 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Pam |
Hmm. I don't think so. But thanks. My building manager... is... You understand. |
| 10508 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1773 |
Angela |
Well then. Have a nice day. |
| 10509 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Karen |
Thanks. That was fun. |
| 10510 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person. |
| 10511 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Karen |
Thank you. |
| 10512 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Phyllis |
I'm so glad you're with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her. |
| 10513 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Karen |
That's nice. |
| 10514 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1774 |
Phyllis |
You can pay me back later for the makeover. |
| 10515 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Andy |
Hey boss. Got a minute? |
| 10516 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Michael |
Yes, Andy. |
| 10517 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Andy |
I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning? |
| 10518 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Michael |
He didn't say. |
| 10519 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Andy |
That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something? |
| 10520 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1775 |
Michael |
No, you are remembering it wrong. |
| 10521 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1776 |
Michael |
Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. |
| 10522 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1777 |
Dwight |
I like Karen. She's pretty and appears intelligent. |
| 10523 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1777 |
Jim |
Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence. |
| 10524 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1777 |
Dwight |
My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys. |
| 10525 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1777 |
Jim |
We should go on a double date. |
| 10526 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1777 |
Dwight |
No thank you. |
| 10527 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1778 |
Jan |
Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc." |
| 10528 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1778 |
Michael |
I knew it. |
| 10529 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1778 |
Andy |
Oh, doggie. |
| 10530 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1779 |
Karen |
Hey, do you want to grab a coffee? |
| 10531 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1779 |
Jim |
Sure. Look at you! |
| 10532 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1779 |
Karen |
Yeah. |
| 10533 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Beesley, coffee? |
| 10534 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
No, thanks. I had some already. |
| 10535 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 10536 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
Oh, but, hey, Jim. |
| 10537 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 10538 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
I won an art contest today. |
| 10539 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
No way! All right Pam. Congratulations. |
| 10540 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 10541 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Which one was it? |
| 10542 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
I sent in one of my watercolors. |
| 10543 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Cool. |
| 10544 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
It was the new one I did. |
| 10545 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Oh |
| 10546 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Karen |
You ready Jim? |
| 10547 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Yeah. Can I see it when I get back? |
| 10548 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 10549 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Congratulations. |
| 10550 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 10551 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1780 |
Jim |
Big deal. |
| 10552 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
Hey, we nailed the sale! |
| 10553 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
Where were you this morning? |
| 10554 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow. |
| 10555 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
Why do you lie, liar? |
| 10556 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
I am not a liar. |
| 10557 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
You are lying right now. |
| 10558 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Andy |
It sure seems like he is lying. |
| 10559 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
Stay out of this, you! |
| 10560 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing. |
| 10561 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company. |
| 10562 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard. |
| 10563 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Dwight |
That's what she said. |
| 10564 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1781 |
Michael |
Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day. |
| 10565 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1782 |
Dwight |
It's going to be ok. |
| 10566 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1782 |
Angela |
How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business. |
| 10567 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1782 |
Dwight |
That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan. |
| 10568 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1782 |
Angela |
I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world. |
| 10569 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1782 |
Dwight |
Well, I don't have a lot of choices. |
| 10570 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Karen |
So, let me ask you a question. |
| 10571 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 10572 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Karen |
Did you ever have a thing for Pam? |
| 10573 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Jim |
Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something? |
| 10574 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Karen |
I moved here from Connecticut... |
| 10575 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Jim |
Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay? |
| 10576 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1783 |
Karen |
'Kay. |
| 10577 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1784 |
Dwight |
Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... . |
| 10578 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1785 |
Andy |
Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp. |
| 10579 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1786 |
Dwight |
I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this. |
| 10580 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1786 |
Michael |
Good luck. |
| 10581 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1787 |
Ryan |
Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed. |
| 10582 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1788 |
Angela |
Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had. |
| 10583 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1789 |
Dwight |
One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered. |
| 10584 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1790 |
Jim |
Hey man. |
| 10585 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1790 |
Karen |
What happened on your sales call? |
| 10586 |
3 |
13 |
Traveling Salesmen |
1791 |
Andy |
Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... Hello? Pretty good. |
| 10587 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1792 |
Dwight |
I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it's very exciting. |
| 10588 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1793 |
Dwight |
For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia. |
| 10589 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1794 |
Dwight |
I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me. |
| 10590 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1795 |
Dwight |
How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable. |
| 10591 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1796 |
Dwight |
There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon. |
| 10592 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1797 |
Dwight |
I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. Oops. Break's over. |
| 10593 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
Big Turkey. |
| 10594 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Jim |
Is that you singing? |
| 10595 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever. |
| 10596 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Jim |
Nice job. |
| 10597 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
Thank you muchly. |
| 10598 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Jim |
You gonna answer it? |
| 10599 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring. |
| 10600 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 10601 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you. |
| 10602 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 10603 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1798 |
Andy |
I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. Andy and the tuna... |
| 10604 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1799 |
Jim |
I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win. |
| 10605 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Michael |
Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover. |
| 10606 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Andy |
The cost of doing business. |
| 10607 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Michael |
Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman... |
| 10608 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Andy |
Was the top salesman... |
| 10609 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Michael |
I said 'was'. |
| 10610 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Andy |
Addition by subtraction. |
| 10611 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Michael |
What does that even mean? That is impossible. |
| 10612 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Andy |
Mmmm. Yeah you're right. |
| 10613 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1800 |
Michael |
But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits. |
| 10614 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Oscar |
Hey, everyone. |
| 10615 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Kevin |
Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation? |
| 10616 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Oscar |
Oh, that's very funny. |
| 10617 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Kevin |
Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left. |
| 10618 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Oscar |
Hi, Angela. |
| 10619 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1801 |
Angela |
Oscar. |
| 10620 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Andy |
Hey, boss. |
| 10621 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Michael |
Hey, what's up. |
| 10622 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Andy |
Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right? |
| 10623 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 10624 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Andy |
Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my "Lost" on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out? |
| 10625 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Michael |
I don't know. Maybe. |
| 10626 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Andy |
Well, I will take that as a maybe. Where are you going? |
| 10627 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Michael |
Bathroom. |
| 10628 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1802 |
Andy |
Oh, well, I'm going to the kitchen, I'll walk with you. |
| 10629 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1803 |
Andy |
Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the boss. |
| 10630 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Angela |
Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee? |
| 10631 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Oscar |
The one of all women? |
| 10632 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 10633 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Oscar |
Because I'm gay? |
| 10634 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Angela |
No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations. |
| 10635 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Oscar |
OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you. |
| 10636 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 10637 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Kevin |
Can I join too? |
| 10638 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1804 |
Angela |
Never. |
| 10639 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1805 |
Staples Guy |
You sell those two printers this morning? Nice work. |
| 10640 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1805 |
Dwight |
Child's play. Give me something hard to sell. |
| 10641 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Wow. What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible. |
| 10642 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Pam |
Do you want me to ask the cleaning crew if they stopped watering it? |
| 10643 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning. |
| 10644 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Pam |
Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight. |
| 10645 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office. |
| 10646 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Andy |
Feel ya, dawg. |
| 10647 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Yeah, do you? |
| 10648 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Andy |
Absolutely. |
| 10649 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
What did I say? |
| 10650 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Andy |
You said... |
| 10651 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Huh. |
| 10652 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Andy |
Which is like, "Right on." And Pam was like "blah blah blah" and you were like "Yeah, psht." Nailed it. |
| 10653 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Michael |
Oh, no. |
| 10654 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1806 |
Andy |
Oh, no. |
| 10655 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1807 |
MIchael |
Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness. |
| 10656 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Oscar |
I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party. |
| 10657 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Michael |
No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific. |
| 10658 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Oscar |
Michael -- |
| 10659 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Michael |
No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga. |
| 10660 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Oscar |
Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe. |
| 10661 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1808 |
Michael |
Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one. |
| 10662 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1809 |
Dwight |
Need any help? |
| 10663 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1809 |
Lady |
Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking. |
| 10664 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1809 |
Dwight |
Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all. |
| 10665 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1809 |
Lady |
Okay. |
| 10666 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1810 |
Andy |
I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Oh, oh, got my rod here. Whizzzzz. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Cli -- ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh! |
| 10667 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 10668 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 10669 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Jim |
So Andy is in rare form today. |
| 10670 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Karen |
Yeah, you should not encourage him. |
| 10671 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Jim |
Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something. |
| 10672 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Karen |
Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't. |
| 10673 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1811 |
Jim |
Fine. Party pooper. |
| 10674 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1812 |
Michael |
Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep. |
| 10675 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1813 |
Andy |
185 pounder. Check it out. Whew! |
| 10676 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Jim |
Hey, Ryan? |
| 10677 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 10678 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Jim |
You wanna pull a prank on Andy? |
| 10679 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Ryan |
Not right now, but ask me again ten years ago. |
| 10680 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Jim |
I liked you better when you were the temp. |
| 10681 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1814 |
Ryan |
Yeah, me too. |
| 10682 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Michael |
Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay? |
| 10683 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Phyllis |
Sort of. He had a lot of clients. |
| 10684 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Michael |
Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight? |
| 10685 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Stanley |
Oh, sure, we talk all the time. |
| 10686 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 10687 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 10688 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Michael |
Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close. |
| 10689 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1815 |
Phyllis |
No. Sorry. |
| 10690 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1816 |
Phyllis |
Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive. |
| 10691 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Paris |
Really comin' down out there. Commute's gonna be hell. |
| 10692 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Dwight |
I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination. |
| 10693 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Paris |
So um, where were you workin' before this? |
| 10694 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Dwight |
Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 10695 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Paris |
What kind of company is that? |
| 10696 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Dwight |
Paper company. They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area. |
| 10697 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Paris |
I never heard of 'em. |
| 10698 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Dwight |
Whoa. Really? Have you heard of paper? |
| 10699 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1817 |
Paris |
You gonna be like that, huh? |
| 10700 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1818 |
Paris |
I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter. |
| 10701 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Andy |
In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed. |
| 10702 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Jim |
Would you like to pull a prank on Andy? |
| 10703 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Pam |
Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of -- yes please. |
| 10704 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Jim |
Okay, good. Stay right here. |
| 10705 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Andy |
Oh. Good move, Tuna. Nice one. |
| 10706 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Jim |
Are there any messages? |
| 10707 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Pam |
Nope. |
| 10708 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Jim |
So weird. |
| 10709 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1819 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 10710 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1820 |
Michael |
Nice to have Oscar back. |
| 10711 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1820 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 10712 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1821 |
Andy |
Large Tuna. Have you seen my cell phone device? |
| 10713 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1821 |
Jim |
No. |
| 10714 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1821 |
Andy |
Cause someone is calling right now. There is a call. |
| 10715 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1822 |
Pam |
Angela? |
| 10716 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1822 |
Angela |
Oh. |
| 10717 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1822 |
Pam |
Is everything okay? |
| 10718 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1822 |
Angela |
No. |
| 10719 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Andy |
What's going on? |
| 10720 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? |
| 10721 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Andy |
Where is my FREAKING phone?! |
| 10722 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Jim |
You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling. |
| 10723 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Andy |
Maybe you're in the ceiling! |
| 10724 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 10725 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1823 |
Andy |
I don't trust you, Phyllis! |
| 10726 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1824 |
Angela |
I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair, Kevin never reminded me. |
| 10727 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1824 |
Michael |
Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company. |
| 10728 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1824 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 10729 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1824 |
Michael |
Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you? |
| 10730 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1824 |
Angela |
None of them. Especially not Andy. |
| 10731 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Michael |
Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly. |
| 10732 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Andy |
Wait up. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with? |
| 10733 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Michael |
Um. |
| 10734 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Andy |
Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football - Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll hit the tiz-own. |
| 10735 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Michael |
No. I don't want to do any of that. |
| 10736 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Andy |
Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that. |
| 10737 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Michael |
No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy. |
| 10738 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Andy |
Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good? |
| 10739 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 10740 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1825 |
Andy |
Sure? Okay. |
| 10741 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
Well, that question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you. |
| 10742 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 10743 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 10744 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
What's up? |
| 10745 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
Same old. |
| 10746 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did. |
| 10747 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
Oh my God, she told you? |
| 10748 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize. |
| 10749 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
Accepted. |
| 10750 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
How's this place treating you? |
| 10751 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
The boss isn't funny. |
| 10752 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
Oh, well. |
| 10753 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
I don't get to wear my ties. |
| 10754 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
No. I'm sure. |
| 10755 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
So? |
| 10756 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please. |
| 10757 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Dwight |
I don't want to do your laundry anymore. |
| 10758 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1826 |
Michael |
We can talk about that. All right. |
| 10759 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1827 |
Jim |
Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall. |
| 10760 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1827 |
Pam |
I think we broke his brain. |
| 10761 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1827 |
Jim |
"It's not freakin' funny!" |
| 10762 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Angela |
Are you enjoying your fiesta? |
| 10763 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Oscar |
Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- it's great. |
| 10764 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Michael |
Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute! |
| 10765 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Everybody |
Yay. |
| 10766 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Angela |
Welcome back. |
| 10767 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 10768 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Michael |
Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. Not bad, huh? |
| 10769 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Dwight |
You did this for me? |
| 10770 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1828 |
Michael |
Guilty. |
| 10771 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1829 |
Creed |
Oh... Where did you get this stuff? |
| 10772 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1829 |
Meredith |
Gerty's. |
| 10773 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1829 |
Creed |
Which aisle? |
| 10774 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1829 |
Meredith |
I don't remember. |
| 10775 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1829 |
Creed |
Well, draw me a map, mama. |
| 10776 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1830 |
Michael |
Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours. |
| 10777 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1830 |
Pam |
No, I will not. |
| 10778 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1831 |
Michael |
So does this remind you of your childhood right now? |
| 10779 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1831 |
Oscar |
It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase. |
| 10780 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1831 |
Michael |
Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much. |
| 10781 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1832 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 10782 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1832 |
Karen |
Do you still have feelings for her? |
| 10783 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1832 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 10784 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1833 |
Michael |
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor? |
| 10785 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1833 |
Dwight |
Oh, man. No, no, no. I don't need it. Get out! |
| 10786 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1834 |
Michael |
It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm. |
| 10787 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Andy |
So Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. Anger management, technically, but still. Management material. This whole thing supposed to take ten weeks, but I can be done in five. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and positive reinforcement through nods and smiles. So, don't worry about old Andy Bernard. I'll be back. Just like Rambo, so. |
| 10788 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Marcy |
Oh, hi. You must be Andy. |
| 10789 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Andy |
Oh, hi! Yes. I am and you must be... Marcy! |
| 10790 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Marcy |
That's right, it's so good to meet you. |
| 10791 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Andy |
It's so good to meet you! |
| 10792 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Marcy |
Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun? |
| 10793 |
3 |
14 |
The Return |
1835 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 10794 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1836 |
Michael |
Hello son. If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. Life is a road--- |
| 10795 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1836 |
Dwight |
How do you know it's going to be a boy? |
| 10796 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1836 |
Michael |
How, would you stop interrupting please? |
| 10797 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1837 |
Michael |
Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life. |
| 10798 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1838 |
Michael |
Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to. |
| 10799 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1839 |
Michael |
To jump start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever. |
| 10800 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1840 |
Michael |
Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. |
| 10801 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1840 |
Pam |
What? |
| 10802 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1840 |
Michael |
We will demonstrate on Pam. |
| 10803 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1840 |
Pam |
No. No. |
| 10804 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1840 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 10805 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1841 |
Michael |
You just twist your hand until something breaks. |
| 10806 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1841 |
Dwight |
Ow. |
| 10807 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1841 |
Michael |
Well you get the picture. Thanks Pam. |
| 10808 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Michael |
And remember no matter what, I will always love you. |
| 10809 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Dwight |
What if he's a murderer? |
| 10810 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Michael |
He's not going to be a murderer. |
| 10811 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Dwight |
Maybe that's how you die. |
| 10812 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Michael |
You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this, or no? |
| 10813 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Dwight |
I want to do this. |
| 10814 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Michael |
Okay. From the top. Ready? Three- |
| 10815 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1842 |
Dwight |
Action. |
| 10816 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1843 |
Michael |
Hello everyone! As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. So get your suits to the dry cleaner and get your hair did. And Karen, um, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta. |
| 10817 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1844 |
Jim |
Prima nocta, I believe from the movie Braveheart, and confirmed on wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So... |
| 10818 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1845 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant. |
| 10819 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1846 |
Michael |
I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding because I want her to get people excited about my wedding when the time comes. Which won't be hard, because it's going to be awesome. A lot better than hers, that's for sure. It'll probably be on a boat. |
| 10820 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1847 |
Michael |
What's up spinsters? |
| 10821 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1847 |
Angela |
Nothing. You know this is a luncheon shower. Girls only. |
| 10822 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1847 |
Michael |
No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. It is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guy's night out. A G-N-O if you will. A Gah-No. Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not- not- it's uh, not gay, it's just a, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys. |
| 10823 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1848 |
Karen |
I guess Jim and I have had a little bit of a rough patch for the past couple weeks but we had some really good talks and actually now I think that we're better than ever. |
| 10824 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1849 |
Jim |
Karen and I had a long talk last night and the night before that and uh, every night, for the last five nights. |
| 10825 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1850 |
Pam |
Something's up with Jim and Karen. Not that I've been eavesdropping. It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck. |
| 10826 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody it's me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer. |
| 10827 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Karen |
Karen Fillipelli. Jim's girlfriend. |
| 10828 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
Shut up! |
| 10829 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Karen |
Yep. |
| 10830 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
Shut it! |
| 10831 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Karen |
That's rude. |
| 10832 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight! |
| 10833 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes! Oh! There-oh! |
| 10834 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
What happened? |
| 10835 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Michael |
Oh God- |
| 10836 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Packer |
Quick somebody help! Help the man! |
| 10837 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1851 |
Michael |
No, no, no! |
| 10838 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
I can't believe you're not going to be there. It's going to be good, it's going to be a great bachelor party man. |
| 10839 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Packer |
I have a full day of sales calls. |
| 10840 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
You should get out of them. |
| 10841 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
It's the only time he can do it. 2:30 to 3:15. It's going to be great. We're going to be doing some darts, we're going to be grilling up some steaks, got some pie. Going to be very delicious. |
| 10842 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Packer |
And what kind of stripper did you get? |
| 10843 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
I did not order a stripper. |
| 10844 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Packer |
You didn't order a stripper? Have you ever even been to a bachelor party? |
| 10845 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
Um, not personally, no. |
| 10846 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Packer |
Mike, okay, a stripper is bachelor party 101. If you don't get a stripper your party is going to suck it hard. |
| 10847 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
I can't get a stripper here. Sexual Harassment. |
| 10848 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Packer |
Just get one for the girls too. That evens it out. You know, separate but equal. |
| 10849 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1852 |
Michael |
So that's what that means. |
| 10850 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Michael |
Okay everybody, slight change of plans, we are still going to be having two parties but each is going to get a little extra dose of naught-ay. Uh! |
| 10851 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Dwight |
Alright! Uh! |
| 10852 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Michael |
Gay. |
| 10853 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 10854 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Michael |
Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies. |
| 10855 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Angela |
Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office. |
| 10856 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1853 |
Meredith |
SHUT UP ANGELA! |
| 10857 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 10858 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 10859 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Ugh. |
| 10860 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Ugh. |
| 10861 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Everything okay? |
| 10862 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. Why? |
| 10863 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Well you seem a little tired. |
| 10864 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking. |
| 10865 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
You should get more sleep. |
| 10866 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Yeah, I know I should. |
| 10867 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. |
| 10868 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
No, I'm sure you're right. |
| 10869 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference. |
| 10870 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 10871 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not. |
| 10872 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Jim |
Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there. |
| 10873 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1854 |
Pam |
Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk. Oh my God. |
| 10874 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1855 |
Michael |
Okay. We are off. Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies and I need you to handle hiring the strippers. |
| 10875 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1855 |
Jim |
Absolutely not. |
| 10876 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1855 |
Dwight |
I'm on it. |
| 10877 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1855 |
Michael |
Well get on it. And make it happen. |
| 10878 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Dwight |
Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats. No, TATS. Of course I want- |
| 10879 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Jim |
Stop. That's disgusting. |
| 10880 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Dwight |
Leave me alone and get the male stripper. |
| 10881 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Jim |
Fine. |
| 10882 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Dwight |
I knew you would, Nancy. |
| 10883 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Jim |
Sally. |
| 10884 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Dwight |
No preference, what do you think redhead or brunette? |
| 10885 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Jim |
Blonde. |
| 10886 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1856 |
Dwight |
Nice. Do you have any blonde women? |
| 10887 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Ryan |
He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling. |
| 10888 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Michael |
Gotcha, oh! Yes? |
| 10889 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Jim |
Are you okay? |
| 10890 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Michael |
I'm in the, I'm in the s*x shop. |
| 10891 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Jim |
Ah, gotcha. Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, or Sponge Bob Squarepants. |
| 10892 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Michael |
Squarepants? |
| 10893 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Jim |
Yep, Spongebob Squarepants. |
| 10894 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1857 |
Michael |
And you think that'd be sexy? |
| 10895 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1858 |
Jim |
Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania. |
| 10896 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Ben Franklin |
Hold the door please! |
| 10897 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 10898 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Ben Franklin |
Thank you. |
| 10899 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Michael |
Oh. Hello! |
| 10900 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Ben Franklin |
Hello! |
| 10901 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Michael |
You wearing a thong? |
| 10902 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1859 |
Ben Franklin |
What? |
| 10903 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Angela |
Sparkling cider is very good. |
| 10904 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Pam |
I think that's champagne. |
| 10905 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
Hello ladies. Who here is a history buff? Who's a fan of buff naked? Without further ado, the one, the only, the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin. |
| 10906 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Ben Franklin |
Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott, and good afternoon fine gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin. |
| 10907 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
Half pants, right Mr. Franklin? |
| 10908 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Ben Franklin |
Knickers in fact, yes! |
| 10909 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
He's in his knickers. Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever. |
| 10910 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Ben Franklin |
Well, actually, I never was president. |
| 10911 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
Yes, but, Ben Franklin was. |
| 10912 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Ben Franklin |
Ah. I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life and the era of the founding fathers. |
| 10913 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
And when they came over on the Mayflower. Bow chicka bow. |
| 10914 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Meredith |
Wait, this is the entertainment? |
| 10915 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1860 |
Michael |
Yeah, alright, so I want you to give him your undivided attention and Mr. Franklin, if any of these ladies misbehave I give you permission to spank them. Especially that one. |
| 10916 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Jim |
Have you ever seen a stripper before? |
| 10917 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Dwight |
Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases. |
| 10918 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Jim |
Yeah, me neither. |
| 10919 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Elizabeth |
Hey. |
| 10920 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 10921 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Elizabeth |
I'm Elizabeth, I'm the dancer that was requested. |
| 10922 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Dwight |
Okay, I specifically ordered a stripper. |
| 10923 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Elizabeth |
I'm the stripper. |
| 10924 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Dwight |
Oh, okay good. Well in the future please identify yourself as such. |
| 10925 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Jim |
Oh God. |
| 10926 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1861 |
Dwight |
Is she hot? Text back, "Kind of." |
| 10927 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Ben Franklin |
It was a warm June evening in 1752, the night of my fateful kite flight. |
| 10928 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Karen |
Mr. Franklin? |
| 10929 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Ben Franklin |
Yes? |
| 10930 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Karen |
Do you have a girlfriend? |
| 10931 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Ben Franklin |
I have a lovely wife, Deborah. |
| 10932 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Pam |
But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? Like a lot of them? |
| 10933 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1862 |
Ben Franklin |
Uh, well that is a grey area of my life. Okay? So, it was a warm June evening. |
| 10934 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1863 |
Michael |
Look at that. Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors. |
| 10935 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1863 |
Ryan |
Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on? |
| 10936 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1863 |
Michael |
No. Yes. |
| 10937 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1863 |
Ryan |
Oh gross. |
| 10938 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1863 |
Michael |
But I got all the foot off of it. |
| 10939 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1864 |
Pam |
Okay Ben Franklin! |
| 10940 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1864 |
Karen |
Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem with his mouth! |
| 10941 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1864 |
Ben Franklin |
Well, that is because I am a renaissance man. |
| 10942 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1864 |
Pam |
Ben Franklin, do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons? |
| 10943 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1864 |
Ben Franklin |
Well, you're very saucy! |
| 10944 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1865 |
Michael |
Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat? |
| 10945 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1865 |
Dwight |
I do! I want some man meat! |
| 10946 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1865 |
Jim |
Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. |
| 10947 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1865 |
Michael |
Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity. |
| 10948 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1865 |
Stanley |
Of course. |
| 10949 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
So I guess you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume and you figure, how can I put this to practical use? |
| 10950 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Well I like to think that his dad was a Ben Franklin impersonator and he really pressured him into it. |
| 10951 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
Hey um, I wanted to talk to you. I know this is weird or whatever, but Jim told me about you guys. |
| 10952 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
What do you mean? |
| 10953 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
Well that you kissed. And we talked it through and it's totally fine, it's not a big deal. It's just a kiss. Wait- you're not still interested in him? |
| 10954 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Oh yeah. |
| 10955 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
Really? |
| 10956 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Oh no, I was confused by your phrasing. You should definitely go out with Jim. I mean, you're going out with Jim. I'm not going out with Jim. You're dating him, which is awesome, because you guys are great together. |
| 10957 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
Okay. |
| 10958 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
I'm not into Jim. Yeah. |
| 10959 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
So um, well good. |
| 10960 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Yeah. Sorry. |
| 10961 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
What are you sorry about? |
| 10962 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Um, what? |
| 10963 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Karen |
What are you sorry about? |
| 10964 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1866 |
Pam |
Nothing. I was just thinking of something else. |
| 10965 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Kevin |
Okay. The game is no limit deuce to seven lowball. Lines twenty five fifty, nickels are worth ten, dimes twenty-five, and quarters fifty. Nothing wild. |
| 10966 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Michael |
I call shuffle. Here we go. |
| 10967 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Kevin |
Michael. |
| 10968 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Michael |
Ah, gentlemen, the entertainment is here. Everybody I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth. |
| 10969 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Elizabeth |
Hi guys! |
| 10970 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Michael |
Nice outfit. |
| 10971 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1867 |
Elizabeth |
I hear there's an important meeting here. |
| 10972 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1868 |
Roy |
I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art. |
| 10973 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Hit it. So where's the groom? |
| 10974 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
He's right there. There he is. |
| 10975 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Bob Vance |
Absolutely not. That's all you. That's all you. |
| 10976 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I? |
| 10977 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Just sit on down. |
| 10978 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 10979 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Alright. |
| 10980 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 10981 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Here we go. |
| 10982 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Here we go. Alright! |
| 10983 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Yeah! |
| 10984 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide. |
| 10985 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
Mmm, what's that? |
| 10986 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? Ha ha ha! I have a girlfriend so... |
| 10987 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Elizabeth |
I bet she'd be jealous. |
| 10988 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1869 |
Michael |
Yeah she probably, yeah she would be. You know what, okay, excuse me. Please stop it, stop it. Turn off the music. This is wrong, this is wrong! This is wrong! I have a girlfriend. And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something so lets just clear out okay. Shame on you. Go back to work! |
| 10989 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1870 |
Dwight |
Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. When the phone rings, answer it. |
| 10990 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1870 |
Elizabeth |
You want me to answer phones with my clothes on. |
| 10991 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1870 |
Dwight |
We hired you for three hours work and we're going to get it. |
| 10992 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1870 |
Elizabeth |
Oh I love your poster. |
| 10993 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1870 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 10994 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Ben Franklin |
You know I invented electricity. |
| 10995 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 10996 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Ben Franklin |
Well I'm sensing a little electricity right here. |
| 10997 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Pam |
Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? |
| 10998 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Ben Franklin |
Yes, but I don't. My name is Gordon. |
| 10999 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1871 |
Pam |
Ohhh. |
| 11000 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1872 |
Michael |
On one hand I want to be honest with Jan and tell her the truth but on the other hand I'm afraid she's going to dump me. |
| 11001 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1872 |
Ben Franklin |
You know Michael, I fathered an illegitimate son. |
| 11002 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1872 |
Michael |
Really. |
| 11003 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1872 |
Ben Franklin |
But I kept all this from my wife Deborah. These things only serve to upset the women. They are the gentler s*x. |
| 11004 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1872 |
Michael |
Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag. |
| 11005 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1873 |
Michael |
Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? |
| 11006 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1873 |
Elizabeth |
Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone. |
| 11007 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1873 |
Michael |
Wow. Thank you. |
| 11008 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Dwight |
Care for a piece of chocolate? |
| 11009 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Ben Franklin |
Chocolate! Where did you acquire it? That is a delicacy in the Amazon but it has not yet been imported to the United States. |
| 11010 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Dwight |
Who is the king of Austria? |
| 11011 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Ben Franklin |
Joseph the 2nd. |
| 11012 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Dwight |
Who is the king of Prussia? |
| 11013 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Ben Franklin |
Fredrick Wilhelm the 3rd. |
| 11014 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Dwight |
Who is the king of England? |
| 11015 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1874 |
Ben Franklin |
Why the tyrant King George, of course! |
| 11016 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1875 |
Dwight |
I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure. |
| 11017 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Jan |
Michael, I left a meeting. What is so urgent? Are you, are you okay? |
| 11018 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Michael |
Not really, look I don't know how to say this so I just will. |
| 11019 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Jan |
Okay. |
| 11020 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Michael |
I went to a bachelor party and things got a little out of hand. |
| 11021 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Jan |
Uh when, when did, when last night? |
| 11022 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Michael |
No, today at work. |
| 11023 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Jan |
You went to a bachelor party at work? |
| 11024 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1876 |
Michael |
Yes. I kind of arranged it. |
| 11025 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Kelly |
Well I don't even think the stripper was that hot. Do you guys think she was hot? |
| 11026 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Ryan |
Kelly don't do this. |
| 11027 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Kelly |
Do what? I just asked you a question. |
| 11028 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Ryan |
You know what you're doing. |
| 11029 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Kelly |
Anyway, do you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam. |
| 11030 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Jim |
Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. I'm glad. Any real potential there Beesley? |
| 11031 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Pam |
Yeah, right. God, I need a boyfriend. You know Ryan I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever. |
| 11032 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1877 |
Ryan |
Ok. |
| 11033 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1878 |
Elizabeth |
Oh my God, I would get so fat if I worked here. |
| 11034 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1878 |
Pam |
Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time. |
| 11035 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1878 |
Elizabeth |
You could strip you know. |
| 11036 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1878 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 11037 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1879 |
Michael |
So you don't want to end our relationship? |
| 11038 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1879 |
Jan |
I'm closer to firing you. |
| 11039 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1879 |
Michael |
That is so sweet. You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that? |
| 11040 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1879 |
Jan |
I'll talk to you later. |
| 11041 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1879 |
Michael |
You are. You are. |
| 11042 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1880 |
Michael |
So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't. |
| 11043 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1881 |
Dwight |
Are you near sighted or far sighted? |
| 11044 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1881 |
Ben Franklin |
Both. That's why I invented the bifocal. |
| 11045 |
3 |
15 |
Ben Franklin |
1881 |
Dwight |
GAH!!! |
| 11046 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1882 |
Jim |
Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid? |
| 11047 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1882 |
Dwight |
What do you think? |
| 11048 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1883 |
Jim |
In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment. |
| 11049 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1884 |
Jim |
Dwight, want an Altoid? |
| 11050 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1884 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 11051 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1885 |
Jim |
Altoid? |
| 11052 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1885 |
Dwight |
Sure |
| 11053 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1886 |
Jim |
Mint Dwight? |
| 11054 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1886 |
Dwight |
Inbwit? Yes. |
| 11055 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1887 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 11056 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1887 |
Dwight |
I... |
| 11057 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1887 |
Jim |
What? |
| 11058 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1887 |
Dwight |
I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden. |
| 11059 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1888 |
Michael |
Always the bridesmaids, right ladies? |
| 11060 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1888 |
Photographer |
Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great. |
| 11061 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1889 |
Michael |
Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride. |
| 11062 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1890 |
Phyllis |
Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before. |
| 11063 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1891 |
Pam |
Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'. |
| 11064 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1892 |
Jim |
So what's in the box? |
| 11065 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1892 |
Stanley |
A toaster, you? |
| 11066 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1892 |
Karen |
A toaster. |
| 11067 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1892 |
Stanley |
Unbelievable. |
| 11068 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1893 |
Dwight |
Hello, Angela. |
| 11069 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1893 |
Angela |
Hi, Dwight. |
| 11070 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1893 |
Dwight |
You look as beautiful as the Queen of England. |
| 11071 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1893 |
Angela |
Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left! |
| 11072 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1894 |
Dwight |
The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair. |
| 11073 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1895 |
Jim |
Those flowers are nice. |
| 11074 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1895 |
Karen |
Yeah. P and R? |
| 11075 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1895 |
Jim |
Phyllis and Robert. |
| 11076 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1895 |
Karen |
Ah, of course. |
| 11077 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1896 |
Pam |
Also, Pam and Roy. |
| 11078 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin. |
| 11079 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside. |
| 11080 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
How you doin'? You excited. |
| 11081 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
Yes, very. |
| 11082 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight? |
| 11083 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
No. |
| 11084 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous... |
| 11085 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
That wasn't me. |
| 11086 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle? |
| 11087 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
I thought it was... |
| 11088 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
Here, let me... |
| 11089 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
Michael... No. |
| 11090 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
Just cover up that bald patch. |
| 11091 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Phyllis |
I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone. |
| 11092 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1897 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 11093 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1898 |
Michael |
You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet. |
| 11094 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1898 |
Michael |
I hate you! |
| 11095 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1898 |
Michael |
Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'. |
| 11096 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1899 |
Dwight |
Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people? |
| 11097 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1899 |
Jim |
You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers. |
| 11098 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1899 |
Dwight |
No way. |
| 11099 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1899 |
Jim |
Did you ever see that movie? |
| 11100 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1899 |
Dwight |
Of course I saw it. |
| 11101 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1900 |
Dwight |
I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it. |
| 11102 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1901 |
Jim |
You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out. |
| 11103 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1901 |
Dwight |
Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift. |
| 11104 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1902 |
Kevin |
Hi. I'm Kevin. Where did you find her? |
| 11105 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1902 |
Toby |
At the gym. |
| 11106 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1902 |
Kevin |
Riiight. The gym. |
| 11107 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1903 |
Kelly |
Could you scoot over? You're on my dress. |
| 11108 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1903 |
Meredith |
I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding. |
| 11109 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1903 |
Kelly |
I know but there was an emergency. |
| 11110 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1904 |
Michael |
This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it. |
| 11111 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1905 |
Pam |
That's my dress. |
| 11112 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1905 |
Michael |
That's ok. |
| 11113 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1905 |
Dwight |
It's a miracle. |
| 11114 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1905 |
Michael |
This is bull****! |
| 11115 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1906 |
Michael |
Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight. |
| 11116 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1907 |
Michael |
I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over. |
| 11117 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Priest |
And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband? |
| 11118 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Phyllis |
I do. |
| 11119 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Michael |
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance! |
| 11120 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Priest |
And do you, Bob... |
| 11121 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Michael |
Oh, shiii... |
| 11122 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Priest |
... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife |
| 11123 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Bob Vance |
I do. |
| 11124 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Priest |
You may now kiss the bride. |
| 11125 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1908 |
Michael |
Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! |
| 11126 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1909 |
Angela |
Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning. |
| 11127 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1909 |
Phyllis |
Thanks Angela. |
| 11128 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1910 |
Michael |
Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you. |
| 11129 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1910 |
Bob Vance |
If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you. |
| 11130 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1910 |
Michael |
Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too. |
| 11131 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1911 |
Dwight |
Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers. |
| 11132 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1911 |
Phyllis |
I don't have that, Dwight. |
| 11133 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1911 |
Dwight |
Dammit, Phyllis! |
| 11134 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Kelly |
Are you all right? This must be so awful for you. |
| 11135 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Pam |
What do you mean? |
| 11136 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Kelly |
Well... this was supposed to be your wedding. |
| 11137 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Pam |
Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fine |
| 11138 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Kelly |
There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant. |
| 11139 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1912 |
Pam |
Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks |
| 11140 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Dwight |
'Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple? |
| 11141 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Uncle Al |
Who? |
| 11142 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Dwight |
The bride and groom? What are their names? |
| 11143 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Uncle Al |
Oh, I... I don't... I'm not sure. |
| 11144 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Dwight |
Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on. |
| 11145 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Uncle Al |
Okay, Okay. Where are we going? |
| 11146 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Dwight |
Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend. |
| 11147 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1913 |
Uncle Al |
Oh! |
| 11148 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1914 |
Michael |
Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter? |
| 11149 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1914 |
Phyllis |
It's beautiful. Why don't you find your seat. Enjoy the buffet. |
| 11150 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1914 |
Michael |
I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back. |
| 11151 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1914 |
Phyllis |
It's fish. |
| 11152 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1914 |
Michael |
I will take care of that. |
| 11153 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1915 |
Michael |
I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white. |
| 11154 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1916 |
Kevin |
No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding. |
| 11155 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1917 |
Kevin |
Attention, everyone. Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It is a very serious situation. Roxanne. You don't have to put on your red light. |
| 11156 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
Hey. |
| 11157 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 11158 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
I know I normally don't notice these kind of things but uh... This wedding's really nice! I mean, the flowers and stuff? Phyllis has got some great taste. |
| 11159 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Pam |
You're kidding me, right? |
| 11160 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
I know you're probably not going to remember this, right? But um... Those color roses? I got you those color roses for our prom. |
| 11161 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Pam |
Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding. |
| 11162 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
I uh guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning. |
| 11163 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 11164 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
Sorry about that. |
| 11165 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Pam |
It's okay. |
| 11166 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1918 |
Roy |
You think this sucks for you? I was the one who actually wanted to get married. |
| 11167 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1919 |
Randy |
Phyllis, you're a wonderful woman. And you're a hell of a bowler! |
| 11168 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1919 |
Unknown |
She is. |
| 11169 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1919 |
Randy |
Cheers. |
| 11170 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1919 |
Crowd |
Cheers. |
| 11171 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1919 |
Michael |
Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride "Mawige... |
| 11172 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1920 |
Michael |
The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones. |
| 11173 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance... |
| 11174 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Bob Vance |
Oh okay. That's enough. |
| 11175 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
is a guy that... |
| 11176 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Bob Vance |
Thanks, Michael. Give me... |
| 11177 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay. |
| 11178 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Bob Vance |
Give me the microphone. |
| 11179 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
No. I'm not going to... |
| 11180 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Bob Vance |
Give me... Give me the microphone, Michael. |
| 11181 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
Ok. All right. |
| 11182 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Bob Vance |
You're out of here! |
| 11183 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1921 |
Michael |
Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you! |
| 11184 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 11185 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 11186 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Jim |
When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves? |
| 11187 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Pam |
Oh... I'm pacing myself. |
| 11188 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Jim |
Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want. |
| 11189 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Pam |
No. I'm such a dorky dancer. |
| 11190 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1922 |
Jim |
I know. It's very cute. |
| 11191 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1923 |
Jim |
Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical. |
| 11192 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Michael |
Come... Come on! |
| 11193 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Dwight |
I can't let you in, Michael. |
| 11194 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Michael |
Dwight, just... |
| 11195 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Dwight |
No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders. |
| 11196 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Michael |
Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song. |
| 11197 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Dwight |
You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure. |
| 11198 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1924 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 11199 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1925 |
Roy |
Hey, they're playing our song. |
| 11200 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1925 |
Pam |
Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police. |
| 11201 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1925 |
Roy |
I know. Uh... I gave them twenty bucks. You want to dance? |
| 11202 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1926 |
Michael |
ee... I was meant for you... buppity du bom bu. |
| 11203 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1927 |
Roy |
Hey, want to get out of here? |
| 11204 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1928 |
Jim |
Here's a 'not hypothetical'. I'm really happy I'm with Karen. |
| 11205 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1929 |
Karen |
Every little thing she does is magic. Every little thing she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic. Now I know my love for her goes on. Every... |
| 11206 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1930 |
Women |
One... Two... Three. Ahhhh! |
| 11207 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1931 |
Toby |
Toby! Yeah! |
| 11208 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Michael |
I just want Phyllis to have a great day. |
| 11209 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Uncle Al |
Phyllis and you will be great together. |
| 11210 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Michael |
We are great together. We are a great team. |
| 11211 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Uncle Al |
The Celtics were a great team. |
| 11212 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon. |
| 11213 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Uncle Al |
Nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know! |
| 11214 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1932 |
Michael |
Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head. |
| 11215 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1933 |
Michael |
Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember. |
| 11216 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1933 |
Phyllis |
You found Uncle Al! |
| 11217 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1933 |
Michael |
Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo. |
| 11218 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1933 |
Phyllis |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 11219 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1933 |
Michael |
You're... You're welcome. |
| 11220 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1934 |
Michael |
They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad. |
| 11221 |
3 |
16 |
Phyllis' Wedding |
1935 |
Michael |
Be careful. Oh no!! Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me! |
| 11222 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you? |
| 11223 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Kevin |
My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. |
| 11224 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
Huh? |
| 11225 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Kevin |
I almost died. I... I went into this skid--- |
| 11226 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
Pop quiz. |
| 11227 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Kevin |
...What? |
| 11228 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
Why is today a special day? |
| 11229 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Kevin |
I almost died. |
| 11230 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you... |
| 11231 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Ryan |
You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class. |
| 11232 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Michael |
In business school, Kevin. Business school. |
| 11233 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1936 |
Kevin |
Wow. |
| 11234 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1937 |
Michael |
A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us. |
| 11235 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1938 |
Michael |
Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you? |
| 11236 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1938 |
Dwight |
"Don't be an idiot." Changed my life. |
| 11237 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1939 |
Dwight |
Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. |
| 11238 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Michael |
Will they throw their hats, you think? |
| 11239 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 11240 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Michael |
A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air. |
| 11241 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Ryan |
Y-You understand nobody's graduating. |
| 11242 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line. |
| 11243 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Ryan |
...It doesn't apply. |
| 11244 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Michael |
I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! Whoa, hey! |
| 11245 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Ryan |
Quit it! |
| 11246 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1940 |
Michael |
We have fun. |
| 11247 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1941 |
Roy |
I can't for your art show tonight. |
| 11248 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1941 |
Pam |
Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio. |
| 11249 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1941 |
Roy |
I-I wouldn't miss it for the world. |
| 11250 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1941 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 11251 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1942 |
Pam |
I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy. |
| 11252 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1943 |
Roy |
Love ya. |
| 11253 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1943 |
Pam |
You too. |
| 11254 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1944 |
Jim |
Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on. |
| 11255 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Kelly |
I can't believe you're back together with Roy! |
| 11256 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know. |
| 11257 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Kelly |
Oh my God. You're so in love now. |
| 11258 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Pam |
Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way. |
| 11259 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Kelly |
Oh, art show! |
| 11260 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Pam |
I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there. |
| 11261 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1945 |
Kelly |
...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure. |
| 11262 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1946 |
Michael |
Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? Whoo! |
| 11263 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1946 |
College Student |
....Dude. |
| 11264 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Dwight |
...Oh my God. Animal stool. |
| 11265 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Pam |
Dwight, what are you doing? |
| 11266 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Dwight |
Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT! |
| 11267 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Karen |
Oh my God! |
| 11268 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Dwight |
BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes! |
| 11269 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Stanley |
Goooood bye. |
| 11270 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1947 |
Angela |
... Please don't let that stupid thing near me... |
| 11271 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1948 |
Michael |
Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now. |
| 11272 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1948 |
Ryan |
...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off... |
| 11273 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1948 |
Michael |
I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it. |
| 11274 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1949 |
Dwight |
We have... a bat... in the office. |
| 11275 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1950 |
Toby |
The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open. |
| 11276 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1951 |
Angela |
Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! |
| 11277 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1952 |
Jim |
Okay. Thanks. Animal control will be here at six. |
| 11278 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1952 |
Dwight |
At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership. |
| 11279 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1952 |
Jim |
I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd... |
| 11280 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1952 |
Dwight |
What? What's so wierd? |
| 11281 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1952 |
Jim |
The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well. |
| 11282 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1953 |
Ryan |
And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott. |
| 11283 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1953 |
Michael |
Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel. |
| 11284 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Dwight |
This is your job, Halpert. |
| 11285 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Jim |
Ow! |
| 11286 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Karen |
Oh, what happened? |
| 11287 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Jim |
That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot. |
| 11288 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Karen |
But Jim, this garlic bread is cold. |
| 11289 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Jim |
What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre. |
| 11290 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1954 |
Dwight |
No... no. One crisis at a time. |
| 11291 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1955 |
Dwight |
If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ. |
| 11292 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1956 |
Michael |
So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... a Whatchamacallit . Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay . And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand . Satisfied? |
| 11293 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1957 |
Toby |
Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. |
| 11294 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1957 |
Pam |
Oh! No, you should go. |
| 11295 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1957 |
Toby |
Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art. |
| 11296 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Michael |
Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. |
| 11297 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Ryan |
Michael. |
| 11298 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Michael |
...And products! |
| 11299 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Ryan |
What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing. |
| 11300 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Michael |
Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up. |
| 11301 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Business Student #1 |
Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world? |
| 11302 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1958 |
Michael |
We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. |
| 11303 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1959 |
Karen |
Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted. |
| 11304 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1959 |
Jim |
Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare. |
| 11305 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1959 |
Karen |
What glare? |
| 11306 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1959 |
Jim |
The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding. |
| 11307 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1960 |
Dwight |
I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. |
| 11308 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Dwight |
Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-- |
| 11309 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Creed |
Sure. |
| 11310 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Dwight |
#NAME? |
| 11311 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Creed |
Okay. |
| 11312 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Dwight |
Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? |
| 11313 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1961 |
Creed |
What size? |
| 11314 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Business Student #2 |
What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? |
| 11315 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Michael |
...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back. |
| 11316 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Business Student #2 |
Has anyone ever come back? |
| 11317 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Michael |
...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid. |
| 11318 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Business Student #3 |
How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger? |
| 11319 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Michael |
Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index? |
| 11320 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Business Student #3 |
...What? |
| 11321 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Michael |
Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here? |
| 11322 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Business Student #1 |
By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years. |
| 11323 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1962 |
Michael |
...Wait, Ryan said that? |
| 11324 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Kelly |
What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat. |
| 11325 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Creed |
Animals can't feel pain. |
| 11326 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Kelly |
Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family! |
| 11327 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Dwight |
Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW! |
| 11328 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Kelly |
AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT! |
| 11329 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1963 |
Kevin |
I... am a hero! |
| 11330 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Michael |
Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay. |
| 11331 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Business Student #2 |
But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain? |
| 11332 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Michael |
David will always beat Goliath. |
| 11333 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Business Student #1 |
But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax... |
| 11334 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, s*x predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school? |
| 11335 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Business Student #1 |
But in the big picture... |
| 11336 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1964 |
Michael |
Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. SO SUCK ON THAT! |
| 11337 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1965 |
Ryan |
...It wasn't personal. |
| 11338 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1965 |
Michael |
Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things. |
| 11339 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1965 |
Ryan |
Pack my--? |
| 11340 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1965 |
Michael |
You heard me, pack your things. |
| 11341 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1966 |
Meredith |
I really want to come out! |
| 11342 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1966 |
Creed |
Good night, Mary Beth! |
| 11343 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1967 |
Jim |
So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control? |
| 11344 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1967 |
Dwight |
Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six. |
| 11345 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1967 |
Jim |
Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight. |
| 11346 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1967 |
Dwight |
Goodbye Jim. And good luck. |
| 11347 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1968 |
Dwight |
Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen. |
| 11348 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
...And it's all from the same series. |
| 11349 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Woman |
Oh. |
| 11350 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
Called 'Impressions.' |
| 11351 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Woman |
Oh. |
| 11352 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se. |
| 11353 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Woman |
Maybe one day. |
| 11354 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
I hope so. |
| 11355 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Woman |
Mmm. |
| 11356 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. Hey, babe, how are you? |
| 11357 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Roy |
Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh? |
| 11358 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Pam |
Hey, Kenny. |
| 11359 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Kenny |
Hey Pam. |
| 11360 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1969 |
Roy |
How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh? |
| 11361 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1970 |
Dwight |
Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh! |
| 11362 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1970 |
Meredith |
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! |
| 11363 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1970 |
Dwight |
Hold still, woman! |
| 11364 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1970 |
Meredith |
Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh! |
| 11365 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1970 |
Dwight |
... ... You're welcome. |
| 11366 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Roy |
It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them. |
| 11367 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home. |
| 11368 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Roy |
To my place? |
| 11369 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Pam |
Maybe, I'm a little tired. |
| 11370 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Roy |
Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art. |
| 11371 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1971 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 11372 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1972 |
Ryan |
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me. |
| 11373 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1972 |
Michael |
Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex. |
| 11374 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1972 |
Ryan |
To the annex? Where... Kelly is? |
| 11375 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1972 |
Michael |
A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. |
| 11376 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Oscar |
You're the one who said we needed more culture. |
| 11377 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Gil |
This is culture to you? |
| 11378 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Oscar |
It's her first try. |
| 11379 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Gil |
Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. |
| 11380 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Oscar |
Meaning what? |
| 11381 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Gil |
Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. |
| 11382 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Oscar |
Well, those aren't Pam's strong points. |
| 11383 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1973 |
Gil |
Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art. |
| 11384 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Artist |
Thanks for coming. |
| 11385 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town. |
| 11386 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. |
| 11387 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
Wow! You did these... freehand? |
| 11388 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 11389 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. ... How much? |
| 11390 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
What do you mean? |
| 11391 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
I don't see a... price. |
| 11392 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
Um... you wanna buy it? |
| 11393 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car? |
| 11394 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
Uh-huh. |
| 11395 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you. |
| 11396 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
... Thank you. |
| 11397 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
What? |
| 11398 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
Do you have something in your pocket? |
| 11399 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
...Chunky. Do you want half? |
| 11400 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Pam |
No thank you. |
| 11401 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1974 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 11402 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1975 |
Michael |
It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera. |
| 11403 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1976 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... |
| 11404 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1976 |
Ryan |
It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited. |
| 11405 |
3 |
17 |
Business School |
1976 |
Kelly |
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't... |
| 11406 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1977 |
Michael |
Can you confirm that the straps are tight? |
| 11407 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1977 |
Dwight |
Yes. But this seems to be... |
| 11408 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1977 |
Michael |
And now, the chains. |
| 11409 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1978 |
Michael |
A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self fulfilling prophecy. It's um, it's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school. |
| 11410 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic... And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage. Can he do it? I don't see how he can. |
| 11411 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Dwight |
I know how. Dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath. |
| 11412 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
No. No. Everyone, now count down with me. THREE! |
| 11413 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Jim |
Sorry, quick thing. Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you? |
| 11414 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
I will get out. Oh yes, I will. |
| 11415 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Pam |
So we shouldn't help you, no matter how much you might beg and plead? |
| 11416 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
No. Alright, this is getting hot. So let's just do this. Ok, ready? Three, two, one, go. |
| 11417 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
AHHHH! |
| 11418 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Kevin |
Is everything ok, Michael? |
| 11419 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1979 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 11420 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1980 |
Michael |
I cannot tell you how I plan to escape. Other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key... |
| 11421 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 11422 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Michael |
Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm. |
| 11423 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Jim |
Another worm? Like, are they friends? |
| 11424 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Dwight |
It's early bird gets the worm. |
| 11425 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Michael |
Pam, would you smell my breath? |
| 11426 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Pam |
No, no. |
| 11427 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1981 |
Dwight |
Let me smell. Good, not great. |
| 11428 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1982 |
Michael |
"Michael, you go to parties all the time, why is tonight so special?" Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple. For the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party. Really. And that is why tonight is so special. |
| 11429 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Michael |
Jimbo, last chance to carpool. |
| 11430 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Jim |
Oh no thanks, I think Karen and I will take my car. |
| 11431 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Michael |
Sure? Might be a good idea. |
| 11432 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 11433 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Michael |
Go in together, could save some gas, have some fun, long trip. |
| 11434 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 11435 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Michael |
Play some games? |
| 11436 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Jim |
Oh. Um. I think we're good. |
| 11437 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Michael |
I spy? |
| 11438 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1983 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 11439 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1984 |
Jim |
Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless? |
| 11440 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Dwight |
Thanks for inviting me along. |
| 11441 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought. Wait, should you be going? Heh-woh you. |
| 11442 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Michael? |
| 11443 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Hey, Buttercup. |
| 11444 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Hi. |
| 11445 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
I am on my way. I should be there in about 15... |
| 11446 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Let's just blow this party off. |
| 11447 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 11448 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Am I on speaker phone? |
| 11449 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Uh, yes you are. |
| 11450 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Is anybody else in the... |
| 11451 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Dwight |
Hello, Jan. |
| 11452 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Hi, Dwight. Ok, Michael, take me off speaker phone. |
| 11453 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
No problem. |
| 11454 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Ok. Let's just go to a motel... |
| 11455 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 11456 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
...and just like rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica. |
| 11457 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Ok. Jan. Jan? This party is actually a really big step for us. So, I... |
| 11458 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Still on speaker? |
| 11459 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Ummm... I don't know. |
| 11460 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
Are camera's there? |
| 11461 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Maybe. |
| 11462 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Jan |
See you soon. |
| 11463 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 11464 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Dwight |
Talk to you later, Jan. |
| 11465 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1985 |
Michael |
Alright. Bye. |
| 11466 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1986 |
Pam |
Hey, Michael left early, so a bunch of us are going to go to Poor Richard's for happy hour. You should come. |
| 11467 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1986 |
Roy |
I can't. My brother, he just unloaded the jet ski's and kinda took a bath, so... we're going to go get hammered. |
| 11468 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1986 |
Pam |
Ok, well, we're going to a bar. Hey. You have to come to stuff with me. I'm serious! If you're going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things. |
| 11469 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1986 |
Roy |
Ok. |
| 11470 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1987 |
Pam |
I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm going to tell people what I want. Directly. So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy. |
| 11471 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
Beauty. Thank you sir! |
| 11472 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Dwight |
Salad. |
| 11473 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 11474 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Dwight |
You dressed exactly like the servants. |
| 11475 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
Shut up. Ok, change shirts with me. |
| 11476 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Dwight |
Wait. I don't think yours will fit me. |
| 11477 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
I don't care. Oh, wow. Here. Don't put my jacket. Don't give me that. |
| 11478 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Dwight |
That would have been really embarrassing. |
| 11479 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 11480 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Dwight |
Crisis averted. |
| 11481 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1988 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 11482 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1989 |
Pam |
Oh, that duck is so cute. |
| 11483 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1989 |
Kevin |
Hey Pam. |
| 11484 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1989 |
Pam |
Hey guys. |
| 11485 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1989 |
Kevin |
Oscar. Angela. |
| 11486 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1990 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 11487 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1991 |
Michael |
Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend. |
| 11488 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1992 |
Michael |
Oh, um, potato salad. |
| 11489 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1992 |
Dwight |
It's from both of us. |
| 11490 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1992 |
Michael |
No, it's not. |
| 11491 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1992 |
Rachel |
Wonderful, let's, ah, see where we can put this. Ok. |
| 11492 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1992 |
Michael |
Oh, you probably want to leave the cover on until the guests get here. |
| 11493 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1993 |
Michael |
It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know. |
| 11494 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Pam |
Kevin, you and Stacy set a date yet? |
| 11495 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 11496 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, when is it? |
| 11497 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Kevin |
It's complicated. I would appreciate some space on this. |
| 11498 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Roy |
Hey. |
| 11499 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Pam |
Hey. You made it. |
| 11500 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Roy |
You said it was important, so... How's it going? |
| 11501 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Kenny |
What's up, Pam. |
| 11502 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Pam |
Hey Kenny, sorry about the jet skis. |
| 11503 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Roy |
You guys, uh, want a round, on me? |
| 11504 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Everyone |
Yeah. |
| 11505 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Roy |
Yeah? Get you a drink. |
| 11506 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Kenny |
Thanks man. |
| 11507 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1994 |
Angela |
No thank you, Roy. |
| 11508 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1995 |
Dwight |
Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces. |
| 11509 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Michael |
What are you looking for? You bring dip? |
| 11510 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Jan |
I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy, and a third copy goes to HR. |
| 11511 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Michael |
Awesome. I'm going to frame mine. I could frame yours too. |
| 11512 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Jan |
You realize this is a legal document that says you can't sue the company. |
| 11513 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Michael |
Over our love. |
| 11514 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Jan |
I've never told you that I love you. |
| 11515 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1996 |
Michael |
You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all. |
| 11516 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1997 |
Jan |
I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. |
| 11517 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1998 |
Jan |
What's this over the "i"? |
| 11518 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1998 |
Michael |
It's a heart. |
| 11519 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
1999 |
Jan |
Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying? |
| 11520 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2000 |
Michael |
I love this woman! |
| 11521 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2000 |
Jan |
Oh, no. Michael, please. Michael, please. |
| 11522 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2001 |
Dwight |
Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? |
| 11523 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2001 |
Dan Gore |
No. |
| 11524 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2001 |
Dwight |
No? Then you are an idiot. |
| 11525 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Rachel |
Hello Michael. |
| 11526 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Michael |
Rachel. Boy, you clean up good. Place looks great with all the lights on. And everything. Actually looks bigger with people in it. It's weird. So... |
| 11527 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
David |
Jan, glad you could make it. |
| 11528 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Jan |
Of course, of course, David. Do you remember Michael Scott? |
| 11529 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
David |
Of course I do. |
| 11530 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Jan |
From the Scranton Branch. |
| 11531 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Michael |
Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. |
| 11532 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Jan |
David, can I, um, speak to you privately for just a moment, please. |
| 11533 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Rachel |
Excuse me. |
| 11534 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2002 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 11535 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2003 |
Pam |
Oh. No. Actually, one of these is supposed to be a lite. |
| 11536 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2003 |
Bartender |
Oh, sorry. |
| 11537 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Man |
So did the merger go smoothly, or? |
| 11538 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
It did. Like butter. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of them. |
| 11539 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Karen |
I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management. |
| 11540 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
Yeah, but you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great? |
| 11541 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Jan |
We're good. Michael, stop. Please stop that, ok? |
| 11542 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Rachel |
Can I get anyone anything, or? |
| 11543 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
I could go for an appeteaser. |
| 11544 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Jan |
Martini please. |
| 11545 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
Bagel bites or something. |
| 11546 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Karen |
Rachel, your house is beautiful. |
| 11547 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Rachel |
Thank you. |
| 11548 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
What's the square footage? |
| 11549 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
David |
About 5,000. |
| 11550 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
Does that include the garage? |
| 11551 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate. |
| 11552 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
I'm just... |
| 11553 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
David |
I don't know |
| 11554 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
It's a common question. |
| 11555 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Michael |
David, how much did this house cost? |
| 11556 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around. |
| 11557 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Rachel |
I'll show you around. |
| 11558 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2004 |
Dwight |
Cool, let's start with the banisters. |
| 11559 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Karen |
Hey, do you see that guy behind you in the blue blazer against the wall? |
| 11560 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 11561 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Karen |
That's Drake. And just so you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we use to date. |
| 11562 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Jim |
Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me. |
| 11563 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Karen |
And it didn't end well. |
| 11564 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2005 |
Jim |
Gotcha. Alright. |
| 11565 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
David |
This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt scotch. |
| 11566 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
Michael |
Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the De Lorean. |
| 11567 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
Jan |
You ok? |
| 11568 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
Michael |
Yeah. Do you have any ice? |
| 11569 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
David |
Sure. |
| 11570 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2006 |
Michael |
How about some Splenda? |
| 11571 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Roy |
One, two, three, up Jenkins! Down Jenkins. Oh, I think I heard the quarter over here. |
| 11572 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Kenny |
Where? |
| 11573 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Roy |
On this side. |
| 11574 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Kevin |
No, it is definitely under one of these hands. |
| 11575 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Ryan |
I think I heard it on Roy's side. |
| 11576 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Kevin |
No, it is here. |
| 11577 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Ryan |
Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here. |
| 11578 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Kevin |
Good thing you didn't listen to me. |
| 11579 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Ryan |
Yeah, close one. |
| 11580 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Roy |
Not here. Not here. It's either here or here. Not here. . |
| 11581 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Kenny |
YES! |
| 11582 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Pam |
Nice job. |
| 11583 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Roy |
I can read you like a book. |
| 11584 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Pam |
Oh yeah? |
| 11585 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2007 |
Roy |
You can't keep anything from me. |
| 11586 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2008 |
Student 1 |
Hey Creed. |
| 11587 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2008 |
Creed |
Hey! What are you guys doing here? |
| 11588 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2008 |
Student 2 |
You're the man buddy. |
| 11589 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2009 |
Creed |
I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station. |
| 11590 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Dwight |
Huh. Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here? . |
| 11591 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Rachel |
Uh, that's a guest room. |
| 11592 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Dwight |
Just the one window? |
| 11593 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Rachel |
Oh. I must get that. You'll have to excuse me. |
| 11594 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Dwight |
Are those real pearls? |
| 11595 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Rachel |
Uh, yes. |
| 11596 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2010 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 11597 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2011 |
Jim |
Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care. |
| 11598 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2011 |
Karen |
Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kinda saw him for a little bit while they were separated. |
| 11599 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2011 |
Jim |
Oh. Hadn't noticed. |
| 11600 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2011 |
Karen |
Really? I thought it was so obvious. I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable. |
| 11601 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2011 |
Jim |
No, it was before I knew you so, its fine. |
| 11602 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
This one really smells like vanilla. Check that out. |
| 11603 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
It's nice. |
| 11604 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
You and the misses should join us at Sandals Jamaica next Christmas. |
| 11605 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
I, Michael, I think David probably wants to spend Christmas here with his family. |
| 11606 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
Oh yeah, they don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non gratis... there. But it's fun. It's an awesome place. You would not believe how low this girl can limbo. |
| 11607 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 11608 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
Crazy. |
| 11609 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
I'm sorry. You're just going to have to excuse us for just a couple minutes. |
| 11610 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
Ok. Excuse me. What's going on? What is it? |
| 11611 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
Sorry. Michael, come here. Just, just, just, just. |
| 11612 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 11613 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
Don't you know what I'm doing? |
| 11614 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Michael |
Yes, but you could tell me. What... What is that? Why are you? Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy. |
| 11615 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2012 |
Jan |
Shut up. |
| 11616 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
What has gotten into you? |
| 11617 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Come on. |
| 11618 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
No, no, no. |
| 11619 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
What? |
| 11620 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
Come on, let's go back to the party. |
| 11621 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Just let me loosen my dress. |
| 11622 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
Don't take that dress. Stop it, Jan. |
| 11623 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 11624 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
No, no, no, means please don't. Please. |
| 11625 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Slam me up against the wall, right here. |
| 11626 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
I'm not going to slam you up against the wall. |
| 11627 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Oh, please. |
| 11628 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Michael |
You're acting inappropriate. Jan. |
| 11629 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2013 |
Jan |
Oh, I'm acting inappropriate? Get out. |
| 11630 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2014 |
Toby |
Here. |
| 11631 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2014 |
Pam |
Hey, where have you been all night? I was looking forward to hanging out with you. |
| 11632 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2014 |
Toby |
I was... |
| 11633 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2014 |
Pam |
Hey, don't you have a daughter? |
| 11634 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2014 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 11635 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2015 |
Dwight |
Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair? |
| 11636 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2015 |
Child |
I don't know, it was here when I was born. |
| 11637 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2015 |
Dwight |
I want one. It's got good solid construction. Comfortable. What is this? Oak? |
| 11638 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2015 |
Child |
I don't know. |
| 11639 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2015 |
Dwight |
What do you know? |
| 11640 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2016 |
David |
God, I hate these parties. Do you want to sneak out back and shoot some hoops? Meet me outside in two minutes. |
| 11641 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jim |
You stay here and have fun, because I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace. |
| 11642 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Karen |
Ok. Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating cause I think he might still have feelings for me. |
| 11643 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jim |
Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? Wow. Ok. You got me. |
| 11644 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Karen |
I so got you. |
| 11645 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jim |
So, none of them? |
| 11646 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Karen |
Of course not. I mean, you're kind of like, my first. |
| 11647 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 11648 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Karen |
Oh my God, it's so easy. Fun. |
| 11649 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 11650 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Karen |
Hey Jan. |
| 11651 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2017 |
Jan |
Not too good. |
| 11652 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2018 |
Rachel |
Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad? |
| 11653 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2019 |
Michael |
Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There is something wrong with Jan. |
| 11654 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2020 |
David |
What's ah, what's with Jan and Michael? |
| 11655 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2020 |
Jim |
I don't know. Where to begin? My ball. |
| 11656 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2021 |
Dwight |
The chimney is in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party. |
| 11657 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
What? |
| 11658 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
I want us to make it. I want a fresh start. |
| 11659 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
That's awesome. That's what I want. |
| 11660 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
Oh ok, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us. |
| 11661 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
I didn't do anything. Ask anyone, I totally could have and I didn't at all. |
| 11662 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
Just listen. Remember that casino night about a month before we were supposed to get married? I kissed Jim. |
| 11663 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
What? |
| 11664 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed. |
| 11665 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
Jim came on to you? |
| 11666 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
Just listen. |
| 11667 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
No, I am listening! That's the problem I am listening! |
| 11668 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
Don't yell! |
| 11669 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
Don't yell?! |
| 11670 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Pam |
This is over. |
| 11671 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Roy |
Yeah, you're right. This is so over. You kidding me, Pam!? Come on! God! |
| 11672 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2022 |
Kenny |
Damn jet skis! |
| 11673 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle... |
| 11674 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
I feel sick. |
| 11675 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
You didn't have any of the potato salad did you? |
| 11676 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
No, we were good when we were just running around, you know, in secret. It was wrong and it was exciting. Maybe it was a mistake to take it public. |
| 11677 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly. |
| 11678 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
Please don't cry. |
| 11679 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
I'm not going to cry. I feel like it but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million little pieces. |
| 11680 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
It was never a love contract, Michael and besides, I have already given a copy to David and it would be just as embarrassing to get it back as I was handing it to him. |
| 11681 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling. |
| 11682 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
I didn't mean it. I was... |
| 11683 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
Whatever. |
| 11684 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
Tired. I'm tired. And I didn't eat enough. And, and, that's all. That was it. |
| 11685 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
That's all, you didn't mean it? |
| 11686 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
That's all. I didn't mean it. That's all. I'm just saying I didn't mean it. |
| 11687 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Michael |
I love you, Jan. |
| 11688 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Jan |
Ok. |
| 11689 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2023 |
Dwight |
Don't break up you guys, you're great together. |
| 11690 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2024 |
Roy |
Are they going to call the cops? |
| 11691 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2024 |
Kenny |
No, I paid them off. |
| 11692 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2024 |
Roy |
Jet ski money? |
| 11693 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2024 |
Kenny |
All of it. |
| 11694 |
3 |
18 |
Cocktails |
2024 |
Roy |
I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert. |
| 11695 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
So do you want to see it or not? |
| 11696 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds... |
| 11697 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic. |
| 11698 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Agoraphobic? |
| 11699 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
Yeah. |
| 11700 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 11701 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend. |
| 11702 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Absolutely correct. |
| 11703 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Kevin |
Later, Jim. |
| 11704 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Kev, have a good weekend. |
| 11705 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
Bye. Ok, so this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up. |
| 11706 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Here we go... |
| 11707 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
...and we're gonna go to dinner. |
| 11708 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Ok... |
| 11709 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Karen |
And then we're gonna go to the movies. |
| 11710 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Sounds good. |
| 11711 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Roy |
Hey Halpert! |
| 11712 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Jim |
Hey... |
| 11713 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Pam |
ROY! |
| 11714 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Pam |
Roy don't! |
| 11715 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Roy |
Ahh God! |
| 11716 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2025 |
Dwight |
Pam, please call security! |
| 11717 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2026 |
Dwight |
Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now? |
| 11718 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
No need for consternation, everything is under control. |
| 11719 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office! |
| 11720 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled. |
| 11721 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
Is Toby there? |
| 11722 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
No... |
| 11723 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Toby |
I'm... here, Jan. |
| 11724 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
Ok, what... what is the situation Toby? |
| 11725 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Toby |
Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company. |
| 11726 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
Thank God. |
| 11727 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Toby |
Yeah, um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with his... |
| 11728 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage. |
| 11729 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
All right, well are you gonna take care of this? |
| 11730 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
Yeppers. |
| 11731 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
What did I tell you about "yeppers?" |
| 11732 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
I don't... remember. |
| 11733 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Jan |
I told you not to say it. Do you remember that? |
| 11734 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2027 |
Michael |
Yeesh... |
| 11735 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2028 |
Jim |
I guess... all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars. |
| 11736 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Jim |
Hey man, I never got a chance to thank you... for stopping Roy. Thank you. |
| 11737 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Dwight |
Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded. |
| 11738 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Jim |
Okay. Um... Got you something. |
| 11739 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Dwight |
Don't want it. |
| 11740 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Jim |
You don't know what it is. |
| 11741 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2029 |
Dwight |
Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens. |
| 11742 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2030 |
Jim |
It was a little glass display case for his for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even Steven. |
| 11743 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2031 |
Dwight |
No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. |
| 11744 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Oscar |
Angela, Roy's check. He's coming in later to pick it up. |
| 11745 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Kevin |
Man, I cannot believe I missed the fight. |
| 11746 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Oscar |
It was crazy. |
| 11747 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Angela |
You saw it? Describe it please. |
| 11748 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Oscar |
Well, I heard some shouting. And I look over and Roy's by reception and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, BAM. Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there like an action hero. |
| 11749 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Angela |
Oh... |
| 11750 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Oscar |
It was insane! |
| 11751 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2032 |
Angela |
Well... good for Dwight. |
| 11752 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2033 |
Michael |
Ok I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you. |
| 11753 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2033 |
Jim |
Where'd you get that? |
| 11754 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2033 |
Michael |
Wikipedia. |
| 11755 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2034 |
Michael |
Wikipedia... is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information. |
| 11756 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Ok, Darryl, ask me for a raise. |
| 11757 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Hey, Mike. Since Roy left I've been doing a lot more work, and I need a raise. |
| 11758 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Hmm, well that's interesting Darryl. I think... that maybe you should... |
| 11759 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
I can't hear you. |
| 11760 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
What I'm saying is that, |
| 11761 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Still nothin'. |
| 11762 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Ok, see what I did? |
| 11763 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
No. |
| 11764 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position. |
| 11765 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 11766 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Ok, let's try another one. Um... |
| 11767 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 11768 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Walking out of the room unexpectedly. |
| 11769 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
And what happens in this one? |
| 11770 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
It's a surprise. |
| 11771 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 11772 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Go ahead, ask me for a raise. |
| 11773 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
Can I have a raise? |
| 11774 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
s*x, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher. |
| 11775 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
What? |
| 11776 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
What? |
| 11777 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
No, what did you say? |
| 11778 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Jim |
I didn't say anything. I was waiting to see what happened. |
| 11779 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2035 |
Michael |
Oh it... sounded interesting... what you were gonna... |
| 11780 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2036 |
Dwight |
I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place. |
| 11781 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2036 |
Toby |
Which is where? |
| 11782 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2036 |
Dwight |
Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end. |
| 11783 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2036 |
Toby |
Thanks Dwight. |
| 11784 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. |
| 11785 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
I can't imagine what I would have done. |
| 11786 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed. |
| 11787 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
Well that was funny, that's why. |
| 11788 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
Oh it was? |
| 11789 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
Mm-hmm. |
| 11790 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night... |
| 11791 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
Okay. |
| 11792 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
...and you call me, to calm you down... |
| 11793 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
You know what? I didn't--- |
| 11794 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Toby |
Can you stop... |
| 11795 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not. |
| 11796 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Toby |
There's a bunch of people back here, maybe... |
| 11797 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Ryan |
Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night... |
| 11798 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Toby |
Guys... |
| 11799 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2037 |
Kelly |
I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you! |
| 11800 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2038 |
Toby |
I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius. |
| 11801 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 11802 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Darryl |
You ready for me? |
| 11803 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Michael |
Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat. |
| 11804 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Darryl |
Cool. |
| 11805 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Michael |
You know what? Actually, let's go into the conference room. |
| 11806 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Darryl |
Okay. |
| 11807 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2039 |
Michael |
No, you know what? Let's stay here. No let's go... Yeah let's go to the conference room. |
| 11808 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2040 |
Michael |
Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off. |
| 11809 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2041 |
Michael |
Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control. |
| 11810 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
I am declining to speak first. |
| 11811 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
Okay, I'll start. It's pretty simple really. I uh, I think I deserve a raise. I'm scheduled to get one in six months, but I'd like that to be moved up to now. |
| 11812 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. You are a good worker, and a good man. I just, you know, times are tight. And I just don't think corporate is going to go for this right now. |
| 11813 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
Are you wearin' lady clothes? |
| 11814 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
What? |
| 11815 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants. |
| 11816 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
No, this is a power suit. |
| 11817 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
That there's a woman's suit. |
| 11818 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again. |
| 11819 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
I'ma call Roy, man. |
| 11820 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
Ohh... kay. |
| 11821 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
This is gonna make him feel better. |
| 11822 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 11823 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Darryl |
This is too good. |
| 11824 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit? |
| 11825 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Pam |
Oh my God, that's a woman's suit! |
| 11826 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Kevin |
You're wearing a woman's suit? |
| 11827 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2042 |
Michael |
No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin. |
| 11828 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2043 |
Michael |
There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual. |
| 11829 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Kevin |
Who makes it? |
| 11830 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery. |
| 11831 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Phyllis |
Look, it's got shoulderpads, and did you see that lining? |
| 11832 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 11833 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Phyllis |
Did you see... |
| 11834 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
Would you stop it, please? |
| 11835 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Jim |
So, none of that tipped you off? |
| 11836 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
It's European, OK? It's a European cut. |
| 11837 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Pam |
Michael, the pants don't have any pockets. |
| 11838 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
No, they don't. See? |
| 11839 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2044 |
Michael |
Italians don't wear pockets. |
| 11840 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2045 |
Pam |
It's been a really rough couple of days... This helps a little. |
| 11841 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2046 |
Karen |
Hey, maybe you want to come over and raid my closet? |
| 11842 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2046 |
Michael |
No, I don't want to do that because I'm twice your size anyway. |
| 11843 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2046 |
Darryl |
Yeah, he look like Hillary Clinton. |
| 11844 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2046 |
Michael |
Um, let's just do this in 15 minutes. |
| 11845 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2046 |
Darryl |
Okay, can you just stand right there? I gotta send some e-mails. |
| 11846 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2047 |
Michael |
Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes. |
| 11847 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Kevin |
Karen, how do you feel that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend's ass over another woman? |
| 11848 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Karen |
I feel great, Kevin. Thank you. |
| 11849 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Stanley |
You must have been scared out of your mind. |
| 11850 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Karen |
Well, you know it happened so fast I didn't really have time to be scared. |
| 11851 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Angela |
What happened, exactly? I wasn't here, so I haven't really heard the whole story. |
| 11852 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Karen |
Um, well, Jim and I were talking and Roy walked in looking super angry. |
| 11853 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Angela |
Mm-hmm. |
| 11854 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Karen |
And he's a big dude, you know? And all of a sudden, Jim pushed me out of the way, and Roy cocked his fist, and then bam, Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt. |
| 11855 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2048 |
Angela |
Goodness. |
| 11856 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2049 |
Karen |
When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more. |
| 11857 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Michael |
Let's get down to business. Why don't you tell me why you think you deserve a raise. |
| 11858 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Darryl |
Well, it's simple Mike. I mean we merged these two branches right? So now we're shipping twice as many orders as we used to. With Roy gone we got a smaller crew. And I'm pickin' up all of his slack, so I think I should be compensated fairly, by gettin' a raise. |
| 11859 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Darryl |
What? I can't hear you. |
| 11860 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Michael |
That was a very good point. |
| 11861 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Darryl |
I can't--- what, Mike? Are you--- |
| 11862 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2050 |
Michael |
You make a very compelling argument. |
| 11863 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Pam |
Sorry I almost got you killed. |
| 11864 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Jim |
Yeah, that was nuts. |
| 11865 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Pam |
He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right? |
| 11866 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Jim |
No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection. |
| 11867 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Pam |
Not anymore. It's, um... It's completely over now. |
| 11868 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Jim |
We'll see. I'm sure you guys will... find you way back to one another someday. |
| 11869 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Pam |
Jim... I am really... sorry. |
| 11870 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2051 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it. |
| 11871 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. |
| 11872 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Why can't I just... tell you? |
| 11873 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
Because, that is the way these things are done. In... films. No, slide--- slide it, yes. |
| 11874 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
There you go. |
| 11875 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
Oh. Come on. Be serious. |
| 11876 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
I am serious, Mike. That's a 10% raise. That's what I want. |
| 11877 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
I... I can't give you that, I--- I don't make this much. |
| 11878 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Come on, be for real Mike. |
| 11879 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
I don't. Want me to prove it to you? There is... a pay stub. |
| 11880 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Are you serious? You're earning this? |
| 11881 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
Plus perks, yes. |
| 11882 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Mike, this is barely more than I make. You been here ten years, dog. |
| 11883 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
Fourteen years. |
| 11884 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Ho-ho! |
| 11885 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
No, please, please... |
| 11886 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Darryl |
Oh, I'm sorry Mike, some of my folks got to hear about this one. Ah. |
| 11887 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2052 |
Michael |
Ok, let's take 15, again. |
| 11888 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2053 |
Michael |
A boss's salary isn't just about money, it is about perks. It... for example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that. |
| 11889 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2054 |
Jim |
Ok, if you don't want a gift, at least let me buy you a beer, or lunch or something. |
| 11890 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2054 |
Dwight |
When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the Rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer? |
| 11891 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2054 |
Jim |
Boy I--- |
| 11892 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2054 |
Dwight |
No. And why are you so interested in buying me something Jim, what's your angle? |
| 11893 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2055 |
Jim |
It's like when he annoys me and I want to screw with him to get him back, he never sees it coming. But now, I want to be nice to him, and actually give him something, and he's like an eel. I just can't grab onto him. It's infuriating. |
| 11894 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2055 |
Karen |
Maybe you just feel guilty about all the pranks. |
| 11895 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2055 |
Jim |
Well... yes, that's probably what it is. So what do I do? |
| 11896 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2055 |
Karen |
Hmm... I don't know. Maybe you should go back out there and sell paper so we can go on a trip. |
| 11897 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Kevin |
Michael, here's the, uh, $15 I owe you. |
| 11898 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. |
| 11899 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Kevin |
Yeah. I heard you might need it. So... |
| 11900 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Creed |
Here's the $40 you gave me. |
| 11901 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Michael |
I didn't give you $40. |
| 11902 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2056 |
Creed |
In a way you did. |
| 11903 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2057 |
Stanley |
Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid. |
| 11904 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Fourteen years. Fourteen. I know. Ok, alright. I gotta go. Later. |
| 11905 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay, here's the straight... dope. No tricks. No Wikipedia. |
| 11906 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 11907 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
I talked to corporate, and they told me that I can only give you a 5% raise. |
| 11908 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
That's 'cause of you, Mike. They're not gonna give the workin' man more than the boss. |
| 11909 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
Well what am I supposed to do? |
| 11910 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Get your own raise. You gotta get out there and earn, son. |
| 11911 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
I'm not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous. |
| 11912 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
That's true. |
| 11913 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Yeah that's true. You gotta call your girl, and get paid. Show her who wears the pants in the relationship. |
| 11914 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
You know what? I should. |
| 11915 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Yeah, you should. |
| 11916 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
I have been a loyal employee for a long time. |
| 11917 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Fourteen years long. |
| 11918 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
You know what? I deserve a bump. |
| 11919 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Darryl |
Make it happen, cap'in. |
| 11920 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2058 |
Michael |
I am makin' it happen, sergeant. |
| 11921 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2059 |
Creed |
I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screamin' about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car. Something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter--- |
| 11922 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2059 |
Angela |
You're useless. |
| 11923 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
Why don't we talk next month, after the quarter ends? |
| 11924 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
No, Jan. I've never asked for a raise in 14 years. This is long overdue. I wanna do it today. |
| 11925 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
Today. All right, well, uh, if you want to do it today, we should meet in person, and uh, can you get here by five? |
| 11926 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
Yshhyah. Um, yeah. I'll leave right away. |
| 11927 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
Great. Uh, and listen. Because of our, uh, our... you know, situation, we're gonna need to have a third party present. |
| 11928 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
Yes, I'm bringing Darryl. |
| 11929 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
Da--- Darryl from the warehouse? |
| 11930 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
Mm-hm. |
| 11931 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
No, Michael. We, we need an HR rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby. |
| 11932 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
Hey, I'd rather kill myself. |
| 11933 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
Michael, he's your branch's HR rep... |
| 11934 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known. |
| 11935 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Jan |
...and we need someone else, in the room, because of our relationship. You know this. Michael, either Toby comes with you, or we don't do it. |
| 11936 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2060 |
Michael |
Fine. |
| 11937 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Kelly |
You are so mean. |
| 11938 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Ryan |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 11939 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Kelly |
Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid. |
| 11940 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Ryan |
No, I said your idea was stupid. |
| 11941 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Michael |
Toby, come on. Let's go. |
| 11942 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Toby |
Where? |
| 11943 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Michael |
Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go. |
| 11944 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Kelly |
What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? |
| 11945 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Toby |
Alright. |
| 11946 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Kelly |
Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor. |
| 11947 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Ryan |
Don't you see why that's insane? |
| 11948 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2061 |
Kelly |
Oh, so I'm crazy now? |
| 11949 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Comfortable, Mike? |
| 11950 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Yeah. Fine. |
| 11951 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
How about you, man. Comfortable? |
| 11952 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Toby |
No. |
| 11953 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 11954 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 11955 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
I haven't been to New York in a long time. |
| 11956 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Mm, the Big Apple. |
| 11957 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Maybe I'll stay overnight. Got a cousin lives down there. |
| 11958 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Toby |
How would we get home? |
| 11959 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Oh you could stay too. He's got a big place. |
| 11960 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Maybe I'll stay. |
| 11961 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Mm, it's not that big. |
| 11962 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 11963 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Darryl |
Busses, though. They get you home quick. |
| 11964 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2062 |
Michael |
Oh, I... |
| 11965 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2063 |
Kelly |
And all of a sudden, Dwight stood up and was like "No!" |
| 11966 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2063 |
Angela |
Then what'd he do? |
| 11967 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2063 |
Kelly |
You should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyone's stories. Dunder Mifflin, customer service, this is Kelly. Oh yeah I could totally help you with that. Ok, let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper. Oh, 12 reams... |
| 11968 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2064 |
Hunter |
Hey guys, Jan is ready for you. |
| 11969 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2064 |
Darryl |
Okay, bring it home now. And don't forget the new black man phrase I taught you. |
| 11970 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2064 |
Michael |
Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity. |
| 11971 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2064 |
Darryl |
Yes sir. Remember that. I'll be right outside if you need me |
| 11972 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2064 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 11973 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2065 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I taught Mike some new phrases. I want him to get the raise, I... just can't help myself. |
| 11974 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2066 |
Roy |
Hey man, uh... I'm sorry. Thanks. Can I, like, see you after work for coffee, or... something? |
| 11975 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2066 |
Pam |
I don't know. |
| 11976 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2066 |
Roy |
Please. I just got some stuff I gotta say to you. |
| 11977 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2066 |
Kevin |
Jim--- Roy--- Look out! |
| 11978 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2066 |
Jim |
Thanks, Kev. I'm good though. |
| 11979 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Thank you, Hunter. Hello. Come in. Ah, Okay. |
| 11980 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
Who's the boy toy? |
| 11981 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
That's my new assistant. |
| 11982 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek? |
| 11983 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
I have to call you the second I get a new assistant? |
| 11984 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
Be nice to get a memo, we are lovers. |
| 11985 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Toby |
Hi, Jan. |
| 11986 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Hi, Toby. First--- First off, Michael, this is a salary negotiation. All matters regarding our personal relationship have to be set aside. Are we clear? |
| 11987 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
Pippity poppity. |
| 11988 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Right now we can offer you a 6% raise. |
| 11989 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
Six percent? After all we've been through? |
| 11990 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Oh, God. |
| 11991 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
I got you... jade earrings. |
| 11992 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Michael--- |
| 11993 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
No! |
| 11994 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Jan |
Michael--- |
| 11995 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Michael |
No. You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more s*x. What are you writing, perv-ball? |
| 11996 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2067 |
Toby |
Just preparing for the deposition. |
| 11997 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2068 |
Toby |
This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest scheduled raise by threatening to withhold s*x from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial. |
| 11998 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Roy |
I'm so sorry, Pammy. I really wasn't gonna do anything. But then I... kept thinkin' about you two together, and... I just thought you guys were really good friends, or... or maybe he was gay or somethin'... Not that that's wrong. |
| 11999 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Pam |
I'm sorry too. I just, I think that we both made some bad choices. |
| 12000 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Roy |
So you gonna start datin' Halpert then? |
| 12001 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Pam |
Um... no. No, he has a girlfriend. |
| 12002 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Roy |
Oh yeah... Wait a minute, you... broke off our wedding for the guy. |
| 12003 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Pam |
No, there were a lot of reasons. |
| 12004 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Roy |
But you're not even gonna try to go out with him? I don't get you Pam. |
| 12005 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2069 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 12006 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Dwight |
What's this? |
| 12007 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Jim |
What's what? |
| 12008 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Dwight |
Certificate of Bravery, from the Scranton Police Department. "Recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man. Dwight K. Schrute" |
| 12009 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Jim |
Wow. I guess word got around. That's a nice... honor. |
| 12010 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Dwight |
Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look. There's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap. |
| 12011 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2070 |
Jim |
Didn't think you'd notice... |
| 12012 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Michael |
Why don't you just take that pen and stab me in the heart. This is me, Jan. This is me! |
| 12013 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Jan |
Okay, Michael. Please, why don't we just take a break. This is really going nowhere. |
| 12014 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Michael |
Okay, no, no, no, no. You do not try tactic number eight on me. I invented tactic number eight. I'm not going anywhere. |
| 12015 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Jan |
Ok, Toby, how about if you... |
| 12016 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Toby |
Sure. |
| 12017 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2071 |
Jan |
Great. |
| 12018 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Jan |
What's wrong with you? |
| 12019 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Michael |
Ohh. It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed. And then Darryl made me feel bad for not making any money. And then I had to ride up here with stupid Toby. And then, your assistant, is all young and hot. And I--- |
| 12020 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Jan |
Okay, Michael. I can offer you a 12% raise, but you have got to ask for 15. |
| 12021 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Michael |
Well that's ridiculous I'm not gonna make--- |
| 12022 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Jan |
No, just... I just need you to ask for it, so I can record that you asked for it. Okay? |
| 12023 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Michael |
Ah, so... All right, Levinson. Here's the rub. I would like a 15% raise. |
| 12024 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Jan |
No. But we can offer you 12. |
| 12025 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2072 |
Michael |
But you just said 15. |
| 12026 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2073 |
Michael |
Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something. Higher salaries. Win win win. But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having s*x with Jan-- |
| 12027 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2073 |
Jan |
Michael! |
| 12028 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2074 |
Stanley |
So you and Bob are looking at a historical house? |
| 12029 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2074 |
Phyllis |
Mm-hmm, near the river. |
| 12030 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2074 |
Stanley |
Mm, how many bedrooms? |
| 12031 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2074 |
Phyllis |
Four. |
| 12032 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Angela |
Dwight. Dwight. I've been doing some very interesting reading. |
| 12033 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 12034 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Angela |
Mm-hmm. Tales of bravery. |
| 12035 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Dwight |
Mm, good stuff. |
| 12036 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Angela |
Mm-hmm. I was thinking tonight, we could... read it together. |
| 12037 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2075 |
Dwight |
Sounds... fun. |
| 12038 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2076 |
Jim |
I... will never say a word. And now, we are even. |
| 12039 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2077 |
Andy |
I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell. On time. Now I'm back. Got a second chance, and I'm not gonna blow it. So look out Dunder Mifflin! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... |
| 12040 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2078 |
Andy |
Hey guys! Guess who's back! AHHH! OH, GOD! |
| 12041 |
3 |
19 |
The Negotiation |
2078 |
Dwight |
No need to thank me. |
| 12042 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2079 |
Andy |
Good morning, Pam. |
| 12043 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2079 |
Pam |
Oh, welcome back, Andy. |
| 12044 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2079 |
Andy |
Drew. I'm Drew now. |
| 12045 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2079 |
Pam |
Oh. Drew. Sorry. |
| 12046 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2079 |
Andy |
Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. |
| 12047 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2080 |
Andy |
Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies. |
| 12048 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Andy |
Mornin' Jim. |
| 12049 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Jim |
Hey, Andy. How are you, man? |
| 12050 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Andy |
Good. Drew. |
| 12051 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 12052 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Andy |
Dr--- You can call me Drew. |
| 12053 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Jim |
No, I'm not gonna call you that. |
| 12054 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Jim |
Andy. |
| 12055 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2081 |
Andy |
Drew. Dwight. How's it goin' man? |
| 12056 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2082 |
Dwight |
Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. |
| 12057 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Dwight |
Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned. |
| 12058 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Jim |
Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug. |
| 12059 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Dwight |
Ok, tell him that's not true. |
| 12060 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Jim |
Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks. |
| 12061 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Andy |
You guys... |
| 12062 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Dwight |
Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! |
| 12063 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Jim |
Andy! Nah, that's too far. |
| 12064 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2083 |
Dwight |
Damn you. |
| 12065 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2084 |
Michael |
Today is Safety Training Day. Toby is leading ours upstairs. Yeauck. But, I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity. |
| 12066 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 12067 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Darryl |
Should you drive the forklift? |
| 12068 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
I can, and I have. |
| 12069 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Lonny |
You're not allowed to drive the forklift. |
| 12070 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Darryl |
It's not safe, you don't have a license. |
| 12071 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. Pudge has driven the forklift. |
| 12072 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Madge |
Madge. |
| 12073 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
I thought your name was Pudge? |
| 12074 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Madge |
No, it's always been Madge. |
| 12075 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
Okay. Um, her. |
| 12076 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Darryl |
Her. Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay? |
| 12077 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
Ah, fine. |
| 12078 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Darryl |
Do you understand that? |
| 12079 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2085 |
Michael |
Yeeesh. |
| 12080 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2086 |
Darryl |
We do safety training every year, or after an accident. ... We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... |
| 12081 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2087 |
Michael |
"Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!" |
| 12082 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2088 |
Darryl |
And I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers. |
| 12083 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat. |
| 12084 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 12085 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Andy |
It's on! |
| 12086 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler? |
| 12087 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Michael |
Bail'er? I hardly know her. |
| 12088 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Lonny |
Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man. |
| 12089 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody? |
| 12090 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Kevin |
Five bucks says it's over 50. |
| 12091 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Jim |
You really wanna bet? |
| 12092 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
Anybody? |
| 12093 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Kevin |
Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored. |
| 12094 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Guy |
How many? |
| 12095 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Jim |
Ok, you're on. |
| 12096 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
Ten people, Michael. Ten people. Would you like to be one of them? |
| 12097 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Kevin |
Damn... |
| 12098 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
You have to be alert, and calm. And always careful... |
| 12099 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Jim |
No, don't worry about it. We'll just got double or nothin'. |
| 12100 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Kevin |
On what? |
| 12101 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Jim |
I don't know, we'll figure somethin' out. |
| 12102 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 12103 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Oscar |
What are you guys talkin' about? |
| 12104 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Michael |
Yes, yes. But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... if somebody... |
| 12105 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darry |
It would be the worst thing in the world! It would! Very much so. |
| 12106 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Michael |
It's a big red trash compactor! |
| 12107 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Lonny |
What are you--- |
| 12108 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
It's not a trash compactor! It's a baler! |
| 12109 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Lonny |
Don't disrespect the baler! |
| 12110 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Michael |
Okay, okay! I got it. I got it. ... Only on the rarest of occasions... |
| 12111 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
No do not touch it! |
| 12112 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Michael |
...would I go near--- |
| 12113 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2089 |
Darryl |
There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay? |
| 12114 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go! |
| 12115 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour. |
| 12116 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and... |
| 12117 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour. |
| 12118 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour? |
| 12119 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Darryl |
Take them at the same time. |
| 12120 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? |
| 12121 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty. |
| 12122 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Ryan |
What about a long sleeve T? |
| 12123 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
Well, that'll work. |
| 12124 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Kevin |
Long johns? A shaw? |
| 12125 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
You know, anything that warms you. |
| 12126 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. Sorry, he is very lame. Um, let's see. "Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter." |
| 12127 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Darryl |
Thank God we only had a baler to deal with. |
| 12128 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? |
| 12129 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation. |
| 12130 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Darryl |
Actually, you did. |
| 12131 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Yes. Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. "A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary life style, which can contribute---" |
| 12132 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Toby |
Sedentary. |
| 12133 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Yes. "Which can contribute to heart disease." Heart disease kills more people that balers. |
| 12134 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
That's called having a fat butt, Michael. |
| 12135 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Mmmm, no, no, it's... sedentary... |
| 12136 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fat butt disease. That's what you suffer from? |
| 12137 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
No. |
| 12138 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Fat butt disease, Michael? |
| 12139 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Kelly |
Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. |
| 12140 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? |
| 12141 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Kelly |
Ryan? |
| 12142 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Dude, tell your girl to shut up. |
| 12143 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Kelly |
What?! |
| 12144 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Ryan |
Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please apologize. |
| 12145 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Kelly |
Are you kidding me? |
| 12146 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Darryl |
Alright, we outta here. |
| 12147 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. So, I--- |
| 12148 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Lonny |
Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. |
| 12149 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Darryl |
That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mike. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness, Nerf-ball. You live a sweet, little, Nerf-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it. |
| 12150 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2090 |
Michael |
Okay. ... What, Nerf isn't cool anymore? |
| 12151 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2091 |
Michael |
Darryl thinks he is such a man because he works in a warehouse. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make 'em feel like wimps. Not me, I... "Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today." ... This is one example. |
| 12152 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Kevin |
Ten. |
| 12153 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Oscar |
Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant. |
| 12154 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Jim |
There's like ten green ones. |
| 12155 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Oscar |
Forty-two. |
| 12156 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Jim |
I'm gonna say fifty. |
| 12157 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Karen |
Fifty-one. |
| 12158 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Jim |
Oh, don't be that person. |
| 12159 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Kevin |
That is lame. |
| 12160 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Karen |
It's a strategy! |
| 12161 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Pam |
It's called being smart. |
| 12162 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Karen |
Thank you. |
| 12163 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2092 |
Kevin |
Oh, geeze. |
| 12164 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2093 |
Pam |
I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun. |
| 12165 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Pam |
Ten... |
| 12166 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Jim |
Kev's out. |
| 12167 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Kevin |
Damn it. |
| 12168 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Pam |
47, 48, 49! Jim wins! |
| 12169 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Everyone |
Oooh! |
| 12170 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Jim |
Okay, okay. |
| 12171 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2094 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 12172 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Michael |
Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right? |
| 12173 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Pam |
I don't understand the question. |
| 12174 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Michael |
Working in an office can lead to depression. Which can lead to suicide. I mean this is really serious stuff. |
| 12175 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Pam |
Yeah... |
| 12176 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Michael |
I--- I--- Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler, and yet those guys are makin' fun of me, calling me a Nerf, that... |
| 12177 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Pam |
It's really hard to demonstrate depression. Their safety training had visuals. |
| 12178 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Michael |
Yeah... you are... ah, so right. They had visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science. |
| 12179 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Pam |
So, you're okay? |
| 12180 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2095 |
Michael |
Indubitably. |
| 12181 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2096 |
Michael |
They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes. |
| 12182 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2096 |
Dwight |
Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!? |
| 12183 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2096 |
Michael |
I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our killer is? Depression--- |
| 12184 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2096 |
Dwight |
Wolves. |
| 12185 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2096 |
Michael |
Nn--- Depression. |
| 12186 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2097 |
Dwight |
Visual aids. |
| 12187 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2097 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 12188 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2097 |
Dwight |
A quilt. Depression quilt? |
| 12189 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2097 |
Michael |
No time to sew a quilt. ... I got it. Give me the number for the Giant Big Box Toy Store. |
| 12190 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2098 |
Michael |
You may be asking yourself, "What am I doing on a trampoline?" Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not! Here's the plan. Dwight, is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys, we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I... tell them, about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, "Hey! You ever seen a suicide?" And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see... the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note: They might think "Hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." But that's... not why I'm doing this... Then, I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner... Ta-freakin'-da! |
| 12191 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2099 |
Ryan |
I guess I forgot. |
| 12192 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2099 |
Kelly |
You're such a ditz. |
| 12193 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2099 |
Kevin |
Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies. |
| 12194 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Dwight |
Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops! |
| 12195 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Michael |
Maybe we should test it first. Letterman-style. Throw a TV over, or... |
| 12196 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Dwight |
We measured it once... |
| 12197 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Michael |
Go buy some watermelons. |
| 12198 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Dwight |
Seedless? |
| 12199 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2100 |
Michael |
Just... |
| 12200 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Toby |
Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato. |
| 12201 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Pam |
Hey Creed. |
| 12202 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Creed |
Hey! |
| 12203 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 12204 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Creed |
Hello. |
| 12205 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 12206 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Kevin |
Here you go. |
| 12207 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2101 |
Toby |
Nice. |
| 12208 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2102 |
Karen |
I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out. |
| 12209 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Dwight |
Ready? |
| 12210 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Michael |
Let's do it! Drop that sucker. |
| 12211 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Michael |
BINGO! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Oh... crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess. |
| 12212 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 12213 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Michael |
Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes. |
| 12214 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Dwight |
Got it. |
| 12215 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Michael |
Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the baler. |
| 12216 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Dwight |
We're not allowed to use the baler. |
| 12217 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Michael |
Have Pa--adge do it, or... the sea monster. |
| 12218 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2103 |
Dwight |
I'm on it! |
| 12219 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
I'm temporarily lifting the shun. |
| 12220 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 12221 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
It means nothing. I need you to do something for me. |
| 12222 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Andy |
Anything. |
| 12223 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle. |
| 12224 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Andy |
You mean a moon bounce. |
| 12225 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
What do you think? You've got an hour. |
| 12226 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Andy |
I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash. |
| 12227 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
Shunning resumed. |
| 12228 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Andy |
Do you, do you want a drawbridge? |
| 12229 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2104 |
Dwight |
Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun. |
| 12230 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision. |
| 12231 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
Yes, thank you for seeing that. |
| 12232 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. |
| 12233 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
I don't know if I wanna do this. |
| 12234 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk! |
| 12235 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
No. No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing it, we're not gonna want to jump. This is about doing, not thinking. |
| 12236 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll! |
| 12237 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
Rock n' roll! |
| 12238 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 12239 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
That's right! I am not thinking. |
| 12240 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Near near near near near! |
| 12241 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
Yes! Yeah! |
| 12242 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! |
| 12243 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
Woo! |
| 12244 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! |
| 12245 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
Woo! |
| 12246 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Dwight |
Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun! |
| 12247 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2105 |
Michael |
I am ready to do this! I am ready to make a point! |
| 12248 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange! |
| 12249 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Andy |
Whoa! What's the situation? |
| 12250 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. |
| 12251 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Andy |
Ok, when's the shunning thing gonna end? |
| 12252 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die! |
| 12253 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Stanley |
Is it nice outside? |
| 12254 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
It's gorgeous. Let's go! |
| 12255 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Stanley |
Do I need my jacket? |
| 12256 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on! |
| 12257 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Ryan |
Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? |
| 12258 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2106 |
Dwight |
Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go! |
| 12259 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Come on, hurry up you guys! |
| 12260 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
My life! Oh, my life... |
| 12261 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Michael, what's wrong?! |
| 12262 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression. |
| 12263 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? |
| 12264 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study! |
| 12265 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Is that the last year the data was available? |
| 12266 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Yes! My head is in such pain! And turmoil! |
| 12267 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Don't do anything rash! |
| 12268 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Wait, where are the warehouse guys? |
| 12269 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
I didn't... I didn't think you needed them for this part. |
| 12270 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Okay... that's... |
| 12271 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
you said to just... |
| 12272 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
That's the whole point, dummy. |
| 12273 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'm on it! |
| 12274 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2107 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 12275 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2108 |
Dwight |
Attention blue collar workers! |
| 12276 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2109 |
Pam |
What are the odds that this is in any way real? |
| 12277 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2109 |
Jim |
I'd say like... 10,000 to 1? |
| 12278 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2109 |
Kevin |
Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds. |
| 12279 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Dwight |
Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange! |
| 12280 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Michael |
Oooooh, my life! |
| 12281 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Dwight |
Michael! What's wrong? |
| 12282 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Michael |
Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed. |
| 12283 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Dwight |
Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? |
| 12284 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2110 |
Michael |
Dwight, you ignorant slut. |
| 12285 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2111 |
Jim |
Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride, in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the matinee. |
| 12286 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2111 |
Michael |
And that is why, I am going to jump off this roof! |
| 12287 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2111 |
Jim |
Oh, excuse me. It's my... favorite part. |
| 12288 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2112 |
Angela |
This is just offensive. |
| 12289 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2112 |
Ryan |
At least we're outside. |
| 12290 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2113 |
Creed |
Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there. |
| 12291 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2113 |
Dwight |
No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael. |
| 12292 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2113 |
Michael |
Damn it. |
| 12293 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2114 |
Pam |
Oh... God. Oh my God, he's gonna jump. |
| 12294 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2114 |
Jim |
Oh. He's going to kill himself, pretending to kill himself. |
| 12295 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2114 |
Pam |
Yeah... |
| 12296 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Jim |
Hey uh, Michael. Don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that, because you're going to get horribly, horribly injured. |
| 12297 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Pam |
Hey Michael! I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it. |
| 12298 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
What is it? |
| 12299 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Pam |
Come down and... open it and you'll see. |
| 12300 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
Dwight, find out what the present is. |
| 12301 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Dwight |
Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing. |
| 12302 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Jim |
Dwight... |
| 12303 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Pam |
Dwight, what are you--- |
| 12304 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Dwight |
Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan. |
| 12305 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
Dwight, you are such a liar. Pam, really, what is it? |
| 12306 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Darryl |
Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna serious hurt yourself. |
| 12307 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
You told me, that I lead a... cushy, wimpy, Nerf life. |
| 12308 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Darryl |
Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for. |
| 12309 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
What do I have to live for? |
| 12310 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Darryl |
A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh... What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's goin' good, right? |
| 12311 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand, or what I want. The s*x isn't nearly as good as it used to be. |
| 12312 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
Do you really mean that? |
| 12313 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Darryl |
I couldn't do it. I--- I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave. |
| 12314 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
I'm braver than you? |
| 12315 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
I Braveheart. I am. |
| 12316 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Darryl |
Come down, okay? |
| 12317 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2115 |
Michael |
Okay. Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. |
| 12318 |
3 |
20 |
Safety Training |
2116 |
Michael |
An office... is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes. |
| 12319 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Jim |
It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question. What kind of bear is best? |
| 12320 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Dwight |
That's a ridiculous question. |
| 12321 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Jim |
False. Black bear. |
| 12322 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Dwight |
Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--- |
| 12323 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Jim |
Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. |
| 12324 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2117 |
Dwight |
Bears do not--- What is going on--- What are you doing?! |
| 12325 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2118 |
Jim |
Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that's a grand total of... eleven dollars. |
| 12326 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2119 |
Dwight |
You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year! |
| 12327 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2119 |
Jim |
... MICHAEL! |
| 12328 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2119 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL! |
| 12329 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2120 |
Pam |
Yes, I understand. Can I transfer you to customer relations? |
| 12330 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2120 |
Jim |
Absolutely. I couldn't be more sorry about this. |
| 12331 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2120 |
Phyllis |
I know, I know. We're all trying to get to the bottom of this. |
| 12332 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2120 |
Stanley |
I am upset. Don't I sound upset? |
| 12333 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2120 |
Michael |
It is disgusting. I totally agree. Well, we're going to recalling all of that paper. |
| 12334 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2121 |
Michael |
We have a crisis. Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound cream butter stock. Five hundred boxes has gone out, with the image of a beloved cartoon duck, performing... unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan. |
| 12335 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime. |
| 12336 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Dwight |
Cri-Man-Squa? |
| 12337 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
Crisis Management Squad. |
| 12338 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Ryan |
F and C, doubletime? |
| 12339 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
Front and Center. Twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions? |
| 12340 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Jim |
One more. Why are you talking like that? |
| 12341 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
To save time, Jim. |
| 12342 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Karen |
Actually I think you could make the argument that it wastes time. |
| 12343 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Pam |
Yeah, she has a good point. I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, by the time you explained it, it actually took up more time. |
| 12344 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
You know what? Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh! Forget it. Where is Creed? |
| 12345 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Creed |
Here. |
| 12346 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2122 |
Michael |
Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I really think you screwed the pooch on one, Creed. Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy. |
| 12347 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2123 |
Creed |
Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens. |
| 12348 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2124 |
Michael |
We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. Accounting, you are on customer service duty today. |
| 12349 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2124 |
Oscar |
That's really not our job. |
| 12350 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2124 |
Angela |
Kelly's training us? |
| 12351 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2125 |
Angela |
I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing. |
| 12352 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids. |
| 12353 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Jim |
Yeah, I gotta call out on that. |
| 12354 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person. |
| 12355 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 12356 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
I want you to bring a partner. |
| 12357 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Ryan |
I'll go. |
| 12358 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go. |
| 12359 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Andy |
William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do. |
| 12360 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone. |
| 12361 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
No, no. I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME! Guys, get on this. Dwight, I want you to be in charge of the press conference. |
| 12362 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Dwight |
Yes! You are entering the "No Spin Zone!" |
| 12363 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Pam |
We're having a press conference? |
| 12364 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Michael |
No, Pam. The press is just gonna find out by themselves. |
| 12365 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2126 |
Dwight |
Not! |
| 12366 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2127 |
Michael |
Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J. |
| 12367 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2128 |
Michael |
I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story. |
| 12368 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2128 |
Jim |
Oh, did the press ask for a story? |
| 12369 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2129 |
Creed |
Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect. |
| 12370 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2130 |
Creed |
The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man. |
| 12371 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kelly |
Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause. |
| 12372 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Oscar |
I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls. |
| 12373 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kelly |
I know, right? Probably a lot. |
| 12374 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Angela |
Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go? |
| 12375 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kelly |
OK, Angela. I love your enthusiasm. All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say "Customer Service, this is Kelly!" Except don't say "Kelly," say your own name. Or if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Bridget Jones, and I talked like this for the whole conversation! |
| 12376 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kevin |
Oh! Can I be Australian, mate? |
| 12377 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kelly |
Absolutely! |
| 12378 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kevin |
'ello, mate! |
| 12379 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kelly |
I like ice cream! I need a boyfriend. |
| 12380 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2131 |
Kevin |
I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies. |
| 12381 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Beer me! |
| 12382 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 12383 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Hand me that water. I always say "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time. So how's what's-her-name? |
| 12384 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Jim |
You know her name. |
| 12385 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends. Mmm. How's the apartment hangin'? |
| 12386 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Jim |
It's fine. |
| 12387 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Nice. Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet. |
| 12388 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Jim |
What about music? Do you have any music? |
| 12389 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Uh, yeah. Should have said so. Rha-dah-dah-dah! Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away-he-hay. Ruu-da-doo-da-doo, ba-dit-da-doo-da-dun, Give me the beat, boys, and free my little-ole-soul, I wa-- |
| 12390 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Jim |
I was thinkin' about more like a CD, or... a CD. |
| 12391 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2132 |
Andy |
Your call, dude. My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc. |
| 12392 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2133 |
Jim |
Lord, beer me strength. |
| 12393 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2134 |
Andy |
So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay? |
| 12394 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2134 |
Andy |
Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation. |
| 12395 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here? |
| 12396 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
Oh, is she that teacher in the white? |
| 12397 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef. |
| 12398 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
Which one... is she? |
| 12399 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
The one in the green hoodie. |
| 12400 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 12401 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something? |
| 12402 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
No, I don't think so. |
| 12403 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
She's like, probably a tutor. |
| 12404 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 12405 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
She probably a t-- |
| 12406 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
No. |
| 12407 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Andy |
Sh--- |
| 12408 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2135 |
Jim |
No. |
| 12409 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2136 |
Michael |
OK, press conference in 45. Dwight, make sure this place looks nice. |
| 12410 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2136 |
Dwight |
On it. OK, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. Pam, run a comb through your hair. |
| 12411 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2137 |
Dwight |
First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets. |
| 12412 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
Hey! Look sharp! Hey! Uh, Hi. Hello, Dwight Schrute. |
| 12413 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Chad Lite |
Hi, uh--- |
| 12414 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
And you must be uh, from the Washington Post. |
| 12415 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Chad Lite |
Scranton Times. Chad Lite, "Lighter Side of Life." |
| 12416 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
And "Breaking Corporate News." |
| 12417 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Chad Lite |
And obits. |
| 12418 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
Oh, dear God. OK, here are your credentials. You've been granted level three security clearance. |
| 12419 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Chad Lite |
Oh... |
| 12420 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
Don't get too excited, that's out of 20. Right this way. Regional Manager Michael Scott will be addressing the client in the press room shortly. Have a seat, can I get you a beverage? |
| 12421 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Chad Lite |
Uh, yeah, I'd like uh, uh--- |
| 12422 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2138 |
Dwight |
Great. |
| 12423 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
Jamie! |
| 12424 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jim |
Andy--- Ohh... |
| 12425 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
What are you doing here? |
| 12426 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jamie |
Andy? |
| 12427 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
Are you a student here? |
| 12428 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jamie |
Oh... yeah... |
| 12429 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
You never told me you were in high-school! |
| 12430 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jamie |
This is weird. I... gotta go to Spanish. |
| 12431 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
OH MY GOD! |
| 12432 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jim |
Oh my God. |
| 12433 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
I had no idea. |
| 12434 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Jim |
Well... that's not gonna hold up in court. |
| 12435 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2139 |
Andy |
Huh... We didn't do anything illegal. Except knock over a mailbox with her friends. |
| 12436 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2140 |
Oscar |
Really, Dixon City? ...Carbondale. |
| 12437 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2140 |
Angela |
Excuse me? Well, I don't see how that's our fault. And I've already told you, the official position of Dunder Mifflin is apologetic, so I don't know what you want from me. |
| 12438 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2141 |
Creed |
When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment. |
| 12439 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2141 |
Dwight |
Emergency dentist appointment. |
| 12440 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2141 |
Creed |
Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this. |
| 12441 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2142 |
Pam |
Yes, I'll be sure someone returns your call. I'm so sorry. Bye. |
| 12442 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2142 |
Barbara |
Hello, I'm looking for Michael Scott. |
| 12443 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2143 |
Michael |
Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really. |
| 12444 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Michael |
And so, with the eyes of the nation upon us, I would like to say that Dunder Mifflin truly regrets this unfortunate incident. And, as a gesture of gratitude, for your continued loyalty, Mrs. Allen, I would like to present you with this novelty check, for six months of free paper or 25 reams, whichever comes first. |
| 12445 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Dwight |
You look good in this. |
| 12446 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Michael |
So, let us consider this matter ended. |
| 12447 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Barbara |
Well it isn't ended. I'm... I'm very angry. I--- I could have lost business. |
| 12448 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Michael |
I know, I know you're angry. And we are truly, truly sorry. |
| 12449 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Barbara |
I don't accept your apology. The watermark was obscene and horrifying. |
| 12450 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Michael |
Well, we are extremely sorry. |
| 12451 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2144 |
Barbara |
I don't accept. |
| 12452 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2145 |
School Official |
I'll be with you in a moment. |
| 12453 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2145 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 12454 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2146 |
Andy |
Who was that guy she was talking to? At her locker. |
| 12455 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2146 |
Jim |
Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony. |
| 12456 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
School Official |
The issue with the watermark is very serious. |
| 12457 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
Jim |
Absolutely. |
| 12458 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
School Official |
We teach our students that character counts. |
| 12459 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
Jim |
And you should. |
| 12460 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
School Official |
But--- |
| 12461 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
Andy |
I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words--- |
| 12462 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
Jim |
"Good luck." |
| 12463 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2147 |
Andy |
That's not what I had in mind. |
| 12464 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2148 |
Kelly |
Ask where he's from. |
| 12465 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2148 |
Angela |
Where are you from? Ohio? That's nice. So what do you want? He's upset about the watermark. |
| 12466 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2148 |
Kelly |
OK, great. Now tell him that it was an unfortunate error, and we're doing everything we can do to fix it, and that you're sorry. |
| 12467 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2148 |
Kelly |
And you're sorry. |
| 12468 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2148 |
Angela |
...and the company has already apologized, so you can take that apology or not. I think he had Tourette's or something! |
| 12469 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Michael |
We... are going to do everything humanly possible, to ensure that this never happens again. |
| 12470 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Barbara |
Well, it--- it doesn't help, because it already happened to me. |
| 12471 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Michael |
The watermark... it's a one time thing. |
| 12472 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Barbara |
I don't care! It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having s*x? |
| 12473 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Dwight |
May I point out that the s*x appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling. |
| 12474 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2149 |
Michael |
OK... |
| 12475 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2150 |
Dwight |
I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having s*x in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right. |
| 12476 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
What... can I do, for you? |
| 12477 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
I, for starters, I think that you should resign. |
| 12478 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
Well... OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the papermill--- |
| 12479 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
You're the head--- |
| 12480 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
The guys at the papermill--- No no no! |
| 12481 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
You're the head of the company! |
| 12482 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
Yes, and that makes it your responsibility--- |
| 12483 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
No, I'm a regional manager--- |
| 12484 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
And so you should lose your job! |
| 12485 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
No--- my--- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out! |
| 12486 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
Fine. |
| 12487 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
That's insane. We'll give this to somebody who will appreciate it. |
| 12488 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
Mm-hmm. |
| 12489 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Dwight |
It's non-transferable... |
| 12490 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
Doesn't matter. Out please! |
| 12491 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Barbara |
I'm calling the Better Business Bureau. |
| 12492 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Michael |
Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline! Did you get all that? |
| 12493 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2151 |
Chad Lite |
Everything. |
| 12494 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Michael |
We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not... |
| 12495 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Pam |
It's just the Scranton Times... |
| 12496 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Michael |
No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it... |
| 12497 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Pam |
You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two. |
| 12498 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Michael |
You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. Do you know what this is for? |
| 12499 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2152 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 12500 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2153 |
Pam |
Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. He says he needs a woman's touch. |
| 12501 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2154 |
Michael |
OK, I think that's good. |
| 12502 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
"Hello. I am Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner. Let me tell you something. Something from the heart. I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team, to remove me from this office, and maybe not even that." |
| 12503 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Dwight |
Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team. |
| 12504 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
That's how devoted I am to this job. |
| 12505 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Dwight |
I'm just saying... |
| 12506 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 12507 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Dwight |
They would flank you. Throw in a concussion grenade. |
| 12508 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
I understand that, Dwight. |
| 12509 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Dwight |
You would be on the ground, blind, deaf, dumb. |
| 12510 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
Do you think you're taking it a little... literally, Dwight? And now we're wasting tape. I'm gonna have to cut this all out. Can you say cut? |
| 12511 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Dwight |
Cut. |
| 12512 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
So I'll know where--- |
| 12513 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Pam |
Cut. |
| 12514 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
I'm asking Pam to do it, please. |
| 12515 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Pam |
Cut. |
| 12516 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2155 |
Michael |
OK, ready? |
| 12517 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Angela |
Kevin, what's four plus seven? |
| 12518 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Kevin |
Eleven. |
| 12519 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Angela |
Yeah, well you didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form. |
| 12520 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Kevin |
Yeah, well at least I didn't suck at customer relations. Oooh, yes. Facial. |
| 12521 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 12522 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Angela |
You two are apes. |
| 12523 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Oscar |
I expect you to apologize for that, Angela. |
| 12524 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Angela |
I'm sorry... that you're both morons. |
| 12525 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Kevin |
Oh, but you still said "I'm sorry." |
| 12526 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Angela |
I called you morons. |
| 12527 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Kevin |
Still said it. |
| 12528 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2156 |
Oscar |
Still said it, so... |
| 12529 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Michael |
Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day." |
| 12530 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Pam |
One day for what? |
| 12531 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Michael |
That's... they always give an ultimatum. |
| 12532 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 12533 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Michael |
Good, cut? |
| 12534 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Pam |
Cut. That was your best apology video ever. |
| 12535 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2157 |
Michael |
Thought so too. |
| 12536 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2158 |
Creed |
Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children. |
| 12537 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2159 |
Creed |
I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic. |
| 12538 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
You want music? |
| 12539 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
I don't care. |
| 12540 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
Come on man, just give it a couple days. I think you'll be all right. |
| 12541 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 12542 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh... |
| 12543 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
You know what--- I don't--- |
| 12544 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh... |
| 12545 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube! |
| 12546 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh... |
| 12547 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube! |
| 12548 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Jim |
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh... |
| 12549 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2160 |
Andy |
Sweet. |
| 12550 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Dwight |
Pam. |
| 12551 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Pam |
Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today. |
| 12552 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Dwight |
Pssssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen. |
| 12553 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Karen |
Hey, Dwight, lookin' sharp. |
| 12554 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Dwight |
Yeah, that's cause I'm... you're boyfriend, Jim Halpert. Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend? |
| 12555 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Jim |
Do you? |
| 12556 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Karen |
No. |
| 12557 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 12558 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Karen |
I'm good. Thanks. |
| 12559 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Jim |
Look at that. |
| 12560 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Dwight |
I'm Jim Halpert. |
| 12561 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Jim |
Spot on. |
| 12562 |
3 |
21 |
Product Recall |
2161 |
Dwight |
Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh. |
| 12563 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 12564 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Oh, what's this? |
| 12565 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
That is a demerit. |
| 12566 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
"Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already. |
| 12567 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law. |
| 12568 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean? |
| 12569 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those. |
| 12570 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Lay it on me. |
| 12571 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
Three demerits and you'll receive a citation. |
| 12572 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Now that sounds serious. |
| 12573 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. |
| 12574 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Which would be me. |
| 12575 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
That is correct. |
| 12576 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation. |
| 12577 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Dwight |
What's a dis... what's that? |
| 12578 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2162 |
Jim |
Oh, you don't want to know. |
| 12579 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Pam |
Hey, Phyllis. You all right? |
| 12580 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Phyllis |
I think I just got flashed. |
| 12581 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Pam |
What? Really? |
| 12582 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Phyllis |
In the parking lot. |
| 12583 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. |
| 12584 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Dwight |
Move! |
| 12585 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Andy |
What happened? What can I do to help? |
| 12586 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 12587 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Andy |
I'll check the web. |
| 12588 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Jim |
Thank you. The police are on it. They say they've already had three calls. |
| 12589 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Pam |
Can you tell us what happened? |
| 12590 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Phyllis |
Um... I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out... on the map. |
| 12591 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Angela |
Phyllis. You're a married woman. |
| 12592 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2163 |
Creed |
The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? |
| 12593 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2164 |
Creed |
If that's flashing, then lock me up. |
| 12594 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Pam |
It's just, like, so creepy. |
| 12595 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 12596 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
What's happening? |
| 12597 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Pam |
Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot. |
| 12598 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Really? Is she OK? |
| 12599 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Pam |
Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down. |
| 12600 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
OK. Phyllis, you say? Hmm. |
| 12601 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Angela |
What is so funny? |
| 12602 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind? |
| 12603 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Kevin |
I'm guessing not. |
| 12604 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. It's pretty funny when you think about it. |
| 12605 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Jim |
Mm... not really, no. |
| 12606 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Pam |
It's disgusting and demeaning. |
| 12607 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? OK. He's back! OK. Hmm. Waagh! |
| 12608 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Toby |
Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the... |
| 12609 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
What? Oh. |
| 12610 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Toby |
What's going on? |
| 12611 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's, uh... |
| 12612 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Toby |
I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response. |
| 12613 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul. |
| 12614 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Toby |
I don't think the women in this office - |
| 12615 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you're the flasher. |
| 12616 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Toby |
I was at a parent-teacher conference. |
| 12617 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2165 |
Michael |
Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your pen1s. I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong. |
| 12618 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2166 |
Michael |
In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me. |
| 12619 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Jan |
Michael, ... |
| 12620 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Michael |
Huh? |
| 12621 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Jan |
...come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body. |
| 12622 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Michael |
I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tolls - |
| 12623 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Jan |
I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser. |
| 12624 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Michael |
Um, that... I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable. |
| 12625 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Jan |
$300? |
| 12626 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Michael |
I... uh, well, I don't know. |
| 12627 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Jan |
You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on? |
| 12628 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2167 |
Hunter |
You got it, Jan. |
| 12629 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2168 |
Dwight |
Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free. |
| 12630 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Michael |
I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can't happen. Not in my house. |
| 12631 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Dwight |
Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on. |
| 12632 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 12633 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Dwight |
There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert. |
| 12634 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Dwight |
Look at that one. |
| 12635 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2169 |
Michael |
Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. |
| 12636 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Michael |
Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say. |
| 12637 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Dwight |
Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his pen1s - I think you know what I'm referring to - Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force. |
| 12638 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Jim |
Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces? |
| 12639 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Dwight |
Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know... I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community? |
| 12640 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Pam |
Phallus? |
| 12641 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2170 |
Dwight |
Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody. |
| 12642 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2171 |
Pam |
I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things. |
| 12643 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Phyllis |
I didn't really get a good look. |
| 12644 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Pam |
That's OK. I don't feel like answering phones. |
| 12645 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Karen |
Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous. |
| 12646 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen. |
| 12647 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Karen |
Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting. |
| 12648 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
Desperate times call for desperate measures. |
| 12649 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Pam |
"Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors." Nobody dress like that. |
| 12650 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women, put 'em in a burlap sack, and hit 'em with a stick? Because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that. |
| 12651 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Karen |
Look, it's really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect. |
| 12652 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight? |
| 12653 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
Yes. Did you hear that, Michael? |
| 12654 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation. |
| 12655 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Jim |
Wait a second, how are you qualified for that? |
| 12656 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? |
| 12657 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
Mm, less than three. |
| 12658 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
That is not current. |
| 12659 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual. |
| 12660 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Jim |
Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls. |
| 12661 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Dwight |
Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car. |
| 12662 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2172 |
Michael |
You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women. |
| 12663 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
I, um... would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter. |
| 12664 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Creed |
Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal? |
| 12665 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited. |
| 12666 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Meredith |
I don't remember doing that. |
| 12667 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Angela |
What a surprise. |
| 12668 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
OK, no catfights. Please. Let's - my point is... my point is... a pen1s, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. |
| 12669 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this. |
| 12670 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Andy |
If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models. |
| 12671 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Kevin |
Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me. |
| 12672 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Karen |
What you're saying is extremely misogynistic. |
| 12673 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything. |
| 12674 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Karen |
I'm saying that you're being sexist. |
| 12675 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist. |
| 12676 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Karen |
That - it's the same thing. |
| 12677 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Phyllis |
Michael. |
| 12678 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 12679 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Phyllis |
When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian. |
| 12680 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut. |
| 12681 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Angela |
And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods. |
| 12682 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Michael |
I have to know whether you're serious or not. |
| 12683 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2173 |
Dwight |
I wish I could menstruate. |
| 12684 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2174 |
Dwight |
If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides. |
| 12685 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2175 |
Karen |
Can we just get back to work? |
| 12686 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2175 |
Michael |
Ye - OK, yes. |
| 12687 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2175 |
Angela |
This is not work talk. |
| 12688 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2175 |
Michael |
You're right. You're right, you're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? The Steamtown Mall. |
| 12689 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2176 |
Karen |
Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So... I could do that. |
| 12690 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2177 |
Angela |
Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10. |
| 12691 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Michael |
OK, let's go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. Let's go! |
| 12692 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Dwight |
Have you finished with the sketch? |
| 12693 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 12694 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Dwight |
Hmm, doesn't seem like the type. |
| 12695 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Pam |
Uh, Phyllis got a good look. |
| 12696 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2178 |
Dwight |
Hmm. |
| 12697 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2179 |
Dwight |
I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide. |
| 12698 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2180 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 12699 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2180 |
Angela |
Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead. |
| 12700 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2180 |
Meredith |
Thanks. I know how to drive. |
| 12701 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2180 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah. You really shouldn't litter. |
| 12702 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2180 |
Meredith |
My car, my rules. |
| 12703 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Kevin |
Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women's bathroom? |
| 12704 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Jim |
No. Thank you, though. |
| 12705 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Kevin |
You aren't curious? |
| 12706 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Jim |
Not really. I've seen a bathroom before. |
| 12707 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Kevin |
Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy. |
| 12708 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Kevin |
Yeah. I'm going in. |
| 12709 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Jim |
Go crazy. |
| 12710 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2181 |
Kevin |
Oh... my... God. |
| 12711 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Andy |
I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today. |
| 12712 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Dwight |
Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building. |
| 12713 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Andy |
This guy looks like a real deviant. |
| 12714 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Dwight |
No, duh. That's why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those. |
| 12715 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Andy |
Aye, aye, Cap'n. |
| 12716 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2182 |
Dwight |
More like, "Aye, aye, General." |
| 12717 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2183 |
Michael |
I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it - |
| 12718 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2183 |
Meredith |
It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot. |
| 12719 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Jim |
Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool. |
| 12720 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 12721 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Toby |
Hey, uh... where'd you decide to take Karen tonight? |
| 12722 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Jim |
Anna Maria's. |
| 12723 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Ryan |
What's the occasion? |
| 12724 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Jim |
Six-month anniversary. What? |
| 12725 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Ryan |
Nothing - I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up. |
| 12726 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Jim |
No, we've been dating for six months. |
| 12727 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Ryan |
Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um - |
| 12728 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Jim |
Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend. |
| 12729 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2184 |
Ryan |
I figured. It's cool. I don't - I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway. |
| 12730 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
All right. Hope nobody's on a diet. |
| 12731 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Kelly |
Thanks, Michael. |
| 12732 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Angela |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 12733 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
You're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome. OK. So, let's dish. |
| 12734 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Pam |
What do you want to dish about? |
| 12735 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
Anything you guys want. This is your time. Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it "shmear?" Like the cream cheese. |
| 12736 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Pam |
OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan? |
| 12737 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Kelly |
Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome. |
| 12738 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
What, um... what do you think of role-play? |
| 12739 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Phyllis |
Oh, it can be fun. |
| 12740 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy. |
| 12741 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Karen |
It's a pretty common one. |
| 12742 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Michael |
I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress. |
| 12743 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2185 |
Angela |
OK. I'm gonna be at the doll store. |
| 12744 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2186 |
Angela |
Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls. |
| 12745 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Pam |
Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with. |
| 12746 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Michael |
Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during s*x. |
| 12747 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. |
| 12748 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Michael |
And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form. |
| 12749 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Karen |
That is not healthy behavior. |
| 12750 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Michael |
No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it. |
| 12751 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Pam |
Michael, you need to get out of this. |
| 12752 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Michael |
No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing. |
| 12753 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Pam |
No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad. |
| 12754 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2187 |
Michael |
No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan? |
| 12755 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Pam |
Read the pros first. |
| 12756 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt. |
| 12757 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Phyllis |
She does have very nice clothes. |
| 12758 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Karen |
OK, OK. Um, cons. |
| 12759 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested. |
| 12760 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Pam |
What was the last one? |
| 12761 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles. |
| 12762 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Phyllis |
No, the one before that. |
| 12763 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
I'm unhappy when I'm with her. |
| 12764 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Pam |
Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy. |
| 12765 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having s*x. |
| 12766 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Karen |
Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes. |
| 12767 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
Yeah, that's smart. |
| 12768 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Pam |
Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other. |
| 12769 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know. |
| 12770 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Phyllis |
I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan? |
| 12771 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Michael |
I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan. |
| 12772 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2188 |
Phyllis |
My mom taught me that. |
| 12773 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2189 |
Michael |
Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories. |
| 12774 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2189 |
Pam |
No one said it has no calories. |
| 12775 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2189 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. Come on. Get in here. |
| 12776 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2190 |
Michael |
Let's face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked. |
| 12777 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Kevin |
This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often. |
| 12778 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Toby |
I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time. |
| 12779 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Creed |
What are you doing in here? This is the women's room. |
| 12780 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Kevin |
You're in here. |
| 12781 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Creed |
I pay for that privilege. |
| 12782 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2191 |
Kevin |
OK. |
| 12783 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2192 |
Creed |
I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly. |
| 12784 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2193 |
Michael |
Mm. You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties or... pick a thong or... G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any - it just - you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear. |
| 12785 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2193 |
Karen |
Phyllis. What do you think? Too much? |
| 12786 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2193 |
Phyllis |
Jim's gonna love it. |
| 12787 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2194 |
Pam |
I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe. |
| 12788 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Angela |
Slower. Slower. Meredith. Slow it up. |
| 12789 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Michael |
Oh. Oh, no. It's Jan. What do I do? |
| 12790 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Karen |
Answer it. |
| 12791 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Pam |
Don't answer it. |
| 12792 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Michael |
OK, it stopped. |
| 12793 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Kelly |
Whoa. |
| 12794 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2195 |
Meredith |
Crap. |
| 12795 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2196 |
Jim |
That is pretty cool. |
| 12796 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Kelly |
Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right? |
| 12797 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Michael |
Uh, yeah. Yep. Um... Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will... |
| 12798 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Pam |
Here, uh... Meredith? Why don't you put your hazards on. |
| 12799 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Michael |
Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let's see. There we go! Good. Yes, we have the... all right. |
| 12800 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Pam |
I think I've got it. |
| 12801 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Michael |
Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan? |
| 12802 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Pam |
I don't think we really need that, Michael. |
| 12803 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2197 |
Michael |
Uh... you know what? I'm going to... you take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic... detail. |
| 12804 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2198 |
Pam |
You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy. Coming! |
| 12805 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Andy |
Think we'll find him? |
| 12806 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I do. 'Cause justice never rests. |
| 12807 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Andy |
Halvsies? |
| 12808 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Dwight |
No. Wholesies. |
| 12809 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Andy |
Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot. |
| 12810 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Dwight |
Natch. |
| 12811 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Andy |
Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera. |
| 12812 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2199 |
Dwight |
You know, I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass. |
| 12813 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
OK, I am really going to do this. |
| 12814 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Pam |
Good luck, Michael. |
| 12815 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let's do this. Let's do it. |
| 12816 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Karen |
OK, remember, be strong. |
| 12817 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
I love you guys. Now I'm getting her voicemail. |
| 12818 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Pam |
Don't leave a - |
| 12819 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later. |
| 12820 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
Michael... I was, um... I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... I just - I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So... I'm sorry. |
| 12821 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 12822 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
So... we're good? |
| 12823 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
Abso-fruit-ly. |
| 12824 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry. |
| 12825 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
No... No... |
| 12826 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
One second. Oh! It's from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner? |
| 12827 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 12828 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
OK. "It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want..." |
| 12829 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Michael |
Maybe some Italian. "... to remain friends. Or at least business associates -" Chinese? "who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy." |
| 12830 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2200 |
Jan |
Oh. |
| 12831 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2201 |
Michael |
Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. "Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all. |
| 12832 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
Dunder-Mifflin paper/s*x predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute. |
| 12833 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. It's Jim. |
| 12834 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy. |
| 12835 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Jim |
No, you're not. I'm looking right at you. |
| 12836 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
Ugh. I'm hanging up. |
| 12837 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Jim |
Don't. I have information about the s*x predator. |
| 12838 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
You have information about the s*x predator? |
| 12839 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Jim |
I saw him two minutes ago. |
| 12840 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
Where? |
| 12841 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Jim |
In the women's bathroom, above the sink. |
| 12842 |
3 |
22 |
Women's Appreciation |
2202 |
Dwight |
Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. PAM! |
| 12843 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Michael |
Ughh... Blech. |
| 12844 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Dwight |
OK, where does it hurt? |
| 12845 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Michael |
Just... all over. I don't want to do anything... I'm dying... |
| 12846 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Dwight |
No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body. |
| 12847 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Michael |
Right there. |
| 12848 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Dwight |
"Abdomen. Menses." |
| 12849 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Michael |
Maybe. |
| 12850 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Dwight |
"The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it." |
| 12851 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2203 |
Michael |
Not it. I don't have eggs. |
| 12852 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2204 |
Pam |
About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned. |
| 12853 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Dwight |
Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste? |
| 12854 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Michael |
That's possible. |
| 12855 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 12856 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Michael |
Uh-huh? |
| 12857 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Pam |
David Wallace is on line one. |
| 12858 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Michael |
The CFO? Ohh... |
| 12859 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2205 |
Michael |
OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK. |
| 12860 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace? |
| 12861 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Michael, I am calling--- |
| 12862 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
And Gromit. Jan? Is Jan there? |
| 12863 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Jan is out of town right now. |
| 12864 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... |
| 12865 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Michael? |
| 12866 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
...you just gots to get your freak on. |
| 12867 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Michael? |
| 12868 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 12869 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Michael? |
| 12870 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
Hmmm. |
| 12871 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate. |
| 12872 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 12873 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch. |
| 12874 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say. |
| 12875 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
That's not necessary. |
| 12876 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
Michael |
May God guide you in your quest. |
| 12877 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2206 |
David |
Yes. |
| 12878 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2207 |
Michael |
OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus. |
| 12879 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2208 |
Michael |
Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume? |
| 12880 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2208 |
Oscar |
I don't wear a Speedo, Michael. |
| 12881 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2208 |
Michael |
Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally. |
| 12882 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2209 |
Toby |
Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30. |
| 12883 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2209 |
Michael |
Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going. |
| 12884 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2209 |
Toby |
It's Beach Day... |
| 12885 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2209 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here. |
| 12886 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2210 |
Michael |
I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck. |
| 12887 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Toby |
Hey, want my sun screen? |
| 12888 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Pam |
Oh, great. I forgot mine and I'm wearing a two piece. |
| 12889 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Toby |
Uh-huh. |
| 12890 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Pam |
Thanks Toby. |
| 12891 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Michael |
Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you |
| 12892 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Pam |
I thought we were just having fun at the beach. |
| 12893 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2211 |
Michael |
We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me. |
| 12894 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2212 |
Michael |
What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head. |
| 12895 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2213 |
Pam |
You want me to write down people's indefinable qualities? |
| 12896 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2213 |
Michael |
I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright? |
| 12897 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2214 |
Pam |
I have the most boring job in the office, so... why wouldn't I have the most boring job on beach day? |
| 12898 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2215 |
Michael |
This way to the partay bus. |
| 12899 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2216 |
Kevin |
I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted. |
| 12900 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2217 |
Kevin |
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right." You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. |
| 12901 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach. |
| 12902 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Stanley |
Oh, sweet mother of God. |
| 12903 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus. |
| 12904 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Stanley |
Excuse me? |
| 12905 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner! |
| 12906 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Dwight |
Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach. |
| 12907 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off. |
| 12908 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Dwight |
I hope there will be management parables. |
| 12909 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Well, Hey Pam, did you get that down? |
| 12910 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Pam |
Like what? |
| 12911 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't... |
| 12912 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Pam |
Well... no, I don't... exactly... what? |
| 12913 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2218 |
Michael |
Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you. |
| 12914 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2219 |
Michael |
Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. Watch out for snakes! |
| 12915 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Angela |
Everyone put on sunscreen. |
| 12916 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Michael |
Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor. |
| 12917 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 12918 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Michael |
Just words. Inspiring words. Not a contender. For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley. |
| 12919 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 12920 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2220 |
Michael |
Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam. |
| 12921 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2221 |
Michael |
Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something. |
| 12922 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2222 |
Dwight |
I choose Michael! |
| 12923 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2222 |
Michael |
I'm not playing. |
| 12924 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2222 |
Dwight |
OK, temp. |
| 12925 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2223 |
Michael |
Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot. |
| 12926 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Michael |
We are going to choose team names. Dwight? |
| 12927 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Dwight |
We will be called Gryffindor. |
| 12928 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Jim |
Really? Not Slytherin? |
| 12929 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Dwight |
Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim. |
| 12930 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Jim |
I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort. |
| 12931 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Dwight |
He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn't do that. |
| 12932 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Jim |
Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ... Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! |
| 12933 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Dwight |
OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that. |
| 12934 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name? |
| 12935 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Stanley |
I don't care what you call my team. |
| 12936 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Michael |
Then I will name your team the Red team. |
| 12937 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2224 |
Stanley |
No , the blue team. |
| 12938 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2225 |
Michael |
I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America. |
| 12939 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2226 |
Andy |
We will be team U.S.A. |
| 12940 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2226 |
Michael |
Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic. |
| 12941 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2227 |
Michael |
Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him. |
| 12942 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Michael |
It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist. |
| 12943 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Stanley |
There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon. |
| 12944 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Michael |
Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go! |
| 12945 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Oscar |
Come on Phyllis, you can do it. Ahh... |
| 12946 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Stanley |
Thank you so much. |
| 12947 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Andy |
Phyllis is out. Yes! Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good. |
| 12948 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Kelly |
I don't want to hit the big rock! |
| 12949 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Andy |
Don't worry. You're not... |
| 12950 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Kelly |
I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it. |
| 12951 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Andy |
No where near the big rock. |
| 12952 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Kelly |
I just don't want to get hit by it... |
| 12953 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2228 |
Andy |
What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified. |
| 12954 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2229 |
Andy |
I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! |
| 12955 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2230 |
Jim |
Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole. |
| 12956 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2230 |
Karen |
Hole? |
| 12957 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2230 |
Jim |
Yup. Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left. |
| 12958 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Dwight |
Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! |
| 12959 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Ryan |
Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore. |
| 12960 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Dwight |
What are you saying? |
| 12961 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Ryan |
You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race. |
| 12962 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Dwight |
OK, I apologize for yelling at you. |
| 12963 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Ryan |
That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team. |
| 12964 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2231 |
Dwight |
I am trying to bring team spirit. |
| 12965 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2232 |
Jim |
Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. Yes! |
| 12966 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2232 |
Karen |
Oh my God! You ass! |
| 12967 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2233 |
Pam |
There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking. |
| 12968 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2233 |
Michael |
Pam...you're missing things. |
| 12969 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2234 |
Dwight |
Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you b*st*rd! What the? Damn it temp! |
| 12970 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2234 |
Andy |
Great job everyone, that was fantastic. |
| 12971 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Michael |
Okay Pam, I have another little project for you. |
| 12972 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Pam |
Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs? |
| 12973 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Michael |
Smart as a whip! Yes! These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it. |
| 12974 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Pam |
When's the contest? |
| 12975 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Michael |
Like umm... ten minutes? |
| 12976 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Pam |
How am I supposed to... get... |
| 12977 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2235 |
Michael |
Thanks a bunch. |
| 12978 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2236 |
Michael |
A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success. |
| 12979 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
OK, who's hungry No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set. |
| 12980 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Kelly |
Can I have a turkey burger? |
| 12981 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready? |
| 12982 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Oscar |
Turkey is a healthy meat. |
| 12983 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Dwight |
It's very good for you. |
| 12984 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat! |
| 12985 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Phyllis |
Is there any mustard? |
| 12986 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily. |
| 12987 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize. |
| 12988 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Meredith |
What is it? |
| 12989 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
I can't say. |
| 12990 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Jim |
You can't say, or you can't pronounce it? |
| 12991 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world. |
| 12992 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Kelly |
Can we just take those first two things? |
| 12993 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright? |
| 12994 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Dwight |
You're leaving? |
| 12995 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up. |
| 12996 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Andy |
I am so hungry! |
| 12997 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Stanley |
Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis? |
| 12998 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2237 |
Michael |
Word. There we go. Let's see it. |
| 12999 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2238 |
Stanley |
I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on! |
| 13000 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2239 |
Michael |
Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs! |
| 13001 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2239 |
Kelly |
Team U.S.A.! |
| 13002 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2239 |
Andy |
One came up. |
| 13003 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2239 |
Michael |
13 hot dogs, everybody! |
| 13004 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2239 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 13005 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2240 |
Creed |
Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs! |
| 13006 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2241 |
Dwight |
Sabotage. |
| 13007 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2241 |
Angela |
What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich? |
| 13008 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2241 |
Dwight |
No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team. |
| 13009 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2241 |
Angela |
I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane. |
| 13010 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2241 |
Dwight |
If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me. |
| 13011 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Michael |
It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens. |
| 13012 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Stanley |
Uh, we don't have any safety mittens |
| 13013 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Michael |
Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go. |
| 13014 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Karen |
Get 'em big boy! |
| 13015 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Michael |
Aaaaaand, go! |
| 13016 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Karen |
C'mon, Jim! |
| 13017 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 13018 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Michael |
Nice, Stanley! |
| 13019 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Stanley |
Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight. |
| 13020 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2242 |
Jim |
Yeah. No. Good. |
| 13021 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2243 |
Jim |
Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day. |
| 13022 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2244 |
Oscar |
If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see. |
| 13023 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2245 |
Dwight |
Gaaaaa.... |
| 13024 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2245 |
Michael |
One. Two. Three. |
| 13025 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2245 |
Dwight |
Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa! |
| 13026 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2245 |
Michael |
Excellent! |
| 13027 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2245 |
Dwight |
Gryffindor! Gryffindor! |
| 13028 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Andy |
I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words. |
| 13029 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Dwight |
That's not why you lost. |
| 13030 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Andy |
Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad. |
| 13031 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Dwight |
Yeah, right. |
| 13032 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Andy |
Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon! |
| 13033 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2246 |
Dwight |
Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that? |
| 13034 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Andy |
Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody! |
| 13035 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Angela |
What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them? |
| 13036 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Andy |
Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously! |
| 13037 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Angela |
I don't understand what you want from me. |
| 13038 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Andy |
Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it! |
| 13039 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Angela |
Sorry! Bye, Andy! |
| 13040 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2247 |
Andy |
Angela! |
| 13041 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2248 |
Michael |
I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points? |
| 13042 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2248 |
Pam |
I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units. |
| 13043 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2248 |
Michael |
Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook. |
| 13044 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2248 |
Pam |
I really doubt it, Michael. |
| 13045 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2248 |
Michael |
Please just check. |
| 13046 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye. |
| 13047 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Karen |
Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well. |
| 13048 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
In well? |
| 13049 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Karen |
As well. |
| 13050 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
How would that work in well? I just want to know. |
| 13051 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Karen |
Yes. uh, huh. |
| 13052 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
Wait a minute. |
| 13053 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Karen |
That would be fine. |
| 13054 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
If this job is in a well, I don't want it. |
| 13055 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Karen |
Cut it out! |
| 13056 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2249 |
Jim |
I don't! |
| 13057 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2250 |
Michael |
What does a great manager need most of all? Courage. |
| 13058 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2250 |
Stanley |
How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus. |
| 13059 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2250 |
Michael |
Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE! |
| 13060 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals. |
| 13061 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Kevin |
Are you going to try it? |
| 13062 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Angela |
I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. |
| 13063 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Kevin |
Angela, it is a million degrees. |
| 13064 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Pam |
I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right? |
| 13065 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score. |
| 13066 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Pam |
I'd like to try it. |
| 13067 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
Pointless. |
| 13068 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Pam |
But I'm not kidding. I really want to do it. |
| 13069 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up. |
| 13070 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 13071 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
Ji.. why not? C'mon. |
| 13072 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Jim |
Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned. |
| 13073 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager. |
| 13074 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Jim |
That's harsh. |
| 13075 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2251 |
Michael |
Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today. |
| 13076 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2252 |
Andy |
Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello? |
| 13077 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Kevin |
Why don't you go Michael? |
| 13078 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill. |
| 13079 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Jim |
And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself. |
| 13080 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. The mind has to wrap around the foot. Okay. |
| 13081 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Pam |
Do you want us to count to three? |
| 13082 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Yes. Count to three, please. |
| 13083 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Group |
Three. Two. One. |
| 13084 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one. |
| 13085 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Group |
One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael. |
| 13086 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three? |
| 13087 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Creed |
On the go that's after three. |
| 13088 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 13089 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Group |
One, two, three, go! |
| 13090 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Dwight |
No! It's okay. I will do this Michael. |
| 13091 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
Don't, don't. |
| 13092 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Dwight |
I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager! |
| 13093 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Group |
Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving. |
| 13094 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Dwight |
GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB! |
| 13095 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Michael |
I'm not going to give it to you. |
| 13096 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Dwight |
Aaagh, aaagh! |
| 13097 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Pam |
Michael, do something! |
| 13098 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2253 |
Dwight |
Aggggh, that stings! |
| 13099 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. "Outside Hire." |
| 13100 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Angela |
Or Mrs. "Outside Hire." |
| 13101 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor. |
| 13102 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Kelly |
Who's Bob Hope? |
| 13103 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
God! He's a comedian. |
| 13104 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Kelly |
Oh, like Amanda Bynes. |
| 13105 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
Who's Amanda Bynes? |
| 13106 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Kelly |
She's from "What a Girl Wants." |
| 13107 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got. |
| 13108 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Jim |
Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement. |
| 13109 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
You are being too modest. |
| 13110 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Jim |
Michael, on Thursday I'm going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York. |
| 13111 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Michael |
Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us. |
| 13112 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2254 |
Dwight |
The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, "Describe your act." And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, "What do you call yourselves?" And the man says, "The Aristocrats!" |
| 13113 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2255 |
Pam |
Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh... |
| 13114 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2256 |
Dwight |
I mean truly repulsive acts. |
| 13115 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2256 |
Michael |
That is a very, very funny story. |
| 13116 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2256 |
Pam |
Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day. |
| 13117 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2256 |
Michael |
Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background. |
| 13118 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2257 |
Group |
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we'll have a gay old time! |
| 13119 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2257 |
Michael |
WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA! |
| 13120 |
3 |
23 |
Beach Games |
2257 |
Andy |
Nice! |
| 13121 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
David! |
| 13122 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
Oh, Michael? |
| 13123 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Are we all set? |
| 13124 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
Isn't our interview tomorrow? |
| 13125 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in and say hello. |
| 13126 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
You happened to be in mid-town Mahattan? |
| 13127 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Thought I'd catch a show. |
| 13128 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
In the middle of a work day? |
| 13129 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Naaah. You know what? Since I'm here, let me ask you a few questions about the job. |
| 13130 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
Okay. |
| 13131 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Um, how many people are you interviewing? |
| 13132 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
We're only interviewing the branch managers and some other upper level company people. |
| 13133 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Ah, well, good. Out of curiosity are you interviewing anyone who has been here longer than I have, or manages more people? |
| 13134 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
I don't think so. |
| 13135 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Great. One more... question. When you merged those branches who did you put in charge? |
| 13136 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
I believe we put you in charge. |
| 13137 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Ah, great. No further questions. |
| 13138 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
Okay, Michael. |
| 13139 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 13140 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
David |
I'm really looking forward to our interview. |
| 13141 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2258 |
Michael |
And I'm really looking forward to working with you. |
| 13142 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2259 |
Michael |
I got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. Hey, Pam yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentially. I'll be like three hours late. |
| 13143 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Kevin |
Hey. |
| 13144 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Hey, Kev. |
| 13145 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Kevin |
What's different about you? You look worse. |
| 13146 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 13147 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Meredith |
You got a haircut. It's sexy, hot. |
| 13148 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Ohhh... |
| 13149 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Meredith |
Turn around. |
| 13150 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
No. |
| 13151 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Meredith |
Yes. |
| 13152 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
No way. |
| 13153 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Meredith |
Do it! |
| 13154 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Andy |
Blup-dup-do. What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut. |
| 13155 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Andy... |
| 13156 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Andy |
What is it, Big Haircut? |
| 13157 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Nothing. |
| 13158 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Andy |
Sorry, I can't hear you Big Haircut. |
| 13159 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 13160 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2260 |
Andy |
What? |
| 13161 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2261 |
Jim |
Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless. |
| 13162 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2262 |
Pam |
Hey. I think it looks great. |
| 13163 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2262 |
Jim |
Thanks, Pam. |
| 13164 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2263 |
Pam |
After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship too and I would always mean a lot to him and I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it, and it only took me three years to summons the courage, so thank you. |
| 13165 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 13166 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Dwight |
You wanted to see me? |
| 13167 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Yes, the time has come to name my own replacement. So please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute. |
| 13168 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Dwight |
But that's my name. Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch. Thank you. |
| 13169 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Okay. Uh... |
| 13170 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 13171 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Uh, okay. |
| 13172 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Dwight |
Thank you so much. |
| 13173 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Stop crying. |
| 13174 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 13175 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2264 |
Michael |
Ohhhhh... |
| 13176 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 13177 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Karen |
Hey. |
| 13178 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Pam |
Um, about the beach... |
| 13179 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Karen |
It's okay, we all say things without thinking. |
| 13180 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Pam |
Oh, no it's not that, I've actually been thinking that for a long time, and I'm glad I said it. I just... I'm sorry if it made you feel weird. |
| 13181 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2265 |
Karen |
Oh. Okay. |
| 13182 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2266 |
Karen |
Pam is... kind of a bitch. |
| 13183 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2267 |
Karen |
Hey, what if we leave tonight? Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit. |
| 13184 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2267 |
Jim |
Ahhh... just have so much paperwork to do. Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it. |
| 13185 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Jim |
So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 'cause we want to spend the night in the city. |
| 13186 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
Why so you can do it? |
| 13187 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Jim |
Whoops. |
| 13188 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
No, um, well I was thinking that uh, actually we could all leave tomorrow and do a convoy you know? Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... |
| 13189 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Jim |
Hmmm. |
| 13190 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Karen |
Heh. |
| 13191 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
Moon each other. |
| 13192 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Jim |
Ah, we're gonna go tonight, but we're gonna see you there tomorrow morning, right? |
| 13193 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 13194 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 13195 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
Your loss. |
| 13196 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Karen |
Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving? |
| 13197 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Michael |
Cruise control. |
| 13198 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2268 |
Karen |
Oh. |
| 13199 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
So Jim, who do you think is hotter? Pam or Karen? |
| 13200 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now. |
| 13201 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
Pam is taller. |
| 13202 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
You sure? |
| 13203 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
Yes. She has bigger breasts, too. |
| 13204 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 13205 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
I think Karen has a prettier face. |
| 13206 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
Uh, hmm. Uh, hmm. What else? |
| 13207 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
Well I mean Pam's face is really pretty too. It's a very tough call. |
| 13208 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
Hm. Really tough call. |
| 13209 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 13210 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
You know what? Why don't you take the rest of the day, figure it out and then come back and tell me what you got. |
| 13211 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Kevin |
Will do. |
| 13212 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2269 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 13213 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Oscar |
Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship. |
| 13214 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Pam |
Wow, very funny. |
| 13215 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Stanley |
I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly. |
| 13216 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Kelly |
Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam. |
| 13217 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Meredith |
You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said. |
| 13218 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2270 |
Creed |
I remember. I blogged the whole thing. |
| 13219 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2271 |
Ryan |
Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet it's... pretty shocking. |
| 13220 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks. |
| 13221 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Kevin |
Do you think it's gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York? |
| 13222 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up, and I think if she had something to say she would have called me. |
| 13223 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Oscar |
Maybe you should talk to her? Before... |
| 13224 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
No, no, no. You know what? It's a done deal. I basically have the job already. There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo. |
| 13225 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Oscar |
Michael... |
| 13226 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Kevin |
What? |
| 13227 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Angela |
Why? |
| 13228 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Oscar |
I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense. |
| 13229 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
Yes, I... |
| 13230 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Angela |
Wha? Who gave you that advice? |
| 13231 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Michael you should never sell your condo... |
| 13232 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
I have to buy another place. |
| 13233 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Angela |
But you said you were in debt. |
| 13234 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Oscar |
You're not sure that you have the job. |
| 13235 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2272 |
Michael |
I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time. |
| 13236 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2273 |
Dwight |
How would you like to spend the night with the Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton? |
| 13237 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2273 |
Angela |
No Dwight, I don't care if that is how they consolidated power in ancient Rome. |
| 13238 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2273 |
Dwight |
No, no, not Michael. Me. I'm taking his job. |
| 13239 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2273 |
Angela |
Not now. Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor. |
| 13240 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. |
| 13241 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Oh hey, Dwight. |
| 13242 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never. |
| 13243 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Does my room have cable? |
| 13244 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
No. And the sheets are made of fire. |
| 13245 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Can I change rooms? |
| 13246 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. |
| 13247 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Can I have a late checkout? |
| 13248 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
I'll have to talk to the manager. |
| 13249 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
You're not the manager even in your own fantasy? |
| 13250 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan! |
| 13251 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil? |
| 13252 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet. |
| 13253 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Jim |
Go. |
| 13254 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2274 |
Dwight |
Eighty thousand dollars a year. |
| 13255 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2275 |
Dwight |
Once I'm officially Regional Manager my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified. |
| 13256 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2276 |
Andy |
I will see you at the inter-view. |
| 13257 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2276 |
Dwight |
Yes you will. |
| 13258 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
Who is D. Abramson? |
| 13259 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Pam |
He's from that company in Pitts... |
| 13260 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 13261 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
Why... are you here? |
| 13262 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Jan |
Uh, how are you? |
| 13263 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
I'm good. How are you, Janet? It's good to see you. |
| 13264 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Jan |
I'm great. Uh, can we, can we talk... privately... for a minute? |
| 13265 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
Why privately? |
| 13266 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Jan |
I just, I uh... I don't uh... I, I don't, I don't like the way that we left things. |
| 13267 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
Okay, sure, fine. Um, why don't you wait in my office. I have some important business matters to take care of. |
| 13268 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Jan |
Okay. |
| 13269 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2277 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 13270 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2278 |
Michael |
Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem. |
| 13271 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2278 |
Pam |
What do you want me to do? |
| 13272 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2278 |
Michael |
Uh, I may need some immediate assistance. If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room. Phyllis, Angela, Karen. |
| 13273 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2278 |
Pam |
What about Meredith? |
| 13274 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2278 |
Michael |
No. She's an alternate. |
| 13275 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Michael |
So, how you been? |
| 13276 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Jan |
Been good. |
| 13277 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Michael |
Good. |
| 13278 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Jan |
Good. |
| 13279 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 13280 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Jan |
Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I uh, I tried calling, but I kept getting voice mail. |
| 13281 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2279 |
Michael |
Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages. |
| 13282 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Pam |
So, um, Michael needs us in the conference room. |
| 13283 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Karen |
'Cause of Jan again? |
| 13284 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Karen |
Hey, uh, before I leave tonight, would you mind making a half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports for our interviews tomorrow? |
| 13285 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Pam |
Uh, sure. |
| 13286 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Karen |
Thanks. |
| 13287 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Pam |
I really hope you get the job. |
| 13288 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2280 |
Karen |
Thanks. |
| 13289 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Jan |
After you ended... everything with us, I went on a vacation. |
| 13290 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 13291 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Jan |
To kinda clear my mind. |
| 13292 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Michael |
Sound good. Sounds fun. |
| 13293 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Jan |
It was. Yeah, it was good. I think I'll just get right to the point, you know? Um, I, I feel good about myself for the first time in a really long time. |
| 13294 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Michael |
Hmm.. |
| 13295 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Jan |
I've made some big changes in my life and... I miss you. I want us to get back together. |
| 13296 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Michael |
Would you excuse me for a second? |
| 13297 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2281 |
Jan |
Ohh... |
| 13298 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
Defcon twenty. She wants to get back together. |
| 13299 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Phyllis |
What are you gonna do? |
| 13300 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
I don't know, that's why you're here, help me. Please... |
| 13301 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Karen |
Do you want to get back together with her? |
| 13302 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
No, no. What do I do? |
| 13303 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Pam |
Just don't get back together with her. |
| 13304 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
What if she makes me? |
| 13305 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Angela |
How can she make you get back together with her? |
| 13306 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do. |
| 13307 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Pam |
This was a terrible relationship. You were not happy when you were with her. |
| 13308 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
I wasn't. |
| 13309 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Pam |
You're so much happier now. Just go in there and be strong. |
| 13310 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm gonna go in there and tell her that we can't be together. |
| 13311 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Pam |
Right. |
| 13312 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 13313 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Karen |
Do it. |
| 13314 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2282 |
Michael |
I'm in a very good place right now. Thank you. |
| 13315 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2283 |
Michael |
Okay. Jan, we need to talk. |
| 13316 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2284 |
Michael |
Jan is in a different place right now, and it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. So I am going to hear her out. |
| 13317 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Jim |
Yeah, bigger actually. |
| 13318 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Pam |
That's crazy! |
| 13319 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Jim |
Mm-hm. |
| 13320 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Pam |
Wow! |
| 13321 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Karen |
Oh my God. Can you believe that? |
| 13322 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Jim |
Unbelievable. |
| 13323 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Karen |
Wow! |
| 13324 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Jim |
She could put the cup right there. |
| 13325 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2285 |
Karen |
I know! |
| 13326 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2286 |
Meredith |
I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front. |
| 13327 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2287 |
Kevin |
I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers. |
| 13328 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2288 |
Creed |
I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots. |
| 13329 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Jan |
So... there are a lot of things that I would like to do differently. |
| 13330 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 13331 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Jan |
I feel like, when we first got together, that I had a problem with my priorities. |
| 13332 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Michael |
First got priorities. |
| 13333 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Jan |
And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation... |
| 13334 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2289 |
Michael |
Let's get back together. |
| 13335 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Dwight |
Okay, everyone, listen up! Time to begin the interview process! Andrew Bernard. |
| 13336 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Andy |
Saving the best for first! |
| 13337 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Karen |
All right, you guys. See you later, wish us luck! |
| 13338 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Dwight |
No! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do not wish them luck. Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael. |
| 13339 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Oscar |
Good luck, you guys! |
| 13340 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Dwight |
What did I say!? |
| 13341 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Pam |
Good luck. |
| 13342 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2290 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 13343 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2291 |
Pam |
I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche. And I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche... Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care. Cause I am what I am. That's Popeye. |
| 13344 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Dwight |
I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color? |
| 13345 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Andy |
White, because it contains all other colors. |
| 13346 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Dwight |
Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. How do you make a table? |
| 13347 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Andy |
You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. |
| 13348 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Dwight |
What is the capital of Maine? |
| 13349 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Andy |
The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell. |
| 13350 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Dwight |
Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. Don't wanna hear about it. Forget your personal history, and learn the history of this company. |
| 13351 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Andy |
Should not be a problem. I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended. |
| 13352 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Dwight |
You're not off to a very good start, Bernard. |
| 13353 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2292 |
Andy |
I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say? |
| 13354 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2293 |
Andy |
I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous. |
| 13355 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2294 |
Dwight |
Time! No, you failed. |
| 13356 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2294 |
Andy |
Damn it! |
| 13357 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2294 |
Dwight |
This interview is over. I'll let you know. |
| 13358 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Karen |
Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview. |
| 13359 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Jim |
Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or... |
| 13360 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Karen |
Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house. |
| 13361 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Jim |
Oh wow, that sounds like fun. Is your friend named Karen too? What did she accomplish? |
| 13362 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Karen |
No, I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It's for me. |
| 13363 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Jim |
Oh... |
| 13364 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2295 |
Karen |
'Cause I'm going to get the job. |
| 13365 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Michael |
Remarkable. |
| 13366 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Jan |
Thanks. |
| 13367 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Michael |
Wait, wait. Check one more time. |
| 13368 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Jan |
Oh, okay. |
| 13369 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Michael |
Very good |
| 13370 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Jan |
Well, I um, I have to get back, but I will see you in New York tomorrow, right? |
| 13371 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Michael |
Yes, indeed. |
| 13372 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2296 |
Jan |
Good luck with your interview. Bye. |
| 13373 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2297 |
Michael |
So, I guess we're getting back together. |
| 13374 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2297 |
Pam |
What happened? |
| 13375 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2297 |
Michael |
Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger. |
| 13376 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2298 |
Michael |
Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery. |
| 13377 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2299 |
Karen |
So we have all night. Where do you want to go first? |
| 13378 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2299 |
Jim |
Oh, I dunno, how about the U.N.? |
| 13379 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2299 |
Karen |
How often do you come here? |
| 13380 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2299 |
Jim |
Um, everytime my sixth grade class has a field trip. |
| 13381 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2299 |
Karen |
I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim. |
| 13382 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2300 |
Michael |
Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, I would like to start saying my goodbyes Okay. Goodnight, and good luck. |
| 13383 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2301 |
Dwight |
Who's ready to work? |
| 13384 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2302 |
Jim |
Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it. And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels. |
| 13385 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2302 |
Karen |
That wasn't him. |
| 13386 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2303 |
Karen |
So what's going to happen to us when I get this job? |
| 13387 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2303 |
Jim |
Oh do you mean when I get the job? |
| 13388 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2303 |
Jim |
You mean Kevin? |
| 13389 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2303 |
Karen |
Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there. |
| 13390 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2303 |
Jim |
Yeah, I do. C'mon. |
| 13391 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Michael |
How are you guys doing? Need anything? |
| 13392 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Karen |
Uh, no, we're good. Thanks. |
| 13393 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Michael |
I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. |
| 13394 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Jim |
Who's that? |
| 13395 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Jim |
Beardy? |
| 13396 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13397 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Jim |
I'm gonna introduce myself. |
| 13398 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2304 |
Michael |
No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so... |
| 13399 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2305 |
Michael |
I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep. |
| 13400 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2306 |
Dwight |
Michael is gone. |
| 13401 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2306 |
Andy |
Hail to the chief! |
| 13402 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2306 |
Dwight |
My first order of business: make Andrew Bernard my number two. |
| 13403 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2306 |
Andy |
My first order of business: accept. |
| 13404 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2306 |
Dwight |
As if you had a choice. Duh. Opportunity of a lifetime. |
| 13405 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2307 |
Andy |
Three months ago, I was nowhere. I was just a Cornell grad, in anger management. Look where I am now. Not bad. |
| 13406 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Michael |
Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire. |
| 13407 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Hunter |
Uh, administrative assistant. |
| 13408 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Michael |
Jan in yet? |
| 13409 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Hunter |
I think she's comin' in... later. |
| 13410 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Michael |
Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in? |
| 13411 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Hunter |
Sure. |
| 13412 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Michael |
Just say, "I want to squeeze them." It's code. She'll know what it means. |
| 13413 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Hunter |
Okay. |
| 13414 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2308 |
Michael |
Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, "Brbrbrbrbr!" also? |
| 13415 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Dwight |
You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession. |
| 13416 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 13417 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Dwight |
I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 13418 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 13419 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Dwight |
Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position. |
| 13420 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Pam |
You will be your own assistant. |
| 13421 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Dwight |
Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills. |
| 13422 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13423 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Dwight |
Do you accept? |
| 13424 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2309 |
Pam |
Absolutely, I do. |
| 13425 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2310 |
Pam |
I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, "Absolutely, I do." |
| 13426 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
Michael |
Hello, hello! |
| 13427 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
David |
Michael, good to see you! |
| 13428 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
Michael |
Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for. |
| 13429 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
David |
Oh, great. I've been meaning to thank you by the way. You didn't lose a single customer during the merger, and you still managed to trim the budget? That is nice work. So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager? |
| 13430 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
Michael |
Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. |
| 13431 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
David |
Okay. And your strengths? |
| 13432 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
Michael |
Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths. |
| 13433 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
David |
Oh. Yes. Very good. |
| 13434 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 13435 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2311 |
David |
Very good. |
| 13436 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Phyllis |
Dwight is our new boss. |
| 13437 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Oscar |
Oh, Michael's not going anywhere. |
| 13438 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Pam |
Then who do you think will get the job? |
| 13439 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Kevin |
Karen. She looks corporate. Those little pants suits. |
| 13440 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Phyllis |
I think it's gonna be Michael. |
| 13441 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Oscar |
Do you really think he's qualified for that job? |
| 13442 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Phyllis |
No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, and he got that one. |
| 13443 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2312 |
Oscar |
Mm. Yeah. |
| 13444 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Dwight |
Listen up! Come to the center of the room, please. This... is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks... equals an extra five minutes for lunch. |
| 13445 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Pam |
What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck? |
| 13446 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Dwight |
Excellent question, Pam. 1/100th of a cent. |
| 13447 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Dwight |
Just... zip your lid! Another announcement. Michael wasted an enormous amount of the group's time and patience with non-work related ethnic celebrations and parades of soft-minded dogoodedness. No longer. No more meetings! |
| 13448 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Stanley |
Amen. |
| 13449 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Dwight |
Instead, today I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper. |
| 13450 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Kevin |
Do we have to? |
| 13451 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2313 |
Dwight |
Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you! |
| 13452 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2314 |
Pam |
I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here. |
| 13453 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
What do you think we could be doing better? |
| 13454 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
Michael |
I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, "Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!" I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, "Super Duper Paper. It's super duper." I don't know, something like that. |
| 13455 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
Okay! |
| 13456 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 13457 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
Thanks for comin' in, Michael. |
| 13458 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 13459 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
It is always a treat when our paths cross. |
| 13460 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
You're back together. |
| 13461 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
Michael |
Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals. |
| 13462 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
Okay, uh. Well, I thought it was clear in the description, the position... the job you're applying for... is Jan's job. |
| 13463 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
Michael |
I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it? |
| 13464 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2315 |
David |
No, we're letting Jan go. |
| 13465 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Kevin |
Trees. |
| 13466 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Trees! And where do trees grow? |
| 13467 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Kevin |
Forest. |
| 13468 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Soil. Right. We have, in front of you here, seven different types of Pennsylvania top soil. Now, what would you say... is the most important element in the production of above ground leafy growth? Probably phosphorus, right? Wrong! It's nitrogen! Absorb this information. Good! Now, let us discuss precipitation. Stanley! When rainfall occurs, does it usually fall in a liquid, solid, or gaseous... state? |
| 13469 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Stanley |
Liquid. |
| 13470 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck. |
| 13471 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Stanley |
I don't want it. |
| 13472 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks! |
| 13473 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Stanley |
Make it 100. |
| 13474 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
We--- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks? |
| 13475 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Stanley |
No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again. |
| 13476 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? |
| 13477 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Stanley |
The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. |
| 13478 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Okay--- |
| 13479 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Andy |
That's it! |
| 13480 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
What--- |
| 13481 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Andy |
Class is canceled, everybody out! |
| 13482 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
No wait, what are you doing?! |
| 13483 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Andy |
I'm punishing them. |
| 13484 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, wait! Class is not canceled. |
| 13485 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Pam |
HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation! |
| 13486 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Oscar |
What--- What are you winking for? |
| 13487 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2316 |
Dwight |
Zip your lid! |
| 13488 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
Karen |
So, that's... my basic 5 year plan. And after that, who knows? |
| 13489 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
David |
Okay. Uh, now, this may seem like an odd question, but... |
| 13490 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
Karen |
Yeah? |
| 13491 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
David |
...what do you think about Michael Scott? |
| 13492 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
Karen |
He's a very nice man. And he's very well suited for the job he has now. |
| 13493 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
David |
This is off the record. |
| 13494 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2317 |
Karen |
He would be disaster. |
| 13495 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
Hey you! |
| 13496 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 13497 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
How was your interview? |
| 13498 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
Pretty good. |
| 13499 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
Yeah? |
| 13500 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
Could have gone better I guess. |
| 13501 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
Oh. I'll put in a good word for you. |
| 13502 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. |
| 13503 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
What? |
| 13504 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun. |
| 13505 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
What's... what's the matter? What... what happened in there? |
| 13506 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Michael |
I can't tell you. |
| 13507 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2318 |
Jan |
Tell me what? |
| 13508 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
You son of a bitch! |
| 13509 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview--- |
| 13510 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic. |
| 13511 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
Erratic? |
| 13512 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to--- |
| 13513 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
Is it because of these? |
| 13514 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Michael |
Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan--- |
| 13515 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court! |
| 13516 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
It's not. |
| 13517 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
No? |
| 13518 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
It's not. |
| 13519 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
'Cause he likes them. Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about. |
| 13520 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
David |
The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable. |
| 13521 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
Yeah! |
| 13522 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Michael |
No--- We're all unstable. |
| 13523 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Jan |
Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving. |
| 13524 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2319 |
Michael |
David, I did not tell her. |
| 13525 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2320 |
Andy |
It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall. |
| 13526 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2320 |
Dwight |
It's like outerspace without the stars, it's so black. |
| 13527 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2320 |
Andy |
This is gonna look so awesome! |
| 13528 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2320 |
Dwight |
It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here! |
| 13529 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2320 |
Andy |
Totally! |
| 13530 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Jan |
Bye Hunter. |
| 13531 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Hunter |
Bye. |
| 13532 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Jan |
Good luck with your band. |
| 13533 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Hunter |
Oh, thank--- |
| 13534 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Jan |
Don't let them change you, okay? So long, . |
| 13535 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Michael |
So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job. |
| 13536 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
David |
Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction. |
| 13537 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Michael |
Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions. |
| 13538 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
David |
No, we're not giving you the job. |
| 13539 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Michael |
You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal? |
| 13540 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
David |
I do. |
| 13541 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Michael |
Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though. |
| 13542 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
David |
Yes. |
| 13543 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2321 |
Michael |
Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. Either one of them... excellent candidates. |
| 13544 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Karen |
Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction. |
| 13545 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Jim |
Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though. |
| 13546 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Karen |
Don't! She's nuts! |
| 13547 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Jim |
Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want. |
| 13548 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Karen |
Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so... |
| 13549 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 13550 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Karen |
Just call me when you're done. |
| 13551 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 13552 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Karen |
Good luck, Halpert. |
| 13553 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 13554 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2322 |
Receptionist |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure. |
| 13555 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Michael |
I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible. |
| 13556 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Jan |
Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so... |
| 13557 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Michael |
Well, it's... No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK. |
| 13558 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Jan |
Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do? |
| 13559 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Michael |
I don't know. Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile. |
| 13560 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2323 |
Jan |
Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really! |
| 13561 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2324 |
Michael |
I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack! |
| 13562 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2324 |
Pam |
How'd it go? |
| 13563 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2324 |
Michael |
No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon. |
| 13564 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Michael |
Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. "Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in." Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black? |
| 13565 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Dwight |
To intimidate my subordinates. |
| 13566 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Michael |
That's stupid. |
| 13567 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Dwight |
It was Andy's idea. |
| 13568 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Michael |
You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. Ryan, coffee. |
| 13569 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Ryan |
I don't do that stuff anymore. |
| 13570 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2325 |
Michael |
No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids. |
| 13571 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2326 |
Michael |
So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones. |
| 13572 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2326 |
Pam |
Did... Karen get the job? |
| 13573 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2326 |
Michael |
Back to work. Still waitin' on that coffee. |
| 13574 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2327 |
Dwight |
Pam, hello. |
| 13575 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2327 |
Pam |
Dwight, hello. |
| 13576 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2327 |
Dwight |
I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity. |
| 13577 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2328 |
Pam |
No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But--- you--- that is, a, um, you know, not--- A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay. |
| 13578 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan. |
| 13579 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
I should leave. |
| 13580 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy. |
| 13581 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 13582 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet--- |
| 13583 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, wait, so is the question "How'd I get to be so awesome?" Because, I don't have an answer for you. |
| 13584 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers? |
| 13585 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
Yes, absolutely. |
| 13586 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out... |
| 13587 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
Oh, no, absolutely. |
| 13588 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here, he's probably the only person you're not gonna like. Kendall. Ugh. So, first up... |
| 13589 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
There you go. |
| 13590 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
How do you think you function here in New York? |
| 13591 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just a energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. So that's a... bonus. |
| 13592 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. What have you liked most about that place? |
| 13593 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
Jim |
The friendships. |
| 13594 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2329 |
David |
Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years? |
| 13595 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Jim |
How are your feet? |
| 13596 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Pam |
Medium rare. Thanks. |
| 13597 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Jim |
The real reason that I went to Stamford... was because... I wanted to be... not here. |
| 13598 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 13599 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Jim |
And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back. |
| 13600 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2330 |
Pam |
Well, I wish you would. |
| 13601 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2331 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just one moment, I'll transfer you. |
| 13602 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2332 |
Pam |
I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally--- |
| 13603 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2332 |
Jim |
Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight? |
| 13604 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2332 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 13605 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2332 |
Jim |
All right. Then... it's a date. |
| 13606 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2332 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, what was the question? |
| 13607 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2333 |
David |
So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty. But, after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. Great! I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here. |
| 13608 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2333 |
Ryan |
I'm excited too. Okay. Bye. |
| 13609 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2333 |
Kelly |
Who was that? |
| 13610 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2333 |
Ryan |
Nobody. You and I are done. |
| 13611 |
3 |
24 |
The Job (Parts 1&2) |
2333 |
Kelly |
What?! |
| 13612 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2334 |
Michael |
Ok, well I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning... well she bought the milk. It's soy. This is why I do it, that's what I have to come home to. She probably won't be up for a few hours. |
| 13613 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2335 |
Michael |
This is going to be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Um... Andy and Dwight are rockin' the sales team. I feel very blessed. |
| 13614 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
IT Tech Guy |
You know generally it's not a good idea to click on offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? |
| 13615 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Pam |
It was for a video. |
| 13616 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
IT Tech Guy |
Yeah, what kind of video? |
| 13617 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Pam |
A celebrity s*x tape. |
| 13618 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Jim |
Really, what kind of celebrity? |
| 13619 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Pam |
Not relevant. |
| 13620 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Jim |
How much did you pay for it? |
| 13621 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Pam |
Not relevant. |
| 13622 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Jim |
You paid for it? |
| 13623 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2336 |
Pam |
It all happened so fast. |
| 13624 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2337 |
Jim |
I broke up with Karen after the job interview, and uh... it was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me, very clearly, just because we were broken up didn't mean she was going anywhere, because she worked really hard for her career. But the next day her desk was empty, and as for me and my current romantic life, I uh... I'm single now and looking, so if you know anybody. |
| 13625 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2338 |
Pam |
Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his break up. It's really nice to be good friends again. |
| 13626 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2339 |
Kevin |
Are you kidding me, Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile; they're just keeping it a secret. Right? |
| 13627 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2339 |
Oscar |
I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things. |
| 13628 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2339 |
Kevin |
Are you kidding me? |
| 13629 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2340 |
Pam |
And Sunday I'm thinking of going to that flea-market at the drive-in. |
| 13630 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2340 |
Jim |
Oh that sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday. On Montage Mountain. |
| 13631 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2340 |
Pam |
Cool. |
| 13632 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2340 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 13633 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2340 |
Pam |
Well have fun with that. |
| 13634 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Michael |
Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car. |
| 13635 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Jim |
What? |
| 13636 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Dwight |
Where? |
| 13637 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Michael |
It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK. |
| 13638 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Stanley |
What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? |
| 13639 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Oscar |
So she's really going to be fine? |
| 13640 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Michael |
Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, but, ah... people have survived far worse. |
| 13641 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Pam |
Thank God you were there. |
| 13642 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 13643 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Andy |
Did you see who did it? |
| 13644 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Dwight |
No need we can just check the security tapes. |
| 13645 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Michael |
Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. |
| 13646 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Jim |
Who was driving? |
| 13647 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2341 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. |
| 13648 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2342 |
Jim |
One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then. |
| 13649 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Dwight |
It's only Meredith. |
| 13650 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Michael |
Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something. |
| 13651 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Dwight |
Hey... Why did you do it? |
| 13652 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Michael |
It was an accident. |
| 13653 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Dwight |
Was she talkin' back? |
| 13654 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Michael |
No. |
| 13655 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2343 |
Dwight |
Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances? |
| 13656 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
Hey guys, we're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch. And we're kicking in $5 for flowers. |
| 13657 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Kevin |
Who's we, you and Jim? |
| 13658 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
No, uh, me Stanley and Phyllis so far. |
| 13659 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Kevin |
Oh, I bet Jim goes too. |
| 13660 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. |
| 13661 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Kevin |
Oh, I bet you ask? |
| 13662 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
I was planning on it. |
| 13663 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Kevin |
I bet you were. |
| 13664 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
Angela? |
| 13665 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Oscar |
Subtle. |
| 13666 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Kevin |
What |
| 13667 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Pam |
Are you coming? |
| 13668 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2344 |
Angela |
I can't, Sprinkles is sick. |
| 13669 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2345 |
Angela |
She's been sick for some time. Thank you for asking, no one asks... about Sprinkles. |
| 13670 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2346 |
Angela |
I have to give her her meds, I have to pet her, and who will she eat lunch with? |
| 13671 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2346 |
Pam |
Can't your other cats keep her company. |
| 13672 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2346 |
Angela |
There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques. |
| 13673 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2346 |
Pam |
Angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. I shouldn't even be planning this, it's your job. |
| 13674 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2346 |
Angela |
All right! |
| 13675 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2347 |
Michael |
My lord my liege. |
| 13676 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2347 |
Ryan |
Yes Michael? |
| 13677 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2348 |
Michael |
So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish? |
| 13678 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Michael |
So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back. |
| 13679 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Ryan |
Back? Why is that Michael? |
| 13680 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Michael |
Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. |
| 13681 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Ryan |
Oh! Did you do this on purpose? |
| 13682 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Michael |
No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in... |
| 13683 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Ryan |
Did this happen on company property? |
| 13684 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Michael |
Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine. |
| 13685 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Ryan |
I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. |
| 13686 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2349 |
Michael |
Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine? |
| 13687 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2350 |
Ryan |
People keep calling me a "Wunderkind"; I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, it means very successful for your age, so I guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word. |
| 13688 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
Hey D. |
| 13689 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Dwight |
Hey monkey, what's up? |
| 13690 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine. |
| 13691 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Dwight |
Sure. |
| 13692 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
I have to visit the alchy. |
| 13693 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Dwight |
Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what; I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some workers comp. |
| 13694 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
I wouldn't put it past her. |
| 13695 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Dwight |
So what do you need me to do? |
| 13696 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
I wrote it out. |
| 13697 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13698 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2351 |
Angela |
There's a diabetes shot, roll the insulin in your hand, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal, but you have to put her right in front of the dish or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine, um... and you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. And, oh and there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail, so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail. |
| 13699 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Ok, I have an announcement. |
| 13700 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Oscar |
You pushed Darryl out the window? |
| 13701 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
No. |
| 13702 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Phyllis |
You shot Dwight? |
| 13703 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree. |
| 13704 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Jim |
Oh good, so we don't have to work. |
| 13705 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
OK, we're leaving for the hospital at 1. |
| 13706 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
So, like a freedom tree. |
| 13707 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
I can take 3 people. |
| 13708 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Jim |
I can also take 3 people. |
| 13709 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Oscar |
Separate cars. |
| 13710 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Pam. |
| 13711 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room. |
| 13712 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Pam. |
| 13713 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly works can go at lunch. |
| 13714 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Ok, good good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. |
| 13715 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
I... |
| 13716 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Excellent! |
| 13717 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
I was thinking that we... |
| 13718 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Good work Pam. |
| 13719 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Pam |
But... |
| 13720 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Yaaaaaay, Pam! Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun? |
| 13721 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Stanley |
You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning. |
| 13722 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2352 |
Michael |
Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! |
| 13723 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2353 |
Michael |
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. |
| 13724 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Eww. I hate hospitals. In my mind they are associated with sickness. Oh... She looks like an angel. |
| 13725 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Kelly |
She looks awful. |
| 13726 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
No... OK, she always looks like that... That is not my fault. |
| 13727 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Jim |
I think she's awake. |
| 13728 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
No... She's in a coma. |
| 13729 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Nurse |
No. |
| 13730 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
OK... Meredith, Ooooohhhhh. I brought all your friends from the office dear. |
| 13731 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
At the same time. |
| 13732 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 13733 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Stanley |
Hello Meredith. |
| 13734 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
This is weird. |
| 13735 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Brought you some balloons. Why don't we... here you go. Tie these up, cheer up your tubes... Oh! Shhhh... For God's sake! |
| 13736 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Kevin |
Whoa! |
| 13737 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Nurse. |
| 13738 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
No don't bother the nurse, just put it back in. |
| 13739 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
I am going to be sick... I'm gonna puke. |
| 13740 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Jim |
I wouldn't... I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. |
| 13741 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Nurse |
What, what are you doing? Just gimme that. |
| 13742 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
Thanks. |
| 13743 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Phyllis |
Does it hurt terribly? |
| 13744 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers. |
| 13745 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Creed |
Oh really, what kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fentanyl, Oxycontin, Palladone? What... |
| 13746 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
I have no idea. |
| 13747 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Creed |
Oh. |
| 13748 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
Well it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. I'll see you guys at the office. |
| 13749 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Oh, OK... Wait up, wait up, guys guys guys, hold on a second. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody. |
| 13750 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
Michael, I'm not gonna do that. |
| 13751 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness. |
| 13752 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Angela |
No, that's not. That's next to cleanliness. |
| 13753 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Well, just shhhh... just just... |
| 13754 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
You cracked my pelvis |
| 13755 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug. |
| 13756 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Meredith |
You're not forgiven. |
| 13757 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 13758 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2354 |
Pam |
Michael! Michael! |
| 13759 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2355 |
Michael |
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised. |
| 13760 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Hey. |
| 13761 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
Hey monkey. |
| 13762 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Any problems? |
| 13763 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. |
| 13764 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
What!? |
| 13765 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
Sparkles, the white one, is dead. |
| 13766 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Sprinkles. |
| 13767 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
That was the sick one, right? |
| 13768 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time. |
| 13769 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 13770 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking? |
| 13771 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat. |
| 13772 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place. |
| 13773 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Angela |
Alright. |
| 13774 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2356 |
Dwight |
Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor. |
| 13775 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2357 |
Pam |
It's gonna be OK. |
| 13776 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2357 |
Michael |
OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just... |
| 13777 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2357 |
Pam |
Michael, Angela's cat died. |
| 13778 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2357 |
Michael |
Sprinkles? |
| 13779 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2357 |
Michael |
Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the p0rn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it. |
| 13780 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2358 |
Michael |
Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious. |
| 13781 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? |
| 13782 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Oscar |
Like what? |
| 13783 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us? |
| 13784 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Toby |
No, I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact I had some good luck recently, Alfredo's Pizza, picked my business card out of the basket, so... uh, I got a week of free pies. |
| 13785 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Pam |
That's cool. |
| 13786 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Toby |
Yeah. |
| 13787 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan. |
| 13788 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Angela |
Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God in your infinite wisdom how could you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. |
| 13789 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Dwight |
She's only a cat. |
| 13790 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Angela |
You never... you don't like them. |
| 13791 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Dwight |
Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. |
| 13792 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Oscar |
Dwight please! |
| 13793 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? |
| 13794 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Dwight |
No, I have not. |
| 13795 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects. |
| 13796 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Dwight |
I do not respect her, but I will go. |
| 13797 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. |
| 13798 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Toby |
Oh, Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs... |
| 13799 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite. |
| 13800 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Toby |
Alright, well then you can ask about religious beliefs. |
| 13801 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in. |
| 13802 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Stanley |
I'm... um, Catholic. |
| 13803 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 13804 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Darryl |
Presbyterian. |
| 13805 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 13806 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Pam |
Oh me too. |
| 13807 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Darryl |
Oh? |
| 13808 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Pam |
Same religion. |
| 13809 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Darryl |
Alright! |
| 13810 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Phyllis |
I'm a Lutheran and Bob's a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy. |
| 13811 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2359 |
Angela |
That's why we're cursed. |
| 13812 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2360 |
Creed |
I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader. |
| 13813 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Michael |
Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha. |
| 13814 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Kelly |
That's Buddhist. |
| 13815 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Michael |
Are you sure? |
| 13816 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Kelly |
No. |
| 13817 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Michael |
What are you? |
| 13818 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
IT Tech Guy |
Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion then I'm Sikh, but I also like Hip-hop and NPR, and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time. |
| 13819 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2361 |
Michael |
OK, 1 Sikh, and... |
| 13820 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2362 |
Dwight |
As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical. |
| 13821 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Dwight |
Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. |
| 13822 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Meredith |
Don't pull any plugs. |
| 13823 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Intern |
How are you doing Ms. Palmer? |
| 13824 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Meredith |
Better. |
| 13825 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Intern |
Excellent. |
| 13826 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Dwight |
Are you a doctor, or a male nurse? |
| 13827 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Intern |
Um... I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor, but... |
| 13828 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Dwight |
Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one. |
| 13829 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Intern |
Ah, so uh... so that is where her uterus went... Um, Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? |
| 13830 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Meredith |
Yes. Dwight here, trapped it in a bag against my head. |
| 13831 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Dwight |
Just doing my job. |
| 13832 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Intern |
It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon? |
| 13833 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2363 |
Meredith |
And a rat. Separate occasions. |
| 13834 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2364 |
Michael |
You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead. |
| 13835 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2364 |
Kelly |
If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now. |
| 13836 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2364 |
Michael |
Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine. |
| 13837 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2364 |
Jim |
I will do some research. |
| 13838 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2364 |
Pam |
I can help you with that. |
| 13839 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Dwight |
So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine. |
| 13840 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Michael |
Oh God, Rabies? |
| 13841 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13842 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Michael |
I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD? |
| 13843 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Dwight |
No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something. |
| 13844 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Michael |
This place is so cursed. |
| 13845 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Dwight |
Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw. |
| 13846 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Michael |
I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it. |
| 13847 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Jim |
Six of one, really. |
| 13848 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2365 |
Michael |
Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished. |
| 13849 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2366 |
Michael |
Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad? |
| 13850 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2367 |
Kevin |
Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste! |
| 13851 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2367 |
Pam |
I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it too is a camera crew, or my co-workers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. |
| 13852 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2368 |
Pam |
Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, Meredith Palmer memorial, celebrity rabies awareness, fun run race for the cure, this is Pam. |
| 13853 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2368 |
Michael |
Pro-Am. |
| 13854 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2368 |
Pam |
Pro-Am race for the... They hung up. |
| 13855 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2369 |
Michael |
A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that. |
| 13856 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Stanley |
No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime? |
| 13857 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far? |
| 13858 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Stanley |
Zero. |
| 13859 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00. |
| 13860 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Andy |
Isn't that your money? |
| 13861 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? |
| 13862 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Phyllis |
Oh, it's coming. |
| 13863 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. |
| 13864 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
Michael? |
| 13865 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 13866 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
You cannot make me run. |
| 13867 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 13868 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it. |
| 13869 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Alright, alright. |
| 13870 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
You didn't run for me... |
| 13871 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Shhh... |
| 13872 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
...when I thought I had skin cancer. |
| 13873 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. |
| 13874 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 13875 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant. |
| 13876 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Kevin |
I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. |
| 13877 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2370 |
Michael |
Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore. |
| 13878 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2371 |
Andy |
I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions. |
| 13879 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2372 |
Andy |
Hey Angela. Hey, um... I'm sorry about your cat. |
| 13880 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2373 |
Angela |
This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, just a couple of kittens out on the town. |
| 13881 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Angela |
Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. |
| 13882 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Pam |
What's wrong? |
| 13883 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Angela |
I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat. |
| 13884 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Pam |
Hmm... |
| 13885 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Angela |
When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds. |
| 13886 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Pam |
Ah. |
| 13887 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Angela |
Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy. |
| 13888 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Pam |
Angela, I'm sorry. |
| 13889 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Angela |
Did Roy ever kill one of your cats? |
| 13890 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2374 |
Pam |
I'm more of a dog person. |
| 13891 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Jim |
So what's your strategy for this race? |
| 13892 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Pam |
Well I'm gonna start fast. |
| 13893 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13894 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Pam |
Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle. |
| 13895 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Jim |
What? |
| 13896 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Pam |
Then I'm gonna end fast. |
| 13897 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Jim |
Why won't more people do that? |
| 13898 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Pam |
Cause they're just stupid. |
| 13899 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2375 |
Jim |
What? |
| 13900 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Jim |
Oh, ah... No that's not... I mean that wasn't, ah... |
| 13901 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Pam |
Yeah... That was um... |
| 13902 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Jim |
I mean I can see how it would seem a bit like we uh... How it looks like um... I mean now a days you can edit anything, right? I mean you can edit anything to look like um... anything. |
| 13903 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Pam |
Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... |
| 13904 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Jim |
Right! |
| 13905 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Pam |
... We're dating. |
| 13906 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Jim |
Wow! There it is. |
| 13907 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Pam |
Ah, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right? |
| 13908 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2376 |
Jim |
It is going really great. |
| 13909 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Dwight |
Oww! |
| 13910 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Angela |
Shut up. |
| 13911 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Dwight |
You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. |
| 13912 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Angela |
Oh, really? |
| 13913 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Dwight |
You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression. |
| 13914 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2377 |
Angela |
I'm not depressed I'm in grief. |
| 13915 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later? |
| 13916 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Pam |
Well a giant check costs about $200.00 to make up. I have a print shop standing by but... What do you think Michael, that's over 25% of our funds? |
| 13917 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So... |
| 13918 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
Yeah, I mean I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. |
| 13919 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Pam |
Giant check it is. |
| 13920 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 13921 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 13922 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Dwight |
Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control. |
| 13923 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
Bat birth control |
| 13924 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Dwight |
Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed. |
| 13925 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going? |
| 13926 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Pam |
Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700.00, or $500.00 if we go with the giant check. |
| 13927 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
Which we are. |
| 13928 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Pam |
And also there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. |
| 13929 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
What about a rabies nurse? |
| 13930 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Pam |
I don't think so. |
| 13931 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
You know what though, I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour, for parties and bachelor events. |
| 13932 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
That's possible. Look into that. |
| 13933 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Jim |
Great, it's gonna cost a couple a hundred buck and ah... oh actually more with tips. |
| 13934 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Dwight |
Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son. |
| 13935 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2378 |
Michael |
Have you met that kid? He's not going to college. |
| 13936 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Pam |
Michael, 5k means 5 kilometers, not 5 thousand miles. |
| 13937 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Michael |
Come in. |
| 13938 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 13939 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey |
| 13940 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Pam |
Oh my God. |
| 13941 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 13942 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Pam |
You said come in! |
| 13943 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Michael |
No I didn't, just please don't... |
| 13944 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2379 |
Pam |
Oh my God. |
| 13945 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
So I closed the door but the image of his... |
| 13946 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
Baquette. |
| 13947 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
... dangling participle... |
| 13948 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
Eww. |
| 13949 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
... still burned in my eyes. |
| 13950 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
I can imagine. |
| 13951 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
Come in. |
| 13952 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
May I enter the room? |
| 13953 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
Yes. Or come in. |
| 13954 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear. |
| 13955 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? |
| 13956 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that. |
| 13957 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark. |
| 13958 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
European offices are naked all the time. |
| 13959 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
They're so not. |
| 13960 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so... |
| 13961 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Pam |
I didn't see where it started but I saw where it ended. |
| 13962 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
Gross. |
| 13963 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Michael |
That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun. |
| 13964 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2380 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 13965 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2381 |
Pam |
They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on... or a funny coat. |
| 13966 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2382 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office, and not a French beach? |
| 13967 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Jan |
OK, name please. |
| 13968 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Creed |
Creed Bratton, 75 plus division. |
| 13969 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Jan |
You're over 75 years old? |
| 13970 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Creed |
82 November first. How much is the prize money? |
| 13971 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Jan |
There's no prize money. |
| 13972 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2383 |
Creed |
What, is any of this real? |
| 13973 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2384 |
Michael |
Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here? |
| 13974 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Jan |
So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. |
| 13975 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Pam |
What? Look, no it was not... |
| 13976 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Jan |
I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, OK? So hands off. |
| 13977 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Michael |
OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing. |
| 13978 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Darryl |
I'm giving him a peanut. |
| 13979 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Michael |
No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said? |
| 13980 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Darryl |
Look how happy he is. |
| 13981 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Michael |
He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here. |
| 13982 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Elizabeth |
Hello Michael. |
| 13983 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Michael |
Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth? |
| 13984 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Elizabeth |
Yeah. |
| 13985 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Michael |
Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands. |
| 13986 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2385 |
Elizabeth |
Great. |
| 13987 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2386 |
Michael |
You got it? |
| 13988 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2386 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. |
| 13989 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2386 |
Michael |
OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load. |
| 13990 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2387 |
Michael |
Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing. |
| 13991 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2387 |
Dwight |
On your marks, get set... |
| 13992 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2387 |
Michael |
Beow! |
| 13993 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2387 |
Toby |
Hey! |
| 13994 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2388 |
Michael |
On your left! |
| 13995 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2388 |
Oscar |
You're doing great Michael, look at you go! |
| 13996 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2388 |
Creed |
That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby! |
| 13997 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2388 |
Michael |
I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot. |
| 13998 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2389 |
Stanley |
Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. |
| 13999 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2390 |
Andy |
I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. |
| 14000 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2391 |
Pam |
Yeah. Oh we're in last place. |
| 14001 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2391 |
Jim |
Oh, would you look at that. |
| 14002 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2391 |
Pam |
Darn it. |
| 14003 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2392 |
Jan |
Water? Water? Water babe? |
| 14004 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2392 |
Michael |
No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity! |
| 14005 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2392 |
Jan |
Michael that's irrational. |
| 14006 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2393 |
Michael |
Rabies victims... have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So... least I could do. |
| 14007 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2394 |
Andy |
Oh God! My nipples, it's starting. |
| 14008 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Creed |
Can we get another round? |
| 14009 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Waitress |
OK. |
| 14010 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Creed |
Thanks. |
| 14011 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Stanley |
So we've got what, another 20 minutes? |
| 14012 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Oscar |
More or less. |
| 14013 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2395 |
Stanley |
Hmmm... |
| 14014 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2396 |
Michael |
That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. |
| 14015 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2396 |
Dwight |
You've got nothing to worry about, I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race. |
| 14016 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2396 |
Michael |
Excellent! ...Simpsons. Wait, Imodium or Ex-lax? |
| 14017 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2397 |
Toby |
I'm makin' great time. Usually I have to take a bathroom break half way through a race like this, but not today. |
| 14018 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Jim |
Ooo! An estate sale. Wanna go in? |
| 14019 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Pam |
I don't know I'm really committed to winning. |
| 14020 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Jim |
OK, but what if I told you all the money you spend here, goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured. |
| 14021 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Pam |
Mmm... Yes. |
| 14022 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Jim |
That's what I thought. |
| 14023 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 14024 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2398 |
Jim |
Right. Let's do some good. |
| 14025 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2399 |
Ryan |
for the cure... leave a message" Ryan hangs up] |
| 14026 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2400 |
Michael |
Oh God, Oh, alfredo sauce. I'm getting a stitch. |
| 14027 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2401 |
Andy |
Ah, God watch the nipples, Kevin. |
| 14028 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2401 |
Kevin |
Back off me. |
| 14029 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
How ya feeling, better? |
| 14030 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
No. |
| 14031 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
Well you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. |
| 14032 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
The vet is removing all of Sprinkles organs right now and sending them to the lab. |
| 14033 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
I am a farmer Angela. |
| 14034 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
What does that mean? |
| 14035 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
OK, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. |
| 14036 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
You did kill her!? |
| 14037 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
I... I sang her, her favorite songs. |
| 14038 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
You put her in my freezer. |
| 14039 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. |
| 14040 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
Well then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. |
| 14041 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
Well I'm not responsible for that! |
| 14042 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
You! |
| 14043 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
Hey, Oww! It's OK. |
| 14044 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
It's OK. |
| 14045 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
It's nothing, I'm robbing her. |
| 14046 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
It's nothing. |
| 14047 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
It's fine. What? |
| 14048 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
How could you do that without telling me? |
| 14049 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat, the best way I knew how. |
| 14050 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
Cat Heaven is a beautiful place, but you don't get there if you're euthanized. |
| 14051 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well he's not great, but he's pretty good. |
| 14052 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
You don't understand. |
| 14053 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Michael |
Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. |
| 14054 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Dwight |
Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. Huh, Angela? |
| 14055 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2402 |
Angela |
Don't touch me Dwight! |
| 14056 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2403 |
Pam |
You like it? It's kinda designy and cool, it was $8.00. |
| 14057 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2403 |
Jim |
Oh, and I get to carry it. |
| 14058 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2404 |
Toby |
And the winner is Toby Flenderson. |
| 14059 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2404 |
Kelly |
Have a seat, I'll write it down. |
| 14060 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2404 |
Toby |
Where are we? |
| 14061 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2404 |
Kelly |
I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office. |
| 14062 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2404 |
Toby |
He couldn't have made it a circle? |
| 14063 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2405 |
Michael |
I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies, rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it. |
| 14064 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
...talk about it. |
| 14065 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
Yeah probably. Hey, Michael? |
| 14066 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
What are you doing here? Did you come back for us, or... |
| 14067 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
I can't finish. I feel so weak, I just... |
| 14068 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
Well, you're probably dehydrated. |
| 14069 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
What do you want me to do Jim? |
| 14070 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
Glass of water would be a start. |
| 14071 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
No, There are people all over the world, who have all sorts of problems and afflictions, and diseases. They're deformed, and they're abnormal, and... they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it, I can't... you know. There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins. |
| 14072 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
Wow! You are a downer. We were having a pretty nice day. |
| 14073 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
I'm still having a nice day. |
| 14074 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Jim |
You are? |
| 14075 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
Yeah. Hey Michael, look at this lamp. $8.00. |
| 14076 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
That's a good deal. |
| 14077 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
And Michael, you don't have rabies. And chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. So... you don't really have to think about it too much. |
| 14078 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. |
| 14079 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. |
| 14080 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
You just don't think I am capable, of making a difference. |
| 14081 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Pam |
I know you Michael, I saw you naked. |
| 14082 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2406 |
Michael |
You don't, you don't know me. You've just seen my pen1s. I can make a difference, remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this... GD 5k No, no! |
| 14083 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2407 |
Michael |
Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water, than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit, well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart, and while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that. |
| 14084 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Meredith |
Hey Michael. |
| 14085 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Michael |
Hey Mer. How ya doing? |
| 14086 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Meredith |
Better. |
| 14087 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Michael |
It's ironic isn't it? I mean I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water, and you're in it for a disease that causes the fear of water. |
| 14088 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Meredith |
I'm in because you hit me with your car. But I wanted to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so I'm not mad at you anymore. |
| 14089 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Michael |
Thanks, I'm not mad at you anymore. Wanna share? |
| 14090 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Meredith |
Sure. |
| 14091 |
4 |
1 |
Fun Run (Parts 1&2) |
2408 |
Michael |
I'm not really sick. Nah, I'm good. |
| 14092 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 14093 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 14094 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Pam |
I gotcha one. |
| 14095 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Jim |
Oh wow, thank you. |
| 14096 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 14097 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Jim |
I'm just gonna grab some chips, you want some? |
| 14098 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Pam |
No. Thanks... uh we're still having lunch today, right? |
| 14099 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2409 |
Jim |
I guess. How dare you. |
| 14100 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Hey Toby. What's this? |
| 14101 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
Ohh. |
| 14102 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
I just want to remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA or public displays of affection. |
| 14103 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
Yes, uh some people in the office have complained... |
| 14104 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Oh really. |
| 14105 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
...about some other people engaging in PDA and, you know I just wanted to remind it's not appropriate to, to do that. |
| 14106 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Is this about me and Jan? In my office? Because I will have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don't think. I don't think anyone heard anything. We were very discreet and, and most people had left by that point. So I don't think it's any of your business. What I think you should do is roll up the memo, real tight... |
| 14107 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
Ok, look the memo is not about you... |
| 14108 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Angela |
For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity. |
| 14109 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
Alright everyone, look, it, alright my complaint was about Jim and Pam. So... |
| 14110 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
No way. |
| 14111 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 14112 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Phyllis |
You guys are together? |
| 14113 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Jim |
Ummm... yup. Yes, we are. |
| 14114 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Woooah! Wow! |
| 14115 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Andy |
Tuna! |
| 14116 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Awesome! |
| 14117 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Kevin |
I knew it! |
| 14118 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
You guys! Yes! Yes! |
| 14119 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Pam |
Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us? |
| 14120 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 14121 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
Oh kay, mind is exploding. Get over here. Come on. Come here. Okay, okay, stand up. OK, here we go. Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today, is the day that Jim and Pam become one. |
| 14122 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Jim |
Actually, we've been dating for a couple months. |
| 14123 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
I love you guys, so much. |
| 14124 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Jim |
Ohh.. |
| 14125 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Pam |
Phone's ringing. |
| 14126 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2410 |
Michael |
No, no, no Pam let 'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is really good, this is really good. My heart soars with the eagles nest. |
| 14127 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2411 |
Dwight |
I don't see it. I think they both could do better. |
| 14128 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2412 |
Angela |
It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress. |
| 14129 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2413 |
Andy |
Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office? |
| 14130 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Michael |
Hey. Can you make that straighter? That's what she said. |
| 14131 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Phyllis |
Did you plan it? |
| 14132 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Michael |
No. |
| 14133 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Pam |
Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally? |
| 14134 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Michael |
Blowing up balloons I thought. |
| 14135 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Pam |
You might want to trim it a little. |
| 14136 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Phyllis |
Michael... |
| 14137 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Kelly |
Oh, is... Ryan coming back today? |
| 14138 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Pam |
Yeah, he is. |
| 14139 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2414 |
Kelly |
Oh. |
| 14140 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2415 |
Michael |
Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream. |
| 14141 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
What do you want? |
| 14142 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Dwight |
To give you this . |
| 14143 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
Oh, what is that? |
| 14144 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Dwight |
It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed. |
| 14145 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
Her name was Sprinkles. |
| 14146 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Dwight |
And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage? |
| 14147 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles. Before she's even in the ground. |
| 14148 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Dwight |
You haven't buried her yet? |
| 14149 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
Don't rush me. I'm grieving. |
| 14150 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Dwight |
Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him. |
| 14151 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2416 |
Angela |
I don't want Garbage! I want Sprinkles! |
| 14152 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Pam |
Hey Toby. |
| 14153 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Toby |
Hey... you two. |
| 14154 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
Hey. So now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those 'we're dating' things for the company. |
| 14155 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Toby |
Oh well, you know, those were only for, you know relationships, so... if, if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really. |
| 14156 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 14157 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Pam |
Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official. |
| 14158 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Toby |
Uh huh. |
| 14159 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
Sorry, uh do we need to sign one, or...? |
| 14160 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Toby |
Let's just wait and see what happens. You know? |
| 14161 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
What? |
| 14162 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Toby |
Let's just wait. |
| 14163 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
Oh, OK. |
| 14164 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 14165 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2417 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 14166 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Pam |
Hey Ryan. Welcome back -- |
| 14167 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Hold on one second. Hey Pam! It's great to see you. Is Michael in? |
| 14168 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 14169 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 14170 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
There he is! There he is! He's back! And he's with a beard. He... He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello, Mr. Sunny Crockett. I'm Tubs. |
| 14171 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
OK. Should we get started? |
| 14172 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Ohh, yeah, let's get started because uh, yes, cause uh this is very serious business and umm.. |
| 14173 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Yep, exactly. This is a business meeting. |
| 14174 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
...business meeting -- |
| 14175 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Kevin |
Fire! |
| 14176 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Stop that! Stop that! |
| 14177 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
That's right! That's right! |
| 14178 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
You scared me. |
| 14179 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan. |
| 14180 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Andy |
Fire guy |
| 14181 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Kevin |
You weren't here for that. |
| 14182 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Andy |
Here for what? |
| 14183 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Kevin |
When he started the fire. |
| 14184 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man... |
| 14185 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Kevin |
Little old man boy. |
| 14186 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Michael and everybody, umm... |
| 14187 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Beard. |
| 14188 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Kevin |
Bearded man boy. |
| 14189 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan. |
| 14190 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Oh, wow! |
| 14191 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
So... |
| 14192 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way. |
| 14193 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
OK... |
| 14194 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Woooo! I think Ryan has a gay crush on me. |
| 14195 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand? |
| 14196 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Yes, everybody, come on. Settle town. Let's get serious here. Um Ryan, has a very special, important presentation to do, which we will be doing in the conference room in 10 minutes? |
| 14197 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Ryan |
Perfect. |
| 14198 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2418 |
Michael |
Sounds good. OK, alright. |
| 14199 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2419 |
Michael |
Yeah, Ryan snapped at me, but there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words. |
| 14200 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2420 |
Ryan |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains. |
| 14201 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2421 |
Jim |
Wait a second. Last time I checked, Dunder Mifflin already has a website. And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. |
| 14202 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use. |
| 14203 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Michael |
OOhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. |
| 14204 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions? Dwight? |
| 14205 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Dwight |
What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless? |
| 14206 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
This is company-wide, Dwight. |
| 14207 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Dwight |
Got it. |
| 14208 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
Andy. |
| 14209 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Andy |
We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together? |
| 14210 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
Any other questions? Kelly Kapoor. |
| 14211 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Kelly |
Can we speak privately about our relationship? |
| 14212 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
Thank you everybody. |
| 14213 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Michael |
Ryan Howard everybody. Good job. |
| 14214 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Creed |
That's some fun stuff. When does the website go up? |
| 14215 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Ryan |
As fast as possible. We want to start retraining people A.S.A.P., so we can hit the ground running with a new system. |
| 14216 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2422 |
Creed |
Cool beans. |
| 14217 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2423 |
Creed |
We're screwed. |
| 14218 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2423 |
Michael |
Who is? |
| 14219 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2423 |
Creed |
Us? You and me. The old timers. |
| 14220 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2423 |
Michael |
I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred. |
| 14221 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2423 |
Creed |
You're over 40, that's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system. Youth. I'm telling you this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners. |
| 14222 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months. |
| 14223 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Pam |
No.. |
| 14224 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
Swear to God. . Aww this is great. I was actually gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun. |
| 14225 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Pam |
No, they have been dating for like two years. Since before your barbeque. |
| 14226 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
Wait. What? You knew? And you didn't say anything? |
| 14227 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Pam |
You didn't say anything to me? |
| 14228 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
Fair enough. Wow! We should have started dating like a long time ago. |
| 14229 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Pam |
Can you believe that... |
| 14230 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Phyllis |
Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here. |
| 14231 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
Oh no, we're just sitting here. |
| 14232 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Phyllis |
I couldn't see your hands. Hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, OK? |
| 14233 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 14234 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Phyllis |
OK. |
| 14235 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2424 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 14236 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2425 |
Jim |
And... that is why we waited so long to tell people. |
| 14237 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Ryan |
OK, what's up? |
| 14238 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Michael |
Yeah, kay. I was just... After the presentation, just wanted to make sure, that vis-a-vie, that everything in the office is business as usual? |
| 14239 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Ryan |
Well it is business, but not as usual. |
| 14240 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know I understand... we're making great strides and we're updating, but business as usual, no? |
| 14241 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Ryan |
No. We're throwing out the entire playbook, we're starting from scratch, we're implementing a brand new system. |
| 14242 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Michael |
Good, so, we're on the same page? |
| 14243 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2426 |
Ryan |
No. We're not. Michael, I know exactly how much time and man power are wasted in this branch. This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient. You need to prepare yourself. |
| 14244 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2427 |
Michael |
We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that's who I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans. |
| 14245 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Ryan |
So, how are you? |
| 14246 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Kelly |
Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys. |
| 14247 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Ryan |
Good. |
| 14248 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Kelly |
A lot. Black guys mostly. |
| 14249 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Ryan |
Kelly... |
| 14250 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2428 |
Kelly |
What?! |
| 14251 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Phyllis |
Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time? |
| 14252 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Stanley |
I don't know. |
| 14253 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Phyllis |
Did you even try? |
| 14254 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Stanley |
If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him. |
| 14255 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Phyllis |
I can't see half of the things. |
| 14256 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2429 |
Stanley |
It's too little. Use the phone. |
| 14257 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2430 |
Kelly |
I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want. |
| 14258 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2430 |
Ryan |
Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend. |
| 14259 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2430 |
Kelly |
Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me. |
| 14260 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2430 |
Ryan |
I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship. |
| 14261 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2430 |
Kelly |
Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant. |
| 14262 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2431 |
Kelly |
And guess what buddy, I am keeping it. |
| 14263 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2431 |
Ryan |
OK. OK. |
| 14264 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2431 |
Kelly |
Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby? |
| 14265 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2431 |
Ryan |
I can... I can't talk about this right now, OK? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, OK? |
| 14266 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2432 |
Kelly |
We have a date! |
| 14267 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 14268 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Angela |
Hello, Dwight. I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight? |
| 14269 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 14270 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 14271 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Dwight |
I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side. |
| 14272 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2433 |
Angela |
I would prefer a public place. See you after work. |
| 14273 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Hi, Pam. |
| 14274 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 14275 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Is Michael in? |
| 14276 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Pam |
In his office. You can go right in. |
| 14277 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Hey. |
| 14278 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
Jan. |
| 14279 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Ryan. Ryan. Ryan, Ryan. |
| 14280 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
So elephant in the room, I have your old job. |
| 14281 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Well, not exactly my job... I had a different title. |
| 14282 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
Oh well, excuse me, same office, same responsibilities. |
| 14283 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Different salary. You'll get there, don't worry. |
| 14284 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
Well... you look great. |
| 14285 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Thank you, thank you. |
| 14286 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
Scranton suits you. |
| 14287 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Best decision I ever made. |
| 14288 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Ryan |
You were let go. |
| 14289 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
You know what? I love the beard. Keep it forever. |
| 14290 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 14291 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2434 |
Jan |
Hey. |
| 14292 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
Hey, what is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles? |
| 14293 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
What? |
| 14294 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
I don't want to grow weird sperm in case we ever want to have kids. |
| 14295 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
So, what's Ryan doing here? |
| 14296 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
Oh, I dunno, they're launching a big new business plan. New website, blah blah blah. He's being a real twerp about it, so, it's all about youth, and agility and streamlining and trying to squeeze out the older people. |
| 14297 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
He's such a snake. |
| 14298 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 14299 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
I hope he's gets hit with an ageism suit. |
| 14300 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
What is that... word? |
| 14301 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
Ageism? Companies they can't discriminate against people due to old age. Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off. |
| 14302 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Michael |
So older people have just as many rights as younger people? |
| 14303 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2435 |
Jan |
Yes, Michael, they do. |
| 14304 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2436 |
Oscar |
Creed? |
| 14305 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2436 |
Creed |
Yes, sir. |
| 14306 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2436 |
Oscar |
Everything OK? |
| 14307 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2436 |
Creed |
Everything's cool, dude. |
| 14308 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2437 |
Creed |
I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty. |
| 14309 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
Is there another meeting scheduled, I was gonna do the Blackberry tutorial in here. |
| 14310 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Pam |
Michael told us to wait in here. We don't know why. |
| 14311 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
Ohh... man. |
| 14312 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Good, we're all here, we can get started. |
| 14313 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
Michael. |
| 14314 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Have a seat. |
| 14315 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
We're not doing this today. |
| 14316 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Have a seat. Like everybody else. |
| 14317 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
OK. This is... |
| 14318 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Still my office, Ryan. Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well, new ideas are fine, but they are also... illegal, because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right. Did you know that the Age Discrimination and Employment Act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees 40 years of age or older? I did. |
| 14319 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Toby |
Technically, he's right. |
| 14320 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Hey, shut up Toby. Look, why do we as a society hate old people so much? |
| 14321 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Creed |
Because they're lame. |
| 14322 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
No, Creed, no they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability. Like the old lady from Titanic. Or the funny things that they can do, like "where's the Beef?" Yeah. |
| 14323 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Jim |
Why do you have the Big picture up again? You used that already, when you burned your foot. |
| 14324 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Pam |
Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too. |
| 14325 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
I was going to put up some new pictures, but umm, all of the ink in the printer was gone. |
| 14326 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 14327 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Robert Dunder |
Michael Scott? |
| 14328 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
That is me. Come on in. Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder. Huh? |
| 14329 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Dwight |
Oh, yeah. Yes! |
| 14330 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Robert Dunder |
Thank you everyone. |
| 14331 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Ryan |
Michael, can I talk to you a second? |
| 14332 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2438 |
Michael |
Sure thing. 'Scuse me. |
| 14333 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2439 |
Ryan |
We have actual work to do. |
| 14334 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2439 |
Michael |
Fine. Then I will call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt. |
| 14335 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2440 |
Michael |
Bob, how old are you? |
| 14336 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2440 |
Robert Dunder |
I'm 87. |
| 14337 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2440 |
Michael |
Eighty-seven years young. And still active. That is great. Did you know, that Bob is still a member of the Board of Dunder Mifflin? |
| 14338 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2440 |
Robert Dunder |
Well, I, I, I haven't been to a board meeting in years. I, I send a proxy. |
| 14339 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2440 |
Michael |
Ah, still sends his own proxy. Good for you. |
| 14340 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2441 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation. |
| 14341 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
I started this company in 1949. |
| 14342 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 14343 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
Back then, it was an uh, an industrial supplier of metal brackets mostly for, for construction. |
| 14344 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Oh, boy. |
| 14345 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later... Uh, but I knew Mifflin through the Rotary Club. |
| 14346 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Great. |
| 14347 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
And he was, he was at dinner with Beverly and her husband, wha-what was his name, umm... uhh... Jerry.. Jerry Trupiano from, from South Jersey and he was tall. Both he and Mifflin were tall guys. |
| 14348 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Great. |
| 14349 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
And... |
| 14350 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
That's great. Thank you for coming in. Robert Dunder everybody. Thank you. That was wonderful. Do you have a ride? |
| 14351 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
Well I, I, I came here in a cab. |
| 14352 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Perfect. |
| 14353 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Robert Dunder |
Well, cou, could you get me another... |
| 14354 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
Inspirational. What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, because it's illegal, and you will go to jail. |
| 14355 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Pam |
I think that I should help him get home. |
| 14356 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2442 |
Michael |
No, No. Don't help him. He doesn't need help, Pam. What a nice guy. |
| 14357 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Michael |
Good night guys. |
| 14358 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Ryan |
Well, today was a fantastic waste of time. |
| 14359 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Michael |
I disagree, I think it was very valuable. |
| 14360 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Ryan |
Michael, technology helps business OK? You should not resist it, this is the way the world is moving. |
| 14361 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Michael |
I happen to think the old ways of doing business are better. And I can prove it. |
| 14362 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Ryan |
Ok. I look forward to hearing your ideas. Where do you wanna go? |
| 14363 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Kelly |
You know, some place romantic and expensive. |
| 14364 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Ryan |
Kelly, come on. |
| 14365 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2443 |
Kelly |
You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it. |
| 14366 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles? |
| 14367 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
Very much. How's your meat? |
| 14368 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
Dry. Delicious. |
| 14369 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
I heard a joke today. |
| 14370 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's funny. |
| 14371 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
Yes, it was. |
| 14372 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
Are you enjoying your mineral water? |
| 14373 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body. |
| 14374 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here , it's an old sales trick. |
| 14375 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could. |
| 14376 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Dwight |
No, please don't do this, monkey. |
| 14377 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2444 |
Angela |
I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning. |
| 14378 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
Hey guys. This is my, uh, girlfriend, Amy. |
| 14379 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 14380 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Jim |
Hey, Amy. How ya doing? |
| 14381 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Pam |
Nice to meet you. |
| 14382 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Jim |
Nice to meet you. |
| 14383 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
This is everybody else... okay... This is the place... so thanks for the lift. |
| 14384 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Amy |
Yeah, sure. I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight, right? |
| 14385 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
Absolutely. |
| 14386 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Amy |
Whoa. Easy tiger. |
| 14387 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
I just really like you. |
| 14388 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Amy |
Okay. Bye guys. Nice to meet you. |
| 14389 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
Have a great day! |
| 14390 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Pam |
Whoa, Toby. Watch out. You're going to violate your own PDA memo. |
| 14391 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2445 |
Toby |
I wouldn't want to do that now would I? |
| 14392 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2446 |
Michael |
Smell that. Do you smell that? |
| 14393 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2446 |
Dwight |
Dry rot? |
| 14394 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2446 |
Michael |
No, Dwight. That smells like good business to me. What I have done here is I have collected all the finest gourmet items that Scranton has to offer. |
| 14395 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2446 |
Andy |
Mmhmm, sweet, chocolate turtles. |
| 14396 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2446 |
Michael |
Yes, no! No, those are for our clients. Actually, our exclients. I'll explain, later. |
| 14397 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2447 |
Michael |
Ryan wants everything in our company to be about emails and IM's, but I think he's forgetting about the original instant message. Letters attatched to baskets of food. |
| 14398 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked me to turn in these reciepts for these gift basket items. |
| 14399 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 14400 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Dwight |
You're welcome. |
| 14401 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Angela |
Is that all? |
| 14402 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Dwight |
Yes... I miss you. |
| 14403 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2448 |
Angela |
Elevators. |
| 14404 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2449 |
Angela |
Dwight, you have to listen to me! We are not seeing each other anymore! Can you accept that? |
| 14405 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2449 |
Dwight |
Fine. Then I just want to be friends. |
| 14406 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2449 |
Angela |
Good. |
| 14407 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2449 |
Dwight |
Plus a little extra. Also, I love you. |
| 14408 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Kelly |
I don't understand what the big deal is. |
| 14409 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Ryan |
You don't? |
| 14410 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Kelly |
No! |
| 14411 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Ryan |
You lied about being pregnant. |
| 14412 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Kelly |
Right, so? |
| 14413 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Ryan |
You really don't understand why that might make me kind of angry? |
| 14414 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Kelly |
No! |
| 14415 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Ryan |
We're never getting back together. |
| 14416 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2450 |
Kelly |
Why not? |
| 14417 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 14418 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 14419 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
Alright I just have to ask now that we're public, um, is the magic gone? |
| 14420 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
It's funny you bring that up because yes it is. |
| 14421 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
I knew it. Oh man, just like that huh? |
| 14422 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
I think... I mean, I don't know what it is but... |
| 14423 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
Be honest. |
| 14424 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
I now find you repulsive. |
| 14425 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
That's honest. Alright, fair enough. It was really fun while it lasted though, wasn't it? |
| 14426 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
Eh... |
| 14427 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
For me, it was. |
| 14428 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 14429 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2451 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 14430 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2452 |
Michael |
Hey boss, I didn't know you were coming in today. |
| 14431 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2452 |
Ryan |
What's, uh, going on here? |
| 14432 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2452 |
Michael |
I am glad that you asked, listen up everybody. In the last year, we have lost seven clients to the big chains. These gift baskets are our ticket back into their lives. We are going to show up at these businesses unannounced, and we are going to win them back. |
| 14433 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2452 |
Ryan |
With gift baskets. |
| 14434 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2452 |
Michael |
With peanut brittle, with macadamia nut cookies, with chocolate turtles, with raspberry jam and a little bit of fat and salt because you know what? That's what people like. |
| 14435 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2453 |
Michael |
Ever since I was a kid people have been telling me I can't do things. "You can't be on the team", "You can't move on to second grade". Well, now they're telling me that I can't win back clients using old fashioned business methods. We'll see about that. And FYI, I eventually aced second grade, and I was the biggest kid in class. |
| 14436 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
OK. We're gonna split up into teams. Jim, Phyllis. Stanley, Dwight. Me Andy. |
| 14437 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Stanley |
I'm not driving with him. |
| 14438 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Andy |
I'll go with you Stanley. |
| 14439 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Stanley |
Or him. |
| 14440 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Jim |
Why don't we just go by ourselves? |
| 14441 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
Why don't we just go as teams to demonstrate our teamsmanship? |
| 14442 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Phyllis |
Michael. |
| 14443 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 14444 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Phyllis |
This is stupid. |
| 14445 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
OK, that's not helpful Phyllis. |
| 14446 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Phyllis |
How is giving people gift baskets going to get our clients back? |
| 14447 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are... the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can recieve. |
| 14448 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Andy |
What about cash? With cash you can buy anything you want, including a gift basket, so... it's kind of the best gift ever. |
| 14449 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Jim |
What about a gift basket full of cash? |
| 14450 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Andy |
Yes! Cash basket! Nice work Tuna. |
| 14451 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
Fine, I'm just going to go by myself, and I am going to win them back by myself because this is important to me. |
| 14452 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Dwight |
Michael, wait. Let me go. |
| 14453 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
No, this is my quest. |
| 14454 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Dwight |
Please, let me go. I need to win those clients back. Please. |
| 14455 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
Fine. Then God speed. To both of us. |
| 14456 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Ryan |
Good luck Michael. |
| 14457 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
We don't need luck. |
| 14458 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 14459 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Michael |
But thank you, that was really nice of you to say. |
| 14460 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2454 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 14461 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2455 |
Michael |
Business to business. The old fasioned way. No Blackberrys, no websites. I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people. |
| 14462 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2456 |
Ryan |
Yes, I understand that David. I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly and then outsource customer service to India which a lot of companies... Yeah, no, yes Kelly is Indian... I understand that's confusing. |
| 14463 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2456 |
Creed |
Hey brah, I've been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later skater. |
| 14464 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Dwight |
Sweet ride, American made. What happened to the Sebring? |
| 14465 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Michael |
It is in the body shop. Had to have the dent taken out of the hood where I hit Meredith. |
| 14466 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Dwight |
Ah, that's a pain in the ass. |
| 14467 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Michael |
I know. So who's next? |
| 14468 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Dwight |
Larry Myers. Left us six months ago for Office Depot. |
| 14469 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
GPS |
Proceed to the highlighted route, then route guidence will begin. |
| 14470 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Dwight |
Why do you use that thing? Let's them know where you are at all times. |
| 14471 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 14472 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2457 |
Dwight |
The government, spy satellites, private detectives... exgirlfriends. |
| 14473 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Ryan |
Next night, I'm out, at a bar, 2 AM, I figure I'll get a sandwich because you can get a sandwich any time of the night. I run into Vince Vaughn. |
| 14474 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
No way! |
| 14475 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Ryan |
Literally. |
| 14476 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Andy |
Dude, you are so money, but you don't even know it, but you do. |
| 14477 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Ryan |
... Later guys. |
| 14478 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
Yeah, later dude. |
| 14479 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Andy |
Later man. |
| 14480 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
Oh, Jim! How awesome is Ryan now? |
| 14481 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Jim |
Yeah, he's definitely something. |
| 14482 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
What does that mean? |
| 14483 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Jim |
That whole lifestyle, his whole vibe, you find that appealing? |
| 14484 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Andy |
Ha! Tuna... Tuna Tuna Tuna. |
| 14485 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
Tuna Tuna Tuna. |
| 14486 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Andy |
He has a killer job, he's rich, he smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like, he wears really cool rich guy clothes. |
| 14487 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
And he can get any girl that he wants. |
| 14488 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Andy |
So, sorry Tuna but if you don't know why that's awesome... then... you need awesome lessons. |
| 14489 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2458 |
Kevin |
Tuna. Check you later. |
| 14490 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Wow, those things are heavy! There's a lot of stuff in there. We have macadamia nut cookies, um, the honey mustard pretzels. Have you ever tried focaccia crisps? |
| 14491 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
You know we closed our account with you right? |
| 14492 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Yes we do. |
| 14493 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
We're with Office Depot now. |
| 14494 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Dwight |
Yes, yes we know but we just have not gotten over you. |
| 14495 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 14496 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Dwight |
And we are dedicated to providing you with the very best customer service, the very best personal business relationship we can if you ever decide to come back to us. |
| 14497 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 14498 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
OK. I don't think we're coming back. |
| 14499 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Dwight |
Please, come back. |
| 14500 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
OK, you know what? Just enjoy the gift basket and remember that we provide a personal touch. |
| 14501 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Dwight |
Remember what we had Larry? |
| 14502 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
I mean, really it's about money. |
| 14503 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Well just, uh enjoy the gift basket. |
| 14504 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
OK thanks. |
| 14505 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 14506 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2459 |
Larry Myers |
I mean their website is really easy to use too. That's a big deal for us. |
| 14507 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Michael |
That guy was so... how can they not know how much better we are? |
| 14508 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Dwight |
I don't know. Sometimes people are just impossible and they make you miserable. |
| 14509 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Michael |
That is true. |
| 14510 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Dwight |
Like Angela in accounting. |
| 14511 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Michael |
Yes, she is nuts. |
| 14512 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Dwight |
Ugh... no, she's wonderful... at accounting. But she drives me crazy. |
| 14513 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
GPS |
Make the next right turn. |
| 14514 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2460 |
Michael |
How do they know? How does this know where to turn? That's very impressive. |
| 14515 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Ryan |
Hey Pam. I haven't settled on our final design logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity and I know you're into graphic design. Do you want to give it a shot? Maybe try and deisgn the logo? |
| 14516 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Pam |
Uh totally. |
| 14517 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Ryan |
Cool, that would be great. Um, can you do a couple mock ups and I'll take a look? |
| 14518 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 14519 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Ryan |
Thank you very much. |
| 14520 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 14521 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Ryan |
Cool. |
| 14522 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2461 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 14523 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2462 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'm gonna do some mock ups, and then turn those into thumbnails, maybe do some... splash frames. I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm excited. |
| 14524 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
And the last guy says "No, hairy body". |
| 14525 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
You know I have heard it before. |
| 14526 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Ah, well it's still very good. I bet I know someone who hasn't heard that joke... your daughter Emily. How's she doing? |
| 14527 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
She's great, thanks for asking. Great memory. |
| 14528 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
She's gonna be like eleven this winter? Wow, they grow up so fast. I have a few of my own that I want some day. Listen, I don't want to take any more of your time, I know you're a very busy man. The reason we have stopped by is to drop you off this elaborate bag of goodies, and to ask you to reconsider. |
| 14529 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
Oh, OK. |
| 14530 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
OK, OK! So you'll reconsider? |
| 14531 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
OK thanks for the goodies. |
| 14532 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Ah... .is that all you have to say? |
| 14533 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
It looks delicious? I don't know. |
| 14534 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Dwight |
You don't know? |
| 14535 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Look, we want you back. |
| 14536 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
Can you offer lower prices? |
| 14537 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Well, no. |
| 14538 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
Then we're not coming back. |
| 14539 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Dwight |
He's not coming back, it's over Michael. |
| 14540 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
No it's not. |
| 14541 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
No he's right. |
| 14542 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Dwight |
Accept it, why would he come back? |
| 14543 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Why would he come back? I will tell you, Dwight. He would come back because we offer a wide selection of products and because you're definitely not getting the same sort of customer service that you get with us. |
| 14544 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Dwight |
That's not gonna change his mind. He's moving on. We had our chance and we killed it. |
| 14545 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Look... we're also coming out with a website soon. It's a state of the art thing, it'll be up and running, it's gonna cut costs and it will make ordering much much easier. |
| 14546 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
Oh, OK. Well when it's up, I'll check it out, and if it really cuts costs maybe we'll come back. |
| 14547 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
Great, the magic of the gift basket. |
| 14548 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Ex-client |
That I don't care about as much. Let me know when the site's up. |
| 14549 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2463 |
Michael |
OK, good. Don't let Emily have any of the cajun almonds, she's alergic. |
| 14550 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
GPS |
Proceed straight. |
| 14551 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
Well we're O for six. Last chance is the Elmhurst country club. Other side of the lake, on the southeast side. |
| 14552 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
I don't get it, I really don't get it. I thought this would work. I do everything I had at that guy and nothing. |
| 14553 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything and everything falls apart and eventually you die and no one remembers you. |
| 14554 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
That is a very good point, Dwight. |
| 14555 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
GPS |
Make a right turn. |
| 14556 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
Wait wait wait! No no no! It means bear right, up there. |
| 14557 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
No, it said right, it said take a right. |
| 14558 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
No no no, look, it means go up to the right, bare right, over the bridge and hook up with 307. |
| 14559 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
Maybe it's a shortcut Dwight. It said go to the right. |
| 14560 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
It can't mean that! There's a lake there! |
| 14561 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
The machine knows where it is going! |
| 14562 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
This is the lake! |
| 14563 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
The machine knows--- stop yelling at me! |
| 14564 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
No, it's--- there's no road here! |
| 14565 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
Remain calm! I have trained for this! Okay, exit the window! Here we go! Look out for leeches! Are you okay?! Swim for it! I got you! Michael! Michael! |
| 14566 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Michael |
Let go, let go of me! |
| 14567 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2464 |
Dwight |
I got you, I got you! |
| 14568 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2465 |
Michael |
You sure you're OK? |
| 14569 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2465 |
Dwight |
Fine. |
| 14570 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2465 |
Michael |
Good, that is what's most important. |
| 14571 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2465 |
Dwight |
Did you get the rental insurance? Because that is pretty important too at a time like this. |
| 14572 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Michael |
What a disaster, this whole thing. |
| 14573 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Dwight |
I'll call a cab. |
| 14574 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Michael |
These people just don't realize what a gift basket means, they don't get it. |
| 14575 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Dwight |
Look at that, still works. Old fashioned cell phone. |
| 14576 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Michael |
What about that last guy, Aaron? Is he a jerk. "I don't even know if I want it. They're website is so easy". Yeah, well, you can have your technology jackass, look where it got us. |
| 14577 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Dwight |
Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton, at the end of East Mountain Road, in the lake. |
| 14578 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Michael |
Hang up. You know what we're gonna do? We're walking back. We're walking back to that office and we're gonna reclaim our gift basket! |
| 14579 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 14580 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Michael |
We're gonna take what's rightfully ours! We're gonna take a stand, Dwight! We're gonna take a stand! |
| 14581 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2466 |
Dwight |
Take a stand! |
| 14582 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
So place it on the infinity thing without being obvious, you know? I'd love to do like a color version just to bring a little color to the logo. |
| 14583 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
I like it a lot. It's clear and subtle at the same time. It's really good, you have a real talent for this stuff. |
| 14584 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 14585 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
I'd love to talk to you about it more. |
| 14586 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
That'd be great. |
| 14587 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
Do you want to go out to dinner tonight? |
| 14588 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
Oh... is it... |
| 14589 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
Wear something nice. |
| 14590 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
No... |
| 14591 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 14592 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
Um... |
| 14593 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
I just... I just wanted to have dinner. |
| 14594 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
I'm uh, I'm dating Jim. |
| 14595 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
You're kidding? |
| 14596 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
We're together. |
| 14597 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
That's... great, I... that's awesome. |
| 14598 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
Yeah, great. |
| 14599 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
So let me um, let me look at these. |
| 14600 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
OK great! |
| 14601 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Ryan |
Cool. |
| 14602 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2467 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 14603 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2468 |
Jim |
I guess he can't get any girl he wants. |
| 14604 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Did you forget something? What happened to you guys? |
| 14605 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
Give it back. The gift basket, give it back. |
| 14606 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Oh what is this? |
| 14607 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Dwight |
It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket. |
| 14608 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Maybe you should leave. |
| 14609 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
Yeah, maybe we should, maybe we should leave. Come on, let's leave, but before we leave my wet friend and I are going to wait for our cabs on yours nice couches! |
| 14610 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Dwight |
Can you call us a cab please, I'm gonna Oops, sorry! |
| 14611 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
Look, my clothes are so wet! |
| 14612 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Dwight |
Nice leather, oh my shoes are so muddy! |
| 14613 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Alright here you go, take it back! |
| 14614 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
It's been opened. |
| 14615 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Yeah it was mine! |
| 14616 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
What's missing... the turtles. Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles? |
| 14617 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
Come on guys, get out of here! |
| 14618 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Michael |
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES? WHERE ARE THEY? |
| 14619 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Dwight |
Excuse me I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with peacons, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now! |
| 14620 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Ex-client |
I ate them OK, I ate the turtles, they're gone! |
| 14621 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2469 |
Dwight |
We'll bill you. |
| 14622 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Michael |
May I have your attention please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now. |
| 14623 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Ryan |
That is not correct. |
| 14624 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Michael |
Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well guess what? I just drove my car into a lake. |
| 14625 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Oscar |
You did what? |
| 14626 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Michael |
I drove my car into a lake. Why you may ask did I do this? Well, because of a machine. A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it! I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology, and look where it got me. |
| 14627 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Jim |
Into a lake. |
| 14628 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Michael |
Exactly! |
| 14629 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Phyllis |
Did you get any clients back? |
| 14630 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2470 |
Michael |
Maybe, maybe not, time will tell. But I will tell you one thing. Those gift baskets never endangered anybody's lives. Game set match... point... Scott... game over... end of game. |
| 14631 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2471 |
Michael |
Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy. |
| 14632 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2472 |
Ryan |
I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise... but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. ... It was two hundred dollars. |
| 14633 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Ryan |
You should come visit. The city is... amazing. |
| 14634 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Jim |
I know. I love it there. |
| 14635 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Ryan |
No. You don't know until you live there. There's something about waking up every morning and just being in that city. |
| 14636 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Jim |
Mmhmm, yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun. |
| 14637 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Ryan |
No. You can't imagine it, though. The energy when you're actually there. You're just part of something bigger than you, that's moving faster than you. Your dreams are... . it just... everything feels so limitless. |
| 14638 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Jim |
Sounds great. |
| 14639 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Ryan |
No. It... eh... you can't... it's not about how it sounds. |
| 14640 |
4 |
3 |
Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) |
2473 |
Jim |
Yeee... (grunts in frustration) |
| 14641 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2474 |
Michael |
And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They are unreadable. They're just numbers and boring and blech. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic, like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud? And... when we have a good quarter, fireworks? Or a racecar? Doesn't have to be a racecar. Use your imagination. |
| 14642 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2475 |
Jim |
There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day, and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it. |
| 14643 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2476 |
Pam |
I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it! |
| 14644 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
We have a lot of colored paper here... why oh why do we keep printing this on white? |
| 14645 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Andy |
Dah! Come on! |
| 14646 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
Yeah! I know. I know. It's bland. |
| 14647 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Oscar |
It's never gonna happen. |
| 14648 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Kevin |
Dude, you gotta believe. |
| 14649 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
Maybe, we could have some sort of riddle? |
| 14650 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Jim |
Wait for it. |
| 14651 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
Like, something that you have to look for. Sort of a "Where's Waldo." |
| 14652 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Everyone |
Oh! Yes! |
| 14653 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
Alright. Alright. Let's quit while we're ahead. |
| 14654 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Kevin |
That was so awesome. |
| 14655 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2477 |
Michael |
That was awesome. Thank you. |
| 14656 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2478 |
Michael |
Some days I am just on fire. What can I say? |
| 14657 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
Hey... there he is. |
| 14658 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Hey Meredith, how you feelin'? |
| 14659 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
I never thanked you for coming to the hospital. |
| 14660 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well we all came, so... |
| 14661 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
Well, I really appreciate you coming. I'm singling you ouuuut. |
| 14662 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Haha... |
| 14663 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
Anyway, I have this Sharpie... |
| 14664 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Uh-huh. |
| 14665 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
And I was wondering if you could sign my cast? |
| 14666 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
MmmHmm... |
| 14667 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
Can you write where I can read it? |
| 14668 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. |
| 14669 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Meredith |
I'll read this when I get home. |
| 14670 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2479 |
Jim |
Alright... |
| 14671 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Pam |
Michael? This is the press release I was telling you about. Ryan wants you to share it with everyone. |
| 14672 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Michael |
Oh, does he? |
| 14673 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Pam |
He does. |
| 14674 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Michael |
Mmmmmm. Okay. Attention. Earthlings. I have some news. Beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep. Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an interesting anectdote that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you. |
| 14675 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Jim |
Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us? |
| 14676 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2480 |
Michael |
And... today the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website officially launches. |
| 14677 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2481 |
Michael |
Well the website is the brain-child of my brain-child, Ryan. It is my brain-grandchild. And, uh, to celebrate it's birth, all of the different branches are going to have satellite parties, which will be connected via web-cams and fibers to the real party, which is going on in New York City at uh, a very exclusive nightclub, and that is where all of the VIP's, including yours truly, will be partying with uh New York City's finest, and I do not mean policemen... |
| 14678 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Michael |
The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight. |
| 14679 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website. |
| 14680 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Jim |
Actually it sounds like you are. |
| 14681 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
Really? 'Cause Ryan says so? |
| 14682 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Kelly |
If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody? |
| 14683 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Michael |
No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight. |
| 14684 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Stanley |
Yes, please let us know. |
| 14685 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today. |
| 14686 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Angela |
Waste of time. |
| 14687 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Michael |
What's that, pipsqueak? |
| 14688 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Angela |
Waste of time. The website's going to win. |
| 14689 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
You believe a computer can beat me? |
| 14690 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Angela |
I don't care, but yes. |
| 14691 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
Well I will prove you wrong. |
| 14692 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Angela |
I don't care, and you won't. |
| 14693 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Dwight |
We'll see. |
| 14694 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2482 |
Angela |
I won't be watching, and I won't. |
| 14695 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2483 |
Pam |
Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who are both already prone to unpleasantness. |
| 14696 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2484 |
Phyllis |
Stanley, you're dancing! |
| 14697 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2484 |
Stanley |
No I'm not. |
| 14698 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2485 |
Ryan |
Yeah. I created a website. Look, at the end of the day, apples apples flying at 30,000 feet. This is a paper company and I don't want us to get lost in the weeds or into a beauty contest. |
| 14699 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2485 |
Voice of Thomas Dean |
I told you I don't want you doing these things in here. You can use your own office or do it in the hall. |
| 14700 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2486 |
Ryan |
Convergence. Viral marketing. We're going guerrilla. We're takin' it to the streets while keeping an eye on the street. Wall Street. I don't want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words, it is what it is. Buyin' paper just became fun. |
| 14701 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
And this is where I will record your sales. |
| 14702 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Dwight |
Hmm. Very nice. Very nice. |
| 14703 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
And then I will say something positive, like kudos or job well done. |
| 14704 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Jim |
Or zipadeedoodaah. |
| 14705 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
I can't tell if he's mocking me. |
| 14706 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Dwight |
Just ignore him. |
| 14707 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
Ehh, can't do that. Really hard for me to let things go. |
| 14708 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Jim |
I was... mocking. |
| 14709 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 14710 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Dwight |
I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale. |
| 14711 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
Yes like a chime or a bell... |
| 14712 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Jim |
Or a gong. |
| 14713 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Dwight |
Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me. |
| 14714 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2487 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 14715 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2488 |
Kevin |
Isn't 7 pm a little late for a lunch party? |
| 14716 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2488 |
Angela |
Lunch party? It's supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you? |
| 14717 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2489 |
Phyllis |
Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I Googled how to deal with difficult people, and I got all of this. So we're gonna try out some new things today. |
| 14718 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Phyllis |
So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says lunch? |
| 14719 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Angela |
I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid. |
| 14720 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Phyllis |
I'm so sorry to hear that, that must be awful. |
| 14721 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Angela |
It is awful. You've made this day awful! |
| 14722 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Kevin |
Maybe you could just change the U into an A. |
| 14723 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Angela |
Then it would say lanch party, Kevin. Would it really be better if it said lanch party? |
| 14724 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Michael |
Ohh, lunch party. |
| 14725 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Angela |
It's supposed to say launch! |
| 14726 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Michael |
Okay, wow! Easy, booster seat, nobody cares about this party anyway. |
| 14727 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2490 |
Angela |
I care! |
| 14728 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2491 |
Angela |
Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat's still dead. |
| 14729 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Andy |
Twenty seconds to go time. |
| 14730 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Dwight |
Got it. Carb up. |
| 14731 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Jim |
Really? Power gel? |
| 14732 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Dwight |
Hey, you wanna win? You gotta fuel like a winner. |
| 14733 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Andy |
Okay. We start. As soon as I make... this shot. Aaannnddd go! |
| 14734 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Dwight |
Uhyeaahhh! Hello, Susan? Dwight Schrute. |
| 14735 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Jim |
What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight and at the same time not be working? |
| 14736 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Dwight |
Today I'm prepared to give you 15% off our normal prices. |
| 14737 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Jim |
What? |
| 14738 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Pam |
He's going through a break-up. |
| 14739 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'm aware of that. But he's also being super annoying. And I'm not a perfect person. |
| 14740 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Andy |
Yeah! |
| 14741 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Dwight |
Three reams! Yoohoo... in your face, machines. |
| 14742 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2492 |
Pam |
What kind of prank are you thinking? |
| 14743 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
Dwight |
What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I'll hold. |
| 14744 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
DunMiff, Sys |
Who am I? |
| 14745 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
Dwight |
You tell me. |
| 14746 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
Jim |
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper. |
| 14747 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
DunMiff, Sys |
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper. |
| 14748 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
Dwight |
How do I know this isn't Jim? |
| 14749 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2493 |
DunMiff, Sys |
What is a Jim? |
| 14750 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2494 |
Dwight |
It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise. |
| 14751 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 14752 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Pam |
Yes it's too tight. |
| 14753 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Kelly |
Waaay too tight. |
| 14754 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 14755 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Oscar |
This is why I'm here? |
| 14756 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Kelly |
Why is it so tight? |
| 14757 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
It's the European cut. |
| 14758 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Angela |
Is just looks bad. |
| 14759 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
Umm... hey. Ah, what's hanging? |
| 14760 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Tech Guy |
Setting up the web-cam for the party. |
| 14761 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
Oh good. Okay cool. How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7? |
| 14762 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Kelly |
Depends... how much have you eaten already today? |
| 14763 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Michael |
I had um, one of those danishes. |
| 14764 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. |
| 14765 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Kelly |
You had carbs? That's awful. |
| 14766 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2495 |
Pam |
Uh, just one second. We're in a meeting and I'll see if he's available. It's Jan. |
| 14767 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Why don't you wanna go tonight? What... all your friends are gonna be there. It'll be fun. |
| 14768 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
My friends? Michael, I was terminated. |
| 14769 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Just... |
| 14770 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
Is it really that important to you? |
| 14771 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 14772 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
Alright. |
| 14773 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 14774 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
Go by yourself. |
| 14775 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Na... no. No. If I go by myself everybody will think I'm a big loser. |
| 14776 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
Well... |
| 14777 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
Do I have your permission to invite Carol? |
| 14778 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Jan |
What? No Michael! |
| 14779 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2496 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just the first... girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with. |
| 14780 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Dwight |
Ohhhhhh! |
| 14781 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Andy |
Website check please. |
| 14782 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Meredith |
Three hundred and five. |
| 14783 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Andy |
Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely. |
| 14784 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Meredith |
Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty. |
| 14785 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Andy |
You my friend are in a very close second. |
| 14786 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Meredith |
Four-oh-two. |
| 14787 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Andy |
Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady? |
| 14788 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2497 |
Meredith |
What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve. |
| 14789 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Michael |
So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins. |
| 14790 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Jim |
Sure we'll go. |
| 14791 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Michael |
Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good. |
| 14792 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Jim |
Oh I'm sorry. What? |
| 14793 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Pam |
One of the tickets is for him. |
| 14794 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Michael |
Just let me know who the winner is. |
| 14795 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Pam, Jim |
Not it. |
| 14796 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 14797 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Pam |
I won. |
| 14798 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Jim |
Definitely not. If anything it was a tie. |
| 14799 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2498 |
Pam |
Tie goes to the girlfriend. |
| 14800 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Dwight |
No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesti... you did what? Ah no! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh. |
| 14801 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Jim |
How's it going? |
| 14802 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Dwight |
Fine. Good. |
| 14803 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 14804 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 14805 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Jim |
You look a little worried. |
| 14806 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Dwight |
I do not look worried. |
| 14807 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
DunMiff, Sys |
You do look worried. |
| 14808 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Dwight |
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read... |
| 14809 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Pam |
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read binary so why don't you zero one one, one one one one, zero one one zero one one. |
| 14810 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2499 |
Jim |
Okay. Um, while you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oop, and sold more paper. |
| 14811 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2500 |
Angela |
I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless. |
| 14812 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2500 |
Phyllis |
I want to understand what you're saying but it's difficult for me when you use that tone. |
| 14813 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2500 |
Angela |
Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now? |
| 14814 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2500 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 14815 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2500 |
Angela |
Goodie. |
| 14816 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Jim |
Hey man. |
| 14817 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Darryl |
What's up man? |
| 14818 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Jim |
What's going on? |
| 14819 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Darryl |
Make a delivery. |
| 14820 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Jim |
Oh yeah? |
| 14821 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2501 |
Darryl |
Kelly ordered this online. |
| 14822 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts. |
| 14823 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Kelly |
But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, "Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin." |
| 14824 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Dwight |
Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did! |
| 14825 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
Who knows? |
| 14826 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Dwight |
Return it! Return it now! |
| 14827 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk. Start sellin' multiple reams like a man. |
| 14828 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Dwight |
Y... You don't understand. If... okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible. |
| 14829 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
Who's it? |
| 14830 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
Here you go. |
| 14831 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Kelly |
Thanks. |
| 14832 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
So you still missing Ryan? |
| 14833 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Kelly |
Not so much anymore. |
| 14834 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2502 |
Darryl |
Mmmmm. |
| 14835 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2503 |
Dwight |
I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them. |
| 14836 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2504 |
Dwight |
Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good. |
| 14837 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Michael |
Alright. I'm ready to go and I'm callin' shotgun. |
| 14838 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Jim |
I'm driving? |
| 14839 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Michael |
Yes. Thank you. |
| 14840 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Jim |
Alright, let me just say good-bye to Pam. |
| 14841 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Michael |
Oh yeah, you'd better. You better say good-bye to Pam. Say good-bye to Pam. Byyyyyye. I love you. I love ya Pam... okay. I'm leavin' inside Jim's car, I don't know when I'll be back again. Yes I do. Tomorrow I'll be back. I'll be back. Tomorrow. Um... yeah. So you know what? Why don't you guys take off a little bit early tonight? |
| 14842 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Angela |
Because there's a party! A party for the website I've been planning for two weeks. |
| 14843 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Michael |
If you are not this tall, you may not ride the rollercoaster. See you guys tomorrow. |
| 14844 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Dwight |
Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you. Mmmhmm. |
| 14845 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
DunMiff, Sys |
Oh. I didn't realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples. |
| 14846 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2505 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry. Am, so sorry. I... yes. Uh, could you repeat that? |
| 14847 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Dwight |
Yesss! Ten reams for the US District Court! Did I happen to mention the forty reams for the battered women's shelter? |
| 14848 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Andy |
No ! |
| 14849 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Dwight |
Huh?! |
| 14850 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Angela |
Stop it! Gimme that! Give it! |
| 14851 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Dwight |
Did you see the board? |
| 14852 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2506 |
Angela |
There's still an hour. |
| 14853 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
You ever read this? |
| 14854 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Yep. A long time ago, but, I liked it. |
| 14855 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Got it for Ryan. Wanted to get him Oh The Places You'll Go, but they were sold out. Figured... |
| 14856 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 14857 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Same sort of stuff in here. |
| 14858 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
It's not. It's different. But it's a good book. |
| 14859 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Mmwa. Mmwa. |
| 14860 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
What was that? |
| 14861 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Leaving Pennsylvania. |
| 14862 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Oh. Two kisses. |
| 14863 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
One for me one for Jan. |
| 14864 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Gotcha. |
| 14865 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
You guys should come over for dinner. You and Pam. That'd be fun. Friday? |
| 14866 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
That would be fun. |
| 14867 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Wanna come over Friday? |
| 14868 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Uhhh. Can't. |
| 14869 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
After work you guys... |
| 14870 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Oh, no cause... you're gonna let me know when we're close, right? |
| 14871 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Yes. Actually I will tell you right now. It's a club called Chatroom, and there's a password to get in, which is actually password. So... |
| 14872 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Mmmkay... |
| 14873 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 14874 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Uh, that is an invitation to an online party. |
| 14875 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
No. |
| 14876 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 14877 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
No, I'm sure that's not. Na... |
| 14878 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Are there, uh, three w's at the beginning of the address? |
| 14879 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 14880 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2507 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 14881 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2508 |
Michael |
Well the invitation says VIP's only. Is this how you treat your VIP's, Ryan? We're already in the city. The main part with the buildings. What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do tonight? And if you tell me, that I have to drive back to Scranton, to the satellite party, I am going to throw up! Okay I'm going to throw up. I'm throwing up. You're making me throw up, Ryan. |
| 14882 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2509 |
Michael |
You know what this is like? I'll tell you what this is like. This is like when the Freshmen would throw a party and wouldn't let any of the Seniors go. |
| 14883 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2510 |
Michael |
Doesn't it just piss you off sometimes that that little twerp got the promotion over us? |
| 14884 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2510 |
Jim |
Oh actually I withdrew from consideration. |
| 14885 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2510 |
Michael |
Yeah. I withdrew too. |
| 14886 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Andy |
Four! Three! Two! One! |
| 14887 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 14888 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Andy |
Woo! |
| 14889 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
Woo! |
| 14890 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Andy |
After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it's path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams. |
| 14891 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again. |
| 14892 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Andy |
Fifty-two reams! |
| 14893 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
No no no the first part. |
| 14894 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Andy |
Dwight has defeated the computer. |
| 14895 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you. |
| 14896 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Angela |
I didn't ask you to do it for me. |
| 14897 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2511 |
Dwight |
You didn't have to. |
| 14898 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2512 |
Angela |
How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary? |
| 14899 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2513 |
Angela |
Hello, Pam. |
| 14900 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2513 |
Pam |
Hello. |
| 14901 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2513 |
Angela |
Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man. |
| 14902 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2513 |
Pam |
Um... uh... I'll get back to you. |
| 14903 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2513 |
Angela |
Let me know. |
| 14904 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2514 |
DunMiff, Sys |
You beat me. You are the superior being. |
| 14905 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Michael |
Alright who wants to party? |
| 14906 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Oscar |
Why aren't you in New York? |
| 14907 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Michael |
Ohhh, what? Oh I think I faked Oscar out. |
| 14908 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Stanley |
You said you weren't coming back and we could leave early. |
| 14909 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Michael |
I think I faked Stanley out too. Who else thought that I was leaving? And they could all go home early? Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Well who needs New York? Right? We can have a killer party right here in Scranton. |
| 14910 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 14911 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Michael |
Nope nope nope no. This is going to be nothing like the party you've been planning. This is going to be good and everybody's gonna come. What's wrong with Dwight? |
| 14912 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Andy |
He beat the computer. |
| 14913 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2515 |
Michael |
Oh hey! Good for you. Good for you. Scranton power. Alright you know what? Angela I'd like you to come into my office in ten minutes. Bring something to write with and something to write on. Good. |
| 14914 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2516 |
Michael |
This was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive who I cared about. But, you know, I'm not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home. |
| 14915 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
How we doing on time? |
| 14916 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
The party starts in an hour. |
| 14917 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Good. These are some things that I would like to have happen. |
| 14918 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Beer, lite beer, streamers, orchids. Better lighting? |
| 14919 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Mmmhmm. |
| 14920 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Something made of ice? |
| 14921 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Those are just things. This is how I want it to feel. |
| 14922 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Pizza, pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak? |
| 14923 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important... |
| 14924 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Chocolates? Someone famous? |
| 14925 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Yes |
| 14926 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Cool music. |
| 14927 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 14928 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Confetti. |
| 14929 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
I want it... |
| 14930 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Go-Go dancers? |
| 14931 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
I want it to embarrass all other parties. I want it to be a party that the guys in New York watch on the web-cam and say, "Wow! How did they get Al Roker to come?" |
| 14932 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
I can't do this. |
| 14933 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Yes you can. |
| 14934 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
I can't do it. |
| 14935 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say that if I didn't hundred percent believe it. Who else could do this? |
| 14936 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Angela |
Okay. Okay. |
| 14937 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2517 |
Michael |
No seriously. Is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time. I'll get the pizza! |
| 14938 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
What do you think of Angela? |
| 14939 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Dwight |
I think she's efficient. |
| 14940 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N. |
| 14941 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Dwight |
I hadn't noticed. |
| 14942 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
You hadn't noticed she's a woman? |
| 14943 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right? |
| 14944 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Dwight |
I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with. |
| 14945 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
Isn't that part of the fun? |
| 14946 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Dwight |
No. I think you should date Kelly. |
| 14947 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
She works here too, how is that any different? |
| 14948 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Dwight |
Uh, she works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby. |
| 14949 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2518 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 14950 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
Good news. |
| 14951 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Stanley |
We get to go home? |
| 14952 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo? |
| 14953 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Kevin |
Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo? |
| 14954 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
Same thing. |
| 14955 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Kevin |
No, no. |
| 14956 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
You know what? I don't understand when you all talk at the same time. |
| 14957 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Kevin |
Oscar, talk to him. |
| 14958 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Oscar |
Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste. Which one did you order from? |
| 14959 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
Pizza by Alfredo. |
| 14960 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
Michael |
Okay, okay, what's better? A medium amount of good pizza? Or all you can eat of pretty good pizza? |
| 14961 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2519 |
All |
Medium amount of good pizza. |
| 14962 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2520 |
Kevin |
Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage. |
| 14963 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2521 |
Phyllis |
You can pick one of these things. It's unreasonable for you to ask me to do all of this. |
| 14964 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2521 |
Angela |
It should take no time at all if you put the care into it that you normally do. |
| 14965 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2521 |
Angela |
Ow! |
| 14966 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2522 |
Phyllis |
That seemed to shut her up. |
| 14967 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Andy |
Are you looking for dinner and a movie? Because you're not going to find it in that box. |
| 14968 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Andy |
Just so happens that I know where you can find it, but again, not in the box. |
| 14969 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Andy |
Angela, are you hearing words that I'm saying? |
| 14970 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Angela |
What? |
| 14971 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Andy |
Hello. |
| 14972 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2523 |
Angela |
I have been working on a party for three weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now I've got to pull together a whole new party, and my useless number two quit, so now there's no one in charge of orchids, chocolates, or the thing that's made of ice. And my upper back itches, and it's itched all day, and I can't reach it, and Kevin had Greek food for lunch again. |
| 14973 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2524 |
Andy |
They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates. |
| 14974 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Yup. |
| 14975 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pam |
The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here. |
| 14976 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
You don't have to say it like that. |
| 14977 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pam |
I said it normal. |
| 14978 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Hey |
| 14979 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
Hey. Sixty-three fifty, and that's not including tip. |
| 14980 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Right, I have a coupon, so half of sixty-three fifty, and half the tip of sixty-three fifty. |
| 14981 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
The half off coupon only applies to orders of two pizzas. |
| 14982 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Yeah, I told them on the phone that I was ordering eight pizzas. |
| 14983 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
I don't care what you told them on the phone, that's our policy. |
| 14984 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
You didn't actually think I was going to spend sixty bucks on pizza? |
| 14985 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Oscar |
It's not pizza. |
| 14986 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Okay, it doesn't say it anywhere on the coupon, and if it's policy, it should say it on the coupon. |
| 14987 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
What do you mean hmm-um? |
| 14988 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
Not my problem. |
| 14989 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
It is your problem. That's no way to do business, okay? I ordered eight pizzas with a half-off coupon, so I would like eight pizzas for half-off. End of story. |
| 14990 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
Great story. It's sixty-three fifty, and that's not including tip. |
| 14991 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
I'm not giving that to you. |
| 14992 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
Well then you're not getting you're pizzas. |
| 14993 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
No, no you're not going anywhere. You're staying here until we figure this out. |
| 14994 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
What? |
| 14995 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
You know what? This young man needs to learn that's not how you treat people. I don't care if it's pizza. Good business is about respect and accountability and follow through. You don't just make promises and pull the rug out from under somebody, do you? Dwight, please escort this young man into the conference room. Right now, get in the conference room. |
| 14996 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
I'm not going in there. |
| 14997 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
Yes you are, yes you are, and you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza. Please, thank you. |
| 14998 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Pizza guy |
This is stupid. |
| 14999 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2525 |
Michael |
No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here. |
| 15000 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Stanley |
You find anything? |
| 15001 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Kevin |
We think it's a straight forward kidnapping. |
| 15002 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Oscar |
Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"? |
| 15003 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Stanley |
Why can't you guys do it? |
| 15004 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Oscar |
Because we're looking up jail time. |
| 15005 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2526 |
Stanley |
Fine. |
| 15006 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2527 |
Dwight |
I've seen this kid before. He's one the kids who sneaks on my farm and steals my hemp. |
| 15007 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2528 |
Pizza guy |
Yeah, I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed. |
| 15008 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
You ready to give me my discount now? |
| 15009 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
No. |
| 15010 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time? |
| 15011 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
What kind of business is this? |
| 15012 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Dwight |
We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world. |
| 15013 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man. |
| 15014 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
You better think about what you're doing. |
| 15015 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
No! I'm an adult, I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he's better than everyone else, because he's some hot shot, and you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay? |
| 15016 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
Sales? |
| 15017 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that's called sales. |
| 15018 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
You're such a loser. |
| 15019 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Dwight |
What did you just call him? |
| 15020 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
A loser. |
| 15021 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Dwight |
What did you say? |
| 15022 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Pizza guy |
A loser. |
| 15023 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
Alright stop, stop making him say it! You just made this worse, a whole lot worse. |
| 15024 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Dwight |
I can make him talk, Michael. |
| 15025 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
All |
Michael, Michael |
| 15026 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2529 |
Michael |
Stop talking all at once! |
| 15027 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
You need to let him go. |
| 15028 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
Let go of the little jerk boy before he has learned his lesson? |
| 15029 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 15030 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
You know what Jim, the world would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions. |
| 15031 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
Yes, but not by kidnapping. |
| 15032 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want. |
| 15033 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
As a hostage. |
| 15034 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
I think you're over-thinking it. |
| 15035 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
I think you're under-thinking it. |
| 15036 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then? Okay, can you tell the manager that I'm keeping his delivery kid until I get a discount on the eight pizzas I ordered. Yes, I know it is not on the coupon. Also I would like him to throw in two, three pizzas for our... |
| 15037 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
Ransom. |
| 15038 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
Trouble. Okay, alright. |
| 15039 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
What did he say? |
| 15040 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
He said no. |
| 15041 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
So, we should let him go. |
| 15042 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Michael |
No, no. |
| 15043 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2530 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 15044 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2531 |
Dwight |
Listen up kid. I don't like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights. |
| 15045 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2531 |
Angela |
I have to hang these. |
| 15046 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2531 |
Pizza guy |
Why are you looking at her like that? |
| 15047 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2531 |
Dwight |
Hey! |
| 15048 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2532 |
Kevin |
What's going on? |
| 15049 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2532 |
Jim |
Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands. |
| 15050 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2532 |
Michael |
Mister Overdramatic, what's up Kevin? |
| 15051 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2532 |
Kevin |
We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end. |
| 15052 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Angela |
I needed another hour, it could have been done in another hour. |
| 15053 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Meredith |
I think it looks good. |
| 15054 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Angela |
That's why you're not in charge Meredith. |
| 15055 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Andy |
Here you are my dear, one thing made of ice. |
| 15056 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Angela |
How did you, um, where did you... |
| 15057 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Dwight |
It's just ice, it'll melt all over the floor. |
| 15058 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Angela |
Will you help me put it over there? |
| 15059 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Andy |
Yes I will. |
| 15060 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 15061 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2533 |
Andy |
Excuse me. |
| 15062 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2534 |
Andy |
I stole it! |
| 15063 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Oscar |
Thank God. |
| 15064 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Pam |
Michael, Ryan wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes. You just have to wave and introduce yourself. |
| 15065 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Michael |
I'll just wave and introduce myself. |
| 15066 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Jim |
Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof? |
| 15067 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Pam |
I'm all over it. |
| 15068 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 15069 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Jim |
What have we got here? |
| 15070 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Kevin |
Good pizza. |
| 15071 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Jim |
Yeah, cheese, or do we have other flavors? |
| 15072 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Kevin |
Different stuff. |
| 15073 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2535 |
Jim |
Which one's this? Perfect. |
| 15074 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Jim |
Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk? |
| 15075 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Pam |
Yeah, enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight. |
| 15076 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Jim |
And that's when I knew. You? |
| 15077 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Pam |
You came up to my desk, and said, this might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired. |
| 15078 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Jim |
That was the moment that you knew you liked me? |
| 15079 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 15080 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Jim |
Wow, can we make it a different moment? |
| 15081 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2536 |
Pam |
Nope. |
| 15082 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2537 |
Manager |
Can I start talking? Is this thing on? Give me a signal when you want me to start. |
| 15083 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2537 |
Ryan |
And now from my old hometown, Scranton Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott. |
| 15084 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2537 |
Michael |
Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that hole. |
| 15085 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2537 |
Ryan |
Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear. |
| 15086 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2537 |
Pizza guy |
If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor. |
| 15087 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2538 |
Angela |
Ow! What are you doing? |
| 15088 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2538 |
Andy |
You said your upper back itched. |
| 15089 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2538 |
Angela |
I didn't ask you to scratch it. |
| 15090 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2538 |
Andy |
Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and up until and possibly now I've repulsed you, but I like you. |
| 15091 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2538 |
Angela |
I'm not dating you. |
| 15092 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2539 |
Andy |
So, Angela is stubborn as a mule, she's giving off fairly strong vibes that she's not interested. |
| 15093 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2539 |
Andy |
But do I like her or not, because if I like her, then I can't back down. |
| 15094 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2539 |
Dwight |
If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds! |
| 15095 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Michael |
Hey, have you seen Jim? |
| 15096 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Kevin |
I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out. |
| 15097 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Dwight |
Ahh-chaa! |
| 15098 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Michael |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? |
| 15099 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Dwight |
I'm just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you're going to do something to him. |
| 15100 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Pizza guy |
I can hear you, man. |
| 15101 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Dwight |
Shut up, or I'm going to punch you in the throat! |
| 15102 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey stop it. Stop it now, God. Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid. |
| 15103 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Dwight |
You had to, what other choice did you have? |
| 15104 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Michael |
I could have paid for the pizza. |
| 15105 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Dwight |
Well, yeah. |
| 15106 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2540 |
Michael |
Oh my God, oh my God. |
| 15107 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
This is Michael. |
| 15108 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Ryan |
Hello Michael, this is Ryan, first off thanks for the shout out. |
| 15109 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
You're breaking up. I can't hear you. |
| 15110 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Ryan |
Why is there a kid on your webcam saying that he's being held against his... |
| 15111 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
Mmm-kay. I want you to go in there, and pay him for the pizzas, and give him a generous tip, no more than ten percent. |
| 15112 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
What will you do? |
| 15113 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
I will open the door. |
| 15114 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 15115 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
And hopefully he will walk out, and the rest is out of our hands. |
| 15116 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
So, I'm paying full price? |
| 15117 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 15118 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
Here we go, sixty-five. You know what? There's two more. |
| 15119 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
See ya, drive safely. |
| 15120 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 15121 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
Now what? |
| 15122 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
Now we wait, and hopefully nothing happens. |
| 15123 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Dwight |
Alright. Oh, I assume I'm going to be reimbursed for the pizzas. |
| 15124 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2541 |
Michael |
Not now Dwight, please, it's not the time. |
| 15125 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2542 |
Jim |
A toast, better make it good. To avoiding a class two felony charge. |
| 15126 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2542 |
Pam |
Ah-ha. |
| 15127 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Andy |
Hello, hey hang on a second. Hello, hang on. |
| 15128 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Andy |
If you change your mind, I'll be first in line. Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, if you're feeling down. If your all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and that ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela. Take a chance on me. |
| 15129 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Voice #1 on phone |
Hey how'd it go? |
| 15130 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Voice #2 on phone |
Yeah, what'd she say? |
| 15131 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Andy |
I don't know yet, I have to call you back. |
| 15132 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Voice #1 on phone |
You have to give us something... |
| 15133 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Andy |
I'll call you back. |
| 15134 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2543 |
Angela |
I have to go clean up after the party. |
| 15135 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
What a horrible day. |
| 15136 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Blah. |
| 15137 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
Bluh. |
| 15138 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Uhh. |
| 15139 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
Well, I need to get the horrible taste of this pizza out of my mouth. I'd really like some sushi. I was hoping that I would have New York style sushi today. And you know what? |
| 15140 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 15141 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
I'm going to get it. |
| 15142 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Coopers has calamari. |
| 15143 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
Uh-uh, no, there is only one place where they authentic New York style sushi. |
| 15144 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Tokyo? |
| 15145 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
New York. Wanna go? |
| 15146 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 15147 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Michael |
Alright, you drive. |
| 15148 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2544 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 15149 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Nice. |
| 15150 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Here we go. |
| 15151 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Woo-hoo. |
| 15152 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Mmm. |
| 15153 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Yum. |
| 15154 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Bartender |
I'm sorry, you guys are going to have to leave. |
| 15155 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Hey, you know what? Come on, come on, let's go. |
| 15156 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Man |
Hey, you're the Scranton guy. |
| 15157 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Guilty. |
| 15158 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Man |
I liked your statement tonight. |
| 15159 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Oh, thanks. This is the guy that beat the computer. |
| 15160 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Man |
Oh, very cool. It was funny to see Ryan all embarrassed by that. |
| 15161 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 15162 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Man |
See you later. |
| 15163 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Later on. |
| 15164 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
I'm Ryan, and tonight didn't go the way that I thought it would, because it didn't work out for me, and I'm very embarrassed. I got egg all over my face. |
| 15165 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
And I spent so much time in Scranton and I never sold any paper. |
| 15166 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
I never sold any paper, because I'm an idiot. |
| 15167 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
I started a fire with my cheese pita. |
| 15168 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
I made it with my cheese pita. |
| 15169 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
I date Indian girls. |
| 15170 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
I started a fire, I started a fire. |
| 15171 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Now I've got a beard, and I can do whatever I want, and I'm your boss. |
| 15172 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
And I'm hot, I'm so hot. That's why everybody... |
| 15173 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
I don't get that, I don't understand that. |
| 15174 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Well, it's part of it, it's just the... uhhh. |
| 15175 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Michael |
Wanna head back? |
| 15176 |
4 |
5 |
Launch Party (Parts 1&2) |
2545 |
Dwight |
Yeah, let's go. |
| 15177 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2546 |
Michael |
Coat! |
| 15178 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2547 |
Pam |
Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He has his NetFlix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow. |
| 15179 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2548 |
Michael |
Steak! Where's my steeaaak? |
| 15180 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2549 |
Pam |
He's a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character. |
| 15181 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2550 |
Michael |
Get me Armani. |
| 15182 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2550 |
Pam |
A suit? |
| 15183 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2550 |
Michael |
On the phone. |
| 15184 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2550 |
Pam |
Like the main company number? Because I'm gonna have to call information. |
| 15185 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2550 |
Michael |
Where's Armani? He's on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I'm so much better than you are. |
| 15186 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2551 |
Michael |
I owe you an apology. |
| 15187 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2551 |
Pam |
You finished the movie. |
| 15188 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2551 |
Michael |
Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you. |
| 15189 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2551 |
Pam |
No. Go ahead. |
| 15190 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2551 |
Michael |
Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you, Mo Chuisle. |
| 15191 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2552 |
Pam |
Mo Chuisle. He's watching Million Dollar Baby... He's gonna try to kill me. |
| 15192 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
So this one goes with my eyes and this one goes with your eyes. People have said I have very pretty eyes. |
| 15193 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
You do. |
| 15194 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
I haven't heard the same about you. So let's just go with mine. |
| 15195 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
Well, they both go with the carpet I've ordered, and if you go with the brown leather on the sofas, then they go with that too. |
| 15196 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
We already have a sofa. So why do--- |
| 15197 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
A futon's not a sofa. |
| 15198 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
It... folds up. You've only seen it flat. |
| 15199 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
I know what a futon is, Michael. |
| 15200 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
I--- Ok. How much is this going to cost? |
| 15201 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
It costs what it costs. |
| 15202 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Michael |
No--- don't... that doesn't even mean anything. |
| 15203 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2553 |
Jan |
We have gone through this. |
| 15204 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2554 |
Michael |
Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise. |
| 15205 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Michael |
It's just that you say it's gonna cost what it costs--- |
| 15206 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Pam |
Michael, it's Ryan for you. |
| 15207 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Jan |
Conniving little runt. Put him through. |
| 15208 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Michael |
Put him through. Yes. Ryan, my man! |
| 15209 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Ryan |
I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint. |
| 15210 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Michael |
Yes, and thank you for sending that to me. |
| 15211 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Ryan |
I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint. |
| 15212 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Michael |
Okay, yeah, I dunno. I dunno, I think those IT guys messed up. |
| 15213 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Ryan |
Hold on, I'll get them on the phone. |
| 15214 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2555 |
Michael |
Wait, oh, no, here it is, here it is. Found it. |
| 15215 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Jim |
Sure, I can hold. |
| 15216 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Dwight |
Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute. Please hold. Schrute Farms, guten tag. How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh no, I'm sorry, no king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Aufedersein! |
| 15217 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Jim |
Hey Dwight. |
| 15218 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Dwight |
None of your business, Jim. |
| 15219 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Jim |
Do you run the bed and breakfest? |
| 15220 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2556 |
Dwight |
It is not a B and B. |
| 15221 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2557 |
Dwight |
Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfest. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them brekafest. |
| 15222 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Jim |
Does the Department of Health know about this? |
| 15223 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Dwight |
I'm not telling you anything. Permits are pending. Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15224 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Pam |
Hello, I'm looking for a room. |
| 15225 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Dwight |
Okay, this is a mis-use of company phones. |
| 15226 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Pam |
It says here you cater to the eldery. |
| 15227 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Dwight |
Where did you read that? |
| 15228 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2558 |
Pam |
Trip Advsior. |
| 15229 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2559 |
Dwight |
Trip Advisor is the life blood of the Agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn. One of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see. |
| 15230 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2560 |
Dwight |
How many in your party? |
| 15231 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2560 |
Pam |
Two? |
| 15232 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2560 |
Dwight |
We offer tours of the fields, and of the barn. Uh, perhaps you'll be interested in, um, Mose's table making demonstration? |
| 15233 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2561 |
Jan |
So, um, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight. |
| 15234 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2561 |
Michael |
Oh! Um, actually, I need the car. |
| 15235 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2561 |
Jan |
Why? Improv? Why don't you just pretend you have a car? Good practice, incase you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car? |
| 15236 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2562 |
Michael |
Use to have two cars, traded 'em in, now we're down to one. Good economic sense. Although the new car is a Porsche. For her. |
| 15237 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Dwight |
One cardigan, one sleeping cardigan and one sleep apnea mask. |
| 15238 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Angela |
What about my cherub figurine? |
| 15239 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Dwight |
You took that with you. |
| 15240 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Angela |
No I left it on my night table--- your night table, by the lamp. |
| 15241 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Dwight |
You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories, and I didn't see it there. |
| 15242 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2563 |
Angela |
Fine. |
| 15243 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2564 |
Dwight |
My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has s*x with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care, they're your oats. |
| 15244 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Kevin |
The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it's so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you? |
| 15245 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
You can not, I have a thing tonight. |
| 15246 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Kevin |
Dammit. |
| 15247 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
Uh, Michael. |
| 15248 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
What? |
| 15249 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
That reminds me, uh, if the invitation still stands, Pam and I would love to have dinner tonight. |
| 15250 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
Oh no, I have a thing tonight. |
| 15251 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
Darn it! |
| 15252 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Pam |
Shoot! |
| 15253 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
How about this weekend? |
| 15254 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
No, can't. |
| 15255 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Pam |
We only had tonight free, and we really wanted to spend it with you. |
| 15256 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
Dammit to hell. I-I-ugh, ok. All right. |
| 15257 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
Where are you going out tonight? |
| 15258 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Michael |
You wouldn't understand. It's a secret. |
| 15259 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Jim |
I wouldn't understand or a secret? |
| 15260 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2565 |
Pam |
You wouldn't understand, Jim. It's a secret. |
| 15261 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2566 |
Michael |
I'm sorry Mr. O'Brian, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner. I just have a very exciting offer. My records indicate that you have expressed interest in losing some weight. Well, what if I told you that I have a pill that will make you 50 pounds lighter in 5 minutes? How does that sound? Amazing right? Well, it won't be that fast, but it will---- it will be that easy. |
| 15262 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Jim |
I can't believe this place is real. I mean, I've heard about his beet farm for years, but wow. |
| 15263 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Pam |
The Beets Motel. |
| 15264 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Jim |
The Beets Motel? That is, wow. |
| 15265 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Pam |
Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon! |
| 15266 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Jim |
How are you doing this? |
| 15267 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Pam |
I don't know! |
| 15268 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2567 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh. |
| 15269 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2568 |
Michael |
I just love sales. I love it to death. It's as simple as that. And I don't get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing. |
| 15270 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2568 |
Nick |
What's going on here? |
| 15271 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2568 |
Michael |
Hey, I just got off the phone, and I was gonna make another call. |
| 15272 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2568 |
Nick |
We're a legit operation with a license from the city I can show you. We pay minimum wage against commision--- |
| 15273 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2568 |
Michael |
No, they're with me, so... this is Nick Figaro, manager to the stars! |
| 15274 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
We have three rooms, each with a different theme. |
| 15275 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Pam |
What are the themes? |
| 15276 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
American, Irrigation, and Night-Time. |
| 15277 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Pam |
Irrigation. |
| 15278 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 15279 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
I'll put you down for Irrigation. Well then, do you have any special needs or diertary restrictions? |
| 15280 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Jim |
Yes. We will be requiring a bed time story. |
| 15281 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 15282 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Jim |
Not even Harry Potter? |
| 15283 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
No. Jim, come on. |
| 15284 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Mose |
But you promised. |
| 15285 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2569 |
Dwight |
Mose, bags! Now! |
| 15286 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2570 |
Dwight |
Here we are, the Irrigation Room! A very special room. So I'll come get you before the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here in Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get that power back on. All righty. |
| 15287 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2571 |
Nick |
Everybody in the conference room. In 5 minutes. |
| 15288 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2571 |
Michael |
These meetings are useless. |
| 15289 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Nick |
I just want to remind you to stick to the script. Improving the work. So, make the call, say the lines, make the sale. Got it? |
| 15290 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Michael |
Very inspirational. |
| 15291 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Nick |
We're offering a $50 bonus tonight to the guy with the most sales. Ok. |
| 15292 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Co-Worker 1 |
Or a woman. |
| 15293 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Michael |
Or a trained seal. |
| 15294 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2572 |
Nick |
You could make jokes when you've made a sale there rookie, ok? |
| 15295 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2573 |
Jim |
Hmmm, I'd say 1 in 6. |
| 15296 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2573 |
Pam |
What? |
| 15297 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2573 |
Jim |
Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were in being murdered here tonight. |
| 15298 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2574 |
Jim |
You know, I've just realized, this is Pam's and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine... uh but, wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less. |
| 15299 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2574 |
Dwight |
Mose, what are you doing? No Mose! Put the--- Put the manure down! Put it down! Do not throw it! DO NOT THROW IT! Ow! |
| 15300 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Michael |
Yes, is Mr. Hudson there? |
| 15301 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Stanley |
Yes, who is this? |
| 15302 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Michael |
I'm just calling because you responded positively to the--- |
| 15303 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Stanley |
Michael? |
| 15304 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Michael |
...Stanley? |
| 15305 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Stanley |
Why are you calling me here at home? |
| 15306 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Michael |
Senor, are you happy with your--- |
| 15307 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Stanley |
Michael, I know that's you. Why are you calling me here at home? |
| 15308 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Michael |
Have you--- Have you considered satellite television? |
| 15309 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2575 |
Stanley |
Michael, I know that's you. I know your voice. Why are you calling me here at home? |
| 15310 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2576 |
Stanley |
When I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God forsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott. |
| 15311 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2577 |
Michael |
Well your son sounds like he's really motivated. I think it's crazy the coach won't play him frankly. |
| 15312 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2577 |
Nick |
My office. |
| 15313 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2577 |
Michael |
You bet. |
| 15314 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Nick |
Just dial the number on the sheet and stick to the script. Say those words exactly, got it? I don't know why we have to keep on having this conversation. |
| 15315 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Michael |
Look, I know sales, and I had that sale, I just needed a few more minutes--- |
| 15316 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Nick |
A few more minutes is a waste of our time. |
| 15317 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Michael |
It is not a waste of our time. |
| 15318 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Nick |
This is a trading game. |
| 15319 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Michael |
No. |
| 15320 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Nick |
You give a quick pitch. You make the sale. You move on. That's how Vikram does it. |
| 15321 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Michael |
Vikram doesn't have my people skills. |
| 15322 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Nick |
Good for Vikram, because he out-sells you every night. |
| 15323 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2578 |
Michael |
Well, I hope this conversation has helped. |
| 15324 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2579 |
Dwight |
And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand, and felt Voldemort's surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor write in agony. "Harry?" It was over quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate in the garden, his heart racing. |
| 15325 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Michael |
What did you get tonight? |
| 15326 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Vikram |
Oh it looks like mixed masala, eggplant, and rice. |
| 15327 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Michael |
Oh, that looks good. |
| 15328 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Vikram |
Oh, and what about you? Peanut butter flavor again? |
| 15329 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Michael |
I am going with the vanilla crisp this evening. |
| 15330 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Vikram |
Enjoy. |
| 15331 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2580 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 15332 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Vikram |
I was a surgeon back home. |
| 15333 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 15334 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Vikram |
Oh yeah. |
| 15335 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Michael |
Wonder what I would've been back home? |
| 15336 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Vikram |
Well this is your home. |
| 15337 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Michael |
I know, but it's competitive here. What's a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something. |
| 15338 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Vikram |
Uhh, no. |
| 15339 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2581 |
Michael |
I would've been chief of surgery... Or a cowboy. |
| 15340 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2582 |
Jim |
Wait, you're going up there? |
| 15341 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2582 |
Pam |
Yeah. Coward. |
| 15342 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2583 |
Pam |
Oh my God. What century is this? |
| 15343 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Michael |
You know what, here's the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard one, the original, John McClane was just this normal guy. You know, he's just a normal New York City cop, who gets his feet cut, and gets beat up. But he's an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter. In air. You know? He's invincible. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was. It's not Terminator. |
| 15344 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Co-Worker 2 |
Dude, you should review movies. |
| 15345 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Michael |
I actually wrote a movie. |
| 15346 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Co-Worker 3 |
Really? |
| 15347 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Michael |
I'm writing one, yeah. |
| 15348 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Co-Worker 3 |
What's it about? |
| 15349 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Michael |
Um, sort of a spy, thriller... |
| 15350 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2584 |
Nick |
What's so captivating? I like captivating things. And this must be really captivating because it's keeping you off the phones. I mean time is your money, that's how I know how captivating it is. Because how much time you spend talking. |
| 15351 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Pam |
Ugh, your turn. |
| 15352 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Dwight |
Come in. Did you have another nightmare? |
| 15353 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Hey Dwight. |
| 15354 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Dwight |
Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose. |
| 15355 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Does Mose have nightmares? |
| 15356 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Oh yes. Ever since the storm. |
| 15357 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Dwight |
Is everything satisfactory with your stay? |
| 15358 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 15359 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Dwight |
Great. |
| 15360 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here. |
| 15361 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Dwight |
Oh. Well I'll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff. |
| 15362 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2585 |
Jim |
Good night, Dwight. |
| 15363 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Co-Worker 2 |
Yeah, so we're all gonna go out for a beer. Do you wanna come? |
| 15364 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Co-Worker 3 |
We'd love for you to come, Michael. |
| 15365 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Thanks, no, I have work tomorrow morning. |
| 15366 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Co-Worker 2 |
All right, next time dude. |
| 15367 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Okay, see you guys. Hey, how you doin'? |
| 15368 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Jan |
You drive, I had too much wine. |
| 15369 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Okay. How's yoga? |
| 15370 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Jan |
I didn't go. |
| 15371 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Wh-Why not? |
| 15372 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Jan |
I just didn't! |
| 15373 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 15374 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Jan |
How was improv? |
| 15375 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Good night Vikram. |
| 15376 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Vikram |
Good night. |
| 15377 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Hey, congrats on the bonus. |
| 15378 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Vikram |
Thank you Michael. |
| 15379 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
I'm gonna have it one of these nights. |
| 15380 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Vikram |
Well if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah. |
| 15381 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Michael |
Good night. |
| 15382 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2586 |
Vikram |
Good night. |
| 15383 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2587 |
Pam |
Michael. Morning. Hey Dwight, how are you? |
| 15384 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2587 |
Dwight |
Pam. |
| 15385 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2587 |
Jim |
You okay? |
| 15386 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2587 |
Dwight |
I am better than you have ever been or ever will be. |
| 15387 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2587 |
Ryan |
Hey guys! What's happening? How's my favorite branch doin'? |
| 15388 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2588 |
Ryan |
Okay, Michael, why dont you start us off? |
| 15389 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2588 |
Michael |
Um... that wasn't much of an introduction. |
| 15390 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2588 |
Ryan |
Ladies and gentlemen, your boss, Michael Scott. |
| 15391 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2588 |
Michael |
Ahh, still lame. Okay. All right. Thank you, Ryan, for that wonderful introduction. Okay, um, today we're gonna be talking... about...PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! |
| 15392 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2589 |
Michael |
Yes I forgot about Ryan's presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well with the first presentation he had given me. But you know what else would have been nice? Winning the lottery. |
| 15393 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
And the best way to start is to hit start. And up comes the toolbar, that's what she said. What we have to do here is go to Run, and then you look up to PowerPoint. And we are in. We are going to register. You hit register--- Updates are ready. I should update. Um, estimated time 12 minutes, so this should take 5 or 10 minutes. |
| 15394 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint? |
| 15395 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 15396 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
You didn't prepare a presentation at all, did you? |
| 15397 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
No, I had a really rough night, and my boss can back you up on that. |
| 15398 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
I'm your boss. |
| 15399 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
My other boss, Mr. Figaro. |
| 15400 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
You have another job? |
| 15401 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
What I do between 5:30 pm and 1 am is no one's business but mine and my other business'. |
| 15402 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Jim |
Are you a cocktail waitress? |
| 15403 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
You can not have another job if it affects your work here. |
| 15404 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
It won't. |
| 15405 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
It did, all ready. |
| 15406 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Okay, honestly, it was unlikely I was gonna figure this out anyways. |
| 15407 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
You're so funny. |
| 15408 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse. |
| 15409 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
I invited him. |
| 15410 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
It's not a party. Darryl, back downstairs, this isn't information you need. |
| 15411 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Darryl |
There's information here? Yeah, you're right, I don't need this. |
| 15412 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
Okay. |
| 15413 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Darryl |
Hey, get off. |
| 15414 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
Umm, see you later tonight. |
| 15415 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Darryl |
I have plans later. |
| 15416 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
Okay, bye honey. |
| 15417 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
How long until you actually get this presentation ready? |
| 15418 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Why don't you do the presentation, because you know how to do it? |
| 15419 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
You know what I really want? Honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so you can communicate to the people here, to your clients, to whomever. |
| 15420 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Huh, okay. |
| 15421 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 15422 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
It's whoever, not whomever. |
| 15423 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
No, it's whomever. |
| 15424 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
No, whomever is never actually right. |
| 15425 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Jim |
No, sometimes its right. |
| 15426 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Creed |
Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students. |
| 15427 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Andy |
No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word. |
| 15428 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Oscar |
Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly. |
| 15429 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Not a native speaker. |
| 15430 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kevin |
I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say, because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night. |
| 15431 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
Do you really know which one is correct? |
| 15432 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kevin |
I don't know. |
| 15433 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Pam |
It's 'whom' when it's the object of a sentence, and 'who' when it's the subject. |
| 15434 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, that sounds right. |
| 15435 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Well it sounds right, but is it? |
| 15436 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Stanley |
How did Ryan use it? As an object? |
| 15437 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
As an object. |
| 15438 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Kelly |
Ryan used me an object. |
| 15439 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Stanley |
Is he right about that? |
| 15440 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Pam |
How did he use it again? |
| 15441 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Toby |
It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object. |
| 15442 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 15443 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Toby |
To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word. |
| 15444 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Michael |
No one, uh, asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull. |
| 15445 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2590 |
Ryan |
Wait! This doesn't matter. And I don't even care. Michael, you quit the other job, or you're fired here. |
| 15446 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2591 |
Michael |
I've never done this before. I've never quit anything in my life. So, you are filming history. |
| 15447 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Michael |
Nick, I had a dream last night that I had two full time jobs. One here at the Lipophedrazone diet pill company--- |
| 15448 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Mr. Figaro |
Lipophedrine |
| 15449 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Michael |
And the other I was a Regional Manager of a small paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15450 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Mr. Figaro |
Never heard of it. |
| 15451 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Michael |
In this dream I did both of these jobs beautifully, and I loved it, and everybody loved me. But the truth is, I can't do this. |
| 15452 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Mr. Figaro |
Are you quitting? |
| 15453 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Michael |
I am. |
| 15454 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2592 |
Mr. Figaro |
Come back anytime, don't forget to disinfect your headset. |
| 15455 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2593 |
Michael |
I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me. I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night. |
| 15456 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
So. |
| 15457 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
What's up? |
| 15458 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela's smoking hot body. |
| 15459 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
You're being gross. |
| 15460 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves. |
| 15461 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
What moves? |
| 15462 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times. |
| 15463 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
I can't believe that's not working. |
| 15464 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 15465 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
Um, I don't know if I really see you two together. |
| 15466 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain. |
| 15467 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
She's very religious. |
| 15468 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses. |
| 15469 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
Okay, well she takes her convictions pretty seriously, she can be kind of severe. |
| 15470 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall. |
| 15471 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Pam |
That's right, you did. |
| 15472 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2594 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 15473 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2595 |
Pam |
Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn't do that to Dwight... or Angela... or Andy. |
| 15474 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Michael |
Hey Kevin, you're a gambler right? A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses. |
| 15475 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Kevin |
I do gamble Michael. |
| 15476 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Michael |
Yeah, I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. You know, just a little bit of money. Maybe doubling it, and them doubling it seven more times. I don't know, kind of just for fun. I was thinking, do you have tips, or ideas about sure things. Like a boxer who is going to throw the big fight, you know, like, like he's tied into some crooked dealings, maybe his kid is sick or something. Like, who do I call about that? |
| 15477 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Kevin |
The mob. |
| 15478 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Michael |
Do you know anybody in the mob? |
| 15479 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2596 |
Michael |
Okay, um, Oscar, I'm going to need to take another advance on my salary. |
| 15480 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Kelly |
What do you mean you have plans tonight? |
| 15481 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Darryl |
I have my daughter tonight; we're renting Charlotte's Web. |
| 15482 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Kelly |
Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me. |
| 15483 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Darryl |
My daughter. |
| 15484 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Kelly |
Okay, I see how it is. Oops. |
| 15485 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2597 |
Darryl |
That was cold. |
| 15486 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Phyllis |
He's always been terrible with money. |
| 15487 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Stanley |
I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poor house. |
| 15488 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Kevin |
Yeah, women be shoppin'. |
| 15489 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Meredith |
I can't believe he has a second job. |
| 15490 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Oscar |
He's not even good at his first one. |
| 15491 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
Hey guys. |
| 15492 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Kevin |
Shh. |
| 15493 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
What'cha talking about? Okay, I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having s*x, what it looks like, I know, I think--- |
| 15494 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 15495 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey. |
| 15496 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Oscar |
Michael, are you having money problems? |
| 15497 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems? |
| 15498 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Oscar |
You heard me correctly. |
| 15499 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
Oh, I hate monkeys. |
| 15500 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Pam |
What's going on, why do you have a second job? |
| 15501 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Summers. |
| 15502 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Pam |
Doesn't Jan have money? |
| 15503 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual. |
| 15504 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Kevin |
True, it's best to hide our money problems from women. |
| 15505 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? |
| 15506 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Oscar, Stanley |
You just put it back in your pocket. |
| 15507 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2598 |
Michael |
Yeah, but I destroyed it, it's not even useable anymore. |
| 15508 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2599 |
Darryl |
Hey, let's call this what it is. |
| 15509 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2600 |
Darryl |
It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It's gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door. |
| 15510 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2601 |
Kelly |
Well, I just need to know where this is going. |
| 15511 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2601 |
Darryl |
Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing's run its course. |
| 15512 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2601 |
Kelly |
Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire--- |
| 15513 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2601 |
Darryl |
Slow down, think it over. |
| 15514 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2602 |
Kelly |
Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that? |
| 15515 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2603 |
Creed |
Hey cuz, heard you're having money problems. |
| 15516 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2603 |
Michael |
No you didn't. |
| 15517 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2603 |
Creed |
Listen, I've got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away. |
| 15518 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2604 |
Creed |
Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider. |
| 15519 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Michael |
How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose. |
| 15520 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Creed |
You don't go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up "get out of jail free" cards, those things cost thousands. |
| 15521 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Michael |
That is a good point. |
| 15522 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Creed |
Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate. |
| 15523 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Michael |
Like the witness protection program. |
| 15524 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Creed |
Exactly. |
| 15525 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2605 |
Oscar |
Not at all. |
| 15526 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2606 |
Michael |
I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I've already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That's the life. |
| 15527 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2607 |
Michael |
I... DECLARE... BANKRUPTCY! |
| 15528 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2608 |
Oscar |
Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen. |
| 15529 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2608 |
Michael |
I didn't say it, I declared it. |
| 15530 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2608 |
Oscar |
Still, that's not anything. |
| 15531 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Oscar |
This is a lot of credit card debt. |
| 15532 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Michael |
Yeah, tell me about it. |
| 15533 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Oscar |
Mmm. |
| 15534 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Michael |
You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she's using them as if I'm made of money, she thinks I'm a human ATM machine. |
| 15535 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Oscar |
Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon. |
| 15536 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Michael |
Oh, that's the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic. |
| 15537 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Oscar |
Twelve hundred dollars. What's a Core Blaster Extreme? |
| 15538 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2609 |
Michael |
That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that's how they got a core. |
| 15539 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2610 |
Andy |
I left a little present for Angela. I think she's going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game. |
| 15540 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Oscar |
Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house. |
| 15541 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Michael |
Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top. |
| 15542 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Oscar |
The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that. |
| 15543 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 15544 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Oscar |
This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment. |
| 15545 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2611 |
Michael |
How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point? |
| 15546 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2612 |
Pam |
Man, Angela really had a hold on him. Angela. |
| 15547 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Oscar |
Michael, I'm going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy. |
| 15548 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Michael |
No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this. |
| 15549 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Oscar |
She has to know. |
| 15550 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Michael |
We will find another way, we'll ask power-point. |
| 15551 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Oscar |
Michael, this is a presentation tool. |
| 15552 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Michael |
You're a presentation tool if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this. |
| 15553 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Oscar |
I'm done! |
| 15554 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Michael |
No you're not! Ok, just... you're not a tool. Look, we'll tell her that it's bad, but it could've been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half. |
| 15555 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Oscar |
Jan is smart. |
| 15556 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2613 |
Michael |
She poses. |
| 15557 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Jim |
Dwight, how's the hotel business? |
| 15558 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Dwight |
Stupid. |
| 15559 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Jim |
Have you checked Trip Advisor recently? |
| 15560 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 15561 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Jim |
Maybe you should. |
| 15562 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2614 |
Dwight |
Maybe you should. Whatever. |
| 15563 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2615 |
Pam |
We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times. |
| 15564 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2615 |
Jim |
The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings. |
| 15565 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2615 |
Pam |
Table making never seemed so possible. |
| 15566 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2615 |
Jim |
You will never want to leave your room. |
| 15567 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2615 |
Pam |
The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm. |
| 15568 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2616 |
Dwight |
I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. |
| 15569 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2616 |
Pam |
We really did. It was fun. |
| 15570 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Oscar |
So due to Michael's clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt. |
| 15571 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
You're broke? |
| 15572 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Michael |
Um, that's, how did you get that from what Oscar's saying? |
| 15573 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don't, I don't get this. I really don't. I don't know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don't know what more to say. |
| 15574 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Oscar |
Jan. |
| 15575 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
Yeah, what? |
| 15576 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Oscar |
Michael left. |
| 15577 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
Okay, where did he go? |
| 15578 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Oscar |
I don't know. |
| 15579 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
Well, is he coming right back? |
| 15580 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Oscar |
I don't think so. |
| 15581 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2617 |
Jan |
I'll be right there. |
| 15582 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2618 |
Michael |
What am I doing? I am blowing dodge. I'm getting out of town. Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. |
| 15583 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2619 |
Angela |
You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood. |
| 15584 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2620 |
Pam |
Dwight. |
| 15585 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Dwight |
Uhh-mmm |
| 15586 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Jim |
Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? |
| 15587 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Dwight |
No you didn't. |
| 15588 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Jim |
Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. |
| 15589 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Dwight |
Mmm-uh-mm |
| 15590 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2621 |
Jim |
Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you. |
| 15591 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Pam |
Hey, I was thinking about dinner--- |
| 15592 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Jim |
Ah, dinner. Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place, where the drive-in used to be. |
| 15593 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 15594 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 15595 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 15596 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2622 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 15597 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2623 |
Pam |
Jim's just really passionate about Italian food. |
| 15598 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2624 |
Jim |
Yep, I'm very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I'm in love with Italian food. |
| 15599 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2625 |
Oscar |
Jan, he went running that way. |
| 15600 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2625 |
Jan |
Alright. |
| 15601 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
Runaway train, never come back. Runaway and I'm never coming back. |
| 15602 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Michael. |
| 15603 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
Hey Jan. |
| 15604 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
What's going on? |
| 15605 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
Not much, what's up with you? |
| 15606 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Well, why are you sitting on a train? Where are you going? |
| 15607 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
I'm out of answers Jan. |
| 15608 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
What does that mean? |
| 15609 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
I told you, no more answers. This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you. |
| 15610 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Michael, come on. Running away from your problems won't solve anything. You know that. |
| 15611 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
I don't know that. |
| 15612 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world, electronically. |
| 15613 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
I'll stay off the grid. |
| 15614 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Uh, Michael, come on, come on, you can deal with this. It's not that bad. |
| 15615 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
Yeah it is, it is. I really messed up. |
| 15616 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Well, when my life fell apart and they, and they screwed me in New York, and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, I didn't have anyone. I mean, my whole family still won't even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, and my friends were just waiting for this to happen. |
| 15617 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
That's really nice of you to say. |
| 15618 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Jan |
Michael, no, what I want to say is you were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought. That's just who you are. I mean, no matter how badly I treat you, or what I'm going through, you just, you are there for me. And that is a guy worth staying beside. So, where's this train taking us? |
| 15619 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2626 |
Michael |
I think the engineer left. |
| 15620 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2627 |
Dwight |
Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies. Okay, sure, yeah I can take care of that right now. |
| 15621 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2628 |
Michael |
Don't sell your implants please. |
| 15622 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2628 |
Jan |
I'm keeping them. I know you like them. They're kind of uncomfortable though. |
| 15623 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2628 |
Michael |
That's nice though. |
| 15624 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2628 |
Jan |
It's kind of painful and my nipples are over-sensitive now. |
| 15625 |
4 |
7 |
Money (Parts 1&2) |
2628 |
Michael |
It looks cute though. |
| 15626 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2629 |
Michael |
Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis! |
| 15627 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2629 |
Phyllis |
Dancing babies! |
| 15628 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2629 |
Michael |
Dancing babies! I love it! I love it! |
| 15629 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2630 |
Michael |
We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby. |
| 15630 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Andy |
Best ad ever. Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing? |
| 15631 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Jim |
Nobody tell him! |
| 15632 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Andy |
What? No, why? |
| 15633 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Jim |
You got it, you're so close! |
| 15634 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Andy |
Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce. |
| 15635 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Jim |
Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think... |
| 15636 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Andy |
Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car. |
| 15637 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 15638 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Andy |
Football cream. Grr! |
| 15639 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Michael |
Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else? |
| 15640 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Pam |
I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo. |
| 15641 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2631 |
Michael |
Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good. |
| 15642 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Michael |
Hello hello! |
| 15643 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Ad guy 1 |
Hey, how ya doin'? |
| 15644 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Michael |
Michael Scott. |
| 15645 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Ad guy 2 |
Hey, Michael. |
| 15646 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Michael |
Regional manager. |
| 15647 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Ad guy 2 |
Hey Michael, nice to meet you |
| 15648 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Michael |
Excited to talk ideas. |
| 15649 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Ad guy 1 |
Let's do it, man. |
| 15650 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Michael |
You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing. |
| 15651 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2632 |
Ad guy 1 |
That sounds great. |
| 15652 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
All right, good, well this is what we have to work with. |
| 15653 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out? |
| 15654 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Andy |
Hoo hoo hoo-hoo! |
| 15655 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
He gives the best back rubs in the office. |
| 15656 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Andy |
It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy . Not! You just got 'Nard dogged! |
| 15657 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe. |
| 15658 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Stanley |
Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you? |
| 15659 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima. |
| 15660 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun. |
| 15661 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Kevin |
Mama Bear! |
| 15662 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2633 |
Michael |
Who else? |
| 15663 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2634 |
Jim |
I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide. |
| 15664 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2635 |
Jim |
You playing that game again? |
| 15665 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2635 |
Dwight |
Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers. |
| 15666 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2635 |
Jim |
Oh it has losers. |
| 15667 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2636 |
Dwight |
I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly. |
| 15668 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further--- |
| 15669 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
Okay I can tell that your time is valuable--- |
| 15670 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so... |
| 15671 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
That all sounds really, really ambitious. |
| 15672 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know. |
| 15673 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch? |
| 15674 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
Mmm. Okay. |
| 15675 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! Whoa. |
| 15676 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
That's what we came up with. |
| 15677 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
Well we can do better than that. |
| 15678 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 2 |
Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually. |
| 15679 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway. |
| 15680 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Michael |
The waving? |
| 15681 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2637 |
Ad guy 1 |
Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative. |
| 15682 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Andy |
I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base? |
| 15683 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Dwight |
We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us. |
| 15684 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Andy |
We'll use code names. |
| 15685 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Dwight |
Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight. |
| 15686 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Andy |
That's not different enough. |
| 15687 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2638 |
Dwight |
Dwike? |
| 15688 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Receptionist |
You have a call from Eddie Murphy. |
| 15689 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
Hello? |
| 15690 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry. |
| 15691 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 15692 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Okay, calm down. I have a small problem. |
| 15693 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
I told you not to call about small problems. |
| 15694 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas. |
| 15695 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
That's good. They're creative, you're not. |
| 15696 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
I'm creative, Ryan. |
| 15697 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant. |
| 15698 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store. |
| 15699 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right? |
| 15700 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 15701 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Ryan |
But I'm good at managing people who do sales . |
| 15702 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2639 |
Michael |
Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity. |
| 15703 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2640 |
Michael |
All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet. |
| 15704 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Michael |
Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today. |
| 15705 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Ad guy 2 |
Okay, when should we come back? |
| 15706 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Michael |
How about never hundred hours, sir. |
| 15707 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Ad guy 2 |
We were sent here to help out. |
| 15708 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Ad guy 1 |
Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude. |
| 15709 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2641 |
Michael |
Hey thanks. Thank you. |
| 15710 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
David Wallace |
Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people? |
| 15711 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again. |
| 15712 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
Ryan |
I'm on Michael. |
| 15713 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
Michael |
What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime. |
| 15714 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
David Wallace |
This is weird. |
| 15715 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
Michael |
I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it. |
| 15716 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
David Wallace |
Okay, I'll see it tomorrow. |
| 15717 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2642 |
Michael |
Okay. And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way. |
| 15718 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2643 |
Michael |
Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"? |
| 15719 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2643 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 15720 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2643 |
Michael |
Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with. |
| 15721 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2643 |
Jim |
Who are you talking to, specifically? |
| 15722 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2644 |
Kevin |
I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man. |
| 15723 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2645 |
Oscar |
When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain. |
| 15724 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2646 |
Meredith |
I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around. |
| 15725 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2647 |
Michael |
We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area. |
| 15726 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Phyllis |
Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now. |
| 15727 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Michael |
Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer. |
| 15728 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Phyllis |
Okay. |
| 15729 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Andy |
Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-? |
| 15730 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Creed |
She's crazy hot. |
| 15731 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Andy |
Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice? |
| 15732 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2648 |
Angela |
That's not happening. |
| 15733 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2649 |
Angela |
I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated. |
| 15734 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2650 |
Phyllis |
Bye everyone. |
| 15735 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2650 |
Michael |
Line it up Phyllis. |
| 15736 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2650 |
Creed |
Get her Phyll. |
| 15737 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Darryl |
Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. |
| 15738 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly, Darryl |
Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. |
| 15739 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Darryl |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15740 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly |
The people person's paper people. |
| 15741 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Darryl |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15742 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly |
The people person's paper people. |
| 15743 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Michael |
Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap. |
| 15744 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Darryl |
What's rap? |
| 15745 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Michael |
Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix. |
| 15746 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2651 |
Darryl |
Great. |
| 15747 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2652 |
Andy |
News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later. |
| 15748 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 15749 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
No talk, I'm animating. |
| 15750 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality. |
| 15751 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
Are you serious? |
| 15752 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 15753 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
Oh my God, he's really in pain. |
| 15754 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
Who's that? |
| 15755 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever. |
| 15756 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that? |
| 15757 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so--- |
| 15758 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too. |
| 15759 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 15760 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar. |
| 15761 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
I... why don't we go back to this animation. |
| 15762 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim. |
| 15763 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Jim |
Ah, show me how this works. |
| 15764 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2653 |
Pam |
Oh boy. |
| 15765 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Darryl |
Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15766 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly |
The people person's paper people. |
| 15767 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Darryl |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15768 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly |
The people person's paper people. |
| 15769 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Michael |
Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music. |
| 15770 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Darryl |
You're right, it's better than you! It's us! Dunder Mifflin. |
| 15771 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly |
The people person's paper people. |
| 15772 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Michael |
No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible. |
| 15773 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Darryl |
You're on your own, Mike. |
| 15774 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl. |
| 15775 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Darryl |
You just said you hated it. |
| 15776 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2654 |
Michael |
No. I said I hate the, the style. |
| 15777 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Andy |
Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar. |
| 15778 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Michael |
Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible. |
| 15779 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Andy |
Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon. |
| 15780 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Michael |
Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis? |
| 15781 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Phyllis |
Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer. |
| 15782 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Michael |
That'a girl. |
| 15783 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Phyllis |
So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends. |
| 15784 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Michael |
Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton? |
| 15785 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Phyllis |
No. |
| 15786 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2655 |
Michael |
Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please? |
| 15787 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2656 |
Jim |
I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one. |
| 15788 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2656 |
Pam |
Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet. |
| 15789 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2656 |
Jim |
Okay. Do you want me to stay? |
| 15790 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2656 |
Pam |
No no, you can go home. I'm good. |
| 15791 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2657 |
Jim |
Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home. |
| 15792 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2657 |
Meredith |
You comin'? |
| 15793 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2657 |
Jim |
I, ah... |
| 15794 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2657 |
Meredith |
Piss or get off the pot! |
| 15795 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2658 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 15796 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2658 |
Jim |
Good morning. Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns. |
| 15797 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2658 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 15798 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2658 |
Jim |
You're welcome. |
| 15799 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2659 |
Pam |
I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide. |
| 15800 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Andy |
Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night. |
| 15801 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Dwight |
Andy, I can't hear this right now. |
| 15802 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Andy |
No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, "Oh D, oh D." |
| 15803 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Dwight |
She called you D? |
| 15804 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Andy |
Yeah. D for Andy. |
| 15805 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Dwight |
Oh D. |
| 15806 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Andy |
Oh D. |
| 15807 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Dwight |
Oh D. |
| 15808 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Andy |
Oh D! |
| 15809 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2660 |
Both |
Ohhhhhh D! Ohhhh D! |
| 15810 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2661 |
Michael |
I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay. |
| 15811 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2661 |
Pam |
Yes? |
| 15812 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2661 |
Michael |
Pam, please clear my phone lines. |
| 15813 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2661 |
Pam |
Certainly. Okay, clear. |
| 15814 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2661 |
Michael |
They could call at any second now. Oh God...I better call. |
| 15815 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2662 |
Michael |
Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest! |
| 15816 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2663 |
Everyone |
Oh! |
| 15817 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2663 |
Bartender |
Hey it seemed like a big hit. |
| 15818 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2663 |
Michael |
No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real. |
| 15819 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2664 |
Jim |
Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player? |
| 15820 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2665 |
Jim |
Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it. |
| 15821 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2666 |
Michael's Ad |
It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time , and bad news isn't always what it seems. Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. To score. Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world. |
| 15822 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Jim |
Animation? All her by the way. |
| 15823 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Bartender |
Really? |
| 15824 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Jim |
I just thought you should--- |
| 15825 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Bartender |
The animation was cool. |
| 15826 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 15827 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Bartender |
Hey listen, you ever been on a motorcycle? |
| 15828 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2667 |
Jim |
Ahh. |
| 15829 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2668 |
Kevin |
Michael, that was fun. |
| 15830 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2668 |
Michael |
That was fun. Next round of drinks is on me, people! |
| 15831 |
4 |
9 |
Local Ad |
2669 |
Andy |
Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy Feast! Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it. |
| 15832 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2670 |
Rolando |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Rolando. Oh yes, she's been expecting your call. |
| 15833 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2670 |
Karen |
Yeah. |
| 15834 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2670 |
Rolando |
Karen? He's on line one. |
| 15835 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2670 |
Karen |
Thanks Ro. Hey, we finally connected. How's Scranton? |
| 15836 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2671 |
Karen |
I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else. |
| 15837 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2672 |
Karen |
Look, All I'm saying is it would be a great opportunity, and we'd love to have you come aboard. So think about it, okay? Okay, bye. |
| 15838 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2673 |
Karen |
Look, for the record, a certain Scranton salesman approached me, okay? |
| 15839 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
This is perfect. |
| 15840 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Dwight |
He looks like your twin. |
| 15841 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
This is a dummy, a la Ferris Bueller's Day Off. We have tied a string to the wrist, which goes to the door. When somebody opens the door, the hand goes down, hits the remote, turns on the tape recorder, which is me snoring. Now nobody knows whether I am here, or whether I am gone. |
| 15842 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Dwight |
I will know. |
| 15843 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
But, you will not tell anyone. |
| 15844 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Dwight |
I won't need to because we'll be together playing hooky. Yeah. |
| 15845 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
Well, sometimes. Most of the time I will be with Ryan, or Darryl. Yes? Oh good, good Stanley! First victim, this is what I want you to do. Go out, come back in. We're going to hide. I want you to tell me if this looks like me, okay? |
| 15846 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Stanley |
I don't understand why sleeping at your desk is better than you not being here. |
| 15847 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
Just go out, and come back in. |
| 15848 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Stanley |
I got an offer from Utica for more money, and I'm going to take it. |
| 15849 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2674 |
Michael |
What? |
| 15850 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Michael |
Hey everyone, can I have your attention please? I just thought you all should know that Stanley Hudson is planning on leaving us, because our old friend Karen from Utica is going to give him more money to work there. |
| 15851 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, no-no, no no. You completely misinterpreted my tone, this is a horrible thing. Clearly, Karen is trying to get back at us because Jim dumped her. |
| 15852 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Jim |
Oh, I don't think that is what's happening. |
| 15853 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Michael |
Okay, smarty pants, then why? Why is she trying to take Stanley from us? |
| 15854 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Stanley |
I think it's because of my sales record. |
| 15855 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2675 |
Michael |
That could not possibly be it. |
| 15856 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2676 |
Michael |
You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big watery red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left, and if Utica thinks that they are going to poach Stanley, they have another thing coming. |
| 15857 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Michael |
How can I get you to stay? |
| 15858 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Stanley |
Money. |
| 15859 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Michael |
Yeah we all want money. But there is none in the budget, so... Tell me why you're really leaving. |
| 15860 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Stanley |
Money. |
| 15861 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Michael |
Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were- |
| 15862 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Stanley |
Money. |
| 15863 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2677 |
Michael |
Pssh, kay. |
| 15864 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2678 |
Pam |
Oscar, did you bring it? |
| 15865 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2678 |
Oscar |
To be Edwardian. His best work. |
| 15866 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2678 |
Pam |
Okay, well I have the tablecloth, don't forget the flatware. |
| 15867 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2678 |
Oscar |
Sure thing Pam, can't wait. |
| 15868 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2679 |
Pam |
Oscar, Toby, and I are founding members of the Finer Things Club. We meet once a month to discuss books and art, celebrate culture in a very civilized way. Sometimes the debate can get heated, but we're always respectful. There is no paper, no plastic, and no work talk allowed. It's very exclusive. |
| 15869 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2680 |
Oscar |
Besides having s*x with men, I would say that the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me. |
| 15870 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2681 |
Jim |
So tell me again why I can't be part of your club? |
| 15871 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2681 |
Pam |
Because some people think you monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny. |
| 15872 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2681 |
Jim |
Oscar? |
| 15873 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2681 |
Pam |
Some people. |
| 15874 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
Hello? |
| 15875 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
Fillipellers, how's it hanging? |
| 15876 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
Michael... |
| 15877 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
To the left? |
| 15878 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
Listen, I- |
| 15879 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
To the right? |
| 15880 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
I'm- |
| 15881 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
Okay, enough small talk, go ahead. |
| 15882 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
You called me. |
| 15883 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
Yes, listen, um... You cannot tear Stanley from his family like this. |
| 15884 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
I'm pretty sure his family's coming with him. |
| 15885 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
No, his work family. Look, this is very hard for me, but I'm going to give you my best man. You may have Toby. |
| 15886 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
Toby's not a salesperson. |
| 15887 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
You can train him. He's very very smart, and funny, and charming... You know, I can't do it, Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff, um... Listen, if you are going to poach one of my guys, I'm going to poach one of yours. |
| 15888 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Karen |
Oooh. Good-bye Michael. |
| 15889 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2682 |
Michael |
Okay, good-bye. Wait! Wait! Karen, could you transfer me to one of your salespeople please? Your best one? |
| 15890 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Pam |
I have Ben Nugent on the line, he is the top salesman in Utica. |
| 15891 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Michael |
Hi Ben, Michael Scott. |
| 15892 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Ben |
Hi Michael. |
| 15893 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Michael |
I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I'm a genie in a bottle, and I'm going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend. |
| 15894 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Ben |
Aren't you the guy that hit the woman with your car? |
| 15895 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Michael |
Get out. Uh, yeah. I also saved her life, but I guess that's not as grabby. |
| 15896 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Ben |
Everyone says Scranton branch is worse than Camden. Didn't everyone from Stanford quit, like immediately? |
| 15897 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Michael |
No, I fired them, and your next. ... So what do you say? |
| 15898 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2683 |
Ben |
Seriously? |
| 15899 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2684 |
Michael |
What is that guy talking about? Scranton is not lame. Scranton is the cool, fun branch. We're like Animal House. |
| 15900 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Dwight |
Found him! |
| 15901 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Michael |
Jim, we're getting crapped on. Word is that our branch sucks, and we have to do something about it. |
| 15902 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Jim |
So what are you going to do? |
| 15903 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Michael |
What are we going to do? We are going to make a monster sale, that's what we're going to do. Corcroan dropped Staples. |
| 15904 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Jim |
Did they? |
| 15905 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Michael |
Yes they did, oh yes they did, and we are going to murder it. You, me, Dwight are going to jump into my PT Cruiser, and we're going to crush this sale. We're going to prove, what the hell is that music? |
| 15906 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Pam |
It's Vivaldi, for Finer Things. |
| 15907 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2685 |
Michael |
That's the problem, that's the problem. We need rock n' roll Pam, rock n' roll. Alright? Oh... My... God, that's why people are leaving. I- I have no words. |
| 15908 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Jim |
We just passed the exit for Corcroan. |
| 15909 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
What? What? We did? |
| 15910 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Dwight, Michael |
Surprise! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. |
| 15911 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
Look at his face! Look at his face! |
| 15912 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Jim |
What are we doing? |
| 15913 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Dwight |
Egg dripping, blah, blah, blah. |
| 15914 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
What are we doing, Dwight, what we are doing? |
| 15915 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Dwight |
Well, gee, Jim, I don't know, I guess there's no sales call today. |
| 15916 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
We are going on a panty raid to Utica, is what we're doing. |
| 15917 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Jim |
We're going to Utica? |
| 15918 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
Uh-huh. |
| 15919 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Jim |
I'm not going to Utica right now. |
| 15920 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
Yes you are. Oh, buckle up Jim. |
| 15921 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Jim |
No. |
| 15922 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael |
We are going to make Karen wish that she had never been dumped by you. |
| 15923 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2686 |
Michael, Dwight |
Utica! Utica! Utica! |
| 15924 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Michael, Dwight |
Utica! Utica! |
| 15925 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Michael |
In your face |
| 15926 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Dwight |
Yow! |
| 15927 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Jim |
I can't believe you guys. I'm not going to go further piss off my ex-girlfriend. |
| 15928 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Michael |
Are you calling Karen? |
| 15929 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Jim |
No, I'm not calling Karen. |
| 15930 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Dwight |
He's lying. |
| 15931 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Michael |
Yep, get it. |
| 15932 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Jim |
What are you doing? Stop it, Dwight! |
| 15933 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Dwight |
Gah-ah-hah-ha! |
| 15934 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Jim |
Are you kidding me? |
| 15935 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Dwight |
No communication with the outside world Jim. |
| 15936 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Michael |
It had to be done, it had to be done. |
| 15937 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Jim |
Well, that kind of sucks, because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it, so... |
| 15938 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2687 |
Dwight |
Oh no, that is too bad. Shoot. |
| 15939 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 15940 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Hey Dwight, he found it. |
| 15941 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
You know what? I'm just going to call a cab from here. |
| 15942 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Alright, you're going to miss the best prank ever. |
| 15943 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
Alright. Wait, what are you planning on doing? |
| 15944 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Do you really wanna know? |
| 15945 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
Oh, God. |
| 15946 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Follow me, come here. Here's what we brought, we brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought silly string, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs. |
| 15947 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Dwight |
Or real bombs. |
| 15948 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
No, no, not real bombs. |
| 15949 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Dwight |
Yeah, come on, it will be so badass. |
| 15950 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Uh, maybe, maybe, I don't know. |
| 15951 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
No. |
| 15952 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
It could be badass. Yeah, it will. |
| 15953 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
No, no absolutely we are not doing this. |
| 15954 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Dwight |
Come on, I already filled the bottles with the gas, it's going to be so badass. |
| 15955 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Jim |
Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this stuff in the trunk the whole time? |
| 15956 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2688 |
Michael |
Teach her to offer Stanley more money. |
| 15957 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2689 |
Jim |
So the deal was, Dwight doesn't blow anything up, and I wear a costume. And a moustache. |
| 15958 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the s*x? |
| 15959 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
What? |
| 15960 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
I can't imagine the s*x being bad, I mean her body is... |
| 15961 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? |
| 15962 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
...awesome. |
| 15963 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Why don't we play that alphabet game that you were talking about? |
| 15964 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
Okay, I will start. Um, "A." "A" my name is Alan, and my wife's name is Alice, we live in Alaska, and we sell... Damn it! What do we sell? Um... |
| 15965 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
It doesn't matter. |
| 15966 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
I'm trying to think of what we could sell. |
| 15967 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Doesn't matter. |
| 15968 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
Ah, la, la, la. What is that? That sound... The air-conditioning leaking or something? |
| 15969 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
That doesn't make sense, couldn't be. |
| 15970 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
What is that? Dwight, are you peeing? |
| 15971 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Dwight |
I'm peeing in this empty can. |
| 15972 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Oh my God! |
| 15973 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
Come on man, that is disgusting Dwight! |
| 15974 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Dwight |
Well you said that we couldn't make anymore stops, and I really had to go. |
| 15975 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Michael, watch the road! |
| 15976 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Dwight |
Hey, you're making me spray! |
| 15977 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
I'll kill you man! |
| 15978 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Michael! Michael, pull over! |
| 15979 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Michael |
That is just so disgusting! |
| 15980 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Jim |
Pull over, pull over! |
| 15981 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2690 |
Dwight |
I think I cut my pen1s on the lid! |
| 15982 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Oscar |
Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside? |
| 15983 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Toby |
I know right? I just want to go, and look at art, and swim in the Adriatic. |
| 15984 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Pam |
And spend time with George Emerson. That's what I would do. I mean it's the best male protagonist we've read, right? |
| 15985 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Andy |
Totally, I mean, come on, such a free spirit. |
| 15986 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Oscar |
What are you doing? |
| 15987 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Andy |
Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forester novel. Pam, these finger sandwiches look finger-lickin' delicious Pam. |
| 15988 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2691 |
Pam |
Uh, I'm sorry Andy, but this is a closed club. |
| 15989 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2692 |
Andy |
The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The party planning committee is my back up, and Kevin's band is my safety. |
| 15990 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2693 |
Andy |
Fine. I'll just sit here, in the common area, and read my book. Which just happens to be the very same book you're reading. |
| 15991 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2693 |
Toby |
Alright, just know that you're not in the Finer Things Club. |
| 15992 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2693 |
Andy |
Why can't I be in the club? |
| 15993 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
I can't believe we're here, I can't believe this is happening. |
| 15994 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Dwight |
Believe it. |
| 15995 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Michael |
Afro wig, do you want the afro wig? |
| 15996 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
No, Michael. I'm not leaving the car. |
| 15997 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Michael |
Yeah, Dwight, here's how it's going to go down. You and I- |
| 15998 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
Guy's going by. Shh. |
| 15999 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Michael |
You and I are going to sneak inside and pretend that we are warehouse workers. And then we will silly string the beejeezus out of the place. |
| 16000 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Dwight |
And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guy in the eye with the jumbo chalk. |
| 16001 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
No, no, you won't do that. Nope. |
| 16002 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Dwight |
Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes. |
| 16003 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
Dwight, nothing with the eyes, please? |
| 16004 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Dwight |
Okay, Jim. |
| 16005 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
Oh my God, that's her! That's her, go, go, go. |
| 16006 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Dwight |
Let's move! Move, move, move, move! |
| 16007 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2694 |
Jim |
Shut up, you, shut up! This is the dumbest thing we've ever done. |
| 16008 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Pam |
I think it's interesting how Forster uses Italy to represent sexuality and passion. And that also brought up themes of, uh, you know, fate and coincidence. And Lucy's torn between these two things. She's torn between passion and convention. |
| 16009 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Kevin |
Damn it! |
| 16010 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Pam |
It just- To be making a case for passion in Edwardian times, I thought was, uh... |
| 16011 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 16012 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Kevin |
Damn it! |
| 16013 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Pam |
Maybe sort of ahead of his time as a writer. |
| 16014 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Oscar |
Very brave. |
| 16015 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Pam |
Very brave choice also, I thought. |
| 16016 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Oscar |
And George, his- his youthfulness. His, um, freedom. Evokes, um, um, feeling, um, to the, um... What are you microwaving!? |
| 16017 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Phyllis |
Popcorn. |
| 16018 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Pam |
Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen, Phyllis? |
| 16019 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2695 |
Phyllis |
Someone needs to clean it. It smells like popcorn. |
| 16020 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2696 |
Andy |
So, Stanley, are you really outta here? |
| 16021 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2696 |
Stanley |
Yep, looks that way. |
| 16022 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2696 |
Andy |
I'm gonna miss you man, you've been like an uncle to me. Like a kind old uncle Remus. I wanna stay in touch. |
| 16023 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Michael |
We are in a stairwell. |
| 16024 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
We are climbing some stairs. |
| 16025 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
I'm breathing heavily. |
| 16026 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? You don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me. |
| 16027 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
Well... |
| 16028 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Michael |
There's a guy, there's a guy. |
| 16029 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
There's a security guard coming by. Hello, we're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof? |
| 16030 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Michael |
Oh my God, oh my God, that was very close. |
| 16031 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
I can see the security guard's eyes. |
| 16032 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Jim |
No, no, don't do anything to them. |
| 16033 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2697 |
Dwight |
I have to do something to his eyes. |
| 16034 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2698 |
Dwight |
The eyes are the groin of the head. |
| 16035 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Alright, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home. |
| 16036 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
We found something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier. |
| 16037 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Isn't that thing huge? |
| 16038 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall, into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running. |
| 16039 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
No, that is a terrible idea, don't do this. |
| 16040 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Aha! |
| 16041 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Dwight |
My hip bone! |
| 16042 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
We're wedged between the copier and the railing. Ah! Ow! Ow, my leg! Jim leave us. |
| 16043 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Dwight |
Don't leave us! |
| 16044 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Save yourself! |
| 16045 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Dwight |
Don't leave us, help us, we need help Jim! |
| 16046 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Okay! First of all, stop using my name. And second of all- |
| 16047 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Dwight, you gotta move! |
| 16048 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Damn it guys! |
| 16049 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Dwight, could you move over a little bit. |
| 16050 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Dwight |
I'm losing control of my bladder. |
| 16051 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Oh my God, oh my God, Karen is back! |
| 16052 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Dwight |
Did you say Karen? |
| 16053 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Take her to a motel, make love to her Jim. |
| 16054 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
No, I'm not doing that. |
| 16055 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
Just say you wanna get back together. |
| 16056 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
No, I'm not doing that! |
| 16057 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Michael |
It doesn't have to mean anything. Just, do it for Stanley. Come on Jim, just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Ah, Jim, if this is it for me, promise me something, host the Dundies. |
| 16058 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Karen |
Jim? |
| 16059 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2699 |
Jim |
Hey Karen. |
| 16060 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Karen |
Uh, what are you doing here? |
| 16061 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Jim |
First of all, hi. |
| 16062 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Karen |
What are you doing here? |
| 16063 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Jim |
You good? I'm just checking on the other branches. Michael wants me to do that from time to time, so... |
| 16064 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Dwight |
Do not tell Karen about the industrial copier. |
| 16065 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2700 |
Jim |
Copy that. |
| 16066 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2701 |
Karen |
I cried for weeks over that guy, so yeah, seeing him climb out of a PT Cruiser in a ladies warehouse uniform, felt pretty good. |
| 16067 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
Let me ask you, did you accomplish what you wanted? |
| 16068 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Dwight |
Listen lady, you can expect these kind of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people. |
| 16069 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
I'm taking Stanley. |
| 16070 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Dwight |
Then we will burn Utica to the ground. |
| 16071 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Michael |
Dwight. Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn Utica to the ground. |
| 16072 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
Jim, hang on a second? |
| 16073 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
Yes? |
| 16074 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
So you're still doing this kind of stuff, huh? |
| 16075 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
Yeah, trying to quit though. |
| 16076 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
If you wanted to see me, you could have just called me like an adult. |
| 16077 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
Oh no, I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not happy seeing you, right now, I'm just saying ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal, I'd say it was equal. So, good to see you... |
| 16078 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
I mean, it's just that- You know, Pam and I are still dating, so, and, I just mean that things are going really well, so I didn't want to see... you... |
| 16079 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
Oh, things are going really well? Are they? They are? That's great, that's so great. I wanna hear more about how happy you are with Pam. Can you tell me more about that? Thank you so much for coming to Utica, and breaking my copier, and telling me how well things are going in your relationship, really, thank you. |
| 16080 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
Alright, you are welcome. I'm going to go because of, um, traffic. |
| 16081 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Karen |
Traffic, yeah. Oh, def- go, go because of traffic, definitely, beat-beat the traffic, mm-hmm. |
| 16082 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2702 |
Jim |
I... will... |
| 16083 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2703 |
Michael |
We tried and we failed. Stanley, you may go. Here is a box, for your things, but I doubt that that box will be able to contain all the memories that you have of this place. Fly away sweet little bird, fly away and be free. Pam, I'm gonna need some help writing a want ad. |
| 16084 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2704 |
Michael |
Um, wanted: middle aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart. I can't do this. |
| 16085 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2704 |
Stanley |
Michael? A word? |
| 16086 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2704 |
Michael |
Of course. |
| 16087 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2704 |
Stanley |
I changed my mind, I wanna keep this job. |
| 16088 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2704 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 16089 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2705 |
Stanley |
I wasn't really planning on leaving, all I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? Sometimes I say crazy things. |
| 16090 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2706 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 16091 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2706 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry, Rolando told me everything. How humiliating. Would it help you to return to another age? A time of refinement, and civility. |
| 16092 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2706 |
Jim |
Are you inviting me to the Finer Things Club? |
| 16093 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2706 |
Andy |
Oh-oh, come on! |
| 16094 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Angela's Ashes, top o' the morning to us. Frankie's prose is funnier than a pot of gold, say I. |
| 16095 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Oscar |
Okay, did you get it out of your system. |
| 16096 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Yep. No, I mean I really liked it. I thought was uh, a fun read. |
| 16097 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Toby |
Fun? |
| 16098 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 16099 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Toby |
Really? |
| 16100 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 16101 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Toby |
What was fun about it for you? Was it the death of the twins? |
| 16102 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
No, that wasn't fun. |
| 16103 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Toby |
Did you even read it? |
| 16104 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Of course I read it. |
| 16105 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Oscar |
How does it end? |
| 16106 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Toby |
Who was the main character? |
| 16107 |
4 |
10 |
Branch Wars |
2707 |
Jim |
Angela. Nope. The ashes. |
| 16108 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2708 |
Toby |
I really didn't think I was going to have a good time, but I did. Totally did. |
| 16109 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2708 |
Meredith |
I love camping. Anything can happen. |
| 16110 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2708 |
Toby |
Oh, it wasn't camping, it was more of a wilderness retreat. |
| 16111 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2708 |
Michael |
Morning. |
| 16112 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2708 |
Toby |
Michael. |
| 16113 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2709 |
Pam |
Ryan invited some of the branch managers and Toby into the woods for a "get to know you" weekend. Michael wasn't invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him. |
| 16114 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2710 |
Pam |
Did you sleep in cabins? |
| 16115 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2710 |
Toby |
Under the stars. It was really beautiful, you should come. |
| 16116 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2710 |
Phyllis |
Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once. |
| 16117 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2711 |
Phyllis |
Michael wasn't invited on Ryan's camping trip. Toby went, but Michael didn't go. He wasn't invited. |
| 16118 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2712 |
Pam |
Who went? |
| 16119 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2712 |
Toby |
Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm, Jeff from Albany and Ryan, obviously. Made so many s'mores, that I finally had to say, "No more s'mores, no more s'mores." |
| 16120 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2713 |
Toby |
Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience |
| 16121 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2713 |
Michael |
Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up. |
| 16122 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2713 |
Toby |
Michael wasn't invited. |
| 16123 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2714 |
Michael |
Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping, and you know what hypothetical means? Not real. |
| 16124 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2714 |
Jim |
Got it. |
| 16125 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2714 |
Michael |
So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go? |
| 16126 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2714 |
Jim |
Absolutely, yes. |
| 16127 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2715 |
Jim |
When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. |
| 16128 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2716 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 16129 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2716 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 16130 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2716 |
Michael |
Oh, you wanna go today? |
| 16131 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2717 |
Jim |
And I am always busy. |
| 16132 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
Oh, can't go today, 'cause I'm donating blood. |
| 16133 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
How often can you actually donate blood? |
| 16134 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
Is there a limit? |
| 16135 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
Your body only has a certain amount. |
| 16136 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
Well, is that it? Or? |
| 16137 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
Yeah, just this whole Toby, camping thing, uh, seems a little lame. |
| 16138 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
How so? |
| 16139 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
A bunch of guys, in a tent? Making s'mores? |
| 16140 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 16141 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
Hello, I'm Broken Mountain. You know, here's the thing. That's not how you go camping. I think you go camping by yourself--- |
| 16142 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 16143 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
In the wilderness. It's not with a group of guys frolicking around in tents. It's one guy, or two guys, if your plans change. |
| 16144 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
Not gonna change. |
| 16145 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
I wanna do it myself. You know, I want to go and, and find out something about myself, I wanna get outta here. All the cliques, and the office politics. Fluorescent lights. Asbestos. |
| 16146 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Jim |
I thought we had that looked at. |
| 16147 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2718 |
Michael |
I'm sick of it Jim. I'm sick of this place. |
| 16148 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2719 |
Michael |
When Jan and I had satellite, we used to watch a reality show called "Survivorman." And, it was interesting because it was about a guy who would go out in the middle of no where and just try not to die, try not to get eaten by an animal, or be overexposed. |
| 16149 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2720 |
Michael |
OK, I will only need two things. Roll of duct tape and a knife. |
| 16150 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2720 |
Dwight |
I'm on it. |
| 16151 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2720 |
Michael |
OK. Thirty minutes or less, please come back. Save the receipts. Hey, what... |
| 16152 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2720 |
Dwight |
Let's see if any of these will work. |
| 16153 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2720 |
Michael |
Hey, hey hey! Dwight. . Dwight. |
| 16154 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2721 |
Dwight |
I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose." |
| 16155 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
Dwight and I are going out. He will return later, but I will not. I will also be taking a personal day tomorrow, and perhaps the next day. |
| 16156 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Pam |
Do you want me to ask where you're going? |
| 16157 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
No. |
| 16158 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 16159 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness. |
| 16160 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 16161 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
Where he will then leave me to either die or to survive. The choice is yours. |
| 16162 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Jim |
Hmm, no, the choice is actually yours. Are you sure you want to do this? |
| 16163 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me. |
| 16164 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Jim |
OK, great. |
| 16165 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
This is a very personal, private experience in the wild, that I wish to share it with me, myself and I. |
| 16166 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 16167 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Michael |
When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being. |
| 16168 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2722 |
Jim |
That'd be great. |
| 16169 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2723 |
Dwight |
Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no, I do not. |
| 16170 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
This is what a true survivor man does. You simulate a disaster, like a plane wreck. You could only wear the clothes that you have on, and you could only use the stuff you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster is a serial killer. Creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead. |
| 16171 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape. |
| 16172 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
Well, yes I would. And I would survive. |
| 16173 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
I would make sure that you were dead. |
| 16174 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 16175 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
First, I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. |
| 16176 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
You... |
| 16177 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
And they would call me the Overkill Killer. |
| 16178 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
You... you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. OK. |
| 16179 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 16180 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
I am putting this on so I have no familiarity with my surroundings. Now this way, I can't retrace my steps. I don't know what streets we've been--- Ow! What are you doing? |
| 16181 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
It would be better if you were unconscious. |
| 16182 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
No! Gosh! Dwight. Stop it, stop it! Stop it. |
| 16183 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Dwight |
Do you want to do this right or not? |
| 16184 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2724 |
Michael |
Just, please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life? |
| 16185 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Angela |
Jim, we need to order a cake for Creed's birthday. |
| 16186 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Jim |
Oh, wasn't it just someone's birthday? |
| 16187 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Angela |
Yes. Kelly's was last week, remember? |
| 16188 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Jim |
I do remember, yeah. |
| 16189 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Angela |
It's birthday month. Creed's is today. Oscar's is week after next. Meredith's is at the end of the month. Michael usually goes with red and white streamers... |
| 16190 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Jim |
You know what, I have an idea. Why don't we just do one big shared party? |
| 16191 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2725 |
Angela |
What? |
| 16192 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2726 |
Jim |
There are thirteen people working in this office, so thirteen times a year Michael gets a cake and balloons, and some sort of joke gift and makes a toast. There are two types of toasts. One is a joke about how old you are. |
| 16193 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2727 |
Michael |
Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug. |
| 16194 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2728 |
Jim |
And the other is something inappropriate. Or horrible. Or both. What else? He only sings the high harmony to "Happy Birthday." And he's a very big believer in surprise parties. Maybe even, arguably, possibly to a fault. |
| 16195 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2729 |
Michael |
Happy Birthday! |
| 16196 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2729 |
Kelly |
Ahhh!! |
| 16197 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2730 |
Michael |
Happy Birthday! |
| 16198 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2730 |
Oscar |
Ahhh! |
| 16199 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2731 |
Michael |
Happy Birthday! |
| 16200 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2731 |
Phyllis |
Oh! |
| 16201 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2732 |
Jim |
So... I think, yeah, I think getting these out of the way might be productive. |
| 16202 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Jim |
We can just have one big fun party. Everybody's happy, nobody wastes their time. |
| 16203 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Angela |
I don't like it. |
| 16204 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Pam |
Wow! You're shaking things up a bit, huh? |
| 16205 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Jim |
It's a pretty good idea, don't you think? |
| 16206 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Pam |
Do you think it's a good idea? |
| 16207 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Jim |
No... I think it's a great idea. |
| 16208 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2733 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 16209 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2734 |
Dwight |
We're here. |
| 16210 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2734 |
Michael |
Dwight will take my blindfold off when we are deep in the forest. Just the two of us from this point out. |
| 16211 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2734 |
Dwight |
Here we go. Just the two of us |
| 16212 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2735 |
Dwight |
Here we go, into the wild. Mighty forest. Can you smell the trees and the nature? |
| 16213 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2736 |
Dwight |
Keep going, you're fine. Just some bushes and some thickets Keep going. You wanted wilderness, you got it. |
| 16214 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Jim |
You know, try sending them another invoice. |
| 16215 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Oscar |
Ok. |
| 16216 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Jim |
Alright. Oh, did you see my memo by the way? |
| 16217 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Oscar |
"Let's be honest, as fun as birthdays are we could all use a break from the constant cake, so let's celebrate birthday month in style today." This is really cool. |
| 16218 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Jim |
Right? I was just thinking... |
| 16219 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Oscar |
No, totally, totally. This way we get it all out of the way at once and it could actually be fun. |
| 16220 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2737 |
Jim |
Right! Exactly. Knew I could count on you. |
| 16221 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Dwight |
Good a spot as any. |
| 16222 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Michael |
What are you doing? Stop. Dwight, Dwight. Just -- |
| 16223 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Dwight |
I'm just -- |
| 16224 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Michael |
Stop. |
| 16225 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Dwight |
Spin. I'm trying to confuse your sense of direction. Behold. |
| 16226 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Michael |
Alright, good. Thank you, Dwight. |
| 16227 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Dwight |
Here's your knife. Here's your duct tape. |
| 16228 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Michael |
Alright, very good. Ahh, OK. |
| 16229 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Dwight |
Good luck, Michael. |
| 16230 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2738 |
Michael |
Thanks for the ride. OK. Leave me be, Dwight. |
| 16231 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Meredith |
Hey, Jim, can I have my own cake? |
| 16232 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 16233 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Meredith |
I really prefer devils food cake. |
| 16234 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Jim |
Oh, sure. |
| 16235 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Meredith |
Yes! |
| 16236 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 16237 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Pam |
Wow! That was easy. |
| 16238 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Jim |
Yeah, people like me I guess. |
| 16239 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2739 |
Creed |
Jim. |
| 16240 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
I hate devils food. |
| 16241 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
Well I think Meredith was just -- |
| 16242 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
Screw Meredith, I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday. |
| 16243 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
Everybody's birthday. |
| 16244 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake. |
| 16245 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
What do you want? |
| 16246 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
I want pie. I want peach pie. |
| 16247 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
You want a birthday pie? |
| 16248 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
I want a nice cobbler. |
| 16249 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
Well, I'm gonna to talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie. |
| 16250 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
I don't care who you talk to. Just make it happen. |
| 16251 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Jim |
It will be Angela. |
| 16252 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2740 |
Creed |
You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. |
| 16253 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2741 |
Michael |
Day One. I'm in the interior of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness. I've brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife, roll of duct tape, in case I need to craft some shelter or make some sort of water vessel. It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's really beating down on me now. I think that I want to get a little more comfortable because the sun is depleting my resources. OK. OH, there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery here... |
| 16254 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2742 |
Dwight |
I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. |
| 16255 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2743 |
Michael |
There we go. Much better. Now everything I brought with me can be used. My sport coat here, can be fashioned into a backpack of sorts . |
| 16256 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2744 |
Michael |
I'm going to wear what was once one of my pant legs. |
| 16257 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2745 |
Michael |
See, this is a beautiful piece of material This could be used for all sorts of things. |
| 16258 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2746 |
Michael |
Some sort of kerchief to keep my neck nice and comfortable. |
| 16259 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Tuna. |
| 16260 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
Andy. |
| 16261 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgie the Whale. |
| 16262 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
Not your birthday. |
| 16263 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you want to make people happy, namely me, you will have a Fudgie the Whale. |
| 16264 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
Alright, I'll look into it, but the answer's no. |
| 16265 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Wow, OK, harsh. Just don't expect me to show up. |
| 16266 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
Hey, Andy, I have some calls to make. |
| 16267 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Loud and clear. |
| 16268 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 16269 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Pizza rolls. |
| 16270 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Jim |
OK, I'm gonna go into this office here to do some work. So I will be in here. |
| 16271 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2747 |
Andy |
Mushroom caps. |
| 16272 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2748 |
Michael |
I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter. |
| 16273 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2749 |
Dwight |
Michael is a man of great depth and passion. I don't know what he's searching for out here. I hope he finds it. Lunch. |
| 16274 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2750 |
Michael |
Well it is a little chillier than I had thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels, nice juicy rabbit would be delicious. |
| 16275 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2751 |
Dwight |
About two more minutes . |
| 16276 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2752 |
Michael |
I have made this spear, with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. I'm startin' to feel it a little bit. Ohh... It's Creed's birthday. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy. |
| 16277 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Meredith |
What is Jim thinking? It's a birthday, so what if there's a lot of them? |
| 16278 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break. |
| 16279 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Stanley |
I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die. |
| 16280 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Oscar |
Why don't you just have an apple? |
| 16281 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Stanley |
Why don't you mind your business? |
| 16282 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Creed |
Listen, I figured this out. Jimmy had his birthday three weeks ago, so he doesn't care. |
| 16283 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Oscar |
Probably went to his head. |
| 16284 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Creed |
Yeah. |
| 16285 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Oscar |
Hey, Jim. |
| 16286 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Jim |
Hey guys, what're we talking about? |
| 16287 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2753 |
Creed |
Nothing! Nothing going on. We're talking about nothing. C'mon gang. |
| 16288 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2754 |
Michael |
Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy may be Dunder Mifflin paper some day. |
| 16289 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2755 |
Dwight |
Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is... on. |
| 16290 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
Hey Jim. |
| 16291 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
Toby. |
| 16292 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
Hey, I just got the word on the communal birthdays. Great idea. |
| 16293 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
Oh, thanks man. |
| 16294 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
Yeah... |
| 16295 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
Is there anything -- |
| 16296 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
My birthday was two months ago. |
| 16297 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
Oh, OK. |
| 16298 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
There was no party. |
| 16299 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
What? |
| 16300 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
Well, it... there was. But Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. You know, people sang in the parking lot. |
| 16301 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
I remember that. |
| 16302 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
I don't know, I just thought you could include me. |
| 16303 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Jim |
Seriously? |
| 16304 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2756 |
Toby |
I just though you could add me. I don't see the harm in that. |
| 16305 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2757 |
Jim |
Toby's great. He's great, but sometimes he can be a little bit much. I don't see the harm in that. Well, it's a cake Toby, so, c'mon. |
| 16306 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Jim |
OK. Yeah, you know what, we're just gonna throw you in. Because more the merrier, right? |
| 16307 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Angela |
No. No way. I am not a machine, Jim. You can't just change plans willy nilly and expect these little magic party elves to do your bidding. We already have devils food, peach cobbler, Fudgie the Whale, mushroom caps. |
| 16308 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Toby |
I'm allergic to mushrooms. |
| 16309 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Jim |
That's a bummer. OK, then we need to... Hey everybody. Hi, how you doing? Can I have your attention please? 'Cause we have to talk about this birthday thing. |
| 16310 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Pam |
Conference room? |
| 16311 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Jim |
Yes, conference room in five minutes... No. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it out here. So, who has problems with the birthday thing? One, two, three, everybody. OK, so then we just shouldn't do it. |
| 16312 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Angela |
What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie?' |
| 16313 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Kevin |
Oh, I'll take 'em. |
| 16314 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Creed |
Well nobody's touching my cobbler. |
| 16315 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2758 |
Phyllis |
Hey, Michael. I mean Jim. |
| 16316 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2759 |
Jim |
Yup, Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact. |
| 16317 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2760 |
Michael |
Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well. |
| 16318 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2760 |
Dwight |
Stop! No, no Michael! Nooo! Nooo! Nooo! Arghh. Get, get them out. |
| 16319 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2761 |
Everybody |
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. |
| 16320 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2761 |
Michael |
Yeah! Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something. |
| 16321 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2762 |
Michael |
Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky. |
| 16322 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
Hey, buddy. |
| 16323 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 16324 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
What up? |
| 16325 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
Sure glad you're back. |
| 16326 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
You are relieved. |
| 16327 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
You have no idea. |
| 16328 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
So what did I miss? |
| 16329 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once. |
| 16330 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 16331 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
So, terrible idea. |
| 16332 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake. |
| 16333 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
You did do it? |
| 16334 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out. |
| 16335 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years. |
| 16336 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
That's what I said. That's what she said. |
| 16337 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
That's what who said? |
| 16338 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard. |
| 16339 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Jim |
That's what she said. |
| 16340 |
4 |
11 |
Survivor Man |
2763 |
Michael |
Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward. |
| 16341 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2764 |
Oscar |
So the figures show improvement right there, Michael. And again- |
| 16342 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2764 |
Michael |
I'll call back. |
| 16343 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2764 |
Kevin |
You never call back. |
| 16344 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2765 |
Pam |
Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-It note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once, and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes. |
| 16345 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2766 |
Michael |
Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back. |
| 16346 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2767 |
Michael |
You can't always work 200 days though. |
| 16347 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2767 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting. |
| 16348 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Ryan |
You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this. |
| 16349 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 16350 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Ryan |
I can get you a tutor if you need- |
| 16351 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Michael |
Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later. |
| 16352 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Ryan |
Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call. |
| 16353 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Michael |
N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude. |
| 16354 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Ryan |
Take the call, friend. |
| 16355 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Michael |
I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist. |
| 16356 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Ryan |
I insist you take your work calls. |
| 16357 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2768 |
Michael |
Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? Hi buddy. |
| 16358 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
I don't know, it's just, ugh, I never felt welcomed there, you know? It's such a...boys club. |
| 16359 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Yeah, I hate that. |
| 16360 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Good. |
| 16361 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs. |
| 16362 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior. |
| 16363 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy. |
| 16364 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Um, no, I want it up. My hair. |
| 16365 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Well- |
| 16366 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Remember, it isn't just a pattern, It's a pattern of disrespect, and inappropriate behavior. |
| 16367 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor. |
| 16368 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Does this work for you? |
| 16369 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win. |
| 16370 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Uh, come on Micheal, that's tacky. |
| 16371 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Million dollars! |
| 16372 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Four million. |
| 16373 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized. |
| 16374 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
No, Michael. Oh, come on. |
| 16375 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Perfect crime. |
| 16376 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Stop saying ridiculous things. He's just gonna tell the truth, the truth is-is very...you know, complicated, so we went over it carefully, and-and just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment. |
| 16377 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good. |
| 16378 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
Michael, I told you, I am not putting the top down. |
| 16379 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Michael |
I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up. |
| 16380 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2769 |
Jan |
All right, fine, just a second. Hold on. |
| 16381 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Michael |
Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff? |
| 16382 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Lester |
A good start. And I think it's busload. |
| 16383 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Michael |
Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is. |
| 16384 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Ryan |
Hey Michael. |
| 16385 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Michael |
Hey hey. |
| 16386 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2770 |
Ryan |
I'm glad you're here. I actually need to talk to you for a second. |
| 16387 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Ryan |
Could we talk off the record? As friends? |
| 16388 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Michael |
I would love that. |
| 16389 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Ryan |
Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now you've been with us for a long time. Over 10 years, right? We just want to be sure that you won't do anything to hurt us with your testimony. Do you understand? |
| 16390 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Michael |
Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company. |
| 16391 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Ryan |
Good. That is great to hear. |
| 16392 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2771 |
Michael |
It is. |
| 16393 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2772 |
Darryl |
Game, son! |
| 16394 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2772 |
Jim |
All right, let's run it back. |
| 16395 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2773 |
Pam |
The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down and plays with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is 12. |
| 16396 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2774 |
Kelly |
What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong? |
| 16397 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2774 |
Pam |
Hi, Kelly. |
| 16398 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2774 |
Kelly |
Guess whose boyfriend it is? |
| 16399 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2774 |
Pam |
I don't wanna guess. |
| 16400 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2774 |
Kelly |
I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here . |
| 16401 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2775 |
Kelly |
I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there. |
| 16402 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2776 |
Pam |
Jim. Can I see you for a second? |
| 16403 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2776 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 16404 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2777 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 16405 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2777 |
Pam |
Okay, it's not regulation size, but it'll do. You have to practice. You have to get real good and beat Darryl. |
| 16406 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2777 |
Jim |
Oh, I can't beat Darryl. |
| 16407 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2777 |
Pam |
Please? Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl is beating you. |
| 16408 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2777 |
Jim |
What, seriously? What is she saying? |
| 16409 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2778 |
Kelly |
Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball. |
| 16410 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2779 |
Kelly |
Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon. |
| 16411 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2780 |
Kelly |
Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong? |
| 16412 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2781 |
Jim |
So you're asking me to defend your honor against Kelly? |
| 16413 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2781 |
Pam |
Sorta, yes. |
| 16414 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2781 |
Jim |
Bring me players. |
| 16415 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2781 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 16416 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Diane Kelly |
Hi everyone, I'm Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel. |
| 16417 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Michael |
Hi. No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here? |
| 16418 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Diane |
Toby? |
| 16419 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Michael |
Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition? |
| 16420 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Toby |
Michael, I'm your HR Rep. I'm on your side. |
| 16421 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Michael |
Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves. |
| 16422 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Jan |
Michael, just relax, okay? |
| 16423 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Diane |
You know, I think they're, uh ready for us now. So.. |
| 16424 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2782 |
Michael |
Okay. All right. |
| 16425 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2783 |
Deposition Reporter |
Mr. Scott. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? |
| 16426 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2783 |
Michael |
Yessh. |
| 16427 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2783 |
Lester |
Mr. Scott, can you describe the circumstances of Ms. Levinson's termination? |
| 16428 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2783 |
Michael |
Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior. |
| 16429 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2783 |
Lester |
Oh. Very good. Well put. |
| 16430 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2784 |
Jan |
People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater. |
| 16431 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Pam |
Hey, Kevin. Jim needs to see you. |
| 16432 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Kevin |
About what? |
| 16433 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Pam |
He needs help balancing some travel receipts. |
| 16434 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Kevin |
Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts. |
| 16435 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Pam |
Yeah, no, he asked for you specifically. He's in the conference room. |
| 16436 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2785 |
Kevin |
Oh, awesome! |
| 16437 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
How long have you known the plaintiff? |
| 16438 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief |
| 16439 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
How long have you known Ms. Levinson? |
| 16440 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
Six years and two months. |
| 16441 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
And you were directly under her the entire time? |
| 16442 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 16443 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
Excuse me? |
| 16444 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 16445 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior? |
| 16446 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
Uh, wh-why would she say that? |
| 16447 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Jan |
Can we just move on to another question? |
| 16448 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Diane |
No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this? |
| 16449 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position. |
| 16450 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 16451 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Jan |
Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question? |
| 16452 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
Oh, are you sure? |
| 16453 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Jan |
Uh, yes. |
| 16454 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Lester |
Can you go back to where this digression began? |
| 16455 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Deposition Reporter |
Mr. Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott: That's what she said. |
| 16456 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2786 |
Michael |
Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it. |
| 16457 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2787 |
Kelly |
Yeah, that's what I thought. |
| 16458 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired? |
| 16459 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them. |
| 16460 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
Can you be more specific? Who are the twins? |
| 16461 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk. |
| 16462 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
You don't need to go any further. Her breasts. |
| 16463 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 16464 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery? |
| 16465 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant. |
| 16466 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination? |
| 16467 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules. |
| 16468 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
Interesting. How so? |
| 16469 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here. |
| 16470 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you? |
| 16471 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
I will allow it. |
| 16472 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please. |
| 16473 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 16474 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct? |
| 16475 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Uh-huh. |
| 16476 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin? |
| 16477 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define "begin". I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago. |
| 16478 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
Wait, excuse me? |
| 16479 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that. |
| 16480 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Lester |
Could we take a short break? |
| 16481 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here? |
| 16482 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Michael |
Line. |
| 16483 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Diane |
I'm sorry, what? |
| 16484 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2788 |
Man |
He asked for a line, like in a play. |
| 16485 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2789 |
Deposition Reporter |
"Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?" "I did?" "Yes you did." "Can I go to the bathroom?" "No." "I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water." "You went five minutes ago." "That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question." "You still have to answer it." "First can I go to the bathroom?" "No." |
| 16486 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2790 |
Jim |
Good game Meredith. |
| 16487 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2790 |
Meredith |
Don't patronize me. |
| 16488 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2790 |
Dwight |
All right! What is going on here? |
| 16489 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2790 |
Jim |
Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice? |
| 16490 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2791 |
Jim |
What the hell? |
| 16491 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2791 |
Dwight |
I told you. |
| 16492 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2792 |
Dwight |
All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Jörg Roßkopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba. |
| 16493 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Michael |
Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition. |
| 16494 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Diane Kelly |
Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know. |
| 16495 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Lester |
Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal. |
| 16496 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Michael |
Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary? |
| 16497 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Lester |
This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. "Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had s*x with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had s*x six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie." |
| 16498 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Michael |
Irie. |
| 16499 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Lester |
Irie, sorry. "More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael." It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct? |
| 16500 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Diane Kelly |
We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed. |
| 16501 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Michael |
I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary. |
| 16502 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Diane Kelly |
It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it. |
| 16503 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Man |
OK, let's make ten copies of this diary. |
| 16504 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Toby |
Um, can you make it eleven? |
| 16505 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2793 |
Man |
Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look. |
| 16506 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2794 |
Michael |
Can I sit here? |
| 16507 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2794 |
Toby |
...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted... |
| 16508 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Michael |
How can you give up my diary like that? |
| 16509 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Jan |
I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this. |
| 16510 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Michael |
How'd you even find it? |
| 16511 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Jan |
You keep it under my side of the mattress. |
| 16512 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Michael |
I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this. |
| 16513 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Jan |
Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even. |
| 16514 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Michael |
Fine. I love you. |
| 16515 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2795 |
Jan |
I love you too. |
| 16516 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as "Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way." |
| 16517 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend. |
| 16518 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Lester |
Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person. |
| 16519 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Toby |
Excuse me. |
| 16520 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had s*x with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful. |
| 16521 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you. |
| 16522 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that. |
| 16523 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews. |
| 16524 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water. |
| 16525 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please? |
| 16526 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
March 17th. |
| 16527 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct? |
| 16528 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 16529 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to. |
| 16530 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Michael |
"I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs." |
| 16531 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed? |
| 16532 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2796 |
Diane Kelly |
Mr. Scott? |
| 16533 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Pam |
How's it going? |
| 16534 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Dwight |
Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable. |
| 16535 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Jim |
Check this out though, spin serve. Well, it works like 80% of the time, so... |
| 16536 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Pam |
Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now? |
| 16537 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Jim |
I think I'm ready. |
| 16538 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Pam |
I'll make the call. |
| 16539 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute, Darryl is the client? ...No, no, no. He works here, dumbass. |
| 16540 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2797 |
Jim |
...Right. Spin-serve! |
| 16541 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Michael |
How can you do that to me? |
| 16542 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Lester |
You can respond, just remember it's all going into the record. |
| 16543 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Jan |
Michael, I am not the enemy, OK? Dunder Mifflin is the enemy. |
| 16544 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Michael |
Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it. |
| 16545 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Jan |
Alright, wait. Before you go any further, let me show you what kind of loyalty they have, OK? Lester, please read that part of Wallace's deposition. |
| 16546 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Lester |
Starting at paragraph 6. Council: "Mr. Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?" David Wallace: "Yes." |
| 16547 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Michael |
See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed. |
| 16548 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Lester |
Council: "Was he your first choice?" David Wallace: "Michael Scott is a fine employee who has been with the company for many years." |
| 16549 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Council |
"Was he in the top 5 of contenders?" David Wallace: "What do you want me to say? Come on, he's a nice guy. There were many people that I considered." Council: "Was he seriously being considered for the corporate job?" David Wallace: "No." |
| 16550 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Lester |
I have one more question, Mr. Scott. Wouldn't you agree with Ms. Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees? |
| 16551 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2798 |
Michael |
...Absolutely not. |
| 16552 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
Yes! Way to go. See that? |
| 16553 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point. |
| 16554 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Darryl |
19, serving 4. |
| 16555 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong! |
| 16556 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
You know what? I'm sick of this! Let's go, you and me! |
| 16557 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 16558 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
Let's go. Pick up a paddle. |
| 16559 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
OK. Bring it on. |
| 16560 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
I am. |
| 16561 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
Think you can handle this? |
| 16562 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
In my sleep. |
| 16563 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
OK. Volley for serve, P. |
| 16564 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Pam |
O. P. |
| 16565 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Kelly |
O. |
| 16566 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Jim |
Do you want to go play on the table upstairs? |
| 16567 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2799 |
Darryl |
Yes. |
| 16568 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
David |
Michael. I am very sorry. |
| 16569 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
Michael |
Oh, hey no biggie. Just... |
| 16570 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
David Wallace |
No, no, no, no, no. This was rough. We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this. I'm very sorry. |
| 16571 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
Michael |
Hey, David? |
| 16572 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
David |
Yeah? |
| 16573 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
Michael |
I think you're a nice guy too. |
| 16574 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2800 |
David |
Thanks, Michael. |
| 16575 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2801 |
Michael |
Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend. |
| 16576 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Michael |
What do you want to do for dinner? |
| 16577 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Jan |
How about Chinese? |
| 16578 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Michael |
Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap. |
| 16579 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Jan |
That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion. |
| 16580 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Michael |
Do you fast food? |
| 16581 |
4 |
12 |
The Deposition |
2802 |
Jan |
Fine, fast food's fine. |
| 16582 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Stanley |
This is ridiculous. |
| 16583 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Phyllis |
Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here? |
| 16584 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Michael |
Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. Do you have plans tonight? |
| 16585 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Jim |
Nope I don't, remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we're working. |
| 16586 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Michael |
Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday. |
| 16587 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Dwight |
Thank you Michael. |
| 16588 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Michael |
All right, happy Friday. Well I think we dodged a bullet there. |
| 16589 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Jim |
I think you did. |
| 16590 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Michael |
I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks? |
| 16591 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Jim |
Oh, I- |
| 16592 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2803 |
Michael |
You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said. |
| 16593 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2804 |
Jim |
Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate. |
| 16594 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2805 |
Dwight |
Michael, what time should I be arriving? |
| 16595 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2805 |
Michael |
Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy. |
| 16596 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2805 |
Andy |
Hey-o! |
| 16597 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2806 |
Dwight |
Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? |
| 16598 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Hi. |
| 16599 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 16600 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 16601 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
How are you? |
| 16602 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Come on in. Good to see you. |
| 16603 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe? |
| 16604 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Yes I would. So, what have you been doing? |
| 16605 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago? |
| 16606 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 16607 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
I have been getting ready and then driving over here. |
| 16608 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing. |
| 16609 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 16610 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Except driving. |
| 16611 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Pam |
We got you this. |
| 16612 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with. |
| 16613 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa. |
| 16614 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Pam |
It's really nice. |
| 16615 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first? |
| 16616 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
Tour, let's do the tour first. |
| 16617 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 16618 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first? |
| 16619 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Totally your call babe. |
| 16620 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Alright, well, let's go then, I say upstairs. |
| 16621 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jim |
Oh, you guys doing a little construction? |
| 16622 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door. |
| 16623 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Jan |
Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we're still a work in progress here. |
| 16624 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2807 |
Michael |
Well, thats... |
| 16625 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
This is my office. |
| 16626 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
Yep, never been used. |
| 16627 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Not super exciting. |
| 16628 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
No. |
| 16629 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
And this is my workspace. |
| 16630 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
This is it, check that out, can you smell that? |
| 16631 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Pam |
Uh-huh. |
| 16632 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here. |
| 16633 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Pam |
So you have an office and a workspace? |
| 16634 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles. Smell. |
| 16635 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jim |
It's fire. |
| 16636 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Uh-huh, Bonfire. |
| 16637 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
Bond. |
| 16638 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Men love this one. |
| 16639 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn. |
| 16640 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away. |
| 16641 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jim |
Just like that. |
| 16642 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Just like that. |
| 16643 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white. |
| 16644 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color. |
| 16645 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up. |
| 16646 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
Well, I- |
| 16647 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
Shame on you. |
| 16648 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Pam |
What a cute bench. |
| 16649 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy. |
| 16650 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jim |
Really? 'cause... seems pretty narrow... and short. |
| 16651 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Michael |
It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. |
| 16652 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2808 |
Jan |
See, he fits perfectly. |
| 16653 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? Voila, right in the wall. |
| 16654 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 16655 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table. |
| 16656 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jim |
What is that chestnut? |
| 16657 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry. |
| 16658 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
It's pine. |
| 16659 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jim |
Michael, I'm just terrible at all this stuff, so that's really cool. |
| 16660 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Really? |
| 16661 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Pam |
Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn't have audio for a week. |
| 16662 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away. |
| 16663 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
I bet you are. |
| 16664 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jim |
Well, I saw - oh your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on the coffee table for everybody to see. |
| 16665 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said "Honey keep the trophies." |
| 16666 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies. |
| 16667 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Oh, excuse us just a second. |
| 16668 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
I'll get it. |
| 16669 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
So glad you're finally able to be here. |
| 16670 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Angela |
No, no. |
| 16671 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 16672 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Andy |
Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! These are for you. |
| 16673 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Oh, how thoughtful. |
| 16674 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
Very nice. |
| 16675 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Andy |
Except for one flower, which is for... my flower. |
| 16676 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Aw. |
| 16677 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Angela |
What am I supposed to do with this? |
| 16678 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
How 'bout we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner? |
| 16679 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Pam |
Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it. |
| 16680 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Oh no no no, it's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done. |
| 16681 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Pam |
Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00? |
| 16682 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
You know Pam, in Spain they often don't start eating until midnight. |
| 16683 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
When in Rome. |
| 16684 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Do you have a preference, upstairs first? |
| 16685 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
Whatever you say babe. |
| 16686 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Jan |
Follow me. |
| 16687 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2809 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 16688 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Michael |
How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends. |
| 16689 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
All |
Cheers. |
| 16690 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Michael |
Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth. |
| 16691 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Jim |
What was that? |
| 16692 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Jan |
So music, should we turn some music? |
| 16693 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Michael |
Yeah that sounds good. |
| 16694 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Jan |
Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter. |
| 16695 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Hunter's CD |
You took me by the hand, Made me a man, That one night, You made everything all right, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah. |
| 16696 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Michael |
You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him. |
| 16697 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Jan |
Well I think he's probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me. |
| 16698 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2810 |
Angela |
Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes. |
| 16699 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2811 |
Pam |
I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party. |
| 16700 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Andy |
No it's a... hump. There's a hump. |
| 16701 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
Joe Camel! |
| 16702 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Andy |
Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital. |
| 16703 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Pam |
Montana. |
| 16704 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
Oh! |
| 16705 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Pam |
Joe Montana! |
| 16706 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Andy |
Yes! Yes. |
| 16707 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Pam |
Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback? |
| 16708 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Michael |
All right, my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn. |
| 16709 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down? |
| 16710 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Michael |
What, no, I'm just making people laugh. |
| 16711 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
No. |
| 16712 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Michael |
Yes, I was watching Jim's face. |
| 16713 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
I was watching Jim. |
| 16714 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Michael |
And he was laughing. |
| 16715 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Jan |
No smiling. |
| 16716 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2812 |
Michael |
Look at him, he's laughing. |
| 16717 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2813 |
Jim |
Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it. |
| 16718 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage. |
| 16719 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Pam |
Oh okay. |
| 16720 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
Well you don't need two of you to do that. |
| 16721 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much. |
| 16722 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Pam |
Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself. |
| 16723 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
I don't know because I everything I own is there. |
| 16724 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Pam |
You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party. |
| 16725 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right. |
| 16726 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Andy |
Michael, you're up. |
| 16727 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom- |
| 16728 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jan |
No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes. |
| 16729 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE. |
| 16730 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Angela |
I don't know. |
| 16731 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
Katie Holmes. |
| 16732 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
No, Baah! But he's married to her! |
| 16733 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
Oh, Dawson's Creek. |
| 16734 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger. |
| 16735 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jan |
No rhyming! |
| 16736 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
Not really a rhyme. |
| 16737 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Angela |
Another clue, another clue. |
| 16738 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator. |
| 16739 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Angela |
Those aren't helpful. |
| 16740 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Jim |
Tom Cruise! |
| 16741 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
No! |
| 16742 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Andy |
Time! |
| 16743 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2814 |
Michael |
God, does anybody read the paper?! |
| 16744 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you. |
| 16745 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 16746 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Jan |
I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it? |
| 16747 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Michael |
I don't like that story babe. |
| 16748 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Jan |
Come on, it's a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck! |
| 16749 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Michael |
Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible. |
| 16750 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Jan |
You are so right, you're so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil. |
| 16751 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Michael |
Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me! |
| 16752 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Angela |
You shouldn't joke about that. |
| 16753 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Pam |
Is there more wine in the kitchen? |
| 16754 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2815 |
Jan |
I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't get. It's okay, I don't mind. In fact you know what, girl's trip, Angela come on. Girl's trip. |
| 16755 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Jan |
Uh, not even close. |
| 16756 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Angela |
So you keep a very tidy house. |
| 16757 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Jan |
You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam. |
| 16758 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Pam |
No, yeah. What? |
| 16759 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Jan |
Oh well don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated. |
| 16760 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Pam |
Oh, are you joking? |
| 16761 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Jan |
Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him. |
| 16762 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Pam |
I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever. |
| 16763 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Angela |
I've noticed how you look at him at the office. |
| 16764 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2816 |
Jan |
Mmhmm. |
| 16765 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Michael |
So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand . So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles. |
| 16766 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Jim |
Oh no she just put it in front of my face. |
| 16767 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Michael |
Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan" What do you think about that? |
| 16768 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Andy |
Thought about it, I'm in. |
| 16769 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company? |
| 16770 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2817 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. What now? |
| 16771 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
Coming! |
| 16772 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 16773 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
What are you doing here? |
| 16774 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Dwight |
We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right? |
| 16775 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Pam |
Awesome. |
| 16776 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
What is he doing here? |
| 16777 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Angela |
Yes, What are you doing here? |
| 16778 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Michael |
Dwight is my friend. |
| 16779 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Woman |
We weren't invited? |
| 16780 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Michael |
You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person. |
| 16781 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want. |
| 16782 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Michael |
Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see? |
| 16783 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
We saw Wicked. |
| 16784 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Michael |
When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children. |
| 16785 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have a ing kid. |
| 16786 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Michael |
Do you mean it? You want to have a kid? |
| 16787 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Jan |
I hate my life. |
| 16788 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2818 |
Dwight |
So can we come in? |
| 16789 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Dwight |
Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg. |
| 16790 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Jan |
I'm just gonna check on dinner. |
| 16791 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Dwight |
Angela, would you like some of my beet salad? |
| 16792 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Angela |
I hate beet salad. |
| 16793 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Woman |
It's actually really good. |
| 16794 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Dwight |
Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times. |
| 16795 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Angela |
The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit. |
| 16796 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Michael |
Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food. |
| 16797 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Pam |
Like... like what? |
| 16798 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Michael |
I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Hey, looks great babe. |
| 16799 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2819 |
Andy |
Yeah it does. |
| 16800 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2820 |
Pam |
I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover? |
| 16801 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
Can you not do that? It's disgusting. |
| 16802 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that? |
| 16803 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
Oops. |
| 16804 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
Excuse me for a second. |
| 16805 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jim |
So... how do you guys know each other? |
| 16806 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Woman |
I was his babysitter. |
| 16807 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Pam |
And now you guys are dating? |
| 16808 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Dwight |
Purely carnal and that's all you need to know. |
| 16809 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jim |
Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions... |
| 16810 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Woman |
E-mail? |
| 16811 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jim |
Nevermind. |
| 16812 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
Ok... alright... here we go. There. Oooookay. |
| 16813 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jim |
That's nice. |
| 16814 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
Everybody enjoying their meal? |
| 16815 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
Hey babe? |
| 16816 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 16817 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it. |
| 16818 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together. |
| 16819 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
Ok. |
| 16820 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good. |
| 16821 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
At least he's an artist. |
| 16822 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
BFD. I'm a screenwriter. |
| 16823 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT! |
| 16824 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS! |
| 16825 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY! |
| 16826 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES! |
| 16827 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT! |
| 16828 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER! |
| 16829 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jan |
AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST! |
| 16830 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! |
| 16831 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Woman |
I'm gonna get going. |
| 16832 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Dwight |
Fine. Get outta here. |
| 16833 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Jim |
It's getting late. |
| 16834 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2821 |
Michael |
You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon. |
| 16835 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Jim |
Of course |
| 16836 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Dwight |
Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK. Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers? |
| 16837 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer 1 |
Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance? |
| 16838 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party. |
| 16839 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer 2 |
The neighbors said they heard some shouting. |
| 16840 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma. |
| 16841 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer 1 |
You wanna press charges? |
| 16842 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
Would she get into trouble? |
| 16843 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer |
Yes. She'd be charged. |
| 16844 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
I will take the fall. I did it. |
| 16845 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer 2 |
You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet. |
| 16846 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Jan |
Michael! Michael. What are you doing to him? |
| 16847 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Officer 1 |
Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here? |
| 16848 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Dwight |
Michael can come home with me. |
| 16849 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
Jim? Pam? |
| 16850 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Jim |
Oh... my apartment's on fire |
| 16851 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Pam |
Flooded. |
| 16852 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Jim |
Flooded. |
| 16853 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Dwight |
You people. Come on. You're sleeping with me. |
| 16854 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
No. |
| 16855 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna take you home Michael. |
| 16856 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Michael |
Nope. |
| 16857 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Dwight |
Alright. |
| 16858 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2822 |
Jan |
Bye Babe! |
| 16859 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2823 |
Pam |
This is the best burger I've ever had, babe. |
| 16860 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2823 |
Jim |
You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad. |
| 16861 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2823 |
Pam |
Hmm? |
| 16862 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2823 |
Jim |
I stole this. For you babe. |
| 16863 |
4 |
13 |
Dinner Party |
2824 |
Pam |
One night... |
| 16864 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2825 |
Pam |
W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get. |
| 16865 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2825 |
Jim |
So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there. |
| 16866 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2825 |
Pam |
Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim. |
| 16867 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2825 |
Jim |
Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken. |
| 16868 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2825 |
Pam |
Nature. |
| 16869 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2826 |
Oscar |
Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away. |
| 16870 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2826 |
Andy |
I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar. |
| 16871 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2827 |
Kevin |
I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed. |
| 16872 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2828 |
Pam |
Some of us like the walk more than others. |
| 16873 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2828 |
Kevin |
Hurts like hell. |
| 16874 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2829 |
Pam |
Did you pick a new chair? It's been awhile. |
| 16875 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2829 |
Michael |
Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair. |
| 16876 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2829 |
Pam |
But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair. |
| 16877 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2830 |
Pam |
Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care, but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's one of these. I really want it. |
| 16878 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Michael |
Have you ever seen this woman? |
| 16879 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Pam |
Her? |
| 16880 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Michael |
Hmm... |
| 16881 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Pam |
The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair? |
| 16882 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Michael |
Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She's got - I don't know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch. |
| 16883 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Pam |
Or in a great chair. |
| 16884 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women? |
| 16885 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Pam |
I definitely remember your dinner party. |
| 16886 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Michael |
I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands. |
| 16887 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2831 |
Pam |
Actually, I put the catalog in your hands 'cause you have to pick out a new chair. |
| 16888 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2832 |
Michael |
What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results. |
| 16889 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2833 |
Michael |
Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85. |
| 16890 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2833 |
Creed |
Yo, is this his new chair? |
| 16891 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2833 |
Pam |
No, he hasn't picked one yet. |
| 16892 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2833 |
Creed |
Daat! |
| 16893 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2834 |
Creed |
When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go. |
| 16894 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2835 |
Michael |
I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all. |
| 16895 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2836 |
Andy |
I left my cell phone in my car. |
| 16896 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2836 |
Phyllis |
Call us when you get there so we know you're OK. |
| 16897 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Michael |
Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up? |
| 16898 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Kevin |
If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I'd take her for myself. |
| 16899 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Michael |
I thought that you were engaged? |
| 16900 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Kevin |
Nope. Stacy broke up with me. |
| 16901 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Michael |
Whaaaat? God, that's terrible man. Eghh, she's crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends? |
| 16902 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Kevin |
Not anymore. |
| 16903 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 16904 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Kevin |
It's a bitter situation. |
| 16905 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2837 |
Michael |
Yeah... ugh. She's... you don't deserve her. Alright. |
| 16906 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you'd never touch 'em, because of your condition. Umm... |
| 16907 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
Michael? |
| 16908 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
What? |
| 16909 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
I have a friend who's single. |
| 16910 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 16911 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality, too. |
| 16912 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer? |
| 16913 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
Umm, no, she's a professional softball player. |
| 16914 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Oooo. Catcher or in field? |
| 16915 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
Umm I don't know Michael. |
| 16916 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her? |
| 16917 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
What are you asking? |
| 16918 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you're not answering the question. |
| 16919 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Phyllis |
No, alright no, she can't fit in a row boat. |
| 16920 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2838 |
Michael |
Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK! |
| 16921 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2839 |
Michael |
What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they're just hanging me out to dry. |
| 16922 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2840 |
Michael |
Dating shouldn't be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes. |
| 16923 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2840 |
Angela |
I don't think that this is--- |
| 16924 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2840 |
Michael |
Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear "Ahnnn... I can't help elhh la la." No. No. I'm a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired. |
| 16925 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2840 |
Dwight |
Write legibly people. |
| 16926 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot. |
| 16927 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
Hmm.. |
| 16928 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
It's like a ten minute walk. |
| 16929 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Kevin |
No, thirty. |
| 16930 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so... Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. OK, yes that would be bad. |
| 16931 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 16932 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 16933 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
That would be bad. |
| 16934 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
OK. |
| 16935 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 16936 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
...So help us out. |
| 16937 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't. |
| 16938 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Kevin |
Michael, please he-- |
| 16939 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves. |
| 16940 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Andy |
We won't let you down. |
| 16941 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2841 |
Michael |
Oh you can't because I don't care. Listen, don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards. |
| 16942 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Stanley |
There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card. |
| 16943 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Phyllis |
Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway, he can just deal with it. |
| 16944 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Pam |
Who are you putting down? |
| 16945 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Jim |
Oh, you don't know her. |
| 16946 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Pam |
Who is it? |
| 16947 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Jim |
Your mom. |
| 16948 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2842 |
Pam |
Yeah, whatever. Give it to me. Give it to me. |
| 16949 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try. |
| 16950 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Wendy's phone operator |
Wendy's. |
| 16951 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Hello Wendy, this is Kevin's friend, Michael. |
| 16952 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Wendy's phone operator |
This isn't Wendy. |
| 16953 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Oh, I'm sorry, could you put her on please? |
| 16954 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Wendy's phone operator |
Dude, this is a Wendy's restaurant. |
| 16955 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please? |
| 16956 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Wendy's phone operator |
You have to come to the restaurant to order food. |
| 16957 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Well, I'll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready. |
| 16958 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Wendy's phone operator |
It's ready now. |
| 16959 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Well put it aside. Umm... yeah. |
| 16960 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Dwight |
OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies. |
| 16961 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm... this one says chair model... |
| 16962 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Dwight |
I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit. |
| 16963 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2843 |
Michael |
That sounds good. Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy's, get my food. Come back and then go. |
| 16964 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2844 |
Dwight |
That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed. |
| 16965 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2845 |
Dwight |
The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed. |
| 16966 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
She's dead? She's so young. |
| 16967 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Dwight |
She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died. |
| 16968 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
Oh, God. Oh... |
| 16969 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Dwight |
Why don't you sit down? Michael... come on. Here we go. Yeah. |
| 16970 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Jim |
Michael, you didn't even know her. |
| 16971 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
Try not to be so hurtful Jim. |
| 16972 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Dwight |
Jim, how dare you. |
| 16973 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
Please, not at a time like this. |
| 16974 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Pam |
OK Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you. |
| 16975 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
Oh really? What's her name? Burger King? |
| 16976 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Pam |
No, I mean it. She's really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along. |
| 16977 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2846 |
Michael |
I don't, I don't think I'm ready. Is she hot? |
| 16978 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2847 |
Pam |
I'm setting Michael up with my land lady. She's really sweet and... whatever, I just can't take Michael like this. |
| 16979 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2848 |
Michael |
No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again. |
| 16980 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2849 |
Kevin |
We need to assemble the five families. |
| 16981 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2849 |
Michael |
No, not the five families. |
| 16982 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2849 |
Kevin |
We have to. |
| 16983 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2850 |
Kevin |
The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him "Cool Guy Paul." W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean. |
| 16984 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2851 |
Michael |
Sorry, I don't have time for this right now. I'm trying to get a date with Pam's hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now. |
| 16985 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2851 |
Kevin |
I'm calling the meeting anyway. |
| 16986 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So... behold our bachelorette . Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady. |
| 16987 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Margaret |
Michael? |
| 16988 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Michael |
Ugh. |
| 16989 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Margaret |
Are you Michael Scott? |
| 16990 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Michael |
Is who a Michael what? |
| 16991 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Margaret |
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm supposed to be meeting someone named Michael. |
| 16992 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Michael |
Oh, that's not, yeah I'm not... OK... |
| 16993 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2852 |
Coffee shop worker |
Michael? Michael? Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint. |
| 16994 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2853 |
Michael |
So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next? What... |
| 16995 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2853 |
Margaret |
You're asking what I do with the checks that people write to me? |
| 16996 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2853 |
Michael |
Just making conversation. |
| 16997 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Michael |
Why is it so hard to meet people? I... you know... it's uh... All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us? |
| 16998 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Margaret |
I don't know. |
| 16999 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Michael |
You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. Look at that. |
| 17000 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Margaret |
She's beautiful. |
| 17001 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Michael |
Yeah. Yeah, and you can't see her whole body. Down here, she's got a boob job. Just... she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don't know. |
| 17002 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Jan |
Michael? Hello? Michael? |
| 17003 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Margaret |
I'm gonna head out. |
| 17004 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. Well, umm... I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus. |
| 17005 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Margaret |
That's incredibly rude. |
| 17006 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2854 |
Michael |
Now you ruined it. |
| 17007 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Bob Vance |
Where's Scott? |
| 17008 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Andy |
Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement. |
| 17009 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
W.B. Jones |
Let's just meet back in an hour. |
| 17010 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Andy |
Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone. |
| 17011 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Kevin |
I... have... things... |
| 17012 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
W.B. Jones |
Alright, what do you want? |
| 17013 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Andy |
Well first of all, I'd just like to say what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen. |
| 17014 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
W.B. Jones |
You have about ten seconds--- |
| 17015 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Kevin |
We want our parking spaces back! |
| 17016 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Paul |
Whose parking spaces? |
| 17017 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Kevin |
W.B. Jones' construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and--- |
| 17018 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Bill Cress |
Ohh... God... |
| 17019 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Paul |
I don't have time for this you guys. Just give 'em back their spaces. |
| 17020 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
W.B. Jones |
OK. |
| 17021 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2855 |
Paul |
We good? OK. Could have done this over e-mail. |
| 17022 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2856 |
Kevin |
After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see... It's just nice to win one. |
| 17023 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Michael |
Margaret the land lady? Really Pam, is that what you think of me? |
| 17024 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
She's sweet and cute. I thought you'd get along. |
| 17025 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Michael |
Oh, OK, Well I'm looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I'm a man... of intensity, of, of cool and youth and, and passionately. God... |
| 17026 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Margaret? |
| 17027 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 17028 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment. |
| 17029 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Oh I don't care, I didn't really like that place that much anyway. I'll just move. |
| 17030 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Oh really? Who's gonna take you in? You're messy. You're a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud. |
| 17031 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Yeah, maybe I'll just move in with my boyfriend 'cause he's kind of a slob, too. |
| 17032 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
OK, sure. Let's do it. |
| 17033 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
No, I umm, well I'm not gonna, I'm, I'm not gonna move in with anyone unless I'm engaged. |
| 17034 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Have I not proposed to you, yet? |
| 17035 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Hmm, I don't, know... |
| 17036 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Oh, well, that's coming. |
| 17037 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Oh, right now? |
| 17038 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
No. Not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame. |
| 17039 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
OK, so then, when? |
| 17040 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Pam, I'm not gonna tell you. Hate to break it to you, but that's not how that works. |
| 17041 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Oh, right, yeah. |
| 17042 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
Wait, I'm serious. It's happening. |
| 17043 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
Ohh kay. |
| 17044 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Jim |
And when it happens, it's going to kick your ass, Beesly. So... stay sharp. |
| 17045 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2857 |
Pam |
I've been warned. |
| 17046 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2858 |
Jim |
I am not kidding. Got it a week after we started dating. |
| 17047 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Michael |
I don't know man. I was with Jan for so long. I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It's just... |
| 17048 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Dwight |
You know what you need? Closure. |
| 17049 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Michael |
You're right. What do you mean though? |
| 17050 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Dwight |
There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye. |
| 17051 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 17052 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2859 |
Dwight |
Come on. I'll drive. |
| 17053 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Kevin |
We did it. |
| 17054 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Andy |
I did it. |
| 17055 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Kevin |
We got our spaces back. |
| 17056 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 17057 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Pam |
Nice job. |
| 17058 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 17059 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2860 |
Andy |
Yeah, there it is. You're welcome. |
| 17060 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2861 |
Andy |
Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how's he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I'm gonna pay my kid's orphanage bills. That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park. |
| 17061 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Michael |
How did she die? |
| 17062 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Dwight |
I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger. |
| 17063 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Michael |
God. |
| 17064 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 17065 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Michael |
She was so innocent. |
| 17066 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Dwight |
She was stoned apparently. |
| 17067 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Michael |
You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that's just silly because she's dead. What do you do? |
| 17068 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Dwight |
You wait until next year's chair catalog comes out and you find someone who's still alive. |
| 17069 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Michael |
Oh, you move on. |
| 17070 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2862 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 17071 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Jim |
Where do you want to go for dinner? |
| 17072 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Pam |
I don't know, I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what , that one... |
| 17073 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Jim |
Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe? |
| 17074 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Pam |
I hate you. |
| 17075 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Jim |
What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? Oh my God, you thought I wa--- oh. |
| 17076 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Pam |
Oh, oh. |
| 17077 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Jim |
No, no, no. |
| 17078 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2863 |
Pam |
How could I have thought that? How could I have thought that? |
| 17079 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2864 |
Michael |
Bye, bye, Ms. Chair Model lady. I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice. We had lots of kids...drinking whiskey and rye, oh why'd you have to go off and die? Why'd you have to go off and die? |
| 17080 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2865 |
Michael, Dwight |
OH! You believe in rock 'n roll. Can music save your mortal soul? And then can you have to dance real slow. Well, I know that you're in love with him. 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym. 'You both kicked off your shoes. Those rhythm and blues... |
| 17081 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2865 |
Michael |
Return. |
| 17082 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2865 |
Dwight |
Rhythm and blues... |
| 17083 |
4 |
14 |
Chair Model |
2865 |
Michael |
This'll be the day that I died. |
| 17084 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Pam |
What's wrong Michael? |
| 17085 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
I got gum in my hair. |
| 17086 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Pam |
You do. |
| 17087 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
This just stinks. Don't touch it, please don't touch it. |
| 17088 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Dwight |
You've got a ton of dandruff. |
| 17089 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
OK, let me be. |
| 17090 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Jim |
How'd you get gum in your hair? |
| 17091 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley's car and I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil. |
| 17092 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Jim |
But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter. |
| 17093 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
Kill me... right now. |
| 17094 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Pam |
We have peanut butter in the kitchen. |
| 17095 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich. |
| 17096 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Jim |
Nope. Not for you it's for your hair, and it is 9 am. |
| 17097 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Pam |
No Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad. |
| 17098 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2866 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we're talking about. |
| 17099 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2867 |
Michael |
Smells good. |
| 17100 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2867 |
Dwight |
Taste good too. |
| 17101 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2867 |
Michael |
Oh don't. That's disgusting. |
| 17102 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2867 |
Dwight |
Wow! Lot of calories. |
| 17103 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2867 |
Michael |
Well just don't leave it on too long. Keep massaging please. Ah yeah, that's nice. |
| 17104 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2868 |
Dwight |
Hey Michael, how was your date last night? |
| 17105 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2869 |
Michael |
I will be honest; the dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty, like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists, or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude... that, but the women I'm getting fixed up with are, egh! Not that they aren't nice, or that have great personalities, they just... They just lack a certain... Crawfordness. |
| 17106 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2870 |
Oscar |
I am livid, Absolutely livid. |
| 17107 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2870 |
Angela |
It's ridiculous. |
| 17108 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2871 |
Ryan |
Yes, I'm having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales that they made on the phone as sales that were made by the website which they should have done in the first place, if the website had been working. |
| 17109 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2872 |
Ryan |
My favorite branch. How's everybody doing? |
| 17110 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Jim |
Hey man, you mind if I run something by you? |
| 17111 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Ryan |
Love it. Go. |
| 17112 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Jim |
Well, I kinda feel like what we have going for us is our customer service, and no matter how we change this up, I don't know that a website's going to be able to replace that. |
| 17113 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Ryan |
I can tell you thought about this a lot, I appreciate that. |
| 17114 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 17115 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Ryan |
David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right? |
| 17116 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Jim |
Did I? I don't... |
| 17117 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Ryan |
You did. Yeah. |
| 17118 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Jim |
Hmm. |
| 17119 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2873 |
Ryan |
Watch your back Jim. I'm just kidding. |
| 17120 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Michael |
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, however, I swear to God, If any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half beard or... |
| 17121 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
Ok thanks Michael. |
| 17122 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 17123 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
I'm here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions. |
| 17124 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Dwight |
Question. |
| 17125 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
Dwight. |
| 17126 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Dwight |
Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made? |
| 17127 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site. |
| 17128 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Stanley |
I don't like when my clients call me to help them use the website, I'm not seeing commissions on that. |
| 17129 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2 point O. |
| 17130 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Stanley |
When will that be? |
| 17131 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
TBD. Phyllis? |
| 17132 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Phyllis |
Did the police solve the problem with the... |
| 17133 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2874 |
Ryan |
Yes, yes they did, yes they did. |
| 17134 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2875 |
Ryan |
Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators. |
| 17135 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Dwight |
I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all. |
| 17136 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Jim |
Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one. |
| 17137 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Ryan |
It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store. |
| 17138 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Jim |
And then an older gentleman asked you "Boxers or briefs?" |
| 17139 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Creed |
I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site. |
| 17140 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Kelly |
If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself. |
| 17141 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Ryan |
Do you have a question Kelly? |
| 17142 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Kelly |
Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you? |
| 17143 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2876 |
Michael |
Ryan has done a very good job, and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it, a month ago nobody would go on this site because we were worried about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time TDB, all of the problems will be in the past. Ya done good kid, ya done good. |
| 17144 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Well it has been nice seeing you again my friend. |
| 17145 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
You too. |
| 17146 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Oh Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad. |
| 17147 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
Michael let me go. Let me go Michael. |
| 17148 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Argh. Alright. Do you know any girls in New York you might want to hook me up with? Some that might be interested in a guy like me. |
| 17149 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
Na. |
| 17150 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Na? |
| 17151 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
Sorry man. |
| 17152 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Well you tried. |
| 17153 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city. |
| 17154 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 17155 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
Unreal. |
| 17156 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Michael |
They sound great. |
| 17157 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2877 |
Ryan |
Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton, alright. Peace. |
| 17158 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Would you have s*x with Meredith? |
| 17159 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
What? |
| 17160 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Do you think she'd keep it quiet? |
| 17161 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
I'm gonna go to my desk. |
| 17162 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Jim, it's not the horniness, ok it's the loneliness that... |
| 17163 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 17164 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Let's go to New York. We'll go clubbing with Ryan. |
| 17165 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
I can't. |
| 17166 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Yes you can, you're single, I'm single. It'll be awesome. |
| 17167 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
I'm not single. |
| 17168 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
Who you dating? |
| 17169 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 17170 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2878 |
Michael |
That's still going on? |
| 17171 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Michael |
Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls. |
| 17172 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 17173 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Andy |
Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying. |
| 17174 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Angela |
I'm right here. |
| 17175 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Dwight |
No, singles only, singles only. Also three is unlucky. Curse of three. |
| 17176 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Michael |
Sorry Andy. Cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight. Let's go. Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, probably wearing the same clothes that I am wearing right now, If you catch my drift. |
| 17177 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Angela |
We get it. |
| 17178 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Michael |
I am going to go get laid. Goodbye. |
| 17179 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Dwight |
With s*x! |
| 17180 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2879 |
Michael |
That's... I, I think that... |
| 17181 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2880 |
Jim |
You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow. |
| 17182 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2881 |
Jim |
So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas... the one time a year they hear one. |
| 17183 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2882 |
Michael |
Ryan's assistant told us that he would be at this club this evening. It is called Prerogative. |
| 17184 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2883 |
Michael |
Place is packed. |
| 17185 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2883 |
Dwight |
Fire hazard. |
| 17186 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2883 |
Michael |
Packed with beautiful babies. Swingers. Classic. John Favreau, tall guy from DodgeBall. |
| 17187 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2883 |
Dwight |
Women look like white slaves. |
| 17188 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2883 |
Michael |
No, they're just hotties. |
| 17189 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
I don't know man, when you think about it, Cabo's really the third world. I don't go to a place like that to see more poverty you know. You go there to get some glamour. |
| 17190 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 17191 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
Michael. |
| 17192 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 17193 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
What are you doing here? |
| 17194 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Well you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, so tada. |
| 17195 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
That is so awesome man! |
| 17196 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Alright! |
| 17197 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
And you brought this guy! |
| 17198 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 17199 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
Aww! |
| 17200 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Ryan, it's Michael and Dwight. |
| 17201 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
I know it's you guys. |
| 17202 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 17203 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
I'm so psyched you're here! |
| 17204 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Well. |
| 17205 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
Woooo! |
| 17206 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Alright! |
| 17207 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Ryan |
Let's get a drink. |
| 17208 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2884 |
Michael |
Let's do it! |
| 17209 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2885 |
Jim |
Thanks a lot guys, Good job. |
| 17210 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2885 |
Kevin |
Later. |
| 17211 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2885 |
Jim |
Nice job everybody. Great work. |
| 17212 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2886 |
Stanley |
Did you not tell the security guard we were working late? |
| 17213 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2886 |
Jim |
Nope. I didn't, but let's go inside and I can call him right now. |
| 17214 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2886 |
Pam |
You can't, I locked the office from the inside when we left. |
| 17215 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2886 |
Stanley |
Perfect, you guys worked together on this one. If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in an hour, you're both dead. |
| 17216 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2887 |
Pam |
There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die Dwight, how will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks." |
| 17217 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Ryan |
Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine, this is Troy. |
| 17218 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Michael |
Hey, nice to meet you. |
| 17219 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Troy |
Hey, how ya doing? |
| 17220 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Dwight |
Hey, Dwight. You resemble a Tolkien character. |
| 17221 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Ryan |
Ah, he basically is man. He's a regular banking wizard. |
| 17222 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. Not a wizard, a hobbit. |
| 17223 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Ryan |
Bottle service ya'll? |
| 17224 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Michael |
Oh ok, all I know is I would like some chicken fingers and a Midori Sour. |
| 17225 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Waitress |
We don't serve food here. |
| 17226 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Michael |
Oh ok, then just bring me two cups, one with olives and another filled with maraschino cherries. |
| 17227 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Dwight |
Do you live in a regular sized house? |
| 17228 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2888 |
Ryan |
Yeah. He's a normal guy, he's cool. |
| 17229 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
You really don't have his phone number? |
| 17230 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Pam |
I told you, I have the number that rings here. Do you want that number? |
| 17231 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Toby |
I might have it in here. |
| 17232 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Pam |
Aw! That's great Toby. |
| 17233 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Toby |
It's so random that I have it. |
| 17234 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Pam |
Toby, you're the best. |
| 17235 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Toby |
When I put it in I thought it would be a waste of time, but I guess it was worth it. |
| 17236 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
Great, It's under here as Security Guard home. Did you not get his name? Or... |
| 17237 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Toby |
No. |
| 17238 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
It's ringing. Does anybody have his name? Quick. |
| 17239 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Andy |
Yes, it's Eddie. |
| 17240 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
It's not, it's not Eddie, it's ah, Evan or... |
| 17241 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Creed |
Hank, his name is Hank. |
| 17242 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
No guys his name's not Hank, it's ah, is it Edgar? |
| 17243 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Phyllis |
Elliot. |
| 17244 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Oscar |
Elliot! |
| 17245 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2889 |
Jim |
Is it Elliot? Hey ch... chief, this is Jim Halpert from um... where you work. You're the guy who sits behind the desk... you're, you're the, the Afri... African-American guy, I mean you're. Ah... Who, Who've I got here? |
| 17246 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
Dwight Schrute man. How's Schrute Farms? |
| 17247 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 17248 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
This guy owns his own beet farm. |
| 17249 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Troy |
Insane. |
| 17250 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
Well it's weevil season but we were prepared. |
| 17251 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
Weevils, what a crazy word man. What? I don't even know what that means. What does that mean? |
| 17252 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, then come spring time the babies eat their way out. |
| 17253 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
Crazy. That's too much for me man, I'm gonna hit the bathroom. |
| 17254 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
You've already been several times. |
| 17255 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 17256 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
Maybe you have some kinda bladder infection. |
| 17257 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
I don't know, maybe. |
| 17258 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
I'll order you some cranberry juice. |
| 17259 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Ryan |
With vodka, you're the best. |
| 17260 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2890 |
Dwight |
Do you have powers? |
| 17261 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Jim |
Oh thank you Hank. You are a lifesaver, Hank. Appreciate it. Alright, so Hank is gonna come down here and he's gonna let us all out. He said it should just be under an hour, so... we did it. |
| 17262 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Oscar |
We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas. |
| 17263 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Toby |
Sorry guys, but I don't think I tipped him for last year's. |
| 17264 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Angela |
Yeah, neither did I. |
| 17265 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Phyllis |
Jim was supposed to collect it. |
| 17266 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Jim |
Yup... |
| 17267 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Kevin |
Way to go, man. |
| 17268 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Kelly |
Now he's never gonna come. |
| 17269 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Andy |
By a show of hands, who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam? |
| 17270 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2891 |
Pam |
Phyllis. |
| 17271 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
I umm, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting "Back to the Future." "Back" because it's on my back and "Future" because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? And it's my second favorite movie. |
| 17272 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Girl in Club |
I've never heard of that movie. |
| 17273 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
Back to the Future? Oh, wow. Well you should take a, a film education course. |
| 17274 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Girl in Club |
How old are you? |
| 17275 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
Forty... I'm in my forties. |
| 17276 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Girl in Club |
Wow. That's so cool. |
| 17277 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
Nuhh... |
| 17278 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Girl in Club |
Well I'm gonna go back to my group now. |
| 17279 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. |
| 17280 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Girl in Club |
Thanks for the drink. |
| 17281 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2892 |
Michael |
You are welcome. |
| 17282 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2893 |
Michael |
This place is like sexy pre-school. |
| 17283 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2893 |
Ryan |
Did you want a place where we could meet older women? |
| 17284 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2893 |
Ryan |
Hell yeah. I'll hook it up. |
| 17285 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2893 |
Michael |
Ahh, wow. That's dangerous. |
| 17286 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Ryan |
Check again, Ryan Howard. |
| 17287 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Dwight |
Excuse me. |
| 17288 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Tall Girl #1 |
Yeah? |
| 17289 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Dwight |
How did you all find each other? |
| 17290 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Tall Girl #1 |
Uh, we're the Jersey State Varsity Basketball team. Northeast Regional Champs. |
| 17291 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
All Girls |
Wooo! |
| 17292 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Dwight |
Amazons. |
| 17293 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Ryan |
It's off. It's not the dude I know. It's some other loser who won't let us in without chicks. |
| 17294 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Michael |
You're kidding. |
| 17295 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Ryan |
Let's bail. |
| 17296 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Dwight |
Ok, wai, wai, wai, wait, wait. You two, Jersey State girls, let's go. |
| 17297 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Tall Girl #2 |
We're not going unless we can all go. |
| 17298 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2894 |
Dwight |
OK. You know what, fine. Let's go, two girls to a guy. Come on, let's do it. C'mon, Ryan. Move out. OK, three or four with him . Let's go, c'mon. Here we go. |
| 17299 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Toby |
Hey, look what I found in the back. Wanna play? Teach you to throw. |
| 17300 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Pam |
I know how to throw a football. |
| 17301 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Toby |
Course you do. |
| 17302 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Andy |
Yeah, Pam! Hit me up! Go long. Woo! |
| 17303 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Meredith |
Owww! |
| 17304 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2895 |
Kevin |
Oh God. |
| 17305 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Bartender |
There you go. |
| 17306 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait a minute, what's this, I didn't order this? |
| 17307 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Bartender |
It's for you. From them. |
| 17308 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 17309 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Troy |
What are you doing man? |
| 17310 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2896 |
Dwight |
It's not safe. Anything could have been in there. Nice try. |
| 17311 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2897 |
Michael |
I've never met anyone who does that. You wash dogs? Very cool. |
| 17312 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2897 |
Girl in 2nd club |
That's one aspect of small pet grooming. What do you do? |
| 17313 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2897 |
Michael |
I am a bank teller. |
| 17314 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2898 |
Michael |
Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance. |
| 17315 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Girl in 2nd club |
Cool. |
| 17316 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Michael |
I think so. |
| 17317 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Girl in 2nd club |
Yeah. |
| 17318 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Michael |
Yeah, I have fun. |
| 17319 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Girl in 2nd club |
I'm just gonna just use the powder room. |
| 17320 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 17321 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Girl in 2nd club |
So I'll see ya soon. |
| 17322 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2899 |
Michael |
Very perfect. Oh my This needs to be shared. |
| 17323 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Michael |
She washes dogs. |
| 17324 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Ryan |
You're doing it man. |
| 17325 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Michael |
I know. I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but I think I want her to meet my mom. |
| 17326 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Ryan |
Hey man, you ever think there's gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust, and after all the major nations are destroyed they'll just be the tribes in the jungle that rise up and survive? The jungle war fare's gonna rule the world? |
| 17327 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Michael |
Yeah, maybe. |
| 17328 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Ryan |
It's inevitable, right? |
| 17329 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2900 |
Michael |
Hmm... |
| 17330 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Jim |
Please don't pick up, please don't pick up, please don't pick up. |
| 17331 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Hank |
Hello? |
| 17332 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Jim |
Haaank. Is that you? |
| 17333 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Hank |
Yeah. |
| 17334 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Jim |
Still haven't left the house yet, huh? |
| 17335 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Hank |
I'll get ready to leave. |
| 17336 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Jim |
Good. Please hurry. |
| 17337 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Hank |
Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks! |
| 17338 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2901 |
Jim |
Will do. I'll stop calling. |
| 17339 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2902 |
Michael |
I am. I am getting out there. Well, no I've asked a lot of girls to dance mom. They're just, it's not... Yes, I shaved above my neck. Oh my God, mom, I gotta go. One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls. |
| 17340 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2903 |
Pam |
Actually, it's kind of too bad we're not coming into work tomorrow. |
| 17341 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2903 |
Oscar |
Why? |
| 17342 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2903 |
Pam |
I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, like Scrambled Egg Saturday. |
| 17343 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2903 |
Toby |
More like "Everyone let's get your boss laid Saturday." I have an announcement uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it. So, I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home now. |
| 17344 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Michael |
Those girls really wailed on you bad. |
| 17345 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Ryan |
Why wouldn't they let me dance? |
| 17346 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 17347 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Troy |
OK I gotta go. Do not take him to a hospital. |
| 17348 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Michael |
Pretty weird. |
| 17349 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Tall Girl #1 |
You have to go with me. |
| 17350 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Dwight |
I do, I have to go. |
| 17351 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Tall Girl #1 |
Stay. Stay, please? |
| 17352 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Dwight |
No, I have to go. Good luck against Conn College, alright? |
| 17353 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Tall Girl #1 |
Call me. |
| 17354 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Dwight |
Uh huh. I'm not gonna call her. |
| 17355 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Michael |
Let's go. |
| 17356 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Ryan |
I don't wanna go back in. |
| 17357 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2904 |
Michael |
I know, here we go. |
| 17358 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Jim |
Cleaning people. Oscar. OK, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened, 'cause I think they can help us. |
| 17359 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Oscar |
Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish? |
| 17360 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Jim |
I... just... if they speak Spanish. |
| 17361 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Oscar |
Good evening, we locked ourselves in. Nosotros trabajamos aqui, nos trancamos, OK? |
| 17362 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Cleaning lady |
Ohh... |
| 17363 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2905 |
Jim |
Lucky us. |
| 17364 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Ryan |
This is a one time thing, you know that right? |
| 17365 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
Wow. |
| 17366 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
This is it. |
| 17367 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
All right. |
| 17368 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
This is where the magic happens. |
| 17369 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
Nice. |
| 17370 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Very nice. |
| 17371 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Ryan |
One of you guys can have the sofa, and one of you guys can have... |
| 17372 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
I got sofa. I got sofa. |
| 17373 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Dwight, I'm the boss. |
| 17374 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
I got floor. |
| 17375 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Case anyone needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I don't wannna get my head stepped on. |
| 17376 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me, when we were sick? |
| 17377 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 17378 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Dwight, shh shh. Dwight. Leave him alone. |
| 17379 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
It's a lullaby. |
| 17380 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Shh. Ryan, Ryan, we're going to take your clothes off. |
| 17381 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Ryan |
No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do? |
| 17382 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours. |
| 17383 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Shh, just stop. Here's what you do. You tell him that you're his friend and that you're gonna help him and that everyone's gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who's selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who's really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it. |
| 17384 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Ryan |
Guys, I'm going to sleep. You can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, OK? |
| 17385 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Dwight |
OK. Good night Ryan. |
| 17386 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2906 |
Michael |
Best night ever. |
| 17387 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2907 |
Michael |
Like I said, it's not about the horniness, it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, Boys on the side. But I don't, I disagree, I say... let's hear it for the boys. |
| 17388 |
4 |
15 |
Night Out |
2908 |
Hank |
Son of a bitch. |
| 17389 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Everybody! Everybody! Listen up, I need your ideas, now! Ideas please, right now! Go! Go! Come on! |
| 17390 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Pam |
Michael we don't know what you're talking about... |
| 17391 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Wet cement, outside. It's drying fast, come on. This is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write? |
| 17392 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Kevin |
Michael you could put your initials in it. |
| 17393 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
M.G.S.? No. Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik will claim credit for it. I don't... |
| 17394 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Jim |
Yeah that's true. |
| 17395 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Once in a lifetime opportunity people! Come on, here we go! |
| 17396 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
We-- we-- |
| 17397 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Here we go! |
| 17398 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
Well-- |
| 17399 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Let's, yes? |
| 17400 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
When I was a little girl... |
| 17401 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Okay... Okay, do it! Go on! Great! Let's hear it! |
| 17402 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
We-we found some wet cement in the park... |
| 17403 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
It's drying, it's drying... |
| 17404 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
In our neighborhood... |
| 17405 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Alright, hablbelah, come on, Phyl! |
| 17406 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Phyllis |
What did we write? |
| 17407 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Ahh come on! |
| 17408 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Andy |
Here it is, you should draw a picture... |
| 17409 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
No! |
| 17410 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Andy |
Cause that says, that says... |
| 17411 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
No! |
| 17412 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Andy |
So much more than words... |
| 17413 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
No!! Come on, gimme something good! |
| 17414 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Kelly |
Ok, ok, I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, and omhmygod, he looked so good... |
| 17415 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
Pam, translate. |
| 17416 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Pam |
She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement. |
| 17417 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
I love it! |
| 17418 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Jim |
If you were a real star you would put your face in it. |
| 17419 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
I love it more! |
| 17420 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Oscar |
Michael that doesn't seem... safe. |
| 17421 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Michael |
I... love it!! Haha, come on! |
| 17422 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2909 |
Dwight |
Come on! |
| 17423 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Jim |
We are here today, not to immortalize a man, but an idea... Maybe the idea of a man. |
| 17424 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Michael |
Hurry, please. |
| 17425 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Jim |
Greatness is only skin deep, some people say... |
| 17426 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Dwight |
Can you breathe? |
| 17427 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Jim |
Well that's not true. Other people believe it's deeper inside... |
| 17428 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Dwight |
Hold your breath. |
| 17429 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Jim |
And in this case... |
| 17430 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Dwight |
Ready? |
| 17431 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Jim |
That's also not true. |
| 17432 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Dwight |
And... go. Force it in as deep as you can. |
| 17433 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2910 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 17434 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2911 |
Michael |
Today is a very special day for me. And it's really not about me, it's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids... I can come back here when I'm 100, and I can find that piece of cement and say, "That's me. Look kids, your daddy left that face hole..." I dunno, it's a good feeling. |
| 17435 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Andy |
Okay, adjective... |
| 17436 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Angela |
Um... tall. No, no, uh, nice. |
| 17437 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Andy |
Good one. Okay, you ready? |
| 17438 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Angela |
Mmhmm. |
| 17439 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Andy |
The tall man entered the nice building to visit a very nice man. "Sit down, Mr. Smith, can I interest you in any good... cat food?" |
| 17440 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Angela |
It's a man eating cat food. |
| 17441 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2912 |
Andy |
What about a cat eating man food? |
| 17442 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2913 |
Dwight |
Andy and Angela seem very happy... I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. |
| 17443 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2914 |
Pam |
Um... yeah, I slept over at a, uh, friend's house and, I forgot my contact solution, so... I had to wear my backup glasses... Shut up. |
| 17444 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2915 |
Michael |
All right, everybody... Oh my God, Pam, those make you look so ugly. Um, Pam, in order to get hotter, you take the glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction... |
| 17445 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2915 |
Pam |
I don't have my contacts... |
| 17446 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2915 |
Michael |
Ub, dub dah, don't need, I can't even hear you. It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. Um, everybody, we're going to have a little brainstorming session in the conference room. |
| 17447 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Ener-gize... |
| 17448 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Jim |
You know what would energize me? If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly... |
| 17449 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Pam |
Don't, don't-- |
| 17450 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Jim |
Would... |
| 17451 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Pam |
If you propose to me during a Michael meeting, I will say no. |
| 17452 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Jim |
Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing... that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly, and make me the happiest man in the world. |
| 17453 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office? I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. Pam, clearly, has just given up trying. So what we need to do is we get things going, we need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas of what we could do. Any suggestions? Yes, Andy? |
| 17454 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Andy |
What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message, so it just had a little more... zing, and a little more pep? |
| 17455 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Zing and pep, see that's those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim? |
| 17456 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Jim |
What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep? |
| 17457 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Now we're cooking. I like this. Maybe a whole theme, like a rap. A rap rhyme... |
| 17458 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Jim |
An urban thing... |
| 17459 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
An urban, yeah, Stanley? You wanna help us out with that?... Stanley, earth to Stanley... |
| 17460 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Stanley |
Not me. |
| 17461 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Yes you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down and join the group. |
| 17462 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 17463 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
Stanley, we're havin a little... |
| 17464 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Stanley |
Leave me alone, dammit. |
| 17465 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
We're havin a little brainstorm session... |
| 17466 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Stanley |
DID I STUTTER? |
| 17467 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2916 |
Michael |
...Good, this is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water. |
| 17468 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Can I talk to you a second? |
| 17469 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
Ugh, what? |
| 17470 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Uh, I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning... |
| 17471 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened. |
| 17472 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. |
| 17473 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
That? In the conference room? |
| 17474 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Yeah. |
| 17475 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
We were joshin around, the two of us, and he said "did I stutter," and I said "wha-wha-wha-wha-what, dawg?" It was joking, Toby, alright? |
| 17476 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
He didn't seem like he was joking. |
| 17477 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
Well you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you. If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another: "Hey um, you're poor." "Well hey, you're mama's dead." That's what friends do. It's... you're so white. |
| 17478 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Alright... Well, um, if you really believe that Stanley was joking... |
| 17479 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 17480 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
Um, why don't you go ask him that? |
| 17481 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
Okay, I will... I'm not feeling very well right now though. My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today, but... |
| 17482 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Toby |
You know, Michael, sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when there's a mean girl at school... |
| 17483 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2917 |
Michael |
Well sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it's probably psychological. |
| 17484 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2918 |
Andy |
You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight, and look over and there's an Xterra next to you. They're always driven by chicks, so there's your icebreaker. |
| 17485 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Unh! Scratch. |
| 17486 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
That's a racing stripe. |
| 17487 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Uh, bumper's sagging. |
| 17488 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Mmm, I doubt that very much. |
| 17489 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
This car's crap. I will buy it for next to nothing. |
| 17490 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
How next to? |
| 17491 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Well, here are your options: you can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff... you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or, you can sell it to me, and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey. |
| 17492 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
I have to pick one of those? |
| 17493 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 17494 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Can you go over those options again? |
| 17495 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
You know what? You knock $1500 of the price right now, and I will take it off your hands. It's gotta be now. |
| 17496 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Well I have the, the blue book value... |
| 17497 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Seal the deal. Let's do it. Let's do this thing. Three, two, one-- |
| 17498 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Can I think about it? |
| 17499 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Five, four, three, two... |
| 17500 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Let me think about it-- |
| 17501 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Now. Now. Now. |
| 17502 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Let me think about it-- |
| 17503 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Say it. Do it. Now. |
| 17504 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
I'm thinking about it-- |
| 17505 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Do it now. |
| 17506 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Thinking-- |
| 17507 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Dwight |
Do it. Shake my hand. You will sell me this car. Shake my hand. |
| 17508 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2919 |
Andy |
Yeah. All right! |
| 17509 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2920 |
Stanley |
What. |
| 17510 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2920 |
Michael |
I, uh, see that you... gave me that form that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly, so thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal. |
| 17511 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2920 |
Stanley |
What are you talking about? |
| 17512 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2920 |
Michael |
Well, you know, uh, the thing that you said earlier, that you didn't mean, um, and that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? Friends don't need to apologize to friends as far as I'm concerned, so we are cool. |
| 17513 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2920 |
Stanley |
I am not going to apologize to you. |
| 17514 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2921 |
Stanley |
It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too. |
| 17515 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters, hence the green line--green for money-sales, get it? |
| 17516 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
Uh huh... |
| 17517 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
There is this yellow zigzag that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley... |
| 17518 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
Great |
| 17519 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
However, in so doing, it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly. |
| 17520 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
What's the pink? |
| 17521 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
Menstrual cycles. |
| 17522 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
Ok... Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this? |
| 17523 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
You. |
| 17524 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
Other than me. |
| 17525 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. This gives me full authority over every single person in the office. |
| 17526 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
I never said you could do that. |
| 17527 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
All you have to do it say it. |
| 17528 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
I... |
| 17529 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
Just say it. |
| 17530 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
Okay, I will think about it. |
| 17531 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
Say it. Just do it. Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... do it. Give me control. Michael... I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. Do it, Michael. Do it. Hey, this office needs a strong man. Say it. |
| 17532 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Michael |
No. |
| 17533 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2922 |
Dwight |
So... All right, well, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself. |
| 17534 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Kevin |
Hey Pam, I really like your glasses. |
| 17535 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Pam |
Oh, thanks. |
| 17536 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Kevin |
All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. |
| 17537 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Pam |
Oh, okay... |
| 17538 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Kevin |
Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me actually... |
| 17539 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Pam |
I should probably get back to... |
| 17540 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Kevin |
Like librarians. |
| 17541 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Pam |
Entering the.... |
| 17542 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Kevin |
Could you just say, "these are due back Thursday"? |
| 17543 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2923 |
Pam |
No. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Okay, go ahead. |
| 17544 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2924 |
Creed |
A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless. |
| 17545 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Mike. |
| 17546 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 17547 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
I'm very busy here, man. |
| 17548 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Darryl, have you ever been in a gang? |
| 17549 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Why? |
| 17550 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
It's an advice question, and if you don't wanna talk about it, I completely understand. It's, um... |
| 17551 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
No, no, no... |
| 17552 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
I know, it's very, very personal... |
| 17553 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
No, um... I have. |
| 17554 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
I knew it. Okay, who we talking about here? Crips? Bloods? |
| 17555 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Both. |
| 17556 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
God. |
| 17557 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Yeah them, and the Latin Kings... the Warriors... |
| 17558 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 17559 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Newsies. |
| 17560 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Okay, so dig this: you're on the street, and one of your gang disses you. |
| 17561 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Oh my goodness. |
| 17562 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Yeah, right, so what do you do to get them to make it right? |
| 17563 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Well see, um... in the gang world, we use something called Fluffy Fingers. |
| 17564 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
What is that? |
| 17565 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
That's when somebody really gets in your face, you know, you just... start tickling them. |
| 17566 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 17567 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Yeah, and then he starts tickling you. You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. Ya'll can just go to church together... get an ice cream cone. |
| 17568 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Michael |
I would've never thought that gangs would be tickling each other. |
| 17569 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2925 |
Darryl |
Well, it's effective. |
| 17570 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim, come here for a second. Can you answer me something, as, as a true Eagles fan? |
| 17571 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Jim |
Oh boy... |
| 17572 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
How do you live with a franchise this bad? |
| 17573 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Jim |
On a wing and a prayer, mostly. |
| 17574 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
Alright, whatever you say. Uh, listen, while I have you here with Toby, I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance. |
| 17575 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Jim |
A formal warning... |
| 17576 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here, and I know how little you care about your job. And honestly if you spent as much time selling as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, we wouldn't be having this conversation. |
| 17577 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, is, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? Because I really didn't mean to go over your head. |
| 17578 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
This is nothing to do with that, alright? I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. I thrive on it. |
| 17579 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining a little better? Cause I'm not sure what's really... |
| 17580 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2926 |
Ryan |
Woah, don't get all defensive, alright? It's just a warning. If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, alright? |
| 17581 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2927 |
Toby |
I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk, and, and hanging out with Pam, has finally caught up to him... w-with Pam |
| 17582 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2928 |
Pam |
Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want? |
| 17583 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2928 |
Jim |
Oh we were just... talking about, bureaucratic stuff... |
| 17584 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2928 |
Pam |
Because you're very important? |
| 17585 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2928 |
Jim |
Yeah... |
| 17586 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2929 |
Dwight |
Rocka doopa deepa do POW! Shacka do DO! Oh! What's Dwight up to? Oh probably nothing. Racka do do dee do-do do-do! Sha-KA! |
| 17587 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2930 |
Andy |
What the hell is this all about? You're flipping my car for profit. |
| 17588 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2930 |
Dwight |
It's my car now. |
| 17589 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2930 |
Andy |
I gave you a deal... based on what you said to me. |
| 17590 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2930 |
Dwight |
Yeah, well... seller beware. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay. |
| 17591 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2931 |
Dwight |
I've got a Madlib for you: a stupid, idiotic, numbskull named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight. |
| 17592 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
Okay, everybody, shh! So, earlier today, Stanley sassed me, and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid, so I am now going to fake fire him. |
| 17593 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Pam |
What does that mean? |
| 17594 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
It's like a mock execution. |
| 17595 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Jim |
That's not a good idea. |
| 17596 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
Yes it is a good idea. It's the only possible solution I have left. |
| 17597 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Toby |
Well, you can actually fire him. |
| 17598 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
No, okay... I've had enough of you. |
| 17599 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Oscar |
Why are you telling us this? |
| 17600 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay? |
| 17601 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Kevin |
Michael, if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing him. |
| 17602 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2932 |
Michael |
I'm not firing him. I'm not, I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I'm going to do, is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him, and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility, alright? That's all I'm, okay, here he comes. Let's just... play act. Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? |
| 17603 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Stanley Hudson, you are fired. |
| 17604 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
Are you serious? |
| 17605 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
I am serious, we are all serious. You are fired like a heart attack. |
| 17606 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
You're firing me over three words. Have you lost your mind? Do you think I'm gonna let you do this to me? |
| 17607 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 17608 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
I've watched you screw up this office for ten years, and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing you've ever done up in this office. |
| 17609 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Alright alright, okay, you know what? Now you know how I feel. This was a fake firing. Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice. |
| 17610 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
So I'm not fired. |
| 17611 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
That's it. And uh... do you have anything to say to me? |
| 17612 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
Oh yes, I do. You are out of your damn, little pea-sized, mind. What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense? At all? |
| 17613 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Okay... |
| 17614 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
Do you have any idea how to run an office? |
| 17615 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 17616 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. |
| 17617 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
That's not- |
| 17618 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
And I think, "there's no possible way-- |
| 17619 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
All right, all right... |
| 17620 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
He can top that." |
| 17621 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 17622 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Stanley |
But what do you do?! You find a way, dammit, to top it! You are professional idiot! |
| 17623 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Hey, STOP IT! Okay, everybody out. |
| 17624 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Jim |
Who? |
| 17625 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Michael |
Everybody, except Stanley. |
| 17626 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Jim |
Let's go. |
| 17627 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Pam |
I can't find my glasses. |
| 17628 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? Why don't you take my hand, and leave them, and let's get out of here. |
| 17629 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2933 |
Pam |
Okay, okay. |
| 17630 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2934 |
Kevin |
It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. And then, in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. So that's about it! |
| 17631 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Michael |
I don't understand why you keep picking on me. |
| 17632 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Stanley |
Oh, for the love of God. |
| 17633 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Michael |
You just, do, and I don't know why, so... please help me understand. |
| 17634 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Stanley |
Fine. Here it is: you are a person I do not respect. The things you say, your actions, your methods, and style. Everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way. |
| 17635 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Michael |
Well Stanley, maybe you're feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well. |
| 17636 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Stanley |
Michael I have known you a very long time, and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. Any other theories? |
| 17637 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Michael |
All right, you don't respect me. I accept that. But listen to me, you can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. Can't allow it. |
| 17638 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2935 |
Stanley |
Fair enough. |
| 17639 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2936 |
Michael |
I am good person, and sometimes, good people don't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got not respect. My wife likes to talk after s*x, so she called me from a hotel room, and said, "I don't respect you!" Ahh, thoughtless. Aw, you know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? My wife don't get no respect, some--take her, please, for example. If you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. Respect is niiice. Borat. What's the deal with Grapenuts? No grapes, no nuts. I don't get no respect! |
| 17640 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2937 |
Michael |
So I'm thinking, as a reward for our loyal clients, that we contact their assistants, and we find out where they live. And then, we go to their houses, in the middle of the summer, and go caroling. It is a summer Christmas sale-abration. And we call it, a summer sales-a-lot. Feedback? Anybody? Stanley? |
| 17641 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2937 |
Stanley |
Has potential to be your best idea yet. |
| 17642 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2937 |
Phyllis |
That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. |
| 17643 |
4 |
16 |
Did I Stutter? |
2937 |
Michael |
Dammit, Phyllis. Alright, everybody out except Phyllis. |
| 17644 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2938 |
Michael |
Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited! |
| 17645 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2938 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 17646 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2938 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm pretty excited too. |
| 17647 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2939 |
Michael |
Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School, to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place. |
| 17648 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Darryl |
Hey, are we doing this thing? |
| 17649 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael |
Yup. |
| 17650 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama! |
| 17651 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael |
Why are you dressed like that? |
| 17652 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Darryl |
Like what? |
| 17653 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael |
Like you're applying for a loan. |
| 17654 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Dwight |
Maybe he's going to church. Or court. |
| 17655 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Darryl |
Figured I look presentable. You? Went a different way. |
| 17656 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Pam |
I think you look nice. |
| 17657 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael, Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 17658 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael |
Okay, here's what we're going to do: I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales. Oscar will be in charge of accounting. Pam will be eye candy. No... uh, also, because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college. |
| 17659 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Darryl |
What college did you go to Mike? |
| 17660 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2940 |
Michael |
Let's go! |
| 17661 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2941 |
Jim |
Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course, because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here. Yeah. And uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam, that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before. Try. |
| 17662 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Phil |
Whoa! |
| 17663 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Jim |
Mr. Maguire, it's been a couple of years. |
| 17664 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Phil |
Hey Jim, how are you, nice to see you man. |
| 17665 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Andy |
Oh no! No, no-no-no-no! My grandfather would be spinning in his urn, if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir. I am... totally and completely kidding! Andrew Bernard, Cornell '95. |
| 17666 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Phil |
Phil Maguire, Dartmouth, '74 |
| 17667 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Andy |
Oop, got some blisties. |
| 17668 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2942 |
Phil |
Yeah, you do. |
| 17669 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2943 |
Andy |
Hit about 1200 balls last night, in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful. |
| 17670 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2944 |
Phil |
Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole? |
| 17671 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2944 |
Jim |
Great! |
| 17672 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2944 |
Kevin |
What are we talking? Skins? Acey Duecy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, Barkies? Arnies, Wolf? What? |
| 17673 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2945 |
Kevin |
I'm gonna take this petty cash I got from Oscar, and turn it into next month's rent. |
| 17674 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2946 |
Pam |
So many memories in this old gym. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball, pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. Those were the days! |
| 17675 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Michael |
A little over the top, don't you think? |
| 17676 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Darryl |
Show them what you brought, Mike. |
| 17677 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Pam |
Um, that's all we brought. |
| 17678 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Michael |
This is all we need. |
| 17679 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Oscar |
We'll see. |
| 17680 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2947 |
Michael |
Yes we will see Oscar, we will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities! Conceptual! All right! We. Are. Open for business! Hello! |
| 17681 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2948 |
Kevin |
Andy, you're up, let's go! |
| 17682 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2948 |
Andy |
Giddy up, let's do this. |
| 17683 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2949 |
Andy |
People assume I'm great at golf. But like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. So, I used to hang out at the sailing club instead. Got my "knot" on. |
| 17684 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2950 |
Andy |
Dammit! |
| 17685 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Meredith |
Guys, do we have to stay all day? |
| 17686 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Phyllis |
I mean, Michael's gone, can't we just go? |
| 17687 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Creed |
Yeah, and I finished my work months ago! |
| 17688 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention, some of you have forgotten, who is in charge here. When Michael is gone... Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone you answer to me. Okay? Excuse me where do you think you're going? Oh no, no, no. You're not leaving. No! Stanley, do not walk out that door! If you walk out that door, so help me, I will - He left. Last time I checked, the American workday ends at five pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time. Or, you will suffer the consequences. |
| 17689 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Phyllis |
What consequences? |
| 17690 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2951 |
Dwight |
I will tell on you. |
| 17691 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves. Replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do. Um, we... uh, eat a lot of cake! |
| 17692 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Justin |
Cool. |
| 17693 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
Yeah, and uh, you basically learn how an office runs. |
| 17694 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
Hello. Hi. Can I talk to you for a sec? Excuse me. |
| 17695 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
This is Michael, my boss. Justin. |
| 17696 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
Hey, uh, remember what we talked about, in the car on the way up, "only the best and the brightest." |
| 17697 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
He's nice and he seems interested. |
| 17698 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
He's totally wrong, Pam. Hey. |
| 17699 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Justin |
Hi. |
| 17700 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you, should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor, or a cashier with dignity, or a... migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby. |
| 17701 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Justin |
Sorry for wasting your time. |
| 17702 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
Oh, no problem. And he signed! He put his name on the piece of - okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams. And he just, made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one, immediately. |
| 17703 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Darryl |
Yeah, the booth is lame without it. |
| 17704 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
I only brought the one. |
| 17705 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
Are you mental? |
| 17706 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
Michael, do you remember, you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. And I said, "Are you sure Michael?" And you said "Pam! Pam! Pam!" And then you sneezed in my tea, and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies." Do you remember that? |
| 17707 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
I... don't. |
| 17708 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Pam |
Okay. I'll go look for another one. |
| 17709 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2952 |
Michael |
And that. Is why. I need a smart intern. |
| 17710 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2953 |
Jim |
Hey, so how's the direct mail business going? |
| 17711 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2953 |
Phil |
I can't complain, people love their junk mail. |
| 17712 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2953 |
Jim |
Now are you getting all your paper from PPC? Or- |
| 17713 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2953 |
Phil |
You know what Jim? I'm not really looking to change things up right now, I just came out here to get out of the office for a little bit, so why don't we just play, okay? |
| 17714 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2953 |
Jim |
Absolutely, will do. |
| 17715 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2954 |
Jim |
So I guess I'll just... work on my short game. |
| 17716 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Michael |
Hello there. |
| 17717 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Kid |
What is this company? |
| 17718 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Michael |
Well it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company... |
| 17719 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Oscar |
Dunder Mifflin paper. |
| 17720 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Kid |
Thanks. |
| 17721 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2955 |
Michael |
Dammit, Oscar! |
| 17722 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2956 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but uh, kids are very wary about being "lured" these days. Thank you Dateline! |
| 17723 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 17724 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Angela |
Extension 128. |
| 17725 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Creed |
Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. |
| 17726 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Creed |
Say, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in? |
| 17727 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Angela |
No. |
| 17728 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2957 |
Creed |
Are you out? Pumpkin's out, let's go gang! |
| 17729 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2958 |
Pam |
My old art room. Oh, maybe it's still here! No. No they must have taken it down. Never mind. |
| 17730 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2959 |
Michael |
What do you want? |
| 17731 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2959 |
Dwight |
Michael, I know you're swamped. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day. |
| 17732 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2959 |
Michael |
Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there? |
| 17733 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2959 |
Dwight |
So... what else is up? Mich- |
| 17734 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Michael |
Thank you! What, what is this? |
| 17735 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Pam |
A piece of paper. |
| 17736 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Michael |
This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper. Some sort of Pendleton crap. |
| 17737 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Pam |
Well I think they'll get the spirit of it. |
| 17738 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Michael |
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-PamPamPamPam! We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock. |
| 17739 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Pam |
Are you serious? |
| 17740 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Michael |
Yes. And don't call me Shirley. |
| 17741 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2960 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 17742 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2961 |
Phil |
Oh! Ah, dammit! |
| 17743 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2961 |
Jim |
You know, you can just pick it up, take the triple bogey. |
| 17744 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2961 |
Phil |
Yeah I'll- I'll get it out. Thank you. |
| 17745 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2961 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 17746 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Andy |
AH! Come on, Tuna! |
| 17747 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Jim |
Hey, can't really talk now, what's up? |
| 17748 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Pam |
Just checking in, how's it going? |
| 17749 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Jim |
Uh, you know, we'll see, we'll see. |
| 17750 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Pam |
I just drove twenty miles round-trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So, I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess. |
| 17751 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Jim |
Oh, I like you. |
| 17752 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Pam |
Talk to you later? |
| 17753 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Jim |
Yeah. All right. Bye. All right. Sorry, I got to annoy you one more time. What if I bring down shipping costs? |
| 17754 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Phil |
You can try. But I've looked at your prices. Even with free shipping? Doesn't work. It's just- it's not in the stars, Jim. Six. |
| 17755 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 17756 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Andy |
All right, race to the next hole! |
| 17757 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Kevin |
Ooh! Winner gets ten bucks! Wait -wait for me! Andy! |
| 17758 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2963 |
Andy |
Shortcut! Shortcut! Woah! I fell in the sandtrap! |
| 17759 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2964 |
Michael |
All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck. |
| 17760 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2965 |
Michael |
Hey! Game over. |
| 17761 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2966 |
Michael |
Just-in time. |
| 17762 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2966 |
Justin |
Hi. |
| 17763 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2966 |
Michael |
Just-in case. What's your last name? |
| 17764 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2966 |
Justin |
Polznik. |
| 17765 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2966 |
Michael |
This... just in. Justin Polznik! Huh? |
| 17766 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2967 |
Michael |
Justin is the ugly girl in the movie, who takes off her glasses and she's hot! And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. He's the most... important thing in my life right now. |
| 17767 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez. Accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin. |
| 17768 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Oscar |
Hey. |
| 17769 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Justin |
Hi. |
| 17770 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will "do" you. No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so, this could be number three, you never know? |
| 17771 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Pam |
Excuse me. |
| 17772 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist. |
| 17773 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Oscar |
Why, why wouldn't you say that to her face? |
| 17774 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice? The guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now. Would you do me the honor, of spending the summer with us, at Dunder Mifflin? I think, I think you are very special. |
| 17775 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Justin |
You didn't want me before. That's what you said. |
| 17776 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
No, I didn't. You misconstrued me. |
| 17777 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Justin |
You were kind of a jerk to me. |
| 17778 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
I, uh, hmm. |
| 17779 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Justin |
And I'm, I'm gonna go now. |
| 17780 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2968 |
Michael |
Why don't... hey. |
| 17781 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2969 |
Dwight |
Ah-choo! |
| 17782 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2969 |
Angela |
Bless you. |
| 17783 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2969 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 17784 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Kevin |
Okay, Jim, you owe me one-twenty, and Phil, you owe me two-thirty. |
| 17785 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Phil |
Let's open a tab, because you and me are gonna be playing more often. |
| 17786 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Andy |
Count me in! |
| 17787 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Phil |
No. |
| 17788 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Andy |
All right! |
| 17789 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Jim |
Okay. You had some fun, and uh, I think I paid for it. So let me get my last shot in there. Is there anything you can do for me? |
| 17790 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Phil |
I'll tell you what. My fiscal year ends in two months, let's talk then. Sound good? |
| 17791 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Jim |
Absolutely. |
| 17792 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Maguire |
Good playing with you guys. |
| 17793 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2970 |
Andy |
Right on. |
| 17794 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2971 |
Jim |
You know it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after ...fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good. |
| 17795 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2972 |
Woman on mic |
The job fair will be closing in five minutes. Eighth period will commence as scheduled. |
| 17796 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2972 |
Michael |
Hold down the fort, I have to do something. Excuse me. If you can hear me, I'd like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on, I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league! You know, that's not what you want. Dunder- they, well, okay I see security is coming so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn... it. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you for your time, and drive safe. |
| 17797 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2973 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 17798 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2973 |
Dwight |
You're welcome. |
| 17799 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Pam |
Beers? You closed it? |
| 17800 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Jim |
I closed it! |
| 17801 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Pam |
Yes! Oh! Um, congratulations to you, sir. |
| 17802 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Jim |
Thank you. Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate it. |
| 17803 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Pam |
Well done. |
| 17804 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Jim |
Thank you. You know what, screw this! |
| 17805 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2974 |
Kevin |
Oooh! |
| 17806 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2975 |
Michael |
Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself. And I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here, selling paper. Just like me. |
| 17807 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2976 |
Michael |
Yeah, kiss her. Kiss her good. |
| 17808 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 17809 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Hello. |
| 17810 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
I was just wondering, what kind of jobs do you guys have? |
| 17811 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Are you interested in graphic design? |
| 17812 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
Yeah. Can I fill out an application? |
| 17813 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Oh absolutely, here, take a seat. I should let you know right away, this is just an entry-level job. It's really basic. We're looking for like, a self starter, someone who can meet deadlines, who just pretty much just go the extra mile, I guess. |
| 17814 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
I can do that. |
| 17815 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Great. And uh, obviously looking for someone who knows Photoshop, and Dreamweaver. Uh, Corel Painter, Illustrator, AfterEffects, all the basics. |
| 17816 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
I don't know any of those. |
| 17817 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
It's actually not super-complicated. I mean I'm sure there's some sort of like, adult education classes in the area. But if you're really serious about graphic design, one thing about New York or Philadelphia, they've got amazing programs out there for design. |
| 17818 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
New York or Philadelphia. |
| 17819 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Yeah. |
| 17820 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
All right. Cool, well... thanks. |
| 17821 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Sure. |
| 17822 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
And uh, I'll look into those. |
| 17823 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
You should. |
| 17824 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
New York or Philadelphia. |
| 17825 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
Absolutely. |
| 17826 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 17827 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Graphics guy |
It's where the action is. |
| 17828 |
4 |
17 |
Job Fair |
2977 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 17829 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Dwight |
Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. Hello? |
| 17830 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Jim |
Hello, this is Dwight. |
| 17831 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Dwight |
Hello? Hello? |
| 17832 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Jim |
Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second... |
| 17833 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Dwight |
Jim, what are you doing? |
| 17834 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Jim |
And how many would you like? |
| 17835 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Dwight |
Uh, uh, hang that up right now. Ha- |
| 17836 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Jim |
Absolutely. We can get that out to you immediately. |
| 17837 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2978 |
Dwight |
This man is an imposter! Do not do business with him! This is not Dwight Schrute! |
| 17838 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2979 |
Jim |
Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset. |
| 17839 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
K, fine. I'll just let it go to voicemail. |
| 17840 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Jim |
Hello, this is Dwight. |
| 17841 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Pam |
Hey, is this Dwight? |
| 17842 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Jim |
Yes it is. |
| 17843 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Pam |
Oh my goodness, you sound sexy. |
| 17844 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Jim |
Oh, thank you. I've been working out. |
| 17845 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
Woah, woah, woah, Pam! |
| 17846 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Pam |
Have you? |
| 17847 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You are talking to Jim. |
| 17848 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Pam |
Dwight? |
| 17849 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
No! Pam, I'm over here! |
| 17850 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Pam |
I'm confused... |
| 17851 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
Disconnect that right now. You give me your earpiece. |
| 17852 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Jim |
Can't do that. Unsanitary. |
| 17853 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Dwight |
Ugh! Okay, you know what? Fine. I will reprogram my phone to go to my office phone. Done. |
| 17854 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2980 |
Jim |
This is Dwight. |
| 17855 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2981 |
Jim |
Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine. |
| 17856 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2982 |
Jim |
Oh, hello Mater. Good news: I've married. Tell Fater. Such a nice woman. |
| 17857 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2982 |
Dwight |
Argh! Ahh!! |
| 17858 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2983 |
Michael |
Today is Toby Flenderson's last day. I couldn't sleep last night. I came extra-early. So much energy... There are certain days you know you know you will remember for the rest of your life, and I just have a feeling that today is one of those days. |
| 17859 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2984 |
Toby |
Morning. |
| 17860 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2984 |
Michael |
Mornin'. So here we go, just a matter of hours now, until his horribleness has left the building. I'm going to set my watch alarm... And... |
| 17861 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2985 |
Toby |
Good morning, Kelly. |
| 17862 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2985 |
Kelly |
I can't believe this is your last day. How do you feel? |
| 17863 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2985 |
Toby |
Fine. Good. |
| 17864 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2985 |
Kelly |
I feel weird. |
| 17865 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
First thing on the agenda-actually, the only thing on the agenda, is the status of Toby's going away party. |
| 17866 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Angela |
We have a buttercream cake and a slideshow of Toby. |
| 17867 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 17868 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Angela |
But so far we only have two pictures of him. |
| 17869 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
Okay, well, this will not do. Toby is going away forever, and uh, we need to do something very very special. In some cultures, when somebody leaves, like New Orleans culture, they have a parade and they have a band and people party in the streets... |
| 17870 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Pam |
Do you mean, leaves as in dies? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans' funeral? |
| 17871 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
If the Devil were to explode, and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have? |
| 17872 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Angela |
Michael... |
| 17873 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
Like a beach blowout? Or a toga, toga- |
| 17874 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Angela |
No. You know-no! |
| 17875 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
Toga! |
| 17876 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Angela |
You always do this! We have a nice, modest party planned, and then you come in and demand the world. Let me be clear. There is simply no money for anything other than a cake and to develop a few more slides... although Toby won't be in them. |
| 17877 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2986 |
Michael |
I thought that you might say that. |
| 17878 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2987 |
Michael |
Every year, my sweet, sweet grandmother sends me a check on my birthday for fifty dollars. And lately, she has been sending me, like nine or ten checks a year... uh, as Nana starts to... but, I knew I should be saving it for something, I just didn't know what I should be saving it for. And then I had an awakening. "Michael, buy a motorcycle." So I put the money in my shoe, and then I forgot about it until now. |
| 17879 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2988 |
Michael |
I want a party that makes me feel like I am flying through the air without this... ugly weight holding me down, you know?... I want an antigravity machine. I saw it in a movie. You drink a potion, and then you just start floating all around. |
| 17880 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2988 |
Pam |
So how much antigravity potion do you want? |
| 17881 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2988 |
Angela |
No! No! You know what? This is not a party-planning committee anymore! And I don't want your foot money, and I feel uncomfortable participating. |
| 17882 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2988 |
Michael |
Phyllis, can you do this? |
| 17883 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2988 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 17884 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2989 |
Pam |
Hi, can I help you? |
| 17885 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2989 |
Holly |
Hi. Yes, uh, I'm Holly Flax. I was told to ask for a Mr. Flenderson? |
| 17886 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2990 |
Toby |
As part of my last day I'm training the new Human Resources rep in the ways of the company. Again, the company has allotted for this training-one day. |
| 17887 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2991 |
Toby |
So this is H.R. This is your desk. |
| 17888 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2991 |
Holly |
I love the view. |
| 17889 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2991 |
Toby |
Yeah, it's great, isn't it? |
| 17890 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 17891 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
Hey... What? |
| 17892 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
Guess who just got into the Pratt School of Design. |
| 17893 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
No way! What did I say? I said that they'd love those sketches. Congratulations! |
| 17894 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you! I don't know why I doubted it, because I'm so clearly awesome! |
| 17895 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
Yes! So when do you start? |
| 17896 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
I don't know, I didn't read it carefully, I just saw "congratulations" and I skimmed the list, I saw my name, I came in here to tell you and get a snack. |
| 17897 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
Wow. Busy morning. |
| 17898 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
So, you know it means I have to go to New York for three months... |
| 17899 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
It's not a big deal. I'll come visit you. And you'll visit me. It's only two hours away. It'll be fine. That part's gonna suck, but it'll be great. |
| 17900 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
Yeah, it sucks, but it'll be great. |
| 17901 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Jim |
See how easy that is? |
| 17902 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2992 |
Pam |
Ohh... |
| 17903 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2993 |
Pam |
I wouldn't go if things weren't so solid with Jim. And down the road, if we have a family, I couldn't go then either. So, the timing's perfect... And that is the first time I've ever used the word "perfect" in here! |
| 17904 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Toby |
Hey, Stanley... |
| 17905 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Stanley |
Hmm? |
| 17906 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Toby |
I want to introduce you to... |
| 17907 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
Toby's replacement. Ugh. Wow. |
| 17908 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
So what do we know about her? |
| 17909 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already. |
| 17910 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
I hate her too. |
| 17911 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
Why do you hate her? |
| 17912 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
Because she... stinks... with her... ways... and her... head. |
| 17913 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
You know, Dwight, sometimes... I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me. |
| 17914 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
Would that be such a bad thing? |
| 17915 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird. You know what we need to do? |
| 17916 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 17917 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
We need to sell her an elevator pass. |
| 17918 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Dwight |
But our, our elevator doesn't require a pa... |
| 17919 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2994 |
Michael |
Exactly. A little old-fashioned hazing. |
| 17920 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Phyllis |
Hi. Are there any local companies that rent antigravity machines? |
| 17921 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Woman over speakerphone |
Antigravity machines? |
| 17922 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Phyllis |
That's right. Yeah. |
| 17923 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Woman over speakerphone |
What do they do exactly? |
| 17924 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Phyllis |
They make you feel lighter... |
| 17925 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Woman over speakerphone |
Antigravity... Um... Anti...depressants? I could put you through to someone on that. |
| 17926 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2995 |
Phyllis |
Okay. |
| 17927 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 17928 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Toby |
Hey Michael. |
| 17929 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, do you still work here? |
| 17930 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Toby |
I'd like to introduce you to my replacement. |
| 17931 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Nah. |
| 17932 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Toby |
Come on. |
| 17933 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
No. I think I will pass. |
| 17934 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Toby |
Michael Scott, this is Holly. |
| 17935 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Holly |
Hi. |
| 17936 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Hi. Yeah. Right. Okay, well, they hired a female Toby. Good for the world. Thank you, God, for creating two of you. Here's how things work here: my job is to make the office fun. Your job is to make the office lame. And we have an eternal struggle, you and I. And only one of us can be the winner. Spoiler alert: I'm gonna win. |
| 17937 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Holly |
Man, someone doesn't like H.R. |
| 17938 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 17939 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Holly |
What did you do to him? |
| 17940 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Toby |
Nothing. |
| 17941 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
T-No. He tortured me... with his awfulness. |
| 17942 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Holly |
Yeah, I know what you mean. I nearly fell asleep when he gave me a tour of the files. Um, well look, I'll let you get back to work, but I-I really look forward to working with you, Mr. Scott. |
| 17943 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2996 |
Michael |
Y-You can-Michael. |
| 17944 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2997 |
Michael |
Thanks to Toby, I have a very strong prejudice against Human Resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. What I failed to consider though, is that not all monsters are bad. Like E.T. Is Holly our extraterrestrial? Maybe. Or maybe she's just an awesome woman from this planet. |
| 17945 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2998 |
Creed |
The pleasure's all mine. |
| 17946 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2998 |
Holly |
Oh, thanks. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here. |
| 17947 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2998 |
Creed |
Any time. |
| 17948 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2998 |
Holly |
What do you do here? |
| 17949 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2998 |
Creed |
...Excuse me. |
| 17950 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
2999 |
Creed |
What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business. "What do I do?"... Really, what do I do here? I should've written it down. "Qua" something, uh... qua... quar... quibo, qual...quir-quabity. Quabity assuance! No. No, no, no, no, but I'm getting close. |
| 17951 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3000 |
Dwight |
Have you been introduced to Kevin? |
| 17952 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3000 |
Holly |
No. Which one's Kevin? |
| 17953 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3000 |
Dwight |
He's here on a special work program. He's slow, you know, in his brain. |
| 17954 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3000 |
Holly |
Oh. Good for you guys. |
| 17955 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3000 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 17956 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3001 |
Dwight |
Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked. |
| 17957 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Dwight |
Accounting department, listen up. Holly, Human Resources. Angela, Oscar, and Kevin. |
| 17958 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Hello. Hello. Hi. |
| 17959 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 17960 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
What do you do? |
| 17961 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Kevin |
I do the numbers. |
| 17962 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Oh, good for you. |
| 17963 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Kevin |
Do you want a M&M? |
| 17964 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Oh, no, that is so sweet. But thank you though. |
| 17965 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Kevin |
Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them. |
| 17966 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Well that is a very safe place for them. |
| 17967 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 17968 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
Here she is! Holly... You know, if we hung Holly from the ceiling, we'd have to kiss underneath of her. So-I know. Oh, sorry. Question, are you real, or are you a Hollygram? |
| 17969 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Oh... Nice, I've never heard that one before actually. |
| 17970 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
I bet. |
| 17971 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
That's good. |
| 17972 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
I bet. Are these guys boring your ears off? |
| 17973 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
No, no, I... |
| 17974 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
Oh... What, um, what is your commute like? How long does it take to get in? |
| 17975 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Ooh, uh... |
| 17976 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
You know, I should make you a mix. Do you have a, uh, a CD player? |
| 17977 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Um... Y-yeah. Okay. |
| 17978 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 17979 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Thanks. |
| 17980 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 17981 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3002 |
Holly |
Great. |
| 17982 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Pam |
Do you like it? It's a photo of everyone in the office. So you can take it to Costa Rica. |
| 17983 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Toby |
You're-you're not in it. |
| 17984 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Pam |
Well I was taking the picture. |
| 17985 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Toby |
I love it. I love it... I would love a picture of the two of us, to also take to Costa Rica. |
| 17986 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Pam |
Sure, do you have a camera here? |
| 17987 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Toby |
No, uh... Does anyone have a camera here? No one has a camera here. Uh... |
| 17988 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Pam |
Okay... |
| 17989 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3003 |
Toby |
I'm gonna... I'll go get one. Stay. |
| 17990 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
So I just got the fax closing the sale, and uh, it's big. It is really big. |
| 17991 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Ryan |
Congratulations! |
| 17992 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 17993 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Ryan |
Don't interrupt. |
| 17994 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
I just- |
| 17995 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Ryan |
Congratulations on doing your job. Did you enter the sale on the website? |
| 17996 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
No, I didn't. I just logged it in right here, so... |
| 17997 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Ryan |
All right, try to be a team player here, Jim. Log it in the website. |
| 17998 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
All right, well it already went through, so... |
| 17999 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Ryan |
Don't worry about that. Just re-log it. |
| 18000 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3004 |
Jim |
Hello? |
| 18001 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Hmm... Jim? I am downloading some N3P... |
| 18002 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
That's not it. |
| 18003 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Music... |
| 18004 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 18005 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
For a CD mix tape... |
| 18006 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Close. |
| 18007 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
For Holly. |
| 18008 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Mmhmm. |
| 18009 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
And I'm looking for perfect songs that work on two levels. |
| 18010 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
What are the two levels? |
| 18011 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
The two levels being, uh, "Welcome to Scranton"... |
| 18012 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Mmhmm. |
| 18013 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
And "I... love you." |
| 18014 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Okay. Let's start with the "I love you" level. |
| 18015 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Hey, what's the group that was from Scranton that made it big? Was that U2? |
| 18016 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Yes. You don't love Holly. |
| 18017 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
I think I do. |
| 18018 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
But you just met her. |
| 18019 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Well, it was love at first sight. Actually, it was-no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears. |
| 18020 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Oh, okay, it doesn't work like that. |
| 18021 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Well, you're not a romantic. |
| 18022 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Actually, I think I am. And I have a little bit of experience in office romance. |
| 18023 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Oh really? |
| 18024 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 18025 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Like, with who? |
| 18026 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
We've been through this. |
| 18027 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Pam? |
| 18028 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Yes, we are still dating. And guess what? I took it slow. |
| 18029 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
Yeah, you took it too slow. |
| 18030 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
Well, we're really happy. |
| 18031 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
This thing with Holly feels a lot like love to me. |
| 18032 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
And that's really sweet. And you can think that. But you don't say that out loud, and you definitely don't say it to her. |
| 18033 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Michael |
I don't want her to get away. |
| 18034 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3005 |
Jim |
I know. Here, Michael, you can court her as you get to know her, you know? I mean, the office is a great place for that. Pam and I, we got to know each other right out there. I mean, the first time we joked around was at my desk. And the first meal we ever had was, in the break room, actually. We were at two separate tables and, I remember that. The first time we kissed even, was right outside, and... Look, all I'm saying is that you can get to know someone really really well, like I did, right here at work. |
| 18035 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Jim |
I was thinking... fireworks for the party. What do you think? |
| 18036 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Phyllis |
Oh boy. I appreciate your help, but I can't... |
| 18037 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Jim |
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just meant I wanted to pay to have fireworks at the party. |
| 18038 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Phyllis |
Why would you do that? |
| 18039 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Jim |
Because I'm gonna miss Toby. Yep, he's a heck of a guy, and I think we should send him off right. It doesn't matter. Here ya go. |
| 18040 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Phyllis |
Really? |
| 18041 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3006 |
Jim |
Well we all want a good party, right? |
| 18042 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3007 |
Jim |
I'm going to propose tonight. Holy crap! |
| 18043 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Holly |
Hey Kevin. |
| 18044 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 18045 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Holly |
Do you need some help? |
| 18046 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Kevin |
I can't decide what to get. |
| 18047 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Holly |
Well, what do you like to eat? |
| 18048 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Kevin |
Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips. |
| 18049 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Holly |
Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? Okay, let's see... fifty... Oh, this is a button. Okay. Fifty-five, sixty-five, okay, you have seventy-five cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row. |
| 18050 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3008 |
Kevin |
Hmm... |
| 18051 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3009 |
Kevin |
I'm totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me. |
| 18052 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3010 |
Jim |
Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don't care, because you're trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don't think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I'm not going anywhere. |
| 18053 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Damn it! |
| 18054 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
Hello, Holly. Woah, what are you doing? You don't, uh, you don't have to do that. I mean, we have already put-together chairs. That's how we buy them actually. |
| 18055 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Oh, I'm trying to adjust the lumbar support on Toby's chair and... that made this up/down lever thing not work, and then I took the whole chair apart, and that... is the story of me on the floor. It's pretty good, right? You know, I'm gonna sell the movie rights. |
| 18056 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
And the sequel, "Woman Stands at Desk and Works." So, I have no idea how you, how you sit like that. |
| 18057 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Yoga. |
| 18058 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
Sit on floor and put together chair we will. Yo-da. Um... |
| 18059 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Pass curvy metal piece, you will. |
| 18060 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
So are you in down this weekend? Cause, I'm not-I'm not... I'm not gonna be in town. I'm going out of town. |
| 18061 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Ohh, so you can't make my orgy? Kidding! |
| 18062 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
Kidding. Acting! |
| 18063 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Acting! |
| 18064 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
Acting! |
| 18065 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Holly |
Lovitz. |
| 18066 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3011 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 18067 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Michael |
I did it! |
| 18068 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Jim |
What'd you do? |
| 18069 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Michael |
I talked to her-Holly. Just pleasantries, nothing, you know... not like, do you want kids or, religion, or what side of the bed do you want. Hey, I can take either side of the bed at this point. |
| 18070 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Jim |
Wow. Okay, so how'd that feel? |
| 18071 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Michael |
It was hard. I wanted to kiss her. |
| 18072 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm so glad you didn't. |
| 18073 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Michael |
Whew, oh God. Laying a base. Laying a base... |
| 18074 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Jim |
There you go. There's plenty of base-laying left, right?... Hey. Hey! |
| 18075 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3012 |
Michael |
Yeah... |
| 18076 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Phyllis |
Hello Angela. |
| 18077 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Angela |
Phyllis, you look like you're gonna have a heart attack. |
| 18078 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Phyllis |
Can I get a list of your vendors? |
| 18079 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Angela |
I shredded it. |
| 18080 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Phyllis |
Why would you do that? |
| 18081 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Angela |
Gosh, I just don't know. Why do you think? |
| 18082 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3013 |
Phyllis |
Sorry. |
| 18083 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3014 |
Toby |
What'd you guys do? |
| 18084 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3014 |
Michael |
Oh, there he is. Thought you had gone home already. Why don't you go home, and come back for the party? |
| 18085 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3014 |
Toby |
Well, we still have to do the exit interview. |
| 18086 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3014 |
Michael |
Yes we do. |
| 18087 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3015 |
Michael |
I'll let you in on a little secret: I've been very much looking forward to this moment. Very, very much. I-I have been steeped in anticipation. Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for twelve years, and I am now his cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin'. |
| 18088 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
Wow, thanks, Michael, I... |
| 18089 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Can I just say that, of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend. |
| 18090 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
Hello. |
| 18091 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Hey! Hi, good to see you. |
| 18092 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
You too. |
| 18093 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
I'm just having a little exit interview. |
| 18094 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here. |
| 18095 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Um, no, no, no. This is very boring stuff. Why don't you take a tour? Have you seen the baler? |
| 18096 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
No, no, I'll look at it later. It's part of my job. |
| 18097 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 18098 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Pam |
Did you need me to take notes? |
| 18099 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
Hi Pam. Stay. |
| 18100 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 18101 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Um... Alright, well then, I will proceed. I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um... Who do you think you are? |
| 18102 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
I'm Toby. |
| 18103 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Yeah. Correct. Um... What gives-what-what gives you the right? |
| 18104 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
Um, I-I brought the binder. Do you wanna take a little look? |
| 18105 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Sure. You know what? That sounds good. I'll take a little look-see. |
| 18106 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
Here you go. |
| 18107 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Thank you. What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin? |
| 18108 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
This place, um... |
| 18109 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
Well, no no no no no... |
| 18110 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
I've got some ideas, I guess... |
| 18111 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
No no no no no. I'm not asking it. I'm just reading it out loud. |
| 18112 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Holly |
Oh, I'd like to hear the answer. |
| 18113 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
Well let me see... I would, uh... |
| 18114 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Michael |
I'll kill you. |
| 18115 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3016 |
Toby |
I guess everything's okay. |
| 18116 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3017 |
Toby |
I made it this far, right? What's the point? |
| 18117 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
Toby, why don't you open your present? |
| 18118 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
Oh, no no no, no, no. No, this-hey, hey, hey, hey, this might not be what I think... that I don't even know is in there, because there are a lot of presents in my car, and I don't know which is which... |
| 18119 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Toby |
"Suck on this." |
| 18120 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
What the hell is that? |
| 18121 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
Michael... |
| 18122 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
That's... What do you mean, "Michael"? That's not even my handwriting. Hey! What the hell is going on here?! Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going-away gift?! |
| 18123 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Dwight |
You did. |
| 18124 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
No! |
| 18125 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Dwight |
You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line. I just- |
| 18126 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is... a psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to Toby. |
| 18127 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
So what is your gift? |
| 18128 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
My gift is forthcoming, Pam. |
| 18129 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
What is it? |
| 18130 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
I am going to give Toby... |
| 18131 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
Your watch? |
| 18132 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
...Yes, I am. That was it. How did you know that? |
| 18133 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
I just knew. |
| 18134 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
How did you know? |
| 18135 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Holly |
Oh that is so sweet. |
| 18136 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
Well... That's my watch. |
| 18137 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Toby |
Thanks, I'm gonna set it to Costa Rica time. |
| 18138 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Michael |
Hey, that's good. |
| 18139 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Creed |
Hey, it's the kid! Look, look, look, look, look! Hey! It's the temp! Look! |
| 18140 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Dwight |
Oh my gosh. |
| 18141 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Creed |
It's the temp! |
| 18142 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Pam |
Is that the police? |
| 18143 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 18144 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3018 |
Creed |
Mm-hmm. |
| 18145 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3019 |
Oscar |
Well this is what happened: uh, Ryan's big project was the website... which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice: once as office sales, once as website sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as "misleading the shareholders." Another good term is "fraud." The real crime, I think, was the beard. |
| 18146 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3020 |
Michael |
Oh my God. Ryan... Oh my God. |
| 18147 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3021 |
Kelly |
I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, "Hi Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison." |
| 18148 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3022 |
Jim |
Would you do me a favor and connect me to Ryan? |
| 18149 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3022 |
Pam |
Absolutely. |
| 18150 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3022 |
Jim |
Right to voicemail. Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. You know what? Totally disregard that last voicemail, because you obviously have your hands tied. Good luck! |
| 18151 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Holly |
What's protocol on this? |
| 18152 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Toby |
I normally do nothing, I guess. No, you shouldn't- |
| 18153 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Holly |
Michael, are you okay? |
| 18154 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Michael |
I'm just worried about my friend. |
| 18155 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Holly |
Oh, of course you are. |
| 18156 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Michael |
Just, I'm fine. I'm holding it together. I-I have a business to run. |
| 18157 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Holly |
No, hey. |
| 18158 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Michael |
I'm cool. |
| 18159 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3023 |
Holly |
Stop. You can let yourself be upset. He's your friend. You know what I usually find?... |
| 18160 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3024 |
Michael |
Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level. |
| 18161 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3025 |
Kevin |
Woah! Cool! A bouncy house! |
| 18162 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3025 |
Phyllis |
Kevin, take your shoes off first! |
| 18163 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3025 |
Michael |
No antigravity machine, huh? |
| 18164 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3025 |
Phyllis |
Sorry, Michael, I don't think they're real. |
| 18165 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3025 |
Michael |
Ferris wheel's pretty cool though. |
| 18166 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3026 |
Pam |
Wow. Look at our parking lot. |
| 18167 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3026 |
Jim |
Yeah, who'd have thought? |
| 18168 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3027 |
Pam |
Is Jim gonna propose tonight? He is, isn't he? No, he's not... Is he? |
| 18169 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3028 |
Holly |
Oh, it was a pretty good company, but I just couldn't see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in but impossible to rise up. |
| 18170 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3028 |
Michael |
That's what she... a lot of places are like that. |
| 18171 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3028 |
Holly |
I think it's really cool you hired Kevin. |
| 18172 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3028 |
Michael |
Thanks. |
| 18173 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
You have it? |
| 18174 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Meredith |
Almost. |
| 18175 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
Okay, here we go. Here we go. Put it in. |
| 18176 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
I like, uh... |
| 18177 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Holly |
That-That's my car. |
| 18178 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
Hey. What are you doing? |
| 18179 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
Mose! |
| 18180 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
What the hell is going on here?! |
| 18181 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
N-nothing you need to know the details of. |
| 18182 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight! |
| 18183 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
N-no there's not. |
| 18184 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
Why did you do that? |
| 18185 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
It was playful hazing. |
| 18186 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
No. There is no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now, and maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. Fifty years, she is the best. Take care of that, all right? |
| 18187 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
It's not rabid. |
| 18188 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Michael |
Shh... |
| 18189 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Meredith |
Thanks for bringing that up. |
| 18190 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3029 |
Dwight |
Get it out. Come on, get it out. Get it out. |
| 18191 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3030 |
Michael |
I'm really sorry. |
| 18192 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3030 |
Holly |
Michael, thank you so much for saying that. I feel so welcome here. |
| 18193 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3030 |
Michael |
Yeah... |
| 18194 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3030 |
Holly |
I just... Um, excuse me. |
| 18195 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3031 |
Michael |
Did you see that! Did you see it? Did you see what... wow-wee! Uh, well, Jan didn't believe in showing affection, so... sometimes I don't know how to react when a girl touches me. Oh... I like it! |
| 18196 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3032 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
Hey Mrs. Vance, we're all out! |
| 18197 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3032 |
Phyllis |
Hey, Kev, I need you to do me a solid and go buy some more barbeque sauce. Okay. |
| 18198 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3033 |
Holly |
Cool! You drive your own car? |
| 18199 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3033 |
Kevin |
Yup. This is my car. Do you drive your own car? |
| 18200 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3033 |
Holly |
Yep. Just like you. |
| 18201 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3033 |
Kevin |
Okay, bye. |
| 18202 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3033 |
Holly |
Bye. Kevin, I'm really proud of you. |
| 18203 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
Alright! Let's hear it for Darryl and his band. You know what? Let's also give a shout-out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh? |
| 18204 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Pam |
Yay, Phyllis! |
| 18205 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? But the real reason that we are here, is to say goodbye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter. |
| 18206 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Pam |
Song parody writer. |
| 18207 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
I have done things like um, "Beers in Heaven." |
| 18208 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Jim |
Classic. |
| 18209 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
Or, "Total Eclipse of the Fart." |
| 18210 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Jim |
Not my favorite, but... |
| 18211 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Pam |
I like that one. |
| 18212 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Jim |
It's not my favorite... |
| 18213 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Pam |
I like that one. |
| 18214 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. Do you know, um, "Goodbye Stranger"? Supertramp? |
| 18215 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 18216 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3034 |
Michael |
It was early morning yesterday... I was up before the dawn... and I really have enjoyed my stay... Toby must be movin' on. |
| 18217 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3035 |
Pam |
I'm gonna to miss Toby. He has a nice, calming presence in the office. |
| 18218 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3036 |
Michael |
Goodbye Toby, it's been nice. Hope you find your paradise... |
| 18219 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3037 |
Pam |
Don't tell him I said this, but I always thought he was kinda cute. |
| 18220 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3038 |
Michael |
Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby's goin' away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by! |
| 18221 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Holly |
Not bad. |
| 18222 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
Oh, hey. Thanks. |
| 18223 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Holly |
Someday I would love to hear "Beers in Heaven." |
| 18224 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, actu-too soon. It's uh, it's uh, very sexual. Sorry. Kevin. Kevin, where are you? You missed my song, buddy. |
| 18225 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's. You have to come down here. |
| 18226 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
Just pay for it and we'll reimburse you when you get back. |
| 18227 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Kevin |
No, I-I brought my money. Michael, there's something that you need to see. |
| 18228 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
What is it? |
| 18229 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Kevin |
Just hurry. |
| 18230 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Holly |
Is he okay? |
| 18231 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
Yeah. He's at the supermarket and he needs me. |
| 18232 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Holly |
Yeah well, the party, driving to the supermarket... it's a big day for him. |
| 18233 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3039 |
Michael |
Yeah, that's true. Don't move a muscle. I will be back momentarily, all right? No, you can drink-you can finish your drink and then I'll-okay, I'll be back. |
| 18234 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Jan |
Well it was good to see you. |
| 18235 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Kevin |
It was great to see you, Jan. |
| 18236 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Jan |
Yeah, so... |
| 18237 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Michael |
O-kay. Hello Jan. |
| 18238 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Jan |
Hello... Michael. |
| 18239 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Michael |
Wow, Kevin, really? We're- Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here? |
| 18240 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Michael, I just uh... |
| 18241 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Jan |
I... |
| 18242 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Kevin |
I think you kids have a lot to catch up on. |
| 18243 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 18244 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 18245 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3040 |
Michael |
Thanks, Kevin. Um... |
| 18246 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Wow. I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous? |
| 18247 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
No. |
| 18248 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Do you-do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecea, or my Accutane, did you? |
| 18249 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Uh, no. |
| 18250 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Good. Good. Thank God. |
| 18251 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
I didn't... |
| 18252 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Cause that's... |
| 18253 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
... touch that. |
| 18254 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy... |
| 18255 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Why? |
| 18256 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very... |
| 18257 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Yeah, it did... |
| 18258 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
... proud. |
| 18259 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
... happen when... |
| 18260 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Um... |
| 18261 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad. |
| 18262 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
You cheated on me... when I specifically asked you not to? |
| 18263 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not. |
| 18264 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
Well, okay... |
| 18265 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Yeah. |
| 18266 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
So it's mine, and it's not somebody else's, so... I know... the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so... |
| 18267 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
I went to a sperm bank. |
| 18268 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
You did? |
| 18269 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Yuh-huh. |
| 18270 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
When we were going out? |
| 18271 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
Uh, yeah. |
| 18272 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
W-I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious... I'd wear two condoms. |
| 18273 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
I know. |
| 18274 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than my sperm? |
| 18275 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
No, no no... it's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really... this is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalogue. You should look through it. It's... and it's-in fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables. |
| 18276 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Michael |
IHop. |
| 18277 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3041 |
Jan |
IHop. |
| 18278 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3042 |
Jan |
If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count. |
| 18279 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3043 |
Jan |
Oh, that's really good. I feel so much better. I just needed to get all that out onto the table. |
| 18280 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3043 |
Michael |
I'm glad you told me. |
| 18281 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3043 |
Jan |
Look, I don't know what you're gonna be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class in Allentown, and um... you could come. I usually, you know, use a foam noodle instead of a partner... |
| 18282 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3043 |
Michael |
Um, I'll... I have to think about it. |
| 18283 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3043 |
Jan |
Okay. |
| 18284 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3044 |
Michael |
My whole life, I have known two things: I love s*x, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other. |
| 18285 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3045 |
Pam |
Oh look, they're starting. |
| 18286 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3046 |
Angela |
Well, I hope you had fun today, because you're never ever throwing a party again. |
| 18287 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Jim |
Hey... |
| 18288 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Andy |
Can I have your attention please? I was waiting for the right time to do this, and I can't think of a better time than right now, with the music playing, and all our friends around, and fireworks going off... My parents are here! Andrew and Ellen Bernard. Thank you for sharing in this joyous moment. Miss Angela Martin, will you please join me onstage? Okay, then I will come to you, my flower. |
| 18289 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Darryl |
Unh! Damn it! |
| 18290 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Andy |
Angela, will you do me the honor... of giving me your tiny hand in marriage? |
| 18291 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Angela |
...Okay. |
| 18292 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Andy |
Into the mic, sweetie. |
| 18293 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Angela |
I said, okay. |
| 18294 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3047 |
Andy |
She said yes! And the crowd goes wild! Woo! |
| 18295 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3048 |
Andy |
I've been carrying that ring around in my wallet for six years. Because you don't know when you're gonna meet the right girl and the moment's gonna be right. And tonight, with the fireworks, and the music, and everything... it was right. |
| 18296 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3049 |
Kelly |
Can I be your bridesmaid? |
| 18297 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3049 |
Angela |
No. |
| 18298 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3050 |
Dwight |
Well... it's my own fault. |
| 18299 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3051 |
Andy |
Tuna! I'm engaged! |
| 18300 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3051 |
Jim |
I know. That's awesome, man. That's great. |
| 18301 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3051 |
Andy |
Mr. Andrew Bernard... it's got a nice ring to it. |
| 18302 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Toby |
Hey. Hey, you know, I just realized uh, I don't have a picture of the two of us. |
| 18303 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, um... |
| 18304 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Toby |
Yeah, could we... |
| 18305 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Pam |
Sure. Meredith, do you mind? |
| 18306 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Toby |
This one right here. |
| 18307 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Meredith |
Okay. One two three- Oh let's do it again. Pam your smile is weird. |
| 18308 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Toby |
It's digital, so just take as many as you want. |
| 18309 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3052 |
Meredith |
One, two three- One, two, three- |
| 18310 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3053 |
Pam |
I don't know, I just, I really thought Jim was gonna propose tonight... |
| 18311 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Hey there. |
| 18312 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 18313 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
So you missed something really big. |
| 18314 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 18315 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Yeah, Andy proposed to one of your accountants. |
| 18316 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Oh, wow. |
| 18317 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
I'm not so specific as I can be on my first day, but... |
| 18318 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Well, I can see Andy proposing to Angela. I can also see him proposing to Oscar. Oh... |
| 18319 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
So... You know, somehow after all those ribs, I'm still really hungry. I don't know, I was thinking of maybe going off-campus somewhere, getting some dessert, or... |
| 18320 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Oh, um, well, you know what? You should go to the Glider Diner. Ask Stanley about that. Practically lives there. |
| 18321 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Okay. |
| 18322 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Kevin |
I'll go to the diner with you. |
| 18323 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Oh that would be great. |
| 18324 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Kevin |
Yeah, we can go eat pie. |
| 18325 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
I love pie. |
| 18326 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Kevin |
Me too. |
| 18327 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Okay. |
| 18328 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Have a good night. |
| 18329 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Holly |
Okay. Good night. |
| 18330 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3054 |
Michael |
Bye. |
| 18331 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3055 |
Holly |
Yeah, it was a good day. I mean, first days are always the hardest, right? Well, I should go. I gotta buckle him in. |
| 18332 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Michael |
Well this is it. I am here to see you off. |
| 18333 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Toby |
Thanks... Really, Michael? |
| 18334 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Michael |
Sorry. Corporate policy. |
| 18335 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Toby |
It's not. |
| 18336 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Michael |
You might take something. |
| 18337 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Hank |
I don't think he's gonna take anything. |
| 18338 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3056 |
Michael |
Okay, security guard. |
| 18339 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3057 |
Toby |
Oh, some kind of... alarm. |
| 18340 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3057 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 18341 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3058 |
Michael |
Hi, Jan, it's Michael. I just um, I just want to let you know that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow. Um, and if there's any details you need to fill me in on, like... what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great. And I... will see you tomorrow morning. I am going to be... kind of a daddy. |
| 18342 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3059 |
Phyllis |
Party planning's a real high. Like a runner's high. |
| 18343 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3059 |
Angela |
Oh my God! |
| 18344 |
4 |
18 |
Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) |
3059 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 18345 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3060 |
Michael |
All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up. |
| 18346 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3060 |
Dwight |
From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more. |
| 18347 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3061 |
Michael |
This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch loses the most weight gets three extra vacation days. |
| 18348 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Meredith |
What should we do with all these leftovers? |
| 18349 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Stanley |
I'm taking the dumplings for my wife. |
| 18350 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers. |
| 18351 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Creed |
I can bring these to my shelter. |
| 18352 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Stanley |
I'm taking my dumplings. |
| 18353 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Dwight |
There. Take those home to your wife. |
| 18354 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Michael |
Dwight, Dwight! |
| 18355 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3062 |
Dwight |
Michael, it's time. |
| 18356 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3063 |
Dwight |
Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up. |
| 18357 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3063 |
Darryl |
Don't go breaking my scale. |
| 18358 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3064 |
Andy |
I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding, because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked. |
| 18359 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Holly |
Ex-squeeze me. |
| 18360 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Michael |
No, I will ex-squeeze you. |
| 18361 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Michael |
OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays. |
| 18362 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow. |
| 18363 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Jim |
Really, nothing? |
| 18364 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Darryl |
2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control. |
| 18365 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale. |
| 18366 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Michael |
Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only. |
| 18367 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Dwight |
Family only. |
| 18368 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Darryl |
All right, got it. 2,210 pounds. |
| 18369 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Kevin |
Pam, you weigh 226 pounds? |
| 18370 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Holly |
Almost, Kevin. |
| 18371 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Pam |
Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not -- not close to 200... |
| 18372 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Holly |
Math is hard. |
| 18373 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 18374 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3065 |
Pam |
Just, we'll just keep going. |
| 18375 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3066 |
Andy |
I'm totally gonna slaughter at the weigh-in today. |
| 18376 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3066 |
Oscar |
All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke. |
| 18377 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3066 |
Andy |
Really? 'Cause I haven't eaten anything since noon on Friday. |
| 18378 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3066 |
Oscar |
OK. Stanley, come on. |
| 18379 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3066 |
Stanley |
Oh, I forgot something in my car. I'll see you guys up there. |
| 18380 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3067 |
Stanley |
I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted. |
| 18381 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3068 |
Holly |
And arch your back. And slowly bring up your head. |
| 18382 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
Jimbo. |
| 18383 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
Ah, they moved the shower. |
| 18384 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
Did you see Holly's butt? |
| 18385 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
No, I didn't. You know why? |
| 18386 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 18387 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
Because most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends' butts. |
| 18388 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 18389 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
But what have you learned about her? |
| 18390 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read "Lonesome Dove" three times. |
| 18391 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 18392 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
And that her butt refuses to quit! |
| 18393 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
Well, I tried. |
| 18394 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
You have to agree with me. That's insane. |
| 18395 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Jim |
I'll just go later. |
| 18396 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3069 |
Michael |
I thought you had to pee. |
| 18397 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
Hey, if you're into yoga, I take a great bikram class in Dickson City. |
| 18398 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
Oh, thanks. I should check that out. |
| 18399 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
Also -- and no pressure -- the teacher? He's a catch. |
| 18400 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
Actually, I'm a lesbian. |
| 18401 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
I'm gay! |
| 18402 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that... It's a joke. |
| 18403 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
What's the joke? |
| 18404 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
There is no joke. I just said it because I haven't had much luck lately and I'm not really looking to date. Maybe I should switch to women. |
| 18405 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
Oh, you think it's a choice? |
| 18406 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
Um, I'm gonna head back to my work area and just-- |
| 18407 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
I'm messing with you, Holly. |
| 18408 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Holly |
I knew that. OK, bye. |
| 18409 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3070 |
Oscar |
OK. |
| 18410 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Jim |
So you have the directions. |
| 18411 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 18412 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Jim |
You have a toothbrush. |
| 18413 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 18414 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Jim |
You have a cell phone charger. |
| 18415 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3071 |
Pam |
I have everything. |
| 18416 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3072 |
Pam |
Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. What up, 212? |
| 18417 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3073 |
Dwight |
Fax this for me. |
| 18418 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3073 |
Jim |
Come on, man. She goes to New York in like 10 minutes. |
| 18419 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3073 |
Dwight |
It's not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. If I don't see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind. |
| 18420 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3074 |
Andy |
Ang. Ela. Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-- |
| 18421 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3074 |
Angela |
What? |
| 18422 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3074 |
Andy |
Hey, check it out. This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper. |
| 18423 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3075 |
Andy |
Every little boy fantasizes about his fairy-tale wedding. |
| 18424 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3076 |
Angela |
No. No. |
| 18425 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3076 |
Andy |
This is where my parents decided not to get divorced. |
| 18426 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3076 |
Angela |
I don't care. |
| 18427 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3076 |
Andy |
OK. How do you feel about Maine? I'm on it. I'll see you later, love. |
| 18428 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3077 |
Dwight |
Ahh. We done good in there, half pint. |
| 18429 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3077 |
Angela |
Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it. |
| 18430 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3077 |
Dwight |
Monkey. |
| 18431 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3077 |
Angela |
No, no. I have a fiance I very much like! |
| 18432 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Michael |
Hey, hey! Pam, Pam! Hey! |
| 18433 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Jim |
What happened? |
| 18434 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Michael |
I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it? |
| 18435 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Pam |
I should really get going. |
| 18436 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Michael |
No. OK. Um, the last word is "seagulls." |
| 18437 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Pam |
I'm sure it was really lovely. |
| 18438 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Michael |
I took a lot from other poems. |
| 18439 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Jim |
Call me when you get in. |
| 18440 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Pam |
OK, bye. |
| 18441 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 18442 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Michael |
All right, call-- |
| 18443 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3078 |
Pam |
No, Michael. |
| 18444 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3079 |
Jim |
Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um -- well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here... |
| 18445 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Michael |
OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week. |
| 18446 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Angela |
It doesn't matter, Michael. |
| 18447 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Michael |
Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let's move that up. Here we go. |
| 18448 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Holly |
Oh, fancy meeting you here. |
| 18449 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 18450 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Darryl |
OK, everybody smile. Ho! You lost 31 pounds. |
| 18451 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3080 |
Michael |
All right! |
| 18452 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3081 |
Jim |
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It's because Holly is kind of a major dork. |
| 18453 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3082 |
Michael |
I'm MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She's DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat! |
| 18454 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3082 |
Holly |
Wikka wikka wikka what? |
| 18455 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3083 |
Ronnie |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Ronnie. |
| 18456 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3084 |
Jim |
I don't really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her. |
| 18457 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3085 |
Professor |
Sorry I'm late. I accidentally switched my alarm clock setting to Zapf Chancery. Which is my terrible segue into our course, Expressive Typography in New Media. |
| 18458 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3085 |
Pam |
I'm in the wrong class... |
| 18459 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3085 |
Professor |
Some of you may remember from last semester I am Professor Monaghan. And looks like I'm boring someone already. |
| 18460 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3085 |
Pam |
Oh, no. I just-- |
| 18461 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3085 |
Professor |
Please sit down. |
| 18462 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3086 |
Holly |
You're shaking. Are you all right? |
| 18463 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3086 |
Kelly |
Just leave me alone! |
| 18464 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3087 |
Kelly |
I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So ... gonna look amazing. |
| 18465 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Ronnie |
Hi, can I help you? |
| 18466 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Jan |
I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow. |
| 18467 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Kevin |
Hi Jan. |
| 18468 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Jan |
Hi. |
| 18469 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Kevin |
How's the candle game? |
| 18470 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Jan |
Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil? |
| 18471 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Kevin |
Cool. Thank God they found her, too. |
| 18472 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3088 |
Jan |
Oh, they found her? |
| 18473 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3089 |
Michael |
Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who's your daddy? You don't know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don't. Come on. Let's go in. |
| 18474 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3090 |
Jim |
When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father. |
| 18475 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Holly |
Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet? |
| 18476 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Jan |
That's his ex. |
| 18477 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Holly |
Oh, she's very beautiful. |
| 18478 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Oscar |
Yes, she is. And clinically insane. |
| 18479 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Holly |
So, listen, I don't know if your offer still stands or whatever, but you can give your yoga teacher my number. |
| 18480 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3091 |
Oscar |
OK. |
| 18481 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Angela |
Listen, dummy! It's not that hard. All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can't do it. |
| 18482 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Holly |
No! You do not talk to him like that! |
| 18483 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Angela |
But he's an idiot! |
| 18484 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Kevin |
Hey! |
| 18485 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Holly |
He is not an idiot! |
| 18486 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Kevin |
Thank you, Holly. |
| 18487 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Holly |
He is mentally challenged. But he's doing a super job here. |
| 18488 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Kevin |
Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded? |
| 18489 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Holly |
Well, no. Dwight... |
| 18490 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Angela |
Oh, Holly, that is very offensive. |
| 18491 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3092 |
Holly |
I'm sorry. |
| 18492 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3093 |
Andy |
Hey. So, since my little lady has such particular, impossible to perceive taste, I have made nonrefundable deposits at four totally different wedding locales: Hot-air balloons over Napa Valley, world-famous Walt Disney's Epcot Center, scuba-diving wedding in the Bahamas and the Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C. |
| 18493 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3093 |
Angela |
Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No. |
| 18494 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3094 |
Angela |
Hurry, we have to make this fast. |
| 18495 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3094 |
Dwight |
Let's do this thing. |
| 18496 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3094 |
Angela |
Hey! |
| 18497 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3095 |
Angela |
I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it's lights out by 8:30. That's how I sleep at night! |
| 18498 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Jim |
All right, I am connecting and ... you are not there. Did you install it right? How about this: Go to applications-- |
| 18499 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
I can see you! |
| 18500 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Jim |
All right! |
| 18501 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
This is so cool. |
| 18502 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Jim |
So what is going on, girl in the computer? |
| 18503 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
Lunch with a girl from my hall. |
| 18504 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Jim |
Uh-huh. |
| 18505 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
Ceramics class. Then dinner by myself. I'm gonna watch HGTV and maybe go to Bungalow 8 with John Mayer. |
| 18506 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Dwight |
OK, can you turn the girl off please? I'm trying to get some work done. |
| 18507 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Michael |
No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don't we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you! |
| 18508 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
Can you put me down I'm getting a little nauseous? |
| 18509 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Michael |
Pam, I'd like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day. |
| 18510 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
The nerve. |
| 18511 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Michael |
Oh, calm down, weirdo. It's just a joke. She's such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can't find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please? |
| 18512 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Pam |
They're on the supply shelf. |
| 18513 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3096 |
Michael |
Let's go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go. |
| 18514 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3097 |
Pam |
New York is so exciting. I love my classes. The city's awesome. Um, can you give me back to Jim now, please? |
| 18515 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3098 |
Michael |
OK, everybody, let's suck in our guts. |
| 18516 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3098 |
Darryl |
2,184 pounds, for a grand total -- oh! You all gained five pounds back. |
| 18517 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3098 |
Michael |
Damn it. Come on. |
| 18518 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3098 |
Oscar |
Oh! |
| 18519 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3098 |
Kevin |
Oh, my God! |
| 18520 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3099 |
Dwight |
Come on, Bernard. |
| 18521 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3099 |
Michael |
Here we go. Everybody on. |
| 18522 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3099 |
Dwight |
All right, we're set. |
| 18523 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3099 |
Darryl |
Still good. You guys lost a pound. You lost one pound. |
| 18524 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3099 |
Kelly |
I was on an IV for two days at the hospital. |
| 18525 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3100 |
Stanley |
I lost four pounds. I don't know what those other fools were doing, but I lost four pounds. |
| 18526 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3101 |
Phyllis |
Angela, you'll go to the supermarket and get the New York cheesecake. Make sure it's the generic one. It's Stanley's favorite. |
| 18527 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3102 |
Phyllis |
Yes, I've replaced Angela as head of the party planning committee. I guess I was just in the right place at the right time. |
| 18528 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Michael |
How's it going? |
| 18529 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Phyllis |
It's going well. |
| 18530 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Michael |
Good. |
| 18531 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Holly |
I have a crazy idea. What if we did, um, fruit instead of cake? |
| 18532 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Michael |
Cake? Who suggested cake? |
| 18533 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Phyllis |
We lost weight today. I think it's OK to reward ourselves once in a while. |
| 18534 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3103 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis. |
| 18535 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3104 |
Michael |
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having s*x. And then again for seven years. |
| 18536 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country? |
| 18537 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Dwight |
Shotgun weddings. |
| 18538 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Jim |
That's not what that is. |
| 18539 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Creed |
Fright. Being scared to death. |
| 18540 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
No. |
| 18541 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Holly |
Obesity-caused illnesses. |
| 18542 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Dwight |
Obesity-caused illnesses. |
| 18543 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose? |
| 18544 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Jim |
I would like to lose 65 pounds. |
| 18545 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
Yes, all right. Who else? Can I put you down for 10 pounds? |
| 18546 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Angela |
No. My doctor wants me to gain weight. |
| 18547 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this? |
| 18548 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Jim |
Cryogenics. Beer me five. |
| 18549 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3105 |
Michael |
This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing. |
| 18550 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Jim |
All right, I'm taking off. |
| 18551 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Michael |
Booty call. |
| 18552 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Jim |
Nope, just going to see Pam. |
| 18553 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Michael |
Here. |
| 18554 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Jim |
Maybe put up some shelves. |
| 18555 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Michael |
Wait a second. I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me. |
| 18556 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Jim |
OK, thank you for ... this. |
| 18557 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Michael |
You want more? |
| 18558 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3106 |
Jim |
No. |
| 18559 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Andy |
I don't know if there's any one place that has all these things. |
| 18560 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Angela |
It's not my problem. |
| 18561 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Andy |
Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call. |
| 18562 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Angela |
That is very important to me, so -- I have work to do. Just do it. |
| 18563 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Andy |
Sweetheart. Just so you know, I don't care where we get married. I'll marry you right here in this building. I'll marry you in the parking lot. I'll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snowstorm on top of a monsoon. All I care about is that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. |
| 18564 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Andy |
Hey-oh! |
| 18565 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3107 |
Angela |
I know I haven't made this easy on you. |
| 18566 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3108 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 18567 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3108 |
Pam |
Hi. Mmm. 'Cause-- |
| 18568 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3108 |
Jim |
Oh, that's so rude of me. Have you seen, um, Pam's new art? It's right there. Check it out. |
| 18569 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3109 |
Michael |
It's a pretty lame party. |
| 18570 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3109 |
Ronnie |
Does anyone want to dance? |
| 18571 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3110 |
Jim |
Some girl came into Pam's room crying about her roommate stealing her soy milk. So I'm in here waiting it out. |
| 18572 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3111 |
Phyllis |
Stanley, Michael's not here. You can eat a slice of your birthday cake. |
| 18573 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3111 |
Stanley |
I don't like cake anymore |
| 18574 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3111 |
Andy |
Why not, dawg? |
| 18575 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3111 |
Stanley |
Tastes changed. Now all I like is baklava. |
| 18576 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3112 |
Dwight |
Michael, we have a situation. |
| 18577 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Dwight |
They should not be in that room. |
| 18578 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Holly |
That's so lame they didn't invite us. |
| 18579 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them. |
| 18580 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 18581 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
Let's go mini-golfing. |
| 18582 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Holly |
Hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf. I, uh, actually have a date tonight. |
| 18583 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 18584 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Holly |
It'll probably be a total disaster, but... |
| 18585 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
Um, I think you'll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time. |
| 18586 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Dwight |
Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin. |
| 18587 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
You know what? We're pretty much done here today. Why don't you just take off early? |
| 18588 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Holly |
Really? |
| 18589 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 18590 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Holly |
Oh, that's sweet. Wish me luck. |
| 18591 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3113 |
Michael |
Good luck. |
| 18592 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3114 |
Michael |
Oh, Holly doesn't need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her. |
| 18593 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Dwight |
Party's over. You are so busted! |
| 18594 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Michael |
OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit? |
| 18595 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Phyllis |
You said fruit, Michael. |
| 18596 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Michael |
And what is that? |
| 18597 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Phyllis |
Cake. |
| 18598 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Michael |
You know, we're gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing. |
| 18599 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3115 |
Dwight |
Happy Birthday, Stanley! |
| 18600 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3116 |
Holly |
It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are, so corporate upped the prize to five days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off. |
| 18601 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3117 |
Kevin |
What? |
| 18602 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3117 |
Creed |
Oh nothing. |
| 18603 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3117 |
Kelly |
It's just some of us are taking this really seriously. |
| 18604 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3118 |
Kelly |
I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico. |
| 18605 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3119 |
Creed |
That wasn't a tapeworm. |
| 18606 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3120 |
Ryan |
How's my favorite branch doing? All right . |
| 18607 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3121 |
Michael |
Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him. |
| 18608 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Ryan |
And you got a goatee! |
| 18609 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Michael |
I did! |
| 18610 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Ryan |
Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine? |
| 18611 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Michael |
Yes. Gooooo-tee! |
| 18612 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Kevin |
Firrrrre-duh guy! |
| 18613 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Ryan |
Hey Kevin... That's really funny. |
| 18614 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 18615 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Ryan |
It's great to see you Kev. |
| 18616 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3122 |
Kevin |
You too. |
| 18617 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3123 |
Ryan |
I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list. |
| 18618 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Ryan |
Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community. |
| 18619 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Jim |
Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service? |
| 18620 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Ryan |
I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean. |
| 18621 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Jim |
But he did, right? |
| 18622 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Ryan |
All right. |
| 18623 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3124 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 18624 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3125 |
Darryl |
Well you lost zero pounds. No change. On the bright side you gained zero pounds. |
| 18625 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3125 |
Michael |
Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out. |
| 18626 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3125 |
Andy |
Damnit, I need these five days for my honeymoon! Who is slacking? |
| 18627 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3125 |
Holly |
Ok, let's just all try and work harder, ok? |
| 18628 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3125 |
Andy |
NO! I want names! |
| 18629 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3126 |
Andy |
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life. |
| 18630 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3127 |
Oscar |
So how was your date? |
| 18631 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3127 |
Holly |
Eight point five. I got a red wine stain on my favorite shirt. But he's cute, right? |
| 18632 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3127 |
Holly |
What's wrong? |
| 18633 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3127 |
Michael |
Mmm--- mmm... Um... |
| 18634 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3128 |
Michael |
Close the door. This is your fault. |
| 18635 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3128 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 18636 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3128 |
Michael |
Your stupid friend zone. |
| 18637 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3128 |
Jim |
Mmm. |
| 18638 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3128 |
Michael |
I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh--- You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man! |
| 18639 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3129 |
Dwight |
Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. And most of you are just as fat as the day we began. |
| 18640 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3129 |
Jim |
How much weight have you lost, Dwight? |
| 18641 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3129 |
Dwight |
I am hardly the problem, Jim. |
| 18642 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3129 |
Jim |
No, you're definitely the problem. |
| 18643 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3129 |
Dwight |
This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills. |
| 18644 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Ryan |
Kelly. |
| 18645 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Kelly |
Oh, hello Ryan. You look well. |
| 18646 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Ryan |
I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was goin' through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. Um, I want you to know I've changed. |
| 18647 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Kelly |
Cool. |
| 18648 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Ryan |
We should get a drink later. Catch up. Pick me up around eight? |
| 18649 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Kelly |
Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I'm dating Darryl, still, and we're like crazy in love so... |
| 18650 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Ryan |
That--- I, um... cool. Well maybe I'll see you around. |
| 18651 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Kelly |
It's a small office. |
| 18652 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3130 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 18653 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3131 |
Dwight |
Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I'm really sorry... about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line. |
| 18654 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3131 |
Phyllis |
Yes you were. |
| 18655 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3131 |
Dwight |
But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it's a two man job. Interested? |
| 18656 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3131 |
Phyllis |
Split the commission? |
| 18657 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3131 |
Dwight |
Sixty - forty. Hm? I'll drive. |
| 18658 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3132 |
Holly |
Dieting's only half of it. |
| 18659 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3132 |
Michael |
Mmm-hmm. Saunas. |
| 18660 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3132 |
Holly |
And exercise. Although I know everybody loves going to the gym. |
| 18661 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3132 |
Michael |
Gah, the dreadmill. |
| 18662 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3133 |
Jim |
Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone would be lunch... actually. But um, it will force me to become acquaintances with people I consider... coworkers. |
| 18663 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Friend |
Oh, my God. Ok. Everybody just act normal. Don't say anything. |
| 18664 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Pam |
What? |
| 18665 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Friend |
My ex-girlfriend. She's right behind you. Just... hide me. |
| 18666 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Pam |
Really, where? |
| 18667 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Friend |
No no! Don't look! |
| 18668 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Pam |
Wow, was it the age difference? |
| 18669 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Friend |
Uh, actually, kind of. Yes. I just didn't like eating dinner that early. |
| 18670 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3134 |
Pam |
Hey! Jim! Um, listen, can I call you back in a little bit? I made friends! |
| 18671 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Phyllis |
Are you insane?! |
| 18672 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey! |
| 18673 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Oscar |
Oh my God, what happened? |
| 18674 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Phyllis |
There was no client. Dwight drove me to an abandoned warehouse five miles away and pushed me out of the car. I had to walk home with no money and no phone. |
| 18675 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Dwight |
And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen! |
| 18676 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Phyllis |
You left me in a bad part of town! |
| 18677 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? You look great. I can definitely see the difference. |
| 18678 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3135 |
Phyllis |
Phyllis Vance for David Wallace. |
| 18679 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3136 |
Holly |
"...or that Dunder Mifflin does not discriminate. Nor does it condone unhealthy dieting habits or extreme weight loss strategies. As was clearly stated in the official starting---" |
| 18680 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3136 |
Michael |
Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody! |
| 18681 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3136 |
Holly |
What are you doing? |
| 18682 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3136 |
Jim |
Fair question. |
| 18683 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3136 |
Michael |
I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I'll take it from here. I am beautiful. They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful. |
| 18684 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3137 |
Michael |
It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented. |
| 18685 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society. |
| 18686 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Jim |
See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but... maybe there's something wrong with you. |
| 18687 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?" |
| 18688 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Kevin |
Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump. |
| 18689 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
How do you know Michael Clump? |
| 18690 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Oscar |
Because it's your making-fun-of-fat-people character. |
| 18691 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people. |
| 18692 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Oscar |
I think of him as more like... a monster? What about, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!" |
| 18693 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, it goes, it goes... look, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!" |
| 18694 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside... and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man. |
| 18695 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Dwight |
Vamping. |
| 18696 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
Hey! Why don't you just sit down, please? |
| 18697 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Dwight |
Eh, I've been sitting all day. |
| 18698 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
We're doing this because of you. So why don't you just go stand somewhere else. Hey. Hey. You shaved? |
| 18699 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Ryan |
I did. |
| 18700 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3138 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 18701 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3139 |
Professor |
So, in the year 2000, fungus and even black mold was discovered growing in the cave. Some blame it on the new air conditioning system they installed. Some, on the high powered lights. Others feel that fungus is do to an over--- |
| 18702 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3139 |
Pam |
Nice. |
| 18703 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3139 |
Professor |
Quiet please. |
| 18704 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3139 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 18705 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3139 |
Friend |
Sorry. |
| 18706 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march. |
| 18707 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Dwight |
She should thank me. |
| 18708 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first. |
| 18709 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Phyllis |
Why should I have to thank him? |
| 18710 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
You're right, you're right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok. |
| 18711 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Dwight |
I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise. |
| 18712 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don't you have a seat? Let's all clap at Phyllis. Ok! When Michael Clump wants to remind you that corporate... their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. Ok, I want you to look at her. She's a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful? |
| 18713 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Ryan |
Everything. She's perfect. |
| 18714 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Meredith |
I like her nails. |
| 18715 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
Ok, be more specific. |
| 18716 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Meredith |
I like her fingernails. |
| 18717 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Phyllis |
I like her purple dress. |
| 18718 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Michael |
What about her looks? |
| 18719 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Creed |
Hell of an ass. |
| 18720 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3140 |
Kelly |
...what else do people like? |
| 18721 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3141 |
Phyllis |
I wonder what people like about me? ... Probably my jugs. |
| 18722 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3142 |
Michael |
Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself? |
| 18723 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3142 |
Kelly |
I hate dieting, I hate it so much. I hate this worm inside of me! |
| 18724 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3142 |
Michael |
I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. Mmmmmm. |
| 18725 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3143 |
Jim |
Summers going great. Just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that I'm convinced is an ulcer. My girlfriend lives in New York and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer? |
| 18726 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Michael |
Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers. |
| 18727 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Ryan |
Oh... |
| 18728 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Michael |
Ahaha, Yep! |
| 18729 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Oscar |
How was Friday night? |
| 18730 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Holly |
Oh, I had a good time, but it's been three days and no call. I even have two tickets to see Counting Crows for tonight, so... |
| 18731 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Oscar |
He'll call. |
| 18732 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Michael |
Oscar, enough with the girl talk please. |
| 18733 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Darryl |
You guys lost four pounds. |
| 18734 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 18735 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Darryl |
I say we have a parade. |
| 18736 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Dwight |
We better. |
| 18737 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3144 |
Michael |
Excellent! Good job. |
| 18738 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
So as it turns out, tonight is my nephews T-ball game and I kinda missed the first three, so... |
| 18739 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Pam |
You've already disappointed him so much. He can't be expecting a lot from you. |
| 18740 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
I know. I suck. |
| 18741 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Dwight |
Yes, you do. |
| 18742 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Dwight says "Hi." |
| 18743 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Dwight |
I do not! I do not say "Hi" Pam! |
| 18744 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Now he is saying "Hi" louder. |
| 18745 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Pam |
I... listen, umm, we're still good for this weekend, right? |
| 18746 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Umm... |
| 18747 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Pam |
No football games, recitals, karate tournaments. |
| 18748 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Hey, can you go to IM? |
| 18749 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 18750 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 18751 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Let's meet for lunch. |
| 18752 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Dwight |
What are you writing about me? |
| 18753 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Pam |
What -- today? |
| 18754 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
Yeah. C'mon we'll meet halfway. You'll be back for your 4 o'clock class. |
| 18755 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna write you both up for not working. |
| 18756 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
I'm gonna write you up for not working. |
| 18757 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Dwight |
Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working. |
| 18758 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Receptionitis15 |
Where? |
| 18759 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Jim |
The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o'clock. |
| 18760 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3145 |
Receptionitis15 |
Alright. See you there. : ) P.S. I finally finished my summer project. |
| 18761 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call? |
| 18762 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
I just got off... Kendall? I just got off... |
| 18763 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call? |
| 18764 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
Oh, no. |
| 18765 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 18766 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
No. |
| 18767 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
Aach. |
| 18768 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call? |
| 18769 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco. |
| 18770 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
Thanks. That's sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds. |
| 18771 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
Ugh. |
| 18772 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Holly |
Well, at least everyone lost weight. That's all that really matters. |
| 18773 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3146 |
Michael |
Wait, do we have until the end of the day? |
| 18774 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3147 |
Holly |
So we're only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it's a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all. |
| 18775 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3147 |
Andy |
Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. It's gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge. |
| 18776 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3148 |
Andy |
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair. |
| 18777 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Michael |
Hey, is that healthy food? |
| 18778 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Kelly |
Nope. |
| 18779 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Michael |
We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please? |
| 18780 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Jim |
Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late. |
| 18781 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Michael |
Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok? |
| 18782 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3149 |
Jim |
Perfect. |
| 18783 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff. |
| 18784 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Your wish is my command. |
| 18785 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy? |
| 18786 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Of course! |
| 18787 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
Really? |
| 18788 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Yeah! I mean it's a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know? |
| 18789 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
Mmhmm. |
| 18790 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
And you know what? The guys already know it so it's easy breezy. |
| 18791 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
The guys? |
| 18792 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
I didn't tell you. |
| 18793 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
Mm-mm |
| 18794 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Here Comes Treble, class of '96 was available for our big day, so, I booked 'em. |
| 18795 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
I don't think that... |
| 18796 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so... it totally works out. |
| 18797 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
I don't know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band. |
| 18798 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You're gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that's me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for. |
| 18799 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Angela |
Let's talk about this later. |
| 18800 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3150 |
Andy |
Mm-wah! |
| 18801 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Pam |
Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch. |
| 18802 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Pam |
What are you doing? |
| 18803 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Jim |
I just... couldn't wait. |
| 18804 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Pam |
Oh my God! |
| 18805 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Jim |
Pam, will you marry me? |
| 18806 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Pam |
Oh my God! |
| 18807 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Jim |
So? |
| 18808 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3151 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 18809 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Dwight |
God. Where is Jim? |
| 18810 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
I'm calling it. I guess that's curtains for the yoga guy. |
| 18811 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Aww, really? |
| 18812 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 18813 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing... |
| 18814 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah? |
| 18815 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
...was that he was a complete stupid idiot. |
| 18816 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Aww man, I really wanted to see them. |
| 18817 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
I know. I love Counting Crows. |
| 18818 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Look at where my seats were. |
| 18819 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Wow, really? |
| 18820 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 18821 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
That's a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you. |
| 18822 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Michael, you don't have to buy them. |
| 18823 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do. |
| 18824 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Ok. |
| 18825 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Ok? |
| 18826 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 18827 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Alright. Alright! Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so... |
| 18828 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 18829 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Is that good? |
| 18830 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 18831 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Jim |
Hey, sorry everybody. |
| 18832 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Dwight |
What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late. |
| 18833 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Andy |
Wet Tuna! |
| 18834 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Jim |
Hey Dwight. |
| 18835 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 18836 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Jim |
What's up, Meredith? |
| 18837 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Meredith |
Nothing. |
| 18838 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Dwight |
Dripping on me. |
| 18839 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Darryl, would you do the honors? |
| 18840 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Darryl |
Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. Sorry guys. |
| 18841 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3152 |
Michael |
Nonono, no, no, I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers. |
| 18842 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3153 |
Stanley |
I don't know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I'm just gonna take five days off anyway. |
| 18843 |
5 |
1 |
Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) |
3154 |
Toby |
Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors. |
| 18844 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Well, I should go. |
| 18845 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Alright. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi. |
| 18846 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
No, don't. I'm mad at them. |
| 18847 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Why, what happened? |
| 18848 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement. |
| 18849 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Ah. That... they might be off the hook for because I... didn't tell them. |
| 18850 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
What? Why not? |
| 18851 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
I just didn't, you know, want a deal. |
| 18852 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Come on, it won't be that bad. |
| 18853 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
OK. You know what? Here we go. Uh, everybody? I just want to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged. |
| 18854 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Hi everyone! |
| 18855 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Oscar |
I thought you were already engaged. |
| 18856 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 18857 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Angela |
That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy. |
| 18858 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Thank you Angela. |
| 18859 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Kevin |
I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one? |
| 18860 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 18861 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Andy |
A little close to my engagement there Tuna, what's your game here? |
| 18862 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
To get married. |
| 18863 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Dwight |
She's not a virgin, you know. |
| 18864 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 18865 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Michael |
What's going on? |
| 18866 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
No, nothing. Nothing Michael! Just saying hi. |
| 18867 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Creed |
The tall guy got engaged. |
| 18868 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Michael |
To be married? |
| 18869 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 18870 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3155 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 18871 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3156 |
Holly |
Pencils down! Just kidding, take your time. |
| 18872 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3157 |
Holly |
Today is ethics day. After they finish their quiz I'm going to run my first ethics meeting here. It's gonna be insaaaaane. No, it's not. I have to read from the binder. |
| 18873 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3158 |
Dwight |
I got it, I got it. |
| 18874 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3158 |
Michael, Holly |
Let's get ethical! Ethical! I wanna get ethical! Let's get into Ethics yeah! Let me hear that Dunder Mifflin talk! Your body talk. Let me hear your body talk. |
| 18875 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3158 |
Michael |
WOO! Alright! |
| 18876 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3159 |
Michael |
"Why are you helping her? You're not even dating." She's my friend... and... ultimately my strategy is to merge this into a relationship... without her even knowing. Uh... |
| 18877 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Ok, let's give it for Miss... Holly Flaaaax! |
| 18878 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Thanks Michael. Today we're going to have a business ethics seminar because recently, without mentioning any names, there has been some misconduct at corporate and we have a very strict ethics policy and that employee has been fired. |
| 18879 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Kevin |
Oh come on! He's right there. He was hired. Oh check it out, "Hired Guy." |
| 18880 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 18881 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Ryan |
Ok, elephant in the room. Let's talk about it. Do I regret what I did? Of course I do. Even though it was an amazing ride, and I'll give you an example. Anyone see Survivor season six? Anyone know Joanna on that show? In New York City, I hooked up with a girl who looked exactly like that. Indistinguishable. So... |
| 18882 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Ok. Well done. Good speech Ryan, you're a good guy. |
| 18883 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Let's start discussing those questionnaires that you filled in this morning. It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours. Now, some of you marked that you very strongly agree. But ideally you would have selected totally agree. |
| 18884 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Phyllis |
I thought very strongly agree sounded stronger than totally agree. |
| 18885 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Corporate would like to emphasize that ideally you would all totally agree with that statement. |
| 18886 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Well, I think we can all totally agree that Holly is totally fantastic. |
| 18887 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Thank you. In fact, spending a half hour at the water cooler during work hours is a form of stealing. |
| 18888 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 18889 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Yes, it's called time theft, and it's the same as taking money from the company. Can anyone think of examples of things that are over the line time wasters? |
| 18890 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Stanley |
This meeting. |
| 18891 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Andy |
Hey-oh! |
| 18892 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 18893 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Can't set 'em up like that. |
| 18894 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Kelly |
Why is ok for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I want to go outside and hang out once an hour, then I'll just take up smoking. I'll do it. I don't care. |
| 18895 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Meredith |
I'll smoke with you. I got a bag of cigars in my purse. |
| 18896 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that there seems to be some confusion about. |
| 18897 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Can we have a moment? Can I talk to you for a sec? Lot of good stuff. And you look... you look fantastic. |
| 18898 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dight |
Michael. |
| 18899 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 18900 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dwight |
What should we be working on while you guys are talking? |
| 18901 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Do some... do some work. People expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists. Surprise endings. You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan. |
| 18902 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Well, I just have to get through the binder. |
| 18903 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Do you... just... you're kind of losing them. |
| 18904 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
I am? |
| 18905 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Yeah, don't think about the stakes. It'll freak you out. |
| 18906 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Ok. Michael makes a really good point so, uh, let's just open this up a little bit. Say my name is Lauren and here I am shopping in a supermarket and I steal a pencil. That's not right. |
| 18907 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Lauren, enough with the pencils. |
| 18908 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
No, I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing. |
| 18909 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Oscar |
That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules. |
| 18910 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Andy |
I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? ... Boom! |
| 18911 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Oscar |
Exactly, Andy. |
| 18912 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dwight |
It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male. |
| 18913 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Andy |
No that's... not how it works. |
| 18914 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
I would not... steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry. |
| 18915 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Ok, but we should get back to business. Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the workplace. |
| 18916 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Anybody? This is a chance for you to say something without any repercussions. Stanley? Oscar, come on. |
| 18917 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Oscar |
Pass. |
| 18918 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
I will go first. When I discovered YouTube I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed Cookie Monster sings Chocolate Rain about a thousand times. |
| 18919 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
What was the dilemma? |
| 18920 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
To tell you or not. And I'm glad I did. I feel very very good. Cathartic. I promise you that you are not going to get into trouble. You can say anything you want with total and complete immunity. |
| 18921 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Oh--- no no no. |
| 18922 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Yeah, . Come on, anybody. Let it fly. |
| 18923 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Oscar |
Ok, once in a while I'll take a long lunch. |
| 18924 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
A siesta! |
| 18925 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dwight |
Time thief. Time thief! Fire him! |
| 18926 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Jim |
Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time? |
| 18927 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Dwight |
Never! |
| 18928 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
You are a thief of joy. Anybody else. Yeah? |
| 18929 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Kelly |
Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer. |
| 18930 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Who hasn't? Good. Good! What else? |
| 18931 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
No--- I, I'd like to hear more about that. |
| 18932 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Mmm... |
| 18933 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Angela |
I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it. |
| 18934 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Well, let's keep this party movin' on. |
| 18935 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Meredith |
I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Meyers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill? |
| 18936 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Bruuuuuuuuuce. |
| 18937 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Meredith |
Well for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates. |
| 18938 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Jim |
Jackpot. |
| 18939 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Ach! Wuh--- |
| 18940 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Meredith, that is serious. I mean not only that a conflict of interests, there's also an exchange of goods. |
| 18941 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Meredith |
Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey? |
| 18942 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
That's crazy. That's crazy talk! Meredith! The Merenator, sleepin' with suppliers! Hoo-ooh! Wow! What time we got? You know what? That's a good place to end it. Right there. This, I think, was a great ethics seminar. She has given us a lot of wonderful things to think about. Right... what is wrong. Who's to say? Really. In the end. I mean because it is... unknowable. But, let's give her a round of applause. Holly, everybody. Holly! Get back to work. Great job. I am truly impressed. That, uh, you really pulled that one out. Classic. Classic meeting. We should celebrate. |
| 18943 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
Michael, there is some serious issues with Meredith. |
| 18944 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 18945 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Holly |
I mean all of you have done things I wouldn't have done myself but Meredith's actions are really over the line. |
| 18946 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3160 |
Michael |
Nnyeah. What ya gonna do? |
| 18947 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Holly |
So, regarding this supplier, approximately how many liaisons have there been? |
| 18948 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Meredith |
Liaisons, you mean meet-ups? I don't know, once a month for six years. Something like that. |
| 18949 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Michael |
Meredith, why don't you tell Holly... it's not what she thinks. Nothing unethical happened... and that you just like to sleep around. |
| 18950 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Meredith |
Am I in trouble here or something? |
| 18951 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Michael |
No... no, this is just a stupid formality. |
| 18952 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Holly |
No, it's not a formality. Now, were these, um, meet-ups just personal? Unrelated to business? |
| 18953 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Meredith |
Nah, I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the discount paper. There's not a lot of fruit in those looms. |
| 18954 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Michael |
Ughh! For the love of God we're trying to help you... stupid bag. |
| 18955 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Holly |
What I don't understand is... why the steak coupons? I mean, if you were already getting the discounted paper? |
| 18956 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Meredith |
ell it's funny. Maybe it's a girl thing, but after we did it, and he would give me those coupons, I just felt good about myself. Hey what's going on here? I thought I had immunity? |
| 18957 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Holly |
Well unfortunately immunity or something being off the record does not really exist in the workplace. I mean I've never heard of anyone who's kept their job after something like this. |
| 18958 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3161 |
Meredith |
Well... I'm not quitting. |
| 18959 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Jim |
Yawn. Four seconds. |
| 18960 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 18961 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Jim |
Oh you had said that you don't do anything personal during work time so... I'm just making sure. |
| 18962 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Dwight |
Oh, so wait a minute, you're going to time me every time I yawn? That's absurd. Really? Oh hey look, monkey knows how to use a stopwatch everybody! He's ti--- |
| 18963 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Jim |
Personal conversation. Seventeen seconds. |
| 18964 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Dwight |
There is no way that that was--- |
| 18965 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Jim |
One second. |
| 18966 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Michael |
Well, well. Holly... lujah! It's a miracle, you're at your desk. |
| 18967 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Holly |
It's Mike-raculous. |
| 18968 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Michael |
Hoo-ooh! Reaching! You'll get there. Anyway, I was giving it some thought, and there's no reason that two attractive, good looking, intelligent, funny, attractive people can't, you know, just... sit down and work this whole Meredith thing out. |
| 18969 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Holly |
Sounds good. |
| 18970 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Michael |
Good. Would you care to bang it out over lunch? |
| 18971 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Holly |
Oh I already bought this... |
| 18972 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3162 |
Michael |
Oh no, no, no. Your food is no good here, my lady. Sorry! You know what? Let's go out! Dunder Mifflin's treat. Um, actually you're not a client... so... we'll just split it? Ethical. |
| 18973 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
So, I've gone over corporate policy. |
| 18974 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
What do you think? What do you think of this place? |
| 18975 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
Oh, it's very nice. |
| 18976 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Istn't it? Yeah, it's kind of... business/romantic. So you're from Des Moines? |
| 18977 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
Mmm. |
| 18978 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Wow, that sounds so... warm. |
| 18979 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
In Summer. |
| 18980 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Here too. You know what my favorite season is? |
| 18981 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
Maybe we should talk about Meredith first. |
| 18982 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Yeah, get the boring stuff out of the way. Autumn was what I was going to say. When the leaves change. It's just, I... I think it is the most contemplative of seasons. |
| 18983 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
Ok, so I have gone over this and I have thought about it and I just don't think there is any way I can write a report that doesn't end with her being terminated. |
| 18984 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Wow, terminator, terminator. |
| 18985 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Holly |
I'm from da future. |
| 18986 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3163 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 18987 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
Hey, Andy. |
| 18988 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Andy |
Yo. |
| 18989 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
By any chance, did you see Battlestar Galactica last night? |
| 18990 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Andy |
No, I did not. Was that any good? |
| 18991 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
Actually not. It was really so-so. |
| 18992 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Dwight |
Ok. |
| 18993 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
I mean I like all the crazy monsters and stuff. You know, like klingons and wookies and all that but... Sorry, was there something you wanted to add, Dwight? |
| 18994 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Andy |
Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica? |
| 18995 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
You know, it's weird. It's practically a shot for shot remake. |
| 18996 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Andy |
Really? Huh, that's cool. |
| 18997 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Jim |
Story's kinda bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor. |
| 18998 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3164 |
Andy |
Really? That doesn't sound right. |
| 18999 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Michael |
I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean, what sort of place is that to call home? And Meredith needs this job. This is her main source of money. |
| 19000 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Holly |
Well, that's very sweet but we have to follow the protocol. Those are the rules. |
| 19001 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Michael |
Ok, new idea. We don't report it at all. We just punish her. |
| 19002 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Holly |
We punish her? |
| 19003 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Michael |
Mmhmm, tell her she can't have s*x for six months. |
| 19004 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Holly |
I don't think we could enforce that. |
| 19005 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Michael |
I don't know. I saw this thing, like a belt with a key. |
| 19006 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Holly |
A chastity belt. |
| 19007 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3165 |
Michael |
No, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes like made of, sometimes they are made of metal. You know what I am talking about. You unlock a little door that... down... where you, where you put, where you put the... |
| 19008 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3166 |
Jim |
He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45 he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I have been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today. |
| 19009 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Michael |
I am just saying that I don't think that you understand what I am saying. |
| 19010 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Holly |
No, you are saying that we should sweep it under the carpet, accept the discount on supplies, not fire Meredith and pretend like the whole thing never happened. |
| 19011 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 19012 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Holly |
What am I saying? |
| 19013 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Michael |
Well... bleh busted. I don't... |
| 19014 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Holly |
I'm saying that her behavior is unethical and a little icky and I don't think I want to work in an environment where that sort of conduct is tolerated. |
| 19015 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Michael |
Well, you have to tolerate a lot when you are part of a family. |
| 19016 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3167 |
Holly |
It's not a family. It's a workplace. |
| 19017 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3168 |
Michael |
I will be honest with you. That car ride did not go well and that was not my fault. The only reason I am standing out here right now is because I don't want to take the elevator with her. And I am holding on to her leftovers. |
| 19018 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Jim |
19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds? |
| 19019 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Dwight |
None of your business. |
| 19020 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Jim |
So I guess I can assume that was personal. |
| 19021 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Dwight |
Fine. |
| 19022 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Jim |
So maybe you're not completely ethical after all. |
| 19023 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3169 |
Dwight |
Yes, maybe I'm not. |
| 19024 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3170 |
Holly |
It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me. And my best friend in the office won't even talk to me. Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know because in middle school I was the hall monitor and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker. I was just hoping middle school was over. |
| 19025 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Ryan |
Kendall from corporate HR is on line one and Holly is on her way in too. |
| 19026 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Michael |
What's the only thing worse than one HR rep? |
| 19027 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Ryan |
Two HR reps. |
| 19028 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Michael |
You get me. |
| 19029 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
Can I sit? |
| 19030 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Michael |
I don't know. Can you? Kendall, my main man. |
| 19031 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
Listen, Holly, Michael, I just got the report that your branch submitted and there's a lot of stuff about a relationship Meredith is having with.. |
| 19032 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
Yes, that came out during the ethics seminar. |
| 19033 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Michael |
Let the record show that it was during the immunity part of the seminar. |
| 19034 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
Well, I'm not sure these circumstances warrant any action. |
| 19035 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
Oh, I think it is pretty clear that it was unethical. |
| 19036 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
Well, from what I can gather it seems like a gray area. Look, to be honest the company is getting a discount at a tough time in our balance sheet and I don't know that the right thing to do for the company is to turn our noses up at that. |
| 19037 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
Umm, Kendall, I understand that the discount is good for the company but I'm just not happy about the way we are getting it. |
| 19038 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
I thought it was clear with you, Holly. Your task was to get signatures from the employees showing that they completed the training. |
| 19039 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
No, I understand. |
| 19040 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
Every other branch has managed to get this to us so if it's not something you can handle then that's a different discussion. |
| 19041 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Holly |
No. I can do it. |
| 19042 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3171 |
Kendall |
Good. |
| 19043 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3172 |
Michael |
How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, "I told you so." Gently with a rose? In a funny way, like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go, because saying it would just make things worse? ... Probably the funny way. |
| 19044 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Holly |
Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar. |
| 19045 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Andy |
No way, lady. |
| 19046 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Kevin |
It's a trap. |
| 19047 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Holly |
Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training. |
| 19048 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Meredith |
Don't sign anything. |
| 19049 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Michael |
Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you. |
| 19050 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Stanley |
It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things. |
| 19051 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Michael |
Get in there right now or I'm gonna lose it! |
| 19052 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Meredith |
Am I getting fired? |
| 19053 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3173 |
Michael |
Now is really not the time, Meredith. |
| 19054 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3174 |
Holly |
In this next section we examine the difference between sick days and personal days. Sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you form doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. Personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible. |
| 19055 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Phyllis |
Thank you, Meredith, this was delicious. |
| 19056 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Meredith |
Hey, where is the steak sauce? |
| 19057 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Kevin |
I think we're out. |
| 19058 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Meredith |
I got some in my minivan somewhere. |
| 19059 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Andy |
Wait a second, how does the steak factor in again? |
| 19060 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Kevin |
I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash. |
| 19061 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Phyllis |
I don't care what she's doing. I just hope she keeps doing it. |
| 19062 |
5 |
3 |
Business Ethics |
3175 |
Stanley |
Amen. Just keep the ribs coming. |
| 19063 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Dwight |
Hey Michael? |
| 19064 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 19065 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Dwight |
Contractions are coming every ten minutes. |
| 19066 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Michael |
OK, just remember to keep breathing. |
| 19067 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Dwight |
My cervix is ripening. |
| 19068 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3176 |
Michael |
OK, good. |
| 19069 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3177 |
Jim |
Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion. |
| 19070 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
Michael! My water's breaking! |
| 19071 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
Oh, OK! OK! |
| 19072 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
Aaaaaaaa! What do you do? What do you do? |
| 19073 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
I get a call from Jan and I meet her at the hospital. |
| 19074 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
Right. Highways or surface roads? |
| 19075 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
I take Quincy Ave to Gibson. |
| 19076 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
No, Gibson is covered in potholes. Your car breaks down. Adapt! |
| 19077 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
I checked the route - there are no potholes. Come on, get in here and have the baby. |
| 19078 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
It's about adapting to the circumstances. |
| 19079 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
Andy, would you like to have my baby? |
| 19080 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Andy |
Yes! Yeah. Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19081 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
No. OK, no. I'm crowning! I'm crowning! Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19082 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
All right, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go! |
| 19083 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
The pressure! The pressure! |
| 19084 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream it out. |
| 19085 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Dwight |
Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19086 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3178 |
Michael |
Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19087 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3179 |
Dwight |
Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision. |
| 19088 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Just keep pushing... |
| 19089 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Hold me! |
| 19090 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
I'm right here. |
| 19091 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Cradle my head! |
| 19092 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
I'm right here, I'm right here. |
| 19093 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
I'm screaming, I'm screaming, I'm screaming! Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19094 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe. |
| 19095 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Numb me up. I want anesthesia! |
| 19096 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Shhh. No, you can't have it. It's too late. |
| 19097 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
No! I don't want natural! |
| 19098 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
No. You have to just push it out! |
| 19099 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
OK! |
| 19100 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Keep simulating. |
| 19101 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19102 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
OK! |
| 19103 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Do you have the Sharpie?! |
| 19104 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Keep simulating. |
| 19105 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Do you have the Sharpie?! |
| 19106 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Yes, I do! |
| 19107 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
OK! When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy. |
| 19108 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 19109 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Ready?! |
| 19110 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 19111 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Aaaaaaaa! |
| 19112 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Aaaaaaaa! It's coming! Here we go! Oh! God! Wow! What was on that? |
| 19113 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Dwight |
Butter. Newborns are slippery. |
| 19114 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3180 |
Michael |
Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again. |
| 19115 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3181 |
Michael |
It is going to be the happiest day of my life. |
| 19116 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Michael |
Hello ladies, how's my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks? |
| 19117 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Phyllis |
No. |
| 19118 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Michael |
Damnit, Phyllis! I'm sorry. Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments? |
| 19119 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Angela |
Per your instructions, we have the personalized M&Ms with the baby names. This is your boy bowl, with the name "Chevy." And this is the girl bowl, with M&Ms with the name "Astird." |
| 19120 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Phyllis |
That can't be right. |
| 19121 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Angela |
Michael wrote down "Astird." |
| 19122 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Michael |
She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So... |
| 19123 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Meredith |
Ass...turd. |
| 19124 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3182 |
Michael |
I know. I know. It is beautiful. No. Thank you. Is this it? I mean, is this... Two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis, I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what, where's my golden shower, Phyllis? |
| 19125 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3183 |
Michael |
It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is... it's so bizarre and unnatural, but... it, it happens. |
| 19126 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3184 |
Phyllis |
Hey, I'm collecting for the baby shower. |
| 19127 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3184 |
Kevin |
But Phyllis, it's not his baby. |
| 19128 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3184 |
Phyllis |
I know, Kevin. |
| 19129 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3184 |
Oscar |
Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby? |
| 19130 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3184 |
Phyllis |
Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake. |
| 19131 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3185 |
Phyllis |
I do enjoy being the head of the Party Planning Committee. I'm no longer under Angela's heel, and her little grape head is under mine. |
| 19132 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3185 |
Michael |
Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don't talk to them. |
| 19133 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3185 |
Phyllis |
Sorry. |
| 19134 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3185 |
Michael |
Make the party. Don't - make the party, please, Phyllis. Pump it! |
| 19135 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
So you know Stacy, right? |
| 19136 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Right, the one from England. |
| 19137 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
There's no one from England, Jim. Katie studied in Ireland - this is Stacy, the one who does the Murakami-style collages. |
| 19138 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Oh. Right, that style. |
| 19139 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
So, Stacy and Eric get to Bogre's DeTech half an hour early so they don't have to sit on the slab. |
| 19140 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
OK... |
| 19141 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
Anyway, Bogre's TA Sarah Kaya comes in. |
| 19142 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Wait, who's Sarah Kayacombsen? |
| 19143 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
No, Sarah Kaya comes in. Don't interrupt, I have like thirty seconds to finish this and get to DigiPres. |
| 19144 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 19145 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
So Sarah Kaya says to Eric, "No way. You can't reserve seats." And Stacy gets all up in her face and Sarah Kaya picks up Stacy's new PM pad and throws it at the light box. |
| 19146 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
No... way! |
| 19147 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 19148 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Ha ha. That's hilarious? |
| 19149 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
No, it's horrible! Jim, she might get arrested. |
| 19150 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Who, Stacy? |
| 19151 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
No, Stacy is a boy. Ugh. Frustrating. Why can't you just be in art class with me? |
| 19152 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
Uh... |
| 19153 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Pam |
Oh, wait, I gotta go, class starting. |
| 19154 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Jim |
OK, I'll ta...I'll talk to you later. That was a good story. |
| 19155 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3186 |
Dwight |
Who's Sarah Kayacombsen? |
| 19156 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
Yo. I got the Nard-puppy for ya. What's going on here? |
| 19157 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Angela |
It's a baby game where you guess whose picture is whose. |
| 19158 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
Awww. Check it out - who would have thought that this little baby would be marrying that little baby? |
| 19159 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Angela |
That's Phyllis. |
| 19160 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
Well - |
| 19161 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Angela |
Yeah, it is. So I hope you two are very happy together. Pervert. |
| 19162 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
Why would that make me a pervert, I - |
| 19163 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Angela |
Well, it does. That's me. |
| 19164 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
That's not you. |
| 19165 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Angela |
Yes it is. |
| 19166 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3187 |
Andy |
That's mean, come on, that's - |
| 19167 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Michael |
Ahoy, matey. |
| 19168 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Holly |
Ahoy. |
| 19169 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Michael |
Ahoy. So, how you doin'? |
| 19170 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Holly |
Good. |
| 19171 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Michael |
Um, listen. Jan Levinson is coming in today, and she is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy - the child of which I have a vested interest. It's all kind of weird. Anyway, she is incredibly... fat and enormous right now - extremely unattractive. And you are, on the other hand, one of the more attractive people in the office. So, while she's here I am going to be acting kind of cold to you. And I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings. And I'm treating Ryan the same way. |
| 19172 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3188 |
Holly |
Of course. Yeah. |
| 19173 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3189 |
Stanley |
I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles, I'm constantly hungry - do you think my nipples don't get sore too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital? |
| 19174 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Jim |
Jan. |
| 19175 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Jan |
Hi, Jim! |
| 19176 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Jim |
What do we have here? |
| 19177 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Jan |
This is my baby. |
| 19178 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Jim |
Really... |
| 19179 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3190 |
Dwight |
Oh no... |
| 19180 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3191 |
Dwight |
Jan had the baby and Michael wasn't there to mark it. So the baby could be anybody's. Except Michael's. |
| 19181 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
So this is Astird. |
| 19182 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
Astrid. |
| 19183 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. Why didn't you call me? |
| 19184 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
Well, um, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and- |
| 19185 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
I could have helped. |
| 19186 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
And the birth instructor thought it wasn't a good idea for you to be there, so... |
| 19187 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
Oh, man. Him? That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways. |
| 19188 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
OK, you don't have any idea what I've been through, so, let's... |
| 19189 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
No, I don't! |
| 19190 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
I'm sorry, I thought today at the baby shower would be a good time for the two of you to meet. |
| 19191 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
Can I hold her? |
| 19192 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Jan |
Yes, yes you can. You know, I think, just leave her in the car seat. Yeah. |
| 19193 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3192 |
Michael |
All right, OK. |
| 19194 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3193 |
Michael |
I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me, and I think it's because they see me as one of them. But cooler, and with my life put together a little bit. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government, and things could get terrible. It actually, probably - it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion. |
| 19195 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Michael |
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst... |
| 19196 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Jan |
trid. |
| 19197 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Michael |
...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're going to know them for the rest of your life. |
| 19198 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Jan |
Well... |
| 19199 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Michael |
Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. Lion King! |
| 19200 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Jan |
Michael, Michael, Michael, that's... yeah... that's too high. I'll take that. |
| 19201 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Michael |
OK, come on, let's get our shower on. Conference room, choppity chip chop. |
| 19202 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Holly |
You OK? You seem kind of... |
| 19203 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3194 |
Michael |
I'm fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in. |
| 19204 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
Ready to play some games? Let's do it! |
| 19205 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Kevin |
Michael, the baby's already been born. |
| 19206 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
Uh, duh. |
| 19207 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Kevin |
So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them. |
| 19208 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
No, the baby doesn't ruin anything, Kevin, OK? The baby multiplies the fun. Let's just do what you were going to do. |
| 19209 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Kevin |
OK... Who wants to guess when the baby will be born? |
| 19210 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes. |
| 19211 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Jan |
Thank you. That's very sweet of you. |
| 19212 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
Whatta we got? |
| 19213 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Angela |
Um, we all chipped in and got you this stroller. |
| 19214 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
Oh! |
| 19215 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Jan |
Thank you. |
| 19216 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
She already has a stroller. |
| 19217 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Kelly |
And this is way worse than the stroller she came with. |
| 19218 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Oscar |
She's got an Orbit; that's a twelve hundred dollar stroller. |
| 19219 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Dwight |
Huh. Twelve hundred dollars for a stroller? Phhhbt. |
| 19220 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3195 |
Michael |
OK, what else? |
| 19221 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3196 |
Dwight |
Twelve hundred dollars is what I spent on my whole bomb shelter. For that kind of money, this stroller should be indestructible. |
| 19222 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3197 |
Jan |
Being good isn't always easy / No matter how hard I try / When he started sweet-talking to me / He'd come and tell me everything is all right / He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right / Can I get away again tonight / The only one... |
| 19223 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Pam |
Hey you! |
| 19224 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Jim |
Hey! You busy? |
| 19225 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Pam |
Not even. I'm doing laundry for the first time in like a month. |
| 19226 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Jim |
OK, OK, so you gotta hear this. So, Jan's shower is going on right now, and she's singing "Son of a Preacher Man" and everyone's just staring at her. |
| 19227 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Pam |
I can't hear anything, there's like, there's like machines going- |
| 19228 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Jim |
The song is about losing your virginity next to a church, and guess what - she's been singing for the last twenty minutes! |
| 19229 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Pam |
I can't hear anything! |
| 19230 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Jim |
Oh. OK, well you know what, I um, just call me later. |
| 19231 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3198 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 19232 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3199 |
Pam |
I'm not frustrated. Even if I were in Scranton, Jim and I would have days like this. We're just... a little out of sync. You know, that's all. Oh, great. I washed my lipstick. |
| 19233 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3200 |
Jan |
How well I remember / The look that was in his eyes / Stealing kisses from me on the sly / Taking time to make time / Telling me that he's all mine / Learning from each other's knowing / Looking to see how much we've grown / And the only one... |
| 19234 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3201 |
Dwight |
Don't hit the fence. Oh no, my child! |
| 19235 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3202 |
Dwight |
Don't get stuck on the barbed wire! |
| 19236 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3203 |
Dwight |
Playtime is over! |
| 19237 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Andy |
So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth. |
| 19238 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Jan |
Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing. |
| 19239 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Angela |
You gave birth in a tub? |
| 19240 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Jan |
Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb. |
| 19241 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Kelly |
Um, so you're in the tub with everything? |
| 19242 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Jan |
Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah. |
| 19243 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Creed |
Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach. |
| 19244 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Jan |
Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed. |
| 19245 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Creed |
Ugh. |
| 19246 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Stanley |
I'm done. |
| 19247 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Oscar |
Me too. |
| 19248 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Jan |
And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth. |
| 19249 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3204 |
Michael |
Hey! Hey, no no no no no no no no. No. No. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this. |
| 19250 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Michael |
I could have helped. |
| 19251 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Jan |
You're sad about this. I know that, and I wish that I... but... would it help if you held Astrid for just a, a little bit? |
| 19252 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Michael |
Uh, yeah. |
| 19253 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Jan |
All right. Um, I'm just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I'm exhausted, so um. Remind me to talk to you about Astrid's 529. Wake me in twenty. |
| 19254 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Michael |
I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid I just felt... shortchanged. |
| 19255 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3205 |
Michael |
Phyllis? Could you take-. |
| 19256 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Hey guys. |
| 19257 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
What's up, Mike? |
| 19258 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Uh, I need some advice from one baby daddy to another. |
| 19259 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
You a baby daddy? |
| 19260 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Yeah, I a baby daddy. Um, when you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby? |
| 19261 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
Hell yeah. You know why? Because that was my baby. |
| 19262 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
I just saw this baby daddy- |
| 19263 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
You should stop calling yourself "baby daddy." |
| 19264 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Why, Darryl, because I'm quote white quote unquote? |
| 19265 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
Because you're not a daddy, and it's not your baby. |
| 19266 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Well- |
| 19267 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
You feel connected to his baby over there? |
| 19268 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
It's- that's different. |
| 19269 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
You feel connected to this? |
| 19270 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
That's not a baby. |
| 19271 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
You want to hold me, to see how you feel? |
| 19272 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Michael |
Could I? |
| 19273 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3206 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 19274 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Jan |
Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep. |
| 19275 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Holly |
I can imagine. |
| 19276 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Jan |
Where's Astrid? |
| 19277 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Holly |
Oh, I think she's on a sales call. |
| 19278 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Jan |
On a what? |
| 19279 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Holly |
Waaa! More paper! Waaa! No, she's just on a coffee break. |
| 19280 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Jan |
That's funny. |
| 19281 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3207 |
Holly |
She's with Angela. |
| 19282 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Angela |
That's good. Now, I need you to - I need it to look up here. Get the baby to look up here, ready? |
| 19283 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Andy |
OK. Yeah. Look at my finger. Look. Looook! |
| 19284 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Angela |
Now. Come on, up here! |
| 19285 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Andy |
Look up here! |
| 19286 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Angela |
Your hand's in it. |
| 19287 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Andy |
What? Sorry. |
| 19288 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Angela |
Yeah, that's a good one. |
| 19289 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Jan |
What are you doing? What's going on? Excuse me. |
| 19290 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Andy |
We're taking a picture. |
| 19291 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Jan |
There you are. |
| 19292 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Andy |
She's nature's bounty. |
| 19293 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3208 |
Jan |
You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that? |
| 19294 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3209 |
Jan |
Michael, I need your help. |
| 19295 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3209 |
Michael |
I was just going to... I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt. |
| 19296 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3209 |
Jan |
Uh... come on. |
| 19297 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3210 |
Dwight |
I like to call this... the bumper test. |
| 19298 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Michael |
Sure you can't stay a little longer? |
| 19299 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Jan |
Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go. |
| 19300 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Michael |
All right. All right, everybody, we're leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving. |
| 19301 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Jan |
You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with? |
| 19302 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Dwight |
Oh. I took the liberty of putting it in your trunk. |
| 19303 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3211 |
Jan |
Ah. Thanks, Dwight. |
| 19304 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Jan |
OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me. |
| 19305 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Michael |
OK? |
| 19306 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Jan |
Don't date Holly. |
| 19307 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Michael |
Wha - that's, I hate her. Wha - God! Why would you even ask me to - I, I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha - OK, all right, fine. |
| 19308 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Jan |
Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I'll see you... soon. |
| 19309 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 19310 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3212 |
Jan |
OK. |
| 19311 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3213 |
Holly |
You still gonna be mean to me? |
| 19312 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3213 |
Michael |
You wanna go out? |
| 19313 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3213 |
Holly |
Yes. |
| 19314 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3214 |
Michael |
I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly. |
| 19315 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Hey, it's Jim. Leave a message. |
| 19316 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 19317 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
Hi, this is Pam. Leave a message. |
| 19318 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Hey, it's me. It is 5:03. |
| 19319 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
I figured I'd catch you walking to your car, but... |
| 19320 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
You must be out or something. |
| 19321 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
I'll leave a message. |
| 19322 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Is it me, or are we just a little off today? |
| 19323 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
I guess this is just one of those days. It'll get better. |
| 19324 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Hope you didn't have any major laundry issues. |
| 19325 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
I finished my laundry. Got all my socks. Nothing like that time that crazy guy pushed you. |
| 19326 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you? |
| 19327 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
And then, remember, we went shopping the next day to buy me a washer and dryer? |
| 19328 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I'm just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe. |
| 19329 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
You're probably upset that I'm even at a Laundromat right now. But, don't worry, I'm being safe. And I'm headed home. I'm... headed to my dorm. Not home. |
| 19330 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
Wish you were home. Uh, anyway... |
| 19331 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Pam |
Anyway, um... I miss you. |
| 19332 |
5 |
4 |
Baby Shower |
3215 |
Jim |
I miss you. |
| 19333 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3216 |
Receptionist |
Pam, line three. |
| 19334 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3216 |
Pam |
Okay, thanks. |
| 19335 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3217 |
Pam |
New York, as it turns out, is very expensive, and I ran out of money. I thought about selling a kidney, but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate. |
| 19336 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3218 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 19337 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3218 |
Michael |
Paaam-o-laaaaaa... |
| 19338 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3219 |
Pam |
Of course, now Michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week. |
| 19339 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3220 |
Pam |
Hey Michael. |
| 19340 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3220 |
Michael |
Paaam-o-laaaaaa... Miss ya kiddo. Miss you... so much. |
| 19341 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 19342 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Hello. |
| 19343 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
That was really fun last night. |
| 19344 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Yeah, it was nice. |
| 19345 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs. |
| 19346 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Oh, that would be great. You need that. |
| 19347 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 19348 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 19349 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Oh really? |
| 19350 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 19351 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 19352 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
It would help. |
| 19353 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
I, uh... I let her win. |
| 19354 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
No, he didn't. |
| 19355 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
So, when, um, can I see you again? |
| 19356 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Um, tonight, I'm free tonight. Is that too eager? |
| 19357 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
No. |
| 19358 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
I don't care, free tonight. |
| 19359 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Okay. Oh, wait, oh, tonight's no good. Because I am busy taking you out. |
| 19360 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Oh, I just remembered, I can't tonight. |
| 19361 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 19362 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
I'm going out with you. |
| 19363 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Wow... Oh, wait a second, I can't tonight... |
| 19364 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
No more. |
| 19365 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Tonight's so... |
| 19366 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
No more. |
| 19367 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
Too many times. It's all good, um, alright, so, good, so, have a nice day. |
| 19368 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Holly |
Thank you, you too. |
| 19369 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3221 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 19370 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3222 |
Michael |
In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have s*x. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having s*x with me I'll know for sure. |
| 19371 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3223 |
Andy |
That's for you. And, um, oh. I am right in assuming that Dwight is short for D-Money. 'Cause that's what I wrote on your save-the-date. |
| 19372 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3223 |
Dwight |
You set a date? |
| 19373 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3223 |
Andy |
J-Money. Or should it be T-Money, for Tuna? Receptionist Money. K-Money. |
| 19374 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Phyllis |
What are you making? |
| 19375 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Dwight |
A knife. |
| 19376 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Phyllis |
You're making a knife with a knife? |
| 19377 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Dwight |
You got a better way? |
| 19378 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Phyllis |
You want to talk about it? |
| 19379 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Dwight |
About what? |
| 19380 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Phyllis |
You know I know. You know they know. |
| 19381 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3224 |
Dwight |
I know none of that. If I did, you'd be the last to know. |
| 19382 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Holly |
Oh, the mall could be fun. |
| 19383 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 19384 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Holly |
We could go to the food court and get different foods. You could get Chicken Teriyaki. I could get a hot dog. |
| 19385 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Michael |
Some of what we order depends on whether we're having s*x after. Oh, my. Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're going to have s*x tonight? |
| 19386 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Holly |
...Hell yeah. |
| 19387 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Michael |
Okay, so, we do the restaurant thing and then... then... then we can do... We'll just do the restaurant thing first. |
| 19388 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3225 |
Holly |
Yeah, that's good. |
| 19389 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3226 |
Michael |
Probably get soup or something light. |
| 19390 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
Hi. |
| 19391 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Dwight |
She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine. |
| 19392 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
It's nice to learn new things. |
| 19393 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Dwight |
I was talking to myself. |
| 19394 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
Okay. |
| 19395 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Dwight |
I just don't get it. |
| 19396 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
What don't you get? |
| 19397 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Dwight |
Why is she marrying Andy? |
| 19398 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
Angela's not really a risk taker. And Andy's not really a risk. |
| 19399 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Dwight |
That's really fattening. |
| 19400 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3227 |
Phyllis |
No, it's lettuce. |
| 19401 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3228 |
Holly |
It's time to go. |
| 19402 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3228 |
Michael |
No. No. Reservations are at 8:00, so we've got like an hour and 45 minutes. I'm a crazy eight, I'm crazy. |
| 19403 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3228 |
Holly |
You're crazy, go crazy. |
| 19404 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Holly |
Oh, I forgot my keys. |
| 19405 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Michael |
Do you need 'em? |
| 19406 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Holly |
Yeah, lets go grab them. |
| 19407 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 19408 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Holly |
Oh, after vous. |
| 19409 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Michael |
Thank vous. What? Oh! |
| 19410 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Holly |
I didn't forget my keys, I just didn't want to make out with you in front of the cameras. Do you think they can hear us? |
| 19411 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Michael |
Not if we turn these dials all the way down. Now they can't hear us at all. |
| 19412 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Holly |
Oh, good. |
| 19413 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3229 |
Michael |
We're totally alone. |
| 19414 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3230 |
Angela |
Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000. |
| 19415 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3230 |
Oscar |
Great, they stole my laptop. |
| 19416 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3230 |
Kevin |
Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector. |
| 19417 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3230 |
Oscar |
How does that even compare? |
| 19418 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3230 |
Kevin |
Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges. |
| 19419 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Michael |
Oh, my God, what happened? |
| 19420 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Jim |
We were robbed last night. |
| 19421 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Dwight |
Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-man job. Okay, security tapes were stolen, Motives-financial, or possible, vintage HP computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out. And that's all we have. |
| 19422 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Holly |
Can I talk to you for a second? |
| 19423 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Michael |
Yeah. Oh... oh! |
| 19424 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Holly |
That wasn't us, right? I mean... you remembered to lock the doors? |
| 19425 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Michael |
No, did you? |
| 19426 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Holly |
Michael I think this is our fault. |
| 19427 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Michael |
Oh, no, my God. |
| 19428 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Holly |
Oh... |
| 19429 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3231 |
Michael |
Oh my God! |
| 19430 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3232 |
Michael |
So much for s*x without consequences. |
| 19431 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Pam |
You are such a dork! Shots! |
| 19432 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Jim |
So apparently Pam went out last night, and accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning. |
| 19433 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Pam |
I'm not drunk. |
| 19434 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Jim |
I'm on minute six of this message. |
| 19435 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Pam |
Okay, I do not sound like that. |
| 19436 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Man on phone |
You can take the girl out of Philly... |
| 19437 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Pam |
Scranton. |
| 19438 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3233 |
Jim |
The future mother of my children. |
| 19439 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Angela |
I never felt safe here. |
| 19440 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Andy |
You're always safe with me. I'm a very good screamer. And one day, we're going to move to Disney's Celebration Village in Florida and leave all of this behind. |
| 19441 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Angela |
I would very much like that. |
| 19442 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Andy |
Yeah? |
| 19443 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 19444 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Andy |
Consider yourself... at home! |
| 19445 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3234 |
Dwight |
Ugh. |
| 19446 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Dwight |
Get in. |
| 19447 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Phyllis |
Where are we going? |
| 19448 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Dwight |
I know she loves me, Phyllis. I am sure of it. She practically told me so. |
| 19449 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Phyllis |
Then you need to give her an ultimatum. Tell her she needs to make a choice. You or Andy. If she pick you, great. If not, you can move on. |
| 19450 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Dwight |
Are you sure that's going to work? |
| 19451 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Phyllis |
It did when Bob said I had to stop talking to my sister on the phone so much. |
| 19452 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3235 |
Dwight |
Wait, this isn't our floor. Dwight... |
| 19453 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3236 |
Holly |
How's everyone doing? My door is always open if anyone wants to talk. |
| 19454 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3236 |
Oscar |
I don't want to talk. I want my laptop back. |
| 19455 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3237 |
Creed |
Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton. |
| 19456 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3238 |
Michael |
We're gonna make everything all right. Alright? Conference room, 15 minutes. Half an hour. Alright? |
| 19457 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3239 |
Michael |
To recoup their losses, I am planning a little charity auction, where people from all over Scranton can come and bid on our goods and services. I'm calling it crime-aid. It's like farm aid, but instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty. |
| 19458 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Phyllis |
I think it's a fun idea. |
| 19459 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 19460 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Phyllis |
We could auction off things we do for each other like cleaning or tennis lessons. My sorority did it all the time. |
| 19461 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Michael |
Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Was this a sorority that you didn't get into a real sorority so you had to kind of form your own? |
| 19462 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Phyllis |
Move on, Michael. |
| 19463 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay! Well, come on, let's have an auction. Let's do this. We'll auction off people like in the olden days. |
| 19464 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Oscar |
So, in order to recoup the value of items we liked, we have to spend more money on things we don't want. Who would ever come to this? |
| 19465 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Michael |
I don't know, it could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be an old person. It could be a lookie-loo. Or, it could be... a Bruce Springsteen fan - what? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? Oh, I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying. Bear with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy there's actually something going on here- |
| 19466 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Jim |
Do you need us for any of this? |
| 19467 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3240 |
Michael |
Do I? |
| 19468 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Holly |
Michael scored the big ticket item. Springsteen tickets! The boss scored the boss. |
| 19469 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Michael |
Yeah, I think that's pretty boss. |
| 19470 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Holly |
He knows how to get things. He got me. |
| 19471 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Michael |
Whoa! |
| 19472 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Holly |
Sorry. |
| 19473 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Michael |
Twice. ... Right? |
| 19474 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Holly |
Mm-hmm. |
| 19475 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 19476 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3241 |
Holly |
Mm-hmm. |
| 19477 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3242 |
Dwight |
Listen to me close. 'Cause I'm only gonna say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize, and then date me, or you can say good-bye to this. |
| 19478 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3242 |
Angela |
I think you have me confused with another person. |
| 19479 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3242 |
Dwight |
I said I was only gonna say this once. You have until 6:14 PM. 6:14! |
| 19480 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3242 |
Angela |
I heard you. |
| 19481 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3243 |
Michael |
Pump it up! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Pump up the volume. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you, Mr. Springsteen. And welcome to C.R.I.M.E.-A.I.D. Crime Reduces Innocence Makes Everyone Angry I Declare. It is not known how many office robberies occur every second because there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics. However, tonight, its victims, are standing together and standing strong in the form of song, cooking lessons, and hugs. Really Phyllis? You're auctioning a hug? Okay, so with no further ado, lights, camera, auction! Take it away Bruce! |
| 19482 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3244 |
Darryl |
Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People. |
| 19483 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Michael |
Okay, this is the moment that you have all been waiting for. Our first item up for bids tonight is something that I consider to be very boss indeed. It is a Yoga lesson from Holly Flax! Yoga! And I would like to start the bidding off at 300 dollars. 300 dollars do I hear 300 dollars? 300 dollars. Hey, batter batter batter, hey batter, swing batter, 300 dollars, 300 dollars, 300 dollars. Anybody, 300 dollars. 400 dollars. Who wants for 400- Do I see somebody in the back? Is there somebody in the back? Do I see somebody in the back? 400-450 Sold! For 300 dollars to me! What the hell is that? |
| 19484 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Phyllis |
It's the only gavel I could find. |
| 19485 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Michael |
It squeaks when you bang it, that's what she said. Let's hear it for me! Right? A bargain at any price! |
| 19486 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Darryl |
Hey Mike, do my thing. |
| 19487 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Michael |
Oh, yes, great. Very good, Um, so, Darryl, and the boys in the hood in the warehouse, have graciously donated to, uh, go out for a beer with them right now. You know what, I'm actually going to bid on this. I'm going to start the bidding, because this is something that I have dreamt of- |
| 19488 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Darryl |
Mike, you can't do that. It's conflict of interest. |
| 19489 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Jim |
5 dollars. |
| 19490 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Darryl |
Sold! To Jim. |
| 19491 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay, sold! Have fun, you guys. Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says "Creed." |
| 19492 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3245 |
Creed |
Yeah, that's all-inclusive. |
| 19493 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Darryl |
She thought I was McNabb. |
| 19494 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
I can see that. |
| 19495 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Darryl |
Yeah, well, watcha gonna do? |
| 19496 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
Another round, boys? Great. |
| 19497 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
Halpert? |
| 19498 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Darryl |
What's up, Roy? |
| 19499 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
Hey man. |
| 19500 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
I'm not gonna hit you or anything. |
| 19501 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
Oh, I wouldn't- |
| 19502 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
You good? |
| 19503 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
I'm good. How you doing? |
| 19504 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
I'm good. |
| 19505 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Jim |
Yeah, okay. |
| 19506 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
Hey Darryl, what's happenin'? |
| 19507 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Darryl |
Oh, what's up, Roy? |
| 19508 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3246 |
Roy |
Hey, what's up, guys? How you been? |
| 19509 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Kevin |
Hi, I'm Kevin. And I'll do your taxes. |
| 19510 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Michael |
Let's hear an opening bid, everybody. Who's first? Kevin do your taxes. He's the tax man. Kevin the tax man. |
| 19511 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Kevin |
Federal and State. |
| 19512 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Michael |
Federal and State. |
| 19513 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Kevin |
Fine. |
| 19514 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3247 |
Michael |
Okay, alright. Hey, you know what? I would appreciate it if people would stop storming off the stage. |
| 19515 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3248 |
Hank |
Me and the blues. It's me and the blues. |
| 19516 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Michael |
We are getting there folks. Slow and steady. Well, well, have we been blessed today. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. David Wallace! Whoo! |
| 19517 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
David Wallace |
Hey. |
| 19518 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 19519 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
David Wallace |
Thank you Michael, thanks, thanks everybody. I'd like to auction off a weekend at my place in Martha's Vineyard. Hey, hey! |
| 19520 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Oscar |
100 dollars. |
| 19521 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Michael |
100 dollars, great. |
| 19522 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Bob Vance |
125 |
| 19523 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Guy in audience |
140 |
| 19524 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Dwight |
Hey Phyllis, someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick. |
| 19525 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Phyllis |
Oh dear. |
| 19526 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Michael |
Keep it going. Hey batter batter batter. |
| 19527 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Guy in audience |
160 |
| 19528 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3249 |
Michael |
160 |
| 19529 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Dwight |
I had to get your attention. This is an emergency. |
| 19530 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Phyllis |
Why couldn't have you just said it? Why did you actually do it? |
| 19531 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Dwight |
Listen, she ignored my ultimatum. Now what? |
| 19532 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Phyllis |
Now you move on. |
| 19533 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Dwight |
Okay, fine. I've moved on. Now how do I get her back? |
| 19534 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Phyllis |
Well Dwight, I don't think you do. I think you've got your answer. |
| 19535 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Dwight |
Wait, that's it? That's your advice? I thought you had some kind of big master plan. |
| 19536 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Phyllis |
Well, I just think we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us. |
| 19537 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3250 |
Dwight |
Oh. I get it. You're trying to secure your place as head of the party-planning committee. You're just being selfish. And you slap like a girl. |
| 19538 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3251 |
Dwight |
What did Phyllis do wrong? I'll tell you what Phyllis did wrong. She stuck her nose into my business and tried to help me. |
| 19539 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
What's going on with Pam? |
| 19540 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
Oh, she's good actually. |
| 19541 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
Yeah? |
| 19542 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
She's, um, she's in New York. She's at an art school. |
| 19543 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
Really? |
| 19544 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
Yeah, she's doing really well. |
| 19545 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
Huh. |
| 19546 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
She's engaged, um... to me. |
| 19547 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
Congrats, man. |
| 19548 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
Oh, thanks man. Appreciate that. |
| 19549 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
So Pam's happy? |
| 19550 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean, she loves her classes. Loves the city. I mean, last night, she was out with her friends, till, like, 8:00 AM. |
| 19551 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
Wow. |
| 19552 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Jim |
What? |
| 19553 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3252 |
Roy |
I thought you were a friend. |
| 19554 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3253 |
Jim |
I am going to see Pam. Because I feel like I should. |
| 19555 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
When are you getting to Bruce? |
| 19556 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
Uh, just a few more items. |
| 19557 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
All |
Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! |
| 19558 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right! Here we go. All right, big ticket item. All right, in my pocket, I have... two tickets... to Mr. Bruce Springsteen, front... Oh, where are those? Has anyone seen an envelope with Bruce Springsteen front row tickets and backstage passes? Anybody seen something like-lying around? |
| 19559 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Stanley |
Do you want us to look for 'em? |
| 19560 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
No. I think they were stolen. I think they were stolen and they're gone forever. So... oh, that was the last good item. So, good job, everybody. |
| 19561 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Phyllis |
I have my hug. |
| 19562 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, Phyllis, nobody... really wants a hug, so. |
| 19563 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
I'll bid on a hug. |
| 19564 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
She's your wife, you idiot. |
| 19565 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
100 dollars. |
| 19566 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
David Wallace |
200 |
| 19567 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
Uh, what the hell is happening? |
| 19568 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Andy |
250 |
| 19569 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Angela |
What are you doing? |
| 19570 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Andy |
I need a hug, unless you're gonna give me one. |
| 19571 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Angela |
Not here. |
| 19572 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
300 |
| 19573 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
300, we have 300. 300 going once. 300 going twice. |
| 19574 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
300 and one penny. |
| 19575 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
300 and one penny, 300 and one penny. |
| 19576 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
325 |
| 19577 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
325, 325. |
| 19578 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
David Wallace |
350 |
| 19579 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
350 |
| 19580 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
350 and one penny. |
| 19581 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
350 and one penny. |
| 19582 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
400 |
| 19583 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
400, 400 hey batter batter. |
| 19584 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
400 and one penny. |
| 19585 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
400 and one penny. |
| 19586 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
500 |
| 19587 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
500 |
| 19588 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
500 and one penny. |
| 19589 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
500 and one penny. One million dollar! |
| 19590 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
700 |
| 19591 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
700 |
| 19592 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
700 and one penny. |
| 19593 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
Humuna-humuna-humuna-humuna-humuna- |
| 19594 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Bob Vance |
1000 |
| 19595 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Dwight |
Eh, it's not worth it. |
| 19596 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3254 |
Michael |
1,000 going once, 1,000 going twice. Sold for 1,000 dollar. Nicely done. |
| 19597 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3255 |
Jim |
No. you know what? No. Because... I'm not that guy. And we are not that couple. |
| 19598 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3256 |
Michael |
Hey, that looks good. Listen, about the tickets. It's sort of a gray-kind of a gray area in terms of...whether or not I had them- |
| 19599 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3257 |
Holly |
The Springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But, a lot of Michael seems too good to be true. So far it's all true. But yeah, those tickets, really seemed too good to be true. |
| 19600 |
5 |
5 |
Crime Aid |
3258 |
David Wallace |
No, I did not know that Michael was dating Holly. |
| 19601 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Kelly |
Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween. |
| 19602 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Phyllis |
Shh. He wears that so he can sleep at his desk. Who are you? |
| 19603 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Kelly |
Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from s*x And The City. |
| 19604 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Phyllis |
Mm. I like your shoes. |
| 19605 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Kelly |
Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine? |
| 19606 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Phyllis |
Sure. |
| 19607 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Ryan |
I got her, I got her. I can help you. You look amazing. |
| 19608 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Kelly |
Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King? |
| 19609 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Ryan |
Gordon Gekko. |
| 19610 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Kelly |
Oh, from the insurance commercials! |
| 19611 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3259 |
Ryan |
... Yeah. |
| 19612 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3260 |
Oscar |
Whoa. Awesome. |
| 19613 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3260 |
Creed |
Let's put a smile on that face! |
| 19614 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3260 |
Kevin |
Dammit Creed! I've been up since four! |
| 19615 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Andy |
Meow. Sweet 'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be? |
| 19616 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Jim |
Dave. |
| 19617 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Andy |
Cool. |
| 19618 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Jim |
You are? A cat? |
| 19619 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Andy |
We were looking for "kitten." |
| 19620 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Jim |
Oh, hang on one second. Jim Halpert. |
| 19621 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 19622 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Jim |
Hey New York, Happy Halloween! |
| 19623 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3261 |
Pam |
Thanks. My costume's getting a lot of attention. |
| 19624 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3262 |
Pam |
So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used greasepaint for my moustache. And I can't even take off my hat, because then I'm Hitler. |
| 19625 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3263 |
Dwight |
Hm mm mm mm. Want to see a magic trick? Heh heh heh! I'm gonna make a pencil disapp-- oh! Disappear. |
| 19626 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3264 |
Michael |
Okay, I think we are set. We have puzzles, string for Cat's Cradles. Burned this last night. A little road trip CD. Puppets. |
| 19627 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3264 |
Holly |
Oh, look at all this stuff! It's only seven hours. |
| 19628 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3265 |
Michael |
When Corporate found out that we were dating, they decided they were going to transfer Holly back to her old branch, in Nashua, New Hampshire. |
| 19629 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Holly |
Michael is taking a personal day to move me up. |
| 19630 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Michael |
Road trip! Right? |
| 19631 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Holly |
Breaker one-nine, copy? |
| 19632 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Michael |
Oh, copy that breaker. Those Duke boys are at it again. |
| 19633 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Darryl |
Hey! Do Not Touch My Radio. |
| 19634 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Michael |
We're not. |
| 19635 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Holly |
Kidding. |
| 19636 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3266 |
Michael |
We're not doing anything. |
| 19637 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3267 |
Holly |
It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, and I said "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" And he said "I asked you first." And I said "First!" at the same time he did. And then I said "Jinx." And then we never talked about it again and haven't been back to the conversation. So... |
| 19638 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3268 |
Michael |
All right everybody. I'm out of here. Jim, you're in charge. |
| 19639 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3268 |
Jim |
Oh, I'll walk you out. |
| 19640 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3268 |
Michael |
Ah, you are quite the gentleman. |
| 19641 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3269 |
Michael |
You can let people go a couple of minutes early if you want. |
| 19642 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3269 |
Jim |
All right. We'll see. No. |
| 19643 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3270 |
Jim |
I am off to New York. My brother Pete from Boston, and my brother Tom from New Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch, to celebrate the engagement. Or maybe to beat me up. I can never tell with those two. |
| 19644 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
Good morning temp. |
| 19645 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Ryan |
'Morning. Wow. Good morning Dwight. |
| 19646 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
Thought I'd go casual today. Morning everyone. Good morning. Hello. How are you Phyllis? |
| 19647 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Andy |
Ha ha ha. That's funny. Take that sweatshirt off! Hey buddy. |
| 19648 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
Andy. |
| 19649 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Andy |
Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking. But, you should know, those colors are sacred. Not that I care. But if you're not a Cornell man, you probably shouldn't wear them. |
| 19650 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
No I get it. I totally understand. And uh, I just want to assure you, that I mean no disrespect. You see, I'm applying! |
| 19651 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Andy |
Come on, you think you can get into Cornell? |
| 19652 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
Well if somebody who barely out-sells Phyllis, can get in, I should be fine. |
| 19653 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Phyllis |
I'm sitting right here Dwight. |
| 19654 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3271 |
Dwight |
I meant that as a compliment to you Phyllis, as well as a slight to Andy. |
| 19655 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3272 |
Dwight |
Cornell is a good school, and I want to better myself through higher education. If it makes Andy angry, so be it. |
| 19656 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Holly |
I have to unpack this weekend but maybe next weekend we go to the outlets! |
| 19657 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Michael |
Cool! |
| 19658 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Darryl |
Mike you'll drive this every weekend? |
| 19659 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Michael |
We're gonna switch back and forth, the driving. Sometimes we'll just meet in the middle. It'll be fun. Wait a sec. Oh I love this song. |
| 19660 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Michael, Holly |
Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long. |
| 19661 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3273 |
Michael, Holly, Darryl |
If you're going my way, I wanna drive you all night long! If you're going my way... |
| 19662 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3274 |
Dwight |
Hey there. So uh, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong. |
| 19663 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3274 |
Andy |
Well he's had a pretty good season so far--- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell. Okay, you're just doing this to screw with me. |
| 19664 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3274 |
Dwight |
Not so. Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage. |
| 19665 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3274 |
Andy |
I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs Big Red. |
| 19666 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3274 |
Dwight |
Someday, we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this. |
| 19667 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3275 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 19668 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3275 |
Tom Halpert |
Hey, future baby sis! |
| 19669 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3275 |
Pam |
How are you Tom. Nice to see you. |
| 19670 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3275 |
Tom Halpert |
I'm good. |
| 19671 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3276 |
Pam |
I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch! Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea. They're probably thinking, "That Pam Beasly, she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet. She's the best! The absolute best." |
| 19672 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pam |
Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. I'm gonna say that before ceramics class, I took off my ring, and then when I changed back out of my smock, it wasn't in my pocket anymore, and I lost it. |
| 19673 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pete |
That's perfect. You know what would be even more hilarious? Remember that thing we did when Jim was in high school with his girlfriend? |
| 19674 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Tom Halpert |
Right! That would be hilarious! We should totally dog her, about being an artist, never making any money! |
| 19675 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pete |
That, is awesome! |
| 19676 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Tom Halpert |
Like she basically has a hobby, for a job. |
| 19677 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pete |
Oh yeah. |
| 19678 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pam |
So, not the ring then? The- the- Not doing the ring? |
| 19679 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pete |
I think this is better. |
| 19680 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Tom Halpert |
The other thing would "get" Jim. |
| 19681 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pete |
This is nicer, it's fun. It's fun! |
| 19682 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pam |
Okay, okay. |
| 19683 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Tom Halpert |
Oh, he hates it when we pick on his girlfriends. |
| 19684 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3277 |
Pam |
Oookay.... |
| 19685 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3278 |
Pam |
They came up with that idea really fast. |
| 19686 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Darryl |
This trip was longer than I thought. |
| 19687 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Holly |
Yeah it did look shorter on the map- |
| 19688 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Michael |
Ah! Ah! Ahhhh! Hey. Whew. Ow. I was having a nightmare. |
| 19689 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Holly |
You were sleeping? You were talking before. |
| 19690 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Michael |
Was I? Really? Was I saying anything interesting? |
| 19691 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Darryl |
Not really. |
| 19692 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Michael |
All right. What's the scoop, how far? |
| 19693 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Darryl |
Four hours. Almost halfway there. |
| 19694 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Holly |
We're only halfway? |
| 19695 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Michael |
Halfway! Okay, You know what I want to do, I want to pull over and find little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle. Emphasis on the bed. And the breakfast. |
| 19696 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Darryl |
Next exit isn't for five miles. |
| 19697 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3279 |
Holly |
Let's check there. |
| 19698 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Pam |
Hey guys. |
| 19699 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Jim |
Hey, how are you? |
| 19700 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Pam |
Hi! |
| 19701 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Jim |
Good to see you. |
| 19702 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Pete |
Nice to see you again, Pam. |
| 19703 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Tom Halpert |
Pam, I haven't seen you in so, so long! |
| 19704 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3280 |
Jim |
All right so now we can sit... and get comfortable. |
| 19705 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3281 |
Darryl |
There's nothing out here man. |
| 19706 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3281 |
Michael |
Yeah. I don't know I just- I imagined a hotel right here. Pool, over here. Really good breakfast place. With really good bacon. |
| 19707 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Michael |
Here we go, fourth time's a charm. "Life's like a road where you just... one day here, and the next day back...Sometimes you deal with it, today you don't, sometimes you do, what you want... there's a world out there.... Hey. Are you crying? |
| 19708 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Holly |
No. |
| 19709 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Michael |
Allergies? |
| 19710 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Holly |
No. |
| 19711 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Michael |
Did Darryl touch you? |
| 19712 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Darryl |
WHAT!? |
| 19713 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3282 |
Holly |
No, Darryl did not touch me. Can we just keep going, please? |
| 19714 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
What's the matter? |
| 19715 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
It's not gonna work. |
| 19716 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
Sure it is. |
| 19717 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
There's too much distance. |
| 19718 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
Oh no no no.. It's gonna work, it'll be fine. |
| 19719 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
Michael we've only been dating each other for a few weeks |
| 19720 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
Listen to me. I like you so much. |
| 19721 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
And I like you too. |
| 19722 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
And I've dated four women in the last-- |
| 19723 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
I've dated four guys last year too. |
| 19724 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
Not last - no. In like the last ten years. |
| 19725 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
Oh. |
| 19726 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
I've dated almost four women, and you are so far above them, it is stupid. |
| 19727 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Holly |
Michael. Don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be. |
| 19728 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3283 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 19729 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3284 |
Michael |
Holly thinks that this relationship is over. Well, you know what? I am not gonna give up that easy. I'm gonna make this way harder than it needs to be. |
| 19730 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
Take that down. |
| 19731 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Dwight |
Excuse me? |
| 19732 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
Take. That down. |
| 19733 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Meredith |
You know I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice. They gave me a ride home. |
| 19734 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
I seriously doubt that anyone from Cornell dated you. |
| 19735 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Creed |
It's pronounced Ker-nell. It's the highest rank in the military. |
| 19736 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
It's pronounced "Corn-ell!" It's the highest rank in the Ivy League! |
| 19737 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Dwight |
Andy, let's just talk about this man-to-man, after work. |
| 19738 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
Fine. |
| 19739 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Dwight |
What do you say? |
| 19740 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3285 |
Andy |
Yeah, good. Can we--- Grr. Heh heh heh. That's Big Red Bear! That's a bobble Big Red Bear! God!! |
| 19741 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
If you leave on Friday, by five, you'll be rolling in at... midnight? At best? |
| 19742 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 19743 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
And then sleep in Saturday. That only leaves us less than 24 hours before you have to go back again. |
| 19744 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. I will talk to you on the Bluetooth the entire trip. So we're talking constantly all the way. |
| 19745 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
Oh. |
| 19746 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
I'll tell you everything that I see. Everything that I pass by, things that I witness on the road. |
| 19747 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
Well- |
| 19748 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Maybe I'll see an accident one weekend? |
| 19749 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
How long could we keep that up? |
| 19750 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Years! |
| 19751 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
Years? |
| 19752 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 19753 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
Years? Of just a few hours every weekend? |
| 19754 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
Here's my wish. I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy. |
| 19755 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Holly |
Thank you. |
| 19756 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Michael |
My wish has come true, incidentally, because, you've met me, and you are happy. |
| 19757 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3286 |
Darryl |
Clever, Mike. |
| 19758 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Tom Halpert |
So Pam, how much does an artist make after they leave art school? |
| 19759 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Pete |
Yeah, not a lot of money in the arts, right? |
| 19760 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Jim |
That's not really true. There's a lot of things you can do with an art degree actually. |
| 19761 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Tom Halpert |
Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin. |
| 19762 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Jim |
Wow, that's- that's a little rude. What's your deal? |
| 19763 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Pete |
Hey, just having fun Jimmy. |
| 19764 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Tom Halpert |
Yeah. Right Pam? |
| 19765 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3287 |
Pam |
Yup! |
| 19766 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
You know what? I think we're a great couple. I think we're a classic couple. I think we're like Romeo and Juliet. I think we... go together so well. We're like peanut butter and jelly, don't you think? |
| 19767 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Holly |
I do, I think so. |
| 19768 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
Then don't do it. Please don't do this. Please don't do this. |
| 19769 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Darryl |
Hey what's up, I just thought I'd try you. I was thinking about that story where you ran into the girl you used to babysit. |
| 19770 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
I don't know what I'm gonna do! |
| 19771 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Darryl |
Please call me back. |
| 19772 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
Please? |
| 19773 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Holly |
You'll be okay |
| 19774 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
I'm not gonna be okay. |
| 19775 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Darryl |
Please... |
| 19776 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Holly |
You will. |
| 19777 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3288 |
Michael |
No I won't! I'm not strong! And I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan! Oh God! |
| 19778 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
You might be interested- |
| 19779 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Stanley |
What? |
| 19780 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
Dwight! |
| 19781 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Dwight |
Andy, I've been meaning to ask you, which a cappella group should I join? The Harmoniacs, or the Do-Re-Mi-Go's? |
| 19782 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
Hm. Assuming you had the voice to be in any of them, it's irrelevant. Because I called admissions and it looks like I, will be conducting your university interview. |
| 19783 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Dwight |
That's a conflict of interest. |
| 19784 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
Yeah. Big one. So, should I not let you in now, or do you want to do the interview, and then I won't let you in? |
| 19785 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Dwight |
Interview. |
| 19786 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
Excellent. When the hourglass strikes three, then in the room whence employees confer. |
| 19787 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 19788 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Andy |
The conference room! |
| 19789 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3289 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 19790 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3290 |
Andy |
Who are your role models? |
| 19791 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3291 |
Andy |
If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance. |
| 19792 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3292 |
Andy |
So, Dane Cook, Jack Bauer, and Eli Whitney. You're doing great. |
| 19793 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Oh wow. This is my niece Vanessa. She's a trumpeter. And, look at her. |
| 19794 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
Cute. |
| 19795 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
That must be really fun for you and Marci huh? |
| 19796 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Tom Halpert |
Yup. She only knows how to play "When the Saints go Marching In." |
| 19797 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Love that one. |
| 19798 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
Yeah but, she doesn't think she's gonna be like, career musician right? |
| 19799 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Here you go again! What is your deal today? |
| 19800 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
Just saying. How many famous trumpeters can you name besides... Louis Armstrong? |
| 19801 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
Miles Davis. |
| 19802 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
One. |
| 19803 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
Chet ...something. |
| 19804 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Half. |
| 19805 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
The point is Pam, is there are jobs- |
| 19806 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
Dizzy Gillespie. |
| 19807 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Also good. |
| 19808 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
And there are hobbies. I love baseball more than anything, but you don't see me try to get on the Mets. |
| 19809 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Tom Halpert |
You don't! |
| 19810 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Pete couldn't make the Mets. She's at Pratt. You played JV baseball. Will you lighten up a little bit? |
| 19811 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
I'm just calling it like I see it. |
| 19812 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
I don't know if I'm gonna make any money with art. |
| 19813 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Pam, don't worry about it. |
| 19814 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
I mean it's a very competitive field. But I have a professor who says I have a lot of promise, and if I don't try now, I never will. So... |
| 19815 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Jim |
Guys, what is going on?! |
| 19816 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Tom Halpert |
We pranked you! |
| 19817 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
It was Pam's idea. Pam was the mastermind. |
| 19818 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pam |
... Got you. |
| 19819 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3293 |
Pete |
That was killer. I was so close to blowing it. |
| 19820 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
Let's see how well you know your Big Red history. |
| 19821 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
Bring it. |
| 19822 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
Who was Cornell's eighth president? |
| 19823 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
Dale Raymond Corson! |
| 19824 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
Mm, I'm sorry that's incorrect. Cornell's seventh president was in fact, James A. Perkins. Comprehension skills, sub-par. |
| 19825 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
Hmm, interviewing skills, sub-par. |
| 19826 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
What are you writing? Can't even give Cornell your full attention? |
| 19827 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell. By evaluating their interviewers. |
| 19828 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
Nobody wants ...that, to happen. |
| 19829 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
Well, when they get my evaluation we'll see if they're interested. |
| 19830 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
"Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character." |
| 19831 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
"Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process." |
| 19832 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
"Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations." |
| 19833 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
"Interviewer has suspect motives." |
| 19834 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
"Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid." |
| 19835 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
"Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth." Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need. |
| 19836 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
I have everything I need- |
| 19837 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
And you will be hearing from the - |
| 19838 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
And you will be hearing from - |
| 19839 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
-Cornell Application Department, |
| 19840 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
which I will not be a part of- |
| 19841 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
And you will not be pleased with the result. |
| 19842 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
And YOU will not be pleased with the result! |
| 19843 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
And your affiliation with Cornell - |
| 19844 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
And your affiliation with Cornell - |
| 19845 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
Will end completely! |
| 19846 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Andy |
Will end completely! |
| 19847 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3294 |
Dwight |
That is all sir, you may go. |
| 19848 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3295 |
Darryl |
There's another dolly in the truck, Mike. You could take more than that lamp. |
| 19849 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Pam |
For the record, I wanted go another direction. Which was way better. |
| 19850 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Jim |
Well, I'll be the judge of that. What do you got? |
| 19851 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Pam |
Okay. I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class. Left it in my smock. I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl. Look I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger, you can hardly see it, it's very subtle. |
| 19852 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Jim |
That is good. |
| 19853 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 19854 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Jim |
Truthfully anything would have been better than that prank. Oh, text message from my brother. "Pam cool. Welcome to the family." |
| 19855 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3296 |
Pam |
Oh. Hey how about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald? |
| 19856 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Darryl |
This is the last of it. |
| 19857 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Michael |
Oh that's mine actually. Um, maybe put it back in the truck. |
| 19858 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Darryl |
You're not staying? |
| 19859 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Michael |
You know I have some things I need to do this weekend. I just remembered, so, I'll just ride back with you. |
| 19860 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Darryl |
But you want me to put it back in the truck. |
| 19861 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3297 |
Michael |
I'll be down in just a second. Holly? |
| 19862 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3298 |
Michael |
So um... I think I'm gonna go back with Darryl Okay. Goodbye. |
| 19863 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3298 |
Holly |
Okay. Bye. |
| 19864 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
I know it's hard Mike. Break-ups hurt. |
| 19865 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
We didn't break up. |
| 19866 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Looked like it. Sometimes when I'm down like this, it helps to sing the blues. |
| 19867 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 19868 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na... da na na na na... |
| 19869 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
That's a really pretty song. |
| 19870 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na. No, no, check it out, look. Da na na na na... want to do that? |
| 19871 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 19872 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
That's when you hit me with what's getting you down, okay? |
| 19873 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 19874 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na. |
| 19875 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19876 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na. |
| 19877 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19878 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
No, wait. You're, you're supposed to... Never mind. Da na na na na. |
| 19879 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19880 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na. |
| 19881 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19882 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na!! |
| 19883 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na!! |
| 19884 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Da na na na na . |
| 19885 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19886 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
Yeah! Da na na na na. |
| 19887 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na. |
| 19888 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Darryl |
YEAH! Da na na na na. |
| 19889 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3299 |
Michael |
Da na na na na... |
| 19890 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Andy |
I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet? |
| 19891 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Dwight |
Where did you get those? |
| 19892 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Andy |
What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state. |
| 19893 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Dwight |
I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this. |
| 19894 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Andy |
Well you will. Soon as you visit, my new beet farm. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you? |
| 19895 |
5 |
6 |
Employee Transfer |
3300 |
Dwight |
Cornell. |
| 19896 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3301 |
Michael |
Hey, sport. |
| 19897 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3301 |
Dwight |
I heard someone got engaged, you dog, huh? |
| 19898 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3301 |
Michael |
Ow! God! |
| 19899 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3301 |
Dwight |
Oh, nothing can hurt you now. You're a man in love! |
| 19900 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3302 |
Darryl |
I was there. That dude is not engaged. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'll go into my own pocket to cover his co-pay. |
| 19901 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Andy |
Big idea: double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly. |
| 19902 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
No, we would never do that. And if we did, it would be with Jim and Pam. |
| 19903 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Jim |
Yeah, we'd never do that. |
| 19904 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
Yeah, so there you go. |
| 19905 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Kelly |
Michael, I got my bridesmaid dress. |
| 19906 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
Oh, wow, so quickly. |
| 19907 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Kelly |
Yeah, and you said I could get it in any color I wanted, so I picked white. |
| 19908 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Kevin |
Michael, did you tell your mom yet? |
| 19909 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
Nope. Nope. Not yet. |
| 19910 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Jim |
You wouldn't tell your mom? |
| 19911 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Kevin |
You love your mom. |
| 19912 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Kelly |
Call your mom, Michael. |
| 19913 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
I'll call her later. |
| 19914 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Group |
Call her! Call her! |
| 19915 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
I don't want to do that. All right. She is going to freak out! |
| 19916 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Andy |
Speakerphone! |
| 19917 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
That's -- thanks. |
| 19918 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Mother |
Hello? |
| 19919 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
Mom, I'm getting married. |
| 19920 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Mother |
No, you're not. |
| 19921 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
Why do you always do that? Whenever I'm getting married, you don't believe me. |
| 19922 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Mother |
Well, are you getting married? |
| 19923 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
No. |
| 19924 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Mother |
Are you-- |
| 19925 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3303 |
Michael |
I'm not, I'm not getting married. So... Psych. |
| 19926 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3304 |
Kelly |
So I returned my bridesmaid dress, and it was on sale, so I'm out $100. |
| 19927 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3304 |
Michael |
And I'm out a fiancee. Are those the customer surveys? |
| 19928 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3304 |
Kelly |
Yeah, uh, this is all of them: Jim, Dwight, Phyllis, Stanley, Andy and -- oh. Oh, it's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there? |
| 19929 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3304 |
Michael |
I'll take care of that for you. Thanks. |
| 19930 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3305 |
Michael |
Kelly Kapoor is our dusky, exotic customer service rep. And once a year, she will contact our clients and find out how happy they are with our salespeople. Sort of a Kapoor's List. "Schindler's List" parody. ... That's not appropriate, no. |
| 19931 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3306 |
Jim |
Those reports affect our bonuses, which is kind of great for me, because you wouldn't know it from looking at her, but Pam's a gold-digger. |
| 19932 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3306 |
Pam |
Hey, New York ain't free. Get back to work. |
| 19933 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3306 |
Jim |
Aww. |
| 19934 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Pam |
It's the world's tiniest Bluetooth. I found it in a Japanese gadget store in the village. I got one for Jim, too. Jim, say something. |
| 19935 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Jim |
Testing, testing. Hello, everybody. |
| 19936 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Pam |
We wanted to stay on the phone all day, but the company has a policy against eight-hour personal calls. So we're not telling anyone. |
| 19937 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Alex |
Uh, Pam. What do you want on your coffee? |
| 19938 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Jim, Pam |
Sprinkle of cinnamon. |
| 19939 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3307 |
Pam |
I should go. |
| 19940 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
Alrighty, Dwighty, let's see how you did. |
| 19941 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
Bring it on. |
| 19942 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
No. |
| 19943 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
Sorry. |
| 19944 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 19945 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
What does it say? |
| 19946 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
Dwight, your feedback is horrible. |
| 19947 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
That's impossible. |
| 19948 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
A number of your clients found your personal style abrasive and distasteful. |
| 19949 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
I sell more paper than anyone. |
| 19950 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, no. |
| 19951 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
Wait, is this a joke? I'm getting that queasy feeling that sometimes accompanies jokes. |
| 19952 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
Do I look like I am joking? |
| 19953 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
No, but that's sometimes part of it. |
| 19954 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
If I were joking, you would be laughing. Do you look like you are laughing? |
| 19955 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Dwight |
Impossible to say. I can't see myself. |
| 19956 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3308 |
Michael |
You're not. |
| 19957 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
Yo, Tommy Tuna, did you get your scores yet? |
| 19958 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 19959 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
I got mine. They were really good. |
| 19960 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Pam |
I miss him. |
| 19961 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
You must be really proud. |
| 19962 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
Yeah, pretty psyched. Whoa! That's my mug. |
| 19963 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
Oh, sorry. It was just -- it was right here. |
| 19964 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
Right, well, it's mine, so if you could pour it out and get another one. |
| 19965 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
OK. Or maybe I could finish the coffee that's in here and you could use uh, oh -- Snoopy. |
| 19966 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Pam |
Don't give him Snoopy. That's mine. |
| 19967 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
It is a great mug. But it's not my mug. That is my mug. So give it back. |
| 19968 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
How can you even be sure? |
| 19969 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
It has my face on it. |
| 19970 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Jim |
Make the face. Yeah, I don't see it. |
| 19971 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3309 |
Andy |
Dude, that is my face! |
| 19972 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Pam |
What was that? |
| 19973 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Wow. That was Dwight. He seems upset about something. |
| 19974 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Pam |
Describe him exactly. What color mustard is his shirt? Yellow or Dijon? |
| 19975 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
It is... more of a spicy brown, actually. |
| 19976 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
What are you mumbling about? |
| 19977 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
How was your meeting with Michael? |
| 19978 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
None of your business. |
| 19979 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Was it your scores? |
| 19980 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
Those can't be my scores, Jim. For your information -- |
| 19981 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 19982 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
I'm being sabotaged. |
| 19983 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Of course. |
| 19984 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
And I'm going to find that person and punish them. |
| 19985 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Absolutely. Or you could just be nice to your customers. |
| 19986 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
You're an idiot. |
| 19987 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
There's the charm. |
| 19988 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Michael |
Jimbo, let's do this thang. |
| 19989 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
That is me. Wish me luck. |
| 19990 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
No way. |
| 19991 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Pam |
Good luck. |
| 19992 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 19993 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
I didn't say anything |
| 19994 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Pam |
I love you. |
| 19995 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
I love you, too. |
| 19996 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Dwight |
What do you think I am saying to you?! |
| 19997 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3310 |
Jim |
I'm not talking to you. |
| 19998 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3311 |
Dwight |
I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. Get a friend, loser. |
| 19999 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3312 |
Andy |
Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. It's really gorgeous. You guys do great work. |
| 20000 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3313 |
Andy |
I found the best tentist on the east coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. I got him! |
| 20001 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3314 |
Andy |
Would you be able to do the same design, but with walls of gray? And a top that's gray too? Fabulous. |
| 20002 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3315 |
Michael |
Oh, come on. |
| 20003 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3315 |
Jim |
What? |
| 20004 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3315 |
Michael |
You too? |
| 20005 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3315 |
Jim |
Did my scores drop a little? |
| 20006 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3315 |
Michael |
Jim, they are a poopy. |
| 20007 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3316 |
Pam |
Jim? Jim? |
| 20008 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Jim |
Are we even sure that's my file? |
| 20009 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Michael |
No. Yes, I am sure, Jim. It -- |
| 20010 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Jim |
Well, there's got to be an explanation. |
| 20011 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Michael |
I agree. |
| 20012 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 20013 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Michael |
So let's see what we can find out from reading. Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant. |
| 20014 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Jim |
I think you mean smug |
| 20015 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Michael |
Arrogance. |
| 20016 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Jim |
Michael, I'm just trying to -- |
| 20017 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3317 |
Michael |
And there's our smudgeness. |
| 20018 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3318 |
Jim |
I need a decent bonus, because I'm actually in the process of buying my parents' house so that they can retire. And if history tells us anything, it's that you can't go wrong buying a house you can't afford. Pam doesn't know about the house, so it's... a fun surprise. Pam, sorry about that. I lost you for a second. So, as it turns out, I may not have done so hot on my customer reviews this year. |
| 20019 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3318 |
Pam |
Maybe it's because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist. |
| 20020 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3318 |
Jim |
A little bit. ... Worth it. |
| 20021 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Here's what's going to happen. I am going to have to fix you, manage you two on a more personal scale, a more micro form of management. Jim, what is that called? |
| 20022 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Microgement. |
| 20023 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Boom! Yes. Now, Jim is going to be the client. Dwight, you're going to have to sell to him without being aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go. |
| 20024 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
All right, fine. Brrring. |
| 20025 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Hello? |
| 20026 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. |
| 20027 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Wow, that's great, because I need paper. |
| 20028 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Excellent, then you are in luck, because we are having a limited-time offer only on everything. |
| 20029 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Wow, this is my lucky day. |
| 20030 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Ask him his name. |
| 20031 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
What is your name, sir? |
| 20032 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
I am Bill Buttlicker. |
| 20033 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Really, that's your real name? |
| 20034 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
How dare you? My family built this country, by the way. |
| 20035 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Be respectful, Dwight. |
| 20036 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Yes, Michael. |
| 20037 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Would you hold on one second? That's my other line. |
| 20038 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
What? No, but I -- |
| 20039 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Hello? No, I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. Yeah, OK. |
| 20040 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
It's up to you to change his mind. |
| 20041 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Sorry. That was a family emergency. |
| 20042 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. What's wrong? |
| 20043 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
You know what? That's private. |
| 20044 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Boundaries, Dwight. Come on! |
| 20045 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Sorry, Mr. Buttlicker. As I was saying, we're having a limited-- |
| 20046 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Sorry, you're going to have to speak up a little bit louder. I'm hard of hearing. |
| 20047 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
He's hard of -- he's an old man. Let's go. |
| 20048 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
OK, as I was saying, right now we are having -- |
| 20049 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
You're gonna have to talk louder. |
| 20050 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
OK, our prices have never been lower. |
| 20051 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Son, you have to talk louder. |
| 20052 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
...never been lower! |
| 20053 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Louder, son! |
| 20054 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower! |
| 20055 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Stop it! Stop it! |
| 20056 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
He -- |
| 20057 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
That is totally inappropriate. You never yell at the client. You never yell at the client. |
| 20058 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Now, you listen to me, sir. |
| 20059 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Here we go. |
| 20060 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult. |
| 20061 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Give me the phone. |
| 20062 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Please, Mr. Buttlicker -- |
| 20063 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
I'm irate right now. |
| 20064 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Give me the phone. |
| 20065 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Please give me another chance. Mr. Buttlicker. |
| 20066 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Give me the phone. Give me the phone. |
| 20067 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
I have to put you on with my boss. |
| 20068 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Well, I should hope so. Who is this? |
| 20069 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Hello, this is Michael Scott, regional manager. |
| 20070 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Well, this is William M. Buttlicker. |
| 20071 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Hello, Mr. Buttlicker. How may we help you? |
| 20072 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
Michael, I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today. |
| 20073 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 20074 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
See how it's done? Thank you very much, sir. I don't think you'll regret it. See what I did? |
| 20075 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
You are the master. |
| 20076 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
There is one condition, Michael. |
| 20077 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20078 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Jim |
You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly. |
| 20079 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Dwight |
Don't do it, Michael. |
| 20080 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3319 |
Michael |
... It's a million-dollar sale. |
| 20081 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
So it's called the Shangri-La Tent. It's two stories, heated and has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet. It's just really simple, really tasteful. |
| 20082 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Angela |
I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo |
| 20083 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
Hobos live in trains. |
| 20084 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Angela |
Nana Mimi can't be in canvas that long. |
| 20085 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
Well, Nana Mim -- Ahh. OK, look. This tent is awesome. And it's in high demand, so I really think we should put a deposit down now. |
| 20086 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Angela |
OK fine you can have your tent, but only if it's in a field, a hand-plowed field |
| 20087 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
Done and done-er. |
| 20088 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Angela |
There has to be a barn that's old enough that you can see the stars through the roof slats when you lay on your back. And antique tools to look at when you roll over. |
| 20089 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
Do you have a specific place in mind? |
| 20090 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Angela |
No. But anything within a five- to eight-mile radius is acceptable. |
| 20091 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3320 |
Andy |
On it! |
| 20092 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
Dwight. Dwight. |
| 20093 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Get in! |
| 20094 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
Are you serious? |
| 20095 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Get in! |
| 20096 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
OK, what are you -- |
| 20097 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Shh. They might be listening to us. |
| 20098 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 20099 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
They might be listening to us |
| 20100 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
Who's they? |
| 20101 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Customer service might be monitoring this conversation. |
| 20102 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
In this car? |
| 20103 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
You never know. Better safe than sorry. |
| 20104 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
What are you thinking? |
| 20105 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Who stands to benefit from our downfall? |
| 20106 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
The mob, maybe NASA. |
| 20107 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
Could be the mob. But then Dunder-Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering, and there's little evidence of that. |
| 20108 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
Is there some evidence? |
| 20109 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Pam |
Ooh, cute shoes online. |
| 20110 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Jim |
How many shoes do you need? |
| 20111 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3321 |
Dwight |
I don't know. Two, maybe three if one wears out. How many shoes do you need? |
| 20112 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3322 |
Jim |
I'm not talking to you. |
| 20113 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3322 |
Dwight |
Who are you talking to? |
| 20114 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3322 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 20115 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3322 |
Dwight |
She's not here, Jim. |
| 20116 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3322 |
Jim |
No, she's not. |
| 20117 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3323 |
Pam |
Na na na na na. Na na na na na na na. |
| 20118 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3324 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 20119 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3325 |
Andy |
I found it. I found the perfect place. A local bed-and-breakfast on a 60-acre beet farm. And even better, I have an in with the owner. Oh, yeah. We work together. It's Dwight Schrute. As in Schrute Farms. |
| 20120 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Customer |
So I'd like to redouble my order, if you could put me down for, um -- |
| 20121 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Dwight |
Wait, shut up. |
| 20122 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Customer |
I'm sorry? |
| 20123 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Dwight |
Shh. Do you hear that? |
| 20124 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Customer |
Hear what? |
| 20125 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Dwight |
Breathing. Is that you? |
| 20126 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Customer |
Well, I am breathing, yes. |
| 20127 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Dwight |
Well, stop. Hold your breath. I still hear it. Who's there? Kelly, is that you? Hold on. |
| 20128 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3326 |
Customer |
I need paper. |
| 20129 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
Ha! |
| 20130 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
Oh, my God. You scared me. |
| 20131 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
Hear anything interesting? |
| 20132 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
What are you talking about? |
| 20133 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
I think you know. |
| 20134 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
You always say that, and I almost never know. |
| 20135 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
What are you up to, girl? Huh? Phyllis put you up to this? Stanley? Are they paying you? |
| 20136 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
Are you accusing me of something? |
| 20137 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
Of course I am. I know you're the mastermind, but you're too stupid to do it by yourself. |
| 20138 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Jim |
: OK. |
| 20139 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
Ah! |
| 20140 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Jim |
Easy. |
| 20141 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
OK. |
| 20142 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Jim |
Let's just -- Let's head back to the desk. |
| 20143 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
You just can't come into my nook and call me stupid. And maybe if you were a little bit more nice and polite, then people wouldn't give you such bad customer reviews. |
| 20144 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Dwight |
The reason that I got bad customer reviews is because I didn't! There is a massive conspiracy going on here, and I know you're involved. |
| 20145 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Kelly |
Dwight, get out of my nook! |
| 20146 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Pam |
That's what she said! That's what she said! That's what she said! |
| 20147 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3327 |
Jim |
Good one. |
| 20148 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
Hey. Sorry about Dwight, by the way. |
| 20149 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Kelly |
Yeah, he's weird. |
| 20150 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
Well, we all handle it differently. I personally choose to handle it like a normal person, but... |
| 20151 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Kelly |
OK. |
| 20152 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
Hey, how are you and Darryl? |
| 20153 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Kelly |
Um, we're cool. Bye. |
| 20154 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 20155 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Pam |
That was weird. |
| 20156 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
What was? |
| 20157 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Pam |
Have you ever had a conversation with Kelly where she didn't go on for 15 minutes without taking a breath? |
| 20158 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
No, actually. |
| 20159 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Pam |
Did you do something to her? |
| 20160 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Jim |
I don't think so. |
| 20161 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3328 |
Pam |
Well, something's off. |
| 20162 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Hey, how's things? |
| 20163 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
All right. |
| 20164 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 20165 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
Living in the moment. |
| 20166 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Do you have any reason to believe that Kelly would be mad at me? |
| 20167 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full on in New York. I played it high stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it cost. Can I tell you what else I learned? |
| 20168 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Wait, that's pretty weird. |
| 20169 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 20170 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Well, Andy has a mug just like that. |
| 20171 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
Oh, yeah, Kelly gave them out as party favors. Remember? You got one. |
| 20172 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
No. What party? |
| 20173 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Ryan |
Her America's Got Talent finale party over the summer. That's crazy. It was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there. I remember you being there. |
| 20174 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
I wasn't. But thank you. Do you know anything about this party? |
| 20175 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Pam |
Yes, I said you definitely should go, but you wanted to visit me instead. |
| 20176 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3329 |
Jim |
Well, I can't be the only one who didn't -- |
| 20177 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
Dwight, let me see your coffee cup. |
| 20178 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 20179 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
Is that it? |
| 20180 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
No. Why? No. |
| 20181 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
OK, I'm gonna assume that was it. Here's the thing: I think you're right. I think it was Kelly. I think she's mad at us for not coming to her party. |
| 20182 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
Oh, man, I knew it. Who are her co-conspirators? |
| 20183 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
Probably just Kelly. |
| 20184 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
Obviously. I knew it. |
| 20185 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
That's what I'm saying. |
| 20186 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
Yeah. What? |
| 20187 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
You were right. |
| 20188 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
I was -- I was right. |
| 20189 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
You were right. |
| 20190 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
I was right. |
| 20191 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
You knew it. |
| 20192 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
I knew it. |
| 20193 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
You knew it the whole time, buddy. |
| 20194 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
I knew it the whole time, buddy! |
| 20195 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 20196 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3330 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Woo-hoo! |
| 20197 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3331 |
Pam |
Right Dwight is loud. |
| 20198 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3332 |
Dwight |
I knew it! Yeah! Ha-ha! Woo! Boom! Kelly the whole time. Let's get her. |
| 20199 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3332 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Let's talk about this. |
| 20200 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
What's going on? |
| 20201 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
Why don't you tell us? |
| 20202 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
Nothing's going on. |
| 20203 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Dwight |
Let me paint you a picture of a little girl from southern India, who despite being welcomed into this country will now spend the rest of her life in prison for a crime she did commit. |
| 20204 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
Dwight. I was informed by these gentlemen that the reports that you filed may not entirely be accurate. |
| 20205 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
What? I -- I don't know what you're talking about. This is the first I'm hearing about this. |
| 20206 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Dwight |
Oh, come on. You juked the stats, cupcake. |
| 20207 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Jim |
We called about a dozen customers, and they all said that they gave us great marks. |
| 20208 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
What's going on? |
| 20209 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
I love your tie, Michael. |
| 20210 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
Kelly. |
| 20211 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
I was raped. |
| 20212 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
You cannot say "I was raped" and expect all of your problems to go away, Kelly. Not again. Don't keep doing that. I'll give you one last chance to come clean. Just tell me what happened. |
| 20213 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
OK, all right. OK, I did it. All right? I lied, whatever. Just fire me. But you know what? I did it because you guys didn't come to my party, and you said you would try to and then you didn't even show up, and so you're bad friends. |
| 20214 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Dwight |
We have our confession. I'm calling security. |
| 20215 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
Don't. Don't. Get away from that, Dwight, please. You know what? She's got a point about you two. You do have a problem dealing with people. |
| 20216 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
See? I wasn't lying. |
| 20217 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
You were lying. |
| 20218 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
I was lying. |
| 20219 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
Yes. Jim, Dwight, please excuse us. |
| 20220 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Dwight |
I want to be here when you fire her ass. |
| 20221 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
I will call you when it is time. |
| 20222 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. And I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities. Here's what we're gonna do. We are going to sit here for a while, make it look good. And maybe you should cry. Can you make yourself cry? |
| 20223 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Kelly |
No problem. |
| 20224 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3333 |
Michael |
I think you should do that. |
| 20225 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
Pam Beesley? |
| 20226 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
Hey, what are you doing here? |
| 20227 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Jim |
Who's that? |
| 20228 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
It's Alex. |
| 20229 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
It's Pam. Uh, I came to kidnap you. There's free wine and cheese at the Chuck Close retrospective. Let's go. |
| 20230 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Jim |
Oh, that's gonna be great. Who's Chuck Close? |
| 20231 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
Oh, I love Chuck Close and his photo-realist paintings. But I have to work. |
| 20232 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
Uh, well, actually there's something else I'd love to talk to you about. Can we go somewhere else to talk about it? |
| 20233 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 20234 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Jim |
That's it. I want to talk to this guy. Put me in his ear. |
| 20235 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
Um. |
| 20236 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
What's up? |
| 20237 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
I'm gonna take a big leap and I want to tell you that I think you should not move back to Scranton. |
| 20238 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 20239 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Jim |
I'm gonna make a bigger leap here. He is into you. |
| 20240 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
Why did you come to New York in the first place? |
| 20241 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
Because they have a great design program, and I wanted to see if I was any good at it. And I wanted to work on my art, too. |
| 20242 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
Right. And that's why I think that you should stay here. Because I mean, you -- really you just got here, you know? You can't do New York in three months. You know, it has everything. It has -- all the opportunity is here. All the -- the whole art scene is in New York. You know, it would be nuts to go back to Scranton without getting to fully experience it. |
| 20243 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
Jim's in Scranton. |
| 20244 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
I know. But all I'm saying is, if there's even a teeny, tiny part of you that really wants to be an artist, then I think you should stay here, because you don't want to wake up in 50 years and look back and wonder what could have been. And that is the end of my speech. I planned it all. Anyway ... I will see you tomorrow. |
| 20245 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Pam |
I'll see you tomorrow. |
| 20246 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3334 |
Alex |
OK. |
| 20247 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3335 |
Dwight |
Is that the Matsuhashi B-400? The world's tiniest Bluetooth? May I? |
| 20248 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3335 |
Jim |
Don't. |
| 20249 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms for your wedding. |
| 20250 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
We haven't decided on anything yet. We're still reviewing some options, and it's gonna come down to the numbers. |
| 20251 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
Well, then. Why don't you look over some of our materials? |
| 20252 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
Oh. Hmm. |
| 20253 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
While I describe to you the Excalibur package. In addition to the breathtaking natural beauty and smell of Schrute Farms, I can promise you that our grounds can be catered to fit your exact specifications. I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by, any time of the day or night. |
| 20254 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
That's very generous. |
| 20255 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
While you, my good friend, have nothing more to worry about. This wedding is officially out of your hands. |
| 20256 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
Oh, thank the good Lord. Deal! |
| 20257 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
OK. |
| 20258 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
Um, what are we talking price wise? |
| 20259 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Dwight |
You already said deal. |
| 20260 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Angela |
Pay him whatever he wants. |
| 20261 |
5 |
7 |
Customer Survey |
3336 |
Andy |
Can't argue with that. Dwight ... You are going to make us so happy. |
| 20262 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Michael |
Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite. |
| 20263 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Jim |
Why are you telling us this? |
| 20264 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Michael |
I am jetting off on an international business trip. |
| 20265 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Jim |
Where are you going? |
| 20266 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Michael |
To Can-A-da. |
| 20267 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Jim |
Where is it? |
| 20268 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Michael |
Canada. |
| 20269 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3337 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 20270 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3338 |
Michael |
My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client and I have always been intrigued by all things international. The women, the pancakes, the man of mystery... |
| 20271 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3339 |
Michael |
Meredith, I would like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi. |
| 20272 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3339 |
Meredith |
Hello. |
| 20273 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3339 |
Michael |
I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. You are now sexy in your culture. |
| 20274 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3340 |
Kevin |
T minus... |
| 20275 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3340 |
Jim |
Six point five days. |
| 20276 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3340 |
Creed |
One more week. |
| 20277 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3341 |
Jim |
Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird. |
| 20278 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3342 |
Phyllis |
On more week. |
| 20279 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3342 |
Stanley |
Heh heh. |
| 20280 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
David Wallace |
Do you have your passport? |
| 20281 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
Michael |
I have my passport. |
| 20282 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
David Wallace |
Got your per diem? |
| 20283 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
Michael |
I have my per diem. I already know what I am going to spend this on. I am going to buy a sweater. |
| 20284 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
David Wallace |
Michael, the... that's for your food. |
| 20285 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3343 |
Michael |
Well I'll just... I'll use different money for that. |
| 20286 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3344 |
David Wallace |
I was happy to send Michael on this trip. He's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer Holly up to New Hampshire. But this little perk really seemed to turn him around. And it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to Winnipeg mid-November. |
| 20287 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3345 |
Michael |
And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best. Actually better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people and to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce. |
| 20288 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3345 |
David Wallace |
Well, I'm just glad to know you're happy because you know I felt bad. |
| 20289 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3345 |
Michael |
Well that is all in the past. |
| 20290 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3345 |
David Wallace |
And in terms of nightlife, when you get there just ask the concierge. |
| 20291 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3345 |
Michael |
They have one of those? |
| 20292 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Lets do this! |
| 20293 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Dwight |
Wait, why do you need three suitcases? |
| 20294 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Two are for souvenirs. |
| 20295 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Dwight |
Do you have your money belt? |
| 20296 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
I do. It's right here. |
| 20297 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no. You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra. |
| 20298 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
No, I don't want to wear a bra. |
| 20299 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Dwight |
Here, let me help you. |
| 20300 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Stop it! Stop it! |
| 20301 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Dwight |
Do you want to get robbed in a foreign country? I wash my hands of this. |
| 20302 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Okay. Where is my translator? |
| 20303 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Andy |
Monsieur. |
| 20304 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
There he is. |
| 20305 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Andy |
I'm just bidding a bon voyage a La Mon Petit fiancee. Translation: Goodbye my petite fiancee. |
| 20306 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Angela |
Be good. |
| 20307 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Andy |
I will try. |
| 20308 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Angela |
Meaning what? |
| 20309 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Andy |
Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid. |
| 20310 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. That could be you if you hadn't forgotten French. Where is my numbers man? |
| 20311 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Oscar |
Here. |
| 20312 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
There we go. Our town car awaits. |
| 20313 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Meredith |
It's just a van. |
| 20314 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Its not just a van. |
| 20315 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Meredith |
Look, I know my way around a van. That is just a van. |
| 20316 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3346 |
Michael |
Dwight, can you get those please? |
| 20317 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Welcome to Cribs-the business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa. |
| 20318 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Ah... sweet! |
| 20319 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Handed to me as I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet. |
| 20320 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Michael Gary Scott rolling like a pimp! |
| 20321 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Take a sip of that. |
| 20322 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Mmmhmmm... |
| 20323 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
That good? |
| 20324 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Mmmm... |
| 20325 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Don't drink all of it. Give some to Oscar. |
| 20326 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
That's really good. |
| 20327 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Oscar |
I'm good. |
| 20328 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
You want one of your own? I can hook you up. |
| 20329 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Stewardess |
I'm sorry. You'll need to keep moving. |
| 20330 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Yes, this is Beth. This is my personal valet/flight attendant and she will be helping me this morning. |
| 20331 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Beth |
We need to keep the isle clear. |
| 20332 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Yes... |
| 20333 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Oh... |
| 20334 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Get back, get back. Come on, get back to the slums. |
| 20335 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Oh boy. |
| 20336 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Hey... guys, check it out. My own personal DVD player and 20 movies. |
| 20337 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Oscar |
Andy brought one too. |
| 20338 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Andy |
Harry and the Henderson's |
| 20339 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Shhhh! Keep it down. |
| 20340 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Oscar |
I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one? |
| 20341 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar. Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop in there too, to share with everybody? No, I will be ordering my own food, thank you very much. |
| 20342 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 20343 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Beth |
Hi. |
| 20344 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Um. I'd like to see a menu please. |
| 20345 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Beth |
Oh, I'm sorry. There are no meals on flights less than two hours. |
| 20346 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Michael |
Oh... okay. Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap. I think I am going to use my complimentary blindfold. I will don it... and oh! Look at that. I can't see because I am in a-- GAH! |
| 20347 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3347 |
Beth |
What would you like to drink? |
| 20348 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3348 |
Ryan |
Just checking out where I'm going to be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension. |
| 20349 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3348 |
Kelly |
For you. I'm with Darryl. |
| 20350 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3348 |
Ryan |
This looks like where I'll probably do my pushups every day. |
| 20351 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3348 |
Kelly |
Is that supposed to impress me? |
| 20352 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3349 |
Kelly |
No. Not going to happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship so I'm not gonna flaunt it and I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed. |
| 20353 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3350 |
Kelly |
What are we doing? This is so wrong. |
| 20354 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3350 |
Ryan |
Yeah... Mmmmm... |
| 20355 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
This is nice. This is nice. Move in here. Very sweet... ah. |
| 20356 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Oscar |
I'll check us in. |
| 20357 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 20358 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
Very cool. |
| 20359 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Very cool. |
| 20360 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
We are going to find out where the action is, my friend. |
| 20361 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 20362 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
Where's the concierge? |
| 20363 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those. |
| 20364 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
Mmm... bingo! Follow moi, bro-sieur. |
| 20365 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Wow! |
| 20366 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view? |
| 20367 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Concierge |
Tsk... Oh. Matsuki. That's a good one. Uh, you may walk there if you wish or you man take the number seventeen bus until 9:00. Other than that you can take the taxi and the number is right there. |
| 20368 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Michael |
Wow! Wow, I am blown away by this. I, um... I--ah! This is great, thank you! |
| 20369 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
One final question. Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight? |
| 20370 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Concierge |
Oh, the Huntsman is good. |
| 20371 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Andy |
The Huntsman. |
| 20372 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3351 |
Concierge |
Down here... the financial district. |
| 20373 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3352 |
Michael |
A concierge is like the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered. |
| 20374 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
Can't believe this. |
| 20375 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Are you sure? |
| 20376 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
I just talked to my advisor. Failing. |
| 20377 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Wow. I thought you were good at Flash. |
| 20378 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
I was, and then they switched to Acrobat just as I was learning Quark. I hate computers. |
| 20379 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Okay, okay, it's no big deal. So you're not a computer geek. |
| 20380 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
I have to stay and retake it. |
| 20381 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
W---Wow. Um. Well... okay. |
| 20382 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
That means another twelve weeks. Can you do this for another three months? |
| 20383 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
It's not--- It's not about me. I mean, this your dream. |
| 20384 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 20385 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
And you went to New York to do this. So when you come back you come back the right way. Right? |
| 20386 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
Right. |
| 20387 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
You okay? |
| 20388 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
Yeah I'm fine. Um... my cell phone battery's low, so I have to let you go. |
| 20389 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 20390 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
Alright. |
| 20391 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 20392 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Pam |
Love you. Bye. |
| 20393 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3353 |
Jim |
Love you too. |
| 20394 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Guys, she's in there. |
| 20395 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Andy |
Engaging wings |
| 20396 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Oscar |
I'm probably going to leave after one drink. |
| 20397 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Let's do this. |
| 20398 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Andy |
Yeah with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand. |
| 20399 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Excuse me, hello. Concierge Marie. Michael Scott. Good to see you again. |
| 20400 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Marie |
Good to see you. |
| 20401 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Um, this is my associate uh, from Dunder Mifflin, uh, Oscar Martinez. |
| 20402 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Oscar |
Nice to meet you. |
| 20403 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Marie |
Oscar. |
| 20404 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Works in accounting. This is uh, concierge Marie... |
| 20405 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 20406 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
...who works at our hotel. You look, how do you say, radiant tonight. |
| 20407 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Marie |
Thank you. |
| 20408 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
And it is, how do you say, a beautiful night--- |
| 20409 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Oscar |
Michael, why? |
| 20410 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
She's foreign. I am-- |
| 20411 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Andy |
For Madame et monsieur. |
| 20412 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. |
| 20413 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Andy |
You're welcome. |
| 20414 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Michael |
Thank you, Andy. |
| 20415 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Marie |
Thank you? |
| 20416 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3354 |
Andy |
Let me get a picture of you guys. |
| 20417 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3355 |
Michael |
Everyone is going to end up dying someday. And I think it's better to die with people you like... like Oscar, and Andy, and concierge Marie... than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with. |
| 20418 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3356 |
Andy |
Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked. |
| 20419 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3356 |
Oscar |
How do you even know they're gay? |
| 20420 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3356 |
Andy |
Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait. Bad decision in a glass. |
| 20421 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3357 |
Andy |
I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged... whatever. A guy needs intercourse. |
| 20422 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
You'll thank me when they spank thee. |
| 20423 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Oscar |
Don't do this. |
| 20424 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
Do you guys like apples? |
| 20425 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Guy at table |
What? |
| 20426 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
Do you like apples? |
| 20427 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Guy at table |
Uh, sorry... what? |
| 20428 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that dude? |
| 20429 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Guy at table |
Is he your boyfriend or something? |
| 20430 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right. |
| 20431 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Guy |
Dude, leave us alone alright? |
| 20432 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
Gentleman. |
| 20433 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Oscar |
What are you doing? |
| 20434 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3358 |
Andy |
Dude, you struck out. They're totally stuck up. Here... drink up. |
| 20435 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3359 |
Michael |
How about this one? It's Christmas eve--- |
| 20436 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3359 |
Concierge Marie |
Mmm-hmmm... |
| 20437 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3359 |
Michael |
---and everything's closed and you need to get some dry cleaning done. 12:00 midnight. Where do you go? What do you do? What do you do? Come on! What do you do? |
| 20438 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3359 |
Marie |
Uh...A stro cleaners on St. Johns place is the only place open on that day. |
| 20439 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3359 |
Michael |
Unbelievable! Unbelievable. |
| 20440 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
If you don't mind me asking--- |
| 20441 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Anything. You can ask me anything. |
| 20442 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 20443 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
I'm your wingman. |
| 20444 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Its just that I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time. |
| 20445 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Right-o. |
| 20446 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
How could anyone stand that woman? |
| 20447 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
What? |
| 20448 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
What do you see in her? Wh -- what do you see in Angela? |
| 20449 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
What do I see in Angela? |
| 20450 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
I want to know. |
| 20451 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have s*x with her. |
| 20452 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
You haven't had s*x? |
| 20453 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
No. |
| 20454 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Y--Are you guys waiting to get married, or? |
| 20455 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for. |
| 20456 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Andy, something is wrong with that woman. |
| 20457 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
What is wrong with her? |
| 20458 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
I'd like to know. You should call her and ask her. I'd like to know what's wrong with her. |
| 20459 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her? |
| 20460 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Do it! It's a--- Call her! Oh my God, don't call her! Don't call her, Andy. Andy, don't call her! |
| 20461 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Too late, too late. It's dialing... now it's ringing. Shh... |
| 20462 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
Hello? Hello? |
| 20463 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
What is wrong with you? |
| 20464 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Oscar |
Why won't you do Andy? |
| 20465 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
What? |
| 20466 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question. |
| 20467 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
Are you drunk? |
| 20468 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
This is Andy Bernard! |
| 20469 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
I know who this is! |
| 20470 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
I wanna take you to s*x school. |
| 20471 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
What? |
| 20472 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Dwight |
Who is that monkey? |
| 20473 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Is somebody there? |
| 20474 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
Are you drunk? |
| 20475 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
I have needs. |
| 20476 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
We will discuss this later. |
| 20477 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
Naked. |
| 20478 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Angela |
What? |
| 20479 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3360 |
Andy |
We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked. |
| 20480 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3361 |
Michael |
Do you want to get some breakfast or something? |
| 20481 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3361 |
Concierge Marie |
I am so tired. |
| 20482 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3361 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 20483 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Jim |
How does everyone know already? |
| 20484 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
Know what? |
| 20485 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Meredith |
Pam failed art school. |
| 20486 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
Oh, well, doesn't surprise me. |
| 20487 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Jim |
Excuse me? |
| 20488 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions. |
| 20489 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Phyllis |
Dwight, stop it. |
| 20490 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Stanley |
Dwight. |
| 20491 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
What? Are there two suns? |
| 20492 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Meredith |
Come on. |
| 20493 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Stanley |
Oh my God. |
| 20494 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
Last I checked, that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy. |
| 20495 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Jim |
I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee. |
| 20496 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3362 |
Dwight |
It's totally unrealistic. There are no lines in the parking lot. |
| 20497 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
Oscar |
| 20498 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Hey. |
| 20499 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
That was fun last night. |
| 20500 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Yeah, it was. |
| 20501 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
You know, it's true what they say--- Long Island iced teas are way stronger in Canada. |
| 20502 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Hey, um... thanks for trying to hook me up. |
| 20503 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
You kidding me? It's what I do. Get the whole nine 'nards. |
| 20504 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
I can't believe we called her up. |
| 20505 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
Totally. What--- Who? |
| 20506 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night. |
| 20507 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
We called Angela? |
| 20508 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
You--- you call--- you called her. |
| 20509 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
That was real?! I thought I dreamed that. Oh, God! |
| 20510 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Alright. |
| 20511 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
Oh, God! |
| 20512 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 20513 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Andy |
So bad! |
| 20514 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Oscar |
Good morning, Michael. Are you ready for the meeting? |
| 20515 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3363 |
Michael |
Slept like a baby. |
| 20516 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Mmmm.... mmm. This can't happen again. |
| 20517 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
This has to happen again. Darryl can't happen again. Look at me. Do you want me to do more push-ups? |
| 20518 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Yeah. |
| 20519 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
Okay. You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press "send". |
| 20520 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just--- |
| 20521 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
Has to be done. We'll press send together. |
| 20522 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Oh my God. He's going to kill us. |
| 20523 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
I'd like to see him try. |
| 20524 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Oh! He says it's cool. He said, "It's cool". |
| 20525 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
That's all he wrote? |
| 20526 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
That's all he wrote. |
| 20527 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
Can I see it? |
| 20528 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Mmm hmm. |
| 20529 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Ryan |
Didn't you two date for like a long time? |
| 20530 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3364 |
Kelly |
Mmm hmm. It's like a fairy tale! Mmmm... |
| 20531 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3365 |
Client |
I'll be honest with you--- we've been talking with Catalyst Paper. Their prices are better than yours. |
| 20532 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3365 |
Michael |
Look, people continue to come back to us time and time again because they feel cared for here. They feel respected and they feel that their needs matter. They are treated like human beings. |
| 20533 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3365 |
Client |
Everything okay? |
| 20534 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3365 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20535 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
Oh man, she is so pissed. |
| 20536 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Oscar |
Mmm... |
| 20537 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
She's taking us back to first base. |
| 20538 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Oscar |
What is first base with Angela? |
| 20539 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
I get to kiss her forehead. I had a good time hanging out this weekend. |
| 20540 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Oscar |
I had a good time too. |
| 20541 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
Wingman for life. W.M.F.L |
| 20542 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Oscar |
Thank you. |
| 20543 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
You up for a chest bump? |
| 20544 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 20545 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3366 |
Andy |
Bro hug? Back to basics. I like it. |
| 20546 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3367 |
Andy |
I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits 20 feet away from me. And he's delightful! |
| 20547 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Hey! I just heard you guys made the sale. |
| 20548 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
Yeah, we locked him up for two years. |
| 20549 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Good, very good. See, told you. Sounds like somebody had a good trip. |
| 20550 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
No. Actually the trip sucked. |
| 20551 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Excuse me? |
| 20552 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
The trip sucked, David. It blew chunks. It was terrible. It was a bad trip. |
| 20553 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
What are you talking about? |
| 20554 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
I did not like the trip. Well, starting with her airport shuttle which was basically just a van. |
| 20555 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Okay. |
| 20556 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
And business class which was basically just coach. And the hotel which sucked big time. |
| 20557 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
The hotel? What, M--- okay. |
| 20558 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
It was not, it sucked. |
| 20559 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
I'm sorry to hear the hotel was bad. |
| 20560 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
Oh and thanks for the tip on the concerige. That was great. That was great. That was--- that was a--- |
| 20561 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey. |
| 20562 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
That was a really good choice. |
| 20563 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Michael, please lets listen for a second. |
| 20564 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
No, David. You listen to me. Why did you send her away? That--- God. You knew I liked her and you just sent her away. And that--- that was a sucky thing to do man. |
| 20565 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Michael, sometimes--- |
| 20566 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
Michael |
That was a really sucky thing to do. |
| 20567 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3368 |
David Wallace |
Sometimes, we-- |
| 20568 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3369 |
Michael |
Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you, even though you just tell him off... right to his face... over the hone. That's respect. |
| 20569 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3370 |
Kevin |
You did it, man. Day one. Congrats. |
| 20570 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3370 |
Jim |
Thanks man. |
| 20571 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Pam |
I'm coming back the wrong way. It's not because of you. I don't like graphic design. That's it. Stop smiling. I really didn't like it. It's just designing logos and stuff.... and I miss Scranton. But it is not because I missed you. I just really wanted to come home... and I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do. Got it? |
| 20572 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Jim |
I missed you. |
| 20573 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Pam |
I missed you too. |
| 20574 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Dwight |
You're back. |
| 20575 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Pam |
Uh, yeah. |
| 20576 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Dwight |
Good. I need you to make five copies of these. |
| 20577 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Pam |
I'm not going inside. |
| 20578 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Dwight |
Alright. First thing in the morning then. |
| 20579 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3371 |
Jim |
Welcome back. |
| 20580 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Kelly |
We're back together again baby. |
| 20581 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Ryan |
We're back. |
| 20582 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Kelly |
They tried to keep us apart, but they couldnt. It was like destiny. |
| 20583 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Ryan |
I--- I realized that for whatever reason I... just couldn't do better than kelly. |
| 20584 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Kelly |
Oh! |
| 20585 |
5 |
8 |
Business Trip |
3372 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 20586 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Angela |
Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue? |
| 20587 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 20588 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Dwight |
Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerkie. |
| 20589 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
So why did you come in here? |
| 20590 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Dwight |
To socialize. And inform. |
| 20591 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Oh brownies! I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on, much healthier. |
| 20592 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Ryan |
You're taking two? |
| 20593 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Kelly |
Yeah, um, but one of them is for Toby. |
| 20594 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Yeah why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica? |
| 20595 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Kelly |
Um, I'm just gonna hand it to him right now. |
| 20596 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Heh, okay, weirdo. |
| 20597 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
Why is that, why is that weird? |
| 20598 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
She said she was going to give it to him right now. |
| 20599 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other. |
| 20600 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Yeah, they used to. |
| 20601 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
Toby works here again. |
| 20602 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Oh, can you imagine? |
| 20603 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
Oh no. |
| 20604 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Uhhgh. |
| 20605 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
You don't know. |
| 20606 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
I don't know. What? |
| 20607 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Jim |
You should probably just meander back there; take a look. See if he's, see if he's back. |
| 20608 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
Hmmm, dare I? You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex. |
| 20609 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Toby |
Hi, Micha- |
| 20610 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3373 |
Michael |
NOOOO! GOD! No, God, please no! No! No! NOOO! |
| 20611 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3374 |
Michael |
Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid... tan. No. |
| 20612 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3374 |
Dwight |
He looks great. |
| 20613 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3374 |
Michael |
No. |
| 20614 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3374 |
Dwight |
Well rested. |
| 20615 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3374 |
Michael |
He looks worse. |
| 20616 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
David |
Michael, is everyone okay? |
| 20617 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
Michael |
Uh, well I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson, of H.R., has made a sudden reappearance. |
| 20618 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
David |
I don't understand, is anyone hurt? |
| 20619 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
Michael |
Not on the surface, no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David. |
| 20620 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
David |
Michael, you texted me, 911 CALL ME. |
| 20621 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20622 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3375 |
David |
All in caps. Do you know what 911 means? |
| 20623 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3376 |
Michael |
I learned a while back that if I don't text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened. |
| 20624 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire a week without knowing a member of your staff was there. |
| 20625 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved. |
| 20626 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Dwight |
Also, it's icky back there. |
| 20627 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
That's true. People say it's icky. |
| 20628 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
Okay, I have to go. |
| 20629 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
David, wait. |
| 20630 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
No. |
| 20631 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
Is there no way we can get rid of him? |
| 20632 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
Not without cause, Michael. |
| 20633 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him. |
| 20634 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
You have to get along with Toby. |
| 20635 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
No. |
| 20636 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
Yep. |
| 20637 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
I don't. |
| 20638 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
David |
Goodbye, Michael. |
| 20639 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3377 |
Michael |
Don't do that. |
| 20640 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3378 |
Pam |
Oh, come on! Do you see this? Disgusting. |
| 20641 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Andy |
So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place? |
| 20642 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Jim |
Yeah, I am. Wait, how do you know that? I didn't tell you that. |
| 20643 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Andy |
Ehhh no, I was just walking by your desk. I saw some email. I got peepers of an eagle. |
| 20644 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Jim |
That's really not cool. |
| 20645 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Andy |
Kaaw! |
| 20646 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Kevin |
So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in? |
| 20647 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3379 |
Jim |
Yeah, I guess technically Kev, you're right. |
| 20648 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3380 |
Jim |
Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parent's house, the house I grew up in and yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean you can't blame my parents it was the 70's. And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling? And a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building. She's gonna love it. Right? |
| 20649 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Jim |
Could you guys all do me a favor and not talk about this until I tell Pam? |
| 20650 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Andy |
Whoa, you haven't told the misses about the castle? You're in for a spanking my friend. Myself and my lady? - no secrets. |
| 20651 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Phyllis |
Jim, don't listen to Andy. I think it's so romantic. |
| 20652 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Jim |
Oh thanks, Phyllis. |
| 20653 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Phyllis |
Where's your place? |
| 20654 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Jim |
Oh, it's on uh Linden Ave? By the quarry? |
| 20655 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Phyllis |
Ohhh... |
| 20656 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Creed |
Cool beans, man, I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there. |
| 20657 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3381 |
Jim |
Definitely we should. |
| 20658 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Oscar |
"To whoever made the microwave mess: the microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed." |
| 20659 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Andy |
That is just obnoxious. |
| 20660 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Oscar |
No kidding. |
| 20661 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Pam |
Yeah. Wait, what, the mess or the note? |
| 20662 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Oscar |
The note. So "holier than thou". |
| 20663 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Angela |
Hmm, I liked it. |
| 20664 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Pam |
Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one? |
| 20665 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Andy |
No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess. |
| 20666 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Meredith |
Sincerely, disappointed? Get off your high horse, Richie. |
| 20667 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Pam |
Just because someone likes things clean, doesn't mean they're rich. |
| 20668 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3382 |
Meredith |
Yeh, they're rich. |
| 20669 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
You want to see some really high caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. Hey Toby, great to have you back, man. Seriously, just a, just a real pleasure to see you again. |
| 20670 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
Well thanks Michael. |
| 20671 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family. |
| 20672 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
Well that's sweet, I missed you guys too. |
| 20673 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun. |
| 20674 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
Well, um, it was amazing. It really was, thanks for asking. Um the beaches were pristine... |
| 20675 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
Nice beaches, pristine beaches? |
| 20676 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
...and, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly cathartic. |
| 20677 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay? |
| 20678 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
It was actually kind of hard to meet people I found. |
| 20679 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
I bet, for you. |
| 20680 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
And uh, yeah, plus it was hot. |
| 20681 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
Shhh hot, why didn't you get an air-condition--- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself. |
| 20682 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Toby |
Are you all right, Michael? |
| 20683 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3383 |
Michael |
Yeah, I am. I am. |
| 20684 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3384 |
Michael |
I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Sream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then, the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them. |
| 20685 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
Okay, just summarize. |
| 20686 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Okay, fireable offenses include: workplace violence and sexual harassment. |
| 20687 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
That's it, that's it, perfect. We will get him to hit on somebody, and then we will catch him in the act. |
| 20688 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors. |
| 20689 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
Mm. Me too. Okay, let's get this started. |
| 20690 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Okay |
| 20691 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 20692 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
I am the bait. |
| 20693 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
For what? |
| 20694 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Men find me desirable. |
| 20695 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
No, no, no. |
| 20696 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Oh, it's a good day too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt. |
| 20697 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
You're the bait for Toby? |
| 20698 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Mmhmm. |
| 20699 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
No, for one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait it would be Jim. Or Ryan. Or me. |
| 20700 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Dwight |
Men find me desirable. |
| 20701 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3385 |
Michael |
Yes, sure they do, Dwight. |
| 20702 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. I should have written that. |
| 20703 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Jim |
Mmhmm, yeah. |
| 20704 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
Why aren't you as mad or interested in this as me? |
| 20705 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Jim |
Oh totally. Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still? |
| 20706 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
Are you inching away from me? |
| 20707 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Jim |
No. |
| 20708 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
Reach your arms out. |
| 20709 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Jim |
I'm always this close. |
| 20710 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Michael |
Pamtown lady sing this song, doo-dah doo-dah. Hello, Pam. Jim may I have a moment with Pam please. |
| 20711 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Jim |
Yes, I just have to take this call anyway so... |
| 20712 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Michael |
Oh, oooh his mistress. No. I'm kidding. No one would ever cheat on you; you are the complete package, Pam. |
| 20713 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
What do you need, Michael? |
| 20714 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Michael |
Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note, and deliver it to Toby Flenderson? I just want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. Do not read it beforehand. Can you do that for me? |
| 20715 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Michael |
Good. N-no no no, don't. |
| 20716 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Pam |
"Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle. I'm too shy to tell you that I love you." |
| 20717 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3386 |
Michael |
Pam. Pam, you gave me your word. |
| 20718 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
You did that for me? |
| 20719 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Kelly |
Mmhmm. |
| 20720 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
Are you happy you did? |
| 20721 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Toby |
Hey guys that's really inappropriate. |
| 20722 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
What's up? |
| 20723 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Um, I got some photos from Costa Rica if you want to see them? |
| 20724 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
Yeah, yeah I'll see them. |
| 20725 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Toby can I see those? Ooh. What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared? |
| 20726 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Those are fighting words. |
| 20727 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
You mad? You mad at me? |
| 20728 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you. |
| 20729 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Do you want to do that? You want to hit me, you want to punch me? |
| 20730 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Hmmm? |
| 20731 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Huh? He might do it... |
| 20732 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Kelly |
Punch him, Toby! |
| 20733 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
I dare you to. Come on. |
| 20734 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Come on. Baaah! |
| 20735 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
What's the matter... haaaww! |
| 20736 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Hit him! Hit him, Chicken. |
| 20737 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
Yeah, punch him. |
| 20738 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on? |
| 20739 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Ryan. Come on, man? |
| 20740 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
No do it, do it. I dare you. |
| 20741 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face. |
| 20742 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon... |
| 20743 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Toby |
I'm not going to punch you, Michael. |
| 20744 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Dwight |
Are you really not going to punch him? |
| 20745 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Toby |
No, why would I punch you? |
| 20746 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Michael |
Son of a bitch. |
| 20747 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3387 |
Ryan |
You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man. |
| 20748 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Dwight |
I thought you were going to parcel those out through the day |
| 20749 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Michael |
Just stop it. You haven't done anything helpful all day. |
| 20750 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Dwight |
There's still one thing we could do to get Toby fired. |
| 20751 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Michael |
What's that? |
| 20752 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Dwight |
Frame him, for using drugs. |
| 20753 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Michael |
Frame him? |
| 20754 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Dwight |
Yeah, it's illegal, but... everything they do on The Shield is illegal. |
| 20755 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Michael |
I've never framed a man before, have you? |
| 20756 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Dwight |
Oh I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage. |
| 20757 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3388 |
Michael |
Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes the ends justify the mean. |
| 20758 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
Hello. I've seen you guys around. I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. How you doing? Uhghh, so I guess you know why I'm here? I need to purchase something. |
| 20759 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
A fridge? |
| 20760 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
No. Uh, I wanted--- I wanted to buy some weed? Some... |
| 20761 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
What? |
| 20762 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
Grass, weed? |
| 20763 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Leo |
What makes you think we'd have weed? |
| 20764 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
I heard you drug--- I heard you dealt. |
| 20765 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
Hey, just hold on one second. |
| 20766 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
I'm not wearing a wire, so... |
| 20767 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Leo |
Why would you even say that? |
| 20768 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
Hey, that's gonna be 500 dollars. |
| 20769 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Michael |
How much? How many pounds is it? |
| 20770 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
It's- it's two pounds. I'm losing money on this man just, give me the money. Alright, walk away. |
| 20771 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Leo |
Walk away. |
| 20772 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3389 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy |
Walk away. |
| 20773 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know; I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation. |
| 20774 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 20775 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
I was just back there, to make some cup-o-soup; the thing is still a huge mess. |
| 20776 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Pam |
I know, can you believe it? |
| 20777 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
Yeah, it's crazy. But, I guess the thing is at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get there and clean it up. |
| 20778 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Pam |
I guess that's why we have a temp, huh? |
| 20779 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
Ah ha ha, oh no, trust me. I would just make it worse. |
| 20780 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Pam |
How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse? |
| 20781 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
I--- I would find a way. |
| 20782 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Pam |
You've seen things cleaned before though, right? |
| 20783 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3390 |
Ryan |
I--- Pam, I am hopeless at that stuff I... I, uh... |
| 20784 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3391 |
Kelly |
Hi, Michael. |
| 20785 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3391 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. I forgot... I forgot... |
| 20786 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3392 |
Dwight |
Yes, I repeat a drug dealer is on the premisis of Dunder Mifflin. His name is Toby Flenderson and he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. See you soon. |
| 20787 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3393 |
Police Officer 1 |
Hi, we received a call? |
| 20788 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3393 |
Pam |
I don't know anything about that. |
| 20789 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3393 |
Police Officer 1 |
We were tipped off about a possible narcotics situation. |
| 20790 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3393 |
Pam |
Here? |
| 20791 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3393 |
Dwight |
Hey, Pam. Hey I got this, okay? Hello, officers, Dwight Schrute, former volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Listen, I may have inside information that someone is hiding drugs in this very office. |
| 20792 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3394 |
Creed |
Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave. |
| 20793 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Those are real cops, real guns. I wonder what's going on. |
| 20794 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
Officers, I reveal to you the perpetrator. |
| 20795 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Hey, what is this? |
| 20796 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
Search his things. |
| 20797 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
Sir, can you step away from your desk please? |
| 20798 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Why? |
| 20799 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
Sir, please step away from your desk. |
| 20800 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Hey, what's going on? You don't have my permission to do this. |
| 20801 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
They don't need your permission, Flenderson, they've got the company's permission. |
| 20802 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Hey, hey what are- why are you doing this? |
| 20803 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Uh, you know what? I think that this... uh, this is probably a misunderstanding. |
| 20804 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Don't search my stuff. |
| 20805 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Sir? |
| 20806 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
I have a reasonable right to privacy. |
| 20807 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
Save your whining for the jury there, Flenderson. |
| 20808 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Michael! |
| 20809 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Yeah, let's just cancel this, okay? |
| 20810 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Sir, did you recently return from a trip to Central America? |
| 20811 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Oh my God! |
| 20812 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
No, no no no... No, no. |
| 20813 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
That was... I went to Costa Rica for a few months. What is going on? |
| 20814 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
No, that was... that was legitimate. That was totally legitimate. |
| 20815 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Really? |
| 20816 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
Check this out. |
| 20817 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Oh God! |
| 20818 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
That is not mine. I have never seen that before. |
| 20819 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
No, no no no no. |
| 20820 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Turn around. |
| 20821 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
What is going on here? |
| 20822 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
God! No, that's not... I don't know what that is. And I... I bet he has nothing to do with that! |
| 20823 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Do you have any weapons? |
| 20824 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Of course not! |
| 20825 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Ahh, that's mine. |
| 20826 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
No! Michael, no! |
| 20827 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Yes, it's mine. |
| 20828 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
Some basil. Salad dressing, I think. |
| 20829 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
Salad dressing? |
| 20830 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
Yeah it's, uh, a caprese salad. There's a little bit of, uh, mozerella right there. |
| 20831 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? That's my salad. |
| 20832 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
So wait a minute, there's no drugs? |
| 20833 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 2 |
No. |
| 20834 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
Gahh, dammit! Come on! |
| 20835 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
We got a fake tip. |
| 20836 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
Wait, officers, are you sure you don't want to interrogate him? |
| 20837 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Police Officer 1 |
No. |
| 20838 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Dwight |
You have laws that protect you in any kind of interrogation. Why don't you use them? |
| 20839 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
You must feel pretty good about yourself right now. |
| 20840 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
I didn't put caprese salad in my drawer, Michael. |
| 20841 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 20842 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
Did you? |
| 20843 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Since when is it illegal to put caprese salad... anywhere. |
| 20844 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Toby |
You know but the police could have been out there you know, catching real criminals instead of here searching my stuff. |
| 20845 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3395 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, that's who you're worried about? You're... you're worried about the cop's time? You think I framed you, and you're worried about the taxpayer? Dah, God! Welcome back, jerky jerk-face. |
| 20846 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Michael |
You said you were leaving and you made liars out of all of us. So... |
| 20847 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Toby |
I did leave. |
| 20848 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Michael |
Yes, you did. And then you came back, which makes you the biggest liar of... history. |
| 20849 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Toby |
Well, I don't see it that way. |
| 20850 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Michael |
Do you want to hear a lie? |
| 20851 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Toby |
What? |
| 20852 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3396 |
Michael |
I think you're great. You're my best friend. |
| 20853 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Ryan |
I can't do this. |
| 20854 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Kelly |
Can't do what? |
| 20855 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Ryan |
It's not fair to you. And it's really not fair to me. |
| 20856 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Kelly |
Wait, what are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you. |
| 20857 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Ryan |
That was your choice; don't put that on me. I'm just going on a little trip. |
| 20858 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Kelly |
Oh, can I come? |
| 20859 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Ryan |
It's not that kind of trip. I'm going to Thailand with some friends from high school, well, a high school. And if I don't do it now I'll never get to go. And I'll always resent you for it... you don't want me to resent you, do you? |
| 20860 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Kelly |
So you're dumping me? |
| 20861 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Ryan |
Let's be adults about this. Let's have s*x one more time. And if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing. |
| 20862 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3397 |
Kelly |
Okay? |
| 20863 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3398 |
Jim |
Hey, do you mind if we make a stop on the way home? |
| 20864 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3398 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 20865 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3398 |
Jim |
Cool. |
| 20866 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3399 |
Pam |
What are we doing at your parent's house? |
| 20867 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3399 |
Jim |
I have a surprise for you. All right, ready? Close your eyes and now open your eyes. Tadah! |
| 20868 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3399 |
Pam |
I don't get it. |
| 20869 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3399 |
Jim |
I bought it. It's ours. Let's go inside, I'll show you inside. So if you can believe it I did it without a realtor. Saving on closing costs is good and, uh, we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. Which I think will help, the color situation. Yeah, I am really sorry about this. I tried to move it but he is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft, I guess, lot of art theives in this neighborhood. This is the master bedroom but, I'm actually not allowed in here so... |
| 20870 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
So I'm still in the process of converting the garage. It's got great light in here and I'm thinking, it could be perfect for an art studio. Look, I know, I bought this without asking you and it's doesn't look great, I know that. And if you really hate it, I totally understand it's just--- |
| 20871 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
I love it. |
| 20872 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
You do? |
| 20873 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
Yeah, I love it! |
| 20874 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 20875 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
I mean, you bought me a house! |
| 20876 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
Oh my God... |
| 20877 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
You bought me a house! |
| 20878 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
Yeah, I did. |
| 20879 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
Um, do we have to sleep in your parent's bedroom? |
| 20880 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
No, No, we'll just board that up. It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about. |
| 20881 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Pam |
And the clown? |
| 20882 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3400 |
Jim |
Yeah, I can't... really can't move him. |
| 20883 |
5 |
9 |
Frame Toby |
3401 |
Dwight |
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier. |
| 20884 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
Here are our final actual costs for this year. |
| 20885 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Mmm... okay. |
| 20886 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
As you can see, we did pretty well, so... |
| 20887 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old. |
| 20888 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis... |
| 20889 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20890 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
Right there. |
| 20891 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
There's the x-ax...icks. |
| 20892 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300. |
| 20893 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Mmhmm, okay. |
| 20894 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget. |
| 20895 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five. |
| 20896 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars. |
| 20897 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Ho-oh! |
| 20898 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
So you have an extra dollar. |
| 20899 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 20900 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer... |
| 20901 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
I'll be six. |
| 20902 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
And you ask them for money, they're gonna give you nine dollars. 'Cause that's what they think it costs to run the stand. So what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand. |
| 20903 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
So the dollar's a surplus. This is a surplus. |
| 20904 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget. |
| 20905 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Whoo. |
| 20906 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Oscar |
We should spend this money on a new copier, which we desperately need. |
| 20907 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3402 |
Michael |
Okay, break it down in terms of, um... okay, I-I think I'm getting you... |
| 20908 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
Guess what, everybody? Christmas has come early this year. Oscar, very smartly, has discovered an extra $4300 in the budget. Thank you, Oscar. And I have decided with that money I am going to buy a new, drum roll please... Can anybody guess? |
| 20909 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
New chairs? |
| 20910 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
No, a new copier! Unless everybody can agree on something better? |
| 20911 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Oscar |
No, no, please. Please do not do this. |
| 20912 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
Yes, Michael, new chairs. These chairs are terrible. We were supposed to get new ones last year. |
| 20913 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
So... we all agree to get new chairs then. Good? |
| 20914 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
Good? Yeah, he said good, I'm good... |
| 20915 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Oscar |
Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine? |
| 20916 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
Oscar, no. This is not the time for one of your principled stands. |
| 20917 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Oscar |
Pam, you make more copies than anyone. |
| 20918 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
Exactly. That should tell you how terrible the chairs are. |
| 20919 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay, good suggestions. All good suggestions. Uh, let's just decide and agree upon one. |
| 20920 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Stanley |
I'm with Pam. Chairs. |
| 20921 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
Alright, so, teams forming. |
| 20922 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Toby |
We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below, we have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers. |
| 20923 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex. |
| 20924 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Toby |
You'll see. |
| 20925 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 20926 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20927 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
I've talked to Meredith, Stanley and Jim about the chairs. I know they're with me on this. |
| 20928 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Jim |
Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier. |
| 20929 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3403 |
Pam |
What? Jim. |
| 20930 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3404 |
Jim |
Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything. |
| 20931 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Meredith |
Jim, good for you, standing up to Pam like that. |
| 20932 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Creed |
The balls on you, man. |
| 20933 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Oscar |
So Michael, what do you think? |
| 20934 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Michael |
Why me? |
| 20935 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Jim |
You have to make the decision. |
| 20936 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3405 |
Michael |
Wow, okay. Well... I swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end. |
| 20937 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Andy |
Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms... |
| 20938 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
Yeah, do tell. |
| 20939 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Andy |
I mean, like, "156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left." |
| 20940 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
Mmhmm. |
| 20941 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Andy |
"Walk until you hear the beehive." |
| 20942 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
How could it be more clear? |
| 20943 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Angela |
I think Andy makes an excellent point. |
| 20944 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 20945 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Angela |
But my biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom. |
| 20946 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine. |
| 20947 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Angela |
Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench. |
| 20948 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Dwight |
Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on. |
| 20949 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3406 |
Andy |
Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan? |
| 20950 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3407 |
Andy |
We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit. |
| 20951 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 20952 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 20953 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
So um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing... |
| 20954 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Mmhmm. |
| 20955 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
I really think you should reconsider. |
| 20956 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier. |
| 20957 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
Yeah, I know. |
| 20958 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 20959 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
But I really think you should reconsider. |
| 20960 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Beesly, are you threatening me? |
| 20961 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Pam |
Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground . All right. |
| 20962 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3408 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 20963 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3409 |
Jim |
Whew. |
| 20964 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such. |
| 20965 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Andy |
Hmm... mm, what's that smell? |
| 20966 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
You're gonna need to be more specific. |
| 20967 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Angela |
Manure. Get rid of it. |
| 20968 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
Manure covers up the small of the slaughterhouse. |
| 20969 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Angela |
Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day? |
| 20970 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
You wanna eat, don't you? |
| 20971 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Angela |
Honey, say something! |
| 20972 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Andy |
Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before? |
| 20973 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
...I'll consider it. |
| 20974 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Andy |
See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. ...Darn! Heh. |
| 20975 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Dwight |
There's a hose out back. |
| 20976 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3410 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 20977 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Pam |
Remember, you were gonna get a new chair, and you were gonna give your old chair to me. Remember that? |
| 20978 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20979 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Pam |
Well that never happened. |
| 20980 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Oscar |
Michael? |
| 20981 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
I don't know. I haven't decided yet. |
| 20982 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Oscar |
I'm just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with? |
| 20983 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Really? Absolutely! Yeah, that would be amazing. |
| 20984 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
Woah, you guys going to lunch? |
| 20985 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 20986 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
Mind if I join? |
| 20987 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Ohh, God! |
| 20988 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 20989 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 20990 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
Let's go. |
| 20991 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
Best lunch ever! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! |
| 20992 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
Let's do it. |
| 20993 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
All right! Cool! |
| 20994 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Jim |
Where we going? |
| 20995 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3411 |
Michael |
I have no idea. |
| 20996 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3412 |
Pam |
So, I guess that's how they're gonna play this. It is on. It is so on. |
| 20997 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3413 |
Pam |
Look, I really need this new chair. I mean, seriously, how is it possible that in five years I've had two engagement rings, and only one chair? |
| 20998 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Oscar |
Stop it! Michael. |
| 20999 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Jim |
Michael, that is hilarious. |
| 21000 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Michael |
Oh, is somebody making fun of me? |
| 21001 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Oscar |
The best. Great friends. Thank you, Michael. |
| 21002 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Jim |
Ahh... I got you some tiramisu. No hard feelings. |
| 21003 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
Aww. |
| 21004 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 21005 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
That's cool. Mm, good stuff. |
| 21006 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Jim |
You look really pretty. |
| 21007 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 21008 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 21009 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 21010 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 21011 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 21012 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Michael |
Oh, hey. |
| 21013 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
You got a second? |
| 21014 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Michael |
I do. |
| 21015 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3414 |
Pam |
Oh, good. |
| 21016 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Oh, that must've been so fun. |
| 21017 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
it was fun. We had a good time. |
| 21018 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Hey, have I told you you look really nice today? |
| 21019 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. |
| 21020 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Yeah, is that a new tie? |
| 21021 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Um, no, not... no. No, I got it at TJ Maxx, four dollars. |
| 21022 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
That is amazing! |
| 21023 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
You think that's good? Check out these pants. Nine dollars. |
| 21024 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
What? |
| 21025 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Nine dollars. The boys' department. |
| 21026 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
No. |
| 21027 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Look at the ass. Check out the ass. |
| 21028 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
No way! |
| 21029 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Look at that. Unh. Unh-unh. |
| 21030 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Yeah! Oh, so I guess Oscar and Jim were talking your ear off about the new copier. |
| 21031 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Yes they were. |
| 21032 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 21033 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
They were. |
| 21034 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Here's what I was thinking: everyone sits on a chair every day... |
| 21035 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 21036 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
But not everyone... |
| 21037 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Sits on a copier. |
| 21038 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Or even uses the copier every day. |
| 21039 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 21040 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Yeah, right? |
| 21041 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Very valid. |
| 21042 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
...That's it. |
| 21043 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 21044 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
All right, see you later... |
| 21045 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
See ya. |
| 21046 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Pam |
Hot tie guy. |
| 21047 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3415 |
Michael |
Hahaha!... well... |
| 21048 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Dwight |
Have you made a decision on the butter sculpture? |
| 21049 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Angela |
No. I haven't thought of it. |
| 21050 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Dwight |
Okay. Cow, goat or sheep. It's not that hard. |
| 21051 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Angela |
I would like cat. |
| 21052 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Dwight |
Cats don't make butter. |
| 21053 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Angela |
I would like cow butter sculpture of a cat. |
| 21054 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Dwight |
It doesn't make any sense. |
| 21055 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Angela |
Yes it does! |
| 21056 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Andy |
Okay, guys! |
| 21057 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Angela |
I want a butter sculpture of a cat! |
| 21058 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Dwight |
Cow, goat or sheep. |
| 21059 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3416 |
Andy |
What is this? All right, we're all on the same team. Is it- Damn! Why is that in the kitchen?! |
| 21060 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Jim |
You might want to consider changing teams, because we would-we would love to have you. |
| 21061 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Pam |
No, copier's great. |
| 21062 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 21063 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Pam |
Yeah. I have my copies. |
| 21064 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Jim |
There they are. |
| 21065 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Pam |
And I have my original. |
| 21066 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 21067 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Pam |
So suck it. |
| 21068 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3417 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 21069 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 21070 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Kevin |
Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay. |
| 21071 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you my dear. |
| 21072 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Kelly |
Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you. |
| 21073 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Oh, well, chivalry is not dead after all. Okay... |
| 21074 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Stanley |
There he is! |
| 21075 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
There he is! Hello, hello! |
| 21076 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Phyllis |
Hello. |
| 21077 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Hello! Good to see you! Good to see you. |
| 21078 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Jim |
Oh! |
| 21079 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Mm! Yeah! |
| 21080 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Pam |
There's that ass! |
| 21081 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Hey hey! Yeah! Unh! |
| 21082 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Pam |
Woo! Yeah. Aw, don't take it away! |
| 21083 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3418 |
Michael |
Oh... ah, I almost choked. |
| 21084 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Dwight |
Here's another place. |
| 21085 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Angela |
It's beautiful. |
| 21086 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Andy |
Hey-o! |
| 21087 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Dwight |
So... why don't we try this out, we'll see what would happen. Give it a little test drive, what do you say? You pretend to be Angela's father, you will play Angela, and uh, I will pretend to be you. That way you can see what it looks like when you're up here. |
| 21088 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Angela |
Hello, I'm Angela Martin, and- |
| 21089 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Andy |
I'm Andy. |
| 21090 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Angela |
I work with Dwight. |
| 21091 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Dwight |
He doesn't understand a word you're saying. |
| 21092 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Andy |
What? |
| 21093 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Dwight |
Although born just minutes from here, he speaks only German. Closed society. So, now, after the readings by all of your sisters, we will arrive at the vows. So, Konrad... And away we go. This is a little taste of the ceremony, if you will. He's explaining why we're here, what we're doing here, making introductions, blah blah blah... Then he's gonna have Andy repeat a bunch of stuff. He's gonna ask Andy to produce a ring. I have uh, now just uh... just some twine for our purposes, and you will put the ring on her finger. Yadda yadda, then he's going to ask Andy, uh, if he would like to marry Angela. And you will reply, "I do." And then he's going to ask Angela if she would like to marry Andy, to which you will reply... |
| 21094 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Angela |
I do. |
| 21095 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3419 |
Dwight |
And there we go. Okay, and that's just about it. Man and wife. |
| 21096 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Got a call about a problem up here. |
| 21097 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Pam |
Did somebody call Hank? |
| 21098 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Hank, thank God you're here. The office is at a crossroads. |
| 21099 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
So, there's no security problem? You know, I hustled up the stairs. |
| 21100 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Yes. I need your sage advice. And everyone, whatever Hank decides, that is the decision. That will resolve this issue. Yeah, take as many as you want. |
| 21101 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's nice and warm up here. |
| 21102 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 21103 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
So what are we talking about? |
| 21104 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, we have a surplus. Imagine that your parents give you money for a lemonade stand- |
| 21105 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
I know what a surplus is. |
| 21106 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. Good. Good. Well, here's the thing. Some people want to use the surplus to buy a new copier. Other people are complaining about the chairs. |
| 21107 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Is that the copier? |
| 21108 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
It is, yes. |
| 21109 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Hmm. |
| 21110 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
What? |
| 21111 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
I was just thinking. Let me see a chair. |
| 21112 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 21113 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Pam |
You can try mine. |
| 21114 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Oh, there we go. |
| 21115 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Hmm, not much lumbar support. |
| 21116 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Now everyone, bear in mind once again that whatever Hank says goes. He is an impartial third party. |
| 21117 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
On the one hand, this copier is very old. You should see some of the new copiers they have. You would not believe what they do. |
| 21118 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
So, the copier. |
| 21119 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Well, let me finish. |
| 21120 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
All right, yes. |
| 21121 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
Now the chairs. The chairs are very weak. Very weak chairs. I could not sit all day in this chair. |
| 21122 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
Well, what should I do? |
| 21123 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Hank |
...Let me see the copier again. |
| 21124 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3420 |
Michael |
All right, get out. Get out. |
| 21125 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
Dwight, I thought I knew what I wanted. And then, being here with you and the German Mennonite minister... it just all felt right. I made a mistake picking Andy. |
| 21126 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything. |
| 21127 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
What do you mean? |
| 21128 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
Well Monkey, he's a real minister. And you said, "I do." And I said, "I do." And Andy wasn't signing a receipt; he was signing our marriage certificate as a witness. |
| 21129 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
Dwight! That doesn't count! |
| 21130 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
Yes, of course it does. |
| 21131 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
No, it doesn't! |
| 21132 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
It does in the state of Pennsylvania. |
| 21133 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
I didn't- |
| 21134 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
Haha, Mrs. Schrute. |
| 21135 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
We are not married. |
| 21136 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
Wha... |
| 21137 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Angela |
Take this thing. |
| 21138 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Dwight |
My... It's not my fault you don't understand German; I've been telling you to take it for years! |
| 21139 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3421 |
Andy |
Are we, uh... are we leaving or what? Ow! |
| 21140 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
Michael. |
| 21141 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
Hey David- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm eating tiramisu. Some of the chocolate powder just went down my throat. I'm stopping now. |
| 21142 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
Is this why you're calling me? |
| 21143 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm calling- I'm sorry. |
| 21144 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
Okay. |
| 21145 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
Mm. I'm calling because, um, we have a stupid budget surplus, and people-everybody wants something different. |
| 21146 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
You want me to weigh in on a minor budget issue? |
| 21147 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
No, no, no. I want you to make the decision so I'm not the bad guy. |
| 21148 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
Well if I were you, I would just return the surplus and take the bonus. |
| 21149 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
The what now? |
| 21150 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
David |
Branch managers who come in under budget get 15% of the savings. |
| 21151 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3422 |
Michael |
...Like a tip? $645?! |
| 21152 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3423 |
Michael |
I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with $645, you are literally a king. |
| 21153 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Jim |
We have that going out Tuesday... Okay? Sure, no, I can... I'll double-check that for you. |
| 21154 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
All right, attention everyone. |
| 21155 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Jim |
Let me call you right back. Okay. |
| 21156 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
I have made my decision. We do not need a new copier. We do not need new chairs. This copier... is... working perfectly. |
| 21157 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
That's the original. |
| 21158 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Pam, would you stand up for a sec? Hmm. See how relaxed I am? I like this chair. Offers good support, it is urkelnomically correct... it's a good chair. I think we're spoiled because we don't appreciate the things that we have. You think kids in Africa have chairs? No. They sit in big piles of garbage. You think they have copiers? They don't have copiers. They don't even- Gah! They don't even have paper. And we are spoiled because we throw out perfectly good tiramisu because it has a little tiny hair on it. My point I this: I have seen the light in terms of what we need, and it is nothing. |
| 21159 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
Do you know? |
| 21160 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Do I know what? |
| 21161 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
I think you know. |
| 21162 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Mm, no... |
| 21163 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Phyllis |
Know what? |
| 21164 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Pam |
Yeah, know what? |
| 21165 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4300 is? |
| 21166 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
645 |
| 21167 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Kevin |
Michael's a genius. |
| 21168 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 21169 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
Why'd you say dollars? |
| 21170 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Because that is how my mind works. |
| 21171 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
What's 15% of 200? Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus. |
| 21172 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Jim |
Wait, what? |
| 21173 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Pam |
You can do that? |
| 21174 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Kevin |
Hey Michael, what's 394 times 5,912? |
| 21175 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
Let's see... |
| 21176 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Pam |
You're gonna give yourself a bonus of $645 instead of getting the entire office something it really needs? |
| 21177 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
I don't need $645; I already have $645, more or less. |
| 21178 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Oscar |
You're gonna get us a copier then? |
| 21179 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
This is so stupid. |
| 21180 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Pam |
Or chairs? |
| 21181 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
This is so, so stupid. And, God... that's my phone. |
| 21182 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Stanley |
I didn't hear a phone. |
| 21183 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3424 |
Michael |
To be continued! |
| 21184 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3425 |
Michael |
No, I don't-this doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me. |
| 21185 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3426 |
Andy |
Hey Tuna, check it out. Tuna sandwich. Just like you. What- |
| 21186 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3426 |
Angela |
Now, I have to take care of a legal issue. |
| 21187 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3427 |
Andy |
Was that hot or what? |
| 21188 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Pam |
So what's it gonna be? |
| 21189 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Oscar |
Michael, you have to make a decision. The day is almost done. |
| 21190 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Pam |
Let me just say, you've been promising me this chair since the day you hired me. |
| 21191 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Oscar |
You are a smart guy. I know you'll do the right thing. |
| 21192 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Michael |
You think it's easy? |
| 21193 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Stanley |
It's your job. |
| 21194 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3428 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what? Why don't you guys deal with it? I am going to get up, and I am going to be out in the common area. But you need to decide; otherwise I'm taking the bonus. All right? |
| 21195 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Michael |
It is a classic management tactic. You have two sides, a deadline, you know that neither of them are gonna concede. What you do is you put 'em in a room, and you just- Hey. |
| 21196 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 21197 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Oscar |
Hey, we're going with the chairs. |
| 21198 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Michael |
What? |
| 21199 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Oscar |
I just figured I'd rather have new chairs than nothing at all. |
| 21200 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Pam |
Thanks Michael. |
| 21201 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3429 |
Michael |
Good work. I'm proud of you. Mother- |
| 21202 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3430 |
Michael |
What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory. |
| 21203 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3431 |
Jim |
Truce? |
| 21204 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3431 |
Pam |
Yeah, I guess, since I won. |
| 21205 |
5 |
10 |
The Surplus |
3431 |
Jim |
Yeah, you did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. Totally kidding. I'm gonna need four. |
| 21206 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Dwight |
What is this? |
| 21207 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Jim |
Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas. |
| 21208 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Dwight |
You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours? |
| 21209 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Jim |
Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping. |
| 21210 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Dwight |
Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid. Well, I hope it was worth it, cause I'm gonna take it apart in about five minutes. |
| 21211 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Jim |
I think it'll take you a little longer than that. |
| 21212 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3432 |
Dwight |
Really? If I can skin a mule deer in less than ten minutes, I ought to be able to cut my -- |
| 21213 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3433 |
Stanley |
Eh... |
| 21214 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3433 |
Phyllis |
I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have. |
| 21215 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3433 |
Stanley |
I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat. |
| 21216 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3434 |
Phyllis |
This is the first Christmas party I am throwing as head of the party planning committee. The theme is "Nights in Morocco". This isn't your grandmothers Christmas party. Unless of course she's from Morocco, in which case it's very accurate. |
| 21217 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3435 |
Michael |
Hey, Phyllis, do I need this invite to get in to the party? |
| 21218 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3435 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 21219 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3435 |
Michael |
Awesome. I think this is going to be the best Christmas party ever. |
| 21220 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3436 |
Phyllis |
Angela. You're going to move this for the party right? It's not on theme. |
| 21221 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3436 |
Angela |
It's the nativity scene. |
| 21222 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3436 |
Phyllis |
Alright. You can keep your camel, sheep, elephant and the north African king can stay. Everything else goes in the drawer. |
| 21223 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3437 |
Angela |
I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer. |
| 21224 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3438 |
Phyllis |
I need you to get rid of the tree. |
| 21225 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3438 |
Angela |
But-- |
| 21226 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3438 |
Phyllis |
Thank you. |
| 21227 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3439 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be black mail, it would have to be a formal letter. |
| 21228 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3440 |
Jim |
Ah. You brought in your doll collection. |
| 21229 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3440 |
Dwight |
These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil. |
| 21230 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3441 |
Dwight |
Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year it's a doll. Half girl, half unicorn. Catchphrase: "My horn can pierce the sky". Pathetic. I bought out every store in the area over the last couple of weeks. And as lazy parents become desperate I will sell them for an enormous profit. Isn't that right princess? |
| 21231 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Jim |
That's the Christmas spirit. |
| 21232 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Dwight |
I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has s*x with a unicorn? Man with a horn has s*x with a royal horse? |
| 21233 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 21234 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out. |
| 21235 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Dwight |
They are now. |
| 21236 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3442 |
Michael |
Cool. My horn can pierce the sky. |
| 21237 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3443 |
Michael |
This is equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda. Call it a one of everything. |
| 21238 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3443 |
Meredith |
Oh... my... GOD!!! Hit me again. |
| 21239 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3443 |
Michael |
Alright... One more time around the block. |
| 21240 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Jim |
I will grant you one wish. |
| 21241 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Pam |
I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way. |
| 21242 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Jim |
Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. Dumb. |
| 21243 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Andy |
Hey, hey... Ange... check it out. There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance. |
| 21244 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Angela |
Really Andy? It's Christmas and your singing about nudity and France. |
| 21245 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3444 |
Andy |
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all. |
| 21246 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Michael |
Jim, Jim.... |
| 21247 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Jim |
What is it? |
| 21248 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Michael |
That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka. |
| 21249 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Jim |
Wow, that is delicious. |
| 21250 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 21251 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Jim |
Can't believe no ones thought of that. |
| 21252 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3445 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 21253 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3446 |
Meredith |
Ahh yeah!! |
| 21254 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3447 |
Meredith |
Belly dancing! |
| 21255 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Guy buying doll |
120, 180... 200. |
| 21256 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Dwight |
All right. |
| 21257 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Guy |
Thank you so much. My daughter is going to love this. |
| 21258 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Dwight |
Oh, so glad I could help. |
| 21259 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Guy |
Thanks. |
| 21260 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Dwight |
Merry Christmas. |
| 21261 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3448 |
Guy |
You too. |
| 21262 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3449 |
Dwight |
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-ka-ching. |
| 21263 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3450 |
Michael |
Oh, so this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India. |
| 21264 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3451 |
Jim |
Oh, oh, oh, oh! |
| 21265 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3451 |
Dwight |
We got a live one! On fire!! |
| 21266 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3452 |
Meredith |
I'm all right. I'm all right. |
| 21267 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3453 |
Andy |
Sorry. |
| 21268 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Oscar |
We're back on the 5th, should we just do it then? |
| 21269 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
Can not do it then. Monthly dental appointment, soft teeth |
| 21270 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Oscar |
What about February 2nd? |
| 21271 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Jim |
Ah... would you want to do it on Groundhogs day? |
| 21272 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
No, no. I celebrate privately. |
| 21273 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Jim |
That's cool. |
| 21274 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
Why don't we just do it now? We'll do it quickly. |
| 21275 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Oscar |
Now? It's our Christmas party. |
| 21276 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
We'll do it quickly. |
| 21277 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Jim |
Well what if we can't do it quickly. |
| 21278 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
What if we can't do it quickly? What if we cant do it-- |
| 21279 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Oscar |
Do you know how to do an intervention? |
| 21280 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3454 |
Michael |
Hey, shut up. Here we go. Everybody gather up. |
| 21281 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3455 |
Michael |
An intervention. It's sort of hard to describe, but really its-- it's a coming together... it's a surprise party for people who are-- who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop. |
| 21282 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3456 |
Phyllis |
It looks like we're going to be here for awhile, so why don't you make a little plate of hummus for everyone. Little triangles of pita, toasted on both sides, fanned so you can easily can grab them. |
| 21283 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3456 |
Angela |
I don't-- |
| 21284 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3456 |
Phyllis |
And napkins... fanned. |
| 21285 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
Okay, how do you feel? |
| 21286 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Meredith |
A little better. I threw up. |
| 21287 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
Uck... T.M.I. |
| 21288 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Kevin |
Fire girl. Too soon? |
| 21289 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 21290 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what I thought we should do is have a quick intervention and then get back to the party. |
| 21291 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Toby |
Michael, we are only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We can not ask her to stop drinking. |
| 21292 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic. |
| 21293 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Meredith |
I'm not an alcoholic. |
| 21294 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
Yeah, obviously you are. Okay, everybody who thinks that Meredith is an alcoholic please raise your hand. |
| 21295 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Dwight |
Aye. |
| 21296 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
The aye's have it. |
| 21297 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Meredith |
I don't care what everyone thinks. I know I am not an alcoholic. |
| 21298 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3457 |
Michael |
Alright, well, let's look at this a little bit closer then shall we? |
| 21299 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3458 |
Andy |
When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz. |
| 21300 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Meredith, have you ever used alcohol to alter your mood or deliberately change your state of mind? |
| 21301 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Meredith |
Sure. |
| 21302 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Do you sometimes have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or mark a holiday? |
| 21303 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Meredith |
Obviously. |
| 21304 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Have you ever under the influence of alcohol questioned the teachings of the Mormon church? |
| 21305 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Oscar |
Where did you get this? |
| 21306 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
I got it on a website, that's not important. |
| 21307 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Toby |
Michael, We should contact some experts. You don't know what your doing. |
| 21308 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what Toby? One of my employees is undergoing a crisis and I wish for just once you would take my side on this. I'm doing your job man. Hey, are you texting? |
| 21309 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Kelly |
Yeah, 'cause this is kind of a drag. |
| 21310 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Alcohol is a drag. Yes. Here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to go around the room and have us each express to Meredith how her alcoholism has affected us. I'll begin. This Christmas party is perhaps the best Christmas party I have ever been to, but then you got so drunk that we had to stop and do this. That's how your drinking affected me. Anybody else? Another time when Meredith's drinking affected you? Come on people. If we don't say anything she's not going to get any better. Yes, Kevin. |
| 21311 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Kevin |
Well, Meredith, there was that one time you bought movie tickets and then you got too drunk to go, so you gave them to me. And that was really cool. |
| 21312 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
That's-- you didn't-- you weren't hurt by that. |
| 21313 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Kevin |
Yeah, you said affected by it. Thanks again, Meredith. |
| 21314 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Meredith |
You're welcome. |
| 21315 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Michael |
Okay, no, that's not what we're going for. Who has a problem with Meredith's drinking? It has to bother you. It bothers me. Right? How does it bother you? Dwight, don't you have anything? |
| 21316 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3459 |
Dwight |
No, I like Meredith. |
| 21317 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3460 |
Dwight |
Actually, I don't care for Meredith, but I don't believe in this kind of thing. In the Schrute family we believe in a five fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching. |
| 21318 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Michael |
Who is going to tell us the latest dirty joke? Who is going to tell us what you watched on television last night? |
| 21319 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Meredith |
I am fine. |
| 21320 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Michael |
Was John Belushi fine? Was Bob Hope fine? Hey-- come here. If anything ever happened to you, I would be very angry at myself for not doing all that I could do. |
| 21321 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Meredith |
I know I drink. I like to party |
| 21322 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Michael |
I want you to say I'm an alcoholic. |
| 21323 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Meredith |
I am not an alcoholic! |
| 21324 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3461 |
Michael |
You can say it as loudly as you want, but we're not going to believe you. |
| 21325 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3462 |
Phyllis |
I was waiting until later to hand out this years gifts from corporate. I don't think they're appropriate anymore. |
| 21326 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Angela |
Please stop making me do these things. |
| 21327 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Phyllis |
Oh, sorry, it's your job. |
| 21328 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Angela |
But it's the season of mercy. |
| 21329 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Phyllis |
You never showed me mercy when you were in charge. Why aren't you wearing the hairnet? |
| 21330 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Angela |
I lost it. |
| 21331 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3463 |
Phyllis |
Ok... nice. |
| 21332 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3464 |
Meredith |
I don't mind telling you that I have an addiction. I do. To p0rn. |
| 21333 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3464 |
Michael |
Alright, no, no, no. No. That is the image, I think we can all agree is very disgusting. But you know what, Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow.? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead? |
| 21334 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3464 |
Dwight |
I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick. |
| 21335 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3465 |
Dwight |
There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick. |
| 21336 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Michael |
Everyone in this room loves you, but mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire we are not going to help put you out. |
| 21337 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Dwight |
Oh, as fire marshal I would have to. |
| 21338 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Michael |
Dwight-- |
| 21339 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Dwight |
She is a hazard to the other people of the office. |
| 21340 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Michael |
...okay. |
| 21341 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Dwight |
I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area. |
| 21342 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Jim |
Yeah, but you're gonna need a permit for that. |
| 21343 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Dwight |
Oh right, that'll take a couple of weeks. |
| 21344 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Creed |
I can get you one in an hour. |
| 21345 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 21346 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Toby |
Okay you know, this-- this is over. |
| 21347 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Stanley |
I agree. |
| 21348 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Jim |
Michael, I think... you did the best you could, but this is bigger than all of us. |
| 21349 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3466 |
Michael |
Enabler! Enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler. It's Christmas and we are turning our back on somebody who is asking for help. |
| 21350 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3467 |
Michael |
You know what the only thing I want for Christmas? I want Meredith to get better. That's my only wish. But you know what? My wishes never come true, so I'm not going to wish that on her. I-- a watch would be nice. |
| 21351 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3468 |
Jim |
They've been in there for 45 minutes. |
| 21352 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3468 |
Pam |
I know. If she wasn't an alcoholic before, she is now. |
| 21353 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3469 |
Phyllis |
That's a halwa shabkia cookie. They serve it during Ramadan. |
| 21354 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3469 |
Stanley |
Mmmm... chewy. |
| 21355 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3470 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 21356 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3470 |
Andy |
What's up? |
| 21357 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3470 |
Jim |
Do you take requests? |
| 21358 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3470 |
Andy |
Sure. |
| 21359 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3470 |
Jim |
Please stop. People are having a Christmas party. |
| 21360 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3471 |
Michael |
I'll be down in a minute. Could you write down the number of that rehabilitation center that you mentioned? |
| 21361 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3471 |
Toby |
Sure. Wow. Ow... |
| 21362 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
We just missed Poor Richards. |
| 21363 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
We did? |
| 21364 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Yeah, I thought we were going out for a drink? |
| 21365 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
Oh, shoot. Oh well, we'll have to go someplace else then I guess. |
| 21366 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
The Bog? Cooper's, Kelly's... |
| 21367 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
We could go there, sure. |
| 21368 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
...Brixx's, Carmen's... |
| 21369 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
Yes, yes. |
| 21370 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
...The Fort, Andy Gavin's. |
| 21371 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
I have a new place. |
| 21372 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Well, it must have just opened up. |
| 21373 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
It-- yep, recently. |
| 21374 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Yeah... all right. |
| 21375 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 21376 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Enough of this Christmas crap. Let's get some party music. Yeah! |
| 21377 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
Yeah, oh there you go. |
| 21378 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Yeah! |
| 21379 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
That's good. |
| 21380 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Meredith |
Yeah that's better. |
| 21381 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3472 |
Michael |
We're party girls. |
| 21382 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3473 |
Toby |
Hey Sasha, it's daddy. Have you ever heard of this doll , Princess Unicorn? |
| 21383 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3473 |
Sasha |
Daddy, daddy, daddy!! |
| 21384 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3473 |
Toby |
No, No, No. No, I'm just curious if you've heard of it. |
| 21385 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3474 |
Toby |
This is great. My ex-wife's going to be so pissed. For once daddy's gonna be a hero. |
| 21386 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Dwight |
200 |
| 21387 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
Yo. |
| 21388 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
Hey, I'd like to buy one of your dolls. |
| 21389 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's my last one. |
| 21390 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
Oh, no, I-- no, no, I was gonna buy that doll. |
| 21391 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
Thanks man. |
| 21392 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
I was-- I was gonna get the doll. |
| 21393 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Dwight |
Not my problem. |
| 21394 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
But I-- I promised my daughter. Darryl, look-- I-- I need the doll, I need the doll. I-- I'm-- I'm begging you. I just-- I need it more than anything in this world. I need this doll. Darryl, man I need this doll. |
| 21395 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
All right man, don't cry. It's cool. I'll let you get it for $400. |
| 21396 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
I only have $200. |
| 21397 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
You can owe me. |
| 21398 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
Oh man, thanks, thank you, thank you, thank you. |
| 21399 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
I know, right. Merry Christmas. |
| 21400 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
Oh thanks. She's gonna... oh... |
| 21401 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Darryl |
Something wrong with the doll? |
| 21402 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3475 |
Toby |
No. It's even-- it's even better than the one I wanted. |
| 21403 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
Sunrise Rehab? No! No! No! I told you no! There is no way! |
| 21404 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
It's okay. It's all right. |
| 21405 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
No way! There is no way! No way! |
| 21406 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Meredith, we are doing this for your own good. Okay. Come on-- |
| 21407 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
No way! No way! There is no way! |
| 21408 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Here we go. This is gonna be good. |
| 21409 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
No! No way! I told you. We talked about this. There is absolutely no way. No! No! There is no way! No! No! I am not going in there! I am not going in there! |
| 21410 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Yes you are. |
| 21411 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
I am not going in there! NO!! |
| 21412 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just wait! Just wait! |
| 21413 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Shhh... just calm down. |
| 21414 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! No! No! |
| 21415 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Come on. Shh... |
| 21416 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
No! No! No! There is no way! There is no way! |
| 21417 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Here's the door. Here's the door. |
| 21418 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
There is no way! There is no way! No! No! |
| 21419 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
Let's start meeting-- Hello. How are you? |
| 21420 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
This man is crazy! This man is crazy! |
| 21421 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Rehab Nurse |
Can I help you? |
| 21422 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
I have a deposit. Alcoholic. |
| 21423 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
No! No! No! No! No! |
| 21424 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Michael |
So do I sign? |
| 21425 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3476 |
Meredith |
NO!!! |
| 21426 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Phyllis |
I need you to put the Christmas tree back up. |
| 21427 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Angela |
It's outside. |
| 21428 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Phyllis |
I didn't ask you where it was. I told you where it needs to be. |
| 21429 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Angela |
Shut up. |
| 21430 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Phyllis |
Excuse me? |
| 21431 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Angela |
I'm not moving the tree. Face it. The only power you have over me is this big secret that I know you're not going to tell. And you want to know how I know that? Because then you won't be able to plan your stupid, tacky parties anymore. So you move the tree. |
| 21432 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Phyllis |
Okay. Angela's having s*x with Dwight. I caught them doing it after Toby's going away party. |
| 21433 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3477 |
Dwight |
Well don't look so surprised. |
| 21434 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Pam |
I knew it. |
| 21435 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Jim |
You did not know it. |
| 21436 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Pam |
I knew some of it. |
| 21437 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Jim |
Everyone knew some of it. |
| 21438 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Pam |
It's Christmas. |
| 21439 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Jim |
You knew it. |
| 21440 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Pam |
Thank you. I knew it. |
| 21441 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3478 |
Jim |
She knew it. |
| 21442 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3479 |
Michael |
As it turns out you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um... I think I can do it. I did it with Jan. |
| 21443 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3480 |
Andy |
All right, everybody's still here. Perfect! Got a little surprise I've been working on. Angela, my bride, I just wanted you to know that for the rest of our lives, no matter the cultural milieu, I will always be there to bring you Christmas cheer. Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Tis the season to be jolly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Don we now our gay apparel. Fa-la-la-la-la-LA. Troll the little Yule tide carol. Roo-di-di-di-do. Roododododo. |
| 21444 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3480 |
Angela |
I think I'd like to go home now. |
| 21445 |
5 |
11 |
Moroccan Christmas |
3480 |
Andy |
Sure. Dooo. Tough room. Come on. I just learned it. Just so you know protocol is a little round of applause. But, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. |
| 21446 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3481 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. I'm sorry, he's not in yet. Would you like his voicemail? |
| 21447 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3481 |
Michael |
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, okay! Twelve miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis! |
| 21448 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3482 |
Pam |
Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard. |
| 21449 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Dwight |
Aah! |
| 21450 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Phyllis |
Wow, thirteen! |
| 21451 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 21452 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
No. No, no. There was wind. |
| 21453 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Dwight |
I was just jogging. |
| 21454 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over. |
| 21455 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Jim |
No, no, no, it's not your turn. All right, thirteen is the new number. Oscar, go ahead. |
| 21456 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
I want another try. Here we go! Thirty-one! Thirty-one! |
| 21457 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Stanley |
There was a car. |
| 21458 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number. |
| 21459 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Oscar |
Thirty-one is humanly impossible. |
| 21460 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
Go, Oscar. Thirty-one's my number. |
| 21461 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Oscar |
That's impossible. |
| 21462 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3483 |
Michael |
Beat it! |
| 21463 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3484 |
Michael |
Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer, David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And, I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad. |
| 21464 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Pam |
Quick announcement: new year, new candy. |
| 21465 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Kevin |
Whoo-hoo! |
| 21466 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Pam |
Okay, be careful, Kevin. They're kind of spicy. |
| 21467 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Kevin |
Hot tamales. |
| 21468 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 21469 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Kevin |
Uh oh. |
| 21470 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Pam |
So, maybe just try one at first, and then if it's okay, have a couple more... |
| 21471 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Andy |
Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday. |
| 21472 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
Wait, you still don't know... |
| 21473 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
No, no. Nope. |
| 21474 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Andy |
Hmm? |
| 21475 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
Nothing. |
| 21476 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
You still don't know. |
| 21477 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
Why don't... Let's... |
| 21478 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 21479 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
How about we just... Just have to talk to you for a second... |
| 21480 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
Andy. |
| 21481 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
Ahh! |
| 21482 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Andy |
No, no one has RSVP'ed, and I don't understand it, and now, you're shutting me out. You're not even listening. That's really considerate. Thank you. |
| 21483 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
No, what I'm saying is... |
| 21484 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
No, no. |
| 21485 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Michael |
No, that's not it. |
| 21486 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3485 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 21487 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3486 |
Jim |
Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward. |
| 21488 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
How can he still not know? |
| 21489 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Jim |
We can't figure that out. |
| 21490 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
I can't take it anymore. |
| 21491 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Dwight |
Wait, what? You can't take what? |
| 21492 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
I am telling Andy. |
| 21493 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Dwight |
No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you. |
| 21494 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
Who should it come from, then? |
| 21495 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Everyone |
Angela. |
| 21496 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
Are you still having intercourse with her? |
| 21497 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Oscar |
What is wrong with you? She is engaged. |
| 21498 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Michael |
Did you ever have intercourse in this office? |
| 21499 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Oscar |
Are you serious? Ugh. Where? Where? Where, Dwight? |
| 21500 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3487 |
Dwight |
Seems like you already know where. |
| 21501 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Angela |
Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top. |
| 21502 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Kevin |
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it, and stopped right away. |
| 21503 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Angela |
That's enough. |
| 21504 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Kevin |
Because I wouldn't want an innocent person, who doesn't know anything about the form... What? |
| 21505 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Oscar |
That was good... It's just, at the end you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form. |
| 21506 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Kevin |
How about, "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form?" |
| 21507 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3488 |
Oscar |
There you go. |
| 21508 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Andy |
That cannot be true! You're going to charge me a fee to cut my own cake? Uh, no. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, I want to cut it myself... |
| 21509 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Dwight |
Trade seats with me. |
| 21510 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Jim |
No. |
| 21511 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Dwight |
I've got a better angle on Pam. I can see everything. |
| 21512 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Jim |
Please stop. |
| 21513 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3489 |
Dwight |
I need a soup spoon. |
| 21514 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3490 |
Dwight |
Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep. |
| 21515 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Angela |
What is it? |
| 21516 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Dwight |
You've got to tell Andy about us. |
| 21517 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Angela |
That is a terrible idea. One of your worst. |
| 21518 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Dwight |
Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore. |
| 21519 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Angela |
You're expanding on your worst idea. |
| 21520 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Dwight |
Do you love me or not? |
| 21521 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Angela |
I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it? |
| 21522 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3491 |
Dwight |
Because you're engaged to Andy. |
| 21523 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Michael |
Well? |
| 21524 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Dwight |
Not yet. |
| 21525 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Jim |
When? |
| 21526 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Andy |
When what? When what? |
| 21527 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Michael |
You know this can't go on. |
| 21528 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Andy |
What can't go on? |
| 21529 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Michael |
We have to put an end to this. |
| 21530 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Andy |
Seems like... |
| 21531 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 21532 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3492 |
Andy |
You guys should... be hearing what I'm saying. |
| 21533 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
This is really not how this is supposed to happen. |
| 21534 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready. |
| 21535 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
When will she be ready? |
| 21536 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
I don't know. |
| 21537 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Is she crazy in bed? |
| 21538 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 21539 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
Stop. What? |
| 21540 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
How so, specifically? |
| 21541 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
Okay, listen. |
| 21542 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Eager. |
| 21543 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
This shouldn't happen at work. |
| 21544 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
And flexible. |
| 21545 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
And! |
| 21546 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 21547 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue. |
| 21548 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
It's too late. |
| 21549 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything. |
| 21550 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
I am already walking. |
| 21551 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down. |
| 21552 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Okay, what does that mean? |
| 21553 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Might get ugly. |
| 21554 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Jim, this has to get out, so we can all deal with it. |
| 21555 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Jim |
But you're leaving... |
| 21556 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Dwight |
Have a good trip. |
| 21557 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Thanks. Andy? |
| 21558 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 21559 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Michael |
Walk with me. |
| 21560 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3493 |
Andy |
Will do, boss-man. |
| 21561 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Ohh, I do not have much time... car's all the way over there, to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind when I say... say these things, that... are bad things... that you hear... in your ears... this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear... |
| 21562 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
You're not making any sense. |
| 21563 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Well... no, I'm not. So I... I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day. |
| 21564 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
All righty. |
| 21565 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Which will be fine. I am off! |
| 21566 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
Have a good meeting! |
| 21567 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Thank you! |
| 21568 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
Kick Wallace's ass! |
| 21569 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Okay. I will... Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so... |
| 21570 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
I can't hear you through the glass |
| 21571 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know. |
| 21572 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
What? |
| 21573 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
All right. See you later. Ahh. |
| 21574 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Andy |
Are you serious? |
| 21575 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3494 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 21576 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Meredith |
I knew something bad was gonna happen today. |
| 21577 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Oscar |
You said that yesterday. |
| 21578 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Meredith |
Yeah, my neighbor got murdered. |
| 21579 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Jim |
What are you standing for? |
| 21580 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Dwight |
If I'm sitting, I can't disable his neck or his groin. |
| 21581 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Jim |
You're not going to do anything to his neck or his groin. |
| 21582 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Dwight |
If I'm sitting, I don't have the option to. |
| 21583 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Jim |
Dwight, I'm in charge when Michael's gone, and I need you to sit... |
| 21584 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Andy |
I need to talk to you. |
| 21585 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Angela |
We can talk right here. |
| 21586 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Andy |
I need to talk to you in private. |
| 21587 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Kevin |
We're not listening. |
| 21588 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3495 |
Andy |
Let's go to the conference room. |
| 21589 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Is it true? |
| 21590 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
What have you heard? |
| 21591 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
That you're sleeping with Dwight. |
| 21592 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
That doesn't sound like me. |
| 21593 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Is it true? |
| 21594 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
Andy, I'm engaged to you. I mean, we just signed off on our wedding flowers. Would I have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if I didn't want to get married? And, we went through all that stuff with our wedding cake... |
| 21595 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Just answer the question. Are you sleeping with Dwight? |
| 21596 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
A little bit. |
| 21597 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
How long has it been going on? |
| 21598 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
I don't know. I mean, we were together, and then he killed sprinkles, and then we stopped, and... I don't know exactly when we started up again. |
| 21599 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Who else knows about it? |
| 21600 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
Michael. |
| 21601 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Who else? |
| 21602 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Angela |
Let me think about it... I, um... there... |
| 21603 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3496 |
Andy |
Oh God. Come on! |
| 21604 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3497 |
David |
So listen, Michael, your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. Out-performing last year, in fact. Um, and I don't know exactly how to put this, but... what are you doing right? |
| 21605 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3497 |
Michael |
Right what? |
| 21606 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3497 |
David |
Utica, Albany, all the other branches are struggling, but your branch is reporting strong numbers. Look, you're not our most traditional guy, but clearly, something you are doing... is right. And I just, I need to get a sense of what that is. |
| 21607 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3497 |
Michael |
David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever. |
| 21608 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3498 |
Michael |
Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation. |
| 21609 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3499 |
Michael |
This is going to sound sort of high-maintenance, but could we have it, like, three degrees cooler in here? I always think better when it's cooler. |
| 21610 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3500 |
David |
Here's the thing. Michael is doing something right. And in this economic climate, no method of success can be ignored. It's not really time for executives to start getting judgmental now. It's Hail Mary time. |
| 21611 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3500 |
Michael |
Hey, what say we order up some pasta? |
| 21612 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3500 |
David |
What say we do. |
| 21613 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Angela |
Standard, you know? Nothing fancy. |
| 21614 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Andy |
So like, missionary... |
| 21615 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Angela |
I said nothing fancy. |
| 21616 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Andy |
Do you love him? |
| 21617 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Angela |
I love you. |
| 21618 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Andy |
Why should I believe that? |
| 21619 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Angela |
Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying that we're not good together. |
| 21620 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Andy |
Who says that? |
| 21621 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3501 |
Angela |
Or, we can prove them wrong. Let's prove them wrong. |
| 21622 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Where's Dwight? |
| 21623 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Jim |
You okay, man? |
| 21624 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time. |
| 21625 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Creed |
You are welcome. |
| 21626 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Dwight. |
| 21627 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Andy. |
| 21628 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
It's over. |
| 21629 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Oh good. She broke up with you. |
| 21630 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
No. It's over between you two. |
| 21631 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Uh, no way. I am not giving up. |
| 21632 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
You have to. |
| 21633 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
No I don't. |
| 21634 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
She doesn't love you. She's marrying me. |
| 21635 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me. |
| 21636 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Angela Bernard. |
| 21637 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Will never be her name. |
| 21638 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
It will be her name. And you will have to call her that! |
| 21639 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
I don't think so. |
| 21640 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Jim |
Hey guys, why don't we, uh, just cool off a bit? |
| 21641 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
I'm telling you to back down. |
| 21642 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
And I'm telling you that I will never back down. |
| 21643 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Then I'll make you. |
| 21644 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Oh really? How are you gonna do that? |
| 21645 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Through the use of force. |
| 21646 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest. |
| 21647 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
I will fight you. |
| 21648 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 21649 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela. |
| 21650 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Fine! |
| 21651 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Fine! |
| 21652 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Oscar |
This is nuts. |
| 21653 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
What is your weapon? |
| 21654 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because... |
| 21655 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Hey, this is none of your business. |
| 21656 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Jim |
Hey. It is my business when it happens at work. |
| 21657 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Guess what? Not happening at work. |
| 21658 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 21659 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
We're gonna do it outside. |
| 21660 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
Outside of work. |
| 21661 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
None of your business. |
| 21662 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
None of your business then. Good. So what weapon? |
| 21663 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
My bare hands. |
| 21664 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Dwight |
That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands. |
| 21665 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3502 |
Andy |
Then I'll get something too. |
| 21666 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3503 |
Meredith |
I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder. |
| 21667 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Pam |
Angela, you have to put a stop to this right now. |
| 21668 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Angela |
I will respect the results of the duel. |
| 21669 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Pam |
Of course you will. |
| 21670 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Meredith |
I call loser! |
| 21671 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Andy |
I will be taking my break at 4:00 in the parking lot. |
| 21672 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Dwight |
I will also be talking my break at the exact same time and in the same location. |
| 21673 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Andy |
What a coincidence. |
| 21674 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3504 |
Dwight |
Mm. |
| 21675 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3505 |
Jim |
So, I either get more involved, or I take a sick day... leaving Dwight in charge. Oh God. |
| 21676 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3506 |
Dwight |
How'd that get there? |
| 21677 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3506 |
Meredith |
There's a star-shaped thing taped under the kitchen table. |
| 21678 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3506 |
Jim |
Thanks Meredith. |
| 21679 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
Michael |
So I was in the office, and I look over to our Accounting division, and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before. And I call over to Kevin, "Kevin, is that a tweed jacket?" And he looks at me and he says, "Michael, yes it is a tweed jacket." And I look back at him and I say, "I feel the need!... The need for tweed." |
| 21680 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
David |
It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying. And thanks for coming in. |
| 21681 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. |
| 21682 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
David |
Yes. |
| 21683 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
Michael |
I have to say, I am so impressed with the potential you see in me. |
| 21684 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 21685 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 21686 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3507 |
David |
Yeah, finish up. |
| 21687 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Dwight |
Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out! |
| 21688 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Angela |
I can't believe they're gonna fight over me. |
| 21689 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Kelly |
I guess people have fewer choices as they get older. |
| 21690 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Dwight |
Come on! |
| 21691 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Meredith |
Hey, has anything happened yet? |
| 21692 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Dwight |
Where are you? |
| 21693 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Oscar |
Mm-mm. It's 4:10, I don't think he's gonna show. |
| 21694 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Kevin |
Oh come on, man! Believe in something. |
| 21695 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3508 |
Dwight |
Come on, coward! Where are you? Where... "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly..." |
| 21696 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Kelly |
There's Andy, he's in his car. You guys, what is he doing? |
| 21697 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Phyllis |
Why isn't Dwight turning around? |
| 21698 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Oscar |
The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win. |
| 21699 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Creed |
Yeah. |
| 21700 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Dwight |
Alas, after much consideration and deliberation... |
| 21701 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Pam |
Oh my God! |
| 21702 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Stanley |
What's happening? |
| 21703 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3509 |
Phyllis |
Andy's running over Dwight with his car. |
| 21704 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Whoa! What are you! Hey! Hey! |
| 21705 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 21706 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Everyone watching |
Oh! |
| 21707 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Come on! Ow! Ah! Aah! |
| 21708 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
You give up? |
| 21709 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Never! Get out and face me like a man! |
| 21710 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance! |
| 21711 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. "La la la la la la la la la la!" What does that mean? You can't even protect her! |
| 21712 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton? |
| 21713 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Last year, idiot! |
| 21714 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Jim |
Dwight! Are your legs broken? |
| 21715 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
No. My right one's falling asleep a little bit. |
| 21716 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Jim |
Andy, are you all right? |
| 21717 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
Go away, Tuna! I'm winning this! |
| 21718 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Yeah, back off. This isn't your fight. Oh, how much is this gonna cost? Oh! What? Trust fund will take care of that! |
| 21719 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. |
| 21720 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
I sa- |
| 21721 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
What? You stupid idiot! You're like, you're like a Sasquatch! You live in the woods... |
| 21722 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a Sasquatch! |
| 21723 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
I don't get it! How can she be sleeping with you this whole time and only sleep with me twice? |
| 21724 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 21725 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
What! |
| 21726 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
She's sleeping with you? |
| 21727 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Andy |
I'm her fiance. |
| 21728 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3510 |
Dwight |
She said she was only sleeping with me. |
| 21729 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3511 |
Andy |
Yes, hi, my last name is Bernard, and I would like to cancel a wedding cake that I had ordered. B-E-R, N-A, R-D. Yeah, the one shaped like a sailboat... Yep, that's the one. |
| 21730 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3511 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 21731 |
5 |
12 |
The Duel |
3512 |
Michael |
Wow, what a day! Haha! I thought I was gong to get chewed out, but, hold on! Here's an attaboy for ya! What? Rollercoaster ride! Rollercoaster! It just goes to show, you leave Scranton, exciting things can happen. Ahh! |
| 21732 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Dwight |
What's this? |
| 21733 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Jim |
Looks like a red wire. |
| 21734 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Dwight |
Hmm. It wasn't here before. |
| 21735 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Jim |
Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires. |
| 21736 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Dwight |
Yours doesn't. |
| 21737 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Jim |
Doesn't it? |
| 21738 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Dwight |
No, it's going in a different direction then the other wires. |
| 21739 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Jim |
Dwight, I am really busy, I can't talk about this anymore. |
| 21740 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Phyllis |
Dwight, get out of here! |
| 21741 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3513 |
Stanley |
What are you doing? |
| 21742 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3514 |
Jim |
I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. 20 bucks for the whole spool. Crazy, what a deal. Oh he'll be fine. I made it up there. |
| 21743 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
What you talking bout, Wallace? |
| 21744 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
Hi Michael how are you? |
| 21745 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Hi, I am well, how are you? |
| 21746 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
So listen, as you know, we haven't yet filled the regional supervisor job. |
| 21747 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Oh, have you not? |
| 21748 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
Correct. And I was wondering if I could get you to do some of the field work that would normally go to the supervisor . There is an area from Carbondale to Marshbrook, where we have never done any business. |
| 21749 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 21750 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
There is a small company there, Prince Paper. I can't get a report on it because it's not a public company. But we have been talking about going after their market, so I was hoping you could do some fact finding for me. |
| 21751 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 21752 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
I'll fax over some of the things we're looking for. |
| 21753 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Fax, why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur? |
| 21754 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
David |
Look, this is important, Michael. |
| 21755 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3515 |
Michael |
Oh, well, then, email it to me. |
| 21756 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Phyllis |
You've got no taste Stanley Hudson. |
| 21757 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Stanley |
Oh, I do. |
| 21758 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Andy |
What are you guys talking about? |
| 21759 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Stanley |
Some actress, whether shes hot. |
| 21760 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Andy |
Who is the gal in question? |
| 21761 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Phyllis |
Hillary Swank. |
| 21762 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3516 |
Creed |
Ah, Hillary Swank. |
| 21763 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
Not at all. |
| 21764 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Meredith |
She's got mean eyes. |
| 21765 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Pam |
Have you seen her with her bangs? |
| 21766 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
She looks like a monster. |
| 21767 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Jim |
Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work. |
| 21768 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Meredith |
She is an amazing actress. |
| 21769 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
That is not the question. |
| 21770 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Phyllis |
She's not hot. |
| 21771 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
Yeah, thank you Phyllis. |
| 21772 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Jim |
Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it. |
| 21773 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Angela |
I'm not voting. |
| 21774 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Jim |
No one cares. Who thinks that Hillary Swank is hot, raise your hand. Okay, and who thinks Hillary Swank is not hot, raise your hand. |
| 21775 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
Five. Five to five. |
| 21776 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Jim |
Thank you, accounting department. |
| 21777 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3517 |
Kevin |
So what do we do now? |
| 21778 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
What if the owner of Prince Family Paper has a beautiful daughter and we have to seduce her in order to get their secrets? |
| 21779 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
I will seduce her. |
| 21780 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
No, I wanna seduce her. |
| 21781 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
No, I will seduce her. |
| 21782 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
Please Michael, please. |
| 21783 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
No, I got it. |
| 21784 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
You'll fall in love with her. |
| 21785 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
Yeah, so what if I did? That would take precedence and I would expect your support. |
| 21786 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
Okay, let's go over the plan again. |
| 21787 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
Alright, I am a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies |
| 21788 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
Your fictitious name? |
| 21789 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
Michael Scarn. |
| 21790 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries. |
| 21791 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 21792 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
Then we meet at the Denny's... |
| 21793 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
No. |
| 21794 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
...and then we compare notes. |
| 21795 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
No, no, I never said Denny's. IHOP. |
| 21796 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 21797 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
You know how I feel about IHOP. |
| 21798 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
Oh, don't start, |
| 21799 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
Are you socialist? |
| 21800 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
You know what? I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy IHOP. |
| 21801 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Dwight |
I'll have a cup of a coffee. |
| 21802 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3518 |
Michael |
You will have pancakes and you'll like it. |
| 21803 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Store only has three employees. |
| 21804 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
So what? |
| 21805 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
It means they are not expanding. |
| 21806 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Maybe they are shrinking. |
| 21807 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 21808 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
They could be shrinking. |
| 21809 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
No because their sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved. |
| 21810 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Ah ha Yup. |
| 21811 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Its lunch time, and no sign of anyone coming in or out. Which means they are not taking new customers out to lunch. |
| 21812 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Mm hmm . |
| 21813 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Which Means they're not acquiring new business. So once again no growth. |
| 21814 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
And there are clouds. There are clouds in the sky, which means gonna rain, bad for business. |
| 21815 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Oh, it would if they were all cumulous and not cirrostratus. |
| 21816 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Argh, why are you all... |
| 21817 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Get your clouds right. |
| 21818 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Shut up. |
| 21819 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
So you go in now, I am going to go in exactly ten minutes. We have never met each other. We are complete strangers. Also, we are going to need a signal to bolt out of there if there is danger. Lick ur lips, try it. No, no like this. Good. |
| 21820 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Ready to do this? |
| 21821 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 21822 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3519 |
Michael |
Good. Here come the sharks. |
| 21823 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3520 |
Michael |
In nature, there is something called a food chain; it's where the shark eats a little shark. And the little shark eats a littler shark. And so on and so on. Until you get down to the single cell shark. So now replace sharks with paper companies and that is all you need to know about business. |
| 21824 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 21825 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Entire Prince family |
Hello, hi. |
| 21826 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
My name is Michael Scarn. I am a local business owner and I would like to find out about your company. |
| 21827 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
Oh, please come in |
| 21828 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 21829 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
What kind of business are you in. |
| 21830 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
We are a law firm. |
| 21831 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
I assume your primary paper needs are stationary, general office. |
| 21832 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
You know, I will be honest with you... about something. Where we used to live, our paper supplier had a lot of big clients and I just didn't feel like a priority. So I guess my question for you would be how many clients do you have? |
| 21833 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
About 80. |
| 21834 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
Really? That many? This doesn't seem like a very big operation. |
| 21835 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
It's just me, my wife and my son. |
| 21836 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
Ah, so when did you set up shop? |
| 21837 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam. |
| 21838 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Michael |
Oh Vietnam, I hear it's lovely . |
| 21839 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3521 |
Prince Grandfather |
Mmhmm. |
| 21840 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Andy |
Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive. |
| 21841 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Entire office |
Hot! |
| 21842 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Kevin |
The debate is whether she is hot. |
| 21843 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Stanley |
What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here. |
| 21844 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Kevin |
Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting. |
| 21845 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3522 |
Andy |
Okay, TMI. |
| 21846 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Michael |
So, even specialty paper, say 94 brightness double-bonded, you would put that on the same truck as your conventional stock? |
| 21847 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Prince Grandfather |
You sure know a lot about paper for a lawyer. |
| 21848 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Michael |
Well that is... because... I am a genius. |
| 21849 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Prince Grandfather |
Oh really? |
| 21850 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Michael |
Yes, well about some things, and other things I am very stupid. Like, watch this. Is this the cup? Is this the cup? Is this what I drink out of? Laughter is my job, tears are my game, law is my profession. |
| 21851 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Dwight |
Hello, I would like to apply for a job. |
| 21852 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Prince Grandfather |
Hi, I'm afraid we're not hiring right now. |
| 21853 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Dwight |
Why don't you just get rid of this guy? |
| 21854 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Prince Grandfather |
That's my son. |
| 21855 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Dwight |
I'm your son now; you can visit him on holidays. Dwight Schrute, I'm a paper salesman at a second tier paper company called Dunder Mifflin. I'm the top salesman there and I'm looking for a new challenge. I would say you guys have what, 40 high full volume clients? |
| 21856 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Michael |
Try 80. |
| 21857 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Dwight |
Pshaw, that's nothing. I've 90 clients myself. You had better look out, someone might run you out of business. |
| 21858 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Prince Grandfather |
I sure hope not. |
| 21859 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3523 |
Dwight |
Me too. |
| 21860 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Jim |
I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people. |
| 21861 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Kevin |
Are you serious? Jim, just show us a picture. |
| 21862 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Oscar |
Kevin, c'mon. |
| 21863 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Kelly |
Yeah, shut up Kevin. |
| 21864 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Kevin |
He's making all these fancy, uh, it's a gut thing. |
| 21865 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Jim |
Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now. And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate? |
| 21866 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Kevin |
No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game. |
| 21867 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Angela |
Oh my God. |
| 21868 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3524 |
Jim |
This close. |
| 21869 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Prince |
Grandfather: So why are you considering leaving Dunder Mifflin? |
| 21870 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Dwight |
My boss, his insensitivity might border on cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs his underlings. |
| 21871 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, how is your interview going? |
| 21872 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Dwight |
It's going very well. |
| 21873 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
Don't blow it. Hey Linda, can I get a picture of you? |
| 21874 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Linda |
You want a picture of me? |
| 21875 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
I would, could you just stand over here? That would be great Just a little something to remember the trip by. A little to your left |
| 21876 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Linda |
Can I get a copy of that? |
| 21877 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Prince Granddaughter |
Grandma, I can't do this. |
| 21878 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
What's going on? Little homework over here? Lets see if I can help. Huh, math, that's not so hard. Ok. There are 4 of these, ignore the parenthesis, right? |
| 21879 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Prince Granddaughter |
Right. |
| 21880 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
Why is this little 2 so small? It's, it's weird, you don't, you just go by the x. The x means times. 4 times x 2. What is double 4? |
| 21881 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Prince Granddaughter |
8 |
| 21882 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Michael |
Excellent! Way to go! Nice! |
| 21883 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3525 |
Prince Grandmother |
Don't put that. |
| 21884 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3526 |
Kevin |
Ladies and gentlemen, even though the pen1s was fake, I was expecting a second plot twist where we found out Hilary Swank was a boy. |
| 21885 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3526 |
Pam |
Kevin! |
| 21886 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3526 |
Angela |
Ok, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, but I don't even get the discussion, hot is a temperature people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said, so, yes, she's hot, she's hot as heck, she's a female Boris Becker. |
| 21887 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3526 |
Jim |
OH! |
| 21888 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Oh, well thank you very much for all of your help. It's going to be an incredibly hard decision. |
| 21889 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Prince Grandfather |
Wait; let me get something for you. Here is some, some references. Here is a list of references, our top clients. You call any of them; I trust you will hear some good things. |
| 21890 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
I... Okay, okay, okay, alright, thank you. |
| 21891 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
Excuse me sir, I took the bus here and was wondering if I could catch a ride home with you in your car. |
| 21892 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Of course. Thank you very much. Thanks for your time. |
| 21893 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
Thank you very much. |
| 21894 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
I cannot wait to contact your clients. |
| 21895 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
Thank you for your time I look forward to getting your calls. |
| 21896 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Prince Grandfather |
Bye bye now. So long. |
| 21897 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight, Michael |
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. |
| 21898 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Haha, we struck the mother load! |
| 21899 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
Cmon. |
| 21900 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Wallace is going to freak. |
| 21901 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
All their top clients I can't believe it. |
| 21902 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
He's going to absolutely freak. |
| 21903 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
Someone's looking out the window. Go go, Peel out, go. |
| 21904 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Oh shoot. |
| 21905 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
You drove over that. Go back |
| 21906 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Michael |
Oh God, what was that? |
| 21907 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3527 |
Dwight |
That's not good. |
| 21908 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3528 |
Kelly |
No, no, no no. Shes hot, okay? Because if you are saying Hillary Swank isn't hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously I am not as hot as Hillary Swank! |
| 21909 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
Oh my God. |
| 21910 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Michael |
Aw, it's alright. |
| 21911 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
Oh man, |
| 21912 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Michael |
Aw, my car. |
| 21913 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
Not good. |
| 21914 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Prince Grandfather |
Is everyone okay? |
| 21915 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Prince Grandmother |
It sounded bad. |
| 21916 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 21917 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Michael |
No no, we are fine. You have done enough already. |
| 21918 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
You've done more then you can possibly know. |
| 21919 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Michael |
Just, shut up. You know we are just going to call a tow truck, so... |
| 21920 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Prince Grandfather |
A tow truck is going to charge you one hundred bucks to take you a mile. Let me take a look. |
| 21921 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Michael |
No, no, really not necessary. |
| 21922 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Dwight |
He drove over the divider and then backed over it and caused the.. |
| 21923 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3529 |
Prince Grandfather |
I'll be right back I'm just going to grab my tool box. |
| 21924 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3530 |
Pam |
Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access. |
| 21925 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3530 |
Kevin |
Wait, what? |
| 21926 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3531 |
Oscar |
See that, the obvious symmetry of the face? That's a natural appeal of the scientific standard of coin aphelia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes, she is attractive, but is not hot. |
| 21927 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Dwight |
How much longer is this going to take? |
| 21928 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Michael |
You know let me give you some money for this. |
| 21929 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Prince Son |
No, I work at a desk all day, its nice working with my hands. |
| 21930 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Michael |
Oh coffee, that's too much. |
| 21931 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Dwight |
This is disgusting, what is it this, instant? |
| 21932 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Prince Grandfather |
Well that outta do it. |
| 21933 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Prince Granddaughter |
Its all better. |
| 21934 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 21935 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Prince Grandfather |
Gosh, well so long. |
| 21936 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Dwight |
I look forward to hearing from you about that job application. |
| 21937 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Michael |
Ok, goodbye Prince Family. |
| 21938 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3532 |
Dwight |
Goodbye prince family, should be called the Sucker family. Here you go shark, let me fix your fin for you and sharpen your teeth while I'm at it. Bye bye. |
| 21939 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Jim |
I'm saying, all I'm saying is Kevin is not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying. |
| 21940 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Pam |
No, because... |
| 21941 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
Dwight, what will happen to that family if I call David and give him this information? |
| 21942 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Its simple, David would use that information to destroy them. |
| 21943 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
Ok. You know, our sales are fine. We're doing fine. They're doing fine. |
| 21944 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
They could do better. |
| 21945 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
Why don't we just, live and let live? |
| 21946 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 21947 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
Live and let live. |
| 21948 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
I'm not familiar with that expression, |
| 21949 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
It's from James Bond. |
| 21950 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
It doesn't make sense, of course I'm alive. |
| 21951 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
I'm not going to make this call. |
| 21952 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Michael, you have to. Have you ever seen a lioness devour its cub? Have you ever seen a baboon devour its mate? Have you ever seen a raccoon devour a squirrel? |
| 21953 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
My heart says... |
| 21954 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it has made some terrible decisions. |
| 21955 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
That is true. |
| 21956 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 21957 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
That is true. We have gone down the wrong path many many times. |
| 21958 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 21959 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Michael |
Jan... Ryan. |
| 21960 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3533 |
Dwight |
Yeah, save your heart for love, and use your brain for business, right? If we don't do this to prince paper, someone else will. Worse yet, someone else will do it to us. |
| 21961 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3534 |
Stanley |
I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got what, 20 or 30 years left. And my family history says I have less. Now, the old Stanley Hudson would have found something wrong this actress. But that is no way to live life. Look at this healthy sexy pretty strong young woman. C'mon people! She is hot. |
| 21962 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
There was a terrible war, ugh, so many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died. |
| 21963 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
You're right. |
| 21964 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 21965 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
You are right. I will call David and give him the customer list and I will give him all my info. |
| 21966 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Good, so, where are you going? |
| 21967 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Just something I have to do first. |
| 21968 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Where are you taking the client list? |
| 21969 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Somewhere safe, where it can't hurt anyone |
| 21970 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Michael, Michael, no. Michael, give that. Michael, don't do this. No. |
| 21971 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Oh shoot! |
| 21972 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Freeze, give me the list! |
| 21973 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
No no no, I can't let you do this! |
| 21974 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Those people will be ruined. |
| 21975 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Its business, not personal. |
| 21976 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Give it, give it. We can't do this to those people. |
| 21977 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Dwight |
Its over, Michael, its over. |
| 21978 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3535 |
Michael |
Im not a shark. |
| 21979 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3536 |
Andy |
Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of resolution Hillary Swank is hot? Okay. And all those opposed? |
| 21980 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3536 |
Kevin |
This is ridiculous. |
| 21981 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3536 |
Oscar |
That's the thing about debating, you're just going to get people more entrenched in the view they had in the first place. |
| 21982 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
David |
This is good stuff Michael. You are a titan of industry pal. |
| 21983 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
Michael |
Mpfh. |
| 21984 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
David |
Good work. |
| 21985 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 21986 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
David |
Look I'll be in touch, thanks buddy. |
| 21987 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
Michael |
Okay, bye bye. |
| 21988 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
Dwight |
Guess whose stock just went up, golden boy? |
| 21989 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3537 |
Michael |
I guess this is what they call a bittersweet moment. It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's what I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even... what's the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping? |
| 21990 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3538 |
Michael |
Oh, hey what is this? |
| 21991 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3538 |
Pam |
Hillary swank. |
| 21992 |
5 |
13 |
Prince Family Paper |
3538 |
Michael |
Oh, she is hot. |
| 21993 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3539 |
Dwight |
Last week I gave a fire safety talk. And nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. Today, smoking is gonna save lives. |
| 21994 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Does anyone smell anything smoky? |
| 21995 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
Did you bring your jerky in again? |
| 21996 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Pam |
Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God! |
| 21997 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Phyllis |
What-- |
| 21998 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Whoa, fire! |
| 21999 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people? |
| 22000 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Pam |
The phones are dead. |
| 22001 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Oh, how did that happen? |
| 22002 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Kevin |
It's out in the hall. |
| 22003 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct. |
| 22004 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm. |
| 22005 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure? |
| 22006 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Stay calm! |
| 22007 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait, wait. |
| 22008 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Everyone, now calm down! |
| 22009 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway. |
| 22010 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
What does warm mean? |
| 22011 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Everyone |
Oh my God. |
| 22012 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Not a viable option. |
| 22013 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Pam |
Try a different door. |
| 22014 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Okay, what's next? |
| 22015 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Don't run. |
| 22016 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle? |
| 22017 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
It-- it's warm. |
| 22018 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Well, uh, another option. |
| 22019 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
Back door. |
| 22020 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching! |
| 22021 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Phyllis |
Oh! I forgot my purse. |
| 22022 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Stanley |
Leave it woman! |
| 22023 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Get out of the way! Go, go, go! |
| 22024 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can... |
| 22025 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Oscar |
Ah! My hand! That's hot! |
| 22026 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Aah! This ones hot too! |
| 22027 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself. |
| 22028 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Okay, let's go. |
| 22029 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Everyone |
Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way! |
| 22030 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Calm, please |
| 22031 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Get out of the way! |
| 22032 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Have you ever seen a burn victim? |
| 22033 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Move it! |
| 22034 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth? |
| 22035 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
It's okay. Shh shhh. |
| 22036 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people. |
| 22037 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
Oscar. |
| 22038 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
What's next? |
| 22039 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
Oscar! |
| 22040 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Oscar |
Stay alive! I'm getting help! |
| 22041 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
Pull me up! |
| 22042 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Oscar |
You're too heavy! |
| 22043 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! Oh! |
| 22044 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
How about 911? Anyone? 911. |
| 22045 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Pam |
What do we do? |
| 22046 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. |
| 22047 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. |
| 22048 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Angela |
What is that? What is that? |
| 22049 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
The fire's shooting at us! |
| 22050 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Phyllis |
What in the name of God is going on?! |
| 22051 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Yes! Yes, ba-- Yes, battering ram! Battering ram! |
| 22052 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Phyllis, Creed |
Ahhhh!!! |
| 22053 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
Go, go, go, go, go!! |
| 22054 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Help!! Help!! |
| 22055 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Stanley |
I'm about to die! |
| 22056 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation. |
| 22057 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
What?! |
| 22058 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Dwight |
Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. So, what have we learned? Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack. |
| 22059 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth. |
| 22060 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this! |
| 22061 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
He's going to swallow is tongue. |
| 22062 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
No. Michael. Michael. |
| 22063 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it. |
| 22064 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Jim |
Michael! Michael! |
| 22065 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Leave me al-- |
| 22066 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Andy |
You're choking him! |
| 22067 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3540 |
Michael |
Saving him! |
| 22068 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
How could you possibly think this is a good idea? |
| 22069 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
A lot of ideas were not appreciated in their time. |
| 22070 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Electricity. |
| 22071 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
Shampoo. |
| 22072 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
You could have burned down the whole building. |
| 22073 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
I just want to say for the record, I did not kill anyone. Stanley was attacked by his own heart. And he should be released from the hospital and back in the office in a couple days. |
| 22074 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Lawyer |
Did you shout, "Fire!", causing a panic? |
| 22075 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
Yes I shouted "fire!". I shouted many things! I also shouted instructions on how to get out of the building, so you can imagine my frustration as safety officer when nobody would heed of what-- heeded-- |
| 22076 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Hed. Hedded |
| 22077 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
When no one hedded-- |
| 22078 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Take hedded of. |
| 22079 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
N-no one would take hedded of my instructions. |
| 22080 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Heed. Heed. |
| 22081 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
So, you-- |
| 22082 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Take heed of. |
| 22083 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
And, well, I don't see my co-workers-- |
| 22084 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Take heed of. |
| 22085 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
Hee-heeding this right now. |
| 22086 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Lawyer |
Wh--what? |
| 22087 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Okay. This city. Dwight. We are not mad, we are just disappointed. |
| 22088 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
No, we are mad. |
| 22089 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide. |
| 22090 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
No, we're not. |
| 22091 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
I am not a mind reader, David. |
| 22092 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David |
Look, this is very serious offense. We have cause to fire you. |
| 22093 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Can you shove down? Instead... shove down, please. Instead, what I think we should do is strip of your title as safety officer. |
| 22094 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 22095 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
And we should take a part of his pay and donate it the charity of your choice. Something that Dwight doesn't like. |
| 22096 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Dwight |
PETA. |
| 22097 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
Michael, you have to take responsibility here. One of your employees had a heart attack. He could have died, because of the way that you are allowing your office to run. Do you want that on your conscious? |
| 22098 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
Do you? |
| 22099 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
Michael? |
| 22100 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
You talking to me? |
| 22101 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
David Wallace |
Yeah. |
| 22102 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3541 |
Michael |
What? |
| 22103 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
Well... I guess we papered over that pretty nicely. It always amuses me when corporate thinks they can make some big change with a twenty minute meeting in some fancy high-rise. What's the matter? You hungry? |
| 22104 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
No, Dwight. I am worried. A man's life is in my hands. |
| 22105 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
Don't you worry about that. I got it covered. Okay? |
| 22106 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 22107 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
I am planning a bomb scare that should really get the blood pumping. |
| 22108 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
That's not gonna happen. I'm taking over as safety man. |
| 22109 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
What? You? |
| 22110 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 22111 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 22112 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
I'm a smart guy. I'll figure it out. |
| 22113 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Dwight |
That's preposterous. |
| 22114 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3542 |
Michael |
No, I will. |
| 22115 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3543 |
Michael |
Nobody should have to go to work thinking, "Oh, this is the place that I might die today." That's what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true. |
| 22116 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3544 |
Michael |
Shhh! Don't excite him. Don't make him excitable. Welcome back, Stanley. |
| 22117 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3544 |
Stanley |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 22118 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3545 |
Stanley |
It's true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people... |
| 22119 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
Not maybe. Yes or no. |
| 22120 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
No way. Uh-uh. |
| 22121 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
Are you from another planet? |
| 22122 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
Boy, have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it. |
| 22123 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
Did I stutter? |
| 22124 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3546 |
Stanley |
I'm done. Goodbye. |
| 22125 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3547 |
Stanley |
But the doctor said if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings I'm going to die. |
| 22126 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3548 |
Michael |
Andy. |
| 22127 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3548 |
Andy |
A throne for your highness. |
| 22128 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3548 |
Stanley |
I'm not sitting in a wheelchair. |
| 22129 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3548 |
Michael |
No, no, no. No debate. You are going to sit in that wheelchair until you are back on your feet. |
| 22130 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3549 |
Stanley |
I'm going to die. |
| 22131 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3550 |
CPR trainer |
A-B-C. Okay? And hat stands for... airway, breathing and circulation. |
| 22132 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3550 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what? That could be a little confusing, because in sales A-B-C means "always be closing." |
| 22133 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3550 |
Dwight |
This is a farce. I should be teaching this course. |
| 22134 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3550 |
Michael |
Shut it. Shut it. |
| 22135 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3551 |
Michael |
We found ourselves on the less prepared side of things when Stanley had his... when his heart went berserk. And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do. So I thought we should have CPR training class and of course you can't get the practice dummy unless the instructor comes along with it. Red Cross, you know, racket. |
| 22136 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Kevin |
I can't keep doing this forever. |
| 22137 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
CPR Trainer |
It's been 20 seconds. |
| 22138 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Kevin |
Call it. |
| 22139 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
CPR Trainer |
Would you like to try next? |
| 22140 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Dwight |
Absolutely I would not. |
| 22141 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Michael |
You know who I really think should go? Stanley. |
| 22142 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Stanley |
Oh, I don't know. |
| 22143 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Phyllis |
That's not a good idea, Michael. |
| 22144 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 22145 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Phyllis |
He needs to rest. |
| 22146 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Michael |
No rest for the sick. We are not always going to be there to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working. What are you gonna do if you're by yourself and your heart stops? |
| 22147 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Stanley |
I would die. |
| 22148 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Michael |
And you're okay with that? |
| 22149 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Stanley |
I'm okay with the logic of it. |
| 22150 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3552 |
Michael |
Uh-uh. No, no, no. Come on. Get up. Let's do this. |
| 22151 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3553 |
Stanley |
Yes. I had a heart attack. I would quit, but I'm too old to find another job and I don't have enough saved to retire. I feel like I'm working in my own casket. |
| 22152 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Come on Stanley. You're losing you. You're losing you. Do it! |
| 22153 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
Michael! |
| 22154 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
This is you we're talking about. |
| 22155 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
Michael. |
| 22156 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. I'll show them. Here we go. Stanley. All right. |
| 22157 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
CPR Trainer |
So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing? |
| 22158 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
No, Rose. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs. |
| 22159 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
No, that's not part of it. |
| 22160 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there? |
| 22161 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Kevin |
I would want to live with no legs. |
| 22162 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything. |
| 22163 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute . |
| 22164 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour? |
| 22165 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Jim |
How's that gonna help you? |
| 22166 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
I will divide and then count to it. |
| 22167 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 22168 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song? |
| 22169 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Yes, yes I do. I love that song. First I was afraid, I was petrified. |
| 22170 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
No, it's--Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. |
| 22171 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Okay, I got it. |
| 22172 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Creed |
You were in the parking lot earlier. That's how I know you. |
| 22173 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. |
| 22174 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah... |
| 22175 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Andy |
Oh you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud, women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Oh, it's alright, it's okay, you can look the other way. Loo do do! |
| 22176 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
Okay! |
| 22177 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Andy |
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da |
| 22178 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
Okay! |
| 22179 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Everyone |
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive. |
| 22180 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
Yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him. |
| 22181 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose? |
| 22182 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Rose |
I have no idea. |
| 22183 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
Anyone else? |
| 22184 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Phyllis |
We bury him? |
| 22185 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
Wrong. Ehh. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we only have minutes to harvest. |
| 22186 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Creed |
He has no wallet, I checked. |
| 22187 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
He is an organ donor. |
| 22188 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
He is. |
| 22189 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 22190 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
Get me some ice and a styrofoam bucket. Here we go. |
| 22191 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
Oh my God! Dwight! |
| 22192 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Kelly |
Dwight! |
| 22193 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
What are you-- What are you doing? |
| 22194 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
We search for the organs. Where's the heart? The precious heart. |
| 22195 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Stanley |
I'm not feeling well. I need to sit down. |
| 22196 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Hey, Stanley. |
| 22197 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Andy |
Stanley. |
| 22198 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Michael |
Are you okay? |
| 22199 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
Oh my God! |
| 22200 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Stanley |
Oh my God! |
| 22201 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Angela |
Dwight! |
| 22202 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Dwight |
Clarice? |
| 22203 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3554 |
Stanley |
Oh my God! |
| 22204 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
David Wallace |
Could you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy? |
| 22205 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
Dwight |
I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie and it turns out, it's pretty realistic. |
| 22206 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
David Wallace |
We had to pay for it. Cost us thirty five hundred dollars. |
| 22207 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
Michael |
Five thousand three hundred dollars for a dummy? |
| 22208 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
Dwight |
Wow. |
| 22209 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3555 |
Michael |
Okay, look. David, this is why we have training. We start with the dummy, and we learn from our mistakes. And now Dwight knows not to cut the face off of a real person. |
| 22210 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3556 |
Andy |
Hope you brought your appetitos. My lady. My tuna. A little movie popcorn. Uh, damn it. This movie, a lot of buzz. Not coming out for another six months. Mrs. Albert Hannaday. So, friendship with the Nard-dog has its privileges. |
| 22211 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3557 |
Pam |
We don't normally download films illegally. Because we're honest, hardworking people. |
| 22212 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3557 |
Jim |
And we don't know how. |
| 22213 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3557 |
Pam |
But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him. |
| 22214 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3557 |
Jim |
Punishment fits the crime. |
| 22215 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Jessica Alba |
I want you to meet my nana. Nana... |
| 22216 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Lily |
Mmmhmm... |
| 22217 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Jessica Alba |
This is Sam. |
| 22218 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Sam |
Hi. Nice to meet you Mrs. Hannaday. |
| 22219 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Lily |
Please-- Call me Lily. Let's play Bridge. You can be my partner. |
| 22220 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3558 |
Sam |
Alright... Lily. |
| 22221 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3559 |
Jim |
What's going on? |
| 22222 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3560 |
Jim |
Uh, no one really knows, but Pam's parents are going through a little bit of a rough patch in their marriage. |
| 22223 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3561 |
Pam |
My dad spent the night at our place last night. My parents have been fighting for weeks and... it kinda sucks. Jim's been great. But I'm gonna need to buy my dad a robe. |
| 22224 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3562 |
Pam |
He's not saying what he needs to say. |
| 22225 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3562 |
Andy |
Hmm? Who? Sam? |
| 22226 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3562 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 22227 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3562 |
Jim |
I mean, they just need to communicate, you know? If they said to each other what they're saying to everyone else, then-- |
| 22228 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3562 |
Andy |
Hmm. |
| 22229 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3563 |
Andy |
Jim and Pam are, like, movie geniuses. They're catching things that are totally going over my head. |
| 22230 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Michael |
Hi, everyone. Corporate has given Dwight two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So, as a disciplinary measure he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Dwight, have you prepared your statement of regret? |
| 22231 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Dwight |
I have. |
| 22232 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Michael |
Let's hear it. |
| 22233 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Dwight |
"I state my regret." |
| 22234 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Jim |
You couldn't of memorized that? |
| 22235 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Dwight |
I could not, because I do not feel it. Okay, everyone. I am going to need you to sign this statement of regret as an acknowledgement that you heard it. Okay? Everyone come on up here. It's not a big deal. |
| 22236 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Phyllis |
It is a big deal. You almost killed Stanley. |
| 22237 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3564 |
Dwight |
Yeah, right. I filled him full of butter and sugar for 50 years and forced him not to exercise. Now, take a lesson from Stanley and jog on up here and sign this, okay? Make a line. Just form a line right here. Sign it! Sign it now! |
| 22238 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3565 |
Pam |
Hi dad. Yeah Jim has shaving cream, check our bathroom. |
| 22239 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3566 |
Lily |
I'm in here. |
| 22240 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3566 |
Sam |
I uh, I'm sorry I didn't uh, realize you were in a bath. Do you want me to go? |
| 22241 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3566 |
Lily |
I want you to stay. |
| 22242 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3567 |
Jim |
Gimme a break. |
| 22243 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3567 |
Andy |
I know it man. You know, Lilly was supposed to be Nicole Kidman, um and it was gonna be Sophie's mom, not grandmother. But then Nicole kidman dropped out so they went with Lily, with a small rewrite. |
| 22244 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3568 |
Sam |
Get that in there. Oh yeah. |
| 22245 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3568 |
Lily |
Get that done already. |
| 22246 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3568 |
Sam |
I know but if I get it in deeper... |
| 22247 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3569 |
Jim |
Can you believe this? He was pretty talkative at breakfast. |
| 22248 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3569 |
Andy |
Yeah... but... eh... breakfast? You mean when they were eating soup? I don't think that was breakfast. Unless soup, does soup symbolize breakfast? |
| 22249 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3569 |
Pam |
So he doesn't share it with his daughter but he shares it with his daughter's fiance? |
| 22250 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3569 |
Andy |
You guys, they're making out. |
| 22251 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 22252 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 22253 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Pam |
Um, did my dad say anything about my mom? |
| 22254 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Jim |
Mmm... nope, we mostly just talked about cereal. |
| 22255 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Jim |
What? |
| 22256 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Pam |
I dunno. I mean, maybe he'll talk to you about some of this stuff 'cause he can't really talk to me about it. |
| 22257 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Jim |
Mmm... |
| 22258 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Pam |
You're good to talk to. |
| 22259 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3570 |
Jim |
I'm ok, I'm not, great, and um... |
| 22260 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3571 |
Michael |
Ohmmm... Ohmmm... Everybody sit on the floor Indian style like me. Ohmmm my God if you're wearing a dress please keep your knees together nobody wants to see that ohmmm... ohmmm... |
| 22261 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3572 |
Michael |
My goal is to make this office as peaceful a place for Stanley Hudson as I can. I think sounds have a lot to do with that. Here are some downloaded peaceful sounds. That one makes me think... of death. It's kinda nice... |
| 22262 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
It is a beautiful, sunny day as we walk through the meadow that is very spiritual and relaxing and there are flowers and it is sunny and beautiful. Now, up ahead, a castle, in a distance. |
| 22263 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Jim |
Don't open your eyes. |
| 22264 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Pam |
What? Oh... |
| 22265 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
And you walk up toward the castle, and inside the castle are 4 men, and each of them, none of them have shoes, and they give you a funny cigarette, and you feel even more relaxed, and then you want ice cream. You want a big bowl of ice cream. What kind do you want? Shout it out. |
| 22266 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Meredith |
Chunky monkey. |
| 22267 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Too expensive. |
| 22268 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
Chocolate. |
| 22269 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Racism is dead Stanley, you can have any kind of ice cream you want. What do you want? What is that? People! Please I told you to get rid of the cell phones. |
| 22270 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
It's my bio-feedback machine.. |
| 22271 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Oh, ok. What is that, like, a video game? |
| 22272 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
It alerts me when my stress level goes up so I can try to calm down. |
| 22273 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
You have stress? |
| 22274 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
Yes... |
| 22275 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
During our relaxation exercise? |
| 22276 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Phyllis |
Let me get you some water. |
| 22277 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
No no, I'll help you. I'll help you up. Here we go. |
| 22278 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
No, Michael, No. |
| 22279 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Let me getcha. |
| 22280 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
Would ya, would ya step back please |
| 22281 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Ok, alright. |
| 22282 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
Please. A little further. |
| 22283 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 22284 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Stanley |
That's better. |
| 22285 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Ok... I think that thing is on the fritz. Ahh... Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what HE said! Right guys, 'cause of gay? Let's give this a shot. |
| 22286 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Michael |
Hellloo... |
| 22287 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3573 |
Kevin |
Michael, I think you're what's stressing everybody out. |
| 22288 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3574 |
Michael |
So... it wasn't Dwight after all. Looks like I am the killer. You never expect that you're the killer... it's uh... great twist. Great twist. |
| 22289 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3575 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Oh, hey Mom. No, what did Dad say? |
| 22290 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3576 |
Pam |
What did you say to my dad? |
| 22291 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3576 |
Jim |
What? |
| 22292 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3576 |
Pam |
After you talked, he called my mom and said he was gonna look for an apartment. |
| 22293 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3576 |
Jim |
Oh my God. Pam, I don't know, I, nothing, truly, nothing. I mean, I, I just was honest with him and I, I'm so sorry, I don't know. I'll call him again. |
| 22294 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3577 |
Jim |
Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so... it was her parents or my parents... |
| 22295 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3578 |
Pam |
What could Jim have said to make my dad want to leave my mom? And at what point in our marriage is he gonna say it to me? |
| 22296 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3579 |
Michael |
I don't get it. Do I stress you out? |
| 22297 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3579 |
Dwight |
Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors. |
| 22298 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3579 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 22299 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3579 |
Dwight |
Speaking of which... |
| 22300 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3579 |
Michael |
Remember when people used to say boss, when they were describing something that was really cool like, those shoulder pads are really boss man... Look at that perm, that perm is so boss. It's what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang for jerk in charge. |
| 22301 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Michael |
Ok everybody, I've figured it out. The reason that you are all so stressed around me is that you are too intimidated to tell me what you really think. You are keeping these feelings inside, and that is what's causing stress. So, what is the solution? Solution is honesty, laughter, and comedy. In short... |
| 22302 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Kelly |
A vacation. |
| 22303 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Michael |
What? No. No, I am talking about a roast! Of Michael Scott! Oh c'mon! Who here has the Comedy Central Roast channel? You've seen it right? Everybody gets together, and everyone starts hurling insults at the one guy, and everybody's laughing, and everybody's hugging each other... |
| 22304 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Oscar |
Michael are you serious? You really want us to roast you? |
| 22305 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Michael |
Si senor. |
| 22306 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Oscar |
That's offensive. |
| 22307 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3580 |
Michael |
It's not! It's not offensive during a roast! Anything goes! I want you guys to really get crackin on this. I want you to take me down. Don't hold back. I want you to really make fun of anything about me. It could be my race, could be the fact that I'm so fit, or I'm a womanizer... fair game. Whatever. I don't want to write your stuff for you, but I just want it to be good. |
| 22308 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3581 |
Kevin |
Oh my GOD... Oh man... Ohhhhh my God... |
| 22309 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3582 |
Oscar |
I consider myself a good person. But I'm gonna try to make him cry. |
| 22310 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3583 |
Michael |
I can already feel people's stress starting to melt. I think they're very excited about paying their respects this way. I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this. |
| 22311 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3584 |
Dwight |
May I have your attention please? Sign in, sign in on the sign in sheet, the clipboard. This meeting is mandatory, if you do not sign in your name will not be counted. Thank you. |
| 22312 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3584 |
Phyllis |
Hey, this is your apology letter. |
| 22313 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3584 |
Dwight |
That was the last signature I needed. |
| 22314 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3584 |
Michael |
Whoo!! Welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome. You are all jerks. Just kidding, not yet anyway. Welcome to the roast of Mr. Michael Scott. If you're here for the Grabowski wedding, it is the second door on the left. So, we all know how these work, needs to get crazy, take your best shot. I am going to sit right here on my chair and... ah... whoever wants to come up and roast me, you may. Ok... lower the mic for the midget. |
| 22315 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3584 |
Angela |
If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott, here's a quiz to help. If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott. |
| 22316 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3585 |
Angela |
I normally don't enjoy making people laugh. |
| 22317 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3586 |
Angela |
If you ever called the fire department 'cause your head was stuck in your chair you might be... |
| 22318 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3586 |
Group |
Michael Scott! |
| 22319 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3586 |
Michael |
Hey Hey, I don't go make burgers where you work and then tell you how to make burgers. Ha ha! |
| 22320 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3587 |
Kelly |
I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael. |
| 22321 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3587 |
Michael |
You're so lucky! Good one... |
| 22322 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3588 |
Meredith |
Michael? You ran over me with your car. You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board with a caption that said "Gross"... |
| 22323 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3588 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 22324 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3588 |
Meredith |
Michael, you are the reason I drink. You are the reason I live to forget. |
| 22325 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3588 |
Michael |
Pow pow pow... |
| 22326 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3589 |
Michael |
NO! No, friends only. Friends ONLY. |
| 22327 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Jim |
Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary. |
| 22328 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Michael |
I know where this is goin'. |
| 22329 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Jim |
Do ya? |
| 22330 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Michael |
No... |
| 22331 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Jim |
Ok. Remember Spider face? |
| 22332 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Michael |
No. |
| 22333 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Jim |
OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface. |
| 22334 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Michael |
Spite her - ok |
| 22335 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3590 |
Jim |
Yeah... yep. |
| 22336 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
How dare you all attack him like this. |
| 22337 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
Oh, stop it Dwight. |
| 22338 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
Michael is your superior. |
| 22339 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
No no no no no no! |
| 22340 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
Okay, you should be bowing down in front of him. |
| 22341 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
Dwight your'e supposed to do it this way. |
| 22342 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
Ok, no, they don't understand who they have... |
| 22343 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
That is the way you're supposed to do it, idiot. |
| 22344 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
You're interrupting me. I'm trying to get your back. |
| 22345 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
Idiot. Idiot! Idiot. Idiot. |
| 22346 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
Are you calling me an idiot? |
| 22347 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Michael |
Idiot. |
| 22348 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3591 |
Dwight |
Don't you ever talk to me that way. You pathetic, short little man. You don't have any friends, or any family, or any land. |
| 22349 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3592 |
Pam |
Well I just want to take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott. He's supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses. |
| 22350 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3592 |
Michael |
Hey, ya know what? Forgive me for caring. Right? |
| 22351 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3592 |
Pam |
Well, ya know, Michael is a great delegator. He never does any work himself. Ever. And one time, I walked in on him naked, and his thing is so small. If it were an iPod it would be a shuffle! |
| 22352 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3592 |
Michael |
Can I make just a little announcement. In a professional roast, usually the roaster will say something nice about the roastee after they're done, something about how much they love them, so, just, keep that in mind. |
| 22353 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Darryl |
Mike claims, we're all a family isn't that right? |
| 22354 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Michael |
We are, we are a family. |
| 22355 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Darryl |
Ok, so um, what's his name? All the way in the back there. |
| 22356 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Michael |
Oh very funny. |
| 22357 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Darryl |
What's his name? |
| 22358 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Michael |
Uhh... hehe hah! I'm thinking Roy? |
| 22359 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Darryl |
Roy left years ago. What's his name? |
| 22360 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Michael |
I don't believe I have had the pleasure. |
| 22361 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Warehouse Michael |
Michael I gave you a ride home last week, we spent an hour in traffic... |
| 22362 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Michael |
Jefferson. |
| 22363 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3593 |
Darryl |
Nope. His name is Michael. |
| 22364 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3594 |
Andy |
What I hate about you, you really suck as a boss, you're the laziest, jerkiest and you're dumber than applesauce. We're stuck listening to you all day, Stanley tried to die just to get away, heeey, well it's true. That's what I hate about you. That's what I hate about you. Yeah. And now, a man that deserves no introduction, Michael Scott. |
| 22365 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3594 |
Michael |
Haha ha. Thank you very much, thank you. That was great. Great job, great laughs. Really, really went after my intelligence there. Dozens of online IQ test might prove you wrong, but, and my thing isn't tiny, its average, so... get your facts straight. So when I heard that there was going to be a roast in my honor, I thought sorry. I think I have a frog in my throat. Um... I decided to jot down some quick thoughts about you people, um, first up Phyllis and Kevin. Uh um... |
| 22366 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3595 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Uh, I'm sorry, Michael's not here right now can I take a message? Great. I will. Thanks. |
| 22367 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3596 |
Dwight |
It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work. My guess? He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them. And I always say Michael, take two steps back, and stare at the icicle from the side. And he's like no, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them. |
| 22368 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Kevin |
He is so dumb that he tries to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order. |
| 22369 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Oscar |
Alright Kevin. Enough with the Michael jokes. I think he got it bad enough yesterday. |
| 22370 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Kevin |
I'm almost done. |
| 22371 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Oscar |
That reeks, and I'm trying to eat. |
| 22372 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Dwight |
Attention everyone I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring? |
| 22373 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Jim |
Yep. You're being replaced. |
| 22374 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Pam |
I think he meant personal day. |
| 22375 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's quite a leap Pam. |
| 22376 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Phyllis |
I hope he's ok, I feel bad. |
| 22377 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Creed |
Give it up, he's dead. |
| 22378 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Jim |
He just sent a text... |
| 22379 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3597 |
Creed |
What's a text? |
| 22380 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3598 |
Michael |
Caw... caw... caw caw... caw... |
| 22381 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3599 |
Michael |
You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don't matter to him, because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not. |
| 22382 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3600 |
Pam |
Phyllis there's a package for you. |
| 22383 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3600 |
Phyllis |
Oh, ok. |
| 22384 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3600 |
Dwight |
Got it. |
| 22385 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3601 |
Lily |
Sam, Sam Sam. It's not that you dumped my granddaughter, and its not that you want children. It, it's that you lied to me. Can't you see that? Can't you see? Oh, I can never trust you. |
| 22386 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3601 |
Sam |
Lilly no. Lilly! Lilly please! Lilly STOP! I don't care how much time we have left. I don't care what my friends say! And I don't care what your mom thinks! Frankly I'm pretty sure she's not makin any sense. Please. Move back to my apartment. Lilly. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up. Lilly... Lilly! Push the reverse button! Reverse the button! |
| 22387 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3601 |
Andy |
Sam! Sam! |
| 22388 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3602 |
Pam |
Hey Dad. No I know, Mom told me. Ok. Yeah I'll see ya then. |
| 22389 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3603 |
Jim |
So what did he say? Was it my fault? |
| 22390 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3603 |
Pam |
Yeah. He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room, and about how, you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess he's never felt that with my mom, even at their best. |
| 22391 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3603 |
Jim |
You ok? |
| 22392 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3603 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 22393 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3604 |
Pam |
When you're a kid you assume your parents are soul mates. My kids are gonna be right about that. I guess it also means that sometimes love affairs look different to the people inside them. |
| 22394 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3605 |
Andy |
I am not insightful enough to be a movie critic. Mm... maybe I could be a food critic. These muffins taste bad. Hmm, or an art critic. That painting is bad. |
| 22395 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Pam |
Michael! It's really good to see you. |
| 22396 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Dwight |
Hey. Why are you wearing a turtleneck? |
| 22397 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Jim |
Are you alright? |
| 22398 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Oscar |
Michael, I feel like I was a little harsh yesterday. |
| 22399 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Michael |
I um, I spent the afternoon in the park trying to feed the pigeons, I guess they all flew west for the winter, and I, I just had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people. |
| 22400 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Pam |
What? |
| 22401 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Michael |
Well I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. Jim, you're 6'11 and you weigh 90 pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, you're teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela where's Angela? Whoa there you are, I didn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during s*x and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted. Oscar, you are... Oscar, you're gay. |
| 22402 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 22403 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3606 |
Michael |
Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted. Alright. Alright everybody, you know I kid, you know I kid. You guys are the reason I went into the paper business, so, uh, goodnight, God bless, God bless America, and get home safe. |
| 22404 |
5 |
14 |
Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) |
3607 |
Michael |
They say that laughter is the best medicine so Stanley, you can throw away those pills. You are cured. Actually, you should... better hold onto them pills, just in case. |
| 22405 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Jim |
This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left. |
| 22406 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
This is your captain speaking, the office will be flying at an altitude of two stories. Look out your left hand window and you will see Vance Refrigeration. I am the ghost of salesman past, do not come near me. Yes Michael Scott for Dr. Jocelyn, please. Hello doctor I was just following up on my mole again. No, I was looking online about sebaceous cysts. I have not been squeezing it. |
| 22407 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
Could I stick it with a pin? |
| 22408 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Pam |
Ugh. |
| 22409 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
Toby Flenderson to the principal's office. Your mother called, and it appears that you wet the bed again. So you have to get home to wash your sheets because they are yellow and they're wet with your urine. |
| 22410 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
You, and at six foot six, from the University of North Carolina, Jiiiiim Halpeeeeert. |
| 22411 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Jim |
That's pretty funny. Hey you know what? Did I drop my, uh... |
| 22412 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
What? |
| 22413 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Jim |
What the heck? Is that, uh... |
| 22414 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
You find it? |
| 22415 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Jim |
I didn't, I'll look somewhere else. |
| 22416 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 22417 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 22418 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3608 |
Michael |
Would you like fries with that? Please drive around. |
| 22419 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3609 |
Michael |
Hello, good morning. |
| 22420 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3609 |
Pam |
Good morning. |
| 22421 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3609 |
Michael |
You ready? And we're off, like a herd of turtles. |
| 22422 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
Well, Pam and I have eloped. Actually we just robbed a bank, and we are on the lam. No, uh, seriously, I am on a lecture circuit. Apparently Scranton has the best sales of any regional branch. So David Wallace has asked me to go to all the branches, except Nashua, still a little bit raw there. Um, but I am going to these branches and sharing my secret recipe for success. My 11 business herbs and spices, in a sales batter. Oh that, well, that is Pam. Pam is coming along as my assistant and my driver so I can focus. And I like to pack heavy. |
| 22423 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
He brought a sled. |
| 22424 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
No! That is a toboggan, you never know when you're gonna find a snowy hill so... Every magician has a hot assistant, and every rock star has a roadie, and Pam is my hot roadie. |
| 22425 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
Yeah. I love being on the road, but I especially love the time and a half pay 24 hours a day, for three days. Cause I have a mortgage now, got a bring home the bucks. |
| 22426 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
Yeah, oh don't say bucks, it's not lady like. Here we go! Okay so what we do is drive all day and we stay in hotels together at night. |
| 22427 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
Separate rooms. |
| 22428 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
Well that goes without saying. |
| 22429 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
I'm going to say it anyway. |
| 22430 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
Hey! Look at what you're wearing again, Pam. Have you ever seen a magician's assistant? That's... |
| 22431 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
This is a new cardigan. |
| 22432 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
...kind of Maybe you could tie it around your waist or lose the shirt underneath or something. |
| 22433 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Pam |
No. |
| 22434 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3610 |
Michael |
No. Oh, all right. |
| 22435 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Jim |
Hey, Kelly. |
| 22436 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Kelly |
Screw you. |
| 22437 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior. |
| 22438 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Kelly |
Oh yeah? Screw you too. |
| 22439 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Jim |
Whoa! What was that all about. |
| 22440 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3611 |
Phyllis |
You forgot her birthday, it was yesterday. |
| 22441 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
Go ahead. |
| 22442 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Dwight |
Go ahead, you do it. |
| 22443 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 22444 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Dwight |
I insist. |
| 22445 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them to both step down from the party planning committee cause there was too much drama. |
| 22446 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Dwight |
What he said was... |
| 22447 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
Just, easy. |
| 22448 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Dwight |
...there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads. |
| 22449 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. |
| 22450 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Dwight |
I am a paper salesman, this is humiliating. That's on my side. |
| 22451 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3612 |
Jim |
So this is fun. |
| 22452 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3613 |
Kelly |
My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl. |
| 22453 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
Can I turn on the radio? |
| 22454 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Michael |
No. I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare. |
| 22455 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do. |
| 22456 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Michael |
Then listen to your iPod, Pam. |
| 22457 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
That's dangerous. |
| 22458 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Michael |
Well then... hey you know what then let's just talk. |
| 22459 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
That's okay I can... I'm fine. I'll just play a song in my head. |
| 22460 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Michael |
You nervous about seeing Karen again, since she was the other woman? Actually you were the other woman so... |
| 22461 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
No, that was a long time ago. |
| 22462 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Michael |
Is that why your wearing makeup today? |
| 22463 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3614 |
Pam |
No, I'm not even wearing that much. |
| 22464 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3615 |
Pam |
I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so... |
| 22465 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Julia |
Oh, this is a nice office. |
| 22466 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Stanley |
You don't have to lie. Through here. |
| 22467 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Andy |
Um Phyllis, who's that? |
| 22468 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Phyllis |
She's out of your league Andy. |
| 22469 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Andy |
For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful women. |
| 22470 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Phyllis |
Sexually? |
| 22471 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3616 |
Andy |
This conversation is over. |
| 22472 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3617 |
Andy |
I am single now. What we have here, is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. I intend to win. |
| 22473 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Jim |
We just wanted to say we are very sorry. |
| 22474 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Kelly |
Screw you guys. You're dead to me. |
| 22475 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Dwight |
If you say screw you one more time... |
| 22476 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Kelly |
Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that. |
| 22477 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Dwight |
Hey, HEY. |
| 22478 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Jim |
Guys guys guys guys guys guys. We just want to make it up to you. What can we do? |
| 22479 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Kelly |
I guess my only wish, would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen to anyone else ever again. |
| 22480 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Dwight |
Oh God. |
| 22481 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 22482 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Kelly |
In a way, it's good that it happened to me, because at least I can bear it. |
| 22483 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Dwight |
What kind of cake do you want imbecile. |
| 22484 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3618 |
Kelly |
Ice Cream. |
| 22485 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3619 |
Pam |
Okay, uh, point at the Dunder Mifflin. |
| 22486 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Hello, Rolando, how are you? |
| 22487 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Rolando |
Hi. |
| 22488 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Rolando, I'd like you to meet Pam. She is our receptionist. You know what? Maybe you guys could go out on a little friend date sometime. |
| 22489 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Rolando |
Uh, your late, everyone's already in the conference room. Karen will be right here to take you over. |
| 22490 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Okay, don't be nervous, just picture her naked. |
| 22491 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Pam |
Stop it, please. |
| 22492 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
That's what I do, steal my trick. |
| 22493 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Pam |
Please cut it out. |
| 22494 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Karen |
Hey. Hi, guys. |
| 22495 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Oh my God. Is that Jim's? |
| 22496 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Karen |
What! |
| 22497 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Pam |
Michael! |
| 22498 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Karen |
Of course not! |
| 22499 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Okay. Wow. Oh man! My head just exploded. Whoo! Thank God, for everybody right? Whoo kay. Wow, you're huge! That's incredible! I... God sorry, sorry my head is... I'm just, I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had s*x, and... |
| 22500 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Karen |
Let's just get this over with, shall we? |
| 22501 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3620 |
Michael |
Okay, Mm Hmm. Ten, ten months? |
| 22502 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
Are you kidding? |
| 22503 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
Well, I'm not done yet. |
| 22504 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
Dwight. This, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons? |
| 22505 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
They match the carpet |
| 22506 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
What is that? It is your birthday period. |
| 22507 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
It's a statement of fact. |
| 22508 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
Not even an exclamation point? |
| 22509 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer. |
| 22510 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
I can't believe how bad this looks. |
| 22511 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
Are you trying to hurt my feeling? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's. |
| 22512 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
Okay, good then. |
| 22513 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
Have you collected the money from everyone? |
| 22514 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
I am working on it. |
| 22515 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
How much do you have? |
| 22516 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
Six dollars. |
| 22517 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Dwight |
That's how much you and I contributed! I... Damn it Jim! |
| 22518 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3621 |
Jim |
I said I was working on it. |
| 22519 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3622 |
Andy |
Trying to see what CD's she got. It's good to know the deets about the girl you're wooing. Eh, Aha! Fiest. Yes! Whoa! Aah, Aah! |
| 22520 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3623 |
Michael |
NO! Oh, my God. Oh, No. That is so awful. That is the worst news. I have to go. I have to do a presentation. I'll talk to you... This is going to be hard for me to speak today. Because I just learned that my father has died. ... No, he didn't! He is alive. And this isn't even a cell phone. This is a calculator. But you bought it! And now you can't return it. Or can you? No you can't. Yes. Karen, do you need to go pump? |
| 22521 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3623 |
Karen |
Not gonna have to do that, till after I have the baby. No, I am wondering. What are you talking about? |
| 22522 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3623 |
Michael |
I am talking about, how you all need to sell an experience. Like I sold you on the idea that my father had died. |
| 22523 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3623 |
Karen |
But now we think you're a liar. |
| 22524 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3623 |
Michael |
Would a liar bring mini Mounds bars? |
| 22525 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3624 |
Michael |
I am a theatrical person. Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor. Because I have, these memorization tricks that I use. Um, for instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God. With a woof-woof here, and a woof-woof there. Here a woof, there a woof. Everywhere a woof, woof. Um, you get it. |
| 22526 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me you names. I have an amazing mnemonic device, by which I have memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are, and I have used that to memorize your name. Baldy, your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny, it is reflective like a mirror. "M" your name is Mark. |
| 22527 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Mark |
Yes. |
| 22528 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
Got it. It works. |
| 22529 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Karen |
Uh, it's very insulting. |
| 22530 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
But it works. I would like you all to give this a shot. What do you say? |
| 22531 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Mark |
But we already know each other's names. |
| 22532 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
Well, then it will be easier for you. But I, I still think it's worthwhile, to give a, give it a try. |
| 22533 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Karen |
Okay. All right everyone, meeting's over. |
| 22534 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
Oh, I still have more. |
| 22535 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Karen |
Can I please see you in my office, please? |
| 22536 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3625 |
Michael |
She is pregnant. She is knocked up. "K" Karen. Pam, let's go. |
| 22537 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3626 |
Julia |
I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget. |
| 22538 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3626 |
Andy |
Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather... |
| 22539 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3626 |
Stanley |
Four Splenda. Are you crazy? |
| 22540 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3626 |
Andy |
Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the songs goes. |
| 22541 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Stanley |
Are you out of your damn mind? |
| 22542 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Andy |
Are you out of your damn mind? You bring an angel like that into this office, and you don't even set me up with her. |
| 22543 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Stanley |
We're not friends. I didn't think about it. |
| 22544 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Andy |
We are friends. Stanley, we're friends. And you let me down. |
| 22545 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Stanley |
You really like her, huh? |
| 22546 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Andy |
Yeah. I really like her with all my heart. |
| 22547 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3627 |
Stanley |
Give me two clients for her. |
| 22548 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
I grab this , and I turn it on and I say, "Prepare yourself, for the Utica chain store massacre." |
| 22549 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
No that's, that is incredibly dangerous. |
| 22550 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
No, don't worry, the chain is off. |
| 22551 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
No it's not. |
| 22552 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
You know, I think I'm just gonna distill all this, and send it in an email to my team. |
| 22553 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
Email's not scary. This is an opportunity. Don't, don't blow it. |
| 22554 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
So when are you due? |
| 22555 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Uh, in about a month. |
| 22556 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
Wow, that is wonderful, congratulations. |
| 22557 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Thank you. It just all happened so fast. |
| 22558 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
It's really amazing. Congratulations Karen. So is there a guy or, uh, a person. Or, uh, a sperm machine that did this to you, or? |
| 22559 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Yes, Michael. My husband impregnated me. |
| 22560 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
Oh, great. |
| 22561 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
His name is Dan, uh, this is us. So dorky. |
| 22562 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
Oh, he's cute. |
| 22563 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Yeah, he's so cute. He's a dermatologist. We met a bar. Can you believe that? |
| 22564 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
What is happening there? |
| 22565 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Oh, yeah. Don't even. That's really dorky. |
| 22566 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
It's really sweet. |
| 22567 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
No, it's really dorky. You were right the first time. |
| 22568 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
So, how are things in Scranton? How's Jim? |
| 22569 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
Uh, they're good. Uh, Jim's good. We're engaged. |
| 22570 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
That's so great. That's great. |
| 22571 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 22572 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Karen |
Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you. |
| 22573 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3628 |
Michael |
Old hatreds dissolve into new friendships. It's a really wonderful moment. |
| 22574 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Stanley |
I have to take care of a couple things. So Andy will be taking over things here. You're in good hands, and give my best to your mother. |
| 22575 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Andy |
So Julia, um, let's see. With regards to, uh, billing. Should we send bills to you, or to your boyfriend's house or? |
| 22576 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Julia |
No, it could go straight to our business address. |
| 22577 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Andy |
Oh Okay, all right. That makes sense. How does your boyfriend, deal with your phenomenal success? Is he just, like, totally threatened by you, or? |
| 22578 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Julia |
Actually, I, I don't have a boyfriend. |
| 22579 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3629 |
Andy |
Really? Is that... wow, that's so weird. |
| 22580 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Andy |
Guys, stop everything. I'm about to ask out this girl, and I'm completely panicking. |
| 22581 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Oscar |
Oh, my desk is over... |
| 22582 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Creed |
This gal, she's really into you? |
| 22583 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Andy |
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen her, like, three times today. And we love all the same music, and whenever I walk into a room, she totally looks up. |
| 22584 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Creed |
All right, all right. Say no more. So, this is how I got squeaky fromme. No small talk. Just show her who's the boss. Just go right in and kiss her. |
| 22585 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Andy |
Okay, it sounds risky. |
| 22586 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Creed |
Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim? |
| 22587 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3630 |
Andy |
Wait, what? |
| 22588 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Michael |
I would give that lecture a solid B+. Although, for the record, Karen. Wow, kind of mean. |
| 22589 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Pam |
I like her. |
| 22590 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Michael |
Really? No, honestly. Tell me what you really think. |
| 22591 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Pam |
I'm serious. Um, I'm really glad I came. |
| 22592 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 22593 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3631 |
Pam |
Because, um, cause I'll never wonder ever again. If I did something wrong and... Now I have closure. She's happy and, I don't know, it feels good. |
| 22594 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
Thanks for walking me out. |
| 22595 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Oh, my pleasure. Yeah, there's all kinds of weirdo's out here, so... |
| 22596 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
You must be freezing. |
| 22597 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
I am about to die. Will you wait here while I go get my jacket? |
| 22598 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
Oh, no, it's okay. This is my car. |
| 22599 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Okay, Okay. Well listen, you're a new client, and as one of my new clients, you will always be taken care of. And that is the Nard-Dog guarantee. |
| 22600 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
What's a "Nard-Dog"? |
| 22601 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
This is the Nard-Dog. |
| 22602 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
Whoa. What the hell? |
| 22603 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh I, I thought we had this energy. And I'm a mess. And I just had my heart broken. And you came in today and your so pretty. You're, like, incredibly pretty. |
| 22604 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
I just got out of a relationship too. It's really hard. |
| 22605 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Yeah, right? Wow. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Go to a mall of something? Just walk around? |
| 22606 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
No, I, I don't think so. |
| 22607 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Sure, yeah that's... your right. It's too soon for... definitely too soon for me. So I'm glad we go that out of the way. I'm gonna be in touch with you. In three months. I'm gonna call you about that order. And maybe about that mall walk. |
| 22608 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
Okay. |
| 22609 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Take care Julia. |
| 22610 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Julia |
Thank you. |
| 22611 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3632 |
Andy |
Sorry I tried to kiss y... |
| 22612 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3633 |
Andy |
We lost the account. |
| 22613 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Dwight |
Damn it! Dwight Schrute. |
| 22614 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Jim |
How old's Kelly? |
| 22615 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Dwight |
Who is this? |
| 22616 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Jim |
It's Mose. Who do you think it is? |
| 22617 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Dwight |
Mose doesn't know how to use a phone. So joke's on you. |
| 22618 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Jim |
Look, I'm at the supermarket, and they only have numbered candles. How old is she? |
| 22619 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Dwight |
Uh, 24. 37. |
| 22620 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Jim |
Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation? |
| 22621 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3634 |
Dwight |
I'll call you back. |
| 22622 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3635 |
Dwight |
I have here Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidental file. Allow me to share. "Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berks County Youth Center." Juvie. "According to past employers, it in no way affects her job perfor..." Blah, Blah, Blah. |
| 22623 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Pam |
Are you asleep? |
| 22624 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Michael |
No. I'm just thinking about what you said, about Karen, about closure. You remember Holly? She used to work for H.R.? |
| 22625 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Pam |
No, remind me. |
| 22626 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Michael |
Blonde hair, nice boobs. Not too big, not too small. |
| 22627 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Pam |
Perfect boobs, of course I remember Holly. |
| 22628 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Michael |
She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she... she just left. And I didn't... I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that. |
| 22629 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Pam |
Okay, lets go. |
| 22630 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Michael |
I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester. |
| 22631 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Pam |
Yeah, screw 'em. Let's do this. |
| 22632 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3636 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 22633 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3637 |
Jim |
So I am collecting $3 from everybody. For Kelly's party. |
| 22634 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3637 |
Creed |
I'd like to contribute. |
| 22635 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3637 |
Jim |
Oh, great. |
| 22636 |
5 |
16 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) |
3637 |
Creed |
There you go. |
| 22637 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3638 |
Michael |
I am on a lecture circuit. I'm goin' around to all the branches, and I'm telling them my secret recipe for success. |
| 22638 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3639 |
Michael |
I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy. |
| 22639 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3640 |
Michael |
And I turn it on and I say 'Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre.' |
| 22640 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3641 |
Karen |
How's Jim? |
| 22641 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3641 |
Pam |
We're engaged. |
| 22642 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3641 |
Karen |
Oh my God, I'm so happy for you! |
| 22643 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3641 |
Pam |
Oh, wow, thank you! |
| 22644 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3642 |
Michael |
You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. |
| 22645 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3642 |
Pam |
... Okay, let's go. |
| 22646 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3643 |
Oscar |
Two? |
| 22647 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3643 |
Kevin |
I didn't eat lunch. I didn't eat all my lunch. |
| 22648 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good. |
| 22649 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Kevin |
It... yeah. |
| 22650 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Oscar |
Angela, you're more chipper than usual. |
| 22651 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive. |
| 22652 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Meredith |
How much? |
| 22653 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
Seven thousand dollars. |
| 22654 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Creed |
For a cat? I could get you a kid for that. |
| 22655 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Oscar |
Where'd you get that kind of money? |
| 22656 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay. |
| 22657 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Kevin |
Wait, you didn't give it back? |
| 22658 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady! |
| 22659 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Meredith |
Seven grand? |
| 22660 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
Mm-hmm. |
| 22661 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Meredith |
I gotta see that little bitch. |
| 22662 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3644 |
Angela |
I have something better than a picture. Come on. |
| 22663 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Oscar |
You have your cats on Nanny-Cam? |
| 22664 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Angela |
Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year. |
| 22665 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Meredith |
She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation. |
| 22666 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Angela |
Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone. |
| 22667 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Kevin |
Any cat, you mean. |
| 22668 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3645 |
Angela |
And person. |
| 22669 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3646 |
Pam |
So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! I've been driving too long. |
| 22670 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
What did you do? |
| 22671 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
Stop yelling at me! |
| 22672 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
What did you do? |
| 22673 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
I didn't do anything! |
| 22674 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm? |
| 22675 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Hey! What the hell's goin' on? |
| 22676 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15. |
| 22677 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
I was kickin' it. |
| 22678 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
In juvie. |
| 22679 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
What? |
| 22680 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers! |
| 22681 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 22682 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
For reha- |
| 22683 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Got it. |
| 22684 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
What did you do? Huh? |
| 22685 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy. |
| 22686 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do? |
| 22687 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday! |
| 22688 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Dwight |
I thought you said yesterday was your birthday! |
| 22689 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Hey, you know what? I got you a cake. |
| 22690 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
You did? I wanna see the cake. |
| 22691 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
And... ta da. |
| 22692 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
I hate it. |
| 22693 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
How do you hate it? It's a cake. |
| 22694 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Kelly |
Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly! |
| 22695 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3647 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 22696 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3648 |
Jim |
I forgot if there was an "e" between the "l" and the "y." I still don't know. |
| 22697 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Kelly |
I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?! |
| 22698 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Jim |
Birthday. |
| 22699 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Dwight |
Frosting. |
| 22700 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Kelly |
Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme. |
| 22701 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Phyllis |
There's always a theme. |
| 22702 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Dwight |
Nice job on the cake, Bozo! |
| 22703 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3649 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl. |
| 22704 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3650 |
Pam |
Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah. |
| 22705 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3651 |
Michael |
Do I look okay? |
| 22706 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3651 |
Pam |
You look good. |
| 22707 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 22708 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Receptionist |
Hi, can I help you? |
| 22709 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Michael |
Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch. |
| 22710 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Receptionist |
Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat. |
| 22711 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Michael |
Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here? |
| 22712 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Receptionist |
Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days. |
| 22713 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Michael |
Oh- She's not here? |
| 22714 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Receptionist |
But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here. |
| 22715 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Michael |
A.J. |
| 22716 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3652 |
Receptionist |
Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there. |
| 22717 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
She has a boyfriend. |
| 22718 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry, Michael. |
| 22719 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
How could she do this to me, Pam? |
| 22720 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
She's not doing it to hurt you. |
| 22721 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God! |
| 22722 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but- |
| 22723 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay? |
| 22724 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing. |
| 22725 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die. |
| 22726 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
Yeah, maybe. |
| 22727 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
Maybe. One step at a time. |
| 22728 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Pam |
You can do this. |
| 22729 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3653 |
Michael |
I can do this. |
| 22730 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Oscar |
It could be snacks, or- |
| 22731 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Kevin |
Why would we- |
| 22732 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Oscar |
Wha- |
| 22733 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Kevin |
Is that what I think it is? |
| 22734 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Oscar |
Good God! |
| 22735 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Kevin |
That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady! |
| 22736 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Angela |
No! |
| 22737 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Meredith |
Awesome! |
| 22738 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Angela |
Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed. |
| 22739 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Meredith |
Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed. |
| 22740 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Kevin |
No way. |
| 22741 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Angela |
No, now listen. You can't let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh! |
| 22742 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3654 |
Kevin |
Oh, the other one's watching. |
| 22743 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Jim |
Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake. |
| 22744 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Dwight |
Busy! |
| 22745 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Jim |
Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about? |
| 22746 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Dwight |
Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face. |
| 22747 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Jim |
You know what? I could use a little help. |
| 22748 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Dwight |
You know what? I'm a little busy. |
| 22749 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Jim |
We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign? |
| 22750 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Dwight |
It's not effeminate. It's festive. |
| 22751 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Jim |
You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3! |
| 22752 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3655 |
Stanley |
I know, I just read it on the sign. |
| 22753 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper" and get them to "Show us the money!" Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name? |
| 22754 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
A.J. |
| 22755 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
A.J. What kind of name is A.J.? |
| 22756 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
What do you race cars? |
| 22757 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand. |
| 22758 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date? |
| 22759 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
Yeah. Why, are you interested? |
| 22760 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Woman |
I have a question about discounts from distributors. |
| 22761 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious? |
| 22762 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
It's pretty serious, yes. |
| 22763 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Huh- Does she ever talk about me? |
| 22764 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Pam |
Oh, God. |
| 22765 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
Excuse me? |
| 22766 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Man |
What does this have to do with sales? |
| 22767 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
It's all connected. Shut up. Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?' |
| 22768 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
No, what are you talking about? |
| 22769 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Does it feel good? |
| 22770 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
A.J. |
Does what feel good? |
| 22771 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Your life. Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. Oh, wow. Ooh, okay. |
| 22772 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Pam |
Michael, get off the floor! |
| 22773 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards. |
| 22774 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Pam |
No, no, no, you have to do it- |
| 22775 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Michael |
No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. Okay... okay. |
| 22776 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3656 |
Pam |
That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump. |
| 22777 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3657 |
Pam |
Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition. |
| 22778 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3658 |
Angela |
Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now. |
| 22779 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3658 |
Kevin |
This is getting weird. |
| 22780 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3658 |
Oscar |
Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? |
| 22781 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3658 |
Kevin |
Ohhh... |
| 22782 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3659 |
Angela |
Has this been on the entire time? |
| 22783 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3659 |
Oscar |
I have no idea. |
| 22784 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3659 |
Kevin |
I was looking at pictures of food on my computer. |
| 22785 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3659 |
Angela |
Well, sorry I'm late. |
| 22786 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3660 |
Oscar |
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball. |
| 22787 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3661 |
Pam |
Don't look up. Don't look up. |
| 22788 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
Want some pie? |
| 22789 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
No. |
| 22790 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
I went through Holly's things. |
| 22791 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
What? |
| 22792 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
I stole a sleeve of her sweater. |
| 22793 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael... |
| 22794 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael." |
| 22795 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
You did what? |
| 22796 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it. |
| 22797 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
She never sent it to you? |
| 22798 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it. |
| 22799 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
No. |
| 22800 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 22801 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust. |
| 22802 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
How? |
| 22803 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
Because, she didn't send it to you! |
| 22804 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
I know, I know. You're right, you're right. |
| 22805 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
I could read it. |
| 22806 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
No, that wouldn't- |
| 22807 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
Yeah, I could read it. |
| 22808 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
No, you don't have to do that. |
| 22809 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
Go get your laptop. |
| 22810 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 22811 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3662 |
Pam |
What? I'm not in love with her. |
| 22812 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
You have to write my suggestions down, too. |
| 22813 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
I'm not writing, "Horse Hunt." I don't even know what that means. |
| 22814 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
It's in the name. |
| 22815 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting. |
| 22816 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid. |
| 22817 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved? |
| 22818 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord. |
| 22819 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one. |
| 22820 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. What about you? |
| 22821 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome. |
| 22822 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Dwight |
That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed. |
| 22823 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3663 |
Jim |
Didn't see that one coming. |
| 22824 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Pam |
It's deleted. |
| 22825 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Michael |
Well? |
| 22826 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Pam |
She still has feelings for you. |
| 22827 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Michael |
She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say? |
| 22828 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Pam |
I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over. |
| 22829 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Michael |
You're sure? |
| 22830 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3664 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 22831 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
All |
Happy Birthday! |
| 22832 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Meredith |
Surprise! |
| 22833 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Hey, it's not a surprise. |
| 22834 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
Not a surprise. |
| 22835 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
This doesn't look good. |
| 22836 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly? |
| 22837 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Told you. |
| 22838 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
You haven't heard our theme, though. |
| 22839 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
You don't hear a theme, you see it... why is there a chicklet on my cake? |
| 22840 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television. |
| 22841 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Our theme, if you will. |
| 22842 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping. |
| 22843 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
That's our theme. |
| 22844 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
Cool. |
| 22845 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 22846 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
I love it. |
| 22847 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what's it gonna be, Kapoor? |
| 22848 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kevin |
Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each? |
| 22849 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 22850 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
No. |
| 22851 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kevin |
Oh, then pick TV. |
| 22852 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Meredith |
Take a nap! |
| 22853 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Oscar |
TV. |
| 22854 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kevin |
No, watching TV at work is really cool. |
| 22855 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Stanley |
Take a nap, nothing good is on TV right now. |
| 22856 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Creed |
Bonnie Hunt is on. |
| 22857 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap. |
| 22858 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 22859 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let's go. |
| 22860 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Meredith |
Surprise. |
| 22861 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Move it! Let's go, go, go, go, go. I got this. |
| 22862 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Jim |
Ahem. This is for you... and ...Happy Birthday, Kel. |
| 22863 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
Thank you. |
| 22864 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Dwight |
Okay, you've got one hour. |
| 22865 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3665 |
Kelly |
I'm too excited to sleep. |
| 22866 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3666 |
Dwight |
Mm, great cake. |
| 22867 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3666 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 22868 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3667 |
Dwight |
Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. Many happy returns. |
| 22869 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Michael |
I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something. |
| 22870 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Pam |
No, we don't need to do that. |
| 22871 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Michael |
Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him! |
| 22872 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Pam |
You mean Tony? |
| 22873 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Michael |
Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony! |
| 22874 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. |
| 22875 |
5 |
17 |
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) |
3668 |
Michael |
Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty. |
| 22876 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Phone Salesman |
Hi. |
| 22877 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Pam |
Good morning, can I help you? |
| 22878 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Phone Salesman |
Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott. |
| 22879 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, he's not in right now. |
| 22880 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Phone Salesman |
Really? He's never around when I come by. |
| 22881 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3669 |
Pam |
Shoot. |
| 22882 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3670 |
Pam |
They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. Vending machine. |
| 22883 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Phone Salesman |
How about I make an appointment to come back? That way, I know he'll be here. |
| 22884 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Pam |
That is a great idea. |
| 22885 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Phone Salesman |
Great. |
| 22886 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Pam |
Um, oh boy, let's see, he's really... |
| 22887 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim |
Michael Scott, manager. Hi, how are ya? |
| 22888 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Pam |
There he is! |
| 22889 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Phone Salesman |
Oh, hi! Great. |
| 22890 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim |
Nice to meet you, yeah. Whew! I can assure you we don't need a new system though. Happy with ours. |
| 22891 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
Hello, may I help you? |
| 22892 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim |
Jimbo! |
| 22893 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
...Jim. |
| 22894 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim |
Ayyyy! |
| 22895 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
Ayyyy! |
| 22896 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Pam |
Ayyyy! |
| 22897 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
Ayyyy! |
| 22898 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim |
Ayyyy! |
| 22899 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Dwight |
Ayyyy! |
| 22900 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim, Pam, Michael, Dwight |
Ayyyy! |
| 22901 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Phone Salesman |
Ok. I'm, uh, I'll be going. |
| 22902 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Jim, Pam, Michael, Dwight |
Ayyyy! |
| 22903 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
What was that? |
| 22904 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Pam |
That was funny. |
| 22905 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3671 |
Michael |
That was funny. Let's go do it to somebody else. Ayyyy! |
| 22906 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3672 |
Michael |
Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud? |
| 22907 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3672 |
Kevin |
I miss Stacy. |
| 22908 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3672 |
Michael |
Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting... |
| 22909 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3672 |
Kevin |
I can't even imagine. |
| 22910 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3673 |
Pam |
This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances. |
| 22911 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3673 |
Jim |
You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but. |
| 22912 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3673 |
Pam |
Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday? |
| 22913 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3673 |
Jim |
Yeah. She's fine. |
| 22914 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3674 |
Kelly |
So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too. |
| 22915 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3675 |
Michael |
Oh, wow look at those. How nice for you. Up there, front and center, beautiful. I think they would look better right here. They're very pretty and I wouldn't want them to fall. |
| 22916 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3676 |
Michael |
Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces. |
| 22917 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Pam, really, they're back? |
| 22918 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Pam |
I can't see them when they're on the floor |
| 22919 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
They're for her to look at, Michael. |
| 22920 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Can I have a word with you, Jim? |
| 22921 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
Yes, let's have a word. |
| 22922 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office. |
| 22923 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 22924 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment. |
| 22925 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
I understand that. |
| 22926 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Dwight |
So sexy it becomes hostile. |
| 22927 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 22928 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key. |
| 22929 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest-- |
| 22930 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
We do. |
| 22931 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
--that none of us can be a part of-- |
| 22932 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Pam |
You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael. |
| 22933 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
--then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party. |
| 22934 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Jim |
That sounds fun. |
| 22935 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only. |
| 22936 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Dwight |
Yeah, deal with it Pam! |
| 22937 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3677 |
Michael |
So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other. |
| 22938 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3678 |
Dwight |
Having trouble finding a vein? |
| 22939 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3678 |
Blood Drive Worker |
Yup, a little. |
| 22940 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3678 |
Dwight |
How about now? |
| 22941 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3679 |
Dwight |
I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my pen1s up into itself. |
| 22942 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids, oh wow, that's a big needle, that -- |
| 22943 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Drive Worker |
You're gonna need to lie down right over here. |
| 22944 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Okay. Hello. |
| 22945 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Hi, I cant talk right now. I'm sorry. |
| 22946 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. |
| 22947 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Whew, I'm really nervous. |
| 22948 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Yeah, me too. |
| 22949 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Yeah, when I get nervous I sort of clam up. |
| 22950 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Oh, well, that's fine. |
| 22951 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Whew, it's better for me just to be quiet, yeah. |
| 22952 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Yeah, can I point something out to you? |
| 22953 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Sure. |
| 22954 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
You're actually talking a lot. |
| 22955 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Sorry, it's the other thing I do when I get really nervous. |
| 22956 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Okay, here we go. |
| 22957 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Drive Worker |
Alright, here we go. |
| 22958 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Oh, God. |
| 22959 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Drive Worker |
Just relax. |
| 22960 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Yup, I'm good, whew. Wow, I feel like a human juicebox. Hawaiian blood punch. |
| 22961 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
Oh, that's gross. |
| 22962 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Michael |
Type O-Ocean Spray. |
| 22963 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3680 |
Blood Girl |
God, stop. Stop it. |
| 22964 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3681 |
Phyllis |
Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. Michael is terrified of bob. |
| 22965 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3681 |
Pam |
What do you think? |
| 22966 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3681 |
Jim |
I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves. |
| 22967 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3681 |
Pam |
We're in. |
| 22968 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
Yick. |
| 22969 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
What? |
| 22970 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
I looked at the bag. |
| 22971 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
Ew. |
| 22972 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
I looked straight at the bag. |
| 22973 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
That's not good. |
| 22974 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
Could you distract me for a second, just talk about things that don't have blood in them? |
| 22975 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
Well, ok... bags! Alright, that was bad. |
| 22976 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
That was mean. |
| 22977 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
Um, a hat. |
| 22978 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
A hat. |
| 22979 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
A hat with no blood in it? |
| 22980 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
That is full of soup. |
| 22981 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
You're cute. |
| 22982 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
What? |
| 22983 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Drive Worker |
You're done. |
| 22984 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
Oh, already. |
| 22985 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
Ah, we did it! |
| 22986 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Michael |
Whew, wow I was so nervous about this I don't think I ate for three days. |
| 22987 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3682 |
Blood Girl |
Is he OK? |
| 22988 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Michael |
Oh my God, how long was I out? |
| 22989 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Hank |
What? |
| 22990 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Michael |
Excuse me, waitress, where did the lady go? |
| 22991 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Blood Drive Worker |
Oh. She left. |
| 22992 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Michael |
OK. Oh, wait a second, wait a second, that's hers. This is hers, she left her glove. I need her name if I'm gonna return her glove. |
| 22993 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3683 |
Blood Drive Worker |
I'm sorry sir we can't give out that information. |
| 22994 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3684 |
Meredith |
What are you doing? |
| 22995 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3684 |
Kelly |
Decorating. |
| 22996 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3684 |
Meredith |
I'll help. Now it's just a stupid baby. |
| 22997 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3684 |
Kelly |
Yeah, thanks. |
| 22998 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Phyllis |
It is so nice to go out with another couple. |
| 22999 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Pam |
Anything to get out of that office. |
| 23000 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Phyllis |
I know |
| 23001 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Bob Vance |
I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass. |
| 23002 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Phyllis |
He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy. |
| 23003 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3685 |
Jim |
Oh yeah, I understood. |
| 23004 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Michael |
Well here we all are. Alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships. I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story, and then get past it, just blow through it, yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly, yeah? |
| 23005 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Kelly |
Well, his heart was in the right place. |
| 23006 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Michael |
Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random s*x. Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar. |
| 23007 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Oscar |
I don't think so. |
| 23008 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Michael |
Come on, I'm sure there's something you need to get off your chest. |
| 23009 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Oscar |
I can't. |
| 23010 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3686 |
Michael |
If you wanna just, anything? Are you sure? I'm sure whatever you did it wasn't your fault. OK well, who else? |
| 23011 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Bob Vance |
Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. |
| 23012 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
No way, a 280? |
| 23013 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Pam |
Wow, that's impressive. |
| 23014 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Phyllis |
Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand. |
| 23015 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 23016 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Phyllis |
Come on, Bob. Raise your hand. |
| 23017 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
No. Bob, no. No! |
| 23018 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Pam |
What? |
| 23019 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Bob Vance |
One time. You love bringing up that one time, don't you? |
| 23020 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Phyllis |
Yes I do. |
| 23021 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Pam |
Jim uses a 6 pound ball. |
| 23022 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
That is a lie, that is a lie. |
| 23023 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Pam |
Yes, he bowled 5 frames with this pink sparkly thing until a little girl had to ask for her ball back. |
| 23024 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit. |
| 23025 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Pam |
No, you just have little dainty fingers. |
| 23026 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Bob Vance |
Oh yeah. You can always model ladies' jewelry. |
| 23027 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3687 |
Jim |
Nobody asked, Bob! |
| 23028 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself? |
| 23029 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Angela |
Oh God, what did you do? I mean, not that I approve of any of it but... |
| 23030 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
I was stupid, I told him. |
| 23031 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Kevin |
Was he in to you in like a gay way? |
| 23032 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story. |
| 23033 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
He told me he wasn't gay. |
| 23034 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Really sad. |
| 23035 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
I'm not done yet. |
| 23036 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Oh my God. |
| 23037 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Kevin |
A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City." |
| 23038 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him! |
| 23039 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Angela |
My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me. |
| 23040 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here. |
| 23041 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Angela |
No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David. |
| 23042 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you? |
| 23043 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Angela |
I guess I have. Huh. |
| 23044 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Alright who's next? Where's Andy? |
| 23045 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
He's on one of his honeymoons. |
| 23046 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
What? |
| 23047 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Oscar |
He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage. |
| 23048 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Kevin |
My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we were reading the paper, and I said "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!" and she said that we're done. |
| 23049 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
You know what guys? I don't think we need to do this. |
| 23050 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
You're right. OK everyone, back to work. |
| 23051 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. I mean have this kind of party. I look around and I see all these beautiful people who are alone on Valentine's, and I think that there are other single people out there too. We just need to find them. There's a girl out there for all of us maybe even in this office park. There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together. |
| 23052 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
A net? a giant net? |
| 23053 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
No. Not a giant net. |
| 23054 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
What do you have in mind? |
| 23055 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
I was thinking maybe like a mixer. |
| 23056 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
Oh God, that's a terrible idea. |
| 23057 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
Old fashioned meet market -- |
| 23058 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 23059 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Michael |
-- I don't think it is. |
| 23060 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3688 |
Dwight |
Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? Ha, you're not allowing natural selection to do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt. |
| 23061 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3689 |
Michael |
These people need love and I am going to get it for them Who cares if we sell a little bit less paper today? A great boss cares more about the happiness of his employees then anything else. I am going to be cupid, and I am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims, and they are going to get hit and say "I'm in love I was hit by cupid's sparrow." Funny little bird, but he gets the job done. |
| 23062 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 23063 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Hey. No movement. |
| 23064 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Ah, still early. |
| 23065 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Eh, its not that early. |
| 23066 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
So how you holding up? |
| 23067 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
I'm ok. Feel a little lopsided because of all the blood they took out of my right side. |
| 23068 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
No. No, I meant about being single today. |
| 23069 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Oh. Meh. |
| 23070 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Meh, exactly. Eh. |
| 23071 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Eh. |
| 23072 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Oh, here we go. |
| 23073 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 23074 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 23075 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Dwight |
Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight. |
| 23076 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Babe alert! Hello, I'm Michael Scott, welcome to our little shindig. |
| 23077 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Lynn |
Oh, hi! I'm Lynn. |
| 23078 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Lynn, follow me, come on in. For you we have one of our top people Kevin Malone. Kevin, come out here show your beautiful self. |
| 23079 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Kevin |
Hello. |
| 23080 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Lynn |
Hi. |
| 23081 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
So run with the ball! Run with it, Kev. Where you from? |
| 23082 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Kevin |
I'm from here! |
| 23083 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Michael |
Yeah, OK. Well, he only gets better. |
| 23084 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3690 |
Kevin |
Thank you, Michael. |
| 23085 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Dwight |
I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead. |
| 23086 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Blonde |
I- I- believe you. |
| 23087 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Dwight |
You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today. |
| 23088 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Blonde |
Um, I work at a place that does catalogs for community colleges and small businesses. |
| 23089 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Dwight |
You must use a lot of paper. |
| 23090 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3691 |
Blonde |
Oh God tons of it . |
| 23091 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Pam |
What's the rule about eating when people are in the bathroom? |
| 23092 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Jim |
I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat. |
| 23093 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Pam |
Oh, damn. They've been in there for like ten minutes. |
| 23094 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Jim |
Look at that. Bob ordered hot food. |
| 23095 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Pam |
Yes. And I think they gave him too many fries. |
| 23096 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3692 |
Jim |
We should help him out. |
| 23097 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3693 |
Kevin |
At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool. |
| 23098 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3693 |
Lynn |
That does sound cool. |
| 23099 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3693 |
Kevin |
I used to go there with my fiance . Before she left me . No, I mean, before I left her . She left me. |
| 23100 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3694 |
Kevin |
I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast. |
| 23101 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3695 |
Michael |
So, Eric. You mentioned before that you are in tool and dye repair. |
| 23102 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3695 |
Eric |
I am. |
| 23103 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3695 |
Michael |
Meredith recently had a total hysterectomy, so that's sort of a repair. Alright, I'll let you guys talk. |
| 23104 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3696 |
Michael |
It's going very well. People are mixing, a lot of hope. Cause that's what you hate to see, when hope gets crushed. Sorry, thought I heard somebody coming in. Um, so it's not too late. |
| 23105 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Dwight |
...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door? |
| 23106 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Michael |
No reason. |
| 23107 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Dwight |
Is somebody after you? |
| 23108 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Oscar |
Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office? |
| 23109 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Dwight |
Hey, it just takes one! |
| 23110 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Michael |
Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by. |
| 23111 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Kelly |
You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic. |
| 23112 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Michael |
It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her. |
| 23113 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale. |
| 23114 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Meredith |
She could be your soul mate. |
| 23115 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Dwight |
Oh, not likely. 3 billion woman on the planet, most of them live in Asia so the numbers just don't add up. |
| 23116 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Oscar |
It's possible. |
| 23117 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Kelly |
She could be. |
| 23118 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Michael |
Believe me its nothing. I hardly even talked to her we just, we were lying there next to each other, I think our blood bags touched. |
| 23119 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3697 |
Kelly |
Aww. |
| 23120 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Jim |
Here they come. |
| 23121 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Pam |
What? |
| 23122 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Jim |
No, just kidding. Seriously though, that's enough. |
| 23123 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Pam |
Well, you should cover it with the broccoli. |
| 23124 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Jim |
Oh great, I have to cover? |
| 23125 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Pam |
Do you think they dined and dashed? |
| 23126 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Jim |
Well they didn't dine so, yeah, maybe they just dashed. |
| 23127 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Pam |
I thought we were having a nice time. |
| 23128 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Jim |
We were. |
| 23129 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3698 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 23130 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3699 |
Jim |
Empty. |
| 23131 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3699 |
Pam |
Mine too. |
| 23132 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3699 |
Jim |
Oh boy. |
| 23133 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3699 |
Pam |
My God. |
| 23134 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3699 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 23135 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3700 |
Girl |
Is this the party? |
| 23136 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3700 |
Michael |
Nah. |
| 23137 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Bob Vance |
OK then. |
| 23138 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Jim |
So... |
| 23139 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Bob Vance |
Where were we? |
| 23140 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Phyllis |
Bowling. |
| 23141 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Pam |
Yep, that, yeah. |
| 23142 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Bob Vance |
You didn't eat much there Jimbo. |
| 23143 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Jim |
Oh initially I did. |
| 23144 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Bob Vance |
Want some meat? |
| 23145 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Phyllis |
Oh sure, a little piece. Ooh, no mushroom though. |
| 23146 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Bob Vance |
Forgot. |
| 23147 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3701 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, thank you. |
| 23148 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Kevin |
Hey, I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very nervous talking to pretty girls. Seriously, feel how sweaty my hand is. |
| 23149 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Lynn |
That's really sweaty. |
| 23150 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Kevin |
Are you on email? |
| 23151 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Lynn |
Oh, yeah. |
| 23152 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Kevin |
Cool. Bye. |
| 23153 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3702 |
Lynn |
Bye, Kevin. |
| 23154 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3703 |
Kevin |
Good Valentine's. |
| 23155 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Dwight |
So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you. |
| 23156 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Blonde |
OK. |
| 23157 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Dwight |
OK, what's up? |
| 23158 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Blonde |
Look, I'm gonna go... |
| 23159 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Dwight |
Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign-- |
| 23160 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Blonde |
Look, we already have a paper supplier. |
| 23161 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Dwight |
OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God! |
| 23162 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Michael |
Hey, you don't deserve her. |
| 23163 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3704 |
Dwight |
Thanks, Michael. |
| 23164 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Michael |
Hey, if anybody wants to go... |
| 23165 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Oscar |
We can stay a little longer. |
| 23166 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Michael |
Really? Oh, thanks. |
| 23167 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Kelly |
Michael, it's time. |
| 23168 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Michael |
You know what, you guys, you guys can get out I'm gonna soldier on a little bit. |
| 23169 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Oscar |
Come on, we'll all go. |
| 23170 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3705 |
Michael |
OK. |
| 23171 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3706 |
Michael |
Four months ago, I dated a woman named Holly and, um, this is actually the first time that I've even considered getting back into that arena again. You know what, sometimes it's not about whether Cinderella gets her slipper back, but it's about the fact that the prince even picked up the slipper at all. There's a lot of princesses out there. You know, they have all different sizes and shapes of feet and hands so I think, I think my odds are pretty good. |
| 23172 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3707 |
Stanley |
Pardon me, may I have a chocolate chip cookie? I gave blood earlier and I'm still feeling woozy. |
| 23173 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3707 |
Blood Drive Worker |
Of course. That's weird. You got a cotton ball and tape and we've been using Band-Aids. |
| 23174 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3707 |
Stanley |
I, uh-oh I feel so woozy I just Band-Aids. |
| 23175 |
5 |
18 |
Blood Drive |
3707 |
Phyllis |
Damn. |
| 23176 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Yeah, that's no problem. |
| 23177 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Pam? |
| 23178 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Sure. Uh huh. |
| 23179 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Pam? Knock, knock. |
| 23180 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
I'm on the phone. |
| 23181 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
I know you are. Knock, knock. |
| 23182 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1-- |
| 23183 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
4-9-1-7-4-5-1 |
| 23184 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. It really makes us look unprofessional. |
| 23185 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock. |
| 23186 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Who's there? |
| 23187 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Buddha. |
| 23188 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Buddha who? |
| 23189 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Buddha this bread for me, won't you? |
| 23190 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 23191 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
I, I need something to wipe my hand. |
| 23192 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Pam |
Now there's, there's butter on my desk. |
| 23193 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
That was helping. It was classic. |
| 23194 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
I got a knock-knock joke. |
| 23195 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
No... God. |
| 23196 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
OK, Michael, please, please, please, please, please let me. |
| 23197 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 23198 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
Knock, knock. |
| 23199 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Who's there? |
| 23200 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
KGB. |
| 23201 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
KGB - |
| 23202 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
We will ask the questions! |
| 23203 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
What the hell was that? |
| 23204 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 23205 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 23206 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it! |
| 23207 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
You, you like that? |
| 23208 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke. |
| 23209 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it. |
| 23210 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Jim |
Ding Dong. |
| 23211 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Who's there? |
| 23212 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Jim |
KGB. |
| 23213 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Dwight, get the door. |
| 23214 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
I'm not answering it. |
| 23215 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
Answer the door. |
| 23216 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Jim |
Ding dong. |
| 23217 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
No way, it's the KGB. |
| 23218 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Jim |
Ding dong. |
| 23219 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
I'm not answering that. You answer it. |
| 23220 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Michael |
I'm not gonna answer it |
| 23221 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB. |
| 23222 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Jim |
The KGB will wait for no one! |
| 23223 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3708 |
Dwight |
It's true. |
| 23224 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Pam |
Good morning, Michael. |
| 23225 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not Michael. I am Willy Wonkaaaaa. |
| 23226 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Pam |
Good morning, Mr. Wonka, here are your messages. |
| 23227 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Michael |
Why thank you very much. Oh, what are those? What are those? Tell me, please! |
| 23228 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Pam |
Jelly beans. |
| 23229 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3709 |
Michael |
No, no, no. They are not just ordinary jelly beans little girl. These are extraordinary jelly beans! |
| 23230 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3710 |
Michael |
The Willy Wonka Golden Ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of whimsy, and full of excitement and full of fantasy. |
| 23231 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Michael |
I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. Umm hmm. |
| 23232 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Jim |
We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends -- |
| 23233 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Michael |
Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.' |
| 23234 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Jim |
'Free paper.' |
| 23235 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Michael |
No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon. |
| 23236 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Andy |
Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this... |
| 23237 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3711 |
Michael |
No, you don't. No, it - What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right? |
| 23238 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Kevin |
I think I should call her. |
| 23239 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
No! No! No! |
| 23240 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Kevin |
Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today? |
| 23241 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.' |
| 23242 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Kevin |
But I do like her just the way she is. |
| 23243 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
Well that's not what we agreed on. |
| 23244 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 23245 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
Huh? |
| 23246 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Jim |
Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know. |
| 23247 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
No. |
| 23248 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Pam |
You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out. |
| 23249 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Andy |
You're asking him to give up all of his power. |
| 23250 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3712 |
Jim |
What power? |
| 23251 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3713 |
Kevin |
Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker. |
| 23252 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3714 |
Andy |
You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.' |
| 23253 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3714 |
Pam |
That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that? |
| 23254 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3714 |
Jim |
Well guys with girlfriends don't. |
| 23255 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3714 |
Andy |
That's low, Tuna. |
| 23256 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
Hey, Tom. What's that? Oh, you found a golden ticket. One of my clients found a golden ticket. Yup. No, congratulations. |
| 23257 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Woo hoo. |
| 23258 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
I'll take that down right now. |
| 23259 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Tell me; was it a spoiled little girl with big lips... |
| 23260 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
I'm on the phone. |
| 23261 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
...or an odd little boy with a cowboy obsession? |
| 23262 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
Hold on one second. |
| 23263 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Invite them on the tour. |
| 23264 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania. |
| 23265 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Really? That's kind of a big client. Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account? |
| 23266 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Oscar |
Ten percent? |
| 23267 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 23268 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Oscar |
They're our largest client. |
| 23269 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 23270 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Oscar |
It's gonna hurt. |
| 23271 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3715 |
Jim |
Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't. |
| 23272 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Jim |
How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments? |
| 23273 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Michael |
I thought I did. So... |
| 23274 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Jim |
OK... |
| 23275 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Michael |
Well no harm no foul. |
| 23276 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Jim |
...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales. |
| 23277 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3716 |
Michael |
You didn't, but... it'll be fine. It'll be good. |
| 23278 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Michael |
Hey. Hey. Hey. You idiot. |
| 23279 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Darryl |
Start over. |
| 23280 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Michael |
Sir. I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes and some how they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen? |
| 23281 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Darryl |
Were the boxes near each other? |
| 23282 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Michael |
Irrelevant. |
| 23283 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Darryl |
I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper. |
| 23284 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3717 |
Michael |
OK, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet? |
| 23285 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3718 |
Michael |
My golden ticket idea? OK. Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There is a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. That... |
| 23286 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3719 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi ,David. No, I'm sorry he's not back from the Civil Rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial. |
| 23287 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3720 |
Pam |
When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot. ' 'An Obama fashion show. ' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one. |
| 23288 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right? |
| 23289 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Oscar |
They can. |
| 23290 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
No, they can't. |
| 23291 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Oscar |
Yes, they can. |
| 23292 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about. |
| 23293 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Oscar |
Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is? |
| 23294 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
Alright, then we're screwed. I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so - |
| 23295 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Jim |
So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too. |
| 23296 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
Thank you, Jim is with me. |
| 23297 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Jim |
Absolutely not, I'm mad at you. |
| 23298 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist. |
| 23299 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Creed |
That's not why. |
| 23300 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
OK, we need a gold ticket idea to get us out of this mess. Yes. |
| 23301 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Pam |
Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later? |
| 23302 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Jim |
Good one. |
| 23303 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
OK, don't get that. Please? |
| 23304 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Stanley |
I've got a golden ticket idea. Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off? |
| 23305 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Michael |
That is not constructive. |
| 23306 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3721 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi, David. He's having a colonoscopy. Alright, I'll find out if he's out yet. |
| 23307 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
Hello David. I just got back from my procedure, so-- |
| 23308 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Michael, what the hell is going on here? |
| 23309 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
How are you doing? |
| 23310 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Fine. What is going on? |
| 23311 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera. |
| 23312 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Why did you OK this golden ticket idea? We're going to lose a fortune, Michael. How could you let this happen? |
| 23313 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
Well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen and I just don't... I don't know. |
| 23314 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
How could you not know Michael? |
| 23315 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant. |
| 23316 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Might have hi--- OK, what firm? |
| 23317 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
You're breaking up. |
| 23318 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Michael? |
| 23319 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
OK, I think, it might have been an inside consultant. |
| 23320 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Was it the sales department? |
| 23321 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 23322 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
Was it Jim? |
| 23323 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
No. |
| 23324 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
David |
OK, was it Dwight? |
| 23325 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3722 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 23326 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Come on in. Good to see ya, have a seat. I just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea. |
| 23327 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
That was your idea. |
| 23328 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Woah, wow, who told you that? |
| 23329 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
You did. Several times. Over and over again. |
| 23330 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
No, I don't think I ever did. That was your idea Dwight. |
| 23331 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
You were dressed as Willy Wonka so... |
| 23332 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
I'm not taking... I'm not taking... |
| 23333 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
Wasn't my idea. Loved - but I can't. |
| 23334 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary. |
| 23335 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
You don't keep a diary. |
| 23336 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Yes I do. You've just never seen it. March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets. |
| 23337 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
Hold that thought. March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers ten perfect off for one year. |
| 23338 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Why do you have a diary? |
| 23339 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
To keep secrets from my computer. |
| 23340 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up. |
| 23341 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
Impossible. |
| 23342 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Yes, you did. |
| 23343 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math. |
| 23344 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
What are you writing? |
| 23345 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies. |
| 23346 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Michael |
Would you like to go to lunch with me? Just the two of us? |
| 23347 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3723 |
Dwight |
With all my heart. |
| 23348 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Kevin |
You guys are throwing a lot at me. |
| 23349 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Jim |
All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance. |
| 23350 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Kevin |
Right. |
| 23351 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Pam |
I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her. |
| 23352 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Jim |
No, that is what I mean. |
| 23353 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Pam |
Shush. Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic. |
| 23354 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Kevin |
Like that? |
| 23355 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Jim |
No, stop it. |
| 23356 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3724 |
Andy |
Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her. |
| 23357 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3725 |
Andy |
...turn into this black and carbon brick-where this barbeque sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that. |
| 23358 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Michael |
We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking-- |
| 23359 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Dwight |
OK, what am I thinking right now? |
| 23360 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Michael |
Umm, nacho chips. |
| 23361 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Dwight |
No... How skin is the largest organ of the body. |
| 23362 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Michael |
Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me. |
| 23363 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3726 |
Dwight |
Oh, not gonna happen. |
| 23364 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3727 |
Dwight |
I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again. |
| 23365 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3728 |
Michael |
Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly. |
| 23366 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3728 |
Dwight |
What about Shoe La La? |
| 23367 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3728 |
Michael |
It's not ready yet. |
| 23368 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3729 |
Michael |
I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life, like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house. |
| 23369 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3730 |
Michael |
May I have your attention please. I have an announcement. Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together and although I probably will never do it again, I had fun. I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight. |
| 23370 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3730 |
Oscar |
These aren't announcements. |
| 23371 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3730 |
Michael |
Yes they are, you just don't care about the information. |
| 23372 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
I love working here and I do not want to leave. |
| 23373 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
He doesn't love it that much. Wouldn't be such a bad thing for him to be fired. |
| 23374 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
Well... |
| 23375 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
I mean, like we were talking about that is why he has come to the conclusion... |
| 23376 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world. |
| 23377 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 23378 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom. |
| 23379 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
That's it. That's it. You can't put a price on freedom. |
| 23380 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
Try me. |
| 23381 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
That's why you made the decision. That's why you made... |
| 23382 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
I haven't made a decision yet. |
| 23383 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
You kind of have. |
| 23384 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 23385 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3731 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 23386 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3732 |
Jim |
You cannot take the fall for him. |
| 23387 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3732 |
Dwight |
He said he would do the same for me. |
| 23388 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3732 |
Jim |
He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do? |
| 23389 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3732 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination. |
| 23390 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3732 |
Jim |
There it is. |
| 23391 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3733 |
Michael |
Oh my God. Dwight! Dwight! Get in--- what's it gonna be, what are you gonna do? What's it gonna be? Are you gonna do this thing for me? Dwight? Hey David, how are you? Good to see you. Nice surprise. Dwight and I were just having a very unfortunate conversation. |
| 23392 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3733 |
David |
That's too bad. |
| 23393 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3733 |
Michael |
Yes it is, but it had to be done, didn't it? |
| 23394 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3733 |
David |
Hopefully, nothing that can't be undone because Dwight I owe you an apology. The head of Blue Cross just called. They were so excited about the golden ticket discount that they have decided to make Dunder Mifflin their exclusive provider of all office supplies. Congratulations Dwight. |
| 23395 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3733 |
Dwight |
David... you're welcome. |
| 23396 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
I just want to say that this golden ticket idea is one of the most brilliant signs of initiative I have ever seen at this company and how about a big round of applause for Mr. Dwight Schrute? |
| 23397 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
Alright Dwight. This is huge. |
| 23398 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
That's what she said! |
| 23399 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
Hey, Dwight, great idea. Dwight, Dwight, great idea. How'd you come up with that idea? |
| 23400 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Inspiration. |
| 23401 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
Really? How did-- how are you inspired? How did it pop into your head Dwight? |
| 23402 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom. |
| 23403 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
Give me the details of how that happened. |
| 23404 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Jim |
You, you are taking about Dwight Schrute. The biggest Wonka fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years. |
| 23405 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
What? |
| 23406 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Jim |
And you know what? I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea and for that I apologize. |
| 23407 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Apology rejected. |
| 23408 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Pam |
Thanks for much for helping the company, Dwight. |
| 23409 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Oh Pam. |
| 23410 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Creed |
Good work, kid. |
| 23411 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Thanks old man. |
| 23412 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
This, this is great. OH, OK, look I want to get you on the horn with the marketing people in New York. The should meet you. |
| 23413 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 23414 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
Pam, could you set up a call in there in about 15 minutes, please? |
| 23415 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 23416 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
David? David? |
| 23417 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
'Cause I've got this idea... |
| 23418 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
David? |
| 23419 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
Yeah? |
| 23420 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Michael |
Could I be a part of the meeting also? |
| 23421 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
David |
You probably have too much to do around here. I don't want to uh, take up your time with another meeting. |
| 23422 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Jim |
Yeah, let's face it. This meeting sounds like it's Wonka fans only. He's never seen the movie. |
| 23423 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3734 |
Dwight |
Alright. |
| 23424 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
Hey guys, I have with me Dwight Schrute. Dwight, take it away. |
| 23425 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka. |
| 23426 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Man on phone |
Wait, do you guys hear that? There's not a dog listening in, is there? I hear panting. |
| 23427 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
No. No dogs. |
| 23428 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
So I love Willy Wonka. That golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I cam up with that idea . |
| 23429 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
There is no movie called Willy Wonka. It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. |
| 23430 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Pam |
It's actually based on a book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. |
| 23431 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
Pam... |
| 23432 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
I can't... vouch for that. But I do know this. He is a liar. He has taken my idea. |
| 23433 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
That is my idea. |
| 23434 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
We are gonna call you back guys. What is going on here? |
| 23435 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that? |
| 23436 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
No, no. |
| 23437 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
It is my idea. |
| 23438 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
Oh how dare you. |
| 23439 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas. |
| 23440 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard? |
| 23441 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
Horse Boat. |
| 23442 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
Oh please. |
| 23443 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat! |
| 23444 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
Toilet sponge. It's a hollowed out sponge... |
| 23445 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
Oh give me a break. |
| 23446 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
...that is more absorbent, and softer than toilet paper. I have a lot of toilet ideas. |
| 23447 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
That's because they're easy! |
| 23448 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
They're not easy. Everybody has to go to the bathroom. |
| 23449 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
Women's urinals... uh... |
| 23450 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
Guys, guys. OK, enough. Please, enough. What, is this true, Dwight? I mean, is this true? |
| 23451 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Dwight |
Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death. |
| 23452 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
Thank You! |
| 23453 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
What, I don't -- what do you want me to do now, Michael? What am I supposed to do now? |
| 23454 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Michael |
Well David, I will be honest with you. I do want the credit without any of the blame. |
| 23455 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
OK, uhh... I am going back to New York. Pam, do me a favor, don't send me those notes. |
| 23456 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 23457 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3735 |
David |
I am gone. |
| 23458 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Michael |
When they look back on this day in the history books all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I am going to write down in my diary. That is what I want you to write down in yours. |
| 23459 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Dwight |
Oh I am. In my own words. |
| 23460 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Michael |
I want to see it. |
| 23461 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 23462 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Michael |
I want to see it. |
| 23463 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Dwight |
No, Michael. |
| 23464 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Michael |
Give me... Give me the diary. |
| 23465 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3736 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 23466 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Lynn |
Hi. |
| 23467 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Kevin |
Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking. |
| 23468 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Lynn |
OK. |
| 23469 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Kevin |
I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie. |
| 23470 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Lynn |
OK. |
| 23471 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3737 |
Kevin |
Nice. Boobs. |
| 23472 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3738 |
Andy |
Well, it's uh, his funeral. So... neh! |
| 23473 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
Ding dong. |
| 23474 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
Who is it? |
| 23475 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
KGB. |
| 23476 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second. |
| 23477 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there? |
| 23478 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine. |
| 23479 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
We have more houses to visit. |
| 23480 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
If you want to come back then, that'll be fine. |
| 23481 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
We will come back at... how is 4:45? |
| 23482 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
I get back from work around 6. |
| 23483 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
How about 5:15? |
| 23484 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
You can try. That, that might work. |
| 23485 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Dwight |
Very well, we will come back at 5:15. |
| 23486 |
5 |
19 |
Golden Ticket |
3739 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 23487 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Dwight |
Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause. |
| 23488 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Michael |
I like it. |
| 23489 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Dwight |
Followed by a fifteen minute moment of silence. |
| 23490 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Jim |
I don't know. Is it classy enough? |
| 23491 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Dwight |
Jim! Enough with the classy, ok? |
| 23492 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Jim |
I just feel like after fifteen years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember. |
| 23493 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Michael |
I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here. |
| 23494 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Jim |
And of course, classy. |
| 23495 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Michael |
And classy, yeah. |
| 23496 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3740 |
Dwight |
Michael, you're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here? |
| 23497 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3741 |
Jim |
Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code. So, this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously. |
| 23498 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
Oh, here's one: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music. |
| 23499 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership. |
| 23500 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Jim |
That's it. Or Mr. Peanut. |
| 23501 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 23502 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
Mr. Peanut is not classy. |
| 23503 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
He is. |
| 23504 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat. |
| 23505 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
That's what makes him classy. |
| 23506 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
Ok, how about this? An ice sculpture, shaped like you, covered in chocolate-covered strawberries. |
| 23507 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Jim |
Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind. |
| 23508 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then. |
| 23509 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Jim |
Ok, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits. |
| 23510 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
Strawberries? |
| 23511 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Jim |
That's inspired. |
| 23512 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Dwight |
I said that! |
| 23513 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Pam |
Not classy. |
| 23514 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
Not classy at all. |
| 23515 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Jim |
De classé. |
| 23516 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3742 |
Michael |
French. Classy. |
| 23517 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Pam |
Hi, can I help you? |
| 23518 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Charles |
Yeah, I'm Charles Miner, here to see Michael Scott. |
| 23519 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Pam |
Sure. Just one second. Please have a seat. |
| 23520 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 23521 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Pam |
Michael, there's a Charles Miner here to see you. |
| 23522 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
Miner? I hardly know her!... Hello? |
| 23523 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Pam |
Yeah, are you coming out now? |
| 23524 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
Uh-huh. Well, well, well, who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner and he is the new VP for the Northeast region. So, just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. Here he is. |
| 23525 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Charles |
I-I was- |
| 23526 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
Wow! Hold that thought. I want everybody to go into the break room. I have a little surprise for you. Go ahead. You too. Dwight, would you escort our guest in there? C'mon, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy, you're one of us . Dwight, stall him a little, I have to get the fish. |
| 23527 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 23528 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 23529 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Jim |
Really wish you would have told me the new boss was coming today. |
| 23530 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous. |
| 23531 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Jim |
Nope. I mean, I could have brought a change of clothes, or- |
| 23532 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3743 |
Michael |
You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick. Ok, get the fish. |
| 23533 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3744 |
Dwight |
Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal-mining communities. |
| 23534 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3744 |
Michael |
Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on! |
| 23535 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3744 |
Dwight |
We'll finish it up later, but essentially what we're talking about is... |
| 23536 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3745 |
Michael |
Surprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles. |
| 23537 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3745 |
Charles |
Thank you. |
| 23538 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3745 |
Michael |
Took me all night. |
| 23539 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3745 |
Pam |
This is what you did last night? |
| 23540 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3746 |
Michael |
I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental. |
| 23541 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3747 |
Kelly |
My god, he's like a black George Clooney. |
| 23542 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3747 |
Angela |
Really? I don't see it. I mean, he's ok, he's not unattractive, it's. . . |
| 23543 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Jim |
Hey, how you doing? Jim Halpert, sales. Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know. |
| 23544 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Charles |
Why are you wearing a tuxedo? |
| 23545 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Jim |
I didn't think you'd notice. Uh, it's funny actually, there's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, and he sent out this memo, as he always does, and, uh, it was about professionalism in the workplace. Of course, he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him. |
| 23546 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Charles |
Uh. |
| 23547 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Jim |
Oh, you'd understand if you read the memo which I should probably get you, there's probably one in a drawer... uh. It was pretty crazy. But, uh, not more crazy than wearing a tux, at work, I grant you that... so, uh. |
| 23548 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Charles |
Your name is Jim? |
| 23549 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3748 |
Jim |
Jim Halpert, yep. So, um, just going to let you get back to it... |
| 23550 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3749 |
Pam |
He just had to wear his tux today. |
| 23551 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3749 |
Jim |
I thought it'd be funny. |
| 23552 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3749 |
Pam |
Took him 40 minutes to get ready. |
| 23553 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department. |
| 23554 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Hey, I come from accounting, too. |
| 23555 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Oh, nerd alert! |
| 23556 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Kevin |
Ni- |
| 23557 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that. |
| 23558 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. |
| 23559 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange |
| 23560 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Andy |
Hey-o! |
| 23561 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
There you go! Where's the other? |
| 23562 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history. |
| 23563 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history. |
| 23564 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Kevin |
Hey! |
| 23565 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
How about I just say hi to everyone at one time? |
| 23566 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Good. Good, good, good. Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner. |
| 23567 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Thank you, Michael. Thank you for the C-shaped bagels. |
| 23568 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Oh! Well... |
| 23569 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
That's great. |
| 23570 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Above and beyond. |
| 23571 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Hey, you know we're in tough times and we're not immune to this economy. |
| 23572 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
That's true. |
| 23573 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this. |
| 23574 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Stanley |
Stanley Hudson. Are there gonna be layoffs? |
| 23575 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
No. Absolutely not. |
| 23576 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Uh, hold on, Michael, thank you. Uh, Stanley, you know, we can't make any promises, but we'll try everything in our power to avoid that. |
| 23577 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Oscar |
Do you have specifics? |
| 23578 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Sp-Well, um, Michael should have filled you in last week. |
| 23579 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Well, due to the economy, there is a lot of worry going around. I didn't want to worry people. |
| 23580 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
You didn't tell them. |
| 23581 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Well, why don't- |
| 23582 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Yeah, I will. What I told Michael last week- |
| 23583 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Charles is going to tell you. |
| 23584 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Is that we are cutting three percent across the board, which means we will no longer be matching 401k contributions. All overtime requests will need to come through the corporate office. |
| 23585 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Stanley |
Fantastic. |
| 23586 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Well, it's not official. |
| 23587 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending. |
| 23588 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Such as salary, benefits, etc, etc. Insurance. |
| 23589 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
No, no, not salaries. Petty cash, supplies, and uh, you know, parties. |
| 23590 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Well- |
| 23591 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Dwight |
What about your party? |
| 23592 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work. |
| 23593 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
Michael, I'm going to stay for the day. |
| 23594 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Michael |
Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet. |
| 23595 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3750 |
Charles |
No, it's a little bit more than that. I'm going to set up in here, ok? |
| 23596 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3751 |
Michael |
I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled. |
| 23597 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed. |
| 23598 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
What gave you that idea? |
| 23599 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
It was my understanding. |
| 23600 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
I see. |
| 23601 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability. |
| 23602 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are going to make a great team. |
| 23603 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
But the branch is still mine? |
| 23604 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
You're still the branch manager, yes, and if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know. |
| 23605 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Dwight |
Ask him about the party. |
| 23606 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party? |
| 23607 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
I'll give it my best shot, Michael. |
| 23608 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Dwight |
No the other thing. |
| 23609 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Michael |
Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? |
| 23610 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
Dwight |
He hung up? |
| 23611 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3752 |
David |
No. |
| 23612 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before. |
| 23613 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
No. |
| 23614 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here? |
| 23615 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
Saticoy Steel. |
| 23616 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names. |
| 23617 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel. |
| 23618 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
You're not from paper? |
| 23619 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
No. |
| 23620 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Does David know this? |
| 23621 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
Yeah, he knows. He just wants a good manager. |
| 23622 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Well that, actually, is an excellent segue into really what is my only point- |
| 23623 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
And what is that? |
| 23624 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
And that- I-I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want pick up some tips, observing here, and take them to the other branches, it's all good. But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... Are we clear? |
| 23625 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
That's not how I plan on doing things. |
| 23626 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Ok, alright, well I'll just bounce that off David, see what comes back. |
| 23627 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
I'll tell David what he needs to know. Sorry. David wants it this way. |
| 23628 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Michael |
Whatever David wants. |
| 23629 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3753 |
Charles |
Ok. |
| 23630 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Michael |
Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible. Thanks. |
| 23631 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Dwight |
Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm 'em. |
| 23632 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
David Wallace's office. |
| 23633 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Dwight |
Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today? |
| 23634 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
Good. Thank you. |
| 23635 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Dwight |
How's it hanging? |
| 23636 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
Alright. . . |
| 23637 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Dwight |
Good. Listen, my name is, uh, Michael... Scotch. And, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in 5 seconds- |
| 23638 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Michael |
No! You idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot! What are you doing? God! Oh my god. |
| 23639 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
David Wallace's office. |
| 23640 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Michael |
Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine. |
| 23641 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
Michael... |
| 23642 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Michael |
And I really really need to talk to David. |
| 23643 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Stephanie |
Please hold. |
| 23644 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Charles |
Charles Miner. Hello? Hello, who is this? Who is this? |
| 23645 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3754 |
Michael |
I was never given a name. |
| 23646 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Pam |
Uh, hi, can I help you? I don't think anyone here- |
| 23647 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Charles |
Oh, uh, Pam? Hey everyone, lunch is on me today. |
| 23648 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Angela |
That is so unnecessary! |
| 23649 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me with this? On the day that I bring in breakfast? |
| 23650 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Charles |
It's no big deal. |
| 23651 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Michael |
I wish you had told us sooner, because I was going to go to the vending machine and get an egg salad. |
| 23652 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Charles |
You still have that option. |
| 23653 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Angela |
Thanks again, Charles. |
| 23654 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Kelly |
Thank you. |
| 23655 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Michael |
Nobody thanked me. |
| 23656 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Jim |
Thanks, Charles. |
| 23657 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Michael |
For breakfast. Except Charles. You say no more parties, and then you spend all of this money on lunch, I think it's a little hypercritical. |
| 23658 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3755 |
Charles |
I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning. |
| 23659 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3756 |
Michael |
Damn it, Stephanie, put me through to him. Is that him in the background? David? David! David, pick up the phone! |
| 23660 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3757 |
Kelly |
Should I seduce him? |
| 23661 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3757 |
Angela |
No. No one wants to see that. |
| 23662 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Kevin |
Michael? |
| 23663 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 23664 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Kevin |
I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it. |
| 23665 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may. |
| 23666 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours. |
| 23667 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Kevin |
Ok. |
| 23668 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
Ok. |
| 23669 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved. |
| 23670 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
That's not the way it's gonna work. |
| 23671 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Yes it is! |
| 23672 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
No, it is not. |
| 23673 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
No, it is not. |
| 23674 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
Ok, so we're on the same page, great. |
| 23675 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Ok, so we're on the same page, great. |
| 23676 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
Ok, Michael, what are you doing? |
| 23677 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
Ok, Michael, what are you doing? |
| 23678 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
No, seriously. |
| 23679 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
No, seriously. |
| 23680 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Charles |
How old are you? |
| 23681 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Michael |
How old are you? |
| 23682 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3758 |
Pam |
Oh no. |
| 23683 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3759 |
Pam |
I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do, the more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad. |
| 23684 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Charles |
Five years old? |
| 23685 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Michael |
Five years old? |
| 23686 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Andy |
Duuudes, stop. |
| 23687 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Employees |
Not a good idea, Michael. Michael, stop. Stop doing that. Stop it. You're going to get all of us in trouble. |
| 23688 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Charles |
I will walk away. |
| 23689 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Michael |
I'm gonna walk away. |
| 23690 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Andy |
Stop doing that! |
| 23691 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3760 |
Michael |
I'm kidding around, wow! Relax, everybody, it's just a joke. It's fine. Boy, so touchy. PPC, let's continue our morning meeting in the conference room. |
| 23692 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3761 |
Pam |
And then, out of that cake, pops another stripper holding a smaller cake. And then an even smaller stripper pops out of that one. |
| 23693 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3761 |
Michael |
What is that smaller stripper holding? |
| 23694 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3761 |
Pam |
Cupcake. It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down. |
| 23695 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3761 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 23696 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3762 |
Charles |
What exactly is the PPC? |
| 23697 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3762 |
Phyllis |
Oh, that's the Party Planning Committee. They spend hours planning parties. |
| 23698 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Excuse me, guys. What's going on in here? |
| 23699 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Party Planning Committee. Not your concern, Charles. |
| 23700 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time. |
| 23701 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Really? Well then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead. |
| 23702 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Jim |
No, I would like to get back to work, actually, please. |
| 23703 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Whatcha got, Jim?... What is a two-way petting zoo? |
| 23704 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Jim |
You pet the animals and they pet you back. |
| 23705 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
It's a great idea. And we have a cake in the shape of a bale of hay. |
| 23706 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Pam |
It's really just a regular shaped cake. |
| 23707 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
But it's cool, and it's- |
| 23708 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
This isn't a good use of company time, Michael. |
| 23709 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Whoa. You're talking about my anniversary party, so. . . |
| 23710 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Everyone, except for Michael, go back to your desks. |
| 23711 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Yeah, why don't you do that? |
| 23712 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Thank you very much. |
| 23713 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Yeah, here we go. Ok. |
| 23714 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Ok, Michael, I'm dissolving this committee. |
| 23715 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
What? |
| 23716 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
Yeah, I mean, come on. This is a work place. It isn't designed for your vanity. |
| 23717 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Newsflash: I've been here for fifteen years. Headline: You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story. End of story! |
| 23718 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Charles |
I don't know if I have hurt your feelings or you do not disagree with my methods, but it is over. |
| 23719 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3763 |
Michael |
Ok, no, no, no, no. No. You know what? I'm going to New York. And I am going to talk to David Wallace. I'm going to tell him everything. And I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. And, you know what? You are gonna be through. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do that to you. Do you even know how paper is made? It's not like steel. You don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it. |
| 23720 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Come in. |
| 23721 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 23722 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Hey. |
| 23723 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Alright, Charles, I've gotta be honest. I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And, truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy, and, uh, a hard-worker. And a great number two for the office. |
| 23724 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Number two? |
| 23725 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Second-in-command to Michael. |
| 23726 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Oh, I didn't know that position existed. |
| 23727 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Oh, that's because at first it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better, assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me. |
| 23728 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
So you're the assistant to the regional manager? |
| 23729 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Assistant regional manager, yeah. |
| 23730 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Any responsibilities come with it? |
| 23731 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
No, not exactly. |
| 23732 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
So you keep this made up position? It's important to you? |
| 23733 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Alright, I will, um, I'm just gonna let you get back to that. |
| 23734 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Charles |
Yeah, would you, uh? |
| 23735 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3764 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 23736 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3765 |
Michael |
Hello, Stephanie. Ok, where is he? |
| 23737 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3766 |
David |
Michael. |
| 23738 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3766 |
Michael |
So is this the meeting you've been in all day? |
| 23739 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3766 |
David |
How did you get here, Michael? |
| 23740 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3766 |
Michael |
I drove. |
| 23741 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3766 |
David |
Ok. |
| 23742 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
Cancelled my fifteenth anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. And he said no figs. I've already bought em. And I don't have a place to store them. So, I feel like I've been sort of boned. |
| 23743 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
Michael. Listen- |
| 23744 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
Do you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this? |
| 23745 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically. . . |
| 23746 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
Ok. Then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system I was supposed to talk to Charles, and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that would dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again. |
| 23747 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
That's not exactly- |
| 23748 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
Clearly that's what you wanted. |
| 23749 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
No. |
| 23750 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
Fifteen years I have been here. And I have sacrificed a lot. |
| 23751 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
Yes. |
| 23752 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
I've put having a family on hold. |
| 23753 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
David |
We didn't ask you to do that. |
| 23754 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3767 |
Michael |
And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington. |
| 23755 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3768 |
Charles |
Ok. Nice meeting everyone. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. |
| 23756 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3768 |
Andy |
Cool. |
| 23757 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3768 |
Dwight |
Excellent. |
| 23758 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3768 |
Angela |
It was very nice meeting you, Charles Miner. |
| 23759 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3768 |
Jim |
See ya. See ya. Bye! |
| 23760 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3769 |
Jim |
And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear. |
| 23761 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3770 |
Kelly |
I could see our kids facing obstacles being half-Black and half-Indian, but it's so worth it, you guys. |
| 23762 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3770 |
Phyllis |
It's just me here. |
| 23763 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3770 |
Kelly |
I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight. |
| 23764 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3770 |
Phyllis |
I think he left. |
| 23765 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3770 |
Kelly |
What?! Move! |
| 23766 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3771 |
Angela |
Hello, Charles? Charles! |
| 23767 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3771 |
Kelly |
Hey! Is that his scarf? |
| 23768 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3771 |
Angela |
No! |
| 23769 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3772 |
Angela |
Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship, ok? |
| 23770 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
Michael |
I don't understand that after fifteen years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair. And I think that I've earned more than that. |
| 23771 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
David |
Yeah. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Here's what I'm going to do- |
| 23772 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 23773 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
David |
We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that? |
| 23774 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
Michael |
I quit. |
| 23775 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
David |
What? |
| 23776 |
5 |
20 |
New Boss |
3773 |
Michael |
You have no idea how high I can fly. |
| 23777 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3774 |
Michael |
I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left. |
| 23778 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3774 |
Kelly |
Michael get to the good part. |
| 23779 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3774 |
Michael |
Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door. |
| 23780 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3774 |
Oscar |
At least he is in the building. |
| 23781 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3774 |
Michael |
No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building! |
| 23782 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3775 |
Pam |
He finally has a story everyone wants to hear... and he knows it. |
| 23783 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Pam |
Okay focus. Focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people; what happened? |
| 23784 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Michael |
I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said "You have no idea how high I can fly." |
| 23785 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Stanley |
Did you tell him how sick of him you were? |
| 23786 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Michael |
Why would I do that? |
| 23787 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Angela |
Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent? |
| 23788 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Kevin |
That he's wasted 15 years of your life? |
| 23789 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Meredith |
Did you spit in his face? |
| 23790 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3776 |
Michael |
You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it. |
| 23791 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3777 |
Oscar |
I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. But I dream... so... |
| 23792 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3778 |
Jim |
About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying. |
| 23793 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3779 |
Kevin |
Michael is that scotch? |
| 23794 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3779 |
Michael |
Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on. |
| 23795 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3780 |
Michael |
What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I'm gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I'm going to stop worrying about calories. |
| 23796 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Stanley |
Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs? |
| 23797 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Michael |
I have a job. |
| 23798 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Andy |
For four more days. |
| 23799 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Pam |
Do you have any leads on a job? |
| 23800 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Michael |
Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted. |
| 23801 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Jim |
You called any headhunters? |
| 23802 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Michael |
Any good headhunter knows I am available. |
| 23803 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Dwight |
Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife, |
| 23804 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Jim |
Right, cause that's what we are talking about. |
| 23805 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Charles |
Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data. |
| 23806 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Michael |
You're 'I need you to' is my command. |
| 23807 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3781 |
Charles |
Okay. |
| 23808 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
Hey Michael... |
| 23809 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 23810 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
Can I talk to you a minute? |
| 23811 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. Oh God! Blech! Phyllis! |
| 23812 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
I just wanted to tell you that... Oh What? What's that? |
| 23813 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
Oh! Hey. What is this about? |
| 23814 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it's a farewell... |
| 23815 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 23816 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
I hope I get to work with you someday again. |
| 23817 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
Me too, me too. Is this wine? |
| 23818 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
Ah... busted. Yes |
| 23819 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Michael |
I already have wine. |
| 23820 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3782 |
Andy |
Oh. |
| 23821 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Isaac |
Hello. |
| 23822 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 23823 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Isaac |
Isaac Silby here for the interview |
| 23824 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Pam |
Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It'll be a few minutes. |
| 23825 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Isaac |
Thank you. You interviewing too? |
| 23826 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Michael |
Hmm? |
| 23827 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Isaac |
Interviewing? |
| 23828 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Michael |
For? |
| 23829 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Isaac |
Regional manager. |
| 23830 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3783 |
Michael |
Yes I am. |
| 23831 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3784 |
Charles |
For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons. |
| 23832 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3785 |
Michael |
Where you from? |
| 23833 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3785 |
Isaac |
Philly. |
| 23834 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3785 |
Michael |
That's a drive! |
| 23835 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3785 |
Isaac |
Yeah, well this is one of the few places that's hiring. It's uh, its brutal out there. |
| 23836 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Kevin |
Pam? |
| 23837 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Pam |
Hmm? |
| 23838 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Kevin |
When will the new copier be ready? |
| 23839 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Pam |
I'm working on it Kev. |
| 23840 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Kevin |
You said it would be ready by today. And it is today. |
| 23841 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Pam |
It'll be ready soon. |
| 23842 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Kevin |
Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks. |
| 23843 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Pam |
Is that what 'soon' means to you? |
| 23844 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Kevin |
Sometimes. |
| 23845 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3786 |
Pam |
Then come back soon. |
| 23846 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3787 |
Pam |
During the course of business, a copier goes though something called 'Normal wear and tear.' |
| 23847 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3788 |
Creed |
I think it's 75 cents. |
| 23848 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3788 |
Oscar |
That's a lot. |
| 23849 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3789 |
Angela |
Bandit, No! No no no! |
| 23850 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3790 |
Kevin |
Oh! |
| 23851 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3791 |
Pam |
Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn't set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting. |
| 23852 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3792 |
Jim |
Its Monster dot com. Singular. |
| 23853 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3792 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 23854 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3793 |
Michael |
You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. |
| 23855 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3793 |
Phone |
Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. Bye! |
| 23856 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3793 |
Michael |
What am I gong to do? Uh... . |
| 23857 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3794 |
Michael |
PSST! PSST! |
| 23858 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3794 |
Jim |
Yeah... .you want me to come in your office? Oh. |
| 23859 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes. |
| 23860 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
I would prefer not to. |
| 23861 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company. |
| 23862 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
You're starting your own paper company? |
| 23863 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
yeah! |
| 23864 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Why? |
| 23865 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper. |
| 23866 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Do you know the industry is in decline? |
| 23867 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline. |
| 23868 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 23869 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes. |
| 23870 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
No, I did that before, it added nothing. |
| 23871 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Close them. |
| 23872 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 23873 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this? |
| 23874 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
I am not gonna do this. |
| 23875 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Obviously. |
| 23876 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
And you are not going to, either. |
| 23877 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Oh, agreed, mmm, except... |
| 23878 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing. |
| 23879 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
Hey hey... what's up Chuck? |
| 23880 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Charles |
Jim. |
| 23881 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 23882 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Charles |
what are you doing? |
| 23883 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
Nothing, just talking. |
| 23884 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Charles |
Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week? |
| 23885 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Jim |
I didn't... no. |
| 23886 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Charles |
Okay. After you. |
| 23887 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Michael |
No I'm staying. |
| 23888 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3795 |
Charles |
Okay. |
| 23889 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Dwight |
Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you? |
| 23890 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Pam |
No, I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions. |
| 23891 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Dwight |
Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II. |
| 23892 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Pam |
That's a really... well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do? |
| 23893 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Dwight |
Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus. |
| 23894 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3796 |
Pam |
Hmm... |
| 23895 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3797 |
Dwight |
My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious. |
| 23896 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying "Dunder Mifflin" at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else? |
| 23897 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Like Michael Scott Paper Company? |
| 23898 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
You... oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk. |
| 23899 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Hmm... yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk. |
| 23900 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now. |
| 23901 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Yeah... you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know. |
| 23902 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
Before you got here, I'm the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I'm on it, don't worry. So, how do I do that? |
| 23903 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image. |
| 23904 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
Can't I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape? |
| 23905 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Yeah. Good. |
| 23906 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. |
| 23907 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3798 |
Pam |
Mmm-hmm |
| 23908 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Kelly |
So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesday, it's to pick up my little sisters from school. We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians.. |
| 23909 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Charles |
You know, you can run this stuff by Toby. |
| 23910 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Kelly |
Yeah I don't like talking... |
| 23911 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Charles |
Come in... |
| 23912 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Angela |
I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were with anyone. I just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that I was telling you about. Earlier. |
| 23913 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Kelly |
Yep, we were in the middle of something so why don't you just... |
| 23914 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Angela |
Okay, um, actually you know it was so much fun last year. There was a Sunday-bar. I mean I didn't have any, you know, to stay trim. |
| 23915 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Charles |
Did Michael just let anybody in his office? |
| 23916 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3799 |
Angela, Kelly |
Yep! Yeah. He just loved having people, communicating all the time. He was like 'Come on in!" |
| 23917 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3800 |
Charles |
I am aware of the effect I have on woman. |
| 23918 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3801 |
Kelly |
So you should be heading back to your desk. |
| 23919 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3801 |
Angela |
Okay. Bye Charles. Well you'll let me know. Good bye. |
| 23920 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3801 |
Kelly |
She's such a special person. And she's turning 50 this year. |
| 23921 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
I'm starting my own paper company. |
| 23922 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Andy |
No way!? |
| 23923 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 23924 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Andy |
In this climate? |
| 23925 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in. |
| 23926 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Andy |
Ehh... well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm.. Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that? |
| 23927 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
Your own paper company. |
| 23928 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so |
| 23929 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
Right... |
| 23930 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
Potential, lots of potential. yes. |
| 23931 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
What a courageous venture. |
| 23932 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um... |
| 23933 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities... |
| 23934 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing. |
| 23935 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
Okay. So yeah. |
| 23936 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Michael |
So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now. |
| 23937 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3802 |
Dwight |
You know, I would love to put a pin in that. |
| 23938 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3803 |
Pam |
Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. Right? |
| 23939 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3803 |
Meredith |
Little Ms. Thing wants attention. |
| 23940 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3803 |
Pam |
Meredith... Oh... so uh... G-44. It's not ready Kevin! |
| 23941 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3804 |
Pam |
I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did. |
| 23942 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
You put a note in my food? |
| 23943 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Michael |
I made it sterile. |
| 23944 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so. |
| 23945 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Michael |
I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me. |
| 23946 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials? |
| 23947 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Michael |
No, no no. |
| 23948 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael? |
| 23949 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 23950 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
Five years? |
| 23951 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Michael |
Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me. |
| 23952 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3805 |
Oscar |
It's just not prudent Michael. |
| 23953 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Michael |
Stanley? |
| 23954 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Stanley |
Can't you see I'm urinating? |
| 23955 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Michael |
Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now. |
| 23956 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 23957 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Michael |
Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company. |
| 23958 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 23959 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Michael |
Oh-okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars. |
| 23960 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3806 |
Stanley |
No I didn't. |
| 23961 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3807 |
Michael |
You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either. |
| 23962 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3808 |
Pam |
How's it working? |
| 23963 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3808 |
Phyllis |
Um, let's see... it's fine. |
| 23964 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3808 |
Pam |
Good. |
| 23965 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3809 |
Pam |
I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels... |
| 23966 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Charles |
Hey Hank, You ready? |
| 23967 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Hank |
Yeah. |
| 23968 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Charles |
Okay, Michael? |
| 23969 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Michael |
Hmm? |
| 23970 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Charles |
I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything. |
| 23971 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Michael |
Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks... |
| 23972 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Charles |
not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank... |
| 23973 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Hank |
Okay Michael. |
| 23974 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Michael |
Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building. |
| 23975 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3810 |
Hank |
Come on man, let's, let's go. |
| 23976 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3811 |
Kevin |
I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there. |
| 23977 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3812 |
Michael |
Well here we are... I would just like to... |
| 23978 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3812 |
Charles |
No, no no no. You're done, Michael. |
| 23979 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3813 |
Michael |
Alright then everybody, I'm outta here! |
| 23980 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3813 |
Andy |
What is he doing? It looks like he's saying something. |
| 23981 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3813 |
Kevin |
I think he's singing. |
| 23982 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3813 |
Oscar |
I can't believe this is really happening. |
| 23983 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3813 |
Michael |
... and I feel free! |
| 23984 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3814 |
Oscar |
And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. |
| 23985 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3815 |
Andy |
The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day. |
| 23986 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3815 |
Phyllis |
Andy He's gone. |
| 23987 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3815 |
Andy |
I know. |
| 23988 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3815 |
Phyllis |
You don't have to kiss his ass anymore. |
| 23989 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3816 |
Toby |
Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what? |
| 23990 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Michael? |
| 23991 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Shh shh shh... don't look down, look straight up. Come on please! |
| 23992 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Angela |
These are for employees only. |
| 23993 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone. |
| 23994 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Kevin |
Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith? |
| 23995 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere. |
| 23996 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Kevin |
But you didn't want to start with us? |
| 23997 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer? |
| 23998 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else. |
| 23999 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
So which way are you leaning? |
| 24000 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else. |
| 24001 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Thanks Jim. |
| 24002 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Charles |
Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on. |
| 24003 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 24004 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Charles |
Okay, let me know if you find it. |
| 24005 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go! |
| 24006 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Charles |
Michael get up! |
| 24007 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on! |
| 24008 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Charles |
Michael, what are you doing? |
| 24009 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
I think maybe Hank should be here. |
| 24010 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Charles |
Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael. |
| 24011 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
You're going to mess with me, is that what you're going to do? I'll tell you something Charles, I don't even care. Cause I've got nothing got lose. Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it's not even worth it. |
| 24012 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Oh no. |
| 24013 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
What? |
| 24014 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
I'm going with him. |
| 24015 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
What? Pam! |
| 24016 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
I'm going. |
| 24017 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
Pam! You can't be serious. |
| 24018 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Michael, wait! I'm coming with you. |
| 24019 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
You are? |
| 24020 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 24021 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Okay. It's going to be great. |
| 24022 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore. |
| 24023 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Right... Executive assistant. |
| 24024 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Salesman. |
| 24025 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim? |
| 24026 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
Still no. |
| 24027 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Well, okay, lets go. |
| 24028 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so... |
| 24029 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Are people watching? |
| 24030 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Probably. |
| 24031 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you... |
| 24032 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Jim Jim Jim... we're having a company meeting here. |
| 24033 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Jim |
I'll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye. |
| 24034 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Pam |
Okay, see you later. |
| 24035 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3817 |
Michael |
Bye. |
| 24036 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3818 |
Charles |
So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones. |
| 24037 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3818 |
Kevin |
Phones? |
| 24038 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3818 |
Charles |
Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley. |
| 24039 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3818 |
Stanley |
Yes. |
| 24040 |
5 |
21 |
Two Weeks |
3818 |
Charles |
Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay? |
| 24041 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3819 |
Jim |
You gonna answer that, Kev? |
| 24042 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3819 |
Kevin |
Oh, right. Thanks. Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin. Please hold while I transfer you. Oscar, your mom! |
| 24043 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3820 |
Jim |
Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically? I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that. |
| 24044 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Please hold. Andy! Phone call. |
| 24045 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Jim |
No. Stay there. Kev, thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier. |
| 24046 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I wrote it on my hand... but then I washed it. |
| 24047 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Jim |
It is transfer, extension, and then transfer again. |
| 24048 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Okay. Andy, get ready. Transfer. Extension. Transfer. |
| 24049 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Jim |
Here we go. |
| 24050 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Oh, man! |
| 24051 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Andy |
It is 1-3-4, Kev! |
| 24052 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Jim |
Kev, c'mon. |
| 24053 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Dwight |
Hustle! |
| 24054 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Hold it. |
| 24055 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Andy |
You are murdering the Nard-dog! |
| 24056 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
This is Kevin. Please hold and I will transfer you. |
| 24057 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Angela |
You're bad at this too! |
| 24058 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Just... don't answer that call! |
| 24059 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Stanley |
Just transfer the damn call. |
| 24060 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Kevin |
Your call is very important to us. Ple- |
| 24061 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Andy |
Hey-o! |
| 24062 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3821 |
Dwight |
Way to go. |
| 24063 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3822 |
Andy |
My maid died. |
| 24064 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Pam |
Today is my first day at my new job at Michael Scott Paper Company Incorporated. You know, Apple Computers started in a garage. And we're starting in a condo. So we already have a leg up on Apple. Look, it's official! |
| 24065 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Michael |
Oh, good. My hooker's here. Hi. |
| 24066 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Pam |
Michael, you were expecting me, right? |
| 24067 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Michael |
Yes I was. Yes I was. |
| 24068 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Pam |
Are you wearing anything under the robe? |
| 24069 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3823 |
Michael |
That is inappropriate, Pam. Come on in. |
| 24070 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Pam |
This looks great, Michael. |
| 24071 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Michael |
Thank you. Would you like some french toast? |
| 24072 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Pam |
Yes, please. |
| 24073 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Michael |
What shape? |
| 24074 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Pam |
... Square is fine. |
| 24075 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3824 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 24076 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Just want to fill you in on a few details. As you know, I will be running the branch while we search for Michael's replacement. So please feel free to come to me with any questions or concerns. Yeah. |
| 24077 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Kelly |
Where will you be staying while you're in Scranton? |
| 24078 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Eh, uh, in a hotel. |
| 24079 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Angela |
Charles, where were you born? |
| 24080 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Actually, I meant questions more about the day-to-day operations of the company. Kay. Yeah. |
| 24081 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Andy |
How are operations of the company? Just, day-to day. |
| 24082 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Okay, let's go over non-discretionary cuts. Okay, guys? Thank you. So, umm... |
| 24083 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Jim |
Would you please stop that? |
| 24084 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 24085 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Jim |
You're breathing very heavily. |
| 24086 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Dwight |
This is how I breathe. |
| 24087 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Jim |
No it's not. |
| 24088 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Dwight |
If you want to tell me - |
| 24089 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Okay, Jim Halpert. I need your eyes up front. |
| 24090 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Jim |
Oh no. I was just - |
| 24091 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
No. Hey, hey. I just want to hear "yes". |
| 24092 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Jim |
... Yes. |
| 24093 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3825 |
Charles |
Good. As I was saying... |
| 24094 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3826 |
Dwight |
Oh no! The new boss does not find Jim adorable! Ohhhh! |
| 24095 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
So, what do you say we get started? |
| 24096 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
After breakfast. |
| 24097 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
I'm full. |
| 24098 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
So how you feeling about the new company? |
| 24099 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
I feel good. Wow. |
| 24100 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
You excited? About the new company? |
| 24101 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
Yeah. I'm excited to start the company. |
| 24102 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
After breakfast. |
| 24103 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
We did that. So, what's next? Michael, just stop for a second. Michael. Stop for a second. |
| 24104 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
No, I'm whipping them. |
| 24105 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
No, I know you are. |
| 24106 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
Just let go. |
| 24107 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
Just let me have... Oh. |
| 24108 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
Let go, please. Just gimmee - |
| 24109 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Pam |
Fine! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 24110 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3827 |
Michael |
I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs. |
| 24111 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3828 |
Phyllis |
I never see him drink. I never see him eat. |
| 24112 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3828 |
Stanley |
I don't think he even uses the bathroom. |
| 24113 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3828 |
Creed |
Oh, he does. He does. |
| 24114 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
I feel weak today. Felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse. |
| 24115 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
You know, Michael. When I feel overwhelmed - |
| 24116 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
I'm not overwhelmed, Pam. |
| 24117 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
I know! No, I'm saying that when I feel overwhelmed, something I like to do is make a list. Make a list of things to do and then start with the easy stuff. |
| 24118 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Whatever calms you down. |
| 24119 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Okay, first, work out. And, hey! Look! You did that. Check. Eat an enormous breakfast. Check. |
| 24120 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Don't patronize me, Pam. |
| 24121 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
I think you should get dressed. |
| 24122 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
I'm not getting dressed. I'm not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients. |
| 24123 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Michael, that seems impossible. |
| 24124 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
It's totally impossible! |
| 24125 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
We need to come up with one realistic thing that we could do today. |
| 24126 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Assemble a sales team. A dream team. |
| 24127 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 24128 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Okay, Ryan. |
| 24129 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
No. What? Why? |
| 24130 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
He's everything I'm not and everything I am. He's the whole package. |
| 24131 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
No. We're not gonna hire Ryan. |
| 24132 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Umm... Oh! Vikram! Best salesman I've ever met. |
| 24133 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 24134 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
He worked at that telemarketing place. |
| 24135 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
We'll find him. |
| 24136 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Okay. Oh also, we have a meeting this afternoon with a potential investor. |
| 24137 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 24138 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 24139 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
We have an investor already? |
| 24140 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Maybe. Barbara Keebis. She invests in local businesses. And I am putting together a little presentation for her. |
| 24141 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Michael, that's fantastic. |
| 24142 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Michael |
Yeah, I guess it's not so bad. Got a few things cookin'. Umm... |
| 24143 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3829 |
Pam |
Hey! We need to get you dressed! |
| 24144 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3830 |
Pam |
I have doubts about this too. But when one person freaks out, sometimes it weirdly makes the other one calmer. That's one thing I've learned about relationships. I hate that I just used the word relationship. Hey! You look great! Let's go! |
| 24145 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3830 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 24146 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3831 |
Charles |
You a soccer fan? |
| 24147 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3831 |
Andy |
Oh. Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed. You weren't supposed to see this. This is like my secret obsession. |
| 24148 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3831 |
Charles |
Well, that makes two of us. |
| 24149 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3831 |
Andy |
No way! |
| 24150 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3831 |
Charles |
Yeah. |
| 24151 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3832 |
Andy |
I hate soccer. But guess who doesn't hate soccer? Charles Miner. |
| 24152 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3833 |
Charles |
I was actually in Germany for the 2006 World Cup Finals. |
| 24153 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3833 |
Andy |
Ahhh. You b*st*rd! That shoulda been me! |
| 24154 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3833 |
Charles |
Yeah, I love the sport. I love the sport. Alright, man. |
| 24155 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3833 |
Andy |
Cool! |
| 24156 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3834 |
Jim |
I've never been a kiss up. I - it's just not how I operate. I mean, I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly. |
| 24157 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
Next on the list - open the mail. |
| 24158 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Michael |
Oh. Wow. "Michael Scott Paper Company." Okay. Very official. "Dear Mr. Scott. Please be advised that it is in violation of your condominium agreement to conduct a business headquartered in your residence. The penalty, a forfeiture of residence." |
| 24159 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
No, okay. It's fine. It's fine. We're just gonna add "find office"... |
| 24160 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Michael |
How are we gonna find an office? How can we pay for an office? |
| 24161 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
Next on the list -- song parodies. |
| 24162 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay. "Achey Breaky Fart." |
| 24163 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
Great. Let's sing it in the car. |
| 24164 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Michael |
No! No No. No. "My Stumps." Like "My Humps" but a guy with no legs. |
| 24165 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 24166 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Michael |
We can do this. |
| 24167 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3835 |
Pam |
We can do this. |
| 24168 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Andy |
Whoa! And he just goes, "Boom". Goal! |
| 24169 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
Yep. Yep. That's Pele. |
| 24170 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Andy |
You know your soccer, man. |
| 24171 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
I know. Yes I do. |
| 24172 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Stanley |
I prefer Maradona. Uhhh... Diego Maradona. |
| 24173 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
Oh yeah? |
| 24174 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Stanley |
From Argentina. |
| 24175 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
I didn't know we had so many, uh, soccer fans in the office. |
| 24176 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Andy |
I mean, to be fair, I was the first one to talk about it, but... |
| 24177 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
What about you, Jim? You a fan of the game? |
| 24178 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Uh, no. Nope. Not really. |
| 24179 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
Well, it's not for everybody I suppose. |
| 24180 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
It's 'cause I'm more of a player. |
| 24181 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
Yeah? |
| 24182 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
You bet. |
| 24183 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Really, Jim? I had no idea you played soccer. 'Cause you never, ever talk about it. |
| 24184 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Well I do. |
| 24185 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Wow. |
| 24186 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
I play. |
| 24187 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
You can be so modest sometimes. |
| 24188 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Well, maybe you should get back to work. |
| 24189 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Maybe you and Charles should kick the soccer ball around. |
| 24190 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Maybe we will someday. |
| 24191 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Maybe you will tonight after work. What do you say? |
| 24192 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
That's a great idea, Dwight. |
| 24193 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Great ideas are just part of what I bring to the table. |
| 24194 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 24195 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
I don't try and be anything that I'm not. |
| 24196 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
What do you say, Jim? Huh? Wanna play some soccer? |
| 24197 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Jim, what do you say? |
| 24198 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Angela |
Sounds fun. |
| 24199 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Andy |
I'm in it to win. |
| 24200 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Dwight |
Game on! |
| 24201 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
Okay. See you on the field, there, bro. |
| 24202 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Jim |
Let's... eh... see ya. |
| 24203 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3836 |
Charles |
See you on the field. Ha, ha. I can't wait! |
| 24204 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3837 |
Jim |
Yep, I used to play soccer in school. From second to fourth grade. I was on the orange team. |
| 24205 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3838 |
Pam |
We got Vikram! |
| 24206 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3838 |
Vikram |
You got me. |
| 24207 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Vikram |
Where are we going? |
| 24208 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Pam |
We have a meeting with an investor today. |
| 24209 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Michael |
Yes we do. So, get excited. But I have to go the bathroom real quick. If you'll excuse me, be right back. Ah, okay. |
| 24210 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Vikram |
He seems really confident. |
| 24211 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Pam |
He can be. |
| 24212 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Vikram |
Confidence. It's the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool. |
| 24213 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3839 |
Pam |
Hm. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, Vikram. |
| 24214 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3840 |
Michael |
Hey. I would like a pair of size nine, please. It's Michael. |
| 24215 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3840 |
Ryan |
I'm swamped, Michael. Happy birthday to Sally in lane 27. |
| 24216 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3840 |
Michael |
Okay, imagine a company that has no memory of your past misconduct because they have no files. |
| 24217 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3841 |
Vikram |
He's taking a long time. Is it possible he's bowling? I mean, you know him better than I do. |
| 24218 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3841 |
Pam |
Yes. Yes, it's possible. |
| 24219 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Well, it has always been a lifelong dream. |
| 24220 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
Michael! What's going on? |
| 24221 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
I'm... |
| 24222 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
Hey, Ryan. |
| 24223 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
Hey, you. |
| 24224 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Excuse me. Yes? |
| 24225 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
This wasn't on the list. |
| 24226 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Yes, it is. |
| 24227 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
No. |
| 24228 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 24229 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
It's not. |
| 24230 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
It is. |
| 24231 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
When did you add this to the list? |
| 24232 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Pam. Everyone deserves a second second chance. Ryan, just out of curiosity, how much do you get paid here? |
| 24233 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
Sixty thousand dollars a year. |
| 24234 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
You get paid by the year at the bowling alley? |
| 24235 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
What do you make, secretary? |
| 24236 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Supervisor |
Back to work, shoe bitch! |
| 24237 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
I told you guys, I'm really busy here, so... |
| 24238 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Would you like to come to work for the Michael Scott Paper Company? |
| 24239 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
What size shoes are you guys? |
| 24240 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Uh, nine. |
| 24241 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Ryan |
What are those, a men's ten? |
| 24242 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
No. |
| 24243 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
Look what he's doing. |
| 24244 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
What is he doing? |
| 24245 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
He's stealing them. Okay, okay. |
| 24246 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
Oh my God. |
| 24247 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Michael |
He's already paying for himself. |
| 24248 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3842 |
Pam |
Sorry! |
| 24249 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3843 |
Ryan |
Where is it? |
| 24250 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3843 |
Michael |
Right here. |
| 24251 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3843 |
Vikram |
Hey, c'mon, guys. These are prime selling hours, you know. |
| 24252 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Charles |
Miner - |
| 24253 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Jim |
Oh, there he goes. |
| 24254 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Charles |
...sees his partner - |
| 24255 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 24256 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Charles |
Halpert. He looks up! |
| 24257 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Jim |
Aw, man. |
| 24258 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Charles |
Defending duo! He sets him up! He sets him up. Yeah. Oh-ho! |
| 24259 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Jim |
Oh! Goal! |
| 24260 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Charles |
Aw, man, I can't wait to play with you. |
| 24261 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3844 |
Jim |
Aw, it's gonna be the worst. |
| 24262 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Ryan |
Do you guys want to hear about Thailand? |
| 24263 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Michael |
Oh yeah. |
| 24264 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 24265 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Ryan |
It was indescribable. |
| 24266 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Michael |
Sounds awesome. |
| 24267 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3845 |
Pam |
Beat. |
| 24268 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3846 |
Vikram |
What sort of investing club is this? |
| 24269 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3846 |
Michael |
Vikram, you ask a lot of questions and I like that. Hey, Nana! Hi! |
| 24270 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3846 |
Pam |
Nana? |
| 24271 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3846 |
Nana |
Michael! |
| 24272 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3847 |
Michael |
People turn to their families all the time when they need help starting out and if my Nana's investment club can help the Michael Scott Paper Company become a reality, then I'm sure that's what she would have wanted. Does want. |
| 24273 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Michael |
Well I'm sure that you must all have very, very busy schedules, so I appreciate you meeting with us here today. What this is is a business that I have worked toward my entire life. Hey! I have assembled what I believe to be the most exciting, sought-after talent in the industry today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the dream team. From our very own Scranton, Pennsylvania - Pam Beesly. Pretty Pam is always reaching for the stars and someday, she may just surprise us all and grab one. Meet Vikram. From his humble beginnings as a - stay standing - from his humble beginnings as a prominent surgeon, he risked it all to become the most successful telemarketer in the lipophedrene industry. And do not call it a comeback. The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin, and recent bowling alley employee, Ryan Howard is about to make a splash in paper. |
| 24274 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Nana |
So let's hear it. |
| 24275 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Michael |
Okay. I have spent the last 15 years learning the ins and outs of the paper industry. With a lean, mean fighting crew and low overhead, I think I can perform the same business at a much, much higher rate of profit. |
| 24276 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Nana |
How do you expect to turn a profit in this economy? |
| 24277 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Michael |
By wanting it more. By working hard- |
| 24278 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Nana |
What's your mission statement? |
| 24279 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3848 |
Michael |
Mmmm-My mission is stated as follows: I will not be beat. I will never give up. I am on a mission. That is the Michael Scott guarantee. |
| 24280 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
C'mon, Oscar. What positions do people play? |
| 24281 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Dwight |
Wing. |
| 24282 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Kevin |
Wag. |
| 24283 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
Jim. What do you play? |
| 24284 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Jim |
Left. |
| 24285 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
Forward or half? |
| 24286 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Jim |
Forward, definitely. |
| 24287 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
Okay, striker, huh? |
| 24288 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Jim |
Striker! |
| 24289 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
Let's see what you got in those legs! |
| 24290 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Jim |
Alright! Let's do it. |
| 24291 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Charles |
Alright. No, no, no. That's supposed to be the kickoff. |
| 24292 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3849 |
Jim |
Kickoff. My strategy is to touch the ball as little as possible. Chalk it up to teamwork. Alright! |
| 24293 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
And I offer same day, free delivery. |
| 24294 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
Michael, I don't know about this. |
| 24295 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
Nana. I really think that Papa would want you to do this. |
| 24296 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
I'm not so sure. |
| 24297 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
Well what is it exactly? I mean, what, what specifically? We don't - it doesn't have to be paper. We could sell medicine and other... |
| 24298 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
See, this is what concerns me. |
| 24299 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Old Woman |
We could just give him a chance. It's not much money. |
| 24300 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
Well... this might not be the right time, but I need more than I originally asked for. |
| 24301 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
This isn't a handout club. It's an investment club! |
| 24302 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 24303 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
I love you, Michael. I do. |
| 24304 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 24305 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3850 |
Nana |
But no. I mean it. No. |
| 24306 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3851 |
Vikram |
I thought Nana raised some good questions. What kind of a name is Nana? |
| 24307 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3851 |
Pam |
It means grandmother. |
| 24308 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3851 |
Vikram |
Oh, sweet Jesus. Look, I'm sorry to do this, but can you drop me back at the telemarketing building? |
| 24309 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3852 |
Vikram |
You know, Michael? You want to succeed? You got to apply the same- |
| 24310 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Andy |
Get 'im, Jim! C'mon, tough D, Jim. |
| 24311 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Charles |
Oh, my God! Oh wow. Jim, what the? |
| 24312 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Oscar |
Phyllis, Phyllis. |
| 24313 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Charles |
Phyllis, are you okay? Are, you okay? |
| 24314 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Phyllis |
No, I swallowed a crown. |
| 24315 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Charles |
Why'd you duck, Jim? |
| 24316 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Jim |
What? |
| 24317 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Dwight |
Yeah, Jim. Why would an experienced soccer player like yourself duck at the very last moment? |
| 24318 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Jim |
Okay, I'm just gonna go get some ice. |
| 24319 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Charles |
Does that make you feel better? Huh? |
| 24320 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, Phyllis. |
| 24321 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3853 |
Charles |
Oh, yeah. Jim's sorry. |
| 24322 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Ryan |
Do you get TNT? The station? Do you get TNT? |
| 24323 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
Yeah. I have cable and satellite as a backup. Yeah, I know. Two not-so-great things in a row. Ehhhh, well. Stuff happens, right? At least we got Ryan. The Rye-guy. We should call him Rye bread. We don't have to call him that. Unless you like it. We could call him that. |
| 24324 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
I can't do this. |
| 24325 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
What's that? |
| 24326 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
I can't do this. I had a real job. I sat ten feet away from my fiance. I had health benefits. I was just feeling impulsive. I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle. |
| 24327 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
Blech. |
| 24328 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
I just keep getting bored. And I let things build up and build up and then I - I, I do something too big, like this. Who does this? |
| 24329 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
Well you know what? My mom always used to say that average people are the most special people in the world. And that's why God made so many. |
| 24330 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
We don't have any money. We don't have an office. We don't have anything. |
| 24331 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
Well we should make a list. Lists are good. Lists are good. Lists are good. First on the list, let's get you out of the car. Alright. Okay... |
| 24332 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
How come out of everyone in the office, I'm the only one that went with you? Is it because I'm that stupid? I mean, your own grandmother doesn't even believe in you! |
| 24333 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That's what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit. |
| 24334 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 24335 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3854 |
Michael |
So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or... that's it. That's our only option. Because we quit. Pam, I do my best work when people don't believe in me. I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team. See what I mean? I thrive on this. I thrive on it. So I'm gonna go inside. I'm going to make some calls, I'm gonna get us an office space, and I'm going to show you why you joined this company. Okay? |
| 24336 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3855 |
Michael |
You gotta have some extra space. Philly, work with me here. There's gotta be some sort of secret office that you have... lurkin' around... some awesome, free, keep it off the books... Oh, no. Not there. That would be humiliating. |
| 24337 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3856 |
Michael |
I did what I had to do. I stepped in. I took charge. That's what being a man is. And earlier today, I was freaking out. Pam stepped up. She was the man. Don't think a woman can be a man? Well, then that's your stereotype, not mine. |
| 24338 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 24339 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Pam |
I could work here. I could see this. |
| 24340 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Michael |
It's right in the middle of the paper belt. |
| 24341 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Pam |
Are you good? |
| 24342 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm good. You good? |
| 24343 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3857 |
Pam |
I'm good. |
| 24344 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3858 |
Michael |
You know what they say, keep your friends close. |
| 24345 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3858 |
Charles |
Michael, you're back. |
| 24346 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3858 |
Michael |
Yes, I am, Charles. |
| 24347 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3858 |
Charles |
Mmmhmm. |
| 24348 |
5 |
22 |
Dream Team |
3858 |
Michael |
Except this time, you have no legal right to kick me out, because I have started my very own paper company right here in the building. If I were you, Charles Miner, I would watch your step. Because the Michael Scott Paper Company is about to open a big ol' can of whoopass on Dunder Mifflin. Actually a six pack. We're gonna open a six pack of whoopass. He looks scared. |
| 24349 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3859 |
Michael |
It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. Okay. Not gonna make this one. |
| 24350 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3860 |
Jim |
LOVE the hair. |
| 24351 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3860 |
Pam |
Morning Michael! |
| 24352 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3860 |
Michael |
Hello! They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride! |
| 24353 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3861 |
Michael |
I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company! |
| 24354 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Kelly |
So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could... |
| 24355 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Jim |
You realize you're not actually talking to me, right? |
| 24356 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Kelly |
And... |
| 24357 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Charles |
Hey Kelly? |
| 24358 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Kelly |
Yes? Charles, you wanted me? |
| 24359 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3862 |
Charles |
Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. |
| 24360 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3863 |
Jim |
The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had. |
| 24361 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Charles |
Oh, and Kelly... |
| 24362 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Kelly |
Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me? |
| 24363 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Charles |
Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon. |
| 24364 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Erin |
If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name. |
| 24365 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Charles |
Erin. Okay, that's very pretty. |
| 24366 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Kelly |
Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it! |
| 24367 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3864 |
Kevin |
I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name? |
| 24368 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3865 |
Michael |
We are in the heart of it. And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea. |
| 24369 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3865 |
Pam |
What should we do now? |
| 24370 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3865 |
Michael |
We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon. |
| 24371 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3866 |
Michael |
I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it. |
| 24372 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3867 |
Michael |
I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service. |
| 24373 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3868 |
Pam |
I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet. |
| 24374 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3869 |
Andy |
What do you think? |
| 24375 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3869 |
Dwight |
Let me check. Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together. |
| 24376 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3869 |
Andy |
Thank you! |
| 24377 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3870 |
Dwight |
Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do. |
| 24378 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3871 |
Ryan |
You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style. |
| 24379 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3871 |
Michael |
Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend. |
| 24380 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3871 |
Ryan |
Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space. |
| 24381 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Charles |
Hey Jim can I get a, um- |
| 24382 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Jim |
Hi! |
| 24383 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Charles |
Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me. |
| 24384 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Jim |
Sure! |
| 24385 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Charles |
Yeah. |
| 24386 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3872 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 24387 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3873 |
Jim |
What the hell's a rundown? |
| 24388 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3874 |
Jim |
When did you need that rundown by? |
| 24389 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3874 |
Charles |
As soon as possible. |
| 24390 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3874 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 24391 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3874 |
Charles |
Just get it right. |
| 24392 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3874 |
Jim |
Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it? |
| 24393 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 24394 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
You know there's a ghost in this office |
| 24395 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 24396 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute. |
| 24397 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Why was she in this building? |
| 24398 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor. |
| 24399 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
That's crazy. |
| 24400 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Yeah isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop. |
| 24401 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Oh my god! |
| 24402 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder? |
| 24403 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Hmm. |
| 24404 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next. |
| 24405 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 24406 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Just kidding. You finding everything okay? |
| 24407 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 24408 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Yeah? |
| 24409 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Just got some ice. |
| 24410 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Erin Erin... |
| 24411 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Andy |
Oh, this is awkward. |
| 24412 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
Oops! |
| 24413 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Andy |
Uh oh! Oh! Oh! |
| 24414 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Erin |
So I'll see you guys around! |
| 24415 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3875 |
Dwight |
Hey buddy. |
| 24416 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Michael |
Hey Ryan? Could you get to that copy from before? |
| 24417 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
Pam's better at that stuff |
| 24418 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Pam |
That is so insulting. |
| 24419 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
How is it insulting to say that you're good at something? |
| 24420 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Pam |
Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times. |
| 24421 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other. |
| 24422 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Pam |
Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other. |
| 24423 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
What the hell? |
| 24424 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Michael |
Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals. |
| 24425 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
Yeah I make originals too. |
| 24426 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Pam |
Shut up! |
| 24427 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Michael |
Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it! |
| 24428 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Pam |
Really! |
| 24429 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Ryan |
Yeah! |
| 24430 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Toby |
Not much? What's up with you? Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. Hey does blue go with tan? |
| 24431 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Michael |
Would someone just make the copy? |
| 24432 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Toby |
I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh. |
| 24433 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3876 |
Michael |
Just make that copy okay? |
| 24434 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop? |
| 24435 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand. |
| 24436 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day. |
| 24437 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all. |
| 24438 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Like how? Dyeing my hair blond? |
| 24439 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
This is from the sun. |
| 24440 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Oh yeah I bet. |
| 24441 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Michael |
They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim. |
| 24442 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Michael, we can hear you. |
| 24443 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Michael |
I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B. |
| 24444 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Okay it's my turn. |
| 24445 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
No don't take that, give that back! |
| 24446 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Give it back for what? What're you gonna do with it? |
| 24447 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
I'm gonna make a spreadsheet. |
| 24448 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
You're gonna make another "spreadsheet." |
| 24449 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
Yeah! |
| 24450 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Yeah exactly. It's my turn. |
| 24451 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Ryan |
Go make a copy, secretary. |
| 24452 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3877 |
Pam |
Come on! Ryan! |
| 24453 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3878 |
Michael |
They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get? |
| 24454 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
Hey buddy, what are you up to? |
| 24455 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Andy |
Um, nerthing? |
| 24456 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your pen1s. |
| 24457 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Andy |
Pffft. |
| 24458 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us? |
| 24459 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Andy |
The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man. |
| 24460 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
And I, yours. So I will cede her to you. |
| 24461 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Andy |
No, that's ridiculous. |
| 24462 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
No no no. |
| 24463 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Andy |
Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so- |
| 24464 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3879 |
Dwight |
Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, Boom. |
| 24465 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Michael |
Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small. |
| 24466 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Pam |
Definitely. |
| 24467 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Michael |
Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own. |
| 24468 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Pam |
We could work from home. |
| 24469 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Ryan |
Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education. |
| 24470 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Michael |
Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do? |
| 24471 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Pam |
.... Corner idea? |
| 24472 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Michael |
No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house." |
| 24473 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Ryan |
Rock the house! |
| 24474 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3880 |
Pam |
How would we know that? |
| 24475 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Jim |
Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is? |
| 24476 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Oscar |
Use it in a sentence. |
| 24477 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Jim |
"Uh, can you get this rundown for me?" |
| 24478 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Oscar |
Try another sentence. |
| 24479 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Jim |
"This rundown better be really good"? |
| 24480 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Oscar |
I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important. |
| 24481 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Jim |
Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients. |
| 24482 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Oscar |
Why don't you just ask him-- |
| 24483 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Jim |
No. I can't. It was like, hours ago. |
| 24484 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Oscar |
What have you been doing? |
| 24485 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3881 |
Kevin |
Try it in another sentence. |
| 24486 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3882 |
Ryan |
Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I'm talking about it's the one, the one with the awesome browser. No, not that one. |
| 24487 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Michael |
That's my corner. |
| 24488 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Pam |
I thought that was your corner. |
| 24489 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Michael |
No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work. |
| 24490 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Pam |
So my corner's the one with the copier? |
| 24491 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Michael |
Pam, I don't make the rules. |
| 24492 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3883 |
Ryan |
Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is. |
| 24493 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
You started on that rundown yet? |
| 24494 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with. |
| 24495 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
Oh. |
| 24496 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now. |
| 24497 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
Okay, great. |
| 24498 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ? |
| 24499 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
Just keep it simple. |
| 24500 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard. |
| 24501 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
You're working hard? On this? |
| 24502 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should. |
| 24503 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Charles |
Right. I mean why work harder than you should. |
| 24504 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3884 |
Jim |
No, I.... |
| 24505 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Erin |
Can I help you? |
| 24506 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
No thanks. |
| 24507 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 24508 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Hey I'm here to see Charles. |
| 24509 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 24510 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Hey Charles. |
| 24511 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
Hey Pam. |
| 24512 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back. |
| 24513 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken. |
| 24514 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now. |
| 24515 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
Um. |
| 24516 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people. |
| 24517 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
Yeah I know. |
| 24518 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Personal shopper? |
| 24519 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
No. |
| 24520 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Pam |
Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building. |
| 24521 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3885 |
Charles |
Okay. |
| 24522 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3886 |
Pam |
I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable. |
| 24523 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Michael |
Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour. |
| 24524 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Stanley |
I get it. You need to see more? |
| 24525 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Phyllis |
It's really cute. |
| 24526 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Michael |
Thank you. You remember Ryan And Pam is around here somewhere. |
| 24527 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Stanley |
She's upstairs talking to Charles. |
| 24528 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Michael |
What for? |
| 24529 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Stanley |
I don't know. |
| 24530 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Ryan |
Are we staying til five? |
| 24531 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3887 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 24532 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3888 |
Michael |
Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em. |
| 24533 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. Young sir, would you like a free pancake? |
| 24534 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Ryan |
I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky. |
| 24535 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company. |
| 24536 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
Hey Pam. |
| 24537 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 24538 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been? |
| 24539 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Pam |
Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff. |
| 24540 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 24541 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Pam |
That's as specific as I'd like to be. |
| 24542 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3889 |
Michael |
Well, at least you're still being honest with me. |
| 24543 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Jim |
There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for. |
| 24544 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Charles |
Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list. |
| 24545 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Jim |
Yeah sure. You want to look at it first? |
| 24546 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Charles |
Do I need to? |
| 24547 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Jim |
No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...? |
| 24548 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Charles |
What's that? |
| 24549 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3890 |
Jim |
The one I have. I'll use the one I have. |
| 24550 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3891 |
Jim |
Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown. |
| 24551 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3892 |
Pam |
We're small, but we're eager to make a name for ourselves. |
| 24552 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3892 |
Man |
Do you have a card? |
| 24553 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3892 |
Pam |
Nope, I don't have a card, but I'll do you one better. A little scrap of paper. |
| 24554 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3893 |
Creed |
These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly. |
| 24555 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3893 |
Michael |
These are shaped like paper. |
| 24556 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3893 |
Creed |
Well I don't even want these. |
| 24557 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3893 |
Meredith |
I'll take them for my kid. |
| 24558 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Erin |
Country roads, take me home, to the place... Sorry. I like that song. You're good! |
| 24559 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
You're good. |
| 24560 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 24561 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Andy |
That was great, but it's just sort of, it's still a little choppy like. But don't worry, it's hard, it took me a while too. It's like |
| 24562 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Erin |
Wow! |
| 24563 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Andy |
What? Oh my God you heard that I'm so embarrassed. I'm like so rusty. |
| 24564 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
Oh it's good, you're coming along. It's really technically proficient but really there's no heart or soul in it. |
| 24565 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Andy |
Really? |
| 24566 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven... |
| 24567 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight, Erin |
West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River |
| 24568 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasend |
| 24569 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. |
| 24570 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Dwight |
Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh |
| 24571 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3894 |
Toby |
You have to stop. |
| 24572 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. It is a disgusting sandwich. And the reason I tell you this story. Pick up the phone. |
| 24573 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
Dunder Miff...Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we'd like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen? |
| 24574 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Ryan |
Keep going. |
| 24575 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Don't tell them we have free delivery! |
| 24576 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
We already offered free delivery! |
| 24577 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
They don't know that! |
| 24578 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great! |
| 24579 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Ryan |
Write it down. |
| 24580 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Give him a guarantee. |
| 24581 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
A guarantee of what? |
| 24582 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Just say the word. |
| 24583 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell. |
| 24584 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Yes! |
| 24585 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
I made a sale! |
| 24586 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Ryan |
Oh! |
| 24587 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
You did! |
| 24588 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 24589 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Oh yeah! |
| 24590 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Ryan |
We did it ! |
| 24591 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
She did it! |
| 24592 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3895 |
Michael |
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! |
| 24593 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3896 |
Michael |
Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important. |
| 24594 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song. |
| 24595 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Dwight |
Cherry Pie, Warrant. |
| 24596 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Better a cappella! |
| 24597 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Dwight |
No! Really? |
| 24598 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Yeah. Name another. |
| 24599 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Dwight |
Enter Sandman, Metallica. |
| 24600 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Better a cappella. |
| 24601 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Dwight |
Rebel Yell, Billy Idol |
| 24602 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Aw!! Way better a cappella |
| 24603 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 24604 |
5 |
23 |
The Michael Scott Paper Company |
3897 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 24605 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3898 |
Michael |
Hup! |
| 24606 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3899 |
Pam |
Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face. |
| 24607 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3899 |
Michael |
Hup! |
| 24608 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3899 |
Pam |
We're getting pretty good at it. |
| 24609 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3900 |
Jim |
Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela, but then she was sleeping with Dwight for... several years. Wait, no, that can't be right. |
| 24610 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3900 |
Pam |
The timeline's messy. |
| 24611 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3900 |
Jim |
Anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love. |
| 24612 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Andy |
This is my solo. |
| 24613 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Pam |
I'm confused. Am I walking down the aisle to 'You Can Call Me Al?' |
| 24614 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Andy |
Trust me. You will not be walking. You will be boogie-ing. |
| 24615 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Jim |
I am extremely interested. So, how much will all of this cost? |
| 24616 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Andy |
Well, 12 guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000. |
| 24617 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Pam |
I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to. |
| 24618 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Andy |
Did you even hear the music I just played for you? |
| 24619 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3901 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 24620 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Phyllis |
What's wrong with you? |
| 24621 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Dwight |
These sleeves are cutting off my circulation. Not enough blood getting to my hands. |
| 24622 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Phyllis |
I think you look nice. |
| 24623 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Dwight |
Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence. |
| 24624 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Charles |
Looking good. |
| 24625 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3902 |
Dwight |
'Kay, thank you. It's a straight jacket! Okay. |
| 24626 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3903 |
Dwight |
When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on, so what you wore to work was the least of anybody's worries. And in that chaos, I soared. |
| 24627 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 24628 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
Hey. Ed's Tires is thinking of making a change. |
| 24629 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
Is this good? |
| 24630 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
They have some great kitchen ideas. |
| 24631 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
Oh. Okay. Ed's Tires, huh? |
| 24632 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
It's small, I know. |
| 24633 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
I really appreciate it. |
| 24634 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
Thanks, Michael. Wait, what is this? |
| 24635 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
It's for your trouble. |
| 24636 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
Wh- I don't need $6 to help a friend. |
| 24637 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have this. |
| 24638 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
Michael, you know I can't take this. |
| 24639 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
Yes, I do. |
| 24640 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
But don't forget you owe me $10. |
| 24641 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Michael |
That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go? |
| 24642 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3904 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 24643 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Andy |
What was up with Pam being all pushy and negative in there? |
| 24644 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Jim |
I think she just didn't want a crucifix cake. |
| 24645 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Andy |
It scares me to see you going down a road that I went down. |
| 24646 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Jim |
Am I going down a road? |
| 24647 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Andy |
When I see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance. |
| 24648 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3905 |
Jim |
It's so scary how right the things you're saying are. And you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this. |
| 24649 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3906 |
Andy |
I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things. |
| 24650 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3907 |
Jim |
I was going to use today to purge my inbox, but now something much more pressing has come up. |
| 24651 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Michael |
Ed's Tires. Why don't you tell them that we have fewer clients, so we can spend more time with each of them. Also, try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women. |
| 24652 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Pam |
I'm not gonna do that. |
| 24653 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Michael |
That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan? |
| 24654 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Ryan |
I can get there. |
| 24655 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Michael |
Good, you take the lead on this one. Also, do not forget that he has just gone through a messy divorce. |
| 24656 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Ryan |
Oh, awesome. |
| 24657 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Michael |
Bring it in. Morning cheer. |
| 24658 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3908 |
Michael, Pam, Ryan |
U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, huh huh, you ugly! You mama says you ugly! Hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company! |
| 24659 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3909 |
Pam |
I'm here. I'm a part of this now. |
| 24660 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
You needed to speak to me? |
| 24661 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
Dwight, take a seat. |
| 24662 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
I prefer to stand. Less blood clots. |
| 24663 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
Nah, that's weird. You're gonna sit. Great. You know, Dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. Are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately? |
| 24664 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
Do you mean compared to the ways things ran with other bosses? Comparisons are hard. |
| 24665 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
I've just been impressed with your performance and I wanted to make sure good work doesn't go unnoticed. |
| 24666 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
Your concern is noted. |
| 24667 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
Yeah, I like your work ethic. You're so... focused. |
| 24668 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
Like a wolf. Thank you. |
| 24669 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
And I wanna start givin' you more responsibility. What do you say you and I go out for a drink this week? |
| 24670 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 24671 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Charles |
Definitely. |
| 24672 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3910 |
Dwight |
It's firm. |
| 24673 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
I need you to get me the prices that you're charging Ed's tires so I can undercut Dunder Mifflin. |
| 24674 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
I don't know that I can do that now. You know, uh, something's come up. |
| 24675 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Oh n- Is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well? |
| 24676 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
No, Mose is fine. I roped it off. It's not about Mose. Listen, things are changing here, Michael, they're changing fast. |
| 24677 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
I'm not following you. |
| 24678 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
Imagine... Someone has a personal hero they really wanna help. But then there's this new guy. Very cool, very Will Smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero. |
| 24679 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Personal hero, cool new guy. Okay, I think I'm getting your drift. |
| 24680 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
Good, do you see what I'm saying? |
| 24681 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Crystal clear. So is this for a movie that you're writing? |
| 24682 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 24683 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Can I use it? |
| 24684 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 24685 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Dwight, are you talking about us? |
| 24686 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
It is possible that I could be talking about us. |
| 24687 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Someone could say that it is like the situation that we are in now? |
| 24688 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
It is the situation that we are in now. |
| 24689 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
So I would say that the old boss has always been good to Dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. You respect dibs, don't you? |
| 24690 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
I'm not a barbarian. |
| 24691 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Good. Will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot? |
| 24692 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
I will. |
| 24693 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Dwight? |
| 24694 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
Yes? |
| 24695 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Is the cool new guy Charles? |
| 24696 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Dwight |
I've said too much. |
| 24697 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3911 |
Michael |
Is it Stanley? |
| 24698 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Jim |
Hey, Andy. You know I've been thinkin about what you said- |
| 24699 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Andy |
'Noishe.' |
| 24700 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Jim |
-I just don't know if I can do it. |
| 24701 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Andy |
That's interesting, because I hear what you're saying is that you want to do it, which means you can do it. Believe me, I broke up with Angela, and I'm like, the happiest guy ever. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Like, total freedom, you know? |
| 24702 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Jim |
It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy. |
| 24703 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Andy |
And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be your traveling pants. Ah, what'd you do that for? |
| 24704 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Jim |
You know that I was doin' this. |
| 24705 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Andy |
Totally. |
| 24706 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3912 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 24707 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
Hello, Dwight. What's with the shirt? Are you alright? |
| 24708 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry, Michael |
| 24709 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
Hi, Michael. |
| 24710 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
Oh my God! Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup! |
| 24711 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
No, Mich-Michael. |
| 24712 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
Dwight, run! |
| 24713 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
Michael, no, let's be cool, ok? |
| 24714 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
You be cool. |
| 24715 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
Yes. |
| 24716 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
Just-what's going on? |
| 24717 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
We need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. Dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info. |
| 24718 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
Mm-do... Dwight would not- |
| 24719 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
He did. |
| 24720 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Dwight |
I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it. |
| 24721 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Charles |
Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand? |
| 24722 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3913 |
Michael |
I. Understand. Nothing. |
| 24723 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 24724 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Pam |
Michael, are you alright? |
| 24725 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Michael |
It was a setup. Dwight told Charles. He told him. |
| 24726 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Pam |
Tell us what you're talking about. |
| 24727 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 24728 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Michael |
It's like, a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon. |
| 24729 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Pam |
We can't help you if you don't just tell us what happened. |
| 24730 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3914 |
Michael |
I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, ok? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know. Is that clear enough for you? |
| 24731 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Andy |
Hey, Jim. |
| 24732 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Jim |
I just totally blew a sales call. |
| 24733 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Andy |
Bro, I do that all the time. |
| 24734 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Jim |
Yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? Cause I just- I just suck. I just- I suck! |
| 24735 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Andy |
Tuna, be nice to my friend Jim, ok? |
| 24736 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Jim |
Why? When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back. |
| 24737 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Andy |
Well, so what? Your body's a ten. |
| 24738 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Jim |
Forget it. |
| 24739 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Andy |
Jim. |
| 24740 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3915 |
Jim |
I said forget it. |
| 24741 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 24742 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Michael |
Hello, traitor. |
| 24743 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Dwight |
I think you have the wrong number, Michael. |
| 24744 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Michael |
I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you, and I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you. |
| 24745 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Pam |
Michael! |
| 24746 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Michael |
I'm just getting hardcore with him. |
| 24747 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Ryan |
Finally. |
| 24748 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3916 |
Michael |
Yes, and hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. Bill Cosby. |
| 24749 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3917 |
Dwight |
Mr. Schofield, please? |
| 24750 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3917 |
Secretary |
He's in a meeting. |
| 24751 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3917 |
Dwight |
Dammit! |
| 24752 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3918 |
Michael |
Is Mr. Schofield there? |
| 24753 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3918 |
Automated phone voice |
If you'd like to reach an outside line, please dial nine first. |
| 24754 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3919 |
Stanley |
So, you think Michael's going after the whale, huh? |
| 24755 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3919 |
Dwight |
I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried. |
| 24756 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3919 |
Phyllis |
You sound worried. |
| 24757 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3919 |
Dwight |
And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations! |
| 24758 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3920 |
Michael |
Well, if you could do me a big favor and tell Mr. Schofield that Michael Scott has tickets to the Wilkes-Barre Penguins game this weekend, and if he would like to join me... Hello, Daniel. How are you? Uh-huh. I sure do. Yes. Wanted to ask, did Kathy ever make JV? |
| 24759 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3920 |
Ryan |
Look at that old dude and his rolodex go. |
| 24760 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3920 |
Pam |
I spent a month putting that rolodex on his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight. |
| 24761 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3920 |
Michael |
Wow. High score? |
| 24762 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3921 |
Dwight |
And no, I cannot lower my current prices. Hold on. Hello? Mr. Schofield, thank you so much for taking the time to talk. I wanted to discuss your contract with us- oh, you're considering him. I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown. |
| 24763 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3922 |
Dwight |
Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still... |
| 24764 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
Hello, Dwight, I've been expecting your call. What do you want? |
| 24765 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
I would like to arrange a truce. |
| 24766 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
So you heard Schofield is considering a switch, and you want mercy? |
| 24767 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
Meet me in our spot in four minutes. |
| 24768 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
No. No. You think I am going to fall for that? There's no- |
| 24769 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 24770 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
Meet- Ok, go to the spot and then walk 100 feet. |
| 24771 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
In which direction? |
| 24772 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
Toward the sun. |
| 24773 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
At what time? |
| 24774 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
Noon. |
| 24775 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Dwight |
That- |
| 24776 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3923 |
Michael |
You have two seconds. |
| 24777 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
Michael. Sorry. |
| 24778 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
Dwight. |
| 24779 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 24780 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
I hope you're not recording this conversation. Good. I cannot believe that you sided with Charles. |
| 24781 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
You were making me do things that were not all right. |
| 24782 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
So you just rat me out? You could have said no. |
| 24783 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
And not come through for you? |
| 24784 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
If you want a truce, I will give you a truce. |
| 24785 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
I want a truce. |
| 24786 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
I do too. |
| 24787 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
Let me take you and your whole company out for lunch at Alfredo's. |
| 24788 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
Cooper's. |
| 24789 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Dwight |
I had fish yesterday. |
| 24790 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3924 |
Michael |
Damn it. |
| 24791 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Michael |
Oh. Dwight-elicious. Where you at? |
| 24792 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Dwight |
Oh, hi, Michael. I'm so sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic. |
| 24793 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Michael |
Really? That's weird. We didn't see any. |
| 24794 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Dwight |
I hit a bear. |
| 24795 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Michael |
What? |
| 24796 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Dwight |
He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo. Hey, listen, will you do me a favor and order the meatball parm for me, with extra cheese? |
| 24797 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Michael |
Yeah, sure. |
| 24798 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Dwight |
Ok, I will see you very soon, alright? |
| 24799 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3925 |
Michael |
Okay, see you in a bit. Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec. |
| 24800 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Pam |
Sounds neat. |
| 24801 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Ryan |
We can spend a couple days there. |
| 24802 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Pam |
Oh my God, I think we've been robbed! |
| 24803 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 24804 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
Did you enjoy your lunch? |
| 24805 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
Dwight, not now, we've been robbed. |
| 24806 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
No, Michael, you were sabotaged. |
| 24807 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. You? |
| 24808 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
Me. |
| 24809 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
What about our truce? |
| 24810 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
I broke it. |
| 24811 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
On purpose? |
| 24812 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 24813 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 24814 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf! |
| 24815 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it. |
| 24816 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Dwight |
And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich! |
| 24817 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3926 |
Michael |
Oh. b*st*rd! |
| 24818 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3927 |
Dwight |
Hi there. Dwight Schrute here. I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age 7? Oh, you don't say. |
| 24819 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3928 |
Dwight |
Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, "great salesman, better friend." "Tall" and "beets." |
| 24820 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife. I see you're begging for mercy, huh? Well, you will find none here. |
| 24821 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Dwight, do you mind if we talk? |
| 24822 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
Sure. That'd be fine. |
| 24823 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
If you keep coming after us, the Michael Scott Paper Company cannot succeed. |
| 24824 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
This is war and that is what happens. |
| 24825 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Oh, one more thing. I'm going to have you listen while I steal your biggest client. |
| 24826 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. No. No. No. No. |
| 24827 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Oh, uh oh, I'm turning you down right now. |
| 24828 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
Michael! Michael! |
| 24829 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
You can hear me, but I can't hear you. |
| 24830 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Secretary |
Mr. Schofield's ready to see you now, Mr. Scott. |
| 24831 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much. |
| 24832 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Dwight |
Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael! |
| 24833 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Walking in the door... |
| 24834 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Mr. Schofield |
Michael, good to see you. |
| 24835 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3929 |
Michael |
Mr. Schofield, good to see you. And I'm closing the door. |
| 24836 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3930 |
Michael |
Now, when Dwight tells you that he will keep prices steady for a year, I think he is speaking out of turn. |
| 24837 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3930 |
Mr. Schofield |
Really? |
| 24838 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3930 |
Michael |
Yes. He does not have the authority to say that. I, on the other hand, am the president, the owner, and the founder. It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates. |
| 24839 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3930 |
Dwight |
Are you saying you invented paper? |
| 24840 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Andy |
Okay, okay. |
| 24841 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Jim |
Oh, God. |
| 24842 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Andy |
Okay, Tuna. |
| 24843 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Kelly |
Hey, guys. |
| 24844 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 24845 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3931 |
Andy |
Hello. |
| 24846 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3932 |
Andy |
Excuse me, can I have your attention, everyone? Here's the deal, everybody, Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed. I don't know if it was something you did, something you said, a look you gave him, maybe it was nothing at all, but here's the deal, ok? It stops now. |
| 24847 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3932 |
Kevin |
I guess I could be nicer. |
| 24848 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3932 |
Phyllis |
Andy, I think Jim is messing with you. |
| 24849 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3932 |
Andy |
Oh, really? |
| 24850 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3932 |
Phyllis |
Mm-hmm. |
| 24851 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3933 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 24852 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3933 |
Andy |
Yeah, okay, what the heck is happennin' here? |
| 24853 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3933 |
Jim |
Two things I need you to understand. One, Pam and I are very happy together. |
| 24854 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3933 |
Andy |
Uh, that's not what was- |
| 24855 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3933 |
Jim |
And two, that stuff that happened with you and Angela is a bummer, and I know you don't think you're ever gonna find someone else, but you will. I promise you, you will. |
| 24856 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3934 |
Andy |
Oh man, he got me so good. I learned something about myself today. Yeah. I wish this was a sofa, cause I feel like I could sit here and talk for hours. |
| 24857 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
What is that thing that Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow? |
| 24858 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
It's not the soil! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil! Aah! |
| 24859 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Secretary |
Uh, hello, Dwight. |
| 24860 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
Spin move. |
| 24861 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Secretary |
Oh- |
| 24862 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
Ha ha! April 13th, 2002. |
| 24863 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Mr. Schofield |
Dwight, I'm in a meeting. |
| 24864 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
That's very rude. |
| 24865 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002, that is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased. |
| 24866 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Mr. Schofield |
Maybe we should schedule a meeting on our- |
| 24867 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
La la la! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin, and your order was filled within an hour! |
| 24868 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now. April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin... |
| 24869 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 24870 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
Are going to fall by the wayside. Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month. |
| 24871 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you. |
| 24872 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Mr. Schofield |
Why don't you guys just e-mail me your best offers and we can finish it up that way? |
| 24873 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual. |
| 24874 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Mr. Schofield |
Uh, ok, sure. |
| 24875 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Michael |
Good, good, good. I will see you. |
| 24876 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um, how's your gay son? |
| 24877 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3935 |
Mr. Schofield |
Excuse me? |
| 24878 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3936 |
Michael |
I color code all my info. I wrote "gay son" in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means "Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?" Most colors mean "Don't say it." |
| 24879 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3937 |
Dwight |
How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore? |
| 24880 |
5 |
24 |
Heavy Competition |
3938 |
Michael |
I wanted to start a company, not a war. Because in a war, you always fight those you are closest to. And the great tragedy of the civil war is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve? Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important though. That's just how the world works, I guess. |
| 24881 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3939 |
Michael |
It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route. |
| 24882 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3940 |
Michael |
Time to make the donuts. Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. De-nied! |
| 24883 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3941 |
Ryan |
We've been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick. |
| 24884 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3942 |
Michael |
Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! Hey Pam. |
| 24885 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3943 |
Pam |
We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says "Alleluia Church of Scranton." in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it. |
| 24886 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Pam |
You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael? |
| 24887 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Michael |
Milk and sugar. |
| 24888 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Pam |
Oh, awesome. You're a life saver. Wait, is this just milk and sugar? |
| 24889 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Michael |
That's what I said. |
| 24890 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Pam |
Do you drink this every day? |
| 24891 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3944 |
Michael |
Every morning. |
| 24892 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3945 |
Michael |
We're, uh, we're doing okay. A couple weeks in and, um, we're having fun. Uh, yep. We have 20-- of those. |
| 24893 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3945 |
Pam |
Oh, oh, excuse me! Sorry. Sorry, no. It's, uh, it's a paper company now. It's not for the church. |
| 24894 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming? |
| 24895 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Jim |
Oh, they're my client. |
| 24896 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company. |
| 24897 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Dwight |
Shame, Jim. I expected more. |
| 24898 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
In the last month we have lost ten major clients to Michael Scott. |
| 24899 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Stanley |
What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price. |
| 24900 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable. |
| 24901 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Andy |
Hey, Boss. Uh, I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys. |
| 24902 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
Why are you telling me this? |
| 24903 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Andy |
I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie. |
| 24904 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Charles |
Is this something you really want to have said? |
| 24905 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3946 |
Andy |
I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it. |
| 24906 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Charles |
I don't know what to do to inspire these people. Okay, maybe it's my fault- |
| 24907 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Dwight |
It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired. |
| 24908 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Charles |
I wrote a memo to all departments asking them to find ways to save money but, uh-- |
| 24909 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Angela |
Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not. |
| 24910 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Charles |
Uh, well said, Angela. |
| 24911 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3947 |
Dwight |
Been there, done that. |
| 24912 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Michael |
You know what we need? We need some couches in here. |
| 24913 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Ryan |
Michael, we should really consider getting a delivery guy. |
| 24914 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Michael |
Oh, you know what you would love? Is if we built a loft. |
| 24915 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Pam |
Why would I love that? Can we afford a delivery guy? |
| 24916 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Michael |
Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top. |
| 24917 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Pam |
Yeah, I know what a loft is. |
| 24918 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Ryan |
Most dorm rooms don't even have that. |
| 24919 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Michael |
Most do in the magazines. |
| 24920 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Ryan |
Let's see what a delivery guy costs. |
| 24921 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3948 |
Michael |
We should look into that. Or we just go for the loft. |
| 24922 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
David Wallace |
Would you let Charles know that David is here, please? Jim, hey. |
| 24923 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
Jim |
Hey, David. |
| 24924 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
Dwight |
David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you. |
| 24925 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
Charles |
There he is. There he is. How was the trip up? |
| 24926 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
David |
A lot better than a month at the Scranton Radisson, I'm sure. |
| 24927 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
Charles |
Oh, you know it hasn't been that bad. Hasn't been that bad. These people are the salt of the earth down here. You couldn't ask for a better way to learn a company. |
| 24928 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
David |
Hmmm. |
| 24929 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
Charles |
I feel like I should be thanking you. |
| 24930 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3949 |
David |
Uh. |
| 24931 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
The conference room is ready if we want to get started. |
| 24932 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
You know, I just want to address everyone first. |
| 24933 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
Oh yeah, take your time. Stanley, pay attention. |
| 24934 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
Hi, everyone. |
| 24935 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Kelly |
Hi. |
| 24936 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
Hi. Uh, look it's no secret-- |
| 24937 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 24938 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
Hello. Uh, it is no secret that Michael Scott Paper has siphoned off a large chunk of our core business. And I'm here-- I just want to assure everyone that we think this is just a temporary setback. |
| 24939 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
Right. |
| 24940 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
Okay? |
| 24941 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Phyllis |
Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call none of us would've lost clients. |
| 24942 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
I've been wondering that myself lately. We're just gonna get started, we're gonna figure this out. Rest assured. Jim, can you come in with us please? |
| 24943 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
Uh, Jim hold on. You know, David, uh, Dwight's been my guy. Okay? |
| 24944 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
Hmm. |
| 24945 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
Yeah, Jim-- |
| 24946 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
I find that extraordinarily surprising. |
| 24947 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
He shows promise and Jim, I don't know-- I-- he's been a disappointment. |
| 24948 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
David |
We'll bring them both in. |
| 24949 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Charles |
Okay, great. Uh, Dwight come on in. Also, Jim. |
| 24950 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3950 |
Dwight |
Come along, afterthought. |
| 24951 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy? |
| 24952 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Well, if these numbers you gave me are correct-- |
| 24953 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
They are correct, sir. |
| 24954 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Then you can't afford to pay him anything. |
| 24955 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss. |
| 24956 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Your prices are too low. |
| 24957 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Lowest in town. |
| 24958 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Why do you think Staples and Dunder Mifflin can't match your prices? |
| 24959 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Pam |
Corporate greed? |
| 24960 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Ryan |
Look, our price model is fine. I reviewed the numbers myself. Over time with enough volume, we become profitable. |
| 24961 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Yeah, with a fixed cost pricing model that's correct. |
| 24962 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 24963 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
But you need to use a variable cost pricing model. |
| 24964 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Okay, sure. Right, so-- why don't you explain what that is to-- so that they can under-- just explain what that is. |
| 24965 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Ryan |
Explain what you think that is. |
| 24966 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
Okay. |
| 24967 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Explain that. |
| 24968 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
As you sell more paper and your company grows, so will your costs. For example, delivery man, health care... |
| 24969 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Well, we don't-- |
| 24970 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
...business expansion-- |
| 24971 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Whatever, yeah. |
| 24972 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
At these prices, the more paper you sell, the less money you'll make. |
| 24973 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business. |
| 24974 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Financial Guy |
They're actually putting you out of business. |
| 24975 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again. |
| 24976 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Ty |
It's a program. There's no such thing-- |
| 24977 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Michael |
Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please. |
| 24978 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Ty |
Crunch. |
| 24979 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3951 |
Pam |
Did it help? |
| 24980 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3952 |
Michael |
Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check. |
| 24981 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3953 |
Pam |
When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid. I trust you." |
| 24982 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Jim |
Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers? |
| 24983 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Charles |
God, no. |
| 24984 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Dwight |
Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak. |
| 24985 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Charles |
I agree. |
| 24986 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Dwight |
I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor. |
| 24987 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Jim |
Really? Does he do good work or-- |
| 24988 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Dwight |
No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist. |
| 24989 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
David |
Fellas, why don't we take a five-minute break and then we will come back, start fresh, sort this out. |
| 24990 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Dwight |
Five minutes exactly. |
| 24991 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Charles |
Okay. Hey, Dwight. Can I talk to you? |
| 24992 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Dwight |
Sure thing. |
| 24993 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Charles |
Yeah. |
| 24994 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3954 |
Jim |
Hey. I saw you called. |
| 24995 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Jim |
You're just out of business? |
| 24996 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Pam |
We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do. |
| 24997 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay. |
| 24998 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Pam |
That's what Michael said. |
| 24999 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. Only this time we will be okay. Oh, that's my new "Dwight" ring. |
| 25000 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Pam |
I like it. |
| 25001 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Jim |
Good, right? Hello. |
| 25002 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Dwight |
Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way. |
| 25003 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3955 |
Jim |
Oh, okay. Don't worry about it. |
| 25004 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died? |
| 25005 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Pam |
Steve Martin's not dead, Michael. |
| 25006 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this. |
| 25007 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Pam |
You want to hear something sad? |
| 25008 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
I would love that. |
| 25009 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Pam |
So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive. So I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview. |
| 25010 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Ryan |
I never went to Thailand. |
| 25011 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 25012 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Ryan |
I went to Fort Lauderdale. |
| 25013 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
Was it nice? |
| 25014 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Ryan |
Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great Pad Thai place, though. |
| 25015 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
I love Pad Thai. |
| 25016 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Ryan |
You've never had Pad Thai. |
| 25017 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3956 |
Michael |
No. There's a lot I haven't done. |
| 25018 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Jim |
Now, this is the projection over three months? |
| 25019 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Charles |
We still have the inventory sitting-- |
| 25020 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Dwight |
Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something? |
| 25021 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
David |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 25022 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Dwight |
There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom. |
| 25023 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
David |
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer. |
| 25024 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Charles |
Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out. |
| 25025 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Jim |
Oh, but you didn't. |
| 25026 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Dwight |
Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure. |
| 25027 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Charles |
What is wrong with you? |
| 25028 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
David |
Jim, you're-- you're pretty close with him. You think they'd be up for hearing an offer? |
| 25029 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Jim |
Oh, I don't know. You know, they've taken a good deal of clients, so-- |
| 25030 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 25031 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Jim |
I mean I guess-- I guess I could go down there and try to nudge them in the right direction. |
| 25032 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Dwight |
You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this? |
| 25033 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Charles |
No, Jim... I think you should go. |
| 25034 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3957 |
Jim |
Okay, so I'll be back in, um-- back in a bit. |
| 25035 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Hmm? |
| 25036 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? |
| 25037 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
We're not hiring, Jim. |
| 25038 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Actually here for something else. |
| 25039 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Listen, I can't make you laugh right now. |
| 25040 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales. |
| 25041 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Ryan |
Oh, that's nice. |
| 25042 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
David Wallace has asked me to come down here and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out. |
| 25043 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Pam |
Seriously? Are you being serious? |
| 25044 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Ryan |
He's bluffing, Pam. |
| 25045 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl-- |
| 25046 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Oh! |
| 25047 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
No-- We don't have-- |
| 25048 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Oh! See I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout. |
| 25049 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Uh... Yes. |
| 25050 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 25051 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Ryan |
Maybe. |
| 25052 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Three yeses. I will see you titans of industry upstairs. |
| 25053 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks. |
| 25054 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Missed the last part. |
| 25055 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
That's a pun. |
| 25056 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Jim |
Got it. |
| 25057 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3958 |
Michael |
Yep. Oh... wow. |
| 25058 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Ryan |
Okay, so you are not going to reveal in any way that we're broke. |
| 25059 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Michael |
Of course not. |
| 25060 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Ryan |
That we're having any problem at all. |
| 25061 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Michael |
Nope, nope, nope. |
| 25062 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Pam |
Just to reiterate, none of us is going to say anything that might indicate that we are going broke. |
| 25063 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3959 |
Michael |
Right, right. There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke. |
| 25064 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Michael |
Oh, I'm really worried that I'm going to say it. |
| 25065 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Pam |
No, Michael. |
| 25066 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Michael |
Ah... |
| 25067 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Ryan |
No, man. You're-- you're fine. |
| 25068 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Pam |
We have to come from a position of strength. |
| 25069 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Michael |
I'm good, I'm good. |
| 25070 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Ryan |
Just put it out of your mind. |
| 25071 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3960 |
Michael |
It is. I'm good. |
| 25072 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3961 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 25073 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3961 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 25074 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3961 |
Michael |
Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. Well, well, well. How the turntables... |
| 25075 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
David |
Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer. |
| 25076 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
Michael |
And we are prepared to reject that offer. |
| 25077 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
Ryan |
Michael, you haven't even heard-- |
| 25078 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
Michael |
Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer? |
| 25079 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
David |
12000 |
| 25080 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3962 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was. |
| 25081 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3963 |
Angela |
What do you hear? |
| 25082 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
David |
Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low, but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get. |
| 25083 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Michael |
I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you. |
| 25084 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
David |
Okay, now I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000. Hmm? $60,0000. Michael? |
| 25085 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Michael |
We'll have to talk-- |
| 25086 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Charles |
What? |
| 25087 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Ryan |
We'll have to talk about this. |
| 25088 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 25089 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Michael |
Just amongst ourselves. |
| 25090 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
David |
Okay, yes. Please take the room. Be right outside. Take your time. |
| 25091 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
| 25092 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Pam |
60000 |
| 25093 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Michael |
We are so rich. |
| 25094 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3964 |
Pam |
Are you kidding me? |
| 25095 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. Charles. |
| 25096 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
Dwight. |
| 25097 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke. |
| 25098 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
What? How'd you hear that? |
| 25099 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures. |
| 25100 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Jim |
Great work Dwight. |
| 25101 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
Quiet you. |
| 25102 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Jim |
No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right? |
| 25103 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty. |
| 25104 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
So how long can they stay viable? |
| 25105 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Jim |
What are your top five cases? |
| 25106 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna answer Charles first. |
| 25107 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Jim |
Because you've solved zero cases. |
| 25108 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed. |
| 25109 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room. |
| 25110 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
Done. |
| 25111 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today. Got it? |
| 25112 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
I'm not-- I'm not following you. |
| 25113 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
You two are morons. |
| 25114 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Jim |
Got it. |
| 25115 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Dwight |
Wh-- |
| 25116 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3965 |
Charles |
Get out. |
| 25117 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
David |
So you've thought it over, yes, and you accept our offer. We can finally put this whole thing behind us? Hmm? |
| 25118 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Michael |
No. |
| 25119 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Pam |
Can you give us another minute please? |
| 25120 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 25121 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Charles |
Oh, okay. |
| 25122 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 25123 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Ryan |
How could you do this to me, Michael? You just cost me $60,000. |
| 25124 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Pam |
Why are you assuming you'd get the whole thing? |
| 25125 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Michael |
It's a lot of money, okay. But we need money coming in every week. We need jobs. Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish? |
| 25126 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Ryan |
I would rather have $60,000, honestly. |
| 25127 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Pam |
No, Michael's right. Jobs are safer. |
| 25128 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Michael |
Agreed? |
| 25129 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Pam |
Agreed. But that's all, okay. |
| 25130 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Ryan |
Yeah, discuss these things-- |
| 25131 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3966 |
Michael |
Shut up, shut up. Hello? |
| 25132 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring. |
| 25133 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Charles |
They don't make them anymore. |
| 25134 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
And I want Charles gone. |
| 25135 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
I am not firing Charles. He is very valuable. |
| 25136 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Charles |
That's very kind of you to say, David. |
| 25137 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
I need him gone. |
| 25138 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
No. |
| 25139 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Okay, then I want Pam back. |
| 25140 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Uh, you already have a new receptionist-- |
| 25141 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Sales. |
| 25142 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 25143 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Pam's not a salesperson. |
| 25144 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Yes, she is. At the Michael Scott Paper Company in it's heyday. |
| 25145 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Pam |
That's right. |
| 25146 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Okay. Please continue. |
| 25147 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
And Ryan. |
| 25148 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael. Ryan is-- |
| 25149 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
You know, David. I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family he is like a son to me. |
| 25150 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Do you realize what you're asking for here? You're talking about salary plus health benefits-- |
| 25151 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
And dental this time. |
| 25152 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You're talking about a multi-million dollar buy-out. |
| 25153 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
These are our demands. |
| 25154 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Your company cannot be worth that much. |
| 25155 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names. |
| 25156 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Michael-- |
| 25157 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
That's one of 'em! Yes. These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court. |
| 25158 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Okay. Deal. Okay? |
| 25159 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Can we have the room please? |
| 25160 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 25161 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Ryan |
Yes, yes, yes! |
| 25162 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Pam |
Alright! |
| 25163 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3967 |
Michael |
Yes! Can you believe it? That's what I'm talking about! |
| 25164 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3968 |
Michael |
There are certain defining moments in a person's life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin. What have I learned from all of this? It is far too early to tell. I just know that I am flying high and I don't even want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it. |
| 25165 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3969 |
Charles |
Hey, guys-- |
| 25166 |
5 |
25 |
Broke |
3969 |
Michael |
No, no. You're done. |
| 25167 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3970 |
Kevin |
At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best. |
| 25168 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3971 |
Michael |
Someone is returning! He started his own company, and now he's back. Who could it be? I'll give you a hint. He is a man. A man you have missed with all your heart. A man who has ruined all other men for you. Who is it? |
| 25169 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3971 |
Ryan |
Who is it? |
| 25170 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3971 |
Pam |
Who is it? |
| 25171 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3971 |
Michael |
It's Michael Scott. Hold it up. Conference room, five minutes. |
| 25172 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Michael |
Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome back me, and Pam and Ryan. And how about casual Friday again, huh? Reinstituting casual Friday? You all look great. What I want to do right now is try something a little different. I'm going to throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting. |
| 25173 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Dwight |
Wh--what are you doing? |
| 25174 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Michael |
If there is something that you would like to say as a group, then by all means, you may say it to me right now. |
| 25175 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 25176 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 25177 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Angela |
People are dressed inappropriately. |
| 25178 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Michael |
Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward. And I want you to reflect. And I want you to say something different. |
| 25179 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3972 |
Jim |
Can you give us a hint? |
| 25180 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3973 |
Michael |
When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for big, crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that. |
| 25181 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
Oscar, what were you going to say? |
| 25182 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Oscar |
Nothing. I didn't say anything. |
| 25183 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 25184 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Erin |
Do I still have a job here? |
| 25185 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen. |
| 25186 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Dwight |
Wait, what? |
| 25187 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Stanley |
How is that going to work? |
| 25188 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and-- |
| 25189 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Phyllis |
You mean the clients you stole from us. |
| 25190 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Dwight |
Yeah , aren't we getting those clients back? |
| 25191 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
No, you lost those clients. |
| 25192 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Andy |
I call foul, sir. |
| 25193 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 25194 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Dwight |
You were bought out. So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients. |
| 25195 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3974 |
Michael |
Okay, Dwight. Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can. |
| 25196 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3975 |
Meredith |
Don't fall in love with me, kid. |
| 25197 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Pam |
Boscov's at the Steamtown Mall? |
| 25198 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Phyllis |
It sure looked good on the mannequin. |
| 25199 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Pam |
Well, you have good taste. |
| 25200 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Phyllis |
Well, thanks. I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients, though. |
| 25201 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Pam |
What? |
| 25202 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Phyllis |
Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for them? |
| 25203 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Pam |
Oh, I, um... |
| 25204 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3976 |
Phyllis |
Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout. |
| 25205 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3977 |
Angela |
The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat. |
| 25206 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3977 |
Toby |
Can't you just not look at his feet? |
| 25207 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3977 |
Angela |
Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. Do your job! |
| 25208 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3978 |
Toby |
Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have s*x with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R. |
| 25209 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3979 |
Michael |
There you are, my friend. |
| 25210 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3979 |
Ryan |
Oh, thanks, man. |
| 25211 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3979 |
Michael |
Pamela. |
| 25212 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3979 |
Pam |
Thank, Michael. |
| 25213 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3979 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 25214 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3980 |
Dwight |
Fresh hot ink. |
| 25215 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3980 |
Stanley |
"New File System". |
| 25216 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3980 |
Dwight |
Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully. |
| 25217 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3980 |
Stanley |
I am not changing the way I do my files. |
| 25218 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3980 |
Dwight |
No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words. |
| 25219 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3981 |
Dwight |
When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine. |
| 25220 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3982 |
Oscar |
I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change. |
| 25221 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3982 |
Toby |
I could loan you a pair of socks. |
| 25222 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3982 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 25223 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3982 |
Toby |
No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later. |
| 25224 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3982 |
Oscar |
I don't think so. |
| 25225 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Andy |
Andrew Bernard. |
| 25226 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Dwight |
Okay, what are you still doing at your desk? |
| 25227 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Andy |
What are you still doing not at your desk? |
| 25228 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Dwight |
Did you even read the memo? |
| 25229 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Andy |
All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order-- |
| 25230 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Dwight |
No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto. |
| 25231 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Andy |
Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn. |
| 25232 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3983 |
Dwight |
Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing. |
| 25233 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
We're in crisis mode here, do you understand? The two unqualified so-called salespeople are being favored because they all failed together. And frankly, I'm not convinced that Michael and Pam didn't have a thing going while they were gone. |
| 25234 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Can I address that? |
| 25235 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
No, you're too close. |
| 25236 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 25237 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Stanley, how do you feel about those two taking your clients? |
| 25238 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Stanley |
It's not right. I don't like it. |
| 25239 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
He doesn't like it. |
| 25240 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Phyllis |
You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. No offense, Jim. I think she's very pretty. |
| 25241 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Her face is okay, but-- Jesus! What --what are you doing here? |
| 25242 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Meredith |
I don't know. I saw a crowd. I thought there might be a dogfight or something-- |
| 25243 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Get out! We need to do something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage. |
| 25244 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Phyllis |
Those sound too harsh. |
| 25245 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
No, I'm not saying we do those things. I'm saying something like those things. |
| 25246 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Of course. What is like a hostage? |
| 25247 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Excellent question. |
| 25248 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Andy |
We could write a strong-worded letter. |
| 25249 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Words will never be enough. |
| 25250 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Strongly-painted picture. |
| 25251 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
No, pictures are too interpretive. |
| 25252 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Can I just say something? I know that tempers are high, but I think the best way to handle this might be to just talk to Michael directly. |
| 25253 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
Oh. Well, that--that's a great idea, Jim. Oh, I totally see your point. Okay, we'll talk to Michael directly. So uh, meeting is over, I guess. I'll see everyone upstairs. |
| 25254 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Jim |
Great. See you upstairs. |
| 25255 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3984 |
Dwight |
C'mon. Guys. Psst, listen. Now is the time for action. I'm talking action-- |
| 25256 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Pam |
That one's great. |
| 25257 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 25258 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Ryan |
You look so classy in that picture. |
| 25259 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
I do? Well--Where is that bowl? |
| 25260 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Jim |
Hey, you have a second? |
| 25261 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
Michael Scott Paper Company only. |
| 25262 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Jim |
Yeah, I think you're going to want to cool it with that 'cause it's starting to upset the other salesmen. |
| 25263 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
Okay, well--- |
| 25264 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Ryan |
Tough. |
| 25265 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
I will--no, no. I'll talk to them when they all get back from the bathroom. |
| 25266 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Jim |
This is awkward to talk about, but there may or may not be--but definitely is--a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now. |
| 25267 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Michael |
Against who? |
| 25268 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Ryan |
You. Us. |
| 25269 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Pam |
What? |
| 25270 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3985 |
Ryan |
It's gotta be because they all want their clients. |
| 25271 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3986 |
Michael |
The old Michael Scott might have taken this, but not the new Michael Scott. They are in for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with. |
| 25272 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Michael |
Six weeks ago, none of these people wanted to come with me. You two were the only ones with the stones to follow. |
| 25273 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Pam |
Mm-hmmm. |
| 25274 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Michael |
That was us, right there. |
| 25275 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Pam |
We were something else. |
| 25276 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Ryan |
What you gotta do is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls. |
| 25277 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 25278 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Ryan |
Chiklis style. |
| 25279 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Michael |
Yeah, the Commish. |
| 25280 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Ryan |
Yes, but Chiklis Shield style. Not Commish style. |
| 25281 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3987 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah. The Shield. |
| 25282 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3988 |
Creed |
It's crazy what's going on out there today, huh? |
| 25283 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3988 |
Jim |
I know. Yeah, it's...kinda-- |
| 25284 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3988 |
Creed |
Sometimes it's best just to say out of it. |
| 25285 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3988 |
Jim |
That's true. That's right. Yeah. |
| 25286 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3988 |
Creed |
Want to play a game? |
| 25287 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
Hey gang. Where you been? |
| 25288 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Dwight |
Lunch. |
| 25289 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
Where'd you eat? |
| 25290 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Phyllis |
A restaurant. |
| 25291 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
What'd you have, Stanley? |
| 25292 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Andy |
I had a salmon salad. With water, no ice. I was going to get a soda, but the waiter talked me out of it. Her name was Flo, she had black hair. |
| 25293 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Stanley |
I had Mexican food. |
| 25294 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
So since you guys already ate, you won't be eating the stuff you brought with you for lunch, will you? Oh, wow, Stanley. Is that egg salad? Andy brought some salmon. |
| 25295 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Ryan |
That looks great. |
| 25296 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
Dwight, is that a meat sandwich? You guys hungry? |
| 25297 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Ryan |
I can eat. |
| 25298 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
I'm going to o have some of this meat sandwich. |
| 25299 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Dwight |
It's pony. |
| 25300 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
Mom. What kind of sauce is on your salmon? |
| 25301 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Andy |
Dijonnaise. |
| 25302 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Michael |
Mmm. Thanks for going out, guys. |
| 25303 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3989 |
Pam |
Mmm. |
| 25304 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Toby |
Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second? |
| 25305 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Meredith |
About what? |
| 25306 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Toby |
Your outfit. |
| 25307 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Meredith |
What? What's wrong with my outfit? |
| 25308 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Toby |
You--you might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ri--it's riding up a little high. |
| 25309 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Meredith |
A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? Is that how it goes? |
| 25310 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Oscar |
Meredith, your boob is out. |
| 25311 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Meredith |
Fine. |
| 25312 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Angela |
Meredith, too far! |
| 25313 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Kelly |
Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties? |
| 25314 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3990 |
Meredith |
It's casual day. Happy? |
| 25315 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3991 |
Creed |
No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that. |
| 25316 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3991 |
Jim |
Well, what if I just do this? |
| 25317 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3991 |
Creed |
You don't want to do that. |
| 25318 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3992 |
Jim |
I'm just hiding out until all this stuff blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning. I feel like I'm describing a dream I had. |
| 25319 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Bart. Is there anything I can do to make things better? |
| 25320 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me the phone. Give me the phone. |
| 25321 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Exactly. |
| 25322 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
That's my client. |
| 25323 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Exactly. This is your first complaint in ten years. |
| 25324 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Give me the phone. |
| 25325 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Things have been generally good. |
| 25326 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Give me the phone. Tell him Dwight Schrute wants to talk to him. |
| 25327 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Look, uh, Mr. Bart... |
| 25328 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Hi, Mr. Bart. |
| 25329 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
At these prices with this service... |
| 25330 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Hey, it's Dwight here. Give me the phone. |
| 25331 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
You're not gonna find this anywhere else. |
| 25332 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute here. Hey, don't hang up. |
| 25333 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
No, no, no. Sir, don't listen. |
| 25334 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
I know times are tough right now, and I laud your thriftiness. Ryan! |
| 25335 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Phyllis |
Ryan, hand the phone over. |
| 25336 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Stop flustering me, everybody! |
| 25337 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Stanley |
Who let this boy on the phone? |
| 25338 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Ah! Mr. Bart! Ugh! I cannot believe you lost that account. He was my client for ten years! |
| 25339 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Pam |
You made him lose the account by screaming at him the entire time. It's okay, Ryan. |
| 25340 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
You're a secretary! What do you know? |
| 25341 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Ryan |
Okay. |
| 25342 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
And you're a temp and I'm taking your phone. I'm confiscating this. |
| 25343 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
Hey, hey guys. You know what I want you to do? Shake hands, get over it. That was not a shake, Dwight. |
| 25344 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
We want our clients back or we quit, Michael. |
| 25345 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
Who quits? |
| 25346 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Phyllis |
Me. |
| 25347 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Stanley |
And me. |
| 25348 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Andy |
Me too. |
| 25349 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
You guys gotta be kidding. |
| 25350 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
No, we gotta be deadly serious. We'll start our own paper company. The Schrute-Bernard-Lapin-Vance...Stanley Paper Company. |
| 25351 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
I love it. I love this idea, and I fully support you. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you some seed money. There you go. There's some seed money for you. And you can take it, no hard feelings. But if you stay, I want an apology, and I want a big one. |
| 25352 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Stanley |
You want us to apologize to you? |
| 25353 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
Yes I do. |
| 25354 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Andy |
That's completely backwards. |
| 25355 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Michael |
It's frontward's. |
| 25356 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you thought you were attacking corporate, but we were the ones who got hurt. You should be apologizing to us. |
| 25357 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Stanley |
That's right. |
| 25358 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Dwight |
Right. |
| 25359 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3993 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us. |
| 25360 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3994 |
Michael |
No matter how I look at this, I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing, like a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view...98 others. And the bottom line, I am in the wrong. I'm the bad guy. |
| 25361 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
I need you to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing. |
| 25362 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Dwight |
Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting? |
| 25363 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
Whatever you guys did earlier. |
| 25364 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Dwight |
I don't know that first things about secret meetings. |
| 25365 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
Just do it, okay? |
| 25366 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Dwight |
I'll do-- |
| 25367 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
Get 'em there. Get 'em there. |
| 25368 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Dwight |
I'll do the best I can. |
| 25369 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? |
| 25370 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Dwight |
Deceit does not come easy to me. |
| 25371 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3995 |
Michael |
Okay, okay, okay. |
| 25372 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3996 |
Erin |
I really love your outfit. |
| 25373 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3996 |
Kelly |
Thank you so much for saying that. I can't believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate. |
| 25374 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3996 |
Erin |
You look like J-Lo. |
| 25375 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
So from the bottom of my heart to the top of my heart, I am sorry. |
| 25376 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Stanley |
Are you giving us our clients back? |
| 25377 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
If we could just focus and go down the line, and everyone would say, "apology accepted", I think we would all feel better. And then we can break out my gift to you--complimentary white chocolate bark. |
| 25378 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Stanley |
Nobody likes that stuff except for you. |
| 25379 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
They wouldn't make it unless people liked it. |
| 25380 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Phyllis |
Michael, just give us our clients back. That's all we care about. |
| 25381 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
Okay. If I give you your clients back there won't be enough clients for Ryan and Pam, and I promised both of them they were gonna be salespeople. |
| 25382 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Stanley |
So? |
| 25383 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
Fine, have your clients. I can see that's what you wanted all along. However, I rescind my apology. |
| 25384 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Dwight |
That's fair. |
| 25385 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Michael |
You are not reacting at all as I had hoped. |
| 25386 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3997 |
Darryl |
What'd I tell you about building forts in my warehouse? |
| 25387 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Ryan |
Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople, so now there's not enough for both me and Pam to stay on. |
| 25388 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Pam |
He can only keep one of us as a salesperson now. He'll make his decision by the end of the day. |
| 25389 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Ryan |
I think you should get it. You really grew into it. |
| 25390 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Pam |
Oh. I think you should get it. You've changed a lot and you'd be good at it. |
| 25391 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Ryan |
If you really think that, will you tell that to Michael? That would go a long way coming from you. |
| 25392 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 25393 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3998 |
Ryan |
Thanks. |
| 25394 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Creed |
So hey, I'm want to set you up with my daughter. |
| 25395 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Jim |
Oh, I'm engaged to Pam. |
| 25396 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Creed |
I thought you were gay. |
| 25397 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Jim |
Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter? |
| 25398 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Creed |
I don't know. |
| 25399 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Michael |
Jim. Can I talk to you for a minute? |
| 25400 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Jim |
Sure. Let me just finish this turn. |
| 25401 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Michael |
And Bingo was his name. Let's go. |
| 25402 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
3999 |
Creed |
Challenge. |
| 25403 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
I need your help. This whole Pam/Ryan debate is screwing with my head. |
| 25404 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
I don't want to be biased, but I am very close to Ryan. You know that. |
| 25405 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
You're close with Pam too. |
| 25406 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
Eh, she's nice, I guess. You know what? Best thing to do, Pros and Cons list. |
| 25407 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Pro for Ryan, he went to business school, he's my number one choice. |
| 25408 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
Well, that's-- |
| 25409 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
I like his hair. |
| 25410 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
Cons, Ryan. He defrauded the company. He has never made a sale. |
| 25411 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 25412 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
He definitely stole my iPod. |
| 25413 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
That sounds pretty biased. |
| 25414 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
You didn't hear my pros. Environmentally-conscious 'cause his mom drives him to work everyday. |
| 25415 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Okay. Pam, pros. |
| 25416 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 25417 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
I like her. I think that she is a fast learner. Cons, she doesn't always follow through. Sh--New York and the whole art school thing. And Roy. She has a weird voice. |
| 25418 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
That's not true. |
| 25419 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
I don't need to tell you that. |
| 25420 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
I think she'd be a really good salesperson. |
| 25421 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
I don't think you are being totally impartial though, because you haven't said one bad thing about Pam. |
| 25422 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
And I won't. |
| 25423 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Okay. So be it, then you've lost credibility. And I'm going to go with my guy, and that's Ryan. |
| 25424 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
All right. You're right, sometimes when she's tired, she can be a little bit shrill. But that's not a weird voice. |
| 25425 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Oh, wow! Whoa! |
| 25426 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Jim |
Take it easy. |
| 25427 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4000 |
Michael |
Ho-ho, man! Wow. Honey! I want you to bring the garbage out. 'Cause I'm not going to have s*x with you unless you bring out the garba-- |
| 25428 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4001 |
Michael |
I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wears Prada again? Or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision. |
| 25429 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Andy |
You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki. |
| 25430 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights. |
| 25431 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Dwight |
Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants. |
| 25432 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
All right, come. Sit down, Dwight. |
| 25433 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 25434 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
I'm running this meeting. |
| 25435 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Dwight |
That's debatable. |
| 25436 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up. |
| 25437 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Meredith |
Ooh, where has this guy been? |
| 25438 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
Casual Fridays are cancelled. Let's just not do it anymore. |
| 25439 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Andy |
You're running from the problem. |
| 25440 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4002 |
Toby |
There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly. |
| 25441 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Pam, can you come in here, please? Have a seat. Well, there's no easy way of saying this. So I think I will just...drag it out. Since the dawn of time there has been-- |
| 25442 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Just tell me. |
| 25443 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
I gave Ryan the sales job. There just weren't enough clients for the two of you. So I had to-- |
| 25444 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
No, okay. |
| 25445 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
I'm sorry, sorry. |
| 25446 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Okay, I get it. Why are you giggling? Is this a joke? Michael, is this-- did I get the job? |
| 25447 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Yes, you did. |
| 25448 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
I did? |
| 25449 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 25450 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
For real, you're not kidding? |
| 25451 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
No, you--no. |
| 25452 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
I did? |
| 25453 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
No, you're the best person for the job. You're going to be great. |
| 25454 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael, thank you. Thank you. |
| 25455 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Oh, oh! |
| 25456 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Thank you. You will not be sorry. |
| 25457 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
You should have seen your face. Oh man! Oh, that was classic. |
| 25458 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Oh. I really thought I didn't get it. |
| 25459 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Oh, really? |
| 25460 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Yeah. 'Cause you said I didn't |
| 25461 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Oh, man. That was really good. That was really good. |
| 25462 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
What about Ryan? |
| 25463 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
I don't know, I offered him his temp job back. We'll see. He was not happy at all when I offered him this job and then I told him he didn't get the job, so-- |
| 25464 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't fake fire people anymore. |
| 25465 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
I don't appreciate you telling me what to do. So clean out your desk, you are through here. |
| 25466 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Thanks, Michael. |
| 25467 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Oh! What's our receptionists name? |
| 25468 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Erin. |
| 25469 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Could you send her in? |
| 25470 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Pam |
Erin. Michael wants to see you. |
| 25471 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 25472 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 25473 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4003 |
Michael |
Have a seat. |
| 25474 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
This is very difficult to say, but no one here like you in the office and we are going to have to let you go. Hank, could you come up here please? Hank is our security guard-- |
| 25475 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Oh, I can go. |
| 25476 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
He will be ushering you out. |
| 25477 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 25478 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
Oh, your face! Oh! |
| 25479 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Is--do the people-- |
| 25480 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
No, I'm kidding. No, you're not--you're not fired. Yet. |
| 25481 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 25482 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 25483 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Do they not like me, though? |
| 25484 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Michael |
I don't know, actually. |
| 25485 |
5 |
26 |
Casual Friday |
4004 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 25486 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4005 |
Erin |
Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! |
| 25487 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4005 |
Erin |
Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that. |
| 25488 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4005 |
Dwight |
Shut up. |
| 25489 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4006 |
Dwight |
I got her! |
| 25490 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4007 |
Pam |
Not cool, Dwight. |
| 25491 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4007 |
Jim |
Not cool. |
| 25492 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4008 |
Michael |
Oh, no. I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate - it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And expresso. |
| 25493 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Michael |
Guys, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I think I'm growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now. Anybody want to go to lunch with me later on? |
| 25494 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Dwight |
I do. |
| 25495 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Michael |
Okay. How about a woman? Pam? |
| 25496 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Pam |
Oh, I can't do lunch. I was just sending you an email. Jim and I need to leave early today to meet with our contractor. |
| 25497 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Michael |
Oh, really? Ok. |
| 25498 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Pam |
Just sent it. |
| 25499 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4009 |
Michael |
What about the rest of you? |
| 25500 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4010 |
Michael |
At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy and I don't know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down, but at the Michael Scott Paper Company I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people. |
| 25501 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4011 |
Michael |
Who else? Who else? Ryan? |
| 25502 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4011 |
Ryan |
I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now. |
| 25503 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4012 |
Ryan |
Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control. |
| 25504 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Michael |
Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me. |
| 25505 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Angela |
No. I don't want to stay late to have a two hour lunch. |
| 25506 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Phyllis |
Michael, we have a lot of work to do. |
| 25507 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Michael |
What? |
| 25508 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Phyllis |
Work. |
| 25509 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4013 |
Michael |
Ugh! God! What happened to you people? We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... is work. |
| 25510 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4014 |
Pam |
If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day. |
| 25511 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4015 |
Pam |
Oh, no. Your battery fell out. |
| 25512 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4015 |
Michael |
I... was just learning... to... love. |
| 25513 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Erin |
Hi, guys. How you doing? |
| 25514 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Dwight |
Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us. |
| 25515 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Erin |
Right. I'm sorry. |
| 25516 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Dwight |
Now, how can I help you? |
| 25517 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Erin |
Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio? |
| 25518 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Dwight |
Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court - |
| 25519 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Pam |
So someone is going to a court. Big deal. |
| 25520 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Dwight |
It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate. |
| 25521 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4016 |
Erin |
Sure. |
| 25522 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
There are other reasons to go to Ohio. |
| 25523 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
We're getting married today. |
| 25524 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period. |
| 25525 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
Tell 'em how it happened. |
| 25526 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
Ok. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated. |
| 25527 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
And very expensive. |
| 25528 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite - |
| 25529 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
You can't leave anyone out. |
| 25530 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
No one. |
| 25531 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
Ok, just get to the good part. |
| 25532 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Jim |
Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you." |
| 25533 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4017 |
Pam |
I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it. |
| 25534 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now? |
| 25535 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh. |
| 25536 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Well, I like to swim. |
| 25537 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
That's good. |
| 25538 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
You have a cool place to come hang. |
| 25539 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
If you ever want to come down here, door's always open, lock's broken, so... |
| 25540 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Thanks. |
| 25541 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. |
| 25542 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Wow. |
| 25543 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
Now you got it. |
| 25544 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Now I do got it. |
| 25545 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso? |
| 25546 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Oh, yeah. |
| 25547 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
You gotta keep yourself dehydrated. |
| 25548 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
That's rule #1. |
| 25549 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
Ok. I love it. I love it. |
| 25550 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Erin |
Whew. |
| 25551 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4018 |
Michael |
I love it. |
| 25552 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4019 |
Michael |
Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone.Charles is gone. |
| 25553 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4020 |
Michael |
Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like Dave died or something. |
| 25554 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you. |
| 25555 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Oscar |
Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy. |
| 25556 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo. |
| 25557 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Andy |
Wittle Andy is afwaid. |
| 25558 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Andy's afwaid? |
| 25559 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 25560 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Are you all afwaid? |
| 25561 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 25562 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk. |
| 25563 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Pam |
What? |
| 25564 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Funk is the problem and the solution. |
| 25565 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Jim |
That makes sense. |
| 25566 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see. |
| 25567 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Oscar |
Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you? |
| 25568 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it. |
| 25569 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Dwight |
All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy. |
| 25570 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Meredith |
This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing? |
| 25571 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
No. Dwight is confusing you. That - it's, it's more of a disco. |
| 25572 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Andy |
It's like a haunted disco. |
| 25573 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
... with coffee but without the haunted. |
| 25574 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Phyllis |
It's a combo dance house coffee bar. |
| 25575 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
It's a daytime disco on the ground floor of and industrial office building. |
| 25576 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Erin |
It's a cafe disco. |
| 25577 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Exactly. |
| 25578 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Kevin |
So, like, a disco cafe? |
| 25579 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4021 |
Michael |
Wha - No. No. Not even close. I can't force you to go down but I can entice you. I'm gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time... and all-you-can-eat espresso. |
| 25580 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you. |
| 25581 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 25582 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Holdin' down the fort. |
| 25583 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
Yeah. This place is great. |
| 25584 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 25585 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up. |
| 25586 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
I'm sorry. |
| 25587 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei. |
| 25588 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Respect the lei. |
| 25589 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Come. |
| 25590 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Kevin, stay. |
| 25591 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Kevin, come. |
| 25592 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Kevin, stay. |
| 25593 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Kevin, come. |
| 25594 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Stay, stay. |
| 25595 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Come on, right now. |
| 25596 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Cookie. Kevin, cookie. |
| 25597 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin. |
| 25598 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
Is there a cookie? |
| 25599 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 25600 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Wha - |
| 25601 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Michael |
Come on. |
| 25602 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come. |
| 25603 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Kevin |
I wanted a cookie. |
| 25604 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4022 |
Angela |
Completely unacceptable. |
| 25605 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4023 |
Michael |
Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster. |
| 25606 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Andy |
Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww! |
| 25607 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Phyllis |
Aw, what the hell? Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in? |
| 25608 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Jessica |
Oh, he's on a call. |
| 25609 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I'll just duck my head in. |
| 25610 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Jessica |
It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off? |
| 25611 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Phyllis |
Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there. |
| 25612 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Jessica |
I'll let him know. |
| 25613 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4024 |
Phyllis |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 25614 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Phyllis? |
| 25615 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Hi. |
| 25616 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Hey! |
| 25617 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Hey. I like. |
| 25618 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Alright. Back. There you are. There you go. Good. Good. Ooh. Show me some attitude. |
| 25619 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Oh! Mother ******! |
| 25620 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Oh, God! No! No! No! No! No! |
| 25621 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Back! |
| 25622 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Oh, wow! What did you do? |
| 25623 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
You didn't do that. You're ok. You're ok. Let's lie down. You want to go down? Alright. |
| 25624 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Wow! Sorry! |
| 25625 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
Ok. That's ok. That's not a problem. Ok, sweetie. |
| 25626 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Dwight |
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Phillip? |
| 25627 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
No. No. No. |
| 25628 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Dwight |
Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip? |
| 25629 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
It's my back. |
| 25630 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what? |
| 25631 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
Call a doctor. |
| 25632 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Michael |
We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on. |
| 25633 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4025 |
Phyllis |
No. Call Bob. |
| 25634 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4026 |
Michael |
Oh, no. No. No. This is no good. |
| 25635 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4026 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries. |
| 25636 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4026 |
Michael |
I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok? |
| 25637 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4026 |
Dwight |
What do you think history is? |
| 25638 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4026 |
Michael |
It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat. |
| 25639 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
Alright. Here we go. |
| 25640 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Dwight |
Out of the way! Move it or lose it! |
| 25641 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
You having fun? |
| 25642 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Erin |
Oh, my God! What happened? |
| 25643 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
What? Oh, just having to much fun. Phyllis, we're going to put you in here. Dwight's going to take care of you. |
| 25644 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Phyllis |
What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital. |
| 25645 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Dwight |
You want to get sick you go to the hospital. |
| 25646 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
Ok, Dwight. Ok. Good. I do not want anyone to worry. |
| 25647 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Oscar |
What happened to Phyllis? |
| 25648 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So... |
| 25649 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Angela |
Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves? |
| 25650 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything. |
| 25651 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Stanley |
I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense. |
| 25652 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
You all took a life here today. you did. The life of the party. Erin? |
| 25653 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 25654 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down. |
| 25655 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Erin |
Like unplug the coffee machine and bring it up here. |
| 25656 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Michael |
I don't care. Bury it. I hope you're happy. |
| 25657 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4027 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna need two able bodied men. |
| 25658 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
Kelly |
Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco. |
| 25659 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
Erin |
You're bad. |
| 25660 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy 1 |
There's girl in there. |
| 25661 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
Vance Refrigeration Guy 2 |
Where? |
| 25662 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 1 |
The other room? |
| 25663 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 2 |
What other room? |
| 25664 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 1 |
Down the hall. |
| 25665 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 2 |
There's girls in there? |
| 25666 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 1 |
What'd I just say? |
| 25667 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 2 |
You have another sandwich? |
| 25668 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4028 |
VRG 1 |
Forget the sandwich. Girls. Girls. |
| 25669 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4029 |
Michael |
I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner. |
| 25670 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4030 |
Dwight |
You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok? |
| 25671 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4030 |
Phyllis |
Dwight! Dwight! |
| 25672 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4030 |
Dwight |
Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth? |
| 25673 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4030 |
Phyllis |
I do. |
| 25674 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4031 |
Dwight |
No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. It's like children singing Christmas carols. |
| 25675 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4032 |
Andy |
Yeah! I love the vibe down here. |
| 25676 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4032 |
Erin |
Ashley! You made it! |
| 25677 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4032 |
Oscar |
You invited someone? |
| 25678 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4032 |
Erin |
Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that? |
| 25679 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4032 |
Oscar |
I've been here 8 years and I've never... Rude. |
| 25680 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4033 |
Andy |
I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright! |
| 25681 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4034 |
Michael |
Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head. |
| 25682 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4034 |
Creed |
I hear it, too, Boss. |
| 25683 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4035 |
Michael |
It's better than I imagined it! |
| 25684 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4036 |
Phyllis |
That feels good, Dwight. |
| 25685 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4036 |
Dwight |
Tell me where it hurts. |
| 25686 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4036 |
Phyllis |
Right... mmmm... right there. |
| 25687 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4036 |
Dwight |
Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender. |
| 25688 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Michael |
Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott. |
| 25689 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Erin |
Hey, Angela! Welcome to - |
| 25690 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Angela |
Stop! |
| 25691 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Michael |
Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance? |
| 25692 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Angela |
No. I didn't come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these. |
| 25693 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Michael |
Oh. Alright. There you go. |
| 25694 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Angela |
No. You need to sign them all. |
| 25695 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Michael |
No. No. No. Here is the deal - one signature for every song. |
| 25696 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Angela |
Look, I hate to be "that" person but I just don't like the general spirit of music. |
| 25697 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4037 |
Michael |
I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, " This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We're not going to eat you." No. |
| 25698 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4038 |
Dwight |
This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour. |
| 25699 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4038 |
Phyllis |
An hour? I can't stay here an hour. |
| 25700 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4038 |
Dwight |
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa. |
| 25701 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4039 |
Creed |
Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here. |
| 25702 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4039 |
Michael |
Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place. |
| 25703 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4039 |
Creed |
No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now. |
| 25704 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna with the python. |
| 25705 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Phyllis |
But the rattler's so scary. |
| 25706 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Dwight |
No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep. |
| 25707 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Phyllis |
I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. |
| 25708 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Dwight |
What's so funny? |
| 25709 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4040 |
Phyllis |
When I say it out loud it's so silly. |
| 25710 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4041 |
Michael |
Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up! |
| 25711 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4041 |
Angela |
You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun? |
| 25712 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4041 |
Michael |
No... cleaning... up. |
| 25713 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4042 |
Jim |
These are for you. |
| 25714 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4042 |
Pam |
They're beautiful. |
| 25715 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4042 |
Jim |
You ready? |
| 25716 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4042 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 25717 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4043 |
Jim |
We should probably stop by. It'd mean a lot to him. |
| 25718 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Michael |
Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening. |
| 25719 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Phyllis |
Wanna dance, Dwight? |
| 25720 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Dwight |
Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic. |
| 25721 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Bob Vance |
Mind if I steal my wife? |
| 25722 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Dwight |
You can't steal what is legally your property. |
| 25723 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4044 |
Bob Vance |
Are those staples? |
| 25724 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4045 |
Andy |
This dance competition is not over. |
| 25725 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4045 |
Kelly |
What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all. |
| 25726 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4046 |
Michael |
You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand. |
| 25727 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4046 |
Jim |
We're gonna stay. |
| 25728 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4046 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 25729 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4046 |
Jim |
Yeah. At least for one more dance. |
| 25730 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4046 |
Michael |
Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y". |
| 25731 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Pam |
This is so cheesy. |
| 25732 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 25733 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Pam |
I like cheesy. |
| 25734 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Jim |
Me, too. |
| 25735 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Pam |
Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding. |
| 25736 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Jim |
Me, too. |
| 25737 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 25738 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4047 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 25739 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4048 |
Michael |
Would you like to dance? |
| 25740 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4048 |
Angela |
No. |
| 25741 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Yeah. No. Well, ok. |
| 25742 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
Stop squirming. |
| 25743 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing. |
| 25744 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
You wanted to do this. Just be brave. |
| 25745 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional. |
| 25746 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up. |
| 25747 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear? |
| 25748 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
Gay ear? Are you 12 years old? |
| 25749 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Well, I... |
| 25750 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
Look, I'm gonna count to 3. |
| 25751 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Count to twen - count to twenty. |
| 25752 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
No. I'm gonna count to 3. |
| 25753 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
K |
| 25754 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
1... 2... 3 |
| 25755 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
Agh! Son of a bitch! |
| 25756 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
Andy, that was just the ice. |
| 25757 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Andy |
It was? |
| 25758 |
5 |
27 |
Cafe Disco |
4049 |
Kelly |
Yeah. It was. |
| 25759 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4050 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up-- gets back. |
| 25760 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4051 |
Jim |
Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes. |
| 25761 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4052 |
Jim |
Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch? |
| 25762 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4052 |
Pam |
I can do it. |
| 25763 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4052 |
Dwight |
What do you need from me? |
| 25764 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4053 |
Dwight |
Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken. |
| 25765 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4054 |
Dwight |
Like clockwork. |
| 25766 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4055 |
Jim |
Three, two, one... |
| 25767 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4055 |
Michael |
Uh oh. What's so funny? |
| 25768 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4055 |
Pam |
You had to be there. |
| 25769 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4055 |
Michael |
Oh yay! Geography joke. Oh! Wow! Okay. Alright, let's all go home. Come on. See you all tamale. |
| 25770 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4056 |
Michael |
See you later! |
| 25771 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4056 |
Dwight |
Bye Michael! Yeah! |
| 25772 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4057 |
Jim |
All right, you ready for this? |
| 25773 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4057 |
Pam |
Yeah, we walk around, everyone sees our faces and we leave, right? |
| 25774 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4057 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 25775 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4057 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 25776 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4057 |
Jim |
Wait, should I have left the car running? |
| 25777 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Pam |
Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics. |
| 25778 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Jim |
Come on, who doesn't like a picnic? |
| 25779 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Pam |
Tell them what happened last year. |
| 25780 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Jim |
I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt. |
| 25781 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Pam |
No, no, that guy who hit on me. |
| 25782 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Jim |
Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance. |
| 25783 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Pam |
Yeah, you don't grab these for balance. |
| 25784 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4058 |
Jim |
Well... |
| 25785 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4059 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna say 30. |
| 25786 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4059 |
Rolph |
Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF. |
| 25787 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4059 |
Dwight |
Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent. |
| 25788 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4059 |
Rolph |
Woah. Homemade? |
| 25789 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4059 |
Dwight |
Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET? |
| 25790 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4060 |
Dwight |
Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks. |
| 25791 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Kevin |
Michael, isn't that Holly? |
| 25792 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
We're just friends. Hey, hey, wait a second. Who let you in here, is what I want to know. |
| 25793 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Holly |
Oh no, I see they're letting just anybody in here. |
| 25794 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. Yeah, that's right. |
| 25795 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Holly |
All right. |
| 25796 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
All right. Mmhmm. Hey. |
| 25797 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Holly |
Hi. You remember AJ, my boyfriend? |
| 25798 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
A little bit. Uh, I meet a lot of people. |
| 25799 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
AJ |
Hey Michael. |
| 25800 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
Hey. Arrggh. So would you guys like some lemonade? Or one of you? Or both of you? Either or. The combinations are endless. |
| 25801 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Holly |
Lemonade sounds great. |
| 25802 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 25803 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
AJ |
I'd love an iced tea, actually. |
| 25804 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4061 |
Michael |
You can go to hell. I'm kidding. Um, sure, I will get you the best iced tea in the world. |
| 25805 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4062 |
Michael |
I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The-and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates. |
| 25806 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Charles |
Jim. Pam. |
| 25807 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Jim |
Hey, how are you? |
| 25808 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Pam |
Hey Charles. |
| 25809 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Charles |
Nice day, huh? |
| 25810 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 25811 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Charles |
Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest. |
| 25812 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Jim |
I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore. |
| 25813 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Pam |
Do you want me to beat him up for you? |
| 25814 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4063 |
Jim |
No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it. |
| 25815 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right? |
| 25816 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Jim |
Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards. |
| 25817 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row! |
| 25818 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Andy |
Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row? |
| 25819 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Why? I don't understand. |
| 25820 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Andy |
If- |
| 25821 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it. |
| 25822 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Andy |
Uh... |
| 25823 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team. |
| 25824 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Andy |
That's... |
| 25825 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Sly dog. |
| 25826 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Andy |
... not what I meant. |
| 25827 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4064 |
Dwight |
Come on, folks! |
| 25828 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Michael |
What is up with you two, Holly? |
| 25829 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Holly |
Um, not much. |
| 25830 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
AJ |
We're designing a house. |
| 25831 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Michael |
Cool. For who? |
| 25832 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
AJ |
For us. |
| 25833 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Michael |
Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported. |
| 25834 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Holly |
I remember your chair pants idea. |
| 25835 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
AJ |
I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist. |
| 25836 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Michael |
All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse. |
| 25837 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Holly |
Okay, yeah. |
| 25838 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
AJ |
You guys are really gonna do this? |
| 25839 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4065 |
Michael |
You bet your fat ass we are. |
| 25840 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4066 |
Michael |
Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin. |
| 25841 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4066 |
Holly |
Yep, the old comedy team is back together again. |
| 25842 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4066 |
Michael |
That's right. |
| 25843 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4066 |
Holly |
Have ya hoyd the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it! |
| 25844 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4066 |
Michael |
Newspapers for sale! |
| 25845 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4067 |
Andy |
Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger. |
| 25846 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4067 |
Man |
These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass. |
| 25847 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4067 |
Andy |
Okay, I was just looking out for you. You're doing great, by the way. |
| 25848 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4067 |
Erin |
Thanks. |
| 25849 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Kevin |
I got it. |
| 25850 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Dwight |
Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on! |
| 25851 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Andy |
Are you blind?! |
| 25852 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Dwight |
I could've gotten that, idiot! |
| 25853 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Andy |
Can you see things with your eyeballs?! |
| 25854 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Dwight |
It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?! |
| 25855 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4068 |
Phyllis |
We've been out here for a while. I don't need this. |
| 25856 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4069 |
Dwight |
Oh come- Ryan, come on, man! W-w-wait. Net. Net. Her hand's on the net. |
| 25857 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4069 |
Woman |
So what? |
| 25858 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4069 |
Dwight |
Rule violation. Ball is ours. Give it to me. Our point. Okay. Hey, Pam, how ya doin? Hey, do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed? Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone? |
| 25859 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4069 |
Pam |
Back off, Dwight. Hyuh! What? |
| 25860 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4070 |
Pam |
Maybe I played a little in junior high... and in high school... maybe a little in college... and went to volleyball camp most summers. |
| 25861 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4071 |
Pam |
Hyuh! Well, look at that, we win! |
| 25862 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4071 |
Jim |
Nice job, Beesly. |
| 25863 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4071 |
Dwight |
Yes! We advance to the next round! |
| 25864 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4071 |
Phyllis |
Oh, Lord in heaven. |
| 25865 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4071 |
Stanley |
Had to be part of the group. |
| 25866 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Michael |
I brought some snacky snacks, in case we get hungry. |
| 25867 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Holly |
Ooh, yes please. Mmm. So what do you have planned for us today? Hmm? |
| 25868 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Michael |
What? |
| 25869 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Holly |
Do you have a script for the sketch, or... |
| 25870 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Michael |
Um, no, I just thought we'd wing it. That cool? |
| 25871 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4072 |
Holly |
Crystal cool. |
| 25872 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Dwight |
Hit it Andy! |
| 25873 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Andy |
Bump! I bumped it! |
| 25874 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Kevin |
Set! |
| 25875 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Dwight |
Don't set it to yourself! |
| 25876 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Kevin |
Yeah! |
| 25877 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Phyllis |
Ow, my ankle! |
| 25878 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Dwight |
What happened? |
| 25879 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Phyllis |
I... twisted it. |
| 25880 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Dwight |
You weren't even moving. Okay, sub! |
| 25881 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Angela |
I can play. |
| 25882 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Rolph |
Is there a... Meredith here? |
| 25883 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Meredith |
Yeah! Man in! |
| 25884 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Angela |
Rolph, did you not hear me? |
| 25885 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4073 |
Rolph |
I don't hear cheaters, tramps, or women who break my friend's heart. Let's go! |
| 25886 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
We could do a movie... sort of thing. |
| 25887 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
We could do Back to the Future. |
| 25888 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
Oh! |
| 25889 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time... fix their parents. |
| 25890 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
Could we get a Delorean? |
| 25891 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
Jaws. They swim in the ocean and they terrorize the whole community. |
| 25892 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
Oh! Dun-der. Dun-der... |
| 25893 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
Dun-der. Dun-der... |
| 25894 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Blooo!! |
| 25895 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
Oh... We haven't found our great idea yet. |
| 25896 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
No. No. |
| 25897 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
Oh. |
| 25898 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Michael |
We're circling it. |
| 25899 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4074 |
Holly |
Hmm... |
| 25900 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
David |
Nicely done. We're still going to crush you though! |
| 25901 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Charles |
Yes we are! |
| 25902 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Rolph |
You suckers are goin down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces! |
| 25903 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Dwight |
Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait- |
| 25904 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Rolph |
It's true! |
| 25905 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Toby |
Ah, this reminds me of the HR convention last fall. |
| 25906 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Kendall |
Oh yeah, with Bernie and Efrem. That was hilarious. |
| 25907 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Toby |
Really, really funny. |
| 25908 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4075 |
Kendall |
Really funny. |
| 25909 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4076 |
Dwight |
Listen guys, one more point and we play corporate. |
| 25910 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4076 |
Oscar |
Settle down gentlemen. |
| 25911 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4076 |
Pam |
Good game! |
| 25912 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
David |
Welcome to the 43rd Annual Company Picnic, everybody. Thanks for being here. Now, a couple of employees have volunteered to entertain us with a song. |
| 25913 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Uh, it's a sketch now. |
| 25914 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
David |
Okay, introducing Scranton's Michael Scott performing with Nashua's Holly Flax! I have not seen this. |
| 25915 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
And now, presenting... |
| 25916 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Both |
SlumDunder Mifflinaire! |
| 25917 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
Are you ready to play SlumDunder Mifflinaire? |
| 25918 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Yes, I am. |
| 25919 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
For one hundred dollars, where did Dunder meet Mifflin? A.) On easy street, B.) a tour of Dartmouth College, C.) they never met, D.) brushing their teeth? |
| 25920 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Ohh, I'm thinking... I'm going to say... B, tour of Dartmouth College. |
| 25921 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
That is correct! How did you know that?! |
| 25922 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Ahhhh!! Ohhh!! Ahhh!! I was there! Ahhh!! I was a tour guide at Dartmouth College!! Noooo!!! |
| 25923 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
Nice campus. Think you'll get in? |
| 25924 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm definitely getting in. I'm a shoo-in. |
| 25925 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
I'm Robert Dunder. |
| 25926 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
I'm Robert Mifflin. Ah, okay. |
| 25927 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
Robert Mifflin had a great life. But unfortunately, had undiagnosed depression, which over nine million Americans suffer from and is very treatable. For two hundred and fifty dollars, how did he kill himself? A.) A rope, B.) a knife, C.) a gun, D.) brushing his teeth! |
| 25928 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Two hundred and fifty dollars is more money than I've ever seen in my life. I will say, C, a gun. He shot himself in the head. |
| 25929 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Holly |
That is correct! |
| 25930 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4077 |
Michael |
Yes! |
| 25931 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4078 |
Stanley |
I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful. |
| 25932 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Holly |
The economic downturn has been difficult recently, forcing the closures of both Camden and Yonkers, to be followed soon by what other branch? For five-hundred thousand dollars, is it A.) Scranton, B.) Buffalo, C.) Utica, or D.) toothbrush! |
| 25933 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Michael |
I will say B, Buffalo! Final answer! |
| 25934 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Holly |
That is correct! |
| 25935 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Man from Buffalo |
What is he talking about? |
| 25936 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Holly |
How did you know that?! |
| 25937 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Michael |
David Wallace told me!! |
| 25938 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Woman from Buffalo |
David, is this true? |
| 25939 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
David |
Uh, okay everyone, we're at a picnic today... |
| 25940 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Man from Buffalo |
Are we losing our jobs or not, David? |
| 25941 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Holly |
They didn't know? |
| 25942 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Michael |
I guess not. |
| 25943 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
David |
I'm sorry, this certainly wasn't the time or the place to announce this sort of thing, but there have been talks about closing the Buffalo branch. |
| 25944 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Woman from Buffalo |
And? |
| 25945 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
David |
We're- we're closing the Buffalo branch. |
| 25946 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4079 |
Man from Buffalo |
You've got to be kidding me! You've got to be kidding me! We're the best branch in the company! I can't believe it. |
| 25947 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
David |
How could you possibly think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic? |
| 25948 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
Michael |
Well... I didn't know they didn't know. |
| 25949 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
David |
What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little bit for his comedy sketch, and he thought, "oh, this would be really funny." |
| 25950 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 25951 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
David |
Damn it, Michael, I told you that in confidence. Now I have to go over and deal with these employees and their families. A little boy just walked up to me and said, "is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?" |
| 25952 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4080 |
Michael |
Well, he's just thinking about his own gifts. |
| 25953 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Meredith |
Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances. |
| 25954 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Dwight |
Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever. |
| 25955 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Pam |
How do you figure? |
| 25956 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Dwight |
Because if we don't play, then the other team wins. |
| 25957 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Oscar |
Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked. |
| 25958 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4081 |
Pam |
Let's do this. |
| 25959 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Andy |
Jim, come on! |
| 25960 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Charles |
Look who just woke up! I've been up for a while. |
| 25961 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Kevin |
It's six to six. It's a nail-biter. |
| 25962 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Angela |
Kevin! Now it's seven-six, or is that too much accounting for you? |
| 25963 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Rolph |
Here's an accounting question for you: what does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore. |
| 25964 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Dwight |
Okay, knock it off, Rolph. |
| 25965 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Rolph |
What? She is sitting there, casting aspersions- |
| 25966 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Dwight |
Rolph, please. I am asking nicely- |
| 25967 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Rolph |
No way! You don't mean that! |
| 25968 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4082 |
Dwight |
Rolph, leave it alone! |
| 25969 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4083 |
Erin |
Yeah! Boo-yah! |
| 25970 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
I got it! |
| 25971 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Dwight |
Pam! |
| 25972 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
Oof! |
| 25973 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
You all right? |
| 25974 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
Yep. No, no, no, I'm fine. |
| 25975 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
You sure? |
| 25976 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 25977 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
Hey, easy, easy... |
| 25978 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Charles |
Woah, woah, woah, woah, you wanna get that looked at. |
| 25979 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
No, no, it's fine. Just gimme a second. |
| 25980 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Charles |
I don't know. You know, this is a company picnic, so technically that is a company injury, you know? Safest thing to do is get that examined, right David? |
| 25981 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 25982 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
All right, you know what? You're just trying to get rid of our best player. |
| 25983 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Charles |
Oh, Jim, you're putting a volleyball game in front of your fiance's health. |
| 25984 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
No, uh- |
| 25985 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
Look, seriously, I can move it fine. Come on, let's go, it's our ball. Let's go! |
| 25986 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Charles |
Yeah, I don't think we can let you play with that foot. |
| 25987 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Dwight |
Tell you what. I spotted a small hospital a few kilometers south of here. Get her back as soon as possible. I'll stall 'em. |
| 25988 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Charles |
I guess that's it for you, Jim. |
| 25989 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Jim |
All right, you know what? Let's do this. |
| 25990 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Pam |
We'll be back! |
| 25991 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4084 |
Dwight |
Oh man, I am so mad that Pam got hurt! Argh!! Rrrraah!!! I'll get it. |
| 25992 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
Probably shouldn't have mentioned Buffalo. |
| 25993 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
Hindsight. |
| 25994 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
Should've had hindsight. |
| 25995 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
How do you think it went before the Buffalo thing? |
| 25996 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
I think it went well. I think it was good. |
| 25997 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
There weren't any laughs. |
| 25998 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
No, it was a tough audience. |
| 25999 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
Yeah, but we wrote it specifically for this audience. |
| 26000 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
Believe me, I have seen a lot of tough audiences in my time, and that was one of them. |
| 26001 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
Well, I'm glad we did it. |
| 26002 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Michael |
Me too. We have a lot of good material for next year's sketch. |
| 26003 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4085 |
Holly |
I can't wait. |
| 26004 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Jim |
Yeah, she's with the nurse right now, so you'll have to stall a little longer... No, don't send in the subs yet... Dwight, I don't know. Think of something! |
| 26005 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Nurse |
To be safe, we should do an x-ray. |
| 26006 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Pam |
How long will that take? |
| 26007 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Nurse |
Oh, shouldn't be too bad, it's a slow day. So, no other radiation this year, no metal plates, no chance you're pregnant... |
| 26008 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, can we just hurry this up? I've got a game to get back to. |
| 26009 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4086 |
Nurse |
Oh good, because my next question was "do you have a game to get back to." |
| 26010 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
Holly |
What'd you think? |
| 26011 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
AJ |
I loved it. You know, there was a part near the end that seemed like that went on a little long, but... |
| 26012 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
Michael |
Well you guys should hit the road before... I close down another branch. |
| 26013 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
Holly |
Okay. So good to see you. |
| 26014 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
Michael |
Good to see you. AJ. |
| 26015 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4087 |
AJ |
Michael. |
| 26016 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4088 |
Michael |
I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. I will see her every now and then, and... Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody, and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush. |
| 26017 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
David |
Dwight, come on now, it's time to put in the subs. |
| 26018 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Charles |
Yeah, it looks like Pam won't make it back. Okay? |
| 26019 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Dwight |
Okay. Fine. |
| 26020 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Charles |
All right! Come on. |
| 26021 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Dwight |
Except, you know what? It's not fine. How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four? |
| 26022 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Andy |
Dwight. |
| 26023 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Dwight |
No, no, hear me out. Five? Six? |
| 26024 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
David |
Dwight. |
| 26025 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Dwight |
Seven? Can I finish please? |
| 26026 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
David |
Okay. |
| 26027 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4089 |
Dwight |
Eight? |
| 26028 |
5 |
28 |
Company Picnic |
4090 |
Jim |
Oh, Dwight, we're so close! Just buy us a few more minutes... Well, they just called me in for an update, so I'll call you right back... Okay... Okay, great. Hey, Dwight, uh... send in the subs! Ohh! |
| 26029 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Michael |
Parkour! |
| 26030 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Parkour! |
| 26031 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Extreme! Parkour! |
| 26032 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Jim |
This... is Parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. |
| 26033 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight, Andy |
Parkour! Parkour! |
| 26034 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Andy! Leapfrog! |
| 26035 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Do me! Do me! |
| 26036 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Parkour! Parkour! |
| 26037 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Ow! Get off! Get off! |
| 26038 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 26039 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy, Michael |
Parkour! Parkour! |
| 26040 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera! |
| 26041 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Michael |
Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time. |
| 26042 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can. |
| 26043 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Michael, Dwight |
Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo! |
| 26044 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Hardcore Parkour! |
| 26045 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Michael |
Parkoooooour! |
| 26046 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Dwight |
Let's do it! |
| 26047 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4091 |
Andy |
Parkour! |
| 26048 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Dwight |
Good. Excellent. Thank you. |
| 26049 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Female Intern |
There you go. Is there anything else I can do? |
| 26050 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Dwight |
Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk? |
| 26051 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Female Intern |
Mm hmm. |
| 26052 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Dwight |
Go put them all in random order. |
| 26053 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Female intern |
Mm-kay. |
| 26054 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4092 |
Dwight |
Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order. |
| 26055 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4093 |
Pam |
This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program. |
| 26056 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Meredith |
Think she did him? |
| 26057 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Oscar |
I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer. |
| 26058 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Kelly |
If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself. |
| 26059 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Michael |
Who's getting married? |
| 26060 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Pam |
Nobody. |
| 26061 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Michael |
If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming. |
| 26062 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Kelly |
It's Eric and Megan. |
| 26063 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Michael |
Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly. |
| 26064 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Phyllis |
They're not getting married. It's just talk. |
| 26065 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Michael |
Did everybody know about this but me? |
| 26066 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Phyllis |
There's nothing to know, it's just gossip. |
| 26067 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4094 |
Michael |
Okay... okay. |
| 26068 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Pam |
We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant. |
| 26069 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Jim |
Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day. |
| 26070 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Pam |
Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum. |
| 26071 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Jim |
Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun? |
| 26072 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Pam |
Nope. |
| 26073 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Jim |
No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything. |
| 26074 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Pam |
Can't back out now, Halpert. |
| 26075 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Jim |
What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last! |
| 26076 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4095 |
Pam |
No, keep it up. |
| 26077 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Michael |
You'll never guess what I know. |
| 26078 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Dwight |
Okay, let me finish this thought. |
| 26079 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Michael |
Eric likes Megan. |
| 26080 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Dwight |
He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well. |
| 26081 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Michael |
How do you know this? |
| 26082 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4096 |
Dwight |
People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. Okay, what is it, what can't I guess? |
| 26083 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4097 |
Michael |
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball? |
| 26084 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle." |
| 26085 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
What are you talking about? |
| 26086 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric. |
| 26087 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
At Tink's? |
| 26088 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
Yes |
| 26089 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
How'd you know about that? |
| 26090 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 26091 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
Did Stanley tell you? |
| 26092 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
Stanley was on your group date? |
| 26093 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back. |
| 26094 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Michael |
Does anybody else know about this? |
| 26095 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4098 |
Maurie |
No. |
| 26096 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
There he goes. There he goes. |
| 26097 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything? |
| 26098 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say... |
| 26099 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Pam |
Just keep it to yourself then. |
| 26100 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
Stanly is having a midlife crisis. |
| 26101 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Dwight |
Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio. |
| 26102 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people. |
| 26103 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Phyllis |
Teri's out of town, Michael. |
| 26104 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 26105 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4099 |
Phyllis |
Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts. |
| 26106 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up. |
| 26107 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Maurie |
What are you talking about? |
| 26108 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
Stanley's wife is out of town. |
| 26109 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Maurie |
He was with somebody. |
| 26110 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Eric |
He was definitely with somebody. |
| 26111 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
Oh, was he? Well who, his sister? |
| 26112 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
I don't get it! |
| 26113 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Eric |
If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal. |
| 26114 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
Drugs? |
| 26115 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Eric |
Making out. |
| 26116 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4100 |
Michael |
Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on. |
| 26117 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4101 |
Michael |
Stanley is having an affir. |
| 26118 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4101 |
Kelly |
WHAT?? |
| 26119 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4102 |
Michael |
I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention. |
| 26120 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4103 |
Michael |
That and that are the same letter. |
| 26121 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4103 |
Kevin |
Q. |
| 26122 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4103 |
Michael |
No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed? |
| 26123 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4103 |
Kevin |
T. |
| 26124 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4103 |
Michael |
T! Yes! Yes! That is a "T", and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there. |
| 26125 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Michael |
Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good? |
| 26126 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Stanley |
I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that? |
| 26127 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody? |
| 26128 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Stanley |
Goodbye. |
| 26129 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Michael |
Pays five million dollars. Nudity required. |
| 26130 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Jim |
You have to stop this. |
| 26131 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Michael |
Did you hear Stanley's having an affair? |
| 26132 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Jim |
I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people. |
| 26133 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Michael |
Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser... |
| 26134 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4104 |
Jim |
Do you know if it's true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life. |
| 26135 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. Stanley, are you having an affair? |
| 26136 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that? |
| 26137 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip. |
| 26138 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club. |
| 26139 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
So stupid! |
| 26140 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
It's just that... Teri's been traveling a lot... |
| 26141 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
I know, I know. |
| 26142 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
And it's been lonely. |
| 26143 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
Oh, I bet. |
| 26144 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill... I didn't... |
| 26145 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true? |
| 26146 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear. |
| 26147 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool. |
| 26148 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please. |
| 26149 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
I'm not saying... a damn thing. |
| 26150 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Stanley |
I'm counting on you, Michael. |
| 26151 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4105 |
Michael |
You can count on me. |
| 26152 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Michael |
Oh, that smells good. |
| 26153 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Kevin |
I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat. |
| 26154 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Michael |
Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird. |
| 26155 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Kevin |
Yeah... what do you mean exactly? |
| 26156 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Michael |
Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike. |
| 26157 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Kevin |
Reeeeally. |
| 26158 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4106 |
Michael |
Uh huh. Alright? |
| 26159 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4107 |
Michael |
How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair." It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit. |
| 26160 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Erin |
Kelly has an eating disorder? |
| 26161 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 26162 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Erin |
She always eats my lunch. |
| 26163 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Michael |
Anorexia. She's an anorexatic. |
| 26164 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Erin |
We should do something. |
| 26165 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4108 |
Michael |
Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess. |
| 26166 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Michael |
I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here. |
| 26167 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Kelly |
Really? |
| 26168 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Michael |
Yeah. So... and Andy is gay. |
| 26169 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Kelly |
Andy Bernard?? |
| 26170 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Michael |
Mm hmm. |
| 26171 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Michael |
Did you hear Pam is pregnant? |
| 26172 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Meredith |
Really? |
| 26173 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 26174 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4109 |
Meredith |
She's gonna hate being a mom. |
| 26175 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
What? |
| 26176 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Kevin |
Tea. |
| 26177 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
So? |
| 26178 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Kevin |
You would. |
| 26179 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
I like tea! |
| 26180 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Kevin |
Oh, I bet you like it. |
| 26181 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea! |
| 26182 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Kevin |
Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts? |
| 26183 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
WHAT?? |
| 26184 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Kevin |
Because you're gay. |
| 26185 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school? |
| 26186 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4110 |
Andy |
This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder. |
| 26187 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay? |
| 26188 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
I did. Yes. |
| 26189 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
And? |
| 26190 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 26191 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay? |
| 26192 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
Are you attracted to other men? |
| 26193 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like. |
| 26194 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive? |
| 26195 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you? |
| 26196 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Andy |
It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario. |
| 26197 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I don't... you might be gay. You might be gay. |
| 26198 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4111 |
Oscar |
What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me. |
| 26199 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Phyllis |
How far along is Pam? |
| 26200 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Meredith |
A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding. |
| 26201 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Michael |
Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go. |
| 26202 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Michael |
Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors. |
| 26203 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Dwight |
Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night. |
| 26204 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Eric |
Why would we call you at night? |
| 26205 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Dwight |
Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved. |
| 26206 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Jim |
You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs. |
| 26207 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4112 |
Dwight |
Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be. |
| 26208 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Erin |
I am so happy you're eating again. |
| 26209 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Kelly |
Me too! |
| 26210 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Tuna, how come you never try to set me up? |
| 26211 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though. |
| 26212 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Women friends? |
| 26213 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 26214 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Not guy friends? |
| 26215 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Are you... interested in her guy friends? |
| 26216 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women. |
| 26217 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 26218 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
But off the record, I'm kinda confused. |
| 26219 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Really. |
| 26220 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like... |
| 26221 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Well you gotta figure this out. |
| 26222 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Yeah, right? |
| 26223 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Yeah! |
| 26224 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
How? |
| 26225 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
You gotta have s*x with a woman. |
| 26226 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Right-o. |
| 26227 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
And a man. |
| 26228 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Ohh... |
| 26229 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
And then compare. |
| 26230 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Alright. Well hey... |
| 26231 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 26232 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Congratulations to you. |
| 26233 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
On what? |
| 26234 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Andy |
Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro. |
| 26235 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Angela |
Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a b*st*rd? |
| 26236 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Pam |
What? |
| 26237 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Angela |
Want me to say it again? |
| 26238 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Pam |
Why did that come into your brain? |
| 26239 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
Can I talk to you for a second? |
| 26240 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
So, they know. |
| 26241 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Pam |
Who did you tell? |
| 26242 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Jim |
I didn't tell anyone! Who did you tell? |
| 26243 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Pam |
Nobody! |
| 26244 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4113 |
Creed |
Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba. |
| 26245 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4114 |
Creed |
If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward? |
| 26246 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Oscar |
What? You think I'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog? |
| 26247 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Toby |
What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin? |
| 26248 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Jim |
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today? |
| 26249 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Everyone |
Yes. |
| 26250 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors. |
| 26251 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Jim |
Yeah, sure, but... who's been saying all that stuff? |
| 26252 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Michael |
That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap. |
| 26253 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Pam |
Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning. |
| 26254 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Kevin |
I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls? |
| 26255 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Creed |
I heard that from... Andy. |
| 26256 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Andy |
I heard it from Erin. |
| 26257 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4115 |
Erin |
I heard it from Michael. |
| 26258 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Pam |
Michael? He's over here! |
| 26259 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Pam |
Where are you going? |
| 26260 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Michael |
Nowhere. |
| 26261 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Dwight |
Michael... You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm? |
| 26262 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Pam |
Don't get on it. |
| 26263 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Jim |
Michael, don't. |
| 26264 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Pam |
Don't... get... on. Do not. |
| 26265 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Jim |
Michael... |
| 26266 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Kevin |
Stay. |
| 26267 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Pam |
Step away. |
| 26268 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4116 |
Creed |
Come on, boss. |
| 26269 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Okay, I made it all up. |
| 26270 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Andy |
Even the fact that I'm gay? |
| 26271 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 26272 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 26273 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model. |
| 26274 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Angela |
No. We heard that about Jim. |
| 26275 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself. |
| 26276 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Angela |
How is that a bad rumor? |
| 26277 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit. |
| 26278 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Oscar |
Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog... |
| 26279 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Stanley |
You told everyone I was having an affair? |
| 26280 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person. |
| 26281 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Kelly |
Well then, what's the one true rumor? |
| 26282 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Phyllis |
We have a right to know. |
| 26283 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Andy |
Michael... am I gay? |
| 26284 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that... |
| 26285 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
That Pam's pregnant. |
| 26286 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Angela |
I knew it! |
| 26287 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Kevin |
I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought "Oh, she has a new bra with padding." But then I thought "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim. |
| 26288 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
Okay. Thank you. |
| 26289 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Phyllis |
Congratulations! |
| 26290 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Erin |
That's really great, you guys. |
| 26291 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Ryan |
Don't vaccinate it. |
| 26292 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Dwight |
Who's the father? |
| 26293 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Pam |
Jim. |
| 26294 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Creed |
How far along? |
| 26295 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
Four months. |
| 26296 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Creed |
Who's the OB/GYN? |
| 26297 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Pam |
Stop. Don't. Just... |
| 26298 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair. |
| 26299 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 26300 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Yes. Jim... |
| 26301 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it. |
| 26302 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 26303 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Jim |
If everyone would like to see proof. |
| 26304 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 26305 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Kelly |
Are we just gonna wait here? |
| 26306 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Kelly |
It's true! |
| 26307 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4117 |
Michael |
Look at that! That is the inside of your v*g1n*! |
| 26308 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4118 |
Pam |
It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now. |
| 26309 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
How long have you known about the pregnancy? |
| 26310 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
A week? A month? A year? |
| 26311 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Jim |
Michael, we only told our parents last week. |
| 26312 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
Did you pee on a stick? |
| 26313 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Jim |
I did. It was inconclusive. |
| 26314 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
You should've told me. |
| 26315 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Pam |
You're right. We should've realized that you are an equal part of this. |
| 26316 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Erin |
Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call. |
| 26317 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Pam |
You called Stanley's wife? |
| 26318 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God. |
| 26319 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Jim |
Don't take it. |
| 26320 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious. |
| 26321 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Pam |
If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious. |
| 26322 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
No, no, I can do this. |
| 26323 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Jim |
You can't do this. |
| 26324 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over. |
| 26325 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Jim |
That sounds terrible. |
| 26326 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Pam |
Michael, please don't. |
| 26327 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
Hey, what up, Cynthia? |
| 26328 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4119 |
Michael |
Hold on a second, Cynthia. |
| 26329 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4120 |
Michael |
Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try. |
| 26330 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Maurie |
I learned that a company can describe their internship as "full of exciting experiences," even if that's a lie. There's no regulation. |
| 26331 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Megan |
I learned that half these people's email password is "password." |
| 26332 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Eric |
I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets. |
| 26333 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Megan |
I thought it was 500. |
| 26334 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Eric |
Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything. |
| 26335 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Maurie |
I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you "Jet Li" all summer. |
| 26336 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Megan |
Julia Stiles. |
| 26337 |
6 |
1 |
Gossip |
4121 |
Eric |
Alan Thicke. |
| 26338 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 26339 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
You wanted to see me? |
| 26340 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
Yes, Oscar come on in. Close the door if you would. Thank you, thanks so much for talking to me. |
| 26341 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
Yeah sure. |
| 26342 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
I'm going in for a procedure today. |
| 26343 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
Is everything okay? |
| 26344 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
Yeah, it's routine. I'm just a little bit scared. |
| 26345 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
I'm sure everything will be fine. What do you? What's the procedure, if you don't mind my asking? |
| 26346 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
It is a colonoscopy. |
| 26347 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 26348 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shaundry? |
| 26349 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
Oh my God. |
| 26350 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Michael |
My main concern, should I have a safe word? |
| 26351 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4122 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 26352 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David Wallace |
So Michael, do you think you can give me a run down on the Buffalo clients by Monday? |
| 26353 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
Abso... you know what? I'll do you one better, Sunday, Sunday night. |
| 26354 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David |
Okay, I will look at it Monday. |
| 26355 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
Ho, Hol, hold on big guy, I'm gonna put it in the mail Sunday night and you'll get it Weds. |
| 26356 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David |
Okay, Jim you wanna hit the conference room? |
| 26357 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 26358 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Pam |
Hey, Good luck. |
| 26359 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
Oh right, this thing. I remember now. What's this about? |
| 26360 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Jim |
Ah, this is just me and David, if that's okay. |
| 26361 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
It's okay with me but he's gonna want me in there. |
| 26362 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David |
No, ah it's okay Michael. We got it. |
| 26363 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 26364 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 26365 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
Michael |
Alright, do you mind if it sit this out? I have so much work to do, I feel like I'm gonna blow my brains out. |
| 26366 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4123 |
David |
Okay. |
| 26367 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4124 |
Michael |
Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No, because we are the Three Amigos. And once in awhile one of the Amigos will go off... to the bathroom... while the other two have a secret meeting. |
| 26368 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
Hey let me escort you to your desk. |
| 26369 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Okay, it's just three or four steps but thank you, thank you. |
| 26370 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
You and Jim are close, huh? |
| 26371 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together. |
| 26372 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
Hey, what do you think he and David are talking about? What do you... |
| 26373 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Ummm, I don't know. |
| 26374 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
Well, you said good luck to Jim as he walked in. |
| 26375 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Did I? Doesn't sound like me, not very superstitious. |
| 26376 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
If you are lying to me right now Pam, your baby is gonna come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk. |
| 26377 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Please don't talk about my breast milk. |
| 26378 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you? |
| 26379 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 26380 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4125 |
Michael |
I just don't want you to. |
| 26381 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
I was rushing to fill an order. I put the ladder up to grab a box of three hole from the top shelf. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground and the ladder's on top of me. |
| 26382 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
And that's how you broke your ankle? |
| 26383 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
Yes. |
| 26384 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Hmmm, interesting. How did the ladder end up on top of you, if you fell off of it? |
| 26385 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
This doesn't concern you man, you need to walk away. |
| 26386 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Oh really, I'm sorry I thought this was a free country. I didn't know we were in communist Sweden. |
| 26387 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
If we were living in Sweden, I wouldn't have to worry about this 'cause we'd have universal healthcare. |
| 26388 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Nnnnn, that's not... okay. |
| 26389 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
Be quiet. |
| 26390 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
I'm talking about... hmmm. |
| 26391 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
I will send this off to corporate. Make sure you hold on to your medical bills. Feel better. |
| 26392 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Darryl |
Thanks T-Man, later. |
| 26393 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
So long Darryl, feel better... He's lying. |
| 26394 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
He has a doctor's note. |
| 26395 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Oh? From who, Dr. J? Look, you really need to investigate this. People don't just fall off of ladders. |
| 26396 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
A guy on my street fell off a ladder painting his house. It was on the news. |
| 26397 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything other than to come up here for birthday cake? Y'all having birthday cake? |
| 26398 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
That's not a very good Darryl. |
| 26399 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
Please... and how many foremen do you know that pull boxes? |
| 26400 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Toby |
Hmmm. |
| 26401 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4126 |
Dwight |
It just doesn't add up. |
| 26402 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4127 |
Toby |
Well, we did a little investigation and Dwight had a good point. The ladder didn't reach the top shelf. I don't know if I believe it, but I am a fan of the hardboiled detective novel. I'll punch you in da mush, see. |
| 26403 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4128 |
Michael |
Uh huh, well if he doesn't like it you can tell that SOB that he is fired. Sorry, I'm going into a meeting right now. I will... I love you too. Bye. |
| 26404 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4128 |
Jim |
Who was that? |
| 26405 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4128 |
Michael |
Sorry about that. What'd I miss? |
| 26406 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4128 |
David |
Michael, we would like to continue the rest of this meeting in private, please, if you don't mind. |
| 26407 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4128 |
Michael |
Do not mind! Yes, I do! No, I don't. Yes, I do! No, I don't mind. Catch you guys on the flippity flop. Oh this... call waiting. Yeah, uh huh, well you tell the Mayor he just lost six votes. |
| 26408 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Creed |
They've been in there a while. |
| 26409 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 26410 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Creed |
Can't be good. |
| 26411 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Michael |
Nope. |
| 26412 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Creed |
Think they're talking about me? |
| 26413 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Michael |
No, I think they're talking about me. |
| 26414 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4129 |
Creed |
Yeah, that makes way more sense. Okay thanks boss. |
| 26415 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4130 |
Michael |
What is Jim telling him? That I can't handle this job? That 's bull crap. That is bull crap. Although, it has been chaotic lately. Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you there has been work everyday. Had to come in on a Saturday. To retrieve... I left my cell phone here. |
| 26416 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4131 |
Pam |
Hey Kelly. |
| 26417 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4131 |
Kelly |
Ugh, so jealous of your boobs. |
| 26418 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4131 |
Pam |
Thank you. Um, listen I just wanted to confirm that you're not coming to the wedding, which is totally understandable and more than fine. |
| 26419 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4131 |
Kelly |
Is Ryan going? |
| 26420 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4131 |
Pam |
I don't know, he hasn't RSVP'd yet. |
| 26421 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4132 |
Pam |
We invited everyone in the office to our wedding. Even though we realized most people wouldn't be able to make the drive to Niagara Falls. Which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls. Then Michael told everyone they could have Friday and Monday off, if they came. So now, people have to decide if they want to come to our wedding or have to work. |
| 26422 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4133 |
Kelly |
Here's the deal. I really want to go but I'm not gonna go if Ryan doesn't go, because it's kind of a waste of time. That came out wrong. It would awesome if you could try to get him to go because I'd really like to be there to support Jim. |
| 26423 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Andy |
What can I do for ya Hoss? |
| 26424 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Michael |
How are your sales doin'? |
| 26425 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Andy |
How are my sales doin'? Busted. My numbers are down a little bit and it's 'cause of the economy. You're not buying it, you're good. Okay the truth is, I have been having trouble focusing lately. I'm in this weird, flirty, nebulous thing with this cousin of mine and it's a total mind effer. |
| 26426 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Phyllis |
Again with the cousin. |
| 26427 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Andy |
Oh, I'm sorry Phyllis, you explain this email, okay. "Hey Andy let's go visit grandma and then get drunk together, ha ha." |
| 26428 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4134 |
Michael |
Shhh, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in that room, okay? |
| 26429 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4135 |
Michael |
Wallace had to show up on the one four month period that I'm completely overwhelmed. |
| 26430 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4136 |
Michael |
You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? Well, I don't believe that. I say go for the air-tight plan and that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a makeshift cheese cart. It is just elegant. |
| 26431 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Michael |
Be my eyes. |
| 26432 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Andy |
You got it. |
| 26433 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Stanley |
What have we here? |
| 26434 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Andy |
Oh, just backing up and turning around. |
| 26435 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Kevin |
Hey, we're gonna do this... |
| 26436 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Andy |
Dit, dit, dit, dit, it's not for you. Pardon moi, Messieurs. I took the liberty of preparing for you a cheese platter which I will place here on the eastern wall of the conference room. |
| 26437 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
David |
Cheese platter? |
| 26438 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Andy |
Oui, Oui, Monsieur. From the Wisconsin region, a nice firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan. Here you will find a cheddar style spread which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind which I think you'll find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine Bleu Cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the bleu cheese. Bon appetit. |
| 26439 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
David |
Alright, well I should go. Thanks for this. You've given me a lot to think about. Please promise me you won't do anything until we speak. |
| 26440 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
Jim |
No, I won't. Alright, thanks for giving me your time, I appreciate it. |
| 26441 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4137 |
David |
Thank you Jim. |
| 26442 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4138 |
David |
Erin, is Michael around? |
| 26443 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4138 |
Erin |
I think he's around here... |
| 26444 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4138 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, you must have walked right past me. How you doin'? |
| 26445 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4138 |
David |
Ah, yeah, could we talk in your office for a second? |
| 26446 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4138 |
Michael |
Yes, definitely. |
| 26447 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Sounds like a EMDP-40. |
| 26448 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Nah, that's a GE. A P40 is much higher pitched. |
| 26449 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
You're into trains? |
| 26450 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
I have been my whole life. |
| 26451 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Wow. |
| 26452 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
I'm rebuilding a turn of the century steam engine in my slaughter house. |
| 26453 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
That's so cool. |
| 26454 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 26455 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Wow, I'd love to take a look at that. |
| 26456 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Yeah, it's just a run of the mill slaughter house, but sure anytime. |
| 26457 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Well, you know, 'cause of the trains. |
| 26458 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Wa... wa... wait , someone's coming. |
| 26459 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Uhh, oh boy, oh boy. |
| 26460 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Here, get down! He's not using crutches! Get the camera! |
| 26461 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Get over there! Get over there! |
| 26462 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Oh, worker's comp, my ass! |
| 26463 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
I can't believe this. Hey you, ass****! |
| 26464 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Toby... |
| 26465 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
You gonna eat all that dog food yourself? |
| 26466 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Dwight |
Ooohhh... Oh man! You okay? |
| 26467 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4139 |
Toby |
Just keep going. |
| 26468 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
Hey Ryan. |
| 26469 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 26470 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
So, I just wanted to confirm that you're not coming to my wedding. |
| 26471 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Ryan |
Yeah, I might stop by. |
| 26472 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
It costs about $75 per person. |
| 26473 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Ryan |
Okay, I once had a glass of Cognac that cost $77. |
| 26474 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
Can you just tell me now if you're coming or not? |
| 26475 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Ryan |
Yes, I'm coming to your wedding. |
| 26476 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
Okay, Ryan Howard, yes. |
| 26477 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Ryan |
Probably, yes. |
| 26478 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4140 |
Pam |
Kelly Kapoor, yes. |
| 26479 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Are you sure you're okay with these new responsibilites? |
| 26480 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Look who you're talking to. |
| 26481 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
I'm just trying to figure out the best way to utilize everyone's talents. |
| 26482 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Well I would say that my greatest talent is being the best man, woman, or child, to have ever run this branch, ever. |
| 26483 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
What about Jim? Do you think Jim is someone who is ready to move into a management position? |
| 26484 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Permission to speak on the record? |
| 26485 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Please do. |
| 26486 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Jim is like Big Bird. He is tall and yellow and very nice. But would I put him in charge? No, I don't think so. Because Big Bird doesn't make the tough decisions. I... If I was gonna put someone in charge, I would put Burt in charge or I would put one of the real grown-ups in charge, like Maria or Gordon, maybe. |
| 26487 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
I thought you liked Jim? |
| 26488 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Very much, Jim is my best friend. But it's his performance report... right here. Now this was written by Toby, who we all know is extremely reliable. |
| 26489 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
"Constant office distractions, spends way too much time at reception, antagonizes other salesman, not at all what he thinks he is." |
| 26490 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
It's not very well written, but you get the gist. |
| 26491 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Is there anybody else you think could run the day to day of the branch? |
| 26492 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
I can just continue to run it myself. |
| 26493 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Jim had an interesting idea to help you with this extra work load and it involved you being promoted to oversee all northeast sales and then Jim would be promoted to your position. |
| 26494 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
This was Jim's idea? |
| 26495 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Mmhmm. |
| 26496 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
Michael |
Wow. Ummm, well I'd have to talk to my mother and my guy at H and R Block. |
| 26497 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4141 |
David |
Ummm... okay, here's the thing though. The plan doesn't work unless we have someone to replace you. I was hoping... plus we have to worry about Jim, he has another job offer. We may have to replace him. |
| 26498 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4142 |
Jim |
I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example, he handed out Jello shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown marathon. |
| 26499 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4143 |
David |
Jim can you walk me out to my car for a second. |
| 26500 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4143 |
Jim |
Sure. |
| 26501 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4144 |
Michael |
I can't help but feel partially responsible. |
| 26502 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Little pick me up? Oh those are the best. Little sugar rush. |
| 26503 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
When you were in the office earlier talking to Wallace, did I come up at all? |
| 26504 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Well we did talk about how handsome you are. |
| 26505 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
Why don't we head in your office to talk? |
| 26506 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Oh what a week, God. We said... I know there were certain things we said... |
| 26507 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
Michael, look I'll just be honest with you. Earlier today I spoke with Wallace about a promotion. I actually think that talk went really well. And then after he spoke with you, for some reason it felt like things had changed. |
| 26508 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Hmmm, that's weird, that's weird... it's kinda weirding me out. Did you know that Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. |
| 26509 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
Michael, did you say anything? |
| 26510 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Tell you what, when you leave this office I am going to call Wallace and I am going to tell him that you should get that promotion. |
| 26511 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 26512 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Yes! |
| 26513 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Jim |
You will? Wanna do it right now? |
| 26514 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4145 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 26515 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4146 |
Jim |
I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have known that he can do just as much damage in the dark. |
| 26516 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Dwight |
I need to see your pupils. I need to see if they're dilated. |
| 26517 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Toby |
If they were dilated... |
| 26518 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Darryl |
Toby! Dwight! Is that them? |
| 26519 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Gwenneth |
Definitely. |
| 26520 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Darryl |
You come to my house, bust up my trash cans, call my baby sister an ass****, and told her to eat dog food. |
| 26521 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Dwight |
We thought that she was you. |
| 26522 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Darryl |
Why would you think a lady is me? |
| 26523 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Dwight |
Are you... are you serious? Be... cause you look exactly alike. Am I the only one? Are you getting this? |
| 26524 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Toby |
No, nah. I don't see it. |
| 26525 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Darryl |
Here's what I'm gonna do, I'm calling corporate and I'm filing a complaint against both of you. |
| 26526 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Dwight |
Aww, Darryl. |
| 26527 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Darryl |
C'mon Gwenneth. |
| 26528 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4147 |
Gwenneth |
Sad. |
| 26529 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
This is David. |
| 26530 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
Michael |
Hey David, this is Michael Scott. Michael Scott here. |
| 26531 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
Yep. |
| 26532 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
Michael |
Just wanted to talk to you about Jim Halpert. I understand that he did not receive the promotion. And I wanted to see what I could do to nudge you in the right direction. |
| 26533 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
So, what, you're changing your mind about Jim? |
| 26534 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
Michael |
Absolutely, not. Like I said before, Jim is fantastic and he deserves this job. |
| 26535 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
Michael, it seems like you're cutting in and out... This is not what you said earlier. |
| 26536 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
Michael |
Wha... here's the thing, Jim is the best man for this job, I think you should give it to him. |
| 26537 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
Well, it doesn't change what you showed me in Jim's file. |
| 26538 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
Michael |
Well, nnnn, that... that was an anomaly. That file had been falsified. Toby Flenderson is doing drugs. |
| 26539 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4148 |
David |
Michael, I really don't know what's going on down there, but... oh, dammit, I am getting pulled over for talking on my cell, dammit. |
| 26540 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Toby |
Hey Darryl, look ahhh, we're here to apologize ahh... |
| 26541 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Darryl |
Cool. |
| 26542 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
Wait! They're using the lift as their own personal elevator. |
| 26543 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Toby |
What? |
| 26544 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
He broke his ankle climbing over the railing and he lied about it because it was a misuse of company equipment, case closed. |
| 26545 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Darryl |
Stupidest thing I've ever heard. |
| 26546 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
Really? Then why is there new wood only on one railing? Hmmm? We should check the security tapes Toby. |
| 26547 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Toby |
Well, I don't think there's any reason to check 'em but I suppose if we wanted to be really certain... |
| 26548 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Darryl |
Alright, yeah fine so whatever... |
| 26549 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 26550 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Toby |
You really did it... |
| 26551 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
Now, I would like to file an official complaint to corporate because Darryl lied on an official form. |
| 26552 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Darryl |
And I'm telling them you guys sexually harassed my sister. |
| 26553 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Dwight |
Phhhht. No judge is gonna believe that... |
| 26554 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4149 |
Toby |
Ahhh, kay. Look, we could all file complaints against each other and just drown in a sea of paperwork, but you know, we can just move on with our... with our lives. |
| 26555 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4150 |
Toby |
So Dwight and Darryl came to an agreement that both would file complaints with corporate and now I get to do all this paperwork. We worked it out. |
| 26556 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Michael |
Hey, hey Jim, it would make me feel really good right now if you would just punch me in the face. Alright, Just do it. |
| 26557 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Jim |
How many times have I asked you to put me up for a branch manager job. |
| 26558 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Michael |
I never recommended you because I didn't want to lose you and I didn't want to lose Pam, and now I don't wanna lose the baby. |
| 26559 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Jim |
So instead, you screwed me? |
| 26560 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Michael |
That's what she... |
| 26561 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Jim |
No. |
| 26562 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Erin |
David Wallace is calling. |
| 26563 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Michael |
Kind of in the middle of something here. |
| 26564 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Erin |
Should I tell him you'll call him back? |
| 26565 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4151 |
Michael |
I, yeah... no, I'll tell him myself. Let's both. |
| 26566 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 26567 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
Hey Michael, you got Jim there with you? |
| 26568 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
No, it's just us. |
| 26569 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
Actually, can you call Jim in? I want him on, please. |
| 26570 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, well here he is right now. Come in. |
| 26571 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Jim |
Hi David. |
| 26572 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
Hey guys, so I spoke to Alan, we had kind of an unconventional idea, which I think is pretty cool. But it only works if everyone's on board. |
| 26573 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
Well just as long as it means Jim becomes a manager. |
| 26574 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
We were thinking of having two branch managers in Scranton. Both of you guys working as co-managers. Jim would handle the day to day and Michael you would focus on clients and big picture stuff. |
| 26575 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Jim |
Wow, that sounds pretty cool. |
| 26576 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
I like that, so manager and co-manager. |
| 26577 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
Co-manager and Co-manager. See, there are a lot of moving pieces and this is the only way I can sell it upstairs. |
| 26578 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
Michael |
Well that might be a little confusing for people because they know me as manager. |
| 26579 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4152 |
David |
Alright, hey Michael can you pick up for one second. Okay look, I'm not going to force you into anything. If you're willing to lose Jim, fine, you just say so and we'll find another solution, okay. Is that what you want to do? |
| 26580 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Dwight |
Okay people, listen up, I have an announcement to make, fraud was committed... |
| 26581 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Michael |
Okay everybody, I have an announcement to make... whoa do you have an announcement? |
| 26582 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Dwight |
I'm... I was making it. |
| 26583 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Michael |
Everybody, David Wallace and I have talked and we have decided to promote Jim to the position of co-manager. |
| 26584 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Stanley |
Co-manager of what? |
| 26585 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Michael |
Of your butt, and your butt, and your butt, all of the Scranton branch butts. |
| 26586 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Phyllis |
What's happening to you Michael? |
| 26587 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Michael |
What's happening to me? I am also being promoted to co-manager, we will be co-managers together. Jim Halpert, welcome. |
| 26588 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4153 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 26589 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4154 |
Dwight |
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! |
| 26590 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
Niagara Falls in October? Pfft, hells yeah. |
| 26591 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
Do you think that you could send in your RSVP card? |
| 26592 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
Nah, I'll just tell you now, easier. |
| 26593 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
Well, you have to choose a food option and there's information in there about directions and lodging... |
| 26594 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs. I'll just get the other information the day of, I'll text you. |
| 26595 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
You are going to text me, the morning of my wedding. |
| 26596 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
Uh huh. |
| 26597 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
To ask for directions.. |
| 26598 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
Right... |
| 26599 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
And you will eat whatever is fanciest? |
| 26600 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Meredith |
Unless there's ribs. |
| 26601 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Angela |
Rude. |
| 26602 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
So rude, right? |
| 26603 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Angela |
Mmm hmmm. |
| 26604 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh, I have been chasing people down all day. It's incredible. |
| 26605 |
6 |
2 |
The Meeting |
4155 |
Angela |
Pam, my bag was there... |
| 26606 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4156 |
Dwight |
Could you please sign my expense report? |
| 26607 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4156 |
Michael |
No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic. |
| 26608 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4157 |
Dwight |
Sign this. |
| 26609 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4157 |
Jim |
Ah, ah, ah. Where's the "please"? We're not animals. |
| 26610 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4157 |
Dwight |
Sign it. |
| 26611 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4157 |
Jim |
No, not without a "please." |
| 26612 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4157 |
Dwight |
Idiot. |
| 26613 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Dwight |
I have a complaint about Jim. |
| 26614 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Michael |
That is not big picture. |
| 26615 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Dwight |
I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office. |
| 26616 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Michael |
... Okay. |
| 26617 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Dwight |
Jim won't sign my expense report. |
| 26618 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Michael |
That is not-- okay-- that is day-to-day. |
| 26619 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Dwight |
No, that is huge. |
| 26620 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Michael |
You're trying to trick me. |
| 26621 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Dwight |
This has to do-- |
| 26622 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4158 |
Michael |
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. |
| 26623 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
I'd like to lodge a complaint. |
| 26624 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? |
| 26625 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
You! |
| 26626 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So... When did this happen? |
| 26627 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
One minute ago. |
| 26628 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
Okay. And how do you feel? |
| 26629 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
Angry. |
| 26630 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
All right. Did he hit you? |
| 26631 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 26632 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
Did you cry? |
| 26633 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 26634 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
Did you feel like crying? |
| 26635 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 26636 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
I'm just gonna write "held back tears." |
| 26637 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. |
| 26638 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Jim |
If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. |
| 26639 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4159 |
Dwight |
I'm not cr-- uhh! |
| 26640 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4160 |
Dwight |
I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh, man. Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock! And he's gasping, he's panting! Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! Aha! $18,000 and a chance at the title! Ooh hah! |
| 26641 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4160 |
Erin |
Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. |
| 26642 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Michael |
Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. And I suggest that you bring a snack, because we may be in there for a while. |
| 26643 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Jim |
Michael... |
| 26644 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 26645 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Jim |
Can I talk to you in my office for a second? |
| 26646 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Michael |
Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office? |
| 26647 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4161 |
Stanley |
Can I also be a boss? |
| 26648 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4162 |
Oscar |
Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes? |
| 26649 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
I have noticed that we-- |
| 26650 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Welcome. |
| 26651 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings. |
| 26652 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 26653 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um-- |
| 26654 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Disruptive. |
| 26655 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 26656 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
No, I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important. |
| 26657 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Okay, maybe we should talk specifics. |
| 26658 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Let's do. |
| 26659 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets. |
| 26660 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
N-- well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim? |
| 26661 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
I am. |
| 26662 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets... |
| 26663 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 26664 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are. |
| 26665 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Yes, I agree. |
| 26666 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust. |
| 26667 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. |
| 26668 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. |
| 26669 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
You mean on a weekend? |
| 26670 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 26671 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. |
| 26672 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
Alright. No more meetings this week. |
| 26673 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Jim |
Really? You just agreed to that? |
| 26674 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4163 |
Michael |
I can be very suprising. |
| 26675 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4164 |
Phyllis |
What's going on? |
| 26676 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4164 |
Pam |
I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant. |
| 26677 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4164 |
Ryan |
You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. |
| 26678 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4164 |
Phyllis |
Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? |
| 26679 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4164 |
Pam |
We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much. |
| 26680 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4165 |
Pam |
It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? |
| 26681 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4166 |
Phyllis |
Perfect. I hate registries. |
| 26682 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4166 |
Pam |
Oh, good. |
| 26683 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4166 |
Phyllis |
My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be suprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? |
| 26684 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4166 |
Pam |
No, we're not. |
| 26685 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4166 |
Phyllis |
Good. Good. |
| 26686 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm? |
| 26687 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Okay, I thought I saw people missing. |
| 26688 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each. |
| 26689 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door? |
| 26690 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
Stanley, you don't need to answer that. |
| 26691 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Stanley? |
| 26692 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Stanley |
"If you don't smell this, you're fired." |
| 26693 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these. |
| 26694 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
What do you mean by "these people"? |
| 26695 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Michael, this is a conference room meeting. |
| 26696 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room. |
| 26697 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
That's not what I meant. |
| 26698 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important that what you want. |
| 26699 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
I disagree. |
| 26700 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
What do you guys think? |
| 26701 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael? |
| 26702 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people. |
| 26703 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager. |
| 26704 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
That is not what Wallace told us. |
| 26705 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Jim |
That's exactly what Wallace told us. |
| 26706 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4167 |
Michael |
That is not the way I heard it. |
| 26707 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4168 |
Kelly |
I love rivalries-- Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answEring your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible. |
| 26708 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. It is another thing, you bossing me around. |
| 26709 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David Wallace. |
| 26710 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
No, no, no. No, we will not call David Wallace. I will call David Wallace. |
| 26711 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Erin |
David Wallace is on line two for you guys. |
| 26712 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just-- |
| 26713 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Hey, David. You got Jim here. |
| 26714 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
Hey David, this is Michael, senior co-manager. |
| 26715 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
Hey guys, um, I'm calling, because, unfortunately, we will not be able to give out cost of living raises this year, and I know people expect it. However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch, so we're leaving it up to the managers to decide how to distribute it. |
| 26716 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classice big-picture decision. |
| 26717 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of our employees. |
| 26718 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
It's probably a little of both. |
| 26719 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
Which is it more of? |
| 26720 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
Excuse me? |
| 26721 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
David, I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective on how things work. |
| 26722 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you-- are you texting me? |
| 26723 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. |
| 26724 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
Look, I need you both to take care of this. This is not going to be a problem, is it? |
| 26725 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Nope, not at all. |
| 26726 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
No, it will not be. I am on top of it. |
| 26727 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
David Wallace |
Very good. |
| 26728 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Alright, thanks alot, David. |
| 26729 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
Talk to you later-- Okay, you didn't let me say good-bye. Alright, I am looking forward to this. |
| 26730 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
You don't have to lie. |
| 26731 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
I hate the fact that we have to do this together. I think we work better separately. When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. |
| 26732 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 26733 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Michael |
All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. |
| 26734 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4169 |
Jim |
Alright. Let's get started. |
| 26735 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4170 |
Creed |
Hey, why haven't we ever, um... |
| 26736 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4170 |
Meredith |
We have. |
| 26737 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
You know, there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks and don't say anything about it. |
| 26738 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
Do you mean, like break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll? |
| 26739 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
No, we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. |
| 26740 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. |
| 26741 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
Jim, don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way? |
| 26742 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
It's hard to tell so far. |
| 26743 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
You use your brain too much. |
| 26744 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? |
| 26745 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. |
| 26746 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
You just came up with that. |
| 26747 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
As I was saying it. |
| 26748 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
Yeah. Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro-- everyone gets a little bit. |
| 26749 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
Con-- you look like a nerd. |
| 26750 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
Con-- no one gets as much as they did last year. |
| 26751 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
Pro-- you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. |
| 26752 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Jim |
Pro-- no favoritism. |
| 26753 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4171 |
Michael |
Con-- you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there. |
| 26754 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4172 |
Jim |
I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart-- How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it. |
| 26755 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Kevin |
Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. |
| 26756 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Pam |
I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. |
| 26757 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Kevin |
Like money? Like you-- you want my money? |
| 26758 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 26759 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Kevin |
Will you take a check? |
| 26760 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 26761 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Kevin |
Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, "To love's eternal glory." |
| 26762 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 26763 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4173 |
Kevin |
Wait til' Monday. |
| 26764 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4174 |
Pam |
Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. oh look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" That's the first time I've seen it in writing! |
| 26765 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
You know, the more I think about it, the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. |
| 26766 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
That will not go over well. |
| 26767 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
I know. I just think it seems smart to keep the salesmen happy right now. 'Course I know that this might come off as biased, so you know what? Let us... |
| 26768 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Oh, my God! Are you gonna make another pro and con list? I'm gonna kill myself. |
| 26769 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking. |
| 26770 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
No! I could not do that, Jim. I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect. If I can just think this through, if I could just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect, and then I can go down every avenue, and every avenue off of that avenue, and then another avenue. |
| 26771 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 26772 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
And then another-- |
| 26773 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Look, you have a lot of strengths. |
| 26774 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Oh, I do?! Tell me what they are. |
| 26775 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
I think that you are able to take constructive criticism very well. |
| 26776 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Ha! That-- I am not known for that! |
| 26777 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
But there is a reason why I'm here! |
| 26778 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Yes! You went over my head to Wallace! |
| 26779 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael! |
| 26780 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? Why don't you enliven me? |
| 26781 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
I don't think you're good at making tough decisions! |
| 26782 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Ah. |
| 26783 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision. |
| 26784 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck! You suck! Is that clear enough for you?! |
| 26785 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table. |
| 26786 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Okay, Skippy, here we go. Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? You call it. |
| 26787 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
This had better be terrible. |
| 26788 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Could I have everyone's attention, please? I have some tough news, so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, so the simple fact is some people will get raises, and some people won't. Now, what we've decided is, we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff. |
| 26789 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Meredith |
Wait. Seriously?! |
| 26790 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. I'm just trying to treat you like adults. |
| 26791 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. |
| 26792 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Angela |
But, I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? |
| 26793 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Excellent question, genius. It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with. |
| 26794 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Ooh, easy. That's not it at all. |
| 26795 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Well? |
| 26796 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Really what it is, is about the money the sales staff brings into the office. |
| 26797 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kelly |
What's going on? |
| 26798 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kevin |
Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. |
| 26799 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kelly |
What the hell?! Why are you being such a jerk?! |
| 26800 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Hold on, Kelly. Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? |
| 26801 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kelly |
No! How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?! |
| 26802 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Dwight |
This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us?! |
| 26803 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so-- |
| 26804 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Dwight |
What about all these people, huh?! How is it fair to them?! |
| 26805 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Exactly! |
| 26806 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kevin |
Totally! |
| 26807 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
We work just as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises. |
| 26808 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Creed |
Yes. |
| 26809 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Angela |
Yes. They don't get 'em, if we don't get 'em! |
| 26810 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Meredith |
My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes?! |
| 26811 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 26812 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Dwight |
Her kid needs shoes, Jim! |
| 26813 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Meredith |
What the hell?! |
| 26814 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Wow! I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so... |
| 26815 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you , and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This-- |
| 26816 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Angela |
What are you talking about Michael? |
| 26817 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Stanley |
We just need to hear your plan for our raise. |
| 26818 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
My plan-- a man-- panama. |
| 26819 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Andy |
That's not how that goes. |
| 26820 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Meredith |
You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct... |
| 26821 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Jim |
Thank you, Meredith. |
| 26822 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Meredith |
...when he was telling us his dumbass plan. |
| 26823 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise, yes or no? |
| 26824 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Michael |
Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do. |
| 26825 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Oscar |
Again, that gives us no information. |
| 26826 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4175 |
Phyllis |
This isn't a game, you know? It's our livelihood! |
| 26827 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Michael |
What about a raise based on merit? |
| 26828 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Jim |
Rank each person individually? |
| 26829 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best. |
| 26830 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Jim |
Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started. |
| 26831 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Michael |
Are you making a-- |
| 26832 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4176 |
Jim |
Nope. I'm numbering the paper. |
| 26833 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Oscar |
Just-- |
| 26834 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I don't understand how they can even consider giving money to some people and not the rest of us. |
| 26835 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Angela |
It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. We're in accounting! |
| 26836 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Meredith |
I am so pissed at this company! |
| 26837 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Dwight |
And Jim! |
| 26838 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Meredith |
Yeah. Who said that? |
| 26839 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Dwight |
I think it was Creed. |
| 26840 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4177 |
Creed |
Yep. |
| 26841 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
It's going really well, actually. |
| 26842 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture of who you think deserv-- who's that? |
| 26843 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Michael |
Toby. |
| 26844 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
He's not a part of this. You know that. |
| 26845 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Michael |
Just wanted to draw a picture of him. |
| 26846 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
Okay, your move. |
| 26847 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Michael |
Alright! Who to pick? Who to pick? |
| 26848 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
Here we go. |
| 26849 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Michael |
I... will skip a turn. |
| 26850 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Jim |
Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that. |
| 26851 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Michael |
I need more time. |
| 26852 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4178 |
Erin |
Wallace sent an e-mail about a meeting next week. He wants you both to respond. |
| 26853 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4179 |
Dwight |
People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. |
| 26854 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Dwight |
Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. They determine our worth by putting beans upon our faces. |
| 26855 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Oscar |
What the hell?! |
| 26856 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Dwight |
Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. |
| 26857 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Michael |
Hey, what are you guys doing in here? |
| 26858 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Kevin |
What does a bean mean? |
| 26859 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Pam |
Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? |
| 26860 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Kevin |
Michael, what does a bean mean? |
| 26861 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Pam |
Jim? |
| 26862 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Jim |
I was just trying to be unbiased. |
| 26863 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Kevin |
What does a bean mean?! |
| 26864 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Oscar |
Someone please explain it to Kevin. |
| 26865 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Meredith |
Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. |
| 26866 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Phyllis |
Not according to the beans. |
| 26867 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Angela |
This is how you make this important decision? |
| 26868 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4180 |
Andy |
There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. That is ridiculous. This is how it works. |
| 26869 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
It's not so much that I might not get a raise. It's just demeaning! |
| 26870 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Andy |
Thank you! That is exactly-- by the way, I would also like a raise. |
| 26871 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I would, too. |
| 26872 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Dwight |
Are we idiots? What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade, we exist, and these are those seconds! Let us storm his castle! Come on! Tick-- let's get him. Tock-- let's get Jim! Tick-- and drag Jim out of his office! Tock-- take his keys away from him! Tick-- that's a clock! The time is getting very close! It's now or never! What say you?! |
| 26873 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
I say no. |
| 26874 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Dwight |
No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? Okay. |
| 26875 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Kevin |
What does a bean mean? |
| 26876 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
How you doing? |
| 26877 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four. |
| 26878 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Oh, what are you usually? |
| 26879 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
Six. You? |
| 26880 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero. |
| 26881 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
I mean, a performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right? |
| 26882 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
I know, I know. |
| 26883 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
We tried to find the fairest way to do it. |
| 26884 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Yes, we did. |
| 26885 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
I just-- what? |
| 26886 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you. |
| 26887 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
Michael! |
| 26888 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Kevin |
Michael! |
| 26889 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
Come on! This isn't fair! |
| 26890 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
Michael's my only friend left in the office. Except Pam... I think. Is she still upset? |
| 26891 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this! |
| 26892 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 26893 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 26894 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
What's in here? |
| 26895 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Gin. |
| 26896 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Jim |
Ooh! |
| 26897 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4181 |
Michael |
Just pretend we're not here. |
| 26898 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Ryan |
Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? |
| 26899 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Pam |
Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. |
| 26900 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Ryan |
Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now, or $5,000 a year from now? |
| 26901 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Pam |
$100 now for sure. |
| 26902 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Ryan |
Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in a hundred of my own money as the gift... |
| 26903 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Pam |
Yeah. No, no, I'll um-- the hundred. I'll just take the hundred. |
| 26904 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Ryan |
Instead of $5,000 a year from now? |
| 26905 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4182 |
Pam |
How sure is this? |
| 26906 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4183 |
Pam |
The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. |
| 26907 |
6 |
3 |
The Promotion |
4184 |
Pam |
Don't tell Jim. |
| 26908 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4185 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume... and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room? |
| 26909 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4185 |
Jim |
We would really appreciate it. |
| 26910 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4186 |
Dwight |
Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like she is screwed. It's amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It's so bad ass. |
| 26911 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4187 |
Pam |
Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, just for a month or two? Yours is kind of perfumy. |
| 26912 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4187 |
Phyllis |
Now this is getting ridiculous. |
| 26913 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4187 |
Dwight |
Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting where we all all voted for you to get pregnant. No! I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk. |
| 26914 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4187 |
Meredith |
All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars and I'm not stopping for anyone. |
| 26915 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4188 |
Pam |
I don't think I'm asking for too much. I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the workplace. |
| 26916 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4189 |
Andy |
Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And... frankly so does talking about it. So... wow... |
| 26917 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Michael |
What do you think? I spent all morning on it. |
| 26918 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Jim |
It is really special. |
| 26919 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Pam |
Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our... no. It's great. |
| 26920 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Michael |
It's just a really important day for me. |
| 26921 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Jim |
Well, congrats. |
| 26922 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4190 |
Michael |
Thanks. |
| 26923 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4191 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. So, please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day. |
| 26924 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Jim |
Believe it or not, Kevin, fire crackers are in the don't column. |
| 26925 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Kevin |
So... you're going to provide them, then? |
| 26926 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Jim |
No. This is a fire cracker free wedding. |
| 26927 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Kevin |
What the hell? |
| 26928 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Dwight |
Come on. You've got to be kidding me. |
| 26929 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
Ok. All of these things are important to remember but the most important thing is no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding. |
| 26930 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Jim |
Absolutely. 'Cause not everyone knows and some people may be offended. |
| 26931 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Angela |
Decent people everywhere will get offended. |
| 26932 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
Well, we're thinking of my grandmother who we haven't told and is very old-fashioned. |
| 26933 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Angela |
Well, you're lucky you have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers. |
| 26934 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Jim |
That's nice. |
| 26935 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
You know, Angela, you don't have to come to the wedding. |
| 26936 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Angela |
Really, Pam... |
| 26937 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
Yes she does. Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time. |
| 26938 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Angela |
Ow! He pinched me! |
| 26939 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
No. |
| 26940 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
Next time we're all in this room Jim and I will be married. |
| 26941 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Dwight |
We'll see. |
| 26942 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
Thank you, Dwight. |
| 26943 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Jim |
Good-bye. |
| 26944 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Pam |
See you later. |
| 26945 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
And, hey, don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara. |
| 26946 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Andy |
What happens in Niagara, stays in Niagara. |
| 26947 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
Don't. Don't. Don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke. |
| 26948 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Andy |
No... I didn't steal your joke. |
| 26949 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
Yes. I said that yesterday. |
| 26950 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Dwight |
But you can say that about anything. |
| 26951 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
Dwight... |
| 26952 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Dwight |
What happens in accounting, stays in accounting. |
| 26953 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Kevin |
Oh yeah. |
| 26954 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke. |
| 26955 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Dwight |
It's easy. That's what I'm saying. |
| 26956 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4192 |
Michael |
This is what I'm talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So... I will see you up there in Viagra Falls! |
| 26957 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4193 |
Michael |
Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe. |
| 26958 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
I stole the guest list from Jim's desk and I search engined every female on both sides of the family. |
| 26959 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
Get out of here. |
| 26960 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 26961 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
Oh, my God, Dwight. |
| 26962 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
For instance, Pam's cousin, Jocelyn Webster. |
| 26963 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
There's... a name. |
| 26964 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
Two years ago she was selling a mountain bike. |
| 26965 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn. |
| 26966 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
Well... she was really into mountain biking but not so much lately. |
| 26967 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 26968 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
She had a couple hundred dollars to spend, I mean, if she was able to sell her bike. |
| 26969 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
Is that all you have on her? |
| 26970 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Dwight |
Well, if this is in fact her because it is a very common name. |
| 26971 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4194 |
Michael |
You're an idiot. |
| 26972 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4195 |
Kevin |
People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office... but I'm going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought, how could I take it to the next level? The hair. It's the hair-- Ok. Ok. I'm going. God. |
| 26973 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4196 |
Andy |
Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It's like a five hour drive-ish, you know. |
| 26974 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4196 |
Kelly |
This is so much cooler. We feel like wer're in a limo and you're our driver. |
| 26975 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4196 |
Andy |
Mmm-hmm. Erin? |
| 26976 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4196 |
Erin |
Oh no. That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in back. |
| 26977 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4197 |
Andy |
Not only is Erin really sweet and cute... she smell's like my mom. |
| 26978 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Pam |
Hey, my aunt told me something neat. |
| 26979 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 26980 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Pam |
She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast we should try to take mental pictures of the high points. |
| 26981 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Jim |
Oh, wow. That's cool. |
| 26982 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 26983 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Jim |
Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that's in my brain forever. |
| 26984 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 26985 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Jim |
Lousy Picture. |
| 26986 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4198 |
Pam |
We should have hired a professional to take our mental pictures. |
| 26987 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep. |
| 26988 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
What? No way! |
| 26989 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
Those glasses are super dark. |
| 26990 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
Oh. God. |
| 26991 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
Alright. We need some tunes, I think. |
| 26992 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
You know what? I made you a cd... |
| 26993 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
You did? |
| 26994 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 26995 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
That was nice of you. |
| 26996 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room. |
| 26997 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in. |
| 26998 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
You're gonna like this. "Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah to be in your shoes. 'What's next?', you're probably wondering. Don't be scared of you're night in heaven--" |
| 26999 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room? |
| 27000 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Dwight |
Yeah. It's practical. |
| 27001 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4199 |
Michael |
No. No. That's not how it works. |
| 27002 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4200 |
Jim |
Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience for people. They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. It's really kitchy now, which is a lot of fun. |
| 27003 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Halpert... |
| 27004 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Jim |
And Beesly. Tonight we're in two seperate rooms and tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite. |
| 27005 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Great. |
| 27006 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Jim |
I know. We're pretty excited, too. |
| 27007 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Pam |
Can we take a look at the suite now? |
| 27008 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Oh, I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in. |
| 27009 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Pam |
Oh... is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend? |
| 27010 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Oh, no. Just an individual. That man over there. |
| 27011 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Andy |
Hey. I got the room the night before you guys. I'll break in the bed. |
| 27012 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Jim |
I don't like that. |
| 27013 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4201 |
Pam |
I'm gonna need the name and cell phone number of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please. |
| 27014 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott. |
| 27015 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
One moment while I check. |
| 27016 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
The proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement. |
| 27017 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 27018 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not seeing you in here. When did you make your reservation? |
| 27019 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
I don't have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms. |
| 27020 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Oh, ok. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. I'm afraid we're all sold out. |
| 27021 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. Confirmation number: Romeo. Tango. G7745. |
| 27022 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Yes. Schrute. |
| 27023 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes? |
| 27024 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Sure. No problem. |
| 27025 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Ok. |
| 27026 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Front Desk Clerk |
Here's your key, Mr. Schrute. |
| 27027 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room. |
| 27028 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
No way. What if I meet someone? |
| 27029 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
I'm staying in your-- Come on, Dwight. |
| 27030 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
No. No. |
| 27031 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
I would do the same for you. |
| 27032 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
You would? |
| 27033 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 27034 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 27035 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Yes... just go-- |
| 27036 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Wait a second. Oh. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. This reservation seems to be under an M. Scott. This must be yours. |
| 27037 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Oh. Thank God. |
| 27038 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Oh no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you? |
| 27039 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Um... no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can't. And I'll tell you why. |
| 27040 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Please? |
| 27041 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she's going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay. |
| 27042 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 27043 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 27044 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
Ok. Ok. A-ha-ha! That was a test. You have failed. For this is my room. You would not share with me. |
| 27045 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
I don't have a room? |
| 27046 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
No you do not. |
| 27047 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Ok. 'Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.' |
| 27048 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Dwight |
It worked. |
| 27049 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4202 |
Michael |
Jerk. |
| 27050 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4203 |
Michael |
When Mary was denied a room at the inn... Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet. |
| 27051 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Stanley |
Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson. |
| 27052 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight? |
| 27053 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Stanley |
Are you crazy? I brought Cynthia with me. |
| 27054 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
Not in the same bed. In the other bed. |
| 27055 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Stanley |
I got one queen size bed. |
| 27056 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
You... are... kidding me. |
| 27057 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Stanley |
A queen size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael. |
| 27058 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight? |
| 27059 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Erin |
Oh. Gross. |
| 27060 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Kelly |
Blow my brains out. |
| 27061 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
That's rude. |
| 27062 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Toby |
Michael, I have one extra twin bed, if you want. |
| 27063 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4204 |
Michael |
You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it. |
| 27064 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Mr. Halpert |
So, which one is Pam's grandma? |
| 27065 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Pam |
Oh, Mema? She's the one in the teal suit. She's the only 80 year old with no smile wrinkles. |
| 27066 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Jim |
Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right? |
| 27067 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Mr. Halpert |
No. |
| 27068 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very conservative. So, mum's the word. |
| 27069 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Jim |
Mom, Dad. This is Michael Scott. |
| 27070 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Mr. Halpert |
Oh. |
| 27071 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
How ya doin'? |
| 27072 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Mr. Halpert |
Hi. |
| 27073 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
Nice to meet you. |
| 27074 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Mr. Halpert |
Nice to meet you. |
| 27075 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
Who's doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and-- |
| 27076 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Jim |
Michael, I thought we discussed that we would rather you not speak, like, at all. Because it's just going to be blood relatives, I think. |
| 27077 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
That is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives. |
| 27078 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Jim |
Pretty sure everyone heard that. |
| 27079 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4205 |
Michael |
Didn't move my lips. |
| 27080 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4206 |
Pam |
Hey, Mema. |
| 27081 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4206 |
Mema |
I wasn't sure about your branch of the family. After I heard about your parent's divorce. But you and Jim are just perfect. God bless you. |
| 27082 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4206 |
Pam |
Oh. Thank you... but nobody's perfect. |
| 27083 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4206 |
Mema |
Well... I wouldn't care to live if I thought that. |
| 27084 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4207 |
Jim |
Mr. Beesly. How are ya? |
| 27085 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4207 |
Mr. Beesly |
I'd like you to meet Christy Kelly. |
| 27086 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4207 |
Jim |
Oh. Is this, uh, is this your niece? |
| 27087 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4207 |
Mr. Beesly |
No no. She's my girlfriend. Hey? Can you make room at the head table? |
| 27088 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4208 |
Dwight |
From quarter three to quarter four up 17 percent, while his sales down two percent. It's all in the report. |
| 27089 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4208 |
Little Girl |
Why would they make the bad man a boss if you're so much smarter? |
| 27090 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4208 |
Dwight |
Excellent question. Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... the bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt. |
| 27091 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4208 |
Kids |
Ewwww! |
| 27092 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4208 |
Dwight |
That's right. It is ew. It is very ew. |
| 27093 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Pam |
Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She's also my maid of honor. |
| 27094 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Oscar |
Pleased to meet you. |
| 27095 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Penny |
I'm sorry, it's Kevin. I thought it was Gil? |
| 27096 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
She thought I was your boyfriend. |
| 27097 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Oscar |
You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you? |
| 27098 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Pam |
Oscar, it was an honest mistake. |
| 27099 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Oscar |
Him? Him? |
| 27100 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
Oscar, I would be proud to date you. |
| 27101 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Penny |
I'm sorry. |
| 27102 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
I'm not gay. I'm Kevin. |
| 27103 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Penny |
Nice to meet you, Kevin. |
| 27104 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 27105 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Oscar |
You owe me and apology. |
| 27106 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Penny |
I'm so sorry. |
| 27107 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
Are you seeing anyone right now? |
| 27108 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Pam |
She has a boyfriend. He's out of town. |
| 27109 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4209 |
Kevin |
Cool. |
| 27110 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4210 |
Ryan |
I was the youngest VP in the company history. |
| 27111 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4210 |
Meredith |
More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories. |
| 27112 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4210 |
Ryan |
Um... also-- |
| 27113 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4211 |
Andy |
How did Meredith get put at the young people's table? |
| 27114 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4211 |
Kevin |
She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin. |
| 27115 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4211 |
Andy |
What? You're kid-- That's-- You're-- |
| 27116 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Isabel |
Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. |
| 27117 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Michael |
Head table, where I belong. |
| 27118 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Dwight |
It's just for family. |
| 27119 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Michael |
Well, who's that one? |
| 27120 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Dwight |
Isabel Poreba. Oh, I've got stuff on her. In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2. |
| 27121 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Michael |
What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? |
| 27122 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4212 |
Dwight |
That's a very good record. |
| 27123 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4213 |
Pete |
Alright, so I'll be like, 'You're so sweet guys and so kind'. |
| 27124 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4213 |
Tom Halpert |
That's when I'll do the face, like- |
| 27125 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4213 |
Pete |
Like, 'What? What?'. And then we'll just give him a little punch in the back and-- |
| 27126 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4213 |
Tom Halpert |
A noogie? |
| 27127 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4213 |
Pete |
You know what? Never too married for a noogie. |
| 27128 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4214 |
Michael |
They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me... up there. It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom. |
| 27129 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Tom Halpert |
Pam, you've got the greatest smile and you're body is really fine. |
| 27130 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pete |
Smoking. |
| 27131 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Tom Halpert |
Hoping it'll make our wives take it up a notch. |
| 27132 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pete |
A little mo' cardio. |
| 27133 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
That's not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast and I'm not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? 'I'm so smart. E=mc... squared. I drive a Smart Car.' That's not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider. |
| 27134 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Dwight |
Knight Rider. |
| 27135 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
That's a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope. |
| 27136 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 27137 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
That's not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. |
| 27138 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Dwight |
Very smart. |
| 27139 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
And... you... everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh. |
| 27140 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
No. |
| 27141 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
Yeah. Go ahead. |
| 27142 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Alright. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. |
| 27143 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pete |
Douche. |
| 27144 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Aw, thanks, Pete. That was really nice. I just want to say how happy we are that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who traveled from far away to be here with us tonight... especially the Flordia cousins who, obviously, can't take a hint. Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do... which was just to wait. Uh, don't get me wrong. I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of my friends and family that I do know how to make a photo copy. Didn't need your help that many times. And do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive a stick? |
| 27145 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pam |
Like... a year. |
| 27146 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
I've been driving stick since high school. So... yes. For a really long time that's all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife. So... I would like to propose a toast. So if you'd all raise your glasses. Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but everyone else. If you would raise your glasses-- |
| 27147 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Mema |
What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink? |
| 27148 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Pam can't drink? I didn't-- I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That's not true. I-- no. What we want-- the real reason is that, that Pam's pregnant. |
| 27149 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that... they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they're having lots of consentual sex-- |
| 27150 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Mema |
They were living together? |
| 27151 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it's just a different sensation. |
| 27152 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 27153 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
When you c-- well? Am I wrong? They say it's not different, but it's a different sensation. |
| 27154 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Oh, my God. Please. |
| 27155 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
When you use something to block-- I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman-- |
| 27156 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 27157 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
...but it's different for the-- ok. Ok. |
| 27158 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Pam |
Michael. Stop. |
| 27159 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Mema, I hope you heard every word. |
| 27160 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 27161 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Michael |
Jim. |
| 27162 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Jim |
To waiting. |
| 27163 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4215 |
Everyone |
To waiting. |
| 27164 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4216 |
Mema |
I should have known. The hotels television set had a movie on called "Bruno" last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn't turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, 'How could they pick such a hotel?' Hmmm. Now I know. |
| 27165 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4216 |
Pam |
Mema. |
| 27166 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Michael |
That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it. |
| 27167 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Jim |
I can't believe it was me. |
| 27168 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Michael |
I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me. |
| 27169 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Jim |
Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things? |
| 27170 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Michael |
I have not found that to be the case. |
| 27171 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Pam |
Hey, smooth guys. |
| 27172 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Jim |
I'm so sorry. |
| 27173 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Michael |
Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me. |
| 27174 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Pam |
Mema's not coming to the wedding. She's leaving tomorrow morning. |
| 27175 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Jim |
Oh, my God. Are you serious? |
| 27176 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4217 |
Michael |
There's gonna be a free room? |
| 27177 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4218 |
Michael |
Hi, Mema. It's Michael. |
| 27178 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4218 |
Mema |
Oh. You're that foul guy that kept talking about intercourse. |
| 27179 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4218 |
Michael |
Yes. Yep. One in the same. May I? |
| 27180 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4219 |
Michael |
I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma... and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she's better than everybody. |
| 27181 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
I want to go to bed but I can't. I can't turn that television off. |
| 27182 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
Oh. Ok. Well... hook you up, there. |
| 27183 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
Oh. Thank you. |
| 27184 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
You're welcome. |
| 27185 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
It was that horrible Charlie Rose. |
| 27186 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? Here's the thing. Umm... Mema, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. And women have s*x before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have s*x and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That's part of life. |
| 27187 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
People are like cats and dogs these days. |
| 27188 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
Exactly. |
| 27189 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
This used to be such a great country. |
| 27190 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 27191 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
I don't know what happened to it. |
| 27192 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
They're gonna name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Mema. |
| 27193 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Mema |
You mean, Sylvia. |
| 27194 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4220 |
Michael |
Yes, and if it's a boy they will call it Sylvio. |
| 27195 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4221 |
Andy |
Partay. Room 639. |
| 27196 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4221 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 27197 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4221 |
Andy |
Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models. |
| 27198 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4221 |
Kevin |
That sounds epic. Can we bring anything? |
| 27199 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4221 |
Andy |
Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 'Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo! |
| 27200 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4222 |
Andy |
No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down. |
| 27201 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4223 |
Andy |
If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don't tell anyone that I said that, 'cause I want them to come. |
| 27202 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Angela |
And where do you think you're going? |
| 27203 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Pam |
I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit. |
| 27204 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Angela |
Well, why don't I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead? |
| 27205 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Pam |
I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while. |
| 27206 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Angela |
Mmm-hmm. Ok. I'll go with you. Come on. |
| 27207 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Pam |
Nevermind. |
| 27208 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Angela |
Are you sure? |
| 27209 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 27210 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Angela |
It'll be fun. |
| 27211 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4224 |
Pam |
No. |
| 27212 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4225 |
Michael |
What are you wearing? |
| 27213 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4225 |
Dwight |
What? It's a casual, social outfit. |
| 27214 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4225 |
Michael |
Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. |
| 27215 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4225 |
Dwight |
No. They're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women because of the howling during s*x. |
| 27216 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4225 |
Michael |
Ok. That's not appropriate. Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. Ok. Ok. Come on. Let's go. |
| 27217 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4226 |
Kevin |
It's a good idea. |
| 27218 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4226 |
Oscar |
It's not a good idea. There's no such thing as a good hairpiece. |
| 27219 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4226 |
Kevin |
Yeah. But that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice. |
| 27220 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4227 |
Dwight |
I'm just worried about the farm, ya know? Mose hates to geld the horses by himself. |
| 27221 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4227 |
Michael |
Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm. |
| 27222 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4227 |
Isabel |
Wait. You're worried about your horses? That's cool. How many horses do you have? |
| 27223 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4227 |
Dwight |
Nine and three-quarters. |
| 27224 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4228 |
Dwight |
I invented a device called 'Burger on the Go'. It allows you to obtain 6 regular size hamburgers, or 12 sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it. Sharper Image is still considering it. Sky Mall's considering it. Hammacher Schlemer is still considering it. Sears said, 'No'. |
| 27225 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Michael |
Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar. |
| 27226 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Dwight |
Michael. |
| 27227 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 27228 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Dwight |
Drop this one. Abort. |
| 27229 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 27230 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Dwight |
I found twins. |
| 27231 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4229 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. Twins. I'm sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you. |
| 27232 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4230 |
Dwight |
Aren't they magnificent? |
| 27233 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4230 |
Michael |
They're men, Dwight. |
| 27234 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4230 |
Dwight |
I love finding a good set of twins. |
| 27235 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4230 |
Michael |
Something is wrong with you. |
| 27236 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Erin |
Go Meredith. Nice moves. |
| 27237 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Andy |
You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, ok? Like this. |
| 27238 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Kelly |
Lame! What else you got, Andy? |
| 27239 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Andy |
How about a little bit of this. |
| 27240 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Erin |
Oh yeah. What else you got? |
| 27241 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Kevin |
What else you got? |
| 27242 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Andy |
Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbin? Because I feel like a banana split. Woo! |
| 27243 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4231 |
Erin |
What else you got? |
| 27244 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4232 |
Kevin |
It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. Pam's here. Pam? |
| 27245 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4232 |
Andy |
I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket. |
| 27246 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4232 |
Pam |
What? |
| 27247 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4232 |
Andy |
I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital. |
| 27248 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Andy, I am getting married in 8 hours. |
| 27249 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Andy |
Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here. |
| 27250 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Hey, hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital? |
| 27251 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
What? |
| 27252 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
He tore his scrotum dancing. |
| 27253 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
What? |
| 27254 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
He is in my room icing his balls. |
| 27255 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
What? |
| 27256 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Please stop saying what. Can you take him? |
| 27257 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
Look, I would so take him in any other circumstance, but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted. |
| 27258 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Your brothers took you out drinking? |
| 27259 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
Uh... |
| 27260 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Michael |
Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly. |
| 27261 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
That's Michael. You're out with Michael? |
| 27262 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
And Dwight. |
| 27263 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Dwight |
Hey-O! |
| 27264 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
Pam, it just happened. |
| 27265 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Okay, fine. I'll take him. |
| 27266 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
I love you. Okay, I gotta--I gotta go! |
| 27267 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Michael |
I love you! |
| 27268 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Are you pushing me off the phone? |
| 27269 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Jim |
No. Let's talk for a long time. |
| 27270 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4233 |
Pam |
Goodbye. |
| 27271 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Michael |
Mmm! It's after midnight. |
| 27272 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Michael, Dwight |
You're married. He's married! |
| 27273 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Dwight |
Congratulations. |
| 27274 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Jim |
That's not how that works. |
| 27275 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Dwight |
Oh my goodness. |
| 27276 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Michael |
Oh my God. You're not going to be able to talk back. |
| 27277 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Dwight |
You'll have Pam to answer to. |
| 27278 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Michael |
She'll be sitting home saying, "Jim... take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons." "And... and clip my toenails." |
| 27279 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Dwight |
"Jim... hey why don't you braid my hair. I want to watch TV." |
| 27280 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4234 |
Michael |
Now you sound like Kermit. |
| 27281 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Andy |
Are you sure this is the right way? |
| 27282 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Pam |
Nope. I, like you, have never been here before. |
| 27283 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Andy |
Well, at least slow down a little bit because every little bump in the road is major pain on... my scrotum. |
| 27284 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Pam |
Look, I'm not the one who asked you to do a split when you've never done one before. |
| 27285 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Andy |
I was trying to liven things up a little bit. I was kinda doing your job so-- |
| 27286 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Pam |
My job? My job is to get married in the morning. That's my job. |
| 27287 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Andy |
Well it's also to make sure that we have a great time at your stupid wedding, so-- |
| 27288 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4235 |
Andy |
Ow, ow! |
| 27289 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4236 |
Andy |
I spent the night with the bride the night before the wedding. Ah yeah. She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom. |
| 27290 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4236 |
Pam |
Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night? |
| 27291 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4236 |
Andy |
No. No that was real. |
| 27292 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4237 |
Michael |
Why don't you take a picture. It'll last longer. God. Can't I get a little privacy? |
| 27293 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Employee |
Good morning. How can I help you? |
| 27294 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven't been returned yet. |
| 27295 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Employee |
You must be Mr. Malone. One moment please. |
| 27296 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 27297 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Employee |
Sir. It's the man with the shoes. |
| 27298 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Manager |
Mr. Malone. Your shoes are gone. |
| 27299 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
They were stolen? |
| 27300 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Manager |
No. Destroyed. |
| 27301 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
What? |
| 27302 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Manager |
The bag was opened by our shoe shine and the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually. |
| 27303 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
But that was my only pair of shoes. |
| 27304 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Manager |
It became a safety issue, sir. |
| 27305 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
Well... well damn-it. |
| 27306 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Hotel Employee |
I can offer you a complimentary breakfast. |
| 27307 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4238 |
Kevin |
Okay. |
| 27308 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
You have everything? |
| 27309 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Isabel |
Hmm-hmm. |
| 27310 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
Cell phone? Charger? |
| 27311 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Isabel |
Yeah. So you sure you don't want breakfast? It's the most important meal of the day. |
| 27312 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
It really is. I'm not hungry. I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam on the morning of her wedding. She needs you Isabel. |
| 27313 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Isabel |
That's really sweet, Dwight. So I'll see you at the wedding? |
| 27314 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
You know it. |
| 27315 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Isabel |
K. |
| 27316 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
Okay, get out of here. |
| 27317 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Isabel |
Bye. |
| 27318 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 27319 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Michael |
Hey, good morning. It's about damn time. I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit. |
| 27320 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4239 |
Dwight |
Really? I hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots. |
| 27321 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
How can you eat like that? |
| 27322 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
I'm ravenous after a night of love making. You? |
| 27323 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
Yeah, I'm hungry, but I'm not going to make a pig out of myself. |
| 27324 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
Hey, what was she like? |
| 27325 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger. |
| 27326 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
Brides side or grooms side? Or townie? |
| 27327 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
She was from Europe. |
| 27328 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
No kidding. |
| 27329 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
Uh-huh. |
| 27330 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
I bet she had hairy armpits. |
| 27331 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
No. |
| 27332 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere. |
| 27333 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me? |
| 27334 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 27335 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
She's Pam's best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe? |
| 27336 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
Oh please. Put a gun in my mouth. |
| 27337 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
No... you're crazy. |
| 27338 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
Look. She's a dental hygienist from Carbondale and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass. |
| 27339 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
She's-- okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they're not scared when the dentist comes in. It-- it-- |
| 27340 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Dwight |
You should ask her out. |
| 27341 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4240 |
Michael |
I already have my European girlfriend. |
| 27342 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4241 |
Stanley |
If your hat hits me in the face one more time-- |
| 27343 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4241 |
Phyllis |
That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. |
| 27344 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4242 |
Angela |
Oh my God. |
| 27345 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4242 |
Oscar |
Oh... |
| 27346 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4242 |
Kevin |
Oscar. Angela. |
| 27347 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Erin |
Are you in a lot of pain? |
| 27348 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Andy |
Oh cause of last night? No way. Reports have been exaggerated. Weddings make me very emotional. I um--I just have that side to me. |
| 27349 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Erin |
People say you cry all the time. |
| 27350 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Andy |
Well that's not-- |
| 27351 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Meredith |
Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me. |
| 27352 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Andy |
I wasn't telling you. |
| 27353 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Meredith |
Is there still something there? |
| 27354 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Andy |
Excuse me? |
| 27355 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Meredith |
It didn't get torn off? |
| 27356 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4243 |
Andy |
No, it didn't--nothing got torn off. Who told you that? |
| 27357 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4244 |
Jim |
I may have told some people that. I'm nervous. I'm about to get married. |
| 27358 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4245 |
Erin |
If you want to sit on this-- I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged pen1s. Make it softer. |
| 27359 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4245 |
Andy |
It was my scrotum. Um, and it was. Thank you. |
| 27360 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4245 |
Michael |
Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know... I give them cash every week, so-- how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me. |
| 27361 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4246 |
Dwight |
I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs. |
| 27362 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Penny |
Is it zipping over your belly? Don't squish the baby. |
| 27363 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
Thank you weirdo. |
| 27364 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam's mom |
everybody see Kristie's stupid blonde extensions? It's like they were made from a plastic broom. |
| 27365 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
Okay, here I come. |
| 27366 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam's mom |
Oh darling! You look beautiful. |
| 27367 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
Thanks mom. |
| 27368 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam's mom |
Oh, I hope he deserves you. |
| 27369 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
He does. |
| 27370 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam's mom |
Are you sure? Remember you don't have to do this. You don't. |
| 27371 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Penny |
Mom, you're totally projecting. You're being a drag. |
| 27372 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
Yes. Thank you, mom. |
| 27373 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Isabel |
Hey, I'm going to go outside and talk to Dwight. |
| 27374 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4247 |
Pam |
Okay great. Yeah, I'll see you in a second. Wait, what? Oh! Oh no! |
| 27375 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4248 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 27376 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4248 |
Pam |
Can you come here please? |
| 27377 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4248 |
Jim |
Is this allowed? |
| 27378 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4248 |
Pam |
No. No, but I'm allowing it. Just come here. |
| 27379 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Dwight |
That was an intelligent comment. |
| 27380 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Isabel |
Hello stranger. How do I look? |
| 27381 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Dwight |
Oh. Fine. Isabel, nice to see you. What do you want? |
| 27382 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Isabel |
Um... nothing. Anymore. |
| 27383 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Dwight |
So, uh tell me again the difference between Filene's and Filene's basement. |
| 27384 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Michael |
Hey, hey... He's not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy? |
| 27385 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Isabel |
I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid. |
| 27386 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4249 |
Michael |
Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go? |
| 27387 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 27388 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Jim |
Wow. You look-- |
| 27389 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
Terrible. |
| 27390 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Jim |
So beautiful. Hey-- |
| 27391 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted or high heels-- |
| 27392 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Jim |
Hey. You look just as I imagined you would. Pam, you're so pretty. |
| 27393 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 27394 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Jim |
And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right? |
| 27395 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
No, this was the one thing I was supposed to be able to control, was this veil and-- |
| 27396 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Jim |
There. Now we're even. |
| 27397 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4250 |
Pam |
Everyone's driving me crazy. I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. And my mom won't stop freaking out about my dad's new girlfriend. This is supposed to be our wedding day. Why did we invite all these people? |
| 27398 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4251 |
Phyllis |
I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down she wouldn't be a good wife. |
| 27399 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4251 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 27400 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4252 |
Oscar |
What are you doing? |
| 27401 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4252 |
Kevin |
I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. |
| 27402 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4252 |
Oscar |
How long do you take to pee? |
| 27403 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4252 |
Kevin |
The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on. |
| 27404 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Michael |
Hey. Hi. Do you--would you have a snack in your purse? You're a mom. I just figured you might have-- |
| 27405 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Pam's mom |
Oh, yeah-- |
| 27406 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Michael |
Oh! Eww... apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or-- |
| 27407 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Pam's mom |
No. |
| 27408 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Michael |
Oh... okay. Were you saving it? |
| 27409 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Pam's mom |
Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. I was just--I've had a very rough weekend. |
| 27410 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4253 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes. |
| 27411 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4254 |
Erin |
Do you think they canceled the wedding? |
| 27412 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4254 |
Angela |
Relax. You'll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970's key party. |
| 27413 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
my weekend was bad so far. |
| 27414 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Pam's mom |
Oh-- |
| 27415 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm. |
| 27416 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Pam's mom |
Oh that sounds awful. |
| 27417 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
And... and the love of my life is dating somebody else. |
| 27418 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Pam's mom |
Oh-- |
| 27419 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
It is a terrible year for love. |
| 27420 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Pam's mom |
Yeah. Guess it is. |
| 27421 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
I'm thinking about having my sperm frozen. |
| 27422 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Tom Halpert |
Excuse me, are you Michael Scott? |
| 27423 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
Um, yeah. |
| 27424 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Tom Halpert |
Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you. |
| 27425 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Pete |
Sisters in the can and we totally want to get her when she comes back. |
| 27426 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Michael |
Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. There you go. Use it in good health. |
| 27427 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4255 |
Tom, Pete |
Yes! |
| 27428 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Meredith |
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing? |
| 27429 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Stanley |
Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster? |
| 27430 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Kevin |
Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs? |
| 27431 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Stanley |
No. |
| 27432 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Kevin |
Who would want it? |
| 27433 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4256 |
Oscar |
Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time before we start grabbing boxes. |
| 27434 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4257 |
Dwight |
Toby. |
| 27435 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4257 |
Toby |
What? |
| 27436 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4257 |
Dwight |
I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour. |
| 27437 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4257 |
Dwight |
Crap. Come here you. |
| 27438 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4257 |
Toby |
Well I guess this weddings not going to happen. I wonder if this is it for them. |
| 27439 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Pam's dad |
Hey. What happened? |
| 27440 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Ryan |
Where were you guys? Do you know how long I've been waiting here? |
| 27441 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Jim |
Well we are here now, so let's just-- |
| 27442 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Michael |
Yes! Yes! I have so much joy... in my heart... right now. How do I look? |
| 27443 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Jim |
You look great. |
| 27444 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4258 |
Pam |
You look great. |
| 27445 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4259 |
Tom Halpert |
Wear a tie much? |
| 27446 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Penny |
I begged them not to. |
| 27447 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 27448 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Penny |
I know you specifically put this song on your Do Not Play list. |
| 27449 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Pam |
Yes I did. |
| 27450 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Penny |
I'm sorry. |
| 27451 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Pam |
Go ahead. I think it's your turn. |
| 27452 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Penny |
Wait, what happened? You're okay with this? |
| 27453 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'm okay. |
| 27454 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Penny |
Okay then! |
| 27455 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Michael |
Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube. |
| 27456 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4260 |
Pam |
Saw it. |
| 27457 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4261 |
Jim |
I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that You Tube video. I knew we'd need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her. |
| 27458 |
6 |
4 |
Niagara (Parts 1&2) |
4262 |
Kevin |
What an awesome party. The best wedding I've ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can't even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel. |
| 27459 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
The fundamentals of business. The funda-mentals of business. "Mental" is part of the word, I have underlined it. Because you're mental, if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it. |
| 27460 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Toby |
Well the "fun" is in it. |
| 27461 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Get out. |
| 27462 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Toby |
Yeah, I know. |
| 27463 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Yes. So, it all starts with a handshake. But you can't just go right to the selling, you need "small talk." What topics can you use for small talk? |
| 27464 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Andy |
Golf. |
| 27465 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Mmhm. |
| 27466 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Andy |
Stock market. |
| 27467 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Mmhm. |
| 27468 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Andy |
Dave Matthews. |
| 27469 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Yes, what else? |
| 27470 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Creed |
Uh, small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes... |
| 27471 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
No. |
| 27472 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Meredith |
The weekend! |
| 27473 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Yeah! That's good! Come on up! Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I have just started conversing and I will say, "So Meredith, how was your weekend, what did you do?" |
| 27474 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Meredith |
Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet. |
| 27475 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
All right... |
| 27476 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Meredith |
He calls it an upper decker. |
| 27477 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. God. What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with. |
| 27478 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Ryan |
Then do it. |
| 27479 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Michael |
What? |
| 27480 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4263 |
Ryan |
Write a book. |
| 27481 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4264 |
Michael |
The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible, I'm not surprised. Chapter one. The businessman... |
| 27482 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Erin |
Mr. Grotti, this is Michael Scott. He's the person you should talk to. |
| 27483 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Michael |
Oh hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper, do you have any idea how valuable my time is? |
| 27484 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Erin |
In your schedule it just says nine til noon is "creative space" and I thought this could be part of that. |
| 27485 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Michael |
Do you know how creative space works? Okay I just cancelled my afternoon. |
| 27486 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Erin |
You don't have anything in the afternoon. It just says "free play." |
| 27487 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Michael |
Push free play til tomorrow morning. Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made. |
| 27488 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Grotti |
Ah. |
| 27489 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4265 |
Michael |
Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage. |
| 27490 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Grotti |
As a manager of business, you have a lot of pride. |
| 27491 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Michael |
Mmhm. |
| 27492 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Grotti |
But you also got a lot of responsibility |
| 27493 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 27494 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Grotti |
None greater perhaps, than your need to be sure, that your small or large business is secure in the event of a covered loss. |
| 27495 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4266 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27496 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4267 |
Michael |
There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman, than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player. |
| 27497 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4268 |
Kevin |
Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day I came in and I just stayed. Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks. |
| 27498 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Andy |
What do you think? |
| 27499 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Dwight |
I think you're right. It definitely looks suspicious. And his southern Italian heritage raises some flags. |
| 27500 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Grotti |
God forbid you... should have a fire in the warehouse. |
| 27501 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Oh yup. Yeah, definitely. All that paper burning up. |
| 27502 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Grotti |
Yeah, and a truck, goes off the side of the road, there's injury. |
| 27503 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Mmhm, I hear you. The truck. |
| 27504 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Grotti |
You will be hearing from me Mr. Scott. |
| 27505 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Okay, well. |
| 27506 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Grotti |
I can be very very persistent. |
| 27507 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Do your worst. |
| 27508 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Oh, great. |
| 27509 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Grotti |
Would you look at that people? What an unpredictable world we live in, huh? |
| 27510 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4269 |
Michael |
Mmhm. |
| 27511 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Andy |
What happened in there? |
| 27512 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
Nothing, other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman. |
| 27513 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Dwight |
Did he threaten you? |
| 27514 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
No Dwight, not everything is a threat. |
| 27515 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Andy |
Mobsters are! |
| 27516 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
There is no such things as monsters. |
| 27517 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Andy |
He drives an SUV! |
| 27518 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Dwight |
I knew it! More trunk space. Or should I say, corpse space. |
| 27519 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Oscar |
Hey guys, I drive a SUV, does that mean I'm in the mob? |
| 27520 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Dwight |
No, not that, by itself. But look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster. |
| 27521 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? The guy was trying to sell me insurance. |
| 27522 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Andy |
All mobsters have a front, sometimes it's selling insurance, sometimes it's waste management or sanitation. |
| 27523 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Oscar |
For the record, not all Italian-Americans are in the Mafia. |
| 27524 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
I think, he just seemed like he was just trying to sell me insurance. |
| 27525 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Andy |
Yeah, buy my insurance or I'll burn your warehouse down! |
| 27526 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Dwight |
Exactly. |
| 27527 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Michael |
He did talk about a fire in the warehouse... and he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer. |
| 27528 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4270 |
Oscar |
Uhh. All right, who else is here? |
| 27529 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4271 |
Oscar |
Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon. So there's not the usual balance between "sane and others." Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The "coalition for reason" is extremely weak. |
| 27530 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4272 |
Toby |
Oscar says I checked out huh? Huh. |
| 27531 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Michael |
Hey, hey hey, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think? |
| 27532 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Ryan |
Well first of all, there is no such thing as 'The Mafia.' |
| 27533 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27534 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Ryan |
What you have are specific families. What's the guy's last name? |
| 27535 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Michael |
Um it is, Grotti. |
| 27536 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Andy, Dwight |
Oh no. Fabulous. |
| 27537 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Oscar |
What? What? |
| 27538 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Andy |
It's John Gotti, you idiot! |
| 27539 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Oscar |
It's, it's a completely different name! |
| 27540 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Phyllis |
So he won't get caught! |
| 27541 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Andy |
Yeah. It's pretty close. |
| 27542 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Oscar |
No, what are you talking about, what mobster would change his name from Gotti to Grotti. It weakens it. |
| 27543 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Dwight |
No I disagree. "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it "murder." And not "muck-duck." |
| 27544 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Michael |
Okay too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences. |
| 27545 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Dwight |
Lock your door! |
| 27546 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4273 |
Michael |
I'm not gonna lock my door. |
| 27547 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Jim |
Hello? |
| 27548 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Oscar |
Jim? It's Oscar. I'm so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon. |
| 27549 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Jim |
Oscar! Uh, what is going on? |
| 27550 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Oscar |
It's Michael, he thinks he's being shaken down by the mob. I don't know how you usually handle this. |
| 27551 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Jim |
Look, We're in Puerto Rico, so- |
| 27552 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Pam |
Hey Oscar. It's Pam. Hey. We're on our honeymoon. |
| 27553 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Oscar |
Pam, I'm sorry-- |
| 27554 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Pam |
Unless someone very close to us is in immediate physical danger, you should not be calling us. |
| 27555 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4274 |
Oscar |
You're right. You're right. Oh, okay bye. |
| 27556 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
It's Grotti. He's following up. |
| 27557 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Already? This, this guy is persistent! |
| 27558 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
"I feel that you will regret missing this great opportunity to be in business." |
| 27559 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
That's bad. |
| 27560 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 27561 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
That's bad. |
| 27562 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
Yeah. What are my options here? Do I just ignore it, or? |
| 27563 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Yeah right! You heard him! He's gonna burn down the warehouse or run one of our trucks off the road. |
| 27564 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
Okay, I'm calling the police. |
| 27565 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
That is the stupidest thing you could do right now! |
| 27566 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
He's right. Cops can't do anything until a crime has been reported. |
| 27567 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 27568 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Not only that, but if they find out you snitched, you get a dead horses chopped off head in your bed! |
| 27569 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
Shh! |
| 27570 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
You know what? |
| 27571 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
That's not gonna happen. |
| 27572 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
That's an exaggeration. |
| 27573 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
That's how it works! |
| 27574 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
What am I supposed to do here? |
| 27575 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. Okay you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back |
| 27576 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
I was thinking exactly the same thing. |
| 27577 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
No, criminals are like raccoons. Okay, you give 'em a taste of cat food pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat. |
| 27578 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Dwight... |
| 27579 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
The only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people. |
| 27580 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
I don't know, I don't know about that. |
| 27581 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Wait let's hear him out, this is interesting. |
| 27582 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place. Ask him to lunch or something like that, some place he can't be openly violent. |
| 27583 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 27584 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Dwight |
Let him know you're not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down. That you're stubborn. That you might even be a little bit dangerous. |
| 27585 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan. |
| 27586 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
Hold on, hold on! Just- |
| 27587 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
No, no, no. My plan is out! We do this the hard way. |
| 27588 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Michael |
All right. I will meet with him, but I'm not going alone. |
| 27589 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
Well you're gonna have to. Dwight: We'll be right beside you. |
| 27590 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4275 |
Andy |
What? |
| 27591 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Michael |
What are you wearing? Who's Pat? |
| 27592 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Andy |
Well if I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion, and I have to justify it somehow so, I'm a mechanic with a tire thing. |
| 27593 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Dwight |
Do you know how to use it? |
| 27594 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Andy |
To change tires, no. But it's metal, I can hit somebody with it. |
| 27595 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Michael |
Let's go, come on. God! |
| 27596 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Andy |
Should I change? |
| 27597 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Dwight |
You're wearing loafers! |
| 27598 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4276 |
Michael |
Forget it! Forget it! |
| 27599 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Michael |
Take that thing off the table! Please! |
| 27600 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Andy |
Well then I can't use it. I'm just gonna hide it. |
| 27601 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Dwight |
Hey. Bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except for this roach motel. |
| 27602 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Andy |
Oh! God! |
| 27603 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Michael |
Oh my God! |
| 27604 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Dwight |
You'll never kill it that way. You want to separate the head from the thorax- |
| 27605 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4277 |
Michael |
Guys, guys. Cool it. There he is, there he is. |
| 27606 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 27607 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Grotti |
Mr. Scott. |
| 27608 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Michael |
Mr. Grotti we meet again. These are my associates. |
| 27609 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Grotti |
Hi. Angelo Grotti. |
| 27610 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Andy |
Hi. |
| 27611 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 27612 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Grotti |
So, you got this table? |
| 27613 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 27614 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Grotti |
This is one of those half booths, can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing. |
| 27615 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Michael |
Well. |
| 27616 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Grotti |
Waitress, we're gonna sit over here. |
| 27617 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Waitress |
That's fine. |
| 27618 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4278 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27619 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Hello. |
| 27620 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Credit card rep |
Hello Mr. Halpert. I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. |
| 27621 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Oh man, do you think it was stolen? |
| 27622 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
First would you mind verifying your home address? |
| 27623 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Um, yes. Um, 383 Linden Ave., Scranton PA |
| 27624 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
And may I have the last four numbers of your Social Security Number? |
| 27625 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Six-six-five-zero. |
| 27626 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
Well Mr. Halpert. You're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico. |
| 27627 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Wait a minute. Yes I am. |
| 27628 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card. |
| 27629 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
No. That... I, I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. |
| 27630 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
Very funny sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. |
| 27631 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
No- |
| 27632 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Rep |
Have a nice day, and thank you! |
| 27633 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4279 |
Kevin |
Shoot. |
| 27634 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Grotti |
If you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. If you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. Ah, you seem like a nice guy. |
| 27635 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Dwight |
Oh he's not that nice. |
| 27636 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
That's not true. |
| 27637 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Andy |
Hmm. Very true. |
| 27638 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
Okay shut up. |
| 27639 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
Have you decided? |
| 27640 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Grotti |
Yeah, I'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back. |
| 27641 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
Okay then. And for you sir? |
| 27642 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
I will have the gabba-gool. |
| 27643 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
The... what? |
| 27644 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
The gabba-gool. |
| 27645 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
I don't really know what that is. |
| 27646 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Andy |
You know, gabba-gool. |
| 27647 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
I don't, I don't have to have that. |
| 27648 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Dwight |
What he's trying to say is, Gabba. Gool. |
| 27649 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
Guys, guys- |
| 27650 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
I don't really think that we have that. |
| 27651 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
That's okay. |
| 27652 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Dwight |
Bring him the gabba-gool! |
| 27653 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
Shh. I will have the spaghetti, with a side salad. |
| 27654 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Waitress |
Okay. |
| 27655 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4280 |
Michael |
If the salad is on top, I send it back. |
| 27656 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Oscar |
Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards? |
| 27657 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Kevin |
I usually can think quick on my feet, but they were so fast on the phone. |
| 27658 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Oscar |
This constitutes identity fraud. |
| 27659 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Kevin |
Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail Oscar. I'm not like you. |
| 27660 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Oscar |
What's that supposed to mean? |
| 27661 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Kevin |
Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would love jail. |
| 27662 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Oscar |
Why would I love jail? |
| 27663 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4281 |
Kevin |
Because... You would love it. |
| 27664 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
I don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So I am out. |
| 27665 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Grotti |
Look closely Michael. I feel there's a plan here for you. |
| 27666 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Andy |
Maybe we have a plan for you? |
| 27667 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Grotti |
How about you? Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. Anybody can get hurt! You always think, it can't happen to you, and Think about it. |
| 27668 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Woman |
Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. Are you a mechanic? |
| 27669 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Andy |
Yeeeeah. |
| 27670 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Woman |
My battery is dead, I've got my kid, can you please help? |
| 27671 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Andy |
Yes I can. |
| 27672 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
No, no no, no. Come on. I'm sorry, we're having our salad. |
| 27673 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Grotti |
Come on! Lady in distress? Go! Go! |
| 27674 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Andy |
Okay! |
| 27675 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Woman |
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. |
| 27676 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
Hey, do you need any help? |
| 27677 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Grotti |
I'm sure he can handle a simple jump-start. Now come on, sit down. |
| 27678 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
He's a good mechanic. |
| 27679 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Grotti |
Where were we? |
| 27680 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
I don't... |
| 27681 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Dwight |
He was trying to force you to decide on a policy. |
| 27682 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
Okay, okay okay. |
| 27683 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Dwight |
So we're choosing... |
| 27684 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
Yep, all right. |
| 27685 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Dwight |
Check out Dental? |
| 27686 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4282 |
Michael |
Put it down. |
| 27687 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4283 |
Andy |
Black goes on the red. With the... If we... Positive... Mo- it being a motor drive, it's probably down. |
| 27688 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4283 |
Kid |
He seems bad at this. |
| 27689 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4283 |
Andy |
You want to do this junior? I didn't think so. Sorry. It's kind of a long day at the... mechanic store. Aaaah! You got a leaky spark tube. |
| 27690 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4283 |
Woman |
What?!? |
| 27691 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4283 |
Andy |
So your car's totaled. Uh, you're just gonna want to get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it. He's great. But uh, I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles. |
| 27692 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Grotti |
Now if you could just sign this letter of intent, I'll bring this back to my boss, and we can get this in motion. You okay, Pat? |
| 27693 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Andy |
Yeah. Just thinking about how, uh, I had this car, this Italian car, and I was driving it, and it kept telling me how much it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone and that's what I'm afraid of. |
| 27694 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Grotti |
Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in the car? |
| 27695 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Andy |
It was before, my tech- my technical training. |
| 27696 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Dwight |
Don't do it! |
| 27697 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Andy |
Do it. |
| 27698 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Dwight |
Don't. |
| 27699 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Andy |
Just do it. |
| 27700 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27701 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Grotti |
Look Mike, I don't know what your friends are telling you, but you have to decide for yourself. Are these guys gonna take care of your things if you die tomorrow? |
| 27702 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 27703 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4284 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27704 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Dwight |
I don't understand, why would you buy a policy? |
| 27705 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Michael |
It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. |
| 27706 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Andy |
You were man enough to back down Michael, I'm proud of you. |
| 27707 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Michael |
I had to make a snap decision Dwight. |
| 27708 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Dwight |
It wasn't a snap decision, you were sitting there for an hour. |
| 27709 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Michael |
It was a lot of snap decisions. |
| 27710 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Dwight |
Do you know what "snap decision" means? |
| 27711 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Michael |
Yes! |
| 27712 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Dwight |
It means like this. |
| 27713 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4285 |
Michael |
Just get in the car. |
| 27714 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
Hello? |
| 27715 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Jim? |
| 27716 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
Michael? |
| 27717 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Oh thank God. |
| 27718 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
How did you get this number? Michael, we're on a catamaran. |
| 27719 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
It wasn't easy. I had to tell the hotel it was a medical emergency. I chose massive coronary, cause you told me that your Dad had a bad heart. Listen man, I, I got a problem, I think I'm in trouble with the mob. Or a major insurance carrier. |
| 27720 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
That sounds bad. |
| 27721 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know and you usually can get out of stuff like this, so I'm turning to you my friend. |
| 27722 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
I'm gonna help you through it all right? |
| 27723 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Okay! |
| 27724 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
All you're gonna need to and- it- and then go to-- |
| 27725 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Jim? Are you? |
| 27726 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
And then you'll be saved. |
| 27727 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
What? Wait, I didn't hear a thing you just said. |
| 27728 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
Just and then you'll be saved. |
| 27729 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
No! God! I missed, I missed the important part again! |
| 27730 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
A- ah-- |
| 27731 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
No! Oh my God! |
| 27732 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
And you'll be saved. |
| 27733 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
No, Jim please, repeat what you're saying! I can't understand you! |
| 27734 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Jim |
I at the Bermuda Triangle. An- M- please don't call again. |
| 27735 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4286 |
Michael |
Jim?!? Oh my God. |
| 27736 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4287 |
Michael |
Hey uh, question for you. I recently purchased some insurance that I can't afford given my present salary. Is there anything accounting-wise I can do to sort of make it all go away? |
| 27737 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4287 |
Oscar |
Accounting-wise, no. But phone-wise, just call up and cancel it. |
| 27738 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4287 |
Michael |
Oh no. Um. What about this Cash For Clunkers thing? |
| 27739 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4287 |
Oscar |
Just- no. No. |
| 27740 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4287 |
Michael |
All right. Well, it was a thought. Thanks. |
| 27741 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
We have let Michael down, and it's 85 percent your fault. |
| 27742 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
He's alive. So you're welcome. |
| 27743 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Not on the inside he's not. Look at his life! Broke! Living in fear! No friends, dead end job. |
| 27744 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
Yeah, some of that existed before. |
| 27745 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Not the living in fear, that's new. |
| 27746 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
You're right, that is new. |
| 27747 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Yes. He's got to stand up to this mafia guy. |
| 27748 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
Well I don't see that happening. |
| 27749 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Me neither. Not the way things are now. But what if Michael felt no fear toward the mafia guy? |
| 27750 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
Are you saying- |
| 27751 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Yeah... |
| 27752 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
That we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain? |
| 27753 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
What is wrong with you? I am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not mafia! |
| 27754 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Andy |
That seems a little far-fetched. |
| 27755 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4288 |
Dwight |
Well more far-fetched than a mobster walking into a paper company for a low-level shakedown? And that happened. |
| 27756 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Dwight |
Michael. Incredible news. Grotti is clean. |
| 27757 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Michael |
No. He's not. He's just good. Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works. |
| 27758 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Andy |
No, Michael. What we're trying to say is, we made a mistake assuming he was mafia. I have a buddy who's a Fed, and we did a background check on the guy. His background is perfectly clean. |
| 27759 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Dwight |
It's true, he's clean. I have a couple of friends still on the force. Checked with them. Ran his Fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. Sweetest guy on the force really. |
| 27760 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Andy |
Class act. Boy scout. |
| 27761 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Michael |
But Grotti acts like he's mafia though. |
| 27762 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Andy |
He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. He's just a pushy salesman. |
| 27763 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4289 |
Dwight |
And he made us all look like chumps! |
| 27764 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4290 |
Michael |
If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se. But I would just get really quiet, all of a sudden. |
| 27765 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
This is Grotti. |
| 27766 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
This is Scott. |
| 27767 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
Oh! Great. Michael, I'm finishing up your paperwork right now. |
| 27768 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
Oh really? Is that supposed to scare me? |
| 27769 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
I, I thought you'd be pleased. |
| 27770 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
Well you thought wrong. Because I am not pleased. I'm actually kind of PO'd. |
| 27771 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
What? |
| 27772 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
I think you know exactly why, because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance. |
| 27773 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
I don't get it. How was I scaring you? |
| 27774 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
I think you knew exactly what you were doing. And frankly I think you were being a total and utter jerk. |
| 27775 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Andy |
Whoa. Okay. |
| 27776 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
You suck! |
| 27777 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Dwight |
Okay that's- |
| 27778 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
And I'm not gonna buy your stupid insurance. |
| 27779 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Dwight |
That's good, let's wrap it up. |
| 27780 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
How about that? The only person that actually needs insurance is you, if you show your face around here again, got it? |
| 27781 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Grotti |
Look, Michael, when we all calm down here, maybe at some point in the future, you change your mind, why don't you give me a call? |
| 27782 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
Doubt it. |
| 27783 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Dwight |
Oh man. |
| 27784 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
What a tool. What? |
| 27785 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Andy |
Next time you look in the mirror, you're gonna be looking at a guy who stood down the mafia! |
| 27786 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
No. What do you mean? |
| 27787 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Dwight |
We just told you he wasn't mafia, so you wouldn't be scared. |
| 27788 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
What? |
| 27789 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Dwight |
You successfully backed down the mob! |
| 27790 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Andy |
You made the mafia apologize to you! You made the mafia be polite! |
| 27791 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4291 |
Michael |
Oh man. I should be mad at you guys. But I'm not. |
| 27792 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
So I looked him in the eye and I said, "Not today Grotti, Not today. And not tomorrow, and not the next day. Or the day after that. And you can tell all your friends that if I see them, then they're already dead." I said something like that. |
| 27793 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Dwight |
Very close. |
| 27794 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Oscar |
Just to be clear, he backed down an insurance agent from Mutual of Harrisburg. |
| 27795 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
Erin? |
| 27796 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Erin |
Yes? |
| 27797 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
Coffee? |
| 27798 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 27799 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
Not from the kitchen. Stop and Shop. If it's not Stop and Shop, I send it back. |
| 27800 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 27801 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra large I send it back. |
| 27802 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Erin |
How do you return coffee? |
| 27803 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4292 |
Michael |
Go. Any questions? |
| 27804 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Pam |
Are you kidding me? |
| 27805 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Kevin |
Hi Pam, is Jim there? |
| 27806 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Pam |
Listen our credit card has been cancelled and we have to deal with that, and I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here! |
| 27807 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Kevin |
Okay, that sounds good. Um, I'll let you go, just -tell Jim, that I said hi. |
| 27808 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Pam |
Oh I will. I will Kevin. I will make that my top priority. |
| 27809 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4293 |
Kevin |
Cool. Okay. Bye. |
| 27810 |
6 |
6 |
Mafia |
4294 |
Kevin |
They have no idea what happened. |
| 27811 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Erin |
They're back! |
| 27812 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Kevin |
Oooh yeah... Jim and Pam! |
| 27813 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Kelly |
How was Puerto Rico? Was it so romantic? |
| 27814 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Jim |
It was. |
| 27815 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Pam |
It really was. |
| 27816 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Jim |
Really was. |
| 27817 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4295 |
Kelly |
I'm so happy for you... |
| 27818 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4296 |
Jim |
Puerto Rico was awesome. |
| 27819 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4296 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh. The honeymoon was great. We met this other couple at the resort, Frank and Benny. We hung out with them a lot. |
| 27820 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4296 |
Jim |
Frank and Beans. Always makes her laugh. |
| 27821 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4296 |
Pam |
Frank and beans! |
| 27822 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
Is there someone there? Who is there? I hear voices, is somebody there? |
| 27823 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 27824 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
Is someone there? I can't see you because I'm blind. |
| 27825 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Dwight |
Its Jim and Pam, Michael. |
| 27826 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
It is? |
| 27827 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Dwight |
Yeah... |
| 27828 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
They're back? Oh! Oh! Oh, Pam! |
| 27829 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 27830 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
And oh, Jim... |
| 27831 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Pam |
Hi, Michael. |
| 27832 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4297 |
Michael |
Oh, I haven't see you since my accident that I had when I fell- I fell into the pool of acid, eyes first. Blind guy. |
| 27833 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4298 |
Michael |
Blind-guy McSqueezy. How do I describe it? It is a character I've been workshopping whose lack of vision gets him into all sorts of trouble. The women in my improve class absolutely hate him. |
| 27834 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Meredith |
So what'd you bring us? |
| 27835 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Pam |
Some candy. |
| 27836 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Meredith |
What else? |
| 27837 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Pam |
That's it. |
| 27838 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Meredith |
Oh, 'cause you spent so much on the wedding. |
| 27839 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4299 |
Pam |
It's good to be home. |
| 27840 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4300 |
Dwight |
This conversation has two items on the agenda. |
| 27841 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4300 |
Jim |
Do we have a conversation scheduled? |
| 27842 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4300 |
Dwight |
Number one, do not leave your things on my desk. It's not some kind of personal pen receptacle for you. I don't care how high they promote you, which brings me to item number two... I never formally congratulated you on your promotion, so I'd just like to say... con-quack-ulations! |
| 27843 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4300 |
Jim |
Wow, that's... really thoughtful of you, Dwight, thank you. |
| 27844 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4300 |
Dwight |
You're welcome! |
| 27845 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4301 |
Dwight |
I inserted a listening device into the belly of the mallard. Now I can observe Jim, trap Jim, and destroy Jim, just like in the Bavarian fairy tale. Only this time, the mallard skins the toad alive. And of course in this version you lose the whole veiled critique of the Kaiser thing. |
| 27846 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4302 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry to have been bugging you all these years. |
| 27847 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4302 |
Jim |
It's a real handsome duck. |
| 27848 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4302 |
Dwight |
Mallard. Okay, I'll get out of your hair. |
| 27849 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 27850 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Erin |
Hi! |
| 27851 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Pam |
Uh, we brought back some Puerto Rican candy. |
| 27852 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Erin |
Coco Leche! That's my favorite! |
| 27853 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Pam |
Awesome! I'll leave it up here so everyone can enjoy it. |
| 27854 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Erin |
Oh, um, let me just check with Michael first. |
| 27855 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Pam |
I think it'll be okay. |
| 27856 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Erin |
I think it will too, but I'll just check with him, though. |
| 27857 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 27858 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4303 |
Erin |
Oops, sorry. Oops. |
| 27859 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
I have recently taken a lover. |
| 27860 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Well, that's great. Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady? |
| 27861 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Pam's mom. |
| 27862 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
What? |
| 27863 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Pam's mom, Helene. Remember from your wedding? |
| 27864 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
You're messing with me. |
| 27865 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
About what? |
| 27866 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
You did not have s*x with Pam's mom. |
| 27867 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Oh, big time. |
| 27868 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
What kind of car does she drive? |
| 27869 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
She drives a green camry. |
| 27870 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
And the seats go all the way down. All the way down. |
| 27871 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Oh my God. Oh my God. |
| 27872 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
What? |
| 27873 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Okay, never tell Pam, and secondly- |
| 27874 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Okay, good, a pact. A pact. Although I may have to break it tonight when Helene and I tell Pam over dinner. You alright? |
| 27875 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Oh my God. |
| 27876 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Toby |
Hey, Jim. |
| 27877 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Not now, Toby, my God! |
| 27878 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Toby |
Oh, Jesus! |
| 27879 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Get the hell out of here, idiot. |
| 27880 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Toby |
What did I do? |
| 27881 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Okay, as far as dinner tonight, cancel that, and please, for both our sakes, never, ever, ever see her again. |
| 27882 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
I think you're underestimating Pam. I think more than anything, she wants me to be happy. |
| 27883 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
No, not more than anything. |
| 27884 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Okay, I have a good thing with the mom- |
| 27885 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Don't call her "the mom." |
| 27886 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
She's right on my way home from work. |
| 27887 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Then take a different way home, man! |
| 27888 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
I di- alright, I'll take surface streets, its- the last thing in the world I would want to do is upset Pam. |
| 27889 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Jim |
Okay, so we're good. |
| 27890 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4304 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 27891 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4305 |
Michael |
Can you change my dinner reservations from four people to two? |
| 27892 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4305 |
Erin |
Sure. Oh, is it okay if I put out some candy that Pam brought back from Puerto Rico? |
| 27893 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4305 |
Michael |
Sure. Thanks for asking. |
| 27894 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4305 |
Erin |
Pam, we're all set. Yum. |
| 27895 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Jim |
Frank and beans! |
| 27896 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Pam |
Frank and beans! So what'd we decide for Michael, the bottle of rum, or the seashell alarm clock? |
| 27897 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Jim |
You know what? Can I have the weekend to decide? |
| 27898 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Pam |
Bottle of rum it is. Alright, shall we? |
| 27899 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Jim |
You know what, I am really slammed, trying to catch up on everything here and I know that Michael's slammed too. So, maybe we should do this when things are a little less crazy. |
| 27900 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Pam |
Come on, it'll take two seconds. |
| 27901 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4306 |
Jim |
No, it- |
| 27902 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Oh, wow. |
| 27903 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
That is amazing. I feel like a real Puerto Rican. |
| 27904 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Erin |
Michael, you're all set at Botticelli's. I changed the reservation to two people. |
| 27905 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Erin, look. |
| 27906 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Erin |
Fun! |
| 27907 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 27908 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Wow, Botticelli's, that sounds like a special occasion. |
| 27909 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Yeah, no, it's nobody. |
| 27910 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
I don't know. I think Michael has a date. |
| 27911 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Hmm... no. |
| 27912 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
I think you have a date. |
| 27913 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
I don't. |
| 27914 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Come on. |
| 27915 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Uh, I think we should just drop it... 'cause obviously he doesn't want to talk about it. |
| 27916 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
I don't deserve this, guys. |
| 27917 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Yes, you do. |
| 27918 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
No, I don't. |
| 27919 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Just take the parrot. |
| 27920 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Okay, back to the old grind. |
| 27921 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
I was probably going to break up with her anyway. |
| 27922 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Oh, that's too bad. |
| 27923 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Don't- |
| 27924 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Pam, it is very complicated. There are a lot of moving parts here. |
| 27925 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Jim |
Sounds complicated. |
| 27926 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
It is. |
| 27927 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Yeah, but I mean, if you really like this person, then you should see where it goes. |
| 27928 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
You want me to be happy? |
| 27929 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Of course. |
| 27930 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
Part of the problem is, she is the mother of a close friend of mine. |
| 27931 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 27932 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
More than a friend, a co-worker. |
| 27933 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
Oh! Gossip, who is it? Who is it? Who is it, Michael? ...Who? |
| 27934 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Michael |
It's okay. |
| 27935 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4307 |
Pam |
No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Nooooo! |
| 27936 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4308 |
Michael |
That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset. |
| 27937 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Dwight |
You seem tense. Hey, you want me to give you the chills? |
| 27938 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 27939 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Dwight |
There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down, the yolk is running down... |
| 27940 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Michael |
Feels good. |
| 27941 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Dwight |
There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down... |
| 27942 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Michael |
I'm sleeping with Pam's mom. Sometimes, dinner. |
| 27943 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4309 |
Dwight |
...the blood is gushing down, the blood is gushing down... You know, I really would have appreciated a heads-up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine. |
| 27944 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4310 |
Pam |
How could you do this to me? He's my boss! How many times have I complained about him to you? No, I am not being dramatic, you are being crazy! |
| 27945 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4310 |
Jim |
Who wants a hot chocolate? |
| 27946 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4310 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 27947 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4310 |
Jim |
Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift, and I found a recording device in it. Yes. So, I think if I played it just right I can get Dwight to play out the plot of National Treasure. |
| 27948 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4310 |
Pam |
You need to be more upset about this. She's your mother too now. Your mother is sleeping with Michael Scott. |
| 27949 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4311 |
Jim |
Andy, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 27950 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4311 |
Andy |
Sure thing, Tuna Boss. |
| 27951 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
How may I be of service to you? |
| 27952 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Jim |
I am gonna need your advice I was thinking about getting this opera for Dwight's birthday, what do you think? |
| 27953 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
This aurea is a joke. |
| 27954 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 27955 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
What are you thinking? |
| 27956 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Jim |
I was gonna go with this one. |
| 27957 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
Let me tell you something, if you respect him at all, you will get him something better. |
| 27958 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Dwight |
The Nard Dog... what was that all about? |
| 27959 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
I know, right? |
| 27960 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Dwight |
What were you talking about in there? |
| 27961 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4312 |
Andy |
Trust me it would only make you mad. |
| 27962 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Due to a certain recent incident, corporate has asked all the branches to come up with ideas as to how we can better communicate with our communities. |
| 27963 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Andy |
Is this because of the 60 Minutes segment about working conditions in our Peruvian paper mill? |
| 27964 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
That was a hit job. If you read the Dunder Mifflin press release it clearly states that they had absolutely nothing to do with that particular cancer cluster. So if there is a lesson to be learned here and I'm not sure that there is, it is that in order to help our communities, we need to put other people's needs ahead of our own. |
| 27965 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Haha! Ha ha ha. |
| 27966 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Jim |
And whoever comes up with the best idea gets a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of his or her choice. |
| 27967 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Who wants to help the world one step at a time? Alright, good. |
| 27968 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Dwight |
Volunteerism is important. Every weekend I volunteer at the local animal shelter and they need a lot of help down there. Last Sunday I had to put down over 150 pets all by myself. |
| 27969 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Alright, that's... |
| 27970 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Meredith |
Paint a mural of Chicano leaders. |
| 27971 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Alright... |
| 27972 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
I have a way to make Scranton a better place, you could leave it. |
| 27973 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Okay, I'm out of here, see you later guys... |
| 27974 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Various |
Get out and stay out, bye... |
| 27975 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Ok, oh no here's an idea... conservation... |
| 27976 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
I love it, conservation. Let's start by conserving our time and stop having these stupid meetings. No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! |
| 27977 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Anybody else? Who else has an idea? |
| 27978 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Angela |
I have some ideas about conservation... |
| 27979 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Jim |
Yes! Angela! Please... |
| 27980 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Can you hold down the fort? Hey boo! |
| 27981 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Angela |
Thank you. Sure well first of all I think that we could totally... |
| 27982 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
What's it... why are you crying? |
| 27983 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Jim |
Yes! I think we should look into that. If you could just speak up louder... |
| 27984 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Kevin |
Shhhh... |
| 27985 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Angela |
Well, for our profit... |
| 27986 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Kevin |
Shhh... |
| 27987 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
No, no, no, I'll talk to her. I will... No... nobody talks to my baby that way... uh ah... yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Alright, by pickle. |
| 27988 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Kevin |
Who's pickle? |
| 27989 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Pamela Morgan Beesly, you need to apologize to your mother right now. |
| 27990 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Angela |
I'm sorry, I was told I had the floor. |
| 27991 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 27992 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Oscar |
Hold on, hold on, what's going on? |
| 27993 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Jim |
Nothing... nothing at all... it's all good! |
| 27994 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes me an apology. |
| 27995 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover? |
| 27996 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Don't call my mother your lover. |
| 27997 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Kevin |
Yes! That's what I'm talking about. |
| 27998 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Andy |
That is not okay dude. |
| 27999 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Alright, in my defense... |
| 28000 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Phyllis |
Disgusting... |
| 28001 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Creed |
She's messed up man... |
| 28002 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Yes! Thank you, welcome to my personal hell! |
| 28003 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Oscar |
You have no sense of boundaries Michael. |
| 28004 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Shut up Oscar. Hey, alright, you know what, clearly I'm outnumbered here, but can I just say one thing, please? What is so wrong about me? I'm caring, I'm generous, I'm sensual. Is it really so horrible that I could possibly go out and find happiness. |
| 28005 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Phyllis |
Good luck Michael, I hope you find what you're looking for. |
| 28006 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Oscar |
Maybe you're right, who are we to... |
| 28007 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Shut up Oscar. What is wrong with all of you, he is sleeping with my mother! |
| 28008 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Dwight |
I don't think there's a whole lot of sleeping going on. |
| 28009 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Let's get back to the matter at hand. |
| 28010 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Whatever, you know, sleep with my mom, sleep with everybody's mom... |
| 28011 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
No, no, no... no, no... |
| 28012 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Ryan |
Whoa, that's my mother you're talking about... |
| 28013 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
I don't like the tone here... this is a place of business, you are to listen to others, you are to give others respect, and you are to keep your personal issues out of it. |
| 28014 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Uhh, huh, ho... oooh my God, you are ridiculous! |
| 28015 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
Do not talk to me that way! I am your boss and I may someday be your father, so get out. |
| 28016 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
You are never going to be my father, you get out! |
| 28017 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Michael |
I hope that you are willing to die in this office, because I am... |
| 28018 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4313 |
Pam |
Me too... |
| 28019 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 28020 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Oscar |
Hey. |
| 28021 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Angela |
Pam, how's your day going? |
| 28022 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Oscar |
Pam, just for the record, I think you're overreacting a little bit, your mom's old enough to make her own decisions. |
| 28023 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Pam |
Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom? |
| 28024 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Oscar |
My mother's in a wheelchair. |
| 28025 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4314 |
Pam |
Well, he could still... I'm sorry about that... Oh could I just get you to sign this second page. |
| 28026 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
Ryan, I have to ask you a personal question. Do you think that I should get a Fedora? |
| 28027 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
Ahh, I don't think so, no... |
| 28028 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
Well, I think I'd look really hot in one. Where'd you get your fedora? |
| 28029 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
I'd rather not say. |
| 28030 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
I think I'm gonna get the same fedora as you. |
| 28031 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Erin |
Hi Dwight! |
| 28032 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
Shh! |
| 28033 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
...it should go with the persona you already have. |
| 28034 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
Well, I think I have that persona. |
| 28035 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
Where did you get that mallard? |
| 28036 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
What the hell is a mallard? |
| 28037 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
That! |
| 28038 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
Oh, Professor Damien D. Duck, Jim gave him to me. |
| 28039 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
Okay, I gave that to him that as a gift, I'm taking that back. |
| 28040 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
If you take it back, I'll scream. |
| 28041 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
I'll give you five bucks for it. |
| 28042 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
Twenty. |
| 28043 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Dwight |
Ten. |
| 28044 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
Deal. |
| 28045 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Kelly |
You're so cool. |
| 28046 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4315 |
Ryan |
This reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas. |
| 28047 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
Hey Toby, could I talk to you for a minute? |
| 28048 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Yeah, sure, what's up? |
| 28049 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
Um, I just wanted to apologize for taking that tone with you earlier that was... uncalled for, I'm sorry. |
| 28050 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Um, yeah, ah, ah, that means a lot. Thank you for saying it. |
| 28051 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
Can I sit down for a second? |
| 28052 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Yeah, er... pull up a chair or sit on the shredder. |
| 28053 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
This is gonna sound weird, but I think I may be the victim of a hostile work environment with this whole Pam situation. |
| 28054 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Ah, you should probably deal with that outside of the work place. |
| 28055 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
She brought it into the work place so I feel like it has to be dealt with here. |
| 28056 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Ok, I mean, I could talk to her. |
| 28057 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
Really? Would you do that? |
| 28058 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
Yeah... that's why they pay me the big bucks. |
| 28059 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Michael |
You're a good, good guy. |
| 28060 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4316 |
Toby |
I'm good... |
| 28061 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4317 |
Toby |
You know, I always knew if Michael just took the time to get to know me, we'd become friends. |
| 28062 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Toby |
Hey Pam, could I talk to you for a sec? |
| 28063 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Sure, what's up? |
| 28064 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Toby |
Well, I was hoping that maybe in light of everything that's happened today, it would be a good idea if today, you, me, and Michael could head into the conference room for some conflict resolution. |
| 28065 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
What's the matter, you can't fight your own battles? |
| 28066 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
No... that's... |
| 28067 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Toby |
Maybe you could just take the rest of the day off... you know... |
| 28068 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Oh, would that make you feel better? |
| 28069 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
I don't... um... I can't hear your conversation. |
| 28070 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
You can tell Michael that I'm not leaving. |
| 28071 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Toby |
Buddy, I think that... |
| 28072 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah, yeah-okay... you're a jackass. Hey, hey, you know what? You're just as stubborn as your mother, when you don't wanna do something you just don't do it. |
| 28073 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Stanley |
Heh, heh, heh. |
| 28074 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Michael, you're just her rebound! |
| 28075 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
You were right Jim, shoulda listened to you, should never have told her. |
| 28076 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
What! You knew? |
| 28077 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Jim |
Barely, I... I don't have all the facts. Frank and Bean... |
| 28078 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
Okay, do you want me to stop seeing your mom? Is that how we're gonna get past this? Cause, I will. |
| 28079 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Mmmmm, yes! |
| 28080 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
Well, that is not gonna happen! |
| 28081 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Then why'd you even offer!? |
| 28082 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
Because I assumed that you want me to be happy because I want you to be happy. |
| 28083 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Michael, let me make this very easy for you, I could give a sh about your happiness! Stop dating my mother! |
| 28084 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
You know what? I'm gonna start dating her even harder. |
| 28085 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
What's that supposed to mean? |
| 28086 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Michael |
You know what it means. |
| 28087 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Jim |
Hey... |
| 28088 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Pam |
Shut it! |
| 28089 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4318 |
Jim |
Yep... |
| 28090 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4319 |
Michael |
I don't need to be friends with Pam. I have plenty of female friends. My mom, Pam's mom, my aunt... although she just blocked me on IM, what's her face from Quiznos, I see her four times a week. |
| 28091 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
Dwight, you brought the mallard back. |
| 28092 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
Well, I had to, I mean... Kelly was not even... |
| 28093 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
Hi buddy. |
| 28094 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry. |
| 28095 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
A wooden duck? |
| 28096 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
Mallard. I put it in your office in order to surveil you. I was jealous that you got the promotion over me. |
| 28097 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
Okay, just to be clear, you're terrible at this and you are not equipped for espionage... |
| 28098 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
Oh, I'm equipped... I can... |
| 28099 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
Silence. |
| 28100 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
Don't tell Michael... |
| 28101 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Jim |
I won't. But, you will wash and buff our car. |
| 28102 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4320 |
Dwight |
Punishment fits the crime, I accept. |
| 28103 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4321 |
Michael |
Night everyone. Night Pam, thanks again for the rum. |
| 28104 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4321 |
Erin |
Night Michael. |
| 28105 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4321 |
Michael |
Night Erin. |
| 28106 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
Hey Pam, can I see you for a second? So, Dwight heard you were having a really rough day. So he generously offered to wash our car. |
| 28107 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Pam |
Awww, he did that for me? |
| 28108 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
Yes, he did. You know what was nice, nights swimming in Bayou bay. |
| 28109 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Pam |
Mmmm. |
| 28110 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
Remember that older couple whose kids were also named Jim and Pam? |
| 28111 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Pam |
Haha, yeah. Say more nice things. |
| 28112 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
Well, we went on a Segway tour and we're awesome at it and Frank and Beans! |
| 28113 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Pam |
Maybe I'm overreacting. |
| 28114 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
Yeah... maybe. |
| 28115 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Pam |
But I don't think I am. |
| 28116 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4322 |
Jim |
You're not, nope. Nope. |
| 28117 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4323 |
Kevin |
Oh... where'd you get that hat? |
| 28118 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4323 |
Ryan |
I'd rather not say. |
| 28119 |
6 |
7 |
The Lover |
4324 |
Dwight |
"We have our high quality 28 pound bond, our heavier 38 pound bond, or our..." I've got eight hours of this. Of course I wanted Jim to find the mallard, make him feel safe. Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane. "...65 pound cover stock, which is the heaviest paper that will still feed smoothly through your desktop printer." |
| 28120 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4325 |
Michael |
Welcome children of the Scranton Industrial Park Community. |
| 28121 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4325 |
Kids |
YAY! |
| 28122 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4325 |
Michael |
Join your gangsta pumpkin on his palette truck of doom. Don't worry about a thing. Rest assured you will see me later. Bwah ha ha... ... ha ha ha. |
| 28123 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4326 |
Jim |
We are doing a haunted house this Halloween. Which is actually kinda spooky because, as legend has it, on this very site there used to be a productive paper company. |
| 28124 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4327 |
Michael |
I am going to scare these kids so bad. |
| 28125 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids. You don't believe me? Just take a look. Oh. Scary, huh? This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim. |
| 28126 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Angela |
Black widow. |
| 28127 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Kelly |
Lulu from The Fifth Element. |
| 28128 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
Nobody told me what people were, alright? So... label yourselves or take what you get. |
| 28129 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Creed |
I want to sell your blood! |
| 28130 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Ryan |
That's really not the trend in vampires right now. |
| 28131 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
Here is an old man and a goth dude... and then the old crone from Drag Me to Hell. |
| 28132 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Meredith |
I'm a hobo. |
| 28133 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
I asked for a list. ...and a clown. |
| 28134 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Dwight |
I'm Jigsaw, idiot. |
| 28135 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
You're not as scary as Book Face, over there. |
| 28136 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Jim |
Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Book Face. |
| 28137 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Darryl |
Ok, kids. You've all been so good and unbelievably patient so I think you are gonna get some candy! |
| 28138 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Kids |
Yeah! |
| 28139 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4328 |
Michael |
Kids, just remember, suicide is never the answer. Alright? |
| 28140 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4329 |
Michael |
Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message? |
| 28141 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4330 |
Michael |
It is the easy way out. You are not alone. |
| 28142 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4330 |
Darryl |
What the hell is wrong with you? |
| 28143 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4330 |
Michael |
Who wants candy? |
| 28144 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
...and then I think I'm going to go to the Garlic Festival. |
| 28145 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 28146 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. |
| 28147 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
I bet we would. |
| 28148 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
They have a TCBY booth. |
| 28149 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Cool. |
| 28150 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
The same stuff you get downtown. |
| 28151 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 28152 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
Do you like TCBY? |
| 28153 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Who doesn't? |
| 28154 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
I can't believe it's- I can't believe it's yogurt. Uh... it'll be fun |
| 28155 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Erin |
I confirmed with Raskin Design and they're expecting the both of you in an hour. |
| 28156 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Oh. Actually, it's just gonna be me. |
| 28157 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Erin |
They said the both of you. |
| 28158 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
That is a mistake. |
| 28159 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Michael |
You should give them a call. Check that out. |
| 28160 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4331 |
Jim |
Alright. Let's clear this up. Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company and Michael and I are actually at the same level. So, I can- no. Nope. Why would that be a problem? |
| 28161 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4332 |
Michael |
Jim's a good kid. He can handle a lot but sometimes you have to call in a master. I, uh... why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional? |
| 28162 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Jim |
Great. See ya' then. |
| 28163 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Michael |
Wha- what? |
| 28164 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Jim |
They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along. |
| 28165 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Michael |
Why don't they just want you to go by yourself? Why do they want me to come, too? I don't understand. |
| 28166 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Jim |
I absolutely don't understand, either. |
| 28167 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Michael |
I don't want you to feel like I'm baby-sitting you, or something. Alright. |
| 28168 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 28169 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4333 |
Michael |
Let me get your stroller. |
| 28170 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4334 |
Jim |
Sure. Michael's a good teacher. A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right? |
| 28171 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
What are you gonna call him? |
| 28172 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Dave. |
| 28173 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
No. What is his name? |
| 28174 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Dave. |
| 28175 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
Mr. Bourchard. They're very formal. |
| 28176 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone. |
| 28177 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
Yeah, well... this is not the phone. This is real life, baby, and you gotta own it. Is that what you are wearing? |
| 28178 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Yes, it is. |
| 28179 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
...and that is the watch that you are going to wear? No. It is not. You should wear this watch. I will loan it to you. It is a Tankard. I highly recommend you wear that. |
| 28180 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
No thanks. |
| 28181 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
They are into style. |
| 28182 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 28183 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
They are into appearance. We are selling success. |
| 28184 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
...and paper. |
| 28185 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Michael |
That's sorta secondary. |
| 28186 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4335 |
Jim |
Nope. No. |
| 28187 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4336 |
Jim |
He's trying to micro-co-manage me... or co-micro... manage... me. |
| 28188 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4337 |
Pam |
Here we are outside- |
| 28189 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4337 |
Andy |
WB! |
| 28190 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4337 |
Pam |
#NAME? |
| 28191 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4337 |
Andy |
Industrial P.! Makin' cold calls. |
| 28192 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4337 |
Pam |
The two people with the lowest sales in the quarter have to do them. |
| 28193 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4338 |
Andy |
Where are you? Dean Trophies. Suite 100. Sherman Blinds and Rugs. Suite 202. |
| 28194 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4338 |
Pam |
Here it is. Suite 401. |
| 28195 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4338 |
Andy |
Yeah. I was gonna sing that part. |
| 28196 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4338 |
Pam |
I know. Now you don't have to. |
| 28197 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4338 |
Andy |
Except it was going to resolve the melody, so now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze. Mmm! I hate this feeling. Suite 401. |
| 28198 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
Alright. Hi. Any messages? |
| 28199 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Erin |
You're soaking wet. |
| 28200 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
Uh, well, Jim and I got caught in a little flash rain, flash wind, flash lightning. |
| 28201 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Phyllis |
Wow. Sounds scary. |
| 28202 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
It was. It was. And then in an instant it wasn't. |
| 28203 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Angela |
Why isn't Jim wet? |
| 28204 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Jim |
I outran it. |
| 28205 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Meredith |
I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing. |
| 28206 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
It rained. |
| 28207 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Dwight |
Michael, can I get you something? A towel? Some cocoa? |
| 28208 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
Nothing. Cocoa. |
| 28209 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Jim |
I'll just leave that suit in your office then. |
| 28210 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4339 |
Michael |
Good. Yep. |
| 28211 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4340 |
Secretary |
Must be nice to have company on these cold calls. |
| 28212 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4340 |
Andy |
We're kind of a dynamic duo. Or trio. |
| 28213 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4340 |
Secretary |
How exciting! Do you guys know the s*x yet? |
| 28214 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4340 |
Pam |
Oh. No, no. We're not together. No, no, no. Definitely not. Definitely not. No. We just work together. |
| 28215 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4340 |
Andy |
Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelies. |
| 28216 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4341 |
Erin |
Um, Michael? The custodian from Raskin Design is on the line. He said they found your keys in the Koi pond. |
| 28217 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4341 |
Michael |
Ok. Thank you. |
| 28218 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4341 |
Stanley |
Did you say 'Koi pond'? |
| 28219 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 28220 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Erin |
Michael, people are asking questions. |
| 28221 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
Ok. Put them on speaker. Hey guys, what's going on? |
| 28222 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Phyllis |
Michael, did you you fall into a Koi pond? |
| 28223 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
Uh... I can't really hear you. I think we have sort of a bad connection. |
| 28224 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Oscar |
Jim, did Michael fall into a Koi pond? |
| 28225 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Jim |
Mmm... it's like Michael said. It was some- something else. |
| 28226 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
It was- Ok. This is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing. |
| 28227 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Angela |
So you fell in? |
| 28228 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
No. Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. |
| 28229 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Angela |
So a child had fallen in? |
| 28230 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
Not yet! |
| 28231 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Kevin |
That is hilarious. |
| 28232 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4342 |
Michael |
No it is- don't! I'm not gonna bump. I'm not gonna bump. And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying. |
| 28233 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4343 |
Jim |
Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was... how long it took him to get out. |
| 28234 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Pam |
And we'd like to offer you 15% off your first purchase as our way of welcoming you to the area. |
| 28235 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Customer |
Well that sounds like a really nice deal. |
| 28236 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Andy |
Sha-bow. |
| 28237 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Customer |
And I must say, that since we are a family business it is nice to see that you are, too. |
| 28238 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Andy |
Oh, wow. You thought that- oh, my gosh. Oh. Definitely not. |
| 28239 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Customer |
My mistake. Sorry. |
| 28240 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Pam |
It's ok. |
| 28241 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Andy |
Nuh. Actually, it's kinda not ok. Um, I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Giselle, uh... a nine. |
| 28242 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Customer |
That- that's good for you. |
| 28243 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Pam |
Anyway, we also have a special on envelopes. |
| 28244 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Andy |
Pam's carrying our surrogate. Because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. So, we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. Doesn't matter what Pam looks like. |
| 28245 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4344 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 28246 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4345 |
Pam |
You were way meaner to me than I was to you. |
| 28247 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4345 |
Andy |
No I wasn't. Ok. The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich. |
| 28248 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4345 |
Pam |
You blew the sale, you idiot. |
| 28249 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4345 |
Andy |
Let me tell you something. I was never gonna make that sale. |
| 28250 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together? |
| 28251 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Erin |
Staples? Uh, David Wallace called. |
| 28252 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Oh. He did? What did he say? |
| 28253 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Erin |
He heard you made a big splash at the meeting. Oh, my God. That was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith put me up to it. |
| 28254 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 28255 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Kevin |
I'm gonna kill you. |
| 28256 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Stanley |
Michael, don't listen to them. |
| 28257 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Thank you, Stanley. |
| 28258 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Stanley |
You just ignore their carp. |
| 28259 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 28260 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Dwight |
Michael? |
| 28261 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 28262 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Dwight |
A carp is both a fish and a term for complaing. They're mocking you with wordplay. |
| 28263 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Creed |
Hey, boss, did you find Nemo? |
| 28264 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
I can name Pixar movies, too. Toy Story. |
| 28265 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Oscar |
Don't you mean 'Koi Story'? |
| 28266 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Phyllis |
And when you fell in, did you flounder? |
| 28267 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Dwight |
Michael, flounder is both a kind of fish and - |
| 28268 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4346 |
Michael |
I know what a flounder is. |
| 28269 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4347 |
Michael |
I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond and he'd have to put on my suit and it'd be too short and he'd look... Damn it! He'd still look good. |
| 28270 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they regret. Show of hands- who has been 'Koi-ponded'? Who here's been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis? |
| 28271 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you make fun of us every day. |
| 28272 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Uh... |
| 28273 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Every single day. |
| 28274 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
You never said anything. |
| 28275 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Meredith |
Uh, we have. Countless times. |
| 28276 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 'Stop because I want you to stop' or STOP as in 'Stop. You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll. I am busting a gut. Stop!' |
| 28277 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Angela |
That's never the case. |
| 28278 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
We are going to make a 'Do Not Mock' list. Ok? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. Anything you put on this list you cannot be teased about. Got it? I'm gonna kick it off. Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? Ok. I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. Ok. Who else? Who else? Dwight, come on. |
| 28279 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Dwight |
I don't want people making fun of my nose. |
| 28280 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Your nose? |
| 28281 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Dwight |
It's too small. |
| 28282 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 28283 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Oscar |
Oh my. That is small. |
| 28284 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Dwight |
Just, write it down, please. |
| 28285 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Oscar |
Can you breathe okay? |
| 28286 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Kelly |
What keeps your glasses on? |
| 28287 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Dwight |
Hey! It's on the list, everybody. |
| 28288 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
No. I haven't finished writing. Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Ok. Who else? Who else? Everybody's getting their chance. |
| 28289 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Kevin |
I don't want people making fun of my weight. |
| 28290 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Ok. That's to broad. It's gotta be something else. How 'bout your stomach? Yeah? Meredith? |
| 28291 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Meredith |
I don't want to say it out loud. |
| 28292 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4348 |
Michael |
Ok. Fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself. And don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away. |
| 28293 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4349 |
Meredith |
I really didn't want to put it on the board but I thought maybe it was gonna come out somehow so... what are you gonna do? |
| 28294 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4350 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 28295 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
That is our sales pitch and we are stickin' to it. |
| 28296 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Keena Gifford |
Well, you two are quite the salesmen and a very cute couple. |
| 28297 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Well- |
| 28298 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
Oh- Thank you. |
| 28299 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Keena Gifford |
Some couples don't seem like a good match. You two do. |
| 28300 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
Well, you know. |
| 28301 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Yeah. You know. Two peas in a pod. We complete each other. What can I say? She loves to cook- |
| 28302 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
He loves to eat. |
| 28303 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
I love to dance- |
| 28304 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
I love to watch him dance. |
| 28305 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room- |
| 28306 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
And I'll just watch him. |
| 28307 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Keena Gifford |
And a baby on the way? You must be so excited. |
| 28308 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 28309 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Yeah. We are thrilled. |
| 28310 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 28311 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
In fact, we spent the whole weekend researching various birthing coaches. Wasn't that fun, honey? |
| 28312 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Pam |
It was, sweetie. |
| 28313 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Keena Gifford |
Oh. I know the best teacher. Her name is Miss Janet. |
| 28314 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Yeah. On Clearview Avenue. |
| 28315 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Keena Gifford |
Yeah! |
| 28316 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4351 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 28317 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Angela |
This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel. |
| 28318 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Phyllis |
So now you're comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal? |
| 28319 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Erin |
Um, Michael? The custodian called again. Apparently a Koi has died. |
| 28320 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
It's a fish. |
| 28321 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Erin |
They want you to pay for it. |
| 28322 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
It could've died of natural causes. So... |
| 28323 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Erin |
Well, they said you stepped on it's head. He did not suffer. |
| 28324 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Oscar |
When is the funeral? |
| 28325 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. How much do they want? |
| 28326 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Erin |
300 |
| 28327 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
What? No. I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm. |
| 28328 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Creed |
Oh, you're payin' way too much for your worms, man. Who's your worm guy? |
| 28329 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Jim |
Ok. Great meeting, everybody. That's it. |
| 28330 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
No, no. |
| 28331 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 28332 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4352 |
Michael |
No. We are not done here. This- |
| 28333 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Andy |
One of the baby books suggets the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. I just wish I had a special telephone so I could find out exactly wht the little soy bean wants. Right? Hey, little soy bean. What do you want? Right. How do- It- I felt it kick! |
| 28334 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Keena Gifford |
That's great! |
| 28335 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Andy |
Oh, my gosh. Like a little magical foot just high-fived me. |
| 28336 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Pam |
Yeah, well, that'll happen. |
| 28337 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Andy |
Oh, my gosh. It's like he's trying to say, 'I love you, too, Daddy'. I love you, too. |
| 28338 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Pam |
Sometimes we're so excited we forget where we are. Like at a business meeting. |
| 28339 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4353 |
Andy |
Message received, little soy bean. |
| 28340 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Jim |
I think you just gotta ride this one out, man. |
| 28341 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Michael |
No, Jim. You don't understand. Things like this don't just die. Kids in high school still call me 'Ponytail'. |
| 28342 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Jim |
No, they don't. |
| 28343 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Michael |
Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time I got my ponytail stuck in the power trail. |
| 28344 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Jim |
Maybe if you make fun of yourself it'll all go away. |
| 28345 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Michael |
I want to make fun of you right now. |
| 28346 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Jim |
Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball. |
| 28347 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Michael |
No. Don't do that. You're not. You're not stupid. |
| 28348 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Jim |
See? |
| 28349 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4354 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. |
| 28350 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4355 |
Michael |
Hey. I- I just wanna say that I cannot believe that I walked into a Koi pond. I mean, seriously. Walk much? Oh. I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to. |
| 28351 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4355 |
Phyllis |
Michael. You know, when you think about it, it's not all your fault. I mean, who puts a Koi pond in a lobby? |
| 28352 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4355 |
Michael |
Well, you know what? You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. I've seen that pond. This is the thing, I am a world class moron. That's the problem. |
| 28353 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4355 |
Dwight |
Michael, please. Stop it now. You're embarrassing yourself. |
| 28354 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4355 |
Michael |
It's ok. We're having fun. It's not actually the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to hrow me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row. Oh... it was freezing. No. No. No. Oh, this is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted on of those packages where you have, you know, the friends- the five- the friends and family thing and the guys was like, 'Who are your 5 friends?' and I'm, like, 'Uh... ' I didn't even know I couldn't even think. Oh, my God. It was so embarrassing. That was- oh. I don't even have Jan's cell phone number and I hate her! She won't give it to me. I was like, 'Oh, I guess I'm a loser. 'A luh-whooooo a za her'. Too far! God! Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice. |
| 28355 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Kevin |
Enjoying your nut? |
| 28356 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Oscar |
Kevin. |
| 28357 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Angela |
Why? |
| 28358 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Kevin |
I'm not mocking. I was just making an observation about a nut. |
| 28359 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Angela |
I was. |
| 28360 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Michael |
Hey. Who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. He swiped the security tape for me and he's bringing it over. |
| 28361 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Jim |
Mm... I'm, know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. You know, you watch that tape and you're gonna have to stay late for more sensitity training, so... |
| 28362 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4356 |
Kevin |
We'll stay late. |
| 28363 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
Well, that went pretty well. |
| 28364 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Yeah, I guess. |
| 28365 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. Going by the Nard Dog curve, I'd say we nailed it. |
| 28366 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
If I'm being completely honest, I could've done without the belly kiss. |
| 28367 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
You know what? I'm sorry. 'Cause in that moment I knew I was kissing your belly too much. |
| 28368 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Yeah. Way too much. |
| 28369 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 28370 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
I mean, what the hell was that? |
| 28371 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
What the heck was that? |
| 28372 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
When you cried? |
| 28373 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
Agh- try almost cried, ok? I just got caught up in the fantasy. |
| 28374 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
You're fantsy involves comparison shopping birthing classes? |
| 28375 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
No. I know I'm gonna go with Miss Janet. I just- I don't know. It was fun to role play, right? |
| 28376 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 28377 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
I mean, it was fun for me. Having a wife and a little baby. Agh, I'm so sick of being single. |
| 28378 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Well, are you dating anyone? |
| 28379 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
What do you think of Erin? I mean- she's- I- She's kinda cool. |
| 28380 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Ah. |
| 28381 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
You think I can do better? |
| 28382 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Pam |
Ah. |
| 28383 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4357 |
Andy |
Gotta get my goin' out on. |
| 28384 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Meredith |
Hey, let's watch this thing. |
| 28385 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ok. Yeah. We're not watchin' this. |
| 28386 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Oscar |
How can we not watch this? |
| 28387 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
What happened to 'Do Not Mock'? |
| 28388 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Phyllis |
We're not mocking, we're watching. |
| 28389 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
That will inevitably lead to mocking. So... |
| 28390 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Phyllis |
Well, we'll deal with it as it comes. |
| 28391 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Michael |
Is this the tape of me falling? |
| 28392 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Phyllis |
Yes. Put the DVD in. |
| 28393 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Kevin |
Open QuickTime. |
| 28394 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Oscar |
It starts on it's own. Let it - |
| 28395 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Kevin |
No! Use QuickTime. Trust me. I've done this. |
| 28396 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
Guys. Michael can't handle this and as your boss I'm saying we're not watching it. |
| 28397 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Michael |
No. It's ok. Watch it. He can't fire all of you. |
| 28398 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 28399 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Michael |
It's alright. I can handle it. |
| 28400 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
No. |
| 28401 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Michael |
I am a grown-up, Jim. |
| 28402 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Meredith |
Shh. It's on. |
| 28403 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Kevin |
Here they come. Boom! |
| 28404 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Oscar |
Oh. Did - did you see that? |
| 28405 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
See what? |
| 28406 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Angela |
Why'd you stop it? |
| 28407 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
Oscar, yes. You're right to stop it. Thank you. Eject it. |
| 28408 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Oscar |
Jim, you let Michael fall in. |
| 28409 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Dwight |
Play it again. He purposefully leaned away and let you fall in. |
| 28410 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
Oh... man. I thinke when I started to see you go in I think I just froze. |
| 28411 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Michael |
I don't think you froze. |
| 28412 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
It's a killer new dance move. Do you wanna talk in your office? |
| 28413 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Angela |
No. |
| 28414 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Jim |
I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk? |
| 28415 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4358 |
Dwight |
Judas. |
| 28416 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4359 |
Dwight |
Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, Jim is actually my friend. But... because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So, actually Jim is my enemy. But- |
| 28417 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4360 |
Jim |
I should've grabbed you. I'm sorry. Look, I thought I could've done today's sales call alone. I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, but I at least need the chance to do the job. |
| 28418 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4361 |
Michael |
Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me. |
| 28419 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Meredith |
Hey, what's up lifeguard? |
| 28420 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Oscar |
Jim, I think I'm in your way. |
| 28421 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Michael |
Oscar's a douche. |
| 28422 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Jim |
He's alright. |
| 28423 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Michael |
No. He's a- yeah, he's alright. Ok. |
| 28424 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Jim |
Thanks Michael. |
| 28425 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4362 |
Michael |
You're welcome. Whoa! Almost fell. |
| 28426 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
Hey, Erin. Do you mind faxing this for me? |
| 28427 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
Oh, sure. Oh, wait. Hand them to me upside down so I don't accidentally read them. |
| 28428 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 28429 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
Thanks. |
| 28430 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 28431 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales? |
| 28432 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
No. It was a total waste of time. Um... it was fun, though, because I got to spend the day with Andy Bernard. He's really cool. |
| 28433 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
Yeah, he is! |
| 28434 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
Yeah, he is. |
| 28435 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
He's, like, the coolest person I've ever met. |
| 28436 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
That's... right. He's like Marlon Brando. |
| 28437 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Erin |
Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is. |
| 28438 |
6 |
8 |
Koi Pond |
4363 |
Pam |
I actually do mean Marlon Wayan. Yeah. |
| 28439 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Dwight |
Good morning everybody. Who would like an authentic New York bagel? Hmmm? Stanley? |
| 28440 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Stanley |
Thank you. |
| 28441 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you. |
| 28442 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Andy |
Wow. H & H. You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels? |
| 28443 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Dwight |
Oh, why? Is there a place closer that sells them? |
| 28444 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Phyllis |
This is really nice Dwight, thanks. |
| 28445 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Andy |
Thanks. |
| 28446 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4364 |
Dwight |
Oh, don't mention it. You owe me one. You all owe me one. |
| 28447 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Good morning Michael. |
| 28448 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
Morning Dwight. |
| 28449 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Hungry? |
| 28450 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
No. I had a fish stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish stick sandwiches. My girlfriend didn't want hers. Because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs. |
| 28451 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac. |
| 28452 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
Well, yeah... |
| 28453 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
You're thinking of deer pen1s. |
| 28454 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
It worked. |
| 28455 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Regardless. That was over two hours ago and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry. Bagel? |
| 28456 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
I don't mind if I do. |
| 28457 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
K. I brought cheese too. |
| 28458 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
I'm taking one for my lady friend. |
| 28459 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Excellent. |
| 28460 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Michael |
Brain food. Thank you very much. |
| 28461 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4365 |
Dwight |
Okay. You owe me. |
| 28462 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4366 |
Dwight |
Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Geez. When did everyone get so cynical? |
| 28463 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4367 |
Dwight |
Pam, would you care for a bagel? |
| 28464 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4367 |
Pam |
Oh, no thank you. |
| 28465 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4367 |
Dwight |
That's right. You're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again. Please Pam, reconsider and have a bagel. |
| 28466 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4367 |
Pam |
I have an early lunch. |
| 28467 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4368 |
Pam |
Michael's been trying to get Jim and me to hang out ever since he started dating my mom. I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom and we have to go. No way out. No way out. |
| 28468 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Erin |
These are amazing. You took all these? |
| 28469 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Ryan |
I've always found beauty in uncommon places. Homeless people. Graffiti. Photography lets me capture all that. Have you ever been photographed before? |
| 28470 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Erin |
Oh just by like friends. |
| 28471 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Ryan |
Well here's what I've been doing around here. It's for a series on exposure in the workplace. |
| 28472 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Helene |
Whoohoo! Pammy? |
| 28473 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Pam |
Hey! Hey. Happy birthday. |
| 28474 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Helene |
Thank you. |
| 28475 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4369 |
Michael |
My girls. There they are. |
| 28476 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4370 |
Michael |
Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch-- there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your "Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother" and fixes all occurrences of "I don't really see them together". So, open wide Pam and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food. |
| 28477 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4371 |
Angela |
Pam, aren't you going to introduce us to Michael's girlfriend? |
| 28478 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4371 |
Pam |
I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding. |
| 28479 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4371 |
Michael |
Yeah-- |
| 28480 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4371 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 28481 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4371 |
Michael |
I think everyone has meet Helene. Shall we? |
| 28482 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Helene |
Wait a minute. Is that another birthday present for me cause you already gave me a necklace. |
| 28483 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Kelly |
Oh my God I love it. |
| 28484 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Helene |
Tell her how you gave it to me. |
| 28485 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Michael |
No, that wouldn't be-- |
| 28486 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Helene |
He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. What a nice way to wake up. |
| 28487 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Michael |
Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to-- inappropriosity. |
| 28488 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Kevin |
Because of s*x? |
| 28489 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Michael |
Hey-- |
| 28490 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
Kevin! |
| 28491 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Michael |
Please, Kevin. You're fired. Sorry, sorry. Work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go? |
| 28492 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
Yes, let's go. |
| 28493 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Erin |
Oh, wait. Um-- Swartz Lumber is on the phone for you Pam and they say it's urgent. |
| 28494 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
Oh, you guys. Just one second. Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Shipping emergency. I don't think I can go to lunch. |
| 28495 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Jim |
Oh man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out too. |
| 28496 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
I know. Isn't that always how it goes? |
| 28497 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Jim |
Rarely. If ever. Let me give it a whirl. I'll talk to them. |
| 28498 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
I want to handle it. |
| 28499 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Jim |
That's okay. |
| 28500 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Pam |
I feel like its-- |
| 28501 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Jim |
It's my pleasure. Hello? Well that's great. Turns out the paper was there all along. |
| 28502 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4372 |
Creed |
Thank God. |
| 28503 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4373 |
Creed |
Something's up. That paper was never supposed to arrive. |
| 28504 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Helene |
So, Pammy-- are you still liking sales? |
| 28505 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Pam |
Yeah-- it's exciting. |
| 28506 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Helene |
Well, you know-- Michael and I were-- talking, and maybe if you put a little more face to face time with your clients you could improve your sales. |
| 28507 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Jim |
Pam's sales are fine actually. |
| 28508 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Michael |
Just want you to succeed Pammy. You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today. |
| 28509 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 28510 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4374 |
Michael |
Today is about family. |
| 28511 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4375 |
Pam |
Why did I get in the car? I could of struggled. I have a whistle in my purse I didn't even blow it. |
| 28512 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Andy |
Oh, Dwight. I have a little surprise for you. |
| 28513 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Dwight |
Let me guess-- you ate the bagel I gave you and loved it. |
| 28514 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Andy |
Yes! And I wanted to return the favor. I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over and noticed that your brief case was a little worse for the wear, so a little elbow grease and she's polished right up, back up to her former glory. |
| 28515 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Dwight |
Wow-- |
| 28516 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Andy |
Feel it against your cheek. |
| 28517 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4376 |
Dwight |
I will. |
| 28518 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4377 |
Andy |
You give me a gift-- Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere-- Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor-- Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness. |
| 28519 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Let me get that door for you-- |
| 28520 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Whoa-- |
| 28521 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
There you go! |
| 28522 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Thank you very much. Now I've got it for you. |
| 28523 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Oh... goodness... thanks. You know, here's a healthy fitness tip. If you clench your buttocks together while walking you can really take the pressure off your knees. |
| 28524 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Is that right? |
| 28525 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Observe. |
| 28526 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Huh. |
| 28527 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Right? |
| 28528 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
That really works. |
| 28529 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Yeah, feel free to use that. Anytime. Okay. |
| 28530 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Hey-- oh, hold on a second. Do not walk around with your jacket cattywampus. |
| 28531 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
And that needs to be straight as an arrow. |
| 28532 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Whoa-- thank you very much. Oh boy. |
| 28533 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Thank you very much for that. |
| 28534 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
You are very welcome. |
| 28535 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
Have a seat. Allow me. |
| 28536 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Have a seat yourself. |
| 28537 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
You know what? I am going to preemptively change the batteries in your wireless mouse. |
| 28538 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
Not necessary. |
| 28539 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Dwight |
No, no, no! |
| 28540 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4378 |
Andy |
You didn't have to do that. |
| 28541 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4379 |
Dwight |
Andy is complicating things. But I'm not worried. This will only up my game. |
| 28542 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4380 |
Michael |
Hello. Scott. Table for four. |
| 28543 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4380 |
Hostess |
Welcome Scott family. It'll be just a moment. |
| 28544 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4380 |
Pam |
I use to love coming here. The chicken parm is good. Big part of my childhood. Oh, maybe Michael will start dating that too. |
| 28545 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
What table should we take? So many to choose from. |
| 28546 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 28547 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Oh my God! |
| 28548 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. Oh, wait a second! You mean this one? Wow! |
| 28549 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Pam |
Michael, you did all this? |
| 28550 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
Not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it. |
| 28551 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Well, thank you. All of you. |
| 28552 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
Well, it was actually me alone, so-- wow look at this place. Really makes me want to go to Italy some day. |
| 28553 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Oh you'll love it. You can have my guide books. I think I'm done with those really long plane rides. |
| 28554 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
Oh. Thank you. Thanks for lending me the books. |
| 28555 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Pam |
So, mom... which birthday are we celebrating this year? |
| 28556 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Sticking with 49. |
| 28557 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Pam |
49 again? That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition. |
| 28558 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
That's funny. |
| 28559 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Well, as long as you're running numbers Pam, then help me out with this one. Let's see your six months pregnant, but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to? |
| 28560 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Jim |
Oh, burn. Burn on you... and a little bit on me, too. |
| 28561 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
You're 54 years old. |
| 28562 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
No. I'm 58. |
| 28563 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
You're 58 years old? |
| 28564 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Helene |
Uh huh. |
| 28565 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4381 |
Michael |
Congratulations. |
| 28566 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4382 |
Michael |
The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you and I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave. |
| 28567 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Pam |
Mom, have you decided what you want to be called? |
| 28568 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Helene |
Oh, well I like Nana, but I also like the classic Grandma. |
| 28569 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Pam |
Please be Grandma. |
| 28570 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Jim |
Definitely Grandma. |
| 28571 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Pam |
I want you to be Grandma. |
| 28572 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Helene |
Oh, Michael what do you think? Grandma? |
| 28573 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Michael |
That-- |
| 28574 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4383 |
Pam |
Yay, Grandma! |
| 28575 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, do you think? |
| 28576 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Pam |
Maybe. |
| 28577 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
Helene? |
| 28578 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
Oh, oh no. I don't think so. |
| 28579 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
I am. I'm definitely going to do it. I've already got the run and the bike thing down. Just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in? |
| 28580 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
Oh no, I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. It just-- doesn't interest me. |
| 28581 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
So it's a matter of interest. Good, okay. It's not anything you would have ever done. |
| 28582 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
Hmm... I might have done it when I was younger, but now there's just other things I'd rather be doing, instead of running and jumping and swimming-- |
| 28583 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
Well there's no jumping in a triathlon. |
| 28584 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
Oh-- |
| 28585 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
You're thinking of the broad jump. Would you try-- bungee jumping? |
| 28586 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
No, no... |
| 28587 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
Snowboarding? |
| 28588 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
You want to go snowboarding? |
| 28589 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
I might. |
| 28590 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Helene |
Michael, what are you talking about? |
| 28591 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4384 |
Michael |
Nothing. Just life-- and doing things-- before you die. I don't know. |
| 28592 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4385 |
Michael |
Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. But I would like to if I wanted to. |
| 28593 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Andy |
Aye-yi-yi! |
| 28594 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Dwight |
What's going on in here? |
| 28595 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Oscar |
Andy bought lunch. |
| 28596 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Dwight |
Oh... no... really? |
| 28597 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Andy |
Yep, yep. Took a page right out of the old Schrute book of niceness. |
| 28598 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Dwight |
There is no book. There's only a survival guide. |
| 28599 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Andy |
You bought breakfast for everyone, so I got lunch for everyone. |
| 28600 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4386 |
Dwight |
Okay, well, allow me. You know what-- gosh these tacos are awfully complicated to make. I will make everyone's tacos! Gra-ga-ga-ga-ga! |
| 28601 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Michael |
So we should get the check? |
| 28602 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Pam |
What about your gift Michael? |
| 28603 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no, no. No. It's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it. |
| 28604 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Helene |
I'm sure I won't. |
| 28605 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Michael |
Yes you will. |
| 28606 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Pam |
He locked himself in his office all morning working on it. |
| 28607 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Helene |
Gimme. Look at this wrapping paper. It's got the word love on it in every language. |
| 28608 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Pam |
Aww-- |
| 28609 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Michael |
I literally-- I put no thought into the wrapping at all. Might as well of been toilet paper. |
| 28610 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4387 |
Helene |
A scrapbook of our first memories by Michael Gary Scott. For my girlfriend Helene on your birthday. |
| 28611 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
That's just an arbitrary title. |
| 28612 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
Ok, there's a penny. What's that from? |
| 28613 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Jim |
Penny for your thoughts. |
| 28614 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
It was from the wishing well at the mall. You threw it in. I went back later, waded in and I found it. |
| 28615 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 28616 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Pam |
That's amazing. |
| 28617 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
It's not amazing... at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. And now your wish won't come true, so that blows. |
| 28618 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
A poem! |
| 28619 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
Oh that I plagiarized I think. |
| 28620 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
I can not go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay... |
| 28621 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Jim |
Shel Silverstein. |
| 28622 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 28623 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
Um-- I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. And my teachers really mean-- Happy Birthday , I love you Helene. |
| 28624 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Pam |
That's really nice Michael. |
| 28625 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
I think it sucks. |
| 28626 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
I think it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful. |
| 28627 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes and you like lame things. It's a generational-- sort of gap between us. |
| 28628 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Helene |
God... it's a scrapbook. |
| 28629 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Pam |
Home run Michael. |
| 28630 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Jim |
You set the bar so high. |
| 28631 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4388 |
Michael |
That was a bunt. |
| 28632 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Andy |
Whoa, whoa Dwight. I'm going to do this. |
| 28633 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey, hey-- relax I got it covered. |
| 28634 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Andy |
No, I insist. |
| 28635 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no, no, I insist. |
| 28636 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Andy |
Ok, Dwight this is ridiculous. |
| 28637 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4389 |
Dwight |
Don't worry about it. You can just owe me. |
| 28638 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4390 |
Pam |
Hey. Where'd you go? |
| 28639 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4390 |
Michael |
Oh, just went to the bathroom. |
| 28640 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4390 |
Pam |
And then you stopped at the bar on the way back? |
| 28641 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4390 |
Michael |
I got thirsty. |
| 28642 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4390 |
Pam |
Okay, weirdo. Come on. It's time for cake. |
| 28643 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4391 |
Michael |
Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. And then I met Helene. And she is great and she already knows and has done everything that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. But, I think I want to do those things myself. |
| 28644 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4392 |
Pam |
Cakes really good. |
| 28645 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4392 |
Helene |
Oh, I know. I love how they use butter cream frosting. |
| 28646 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4392 |
Michael |
Finish your cake, Helene. |
| 28647 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4392 |
Helene |
Hmmm? |
| 28648 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4392 |
Michael |
I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you. I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing. |
| 28649 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
Helene I think you're a wonderful person and I-- God-- I've enjoyed dating you and being your boyfriend so much. But I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a co-worker I can not in good conscience continue to date you, when I know what this is doing to her. |
| 28650 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Pam |
Michael. Michael ,it's okay. |
| 28651 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
No it's not. |
| 28652 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Pam |
I know that it took me a little while to come around and its still a little weird to get used to, but you obviously make my mom very happy. And that makes me happy. |
| 28653 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
Wow. That just-- you've really grown. |
| 28654 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Pam |
Well-- |
| 28655 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
Thank you Pam. And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. Helene, once again you are a wonderful person and you have lived a great life and I envy it. And I want it someday, but just in the future. You need somebody who-- who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never-- I don't know him. There's another woman. And her name is Italy... and skydiving... and bungee jumping. |
| 28656 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Jim |
Okay, so-- |
| 28657 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
And I want kids. And you... unfortunately, have already completed that part of your journey down there. |
| 28658 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 28659 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Michael |
It's not my decision. It's mother nature. And mother has very strict rules about fer-- -- tility. |
| 28660 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4393 |
Helene |
I, um-- I got it. |
| 28661 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4394 |
Helene |
I'm 58. What am I supposed to do now? |
| 28662 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4394 |
Michael |
Well, hobbies-- |
| 28663 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4394 |
Jim |
Stop. |
| 28664 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4395 |
Andy |
Ahh. |
| 28665 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4395 |
Dwight |
What's going on? |
| 28666 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4395 |
Andy |
Stupid things wedged up there. No one in this office will help me. |
| 28667 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4395 |
Dwight |
Alright, move it. |
| 28668 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4396 |
Andy |
What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost. |
| 28669 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4397 |
Dwight |
Oh yeah, you're going to owe me big time. |
| 28670 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4397 |
Andy |
It's like a little envelope-- there you go. |
| 28671 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4397 |
Dwight |
Got it. To Dwight. Wha-- Starbucks gift card. |
| 28672 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4397 |
Andy |
Surprise! It's from everybody. $15 value. |
| 28673 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4398 |
Dwight |
Dammit. I am no closer to taking Jim down. What a waste of a day. I could of grown poisoned mushrooms that would have been this high by now. They're mushrooms. They don't get that high. |
| 28674 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Pamela Beesly Halpert-- |
| 28675 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
What? |
| 28676 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
May I have a word with you in my office please? |
| 28677 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
I am working. |
| 28678 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Well, this is a work related matter. |
| 28679 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 28680 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 28681 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 28682 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Yes. Join me please, won't you? I am going to give you a raise. |
| 28683 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
Why? |
| 28684 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Because of all the good work you've done. |
| 28685 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
I have the lowest sales record of anyone here. |
| 28686 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
That's-- no, no-- it's not about numbers, Pam. It's about attitude. |
| 28687 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
I have the worst attitude of any person here. |
| 28688 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Do you want the raise or what? |
| 28689 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'll take it. |
| 28690 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Hey, Pam, Pam-- with this raise there are strings attached. And the string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude. |
| 28691 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
You're bribing me? |
| 28692 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
No! No-- no I am not. Unless you want me to. DO you want me to? Cause I will. I will bribe you. No. Your face is saying don't-- unless I haven't offered you enough... your face isn't changing. What is it? Talk to me face. Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. Come on! What do you want? What do you want? Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? Want me to get down on one knee and beg you or-- |
| 28693 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
I want to hit you. |
| 28694 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
What? |
| 28695 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
I want to hit you. I'll do that. |
| 28696 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Oh-- okay , what? I don't-- Are you kidding? |
| 28697 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
No. Are you kidding? |
| 28698 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Ye-- No. Alright. I'll take off my jacket and tense my stomach and you can just-- |
| 28699 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
No. I don't think I can hit you in the office. |
| 28700 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 28701 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
So, um... we'll do it after work. In the parking lot. In front of everyone. I'm going to hit you as hard as I can. |
| 28702 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 28703 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 28704 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 28705 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Pam |
See you then. |
| 28706 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4399 |
Michael |
See you. |
| 28707 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 28708 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 28709 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
Quick question. |
| 28710 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Kelly |
Yeah. |
| 28711 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
Are you scared? |
| 28712 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Michael |
Never. About what? A little-- what are you talking-- |
| 28713 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
We heard about the punch. |
| 28714 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Michael |
What punch? |
| 28715 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Kelly |
Pam. She's going to punch the crap out of your face after work. |
| 28716 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Michael |
I'm pretty sure we said slap. |
| 28717 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Kelly |
No, it's a punch and Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now. |
| 28718 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand what's going to happen. Do you? |
| 28719 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Michael |
I-- mmm-- I'm good. |
| 28720 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4400 |
Ryan |
alright. See you there. |
| 28721 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 28722 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 28723 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Do you and Pam ever get frisky? |
| 28724 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
Inappropriate. |
| 28725 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
I mean-- do you ever wrestle with each other? |
| 28726 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
All the time. |
| 28727 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 28728 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 28729 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
She strong? |
| 28730 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
She wants it bad Michael. |
| 28731 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Can you stop this? |
| 28732 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
I can. |
| 28733 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 28734 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
And I don't support her choice to hit you. |
| 28735 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
I don't either. |
| 28736 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
But at the same time she looks crazy and I do understand her reasoning. |
| 28737 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Mmm-hmm. I know. |
| 28738 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
I just need some time. |
| 28739 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
You gotta do something-- |
| 28740 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
I just need some time. Just give me some time to make a decision. |
| 28741 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
How much time do you think you'll need? |
| 28742 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Jim |
No more than a week. Maybe two weeks. |
| 28743 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4401 |
Michael |
Come on, man! |
| 28744 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Pam, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 28745 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Oh... |
| 28746 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
I heard about the hit. Just-- make sure it's off company property, right? |
| 28747 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Right. |
| 28748 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Okay, I think we should probably be okay. |
| 28749 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 28750 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Okay. And-- the-the power-- comes from the back foot. So its-- its all one motion through the-- body. So you stay a little low and there's a twist. You keep your shoulder down and you kind of throw out the arm. Pow! |
| 28751 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Okay wait-- it's-- you're saying it comes from the foot. |
| 28752 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 28753 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 28754 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 28755 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Pam |
Wow! |
| 28756 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4402 |
Toby |
Okay. |
| 28757 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Meredith |
Hey everybody, he's not in the men's room although the seat was warm so we may have just missed him. |
| 28758 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Kevin |
My money's on Pam. |
| 28759 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Oscar |
It's not a fight. What other outcome could there be? |
| 28760 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Kevin |
Michael could win. |
| 28761 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Oscar |
How? He can't hit back. |
| 28762 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4403 |
Kevin |
Why can't you just agree with me sometimes? |
| 28763 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4404 |
Michael |
Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Everyday weirdo's pay dominatrix's hundreds of dollars for that very privilege. I'm scared I'm gonna love it. Let's do this. |
| 28764 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
It's okay guys... I can handle this. Everybody can go home. |
| 28765 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Kevin |
We're here for the show, Michael. |
| 28766 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
You're just a bunch of voyeurs. Are you eating popcorn? |
| 28767 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Kelly |
It has almost no calories. |
| 28768 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
Are you ready? |
| 28769 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 28770 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
You have to keep your hands down, Michael. |
| 28771 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
I know. Okay. Alright. Oh-- God! |
| 28772 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
Michael, you have to put your hands down. |
| 28773 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Angela |
Put your hands in your pockets. |
| 28774 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
Okay! Pam, Pam-- I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 28775 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
What are you sorry for? |
| 28776 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
So many things. I don't know. It's hard to choose. |
| 28777 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
How about for dating my mom? |
| 28778 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
Maybe that-- |
| 28779 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
And dumping her on her birthday. |
| 28780 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 28781 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
Okay-- just-- don't ever date a member of my family again. |
| 28782 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
Okay. I promise. For the record your mom came on to me. |
| 28783 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Phyllis |
Holy crap. |
| 28784 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
Are you okay? |
| 28785 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
No! |
| 28786 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
You're okay. |
| 28787 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Jim |
Feel better? |
| 28788 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Pam |
No. You were right. |
| 28789 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Dwight |
Wait, why are you limping? |
| 28790 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Michael |
I don't know. |
| 28791 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4405 |
Dwight |
Let's get some raw meat on that face. I got a chicken in the freezer upstairs. |
| 28792 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4406 |
Michael |
As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming towards my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover-car and a hover-house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And I am happy and I am rich and I never die. It doesn't sound like much, but its enough for me. |
| 28793 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
Ahh... |
| 28794 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
Good, good. Keep it on there for another five minutes. Just let the swelling go down. |
| 28795 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
Oh thank you. Thanks. I owe you one Dwight. |
| 28796 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
Fire Jim. |
| 28797 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
No. |
| 28798 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
I'm cashing in the favor. Fire him. |
| 28799 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
What are you talking about-- |
| 28800 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
Do it. Promote me. Tri-managers. |
| 28801 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
Forget that. |
| 28802 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
Can I have an office? |
| 28803 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
No. |
| 28804 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Dwight |
You know what you can keep your stupid favor. It's worthless. And this is my dinner on your face. I'm keeping it. |
| 28805 |
6 |
9 |
Double Date |
4407 |
Michael |
Oh that feels better. |
| 28806 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4408 |
Dwight |
Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you! |
| 28807 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4409 |
Jim |
Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change. |
| 28808 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum... and you are attacked by triads... how can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch |
| 28809 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know. |
| 28810 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go! |
| 28811 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Kevin |
No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace. |
| 28812 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me! |
| 28813 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you. |
| 28814 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present. |
| 28815 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it? |
| 28816 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. Block. Grasp wrist as such. |
| 28817 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two. |
| 28818 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh! |
| 28819 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool. |
| 28820 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
He really is, but not for long. Ow! Instep, oh, not again. You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on. |
| 28821 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Jim |
You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand. |
| 28822 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4410 |
Dwight |
The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise. |
| 28823 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Michael |
But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy. |
| 28824 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Andy |
I did stand up comedy once. |
| 28825 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Michael |
You did? |
| 28826 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Andy |
Yeah, I killed. |
| 28827 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Michael |
That sounds like it was hilarious. |
| 28828 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4411 |
Andy |
It was hilarious. |
| 28829 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Dwight |
Michael? |
| 28830 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 28831 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Dwight |
What is the meaning of this email that everyone got? |
| 28832 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day. |
| 28833 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Dwight |
This one, from David Wallace to all Dunder Mifflin. |
| 28834 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
Woo hoo, shout out! |
| 28835 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Dwight |
Hello everyone I am sure you have seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture. If there's any concrete news you will know ASAP. |
| 28836 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
Erin, do we have the journal? |
| 28837 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Erin |
Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule. |
| 28838 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
Did you? |
| 28839 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Pam |
Michael, he means the Wall Street Journal online. |
| 28840 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4412 |
Michael |
Oh, the Wall. |
| 28841 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Oscar |
I found the article. "On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... " and the article cuts off. |
| 28842 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Michael |
It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say? |
| 28843 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Jim |
Are you serious? |
| 28844 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Andy |
I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it. |
| 28845 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Phyllis |
"It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy." |
| 28846 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Michael |
No, no, that doesn't make any sense. |
| 28847 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Stanley |
Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs. |
| 28848 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Oscar |
Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt. |
| 28849 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Michael |
Oh, that sounds awful. |
| 28850 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Oscar |
Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin. |
| 28851 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Michael |
Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory. |
| 28852 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4413 |
Dwight |
You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize. |
| 28853 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4414 |
David Wallace's Secretary |
I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting. |
| 28854 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4414 |
Michael |
Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious! |
| 28855 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4414 |
David Wallace's Secretary |
Um, I'll just have him call you back. |
| 28856 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4414 |
Michael |
OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free. |
| 28857 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4415 |
Kevin |
Michael, are you OK? Did you throw up in there? |
| 28858 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4415 |
Michael |
No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be. |
| 28859 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4415 |
Kevin |
It smells like throw up in here. |
| 28860 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4415 |
Michael |
Crazy world. Lotta smells. |
| 28861 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4416 |
Kelly |
Guys, what if this is our last day at work? What if we never see each other ever again? |
| 28862 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4417 |
Andy |
I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws. |
| 28863 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Jim |
We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen. |
| 28864 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Michael |
OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins. |
| 28865 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Jim |
Listen, Wallace said these were just rumors, right? So we have no reason to think the company is anything but fine. So if we just go on with our work, you and me, they'll follow along. |
| 28866 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Michael |
Monkey see, monkey do. |
| 28867 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Jim |
That's it. |
| 28868 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Michael |
Monkey pee all over you. |
| 28869 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Jim |
That rhymes, so what have we on the docket today? |
| 28870 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Michael |
We have a monthly staff meeting |
| 28871 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4418 |
Jim |
Alright, let's conference room it up! Here's the deal guys. There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working. |
| 28872 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4419 |
Jim |
Sure I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better. I only slack off when things are good. |
| 28873 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4420 |
Jim |
Customers have to use the coupon code from the website. And as of now there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero, but we are working on that. Stay tuned for that. |
| 28874 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4420 |
Dwight |
He needs me. Seat saved infinity. |
| 28875 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4420 |
Jim |
OK, great. |
| 28876 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4420 |
Michael |
What? Oh my God! There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah. |
| 28877 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4421 |
Michael |
Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across. |
| 28878 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Meredith |
Belles, Bourbon and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game. |
| 28879 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Michael |
It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it... |
| 28880 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Jim |
Hey, I am wondering if this is a, uh, terrible idea. |
| 28881 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Michael |
This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder. |
| 28882 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Jim |
I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this. |
| 28883 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4422 |
Michael |
Tube City, you owe me one. |
| 28884 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4423 |
Jim |
Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one. |
| 28885 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Voice on CD player |
August the 5th, 1955. It's a sad day down here in Savannah. Local magnate Bill Bourbon was killed last night and all y'all have congregated tonight for a meal to celebrate Bill as he passes on to his great reward. You're not just here to pay your respects, you have to figure out which of y'all is the no-count scoundrel who killed him. |
| 28886 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Stanley |
This is ridiculous. |
| 28887 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Michael |
There will be food. You leave, you do not get food. |
| 28888 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Stanley |
What kind of food? |
| 28889 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Michael |
Sandwich platters. |
| 28890 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Stanley |
I'm in. |
| 28891 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4424 |
Michael |
Baby carrots. |
| 28892 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4425 |
Michael |
OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse. |
| 28893 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4425 |
Kevin |
Whoa, I'll try it. |
| 28894 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4425 |
Michael |
OK, use your imaginations. |
| 28895 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4426 |
Andy |
Who'd you get? |
| 28896 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4426 |
Erin |
Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal. |
| 28897 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4426 |
Andy |
Oooooo, saucy. |
| 28898 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4426 |
Erin |
How about you? |
| 28899 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4426 |
Andy |
Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother. |
| 28900 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Angela |
Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary. |
| 28901 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Michael |
It's not scary. |
| 28902 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Angela |
I don't like my character. |
| 28903 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Pam |
Who are you? |
| 28904 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Angela |
Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this. |
| 28905 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4427 |
Michael |
Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful. |
| 28906 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Michael |
Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare? |
| 28907 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Oscar |
It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company. |
| 28908 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Michael |
Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare. |
| 28909 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Ryan |
You don't have to keep saying "I do declare". Any time you say something it means you are declaring. |
| 28910 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Michael |
That is the way Southern people talk. |
| 28911 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Jim |
And what Designing Woman are you basing that on? |
| 28912 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Michael |
Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery? |
| 28913 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Pam |
I'll go. My name is Deborah U. Tante. Deb for short. |
| 28914 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Andy |
That's clever, Debutante. |
| 28915 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Pam |
Bill Bourbon was my uncle. I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug. |
| 28916 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Meredith |
Nice accent. You sound like Forrest Gump. |
| 28917 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Pam |
I do not. |
| 28918 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Andy |
Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth. |
| 28919 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Kevin |
Oooo, now do the Swedish chef. |
| 28920 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Andy |
Uh, not familiar, what province is he from? |
| 28921 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4428 |
Kevin |
He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass. |
| 28922 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4429 |
Phyllis |
You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean, Deb, OK? I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept. |
| 28923 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4429 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm the butler. You were listening in on that? You rich people. You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class! |
| 28924 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4429 |
Michael |
No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing. |
| 28925 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4429 |
Dwight |
I will poison your food. |
| 28926 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4430 |
Andy |
I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrix Bourbon, if'n she don't mind. |
| 28927 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4430 |
Michael |
Oooooo, doggie, we got a party now! |
| 28928 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4431 |
Michael |
I do believe that the game is a big hit. People are really diving into their characters. |
| 28929 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4432 |
Kevin |
Y'all. |
| 28930 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4433 |
Creed |
Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on? |
| 28931 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4433 |
Michael |
Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect. |
| 28932 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4433 |
Creed |
OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back. |
| 28933 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4433 |
Michael |
Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar. |
| 28934 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4434 |
Andy |
Hey there young lady. |
| 28935 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4434 |
Erin |
Hello. |
| 28936 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4434 |
Andy |
I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend. |
| 28937 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4434 |
Erin |
Sounds like a plan, Sugar. |
| 28938 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4434 |
Andy |
Alright, a plan it is. |
| 28939 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4435 |
Dwight |
Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the Dark Arts. |
| 28940 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4435 |
Angela |
It's not my fault, I was exposed to Harry Potter. |
| 28941 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4435 |
Dwight |
I know you did it! |
| 28942 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4436 |
Dwight |
I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect. |
| 28943 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4437 |
Kevin |
Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses. |
| 28944 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4437 |
Erin |
Well, you know ol' Nellie's always up for a romp in the hay. |
| 28945 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4437 |
Meredith |
How about a threesome? |
| 28946 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4437 |
Erin |
Yeah, my boudoir's always open. |
| 28947 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4437 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 28948 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4438 |
Andy |
I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer. |
| 28949 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Oscar |
I just got an email from corporate, specifically for Accounting to stop all payments to our vendors. |
| 28950 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Phyllis |
What does that mean? |
| 28951 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Oscar |
Well, maybe nothing but it could mean a problem with liquidity- |
| 28952 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Michael |
Whoa. What's this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son? This here's Savannah. |
| 28953 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Oscar |
This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks. We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay... - Michael, I can't - Basically it could mean a lot of things, but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern. |
| 28954 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Jim |
OK, I'm going back to work. |
| 28955 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4439 |
Michael |
No no no no no no no. I'm going to skip forward to a relevant clue. Here we go. |
| 28956 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4440 |
Voice on CD player |
Well by now you've figured out that ol' Beatrix Bourbon was the killer. |
| 28957 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4440 |
Phyllis |
Michael, I was doing so well. |
| 28958 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4440 |
Michael |
Are you going to believe that? That is a mis- that's a misdirection. We still don't know who the murderer is. Nellie Nutmeg, come back in here. I can't do this myself. Voodoo Mama Juju... what am I gonna do? |
| 28959 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Jim |
OK, so Corporate is still in their meeting. |
| 28960 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Kevin |
That could be a good sign. |
| 28961 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Angela |
Hey everyone, Kevin's going to give us his take on the situation. Let's listen up. |
| 28962 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Jim |
Alright guys, it's a work day and you guys work here, so let's go do some work. |
| 28963 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Kevin |
Now, Jim telling us all to work? I think that is a very good sign. |
| 28964 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Angela |
Don't just say things. |
| 28965 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Jim |
Oh, hey, Michael. Listen, I brought up those sales targets. Do you want to- |
| 28966 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Michael |
I do believe you have me mistaken, my name is Caleb Crawdad. Y'all skedaddled way too soon. We need to reopen this case. |
| 28967 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Jim |
No, you're not reopening the case. The case is closed. |
| 28968 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4441 |
Michael |
No it ain't. |
| 28969 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4442 |
Dwight |
Frankly, I'm not surprised. A lot of the evidence seemed to be based on puns. |
| 28970 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time. |
| 28971 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Erin |
I haven't seen it. |
| 28972 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend? |
| 28973 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Erin |
Of course, Nathaniel. |
| 28974 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Yeah, OK. |
| 28975 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Erin |
Where are you taking me? |
| 28976 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah. |
| 28977 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Erin |
Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton. |
| 28978 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Did you mean a real date? |
| 28979 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Erin |
No. Did you? |
| 28980 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4443 |
Andy |
Totally... not. |
| 28981 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4444 |
Erin |
I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was just, it was part of the game. |
| 28982 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Dwight |
You're sure it was water, it couldn't have been acid? |
| 28983 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Michael |
I already declared you, it was too dark to tell. |
| 28984 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Dwight |
Stop playing games with me, Crawdad. |
| 28985 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Michael |
This is not a game, this is my life. You are out of order, sir. |
| 28986 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Dwight |
Answer me. |
| 28987 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Michael |
You are out of order. |
| 28988 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Dwight |
You are out of order. |
| 28989 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4445 |
Michael |
You are- |
| 28990 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4446 |
Pam |
I think Michael may have snapped. |
| 28991 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4446 |
Jim |
Or maybe he's just stuck in character. |
| 28992 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4446 |
Pam |
Well, which is worse? Snapped or stuck? |
| 28993 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4446 |
Jim |
Both. They're both worse. |
| 28994 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4447 |
Jim |
It's going to be alright. We're a good company, we'll figure this out. We're not going under. |
| 28995 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4447 |
Pam |
Jim, what if we both lose our jobs? I'm trying to think of a way that this all ends up fine, and I can't think of one. |
| 28996 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4448 |
Michael |
Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors? |
| 28997 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4448 |
Jim |
Michael, not now. |
| 28998 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4448 |
Michael |
Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on. |
| 28999 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4448 |
Pam |
I should just go. Where to now Caleb? |
| 29000 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4448 |
Michael |
To Mama Juju Boo Boo. |
| 29001 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Jim |
Michael, can I... OK, I'm just going to skip right past the what and go with why. |
| 29002 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Michael |
Because this is the recreation of a crime scene. |
| 29003 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Meredith |
I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks. |
| 29004 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Dwight |
Hey shut up. You're dead. |
| 29005 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Jim |
Michael, can I talk to you in your office? |
| 29006 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Michael |
No Michael here, my name is- |
| 29007 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4449 |
Jim |
Caleb! |
| 29008 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4450 |
Jim |
Today of all days... |
| 29009 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4450 |
Michael |
No, you shut up. They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, alright? |
| 29010 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Michael |
Oh, you startled me. My stars, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. What can I do you for? |
| 29011 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Erin |
Wallace is on the phone. He's returning your call. |
| 29012 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Michael |
Detective Wallace? |
| 29013 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Erin |
I don't think so. I think it's David Wallace from Dunder Mifflin. |
| 29014 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Michael |
Aw, shucks, tell him I'm not here. |
| 29015 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Oscar |
You're not gonna answer the phone? |
| 29016 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Michael |
No, I only answer to Detective Wallace 'cause I got a warm body in the other room. |
| 29017 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4451 |
Jim |
I'll take it. |
| 29018 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
Jim |
Hey David. |
| 29019 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
David |
Hey, sorry to be getting back to you guys so late. Things are still a bit unclear, we didn't officially decide anything yet. |
| 29020 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
Jim |
Oh, OK. |
| 29021 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
David |
But if I can be candid with you here Jim, it's not good. We fully expect to be out of money by the end of the year. Insolvent. So, well... You know what? I'm sorry, I have to run. But we will talk soon, OK? |
| 29022 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
Jim |
Sure. Oh, you know, while I have you... today I was working on this pitch for a supermarket chain, and it would actually be a big account and I wanted to- |
| 29023 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
David |
You know what? I can't really get my head around anything like that right now, but that's great. Keep after it, but I gotta run. |
| 29024 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 29025 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
David |
Thanks Jim. |
| 29026 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4452 |
Jim |
See ya. |
| 29027 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Pam |
What's the news? |
| 29028 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Jim |
Nothing yet. |
| 29029 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Phyllis |
Well, I guess that's not- |
| 29030 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Jim |
Well there is some bad news. There has been another murder. |
| 29031 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Michael |
A murder, you say? I do declare. |
| 29032 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Jim |
Conference room everyone. |
| 29033 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Stanley |
Do we have to play? |
| 29034 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Jim |
No. |
| 29035 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Stanley |
Super. |
| 29036 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Dwight |
Oh, this could be a juicy one. |
| 29037 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4453 |
Michael |
Get in there! |
| 29038 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4454 |
Jim |
I think today was a good day to have two managers. 'Cause if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids. And I get that now. |
| 29039 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4455 |
Michael |
There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My little heart can barely take it no more. Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time. |
| 29040 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Andy |
I didn't do it! |
| 29041 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Dwight |
OK, everybody just calm down. |
| 29042 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Andy |
I am calm. |
| 29043 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Michael |
On the count of three we're all going to put down our guns. |
| 29044 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Dwight |
I have crossbows. |
| 29045 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Michael |
We'll put down our weaponry on the count of three, you ready? |
| 29046 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Dwight |
OK, I'm ready. |
| 29047 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4456 |
Michael |
One, two, three.. |
| 29048 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4457 |
Jim |
Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that - get this- he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00. |
| 29049 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4458 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 29050 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4458 |
Pam |
It wasn't me. I'm not goin' down for this! |
| 29051 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4458 |
Jim |
Yeah, I want to go home. |
| 29052 |
6 |
10 |
Murder |
4458 |
Pam |
Get the keys out of my purse, start the car. |
| 29053 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4459 |
Oscar |
Not again. |
| 29054 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4459 |
Dwight |
Bow down before Recyclops. |
| 29055 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4460 |
Jim |
Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops. |
| 29056 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4461 |
Dwight |
Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter? |
| 29057 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4462 |
Jim |
The next year he really stepped things up. |
| 29058 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4463 |
Dwight |
Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin? |
| 29059 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4464 |
Jim |
A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape. |
| 29060 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4465 |
Dwight |
Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns. |
| 29061 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4466 |
Jim |
Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember. |
| 29062 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4467 |
Dwight |
Recyclops will have his revenge. |
| 29063 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4468 |
Jim |
I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved. |
| 29064 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Pam |
Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops. |
| 29065 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Dwight |
Recyclops destroys! |
| 29066 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Stanley |
Oh, is today Recyclops Day? |
| 29067 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 29068 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Stanley |
I thought you were killed by Polluticorn. |
| 29069 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Dwight |
Polluticorn wishes. |
| 29070 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Andy |
That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment. |
| 29071 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4469 |
Dwight |
Humans are terrible for the environment. |
| 29072 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4470 |
Pam |
The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child. |
| 29073 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4470 |
Jim |
Mmm. |
| 29074 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4470 |
Pam |
A world where you truly can be anything you want. |
| 29075 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4470 |
Jim |
God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart. |
| 29076 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Michael |
Ok. Ok. How 'bout this? |
| 29077 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Pam |
That's great. |
| 29078 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Michael |
I want it to be better than 'Great', Pam. How 'bout I remain seated... and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing. |
| 29079 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 29080 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Michael |
Nope. Then my face is down. They can't see my face. |
| 29081 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4471 |
Meredith |
And it looks like you're taking a dump. |
| 29082 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4472 |
Michael |
Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild. |
| 29083 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Andy |
Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott. |
| 29084 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Pam |
Don't do the twirl. |
| 29085 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Phyllis |
Lose the twirl. |
| 29086 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Dwight |
The twirl sucks. |
| 29087 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Kevin |
Michael, I hated the twirl. |
| 29088 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Andy |
Hate the twirl! |
| 29089 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Michael |
Ok. Obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave. |
| 29090 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4473 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, good. Don't do it. |
| 29091 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4474 |
Michael |
I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. I might do the spin. |
| 29092 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Oscar |
The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it. |
| 29093 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Michael |
Ok, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points. |
| 29094 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Oscar |
Those are the bullet points. |
| 29095 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Michael |
Well, could you condense it please? |
| 29096 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Oscar |
That's as simple as I can make it. |
| 29097 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Erin |
Michael? The limo's here for you. |
| 29098 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Michael |
It's not a limo. It's a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling. |
| 29099 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Erin |
He said limousine, so... |
| 29100 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Kevin |
Check it out, guys. There's a limo down here. Michael, look. Oh, man. |
| 29101 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4475 |
Michael |
They sent a limo. |
| 29102 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4476 |
Michael |
Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me. |
| 29103 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that. |
| 29104 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Dwight |
What kind of mileage does this baby get? |
| 29105 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Erin |
It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows. |
| 29106 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Oscar |
This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs. |
| 29107 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs. |
| 29108 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Dwight |
Calves. Calves all the way. |
| 29109 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Andy |
I'm so jealous right now. |
| 29110 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited and you're invited and you're invited and you and you and you and you and you and you- |
| 29111 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Limo Driver |
Car seats eight. |
| 29112 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
What? |
| 29113 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Limo Driver |
The car seats eight. |
| 29114 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest. |
| 29115 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Jim, Pam |
No thanks. |
| 29116 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Ryan |
I'll use it when you're done. |
| 29117 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4477 |
Michael |
Mmm... whoa. |
| 29118 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4478 |
Oscar |
The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. |
| 29119 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Michael |
I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here. |
| 29120 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Andy |
Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had s*x in here? |
| 29121 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Michael |
Definitely. |
| 29122 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Dwight |
Smells like it. |
| 29123 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Michael |
Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That's bigger than my bed. |
| 29124 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Dwight |
Word. |
| 29125 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Andy |
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! |
| 29126 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4479 |
Michael |
Who's playing with the button? |
| 29127 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook? |
| 29128 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Ryan |
Uh, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under. |
| 29129 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
But if the company doesn't go under then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program. |
| 29130 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Ryan |
The company's probably going under, though. |
| 29131 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
Could go either way. |
| 29132 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Ryan |
Seems like it's leaning one way. |
| 29133 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
Maybe we should just wait and find out. |
| 29134 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Ryan |
Definitely. |
| 29135 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 29136 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Ryan |
So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff? |
| 29137 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4480 |
Jim |
Nah. Might as well do it now. |
| 29138 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Andy |
Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what? |
| 29139 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Michael |
I will have to answer. |
| 29140 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Dwight |
I'll ask you a question. |
| 29141 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Andy |
Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park. |
| 29142 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Dwight |
Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it? |
| 29143 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Michael |
No, no. That's too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.' I won't say that. I'll something like that. |
| 29144 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Andy |
This is your big day. Come on. |
| 29145 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4481 |
Michael |
Oh, my god. This is it. |
| 29146 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Laurie |
Mr. Scott? |
| 29147 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 29148 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Laurie |
I'm Laurie. |
| 29149 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Michael |
Oh, hi. |
| 29150 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Laurie |
Thank you for joining us. Come with me. |
| 29151 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Michael |
Well, thank you and, and please call - continue to call me Mr. Scott. |
| 29152 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Laurie |
Ok. If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge. |
| 29153 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Michael |
Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So - |
| 29154 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Andy |
Kay. |
| 29155 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Dwight |
Good luck, Michael. |
| 29156 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4482 |
Michael |
See you later. |
| 29157 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Officers. Thank you. |
| 29158 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Laurie |
After you, Mr. Scott. |
| 29159 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 29160 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
David |
Michael. |
| 29161 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 29162 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
David |
So glad you could make it. |
| 29163 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 29164 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
David |
How was the ride? |
| 29165 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime. |
| 29166 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
David |
I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we'll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton. |
| 29167 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Alan |
It's nice to meet you, Michael. |
| 29168 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
It's nice to meet you, too. It's an honor and a privilege. |
| 29169 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
David |
Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe. |
| 29170 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4483 |
Michael |
Ah. Your eminence. |
| 29171 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4484 |
Registrar |
For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles. |
| 29172 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4484 |
Dwight |
Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Ah. Damn it. Wha- okay |
| 29173 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4485 |
Dwight |
I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy. |
| 29174 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4486 |
Oscar |
Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple. |
| 29175 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4486 |
Andy |
Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line. |
| 29176 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4486 |
Oscar |
Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you. |
| 29177 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4486 |
Andy |
Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis? |
| 29178 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4486 |
Dwight |
How is he gonna have grandkids? |
| 29179 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Michael |
You guys ever protect the president? |
| 29180 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Security |
No. |
| 29181 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Michael |
What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous? |
| 29182 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Security |
Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado. |
| 29183 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Alan |
Alright, guys. You ready? |
| 29184 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4487 |
Michael |
Rock and roll. |
| 29185 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4488 |
Alan |
Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever. |
| 29186 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4488 |
Michael |
This is not as much fun as I thought it would be. |
| 29187 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4488 |
David |
It was fun when we weren't on the brink of bankruptcy. |
| 29188 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4488 |
Michael |
We're going bankrupt, you think? They are really angry. |
| 29189 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4488 |
Alan |
The shareholders need to empower our leadership - |
| 29190 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Woman in line |
I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place? |
| 29191 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Man in line |
Sure. |
| 29192 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Dwight |
No. You will not. |
| 29193 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Woman in line |
Excuse me? |
| 29194 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Dwight |
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences? |
| 29195 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Woman in line |
It'll just be a second. |
| 29196 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4489 |
Dwight |
Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest. |
| 29197 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4490 |
Alan |
... and we're confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin's future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager. |
| 29198 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4490 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 29199 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4490 |
Alan |
In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. |
| 29200 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now? |
| 29201 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Phyllis |
Bob took me to Capello's. We got a little tipsy. |
| 29202 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Ok. You shouldn't be telling me that stuff and also shouldn't be taking two hour lunches without telling me. |
| 29203 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Phyllis |
Oh, it's ok. Michael doesn't really care about these things. |
| 29204 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
I care about them and I'm just as much of a boss as Michael. What's so funny? I'm a co-manager. |
| 29205 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Stanley |
That doesn't make you a boss. |
| 29206 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Phyllis |
It's not like you can fire people or anything. |
| 29207 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Well - who? How did you? Who, who told you this? |
| 29208 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Phyllis |
Ryan. |
| 29209 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Stanley |
Can't say. |
| 29210 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Phyllis |
Sorry. Plastered. |
| 29211 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael? |
| 29212 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Pam |
Stuff gets around. I don't participate. |
| 29213 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Who here heard it from Ryan? |
| 29214 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Kevin |
Does and email count? |
| 29215 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 29216 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 29217 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4491 |
Jim |
I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael? |
| 29218 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4492 |
Pam |
I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one. |
| 29219 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4493 |
Oscar |
These questions are bush league. |
| 29220 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4493 |
Andy |
You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. Don't be a wuss. |
| 29221 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4494 |
Andy |
I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose . |
| 29222 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
David |
Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship. |
| 29223 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Shareholder |
You're a criminal. |
| 29224 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That's - |
| 29225 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Female Shareholder |
Limousine? |
| 29226 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 29227 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Second Shareholder |
You're all corrupt. You should be in jail. |
| 29228 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4495 |
Alan |
Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions. |
| 29229 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4496 |
Ryan |
Do you love her or do you love the idea of her? |
| 29230 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4496 |
Creed |
I don't know, man. I just don't know. |
| 29231 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Jim |
I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him? |
| 29232 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Pam |
Can you actually fire people? |
| 29233 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Jim |
To be honest, I don't know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people. |
| 29234 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Pam |
Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone. |
| 29235 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Jim |
Oh, well I yell. You've heard me yell. |
| 29236 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Pam |
Oh. Ok. I've heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, 'Hey, look. We parked over here!'. |
| 29237 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Jim |
Well, that was apple-picking day and there's no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day. |
| 29238 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4497 |
Pam |
Well, you'll figure it out. |
| 29239 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4498 |
Alan |
Ok. We're gonna take a 15 minute break and then we're gonna answer more questions. |
| 29240 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4498 |
Third Shareholder |
You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy. |
| 29241 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4498 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers. I - ok. I know that you're mad at me and you're mad at all them - |
| 29242 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4498 |
Fourth Shareholder |
How are you gonna fix the company? |
| 29243 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4498 |
Michael |
Ok. Alright. We are gonna - we're gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. 45 points. It's a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. And you can take that to the bank. And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. I love you, New York! You. You. |
| 29244 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
Hey, Ryan. How's it going? |
| 29245 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
Here's the thing. Um, I've tried it like five different ways in my head and - Oh, got one. Um, I'm such a perfectionist... |
| 29246 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 29247 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
That I'd kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version. |
| 29248 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
Simple data entry, though. So there's really only one way to do it. |
| 29249 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it? |
| 29250 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
You know what? |
| 29251 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 29252 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
I think I know the problem. |
| 29253 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
Great. |
| 29254 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
I think you seem distracted. |
| 29255 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
Yep, that is a problem. |
| 29256 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it's really gonna help. |
| 29257 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Ryan |
Well, I'm glad you're finally being proactive, Jim. |
| 29258 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4499 |
Jim |
I am, too. Let me show you. |
| 29259 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Wow. Things are really picking up. |
| 29260 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
O'Keefe |
What was that about? |
| 29261 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
What? |
| 29262 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Alan |
You were supposed to wave. |
| 29263 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
I did wave. I did a lot more than wave. |
| 29264 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You've dug us quite a hole. |
| 29265 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
We tell them the plan, right? |
| 29266 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
There is no plan. |
| 29267 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Here's what we're gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes. |
| 29268 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
O'Keefe |
Excuse me? |
| 29269 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out. |
| 29270 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
O'Keefe |
Who the hell is this guy? |
| 29271 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
I am the guy who roused that crowd. |
| 29272 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
Yes. |
| 29273 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Got them on their feet. |
| 29274 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
Yes. |
| 29275 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
They were so happy down there. |
| 29276 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
Yes. |
| 29277 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Alan |
Who cares? |
| 29278 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor. |
| 29279 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
No. No. No. No. No. No. Don't call anybody, Michael. |
| 29280 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
Well, I'm texting him, so. |
| 29281 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
David |
Please do not text anybody, now, Michael. |
| 29282 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4500 |
Michael |
It's done. |
| 29283 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4501 |
Michael |
Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don't be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don't you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away. |
| 29284 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Jim |
I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone's attention. I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people. |
| 29285 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Ryan |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 29286 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Jim |
Let me show you what I mean. Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done. |
| 29287 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Ryan |
I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight. |
| 29288 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 29289 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Ryan |
Uh, I'm very sorry... about everything. |
| 29290 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Jim |
You're a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy it. |
| 29291 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4502 |
Ryan |
Is there internet? |
| 29292 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
Ummm... |
| 29293 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
Tell them what you told me. This is genius. |
| 29294 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
Ok |
| 29295 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and - this is all - |
| 29296 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
Um.. |
| 29297 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
It's all good. It's all good stuff. Lay it on them. |
| 29298 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands. |
| 29299 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better. |
| 29300 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
I think this has gone very well and I thank you. |
| 29301 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
O-kay. Oh... hey, hey. What are you doing? |
| 29302 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
Michael, I didn't ask to come up here. |
| 29303 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
Wow, man. That - |
| 29304 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 29305 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
That was embarrassing. |
| 29306 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
For me. |
| 29307 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
For me, too. You embarrassed me. |
| 29308 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Oscar |
You - |
| 29309 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow. |
| 29310 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
O'Keefe |
He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron? |
| 29311 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4503 |
Michael |
Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron. |
| 29312 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4504 |
Michael |
Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, 'Wow. Great job.' That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate. |
| 29313 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4505 |
O'Keefe |
He can take the bus. He's had his limo ride. |
| 29314 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4506 |
Michael |
Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin! |
| 29315 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4507 |
Alan |
The gentleman in the, uh, glasses. |
| 29316 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4507 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to. |
| 29317 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4507 |
Alan |
Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions. |
| 29318 |
6 |
11 |
Shareholder Meeting |
4507 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 29319 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
You wanted to see me? |
| 29320 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Yeah, Have a seat. |
| 29321 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Is it serious? Wow. Andy's a wittle scared. |
| 29322 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Okay, right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk. |
| 29323 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Why would people say that? |
| 29324 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
I have it on good authority that you said the following. Can you read that back to me? |
| 29325 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Andy have a boo-boo tummy. |
| 29326 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 29327 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Would you rather me say "Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?" |
| 29328 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 29329 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
"Crazy diarrhea happening right now?" Cause things can get real adult real fast. |
| 29330 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
You are also on record as saying "wittle-ittle," "footy-wutties," "nummies," "jammies," "make boom-boom," "widiculous," and "wode iwand." |
| 29331 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy. |
| 29332 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies. |
| 29333 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying. |
| 29334 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Okay, who said that? |
| 29335 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic. |
| 29336 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
Well, thank you... thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops. |
| 29337 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Andy |
Tank you Mr. Elwis. |
| 29338 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4508 |
Michael |
You're welcome, baby. |
| 29339 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Andy |
Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news. |
| 29340 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Jim |
Wait, are you the patient or the doctor? |
| 29341 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Andy |
The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays. |
| 29342 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Jim |
Wow, what do you put our chances at? |
| 29343 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Andy |
0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat! |
| 29344 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Jim |
Hmm, sounds risky. |
| 29345 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4509 |
Andy |
Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one. |
| 29346 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4510 |
Andy |
Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron. |
| 29347 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4511 |
Jim |
Wow, that's not such a bad idea. |
| 29348 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4511 |
Andy |
Great! |
| 29349 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4511 |
Jim |
Anything else? |
| 29350 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4511 |
Andy |
Nope! |
| 29351 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
Frankie's Dirty Joke of the Day? There's a bunch of those. |
| 29352 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Keep. |
| 29353 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
There's a bunch of Sent e-mails that jusy say "Delivered." Should I delete all of those? |
| 29354 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
I want to keep those so I can see what I sent. |
| 29355 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
That's why you have a "Sent Mail" folder. |
| 29356 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Keep. |
| 29357 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
There's about 30 news alerts for "Nip Slip." |
| 29358 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
For what? |
| 29359 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
"Nip slip." |
| 29360 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Oh okay. I don't know how those got on there... |
| 29361 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
Well... |
| 29362 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Must be hackers. |
| 29363 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
Hey. What's up? |
| 29364 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever, would you still want to be my friend? |
| 29365 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
Did you murder someone? |
| 29366 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Worse than that. |
| 29367 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Erin |
Oh, my God. |
| 29368 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Lurk much? I miss Pam. |
| 29369 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
I think she's okay. |
| 29370 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Is that what we're going for now? "okay?" We used to go for "pretty good." |
| 29371 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
Great. Hey, how do you feel about starting an Employee of the Month program? |
| 29372 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but... |
| 29373 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
You're not in it at all, because you can't be employee of the month, you're a manager. |
| 29374 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities, but I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month. |
| 29375 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Jim |
It would look bad. Sorry. |
| 29376 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4512 |
Michael |
It would look good, on my mantle. |
| 29377 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4513 |
Andy |
Jim's talking to Michael right now. They totally went for our idea! |
| 29378 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4513 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Your idea. |
| 29379 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4514 |
Dwight |
My idea. I just need Andy to think it's his idea. So it won't get traced back to me. In approximately six hours, Jim will get a phone call from David Wallace. He will be fired. |
| 29380 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Erin |
Hey Pam, do you have a sec to check over this inventory? |
| 29381 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Pam |
Looks great. |
| 29382 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Erin |
Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't. |
| 29383 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Pam |
Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence? |
| 29384 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Michael |
There you are. I don't think we have finished with my Inbox. |
| 29385 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Phyllis |
What's "Scott's Tots?" |
| 29386 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4515 |
Stanley |
Has it really been ten years? |
| 29387 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4516 |
Stanley |
"Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders" |
| 29388 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Pam |
Michael, why did you promise that? |
| 29389 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Michael |
To change lives. |
| 29390 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Pam |
No Michael, why would you promise that? |
| 29391 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Michael |
Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this. |
| 29392 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Erin |
We've already rescheduled seven times. |
| 29393 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Pam |
Michael, this is a terrible terrible thing you've done. |
| 29394 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 29395 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Pam |
It's terrible. |
| 29396 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Michael |
No. |
| 29397 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4517 |
Pam |
Just terrible. And the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to get. |
| 29398 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4518 |
Michael |
I just, I fell in love with those kids. and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system, so I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous. |
| 29399 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Michael |
Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right? |
| 29400 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Pam |
No! |
| 29401 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Michael |
I'm not a bad person, I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. Okay, all right. |
| 29402 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Pam |
You have to tell them. |
| 29403 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Michael |
Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of... |
| 29404 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Erin |
I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it. |
| 29405 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Pam |
It's fine. Erin, you're going to go. And you're going to make sure Michael tells the truth. |
| 29406 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4519 |
Michael |
Agh, God, you know what, could this day get any worse? |
| 29407 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
Hey Jimmy, what's up? |
| 29408 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
Not much. |
| 29409 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office. |
| 29410 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
Thanks Dwight. |
| 29411 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
That laugh is so infectious. |
| 29412 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go. |
| 29413 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
I didn't mean any of those things I just said. And you can expect the same from everyone in this office if you don't nip this whole Employee of the Month situation in the bud. Make it about the work. |
| 29414 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
Let me guess, you think you should get it. |
| 29415 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
This encompasses all available data. Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. Everyone has been assigned a random number for total fairness and transparency. Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize. |
| 29416 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
Well, in an ideal world... |
| 29417 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching. |
| 29418 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
Okay, if it's all the same to you, I'm just going to take away "Survival Skills" and "Self-defense." |
| 29419 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Dwight |
I'm going to run this by Toby and Accounting and have him assemble the data. |
| 29420 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4520 |
Jim |
That's okay, I'll do it. |
| 29421 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
Mr. Scott? |
| 29422 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Hey, Mikela Lasker, how are you? |
| 29423 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
I'm good. |
| 29424 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Good to see you. Where's your saxaphone? |
| 29425 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
It's in the music room, Mr. Scott. |
| 29426 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Eigth grade graduation, she gave a rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In that would blow your freaking mind. |
| 29427 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Erin |
Wow! |
| 29428 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Well, you didn't even hear it. |
| 29429 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
Everyone's so excited that you're here today. |
| 29430 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Oh, good. |
| 29431 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
Now, I know you probably want to see everyone, but I was wondering if I could ask you some questions first? |
| 29432 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Sure. |
| 29433 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Erin |
You're famous. |
| 29434 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
I'm sure you remember this place. |
| 29435 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. |
| 29436 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Mikela |
Do you want to go in? |
| 29437 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4521 |
Michael |
No, not at all. Nope, come on. |
| 29438 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4522 |
Michael |
Oh, you know what? You know what? I shouldn't go in there. I'm pretty busy, I should just... |
| 29439 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4522 |
Mikela |
We just want to say thanks. |
| 29440 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4522 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 29441 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4522 |
Students |
Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! |
| 29442 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4523 |
Teacher |
Mr. Scott, I know you're a busy man, and your schedule moves around a lot. But through all your generosity through the years, your tots, who are ready to graduate, thought it was time to give you a proper thank you. |
| 29443 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4523 |
Students |
Oh! What? Oh! Break it down! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! |
| 29444 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4523 |
Lefevre |
You came into our lives and made a promise, made us honest, made us realize, we don't need to compromise, cause we can have it all! Cause you made it possible, for us to achieve the improbable! |
| 29445 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4523 |
Students |
Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! |
| 29446 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4523 |
Michael |
Wow! |
| 29447 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Dwight |
Hey, so Jim thought it would be ideal if we all pitched in- |
| 29448 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Kevin |
Hey. |
| 29449 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Dwight |
So Jim thought it would be ideal if we all pitched in a 20 for this whole Employee of the Month thing. |
| 29450 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Kevin |
Jim said that? |
| 29451 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Dwight |
He thought you were doing an incredible job last month. |
| 29452 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Kevin |
Jim said that? |
| 29453 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Dwight |
You seem suprised. |
| 29454 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Kevin |
No, no, that makes total sense. |
| 29455 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Dwight |
Hey buddy, so every- |
| 29456 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4524 |
Oscar |
Sure. |
| 29457 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4525 |
Dwight |
Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule. |
| 29458 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4526 |
Teacher |
Politicians are always coming around, telling us they're going to fix our schools, promising this and that. But you, Mr. Scott, you are actually doing it. You have taught these kids with hard work, that anything is possible. You are a dream maker and I thank you! I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, I thank you! So much. |
| 29459 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4527 |
Lefevre |
There were a lot of times over the years where I was pressured to get into the drug game. But I always thought back to my guardian angel, and the gift that you gave me. So I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to go to college, educate myself, and become the next President Obama. |
| 29460 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4527 |
Michael |
Oh, God. Oh, God. |
| 29461 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome. I know you're all very excited, but no matter who gets this, I just want to say that you are all employees of the monthin my eyes. And the winner is, employee number nine. And that is? |
| 29462 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Andy |
Number nine, number nine. Jim Halpert. |
| 29463 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Everyone |
Huh? What? |
| 29464 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Oscar |
Are you kidding me? |
| 29465 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Dwight |
Oh, no! |
| 29466 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
Okay, wait, I was not... I did not- |
| 29467 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Kevin |
I... I... I did not... That was not... How come not? |
| 29468 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
Guys, listen. This was anonymous, all right? There is no way I could've given it to myself because I didn't even know who was on here. I just gave it to the employee with the highest overall score. |
| 29469 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Angela |
To my tally, you just won back your own parking spot, a vacation day, and a nice, tidy quarter of $1,000 from all of us. |
| 29470 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
Will everybody stop for a second, because obviously I'm not taking any of it. A mistake has been made and we'll figure it out. Second of all, there was no cash prize. |
| 29471 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Angela |
Yes! |
| 29472 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
Dwight? |
| 29473 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Dwight |
Yeah, you said "In an ideal world, there would be a cash prize." Isn't that what you said? |
| 29474 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Jim |
No, Dwight, I meant... Yes, in a perfect world, someone would get money. But- |
| 29475 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4528 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, but in your perfect world, only you get money. |
| 29476 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Teacher |
Let's put your hands together and give a warm welcome for the man of the hour, Mr. Michael Scott. |
| 29477 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Michael |
All right. Wow. Um, I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between "A" gym and "B" gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands, anybody, yes, a bunch of you, okay. Well, me too, I've done something stupid which I would like to share. Ummm. Should we go? |
| 29478 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Teacher |
Oh, no. We're okay. It's a double period |
| 29479 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Michael |
Ah. All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay, you're going to make me say it. All right, I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre, and Ben, and Ayana, and Mikela, and Nikki and Jason, and... I'm sorry, okay, sorry spacing, your name? |
| 29480 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Zion |
I'm Zion, I'm Mikela's younger brother. |
| 29481 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4529 |
Michael |
Well Zion, I am not going to be paying for your college tuition. Which brings me to my main point and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so, so sorry. |
| 29482 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Michael |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. |
| 29483 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Mikela |
You lied to us. |
| 29484 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Michael |
I lied to myself too. I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil drems, some people have selfish dreams or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place. |
| 29485 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Lefevre |
You owe this to us! |
| 29486 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Michael |
Okay, hold on. Hold on. Now I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class to be in class. Online courses are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless without batteries, and I have one for each of you. |
| 29487 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4530 |
Michael |
Hey, hold-hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium. |
| 29488 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4531 |
Jim |
Look, there was a big mistake obviously, so I will fix it. Okay? This was your idea anyway. |
| 29489 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4531 |
Andy |
Correction. It was my idea. |
| 29490 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4531 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 29491 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4532 |
Dwight |
My idea! |
| 29492 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Creed |
Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not really even pregnant. |
| 29493 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Pam |
Ok, for the record, I am pregnant and, obviously there has been some kind of a mistake, so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list and we'll move on. |
| 29494 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Phyllis |
That's fair. |
| 29495 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Dwight |
Excellent idea, Pam. |
| 29496 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 29497 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Andy |
That would be employee number three, which would be... son of a bitch, Pam Halpert. |
| 29498 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Phyllis |
How is that possible? No offense Pam, but how the hell is that possible? |
| 29499 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Dwight |
There must be some reasonable explanation for this. |
| 29500 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Pam |
No, wait, come on. I didn't miss a day, I came in early, I stayed late, and I doubled my sales last month. |
| 29501 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4533 |
Andy |
Oh, really? From what, two to four? |
| 29502 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4534 |
Pam |
Yup. |
| 29503 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Jim |
Guys, this isn't some elaborate scam, okay? |
| 29504 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Deliveryman |
Hi, I have an order here for a custom cake, Jim Halpert. |
| 29505 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Jim |
Okay. That is me, but I didn't order the cake. |
| 29506 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Kevin |
Look who it is! |
| 29507 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Angela |
"It could only be you!" Way to go. |
| 29508 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Dwight |
He knew all along! |
| 29509 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4535 |
Kelly |
I'm going to have some cake. |
| 29510 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4536 |
Stephanie |
David Wallace's office. |
| 29511 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4536 |
Dwight |
This is Kevin Malone, is David there? |
| 29512 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4536 |
Stephanie |
No, he's in his weekly staff meeting, can I take a message? |
| 29513 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4536 |
Dwight |
Tell him I'm mad at Jim, because he's asking us to give money to Pam. |
| 29514 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4537 |
Dwight |
This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace. |
| 29515 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4538 |
Dwight |
It's Toby Flenderson. Listen, things are getting really bad down here. |
| 29516 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
Hey, Mr. Scott. |
| 29517 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
Erin, can you give us a second? |
| 29518 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
That was messed up what you did. |
| 29519 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
Yeah. Yeah. I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry. |
| 29520 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
Who does something like that? Who promises that to a bunch of kids and then just doesn't come through like that? |
| 29521 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
What can I do? |
| 29522 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
You can pay for my college. |
| 29523 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one. How about this? If you can find a way to pay for your college tuition, let me buy your books, okay? |
| 29524 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
They're expensive. |
| 29525 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right? |
| 29526 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
It's about $1,000. |
| 29527 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
Really? Wow. That's over $200 a year. |
| 29528 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
No, $1,000 each year. |
| 29529 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
For-okay, okay here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to write 4 checks for $1,000 each. I'm going to date them one year apart. Now, you are to use one check a year. And please call me before you cash the check? Cause I've got monies to move around. |
| 29530 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Lefevre |
Okay. Okay. Make it out to my mom, Rosa. |
| 29531 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4539 |
Michael |
That's a lot of zeroes. |
| 29532 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
Jim |
This is Jim. |
| 29533 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
David Wallace |
Jim, what the hell is happening there? |
| 29534 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
Jim |
Hey, uh David. |
| 29535 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
David |
Yes. |
| 29536 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
Jim |
So there was a little bit of a miscommunication here today. It's been a little wild, uh, but I am on it. |
| 29537 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
David |
Just so I understand, you started Employee of the Month, give it to yourself, then people complain, so you give it to your wife? |
| 29538 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
Jim |
No. |
| 29539 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
David |
Am I missing something? |
| 29540 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4540 |
Jim |
I really don't know how it happened, David. |
| 29541 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4541 |
Dwight |
I know how it happened. |
| 29542 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
David |
Jim, I bumped you up because I thought you could make my life easier. If you can't do that, we're going to have a separate discussion. |
| 29543 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Jim |
All right, it will not happen again. I promise. |
| 29544 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
David |
Uh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm taking this out on you. |
| 29545 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 29546 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
David |
It's been crazy here. You know I think you're doing a great job, right? |
| 29547 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 29548 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Jim |
Yeah. Thank you. |
| 29549 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 29550 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
David |
Okay. Hey, we still on for dinner this weekend? |
| 29551 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 29552 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 29553 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
David |
Okay. |
| 29554 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
Oh, you're kidding me! |
| 29555 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Jim |
See you. |
| 29556 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4542 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 29557 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do--- |
| 29558 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
Please stop. 15 lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today. |
| 29559 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
No. |
| 29560 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 29561 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
No, there's financial aid, uh, they could join the army or the navy. |
| 29562 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
You're what, like, 12? |
| 29563 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
The principal told me that 90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate, and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school. So I think if you hadn't made that promise, a lot of them would've dropped out. Which is something to think about, I think. |
| 29564 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
I think you're doing a great job. |
| 29565 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 29566 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
What do you want from this job, provided the company doesn't go out of business? |
| 29567 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
I've always wondered what it might be like to be an accountant. |
| 29568 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 29569 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
Yes, but I'm terrible at math so... |
| 29570 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
You know, when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse. |
| 29571 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Erin |
Seriously? |
| 29572 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael |
Yeah. I just sort've had a feeling about him. I have a feeling about you too. |
| 29573 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4543 |
Michael, Erin |
Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. |
| 29574 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Jim |
See you tomorrow, Dwight. |
| 29575 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Dwight |
Apparently. |
| 29576 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Ryan |
How's it going? Good day? |
| 29577 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Dwight |
Not now, Temp. |
| 29578 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Ryan |
Um, okay, so, um, listen. I know about your diabolical plan. |
| 29579 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Dwight |
What? Diabolical plan? I wouldn't even know how to begin a diabol... |
| 29580 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Ryan |
I found a copy of it in the copier tray. |
| 29581 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Dwight |
So what do you want? |
| 29582 |
6 |
12 |
Scott's Tots |
4544 |
Ryan |
I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in. |
| 29583 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Dwight |
Attention everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of-- |
| 29584 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Jim |
Too loud. |
| 29585 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Dwight |
#NAME? |
| 29586 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Jim |
Too, too loud. Too Loud. |
| 29587 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Dwight |
But effective, look! On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas. |
| 29588 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Everyone |
Merry Christmas. |
| 29589 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4545 |
Dwight |
Merry Christmas. Good. |
| 29590 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4546 |
Dwight |
My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. Hmmph! Not really! I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed. |
| 29591 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
It is time to unveil the tree. |
| 29592 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Oscar |
Hey, Rockefeller Center! |
| 29593 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 29594 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Ryan |
Uh, I have actually been to Rock Center, and this is nothing like that. |
| 29595 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
This is all we have. |
| 29596 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Ryan |
Ugh. |
| 29597 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
No, it's not "ugh." It is... office camaraderie. |
| 29598 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
It is warm feelings. |
| 29599 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Meredith |
Why don't we talk more about it instead of doing it? |
| 29600 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight! |
| 29601 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
Why would you start so high? |
| 29602 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Twenty- seven! Twenty-six! ... |
| 29603 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
Three, two, one! |
| 29604 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Phyllis |
Ooh. |
| 29605 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Pam |
Ah! |
| 29606 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Phyllis |
You didn't decorate it? |
| 29607 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
No. |
| 29608 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Exactly. |
| 29609 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
We didn't, because we think it'd be better to do it together. |
| 29610 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Everyone. |
| 29611 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Andy |
Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up? |
| 29612 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Pam |
Is it, is it fake? |
| 29613 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
Pam! |
| 29614 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die... |
| 29615 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 29616 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
Like the spirit of Christmas! |
| 29617 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Stanley |
We're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree? |
| 29618 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4547 |
Dwight |
This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas! |
| 29619 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4548 |
Erin |
Hello. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet. But whoever is giving me the Twelve Days of Christmas? As my Secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtledove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please. Stop. |
| 29620 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4548 |
Kelly |
What psycho would send that as a gift? |
| 29621 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4549 |
Andy |
I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds? |
| 29622 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Phyllis |
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas boys and girls! It's me, Santa Claus! |
| 29623 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Dwight |
Hey Santa! |
| 29624 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Oscar |
They finally let you do it! |
| 29625 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Phyllis |
Yeah! |
| 29626 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Kevin |
Congrats Phil! |
| 29627 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4550 |
Erin |
It's so edgy! |
| 29628 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4551 |
Phyllis |
I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim eleven weeks ago, and he said I could do it. It's been a long journey... but I'm Santa Claus! |
| 29629 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Pam |
So Santa, what can we expect from this party? |
| 29630 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Phyllis |
It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good! |
| 29631 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Creed |
What if you've been bad? |
| 29632 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Phyllis |
Oh then nothing but a lump of coal for you! |
| 29633 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Creed |
What if you've been really, really bad? More evil, and strictly wrong? |
| 29634 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Jim |
Hey, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal! |
| 29635 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4552 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 29636 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4553 |
Dwight |
For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea, for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, to find himself... in jail! |
| 29637 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4554 |
Pam |
You know Oscar every time I make this lasagna people ask me if it's a family recipe, but really, I just get the recipe from the box! |
| 29638 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4554 |
Oscar |
That's funny. |
| 29639 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4554 |
Pam |
Is it funny? I thought it was more ...interesting, than funny. I think my water just broke! |
| 29640 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4554 |
Oscar |
That's too funny. |
| 29641 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4555 |
Pam |
Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy! |
| 29642 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4556 |
Michael |
Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see. |
| 29643 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4556 |
Pam |
Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis. |
| 29644 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4556 |
Michael |
What the hell is going on? |
| 29645 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
Phyllis, Jim? Phyllis is Santa? |
| 29646 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 29647 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
Phyllis? |
| 29648 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Jim |
Yeah I told her a long time ago she could do it. |
| 29649 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
Take it back. That is absurd. |
| 29650 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Jim |
No, I'm not gonna do that. |
| 29651 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
No? No! Jim! Come on! |
| 29652 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Jim |
I think she's doing a good job. |
| 29653 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on! |
| 29654 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Jim |
I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa. |
| 29655 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4557 |
Michael |
Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can- I -you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those. |
| 29656 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4558 |
Michael |
If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore. |
| 29657 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! |
| 29658 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Group |
Okay... |
| 29659 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
No it's not, not like penis-wise. Hello little boy, what's your name? |
| 29660 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
Michael it's me, Kevin. Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap. |
| 29661 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Oh! I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you. And hates your body. But, Santa remembers a reindeer that was just a tiny bit different as well. |
| 29662 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
When can I sit on your lap? |
| 29663 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Right now! Come on over here, big boy! There we go. Oh my God. |
| 29664 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
That's really comfortable. |
| 29665 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
What would you like for Christmas little boy? |
| 29666 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that. |
| 29667 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
What did you think was going to happen? |
| 29668 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before. |
| 29669 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
All right, just say "some toys" please. |
| 29670 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list. |
| 29671 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Damn it Kevin, come on. |
| 29672 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
What about if I tell you the things I don't want? |
| 29673 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God! |
| 29674 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted! |
| 29675 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Michael |
Okay you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again. |
| 29676 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4559 |
Kevin |
Awesome. |
| 29677 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Phyllis |
Well? |
| 29678 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Jim |
I'm trying Phyllis. You're Santa. |
| 29679 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Phyllis |
The only Santa. |
| 29680 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Jim |
That's what I want. |
| 29681 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Phyllis |
You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved! |
| 29682 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Jim |
What would Bob do? |
| 29683 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4560 |
Phyllis |
Never mind, I shouldn't have said that. |
| 29684 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
Does it hurt? |
| 29685 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
It stings a lot. |
| 29686 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
Hmm. |
| 29687 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts. |
| 29688 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
I know, right? |
| 29689 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
So far no one will admit to it. |
| 29690 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
Huh! |
| 29691 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
Is it you? |
| 29692 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
Yeah! Totally! I admit it! It's me. |
| 29693 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
Seriously? |
| 29694 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
"Seriously?" Are you serious? |
| 29695 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Erin |
What? |
| 29696 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4561 |
Andy |
Yeah! Totally serious! I'm your Secret Santa! Busted! |
| 29697 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Oscar |
There he is. |
| 29698 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Daryl |
Hey. |
| 29699 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Oscar |
Is Matt around? I got his check. |
| 29700 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Daryl |
Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here, I'll take it. |
| 29701 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Oscar |
Ah, I'll just... wait for him. |
| 29702 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Daryl |
Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think? |
| 29703 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4562 |
Oscar |
I'll just leave it here with you. |
| 29704 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Ryan come here! |
| 29705 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Ryan |
Whoa, whoa. |
| 29706 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Come on, come on. |
| 29707 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Ryan |
I'm doing something over here. |
| 29708 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here! |
| 29709 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Ryan |
What are you talking about? |
| 29710 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Just sit down! |
| 29711 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Ryan |
No no no. |
| 29712 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Hey hey hey. Everything okay? |
| 29713 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Yup. Ryan and I are just having some fun! |
| 29714 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Can I just talk to you for a second? |
| 29715 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Whoop! Okay, what? |
| 29716 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap! |
| 29717 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless! |
| 29718 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 29719 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Do you understand, you forced my hand? |
| 29720 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Michael, it's Phyllis. We want Phyllis as Santa. |
| 29721 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Oh, do we? Do "We?" Is that what "we" want? Why don't "we" take a vote on it? |
| 29722 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Great! |
| 29723 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
Hey! Okay! Everybody! The office is being pulled apart! I realize that. There are traditions at stake. And there are-- |
| 29724 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
Who wants Phyllis as Santa? |
| 29725 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
No no no wait! No! There are other choices, there is information that we -- Are you kidding me? Kevin? After you almost killed me? |
| 29726 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Kevin |
Michael I had you. I just want to try Phyllis. |
| 29727 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Jim |
And if you want Michael as Santa, raise your hand. Can I get you some punch? |
| 29728 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Michael |
I'll get some punch. That looks delicious. |
| 29729 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4563 |
Office |
Aw, Michael! |
| 29730 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Dwight |
Excuse me. Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger. |
| 29731 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Phyllis |
How do you know it's a gun? |
| 29732 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Dwight |
What else does it look like? |
| 29733 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Stanley |
Not a gun. |
| 29734 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Dwight |
Well I don't have all the pieces yet. |
| 29735 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Stanley |
Well, unless the missing piece is a gun, you don't have a gun. |
| 29736 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4564 |
Dwight |
Not a gun. |
| 29737 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4565 |
Phyllis |
In the North Pole I spend many nights alone tinkering with toys. So today, let's put a twinkle in Ole Kris Kringle's eye! Let the party begin! |
| 29738 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4566 |
Michael |
I don't ask for much for Christmas, I really don't. It's not like I'm begging people to buy me diamonds and ...broach pendants. "Oh buy me something expensive or I'm gonna kill myself." That's not - I don't care about that. All I want to be is Santa. And, you want to take that away from me? Fine. Go ahead. But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, don't look at me. |
| 29739 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Michael |
Behold! Jesus Christ. And I bring to you glad Christmas tidings. I want to remind everyone the true meaning of Christmas. Those of you who wish to join me, that's great. I'm excited by that. And those of you who don't, I forgive you. But I never forget. |
| 29740 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Toby |
Wow Michael, like this must be obvious how wrong this is. |
| 29741 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Michael |
Oh the Anti-Christ! |
| 29742 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Toby |
You can't, Ow. Look, you cannot push religion. |
| 29743 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Michael |
Oh but I can push drugs in here? Is that what you're saying? |
| 29744 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Toby |
No! |
| 29745 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4567 |
Michael |
Well you have to pick one or the other. Your choice. Pick your poison. Get back to me. In the meantime, I am going to spread my goodness all over this company! |
| 29746 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4568 |
Andy |
Hey Phyllis, could you not reveal to Erin that I'm her Secret Santa? |
| 29747 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4568 |
Phyllis |
All right sweetie, I'll tell her its Michael. |
| 29748 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4568 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 29749 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Kelly, Erin |
I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas day, on Christmas day... |
| 29750 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Have you talked to him? |
| 29751 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Oscar |
Who? |
| 29752 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Matt? |
| 29753 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Oscar |
Is it that obvious? No- hey... |
| 29754 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Mmm! Good pate, right? Oscar made it. Have you met Oscar? |
| 29755 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Matt |
I don't think so. |
| 29756 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Hey, Oscar, come here. Oscar, this is Matt, and um, Matt loves your pate. |
| 29757 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Matt |
I had some. |
| 29758 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Oscar's pate is great. I could eat it all day, every day. Mmm. How come the good ones are never straight, right? |
| 29759 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Oscar |
Okay Pam. |
| 29760 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4569 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 29761 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4570 |
Pam |
Yes! They're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together. |
| 29762 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Phyllis |
This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch! |
| 29763 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Dwight |
We don't have a North Pole branch. Idiot. |
| 29764 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
Uh oh, what's Dwight gonna get? What is iiiit? |
| 29765 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 29766 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
Oh yes. It's space garbage. Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend! Deck the halls with crappy gifts... |
| 29767 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Phyllis |
Ho ho ho! For Stanley! Ho ho ho! You've been very good this year - |
| 29768 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Stanley |
I have. |
| 29769 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. Adultery's a sin, look it up in the Bible people. What'd you get? |
| 29770 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Kevin |
He got scented candles! |
| 29771 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
Oh, that's appropriate. Lot of fire where you're going. Better get used to it. You're going to H-E-L-L double hockey sticks. You're going to Hell Stanley. |
| 29772 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Angela |
Amen. |
| 29773 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Phyllis |
And this brings us to you, little one. |
| 29774 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
I can't see from here people. Somebody shout it out, don't make me get up. |
| 29775 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Angela |
It's fabric! I really wanted this. |
| 29776 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
That's fantastic. You can make another dress that goes past your feet. |
| 29777 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Angela |
Andy, is this you? |
| 29778 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
No! |
| 29779 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Phyllis |
It's a secret. |
| 29780 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
Andy had Erin. |
| 29781 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Andy |
Nnnnya. |
| 29782 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Michael |
What? Was I not supposed to say it? What? Turn it back on. |
| 29783 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4571 |
Jim |
No. |
| 29784 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Yes Michael, what is so urgent? |
| 29785 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
David, guess who I'm sitting here dressed as. |
| 29786 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
I'm not going to guess. You can tell me or I am going to hang up. |
| 29787 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
I'll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards. |
| 29788 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Michael... |
| 29789 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
I'm Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as Santa. |
| 29790 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Michael- |
| 29791 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
What? |
| 29792 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
This is a very very bad time. |
| 29793 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
Really? What's going on? |
| 29794 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Stephanie, can you hop off please? |
| 29795 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Stephanie |
Sure David. |
| 29796 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
What the hell? How rude! Does she do that all the time? |
| 29797 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Erin |
Do you want me off the call too Michael? |
| 29798 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
Hey! Get off! Get off the phone! |
| 29799 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Listen, I shouldn't tell you this, but the company has a buyer. The board will have no choice to approve. They are going to clean house. |
| 29800 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
What does that mean? |
| 29801 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
I'll be fired. |
| 29802 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
Well, can't Alan protect you? |
| 29803 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Alan will be out too. All of us. |
| 29804 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
All of us? |
| 29805 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
David |
Goodbye Michael. |
| 29806 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4572 |
Michael |
Oh my God. |
| 29807 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4573 |
Michael |
Earlier today this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. And now, it needs a Michael. And that's one suit Phyllis cannot fit into. |
| 29808 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
Hey. How's everybody doing? |
| 29809 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Jim |
Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half. |
| 29810 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus sort of ruined the party. Hurt petulant Jesus. |
| 29811 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Angela |
Are you serious? This is so offensive. |
| 29812 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
You know what's even more offensive, is baling on this party because some... jerk ruined the first part of it. Dwight come here. Here's my debit card, I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas and meet me in the conference room. |
| 29813 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Dwight |
What's your pin number? |
| 29814 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
I don't want to say. But, "it's fun to stay at the -" |
| 29815 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
"It's fun to stay at the -" |
| 29816 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Dwight |
Where? Holiday Inn? I don't ... |
| 29817 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4574 |
Michael |
Mmm, mm mm mm. |
| 29818 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4575 |
Andy |
I, I thought that you would like it. |
| 29819 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4575 |
Erin |
It was a little much Andy. |
| 29820 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4575 |
Andy |
Well it's the thought that counts. |
| 29821 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4575 |
Erin |
What were you thinking? |
| 29822 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4576 |
Andy |
I suppose a gentlemen might... throw in the towel, at this point. Guess what? Not gonna happen. |
| 29823 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
You know what, Christmas isn't about Santa, or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. And Pam, you're my wife. And Jim. And Angela and Phyllis, you are my Grandmas. And Stanley, you're our mailman. And I can't help but look at all your wonderful beautiful faces and think, "How could they do this to us?" |
| 29824 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
What? |
| 29825 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Pam |
How could we do what? |
| 29826 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
It's not... Nevermind. Nothing. |
| 29827 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Stanley |
We deserve to know. |
| 29828 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
I didn't say anything! |
| 29829 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Angela |
If you know something Michael... |
| 29830 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
We're going out of business! |
| 29831 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Group |
WHAT? |
| 29832 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
What? |
| 29833 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Dwight |
You are kidding me! |
| 29834 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
Wait wait wait, who said that? |
| 29835 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
David told me on the phone. David told me. |
| 29836 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Dwight |
When? When did he tell you? Today? |
| 29837 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
Earlier today. |
| 29838 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Dwight |
Awww! |
| 29839 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
He said, we have been sold. |
| 29840 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
What? |
| 29841 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Dwight |
Aaaarrhh! |
| 29842 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
Dwight! Jesus! |
| 29843 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Angela |
Come on! |
| 29844 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
Michael, wait. So they said we are sold? |
| 29845 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
David's gone. Alan's gone. We're all gone. |
| 29846 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
Okay. We haven't gone under. We've been sold and that can mean many different things. |
| 29847 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
It's hard for me to imagine a scenario, where Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not - no offense Meredith. |
| 29848 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Meredith |
No, I get it. |
| 29849 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
I'll call him. I'll call David. |
| 29850 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Jim |
No, you won't, because he's not picking up his phone. |
| 29851 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4577 |
Michael |
Yes, I will. Because I always know how to get through to him. |
| 29852 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4578 |
Michael |
He told me where his kids go to school. I call the school, I tell them I'm a pediatrician. They patch me through to his secretary. I use my little girl voice. Badda bing, badda boom. |
| 29853 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
Hey Sweetie, what is it? |
| 29854 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
It's not sweetie, it's Michael Scott. |
| 29855 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
What the hell? |
| 29856 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
Stephanie could you hop off please? |
| 29857 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
Michael, I have never- |
| 29858 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
David! |
| 29859 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
Ever, ever... |
| 29860 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
David, you are on speakerphone with the entire branch, and the warehouse. |
| 29861 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Dwight |
Hey David. |
| 29862 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Kelly |
Hi David! |
| 29863 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
Hello everyone. |
| 29864 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
David, they do not believe me. When you told me everyone was canned. |
| 29865 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
You weren't supposed to tell anyone Michael. |
| 29866 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
Well I think we're past that now. |
| 29867 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
I am not supposed to... Okay. Guys. I was really only talking about Alan, myself, a few other execs you don't know. |
| 29868 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Jim |
Oh my God, David. That's horrible. |
| 29869 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Meredith |
How 'bout us? It's Meredith. By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman. |
| 29870 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
Look. They're buying the company for the distribution. You guys are the only thing about this company that works. So congratulations. |
| 29871 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
We're not fired? |
| 29872 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
David |
No! No, and congratulations. |
| 29873 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
Yeah! It's a Christmas miracle! |
| 29874 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 29875 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4579 |
Michael |
Woo hoo! |
| 29876 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4580 |
Dwight |
I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone. |
| 29877 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4580 |
Dwight |
It's true. We all walk alone. |
| 29878 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4581 |
Kelly |
Jim.... Jim! |
| 29879 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4582 |
Dwight |
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... |
| 29880 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4583 |
Toby |
Wow! Cause... |
| 29881 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4583 |
Ryan |
Yeah! That was the idea. |
| 29882 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4583 |
Toby |
Thank you! |
| 29883 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4583 |
Ryan |
Awesome! |
| 29884 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4583 |
Toby |
Thanks man! |
| 29885 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4584 |
Kevin |
Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, thy leaves are so unchanging... |
| 29886 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4585 |
Michael |
Oh! You got it? What is that? |
| 29887 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4585 |
Dwight |
I have no idea. |
| 29888 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4585 |
Michael |
Huh. Well, maybe those will help. |
| 29889 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4585 |
Dwight |
Michael? Please! Come on! |
| 29890 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4586 |
Matt |
Nice to meet you Oscar. |
| 29891 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4586 |
Oscar |
Nice to meet you Mark! |
| 29892 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4586 |
Matt |
It's Matt. |
| 29893 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4586 |
Oscar |
Right, Matt. I know what I'm doing, Pam. |
| 29894 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4587 |
Dwight |
Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds. Clams, snails... |
| 29895 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
Hi Santa. |
| 29896 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
Hi Michael. Mm. 'kay. |
| 29897 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
I'd like to make a wish. |
| 29898 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
What? |
| 29899 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
I would like an Xbox, and a TV that's compatible with an Xbox. And, I'm sorry. |
| 29900 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
An Xbox it is. Because I've decided you're a good boy. |
| 29901 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Bob Vance |
Scott! What in the hell is going on here? |
| 29902 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
No Bob, we worked it out. |
| 29903 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
You called Bob? |
| 29904 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
I'm sorry, |
| 29905 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
Come on! Phyllis! |
| 29906 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
I'm really sorry. It was earlier today. |
| 29907 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 29908 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
Hi sweetie. |
| 29909 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Bob Vance |
You okay baby? |
| 29910 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Phyllis |
I'm good baby. |
| 29911 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4588 |
Michael |
Oh God. Get a room Santas! |
| 29912 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4589 |
Michael |
Thank you Santa. Happy Holidays. |
| 29913 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4589 |
Dwight |
It's real slippery out here. |
| 29914 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4589 |
Jim |
Oh my God! |
| 29915 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4589 |
Pam |
Twelve drummers drumming. |
| 29916 |
6 |
13 |
Secret Santa |
4589 |
Andy |
Merry Christmas Erin! Take it away boys! |
| 29917 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4590 |
Michael |
Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And... I'm... pretty nervous about it. And... I'm... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star... or any number of drag queens. |
| 29918 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Eric |
Hi - |
| 29919 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Computron |
Hello, Eric Ward. Welcome to Dunder Mifflin. I am Computron, your answer to everything. |
| 29920 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Eric |
Hello. |
| 29921 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Michael |
I see you've met Computron, our virtual helper. I'm Michael Scott. Welcome. Welcome. Computron is just one of the many modern devices that I have incorporated into the office. Watch this. Computron? |
| 29922 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Computron |
Yes. |
| 29923 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Michael |
What is the world's largest ocean? |
| 29924 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Computron |
Calculating. Calculating. Pacific! |
| 29925 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Michael |
Pacific Ocean. Pretty cool, huh? |
| 29926 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Andy |
Great news, Michael. We're now the official paper supplier of the NFL. |
| 29927 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Michael |
That is fantastic. It's good, but it's not good enough. Keep working. And here's Pam. She's our international sales consultant. |
| 29928 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Pam |
Hello. |
| 29929 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Computron |
The NFL celebrated its 50th anniversary in 1972. |
| 29930 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4591 |
Pam |
Hola. Bonjour. Ni Hao. |
| 29931 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4592 |
Pam |
It might seem crazy, but since there's no one left in New York, Michael is Dunder Mifflin's highest ranking employee. So, that's where we are. |
| 29932 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4593 |
Michael |
Hello, Stanley. |
| 29933 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4593 |
Fake Stanley |
Hi. |
| 29934 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4594 |
Pam |
For the record? Not on board with fake Stanley... although, I get it. |
| 29935 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Eric |
Uh, I just need to check out your warehouse and then talk to your HR guy. That is pretty much the only reason I'm here. |
| 29936 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Michael |
Ok. Well, I thought I'd show you around a little bit - |
| 29937 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Eric |
Right. |
| 29938 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Michael |
- since you made the trip out. And I got us reservations at Cooper's Seafood. You like lobster? You've had lobster before, right? |
| 29939 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Eric |
Yeah. |
| 29940 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Michael |
They make the best Maine lobster in the world. You'll love it. |
| 29941 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Computron |
Mul Yam in Tel Aviv is better. |
| 29942 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Michael |
No, Computron, actually I think Cooper's is the best. You're gonna love it. |
| 29943 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Computron |
Are you calling me wrong? |
| 29944 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4595 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. |
| 29945 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4596 |
Eric |
It's called 'due diligence'. Basically, I confirm inventory, take a head count, see if there are any HR liabilities. I'm a glorified fact checker. Actually, I am a fact checker. |
| 29946 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4597 |
Michael |
Alright. Excuse me. If you will - |
| 29947 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4597 |
Ryan |
Michael, do you think I could get a space heater - |
| 29948 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4597 |
Michael |
- follow me this way. I'll introduce you to the crack HR rep that you requested. I give you Toby Flenderson. Have fun, you two. |
| 29949 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4597 |
Dwight |
Oh, we will. Have a seat. |
| 29950 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4598 |
Michael |
I left a copy of Best American Mystery Stories 1999 in Toby's favorite stall. So, yes, I think I bought us some time. |
| 29951 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Eric |
So, um, the manager, Michael Scott... is a bit of a character. |
| 29952 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Dwight |
He has more character in a single flake of his dandruff then you have in that entire snow bank on your shoulder. Wait, what was the question? |
| 29953 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Toby |
What are, are you doing at my desk? |
| 29954 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Dwight |
Ignore him. He's the local lunatic. |
| 29955 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Toby |
Come on, Dwight. Get out of here. |
| 29956 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Dwight |
Dwight? Who is this Dwight? Oh! You mean Dwight Schrute, the company's top salesman and the creator of Computron. I wear many hats but the one I'm currently wearing is that of gracious host. Welcome. |
| 29957 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Toby |
Sorry. Hey, Toby Flenderson. Nice to meet you. How can I help? |
| 29958 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Eric |
Um, are there any outstanding liability issues to be aware of? |
| 29959 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Toby |
What do you mean? |
| 29960 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Eric |
Well, safety issues, injuries that could leave the company open to potential lawsuits. |
| 29961 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4599 |
Toby |
Um... nothing comes to mind. |
| 29962 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
So, the staff? |
| 29963 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Toby |
Mm-hmm. |
| 29964 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
Are people generally happy? |
| 29965 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Toby |
Happy's a funny word. |
| 29966 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
In what way? |
| 29967 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Toby |
You know, uh, what does it mean to be happy. Keep philosophers busy for awhile. |
| 29968 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
So... generally? |
| 29969 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 29970 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
Generally. |
| 29971 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Toby |
Generally happy. |
| 29972 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4600 |
Eric |
Generally happy. |
| 29973 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Eric |
What about non-safety issues, in terms of liability? Sexual harassment. Anything like that? |
| 29974 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Toby |
Oh, I don't know. |
| 29975 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Eric |
You, you don't know. |
| 29976 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Toby |
I don't know. |
| 29977 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Eric |
You're the head of Human Resources. |
| 29978 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Toby |
I don't know. No. |
| 29979 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4601 |
Eric |
Ok. |
| 29980 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4602 |
Toby |
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't want to lie and I DON'T want to tell the truth. |
| 29981 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Hey, Tobes. Whatcha doin'? Whatcha guys talkin' about? |
| 29982 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Toby |
Well, Eric's just going over some stuff. |
| 29983 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Stuff. I love stuff. |
| 29984 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Toby |
It's, uh, it's HR stuff. |
| 29985 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
HR stuff? HR Pufnstuf. Right up my alley. What is that? What kind of stuff is that? |
| 29986 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Eric |
It's uh, it's a company evaluation form. |
| 29987 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Ah. |
| 29988 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Eric |
Talkin' bout, uh - |
| 29989 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Talkin' bout, uh, what? |
| 29990 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Eric |
Waste is next. |
| 29991 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Waste? What does that even mean? Like garbage? |
| 29992 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Eric |
No, waste of time and resources. |
| 29993 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
Oh, time and resources. |
| 29994 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Toby |
Look, you know, in any company there's going to be certain degrees - |
| 29995 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4603 |
Michael |
No. No. No. No. No. No. Respectfully, Toby, no. No. This company does not waste time or resources, ever. |
| 29996 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4604 |
Eric |
Is anyone near retirement age? |
| 29997 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4605 |
Eric |
Hey, uh, yeah, I finally got a chance to sit down with HR. So... well, I think I'm gonna be here for awhile. |
| 29998 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4606 |
Michael |
This is a building where friends become lovers and lovers become sexually interactive. Right? Would you agree with that? |
| 29999 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4606 |
Toby |
Michael, this is really inappropriate to talk about. |
| 30000 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4606 |
Michael |
That's, that is true. |
| 30001 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Dwight |
Thank you, so much. |
| 30002 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 30003 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 30004 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Eric |
Thank you. It's nice to meet you all. |
| 30005 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Pam |
Good to meet you. |
| 30006 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Angela |
Have a great day. |
| 30007 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Dwight |
Hope to see you soon. |
| 30008 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4607 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 30009 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4608 |
Michael |
I feel very sorry for that banker because he has to evaluate what we are worth. He has to decide what we are capable of and how do you do that? What is Jim capable of... or Pam... or Kevin? |
| 30010 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Michael |
I don't care if he goes and files a report and says that we're nothing special because I think our future is very bright. We have only just begun. |
| 30011 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Computron |
Computron experiencing emotion. |
| 30012 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Michael |
Computron, I'm gonna pull your plug. Ok? Buddy? |
| 30013 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Computron |
Ok. |
| 30014 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Michael |
Just - sh - |
| 30015 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Computron |
Please don't. Computron - |
| 30016 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Michael |
Shut - |
| 30017 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Computron |
wants to live. |
| 30018 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4609 |
Michael |
Shut up. Shut up. |
| 30019 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon. Called my man, Dwight, just to see what was shakin'. |
| 30020 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
Yo, Mike, our town is dope and pretty. |
| 30021 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
So check out how we live |
| 30022 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Both |
in the Electric City! |
| 30023 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
They call it Scranton! |
| 30024 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30025 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton! |
| 30026 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30027 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Lazy Scranton, the Electric City. They call it that 'cause of the electricity. The city's laid out from East to West and our public parks are libraries are truly the best. Call poison control if you're bitten by a spider. |
| 30028 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
But check that it's covered by your |
| 30029 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Both |
Healthcare Provider! |
| 30030 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
Plenty of space in the parking lot. |
| 30031 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
But the little cars go in the compact spot! |
| 30032 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Both |
Spot. Spot. Spot. Spot. Spot. |
| 30033 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
Snack attack time. |
| 30034 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
Don't lose your head. |
| 30035 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
We like Cugino's |
| 30036 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Both |
for the tasty bread. |
| 30037 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
They call it Scranton! |
| 30038 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30039 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton! |
| 30040 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30041 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton! |
| 30042 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30043 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton! |
| 30044 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30045 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
The Electric City. Scranton! |
| 30046 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 30047 |
6 |
14 |
The Banker |
4610 |
Michael |
Ugh. |
| 30048 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4611 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you? |
| 30049 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4611 |
Erin |
I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you? |
| 30050 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4611 |
Oscar |
I think you don't know what you're saying. |
| 30051 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4611 |
Michael |
It's from "Sob-ray", our new owner, and it is to Sabre, us. I wonder what's inside. Scissor me. |
| 30052 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4612 |
Michael |
Dunder Mifflin was recently bought by an electronics company named Sabre. They stepped in at the 11th hour, and they saved our asses. Although David Wallace said that we were the one branch that was actually working right, so we probably could have saved our own asses. We didn't need them touching our asses. |
| 30053 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4613 |
Michael |
Oh! Wow. Awesome. For accounting, a brand new printer. And for the sales staff, a new fax machine. This cord has Creed written all over it. And whoever would like a brand new scanner can come visit it in my office. Thank you. |
| 30054 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4614 |
Dwight |
Here we go. Oh! Wow. |
| 30055 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4614 |
Michael |
Cool. What next? |
| 30056 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4614 |
Erin |
Guys, um, who's Gabe? This note says to put the box aside for Gabe Lewis, who's coming tomorrow? |
| 30057 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Michael |
Okay, everybody, listen up. I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control - |
| 30058 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Dwight |
Impulsivity and inattention to detail. |
| 30059 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Michael |
Hey, hey. I have opened a box, which should not have been opened... |
| 30060 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Dwight |
Terrible mistake. |
| 30061 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Michael |
And distributed things which should not have been distributed. |
| 30062 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Dwight |
Undistributable. |
| 30063 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Pam |
Well, maybe we can put the box back together. |
| 30064 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Dwight |
Impossible. He opened it like an ape. |
| 30065 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4615 |
Oscar |
I think we can do it. |
| 30066 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Pam |
Yep, yep. |
| 30067 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Oscar |
Right? Mm. Did we try printer first? Shredder at an angle - |
| 30068 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 30069 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Oscar |
Fax, cable, then the scanner upside down? |
| 30070 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 30071 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4616 |
Creed |
Have you tried making everything smaller? |
| 30072 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
And - Wow. Really nice job. This group of people, when they put their minds together, they can do something great. And I think that you should all be proud of yourselves. |
| 30073 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. |
| 30074 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
Alright, relax. We can do it. We just did it. So we can do this again. Erin, scissor me please. |
| 30075 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Pam |
No, don't! |
| 30076 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
Thank you. Oh! Got it. Ok. |
| 30077 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
Alright, he's on his way up. Okay. Are we ready? |
| 30078 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Pam |
What do you want us to do? |
| 30079 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
Why do I have to explain everything? |
| 30080 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Pam |
Because we're usually not on the same page. |
| 30081 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30082 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4617 |
Gabe |
Oh. Okay. And to you. |
| 30083 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4618 |
Michael |
Gabe seems tall. Hope we get along. Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust. Here he is. You can really see that he is ok taking a picture with me. Even though I was there for disciplinary reasons. |
| 30084 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Dwight |
Welcome. Scranton hot dog from Scranton? |
| 30085 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
You know what, Dwight? Let's give him a minute to settle in, shall we? Ok? |
| 30086 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Gabe |
Um, hi, uh, my name is Gabe Lewis. I am coordinating director for merging regions. |
| 30087 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
Hello, Gabe. I am Michael Scott, co-manager. This is my protege, Jim Halpert. |
| 30088 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Jim |
Co-manager, actually. |
| 30089 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
In training. |
| 30090 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Jim |
Trained. Loving it. Good at it. So... |
| 30091 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Gabe |
We are very impressed with this branch and we are so excited about this merger. |
| 30092 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
We're very excited too, aren't we guys? Right? |
| 30093 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Dwight |
So excited. |
| 30094 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
We have a little song prepared for you. |
| 30095 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Gabe |
Um, actually, if you don't mind, I would love to put this on the Sabre website. |
| 30096 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
Sabre. Say-ber. Sabre. |
| 30097 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Dwight |
Oh. Of course. |
| 30098 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
Yes, say-ber. Good. Take it away guys. |
| 30099 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Andy |
Ok. |
| 30100 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Andy, Erin |
Hopped off the train in Scranton, PA, another cloudy gray afternoon. Jumped in the cab, here you are for the first time, look to the right see the "Electric City" sign. This is gonna be good day, for Dunder Mifflin and Sob-ray. Sab - |
| 30101 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Michael |
Saber. |
| 30102 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Andy |
Saber. Dunder Mifflin and Saber. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay. |
| 30103 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Andy, Erin |
Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sob-ray. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay. Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sabre. |
| 30104 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4619 |
Andy |
You sure it's saber? |
| 30105 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4620 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 30106 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4620 |
Jim |
Thank you. Hey, we should be fine if we leave around 11:20. |
| 30107 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4620 |
Pam |
Oh, you mapquested it. It's four blocks away. |
| 30108 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4620 |
Jim |
Well, now we won't get lost. Or we could drive. And that takes one minute. |
| 30109 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4621 |
Pam |
We found a great local daycare. It's rated really high by all the local parenting websites. But that means it's also really hard to get into. |
| 30110 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4621 |
Jim |
Turns out, a lot of parents want the very best for their children. That's weird. |
| 30111 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4621 |
Pam |
We're hoping our interview seals the deal. |
| 30112 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4621 |
Jim |
But if not, there's always the army. The infantry. |
| 30113 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4621 |
Pam |
Okay. Okay. Yeah. |
| 30114 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4622 |
Christian Slater |
So you've just been bought by Sabre. You've probably got a lot of questions. Hi. I'm Christian Slater. What's it like to work for Sabre? Let's find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre, you will. |
| 30115 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4622 |
Jo |
You'll find it easy to embrace the Sabre spirit. Welcome. We're very excited to go on this journey with you. |
| 30116 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4623 |
Jim |
So you've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering, "What's going on?" Well, you're not alone. |
| 30117 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4624 |
Michael |
Wow. Really terrific. |
| 30118 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4624 |
Gabe |
Most of our business comes from selling printers. So don't think of yourselves as paper salesmen anymore, but as printer salesmen who also sell paper. |
| 30119 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4624 |
Michael |
Perfect. |
| 30120 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4625 |
Michael |
No. Don't like that. |
| 30121 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Gabe |
At Sabre, we really encourage honest communication. You should always feel free to express your thoughts, your - |
| 30122 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Meredith |
Talk about vacation days! |
| 30123 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Gabe |
We have a policy here at Sabre where we are, uh, allowed to take two weeks. |
| 30124 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Oscar |
But I banked six weeks. |
| 30125 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Angela |
I already booked a Great Lakes cruise. |
| 30126 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Meredith |
Hey, who the hell's going through our stuff? |
| 30127 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4626 |
Gabe |
Actually, that's Nick. He's your new IT guy. Uh, he's setting up a site blocker. Mostly blocking the inappropriate sites. And then there are the time-wasting sites like Twitter, YouTube. We are blocking those as well. |
| 30128 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4627 |
Michael |
Mm, nope. Don't like that. |
| 30129 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Gabe |
Ok, did everyone get one? With these bottles, we eliminate the need for plastic water bottles, which are the scourge of the environment. |
| 30130 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Michael |
We'll still get to use the little cups, though, right? |
| 30131 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Gabe |
Little cups? Like paper or plastic or... ? |
| 30132 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Michael |
I don't know what they're made of. |
| 30133 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Dwight |
They're 2 ounce paper cups dipped in plastic. He goes through 20 a day. |
| 30134 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Gabe |
Ok, well, I bet you can fit 20 little cups of water in your aluminum bottle. |
| 30135 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Michael |
You know what can't fit in a bottle, are the 20 little trips I take to the cooler, and the 20 little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothly. And the 20 little conversations that I have with Stanley. |
| 30136 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4628 |
Stanley |
That's ok. |
| 30137 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4629 |
Michael |
There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70 percent of me is water, and the other part, the real part, the part that has feelings and emotions and thoughts and makes decisions and, if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all of these changes suck ba - |
| 30138 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4630 |
Michael |
Really? You don't have enough water in there? Your stomach? |
| 30139 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4630 |
Toby |
Oop. |
| 30140 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4630 |
Michael |
What? |
| 30141 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4630 |
Toby |
Looks like we kicked it. |
| 30142 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4631 |
Michael |
I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate. |
| 30143 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Michael |
I don't want to appear ungrateful for everything Sabre's doing for us. |
| 30144 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Gabe |
Oh, I don't get that sense at all from you, so... |
| 30145 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Michael |
Well, you should have a little. But it's great that you don't, because I am trying to embrace all of these changes, but I'm - I'll be honest, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of 'em. |
| 30146 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Gabe |
Which ones? |
| 30147 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Michael |
All of them. |
| 30148 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Gabe |
Well, I wish that I could do something, but it's kind of policy, you know? Above my pay grade. You know? |
| 30149 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Michael |
So maybe we should call. We should call someone. I could help. I'm good with bosses. Call one of the higher-ups? |
| 30150 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4632 |
Gabe |
You know what? Let me see what I can do. |
| 30151 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Jim |
Ok, this is officially the cutest thing I've ever seen. Cubbies. I totally forgot about cubbies. |
| 30152 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Pam |
There's a finger-painting station and a curly slide. Am I too old to go here? |
| 30153 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Jim |
Oh. Adorable, right? I walked in on someone in the bathroom. |
| 30154 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Pam |
What? |
| 30155 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Jim |
I just walked in on someone in the bathroom. |
| 30156 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Pam |
Who? The - |
| 30157 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Jim |
I don't know. I don't know. |
| 30158 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Pam |
The guy we're meeting with? |
| 30159 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4633 |
Jim |
I don't know, I don't know. |
| 30160 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4634 |
Andy |
I am telling you, there are no strawberries in here. |
| 30161 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4634 |
Erin |
Well, I saw them in there. |
| 30162 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4634 |
Andy |
Well maybe they ran away, because the pizza was like, "Hey, get out of here, you stupid strawberries." |
| 30163 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4635 |
Erin |
I think when Andy finally asks me out he's going to try to top what he did with the drum line. I can't wait to see what he comes up with. |
| 30164 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4636 |
Andy |
The ball's totally in Erin's court. After the whole drum line thing. |
| 30165 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Gabe |
First let me say that I told them everything you wanted me to say, in just the way you wanted me to say it, so... |
| 30166 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Gabe, honey, I love this. I love the sound of your voice. But I really need some new information now. |
| 30167 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Gabe |
Ok, um, I told the story of your uncle, and I have a feeling that you would have really been proud of the way... Okay, um... |
| 30168 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Wait a minute, who is it? Who's there? Is there somebody in the room with you? I want to see who it is. Turn me around. |
| 30169 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Gabe |
I don't - it's just... |
| 30170 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Turn me around. Now. Hey, Buddy. Is it something I said? |
| 30171 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Michael |
Hello. No. My name's Michael Scott. Hello. |
| 30172 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. Pleased to meet you. |
| 30173 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Michael |
Nice to meet you. We are very excited about the merger with Sabre. I think you have a great accent. |
| 30174 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Aw, thank you. I've been working on it since I was a little girl. To, um, to what do I owe the pleasure of this videochat? |
| 30175 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Michael |
Well, I am little concerned with all of these changes, to be quite frank. I think we have done things a certain way here at Dunder Mifflin for quite some time, and - |
| 30176 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
Pardon. Pardon me, Mr. Scott, but the last time I saw a company as mismanaged as Dunder Mifflin, it was my grandson's snowball company, so you'll excuse me if I prefer that you all adapt to the way that we do things. |
| 30177 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Michael |
Ok. I feel very strongly that you can't just come in here and change everything that people have been doing forever. Is Christian Slater back there? Because... he knows. He'd know what to do. |
| 30178 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
So listen, why don't you tell Gabe if by the end of the day you can't handle the changes. |
| 30179 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Michael |
I have already told him, but I will tell him again if you think that will help. |
| 30180 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4637 |
Jo |
I would take until the end of the day if I were you. |
| 30181 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Pam and Jim? Hey, I'm Jerry. |
| 30182 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Pam |
Hi Jerry. |
| 30183 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
Jerry. |
| 30184 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Good to see you. Come on in. My office is right back here. This is the play room. |
| 30185 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
This is great. Got to confess, we came a little early, so we got a quick look around, but, uh - |
| 30186 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Oh, so you saw it already? |
| 30187 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no. Yes. We saw this, yes. No, it wasn't like a look around. We really just had a peek. Quick peek. Didn't focus on anything in particular. |
| 30188 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Pam |
It's lovely. |
| 30189 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Oh. Got to take this. Sorry. |
| 30190 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
Do it. |
| 30191 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Okay. Hi, this is Jerry. |
| 30192 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Pam |
Ok, you've got to pull it together. |
| 30193 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
We should just go. He's really uncomfortable. |
| 30194 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Pam |
He's uncomfortable because you're acting weird. So you have to stop acting weird. |
| 30195 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
What if we just bring it up? We just put it out in the open? |
| 30196 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Pam |
That's the weirdest possible solution to the problem. |
| 30197 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jerry |
Sorry about that. Right this way. |
| 30198 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4638 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 30199 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
I have come here today to talk to Mr. David Wallace about this whole thing going on with Sabre. He will know exactly what to do. He is not a big fan of me dropping by announced. But then again, who is? Hey. Hi, sorry. |
| 30200 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
Michael. |
| 30201 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
I hope you're not busy doing something. |
| 30202 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
No, you kidding? Come on in. Come on. |
| 30203 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
You sure? |
| 30204 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
You look great. |
| 30205 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
You look great too. |
| 30206 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
You hungry? I'm just having lunch. |
| 30207 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah, that sounds good. |
| 30208 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
Fantastic. Teddy, look who just stopped in. |
| 30209 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Teddy Wallace |
Huh? Hey. |
| 30210 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
Hey. Wow. |
| 30211 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
David |
Keep it up, son. |
| 30212 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4639 |
Michael |
Really loud. |
| 30213 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
Wow. Oh, yummy. You have got the life, my friend. |
| 30214 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
Yeah. |
| 30215 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
Can I just stay here and never go back? |
| 30216 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
Things not going so well there? |
| 30217 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
Oh, man. How much time do you have? |
| 30218 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday. |
| 30219 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 30220 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Mrs. Wallace |
Hey, honey. How's your day going? Did you do anything cool? |
| 30221 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
Uh, no, sweetie. I just sort of hung out. |
| 30222 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Mrs. Wallace |
Oh, 'cause I saw you had shoes on, so I didn't know if you did anything. |
| 30223 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
No. Just hanging out, honey. You remember Michael. |
| 30224 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
Hi. Sorry, I was just in the neighborhood, thought I'd come by, see... |
| 30225 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Mrs. Wallace |
No problem at all. This is great. So what are you guys up to? |
| 30226 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
Michael |
I don't know. |
| 30227 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4640 |
David |
Uh, but maybe, uh - actually, you know, I think maybe we'll go outside. May -maybe we'll go outside. Outside. |
| 30228 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
There was one thing we were curious about, uh, your flexibility on things like Easter or Memorial Day, because we might want to change our days around a little bit. |
| 30229 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
That seems a bit premature, don't you think? I don't even know if I have a space for you yet, and you're already lining up your holiday plans. |
| 30230 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
Oh, no, sorry. Just, um, we're kind of planners. But we're also flexible too, so you know what? Maybe we can just discuss it when the time comes. |
| 30231 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
Yeah, if the time comes, we can discuss it. |
| 30232 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Pam |
Is this because Jim walked in on you going to the bathroom? |
| 30233 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
What? |
| 30234 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
Seriously? You told her? |
| 30235 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
Did it? It might have come up while we were waiting for you. |
| 30236 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
And you - you thought that might have something to do with how the meeting is going? |
| 30237 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
No. |
| 30238 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Pam |
Maybe, because it doesn't seem to be going super well. |
| 30239 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
Well, you didn't consider the fact that it might not be going super well just because it might not be going super well? |
| 30240 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Pam |
Nope. 'Cause we're really nice people but you don't seem to like us. |
| 30241 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
I'm being perfectly pleasant. Did you ever consider that you might not be as charming as you think you are? |
| 30242 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
Oh, this coming from the guy who still uses a children's toilet? Why didn't you just lock the door, man? |
| 30243 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
It doesn't lock for the children's safety. |
| 30244 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jim |
Anybody could have walked in. |
| 30245 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4641 |
Jerry |
It was story time. |
| 30246 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Sabre is changing everything. Site blockers. They don't let us use cups. So I started thinking, who could handle this? Who would know what to do? David Wallace would know what to do. What should I do, David Wallace? |
| 30247 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
I don't know. I mean, what can you do? |
| 30248 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Exactly. What are you thinking? |
| 30249 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
I, I - It's a tough one. |
| 30250 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
It is a tough one. |
| 30251 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
I don't have any ideas for you there. |
| 30252 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Yeah. But one would be good. |
| 30253 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
Hey, oh, okay. Wait. |
| 30254 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30255 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
I want to tell you about a business idea I have. |
| 30256 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30257 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
Ok? You know how kids leave their toys everywhere? Okay. So this is a vacuum. It's like a shop-vac type of thing. Teaches kids how to pick up their own toys. Right? Baseball gloves, hacky sacks, drumsticks. Picks it up! |
| 30258 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
So the kid's making the noise to pick it up. |
| 30259 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
No. No, no, no. That's the -that's the vacuum noise. |
| 30260 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 30261 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
You-you don't like it. |
| 30262 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
No, I think it is- |
| 30263 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
No, it's ok. Another guy from Dunder Mifflin, Arnie from Research, he's gonna draw up the prototype. And, uh... It's like shop-vac. Did I say that? |
| 30264 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 30265 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4642 |
David |
It'll be ok. |
| 30266 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4643 |
Andy |
Hey, any fun weekend plans? |
| 30267 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4643 |
Erin |
No, you? |
| 30268 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4643 |
Andy |
Uh, no, actually. So nothing? No movies, or parties, or anything you might want to invite someone to? |
| 30269 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4643 |
Erin |
Nothing. It's wide open. |
| 30270 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4643 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 30271 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4644 |
Andy |
That's as hard as I can hint. |
| 30272 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
David |
Hey, you know, if you want, I'm sure I can get Arnie on board if you wanted to join us for suck it. Work together again. |
| 30273 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
Michael |
The what? |
| 30274 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
David |
Suck it. That's what it's called. |
| 30275 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 30276 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
David |
Huh? Catchy. Kids'll love it. |
| 30277 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4645 |
Michael |
Like it. |
| 30278 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4646 |
Michael |
There are very few things that would make me not want to team up with David Wallace. And Suck It is one of 'em. |
| 30279 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4647 |
Michael |
See you later. |
| 30280 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4647 |
David |
Oh, Michael. |
| 30281 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4647 |
Michael |
Bye now. |
| 30282 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4647 |
David |
Thank you for coming. |
| 30283 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4647 |
Michael |
Thanks for having me. |
| 30284 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4648 |
Michael |
Well, that's not the David Wallace that I remember. That is some sort of weird creature that lives in David Wallace's house. Oh, my god. Alright. Just get me out of here. |
| 30285 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4649 |
Michael |
Hello. Is anybody home? Oh, thank you, Erin. Now if everyone would please ready their canteens, so I can fill them with the sweet, sweet nectar of Gabe's homeland, and then propose a toast. Here we go. |
| 30286 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4650 |
Michael |
You know when people say getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to them? I feel sorry for those people. That's the best thing? Really? Ugh. |
| 30287 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
Well, I'm not really one for making speeches. |
| 30288 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Everyone |
Yes. Yes, you are. You make a lot. |
| 30289 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
But I feel pretty good right now. I really do. A lot better than I did earlier. Let me tell you. |
| 30290 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Angela |
That's your toast? |
| 30291 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
No. This is my toast. I think this whole thing with Sabre is going to work out. I have a very good feeling about it. |
| 30292 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Phyllis |
Michael, this isn't a toast. You're just thinking out loud. |
| 30293 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
Here's my toast. Orange juice is in here. And, like Saber, it is from Florida, and it is good. |
| 30294 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Kevin |
Just 'cause you have liquid that doesn't make it a toast. |
| 30295 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
Here's the toast. I'm gonna do it now. Raise your container to us and to Sabre. |
| 30296 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
All |
To us and to Sabre. |
| 30297 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4651 |
Michael |
Mm. Wow. That is metallicy. Ugh. That's like drinking a battery. Ah, really gets you in the fillings, doesn't it? Okay, anyway, welcome. |
| 30298 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Well, it's a mess, what a mess. What you gonna do? You're going to take out your Suck It and you suck it. Suck it. Yeah, take out your Suck It and you suck it. |
| 30299 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Suck it! |
| 30300 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! |
| 30301 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Suck it! |
| 30302 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! |
| 30303 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Suck it! |
| 30304 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! Take out the Suck It and we'll... |
| 30305 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Suck it! |
| 30306 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! |
| 30307 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Suck it! |
| 30308 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! |
| 30309 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Both |
Take out my Suck It and we'll suck it. |
| 30310 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
David |
Yeah! Teddy! |
| 30311 |
6 |
15 |
Sabre |
4652 |
Teddy |
Yeah. |
| 30312 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Vancouver Court Hotel, how many I help you? |
| 30313 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Hello Vancouver, this is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America! I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th, first week of the Olympics. |
| 30314 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Well, we are looking forward to having you, so, let me just pull up your information here... |
| 30315 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Okey doke. |
| 30316 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Um, I don't seem to have it, sir. |
| 30317 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
What? |
| 30318 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Dwight |
I'm not seeing anything under "confirmation." |
| 30319 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
No. |
| 30320 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Dwight |
Could it be under "affirmation?" Cause you have thousands of those. |
| 30321 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
No. We're trying to look it up right now. |
| 30322 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Um, come on. |
| 30323 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Dwight |
Michael... |
| 30324 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Uh, sir? A lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations at hotels here for the Olympics, but we've been fully booked for months. |
| 30325 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. I've always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, but I am not getting that from this conversation. |
| 30326 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Dwight |
Wait, I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM! |
| 30327 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
...Oh, here it is. Yep. |
| 30328 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 30329 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 30330 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Uh-huh. Seven nights in our street-view economy single? |
| 30331 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
That's it! |
| 30332 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Yeah, we changed it since it was a while back. I do apologize. |
| 30333 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael, Dwight |
Uh-huh, okay... |
| 30334 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
Yeah, how may I help you Mr. Scott? |
| 30335 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Alright, I would like to cancel my reservation, please. |
| 30336 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Hotel Employee |
There is a cancellation fee for this, sir. |
| 30337 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4653 |
Michael |
Okay, put it on my card. |
| 30338 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4654 |
Michael |
Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre, is coming to see us here for the first time. She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, so she's gotta be kinda nervous. I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? Do we speak English? |
| 30339 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Michael |
Why hello! |
| 30340 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Gabe |
This is Michael Scott, co-regional manager of this branch. |
| 30341 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Michael |
Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett. |
| 30342 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the "Mrs." just to piss off the new wife. Well, let's take a gander around this place. |
| 30343 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Andy |
These sure are pretty dogs... |
| 30344 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
They love a good crotch. |
| 30345 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Andy |
They sure do. |
| 30346 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
You should take that as a compliment! |
| 30347 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Andy |
Oh, I do! |
| 30348 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Hello. |
| 30349 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 30350 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? |
| 30351 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Dwight |
I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. Unless it was the President. Or Judge Judy. |
| 30352 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
I like that. |
| 30353 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Gabe |
This is Accounting. |
| 30354 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Kevin |
Hi! |
| 30355 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Good-looking group. |
| 30356 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Gabe |
Over here is Meredith Palmer and Creed Bratton. |
| 30357 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Another couple of heartbreakers. Who is this tall drink of sun tea? |
| 30358 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Gabe |
That is Jim Halpert, he is the co-regional manager of this office. |
| 30359 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
I thought this guy was the manager? |
| 30360 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Gabe |
Oh, he is. He's the co-manager, and that's the other co-manager. |
| 30361 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4655 |
Jo |
Two guys doing one job? We gotta do something about that! |
| 30362 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4656 |
Andy |
Got some Valentine's cards for my coworkers and my bro-workers. |
| 30363 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4656 |
Angela |
No, no! |
| 30364 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4656 |
Kevin |
What, no candy? |
| 30365 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4657 |
Andy |
Valentine's Day, right around the corner. Erin and I have been on zero dates. So I got her a Valentine's Day card, but I didn't wanna seem "too eager," so I got cards for everyone in the whole office to kind of dilute it a little bit. |
| 30366 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4658 |
Andy |
: Look alive. |
| 30367 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4658 |
Meredith |
Ow! Geez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat! |
| 30368 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4659 |
Meredith |
Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat. |
| 30369 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, but here it takes two men to do one job, where in Florida it might take one very strong woman to do such a job. |
| 30370 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
Whoa, whoa. |
| 30371 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
Whoa, whoa! |
| 30372 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
I'll take over. Um, what we're doing here: Michael handles more of the "big-picture" stuff, and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff, so together... |
| 30373 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
Yeah. I think I understand. |
| 30374 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 30375 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
Each of you is doing half a job. |
| 30376 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
No. |
| 30377 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
And sometimes I can hardly handle that! |
| 30378 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
This is knucklehead talk. I'm not gonna bite it, you know. You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, because gravy ain't sweet! Is it, Jim? |
| 30379 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
I don't think so. |
| 30380 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
Michael? |
| 30381 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
Forget the question... |
| 30382 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be manager. |
| 30383 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
I humbly accept the management position. |
| 30384 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
I... Why would you just say something like that? |
| 30385 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
Because, well, Jim. Where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now. |
| 30386 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
Do you even know what that means? |
| 30387 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 30388 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
Well, I'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go. |
| 30389 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jim |
Um... |
| 30390 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4660 |
Jo |
You can go on. Shoo! |
| 30391 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4661 |
Jo |
I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, and now I have my own pilot's license. I am CEO of Sabre International, and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. Pleased to meet you. |
| 30392 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Whoa-oh, traffic jam! |
| 30393 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Uh-oh, traffic jam on route three! |
| 30394 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Beep-beep! Beeooop-beep! |
| 30395 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Beep! Twenty people dead in a pile-up! |
| 30396 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
There's blood everywhere! Um, I got you a Valentine's card. |
| 30397 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Oh, you did? Aw, a bird and a dog! |
| 30398 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Yeah, well it's Snoopy and Woodstock. |
| 30399 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
You named them? |
| 30400 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Uh, Charles Schultz did. I thought it was relevant cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? |
| 30401 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Uh, yeah I do remember. Aw, they love each other. |
| 30402 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed. |
| 30403 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Wow, it smells really good too. |
| 30404 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
Yeah! It's Roger Federer for men, I sprayed some in there. |
| 30405 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Erin |
Andy, whoa! Thank you very much! |
| 30406 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4662 |
Andy |
It's got pheromones in it. |
| 30407 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Jo |
Hey! |
| 30408 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 30409 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Jo |
Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop little onion! |
| 30410 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Kevin |
Jo, there's books in my chair. |
| 30411 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Jo |
That's right, darlin', now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook and my autobiography. Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces, I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company I've never heard of? Down in Tallahassee? Where is that? Near Mars? |
| 30412 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Michael |
No, we know. Texas! |
| 30413 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Jo |
Now Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach in all these small businesses all over the northeast. Now we're gonna take that arm, and we're gonna start selling printers. |
| 30414 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Michael |
I could manage my way around that. |
| 30415 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Jo |
They're the easiest-to-use printers on the market. |
| 30416 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4663 |
Michael |
I will try to manage my excitement! |
| 30417 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4664 |
Michael |
I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, so whenever Jo thinks "manager" she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a pen1s. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a pen1s. And vise-versa. |
| 30418 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4665 |
Jo |
I think that's it. So we're all good! Thanks ya'll. |
| 30419 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4665 |
Dwight |
I, uh... |
| 30420 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4666 |
Kelly |
Oh my God. |
| 30421 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4667 |
Kelly |
I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. But, I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual. |
| 30422 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4668 |
Pam |
So, check this out. According to the handbook, you could make more money as a salesman than as a manager. They have all these incentive programs. I ran your numbers from last year. |
| 30423 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4668 |
Jim |
This is way more than I make now. |
| 30424 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4669 |
Jim |
I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I'm definitely in it for the money. And quite honestly, the women. |
| 30425 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Jim |
Hey, you got a second? |
| 30426 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Michael |
Sure. You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? |
| 30427 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Jim |
Actually, yeah. |
| 30428 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Michael |
What? |
| 30429 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Jim |
Exactly that. I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do. |
| 30430 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Michael |
What? Really? |
| 30431 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Jim |
Yeah! |
| 30432 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4670 |
Michael |
Wow! |
| 30433 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
La la la, hello Oscar! |
| 30434 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Oscar |
Michael. Reading. |
| 30435 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
What are you reading? |
| 30436 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Oscar |
The Atlantic. |
| 30437 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now. No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again. |
| 30438 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Oscar |
I should step into sales myself. |
| 30439 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
Why, is there an untapped gay market? |
| 30440 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Oscar |
Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales. |
| 30441 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
...Where did you get that information. |
| 30442 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Oscar |
Manual. |
| 30443 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4671 |
Michael |
Manuel who? |
| 30444 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4672 |
Michael |
Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled. |
| 30445 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Son of a bitch. Pardon me. |
| 30446 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
Oh, speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. Have a seat! |
| 30447 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30448 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
Now Jim here is thinking about taking himself out of the running for being manager. |
| 30449 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Really? Aw, that is so sweet of you! But, I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, and I think I wanna go back to sales. |
| 30450 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
Really? |
| 30451 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jim |
Really. |
| 30452 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Yeah. You can take the man out of the salesman, but you can't take the sales out of salesman. |
| 30453 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
Well, I think you're both being a little too modest. |
| 30454 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jim |
No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager for so many reasons. |
| 30455 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
No, I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office, and I would sexually harass people. |
| 30456 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jim |
Why would you do that? |
| 30457 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
I'm turning myself in right now! |
| 30458 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, so I'm gonna defer to your judgment. |
| 30459 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 30460 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Jo |
I think you will become the salesman, and congratulations! You're gonna be the new manager of this branch! |
| 30461 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4673 |
Michael |
Great! That's great. Congratulations. Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. |
| 30462 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4674 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael marked his heights. He's grown! |
| 30463 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4674 |
Jim |
Mm! |
| 30464 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4675 |
Dwight |
Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. 89... 88... |
| 30465 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4676 |
Dwight |
You're twenty minutes late! |
| 30466 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4676 |
Ryan |
Um, I was at another dumpster! |
| 30467 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4676 |
Dwight |
Just admit you lost track of time. |
| 30468 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4677 |
Dwight |
Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. Ryan is always late for our meetings. I wish I had a lair. |
| 30469 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Did you see Saw? |
| 30470 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time. |
| 30471 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw? |
| 30472 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. |
| 30473 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment. |
| 30474 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
I like where you're going with this. Continue. |
| 30475 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something? |
| 30476 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
I have an old barn! |
| 30477 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Yes! |
| 30478 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what? |
| 30479 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. I have a mask... |
| 30480 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life! |
| 30481 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Well suggest something else then! Don't just... |
| 30482 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think! |
| 30483 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
Don't just criticize my idea! |
| 30484 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Dwight |
Think! |
| 30485 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4678 |
Ryan |
You think of something then! |
| 30486 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Erin |
Michael, I'm worried that, uh, not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. |
| 30487 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Michael |
How is that possible? |
| 30488 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Erin |
Well, in your old office there were all those ledges and extra space. |
| 30489 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Michael |
No excuses Erin, come on! Make it happen. |
| 30490 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Erin |
You know, I actually think I should get back to work. Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. |
| 30491 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. Fine, fine. Leave it here. I have to make some sales anyway. Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? Michael Scott, head of sales. |
| 30492 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4679 |
Jim |
You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there. |
| 30493 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Dwight |
The new IT guy. Nick. |
| 30494 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Ryan |
Nick. |
| 30495 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Dwight |
I think he is the key. He's very trusting, he's looking for friends, he has been given an awesome amount of power, and does not know how to wield it. |
| 30496 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Ryan |
Like Frodo! |
| 30497 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Dwight |
Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay dumb jock? |
| 30498 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Ryan |
Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum. |
| 30499 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4680 |
Dwight |
Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. |
| 30500 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4681 |
Dwight |
I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. |
| 30501 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
Who's hungry? |
| 30502 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Jim |
What is that? |
| 30503 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say "Who's hungry?" |
| 30504 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Jim |
Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though. |
| 30505 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? |
| 30506 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Jim |
Why would I wanna do that? |
| 30507 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain. |
| 30508 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Jim |
For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here... |
| 30509 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
Oh sure. |
| 30510 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Jim |
Yeah. Thank you. |
| 30511 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4682 |
Erin |
Well. |
| 30512 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Michael |
It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks, bye. I just got a new account for the gentleman's club in Carbondale. It is called "Curves." I went by there the other day, saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. Actually, Kevin, you might like it! |
| 30513 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Kevin |
Nice! |
| 30514 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Dwight |
You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much. |
| 30515 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Michael |
Why not? It's part of the sales experience. |
| 30516 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Dwight |
It's not really 1992 anymore. |
| 30517 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4683 |
Michael |
Well, okay... |
| 30518 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Kelly |
You brighten my day with the sound of your voice, you bring so much laughter and love, you're everything to me, and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me. |
| 30519 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Erin |
Geez louise. |
| 30520 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Kelly |
I know, obsessed with me much? |
| 30521 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Erin |
Well, everyone got one. |
| 30522 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Kelly |
What did yours say? |
| 30523 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4684 |
Erin |
Friends are worth sharing a doghouse with. |
| 30524 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4685 |
Erin |
It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. I can't compete with her. That girl can sing, and dance, and gets all of her clothes at the mall. And I feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, cause Andy Bernard is a playboy. And, why shouldn't he be? He's got it all. |
| 30525 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Dwight |
Ho-ho. There he is, the IT guy. So you discovered the break room. |
| 30526 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Nick |
Uh, yep. |
| 30527 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Dwight |
I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is, you get to know everyone's computer passwords. |
| 30528 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Nick |
No, I actually don't. |
| 30529 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Dwight |
Listen, I know you have to say that, but we got a little problem here. There is an employee named Jim Halpert, and he is doing some terrible things, okay? He is molesting people via the internet. And we need to stop him. |
| 30530 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Nick |
I think that you should call the cops. |
| 30531 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Dwight |
No, the cops called us. So I'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer. |
| 30532 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Nick |
I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sorry, I just can't give out his password like that. |
| 30533 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Ryan |
Nick. We could make things very, very difficult for you. |
| 30534 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Nick |
Are you... you threatening me? |
| 30535 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4686 |
Ryan |
Threatening you? No. |
| 30536 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
What is that smell? Do you smell that? What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here? |
| 30537 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Pam |
Michael, stop. |
| 30538 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
No, I'm serious, we don't have to put up... Is it the dogs? |
| 30539 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Pam |
Michael... |
| 30540 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
You know what, we don't have to deal with this. I am going to Google sulfur maps. |
| 30541 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Dwight |
Michael, it's Phyllis. |
| 30542 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
No, this is geological. |
| 30543 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Phyllis |
I sent an email out to everyone in this area that this might be a side effect to my new allergy medication I'm on. |
| 30544 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? |
| 30545 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Phyllis |
No. |
| 30546 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
And you guys are okay with this? |
| 30547 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Dwight |
She sent an email, so. |
| 30548 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Phyllis |
I did. |
| 30549 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Andy |
It's not cause of the smell. I'm just expecting a nosebleed. |
| 30550 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4687 |
Michael |
Oh my God. |
| 30551 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Kelly |
Oh! You scared me! |
| 30552 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Andy |
I'm sorry, I thought you saw me. |
| 30553 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Kelly |
I didn't see you. And you were there all along. Well, I warmed it up for you so, should be good to go. |
| 30554 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Andy |
Cool, thanks. |
| 30555 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Kelly |
Bye, Andy. |
| 30556 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Andy |
...That was weird. |
| 30557 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Meredith |
No it ain't. We all saw the Valentine you gave her. |
| 30558 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Andy |
I don't even know what that card said. |
| 30559 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4688 |
Meredith |
Believe me, if I got that card? We'd be in the bathroom doin' it right... now. |
| 30560 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 30561 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 30562 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here. |
| 30563 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
Well, the grass is always greener. |
| 30564 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
Yeah. Except there's no grass out there. It's just a farty dirt patch. |
| 30565 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
Well, it's what you wanted. |
| 30566 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. |
| 30567 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
For the record, I fought this. Alright? And now, I'm not really sure what we do. |
| 30568 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
We make a poster that says "Happy Opposite Day!" and she sees it on the way out... Nah, that's stupid. Ugh! I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black. |
| 30569 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone and talked to her. |
| 30570 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Michael |
Lethal Weapon? |
| 30571 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4689 |
Jim |
That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way. |
| 30572 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Jo |
You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management? |
| 30573 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Michael |
What? What I'm saying... |
| 30574 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Jim |
Michael's saying he's better at being manager, and I agree, cause he's a better people person, weirdly. |
| 30575 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Michael |
And weirdly I'm a good dog person, right guys? See? They love me. |
| 30576 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Jo |
Fine. I don't care which one of you does which job, just stop meeting with me to talk about it. |
| 30577 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 30578 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Michael |
Alright! |
| 30579 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4690 |
Jo |
Oh, I gotta take this. Yep. Uh, finish walking my dogs for me. And don't ride 'em. Lotta people try to ride 'em. |
| 30580 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Andy |
Excuse me? Everyone? Please check your emails, I just sent you the following message: "Coworkers, you may have received a Valentine from me. Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way." |
| 30581 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Phyllis |
You don't even like us as friends? |
| 30582 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Andy |
Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like-like you. |
| 30583 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Oscar |
What are we, five? |
| 30584 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Andy |
"Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard dog." |
| 30585 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Kelly |
Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you that said that you don't like me? Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? |
| 30586 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Andy |
It's n-- that wasn't... I like someone else. |
| 30587 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Kelly |
Who? |
| 30588 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Andy |
It's not... Whether or not, you... |
| 30589 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4691 |
Kelly |
Who, what? |
| 30590 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4692 |
Erin |
Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. How about that? |
| 30591 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4693 |
Michael |
Oh, it smells good in here. |
| 30592 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4693 |
Erin |
Sure does! Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan, and your food dehydrator. |
| 30593 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4693 |
Michael |
Erin, what about my keyboard? Aw, so good to be home. How about a little Bosa Nova? |
| 30594 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4693 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 30595 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4694 |
Pam |
He looks happy. |
| 30596 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4694 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 30597 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4694 |
Dwight |
Well, well, well. Hm. Boss for, what was it? Oh, four and a half hours? New record. Low. Previous record? Henry Rosston. Boss for nine years, four months. And he only left because he had family matters to attend to and he what? Michael! |
| 30598 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Dwight |
I can't help but think that something we did made this possible. |
| 30599 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Ryan |
Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel. |
| 30600 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Dwight |
Oh temp, I like that. I'm going to engrave that into a piece of wood. Care to celebrate with a drink? |
| 30601 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Ryan |
I would love to. Why not? |
| 30602 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Dwight |
Because! Martini bars are pretentious. No thank you. |
| 30603 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Ryan |
Well, I'm sorry that I don't want farm boy swill like you do, you know. |
| 30604 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Dwight |
It is not "farm boy swill," I will show you. It is beet Vodka and it is delicious. |
| 30605 |
6 |
16 |
The Manager and the Salesman |
4695 |
Ryan |
I am not interested in anything I have to make myself! |
| 30606 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Pam |
I just wanted to check and see if there's anything you needed before I went on my maternity leave... Yeah, I'm pregnant... Great, well, I'll write up the order. Okay, thanks. |
| 30607 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute! You can't do that. You cannot exploit your baby for sales. |
| 30608 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Jim |
Hey, did I tell you we were going to have a baby? Oh, thank you very much. I'm excited. Oh, definitely. |
| 30609 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Dwight |
No, no! You need to come by your sales honorably! |
| 30610 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Pam |
There is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life. People like it. |
| 30611 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4696 |
Dwight |
Hey there. Dwight Schrute here. Listen, uh, would you be interested in restocking on paper? ... Yeah, I could sure use the money. My cousin, uh, came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus. Oh, it's just horrific. The doctor says he'd never seen it beard so quickly. Okay. |
| 30612 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4697 |
Dwight |
I need a baby. I'll never outsell Jim and Pam without one. Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd. |
| 30613 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4698 |
Pam |
Kevin, you're such a gourmand. |
| 30614 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4698 |
Kevin |
I cooked my way through Julia Childs' cookbook, and now, I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook. Last night, I had Edward's corn flake chicken. |
| 30615 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4698 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 30616 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4699 |
Kevin |
Pregnant Pam and I, we get hungry at the same times, so we've been eating together a lot. Not all meals. Just second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, and first dinner. |
| 30617 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4700 |
Kevin |
I thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last ultra feast. |
| 30618 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4700 |
Pam |
Mmmm, that sounds great. What are you thinking? |
| 30619 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4700 |
Kevin |
I think it should be a surprise. |
| 30620 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4700 |
Meredith |
Oh, getting there, huh? |
| 30621 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4700 |
Pam |
No, no. I still have time. |
| 30622 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4701 |
Pam |
I'm having contractions, but they're irregular and far apart. So I'm not really in labor, I'm near labor. |
| 30623 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4701 |
Jim |
Yeah, we're slow-playing it because of our stupid HMO. |
| 30624 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4701 |
Pam |
If we check in after midnight, I get an extra day to recuperate surrounded by doctors. |
| 30625 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4701 |
Jim |
Not to mention the extra night's sleep in the hospital will be very nice because once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is going to have to take care of it. And I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy. |
| 30626 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4701 |
Pam |
I cannot wait for that joke to be over. |
| 30627 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Pam |
Ooh. |
| 30628 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, oh! Contraption! She's contrapting! Okay, you know what? I think I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why. I am a licensed, classy driver in the state of Pennsylvania. I gassed up the car... |
| 30629 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 30630 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Actually, I put diesel in this time, trying to save some money. |
| 30631 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Jim |
Michael, you shouldn't have done that. |
| 30632 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Happy to do it. Also, I did a heck of a job baby-proofing this office. |
| 30633 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Pam |
You know the baby's not going to live here, right? |
| 30634 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Well, the baby was conceived here, so might as well live here a little bit, too. |
| 30635 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Jim |
Hmm, that logic's air-tight, but unfortunately it wasn't conceived here. Burning man, port-o-potty. |
| 30636 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Oh, yuck! TMI! How was it? I don't want to know. Tell me later. Let's go! Let's go! Hospital! |
| 30637 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Pam |
Okay, okay, we're not going to the hospital. We are waiting until midnight. |
| 30638 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Erin |
Ooh, spooky. But why? |
| 30639 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Jim |
Because the insurance company only covers two nights. |
| 30640 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Pam |
Everything's fine. We have plenty of time. |
| 30641 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Nick |
Well, you don't want to wait too long, Pam. Otherwise the baby's going to become a teenager in there and you'll be up all night, from the rock music. |
| 30642 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Michael |
Shut up, Nick. What a weird thing to say. Weird I.T. nerd. Don't get revenge on me, nerd. |
| 30643 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Angela |
What are you looking at? |
| 30644 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4702 |
Dwight |
Ha, nerd. |
| 30645 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4703 |
Kelly |
Did you know that labor can last weeks? Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table, and sometimes epidurals don't work, and you can poop yourself. |
| 30646 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4704 |
Dwight |
Bare my child. |
| 30647 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4704 |
Angela |
Excuse me? |
| 30648 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4704 |
Dwight |
I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything... Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 PM at our old meeting spot and bang it out. |
| 30649 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Jim |
That's seven minutes. Here we go. This is happening. Come on. |
| 30650 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Pam |
Hold on, hold on. It isn't midnight yet. |
| 30651 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Jim |
Are you serious? Pam. |
| 30652 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Pam |
No, the doctor said every five to seven minutes. |
| 30653 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Jim |
I... Pam, please. |
| 30654 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Pam |
I'm going to be okay, we should really try to make it until midnight. |
| 30655 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Andy |
Yeah, no, you really should. Because if your baby's born tomorrow, he's going to have the same birthday as Butt-mud Brooks. My old roommate. |
| 30656 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Pam |
Did you hear that? Butt-mud Brooks. |
| 30657 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Jim |
Okay, but we are leaving at five minutes apart. |
| 30658 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4705 |
Pam |
Five minutes apart. |
| 30659 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4706 |
Jim |
So, the plan was seven minutes. But we're calling an audible, because that's her call. Because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant. |
| 30660 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Pam |
Okay, stop watching me. |
| 30661 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Jim |
Okay, crazy. I think I have some better things to do with my day than worry about you, like sell printers. |
| 30662 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 30663 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Jim |
Well not until Friday 20% off toner cartridges, that's a big deal. While we're on the subject, why don't I just run you down to the hospital and we'll just do a quick check? |
| 30664 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Pam |
Not until midnight. |
| 30665 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Andy |
Guys. Word of advice. Speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names. I was named Walter Jr. after my father until I was about six or so, when my parents changed their minds. |
| 30666 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Erin |
I thought you said your younger brother was named Walter Jr. |
| 30667 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Andy |
My brother was born, and my parents felt he better exemplified the Walter Jr. name, so they gave it to him. I was given Andrew, which they got out of a baby name book. |
| 30668 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Jim |
You know, it's getting real crowded in here. Maybe you guys should all go back to work because the day's not out yet. |
| 30669 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, no. You know what? You can't tell us what to do because you are not co-manager anymore. |
| 30670 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Jim |
Okay, I feel like this noise is going to prevent Pam from being able to listen to her body's signals. |
| 30671 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Pam |
Actually, the distractions are good. I mean, I don't think I'm going to make it until midnight if I'm just sitting here thinking about it. |
| 30672 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4707 |
Michael |
Distractions are good! That means conference room, five minutes! No, no, five seconds! Right now, right now! Conference room! Topic, potpourri! Let's go! |
| 30673 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4708 |
Michael |
Um, I am sort of a master of distraction. When I was a kid, my mom received compliments left and right from my teachers on how I was always able to distract others in class. Try to think, what were the first thirteen colonies? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. |
| 30674 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's mind off of what's going on inside of her body. |
| 30675 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Andy |
Can we do sleight of hand tricks? |
| 30676 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
I will allow that. |
| 30677 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Andy |
Yes! Can anyone do those? |
| 30678 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Stanley |
I'm going to go look at the Internet. |
| 30679 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Jim |
Oh! Oh, alright. That's a good one. |
| 30680 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Pam |
Oh, okay, uh, sorry, guys. Just, um, keep talking. |
| 30681 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30682 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, Pam, you are a woman warrior. |
| 30683 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Pam |
Oh, thanks, Kelly. |
| 30684 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
Does anybody have anything? Anything interesting, any hobbies, uh, special skills? |
| 30685 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Pam |
Yes, this is the only time I'm ever going to make this request. |
| 30686 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
Yes, Phyl? |
| 30687 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Phyllis |
I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club. |
| 30688 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
Nope, nope, I don't think anybody wants to see that. |
| 30689 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Andy |
I can do the evolution of dance-dance. |
| 30690 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Michael |
That sounds good! Do you need some music, or...? Okay. |
| 30691 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Andy |
Nope, actually music would just throw me off. I need complete silence. Okay... You're clapping. I need complete silence. Totally threw me off, so I'm going to have to start over. Evolution of dance-dance. |
| 30692 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Ryan |
"You let me in your bed. But now, I sleep alone. Trapped with the forgotten in my detritus home." |
| 30693 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4709 |
Erin |
Affirmed. Seattle Slew. Secretariat. Citation. Assault. Count Fleet. Rollaway. War Admiral. Omaha. Gallant Fox... And... I know this. Uh... The jockey was Johnny Loftus. Sired by Star Shoot. |
| 30694 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Angela |
Good afternoon. |
| 30695 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Dwight |
Have a seat. |
| 30696 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Angela |
What is this? |
| 30697 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Dwight |
Before we conceive a child, uh, it is important that we bang out a parenting contract. |
| 30698 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Angela |
Of course. |
| 30699 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Dwight |
It's been a long time since we've come down here separately. |
| 30700 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Angela |
You know I was thinking... |
| 30701 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Dwight |
Now, then. Let's get to it, shall we? Item one: Child will be breast fed by the mother for exactly six months, then weaned onto a nutrient-rich winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus. Agreed? |
| 30702 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4710 |
Angela |
Agreed. |
| 30703 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Where are we? We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen. Another seventy five contractions and you are going to be there. |
| 30704 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Kevin |
For the love of God, Pam, do it for ultra feast! |
| 30705 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Okay, you know what? I'm going to go give, uh, doctor Asmani a quick call. He'd probably know... |
| 30706 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Pam |
Jim, please. Happy thoughts here. Happy times. |
| 30707 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Yeah, happy times. Come on. Let's have happy times. |
| 30708 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 30709 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Jim, as a matter of fact, I have printed out ten ways to induce labor. And I'm thinking we just do the opposite of those things and we can slow down your labor. Erin, read the first one. |
| 30710 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Erin |
Um, stimulate the nipples. |
| 30711 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle. |
| 30712 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Kevin |
Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt. |
| 30713 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Meredith |
I have a shirt like that in my car. |
| 30714 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Okay, yeah, why don't you go get it? |
| 30715 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Erin |
Okay, uh, the second one is walk around. We're already doing the opposite of that. Perfect. Okay, number three, eat spicy foods. |
| 30716 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Okay, the opposite of that? |
| 30717 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Kevin |
Stick spicy food up her butt. |
| 30718 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Come on, let's go to the hospital. Pam, let's go to the hospital right now. |
| 30719 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Pam |
Jim, Jim, honey, I love you, but you're really distracting me from my distractions. |
| 30720 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Well, sorry. |
| 30721 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Pam |
Why don't you go do some work? |
| 30722 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Great. I will do that. Sorry, Pam, I just feel a little bit frazzled. And you know how very rarely I use that word. Frazzled. |
| 30723 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Pam |
I know, you don't like to be frazzled. |
| 30724 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
No, I don't. |
| 30725 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 30726 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Jim |
Oh, and by the way, hate that you're helping her with this right now. Totally. |
| 30727 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
Ooh, someone's freakin'. |
| 30728 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Andy |
A little frazzled. |
| 30729 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4711 |
Michael |
I think he is. |
| 30730 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4712 |
Jim |
I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she's gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, she's crazy. I'm not crazy, she's crazy. Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes. |
| 30731 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer. |
| 30732 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
Jedediah. |
| 30733 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Jonas. |
| 30734 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
Jedediah. |
| 30735 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Warf. |
| 30736 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
No Star Trek names. |
| 30737 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Okay. Fine. |
| 30738 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
What if it's a girl? |
| 30739 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male. |
| 30740 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here. |
| 30741 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
Yes you can. |
| 30742 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
No. |
| 30743 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Dwight |
It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after s*x, and then extremely cold for five months. |
| 30744 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4713 |
Angela |
Absolutely not. |
| 30745 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 30746 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Hey. I'm not going to get in the car, because I know if I do you'll try to drive me to the hospital. |
| 30747 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Ah, you know me too well. |
| 30748 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Okay, Jim. |
| 30749 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Yeah? ... Oh. |
| 30750 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Everything is fine. You don't have to worry. Try not to think about it. She's not coming out for a while, okay? |
| 30751 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Did you say "she?" |
| 30752 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
I called the doctor like a week ago. I couldn't wait... Oh, God, don't be mad. |
| 30753 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl. |
| 30754 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 30755 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Wow, we're having a little girl. Oh, man. |
| 30756 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 30757 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Woo, alright. Well, I definitely feel better. |
| 30758 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Good. |
| 30759 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 30760 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 30761 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Alright... Hey, did you change? |
| 30762 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, my water broke. |
| 30763 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4714 |
Jim |
Oh. Oh... |
| 30764 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Pam |
Oh, whoa. Ha. Wow. |
| 30765 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Michael |
Pam, Pam! Okay, alright, okay, it's time. Time to go to the hospital. Somebody get Jim, please! Is it midnight yet? |
| 30766 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Phyllis |
No, it's 4:35. |
| 30767 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Michael |
4:35. Alright, almost made it. Almost made it. Too bad you didn't have s*x like seven and a half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it. Let's go to the hospital, shall we? |
| 30768 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Pam |
No, not yet, Michael. |
| 30769 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Michael |
We can do... |
| 30770 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Pam |
Oh, wow, it's almost time for ultra feast! Where's Kevin? |
| 30771 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Michael |
Oh. What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital? |
| 30772 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Oscar |
That's fancy feast. Ultra feast is something they made up so they can pig out together in the name of ceremony. |
| 30773 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4715 |
Michael |
What is October feast? |
| 30774 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4716 |
Pam |
There is no rush to get to the hospital. I am fine. I'll get there. And if I don't get there, I don't get there. |
| 30775 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Kevin |
Our ultra feast menu's theme: Hollywood. We have Ratatouille, from Ratatouille, and tandoori chicken, from Born Into Brothels. I tried to bake a cake like that District 9 prawn thing, but I... Are you okay? |
| 30776 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. Yes, I'm fine. Um, yeah, the doctor said it's still considered a minor contraction as long as I can talk through it. |
| 30777 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Okay, okay, Jim. I think this feast is over and it's time to go to the hospital. |
| 30778 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Alright. Time to go. Okay. |
| 30779 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
That's right, let's do this. |
| 30780 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Let's give it a shot. |
| 30781 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Nope. No, no, that's better. That wasn't even the worst of them. I'm fine. |
| 30782 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Hey, come on. Let's go to the hospital. |
| 30783 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
They're not that bad still, babe. |
| 30784 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Pam, Pam, it's time. Let's go to the hospital. |
| 30785 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
No, it's passing, it's fine. It's okay. |
| 30786 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Come on, Michael says we should go now. |
| 30787 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Let's go, Pam. Yeah, I think we should head out. |
| 30788 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
No, it's passing, it's fine. |
| 30789 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 30790 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Ah, no, it passed. It's good. |
| 30791 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
You know what? Let's go. We got to go to the hospital. |
| 30792 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Okay, I'm not going. I'm not... It's fine. Okay, come on, come on. No! I am not going! I am not going, okay!? I'm not going today because I can't do it, I don't think I can do it. |
| 30793 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Hey, are you kidding me? |
| 30794 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Are you kidding? |
| 30795 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
If anyone can do this, you can do this. |
| 30796 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
You can do this. You can do this. |
| 30797 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Pam, I'm scared. I'm real scared. |
| 30798 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
I'm scared, too. |
| 30799 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Kevin |
I'm petrified. |
| 30800 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
The best news is, we're going to have a baby today. |
| 30801 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 30802 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
A really awesome baby. |
| 30803 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
We're going to have a baby. |
| 30804 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
So let's have it at the hospital. |
| 30805 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Let's do that. |
| 30806 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
How are we doing on contractions? |
| 30807 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Two minutes apart. |
| 30808 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Two minutes... |
| 30809 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Oh, God. Oh, no. |
| 30810 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
Michael, I told you. |
| 30811 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
It's okay. |
| 30812 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
No, I told you to warn me at five minutes. |
| 30813 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
Jim, we waited too long! |
| 30814 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
I know, I know, I know. It went by too soon. |
| 30815 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Jim |
We waited too long! Two minutes doesn't do us any good. Well, what happened to four and three minutes? |
| 30816 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
We're okay, Jim! Okay, Pamela. You know what time it is? |
| 30817 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
I don't want to have my baby here. |
| 30818 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
You're not going to. You know where you're going? |
| 30819 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
The hospital. |
| 30820 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Yes, you are. And you know what you're going to have? |
| 30821 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Pam |
A baby. |
| 30822 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4717 |
Michael |
Yes! We're going to the hospital and we're going to have a baby. |
| 30823 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
I got it! I got it! Everybody it's go time! At your stations. Stanley, man the phones. Meredith, please, get bottled water. Erin, call an ambulance, please! |
| 30824 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. Ambulances are emergencies only. You call an ambulance, I call the cops. |
| 30825 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Jim |
Alright, we're driving ourselves, actually. |
| 30826 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
No, Jim, you are in no condition to drive. I will drive you. Check! Got it. |
| 30827 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Jim |
Alright, I have my wallet. |
| 30828 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 30829 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Jim |
Go bag's in the car... Keys, my keys, where's my keys? |
| 30830 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
Go bag! Where's my go bag? Where's my go bag? |
| 30831 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Erin |
There's nothing in it. |
| 30832 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
You are telling me now that there is nothing in it. Okay, great! Oh, hey, hey, um, should I bring a dictionary to the hospital? |
| 30833 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Oscar |
The hospital provides dictionaries, bring a thesaurus! |
| 30834 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Dwight |
Has anyone checked how dilated she is? This is ridiculous! |
| 30835 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Pam |
Dwight, get away! |
| 30836 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
No, no, no. Dwight, let Jim do that, please. |
| 30837 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Erin |
I didn't know we had a tape measure. |
| 30838 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Dwight |
"We" don't. |
| 30839 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Jim |
Okay, I can't find my keys! I cannot find my keys! Found 'em. They're here. |
| 30840 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Dwight, Jim, Michael |
Here we go! |
| 30841 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Phyllis |
Good luck! |
| 30842 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Nick |
Good luck, Pam! |
| 30843 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Michael |
Thank you! Wish me luck! |
| 30844 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Creed |
Have fun! |
| 30845 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4718 |
Meredith |
Hey, it's 5:00! |
| 30846 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4719 |
Michael |
Here we go! Here we go! On our way! |
| 30847 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4719 |
Stanley |
Hold it! |
| 30848 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4719 |
Michael |
Come on, Stanley! Okay. We're going now! |
| 30849 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4719 |
Toby |
Oh, one more! |
| 30850 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4719 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no! Out, out! Idiot. |
| 30851 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
Dwight, what is the traffic like? |
| 30852 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
Doesn't matter. I'll escort you! |
| 30853 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 30854 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
Let's go! |
| 30855 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
Geesh, Dwight! |
| 30856 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
Michael! |
| 30857 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
What!? |
| 30858 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
This is where I saw that deer last week. |
| 30859 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
Where? |
| 30860 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
Right over by that fence. |
| 30861 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
By the bushes? |
| 30862 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Jim |
Okay, Michael! Focus! |
| 30863 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Michael |
Okay, go, go, go, go! |
| 30864 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4720 |
Dwight |
Let's go! |
| 30865 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4721 |
Dwight |
I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. I got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends. |
| 30866 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Jim |
Alright, here we go! You're doing great! She'll be here soon. |
| 30867 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Michael |
Okay, just breathe... She? You found out? Come on, guys. I wanted to be surprised. |
| 30868 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Pam |
Michael! |
| 30869 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 30870 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Pam |
Stop texting, put your phone away! Come on. |
| 30871 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Jim |
Michael, come on! |
| 30872 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4722 |
Michael |
I'm texting about you, okay!? |
| 30873 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4723 |
Dwight |
Ugh, alright. Let's move! ... What? |
| 30874 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4723 |
Policeman |
Pull over! |
| 30875 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4723 |
Dwight |
Are you kidding me? |
| 30876 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4723 |
Policeman |
Pull over! You're not allowed to impersonate a police officer! Don't make this difficult, Dwight! |
| 30877 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
Wait, wait. My iPod's not in here! |
| 30878 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 30879 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
It has the birth song on it! |
| 30880 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Jim |
Okay. I know, I know. But my iPod is in the go bag. We'll be fine. |
| 30881 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
Jim, I don't want the first thing the baby hears to be the 8 Mile soundtrack. |
| 30882 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Jim |
Okay, so what do you want to do? |
| 30883 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
I don't know! Let's go by the house and get it. It's only twenty minutes past the hospital! |
| 30884 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Jim |
Pam, no! Are you nuts? We're going to the hospital now. |
| 30885 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Michael |
Guys, guys! Stop fighting, come on. Come on. Do you want your kid to come out a lawyer? Right? Okay, you know what? I am all over this. Here we go. Ready? |
| 30886 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 30887 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Michael |
Hello, Dwight. Pam left her iPod at her house. I want you to swing by, pick it up, and bring it to the hospital. We need it yesterday. |
| 30888 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Dwight |
Why didn't you ask me to do it yesterday? I kept IM'ing you how bored I was. |
| 30889 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30890 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
Dwight! Go to my house. Get my iPod. I think it's on the kitchen table. Do not touch anything else. The key is under... |
| 30891 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Dwight |
I don't need a key. |
| 30892 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
Okay, Dwight, but if you do need a key, just listen it's under the... |
| 30893 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Dwight |
No, no, don't, don't tell me. Alalalalalalalalalala lalalalalala alalalalalalalala. |
| 30894 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4724 |
Pam |
Dwight just listen! It's underneath... |
| 30895 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 30896 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Jim |
Wait, you alright? |
| 30897 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 30898 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Michael |
Do you have everything, guys? |
| 30899 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Jim |
Michael, just go park the car. |
| 30900 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Michael |
Okay, alright. |
| 30901 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Hospital employee |
Sir! You can't park here! |
| 30902 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4725 |
Michael |
Dunder-Mifflin. It's okay. I just did. |
| 30903 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Jim |
Pam's doing great. Uh, she's ten inches dilated now. Uh, sorry, meters. Centimeters. And she's also fully faced. Which I don't know what that is, uh, but no baby yet. It's only been six, uh, nineteen hours, and uh, I just went out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing, very good. |
| 30904 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Nurse |
Daddy? She's ready to push. |
| 30905 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 30906 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Michael |
Where is my little nibblet? Halpert, room D1. Alright, family only beyond this point, thank you. Here we go. |
| 30907 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Jim |
Doing great, push again. |
| 30908 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Doctor |
Not yet. |
| 30909 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Jim |
No, don't push. Pull. Pull. |
| 30910 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Nurse |
Why don't you get more ice chips? |
| 30911 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Pam |
No, Jim, stay! |
| 30912 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Doctor |
Okay. Really push this time, Pam. |
| 30913 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 30914 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4726 |
Michael |
Okay, not yet, not yet. I'm going to go wash my eyes. |
| 30915 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4727 |
Michael |
That kid's going to have a lot of hair. |
| 30916 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4728 |
Andy |
Hey, have you guys seen her? |
| 30917 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4728 |
Meredith |
She hasn't popped yet. |
| 30918 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4728 |
Andy |
What? God damn it. She was supposed to come out yesterday. |
| 30919 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4729 |
Andy |
I decided to give baby Halpert a newspaper from the day she was born. This frame set me back fifty five bones. But she decided to take her sweet time, so now I have to switch it with today's paper. |
| 30920 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Phyllis |
This is ridiculous. We just can't wait here. |
| 30921 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Michael |
I think it's going to be any minute now. |
| 30922 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Phyllis |
But you don't know that. I mean, we could be here another half an hour. |
| 30923 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Michael |
Phyllis, what could you possibly have to do? |
| 30924 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Phyllis |
I have an ice cream cake in the car. |
| 30925 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4730 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. Go, go, go! Are you insane? Alright. |
| 30926 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4731 |
Michael |
Guys? Hello? Um, sorry to be a bother, but if we could have an ETA when this is gonna... |
| 30927 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4731 |
Pam |
This is happening! |
| 30928 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4731 |
Michael |
You're starting, you're kinda losing them. |
| 30929 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4731 |
Jim |
Oh, my God! Look at her! baby, she's so beautiful! Oh, my God. |
| 30930 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4731 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. |
| 30931 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4732 |
Michael |
Yeah, that's right. It's a baby, see? |
| 30932 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4732 |
Doctor |
Sir! Sir, you can't smoke that in here. Put it, put it out. |
| 30933 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4732 |
Michael |
Okay. You can't smoke anywhere these days. |
| 30934 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4733 |
Pam |
She's incredible. Want to count her fingers and toes again? |
| 30935 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4733 |
Jim |
No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there's still twelve on each. |
| 30936 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4733 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 30937 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Michael |
Guys, guys! |
| 30938 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Jim |
Her name is Cecelia Marie Halpert. |
| 30939 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Michael |
Eleven pounds... |
| 30940 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Jim |
She's seven pounds, two ounces, eighteen inches. Mother and daughter are doing great. |
| 30941 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Everyone |
Yeah! |
| 30942 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Michael |
Thank you! Thank you! |
| 30943 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4734 |
Oscar |
Congratulations. That's great. |
| 30944 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Helene |
Hi there. |
| 30945 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Jim |
Hey, grandma's back. |
| 30946 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Helene |
Well, it was an adventure and a half trying to find the cafeteria, but I have returned with the coffee. |
| 30947 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 30948 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Pam |
Oh, thank God. I haven't had caffeine in nine months. |
| 30949 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Helene |
Ooh, somebody has a full diaper. |
| 30950 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4735 |
Jim |
Oh. Let me get it. |
| 30951 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4736 |
Jim |
I am a diapering master. I have done little else in the past two months. There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you. |
| 30952 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Where's the baby? I want to see the baby. Oh! Oh, Helene, hi. Oh, my goodness, what are the odds of this? Congratulations on being a grandma. |
| 30953 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Helene |
Hello, Michael. |
| 30954 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Hello. Oh, good for you. I worry about you. |
| 30955 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Helene |
I'm, uh... You know I think, uh, I think it's time for me to go. |
| 30956 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 30957 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Helene |
Love you. |
| 30958 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Love you, as a friend. |
| 30959 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Pam |
Love you, mom. |
| 30960 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Ooh, I want to hold the baby! |
| 30961 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Pam |
Okay, you just have to use the hand sanitizer first. |
| 30962 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 30963 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Pam |
Again, no pants. |
| 30964 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 30965 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Jim |
Ready? |
| 30966 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. Oh. Ooh, wow. Michael. Michael. |
| 30967 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4737 |
Jim |
It's so weird, she was saying it just before you got here. |
| 30968 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4738 |
Dwight |
Yesterday, I was dispatched to Jim and Pam's house to find Pam's iPod. I searched everywhere, but I didn't find it. What I did find, was mold, and lots of it. So, I did what anyone would do. Read a book, had a bath, I got a good night's sleep, and I made plans to eradicate it. I also made plans to ask Jim where he bought his marvelous sheets... Time to get to work . |
| 30969 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Michael |
There she sat. Her name was Pam. She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal. There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman. The odds of them getting together were insur-mountain-able. I made a family! I got these two together, and I made a family. |
| 30970 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Andy |
This man has a gift! |
| 30971 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Michael |
Who else here is single? |
| 30972 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Kelly |
I'm not single. I have a man. |
| 30973 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Michael |
I am offering up my services to you all. You saw what I did with Pam and Jim. I can help you, too. |
| 30974 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Stanley |
Why do you find someone for yourself instead of meddling in our affairs? |
| 30975 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Michael |
Okay, show of hands. Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don't have any? Who else? Come on! People, I know models! |
| 30976 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Ryan |
Ha ha, plus size models, maybe. |
| 30977 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Michael |
Ha ha, you got that right! Meredith? Come on, you're obviously single. |
| 30978 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4739 |
Meredith |
You know it. I am never getting married. |
| 30979 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4740 |
Meredith |
Like Clooney. |
| 30980 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4741 |
Michael |
Andrew, what about you? |
| 30981 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4741 |
Andy |
Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so not good timing. |
| 30982 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4742 |
Andy |
Yes, I'm going to ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible. |
| 30983 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4743 |
Michael |
Well, when you least expect it, expect it. I am going to fill the empty voids in your life with love. I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person. And, like Cupid, I am going to shoot you with love. |
| 30984 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Pam |
Remember yesterday when we were terrified of being parents? |
| 30985 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Jim |
We were just kids. What did we know? |
| 30986 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Nurse |
How we doing? |
| 30987 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 30988 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Pam |
Good. |
| 30989 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Nurse |
Would you like me to take her to the nursery for the night? |
| 30990 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Pam |
Doesn't she sleep here? |
| 30991 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Nurse |
She can. But a lot of parents choose to have the baby spend the first night in the nursery to get some rest. You've been through a lot. |
| 30992 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Jim |
I think we'll be okay. |
| 30993 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Nurse |
Okay, great. |
| 30994 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4744 |
Pam |
Oh, big yawn. |
| 30995 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Jim |
Ready? One, two, three... |
| 30996 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Pam |
One, and then wrap around. It's okay. Hold that arm down. |
| 30997 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Jim |
I can't. She's too strong. She's, careful, though. You don't want to break it. |
| 30998 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Pam |
She's not gonna... Just... |
| 30999 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Jim |
I got it. Alright. |
| 31000 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Pam |
Go. |
| 31001 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4745 |
Jim |
Nurse! |
| 31002 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
How you doing? |
| 31003 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
I don't know. I just, I can't tell if she's getting anything. |
| 31004 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 31005 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
Doesn't feel right. |
| 31006 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Well, you're pushing the milk out, right? |
| 31007 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
How does one do that? |
| 31008 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Wasn't it... It's kinda like a... Like that. |
| 31009 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
Do you want to try it, Jim? |
| 31010 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
I think you're good. Doing a good job. |
| 31011 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Somebody buzzed? |
| 31012 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Oh! Really? Must have sat on it, Pam. |
| 31013 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
I can't tell if she's getting anything. It just doesn't really feel right. |
| 31014 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Well, maybe we should take a break for a little while. I can take her to the nursery and then bring her back and try again a little bit later. |
| 31015 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
Even if she's not getting anything? |
| 31016 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Yeah, she'll be fine. I can always give her a bottle since we're in the nursery. |
| 31017 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
No. I read in the book about nipple confusion. |
| 31018 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Oh, good. You know everything. |
| 31019 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
She's just, she's really tentative about latching, and I just, I want to keep her self-esteem up. |
| 31020 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Well, I'll bring her back in a little while and we can try again, okay? |
| 31021 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 31022 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Nurse |
Alright. |
| 31023 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
It's going to be alright. |
| 31024 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Pam |
Maybe it'll be good because then she can like socialize with the other babies. |
| 31025 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4746 |
Jim |
Ha ha. No, yeah, that will be good. |
| 31026 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
You wanted to see me? |
| 31027 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
What would you say, if I told you that I was about to change your life? |
| 31028 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
Oh, boy! ... What's that sound? |
| 31029 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Ta-da! |
| 31030 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
I would like you to meet your new boyfriend. |
| 31031 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 31032 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
I don't know what to say. |
| 31033 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Oh, say nothing. You will learn to love me. |
| 31034 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
Okay, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to let the cookies cool before you pop 'em in your mouth. Why don't you guys get to know each other? Maybe have lunch together? |
| 31035 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Erin, would you have lunch with me? |
| 31036 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 31037 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
Good! |
| 31038 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 31039 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
Michael, could I talk to you privately? |
| 31040 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
Sure. Kevin, please leave. |
| 31041 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Kevin |
Bye. |
| 31042 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
Bye. |
| 31043 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression I'm into Kevin, but I'm not. I like Andy. |
| 31044 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
Okay. This is going to kill Kevin. |
| 31045 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
I'm sure he'll be fine. |
| 31046 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Michael |
I'm not so sure. Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally, he has an elephant heart. He had a transplant when he was seventeen. Had some problems, blah blah blah. |
| 31047 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4747 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 31048 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4748 |
Michael |
No, Kevin doesn't have an elephant heart. But he is very sensitive. And it won't kill Erin just to go and have lunch with him in the break room like I promised him... I bet his heart is enlarged, though. |
| 31049 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4749 |
Erin |
I don't want anyone to die. |
| 31050 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4749 |
Michael |
Just don't let him sit on you... I'm kidding. You'll have fun. It'll be good. It'll be good. There he is. Go to him. |
| 31051 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4749 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 31052 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4749 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 31053 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4749 |
Kevin |
She touched my shoulder. |
| 31054 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Nurse |
Hey, guys. We're short on rooms, so this is Dale and Kathy. |
| 31055 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Jim |
Oh, hi. |
| 31056 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Kathy |
Hi. |
| 31057 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Dale |
Hi, so sorry. |
| 31058 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Jim |
Careful... Wow, she just shoves the nipple right in there. |
| 31059 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 31060 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4750 |
Jim |
You see that? I'm pretty sure she's... Hi. |
| 31061 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4751 |
Erin |
Did you grow up around here? |
| 31062 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4751 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 31063 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4751 |
Erin |
So, you must have grown up around somewhere else? |
| 31064 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4751 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 31065 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4752 |
Andy |
Why was I hiding behind the plant? Ha, well, in college, I took a botony class, and there was lots of drama in that class. Uh, kids would gossip about me, so I would eavesdrop on them by hiding behind different plants in the botony class. And then, uh, they would say things like "Oh, this guy's going to fail this class," or, "What's this guy doing spying on us from behind plants?" And then I would jump out of them and confront them, and be like, "Oh, you think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted." ... Oh, the reason? The reason I was hiding behind that plant in this situation was that I thought that Erin and Kevin were kind of hitting it off, and... I was jealous. |
| 31066 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Hospital employee |
Uh, hi, Pam Halpert? |
| 31067 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Yes? |
| 31068 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Hospital employee |
Hi. I'm Clark. Josie said you might benefit from a lactation consultant. |
| 31069 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Um, yeah, that would be great. |
| 31070 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Yup. Really great. When's she available? |
| 31071 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Actually, uh, I'm the consultant. Got milk? Ha ha. Alright, let's see what we're working with. |
| 31072 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
So, uh, biggest thing, besides not being able to get her to latch... |
| 31073 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
I'll get that for you. |
| 31074 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you. Is that um, I can't tell if I'm really producing. I don't know if she's getting anything. |
| 31075 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Okay. Let me feel here. |
| 31076 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 31077 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Yeah, it's quite full. Why don't you put your hand on top of my hand. |
| 31078 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 31079 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
When you're feeding, you want to press in like this, make your hand in a C. Uh, does that hurt? |
| 31080 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
No, I mean, it feels... pressure. |
| 31081 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Okay. |
| 31082 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Are you sure it doesn't hurt? |
| 31083 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
No. It just feels like pressure. |
| 31084 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Okay, well. Feel how I'm flicking the nipple? Like that? |
| 31085 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 31086 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Stimulate it. |
| 31087 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 31088 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Alright, so you just want to do that, and that will, uh... |
| 31089 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Perfect. |
| 31090 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
And you can just... The baby should grab on to that. |
| 31091 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
I think she will. |
| 31092 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Okay. So, I'm just not sure if I'm releasing, though. I'm not sure if... |
| 31093 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
We'll figure it out. |
| 31094 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
It doesn't... Why don't you bring your baby over here... She's beautiful. |
| 31095 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Okay. Aw, thank you. |
| 31096 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Yes, congratulations. |
| 31097 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 31098 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Clark |
Well, you're doing a good job. Just stay relaxed, and I'll come back in a bit to check on you. Okay? |
| 31099 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 31100 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Please do. |
| 31101 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Oh, shoot. |
| 31102 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
What? |
| 31103 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Shoot, she fell off. |
| 31104 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Oh, uh, try the torpedo thing. |
| 31105 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Will you just, will you grab Clark real quick? |
| 31106 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
No need. I saw him do it. I can try it. |
| 31107 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Pam |
Um, Jim, please, please, please, I think it'd be weird if you did it. |
| 31108 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4753 |
Jim |
Okay, I'll just go get the other guy. |
| 31109 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Dwight |
Hey, what's up, kid? |
| 31110 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Angela |
Have you had a chance to look over the revisions on the contract I've prepared for you? |
| 31111 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Dwight |
Nothing left to do except dot the I's, the J's, and the umlauts. Why don't you meet me here at exactly mid-late afternoon? |
| 31112 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Angela |
I look forward to it. |
| 31113 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Dwight |
Very well. |
| 31114 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4754 |
Angela |
Goodbye. |
| 31115 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
Jim, Jim, get her. |
| 31116 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
Hmm? |
| 31117 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
Get the baby. Get her. Come on. |
| 31118 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
Okay. Sshh. I know. |
| 31119 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
I got her. Okay. Okay. Okay... Jim! She latched! She latched. |
| 31120 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
That's amazing. |
| 31121 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. I didn't even have to do the "C thing." |
| 31122 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
That's awesome. |
| 31123 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
Aw, we're doing it. |
| 31124 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
that's great. |
| 31125 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Pam |
We're really parents now. |
| 31126 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4755 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 31127 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
Kevin. Erin would like a few words with you. |
| 31128 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 31129 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 31130 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
I have really enjoyed our time together. |
| 31131 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Yeah, me too. |
| 31132 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
I want to continue working on our friendship. |
| 31133 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Really, really fun. |
| 31134 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
Because I think our friendship could be a really cool thing. |
| 31135 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Yeah, me too. |
| 31136 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
And, you're my friend. |
| 31137 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 31138 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
And I hope that I'm your friend... And, maybe... |
| 31139 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 31140 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
Oh, my God, this is agonizing. Look, Kevin, do you really think that you could have dated Erin? |
| 31141 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
You said she liked me. |
| 31142 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
Okay, even if someone told you that, you should know that that could never be possible, Kevin. And I'm surprised that you didn't question me in the first place. |
| 31143 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
I've dumped better than Erin. |
| 31144 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
No. |
| 31145 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Lynn was way hotter than Erin, Michael. |
| 31146 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
Lynn was as hot as Erin. |
| 31147 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Michael, but you dated Holly and Jan, and they were so much hotter than you. |
| 31148 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
This isn't about me, and that is debatable. And I have a personality, where as you... Yes, Andy? |
| 31149 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Andy |
Ow. |
| 31150 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Michael |
Kev... Nice. Going. |
| 31151 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4756 |
Erin |
Well... |
| 31152 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Isabelle |
Knock knock. |
| 31153 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, Isabelle. |
| 31154 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 31155 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Isabelle |
Hey. Pam, she's gorgeous. Can I hold her? |
| 31156 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
Yes. She was a little fussy earlier, but she's totally quieted down. Here, let me just, uh, let me just burp her. I don't want her to spit up on you. Come here, sweety... Oh, my God! Wrong baby! |
| 31157 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
What? |
| 31158 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
Wrong baby! This is not our baby! Sshh. |
| 31159 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Okay, okay. |
| 31160 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
Oh, my gosh. |
| 31161 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Kathy |
Oh,has she been fussing long? |
| 31162 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
No, not at all. |
| 31163 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Perfect. |
| 31164 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Kathy |
I was out like a light... Oh, she's not hungry... |
| 31165 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
How's it going? |
| 31166 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Pam |
Well, I feel like she needs to eat, but she won't latch on, which is weird, because the other baby di... |
| 31167 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Ha ha ha. |
| 31168 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
Bottles are fine. A lot of babies grow up using bottles. So are you excited to bring your baby home? |
| 31169 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
We definitely are. At 3:00, right? You said we could stay until 3:00? |
| 31170 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
Yeah, you can. It's 2:35. |
| 31171 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Half hour. |
| 31172 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
Twenty five minutes. And you're all set with the car seat? |
| 31173 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Yes, car seat's right there. |
| 31174 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
That bottom part needs to go in the car. |
| 31175 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Newsflash, the whole thing needs to go in the car. |
| 31176 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Nurse |
Ha ha, be back in twenty five minutes. |
| 31177 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4757 |
Jim |
Or it could be a half hour, if you need it to be... Can we get a late checkout? I don't... I don't think she heard me. |
| 31178 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Hello? Dwight? What, what are you doing here? |
| 31179 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Isabelle. Hello... Yeah, the uh, kitchen was disgusting, so... |
| 31180 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Wow, ha. New cabinets. |
| 31181 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Yup. |
| 31182 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
All I did was bring macaroni and cheese... Where's the fridge? |
| 31183 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Oh, it's... In the backyard. I'll take this. |
| 31184 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Oh... Well, I'll let you get back to it. |
| 31185 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Hey, listen. I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by sometime for a teeth cleaning. You know, just for fun. |
| 31186 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Well, adults are supposed to go to the dentist, too. |
| 31187 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Are they now? Ha ha, how some people spend their money, right? Ha ha. |
| 31188 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Yeah... |
| 31189 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Dwight |
Alright. I'll call you, kid. |
| 31190 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4758 |
Isabelle |
Do that. |
| 31191 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Jim |
Are you really sure we should be leaving? |
| 31192 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Hospital employee |
Yeah. |
| 31193 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Jim |
But you hear the baby crying, right? |
| 31194 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Hospital employee |
Mm-hmm... Where's your car? |
| 31195 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Jim |
Uh, it's in the lot. |
| 31196 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Hospital employee |
Oh, a lot of fathers bring their car around. |
| 31197 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Jim |
Right, okay. Yes, that would be the smart thing to do. Uh, Pam, I will be right back. |
| 31198 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4759 |
Pam |
Okay, please hurry. |
| 31199 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4760 |
Andy |
Erin, uh, I need you to send this fax immediately. It's really important, so I'm going to stand here and wait for the confirmation. |
| 31200 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4760 |
Erin |
Okay, good. |
| 31201 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4761 |
Andy |
The fax says "Erin, will you have dinner with me?" from Andy, and the number is our office fax number. |
| 31202 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
It's busy. Why don't I keep trying, and then I'll give you the confirmation in a bit? |
| 31203 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
Sorry, that's unacceptable. I need you to send it immediately, or you're fired. |
| 31204 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong. I've been having a tough day today. |
| 31205 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
Oh, God, no. I'm... Just read the fax. |
| 31206 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
You read the fax. |
| 31207 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
I'm... I'm asking you out. |
| 31208 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
Oh, my God. That's amazing. Let me just fax this, and I'll check my planner. |
| 31209 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
So, it's a date. |
| 31210 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
Yes. Do you have a day in mind? |
| 31211 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
Yeah, what day? What day? |
| 31212 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
Everyday is fine. Or... |
| 31213 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
Well, that, what's that one? |
| 31214 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
Thursday? |
| 31215 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Andy |
Okay. Let's do it. |
| 31216 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4762 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 31217 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Hospital employee |
Would you like me to help you up out of the chair? |
| 31218 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, sorry. |
| 31219 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Hospital employee |
Yeah, we just got a lot of discharges today. |
| 31220 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Pam |
Okay, alright, thanks... Okay, do you want to eat? You want to try eating? Okay... Okay, let me... Just you and me. Come on. There we go... Yeah... Oh, yeah. Like that. There we go. You got it. |
| 31221 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Jim |
Five tickets on the windshield... Hey. |
| 31222 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Pam |
Hi. We did it. |
| 31223 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Jim |
You used my move, didn't you? |
| 31224 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4763 |
Pam |
I used a variation of your move. |
| 31225 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4764 |
Michael |
There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love. And that is what I thought that Erin and Kevin were going to find today... I think I'm going to be sick... |
| 31226 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4765 |
Dwight |
Two forms of ID, please. |
| 31227 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4765 |
Angela |
And now you, two forms of ID, please... Alright, all is in order. I just need your signature... What is it? |
| 31228 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4765 |
Dwight |
Nothing. |
| 31229 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4765 |
Angela |
Alright. How would you like to celebrate? |
| 31230 |
6 |
17 |
The Delivery (Parts 1&2) |
4765 |
Dwight |
Just pour yourself a cup of apple juice. I feel sick... I couldn't find the iPod... Give me a couple days. I'll be out of your hair. |
| 31231 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4766 |
Michael |
Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day. |
| 31232 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Kelly |
I don't want to bring my friends, why can't it just be the two of us? |
| 31233 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Ryan |
Because it's St. Patrick's Day, people go out in groups. |
| 31234 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Kelly |
Well why don't you invite your friends? |
| 31235 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Ryan |
Why are you being so weird about this? |
| 31236 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Meredith |
Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids. |
| 31237 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Ryan |
Why no kids? |
| 31238 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Kelly |
Yeah, where are your kids? |
| 31239 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4767 |
Meredith |
Nope. Nuh -uh. Not today! |
| 31240 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4768 |
Michael |
It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. |
| 31241 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Erin |
Welcome back, "Dad!" |
| 31242 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
Oh, thank you! |
| 31243 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Phyllis |
Hey! |
| 31244 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Stanley |
Hey! |
| 31245 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Andy |
Welcome back Tuna! |
| 31246 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
Hey... |
| 31247 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Dwight |
Very good. Okay. Will get back to you right away on that, thanks. |
| 31248 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
What do we got here? |
| 31249 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Dwight |
Mega-Desk. |
| 31250 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
Of course. |
| 31251 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Dwight |
Command central. |
| 31252 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
Hm hm. |
| 31253 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Dwight |
Surveillance, gaming- and business. |
| 31254 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Jim |
Okay. Just gotta... |
| 31255 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4769 |
Dwight |
Okay. Come on! Jim! |
| 31256 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4770 |
Dwight |
Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dumb-ass have been away on maternity leave. Now Dweedle Dumb-ass is back, and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Mega-Desk was my own damn fault. But ... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Mega-Desk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Mega-Desk. |
| 31257 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4771 |
Jo |
Oh, I love this, so much fun! There's such team spirit in this room! 'Morning Darling! |
| 31258 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4771 |
Jim |
Morning! |
| 31259 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4772 |
Jo |
Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Oh I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Hoo, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something. |
| 31260 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
Oh good morning sweetheart. |
| 31261 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Michael |
Morning, honey-pile. |
| 31262 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
I'm sorry but is that a gift I see in your hands? |
| 31263 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Michael |
It is. This is a little something for you to remember your time here in Scranton by. |
| 31264 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
Is that a lump of coal? |
| 31265 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Michael |
Yes it is! |
| 31266 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
Have I been that naughty? |
| 31267 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Michael |
No, no no- that is a good gift actually. Buildings here in Scranton are literally powered by coal. |
| 31268 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
Err, thank you very much. We, we don't get to see much coal in Tallahassee, I'm used to alligators, and some of the worst Chinese food you've ever tasted. |
| 31269 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Michael |
Mm, that sounds great, actually. |
| 31270 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4773 |
Jo |
Well, if you ever get down in my neck of the woods, you got a place to stay. |
| 31271 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4774 |
Michael |
When you work for Sabre, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, or you practice bestiality, if Jo likes you, you are in. And I am in! |
| 31272 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4775 |
Andy |
Erin go braugh! |
| 31273 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4775 |
Erin |
Andy go braugh to you! Nice kilt! |
| 31274 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4775 |
Andy |
Thanks. It's actually my sister's old field hockey skirt. |
| 31275 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4776 |
Andy |
Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to "How I Met Your Mother" that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them. |
| 31276 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Jim |
No. |
| 31277 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Dwight |
Great. |
| 31278 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Jim |
No. |
| 31279 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 31280 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Jim |
No-no-no-no-no. |
| 31281 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Dwight |
Oh come on. Come on. Five more minutes? Five more minutes of Mega-Desk? Please? |
| 31282 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4777 |
Jim |
Is this yours or mine? |
| 31283 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4778 |
Dwight |
They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy! |
| 31284 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
Good Lord! I can't believe I'm missing this. |
| 31285 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Pam |
It's kind of like that lip thing she did last night, like a half snarl, half smile? I get the sense that she's very ironic. |
| 31286 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
Okay. Love you. We'll talk soon. |
| 31287 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
Must be amazing being a father right, a miracle of life? |
| 31288 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
It is. Big time. |
| 31289 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now. |
| 31290 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
Pretty amazing. |
| 31291 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
What up is, what down is, who Mom is, who Dad is. Must be tough being here with all that going on. |
| 31292 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons. |
| 31293 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
I mean, you're here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father. |
| 31294 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
Is that what happened to you? |
| 31295 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet-nurse was my mother. |
| 31296 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Jim |
That's a common mistake. |
| 31297 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4779 |
Dwight |
Turned out fine for me. But Mose? Oh. Same story, different ending. |
| 31298 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4780 |
Angela |
Hey! Are you sick? |
| 31299 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4780 |
Erin |
Oh, no I'm fine, I just have a little indigestion. |
| 31300 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4780 |
Angela |
In your nose? |
| 31301 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4780 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 31302 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4781 |
Erin |
I'm a little sick but I don't want to miss my date with Andy. I'll get better. Whenever I'm sick it goes away within a few hours. Except once, when I was in the hospital from age three to six. |
| 31303 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Now, after all the talking I've been doing. It's your turn. This is a town hall meeting. I want to hear what you all sound like. |
| 31304 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
That is a great idea JB. |
| 31305 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Thank you. You know I get way too many ideas from the top. Now I want to hear your ideas. I mean, did you guys know that Liquid Paper? That wasn't invented by some fancy engineer. No, that was created by a lowly typist. |
| 31306 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Kevin |
Jo, I have an idea, for suntan lotion - soap. |
| 31307 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
You know it doesn't have to be an invention. |
| 31308 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Oscar |
I have a question. |
| 31309 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Oscar, homosexual accountant. |
| 31310 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Oscar |
In the training manual it says, that there is a minority executive training program in Tallahassee? |
| 31311 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
I am so proud of Sabre's "Print In All Colors" initiative. Any Sabre employee of color, is welcome to apply. Daryl? |
| 31312 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Daryl. Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse... |
| 31313 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Okay hush now. |
| 31314 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 31315 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Daryl |
The Sabre shipping method could be more efficient. Combining inventory systems makes sense on paper, but printers and paper ship differently. It'll be faster to deliver them separately, instead of waiting on everything to come in. |
| 31316 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
But you wouldn't need more trucks? |
| 31317 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Daryl |
Not at all. There's a way that it can be scheduled. I sketched this out downstairs. |
| 31318 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Oh look at you. |
| 31319 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Look at that picture that you drew. Nice job! We're very proud of you. You know what, we're gonna tape that up on the refrigerator in the kitchen. |
| 31320 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
I like this Daryl. I like this a lot. Maybe you should be doing your sketching upstairs. Would you like an office up here? |
| 31321 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Daryl |
Are you serious? |
| 31322 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Yeah. Take Jim's old office. |
| 31323 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Gabe |
Um. I set my stuff up in there. So... just give me a few minutes to clean that out for you. |
| 31324 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Yeah, I want to hear more from you. |
| 31325 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Daryl |
Absolutely. |
| 31326 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
All right. |
| 31327 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Daryl |
Thank you. |
| 31328 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Okay. Any questions? Anything on anybody's mind? I'm leaving tonight, this is your last chance for a while! |
| 31329 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Oh no! Say it's not so, Jo, we're gonna miss you, we're gonna miss you so much! |
| 31330 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Yes, well okay. Florida ain't that far away. |
| 31331 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
Well, I am heading down there. |
| 31332 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Well, anytime now. |
| 31333 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
How about July 4th weekend? |
| 31334 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Oh honey you didn't buy a ticket? |
| 31335 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
I did! |
| 31336 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Oh honey. I'm not home, very often. And uh, me and my relatives, they take up the guesthouse. I think you should check with my office, before you book any dates, okay? |
| 31337 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
You know what, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have actually reserved a bunch of different seats on a bunch of different flights, but there are a couple of flights that only have two tickets left, so I think we should pull the trigger and - |
| 31338 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Jo |
Enough! |
| 31339 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4782 |
Michael |
All right, everybody, just try to put a brave face on. |
| 31340 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4783 |
Michael |
Let's follow the chain of events. Jo likes Michael. Jo invites Michael to house. Jo doesn't like Michael anymore. Hmmm. |
| 31341 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4784 |
Daryl |
Moving on up, to the East Side, to the deluxe apartment in the sky... |
| 31342 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Michael |
Hello. I want you to stop what you're doing right now. You are stressed, and I'm taking you to lunch. |
| 31343 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Jo |
No, that's very generous of you, but I'm all set. |
| 31344 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Michael |
No is not an option. |
| 31345 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Jo |
Yes it is. |
| 31346 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Michael |
All right. Well if you need me, I'll be on the other side of that wall. Knock once for yes, twice for no. |
| 31347 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Jo |
How many knocks does it take to get you to do some work? |
| 31348 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4785 |
Michael |
I'll be over there. |
| 31349 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
And I'm actually pleased to be able to offer you printer cartridges and toner now. |
| 31350 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
Oh Jim, Jim! Sorry to bother you. |
| 31351 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
What? |
| 31352 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
My headphones are broken. |
| 31353 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 31354 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
Can I listen to my music at a low volume? |
| 31355 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Yeah that's great. Great. |
| 31356 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
Okay? "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue-" |
| 31357 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
When's the last time you upgraded your printer? |
| 31358 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
"- and the man in the moon. When you coming home Dad? I don't know when-" |
| 31359 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Please stop that! |
| 31360 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
"-But we'll be together then-" |
| 31361 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Can you grow up? |
| 31362 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Dwight |
"-Dad, you know we'll have a good time then." |
| 31363 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Whether it's this time or next time. |
| 31364 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Andy |
"The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon" |
| 31365 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 31366 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Andy, Dwight |
"Little boy blue and the man in the moon." |
| 31367 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
No, we definitely can talk about it in the next-- |
| 31368 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Andy, Dwight |
"When you coming home Dad? |
| 31369 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
You know, can I call you back? |
| 31370 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Andy, Dwight |
"I don't know when-" |
| 31371 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Jim |
That would be great, thank you. |
| 31372 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4786 |
Andy, Dwight |
"But we'll get together then, we're gonna have a good time-" |
| 31373 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4787 |
Jim |
No, I know I need to work, I just- I feel weird not being home. |
| 31374 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4788 |
Jim |
I am not surprised that Dwight's using my baby to steal my desk. I'm a little surprised that it's working. |
| 31375 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Erin |
This fax came for you. |
| 31376 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Jo |
Oh no no no! Are you feeling ill? |
| 31377 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Erin |
Uh... |
| 31378 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Jo |
Oh no honey, if you got a bug, I want you to go on home. I can't have you getting Callie and Jo Jr. sick. These dogs have got to be in a commercial with Dwight Howard next week. |
| 31379 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Erin |
Oh! No. I feel like I could lift a car. |
| 31380 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Jo |
Yeah, but you sound like death, girl. Now why don't you go on home and take care of yourself and get in bed. And shred that and have them send me a clean fax, okay? |
| 31381 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4789 |
Erin |
Well... |
| 31382 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4790 |
Andy |
She should go home. It's not the end of the world. We'll go on our date next week. She's still gonna like me in a week. Right? |
| 31383 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Jo |
Yes? |
| 31384 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Andy |
I was just working at my desk and I wanted to run some new leads by you. |
| 31385 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Jo |
Oh! You're sick! Dangit! That's exactly why I sent that receptionist home. |
| 31386 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Andy |
No, no, no, no, no. |
| 31387 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Jo |
Get everybody sick in the office. |
| 31388 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Andy |
I have some good ideas... |
| 31389 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Jo |
We don't need any heroes here honey. It's time for you to get on home now. |
| 31390 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Andy |
You sure? |
| 31391 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4791 |
Jo |
You'll probably feel better once you get some pants on. Come on. |
| 31392 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Michael |
Very nice. |
| 31393 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Daryl |
Not bad, huh? |
| 31394 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Michael |
A real Hoop Dreams story you got there. Oh man, you seem to have caught Jo's eye. How'd you make that happen? |
| 31395 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Daryl |
I impressed her with my good ideas. |
| 31396 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Michael |
Hm mm. Seriously, how did you do it? |
| 31397 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Daryl |
I made a suggestion at the meeting that was good. You were there. |
| 31398 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Michael |
How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something, in terms of a past injustice? |
| 31399 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Daryl |
Now Mike, I have to ask you to leave, so that I can learn about this tiny television. |
| 31400 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4792 |
Michael |
Okay. All right. |
| 31401 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Jo |
Hey there. |
| 31402 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Michael |
Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier. |
| 31403 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Jo |
Well there's chatting time and there's working time. I'm still on working time. |
| 31404 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Michael |
Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so. |
| 31405 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Jo |
Well, if you feel like you've done a solid days work... |
| 31406 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Michael |
Right. What? |
| 31407 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Jo |
Well I mean, if you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then, by all means, you should toodle on home. |
| 31408 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Michael |
Mm. mm. Oh well. |
| 31409 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Jo |
Anything else I can help you with? |
| 31410 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4793 |
Michael |
No, no, no. That's super-clear-ish. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. |
| 31411 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4794 |
Kevin |
Just because Jo has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous. |
| 31412 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Michael |
Hey Pack-man. |
| 31413 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Todd Packer |
Hey what's up, Butt-plug? |
| 31414 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Michael |
How you doing stud? You already there? |
| 31415 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Todd Packer |
Dude, I've been here since three! I've boot and rallied twice. |
| 31416 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Michael |
How's the lady situation? |
| 31417 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Todd Packer |
Fat and ugly. You might actually have a chance. |
| 31418 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Michael |
Ah damn. That sounds great. Unfortunately I am stuck here, because my boss is making us work late. |
| 31419 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Todd Packer |
Oh here's what you do. Hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls and come meet me! |
| 31420 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Michael |
Yeah. Maybe next year. |
| 31421 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4795 |
Todd Packer |
Maybe next "queer." Hey ladies, who wants some bangers and mash? |
| 31422 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4796 |
Erin |
Oh! Andy! |
| 31423 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4796 |
Andy |
Hi! |
| 31424 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4796 |
Erin |
I'm in my jammy-jams! |
| 31425 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4796 |
Andy |
That's okay, I'm in my "worky-works." You look amazing! |
| 31426 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4796 |
Erin |
Oh, thanks. Come in! |
| 31427 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4797 |
Meredith |
Hey! Me and Creed are in. Are you guys in? |
| 31428 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4797 |
Kevin |
Oh I'm in. |
| 31429 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4797 |
Oscar |
I'm in. |
| 31430 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4797 |
Meredith |
All right. |
| 31431 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4797 |
Jo |
Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both! |
| 31432 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4798 |
Dwight |
Ah. Got a little client meeting at Shanny O'Gannigan's tonight. It shouldn't go all night long, so if you'd like me to, I could swing by your house so the baby can experience a strong male presence. No? Nothing? Okay. Have fun working. |
| 31433 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Dwight |
Hi there Jo. Sorry to interrupt. Um, this evening I have... |
| 31434 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jo |
Hello? |
| 31435 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jim |
Hey Jo, it's Jim Halpert. I actually scheduled a meeting at 7:30 with a very important client. And it's so weird, because we never have meetings after 5pm. But I was hoping that maybe just this once, it would be okay. |
| 31436 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jo |
Well sure. You know, you go ahead and push some printers. |
| 31437 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jim |
You know I will. And by the way, seriously, we never, never do this! |
| 31438 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jo |
Okay. |
| 31439 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 31440 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jo |
Sorry Sugar. What'd you want? |
| 31441 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Dwight |
Well, you see, I actually do have a meeting. With a client. I'm just gonna reschedule for next week. |
| 31442 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jo |
Thank you. |
| 31443 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4799 |
Jim |
Thanks again by the way. |
| 31444 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Daryl |
Hey! What are you fellas doing up here? |
| 31445 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Warehouse guy 1 |
We're here to bust you out! |
| 31446 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Daryl |
I wish, but uh- |
| 31447 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Warehouse guy 1 |
Dude! Your shirt tucked in? |
| 31448 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Daryl |
Oh. Yeah, um, I must have did that when I was in the bathroom. All right then, uh, let me get to it. |
| 31449 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Warehouse guy 1 |
All right. |
| 31450 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4800 |
Warehouse guy 2 |
See you later. |
| 31451 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
Your hand's cold. |
| 31452 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
It is? I'm sorry. |
| 31453 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
Yeah, have some more blanket. |
| 31454 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
Okay, thanks. |
| 31455 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Reid |
What's up? |
| 31456 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
Whoa! |
| 31457 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
You're awake. Andy, this is my brother, Reid. |
| 31458 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
I didn't know you had a brother. |
| 31459 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
He's my foster brother. |
| 31460 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
Well, any brother of Erin's is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you. Andy Bernard. |
| 31461 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Reid |
Cold hands. |
| 31462 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
Are we rotating seats, or? |
| 31463 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Reid |
Oh yeah, you're the guest. Take the easy chair, best seat in the house. Plus, you don't have to sit next to this big dork and her smelly feet. |
| 31464 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
Hey! My feet aren't smelly, they smell like roses. Smell them! |
| 31465 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Reid |
Ooh! |
| 31466 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
So, how does the whole foster sibling thing work? Do you guys share one parent or-? |
| 31467 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Erin |
None. We were in the same house from ages ten to twelve. And then from fifteen to eighteen. |
| 31468 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
All right. Formative years. |
| 31469 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Reid |
Nice skirt. |
| 31470 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4801 |
Andy |
Yeah, it's a kilt. |
| 31471 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4802 |
Night cleaning crew |
Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry. |
| 31472 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4803 |
Angela |
Yes, I'm anxious to get off work. But let me be clear. It's not to celebrate St Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day. |
| 31473 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4804 |
Jo |
Overnight all my damn bags home. I'm carrying nothing but my Sable gloves. I've had it with Homeland Security. And I want you to put all those tracking numbers in my Blackberry. |
| 31474 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4804 |
Michael |
How late do we have to work tonight? |
| 31475 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4804 |
Gabe |
You never know with Jo. Sometimes we're here til midnight. Sometimes she doesn't show up for three days. |
| 31476 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4804 |
Michael |
Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is? |
| 31477 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4804 |
Gabe |
Yeah, that would be awesome. I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year. But uh, I'm young, right? I will date when I'm dead! |
| 31478 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4805 |
Michael |
Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just - that's just depressing. |
| 31479 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Michael |
Hello Jo. |
| 31480 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Jo |
Anything I can do for you Puddin'? |
| 31481 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Michael |
There is, as a matter of fact. It's getting sorta late. It's 8:30. And it's St. Patrick's Day, which is a world ethnic holiday. So I have decided I'm going to dismiss my employees. |
| 31482 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Jo |
Hmm. |
| 31483 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Michael |
I'm thrilled with the work they've done today, both quality and the quantity. Great performance, Very, very solid all the way around. |
| 31484 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Jo |
All right then. |
| 31485 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Michael |
Okay. Happy St. Patrick's Day. And also, I would like to say that I will be canceling my trip down to Tallahassee. Although I do look forward to our professional relationship. |
| 31486 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Jo |
Michael? |
| 31487 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 31488 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4806 |
Jo |
I look forward to that too. |
| 31489 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4807 |
Andy |
Ooh. It's coming down out there. |
| 31490 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4807 |
Erin |
Yes. Thank you, for coming all the way here. |
| 31491 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4807 |
Andy |
No, I- |
| 31492 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4807 |
Erin |
I'm so sorry I was so sick. |
| 31493 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4807 |
Andy |
Ah. Oh great, now I'm gonna get sick. |
| 31494 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4808 |
Michael |
Excuse me, excuse me. Hey guys! |
| 31495 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4808 |
Michael |
Drinks are on me! |
| 31496 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4808 |
Oscar |
No! No, no no! Put your credit cards away. Drinks are on us! |
| 31497 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4808 |
Michael |
Oh -hoh! All right. |
| 31498 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4809 |
Michael |
Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Do I even like her? As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin says, "Don't worry, be happy." |
| 31499 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4809 |
Todd Packer |
Whoops! |
| 31500 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4809 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay, all right. Best night ever. What the hell is going on back there? |
| 31501 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Jim |
Yeah. We should be able to have that right over to you by Monday. Yeah no problem. Thank you. |
| 31502 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Dwight |
What the hell is this? |
| 31503 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Jim |
Oh! |
| 31504 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Dwight |
This is not Mega-Desk. |
| 31505 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Jim |
No, it's not. They call it Quad-Desk. |
| 31506 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Dwight |
That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks. |
| 31507 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Jim |
Oh my God. We're going to have to re-name it then aren't we? |
| 31508 |
6 |
19 |
St. Patrick's Day |
4810 |
Dwight |
Hello, Dwight Schrute? |
| 31509 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Hey Jim, Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is? |
| 31510 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
No. |
| 31511 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Look at him. Look at him - t-shirt, jeans... |
| 31512 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Is he you? |
| 31513 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp. |
| 31514 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Where did you take that? |
| 31515 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
In my condo complex. |
| 31516 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Oh my God, that's right. I read in People magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in Scranton. |
| 31517 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
I am flipping out, man. I mean, you remember my idea for the fourth Pirates movie. |
| 31518 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Sure. That they should do one. |
| 31519 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Hey, Jim, Jim - where, where do I find the Black Pearl? |
| 31520 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Who's that? |
| 31521 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim. |
| 31522 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
John Dillinger. |
| 31523 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
No. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. |
| 31524 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
Captain Crunch. |
| 31525 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens? |
| 31526 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
At the Yankees game. Yeah. |
| 31527 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
Yeah. Well, it wasn't him. |
| 31528 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
I had a little better reason to believe that... You're right. You're right. Well, you're not right, because Johnny Depp... |
| 31529 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
I know, I know. |
| 31530 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
...in your condo complex. |
| 31531 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Michael |
I know! It also explains why the name on his mailbox was M Shulman. |
| 31532 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4811 |
Jim |
M. Night Shulman? |
| 31533 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Michael |
First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost, so please, try not to lose anything until we find it. Ah, pet day. If you don't have a pet, please don't feel like - |
| 31534 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Stanley |
When are we getting to sales topics? |
| 31535 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Dwight |
Yeah, what about those leads? Did you hear anything from corporate? |
| 31536 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Michael |
Ah, yes, the leads. The leads that Sabre has spent $50,000 to get from a market research company... are not here yet. But will be.. No, no, meeting's not over. |
| 31537 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Phyllis |
But is there anything relevant to the sales staff here? |
| 31538 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Michael |
No sales topic per se. |
| 31539 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Andy |
Well then no Andy Bernard per se. |
| 31540 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Michael |
Dwight? |
| 31541 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Dwight |
Sorry, Michael, I got calls to make. |
| 31542 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Michael |
I would like your undivided attention, please. |
| 31543 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4812 |
Dwight |
You couldn't handle my undivided attention. |
| 31544 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4813 |
Michael |
Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order. |
| 31545 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Dwight |
Listen, Michael - about what happened earlier. |
| 31546 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 31547 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Dwight |
When I was asking about the leads. |
| 31548 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Michael |
M-hmm. |
| 31549 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Dwight |
... is there any news on the leads? |
| 31550 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Michael |
Is that all you have to say to me? |
| 31551 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4814 |
Dwight |
Yeah. You got any news on the leads? ... Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going out on a very important sales call. You get any news about the leads, you try me. All of my numbers. All six of my numbers, okay? Including the car phone! Alright, Dwight out! |
| 31552 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4815 |
Dwight |
Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well. What does that say to you about how I think of myself? |
| 31553 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4816 |
Angela |
Hm-hm. Do you not answer e-mails anymore? Because I've e-mailed you four times asking you to come to my desk. |
| 31554 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4816 |
Phyllis |
Honey, if I don't have time to answer an e-mail, I definitely don't have time to walk over to your desk. |
| 31555 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
Wow, wowie wowie. Congratulations. It's a big cheque. |
| 31556 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
Oh, sorry, wait one second. |
| 31557 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
Stop sexting Pam. I'm trying to congratulate you. |
| 31558 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
This is actually a big potential sale, so... |
| 31559 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
You writing your memoirs over there? |
| 31560 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
You writing your name over there? |
| 31561 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
Well, it's a pretty big check. |
| 31562 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
That's good. You know, with the kid. |
| 31563 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
Okay. Don't gloat. Here's the thing. This kind of money can corrupt people. |
| 31564 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
Alright, here we go. Michael... |
| 31565 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Michael |
I'm just saying, that - |
| 31566 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4817 |
Jim |
Michael - Great. |
| 31567 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4818 |
Andy |
Very nice. Let me just, let me just write that down real quick. Pencil? Can you give me that pencil? Hang on Teddy... I'm making a sale. Sales. |
| 31568 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4818 |
Darryl |
There's other pencil's in this office. |
| 31569 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4818 |
Andy |
Give me that |
| 31570 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
Honey and jelly sandwich time. |
| 31571 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
Michael. |
| 31572 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
Oh, you got to be kidding me. Look at that. That's - |
| 31573 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
I know who did that. |
| 31574 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
You saw who did this and you didn't stop them? |
| 31575 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
Didn't have to see. It was sales. I can feel it. They are out of control. |
| 31576 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
The sales department smashed my sandwich. |
| 31577 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy. Listen to me, Mike, you gotta do something about them. |
| 31578 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
You don't get it. |
| 31579 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
You need to get back on top. |
| 31580 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 31581 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 31582 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4819 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 31583 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Erin |
Something came for you, Michael. |
| 31584 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Michael |
Thank you very much. |
| 31585 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Jim |
What'd you get? |
| 31586 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Michael |
Ah, just the stupid leads. |
| 31587 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Jim |
Alright! |
| 31588 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Stanley |
About time. |
| 31589 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Andy |
Me likey! |
| 31590 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Phyllis |
Finally, Michael. Hand 'em over, numbnuts. But seriously. It's your job to give us those leads. |
| 31591 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Michael |
Alright. Then I guess I should give them out. Hold on. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I have something that you want. You guys are acting like you own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place. It's a rental. I'm kind of sick of the attitude around here. I'm sick of the cocky walk, I am sick of you throwing your paycheck in my face, I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim... I think I am not going to give these to you. |
| 31592 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4820 |
Stanley |
We need those leads, Michael. It's our job Michael. Michael! |
| 31593 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
Michael, we spent a lot of money on those leads. You have to give them out. |
| 31594 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
Then we are just rewarding their bad behaviour. Okay. Just - imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice-cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice-cream cone. |
| 31595 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
Michael, I don't want to incentivise murder. But - we've tried to make it clear that our policy emphasises sales staff - |
| 31596 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
They act like I have no power. |
| 31597 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
But you do. You are in charge - |
| 31598 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 31599 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
#NAME? |
| 31600 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
Hmm. Well, if that is what I am required to do, I will do exactly that. |
| 31601 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
Okay, good. |
| 31602 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
Exactly that. |
| 31603 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
Good. |
| 31604 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Michael |
Exactly that. |
| 31605 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4821 |
Gabe |
Why do you keep repeating - |
| 31606 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Michael |
Hello. May I have everyone's attention, please? Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads, so I'm going to give the leads to... King Creed! |
| 31607 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Phyllis |
What are you - |
| 31608 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Michael |
- and to King Meredith! |
| 31609 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Stanley |
They aren't salespeople! |
| 31610 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Michael |
And to King Angela! Because today we are all kings. And queens . |
| 31611 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Phyllis |
What the hell do you think you're doing? |
| 31612 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4822 |
Michael |
I'm giving them the leads, Phyllis. |
| 31613 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 31614 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 31615 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
So I'm going to go ahead and save you some time, and tell you that no-one's going to go along with this. But you knew that, right? |
| 31616 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. |
| 31617 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
Alright. So why don't you just give me my share of the leads, and I'll start making some calls? |
| 31618 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 31619 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
Hey, alright. |
| 31620 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 31621 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
Ahh, these aren't leads. What are they? |
| 31622 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Oh, right, those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead. The leads are scattered all over the industrial park. I am trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic? |
| 31623 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
I don't think you understand - |
| 31624 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
I do understand it. |
| 31625 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Jim |
This one's a map. |
| 31626 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4823 |
Michael |
Or is it? |
| 31627 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4824 |
Angela |
Oh, how the tables have turned. I see you got my e-mail. |
| 31628 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4824 |
Phyllis |
Are you gonna give me the leads or not? |
| 31629 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4824 |
Angela |
I'll give you the leads. But you know what? It's going to cost you some clerical work |
| 31630 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4824 |
Phyllis |
What are these for? |
| 31631 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4824 |
Angela |
It doesn't matter. Fill them out. All of them. Then when you're done, you can watch me shred them. |
| 31632 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Kelly |
I want to watch the Kardashians! I don't want to watch boring - |
| 31633 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Ryan |
It's my - |
| 31634 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Stanley |
The Kardashians is a good show. |
| 31635 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Ryan |
No it's - how would he even know the Kardashians? |
| 31636 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Kelly |
It's about a family. A real-life family. |
| 31637 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4825 |
Ryan |
No, Stanley, do you - |
| 31638 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4826 |
Pam |
Hey baby, what's up? |
| 31639 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4826 |
Jim |
I am currently reading incoherent riddles on blue index cards to find vital information that Michael has hidden all over the office. How are you? |
| 31640 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4826 |
Pam |
Nothing but vomit and diapers over here. |
| 31641 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4826 |
Jim |
Oh my god, I couldn't envy you more. |
| 31642 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4827 |
Jim |
Having a baby is as exhausting as they say it is. Having two babies - that's just unfair. |
| 31643 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4828 |
Jim |
How about this one - 'When arrogant salesmen are mean to my face, a certain manager will go to his moppy place.' |
| 31644 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4828 |
Pam |
He means his mopey place, it's under that streetlamp that he thinks was in Casablanca. |
| 31645 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4828 |
Jim |
I love you. |
| 31646 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4829 |
Michael |
Today I turned an office crisis into a teachable moment. A lesser manager would have screwed this day up royally : 'Now that's Italian!'] Some yokel sitting behind his desk saying take a lead, learn nothing Some people shouldn't be in this business. |
| 31647 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Andy |
Hey. I guess you probably won't give me your leads since I'm a jerk salesman. |
| 31648 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Erin |
Yeah. I basically wish you were dead. I hid the leads. |
| 31649 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Andy |
Where? |
| 31650 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Erin |
Colder. Colder. Warmer. Warmer. Colder. Colder. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Hot. Hotter. Pretty hot. Lower. |
| 31651 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Andy |
Are you... |
| 31652 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Erin |
Lower. |
| 31653 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Andy |
Are you sure? |
| 31654 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4830 |
Erin |
Lower |
| 31655 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Dwight |
What are you doing, idiot? |
| 31656 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Jim |
Michael's stupid scavenger hunt. |
| 31657 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Dwight |
Scavenger hunt? Here. I can solve it. Give it. 'The treasure you seek is in the parking lot under the first president.' |
| 31658 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Jim |
Lincoln. |
| 31659 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Dwight |
The prankster is getting pranked. Ha ha. |
| 31660 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Jim |
It involves you too. |
| 31661 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4831 |
Dwight |
The leads are in? |
| 31662 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Michael? Michael, you were supposed to tell me when the leads came in. |
| 31663 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Michael |
Well, bigshot, 'If you want to find your leads, go to the man who never breathes'. |
| 31664 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Kevin! Damnit Kevin, give me those leads. Where are they? C'mon - |
| 31665 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
You are never going to find them. |
| 31666 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Really. |
| 31667 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
I'm going to enjoy this. |
| 31668 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Gimme the leads. Where are my leads? |
| 31669 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
I'm still enjoying it. |
| 31670 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Where are they? |
| 31671 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
Turn the trash. Turn the trash. |
| 31672 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Turn the trash It's code. Alright, Meredith, take off your dress. |
| 31673 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Meredith |
Okey-dokey. |
| 31674 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
No, dear god, no, it's in the trash can. In the kitchen. |
| 31675 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Meredith |
It's coming off anyway. |
| 31676 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Dwight |
Clean sack. |
| 31677 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Kevin |
What - |
| 31678 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4832 |
Erin |
I emptied it in the dumpster. With Toby's baba ganoush. |
| 31679 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4833 |
Toby |
If we don't patronise the only Syrian restaurant in town, there'll be nothing left but pan pizzas and make-your-own salads. |
| 31680 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4834 |
Dwight |
It's empty! |
| 31681 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4834 |
Michael |
Wait. What day is today? |
| 31682 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4834 |
Kevin |
Um, tonight is Ghost Whisperer. So, Friday. |
| 31683 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4834 |
Michael |
Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god, no, no no, hey, hey wait, wait! |
| 31684 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Okay. You know what, let's just go to the dump, start looking - Ryan, c'mon, shotgun in my car - |
| 31685 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Phyllis |
Michael, why would we all go to the dump? |
| 31686 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Why? Because I am not going to call Sabre and say, 'Hi, you know those very valuable expensive leads that you gave us earlier today? Well, because of a screw-up by a staff member, they're now in the city dump." |
| 31687 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Stanley |
Not your staff, Michael. You. |
| 31688 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Well, that's not the way it's going t sound. Here's what we're going to do. We'll go to the dump, we'll look around, then we'll all go out and get pizza, maybe catch a movie, late-night drink, some more pizza, call it a night. What do you - |
| 31689 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Toby |
Does it have to be pizza? Could go for a, falafel? |
| 31690 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 31691 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Angela |
I'm not going. You did this, not us. |
| 31692 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Okay, no, you encouraged it. You were complicit Complicit. You were all successories! |
| 31693 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Darryl |
That sounds fun, mucking around in the dump. Wish I could go. |
| 31694 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
You can. |
| 31695 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Darryl |
I can't. You know that. |
| 31696 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Michael |
Okay fine, I get it. I'll just go by myself. |
| 31697 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4835 |
Dwight |
I'll go, Michael. You'll just screw it up. |
| 31698 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4836 |
Dwight |
This place has gone to hell. |
| 31699 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4836 |
Michael |
You know, Dwight, there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me. |
| 31700 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4836 |
Dwight |
Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak. |
| 31701 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4836 |
Michael |
Yeah. Sometimes the acorn just stays the acorn. If you don't believe me, look in my gutters. |
| 31702 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
You're adorable. You need to go for it. I'm going to be, like, mad at you if you don't - |
| 31703 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
Phew! Can't wait for this day to be over. |
| 31704 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
Why? |
| 31705 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
Just all the - drama. |
| 31706 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
What drama? |
| 31707 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
Between the - us and you guys. It's unnecessary, right? |
| 31708 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
So unnecessary. |
| 31709 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
Oh, good, phew, thank god you said that. |
| 31710 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
I mean, if the salesmen weren't acting like such a bunch of stuck-up losers, then this day wouldn't be so bad - did you ever think of that? |
| 31711 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
I have new baby pictures. |
| 31712 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Kelly |
Don't use your cute baby to make us like you. |
| 31713 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4837 |
Jim |
She's wearing a onesie |
| 31714 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Stanley |
If we act nice now, then we're rewarding them for treating us poorly. |
| 31715 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Jim |
Didn't we kind of start it? |
| 31716 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Phyllis |
I think you're remembering that wrong? |
| 31717 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 31718 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Phyllis |
I don't know about this. I mean, I think we should hold our ground. The company's changed, and if they don't like it, they can leave. I mean, a lot of their work can be done from India. |
| 31719 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Jim |
Can we at least all agree that this is uncomfortable, and may be heading for something bad? |
| 31720 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Andy |
All those who agree, say aye All those opposed - |
| 31721 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4838 |
Jim |
I don't think we need opposed. |
| 31722 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
You've changed, man. |
| 31723 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Oh, why, because I have a shot at a $100k commission? |
| 31724 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent. |
| 31725 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Hey. There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes. |
| 31726 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
No, I'm talking about your personality, Dwight. |
| 31727 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
When I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And I had an offer from Ivan Schartsky. The Ivan Schartsky. And if I'd assistant managed him - |
| 31728 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
Assistant to the managed him - |
| 31729 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's low! I would be number two right now at Home Depot! |
| 31730 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 31731 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Okay? Because they promote from within. Instead I had to follow you - you, going nowhere. |
| 31732 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
You think you would have done better without me? Really? |
| 31733 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs. |
| 31734 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
Wow. Ohhhkay. Man. When I think about all the time I wasted being your friend - I shouldn't have been hanging out watching karate movies with you - |
| 31735 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Kung-fu movies! |
| 31736 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
You know what, I should have been doing? I should have been out at bars, finding my soul-mate, finding my wife, making babies - |
| 31737 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Nice babies you're making with the floozies at the bars. |
| 31738 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
That's my wife you're talking about, man. |
| 31739 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Your made-up wife? Who doesn't exist? You watch it! |
| 31740 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
If I wanted to hit you, I would have hit you. |
| 31741 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Don't do it |
| 31742 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
No no. You just made an enemy with the wrong guy, Dwight. No, time out, time out. Time in! |
| 31743 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 31744 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Michael |
Don't even think about that |
| 31745 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4839 |
Dwight |
Stop it, get out! That's my spool. |
| 31746 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Phyllis |
What's the least we can do to make this okay? |
| 31747 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Jim |
I'll text Pam. She's really good at this stuff. |
| 31748 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Andy |
And I'll text Erin. She's really good at this stuff too. |
| 31749 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Phyllis |
I guess we could give them some of our new commissions. |
| 31750 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Stanley |
That is a dangerous precedent. |
| 31751 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Jim |
Pam texted back saying we could give them all iPods. |
| 31752 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Phyllis |
Oh, if they don't have an iPod by now they really don't want one. |
| 31753 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Jim |
Alright. Then we're back to cash. And I got to say, if giving a small percentage of our commissions is going to smooth all this over, I'm for it. |
| 31754 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Phyllis |
Okay, fine. Cash it is. |
| 31755 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4840 |
Andy |
Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches". |
| 31756 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4841 |
Michael |
Okay, Dwight. Here we go oh god. |
| 31757 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4841 |
Dwight |
Oh |
| 31758 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4841 |
Michael |
We're never going to find those leads, are we? |
| 31759 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4841 |
Dwight |
Wow. Amazing, isn't it. No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. But not like this. |
| 31760 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Phyllis |
So how about, guys, one percent commission a month instead of two, what do you - |
| 31761 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Jim |
No, we agreed, two percent for the quarter. Okay Hey everybody! |
| 31762 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Meredith |
Nice spread. We get it. You eat like royalty. |
| 31763 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Jim |
No, no - this is a representation of how we feel. And how we feel is: really sorry. |
| 31764 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Andy |
Yeah. We wanted to bring you in and make a peace offering. |
| 31765 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, we wanted to do the right thing. So... |
| 31766 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Oscar |
Way to go, guys. This was an integrity move. |
| 31767 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Kevin |
Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell. |
| 31768 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Angela |
Do you have any pastries without fruit? |
| 31769 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Jim |
Yes! We do. Eclairs. |
| 31770 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Stanley |
Well, you better be happy, taking two percent of our - |
| 31771 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Jim |
#NAME? |
| 31772 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Phyllis |
Our treats, Stanley, they've accepted our simple offer of treats. Nothing more. |
| 31773 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4842 |
Stanley |
This is - nice! All of us back together. |
| 31774 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Michael |
This Why would somebody throw that out? |
| 31775 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Dwight |
Hey You know who'd like this? Phyllis. Purple, much? |
| 31776 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Michael |
Yeah, she does - she loves purple. Does it stink? |
| 31777 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Dwight |
Yeah |
| 31778 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Michael |
Know what would be a great picture here? Just this whole dump, and in the middle, one flower. That's it. And the caption would read: |
| 31779 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Dwight |
Hope - grows. |
| 31780 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4843 |
Michael |
In the dump. |
| 31781 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Dwight |
Woo hoo! |
| 31782 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Stanley |
Good news that you found our leads? |
| 31783 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Michael |
No! Better! |
| 31784 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Dwight |
We have an awesome bean bag chair that's perfect for the break room. |
| 31785 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Phyllis |
Yuck. I'm not going to sit on that disgusting seat. |
| 31786 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4844 |
Dwight |
Yeah, damn right you're not. 'Cause it's for me and Michael only |
| 31787 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4845 |
Andy |
It's freezing out here. |
| 31788 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4845 |
Erin |
Go on. I have warm blood. |
| 31789 |
6 |
20 |
New Leads |
4845 |
Andy |
Oh wow, thank you. You're the nicest person I've ever met. |
| 31790 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Dwight |
ichael grunts and strains while doing push-ups] Breathe. Work your core. Come on. |
| 31791 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
w many is that? |
| 31792 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Dwight |
t counting the last one, 25. |
| 31793 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
unt the last one. |
| 31794 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Dwight |
, 25 and one girl push-up! |
| 31795 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
, new record! |
| 31796 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Dwight |
ay. |
| 31797 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
, what did you do today? |
| 31798 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Jim |
made a sale. |
| 31799 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
, yeah, sitting on your big fat butt. Alright, that is the number to beat. |
| 31800 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Meredith |
at do we get if we do 'em? |
| 31801 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
respect. Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups - |
| 31802 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Dwight |
d one girl push-up. |
| 31803 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
ts to go home. Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. Disqualified! |
| 31804 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Angela |
! |
| 31805 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
at do we got? Creed, disqualified. |
| 31806 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Creed |
rom desk chair] Oh, come on! |
| 31807 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Jim |
. I had a really hard work out this morning. |
| 31808 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
tanley straining and breathing heavily] Oh, wow, that is adorable! |
| 31809 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Phyllis |
n... |
| 31810 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
ah, I'm betting one more. |
| 31811 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Phyllis |
even, wow! |
| 31812 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
od. |
| 31813 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Everyone |
hanting] Stan-ley! Stan-ley! Stan-ley... |
| 31814 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4846 |
Michael |
right, alright. |
| 31815 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4847 |
Oscar |
sentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby. |
| 31816 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4848 |
Michael |
ll, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down. |
| 31817 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4849 |
Dwight |
. Yeah! Come on, you can do it! |
| 31818 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4849 |
Phyllis |
e more, one more! |
| 31819 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4849 |
Oscar |
u okay? You okay, Stanley? |
| 31820 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4849 |
Stanley |
cuse me. |
| 31821 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4849 |
Jim |
w. |
| 31822 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Oscar |
y. Matt, right? |
| 31823 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Matt |
y, Oscar. You're here early. |
| 31824 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Oscar |
always come in at 7. |
| 31825 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Warehouse Guy |
, you don't. |
| 31826 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Oscar |
ll... Hey, uh, are you doing anything later tonight? |
| 31827 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Matt |
don't know. I'm free. If you hear of anything going on, let me know. |
| 31828 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4850 |
Oscar |
ah. |
| 31829 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4851 |
Oscar |
ah, we talked this morning and we talked at Christmas. So, a little momentum there. Just a couple of hours to kill before work. |
| 31830 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
y, what's up? |
| 31831 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
y, nice office. |
| 31832 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
anks, it's cool. So... |
| 31833 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
u know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink. |
| 31834 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
s that ever happened? Ever? |
| 31835 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
dn't we? I think we did. |
| 31836 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
u want me to invite Matt? |
| 31837 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
ah, the whole gang, Matt included. |
| 31838 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
ok, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me. |
| 31839 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
happy hour. |
| 31840 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Darryl |
ppy hour. My pleasure. |
| 31841 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4852 |
Oscar |
l right. |
| 31842 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4853 |
Oscar |
what do you think? |
| 31843 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4853 |
Phyllis |
mm, I saw a new drink on TV I'd like to try. I'll ask Bob. |
| 31844 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4854 |
Phyllis |
ah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What? |
| 31845 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Andy |
bunch of us are talking about happy hour. |
| 31846 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Jim |
would love, love, love to go. Only problem is, Pam's at home with the baby and I think she wants a night in. |
| 31847 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Andy |
, baloney. |
| 31848 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Jim |
od one. |
| 31849 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Andy |
ng her up. |
| 31850 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4855 |
Jim |
solutely, I will do that right now. |
| 31851 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4856 |
Jim |
gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I - and I love her. I also love her, very much. |
| 31852 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4857 |
Jim |
some of the co-workers were thinking of going out tonight, but I told them- |
| 31853 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4857 |
Pam |
n phone] Yes! Yes! I would love to! |
| 31854 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4857 |
Andy |
! Knew it! |
| 31855 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4858 |
Pam |
hrough phone] It's been so long since I've been with adults. I am so excited to see everybody. Creed, Ryan. Oh my God, Stanley! Stanley's going to be there. Yes, oh my God! |
| 31856 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4858 |
Jim |
did not see this coming. |
| 31857 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4859 |
Andy |
in, I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation, pronto. Are you going later? |
| 31858 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4859 |
Erin |
re, if you are. |
| 31859 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4859 |
Andy |
s. |
| 31860 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4859 |
Erin |
lk to me that way again, and I'll cut your face off. |
| 31861 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4859 |
Andy |
oa. |
| 31862 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4860 |
Andy |
recently struck up a romantic relationship. And, um... but we're kinda keeping it quiet for now 'cause it's still kind of a new thing. It's a little delicate, and we just don't want all the drama. |
| 31863 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4860 |
Erin |
actly. |
| 31864 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4860 |
Andy |
ah, cause when everyone knows- That's actually pretty funny, but in general, you know. |
| 31865 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4860 |
Erin |
iet. |
| 31866 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
y, boss man. |
| 31867 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
s? |
| 31868 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
bunch of us are going to get some drinks, you in? |
| 31869 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
dies and gentleman, it is quitting time. |
| 31870 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
m sorry, I meant later. |
| 31871 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
, yes. Sure. |
| 31872 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
r happy hour? |
| 31873 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
, I got that. |
| 31874 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
ying to get a head count. |
| 31875 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
am in. |
| 31876 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Andy |
l right, yes! It's a deal. |
| 31877 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4861 |
Michael |
's a deal. |
| 31878 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
, hey, I invited my friend Julie. |
| 31879 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Jim |
ay. |
| 31880 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
want her to meet Michael. |
| 31881 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Jim |
y? |
| 31882 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
ey're both single, I have a sense they might- |
| 31883 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Jim |
u've been gone for a long time. |
| 31884 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
is not that. Kevin! Oh! |
| 31885 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Kevin |
ah! |
| 31886 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
y, how are you? |
| 31887 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Kevin |
, I missed you so much. |
| 31888 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
! |
| 31889 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Kevin |
ah! |
| 31890 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Pam |
ah! |
| 31891 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4862 |
Kevin |
aah! |
| 31892 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4863 |
Kevin |
en a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-what's fill up with you-know-what, and then her shirt gets, you know... that would be funny. |
| 31893 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Michael |
, wow, I cannot believe this is happening. This is everything I dreamed. Oh, my God! |
| 31894 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Jim |
sy. |
| 31895 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Michael |
's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party... |
| 31896 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Jim |
, hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends, and we need a fourth. |
| 31897 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Michael |
cks to be you. |
| 31898 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Jim |
uld you like to be our fourth? |
| 31899 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Michael |
at would be sublime. |
| 31900 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4864 |
Jim |
l right. |
| 31901 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4865 |
Darryl |
, the guy shows me the deck he's built. And I'm like, 'I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy, but this is just a porch without a roof.' It was ridiculous man, it was like-you could maybe get two chairs on the thing. Two lawn chairs. |
| 31902 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Pam |
y, Michael. |
| 31903 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Michael |
s. |
| 31904 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Pam |
is is my friend Julie. |
| 31905 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Michael |
llo, how are you? |
| 31906 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Julie |
od. Hi. |
| 31907 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4866 |
Michael |
at is a nice girl like you hanging out with these bums for? |
| 31908 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4867 |
Pam |
lie laughs at everything. |
| 31909 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Julie |
you work with Pam and Jim? |
| 31910 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Michael |
, no, no. Pam and Jim work for me. And if they win, they are fired. |
| 31911 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Julie |
iggles] I should hope not. |
| 31912 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Michael |
. No, not really. Not really, but they better not win. |
| 31913 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Isabel |
y. |
| 31914 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Pam |
y, Isabel, you made it. Oh, my goodness. |
| 31915 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Isabel |
course. |
| 31916 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Pam |
u want to play pool? |
| 31917 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Isabel |
, I'm gonna do a lap. See if I know anyone. |
| 31918 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4868 |
Pam |
. |
| 31919 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Angela |
d then they said the most ridiculous thing about Anderson Cooper, which I do not have the decency to repeat, but trust me when I tell you that- |
| 31920 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Dwight |
ld that thought. Well, well, well. If it isn't Isabel. |
| 31921 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Isabel |
#NAME? |
| 31922 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Dwight |
at's a girl like you doing in a place like this? |
| 31923 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Isabel |
girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this. |
| 31924 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Dwight |
h, I love repartee. |
| 31925 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Isabel |
you? |
| 31926 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4869 |
Dwight |
ually means there's a battle scene coming. |
| 31927 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Michael |
, what do you do? |
| 31928 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Julie |
am an ESL teacher. |
| 31929 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Michael |
ally? |
| 31930 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Julie |
ah. |
| 31931 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Michael |
e, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now? |
| 31932 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Julie |
e you thinking that I said 'ESP?' |
| 31933 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4870 |
Michael |
s. I feel like an idiot. Awesome. |
| 31934 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4871 |
Julie |
was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done. |
| 31935 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
what do you think? |
| 31936 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Michael |
out what? |
| 31937 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
out Julie? |
| 31938 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Michael |
e's nice. |
| 31939 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
ah. |
| 31940 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Michael |
ah. |
| 31941 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
you like her? |
| 31942 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Michael |
, yeah, sure. |
| 31943 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
Pam was right? |
| 31944 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Michael |
out what? |
| 31945 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4872 |
Jim |
out you two hitting it off. |
| 31946 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4873 |
Michael |
emoving tie] Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything. |
| 31947 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4874 |
Hide |
brother, good head, bad heart. Good head, bad heart. |
| 31948 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4874 |
Oscar |
know. |
| 31949 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4875 |
Pam |
y, Michael, where have you been? |
| 31950 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4875 |
Jim |
y, you're supposed to hit the white ball first, buddy. Nice one. Can I talk to you for a sec? All right. Everything ok? |
| 31951 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4875 |
Pam |
y are you wearing a hat now? |
| 31952 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4875 |
Michael |
ys, come on, I'm on a date. Let me do my thang. |
| 31953 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4876 |
Michael |
, I'm date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning? |
| 31954 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4877 |
Jim |
u want to just make a run for it? |
| 31955 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4877 |
Pam |
ybe. |
| 31956 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4877 |
Kevin |
aaah! Waaaaah! Mommy! |
| 31957 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4877 |
Jim |
at is happening? |
| 31958 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
oa! What is crackin? |
| 31959 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Ryan |
ys, one second. |
| 31960 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Kelly |
're focusing, we're focusing, we can't talk. |
| 31961 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Erin |
at's this game? |
| 31962 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Ryan |
e second. |
| 31963 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
ah, how do you play? |
| 31964 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Ryan |
ys, guys, guys, please. Ok, all right, it's all yours now. |
| 31965 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Kelly |
ly three tickets. |
| 31966 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Ryan |
we save 'em up, we can get more than a sticker this time. |
| 31967 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Kelly |
op telling me how to spend my tickets. |
| 31968 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Ryan |
know, but you wanted the big thing. |
| 31969 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
w, can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together? |
| 31970 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Erin |
I know. |
| 31971 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
ey'd be like, 'what's up with those two?' |
| 31972 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Erin |
ey, guys, get a bedroom already.' |
| 31973 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
id we miss the wedding?' Um, I got it-I'll do this, and you play the racing game, and then we'll switch. |
| 31974 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Erin |
s, okay. Yeah, that's smart. |
| 31975 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4878 |
Andy |
drama. Ok. |
| 31976 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Isabel |
, air hockey, basketball, we could play that. Oh, whack-a-mole. |
| 31977 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Dwight |
y brothers or sisters? |
| 31978 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Isabel |
ree brothers. |
| 31979 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Dwight |
ally? |
| 31980 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Isabel |
o are in the Marines, one's a cop. |
| 31981 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Dwight |
getarian? |
| 31982 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Isabel |
. I love meat. |
| 31983 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Dwight |
at's your blood type? |
| 31984 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Isabel |
negative. Universal donor. |
| 31985 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4879 |
Dwight |
iversal donor. |
| 31986 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4880 |
Dwight |
gela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela. |
| 31987 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4881 |
Michael |
y, guys, guys, guys. Watch this. Ready? |
| 31988 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4881 |
Julie |
at are you doing? |
| 31989 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4881 |
Michael |
m tying a knot in the stem with my tongue. |
| 31990 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4881 |
Jim |
chael, you don't have to do this. |
| 31991 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4881 |
Michael |
hoking] Wow. Oh, wow, that was close. |
| 31992 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4882 |
Michael |
would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers. |
| 31993 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4883 |
Phyllis |
y, you two having fun? |
| 31994 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4883 |
Andy |
d you tell them? |
| 31995 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4883 |
Erin |
. |
| 31996 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4883 |
Andy |
is is exactly what I don't want, the drama. I don't want the drama! |
| 31997 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4883 |
Erin |
get it. |
| 31998 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Isabel |
sabel and Dwight playing whack-a-mole] You are amazing at this. How did you get so good? |
| 31999 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
acking moles. Hit 'em on the head. Whack. Say it with me. |
| 32000 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Isabel |
ack! |
| 32001 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
tend the fingers more. |
| 32002 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Isabel |
ack! |
| 32003 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
od. |
| 32004 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
is looks like a hoot. |
| 32005 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
y, monkey, how you doing? |
| 32006 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
ack. |
| 32007 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
sten, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 32008 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
ay. |
| 32009 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
ok, I've been thinking. We had a good run. We really did. But you don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore. |
| 32010 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
's no worry. |
| 32011 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
's just that we both-we want different things. You know, I want a big family. |
| 32012 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
could see enjoying that. |
| 32013 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
, no, no, no. I want a big family. Tall. Thick. A big, physically big family. Listen, you go have fun. You're off the hook. |
| 32014 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
t we signed the contract. |
| 32015 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Dwight |
ssolved. Don't worry, you're free. Okay? Okay. See you later. |
| 32016 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4884 |
Angela |
both-you didn't dup- |
| 32017 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Jim |
ichael playing air guitar on pool table] Wow. Maybe we should tell her that he's not normally like this. |
| 32018 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Pam |
ybe it should come from a man. |
| 32019 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Jim |
ybe it should come from a note... with flowers...tomorrow. |
| 32020 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
llo. |
| 32021 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
llo. |
| 32022 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
. |
| 32023 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
. |
| 32024 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
u wanna pay 400 bucks to re-felt this table? |
| 32025 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
ah, why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania? |
| 32026 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Pam |
y, Michael, why don't you just get down. |
| 32027 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
y, she can tell I'm on a date, right? Right? I'm just having fun. |
| 32028 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
d, are we having fun? |
| 32029 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
ally? You told on me. That's lame. |
| 32030 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bouncer |
got a problem? |
| 32031 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
s. Homelessness. What? |
| 32032 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
l right, go. |
| 32033 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
ere? |
| 32034 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Bar Manager |
t out. Now. |
| 32035 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
ay, all right. Okay, whoa. I'm just kidding around. I'm sorry. |
| 32036 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Pam |
, um, why don't we just finish the game? Michael, it's your shot. |
| 32037 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
e can't talk to us that way. |
| 32038 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Pam |
u guys are stripes, I think... |
| 32039 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
u let somebody talk to you like that, where does it stop? |
| 32040 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Jim |
stopped. |
| 32041 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Michael |
ll, I am starting it again! |
| 32042 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4885 |
Pam |
you guys want some food? The wings are really good here. |
| 32043 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
y, you embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize. |
| 32044 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
en I am sorry that I didn't kick you out. |
| 32045 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
am here with my employees. I am here on a date. Hello. |
| 32046 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
ll, uh, I'm the manager here, sir. |
| 32047 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
ll, it just so happens that I am a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle. And I don't see that from you. |
| 32048 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
that how you do it? |
| 32049 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
s it is. I am writing a book about it. |
| 32050 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
ally? How much have you written? |
| 32051 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
ve written all of it... in my head. |
| 32052 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
. |
| 32053 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
you're really interested, it's called 'Somehow I Manage' and there's going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up. |
| 32054 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
h. Have you read Lee Iacocca's? It's a classic. |
| 32055 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
ad it? I own it. But no, I have not read it. |
| 32056 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
de, tonight! You're not going to want to put it down. It's gonna make you want to go out and buy a Chrysler tomorrow. |
| 32057 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
own a Chrysler. |
| 32058 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
ut up. |
| 32059 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
, you shut up. |
| 32060 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
at's your drink? |
| 32061 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Michael |
enadine. |
| 32062 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4886 |
Bar Manager |
at? |
| 32063 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
just have to throw everyone off the scent a little, so follow my lead. |
| 32064 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Erin |
ay. |
| 32065 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
ndy sits at table with another woman] Hi. |
| 32066 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Girl at table |
. |
| 32067 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
don't normally do this, but... |
| 32068 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Girl at table |
what? |
| 32069 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
st sit down next to a beautiful woman and start talking to myself to confuse other people. |
| 32070 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Erin |
rin sits with man, rubs her hand on his thigh] Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that? |
| 32071 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
ndy spits out his drink] What are you doing? |
| 32072 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Erin |
at we said to do. |
| 32073 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers! |
| 32074 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Erin |
was flirting with a man. |
| 32075 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
t in here. Where did you learn to talk like that? |
| 32076 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Erin |
e movies. I don't know. |
| 32077 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4887 |
Andy |
ll, what movie? Black Snake Moan? |
| 32078 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
manage a paper company-Dunder Mifflin/Sabre. |
| 32079 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Bar Manager |
u have a card? |
| 32080 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
did. I actually put it in your bowl. |
| 32081 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Bar Manager |
anley Hudson? |
| 32082 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
, no. |
| 32083 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Bar Manager |
oa, a lot of Stanley Hudson's in here. |
| 32084 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
, it's Michael Scott. |
| 32085 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Bar Manager |
chael Scott? |
| 32086 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
is I. |
| 32087 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Bar Manager |
u just won yourself a lunch. |
| 32088 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4888 |
Michael |
, hey guys. |
| 32089 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Julie |
think I'm gonna go. |
| 32090 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Pam |
ally? |
| 32091 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Julie |
ah. |
| 32092 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Pam |
m sorry, he's not usually like that. |
| 32093 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Julie |
at's he usually like? |
| 32094 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Pam |
's more, just... like... you can go. |
| 32095 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Julie |
ah. |
| 32096 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Jim |
l right. |
| 32097 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Pam |
ay. Bye. |
| 32098 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Jim |
e ya. Nice girl. |
| 32099 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4889 |
Pam |
ah. |
| 32100 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4890 |
Michael |
y, Julie! You having fun? |
| 32101 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4890 |
Bar Manager |
... when are you coming in for that free lunch? You're gonna want to come in on a day that I'm working. Uh, maybe I can hear more about that book, too. |
| 32102 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Darryl |
y, man, you put together a pretty fun night for everybody. I saw you talking to Hide. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's amazing, right? |
| 32103 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Oscar |
couldn't understand a word he said. |
| 32104 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Darryl |
t me tell you something, Oscar. All right, Matt's an okay dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common. |
| 32105 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Oscar |
ybe you're right. I should count myself lucky. |
| 32106 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Matt |
y, what's up? |
| 32107 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Oscar |
ere he is! Hey, hey, hey. |
| 32108 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Matt |
yone up for some hoops? |
| 32109 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Oscar |
re. Hoops! |
| 32110 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Matt |
t's do it. |
| 32111 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4891 |
Oscar |
op it up, right. |
| 32112 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4892 |
Andy |
is is not what I want my relationship to look like. |
| 32113 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4893 |
Andy |
ver PA] Hi, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrew Bernard, and I've been on two dates with Erin Hannon and they went well, and there will probably be more. Thank you. |
| 32114 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4894 |
Andy |
u know, it got to the point where keeping it a secret was just too much drama. And I hate drama, so there you go. |
| 32115 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4894 |
Erin |
aughs] You love drama. |
| 32116 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4894 |
Andy |
know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen. |
| 32117 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
th this move, he can't get you. |
| 32118 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Isabel |
ll, I think that he could counter that move. The Scranton strangler is a professional strangler. |
| 32119 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
, please. I wish he'd come after me. I would be like-aaah! |
| 32120 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
ight Schrute! Dwight Kurt Schrute. |
| 32121 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
#NAME? |
| 32122 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
u are hereby served with a summons to appear in Lackawanna county court. |
| 32123 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
, no, no. Blah blah blah blah! |
| 32124 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
r breach of contract with Angela Noelle Martin. |
| 32125 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Isabel |
at are you talking about? |
| 32126 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
at are you- |
| 32127 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
ight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. |
| 32128 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
gela... |
| 32129 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
d he not tell you that? |
| 32130 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
u're really putting me in an awkward position here. |
| 32131 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract? |
| 32132 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
gela, not here! |
| 32133 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
ight? |
| 32134 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Isabel |
ack! |
| 32135 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Angela |
u'll see me in small claims court! |
| 32136 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Dwight |
u are an impressive specimen. |
| 32137 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4895 |
Isabel |
ank you. |
| 32138 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Kelly |
rying] Then, I spilled my drink, and they wouldn't give me a refill. |
| 32139 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Pam |
#NAME? |
| 32140 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Jim |
u all right? |
| 32141 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Pam |
ay, we have to get home. |
| 32142 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Kevin |
ah! |
| 32143 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Michael |
lperts, wait up. Oh, what a great night. Got to hang out with my peeps. Sort of did okay with a new young lady. |
| 32144 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Jim |
tually, you didn't. |
| 32145 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Pam |
t at all. |
| 32146 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4896 |
Michael |
think I did. But I can't take all of the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike. Nice to meet me. |
| 32147 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4897 |
Darryl |
ll 'em your story, Hide. |
| 32148 |
6 |
21 |
Happy Hour |
4897 |
Hide |
Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best! |
| 32149 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Cookie Monster |
Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. |
| 32150 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Andy |
This is awesome! |
| 32151 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Oscar |
Thank you. It didn't even take that long. |
| 32152 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Cookie Monster |
What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa, and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent. |
| 32153 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Kevin |
This isn't funny. I don't talk like that. |
| 32154 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Phyllis |
Say "Me eat cookie." |
| 32155 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Kevin |
No. I won't say it. |
| 32156 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Dwight |
Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up, you clique. |
| 32157 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Ryan |
It's Kevin as Cookie monster from Sesame Street. |
| 32158 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Dwight |
Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio? |
| 32159 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Phyllis |
Mm-hmm. |
| 32160 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Dwight |
I love that show. |
| 32161 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Cookie Monster |
This is Kevin. This is Kevin. |
| 32162 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Ryan |
Good work, buddy. |
| 32163 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Oscar |
Thank you. |
| 32164 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Dwight |
That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me, please. |
| 32165 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 32166 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Kelly |
Me, too Oscar. |
| 32167 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Ryan |
C.C. me |
| 32168 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Kevin |
Angela, this is inappropriate. |
| 32169 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4898 |
Angela |
This is my favorite day. |
| 32170 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4899 |
Andy |
It's Secretary's Day. And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary. So perfect storm for a romantic gesture. . Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day. I sent an e-mail blast, a text blast, a good, old-fashioned talk blast. I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. And a Stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning, so people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin. |
| 32171 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4900 |
Meredith |
Here you go. |
| 32172 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4900 |
Erin |
Oh, thank you. |
| 32173 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4900 |
Andy |
I do. |
| 32174 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4900 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 32175 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4901 |
Andy |
If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom. |
| 32176 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4902 |
Erin |
Welcome back! |
| 32177 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4902 |
Pam |
Hey, thanks. |
| 32178 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4903 |
Pam |
It's my first day back after maternity leave. And I miss Cece, of course. But we need the money. What was maternity leave like? Oh, how do I explain it?... It rocked. It rocked my ass off. |
| 32179 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4904 |
Pam |
Oh. You couldn't have watered it? |
| 32180 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4904 |
Jim |
I literally did not know that existed until this moment. |
| 32181 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4904 |
Dwight |
Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die. |
| 32182 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4904 |
Pam |
It's nice to see you again, Dwight. |
| 32183 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4904 |
Dwight |
Hello, Pam. |
| 32184 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Andy |
I was just wondering what you had planned for Secretary's Day. |
| 32185 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Michael |
I'm going to give Erin $15. |
| 32186 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Erin |
I know that Erin would be so psyched if you took her out to lunch. |
| 32187 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Michael |
A one-on-one lunch with Erin? |
| 32188 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Andy |
Yeah. She really looks up to you. And there's only so much we can do as her coworkers. Secretary's Day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. . |
| 32189 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Michael |
She's kind of a rube. |
| 32190 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Andy |
That's my girlfriend you're talking about. |
| 32191 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Michael |
Okay. All right. All right. Okay. I'll take her to lunch. |
| 32192 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4905 |
Andy |
She's gonna be so psyched. |
| 32193 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
Hi, Erin. Happy Secretary's Day. |
| 32194 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
Well, happy Boss's day. There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss. |
| 32195 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were because I was hoping to ask you to... lunch. |
| 32196 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
I got a picture of you asking me to lunch. I was thinking we could go to Hayworth's. |
| 32197 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
Ugh. |
| 32198 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
Just the two of us. |
| 32199 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
Well, Hayworth's is more business casual, and they always screw up your order. So I'm... |
| 32200 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
Yeah, okay. Yeah that was a stupid suggestion. I was thinking someplace special, so I though Hayworth's, but... |
| 32201 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
Okay, well, we'll figure something. |
| 32202 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 32203 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
Okay, let's go to Hayworth's. |
| 32204 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 32205 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4906 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 32206 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Meredith |
Have a cookie, Kev. |
| 32207 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Kevin |
Yeah, haha. Tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that. |
| 32208 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Darryl |
I brought those in. It's my birthday. That's some stone-cold narcissism right there. |
| 32209 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Kevin |
Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. Happy Birthday. |
| 32210 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 32211 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4907 |
Darryl |
Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum. |
| 32212 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4908 |
Kevin |
They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me. |
| 32213 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Kevin |
Oscar, did you eat some of my M&M's? The level... |
| 32214 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Gabe |
This is violent and offensive. |
| 32215 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Kevin |
Thank you. It really makes me self-conscious about my voice. |
| 32216 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Gabe |
It's awful. |
| 32217 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Kevin |
I'm not crying. |
| 32218 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Gabe |
You have some food on your face. |
| 32219 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4909 |
Kevin |
Do my hands feel sweaty to you? |
| 32220 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4910 |
Gabe |
The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. Either they don't respect me or they respect me too much. And some of them still think that I'm the I.T. guy. This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people that I'm an authority figure. |
| 32221 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4911 |
Gabe |
Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. It's come to my attention that people have been watching and laughing at a hurtful parody video. It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or e-mail this around. |
| 32222 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4911 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 32223 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4911 |
Gabe |
And that's straight from corporate. So not to be scary, but yeah, I would listen to me. And that's all. Ciao. |
| 32224 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Michael |
Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? I'm kind of a bookworm. This is the novelization of the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire. |
| 32225 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Erin |
I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. So what decade would you have chosen to be a teenager? |
| 32226 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Michael |
I don't know. |
| 32227 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Erin |
I would have chosen the 1490's. |
| 32228 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Michael |
Ahhh. |
| 32229 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Erin |
'Cause America was discovered. |
| 32230 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4912 |
Michael |
Right. |
| 32231 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4913 |
Erin |
And then my last job was at a Taco Bell express. But then it became a full Taco Bell, and I don't know, I couldn't keep up. My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. In my Foster home I never had a desk. . So it's like... I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. I just didn't have a desk there. Did you have a favorite age? Or month? |
| 32232 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4913 |
Michael |
An age or month? |
| 32233 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4913 |
Erin |
Yeah, like a favorite month. Like I like April when I was seven. |
| 32234 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4914 |
Michael |
I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going. Erin is just weird. |
| 32235 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
How many pillows do you sleep on at night? |
| 32236 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
So how are things going with Andy? |
| 32237 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
He's the best boyfriend in the world. Tell me about him before I met him. |
| 32238 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Well, let's see. Um... Andy. Plays the banjo. |
| 32239 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
Yeah I love that. |
| 32240 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser. |
| 32241 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
What? |
| 32242 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
I don't think he is the best dresser. Reminds me of Easter. |
| 32243 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
Sorry. About Angela? Did you say he dated Angela? |
| 32244 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. You didn't know that? Oh. |
| 32245 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Hayworth's waiter |
Here we go. Hot plate. |
| 32246 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 32247 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Hayworth's waiter |
And your salad, miss. |
| 32248 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
Why wouldn't he tell me that? |
| 32249 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
I don't know. Probably didn't want you to have a mental image of him having s*x with somebody else. |
| 32250 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
They had s*x? |
| 32251 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
They were engaged, so... Okay, you know what, sir? |
| 32252 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Hayworth's waiter |
Yes? |
| 32253 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Yeah, I asked for pickles with my burger. And there are only, like five or six. Could I get some more pickles? |
| 32254 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Hayworth's waiter |
Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles. |
| 32255 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 32256 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
Uhhhh, they were engaged? |
| 32257 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. Yeah. |
| 32258 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
Uh-oh... |
| 32259 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 32260 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
What are you doing? What are you doing? |
| 32261 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Erin |
In the Foster home, my hair was my room. |
| 32262 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. You know what? You know what? You know what? Everybody's looking at you right now. |
| 32263 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4915 |
Michael |
I'll have what she's having! |
| 32264 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4916 |
Michael |
Did you have a... did you like your lunch? Did you have a good lunch? Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? It was good. I liked my lunch. |
| 32265 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
Ooh. Ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha. |
| 32266 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Jim |
What's up? |
| 32267 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Dwight |
Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable. |
| 32268 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Jim |
Dwight, don't be gross. |
| 32269 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
No, no, he's right. |
| 32270 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Dwight |
Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy. |
| 32271 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
That's weird, my breast pump is missing. Have you seen my breast pump? |
| 32272 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Dwight |
All right, this is gonna traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you, believe me. |
| 32273 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay? |
| 32274 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Dwight |
Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes and I would drain you. |
| 32275 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
Mm. Meredith! |
| 32276 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
I just like the way it feels. |
| 32277 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
What are you doing?! |
| 32278 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
Just relax. Okay. |
| 32279 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
Relax?! |
| 32280 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
This is like the Cadillac of pumps. |
| 32281 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
Give it back to me now. |
| 32282 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
Okay, I was just warming it up. |
| 32283 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
It's disgusting! |
| 32284 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
It's not a big deal. |
| 32285 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Pam |
It's not sterile! |
| 32286 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4917 |
Meredith |
We're both girls. Who cares? |
| 32287 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Andy |
So... how was lunch? |
| 32288 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Erin |
Lunch was fine. |
| 32289 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Andy |
Was it everything that you hoped and dreamed it might be? |
| 32290 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Erin |
I don't know. It was lunch, Andy. |
| 32291 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Andy |
Well, I know. Just want... I mean... |
| 32292 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Oscar |
Erin? I think we're out of fax cover sheets. |
| 32293 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4918 |
Erin |
God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy. |
| 32294 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Kelly |
"My name is Kevin, I'm an accountant." See I did the voice. |
| 32295 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Ryan |
That's a little derivative. |
| 32296 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Kelly |
But parody is always derivative. |
| 32297 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Ryan |
Uh, it's not organic. Do you know what I mean? |
| 32298 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Pam |
Jim does a really good one. Do yours. |
| 32299 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Jim |
Oh, guys. I really refuse to participate. "Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck because a Mrs. Fields Cookie just opened up at the mall." |
| 32300 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Gabe |
Guys, why don't we leave the parodies to the pros at Mad TV? |
| 32301 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Jim |
"Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies." |
| 32302 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Gabe |
Ok. |
| 32303 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
Hey. Can I have your attention please? First of all, thanks to everyone for helping put this awesome party together. And a very special shout-out to the chair of the Party Planning Committee, miss Angela Martin. You have outdone yourself. |
| 32304 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Michael |
You know what, I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so.. |
| 32305 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
I am saying the exact opposite. Angela is fantastic. |
| 32306 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Michael |
No. No. No. |
| 32307 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
Specific shout-out.. |
| 32308 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Michael |
Stop talking. |
| 32309 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
Ok. As some of you may know, I have a very special connection with Secretary's Day in the form of that 115 pound moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon. To a lot of you she may just be the person who brings you your fax comformations. But to me, she is my girlfriend... in addition to being the person who brings me my fax comformations. So I wrote a little ditty. That I would like to play for all of you right now. It's a little tune called Secretary of Love. A one, a two, a one, two, three.. |
| 32310 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Erin |
I know about Angela! I know that you were engaged to her and that you were sleeping with her! Michael told me. |
| 32311 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Michael |
Oh God. |
| 32312 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
Can we talk about this in private? |
| 32313 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Erin |
I don't want to be in private. Is it true or is it not? |
| 32314 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 32315 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Erin |
Who else did you sleep with? Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together? |
| 32316 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Pam |
No, no never. |
| 32317 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Erin |
Did everyone know? Was I the only one who didn't know? |
| 32318 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Dwight |
Yeah pretty much. |
| 32319 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4919 |
Erin |
Who are you?! I don't know you! |
| 32320 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4920 |
Gabe |
I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue. |
| 32321 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Kevin |
Erin, you know, if I had been engaged to anyone before you, I would've told you. |
| 32322 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Erin |
Thanks. |
| 32323 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Kevin |
So if you need anything, I'm right over there. |
| 32324 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Pam |
"Hey, Erin, You look delicious. I mean, beautiful." |
| 32325 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Gabe |
Ok. Ok there. I heard that. So I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days. |
| 32326 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Pam |
What? What do you mean, suspend me? |
| 32327 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Jim |
I think you need to go a little easy. You can't just suspend someone form work. |
| 32328 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Gabe |
Yeah, you're right. You know what? Um, you're suspended too Jim. Ok fine. You too Dwight. |
| 32329 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Dwight |
Wait, What? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making. |
| 32330 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Gabe |
I don't want to hear it. Suspended. |
| 32331 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4921 |
Kevin |
"C" is for suspension. |
| 32332 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4922 |
Andy |
Why would that be something to talk about on Secretary's Day? |
| 32333 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4922 |
Michael |
Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. All right? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? That's like.. that's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith crap. |
| 32334 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4922 |
Andy |
I was going to tell her, just on my own time. |
| 32335 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4922 |
Michael |
You know what, I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret. |
| 32336 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4923 |
Andy |
Who cares? I mean it's not like I killed someone. Big deal right? This can blow over in two seconds. She never asked me. So, if you think about it... I probably should have told her I guess. Everybody does stupid things. |
| 32337 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Angela |
Psst. Hey. Erin. |
| 32338 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Erin |
You want to talk to me, come to my desk. |
| 32339 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Angela |
You embarrassed me earlier. |
| 32340 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Erin |
Oh. Take it up with the chief of police. |
| 32341 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Angela |
You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it. |
| 32342 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Erin |
I want to throw up just thinking about it. |
| 32343 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Angela |
You are throwing up for the wrong reasons! |
| 32344 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4924 |
Toby |
I don't think this fax is going through. Is there a different... I can just put it through again, you know. |
| 32345 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Pam |
Hey. You know I was engaged before Jim. |
| 32346 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 32347 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Pam |
Yeah. And he worked here too. |
| 32348 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Erin |
It was Andy, wasn't it? |
| 32349 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Pam |
No, no it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. It doesn't matter. It's not about who you've been with. It's about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants. |
| 32350 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Erin |
I hope you find what you're looking for. |
| 32351 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4925 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 32352 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4926 |
Gabe |
So I can reprimand them but I can't suspend them. Oh I can't do either. Uh huh. Fair enough. |
| 32353 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Pam |
Hey Toby. |
| 32354 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Toby |
I called Tallahassee. He can ask you not to come in, but he can't dock your pay. That's not legal. |
| 32355 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Pam |
Very interesting. |
| 32356 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Toby |
Yeah, I also learned some interesting things about how they structure... |
| 32357 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Pam |
Thanks Toby. |
| 32358 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Gabe |
Hey everyone. Hi. Quite an afternoon, huh? Cathartic in a way. I'm glad I got to share it with you. It makes you think about what's really important. It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. It's about forgiveness. And yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. I think that, if you were to apologize to me, then I would revoke your suspension. |
| 32359 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Pam |
I don't think an apology is enough. I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension. |
| 32360 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Jim |
And I got to take this bad attitude, and I got to go home, and I got to adjust it. And I hope the suspension does that. |
| 32361 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Dwight |
Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. Gabriel, I apologize. |
| 32362 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Gabe |
Great. |
| 32363 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Dwight |
I kneel before you. |
| 32364 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Gabe |
Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology. |
| 32365 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Dwight |
Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition. |
| 32366 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4927 |
Gabe |
Guys, to err is human. |
| 32367 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Erin |
Trust is the most important thing to me. Is your name Andy Bernard? What's your real name? Lionel Frankenstein? |
| 32368 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Andy |
Will you stop walking for one second? That's it. There's no other secrets. Ok? I mean yeah, my chest is not naturally hairless, and my parents pay my credit card bill. |
| 32369 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Erin |
How long were you guys together? |
| 32370 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Andy |
A year. |
| 32371 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Erin |
A year? You were together for a year? |
| 32372 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Andy |
Yeah but that's it. Now you know everything about me. I promise. And if I think of anything else... |
| 32373 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Erin |
I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. Like the girl Precious in Precious. Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Ok? |
| 32374 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4928 |
Andy |
I didn't see that movie. |
| 32375 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
That was ugly. I'm sorry you had to see that. |
| 32376 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Kelly |
Do they still get paid? |
| 32377 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
It's tacky to discuss finances. It's best to pretend that this never happened. |
| 32378 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Oscar |
Sounds like they just got to go home with pay. |
| 32379 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Meredith |
Pathetic. |
| 32380 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
Can I buy everyone coffees? "Or cookies." |
| 32381 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Dwight |
What was that? Are you kidding me? Was that an impression? |
| 32382 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
Alright. |
| 32383 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Kevin |
Uh guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in because corporate told me to. I just want you to know that I laugh like a crazy person. |
| 32384 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
You got to be able to laugh at yourself. I'm one of the gang. |
| 32385 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Dwight |
"I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit." |
| 32386 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Kevin |
"Ciao" Right? "Ciao. I say Ciao because I'm fancy from Tallahassee." |
| 32387 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4929 |
Gabe |
Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? |
| 32388 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
Erin? |
| 32389 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Erin |
Oh. Sorry I thought everyone was gone. |
| 32390 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
No, no, I was just watching Cookie Monster. It finally downloaded. Mind if I sit down? |
| 32391 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Erin |
I can't trust Andy anymore. |
| 32392 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
Oh. Yep. I'm sorry about that. I feel... I'm sorry I caused that thing. |
| 32393 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Erin |
It's Andy's fault. |
| 32394 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
Well, yeah, yes. But I still feel sorry. You know what, I wouldn't worry about Angela. She doesn't hold a candle to you, Erin. She's old enough to be your mom for one thing. And she's, like, three feet tall. And she wears pioneer women clothing. And I don't think she's ever pooped in her life. And Andy, you know, come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis. |
| 32395 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Erin |
Oh, I like his butt. |
| 32396 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
You said butt. |
| 32397 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Erin |
You tricked me! |
| 32398 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4930 |
Michael |
Ahh! You said it! You know who you would love? Oh, this guy in my neighborhood, Tom Dizemore. This is him: "Hey! Hey Scott!" |
| 32399 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4931 |
Andy |
Sometimes telling someone something is hard. Well, at least someone made her happy on Secretary's Day. |
| 32400 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4932 |
Oscar's voice from the computer |
Hey Kevin it's Oscar. I'm looking at the sheet you sent me. And I can't seem to find the column for shipping cost. |
| 32401 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4933 |
Kevin |
I made the most brilliant retaliation video. It's awesome. |
| 32402 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Phyllis |
I don't get it. |
| 32403 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Jim |
Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice. |
| 32404 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Pam |
Yeah. "I vant to count to ten". |
| 32405 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Kevin |
But Oscar is an accountant, and the Count counts numbers. |
| 32406 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Kelly |
But you're an accountant too. |
| 32407 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Oscar |
Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch? |
| 32408 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Pam |
That would have been funny. |
| 32409 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Kevin |
But the Count is purple and Oscar wears purple. |
| 32410 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Michael |
Oh, oh, I was just watching that. Did you do that, man? "Oscar. I am the Count." Nailed him. Nailed him. Good work Cookie Monster. |
| 32411 |
6 |
22 |
Secretary's Day |
4934 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 32412 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4935 |
Michael |
Buenos dias, Erin. |
| 32413 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4935 |
Erin |
Buenos dias, Miguel. Hello, Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 32414 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4935 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor. |
| 32415 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4936 |
Michael |
I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing thing for... for all of North America. And... I am going on vacation next week to Cancun. |
| 32416 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4937 |
Michael |
Buenos dias, Jaime. |
| 32417 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4937 |
Jim |
Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa? |
| 32418 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4937 |
Michael |
Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight! |
| 32419 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4937 |
Dwight |
Guten tag, Herr Michael. |
| 32420 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4938 |
Dwight |
I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid. |
| 32421 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4939 |
Michael |
La telefona. |
| 32422 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4939 |
Oscar |
El telefono. |
| 32423 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4940 |
Oscar |
Michael's having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And, um... I should have been more specific. |
| 32424 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Oscar |
Your office is full of genitalia. |
| 32425 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Michael |
Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el! |
| 32426 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Oscar |
"That's what he says?" |
| 32427 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Michael |
Damn it. Ah, Angelo. |
| 32428 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Angela |
Angela. Michael. |
| 32429 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Michael |
Yo soy Cancun. |
| 32430 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4941 |
Angela |
Uhh! |
| 32431 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Jim |
All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee. |
| 32432 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Pam |
You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee." |
| 32433 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Jim |
Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that. |
| 32434 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Michael |
Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple. |
| 32435 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Dwight |
You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs. |
| 32436 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Michael |
I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company. |
| 32437 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Dwight |
If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives? |
| 32438 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4942 |
Jim |
That's a good point. |
| 32439 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4943 |
Pam |
This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together. |
| 32440 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4943 |
Jim |
Yeah I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other. |
| 32441 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4943 |
Pam |
We have good give and take. I give, he takes. |
| 32442 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4943 |
Jim |
I don't even know who you are anymore. |
| 32443 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4943 |
Pam |
Yee. |
| 32444 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Donna |
Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott. |
| 32445 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Jim |
Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim. |
| 32446 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Donna |
Hi! |
| 32447 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Jim |
How are you? |
| 32448 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Michael |
Did somebody order a hooker over here? |
| 32449 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Donna |
Oh, stop that. |
| 32450 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4944 |
Michael |
Hi. How are you? |
| 32451 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4945 |
Michael |
There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna, the manager of Sid & Dexter's and, right now, we're in the midst of a passionate love affair. Um, no. But she is coming by today. Maybe to buy some printers, so... |
| 32452 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Michael |
Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today. |
| 32453 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Donna |
You look exactly alike. |
| 32454 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Pam |
Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister. |
| 32455 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Donna |
I have a sense about these things. |
| 32456 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 32457 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Donna |
You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back. |
| 32458 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4946 |
Angela |
I knew it. You should see their baby. |
| 32459 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Jim |
So, yes, laser printers are more expensive. But they cost less to operate So it's a tradeoff. |
| 32460 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 32461 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Jim |
Hold on one second. |
| 32462 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Michael |
Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret? |
| 32463 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Jim |
What? |
| 32464 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Michael |
Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me. |
| 32465 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Jim |
None of this is time sensitive. |
| 32466 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Michael |
Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May. |
| 32467 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Donna |
Oh, yeah, thank you. |
| 32468 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4947 |
Michael |
Okay, I have more of them. |
| 32469 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate. A two-week training program at the Yale school of management, obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities. |
| 32470 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Darryl |
Sounds all right. |
| 32471 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
What is this? |
| 32472 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program. |
| 32473 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing. |
| 32474 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Darryl |
I didn't say "a'ight." |
| 32475 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
How do I apply? |
| 32476 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
You have to be a minority. |
| 32477 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going? |
| 32478 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities. |
| 32479 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
Come here. Come here. |
| 32480 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
Hmm? |
| 32481 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Dwight |
Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now all off a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking? |
| 32482 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Gabe |
Well... |
| 32483 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4948 |
Darryl |
I like the sound of this. Maybe one day I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something? |
| 32484 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4949 |
Dwight |
One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I refer? Hmm... the competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines? |
| 32485 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing. |
| 32486 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
Oh, man. White people, right? |
| 32487 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
I don't know if she was white. |
| 32488 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
Well, you can kinda tell from the voice. |
| 32489 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
Yeah. |
| 32490 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race. |
| 32491 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right. |
| 32492 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program. |
| 32493 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
Never thought of myself as an executive before. |
| 32494 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEO's can you think of? |
| 32495 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
I can't think of any CEO's, any race. |
| 32496 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner. |
| 32497 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Kelly |
I could be the Indian Julia Roberts. |
| 32498 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4950 |
Dwight |
That's not... she's... okay. Yes. |
| 32499 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4951 |
Michael |
I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white. |
| 32500 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4951 |
Donna |
Mm-hmm. |
| 32501 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4951 |
Michael |
And that would be a display of the crisp, gorgeous black. |
| 32502 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4951 |
Donna |
Yeah. |
| 32503 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4952 |
Michael |
It's subtle. That's how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And then she looks at me, then back at me, then back at the image. Soon, she doesn't know what is me, what is the image. She just knows that she's turned on. |
| 32504 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before. |
| 32505 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Donna |
Who took the photo? |
| 32506 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
Ryan. |
| 32507 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Donna |
Oh. |
| 32508 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
And that's it. That's me. That's who I am. |
| 32509 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Donna |
Not bad. |
| 32510 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
Oh, thanks. You're not bad, either. |
| 32511 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Donna |
Thank you. Hmm. |
| 32512 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
Hmm. |
| 32513 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Donna |
Oh my God. |
| 32514 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4953 |
Michael |
Jim! Could you come in here for a sec? What was that printer we were looking at? |
| 32515 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Michael |
You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread? |
| 32516 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Jim |
No. |
| 32517 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Pam |
I'll have one. |
| 32518 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Jim |
Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work. |
| 32519 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Michael |
Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam. |
| 32520 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Jim |
Okay. Well, all that is irrelevant. |
| 32521 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4954 |
Pam |
Maybe Michael has a point. I mean, if she was really that upset, she wouldn't still be here. |
| 32522 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4955 |
Donna |
Was it professional? No. But I work in the nightlife industry. I get hit on all the time. In my 20's it would have been annoying. In my late 20's, I find it really flattering. |
| 32523 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4956 |
Michael |
Look, I know that I screwed up in there. I know that I probably messed up your sale. I just want to go in and fix it. |
| 32524 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4956 |
Pam |
What if I back out and you finish the pitch with Jim? |
| 32525 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4956 |
Jim |
What? |
| 32526 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Jim |
What was that? |
| 32527 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Pam |
Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways. |
| 32528 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Jim |
Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale. |
| 32529 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Pam |
Who cares? It's not that huge a sale. |
| 32530 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Jim |
Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale. |
| 32531 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4957 |
Pam |
Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. Good luck, wingman. |
| 32532 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Dwight |
How as being a minority affected you? |
| 32533 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Kelly |
Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy. |
| 32534 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Dwight |
Oh, good, and you resent this because... |
| 32535 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Kelly |
Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky. |
| 32536 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Dwight |
Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house. |
| 32537 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4958 |
Kelly |
Just put it in your pocket. |
| 32538 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Kevin |
Look at that. She's totally flirting with him. |
| 32539 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Phyllis |
You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality. |
| 32540 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Creed |
You ever notice you can ooze two things: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya. |
| 32541 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Phyllis |
She just crossed her arms together... that's bad. |
| 32542 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Pam |
Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger. |
| 32543 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4959 |
Kevin |
Like that? |
| 32544 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Donna |
Is this... is this the best you can do right there? |
| 32545 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Jim |
Uh, for that printer, yes. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of flexibility. |
| 32546 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Donna |
Oh. Well, I guess I'm just used to the restaurant business, where, if you're in charge, then you can always get discounts for the people that you like. |
| 32547 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 32548 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Michael |
So maybe we could find a little wiggle room, right? |
| 32549 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 32550 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Michael |
Maybe wee find some wiggle room? |
| 32551 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Jim |
I don't... I don't think so. |
| 32552 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4960 |
Michael |
I think we could. |
| 32553 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Oscar |
I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost... |
| 32554 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Michael |
Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes. |
| 32555 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Oscar |
Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money. |
| 32556 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Michael |
Why don't you run them again? |
| 32557 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Jim |
What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price? |
| 32558 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Michael |
If she is, it's working. |
| 32559 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4961 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested. |
| 32560 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Jim |
She does not like him. |
| 32561 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Pam |
You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together? |
| 32562 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Jim |
'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day. |
| 32563 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Pam |
I was after your money. |
| 32564 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Jim |
Well, the joke was on you. |
| 32565 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4962 |
Pam |
Yes, it was. |
| 32566 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this. |
| 32567 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Ryan |
Okay... |
| 32568 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Dwight |
Hey... what are you guys doing? |
| 32569 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic. |
| 32570 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Ryan |
Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat. |
| 32571 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
Oh, that is so good. |
| 32572 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Dwight |
You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview. |
| 32573 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me. |
| 32574 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Dwight |
Ryan? What does he know? |
| 32575 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Ryan |
It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race? |
| 32576 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in. |
| 32577 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Dwight |
"We?" |
| 32578 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Kelly |
When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager. |
| 32579 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4963 |
Ryan |
And then the two of us are cleanin' house. |
| 32580 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4964 |
Dwight |
Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable f my own destruction, I 'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate. |
| 32581 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Michael |
So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller... |
| 32582 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Donna |
Mm-hmm. |
| 32583 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Michael |
Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. Just kidding. Do you like mints? |
| 32584 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Donna |
Yes. |
| 32585 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Michael |
I carry mints with me sometimes. You ever tried those? |
| 32586 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Donna |
Oh, I haven't tried those. No. |
| 32587 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Michael |
They're good |
| 32588 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Donna |
You want one? |
| 32589 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Michael |
Sure. |
| 32590 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4965 |
Donna |
It's like cool... "certified cool." I like how they say "certified." Like there's some consortium of... Michael! |
| 32591 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
I can't stop myself from kissing her. |
| 32592 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Kevin |
Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day. |
| 32593 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Andy |
Well, why don't you just move the M&M's? |
| 32594 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Kevin |
Well, why don't you shut up! |
| 32595 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time. |
| 32596 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Jim |
It is totally insane. |
| 32597 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Oscar |
Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker. |
| 32598 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
Okay. What do you think? |
| 32599 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Kevin |
I think it's over, man. |
| 32600 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
Andy? |
| 32601 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Andy |
Ehh. |
| 32602 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
Okay, some for, some against. |
| 32603 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Jim |
Nobody's for. |
| 32604 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
Pam? |
| 32605 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Pam |
Hmm? |
| 32606 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Michael |
What do you think? |
| 32607 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Pam |
Um... I think it's really, really unlikely. |
| 32608 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 32609 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Pam |
Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible. |
| 32610 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4966 |
Jim |
What? |
| 32611 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4967 |
Pam |
I'm not saying she's in love with him. But she could have left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob shirt. |
| 32612 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Michael |
I'm going with Pam's group. |
| 32613 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Jim |
Wait. |
| 32614 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Michael |
Here we go. |
| 32615 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Jim |
Michael. Michael. |
| 32616 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 32617 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Jim |
Michael. |
| 32618 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Michael |
No, guys, guys, guys. Guys, just... thank you for talking. Wish me luck. |
| 32619 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4968 |
Jim |
No. |
| 32620 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4969 |
Michael |
What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped, given up, after two rejections? Would have been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point. |
| 32621 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Dwight |
Kelly is disqualified! |
| 32622 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Gabe |
What? |
| 32623 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Dwight |
You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America. |
| 32624 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Gabe |
Yeah, but she's not white, though. |
| 32625 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Dwight |
Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic. |
| 32626 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4970 |
Gabe |
Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone. |
| 32627 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4971 |
Darryl |
I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though. |
| 32628 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Dwight |
Kelly is the only applicant. |
| 32629 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Gabe |
Yeah, unless somebody else applies today. |
| 32630 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Kelly |
Namaste. |
| 32631 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Dwight |
Oh, dear God. Okay. Don't make any decisions just yet. Okay? I'll be right back. |
| 32632 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Kelly |
Hello. |
| 32633 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Gabe |
That's very nice. I never noticed that before. |
| 32634 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Kelly |
Sometimes my bangs cover it. |
| 32635 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Gabe |
Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means? |
| 32636 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4972 |
Kelly |
I do find that offensive, actually. |
| 32637 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
We should have your contract done by Thursday. |
| 32638 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Oh, great. Great, I will look out for that stuff, then. |
| 32639 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 32640 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
And, um... you know I just wanted to say it was really... really nice to do business with you. |
| 32641 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Yeah it was nice to do business with you, too. |
| 32642 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Thank you. Did I... get everything? |
| 32643 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
I don't know. I think so. |
| 32644 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Yeah, I think so. |
| 32645 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Okay. So... Oh, Donna? |
| 32646 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Yeah? Do you need validation? We don't... we don't validate. |
| 32647 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
No, it's just in the lot, so... |
| 32648 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Thank you so much. |
| 32649 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
You're welcome. You're... welcome. |
| 32650 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Mmm. |
| 32651 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Bye. |
| 32652 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Ahem. So, um... okay, if you have... if there's any other questions that you have... |
| 32653 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
I don't have, uh, any other questions. I'm just gonna... make my way down to... |
| 32654 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
All right. All right. Bye. |
| 32655 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Bye-bye! |
| 32656 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
And have a good elevator ride. |
| 32657 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Donna |
Okay. |
| 32658 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Michael |
Oh, what's that out there? |
| 32659 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4973 |
Kevin |
Michael, how did it go? |
| 32660 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company? |
| 32661 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Erin |
Holy cow. I'd be so happy. |
| 32662 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
I wasn't talking to you, pale-face. |
| 32663 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Erin |
I know. I meant I'd be happy for them. |
| 32664 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management. |
| 32665 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Stanley |
Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow." |
| 32666 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 32667 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Stanley |
I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow. |
| 32668 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Erin |
Mm! |
| 32669 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective. |
| 32670 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Oscar |
Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is. |
| 32671 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4974 |
Dwight |
I can protect you from Kelly. Will you get out of here? Seriously. |
| 32672 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Kelly |
For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them. |
| 32673 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Dwight |
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hide Toshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative. |
| 32674 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Kelly |
Dwight: What are you doing? |
| 32675 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Dwight |
Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour. |
| 32676 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Kelly |
God, I hate you so much! |
| 32677 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Dwight |
Caucasians, am I right? Have a seat. I'll translate. |
| 32678 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Hide |
Why? I don't need translator. |
| 32679 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Dwight |
You don't know what you need. Just... |
| 32680 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Gabe |
Well, uh... why don't you just tell me a little about yourself, Hide. |
| 32681 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4975 |
Hide |
In Japan, heart surgeon, number one. Steady hand. |
| 32682 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
Hey, Michael. How you doing? |
| 32683 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
I don't know. I don't know. Can't really trust my feelings anymore. |
| 32684 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
You know what, Michael? For what it's worth... I was wrong, too. I thought she was interested in you. |
| 32685 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
She suckered you too. |
| 32686 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 32687 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Was it the cleavage? |
| 32688 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts. |
| 32689 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 32690 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Phyllis |
Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It... it's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far. |
| 32691 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Andy |
You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh... I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused. |
| 32692 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Erin |
Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home? |
| 32693 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
God. She left this here? |
| 32694 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 32695 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Okay. Maybe she wants me to return this to her at her work. |
| 32696 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Jim |
What? |
| 32697 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
All |
No. |
| 32698 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Yeah. This could be a signal. People don't just take barrettes off. |
| 32699 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Oscar |
It's not a signal. It's just a coincidence. No, it's not even a coincidence. It's just something that happened. |
| 32700 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
Michael... |
| 32701 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 32702 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you. |
| 32703 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
Yeah, I know. I know. |
| 32704 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. |
| 32705 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Michael |
I know. You're right. Thank you. Thanks everybody. |
| 32706 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4976 |
Pam |
Michael! |
| 32707 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4977 |
Donna |
Michael! |
| 32708 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4977 |
Michael |
Oh. You're still here. I have your baguette. |
| 32709 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4978 |
Gabe |
Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor. All right. |
| 32710 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4979 |
Gabe |
They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right. |
| 32711 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Kelly |
And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore. |
| 32712 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Erin |
Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much? |
| 32713 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Kelly |
Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway. |
| 32714 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Erin |
Great. |
| 32715 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Dwight |
Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it. |
| 32716 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Kelly |
Thank you, Dwight. |
| 32717 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 32718 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Kelly |
I'll never forget everything that you've done for me. |
| 32719 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Dwight |
Gosh. He he. |
| 32720 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4980 |
Kelly |
Because I never forget anything. |
| 32721 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4981 |
Dwight |
Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask? |
| 32722 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Michael |
You know what? Everybody told me that you weren't interested. Everybody. And I didn't believe 'em. And they were right. So... there's your barrette. |
| 32723 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Donna |
No, y-you were... right. |
| 32724 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 32725 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Donna |
You were right. |
| 32726 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Michael |
About what? |
| 32727 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Donna |
You were right. I'm sorry. |
| 32728 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Michael |
No, no. No. |
| 32729 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Donna |
I'm sor... |
| 32730 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4982 |
Michael |
No... |
| 32731 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Michael |
What happened? |
| 32732 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Erin |
Kelly got into the minority training program. |
| 32733 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Michael |
Really?! Oh, that's great. That's such good news. I did it! I kissed. We kissed. |
| 32734 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Kevin |
Ooh. |
| 32735 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Phyllis |
Oh, Michael. |
| 32736 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4983 |
Michael |
No, I'm serious. It... this happened. I went down to the parking lot and I was... I returned her barrette We ki... We did. Okay. We did. We did. |
| 32737 |
6 |
23 |
Body Language |
4984 |
Michael |
You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I know it happened. And that is all that counts. I did do it! |
| 32738 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4985 |
Dwight |
Stop it! |
| 32739 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4985 |
Jim |
Stop what? |
| 32740 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4985 |
Dwight |
You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha! |
| 32741 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4985 |
Jim |
Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. |
| 32742 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4986 |
Jim |
Yup. That's exactly what we did. |
| 32743 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4986 |
Pam |
It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, "I will when you lose the baby weight." |
| 32744 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4987 |
Dwight |
Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. Detonator. Detonator where? Michael! |
| 32745 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4988 |
Michael |
Jim. Are you clicking a detonator? |
| 32746 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4988 |
Jim |
It's a pen. |
| 32747 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4988 |
Dwight |
Michael, come on. |
| 32748 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4988 |
Michael |
Get back to work, Dwight. Please. |
| 32749 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4988 |
Dwight |
Fine. Hey. Tap away. |
| 32750 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4989 |
Michael |
Ooh! Things with Donna are so... oh-ho-ho! They're going great. I, uh... we're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and... orally and I am not used to relationships going this well. I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it! |
| 32751 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Who enjoys the weekends? Of course. Now the weekend is always great if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna. She is hot. She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have s*x. Did I say that? Yes, I did. And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I could do on the weekend. So just shout it out. |
| 32752 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Stanley |
I have an idea for your weekend. |
| 32753 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 32754 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Stanley |
Let me get back to my desk right now. |
| 32755 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Okay, you get out of here, big dog. Ah, no, no, no, no. You guys sit down. I need ideas. |
| 32756 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
Stanley got to go. |
| 32757 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything. Come on. Shout 'em out, shout 'em out. |
| 32758 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Andy |
Walk around apple orchards. |
| 32759 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Oh! |
| 32760 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Andy |
Super romantic. |
| 32761 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
That's fun. |
| 32762 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Dwight |
Eel fishing. |
| 32763 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 32764 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Darryl |
Curl up with your favorite DVD. |
| 32765 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Meredith |
You and Donna should hit the Poconos. They have heart-shaped Jacuzzis. Room enough for three. |
| 32766 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
We actually went to the Poconos last Tuesday. We headed up there, we went to a little Chinese bistro, um, P.F. Chang's. |
| 32767 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Kelly |
Wait, why would you go all the way to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's when we have the Great Wall in Scranton. |
| 32768 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Because when your super-hot girlfriend says, "I wanna go to Mount Pocono," you go to Mount Pocono and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops. TMI. |
| 32769 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Kelly |
Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating? |
| 32770 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
You know what, Kelly? This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton. Oh my God, this is super weird. When Ryan had two girlfriends, he used to take me to some diner in Hazelton just so the other girl wouldn't see. |
| 32771 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Ryan |
Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! It's in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana. |
| 32772 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
You guys think Donna's cheating on me? |
| 32773 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
No, Michael, no. |
| 32774 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Dwight |
Are you nuts? |
| 32775 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
You had a nice meal with your girlfriend in a lovely place... |
| 32776 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
... and... we had s*x, too. |
| 32777 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
That is right. Don't make any more of it. |
| 32778 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
How? |
| 32779 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
How what? |
| 32780 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
How do I not make any more of it? |
| 32781 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Pam |
You could start by concluding this meeting. |
| 32782 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
All right. And she won't say, "I love you." |
| 32783 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. |
| 32784 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Andy |
How many dates have you been on? |
| 32785 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Michael |
Nine dates. I said it on the second date. |
| 32786 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Andy |
Mm. |
| 32787 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Oscar |
That seems... quick. Even for lesbians. |
| 32788 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4990 |
Ryan |
Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael? |
| 32789 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4991 |
Ryan |
Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before s*x? Does she shower after s*x? Does she... |
| 32790 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
Yeah, she does all that. |
| 32791 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Ryan |
Sorry, dude. |
| 32792 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
No, no... |
| 32793 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Pam |
Michael, do not let your imagination run amok. |
| 32794 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
Run what? |
| 32795 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Pam |
Amok. It means, don't let your imagination run out of control. |
| 32796 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
Why didn't you just say that, Pam? |
| 32797 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Pam |
Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control. |
| 32798 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world. |
| 32799 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Jim |
You do? |
| 32800 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
Yes, Jim, I do. And I can't stay in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit. |
| 32801 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Jim |
But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago. |
| 32802 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4992 |
Michael |
That's what makes it so wrong. |
| 32803 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4993 |
Michael |
Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, I have not eaten or slept. This not knowing, that's what's killing me. |
| 32804 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Dwight |
Oh, God, that tickles. What did... |
| 32805 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Michael |
I want someone to follow Donna. I want her tailed. I need the name of a good private investigator. |
| 32806 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Dwight |
I think I've got one for you. |
| 32807 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Michael |
This is you. How much do you charge? |
| 32808 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Dwight |
$100 a day, plus expenses. |
| 32809 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Michael |
I'll give you $50. Money's no object. |
| 32810 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Dwight |
I'm just gonna warn you... and I say this to all my clients... you might not like what I find. |
| 32811 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 32812 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4994 |
Dwight |
And you might not like how I find it. |
| 32813 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4995 |
Andy |
Of course. Yeah, that's terrible. Okay, let me get back to you. Hey, Stanley. One of my clients just called and said that their Sabre printer started smoking and caught on fire. |
| 32814 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4995 |
Stanley |
My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems. |
| 32815 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
Hey, Gabe I need to talk to you about something. It's really important. |
| 32816 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Gabe |
There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right? |
| 32817 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. He was in the middle of a big printing job and the back of the printer started smoking and then the paper tray caught on fire. |
| 32818 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Gabe |
That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. I would even settle for apricot preserves. |
| 32819 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
What are we gonna do about this? |
| 32820 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Gabe |
I don't know. Call HQ, see if they know anything. Yeah. That's what I'll do today. All right. Yeah. |
| 32821 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
Let me know what they say. |
| 32822 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Darryl |
Wow. That dude is good. |
| 32823 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
What do you mean? |
| 32824 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Darryl |
You didn't feel like he was hiding something? |
| 32825 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Andy |
I don't know. |
| 32826 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4996 |
Darryl |
Like he was... covering something up? Maybe. |
| 32827 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4997 |
Darryl |
Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, and I was mad as hell at the time. But I said "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient." |
| 32828 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Dwight |
Hi stranger. |
| 32829 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Donna |
Oh, hi. You work for Michael. |
| 32830 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Dwight |
I work with Michael. |
| 32831 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Donna |
Right. |
| 32832 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 32833 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4998 |
Donna |
Donna, hi. |
| 32834 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
4999 |
Dwight |
All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna Is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news. |
| 32835 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Jim |
That's interesting. Wow, it's a little early for ice cream, don't you think? |
| 32836 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. |
| 32837 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
Oh!... |
| 32838 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Jim |
Oh, my God |
| 32839 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
It's comfort food, all right? God. |
| 32840 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Jim |
You know Michael, this whole Donna thing is gonna be okay, you just... stop beating yourself up. |
| 32841 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
I know. Well, I hope you're right. We'll see what Dwight says. |
| 32842 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
Why do we have to see what Dwight says? |
| 32843 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update. |
| 32844 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Jim |
Michael, no... |
| 32845 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that. |
| 32846 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok. |
| 32847 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
Michael. Okay, I'm... I'm going to talk straight to you because I think you need to hear it. Michael. |
| 32848 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
God, this is so disgusting. |
| 32849 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
Stop eating it! Do you wanna be happy? Look at you. You have a major self-destructive streak in you. |
| 32850 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 32851 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
And you kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in. |
| 32852 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
That's not true. You're right, I ruin everything. And I've known some wonderful women. Holly, Carol, Jan. |
| 32853 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
Helene. |
| 32854 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
Helene? |
| 32855 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
My mother. |
| 32856 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 32857 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Pam |
My mother, Helene. |
| 32858 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. All of, all of the greatest loves of my life. |
| 32859 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Jim |
You should stop this, and you should call Dwight right now. |
| 32860 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5000 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 32861 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Dwight |
Oh, gosh, we were both going for the same weight at the same time; you go ahead. |
| 32862 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Donna |
Thank you. |
| 32863 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Dwight |
It's all yours. Ah! |
| 32864 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Donna |
You okay? |
| 32865 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body? |
| 32866 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Donna |
Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. |
| 32867 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5001 |
Dwight |
Tractor pulling. Too bad there's not a tractor here. |
| 32868 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5002 |
Dwight |
Oh. Oh. Oh. One thing you need to know about me. I don't quit until something tears or pops. You look like you're getting a good workout. Can I feel your pulse? |
| 32869 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5002 |
Donna |
Nope. I'm good, thanks. |
| 32870 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5002 |
Dwight |
Really? Hey, um... |
| 32871 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5002 |
Old lady |
Look, young man, can you wipe down that seat? |
| 32872 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5002 |
Dwight |
Get out of my way. Huh! |
| 32873 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5003 |
Dwight |
Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right? |
| 32874 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5003 |
Donna |
I'm out of here. |
| 32875 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5003 |
Dwight |
Donna. Donna, wait, please. I'm sorry. Okay? Listen. We both know why I'm here: to see... you... naked... while... I'm... naked. |
| 32876 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5003 |
Donna |
You stay away from me, or I'm calling security. |
| 32877 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5003 |
Dwight |
Donna, come... Ah! Grr! Ugh! |
| 32878 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
You're back. What happened? |
| 32879 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
Oh, I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking. |
| 32880 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
No, what happened with Donna? |
| 32881 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
Yeah, no. She's not cheating. Oh, man! Will you help me work out this knot? Right here. |
| 32882 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
Ugh! |
| 32883 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
Put your fingers here. |
| 32884 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
No. No! Are you sure? |
| 32885 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
I'm positive. Yeah, oh, and here's your expense receipts right there. |
| 32886 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
Who eats eight protein bars? |
| 32887 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
People who don't trust egg whites. |
| 32888 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
Okay. Well, I am just glad this is all over. |
| 32889 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
Oh, me too. And by the way, uh, I told her not to, but she's coming over here and she's furious. |
| 32890 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
What? No, she didn't say that. |
| 32891 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Dwight |
You're right. I was paraphrasing. What she actually said was, "What is with him? He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him." And this was after I have no other recourse but to tell her and gym security that you had me sent there to see if she was cheating. Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly. |
| 32892 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5004 |
Michael |
I am not paying for that membership. |
| 32893 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Michael |
Ohhh... mmm... |
| 32894 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Erin |
Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office. |
| 32895 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Michael |
No, I like the attention. Is she here yet? |
| 32896 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Erin |
Uh, no. Wait, yes. |
| 32897 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Michael |
That's her? |
| 32898 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 32899 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5005 |
Michael |
Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Right. Okay, I'll talk to you later. |
| 32900 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
How could you think I would cheat on you? |
| 32901 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
I didn't. Everybody else here did. Everybody convinced me that something was up. They poisoned my mind. |
| 32902 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
That's pathetic. |
| 32903 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
Ye... pfff. Well, no. It's a lie. That's not what happened. I just like you. I can't believe I get to be with you. You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want. |
| 32904 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
When I tell you I like you, you need to trust me, not some freak. |
| 32905 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
If you wanna dump me, I totally get it. |
| 32906 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
I told you I like you. |
| 32907 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
Well, you are boner-ific. |
| 32908 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
Hey, if I said that we should go away for a couple of days, you would... |
| 32909 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
...poop my pants. |
| 32910 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
Have you ever been to Vero Beach? |
| 32911 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
Oh, my God, Vero Beach. No. Is that on the water? |
| 32912 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
We're going. |
| 32913 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Michael |
We are? |
| 32914 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5006 |
Donna |
Yeah. |
| 32915 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5007 |
Andy |
What's up? I got your e-mail. |
| 32916 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5007 |
Darryl |
Close the door. |
| 32917 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5007 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 32918 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5008 |
Darryl |
I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. Andy don't mess with me. I'll figure something out. |
| 32919 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Darryl |
Some freaky stuff going on. I was walking behind Gabe and I heard some things. |
| 32920 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Andy |
Such as? |
| 32921 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Darryl |
It was kind of mumbled, I don't know, uh, only thing I could make out clearly was "Andy," "Problem," "Eliminate," something. I don't know what it meant. |
| 32922 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Andy |
What? You don't know what it meant? How about "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?" |
| 32923 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Darryl |
Whoa. I hadn't even thought of that. |
| 32924 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5009 |
Andy |
Yeah. Hah. Hoo. |
| 32925 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Kelly |
Oh, hey, I love your earrings. |
| 32926 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Donna |
Thank you. |
| 32927 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Kelly |
Did Michael get them for you? |
| 32928 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Donna |
No, I bought them myself. |
| 32929 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Kelly |
Where? |
| 32930 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Donna |
Steamtown Mall. |
| 32931 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Kelly |
Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earring, Earrings? Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat? Where? |
| 32932 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Donna |
You know, I actually got them in Philadelphia, in a mall down there. |
| 32933 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Kelly |
Franklin Mills? King of Prussia? Springfield? Governor's Place? |
| 32934 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Donna |
Uh, Franklin Mills. |
| 32935 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Jim |
What? |
| 32936 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5010 |
Pam |
Hmm? Oh. It's probably nothing. |
| 32937 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5011 |
Pam |
Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael. |
| 32938 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5011 |
Jim |
Wait, so are you... you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right? |
| 32939 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5011 |
Pam |
No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love. |
| 32940 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5012 |
Creed |
Psst... |
| 32941 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5013 |
Andy |
Creed's head of quality assurance. So he'd definitely be wrapped up in this. |
| 32942 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5014 |
Creed |
So there I am, minding my own business and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less. |
| 32943 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5015 |
Pam |
So it turns out Donna and I have a facebook friend of a friend in common, so I was able to see some of her pictures online. This was taken two weeks ago. And this was taken the same night. This photo was taken this morning. It's Cece. She's never gonna do anything wrong. |
| 32944 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Donna |
Isn't that something? |
| 32945 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Wow. That's exciting. |
| 32946 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
Hey, Michael. |
| 32947 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 32948 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
I'm sorry to interrupt you. Um, I actually have something very important to talk to you about, business related. |
| 32949 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Well it can wait. It can wait. |
| 32950 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
I lied it's personal. It's about me and Jim. We're... I just... you're the only person I can talk to. |
| 32951 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Jim is her husband. |
| 32952 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Donna |
Oh. |
| 32953 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
And... |
| 32954 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
And they are having problems, so sh... |
| 32955 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
No, not... we're not... we're not having problems. But it is personal. And I would love... |
| 32956 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Good in bed. |
| 32957 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
Yes. Yes, I desperately want to speak with you about my s*x life with Jim. |
| 32958 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Oh, my God. Look at how cheap street level rooms are. Am I the only person who enjoys people watching? |
| 32959 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
I need you to sign this! So bad! |
| 32960 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Okay, weirdo. |
| 32961 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
I love ... this idea is neat. I've never been. It sounds lovely. |
| 32962 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Donna |
Yeah I think it'll be a nice trip. We're gonna get a lot done. |
| 32963 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
You're gonna wanna look at the date on that. Oh, wow. Look at... golfing. Are you a golfer? |
| 32964 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Donna |
I am, but I, I gave my clubs away. I swear too much. Hey, you okay? |
| 32965 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Michael |
Yeah, I just remembered that I have to go to the bathroom. Pam? |
| 32966 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5016 |
Pam |
Absolutely. |
| 32967 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Darryl |
Look, I'm not down there anymore, so if the guys start making fun of you, you just, you gotta stand up for yourself. |
| 32968 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Glen |
I know, it's just, I'm scared... |
| 32969 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Andy |
Your text said 911. |
| 32970 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Darryl |
Glen, could you excuse us? |
| 32971 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Darryl |
It's bad. |
| 32972 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Andy |
What's bad? |
| 32973 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5017 |
Darryl |
It's real bad. |
| 32974 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5018 |
Darryl |
Still no plan. |
| 32975 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Andy |
Oh, God. |
| 32976 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Darryl |
It's getting bigger. |
| 32977 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Andy |
I might have to go public here, but no one's gonna believe me. Uh... I need proof. I need, like, a printer to catch on fire. |
| 32978 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Darryl |
I can videotape it. |
| 32979 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 32980 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Darryl |
There it is. |
| 32981 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Andy |
There what is? |
| 32982 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5019 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 32983 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
Who the hell is this? Who is this guy? |
| 32984 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
I don't know who he is. |
| 32985 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
God! Lowest of the low. That guy. Just a notch above Toby. You know what? |
| 32986 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
What? |
| 32987 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
I'm gonna kill him. No, I'm not. I feel... I... no, I'm not going to kill him. |
| 32988 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
You just have to go in there. You have to hear it from her. |
| 32989 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
I have to hear it from her. |
| 32990 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
You have to settle down first. |
| 32991 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
I need to have her tell me herself. Right? |
| 32992 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
Okay. Okay. Yes. |
| 32993 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
I need to have her say... |
| 32994 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
Yeah, but you have to calm... |
| 32995 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
I need to say, "What the hell is that? What the hell is that?" |
| 32996 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
Okay. Look at this, look at this. Baby picture. |
| 32997 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
No, God! No, no, oh, my God! |
| 32998 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Pam |
Hi, Michael, hi, Michael |
| 32999 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5020 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay. Okay. |
| 33000 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5021 |
Gabe |
I talked to corporate. Turns out there have been 12 reports of faulty printers. Out of 400,000. We've investigated. Every time it's been user error. They block the vents or something, I don't know. That's why we have the fine print. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. So I'd like to reward you for that. That's god for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts. |
| 33001 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
You know what? We should really do something fun this week. |
| 33002 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Yeah, we should. |
| 33003 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
Wouldn't that be fun? |
| 33004 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Yeah. |
| 33005 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
How about Thursday? |
| 33006 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Thursday works. Yeah, what do you wanna do? |
| 33007 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
I can't do Thursday. Book club. How about Friday? |
| 33008 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Oh, Friday doesn't work. |
| 33009 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
Oh, really? 'cause I was thinking we could go to this concert. Spice Girls are opening for Weird Al. Front row. It'd be a great, great concert. |
| 33010 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Shoot. I'm working. |
| 33011 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
Oh okay. Well, maybe I could stop by. |
| 33012 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Well, won't you be at the concert? |
| 33013 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
Nope, that's Tuesday. |
| 33014 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
Oh, well, I can make it on Tuesday. |
| 33015 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
You're cheating. You're cheating on me. |
| 33016 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Donna |
How do you know? |
| 33017 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Michael |
Pam told me. |
| 33018 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Pam |
Did she see me? |
| 33019 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5022 |
Jim |
Nice effort. |
| 33020 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
We're printing on 24-pound premium stock paper, approximately 300 sheets in. So far, no signs of distress. |
| 33021 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
You haven't even introduced yourself. |
| 33022 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
Right. My name is Andrew Baines Bernard, and if you're watching this, it's because I've turned State's witness because I'm in danger because I know too much. |
| 33023 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
You should talk in a higher voice 'cause the camera makes you sound weird. |
| 33024 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
Higher? Okay. Recently certain events have come to my attention... |
| 33025 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
Higher. |
| 33026 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
Make it higher? Okay. |
| 33027 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
Mm-hmm |
| 33028 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
I have come to the conclusion that the Sabre corporation... |
| 33029 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
One more, yeah. |
| 33030 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
May be overlooking certain safety regulations. At the danger... ah! It's working. It's... I knew it! |
| 33031 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Darryl |
This... |
| 33032 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5023 |
Andy |
We are blowin' the roof off! Blowin' the roof off! Nice. Nice. This is my partner, Darryl Philbin. He's been my partner through this entire thing. |
| 33033 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5024 |
Darryl |
I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real. It's not funny. I'm just gonna be good, stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank anymore. |
| 33034 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5025 |
Michael |
Who is he? |
| 33035 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5025 |
Donna |
What, what do you mean? |
| 33036 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5025 |
Michael |
The other man. Who's the guy? Who is it? |
| 33037 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5025 |
Donna |
It's you. I'm married. |
| 33038 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5025 |
Michael |
I'm the mistress? |
| 33039 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Dwight |
Okay, everybody, let's take this next hill. |
| 33040 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Gym Instructor |
Excuse me. Yeah, I'd appreciate it if you'd just let me run this. |
| 33041 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Dwight |
You know what? You had your chance. You're no leader. Out of your seat, let's blast! |
| 33042 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Gym instructor |
Don't listen to him, we're approaching a cooldown down a gentle hill. |
| 33043 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Dwight |
No! The hill's a trap. Let's take the dirt road off to the side. |
| 33044 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Gym instructor |
No, guys, no. We're just cooling down... |
| 33045 |
6 |
24 |
The Cover-Up |
5026 |
Dwight |
If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff. And three, two, one... jump! No! You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump. You're barely alive. Okay, now nice cooldown. Check your pulse rate. |
| 33046 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5027 |
Toby |
This here is a radon test kit. Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. This is a radon test kit. Please don't throw these out. See them all over the office. |
| 33047 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5028 |
Michael |
Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away, I thought it was an ant trap. But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with his creepy little disc. The second time... I thought it was one of those, you know, those things you turn over and it moos. Like a cow thing. But upon closer examination, it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. And the third time... I did it out of spite. |
| 33048 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Pfffffttt. |
| 33049 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Toby |
Come on, Michael. You're interrupting. |
| 33050 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this? |
| 33051 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Toby |
Please sit down. |
| 33052 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
You know what? We're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom. |
| 33053 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Everyone |
YEAH! |
| 33054 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Right? And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. |
| 33055 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Everyone |
No. No! |
| 33056 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Jim |
That's... not okay. |
| 33057 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Okay, alright. |
| 33058 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Dwight |
You were being really funny, and then you went too far. |
| 33059 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby. |
| 33060 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Dwight |
No, hmmm... that's still... |
| 33061 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Everyone |
Mm-mm. |
| 33062 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Okay geniuses, how would you do it? |
| 33063 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Creed |
Curve the bullet. Like in my favorite James McAvoy film, Wanted. |
| 33064 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Oscar |
All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden... |
| 33065 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Ryan |
Is there a curtain rod in the room? |
| 33066 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
I don't know. |
| 33067 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Stanley |
How about make-believe land has anything you want? |
| 33068 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Jim |
Stanley, please, this is serious! |
| 33069 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Angela |
Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence? |
| 33070 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Yes, we stab Toby through the heart with an icicle. |
| 33071 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Dwight |
Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it: You line them all up, you take one bullet, shoot them all through the throat at the same time. Watch this. Phyllis, you're Hitler. Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up, throats together. |
| 33072 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Toby |
I don't wanna do this. |
| 33073 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Toby, just do it! God! |
| 33074 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Dwight |
Toby, come on. |
| 33075 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Dwight |
Ready, one bullet. And boom! |
| 33076 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Everyone |
Yeah, that works. That works! |
| 33077 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5029 |
Michael |
Good work. |
| 33078 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5030 |
Pam |
What flavors did you get? |
| 33079 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5030 |
Erin |
It's so exciting Pam. The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams in honor of turning 60. |
| 33080 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5030 |
Pam |
Despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla. Why do they do this? |
| 33081 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5030 |
Erin |
Do you want me to go back to the store? |
| 33082 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5030 |
Pam |
No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. We gotta get these out, open 'em up. |
| 33083 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5031 |
Erin |
This is all for Michael. It turns out his girlfriend was married. |
| 33084 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5031 |
Pam |
Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this. |
| 33085 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5031 |
Erin |
After his last breakup, he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me. |
| 33086 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5031 |
Pam |
Yeah, or no... well... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this. |
| 33087 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5031 |
Erin |
That's okay. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though. |
| 33088 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Erin |
We have Mr. Bean playing in the conference room and the Pink Panther movie in his office. With half hour shifts to watch it with him. |
| 33089 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
And we need bodies in both these rooms, people. So please sign up. |
| 33090 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Erin |
He's coming. |
| 33091 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
Oh, okay. Everyone, remember, when he get's like this, he will wallow, if you empathize. Keep conversations light and if you get stuck, and you don't know what to do, make a random sound effect okay? Farting noise, whatever. Okay. |
| 33092 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Toby |
Hey everyone. |
| 33093 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
No, out! Get out now! Leave now. |
| 33094 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Dwight |
Leave, get outta here. |
| 33095 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
Leave! |
| 33096 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Dwight |
Right now! |
| 33097 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
Oh, and if he makes a joke, just laugh it up, no matter what. Okay? |
| 33098 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Michael |
Morning everyone. |
| 33099 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Everyone |
Hey! Hey, hey! |
| 33100 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Erin |
Hi Michael. |
| 33101 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Michael |
Hello! |
| 33102 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Dwight |
Michael, nice tie or something. |
| 33103 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. |
| 33104 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Kevin |
That's hilarious. |
| 33105 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Pam |
That's awesome. You want some ice cream? |
| 33106 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Michael |
Oh! Oh wow, are those Eagles' flavors? Cake it to the Limit. That's my favorite! I love that! Too much for me to have by myself. Anybody wanna share? |
| 33107 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Kevin |
Boi-oi-oi-ing |
| 33108 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5032 |
Michael |
Okay. Well... that's random. I will dig into those later. |
| 33109 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5033 |
Lawyer |
I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..." |
| 33110 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5033 |
Dwight, Angela |
Joint custody |
| 33111 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5033 |
Lawyer |
Are we talking about your grandchildren? |
| 33112 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5033 |
Angela |
No. |
| 33113 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5033 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 33114 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5034 |
Angela |
Rather than spend all day in court, we've decided to settle our dispute using a mediator. It was an option spelled out in our childrearing contract. |
| 33115 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5034 |
Dwight |
Alleged contract. |
| 33116 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5034 |
Angela |
Alleged? I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over. |
| 33117 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5034 |
Dwight |
Just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you. Gyah! See, don't even need to make contact. The law will do it. |
| 33118 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5035 |
Dwight |
So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point "B", uh... the beet juice cleanse? |
| 33119 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5035 |
Angela |
I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting. |
| 33120 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5035 |
Dwight |
How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample. |
| 33121 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5035 |
Angela |
Dwight, look at my teeth. |
| 33122 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5035 |
Dwight |
Eughh. |
| 33123 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Andy |
No secret crying. Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there. |
| 33124 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Pam |
Could he still be seeing her? |
| 33125 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Phyllis |
I don't think he'd do that. |
| 33126 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Jim |
So we're gonna say the most likely scenerio is that Michael matured overnight? |
| 33127 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Andy |
Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in Big. |
| 33128 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5036 |
Jim |
Exactly. It happened in Big. |
| 33129 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
No, I gotta go. Text me later. |
| 33130 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Jim |
I'm really too tired to do this. |
| 33131 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
Me too! |
| 33132 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Jim |
Then let's just not do this. Do you have any idea the risks involved? |
| 33133 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
Hey Michael. |
| 33134 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 33135 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby. |
| 33136 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Jim |
We can order in from Hooters. |
| 33137 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
Oh, Hooters to go. Nice. |
| 33138 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
We can watch a movie and play Rock Band. |
| 33139 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Jim |
Billy Joel Rock Band. |
| 33140 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
That... exists? |
| 33141 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 33142 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer. |
| 33143 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Pam |
Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna? |
| 33144 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
Okay, Pam... she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions. |
| 33145 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Phyllis |
Oh Michael. |
| 33146 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5037 |
Michael |
Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives? |
| 33147 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5038 |
Michael |
I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong. |
| 33148 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5039 |
Meredith |
That is something I would never do. |
| 33149 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5039 |
Michael |
Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith. |
| 33150 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5039 |
Meredith |
Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with. |
| 33151 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5040 |
Meredith |
I ask... everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?". |
| 33152 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers. |
| 33153 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Kelly |
Eughh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore. |
| 33154 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Ryan |
Okay. |
| 33155 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer. |
| 33156 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Andy |
How does he feel about it? |
| 33157 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. It was right under his nose. I had to tell him. |
| 33158 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Jim |
Now you're just being hurtful. |
| 33159 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
I'm sorry, it... why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat... |
| 33160 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Phyllis |
Hey! |
| 33161 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit. |
| 33162 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Andy |
Did Donna tell you that? |
| 33163 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
Real sports with Bryant Gumble. |
| 33164 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Andy |
So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy. |
| 33165 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5041 |
Michael |
You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. just sit there and think about Michael jackson. |
| 33166 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5042 |
Andy |
My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I'd so much rather play the part on stage. |
| 33167 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
So... here's the thing about infidelity. |
| 33168 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
Mm, no, when are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy. |
| 33169 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
How does that work? |
| 33170 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him. |
| 33171 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce. |
| 33172 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
I am Beyonce always. |
| 33173 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
Not this time. |
| 33174 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
Yes, I am. |
| 33175 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is. |
| 33176 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
I would love that. |
| 33177 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out. |
| 33178 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
I have work to do. |
| 33179 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Andy |
Oh, really? I thought you were the boss. |
| 33180 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5043 |
Michael |
Let's go. I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her. |
| 33181 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bum |
| 33182 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Michael |
All right, Andy, please. |
| 33183 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
Baseball! |
| 33184 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Michael |
Shh! Try not to draw attention, please. That's him. That's him. |
| 33185 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
Where? |
| 33186 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Michael |
Right there. The coach! |
| 33187 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees! |
| 33188 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Michael |
Right there. Look, look. Follow my finger. Okay? see? The grownup by the base? |
| 33189 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain. |
| 33190 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Michael |
All right. Can you just-- can you just act normal for a second, please? |
| 33191 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5044 |
Andy |
Whatever. I'm the one blending in. |
| 33192 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Gabe |
Guys? |
| 33193 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 33194 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Pam |
Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe. |
| 33195 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Gabe |
Can you two please join me in my office? Now. |
| 33196 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Pam |
You were supposed to be the Lookout. |
| 33197 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5045 |
Jim |
Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag. |
| 33198 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Gabe |
I don't wanna be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad. |
| 33199 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Jim |
Sorry about that. |
| 33200 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Pam |
So embarrassing. |
| 33201 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Gabe |
Good. Okay. End of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics. |
| 33202 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Jim |
Well, you were surprisingly restrained. |
| 33203 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Pam |
We will be well-rested tomorrow. |
| 33204 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Gabe |
Okay. That's great, actually, because I wanted to talk to you about something else. |
| 33205 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Jim |
Excellent. Go for it. |
| 33206 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Gabe |
I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. The one with the branching decision tree? I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on. Anyway, the question is, what is the best way to disseminate important information in an efficient way? |
| 33207 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5046 |
Jim |
Right? So, uh, let's uh... |
| 33208 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, a la Benjamin Button. |
| 33209 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Angela |
Same page. Go to the next one. |
| 33210 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
Same page. Just keep moving. |
| 33211 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of the matrix-- |
| 33212 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
Which we can't know. |
| 33213 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
This is essentially... |
| 33214 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
Unless we're unplugged. |
| 33215 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor. |
| 33216 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
And wake up in the future. |
| 33217 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
Which is actually pretty common. So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract. |
| 33218 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 33219 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
Look, I can't enforce that anybody have a child with anyone else. |
| 33220 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Angela |
What? |
| 33221 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Lawyer |
So essentially, this comes down to damages. Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000. |
| 33222 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5047 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 33223 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5048 |
Dwight |
I don't have $30,000 lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it. |
| 33224 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Andy |
Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play. |
| 33225 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Michael |
You have no idea what you're talking about. |
| 33226 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Andy |
I know it's like cricket. |
| 33227 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Michael |
You don't. No, no. |
| 33228 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Andy |
And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket. |
| 33229 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Michael |
You don't know. You don't-- you don't know anything. Look at him. Look at him over there. High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, why don't you wash the dishes?" "High-five, Donna." "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers?" "Hi-five. I'm taking all the credit." |
| 33230 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Andy |
Seems pretty well liked by the team. |
| 33231 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Michael |
Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary. |
| 33232 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Andy |
You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players. |
| 33233 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5049 |
Michael |
I know, I know, I know. It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism. |
| 33234 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Dwight |
$30,000? There's gotta be another way. |
| 33235 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Angela |
He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune. |
| 33236 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Dwight |
Look, I will not pay. |
| 33237 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Angela |
Well, I have an alternative. |
| 33238 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Dwight |
"Intercourse to completion. Five individual times rendered at my discretion?" |
| 33239 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Lawyer |
Look, I don't think that's actually legal. |
| 33240 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5050 |
Dwight |
Agreed. |
| 33241 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5051 |
Dwight |
Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses. |
| 33242 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Dwight |
But not in your bed. It's lumpy. |
| 33243 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Angela |
Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy. |
| 33244 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Dwight |
Fine. Five times. |
| 33245 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Lawyer |
Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution. |
| 33246 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Angela |
I want eye contact. |
| 33247 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 33248 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 33249 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Dwight |
Do you understand how rare is that in nature? |
| 33250 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5052 |
Angela |
I'm not some farm animal. |
| 33251 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Andy |
Great game, coach. |
| 33252 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Michael |
Shh! Okay, all right. Don't, don't. |
| 33253 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Andy |
You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life. |
| 33254 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Shane |
Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys. |
| 33255 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Andy |
Ha. The other guys can go die. |
| 33256 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 33257 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Andy |
Baseball! Go talk to him. |
| 33258 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5053 |
Michael |
No. God. You go talk to him. |
| 33259 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Let's go. |
| 33260 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Shane. Great game man! |
| 33261 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Do I know you? |
| 33262 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us. |
| 33263 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Are you somebody's... parents? Oh, are you guys... Kenny's dads? |
| 33264 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball. |
| 33265 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Okay. |
| 33266 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot. |
| 33267 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Okay. Let's go! |
| 33268 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage. |
| 33269 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Whoa! |
| 33270 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person. |
| 33271 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... focus here on the game. |
| 33272 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife. |
| 33273 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
Of course. Okay? I gotta... get back to this. |
| 33274 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Of course. |
| 33275 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
All right. |
| 33276 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon! |
| 33277 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Michael |
No, no, no. |
| 33278 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Come on, get over here. |
| 33279 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Michael |
I'm good. Oh, my God. |
| 33280 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Andy |
Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach. |
| 33281 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Michael |
Sorry. I got some stomach cramps. |
| 33282 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Shane |
It's all right. It's all right. Keep it going. |
| 33283 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5054 |
Michael |
Well, that was not at all what I expected. Hoo hoo! Whoo. My heart's still racing. I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond. |
| 33284 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
Okay, orange slices. There ya go. |
| 33285 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Erin |
Thanks, Michael. |
| 33286 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. Here you go! Oh! Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo hoo! |
| 33287 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Oscar |
Why would you throw something wet at me? |
| 33288 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
You love it. There ya go. |
| 33289 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Jim |
Now, were those for the team? |
| 33290 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal Hawks. |
| 33291 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Jim |
Ah. |
| 33292 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Pam |
I don't think those were yours to take. |
| 33293 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
Well, then it wouldn't be the first time I stole something away from Coach Shane. |
| 33294 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Andy |
I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior. |
| 33295 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Pam |
Did you talk to him? |
| 33296 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
I did. |
| 33297 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Pam |
You talked to the man whose wife you're having an affair with. |
| 33298 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Kevin |
Wow. That is crazy. |
| 33299 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Phyllis |
Was there a fistfight? |
| 33300 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
No. We just talked. He's very nice. |
| 33301 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Phyllis |
And it didn't change your mind. |
| 33302 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
It did not. |
| 33303 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Phyllis |
Michael, that's awful. |
| 33304 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
Isn't it? |
| 33305 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 33306 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
I'm awful, aren't I? |
| 33307 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Kevin |
Yeah. That's pretty bad. |
| 33308 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
I'm an awful guy! Ooh! |
| 33309 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Oscar |
How can you live with yourself? |
| 33310 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Michael |
I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now, I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry, I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for. |
| 33311 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5055 |
Kevin |
That is a dangerous game, friendo. |
| 33312 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Kelly |
Well, because I thought that it was a book about Anthropology the store. |
| 33313 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Ryan |
I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore. |
| 33314 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Kelly |
'Cause it's next to they baby section, okay? |
| 33315 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Ryan |
All right, that makes more sense. You should have said that at the beginning when you said, "I read a book about anthropology." |
| 33316 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Kelly |
I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now. |
| 33317 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Ryan |
I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming. |
| 33318 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Kelly |
That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday. |
| 33319 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Michael |
I don't care. I have an appetite for life! Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon. |
| 33320 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5056 |
Ryan |
Good for you, man. Good for you. |
| 33321 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5057 |
Ryan |
He takes what he wants. |
| 33322 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5058 |
Ryan |
You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you. |
| 33323 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5058 |
Erin |
What about Kelly? |
| 33324 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5058 |
Ryan |
You read my mind. |
| 33325 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5058 |
Erin |
Is this a joke? |
| 33326 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5058 |
Ryan |
Yep. |
| 33327 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5059 |
Ryan |
It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold. |
| 33328 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5059 |
Michael |
You'll learn, baby. You'll learn. |
| 33329 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5060 |
Dwight |
I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. But I don't have to give her the good stuff. Schrute sperm are strong, but they're no match for a grown Schrute man. Let's see what she gets. Aah! |
| 33330 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5061 |
Creed |
Uh, boss, we're out of paper. |
| 33331 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5061 |
Michael |
Yeah, I noticed that. |
| 33332 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5061 |
Creed |
Are you gonna add any more? |
| 33333 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5061 |
Michael |
Nope. |
| 33334 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5062 |
Creed |
He don't give an "F" about nothin'! |
| 33335 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5063 |
Michael |
I have got big balls. |
| 33336 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Pam |
I don't think I'm gonna make it. |
| 33337 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Jim |
What about an energy drink or something? |
| 33338 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Pam |
It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later. |
| 33339 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Jim |
Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it. |
| 33340 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Pam |
Well, it does and it doesn't. |
| 33341 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Darryl |
Probably shouldn't tell you this, but a lotta guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs, so... we have a place. |
| 33342 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Jim |
A place? |
| 33343 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Darryl |
A restful location. Talk to Glen. He'll take you up in the lift. |
| 33344 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Pam |
You sleep in the warehouse? |
| 33345 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Darryl |
Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. And the heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home. But as far as the rest of the office goes, it doesn't exist, okay? |
| 33346 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 33347 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Darryl |
Pam. |
| 33348 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5064 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 33349 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Phyllis |
For your signature. |
| 33350 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Michael |
Okay. Phyllis. Okay. Look at me. Phyllis, look at-- okay, that's... All right, all right. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. If you think that's going to have any effect on me, it will not. I am going to leave right now and go to a motel to meet Donna. |
| 33351 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Kevin |
Why not your condo? |
| 33352 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Michael |
Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. Like me. And like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate. |
| 33353 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Stanley |
Oh, Michael, will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind, and no one's changing their mind. |
| 33354 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Michael |
Okay, Morgan Freeman-narrating-everything. |
| 33355 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Andy |
Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to. |
| 33356 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Michael |
Nobody better try to stop me. Good. |
| 33357 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5065 |
Dwight |
I could have stopped him. |
| 33358 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Dwight |
Are you warmed up? |
| 33359 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Angela |
No. |
| 33360 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Dwight |
God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility? |
| 33361 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Angela |
What did you do to yourself? |
| 33362 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Dwight |
Never mind. Just never mind. |
| 33363 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Angela |
Well, it better work. |
| 33364 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5066 |
Dwight |
Oh, it'll work. Mm. Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract. |
| 33365 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5067 |
Michael |
How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. Like a grownup. That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or... being happy. And I picked... the... former. |
| 33366 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Reporter |
Michael Scott? |
| 33367 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 33368 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Reporter |
Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors? |
| 33369 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Michael |
Umm... I have done some very bad things, things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to... the coach and the players. And I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again. |
| 33370 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Reporter |
I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire. |
| 33371 |
6 |
25 |
The Chump |
5068 |
Michael |
Oh. Okay. I was talking about... what do-- what? What's going on? |
| 33372 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5069 |
Michael |
There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong with any Sabre printers. Case closed. Michael Scott, as seen on TV. |
| 33373 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5069 |
Todd Packer |
I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... It's Packer! |
| 33374 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5069 |
Michael |
OH! Pack Man, I thought you were a girl! |
| 33375 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5070 |
Michael |
Apparently, there are allegations that Sabre printers can cause a fire. So they asked me to give a statement to the press. I'm like, what? All right. So I do it. It's on TV last night. And it's in the paper today. And it's online. And then I call Froggy 98.7, the request line. I talk to the host about it on the air. It's like, come on, people, enough. |
| 33376 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Michael |
Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. I am officially the second-most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site. |
| 33377 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Oscar |
What's number one? |
| 33378 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Michael |
Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times. |
| 33379 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Jim |
So instead of working, you want... |
| 33380 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 33381 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 33382 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Michael |
Yes. Come on! Get it up! That's what... let's do it! |
| 33383 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Angela |
Oh, did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? It's on the same site! |
| 33384 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Phyllis |
Awww, it's kissing its mommy! |
| 33385 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Michael |
Please. |
| 33386 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5071 |
Dwight |
Michael, you have to see, this is like, the cutest thing ever. |
| 33387 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5072 |
Michael |
Really? A baby otter? Okay, um, count me in as who cares. It's not even that interesting a baby otter, it can't even stand up. It's trying to stand up... there it goes. |
| 33388 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
Howdy. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. |
| 33389 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Michael |
Jo! We were not expecting you! |
| 33390 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
'Course you all, no doubt, know why I'm here. |
| 33391 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 33392 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
Turns out our printers are famous. They're all over the news. It's an interesting story. Cheap foreign printers attacking innocent Americans. Well, actually the, the real story isn't quite as racy, but uh... let's give it a go. |
| 33393 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Kevin |
Jo, I think that I know what happened. |
| 33394 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
I'm not sure you do, teddy bear. |
| 33395 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Kevin |
Well, now I think I might not. |
| 33396 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, so we got a software patch and fixed it right up, just like that. I don't know how it works. But just as we were about to send out a letter to our affected customers, giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em, happy, but somebody here, they liked that first story better. The one where we lose half our clients for no damn good reason! Whoever it was who talked to the press, they should come forward, please. |
| 33397 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Michael |
Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office. |
| 33398 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Jo |
Can you now? |
| 33399 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Michael |
Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand. |
| 33400 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Phyllis |
Put your hand up, Norma Rae. |
| 33401 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5073 |
Andy |
If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets. |
| 33402 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5074 |
Andy |
So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today? |
| 33403 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Jo |
It's a little form, says "I did not do it." |
| 33404 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Michael |
There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like... |
| 33405 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Jo |
All that's just birthday information, Michael. |
| 33406 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Michael |
Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture. |
| 33407 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Jo |
Why don't you come with me? We'll start out with the honcho, what'cha say? |
| 33408 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5075 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 33409 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5076 |
Jo |
When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check. |
| 33410 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Jo |
So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him? |
| 33411 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Michael |
We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda. |
| 33412 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Jo |
Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay. |
| 33413 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Michael |
Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can. |
| 33414 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Jo |
Well, I guess we're all right, Michael. |
| 33415 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Michael |
I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right. |
| 33416 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Jo |
Yeah. |
| 33417 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5077 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 33418 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Nick |
Hey Dwight. |
| 33419 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Dwight |
Hey, IT guy. |
| 33420 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Nick |
Mind if I get in there for a second? |
| 33421 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Dwight |
Oh, sure thing, go ahead. |
| 33422 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Nick |
Just one... Gah! Ah! Dwight, what the hell? |
| 33423 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Dwight |
Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer? |
| 33424 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Oscar |
The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot, Big Brother. |
| 33425 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Dwight |
You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide. |
| 33426 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Kevin |
Wait, are they searching all our computers? |
| 33427 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Nick |
Yeah. I already got to yours, Kevin. |
| 33428 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5078 |
Kevin |
No, that's cool. Sometimes... sometimes I run. I'm a runner. |
| 33429 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5079 |
Angela |
Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big stupid mouth! |
| 33430 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5079 |
Michael |
Ridiculous, Angela. And like I'm going to believe one of his spermed lovers. |
| 33431 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5079 |
Phyllis |
Look, he's been complaining about this for a while, it's not crazy. |
| 33432 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Jo |
Okay Dwight. |
| 33433 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Dwight |
Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... You should fire the following people. |
| 33434 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Jo |
Well, I'm inclined to believe you. |
| 33435 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Dwight |
Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams? |
| 33436 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Jo |
Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy... you turning that money into more money? |
| 33437 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Dwight |
Are you referring to alchemy? |
| 33438 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Jo |
I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy. |
| 33439 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Dwight |
I'm not dumb. I'm smart. |
| 33440 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5080 |
Jo |
Well, buy property. That's my advice. |
| 33441 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
Is there something that you would like to say to me? |
| 33442 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
Uh... |
| 33443 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
About talking to the press? |
| 33444 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
I, I didn't know. I didn't do that! |
| 33445 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 33446 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
Okay? I, I... didn't do it. |
| 33447 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
I don't believe you. |
| 33448 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet. |
| 33449 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
That's a little much. All right, all right, all right. |
| 33450 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
I don't care, that's how much I swear! |
| 33451 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Michael |
Okay, I believe you, I believe you. |
| 33452 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5081 |
Andy |
I don't know who's giving Darryl any crap. He was more bothered about it than me. |
| 33453 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Michael |
Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire? |
| 33454 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I did. I, I was talking to this girl at a bar. |
| 33455 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no, no... |
| 33456 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Darryl |
I think she could... sense my sadness, and I, and I found out too late that she... she's the copy editor at the Trib. |
| 33457 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Michael |
Oh my god. Was she cute? |
| 33458 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 33459 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5082 |
Michael |
Oh, god, Darryl! |
| 33460 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5083 |
Michael |
I basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it, and then I find out that one of my best ones did. And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is. |
| 33461 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Jo |
Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was. |
| 33462 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Toby |
Well, that's... |
| 33463 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Jo |
And we didn't find anything on your computer. |
| 33464 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Toby |
Good. |
| 33465 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Jo |
Except this. |
| 33466 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Toby |
Oh, wow, this is, uh, just a mystery novel that I've been working on. |
| 33467 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Jo |
I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid? |
| 33468 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Toby |
Oh, uh, I don't know, uh... |
| 33469 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Jo |
The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder. |
| 33470 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5084 |
Toby |
Oh... yes. |
| 33471 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5085 |
Toby |
Write your own damn novel. |
| 33472 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
It was me. |
| 33473 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
What was you? You were the leak? |
| 33474 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
Okay. I'm talking to this woman at daycare... |
| 33475 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
Uh-huh. |
| 33476 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
She's telling me about all her amazing trip to Vietnam, I have nothing. I tell her our printers catch on fire, spontaneously! |
| 33477 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
Why'd you do that? |
| 33478 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
Her husband's a reporter. |
| 33479 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 33480 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
So now everyone hates Andy, and it's this whole mess, and I don't know what to do. |
| 33481 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
Okay, just relax. Just need to relax. |
| 33482 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Pam |
I could tell Jo... or I could tell Michael. |
| 33483 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5086 |
Jim |
This is a very good idea. This is good. Let's get all the bad ideas out now. Flush them out. |
| 33484 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5087 |
Michael |
You leaked it? |
| 33485 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5087 |
Pam |
I don't know what to do! Do I go tell Jo, or - I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person! |
| 33486 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5087 |
Michael |
I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh god... my mind is going a mile an hour. |
| 33487 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5087 |
Pam |
That fast? |
| 33488 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5087 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 33489 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5088 |
Michael |
Two whistleblowers... two! I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said. |
| 33490 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5089 |
Pam |
Yeah? I weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me. |
| 33491 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5089 |
Michael |
So see you in Meredith's van in five minutes. |
| 33492 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5089 |
Pam |
Yeah, you didn't need to actually say it. |
| 33493 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Pam |
I have never seen so many parking tickets. |
| 33494 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Darryl |
All right, this is just messed up. |
| 33495 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Michael |
No, you know what's messed up? This situation all up in here is what's messed up! We need to brainstorm, we need to get out of this! Brain hurricane. Come on, think. |
| 33496 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Darryl |
All right. |
| 33497 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Michael |
What do we got? |
| 33498 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Pam |
Um... |
| 33499 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Kelly |
Hey guys, sorry I'm late. |
| 33500 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Pam |
We're not going for yogurt. |
| 33501 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Michael |
It's okay, she's cool, she also whistle-blew. |
| 33502 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Kelly |
Guys, I couldn't help it, it is so boring where we work. I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. It might be less interesting than a morgue. |
| 33503 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5090 |
Michael |
Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue. |
| 33504 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5091 |
Kelly |
Of course I'm the leak! I think I Tweeted it! I can't control what I say to people, I spend the whole day talking! I mean, I video chat, I Skype, I text, I Tweet, I phone, I Woof... |
| 33505 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5092 |
Ryan |
Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But, look, why tell you when I can show you. I just sent myself a Woof. |
| 33506 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5092 |
Erin |
Ryan, you have a Woof on line 1. |
| 33507 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5092 |
Ryan |
Thank you, Erin. Woof! |
| 33508 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Michael |
Okay, here's what we do. I say we just smash all the computers. We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case. |
| 33509 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Pam |
Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers? |
| 33510 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Michael |
No. Okay, not all the computers, just our computers. |
| 33511 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Kelly |
That idea sucks. |
| 33512 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Pam |
I don't think that's a good idea. |
| 33513 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Michael |
Just don't say no. |
| 33514 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Darryl |
Michael, you know you don't have to turn us all in. All you need is one scapegoat. |
| 33515 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Kelly |
Uh, if you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl. |
| 33516 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Michael |
That's just what we need, another black man in prison. You know, let's just... |
| 33517 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Pam |
Nobody's going to prison, okay? Um... all right, Michael, you need to convince Jo to go easy on us. And then we'll all confess once we know our jobs are safe. |
| 33518 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5093 |
Michael |
Okay. You can count on me. |
| 33519 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5094 |
Dwight |
Let me give you a hand. |
| 33520 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5094 |
Toby |
I'm hungry. |
| 33521 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5094 |
Dwight |
Ready? Got it? Oh shoot. Got it? Dwight Schrute. |
| 33522 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5094 |
Realtor |
The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office. |
| 33523 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5094 |
Dwight |
Basement office? You mean like a lair? |
| 33524 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5095 |
Michael |
Hey Jo. |
| 33525 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5095 |
Jo |
Michael. |
| 33526 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5095 |
Michael |
I was thinking about our little leak problem. I was up all lunch thinking about what we should do to this individual. You know what I think we should do? We make 'em come to work, and we work 'em, and we make 'em sit next to all the people they screwed over. And, and we pay 'em but we make 'em feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, do we give them a Christmas bonus? I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after they're back in the thick of it. |
| 33527 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5095 |
Jo |
Michael Scott... what do you know? |
| 33528 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5095 |
Michael |
What? |
| 33529 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Michael |
It doesn't matter what I know. |
| 33530 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Jo |
If it doesn't matter, then tell me. |
| 33531 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 33532 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Jo |
Because I want to deal with it the way I deal with it. |
| 33533 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Michael |
Well, deal with this. |
| 33534 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Jo |
Empathize with me for a moment. I came up here with a big problem, and now I got a branch manager who's giving me the silent treatment... Speak to me... speak. Come with me. |
| 33535 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5096 |
Michael |
What? |
| 33536 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5097 |
Gabe |
Are you leaving? Oh, am I... should I continue with the investigation? |
| 33537 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5098 |
Michael |
Are you going to kill me? |
| 33538 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5098 |
Jo |
Hahahahahaha. |
| 33539 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5099 |
Realtor |
I just need you to come by later and sign a few forms. |
| 33540 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5099 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 33541 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5099 |
Realtor |
What time works for you? Mr. Schrute, what time works? |
| 33542 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5099 |
Dwight |
Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at seventeen twenty-five Slough Avenue. Make 'em an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, low ball them. Don't call me 'til you have it. |
| 33543 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5099 |
Realtor |
But... |
| 33544 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5100 |
Michael |
Are we going some place far away? I know you said no questions, but... I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police. |
| 33545 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Creed |
I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you. |
| 33546 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Gabe |
All right. Uh, Stan, you're up. |
| 33547 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Stanley |
It wasn't me. |
| 33548 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Gabe |
What a rich timbre your voice has. Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation. And... you did it. |
| 33549 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Andy |
What? Based on what? |
| 33550 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Gabe |
Uh, just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you. Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now, and sit with it, see how it feels? |
| 33551 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Dwight |
All right. Sounds good. |
| 33552 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Jim |
Guys, I think that seems a little unfair. I mean, I feel like we don't definitely know it was Andy. |
| 33553 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Andy |
Yeah. You know, I mean, for all we know it could have been... Jim. |
| 33554 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5101 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 33555 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Michael. |
| 33556 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
I have rights. |
| 33557 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Let's just talk. |
| 33558 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
I am not going to tell you anything. |
| 33559 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Honey, you don't seem like your normal self. |
| 33560 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch. |
| 33561 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Mama Jo knew there was something up. |
| 33562 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down. |
| 33563 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Oh, I hate that. |
| 33564 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
And my new favorite restaurant sucks... I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly. |
| 33565 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Jo |
Who's Holly? |
| 33566 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5102 |
Michael |
Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down. |
| 33567 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5103 |
Kevin |
Well, I think that the real question is: Who is the whistleblower? |
| 33568 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5103 |
Dwight |
Oh, just... |
| 33569 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5104 |
David Wallace |
I may have heard from an old client, and I may have immediately started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about Suck It. Suck it. |
| 33570 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Andy |
Gabe, I told you all about the printers. |
| 33571 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Jim |
I mean, it could be you, Gabe. I mean, that's the point. |
| 33572 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Pam |
Yes, it's totally obvious. |
| 33573 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Creed |
I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. It's Angela. Get her, boys. |
| 33574 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
Hey guys, uh, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Through Teach for America, I'm going to go down to Detroit and teach, uh, inner city kids about computers. |
| 33575 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Gabe |
Uh, not now. |
| 33576 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
Oh yeah, it's just that my friends are in the car waiting, so I thought I would... |
| 33577 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Stanley |
Phyllis, what's this guy's name again? |
| 33578 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Phyllis |
I don't know, is it Shadow or Garth, it's something weird, I... |
| 33579 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
My name is Nick. |
| 33580 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Angela |
Okay, well, Nick, we're in a meeting. |
| 33581 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
Okay, look, I get it, people. I'm the lame IT guy, and everybody hates me. |
| 33582 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Jim |
Hey, listen man, you can't take it personally. |
| 33583 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
You called me man? I just said my name just now, did you forget it already? |
| 33584 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Jim |
No... sport. |
| 33585 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
You, you guys have fifteen parties a week, you can't learn my name? |
| 33586 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Siddiq, because he kept to himself, and we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what, I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner city kids use computers for two things, games and p0rn. So good luck wasting your life, lurch. |
| 33587 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Nick |
Thank you so much for that. I saw all your hard drives, and guess what? You're not a photographer. And you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! All right? And you. This guy, you're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So that's it, check it out. |
| 33588 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5105 |
Andy |
You're going to believe that guy? |
| 33589 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Jo |
When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me. |
| 33590 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Michael |
Hmm, hmm. |
| 33591 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Jo |
I, did I sell cheap printers? I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie. |
| 33592 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Michael |
You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you. |
| 33593 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Jo |
Oh honey, surely you don't want that. |
| 33594 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5106 |
Michael |
I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. You were playing too. |
| 33595 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5107 |
Dwight |
I'm about to buy this building, you know. |
| 33596 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5107 |
Hank |
You don't say? I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. |
| 33597 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5107 |
Dwight |
Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you... enjoy that chair for now... 'cause pretty soon, you will be on your feet, at Buckingham Palace. |
| 33598 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5108 |
Andy |
Hey Phyllis, have you seen my bag? |
| 33599 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5108 |
Phyllis |
You deserve it. |
| 33600 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5109 |
Andy |
Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down, and children to die. Does that make me a hero? I... |
| 33601 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5109 |
Kevin |
No, it does not! |
| 33602 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5109 |
Andy |
Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either. |
| 33603 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5109 |
Angela |
It does! |
| 33604 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5110 |
Erin |
Andy? |
| 33605 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5110 |
Andy |
Hey. |
| 33606 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5110 |
Erin |
I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you to go to the press. |
| 33607 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5110 |
Andy |
Uh, thanks. Yeah, you know, just seemed like the right thing to do. |
| 33608 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5110 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 33609 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5111 |
Michael |
We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions? |
| 33610 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Jo |
Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there. |
| 33611 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Michael |
That was fun. |
| 33612 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Jo |
I hope your rough patch ends soon. |
| 33613 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Michael |
Thanks. Today helped. |
| 33614 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Jo |
Well, give me a shout if I can brighten your life. |
| 33615 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Michael |
Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. |
| 33616 |
6 |
26 |
Whistleblower |
5112 |
Jo |
Let me see what I can do. |
| 33617 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Stanley |
You fallin' behind. |
| 33618 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Ryan |
Wuphf.com! |
| 33619 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Kelly |
Ryan, we're doing the dance! |
| 33620 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Ryan |
This is how you build a business. This is how you make it in this country. |
| 33621 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Creed |
You got Creed. |
| 33622 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Ryan |
#NAME? |
| 33623 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Kelly |
You make it so hard to love you sometimes. |
| 33624 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Stanley |
Still behind. |
| 33625 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Angela |
I said I didn't want to be on the internet! |
| 33626 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Andy |
Go, go, go, go! |
| 33627 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
All |
Streamers! |
| 33628 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Dwight |
Hiya! Ha! |
| 33629 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Phyllis |
Dwight! |
| 33630 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Stanley |
Are you crazy? |
| 33631 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Andy |
Toby, how did we do? |
| 33632 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Toby |
Well, that was better. |
| 33633 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5113 |
Andy |
Whoo! We did it! |
| 33634 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5114 |
Michael |
I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw 'Inception.' Or at least I dreamt I did. |
| 33635 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Andy |
Brocolli Rob, obviously, will be there. |
| 33636 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Erin |
Yes, of course. |
| 33637 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Andy |
And JC. We call him Blorville, because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher. |
| 33638 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Erin |
Who's the guy who invented the peanut? |
| 33639 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Gabe |
Hey, guys. |
| 33640 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Andy |
Hey! |
| 33641 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Gabe |
Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. |
| 33642 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Andy |
Not at all. |
| 33643 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5115 |
Gabe |
I'm gonna head back to Siberia there. Ciao. |
| 33644 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5116 |
Gabe |
I started dating Erin this summer. It has been, in a word, exquisite. |
| 33645 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5117 |
Erin |
Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn't have to, but... it's been great. |
| 33646 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5118 |
Andy |
Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe. |
| 33647 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Pam |
Hey. What are you doing? |
| 33648 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Dwight |
From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack. |
| 33649 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Kevin |
Well, what if you're cold? |
| 33650 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Dwight |
Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, OK? I'm too busy. |
| 33651 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear. |
| 33652 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5119 |
Dwight |
Jim, you have one job to do. And you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration. |
| 33653 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5120 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list. |
| 33654 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5121 |
Kelly |
This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" And I'd be like, "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah," giving you the exact right answer. |
| 33655 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5122 |
Luke |
Coffee Monkey's arrived. |
| 33656 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5122 |
Oscar |
The coffee's supposed to be here at 9. |
| 33657 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5122 |
Luke |
Here you go, Big O. Tiny. Darryl Hannah. |
| 33658 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5122 |
Darryl |
It says decaf. You get me decaf? |
| 33659 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5122 |
Luke |
Ooh, yeah. Must've been some sort of mix-up there. You could just drink it, or I could drive all the way back? |
| 33660 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5123 |
Darryl |
My summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're going to get out of Afghanistan. I hate the new assistant. He's only been here for a week, and I hate him. |
| 33661 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5124 |
Andy |
New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father. |
| 33662 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5125 |
Luke |
My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and The Boondock Saints. |
| 33663 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5126 |
Andy |
That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael. |
| 33664 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5126 |
Michael |
He's not the worst, okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy-remember? Eeeh! That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. Ah! It's not cappuccino. |
| 33665 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5126 |
Oscar |
He messed yours up to. |
| 33666 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5126 |
Darryl |
He's got to go, Mike. |
| 33667 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5126 |
Michael |
It's just coffee, guys! But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay? |
| 33668 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Jim |
Wow, that's a lot of keys. |
| 33669 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Dwight |
The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man. |
| 33670 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Jim |
That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back. |
| 33671 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Dwight |
Where? |
| 33672 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Jim |
I think they run through these panels and then down under the map. I wouldn't know for sure cause I don't have a trained ear. That's why I have to use one of these. |
| 33673 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Dwight |
Give me that. |
| 33674 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Jim |
Yep. Wait, and this. |
| 33675 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 33676 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5127 |
Jim |
Go get 'em. |
| 33677 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5128 |
Jim |
What happened to me this summer? Dwight bought the building, so actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life. |
| 33678 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Dwight |
Hey, what's so funny over here? Ha. Very nice. Give me my keys. Ha. Ha. Not. Funny. Jim. |
| 33679 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Pam |
Sorry. |
| 33680 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Jim |
Oh, no. Don't worry about it. I was just gonna put a couple keys on it every day until Christmas. Then his pants would have fallen down, which was a little gift to me, but... |
| 33681 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Pam |
It was really funny. |
| 33682 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Jim |
Well, it would have been. So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert. |
| 33683 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5129 |
Pam |
I love you. |
| 33684 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Phyllis |
Luke? Luke! |
| 33685 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Luke |
What's up, Venus? |
| 33686 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Phyllis |
Did you send those samples to Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday? Because he didn't get 'em. |
| 33687 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Luke |
Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. Yeah, strawberries are ripe. |
| 33688 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Meredith |
Hey, turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp. |
| 33689 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Luke |
You don't have to yell. |
| 33690 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Michael |
Okay, rude. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me. |
| 33691 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Luke |
What for? |
| 33692 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5130 |
Michael |
To get some ice cream for everybody. It's national ice cream afternoon. Great. |
| 33693 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5131 |
Michael |
And another thing I did this summer, I hired my nephew. |
| 33694 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5132 |
Michael |
Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years a- 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of 'Ace Ventura II' and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest. |
| 33695 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Don't bother Luke. |
| 33696 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Pam |
Why is there a circle with a line through it? |
| 33697 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam? |
| 33698 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke. |
| 33699 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
No, it... Yes, okay, right. All right, yep. My bad. I got it. Here we go. |
| 33700 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Darryl |
Don't don't bother Luke. Got it. |
| 33701 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Come on. Okay, um... That's as clear as I can make it. |
| 33702 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Phyllis |
Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it. |
| 33703 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us. |
| 33704 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Dwight |
Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe? |
| 33705 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Gabe |
That'd be hilarious. Uh, "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop 'em." |
| 33706 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Nope, it won't be Gabe but actually, there is somebody in the office that is very, very close to Luke. |
| 33707 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Dwight |
How close? |
| 33708 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. Is that close enough for you? |
| 33709 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Dwight |
Yes. Of course. |
| 33710 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Toby |
Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related. |
| 33711 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
No. No, Toby. He's not. Yes he is. He's my nephew. |
| 33712 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
All |
What? |
| 33713 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Luke is my nephew. |
| 33714 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Oscar |
Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew. |
| 33715 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing. |
| 33716 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Darryl |
What's wrong with a level playing field? |
| 33717 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Michael |
Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe. |
| 33718 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5133 |
Jim |
Oh, man, so many points being made. |
| 33719 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5134 |
Creed |
I couldn't care less about nepotism. But, I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat. |
| 33720 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son. |
| 33721 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Erin |
That's a really tight argument. |
| 33722 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 33723 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Jim |
But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus. |
| 33724 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't? |
| 33725 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Oscar |
This is hypothetical. We're talking about Luke who happens to be terrible. |
| 33726 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does! |
| 33727 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Kelly |
I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. So, thank you. |
| 33728 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Oscar |
If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret? |
| 33729 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
Because I wanted you to come to me and say, "Wow, he is so great." And I was gonna say, "Well, it's in the genes." And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them, right? No. But you ruined it. So, thank you very much. Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew. Hey, there he is. |
| 33730 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Erin |
Hey! Ice cream afternoon! |
| 33731 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Michael |
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! |
| 33732 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Kevin |
Wait, soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream? |
| 33733 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Pam |
Or enough for everyone? |
| 33734 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Luke |
No, man. There was no list. Uh, but I got bagel chips. |
| 33735 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Oscar |
Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips. |
| 33736 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5135 |
Andy |
Clutch cream run, bro. |
| 33737 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5136 |
Pam |
Get whatever you want, on me. |
| 33738 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5136 |
Jim |
You really think you can make it up to me with food? |
| 33739 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5136 |
Pam |
I don't know. That usually works. |
| 33740 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5137 |
Pam |
I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, so he's become a monster. I need to make this right. |
| 33741 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Angela |
I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car. |
| 33742 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what? Just -just back off! Back off! |
| 33743 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Phyllis |
Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. He never bothered to send them. |
| 33744 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store. |
| 33745 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Jim |
Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. And then I remembered having a conversation with him where he was like, "I don't own an Ebay store," so... |
| 33746 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
Ok, ok. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project. |
| 33747 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Oscar |
Oh sure, those are the expense reports that corporate was waiting for yesterday. |
| 33748 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Stanley |
Let's just make this kid open this damn car. |
| 33749 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Erin |
Oh my gosh, those are the pants he wanted to return to Talbots. |
| 33750 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway. |
| 33751 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Andy |
You get that kid to open this car, or I'm gonna do it myself... by calling Tripple A. |
| 33752 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
Wait a minute. |
| 33753 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Meredith |
I'm in. |
| 33754 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
Don't-all right. Well, ok, you've just committed a felony. |
| 33755 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Oscar |
Yep, here they are. |
| 33756 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Phyllis |
Yep, I just lost a client cause I swore I sent these samples on time. |
| 33757 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Andy |
This kid's costing us sales, Michael. |
| 33758 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Erin |
I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see. |
| 33759 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5138 |
Michael |
No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit. |
| 33760 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Why is this my problem, Michael? |
| 33761 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you. |
| 33762 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Gabe |
Those overnight packages needed to go out, and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable. |
| 33763 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. Ok, educate me now why you won't fire the boy. |
| 33764 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
You don't have all the facts. |
| 33765 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Which are? |
| 33766 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
I love him. |
| 33767 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Oh, God. How far has it gone? |
| 33768 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
No. No. He's my nephew. |
| 33769 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house. |
| 33770 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool. |
| 33771 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Cover his ass like tighty-whities. |
| 33772 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Michael |
I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump. |
| 33773 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5139 |
Jo |
Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys. |
| 33774 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5140 |
Michael |
Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally he will need a little push, and I will do that, and he'll slow down, and I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other. |
| 33775 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Kevin |
Oh, yeah. This'll be easy. So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff. |
| 33776 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses "Doors closed" the doors open. Or he presses "lobby" it goes to third floor, stuff like that. Can you do that? |
| 33777 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board. |
| 33778 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Dwight is about to get so Pammed. |
| 33779 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Hey, did you SMS text message me? |
| 33780 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on. |
| 33781 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Okay, that's weird. Just hitting "door closed." What? |
| 33782 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
There we go. |
| 33783 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol. |
| 33784 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Let's just calm down. |
| 33785 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately. |
| 33786 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
I don't- |
| 33787 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Use your talons! Pry 'em open! |
| 33788 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Ok, Dwi-Oh, my God! |
| 33789 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
Well, don't look, freak! |
| 33790 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
Dwight, what are you doing!? We've only been in here for, like, two seconds! |
| 33791 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Dwight |
I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner! |
| 33792 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5141 |
Pam |
You've gotta be kidding me. |
| 33793 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. You click on that first, then a whole new-Not, no, no, no! Luke, come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head. Alright. Luke, come on. Stop it! |
| 33794 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said. |
| 33795 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Give me the pointer. |
| 33796 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
So you just want me to move it? You're being totally unclear here. I'm just gonna go ahead and move it. |
| 33797 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. Luke, seriously. |
| 33798 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
All right, fine. Fine. I'll just go. |
| 33799 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 33800 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
I'm gone. |
| 33801 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
All right. Okay. Good job. Okay, email accounts. So we're starting with account setup- |
| 33802 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Andy |
Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? I think he's burning my eye. |
| 33803 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Angela |
Michael, do something. |
| 33804 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Meredith |
Sack up, man. |
| 33805 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Okay, can I have that? |
| 33806 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
No. |
| 33807 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Ok, I am going to count down from five. |
| 33808 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Both |
Five, four... |
| 33809 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
I'm not kidding. |
| 33810 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Both |
Three, two, one. |
| 33811 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
Give-okay. Alright, give it up. |
| 33812 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
No! |
| 33813 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke! |
| 33814 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
What the? |
| 33815 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
That's what you're going to do, Luke! |
| 33816 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
What the hell was that? |
| 33817 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
I had to do that. |
| 33818 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Luke |
Hey, this! Screw it! |
| 33819 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Michael |
All right. Are we good? You're okay. He's okay. There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment. |
| 33820 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Kevin |
That was awesome! |
| 33821 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Stanley |
Texas justice. |
| 33822 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Kelly |
Yeah, your nephew is so lame. |
| 33823 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Creed |
He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean. |
| 33824 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5142 |
Jim |
You follow him on Twitter? |
| 33825 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5143 |
Creed |
Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him. |
| 33826 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5144 |
Gabe |
Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private? |
| 33827 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5144 |
Michael |
Yes, of course. What is this in reference to? |
| 33828 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Pam? |
| 33829 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
Oh, hey Jim. Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight. |
| 33830 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
I did not do this. |
| 33831 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
I know. Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video. |
| 33832 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
This is impressive. |
| 33833 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
Well, you know... they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing. |
| 33834 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Do they call you that? |
| 33835 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
They do call me that. |
| 33836 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down. |
| 33837 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. Also, there's pee on the floor. |
| 33838 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Oh! Of course there is. Hey, Chinese tonight? |
| 33839 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 33840 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 33841 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Dwight |
How ya doin'? |
| 33842 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Jim |
Pretty good. You must be almost out of water. |
| 33843 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5145 |
Pam |
Stop drinking the water! Stop! |
| 33844 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5146 |
Andy |
No, no, no, no. It's the other hand. Right hand. Yeah. |
| 33845 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5147 |
Michael |
Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. But he couldn't. These things seldom work out. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now. But, clearly, they make it work. And my hat's off to them. |
| 33846 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5148 |
Andy |
Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa. Dwight! Stop! |
| 33847 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Gabe |
Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit is to call this a stress-induced outburst. You will have to undergo six sessions of counseling. |
| 33848 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Michael |
That's it? Really? That's nothing. All right. That's highway robbery. |
| 33849 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Gabe |
Good. Well, that's the spirit. |
| 33850 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Michael |
I can do that. |
| 33851 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Gabe |
And, uh, you will do your counseling right here, because our HR staff are all certified counselors. |
| 33852 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Michael |
Okay. Wait, what? |
| 33853 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Toby |
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael. |
| 33854 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Michael |
Is there another option? |
| 33855 |
7 |
1 |
Nepotism |
5149 |
Gabe |
The alternative is termination. |
| 33856 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5150 |
Dwight |
Wow. Late every day this week. |
| 33857 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5150 |
Pam |
We signed Cici up for this daycare. It's on the other side of town. The traffic... |
| 33858 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5150 |
Dwight |
Why didn't I think of this before? Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this building? |
| 33859 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5150 |
Jim |
Is there really? |
| 33860 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5151 |
Dwight |
Now that I own the building, I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center... Ha ha ha Well I guess it's not an evil idea. It's just a regular idea. But there is no good laugh for a regular idea. |
| 33861 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for infants and toddlers. |
| 33862 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Aaah! |
| 33863 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Mose |
Aaah! |
| 33864 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
You remember my cousin Mose. |
| 33865 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Mose |
Welcome children. |
| 33866 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Pam |
Were you painting in the dark? |
| 33867 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Wait. Is this your place Dwight? |
| 33868 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Oh no. I like to think of it as a kids place. Would you like a tour? |
| 33869 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Pam |
I don't really think we need... |
| 33870 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Oh... lets take the tour Pam. |
| 33871 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 33872 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Come on. Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English... uh... letters. I see you found out magical toy box Jim. |
| 33873 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
These are actually forks and knives from the break room. |
| 33874 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Jim! To you and me, maybe, but, come on! To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and... Ms. Fork. |
| 33875 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Pam |
And a soy sauce packet. |
| 33876 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Oh! That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed. |
| 33877 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Don't beat yourself up. |
| 33878 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
We come fully equipped with a restroom. Feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant, in success. |
| 33879 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Who will be watching the children? |
| 33880 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
No one. The door locks from the outside. Escape is impossible. |
| 33881 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Prove it. |
| 33882 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 33883 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
Were going to head outside, give it a whirl. I just want to see how it works. |
| 33884 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
Oh no, no, no. |
| 33885 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Jim |
But I'll tell you this, if this works out, I think we're looking real good. |
| 33886 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5152 |
Dwight |
I promise you, that door locks! |
| 33887 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5153 |
Toby |
What's something that you... |
| 33888 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5153 |
Michael |
This is the worst! You are the worst! I hate looking at your face! I wanna smash it! |
| 33889 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5154 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what? I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad. It's over. It's done. But my punishment is ... um ... worse than hell. |
| 33890 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5155 |
Toby |
Michael has been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling with a trained professional. I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would ask a few standard questions, and check off a few boxes, but I've got a chance to do some good here. |
| 33891 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5156 |
Michael |
I know what you want to ask me. "Did your mom ever see you naked?" |
| 33892 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5156 |
Toby |
We can do this with more privacy. |
| 33893 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5156 |
Michael |
So you can molest me? Oh, ok. I don't think so. We're going to leave the blinds open so every one can see what a big failure you are. That's the key. |
| 33894 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Dwight |
Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall! |
| 33895 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Phyllis |
The mall itself or just the stores in the mall? |
| 33896 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Dwight |
All of it! The mall, the stores, the kiosks! |
| 33897 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Ryan |
America is one big mall. |
| 33898 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Jim |
Did something happen Dwight? |
| 33899 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Dwight |
Yeah, something happened. Oh yeah, something happened, Jim. |
| 33900 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Andy |
Well, tell us what it is. I mean, it would help us to get some context so we can get on board. |
| 33901 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5157 |
Dwight |
You don't want to know. |
| 33902 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5158 |
Toby |
I'd like you to imagine a place where you feel very peaceful. For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop to my car after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons. |
| 33903 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5159 |
Phyllis |
I'm glad Michael is getting help. He as a lot of issues, and he's stupid. |
| 33904 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Pam |
Look, I'm not going to tell you that we have lower prices. Is price something that is important to you? Ok, well let me know if anything changes. |
| 33905 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Jim |
Pam? |
| 33906 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Pam |
I can't do this. I don't have this sales gene, or whatever it is. Tell me everything is going to be ok. |
| 33907 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Jim |
Everything is going to be ok. |
| 33908 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Pam |
Tell me I'm good at sales. |
| 33909 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5160 |
Jim |
You're good... you're good at sales. |
| 33910 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5161 |
Pam |
The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So, you suck at sales, you make almost no money. I guess that's fair. |
| 33911 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Andy |
Dwight? |
| 33912 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 33913 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Andy |
Did you call all of my clients at the mall and cancel all my business while using the "F" word? |
| 33914 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Dwight |
Yes I did. And I'm going to do the same with all of your clients. |
| 33915 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Stanley |
No you will not. |
| 33916 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Dwight |
Oh yes I will! That mall is corrupt, ok! They're "appearance"ists! |
| 33917 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Jim |
Ok, Dwight. We can't do that. So why don't you just tell us what happened? |
| 33918 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Pam |
Yeah, what happened Dwight? |
| 33919 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 33920 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Dwight |
You guys know me. You know that I'm not one for fancy things, but there was this one thing. It was in a fancy store. And it caught the corner of my eye when I took Mose down to the Mall to get his blood pressure at the Rite-Aid. And I thought, you know, maybe I deserve this. You know, I had a great crop yield this fall... |
| 33921 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Pam |
So what happened? |
| 33922 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Dwight |
I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer, and they looked right at me, and then they looked away. And then I pressed the buzzer again, and they started taking pictures of me on their mobile phones. I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough for precious heirlooms. |
| 33923 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Kelly |
You know what Dwight? You need to go back there, and you need to "Pretty Woman" their asses. |
| 33924 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Creed |
We should start our own mall! |
| 33925 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Erin |
Yeah! |
| 33926 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Jim |
Wait, wait, wait. That's actually a really good idea Kelly. |
| 33927 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5162 |
Kelly |
What did I say? |
| 33928 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5163 |
Kelly |
I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out. |
| 33929 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5164 |
Jim |
Dwight, how about this? Instead of boycotting, you and I, together, go down to that store and we teach those snobs a lesson. |
| 33930 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5164 |
Andy |
No, you and I... and I. I'm going to come with you. |
| 33931 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5164 |
Dwight |
Ok |
| 33932 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5164 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 33933 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5165 |
Andy |
Did you assume that I would automatically side with the rich snobby shop owner? How about now? How about now? How about now? |
| 33934 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Toby |
Uh... what was your favorite flavor of... |
| 33935 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Michael |
One hour. |
| 33936 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Toby |
What? |
| 33937 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Michael |
One hour. We've done one hour. Let's just speed this up, ok? Keep it moving. I want to do all six hours today. |
| 33938 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Toby |
Ok, I can't count the hour if you don't talk. |
| 33939 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Michael |
No, no, no! I know my rights! All I had to do was sit here for six hours. Do my time. |
| 33940 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Toby |
Michael, it's up to me to check off the boxes, and I can't do that unless I honestly... |
| 33941 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Michael |
You know, do you have any idea how angry this is making me? |
| 33942 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5166 |
Toby |
Tell me! |
| 33943 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5167 |
Toby |
I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere. |
| 33944 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5168 |
Michael |
Yes, I will. I will talk alright. Be careful what you wish for Toby. |
| 33945 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Dwight |
Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980's, Beautiful Girl... |
| 33946 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Andy |
Pretty Woman. |
| 33947 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Dwight |
Apparently, it's one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this s*x worker, who is the antagonist... That can't be right. Andy? How does it...? |
| 33948 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Jim |
No, no. I want to hear you tell it. |
| 33949 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Dwight |
Ok, Um... The s*x worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the "trappings" of extravagant wealth, but instead of going... |
| 33950 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Andy |
Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she's like," I was in here yesterday and you wouldn't help me." And the shop girl goes, "ok". And Julia Roberts goes," You girls work on commission, right?" And the girl is like,"Yeah", and Julia Roberts goes... |
| 33951 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Kelly |
"Big mistake! Huge!" |
| 33952 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5169 |
Andy |
I was telling that... I was telling that. |
| 33953 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Stanley |
How many paper supplies and ink cartridges to go with that? Ok, sure. |
| 33954 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Window treatment guy |
Who can I speak to in this office about saving on window treatments? |
| 33955 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Erin |
I don't know. |
| 33956 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Window treatment guy |
Is one of you the office administrator? |
| 33957 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Pam |
I am. I am the office administrator! |
| 33958 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Window treatment guy |
Can I show you a few samples? |
| 33959 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5170 |
Pam |
Oh, we're not interested. We're not interested at all. |
| 33960 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5171 |
Pam |
There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That's the main way. But this could work. |
| 33961 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5172 |
Michael |
Toby, can I really tell you anything? |
| 33962 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5172 |
Toby |
Of course. |
| 33963 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5172 |
Michael |
Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my pen1s... I mean peas. That was weird. Aaaah... weird. I think that was ... I was probed. By an alien life form. An A.L.F. Alf, you know, I might have actually been probed by Alf. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half. But there is a lower half. |
| 33964 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
Office Administrator. So when did this happen? |
| 33965 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Pam |
A few months ago. I was talking to someone at corporate, who isn't there anymore, and I think the paperwork just got lost in the shuffle. Can you believe that? |
| 33966 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
Yeah, totally. Well, congrats! |
| 33967 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Pam |
Thanks! Yeah, so I'm just going to take care of things around the office and get paid a reasonable salary. You believe that, right? |
| 33968 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
Totally, that's great. |
| 33969 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Pam |
I get paid $40,000 per year. |
| 33970 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
Great. |
| 33971 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Pam |
Maybe $50,000. |
| 33972 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
$50,000? |
| 33973 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Pam |
No, not $50,000, $41,000, I think. $41,500. |
| 33974 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5173 |
Oscar |
That's great. |
| 33975 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Jim |
Before me stands your coworker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight, show them all sides. Turn around. Now, today, we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman. |
| 33976 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Andy |
A gentleman who is a rich snob who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes. |
| 33977 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Stanley |
Is he still doing his boycott? |
| 33978 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Jim |
No, this is instead of the boycott. Yeah? |
| 33979 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Kelly |
You shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo. |
| 33980 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Jim |
Agreed. |
| 33981 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 33982 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Oscar |
Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching. |
| 33983 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
Wait. Less matching to appear more rich? |
| 33984 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Ryan |
The glasses are a little... |
| 33985 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Pam |
I liked them. |
| 33986 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Kelly |
I thought they were kind of cute. |
| 33987 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Ryan |
Yeah, I liked them too. |
| 33988 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
I can't see. |
| 33989 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Darryl |
Say stuff like, "Good morning, Good Afternoon". People appreciate that. |
| 33990 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
Wait, I see you every day. Can I say "Good month?" |
| 33991 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Darryl |
I'm telling you how to do this man. |
| 33992 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Andy |
If someone offers you a cocktail, accept, but keep your wits about you. |
| 33993 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Angel |
Please and thank you go a long way. |
| 33994 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
Copy. Thank you. |
| 33995 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 33996 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Dwight |
Please. |
| 33997 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5174 |
Andy |
I think he's got it! |
| 33998 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5175 |
Michael |
And I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight? |
| 33999 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5175 |
Toby |
Come on Michael. Those are all fake stories. |
| 34000 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5175 |
Michael |
Yes, Yes. They are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours. We're half way done. |
| 34001 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5175 |
Toby |
Oh. |
| 34002 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Pam |
Hey, do you have a second? |
| 34003 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Gabe |
Yeah. |
| 34004 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Pam |
Well, as I am sure you know, for the past few months, I've been the Office Administrator. Since right before you guys took over. |
| 34005 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Gabe |
Right, of course! |
| 34006 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Pam |
And, I haven't gotten paid yet. I'm not blaming you. |
| 34007 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Gabe |
Thank you so much. |
| 34008 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Pam |
I just think somebody lost the paperwork. |
| 34009 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Gabe |
Oh boy. Can you get every department head's signature on this so I can back this up to corporate? |
| 34010 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5176 |
Pam |
Yes. Absolutely. Right away. |
| 34011 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5177 |
Toby |
You know what Michael? You're right. You win. This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere. I got a bunch of fun stuff, in case my daughter ever comes over. Why don't we just run out the clock by playing games, drawing some pictures, talking? |
| 34012 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5178 |
Jim |
We present to you for your comments and approval, Dwight K. Shrute. |
| 34013 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5178 |
Phyllis |
Go get 'em Dwight. |
| 34014 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5178 |
Jim |
Wish us luck! |
| 34015 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5178 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 34016 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5178 |
Erin |
Dwight |
| 34017 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5179 |
Erin |
Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important even that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But I don't care if I forget today. |
| 34018 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Toby |
We can play something more complicated if you like. |
| 34019 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Michael |
This is plenty complicated. |
| 34020 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Toby |
So you have played it before? |
| 34021 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Michael |
I've played it once or twice with Jeff. |
| 34022 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Toby |
Who's Jeff? |
| 34023 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Michael |
Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, who she married. |
| 34024 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Toby |
So, her husband, your stepdad? |
| 34025 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Michael |
Yeah, Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though. |
| 34026 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Toby |
Did you guys do much stuff together? |
| 34027 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5180 |
Michael |
Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn't able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager. |
| 34028 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5181 |
Toby |
It's working. I'm doing it! |
| 34029 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5182 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 34030 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5182 |
Angela |
My place tonight. Wear this. |
| 34031 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5182 |
Dwight |
Do you have your card? |
| 34032 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5182 |
Angela |
Yes. Don't forget the pipe. |
| 34033 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
Its really sad that your dog ran away. Why did it keep you from going to the park? |
| 34034 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
I was afraid I would find him in the park, playing with another kid. |
| 34035 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
Why? |
| 34036 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place. To find a kid he liked better. |
| 34037 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
Dogs don't do that. |
| 34038 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
Right. Why would a dog do that? That's silly. |
| 34039 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
I don't know. |
| 34040 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
When I hear myself say it, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never said it out loud, so... |
| 34041 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it? |
| 34042 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
Well, lets not get too... This isn't a counseling session... Ok. Son of a gun. Son of a bitch. Wow! Ok. |
| 34043 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
I'm just trying to help you Michael. |
| 34044 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
You. Bitch. God! You're very helpful aren't you? You try to help everybody. Do you want to play another game? |
| 34045 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
I just want to... |
| 34046 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
You are good. But you know what? You can't help people. You couldn't help your marriage. You lose. I don't need your help. Nobody needs your help. Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. I don't need your help! Am I going to make you cry? |
| 34047 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
Just fill them out any way you want. |
| 34048 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 34049 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Toby |
I'll have Erin fax them back to corporate. |
| 34050 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5183 |
Michael |
You'll do. . . ok. Filled out. Good. Thank you doctor. Take two of these and call me in the morning. |
| 34051 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5184 |
Pam |
Hey Michael, um... about three months ago, I was talking to... |
| 34052 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5185 |
Pam |
There are a lot of one person departments here, so, there's a lot of department heads. But I'm off to a good start. Oh, man! If I could pull this off, it will be scam of all scams. And yet very helpful to everyone. |
| 34053 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Gabe |
So, Corporate got your evaluations, and they want me to check, is that really how you feel about Michaels situation? |
| 34054 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 34055 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Gabe |
That is not how it seems to me. |
| 34056 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Toby |
He seems fine. |
| 34057 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Gabe |
You marked severe in all the categories, including at risk for homicidal behavior. |
| 34058 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5186 |
Toby |
Heh. |
| 34059 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Darryl |
I saw a TLC show on Kate Walsh's home office. All corkboard. |
| 34060 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Pam |
We can do that. |
| 34061 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Darryl |
Right in here? |
| 34062 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Pam |
Easily. |
| 34063 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Gabe |
I'm back! Ha ha. Pam, perfect. I was hoping to talk to the office administrator about a little office administration problem. |
| 34064 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Pam |
But of course! |
| 34065 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5187 |
Gabe |
Great. |
| 34066 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
The problem, unfortunately, is about the office administrator. I have gone through everything for the past three years. There is nothing that says you are the office administrator. |
| 34067 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
So weird that there is no paperwork. |
| 34068 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
At all. |
| 34069 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Although, like, unlikely things happen all the time. My best friend, in High School, she went to Australia, Canberra I think, and she met this guy who lived only two streets away in America. |
| 34070 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything. I just want everything to be back the way it's supposed to be. Can you just admit... admit... |
| 34071 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Admit what? |
| 34072 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
I don't want to say it. |
| 34073 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Say it. |
| 34074 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
Mm-hmm. |
| 34075 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Say that I'm lying or say that I have the job. Make a definitive statement, Gabe. |
| 34076 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
Statements of such nature, while they have their place, are overused in a competitive business environment. |
| 34077 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Great. Well, Let me know if you need a new chair, or anything that an Office Administrator can handle. |
| 34078 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
Will do... Can I get one of those name plates... that says Gabe Lewis? |
| 34079 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
Sure. Anything else? |
| 34080 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Gabe |
Nope. |
| 34081 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5188 |
Pam |
I'll get it right away. |
| 34082 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5189 |
Pam |
The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2:00 AM, you play the opponent. Not the cards. |
| 34083 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
Is that what you were here for? A crystal wizard? I like it. |
| 34084 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
It is a pewter wizard holding a crystal. |
| 34085 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
Wait a second. You know you can't buy that now, right? And I can come back and get it for you later. But I'm saying right now, we can't do that. |
| 34086 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
Because I'm here for one thing. Revenge. |
| 34087 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
That's it. |
| 34088 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
Let me know if I can help you with anything. |
| 34089 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
Excuse me sir. |
| 34090 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
Yes? |
| 34091 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me. |
| 34092 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
I remember, yes. I'm terribly sorry about that. |
| 34093 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
You work on commission, don't you? |
| 34094 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
Stop, stop, stop. |
| 34095 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
No, we don't. |
| 34096 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
Did you just say you remember him? |
| 34097 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
Of course, but he looks much less threatening now. |
| 34098 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
What does that mean? |
| 34099 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
We had a safety concern. Um... we very politely indicated that he'd be welcome back... |
| 34100 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
Good Morning! |
| 34101 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
If he were in accordance with our dress policy. |
| 34102 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 34103 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
But the blood stained hands... |
| 34104 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
It was beet juice! I am a beet farmer idi... |
| 34105 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
I'm very sorry. |
| 34106 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
Good sir. I happen to have been working a very long day. When I came to you fine establishment. You are such a... I'm gonna... Ok. Listen. You can't treat... Thank you! Good morning sir! |
| 34107 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
Lets just go. |
| 34108 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
You made a big mistake. Huge! |
| 34109 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
There it is. Alright. |
| 34110 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
Aaah! |
| 34111 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Jim |
That's pretty good. |
| 34112 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Andy |
After you. |
| 34113 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Dwight |
I'll take the wizard! |
| 34114 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5190 |
Salesman |
Oh, ok! |
| 34115 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Michael |
You forged them! You forged the forms! |
| 34116 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Toby |
You filled them in and faxed them yourself! |
| 34117 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 34118 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Toby |
You remember that. |
| 34119 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Michael |
Yes, but you had me so worked up that I made a mistake. |
| 34120 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Toby |
Unless part of you made that mistake on purpose. |
| 34121 |
7 |
2 |
Counseling |
5191 |
Michael |
You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby! Then it is no longer a mistake... Gabe. He messed it up. He messed up the forms, I bet... "I mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job! Bah! Good thing I'm here cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous!" Ah, ok. Got your notebook? Alright. Alright, lets bang this out. Let's do it to it! |
| 34122 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Erin |
Andy? |
| 34123 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Jim |
Yes! |
| 34124 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Erin |
Did you write this? |
| 34125 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Andy |
No. |
| 34126 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Erin |
Who did? |
| 34127 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Andy |
Steven Sondheim. |
| 34128 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Erin |
Who is he? |
| 34129 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5192 |
Angela |
What the hell is happening? |
| 34130 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5193 |
Andy |
We're the cast of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing. |
| 34131 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5194 |
Michael |
That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up? |
| 34132 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5194 |
Andy |
Like a month ago. |
| 34133 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5194 |
Michael |
Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy? |
| 34134 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5195 |
Andy |
Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant. |
| 34135 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5195 |
Erin |
I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry. |
| 34136 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5195 |
Andy |
What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy. |
| 34137 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5196 |
Andy |
Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes. |
| 34138 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Erin |
Oh, who else is going? |
| 34139 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Andy |
Everyone. |
| 34140 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Erin |
Gabe seemed to think no one was going. |
| 34141 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Andy |
What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right? |
| 34142 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Michael |
Andy, what time's the show? |
| 34143 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Andy |
8pm sharp. |
| 34144 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Michael |
How long is it? |
| 34145 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Andy |
Hour forty-five. |
| 34146 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5197 |
Michael |
Nope, can't make it. |
| 34147 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5198 |
Michael |
They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine. |
| 34148 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5199 |
Andy |
Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right? |
| 34149 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5199 |
Pam |
Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry. |
| 34150 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5199 |
Andy |
Dwight? |
| 34151 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5199 |
Dwight |
Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap. |
| 34152 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Andy |
It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight. |
| 34153 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Michael |
I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that? |
| 34154 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Andy |
If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer. |
| 34155 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Michael |
Wow. |
| 34156 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Andy |
This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show? |
| 34157 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Michael |
I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play. |
| 34158 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Andy |
Noishe! |
| 34159 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5200 |
Michael |
And scene. |
| 34160 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5201 |
Angela |
Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight. |
| 34161 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5201 |
Dwight |
Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe. |
| 34162 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5202 |
Dwight |
Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her. |
| 34163 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Dwight |
Give me the punch card. |
| 34164 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Angela |
No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show. |
| 34165 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Dwight |
That is not in the contract. |
| 34166 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Angela |
Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate? |
| 34167 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Dwight |
Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape. |
| 34168 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5203 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 34169 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5204 |
Angela |
Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object. |
| 34170 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Andy |
Hey, how are those salads? |
| 34171 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Jim |
It's my own fault- |
| 34172 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Andy |
My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could... |
| 34173 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Pam |
We'll keep looking. |
| 34174 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 34175 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 34176 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Pam |
I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about. |
| 34177 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Andy |
Oh my gosh, that would be amazing. |
| 34178 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 34179 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Jim |
For a lot of reasons. |
| 34180 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5205 |
Andy |
Yeah, I know. Neiche! |
| 34181 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Michael |
Oh, hey guys. |
| 34182 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Stanley |
You brought balloons to a play? |
| 34183 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Michael |
I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers. |
| 34184 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Phyllis |
It's nice, like Up. |
| 34185 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 34186 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Usher |
Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition? |
| 34187 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5206 |
Michael |
Nope. |
| 34188 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5207 |
Andy |
Guys? |
| 34189 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5207 |
All |
Hey! Andy! |
| 34190 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5207 |
Andy |
You all made it, thank you so much. |
| 34191 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5207 |
Jim |
You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit. |
| 34192 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5207 |
Andy |
She's babysitting? |
| 34193 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5208 |
Erin |
I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club. |
| 34194 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5209 |
Andy |
I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her. |
| 34195 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Michael |
This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons. |
| 34196 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Darryl |
Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber. |
| 34197 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Michael |
No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber. |
| 34198 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Darryl |
No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition. |
| 34199 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? |
| 34200 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Darryl |
Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later. |
| 34201 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5210 |
Michael |
All right, I'm sorry. God. |
| 34202 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5211 |
Usher |
Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats. |
| 34203 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5211 |
Kelly |
Ooooh! |
| 34204 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5212 |
Dwight |
I work with that guy. |
| 34205 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5212 |
Angela |
Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change. |
| 34206 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5212 |
Dwight |
Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss. |
| 34207 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5212 |
Angela |
Oh, Dwight, just move. |
| 34208 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5212 |
Dwight |
His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman. |
| 34209 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5213 |
Kelly |
What time is it? |
| 34210 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director. |
| 34211 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 34212 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto... |
| 34213 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 34214 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott. |
| 34215 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 34216 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
Yes? |
| 34217 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 34218 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
Good. |
| 34219 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Good. |
| 34220 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
Enjoy the second act. |
| 34221 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
You enjoy the second act. |
| 34222 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Shelby |
Have a refreshment. |
| 34223 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5214 |
Michael |
Thank you. You, too. |
| 34224 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5215 |
Angela |
Come on, Dwight. |
| 34225 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5215 |
Dwight |
Why are you dressed like a seed catalogue model? |
| 34226 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5215 |
Angela |
These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car. |
| 34227 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5215 |
Dwight |
Let's go. |
| 34228 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5216 |
Pam |
Hey, Erin, it's Pam. How ya doing? No, no, don't put Cece on the phone, because she can't talk yet. Okay. No, I was just calling to see how everything's going. Yeah? Yeah? It's good? The play? The play is kind of great. I mean, it's fun to hear Andy sing in the appropriate setting. Now, he's really sorry you couldn't make it, too. Yeah. So thank you so much, again. We're having a great time. Oh, they're flashing the lights so we should go in. Thanks. Bye. Okay, so we called. And everything's fine! |
| 34229 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5216 |
Jim |
Everything's fine. |
| 34230 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5216 |
Pam |
We can relax. |
| 34231 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5216 |
Jim |
We can relax. Let's get our Sweeney on. |
| 34232 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5217 |
Meredith |
Michael! |
| 34233 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5218 |
Andy |
Just checking my e-mails. See if I got any last-minute "break a legs" or "I still love you" type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall. |
| 34234 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5219 |
Creed |
Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph. |
| 34235 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her! |
| 34236 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
You found Johanna. |
| 34237 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
That monster of a judge has locked her-. Locked her away. |
| 34238 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases chirping. |
| 34239 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Michael |
How is that funny? |
| 34240 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your... bird. Oh, for the love-turn your phone off! There are signs! |
| 34241 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak. |
| 34242 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna? |
| 34243 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But... |
| 34244 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
Where is Johanna? |
| 34245 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
A madhouse. |
| 34246 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
A madhouse? |
| 34247 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
Yes, a madhouse. |
| 34248 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
A madhouse? Johanna is as good as rescued. Where do you suppose all the wig makes of London go to obtain their human hair? |
| 34249 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Andy |
Do you think... so you think... |
| 34250 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Sweeney Todd |
Fogg's Asylum , why not? |
| 34251 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Pam |
Sounds like Cece. |
| 34252 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Jim |
Okay, I think everybody just needs to relax. |
| 34253 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Pam |
Oh, my God! Go, go! |
| 34254 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5220 |
Jim |
Oh, my God. |
| 34255 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5221 |
Andy |
That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter. |
| 34256 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Erin |
I just didn't think that you guys were gonna see us. We were just gonna stop by and get some ice cream and then go home. |
| 34257 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Jim |
Okay, this was pretty simple- |
| 34258 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Pam |
Why are you here? |
| 34259 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Jim |
Really, all you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed. |
| 34260 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Pam |
What possible explanation could you have for possibly being here? I don't... you know, babies shouldn't have ice cream, by the way. |
| 34261 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Erin |
I'm sorry. I just really wanted to see Andy. You guys made it sound so unmissable, and you set me up with a car seat and everything. |
| 34262 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Jim |
Well, the car seat was to take her to the hospital, or... |
| 34263 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Erin |
Oh, no, why would I take her to the hospital? |
| 34264 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Pam |
You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. |
| 34265 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Erin |
Why don't I just take her home and let you guys finish, and then you should stay out as late as you want. |
| 34266 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Jim |
No, we're good. Thank you, though. |
| 34267 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Erin |
Okay. Alright, bye Cece. |
| 34268 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 34269 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Jim |
Alright, well, we're never leaving the house again. |
| 34270 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5222 |
Pam |
Not together! |
| 34271 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5223 |
Michael |
Boo! Boo! |
| 34272 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5224 |
Angela |
That was more horrifying than Nunsense. |
| 34273 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5224 |
Dwight |
All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders. |
| 34274 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5224 |
Angela |
Where's my car? Come on. |
| 34275 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots. |
| 34276 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
Darryl? |
| 34277 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
Hey! |
| 34278 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
Didn't know you were gonna be here. How's the toilet? |
| 34279 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
Silent. Look, congratulations. |
| 34280 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
Thank you. |
| 34281 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
I had no idea. This plumber has pipes! |
| 34282 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Yeah, good job. Well done. |
| 34283 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
You're the guy who booed me. |
| 34284 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Hmm? No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of em. |
| 34285 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
No, I saw you, and you were the only one. |
| 34286 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Get your eyes checked, chucklehead. |
| 34287 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Creed |
Be cool, Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. Good work. |
| 34288 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Sweeney Todd |
Thank you. |
| 34289 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
You didn't have to boo him. |
| 34290 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Well, he was getting a lot of applause, and I just didn't think it was indicative of how people were really feeling. |
| 34291 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
How would you like it if we booed you? |
| 34292 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
That would never happen. |
| 34293 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
Boo! Boo! |
| 34294 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Michael |
Okay. I appreciate the feedback. |
| 34295 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5225 |
Darryl |
Boo! Boo! |
| 34296 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5226 |
Michael |
I don't like that at all. |
| 34297 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Andy |
Are you ready? |
| 34298 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Erin |
Yes. Oh, I'm so scared! Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me! |
| 34299 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Andy |
Ah! Blood everywhere. |
| 34300 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Erin |
Oh, no. I'm so glad we're hanging out again outside of work. |
| 34301 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Andy |
Yeah, me, too. |
| 34302 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Erin |
Okay, I kill you now. |
| 34303 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5227 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 34304 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Dwight |
All right, let's do this. |
| 34305 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Angela |
No, actually, Dwight, I didn't realize how far this walk was, and I-I'm exhausted. |
| 34306 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Dwight |
It's okay, I smell. |
| 34307 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Angela |
No, no, no, no. I think I just want to go home, but it's okay. This can count as one of your times. |
| 34308 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. Contractually we're obligated to have s*x. |
| 34309 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Angela |
Well, I won't tell if you don't. |
| 34310 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Dwight |
I will tell. I will tell the mediator. What-what are you... Ok. Oh, was that in the way? Get rid of it. |
| 34311 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Angela |
Good night, Dwight. |
| 34312 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5228 |
Dwight |
Good night. |
| 34313 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Andy |
These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. Lots of people think it would be the front row, but actually, right here, this is where the speakers converge, and the sound just, like, nails you right here. |
| 34314 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Erin |
This is awesome. Sorry. Hi, Gabe. Yeah, I just stopped by Andy's cast party to say hi to everyone. Oh, sure, I can pick you up some soup. What do you want? That's broth, Gabe. Okay, I-I'll see you soup. Okay, I have to go. Thank you so much. This is so much fun, and I'm really sorry that I missed your play, but next time I'll be there. Or here. Right here, I promise. |
| 34315 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Andy |
Awesome. |
| 34316 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 34317 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Andy |
See you later. |
| 34318 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5229 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 34319 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5230 |
Jim |
It's like The Hurt Locker! |
| 34320 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Pam |
This night was a disaster. |
| 34321 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Jim |
No, it was not a disaster. It was weird, but it wasn't a disaster. I think we have, like, a gift bottle of Irish cream. |
| 34322 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 34323 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Jim |
We could put that in orange juice. |
| 34324 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Pam |
Get it. |
| 34325 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 34326 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Pam |
Let's get our juice on. |
| 34327 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5231 |
Jim |
Yeah! |
| 34328 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Phyllis |
Found him! |
| 34329 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues? |
| 34330 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
Yeah, I guess you could say that. |
| 34331 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
Yeah, I get those every day after work. |
| 34332 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Phyllis |
Your show was really great, Andy. |
| 34333 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Stanley |
Interesting subject matter. I'm surprised you pulled it off. |
| 34334 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
It was like amateur hour. |
| 34335 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Oscar |
It was an amateur production, technically. |
| 34336 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
Oscar. Enough with the sass, please. God! What is wrong with you? Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome. |
| 34337 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
Stop just saying that. |
| 34338 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse. |
| 34339 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
Thank you. That feels good. |
| 34340 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity. |
| 34341 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Darryl |
Andy, sing us another song. |
| 34342 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now. |
| 34343 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Phyllis |
Oh, come on, Andy, you were the highlight. |
| 34344 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Michael |
Come on, Andy, seriously. |
| 34345 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
All |
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! |
| 34346 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5232 |
Andy |
Okay, all right, all right, all right. |
| 34347 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5233 |
Michael |
In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! I'm just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone's tightening their belts in this economy. Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talkin about. |
| 34348 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5233 |
Shelby |
Thanks you. |
| 34349 |
7 |
3 |
Andy's Play |
5233 |
Michael |
No, that was- I'm just getting into the first act. |
| 34350 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5234 |
Dwight |
Hola, hola. Necesito une bueno worker. Tu esporte! Come on! Que? QUE? |
| 34351 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5235 |
Son |
We don't go with that man. I've seen several men go with that man and not come back. |
| 34352 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5235 |
Son |
We've lost friends. |
| 34353 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5235 |
Son |
We don't know what he does with them. |
| 34354 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5235 |
Son |
I don't want to talk about it anymore. |
| 34355 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5236 |
Dwight |
I pick up day laborers and tell them they'll get paid at six p.m. At five forty five, a certain INS agent by the name of Mose Schrute throws them in the back of a van, drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg and tells them it's Canada. |
| 34356 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Nate |
Hola amigo. |
| 34357 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Dwight |
Hola, tu es une buena worker? |
| 34358 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Nate |
Si, yo muy bueno worker. |
| 34359 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Dwight |
Y el accento, donde are you from? |
| 34360 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Nate |
Scranton, y before that La Philadelphia. |
| 34361 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Dwight |
You speak English? |
| 34362 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Nate |
Yes, I'm really good at English. |
| 34363 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Dwight |
Ok, good. Me too, get in the car. |
| 34364 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5237 |
Nate |
Okay. |
| 34365 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Angela |
Who's this guy by our cars? |
| 34366 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
That is my new maintenance worker, Nate. And you'll be happy to know that he's taking care of that hornet's nest that you've been griping about. |
| 34367 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I got stung up my dress. |
| 34368 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
Poor hornet. |
| 34369 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
I left him all the tools he needs. This is do or die. If he chooses correctly he'll conquer the hornets... |
| 34370 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Ryan |
But if he doesn't? |
| 34371 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
He'll die. |
| 34372 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 34373 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Andy |
Uhh, beg your pardon? |
| 34374 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
When did the phrase do or die become so corrupted? |
| 34375 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Kelly |
Is that a blow torch?! |
| 34376 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Pam |
No. No no no! |
| 34377 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
Interesting choice... |
| 34378 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 34379 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Andy |
Very very smart. |
| 34380 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Pam |
Yeah, go away. |
| 34381 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Employees except Dwight |
No! No no! |
| 34382 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Dwight |
A bat! Impressive... |
| 34383 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5238 |
Andy |
Oh it's stinging him! Ow! Ow! |
| 34384 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5239 |
Michael |
Good morning Erin, any mustaches? I mean messages? |
| 34385 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5239 |
Erin |
Terrific! |
| 34386 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5240 |
Michael |
There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise! He loves... other things as well. |
| 34387 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5241 |
Phyllis |
God! Wow! |
| 34388 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5241 |
Michael |
Look, It's a pimple Phyllis. Avrile Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive. |
| 34389 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5241 |
Phyllis |
That's no pimple Michael. |
| 34390 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5241 |
Michael |
You mean cancer? |
| 34391 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5241 |
Pam |
What? No! Wait, no. Definitely not cancer. |
| 34392 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5242 |
Pam |
It's just good to stop a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town. |
| 34393 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Meredith |
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's just a cold sore. |
| 34394 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
It is? |
| 34395 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Meredith |
Yup, just a cold sore. |
| 34396 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
Just a cold sore, thank you. Phyllis, I don't have acne. I have a cold sore. I don't even have a cold. I don't know how I got it. |
| 34397 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Kevin |
I know how you got it. |
| 34398 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
How? |
| 34399 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Kevin |
Michael come on. A cold sore is herpes. |
| 34400 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
What? |
| 34401 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Pam |
Wait! What you should do, Michael, is have a doctor take a look at it. Because we really don't know what that is. |
| 34402 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Meredith |
I know tons and tons of people who have herpes. I have it myself. That's what it is. |
| 34403 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Kevin |
I never seen herpes on you. |
| 34404 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Meredith |
Because it's on my genitals, genius. |
| 34405 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Kevin |
You have a pen1s? |
| 34406 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Andy |
Michael, have you ever been tested for STDs? |
| 34407 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
Yeah! My last physical when I was forty. |
| 34408 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Jim |
That was like, ten years ago. |
| 34409 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
No! It was like four years ago! |
| 34410 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Kevin |
Michael, you're at least forty six! |
| 34411 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5243 |
Michael |
Why at least? If you're guessing forty six just say forty six. |
| 34412 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Kelly |
Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is? |
| 34413 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Angela |
This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse. |
| 34414 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Andy |
You know what guys, why don't we just chill out on this herp-chat. Ok? I was an REA in college and I can tell you, number one sexually transmitted disease is ignorance. |
| 34415 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Kelly |
I guess maybe you should go marry a meth dealer with crabs. |
| 34416 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Oscar |
I don't even wanna know these things! |
| 34417 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5244 |
Meredith |
Hey guys! |
| 34418 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
How did this happen, how did I get this? |
| 34419 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
Some eggs can rely dormant in a woman for years, they may not even know they have it. |
| 34420 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
You know what, I feel like one of those old timey sailors. With the eye patch. It's me own damn fault. Woman in every port. |
| 34421 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
What port? The Jan port. The Holly Por... |
| 34422 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
Don't even! Holly was clean! Okay? If anything I gave it to her. |
| 34423 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
You may have... |
| 34424 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
Oh my God! What if I did? |
| 34425 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
You need to contact Holly! You need to notify her, that she is crawling with herpes. |
| 34426 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
Okay! You know what? Might! Might be crawling with herpes. I might have gotten it after her. |
| 34427 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
You need to contact every woman you've been with, and notify them of your herpes infestation. It's the right thing to do. |
| 34428 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Michael |
There's no way I'm gonna do that. |
| 34429 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5245 |
Dwight |
Then I will. |
| 34430 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5246 |
Dwight |
No, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I'm no doctor. I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge. |
| 34431 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Hello? |
| 34432 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
Hi Donna. It's Michael. |
| 34433 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Michael, I didn't think I'd here from you. How have you been? |
| 34434 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
I have a disease, for which there is no known cure, that has been sexually transmitted to me. |
| 34435 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Oh no. |
| 34436 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
I can't even say it. H-I... |
| 34437 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Oh my God. |
| 34438 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
...R-P-E-E-S |
| 34439 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Wait, you're calling to tell me that you have herpes? |
| 34440 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
No, I am calling to see if you gave me herpes. Because if you did I would be able to avoid a lot of sucky conversations. So you have it right? |
| 34441 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
Ummm, no. |
| 34442 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
Does your stupid husband have it? |
| 34443 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Donna |
No! He doesn't. Are you telling me I have to get tested? |
| 34444 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Michael |
Yes I am telling you you have to get tested for herpes. Good-bye! |
| 34445 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5247 |
Dwight |
So long Donna! |
| 34446 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention please? |
| 34447 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Stanley |
Not again... |
| 34448 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
What do you mean again? |
| 34449 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Stanley |
You're always asking for our attention. |
| 34450 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
Maybe like a year ago... |
| 34451 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Stanley |
Seems recent. |
| 34452 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
No, that's... |
| 34453 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Oscar |
Andy, the reason it seems more recent is because many of us here have never stood up and asked for everyone's attention, and it seems like you've done it on several occasions. |
| 34454 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
Everyone, I've noticed that we have not been entirely kind to one of our own, due to stigmas and prejudices. |
| 34455 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Phyllis |
Oh! When you got your new phone, that's when you asked for everyone's attention. |
| 34456 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Stanley |
That's what I was thinking, you kept announcing scores. |
| 34457 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5248 |
Andy |
It's the world's only international sport! |
| 34458 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
This is Holly. |
| 34459 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
No this is Holly. |
| 34460 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
No this is Holly. |
| 34461 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
No this is Holly. |
| 34462 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
No, this is Michael Scott. |
| 34463 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
Busted. So what can I do for you Holly. |
| 34464 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
I am calling because, there's a terrible crash! |
| 34465 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
Oh really? Was anyone killed? |
| 34466 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
A lot of people. |
| 34467 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
Any nuns? |
| 34468 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Holly |
Three nuns, from a Missionary in South Africa. |
| 34469 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5249 |
Michael |
Were they in the missionary position? |
| 34470 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5250 |
Andy |
Ba na na na na. Hot pizza, check it and see. Ba na na na. Got a whole bunch of pepperoni. Ba na na na na. Yeah, now you're looking at me. Anyone who's interested in entering into an honest discussion about the sexual mores and taboos of modern society will be rewarded with a pizza break. |
| 34471 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you hadn't been transferred? |
| 34472 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 34473 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
We would have twins. |
| 34474 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
I don't think we'd have kids. |
| 34475 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
Mmhmm! |
| 34476 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
It was just for a few weeks! |
| 34477 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
Mhhmm! We would be married. |
| 34478 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this you know. |
| 34479 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
Do what? |
| 34480 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
You romanticize things. |
| 34481 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
I don't romanticize th- No... |
| 34482 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up. |
| 34483 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
He had no arms or legs, he couldn't hear see, or speak... This is how he let a nation. |
| 34484 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
You made ourselves to be more than we were. |
| 34485 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
We were more than we were. |
| 34486 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
I don't know what you're getting so upset about, we had to break up a long time ago, it was a good memory. |
| 34487 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
Ok, alright I gotta go. |
| 34488 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Holly |
Michael... |
| 34489 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Dwight |
He forgot to mention the herpes. |
| 34490 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5251 |
Michael |
It didn't come up organically. |
| 34491 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5252 |
Jan |
...to accommodate the, uh, suppliers. Gentlemen! Nice to see you, it'll be just a moment. If you could show them into Conference Room B. The pharmaceutical aspects should be able to... |
| 34492 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5253 |
Jan |
How do I do it? Raise my daughter, work as director of office purchasing for this hospital and release an album of Dorris Day covers on my own label? If I knew I'd tell you. |
| 34493 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
It's nice to see you doing so well. |
| 34494 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
Yeah I'm really happy. Me and Astrid against the world. We're loving it, yeah. I'm kind of a supermom. |
| 34495 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
Bringing home the bacon. |
| 34496 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
Yeah. Fry it up in a pan. Never never never let you forget... I love that commercial. |
| 34497 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Dwight |
I don't understand the reference. |
| 34498 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
Well, Michael, it was nice to get your call. |
| 34499 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Dwight |
We had to come over right away, it's urgent. Michael has something to tell you. |
| 34500 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
Are you gonna keep me in suspense? |
| 34501 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
Would you excuse us... |
| 34502 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Dwight |
Ok I'm gonna head outta here, I know you have a lot to talk about. Ok, is there a, an operating theater that's open to visitors? Never mind I'll find it. |
| 34503 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
He hasn't changed. |
| 34504 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
No, so what couldn't wait? |
| 34505 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
Am I the kind of person to misremember our relationship as more than it ever was? |
| 34506 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
Michael Scott, you are here for a post mortem. |
| 34507 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Michael |
What? |
| 34508 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5254 |
Jan |
You wanna dig into our relationship, go over it, see what killed it. Ok, I'm in. |
| 34509 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Andy |
So, guys. I've been really bothered by the way certain people are getting treated around here, and I just think as an office we're better than that. Ok, now I'm going to show you a picture of genitalia. |
| 34510 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Erin |
Andy... |
| 34511 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Andy |
What, is it because he's black? |
| 34512 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Jim |
Nope, it's because it's genitalia. |
| 34513 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Andy |
Perfectly normal genitalia Tuna. Now I'm going to show you another picture of perfectly normal genitalia. |
| 34514 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Jim |
Am I blocking anybody? Can everybody see? |
| 34515 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5255 |
Andy |
It's normal! Big deal! Yeah sure it has some herpes on it, but you know what? It's just as normal as anyone else's. |
| 34516 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
No! In the beginning we were not good. |
| 34517 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Michael |
Well, there was a little bit of a learning curve in the conversation department, but between the sheets we were like Jordan and Pippin! |
| 34518 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
Well if there's anything exciting about it it's because we both knew it was wrong! |
| 34519 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Michael |
Because we work together. |
| 34520 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
No, ok. Imagine there's a princess, who falls for a guy beneath her station, and the queen doesn't like this at all. And the princess knows that the queen doesn't like it so it just makes her wanna do it all the more just to get at the queen! |
| 34521 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Michael |
Am I the princess? |
| 34522 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
No I'm the princess, and the queen. |
| 34523 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Michael |
Ok, so I'm the guy at the station. |
| 34524 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Astrid |
Mommy! |
| 34525 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
Assy! Awwhhh how was school? |
| 34526 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Astrid |
It was cool. |
| 34527 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
What did you learn? |
| 34528 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Astrid |
What did I learn? |
| 34529 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Jan |
You might have learned shapes, or blocks, or clocks, or colors. Or you might have learned that we're all, sisters and brothers. |
| 34530 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5256 |
Michael |
I have herpes. |
| 34531 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5257 |
Michael |
I used to think that she was the one. Or at least A the one. And if I called that one so wrong... |
| 34532 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Herpes, like all STDS, is a consequence of s*x. Can anyone else name any other consequences? |
| 34533 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kevin |
It feels unbelievable! |
| 34534 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Ok I guess I can make a pros column. Feels... |
| 34535 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kevin |
...unbelievable. |
| 34536 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Phyllis |
The ability to express love physically. It's a magical thing. |
| 34537 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Express love, magical. |
| 34538 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kevin |
It feels amazing! |
| 34539 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Umm, ok is that different from feels unbelievable? |
| 34540 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 34541 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Then I will write it down. |
| 34542 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Creed |
The feeling of pure risk. |
| 34543 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
I actually had that down in the cons column, but... |
| 34544 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Creed |
It's thrilling. |
| 34545 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Ok, umm. I'll move that. Thrill of risk. |
| 34546 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Erin |
Andy, aren't there also negatives to s*x? |
| 34547 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Yes! Thank you! Such as? |
| 34548 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Erin |
Unplanned pregnancy. |
| 34549 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Yes, unplanned pregnancy. |
| 34550 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kelly |
Like Jim and Pam, say whaaat? |
| 34551 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Kevin |
Just admit that your baby was a mistake. |
| 34552 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Pam |
Hey! Our baby was not a mistake. She was a surprise. |
| 34553 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Jim |
Good! |
| 34554 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Darryl |
I'm sure they don't regret having their child, let's move it to the pros. |
| 34555 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Jim, Pam |
Thank you! |
| 34556 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5258 |
Andy |
Ok, unplanned pregnancy, going in the pros column. |
| 34557 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
Next stop is Helene. You're gonna wanna make a left on Willow, which is a little ways away, uh. I'll remind you. |
| 34558 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
You know, I don't know if I trust Jan's judgment. She... |
| 34559 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
Jan knows paper. |
| 34560 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
No, I'm not talking about paper. Relationships, they have the ability to point out if the man is making a bigger deal out of something that is really there. |
| 34561 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
Wait, what Holly said? |
| 34562 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
Yes, I don't... |
| 34563 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
Forget it Michael! Today is about herpes. |
| 34564 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
I know, I know. |
| 34565 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay. |
| 34566 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
Got it. |
| 34567 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Dwight |
TO answer your question about Jan, no. Jan is insane. Why do you think I got- LEFT, WILLOW NOW! |
| 34568 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5259 |
Michael |
I'M TRYING! GOD! |
| 34569 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Michael |
Hi stranger! Long time! |
| 34570 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Old Woman |
Who are you? |
| 34571 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Michael |
I'm Michael. We dated for a while. |
| 34572 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Old Woman |
I don't think so... |
| 34573 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Helene |
Michael? |
| 34574 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Michael |
Oh hey! Dwight, would you take my grandmother for a walk while I talk to Helene? |
| 34575 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Dwight |
Come on old lady. Let's go. |
| 34576 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Old Woman |
What is happening? |
| 34577 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5260 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 34578 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
Who can tell me what the safest form of s*x is? |
| 34579 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Darryl |
Condoms. |
| 34580 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
Incorrect, the only true form of safe s*x, ok? Abstinence. |
| 34581 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Darryl |
Ohh. Ok. I didn't realize we were doing trick questions. What's the safest way to go skiing? Don't ski! |
| 34582 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
I just thought I'd bring it up in case someone in here was practicing abstinence. That's all. Anybody? |
| 34583 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Pam |
Andy that's way too personal of a question. |
| 34584 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
Well someone could answer if they want to. Ok, in that case I will now show you how to put this condom on... using this pencil. |
| 34585 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
What? |
| 34586 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Oscar |
Why would you choose a pencil Andy? |
| 34587 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
Well I'm not gonna use my pen1s, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway. |
| 34588 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Meredith |
Come on, give it a rest pencil dick. |
| 34589 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
I'm doing this for you Meredith! |
| 34590 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Meredith |
I didn't want you it! |
| 34591 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5261 |
Andy |
Well did you h- di- GAH! Does no one appreciate what I'm doing right now?! |
| 34592 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Helene |
It'll go away in time just don't touch it. |
| 34593 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Michael |
Did I make more of what we had then what was really there? |
| 34594 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Helene |
What did you think we were? |
| 34595 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Michael |
Just a quirky indie movie weird sort of thing, breaking all the rules. But had to end, because the summer was over. For you... |
| 34596 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Helene |
I think for you to have come here even expecting that we can have a conversation like this show's ho-how self deluded you are! Michael, your memory has failed you greatly. |
| 34597 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5262 |
Michael |
Jerk. |
| 34598 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Dwight |
Michael! |
| 34599 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
So this is the chef's kitchen, which makes it perfect for real entertainers. |
| 34600 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
Real entertainers, like Billy Joel. |
| 34601 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
Michael. |
| 34602 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
Carroll, how are you? |
| 34603 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
I'm great! How are you? |
| 34604 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
I'm great! I saw your-your sign outside. And I decided, I'm going to pull in, and maybe buy a house from her. |
| 34605 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
You didn't call my office and ask where I was? |
| 34606 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
No. |
| 34607 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
Because the receptionist told me a man called but he only said he was my ex-lover. |
| 34608 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
Weird... |
| 34609 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Carol |
Yeah. |
| 34610 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5263 |
Michael |
He sounds like a nice guy. |
| 34611 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Andy |
I don't know, I mean people were being really mean to Meredith. |
| 34612 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Gabe |
This wasn't really about Meredith was it. You and Erin are broken up. |
| 34613 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Andy |
How is that relevant to anything? |
| 34614 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Gabe |
I asked you if it was ok if I asked her out. You said, and I quote, 'My good sir! Nothing would make me happier than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand.' I specifically remember it because you said it in such a weird way. |
| 34615 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Andy |
The only reason I said that is because you asked me so politely! It was very difficult for me to say no. |
| 34616 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5264 |
Gabe |
I'll let this slide, but I expect you to put this whole Erin thing behind you. |
| 34617 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
Oh wow another living room! |
| 34618 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
It's a family room. |
| 34619 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
You put the TV here, you put the family over here. |
| 34620 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
Michael why are you here? |
| 34621 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
Someone told me that I romanticize relationships |
| 34622 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
You know, we all do that. |
| 34623 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
I have herpes. |
| 34624 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
What? Did you have that while we were together? |
| 34625 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
I just found out today. It's, uh, right there. |
| 34626 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
Oh! Oh, that's what you're talking about? |
| 34627 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
Mmhmm, I'm sorry. |
| 34628 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
Did the doctor check it out? |
| 34629 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
I'm between specialists right now. |
| 34630 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
Yes, yes Michael. Actually you do make a bigger deal out of things than you need to. You proposed to me on our fourth date. |
| 34631 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
Well I believe in love at first sight. |
| 34632 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
Well so do I, but we didn't love each other at first either. I don't know what you were thinking! |
| 34633 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Michael |
I knew what I was thinking at the time, but right now it just seems ridiculous. |
| 34634 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, someone died in the upstairs bathroom didn't they? |
| 34635 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5265 |
Carol |
No. |
| 34636 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Darryl |
We should schedule meetings, because the days can slip away with chit-chat. Are you crying? |
| 34637 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Andy |
No I'm just sweating. |
| 34638 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Darryl |
I don't know who's got you upset but my advice is stop crying. |
| 34639 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Andy |
I'm not crying I'm just sweating. |
| 34640 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Darryl |
Look you need to pick yourself up. Man up, alright? You will win this in the end. It's all about heart, and character. Be your best self. |
| 34641 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Andy |
Ok. |
| 34642 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5266 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 34643 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5267 |
Darryl |
I have no idea what his problem is, that's just my standard advice. It's good advice right? |
| 34644 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5268 |
Holly |
This is Holly Flax, I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message after the sound of the tiny truck backing up. |
| 34645 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5268 |
Michael |
Hi Holly it's Michael, I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It's just. You know? It's weird. Today I ended up seeing a lot of women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must have been a real train wreck. You know what, Holly? You're wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to them today, I don't feel for them anything like what I feel for you. I didn't joke with any of them, I joked with you. You are the only one who was actually happy to hear from me. And I don't know why you downgraded what we had but I did not make us up. Ok. Oh, wait, and you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye. |
| 34646 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Oscar |
What is this about? |
| 34647 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
Oscar, we once sucked face in public. As part of an office presentation to destroy the stigma of gay kissing. Do you recall? |
| 34648 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Oscar |
Yes! |
| 34649 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease. |
| 34650 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 34651 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
Herpes duplex. |
| 34652 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Dwight |
It was probably just an ingrown mustache hair but we have to be exhaustive. |
| 34653 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
I have already contacted all of my ex-lovers except for you. |
| 34654 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Oscar |
We were never lovers! |
| 34655 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna need a list of every man you've ever had s*x with. I'm talking train stations, men's rooms... |
| 34656 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
Flower shops, fireworks celebrations... |
| 34657 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Dwight |
Fence with a hole in it.. |
| 34658 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
Moolit Gandala, carrage drive through Central Park... |
| 34659 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Dwight |
The woods behind the liquor store, the swamp behind the old folk's home. |
| 34660 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
An electric car dealership. |
| 34661 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Dwight |
The democratic primaries, |
| 34662 |
7 |
4 |
s*x Ed |
5269 |
Michael |
Oscar! Think abou- Think! |
| 34663 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Michael |
Look at that. |
| 34664 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
Huh? |
| 34665 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Michael |
Nice! |
| 34666 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
I love cycling. Andy, I feel like a tourist in my own city. I literally can't wait to wake up every morning. |
| 34667 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 34668 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Michael |
She is a beaut! |
| 34669 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Dwight |
Can't beat a horse. A horse is a bike that peddles itself. |
| 34670 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
Yes, it is. |
| 34671 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Michael |
Oh, look at that. Smooth roll. |
| 34672 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 34673 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Kevin |
You got it! Lance Armstrong's Bike! |
| 34674 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 34675 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Meredith |
His ass was on that seat? All right! |
| 34676 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 34677 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
No, Meredith, that's not his actual bicycle, but it is the same exact model he uses. |
| 34678 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Kelly |
I'm on Sheryl Crow's side in that whole thing, so I feel really weird right now. |
| 34679 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Pam |
Michael! |
| 34680 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Michael |
Oh, god! |
| 34681 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5270 |
Oscar |
Oh... |
| 34682 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5271 |
Michael |
Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike. |
| 34683 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Jim |
Are you sure you once knew how to do this? |
| 34684 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Michael |
I did, yes! I had those extra wheels on the back...that support you. Mi-chael! Mi-chael! |
| 34685 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
All |
Mi-chael! Mi-chael! Mi-chael! Mi-chael! |
| 34686 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 34687 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Pam |
Come on, Michael! Yeah! |
| 34688 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Jim |
Just steer more now. |
| 34689 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Michael |
Oh, my god! |
| 34690 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Pam |
Not the car! |
| 34691 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Jim |
No! No! |
| 34692 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5272 |
Michael |
Ow! You never forget. Whoo! |
| 34693 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5273 |
Dwight |
How do I look? |
| 34694 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5273 |
Jim |
Amazing. How do I look? |
| 34695 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5273 |
Dwight |
Normal. Ugly. |
| 34696 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5273 |
Jim |
Well, I do the best with what I've got. Let's go. |
| 34697 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5273 |
Dwight |
Alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait for me! It's weird if I come in slightly after. |
| 34698 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Dwight |
We have a big meeting with the chief buyer for Frames Select, Steve Nash. |
| 34699 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Jim |
He's not the Steve Nash. He's big though. He's kind of like...Scranton's Steve Nash. |
| 34700 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Dwight |
Will you stop trying to put it in terms you think they'll understand? It's condescending. |
| 34701 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Jim |
I'm not doing that. I'm just explaining. |
| 34702 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Dwight |
And who is this "the" Steve Nash? |
| 34703 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Jim |
Phoenix Sun's point guard? |
| 34704 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 34705 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Jim |
No? Nothin'? |
| 34706 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Dwight |
No, Mr. Jock Hipster. |
| 34707 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5274 |
Jim |
Well, I'm neither of those things, so... |
| 34708 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Andy |
Whoa. Libby Dirketts got married. Big Red mazel tov to the Libster. Ooh, says here Dan Becker fell off the side of Kilimanjaro in a climbing accident. It appears Dan's Sherpa survived to tell the tale-Oh, my God! |
| 34709 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Phyllis |
What? Is Dan okay? |
| 34710 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Andy |
No, he died. It's Broccoli Rob. You know this guy; I showed you his picture on Facebook. |
| 34711 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 34712 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Andy |
"Some Vermont-based alums can hear 'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96, in the state milk lobby's new milk awareness song, 'Calci-YUM!', featuring Phish's Trey Anastasio. Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I had a ton of fun in the studio, and I think you can hear it in the song.'" |
| 34713 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Phyllis |
Oh, that's great news for your friend. |
| 34714 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Andy |
Yeah, yeah, it's great... |
| 34715 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5275 |
Phyllis |
You know, I forget about milk. This is a terrific reminder. |
| 34716 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5276 |
Andy |
I was the artsy, musical one. In Here Comes Treble I had four solos, Broccoli rob had three. Right? Uhh. |
| 34717 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5277 |
Dwight |
Go tell her we're here. You're good with receptionists. |
| 34718 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5277 |
Jim |
Oh, ha ha ha. Dwight... |
| 34719 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5277 |
Dwight |
Crap. |
| 34720 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Dwight |
Danny Cordray is the worst. |
| 34721 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Jim |
Well, by worst, you mean the best. |
| 34722 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Dwight |
The best salesman ever. He works for Osprey Paper over in Throop, steals more clients from Dunder-Mifflin than anyone. |
| 34723 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Jim |
So, the situation is the worst. |
| 34724 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Dwight |
Also, he slept with Pam. |
| 34725 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5278 |
Jim |
No, he didn't. |
| 34726 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Jim |
Tell 'em. |
| 34727 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Pam |
Nothing happened. We went on a couple of dates. He never called me again. |
| 34728 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Jim |
What? He never called you? I thought you said it just fizzled. |
| 34729 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Pam |
That's fizzling. I mean, someone has to start the fizzle. |
| 34730 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Jim |
Yeah, I thought you started it. |
| 34731 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Pam |
No, I liked him. For a couple of days. Four years ago. You know I have a kid with you, right? |
| 34732 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5279 |
Jim |
Ahhh. |
| 34733 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna intimidate him. Okay? |
| 34734 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Jim |
Okay, great- |
| 34735 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
Watch this. |
| 34736 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Jim |
-I'm just gonna watch. |
| 34737 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
So anyway, she says, "that is the biggest pen1s I have ever seen." And I said, "I know. That's why I brought you to the pen1s Museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars." Well, hello Danny! |
| 34738 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Danny |
Hey, Dwight. Good to see you. Jim, hey. |
| 34739 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Jim |
How are ya? |
| 34740 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Danny |
Good to see you too. |
| 34741 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 34742 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Danny |
Oh, I'm just here for the coffee. |
| 34743 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
Like hell you are. |
| 34744 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Jim |
Dwight! |
| 34745 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5280 |
Dwight |
He's not just here for the coffee, Jim. Wake up! |
| 34746 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
Brainstorming session is now open. Anyone has an idea- Hold on. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hello? |
| 34747 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Jim |
Hey, it's Jim. Listen, this is important. Are you busy? |
| 34748 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
Oh, hey. No, I'm not busy. What's up? |
| 34749 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Angela |
What? |
| 34750 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Oscar |
You are busy! We're in a meeting! |
| 34751 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
It's Jim, Okay? Yes. |
| 34752 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Jim |
Listen, you gotta get over here, 'cause we're pitching Steve Nash and Danny Cordray is here. |
| 34753 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
You need the big guns, yes? |
| 34754 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 34755 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Dwight |
What'd he say? What did he say? |
| 34756 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Jim |
The big gun thing. Stop! |
| 34757 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
I will see you in ten. Bye! Hold tight. Well, I know a lot of you thought that my sales days were behind me, and to be honest, so did I...and the only reason I got out of the sales game was to be reluctantly called back in. |
| 34758 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Pam |
You don't look reluctant, Michael. You look really eager. |
| 34759 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
No, I don't have time for this. Are you kidding me? |
| 34760 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Pam |
You don't? |
| 34761 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5281 |
Michael |
No! Okay. All right. |
| 34762 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
Knockity-knock, don't knock back. Just kidding you can knock; it's your office. Do you have a minute? |
| 34763 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
I'm very busy with time-sensitive work. |
| 34764 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses that you're entering points into Weight Watchers dot com. |
| 34765 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
If you don't enter them immediately, you forget. What? |
| 34766 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
I'm starting a band and I need you on keyboards. |
| 34767 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
Nah. I play for pleasure. |
| 34768 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
This is for pleasure. |
| 34769 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
I wouldn't enjoy that. |
| 34770 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
I'm willing to pay you. |
| 34771 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
Oh, yeah? |
| 34772 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 34773 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
How much? |
| 34774 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
Sixty bucks a session. |
| 34775 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Darryl |
That's crazy money. I'll take forty. |
| 34776 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5282 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 34777 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Dwight |
There he is. |
| 34778 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Oh, no, that's a male model. |
| 34779 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Jim |
No, that's him. |
| 34780 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
That...hello. Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. |
| 34781 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Danny |
Danny Cordray, Osprey Paper. |
| 34782 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Nice to meet you. |
| 34783 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Danny |
Three of you guys for one sale. |
| 34784 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Yeah, well...we call it overkill. Why am I telling you my strategy? |
| 34785 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Danny |
Well, whatever works for ya. Anyway. All right. |
| 34786 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 34787 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Danny |
It's good to see you guys. Nice to meet you. |
| 34788 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Buh-bye. I could swear that guy was a male model. |
| 34789 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Receptionist |
He's ready for you. |
| 34790 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Oh, thank you. All right. On the count of three, it's showtime. Ready, one, two-- |
| 34791 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Jim |
Nope, not doing that. |
| 34792 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Dwight |
I've been in showtime mode since breakfast. |
| 34793 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
Okay, you know-all right, just forget it then. |
| 34794 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Jim |
Showtime! |
| 34795 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5283 |
Michael |
It's showtime! Oh...never mind. Let's go. |
| 34796 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
When I knock on your door, you know who it is; it's Michael Scott. We've been together forever and we- |
| 34797 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Steve |
Michael, I appreciate everything that Dunder-Mifflin has done for this company. |
| 34798 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
You know what? You are having some problems with your loading dock, are you not? All right. We're going to deliver to you on weekends. |
| 34799 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Steve |
That's very generous, but- |
| 34800 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
And you know what else we're gonna do? I can't believe I'm gonna say this...we are going to offer you our paper at cost. I know. I could get in a lotta trouble for this, so you'd better shake my hand right now. |
| 34801 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Dwight |
He's not kidding. |
| 34802 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
Shake it, shake it! |
| 34803 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Steve |
Michael, I'm going with Danny. |
| 34804 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 34805 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Steve |
Thanks for coming in. |
| 34806 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
Okay. Thank you. |
| 34807 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Steve |
Thank you. |
| 34808 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5284 |
Michael |
Thanks, Steve. |
| 34809 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5285 |
Dwight |
Jim talked too much. |
| 34810 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5285 |
Jim |
No, I didn't. |
| 34811 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5285 |
Dwight |
Yes, you did. |
| 34812 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5285 |
Michael |
Stop it. Just stop it. We did what we should have done, we just got bested. Why is there a door close button if it doesn't even close the door? |
| 34813 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5286 |
Michael |
How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned. |
| 34814 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Michael |
You know who we always lose out to? Staples, the big guys. Osprey? They're a small company. They're smaller than we are. What's our excuse? How do we combat this guy? Stanley, how do we combat him? |
| 34815 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Stanley |
We sell better? |
| 34816 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Michael |
Okay. You know what? You clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave? |
| 34817 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Stanley |
I would like to stay. This pertains to me. |
| 34818 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Michael |
Why don't you go outside and...take a shot of insulin and have a nap, okay? |
| 34819 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Stanley |
Why do you always assume I have diabetes? |
| 34820 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Michael |
I don't know, your frame, your build-why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a diabetic. See? I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up that you have-okay. Yes, Phyllis? |
| 34821 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Phyllis |
I could try to seduce him. |
| 34822 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Michael |
Oh, my god! |
| 34823 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5287 |
Dwight |
I know how we can learn his tricks. |
| 34824 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Dwight |
What I am about to show you is of the utmost secrecy. |
| 34825 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Jim |
Is that your office? |
| 34826 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Dwight |
Yes, Jim. And with a little tweaking, it becomes a different office. We lure Danny to it and watch him sell. |
| 34827 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Phyllis |
Uh... |
| 34828 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Stanley |
I'm outta here. |
| 34829 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Phyllis |
This is weird. |
| 34830 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Michael |
You know what this is? This is a stinger. |
| 34831 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Jim |
A what? |
| 34832 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Michael |
Like the movie. |
| 34833 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Jim |
I think you mean The Sting. |
| 34834 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Michael |
Paul Newman, Robert Redford. They're bank robbers. |
| 34835 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Jim |
Nope. Different movie. |
| 34836 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5288 |
Dwight |
The Sting. The Sting. |
| 34837 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5289 |
Erin |
Your two o'clock. |
| 34838 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5289 |
Meredith |
Thanks, hun. |
| 34839 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5290 |
Jim |
Meredith was the perfect choice to play the head of the company. Her lunch break lined up with our appointment with Danny and...that's it. That's really all we were looking for. |
| 34840 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Danny |
Danny Cordray. It's great to meet you. |
| 34841 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Meredith |
Meredith Van Helsing. Pleased to meet you. |
| 34842 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Jim |
Meredith Van Helsing? |
| 34843 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Dwight |
Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer. |
| 34844 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Jim |
Okay. But what is he more famous for? |
| 34845 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Michael |
Shhh! Hey! That's my mug. |
| 34846 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Jim |
You know this isn't real TV, right? |
| 34847 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5291 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 34848 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Darryl |
Please Mr. President, if you wanna give hope a whirl, bring our troops home safe and sound, says this little girl. |
| 34849 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
Please Mr. President- |
| 34850 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Darryl |
One second, one second, one second. So, this song is from the point of view of a little girl? |
| 34851 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 34852 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Darryl |
But you're singing it. |
| 34853 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
Yeah, but I'm using my falsetto. |
| 34854 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Darryl |
No, that's not a good idea. I don't see that as a very good song. |
| 34855 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
Yeah, well, it'd sound a lot better if you actually sang with some soul. |
| 34856 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Darryl |
Oh, I never sing with soul. |
| 34857 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
That's a lie. |
| 34858 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Kevin |
I could sing it. |
| 34859 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
I just was hoping to maybe save your voice in case we did a novelty song about frogs. |
| 34860 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Kevin |
But my voice is unique. Like Bob Dylan. |
| 34861 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5292 |
Andy |
Okay, three-way argument between a drummer, a keyboardist, and the front man lead singer. Wonder who's gonna win this one. Two, three, four- |
| 34862 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Danny |
I'm gonna take off my coat, if you don't mind. It's a bit warm in here. |
| 34863 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Meredith |
Hel-lo! |
| 34864 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Oh, no, no. No. Don't- |
| 34865 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Dwight |
People can't keep their true natures hidden for long, and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire. |
| 34866 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Testify. |
| 34867 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Jim |
Okay, he's not that good-looking. I don't understand why everybody's obsessed with this- |
| 34868 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Yeah, he is that good-looking. |
| 34869 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Dwight |
He's very, very handsome. |
| 34870 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 34871 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Meredith |
That's a great set of shoulder's you got there. What is that...Genetics? Creatine? Sorry. Yeah? |
| 34872 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Pull it together, all right? Stop lookin' at him. |
| 34873 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Meredith |
I'm sorry. You're here to sell me some paper. |
| 34874 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Danny |
Well, actually, uh... no, Miss Van Helsing, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to meet you, see if we'd be a, you know, good fit. |
| 34875 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Meredith |
What do you mean? |
| 34876 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5293 |
Michael |
Oh...my god! He's making her sell to him. |
| 34877 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Andy |
Okay. Honest feedback time. Oscar? |
| 34878 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Oscar |
It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid. |
| 34879 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Andy |
But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something? |
| 34880 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Pam |
Not really. It's kinda weird that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl. |
| 34881 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Andy |
I feel like I can see someone ice skating to it. You know, like in the Olympics. |
| 34882 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Ryan |
I-I don't think they usually...skate to such...bad songs. |
| 34883 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Andy |
Rude. And not helpful. |
| 34884 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Creed |
Well, I really, really, really liked it. |
| 34885 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Andy |
Well, that...really bums me out. |
| 34886 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5294 |
Creed |
You're welcome. |
| 34887 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Danny |
We should think of this as a first date. And I think it's going very well, how 'bout you? |
| 34888 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Meredith |
Real well. Uh...feels more like a third date to me. |
| 34889 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Danny |
Ha ha, okay, there you go! |
| 34890 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Michael |
Stay- |
| 34891 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Meredith |
Shut up and let me do this! You know, what is with this desk keeping us so far apart? |
| 34892 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Danny |
I've never been a desk man. Always traveling on the road. Come on...why not, huh? |
| 34893 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Dwight |
Oh... |
| 34894 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Danny |
Well, we'll get this... |
| 34895 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Michael |
Oh! |
| 34896 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Dwight |
Oh, man! |
| 34897 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Meredith |
So, what's your drink? You a vodka man? Me too. |
| 34898 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5295 |
Jim |
We gotta get someone else in there right now. |
| 34899 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
You're an exec at Pennsylvania Solartech and- |
| 34900 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Oscar |
That sounds fake. |
| 34901 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
What do you mean? |
| 34902 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Dwight |
I told you! You're an exec at Stark Industries, a corporation you inherited from your father- |
| 34903 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
Will you stop? Stop it, stop it. Here's the story-they need Meredith somewhere else asap, okay? |
| 34904 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 34905 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
So you're taking over. You just gotta get her out of there as soon as you can. |
| 34906 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Oscar |
All right. I can do that. Then what? |
| 34907 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Dwight |
Then make him pitch to you. |
| 34908 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 34909 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Dwight |
We gotta see what he's got. |
| 34910 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
Exactly. You can do this. |
| 34911 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Dwight |
Okay, and remember-you're not gay. |
| 34912 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
Stop it! It's gonna be great. |
| 34913 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 34914 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5296 |
Jim |
And listen if anything else happens, just...roll with it. |
| 34915 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Oscar |
Meredith, I- |
| 34916 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Meredith |
Oh, Manuel! This is Manuel, my cleaning man. He doesn't speak any English. |
| 34917 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Danny |
Hola. Que tal? |
| 34918 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Oscar |
Como estas, senor? |
| 34919 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Meredith |
Uh, Manuel, cleano el window. |
| 34920 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5297 |
Jim |
Who else we got? |
| 34921 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5298 |
Dwight |
Okay. You're a young hotshot from Stark Industries. You've just bought this company. Meredith is fired. It's a whole new regime. He's gotta pitch to you now. |
| 34922 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5298 |
Ryan |
Okay. Stark Industries isn't real. I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me in- |
| 34923 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5298 |
Jim |
Great. Sounds awesome. Just have him pitch to you. |
| 34924 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5298 |
Michael |
Don't let us down. |
| 34925 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5298 |
Ryan |
Will do. Won't do. |
| 34926 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Yeah, sure. |
| 34927 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Meredith |
You smell like a Scorpio. This is...Esteban...another cleaning man. He doesn't speak English either. Esteban, el flooro. |
| 34928 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
You know what? I may have parked my car in a compact space, and I hate when I see others do that, so- |
| 34929 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Meredith |
Danny, I feel a real connection to you, and I gotta get real, I'm- |
| 34930 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
No, no, no.... |
| 34931 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no... |
| 34932 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
I'm goin 'in! |
| 34933 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Dwight |
Michael! No, Michael, stop it! No! |
| 34934 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Stop, stop! Oh, my god! Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Gross! Stop it, please. Everybody, stop. |
| 34935 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Michael Scott. |
| 34936 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
I said stop. Okay, Danny...this is not Pennsylvania Solartech. This is Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. This is Meredith Palmer- |
| 34937 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Meredith |
Please to meet you- |
| 34938 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Don't! Get away from him. Please, just leave. Get out of here. Go. Forever. |
| 34939 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Hmm. |
| 34940 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
I owe you...a most sincere and humble apology. We were trying to watch you to see your sales technique, so we could stop losing so many clients to you. |
| 34941 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
But from where? |
| 34942 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
A surveillance room next to this one. |
| 34943 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Okay, so you...set up this fake company, then you hired this homeless woman to impersonate an executive to spy on me so that you could copy my sales technique? |
| 34944 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Yes. And it's the sincerest form of flattery. |
| 34945 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Or...crazy. |
| 34946 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Well- |
| 34947 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
I'm gonna go. |
| 34948 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Okay. You know what, it wasn't just me. Jim and Dwight are behind that wall in the surveillance room and it was their plan as well. |
| 34949 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 34950 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no. |
| 34951 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Oh, well then, yeah. All right. Hey! Good luck, guys. Seems like you got a great operation here. |
| 34952 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
No, we don't. Here's-here's my point. Danny, listen, you have to understand that we are not normally like this. We just-we wanted to know your tricks. |
| 34953 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
What do you mean, my tricks? There's no tricks, man. I'm just a good salesman. You wanna copy that? You can't copy that! |
| 34954 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
You are, you are. You are! Stop it, stop it. Stop. You are a good salesman. And because of that...I want you to work for me. |
| 34955 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Sure. You seem like a fun, professional guy. |
| 34956 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
So, you will? |
| 34957 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
No! |
| 34958 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Hold it, hold it. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Danny, I want you to look at me. Do you want your life to be better...or to be worse or to stay the same? |
| 34959 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
Get out of my way. |
| 34960 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Answer the question. Do you want a better life, Danny? |
| 34961 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
I swear to God, I'm gonna hit you. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm not-it's just I'm very upset right now. |
| 34962 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
I know, I know. |
| 34963 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
I'm very upset! |
| 34964 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
Do you want more freedom, less freedom, or to stay the same? |
| 34965 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Danny |
More freedom. |
| 34966 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5299 |
Michael |
I can give you more money-there's your better life. I can let you come and go as you please-there's your freedom. And you already know Dunder-Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. Can you imagine how well you would do selling our stuff? |
| 34967 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Everyone, may I have your attention? I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. He is going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. Say hello to Danny! |
| 34968 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Kelly |
me! |
| 34969 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
O-kay. You know what? No. No. This is not some sort of construction site...or all of Italy, where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is? |
| 34970 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Kelly |
Josh Duhamel. |
| 34971 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Angela |
Yeah, I can see that. |
| 34972 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
No. No. No. Somebody in this office. |
| 34973 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Kevin |
He's like a better-looking Andy. |
| 34974 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Andy |
Thanks, Kevin. |
| 34975 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
No, me. Right? Sorta like...a little younger version of me. |
| 34976 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Oscar |
It's hard to judge ourselves accurately, isn't it. |
| 34977 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
Michael? |
| 34978 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 34979 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
Can I talk to you about something? |
| 34980 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
No, you may not. |
| 34981 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
It's about this very announcement you just made. |
| 34982 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
I said no. |
| 34983 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
Michael- |
| 34984 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
We're not- |
| 34985 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Jim |
Michael, I think you really want to talk to him. |
| 34986 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Okay. Let's-all right, all right. Let's talk. Please don't let him leave. Don't leave. Don't let him. |
| 34987 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Erin |
Gotcha. |
| 34988 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Jim |
You hired him? |
| 34989 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Guys, let me ask you something. Do you want your life to be better or worse or stay the same? |
| 34990 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
All |
Stay the same. |
| 34991 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Okay. Well...get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better. |
| 34992 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Phyllis |
It's not gonna get better; he's gonna steal all of our clients. |
| 34993 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
No, no. Wrong. He would have stolen your clients, but you know what? He can't now. This guy used to steal sales from us; now, he's going to steal sales for us. |
| 34994 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
Where's he gonna sit? There's no more seats. |
| 34995 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
He doesn't need to sit, he's a traveling salesman. Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff simply because they are threatening to you. And unless you have a better argument than that, I suggest you leave. |
| 34996 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Stanley |
Hmpf! |
| 34997 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Dwight |
Where's he gonna park? There's no more reserved parking spots. |
| 34998 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5300 |
Michael |
Good-bye! |
| 34999 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Song's about truth. |
| 35000 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 35001 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
What's something you really care about? |
| 35002 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Reverse snobbery. |
| 35003 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
More universal. |
| 35004 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Sometimes I feel like life has passed me by. |
| 35005 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Couldn't get outta bed today. Wish the alarm clock would go away. |
| 35006 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Kevin |
Oh, nice! |
| 35007 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Holy crap. Are you kidding me? You just made that-that's amazing! |
| 35008 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Go ahead. |
| 35009 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Which me am I gonna be today? |
| 35010 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Which me am I gonna be today? |
| 35011 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
I gotta closet full of mes. Am I gonna be the happy me? |
| 35012 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Kevin |
Or the me that stinks. |
| 35013 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Oh, my gosh! We're almost out of time. How much for another half hour? |
| 35014 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Oh, don't worry about it. |
| 35015 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Wait. Seriously? |
| 35016 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 35017 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
So we're just, like, jamming as friends? |
| 35018 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Darryl |
One, two, three, hit it. |
| 35019 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5301 |
Andy |
Closet full of mes- |
| 35020 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Oh, you know...funny. Your wife and I went on a few dates. |
| 35021 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Jim |
Did ya? |
| 35022 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Yeah. Way ,way, way back. |
| 35023 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Jim |
I'm just kidding. She told me about it. |
| 35024 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Oh. She was not into me. |
| 35025 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 35026 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Obviously. I don't even think she called me back. |
| 35027 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
You snubbed her. |
| 35028 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Jim |
Dwight, please. |
| 35029 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
Let me handle this, Jim. Drop the act, Cordray, okay? We all know that you probably thought that Pam was too "meh" or thin without being toned. But I wanna tell you something-she is one of the plain hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup? We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you? Don't you! |
| 35030 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Okay...that's different. |
| 35031 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's different, is it? Okay...thief. You better check your things, people. In fact, where are my keys? Oh, there in my pocket. False alarm. Okay. So...you're gonna be workin' here? |
| 35032 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Uh...I mean-yeah. |
| 35033 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
Welcome aboard. |
| 35034 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Thank you. |
| 35035 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Jim |
Hey, crazy, um...so...that's it? You're just-you're fine? |
| 35036 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
It's after 5:00, Jim. I'm not gonna take this home. |
| 35037 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Oh. |
| 35038 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Dwight |
Pleasure. |
| 35039 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5302 |
Danny |
Thanks. |
| 35040 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5303 |
Michael |
This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Chhguuh! Crap. I forgot about Packer. |
| 35041 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Kevin |
Sun's in her eyes, tongue full of flies. Would you like to share my paaaaaaad? |
| 35042 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
All |
Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love and I gave her the croak that meant I love you. |
| 35043 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Darryl |
I'll be your croak monsieur. |
| 35044 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Andy |
I'll be your croak madame. |
| 35045 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Kevin |
Your mama mighta said that bullfrogs are dogs, but I'm here to tell you that I am a frog! Come and sit on my log, you little pollywog. |
| 35046 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Darryl |
I find you absolutely ribbiting! |
| 35047 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
All |
Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. |
| 35048 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Andy |
Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. |
| 35049 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Kevin |
Croak! |
| 35050 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Andy |
Ribbit! |
| 35051 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Darryl |
Scoopity-splash! |
| 35052 |
7 |
5 |
The Sting |
5304 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 35053 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5305 |
Andy |
What about this one? It's kinda badass, right? Just seems kinda crazy in a way I might need right now. |
| 35054 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5305 |
Jim |
I don't know. Oh! That's... not... yours. |
| 35055 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5306 |
Jim |
Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice? |
| 35056 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5307 |
Stanley |
What's a seven letter word for purse? |
| 35057 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5307 |
Kevin |
Satchel! |
| 35058 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5307 |
Stanley |
Nope. Starts with an H. |
| 35059 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5307 |
Andy |
Handbag. |
| 35060 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5307 |
Stanley |
Hmmm. Thank you. |
| 35061 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5308 |
Andy |
Shh! Shhh! |
| 35062 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5309 |
Michael |
All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales! |
| 35063 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5309 |
All |
Yay! |
| 35064 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5310 |
Stanley |
Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow: |
| 35065 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5310 |
Pam |
Bye, Stanley! Love you! |
| 35066 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5310 |
Dwight |
So long, Stanley! |
| 35067 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5310 |
Stanley |
Night, everybody. |
| 35068 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5311 |
Oscar |
So what kind of statement are you making with that costume, Kevin? |
| 35069 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5311 |
Kevin |
The statement that I am making, Oscar, is that I kind of look like Michael Moore. |
| 35070 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5312 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin! Happy Halloween! How can I haunt you today? |
| 35071 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5313 |
Michael |
A lot of people are really getting into Halloween this year! Six seconds, MacGruber! Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned! Uh, two seconds MacGruber! Including a... costume contest, and bobbing for apples, and a Ouija board... OHHH! BOOM! OHH EXPLOSION! MACGRUBERRRR! |
| 35072 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5314 |
Pam |
People are really into the costume contest this year. Might have something to do with the prize, maybe you've heard of it. The 2011 Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book worth over fifteen thousand dollars in savings! |
| 35073 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Jim |
Stop. |
| 35074 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Dwight |
Too late! If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me. |
| 35075 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Jim |
Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler. |
| 35076 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Dwight |
To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler. Oh-ho! That's very funny. Looks like someone decided to dress up as old Dwight Schrute's mom. |
| 35077 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Pam |
What? |
| 35078 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Dwight |
You're only one third as beautiful and only half her height. |
| 35079 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Pam |
I'm supposed to be Olive Oyl. And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye, but... Jim doesn't want to put his costume on. |
| 35080 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5315 |
Jim |
I am Popeye! |
| 35081 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5316 |
Jim |
I've never really been a costume guy. Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something I was too old for. And then this morning, when Pam hands me this little number ...no. |
| 35082 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Gabe |
In case you can't read m-m-my Poker Face... we will be reviewing our sales policies. I have ten seconds to read them or this whole place blows up. |
| 35083 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Michael |
MACGRUBER! |
| 35084 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Todd Packer |
Lame. Why don't witches wear panties? |
| 35085 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Michael |
Oh, here we go! |
| 35086 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Todd Packer |
Because they need to grip the broom! |
| 35087 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Michael |
OH! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie? No wai-where does Dracula like to water ski? |
| 35088 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5317 |
Dwight |
Lake Erie. |
| 35089 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Gabe |
When our warehouse workers make deliveries, they're going to be encouraged to offer clients extra products. And then they will split those commissions with sales. |
| 35090 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Michael |
So, wait, drivers are going to be able to sell paper on the road? |
| 35091 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Gabe |
That is correct. |
| 35092 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Todd Packer |
Has anyone started calling you "Gabe-wad" yet? |
| 35093 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Gabe |
Not here. |
| 35094 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Danny |
Gabe-wad. |
| 35095 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5318 |
Gabe |
Okay, guys, fun is fun, but- |
| 35096 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Blackula! |
| 35097 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Darryl |
Dracula. |
| 35098 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Oh, so... I almost forgot. You'll find this hilarious. Apparently corporate is going to have drivers sell paper on their routes now. That's like, exactly sort of the idea that you had. |
| 35099 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Darryl |
Yes. I do remember saying something like that to you. |
| 35100 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Yeah. I'm sorry. I blew this. You should have gotten credit for that, man. |
| 35101 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Darryl |
I'm just glad we're gonna try it out. |
| 35102 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Really? We're good? |
| 35103 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Darryl |
Yeah. We're cool. |
| 35104 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay. |
| 35105 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Darryl |
What's under your shirt? |
| 35106 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5319 |
Michael |
Oh. It's a ream of paper. Thought you might hit me. |
| 35107 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5320 |
Michael |
Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing. |
| 35108 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Toby |
It's a great stick, right? |
| 35109 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Ryan |
It's really good. It's a classic. I think you might win the whole thing with that. |
| 35110 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Toby |
Thanks! |
| 35111 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Oscar |
Everyone realizes that this coupon book isn't actually worth fifteen thousand dollars, right? You'd have to spend two hundred thousand dollars on crap you don't actually need to get fifteen thousand dollars worth of benefits. I'm not the only one who sees this, right? |
| 35112 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Toby |
No. |
| 35113 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 35114 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5321 |
Kelly |
I get that. I get that. |
| 35115 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Danny |
Excuse me, everybody. I want to invite you all to the Halloween party I'm having at my bar. |
| 35116 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Kevin |
You own a bar? |
| 35117 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Danny |
Public School, at exit 11. |
| 35118 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Oscar |
That's a great name. You're hilarious. A plus! |
| 35119 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Danny |
So. You're all on the list! |
| 35120 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Ryan |
Hey, man, can I get a plus five? It's all guys. |
| 35121 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Creed |
Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny? Our age? |
| 35122 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5322 |
Danny |
Okay. |
| 35123 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5323 |
Kevin |
I don't think that she would leave Jim for Danny. |
| 35124 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5323 |
Phyllis |
I don't know, they're both handsome. |
| 35125 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5323 |
Dwight |
Pam is gonna choose whoever has a scent most like that of her father. Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like? |
| 35126 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5323 |
Phyllis |
I think he- |
| 35127 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5323 |
Creed |
Hey hey hey, quiet, here she comes! Did you hear about that Danny guy? Heard he used to date Pam. |
| 35128 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Jim |
So four years ago, when I was in Stamford, Connecticut, and dating someone else, Pam went on two dates with Danny. Which was obviously the greatest love story ever told, given how much people are walking on eggshells around us. |
| 35129 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Pam |
We were basically Romeo and Juliet. |
| 35130 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Jim |
That's right. |
| 35131 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Pam |
Except where Juliet doesn't have that great a time and Romeo doesn't call back after two dates. |
| 35132 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 35133 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Pam |
But I've learned to love again. He's a cartoon sailor. |
| 35134 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Jim |
Oh, no. |
| 35135 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Pam |
And looks so handsome in his UNIFORM! Please? |
| 35136 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5324 |
Jim |
No. No, I'm not gonna-no. |
| 35137 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5325 |
Andy |
Tuna! Tuna! Do you want us to skip this party? |
| 35138 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5325 |
Jim |
I don't care. |
| 35139 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5326 |
Kevin |
I am never gonna forget what Danny did to Pam. I forget nothing. I'm like an elephant in that way. |
| 35140 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5326 |
Andy |
You know what else? The-this... this sucks for Jim. Right? But it also sucks for us. Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties. |
| 35141 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5326 |
Kevin |
Yeah, and everyone else is gonna be there. Stanley, Phyllis, Angela, Darryl... Creed's a maybe. |
| 35142 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5326 |
Andy |
Creed's going?! |
| 35143 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5327 |
Jim |
Madge from the warehouse just made her first sale. Madge. We should have been doing this a long time ago. |
| 35144 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
Erin! Would you please do me a solid and get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone? |
| 35145 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Darryl |
Hello? |
| 35146 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
Hi, Darryl, come out here, please. |
| 35147 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Darryl |
I'm good. |
| 35148 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
You need to stop being so shy, come out here, and embrace who you really are, superstar! |
| 35149 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Darryl |
This is embarrassing, Michael. |
| 35150 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
Yeah, I bet it is! If you're gonna do your job well here, you gotta get used to being embarrassed. |
| 35151 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Darryl |
Let me put my shoes on. |
| 35152 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Pam |
Um, hit the speakerphone button. The speakerphone button? The same button as you hit before... or sit on it. |
| 35153 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
This whole delivery slash sales idea? You know whose idea that was? That was Darryl Philbin's. He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits. |
| 35154 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Angela |
So, what happened? |
| 35155 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
I got in the way. I said no. And it just stopped. But then corporate comes up with this idea, but you know what? They need to know that it was yours. And I don't care if I take a bullet. We're gonna call them, we're gonna put them on speakerphone right now... |
| 35156 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 35157 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
And we are going to straighten this out. |
| 35158 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Andy |
Screw corporate! They probably stole the idea anyway. |
| 35159 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Michael |
Mmhm! |
| 35160 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5328 |
Gabe |
Uh uh. Corporate stole nothing, okay? Darryl told me, and then I told them, giving Darryl full credit, so... no need to screw corporate! Or anything like that, so. Let's give Darryl a round of applause, as planned. |
| 35161 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Michael |
I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now. |
| 35162 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Dwight |
He went to Gabe behind your back. |
| 35163 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Michael |
No, he didn't go behind my back. He went over my head. |
| 35164 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Dwight |
He went over your head to go behind your back. |
| 35165 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Michael |
What is taking someone from behind? |
| 35166 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Dwight |
No. Shh. Michael, listen. This cannot stand. We can't have workers going straight to corporate. Makes your job superfluous. |
| 35167 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Michael |
It was a good idea, though. |
| 35168 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5329 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Here's another good idea. Corporate chain of command. We need to strangle Darryl's idea. |
| 35169 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Andy |
Hey, Danny. |
| 35170 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
Hey. |
| 35171 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Andy |
I'm really sorry, but we can't come to your party tonight. |
| 35172 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
I was looking forward to throwing some darts with you guys. |
| 35173 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Andy |
You were? |
| 35174 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Kevin |
Okay, well then, uh, I mean, maybe we could do it like... next Halloween. |
| 35175 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
For sure. |
| 35176 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Andy |
We're just like, totally caught in the middle here. |
| 35177 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
What are you talking about? |
| 35178 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Andy |
Well Jim and Pam basically begged us not to go... |
| 35179 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
Jim and Pam really don't want you to go? |
| 35180 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Kevin |
They're really upset about the whole Danny situation. |
| 35181 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
I'll talk to them. |
| 35182 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Kevin |
Yeah, but wait, don't tell them that we said anything to you. |
| 35183 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
Okay. |
| 35184 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Kevin |
Or you're dead. |
| 35185 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Danny |
Okay. |
| 35186 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5330 |
Kevin |
Okay. |
| 35187 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Erin |
Kelly! Great costume! |
| 35188 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Toby |
Oh. |
| 35189 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Angela |
KELLY! You cannot change costumes in the middle of the day! Pam, she's out. |
| 35190 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Kelly |
Um, if I'm out, I'm going to sue this ENTIRE COMPANY for discrimination. |
| 35191 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Oscar |
Guys? You're arguing over a one in sixteen chance. Over a prize worth... forty bucks. |
| 35192 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Kelly |
Um, fifteen thousand bucks, Oscar. |
| 35193 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5331 |
Angela |
Yeah, shut it, Oscar. Pam? |
| 35194 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5332 |
Angela |
This is an amazing prize. I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment, because she's so blegh, but she did a good job. I really want that coupon book. |
| 35195 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Dwight |
Garbage magnet. Garbage magnet, God! Magnets are interesting enough, you don't need to tart them up with some design. I can't believe this doesn't make you mad! |
| 35196 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
What the hell are they talking about? |
| 35197 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Dwight |
Hmm, Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique. |
| 35198 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
Do you think that Kevin is going over my head? I don't- Oh my GOD. Okay. All right. All right. You know what? That's inappropriate, Kevin. I am your boss, and if you have something to say, it goes through me, and then I take it to Gabe. Chain of command. Do you understand? |
| 35199 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
I am so sorry. |
| 35200 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
Oh, you're sorry? |
| 35201 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
I just thought- |
| 35202 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
What did you just thought? |
| 35203 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
Well, Gabe asked me if there were any really cool Lady Gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk. And so then I tol- |
| 35204 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 35205 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
I told him that there was this one cool move where she powers down like a robot. |
| 35206 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 35207 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
Okay? But I- I am so sorry that I didn't tell you first. |
| 35208 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
Well, don't let it happen again. |
| 35209 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
You think that I would let this happen again?! NO WAY JOSE. |
| 35210 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Michael |
I- |
| 35211 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Kevin |
you, Gabe! |
| 35212 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5333 |
Gabe |
Okay... |
| 35213 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Can you imagine? It's just crazy. |
| 35214 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Jim |
That is crazy. We would never care if Andy or Kevin went to your party. |
| 35215 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Look, I'm just glad we can laugh about it. Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here, with, you know, our history. |
| 35216 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Pam |
Oh, my gosh! People keep blowing it out of proportion! It's not even a history. |
| 35217 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Exactly. |
| 35218 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Jim |
It's not like you guys had some long relationship right? Big painful breakup I don't know about? |
| 35219 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
No! Two or three dates. |
| 35220 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Pam |
It was two. |
| 35221 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Was it two? I thought it was three. |
| 35222 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Pam |
No, we um, we had plans for a third, but then I don't know, you never called me back, so... |
| 35223 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Jim |
Oooh! You can't handle the truth! |
| 35224 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Well, that does not sound like me. |
| 35225 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Pam |
Yeah? It was though, that's what happened. |
| 35226 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Danny |
Well, great, I just wanted to make sure that things weren't weird. |
| 35227 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5334 |
Pam |
Hmm-mm. |
| 35228 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other. |
| 35229 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
I'm not mad. Are you mad? |
| 35230 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating. |
| 35231 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
Well, I'm sorry if it seems that way to you. |
| 35232 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
Okay, that might help. If you said "I'm sorry" in front of everybody. |
| 35233 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
Mike. |
| 35234 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
In front of me. |
| 35235 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
You made a bad call. And I fixed it. So I'm not apologizing. |
| 35236 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
So that's it. |
| 35237 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
That's it. |
| 35238 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Michael |
Is it? |
| 35239 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5335 |
Darryl |
Yes. |
| 35240 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5336 |
Andy |
Sookehhh. Bill Compton, from True Blood. |
| 35241 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5336 |
Stanley |
How many freakin' vampires am I supposed to care about these days? |
| 35242 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Oscar |
I guess you could say I'm still in costume. I'm a rational consumer. |
| 35243 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Phyllis |
Oh. |
| 35244 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Oscar |
Stupid coupon booklet. Have you seen my costume? I'm a rational consumer. |
| 35245 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Ryan |
Yeah, I uh, heard you say it to Phyllis. That's a good line. |
| 35246 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Pam |
Okay, everybody! After you walk the runway everyone has to vote for who gets the coupon book. And you can't vote for yourself. |
| 35247 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Kevin |
Pam. Can you vote for other people? |
| 35248 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5337 |
Michael |
Yeah, I gotta get in on this. Hey, it's cool, man, I work in the warehouse! I'm cool! I'm hip and I'm jive! And I don't care about nobody! Do you know who I am? Happy Halloween, jerk! |
| 35249 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Michael |
Still don't know who I am? I'll give you a hint. I go over other people's heads. |
| 35250 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Pam |
Michael, this is a bad idea. |
| 35251 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Michael |
What's a bad idea? |
| 35252 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Pam |
Dressing up as somebody-I mean, when has that ever worked for you? |
| 35253 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Michael |
NEVER! Okay, you know what? Fine. I'm not Darryl. And thank God I'm not Darryl. |
| 35254 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5338 |
Kelly |
Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues? |
| 35255 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5339 |
Stanley |
Raaah! |
| 35256 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5340 |
Oscar |
I present to you the rational consumer, as it were. |
| 35257 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5341 |
Pam |
Angela as the nurse! |
| 35258 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5342 |
Angela |
I don't like your tone! Look, they were sold out of all the other costumes, okay? I think we all live in the real world, here. Let's not pretend to be unaware of what sells in this office. |
| 35259 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Phyllis |
What should we ask? |
| 35260 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Michael |
Hey, can I play? Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend who backstabs people in the back? |
| 35261 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Jim |
We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that? |
| 35262 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Erin |
He says no. |
| 35263 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Michael |
Aaah! Darryl moved it. You moved it. |
| 35264 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 35265 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Michael |
Dwight, you saw Darryl move it, right? |
| 35266 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5343 |
Dwight |
Let's just say I saw exactly what the two of you wanted me to see. |
| 35267 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5344 |
Dwight |
I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth. |
| 35268 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5345 |
Michael |
If you had one word you would use to describe Darryl what would that word be? |
| 35269 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5345 |
Erin |
A... S... S... H... E... T? |
| 35270 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5345 |
Phyllis |
An asset! |
| 35271 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5345 |
Erin |
Ah! That's enough. |
| 35272 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think. |
| 35273 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Todd Packer |
I don't think you get it. |
| 35274 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
Hey. |
| 35275 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 35276 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
This is some party, huh? |
| 35277 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Jim |
When you work hard, you play hard around here. Even if you don't work hard. Oh, here's something. Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back? |
| 35278 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
Are you serious? |
| 35279 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Jim |
Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to fall in love, or anything, I'm just saying... but you know, to not even call her back is... |
| 35280 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
You know what it was? I think she gave me her number but then her fours look like eights, and... |
| 35281 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Jim |
Could be. But you also called her the second time so you had the number right. |
| 35282 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Todd Packer |
Halpert, you lookin' for someone to bang your wife? |
| 35283 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 35284 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5346 |
Danny |
Okay. You wanna know? I didn't call her back because she spent the whole date talking about you. She was obviously in love with you. |
| 35285 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5347 |
Ryan |
Fifty seven. Fifty eight. |
| 35286 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5347 |
Meredith |
Wait, wait. She hasn't moved in awhile. |
| 35287 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5347 |
Oscar |
ERIN! |
| 35288 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5347 |
Erin |
Two! I got two. I ate two whole apples. |
| 35289 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Pam |
I'd remember talking about Jim. That wasn't it. |
| 35290 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Jim |
Just tell her the real reason. |
| 35291 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Danny |
Do you honestly want to know why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago? |
| 35292 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Jim |
Hey. She had a nice time. It seems rude. |
| 35293 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Pam |
I did. And it's just one of those things that's going to keep gnawing at me, like "gnaw, gnaw, why? Why didn't he? I have no idea why." |
| 35294 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Danny |
Okay. Honestly. I didn't call you back because I-thought you seemed a little... dorky. |
| 35295 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Jim |
Hey, man. |
| 35296 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5348 |
Pam |
Thank you! Thank you. I got it. Now I know. You thought I was a little dorky. You know? Okay. Well, excuuuuse me. |
| 35297 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
In the future, you need to get Michael's approval on anything before coming to me. |
| 35298 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 35299 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
You're gonna be missing out on some good ideas. |
| 35300 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
Okay, well, obviously if it's a really, really good idea, my door is open. |
| 35301 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no! |
| 35302 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
You said no to this one! |
| 35303 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
That was-okay, you make one mistake in fifteen years and you drag me over the coals, after everything I did for you? |
| 35304 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
What have you done for me? |
| 35305 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 35306 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
What have you done for me? |
| 35307 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 35308 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
Ed Truck hired me. Jo promoted me. Gabe listened to me. All you've ever done is say no to me. I have ambition. And you kept me at the same level for years. |
| 35309 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
Ohh. Dropping bombs, right? This really make you think, Michael? |
| 35310 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Stop it! Stop, stop. We're thinking. We're thinking about it. |
| 35311 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
Yeah. |
| 35312 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
You don't have to point to the fact that we're thinking about it. Stop it! Just let us think. Okay, next time you have a really great idea, we will put it in a hat, and then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat and let her decide. |
| 35313 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
I don't understand the point of a hat. |
| 35314 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
You're right, we don't need a hat. |
| 35315 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
I am not budging on the hat issue. |
| 35316 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
Okay. We're going to table the hat question. The best ideas are going to come to me, I make the final decision, period. |
| 35317 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Okay. We both reserve the right to go to Jo if we disagree with Gabe. |
| 35318 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Gabe |
Okay, why don't we simplify this? Darryl brings it to Michael, Michael brings it to me, no one calls Jo. |
| 35319 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Unless you and I decide we want to talk to Jo, then we'll give her a call. |
| 35320 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Darryl |
Cool. Okay. Sorry I lied. |
| 35321 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5349 |
Michael |
Sorry I was a jerk. |
| 35322 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5350 |
Michael |
Friends fight. Friends fight. |
| 35323 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Andy |
What's up, man? |
| 35324 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Darryl |
Sometimes it seems like it was better down in the warehouse, you know? |
| 35325 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Andy |
When I was a freshman in college, I worked at the student newspaper, the Cornell Daily Sun? This was at Cornell. I had to write an op-ed column every day. Bernard's Regards. |
| 35326 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Darryl |
This was your freshman year. |
| 35327 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Andy |
I started to ask myself, "Do I have big plans here?" I didn't want to become editor of that paper, so I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard hall, and that's actually when I heard eight male voices, singing, unencumbered by instruments. I was hooked. So is becoming CEO of this company your a capella group? Come on, we're going to Danny's bar. Public School. |
| 35328 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5351 |
Darryl |
No. I got some work to do. I do got big plans with this company. |
| 35329 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5352 |
Jim |
To be honest, I still can't believe he didn't call her back. Who doesn't call a dork like that back? |
| 35330 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5353 |
Pam |
Oh, wow! |
| 35331 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5353 |
Jim |
Spinach in a can. Power eat spinach. |
| 35332 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5353 |
Pam |
Aww, my hero! |
| 35333 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5354 |
Pam |
Okay, everyone, I've tallied the votes, and the winner... of the costume celebration spectacular... and the Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book... Oscar Martinez. |
| 35334 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5355 |
Kelly |
If I have to vote for someone, I don't want it to be someone who can beat me. |
| 35335 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5356 |
Ryan |
Shake things up. I'm a Nader guy. |
| 35336 |
7 |
6 |
Costume Contest |
5357 |
Creed |
Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen. Like, freaky good. |
| 35337 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
I know a lot of us have been feeling under the weather lately. It's that time of year. And according to a study done by the University of Arizona, they've discovered that your keyboards have hundreds of times more bacteria, per square inch, than a toilet seat. |
| 35338 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Kelly |
I heard your momma had more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat. |
| 35339 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Michael |
That's true, that's true. I dated her momma, and you know what- |
| 35340 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Jim |
Stop. |
| 35341 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Michael |
Um... kay. Uh, alright. |
| 35342 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
One of the simplest ways to cut down on the spread of germs is to use something called the vampire cough. |
| 35343 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Erin |
Di-Did you say vampire? |
| 35344 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
Oh, no, it's just that if a vampire had to cough, he would do it like this. |
| 35345 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. Right. And ruin their cloaks? Do you have any idea how expensive wool is in Transylvania? 'Cause of the euro. |
| 35346 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
Well, other things you can do to help cut down on the spread of disease are to wash your hands regularly. Don't come in if you're sick. |
| 35347 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
Uh... |
| 35348 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
And get your flu shot. Also, I'm going to set up hand sanitizing stations around the office. |
| 35349 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
NO, no, no. They will cost you your life. |
| 35350 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Jim |
Elaborate. |
| 35351 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
The worst thing you can do for your immune system is to coddle it. They need to fight their own battles. If Sabre really cared about our well-being, they would set up hand de-sanitizing stations. A simple bowl at every juncture filled with dirt, vomit, fecal matter... |
| 35352 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Pam |
I'm not - I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. |
| 35353 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
Exposing yourself to germs is the best way to make yourself stronger. |
| 35354 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Jim |
So by that rationale, if I had to sneeze, I should just sneeze on you. |
| 35355 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Dwight |
Yes. I would welcome it. |
| 35356 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5358 |
Jim |
You're welcome. |
| 35357 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5359 |
Dwight |
The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this. Maybe they have something against living forever. |
| 35358 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5360 |
Angela |
Jim. Pam. And the precious bundle of God's gift to everything. I wish you both a pleasant day. And you too. Yes. Praise God. Ok. |
| 35359 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5361 |
Pam |
Cece's getting christened today. |
| 35360 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5361 |
Jim |
Big day. |
| 35361 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5361 |
Pam |
Everyone from work is here. We weren't planning on that. |
| 35362 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5361 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 35363 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5362 |
Michael |
Top of the Sunday morning to you. |
| 35364 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5362 |
Andy |
And a top of the day to you too, sir. |
| 35365 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5362 |
Ryan |
Hope you brought your pipes. We're about to smoke the opium of the masses. |
| 35366 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5362 |
Michael |
Oh, yes. Doobie-doobie doo. |
| 35367 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5363 |
Michael |
I invited everyone in the office because it's not a day for just Jim or Pam or the baby or me. It is about us all. And I thought we should all celebrate... my joy. And our, all of ours joys. |
| 35368 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5364 |
Andy |
Ah, man. |
| 35369 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5365 |
Andy |
Does the Nard-dog want Nard-pups? Yeah. I want a big ol' litter of Nard-pups. All jumping around, sucking on the teet. Put 'em in a box, give 'em to my neighbors. Yeah, I want kids. |
| 35370 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5366 |
Dwight |
For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs. |
| 35371 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5367 |
Toby |
Sunday church service... it's been a few years. The Big Guy and I, we got some catching up to do. |
| 35372 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
Hey. Hey. I got an offer that you can't refuse. Scooch over. |
| 35373 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael, this is just for family. |
| 35374 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
But I'm the Godfather. |
| 35375 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Jim |
It is really funny, but you know that can be confusing at a christening because you are not the godfather. |
| 35376 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
Are you talking to me? |
| 35377 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Jim |
Ok, your turn. |
| 35378 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
Scooch. Before I shoot you in the head. |
| 35379 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
Okay, Michael. Um, you know I love when you do that voice, but today, I'm so sorry. I need you to tell me that you know you're not Cece's godfather. |
| 35380 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 35381 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, Michael. I need you to say it. I'm so sorry. |
| 35382 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
I'm not the godfather. |
| 35383 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
Okay, thank you. |
| 35384 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
So who is the godfather? |
| 35385 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
Our friend, Seth, and his wife there. |
| 35386 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
Okay. Old friend, like, you've known him since kindergarten? |
| 35387 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
No, I met his wife in Mommy and Me. They're a great couple. You should meet them later. |
| 35388 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Michael |
No, I have plenty of friends, so... all right, well, you have great seats. Enjoy the show. |
| 35389 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5368 |
Pam |
Okay. Thank you for coming, Michael. |
| 35390 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5369 |
Michael |
I don't even know how to say this, but Cece is turning out to be a little b-i-t-c-h. And that's not true, but her parents are kind of boxing me out. |
| 35391 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Church congregation |
We ask you, Lord, come to our aid. |
| 35392 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Pastor |
Good morning. |
| 35393 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
All |
Good morning. |
| 35394 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Michael |
Good morning. |
| 35395 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Pastor |
What a terrific day this is, and not just because the Eagles are playing. |
| 35396 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Pastor |
You may have seen the bus out front. Today we also say good-bye to our young adult ministry. They're leaving for three months to build a school for the village of Quimixto, in Cabo Corrientes, Mexico. |
| 35397 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5370 |
Ryan |
I've heard of that place. If you go to Cabo San Lucas, all the prostitutes are from Cabo Corrientes. |
| 35398 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5371 |
Toby |
Okay, this is, all right, this is silly. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope... |
| 35399 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5372 |
Female church member |
And thank you for your prayers for Justin. We hope for a speedy recovery. |
| 35400 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5372 |
Pastor |
Thank you. Anyone else with a prayer or a remembrance? |
| 35401 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5372 |
Dwight |
Good morning. Dwight Schrute. Thank you all for your prayers and your remembrances. Like Justin and his disfigurement, I too have had a horrible year. They say that the middle class is disappearing, and with it, the soul of America. So, as a gift to this beautiful congregation, I would like to offer a 4% discount on all Dunder Mifflin Sabre products if you buy a printer at full price. |
| 35402 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5373 |
Pastor |
Christening calls to repentance, to faithfulness, and to discipleship. We've come to celebrate these babies. |
| 35403 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5373 |
Pam |
Somebody needs a change. |
| 35404 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5373 |
Jim |
Right now? |
| 35405 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5373 |
Pam |
Well, she can't bring this up with her. |
| 35406 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5373 |
Jim |
Okay. All right, come on. Where are we going? Where are we going? We're gonna take a little field trip. |
| 35407 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5374 |
Jim |
Okay. Okay. There's my girl. All right. Hold on one second. There we go. What's that face for? Oh, my-oh, my God. Cece, no. No, no, no, not on the dress! Cece, stop! |
| 35408 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pam |
What? |
| 35409 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Jim |
What? |
| 35410 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pam |
Honey, no. |
| 35411 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 35412 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pam |
No, no. |
| 35413 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Jim |
This is happening. |
| 35414 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pam |
We have an extra outfit in the bag. |
| 35415 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Jim |
No. There's no extra outfit in the bag. |
| 35416 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pam |
You said you checked it. |
| 35417 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Jim |
I did... say that. |
| 35418 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5375 |
Pastor |
At this time, will the families please come join me? |
| 35419 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5376 |
Michael |
Jim and Pam and Cece really seem to be clicking. They are totally gelling. It's as if they leave my office and they go to another office that sells happiness. And good for them. That's great, because, you know, the paper industry's not gonna last forever. |
| 35420 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5377 |
Pastor |
Before we go, I'd like to remind everyone that the "Halberts" have been kind enough to host a reception next door immediately following the service. |
| 35421 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5377 |
Jim |
Mm. No. Wrong on both counts. |
| 35422 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5378 |
Jim |
Okay, "A," Halbert. And, "B," I think a more appropriate statement would be, "The 'Halberts' are hosting an intimate reception for their invited guests." |
| 35423 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Ryan |
For all their generosity of spirit, they password-protect their wireless? |
| 35424 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Kelly |
Try "Jesus." |
| 35425 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Dwight |
Opus dei. |
| 35426 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Male church member |
Hi. Good morning. |
| 35427 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Michael |
Good morning. |
| 35428 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Female church member |
Good morning. |
| 35429 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Michael |
Good morning. |
| 35430 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Ryan |
Hello. |
| 35431 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5379 |
Dwight |
Shh, shh, shh. |
| 35432 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5380 |
Michael |
How are you? Good morning. Good morning. |
| 35433 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5380 |
Lady |
Good morning. |
| 35434 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5381 |
Michael |
I am feeling this. Call it the Holy Spirit or the passion of the Christ. I am loving these people. |
| 35435 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 35436 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Doug |
I'm Doug Mcpherson, Davey's uncle. |
| 35437 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Jim |
Oh, well, Dave is an adorable baby. |
| 35438 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Doug |
Davey. |
| 35439 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 35440 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 35441 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Angela |
Well, this is intimate. |
| 35442 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Pam |
We just had to add a few more tables. We weren't expecting this many people. |
| 35443 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Angela |
You don't know them all? |
| 35444 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Pam |
Nope, and we're gonna need a loaves and fishes kind of miracle to feed 'em all. |
| 35445 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Angela |
Jesus is not your caterer. But he should be your caterer 'cause you're a little angel. Why didn't your parents get you a caterer? They don't think. |
| 35446 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Pam |
Hm. Don't listen to her. She's just jealous 'cause she doesn't get to come home to someone as cute as you. |
| 35447 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Jim |
Huh, you think she is jealous about having a baby? |
| 35448 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Pam |
I don't know. I'm just hungry. |
| 35449 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5382 |
Jim |
Okay, well, you know what? Everybody's hungry. Sorry. I think I'm just hungry. |
| 35450 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5383 |
Michael |
Oh, after you. |
| 35451 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5383 |
Male church member |
Oh, no, after you. |
| 35452 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5383 |
Michael |
No, I insist. After me. |
| 35453 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5383 |
Male church member |
I'm gonna use that one. Have a good lunch. |
| 35454 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5383 |
Michael |
Thank you. You too. |
| 35455 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5384 |
Stanley |
This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day. |
| 35456 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5384 |
Kevin |
I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this? |
| 35457 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5384 |
Michael |
You know what, guys, let's just enjoy lunch. |
| 35458 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5384 |
Kevin |
With what? How? Sometimes, Michael. Sometimes. |
| 35459 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5385 |
Girl |
Excuse me, everyone, on behalf of the youth ministry that's leaving for Mexico, I just wanted to thank our hosts and tell you about those good-looking guys and gals over there. |
| 35460 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5385 |
Ryan |
Teach for America girls are way hotter, but they're nuts. |
| 35461 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5386 |
Girl |
This is Jessica Ortega. I met her when both she and I were both seven years old when my parents took me to Quimixto on a service trip. |
| 35462 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5386 |
Phyllis |
Who takes a kid to Mexico? |
| 35463 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5386 |
Stanley |
I would run to Mexico if that's where the sandwiches are. |
| 35464 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5386 |
Michael |
Shh. |
| 35465 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5387 |
Girl |
Right now, Jessica's children have to walk twelve miles to a school with dirt floors. |
| 35466 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5387 |
Michael |
No. |
| 35467 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5387 |
Girl |
It's gonna be three months of hard work and when we're done, we'll practically be Quimixtanos. |
| 35468 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5388 |
Dwight |
Greg, hello, it's Dwight from the vestibule. You want to know my eleventh commandment? I will not be undersold. |
| 35469 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5388 |
Michael |
Hey, Dwight. Dwight, hey. |
| 35470 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5388 |
Dwight |
I am ready to love thy neighbor with these kind of discounts. |
| 35471 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5388 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? Stop it. |
| 35472 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5388 |
Dwight |
I'll call you back. |
| 35473 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5389 |
Girl |
My parents explained it to me this way. You wouldn't hesitate to save a family member from a burning building, but what if the earth was your building and all the people on it were your family? |
| 35474 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5389 |
Andy |
What if the moon was your car and Jupiter was your hair brush? |
| 35475 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5389 |
Michael |
Shh. |
| 35476 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5389 |
Girl |
Thank you. Or should I say gracias? |
| 35477 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Pam |
Cece went down. |
| 35478 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Woman |
What was this? You're out of it. |
| 35479 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Jim |
Scones. |
| 35480 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Woman |
I didn't get one. |
| 35481 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Pam |
Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn't get one either. |
| 35482 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Woman |
Is it just the one jug of apple cider? |
| 35483 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Pam |
Who the heck was that? |
| 35484 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Jim |
I think that was sconesy cider, noted baptism reception critic. |
| 35485 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Pam |
We need more food. I'll go get some subs and sodas. |
| 35486 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5390 |
Jim |
All right. And cider. |
| 35487 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Michael |
Look at that. Look at that. That's fun. We need to do stuff together outside of work. Let's go help Africa. Let's go build an airport. We'll start small. We'll have a car wash. We'll send some cheerleaders to regionals. |
| 35488 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Stanley |
You could feed the hungry. Us. |
| 35489 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Oscar |
Why do we have to do something together? I volunteer at a clinic on my own time. |
| 35490 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, that's just a pick-up scene. Okay, we don't have to volunteer. But I think we should hang out more together. |
| 35491 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Darryl |
We are hanging out-right now. You want some more of this? |
| 35492 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Michael |
Look at these people. These are church-going people. And they know how to party. |
| 35493 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Phyllis |
Church isn't a party, Michael. |
| 35494 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Michael |
Well, it's, it's- |
| 35495 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Ryan |
Welcome to the party. Everybody have their kool-aid? |
| 35496 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5391 |
Michael |
No. Okay, you know what? This is inappropriate. What is wrong with you guys? What is wrong with you? What is so horrible about wanting to get together and do something nice? Why did you guys even come today? What's so great about your lives that you think you're better than everybody else? That you can make fun of everybody else? You're mean. You're mean girls. Like the movie, Mean Girls. And Kevin and Stanley, if you don't stop worrying so much about what you're gonna put in your gullet, you're gonna die in about a month. |
| 35497 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5392 |
Jim |
Oh, hey, Mee-Maw, would you watch Cece for a second? Don't worry. She's asleep. I'm just gonna track down some more chairs. |
| 35498 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5392 |
Mee-Maw |
Fine, fine. I guess I'll watch Suzanne's purse and your baby. |
| 35499 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5393 |
Michael |
Bye. Good luck. Good luck to you. Bye. Do good. Do good. Bye. Have fun. We're proud of you. Bye. Okay. |
| 35500 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Michael |
Hey. Hey. Is this the bus to Mexico? |
| 35501 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Students |
Yeah! |
| 35502 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Michael |
I'll take a shirt. |
| 35503 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Guy |
Are you coming? |
| 35504 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Michael |
If you'll have me, yes. |
| 35505 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Guy |
Heck, yes. |
| 35506 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5394 |
Michael |
Really? Thank you. All right. |
| 35507 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Oscar |
Michael. Get off the bus. |
| 35508 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
No, I'm not. I'm staying on the bus. I'm already on the bus. I'm going. |
| 35509 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Gabe |
Michael, this is irresponsible. |
| 35510 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
It is not irresponsible! I have never been more confident about a decision in my life. |
| 35511 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Darryl |
I agree. I think it's superb. |
| 35512 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Gabe |
Well, you have a job to do. Okay, there is no off-season when it comes to printer sales. |
| 35513 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
You know what, my job will be here when I get back. |
| 35514 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Andy |
Michael, you can't go to Mexico. You don't have your passport. |
| 35515 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Guy |
You don't need one to get in. Plus, we can just have it sent to him down in Mexico. |
| 35516 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
Hey, right? |
| 35517 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Phyllis |
Michael, what am I supposed to tell my clients if they ask about you? |
| 35518 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
Tell them that I died, and I turned into an angel, and when they feel a breeze in a room with all the windows closed or that-that chill on the back of their neck, that is just me watching over them. |
| 35519 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Phyllis |
Okay, but what about the bigger corporate accounts? |
| 35520 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
Tell them that I'm in a meeting. |
| 35521 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Dwight |
Michael, I'm just about to close a sale. Can I authorize a 15% discount? |
| 35522 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
No, you may not. |
| 35523 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Dwight |
Gah! |
| 35524 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Erin |
I think it's really cool, Michael. I wish I had a job that I could just leave. |
| 35525 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 35526 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5395 |
Andy |
Save me an aisle seat, Michael! I'm coming! |
| 35527 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5396 |
Andy |
I will not stand idly by while these Mexican villagers are sick. |
| 35528 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5396 |
Guy |
We're actually building them a school. |
| 35529 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5396 |
Andy |
Whatever. I won't-I won't stand for it. |
| 35530 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5397 |
Michael |
See you in a few months. |
| 35531 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Girl |
If the whole world were like you guys, we wouldn't have so many problems. |
| 35532 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Michael |
Mm. That's not gonna happen. |
| 35533 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Andy |
We're one in a million. |
| 35534 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Girl |
I know. Nobody I know would leave their jobs and friends and families to do manual labor for three months. |
| 35535 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Michael |
Well, you know what, everybody thinks that I am crazy, and that tells me that I am the sanest person I know. So... |
| 35536 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5398 |
Andy |
Just a heads up. Probably gonna be borrowing a few things. Uh, gonna need a contact lens case, some sunscreen, some sandals... |
| 35537 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5399 |
Toby |
Why you always got to be so mean to me? |
| 35538 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5400 |
Jim |
Uh, MeeMaw, where's Cece? |
| 35539 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5400 |
MeeMaw |
I don't know. I lost the purse too. |
| 35540 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5400 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 35541 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
Good-bye, Lackawana County. |
| 35542 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
How long till we get to Mexico? |
| 35543 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
Well, two days minus how long we've been on the road. 45 minutes? So, like, two days basically. Maybe more. |
| 35544 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
Ooh. What are we building down there again? Like, a hospital? A school for Mexicans? What? |
| 35545 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
I don't know, I thought it was like a gymnasium or... |
| 35546 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
Why aren't they building it themselves? |
| 35547 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
They don't know how. |
| 35548 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
Do we know how? I don't know how. You know how? |
| 35549 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
Well, Carla knows. |
| 35550 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
Carla knows. Oh, I feel like there were so many more people on this bus. There were, like, 200, 300 people before. Hey, Carla? Carla? Hi. What are you doing? |
| 35551 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Carla |
Oh, trying to sleep. |
| 35552 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
What is happening? Oh, God, what is happening? |
| 35553 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
Do you smell like a weird, warm cheese? |
| 35554 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
Oh, God, you know what? I'm gonna be in Mexico for my half-birthday. |
| 35555 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
And the Christmas party. |
| 35556 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
And Cinco de Mayo. |
| 35557 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Andy |
Nah, no. We'll be back before that. |
| 35558 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5401 |
Michael |
No, we-No. You know how these things go. Construction projects, they say three months, and then, after two years, the lazy bums haven't even started. Now we're those lazy bums. I gotta get off this bus. |
| 35559 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
Hey, guys, has anybody seen the baby? |
| 35560 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Phyllis |
Here's her carrier, but no Cece. |
| 35561 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim's Dad |
Jim, Jim, I want to give a toast. Where's the little girl of honor? |
| 35562 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
I don't know, dad. I don't know. |
| 35563 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Doug |
I don't mean to bug, but do you know when those subs are due into port? I got a hungry bunch of Mcphersons over there. |
| 35564 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
I don't know. Hey, have you seen my baby? |
| 35565 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Doug |
I think maybe some blonde lady had her. |
| 35566 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
A small blonde woman? |
| 35567 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Doug |
Smaller than me. |
| 35568 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
Uh, everyone? Everyone, can I just have your attention? Has anyone seen a small- Stop that tiny blonde woman! She stole my baby! |
| 35569 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Angela |
What are you doing? |
| 35570 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Kevin |
Give me the baby! |
| 35571 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Angela |
What? Kevin! |
| 35572 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Helene |
Hi, honey. I was just changing the baby. |
| 35573 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
Hi. |
| 35574 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Pam |
Honey. |
| 35575 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
Hi. All right. Travel safe, Angela. |
| 35576 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Angela |
Did you think I stole your baby? |
| 35577 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
What's that? Oh, yeah, back then I did. Just now. So, don't, because I've got my eye on you. |
| 35578 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Kevin |
Look at these scones, Jim. Thousands of them. What kind of a person steals scones from a baby? |
| 35579 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Angela |
Someone put them in my bag. |
| 35580 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Doug |
So that was lunch, eh? Mcpherson troop, let's haul out. Rendezvous at Friendly's. |
| 35581 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Pam |
Did you lose Cece? |
| 35582 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5402 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. I did. |
| 35583 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Can you fake a seizure or a heart attack or something? |
| 35584 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
I can make myself cry. |
| 35585 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Do that. Do it. |
| 35586 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
Should I-I got it. I got it. Um, hey, I saw a sign for a scenic overlook coming up. Really love to check out the view. |
| 35587 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Bus driver |
Can't stop. We're on a schedule. |
| 35588 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
Well, uh, there's a nice bistro coming up. We could pick up some Paninis for the road. |
| 35589 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Bus driver |
Maybe we'll stop in Tennesseee. It's not safe to talk to a driver. |
| 35590 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Okay, driver, driver, if you're not gonna stop this bus, then I'm going to stop it for you. Okay? Hang on. |
| 35591 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Bus driver |
Stopping in Tennessee. |
| 35592 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Guy |
Hey, is there a problem, you guys? |
| 35593 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Yeah, just get him to stop the bus, please. |
| 35594 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Guy |
Why? |
| 35595 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
Just make him stop the freaking bus! |
| 35596 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Stop the bus, okay? |
| 35597 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Carla |
Are you okay, sir? |
| 35598 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
I didn't sign up for this. You guys are young, that's great. You want to give back to society. I've done that. I need to take. |
| 35599 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Girl |
You have plenty left to give. You're doing- |
| 35600 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Blah-di-blah! |
| 35601 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
It doesn't matter. |
| 35602 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
We could go back and forth all day. It's not gonna solve anything. |
| 35603 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
If we went to Mexico, we'd probably screw everything up anyway. |
| 35604 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Do you want that for little Jessica? No, you don't. And the answer is clear. Stop the bus. Okay? |
| 35605 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Andy |
Stop the bus! |
| 35606 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Stop the bus! Stop the bus! |
| 35607 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Guy |
Okay, stop the dang bus. |
| 35608 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Michael |
Okay, well, a pleasure. Go save the world. We'll keep an eye on America for you. |
| 35609 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5403 |
Another guy |
Wait for me! Don't say anything to my parents. |
| 35610 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5404 |
Erin |
Get in quick. |
| 35611 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5404 |
Michael |
Why quick? |
| 35612 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5404 |
Erin |
So it's faster. |
| 35613 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Erin |
Do you guys want me to take you home or go back to the church? |
| 35614 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Michael |
Is anyone still at the church? |
| 35615 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Erin |
No, actually most of them went to go see a movie. |
| 35616 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Michael |
What? Shut up. |
| 35617 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Erin |
Yeah. Kevin suggested it, and then they all went in Meredith's minivan. |
| 35618 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Michael |
It is so nice to be back in a country that has movies. |
| 35619 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Erin |
I bet. You guys. |
| 35620 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Guy |
Can I come? |
| 35621 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Erin |
Oh, Lake Wobblegone's on. Do you guys-are you cool with that? |
| 35622 |
7 |
7 |
Christening |
5405 |
Radio |
"... banana bread, but Fred Nordquist had no appetite. He was thinking about his pair of new boots. It'd been ten years after all. As he told Mrs. Nordquist, it would take two years to get comfortable with the new boots." |
| 35623 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Erin |
They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house. |
| 35624 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Reporter |
Police have now surrounded the apartment complex. |
| 35625 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Michael |
They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving. |
| 35626 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Reporter |
It is unknown if he is armed with anything. |
| 35627 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Kevin |
They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out. |
| 35628 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Dwight |
They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats. |
| 35629 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Angela |
Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this. |
| 35630 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Gabe |
Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco. |
| 35631 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5406 |
Erin |
It's pronounced wacko. |
| 35632 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5407 |
Jim |
Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all. |
| 35633 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5408 |
Kelly |
Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out? |
| 35634 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5408 |
Andy |
I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city. |
| 35635 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5408 |
Kevin |
No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone! |
| 35636 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5408 |
Michael |
Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! Come on everybody! |
| 35637 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5409 |
Michael |
There it is! I saw it! I saw it! He went right by! You missed it! |
| 35638 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5410 |
Michael |
Grandpa, where were you the day the the Scranton Strangler was caught? Well kiddo, I was there. I was there... And I'll tell you what. You go sell these and buy yourself a nice spaceship. |
| 35639 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Michael! |
| 35640 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
Walk with me. |
| 35641 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee. |
| 35642 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat! |
| 35643 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Jim |
Okay? |
| 35644 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Yeah it's a TV show... |
| 35645 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do? |
| 35646 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Stanley |
I... |
| 35647 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
Cancel it! Are you still here? |
| 35648 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so... |
| 35649 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show. |
| 35650 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Okay, sorry. |
| 35651 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
I'm joking. |
| 35652 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Wait which one? |
| 35653 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek. |
| 35654 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Erin |
Good me too! |
| 35655 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5411 |
Michael |
You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. I am coming to your party. |
| 35656 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5412 |
Erin |
I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends. |
| 35657 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5413 |
Kelly |
No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people! |
| 35658 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5414 |
Kelly |
And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible. |
| 35659 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5415 |
Angela |
Are you going? |
| 35660 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5415 |
Dwight |
Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch. |
| 35661 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5415 |
Angela |
I would watch that. |
| 35662 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5415 |
Dwight |
Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse. |
| 35663 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Andy |
You're having a party at Gabe's apartment? |
| 35664 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Erin |
Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there. |
| 35665 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Andy |
You would? |
| 35666 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Erin |
You and Michael are always the life of the party! |
| 35667 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Andy |
Try and keep me from coming! |
| 35668 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Erin |
Why would I keep you from coming? |
| 35669 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Andy |
Try and hide it, I will track this party down! |
| 35670 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5416 |
Erin |
Why would I hide it! |
| 35671 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Michael |
Kevin! |
| 35672 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Kevin |
Hey, you going tonight? |
| 35673 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Michael |
Yes, I am. Are you? |
| 35674 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Kevin |
Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party! |
| 35675 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Michael |
What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss. |
| 35676 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Kevin |
No he's not the boss. |
| 35677 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Michael |
Why did you just say he was the boss? |
| 35678 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Kevin |
'Cause, you're the boss! |
| 35679 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5417 |
Michael |
Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss? |
| 35680 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Erin |
It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice? |
| 35681 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Michael |
Uh huh... |
| 35682 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Erin |
Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael! |
| 35683 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Michael |
Big... |
| 35684 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Erin |
Those posters used to be real French ads. |
| 35685 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5418 |
Michael |
All right! |
| 35686 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5419 |
Gabe |
So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and... |
| 35687 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5419 |
Michael |
Okay okay okay. |
| 35688 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5420 |
Michael |
Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed! |
| 35689 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5421 |
Gabe |
You don't really toss the dough. |
| 35690 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5421 |
Michael |
Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you. |
| 35691 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5422 |
Gabe |
Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life. |
| 35692 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5422 |
Jim |
You play? |
| 35693 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5422 |
Gabe |
Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe. |
| 35694 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5422 |
Jim |
You can't even do that. |
| 35695 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5422 |
Pam |
She's up! Great! |
| 35696 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5423 |
Pam |
Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night. |
| 35697 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Erin |
The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting! |
| 35698 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Phyllis |
Who's that? |
| 35699 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Kelly |
Finn. |
| 35700 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Phyllis |
Who's that? |
| 35701 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Kelly |
Rachel. |
| 35702 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Phyllis |
Which one's Glee? |
| 35703 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Kelly |
You have to stop. |
| 35704 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Michael |
Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin! |
| 35705 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Gabe |
It's a little loud... |
| 35706 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Michael |
Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord! |
| 35707 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Gabe |
Some of us are trying to have a conversation. |
| 35708 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Michael |
Well some of us are trying to have a... |
| 35709 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Gabe |
I'll just turn the captions on. |
| 35710 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Michael |
Well I will turn up the volume. |
| 35711 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Gabe |
That's for the other box. |
| 35712 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5424 |
Michael |
Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it! |
| 35713 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5425 |
Oscar |
That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night... |
| 35714 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5425 |
Kelly |
You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from... |
| 35715 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5425 |
Oscar |
You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book. |
| 35716 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5426 |
Pam |
Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder. |
| 35717 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5426 |
Michael |
Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay? |
| 35718 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5426 |
Pam |
You have a gun in your desk? |
| 35719 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5427 |
Ryan |
Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970's. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say... |
| 35720 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5427 |
Andy |
No what? |
| 35721 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5427 |
Ryan |
What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic. |
| 35722 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5427 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 35723 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5428 |
Michael |
Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated. |
| 35724 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5428 |
Dwight |
Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first. |
| 35725 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5428 |
Pam |
Maybe I should go. |
| 35726 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5428 |
Dwight |
Kelly. Kev- Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby. |
| 35727 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Daryl |
Take a shot. |
| 35728 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Andy |
Oh thanks. |
| 35729 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Daryl |
Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff. |
| 35730 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Andy |
Why does Erin like Gabe? |
| 35731 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Daryl |
Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you. |
| 35732 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Andy |
That's really nice, thank you. |
| 35733 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5429 |
Daryl |
And I'd blow your mind. |
| 35734 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Oscar |
Jim what are you doing? |
| 35735 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Jim |
Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores. |
| 35736 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Oscar |
Flip it back please. |
| 35737 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Jim |
Okay... |
| 35738 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Kelly |
The show's back on, what happened? |
| 35739 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Ryan |
We're behind. |
| 35740 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Oscar |
Go to the recorded version. |
| 35741 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Kelly |
Oh my God what song was that? |
| 35742 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Erin |
I wasn't recording it. |
| 35743 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Oscar |
What?! |
| 35744 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Kelly |
What song was it? |
| 35745 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Erin |
Wait, why do you have to record it? |
| 35746 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Oscar |
This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now! |
| 35747 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Erin |
Jim. |
| 35748 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5430 |
Kelly |
Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? 'Cause we missed it! |
| 35749 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Pam |
If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back. |
| 35750 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Dwight |
That would be nice wouldn't it? |
| 35751 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Pam |
I can't even talk about it. |
| 35752 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Dwight |
You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours. |
| 35753 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Pam |
I kind of doubt Gabe has suit. |
| 35754 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Dwight |
Really? Oh... Then here we are. |
| 35755 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5431 |
Erin |
Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some help so, he was wondering if you could help him. |
| 35756 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5432 |
Andy |
Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor? |
| 35757 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5432 |
Phyllis |
You know your perfumes! |
| 35758 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5432 |
Andy |
My nanny used to wear that. |
| 35759 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5433 |
Andy |
I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! I feel exactly like a seahorse! Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub. |
| 35760 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Erin |
Look who I found! |
| 35761 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find. |
| 35762 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Gabe |
Let's go ahead and wash our hands. |
| 35763 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust? |
| 35764 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Gabe |
Yep! Waste not right? |
| 35765 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se. |
| 35766 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Erin |
Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks, |
| 35767 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
Well... |
| 35768 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Erin |
Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital. |
| 35769 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
He's the longest baby in this room. |
| 35770 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Erin |
What's the longest thing you've ever seen? For me it was the tale from Jets. |
| 35771 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Gabe |
Erin you don't have to... |
| 35772 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
You know what Erin you do have to. |
| 35773 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Gabe |
Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be. |
| 35774 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5434 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 35775 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 35776 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Pam |
It's a miracle. She loves him. |
| 35777 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Jim |
I don't know about, love... |
| 35778 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
She loves me. |
| 35779 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Angela |
Outside my car in two minutes. |
| 35780 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
Well something's come up, I have to go. |
| 35781 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Pam |
No no no no no! She'll wake up! |
| 35782 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
I have something to do. |
| 35783 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Pam |
Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion? |
| 35784 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
I do. But you married my worst enemy. |
| 35785 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Jim |
Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And- |
| 35786 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over. |
| 35787 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Pam |
Absolutely! |
| 35788 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
From Jim. |
| 35789 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Jim |
I don't think that's gonna... |
| 35790 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Pam |
Do it! |
| 35791 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Jim |
What kind of pizza would you like? |
| 35792 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5435 |
Dwight |
Surprise me. No! Pepperoni. |
| 35793 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5436 |
Michael |
Okay... Alright. |
| 35794 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5437 |
TV |
And the winner is, by two votes- |
| 35795 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5437 |
Kelly |
Ahhh! What's going on?!?! |
| 35796 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
Hey Creed, would you read Chinese? |
| 35797 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Creed |
Beleniege! |
| 35798 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
What does this say? |
| 35799 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Creed |
HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow! |
| 35800 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! You throw a lovely party ma lady... |
| 35801 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Erin |
Are you having a good time? |
| 35802 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose? |
| 35803 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Erin |
Andy you look awful! |
| 35804 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
You're four seasons in a day. You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- Put if you put on a blue... It's Spring Time in the Rockies! |
| 35805 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Erin |
Are you alright? |
| 35806 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5438 |
Andy |
No! |
| 35807 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
Insert it in my mouth. |
| 35808 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me. |
| 35809 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
No, try me. |
| 35810 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Pam |
Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it. |
| 35811 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading. |
| 35812 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
Okay... |
| 35813 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
No. Crust first. Okay, now the beer. Beer me Jim. Ssss. Gentle. Now I've gotta go meet Angela. |
| 35814 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Pam |
What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us! |
| 35815 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced. |
| 35816 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
You need to stop talking. |
| 35817 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. s*x contracts exist! |
| 35818 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Pam |
Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight! |
| 35819 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
Yeah sure, Jim could go see her. |
| 35820 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
Okay... |
| 35821 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues. |
| 35822 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me. |
| 35823 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Pam |
No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela. |
| 35824 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
She's in heat. She will eat your face off! |
| 35825 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Pam |
The reverse cycling ends tonight! |
| 35826 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
A single piece of pepperoni please. |
| 35827 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Jim |
I'm not gonna- |
| 35828 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 35829 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5439 |
Kevin |
I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket! |
| 35830 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Andy |
Puts pillow in front of the puke. |
| 35831 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Phyllis |
Are you alright? |
| 35832 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Andy |
Erin likes Gabe. |
| 35833 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Phyllis |
I know. I thought you two were nice together. |
| 35834 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Andy |
Do you think that they've ever... |
| 35835 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Phyllis |
Made love? I don't know. |
| 35836 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Andy |
Well girls tell each other things right? |
| 35837 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5440 |
Phyllis |
I'll see what I can find out. |
| 35838 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Daryl |
Where you been? |
| 35839 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
I just went out for a walk. |
| 35840 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Daryl |
Cable's out. |
| 35841 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
What? Really? That stinks! |
| 35842 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Gabe |
It's still on upstairs. |
| 35843 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure? |
| 35844 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Creed |
Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet. |
| 35845 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
Are you kidding me? |
| 35846 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Creed |
No. |
| 35847 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
Now that's going on? |
| 35848 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Kevin |
I can't believe we're missing that! |
| 35849 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Michael |
Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot. |
| 35850 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Kevin |
Please Michael, just make the Glee happen! |
| 35851 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5441 |
Kelly |
Good luck Michael! |
| 35852 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Phyllis |
Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now? |
| 35853 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Erin |
Oh, uhm, like three months. |
| 35854 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Phyllis |
And I imagine things are starting to heat up? |
| 35855 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Erin |
I don't know. |
| 35856 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Phyllis |
Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical. |
| 35857 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Erin |
I have to go Phyllis. |
| 35858 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5442 |
Phyllis |
Magical... |
| 35859 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Pam |
Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight! |
| 35860 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Angela |
What are you doing here? |
| 35861 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Pam |
I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone. |
| 35862 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Angela |
Are you authorized to do this? |
| 35863 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Pam |
Yes! I have been so authorized. |
| 35864 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Angela |
Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead. |
| 35865 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 35866 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Angela |
Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed? |
| 35867 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Pam |
You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a- |
| 35868 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5443 |
Angela |
You know what Pam just save it. |
| 35869 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
You did this? |
| 35870 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah. |
| 35871 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
Why don't you like him? |
| 35872 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not? |
| 35873 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
Why? I'm not your father. All right. |
| 35874 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
Okay... |
| 35875 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
Go to your room. |
| 35876 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
What? |
| 35877 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
Go to your room young lady! |
| 35878 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
Uhm, I'm not going to my room. |
| 35879 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say. |
| 35880 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
I hate your roof! |
| 35881 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
Oh do not raise your voice to me! |
| 35882 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof! |
| 35883 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Michael |
Gahh, I will pull this car over! |
| 35884 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5444 |
Erin |
I hate it! I hate your car! |
| 35885 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5445 |
Gabe |
See ya Oscar! |
| 35886 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5445 |
Michael |
If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family. |
| 35887 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5446 |
Michael |
Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray. |
| 35888 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Gabe |
What happened? |
| 35889 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Andy |
I accidentally ate some seahorses. |
| 35890 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Gabe |
How much? |
| 35891 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Andy |
I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know. |
| 35892 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Gabe |
I've got just the thing! This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon. |
| 35893 |
7 |
8 |
Viewing Party |
5447 |
Andy |
That's so beautiful. |
| 35894 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
Uh-Oh. Okay, okay, nobody panic. Listen Up, listen up. Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation. |
| 35895 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
My Bad. Space Heater and Fan were both on high, plugged into the same outlet. |
| 35896 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
Uh, it's saying the server went down? Does Anybody know that password? 'Cause otherwise we can't do any work. |
| 35897 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
Uh... try "password". |
| 35898 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 35899 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero. |
| 35900 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
No. |
| 35901 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one. |
| 35902 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
Okay, I'm not doing every number. |
| 35903 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Pam |
Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up? |
| 35904 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
Uh... it was like eight years ago? |
| 35905 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Pam |
Lord of the Ring stuff? I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things that were happening at the time. |
| 35906 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Erin |
Um, everyone was getting their driver's license. |
| 35907 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again? |
| 35908 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso. I think Lozenge was the one who installed it. |
| 35909 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Andy |
I got it, try, um-- |
| 35910 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
You know what? It made me laugh when I heard it, but Pam got really offended. |
| 35911 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Kevin |
Big Boobs. |
| 35912 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Meridith |
Drama Queen? |
| 35913 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Angela |
Nosy? |
| 35914 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Pam |
You're typing "Big Boobs"? |
| 35915 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
I'm trying everything. |
| 35916 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
Try "Big Boobs" with a "Z". |
| 35917 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Jim |
That's-- the password. We're in. |
| 35918 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
All Right |
| 35919 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Kevin |
Wow. |
| 35920 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 35921 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5448 |
Michael |
The important thing is... this kept us secure people. |
| 35922 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5449 |
Michael |
Morning. |
| 35923 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5449 |
Ryan |
How's It Going? |
| 35924 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Ryan |
Hey, I'm WUPHF. |
| 35925 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Michael |
I'm Facebook. |
| 35926 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Ryan |
What's up Facebook? |
| 35927 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Michael |
I sent you a Facebook message yesterday, I still haven't heard anything back. |
| 35928 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Ryan |
You should've sent me a WUPHF. |
| 35929 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Michael |
A what? |
| 35930 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Ryan |
When you send a WUPHF, it goes to your home phone, Email, Facebook, Twitter and homescreen. All at the same time. |
| 35931 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Robotic Voice |
WUPHF. |
| 35932 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Ryan, Michael |
WUPHF! |
| 35933 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5450 |
Michael |
Dot com! |
| 35934 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Ryan |
Thanks Erin. |
| 35935 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Erin |
Sure. |
| 35936 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Erin |
Pam. |
| 35937 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Pam |
Mm-Hmm? |
| 35938 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Erin |
I don't wanna be a lousy snitch. |
| 35939 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 35940 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Erin |
Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, and as Office Administrator-- |
| 35941 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Pam |
Oh, it's okay. |
| 35942 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Erin |
But it's not for-- |
| 35943 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5451 |
Pam |
Let it go. |
| 35944 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5452 |
Pam |
Yes, I invested in WUPHF. It's actually a great idea and I can't believe it didn't exist before. And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim. I've done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set. |
| 35945 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
I think an investor's ski trip is the best idea. It will be a bonding experience. |
| 35946 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
I love it. |
| 35947 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
I was looking at a trail map, and I was thinking that we should start on a bunny hill, because I've never actually been skiing. And then work our way up to death drop. |
| 35948 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company. |
| 35949 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
Your kidding?! |
| 35950 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
We could sell, but why think so small? We can just get a couple more people involved, really do this thing our way. |
| 35951 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
You and me. |
| 35952 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
New Investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today. |
| 35953 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
Don't you work here full-time? |
| 35954 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
Today, I was thinking I would sit down with a few of the people who haven't invested yet. |
| 35955 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
Mm-Hmm. |
| 35956 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
Or we could do that together, if that sounds fun to you. |
| 35957 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Michael |
That does sound fun to me. |
| 35958 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5453 |
Ryan |
Awesome. |
| 35959 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5454 |
Dwight |
Ah, this is good hay. Yeah. This is the good stuff, mattress quality. |
| 35960 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5454 |
Dwight |
Every fall, my Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales for us kids to play in. We called it "Hay Place". Eldred Called it "Hay World". Eventually lawyers were brought in. But that's all behind us. Hay Place lives on! Watch it, watch it. |
| 35961 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
Hello! Welcome to Hay Place! A place for hay. |
| 35962 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Guy |
Don't forget to make a broom. |
| 35963 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
Oh, and the Petting Zoo closes at 2:00, and the Goat Roast is at 3:00. Come on in, enjoy! |
| 35964 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Angela |
Hey, I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. |
| 35965 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
Roll in the hay, five dollars. |
| 35966 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Angela |
No, I meant... |
| 35967 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
Oh, our contract. |
| 35968 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Angela |
Mm-Hmm. |
| 35969 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. Uh... I've got a half an hour during lunch in-between the historical reenactment of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil. |
| 35970 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Angela |
Perfect! |
| 35971 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5455 |
Dwight |
So, uh... Excuse me, get off of there! Those are show bales, not play bales. |
| 35972 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5456 |
Jim |
All right, Thank you, I will--I will send the contracts over right away. All Right. Whoo! |
| 35973 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5457 |
Jim |
I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding Cece, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest--if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything. |
| 35974 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Kevin |
Commission comes out to... dunh-duh-na-dah! Zero. |
| 35975 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Jim |
Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, Kev. |
| 35976 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Kevin |
I entered the sale, and I hit enter, and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" I'm pretty sure I timesed it right. |
| 35977 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Angela |
You met your commission cap last week. So from here until the end of the fiscal year, your commission will be zero. |
| 35978 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? We--we have a commission cap? |
| 35979 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Angela |
It's a new corporate policy. |
| 35980 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5458 |
Kevin |
Dunh-duh-na-dah! |
| 35981 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Gabe |
Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? I mean, isn't this where you fell in love? |
| 35982 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Jim |
A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. So you realize I now have no reason to work, right? |
| 35983 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Gabe |
When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked feels almost passive-aggressive. But I deal with it. 'Cause it's policy. See what I mean? |
| 35984 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 35985 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Gabe |
Nudity makes me uncomfortable. |
| 35986 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 35987 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5459 |
Gabe |
My gym allows it. I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So I respect it, and I just-- keep a low--you know, I look away. Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room. |
| 35988 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
Excuse me, everyone... s*x! Now that I have your attention... |
| 35989 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Stanley |
You don't have our attention. |
| 35990 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
MONEY! |
| 35991 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Stanley |
I'm listening. |
| 35992 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Kevin |
You had me at "s*x." |
| 35993 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
Pervert. |
| 35994 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Phyllis |
You have all of our attention just by screaming anything. |
| 35995 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
That's good to know. |
| 35996 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Pam |
What do you want to say, Michael? |
| 35997 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
Wuphf! All right, I've warmed them up for you. You have the floor, Ryan. |
| 35998 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Ryan |
How's everybody doing?! |
| 35999 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Michael |
Whoo! |
| 36000 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5460 |
Ryan |
Good! Now, a lot of you have already staked out your corner of the WUPHF empire. Raise your hand if I'm describing you. |
| 36001 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5461 |
Stanley |
Yes, I have a dream. And It's not some M.L.K. Dream for Equality. I want to own a decommissioned Lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and it'll launch that lighthouse into space. |
| 36002 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Ryan |
For my current investors, things are going great. |
| 36003 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Michael |
We already have a buyer. |
| 36004 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Pam |
Really?! Who?! |
| 36005 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Ryan |
Washington University. I don't even want to think about selling until our numbers get into the billions. |
| 36006 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Michael |
At least. |
| 36007 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Ryan |
So I've decided to open up a second round of investment to friends and family. |
| 36008 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5462 |
Phyllis |
Oh, God. Hold on to your wallets, ladies. |
| 36009 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Oscar |
Did you ever think of WUPHF as an emergency notification system, like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks? |
| 36010 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Ryan |
No, no--Oscar, it's not--it's not a digital rape whistle. WUPHF is about fun. |
| 36011 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Michael |
That's right! |
| 36012 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Ryan |
Fun, communication, connection. |
| 36013 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Oscar |
What's your money situation? |
| 36014 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Ryan |
Well, it's tight, as with any start-up. |
| 36015 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Oscar |
Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion? |
| 36016 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Ryan |
We have nine solid days. I love these questions. Keep 'em coming. |
| 36017 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Andy |
I'm sorry, nine days until what? |
| 36018 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Oscar |
Bankruptcy? |
| 36019 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Michael |
Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend? |
| 36020 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Oscar |
How long do you think a week is? |
| 36021 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5463 |
Michael |
No, not this weekend; next weekend. We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. I bought poles. |
| 36022 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5464 |
Jim |
Well, since I have no incentive to sell, I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin. So... what now? |
| 36023 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Jim |
Pam. Okay, now I've tried everything. |
| 36024 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Pam |
Did you prank Dwight? |
| 36025 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Jim |
No. |
| 36026 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Pam |
Well, you like that. |
| 36027 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Jim |
Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work. |
| 36028 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5465 |
Pam |
I love you, but I'm kinda busy. So I need you to figure this one out on your own. |
| 36029 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Pam |
Oscar said WUPHF only has enough money for nine days. |
| 36030 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Ryan |
Check this out. |
| 36031 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Erin |
All that color. |
| 36032 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Michael |
Look at that. Triple your investment by January. |
| 36033 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Andy |
Anyone can just throw numbes up on a chart. What are you doing to make it happen? |
| 36034 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Ryan |
Well, earlier today, I was emailing someone by the name of John Legend. |
| 36035 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Michael |
There you go. |
| 36036 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Andy |
You have his email? |
| 36037 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Ryan |
A lot of these guys are just Mac.com, @ their website, whatever. We get that guy WUPHFing, it's all over. |
| 36038 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Stanley |
I want my money back. |
| 36039 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Michael |
Do not talk like that, Stanley. |
| 36040 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Pam |
Ryan, just tell us your plan. |
| 36041 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5466 |
Ryan |
Okay, all right. I know what you wanna see. I'll be right back. |
| 36042 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5467 |
Dwight |
Hey kids, was that fun? |
| 36043 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5467 |
Kids |
Yeah! |
| 36044 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5467 |
Dwight |
All Right! |
| 36045 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5467 |
Kid |
I wanna go on it again. |
| 36046 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5467 |
Dwight |
Oh, I bet you do. You know what? When I was a little kid, they couldn't get me off the hayride! But it's gonna cost you three more bucks. |
| 36047 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5468 |
Dwight |
Wow! This brings back memories. Hay stacking, hay throwing... and at the end of it all, one lucky boy would be crowned Hay King. I always wanted to be Hay King. The world shines on Mose. |
| 36048 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Angela |
Where have you been?! I've been waiting. |
| 36049 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Dwight |
Uh, can we move this to the end of the day? |
| 36050 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Angela |
No, I--I think you should make time for it. |
| 36051 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Little Girl |
I found the needle in the haystack! |
| 36052 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Dwight |
Hey, congratulations! Do you know what your prize is? |
| 36053 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Little Girl |
I don't know! |
| 36054 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Dwight |
Nothing. Life Lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing. |
| 36055 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5469 |
Angela |
Dwight? |
| 36056 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Ryan |
WUPHF T-Shirts. Who wants one? Just imagine that you're at spring break, Daytona Beach. |
| 36057 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Michael |
Here we go. |
| 36058 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Ryan |
Everyone's like, "Hey Dude, whats up with all the hotties in the WUPHF shirts?" Or, Uh, "Hey, what's up with that helicopter? It's Ry from WUPHF!" |
| 36059 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Michael |
"It's Ryan the WUPHF guy!" |
| 36060 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Ryan |
"Yo, Ry from WUPHF!" |
| 36061 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Michael |
"He's up there." |
| 36062 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Ryan |
"What's he dropping?! Wow, what's falling on us, man?!" WUPHF condoms! 50,000 condoms out of the sky! |
| 36063 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Michael |
Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground! |
| 36064 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Daryl |
Look, this is a marketing campgain. You got nine days. Let's say you do get the money. What are you going to do with it? |
| 36065 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Ryan |
The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually, is that you only think about the user, the experience. You actually don't think about the money. Ever. |
| 36066 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Andy |
That sounds weird. |
| 36067 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Michael |
No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? We have an offer from Washington University. So monetize that. |
| 36068 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5470 |
Kelly |
Are you guys meeting about WUPHF? You know that that was my idea, right? |
| 36069 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Kelly |
I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, and you don't have your phone. I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, and I could just be like this little dog going, 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'" |
| 36070 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
Baby, Baby, Baby-- |
| 36071 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Kelly |
I think I'm gonna stay here. |
| 36072 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
No, no, no, no, no. |
| 36073 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Kelly |
I do, I do. This isn't right. |
| 36074 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
I help you with your things and you help me with my things. |
| 36075 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Kelly |
But I--it's not right. |
| 36076 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
I got this, it's okay. Don't worry about this. |
| 36077 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Daryl |
Is it any particular branch of Washington University? |
| 36078 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
The Washington University Public Health Fund. |
| 36079 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Daryl |
W.U.P.H.F. |
| 36080 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Pam |
Oh, God! |
| 36081 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Daryl |
They only want it for the initials. |
| 36082 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
The domain name. Yeah, they do. |
| 36083 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Pam |
I move we sell! |
| 36084 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Michael |
What? |
| 36085 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Daryl |
Yeah, sell! |
| 36086 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Andy |
Yeah, sell. |
| 36087 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Pam |
Sell. |
| 36088 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Stanley |
Get us out of this! |
| 36089 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
Have some faith in this idea! |
| 36090 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Daryl |
If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right? |
| 36091 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Michael |
I won't sell. And you know what? Ryan and I have the majority of shares. Isn't that right? |
| 36092 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Ryan |
Yes. You alone do, actually. |
| 36093 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5471 |
Michael |
I--yes. We're not selling. I will not sell. |
| 36094 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5472 |
Kevin |
Awesome! |
| 36095 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
Do you mind if we share this bale? |
| 36096 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Sure. |
| 36097 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there? |
| 36098 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Probably. |
| 36099 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
I mean, wouldn't you think the ten dollars to build your own broom would include the hay and not just the instructions? |
| 36100 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Mm-Hmm. |
| 36101 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
I mean, I'm starting to think this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday. |
| 36102 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Yeah, instead of Hay Place, it should be pay place. Don't laugh at me. |
| 36103 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
No, no, no, I wasn't--I was just laughing at your joke. |
| 36104 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Oh. |
| 36105 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
Pay Place. |
| 36106 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Mm. Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-Me-Your-Money Day. |
| 36107 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Man |
That's humorous. |
| 36108 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Angela |
Thank You. |
| 36109 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5473 |
Kevin |
You guys know how to get out? |
| 36110 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Hi, Michael. |
| 36111 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
Can't talk, saving the planet. |
| 36112 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Oh, we don't recycle. |
| 36113 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
We Don't? Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors? |
| 36114 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
I'm sure no one asked you to do that. |
| 36115 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
Eight Years. |
| 36116 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Listen, I know you really like Ryan-- |
| 36117 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
No, I won't even consider it. |
| 36118 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Michael, I... I hate to say this, but... you know this special bond that you've always felt with Ryan, where, like, you're best friends or you're his mentor or something? |
| 36119 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor. |
| 36120 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Michael, I think that feeling only goes one way. And I think that Ryan knows that, and he's taking advantage of you. |
| 36121 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
I think you are wrong. |
| 36122 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
And there are a lot of other people in this office who have money at stake. Other people you care about. |
| 36123 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
You may be right. I may be crazy. |
| 36124 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Don't. |
| 36125 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point. |
| 36126 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing. |
| 36127 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
I thought it might make me feel better. |
| 36128 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Pam |
Okay. Go Ahead. |
| 36129 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5474 |
Michael |
But it just may be a lunatic... No. |
| 36130 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Jim |
Oh, nice, wasting time, here we go. |
| 36131 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Meridith |
Hey, back off. It's Solitare. |
| 36132 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Creed |
Hey, kid--hear you're looking for work. |
| 36133 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Jim |
Talk to me. |
| 36134 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Creed |
How far can you reach those Lovely long arms of yours? Eh, put 'em down. How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? Good. |
| 36135 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Gabe |
Hey, Jim? Are you distracting these people? |
| 36136 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5475 |
Creed |
We're working. |
| 36137 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5476 |
Jo |
"The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, "You're Too Fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. "I love you, you Gay b*st*rd," I said. "You Gay b*st*rd," I s--. "Gay Ba--" "Gay B--"" |
| 36138 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Michael, how's it going, bro? |
| 36139 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Good, good, bro. |
| 36140 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there. |
| 36141 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Always have your back. So, any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here? |
| 36142 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
I have nothing but ideas. The thing is, they all require money. |
| 36143 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Nine days, though. That's, like... |
| 36144 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Look, I know I've tapped you so hard. |
| 36145 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Yes, you have tapped this. Hard. |
| 36146 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Oh, you are funny, Michael. You--people, people don't give you enough credit. |
| 36147 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo. |
| 36148 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Well, a lot of people are doing that. And there don't seem to be any consequences. And they say the rates have never been lower. |
| 36149 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
So you would think that's a good idea for me to do? |
| 36150 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Think about this. You and me on a private plane flown by our private pilot-- |
| 36151 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Mm-Hmm. |
| 36152 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef. |
| 36153 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so... |
| 36154 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
We totally should. |
| 36155 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Tonight? |
| 36156 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
I gotta work on this. |
| 36157 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Michael |
Oh right. What am I saying? Rain Check. |
| 36158 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5477 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 36159 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5478 |
Dwight |
And now, by show of applause, We will crown this year's hay king. All in favor of Purebred. Put your hands together for... Mixed Bread. And let's hear it for... Purebred. Mm. It appears we have a three-way tie. I have no choice but to pick the Hay King myself. I pick... Me! I am your Hay King! All Hail your Hay King! |
| 36160 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5479 |
Dwight |
Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes. |
| 36161 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Man |
So, if I were to call Dunder Mifflin and ask for Miss Angela Martin, would I get through to you? |
| 36162 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Angela |
You would. And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife, would I get through to you? |
| 36163 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Man |
My wife passed away a few years ago. |
| 36164 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Angela |
How tragic. Very sorry to hear that. |
| 36165 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Man |
Thank You. |
| 36166 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5480 |
Kevin |
Help! Hello?! Oh! Help! |
| 36167 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Daryl |
Consider it a WUPHF in person. |
| 36168 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Andy |
Your doing the wrong thing. You're gonna lose Michael's investment. You're gonna lose ours. |
| 36169 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Daryl |
You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. Tell Mike To Sell. |
| 36170 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Andy |
If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell. |
| 36171 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Ryan |
I'm betting on myself. |
| 36172 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Stanley |
It's a bad bet. |
| 36173 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 36174 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Ryan |
Hey. It's an ambush here. Nobody here believes in this company. Will you tell them they're wrong? |
| 36175 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Daryl |
It's not that we don't believe in the company, We don't believe in you. |
| 36176 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Andy |
All those in favor of selling, say aye. |
| 36177 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Michael |
I. Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay. |
| 36178 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Daryl |
What is wrong with you? What happened to you in High School? |
| 36179 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Stanley |
Michael, are you that blind? |
| 36180 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Michael |
I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is. He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend. And he's also clever. And he shoots incredibly high. And he may just make it. But you know what? Even if he doesn't, I would rather go broke betting on my people, than get rich all by myself, on some island like a castaway. And there is no middle ground. |
| 36181 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Andy |
You're gonna lose all of our money. |
| 36182 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Michael |
Only if he fails. And you know what? Ryan, I believe in you. Just like I believe in all of you. You have nine days to save everybody's money. |
| 36183 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Ryan |
Oh... Uh, That's a lot of pressure. I--I'm gonna need some more time. |
| 36184 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Michael |
You can't have it. |
| 36185 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5481 |
Ryan |
Okay. I won't let you down. |
| 36186 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5482 |
Dwight |
Angela? Angela! |
| 36187 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5483 |
Michael |
The world sends people your way... Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That's easy. Gimme a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam's a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two. But sometimes twos can be wild. So watch out. And I am obviously the joker. So... That's Uh... |
| 36188 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5483 |
Robotic Voice |
WUPHF, from Ryan Howard. Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride. |
| 36189 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5483 |
Michael |
Thank God. |
| 36190 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Gabe |
Gabe Lewis. |
| 36191 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Jo |
: Now listen here, Gabe, you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. I made some changes to my book. See if you like them. |
| 36192 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Gabe |
Well, Jo-- |
| 36193 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Jo |
Now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. Shut up and listen, you gay b*st*rd. Chapter One. I was born, not into luxary, nor poverty. But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord. My Father was a man. That's all we can know. After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me. I would ride up Magnolia Stree and down Azalea Lane. Which would later become my-- |
| 36194 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Jim |
All right, good night, Gabe. Just wanted to say thanks again. 'Cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! Sorry. |
| 36195 |
7 |
9 |
WUPHF.com |
5484 |
Jo |
I've always been a fighter. And Fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, the first being a hard-- |
| 36196 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Jim |
Why? |
| 36197 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Dwight |
Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes. |
| 36198 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Pam |
Do you mind? |
| 36199 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry Pam, allow me to write you an apology letter. |
| 36200 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Pam |
You don't have to do that. |
| 36201 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Dwight |
D-E-A. Oop, backspace. A. Dear. |
| 36202 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Jim |
Ahh, Thank you hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do. |
| 36203 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Jim |
Oh, don't worry about it. Dwight, its okay. You were wrong. |
| 36204 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Dwight |
Uhh, aah! |
| 36205 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5485 |
Jim |
Well, A for effort right? |
| 36206 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Hank |
Welcome, start your morning right with a burst of blueberry. Or try plain. |
| 36207 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Andy |
What's the occasion? |
| 36208 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Hank |
Dwight said this entry was a waste of space. |
| 36209 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Andy |
I would like a muffa du blueberry por favor. |
| 36210 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Hank |
Eight dollars. |
| 36211 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5486 |
Andy |
Eight dollars? |
| 36212 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5487 |
Dwight |
Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I've surrounded the enemy, and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money. |
| 36213 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
Mmhmm, China. China. |
| 36214 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Erin |
How was the dentist? |
| 36215 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
It was great. China. |
| 36216 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Pam |
Are you okay, what's wrong? |
| 36217 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
Everything here was made in China, Pam. |
| 36218 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Andy |
Yeah, its where they make stuff. |
| 36219 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
They used to make stuff in America, Andy. But we're falling behind, did you know that? China is a sleeping dragon that is just beginning to stir. |
| 36220 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Erin |
Oh, no. |
| 36221 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
Yeah, right here. It is right there. Anybody read the news any more? |
| 36222 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Dwight |
China is on the move? |
| 36223 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5488 |
Michael |
I found that in the waiting room at the dentist's office. This kid had the magazine I wanted to read, that's the only one I could reach and I read it and then I read it again. |
| 36224 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5489 |
Michael |
My whole life I believed that America was number one, that was the saying. Not America is number two. England is number two. China should be like eight. |
| 36225 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Darryl |
Hey Andy. |
| 36226 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Andy |
Hey Darryl. |
| 36227 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Darryl |
You gotta stop texting me so much. |
| 36228 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Andy |
But I wanted you to know that Michael and I are wearing the same tie today. It's insane. |
| 36229 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Darryl |
You need to change your standard for what's worthy of a text. Ask yourself is this something Darryl needs to know. The answers almost always no. |
| 36230 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Andy |
Got it. Then I will call you. |
| 36231 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5490 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 36232 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5491 |
Darryl |
There was a time when the only people who texted you were people you wanted to text you. Girls. And they'd all say the same thing. "I'm coming over baby." And I would text back "BTB", bring that booty. |
| 36233 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Stanley |
Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply? |
| 36234 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry, isn't that good enough for your anus? Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is. |
| 36235 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Umm, Stanley. Maybe you could just unspool a little more each time you need to... |
| 36236 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Stanley |
Don't tell me how to do my business. |
| 36237 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
Stanley, as a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee I feel for you. But, like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner. |
| 36238 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Jim |
Which is you. |
| 36239 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
"Which is you" is not a sentence. |
| 36240 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Jim |
I disagree with. |
| 36241 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Stanley |
Are you just gonna sit there, Office Administrator, or are you going to do something? |
| 36242 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Dwight, can we talk about these cutbacks. |
| 36243 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
Pam, when I'm sitting at this desk, I'm a salesman. If you wanna talk to the new building owner, you should call Nate and schedule and appointment. |
| 36244 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
I'm not going to do that. |
| 36245 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
Well then you're not going to talk to the new building owner. Which is a shame, because I hear he's a very reasonable guy. |
| 36246 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Nate |
Y'ello. |
| 36247 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Hi Nate, Its Pam Halpert. |
| 36248 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Nate |
Oh, hey Pam. |
| 36249 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Hey, I would just love to schedule a meeting today with Dwight. |
| 36250 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Nate |
Let me put you on hold for just one 'eensy sec. |
| 36251 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 36252 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. Mhm. Tell her I'm busy. I don't know, make something up. |
| 36253 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Nate |
Hey Pam, Dwight's being questioned by the police in connection with a string of dog-nappings that ha... |
| 36254 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Pam |
Dwight. Dwight. Can you please tell new building owner that he is screwing over all the people he works with, people he's worked with for years. His friends. |
| 36255 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5492 |
Dwight |
You know what Pam? You're right. This isn't just a business. This is a home, and I would much rather see a smile from Kevin than save hundreds on plumbing and electricity. |
| 36256 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Erin |
Oh my God. |
| 36257 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Michael |
What? |
| 36258 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Erin |
According to the internet, the tallest man in the world is Chinese. |
| 36259 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Michael |
So much for keeping our secrets up high. |
| 36260 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Erin |
What's America gonna do? |
| 36261 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5493 |
Michael |
I know what we're going to do. We're going to put our best minds on it. |
| 36262 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
Everybody stop working. I want you all to imagine a world in which America is not the number one superpower, where forks are irrelevant, and where every man, woman and child is expected to learn how to play the cello. Now open your eyes. |
| 36263 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Angela |
You never told us to close them. |
| 36264 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
Welcome to your future. |
| 36265 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Phyllis |
What do we do? How do we stop this? |
| 36266 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
How do we stop it? With a big idea. That's what America is built on, big ideas. Blue jeans, the Grand Canyon. Whose got one, whose got a big idea? |
| 36267 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Pam |
An idea bigger than the Grand Canyon? |
| 36268 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
Yes, indeed. Yes Kevin. |
| 36269 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Kevin |
An antacid that you only take once a week. |
| 36270 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
Once a week antacid is the idea to beat. Anyone else? Nobody? Okay then we are... yes. |
| 36271 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Kevin |
Michael! An antacid pill that you take once every six weeks. |
| 36272 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Stanley |
Why not just go one for the year? |
| 36273 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
I don't know. |
| 36274 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Kevin |
It's too big of a pill to swallow. |
| 36275 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 36276 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5494 |
Erin |
What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy. I bet you guys like that idea don't you? |
| 36277 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5495 |
Erin |
I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing. |
| 36278 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
I don't know what the that was. |
| 36279 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Dwight |
I say we bomb 'em. By 2020, they're gonna be the world's largest economy and they're getting a taste for protein. We'll all starve. |
| 36280 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, Dwight's right we should drop a bomb. |
| 36281 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
No he's not right. We're not. Where would we even drop it, Phyllis? Did you know that in China there are fifty six cities with over a million people? You know how many we have here? Nine. |
| 36282 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Actually, that's not true. I know the figure you're referring to, and it's a projection of fifteen years from now. |
| 36283 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Kevin |
Thank God. |
| 36284 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
No, no. That is right now. |
| 36285 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Michael, China's agrarian. Urbanizing fast? You bet 'cha, but still agrarian. |
| 36286 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
In terms of land, not population. |
| 36287 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Come on Michael. You can... |
| 36288 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
No, no you're wrong about this. |
| 36289 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Where are you getting this information? |
| 36290 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Michael |
I got it from NewYorkTimes.com |
| 36291 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Kevin |
Uh oh, getting nervous Oscar? |
| 36292 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Jim |
Okay, someone look it up. |
| 36293 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Ryan |
I'm on it Jim. I'm on it. |
| 36294 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Guys its not worth it really. Guys this is not worth our time. |
| 36295 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Darryl |
"Are you watching this?" Seriously? |
| 36296 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Andy |
Well are you? |
| 36297 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Darryl |
I'm sitting right here. |
| 36298 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Ryan |
Got it. China has fifty six cities with a population of over one million. The US has... nine. |
| 36299 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Meredith |
Suck it Oscar. |
| 36300 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Jim |
Well on the plus side all this worrying about China has made you smarter than Oscar, Michael. |
| 36301 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5496 |
Oscar |
Great. I was wrong. I'm wrong. Is everyone happy? |
| 36302 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5497 |
Michael |
So I happen to know more than the smartest guy in the office. So what? I don't care. |
| 36303 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5498 |
Michael |
Okay, now where were we before I bested Oscar? |
| 36304 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Meredith |
Wow, so this building can get uglier. |
| 36305 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Stanley |
I will not work in a roach billboard. |
| 36306 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Gabe |
Oh my God, I can't look at roaches. |
| 36307 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Angela |
Michael do something about this. |
| 36308 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Michael |
Absolutely, Pam this is exactly why I hired you as Office Administrator, handle it. Taking care of business. |
| 36309 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Pam |
Dwight take it down. |
| 36310 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Pam |
I'm serious, take it down or else. |
| 36311 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Dwight |
Or else? Or else what? There's nothing you can do. |
| 36312 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5499 |
Pam |
We can move out. |
| 36313 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5500 |
Angela |
Really? |
| 36314 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
So, does anyone wanna know where I've been for the last 2 hours? |
| 36315 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Jim |
Oh God, I've been playing Zombie Soccer for two hours? |
| 36316 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
I went out to look for a better office space. |
| 36317 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Dwight |
Waste of time. |
| 36318 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Not really, because I found one. |
| 36319 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Jim |
Oh wow, these are nice. |
| 36320 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Yup. |
| 36321 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Dwight |
Let me see. |
| 36322 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Look at the huge offices Jim, check out that conference room. |
| 36323 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. Totally. |
| 36324 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Dwight |
You can't just move out. |
| 36325 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Oh in three months we can. Check the lease, and if you don't undo all the changes you've made, we're moving. Hey guys, can I show you some pictures. |
| 36326 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Andy |
Oh my gosh she is so cute. She looks like both of you. |
| 36327 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
They're not of Cece. |
| 36328 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Andy |
Oh, cool. |
| 36329 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
This is possibly our new Dunder Mifflin office. |
| 36330 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Phyllis |
Well I like being in the same building as Bob. Keeps me honest. |
| 36331 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Well, this building isn't far, and its much newer. There's a dry cleaner, nail place and a gym. Oh, and it's next-door to and Outback so it always smells like steak. |
| 36332 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Stanley |
Are you trying to kill me? |
| 36333 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Kelly |
Is the nail place Koreans or whites? |
| 36334 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
Koreans. |
| 36335 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Kelly |
Good. And the dry cleaners? |
| 36336 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Pam |
White. |
| 36337 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5501 |
Kelly |
Good. |
| 36338 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Jim |
Woah, there is a lot of brainpower in this room. We've got Michael and Oscar, the two smartest guys in the office, also in that order. |
| 36339 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Oscar |
Funny Jim. That is funny. |
| 36340 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Michael |
Very comedically humorous Jim. |
| 36341 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Kelly |
I have a computer question. Hey Oscar? |
| 36342 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Oscar |
What is it? |
| 36343 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Kelly |
Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael? |
| 36344 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Oscar |
Alright. Alright I get it. |
| 36345 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Kelly |
Michael, how do I create a new tab? |
| 36346 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Michael |
Try 'Control P'. |
| 36347 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Oscar |
That's print. |
| 36348 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Michael |
Not if the printer isn't hooked up. You are making some very dangerous assumptions Oscar. |
| 36349 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Kelly |
Oscar it must be killing you to know that Michael is smarter than you. |
| 36350 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Oscar |
He's... he's not smarter than me, he was just right about one thing. |
| 36351 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but it was a really smart thing to be right about, actually. |
| 36352 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5502 |
Ryan |
Actually, it was. |
| 36353 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5503 |
Jim |
Around here, Oscar is known as 'actually' because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts, or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican. |
| 36354 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Darryl |
Megan Fox. Question mark. What's that mean? |
| 36355 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Andy |
Megan Fox! Come on! |
| 36356 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Darryl |
You know what, you're one bad text away from getting blocked. |
| 36357 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Andy |
Yes, but one good text away from a high five. |
| 36358 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Darryl |
You accept these terms? |
| 36359 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5504 |
Andy |
Oh, its on. |
| 36360 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Dwight |
In your perfect would, what would make this building awesome? I'm putting together kind of a wish list. |
| 36361 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Kevin |
Well, I wish for a million wishes. |
| 36362 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Dwight |
Yeah, no. I'm not a genie. I'm just talking about a... |
| 36363 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Kevin |
Then see you later building. |
| 36364 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Dwight |
You can't possibly be serious. |
| 36365 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Kevin |
I said see you later building. |
| 36366 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Oscar |
Hey Michael. |
| 36367 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 36368 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Oscar |
I was thinking about some of the stuff you said earlier about China. |
| 36369 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Mmm. |
| 36370 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Oscar |
I'd love to talk more about it. |
| 36371 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 36372 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Oscar |
Maybe over some coffee later? |
| 36373 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Sure. |
| 36374 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Jim |
Woah, woah, woah. Do you know what you just agreed to? |
| 36375 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Coffee Jim. |
| 36376 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Jim |
No. |
| 36377 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Andy |
It is not just coffee. |
| 36378 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Jim |
He's trying to set you up Michael. What's going to happen is he's going to try and bring up what ever you're talking about in a very casual way, but secretly he'll be trying to trip you up, and when he does, boom, its awful. Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him? |
| 36379 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 36380 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Andy |
And then he will smugly pay the cheque and make you feel so small. |
| 36381 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
Alright, well I just need to learn everything about China. To be safe I should learn everything about everything but I don't have time. Okay, okay, I'll just learn about China and science and geography and math and literary. |
| 36382 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Jim |
No politics? |
| 36383 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5505 |
Michael |
I'm pretty good on politics. "California is bankrupt, and California, California." What? |
| 36384 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5506 |
Dwight |
Parley, my office, five minutes. |
| 36385 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5506 |
Pam |
Parley? |
| 36386 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5506 |
Creed |
Pirate code, he wants to meet. |
| 36387 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5506 |
Pam |
So everyone here knows pirate code? |
| 36388 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5506 |
Creed |
I understand it, I can't speak it. |
| 36389 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Dwight |
Pam, I am not an unreasonable man. If you guys stay, I will stop watering down the soap. |
| 36390 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Pam |
You've been watering down the soap? |
| 36391 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Dwight |
Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom? |
| 36392 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Pam |
We need everything back the way it was. |
| 36393 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Dwight |
You don't wanna move. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You'll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart, and twenty five years from now, Cece will become world famous... for stripping. |
| 36394 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5507 |
Pam |
That's a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow, the bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter Cece dances on your grave... fully clothed. |
| 36395 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Ryan |
Where is Tibet? |
| 36396 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
Pass. |
| 36397 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Ryan |
When was China founded? |
| 36398 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
Pass. |
| 36399 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Jim |
Two for two, keep it up. |
| 36400 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Ryan |
Who is Mao? |
| 36401 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
Lifeline. |
| 36402 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Andy |
Damn it. Michael, you are moments away from the smack down of your life. If you don't know something, steer the conversation back to something you do know. |
| 36403 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
I could talk about boobs. I bet he knows nothing about boobs. |
| 36404 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Jim |
What do you know about boobs? |
| 36405 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Andy |
Michael, I have to tell you something it's from Rocky II. |
| 36406 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 36407 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Andy |
This guy doesn't just wanna win. Y'know, he want's to bury you. He wants to humiliate you! |
| 36408 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
Wait, wait, wait. How long is this going to take? |
| 36409 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Andy |
I'm like a quarter of the way through. |
| 36410 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
Is it going to be worth it? |
| 36411 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Andy |
No. |
| 36412 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Ryan |
Just in case Michael, I made you a cheat sheet. |
| 36413 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Michael |
I don't need to cheat. |
| 36414 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5508 |
Jim |
Show him how to use it. |
| 36415 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Nate |
Ten thousand seven hundred and six. |
| 36416 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
Here it is, right here, pull over. Oh my God. No way. Man, look at that. |
| 36417 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Nate |
Yeah. |
| 36418 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
There's no building. This could only mean one thing. |
| 36419 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Nate |
The building's underground? |
| 36420 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
She was lying. Oh, Pam, Pam... |
| 36421 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight, Nate |
Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam. |
| 36422 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Passer-by |
Yeah? |
| 36423 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Nate |
Pam. Pam? |
| 36424 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 36425 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Passer-by |
I'm Pam. |
| 36426 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 36427 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Nate |
No you're not. |
| 36428 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry. We have a colleague with the same name. |
| 36429 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Passer-by |
Oh, that's fine. |
| 36430 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
So, okay. You're not a liar too are you? |
| 36431 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Passer-by |
I've been known to bend the truth. |
| 36432 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
Damn it, Pam. Get out. Right now. Leave it, I mean it. Get the hell out of here. Go. |
| 36433 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Passer-by |
Okay. |
| 36434 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5509 |
Dwight |
I can't wait to do to Pam, what I just did... to Pam. |
| 36435 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
Hey Pam. |
| 36436 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 36437 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
Y'know what, I'm the only one here who you haven't asked about the new office. |
| 36438 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
I know, because you're the reason we're moving. |
| 36439 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but I'm still an employee here, and that part of me is really excited about the change of scenery. What's the square footage in the new place? |
| 36440 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
Uhh, I think it's something like umm... |
| 36441 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
What's the exact square footage. |
| 36442 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
Umm, let me see. |
| 36443 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
How many offices are there? Oh I'll just look at the one sheet myself. |
| 36444 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
Oh, actually I don't know what I did with the one sheet. Y'know, that's the problem. You only have one sheet. |
| 36445 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Dwight |
You're a funny guy Pam. What's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you move in to the new office? I'm going to walk down the hall and say "Wow, I can't believe this is real, but it is." I can't wait. |
| 36446 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5510 |
Pam |
Mmhmm. |
| 36447 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
I lied about some aspects of the building. |
| 36448 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
It's still on a bike path though right? |
| 36449 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
There's no building... it doesn't exist. |
| 36450 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
What does that mean? |
| 36451 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing, I don't wanna... |
| 36452 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
What? |
| 36453 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
Fail. I don't want to fail... again. |
| 36454 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
But you didn't fail. |
| 36455 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales. |
| 36456 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
And you didn't fail those things either. |
| 36457 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Pam |
Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it? |
| 36458 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5511 |
Jim |
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. |
| 36459 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5512 |
Oscar |
Michael, the reason I asked you down here for this chat is that I've been thinking that your fears about China are a bit exaggerated. |
| 36460 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5512 |
Michael |
Did you know, that China has a new missile, that can sink a US Naval Carrier nine hundred miles off the coast? |
| 36461 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5512 |
Oscar |
We have missiles too. |
| 36462 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5512 |
Michael |
Did you also know that China has secretly been expanding its nuclear arsenal. But what do I know, I mean, that's just according to the Pentagon. Our Pentagon. |
| 36463 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5513 |
Nate |
I wasn't here. |
| 36464 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5513 |
Pam |
What? |
| 36465 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5513 |
Nate |
I wasn't here. It's a pretty common saying. You may want to log it away for future use. |
| 36466 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5513 |
Pam |
Well thanks. |
| 36467 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5513 |
Nate |
Yeah. |
| 36468 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5514 |
Michael |
China has been loaning us billions upon billions of dollars. We are going to be owing them for the rest of our lives. And they will control us. |
| 36469 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5514 |
Oscar |
Actually, we're in a mild recession right now. I'll give you that, but people use China as the boogie man for all their problems. In the nineteen eighties, it was Japan. |
| 36470 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5514 |
Michael |
How then do you explain that in the past year manufacturing in China has risen by 17% and in the US it has only risen by 8%? |
| 36471 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5514 |
Oscar |
Do you really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator of where the world economy's heading in 2011? Do you know the comparative expansion of say the information sector? I'd say that's far more relevant. Wouldn't you? |
| 36472 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5514 |
Michael |
Don't... I... |
| 36473 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Pam |
Hello, hello. You're breaking the law. |
| 36474 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Dwight |
Impossible, I love the law. |
| 36475 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Pam |
Read article nineteen. There are suitable standards that you have to maintain the building at that includes comfortable temperatures and adequate lighting. It also means no more cutting the tampons in two, and no more tampering with the toilet paper. |
| 36476 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Dwight |
I see I've underestimated you, and I didn't think that was possible. Nate, reply the paper. |
| 36477 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Nate |
I don't think it goes that way. |
| 36478 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5515 |
Dwight |
Reply it! |
| 36479 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
Don't worry about the coffee, its on me. |
| 36480 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
Yeah, I figured that. |
| 36481 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
Michael, I am so happy that we were able to have this little chat. |
| 36482 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
Wait. You forgetting something? |
| 36483 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 36484 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
This chat. Two men, one white, one latina. A boss and a money cruncher. I could fire you. |
| 36485 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Erin |
Fire him. No, show mercy. |
| 36486 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
Here we are. |
| 36487 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
What's your point. |
| 36488 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
My point is... that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the USA. |
| 36489 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 36490 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Erin |
Right, yes. |
| 36491 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
I am talking about freedom, about choice. America, I don't think you need to worry. Because if you want to beat China you will. If you don't, that's fine. That my friend, is your victory. Y'know, a lot of people say if you dig long enough and hard enough you will get to China, and that may be the true, but what they don't tell you is that if you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend. So here is to conversation. |
| 36492 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
That's not. |
| 36493 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Michael |
Raise your cups on high. Case closed. |
| 36494 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5516 |
Oscar |
That wasn't what we were discu... That wasn't the whole... |
| 36495 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5517 |
Dwight |
They say the best vampires don't bleed their victims dry, but give them the strength so that they can bounce back only to be fed on again. I spared Pam, and I may feast off of her profits for years to come. I let Pam win. Haha, oh. I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. Not motivated by compassion. |
| 36496 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5518 |
Darryl |
Come to parking lot. Crazy pigeon action? |
| 36497 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5519 |
Andy |
Shhh. You're gonna scare 'em away. |
| 36498 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5519 |
Darryl |
That's a text. |
| 36499 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5519 |
Andy |
Yeah. Right. |
| 36500 |
7 |
10 |
China |
5519 |
Darryl |
That's your new standard. |
| 36501 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Nate |
Got it. |
| 36502 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Pam |
Okay let's go in. I'm freezing. |
| 36503 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one. |
| 36504 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Jim |
One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go. |
| 36505 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Pam |
Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fridge. |
| 36506 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Kevin |
Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this. Michael, what if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'let's go shopping!'. |
| 36507 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Andy |
Let's just jump in the air! |
| 36508 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
That's it! That's a picture! Yes! Jump in the air. We're gonna jump in the air. Here we go. |
| 36509 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 36510 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Nate |
One, two, three. Not everyone jumped. |
| 36511 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
Okay, everybody jump in the air this time, please. Here we go. |
| 36512 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Nate |
One, two, three. Still some people not jumping. |
| 36513 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Jim |
You gotta be kidding me. Who isn't jumping? |
| 36514 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Dwight |
I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar. |
| 36515 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Phyllis |
I am jumping. |
| 36516 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Dwight |
You are? |
| 36517 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Phyllis |
Yes, I'm jumping. |
| 36518 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Dwight |
Let me see you jump. Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that. |
| 36519 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Pam |
I'm freezing. |
| 36520 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Nate |
Um, also, Erin is jumping way too early. She's on the ground by 'three'. |
| 36521 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Erin |
I didn't want to miss it. |
| 36522 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Andy |
Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer. Do that. |
| 36523 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Oscar |
Here's a question nobody's asking: Is this worth it? |
| 36524 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
Don't answer that. People, listen up and listen good. We need to just get one picture where we're all in the air at the same time. Yes? |
| 36525 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Oscar |
Why? |
| 36526 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
I believe in us. We can do this. Here we go. |
| 36527 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Nate |
Okay, on three. Uh, everyone in the air. Three, two, one, zero. |
| 36528 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5520 |
Michael |
We didn't get it. |
| 36529 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5521 |
Pam |
I'm the office administrator now, which means I'm basically being paid to be head of the party planning committee. The first thing I did as head... I shut it down. At its best it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best it planned parties. |
| 36530 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5522 |
Pam |
It hardly looks fake. It's so lush. |
| 36531 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5522 |
Jim |
Why's it smell real? Ah... good one. |
| 36532 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children! |
| 36533 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
All |
Merry Christmas. |
| 36534 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
How's everybody doing today? |
| 36535 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Erin |
Good. |
| 36536 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
How's the party coming along? |
| 36537 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 36538 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Are we over budget? |
| 36539 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Pam |
Nope. |
| 36540 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
No? Good. Did anyone get drunk already? |
| 36541 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Meredith |
Not yet! |
| 36542 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Good for you. Angela, lay it on me. What's the problem? |
| 36543 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Angela |
Nothing. Should be fun. |
| 36544 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
So Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today? |
| 36545 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Stanley |
Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine. |
| 36546 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Alright. Well, I will be in my office making toys for the good children. Andy? |
| 36547 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Andy |
Yea? |
| 36548 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Whatcha got? |
| 36549 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Andy |
All good, Santa. |
| 36550 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5523 |
Michael |
Well, that's a relief. Santa's gonna take some much-needed free time. Alright. Good! |
| 36551 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5524 |
Michael |
My kids are growin up. As a boss, I look at that and say great. It is exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that's what I want. That's what every boss wants is a, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama. |
| 36552 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5525 |
Kelly |
It's present time, you guys. Happy Holidays from your friends at Sabre. |
| 36553 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5525 |
Gabe |
We just want to say how grateful we are. |
| 36554 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5526 |
Kelly |
Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said, "Oh, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do." |
| 36555 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Kelly |
It's a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve. |
| 36556 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Andy |
Hello Kitty's for girls. |
| 36557 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Pam |
Nashua got mp3 players. |
| 36558 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I don't even have a laptop. |
| 36559 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Kelly |
I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white. |
| 36560 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Meredith |
Wow. |
| 36561 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Phyllis |
Oh God. |
| 36562 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Dwight |
Oh come on. |
| 36563 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Kelly |
I said, "I wonder." I didn't say, "I think." |
| 36564 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Gabe |
Kelly, I thought we agreed on fleece blankets. |
| 36565 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Kelly |
Blankets, what am I, five? |
| 36566 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5527 |
Gabe |
Erin and I make great use of ours. |
| 36567 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5528 |
Gabe |
Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating? |
| 36568 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5529 |
Darryl |
I'll take one of those pink pouches. |
| 36569 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5530 |
Darryl |
I feel good today. My little girl Jada? It's my turn to have her for Christmas this year. Two years ago I had her, and we had the best time. I tivoed her favorite shows, some things I've never heard of. iCarly... You know who's funny on that show? The friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking. |
| 36570 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
Hey, it's snowing. |
| 36571 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful. |
| 36572 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. |
| 36573 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
Damn it, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here! |
| 36574 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
Well, it's not a snowball, 'cause it's only a dusting. Right? |
| 36575 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
Look at that. There's a pebble in there. You coulda killed me. |
| 36576 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Phyllis |
Oh, don't be such a baby. |
| 36577 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Stanley |
Yeah, who's a little girl now? |
| 36578 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
You apologize to me right now. |
| 36579 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
You've got something on your nose. |
| 36580 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
You apologize right now. |
| 36581 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
No. |
| 36582 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
Very well, then I challenge you to a snowball fight on the first real snow of winter. |
| 36583 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 36584 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Andy |
That sounds awesome. Can we all do it? |
| 36585 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5531 |
Dwight |
No, Andy, it's a snowball fight. It's not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it. Jim, let go. Let go. |
| 36586 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Kevin |
Angela, are you bringing you new boyfriend to the party. |
| 36587 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Angela |
I wouldn't subject Robert to that. He's a very busy senator. |
| 36588 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Oscar |
State senator. |
| 36589 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Angela |
I would not expect you to know what it's like to date someone in the public arena. |
| 36590 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Oscar |
Who are you dating in the public arena? |
| 36591 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Angela |
The senator. |
| 36592 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Kevin |
Oh, right. The state senator. |
| 36593 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Angela |
We went to a picnic thrown by the Comptroller's wife. |
| 36594 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5532 |
Oscar |
Well... |
| 36595 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5533 |
Angela |
Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I do. Two. "Angela..." "over here, Angela..." "here. Look here!" |
| 36596 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Pam |
Before we kick off the party, I just want to remind everyone that an office party is just that... |
| 36597 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Yeah! |
| 36598 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Pam |
A party. It's not an excuse to get really drunk or confront someone or have a cathartic experience of any kind. |
| 36599 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Pam? Pam? |
| 36600 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Dwight |
Pam? |
| 36601 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Pam |
Wow, there are, there are questions to that. Okay. Um, you know what, no questions. Last item on the agenda, Toby would like to make an announcement. |
| 36602 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Hi guys. |
| 36603 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 36604 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Uh, I just wanted to let you know that, uh, I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week. |
| 36605 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Uh, because you've been on the Lam? Because the 'boring police' have been after you, and they finally caught up with you? |
| 36606 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Uh, no, the opposite. I was actually selected to be a juror on a very high-profile case. |
| 36607 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict, it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby! |
| 36608 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Dwight |
Death to Toby! |
| 36609 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Okay, that's hurtful talk. We've talked about that. You know, I don't interrupt your announcements. |
| 36610 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
You know what you, you, you leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do? |
| 36611 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Phyllis |
What's the case, Toby? |
| 36612 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Well, I really can't talk about it, but it's a very high profile case. |
| 36613 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Andy |
Is it criminal? |
| 36614 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 36615 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Andy |
Have we heard of it? |
| 36616 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
I don't know. |
| 36617 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Dwight |
Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a s*x slave? |
| 36618 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Come on. |
| 36619 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Meredith |
Was it the post office guy who rubbed his pen1s all over the mail? |
| 36620 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Guys, it's a really big deal. |
| 36621 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Ryan |
He's rubbing his neck. He's rubbing his neck! |
| 36622 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Kelly |
He's rubbing his neck. |
| 36623 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Ryan |
He's rubbing his neck. |
| 36624 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Andy |
Oh, Scranton Strangler! |
| 36625 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty. |
| 36626 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
That was the worst joke ever. |
| 36627 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Corporate will be sending someone else to take my place for a while. |
| 36628 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay goodbye, goodbye. |
| 36629 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Uh, Holly Flax, she comes from the Nashua branch. |
| 36630 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
What? What? |
| 36631 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Yeah, uh, she'll be starting next week. If you have any questions about the transition, just let me know. |
| 36632 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Hold on, Holly's coming back here? |
| 36633 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Toby |
Yeah. |
| 36634 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Erin |
Guys, who's Holly? |
| 36635 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
That is a great question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe a part of my future? |
| 36636 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Erin |
Wow. |
| 36637 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Creed |
She's one sassy black lady. |
| 36638 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Holly's coming back, everybody, and we have to have a party. |
| 36639 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Gabe |
I'm not sure the temporary replacement of an H.R. rep really warrants a party. |
| 36640 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
You know what, we'll postpone this party until then. This is too important. Cancel this one. Dwight get rid of the tree. |
| 36641 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 36642 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Cancel. We're canceling it. |
| 36643 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Angela |
No, don't throw those out! |
| 36644 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
No, we have to cancel the party. |
| 36645 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Angela |
We can save that. |
| 36646 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
No, no, no, we're gonna get fresh for Holly. Fresh and new. |
| 36647 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Andy |
I bought these. |
| 36648 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 36649 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Andy |
These cookies are fine. |
| 36650 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
It's not. They're not. Fresh and new. Please let go. Please let go. |
| 36651 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Pam |
Michael, Michael, wait we don't have, we don't have the budget for another party. |
| 36652 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
Well then everybody'll chip in, it'll be fine. |
| 36653 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Pam |
I honestly think you're idealizing people here again, Michael. I don't think that's gonna happen. |
| 36654 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5534 |
Michael |
You know what, I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the party. It doesn't matter. This is way too important. People, Holly's coming back, and this is the most important Christmas party of my life. So back to work. |
| 36655 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5535 |
Michael |
Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Joe. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away. |
| 36656 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
We have always had good Christmas parties here, as you know, but they've never been cool. The name is Bond... Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan. Santa... wonderful tradition. Everybody loves Santa. Everybody can't get enough of the jolly old man. But that is a myth, because you know what, he is not necessarily a big fat guy with a beard. He's not necessarily an old guy. No one knows what the real Santa Claus... God! Ow! |
| 36657 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
Just stop moving your calves so much while you're talking. |
| 36658 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
Well, this year's gonna be different. We're gonna have fun. It's not gonna be tacky. It's going to be, you know what, the food is going to be austere. It is not going to be tacky, deli platter food. It's not gonna have a big, fat, gross Santa Claus. It's gonna be cool, sleek Santa. |
| 36659 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'll invite him. |
| 36660 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
Okay. Sure. |
| 36661 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
I mean, unless there's any chance there could be press at this party. |
| 36662 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
You never know about the press. |
| 36663 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
Well, I only ask because he's a senator. |
| 36664 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
Could he help us with some parking tickets? |
| 36665 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
I don't think that's appropriate. |
| 36666 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
Well, then he's not a senator. |
| 36667 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Angela |
Yes, he is. |
| 36668 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5536 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 36669 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 36670 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 36671 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Jim |
We still doing the gifts today? I mean, it is the Christmas party. Well, the classy Christmas party. |
| 36672 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Pam |
Yes. But don't get too excited, 'cause I didn't have a lot of time this year. |
| 36673 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Jim |
Me neither. Whew. |
| 36674 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5537 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 36675 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5538 |
Pam |
I've been working forever on Jim's present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He'll take a memory or a private joke, and he'll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper Salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear, becomes 'bear man'. Wreaks havoc on the office. It's really good. |
| 36676 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5539 |
Michael |
Okay... Oh, no, no, no, no! Fake tree. No, no! |
| 36677 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5539 |
Pam |
No, it has the little... |
| 36678 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5539 |
Michael |
Pam, no, no. Holly's coming from New Hampshire. Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it's a burning cross. No, no. I want you to go and get a real tree. Take some money. Thank you. |
| 36679 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5539 |
Bass Player |
Hi, I'm looking for Michael Scott. |
| 36680 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5539 |
Michael |
Yes, that's me. Come on it. |
| 36681 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5540 |
Michael |
There's nothing classier than boring Jazz music. I am here to tell ya. And I made a bit of a judgment call. I hired one musician, because I thought, what's better, to hire an entire quartet for half an hour, or one bassist for the entire day? |
| 36682 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Pam |
Hey, uh, any volunteers to come with me to go buy a Christmas tree? |
| 36683 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Kevin |
I would, but I don't want to get dirty. There might be girls at the party. |
| 36684 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Pam |
Why do you always think that girls are gonna be at the party? No one invited girls. It's just us. |
| 36685 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Andy |
I will help. Although my 'brid', my hybrid, my Prius hybrid, won't fit a tree. Which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves on a daily basis. |
| 36686 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 36687 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Andy |
I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup. |
| 36688 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Pam |
Oh, do you mean Darryl? That's a great idea. I'll ask him. |
| 36689 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Andy |
You know Darryl? |
| 36690 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Pam |
Yeah. He works here. We all know him. |
| 36691 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Andy |
I should come along, just 'cause he's my, you know, he's my hookup. |
| 36692 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Pam |
Cool. |
| 36693 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Darryl |
Come on, now, Justine, look... Listen, look, I've been planning this, okay? You cannot do this, Justine. |
| 36694 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Justine |
I'm not doing it! She told me she wants to have Christmas here. |
| 36695 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Darryl |
She did? |
| 36696 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5541 |
Justine |
Yes. She wants to be around family for Christmas. |
| 36697 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5542 |
Darryl |
I don't know... I thought I was enough family for my daughter. |
| 36698 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Darryl |
Don't come in, I'm busy. |
| 36699 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Andy |
It's cool, Darryl, I'm here too. |
| 36700 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Pam |
Hey, sorry, I really didn't want to come in. It's just that we have to go buy a new Christmas tree, and we're hoping we could borrow your truck. |
| 36701 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Darryl |
Uh, no. |
| 36702 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Andy |
Come on, it'll be fun. We could do doughnuts in the snow on the way back. |
| 36703 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Darryl |
No. Thank you for your interest in my truck. |
| 36704 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Pam |
Okay. Sorry. We'll uh, we'll leave you alone. |
| 36705 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5543 |
Darryl |
Hey... You know what, I could use a breath of fresh air. Let's do it. |
| 36706 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Michael |
When Holly gets here, I want you to be very helpful to her. |
| 36707 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Erin |
I've looked her up online... there's nothing about her. She's made no impression on the internet. |
| 36708 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Michael |
She doesn't need an internet presence, you just know. |
| 36709 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Erin |
Oh... |
| 36710 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Toby |
Hey. |
| 36711 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Michael |
What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the courthouse. |
| 36712 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Toby |
Uh, we're on recess. I came for the party. Hey, everyone. |
| 36713 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5544 |
Kevin |
Hi, Toby. |
| 36714 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5545 |
Meredith |
What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings. |
| 36715 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5545 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 36716 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5545 |
Meredith |
That scowl. |
| 36717 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5545 |
Toby |
I can't talk about it or I'll get removed from the jury. |
| 36718 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5545 |
Michael |
And then he will come back here and replace Holly, so stop asking him questions. |
| 36719 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5546 |
Toby |
I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking. |
| 36720 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5547 |
Dwight |
You've reached the voice mail of Dwight Kurt Schrute. Please leave... |
| 36721 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5547 |
Dwight |
Ahhhhhhh!!!! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! |
| 36722 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5547 |
Jim |
Stop! Stop! |
| 36723 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5547 |
Dwight |
Ahh! |
| 36724 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5547 |
Jim |
Oh... oh! |
| 36725 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5548 |
Dwight |
I have no feeling in my fingers or pen1s. But I think it was worth it. |
| 36726 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5549 |
Dwight |
Haahh!! |
| 36727 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5550 |
Jim |
Um, I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and uh, he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself. And, uh, then... "How 'bout icing it? lol. Dwight." |
| 36728 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Hi. |
| 36729 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Erin |
Hello. |
| 36730 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Is there any way I can get a hand with these, please? |
| 36731 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Erin |
I'm really sorry, I can't help you. I'm waiting for my boss' pretty friend to arrive. |
| 36732 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
There she is. Hey. Erin, would you help her, for God's sake? |
| 36733 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Erin |
Oh, you're Holly! Of course. Sorry. |
| 36734 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 36735 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old b*st*rd. |
| 36736 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old b*st*rd. |
| 36737 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Well I did show my face around these parts, you old b*st*rd. |
| 36738 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh? |
| 36739 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
I most certainly am. |
| 36740 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! |
| 36741 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Unnnnnnngh! |
| 36742 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
D'oh! |
| 36743 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Oh, Homey. |
| 36744 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Jim |
Okay... Holly's back. |
| 36745 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Hi. Hi. Oh... |
| 36746 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Oh, huggy monster! |
| 36747 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Oh no, not the huggy monster! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! Wow. Well, everybody, you remember Holly. |
| 36748 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Hi. |
| 36749 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Kevin |
Did you bring us anything from Nashua? |
| 36750 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Oh, yeah. I brought um, some maple candy. But I have to admit, I got a little hungry on the drive, and I ate some of them. |
| 36751 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
That's adorable. |
| 36752 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Would you put those out? |
| 36753 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Erin |
To throw out? Or put out, like, six pieces for everyone? |
| 36754 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Oh, it's so nice to be back. It looks beautiful in here. Super classy. It's like a party for limousine drivers. |
| 36755 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Well, you came on the day of our Christmas party. |
| 36756 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Oh, it's fabulous. I love what you did. |
| 36757 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
Isn't it wonderful? We love it here. Don't you love it? All right, let me show you to your desk. I show you to your desk. |
| 36758 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
Watch out for my guns they're both loaded. |
| 36759 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Michael |
What kind of guns do you have? Six-shooter? |
| 36760 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Jim |
Aww... |
| 36761 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5551 |
Holly |
It's a pea shoot... |
| 36762 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
This is weird. I can't believe you're here. This feels like you never left. Doesn't it? |
| 36763 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Yeah, kind of. |
| 36764 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Oh... |
| 36765 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Oh... |
| 36766 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! Oh, I love toy... |
| 36767 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
AJ gave me that. |
| 36768 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character? |
| 36769 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Mmhmm. |
| 36770 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom. |
| 36771 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Why? |
| 36772 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie. |
| 36773 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
That is a really good point. AJ said he hadn't seen any of the Toy Story movies. |
| 36774 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
You're kidding me. Ahh! |
| 36775 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
No. I know. I was like, "What? Are you serious?" |
| 36776 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
What a douche bag! |
| 36777 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Get a life! |
| 36778 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Get a... yeah! Good riddance. |
| 36779 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
We sat down and we watched them all in one day. |
| 36780 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 36781 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Now he's the biggest Toy Story fanatic ever. |
| 36782 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Good for him. |
| 36783 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Next day I found him in my bed. |
| 36784 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Really? That's creepy. How did AJ get in your house? |
| 36785 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
We live together. |
| 36786 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Oh, you do? |
| 36787 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
He had a little note pinned to him that said, "You've got a friend in me." |
| 36788 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Yeah, Randy Newman's the best. |
| 36789 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Holly |
Yeah. I love him. |
| 36790 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5552 |
Michael |
Me too. |
| 36791 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Andy |
Christmas tree, Christmas tree. Won't you be my Christmas tree. |
| 36792 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
Hey, how about this one? |
| 36793 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Andy |
Ehh, seems a little full of itself, right? Kind of a pretty boy? What if we got a really beat up one, like on Charlie Brown. And we just loved it for what it is? |
| 36794 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
Maybe. I mean... |
| 36795 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Darryl |
I just, no, she be talking to your mom or something. This is my daughter too, Justine! You seem to think, oh... pick a damn tree already. |
| 36796 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
Um, hey, Darryl, listen, it's none of my business, but if I couldn't have Cece for Christmas, I'd be really upset too. |
| 36797 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Andy |
I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself. |
| 36798 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Darryl |
Jada don't want to spend Christmas with me. She told her mom it wasn't as much fun. And how could she say that? You know, I took her to the toy store to buy her own presents. |
| 36799 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
Well Darryl, no kid wants to buy their own Christmas presents. |
| 36800 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Darryl |
Her mom wants me to take her to mass. I guess that's something to do. |
| 36801 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
No, you should have her mom do the boring Christmas stuff on her time. You should be associated with the fun parts of Christmas. |
| 36802 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Darryl |
How do I do that? |
| 36803 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
Bring her to the party. Yeah, we'll have Santa, and we'll play games with her. It'll be a lot of fun. |
| 36804 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 36805 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5553 |
Pam |
You'll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night. |
| 36806 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Pam |
Hey guys, the tree's here. |
| 36807 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 36808 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Andy |
Nobody hug me, I'm covered in tree sap, so... |
| 36809 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Oscar |
Why would someone hug you? |
| 36810 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Michael |
Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome. |
| 36811 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Darryl |
Are you serious? |
| 36812 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Michael |
It's a sophisticated take. |
| 36813 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Jada |
He doesn't look like Santa Claus. |
| 36814 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Darryl |
No, he doesn't. I told her Santa would be here. |
| 36815 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled. |
| 36816 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Pam |
Who told you that? |
| 36817 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5554 |
Michael |
Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made. |
| 36818 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Phyllis |
So is it an open relationship? |
| 36819 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Holly |
Oh, God, no. |
| 36820 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Kelly |
Well, you're almost 40. Oh, do you not want kids? |
| 36821 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Holly |
Oh, I want kids. I really want kids. But AJ and I are practically engaged. We talk about spending our lives together. |
| 36822 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Kelly |
So where's the ring? |
| 36823 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Pam |
Kelly! Um, how are you adjusting to the move? |
| 36824 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Phyllis |
Nobody cares about that. Look, you have to make him commit, or kick his butt to the curb. |
| 36825 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Pam |
You guys, I don't think any of us are really qualified to be giving Holly personal advice about her love life. |
| 36826 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5555 |
Erin |
Yeah, I mean, maybe Holly's not in any position to be shooing guys away. |
| 36827 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5556 |
Erin |
I don't get it! I'm sorry. I just, I don't get it! |
| 36828 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5557 |
Holly |
Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over. |
| 36829 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5557 |
Pam |
Wow, an ultimatum. |
| 36830 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5557 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 36831 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5557 |
Pam |
It doesn't really seem like you. |
| 36832 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5557 |
Kelly |
That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself. |
| 36833 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Jim |
Don't. Stop, Dwight! Dwight, stop! Dwight, stop! |
| 36834 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. Oh, no! |
| 36835 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Jim |
Stop! |
| 36836 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. Yes, taste my wrath! |
| 36837 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Jim |
Okay. Okay. Okay. |
| 36838 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Dwight |
Huh? You like that? |
| 36839 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Jim |
Seriously! |
| 36840 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Dwight |
Huh? |
| 36841 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5558 |
Jim |
Okay. Okay. |
| 36842 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5559 |
Dwight |
Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone. |
| 36843 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5560 |
Jim |
I just want it to stop. |
| 36844 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Pam |
So, cool right? |
| 36845 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Ryan |
There's no connection between the origin story and the quest. |
| 36846 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 36847 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Ryan |
We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest. |
| 36848 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Pam |
Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right? |
| 36849 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Ryan |
Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is? |
| 36850 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Pam |
I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or... |
| 36851 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Ryan |
Well, it sounds like you know what you want. It's also a little derivative of a serias called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up? |
| 36852 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Pam |
No. |
| 36853 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5561 |
Ryan |
Okay. |
| 36854 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Toby |
Oh, Jim. Hey. |
| 36855 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Jim |
Hey, Toby. |
| 36856 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Toby |
There's this female uh, uh, stenographer at the courthouse... |
| 36857 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Jim |
No way. |
| 36858 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Toby |
Who looks exactly like you. |
| 36859 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Jim |
That's increadible. |
| 36860 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Toby |
Yeah. No, it's uncanny. |
| 36861 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Jim |
You know what's crazy? |
| 36862 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Toby |
What? |
| 36863 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5562 |
Jim |
I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second. Excuse me. |
| 36864 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5563 |
Michael |
I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't. And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that. |
| 36865 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5564 |
Angela |
It's so cold. Even with my coat on. |
| 36866 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5564 |
Meredith |
Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car... for screwing Americans. |
| 36867 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5564 |
Gabe |
Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy. |
| 36868 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Holly |
You guys, this has to stop. Someone could have really gotten hurt. |
| 36869 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Michael |
What if Meredith was taking her smoking break below that window? You know what would have happened? The shards of glass would have shaved her face right off. And, yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic. |
| 36870 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Dwight |
I could not agree more. And just want to state for the record that I am intending to sue Jim for acute psychological distress. |
| 36871 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? You're the one terrorizing me. |
| 36872 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Dwight |
With snowballs, Jim? With fluffy little snowballs? No. I thought we were just playing. |
| 36873 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Holly |
Dwight's right. What you did was dangerous and inappropriate. I'm really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends. |
| 36874 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Michael |
All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City. |
| 36875 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Dwight |
Wait, what girlfriend? |
| 36876 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Michael |
I haven't told you about her. |
| 36877 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Dwight |
I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit. |
| 36878 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Michael |
I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around Slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, "Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab." |
| 36879 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Holly |
I didn't know you had a girlfriend. |
| 36880 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5565 |
Michael |
I do. She is. |
| 36881 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5566 |
Michael |
Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara. |
| 36882 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Phyllis |
So you went homemade this year. |
| 36883 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Pam |
Yup. |
| 36884 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. Money problems, is that what this is about? I mean, oh, dear, I don't think we can help you out. |
| 36885 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Pam |
No, no. Jim had a great year, actually. I just wanted to get your opinion. |
| 36886 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Phyllis |
Are you good at homemade? |
| 36887 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Pam |
Look at this. |
| 36888 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5567 |
Phyllis |
Yeah... |
| 36889 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
Who did this? It's obvious to me I'm not welcome here, but somebody better tell me who did this, or else I'm leaving. |
| 36890 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Phyllis |
Well, I don't think Erin seems to like you. |
| 36891 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Erin |
That's not true. I don't know her enough to make a decision even. |
| 36892 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting. |
| 36893 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Toby |
No, I would never ever do anything like that. But it does seem like something you would do. |
| 36894 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much. |
| 36895 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Kevin |
Wait, wait, guys, listen. Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think... it's not possible... that Woody did this to himself. |
| 36896 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
It is Christmas. |
| 36897 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Angela |
No, it really seems like something Michael would do. |
| 36898 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Well, the fact that you would think that points to the possibility that it is probably not me. And that I have been framed. |
| 36899 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Andy |
Why would anyone frame you for that? |
| 36900 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Jim |
Okay, I'm sorry, why are we discounting this whole "Woody came to life" thing so quickly? |
| 36901 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
Ahhhhhh! Surprise! It was part of the party. Pretty funny, huh? |
| 36902 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
You think this is funny? |
| 36903 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids... |
| 36904 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 36905 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Kevin |
Oh no, that's, that's not happening. |
| 36906 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Dwight |
Dear God in heaven. |
| 36907 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
All right. Shh. Okay, you know what? Holly, I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. An accident borne of jealous feelings. |
| 36908 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
Michael, you have to let this go. I'm with someone else. I don't feel that way anymore. |
| 36909 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
Oh, really? You certainly seemed jealous when I told you about my fake girlfriend. That's what Jim and Dwight thought. |
| 36910 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Dwight |
Okay, hey, hey, hey... |
| 36911 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Jim |
No, fake girlfriends are always wrong. |
| 36912 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
You made up a fake girlfriend to see if I'd get jealous? And you destroyed a gift my boyfriend gave me? What is the matter with you? |
| 36913 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
When you got transferred, and I drove you up to Nashua, you said, "Michael, I love you, but I can't do this." But then, with this other guy, you don't have any problem with a long-distance relationship, do you? And you know what, that is what is the matter with me. |
| 36914 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
Michael, I'm sorry. |
| 36915 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Michael |
And we did this whole stupid party for you. |
| 36916 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Erin |
No. |
| 36917 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Holly |
You guys, it wasn't my fault. |
| 36918 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5568 |
Kevin |
Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us! |
| 36919 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5569 |
Erin |
I really think you're better off. |
| 36920 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5569 |
Michael |
Mmm. Erin, would you do me a favor and find my street clothes for me, please? |
| 36921 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5569 |
Erin |
Yeah. Is she an amazing cook or something? |
| 36922 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5570 |
Jim |
"Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese." Damn it, Dwight! |
| 36923 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5570 |
Dwight |
Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all. |
| 36924 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5571 |
Stanley |
So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out? |
| 36925 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5571 |
Toby |
No, they bring it in. |
| 36926 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5571 |
Stanley |
You lucky son of a bitch. |
| 36927 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5572 |
Stanley |
I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... that is the life. |
| 36928 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5573 |
Jada |
Daddy, I'm bored. Can I read my book in your office? |
| 36929 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5573 |
Darryl |
Sure, sweetie. |
| 36930 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5574 |
Pam |
Jada, Darryl, I'm so glad I found you guys. A grinch stole the star from on top of the Christmas tree and is hiding it in the warehouse somewhere. You want to go help me find him? |
| 36931 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Pam |
Oh, my goodness. |
| 36932 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Andy |
I am the mean old grinch. The little girl who wishes to win back the Christmas star must first succeed at these challenges. |
| 36933 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Darryl |
Ohh, that sounds fun and Christmasy, you mean old grinch! |
| 36934 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Jada |
What kind of challenges. |
| 36935 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Andy |
Wahhh... |
| 36936 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Pam |
Something like an obstacle course, Mr. Grinch? |
| 36937 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Andy |
No. You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number? |
| 36938 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Jada |
I don't know. |
| 36939 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Andy |
Do you know the other state? |
| 36940 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Darryl |
Maybe the grinch hid the Christmas star, and we could ask for clues, and he'll tell us if we're hot or cold. |
| 36941 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Andy |
The star has been hidden. Is the little girl hot or cold? Well, it turns out she's burning up because the star is right behind her ear! |
| 36942 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5575 |
Darryl |
And the game's over seconds later. |
| 36943 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Angela |
I'm so glad you could come. |
| 36944 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Robert |
It's nice. I know. |
| 36945 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Angela |
Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton. |
| 36946 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Robert |
Hi. |
| 36947 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Oscar |
Senator, it's an honor. I'm Angela's friend Oscar. |
| 36948 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5576 |
Robert |
Oscar. A pleasure. |
| 36949 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5577 |
Oscar |
Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor. |
| 36950 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Hi. |
| 36951 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Erin |
Hello. |
| 36952 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
I'm, uh, I'm AJ. I'm here to see Holly. It's kind of a surprise. |
| 36953 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Erin |
I know who you are, and I think you should go. |
| 36954 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Kevin |
I bet you didn't even bring us anything, did you? |
| 36955 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Was I supposed to bring you guys something? |
| 36956 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Holly |
What? AJ! |
| 36957 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Surprise. |
| 36958 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Holly |
What are you doing here? Oh, my God. |
| 36959 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
I wanted to see you. How are you? |
| 36960 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Holly |
Wow! Nice. |
| 36961 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Oh, God, you look great. |
| 36962 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Holly |
Oh... when did you get here? |
| 36963 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Just now. |
| 36964 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Michael |
Hey |
| 36965 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Just now. Hey, Michael. |
| 36966 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Michael |
Nice to see you again, AJ. Welcome. |
| 36967 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Pleased to see you. Thank you. |
| 36968 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Michael |
Good trip down? |
| 36969 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
AJ |
Yeah, it was great. |
| 36970 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5578 |
Michael |
Good, good. Good to see you. Have fun. Enjoy the partay. |
| 36971 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5579 |
Michael |
I am dead inside. |
| 36972 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5580 |
Darryl |
What do you want, baby? We got some granola, got some cupcakes, chips, apples, pies... |
| 36973 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5580 |
Jada |
You have a whole room of vending machines? |
| 36974 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5580 |
Creed |
I know. Isn't it something? |
| 36975 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5580 |
Jada |
I can't decide what I want. |
| 36976 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Darrly |
Merry Christmas. |
| 36977 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Jada |
Merry Christmas. |
| 36978 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 36979 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Jada |
And Merry Christmas. |
| 36980 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Meredith |
Thank you. |
| 36981 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5581 |
Jada |
And Merry Christ... mas. |
| 36982 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5582 |
Robert |
Thank you so much. |
| 36983 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5582 |
Jada |
Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas. |
| 36984 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5582 |
Oscar |
Merry Christmas to you. |
| 36985 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5583 |
Jada |
Merry Christmas. |
| 36986 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5583 |
Bass Player |
Oh, thank you. |
| 36987 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5584 |
Kevin |
For your feet! |
| 36988 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5585 |
Ryan |
It's amazing. It's so great. Thank you. |
| 36989 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5586 |
Creed |
For me? |
| 36990 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5586 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 36991 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5586 |
Creed |
Thank you very much. |
| 36992 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5586 |
Angela |
Mmhmm. |
| 36993 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
I don't know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards, but Robert was instrumental in that legislation. |
| 36994 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Kevin |
Wow, that's awesome! |
| 36995 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Oscar |
A real David and Goliath story. |
| 36996 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Robert |
I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work. |
| 36997 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
I am. |
| 36998 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Meredith |
The real problem is the teachers' union. |
| 36999 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
Zip it, Meredith. |
| 37000 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Meredith |
No. You tell me why my kid is 17 and still can't read. |
| 37001 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Ryan |
Hey, who's in charge of making drinks around here? Is there a bartender? |
| 37002 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
You are. You make your own drink. |
| 37003 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Oscar |
I'll make it. What are you drinking. |
| 37004 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Ryan |
An 'F' train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters. |
| 37005 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Oscar |
I don't know how to make that. |
| 37006 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Ryan |
Okay, well, I'll just stick with my mojito. |
| 37007 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
And you know those annoying geese at the park? Well, he's helping eradicate them as well. I mean, I think they've really become a pest. |
| 37008 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Meredith |
Annoying. |
| 37009 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5587 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 37010 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Pam |
I don't think he's in the ceiling, babe. |
| 37011 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Jim |
Well, uh... I don't think any of us really know. Alright. |
| 37012 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Pam |
Is it... is it pebbles from that beach in Jamaica? |
| 37013 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Jim |
Ooh, go easy with the shaking. |
| 37014 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. |
| 37015 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Jim |
You like it? |
| 37016 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5588 |
Pam |
I love it. |
| 37017 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5589 |
Jim |
Yup, I do make great Christmas gifts. But I couldn't make that. |
| 37018 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5590 |
Jim |
Alright, my turn. |
| 37019 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5590 |
Pam |
Oh, um, it's just, I didn't, I didn't have a lot of time, so that's just a place holder. |
| 37020 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5590 |
Jim |
Right. Of course. "The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert." Oh, my God. This is awesome! That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter. |
| 37021 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5591 |
Jim |
I mean... |
| 37022 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
Michael, wait! |
| 37023 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
Oh, hey, hey, no, don't run. You're gonna slip. |
| 37024 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
That's good advice. |
| 37025 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
Yup. I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died. |
| 37026 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
That's a sad story. |
| 37027 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
Yeah, well, at least he was married. |
| 37028 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
Oh, okay, Michael, slow down. Everything's gonna be okay. |
| 37029 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
No, it's not. It's not. Oh, man, I can tell you confidently that it is not gonna be okay. |
| 37030 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
I shouldn't tell you this, but... AJ won't commit to Holly. And she's gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose to her by the end of the year, it's over. |
| 37031 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 37032 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
Really. And I don't know about you, but I don't know of a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum, do you? |
| 37033 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
No. |
| 37034 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Pam |
So just be patient. |
| 37035 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5592 |
Michael |
Yeah. I mean, I can wait till then. Come here. I don't want you to fall. |
| 37036 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Jim |
I surrender. |
| 37037 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Dwight |
I do not accept your surrender. There's only one way that I would ever relent. |
| 37038 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Jim |
Anything. You got it. |
| 37039 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Dwight |
You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch. |
| 37040 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Jim |
You're a psychopath. |
| 37041 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5593 |
Dwight |
I'll take that as a no. |
| 37042 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Michael |
I was in the mall, and I saw that, and I thought it had your name written all over it. |
| 37043 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Kelly |
Michael, this is the gift that corporate gave us that I picked out. You're re-gifting this to me. |
| 37044 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Michael |
No, that's not... no, I went to the mall and I picked that out especially for you. |
| 37045 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Kelly |
Oh, yeah? Well, show me the receipt. |
| 37046 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Michael |
From the mall. That... |
| 37047 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Kelly |
This is a fast food receipt from April. |
| 37048 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Michael |
Well, that... |
| 37049 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Kelly |
God, how many number nines did you order? |
| 37050 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
AJ |
Is everyone here kind of mean? |
| 37051 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Holly |
Oh, I think everyone's on edge because of the strangler trial. |
| 37052 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
AJ |
Oh. |
| 37053 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Holly |
Hey, I'm so glad you came down. It's been so much harder than I expected. |
| 37054 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
AJ |
Hey, what happened to Woody? |
| 37055 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Holly |
Oh, okay, get ready for this. You're not gonna believe it. I was making salad, and he fell right into the dressing. I mean, there was salad dressing all over him. |
| 37056 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
AJ |
He smells awful. |
| 37057 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
Holly |
It was blue cheese dressing. |
| 37058 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5594 |
AJ |
Great. |
| 37059 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Darryl |
Hey, Mike. |
| 37060 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 37061 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Darryl |
We wanted to give you something. |
| 37062 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 37063 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Jada |
Merry Christmas. |
| 37064 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Michael |
Thank you. A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast. How did you know that? Thank you very much. |
| 37065 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Darryl |
What do you say? |
| 37066 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Jada |
You're welcome. |
| 37067 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Michael |
Oh, you know, I seem to remember that Santa promised that he would listen to all the gifts you wanted for Christmas. Didn't he say that? |
| 37068 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Jada |
Yeah. |
| 37069 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5595 |
Michael |
I think I know where he is. |
| 37070 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
A trampoline... |
| 37071 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
Mmhmm. |
| 37072 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
Video games. |
| 37073 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
Video games. |
| 37074 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
A DSi. |
| 37075 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
A DSi? |
| 37076 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
A horse. |
| 37077 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
A horse. |
| 37078 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
A pool. |
| 37079 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
You, are you sure you don't want a pony? You want a real horse? |
| 37080 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Jada |
Yes. |
| 37081 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5596 |
Michael |
All right. You have to pick up after them. |
| 37082 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
Hey, sorry. I'm ready. |
| 37083 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Jim |
I don't want to go. |
| 37084 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
Oh... come on, bear man. Come on. |
| 37085 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Jim |
Have you ever seen 'em do that? |
| 37086 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. I had no idea. |
| 37087 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Jim |
No, it's, it's okay. Okay. |
| 37088 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. |
| 37089 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Jim |
Okay. This is it. |
| 37090 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
What? |
| 37091 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Jim |
Go! Go! Go! |
| 37092 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5597 |
Pam |
What? What is it? What? What is, oh, my God! Honey? Jim? Jim! |
| 37093 |
7 |
11 |
Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) |
5598 |
Dwight |
In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas. |
| 37094 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5599 |
Man |
Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting. |
| 37095 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5599 |
Dwight |
Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey! |
| 37096 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5599 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 37097 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5599 |
Dwight |
This meeting is for Knights of the Night only. |
| 37098 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5600 |
Dwight |
Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us. |
| 37099 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
I'm actually just looking for my Blackberry, so, carry on. |
| 37100 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no. I see how this movie ends. You make fun of me, everyone laughs, ha, ha, ha... screw you! |
| 37101 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Man |
Dwight, don't be bothered by your friend's presence. |
| 37102 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
What are you going to do now? Are you going to make fun of our leader's weird voice? Huh? Dwight, don't be bothered by the . Over the line, Jim. |
| 37103 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
I'm just looking for my phone, so... pretend I'm not here. |
| 37104 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
Fine. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. That's our official name, Jim. |
| 37105 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
Sounds good. |
| 37106 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets. Knights went outside with flashlights to test them. |
| 37107 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
Smart. |
| 37108 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
And the rest was just stuff. |
| 37109 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Man |
Go ahead and read it, some people weren't here. |
| 37110 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
Okay. Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag. |
| 37111 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
Oh, come on, that sounds awesome. |
| 37112 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Member |
It was pretty cool. |
| 37113 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
Was it? |
| 37114 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Member |
It was fun. |
| 37115 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Dwight |
It was pretty awesome. |
| 37116 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5601 |
Jim |
Hey! Yeah. No, I got it. Just leaving now. |
| 37117 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5602 |
Michael |
January three, 2011. A day which will live in-famously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man. This is freaking me out. I- okay, let's switch to the happy video, okay? No, no, no, no, let's push through. We'll do this. |
| 37118 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5603 |
Michael |
Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down. |
| 37119 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5604 |
Michael |
Michael, I know what you're thinking. Holly's engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it's not. |
| 37120 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5604 |
Erin |
Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it's snot. I am so sorry. |
| 37121 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5604 |
Michael |
Okay, so killing yourself. I was just thinking about snot. |
| 37122 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Angela |
Good morning. |
| 37123 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Pam |
Hey, guys! Fun thing. The index cards on your desk are resolution cards. You write your New Year's resolution on them, I'll collect them, and then display them on... da-da-da-da-da! This! Resolution board. |
| 37124 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Dwight |
Wow. Did your baby draw that? |
| 37125 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Angela |
The glitter is blinding. |
| 37126 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Phyllis |
I think it's good. |
| 37127 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5605 |
Pam |
It's gonna be fun. |
| 37128 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5606 |
Pam |
I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration. She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff. Sue just goes for it, she's awesome. |
| 37129 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5607 |
Phyllis |
I know Sue. She's not that great. And you know her husband's in a wheelchair, right? |
| 37130 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Okay, champagne. |
| 37131 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
Happy. |
| 37132 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Sponge. |
| 37133 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
Sad. To soak up my tears. |
| 37134 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Gummi bears and gummi worms. |
| 37135 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
Bears sad, worms happy. Come on, Erin. |
| 37136 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Ukulele's happy? |
| 37137 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
Sad, something to break. |
| 37138 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Chocolates. |
| 37139 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
For you, job well done. |
| 37140 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
Thank you! And two bottles of scotch. |
| 37141 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
Both sad. |
| 37142 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Erin |
And did you get the tickets? |
| 37143 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5608 |
Michael |
I did! I did, indeed. Two front row center, to Paula Poundstone, Live in Poughkeepsie. Holly's favorite. I hope she doesn't call us up on stage. That would suck. "Hey, you think you can do my job better?" I don't know. "What's your name?" Michael. |
| 37144 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5609 |
Erin |
I'm really excited for Michael either way. Because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he'll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life! |
| 37145 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, guys! I'd like to introduce you to a new little friend of mine. His name is New Year's resolution board. |
| 37146 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Michael |
Shaaa-shut up. Hello. |
| 37147 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kelly |
What happened? Is there a ring? |
| 37148 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Michael |
So... high five me. We're back. To a happy... look at those! Mittens. Are those a present? |
| 37149 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kelly |
Come on! |
| 37150 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Holly |
They're warm. |
| 37151 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Michael |
They're so fuzzy and warm! Let me feel those. Let me feel that. Put 'er there. Give me a good firm... ooh! That's a good firm handshake. You're hired! Yes, let's get right into the Anderson account, shall we? Yes, yes, right away. |
| 37152 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey, hey. Want me to crank the thermostat up to 90, smoke her out? She can't keep those mittens on forever. |
| 37153 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Michael |
Yes, no, why? Stop! Yes. |
| 37154 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kevin |
Congratu-ohhh. |
| 37155 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kelly |
Wow. |
| 37156 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Michael |
Oh my God! That's it! That's it! |
| 37157 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Holly |
Oh, I get it. Everybody knows about the ultimatum. |
| 37158 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kelly |
Yes, I told everyone. |
| 37159 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Holly |
Ha ha, ha ha! |
| 37160 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5610 |
Kevin |
Hey! Right back atcha, bitch! |
| 37161 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
Happy! Happy, happy, happy, happy! |
| 37162 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, calm down, breathe. |
| 37163 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
I'm trying! |
| 37164 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
I said breathe! |
| 37165 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
I'm trying! |
| 37166 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Wait a second, are you listening to music? |
| 37167 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
What? |
| 37168 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Shut that off! |
| 37169 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
I'm not listening to music! |
| 37170 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Fine, just go crazy for a little while! Lookin' good! You're lookin' good. Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha! I'm pulling you back! Michael dance off! |
| 37171 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
Go! Oh, that's nice. |
| 37172 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Go! |
| 37173 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
Me? Okay. |
| 37174 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Erin |
Go! |
| 37175 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Video Michael |
Nice! We're gonna calm down later. |
| 37176 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
I'm good. |
| 37177 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Erin |
Oh, yeah! |
| 37178 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5611 |
Michael |
Oh my God! |
| 37179 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Hey, Dwight, I'm collecting resolution cards. |
| 37180 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
Not doing that. |
| 37181 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Why not? |
| 37182 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
I've achieved plenty and there's no better than the best. |
| 37183 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
Drink less caffeine. That's a good one, Pam. Here's mine. |
| 37184 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Learn to cook for one! |
| 37185 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
Yeah. I love cooking, but I always find myself throwing out half the food that I prepare, so... two years is time to just start preparing the right amount of food for the right number of people, which is one. |
| 37186 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Well, maybe you'll meet someone. |
| 37187 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
No, some people don't just meet someone. I'm fine with it. Really. This is not a pity party. It's not a party at all. It's just sad. |
| 37188 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Angela. |
| 37189 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 37190 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Pam |
Make time for romance! |
| 37191 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Oscar |
Who's the senator? |
| 37192 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Angela |
My boyfriend. |
| 37193 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Oscar |
Oh, you mean the state senator. I'm sorry, I was confused, because you accidentally wrote 'the senator'. |
| 37194 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 37195 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
Wait, it's that easy? That's not a resolution, that's just... something I want to do. Okay, fine. I can do that... My resolution is... meet a loose woman. |
| 37196 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Angela |
Oh, God. |
| 37197 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
That's a good one. |
| 37198 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 37199 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
You know what, that's my new one. I'm taking that one, too. |
| 37200 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
Awesome. |
| 37201 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Darryl |
You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. 'Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. s*x already? Whoa...' |
| 37202 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Andy |
The bookstore? |
| 37203 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
It's that easy? |
| 37204 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Darryl |
I'll come with you, show you how it's done. |
| 37205 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5612 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'll drive. |
| 37206 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5613 |
Darryl |
My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl. |
| 37207 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
Hello! Oh, somebody's got a new phone! |
| 37208 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 37209 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
That is neat. |
| 37210 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
I got it for Christmas. I'm so out of my league here. |
| 37211 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
E.T. phone Holly. Holly like phone? |
| 37212 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
Holly misses old phone. |
| 37213 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 37214 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
New phone is confusing. Gets bad reception. |
| 37215 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
Bummer. |
| 37216 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
Bummer. |
| 37217 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
Reese's Pieces. |
| 37218 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
Reese's Pieces? |
| 37219 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Kelly |
Oh, God, please stop! |
| 37220 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Michael |
I still have my old phone. This thing... indestructible. |
| 37221 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5614 |
Holly |
Oh, I should get this. Hey! Oh, no, don't go see that one, I want to see that together. Yeah, go see that action one. Okay. I love you, too. All right. |
| 37222 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
Holly doesn't seem to be engaged, but she's talking to AJ like she is. I can't figure it out. Do you think she's already dating a different AJ? |
| 37223 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Pam |
I don't think so. |
| 37224 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
When you broke it off with Roy, did you still tell him you loved him? |
| 37225 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Pam |
No. |
| 37226 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
But you did still love him. |
| 37227 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Pam |
I'm not... I'm not going to have... |
| 37228 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
Do you love him now? |
| 37229 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Pam |
No! Just talk to her. |
| 37230 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
No. She'd just resent me. Or worse! She would think of me as her friend. Oh, hi friend! Blegh. |
| 37231 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Phyllis |
I'll talk to her, Michael. |
| 37232 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
You think she'd talk to you? |
| 37233 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Phyllis |
Why wouldn't she? |
| 37234 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Michael |
That's true. She's really nice. She'd talk to anybody. Why don't you bring Erin to balance you out? |
| 37235 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5615 |
Pam |
There's a plan. |
| 37236 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5616 |
Andy |
All right! We should divide up by section. I will take romance and travel. |
| 37237 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5616 |
Dwight |
I'll take the entirety of the second floor. |
| 37238 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5616 |
Darryl |
I got that cutie behind the counter. |
| 37239 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5617 |
Bookstore employee |
Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat. |
| 37240 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5617 |
Darryl |
Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold like, ten books at once. |
| 37241 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5617 |
Bookstore employee |
Actually, it's ten thousand. |
| 37242 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5617 |
Darryl |
Holy , what? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant. |
| 37243 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Andy |
Hi. |
| 37244 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Customer |
Hi. |
| 37245 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Welcome. |
| 37246 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Andy |
Let us know if you need anything. |
| 37247 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Customer |
Thanks. |
| 37248 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Andy |
Why did we pretend like we work here? |
| 37249 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Is that what we were doing? |
| 37250 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Darryl |
Hey, how'd you do? |
| 37251 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Andy |
Good! |
| 37252 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Good. Real good. |
| 37253 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Darryl |
Really? |
| 37254 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Yeah, yeah! |
| 37255 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Andy |
We kinda nailed it. |
| 37256 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Yeah, pretty much. But, you know, this place is kinda tapped out, so. Let's roll. |
| 37257 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Darryl |
Cool. |
| 37258 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Okay. What'd you get? |
| 37259 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Darryl |
A book about oceans. |
| 37260 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Dwight |
Oh, really? What else? Let me see. |
| 37261 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5618 |
Darryl |
No, that's uh. p0rn. Pornography. Old lady... nasty... p0rn. |
| 37262 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Phyllis |
Follow my lead. Hey, want some company? |
| 37263 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Erin |
Want some company? |
| 37264 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Holly |
Oh, sure. Have a seat. How were your breaks? |
| 37265 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Phyllis |
Oh, really good, I went to Portugal. |
| 37266 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Erin |
I went to Portugal. |
| 37267 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Holly |
Oh, wow... you went together? |
| 37268 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Phyllis |
No. |
| 37269 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Erin |
No. |
| 37270 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Phyllis |
So, I've just gotta know. What's going on with you and AJ? |
| 37271 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Holly |
Nothing really happened. I mean, I know I made a big deal about this whole New Year's deadline, but um, it came and went... and, we're still together. |
| 37272 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Phyllis |
You didn't break up with AJ at all? I mean, not even for a week to make him buy you a present? |
| 37273 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5619 |
Holly |
It just wasn't fair of me to give him an ultimatum in the first place. The whole thing is totally my fault. But we're going to be just fine. Just fine. |
| 37274 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Darryl |
Whoa! Hold on. |
| 37275 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Dwight |
I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution. |
| 37276 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Darryl |
Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh. |
| 37277 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Dwight |
Come on, why not? I've never been in one before. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time. |
| 37278 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Darryl |
I'm telling you, don't do it. I've got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can't unsee that. |
| 37279 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Dwight |
Well, we can't just go back, I mean, we came out to meet women. |
| 37280 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Andy |
Hey, there's a roller rink across the street! There's always chicks at the rink. |
| 37281 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Darryl |
What kind of chicks are you going to meet there? |
| 37282 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Andy |
I don't know. Single moms at a skating party. Sweet sixteen, ten year reunion parties. |
| 37283 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Dwight |
Chicks fall down, need help getting back up. |
| 37284 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Andy |
Roller derby practice! |
| 37285 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5620 |
Darryl |
We're going skating. |
| 37286 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
The goal of this meeting is to get everybody excited about their resolutions! Who's been good about their resolutions so far? Erin. Tell us about it. |
| 37287 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Erin |
Well, my goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say that it is going immensely. |
| 37288 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Cool! Here's a little 'way to go' gift from Sabre. |
| 37289 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Gabe |
Intercepted! |
| 37290 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Erin |
Hey! Gabe. |
| 37291 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Gabe |
Whoops. |
| 37292 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Creed. I noticed you don't have a resolution on the board. What's yours? |
| 37293 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Creed |
I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel. |
| 37294 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
How is it going? |
| 37295 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Creed |
I'm having a little trouble motivating. |
| 37296 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
One of the hardest parts about making resolutions is keeping them. In fact, most resolutions are abandoned by February. |
| 37297 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Or sooner. |
| 37298 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 37299 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
That's not a joke. |
| 37300 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
But that's okay. Because it's not about being perfect, it's about trying. In fact, why don't we go around and confess some of the ways that we've fudged on some of our resolutions? |
| 37301 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
Well, I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven't yet. But it's okay. I still have time, since last year, I ate none. |
| 37302 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Okay, well, my confession is that today I had a sip of coffee. But that's fine. |
| 37303 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Is it? |
| 37304 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Yes! Because with all of your support, by this time next year maybe I'll be down to one glass of iced tea a week. |
| 37305 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Next year? Come-I mean, what is the point? What is the point of that? I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, BAM! Blood everywhere. |
| 37306 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
Well not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott. |
| 37307 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
What is wrong with you people? Can't you stick to anything? Erin, I want you to go to the kitchen and get me some vegetables. Creed, you say you want to do a cartwheel? Nothing's stopping you. Come on, old man, do a cartwheel! |
| 37308 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Creed |
Well, I can't, I don't know how. |
| 37309 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
You're just gonna somersault around for the rest of your life and you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser. |
| 37310 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Creed |
My tombstone's already made, thank you. |
| 37311 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Just do a cartwheel! |
| 37312 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Erin |
This is all I could find. |
| 37313 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Eat it. |
| 37314 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
You don't have to do that, Kevin. |
| 37315 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
I don't know. I'm glad this is happening. Thank you, Michael. |
| 37316 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kelly |
Why are you eating stem first? |
| 37317 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
This is a new food for me, how else should I eat it? |
| 37318 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Ryan |
The other way. |
| 37319 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
Can I get some cheese whiz? Or hollandaise? |
| 37320 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
No. No cheese whiz, no hollandaise, no chocolate sauce, just eat it. Come on. Here comes the airplane, there you go. Open, open, into the hanger, there you go. |
| 37321 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Oh, Michael. |
| 37322 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Eat it. Put it in your mouth, and just eat it. |
| 37323 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
God, I hate it. |
| 37324 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
I don't care whether you hate it! You said you'd do it! |
| 37325 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Angela |
All right! |
| 37326 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Eat it! |
| 37327 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kelly |
You're killing him, Michael! |
| 37328 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
All right, all right, shh! |
| 37329 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
All right, I ate the fluffy part, can I be done? |
| 37330 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
Let me see if you swallowed it, open your mouth. Under your tongue. Oh, God! You guys are pathetic. |
| 37331 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Kevin |
Can I get some candy, or something? |
| 37332 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Michael |
No! You can't have any candy! |
| 37333 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Oscar |
I'll get him water. |
| 37334 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5621 |
Pam |
Okay, Michael, just settle down. |
| 37335 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Michael |
Holly Flax. |
| 37336 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Holly |
Yes, Michael? |
| 37337 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Michael |
Not Michael, E.T. |
| 37338 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Holly |
What's up? |
| 37339 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Michael |
Well, I just want to talk about what happened in there. |
| 37340 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5622 |
Holly |
Oh, no, Michael, I don't want to talk about it with you. I mean, I'm fine, I just... I don't want to talk about it. |
| 37341 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
Holly, come on in. Thanks for coming. I thought there should be an HR rep here for this. So, Kevin and Creed, things got a little bit intense in the conference room. |
| 37342 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Creed |
You think? |
| 37343 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
And I wanted to apologize. These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me, and it was none of my beeswax. |
| 37344 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Kevin |
You were super mean. |
| 37345 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
It was insensitive and I am sorry. |
| 37346 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Kevin |
It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn't be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again. |
| 37347 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
I really wanted you to follow through on your resolutions. The cartwheel, the veggies... I... care about you. Very much. And you loom so large in my heart that I crossed the line. |
| 37348 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Kevin |
Okay, Michael, no offense, but you need to get your own life. |
| 37349 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
You're right. And I hope that we can still be friends. |
| 37350 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Creed |
I don't think I'm there yet, Boss. |
| 37351 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Kevin |
Well, I am. |
| 37352 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
Okay, oh! All right. |
| 37353 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Kevin |
I'm going to help you. |
| 37354 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5623 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 37355 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5624 |
DJ |
Hey, uh. It's just you. Anything you want to hear? |
| 37356 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5624 |
Andy |
Um... Dave Matthews Band. No hits! Deep tracks only. |
| 37357 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5624 |
DJ |
Okay. |
| 37358 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5624 |
Andy |
I said no hits! |
| 37359 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Ryan |
I just feel blocked. Like I'm living, but I'm not... |
| 37360 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Kevin |
Hey, Ryan. |
| 37361 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 37362 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Kevin |
How's your fart project coming? |
| 37363 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Ryan |
That's real, real classy, Kevin. Hey, was it me or you that just shoved the butt end of a pound of broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to? |
| 37364 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Kevin |
Me. |
| 37365 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Pam |
Kevin, don't! Come on! |
| 37366 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Kelly |
Oh, Pam, soda. Caffeine! |
| 37367 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Pam |
Yeah, just a little, I have a lot to deal with today. |
| 37368 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Meredith |
Well, if you don't have to do 'em... |
| 37369 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Kelly |
Meredith, what are you doing? I could be pregnant! |
| 37370 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5625 |
Ryan |
Okay, no. |
| 37371 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5626 |
Kelly |
My resolution was to get more attention. |
| 37372 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5627 |
Ryan |
No, she's lying. |
| 37373 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5627 |
Kevin |
Hey, Ryan. |
| 37374 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5627 |
Erin |
One, two, three. I did it! I did a cartwheel! |
| 37375 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5627 |
Creed |
you! you! God! |
| 37376 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5627 |
Pam |
Okay, that's it. |
| 37377 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5628 |
Pam |
Lesson learned. |
| 37378 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Darryl |
Sup? |
| 37379 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Andy |
Hey! Where did you go? |
| 37380 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Darryl |
To the arcade. |
| 37381 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Andy |
Oh, cool. |
| 37382 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Darryl |
Why, did you meet someone? |
| 37383 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Andy |
Yeah, I did actually. His name is Andy, and he roller skates like a Greek god and you know what? I kinda like hanging out with him. |
| 37384 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Darryl |
Right on, son. |
| 37385 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Dwight |
Gentlemen. |
| 37386 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Andy |
And where did you go? |
| 37387 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Dwight |
Strip club. I was looking at the strippers at the strip club. |
| 37388 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Darryl |
Right. |
| 37389 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
DJ |
So, that's it, guys? If you want, I can put on the strobe. |
| 37390 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5629 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 37391 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Erin |
You want to keep this? |
| 37392 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Michael |
No. |
| 37393 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Erin |
Do you want to keep this? |
| 37394 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Michael |
Yup. |
| 37395 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Erin |
Do you want to keep this? |
| 37396 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5630 |
Michael |
You can toss them. |
| 37397 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5631 |
Michael |
My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully. |
| 37398 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5632 |
Holly |
We're gonna be just fine. You know how you say something over and over and the words start to sound weird? Going to be just fine... just fine... just fine... just fine... |
| 37399 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5633 |
Holly |
I just think we need to cool things down for awhile. Yeah, a break. At least until I get back to Nashua. Yeah, I'm sure. |
| 37400 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
Look at where you're going to be doing the cartwheel. So look at where you're going to be placing your hands. So pick a spot. |
| 37401 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
Mmmhm. |
| 37402 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
You ready to do this? |
| 37403 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
Yes, sir. |
| 37404 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
You know what? I'm going to stay here as long as it takes. |
| 37405 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
I really appreciate it, Boss. |
| 37406 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
It's about you. It's about you. Go! |
| 37407 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
I did it! |
| 37408 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
You did? |
| 37409 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
The perfect cartwheel. |
| 37410 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 37411 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Creed |
What a rush! That's all I had to do all year. |
| 37412 |
7 |
13 |
Ultimatum |
5634 |
Michael |
Congratulations. All right. Well, all right. See you tomorrow. |
| 37413 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David Brent |
Oh, sorry, mate. |
| 37414 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate. |
| 37415 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
What you doing? |
| 37416 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
English? |
| 37417 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that. |
| 37418 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct? |
| 37419 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Yeah big time, yeah. |
| 37420 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah. |
| 37421 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you? |
| 37422 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
Michael Scott. |
| 37423 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li . That's what it sounds like. |
| 37424 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Herrow! Herrow! |
| 37425 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping! |
| 37426 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
You can't do that these days. You can't. |
| 37427 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality. |
| 37428 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said. . Ohh. |
| 37429 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
That's good. Pleasure to meet you. |
| 37430 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Where are you working? |
| 37431 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 37432 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Any jobs now? |
| 37433 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
No, not right now. |
| 37434 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
Just let me know. |
| 37435 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
All right. See you around. |
| 37436 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
David |
All right. |
| 37437 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5635 |
Michael |
Bye-bye. What a nice guy. |
| 37438 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5636 |
Erin |
Your first student is here, Mister Bernard. |
| 37439 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5636 |
Andy |
That's actually "Master of Ceremonies" Bernard. |
| 37440 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5637 |
Andy |
Last year, I went to a seminar called "The Ten Secrets of Real Estate". Turns out it was just a ploy to sell me time-shares in Idaho. Cut to, you know, spending a weekend in Boise, terrible time, super lonely. But I get to thinking maybe I should put on my own seminar to lure clients. |
| 37441 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Erin |
Oh it's... |
| 37442 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Michael |
Hello, I am here for the small business seminar. |
| 37443 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Erin |
Michael? |
| 37444 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Michael |
Nein! I'm greek! My name is Mikanos. |
| 37445 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Erin |
Ooh. Wait, Michael? |
| 37446 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5638 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 37447 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5639 |
Michael |
I am the plant. Every great seminar has one. My job is to make the speaker look good, and I do this through the techniques of leading questions and laughing at all jokes. And the character "Mikanos", is just a little added flava. "Mikanos" is loosely based on another character I do, "Spiros", who is more about the ladies. |
| 37448 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Andy |
Thank you so much Tuna Turner. You are simply the best. |
| 37449 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Jim |
Listen, this isn't a favor, all right? This is a good idea. We all win. |
| 37450 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Andy |
Go higher. I get super flexible when I'm nervous. |
| 37451 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Jim |
Wow. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you, but I have a meeting today that I totally forgot, so I can't be apart of this seminar. |
| 37452 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Andy |
No. What? You can't do that. You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy, |
| 37453 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 37454 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Andy |
If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night. |
| 37455 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Jim |
I'm really sorry. I can't do it. |
| 37456 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5640 |
Andy |
You can't. You can't. |
| 37457 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5641 |
Andy |
I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at. |
| 37458 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Jim |
Will you let me know when this whole seminar thing's over? |
| 37459 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Pam |
What's going on? Do you know that guy? |
| 37460 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Jim |
I just have a meeting, uh, outside the office. |
| 37461 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 37462 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 37463 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5642 |
Dwight |
How are the marks? |
| 37464 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
What are some of your small business ideas? |
| 37465 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Older guy |
I was thinking we could buy up of abandoned mine shafts. |
| 37466 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Phyllis, Stanley, Dwight |
Oooh! |
| 37467 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
That's great. There's a big, big future in that. |
| 37468 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Phyllis |
A lot of mines in Scranton. |
| 37469 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
Um, what about you? |
| 37470 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Younger Guy |
Uh, credit cards. |
| 37471 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. |
| 37472 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Younger Guy |
My company would act as an intermedium, for like, point two cents off every transaction. |
| 37473 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
Wow! |
| 37474 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Younger Guy |
Something with cell phones. It's like, every time you make a phone call I'd make point two cents. Or anything like any on-line shopping I would get point two cents. |
| 37475 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Dwight |
Right. Okay? Great. |
| 37476 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5643 |
Stanley |
Great. |
| 37477 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Dwight |
You promised us whales. These are worms. |
| 37478 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Andy |
They're not worms, Dwight, okay? They're just people with tiny businesses. They're baby whales which is even cuter. |
| 37479 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Stanley |
I'm out. |
| 37480 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Andy |
Stanley, you're suppose to close. |
| 37481 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Phyllis |
I'm out too. |
| 37482 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Andy |
What? I already lost Jim. Salesmen are suppose to help each other out. We're suppose to be a team. |
| 37483 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5644 |
Dwight |
We're no more a team than the people staying in the same hotel are a team. |
| 37484 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5645 |
Michael |
You know what might be kind of fun? I was thinking , you know Andy is having a seminar today? What if we went in as a greek couple? Mikanos and... |
| 37485 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5645 |
Holly |
Oh, I don't know, Michael. I'm not feeling up to that. |
| 37486 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5645 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 37487 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5646 |
Michael |
Holly broke up with A.J last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened... to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact that there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever. Too much information? That's what I thought. But, you know what? Here I am using it. |
| 37488 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5647 |
Michael |
If-a you change-a you mind, why don't you talk to Mikanos? |
| 37489 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5647 |
Holly |
Is Mikanos greek? He sounds Italian. |
| 37490 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5647 |
Michael |
Ugh. You're the fifth person to tell me that today. |
| 37491 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5647 |
Holly |
Maybe Mikanos ran away to join the Italian circus. |
| 37492 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5647 |
Michael |
Okay, yeah, like a character history. Good. Tom Hanks does that. |
| 37493 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5648 |
Erin |
Down... there. Is "jlp" a word? |
| 37494 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5648 |
Pam |
"Jelp?" J-e-l-p? |
| 37495 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5648 |
Erin |
No, j-l-p. Like, "I jlp... I jlp you!" |
| 37496 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5648 |
Pam |
I don't think that's a word. |
| 37497 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5648 |
Erin |
I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game. |
| 37498 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5649 |
Erin |
The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen "The Shining", "Rosemary's Baby", "The Ring". Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything. |
| 37499 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Pam |
You want some help? |
| 37500 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 37501 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 37502 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 37503 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Pam |
K-a. "Ka"? What does "ka" mean? |
| 37504 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Oscar |
It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you. Why did you play "moo"? |
| 37505 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo", I'm playing "milk". Whatever it takes. |
| 37506 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Oscar |
Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood". Would have played a... |
| 37507 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
Uh... |
| 37508 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Oscar |
A triple word. |
| 37509 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
Like the cow mood yesterday. God. |
| 37510 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Oscar |
Or moon. |
| 37511 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Erin |
The cow jumped over the moon. |
| 37512 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Oscar |
She's stuck on that one thing. |
| 37513 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5650 |
Pam |
No, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right? |
| 37514 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5651 |
Andy |
Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar, and I'm just... I was wondering if you could replace him as my charming warm up guy. |
| 37515 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5651 |
Kevin |
Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam. |
| 37516 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5651 |
Andy |
Hey, that's crazy talk. I think you're great. |
| 37517 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5651 |
Kevin |
Then I won't let you down. |
| 37518 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Kelly |
Cake. |
| 37519 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
In you go. |
| 37520 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
Hi, Ryan, you went to business school, right? |
| 37521 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
Yup. |
| 37522 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
I need somebody to talk to this seminar about business. |
| 37523 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
And? |
| 37524 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
Can you do it? |
| 37525 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
Okay. I don't... I don't like committing to things just like that. |
| 37526 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
So no? |
| 37527 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
No, I don't like committing to not doing things, either. That's just as big a commitment. |
| 37528 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Kelly |
Oh, baby. |
| 37529 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
What do I put you down for, bro hombre? |
| 37530 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
Yes. |
| 37531 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
All right! |
| 37532 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
Yes, I'll do it. |
| 37533 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
Okay, than you so much. It's going to be so awesome. |
| 37534 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Ryan |
And if I flake, I flake. |
| 37535 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5652 |
Andy |
What? |
| 37536 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5653 |
Andy |
Kevin, you open it up. |
| 37537 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5653 |
Kevin |
Yep. |
| 37538 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5653 |
Andy |
Ryan, you come in with your small biz expertise, right? And then Creed: guest speaker extraordinaire. And then I come in and just close all the sales and stuff. Um, okay, here we go. One, two three! |
| 37539 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5653 |
Kevin |
Go. |
| 37540 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5653 |
Creed |
Creed! Ha! |
| 37541 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5654 |
Andy |
Welcome everybody. Awesome to see you guys. My name is Andy Bernard but you can call me The Nard Dog. |
| 37542 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5654 |
Older Woman |
Hi Nard Dog. I'm Lu Peachem. |
| 37543 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5654 |
Andy |
Let's get things started, shall we? You guys ready to hear from the Dunder Mifflin business experts? Good. Well, as you can see on your program... first up is a speech called, "Don't Just Dream it, do it." Yes! Please give a big hand to Mr. Kevin Malone. |
| 37544 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5654 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 37545 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5655 |
Kevin |
There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type. |
| 37546 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5656 |
Kevin |
Dream... big. Right? So what I want you to do is dream the biggest that you c... an. And then double it! . |
| 37547 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5656 |
Andy |
Are you okay? |
| 37548 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5656 |
Kevin |
No. Yes! |
| 37549 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5656 |
Andy |
Here... |
| 37550 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5656 |
Kevin |
No. I'm fine. Okay, from here now. The first lesson that I'm gonna teach you, right, is about finding success. And the key to finding success is to picture a winner. . Okay, so then, what are you picturing right now, right this second? 'Cause the universe is yours, people. Get out of the way! |
| 37551 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5657 |
Andy |
I'm really excited to introduce you guys to Ryan Howard. He has achieved a great deal in the last... |
| 37552 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5657 |
Kelly |
But perhaps no achievement is greater than his on-again, off-again girlfriend. |
| 37553 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5657 |
Andy |
What are you... |
| 37554 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5657 |
Kelly |
Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch. |
| 37555 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5658 |
Kelly |
It is important to brand yourself, so I have a couple of things in works. "The Business Bitch", "The Diet Bitch", "The Shopping Bitch", "The Etiquette Bitch." |
| 37556 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Kelly |
I could sit here, and I could tell you the ten secrets of business, and you would have a great time, and you would learn a lot. But who better to tell you than the Yale University adjunct professor in management, Professor Scott Powell, who I have on my Blackberry. It's ringing. |
| 37557 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Professor Powell |
Hey, Kelly Kapoor. What a delicious surprise. |
| 37558 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Kelly |
Profess Powell, you are on speakerphone. |
| 37559 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Professor Powell |
Uh, why? |
| 37560 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Kelly |
Do you think you could tell us the ten secrets of business? |
| 37561 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Professor Powell |
Um, there aren't really ten secrets. |
| 37562 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Kelly |
Come on Scott, please? It's me. |
| 37563 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Professor Powell |
Um, all right. Well, um, I guess know your market would be key. Practice fiscal discipline. |
| 37564 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5659 |
Kelly |
Mm-hmm. |
| 37565 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5660 |
Andy |
That brilliant little bitch. |
| 37566 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Oscar |
A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that "q" right there. |
| 37567 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Erin |
Wait. Why? |
| 37568 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Oscar |
Put the "q" there, sweetie. |
| 37569 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Pam |
I think there's better... |
| 37570 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Oscar |
Put the "q" there! Sorry I yelled. |
| 37571 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Pam |
You could have just told us what you were thinking. |
| 37572 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Oscar |
There's no theater in that. |
| 37573 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Pam |
There's no yelling in that, either. |
| 37574 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5661 |
Oscar |
Well... |
| 37575 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5662 |
Holly |
What do you do in your free time? |
| 37576 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5662 |
Michael |
Practice Olympics. |
| 37577 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5662 |
Holly |
Mmm. Do you like movies? |
| 37578 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5662 |
Michael |
I like the musical "Grease", or as we call it, "home". |
| 37579 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5662 |
Holly |
We have to try this out on somebody. |
| 37580 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Michael |
Hello. |
| 37581 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Hank |
Look, you want to order something? |
| 37582 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Michael |
She will have a greekaccino. |
| 37583 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Hank |
I don't know what that is. |
| 37584 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Michael |
It... |
| 37585 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Holly |
It's a very strong coffee with milk from a goat. |
| 37586 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Michael |
I can't believe-ee. It's a miracle. She can talk! |
| 37587 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Holly |
No more brain damage. |
| 37588 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Michael |
No more brain damage! |
| 37589 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5663 |
Holly |
Ahh! |
| 37590 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5664 |
Holly |
I don't know. |
| 37591 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5665 |
Andy |
Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is... Creed Bratton. |
| 37592 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5665 |
Creed |
Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a pen1s. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question: Why are you here? |
| 37593 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5665 |
Andy |
Okay. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the rarest of things, an actual free lunch. There are sandwiches in the back. Certainly help yourselves. We'll meet back up in an hour. |
| 37594 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5666 |
Gabe |
I picked out our movie. It's called "Suspiria". It pushes all the boundaries. All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down. |
| 37595 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5666 |
Erin |
When I win... |
| 37596 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5666 |
Gabe |
Ooh. |
| 37597 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5666 |
Erin |
We're gonna watch "Wall-e", where all the boundaries of color are pushed. |
| 37598 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5667 |
Gabe |
It is hard to explain why Erin is doing so well today. The only thing I can think is Erin is living out some "Slumdog Millionaire" scenario, where every word she's playing has a connection to her orphan past. It's possible. |
| 37599 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Dwight |
So what's your crazy business pipe dream? |
| 37600 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Guy |
Well, I started my own golf supply company. |
| 37601 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 37602 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Guy |
It's taken off faster than I expected, so I came here to learn about creating manageable growth. |
| 37603 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Dwight |
Phyllis? |
| 37604 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Phyllis |
Hmm? |
| 37605 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5668 |
Dwight |
Some of these people are for real. |
| 37606 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Dwight |
Hey, friend. How's it going? Oh, you know what? Let me steep that for you. |
| 37607 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 37608 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Dwight |
Hey, you know what? Good news. We're back in. Let's go sell some paper, Buddy. Huh? |
| 37609 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
Really? |
| 37610 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Darryl |
Ahem! |
| 37611 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
Excuse me. |
| 37612 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Dwight |
I got it. I got it. |
| 37613 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
Hey, do you need a lozenge? |
| 37614 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Darryl |
They're a bunch of jackals. |
| 37615 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
What? |
| 37616 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Darryl |
They left you in the lurch, and if they want to jump in, it means you're almost there. You did this. Bring it home. |
| 37617 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5669 |
Andy |
: Let me tell you what you can do with your offer to help. You can table it and offer it up another time. Just know that I really appreciate the gesture. |
| 37618 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5670 |
Andy |
Hi. Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Welcome back. Ooh. Well, hello. Welcome to the seminar. Hey, man. What's goin' on? |
| 37619 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5670 |
Dwight |
You're gonna blow it. |
| 37620 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5670 |
Andy |
Maybe. Only maybe. |
| 37621 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Oscar |
We got it! Wow! We got it! |
| 37622 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Pam |
Oscar, wait. I think the victory would be more meaningful if Erin puts the last word in herself. |
| 37623 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Oscar |
Yes, Pam. Yes, most definitely. Yes. |
| 37624 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 37625 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Oscar |
Ah. No! . Although I must say, I will have "apoplexy" if you lose. Do you understand? "Apoplexy" is what I will have. |
| 37626 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Erin |
Apoplexy. |
| 37627 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Oscar |
Yes. |
| 37628 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5671 |
Erin |
Got it. Oh, Oscar. Oscar? |
| 37629 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5672 |
Erin |
I played "ape." |
| 37630 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5673 |
Jim |
I just want to make a point to that last caller. I disagree. I don't think it is the running game at all. I think we do have to make a few moves in this off-season. |
| 37631 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Andy |
Wow! What a day, right? Guess you guys are probably ready to go. And you got my business card, so... |
| 37632 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Michael |
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. You know, I like you. I'm going to give you my secret gyro recipe. Come out here since it's a secret, and I'll tell you. All, you have to close right now. |
| 37633 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Andy |
Yeah, I mean, I'm getting to it. |
| 37634 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Michael |
No, you're not. You're getting past it. You have to close. You can do it. |
| 37635 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Andy |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 37636 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Michael |
Andy, what's the problem? |
| 37637 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Andy |
This is hard for me. I'm a nice guy. |
| 37638 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5674 |
Michael |
You, Kelly and Creed, Kevin, they believe in you. Don't let them down. Don't let yourself down, Andy. I'm gonna go back in. I'm going to stall them for a little bit. I want you to get your head together, and then come back in. I want you to close. What is taking that guy so long? |
| 37639 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5675 |
Jim |
Psst. You think this thing's gonna go much longer? |
| 37640 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5675 |
Pam |
I don't know. They're still in there. |
| 37641 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5675 |
Jim |
Ohh! Good-bye. |
| 37642 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5675 |
Pam |
Stop. Out with it. |
| 37643 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Pam |
Here's the story. That guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom. |
| 37644 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Jim |
Tom Witochkin. One of my best buddies, actually. |
| 37645 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Pam |
And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group. |
| 37646 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Jim |
I was blue group, so it was second from the top. |
| 37647 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Pam |
And Tom... |
| 37648 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Jim |
Was in the green group. |
| 37649 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Pam |
And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spend time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she though that would be a good influence. |
| 37650 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Jim |
And that's what I told him. |
| 37651 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Pam |
Right. But how'd you say it? |
| 37652 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5676 |
Jim |
"My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with." |
| 37653 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Andy |
Okay, who would like to purchase this small business package from me right now? Yes, we got one. Okay, the snowball is rolling. Who else? You can put it off for a couple of days, but I guarantee you, eventually you're gonna realize you need this. So the only thing that's gonna be different is you'll be a couple of days behind where you would be if you bought this from me right now. So who's gonna buy one right now? |
| 37654 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Older Woman |
I'll take one. |
| 37655 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Andy |
Yes! Awesome! All right, anyone else? Sold! Anybody else? Yes! All right! |
| 37656 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Kelly |
Yeah bitch. |
| 37657 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Andy |
Good choice. The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decision of your life. |
| 37658 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Michael |
No, no, no. |
| 37659 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Andy |
But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime. |
| 37660 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5677 |
Kelly |
Whoo! |
| 37661 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Hey, you think it's cool if I grab a soda? |
| 37662 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
Yeah, woah. Yep, absolutely, go ahead. |
| 37663 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Hey. |
| 37664 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 37665 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
How's it goin'? |
| 37666 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
Pretty good. |
| 37667 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
It's been a while. |
| 37668 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
It has been, yeah. |
| 37669 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
So you work here, huh? |
| 37670 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
Sales. |
| 37671 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory. |
| 37672 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
'Cause you're so smart. |
| 37673 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
Oh, man. You remember that, huh? |
| 37674 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Oh, barely. I'm so dumb, you know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you probably remember every paper sale you ever made. Paper salesman genius. |
| 37675 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
All right, good catch-up. |
| 37676 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Yeah. |
| 37677 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Jim |
See ya. |
| 37678 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5678 |
Tom |
Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg? |
| 37679 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5679 |
Dwight |
Andy. I didn't think you had it in ya. |
| 37680 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5679 |
Andy |
Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't how you missed 'em. |
| 37681 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5680 |
Holly |
Wonderful seminar! |
| 37682 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5680 |
Michael |
Almost as good as the first day when we first met. You are the love of my life. Come to me, Necropolis. Put your lips on my lips. Come on. |
| 37683 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5680 |
Holly |
Michael, I should get back to work. |
| 37684 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5680 |
Michael |
What? Come on. It's time for grapes. Real fun day. |
| 37685 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Gabe |
So, I won. |
| 37686 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Erin |
I know. You get to pick. |
| 37687 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Gabe |
Well, that's actually what I came to talk to you about. I know how much you want to watch "Wall-e". |
| 37688 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Erin |
Yes? |
| 37689 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Gabe |
So I got us a compromise. This movie's called "Hardware". It tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like Wall-e, that the government invented to destroy humans. It's some of what you like and some of what I like, and... married... |
| 37690 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Andy |
Hey, I heard you talking about movies before, and, anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it. |
| 37691 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Erin |
There's a "Shrek" two?! |
| 37692 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Andy |
Oh, yeah. See you tomorrow. |
| 37693 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Gabe |
Nice guy. |
| 37694 |
7 |
14 |
The Seminar |
5681 |
Erin |
Ohh. |
| 37695 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
Everybody, can I please have your attention? Ryan and I have a huge announcement. |
| 37696 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Erin |
Oh my gosh! |
| 37697 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Phyllis |
Wow. |
| 37698 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
Over the weekend, Ryan Bailey Howard and I got divorced. |
| 37699 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Meredith |
Sweet! Free Ring! |
| 37700 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Andy |
Divorced? |
| 37701 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
Just so you know, it's totally amicable. We're fine. We don't need people here to take sides. |
| 37702 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
The last thing that we want is any kind of drama. |
| 37703 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Pam |
Wait. Can you back up? What's the story? |
| 37704 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos. We were making love, constantly. We saw the sunrise. Ryan was crying a lot. |
| 37705 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
It's not irrelevant. Details |
| 37706 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
And in the morning we walked by a chapel and we stopped, suddenly, and Ryan said... |
| 37707 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan, Kelly |
I don't think I should be married to you anymore. |
| 37708 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kevin |
What? |
| 37709 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Andy |
Sorry, when did you get married? |
| 37710 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
Ummm, like a week ago, we got really wasted and it just felt right. |
| 37711 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Andy |
And you didn't invite any of us? |
| 37712 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
We are getting divorced, Andy! This is such a raw time. |
| 37713 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
God baby, you know, people's reactions to this... maybe we made a mistake. |
| 37714 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
No, with the messed up laws in this country, I don't want to be married until everyone can be married. |
| 37715 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Oscar |
You know what Ryan, I talked to the other gay guys, and we're ok with it. We agree it's fine if you got married. |
| 37716 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
No Oscar, Not, not until everyone can! |
| 37717 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
Ryan, I changed my mind. |
| 37718 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Ryan |
Ok fine, you know what, this actually isn't amicable at all and we actually do need people to take sides. Who is on my side? |
| 37719 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5682 |
Kelly |
And who is on my side? |
| 37720 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
All right. Bye. |
| 37721 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 37722 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Let's Go! |
| 37723 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Just a minute. How long do we have to wait? |
| 37724 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
For what? |
| 37725 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
You broke up with AJ weeks ago. |
| 37726 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
Don't you have a sales call to go on? |
| 37727 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
I don't understand. I really don't. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now? |
| 37728 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
We don't know that. |
| 37729 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Sure we do. |
| 37730 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together? |
| 37731 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody. |
| 37732 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
Michael, I can't keep getting into a situation where I date whoever I'm working with. Well, you can understand that. |
| 37733 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Yeah, I understand. I just don't agree. |
| 37734 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
Well you don't have to agree. |
| 37735 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Yes I do. |
| 37736 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
No you don't. |
| 37737 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Yes I do. |
| 37738 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Holly |
No, you can have your own opinion. |
| 37739 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
I have my own opinion and my opinion is to disagree with you. |
| 37740 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
He's going to be a lot of fun to drive around in a car with. |
| 37741 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
Aw you'll get through it hon. Just make a game out of it. A funny "Jim" game. |
| 37742 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
That's it? That's all I get? Even after all the hard work I put into celebrating your talent today? |
| 37743 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
All right, what'd you do? |
| 37744 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Well, those things that you consider doodles, I consider art. |
| 37745 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
Where'd you put it? |
| 37746 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Where'd I put what? |
| 37747 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Let's go. |
| 37748 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Oh, sorry gotta go. |
| 37749 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
Say it. Where? |
| 37750 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Ok fine, three hints. One! When you are getting colder, you're really getting warmer. |
| 37751 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
The fridge. |
| 37752 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
Two! You have a better chance, if you think Bob Vance. |
| 37753 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
The fridge, got it. |
| 37754 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
And the final clue... |
| 37755 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Michael |
Let's go! |
| 37756 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Jim |
You know what, just think about it, you'll be fine. |
| 37757 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5683 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 37758 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5684 |
Erin |
Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts. |
| 37759 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Cheer up. We made a sale. |
| 37760 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
Just drive faster. I want to get back. |
| 37761 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Well, I'm going the speed limit. So... |
| 37762 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
Okay, fine. My feelings don't matter to you. What matters to you is your precious speed limit. |
| 37763 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Someone's in a bad mood. |
| 37764 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
No I'm not. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm not, Jim. Hello? Ok fine, ignore me. Have it your way. Let's just talk about you, as always. Is s*x different after the baby, Jim? |
| 37765 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Alright, let me turn on some music. |
| 37766 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
I need to pee. |
| 37767 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
No you don't. |
| 37768 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
Yeah, I do. My word against yours. |
| 37769 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Alright. Well we'll be there in ten minutes. |
| 37770 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
What part of "I need to pee" do you not understand? I'm upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now all over the inside of your precious little car. |
| 37771 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Jim |
Alright, Well if I see a gas station, I'll pull over. |
| 37772 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5685 |
Michael |
Well I hope I make it. |
| 37773 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
Hello? |
| 37774 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Helene |
Hi Jim, it's Helen. |
| 37775 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
Hey Helen. Is everything ok? |
| 37776 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Helene |
Everything is fine. Baby's fine. She has a tiny fever. I'm taking her for a check up. Nothing to worry about. |
| 37777 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
Ok... |
| 37778 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Helene |
A tiny thing. I locked her in the car. |
| 37779 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
What? |
| 37780 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Helene |
She's smiling. She's happy. |
| 37781 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
Oh my God. |
| 37782 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Helene |
Jim, I don't have a spare key. |
| 37783 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Jim |
Just stay there. I'll be there in one second. Michael! Michael! Excuse me, sir there is a guy in the bathroom. He's coming out but I have to go because it's an emergency. Will you just tell him call the office. Just call the office! Thank you. Please? |
| 37784 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5686 |
Guy |
Hello? |
| 37785 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
This is Pam. |
| 37786 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Hey it's me. So uh, don't worry. Everything's ok. |
| 37787 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
What's wrong? |
| 37788 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're not holding a cup of coffee or anything are you? |
| 37789 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Jim, what? |
| 37790 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Uh, so, Cece had a little bit of a fever. And your mom also locked her in the car. |
| 37791 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Oh God! What?! |
| 37792 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
No no no it's ok. So, Cece is with daddy now. She's laughing and she's happy. And we are on our way to see Dr. Barbra. |
| 37793 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Ok. She's ok? |
| 37794 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Yes, and your mom got a very well deserved day off. So here's the thing though. I left Michael at the gas station on Benet. |
| 37795 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Understood. |
| 37796 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
And his wallet and phone are on the seat next to me. |
| 37797 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Got it. I will put out a A.P.B. Otherwise known as a "Ask Pam Beasley". ... Did the phone cut off? |
| 37798 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 37799 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Alright, just call me after the doctor. |
| 37800 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Jim |
Ok. Bye. |
| 37801 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5687 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 37802 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Michael |
I know, I know you have a phone policy. I understand. But this is an emergency because my friend isn't here and I am worried that he has been abducted. |
| 37803 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Attendant |
No, he ditched you man. I saw him drive away. |
| 37804 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Michael |
There is no way he ditched me. There is no way that happened. He's my... Ok. May I please just use your phone? Please! |
| 37805 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Attendant |
Just make it quick. |
| 37806 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Michael |
Ok. I will make it quick. I will make it very quick. And you don't have my numbers on speed dial. Ah, Ok. What is it? |
| 37807 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Attendant |
You don't know it. |
| 37808 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Michael |
You know what, I can dial 411, get Jim's number. |
| 37809 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5688 |
Attendant |
He left you here on purpose. All right? I saw it. He just drove away. |
| 37810 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5689 |
Michael |
Actually this is good. I am going to take this opportunity to go walk-about. Good. Good. Nope, get away. No, that's enough. Ok. |
| 37811 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Holly |
It's the gas station on Benet Street? |
| 37812 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 37813 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Holly |
Ok. |
| 37814 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Erin |
You know what? Why don't you stay and I'll go? |
| 37815 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Holly |
Oh no no no. I'll be fine. |
| 37816 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Erin |
It's kind of a sketchy neighborhood though. I better come along. |
| 37817 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5690 |
Dwight |
Problem solved everyone. Space Orphan and Princess Nincompoop are off to rescue Michael. Unbelievable. I'm going. You drive, I got a car full of fox meat. |
| 37818 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Pam |
Cute. Very funny, everyone. Who wrote captions under my doodle? I'm not even kidding. They're pretty good. |
| 37819 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Oscar |
Which on in particular? |
| 37820 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Andy |
Yeah, which one? |
| 37821 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Pam |
Well the first one has a surprise factor. "I'm a suck suck-suckidy Sabre!" |
| 37822 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Andy |
Boo-yea! |
| 37823 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Gabe |
No no. No no no. |
| 37824 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Pam |
But, ah, I suppose the second one is the better written line. |
| 37825 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Oscar |
You suppose? |
| 37826 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Darryl |
What's it say? |
| 37827 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Oscar |
"I'm suppose to be wearing red gloves but my color cartridge portal, got jammed again." |
| 37828 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Gabe |
Ok. No no no. |
| 37829 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Kevin |
Red gloves. |
| 37830 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Darrly |
Keep it real. |
| 37831 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Pam |
You guys, if I knew you wanted to do a caption contest, I would have drawn something more challenging. |
| 37832 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Darryl |
And I will take you all down. |
| 37833 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Andy |
You? |
| 37834 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Darryl |
I've been reading the comics to my daughter since she was three years old. Not once I have used the real captions to Family Circus. That crazy family is hilarious to her for one reason: me. |
| 37835 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Andy |
Oh it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean Jean in Buton. |
| 37836 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Pam |
Yes. You guys, I have the perfect idea. Ok, it will just take me ten minutes. |
| 37837 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Andy |
Woo-hoo. |
| 37838 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5691 |
Kevin |
I can't wait. |
| 37839 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Dwight |
Male. Caucasian. Forties. Black hair. Facial type: marsupial. |
| 37840 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Erin |
He answers to Michal. Michal G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox. |
| 37841 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Attendant |
Yeah, he just left. |
| 37842 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Holly |
Which way did he go? |
| 37843 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Dwight |
Hey hey hey. Let me answer this. Stupid question. He went back to the office, obviously, which is that way. |
| 37844 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Holly |
Oh really? You don't think he walked by the bakery just for the smell of it? |
| 37845 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Attendant |
She's right. He went that way. |
| 37846 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5692 |
Dwight |
Alright. Don't get a swelled head. You're no tracker. Let's ride. |
| 37847 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5693 |
Michael |
Hey you guys. Listen to me. Don't get hung up on just one girl because there are a whole lot of other girls out there. Look over there. See? They look cute. Hello! You guys are so beautiful. You're so colorful. I wish I could understand you. That's a metaphor I guess. You are disgusting. You'll never find love. Yekkk. Do you think she needs more time or is it never going to happen? I'm being serious. Seriously. |
| 37848 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. |
| 37849 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
Has Michael checked in? |
| 37850 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
Oh, hey Dwight. |
| 37851 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
I asked you a question. |
| 37852 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
No, he hasn't. |
| 37853 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
Goodbye. |
| 37854 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
No, wait. Hey, while you are out, could pick up some paper towels and chocolate syrup? We have ice cream so I thought... |
| 37855 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
Pam, this isn't a shopping trip. |
| 37856 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Erin |
No. |
| 37857 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
This is a man-hunt slash rescue mission. |
| 37858 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
Ok. I, just, when you are done or any time it's convent, I just thought since you are out... |
| 37859 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
Pam, I'm obviously going to get that stuff for you so just shut up. |
| 37860 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Pam |
Ok, well it wasn't obvious so... |
| 37861 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Dwight |
No word from Michael. |
| 37862 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5694 |
Holly |
Oh. |
| 37863 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Pam |
Ta-da! |
| 37864 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Kevin |
Ok, it's two giant dogs with two giant palm trees on a regular size island. |
| 37865 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Oscar |
Ok. I got one. |
| 37866 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 37867 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Oscar |
Yes! |
| 37868 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
Ok, I'm sorry but I am going to have to shut this down. |
| 37869 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Office |
Boo! |
| 37870 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Meredith |
Why? |
| 37871 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
Unless we can all agree to some ground rules. It's either that or I can fax this to Joe and let her decide how to proceed. |
| 37872 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Darryl |
Gabe, tell us your stupid rules so we can start the game. |
| 37873 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for. |
| 37874 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Oscar |
Irony is such a critical... |
| 37875 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
Number two: no pop culture references. |
| 37876 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Pam |
Seriously? |
| 37877 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 37878 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
I think we can all agree that they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other. |
| 37879 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Darryl |
Wrap it up, Gabe. |
| 37880 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5695 |
Gabe |
Ok final thing, and this is a fun one: Instead of writing the caption directly under the picture, let's all try using Sticky Quips. All right? New, from Dunder Mifflin Sabre. |
| 37881 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5696 |
Gabe |
Sticky Quips are fun. They are safe. They are handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-It notes when I am in a fun mood. Not every day. |
| 37882 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Gabe |
Go get 'em. Start quipin'. |
| 37883 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Oscar |
Pam, I think I'm going to send you an IM. |
| 37884 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Pam |
Oh! Ok. |
| 37885 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Darryl |
Send me one too. |
| 37886 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Andy |
Yeah, yeah. Put me on that. |
| 37887 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Phyllis |
C.C |
| 37888 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5697 |
Kevin |
Ditto. |
| 37889 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
Hello. I would like a hot dog please. Now, I don't have any money so here is what I would like to do. I leave you here with my watch, and I come back later to pay for the hot dog. |
| 37890 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Hot Dog Guy |
I'm not a pawn shop. |
| 37891 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
Well I understand that but this is a $45 watch. |
| 37892 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Hot Dog Guy |
Wow. |
| 37893 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
With that I can buy... half the menu. |
| 37894 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Hot Dog Guy |
I can't just go giving away hot dogs. |
| 37895 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
All right. What do you do with the hog dogs that you don't sell? |
| 37896 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Hot Dog Guy |
Throw 'em away. |
| 37897 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now into my mouth? |
| 37898 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Hot Dog Guy |
No. |
| 37899 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5698 |
Michael |
Okay. You've just lost my business. |
| 37900 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 37901 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Erin |
Hey, you were in there forever. |
| 37902 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
There's too many brands. Where's Holly? |
| 37903 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Erin |
She wandered off like an idiot. |
| 37904 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
Hey! |
| 37905 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Holly |
Hey. |
| 37906 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 37907 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Holly |
Oh, just changing my cell phone plan. Okay. Okay. Here you go. I'll take my free stress ball too now. |
| 37908 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Cell Phone Sales Person |
Sure thing. Here you go, Miss... Okay, Fanny Smellmore. Real original. |
| 37909 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Holly |
What? |
| 37910 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Cell Phone Sales Person |
You know what? Say hi to Orville Tootenbacher for me. |
| 37911 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
Tootenbacher. |
| 37912 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Erin |
Orville Tootenbacher. That's Michael's millionaire character that... |
| 37913 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight, Erin |
farts popcorn. |
| 37914 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Dwight |
Of course. He was here. She's the key. Amazing. Holly. Hey, where you would you like to go next? Holly? |
| 37915 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5699 |
Holly |
Are their egg rolls really that big? |
| 37916 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Oh, boy. That was yummy. Thank you so much. You know what? I think I left my wallet in my car. Do you mind if I run out and get it? |
| 37917 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
No problem. |
| 37918 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Okay. I'll be right back. . Okay. You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't have my wallet and I was gonna try to dine and dash and that was stupid and I realize I can't do that to you fine people. |
| 37919 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
So you can't pay for your food? |
| 37920 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Well I can, but I will have to come back later tonight and pay you. But the point is I did the right thing. |
| 37921 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
You did not. You have no money. And you dined so much. |
| 37922 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Well the number three is not such a giant feast. |
| 37923 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
Mr. Chu! |
| 37924 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Okay, all right. You know what? |
| 37925 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
You were trying to steal food from us? |
| 37926 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
I am not. I just have had a bad day. And I... okay. I'll be back later with the money. I'm just gonna leave right now. |
| 37927 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Waiter |
You can't. We'll stop you. |
| 37928 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5700 |
Michael |
Well, I think I can get through the door. |
| 37929 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Dwight |
Excuse me Do you speak English? We are looking for a man. Michael, this tall, black hair, Caucasian... |
| 37930 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Erin |
It's Michael! |
| 37931 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Waiter |
He just left. |
| 37932 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Erin |
You knew. |
| 37933 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Holly |
What? No. Dwight asked if I wanted an egg roll. What... what are you implying? |
| 37934 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Dwight |
Uncanny. Put a pin in that. Which way did he go? That guy! When he leave here, which way did he go? We looking for him. This way, this way, this way? I don't know. Do you know? |
| 37935 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Waiter |
I think he was heading downtown. |
| 37936 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5701 |
Dwight |
He's heading downtown. |
| 37937 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Gabe |
So what, no one's even gonna try? |
| 37938 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Pam |
Guess not. |
| 37939 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Gabe |
Oh, come on. My rules could not possibly have been that oppressive. |
| 37940 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Darryl |
You crushed our spirits, Gabe. Congrats. You're a big man, huh? Take a lot to destroy the creativity of a whole group of people. |
| 37941 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Gabe |
Hey... |
| 37942 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Stanley |
Click the "x" |
| 37943 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Phyllis |
I'm clicking! |
| 37944 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Stanley |
In the box. |
| 37945 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Phyllis |
I am clicking. |
| 37946 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Stanley |
Woman, you've had a computer for years! |
| 37947 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Andy |
Phyllis! |
| 37948 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Gabe |
Too late! Oh. Ha. An IM chat. Very clever. I'll just print that out. Come on guys. Grow up. I don't want to be your babysitter. |
| 37949 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5702 |
Andy |
Oooohhh. |
| 37950 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
"Darn it Bob. I told you not to buy a Sabre brand lifeboat." |
| 37951 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Kevin |
Nice! |
| 37952 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
No, not nice. Terrible. Doesn't even include the fact that they're dogs. |
| 37953 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Andy |
Do the next one. |
| 37954 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
"Wake up, Fred. The power cord on your Sabre printer shocked you into a coma, and you're dreaming you're a dog on a desert island.' |
| 37955 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Darryl |
Dreaming he's a dog on a island. |
| 37956 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
Uh, excuse me, excuse me. How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming? |
| 37957 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Phyllis |
Well, if you think it's so easy, Gabe, why don't you try it? |
| 37958 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
Umm... "You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob, I'm the only one here." Ha. |
| 37959 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Oscar |
That's tasteless, Gabe. |
| 37960 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
Tasteless? |
| 37961 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Oscar |
Tasteless. |
| 37962 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Gabe |
More tasteless than this..."is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinnier? Either way, let's pee on it." |
| 37963 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Pam |
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner. |
| 37964 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Phyllis |
Yes. |
| 37965 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Kevin |
Yes, well done! |
| 37966 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Oscar |
Who's is it? Who wrote that? |
| 37967 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5703 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, who wrote it? |
| 37968 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5704 |
Angela |
Please. It was easy once I decided I wanted the dog to piss on Gabe. |
| 37969 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Erin |
Where did he go, Holly? |
| 37970 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Holly |
I have no idea. |
| 37971 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
Do you see a little clown that you want to follow, huh? Is there a little bird that's chirping to you, "this way, this way"? |
| 37972 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Holly |
I don't know. |
| 37973 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
Okay, close your eyes, we need you to think. What is Michael seeing right now? Can you tell him that we miss him? Michael we're coming for you! |
| 37974 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Holly |
Will you stop! There has been a few coincidences, that's all. |
| 37975 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
All right then. Someone propose a plan. |
| 37976 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Erin |
Okay. We fan out... |
| 37977 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
Not you, Erin. |
| 37978 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Holly |
Stop looking at me like that. Okay, let's just go up somewhere high and see if we could spot him on the street below. |
| 37979 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No. Tap into your common mind and tell us what he would do next. |
| 37980 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Holly |
Look, I'm not playing. I'm gonna go look for him. |
| 37981 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Erin |
Good. We don't need her. |
| 37982 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5705 |
Dwight |
Right. I can do this on my own. I can think like Michael. All right... I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo's coming right at me. No. Damn it, that's just my own imagination. Maybe he's bowling. |
| 37983 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
Michael? |
| 37984 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
Hi. How did you know I was up here? |
| 37985 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
What are you doing up here? |
| 37986 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
I got turned around. I thought I could see Dunder Mifflin. |
| 37987 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
Dunder Mifflin. |
| 37988 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
Yeah. Wow. I just miss you so much. |
| 37989 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
I missed you too. |
| 37990 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
Really? |
| 37991 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 37992 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
Can I kiss you? |
| 37993 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 37994 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5706 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 37995 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Phyllis |
Maybe that's not the best one. Keep reading. |
| 37996 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Gabe |
Uh, it was. |
| 37997 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Meredith |
Maybe it wasn't. |
| 37998 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Gabe |
"Oh, thank God. I had a horrible nightmare that I was stuck in America with Gabe." |
| 37999 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Andy |
Oh! |
| 38000 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Phyllis |
No, that's not the one I was thinking of. Keep going. |
| 38001 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Gabe |
"I know what it smells like but I didn't roll in anything. It's from listening to all of Gabe's bull. "Isn't this the perfect romantic getaway, Erin? Sitting on a deserted island wearing dog costumes? I'm Gabe and I'm a weirdo." |
| 38002 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Gabe |
"Gabe's mom... hmm... Gabe's mom? Wait. Tall woman? Looks like Gabe? Yeah, I banged her." |
| 38003 |
7 |
15 |
The Search |
5707 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, there you go. |
| 38004 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Pam |
Hey. How you doing? |
| 38005 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Darryl |
Thinking about my grandmother a lot. |
| 38006 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 38007 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Darryl |
She was about to turn 97. |
| 38008 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Pam |
At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you. |
| 38009 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Darryl |
Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop." |
| 38010 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Pam |
It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday. |
| 38011 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Darryl |
"Hooray. Live it up big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"? |
| 38012 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Andy |
Birthday punches! One two three four five sice seven eight! |
| 38013 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry. |
| 38014 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5708 |
Andy |
...thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five twenty-six!... |
| 38015 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Andy |
...So I got an early res at Blue Wasabi and I'm taking Rachel. She's picking me up after work. |
| 38016 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Darryl |
Rachel from the party? |
| 38017 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Andy |
Oh, yeah! |
| 38018 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Darryl |
Nice. Do the damn thing. - Pow! |
| 38019 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Phyllis |
Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene. |
| 38020 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Holly |
Okay, bye. Okay, bye. I'll miss you. |
| 38021 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Michael |
Miss you. Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me. |
| 38022 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Holly |
Bye. |
| 38023 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Michael |
Okay, bye. Bye. All right, bye. Bye... bye. |
| 38024 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Holly |
Okay, one more quick one. |
| 38025 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5709 |
Michael |
Don't go. I don't want you to go. Oh don't go. Don't go. |
| 38026 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5710 |
Michael |
Holly and I are dating. It's been a week, and I still can't believe it. It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you. |
| 38027 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5711 |
Gabe |
And what do we have here? |
| 38028 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5711 |
Erin |
From my secret admirer. That's you! |
| 38029 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5711 |
Gabe |
Come on. |
| 38030 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5712 |
Gabe |
I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science. |
| 38031 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Erin |
"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt! |
| 38032 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Gabe |
Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck. |
| 38033 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Erin |
But, there's no clue. |
| 38034 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Gabe |
Well, get to work. |
| 38035 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Erin |
I can't, 'cause there's no clue. |
| 38036 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Gabe |
The puzzle is the clue. |
| 38037 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5713 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 38038 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5714 |
Michael |
Are these numbers correct? |
| 38039 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5714 |
Oscar |
The numbers are correct, Michael. |
| 38040 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5714 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 38041 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5714 |
Michael |
Are you... are you sick, Oscar? Do you need to go home? 'Cause you're grossing me out. |
| 38042 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5714 |
Oscar |
I jus... I just need a signature. |
| 38043 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Jim |
There you go. Thanks. |
| 38044 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Pam |
How much did you give him? |
| 38045 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Jim |
Big tip. |
| 38046 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Pam |
Wait. I don't have my scarf. |
| 38047 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Jim |
What? |
| 38048 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5715 |
Pam |
I'm missing my scarf. Oh. |
| 38049 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Jim |
We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing. |
| 38050 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Pam |
Yeah, lunch was wonderful! |
| 38051 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Jim |
Shh. |
| 38052 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Pam |
Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there? |
| 38053 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Jim |
Um, bottomless champagne. |
| 38054 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Pam |
Yes. Never found that bottom, did we? |
| 38055 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5716 |
Jim |
No. |
| 38056 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Psst! Psst! |
| 38057 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
What's up? |
| 38058 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Are you good at jigsaw puzzles? |
| 38059 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
Are you kidding me? It's all I did every summer when my brothers were out sailing. |
| 38060 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 38061 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
But if there is a romantic thing with Gabe, I should probably... |
| 38062 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Oh! No, no, no, no. It's not weird at all. You have your new girlfriend. I have Gabe. This is just as friends. |
| 38063 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
Well, okay then. |
| 38064 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Yes! |
| 38065 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
At least until Stanley calms down. |
| 38066 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Oh, is he... |
| 38067 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Andy |
D...d...d...d...don't look. I accidentally did his Sudoku. |
| 38068 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5717 |
Erin |
Andy. |
| 38069 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5718 |
Jim |
All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you. |
| 38070 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5718 |
Dwight |
Okay, my name is j...j...j...j...j...j...j...j Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p...p...p...p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really. |
| 38071 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5718 |
Jim |
Wait. |
| 38072 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5718 |
Dwight |
You're just filling that out right now. That wasn't meant for me. I will not be your Valentine. |
| 38073 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5718 |
Jim |
Aww, nuts. |
| 38074 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
I don't know if anyone else feels this way and don't get me wrong, I love Michael and Holly, and maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but... the PDA. |
| 38075 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Oscar |
Yes! The freaking PDA! |
| 38076 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
Uh-huh. |
| 38077 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Oscar |
Thank you! I mean, I'm thrilled for them. |
| 38078 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
No one is more thrilled for them than I am... |
| 38079 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Oscar |
Yes, yes, absolutely. |
| 38080 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
...but it's totally inappropriate. |
| 38081 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Darryl |
Yeah, it's a little much. |
| 38082 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Phyllis |
Mm-hmm. |
| 38083 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Darryl |
Obviously, so happy for them both. |
| 38084 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Oscar |
So happy. Yeah. |
| 38085 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Kevin |
I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because... |
| 38086 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
No, stop! Just don't. |
| 38087 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Oscar |
Kevin! |
| 38088 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Kevin |
Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny. |
| 38089 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5719 |
Angela |
God! Kevin! |
| 38090 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
So tell me about your new girlfriend. |
| 38091 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Andy |
She's neat. Uh, I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there. |
| 38092 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
Aww, cute. |
| 38093 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Andy |
Hey, look at that. Done. |
| 38094 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
That's Gabe's boom box. Come on. We have to go find it. |
| 38095 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Andy |
I wish you well on your quest. |
| 38096 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
No, come on. |
| 38097 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Andy |
Aww, I mean... |
| 38098 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
Come on! |
| 38099 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 38100 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5720 |
Erin |
Ha! |
| 38101 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5721 |
Gabe |
I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just... like it's coming from my own head. |
| 38102 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5721 |
Michael |
Sit. Okay, just close your eyes. |
| 38103 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5721 |
Holly |
Ohh. Can you get lower? |
| 38104 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5721 |
Michael |
Oh, yeah. |
| 38105 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5721 |
Holly |
A little lower. |
| 38106 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5722 |
Holly |
I cannot keep myself from Michael. Everything he does is sexy. He has this undeniable animal magnetism. He's a jungle cat. The man exudes s*x. He can put both his legs behind his head. |
| 38107 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Thank you all for meeting on such sort notice. |
| 38108 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Yes? |
| 38109 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Michael |
Yes. Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. What is the purpose of this meeting? |
| 38110 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace. |
| 38111 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Michael |
Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on. |
| 38112 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances. |
| 38113 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Ryan |
Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting. |
| 38114 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Meredith |
Uh, I also don't see Andy. |
| 38115 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Kevin |
Oooh. |
| 38116 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Jim |
OOH! Boom! Face! |
| 38117 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny. What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam. |
| 38118 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Pam |
Yeah. What? Us? |
| 38119 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. |
| 38120 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Jim |
Did it! |
| 38121 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Pam |
Yeah! |
| 38122 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Jim |
Love it. Keep it goin. |
| 38123 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Okay. So, PDAs. That's gonna include behaviors such as hugging, kissing, uh... |
| 38124 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Kevin |
Booby honking. |
| 38125 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Yeah, booby honking. Sure. |
| 38126 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Kevin |
Butt honking. |
| 38127 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Butt honking. Yeah, all the honking. |
| 38128 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Creed |
The one where you start in a crouches position, then you leap... |
| 38129 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Sure. Basically, there's no precise definition, but you know it when you see it. Ahem. |
| 38130 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Oscar |
Are you guys listening to this? |
| 38131 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Michael |
What, are you talking about me and Holly? |
| 38132 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Pam |
Yeah! |
| 38133 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5723 |
Gabe |
Maybe you find your own chair. |
| 38134 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Holly |
So we kiss occasionally. |
| 38135 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Oscar |
Not occasionally. All the time. |
| 38136 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, and it's not just the kissing. It's the flirtatious whispering. |
| 38137 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Stanley |
The flirtatious tickling. |
| 38138 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Whispering and tickling have their place in business. |
| 38139 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Darryl |
That thing were you softly exhale on her neck. |
| 38140 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
I... Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that. Look, you are all hypocrites. You all do it. |
| 38141 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
Michael. Confession: I have done PDA in the office. |
| 38142 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Thank you. |
| 38143 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
I've had intercourse in the office. |
| 38144 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
All right. |
| 38145 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
As has Angela! |
| 38146 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Angela |
Dwight! |
| 38147 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. As has Michael and as has Holly. |
| 38148 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Kevin |
As has Kevin! |
| 38149 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Angela |
With who? |
| 38150 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Kevin |
She goes to another school. |
| 38151 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Okay. Fine. No more PDA. |
| 38152 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Oscar |
Good. |
| 38153 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
You win. But here's what we are going to do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone. |
| 38154 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Angela |
No. |
| 38155 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Anything goes. |
| 38156 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Oscar |
Just leave it how you said... |
| 38157 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
Michael, that's absurd. What if two couples want to go at the same time? |
| 38158 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Okay, then we have two closets. No, no, we're gonna have three closets, one for each base, no homers. Yes? |
| 38159 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation? |
| 38160 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
Pro. |
| 38161 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 38162 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5724 |
Michael |
What? Problem solved. |
| 38163 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5725 |
Michael |
No, no, it's great. I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises. |
| 38164 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5726 |
Pam |
That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have s*x in the office. That's where you work, right? |
| 38165 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5726 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 38166 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5726 |
Pam |
You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had s*x there, except for you and him. |
| 38167 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5726 |
Jim |
Ew. |
| 38168 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
Don't mind us. You keep working. |
| 38169 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Darryl |
Okay. I'll keep working. |
| 38170 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
Oh, my God. It's a song. |
| 38171 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Whoa. |
| 38172 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
What do you think is on it? |
| 38173 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad. |
| 38174 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us. |
| 38175 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
I think he can hear us. |
| 38176 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level. |
| 38177 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
Darryl. |
| 38178 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Darryl is a jerk. |
| 38179 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
No, he's not. |
| 38180 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
No, I'm just testing if he can hear. |
| 38181 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Darryl |
I can hear you. |
| 38182 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Oh. Okay. |
| 38183 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song. |
| 38184 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Boom Box |
The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. |
| 38185 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
The temp at night? |
| 38186 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Erin |
What do you... |
| 38187 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Darryl |
You got it. Pick it up. Take it out. |
| 38188 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Pi... |
| 38189 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Darryl |
Pick it up. |
| 38190 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 38191 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Darryl |
Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out. |
| 38192 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5727 |
Andy |
Right. Okay. |
| 38193 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Holly |
Sorry to interrupt. Forgot to collect my things. |
| 38194 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Michael |
Ah, the old "leave behind." Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working. |
| 38195 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Holly |
Oh, no. Michael, I don't want to make people uncomfortable. |
| 38196 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Michael |
Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don't... I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt. |
| 38197 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Holly |
Yeah, but if they're uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable. |
| 38198 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Michael |
Oh. Okay. Well, if it makes you uncomfortable, then we'll stop. |
| 38199 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5728 |
Holly |
Okay. |
| 38200 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5729 |
Michael |
Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart. |
| 38201 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Michael |
Hey, you know why people here are complaining? They are jealous of two people in love on Valentine's Day. |
| 38202 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Holly |
Two people in love? |
| 38203 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Michael |
I love you. |
| 38204 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Holly |
Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We've only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, "oh, hey, there's Holly. I love that girl." Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me? |
| 38205 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Michael |
I love you-love you. |
| 38206 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Holly |
Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you. |
| 38207 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Michael |
I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. |
| 38208 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5730 |
Holly |
I love you. |
| 38209 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5731 |
Michael |
Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me. |
| 38210 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Andy |
Okay, Ryan's the temp. What does he do at night? |
| 38211 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Erin |
I guess we just have to wait until night and see. |
| 38212 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Andy |
Oh, or maybe not. |
| 38213 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Erin |
Oh. Cool. |
| 38214 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Andy |
How romantic is this? |
| 38215 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Erin |
Super romantic. |
| 38216 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Andy |
Right. Do you see a clue or... |
| 38217 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Erin |
Yeah. Did you not see it? |
| 38218 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Andy |
Oh, my gosh. |
| 38219 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5732 |
Erin |
Hanks. |
| 38220 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Jim, Pam |
Hey! |
| 38221 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Andy, Erin |
Hey. |
| 38222 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Andy |
No time to chat. |
| 38223 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Erin |
Sorry. |
| 38224 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Jim |
Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here. |
| 38225 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Ryan |
Hey. You're looking for me? |
| 38226 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey. |
| 38227 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Ryan |
No you weren't. |
| 38228 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Pam |
No, we weren't. |
| 38229 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Ryan |
You wanted to have s*x in my office. |
| 38230 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Pam |
No. |
| 38231 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Jim |
Definitely not. That's disgusting. |
| 38232 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Ryan |
No. It's... it's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here. |
| 38233 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Jim |
Hey, you don't have to... |
| 38234 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Pam |
That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die. |
| 38235 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5733 |
Jim |
That was really rough. |
| 38236 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5734 |
Pam |
Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have s*x in the office. |
| 38237 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5734 |
Jim |
No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place. |
| 38238 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5734 |
Pam |
Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. |
| 38239 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5734 |
Jim |
And a shower. |
| 38240 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
Hello, Holly. |
| 38241 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
Hello. |
| 38242 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
Here, shake. No! |
| 38243 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
No, don't touch. |
| 38244 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
No, we can't. |
| 38245 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
No touching. |
| 38246 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
No touching. Ah, I'm trying not to touch you. |
| 38247 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
Oh. |
| 38248 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
Oh. |
| 38249 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
Almost got you. |
| 38250 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
Oh, no, so close. Oh. No, we can't do that. We can't do this. Ohh. |
| 38251 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
You're not touching me. |
| 38252 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
I don't know what your body feels like 'cause I can't touch it. |
| 38253 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Oscar |
Okay, this is much worse than before. |
| 38254 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I agree. This is nasty. |
| 38255 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
Grab you here. |
| 38256 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Holly |
And here. |
| 38257 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5735 |
Michael |
I will grab you here anyway. |
| 38258 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Gabe |
You have to cut it out. |
| 38259 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Holly |
Okay. |
| 38260 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Michael |
Never. |
| 38261 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Holly |
You said you would. |
| 38262 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Michael |
I did say I would, but I was wrong. I can't stop. You don't what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot and will not, and frankly, cannot be contained. |
| 38263 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Gabe |
No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One: You're taking MDMA. Street name, ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling. |
| 38264 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Holly |
No, I don't think so. |
| 38265 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Gabe |
Number two: You're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three: You're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior. |
| 38266 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Michael |
Yes, it was that. It's that one. |
| 38267 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5736 |
Holly |
Yes. Number three. |
| 38268 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Holly |
Give me all your money and take off your clothes. |
| 38269 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Michael |
We're not supposed to PDA. |
| 38270 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Holly |
Come one. Nobody's looking. What's wrong? |
| 38271 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Michael |
I haven't thought about you having to go back to Nashua. |
| 38272 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Holly |
Maybe we didn't want to think about it. We can make it work. We'll date long-distance. |
| 38273 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Michael |
That's what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How's this gonna be any different? |
| 38274 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Holly |
We weren't in love last time. |
| 38275 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Michael |
I was in love with you. |
| 38276 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5737 |
Holly |
I'm not saying it won't be hard. But we can make it work. That's what she said. |
| 38277 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5738 |
Erin |
Oh. One Erin Special, please. |
| 38278 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5738 |
Hank |
Here's your bottle of sparkling cider. |
| 38279 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5738 |
Andy |
Hey. |
| 38280 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5738 |
Erin |
That's my favorite. |
| 38281 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5738 |
Hank |
I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some in the break room when you're through. |
| 38282 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Kevin |
Hey, buck up, buddy! |
| 38283 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Darryl |
Make that face he likes. |
| 38284 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Hey. Hey. Come on. You're hurting him. |
| 38285 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
It's like a time bomb... |
| 38286 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Shh. |
| 38287 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
...is ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging. |
| 38288 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Just hush. |
| 38289 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
Sexual time bomb. |
| 38290 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Just rock. Shh. |
| 38291 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera. |
| 38292 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Movie idea? |
| 38293 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
No. Saving the world has never been this hard. |
| 38294 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Okay. Shh. Have you talked to her about your feelings? Women really go for that crap. |
| 38295 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
No, I can't talk to her. I can't even look at her without thinking about it ending. |
| 38296 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Kevin! Do more stupid faces. |
| 38297 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Kevin |
Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces. |
| 38298 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
I don't know. |
| 38299 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
Do the monkey face. |
| 38300 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Do the monkey face! |
| 38301 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
I love that. I love that face. |
| 38302 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down. |
| 38303 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
No. The monkey! |
| 38304 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Go back to the monkey! |
| 38305 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop. |
| 38306 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Hurl your feces. |
| 38307 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
That's good. |
| 38308 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
Good. |
| 38309 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
That's good. He's throwing it. |
| 38310 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Dwight |
They really do that. |
| 38311 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5739 |
Michael |
I know. |
| 38312 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Erin |
B-9. |
| 38313 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Andy |
B-9. |
| 38314 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Erin |
Like a benign tumor. |
| 38315 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Andy |
Maybe it's just more like, "be mine." |
| 38316 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Erin |
Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss." |
| 38317 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Andy |
Mm. |
| 38318 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Erin |
Mm. Oh. We're suppose to...mmm |
| 38319 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5740 |
Andy |
Hmm. |
| 38320 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
Holly. Hey. |
| 38321 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Holly |
Hi. |
| 38322 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think we need to break up. |
| 38323 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Holly |
What? What are you talking about? |
| 38324 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow. |
| 38325 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Holly |
No, we're gonna talk now. You're not breaking up with me. |
| 38326 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
You're gonna go back to Nashua eventually, and I can't handle it. So let's just...let's... |
| 38327 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Holly |
What if I said it wasn't up to them? |
| 38328 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
Who? |
| 38329 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Holly |
The company. Nobody knows our future, but it's not gonna be decided by the company. It's not gonna be decided by anybody but us. What we are is up to you and me. |
| 38330 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5741 |
Michael |
Okay. Okay. |
| 38331 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Michael |
Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend! |
| 38332 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Oscar |
Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up. |
| 38333 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Kevin |
Better luck next time, pal. |
| 38334 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Michael |
Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu. |
| 38335 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Holly |
You do? |
| 38336 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Michael |
I do. |
| 38337 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Oscar |
Go on. Kiss each other already. |
| 38338 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Kevin |
Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you. |
| 38339 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5742 |
Oscar |
I just told them to do it! |
| 38340 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5743 |
Jim |
What? |
| 38341 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5743 |
Pam |
No. |
| 38342 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5743 |
Jim |
No. We took a walk. |
| 38343 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5743 |
Pam |
We took a walk. |
| 38344 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5744 |
Dwight |
My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago. |
| 38345 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5745 |
Ryan |
Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. |
| 38346 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5746 |
Kelly |
Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me... |
| 38347 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5747 |
Kevin |
Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with. |
| 38348 |
7 |
16 |
PDA |
5748 |
Michael |
What are our plans for tonight? Umm... |
| 38349 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5749 |
Michael |
Leave it at reception. |
| 38350 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5749 |
Delivery |
I'm supposed to deliver this one in person. |
| 38351 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5749 |
Michael |
Clean up on aisle five. : Midnight titlescreen appears] |
| 38352 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5750 |
Michael |
After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight. |
| 38353 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5751 |
Michael |
Erin... what are you doing? |
| 38354 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5751 |
Erin |
Guys! Guys. Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, and that he maybe will let us watch it, but only if everybody's dying to see it. |
| 38355 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5751 |
Michael |
That's... That's. Well, don't put words in my mouth. |
| 38356 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5752 |
Jim |
Threat Level: Midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott. |
| 38357 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5752 |
Pam |
We're all in it, from like years and years ago. It's like a home movie. |
| 38358 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5752 |
Jim |
Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie! |
| 38359 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5752 |
Pam |
Michael screened a work in progress for us, years ago, and it didn't go well. We thought it was a comedy. Everything pointed to it being a comedy. |
| 38360 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5753 |
Pam |
We'd love to see it! |
| 38361 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5753 |
Michael |
Sweet, I will go invite Holly. |
| 38362 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5753 |
Pam |
Okay everyone, I know we're really excited to see this movie that everybody's in, but we have to remember that Michael is sensitive, so let's stay positive! And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy and we'll have a pure fun day! Okay? |
| 38363 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5753 |
Creed |
Thanks mom. |
| 38364 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5754 |
Holly |
You never told me you made a movie. |
| 38365 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5754 |
Michael |
Mhmm! It's got action, it's got heart, it's got some bosom. |
| 38366 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5754 |
Holly |
It's got you. |
| 38367 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5754 |
Michael |
It's got a lot of me. |
| 38368 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5754 |
Holly |
I can't wait. |
| 38369 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5755 |
Michael |
Ladies and gentleman, Threat Level: Midnight. |
| 38370 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5756 |
Samuel |
Master Scarn. |
| 38371 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5757 |
Dwight |
I play Samuel, Michael Scarn's robot butler. I wanted Samuel's voice- to be like this! But Michael thought that Samuel should be a very advance android, almost indistinguishable from a real person. |
| 38372 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5758 |
Michael |
Dwight does not play a robot. |
| 38373 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5759 |
Michael |
I'm up. |
| 38374 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5759 |
Samuel |
It's the president. He needs you for a mission. |
| 38375 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5759 |
Michael |
Tell him I'm retired. |
| 38376 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5759 |
Dwight |
It's Goldenface. |
| 38377 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5759 |
Michael |
Goldenface, this makes it personal. |
| 38378 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5760 |
Daryl |
I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it'd be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time. |
| 38379 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5761 |
Samuel |
We have to search the stadium. |
| 38380 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5761 |
President |
Not so fast, Goldenface has taken all the concession stand workers hostage. Scarn, will you find these hostages, and save the game? |
| 38381 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5761 |
Michael |
Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven. Heads. Tails. ...Heads...Tails...Heads...Tails. Well, it looks like there's going to be a clean-up on aisle five. |
| 38382 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5762 |
Goldenface |
Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care. Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good. |
| 38383 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5763 |
Jim |
I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless. |
| 38384 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5764 |
Michael |
I'm not here to learn how to mop, I'm here to learn how to play hockey. |
| 38385 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5764 |
Cherokee Jack |
Mop it. Now take this. |
| 38386 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5764 |
Michael |
What am I supposed to do with this? |
| 38387 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5764 |
Cherokee Jack |
Mop. |
| 38388 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Goldenface |
Die! |
| 38389 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Michael |
Nice try Goldenface, but you forgot one thing, to kill me. |
| 38390 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Goldenface |
I wasn't trying to kill you, I was trying to slow you down. |
| 38391 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Michael |
No! |
| 38392 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Goldenface |
Oh by the way! |
| 38393 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Michael |
Yeah? |
| 38394 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5765 |
Goldenface |
How's your wife doing? |
| 38395 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5766 |
Oscar |
Hey, you came in second. Not bad either. |
| 38396 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5766 |
Michael |
I am sorry that I have to do this... |
| 38397 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5766 |
Oscar |
Huh... |
| 38398 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5766 |
Michael |
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. |
| 38399 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5767 |
Michael |
Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest Jazz Club in town. |
| 38400 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5767 |
Samuel |
Oh- |
| 38401 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5768 |
Dwight |
He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned! What was the point of spilling the drink on me? |
| 38402 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5769 |
Jan |
He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great. Yeah that's good for him. |
| 38403 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5770 |
Jan |
The hostages are under the stadium. |
| 38404 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5770 |
Michael |
Jack Blaise. |
| 38405 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5771 |
Goldenface |
Ha! This is gonna show them that I mean business. See ya! |
| 38406 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5772 |
Michael |
By far and away, the most expensive shot in the movie. But, it was integral to the story. |
| 38407 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Kevin |
Michael Scarn! |
| 38408 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
Sorry about your friend, Scarn! |
| 38409 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Michael |
The joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist. |
| 38410 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Samuel |
We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? |
| 38411 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
Hm? |
| 38412 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Samuel |
We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? |
| 38413 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
Hm? |
| 38414 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Samuel |
We've searched the wh- ok... |
| 38415 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Michael |
He said, where is the bomb? |
| 38416 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
In the puck! |
| 38417 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Michael |
Why are you telling me this? |
| 38418 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
Because I'm going to kill you. Unless! You forgive me for murdering your wife. |
| 38419 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Michael |
Hey Goldenface. |
| 38420 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Goldenface |
Yeah? |
| 38421 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Michael |
Go puck yourself! |
| 38422 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5773 |
Samuel |
Noooo! |
| 38423 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5774 |
Michael |
That was not scripted. |
| 38424 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Helene |
You've already had four. |
| 38425 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Pam |
Looking at her mother on screen, horrified] Oh God... So good. |
| 38426 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Helene |
You're lucky to be alive. |
| 38427 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Michael |
It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back, and balls to kill Michael Scarn. |
| 38428 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Helene |
Let's just make sure that everything's... Working properly... |
| 38429 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5775 |
Michael, Samuel |
Yes. |
| 38430 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
President |
Is that where you hid the bomb Goldenface? |
| 38431 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Samuel |
But why would you blow up the stadium? You OWN the stadium! |
| 38432 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Michael |
For the insurance money! I knew it all along! You will never get away with this! |
| 38433 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Billy |
You don't looks so good, what's got ya down? |
| 38434 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Michael |
I got problems Billy. Big problems... |
| 38435 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Billy |
You got problems?! My TV don't work! I pay thirty bucks a month for the damn satellite what's-a-whosit, I can't even get the damn game! Now you tell me, what's worse than that? |
| 38436 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Michael |
Don't ever change Billy. Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL All Star Game tomorrow. |
| 38437 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Billy |
I see what you mean about problems. I know what'll cheer you up. That table of bachelorettes over there bought you this drink. |
| 38438 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Karen |
Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby? |
| 38439 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Karen |
Why are you singling my line out, like, a million years later? |
| 38440 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Billy |
I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. Hey kid! Hit G-9 on the Jukebox! |
| 38441 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Michael |
No Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died. |
| 38442 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Billy |
There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn. |
| 38443 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Michael |
Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in a major way. You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! |
| 38444 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5776 |
Todd Packer |
If doing The Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on Earth! |
| 38445 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Jim |
Sorry. |
| 38446 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. I think I was just relieved, to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back. |
| 38447 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Kelly |
Yeah Michael the movie is amazing! |
| 38448 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Kevin |
It's like one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. |
| 38449 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Ryan |
You should enter it in festivals! |
| 38450 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Kevin |
Or carnivals! |
| 38451 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Michael |
Well that's a... pretty good reaction. Pretty cool, right? Did you like it? Did you like that? |
| 38452 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Holly |
Uh... which part? |
| 38453 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Michael |
Okay. No, it's not good enough. It's not good enough... |
| 38454 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5777 |
Andy |
Some people are really popping on screen! |
| 38455 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Michael |
Hey. |
| 38456 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Holly |
Hey! Good movie. |
| 38457 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Michael |
Mmmm, good? Everybody out there says it's great! |
| 38458 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Holly |
I loved it. |
| 38459 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Michael |
Did you? What did you love about it? |
| 38460 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5778 |
Holly |
Uhm, I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. Isn't that great when you can all work together like that? |
| 38461 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
No, no. Holly, this isn't Ocean's Eleven, where you get together with all your friends and just have fun and don't care about how it turns out. What'd you really think, honestly. |
| 38462 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
Uhm... |
| 38463 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
Is it, is it because you're afraid of where this is gonna take me? See, because I need you... to keep me grounded. |
| 38464 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
Not worried about that. |
| 38465 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
It was eleven years, okay? This has been my dream for eleven years, and if you don't think it's great than you're basically saying that you don't believe in my dream. |
| 38466 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
Wha- It's your dream and you never even mentioned it before! |
| 38467 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
I talk about a lot of things, Holly! I was eventually gonna get around to my dream! Obviously! Eleven years I could've been working on the Scarn Nebulus. |
| 38468 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
Well why do you have to make a movie at all? |
| 38469 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
Because, if I don't have this, what do I have? I have nothing. |
| 38470 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
Really, you can't think of anything else that you might have? |
| 38471 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again dot-dot-dot. But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie. |
| 38472 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
I'm real. |
| 38473 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Michael |
Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass. And I'm gonna go watch the movie with people who think it's great! And I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I'm angry, and I love you. |
| 38474 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5779 |
Holly |
I love you too. |
| 38475 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5780 |
Michael |
I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz, but I'll tell you something. What I respect about that man, is that when he was going through all that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a rip-off of A Bug's Life, he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw which again was Antz. The thing is... I thought Bug's Life was better, much better. Than Ants. The point is, don't listen to your critics, listen to your fans. |
| 38476 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5781 |
Michael |
Who likes Threat Level: Midnight? Okay then who wants to watch the rest?! |
| 38477 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5782 |
Michael |
I know, it's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on! |
| 38478 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5782 |
Samuel |
Cherokee Jack? Michael he died. |
| 38479 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5782 |
Michael |
This one's for you Cherokee Jack. |
| 38480 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5783 |
Michael |
We filmed this during an actual Scranton High School Hockey Game, trying to qualify for states. |
| 38481 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5784 |
Jim |
That's fine, it's great! |
| 38482 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5784 |
Michael |
No, no! Actually it's really screwed up because they , they were trying to qualify, they were disqualified, they had to forfeit the game. Undefeated season. That's why there were so many people there. |
| 38483 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5785 |
Goldenface |
Why do you care? |
| 38484 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5785 |
Pam |
I'm just making conversation. |
| 38485 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5785 |
Goldenface |
I worked in a gold factory, we had a boss, who only cared about money... |
| 38486 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5786 |
Michael |
Hey... |
| 38487 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5786 |
Holly |
Hey, I'm sorry. It is good. |
| 38488 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5786 |
Michael |
No it's not. It's not. But, they really seem to be enjoying it. |
| 38489 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5787 |
Cherokee Jack |
I want you to take all of your frustrations, with women, the system, with everything. Take it out on the puck. All on the puck. |
| 38490 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5788 |
Michael |
Oh yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot. |
| 38491 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5789 |
President |
Michael, it's the president. |
| 38492 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5789 |
Michael |
Hello sir. |
| 38493 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5789 |
President |
I need you for another mission. |
| 38494 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5789 |
Michael |
Ugh... I'm in. |
| 38495 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5790 |
Andy |
Whoa Whoa Whoa! Isn't the president evil? |
| 38496 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5790 |
Michael |
Oh yeah! Yes he is! |
| 38497 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5790 |
Dwight |
No no, he's doing it to catch the president! |
| 38498 |
7 |
17 |
Threat Level Midnight |
5790 |
Michael |
No, no Dwight. He's just being stupid. |
| 38499 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5791 |
Dwight |
I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals. |
| 38500 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Kevin |
You're eating eight year old tomatoes? |
| 38501 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
They're still good for another week. |
| 38502 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Meredith |
You know, I think I have some type of cheese in the back of my fridge you might like. |
| 38503 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Kevin |
I've got some cheese you might like too. In between my toes. |
| 38504 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
Hardy har har. Okay picture this: Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A ravenous pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope left for you. The door to my shelter. You pound, you beg, Dwight! Please let me in! But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You wanna know why? |
| 38505 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Because of the sign, that says no pounding no begging. |
| 38506 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
No. Because you laughed at me. Kevin will be eaten! Pam will be taken slave! Jim will be made a warlord's gesture. Meredith will do ok. Be assured this day will come. It's just a matter of time. Could be one month, could be two months. |
| 38507 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Three months. |
| 38508 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
Could be. |
| 38509 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Four months. |
| 38510 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
I can see that happening, yes. |
| 38511 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Eight months? |
| 38512 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
That's a realistic time line. |
| 38513 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Eleven months. |
| 38514 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
Perhaps. |
| 38515 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Okay now really think hard about this one: One year. |
| 38516 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
I can see that as a very real possibility. |
| 38517 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Four hundred and ninety-four months? |
| 38518 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Dwight |
I can see that happening. |
| 38519 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5792 |
Jim |
Four hundred and ninety-FIVE months. That's just... |
| 38520 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5793 |
Todd Packer |
I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses. |
| 38521 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5793 |
Michael |
Still not seeing the problem here. |
| 38522 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5793 |
Todd Packer |
All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over! |
| 38523 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5794 |
Michael |
It was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. And now Packer wants to come home. And ohh, look who's here to sign off on it! My boo, Holly. |
| 38524 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
Hi! |
| 38525 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 38526 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
You must be Todd. |
| 38527 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Todd Packer |
Whoa! I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston! |
| 38528 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
Very funny. Okay let's get started. |
| 38529 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Todd Packer |
After you! |
| 38530 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Oh, Michael! This'll be just us. |
| 38531 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Oh, yes yes yes yes. Just so you know, he's at his funniest when you've given him five shots. |
| 38532 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
All right. |
| 38533 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
And it also helps if you've had five shots. |
| 38534 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
I already have. |
| 38535 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Whoa! |
| 38536 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Jim |
Why is Packer back? |
| 38537 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Is Packer here? |
| 38538 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Dwight |
Why's he talking to Holly? |
| 38539 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Don't know, don't care. |
| 38540 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
Michael loves you, and your sales speak for themselves. |
| 38541 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Todd Packer |
Oh! |
| 38542 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
Yes! The Pack is back! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have done it with him. Just kidding he wouldn't be interested in any of you. In all seriousness, Todd Packer, is a permanent salesman at this branch. And I would like to invite you to welcome him with open arms. |
| 38543 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 38544 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Jim |
What!? |
| 38545 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Todd Packer |
It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do! |
| 38546 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Kevin |
Nice! We got burned! |
| 38547 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Michael |
You did! You got burned, because Packer's back! Packer is turning in his car for a desk. He is turning in his condoms, for a condominium! Although he's probably going to have to use condoms from here on out. |
| 38548 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Dwight |
Holly, you approved this? |
| 38549 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
Yes I did, I think Todd's gonna make a great addition to the staff. |
| 38550 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Jim |
You did approve it? |
| 38551 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 38552 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5795 |
Kevin |
What don't you understand about the word approved? It seems some of you don't know what the word approved means. |
| 38553 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5796 |
Kevin |
I have very little patience for stupidity. |
| 38554 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5797 |
Erin |
Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower. |
| 38555 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5797 |
Gabe |
I'm such a klutz! |
| 38556 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5797 |
Erin |
Yeah, it took the fire department forever to get there. Oh my God, where did this come from?! Who did this?! |
| 38557 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5798 |
Pam |
I got Erin a new computer, because the one at reception sucked. I should know. And I don't wanna say the other one was old, but its I.P. number is one! Right? |
| 38558 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Erin |
Thank you Pam. |
| 38559 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Pam |
Awwh, you're welcome. My pleasure. |
| 38560 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Jim |
Can I do something for ya? |
| 38561 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Pam |
I just helped someone out. It feels good. |
| 38562 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Jim |
Nice. You know, I cleaned our daughter for like, an hour at four a.m. this morning, so... |
| 38563 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5799 |
Pam |
So you know the feeling. |
| 38564 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
Special delivery for Dwight K. Schrute. |
| 38565 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Dwight |
I didn't order anything. |
| 38566 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
And I don't have anything for you. But I do wanna talk to you about something. We have been thinking about where Packer should sit... And we can't just sit around and wait for Creed to die. |
| 38567 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Dwight |
Well there's a lot of seats in the annex. |
| 38568 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
So you wouldn't mind permanently relocating, so that Packer can take this desk here. |
| 38569 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Todd Packer |
Thanks man, it'd mean a lot. |
| 38570 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Dwight |
I have been sitting here for ten years, Michael. |
| 38571 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Todd Packer |
well I was there for twelve years. Plus my name's carved under the desk. |
| 38572 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Dwight |
No it is not. |
| 38573 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Todd Packer |
Is too! |
| 38574 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
Let's look at this. |
| 38575 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Todd Packer |
Check it out! |
| 38576 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Dwight |
I don't wanna move desks! |
| 38577 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
Don't be a baby! Okay! There it is. Packer was here and so was your mom! |
| 38578 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Jim |
Do I have any say in this?! |
| 38579 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Michael |
No! |
| 38580 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5800 |
Todd Packer |
Don't even watch, Halpert! |
| 38581 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Dwight |
Hey, who's dirt box is this? |
| 38582 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Oh, that's our Zen garden. |
| 38583 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Dwight |
What do you grow in here, bullcrap? |
| 38584 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Pam |
Hey, um... |
| 38585 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Hey, what's up guys? |
| 38586 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Meredith |
Don't what's up us! You think you're so cute, with your pretty blonde hair! |
| 38587 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Jim |
Whoa, pull it back. Uhm, why did you hire Todd Packer? |
| 38588 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Uhm. |
| 38589 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Pam |
He's seriously awful! |
| 38590 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Michael's recommendation was glowing! And, honestly, he's been nothing but nice to me! |
| 38591 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Meredith |
That's how he gets you to take off his panties. |
| 38592 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Jim |
Why are you nodding? |
| 38593 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Pam |
United front... |
| 38594 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Okay, look. We can't fire someone because we don't like him. |
| 38595 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Ryan |
Right this isn't the U.S. Government. |
| 38596 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Kelly |
What are you referencing? |
| 38597 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Ryan |
Everything... Everything. |
| 38598 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Do any of you have any concrete complaints about something he's done? |
| 38599 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Jim |
Well, I mean he humped Michael. |
| 38600 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5801 |
Holly |
Well if that's the case, I guess I've gotta be fired too. |
| 38601 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
Hey! Hey you guys! The Armeth Regado video is up, gather around! Check it out! This guy's on a full beam reach. They're hiking out like mad! Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up! Nice job! Ughh. This computer's a hunk of jjunk. |
| 38602 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Erin |
Hey sailor! Come watch it over here! |
| 38603 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
Where did you get this?! |
| 38604 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Erin |
Pam gave it to me! |
| 38605 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
This is a sick computer! Gwen Stefani has this computer! Uhhh, Pamela! What does a guy have to do to get, ahem, one of them? |
| 38606 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Pam |
You have a computer Andy. |
| 38607 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
Yeah, but if you donated my computer to Africa, it would become world famous as the slowest computer in Africa. So... |
| 38608 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Pam |
Ok, but listen. We just don't have the budget for it. Okay? Reception needed a computer so we got one. |
| 38609 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
Well Andy's desk needs a computer. And, I mean, it's just kinda a coincidence that I work there, but... |
| 38610 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Pam |
Yes, but Reception is a one person department. If I get you a new computer I have to get one for everyone in sales. For Dwight, for Stanley, it would be crazy. |
| 38611 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Stanley |
So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now? |
| 38612 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
I'm not asking for one, I need it. |
| 38613 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Phyllis |
If you're just handing them out, I want one too. |
| 38614 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
Phyllis, no body is handing anything out. |
| 38615 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Pam |
See, this is what I'm talking about. |
| 38616 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Andy |
What are you gonna play mange on faster? |
| 38617 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5802 |
Pam |
Sorry Andy. |
| 38618 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Todd Packer |
Hey what's going on you guys? Yeahh! Three muska-queers! |
| 38619 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Kevin |
Mean but good! |
| 38620 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Holly |
So, Todd, this must be nice for you getting off the road. You get to spend some time with your daughter. |
| 38621 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Todd Packer |
I don't know, I love her and all, but she turned into a bitch. Mostly she's great, but some days she acts like her mom. |
| 38622 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Holly |
Well, some girls go through a phase. |
| 38623 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Kevin |
Hey, your life is so insane! You should write a book! |
| 38624 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Todd Packer |
Since when did you learn how to read? |
| 38625 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Kevin |
I do know how to read though! |
| 38626 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Todd Packer |
Yeah. You know how to read... a menu! |
| 38627 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Kevin |
He's right. I mean, I could lose some weight. |
| 38628 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5803 |
Dwight |
Kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up and comer. |
| 38629 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
What the heck! Why do you have Erin's computer! |
| 38630 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
It's crazy, right? Erin just wanted me to have it, so we switched. |
| 38631 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
What? Erin is that true? |
| 38632 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Erin |
I just thought, he really needed a new computer, and he knew so much about that one. |
| 38633 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
Erin, it's not up to you. This computer was for reception! Okay? It's not yours to give away. |
| 38634 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
Pam, when I'm freaking out, I just sorta step back and- |
| 38635 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
I'm not freaking out, Andy. |
| 38636 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
#NAME? |
| 38637 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
Andy, why should she have your crappy computer? |
| 38638 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
That's interesting. So you also think my computer is crappy. |
| 38639 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
Switch the computers back Andy. |
| 38640 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
Seriously? |
| 38641 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
Seriously. |
| 38642 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
Pam! Come on! |
| 38643 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Pam |
Now please. |
| 38644 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Andy |
Fine! Please make sure no one is humping me! |
| 38645 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Erin |
Oh! If you're going back to the annex, could you take these to Dwight? I think the ants are waking up. They need to start farming soon. Thanks. |
| 38646 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Best day ever. Best day ever! |
| 38647 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
So much happening. |
| 38648 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Question, should I get stripes shaved on the side of my head? |
| 38649 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
No! No. |
| 38650 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Please. |
| 38651 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
Did Todd tell you to do that? |
| 38652 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Yeah, You love him right? You love him. I can tell. |
| 38653 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
I love you. |
| 38654 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
No. Not me, him. |
| 38655 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
That's certainly opinionated. |
| 38656 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Erin |
If you're not gonna take the ants over I should probably just do it myself. |
| 38657 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
Oh I'm going. |
| 38658 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Whoa! Look, are you jealous of him? Because you think he's funnier than you? Oh honey... |
| 38659 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
I don't think he's funnier than me. |
| 38660 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
He's funnier than me. |
| 38661 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
No, he's not funny at all. |
| 38662 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
So I'm less funny than not funny at all? |
| 38663 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Erin |
Gee! Uh oh! I think the ants are starting to eat each other! |
| 38664 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
No, what I'm saying is, he's not funny, but you're funnier than he is. |
| 38665 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
Uhm... |
| 38666 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
Ok: Bill Cosby , Steve Martin, Charlie Bit My Finger, Michael Scott, then all the way down here Todd Packer. |
| 38667 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Michael |
That's insane! |
| 38668 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Holly |
Honey, he's a jerk. |
| 38669 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5804 |
Erin |
For Pete's sake it just needs to be done! |
| 38670 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Todd Packer |
So you two are married to each other now, right? |
| 38671 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 38672 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Todd Packer |
That's sweet. How's the s*x? |
| 38673 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Dwight |
Hey Packer, I made you some hot chocolate. |
| 38674 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Todd Packer |
Why? |
| 38675 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Dwight |
'Cause I wanna let bygones be bygones. Show you I'm cool. You're the new guy. It's cold out. I made too much. I got this awesome hot chocolate recipe from my wife. |
| 38676 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Jim |
That's a lot of reasons! |
| 38677 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Dwight |
Drink it! |
| 38678 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Todd Packer |
I think I'll pass. The only hot chocolate I'm into is Viva A Fox. |
| 38679 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5805 |
Jim |
Can I talk to you a second? |
| 38680 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
So, this hot chocolate thing. |
| 38681 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
None of your business. |
| 38682 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
Well, you know you can't actually poison him. |
| 38683 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
It wasn't poison Jim, it was a laxative. People take laxatives all the time. This is just, a lot more of a laxative. Let me handle this. |
| 38684 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
I really think we should join forces on this one. |
| 38685 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Really. |
| 38686 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
What do we think, what would drive him crazy. |
| 38687 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
I know. |
| 38688 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
Here we go. |
| 38689 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Pepto-Bismol, in his hot chocolate. |
| 38690 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
You've gotta stop with the hot chocolate stuff. I was thinking we can jam his drawers, so they only comes out two inches, then he can see everything in them but he can't get to them. |
| 38691 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Ooh does Edgar Allan Poe know about that one? So sinister! That wouldn't annoy a person at all! Where do you come up with this stuff? |
| 38692 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
Okay! Well this isn't my best, but call Froggy101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets, we give him a number to call for the tickets, and it's his own number. |
| 38693 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Who is Justice Beaver? |
| 38694 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
He... It's a crime fighting beaver. |
| 38695 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Why don't you write up your best forty ideas and e-mail them to me. Can you do that? |
| 38696 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Jim |
Absolutely, I'll e-mail you a hundred. |
| 38697 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5806 |
Dwight |
Yeah, write up your list of one hundred, edit it down to your top forty, then e-mail it to me, and I'll read it over. |
| 38698 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
Pam. Can I talk to you in private? |
| 38699 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
I don't know if there's really a private place in this office. |
| 38700 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
Well they put a sign-up sheet on the conference room and I signed us up for three mods. A mod is five minutes. And it started two minutes ago. |
| 38701 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
You did that? |
| 38702 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
Can we talk about this in the meeting? Because we're a little late. |
| 38703 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
Okay. When did people sign- |
| 38704 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
Mind if I close the door? What you did out there, earlier, was totally un-cool. |
| 38705 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
Well what was I supposed to do, let you walk all over me? |
| 38706 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
You humiliated me in front of every body! |
| 38707 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
Okay, well I didn't think about it like that. It's just, I can't do anything about it. I can't replace that one unless that computer breaks. |
| 38708 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
I mean, it's pretty broken already. |
| 38709 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Pam |
Yeah, well if it breaks all the way I can get you a new one. |
| 38710 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Andy |
Pretty sneaky sis. |
| 38711 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5807 |
Ryan |
Hey cats, we got a jazz session in mod six, nine, and twelve. |
| 38712 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5808 |
Dwight |
There are over four hundred of these! |
| 38713 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5808 |
Jim |
Yeah I couldn't cut it down. |
| 38714 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5808 |
Dwight |
They're all good. So good! Number three: eat a frog. That sounds promising. Number four: eat a dog. I don't know, um, from practical stand point- |
| 38715 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5808 |
Jim |
One thirty-five. Did you like one thirty-five? |
| 38716 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5808 |
Dwight |
Eat a brog. Maybe it's because I didn't understand it. I just had a couple of notes, let me grab a pen. Damn it. Gah! Just when we were getting going. |
| 38717 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5809 |
Andy |
Allow all cookies? Why certainly! Pop-ups? Yes please! Bit torrent streaming from a Somalian music website? Yeah! Why not? Oh I hope you don't get sick Mr. Computer. Why are you doing this to me Andy? Because I hate your programs! |
| 38718 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
And a '76 that's good to boot, I like that. |
| 38719 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
And you made Hank smile, that doesn't happen often. You're very charming. That is something you should take upstairs, and use on people that really matter. |
| 38720 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
Why? |
| 38721 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
I don't know, Holly mentioned that there were some complaints. And that you had said some things about Kevin. |
| 38722 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
Holly said that? |
| 38723 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 38724 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Holly |
She was laughing hysterically that whole time! |
| 38725 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
I guess you said something weird about your daughter? |
| 38726 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
She asked me, Michael! It would've been rude not to answer. |
| 38727 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls. |
| 38728 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I've been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it's not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers. |
| 38729 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
No it isn't. |
| 38730 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
You're right. I gotta watch my behavior. |
| 38731 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
Yeah, a little bit. |
| 38732 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Todd Packer |
Don't give up on me. |
| 38733 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5810 |
Michael |
I won't. |
| 38734 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
Okay, every body. I need you to see this. Because maybe there is somebody here that you all underestimated, who will surprise you. Todd Packer, is going to apologize. Kevin! Front and center, come here. |
| 38735 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Kevin |
I got a lot of numbers here to put together. |
| 38736 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
Kevin, we know that you are just trying to save face, we know that you are hurt and embarrassed. |
| 38737 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Kevin |
That's silly. If anything, I should be apologizing to Packer. Because we all know I can dish it, as good as I can take it. |
| 38738 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
Okay, sweetie, no. You shouldn't be apologizing to Packer. That doesn't make any sense. You ready for this? You ready for this? Gentlemen, start your engines. |
| 38739 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Todd Packer |
I'm sorry if you were offended by my comments earlier. |
| 38740 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Kevin |
Well, like I said, I wasn't offended, but I'll stand here for the big show. |
| 38741 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
Kevin, do you accept the apology? |
| 38742 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Kelly |
Don't do it Kevin, that's the fake kind of apology. |
| 38743 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
Okay, go back to the annex. |
| 38744 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Kelly |
This is textbook. It's so uncool. Ryan does this to me all the time. Like it's some offense to have feelings. Don't do it Kevin. |
| 38745 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Ryan |
Sometimes you over react. |
| 38746 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Oscar |
Michael how's this supposed to work? Packer's gonna keep saying terrible things, and then he's just gonna make half-assed apologies. And we're back to square one. |
| 38747 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Todd Packer |
Okay. You want an apology? Here it goes. Kevin, I am so sorry. You are skinny, and you are a genius. |
| 38748 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
That-That was maybe too much. Packer is a survivor of divorce Stanley. Packer doesn't speak with his child, Meredith. Packer never lived up to his parent's expectations, Andy. Angela loves pussy cats, and Packer loves- |
| 38749 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Angela |
No! Don't! |
| 38750 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5811 |
Michael |
I was going to say dogs! Okay, you know what, this is over! Apology has been issued! And we're through with it. Packer will be here until the day he dies, just like the rest of us! |
| 38751 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Pam |
So listen, we have to really scuff this up. |
| 38752 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Andy |
No no no no no! We can say that the previous owner was a neat-freak. Or an elegant old lady and she just kept it around in case her grand-kids came to visit, but they died and they never came, I think I'm gonna make myself cry. |
| 38753 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Pam |
Andy, this is the deal we made. |
| 38754 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Andy |
That's probably good. That's enough. |
| 38755 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Pam |
We should break this hinge maybe. |
| 38756 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5812 |
Andy |
Let's not go crazy. |
| 38757 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Todd Packer |
Well thanks, will do. |
| 38758 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Jim |
Absolutely, now when you get down there, Jo's a little bit, uh, forgetful. So she may have locked the gate, but what you're gonna do is go ahead, hop it, and just head back to the pool. |
| 38759 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Todd Packer |
That sounds weird. |
| 38760 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Jim |
It is weird! Look at you, perceptive. Now I know why Jo's kept her eye on you! |
| 38761 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Dwight |
And you make sure to get down there and check out that Harry Potter World. |
| 38762 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Jim |
Whatever you wanna do in your spare time is up to you! |
| 38763 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5813 |
Dwight |
Harry Potter World is supposed to be faaantastic! |
| 38764 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5814 |
Todd Packer |
Apparently, as soon as corporate found out I wanted to come in off the road, Jo offered me a cushy new job in Tallahassee. And here's the best part. I'm a huge alligator nerd. I can name you every genus, every sub species. Also I'm a huge boob nerd. |
| 38765 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Dwight |
Check it out and have a free butterbeer on us. Keep the receipt and we'll get ya' back! |
| 38766 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Michael |
What are you doing? |
| 38767 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Jim |
All right, so just pack your bags and, uh, be sure to bring those swimming trunks! Bye now! |
| 38768 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Michael |
I cannot believe this, you're sending Packer to Florida? Why? |
| 38769 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Jim |
He's a jerk. |
| 38770 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Dwight |
He took my desk. |
| 38771 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Michael |
Okay, so you're tricking him into flying to Florida? |
| 38772 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Dwight |
It wasn't my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas. |
| 38773 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Michael |
You have to tell him. You have to tell him what you did. |
| 38774 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. That is not part of the plan. That is actually anti-what we're doing. |
| 38775 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Michael |
He is my oldest friend, I am going to tell him. |
| 38776 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5815 |
Jim |
Wait! Why don't we come up with a plan we're all happy about? |
| 38777 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5816 |
Andy |
Pam, how is this thing even any better than my old computer? |
| 38778 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5816 |
Pam |
Come on Andy! I mean you said you wanted a new computer and this is the best I could do! |
| 38779 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5816 |
Andy |
Where'd you even find this thing, like, in the corner in the warehouse? |
| 38780 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5816 |
Pam |
Yes, I found it in a shelf in the corner of the warehouse. |
| 38781 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5816 |
Andy |
All right, well thank you for my garbage computer. |
| 38782 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
You're looking at the new face of corporate. Gonna put the "ass", in Tallahassee! |
| 38783 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
Yes, about that. |
| 38784 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight! |
| 38785 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
Well... I don't know if that's a good idea. |
| 38786 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
Do you have a ball and chain? |
| 38787 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
No, nothing like that at all. |
| 38788 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something that none of these people have the stones to tell you. It's your girlfriend, man. She's uptight. |
| 38789 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
Sorry? |
| 38790 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
I know this stuff can hurt, but I wish someone had said something to me about my ex-wife. All I'm saying is about a month or so, meet me down in Florida, I'll introduce you to all the local talent. |
| 38791 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
Sounds great. |
| 38792 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Todd Packer |
It's gonna be so good. |
| 38793 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5817 |
Michael |
That is. It's gonna be awesome. I think you're really going to enjoy it down there. |
| 38794 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Holly |
I'm sorry about your friend. |
| 38795 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Michael |
Nah, he's an ass. |
| 38796 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Holly |
You ahh. |
| 38797 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Michael |
You ahh. |
| 38798 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Holly |
What ah you wicked smaht? |
| 38799 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Michael |
No you ahh. |
| 38800 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Holly |
Who ahh? |
| 38801 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5818 |
Michael |
You ahh. |
| 38802 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Daryl |
So this new computer you found in the warehouse. |
| 38803 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Pam |
Yep. Lucked out. |
| 38804 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Daryl |
Yeah, you really did. 'Cause I know every INCH of that warehouse. |
| 38805 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Pam |
Yep, super lucky. |
| 38806 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Daryl |
Maybe you could go back down there and see if you can find me some extra sick days. |
| 38807 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Pam |
Yeah. You know what , I think I saw ONE sick day down there. |
| 38808 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Daryl |
Really? 'Cause I think maybe I saw five. |
| 38809 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5819 |
Pam |
Three. |
| 38810 |
7 |
18 |
Todd Packer |
5820 |
Pam |
I'm full on corrupt! |
| 38811 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5821 |
Pam |
Hey Oscar, big Will and Grace fan huh? |
| 38812 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5821 |
Oscar |
No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts. |
| 38813 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5821 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 38814 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5822 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin is having our first own garage sale. Like many Americans, we realized we had a lot of things that we really didn't need. And 10 cents of every dollar is going into the party fund so we can throw parties for ourselves. |
| 38815 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
People! Look alive. It's showtime. Doors open in 3...2...1. |
| 38816 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Jim |
Oh, yikes. |
| 38817 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Pam |
It's cold Dwight. Just shut the door and let people come in the front. |
| 38818 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
It's good that its cold it will drive business inside. |
| 38819 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Pam |
The signs will drive people inside. |
| 38820 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
The warmth will lure people inside. |
| 38821 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Andy |
Close it. |
| 38822 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
This is how business... |
| 38823 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Andy |
Close it. |
| 38824 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
I'm not closing the door. |
| 38825 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Andy |
Close it. |
| 38826 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Dwight |
Stop it. |
| 38827 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5823 |
Andy |
Just close it. |
| 38828 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5824 |
Dwight |
Uh oh, looks like someone's sign is a little crooked. Uh, looks awful. Need a thumb tack? |
| 38829 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5824 |
Meredith |
Sure. |
| 38830 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5824 |
Dwight |
Not so fast. |
| 38831 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5825 |
Dwight |
Schrute's are farmers by hobby, and traders by trade. Through the art of the swap, I will walk out of this garage sale with the finest item here. |
| 38832 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5826 |
Dwight |
I will trade you for the used candle. |
| 38833 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5826 |
Meredith |
Forget you. |
| 38834 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5826 |
Dwight |
Come on, its trash, like your sign, unless you have this. |
| 38835 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5826 |
Meredith |
Fine, just give it. |
| 38836 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5826 |
Dwight |
That's how it's done. |
| 38837 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Kevin |
Woah, I love her. How much for that? |
| 38838 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
I uh... I actually don't know why I brought that because It's kind of priceless. |
| 38839 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
10 dollars. |
| 38840 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
Mhmm, no I paid 500 dollars for that. |
| 38841 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Kevin |
200 |
| 38842 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
500 |
| 38843 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
20 |
| 38844 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Kevin |
45 |
| 38845 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
Get lost. |
| 38846 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Kevin |
Damn it. |
| 38847 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
That is how you do it. |
| 38848 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
You know we don't have to sell that if you don't want to. If it's a problem with the neon I can have my neon guy take a look. |
| 38849 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
You know it's really more for a bachelor pad. I just want to get a fair price. |
| 38850 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
Well we could put it in storage... in case. |
| 38851 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
In case... in case of what? |
| 38852 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
You know... in case if something changes. |
| 38853 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
I don't have an in case. Do you have an in case? |
| 38854 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Holly |
Nope. |
| 38855 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Lady |
How much for the slip and slide? |
| 38856 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5827 |
Michael |
Get lost. |
| 38857 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5828 |
Michael |
Yes, hello Mr. Flax this is Michael Scott, your daughter's boss. I am calling because I am going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she is such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm actually calling because I'm in love with her. I love your daughter, and I have for some time. And I would like to discuss my intentions with you... which are to ask her to marry me. And I was just hoping you would give me your approval. And this isn't a joke. So call me back, when you get this. And I look forward to speaking. Thank you. |
| 38858 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Kelly |
Are you serious? A half used candle? Get out of here Dwight. You're blocking my table with your giant body. |
| 38859 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Dwight |
Oh, cause there's a huge line of people waiting in line who want your spinster chotskies. |
| 38860 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Kelly |
Screw you man. People like my stuff. |
| 38861 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Dwight |
People like Ryan? Let me tell you about men like him. He comes over and you're like 'Hey baby let me light a candle' then you pull out this one half used and he's like 'Uh! Who else is she seeing? I better lock her down fast.' |
| 38862 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Kelly |
You can take my Helen Fielding collection. |
| 38863 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5829 |
Dwight |
And the Jennifer Weiner collection. |
| 38864 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Andy |
Oh my gosh, you have the Dallas board game? |
| 38865 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Kevin |
Yea when I was a kid I was on Dallas. |
| 38866 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Andy |
Really? |
| 38867 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Kevin |
Yea. When I was kid we missed our connecting flight and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii... I was in heaven. |
| 38868 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Darryl |
We should play it. |
| 38869 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Andy |
Well... there's no instructions. |
| 38870 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Darryl |
It's Dallas the game, we can figure it out. |
| 38871 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Kevin |
Yea. |
| 38872 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Andy |
I'm pretty good at board games. |
| 38873 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Darryl |
Well, shall we make it a little interesting? |
| 38874 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5830 |
Andy |
Sure. |
| 38875 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Dwight |
What is this? |
| 38876 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Jim |
How did those get out? I'm sorry. |
| 38877 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Dwight |
Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes? |
| 38878 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Jim |
I was in Jamaica, and I got lost, and it was getting dark this one night and then out of nowhere with a cart and he's selling these. Dwight he's telling me things about myself that there's no way he could have known. |
| 38879 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Dwight |
That's a common swindlers trick. |
| 38880 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Jim |
Probably, probably. So I buy some, I turn the corner, I feel like an idiot, so I go back to get my money, he was gone. |
| 38881 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Dwight |
So you wanna sell me magic beans. |
| 38882 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Jim |
Correction. I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes. |
| 38883 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5831 |
Dwight |
Nice try. No. Correction. Terrible try. |
| 38884 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Michael called Dad? |
| 38885 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Mom |
Your friend Michael, yes. What's going on? |
| 38886 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Um, I think I know. But I'll sound stupid if I'm wrong but is Dad there? |
| 38887 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Dad |
Holly? |
| 38888 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Hi Dad. |
| 38889 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Dad |
There was a program on TV about India. |
| 38890 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Um, ok. Did you connect with Michael? |
| 38891 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Dad |
Wanna watch it? |
| 38892 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
I... I'm not there Dad, I'm in Pennsylvania. |
| 38893 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Dad |
What are you doing there? |
| 38894 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
I live here. Um, can I talk to you about Michael? |
| 38895 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Dad |
I'll, I'll put your mother on. |
| 38896 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
No. No... no Dad. |
| 38897 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Mom |
Holly? |
| 38898 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Mom, Dad can't seem to focus on a subject. |
| 38899 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Mom |
Don't you worry about him, he's got me. |
| 38900 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
Well who do you have? |
| 38901 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly's Mom |
I have your father. He's right here I'll put him on. |
| 38902 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5832 |
Holly |
No. Mom? |
| 38903 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Oh, which one is decaf? |
| 38904 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Michael! Michael! |
| 38905 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Hi. |
| 38906 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Hi.. I was just coming out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you. |
| 38907 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Oh, you know what, you have a siphon? I think I'm gonna run out of gas. |
| 38908 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Why do you need more gas? |
| 38909 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Well, I'm writing a message. |
| 38910 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Is it a good message or a bad message? |
| 38911 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
I'm asking Holly a question in fire. |
| 38912 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Are you proposing!? |
| 38913 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Maybe. |
| 38914 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 38915 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Hey you know what? I've got gas all over my hands and my shoes. Would you light it? Would you do the honors please? |
| 38916 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Yea. Yea no problem. |
| 38917 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Pam. |
| 38918 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 38919 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
Could you light this please? |
| 38920 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
Michael, you've had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible. |
| 38921 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
I am not in the mood for riddles pam. |
| 38922 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
This is terrible. |
| 38923 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Michael |
No, this is romantic. |
| 38924 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5833 |
Pam |
You know what? I'm gonna get a hose. Then we'll talk about it. Ok we'll figure it out. Be right back. Just stay there. |
| 38925 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5834 |
Ryan |
Free sample? |
| 38926 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5835 |
Ryan |
My mom makes the best pesto in the world. And I always tell her 'Mom you should sell this, you'd make a fortune' and she always says 'No it's just for family.' Well finally I was like f*** it, I'll sell it so I'm like 'Mom, I need you to make a ton of pesto for a pesto party for all my friends' and she's like 'uh, ok' ... pesto party? Really? Anyway... she makes like a hundred bottles worth. It's so good. And Phyllis... just had that mom look I wanted. |
| 38927 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5836 |
Dwight |
You got this kosher certified? |
| 38928 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5836 |
Ryan |
No I meant like uh, it's cool, its kosher, it's all good. |
| 38929 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5836 |
Dwight |
Ryan, you have such an interesting mind. So creative. All these new business ideas and artistic projects. |
| 38930 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5836 |
Ryan |
Thank you. Whatcha got there? |
| 38931 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5836 |
Dwight |
Oh, its just Stanley's old photo album. I'm thinking about throwing it in the garbage. I mean, why would I want some random black mans old photo album on my bookshelf. I'm not James Franco. |
| 38932 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5837 |
Dwight |
things are going very well. I traded a thumb tack for Meredith's junk for Kelly's crap for Phyllis' garbage for Oscars trash for Stanley's garbage for Ryan's junk for Creed's garbage for a very cute squid that Erin happened to have. |
| 38933 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5838 |
Dwight |
Jim, put those away. |
| 38934 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5838 |
Jim |
I'm really sorry. Pam must have put those out. |
| 38935 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5838 |
Dwight |
just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans? |
| 38936 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5838 |
Jim |
They're legumes Dwight, and you're just gonna make fun of me, so why would I... You know what, this ends now. |
| 38937 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5839 |
Pam |
Hey Michael everyone's in the conference room. |
| 38938 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5839 |
Michael |
Why? |
| 38939 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5839 |
Pam |
You called the meeting I don't.. |
| 38940 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5839 |
Michael |
I did? |
| 38941 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
Ok. Thank you all for coming. I would like to talk to you all today about... recycling. |
| 38942 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
Michael. |
| 38943 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
Yes. |
| 38944 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
We are a family. |
| 38945 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
I could not have agreed with you more. |
| 38946 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
And I've always believed that we should all be involved in everyone's personal lives, in a very major way. |
| 38947 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
Yes. Thank you. |
| 38948 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
So about this proposal thing... |
| 38949 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no. My minds made up I am not going to change my mind you can't talk me out of it. |
| 38950 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
Michael, she's perfect for you. |
| 38951 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Oscar |
She's the one. |
| 38952 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Jim |
She's amazing. This is very exciting. |
| 38953 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Pam |
So we just... we wanna help you plan the proposal so that it's safe and responsible and realistic and doable. |
| 38954 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Michael |
I had a great idea until you ruined it. |
| 38955 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5840 |
Oscar |
Wanna know how to do it? Here's how you do it. Take her out to dinner. Go down on one knee. If you are in costume, you did something wrong. If at any point you find yourself tying a ring to a dogs collar, stop, and look at yourself. |
| 38956 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
Hmm, I'm gonna play me a little ol' black mail card . |
| 38957 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 38958 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
And call a proxy meeting to take control of you and oil once and for all. |
| 38959 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Kevin |
No you cant do that. You cant play a black mail card and call a proxy meeting in the same turn. |
| 38960 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
Why not. Seems to me we're just making up rules cause somebody forgot to staple the rules to the inside of the game like a normal human being. |
| 38961 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Darryl |
And I'm gonna play this here share the wealth card. |
| 38962 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
Oooh. |
| 38963 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Darryl |
Which entitles me to half of both of y'alls money so if you don't mind. |
| 38964 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Kevin |
no this card is from the wrong game this is from the game of life. |
| 38965 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Darryl |
It was in the box. |
| 38966 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
Well played. |
| 38967 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 38968 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
We must honorably adhere to the rules we are making up on the spot. |
| 38969 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Kevin |
No but that's not fair. |
| 38970 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Andy |
Well that's Dallas. |
| 38971 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5841 |
Darryl |
Dallas indeed. |
| 38972 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5842 |
Oscar |
What... Ryan, where did you get this picture? |
| 38973 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5843 |
Ryan |
My mom also makes the best salsa. |
| 38974 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Holly |
This is your moms old stuff? |
| 38975 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Phyllis |
Yeah mostly. |
| 38976 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Holly |
How's she doing? |
| 38977 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Phyllis |
It didn't go down so easy but she's made some friends and it's already better than it was. |
| 38978 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Holly |
How do you know when its time? |
| 38979 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Phyllis |
Uh I don't know if you ever know. And if you wait for the day when your parent to comes to you and says 'I cant take care of myself anymore' its never gonna happen. I have a box of bras under the table if you're interested. |
| 38980 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5844 |
Holly |
Let me see. |
| 38981 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
Ok I think animals and proposals are out. Right Ryan didn't you read in one of your blogs that animals are out? |
| 38982 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Ryan |
Blogs are out but people are texting each other no more animals |
| 38983 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
How about this I throw a corpse dressed like me off of the roof, it hits the ground, the head pops off, this leads me to the line ' I lost my head when I fell in love with you.' |
| 38984 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
That's a guarantee. |
| 38985 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
It's easy enough to get a corpse, you just go to a med school. I already have the ring. |
| 38986 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
Don't think you need the corpse then. |
| 38987 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
Heres the ring. |
| 38988 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
Holy s*** is that real? |
| 38989 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
Yeah. I saved 3 years salary. |
| 38990 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 38991 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
Is she not going to like that? |
| 38992 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
No she's going to love it so I think you can keep the proposal simple. You know like when Jim proposed. He just he got down on one knee and he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him and it was perfect. |
| 38993 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Oscar |
Where was that. |
| 38994 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
At a gas station. |
| 38995 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
At a gas station? |
| 38996 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
Oh it was when she was working in New York so it was halfway between both of us. |
| 38997 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
That mush have been a surprise when... at the gas station you proposed. |
| 38998 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
No it was really it was really sweet. It was raining and.. |
| 38999 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
Oh yea you didn't say that the weather was bad that sounds perfect. I want this to be an event that everyone talks about always and forever. |
| 39000 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
Totally reasonable. |
| 39001 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
I just... it's terrifying. |
| 39002 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
She's not gonna say no. |
| 39003 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Michael |
I know but I'm still scared I don't know why. |
| 39004 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
Cause it's a big deal. I mean.. I knew Pam was gonna say yes but I was still scared. |
| 39005 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Pam |
You were scared? |
| 39006 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5845 |
Jim |
Yeah... it.s scary. |
| 39007 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Get this... Kevin thought I was gonna sell my Bowflex for 200 dollars and I told him 'Dude this was a prop in my movie.' |
| 39008 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
Look I need to talk to you. |
| 39009 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Ok it's because we haven't sold anything. You know what? We just wait until the end of the day, people get desperate, and they're gonna pay anything. |
| 39010 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
I think I need to go home to Colorado. My dad isn't doing so well. |
| 39011 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Oh ok. For how long? |
| 39012 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
I don't know. |
| 39013 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Is he alright? |
| 39014 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
Yeah. |
| 39015 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
You ok? |
| 39016 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
Yeah, yeah it's just you know I don't want to go home when he's on his death bed you know, I wanna be there when he's still my dad. |
| 39017 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Yeah, yeah well you definitely need to do that. |
| 39018 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
And I want you to come with me. Now I know that's a lot to ask of a boyfriend.. |
| 39019 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
Ok. |
| 39020 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Holly |
And I was thinking... you know maybe since given our last conversation that we're both ready... Michael Scott will you.. |
| 39021 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5846 |
Michael |
No, no, shhhhut it. Mhmm. Oh God. Nope, nope, nope. |
| 39022 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5847 |
Holly |
Uh, what? |
| 39023 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5848 |
Michael |
No. I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Mhm hm. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance. |
| 39024 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Kevin |
Hey guys it's my turn. |
| 39025 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Andy |
You cant go, you're dead, I shot you 5 moves ago. |
| 39026 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Kevin |
Yeah I told you, you can't shoot people. |
| 39027 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Darryl |
I told you we're way past rules. We have been for some time now. We start having rules now, everything we built collapses. |
| 39028 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Kevin |
This is stupid and I want my money back. Where's the money? |
| 39029 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Darryl |
Yeah where is it? |
| 39030 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5849 |
Kevin |
Ok you know what? I am never ever playing board games with you two again. |
| 39031 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5850 |
Kevin |
And that is Dallas. |
| 39032 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Ryan |
Nice. |
| 39033 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
Not bad right. |
| 39034 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Ryan |
Can't really tell the... |
| 39035 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
Nice. |
| 39036 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Dwight |
I know right... what the? |
| 39037 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
Oh my God. |
| 39038 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Dwight |
That... that's impossible. |
| 39039 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
It is right. I mean, it's impossible. |
| 39040 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Dwight |
All right, I'll take them. |
| 39041 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
They're probably worthless. |
| 39042 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Dwight |
Probably. |
| 39043 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5851 |
Jim |
Leave the telescope. |
| 39044 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5852 |
Dwight |
I started with a thumb tack and traded my way to a telescope. But in a way the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all. No, it was this... packet of beans. So I traded the telescope for it. And I can just go buy another telescope. |
| 39045 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Michael |
Hey, how'd we do? |
| 39046 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Holly |
13 dollars. |
| 39047 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Michael |
That's great and we still have most of our stuff. Good. |
| 39048 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Holly |
Listen about earlier ... |
| 39049 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Michael |
No, no, no, no, lets not talk about that. |
| 39050 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Holly |
It was wrong to put you in that position and... Michael you are my life now. I'm not going to Colorado. |
| 39051 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5853 |
Michael |
Shhhh. Let's go on a little walk. You know what? I wanna show you some stuff. |
| 39052 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5854 |
Michael |
So this is one of my favorite places in the world. |
| 39053 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5854 |
Holly |
Why? |
| 39054 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5854 |
Michael |
This is where Toby announced that he was going to Costa Rica. Happiest day of my life. Until the day you came to replace him. Let's go in here. |
| 39055 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5855 |
Michael |
This is where we first kissed. |
| 39056 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5855 |
Holly |
I remember. |
| 39057 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5855 |
Michael |
And this is where we first made love. Remember what I tried there? |
| 39058 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5855 |
Holly |
Michael.. |
| 39059 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5856 |
Michael |
Through these blinds is where I first saw you, and you had all these boxes, and I thought you were the prettiest mover I had ever seen. And I was sitting at this desk when I called you to tell you that I had herpes and that I was still in love with you and you said that it was over, and that you didn't love me. Thank goodness none of that was true. Including the herpes. |
| 39060 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5856 |
Holly |
Yes. |
| 39061 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5856 |
Michael |
In-grown hair. |
| 39062 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5857 |
Michael |
Right in here... this is where we first co-ran our meeting. Remember, obesity awareness? |
| 39063 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5857 |
Holly |
Mh hmm. |
| 39064 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5857 |
Michael |
We saved a lot of lives that day. That's where you first met Michael Klump. |
| 39065 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5857 |
Holly |
Oh, I say, I say, I say I sit on you! |
| 39066 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5857 |
Michael |
And right over there is where you found out that Meredith was prostituting herself for Outback steak. And I will never forget that you had the cutest look on your face because you couldn't believe it, you thought it was so wrong. |
| 39067 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5858 |
Michael |
And over here.. |
| 39068 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5858 |
Holly |
What happened here? |
| 39069 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5858 |
Michael |
Well, nothing. Nothing really. I would just find an excuse to come here so I could stare at you through that window. This is what I'd do. |
| 39070 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5858 |
Holly |
Nice |
| 39071 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5858 |
Michael |
Let's go in here. |
| 39072 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
Hi guys. |
| 39073 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
This is where our love faces its toughest test. After this, its just smooth sailing for the rest of our lives. |
| 39074 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Jim |
Holly, will you marry me? |
| 39075 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39076 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Stanley |
Marry me Holly. |
| 39077 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39078 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
That guy's got more than he can handle as it is. |
| 39079 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Oscar |
Will you marry me? |
| 39080 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39081 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
That marriage would be a sham. |
| 39082 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Gabe |
Will you marry me? |
| 39083 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39084 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
Easy no. |
| 39085 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Angela |
Will you marry me? |
| 39086 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39087 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
That would be hot. I would pay to see that. |
| 39088 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Ryan |
Will you marry me Holly? |
| 39089 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
No. |
| 39090 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
Only one that I was kind of worried about. |
| 39091 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
This is where I fell in love with you. And this is where I ask you to marry me. It started with.. Holly Flax, marrying me will you be? |
| 39092 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Holly |
Your wife becoming me will I. |
| 39093 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Kevin |
That's awesome! |
| 39094 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Pam |
Congratulations! |
| 39095 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Jim |
Congratulations! |
| 39096 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
Thank you. So guys, guys, guys. We're moving to Colorado. |
| 39097 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Kevin |
All of us? |
| 39098 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
Yep. |
| 39099 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Jim |
Wait, what? |
| 39100 |
7 |
19 |
Garage Sale |
5859 |
Michael |
Holly has to go back to Colorado. I'm going with her. I'm leaving. |
| 39101 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Kahlua Sombrero, please. |
| 39102 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Waiter |
All right, so just you tonight? |
| 39103 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years. |
| 39104 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week. |
| 39105 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Oh, really? |
| 39106 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
To begginings and endings. |
| 39107 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms. |
| 39108 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
The moms and the troops. |
| 39109 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday. |
| 39110 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
I won't... I don't know her. |
| 39111 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado. |
| 39112 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
Colorado! The sunshine state. |
| 39113 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Yep. Don't mess with Colorado. |
| 39114 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
Doing some skiing? |
| 39115 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo. |
| 39116 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead. |
| 39117 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
You know, I would like to try the luge, through. |
| 39118 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess. |
| 39119 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
That's what I've heard. |
| 39120 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
I'm an olympics nut. |
| 39121 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Michael |
Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter? |
| 39122 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo, Michael |
Summer! |
| 39123 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5860 |
Deangelo |
Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you... |
| 39124 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going. |
| 39125 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
Really? What happened? |
| 39126 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton? |
| 39127 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are. |
| 39128 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
That's the way it goes. |
| 39129 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. |
| 39130 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
Excuse me. Hello? You running late? |
| 39131 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar. |
| 39132 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
I'm at the bar too. |
| 39133 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
You are? What bar? |
| 39134 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel. |
| 39135 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
I... do not see you. |
| 39136 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
How long have you... |
| 39137 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour. |
| 39138 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
Ok, me too. |
| 39139 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo, Michael |
Sorry... |
| 39140 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
What're you wearing? |
| 39141 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
I am wearing a grey suit, red tie. |
| 39142 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
Are we both at the right place? |
| 39143 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
Which place? |
| 39144 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
I hear your voice. |
| 39145 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
I hear your voice, I see your lips moving. |
| 39146 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! Michael Scott. |
| 39147 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
Deangelo Vickers. |
| 39148 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Michael |
Wow... that is insane! |
| 39149 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5861 |
Deangelo |
That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend. |
| 39150 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5862 |
Michael |
Here we go! Are you ready? |
| 39151 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5862 |
Deangelo |
I am ready. |
| 39152 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5862 |
Michael |
Alright! Here we go! |
| 39153 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5863 |
Michael |
This is it. What do you think? |
| 39154 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5863 |
Deangelo |
Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine. |
| 39155 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5864 |
Deangelo |
I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune... |
| 39156 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5864 |
Deangelo |
Did that? Did that just happen?! We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious! |
| 39157 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5865 |
Oscar |
Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise. |
| 39158 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5866 |
Kevin |
Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! |
| 39159 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5867 |
Michael |
Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers! |
| 39160 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5867 |
Michael |
Come on out! |
| 39161 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5867 |
Deangelo |
Hello! How are you sir? |
| 39162 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5867 |
Michael |
I am well, sir, how are you? |
| 39163 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5867 |
Deangelo |
Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a- |
| 39164 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5868 |
Dwight |
Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me. |
| 39165 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Kelly |
I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know... |
| 39166 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Deangelo |
I'll help you. |
| 39167 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Kelly |
Oh, hi! |
| 39168 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Deangelo |
Hello! |
| 39169 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Kelly |
Have we met before? |
| 39170 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Deangelo |
No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before. |
| 39171 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5869 |
Kelly |
Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you. |
| 39172 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5870 |
Kelly |
And that is what you call a meet cute. |
| 39173 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Michael |
And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time! |
| 39174 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Darryl |
Kind of embarassing. |
| 39175 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Angela |
Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid. |
| 39176 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Michael |
I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy! |
| 39177 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Deangelo |
Oh. That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! |
| 39178 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Michael |
Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what... |
| 39179 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Andy |
That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself. |
| 39180 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5871 |
Deangelo |
Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around! |
| 39181 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5872 |
Andy |
I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted. |
| 39182 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Michael |
This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes. |
| 39183 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Pam |
Well, it wasn't an affair. |
| 39184 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Michael |
Yes it was. |
| 39185 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Pam |
But, no, but we are a family. |
| 39186 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Jim |
We made that. |
| 39187 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Pam |
Cecelia. |
| 39188 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Deangelo |
Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own. |
| 39189 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5873 |
Pam |
Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. |
| 39190 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5874 |
Pam |
Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss! |
| 39191 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5874 |
Jim |
Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies. |
| 39192 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Dwight |
Thanks for meeting me. |
| 39193 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Michael |
Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him. |
| 39194 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Dwight |
There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here. |
| 39195 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Michael |
You know me very well, Dwight. |
| 39196 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Dwight |
That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy. |
| 39197 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Michael |
Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day. |
| 39198 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5875 |
Dwight |
I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me. |
| 39199 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5876 |
Meredith |
That apple looks delic! |
| 39200 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5876 |
Deangelo |
I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. |
| 39201 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5876 |
Stanley |
Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. |
| 39202 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5876 |
Michael |
So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle! |
| 39203 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5876 |
Darryl |
It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions. |
| 39204 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5877 |
Darryl |
It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good. |
| 39205 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Darryl |
I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems. |
| 39206 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Deangelo |
Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen. |
| 39207 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Kevin |
Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them. |
| 39208 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Angela |
Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics? |
| 39209 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Deangelo |
I did not. |
| 39210 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Angela |
Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know. |
| 39211 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5878 |
Deangelo |
Sounds very interesting, thank you. |
| 39212 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you. |
| 39213 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
Why do you use your name when you use the phone? |
| 39214 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend. |
| 39215 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
Try it without using your name. |
| 39216 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it! |
| 39217 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you? |
| 39218 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
Oh, assist. |
| 39219 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Michael |
I sorta like the old way. |
| 39220 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point. |
| 39221 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Michael |
I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just- |
| 39222 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
And it really isn't. |
| 39223 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Michael |
Is that good? |
| 39224 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
Yeah, ok, good. |
| 39225 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
Well, I'd like to change it, actually. |
| 39226 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Michael |
Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work. |
| 39227 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
What do you think? |
| 39228 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Deangelo |
I think a change would be nice. |
| 39229 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Michael |
You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. |
| 39230 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Denagelo |
Change it. |
| 39231 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5879 |
Erin |
...I'm so sorry. Sorry. |
| 39232 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Deangelo |
Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you. |
| 39233 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Andy |
Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... |
| 39234 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Erin |
Deangelo, did you order a barber? |
| 39235 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Deangelo |
Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline. |
| 39236 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Darryl |
Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call? |
| 39237 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5880 |
Andy |
I... don't know. Help me. |
| 39238 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Ryan |
That is so badass. So hardcore. |
| 39239 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, real cool. Real power move. |
| 39240 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me. |
| 39241 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
Shave me. This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies! |
| 39242 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close. |
| 39243 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. |
| 39244 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it? |
| 39245 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice. |
| 39246 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Oscar |
You wanted to talk to us Deangelo? |
| 39247 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups. |
| 39248 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... god... we sorta do more of like powwows or- |
| 39249 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
Ok, then, powwows then, fine. |
| 39250 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
That's- |
| 39251 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Pam |
Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable. |
| 39252 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Jim |
Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'. |
| 39253 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Pam |
Da-das. |
| 39254 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Jim |
And what happens here is- |
| 39255 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry. |
| 39256 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Jim |
We were... I think she was just trying to- |
| 39257 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Deangelo |
No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better? |
| 39258 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something. |
| 39259 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Oscar |
Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent. |
| 39260 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about. |
| 39261 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Erin |
Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips. |
| 39262 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5881 |
Michael |
Don't shave my lips. |
| 39263 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5882 |
Deangelo |
What's up? |
| 39264 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5882 |
Andy |
I don't mean to go into a rant here, but... |
| 39265 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5883 |
Andy |
I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny. |
| 39266 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5884 |
Andy |
...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock. |
| 39267 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5884 |
Deangelo |
Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy. |
| 39268 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5884 |
Andy |
I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- |
| 39269 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5884 |
Deangelo |
Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much? |
| 39270 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5884 |
Andy |
Yeah, right, I mean- |
| 39271 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Deangelo |
Little click... |
| 39272 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Erin |
Deangelo, this box came for you. |
| 39273 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Deangelo |
Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this. |
| 39274 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Stanley |
Need a hand? |
| 39275 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Deangelo |
Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley! |
| 39276 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Michael |
You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here- |
| 39277 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Michael |
I still have to look at this stuff, guys. |
| 39278 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Darryl |
So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh? |
| 39279 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Deangelo |
Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid. |
| 39280 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5885 |
Kevin |
Interesting. |
| 39281 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5886 |
Michael |
Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy. |
| 39282 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5887 |
Darryl |
Cool, cool. Alright, see you later. |
| 39283 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5887 |
Darryl's sister |
Hey, hey, hey! |
| 39284 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5887 |
Darryl |
No, I'm good. Keep them. |
| 39285 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5888 |
Deangelo |
Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh? |
| 39286 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5888 |
Andy |
Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... |
| 39287 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5888 |
Deangelo |
Drink some soap! |
| 39288 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5889 |
Andy |
I guess this is my life now. |
| 39289 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Dwight |
How do I become a manger at Sabre? |
| 39290 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Gabe |
First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here. |
| 39291 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Dwight |
I left a message at corporate. |
| 39292 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Gabe |
Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening. |
| 39293 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Dwight |
Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file? |
| 39294 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Gabe |
What recommendation? |
| 39295 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Dwight |
From when he recommended me to replace him. |
| 39296 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5890 |
Gabe |
...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations. |
| 39297 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Best whale watching: easily the west coast. If you're going whale watching on the East Coast, you might wanna bring a magazine called "West Coast Whales'. Because you're not gonna see them- |
| 39298 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
Snack time! It's the witching hour! It's the sandwitching hour! |
| 39299 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Kevin |
Awesome! |
| 39300 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Phyllis |
Mmm, whatcha got? |
| 39301 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
PB and J, my mom's recipe! |
| 39302 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Angela |
Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy. |
| 39303 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts. |
| 39304 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Stanley |
What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? |
| 39305 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go! |
| 39306 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Oscar |
Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut? |
| 39307 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
What? |
| 39308 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itchy for three days, ok? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot. |
| 39309 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Jim |
Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything? |
| 39310 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable. |
| 39311 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
Oscar, here you go. |
| 39312 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
You're getting nut particles all in the air! |
| 39313 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
No one had a problem with the air here until you came around. |
| 39314 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now. |
| 39315 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
No, that's good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. No body go in there. Stay where you are. |
| 39316 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Oscar |
Michael, This is insane. |
| 39317 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
No, it's not insane, Oscar. I'm been here for 19 years, and just because someone else is called the boss, you're gonna throw it all away? No. |
| 39318 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Jim |
Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this. |
| 39319 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
Well, who needs him. Guess it's just you and me, Dwight. |
| 39320 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Dwight |
Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room. |
| 39321 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or...? |
| 39322 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you'll be fine. |
| 39323 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you're leaving. Bring it in, come on. Ok. |
| 39324 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
Ok. Why did you have to be so damn good? |
| 39325 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
I... I'm adequete. I'm half as good as you. |
| 39326 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it. |
| 39327 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Will you do me a favour and enjoy this time, ok? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time! |
| 39328 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working. |
| 39329 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Deangelo |
Ok. What is the Native American girl's name? |
| 39330 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5891 |
Michael |
You'll figure it out. |
| 39331 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5892 |
Jim |
Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece? |
| 39332 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5892 |
Deangelo |
That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute. |
| 39333 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5892 |
Jim |
Thank you very much. |
| 39334 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5893 |
Pam |
See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand. |
| 39335 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5893 |
Jim |
We're back in! Right? |
| 39336 |
7 |
20 |
Training Day |
5894 |
Deangelo |
I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.' |
| 39337 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5895 |
Michael |
It is six a.m. and we are about to go house to house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars! |
| 39338 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5895 |
DeAngelo |
Yes, and this happens every...? |
| 39339 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5895 |
Michael |
Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend. |
| 39340 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5895 |
DeAngelo |
Well, you know, why don't we try it, and if it goes good it'll be part of my tradition. |
| 39341 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5895 |
Michael |
Why do you always say that? You're gonna love it. |
| 39342 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Michael |
Alright let's go! This way, this way! |
| 39343 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
DeAngelo |
Thanks. |
| 39344 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Michael |
Surprise! |
| 39345 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
DeAngelo |
Congratulations! |
| 39346 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Jim |
Yep, okay... |
| 39347 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Michael |
You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie Awards! |
| 39348 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 39349 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Michael |
Here we go! Have Pam come down. |
| 39350 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Jim |
No she doesn't wa- She's not here. |
| 39351 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Pam |
What's going on? |
| 39352 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5896 |
Jim |
Stay in bed! |
| 39353 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5897 |
Michael |
Congratulations! |
| 39354 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5897 |
Stanley |
Have you lost your mind! Get off my property before I call the police! |
| 39355 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5897 |
Michael |
We got it. |
| 39356 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5897 |
DeAngelo |
Uh, leave it at the door or...? |
| 39357 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5897 |
Michael |
Yeah that's fine. |
| 39358 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5898 |
Michael |
Hey Toby! You suck! |
| 39359 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5898 |
DeAngelo |
Is this an employee of ours? |
| 39360 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5898 |
Michael |
Go go go go go go! |
| 39361 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Michael |
I've never seen this place in the daylight. |
| 39362 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
DeAngelo |
It reminds me of Katrina. |
| 39363 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Michael |
Here we go, alright got it? Set? Hello? |
| 39364 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Meredith |
I'm so busted! Walk of shame! |
| 39365 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
DeAngelo |
Do you usually leave your door unlocked? And ajar? |
| 39366 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Meredith |
Ahh, Nice! I got a Dundie nomination! |
| 39367 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Michael |
Yes you did. That's right! Congratulations Meredith. We should head out. |
| 39368 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Meredith |
No no no! You guys stay! No no no! I have Vienna Sausages and I have napkins. Let me fix you breakfast! |
| 39369 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
DeAngelo |
I'm not going in there. |
| 39370 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5899 |
Michael |
Go. |
| 39371 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5900 |
Michael |
Good morning Erin. |
| 39372 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5900 |
Erin |
Oh hey, didn't see you. |
| 39373 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5900 |
Michael |
You have big plans for tonight? |
| 39374 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5900 |
Erin |
I don't know, maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or... I don't know. Maybe I'm going to the Dundies!! |
| 39375 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5900 |
Michael |
You are getting so funny! Very good. |
| 39376 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5901 |
Michael |
The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in, and do his show, and, that way, Larry lives on. |
| 39377 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Michael |
Anything can happen at the Dundies! They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want all of us to have a good time! |
| 39378 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Dwight |
Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair. |
| 39379 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Michael |
Black tie optional. |
| 39380 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Dwight |
Every day is black tie optional! |
| 39381 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Michael |
A la, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies! |
| 39382 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Kevin |
Nice! |
| 39383 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Phyllis |
I love their breadsticks! |
| 39384 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Pam |
Oh, their breadsticks are like crack! |
| 39385 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Ryan |
I love when people say like crack when they've obviously never done crack. |
| 39386 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Pam |
Well the breadsticks are like what then, Ryan, what can I use? |
| 39387 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Ryan |
I don't know, something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking. |
| 39388 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Pam |
You're right, you're right. I'm a middle class broad. |
| 39389 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Michael |
Shh, shh! Okay, okay. Everybody's right. They're like breadsticks on steroids. Right? |
| 39390 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Ryan |
Yeah that's great. |
| 39391 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5902 |
Michael |
So as you know, the Dundies are my legacy. So I'm going to need to train a replacement. So this year, I have decided to have a co-host. And that person is DeAngelo! |
| 39392 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5903 |
Dwight |
Always the padawan, never the Jedi. |
| 39393 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
DeAngelo |
Thank you Michael, uh, but I will have to pass. |
| 39394 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
Michael |
Think of it as part of your training. |
| 39395 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
DeAngelo |
Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay... |
| 39396 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
Michael |
Okay, well we'll work on it. |
| 39397 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
DeAngelo |
Michael, I'm very, very bad. |
| 39398 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5904 |
Michael |
You are doing it. |
| 39399 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
Guys! I want you to help us work on some banter. |
| 39400 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Kevin |
Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter. |
| 39401 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
Here we go! So, DeAngelo! You and I have a lot in common. You lost two hundred pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning. |
| 39402 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a- |
| 39403 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
Okay, okay. You know what, I didn't actually lose my keys... |
| 39404 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
This did not happen. |
| 39405 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it's all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. Ryan how are you today? |
| 39406 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Ryan |
Why don't you ask my therapist, my mom certainly pays her enough. |
| 39407 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
There you go! Lovely! Regis and Kelly! Nice! Use that as an inspiration. Just be funny. |
| 39408 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
Uhhh, you sir! Are we having fun tonight? |
| 39409 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Jim |
Having a great time. |
| 39410 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
Oh good! |
| 39411 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Jim |
Thanks, yeah. |
| 39412 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
Where were you on September 11th? |
| 39413 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
No! God! |
| 39414 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
DeAngelo |
This is so weird! If I'm conducting a meeting, good to go. But if I think of it as a performance... I-I fall apart. Obviously. |
| 39415 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Andy |
Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies like you're just running a meeting. |
| 39416 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
No, no, no! This is the performance of your life! |
| 39417 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Jim |
Why don't you just, privately, in your own head, think of it like a meeting. |
| 39418 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
Jim, please no loopholes. |
| 39419 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Darryl |
Mike, why do you have to control how he perceives it in his mind? |
| 39420 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5905 |
Michael |
This is my last Dundies ever, if I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask? |
| 39421 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
Me mo. Me mo. |
| 39422 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
Michael |
Good. Good. Good! |
| 39423 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
Meee Mo, Mee! |
| 39424 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
Michael |
Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood. |
| 39425 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them. |
| 39426 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
Michael |
Too personal. I don't wanna hear about it. Let's try this. Put these on. I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can't- That's right, you're not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, and make it sound perfect. |
| 39427 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT! |
| 39428 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
Michael |
Say it with an accent! |
| 39429 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
THE DUNDIES! |
| 39430 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
Michael |
The Dundies! |
| 39431 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5906 |
DeAngelo |
THE DUNDIES! |
| 39432 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Jim |
I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me, and not just regular fries. |
| 39433 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Pam |
Yeah... Hey, Erin, everything okay? |
| 39434 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
Get away from the car, he's gonna see you. |
| 39435 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Jim |
Who's gonna see us? |
| 39436 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
Just get in! Get in! Just get in! |
| 39437 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Jim |
Get in the car? |
| 39438 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
Please! Sorry. Get in. Sorry sorry sorry. |
| 39439 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Pam |
What's wrong? |
| 39440 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
I eat lunch in the car now. It's my alone time. It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe. |
| 39441 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Pam |
Why don't you wanna eat lunch with your boyfriend? |
| 39442 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
I, really don't like spending time with him. |
| 39443 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Pam |
Don't you think it's better to tell him the truth now? You know, rather than waste more of his time? |
| 39444 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Jim |
I think I'm gonna go. |
| 39445 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Pam |
What? |
| 39446 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Jim |
I think you got this. Kay? Alright. Feel better! |
| 39447 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5907 |
Erin |
Thank you Jim. |
| 39448 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5908 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, that just wasn't interesting to me. |
| 39449 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5909 |
Erin |
I can't just dump him Pam, I'm not like you, I can't be mean. |
| 39450 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5909 |
Pam |
Wait, when am I...? You just have to be clear and firm. You know, just tell him you don't love him. Just be honest with him. |
| 39451 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Kevin |
Hi! |
| 39452 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Dwight |
Appalling. Eye sore. Surprisingly adequate! Okay everyone! The activities commence in four seconds! |
| 39453 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Erin |
DeAngelo, Jo's on the phone for you. |
| 39454 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Hello? |
| 39455 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Jo |
DeAngelo! We're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host! |
| 39456 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Oh no! |
| 39457 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Jo |
Luckily I have someone for you! |
| 39458 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Billy Crystal? |
| 39459 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Jo |
Better. |
| 39460 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Neil Patrick Harris? |
| 39461 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Jo |
He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. Now we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host on both sides of the Mississippi! |
| 39462 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Ughhh, I gotta find Michael Scott! And then I gotta, Get Him to the Dundies! |
| 39463 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Hey, can you help me find Michael Scott Angela? |
| 39464 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Angela |
My boyfriend can, he's a state senator. |
| 39465 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Mmhmm. |
| 39466 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Angela |
Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning! |
| 39467 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Oscar |
Try Jim DeAngelo, he'll be able to help. |
| 39468 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Jim! Do you know where I can find Michael Scott? |
| 39469 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Jim |
I totally don't know where Michael is, dude, hey you wanna listen to some records? |
| 39470 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
No one is listening to me! And I'm running out of time! |
| 39471 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Phyllis |
Well, what are you talking about? Ohh! Ohh! I've fallen and I can't get up! |
| 39472 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
DeAngelo |
Maybe I just need to look into my heart. DeAngelo, where is Michael Scott. |
| 39473 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5910 |
Michael |
I'm here. In a good way! I've been here the whole time. |
| 39474 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5911 |
Oscar |
The analytical part of me wants to examine it, but I know it has no content. |
| 39475 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5912 |
Dwight |
Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for you co-host this evening, Michael Gary Scott. Please remain standing for your other co-host, and new manager, DeAngelo Jeremitrius Vickers! Was that part of the...? |
| 39476 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
DeAngelo, what are you doing? There's a live audience out there! |
| 39477 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
Go do it by yourself, get Ryan. |
| 39478 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
No, Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It's sort of our perk! |
| 39479 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
This was not, part of the job description! |
| 39480 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
Listen to me, you're not doing this for me, you're not doing this for you, you're not even doing this for them! |
| 39481 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
Who am I doing this for? |
| 39482 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
You're doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid's menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It's showtime. Get out there. |
| 39483 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
I can't. |
| 39484 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
Say it. |
| 39485 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
Stop, hitting me. |
| 39486 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
You can do it, just say it. |
| 39487 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
DeAngelo |
Hit me again. |
| 39488 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
Now hit me. One, two, three. |
| 39489 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Together |
It's showtime. |
| 39490 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5913 |
Michael |
Alright, here we go. |
| 39491 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
Okay! Okay! Sorry about the delay everybody! But we were at the DMV waiting in line. |
| 39492 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
DeAngelo |
Fall asleep right after s*x. Huh guys? |
| 39493 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Jim |
Nope, go back to the script. |
| 39494 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
There are a lot of great salesmen in this office, but one of our great salesmen is also a great dad. And a close personal friend of mine, Jim Halpert! Best Dad Dundie! |
| 39495 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Jim |
Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you're watching this at home it's way past your bedtime, by the way how'd this get televised? |
| 39496 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
Well done. |
| 39497 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Jim |
I don't know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don't know, I don't know. Thank you! |
| 39498 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 39499 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Pam |
You didn't think to mention me huh? |
| 39500 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Jim |
Didn't I? |
| 39501 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office. Meredith Palmer! |
| 39502 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Meredith |
Tell ya one thing, I'm not gonna be a good mom tonight! Whooo! |
| 39503 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, can I get a photo of the Best Mom and the Best Dad please? |
| 39504 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Jim |
I gotta go do this. |
| 39505 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Pam |
Why? |
| 39506 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Dwight |
Big smiles folks! There they are. |
| 39507 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5914 |
Michael |
Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, Danny Cordray! Danny couldn't be here tonight... |
| 39508 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5915 |
Ryan |
How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Uhm, I'm very relieved. How do you, how do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's, it's so subjective. |
| 39509 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5916 |
Michael |
Stanley Hudson is a grump, everybody knows that. But did you know, that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes. The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson! Come on up here you sick b*st*rd. |
| 39510 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5917 |
Phyllis |
I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it. |
| 39511 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
DeAngelo |
They say he's going to be my right hand man, adlib masturbation joke. No, I hate this, I hate it so much. Dwight Schrute! Please accept this promising Assistant Manager Dundie. Thank you, thank you so much. I would like to thank something that we, uh, take for granted in our daily lives. And that is the humble trashcan. This is for you trashcan! |
| 39512 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Manager |
Who gave you those crayons? |
| 39513 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Kevin |
I brought them from home! Do you have a red? |
| 39514 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Manager |
This is a cloth tablecloth! You can't color on it! |
| 39515 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Kevin |
Oh really? |
| 39516 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
You know, herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley, what do thay all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here and receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award! |
| 39517 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Meredith |
That is bull! |
| 39518 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Erin |
Thank you, thank you! This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. People are right about the Dundies, they are magical. But, I don't feel it. And I think that's because I'm not with the right person. Gabe, we should break up. |
| 39519 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Gabe |
What? |
| 39520 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Erin |
I'm not attracted to you. I just, I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right, right Pam? Thank you for hearing me. |
| 39521 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Gabe |
Well, this is embarrassing, um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. It's that quarter life crisis everyone's been talking about. Alright I'm gonna go. |
| 39522 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
There you go. |
| 39523 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Darryl |
Damn that was cold. |
| 39524 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you. But he is a good guy, so the Michael Scott Award for Best Dundies Host goes to DeAngelo Vickers. |
| 39525 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Audience |
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! |
| 39526 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
DeAngelo |
Hold on, hold on one second. I WANNA, I WANNA, I FEEL TRULY BLESSED! UHHH, TO BE WORKING WITH ALL OF YOU! BEFORE THIS ALL STARTED, FUNNY STORY, I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, VOMITTING, AND VOMITTING IN THE MEN'S ROOM! |
| 39527 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Manager |
Okay, okay. |
| 39528 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
DeAngelo |
THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN SHUT DOWN FOR MOST OF THE EVENING... |
| 39529 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
DeAngelo is expressing himself. |
| 39530 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
DeAngelo |
This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It's so much lighter! |
| 39531 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
Okay, we're done! That's it. |
| 39532 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
DeAngelo |
Michael, are we?! |
| 39533 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5918 |
Michael |
We're done. We're done! |
| 39534 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather Three. That rapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather One! That was, very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh well... |
| 39535 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Pam |
Michael, we were thinking maybe we could keep this thing going! |
| 39536 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
What? |
| 39537 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
DeAngelo |
I know I'm the cause of this royal screw up but I would like to see this show go on. |
| 39538 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
No, no. You're being too hard on yourself. We had a very truncated rehearsal time. |
| 39539 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Pam |
Let's grab some ice cream, go back to the office, and finish what we started. |
| 39540 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
So what you're saying is you kinda like it? I've fallen and I can't get up! That Phyllis bit, that was pretty good. |
| 39541 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Jim |
I don't know that we need to dissect it all now, but- |
| 39542 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
That got a big laugh. |
| 39543 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Jim |
That did. Pretty huge laugh. |
| 39544 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Michael |
You were laughing right? |
| 39545 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5919 |
Stanley |
I was. |
| 39546 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
DeAngelo |
You know what, I have to go to the bathroom. |
| 39547 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
We're really close. |
| 39548 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
DeAngelo |
I can just run over to the gas station. |
| 39549 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Dwight |
We should just wait here and not get good seats in the conference room? |
| 39550 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
That's true, we wouldn't get seats together. |
| 39551 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
DeAngelo |
Okay, fine I'll hold it. |
| 39552 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
You know, despite a couple hiccups, I think that went very well. |
| 39553 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Dwight |
I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to. |
| 39554 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
Man! Maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award. |
| 39555 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Dwight |
Gladly! I'd accept that award, because a bitch, is a female dog! |
| 39556 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
DeAngelo |
Please don't stop so suddenly, the seatbelt is pressing on my bladder. Why are you even wearing a seatbelt, you're sitting in the backseat, baby. |
| 39557 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
What is your problem?! |
| 39558 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Dwight |
I just don't see a point in the Dundies! Okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue is bad, the fashion is boring. |
| 39559 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
Okay! That, that is unfair! The clothing was safe, but tasteful. |
| 39560 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Dwight |
And next time, why don't you pick a co-host, that doesn't have microphone-a-phobia! |
| 39561 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
DeAngelo |
Look, what ever you're going to do, how long is it going to take? Ballpark. 'Cause I just, I gotta make a decision here. |
| 39562 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5920 |
Michael |
He is in an all-out sprint. |
| 39563 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Michael |
Here... Okay! By his own omission, this person actually tried marijuana in college, so the Doobie Doobie Pothead Stoner of the Year Award goes to, Andy Bernard! |
| 39564 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Andy |
A lot of people I'd like to thank, but I think we all actually wanna thank you Michael. |
| 39565 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 39566 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Andy |
I mean, we actually all really wanna thank you, for everything. |
| 39567 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Michael |
Oh my God, something's happening. |
| 39568 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Andy |
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math. |
| 39569 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
All |
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here. |
| 39570 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Pam |
In costumes! |
| 39571 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Jim |
And impressions! |
| 39572 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Toby |
In meetings. |
| 39573 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Erin, Kelly |
And cups of coffee. |
| 39574 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Kevin |
For birthdays! |
| 39575 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Stanley |
More meetings and- |
| 39576 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Women |
E-Mail forms you made us read. |
| 39577 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
All |
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times! |
| 39578 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Meredith |
You hit me with your car! |
| 39579 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Ryan |
You helped me get off drugs! |
| 39580 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Creed |
I watch you when you sleep. |
| 39581 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Oscar |
I forgive you for kissing me! |
| 39582 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
All |
Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call. |
| 39583 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
Kelly, Erin |
Call, text or e-mail, or call. |
| 39584 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
DeAngelo |
Measure your life in love! |
| 39585 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5921 |
All |
Remember to call, remember to, call. Remember to call. |
| 39586 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5922 |
Michael |
Yeah, okay. Well this is gonna hurt like a mother. |
| 39587 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
DeAngelo |
Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst, is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award. Oh that's so mean! |
| 39588 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Michael |
No it's not. |
| 39589 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Oscar |
It's his last Dundies. |
| 39590 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Jim |
You gotta play along man. |
| 39591 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Oscar |
Come on Toby. |
| 39592 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Michael |
Here he comes! Alright! You deserve it! |
| 39593 |
7 |
21 |
Michael's Last Dundies |
5923 |
Toby |
I really disagree with this. I think it's kind of hateful. Though I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case I was recently a juror on. The Scranton Strangler. That man's being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty any more. : Ohhhh yeah! Chica chicaaa] |
| 39594 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude. |
| 39595 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Michael? |
| 39596 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Yes? |
| 39597 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
I've got a treat for you! |
| 39598 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Ahh, thank you. Like a butler. |
| 39599 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters. |
| 39600 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Oh, these do not taste like oysters. |
| 39601 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! Hah! |
| 39602 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Sick freak! What is wrong with you? |
| 39603 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?! |
| 39604 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? The job was not mine to give. Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies. |
| 39605 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio? |
| 39606 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket... |
| 39607 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Great idea. |
| 39608 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
...in order to feed the bears. |
| 39609 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs! |
| 39610 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
How do you mean? |
| 39611 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? You're like a giant walking salami! |
| 39612 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni? |
| 39613 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Dwight |
Any kind of meat that you can possibly name! |
| 39614 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5924 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 39615 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
DeAngelo |
You're not gonna take all these toys are you? |
| 39616 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
Michael |
Hm? |
| 39617 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
DeAngelo |
I mean you don't have a job lined up, so it's not like you have a desk to put 'em on. |
| 39618 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
Michael |
Well I have interviews. |
| 39619 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
DeAngelo |
That's nice. How 'bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might... glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. You okay? |
| 39620 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure. |
| 39621 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
DeAngelo |
You know what? Uh, it's your last couple days, I'm gonna get out of your hair. |
| 39622 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
Michael |
Oh you don't, that's- |
| 39623 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
DeAngelo |
I will be in the break room. |
| 39624 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5925 |
Michael |
That sounds good. Thank you. |
| 39625 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5926 |
DeAngelo |
Dead man walking. |
| 39626 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5927 |
Michael |
Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck. |
| 39627 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Gabe |
Stay away from Erin! |
| 39628 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Andy |
Hey! |
| 39629 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Gabe |
I'm your boss! |
| 39630 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Andy |
Why don't you, uh, stay away from me? |
| 39631 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Gabe |
No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay? You don't wanna get on my bad side! I've seen some horrible things! I own over two hundred horror movies! |
| 39632 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Andy |
Okay! That's so weird! Just go away! |
| 39633 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Gabe |
No! You go away! |
| 39634 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5928 |
Andy |
Hi Tuna. |
| 39635 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5929 |
Jim |
So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now? |
| 39636 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Phyllis |
How about cupcakes? |
| 39637 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Angela |
Please. |
| 39638 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Pam |
What's wrong with cupcakes? |
| 39639 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Angela |
Everything. |
| 39640 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Michael |
There they are! Party Planning Committee together again! |
| 39641 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5930 |
Pam |
Well we all wanted to plan your goodbye party. We thought this would be easier. |
| 39642 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Pam |
We thought. |
| 39643 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Angela |
It's an experiment. |
| 39644 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Phyllis |
The three of us have all been chairmen before. |
| 39645 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Pam |
So this is the dream team. |
| 39646 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Meredith |
Hey! What are you saying?! |
| 39647 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5931 |
Angela |
The dream team... and Meredith. |
| 39648 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Meredith |
We decided on the ice cream. Mint chocolate chip, your favorite. |
| 39649 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
Mmm! |
| 39650 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Phyllis |
Yeah that was a surprise... |
| 39651 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla. |
| 39652 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 39653 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright? |
| 39654 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Pam |
Should we get toppings? |
| 39655 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
What do you like Pam? |
| 39656 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Pam |
What? |
| 39657 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
What kind of toppings would you like? |
| 39658 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Pam |
Hot fudge? |
| 39659 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5932 |
Michael |
Sounds good. Fudge it up! |
| 39660 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5933 |
Michael |
I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. I still need something to drink out of though. |
| 39661 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5934 |
Michael |
Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis. |
| 39662 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5934 |
Phyllis |
Please Michael. |
| 39663 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5934 |
Michael |
When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. And she still is. |
| 39664 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5935 |
Phyllis |
I thought he knew about the baby I gave away. |
| 39665 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Phyllis |
Look Michael, it's a going away present so your hands won't get cold. |
| 39666 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
Ahh. |
| 39667 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Phyllis |
It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool. |
| 39668 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind. |
| 39669 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Phyllis |
It's cute. |
| 39670 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. May you never lose the fun loving quality in life. |
| 39671 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Stanley |
Where's the rest of it, it's got no balls. |
| 39672 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts. |
| 39673 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Andy |
Wow. |
| 39674 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Stanley |
Yeah wow! |
| 39675 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Andy |
You know I'm the worst salesman here right? |
| 39676 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
But you're the best salesman, on the inside. |
| 39677 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Phyllis |
What does that even mean? |
| 39678 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted. |
| 39679 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Andy |
I'm gonna lose 'em. |
| 39680 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
You're not gonna lose them. |
| 39681 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Andy |
I promise you that I will. |
| 39682 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Michael |
Just do your best! I have faith in you. |
| 39683 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Stanley |
Gimme those clients! |
| 39684 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Andy |
No. |
| 39685 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5936 |
Phyllis |
Do you believe that?! |
| 39686 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5937 |
Dwight |
I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing. |
| 39687 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5938 |
DeAngelo |
I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm superman, but, let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it. |
| 39688 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
Kevin, I have something for you. |
| 39689 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Kevin |
Oh! |
| 39690 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
You know who that is? |
| 39691 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Kevin |
Oh... |
| 39692 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up? |
| 39693 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Kevin |
Better... |
| 39694 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
Good, stand up. You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore. |
| 39695 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Kevin |
But... |
| 39696 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
You will find love. |
| 39697 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Kevin |
Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now. |
| 39698 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are- |
| 39699 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Andy |
I just lost Porter Hardware! I just, I lost 'em! |
| 39700 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Michael |
Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this. |
| 39701 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5939 |
Oscar |
Thank you Michael. It's beautiful. |
| 39702 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5940 |
Michael |
It looks like a It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm! He just accepted, accepted that I put all this work into it! He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody! |
| 39703 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
Was it just me, or did you think that we were going to have s*x at some point? |
| 39704 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Angela |
It was just you... |
| 39705 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
How would you have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate. I am engaged happily, and you have landed yourself a Senator. |
| 39706 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Oscar |
State Senator. |
| 39707 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
Mmhmm, bravo! |
| 39708 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Oscar |
Brava! |
| 39709 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Angela |
You wanna see some pictures? I just got these. |
| 39710 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
Sure! |
| 39711 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Angela |
Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading. |
| 39712 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
Who's that? Who's that guy? |
| 39713 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Angela |
Oh, that's Thomas, Robert's aide. |
| 39714 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Michael |
I guess this could be the one, huh? |
| 39715 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5941 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 39716 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5942 |
Andy |
Hey. |
| 39717 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5942 |
DeAngelo |
Hey! |
| 39718 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5942 |
Andy |
I'm going to be dropping out on one of our biggest clients this afternoon and I could use some back up. |
| 39719 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5942 |
DeAngelo |
Let's rip it up homes. |
| 39720 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5943 |
Gabe |
Walk away bitch. |
| 39721 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Oscar |
Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent? |
| 39722 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Michael |
My last pay check? |
| 39723 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Oscar |
You have an address yet in Colorado? |
| 39724 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Michael |
No. |
| 39725 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Oscar |
What town do Holly's parents live in? |
| 39726 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Michael |
I'm not sure, um, Mountainton? |
| 39727 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5944 |
Kevin |
Sounds beautiful! |
| 39728 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Pam |
You should do more stuff like that. |
| 39729 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Kevin |
I'm going to! |
| 39730 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Jim |
Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us. |
| 39731 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Michael |
Nah, I'm almost done. |
| 39732 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Jim |
You sure? |
| 39733 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 39734 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Pam |
So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder. |
| 39735 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Kevin |
Finally! That old shredder sucked. |
| 39736 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Pam |
It's a good shredder, it just keeps breaking. |
| 39737 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Kevin |
Yeah, it won't shred magazines. |
| 39738 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Pam |
It's not supposed to shred magazines Kevin. |
| 39739 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Kevin |
I know... |
| 39740 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Jim |
Did you break the shredder Kevin? |
| 39741 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Kevin |
No, it's just... that old shredder sucks. Just get one that'll shred magazines. |
| 39742 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5945 |
Pam |
I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines. |
| 39743 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one, and I don't think my credits will transfer. Ugh, and you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote. I gotta call her, and I'm going to tell her, that I cannot come. |
| 39744 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
Hello there! |
| 39745 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
Hi. What is the name of our town? |
| 39746 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay? |
| 39747 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
No, no. I just needed to hear your voice. |
| 39748 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
Oh you mean this? |
| 39749 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
Yes. Yes my hero! |
| 39750 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
I'll pay the rent! Okay, my mom's looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It's a joke mom! |
| 39751 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
Ohh, I miss you. |
| 39752 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
Well I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up outside baggage claim. |
| 39753 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
Okay. I'll see you tonight. I love you. |
| 39754 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Holly |
I love you too. |
| 39755 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5946 |
Michael |
Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I'm, I'm gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. And I have said goodbye to half of them. |
| 39756 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Toby |
Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up. |
| 39757 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 39758 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Toby |
Okay. |
| 39759 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Michael |
Kelly! Kelly? Kelly. |
| 39760 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Kelly |
What?! |
| 39761 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Michael |
If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you? |
| 39762 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5947 |
Kelly |
Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice. |
| 39763 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Michael |
She was once my girl, and she is your girl now. |
| 39764 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Ryan |
Wow. |
| 39765 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Michael |
Yeah. |
| 39766 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Ryan |
This is... totally unnecessary. |
| 39767 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Michael |
You're not prone to seizures? |
| 39768 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5948 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 39769 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Pam |
So Michael said we can do whatever we want cake-wise. What do we want? |
| 39770 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Meredith |
Erotic. |
| 39771 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Angela |
See? This is what happens. You can't let a stray dog into the house. |
| 39772 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Phyllis |
Hmm, let's hear here out. I would like to hear more about these cakes. |
| 39773 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Meredith |
I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop. |
| 39774 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Angela |
Good God... |
| 39775 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Meredith |
They make these cakes, they're wild! I mean, they show everything! |
| 39776 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Pam |
I don't, I don't think we sh- |
| 39777 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Meredith |
I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black, they do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guy's fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing. |
| 39778 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Pam |
Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue. |
| 39779 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Phyllis |
As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it feels good to be represented on one. |
| 39780 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Pam |
You know what, I think we should get some other input. |
| 39781 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Kelly |
I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake. |
| 39782 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, cupcakes. That's what I said. |
| 39783 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5949 |
Angela |
No! I'm not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker. |
| 39784 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5950 |
Michael |
Um, Pam. |
| 39785 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5950 |
Pam |
Oh, hey Michael! I'm just going to go to Carbondale to price some shredders. I'll see you later. |
| 39786 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5950 |
Michael |
Okay... |
| 39787 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
Gabe! |
| 39788 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Gabe |
I need to talk to you! |
| 39789 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
You can't be in here. This is a lady's room! |
| 39790 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Abe |
Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here everytime you go if that's what it takes. |
| 39791 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
Hey Creed. |
| 39792 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Creed |
Not cool man. |
| 39793 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
I really think you should leave. |
| 39794 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Gabe |
Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room. |
| 39795 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
Can we talk about this later, I have to go. |
| 39796 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Gabe |
Just read the letter under your windshield wiper, it explains everything. Quick one. |
| 39797 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Erin |
Gabe! |
| 39798 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5951 |
Gabe |
Okay... |
| 39799 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5952 |
Toby |
Here's the thing Rory, I knew you guys would hit it off in an odd way. |
| 39800 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5952 |
Rory |
I can bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him. |
| 39801 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5952 |
Toby |
Do- Well you should give him a little time to settle in. But- |
| 39802 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5952 |
Rory |
Does he like jams? My shelves are over flowing with preserves. |
| 39803 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5952 |
Toby |
Well, no. He hates jams. |
| 39804 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Michael |
Darryl! |
| 39805 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Darryl |
Hey. |
| 39806 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Michael |
I would like to give you, the only copy, of Somehow I Manage. Unfinished. If there's anyone here who can finish it, it's you. |
| 39807 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Darryl |
That's sweet Mike. Let's see here. There's a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum. |
| 39808 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Michael |
Mmmhmmm. It's true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer. |
| 39809 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Darryl |
No. Can't let you do that Mike. |
| 39810 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5953 |
Michael |
No problem. Worth a try. |
| 39811 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5954 |
Michael |
Darryl said I could use the bailer because I'm leaving. |
| 39812 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5954 |
Warehouse Guy |
No. |
| 39813 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5954 |
Michael |
Alright guys, well... see ya later warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip. |
| 39814 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
okay, so what's our approach? You a veteran? Do I have a month to live? You gonna get married tomorrow? What? Hmm? |
| 39815 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
Andy |
I thought we'd just talk about our customer service and exceptional paper quality. |
| 39816 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
That's stupid. |
| 39817 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
Andy |
What do I know? |
| 39818 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
What do you know? We gotta get psyched up! Okay? Guy? Let's get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way? |
| 39819 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 39820 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
Awesome! Ani Ani Shelto! Here we come. Do you know how to high-five? |
| 39821 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
Andy |
Yeah! |
| 39822 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
'Cause if you do now's the time. |
| 39823 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
Andy |
Alright. |
| 39824 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5955 |
DeAngelo |
Not while I'm driving. |
| 39825 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5956 |
Michael |
Catch you guys- Catch you guys on the filippity flip. Flippity flip! Flippity flip! Really? Okay, see ya guys! |
| 39826 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
DeAngelo |
You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success? |
| 39827 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
Andy |
No. I don't. |
| 39828 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
DeAngelo |
I'm walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, 'I only have enough cash to by a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog! So I grab the dog. He runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me. |
| 39829 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
Andy |
Awwhh, wow. |
| 39830 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
DeAngelo |
Gimme that dog! That's not your dog! Yeah! Again. |
| 39831 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
Andy |
Oh, okay... |
| 39832 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
DeAngelo |
Gimme that damn dog you f***ing thief! Don't ever do It again! You hear me?! You feel that energy? |
| 39833 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
Andy |
Mmhmmm. |
| 39834 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5957 |
Deangelo |
Wooo! Yeah! Okay, again. |
| 39835 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he's begging me to reconsider, but I... I just think I'm in love with someone else. |
| 39836 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
Kevin? |
| 39837 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
Andy. |
| 39838 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
Ahhhh... |
| 39839 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose. |
| 39840 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
Maybe neither. |
| 39841 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
I'm not attracted to Kevin. |
| 39842 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. And you know what? You don't need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime. |
| 39843 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
Extension 147. |
| 39844 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
N- |
| 39845 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Erin |
I know. |
| 39846 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5958 |
Michael |
Okay. |
| 39847 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Phyllis |
You want the 27-26 or the 27-30? |
| 39848 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Michael |
Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done? |
| 39849 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Phyllis |
No. I'm on a sale! |
| 39850 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Michael |
Listen to me. It's two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind. |
| 39851 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Phyllis |
Okay... |
| 39852 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Michael |
Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. |
| 39853 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 39854 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5959 |
Michael |
So I wanted to give you that. It's a letter of recommendation. |
| 39855 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5960 |
Dwight |
This is gonna be good. To whom it may concern. Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. Ohhh, yeah. |
| 39856 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5961 |
DeAngelo |
I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you he's gonna be a success. I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. But I can say this: He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, Andy's not your guy. You ever play Russian Roulette? Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year. |
| 39857 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5962 |
Jim |
Ahh, what happened to you? |
| 39858 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5962 |
Michael |
You should see the other guy. |
| 39859 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5962 |
Michael |
Jim where is Pam? |
| 39860 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5962 |
Jim |
Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders. |
| 39861 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5962 |
Michael |
But it is already three o'clock! |
| 39862 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5963 |
Michael |
Whether you're scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don't be. It's going to be okay. |
| 39863 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5964 |
Michael |
Yeah I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody. |
| 39864 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5965 |
Michael |
And you, why are you still here. |
| 39865 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5965 |
Gabe |
I'm either going to quit today, or stay to make sure that Andy's career is destroyed. |
| 39866 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5965 |
Michael |
No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite. |
| 39867 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5966 |
DeAngelo |
That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time. |
| 39868 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5966 |
Andy |
Uh DeAngelo, I'm, uh. I forgot my bag, so I'll meet you in the car. |
| 39869 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5966 |
DeAngelo |
Okay whatever. |
| 39870 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5966 |
Andy |
Sir, I'd just like to apologize, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is I think he's just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call. |
| 39871 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5966 |
Client |
Keep talking. |
| 39872 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5967 |
DeAngelo |
Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. You'll never guess, we did it! |
| 39873 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5967 |
Andy |
Hey! Good job boss! |
| 39874 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5967 |
DeAngelo |
We did it! |
| 39875 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5968 |
Michael |
Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let's go! Hurry up, let's do this! |
| 39876 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Stanley |
Yes, what is this about? |
| 39877 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
What is this meeting about? |
| 39878 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Stanley |
Mmhmmm. |
| 39879 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well there's two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I'm leaving for the day at four. |
| 39880 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Phyllis |
They're almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and- |
| 39881 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Well power through the arthritis Phyllis you can do it! |
| 39882 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Stanley |
Is that it? |
| 39883 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Umm, hmm? |
| 39884 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Stanley |
Is that it? |
| 39885 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Ummm... Hm... No. No. There's a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he's coming right in. Oh hi everybody, it's Ping! And I'm here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You've been so wonderful! I ruv you all! I ruv you very much! |
| 39886 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
Hey, can I talk to you for a second? |
| 39887 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Sure. Be right out! |
| 39888 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day. |
| 39889 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Ohh... |
| 39890 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me? |
| 39891 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Okay... |
| 39892 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right? |
| 39893 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Maybe. |
| 39894 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good. |
| 39895 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing? |
| 39896 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch. |
| 39897 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. You started with this company, as a fine young man... |
| 39898 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch. |
| 39899 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Oh, okay. |
| 39900 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. |
| 39901 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Oh shoot! That's my cab. |
| 39902 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 39903 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Alright. |
| 39904 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but... |
| 39905 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright? |
| 39906 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
I will see you, tomorrow at lunch. |
| 39907 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am. |
| 39908 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 39909 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Okay... Phyllis. |
| 39910 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Phyllis |
Oh no, they're still not done. |
| 39911 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
No no no, let me see. Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. |
| 39912 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Creed |
See ya tomorrow boss! |
| 39913 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5969 |
Michael |
Later guys. |
| 39914 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5970 |
Michael |
Got almost everybody. So... Holly's my family now. She's my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just... when you get down to it... your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that? |
| 39915 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5971 |
Michael |
Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright... Oh! This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. That's what she said! |
| 39916 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5972 |
Pam |
No he wasn't sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award's member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly. |
| 39917 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5973 |
DeAngelo |
Well if he's not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. I for one love the corners. Why'd I just do that? It's not even that good. I don't even want it. I had cake for lunch. No, you know what? I've been good. I deserve this. What am I doing? Come on DeAngelo! |
| 39918 |
7 |
22 |
Goodbye, Michael |
5973 |
Dwight |
Uh oh... |
| 39919 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5974 |
Deangelo |
So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright. I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride. Deal with it. |
| 39920 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5974 |
Darryl |
Seriously? |
| 39921 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5974 |
Deangelo |
Stone cold seriously. |
| 39922 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5975 |
Deangelo |
They are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care. |
| 39923 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Deangelo |
Change two, Toby, you're gettin' a new chair. |
| 39924 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Toby |
Thanks. |
| 39925 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Deangelo |
Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy! Okay? And I don't care if you like it. |
| 39926 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Oscar |
These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them? |
| 39927 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Deangelo |
I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream. You either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions? |
| 39928 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Kevin |
This all sounds great to me. But I could see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think. |
| 39929 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5976 |
Deangelo |
That is a s-- astute observation, Kevin. |
| 39930 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5977 |
Deangelo |
Kev's got me pegged. |
| 39931 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
It blows away Vermont in the fall. |
| 39932 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Darryl |
Snap, for real? |
| 39933 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Good morning, Deangelo. |
| 39934 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
Hold on. |
| 39935 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 39936 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
And if you're really serious, you should go in the spring. |
| 39937 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Because of the flowers. |
| 39938 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
No. Because the entire state smells like Earth. |
| 39939 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Dogwoods, or just the Earth. |
| 39940 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
Yes, Pam. |
| 39941 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Hey, well, good morning. I think I have good news for you today. I found your new executive assistant. My friend Carla. She's got great experience. We even considered making her Cece's godmother, but she had this boyfriend at the time-- but here's her resume. |
| 39942 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Deangelo |
Put it with the rest. |
| 39943 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5978 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 39944 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Deangelo |
Hey dudes! |
| 39945 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 39946 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Andy |
Hey! |
| 39947 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Pam |
Oh my God, he hates me! |
| 39948 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Jim |
No he doesn't. You just get so nervous and hyper around him. |
| 39949 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Pam |
I know. |
| 39950 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Jim |
Every time there's a silence, your brain's like "Heh-heh-huh-huh" . |
| 39951 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Pam |
Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings? |
| 39952 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5979 |
Jim |
Careful. There is no inner circle. |
| 39953 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5980 |
Andy |
Oh, there's an inner circle. Oh yeah. |
| 39954 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5981 |
Jim |
There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys. |
| 39955 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5982 |
Kevin |
Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is IN the inner circle! Which doesn't exist. |
| 39956 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Deangelo |
There he is! Got ya coffee. |
| 39957 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Dwight |
Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you. |
| 39958 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Deangelo |
Not a coffee guy, I take it. |
| 39959 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Dwight |
It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun. |
| 39960 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Deangelo |
Listen. I've got a sixer. "Automatic for the People" on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown. Come on! Pick up some sausage if you want. |
| 39961 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5983 |
Dwight |
I think you'll find what you're looking for over there. |
| 39962 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5984 |
Deangelo |
No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight. |
| 39963 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
Who's the biggest client in the state? I say we go get 'em, whatever it takes. Huh? What do you guys say? |
| 39964 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 39965 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
Right! Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients. |
| 39966 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I say we just go for it! |
| 39967 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
Is that ball lighter than usual? Is that a Chinatown knockoff? |
| 39968 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Jim |
That's Toys R Us, I think. |
| 39969 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity's off. Feel that. What do you think? |
| 39970 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Gabe |
Oh, yeah, totally. Jim, you got ripped off big time. |
| 39971 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
Deangelo! See what I did there? That's what you need to do. It's that little English. The British are coming. |
| 39972 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 39973 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5985 |
Deangelo |
Deangelo's open! |
| 39974 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5986 |
Deangelo |
Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby. |
| 39975 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5986 |
Ryan |
Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure. |
| 39976 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5986 |
Deangelo |
Keep it up. |
| 39977 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5987 |
Ryan |
The problem with having "It" or "the X-factor" or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say. |
| 39978 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Kelly |
What? |
| 39979 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Ryan |
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... |
| 39980 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Kelly |
Why should I pretend that you are my boss? |
| 39981 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Ryan |
Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly? I'll tell you what I would have done for you. I'd lie for you. |
| 39982 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie. |
| 39983 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Ryan |
I'd die for you too. |
| 39984 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Kelly |
You really would? |
| 39985 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Ryan |
Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company! |
| 39986 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Kelly |
Sure thing, Mr. Howard. |
| 39987 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Deangelo |
Woo. Glad he's not my boss. |
| 39988 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5988 |
Ryan |
You're the best. Thank you. |
| 39989 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
You know I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's. |
| 39990 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last. |
| 39991 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
You know what... straight up, why don't you like me? |
| 39992 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay? |
| 39993 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Ohhhh no. |
| 39994 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 39995 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Okay? I'm gonna win you over. |
| 39996 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No you're not. |
| 39997 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes I am. |
| 39998 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 39999 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Oh yes. |
| 40000 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40001 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes. |
| 40002 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40003 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes. |
| 40004 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40005 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes. |
| 40006 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40007 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes. |
| 40008 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40009 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5989 |
Deangelo |
Yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes! |
| 40010 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Jim |
Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled "administrative" and "assistant." |
| 40011 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Darryl |
The winner: under "Special Skills," Mr. Don Feiner put "Juggling." |
| 40012 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Deangelo |
What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine. |
| 40013 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Jim |
Seriously? |
| 40014 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Deangelo |
Oh yeah. I'd do it for you here, but uh, what would you say this room is, 300 square feet? 320? |
| 40015 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Gabe |
320. Just freeballin' it. |
| 40016 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Deangelo |
It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo? |
| 40017 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Kevin |
Oh, I think it's 18 hundo. |
| 40018 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5990 |
Gabe |
Give or take. |
| 40019 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
Sorry gang. Thought my juggling stuff was in the trunk of my car. It's not. |
| 40020 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Pam |
Oh no, do you think it was stolen? |
| 40021 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Andy |
I gotcha covered, boss. Used to play with the parabolas myself. Got some extra balls! Hey-hey-hey-ho! |
| 40022 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
Sorry, I never touch another juggler's instruments. You know, we're all here, I've got the music cued, why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls? Prepare... to go into the danger zone. |
| 40023 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Pam |
Oh wow, you weren't kidding. |
| 40024 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
No. Never. Can someone please throw me a fifth ball? If you dare! Incoming! And we're on! Remember, nothing's impossible! Phyllis, where's Phyllis? |
| 40025 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Phyllis |
Here. |
| 40026 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
Do you believe in me, Phyllis? |
| 40027 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 40028 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
Because I believe in you. |
| 40029 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Phyllis |
Okay. |
| 40030 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Deangelo |
Feel that connection? Don't move your head. Please. Thank you. Oh! Big hand for Phyllis! That took a lot of guts! Ho! I'm Deangelo Vickers, thank you so much, hope you learned something. |
| 40031 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5991 |
Kevin |
Didn't drop a single ball! |
| 40032 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Pam |
Look. I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls. I'm juggling with one hand. No hands. |
| 40033 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Jim |
What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine? |
| 40034 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Pam |
What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine? How can you keep defending him? |
| 40035 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Jim |
He's good at his job. And I like working for him. |
| 40036 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Angela |
Of course you do, Jim. You're a man. Deangelo is a huge sexist. |
| 40037 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Andy |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell. I took a crapload of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the "v*g1n* Monologues" called the "pen1s Apologies." So I know a thing or two. |
| 40038 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Angela |
Okay. Then how about I'm the head of the Accounting Department, but he only ever talks to Kevin? What about Pam and Kelly? Also department heads. But has he ever met with you or even asked you to do anything? |
| 40039 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Andy |
How could I not see it? You're so right. |
| 40040 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Pam |
Why don't you talk to him about it? |
| 40041 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Jim |
And say what? "Hey Deangelo, are you shy or just a sexist?" |
| 40042 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Pam |
Why don't you just tell him how his actions are being perceived by the women in this office? |
| 40043 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Jim |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 40044 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5992 |
Andy |
And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his pen1s goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls? |
| 40045 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5993 |
Jim |
Hey, you got a second? |
| 40046 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5993 |
Deangelo |
Yeah, I got tons of time. This job's a joke. |
| 40047 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
So what's up? |
| 40048 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
Umm, really, it's nothing, I was just talking to Angela, and she was -- |
| 40049 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Darryl |
Hey, saw Jim come in. We meeting? |
| 40050 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
Yeah sure. Let's make it a meeting. |
| 40051 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
If it's alright, can I just have like one minute alone, just to go over -- |
| 40052 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
What's the big secret? Why are you even whispering? Come on, it's the guys! |
| 40053 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
I know. Just the guys. Well, maybe that's, uh, part of the problem. I think...so what happened was, I was talking with some of the department heads. Uh, some of the female department heads. |
| 40054 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
Uh-oh. Right? |
| 40055 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Kevin |
Hot! |
| 40056 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
Maybe there's a vibe out there, with certain members of the office, that you are...a little sexist, or -- |
| 40057 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Darryl |
Damn! |
| 40058 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
Whoa. Whoa. Wait. |
| 40059 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
Are you serious? Who feels this way? |
| 40060 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
Oh. Like nobody. |
| 40061 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Gabe |
Umm, Pam? |
| 40062 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
It was -- |
| 40063 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Gabe |
Was it Pam? |
| 40064 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Kevin |
That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Deangelo, she can get really bitchy. Kevin... |
| 40065 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
Guys. Hold on. Doesn't matter who, okay? I'm just happy that Jim brought it to my attention because honestly, I had - I had no idea. |
| 40066 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Jim |
That's awesome. |
| 40067 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5994 |
Deangelo |
Thank you. |
| 40068 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5995 |
Kelly |
Mom, Ryan's taking us out to dinner tonight. No, no, he's not going to stand us up like he did last time. He won't ever stand us up again. |
| 40069 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5996 |
Ryan |
So I am the new customer service supervisor. |
| 40070 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5996 |
Kelly |
When Deangelo's around. |
| 40071 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5996 |
Ryan |
And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when -- |
| 40072 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5996 |
Kelly |
All the time. |
| 40073 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5996 |
Ryan |
All the time. |
| 40074 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
Erin, do you mind running down to the lobby and bringing up my brand new executive assistant? |
| 40075 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Erin |
Absolutely. |
| 40076 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jim |
Hey, who'd you end up hiring? |
| 40077 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
Oh, I'm glad you asked, Jim. Because apparently there's a rumor running around here that I am a sexist. I can't work here effectively if you guys think I'm something that I am not. I am not a sexist. Raise your hand if you have a v*g1n*. Raise your hand if someone you love has a v*g1n*. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just about everyone. What about Deangelo's hand? Oh wow. He's got 'em both up. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, so it bothers me when I hear that there's gossip around here that I treat women lesser than men. Okay? Frankly, we all look a little ridiculous when that happens. |
| 40078 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Phyllis |
I'm not a feminist, but I think that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't. |
| 40079 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
Dwight, what's your take? |
| 40080 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Dwight |
What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all. |
| 40081 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
Man, you're smart. Oh, hey! Hi! Hello. Welcome. Uh, everyone, I'd like you to please welcome Jordan Garfield. This is everyone. |
| 40082 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jordan |
Hello. |
| 40083 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Pam |
So, Jordan, uh, where did you work before? Uh, a law office? |
| 40084 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jordan |
No, Anthropology. We don't have this in that size, pretty lame. |
| 40085 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Kelly |
Lame? You worked at Anthropology? |
| 40086 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jordan |
Yeah. |
| 40087 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Kelly |
That's like my dream job. How did you even get that job? |
| 40088 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jordan |
Well, I umm - |
| 40089 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Kelly |
You chose this job over that job? |
| 40090 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Ryan |
Okay, okay, back to work, Kelly, we have a lot to get done today. |
| 40091 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Pam |
So, umm, is this your first office job then? |
| 40092 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Jordan |
Yeah. |
| 40093 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
Yup. |
| 40094 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 40095 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5997 |
Deangelo |
No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits. |
| 40096 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Kevin |
Jim, you coming? |
| 40097 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Jim |
Oh yeah, did he text us? |
| 40098 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 40099 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 40100 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Pam |
Jim, what are you doing? Get in there. This is not the time to take a stand. At least he likes one of us. |
| 40101 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Jim |
He didn't text me. |
| 40102 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Andy |
Yes! I'm in. |
| 40103 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Angela |
Andy, what are you doing? |
| 40104 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Andy |
I'm going in, into the belly of the beast. Gonna infiltrate and change from within. What's up, mancave! |
| 40105 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5998 |
Pam |
Just go in. Just go in, he probably forgot to text you. |
| 40106 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Deangelo |
Internally, for office use where do we get our paper from? Do we go - |
| 40107 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Jim |
Don't worry, the first day's always the hardest. |
| 40108 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Deangelo |
Hey Jim. |
| 40109 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 40110 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Deangelo |
Can I help you? |
| 40111 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
5999 |
Jim |
Nope. Just... Okay. |
| 40112 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6000 |
Dwight |
So, he kicked you out of the inner circle, huh? |
| 40113 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6000 |
Jim |
Well, there is no inner...circle. |
| 40114 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6001 |
Jordan |
Dwight? Deangelo wanted me to ask you if there's anything I can help you with. |
| 40115 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6001 |
Dwight |
Really? Anything. |
| 40116 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6001 |
Jordan |
Do you need anything? |
| 40117 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6001 |
Dwight |
Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone. |
| 40118 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6002 |
Andy |
Okay, I do not want to waste your time, so I will keep this br-r-r-r-r-r-ief. Now, word on the street is, Mercy Hospital, back on the market. Deangelo would like you to put together a sales pitch for next week. Deangelo has also recently learned about the Barnacle Project. Which is a non-profit organization based in Mystic, Connecticut that assists in the scraping of barnacles -- |
| 40119 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6003 |
Jim |
So this is my life. Until I win the lottery . Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books. |
| 40120 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6004 |
Pam |
So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes...The Horse Flyer. |
| 40121 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Ryan |
Hey! Kelly, that's the last time I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck! Okay? We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all. |
| 40122 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Deangelo |
No one likes a money grubber. |
| 40123 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Kelly |
I'm sorry, Mr. Howard, I apologize for grubbing for money. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss. Okay? Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years. |
| 40124 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Deangelo |
Ohh. |
| 40125 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Ryan |
Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly. |
| 40126 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Kelly |
No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically. Just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding. |
| 40127 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Deangelo |
Is this true, Ryan? |
| 40128 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Ryan |
I did not see Rango. |
| 40129 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Deangelo |
Okay, I don't have time for this he said-she said. |
| 40130 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Kelly |
He's not saying anything! |
| 40131 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Deangelo |
It's too murky. I like Ryan. You seem kind of hysterical to me. Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way. |
| 40132 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Kelly |
That's not fair, I mean, I've been working here for such a long ti-- |
| 40133 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6005 |
Ryan |
Oh, close call! Okay, why don't you just finish this up and leave it on my desk and I will see you at your place around 2 am. |
| 40134 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Pam |
Hey! It sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, but it's really loud, and some of us are trying to work, so do you think you could do it a little more quietly? |
| 40135 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Gabe |
Well, that's gonna be tough, because we're getting a dunking clinic from Magic Jordan himself. |
| 40136 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Deangelo |
Oh, you mean Michael Jordan? |
| 40137 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Gabe |
Total brain burp. |
| 40138 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Deangelo |
I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line. |
| 40139 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 40140 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6006 |
Darryl |
Daaamn! Mad respect for my brotha! |
| 40141 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6007 |
Darryl |
The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese. |
| 40142 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Pam |
Okay, well it's just really loud. |
| 40143 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Okay. We'll keep that in mind. Alright, ladies, back to the game. |
| 40144 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Darryl |
Do it! |
| 40145 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Jim! Come on in. |
| 40146 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Pam |
You're back in. |
| 40147 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Jim |
You know what? Instead of a game, why don't we do an exhibition? I'd love to see that dunk of yours. |
| 40148 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Yeah, we'll set that up one day. |
| 40149 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Jim |
Today. Now, maybe. 'Cause we have a hoop downstairs and a real ball, so you don't have to mime it. |
| 40150 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Yeah, I don't know. |
| 40151 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Jim |
Why not? |
| 40152 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Only because no one has called NASA to request a liftoff. Let's go downstairs! Okay? Let's do it. |
| 40153 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Dwight |
Pass. If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop. |
| 40154 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6008 |
Deangelo |
Damn it, Dwight! Enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper! |
| 40155 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6009 |
Dwight |
Okay, a little about me. I respond to strong leadership. |
| 40156 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jim |
Alright, there you go. |
| 40157 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Seems a little close, you sure that's the real foul line? |
| 40158 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jim |
15 feet from the baseline, so, you need me to move it in? |
| 40159 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Nah, that's 15. Yeah. |
| 40160 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40161 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
And uh, you know what, to make it interesting, Jordan, why don't you sit underneath the basket? |
| 40162 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jordan |
Seriously? |
| 40163 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Yeah, come on. I'll dunk over you. Best seat in the house. |
| 40164 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jordan |
I don't, I don't think I can do that. I'm holding your jewelry. |
| 40165 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Right. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. Kevin, you do it. |
| 40166 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Kevin |
Yes! Okay. |
| 40167 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Someone want to sit in Kevin's lap? Angela? |
| 40168 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Angela |
No. |
| 40169 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Oscar? |
| 40170 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Oscar |
No thank you. |
| 40171 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Okay, Jimmy, this is for you. Show you that anything is possible. |
| 40172 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jim |
Fantastic. |
| 40173 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
Alright? |
| 40174 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Jim |
Yup. |
| 40175 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6010 |
Deangelo |
This is also for the troops. Doctor is in! Ahhhh! |
| 40176 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6011 |
Jim |
Now what? |
| 40177 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Erin |
Deangelo? |
| 40178 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Deangelo |
Tablab. |
| 40179 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Jim |
Oh my God, are you alright? Erin, will you call 911 please? |
| 40180 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Erin |
Who should I say is calling? |
| 40181 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Jim |
Erin. |
| 40182 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Deangelo |
says to bartender Droswip. Droswip. |
| 40183 |
7 |
23 |
The Inner Circle |
6012 |
Gabe |
Droswip, yeah. I get it. Okay, we're gonna get you to the restroom. |
| 40184 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Pam |
We could get Deangelo flowers. |
| 40185 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Dwight |
No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up. |
| 40186 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Phyllis |
That's true. |
| 40187 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Jim |
All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons? |
| 40188 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse? |
| 40189 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6013 |
Jim |
Nope. Baskets have it. |
| 40190 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6014 |
Jim |
So as it turns out, unless you're a young child or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you. People just come in and do their work on their schedule. Imagine that - people like us allowed to sell paper. Unsupervised. And yet, somehow it works. It must be because the stakes are so high. |
| 40191 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Jim |
Well, I really appreciate the offer, but I'm just happy the way things are. Okay. Thank you. That was Jo, asking me if I wanted to take over as acting manager while they find a replacement. I told her... I don't want to mess this up, right? There's a consensus, people are happy. |
| 40192 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. Thank you. Jordan, gather my things from my desk. |
| 40193 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Jim |
Wait... |
| 40194 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Pam |
What have you done? |
| 40195 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Dwight |
Mose... you'll never guess where I am right now. |
| 40196 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6015 |
Mose |
Aaaaahhhhh! |
| 40197 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6016 |
Pam |
Can't stay there all day. |
| 40198 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6016 |
Jim |
I'm coming. |
| 40199 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6016 |
Pam |
Do I at least get to go with you in this fantasy? |
| 40200 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6016 |
Jim |
You'd slow me down. |
| 40201 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6017 |
Jim |
Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No. A week. Just feels like three months. Let's see, we all have to punch in to a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now Junior Employee. Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine's at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours. |
| 40202 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6017 |
Pam |
Stop stalling! Come on. |
| 40203 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
All |
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation... |
| 40204 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
All but Oscar |
...under God... |
| 40205 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
All |
...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. |
| 40206 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Angela |
Amen. |
| 40207 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Dwight |
Excellent. Morning announcements! There's been a problem with some people sharing copier codes. Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you, and you only, okay? Don't share it. Jo Bennett, our CEO, will be here today for a high-level meeting involving Gabe and myself. |
| 40208 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Erin |
Ooh, about what? |
| 40209 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Dwight |
That's on a need-to-know basis. |
| 40210 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Erin |
I thought I needed to know for your calendar. |
| 40211 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Dwight |
General meet-and-greet. So I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection. |
| 40212 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Jim |
Question, if we already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in? |
| 40213 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Dwight |
Define foment. |
| 40214 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Jim |
You define foment. |
| 40215 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6018 |
Dwight |
Please take note of the new color-coding system. |
| 40216 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6019 |
Dwight |
Aha! |
| 40217 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6019 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, what is wrong with you? |
| 40218 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6019 |
Dwight |
Gotcha! Why are you late? |
| 40219 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6019 |
Kelly |
It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal. |
| 40220 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6019 |
Dwight |
All right. You stop me when I reach the diseased area. |
| 40221 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
In fairness, Darryl did tell me that joke, so... |
| 40222 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Erin |
Oh! Darryl's funny. |
| 40223 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
I know, right? |
| 40224 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
Hey, Andy? |
| 40225 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
Yeah? |
| 40226 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
Can I talk to you a second about these client memos? |
| 40227 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
Sure. What's going on? |
| 40228 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
Are you still in love with Erin? |
| 40229 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
What? |
| 40230 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
Because I am. I need to get her back. I can't be alone anymore. Andy, do you like being alone with me right now? |
| 40231 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
No, this is horrifying. |
| 40232 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
No. I don't like being alone with me either, okay? I have to get her back. Are you still gonna date her? |
| 40233 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
We're just friends, okay? |
| 40234 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
Do you promise that? |
| 40235 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Andy |
Yeah, fine, I promise. We'll never date again. Can we go outside now? |
| 40236 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6020 |
Gabe |
No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying. |
| 40237 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing? What's this? What's the Fist? |
| 40238 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Jim |
Oh, it's just a social club. You know, like the French Revolution, or the Black Panthers, or communism. It's just a club. Guys talking, you know. |
| 40239 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Dwight |
You expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion? |
| 40240 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Jim |
Nope. Social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion. |
| 40241 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Dwight |
Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist. |
| 40242 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6021 |
Jim |
And we would love to have you. But not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything, but I have noted it. |
| 40243 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6022 |
Kevin |
One... |
| 40244 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6023 |
Stanley |
: $0.50" with a camera pointed at it] |
| 40245 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6024 |
Andy |
Pam, I have to show you this video. You're gonna love it. It's Beyonce falling with a fart mixed in. |
| 40246 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6025 |
Dwight |
I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting Manager. |
| 40247 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6026 |
Kevin |
No food now? Someone has to do something about Dwight! |
| 40248 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6026 |
Creed |
He put some snacks in the freezer for us. |
| 40249 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6026 |
Pam |
You mean the frozen mice for the piranha? |
| 40250 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6026 |
Creed |
No. The blueberry Slurpee pouch. |
| 40251 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6026 |
Phyllis |
He means the ice pack. |
| 40252 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Erin |
2:00 should probably be okay. I can either take your number or - |
| 40253 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Gabe |
I'm sorry. This can't wait. |
| 40254 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Erin |
He's just gonna call back. |
| 40255 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Gabe |
Erin, I am in love with you. I don't believe in much, okay? I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. Uh, uh, I sure as hell don't believe in God. |
| 40256 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Erin |
What? |
| 40257 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Gabe |
Or maybe there's a God. I don't know. I mean, it's just not a guy with a long white beard. Or it could be. I mean, it's possible that that is exactly what - what God is. But for all of the disbelief I believe in us. I believe in love. You have made me believe that for all of the hokum out... there... uh, do we not have voicemail? |
| 40258 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Erin |
Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages. |
| 40259 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6027 |
Gabe |
Well... it's just... it messes up my rhythm. |
| 40260 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6028 |
Erin |
I'm taking a break from dating. Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him. |
| 40261 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
Wow, you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic. |
| 40262 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
Ah, Jim, Jim, Jim. The gun is a Beaumont-Adams. Jo collects them. I thought we could have some nice small talk about it. And the piranha's a rescue. |
| 40263 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
And the desk. |
| 40264 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek. Listen, I'm a very busy man. Let's get right down to business. |
| 40265 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40266 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
Jo is coming later today. I cannot have a subordinate trying to make me look stupid. Okay? I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior. |
| 40267 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
I promise...d other people that I would be on my worst behavior. And I gave them my word, so... |
| 40268 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
Don't make me fire you. |
| 40269 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
You can't fire me. You're acting manager. Not office manager. So you have no firing powers. |
| 40270 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
Don't make me pre-fire you. |
| 40271 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
You wouldn't dare. |
| 40272 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full fired. |
| 40273 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Jim |
If you get promoted, and if you haven't fallen in love with me by then. |
| 40274 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6029 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 40275 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6030 |
Jim |
If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, "Well that's pretty premature to think," but I always say, it's better to be pre-pre-preprepared. |
| 40276 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6031 |
Dwight |
How you doing, Jordan? |
| 40277 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6031 |
Jordan |
I'm good. |
| 40278 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6031 |
Dwight |
Everyone here thinks that you're a joke. They think that you were hired because of your good looks, which won't last long anyway. As your pale skin and severe bone structure imply, you'll age swiftly and poorly. |
| 40279 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6031 |
Jordan |
Why are you telling me this? |
| 40280 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6031 |
Dwight |
Now I want you to find out what people are saying about me, things they don't want me to know abou- Ohh... it's a holster. |
| 40281 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Lookin' good. Ohh... Oh, what a day. What a day. |
| 40282 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Pam |
Dwight, are you carrying a gun? |
| 40283 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
The holster was a gift from my great-uncle Honk. Um, I don't know. I guess he's saying that he's proud of me. |
| 40284 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Andy |
Dwight, guns make me really uncomfortable. |
| 40285 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
The gun is just an accessory to the holster, okay? I can't walk around wearing an empty holster. |
| 40286 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Pam |
Why do you need to wear the holster at all? |
| 40287 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
Why do you need to keep wearing those booby shirts all the time? |
| 40288 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 40289 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Phyllis |
You could put your cell phone in it instead. |
| 40290 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
Uh... hello! |
| 40291 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Kevin |
You could put a banana in it. |
| 40292 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
Why would I put a banana in my holster? |
| 40293 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Kevin |
In case you weren't hungry now, but you got hungry later. |
| 40294 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Pam |
Dwight, no gun, okay? Don't make us call Jo. |
| 40295 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Dwight |
Okay. All right. Fine. Everyone calm down. Someone get me a banana. Sorry I freaked you guys out - aah! |
| 40296 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Erin |
Andy! |
| 40297 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6032 |
Andy |
Aah! Aah! It's so loud! |
| 40298 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Oscar |
My God. There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that? |
| 40299 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
Eeeeeeee... There's like this crazy ringing going on. I can't - eeeeeee... I can't find perfect C. |
| 40300 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Meredith |
Okay, everyone make a list of what's lost for the insurance. I lost a necklace, a ring, a painting- |
| 40301 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Toby |
Hey, what happened? |
| 40302 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Kelly |
Dwight went on a shooting spree, and then he shot Andy in the head. |
| 40303 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. All we know is that a gun fired. That's all we know! No. That's not true. Actually, we heard a loud noise. Later, a hole was seen. No one saw the bullet leave the gun. |
| 40304 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
Something's definitely wrong. |
| 40305 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Oscar |
I'll look on WebMD. What are your symptoms? |
| 40306 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Angela |
Oh, everybody. Oscar found a reason to look on WebMD. |
| 40307 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Oscar |
Firewall. |
| 40308 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Gabe |
I can't reach Jo. She must already be on the plane. |
| 40309 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Dwight |
Okay, why are you calling Jo? |
| 40310 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
I think I should go the hospital. |
| 40311 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Erin |
I'll go with you. |
| 40312 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Gabe |
No! We really shouldn't be without a receptionist. Now more than ever. |
| 40313 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Darryl |
I'll take him. |
| 40314 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
Thank you, Darryl. |
| 40315 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Darryl |
What's wrong with you? |
| 40316 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
It's my ear. |
| 40317 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 40318 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Andy |
Okay, sorry. |
| 40319 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Toby |
Oh, I should get the accident report binder. I've never used the gun violence forms before. |
| 40320 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Gabe |
I'm gonna keep trying Jo. |
| 40321 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6033 |
Dwight |
Okay, everyone! Conference room, right now! |
| 40322 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
Yee-haw! Whoo-hoo! Howdy, partners! It's me, Gun-Safety Dwight! And I'm the rootin'-est-- I can't do this. Um, look. Obviously, a gun went off under my watch, and I'm launching a full investigation. |
| 40323 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Stanley |
We all saw you do it. |
| 40324 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
Really? You did? What hand was I holding the gun in? What did Andy's tie look like? |
| 40325 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Erin |
Navy blue. Little red anchors. |
| 40326 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
I have no way of knowing if that's true. |
| 40327 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Toby |
I am supposed to collect eyewitness accounts. Who saw Dwight do this? |
| 40328 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
Okay, really? |
| 40329 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Toby |
Would you consider this a terrorist incident? |
| 40330 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Ryan |
I felt terrorized. |
| 40331 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 40332 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Toby |
Oh, there's a whole 'nother terrorism booklet for that. |
| 40333 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
I just really, really think we should handle this internally. |
| 40334 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Ryan |
Dwight, why is it on us to protect you? |
| 40335 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6034 |
Dwight |
Because you guys are my best friends, and I mean that. Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life. And if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground. And I mean that figuratively. Not literally. Because you guys are so... so important... to me. I love you guys. But don't cross me. But you're the best. |
| 40336 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Andy |
Hey. We're back. |
| 40337 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Dwight |
There he is! Our hero! You look fantastic. How you doing? Here, tell us your war stories. |
| 40338 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Andy |
Well, I burst my eardrum. Doctor said it could take weeks to heal. |
| 40339 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Dwight |
Did they say what caused it? Because I know you like putting Q-tips deep into your ear canal. |
| 40340 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 40341 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Phyllis |
How's your hearing? |
| 40342 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6035 |
Andy |
Temporary deafness in one ear. It was both ears. I couldn't hear a thing Darryl was saying while we were in the waiting room. |
| 40343 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6036 |
Darryl |
I was talking like this. I don't feel good about it, but he just kept calling himself a gunshot victim and it got to me. |
| 40344 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Kelly |
Dwight, I would like tomorrow off so that I can go on my American Idol audition. |
| 40345 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
American Idol? What? No. |
| 40346 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Kelly |
Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo? |
| 40347 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 40348 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Kelly |
Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree? |
| 40349 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
Okay, fine. You can go on your singing audition. |
| 40350 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Phyllis |
Okay, well, then I want an extra vacation day. |
| 40351 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Angela |
Pet Day! I want Pet Day back - no dogs. |
| 40352 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Kevin |
Put back everything in the vending machine except the fruit. |
| 40353 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
I put everything back in the vending machine. |
| 40354 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Kevin |
Put everything back in the vending machine except... the fruit. |
| 40355 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Pam |
You have to get rid of all your weapons. All of them. Including killer fish. |
| 40356 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 40357 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Jim |
Oh, is it my turn? Ooh, I'm on the spot. I don't know. Um... you know what? I think I'm good. |
| 40358 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
Thank God. |
| 40359 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Jim |
Nope. When Jo's here, can you work in "Shagadelic, baby," at least three times in a conversation? Oh, and when I cough can you do jazz hands? |
| 40360 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
What's jazz hands? |
| 40361 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6037 |
Dwight |
Fine. |
| 40362 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6038 |
Kevin |
What the is that? Oh, my... |
| 40363 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Jo |
Hey, all! Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers. |
| 40364 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Dwight |
Hello, Jo. Welcome. Well, shall we begin? |
| 40365 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Jo |
Slow yourself down there. Just like a man. Wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on. Jim Halpert - the only man that ever turned me down. |
| 40366 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Jim |
Well, I don't know about that. Just wasn't for me. But let me assure you, Dwight is firing on all cylinders. Right? |
| 40367 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Jo |
Well, some pretty big shoes to fill. I was sorry to hear about Deangelo. He was a good man. Tragic. |
| 40368 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6039 |
Dwight |
Well, what can you do? Life. |
| 40369 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Andy |
We have to clean this up now! |
| 40370 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Erin |
She had so much - |
| 40371 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Gabe |
Hey, guys. |
| 40372 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 40373 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Gabe |
Hope I'm not interrupting anything. |
| 40374 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Andy |
No! |
| 40375 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Gabe |
Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again? |
| 40376 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Andy |
Uh... |
| 40377 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Gabe |
I just thought that it was so interesting that you promised that. |
| 40378 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Andy |
Did I say that earlier? Yes, I did. Because you, Gabe, were crying... |
| 40379 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Gabe |
No, I was not. |
| 40380 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6040 |
Andy |
And sobbing uncontrollably. Yes. Uh-huh. You were in hysterics. And my maternal instincts kicked in. Is it actually how I feel? Yes. Or no. That is... between me and my diary. |
| 40381 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Oscar, can you print out last year's sale statements? |
| 40382 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Hey, Dwight, gimme a back massage. |
| 40383 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
No, Kevin, come on. |
| 40384 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
My back is sore, Dwight. Massage it. |
| 40385 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Kevin, not now. |
| 40386 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Hey, Jo! |
| 40387 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Okay, okay. Shh! |
| 40388 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
No, under the jacket. |
| 40389 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
You're kidding me. Oh God, what am I touching? It's moist. |
| 40390 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
I don't feel anything. |
| 40391 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Oh, it's so wet. |
| 40392 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Push harder, Dwight. |
| 40393 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
I can't. I can't push harder! |
| 40394 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Go a little higher. There you go. Nope, higher. Higher. |
| 40395 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Okay, how's that? |
| 40396 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Knead it. Knead it like a pizza. |
| 40397 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
I'm kneading it! |
| 40398 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Kevin |
Don't eat it. |
| 40399 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel? |
| 40400 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Jo... I accidentally fired a gun in the office today. |
| 40401 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
What?! |
| 40402 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
I am telling you this because I care too much about this job to be blackmailed into doing it poorly. All I've ever wanted was to be manager here. And if you feel that you cannot promote me over this one accident, I understand. But if you think that extortion is worse - |
| 40403 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same - you shot a gun? What is wrong with you? |
| 40404 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps. |
| 40405 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid. |
| 40406 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
I take full responsibility. |
| 40407 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
Who else would be responsible? |
| 40408 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Pam made me put a banana in my holster. |
| 40409 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Pam |
You shot a gun off - |
| 40410 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Okay. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes. |
| 40411 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius. |
| 40412 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Got it. |
| 40413 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
I love you, Dwight. But you don't fit this job. |
| 40414 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Dwight |
Jo, please... I will - |
| 40415 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6041 |
Jo |
No, child. No. It's over. Now I gotta find a replacement for my replacement. |
| 40416 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Jo |
You three are my search committee. You're in charge of finding me my next manager. All righty? |
| 40417 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Gabe |
Yep. |
| 40418 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 40419 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Jo |
Till then, we need a new acting manager. Now, who's got the most experience in this office? |
| 40420 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Toby |
Uh, well, we probably don't want to go just on seniority. |
| 40421 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6042 |
Jo |
Who is it? |
| 40422 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6043 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. What's up? |
| 40423 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6043 |
Dwight |
Shut up. |
| 40424 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6043 |
Jim |
Well, you do know that Jo was right to take the job away from you, right? There's no debating that. But, I will say... in your one week, every single one of the orders went out on time. And I think that is shagadelic, baby. |
| 40425 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Four, one, seven, one... |
| 40426 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Kevin |
Another one? |
| 40427 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Darryl, Angela |
Yes! |
| 40428 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Seven, two... |
| 40429 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Oscar |
Could you turn the volume down on the beeping? |
| 40430 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Six, nine, shut up, Oscar. Eight... |
| 40431 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Darryl |
Nine first. |
| 40432 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Nine, eight, five... |
| 40433 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 40434 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Three, zero, zero. Again, zero. Four, six... |
| 40435 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 40436 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
Two, one... |
| 40437 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Kevin |
Oh, I hit three. I hit three. |
| 40438 |
7 |
24 |
Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager |
6044 |
Angela |
God! |
| 40439 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6045 |
Creed |
It's a beautiful morning at Dunder-Mifflin, or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. Keep it running. |
| 40440 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6046 |
Creed |
Do I love being manager?... I love my kids. I love real estate. I love ceramics. I love my job. I-I love wrestling. |
| 40441 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6047 |
Creed |
Find out what language this is. |
| 40442 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6048 |
Creed |
Okay, team building! On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy, and this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed... |
| 40443 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6049 |
Jim |
He never called a meeting. |
| 40444 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6050 |
Creed |
BO-BODDY! BO-BODDY. What does the first "B" stand for? |
| 40445 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6050 |
Pam |
What are we doing? |
| 40446 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6050 |
Creed |
We're making acronyms. Okay! What does the first "B" stand for? |
| 40447 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6050 |
Kevin |
Um... Business! |
| 40448 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6050 |
Creed |
I like it! Business! Good, Kevin! All right! The "O"... |
| 40449 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6051 |
Pam |
We need a new manager. |
| 40450 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
Your paper experience is very interesting. Do you think you could use that experience to inform decisions here? |
| 40451 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred Henry |
Absolutely--I, yes. In fact, I actually have a three-step plan that I believe could effectively double your profits. |
| 40452 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 40453 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Yeah. |
| 40454 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
...What is it? |
| 40455 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Nice try. |
| 40456 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Toby |
I'm sorry, what is your three-step plan? |
| 40457 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Well, I mean, I can't just hand you my plan. I mean, if you guys give me the job, then, then you'll get the plan. |
| 40458 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Gabe |
Well... it's an interview, and we don't know that you really have the plan. |
| 40459 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Well, I'm not gonna just make up that I have a plan. I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. You're in paper, right? |
| 40460 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Gabe |
How would we know that, if you don't... |
| 40461 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
You could just be saying it to get the job. |
| 40462 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
I guess I could be, if I was... who would do that? |
| 40463 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
How about this. Why don't you give us a part of the plan, and that way we know you have it. |
| 40464 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Tell you what. I'll give you part three of part two. Not gonna give you a whole part. |
| 40465 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40466 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
Color-code sent documents, TM. |
| 40467 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Jim |
Did you just trademark that... |
| 40468 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Toby |
W-What? |
| 40469 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6052 |
Fred |
That's a verbal trademark. That's an agreement. |
| 40470 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6053 |
Jim |
We are the Search Committee, hand-picked by our CEO, and tasked to find this branch's new manager. Not everyone we meet will be good, but someone's bound to be, right? And, to be honest, I think a lot of the decent candidates are right here in-house, so, I'm not too worried. But I'm really excited to spend a lot of time with Toby and Gabe. Did you know that Gabe's last name was Lewis? I had no idea. |
| 40471 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Stanley |
Good morning. |
| 40472 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Darryl |
Good morning. |
| 40473 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Phyllis |
Good morning. |
| 40474 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Darryl |
Good morning. |
| 40475 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Phyllis |
Did you have a nice drive in? |
| 40476 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6054 |
Darryl |
I did. |
| 40477 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6055 |
Darryl |
I have a solid relationship with Jo, the company's owner. I have management experience. I have a good friendship with Jim, the head of the Search Committee, and it doesn't hurt that I'm... bla-aaack! |
| 40478 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Erin |
It's good. I really hope you get it! |
| 40479 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Andy |
The manager job? Nah, I'm barely interested. I just can't not go for it. You know, it's not the Bernard way. We give it the old college try, and then, in defeat, we show grace. |
| 40480 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Erin |
Still, I'd really like to see this office with you in the boss's chair. |
| 40481 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Andy |
Don't even... EEEHHHH!!!! |
| 40482 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Erin |
You in the boss's chair! |
| 40483 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6056 |
Andy |
EEEHHH!! No. Hehe. |
| 40484 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6057 |
Andy |
In my family, you don't really go out and get things. If you want something, you write it on a list, and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it, on Wednesdays and Fridays. So, I don't know, I guess you could say this job is on my list, and... we'll see what Rosa comes back with. |
| 40485 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6058 |
Erin |
Did you hear anything? |
| 40486 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6058 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I'm sure they'll let us know when they get the results. |
| 40487 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Phyllis |
It turns out that Erin was born in the basic time and region that I gave away a child. |
| 40488 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Erin |
So, Phyllis might be my mom. I mean, the chances are tiny, but... |
| 40489 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Phyllis |
But, probably not, I mean, it was a big year for babies. Porky's had come out. |
| 40490 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Erin |
Yeah. I'm sure I was just another Porky's baby. |
| 40491 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Phyllis |
Mm. |
| 40492 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Erin |
But why not find out. |
| 40493 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6059 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 40494 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6060 |
Pam |
Should you really be so blatant about that? |
| 40495 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6060 |
Dwight |
They won't make me manager, and I won't settle for anything less. I've gone about as far as I can here. That's obvious. Time to take my talents elsewhere. |
| 40496 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6060 |
Pam |
Are you really going to apply for work at Scranton Breadworks? |
| 40497 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6060 |
Dwight |
Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it. |
| 40498 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6061 |
Warren Buffett |
Can you do any better on salary? |
| 40499 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6061 |
Jim |
Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate. |
| 40500 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6061 |
Warren |
What about mileage when I use my car? I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know. |
| 40501 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6061 |
Jim |
Heh. We think that 25 cents a mile is pretty generous. |
| 40502 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6061 |
Warren |
How about 27? And uh, when I make long-distance calls, will they be monitored or is it on the honor system? |
| 40503 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6062 |
Angela |
Okay. How odd, a very unusual phone call from the Senator's office. The Senator wants me to have lunch with him at The Botanical Gardens. |
| 40504 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6062 |
Kevin |
The Botanical Gardens, Scranton's hidden gem. Don't eat any berries you don't recognize. |
| 40505 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Toby |
How will your experience selling refinery equipment translate to our smaller scale here? |
| 40506 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
You don't work in sales, do you. |
| 40507 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Toby |
Uh... Human Resources. |
| 40508 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don't be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only... s*x. Everything... is s*x. You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth,... Toby. |
| 40509 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 40510 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Gabe |
Okay, I-I am, I'm almost a little concerned that you might be overqualified for the position. Do you, um, do you think that you are? |
| 40511 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
Do I look like someone who would waste my own time? |
| 40512 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Gabe |
No. |
| 40513 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Jim |
Can you... You are a man of great confidence. Could you speak a little more to that, and, what the role of confidence... would be... in a dialogue with a subordinate? |
| 40514 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me. |
| 40515 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 40516 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object... whether it will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we've had already, you won't be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim? |
| 40517 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 40518 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6063 |
Robert |
Yes. You do. |
| 40519 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6064 |
Jim |
He creeps me out. But, I think he might be a genius. |
| 40520 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6065 |
Andy |
Good luck, Darryl. |
| 40521 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6065 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 40522 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
Think about it! What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk. |
| 40523 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 40524 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
So this is cool. I think we make a good fit. |
| 40525 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Gabe |
Oh? Uh... we haven't started the interview yet. Were you--were you joking? |
| 40526 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
Uh... yes?! I was. Little joke! |
| 40527 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Toby |
So, how would you go about settling interpersonal conflicts within the office? |
| 40528 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
I thought that was your job. |
| 40529 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Toby |
Well, it's one of my strengths, but it's the manager's job. |
| 40530 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Jim |
Well, for instance, how did you deal with it when two warehouse guys got into a fight? |
| 40531 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
I'll answer that, Jim. I would use it as an opportunity to teach, uh, about actions... and consequences... of actions. |
| 40532 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
Who's that? |
| 40533 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Jim |
So I think all we need is a resume, and we'll be good right? |
| 40534 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
I... I just thought you knew me. |
| 40535 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Jim |
Yeah, it's no big deal, just something that looks like that. Cool? |
| 40536 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6066 |
Darryl |
Let me... Oh. Cool. |
| 40537 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6067 |
Merv |
Did, uh, you just interview? |
| 40538 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6067 |
Robert |
Ohh, unfortunately, yes. |
| 40539 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6067 |
Merv |
What do you mean? |
| 40540 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6067 |
Robert |
That business can't attract anyone. It's awful up there. Those people seem like they're in prison, waiting out life sentences in a... dying industry. |
| 40541 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6067 |
Merv |
Place must be horrible. I don't know if I want this job. |
| 40542 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6068 |
Merv |
Well, if I get this job offer, and then I know that I'm gonna take it, and if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit, and then 25 years are gonna go by and... I'm gonna die here. |
| 40543 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Dwight |
What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? What are you doing..? Stop trying to figure me out. |
| 40544 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Robert |
I just did. |
| 40545 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Dwight |
You can't. |
| 40546 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Robert |
It's done. |
| 40547 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Dwight |
No, it's not. |
| 40548 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Robert |
I know you now, your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing. : You don't know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head!] |
| 40549 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Dwight |
Stop trying to figure me out. Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made? |
| 40550 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Robert |
I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street. |
| 40551 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6069 |
Dwight |
Get out. |
| 40552 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6070 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work with their weak, passionless leadership. Do you see my hat? No? That's because I just threw it in the ring. |
| 40553 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Merv |
You guys pay for relocation, though, right? |
| 40554 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Toby |
Well, why would you need relocation, if you already live in Scranton? |
| 40555 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Merv |
Well, I'd want to move further away, you know? Just... I don't want any chance to run into my co-workers outside the office. |
| 40556 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Jim |
Can I ask why you're leaving your current job? |
| 40557 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Merv |
I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks, really. You know, all of 'em. You had your jerk-wads, and your jerk-offs, so, just between the wads and the offs, I just... I had to get outta there. |
| 40558 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Jim |
Is this a bad time to be doing this? |
| 40559 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Merv |
I'm having a bad time. |
| 40560 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Toby |
I'm sorry, if we did something to upset you, I'm sure it was inadvertent. |
| 40561 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6071 |
Merv |
Wait. |
| 40562 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6072 |
Merv |
Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? These are the nicest people I ever met. |
| 40563 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6073 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 40564 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Pam |
It's gorgeous, Angela. |
| 40565 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Kelly |
Yeah, I actually know about nice rings and it is gorgeous. |
| 40566 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Meredith |
Wow... |
| 40567 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Angela |
It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I? Naomi Judd? |
| 40568 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Meredith |
Tell us the freaking story! |
| 40569 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Kevin |
Yeah! Tell us a story. |
| 40570 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Angela |
Okay. He took me to the replica of Monet's Japanese bridge, and then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally, I would hate, 'cause it's so civil rightsy. Then he got down on one knee, and he said, will you be a Senator's wife? |
| 40571 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Pam |
Oh-ho-ho! He talked about himself in the third person? |
| 40572 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Angela |
Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. Oh, hey Pam, dude, whatever, wanna marry me? |
| 40573 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Pam |
That's not accurate. |
| 40574 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6074 |
Angela |
Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying, even his aide. |
| 40575 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6075 |
Oscar |
Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. But overall, horrified. |
| 40576 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6076 |
Jim |
Andy? You all set? |
| 40577 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6076 |
Andy |
Okay, guys, it's time. It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear. |
| 40578 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6076 |
Phyllis |
Are you sure this is a good idea? I hate to see you disappointed. |
| 40579 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6076 |
Andy |
Augh. |
| 40580 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6077 |
Erin |
I think Andy should be the boss. He's just so great. If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course. |
| 40581 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Jim |
So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager? |
| 40582 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Andy |
For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here... |
| 40583 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Gabe |
Whoa! That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby. |
| 40584 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Andy |
I wasn't acc-, accusing... |
| 40585 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Gabe |
Well, Toby's in charge of Human Resources, that would include communication. I think that Toby's done a fine job. |
| 40586 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Andy |
Right! I really wasn't trying to insult any, anyone. |
| 40587 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6078 |
Toby |
I didn't think you were. |
| 40588 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6079 |
Gabe |
I have two relationships with Andy. I have a personal relationship, and I have a professional relationship. Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat, and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin. Professionally,... he broke up the happiest couple in this office! |
| 40589 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Gabe |
How many windows are there in New York City? |
| 40590 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Andy |
What? |
| 40591 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Gabe |
Critical thinking. Common, on-the-spot question asked in an interview. |
| 40592 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Andy |
Okay. Let me think... are you counting car windows? |
| 40593 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Gabe |
No... How far away is the Sun? |
| 40594 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Andy |
Uh, 93 million miles. |
| 40595 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Jim |
Is it? |
| 40596 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Andy |
Yeah! And the diameter of the Sun is 870,000 miles, which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth, and... 333,000 times heavier than the Earth,... |
| 40597 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6080 |
Gabe |
Shut up about the Sun! SHUT UP about the SUN! |
| 40598 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6081 |
Andy |
I am unhappy with the confusing and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I WANTED IT TO GO BETTER!! |
| 40599 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6082 |
Darryl |
Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say "Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help? I believe his name was... Clippy. |
| 40600 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6083 |
Creed |
First of all, I want to thank you for your years of patronizing our company. I've got some bad news. We're going out of business. Saving face. Yep, yep. I understand that. Basically everything is falling apart here. Pam looks around the office and realizes only she has overheard this] |
| 40601 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6084 |
Pam |
How is this on me? |
| 40602 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6085 |
Pam |
Hang up. Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there were at least seven. |
| 40603 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6085 |
Creed |
Okay I already see one, gimme. Okay. |
| 40604 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6086 |
Pam |
They're the same picture. |
| 40605 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Kelly |
Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, god, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way. |
| 40606 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Jim |
Your department's just you, right? |
| 40607 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Kelly |
Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. |
| 40608 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Gabe |
Great! Um, can we just... |
| 40609 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Kelly |
What was that? |
| 40610 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Gabe |
We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so... |
| 40611 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Kelly |
Am I not a serious candidate? |
| 40612 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Gabe |
What do you want me to say? I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. We have a video CV from England. Are we all just gonna pretend to-- okay. Um, what are your weaknesses? |
| 40613 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Kelly |
I don't have any, assh***. |
| 40614 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6087 |
Dwight |
I want an interview. |
| 40615 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
How's the family? |
| 40616 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Good! |
| 40617 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Good. They good? |
| 40618 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 40619 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
What's your daughter's name again? Peepee? |
| 40620 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Peepa. |
| 40621 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Peepa, how is she? |
| 40622 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 40623 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Great! Oh, that's great... We never were very good at small talk, were we, Jim? |
| 40624 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
No. |
| 40625 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Now, listen,... |
| 40626 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
You're not getting an interview, Dwight. The whole point of this Search Committee process is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again. |
| 40627 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Okay, I know why you're saying that, Jim, I really do, but think of it this way. The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel. |
| 40628 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Okay. That's vivid. |
| 40629 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
I'm going to make you an offer. Okay? You even do so little as grant me an interview, I will guarantee you your dream work life. Okay? You roll in at 10 a.m. to your own private reserved parking spot, pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, unlimited s*x breaks for you and Pam... |
| 40630 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Yikes. |
| 40631 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment. |
| 40632 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Well, you know how I like taking bribes. |
| 40633 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Ha ha! |
| 40634 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Unfortunately, Jo also took the job away from you because she doesn't trust your judgment. So how would that look for me, if I recommended you? |
| 40635 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Fine. I'll do it without you, but you'll regret this. |
| 40636 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40637 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Let me get that for you. |
| 40638 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 40639 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6088 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 40640 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Oscar |
Pam... I think Robert is gay. |
| 40641 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Pam |
The Senator? He was married before, and he has a kid. |
| 40642 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Oscar |
So!? |
| 40643 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Pam |
And don't say that thing about how lots of gay guys have kids. |
| 40644 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Oscar |
I have a very strong suspicion. |
| 40645 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Pam |
Did you see him at a bathhouse? |
| 40646 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Oscar |
What bathhouse? |
| 40647 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Pam |
The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins. |
| 40648 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 40649 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6089 |
Pam |
Forget it. I'm never gonna know what goes on there. |
| 40650 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Oscar |
My friend at the Scranton Blade is totally plugged into these matters. |
| 40651 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Pam |
You're in the gay mafia. |
| 40652 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Oscar |
You're thinking of another group. Much wealthier, much older. You sound ignorant. |
| 40653 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Ryan |
You guys, um, talking Senator? |
| 40654 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Pam |
No. |
| 40655 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Oscar |
No. Why would we be talking about the Senator? |
| 40656 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6090 |
Ryan |
'Cause he's totally gay? |
| 40657 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6091 |
Ryan |
Um, how do I know that Robert is gay? He "liked" my facebook photos at 3 o'clock in the morning. |
| 40658 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6092 |
David Brent |
Name? David Brent. Occupation? Inspirer. Status? None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking. Hear you're looking for a new boss. Yeah? Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, underencouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be? Want me to fire them, if they don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. What? You've changed your mind? You're now looking for a leader of men? Ipso facto, women too. When do I start? Yeah. |
| 40659 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Phyllis |
Do you know what it took to get Bob to notice me? I waited in his office every morning wearing nothing but kitty-cat ears. I did that every day for two weeks. And on the tenth day he walked in, he was naked too, except a dog nose. Guess what we did then? |
| 40660 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Erin |
I... I don't think I can do that. |
| 40661 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Phyllis |
Bestiality. Yeah. |
| 40662 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Erin |
Well, that's not my personality. |
| 40663 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Phyllis |
If my daughter were asking me... |
| 40664 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Erin |
Yes? |
| 40665 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6093 |
Phyllis |
I would say, if you want someone, if you really want them,... go get them. |
| 40666 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6094 |
Erin |
I do really want him. |
| 40667 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
So, uh... here you go. |
| 40668 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 40669 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
Hope it's all right. |
| 40670 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
I'm sure it's fine. |
| 40671 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
The guy who was in here earlier, interviewed after me, how'd he do? |
| 40672 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
Howard Cline? |
| 40673 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
Ehh, that's not who I'm talking about. |
| 40674 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
Oh... Deshaun Williams. |
| 40675 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
Yes. How did he do? |
| 40676 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
He's an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser... |
| 40677 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Darryl |
Come on man. I'm being serious. Don't joke. |
| 40678 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6095 |
Jim |
Darryl! We all know you. Your interview is not nearly as important as the other guys. |
| 40679 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
First, I'll take down the cubicle walls. |
| 40680 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Toby |
But there aren't... |
| 40681 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Symbol of transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone would have the same job. Same goes for me. I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title. |
| 40682 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Gabe |
A little un-specific. |
| 40683 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Everyone would be known for their accomplishments. |
| 40684 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Jim |
That's very interesting. Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there, and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with? |
| 40685 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Ooh? Yeah. Mm. Scratch everything from before. I tell you what I'd do. Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss, and that person can fire the person below them. At least once a month, the lowest performing person... bye bye! |
| 40686 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Gabe |
How would you compare, like, an accountant and HR? |
| 40687 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Well, I'll tell you how. Shall I? I'll tell you how. |
| 40688 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Gabe |
Okay. |
| 40689 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
By splitting the difference. Just... just, somewhere in the middle. |
| 40690 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Jim |
I think that's probably all we need to hear from... |
| 40691 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Zen office. Hmm? Thought of that? That's what I'd do. Everyone takes their shoes off, before they come in. Okay. There'd be no desks. You just sit on the floor. |
| 40692 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Jim |
That's very... |
| 40693 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
You've got a Thai woman, out in the back. Sockee! Sockee! |
| 40694 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Gabe |
Okay, that's not gonna be... |
| 40695 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6096 |
Nellie |
Sockee!... is her name. Okay? Shes administering massage, all right, if you need it. If you don't, whatever, just talk to her! She's a person! Either way, 50 minutes of that and you...you are cracking to go. |
| 40696 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Oscar |
Is there a front runner? |
| 40697 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Jim |
You know what? They all just sort of blend together after a while. |
| 40698 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Oscar |
Well, there must be someone who stands out. |
| 40699 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Jim |
No, not at all. In fact, I'm not even taking it seriously. I think at the end of the day, I'm just gonna pick a name out of the hat. |
| 40700 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Oscar |
Well... |
| 40701 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Stanley |
The hell you will! I worked for the last boss for 15 years. According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years if I want to keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, which I intend to. |
| 40702 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Ryan |
Oh no, Stanley... you'll live forever... |
| 40703 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Stanley |
My next boss will be my last boss. He'll be at my funeral. So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously. |
| 40704 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Jim |
Uh-- |
| 40705 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Meredith |
You pick a crappy boss, you're responsible for my crappy life. |
| 40706 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Jim |
Okay, everybody, I was just making a joke. I am taking it seriously, I promise. |
| 40707 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Oscar |
Are you? |
| 40708 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6097 |
Ryan |
Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim schtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels... James. |
| 40709 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Gabe, honey! Oh, lord. Take all this. |
| 40710 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Gabe |
All right. |
| 40711 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Here. Jim! Did you hear Stern this morning? |
| 40712 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jim |
No, was it good? |
| 40713 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Ohh, Robin was good. She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. Its Howard's show though. Whose is this? Darryl Philbin. Ohh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. Ah... a little long aren't we? Four pages? Is this the same Darryl Philbin who's had two jobs in ten years at one company? |
| 40714 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Darryl |
Yes, thanks to you, who promoted me, after we, uh, interfaced. |
| 40715 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Coordinated and implemented receipt storage and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory. 2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5 billion units of what? |
| 40716 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Darryl |
Paper material, ma'am. |
| 40717 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Paper material? |
| 40718 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Darryl |
Pieces of paper. |
| 40719 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Dwight |
Jo, may I speak to you for a second? |
| 40720 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Or what? You gonna shoot me? |
| 40721 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Dwight |
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ohh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes, because I've learned so much from them. I'd like to be interviewed for the position. |
| 40722 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
I'll interview you right now. |
| 40723 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 40724 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Question 1. Ever shot a gun in the office? |
| 40725 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Dwight |
It's complicated. |
| 40726 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6098 |
Jo |
Yeah, but see... it's not. |
| 40727 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Phyllis |
I don't think we should tell her. Angela went a whole day without telling me I had lettuce in my teeth. Screw her. |
| 40728 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Pam |
I'm a woman. I would want to know. |
| 40729 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Meredith |
Yeah, you gotta know. |
| 40730 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Kevin |
Okay, but if Angela can get a gay man to marry her, maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me? Huh? Huh? That's hot. |
| 40731 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Oscar |
You have met a lesbian in real life, right? |
| 40732 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Phyllis |
You know, this is probably is her last chance at a family. |
| 40733 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Pam |
She does seem happy. |
| 40734 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Oscar |
You're right. You're right. She seems happy. We don't tell her. |
| 40735 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Kevin |
We don't tell her. |
| 40736 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6099 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 40737 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6100 |
Kelly |
Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word? |
| 40738 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6100 |
Jo |
Okay. |
| 40739 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6100 |
Kelly |
Uh,... can it be in private? Don't worry, it's not about you. As Minority Executive, I think it's my responsibility to let you know that Gabe is gross. I don't think it's professional that he was sleeping with the receptionist, and then when Erin dumped him, so that she could be with Andy, he became a total crazy stalker psycho. |
| 40740 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6100 |
Jo |
Welcome to Scranton, Jo. Land of a thousand problems only you can fix. Oh for god's sake. He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me ten cents a piece, you jackass! I'm roaming! |
| 40741 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Creed |
Get me our biggest client on the phone, right this instant. |
| 40742 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Jordan |
Who is our biggest client? |
| 40743 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Pam |
Uh, just put him through to me. |
| 40744 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Jordan |
Okay. |
| 40745 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Pam |
Hello! This is... the client. |
| 40746 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Creed |
It's Creed. FYI, I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps, you in? |
| 40747 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 40748 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Creed |
Hehehe, cool. Let's keep this on the QT, okay? I uh, I don't want you to be a dead mamma jamma. |
| 40749 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 40750 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Creed |
All right, thank you, bye-bye. |
| 40751 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6101 |
Pam |
Thank you, bye-bye. |
| 40752 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Erin |
Jo, you have one more candidate. He's a burn victim. |
| 40753 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
Huh? |
| 40754 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Erin |
He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost if you want. |
| 40755 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
No, send him in. Who is this? |
| 40756 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Gabe |
I have no idea. |
| 40757 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
Oh, I know this guy. Hello! Mr. "Soo-ven-yay." Mr. "Jacques Soo-ven-yay." Nice to meet you. It says here you're French. So you worked at your last job for 15 years as Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
| 40758 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 40759 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
| 40760 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 40761 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
What is it? |
| 40762 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Assistant Regional Manager. |
| 40763 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
Oh, that's my mistake, sorry about that. The last paper company you worked for burned to the ground? And all because they wouldn't hire a manager who lived and breathed paper? That's a travesty. |
| 40764 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
I want to talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. I want to ask him a question. If he isn't here in sixty seconds... |
| 40765 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Uhh. Wait. Wait! No. Stop! Stop. Jo... It's me. I'm Dwight. |
| 40766 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
No. No! Wait, but, I mean, you're Dwight, and then... he's the... |
| 40767 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 40768 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jim |
Ohhhh! |
| 40769 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Gabe |
Very unprofessional, "Jacques." Or, should I say, Dwight. |
| 40770 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
Let's just say I had hired this Jack Souvenir. Then what? |
| 40771 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
I would have dressed this way every day, legally changed my name, learned French sign language, shown up, and been the best damn branch manager you'd ever seen! |
| 40772 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
All that for this job. |
| 40773 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 40774 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6102 |
Jo |
That's f***ing crazy. Get outta here. What a nutjob. |
| 40775 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jim |
This guy was good. Although, he did keep saying that he needed two weeks off right at the beginning for a trip to the finger lakes. Seriously. Every five minutes, he was like, "just making sure the finger lakes thing is clear." |
| 40776 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
Okay, it's fun to talk about the rejects, but uh, who's got ya excited? |
| 40777 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jim |
Finger Lakes guy is good. Darryl is also very good. |
| 40778 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
Who's this fella? Went to Cornell. What's wrong with him? |
| 40779 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Gabe |
How much time do you have? Sales ability? None. Integrity? See sales ability. |
| 40780 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
And that's your unbiased opinion. |
| 40781 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Gabe |
Yes, it is. |
| 40782 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you? |
| 40783 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Gabe |
Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the workpl-. Is she with him? Because I thought that she was... |
| 40784 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
Gabe...ugh... you got all close to these people. Got involved in their lives. Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you. |
| 40785 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Gabe |
That sounds like a promotion! |
| 40786 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
It's not. Let's get Kelly in here to take his place. |
| 40787 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jim |
Um... why Kelly? |
| 40788 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jo |
'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. I'm doing an opposites thing. |
| 40789 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6103 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40790 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jo |
How'd my girl Nellie do? |
| 40791 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jim |
Oh, I didn't know you knew her? |
| 40792 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jo |
She didn't mention it? |
| 40793 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jim |
No. |
| 40794 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jo |
Integrity move. I like it. |
| 40795 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jim |
You know, she also gave me a reason to think that maybe she wasn't a good fit. |
| 40796 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6104 |
Jo |
Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. Just make sure they fit real good. No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. And give Dwight an interview. I like a little bit of crazy. |
| 40797 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Erin |
Ahh! |
| 40798 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Oscar |
Erin, what are you doing? |
| 40799 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Erin |
I've been turned into a puppet! |
| 40800 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Oscar |
Okay. |
| 40801 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Kevin |
Look at the puppet! Hi, puppet! Who are you? |
| 40802 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Erin |
I went to drop off the FedEx forms and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet! |
| 40803 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Low blow, puppet. |
| 40804 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6105 |
Erin |
And there's only one thing that can change me back into a real girl. |
| 40805 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6106 |
Kevin |
It's good. It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me... but, if any kids are watching... A, B, and so forth. You know,... M-N-L-O, P... F... |
| 40806 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Erin |
I need the most special thing in the office. |
| 40807 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Dwight |
Silence? |
| 40808 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Erin |
A date with the best salesman... Andy Bernard! |
| 40809 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Andy |
Hey, Erin. |
| 40810 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 40811 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Andy |
Where'd you learn how to puppet like that? |
| 40812 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Erin |
I've done it all my life. |
| 40813 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6107 |
Andy |
Listen, I'm really flattered, but I don't think we should. |
| 40814 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6108 |
Andy |
Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down, but... when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? Aren't there some things that you really want to like, but you just can't... seem to like it, like, Mad Men... or football... Let's not forget, Erin chose Gabe over me. That happened. I'm not going to apologize for getting over her, okay? I'm sorry. I would go for someone who's more... she's great, though. |
| 40815 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Angela |
Stanley, I won't be able to invite everyone to the wedding, because we want to keep it to 350. |
| 40816 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Stanley |
I'll get over it. |
| 40817 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Angela |
I mean, we just have to see how many Senators and members of Congress want to attend, before we can open it up to regular people. Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford? |
| 40818 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Pam |
That was our dream wedding. |
| 40819 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Angela |
Niagara Falls? Pregnant? That was your dream? Pork medallions? |
| 40820 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Pam |
I hope... you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela. |
| 40821 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6109 |
Angela |
Hmm. |
| 40822 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
All right. Name. |
| 40823 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. |
| 40824 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
Thank you, Mr. Schnoot. We will let you know. |
| 40825 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
You have to interview me... |
| 40826 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
I just did. The answer to that one question told me everything I need to know. |
| 40827 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
I demand more questions! |
| 40828 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
All right, guys, good day, a lot of candidates. Let's discuss. |
| 40829 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
Okay! If you're not going to interview me, then I'll do it. |
| 40830 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 40831 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
What will be your first priority? I will have seven first priorities. Safety, profits, fostering a community of self-reliance and entrepreneurship, listening, respect for human life, bolstering our public image, and... getting everyone home on time. Dwight, let me be frank. In an accident that no one can blame you for, an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. How are we ever to trust you again? That's a great question. I am going to institute a strict no-firearms policy for this office that extends to myself as well. Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing. |
| 40832 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
Thank you, Dwight. |
| 40833 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Dwight |
Thank you. You'll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, and I think you're gonna like the call you're going to receive. Oh, come on. I'm just happy that I got this meeting. |
| 40834 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
Well, that was quick. |
| 40835 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Kelly |
Very, very interesting. And you know what? I'm impressed. |
| 40836 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
He's not a real candidate. |
| 40837 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Kelly |
I don't know, Jim, 'cause, makes me think about something my grandfather used to say, which is that, sometimes, the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat; that is the hand that you want on the wheel. |
| 40838 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
You took the deal. |
| 40839 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Kelly |
Yeah, it was a great deal. |
| 40840 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
That's not okay. |
| 40841 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Kelly |
I don't know. Dwight seems like a great leader to me, and I look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. What do you think, Toby? |
| 40842 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Toby |
Well, we could try him out for a little while... and if it doesn't work out, you know, maybe one of us could, you know, step in... |
| 40843 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6110 |
Jim |
What is happening right now? |
| 40844 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Phyllis |
Is it true that you're making Dwight the manager? |
| 40845 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
No, why would you think that? |
| 40846 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Phyllis |
He and Kelly said, then they pre-fired me. |
| 40847 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Okay. Okay, guys, just so you all know, no decision has been made, and Dwight is definitely not the boss. |
| 40848 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kelly |
That is correct. Actually, Dwight is not the manager yet. |
| 40849 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
No, no, no. Not ever, 'cause that's not gonna happen. |
| 40850 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Dwight |
Well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? Seems to me like someone's getting a little power-mad. |
| 40851 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Am I the only one who remembers what he did when he was in charge? I feel like I'm going a little bit crazy. |
| 40852 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Andy |
Tuna... You're completely sane. |
| 40853 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 40854 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Andy |
Who do you like for the job? Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first, but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice? |
| 40855 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Okay, seems like everybody has an opinion. So, who else? Anybody? |
| 40856 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kevin |
Do you mean it? Anybody? Are you sure? |
| 40857 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
I suppose I am. |
| 40858 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kevin |
Okay... well what do 'I' want in a manager?... let me see. what do 'I' want?... |
| 40859 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Oscar |
I don't think he meant, that-- |
| 40860 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kevin |
So now anyone gets to talk at any times? |
| 40861 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Oscar |
Go ahead. |
| 40862 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kevin |
What do 'I' want?... I'm looking for someone... who... Everyone is listening to me. |
| 40863 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Oscar |
Can I say...? |
| 40864 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 40865 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Oscar |
I think it should be Darryl. |
| 40866 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 40867 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Dwight |
What a surprise! Minorities sticking together. |
| 40868 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Oscar |
Kelly's on your side. |
| 40869 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Kelly |
I'm sorry, is that all you think of me? A minority? I am so much more than that. I am a dancer, I'm a singer, I'm a fashion designer. |
| 40870 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Andy |
Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. Kind a a non-threatening, moderate personality. |
| 40871 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Ryan |
I want an outsider. |
| 40872 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Jim |
Perfect. There are several outside candidates that we think would be really- |
| 40873 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Ryan |
No, I mean an outsider. Like someone on the margins of society, who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person. |
| 40874 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Pam |
A homeless person. Really? A homeless person. |
| 40875 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Ryan |
No, you're right, Pam, let's just leave him to the welfare system and let that handle it. |
| 40876 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Pam |
No, I want you to say that you think the 'best' person to be our new manager is a homeless person. |
| 40877 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6111 |
Ryan |
Let me guess who you want, Pam. Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View? |
| 40878 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6112 |
Ryan |
I got away with... everything, under the last boss, and it wasn't good for me, at all. So, I want guidance. I want leadership. But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. Lead me... when I'm in the mood... to be led. |
| 40879 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Meredith |
I just want, for once, a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his forties. |
| 40880 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Jim |
Hey! Hey! Hey! |
| 40881 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Meredith |
Okay, fine. Uhh, the guy with a tiny pen1s. Are you happy? Let's hire that guy! |
| 40882 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Andy |
She may have a point there... would a small pen1s work? Small-to-moderate. |
| 40883 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Gabe |
Gotta catch a plane. |
| 40884 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Pam |
Ohh, hey Gabe, I'm sorry, we... we didn't get you a cake or anything. We're gonna miss you. |
| 40885 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Gabe |
Oh, well I'm still the corporate liaison to the branch. |
| 40886 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Kelly |
You are not leaving without giving me a hug. Ughh. |
| 40887 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Gabe |
Okay, you know what, you don't need to make that sound. |
| 40888 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Kelly |
I'm sorry! You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be! |
| 40889 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Gabe |
There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger. I've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they want to do. I will see you all soon. |
| 40890 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Kevin |
Later, man. |
| 40891 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
All |
Good luck! Goodbye! Good luck at your new job. |
| 40892 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Ryan |
Take care, man. |
| 40893 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Dwight |
We're gonna miss you, Gabe. |
| 40894 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Andy |
Uh, listen up. Listen up, ladies. I want the job. There, I said it. I'm educated. I'm capable. I like all of you... and I won't make any changes. |
| 40895 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Erin |
I see it. I see it like I see a mountain that I'm standing in front of and facing, and I'm like... |
| 40896 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6113 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. Yeah, Andy would be wonderful as boss. Erin made a good point. |
| 40897 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6114 |
Phyllis |
No, we're not related. I got the call. But... I'll tell her some other day. |
| 40898 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jim |
What about Darryl? We can all agree that he's a stand-up guy, right? |
| 40899 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Angela |
Well, let me be clear. I only speak for myself, and not myself and the Senator. I think we have some wonderful candidates, and there's a great, lively debate here, but let's think about- |
| 40900 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Toby |
No, no,... no. Sorry. We cut Kevin off for the same thing. You have to have something to say, if you talk. |
| 40901 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Kevin |
Exactly. |
| 40902 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Darryl |
Jada, no, no, no, Jada, what are you doing? Oh. So sorry, guys. I hope my family didn't disrupt your meeting. |
| 40903 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jada |
Daddy, are these the people who are making you manager? |
| 40904 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Darryl |
Maybe, sweetheart. Single dad. Challenges. |
| 40905 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jada |
I don't know if he'd be a good manager , but he's a really great dad! |
| 40906 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Darryl |
Okay, shush it. This was a mistake. Let's go. |
| 40907 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Phyllis |
It seems like we all know enough to vote. Should we just vote now? |
| 40908 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jim |
What? No, no, it's not a vote. |
| 40909 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Phyllis |
Then what was this all about? |
| 40910 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jim |
I don't know. This conversation really got away from me. |
| 40911 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Kelly |
I don't care. They can just vote. |
| 40912 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6115 |
Jim |
No, they can't. That's not how this is gonna work. We're going in this room, we're going to have a meeting. We're gonna make a recommendation to Jo, and she's gonna give you her recommendation on Monday. Okay? What the hell happened out there? |
| 40913 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6116 |
Andy |
Sometimes you hear about people failing upwards. I think I'm about to do that. |
| 40914 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6117 |
Nellie |
This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it. Jo's an old friend. I think... I'm her best friend. She's not my best friend. |
| 40915 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6118 |
Darryl |
Every day I have a blueberry muffin. Today, I did not have a blueberry muffin. Should have had the blueberry muffin... especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am. |
| 40916 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6119 |
Fred |
No, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I will be the new boss of... Vance Refrigeration. |
| 40917 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6120 |
Merv |
Honestly, I think I... I sabotaged myself. It's like I'm afraid of being happy. Case in point... I was supposed to start another job today. |
| 40918 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6121 |
Robert |
I will get offered the job. That's a... call I've received many times. The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause... while they wait to hear my response, and then... my response. |
| 40919 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6122 |
Finger Lakes Guy |
I want the job. I really do. It's just, the rest of my family's in the Finger Lakes right now. I'm supposed to be in the Finger Lakes right now. I told them I was on a hike; snuck away to do this interview. I gotta get back pretty soon; they'll worry. People disappear in the Finger Lakes. |
| 40920 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6123 |
Dwight |
I will run this branch, or I will destroy this branch, or... I don't know. Something always works out. |
| 40921 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Creed |
You remind me so much of my fourth-biggest client. |
| 40922 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Is that right? |
| 40923 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Creed |
I think you two should meet. |
| 40924 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Well, okay! |
| 40925 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Creed |
Hey Jordana! Patch my ninth- and fourth-biggest clients together. |
| 40926 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Hello! |
| 40927 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Hello! |
| 40928 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Hi, how are ya? |
| 40929 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Ohho! I'm good! Don't you just love paper, and things about paper! |
| 40930 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Pam |
Hey, are you single? This seems like a love connection to me! |
| 40931 |
7 |
25 |
Search Committee (Parts 1&2) |
6124 |
Creed |
It's Kismet! |
| 40932 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6125 |
Oscar |
Oh, for God's sake. |
| 40933 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6126 |
Oscar |
Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet. |
| 40934 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6127 |
Erin |
Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it. |
| 40935 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6128 |
Andy |
After you my good sir. |
| 40936 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6128 |
Dwight |
No, I insist. |
| 40937 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6128 |
Andy |
I insist. |
| 40938 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6129 |
Jim |
The Search Committee finally decided, after a lot of deliberation, on Robert California... for the manager position. Who took one look around and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Joe to make him CEO... CEO... her own job. He talked her out of her own job. And I don't really know how someone does that. But, anyway, then the position was his to fill.  And he chose... |
| 40939 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6130 |
Andy |
I... it's unbelievable. True, I may have been the second choice, but I was the first-choice's first choice. And, about Dwight, I sensed that he might have some resentment about not getting the job so I sat him down and we had a talk. And I told him, "I need a really strong number two. I want you to be my enforcer." Smart, right? |
| 40940 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6130 |
Kelly |
(planking on top of cabinet] Very smart. |
| 40941 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6130 |
Andy |
Uh, this has got to stop. |
| 40942 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6130 |
Kelly |
I can't get down. |
| 40943 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6131 |
Dwight |
K... Kevin! |
| 40944 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6132 |
Dwight |
Yeah, at first, I was really disappointed, but I've got a great daily routine going right now. I have upped my karate to eight times a week. I've added boxing - lunches and on weekends. I do kickboxing three times a week. Krav Maga four times a week. An hour of meditation every morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah, I'm doin' great. |
| 40945 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6133 |
Dwight |
K, I'm gonna need some help. Pam? |
| 40946 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6133 |
Pam |
I don't think I should. |
| 40947 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6134 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah. Pregnant. |
| 40948 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6134 |
Pam |
Right here. Little Michael Scott- |
| 40949 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6134 |
Jim |
No, I told you I don't like that joke. It is a boy. We found out early. |
| 40950 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6134 |
Pam |
Much different the second time around. And I have to say; it is nice not being the only pregnant woman in the office. |
| 40951 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6135 |
Angela |
Look, it's a â˜Little Pregs' and â˜Big Pregs' |
| 40952 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6135 |
Pam |
Wait, when did we start calling it that- |
| 40953 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6135 |
Angela |
Isn't it amazing, the difference in our sizes? |
| 40954 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6135 |
Pam |
Well, I am a few months ahead of you. |
| 40955 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6135 |
Angela |
I am having a child with my husband, the Senator. And Pam is having a child with Jim... the great salesman. |
| 40956 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6136 |
Dwight |
Hoist him aloft. C'mon Darryl. Lift, lift Darryl. |
| 40957 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6136 |
Darryl |
I'm lifting. |
| 40958 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6137 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I wanted the manager job, but I got somethin' much better. This soda. This is mine. |
| 40959 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6138 |
Stanley |
It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt. |
| 40960 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6139 |
Stanley |
I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin'. I go on with a long description and then I say, "and shove it up your butt." It's stupid, but it's my thing now. |
| 40961 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6140 |
Jim |
No one should be planking at all. |
| 40962 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6140 |
Andy |
Thank you, yes. Dwight, my enforcer, my number two, can you take care of this? |
| 40963 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6140 |
Dwight |
Say no more. |
| 40964 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6141 |
Dwight |
Kids, don't try planking. It's dangerous. â˜Specially with me around. |
| 40965 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6142 |
Jim |
You watching that commercial again? Why do you keep watching it, if you know it's just gonna make you cry? |
| 40966 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6142 |
Pam |
Because everything makes me cry, so what's the difference? This dog, he just wants to protect his bone. |
| 40967 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6142 |
Jim |
He's got a bank vault. That's a start. |
| 40968 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6142 |
Pam |
Not enough though. |
| 40969 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6143 |
Jim |
The new CEO works out of the conference room about half the time. But whenever he takes a break, he does these weird walks around the office. And you never know who he's gonna zero in on for these really intense small-talks. You just hope it's not you. And yet, you hope it is you too. It's strange. |
| 40970 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Erin |
Here we go. |
| 40971 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Robert |
Hello. |
| 40972 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Erin |
Robert California. Let's have a conversation. |
| 40973 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Robert |
Describe your day so far. |
| 40974 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Erin |
Well, I woke up. And I hit the snooze- |
| 40975 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Robert |
And when you recount your day, never say you woke up. It's a waste of your time. That's how every day's begun, for everyone, since the dawn of man. |
| 40976 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Erin |
Very smart, very smart. Suddenly, I was awake. And I've been doing this thing- |
| 40977 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6144 |
Andy |
Hey, Robert. We have that 9:30am casual chit-chat scheduled. I emailed you about it last night to confirm. And again this morning. |
| 40978 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6145 |
Andy |
First item on the agenda: can I get everyone an extra long Columbus Day weekend. Item number two, connect with the guy. Robert California, what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting, we lost our biggest client. |
| 40979 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6146 |
Erin |
Pam, pam. Psst. Pam. |
| 40980 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6146 |
Pam |
Jim. |
| 40981 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6146 |
Jim |
Can I call you right back? Thank you very much. Okay. What is this? |
| 40982 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6147 |
Andy |
The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts? |
| 40983 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6147 |
Robert |
What are your thoughts. |
| 40984 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6147 |
Andy |
Just making chit-chat. Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no? |
| 40985 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
What are you looking at? |
| 40986 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
It's, it's nothing. |
| 40987 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
It can't be nothing. |
| 40988 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, it can't be nothing. |
| 40989 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
It's just a list of our names, split into two columns. |
| 40990 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Stanley |
What? |
| 40991 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
Okay, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. Do you have a pen? |
| 40992 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Erin |
No. |
| 40993 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
No. Okay. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Dwight, can you throw me my phone? |
| 40994 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
Nice catch. |
| 40995 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Pam |
If he comes out, distract him. |
| 40996 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Kevin |
We need a warning signal. |
| 40997 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
We don't need a warning signal, Kevin. We can see him right there- |
| 40998 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Kevin |
We do. |
| 40999 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
I promise you, we don't need a warning- |
| 41000 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Kevin |
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! |
| 41001 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Phyllis |
Ahhh! |
| 41002 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
Phyllis! Phyllis! You okay? You okay? |
| 41003 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. Yeah. Oh. |
| 41004 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
... 2, 3! |
| 41005 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Phyllis |
Thanks guys. |
| 41006 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
Okay, which side of the list am I on? |
| 41007 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
Left. |
| 41008 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 41009 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6148 |
Jim |
Why are you- How do you know? |
| 41010 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Andy |
Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much. Good work. |
| 41011 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Jim |
Uh, no, actually. That was in Robert's notebook. |
| 41012 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Pam |
He left it at reception and we photocopied it. |
| 41013 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Andy |
Oh, okay. I don't want any part of this. |
| 41014 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Pam |
Maybe it's a list of people he's gonna fire. |
| 41015 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6149 |
Jim |
Okay, it's not that Pam. You know, I was thinking it reminds me of those lists Dwight used to make. |
| 41016 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6150 |
Dwight |
This is if we were all on a cruise ship and had to divide into lifeboats. This is if we were on a cruise ship and had to divide into life rafts. Here's something. Who would eat who in an â˜Alive' situation. No... that can't be it. |
| 41017 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6150 |
Andy |
I gotta say. Kinda seems like the left side's the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam. |
| 41018 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6150 |
Jim |
I don't think it's- |
| 41019 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6150 |
Pam |
â˜Scuse me? |
| 41020 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6150 |
Dwight |
Shhh, Pam. C'mon, don't be such a right-sider. |
| 41021 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Angela |
Did you guys figure it out? |
| 41022 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Andy |
We couldn't crack it. |
| 41023 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Stanley |
Go in there and just ask the man what it means. |
| 41024 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Andy |
He'll know that we looked at his private notebook. |
| 41025 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Phyllis |
C'mon, just say you saw the list by accident. |
| 41026 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Andy |
I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys and it's starting to stack up. Feels like a lot. One thing at a time. |
| 41027 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6151 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, that's all you had to do today was ask about Columbus Day? |
| 41028 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
Yes, for god's sake Andy. Yes, come in. |
| 41029 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
What's up? Weird thing. Totally awkward, but you left your notebook on the reception desk. |
| 41030 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
Great. Thank you. |
| 41031 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
And it was open. And people saw this. And they're just kinda going nuts and like wondering what it is. |
| 41032 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
What is this? |
| 41033 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
It's a photocopy from your notebook. |
| 41034 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
You read my notebook? And photocopied it. And distributed it. |
| 41035 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
No. They did. And they asked me to ask about it. |
| 41036 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
Ah, please. Here's what it is. It's a doodle. |
| 41037 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
What? |
| 41038 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised. Don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist. So I draw words and lists. |
| 41039 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Andy |
That is fascinating. And, by the way, I am so glad I asked. People were just sort of- Did you just move my name? |
| 41040 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6152 |
Robert |
Might as well have been sketching a cube. |
| 41041 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Andy |
Okay. Robert's in the annex, everybody think quick. What do these groups have in common? |
| 41042 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Meredith |
Maybe we're s'posed to do it with people in our group. |
| 41043 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
That's not it. |
| 41044 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Meredith |
People in the other group. |
| 41045 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Mmum, still wrong. |
| 41046 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Andy |
Stanley, you do puzzles all day. Whatdo we got? |
| 41047 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Stanley |
Well, you take the first letter from each name, assign it a number, add â˜em all up, and SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT! |
| 41048 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Andy |
Thank you. A little much needed comic relief, but we really need to figure this out guys. |
| 41049 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Kevin |
I know! It's alphabetical. |
| 41050 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Everyone |
No. |
| 41051 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Dwight |
No, it's not. Here's how we find out. Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Okay, left-siders over here. Right-siders, line up over here. Face each other. Match it by height and relative weight. Let's just size each other up here and left side of the list... ATTACK! |
| 41052 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Wait, wait, wait! Stop! Stop! Stop! Will you stop?! |
| 41053 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Andy |
Dwight! |
| 41054 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Meredith |
Hey! |
| 41055 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Kevin |
Warning! Warning! Warning! |
| 41056 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Robert |
I'd like to invite the following people to join me for lunch: Jim, Dwight, Angela, Darryl, Kevin, Toby, Phyllis, Oscar. |
| 41057 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Dwight |
That's great. Let's do this guys. |
| 41058 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Alright, well, I will see you in a bit. |
| 41059 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Pam |
I love you so much. |
| 41060 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Hey. It's nothing. Alright? I'll text you when we get there. Let you know what's going on. |
| 41061 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 41062 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Nope. No dog video. |
| 41063 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 41064 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Jim |
Okay. See you guys. |
| 41065 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6153 |
Andy |
Well, we should all be really excited about our very own pizza party. Pizza partay! Pizza! Partay! Pizza! Partay! |
| 41066 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Robert |
Jim, your daughter, Cecilia. What does she think of the street? |
| 41067 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Jim |
Uhhh, the street? |
| 41068 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Robert |
Sesame street. |
| 41069 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Jim |
Oh, I didn't know anybody called it- She likes it a lot- she, uh, loves Elmo. |
| 41070 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Robert |
Elmo, god's sake, it's the Elmo era. |
| 41071 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 41072 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Robert |
Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. Complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Ours is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree. |
| 41073 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Jim |
Yeah, she does like Elmo. |
| 41074 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Oscar |
Cultural ghetto? Totally- totally agree. |
| 41075 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Phyllis |
Completely. |
| 41076 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Darryl |
Apt. Apt analysis, Robert. |
| 41077 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Kevin |
The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling. |
| 41078 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6154 |
Toby |
I should not be here. I'm in the- I was in the wrong- I'm- I'm sorry. Uh, just picture me back there. I- I was never here. |
| 41079 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Andy |
Great group! Pizza party! |
| 41080 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Kelly |
How is this a pizza party? |
| 41081 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Andy |
Well, why don't you ask me again when the five pizzas get here. |
| 41082 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Kelly |
Yeah, well, that's just pizza. You need at least one other element for it to be a party. |
| 41083 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Andy |
Okay. You guys ever had Margarita pizza? |
| 41084 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Stanley |
What's that? |
| 41085 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Andy |
Fresh tomato with a dollop of mozzarella cheese. |
| 41086 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Stanley |
That's pizza. |
| 41087 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6155 |
Pam |
That's regular pizza. |
| 41088 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
You know, I feel comfortable enough now to ask you this question... what made you pick this group? |
| 41089 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
I just think you guys are winners and I wanted to have lunch with you. |
| 41090 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
Okay! |
| 41091 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Everyone |
Awww. |
| 41092 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Phyllis |
Well, what about the other guys. |
| 41093 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
Losers. |
| 41094 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
No. |
| 41095 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
C'mon. |
| 41096 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
I don't- I don't wanna say- |
| 41097 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
C'mon, c'mon. |
| 41098 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
No, no. |
| 41099 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
C'mon. |
| 41100 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
Ha, I guess I think they're losers. |
| 41101 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Dwight |
Ha ha, I knew it! Ha ha! Yes! Woo! |
| 41102 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6156 |
Robert |
Probably shouldn't have said that. |
| 41103 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6157 |
Andy |
Ah hah! Their interpretation of Margarita pizza. Fans of classic pizza will be psyched. |
| 41104 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6157 |
Pam |
Oh, text from Jim. "This is getting very weird. Will explain later." |
| 41105 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6157 |
Pam |
Oh, text from Kevin. |
| 41106 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6157 |
Meredith |
"Suck it losers." |
| 41107 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Ryan |
Okay, not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better? Oh! This crust is sharp! |
| 41108 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Pam |
I used to be young and cute and sorta funny and I could do those cute, little cartoons. And everyone who came through here was like, "Who's that receptionist? I like her." Now I'm just a fat mom. Yeah, and you take one look at me and you're like, "Oh, loser." |
| 41109 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Andy |
C'mon Pam. Chins up, okay? Bad joke. Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously? |
| 41110 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Pam |
Oh. Oh God. |
| 41111 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Kelly |
Oh. Hey guys! We had so much fun. We had Margarita pizza. We all hung out. Got to know each other better. How was your lunch? |
| 41112 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Angela |
It was excellent. |
| 41113 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Darryl |
Good times. |
| 41114 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Andy |
Yeah? |
| 41115 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6158 |
Dwight |
Oh, we did. It was the best time. And you know what? Now it's over. Back to work everyone. You too Andy. |
| 41116 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6159 |
Kevin |
I knew it. I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors. Everyone. |
| 41117 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6160 |
Jim |
Well, that was certainly an odd lunch. Is everything alright? |
| 41118 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6160 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'm fine. |
| 41119 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6161 |
Kevin |
Loser. Losers. |
| 41120 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6161 |
Meredith |
Just take the casserole out of the- Take it out of the refrigerator and put it in the oven. It'll be fine, just leave it in for 20 minutes. |
| 41121 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6162 |
Andy |
When I was a salesman I could just be like "Not my job, not my prob. I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob." Metaphorically, of course. But now, it is my job and my prob. |
| 41122 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Andy |
Hi, Robert? Can you come out here please it's really important. Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, uh, let's say top-tier and others would be second-tier. |
| 41123 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Robert |
I never said that. |
| 41124 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Andy |
Thank you. Great. Robert. I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about? |
| 41125 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Andy |
Oh, that, it might- That might actually be what I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that? |
| 41126 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Robert |
Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some things I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues. And then, inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't, I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong. |
| 41127 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Phyllis |
Whew, well. I guess that's that. |
| 41128 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Andy |
No. No, no. |
| 41129 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Erin |
Andy, don't go in there! |
| 41130 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6163 |
Andy |
I'm going in there. |
| 41131 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Andy |
I know that every time I talk to you things just seem to get worse. But, you don't know these people and I do. And if I let you work with faulty information, well, then I'm not doing my job as regional manager. So, please take this pen and change your list. |
| 41132 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Robert |
I'm not gonna change my list, Andy, and I don't use ballpoint pens. |
| 41133 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Andy |
Well, then I will make a new list for you. Stanley... you may think he's a lazy grump, but did you know that he has the most consistently high sales numbers of anyone in this office? And you may think he's hard to love, but did you know that he's in, not one, but two long-term romantic relationships? |
| 41134 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Robert |
I did not know about the sales figures. |
| 41135 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Andy |
Meredith Palmer... Supplier relations. The word "no" not even in her vocabulary. And just to show you that I'm being fair. You had Gabe in the loser column. I think that is astute. Good call. Pam, easily the most creative and kind person I have ever worked with. |
| 41136 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Dwight |
Jim, shut the door. This is just gross. |
| 41137 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Jim |
Shhh. |
| 41138 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6164 |
Andy |
Erin Hannon, the receptionist and my closest confidant. A winner if there ever was one. |
| 41139 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6165 |
Erin |
I like my new group. I liked my old group. |
| 41140 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Robert |
Are we done? |
| 41141 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Andy |
Yes. No! The Friday before Columbus Day, we're gonna take a half-day, so that everyone can get a jump on the long weekend. |
| 41142 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Robert |
You want a three and half day weekend for Columbus Day? |
| 41143 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Andy |
Yes, I do. |
| 41144 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Robert |
And you are aware that Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans. |
| 41145 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6166 |
Andy |
I don't care. |
| 41146 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Andy |
Hey guys. So Columbus Day, we got that half-day on Friday. |
| 41147 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Stanley |
We get that every year. |
| 41148 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Andy |
Well, you got it this year too. |
| 41149 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Phyllis |
Good night, Andy. |
| 41150 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Andy |
Night. |
| 41151 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Angela |
Bye. |
| 41152 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Oscar |
Good night Andy. |
| 41153 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Dwight |
Good night. |
| 41154 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6167 |
Andy |
Night. |
| 41155 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6168 |
Jim |
Alright, I'm gonna go warm up the car. |
| 41156 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6168 |
Pam |
Okay. Oh, uh, you dropped something. Jim? |
| 41157 |
8 |
1 |
The List |
6169 |
Pam |
Okay, I know I've been crying easily today, but- I mean, that's just pretty killer, right? I mean, maybe it's stupid. No. It's wonderful. I'm gonna frame it. I can always unframe it. |
| 41158 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6170 |
Jim |
Hey, so this isn't matching up with this...and I'm not sure which one's right. Can you just hunt down the original for me? |
| 41159 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6170 |
Kevin |
Yes. Me do. |
| 41160 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6170 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 41161 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Jim |
Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork? |
| 41162 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Kevin |
Me do it now. Go. Stop worry. |
| 41163 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Pam |
Kevin, do you feel OK? |
| 41164 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Kevin |
Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night. |
| 41165 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Pam |
Yeah, I think we should get him to the hospital. |
| 41166 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Jim |
Yeah, alright Kev why don't you come with us? |
| 41167 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Oscar |
No, guys. |
| 41168 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Angela |
No, he's fine. |
| 41169 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Oscar |
He's fine. |
| 41170 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Angela |
He's always been like that. |
| 41171 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Pam |
No he hasn't. |
| 41172 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Angela |
I mean, he's gotten worse over the years.... |
| 41173 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Oscar |
He's making a statement. It's an ironic comment on our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin. |
| 41174 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6171 |
Kevin |
You keep think that. |
| 41175 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6172 |
Kevin |
Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say "car no go", and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick? |
| 41176 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Andy |
Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do. |
| 41177 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
Thank. |
| 41178 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Andy |
Here, we have a word code, the same way we have a dress code. And what we're talking about is...basically the speech equivalent... to just wearing underpants. Sometimes words, you no need use...but need need for talk talk. |
| 41179 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
But save time. More success. |
| 41180 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Jim |
Does it save time though? â˜Cause we've been here for about an hour. |
| 41181 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
No me fault. |
| 41182 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Pam |
Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time. |
| 41183 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
Many small time make big time. |
| 41184 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Andy |
What are you gonna do with all this time? |
| 41185 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
See world. |
| 41186 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Pam |
Kevin, you cannot possibly save enough time to see the world. |
| 41187 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Jim |
K, Kevin, are you saying "See the world"? or "Sea World?" |
| 41188 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China. |
| 41189 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Jim |
No, see? Right there, that's the problem with your method. â˜Cause I still don't know if you're saying "Sea World" or "see the world," and it's taking a lot of time to explain it. |
| 41190 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6173 |
Kevin |
Fine, fine. I'll talk normally. |
| 41191 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6174 |
Kevin |
When me President, they see. They see. |
| 41192 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
This week we are rolling out the brand new Sabre tablet....the Pyramid. |
| 41193 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Phyllis |
Ooh, why is it shaped like that? |
| 41194 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
So, you can tell your clients: "Unleash the power of the pyramid." |
| 41195 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Pam |
It's huge. How much does it weigh? |
| 41196 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
Oh no no no. Without the battery pack and optional memory booster, it's barely three pounds. |
| 41197 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Ryan |
How much memory does it have without the booster? |
| 41198 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
Fifty L. |
| 41199 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Ryan |
I'm sorry," L"? |
| 41200 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Jim |
How many L to a K? |
| 41201 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
You're really going to want the booster. |
| 41202 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Stanley |
How on earth are we supposed to sell...? |
| 41203 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Jim |
I'll take five. |
| 41204 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Phyllis |
Andy, don't make us sell this stupid thing. |
| 41205 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Andy |
Oh, no no no no no. This is Dwight's meeting. |
| 41206 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 41207 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Andy |
I just wanted to pop in and get your opinions on ties...and tie clips. Which combo do you think Robert is going to like more? What do you think, C-SPAN? |
| 41208 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Oscar |
..."C-SPAN"? |
| 41209 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Andy |
Yeah. C-SPAN, cocker spaniel. Spaniel because of your Spanish bloodline and cocker cause...... |
| 41210 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
Is this really the best use of our collective time? |
| 41211 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Andy |
I am still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, we can all relax. Ok, I'm sorry to hijack your meeting , D dub dog...had to pull rank. |
| 41212 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6175 |
Dwight |
OK, let's look at some ties. |
| 41213 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6176 |
Dwight |
Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise. |
| 41214 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Dwight |
Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night. |
| 41215 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Erin |
Um, D-Dog, you have a message. |
| 41216 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Pam |
Erin, you don't need to call him that. |
| 41217 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Erin |
Andy wants us to, P-Dog. |
| 41218 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Darryl |
It's ok E-Dog, just who called? |
| 41219 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Erin |
Justine. She said she's coming by later. |
| 41220 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Jim |
Your ex-wife? |
| 41221 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Kevin |
Wait, I thought she was a **** and you ******* hated her guts? |
| 41222 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Darryl |
No no no no. I like her. |
| 41223 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Kevin |
Well I'm just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman. |
| 41224 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Darryl |
Nah man, we get along now. Real well. |
| 41225 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Jim |
Wow. Alright. Can't wait to meet her. |
| 41226 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6177 |
Darryl |
I'll introduce you. |
| 41227 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6178 |
Darryl |
Yeah, we had a few fights, I suppose. But last night we put a lot of that to bed. I can't tell you what I did with my ex wife last night.... I have to sing it. We took a shower, we were naked. We ska dap dap doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. |
| 41228 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6179 |
Andy |
Hi Dad!...... Ahhh....oh boy. |
| 41229 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6179 |
Robert |
Hello, Andy. Excellent tie. |
| 41230 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6179 |
Erin |
Would you be requiring a cold beverage while you're here? |
| 41231 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6179 |
Robert |
I'd love some coffee. |
| 41232 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Robert |
I was looking over your projections, and I think we can do better. |
| 41233 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Andy |
Are you factoring in the... whole national ...economy.... declining and all that? |
| 41234 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Robert |
Andy, do you know why I chose you? |
| 41235 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Andy |
I think I can sum it up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor....vanilla? |
| 41236 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Robert |
Vanilla? No no no no. You'll never guess in a million billion years you'll never guess. |
| 41237 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Andy |
You were saying you chose me.... There was a reason? |
| 41238 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6180 |
Robert |
Andy, can you inspire? Do you have that skill set? |
| 41239 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6181 |
Andy |
Can I inspire? I don't know!.....I don't know. |
| 41240 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
Oh! Thank you. Uh.... |
| 41241 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
Oh, sorry. |
| 41242 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
You can just put it down. |
| 41243 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
Oh |
| 41244 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
That is very cold. |
| 41245 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
Yeah. It's old. |
| 41246 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
Why would I.....? |
| 41247 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
I asked if you wanted a cold beverage and you said "coffee".... |
| 41248 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Andy |
Why don't we get Robert a nice hot fresh cup and I will have this. |
| 41249 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
Andy, you don't want that. |
| 41250 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Andy |
I've been craving a freezing cup of old coffee. Mmm.... |
| 41251 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Erin |
Sorry. |
| 41252 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
You like her. |
| 41253 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Andy |
I do. |
| 41254 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
She likes you. |
| 41255 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Andy |
You know, we've both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now we're in this weird dance.... |
| 41256 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6182 |
Robert |
I'm afraid you've lost my interest. |
| 41257 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Oscar |
Let me call you back. |
| 41258 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Meredith |
I gotta go. |
| 41259 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
If the office superstore was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, why are we still here? |
| 41260 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Ah... |
| 41261 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Kevin |
This is where we go |
| 41262 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Oh, you'd go someplace else. That's not it, that's not the answer. |
| 41263 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Kevin |
It's a answer. |
| 41264 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
It's a wrong answer. |
| 41265 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Kevin |
There are no wrong answers. |
| 41266 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Take a look at where you are, where you once worked in a dying industry, you now work at it's birth. Those superstores are terrified of us. Anybody know why? |
| 41267 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Phyllis |
Wait....they're terrified? |
| 41268 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Let me tell you how I buy something these days. I know what I want I go on the internet, I get the best price. Or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find that customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them "you are welcome." Andrew, I chose you for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quarter we saw 4% growth. Double it. |
| 41269 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Andy |
You got it. |
| 41270 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Double. |
| 41271 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Andy |
Done. |
| 41272 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
I'm not kidding. |
| 41273 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Andy |
Neither am I, it's already done. Hah, I'm just kidding, it's going to take some time. |
| 41274 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6183 |
Robert |
Double. |
| 41275 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 41276 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
What's up, guys? Just thought we'd have a little rap session, talk about business...see how things are going? Ahem... |
| 41277 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Jim |
Why don't you start? |
| 41278 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
If no one else wants to? I was just thinking about Robert...man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know? Anyway, how's the sales doubling ...project going? |
| 41279 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, how are we supposed to do that? We can't just press a magic button. |
| 41280 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
OF course not. There's no magic button. You have to summon that. |
| 41281 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Stanley |
If we could just double our sales, we already would have. You're not making any sense. |
| 41282 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Jim |
He brings up two good points. Do you have any new leads? Any new territories you want us to look into? Maybe have an in with a big client that we can get our foot in the door? |
| 41283 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
Dwight, anything? |
| 41284 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Dwight |
We could talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house. |
| 41285 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
You know what? We need to get our heads out of the box. If we did have something, what would it look like, what would it be? Tuna. |
| 41286 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Jim |
New leads, a new territory to look into, maybe an in with a big company that we could get our foot in the door... |
| 41287 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6184 |
Andy |
Fart..... good Sesh. That leg's asleep. |
| 41288 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Justine |
Hello. I'm looking for Darryl Philbin? |
| 41289 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Kevin |
Don't! oh, you must think...I'm not. I'm using the fax, this isn't, no wait. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right? There's usually an Erin here. |
| 41290 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Justine |
Ok....? |
| 41291 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Kevin |
So...DARRYL! A GIRL! |
| 41292 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Darryl |
rub a dub dub...I got scrubbed. â˜Sup, darlin'? Everybody, this is Justine. This is Jim and Oscar, everybody. |
| 41293 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Meredith |
Hi. |
| 41294 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Kevin |
Kevin. |
| 41295 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Justine |
Can we.... go some place private? |
| 41296 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6185 |
Darryl |
Follow me, I got a space. After you. I've been thinking about you all mornin'. I don't know what you did, I can barely walk today. |
| 41297 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
D-Bone. There you are. |
| 41298 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
Let me guess, somebody needs a brownie...? Lick the spoon? |
| 41299 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
No, that's ok. Just, I want, I wanted to ask you about... |
| 41300 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
Is this about the profits? Because if it is I just don't see the point. It's so Wall Street. |
| 41301 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
I know, right? |
| 41302 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
Right? |
| 41303 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
Yeah...um, how is everything? |
| 41304 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
Good. Really really good. |
| 41305 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
Must be a tough time to be a family farm. |
| 41306 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back. |
| 41307 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
Oof. What are you gonna do about that? |
| 41308 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
I don't know, what do you mean? |
| 41309 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Andy |
There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales... |
| 41310 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Dwight |
You wanted the job, the job is yours. Just do the job! And I'll do mine..... walnuts? |
| 41311 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6186 |
Kevin |
No! |
| 41312 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Angela |
Have you seen this? |
| 41313 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
Parenting? Yeah. This is Cici's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies. |
| 41314 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Jim |
She looks at it when she's on the potty, and she makes the faces. |
| 41315 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Angela |
Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue? |
| 41316 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
I flipped through it. |
| 41317 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Angela |
So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while you're pregnant? |
| 41318 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
Of course. |
| 41319 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Jim |
We know that. |
| 41320 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 41321 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Angela |
I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me? |
| 41322 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
That sounds nice. |
| 41323 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Angela |
Great. |
| 41324 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Jim |
You have a walking buddy. |
| 41325 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6187 |
Pam |
I do. |
| 41326 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Thanks for coming in guys. |
| 41327 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Phyllis |
You don't have to thank us for coming in, it's our job. |
| 41328 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Well I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people. |
| 41329 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Meredith |
What's with the blanket? |
| 41330 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
This is what's under the blanket. |
| 41331 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Oscar |
We don't get it. |
| 41332 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: "Well, how does this work?" |
| 41333 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Pam |
Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points, and then we redeem those points for prizes. |
| 41334 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
You're exactly right and you get a point. |
| 41335 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 41336 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Ryan |
Uh, is that a vibrator? |
| 41337 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Twenty points. |
| 41338 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Meredith |
How does one get a point? |
| 41339 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
I've outlined the exact parameters in an email, so check your spam folders, but basically you do your job better, you get points. So, collect fifteen points and redeem them for this polar bear. |
| 41340 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Kelly |
Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? It's so gross. |
| 41341 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
There's lots of stuff. John Irving, collected works, Twenty-two points. Or, you can pool your points and redeem fifty-five for this maternity shirt. |
| 41342 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Stanley |
How â˜bout you want us to work harder, pay us more. |
| 41343 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
I can't. |
| 41344 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Kelly |
This point system is really insulting. |
| 41345 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very... Sari. Sixteen points. |
| 41346 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Kelly |
That's a tablecloth. |
| 41347 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
What if we went all the way up to five hundred points? |
| 41348 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
That's a crazy amount of points. |
| 41349 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
But, what if? |
| 41350 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Well, what do you want? |
| 41351 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
I don't know, for such a crazy number I'd like something pretty crazy. |
| 41352 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work. |
| 41353 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
That's pretty good. What about uh, for a thousand points? |
| 41354 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard! |
| 41355 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Group |
Ooooh! |
| 41356 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Oscar |
Really? |
| 41357 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
Alright, alright. And you are totally serious? |
| 41358 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Andy |
Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work! |
| 41359 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Jim |
Wait. You did say we could pool our points, right? In that case...let's get to work. |
| 41360 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 41361 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6188 |
Pam |
Yeah! Whoo! |
| 41362 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
I can have it to you by the beginning of next week. Alright? Thanks very much. Uh, Phyllis! Bracken Auto? |
| 41363 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Phyllis |
hands Jim folder] Ask for Donald, Karen's bananas. |
| 41364 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 41365 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
T-bag bone... |
| 41366 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
Andrew. |
| 41367 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here? |
| 41368 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
No, I didn't notice anything. |
| 41369 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years....and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him. |
| 41370 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Stanley |
You've got to unleash the power of the Pyramid! |
| 41371 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
I don't know what to tell you, man. |
| 41372 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
You think it has something to do with that incentive program? |
| 41373 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tattoo your ass. |
| 41374 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
Bah...I think people thought I was kidding when I said that. |
| 41375 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
Nah, you definitely weren't kidding. And that came across loud and clear. Oh, by the way, I want to hand this in. |
| 41376 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
Hundred and twenty points. |
| 41377 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
Yeah. Big sale. Don't worry about it though, I don't really care about the points. I would like a point receipt though... Hey! Yes, this is Jim Halpert calling for Donald...can you hold on for one second? Thank you very much. |
| 41378 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Pam |
Who talked to Maggie at Kaufman's? |
| 41379 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Erin |
Yes! |
| 41380 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Jim |
and I'm back. How are you sir?....I think we can squeeze a couple more golf games in, right? |
| 41381 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Pam |
Where's Angela? |
| 41382 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Andy |
Hey Kevin, what are you doing? |
| 41383 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6189 |
Kevin |
Don't talk to me! |
| 41384 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6190 |
Andy |
Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here...De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale...uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations. |
| 41385 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Andy |
Took â˜em one day. |
| 41386 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Pam |
Ready! "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" |
| 41387 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Ryan |
I like it, I like it! |
| 41388 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Pam |
Do Not Resuscitate... |
| 41389 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Andy |
OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car for a thousand points....or best offer. |
| 41390 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Phyllis |
What else you got? |
| 41391 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6191 |
Pam |
Oh, and then this was Phyllis's idea... So nasty Phyllis! |
| 41392 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Pam |
We were hoping you could do something like this... |
| 41393 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Tattoo Artist |
So, coming out of his butt is a... |
| 41394 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Pam |
Baby. |
| 41395 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Tattoo Artist |
Baby... |
| 41396 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 41397 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Tattoo Artist |
Yeah, no problem. |
| 41398 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Andy |
We should think about this...does anyone have any better ideas? |
| 41399 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Stanley |
I like what we have. |
| 41400 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Meredith |
Looks good. |
| 41401 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 41402 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Kevin |
For sure. |
| 41403 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6192 |
Andy |
Just need a second outside. |
| 41404 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Jim |
Gettin' psyched up? |
| 41405 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 41406 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Jim |
Andy, nobody really expects you to go through with this... |
| 41407 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Andy |
Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? ....Confession: I don't know what I'm doing. |
| 41408 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Jim |
I mean, do you like it? You having fun? Tell you this, everybody else is having a lot of fun....and you did that. |
| 41409 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Andy |
My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday. |
| 41410 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Jim |
But I think it's big enough to buy you some time till your next great idea....which, by the way, I can't wait for. |
| 41411 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Andy |
No one expects me to go through with this, right? |
| 41412 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6193 |
Jim |
Absolutely not. |
| 41413 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6194 |
Andy |
Let's ink...my stink! |
| 41414 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6195 |
Andy |
My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people. |
| 41415 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Group |
Whoa! |
| 41416 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Andy |
Do your worst! |
| 41417 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Tattoo Artist |
Uh, you can keep your pants on actually...if just drop â˜em down a bit, that'd be great. |
| 41418 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Andy |
They are already off, my good sir. |
| 41419 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Tattoo Artist |
I'd really prefer they not be down. |
| 41420 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Andy |
Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there. |
| 41421 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Pam |
Do you think you could work from this? we made some small adjustments. |
| 41422 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Tattoo Artist |
OK, you want me to... |
| 41423 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Pam |
Just a few adjustments |
| 41424 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Tattoo Artist |
Alright, let's begin. |
| 41425 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Andy |
This is where I grin and be-YOW OW! |
| 41426 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Tattoo Artist |
That was just the cotton swab. |
| 41427 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6196 |
Andy |
Invest in softer cotton, sir. OW! Oh! Oooh! oh, whoa!! |
| 41428 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6197 |
Dwight |
Obviously you can go the ass tattoo route and obviously, I'm gonna like it. |
| 41429 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6198 |
Dwight |
DRAW SOME BLOOD! |
| 41430 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6198 |
Andy |
AHHHHH!!!!!!! |
| 41431 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6199 |
Robert |
Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated. What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for mediocrity, yes, but then again, it might just be why people fight for him. |
| 41432 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6200 |
Andy |
It's a Nard Dog! That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it! |
| 41433 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6200 |
Jim |
Pull up your pants. |
| 41434 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6201 |
Robert |
There's something about an underdog that really inspires...the unexceptional. |
| 41435 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
Um, what should we talk about? |
| 41436 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having. |
| 41437 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
Oh yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help. |
| 41438 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant, and I don't know if I should call social services about it. |
| 41439 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
Angela, that's pretty transparently me. |
| 41440 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
Maybe. |
| 41441 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
You know it's just herbal tea. |
| 41442 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
In mugs with trace amounts of coffee! |
| 41443 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
Yeah. I think you should call social services. |
| 41444 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
I already did. |
| 41445 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we're in this together. |
| 41446 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Angela |
Fine. |
| 41447 |
8 |
2 |
The Incentive |
6202 |
Pam |
Fine. |
| 41448 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
....back orders and you never called them. |
| 41449 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
Can you believe this? |
| 41450 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Erin |
There's a dog in the car. |
| 41451 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
You can't leave a dog in a parked car. Snowboarder, it figures. |
| 41452 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Do Snowboarders hate animals? |
| 41453 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car. OK we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous. |
| 41454 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Andy |
Oscar, it's not that hot out. |
| 41455 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Darryl |
A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven. |
| 41456 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Andy |
Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight. |
| 41457 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Kelly |
So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag? |
| 41458 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Kevin |
Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog. |
| 41459 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
OK, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. Come on. |
| 41460 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Dwight! At least aim it. |
| 41461 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on. |
| 41462 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Andy |
We're losing cloud cover. |
| 41463 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Kelly |
Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick. |
| 41464 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Darryl |
Hey, hey, hey. Vick did his time. |
| 41465 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
This guy's been gone long enough. He's lost his right to a window. |
| 41466 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Whoa whoa whoa whoa! |
| 41467 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
Come on buddy, get back. |
| 41468 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
Whoa, Oscar! What are you- What? No, hey! |
| 41469 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Alright! Nice job, Oscar! |
| 41470 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
And one for good measure! |
| 41471 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
So...ah, who's gonna take the dog? |
| 41472 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
Why would we take the dog? |
| 41473 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
What if he jumps out the window and runs away? |
| 41474 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
Jim, he's not gonna star- |
| 41475 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Meredith |
Whoa! |
| 41476 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
Shh! Shh! Stay there, stay. |
| 41477 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
Nein. Sits. Goot. |
| 41478 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Oscar, what do you wanna do, this is kinda your deal. You wanna dog? |
| 41479 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Oscar |
There we go. That should do it. |
| 41480 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Yeah, that's pretty good. |
| 41481 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
Yeah, that'll work. |
| 41482 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Kelly |
That'll work. |
| 41483 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Jim |
Nice job. |
| 41484 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Dwight |
Bye poochie! |
| 41485 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Kelly |
Bye. |
| 41486 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6203 |
Meredith |
Bye! |
| 41487 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6204 |
Pam |
What's that come to? Like, what did they each win? |
| 41488 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6204 |
Jim |
Oh man, it's gotta be over a hundred thousand dollars. |
| 41489 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6204 |
Pam |
Awesome. |
| 41490 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6204 |
Dwight |
Before taxes. |
| 41491 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6204 |
Phyllis |
That's still a lot of money! |
| 41492 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6205 |
Andy |
The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things. |
| 41493 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6206 |
Darryl |
Hello?....Justine! Nice surprise! How you doin' baby?....Nah. No no, I didn't win. When I got promoted I stop-...what?...Yeah. Yeah, Glenn won....Oh, you wanna call him? Yeah, you should call him, congratulate him. That'll be-...What?....Oh, his number's in your old phone. Oh, you know what? I might have it right- Whoops. |
| 41494 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6207 |
Darryl |
When I worked in the warehouse, I was part of that lotto pool. They won ... playing my birthday. |
| 41495 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Oscar |
What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right? |
| 41496 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 41497 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Meredith |
We're lookin' at at least one suicide and one weird s*x thing. |
| 41498 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Oscar |
At least. |
| 41499 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
I mean, I don't even know what I'd do with all that money. |
| 41500 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Dwight |
I know what you'd do with all that money. "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug." |
| 41501 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
No, I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop. |
| 41502 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
And then on the weekends, would you hacky sack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids? |
| 41503 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
Whoa. Saucy. I thought you liked Maine? |
| 41504 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
I think we should get a townhouse in SoHo... |
| 41505 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Ryan |
SoHo's mostly lofts but OK. |
| 41506 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
And then every morning, I'd walk out on to my terrace and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know? And just gather ideas for my painting... |
| 41507 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Kelly |
Oh, god. |
| 41508 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
And then my handsome husband... |
| 41509 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
Which ideally would be me.... |
| 41510 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
Would bring me a flavored coffee. |
| 41511 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy? |
| 41512 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Pam |
Well in your fantasy we're Stephen King characters. |
| 41513 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Jim |
I don't know about Stephen King, I mean... |
| 41514 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6208 |
Meredith |
get a divorce...get a divorce... |
| 41515 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6209 |
Kelly |
I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean I'm getting paid a dollar a year, OK? You can chill. |
| 41516 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys? |
| 41517 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Darryl |
I don't know. |
| 41518 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what? |
| 41519 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 41520 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Are they on their way over? |
| 41521 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Darryl |
I haven't hired anyone. |
| 41522 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Phyllis |
What? No warehouse guys? I have an important order that has to go out by five. I emailed you about it. |
| 41523 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Darryl |
I'm not checkin' email till lunch. Four hour work week. |
| 41524 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
This is kinda time sensitive. |
| 41525 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Darryl |
I got it. I'm doin' it. |
| 41526 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Phyllis |
Andy, this is a seriously big order. I can't lose this client. |
| 41527 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in? |
| 41528 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Erin |
As long as you guys don't need me up here. |
| 41529 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Phyllis |
No..we don't |
| 41530 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Dwight |
I think we'll be fine. |
| 41531 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Oscar |
Really, nobody's gonna help her? Is chivalry dead? |
| 41532 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Are you volunteering? |
| 41533 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Oscar |
Of course. I would. But my hip....I would kill to be at a hundred percent. |
| 41534 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Jim! How 'bout you? |
| 41535 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Jim |
Uh, yeah. I mean, as the strongest person in this office, I guess I should go down with you... |
| 41536 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Dwight |
Hey...OK no. No. That. You are so not...oh god. False. Andy, I will volunteer. |
| 41537 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6210 |
Andy |
Great. And Kevin. |
| 41538 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6211 |
Kevin |
Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job. |
| 41539 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you. |
| 41540 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Angela |
Sure. |
| 41541 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Pam |
Wait, wait. What's this? |
| 41542 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Angela |
Oh, sorry. I thought it was a guess your baby's birth weight pool. |
| 41543 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Pam |
It says "Lotto Pool", right on top. |
| 41544 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Angela |
Yeah. And I said sorry. |
| 41545 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6212 |
Pam |
Oh come on. You really think I'm gonna have a fourteen pound baby? |
| 41546 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Darryl |
When did I get so fat? |
| 41547 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Andy |
You look awesome. |
| 41548 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Darryl |
I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here. |
| 41549 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Andy |
Where are we in the process? |
| 41550 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Darryl |
I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys,hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process. |
| 41551 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Andy |
Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night? |
| 41552 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Darryl |
The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement. |
| 41553 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Andy |
You do have a fantastic basement. |
| 41554 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Darryl |
I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point. |
| 41555 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6213 |
Andy |
Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out. Hey! There ya go...there he is. |
| 41556 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6214 |
Andy |
That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl. |
| 41557 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6215 |
Jim |
OK. Three hundred boxes of twenty pound white. That's seventy-five boxes per person, so that's not so bad. |
| 41558 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6215 |
Dwight |
Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it! |
| 41559 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6215 |
Jim |
Nice. Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oh! |
| 41560 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6215 |
Kevin |
Damn! |
| 41561 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6215 |
Dwight |
Yup. |
| 41562 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl. What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off? |
| 41563 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery? |
| 41564 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Female Applicant |
Your old crew won the lottery? |
| 41565 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system? |
| 41566 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Male Applicant 1 |
Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit? |
| 41567 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
Oh yeah. |
| 41568 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Well- |
| 41569 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Heday is investing in an energy drink for Asian homosexuals. |
| 41570 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing? |
| 41571 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
I don't |
| 41572 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so... |
| 41573 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
Nope. I'm good. I'm here. Let's find some warehouse workers. |
| 41574 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about. |
| 41575 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
OK. |
| 41576 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
We need you, OK? |
| 41577 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
K. |
| 41578 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
OK? |
| 41579 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 41580 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6216 |
Andy |
Alright. |
| 41581 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6217 |
Dwight |
What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband. |
| 41582 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6217 |
Erin |
I didn't feel anything. |
| 41583 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Andy |
Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor. |
| 41584 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Darryl |
Why do you wanna work here? |
| 41585 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Male Applicant 1 |
I need a job. |
| 41586 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Darryl |
That's not a good reason. |
| 41587 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Andy |
Good. Keepin' 'em honest. |
| 41588 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Darryl |
Don't just take the first job that comes your way. Cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change. |
| 41589 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Andy |
Are we scaring them straight....? |
| 41590 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6218 |
Darryl |
I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one. |
| 41591 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6219 |
Darryl |
I've never been lucky. And I'm not talkin' about the lottery, I'm talkin' 'bout stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything? |
| 41592 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Ryan |
Nice. Right back where I like you. Can you make ten copies of this for me? |
| 41593 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Pam |
No. |
| 41594 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Ryan |
Why not? What are you doing? |
| 41595 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Pam |
Uh, buying lottery tickets online. |
| 41596 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Ryan |
Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it. |
| 41597 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Pam |
You came in at 10:30 today, right? |
| 41598 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6220 |
Ryan |
OK, (we'll just dismiss it.)?????? |
| 41599 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6221 |
Andy |
Is everyone licensed? |
| 41600 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6221 |
Male Applicant 2 |
Like a driver's license? |
| 41601 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6221 |
Andy |
No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind. |
| 41602 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6221 |
Female Applicant |
Is this a joke? |
| 41603 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6221 |
Andy |
No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now. |
| 41604 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Kevin |
OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back. |
| 41605 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Jim |
There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids. |
| 41606 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Dwight |
Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday. |
| 41607 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Jim |
Yeah Not that they're not smart people. |
| 41608 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Dwight |
No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence. |
| 41609 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Jim |
I'd go with that. |
| 41610 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Dwight |
Like baboons or elephants. |
| 41611 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Jim |
Not that, don't... |
| 41612 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Kevin |
Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh. |
| 41613 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Jim |
It's a great idea Kev, I don't think it applies here though, so maybe we just- |
| 41614 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Kevin |
Yeah we move stuff and it was fun. |
| 41615 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Dwight |
Kevin! Doesn't apply. |
| 41616 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Kevin |
Right. My mom- |
| 41617 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6222 |
Erin |
You need to drop it, OK? They hate it. I like it a lot but they hate it so drop it! |
| 41618 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6223 |
Andy |
Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um... |
| 41619 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6223 |
Male Applicant 1 |
How much longer is this gonna take? |
| 41620 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Darryl |
Did you hire 'em? |
| 41621 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Andy |
No. Because they all left. |
| 41622 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Darryl |
What do you mean "they left"? |
| 41623 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Andy |
I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help. |
| 41624 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Darryl |
Then I think you should fire me. |
| 41625 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Andy |
What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you. |
| 41626 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Darryl |
Yeah. Just put me out of my misery. |
| 41627 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Andy |
.....OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke. |
| 41628 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6224 |
Darryl |
No? OK. I don't wanna be here anymore. Fire me. |
| 41629 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6225 |
Andy |
So Darryl says to me "fire me". But what he really means is "I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means." So I say "No, you're not fired." But what I really mean is "I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better."........I really hope that's what he and I mean. |
| 41630 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Andy |
Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy. |
| 41631 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Oscar |
Bulk or definition? |
| 41632 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Andy |
Definition. |
| 41633 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Oscar |
Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness. |
| 41634 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Andy |
Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong? |
| 41635 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6226 |
Oscar |
Oh, he's plenty strong. |
| 41636 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6227 |
Oscar |
It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell. |
| 41637 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Pam |
So. I've been thinking, after we win the lottery, we take our winnings.... |
| 41638 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Jim |
Our fake winnings |
| 41639 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Pam |
And we move to the south of France. See? No, there's plenty of bicycling for you. I think that's where they do the Tour de France. |
| 41640 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Jim |
It is, yeah. I mean I just don't know why I'm compromising if it's my fantasy. Cause in my fantasy it's Maine and you love it. |
| 41641 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Pam |
Because I'm never gonna act like that, even in your fantasy. |
| 41642 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Jim |
Nope. You're, you're doing a great job of it in my fantasy right now. |
| 41643 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Dwight |
Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again? |
| 41644 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6228 |
Jim |
A...hot chocolate tea |
| 41645 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Andy |
Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce? |
| 41646 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Gideon |
North America...and, diminishing is a little reductive, but uh sure. That's the headline version. |
| 41647 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Andy |
Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse. |
| 41648 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Gideon |
FYI, Wednesday through Friday I have a pretty full teaching schedule. |
| 41649 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Andy |
Eh, cool. We'll figure that out. |
| 41650 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Nate |
Also, FYI, ah, I don't techinically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing. |
| 41651 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Andy |
Got it. Dually noted. You! Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that? |
| 41652 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Bruce |
Made it. |
| 41653 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6229 |
Andy |
So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to. |
| 41654 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Dwight |
Message in a Bottle, The Postman... |
| 41655 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Jim |
Kevin Costner. |
| 41656 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Dwight |
Kevin Costner. |
| 41657 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 41658 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Kevin |
So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea. |
| 41659 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6230 |
Erin |
You did say it was a great idea. I heard you say it! |
| 41660 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Jim |
So, it's not the dumbest idea. |
| 41661 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Dwight |
It's not the greatest one either... |
| 41662 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Jim |
But, the fact remains we gotta move these boxes. |
| 41663 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Dwight |
And it's clear we're not going to carry them. |
| 41664 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Jim |
So sadly, it's the best idea on the table. |
| 41665 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Dwight |
Exactly. |
| 41666 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Kevin |
I think we're ready to give thi- Jim? |
| 41667 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Jim |
Is he OK? |
| 41668 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6231 |
Dwight |
Yep. He'll be fine. |
| 41669 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Surprise! Your new crew. |
| 41670 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
Would you just fire me, man? |
| 41671 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy? |
| 41672 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
You wanna make me happy? Huh? |
| 41673 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 41674 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
Give me your job. |
| 41675 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Haha, what? |
| 41676 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
I'll do it better than you. I earned it. I deserve it. I got passed over, God knows why, reasons I cannot and will not understand. The job was mine Andy, everyone said it was mine. Make me manager or fire me. |
| 41677 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that. |
| 41678 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Nate |
Also, Darryl, FYI, I already told this to Andy, but uh, you should probably know I technically don't have a hearing problem, it's just when there's a lot of noises... |
| 41679 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that? |
| 41680 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
He died. |
| 41681 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it? |
| 41682 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Nate |
What wa-, what was the last...I'm havin' a- |
| 41683 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
None, no part of this has anything to do with you. |
| 41684 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
I didn't have time because of my daughter. |
| 41685 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic, and a Mediterranean cooking class. |
| 41686 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
Hey I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face. |
| 41687 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a shot and then you stopped pushing. She noticed. |
| 41688 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
OK. |
| 41689 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
OK what? |
| 41690 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Darryl |
OK, don't fire me. |
| 41691 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6232 |
Andy |
Ah, OK. |
| 41692 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6233 |
Darryl |
My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do. |
| 41693 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
I put some guys on tonight. Best of your bunch and my bunch. Tell you now though, it's gonna be mostly my bunch. |
| 41694 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Andy |
Yeah. That makes sense. OK. Good, alright. |
| 41695 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Kevin |
Here... |
| 41696 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Andy |
What is goin' on?! |
| 41697 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Kevin |
Oh hey guys. |
| 41698 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
Why is the forklift in the wall? |
| 41699 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Andy |
Why is the truck empty? |
| 41700 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
Uh, it's not totally empty. |
| 41701 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
Is that grease on my floor? |
| 41702 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
OK, I can see why you're angry, you're coming into this cold. But believe me a lot of thought went into this. |
| 41703 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
And did your brains tell you to ruin these boxes with grease? |
| 41704 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Kevin |
OK Darryl, listen and then you will understand. The boxes were ruined during our first trial testing so now it's cool cause we found another use for them. |
| 41705 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Jim |
OK, alright, that's...look. All we were trying to do is we thought we could come up with a more efficient way to do things. |
| 41706 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
And? |
| 41707 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Erin |
And we did. |
| 41708 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
I don't know. |
| 41709 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Erin |
Jim? Tell them what it's called. |
| 41710 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Jim |
That's alright. |
| 41711 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Kevin |
No Jim, tell 'em what a name is. |
| 41712 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Jim |
Doesn't matter what the name is. Señor Loadenstein, that's stupid. |
| 41713 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Kevin |
Señor Loadenstein. Tell 'em why it's called that, Jim. |
| 41714 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Jim |
That's OK, we're good. |
| 41715 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Erin |
Jim... |
| 41716 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Andy |
No, Jim. Tell us why it's called Señor Loadenstein. |
| 41717 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Jim |
Porque es muy rapido. |
| 41718 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
OK. You know what? It's been a real busy day, what do you say we put all this away. |
| 41719 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
Let me see it. |
| 41720 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
It's uh, it's in beta testing. |
| 41721 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Darryl |
Let me see it! |
| 41722 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight |
Get the thing, go! Lube it up, Kevin! Start mopping. |
| 41723 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6234 |
Dwight, Erin, Jim, Kevin |
Uno! Dos! Tres! |
| 41724 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6235 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I lost my client. |
| 41725 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6236 |
Creed |
I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport. |
| 41726 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6237 |
Toby |
I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum bum buh. Flenderson files. |
| 41727 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Pam |
We came to an agreement. We're going to live in a stunning pre-war brownstone at the top of a mountain. |
| 41728 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Jim |
Right. It's city and country combined. |
| 41729 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Pam |
Just a subway stop away are the best museums in the world. |
| 41730 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Jim |
And I can fish right from the window of Pam's pottery studio. And we can chat any time we want. |
| 41731 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Pam |
Just like now. |
| 41732 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Jim |
Just like now....too bad the schools are terrible. |
| 41733 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Pam |
Oh.. |
| 41734 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Jim |
But what are you gonna do about that? |
| 41735 |
8 |
3 |
Lotto |
6238 |
Pam |
What are you gonna do? |
| 41736 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6239 |
Jim |
Hey. So, we saw a new billboard. |
| 41737 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6239 |
Andy |
Yeah? Pretty cool, huh? |
| 41738 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6240 |
Andy |
What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign? And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager? |
| 41739 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6241 |
Andy |
How'd it look? |
| 41740 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6241 |
Jim |
You've seen it, right? |
| 41741 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6241 |
Andy |
No. |
| 41742 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6241 |
Pam |
Andy, somebody defaced it. |
| 41743 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6241 |
Andy |
What? Morning, Stanley. |
| 41744 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6242 |
Jim |
There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity. |
| 41745 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Andy |
Erin, how long did we order those billboards for? |
| 41746 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Erin |
Six months. |
| 41747 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Andy |
Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company. |
| 41748 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Meredith |
Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it. |
| 41749 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Andy |
Which one did you see? |
| 41750 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Meredith |
Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it. |
| 41751 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Jim |
Okay, don't be gross. |
| 41752 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Dwight |
What's going on? |
| 41753 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Pam |
Somebody defaced the billboards we just put out in an inappropriate way. |
| 41754 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Dwight |
Oh, that's funny. Wait, from the photo shoot with you and me? |
| 41755 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Andy |
Yeah, Dwight. |
| 41756 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6243 |
Dwight |
No. No. No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO! |
| 41757 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Dwight |
Schrute Farms is very easy to find, it's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far. |
| 41758 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Ryan |
Just give us the address. We'll look it up online. |
| 41759 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Dwight |
It's simpler this way. |
| 41760 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Oscar |
It's really not. |
| 41761 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Andy |
Now, stated arrival time is 3 p.m. |
| 41762 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Kelly |
I don't get the reason for this party. |
| 41763 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, what's the reason? |
| 41764 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Kelly |
What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason? |
| 41765 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6244 |
Andy |
It's just a garden party. Sheesh. |
| 41766 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6245 |
Andy |
You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party. It's a garden party. You don't need a reason. |
| 41767 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
Few other super simple reminders ⓠno burping, no slurping, when eating take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed. Yes, Darryl? |
| 41768 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Darryl |
What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor, or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time? |
| 41769 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
I get it, I'm being a little overbearing. But I promise to be underbearing for a week if you guys just all... step it up. |
| 41770 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Oscar |
Andy, we understand basic table manners, we're not children. |
| 41771 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, it's just a picnic. |
| 41772 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
This is not a picnic, Phyllis, it's a garden party. |
| 41773 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Darryl |
There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring. |
| 41774 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
Aw, ew, please don't. Not a barbecue. It's better than a barbecue. It's dignified, quieter, there are rules. |
| 41775 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Pam |
How is that better than a barbecue? |
| 41776 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Ryan |
What's the dress code on this? |
| 41777 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
I'm glad you asked ⓠConnecticut Casual. |
| 41778 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Stanley |
Any chance Connecticut Casual is Pennsylvania Business, i.e. this is what I'm wearing to your party. |
| 41779 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
Guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion. It was a huge success. Check it out, there's a video online. Heartwarming impromptu father-son duet. |
| 41780 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Oscar, you showed me this. |
| 41781 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Darryl |
I've seen this, that's not you. |
| 41782 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Meredith |
Yeah, whoa, who's the sausage? |
| 41783 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
It's my dad and my brother. I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so... Check it out, that's my brother's boss. Look how psyched he is, he's having an awesome time. |
| 41784 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Jim |
Ah, and did Robert California get an invite to your party? |
| 41785 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Andy |
Yeah, of course. Ye... I mean, uh, yeah, I think he did. |
| 41786 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6246 |
Phyllis |
Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California? |
| 41787 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6247 |
Gabe |
I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies, and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch? |
| 41788 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6248 |
Andy |
See you all there at 3 p.m., Connecticut Casual, remember your manners, and have a wonderful time. |
| 41789 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6248 |
Dwight |
And please refer to the map, stay off of the web. Thank you. |
| 41790 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6249 |
Jim |
So, we've typed in the address, now let's take a look at the street view. |
| 41791 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6249 |
Dwight |
They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by. |
| 41792 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6249 |
Jim |
Ah. Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea? |
| 41793 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6249 |
Dwight |
There's so much more to it than that. |
| 41794 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6250 |
Dwight |
I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret weapon. Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars. |
| 41795 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6251 |
Jim |
I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. I've only sold one copy. |
| 41796 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Angela |
Is there anything you wish you had done differently to avoid cankles? |
| 41797 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Pam |
Nope. |
| 41798 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Angela |
I've already gone up another cup size. The senator is grossed out. When do you start feeling it kick? |
| 41799 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Pam |
Cece was around 22 weeks, but Phillip was much earlier. |
| 41800 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Angela |
Phillip? |
| 41801 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Pam |
Oh, oh my gosh. Yes, but don't, don't say anything, okay? It's after my grandfather. |
| 41802 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Angela |
Phillip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat. |
| 41803 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Pam |
Oh, wow. Funny. It's after my grandfather. |
| 41804 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6252 |
Angela |
It's after my cat. |
| 41805 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade. |
| 41806 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Andy |
Ooh, that sounds great. |
| 41807 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade. |
| 41808 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Andy |
Sure. |
| 41809 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade. |
| 41810 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Andy |
Uh, I'll hear the other one. |
| 41811 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
It's a basil plant. |
| 41812 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Andy |
You know, the marmalade sounds great. |
| 41813 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested. |
| 41814 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Andy |
Then the basil will be fine. |
| 41815 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6253 |
Robert |
Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright. |
| 41816 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
Hey, where do I park? |
| 41817 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Mose |
I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. |
| 41818 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
Uh, you know what, I can go park it myself. |
| 41819 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Mose |
I'm the... I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. |
| 41820 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
It's probably okay... |
| 41821 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Mose |
Give me your car. |
| 41822 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
I think it's better that I... |
| 41823 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Mose |
Give me your car. |
| 41824 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
It's a finicky car... |
| 41825 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Mose |
Get out. Have a good time at the thing. |
| 41826 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6254 |
Toby |
It's a little tricky, you might have to... take... |
| 41827 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6255 |
Dwight |
MR. RYAN HOWARD! |
| 41828 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6256 |
Jim |
Chapter 2 ⓠAnnouncing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present. |
| 41829 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6257 |
Dwight |
STANLEY HUDSON AND HIS MISTRESS CYNTHIA! JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEEPEE HALPERT! |
| 41830 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6258 |
Andy |
How's it going over here, guys? |
| 41831 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6258 |
Oscar |
Andy, stop hovering, you're being really annoying. |
| 41832 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6258 |
Andy |
Didn't mean to bother you, Mabel. Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table. |
| 41833 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6258 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 41834 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6258 |
Dwight |
MR. AND MRS. WALTER AND ELLEN BERNARD! |
| 41835 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Walter |
So, you all work with Andy. |
| 41836 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Andy |
Well, technically FOR Andy. |
| 41837 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Oscar |
Technically FOR Robert California. He's our CEO. |
| 41838 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Ellen |
I thought you were the CEO. |
| 41839 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Andy |
I don't know how you got there. |
| 41840 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Walter |
You said you were running the company. |
| 41841 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Andy |
This branch, I'm the regional manager. |
| 41842 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6259 |
Walter |
Yes, that makes more sense. Are you all regional managers? |
| 41843 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6260 |
Andy |
Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. Now, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves, which, as a matter of fact, they did, last week. They threw one for my baby brother who is totally amazing, but I couldn't care less. |
| 41844 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Andy |
Can I introduce you around now? |
| 41845 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Walter |
Uh, yeah, we don't have too long, we have theater tickets. |
| 41846 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Andy |
What are you going to see? |
| 41847 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Walter |
Money Ball. Walter Jr.'s choice. |
| 41848 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Andy |
What?? |
| 41849 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Walter Jr |
Hey Bronard! |
| 41850 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Andy |
I didn't know you were going to be here. |
| 41851 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6261 |
Walter Jr |
I wouldn't have missed it. |
| 41852 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6262 |
Erin |
Ahh! |
| 41853 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Walter Jr |
I'm Walter, Andy's younger brother. |
| 41854 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Jim |
Oh, hey, how are you doing, I'm Jim. |
| 41855 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Walter Jr |
Tuna, right? And this must be your lovely wife Pam . |
| 41856 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Jim |
No. |
| 41857 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Meredith |
Hell no. She wishes. |
| 41858 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6263 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no, no. No. |
| 41859 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6264 |
Waiter |
Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests. |
| 41860 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6264 |
Kevin |
I understand. |
| 41861 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6265 |
Dwight |
Set that down. Present yourself. |
| 41862 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6266 |
Jim |
Chapter 4 ⓠOne of the host's most important duties is as Dance Master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon. |
| 41863 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Dwight |
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT, ROBERT CALIFORNIA! |
| 41864 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Robert |
Hello Andy. |
| 41865 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Andy |
Welcome. |
| 41866 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Robert |
Thank you. |
| 41867 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Andy |
Hey, I want you to meet my first bosses, Mom and Dad. |
| 41868 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Robert |
Yes, hello, nice to meet you. |
| 41869 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Walter |
Pleasure. |
| 41870 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Robert |
Andy, where shall I put your basil plant? |
| 41871 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Andy |
Oh, I thought you were going to bring marmalade. |
| 41872 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6267 |
Robert |
No, I'm certain you said basil. |
| 41873 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6268 |
Ryan |
This is not funny, man, let me down. |
| 41874 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6268 |
Kevin |
I think this thing is broken. |
| 41875 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6268 |
Ryan |
It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works. |
| 41876 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6269 |
Andy |
So pretty today. |
| 41877 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6269 |
Ellen |
It's getting chilly. |
| 41878 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6269 |
Walter |
We really should be leaving. |
| 41879 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6269 |
Andy |
Yeah, um, it would be weird if the boss man didn't make a toast, so, hang on. Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming, and to raise a glass to my amazing staff. |
| 41880 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6270 |
Andy |
Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favorite part about toasts, the reciprocity. |
| 41881 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6271 |
Andy |
Let's hear from you guys, who do you want to toast? |
| 41882 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6271 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I'll say something. I think we should be acknowledging our boss, because none of us would be here without him. Robert California! |
| 41883 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6272 |
Gabe |
I can't believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel! Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress? |
| 41884 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6273 |
Angela |
I would like to toast someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Phillip Lipton! |
| 41885 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6273 |
Pam |
I also would like to toast Phillip Halpert, who is due even sooner. May he be a good namesake to my grandfather who I promised as a child long before tonight that I would one day name my son after him. To Phillip Halpert! |
| 41886 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6274 |
Angela |
She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again! |
| 41887 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6275 |
Ryan |
I'd like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides. |
| 41888 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6275 |
Erin |
I think we should toast... |
| 41889 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6276 |
Dwight |
Ladies and gentlemen! The last supper. |
| 41890 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6277 |
Jim |
Chapter 9 ⓠThe tableau vivant is not only welcomed, but expected entertainment at any garden party. |
| 41891 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Kevin |
Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California. |
| 41892 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Gabe |
I would also like to toast Robert California. Mr. California,... |
| 41893 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
You can't triple toast somebody! At least not until we get everyone once. |
| 41894 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Robert |
I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy. |
| 41895 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 41896 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Robert |
You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager, one day the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers. |
| 41897 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Gabe |
To Robert California, from the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you... |
| 41898 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Some of you know that we have an internet star in our midst. Mr. Walter Baynes Bernard Sr., please report to the stage! |
| 41899 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
I'm eating, Andy. |
| 41900 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Ah, come on! |
| 41901 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
Okay. Okay. |
| 41902 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 41903 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
What do you want to do? |
| 41904 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets? |
| 41905 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
Oh, whoa, sure? Really? It's a little tricky. |
| 41906 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Saying I love you is not the words... |
| 41907 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
It's too high. |
| 41908 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Yeah? |
| 41909 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
It's high but it's not that high. |
| 41910 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Right, it feels strange. |
| 41911 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
Just take it down a little. |
| 41912 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Saying I love... Saying I love you... |
| 41913 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
Here, give it to me. Okay. Uh, something like... Saying I love you is... |
| 41914 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy, Walter |
...not the words... |
| 41915 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
You don't come in yet. ...I want to hear from you, It's not that I want you... |
| 41916 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy, Walter |
...not to say it but if you only knew... More than words is all you have to do to make it real... |
| 41917 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Is anyone filming this? Seriously! Erin! |
| 41918 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Erin |
It's either taping or calling. |
| 41919 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy, Walter |
What would you do if my heart was torn in two... |
| 41920 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter |
You know what, Walter Jr. is here. Why don't you come up and join us? |
| 41921 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter Jr |
Dad, no. I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here. |
| 41922 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Meredith |
Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again. Woo! |
| 41923 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Walter, Walter Jr |
May the good lord be with you down every road you roam. And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home. And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true. And do unto others as you'd have done to you... |
| 41924 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Andy |
Cheers! Alright! Cheers, cheers, cheers, get your own guitar. |
| 41925 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Erin's Cell Phone |
If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. |
| 41926 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6278 |
Erin |
Sorry. |
| 41927 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6279 |
Kelly |
I am so cold. |
| 41928 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6279 |
Ryan |
That's because you didn't bring a jacket. |
| 41929 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Dwight |
My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer? |
| 41930 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Robert |
Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here. |
| 41931 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Dwight |
Oh really? Well, we have a number of birthday packages. The Pewter Package has the least amount of goats, not no goats, it's still 10-12 goats, depending on the availability of the goats. Now the Goat Package obviously has the most goats. What were you thinking? |
| 41932 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Robert |
Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me? |
| 41933 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Dwight |
I can get you exotic meats ⓠhippo steaks, giraffe burgers... |
| 41934 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Robert |
We'll talk. |
| 41935 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6280 |
Dwight |
It'll all be goat. |
| 41936 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Andy |
Hello, Cece Halpert? This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs. That wasn't even my worst sales call. |
| 41937 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Walter |
Hi. What was that display? |
| 41938 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Andy |
I don't know, I just thought if I could throw this great garden party and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me. |
| 41939 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Walter |
Andrew... |
| 41940 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Andy |
I know, I know that you're proud of me. |
| 41941 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6281 |
Walter |
I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. How long are you going to go on needing my approval? You're a grown man, don't act like a little boy who needs... |
| 41942 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Darryl |
I think if I had parents like that I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too. |
| 41943 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Oscar |
Guess we found Andy's rosebud. |
| 41944 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Darryl |
Rosebud? |
| 41945 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Oscar |
It's a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are. |
| 41946 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Darryl |
I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was, it just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed. |
| 41947 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Oscar |
Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree. |
| 41948 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6282 |
Darryl |
No. You're wrong. |
| 41949 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6283 |
Robert |
Are you sure? |
| 41950 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6283 |
Ryan |
Yeah! I'm too hot anyway. |
| 41951 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6283 |
Robert |
My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there! Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you. |
| 41952 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6284 |
Walter |
It was a nice party, the setting was a little strange. Uh, the food... |
| 41953 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6284 |
Ellen |
Sandwiches were dry. |
| 41954 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6284 |
Walter Jr |
Bye Tuna, bye Pam! |
| 41955 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6285 |
Andy |
Hey everybody, I'm gonna leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. |
| 41956 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6285 |
Darryl |
Cheeseburger or hamburger. |
| 41957 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6285 |
Andy |
Um, cheeseburger. |
| 41958 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6285 |
Oscar |
Narddog. |
| 41959 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6285 |
Andy |
Thanks, Oscar. |
| 41960 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6286 |
Pam |
What are they doing? |
| 41961 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6286 |
Jim |
Closing ceremonies. |
| 41962 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6286 |
Pam |
Nice touch. |
| 41963 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
I think I left my wallet in your house. |
| 41964 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
Who cares. |
| 41965 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
Right here. |
| 41966 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
MR. JAMES HALPERT! |
| 41967 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
Keys, keys... |
| 41968 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
Stop forgetting things. |
| 41969 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
I didn't forget them, they're right here. |
| 41970 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
MR. JAMES HALPERT! |
| 41971 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
I'm so sorry, I think I forgot that thing... |
| 41972 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
What? Idiot. |
| 41973 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
Whoo. |
| 41974 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
MIS... MI... What are you doing? |
| 41975 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Jim |
Hey, I have a question. Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office? |
| 41976 |
8 |
4 |
Garden Party |
6287 |
Dwight |
That's a stupid question, obviously mISTER JAMES HALPERT! |
| 41977 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6288 |
Andy |
Approved! |
| 41978 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6289 |
Andy |
Chef from South Park, it's genius! |
| 41979 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6289 |
Stanley |
Just some chef. |
| 41980 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6290 |
Andy |
I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously. |
| 41981 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6291 |
Kevin |
The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life. |
| 41982 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6291 |
Andy |
Whoa! Aw, spoiler alert. |
| 41983 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6291 |
Kevin |
It's been out for ages, man. |
| 41984 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6291 |
Andy |
Costume vetoed. |
| 41985 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6292 |
Andy |
Ah, it's, uh... somebody's already called that. |
| 41986 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6292 |
Phyllis |
Who? |
| 41987 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6292 |
Andy |
Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow. |
| 41988 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Kelly |
This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's? |
| 41989 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Andy |
Guys, I know, I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just... |
| 41990 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Kelly |
Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. |
| 41991 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Meredith |
Because I was there. Your the people's princess! Diana was nothing! |
| 41992 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Andy |
I thought you were at your sister's funeral. |
| 41993 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6293 |
Meredith |
What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there. |
| 41994 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6294 |
Meredith |
Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it. |
| 41995 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6295 |
Andy |
Um, can I, maybe, squeeze through? |
| 41996 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6295 |
Erin |
Here you go. |
| 41997 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6295 |
Andy |
There you go. Thank you. |
| 41998 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6296 |
Erin |
When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together, every single day. |
| 41999 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Kevin |
Jim, put it on. |
| 42000 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Darryl |
Put it on, man. |
| 42001 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Jim |
I don't know if I can. |
| 42002 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Kevin |
Come on, the Three Amigos. |
| 42003 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Darryl |
Three Kings. |
| 42004 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6297 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 42005 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6298 |
Jim |
I know, I know, I know. But Darryl and Kevin needed a third. They bought me this jersey. I said no. Kevin started crying. So, I am Chris Bosh. |
| 42006 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Ryan |
If you get into season 1, you can really... |
| 42007 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Kelly |
Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you? |
| 42008 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Dwight |
It's called a costume. |
| 42009 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Kelly |
What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? |
| 42010 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Dwight |
Ryan, will you please tell her who I am? |
| 42011 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Ryan |
Whoopi Goldberg. |
| 42012 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6299 |
Dwight |
Has no one here heard of Kerrigan, from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault. |
| 42013 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6300 |
Toby |
Every Halloween I tell him the same thing - You can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing - As soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey. |
| 42014 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6301 |
Andy |
Everybody looking good, this is, this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I, I think you guys look great, I just... wanna make sure this is the best we can do? |
| 42015 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6302 |
Andy |
I just got a text from Broccoli Rob - "Boo!" Scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California - "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Scared the s**t out of me. |
| 42016 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6303 |
Andy |
G'day, Pameroo. Could you shoot this off for me? |
| 42017 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6303 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 42018 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6303 |
Andy |
Australian accent... |
| 42019 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
What are you doing? |
| 42020 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it, if you're doing something I don't. |
| 42021 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
Oh. Are you... |
| 42022 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
That Andy, so hot and cold. One day he's like, fax these documents, please. The next he's like, Pam, you fax them, who cares what Erin's feeling, right? |
| 42023 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
Oh, Erin... |
| 42024 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3? |
| 42025 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
Um, 2? |
| 42026 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
That's like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear. |
| 42027 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
No, I mean, you're doing great, and Andy put you in charge of the whole party, right? |
| 42028 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
Yeah... |
| 42029 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 42030 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6304 |
Erin |
Send completed. You are the best in the biz, I can't deny. |
| 42031 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Phyllis |
Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour. |
| 42032 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Oscar |
I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing. |
| 42033 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello. |
| 42034 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Oscar |
What happened, Pam? |
| 42035 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Pam |
Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story... |
| 42036 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Phyllis |
Wait, they have food there? |
| 42037 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6305 |
Pam |
...and he said, That's what everyone sees, that's the Man In Black. |
| 42038 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6306 |
Jim |
No! My wife does not believe in ghosts. |
| 42039 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 42040 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 42041 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Jim |
Oh, this Man In Black thing, what do you think that was about? |
| 42042 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Pam |
What do you mean? |
| 42043 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Jim |
Was it, like, trickery in the lights, or maybe you were so primed to see it, then there it was? |
| 42044 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Pam |
I saw a ghost. |
| 42045 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Jim |
Mmhmm. No, but what I'm saying is, like, do you ever wonder what it was? |
| 42046 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Pam |
It was a ghost, I told you this on, like, our first date. |
| 42047 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Jim |
Yeah, I had just told you about the day that I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it. |
| 42048 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6307 |
Pam |
I don't know what to tell you, Jim, but I saw a ghost. |
| 42049 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Andy |
Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack! |
| 42050 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Robert |
Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer. |
| 42051 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 42052 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Robert |
Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company. |
| 42053 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Bert |
Hello. Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane. |
| 42054 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Robert |
Here, use this one. |
| 42055 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Robert |
Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son? |
| 42056 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Erin |
Oh, I didn't. It was for us, but he can play. Bertie-boy, would you like to play this game? |
| 42057 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Bert |
That stuff's for babies. |
| 42058 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Robert |
Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us. |
| 42059 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6308 |
Andy |
Wow, who shot our grown-up party with a kiddie raygun? We're still getting it set up, it's gonna be really cool. |
| 42060 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Extraordinary. Did you plan this? |
| 42061 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
Well, Toby and I did, yeah. |
| 42062 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Gabe |
And I overheard, and thought, hey, that'd be fun, don't mind if I do. |
| 42063 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Toby |
If you turn out the lights we'll do a little dance. |
| 42064 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
1, 2, 3! |
| 42065 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Gabe, Kelly, Toby |
Dem bones, dem bones, dem tired bones, now we're the skeleton crew. |
| 42066 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Delightful. |
| 42067 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
Thank you. |
| 42068 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Now then, how are we today? |
| 42069 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
Fine. |
| 42070 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Toby |
Great. |
| 42071 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright? |
| 42072 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
Mmhmm. |
| 42073 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
You feeling fulfilled in your life? |
| 42074 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
I guess. |
| 42075 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have. |
| 42076 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
I try not to think about it. |
| 42077 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours? |
| 42078 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Kelly |
Never marrying. |
| 42079 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Robert |
Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby? |
| 42080 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6309 |
Toby |
So great. |
| 42081 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Erin |
Oh, I put those up. |
| 42082 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Angela |
I know. I'm taking them down. |
| 42083 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Phyllis |
I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y. |
| 42084 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Erin |
I don't know about this, guys, Andy put me in charge of the Halloween party, so... |
| 42085 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Angela |
Well, Andy sent us in here, so which is it? |
| 42086 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 42087 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6310 |
Angela |
So, can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings, because I hate all of this. |
| 42088 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Bert |
Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. |
| 42089 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Dwight |
Yeah, perfectly mediocre. |
| 42090 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Bert |
What are you, anyway? |
| 42091 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Dwight |
I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone, ghoul. |
| 42092 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Bert |
If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft. |
| 42093 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Dwight |
Damnit. I AM Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored. |
| 42094 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Bert |
If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl. |
| 42095 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Dwight |
Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm! |
| 42096 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Bert |
Yeah, she also has boobs. |
| 42097 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6311 |
Dwight |
Yeah, but no nipples. |
| 42098 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 42099 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Andy |
Hey. What's up? |
| 42100 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Erin |
November's sure creeping up, ain't it? Can't stop that month! |
| 42101 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Andy |
Yeah... |
| 42102 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Erin |
Hey, what's the jive with Angela and Phyllis helping with the party, you know? |
| 42103 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Andy |
Um, I just thought you could use some help, you know, because Robert came in and thought the party seemed a little kiddie, and I guess I agreed, and maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG. |
| 42104 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Erin |
But that's it? There's nothing about me, or I? |
| 42105 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Andy |
Can we talk about it at the end of the day? I gotta call, gotta make a call. |
| 42106 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Erin |
Oh, yeah, sorry. Yes, we can. |
| 42107 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6312 |
Andy |
Yes. I don't know. Mmhmm. |
| 42108 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
Gabe? |
| 42109 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
Sweetheart. |
| 42110 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
I'm throwing the Halloween Party and I just want to amp it up a little. I think it could use some extra pizazz. |
| 42111 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
Ok where does Gabe factor in? |
| 42112 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying? |
| 42113 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
Yes. Lars and Decocco's |
| 42114 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
Ok. Let's say that I wanted this party to be a tiny, tiny bit like that one. Just... more adult... more... scary and sexy |
| 42115 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. |
| 42116 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
No ⓠjust scary. If we wanted ideas for scary stuff. |
| 42117 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
Oh that would be scary! |
| 42118 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Erin |
What are you thinking? |
| 42119 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6313 |
Gabe |
Ok let me go get it. |
| 42120 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Pam |
Pam Halpert. |
| 42121 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Jim |
Hey it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight. Because I've read a lot about this really great documentary. |
| 42122 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Pam |
Is it called Ghostbusters? |
| 42123 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Jim |
It's called Ghostbusters. |
| 42124 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Pam |
It didn't look like that. |
| 42125 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Jim |
It didn't have a buster sign around him? Why don't you draw him? Why don't we see this whole thing. |
| 42126 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Pam |
Ok fine I'll draw him. |
| 42127 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Jim |
I ain't fraid of no ghost. Whoa! |
| 42128 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Pam |
Mmhmm. Dwight are you eating a stick? |
| 42129 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Dwight |
It's a root you idiot. |
| 42130 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Bert |
Everyone hates you. |
| 42131 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Dwight |
That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true. |
| 42132 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Bert |
What do you like? Tornadoes? |
| 42133 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Dwight |
Try influenza. |
| 42134 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Bert |
Oh yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane? |
| 42135 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Dwight |
Open up a newspaper. Oh look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark? |
| 42136 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6314 |
Bert |
Try a box jelly fish. |
| 42137 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Jim |
You know that's... |
| 42138 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Robert |
What are we talking about? |
| 42139 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Jim |
I was talking about my wife and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate and Meredith said she believes in them too. |
| 42140 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Robert |
You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you? |
| 42141 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Kevin |
I'm only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies. |
| 42142 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Oscar |
Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums. |
| 42143 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Kevin |
Yeah ...prank |
| 42144 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6315 |
Robert |
It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over. |
| 42145 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6316 |
Kevin |
Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!? |
| 42146 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6317 |
Erin |
Witch's brew? |
| 42147 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6318 |
Erin |
I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room! Grownups are going to use it later! Oooh! |
| 42148 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Jim |
Party looks fun doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer. |
| 42149 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Bert |
I'm using it. I'm about to play Starcraft with him . |
| 42150 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Jim |
Are you serious? |
| 42151 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Dwight |
Yeah I'm serious. |
| 42152 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Jim |
That's funny. Ok. |
| 42153 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Dwight |
Loser. |
| 42154 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6319 |
Bert |
Yeah. |
| 42155 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6320 |
Angela |
Pam do you think anyone's going to notice I've worn this costume before? When I wasn't pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits. |
| 42156 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6321 |
Oscar |
Hey guys. I'm an Oscar liar weiner. |
| 42157 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6321 |
Ryan |
Oh my god! |
| 42158 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Darryl |
This party's tight. The fog is cool. |
| 42159 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Erin |
Thanks. It's on medium. |
| 42160 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Darryl |
Perfect. |
| 42161 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Andy |
It really looks great. You did a great job. |
| 42162 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Erin |
Oh, so we don't have to have that talk. |
| 42163 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6322 |
Andy |
We should still have that talk. Maybe you can come by my office at like 4:45? Cool. |
| 42164 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6323 |
Erin |
Oookayyy everybody. Be prepared to be scared. Ok. |
| 42165 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6324 |
Gabe |
The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea. |
| 42166 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Oscar |
Is that my grandmother? |
| 42167 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Andy |
What's the story? |
| 42168 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Oscar |
There is no story. |
| 42169 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Gabe |
Yeah it seems like there isn't a narrative. Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting. |
| 42170 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Stanley |
What the hell is going on here? |
| 42171 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Andy |
I think we've seen enough. You can turn it off now. Yeah turn it off now. |
| 42172 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Stanley |
How did you get in my car? |
| 42173 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Oscar |
Where is this from? That is so upsetting! |
| 42174 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Andy |
That was awful. Robert I apologize. |
| 42175 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6325 |
Erin |
I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now . This game is called "pecker Poker". It's the game of cards that gets you hard. |
| 42176 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
What we have here is a classic misunderstanding. |
| 42177 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Robert |
Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close. . Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business . |
| 42178 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Erin |
All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so... |
| 42179 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Robert |
You were going to talk at the end of the... I'm not here. |
| 42180 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you. |
| 42181 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Robert |
I'm never uncomfortable. |
| 42182 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone. |
| 42183 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Erin |
Sure. |
| 42184 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by. |
| 42185 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Erin |
And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom. |
| 42186 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling. |
| 42187 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Erin |
Two dates? Three dates? |
| 42188 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Andy |
Thirty-one. |
| 42189 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Erin |
Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys. |
| 42190 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6326 |
Robert |
I should go. |
| 42191 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Darryl |
I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person. |
| 42192 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 42193 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Pam |
Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical? |
| 42194 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Jim |
Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win. |
| 42195 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Pam |
Really. |
| 42196 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Jim |
No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not... |
| 42197 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Kevin |
Exactly. |
| 42198 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6327 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 42199 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Dwight |
Go, get up there right now. |
| 42200 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Bert |
Got it. |
| 42201 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Darryl |
Dwight? |
| 42202 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Dwight |
You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B. |
| 42203 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Bert |
Unleash the hellstorm. |
| 42204 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Darryl |
Dwight. |
| 42205 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Dwight |
Nice. |
| 42206 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Darryl |
Dwight! |
| 42207 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6328 |
Dwight |
Got 'em. Go! |
| 42208 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6329 |
Phyllis |
Is she Asian? |
| 42209 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6329 |
Erin |
I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest. |
| 42210 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6329 |
Phyllis |
Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest? |
| 42211 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6329 |
Erin |
I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city. |
| 42212 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6329 |
Phyllis |
Hmm. |
| 42213 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6330 |
Robert |
Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed? |
| 42214 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6330 |
Creed |
No... |
| 42215 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6330 |
Robert |
Are you scared of snakes? |
| 42216 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6330 |
Creed |
You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby. |
| 42217 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6331 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive. |
| 42218 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6332 |
Meredith |
Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps. |
| 42219 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6333 |
Robert |
What am I up to? |
| 42220 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Jim |
Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, "Mom, there's a ghost in my closet." Now, you say one of two things - one, "You're just having a bad dream," or two, "Let's go see what it was." |
| 42221 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Pam |
I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim. |
| 42222 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 42223 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Pam |
I'm not gonna lie to her, either. |
| 42224 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Jim |
Oh, come on! |
| 42225 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Robert |
When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. |
| 42226 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Creed |
Oh my goodness. |
| 42227 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Robert |
The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies. |
| 42228 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Kevin |
Nooo! |
| 42229 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Robert |
Amongst them was a man, tall, slim. |
| 42230 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Meredith |
Jim. |
| 42231 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6334 |
Robert |
Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine." |
| 42232 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6335 |
Robert |
Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear. |
| 42233 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Bert |
Toby? |
| 42234 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Toby |
Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... |
| 42235 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Bert |
You're fired. |
| 42236 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Toby |
...bones. What? |
| 42237 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Bert |
You heard me. Pack your things. |
| 42238 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Toby |
What... you can't... Gabe? Are you... |
| 42239 |
8 |
5 |
Spooked |
6336 |
Bert |
I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done. |
| 42240 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6337 |
Andy |
Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here. |
| 42241 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6337 |
Andy |
Closing time. |
| 42242 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6338 |
Andy |
Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. It's weird. |
| 42243 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Andy |
Closing time |
| 42244 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Jim |
...W R K. |
| 42245 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Andy |
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer. |
| 42246 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Jim |
Uh no it's W R K, as in kitten. Oh my boss is singing Closing Time, maybe that's what you are hearing. |
| 42247 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Andy |
Come on pam! |
| 42248 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6339 |
Andy, Pam |
Closing time, time for you to go home to the places you will be from. |
| 42249 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6340 |
Pam |
Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. Still don't know the words. Tah wa Ta way hm hm home and home and home. |
| 42250 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6341 |
Andy |
I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. Take me hooo...hooome! You know what fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing... no traditions! |
| 42251 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6341 |
Stanley |
Closing time every new beginning... |
| 42252 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6342 |
Stanley |
I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now...it's my favorite song. |
| 42253 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6343 |
Andy, Stanley |
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. |
| 42254 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6343 |
Stanley |
Goodnight. |
| 42255 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Andy |
Whose your favorite iron chef? |
| 42256 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Robert |
This is atrocious. |
| 42257 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Andy |
You go first. |
| 42258 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Robert |
The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office. |
| 42259 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Andy |
Well the monitoring software is a double edged sword. Sometimes... |
| 42260 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Dwight |
Sorry, go ahead. |
| 42261 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Robert |
Did you need something from us? |
| 42262 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6344 |
Dwight |
Wha...Yes. Your attention. Uh because... No that is all. |
| 42263 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6345 |
Dwight |
Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted "We're number two!'. As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants. |
| 42264 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free. |
| 42265 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Andy |
Umpf...that's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there. |
| 42266 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
Who are they? |
| 42267 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Andy |
They're both Kevin. Oscar is the s*x and the City gang and Angela, if you can picture... |
| 42268 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all. |
| 42269 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Andy |
I would agree with that. |
| 42270 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
Simply...end the mistakes |
| 42271 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Andy |
End the mistakes, easy- |
| 42272 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice? |
| 42273 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Andy |
I would like that. |
| 42274 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6346 |
Robert |
End the mistakes. That is all I ask. And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all. |
| 42275 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Jim |
I'm just saying with the NBA lockout I think roller derby's in a really good place now. So...my pitch is...me, Pam, you and, someone else maybe Justine. |
| 42276 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Darryl |
Nahh! No. Not Justine. Never Justine. |
| 42277 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Jim |
Is that off again? |
| 42278 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Darryl |
Oh yeah. |
| 42279 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 42280 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Val |
Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting. Today. |
| 42281 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Darryl |
Ahh...We don't really do those. We just sign the thing. |
| 42282 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Val |
Are you really this lazy? |
| 42283 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6347 |
Darryl |
I'll be there. |
| 42284 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6348 |
Gabe |
Hey. |
| 42285 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6348 |
Val |
Hey. |
| 42286 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6348 |
Gabe |
Monday's suck. |
| 42287 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6348 |
Val |
Yeaha...yup. Just trying to get in. |
| 42288 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Dwight |
I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. This is a project I've been working on for quite some time and today, might be the day to use it. |
| 42289 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Andy |
What do you got? |
| 42290 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Dwight |
Allow me. You're going to love this. Ugh...should've used a shorter string. Never mind, I know it by heart. It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work. |
| 42291 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Andy |
Sounds controversial. |
| 42292 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Dwight |
Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two? |
| 42293 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Andy |
Do not go there! You're the deuce I never want to drop. |
| 42294 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Dwight |
Well, I can make this work. I'll set it up right now. Just need your go ahead. |
| 42295 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Andy |
Go do the voodoo that you do so well. |
| 42296 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Dwight |
I will do my voodoo. |
| 42297 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6349 |
Andy |
Mmhmmm. |
| 42298 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Hey. I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship. |
| 42299 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
For you? |
| 42300 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Yes. For Gabe. |
| 42301 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
Who are you seeing? That's gr... |
| 42302 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. |
| 42303 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
Oh. |
| 42304 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
I'm not technically seeing her, but uh I've seen her, with the eyes and uh there was attraction. In at least one direction. So.. |
| 42305 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
You know I don't have to do the paperwork unless you're actually dating. |
| 42306 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Ok, but once this starts, it's going to be moving fast. It's going to be hot and heavy and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock. You know? |
| 42307 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
But I mean...uh have you talked to her? Is sh... |
| 42308 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Yeah we had a whole conversation about Mondays... |
| 42309 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
Do you know her last name, yet? |
| 42310 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Toby I'm going to tell you her last name tomorrow because she's going to be screaming it tonight. |
| 42311 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
She's going to be screaming her own last name? |
| 42312 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Gabe |
Hey! Watch it. |
| 42313 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6350 |
Toby |
Good luck Gabe. |
| 42314 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Andy |
Hi guys. I just wanted to say that, you all have been doing amazing work., really. |
| 42315 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 42316 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Andy |
And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. So, Dwight and I have implemented a new program that we like to call...Dwight... |
| 42317 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
The accountability booster. It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office. From a late delivery to an accounting error. Five strikes in a day equals a home run. One home run and you're out. |
| 42318 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Andy |
If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens like we block Minesweeper. |
| 42319 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultants report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shutdown? And as a fail-safe also every negative email you've ever written about him to the group will also be forwarded to him. |
| 42320 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Kelly |
What emails are you talking about? |
| 42321 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
Robert's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radio Head. You remember that one Jim? There is no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar. He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him. Kelly. |
| 42322 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Kelly |
That's not that bad actually. |
| 42323 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
P.S. We should should kill him. |
| 42324 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Jim |
Wait, so you installed a doomsday device? |
| 42325 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
No, it's an accountability booster. |
| 42326 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Jim |
Which when it goes off it destroys everything. Very similar to a doomsday device. |
| 42327 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. Now the point is that we are now working in an environment where we have accountability to each other. I am confident that you guys are equal to the task. |
| 42328 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Kelly |
Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives. |
| 42329 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Ryan |
We can't do this Dwight. |
| 42330 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6351 |
Dwight |
Smile...nod. Smile and nod. |
| 42331 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6352 |
Dwight |
They are making me out to be a Bond villian. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like...not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor... |
| 42332 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6353 |
Andy |
Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes. |
| 42333 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6353 |
Dwight |
But the device will change that. Without a safety net, people will improve. |
| 42334 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Andy |
Alright everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. Be extra careful. Double check everything or the accountability booster will getcha. |
| 42335 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Stanley |
This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me. |
| 42336 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Oscar |
There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment. |
| 42337 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Dwight |
Oh, there's one mistake. |
| 42338 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Erin |
Now we only have four strikes left until a home run. |
| 42339 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Andy |
Dwight's our co-worker and he worked really hard on this doomsday device so I... |
| 42340 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6354 |
Dwight |
It's not a doomsday device, gosh. We can do this you guys. |
| 42341 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Warehouse Crew |
First. Second. |
| 42342 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Darryl |
It's not a race. |
| 42343 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Warehouse Crew |
Thirrrr....third. |
| 42344 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Darryl |
Who knows what the belt is for? |
| 42345 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Gabe |
It's for protecting my ass. When you suckers lift more than you can handle. Sup, I'm Gabe. Corporate. Continue. Don't be nervous. |
| 42346 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Darryl |
Apparently we have a visitor. Gabe, everyone. |
| 42347 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Warehouse Crew |
Hi, gabe. |
| 42348 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Darryl |
All right so the support belt. Now this one is mine. Doesn't get much use nowadays. |
| 42349 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6355 |
Gabe |
Look at this, this is enormous. |
| 42350 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6356 |
Gabe |
I get the sense that Val enjoys a good putdown. Considering that's the only thing I know about her. I will be milking that hard. |
| 42351 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6357 |
Gabe |
It's like a hula hoop. Right. Mele Kalikimaka is the wise way. |
| 42352 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6357 |
Darryl |
You done? |
| 42353 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6357 |
Gabe |
The Michelin man called, he wants his cummerbund back. |
| 42354 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6358 |
Phyllis |
Remember we have to give Rigo Escrow their refund by five. |
| 42355 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6358 |
Kevin |
I'm on it. |
| 42356 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6358 |
Angela |
Kevin, maybe I should handle that. We really need you to focus on your project. |
| 42357 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6358 |
Kevin |
Good thinking. |
| 42358 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6359 |
Kevin |
Apparently a big client for this company, needs to know the story of how paper gets made. |
| 42359 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6360 |
Angela |
Oscar, use a calculator. |
| 42360 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6361 |
Oscar |
When the stakes are this high, there is only one computer that I trust. And it's powered by thai food and spanish reds. |
| 42361 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Andy |
Alright everybody, you are doing great! |
| 42362 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Dwight |
Well, I wouldn't say that. Three mistakes already is pretty terrible, but I do see improvement. Meredith kept someone on hold for thirty minutes and now look she's hard at work. |
| 42363 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Jim |
Dwight, question. |
| 42364 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Dwight |
No questions. |
| 42365 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Jim |
If this doomsday device goes off... |
| 42366 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Dwight |
Accountability booster. |
| 42367 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Jim |
If this bad idea goes off and we all lose our jobs. Are you going to feel good about that? |
| 42368 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6362 |
Dwight |
I haven't even considered it. That's how sure I am that this accountability booster is going to work. |
| 42369 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Stanley |
Try mose1234. |
| 42370 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Ryan |
Dwight would never be that obvious. Try something like...z64$8. Not that exactly Jim, something like that. |
| 42371 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 42372 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Dwight |
How about Scrantonstrangler666. |
| 42373 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 42374 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Dwight |
No. Oh shoot. Ha ha ha...You guys are never gonna shut down the machine, ok? But I appreciate your energy and your team work. If you applied this to your regular work, You won't even notice that the device is there, watching you ready to strike. |
| 42375 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Kelly |
Wha...what's Dwight's mothers name. |
| 42376 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6363 |
Jim |
Hmm...Heda. No. |
| 42377 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Darryl |
Once you read the packet, sign the back. |
| 42378 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Gabe |
Hey Darryl, I was thinking, uh, maybe while we read through this, uh, you could grab us all some coffee. My treat. It's a hundred dollar bill. Should cover it I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, ok? I want a decaf frappuccino. Val... |
| 42379 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Darryl |
Actually, Val, why don't you come with? I'll need the extra hands to carry them back. |
| 42380 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Val |
Yeah, sure. |
| 42381 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Gabe |
Uh. |
| 42382 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Darryl |
Mmhmm. Caramel soy latte. |
| 42383 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Gabe |
Decaf frap- |
| 42384 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6364 |
Darryl |
Got it. |
| 42385 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Angela |
You sent the late notice to Ryan Heart & Wolf. Right? |
| 42386 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Oscar |
Mhm. Six-forty, six-twenty. |
| 42387 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Angela |
Six-seventy, six-twenty. |
| 42388 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Oscar |
Nuh uh. |
| 42389 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Angela |
yes! |
| 42390 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Oscar |
Five eighty-eight plus fifteen percent- Oh no. |
| 42391 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Kevin |
What does this mean? What does it mean! |
| 42392 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Oscar |
Andy. |
| 42393 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Angela |
Ohhhh! |
| 42394 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Gahhh. That's five strikes. |
| 42395 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Stanley |
Well...I was saving this for my retirement, which I guess is today. |
| 42396 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Dwight we got five strikes. |
| 42397 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 42398 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Did the email go out or... |
| 42399 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
It goes out automatically at five P.M. |
| 42400 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Well, th- There's gotta be a way to stop it. |
| 42401 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
Well, I would have to enter my password in order to cancel it. |
| 42402 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Ok! Dwight you may now enter your password. |
| 42403 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 42404 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
What?! |
| 42405 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
You don't deserve to have this branch. Five mistakes in less than a day. |
| 42406 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Phyllis |
We did our best. |
| 42407 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
No you didn't, Phyllis. You complained the whole time. You yelled at me. You tried to break into the machine. What?! |
| 42408 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Erin |
You're a real crumb bum, you know that? |
| 42409 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
Hey, you can't just change the rules because you don't like the outcome. What about you, Kevin? What about you and your fake task? Can you tell me now where paper comes from? |
| 42410 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Kevin |
Uh, the man tree puts its penis- |
| 42411 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
Ha. Ok, alright. Andy back me up here, please. |
| 42412 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
Nn no. |
| 42413 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 42414 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Andy |
No! |
| 42415 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Oscar |
Dwight be human for once. Shut down the machine. |
| 42416 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Kelly |
Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut down the machine!!! Shut it down! Shut it down! |
| 42417 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6365 |
Dwight |
Good luck finding a new job idiots. I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. Glowingly negative. |
| 42418 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Erin |
Dwight's car is gone. |
| 42419 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Pam |
I bet he went home. |
| 42420 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Andy |
Some of us should go there and talk some sense into him. Get him to stop that email. |
| 42421 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Andy |
Pam, you should come with me. Dwight really likes you and your breasts are enormous that could help us. |
| 42422 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 42423 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Andy |
Kevin has that lovability. |
| 42424 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Kevin |
Guys come on. I'm right here. |
| 42425 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Andy |
Jim, I want you to go find Robert just be where he is in case that email goes out at five. You can try to delete it or something. |
| 42426 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Jim |
Ok, where is he? |
| 42427 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Erin |
Uh, he's at some club where you either eat squash or play squash. |
| 42428 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6366 |
Jim |
I'll try both. |
| 42429 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Dwight |
Oh. Come to reason with me? |
| 42430 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Andy |
Gotcha something. And, uh, I just really want to talk to you- |
| 42431 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Dwight |
Get lost. |
| 42432 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Andy |
Well now hold on it, it- |
| 42433 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Pam |
What are you doing? |
| 42434 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Dwight |
What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse. |
| 42435 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Pam |
Uhm. |
| 42436 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Erin |
Do you need a hand? |
| 42437 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Pam |
Yeah, do you need a hand? |
| 42438 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6367 |
Dwight |
If you hit another horse, you've dug to far. |
| 42439 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Robert |
I'll see you next week Will. |
| 42440 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Jim |
Robert. |
| 42441 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Robert |
Jim what are you...What a surprise. |
| 42442 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Jim |
Yeah, well, you know just had a meeting. Squash meeting. |
| 42443 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Robert |
Yeah. |
| 42444 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Jim |
You up for a game? |
| 42445 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Robert |
A game or a match? |
| 42446 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6368 |
Jim |
Exactly. Here we go. Let's do it. |
| 42447 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Pam |
Are you okay, Kevin? |
| 42448 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Andy |
Where you going? |
| 42449 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Dwight |
In. I'm hungry. |
| 42450 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Pam |
Uh, could we come in too? Just for some water. |
| 42451 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Dwight |
Okay. Take off your shoes. Except you Kevin, they stay on. |
| 42452 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Pam |
Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is. |
| 42453 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6369 |
Dwight |
This is the new addition, built my Erasmus Schrute in 1808. It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009. |
| 42454 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
That's too much Doodle and not enough Lab. |
| 42455 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Darryl |
Yeah, when are they gonna do a Labradoodle that's just Lab? |
| 42456 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
That's what I'm sayin'. |
| 42457 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Gabe |
Hey. You're welcome. |
| 42458 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
Thanks for the coffee. |
| 42459 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Gabe |
So, tonight I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the cemetery. I'm gonna drink a little wine and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me. |
| 42460 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
Are you asking me on a date? |
| 42461 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Gabe |
Yes, I am. |
| 42462 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
Because I don't date coworkers. It's not personal, it's a matter of policy. |
| 42463 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Gabe |
I could quit. Problem solved. |
| 42464 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6370 |
Val |
Don't quit. |
| 42465 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6371 |
Darryl |
Good policy. Sensible. Smart. |
| 42466 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6372 |
Jim |
Alright. Serving. Serving. Serving. Serving. |
| 42467 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6372 |
Robert |
In the box. |
| 42468 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6372 |
Jim |
In the box. |
| 42469 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6373 |
Oscar |
Why haven't we heard anything? It's 4:45. There's only 15 minutes left. |
| 42470 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6373 |
Angela |
Oh, now you can do math? Where were you 2 hours ago 'A Beautiful Mind'- |
| 42471 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6373 |
Oscar |
I made a mistake. I'm sorry. |
| 42472 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6373 |
Stanley |
I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyones' signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt! Ha! |
| 42473 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6373 |
Oscar |
It's not that funny. |
| 42474 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Erin |
Oh, Pam. You got something on your shirt. |
| 42475 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
Oh, haha. Oh well. Pobody's nerfect, right? |
| 42476 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Dwight |
Did you just have a stroke, Pam? It's "Nobody's perfect." Nice stroke, Pam. |
| 42477 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
No. It's a jokey saying. Pobody's nerfect, like I can't even say those words right. Ha. |
| 42478 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Dwight |
I hadn't heard that before, that's, that's funny. |
| 42479 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Andy |
Dwight, there's just a small matter of a- |
| 42480 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
You know what would go so great with this cabbage pie? Milk. |
| 42481 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Dwight |
Any specific animal? |
| 42482 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
I'm thinking cow- |
| 42483 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Dwight |
Don't say cow- Ugh. |
| 42484 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Andy |
What are you doing? It's 5 to 5. |
| 42485 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
Just don't talk about the email, okay? He's gonna cancel it on his own, I really think he will. |
| 42486 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Andy |
That's insane! |
| 42487 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
Just trust me. |
| 42488 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Andy |
Trust you, like I trusted Dwight this morning. |
| 42489 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Pam |
I got this. |
| 42490 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6374 |
Andy |
Enngh- |
| 42491 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6375 |
Pam |
Hahhh, thanks for everything. |
| 42492 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6375 |
Dwight |
Sive drafely. |
| 42493 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6375 |
Kevin |
Isn't it supposed to be, "Drive safely"? |
| 42494 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Is that my phone? |
| 42495 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Sounded like mine. |
| 42496 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Nah, I think it's mine. Lemme just check real quick, here. Alright. |
| 42497 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Well, it's mine. You took it out of my bag. |
| 42498 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Oh, oh yeah. |
| 42499 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Can I have it? |
| 42500 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Yes. Right now? Yes. |
| 42501 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Yep. |
| 42502 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Here you go. |
| 42503 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Whoa, no, wait, wait, wait, whoa. |
| 42504 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
ha, Jesus. |
| 42505 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Awww, sorry. Did it break? |
| 42506 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Nah, it's good. |
| 42507 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
You sure? |
| 42508 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
Yeah. |
| 42509 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
What kinda iPhone is that? |
| 42510 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
It's the standard one. The one everyone has. |
| 42511 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Oh yeah. I have the one that nobody has. Is there anything interesting? |
| 42512 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
It depends Jim. Do you find one-day only Jet Blue sales to Buffalo interesting? |
| 42513 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Jim |
Ha ha. No, I don't. No, I don't. Alright, well, I am sore and obviously horrible at this, so- |
| 42514 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6376 |
Robert |
My serve! |
| 42515 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6377 |
Pam |
Dwight stopped the device! |
| 42516 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6377 |
Andy |
Oh! |
| 42517 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6377 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 42518 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6377 |
Erin |
Haho! |
| 42519 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6378 |
Oscar |
He stopped it! |
| 42520 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6378 |
Ryan |
Oh! We still have our jobs. |
| 42521 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6379 |
Dwight |
They're not my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't even call them friends. They come over here, eat my pie, dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I? |
| 42522 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
Take it easy. Nice and easy. |
| 42523 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Jim |
Ah! Classic, right? |
| 42524 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
Oo! |
| 42525 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Jim |
I'm alright. |
| 42526 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
You alright? |
| 42527 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 42528 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
Skinned knee. |
| 42529 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Jim |
Yep. Ah. Oh. |
| 42530 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
Oo, a little ice on that maybe. |
| 42531 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Jim |
Yeah. That does not feel good. |
| 42532 |
8 |
6 |
Doomsday |
6380 |
Robert |
Okay. My serve. |
| 42533 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
Erin. |
| 42534 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 42535 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
In two minutes I want you to come into this meeting and tell me I have a really important phone call. I'm not going to take it because I want him to know how important the meeting is to me. |
| 42536 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
Who's calling? |
| 42537 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
Nobody. Just say that I'm- Just make it up that I have a phone call. And then I'm going to refuse to take it. |
| 42538 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
You're not going to take it? |
| 42539 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
Just make up a phone call. It's not a real call. Make it up. |
| 42540 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
Ohohohoh. |
| 42541 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
And come and tell me. Doesn't matter what it is. |
| 42542 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
You're not going to get it though? |
| 42543 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
I'm not going to take it. And then he's going to be like "whoa this is a really important meeting". |
| 42544 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Erin |
Copy that. |
| 42545 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6381 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 42546 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Ok, so tell me exactly what kind of deal you are getting now and I'll tell you how we can beat it. |
| 42547 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Client |
Uh well we've been going with... |
| 42548 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
Andy. |
| 42549 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 42550 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
You have a very important call. |
| 42551 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
I'm sorry ⓠI'm with a very important client. It'll have to wait. |
| 42552 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
Are you sure? It's really, really important. |
| 42553 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
There is nothing more important to me right now than this meeting. |
| 42554 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
Really? Because your mother is dead. |
| 42555 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Client |
Oh my God. |
| 42556 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
I don't think she's dead. |
| 42557 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
She's dead. She was hit by a bus. |
| 42558 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
She's not dead. This is exactly the kind of thing my mom pulls. |
| 42559 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
This isn't one of those times. It's the police. They said it's the worst they've ever seen. |
| 42560 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Dwight |
Andy I'm really sorry about your mother. My deepest condolences. |
| 42561 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Client |
Oh you must take this call. It's... |
| 42562 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Yeah. Um line 1? |
| 42563 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Erin |
Line 2. |
| 42564 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Hi. |
| 42565 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
on phone]It's Darryl. Erin told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died. |
| 42566 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Ooh, gosh! |
| 42567 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
Dude. |
| 42568 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Officer. |
| 42569 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
Look man this is a bad idea. |
| 42570 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Did she have any last words or? |
| 42571 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
Really? That is messed up man. |
| 42572 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Oh make sure that your client gets the best deal possible. |
| 42573 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
You're a bad man Andy Bernard. |
| 42574 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
That is so mom. |
| 42575 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Darryl |
That stuff can come back to get you. It's called karma. You do not want to be messing around. I got an uncle... |
| 42576 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6382 |
Andy |
Alright thank you officer. Erin please hold all my other calls. Where were we? |
| 42577 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Pam |
Hey Cathy. |
| 42578 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Cathy |
Hi. |
| 42579 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Pam |
How's it going? Everything make sense? |
| 42580 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Cathy |
I think everything is under control. |
| 42581 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 42582 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Cathy |
You should sit down. |
| 42583 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Pam |
Oh no, I'm fine. |
| 42584 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Cathy |
No I should go fill out my paperwork. |
| 42585 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Pam |
Ok Oh that was just me. Pregnant Pam. And I make sounds much worse than this. |
| 42586 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6383 |
Dwight |
Oh we know. |
| 42587 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6384 |
Pam |
I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. Oh I should've mentioned I'm pregnant. You probably didn't notice because it's impossible to tell I'm so small. But yeah I'm pregnant. Oh come on! |
| 42588 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Ryan |
Hey ⓠasking for a friend. Do you happen to know if that new girl is single? |
| 42589 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Jim |
Hmm. Doubt it. |
| 42590 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Ryan |
Yeah me too. |
| 42591 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Pam |
You doubt it? |
| 42592 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 42593 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Pam |
Why do you doubt that she's single? |
| 42594 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6385 |
Jim |
Honestly I have no idea. I just figured we'd save her from Ryan right? |
| 42595 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Darryl |
What are you doing with my lunch? |
| 42596 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Andy |
I'm delivering it from the fridge. It's like a porno. Hey did anyone order a pizza? |
| 42597 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Darryl |
It's not pizza. |
| 42598 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Andy |
Yeah and we're not about to make love. I just thought maybe you'd want to eat lunch at your desk today so that during lunch we could go down to the warehouse and bang out a few tunes. |
| 42599 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Darryl |
I like the sound of that. Is Kevin in? |
| 42600 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6386 |
Andy |
Uh you tell me |
| 42601 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Ryan |
So word on the street is she has a boyfriend. |
| 42602 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Gabe |
Well he's probably a drug dealer. That's the best way to land a hot girlfriend. You just uh get her hooked on blow. |
| 42603 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Toby |
It's going to be nice to have just a healthy, young, fit presence in the middle of the office. |
| 42604 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Oscar |
Yeah aesthetically speaking she adds a nice presence. |
| 42605 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Offscreen |
Good energy |
| 42606 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Pam |
It's going to be good to have someone hot at Pam's desk huh? |
| 42607 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Oscar |
No, no. Not even. |
| 42608 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Pam |
I'm kidding! Oh my gosh you guys! She's obviously super cute I get it. But I'd like to point out there's 50 pounds more of me to love if that's your thing. |
| 42609 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Oscar |
Pam you look more beautiful now than ever. |
| 42610 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Toby |
Radiant. |
| 42611 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Pam |
Thank you. Really you guys thank you. Very sweet. |
| 42612 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Phyllis |
Yeah you have this sexy glow. |
| 42613 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Gabe |
It's one of the most common fetishes. |
| 42614 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Pam |
Really well thank you all. |
| 42615 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Toby |
You know it's not just pregnant women who don't get their due. You know who's gorgeous? Helen Mirren. |
| 42616 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Ryan |
Yes! Have you seen her in a bikini? Amazing? |
| 42617 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Toby |
You know what would be the hottest thing ever? It's a pregnant Helen Mirren. |
| 42618 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Dwight |
Ok ok ok no no no. This is disgusting. You realize what you're saying? The hottest thing ever would be a 66 year old pregnant woman. |
| 42619 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Oscar |
In this case yes. |
| 42620 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Dwight |
No! There are universal biological standards of beauty and attraction. And you are purposefully celebrating the opposite of them to mollycoddle a pregnant woman. |
| 42621 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Phyllis |
No we're not. |
| 42622 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6387 |
Dwight |
Yes you are. And another thing. Helen Mirren was born Helen Mironov. That's right. You're fake salivating over a Soviet era Russian. |
| 42623 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Ske-be-do-bah-bap-bah-de, ske-be-de-bapa-de-bapa-boopa-dooten-bebe-daten-booray. |
| 42624 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Darryl |
Nice scatting, man. |
| 42625 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Thank you. I think I said doop instead of boop at one point. |
| 42626 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Val |
Not bad fellas, you're better than you look. |
| 42627 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Kevin |
Hey, screw you! |
| 42628 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Hey Robert, are we meeting early? |
| 42629 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Robert |
Just taking a stroll. What exactly have I stumbled upon here? |
| 42630 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Well we're all musicians and we play together sometimes. |
| 42631 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Robert |
You're a band. |
| 42632 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 42633 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Kevin |
We're called Kevin and the Zits. |
| 42634 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Darryl |
That was never agreed upon. |
| 42635 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Robert |
I miss being in a band. |
| 42636 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Miss no more! What do you play? Join us! |
| 42637 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Kevin |
I have a tambourine. |
| 42638 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Robert |
Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right? |
| 42639 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends. |
| 42640 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Robert |
I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car. |
| 42641 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Andy |
Great! |
| 42642 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Kevin |
Nice guys, Robert is going to be a Zit! |
| 42643 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6388 |
Darryl |
Again, never agreed upon. |
| 42644 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6389 |
Andy |
I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to be in our band! And when you're in a rock and roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life! |
| 42645 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6389 |
Darryl |
Usually that life is short and tragic. That's okay, right? |
| 42646 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6389 |
Andy |
Yeah, even cooler. |
| 42647 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6389 |
Kevin |
We all got to go sometime. |
| 42648 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 42649 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 42650 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
Helen Mirren. Hot? |
| 42651 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
Yeah. Super pretty. |
| 42652 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
Huh. What about Cathy? |
| 42653 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
The temp? |
| 42654 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
Yeah. Do you think she's hot? |
| 42655 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 42656 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
I'm not asking if you're in to her. Just, objectively, do you find her attractive? |
| 42657 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
And I'm telling you, I don't. |
| 42658 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Pam |
You don't find Cathy attractive? |
| 42659 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6390 |
Jim |
No, I don't. |
| 42660 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6391 |
Jim |
No, I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody. |
| 42661 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6392 |
Pam |
Look at her. Even I want some fries with that shake. |
| 42662 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6392 |
Jim |
Okay. Uh, I don't. So are we good? |
| 42663 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6392 |
Dwight |
That's just absurd. |
| 42664 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6392 |
Pam |
Yes, because she's hot, right? |
| 42665 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6392 |
Dwight |
Her breasts are large, her waist is small, her reproductive health in ample evidence. And facial symmetry- come on. |
| 42666 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6393 |
Pam |
The thing about pregnancy is people treat you differently. Like you're a kid almost. They lose all sense of boundaries. They start acting weird, telling you things that clearly aren't true. I know it sounds nuts, but I think Dwight is the only one who's telling me the truth. |
| 42667 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Dwight, am I hot right now? |
| 42668 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction. |
| 42669 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
What about before? Was I attractive before? |
| 42670 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Meh... you were at your most attractive when you were 24 with a slight, gradual decline and a steep drop-off when you got pregnant for the first time. Gradual recovery and, uh, well now, obviously, you're at an all-time low. |
| 42671 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Hmm. I think Jim's lying to me about not being attracted to Cathy. |
| 42672 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
You think Jim's lying? That's so cute. I know he's lying. |
| 42673 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Five bucks if you can get him to admit it. |
| 42674 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Done. I never touch a pregnant woman. |
| 42675 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Yep, that's the Dwight I need. |
| 42676 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
If we're going to work together, we need some ground rules. |
| 42677 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 42678 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Rule one: our only loyalty is to the truth. |
| 42679 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
I think so. Okay. |
| 42680 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Rule two: we stop at nothing. |
| 42681 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Well, what does that... is that... okay. |
| 42682 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Dwight |
Rule three: Don't fall in love. |
| 42683 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6394 |
Pam |
Yep, good. |
| 42684 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6395 |
Dwight |
We're gonna bust this guy. |
| 42685 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6395 |
Pam |
Honesty is very important to me. |
| 42686 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6395 |
Dwight |
So important. And then we will destroy the man himself. |
| 42687 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6395 |
Pam |
Let's just see how we feel when we get there. |
| 42688 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6396 |
Kelly |
Well, you came to the right person. You have to follow your intuition, Pam. You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. Actually, what am I saying, you wish you had her life- no offense, Pam. |
| 42689 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6396 |
Dwight |
None taken. What do you got? |
| 42690 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6396 |
Kelly |
It is called the matchmaker test, and it is very powerful. Basically we have Pam ask Jim which of his friends he would set up with Cathy. If Jim picks a really hot friend, then we know that he thinks that Cathy's hot. |
| 42691 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6396 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 42692 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Robert |
Hey, you found us! |
| 42693 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Curtis |
You guys sound great, man. |
| 42694 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Robert |
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician and the officiate at my wedding. |
| 42695 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Darryl |
Local musician? Local legend! I used to come hear you play every week at the Deerhead. |
| 42696 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Kevin |
Dude, you're on TV! You're the sportscaster on channel seven. |
| 42697 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Drummer |
Go Eagles! |
| 42698 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Kevin |
You do that on TV! |
| 42699 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Robert |
You guys mind if they join us? |
| 42700 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Andy |
Yeah, absolutely! |
| 42701 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Kevin |
Guys, I've got some instruments right here. |
| 42702 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Darryl |
Hey, why don't you and me play those? |
| 42703 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Kevin |
Yeah? Okay, this is awesome. |
| 42704 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Robert |
What should we play? |
| 42705 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Kevin |
Maybe we should warm up with some scales? |
| 42706 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Robert |
Midnight Rambler? |
| 42707 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Curtis |
Yeah. |
| 42708 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Andy |
Midnight what? |
| 42709 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6397 |
Curtis |
Have you heard about the midnight rambler? Hey, come on in, baby. Yeah! |
| 42710 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Pam |
Hey, I was talking to Cathy. Turns out she is single. |
| 42711 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Jim |
Oh, I stand corrected. |
| 42712 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Pam |
I thought it might be fun to set her up with someone. Any ideas? |
| 42713 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Jim |
Oh, you know who might be good? Mike Tibbets. |
| 42714 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Pam |
Mike Tibbets, really? |
| 42715 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 42716 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Ryan |
Hey, who's this Mike Tibbets guy? What kind of car does he drive? |
| 42717 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Jim |
Not his mom's car. |
| 42718 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Ryan |
Yeah, 'cause his mom's car's probably not a Nissan Z. |
| 42719 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6398 |
Jim |
Touche? |
| 42720 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Kelly |
Eww! |
| 42721 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Pam |
Kelly, calm down. |
| 42722 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Kelly |
I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs. |
| 42723 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Pam |
I don't think Jim cares about his hair. |
| 42724 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Kelly |
Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person. |
| 42725 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Dwight |
I don't see what's so ugly about him. He's got the broad face of a brewer. |
| 42726 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Pam |
Jim's on to me. |
| 42727 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Dwight |
Hmm? |
| 42728 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Pam |
Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike. We had to go through like two levels of friends to even find his profile. Jim picked someone just unattractive enough to shut me up without tipping it. |
| 42729 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Dwight |
Just ugly enough to have deniability. |
| 42730 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6399 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 42731 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6400 |
Jim |
Mike Tibbets is like the most boring-looking guy I know. So if that was for the matchmaker test, I think I'm in the clear. If that wasn't for the matchmaker test, then... Cathy, he's a really nice guy. |
| 42732 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Dwight |
Well, Jim may be lying with his words, but he can't lie with his body. |
| 42733 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Kelly |
I'm gonna write something mean on his wall. |
| 42734 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Pam |
No, Kelly, don't. |
| 42735 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Dwight |
The male reveals attraction through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. The puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch. I say we start there. |
| 42736 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Pam, Kelly |
With the crotch? |
| 42737 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6401 |
Dwight |
With the crotch. |
| 42738 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6402 |
Kevin |
Whoo! |
| 42739 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Psst. We're not here. |
| 42740 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Creed |
Who said that? |
| 42741 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Exactly. |
| 42742 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Creed |
How'd I get this long triangle? |
| 42743 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Okay, just shut it. |
| 42744 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Pam |
Is he puffing out his chest? |
| 42745 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that? |
| 42746 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Pam |
No. Maybe he just said something funny. |
| 42747 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that. |
| 42748 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Pam |
I think he's just making her laugh. |
| 42749 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Time for me to find out. |
| 42750 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Pam |
Why's he making her laugh so much? |
| 42751 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Just going to walk over here- whoa, whoa, I'm slipping and falling! Oh, stumbling, I need something to grab on to! |
| 42752 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Jim |
Dwight! |
| 42753 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Cathy |
Are you okay? |
| 42754 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
I'm fine, I'm totally fine. |
| 42755 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Jim |
Dwight! Dwight! |
| 42756 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Yes? Wha- Jim. |
| 42757 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Jim |
Sorry about that. |
| 42758 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Aw, cramp, I'm just- |
| 42759 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Jim |
Dwight! Why? |
| 42760 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry, I fell down, Mr. Balance. |
| 42761 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Jim |
Leave. |
| 42762 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6403 |
Dwight |
Does your husband have very soft erections? Because if not, I just grabbed a very soft pen1s for nothing. |
| 42763 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6404 |
Pam |
Why was he making her laugh so much? |
| 42764 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, I'll just be a second. |
| 42765 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Cathy |
Yeah, take your time. |
| 42766 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 42767 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Cathy |
Oh, that line from Zoolander? |
| 42768 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm? |
| 42769 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Cathy |
It was from a deleted scene so we were both right. |
| 42770 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Jim |
Told you. |
| 42771 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Cathy |
Um, do I hand in my expense reports to a particular accountant or- |
| 42772 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Oscar, Cathy has a question! |
| 42773 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Cathy |
Sorry, um, I'll just go ask Oscar. |
| 42774 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 42775 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Jim |
You okay? |
| 42776 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Why won't you just admit that she's attractive? It's kind of annoying that you won't say it. |
| 42777 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Jim |
Okay, what can I do to make you believe me? |
| 42778 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6405 |
Pam |
Well, Dwight had this idea, and I thought it was kind of crazy. But maybe that's where we are now. |
| 42779 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6406 |
Dwight |
She called it crazy? Aw, man, that's insulting. All I did was propose a makeshift lie-detector test. Monitoring his blood pressure, pulse, perspiration, and breathing rate. |
| 42780 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6407 |
Pam |
Yeah, its nuts. But I don't know what else to do. |
| 42781 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6408 |
Dwight |
And she called it nuts? |
| 42782 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Darryl |
Seriously, that was hot. Feel like you and the newsman had a groove going. |
| 42783 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Kevin |
Mm-hmm. |
| 42784 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Andy |
Did you know that Lisa toured with Chaka Khan? |
| 42785 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Kevin |
Are you serious? From Star Trek? |
| 42786 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Darryl |
Hey, you caught some of that? |
| 42787 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Val |
I caught it. |
| 42788 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Darryl |
What, you don't like the blues? |
| 42789 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Val |
I might enjoy seeing you guys play the blues. |
| 42790 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Andy |
Well, we are playing. We're all playing together. These are our jam buddies. It's a jam session. We go where the music takes us. |
| 42791 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6409 |
Val |
I think the music left without you. |
| 42792 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 42793 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Jim |
Stop shoving me. |
| 42794 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
Stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my pen1s. Grow up. Take off your jacket and take a seat. When it lies, the human body exhibits many telltale signs. |
| 42795 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 42796 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Pam |
This could all go away if you just tell me the truth. |
| 42797 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Old Man |
Uh, are you all in line? |
| 42798 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
Why don't you go check out the sympathy cards, old man? Now I'm going to ask you just a few simple questions. Wait for this to constrict. Here we go. Is your name Jim Halpert? |
| 42799 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Jim |
Si. |
| 42800 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Pam |
Wait, that's it? That's the question you're going to ask him? |
| 42801 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
We have to start with a baseline question to establish what the truth is. |
| 42802 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Old Man |
You have to share the machine with others. |
| 42803 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
Well, that's what they taught me in my 19th century kindergarten. |
| 42804 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Jim |
Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first. |
| 42805 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Old Man |
Thank you. |
| 42806 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Dwight |
Jim, are you serious? |
| 42807 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6410 |
Jim |
Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush. |
| 42808 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6411 |
Andy |
Maybe we could switch instruments. |
| 42809 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6411 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 42810 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6411 |
Andy |
'Cause, uh, my body's starting to get bruised. |
| 42811 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6411 |
Darryl |
Yeah, maybe everyone move one instrument to the right? |
| 42812 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Andy |
We had to leave because of creative differences. |
| 42813 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Darryl |
Yeah they kind of had a specific sound that didn't really fit in with our thing. |
| 42814 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Kevin |
Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now. |
| 42815 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Darryl |
No man, we are. |
| 42816 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Andy |
Well- |
| 42817 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6412 |
Darryl |
No, no, no. |
| 42818 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6413 |
Dwight |
Okay, you're done. |
| 42819 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6413 |
Old Man |
I have a new heart, you know. |
| 42820 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6413 |
Dwight |
Do you really, Tin Man? Okay, where were we? |
| 42821 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6414 |
Jim |
No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time. |
| 42822 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
Do you find Cathy Simms attractive? |
| 42823 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
No. |
| 42824 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
Yep, he's lying. |
| 42825 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Ah, see, was that so hard? |
| 42826 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
I am not lying. |
| 42827 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 42828 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test? |
| 42829 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
I would listen to my homemade test, because your husband is definitely lying. In fact, he's lied about every question. Even his name. Who are you really? |
| 42830 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Wait, what? |
| 42831 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
Look at the numbers. Every single time, it's come up 150 over 100. Your husband is a pathological liar. |
| 42832 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Jim, you have high blood pressure. |
| 42833 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
Oh, he is definitely attracted to her. |
| 42834 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Doesn't your dad have high blood pressure? |
| 42835 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
Yeah, but I don't smoke. |
| 42836 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
When was the last time you went to the doctor? |
| 42837 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
I don't know. |
| 42838 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
It's important to go every month and get your prostate checked. You can do it at home by yourself with your finger. You just stick it- |
| 42839 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Dwight, stop. I'm not kidding, I mean, I need you to take care of yourself. What would we do if something happened to you? |
| 42840 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
Okay, easy. Trust me, I'm around for the long-haul. |
| 42841 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
It's not really your choice, is it? Death waits for no man. |
| 42842 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 42843 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Come on, let's go. I wanna call your doctor. |
| 42844 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
Doesn't it worry you in the slightest that Jim is not his real name? |
| 42845 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Pam |
Just go home. It doesn't matter. |
| 42846 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Dwight |
But... hey, Cece's toothbrush. |
| 42847 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6415 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 42848 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Andy, Darryl |
Oh baby I love your way. |
| 42849 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Darryl |
Every day. |
| 42850 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Andy, Darryl |
Wanna be with you night and day. |
| 42851 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Darryl, Kevin |
And day. |
| 42852 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Andy, Darryl |
Oh baby I love your way. |
| 42853 |
8 |
7 |
Pam's Replacement |
6416 |
Andy |
Rudit-do-do-do-di-do. |
| 42854 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Gabe |
The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients- |
| 42855 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Kelly |
Oh my God, kill me! |
| 42856 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Andy |
Hey! All right, obviously we all want to die but we have to get through this. So, Gabe go ahead. It's okay. |
| 42857 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Gabe |
Oh, is it okay with you? Because if it's not, you work for me, so... Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, policies and contracts governing our business. Be honest, fair- |
| 42858 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Pam |
I'm gonna do it. |
| 42859 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Gabe |
And trustworthy in all your business activities and relationships. Treat one another- |
| 42860 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Pam |
Oh! I'm going into labor! Oh my goodness! |
| 42861 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6417 |
Jim |
Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody! |
| 42862 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6418 |
Pam |
I know it's wrong to fake going into labor just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary. |
| 42863 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6419 |
Pam |
: I'm going into labor! |
| 42864 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6420 |
Phyllis |
Or should I have corndogs. I mean- |
| 42865 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6420 |
Pam |
I'm going into labor! |
| 42866 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6421 |
Ryan |
Okay, three reasons you are wrong about True Blood. Number one- |
| 42867 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6421 |
Pam |
I'm going into labor. |
| 42868 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
Here we go! |
| 42869 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Andy |
Hey guys, uh, can't keep saying you're going into labor. Everyone knows you're full of it. |
| 42870 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Kelly |
Yeah. |
| 42871 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Oscar |
It's not fair, you guys. |
| 42872 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Kelly |
Pitiful. |
| 42873 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Meredith |
It's stupid. |
| 42874 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Andy |
Never cry wolf. |
| 42875 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 42876 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 42877 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 42878 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
Oh! Oh! |
| 42879 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Everyone |
Oh! Oh my goodness! |
| 42880 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Jim |
Oh my God! |
| 42881 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
I'm really in labor! This is happening! |
| 42882 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Jim |
Okay guys, here we go! We'll see you! |
| 42883 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 42884 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Jim |
How do you feel? |
| 42885 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Erin |
Drive carefully! |
| 42886 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Oscar |
Good luck! |
| 42887 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Everyone |
Goodbye! Good luck! |
| 42888 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6422 |
Pam |
False alarm. |
| 42889 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6423 |
Andy |
What?! They took another client from us? Okay, bye. Man! Business is war! Customers, clients- it's like a war out there. |
| 42890 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6424 |
Andy |
I am a leader. But you can only inspire people so much in a place like this. So today I'm turning the inspire-factor up to ten with a little help from my friend America's bloodiest battle. |
| 42891 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Andy |
Why even read business books? We should be studying war. Going to places like Gettysburg. Where is that? |
| 42892 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Erin |
It's right here in PA. |
| 42893 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Andy |
Well we should take a fieldtrip there. I mean, that would be so cool. I wonder if that bus downstairs is- |
| 42894 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Angela |
Okay, Andy, we get it. It's a trip to Gettysburg. |
| 42895 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Andy |
That sounds super inspiring! I'm in! |
| 42896 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Dwight |
Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting. Second-most northern battle in the Civil War. |
| 42897 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Oscar |
Actually it is the northernmost. |
| 42898 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6425 |
Dwight |
Ha! |
| 42899 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6426 |
Dwight |
The Civil War history industry has conveniently forgotten about the battle of Schrute Farms. Whatever. I'm over it. It's just grossly irresponsible. |
| 42900 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Andy |
Charge! |
| 42901 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Phyllis |
Well, this could be fun. I- |
| 42902 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Andy |
Yeah, well, the bus has free wifi and I made special low-sugar lunches for everyone. And is anyone kosher or halal? |
| 42903 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Ryan |
What's the halal option? |
| 42904 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Andy |
Dates, tabbouleh, and a bagel with cream cheese. |
| 42905 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Ryan |
Out. |
| 42906 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Andy |
You know, it's the same as the kosher option. There's a lesson in there. I mean, I can't force you to go. You're not my slaves. Thanks to Gettysburg. But... who's coming with me? |
| 42907 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Erin |
I'm in. |
| 42908 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Phyllis |
I'm in too. |
| 42909 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Dwight |
Guess I'm a sucker for historical fiction. |
| 42910 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Andy |
Anyone who's not going, you're dead to me. You're uninvited. I don't want you to come. But, FYI, there will be leftover turkey and pesto sammies in the fridge. |
| 42911 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6427 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 42912 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6428 |
Andy |
One for you. |
| 42913 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6428 |
Erin |
Cool. Thanks. |
| 42914 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6428 |
Andy |
And one for you. |
| 42915 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6428 |
Jim |
Cool. Thanks. |
| 42916 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6428 |
Andy |
And- oh. You missed your head. There you go. Phyllis, think fast! |
| 42917 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Andy |
All right, guys, a little foreplay before we do it. Fans of Ken Burns' Jazz will most certainly enjoy Civil War. |
| 42918 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Darryl |
You know, I just got Limitless on my iPad. I bet I could get it on the TV. |
| 42919 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Phyllis |
Ooh. Isn't that the one where the guy becomes limitless? |
| 42920 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Andy |
It's just not appropri- I mean, if we were going to visit Bradley Cooper's birthplace, I'd be the first one suggesting it. I'd be rooting for it. |
| 42921 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Everyone |
Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! |
| 42922 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6429 |
Andy |
All right, all right, all right. |
| 42923 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Kevin |
Not food and stuff. |
| 42924 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Pam |
Here. Like it? |
| 42925 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Kevin |
Oh, if you buy the picnic table then you've got to get the fire pit. |
| 42926 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Pam |
I can't get a fire pit. I have two babies. |
| 42927 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Kevin |
The fire pit is a no-brainer. |
| 42928 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Robert |
Oh, hi there. |
| 42929 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Pam |
Plants and- hi, Robert! Hey, um, how are you doing? Good to see you again. |
| 42930 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Robert |
Where is everyone? Where is Andy? |
| 42931 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Kelly |
Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg. |
| 42932 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Robert |
Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. But what we have here... is perhaps better. By not going on the trip, you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office. |
| 42933 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Ryan |
Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freaking moon. |
| 42934 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6430 |
Robert |
So, here what we can do. Game changers- changes to the game such that the game can never be played the same way again. Everyone, brainstorm some innovations. Don't be afraid to get weird with it. Meredith! Excited! |
| 42935 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6431 |
Kevin |
Okay. |
| 42936 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
You guys... |
| 42937 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Darryl |
J-j-j-ju... |
| 42938 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Get excited! |
| 42939 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Darryl |
Shh! Movie's almost over. |
| 42940 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
All right! We're here. Limitless can wait. |
| 42941 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Gabe |
Fun fact. In France, they call Limitless 'The Man with Many Capabilities.' |
| 42942 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Woo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen the eighteen hundreds await you. We can watch Limitless on the way back. |
| 42943 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Darryl |
I got Source Code on the way back. |
| 42944 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Everyone |
Ooh! All right! |
| 42945 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Woo! |
| 42946 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Whoa, where you going? |
| 42947 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Jim |
Visitor center. Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right? |
| 42948 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Yeah, we're not going to the visitor center. We're not tourists. |
| 42949 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Jim |
No, of course we're not tourists. We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour. |
| 42950 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, sign says "Begin tour here." |
| 42951 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6432 |
Andy |
Unless you're going on the very specially-created and meticulously-researched Andy Bernard tour. |
| 42952 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Andy |
After Chancellorsville, Lee brought his army up the Shenandoah Valley, right through here! They stopped in this field for a picnic, which they called lunch. |
| 42953 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Yeah, but I'm confused... |
| 42954 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Total deaths belongs to Gettysburg but when you're talking about D.P.A., that's deaths per acre... |
| 42955 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Mm-hmm. |
| 42956 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
...nothing beats the battle of Schrute Farms. |
| 42957 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Oh. D.P.A. sounds way more important that total deaths. |
| 42958 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Oh, it is. And you should read some of these letters that the soldiers wrote home. I mean, it makes the battle of Gettysburg sound like a bunch of schoolgirls wrestling over a hairbrush. I'm telling you, they're heartbreaking too. So beautifully written. |
| 42959 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Dwight, what are you telling this girl? |
| 42960 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
The truth. |
| 42961 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Stop filling her head with nonsense, okay? She doesn't know any better. |
| 42962 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Oscar, I am so glad you just got here. I would've believed everything he said. |
| 42963 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
No, no, no! You're filling her head with nonsense. You and the history books. I'm telling the truth. |
| 42964 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Interesting. |
| 42965 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Yes, thank you. All of history has been whitewashed. |
| 42966 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Really? Why don't you tell us the real history, Gore Vidal? |
| 42967 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Okay, I will. I don't know who that is, but I'm gonna tell you this- |
| 42968 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
he's a historian. |
| 42969 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Gettysburg was very important. Credit where credit is due, okay? Big, mad props to Gettysburg. Was it, however, the most northern battle of the civil war? |
| 42970 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Yes, yes, yes! |
| 42971 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Not by a long shot! |
| 42972 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
No! |
| 42973 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Yes! |
| 42974 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
No, it was not! |
| 42975 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Argh! |
| 42976 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
No, it was not. Was it the second-most northern? |
| 42977 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 42978 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Sure! I will cede it was the second-most northernmost battle! |
| 42979 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Oscar |
Erin- |
| 42980 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Dwight |
Was it the northernmost? No. Get out of here, Oscar. |
| 42981 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6433 |
Erin |
Get out of here! |
| 42982 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Robert |
I am so eager to hear your game-changers. Let's dig in, shall we? |
| 42983 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Ryan |
May I go first? |
| 42984 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Robert |
Absolutely. |
| 42985 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Ryan |
Raw fish- the disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now, we can't get enough of it. From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what's for dinner. Let me throw another idea at you. Origami. What? The crazy art of paper folding from, that's right, Japan. Don't you wish you could go back to 1980 and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan? We can do that! With... origami. It's the sushi of paper. |
| 42986 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Robert |
This idea hasn't gripped me. What else did you come up with? |
| 42987 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Ryan |
Well I had to memorize the presentation, Robert, and it took a long time to build the swan, so- |
| 42988 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6434 |
Robert |
That was bad. |
| 42989 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6435 |
Stanley |
If your woman is like mine, I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time. This paper is so hard. It scratches. Why can't there be a paper just for me? Well now there is. 'Papyr.' Paper for women. It's pink, scented and silky soft. Now, you can watch the game and she can write a letter to her sister. |
| 42990 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6435 |
Robert |
The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with. |
| 42991 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6435 |
Stanley |
In the African-American community- |
| 42992 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6435 |
Robert |
No. |
| 42993 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6435 |
Stanley |
Thought it was worth a try. |
| 42994 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Darryl |
That's fascinating. Tell me, what's the significance of the peach orchard, thought? |
| 42995 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Park Ranger |
Oh, well, that's a great question. Actually some of the most- |
| 42996 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Dwight |
Excuse me, I got a question for you. |
| 42997 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Park Ranger |
Sure. |
| 42998 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Dwight |
Can you tell us about the battle of Schrute Farms? |
| 42999 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Park Ranger |
Uh, I haven't heard of that one. |
| 43000 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Dwight |
Really. Okay, follow-up question. How much are they paying you to keep your mouth shut? |
| 43001 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Oscar |
I apologize for my friend and for the Republicans who are cutting your funding. |
| 43002 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Andy |
We don't need to bother this poor gentleman. I know exactly where we're going. Giddy up! Tallyho! |
| 43003 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Chelsea |
Are you Lincoln? |
| 43004 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6436 |
Gabe |
No, no, I'm- |
| 43005 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6437 |
Gabe |
Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln. Makes it kind of hard for me to go to places like museums, historical monuments, elementary schools... I don't see it. |
| 43006 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6437 |
Chelsea's Mom |
Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture. |
| 43007 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6437 |
Gabe |
Okay, Quick. |
| 43008 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6437 |
Man |
Hey! Lincoln's starting. |
| 43009 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6437 |
Gabe |
Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm, uh, I'm actually with a tour group myself, so- Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Some people call me the great emancipator, but, uh, you might know me from the penny. |
| 43010 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6438 |
Pam |
Okay. You know the test booklets that they give out in all the schools. I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back that people would mail in to us... and as, you know, as I tell it, I don't like it. Unless, of course, you are responding to it. |
| 43011 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6438 |
Robert |
I am not. |
| 43012 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6438 |
Pam |
Um, excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. |
| 43013 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6439 |
Pam |
At this point, when you're this pregnant, it's kind of like senior spring. The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet. |
| 43014 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6440 |
Robert |
Kevin, you've been quiet. I'm curious to know what your game-changer is. |
| 43015 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6440 |
Kevin |
Well, you know how in the vending machine they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot? They do that 'cause they think A-1's the best spot for the best cookie. But the real best spot is D-4. Right? That's where the eyes go. So... |
| 43016 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6440 |
Robert |
Cookies. Cookie placement. |
| 43017 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6440 |
Kevin |
Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. That was just a 'for instance.' |
| 43018 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6440 |
Robert |
Who else agrees with Kevin, that we're wasting facilities, manpower, on our underselling products when we should be pushing our top-performers? There you go. Consensus. |
| 43019 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6441 |
Ryan |
Okay, we are now on a planet where Kevin is the most creative person around, and I am just some good-looking guy. |
| 43020 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6442 |
Gabe |
I just don't understand. It's 1865, victory is ours, I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... happiness eludes me. Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits. |
| 43021 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6442 |
Audience |
No! |
| 43022 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6443 |
Kevin |
'Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them? I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, but other than that... like, forget it. |
| 43023 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6443 |
Robert |
Interesting. So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants? |
| 43024 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6443 |
Stanley |
how about that two-hole-punch letter? Only the lawyers want that punch at the top and they use legal. |
| 43025 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6443 |
Robert |
That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic. |
| 43026 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6443 |
Kevin |
Thank you. |
| 43027 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Jim |
By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus? |
| 43028 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Andy |
Let's talk about food for a second. Food for thought. |
| 43029 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Jim |
Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry. |
| 43030 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Andy |
Hunger! Hunger for victory! Hunger for honor. Hunger for pride. |
| 43031 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Darryl |
Hunger for hamburger. |
| 43032 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Erin |
Hunger for chicken chimichangas. Right, Darryl? |
| 43033 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Darryl |
That's good. |
| 43034 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Andy |
Exactly. Now do you know the Civil War soldiers were hungry for? Pride! Now, each battalion had its own flag and they guarded these flags with their lives. Colonel Harrison Jeffords of the Fourth Michigan Infantry saw his flag being carried away, chased it down with nothing but a sword. Fought tooth and nail at the foot of that flag until he died. He wasn't about to let them have that flag. Pride. Right, guys? I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin. Cost me two hundred dollars. |
| 43035 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Jim |
Only two hundred dollars? |
| 43036 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Andy |
We are all branches on this tree. And from the tree comes paper. We're all part of a business. But business is war. What's that I hear? Uh, a rebel paper company is coming to take our flag! Wha- what's going on here? Wee-hoo! Come and get it! Who's gonna get the flag? Who's getting it? Whoa! Hey! Ho! Don't look where I am, look where I'm going. Juke right, juke left. |
| 43037 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Darryl |
Andy, this is inappropriate. People died here, man. |
| 43038 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6444 |
Andy |
Get the flag! Get the flag! Come on, Big Tuna. What you gonna do about it? We got a flag right here. Wee-hoo! |
| 43039 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Andy |
Spangler Springs is a mile this way. |
| 43040 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Jim |
Oh wow. So that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back. |
| 43041 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Andy |
Its... I mean come on. |
| 43042 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Phyllis |
I don't think I should walk anymore. You know all I had for breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice and toast. Two poached eggs. And then half a sandwich on the bus. |
| 43043 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Andy |
Alright fine. You know what ⓠI guess this place just hasn't rubbed off on you the way I hoped it would. I'm still going. And I'm not going to ask anymore. I'm not even going to look back. I'm just going to assume that you're with me. |
| 43044 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6445 |
Dwight |
You said you weren't going to look back. |
| 43045 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6446 |
Robert |
And why is Black Rock suddenly the paragon by which all hedge funds must now be compared? |
| 43046 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6446 |
Kevin |
I don't know. |
| 43047 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6446 |
Robert |
Right. I mean you're an accountant. Those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane. |
| 43048 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6446 |
Kevin |
Yes. I am an accountant. |
| 43049 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Oscar |
Dwight ⓠthis is one of the archivists here. I thought maybe we could consult him. |
| 43050 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 43051 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 43052 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Dwight |
Well. Anyone employed by the Gettysburg Industrial Complex is certainly going to want to keep quiet about the Battle of Schrute Farms. |
| 43053 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Archivist |
Schrute Farms did you say? That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil War. |
| 43054 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Oscar |
You've heard about it? |
| 43055 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6447 |
Dwight |
YES! Ha! Prepare to be refuted! Go on. |
| 43056 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Archivist |
There you go. |
| 43057 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Narrator |
Families and sweethearts back home waited desperately for letters from the front. |
| 43058 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Soldier |
Dearest mother I'm sorry it has been so long since my last letter. It is three months since I arrived at Schrute Farms and I fear I may never leave this place alive. Melvin Fifer Garris. |
| 43059 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Dwight |
Hallowed ground. |
| 43060 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Narrator |
But the Battle at Schrute Farms was no battle at all. It was a code used by pacifists from both North and South who turned the Pennsylvania farmhouse into an artistic community and a refuge from the war. |
| 43061 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Amanda |
on film] You have to understand. Poets, artists, dancers ⓠthese kind of men preferred peace to war. These delicate lovely men found a place of refuge among the Schrutes at Schrute Farms. Amidst the macho brutality of war this was a place where dandies and dreamers could put on plays and sing tender ballads and dance in the moonlight. I like to think of Schrute Farms as the Underground Railroad for the sensitive... and well... fabulous. |
| 43062 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Oscar |
Wow. This is so much better than the story you made up. |
| 43063 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Dwight |
I've seen enough. |
| 43064 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6448 |
Oscar |
You're right. There should be a monument to this. |
| 43065 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Kevin |
Never trust a cookie with a woman's name. Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeline. They'll just break your heart. |
| 43066 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Robert |
Kevin! |
| 43067 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Ryan |
Robert I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea. |
| 43068 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Kevin |
What?!? No! |
| 43069 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Robert |
Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging. |
| 43070 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Ryan |
It's really, really good Robert. Let me explain. |
| 43071 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Kevin |
No! This is not fair! This is my idea. He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me. |
| 43072 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Robert |
Well what is the idea? |
| 43073 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Kevin |
Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands. |
| 43074 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Ryan |
You know what? Now I remember. That was your idea. That is 100 percent your idea. |
| 43075 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6449 |
Robert |
Oh my. It was just actually cookies the whole time? |
| 43076 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
Dammit. |
| 43077 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Darryl |
Hey. |
| 43078 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
You guys came. Where's everyone else? |
| 43079 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Darryl |
Back at the bus. We were locked out. Phyllis is sitting on the ground eating a dirty sandwich. |
| 43080 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
Yeah I asked the bus driver to lock it because our stuff was in there. I guess he follows orders. |
| 43081 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Jim |
Yeah sorry everyone else didn't come. I think they're just tired. With holes in their shoes. And they have dysentery. |
| 43082 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
Even without an audience you're still at it. |
| 43083 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? |
| 43084 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
Our office has a disease. And it goes by many names. Sarcasm. Snark. Wisecracks. You take things people care about and you make them feel lame about it with your jokes. That's what you did with this trip. |
| 43085 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Jim |
Andy ⓠthis whole idea of our situation being just like war? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. Andy if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure "DM does GB" means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge. |
| 43086 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
You don't like the hats? |
| 43087 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Jim |
They're terrible. |
| 43088 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Darryl |
I hate myself. |
| 43089 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6450 |
Andy |
They just didn't turn out how I wanted. In my head they were cooler, but they do look weird. |
| 43090 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6451 |
Andy |
The world will little note, nor long remember the fight Jim and I had here at Gettysburg and that's good because I was basically wrong. I wanted my team to be, like, this army and I was their general. But I guess it's really more like they're just people who work in an office and I'm their manager. Yeah that's really probably a better analogy now that I think about it. |
| 43091 |
8 |
8 |
Gettysburg |
6452 |
Gabe |
Abe and Mary are seated watching the show. Oh Mary this is wonderful... Ok Mary stop your scolding. I'll be quiet. I need her like I need a hole in the head! BANG! Ooh |
| 43092 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6453 |
Dwight |
Oh, little help. Wow your hair is really thinning. |
| 43093 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6454 |
Dwight |
Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR. |
| 43094 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Dwight |
Every second you sit there is an hour off your life. Look at all of you. I feel like you're in a suicide cult. |
| 43095 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Creed |
No. No. No. You're way off on that one. |
| 43096 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Dwight |
Oh yeah? |
| 43097 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Oscar |
Are you really comfortable standing there? I tried one of those and I just never hit the sweet spot. |
| 43098 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Jim |
Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right? |
| 43099 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6455 |
Dwight |
That's right Jim. |
| 43100 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Darryl |
Hey man. |
| 43101 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 43102 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Darryl |
Taking a load off huh? |
| 43103 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Dwight |
No. Putting a load on more like it. |
| 43104 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Darryl |
Good luck with that. |
| 43105 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6456 |
Dwight |
Last thing I need is luck. |
| 43106 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
Thank you so much. |
| 43107 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
What are you up to? Oops look out! |
| 43108 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? Give that back. Come on! |
| 43109 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
Prank! |
| 43110 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
Oh that's real creative. |
| 43111 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right? |
| 43112 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
I could, but I just don't feel like it loser. |
| 43113 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
Because you're sitting? |
| 43114 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
Standing. |
| 43115 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
Ok. |
| 43116 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
Don't! |
| 43117 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
Because you're sitting? |
| 43118 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
Standing. |
| 43119 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Jim |
You know I have to do this. |
| 43120 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6457 |
Dwight |
I know. |
| 43121 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Andy |
Andrew... Baines... Bernard. |
| 43122 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Jim |
I think you could just do Andy Bernard. |
| 43123 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Andy |
Andrew Baines Bernard. I love filling these out. Because it's like taking a test, but I know the answers. |
| 43124 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Robert |
In four seconds my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. There you are! Honey how on earth could you miss the elevator? |
| 43125 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Andy |
What was that? |
| 43126 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6458 |
Jim |
I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife. |
| 43127 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Ryan |
That's why my foundation ⓠThe Dream for a Wish Foundation ⓠis going to put them out of business. They're not going to know what hit them. |
| 43128 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Robert |
Everyone. I'd like to introduce my wife Mrs. Robert California. Mrs. California this is everyone. |
| 43129 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Susan |
Hello. Oh call me Susan please. |
| 43130 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Robert |
Last night at dinner Susan and I were talking about her returning to work. So she's here today to see if there's a good fit. Something tells me it just might work out. This is Andy Bernard the regional manager. |
| 43131 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Susan |
Hello nice to meet you. |
| 43132 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Andy |
Hey there. It's a pleasure. |
| 43133 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Robert |
Andy would you be so kind as to show Susan around the office. Show her the various departments. Find a place where she'll shine. |
| 43134 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Andy |
I would love to. But I have to be completely honest with you guys. We're 100 percent staffed up. |
| 43135 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Robert |
Andy. Let's see if there's a good fit first. Then we'll talk. |
| 43136 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6459 |
Andy |
Alright. |
| 43137 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Dwight |
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. |
| 43138 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Darryl |
You don't have to say it if you're doing it. |
| 43139 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Dwight |
Remember how you said that you were looking in the office to do calisthenics and aerobics? |
| 43140 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Darryl |
Uh weight lifting yeah. |
| 43141 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Dwight |
Well today's your lucky day. I have opened in this very office building Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. You wanna take a look? |
| 43142 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Darryl |
I'll take a look. |
| 43143 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6460 |
Dwight |
Your path from obesity begins right here! |
| 43144 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6461 |
Darryl |
I've been meaning to join a gym. For my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black President. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay President. Or a supermodel President. I want to see all the different kinds of Presidents. |
| 43145 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6462 |
Dwight |
Obese people in my office are a drain on resources. Chairs wear out faster, it takes more Freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often, plus their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes. But a gym turns fat into cash. |
| 43146 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6463 |
Andy |
Alright! The DM Express is pulling out. |
| 43147 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6463 |
Susan |
Well it was really nice to meet you Brian. |
| 43148 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6463 |
Ryan |
Actually Ryan. |
| 43149 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6463 |
Susan |
Oh, Ryan. |
| 43150 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6464 |
Ryan |
Bitttch! |
| 43151 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
We will start here at Erinville. |
| 43152 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Susan |
Hi. |
| 43153 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Erin |
Hoo-hoo! |
| 43154 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
Reception. Your classic one-man operation. |
| 43155 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Erin |
Although I was watching a movie and Merryl Streep had two secretaries. |
| 43156 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying. |
| 43157 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Robert |
Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance and success to our clients. Certainly worth exploring; wouldn't you agree Andy? |
| 43158 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
I'll explore exploring it. |
| 43159 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Robert |
Good. It seems like you have this under control. So I'll just duck out and run the company for a while. |
| 43160 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
Ok uh next stop on the tour sales. Here we go. Station stop Jim Halpert. Oh boy our resident truth teller. Alright have at it. Let â˜er rip. What do you hate about this place? |
| 43161 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Jim |
Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection. |
| 43162 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Dwight |
Maybe you do. Hi. I'm Dwight. Sales is really not so hard ok? It's paper. We have it and they want it so bad they are willing to pay for it. |
| 43163 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
Jim? |
| 43164 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Jim |
Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult. |
| 43165 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Dwight |
It's the second easiest job in the world. Being a mom. |
| 43166 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Susan |
I love shopping and sales is just the other side of that. |
| 43167 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Dwight |
That is true. |
| 43168 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
You know if you joined our sales department you would be working very closely with our department head Mr. Dwight Schrute. |
| 43169 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Dwight |
That's me. |
| 43170 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Andy |
Dwight why don't you tell Susan about some of your hobbies. Survival skills. Ranking of animals. |
| 43171 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Dwight |
Maybe over a beer after she's closed her first sale . |
| 43172 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6465 |
Susan |
Well make that a red wine and I'll tell you my animal rankings . |
| 43173 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6466 |
Andy |
Oh how am I supposed to pull this off? . The entire office is being nice to her than they've ever been to me. What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis' classic room clearing farts right now. |
| 43174 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Dwight |
Ready? What do you think? |
| 43175 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Darryl |
Um no. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5. |
| 43176 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Dwight |
You haven't even looked around yet. Look. Gravel bucket squat yoke Right? Dedicated phone book ripping station . You ever cut tin before? Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire. Plus I will buy the tin back from you that you cut for two cents a yard. Now let's go over membership. I'm going to need the first month's and the last month's up front. $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month... |
| 43177 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Darryl |
Obviously you know how a gym works. So you know I'm not going to pay money for this. You want people to come to your gym? Make a real gym. |
| 43178 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Dwight |
Darryl... |
| 43179 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6467 |
Darryl |
Make a real gym. |
| 43180 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Susan |
I was thinking accounting might be a good fit because I really clicked with Oscar and I do have some experience in bookkeeping. |
| 43181 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
But we already have a surplus of accountants as it is. |
| 43182 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Susan |
Uh I could work in customer service. HR even. |
| 43183 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
Those are fully staffed as well. |
| 43184 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Robert |
Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office that could use an extra pair of hands? |
| 43185 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 43186 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Robert |
I am the CEO and I am telling an employee of mine what to do. |
| 43187 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
Let me beat around the bush for a second. Our chairman of the board has some very strong feelings about- |
| 43188 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Susan |
Robert this is very uncomfortable. Obviously there's no place for me here. So thank you for trying. Why don't we just let it go. |
| 43189 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Robert |
No. Absolutely not. Andrew there must be something you can do. Think. |
| 43190 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
There are lots of considerations. |
| 43191 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Robert |
I would be eternally grateful. It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one. |
| 43192 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6468 |
Andy |
Alright. Well then welcome aboard. |
| 43193 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Susan |
So what happens next? |
| 43194 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Andy |
We get you over to HR and then we get you set up with accounting. Hang on. Hello? |
| 43195 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Robert |
Say hello grandma. |
| 43196 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Andy |
Hi gam-gam. |
| 43197 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Robert |
Hold one finger up to Susan. You'll just be a second. You numbskull. You were given a very simple task. I could not have been more clear with you. Now say, "are you taking your medicine?" |
| 43198 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Andy |
Are you taking your med-meds? |
| 43199 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Robert |
Why can you not say exactly what I tell you? Undo this. Undo it. |
| 43200 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Susan |
You didn't say goodbye to your grandma. |
| 43201 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6469 |
Andy |
We promised we'd never say goodbye. |
| 43202 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Dwight |
Attention! I am now accepting memberships for Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. The first 20 members can take advantage of the pay what you weigh promotion. |
| 43203 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Oscar |
All I need is another gym. As if I don't have enough drama. |
| 43204 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Phyllis |
We have a gym at home. It's called the bedroom. |
| 43205 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Oscar |
Who's spotting who? Don't use the bike in the corner. That's Bruce's. Jeremy says... |
| 43206 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Angela |
Enough Oscar, enough. |
| 43207 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Dwight |
Kelly? |
| 43208 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6470 |
Kelly |
I have these new sneakers which are basically like a gym for your feet. |
| 43209 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6471 |
Dwight |
That's okay. I know how to build a business. You gotta get the black people to do it to get the white people to do it. Then you gotta get the black people to stop doing it. One step at a time. |
| 43210 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Toby |
Did you bring your passport with you? |
| 43211 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Susan |
Who walks around with their passport? |
| 43212 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Toby |
Well, I do. Always ready for adventure. |
| 43213 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Susan |
Have you had any? |
| 43214 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Toby |
No. |
| 43215 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Andy |
Hey, uh, guys. So Robert doesn't want his wife working here. So now that she is, we have to drive her away. |
| 43216 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Oscar |
Andy, if he didn't want her working here then why did you hire her? |
| 43217 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Andy, Oscar |
it was a mistake. But one that can be fixed by all of us being mean to her. |
| 43218 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Kevin |
How can we do that? She's simply wonderful. |
| 43219 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Angela |
This is all pathetic. |
| 43220 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Andy |
I am not asking, I am ordering. |
| 43221 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Oscar |
How mean are we talking about? |
| 43222 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Andy |
It would be great if she were gone by lunch. Erin, you're up. Find her a place to work, but not too comfortable. |
| 43223 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6472 |
Erin |
Got it. I know exactly which stapler to give her. |
| 43224 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6473 |
Erin |
Here you go. |
| 43225 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6473 |
Susan |
Um, do you think it would be possible to move to that desk over there? Because this seems a bit cramped and I don't have a computer. |
| 43226 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6473 |
Erin |
Well that's a sales desk. |
| 43227 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6473 |
Kevin |
Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants. Just sit here and be quiet. And if you have a question, just raise your hand. But I'm gonna save you some time, sweetie, and give you the answer now. I. Don't. Know. |
| 43228 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6474 |
Jim |
No, I don't think we should be trying to make this place seem unpleasant. I think we should let this place just crush her spirit by itself. I mean, it knows what it's doing. |
| 43229 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
That's Gerald. |
| 43230 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Jim |
Oh, wow. So cute. |
| 43231 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Susan |
Oh, that is so cute- |
| 43232 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Phyllis |
Aw... He's so tiny. Is he in a ladle? |
| 43233 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
Yeah, he's in a ladle. |
| 43234 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Erin |
That's adorable. How on earth did you get him in a ladle? |
| 43235 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
He did it himself. |
| 43236 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Phyllis |
Is that ladle stainless or... |
| 43237 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
Oh, stainless. Williams Sonoma. |
| 43238 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Susan |
Excuse me, waiter, there's a dog in my soup. |
| 43239 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
It's not that kind of ladle. |
| 43240 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Jim |
Very cute. |
| 43241 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Susan |
Aw, let me see- |
| 43242 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6475 |
Oscar |
Ah, just the battery on these things. I'm sorry, I've got to recharge this. |
| 43243 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6476 |
Susan |
I get it. Last time I had a job, I remember I hated the boss' wife. Of course, she was married to Robert. |
| 43244 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
Your employees don't seem to be taking to me. |
| 43245 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Robert |
Andy! Andy, could you step in here, please? We'll fix this. |
| 43246 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
What is going on? |
| 43247 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Robert |
Please. Andrew, my wife... has brought up an issue that requires your attention. So, uh, if you'll excuse me, I should step out, get to the ATM before that homeless man sets up camp for the night. |
| 43248 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
Okey-dokey, artichokey. You hate it, don't you? |
| 43249 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
Do you not want me here? |
| 43250 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
Why would you say that? |
| 43251 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
It's okay. I understand. I'm not sure how I would feel about having the boss' wife work for me either. |
| 43252 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
It's not that, exactly. |
| 43253 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
But it is something. |
| 43254 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
Let's just say that if you don't want to work here, I am totally prepared to respect that. |
| 43255 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
Why would you not want me working here? |
| 43256 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
I don't know. |
| 43257 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
I think I understand what you're going through. My husband can be a very difficult man to read, can't he? |
| 43258 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
Yes! The dude is an enigma. |
| 43259 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
Mm-hmm. So he is mixed up in this, isn't he? |
| 43260 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Andy |
Ah... |
| 43261 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6477 |
Susan |
Got it. |
| 43262 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
What do you think you're doing? |
| 43263 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
Getting my sweat on. |
| 43264 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
I build you this temple to the human body, and you're lifting what, five pounds? |
| 43265 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
I just did, like, 35 minutes on the treadmill. |
| 43266 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
I was watching you. You want to know how long it really was? |
| 43267 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 43268 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
Eight minutes! |
| 43269 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
Dude, I'm gonna be here all week, right? Five days a week, I figure I'll start slow. |
| 43270 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings? I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym! I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James! |
| 43271 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
It's Lejon Brames. |
| 43272 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
That's what I said. |
| 43273 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Darryl |
You know, get it right. |
| 43274 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6478 |
Dwight |
I know. |
| 43275 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Andy |
Cameras... |
| 43276 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Oh, still here. Terrific. |
| 43277 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
Andy and I had a great conversation. And I just want to let you know that I am not going to be working here. |
| 43278 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Well that's a shame. |
| 43279 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Andy |
It just was one of those things- |
| 43280 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
Is it? Because we talked about it and it seems like that might be what you want. Which is fine. |
| 43281 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Where did this come from? Did Andy say that? |
| 43282 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
No, he did not, but I could tell he was struggling to understand what was expected of him. |
| 43283 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
What's the struggle? He made a great call, hired a great person. |
| 43284 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
You sure about that? |
| 43285 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Absolutely. |
| 43286 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
No games? |
| 43287 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
No games. |
| 43288 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
Because Andy seemed to think there was some information he was not able to share with me. |
| 43289 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Okay, enough of this. I mean, really, enough. It's gotten way out of hand. Andrew, this is my wife. Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for. But it is not welcome right now. Just be honest. |
| 43290 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
Andy? |
| 43291 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Andy |
Yes? |
| 43292 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Susan |
Why do you keep looking at my husband? |
| 43293 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
Andy, just answer the question. |
| 43294 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Andy |
No games? |
| 43295 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
No games. |
| 43296 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Andy |
Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, "in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen." |
| 43297 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6479 |
Robert |
You lying son of a bitch! |
| 43298 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Robert |
Tell my wife you're lying. |
| 43299 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Andy |
I am lying. I am a compulsive liar. |
| 43300 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Susan |
That's not true, is it? |
| 43301 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Andy |
No, it's not. I tell the truth most of the time and I was just telling the truth about your husband. Jim knows. He was there. |
| 43302 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Robert |
This is preposterous. |
| 43303 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Susan |
Robert... |
| 43304 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Robert |
Let's get Jim in here. Where's Jim? |
| 43305 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Erin |
He just rolled out and crawled out. |
| 43306 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6480 |
Robert |
Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this. |
| 43307 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6481 |
Jim |
Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay. |
| 43308 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6482 |
Robert |
That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere. |
| 43309 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6483 |
Jim |
Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right? |
| 43310 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6483 |
Creed |
Okay. What about your friend? |
| 43311 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6483 |
Jim |
Oh boy. |
| 43312 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Dwight |
This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked. |
| 43313 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions and I might not do what you say. |
| 43314 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Dwight |
First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor. |
| 43315 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Darryl |
Okay, I'm not doing that. |
| 43316 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Dwight |
Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl! |
| 43317 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Gabe |
I didn't know Darryl joined. |
| 43318 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Darryl |
Looks that way. |
| 43319 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6484 |
Gabe |
Nice pelvic bowl. Deep. |
| 43320 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6485 |
Robert |
Hello Jim. |
| 43321 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6485 |
Andy |
No, no. No, no, no! Don't! Damn it, Tuna! |
| 43322 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Robert |
So I think you know what we want to know. |
| 43323 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
Do I? |
| 43324 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Robert |
Yes. |
| 43325 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
I know, I do. |
| 43326 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Andy |
Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness. |
| 43327 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can... |
| 43328 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Susan |
For God's sake, did Robert tell you that he didn't want me working here? |
| 43329 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse. |
| 43330 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Andy |
I think we've got ourselves an answer. |
| 43331 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Robert |
No. |
| 43332 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Andy |
That makes complete sense. Thank you all for a wonderful day. |
| 43333 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
Perfect! |
| 43334 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Susan |
Jim... |
| 43335 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
Yes? |
| 43336 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Susan |
Answer the question, please. |
| 43337 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking. |
| 43338 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Robert |
All right. Thanks. |
| 43339 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Jim |
Yes. All right. Great. |
| 43340 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Andy |
Uh... |
| 43341 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Robert |
Yeah. |
| 43342 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6486 |
Andy |
Yep. |
| 43343 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6487 |
Susan |
Thank you. |
| 43344 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6487 |
Robert |
Heh. |
| 43345 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Andy. |
| 43346 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Hey, Mrs. California. |
| 43347 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about the position you were put in today. |
| 43348 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
You know, honestly, we all wanted you to work there. Except for him. Especially me. |
| 43349 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Yeah, I thought we really hit it off. |
| 43350 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 43351 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Well, different circumstances. |
| 43352 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 43353 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Who knows? |
| 43354 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Who knows? |
| 43355 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
Maybe after all this settles down... |
| 43356 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Totally. |
| 43357 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Susan |
It's a date. |
| 43358 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6488 |
Andy |
Hmm? |
| 43359 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
You're nothing! You're so weak, you call yourself a man? Huh? |
| 43360 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Darryl |
This doesn't help me. I don't respond to that kind of strategy. |
| 43361 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
Okay, fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again! |
| 43362 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Darryl |
Dwight, come back and spot me. |
| 43363 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
All right, I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want? |
| 43364 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Darryl |
To push this bar up. |
| 43365 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. What is your goal? |
| 43366 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Darryl |
Help me! |
| 43367 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
What do you want!?! |
| 43368 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Darryl |
To look good for Val! |
| 43369 |
8 |
9 |
Mrs. California |
6489 |
Dwight |
Val Kilmer? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense. Wow... I figured out your goal. I am going to make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen. |
| 43370 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6490 |
Andy |
Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true. |
| 43371 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Andy |
Who's excited to get their holiday wishes? |
| 43372 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Stanley |
Holiday wishes. |
| 43373 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Andy |
What's that, Stanley? |
| 43374 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Stanley |
We know exactly what holiday you're referring to. |
| 43375 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Andy |
It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party. |
| 43376 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6491 |
Stanley |
I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas. |
| 43377 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6492 |
Jim |
I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea. |
| 43378 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6493 |
Stanley |
I don't want no Kwanza wreath, I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's it's own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas! |
| 43379 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Meredith |
What is the status on my wish? |
| 43380 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
Fulfilled! Brought my bicycle, so I can be your designated driver later. In the event that you drink to much, which is by no means required. |
| 43381 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Dwight |
What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood? |
| 43382 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
That, I cannot do, but I did get you an acre of property on the moon. |
| 43383 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Dwight |
Where? Dark side or light side? |
| 43384 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
Light side. |
| 43385 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Dwight |
Is it by the Sea of Tranquility? |
| 43386 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent....beachfront. |
| 43387 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Andy. |
| 43388 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
So, who's wish is next? Oh, what about Santa's wish? My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica....C'mon guys, Jessica?...Jim, tell 'em who Jessica is. |
| 43389 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Jim |
She's not your grandmother, is she? |
| 43390 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
Ugh! Gam-gam's name is Ruth, Jim, you should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time? |
| 43391 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 43392 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way? Our repartee. |
| 43393 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Creed |
That's great. When you know you know. Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man? |
| 43394 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6494 |
Andy |
Totally out of your league. So in summation, ho ho ho, please be nice to Jessica and mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault, and don't go near Gam-gam. |
| 43395 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6495 |
Erin |
I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home. |
| 43396 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kelly |
I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be. |
| 43397 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Erin |
Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly. |
| 43398 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kelly |
It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her. |
| 43399 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Erin |
That's OK, I don't want you to do that. |
| 43400 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
Hello, ah. Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati. |
| 43401 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kelly |
Eww, what is that? |
| 43402 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts. |
| 43403 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kelly |
Cool. |
| 43404 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kevin |
Hey, man. |
| 43405 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
Hey! Oh! |
| 43406 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kevin |
How ya holdin' up...because of your wife leaving you? |
| 43407 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Oscar |
Kevin? |
| 43408 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla. |
| 43409 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 43410 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse. |
| 43411 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Andy |
Well you came to the right place....Ah, this, this party'll cheer you right up. |
| 43412 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Robert |
I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.....ah, heartbreaking. |
| 43413 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6496 |
Andy |
Oh, thank you. |
| 43414 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off, and put on my hard ass hat. But, this is serious. It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps. |
| 43415 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Dwight |
Fine with me. Jim can leave anytime he wants. Goodbye. |
| 43416 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
It wasn't me. |
| 43417 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
It wasn't either of you. |
| 43418 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
Kathy wants to leave our clump? |
| 43419 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
Sh sh sh sh! Don't look. Who it was is not important...but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he. |
| 43420 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Dwight |
I just wanna say, this is not my fault. OK? The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense. |
| 43421 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
Ow, What are you doing? |
| 43422 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
Hey! Hey! Respect the hat! |
| 43423 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
Pam never seemed to have a problem with us. |
| 43424 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
Alright. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand....Mo-nay. |
| 43425 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
What was that? |
| 43426 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Dwight |
What is it? |
| 43427 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
Money....You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. If I catch either of you messing with the other, I will give both bonuses to the other person. |
| 43428 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Jim |
Can't do that. |
| 43429 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Dwight |
No, absolutely not. |
| 43430 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6497 |
Andy |
You need consequences. OK? I want you both walking on eggshells. |
| 43431 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6498 |
Jessica |
Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm looking for Andy? |
| 43432 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6498 |
Erin |
Jessica. Yes. We don't say hi, we hug. I'm Erin. |
| 43433 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6498 |
Jessica |
Oh! Oof! |
| 43434 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6498 |
Erin |
Sorry, hi, I hope you feel really welcome, we all want you here. |
| 43435 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6498 |
Jessica |
Oh. |
| 43436 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6499 |
Andy |
My ex is meeting my s*x....which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your pen1s...that's just part of it. |
| 43437 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
Hey! Jess, Erin, I hope you're not talking about my pen1s. Hi. |
| 43438 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Jessica |
Hi. |
| 43439 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
Hey everyone! I want you to meet Jessica, she is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr. |
| 43440 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Erin |
Wow. |
| 43441 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist. |
| 43442 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Jessica |
Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office. |
| 43443 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Erin |
Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess. |
| 43444 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
What? |
| 43445 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Jessica |
Oh. |
| 43446 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Erin |
Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years but I never did. |
| 43447 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
Oh no. |
| 43448 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Jessica |
Ah.. |
| 43449 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Andy |
Ut oh, it's kicking in. Spontaneous scoliosis. |
| 43450 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Jessica |
Spontaneous scoliosis. |
| 43451 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6500 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 43452 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
This thing could take your arm off, your head off, you know, just exercise caution. |
| 43453 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Val |
Thank you. |
| 43454 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
Alright. |
| 43455 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Val |
Alright. |
| 43456 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
Oh yeah, and um there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight, wanted to tell you about. |
| 43457 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Val |
Isn't that just for popsicles? |
| 43458 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
Popsicles? |
| 43459 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Val |
Yeah, upstairs people? Cause you got a stick up your butt? |
| 43460 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Nate |
Ah! See, I, I, I thought it was because they're so rich they could all eat popsicles all the time. I, in my, I... |
| 43461 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
Well you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. Plus it's fun, you know cookies, smoked fish, alcohol, people acting stupid. |
| 43462 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Nate |
You had me at "clookies." I can't wait to find out what they are. |
| 43463 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Val |
What should I wear? |
| 43464 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Darryl |
Oh, it's nice, it's real nice. People get dressed up. |
| 43465 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6501 |
Nate |
I will look so handsome for you, Darryl. |
| 43466 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6502 |
Jim |
Ah... I'm gonna s- |
| 43467 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6503 |
Jim |
Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink. |
| 43468 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
Erin, what can I get for you? |
| 43469 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Erin |
Uh, do you have cola? Kirkland if you have it. |
| 43470 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
Now why would you come to a bar and ask for a cola when you can get some from the kitchen? Did some small part of you want something a little stronger? Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar, come and take these shots! |
| 43471 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Ryan |
Yes! |
| 43472 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Oscar |
Yes! |
| 43473 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Ryan |
Will do. |
| 43474 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine too. |
| 43475 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Phyllis |
One, two three! |
| 43476 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Kevin |
Yes. |
| 43477 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Erin |
OK. |
| 43478 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
Mmm. Wow. |
| 43479 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Erin |
Whoo! Jiminy Christmas! |
| 43480 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
Jiminey Christmas indeed. |
| 43481 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Erin |
Hit 'er up. |
| 43482 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Robert |
Oh. |
| 43483 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Kevin |
Oh yes. |
| 43484 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Ryan |
Whoo! |
| 43485 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Erin |
Yeah! |
| 43486 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6504 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 43487 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6505 |
Jim |
Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card...you want the number? Oh it's uh four seven nine three, zero zero three two, three three one three. The security code is nine two seven. OK great. Thank you very much. Bye. |
| 43488 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6506 |
Jim |
So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife...from me. |
| 43489 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6507 |
Dwight |
Boom! |
| 43490 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6508 |
Ryan |
But look, it's Christmas, so you're allowed... whoa, hello. Um, you're allowed to do... |
| 43491 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6508 |
Kevin |
Good cookie. |
| 43492 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Darryl |
I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost-buster. |
| 43493 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Val |
OK. |
| 43494 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Darryl |
I thought you'd wear a sweater. |
| 43495 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Val |
Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? Am I your grandson? |
| 43496 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Darryl |
Come on, stay, alright? It's good for people to get to know you. |
| 43497 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6509 |
Val |
As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe. |
| 43498 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Erin |
I want.. my sugar free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. and then I want my nap! |
| 43499 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Stanley |
That's right. |
| 43500 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Erin |
Whoo! Thank you. |
| 43501 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Robert |
She, she is remarkable. |
| 43502 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Andy |
Edgy impressions. |
| 43503 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 43504 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Andy |
How many drinks have you had tonight? I can't be driving everybody home. |
| 43505 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Erin |
A thousand. |
| 43506 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Andy |
Whoa! Maybe you should take a break. |
| 43507 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6510 |
Erin |
Maybe you should mind your own business. Just kidding! |
| 43508 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Dwight |
Ah! I've been attacked! Oh my god! Oh! Someone put a porcupine in my drawer! |
| 43509 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Toby |
Oh my god. |
| 43510 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I was just sitting here at my desk and I, I reached into my drawer to grab my toothbrush and some tooth powder and, and all of a sudden I was attacked by this blood thirsty rabid creature! |
| 43511 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Jim |
I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine? |
| 43512 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Dwight |
Or who in this office knows that I have access and is trying to set me up? |
| 43513 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Jim |
Hmm... |
| 43514 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6511 |
Toby |
You know this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flendermen novel. A murder for framing. |
| 43515 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6512 |
Toby |
Chad Flendermen. Just an easy going black guy, he knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So. Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. Oh and he's also the world's leading Egyptologist. |
| 43516 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Angela |
Toby! Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective. |
| 43517 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Toby |
No, no, no, no, no. Women chase him. He misses his wife. |
| 43518 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Hello? Lacerated hand here folks. |
| 43519 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Nice try, this is ridiculous. |
| 43520 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Oh is it really? Two separate times you have set me up to believe I was being recruited by the CIA. |
| 43521 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Three times. |
| 43522 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
You see? |
| 43523 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Andy |
Jim, this has your fingerprints all over it. |
| 43524 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Andy, you've gotta be kidding me. |
| 43525 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Toby |
Fingerprints can be planted. You know with a severed hand... |
| 43526 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Kelly |
Do you think that's what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand? |
| 43527 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control... |
| 43528 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Might wanna run that by Angela cause it's so cute. |
| 43529 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Angela |
No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs. |
| 43530 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. We have a very rabid porcupine in our office, someone should come pick it up. |
| 43531 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Come down right away! |
| 43532 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Uh, I don't know, let me ask. Uh, were you quilled? |
| 43533 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Yes, I was quilled. |
| 43534 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
And what's it's name? |
| 43535 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Dwight |
Henrietta. |
| 43536 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Jim |
Oops. |
| 43537 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6513 |
Andy |
What? ...Alright, get her out of here, Dwight. |
| 43538 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Hey, guys. I just wanted to say. Come here! I'm so happy you guys are together. OK? And you both have such beautiful hair. |
| 43539 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Jessica |
Thank you. |
| 43540 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
I hope you guys get married....and who knows? Maybe at the wedding, I meet someone. |
| 43541 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
OK! |
| 43542 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
And later on tonight, I hope I see you guys kiss. Ah! OK, well I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. That's how the cool kids say "get a drink". |
| 43543 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Jessica |
That's uh, that's the girl you dated. |
| 43544 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Um, yeah, she's not always like that. It's um... |
| 43545 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Jessica |
No, she, she seems fine. |
| 43546 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Yeah, uh, excuse me. |
| 43547 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Jessica |
OK. |
| 43548 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Yep. Hey! |
| 43549 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 43550 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Have you had anything to eat besides candy canes? |
| 43551 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Every martini has an olive. |
| 43552 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
OK...maybe I should make you some oatmeal or something. |
| 43553 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Kevin |
I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take a apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk. |
| 43554 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Hey, I never told you my Christmas wish. |
| 43555 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Ah, OK. |
| 43556 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
It's about you. |
| 43557 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
That's not what it should be, it should just be like a trinket or something. |
| 43558 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
It's that I wish Jessica was dead. |
| 43559 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
You you, wait. You mean you wish she wasn't here or something. |
| 43560 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
I wish she was in a graveyard! Under the ground...with worms coming out of her mouth. |
| 43561 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Andy |
Hey, you know, you can't say that, OK? That's my girlfriend that you're talking about. You and I are not together anymore. You need to get over it! Take your wish back. |
| 43562 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Too late! It's already been wished! And you promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So, which one are you? A murderer or a liar? |
| 43563 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Kevin |
Hey. |
| 43564 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 43565 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6514 |
Kevin |
So, there was talk of oatmeal. |
| 43566 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6515 |
Phyllis |
You know, don't listen to what anyone is saying. You look like a, a princess. |
| 43567 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6515 |
Val |
Yeah. Thanks. |
| 43568 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
I swear... |
| 43569 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jessica |
Did you not... |
| 43570 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
I was too embarrassed! |
| 43571 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, I uh, just found this on my desk. Need to talk to somebody about it. Can you believe that? |
| 43572 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Phyllis |
Is that Cici? |
| 43573 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
Yes. It is. |
| 43574 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
Um. |
| 43575 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Phyllis |
That's awful. |
| 43576 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
Cici is Jim's daughter. |
| 43577 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jessica |
Oh my god. How could somebody do that? |
| 43578 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
I know, I mean the way I see it is you can deface any picture of me, any one, pick one. Not my kid though. |
| 43579 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Oscar |
Who did this? Who did this? Do you know who did this? |
| 43580 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
I don't- |
| 43581 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
I know who did this....Dwight. |
| 43582 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Phyllis |
Dwight? |
| 43583 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 43584 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
Dwight. |
| 43585 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Oscar |
No! |
| 43586 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Phyllis |
He should pay. |
| 43587 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
Yeah. He is gonna pay. This is fire-able. |
| 43588 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
O...K. |
| 43589 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Andy |
It's, I mean. |
| 43590 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
Let me just see that one more time. Yep, you know what? I know who my friends are, now. But I shouldn't have got you involved because the truth is, I don't even really care about this picture, it's a little out of focus. It was probably an accident, right? Like... |
| 43591 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Oscar |
That's no accident. |
| 43592 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
Right. You're right. So maybe it was me who did it...by accident. |
| 43593 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Phyllis |
What? |
| 43594 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 43595 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6516 |
Jim |
I'll figure it out, get to the bottom of it....Merry merry. |
| 43596 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6517 |
Dwight |
Enough of this garbage. This is Christmas. Hi-yah!!!!! Yeah!!!! Christmas!!!! |
| 43597 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
You alright, Santa? |
| 43598 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
You know those movies where two friends are sleeping together and it's like, hey, can they stay friends? |
| 43599 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 43600 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
Do you think two friends who are not sleeping together can stay friends? |
| 43601 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
Two friends who are not sleeping together, can they remain friends? Yes, yeah. |
| 43602 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
No...I don't, hmm, I don't know. |
| 43603 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 43604 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
By the way, I'm not gonna mess with you and Dwight's bonuses. I think it's causing more problems. So just be yourselves, have fun, and try not to let it affect your work. |
| 43605 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
Alright. I will definitely do that. |
| 43606 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
Alright, I'll tell Dwight. |
| 43607 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
You know what? You're sitting, and thinking, and it's probably better if it comes from me anyway. |
| 43608 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Andy |
Christmas miracles do happen. |
| 43609 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6518 |
Jim |
Yes. They totally do. |
| 43610 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Ryan |
You can't click on these Kardashian links, that's why you have so many viruses. |
| 43611 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Kelly |
Well help me, OK? Just, uh take... |
| 43612 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Ryan |
I'm trying but you need to- |
| 43613 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 43614 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Kelly |
Yo. |
| 43615 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Erin |
Game on. |
| 43616 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6519 |
Kelly |
On it. |
| 43617 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6520 |
Jessica |
I don't know what I was thinking, it was awful... |
| 43618 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6520 |
Kelly |
Jessica, did you just fart? |
| 43619 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6521 |
Kelly |
And that, is how it's done. |
| 43620 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6522 |
Erin |
I would like another alcohol. |
| 43621 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6522 |
Robert |
Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar. |
| 43622 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6522 |
Oscar |
What? I haven't bar tended in forever. Oh, never considered myself a mixologist, oh this is daunting. Um, I need a mortar, pestle, muddler..does anyone have any chocolate shavings? |
| 43623 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Robert |
Your heart is broken. So is mine. |
| 43624 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Erin |
And... |
| 43625 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Robert |
And what? |
| 43626 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Erin |
And you have any advice or anything? |
| 43627 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Robert |
No my god. |
| 43628 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Erin |
...Help me feel better... |
| 43629 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6523 |
Robert |
I've been married thrice and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce, I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice....I was hoping you were gonna make me feel better. |
| 43630 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6524 |
Nate |
When you do your makeup, |
| 43631 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6524 |
Jessica |
Uh huh. |
| 43632 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6524 |
Nate |
How long you, does it take usually? Cause... |
| 43633 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6524 |
Jessica |
Um, it ta-, um it depends. |
| 43634 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6525 |
Toby |
.....Chad Flendermen's kryptonite. |
| 43635 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6525 |
Creed |
Whoa. We got a real Clarence Thomas here. |
| 43636 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6525 |
Darryl |
Hi. |
| 43637 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Jessica |
I'll see you at home? |
| 43638 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Andy |
OK great. |
| 43639 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Jessica |
OK |
| 43640 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Andy |
Perfect. |
| 43641 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Jessica |
Bye ...I still don't get why you can't just call her a cab and pay for it. |
| 43642 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Andy |
I would, it just, that wasn't the holiday wish. |
| 43643 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Jessica |
Oh |
| 43644 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Meredith |
Either he drives or I drive. Now I'm drunk and mad. |
| 43645 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Jessica |
OK Bye. |
| 43646 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Andy |
OK, bye. Alright Meredith, |
| 43647 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Meredith |
Thank you Santa. |
| 43648 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6526 |
Andy |
You bet. |
| 43649 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6527 |
Andy |
Thank god Erin's getting a ride home with Robert because she is trashed. and who better to drive her home than Robert, I mean, what a stand up guy, you know? I mean he's going through a lot, separating from his wife, showing up to the Christmas party in a track suit and a blazer, |
| 43650 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
Let's go, let's go. |
| 43651 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
I know, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. |
| 43652 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
Hang on. |
| 43653 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
Alright. |
| 43654 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
What? |
| 43655 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
Whoa! My stuff! |
| 43656 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
What is all that? |
| 43657 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
It's my valuables! |
| 43658 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
It's junk! |
| 43659 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
This is my treasures, no they're my treasures! |
| 43660 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
You're a hoarder. My god! |
| 43661 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Meredith |
No I'm not, I'm gonna sell it on Ebay! No no no, you be careful. Be careful. |
| 43662 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Andy |
Ah! My Santa suit's stuck. |
| 43663 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6528 |
Dwight |
What are we gonna do with all that bonus money, Henrietta? Huh? |
| 43664 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Meredith |
Where are we? This ain't my street. |
| 43665 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Andy |
Sh, sh, sh, sh, shh. |
| 43666 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Meredith |
Ah, this is the posh part of town, huh? |
| 43667 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Andy |
Oh my god. |
| 43668 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Meredith |
Wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood? |
| 43669 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Andy |
Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now. |
| 43670 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Robert |
Erin, it was great fun tonight. Take a few aspirin and a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning. |
| 43671 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Erin |
Thank you, goodnight. |
| 43672 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Meredith |
What are you smiling for? You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? |
| 43673 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Andy |
I'm sure I am not. Let's get you home. |
| 43674 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Meredith |
Ow! Take it easy. |
| 43675 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6529 |
Andy |
Whoo. |
| 43676 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6530 |
Dwight |
Ah, man. Ah, fell asleep, took a nap. Hey guys, ah I feel refreshed now. How's it goin? |
| 43677 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6530 |
Oscar |
Dwight. |
| 43678 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6530 |
Dwight |
Took a little nap right next to Jim's desk. I feel so good right now. Mmm, cookies. What's everyone staring at? |
| 43679 |
8 |
10 |
Christmas Wishes |
6531 |
Jim |
Oh man, I was supposed to tell Dwight something......C'mon, Jim. I got nothin'. |
| 43680 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Kevin |
Oh yeah! |
| 43681 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
All |
Aw! |
| 43682 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Dwight |
Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper. |
| 43683 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Oscar |
You really have to say "oh yeah" every time you eat a candy bar? |
| 43684 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Kevin |
I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. Oh yeah! |
| 43685 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Jim |
All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to. |
| 43686 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Andy |
It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person! |
| 43687 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Dwight |
You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's going to drive me insane. |
| 43688 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Jim |
Okay, done. |
| 43689 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Erin |
Does anyone have a first aid kit? |
| 43690 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Darryl |
Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight... |
| 43691 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6532 |
Jim |
All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one- |
| 43692 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Andy |
Love letters, yes! I love it. What else can be done with paper? |
| 43693 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Jim |
You can write a book about chairs. |
| 43694 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Andy |
Books! Excellent, Jim. |
| 43695 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Oscar |
Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper- |
| 43696 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Andy |
Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? |
| 43697 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Jim |
Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is. |
| 43698 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Andy |
I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply! |
| 43699 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Angela |
Andy, you want us to buy our own paper? |
| 43700 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6533 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 43701 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6534 |
Andy |
Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage. |
| 43702 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6535 |
Dwight |
Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine. |
| 43703 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute for Robert California! |
| 43704 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Receptionist |
Oh, hello Mr. Schrute. I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all? |
| 43705 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Dwight |
I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine. |
| 43706 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Receptionist |
Ooh. I'm glad you're on our team. Here, please have a seat. |
| 43707 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Gabe |
Dwight? What are you doing here? |
| 43708 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Dwight |
Gabe? You don't know? |
| 43709 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Gabe |
Course I know. |
| 43710 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6536 |
Dwight |
Hmm. Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel's office. |
| 43711 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6537 |
Gabe |
Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down to Florida. You're needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying. |
| 43712 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Robert |
Dwight. |
| 43713 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Dwight |
Robert. |
| 43714 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Robert |
You made it. |
| 43715 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 43716 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Robert |
Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly. |
| 43717 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6538 |
Dwight |
Very good. |
| 43718 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
Hey C-span. So my dad says an accountant can really help you out, if they're willing to "play ball." Those were his words. |
| 43719 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter. Okay? Robert will understand. Eight hundred dollars is a rounding error! |
| 43720 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
So make that error! |
| 43721 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
Andy, no- |
| 43722 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Kevin |
Hey! I can make that error. |
| 43723 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
Aw... |
| 43724 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
Well, it's just, I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing, but it's a little more complicated than that. |
| 43725 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Kevin |
No, I- |
| 43726 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
It's just, I really need a real accountant on this. What do you say? |
| 43727 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
I'm leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia. |
| 43728 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
Oh. |
| 43729 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
Any other crunch time, I would love to stay in, cook the books for you so you can save face in front of your CEO, but tonight is Triviocalypse! |
| 43730 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
What? |
| 43731 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Oscar |
It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There's a thousand dollar prize. I'm committed to my friends, they're committed to me. |
| 43732 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6539 |
Andy |
You know what? Go. Have fun. |
| 43733 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia. |
| 43734 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Jim |
Stop right there. I love it. |
| 43735 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Darryl |
I'm in. |
| 43736 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
I didn't even say what it is. |
| 43737 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Darryl |
It's trivia. |
| 43738 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Jim |
In Philadelphia. |
| 43739 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
But here's the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase... |
| 43740 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Jim |
That's a great idea. |
| 43741 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Darryl |
That's a great plan. |
| 43742 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
Yeah? You like it? |
| 43743 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 43744 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
All right. |
| 43745 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Jim |
All right, good stuff. |
| 43746 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
I'm so psyched you guys are into it because I thought- I was like, "this sounds really stupid." |
| 43747 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Darryl |
You just made a good idea, a great idea. |
| 43748 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
There is one problem with this plan. |
| 43749 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 43750 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6540 |
Andy |
We'd have to leave work, like, right now, to do this. |
| 43751 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we're going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right. |
| 43752 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Dwight |
Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy. |
| 43753 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What's the most important appliance in your house? |
| 43754 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Dwight |
Meat grinder. |
| 43755 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential. |
| 43756 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Dwight |
You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic. |
| 43757 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Robert |
Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO. |
| 43758 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Dwight |
But I can give you this pitch in one minute- |
| 43759 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Robert |
No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight. |
| 43760 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes. |
| 43761 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Dwight |
Still an important position. Still a chief. |
| 43762 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him. Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking. |
| 43763 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Robert |
Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard. |
| 43764 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Gabe |
Your wish is my command. |
| 43765 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6541 |
Robert |
It's a command. |
| 43766 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
I don't believe this. What are you doing here, Andy? |
| 43767 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you. |
| 43768 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
What? No! |
| 43769 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
I've got a quota to hit. I don't care how I hit it. |
| 43770 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
And you guys thought this was a good idea? |
| 43771 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Jim |
I thought it was a fun idea. |
| 43772 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Darryl |
There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to- this is a gay bar. |
| 43773 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay? |
| 43774 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
Yes! It's a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now? |
| 43775 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
All |
No. Nah. |
| 43776 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you're going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar's trivia night? |
| 43777 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
It says that I believe that my staff's intelligence and that I'm willing to try anything. Not anything. |
| 43778 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Oscar |
Good luck. |
| 43779 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
Uh, all right. We need to divide up into teams, but it's winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves. |
| 43780 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Meredith |
Good-timers follow me. |
| 43781 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Phyllis |
Backups. |
| 43782 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Stanley |
Go on, kid. You know you don't belong here. |
| 43783 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
A-team. |
| 43784 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 43785 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Andy |
All right, everybody. Nice self-awareness. Except... |
| 43786 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Kevin |
Okay. |
| 43787 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6542 |
Jim |
There's a table over here. |
| 43788 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Host |
All right, first question everyone: Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital? |
| 43789 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Andy |
Oh, we got this! |
| 43790 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Creed |
Let's reverse engineer this. You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty. Alaska? |
| 43791 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Stanley |
Atlanta. |
| 43792 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Phyllis |
Oh I know you think that, because that's where the Olympics were held. |
| 43793 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Cathy |
My cousins were actually at those Olympics. |
| 43794 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Stanley |
Keep talking all you want. |
| 43795 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Kevin |
How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about? |
| 43796 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Erin |
Okay, dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness. |
| 43797 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6543 |
Host |
Okay, time's up. Let's get the boards up. "Atlanta, Georgia" is the correct answer. |
| 43798 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Gabe |
Hey man, uh, look. Unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fire, so your appointment got- |
| 43799 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Dwight |
There's no fires within eight miles of here. |
| 43800 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Gabe |
Well, it's nine miles away. I'm going to be meeting with you on his behalf. |
| 43801 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Dwight |
What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant! |
| 43802 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Receptionist |
This must be very frustrating. |
| 43803 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6544 |
Gabe |
I can see you in the jungle now. |
| 43804 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Host |
Okay, now, you're not an all-star of the NBA, but you did get your game on when you won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year award in 2011. Who are you? |
| 43805 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Andy |
Jim, Darryl. Your time to shine. |
| 43806 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Jim |
Shawn Marion. |
| 43807 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Darryl |
Yes, Shawn Marion. |
| 43808 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Ryan |
That doesn't sound right. I want to say, LaDameon Washington. |
| 43809 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Jim |
Wrong, for so many reasons. |
| 43810 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Phyllis |
Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor's sixth man was Richard Burton. Is that helpful? |
| 43811 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Stanley |
That's it. I'm going to go watch the boats on the river. |
| 43812 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Kevin |
Ron Artest, Kelly. |
| 43813 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Kelly |
No, it's Lamar Odom. If it'd been Ron Artest, it would have come up in Dancing with the Stars, when they pan over his trophy case when he's at home with his family. Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar. |
| 43814 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Host |
All right, boards up. Let's see who got it. "Lamar Odom" is what we were looking for. "Lamar Odom" Thank you. |
| 43815 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Jim |
Oh my God. Lamar Odom, yes. |
| 43816 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Kevin |
Nicely done! |
| 43817 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Andy |
You're my sports guys! You're ESPN, you're ESPN Classic, Ryan is MSNBC. I'm E!, TLC and Oxygen. |
| 43818 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6545 |
Darryl |
Chill, man. This plan is airtight. |
| 43819 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it! |
| 43820 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Receptionist |
Well, you got my vote. |
| 43821 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
Oh my God. |
| 43822 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
I know. |
| 43823 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- wait why are you smiling? |
| 43824 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
What? |
| 43825 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
What's with the smile? |
| 43826 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
You're doing great. You know, so good. |
| 43827 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us. |
| 43828 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush! Ow! |
| 43829 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
Take me to Robert. |
| 43830 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
Ow! He went home. |
| 43831 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
Take me to his house. |
| 43832 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
Uh, it's a condo and it's long-term business housing. |
| 43833 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
You know where it is. Lead me there. |
| 43834 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Gabe |
Ow! Ow! Stephanie, help! |
| 43835 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6546 |
Dwight |
Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's go. |
| 43836 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
Excuse me, sir, on the Dunder-Mifflin A-team? Excuse me, sir? |
| 43837 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Ryan |
Yeah? |
| 43838 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
I'm sure you're just checking your Grindr account... but you can't check smart phones during trivia, it's against the rules. |
| 43839 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Ryan |
Okay, I'm turning it off. |
| 43840 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
Okay, you're not turning it off. |
| 43841 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Ryan |
I won't look at it. |
| 43842 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
Sir? |
| 43843 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Ryan |
I can't- I can't not touch it. |
| 43844 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
Okay, then we're going to have to take it away. Thank you. |
| 43845 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Ryan |
Look, I can't, I can't not have my phone. I'm sorry. I want to be with my phone. |
| 43846 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
All right, guys. After nine rounds, let's check the scores. In first place, with nine points, it's Aesop's Foibles. The Queerenstein Bears have seven points. Dunder-Mifflin A-Team has four points. |
| 43847 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 43848 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Host |
D.M. Backup Team has three points. The Einsteins have eight points. Ladies Gaga have five points. |
| 43849 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6547 |
Andy |
So the best chance of hitting our mark is now in the hands, and brains, of Kevin, Meredith, Erin and Kelly. Do I like these odds? My answer is no. |
| 43850 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6548 |
Dwight |
Which one is it? |
| 43851 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6548 |
Gabe |
I don't know. All I know is the building. |
| 43852 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6548 |
Dwight |
Robert! Robert California! Robert! |
| 43853 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6548 |
Robert |
Dwight! How nice of Gabe to show you where I live. Come around. 102. |
| 43854 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
All right guys, time's up. Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk who discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared? Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein. Oh wait. Except for the Einsteins. That's all right. Which means the top three teams are going to finish it off in the speed round. So let's get everyone some bells. In third place we have the Einsteins. |
| 43855 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Kevin |
Oh yeah! |
| 43856 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Kelly |
What! |
| 43857 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
In second place, we have the Queerenstein Bears. |
| 43858 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Queerenstein Bears |
Whoo! Let's go! |
| 43859 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
And, in first place, is Aesop's Foibles. |
| 43860 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Oscar's friend |
Whoo! |
| 43861 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Darryl |
Yeah, we're going to get clobbered. |
| 43862 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
Ring it in when you know it. First question: This man had a fatwa declared on him when- Einsteins? |
| 43863 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Meredith |
What? |
| 43864 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Erin |
What is it? |
| 43865 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Meredith |
What? |
| 43866 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Erin |
I did my part, babe. I'm just the bell girl. |
| 43867 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
Aesop's? |
| 43868 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Oscar |
Salman Rushdie. |
| 43869 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
Salman Rushdie is correct. Heading out to sea, sailors. On a square-rigged ship, the sale set furthest forward is called what? |
| 43870 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Meredith |
Princess Ding-Dong, do not hit that bell unless- |
| 43871 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Erin |
Flying jib. |
| 43872 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6549 |
Host |
Flying jib is correct for the Einsteins. |
| 43873 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6550 |
Robert |
Shalom. Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month. |
| 43874 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6550 |
Stu |
Grab my knee! |
| 43875 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6550 |
Gabe |
Yay Robert! |
| 43876 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6550 |
Robert |
Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge. |
| 43877 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Host |
According to a recent survey, this is the most common learning disability among American adolescents. |
| 43878 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Oscar's friend |
Boom! ADHD! |
| 43879 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Host |
No. |
| 43880 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Meredith |
Wrong. The answer is dyslexia! |
| 43881 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Host |
That's correct for the Einsteins. |
| 43882 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Andy |
Whoo! Yeah! |
| 43883 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Host |
Sir- |
| 43884 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Andy |
Go Einsteins! |
| 43885 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6551 |
Host |
Dial it back, this isn't Tail Feathers, okay? |
| 43886 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they? |
| 43887 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
No thank you. |
| 43888 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
Sit down, Dwight. |
| 43889 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, "table for one?" How is this possible? |
| 43890 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
You were dining alone? All those people are you? |
| 43891 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going- |
| 43892 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
Ah-ah-ah- your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager's job. And Florida, you don't want to live here. Even I don't want to live here. That's why I'm always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America's basement: It's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right? |
| 43893 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
N... it's complicated. |
| 43894 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
This medal was my grandfather's. He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. It's a tribute one man gives another. I could give you a job, Dwight. Why not let me give you something even better? |
| 43895 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
It's a job interview, not a flea market. |
| 43896 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Robert |
Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I'll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place. |
| 43897 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6552 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 43898 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Host |
Final round. Last two teams squaring off. I hope you're ready to play doctor. Our question is about health and the human body. |
| 43899 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Andy |
Oh, come on! |
| 43900 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Host |
The standard American analog scale has a maximum capacity of what weight? |
| 43901 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Kevin |
Three hundred pounds! |
| 43902 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Host |
Point for the Einsteins. Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets: This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray. |
| 43903 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Oscar |
Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon. |
| 43904 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Oscar's friend |
Yes! |
| 43905 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Host |
I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins. |
| 43906 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Kevin |
Les Jolies Choses. |
| 43907 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Meredith |
Are you sure? |
| 43908 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Kevin |
Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film. |
| 43909 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Host |
The Einsteins win it! |
| 43910 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6553 |
Oscar |
No! Come on! |
| 43911 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6554 |
Kevin |
Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one. |
| 43912 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6555 |
Stonewall Host |
Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championships! First prize is forty-five hundred dollars! |
| 43913 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6555 |
Kevin |
Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home. |
| 43914 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6556 |
Stonewall Host |
Riboflavin. |
| 43915 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6556 |
Kevin |
Riboflavin? |
| 43916 |
8 |
11 |
Trivia |
6556 |
Stonewall Host |
Michigan. The President of the United States is "P.O.T.U.S." John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath. |
| 43917 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6557 |
Dwight |
Oh, ugh. What is this, a meatball? Really? |
| 43918 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6558 |
Jim |
It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird. |
| 43919 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Dwight |
Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the- |
| 43920 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Stanley |
You've been meatballed! |
| 43921 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Dwight |
Ugh. |
| 43922 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Stanley |
Are you ready for some meatball? |
| 43923 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Dwight |
Aw, man. This is not very clever, Jim. |
| 43924 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 43925 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Stanley |
Look for your stapler! |
| 43926 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6559 |
Dwight |
Really Jim? Really? Very funny. |
| 43927 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6560 |
Stanley |
Oh okay. Good night. What's the haul? |
| 43928 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6560 |
Dwight |
Thirty-two meatballs. |
| 43929 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6560 |
Stanley |
Good day. |
| 43930 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6561 |
Dwight |
That idiot's been feeding us for a week. |
| 43931 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6561 |
Stanley |
We'll never have to buy meatballs again. |
| 43932 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6562 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin. Jessica, hi! How are you? Oh yay, that's so great to hear. |
| 43933 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6563 |
Erin |
I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I've learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine. |
| 43934 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6564 |
Erin |
I will patch you through right now. You sound really pretty today. Okay. |
| 43935 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6564 |
Andy |
Jessica! I love you! That's a message from my mom. |
| 43936 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6565 |
Andy |
My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early! I get it. I just, you know, I'm just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven't proposed to anyone in years... Mom took the main diamond out, she thought that had more of a my little brother kind of vibe to it, but... |
| 43937 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Jim |
Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though. |
| 43938 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Oscar |
Oh, who needs a house that size? |
| 43939 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Dwight |
Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait. |
| 43940 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
I'm selling the house, actually. |
| 43941 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Jim |
You know, there's a glare from over here... oh wow, that's magnificent. |
| 43942 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, s*x, intrigue... this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim? |
| 43943 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke. |
| 43944 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard? |
| 43945 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Jim |
I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing. |
| 43946 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it. |
| 43947 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Andy |
Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here. |
| 43948 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day. |
| 43949 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Andy |
Well, please tell Susan we all say hi. |
| 43950 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Kevin |
Dude, what if, since you're feeling grumpy, we all swing by tonight and check out your indoor pool? |
| 43951 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Oscar |
Kevin, no. |
| 43952 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
What, as some sort of last hoorah? |
| 43953 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Kevin |
Yeah. All of us in the pool, saying hoorah. Maybe the last one that says hoorah is it. |
| 43954 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Robert |
You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let's try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let's just call it a get-together. And let's say no food. |
| 43955 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Kevin |
Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me? |
| 43956 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Oscar |
That was you, Kevin. |
| 43957 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6566 |
Kevin |
It was me. |
| 43958 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Meredith |
You going tonight, kiddo? Cause I can give you a lift. |
| 43959 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Erin |
Oh, I don't know, Meredith. It seems like you shouldn't drive maybe ever. |
| 43960 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Meredith |
It's no problem. You live right near me. |
| 43961 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Erin |
How do you know where I live? |
| 43962 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Meredith |
Andy followed you home after the Christmas party. |
| 43963 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Erin |
Why? |
| 43964 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Meredith |
He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you. |
| 43965 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6567 |
Erin |
Oh. Come on. |
| 43966 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6568 |
Erin |
Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend? I should get a restraining order. |
| 43967 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Angela |
Oh, it is warm. |
| 43968 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Cathy |
It's almost too warm. |
| 43969 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Gabe |
I'm feeling eighty-two, eighty-two and a half. |
| 43970 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Ryan |
Oh, so close. Eighty-one. |
| 43971 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Gabe |
Well, we'll say its eight-two and it'll be our secret. |
| 43972 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Cathy |
Hey, late guy. |
| 43973 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Jim |
Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party. |
| 43974 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Andy |
Oh. |
| 43975 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6569 |
Jim |
DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight. |
| 43976 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6570 |
Jim |
You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine. |
| 43977 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Jim |
Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way. |
| 43978 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Robert |
You should see the whole thing. |
| 43979 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Jim |
I bet I should. That's beautiful, I'm going to email that to you. |
| 43980 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Robert |
I'm just about to give the tour. |
| 43981 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Jim |
All right- |
| 43982 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Robert |
Join us. You must see what you were laughing about. |
| 43983 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6571 |
Jim |
I must... |
| 43984 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Jessica |
Wow. |
| 43985 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
Yeah, it's pretty serious poolage. |
| 43986 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Jessica |
What are you doing? |
| 43987 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
Hmm? Flicking a bug off my wiener. |
| 43988 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Jessica |
Gross. I'm getting a drink. Do you want anything? |
| 43989 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
No, I'm good. |
| 43990 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Erin |
Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi. |
| 43991 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
Hi. |
| 43992 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Erin |
How is everything? How's your car? |
| 43993 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
It's great. You know. Reliable. Great mileage. |
| 43994 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Erin |
Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain? |
| 43995 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. you know, a couple of dopes on the slopes. |
| 43996 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Erin |
Oh, like a goodbye trip. |
| 43997 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Andy |
No. What? |
| 43998 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Jessica |
Hey. |
| 43999 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6572 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 44000 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6573 |
Erin |
I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive, and I believe him. |
| 44001 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Darryl |
Val. You made it. |
| 44002 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Val |
Yup, yup. |
| 44003 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Darryl |
Uh oh, look at this. Red plastic cup, red plastic cup. How about that? |
| 44004 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Val |
You know, you are just as dumb at night. |
| 44005 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Darryl |
Mmm. |
| 44006 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
All right, theres- this would be no problem. I could swim under, one breath. |
| 44007 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Jessica |
No, show me. |
| 44008 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 44009 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Jessica |
Dive in right here. |
| 44010 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
In a minute. In a minute. |
| 44011 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Jessica |
Okay. You don't know what you're doing. |
| 44012 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
A minute would be cool. |
| 44013 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Erin |
Hey, Dwight Snoot. |
| 44014 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Dwight |
What- |
| 44015 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Erin |
What you doing? |
| 44016 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Dwight |
I'm relaxing. Scram. |
| 44017 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Erin |
Ow. |
| 44018 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
Hey, Stanley. Um, what happened to my pants? |
| 44019 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Stanley |
I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there's a person in them. |
| 44020 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Andy |
Where... |
| 44021 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Erin |
Come on, don't you want to play? |
| 44022 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Dwight |
Oh really? |
| 44023 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 44024 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Dwight |
Yeah, you want to play you little hick? |
| 44025 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 44026 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6574 |
Angela |
Dwight! Oh my gosh! Dwight! |
| 44027 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you're simply a pen1s, a v*g1n*, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio. |
| 44028 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Oscar |
Holy cow! |
| 44029 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
Wine collection. |
| 44030 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Oscar |
How many bottles? Three hundred? |
| 44031 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
About twelve hundred. What the hell, grab a bottle. Less inventory for the lawyers. |
| 44032 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Oscar |
Toby! Chateau Margaux ninety-five. You know your wine. |
| 44033 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Toby |
Well, and you have a... yes, a- d- another chateau. |
| 44034 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Ryan |
Robert, you are too kind. |
| 44035 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
Oh. |
| 44036 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Gabe |
Too kind doesn't begin to cover it. |
| 44037 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Ryan |
With ammunition like this we are in for quite a night, you and me. |
| 44038 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Gabe |
And Gabe-y makes three. |
| 44039 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Jim |
Robert, thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for all this. This night's been magical. |
| 44040 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
Jim, come see this next room. I think you especially would like it. |
| 44041 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Jim |
Really? Why? |
| 44042 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6575 |
Robert |
I don't know. Maybe not. Just come. |
| 44043 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6576 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 44044 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6576 |
Dwight |
You regret attacking me now, hick? Huh? |
| 44045 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6576 |
Erin |
Stop it. Dwight, I was flirting with you. I was trying to use you to make Andy jealous. |
| 44046 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6576 |
Dwight |
I'm not going to help you. Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it. |
| 44047 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6576 |
Erin |
Oh Dwight! |
| 44048 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Erin |
Stop. |
| 44049 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Dwight |
You stop. |
| 44050 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Erin |
No, you stop. |
| 44051 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Dwight |
No, you stop. |
| 44052 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Erin |
Is he looking? Oh. You can stop. |
| 44053 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Dwight |
Okay, you can stop. |
| 44054 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Erin |
No, no, no, he's not looking. |
| 44055 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Dwight |
No, you can stop. |
| 44056 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Erin |
You can actually stop. |
| 44057 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Kelly |
Whoa, you guys, I just found this insane engagement ring. Is anyone missing this? |
| 44058 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Meredith |
The main stone's missing. |
| 44059 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6577 |
Kelly |
I don't know. It looks pretty great to me. |
| 44060 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Robert |
I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan. |
| 44061 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Jim |
Good night. |
| 44062 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Oscar |
To the kitchen! |
| 44063 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
All |
To the kitchen! |
| 44064 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Robert |
To the kitchen. Onward! |
| 44065 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Oscar |
Toby, what's compelling about this is the note of persimmon. Right? |
| 44066 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Toby |
Note? It's a symphony. |
| 44067 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Oscar |
Okay, you have to join my wine-tasting club. |
| 44068 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6578 |
Toby |
I would love that. |
| 44069 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6579 |
Toby |
Toby, you are playing a dangerous game. Guess I'm through the gateway now, though, right? |
| 44070 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6580 |
Darryl |
You know, I don't think I've ever been in this exact angle before. I was scared at first, but I like it. |
| 44071 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6580 |
Meredith |
You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice. |
| 44072 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6580 |
Val |
You in? |
| 44073 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6580 |
Darryl |
Yeah, sure, sure. I'll be right in. |
| 44074 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6581 |
Darryl |
I've been working out. But, the problem is, I've been building muscle underneath. And that top layer hasn't burned off yet. Awkward stage. |
| 44075 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Dwight |
Ah, mmm. So good. Now take a chip, crush it into my face, really rub the grease around. Do it. Now rub it in. Oh, yeah, that's so good. Ah... |
| 44076 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Erin |
Andy's not even looking. I think sexy eating is a dead end. |
| 44077 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Dwight |
Damn it. |
| 44078 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Erin |
What is the most romantic possible thing? |
| 44079 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Dwight |
We can get some chicken fights going in the pool. |
| 44080 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Erin |
Dwight, that's just- that's really perfect. Thank you. |
| 44081 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Both |
Yes! |
| 44082 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Angela |
You're in my way! |
| 44083 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Erin |
Andy, Dwight and I challenge you and Jess to a chicken fight. Winner take all. |
| 44084 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Dwight |
Chicken fight! |
| 44085 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Andy |
No thanks. |
| 44086 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Erin |
Dang it! What the heck already? |
| 44087 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Dwight |
Hey, Cathy. Chicken fight! |
| 44088 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Cathy |
Okay, yeah. Who's going to be my partner? Where's Jim? |
| 44089 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6582 |
Kevin |
I'm right here! Cold. Cold. Come on, Cath. |
| 44090 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Dwight |
Yeah- oh! |
| 44091 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Erin |
Yes! Woo! |
| 44092 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Dwight |
Woohoo! Yes! |
| 44093 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Erin |
Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together. |
| 44094 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Dwight |
I know. I could just bang you right now. |
| 44095 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6583 |
Erin |
He's not looking. Hey! |
| 44096 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6584 |
Robert |
I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears. |
| 44097 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6584 |
Jim |
To both these bears. |
| 44098 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6584 |
Ryan |
To both these bears. |
| 44099 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6584 |
Toby |
Bears. |
| 44100 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6584 |
Oscar |
To both these bears. |
| 44101 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6585 |
Robert |
When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here Marley and Me and On Golden Pond. |
| 44102 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6585 |
Ryan |
I mean, it's clearly meant for watching erotic cinema. |
| 44103 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6585 |
Gabe |
Yup. We could watch some right now if you want. I got a Korean film on my iPod if you want to just- if you have the cables. |
| 44104 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Andy |
Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found. |
| 44105 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Kelly |
Yeah, thanks. I'm really glad I found it. |
| 44106 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Andy |
I can't believe you're wearing it. Are you not superstitious at all? |
| 44107 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Kelly |
Shh. Of course I'm superstitious. What are you talking about? |
| 44108 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Andy |
The ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly? |
| 44109 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I don't think you're being silly. |
| 44110 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Kelly |
Oh God. |
| 44111 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Andy |
You know what, I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund. |
| 44112 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Phyllis |
Then another woman will get it. We can't allow that. We have to destroy it. |
| 44113 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Jessica |
Come on. Let's chicken fight those two. |
| 44114 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Val |
How was that? |
| 44115 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Kevin |
Okay. Watch my toes. |
| 44116 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Darryl |
Hey Val. Want a beer? It might taste better than that pool water you've been drinking. |
| 44117 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Val |
No, I'm good. Thank you. |
| 44118 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Darryl |
Cool. |
| 44119 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Val |
Cool. Does Darryl not swim? |
| 44120 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6586 |
Kevin |
That's racist! I don't know. But I would say, by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim. |
| 44121 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Jessica |
Yes! |
| 44122 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Andy |
Yeah! |
| 44123 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Dwight |
Maybe we should take a little break. |
| 44124 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Erin |
Dwight, we've got this. I promise. I will not leave your shoulders, no matter what. |
| 44125 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 44126 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Erin |
One more? |
| 44127 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Andy |
Yeah! |
| 44128 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Jessica |
Yeah! Great! |
| 44129 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Erin |
Mush, mush, mush! Come on! |
| 44130 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Dwight |
Go! |
| 44131 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Erin |
Go! Okay. Yeah. |
| 44132 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Jessica |
Here we go! Yes! |
| 44133 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Andy |
Yay! Whoa! |
| 44134 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Kevin |
Wow! |
| 44135 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Andy |
I cannot believe you're still up! |
| 44136 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Jessica |
I cannot believe it either. |
| 44137 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Erin |
I've got this! Charge! Go! Go! |
| 44138 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6587 |
Andy |
Dwight are you okay? Hey, damn it- |
| 44139 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6588 |
Dwight |
Erin, did we win? |
| 44140 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6588 |
Erin |
Sure. Sure we did. |
| 44141 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6588 |
Dwight |
You're lying. We didn't win. |
| 44142 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6588 |
Erin |
Hey, hey, hey Dwight. It's okay. Just rest. Just rest. |
| 44143 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6589 |
Kelly |
You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it. |
| 44144 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6589 |
Angela |
We're in the pool! |
| 44145 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6589 |
Meredith |
Shut it, Angela. |
| 44146 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
Ugh. Same old party, same old people. Am I right? Reminds me of Phyllis's birthday. |
| 44147 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Andy |
Ooh, do not remind me of Phyllis's birthday. |
| 44148 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
I know. But boy, that Erin. She sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Rroww! And to think, I always thought of her as a second Meredith. Respectfully, I don't want us walking into a similar Angela kind of situation. |
| 44149 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Andy |
Mmm. |
| 44150 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
So I just want to make sure that you are completely, one hundred percent done with Erin. |
| 44151 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Andy |
Last I checked, I'm with Jessica. And I like to get my monog on. It's monogamy for my hog 'n me. |
| 44152 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
Not what I asked. |
| 44153 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Andy |
We're done. Erin and I are over. |
| 44154 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her, just go nuts, rrargh. With s*x. |
| 44155 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Andy |
Have at it. Or take it slow. Whatever you guys work out. |
| 44156 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Dwight |
You're an idiot. |
| 44157 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Kevin |
Kelly, that is mine! This is mine! |
| 44158 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Erin |
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. |
| 44159 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Kevin |
No! |
| 44160 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Val |
Oh I've got him! |
| 44161 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6590 |
Darryl |
Cannonball! Let's do this! |
| 44162 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Andy |
Wow. |
| 44163 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Erin |
So I kind of stepped on this. I think it's yours. |
| 44164 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Andy |
Yeah. Oh wow. How did you know it was mine? |
| 44165 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Erin |
The Bernard family seal. Duh. |
| 44166 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Andy |
Duh. |
| 44167 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Erin |
Sorry if your special night was ruined. |
| 44168 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Andy |
Oh, whoa. Whoa, no, it's not a special night. |
| 44169 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Erin |
Oh, you weren't going to do that? |
| 44170 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6591 |
Andy |
Honestly Erin, I don't know what I'm doing. I... I just... I don't know. Thank you. |
| 44171 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6592 |
Erin |
Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for, but it's not so bad either. I can live with confused. I get confused. I totally get confused. |
| 44172 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Robert |
And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness. |
| 44173 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Jim |
To madness. |
| 44174 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Ryan |
To madness. |
| 44175 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Toby |
To madness. |
| 44176 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Meredith |
To madness. |
| 44177 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Jim |
Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van? |
| 44178 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Meredith |
Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl. |
| 44179 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Jim |
Are you serious? |
| 44180 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Ryan |
Robert, I want you to know, I'm here to rock with you as late as you want, man. |
| 44181 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Gabe |
And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like. |
| 44182 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Oscar |
Toby! I am Bacchus, god of wine! |
| 44183 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Toby |
And I am Bacchus's friend! |
| 44184 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Robert |
Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party. |
| 44185 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
All |
Yes! Woohoo! Bravo! |
| 44186 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6593 |
Jim |
And there's my talking point. |
| 44187 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6594 |
Robert |
Yes, that's it. Push yourselves, boys. It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you. I need a breather. Oh. Oh. You two keep going. |
| 44188 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6594 |
Ryan |
Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave. |
| 44189 |
8 |
12 |
Pool Party |
6594 |
Gabe |
So leave. |
| 44190 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Andy |
Val, I need the space. |
| 44191 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Val |
All right guys, clear out. |
| 44192 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Andy |
Everybody out. |
| 44193 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Val |
Promise me you're going to clean up. |
| 44194 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Andy |
I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do. |
| 44195 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Val |
Promise me that- |
| 44196 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6595 |
Andy |
Obviously I'm going to clean up. |
| 44197 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6596 |
Andy |
Stress is like the uptight mayor or a town who's saying, "Hey, we're uptight, you can't dance," and then you have to be like, "Oh yeah, Mayor Stress? Well watch this!" And then... we dance. Oh how we dance. s*x also works. |
| 44198 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Erin |
Hey! Jim's back from jury duty. |
| 44199 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Andy |
Hey! Tuna! He's back. |
| 44200 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 44201 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Andy |
Oh, look at this. Tuna wrap. |
| 44202 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 44203 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Andy |
Hand roll. |
| 44204 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 44205 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Phyllis |
How was jury duty? |
| 44206 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
It was pretty uneventful, actually. |
| 44207 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Dwight |
Can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system. |
| 44208 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Erin |
What was the case? |
| 44209 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Uh, hit and run. |
| 44210 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Erin |
Ooh, "the case of the hit and run," that's exciting. |
| 44211 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Phyllis |
Did you send him to the slammer? |
| 44212 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Nope. Not guilty. |
| 44213 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Dwight |
Of course you found him not guilty. "Oh, he apologized and I just really want him to like me, mm." |
| 44214 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
We're best friends, actually. We're going wine-tasting next weekend, if you want to come. |
| 44215 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Dwight |
Not coming, have plans. |
| 44216 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6597 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 44217 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6598 |
Jim |
I did get called in to jury duty. And they released me around noon, so, didn't think it was worth it to come back to work for a half day. And then the next morning Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids so I took an extra day to help out. And then three other days happened. |
| 44218 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Erin |
Ah! Angela had the baby! |
| 44219 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Kevin |
Is it black? 'Cause that would be hilarious. |
| 44220 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Darryl |
Why? |
| 44221 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Kevin |
You know. |
| 44222 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Darryl |
Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby? |
| 44223 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Kevin |
A little bit, yeah. Right guys? Back me up. |
| 44224 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Ryan |
Eh, a little bit. |
| 44225 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Kevin |
Oh, did I win the pool? |
| 44226 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Erin |
Ah, no. Right month, wrong year. |
| 44227 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Oscar |
Well no one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month. |
| 44228 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Erin |
We should all go to the hospital and visit her. |
| 44229 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I'd love to but, um- |
| 44230 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Jim |
Aw man, I would but I can't miss any more work. |
| 44231 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Oscar |
Well Kevin and I have to go, Accounting is its own little family. |
| 44232 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom. |
| 44233 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Gabe |
Everyone, our very own Angela- |
| 44234 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Oscar |
We all got the email, some of us are going to go visit. |
| 44235 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6599 |
Gabe |
Oh, I am so in. |
| 44236 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6600 |
Gabe |
I love maternity wards. It's the perfect blend of love and horror. Things can go so wrong or so right. |
| 44237 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Andy |
Come on, Judge Judy, tell us your case. What were the deets? |
| 44238 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Jim |
Mine was actually a pretty boring case, so- |
| 44239 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Meredith |
How could it be boring? You were there for five days. Titillate us. |
| 44240 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Stanley |
Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay until six twice to cover for you. My wife got to the TV first, had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles. |
| 44241 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, my car got smashed visiting one of your clients and I had to have it detailed and they took my meter change. |
| 44242 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Jim |
Wow, I'm really sorry. |
| 44243 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6601 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 44244 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6602 |
Jim |
I never considered that my week off would make everyone else's job harder. The least I could do is give them a good story. |
| 44245 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6603 |
Jim |
So Phyllis, he was here, and then the car came and did- he was like that. Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually. |
| 44246 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6603 |
Toby |
You know, when I was on j-duty, uh, Strangler case, we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from- at Ernesto's. |
| 44247 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6603 |
Jim |
Oh man, Ernesto's. That was our favorite restaurant too. |
| 44248 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6603 |
Toby |
You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck. |
| 44249 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6603 |
Meredith |
Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. Nobody cares about the empanadas. |
| 44250 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6604 |
Dwight |
I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS, but that's not important. While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them. And nobody calls them restaurants. |
| 44251 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Oscar |
Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen- Gabe? Bring it in. I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive. |
| 44252 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Kevin |
Got that, bimbo? |
| 44253 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Erin |
Got it, bimbo. |
| 44254 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Angela |
Yes? |
| 44255 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Oscar |
Knock, knock. Oh! |
| 44256 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Kevin |
Hi! |
| 44257 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Angela |
Oh... I don't- I don't want any- what are you guys doing here? |
| 44258 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Oscar |
We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite. |
| 44259 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Senator Lipton |
Well, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton. |
| 44260 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Kevin |
Phillip is so fat. |
| 44261 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Oscar |
Kevin! |
| 44262 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Kevin |
You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. But you didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby. |
| 44263 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Angela |
Hey. |
| 44264 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Senator Lipton |
Yes, he's substantial. |
| 44265 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6605 |
Erin |
He's more than substantial. He's a monster. |
| 44266 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
So this whole hit and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop... |
| 44267 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 44268 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane? |
| 44269 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 44270 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. Busted, Halpert! |
| 44271 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Jim |
Okay, wait, wait. |
| 44272 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
Yes! Andy, get out here. |
| 44273 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Jim |
No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you. |
| 44274 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights. |
| 44275 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
What's up, gangstas? |
| 44276 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him! |
| 44277 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory. |
| 44278 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
I have Jim on the record saying that the vic- |
| 44279 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
No. Dwight! I have me on the record, saying to you, take a chill pill. |
| 44280 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill. |
| 44281 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
Here, right there. Down the hatch. |
| 44282 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
I really don't want to take the chill pill. |
| 44283 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
Attaboy. Good. Now, chill. |
| 44284 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
Okay, okay. But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fire him, right? |
| 44285 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Andy |
Yeah, sure, of course. I'd fire him to Timbuktu. |
| 44286 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6606 |
Dwight |
That's good enough for me. |
| 44287 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Jim |
...and Pam was just going crazy, trying to take care of Philip because Cece has been out of control recently, and- look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is, I just feel terrible lying to you. |
| 44288 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Andy |
I feel terrible getting lied to. No one's ever lied to me before. |
| 44289 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Jim |
Okay. I think the best thing to do right now is just come clean and tell everybody the truth. |
| 44290 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Andy |
No, not after what I told Dwight about firing you. No. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to have ourselves a good old-fashioned cover-up. Have you ever heard of a Connecticut cover-up? |
| 44291 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Jim |
No. |
| 44292 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Andy |
Do you know why you never heard of it? |
| 44293 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Jim |
No. |
| 44294 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Andy |
Covered it up. |
| 44295 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Jim |
Are you sure you can keep this under wraps? |
| 44296 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6607 |
Andy |
They used to call me King Tut because I'm so good at keeping things under wraps. |
| 44297 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6608 |
Andy |
My nickname was actually King Butt, because I had a king-size butt. |
| 44298 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6609 |
Ernesto |
Where you want I park? |
| 44299 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Okay, everybody, gather 'round. Got a real special surprise for you. |
| 44300 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Toby |
Ernesto! |
| 44301 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Ernesto |
Hola Toby! |
| 44302 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Toby |
Yeah, hey. |
| 44303 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Ernesto |
Como esta? |
| 44304 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Nate |
Uh, I'm going to say "I" when I'm talking for Ernesto, so instead of "he says blah, blah, blah," I'm going to say "I say, blah, blah, blah," but that's for him. Anyway, it was something like, "He remembers Toby." "I remember Toby." |
| 44305 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Okay- oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar? |
| 44306 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Jim |
Uh- |
| 44307 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Toby |
It's the empanada guy. |
| 44308 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Jim |
The empanada guy! |
| 44309 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
No, Toby! Damn it, Toby! No, I wasn't asking you. Ask him if he remembers Jim. |
| 44310 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Ernesto |
No. |
| 44311 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Nate |
He says, "No." |
| 44312 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
He says, "No!" Boom! |
| 44313 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
Yeah but who remembers all their customers? I mean, I can name like three of our clients. |
| 44314 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Okay, he remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world. |
| 44315 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Nate |
Ah, he doesn't want any trouble, he sees lots of people, they come from all around to eat his delicious meat pockets. |
| 44316 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Jim |
Uh, you guys are going to love these. So, empanadas on me. You guys gotta try them. |
| 44317 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Creed |
Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink. |
| 44318 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, Jim, why don't you tell us your story again? |
| 44319 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
Why? Everybody's heard it. |
| 44320 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Walk us through it. What time would you get there every morning? |
| 44321 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
Hey, Murder She Wrote. How about we drop the whole 'Murder, She Wrote' thing, okay? Jim was at the courthouse for jury duty every morning. How do I know? Because I drove him there. |
| 44322 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Phyllis |
Why? |
| 44323 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
Why? Why? |
| 44324 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Jim |
Because my car broke down. |
| 44325 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
His car broke down. So he called me, 'cause I live near the courthouse. |
| 44326 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse? |
| 44327 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Andy |
Thirty minutes out, thirty minutes back, easy hour. And I would watch that cute little tushie scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning and that was that. |
| 44328 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6610 |
Phyllis |
I'm sorry, do you have any American Mexican food? |
| 44329 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6611 |
Andy |
We're getting buried out there. What was that stuff about the car breaking down? |
| 44330 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6611 |
Jim |
Well, I think you handled it pretty well. |
| 44331 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6611 |
Andy |
I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim. I can't keep spinning gold out of your . |
| 44332 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6611 |
Jim |
Okay, listen, all right? Dwight's on to us, he's going to figure it out really soon, so let's just get ahead of it, let's tell the truth. |
| 44333 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6611 |
Andy |
I don't even know what the truth is anymore. |
| 44334 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Oscar |
Wow, it's so... healthy. |
| 44335 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Kevin |
I'm going to call him Little Kevin. |
| 44336 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Angela |
No, you will not. |
| 44337 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Erin |
Is he really five pounds? |
| 44338 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Angela |
Mm-hmm. |
| 44339 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Erin |
Because I squat with five pounds. This- yeah, this feels like more than that. |
| 44340 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Senator Lipton |
No, no, no, he's nine pounds, seven ounces. |
| 44341 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Angela |
Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs, I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something, oh. So, what did you bring? |
| 44342 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Oscar |
Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but- |
| 44343 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Senator Lipton |
Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park. |
| 44344 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Angela |
Aw, preemie pajamas! |
| 44345 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Oscar |
Again, it may not be the right size. I can return- |
| 44346 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Angela |
No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you. |
| 44347 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6612 |
Kevin |
I got Little Kevin Call of Duty. |
| 44348 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6613 |
Oscar |
This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow. |
| 44349 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Jim |
Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry, I didn't know that my absence last week would have been a burden on any of you, because, though I did have jury duty last week, they did dismiss me early on Monday. And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. I kind of, uh, well, maybe took the week off. |
| 44350 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Stanley |
What? |
| 44351 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Jim |
Funny? No? Nobody laughing? |
| 44352 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Dwight |
You're screwed! Oh, it's happening. It's really happening. |
| 44353 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Stanley |
What the hell, Jim? I covered for your bony butt. |
| 44354 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Jim |
Pam really needed some help with the kids, so, I promise my intentions were good. |
| 44355 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Dwight |
Your clients. They're all mine. |
| 44356 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Darryl |
Jim, I got my ass chewed out because one of your orders got messed up. And Andy, you said you drove him to the courthouse. |
| 44357 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Andy |
Uh, I did, every morning. And if I didn't, then I hope I die. |
| 44358 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Dwight |
All right, well. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Allow me to give you a hand. Here we are. So long, clump-mate. I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, I never thought that this was how it was going to end. I always thought that I was going to defeat you somehow. But you've defeated yourself. |
| 44359 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Andy |
Dwight, cut it out. I'm not firing Jim. |
| 44360 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. You said- you said that you were- |
| 44361 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Andy |
I know what I said. Jim, you're in deep doo-doo. Do you understand? I have one thing to say to you, and I'm going to say it in front of this whole office. Look me in the eye. |
| 44362 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6614 |
Dwight |
That's it? This is crap! |
| 44363 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6615 |
Gabe |
You've reached Gabe Lewis, I'm currently indisposed. Leave me a message. Ciao. |
| 44364 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6615 |
Dwight |
Gabe, it's Dwight again. Highest priority, triple-urgent. Call me. Immediately. That means ASAP. |
| 44365 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6616 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna find Gabe, tell him what Jim did and let the little stickler do what he does best: stickle. |
| 44366 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
Shh. |
| 44367 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
Honestly, I can return this for a larger size. |
| 44368 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? It's not the barrio. |
| 44369 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate. |
| 44370 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
Ah! |
| 44371 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Kevin |
Little Kevin. |
| 44372 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
Really? |
| 44373 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
Angela. |
| 44374 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
Fine, God. Philip was conceived nine months ago. |
| 44375 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
I knew that, I knew it. |
| 44376 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
The senator and I wanted to wait, but we had just seen Thor and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata. |
| 44377 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
Chicken marsala. |
| 44378 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
Right. Um, point is, Philip was conceived out of wedlock. |
| 44379 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Oscar |
Mm-hmm. |
| 44380 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6617 |
Angela |
And now you all know, but you can never tell. I'm serious. |
| 44381 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
Dwight. Hey. |
| 44382 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
Oh, hey. Have you seen Gabe? |
| 44383 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
He went to the car or something, but he'll be back. |
| 44384 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 44385 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
Don't you want to see the baby? |
| 44386 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now. |
| 44387 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
I promised I wouldn't tell. |
| 44388 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
So don't. |
| 44389 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
Angela got pregnant before the wedding. |
| 44390 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 44391 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
She got pregnant before the wedding. |
| 44392 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
How long before? |
| 44393 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Oscar |
A month. You didn't hear it from me! |
| 44394 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6618 |
Dwight |
Yes I did. |
| 44395 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6619 |
Angela |
Dwight? |
| 44396 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6619 |
Senator Lipton |
Dwight. |
| 44397 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6619 |
Dwight |
I want to see the baby. |
| 44398 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6619 |
Erin |
Oh, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it. |
| 44399 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6619 |
Dwight |
Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... willingly, or as slaves. |
| 44400 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6620 |
Dwight |
That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose s*x, that baby is mine. |
| 44401 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6621 |
Angela |
He's hungry. |
| 44402 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6621 |
Senator Lipton |
Oh, that's my cue to leave. |
| 44403 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6621 |
Angela |
No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover. |
| 44404 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6621 |
Senator Lipton |
Still. Still. |
| 44405 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6621 |
Angela |
You won't see- |
| 44406 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6622 |
Jim |
You want a giraffe? |
| 44407 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Jim |
Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam. |
| 44408 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Pam |
Hi. Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here. |
| 44409 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Jim |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face. |
| 44410 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Pam |
Oh right, okay. Hey Stanley, it's great to see you! |
| 44411 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Jim |
Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think. |
| 44412 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Pam |
Oh, hi Stanley. |
| 44413 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Jim |
Split the difference? |
| 44414 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Pam |
Jim. |
| 44415 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6623 |
Jim |
Okay, let's go. |
| 44416 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 44417 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 44418 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Hi everybody! |
| 44419 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
What? |
| 44420 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
All |
Hi. |
| 44421 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
How about a little visit? |
| 44422 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers. |
| 44423 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Creed |
Hey, Angela's back with her baby. |
| 44424 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip. |
| 44425 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Andy |
Aw! You guys. He's licking on my finger, just like my cat does. |
| 44426 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Creed |
Let me have a turn. |
| 44427 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
No, it's the pacifier's turn. |
| 44428 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Creed |
All right. |
| 44429 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people? |
| 44430 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Yes! Cece wanted to thank everybody for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, so she brought you a little treat. |
| 44431 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Phyllis |
Cookies? |
| 44432 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
No, but that would've been a really good idea. |
| 44433 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
That was a great idea. |
| 44434 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
No, she brought you drawings. |
| 44435 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy. |
| 44436 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Andy |
Oh! |
| 44437 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
Oh, Aunt Phyllis. |
| 44438 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Phyllis |
Oh. |
| 44439 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Andy |
Wow, these are incredible. Cece, did you do these? |
| 44440 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
No. |
| 44441 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
She says "no" to everything. You know, she thinks my name is "No." Cece, do you want some broccoli? |
| 44442 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
Yes. |
| 44443 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
No. It's crazy. |
| 44444 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Ryan |
Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to? |
| 44445 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Andy |
There's cross-hatching in some of these. That's kind of advanced for a two-year-old. |
| 44446 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Kelly |
Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture? |
| 44447 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
No. |
| 44448 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Kelly |
So then this means nothing to you. |
| 44449 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Andy |
Hey, Cece, why don't you draw another picture for us, exactly like this one, or at least in the exact same style? |
| 44450 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right? |
| 44451 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
Mama! |
| 44452 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Shh. |
| 44453 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
I don't know what else we can do here. |
| 44454 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
Mama, mama, mama. |
| 44455 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
It's okay. |
| 44456 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Oh, it's okay, sweetie. |
| 44457 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
All right, all right. Okay. |
| 44458 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
It's okay, honey. It's okay, it's okay. |
| 44459 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Jim |
All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this. |
| 44460 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Pam |
Shh. |
| 44461 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6624 |
Cece |
Mama! |
| 44462 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me. |
| 44463 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby. |
| 44464 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding? |
| 44465 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
That is completely untrue. |
| 44466 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Completely true. Remember? Angela. No. |
| 44467 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
You said that Robert was not fulfilling you- |
| 44468 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
I did not. Uh-uh. |
| 44469 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
-and I said, "I bet I could fulfill you," and you said, "I'd like to see you try," and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls. |
| 44470 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
That didn't happen. |
| 44471 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
And then I inserted my penis- |
| 44472 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
No! Stop it! |
| 44473 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Into your- |
| 44474 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
Dwight. |
| 44475 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
v*g1n* and- |
| 44476 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
And even if it did, it's just a coincidence. |
| 44477 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Admit that there is a chance. |
| 44478 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
I will not. |
| 44479 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Admit it. Admit it. |
| 44480 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
I will not, it's not- |
| 44481 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Senator Lipton |
All done? |
| 44482 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 44483 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Senator Lipton |
Mmm. |
| 44484 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
Yes, yes. He's sleeping. |
| 44485 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Dwight |
Before I go, may I? |
| 44486 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6625 |
Angela |
Sure. Watch the head, watch the head. |
| 44487 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6626 |
Dwight |
Nurse, you know that baby in there, baby Philip? Cancel the circumcision. |
| 44488 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6626 |
Nurse |
Who are you? |
| 44489 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6626 |
Dwight |
I just might be his father. |
| 44490 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6626 |
Nurse |
I don't know what that means. We're gonna circumcise him. |
| 44491 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out? |
| 44492 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Cece |
No! |
| 44493 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything? |
| 44494 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Pam |
I'm looking, I'm looking for the pacifier. |
| 44495 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
Cece! |
| 44496 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Pam |
Okay, we're going. |
| 44497 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud. |
| 44498 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Pam |
Shh, shh, shh. |
| 44499 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
I know, I know. |
| 44500 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Pam |
You want to grab her? |
| 44501 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
I'm gonna grab her, okay. |
| 44502 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Pam |
Here we go, here we go. |
| 44503 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up. |
| 44504 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Stanley |
We'll see you tomorrow. |
| 44505 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Jim |
No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back. |
| 44506 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Phyllis |
No, just go home. |
| 44507 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6627 |
Darryl |
It's all good, we got this. |
| 44508 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6628 |
Darryl |
I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation. |
| 44509 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6629 |
Pam |
Jim. |
| 44510 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6629 |
Phyllis |
Just go. |
| 44511 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6629 |
Andy |
Hey, we'll be just fine. |
| 44512 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6629 |
Jim |
Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go. |
| 44513 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6629 |
Andy |
Oh, whew! |
| 44514 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6630 |
Andy |
Dwight, what the hell? You can't smoke in here. |
| 44515 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6630 |
Dwight |
Oh, right. The office looks different now. Huh. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger. Hello Gabe. |
| 44516 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6630 |
Gabe |
You had something important to tell me? |
| 44517 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6630 |
Dwight |
Oh, you know, I did but now it seems infinitely insignificant. |
| 44518 |
8 |
13 |
Jury Duty |
6631 |
Dwight |
Jim? Oh, right. Nah, forget it. He was doing it for his kids. I get it. Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. Am I right? |
| 44519 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Jim |
Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty. |
| 44520 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Hey guys! |
| 44521 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
All |
Hey. |
| 44522 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 44523 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Andy |
Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! |
| 44524 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Phyllis |
Are you glad to be back? |
| 44525 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three. |
| 44526 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Stanley |
You still had eight weeks more than we did. |
| 44527 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Well, it's not exactly a vacation. |
| 44528 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi! |
| 44529 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Dwight |
What are you doing here? You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin...family baby. Four days ago. |
| 44530 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave. |
| 44531 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
What?! |
| 44532 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Kelly |
Damn girl! Your body! |
| 44533 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Oscar |
Angela, you look amazing. |
| 44534 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so I made some treats. I've got brownies and magic cookie bars. |
| 44535 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Oh Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts. You're allergic to walnuts, right Kevin? |
| 44536 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Kevin |
Extremely, but I'm gonna fight through it. |
| 44537 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Aw. It's OK Angela. I have mommy brain too. |
| 44538 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
I don't know what that is, Pam. I made a batch with no nuts, special for you Kevin, right here. |
| 44539 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
When did you find time to do all this? |
| 44540 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
Babies sleep a lot Pam, if you feed them enough. Brownie Pam? |
| 44541 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
Thank you. Oh my gosh. It's really good. |
| 44542 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Angela |
I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight. Ugh. |
| 44543 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
So you guys, you know what's an even more useful treat...is cash. So- |
| 44544 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Jim |
Nope. It's over. |
| 44545 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Pam |
...we wanted to say thank you- |
| 44546 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6632 |
Jim |
Nope. OK. |
| 44547 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Andy |
Dwight, I have exciting news for you. |
| 44548 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 44549 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Andy |
I think you're going to like it. |
| 44550 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Dwight |
You can't tantalize me. |
| 44551 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Andy |
Oooh, maybe I can. I got an email... from corporate....that told me that... |
| 44552 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Dwight |
OK. |
| 44553 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Andy |
That... you got a promotion! Right? I mean that's not the kinda thing you wanna read quietly at your desk. |
| 44554 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Dwight |
If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear. |
| 44555 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Andy |
No, this is legit. You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores. |
| 44556 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6633 |
Dwight |
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, hi-yes! Yeah yeah yeah yeah! |
| 44557 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6634 |
Dwight |
The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean. |
| 44558 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Erin |
And here's the fax for you. |
| 44559 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Andy |
And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes. |
| 44560 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Erin |
Ah! Love to learn. |
| 44561 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Andy |
Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one. |
| 44562 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Erin |
So... |
| 44563 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Andy |
Uh yeah, look at that. |
| 44564 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Erin |
We're pin twins. |
| 44565 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Andy |
Pin twins! This is a gift from Jessica, kind of a gag gift really. Real gifts come later. |
| 44566 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6635 |
Erin |
Yeah. That's cute. When I saw it in CVS it made me gag too. |
| 44567 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6636 |
Erin |
For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica. |
| 44568 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6637 |
Darryl |
What do we have here? |
| 44569 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6638 |
Darryl |
Val knit me a beanie. But I can't if it's a "we're just friends" beanie or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it poppin'" beanie. So I'm gonna up the ante, give her a clearly romantic gift, and we'll get to the meaning of the beanie. |
| 44570 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Dwight |
Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks. |
| 44571 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Pam |
Really? |
| 44572 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Dwight |
Mm hm. |
| 44573 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Pam |
I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque. |
| 44574 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Jim |
Ooh, me three. |
| 44575 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Dwight |
Eh! No plus one's. This is for competent workers only. And don't worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill. |
| 44576 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Pam |
Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about? |
| 44577 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6639 |
Dwight |
God, you're such a spy. |
| 44578 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Notice anything different about me? |
| 44579 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Val |
You're wearing the beanie. You like it? |
| 44580 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Super comfortable. Like sweatpants for my head. |
| 44581 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
I love it too Val. It's it's really itchy, uh but to be fair my head is constantly itching so I can't really peg it on the hat. |
| 44582 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Wow. It's like the nation of Islam down here. |
| 44583 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Val |
I like to knit, don't hate. And who's that for? |
| 44584 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Oh, this is a gift, for....my man Nate here. |
| 44585 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
What? |
| 44586 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 44587 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
Darryl, you shouldn't have. |
| 44588 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Hey. |
| 44589 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
Can I open it? |
| 44590 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
No, no, no. Maybe just later. |
| 44591 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
Ah, I can't wait. I'm sorry. I get too excited. Darryl. |
| 44592 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Val |
Wow. Those are really nice. |
| 44593 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
They're so elegant. |
| 44594 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Val |
Cashmere. |
| 44595 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
How'd you know? |
| 44596 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Darryl |
Just a hunch. Your gift is on the way. |
| 44597 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Val |
Can't wait. |
| 44598 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6640 |
Nate |
"I'm glad you're in my life. Happy Valentine's Day." Ugh, Darryl. I am glad to be in your life too. Oh, your card is more beautiful than the gloves. |
| 44599 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6641 |
Dwight |
My first task as special project manager Dwight Shrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who'll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won't be missed. We don't need idiots, good for nothing's, methheads or... What's your name? |
| 44600 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6641 |
Kathy |
Kathy. |
| 44601 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6641 |
Dwight |
Kathy. |
| 44602 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6642 |
Jim |
I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida". |
| 44603 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6642 |
Pam |
Why? Does he think you're going to Florida? |
| 44604 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6642 |
Jim |
I hope not. Because I am not going. Two question marks? |
| 44605 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6642 |
Pam |
No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like wha-what?? Just do one. |
| 44606 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Andy |
You wanna take Darryl, Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar? |
| 44607 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 44608 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Andy |
Can I interest you in someone less essential? Like uh a Creed or a Meredith perhaps? |
| 44609 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Dwight |
Oh my god. |
| 44610 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Andy |
They're not expendable exactly, I just can't...I can't think of the word I'm trying to find. |
| 44611 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Dwight |
Are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to get in an airplane with those nincompoops? We'd never get off the runway. |
| 44612 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Andy |
Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list, here's your team. Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin. |
| 44613 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Dwight |
Oh god. |
| 44614 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6643 |
Andy |
You have your team. |
| 44615 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6644 |
Dwight |
Kevin!? Kelly!? Kathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf. |
| 44616 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Pam |
Well, let's hear it. |
| 44617 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Jim |
"Robert, Hey!" Exclamation point. |
| 44618 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Pam |
I like it so far. |
| 44619 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Jim |
"Got your text, awesome idea. Let's hit the links next time you're in PA" Dash JH. |
| 44620 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Pam |
It's perfect. You emphasized the golf, completely omit the Florida. |
| 44621 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Jim |
Yeah, it's a golf text. |
| 44622 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Pam |
Total golf text. Send it. |
| 44623 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Jim |
Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him. |
| 44624 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6645 |
Kelly |
You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh. |
| 44625 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Darryl |
This is Darryl. |
| 44626 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Bob Vance |
Oh, sorry I asked for the main shipping number. I just need the address for the warehouse? I want to send my girlfriend some flowers. |
| 44627 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Darryl |
Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val? |
| 44628 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Bob Vance |
Yeah, do you know her? |
| 44629 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Darryl |
We're friends. We're friends. |
| 44630 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Bob Vance |
Cool. Um, so can I get that address or...? |
| 44631 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Darryl |
Yeah sorry, I'm just looking for a pen. |
| 44632 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Bob Vance |
Why do you need a pen? |
| 44633 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6646 |
Darryl |
Back off! I got my reasons. |
| 44634 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
May I have your attention please? Could Kathy, Darryl, Phyllis, Kevin and Kelly please join me in the conference room immediately? |
| 44635 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Kelly |
Why? |
| 44636 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
Oh, no big deal. It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three week all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida. |
| 44637 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Kelly |
Hell yeah. |
| 44638 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Stanley |
What?! |
| 44639 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
Oh, I'm sorry Stanley, I can't share any more details with you. You see, Andy rejected you. |
| 44640 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Meredith |
Wait. Kathy gets to go? Uh, why does she even still work here? Pam is back. |
| 44641 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Oscar |
It just feels like a slap in the face. |
| 44642 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
I can understand your pain and your rage, but you know what? Andy is an honorable man, let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons. |
| 44643 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Oscar |
We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are. |
| 44644 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
I know, you and me both, brother. It seemed kinda random to me, but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime. |
| 44645 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Kevin |
Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape. |
| 44646 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
Good point. But we're gonna be working pretty hard until five PM. After that it's gonna be beach volleyball, trips to Cape Canaveral, and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan. |
| 44647 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Ryan |
What are the criteria for going? |
| 44648 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
It might be innate goodness versus innate badness? But there's an easy way to find out. Oh Andy, gotta few questions for you. |
| 44649 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Andy |
Mooshie mooshie. |
| 44650 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
Uh, the Florida picks got out, and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked and maybe you could just clarify? |
| 44651 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Andy |
Well uh...well the deliberations were confidential so...I feel like we should respect that. |
| 44652 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Stanley |
Respect it? You're trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson. |
| 44653 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Kevin |
Hey! |
| 44654 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Angela |
Ok, it's obvious Andy picked the people that are least important to the office. |
| 44655 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Kelly |
Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch. |
| 44656 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Angela |
My baby is not a monster! |
| 44657 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Dwight |
Hey. Be proud of your enormous monster baby. I was once an enormous monster baby. |
| 44658 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Andy |
Guys. Guys. Guys. Come on, seriously? We cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys! |
| 44659 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6647 |
Ryan |
Stop calling us "guys". |
| 44660 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6648 |
Andy |
I use the word "guys" a lot when I'm nervous...guys. |
| 44661 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Guys! Guys! Guys! |
| 44662 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Group |
Stop it! |
| 44663 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Guys.. |
| 44664 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Ryan |
Stop. Stop it Andy. |
| 44665 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Oscar |
...Andy. |
| 44666 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Dudes...the dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me. |
| 44667 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Dwight |
OK hey. I specifically remember there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered. |
| 44668 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Wha- |
| 44669 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Stanley |
If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice. |
| 44670 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
OK, I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly, so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida, I'm happy to hear you out. |
| 44671 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Dwight |
Great idea! So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours, come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida and Andy and I will listen to it. |
| 44672 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
No. That is a ridiculous waste of time. |
| 44673 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Kelly |
For you maybe. |
| 44674 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Five to six hours? |
| 44675 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Dwight |
Three to four hours. |
| 44676 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
No no no no. |
| 44677 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Dwight |
Two to three hours... |
| 44678 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Nope. |
| 44679 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Dwight |
Come up with a statement in the next hour.... |
| 44680 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Andy |
Thirty minutes! |
| 44681 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6649 |
Creed |
I'm out. |
| 44682 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Pam |
Ok, read it back to me. |
| 44683 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Jim |
Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets. |
| 44684 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Pam |
Good. Doesn't sound pushy...you're just stating a fact. |
| 44685 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Erin |
Absolutely. Works for me. |
| 44686 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Jim |
Ok, sending. |
| 44687 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Pam |
Well done. And we managed to kill the entire morning. |
| 44688 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6650 |
Jim |
Really did He responded L-O-L. |
| 44689 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6651 |
Phyllis |
I have a new swimsuit I need to break in.... |
| 44690 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6651 |
Meredith |
I am... |
| 44691 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6651 |
Dwight |
I have already picked my team: Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby and that is the team that I am taking. What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence? Well, that's all Baltzer Gladfielder had and no one eats owls for Thanksgiving. |
| 44692 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6652 |
Ryan |
You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends, who know youth. That's myself and Kelly Kapoor, you need one of us there. |
| 44693 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6652 |
Andy |
Or both? |
| 44694 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6652 |
Ryan |
Not both. Just one, me. Or if not me, Kelly. Ideally me. Again, youth knowledge. That's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team...or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks. |
| 44695 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6652 |
Andy |
Very impressive. He put a lot of work into that. |
| 44696 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6652 |
Dwight |
Mm-hm. Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world. All show, no meat. |
| 44697 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6653 |
Kevin |
Because I feel like that I'm in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know, just sitting, watching, enjoying the sport? Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something... |
| 44698 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6653 |
Dwight |
Ok. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know. |
| 44699 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6653 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 44700 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6653 |
Kevin |
When do we leave? |
| 44701 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6653 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 44702 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6654 |
Toby |
It has been a long, lonely winter. |
| 44703 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6654 |
Dwight |
Wow. Seasonal effective disorder, AKA: sad. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby. |
| 44704 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6654 |
Toby |
It is real, thank you for saying that. |
| 44705 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6654 |
Andy |
Yeah, wow. It's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter? |
| 44706 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6655 |
Stanley |
Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team. |
| 44707 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Dwight |
Maybe it's what she does here... |
| 44708 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Andy |
Well... |
| 44709 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Erin |
Hey guys, any spots left? |
| 44710 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Andy |
Erin, you wanna go to Tallahassee? |
| 44711 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Erin |
I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head. |
| 44712 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Dwight |
You know I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head any more than it has been already. I think you need a workplace where the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality. |
| 44713 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Erin |
Either or. But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go. |
| 44714 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Andy |
Well it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in.. |
| 44715 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6656 |
Erin |
Really? Oh, great. Good, ahem, good. |
| 44716 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Jim |
Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation? |
| 44717 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Pam |
I think you need to go to Florida. |
| 44718 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Jim |
I think you're right. |
| 44719 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Pam |
It's only for three weeks, you know with my mom and sister at the house it'll be.. |
| 44720 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Jim |
Total nightmare. |
| 44721 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Pam |
I was going to say good because I'll have all the help I need? |
| 44722 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Jim |
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone. |
| 44723 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6657 |
Pam |
Exactly. |
| 44724 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
Well, No! No! Absolutely not! You are not going. Over my dead body, no. Andy? |
| 44725 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Andy |
Tuns, I'm really sorry. You're too essential to the operation here, I can't let you go. |
| 44726 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
I wouldn't say that...it's a bit much. |
| 44727 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go. |
| 44728 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
Jim is essential to th- |
| 44729 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
Hold on, just wanna get it on camera. |
| 44730 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
Andy, Jim is just too...essen-... |
| 44731 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
Essential. |
| 44732 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
This is stupid! Cut. |
| 44733 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks. |
| 44734 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
He doesn't even want to go. |
| 44735 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates. |
| 44736 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Dwight |
Oh my god. |
| 44737 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6658 |
Jim |
Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water. |
| 44738 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Andy |
OK, listen up everyone, here's who's going to Florida: Kathy.. |
| 44739 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 44740 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Andy |
....Stanley.. |
| 44741 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 44742 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Andy |
...Ryan... |
| 44743 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 44744 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Andy |
...Erin... |
| 44745 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Dwight |
(Bleep) |
| 44746 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Andy |
...And, Jim. |
| 44747 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6659 |
Dwight |
You've gotta be (bleep)-ing kidding me. Ok. Ok, Florida group, welcome to the team. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 44748 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Dwight |
Let's go, step it up you runts. You infants, let's move. |
| 44749 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Stanley |
Why is it so hot in here? |
| 44750 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Dwight |
Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you've ever faced. They're gonna be hard, they're gonna be dirty. You're gonna wish you were dead. |
| 44751 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Ryan |
But... |
| 44752 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Dwight |
But? There's not buts. That's it. You'll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here? |
| 44753 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Ryan |
No no, I want to go. |
| 44754 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Dwight |
Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell. |
| 44755 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Jim |
Is that the buzzer from Taboo? |
| 44756 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6660 |
Dwight |
SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it. |
| 44757 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6661 |
Dwight |
How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance? |
| 44758 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6661 |
Stanley |
How did a mosquito get in here? |
| 44759 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6662 |
Dwight |
I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes. |
| 44760 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6663 |
Dwight |
Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says "I'm gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt" unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, oh. What was that? |
| 44761 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6663 |
Jim |
Mosquito. |
| 44762 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6663 |
Dwight |
Orientation is over. |
| 44763 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Nate |
Oh Darryl, hey. |
| 44764 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
Hey what's up? You called? |
| 44765 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Nate |
Yeah, you know I, I felt really terrible that you got me these lovely gloves and I didn't get you anything... |
| 44766 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
It's cool really. |
| 44767 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Nate |
No, it's anything but cool. Now I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but uh, here goes. |
| 44768 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
"This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster attack" |
| 44769 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Nate |
Yeah, they're Nate coupons. Or Nate-pons. And they're all different. Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum, anytime, any place. I'll find you. |
| 44770 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
Thanks. Nice flowers. |
| 44771 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Val |
Thanks, they're from my mom. |
| 44772 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
Your mom? |
| 44773 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Val |
Yeah. |
| 44774 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
Uh. So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address? Real deep voiced woman? |
| 44775 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Val |
Yeah, that's her. |
| 44776 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Darryl |
She said her name was Brandon, I think. Your mom's name is Brandon? |
| 44777 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6664 |
Val |
Yeah Darryl, my mom's name is Brandon. |
| 44778 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6665 |
Darryl |
Then I guess I figured out where I stand. This is a love beanie. |
| 44779 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6666 |
Dwight |
Ok, Florida team, let's reconvene. |
| 44780 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6667 |
Erin |
I'm going to Florida.....and I'm not coming back. |
| 44781 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate. |
| 44782 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Jim |
So, what is this special project? |
| 44783 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
Basically Sabre has tasked us with helping them branch into the retail marketplace. They want to set up their own version of an Apple store. |
| 44784 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Jim |
That sounds awesome. |
| 44785 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
It did, it did. |
| 44786 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Ryan |
You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it. |
| 44787 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Erin |
Yeah. And they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers before they see you so you don't have to carry it around like a dope. Like a coat check. Oh, don't write it down unless you like it. |
| 44788 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
Oh, I like it. |
| 44789 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Ryan |
It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party? |
| 44790 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that. They need to be all business. Let all the other stores look like a toy store. |
| 44791 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Ryan |
Right. Think different, from Apple. |
| 44792 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Jim |
Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us? |
| 44793 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6668 |
Dwight |
Yes. What are my expectations for the group? |
| 44794 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6669 |
Dwight |
I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player, Ryan, who is capable of surprises, Erin, an excellent follower and Kathy, a probably not totally useless enigma. And, well, Jim. Under the right manager, that's not a bad team. Perfectinschlag. |
| 44795 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6670 |
Kelly |
I don't know how I'm going to live here without you. |
| 44796 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6670 |
Ryan |
Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair? I just realized I'm not going to need it down there. |
| 44797 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6670 |
Kelly |
Yes, I will take your coat. And I will keep it with me, and I will sleep with it because it smells like you. |
| 44798 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6670 |
Ryan |
No, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair. |
| 44799 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Pam |
Alright |
| 44800 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 44801 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Pam |
Bye. Call me when you land. |
| 44802 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Jim |
I will. |
| 44803 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Andy |
Safe travels. |
| 44804 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Erin |
Goodbye for a very very long time. |
| 44805 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6671 |
Andy |
Oh, K. It's only three weeks. |
| 44806 |
8 |
14 |
Special Project |
6672 |
Kathy |
All expenses paid. Yeah, Jim's gonna be there. Their marriage is not good. Nobody knows better than me. Definitely we will. It's three weeks in Tallahassee, what else is there to do? |
| 44807 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6673 |
Dwight |
Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late. |
| 44808 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6674 |
Dwight |
Wake up! |
| 44809 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6675 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wake up! Ow! Why are you sleeping that way? |
| 44810 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6675 |
Erin |
Oh. I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep. |
| 44811 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6676 |
Dwight |
Stanley! Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fire! |
| 44812 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6676 |
Erin |
Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day! |
| 44813 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6676 |
Stanley |
Mmm! Ugh! |
| 44814 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6676 |
Dwight |
Good morning. |
| 44815 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6677 |
Erin |
Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun. We're in Florida now. |
| 44816 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6677 |
Ryan |
Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening. I actually came to your door twice last night. Come on in, the water's fine. Oh, not cool! |
| 44817 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6678 |
Jim |
I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh- |
| 44818 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6678 |
Dwight |
Heeeere's Dwi- what the-? Oh man. |
| 44819 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6678 |
Erin |
What do you think happened? |
| 44820 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6678 |
Dwight |
Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples. Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh. |
| 44821 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6679 |
Jim |
Puppet. |
| 44822 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6679 |
Cathy |
Cool, for your kids? |
| 44823 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6679 |
Jim |
Yeah. It's weird being away from them. Never done this before. |
| 44824 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6679 |
Dwight |
Attention, Dunder Mifflin group. Proceed outside. The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned. Shotgun goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan. |
| 44825 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6680 |
Dwight |
I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her. |
| 44826 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6681 |
Dwight |
I'll have a bottle of the antacid. Also, I want to get a souvenir for my son, but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also, I want it to have a Florida feel. |
| 44827 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6681 |
Saleswoman |
What does he like? |
| 44828 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6681 |
Dwight |
Power. |
| 44829 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Ryan |
Okay, and this one is, "Huh. Don't see too many museums around here." |
| 44830 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Dwight |
Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car. |
| 44831 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Erin |
Hey, are you okay? |
| 44832 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Dwight |
I'm fine, okay? It's just stress. You know, 'cause I care about this project. And frankly the fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now I find very alarming. |
| 44833 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Erin |
Who says none of us are diarrheal? |
| 44834 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Jim |
Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you. |
| 44835 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Dwight |
Very funny, Jim. |
| 44836 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Jim |
Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, "For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?" and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something? |
| 44837 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna set your face on fire. |
| 44838 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Jim |
That's a good one. Whoa, Stanley! Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub? |
| 44839 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Stanley |
Laugh it up, Halpert. I'm in Florida for a month without my family. I'm gonna enjoy this. Want to get in? You can work the iPod. |
| 44840 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 44841 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Stanley |
You're a nice guy, Jim, but you have no idea how to vacation. Find some Kenny Loggins. |
| 44842 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Jim |
Loggins and Messina. |
| 44843 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6682 |
Stanley |
Did I say "Messina?" |
| 44844 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Ahh! Sorry I couldn't resist. It's so quiet. |
| 44845 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Creed |
I like it. It's so peaceful, I've already written like, twelve plays today. |
| 44846 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin... I thought that would be cooler. |
| 44847 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Darryl |
I loved it. |
| 44848 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Meredith |
Hey, can you pick up the pin? Some of us like to work in our bare feet. |
| 44849 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Of course, I will pick up the pin. It is right here. Got it. |
| 44850 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Oscar |
Can we see that? Did you really find it? |
| 44851 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Yes, right here. Got it. Dink, ow. In the trash. |
| 44852 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Pam |
Hey, why is it so quiet? Shouldn't the phone be ringing? Uh-oh. Erin set the phone to voicemail. |
| 44853 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Everyone |
Oh great. |
| 44854 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Kelly |
We're screwed. |
| 44855 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Pam |
There. |
| 44856 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Oh! There we go! Pam? |
| 44857 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 44858 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Can you get the phone? |
| 44859 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Pam |
Well I'm not the receptionist. |
| 44860 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Mm, well, you used to be. |
| 44861 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Pam |
I know, but I can't cover reception. I have a ton of work to do. |
| 44862 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Phone's ringing. |
| 44863 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Kelly |
Will one of you get the phone? I am freaking out! I know it's for me. Are you guys kidding me? Stop flirting and someone get the phone! |
| 44864 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Everyone |
Somebody! Answer the phone. |
| 44865 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Kelly |
Andy, pick up the phone! |
| 44866 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Stanley |
Get the damn phone. |
| 44867 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Meredith |
You're the closest one to it. |
| 44868 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6683 |
Andy |
Fine. Hello, Dunder Mifflin. Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service? |
| 44869 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6684 |
Jim |
Man. |
| 44870 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6684 |
Cathy |
How was the drive? |
| 44871 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6684 |
Jim |
Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast. |
| 44872 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6684 |
Stanley |
Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse." That's one of my mottoes. |
| 44873 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6684 |
Jim |
I would love to hear the other mottos. |
| 44874 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6685 |
Packer |
Quick query, Halpert. |
| 44875 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6685 |
Jim |
No way. |
| 44876 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6685 |
Packer |
Still queer? |
| 44877 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6685 |
Dwight |
Packer. |
| 44878 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6685 |
Packer |
You can't put me down. Too strong! |
| 44879 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6686 |
Packer |
Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch- |
| 44880 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Psst. Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?" |
| 44881 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Ryan |
So who's leading this thing, anyway? |
| 44882 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him." |
| 44883 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Ryan |
I can't wait to meet him. |
| 44884 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Him, you say? Don't think a woman can be a leader? |
| 44885 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Ryan |
I- |
| 44886 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping pen1s? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping pen1s is right here, and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my pen1s. I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-" |
| 44887 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Jim |
It was- |
| 44888 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Ah! It was. I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought thirteen pianos. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store? Hmm? So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" So let's talk about the Sabre store then. Probably gonna look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? What do you think it should look like? |
| 44889 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Cathy |
Um, it might be fun if each store had a different theme, like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one. |
| 44890 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic. |
| 44891 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Cathy |
Well that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter. |
| 44892 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Oh, no, it does. It does. It has to be winter, and I reject it. So I drew up a design concept. Probably gonna be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you could laugh at it. |
| 44893 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Erin |
Yeah! |
| 44894 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Let me just get the projector working. |
| 44895 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Dwight |
Uh. |
| 44896 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Jim |
You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote. |
| 44897 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Dwight |
You didn't poison me, it's just stress. |
| 44898 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 44899 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Dwight |
What is the antidote? |
| 44900 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Jim |
True love's kiss. |
| 44901 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Nellie |
Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy. Just let go of his balloon. |
| 44902 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Dwight |
I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head. |
| 44903 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Packer |
I can do it. |
| 44904 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6687 |
Dwight |
Mmm! There we go. |
| 44905 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Dwight |
Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. What kind of poison did you use? |
| 44906 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Jim |
Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding. |
| 44907 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. Hold on. Hold on one second. Uh, quick question. Vice president, uh, who is that? There's no name listed. |
| 44908 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Nellie |
Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me. |
| 44909 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Emergency Operator |
Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance? |
| 44910 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6688 |
Dwight |
Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot. |
| 44911 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Packer |
I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time. |
| 44912 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Nellie |
Hunting's so primal. Almost sexual. |
| 44913 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Packer |
Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense. |
| 44914 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Dwight |
You talking about hunting? I love hunting. I'm a master hunter. |
| 44915 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Packer |
Did you say "masturbator?" |
| 44916 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Dwight |
I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter. |
| 44917 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Nellie |
Why are you sitting down like that? |
| 44918 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6689 |
Dwight |
Why is everyone else standing up? Okay team, let's get back to work! Break's over! |
| 44919 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Jim |
Wow. Are you that bored? |
| 44920 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Stanley |
It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate. |
| 44921 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Jim |
Is that another motto? |
| 44922 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Stanley |
It's whatever you want. |
| 44923 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Jim |
Mmm. |
| 44924 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Stanley |
Or do you only drink with your kids? |
| 44925 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6690 |
Jim |
Ah, let's do it. Oh, that's healthy. |
| 44926 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6691 |
Jim |
I've spent so much of my life telling myself "Please, don't end up like Stanley," and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes. |
| 44927 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Nellie |
We have the Sabre Pyramid, right? Hmm? We've got a bunch of humans. You guys, humans... pyramid. Human pyramid. Do you follow? It's a team-building exercise. You'll love it. Who's in? Hmm? |
| 44928 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Packer |
Yup. Tallahassee, let's go. |
| 44929 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Erin |
Jim, are you in? |
| 44930 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Jim |
Oh, I don't know. |
| 44931 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Stanley |
Sounds like a hoot. I'm in. |
| 44932 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Jim |
All right, what the heck? Let's do it. |
| 44933 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Packer |
This is great. This is gonna be great. |
| 44934 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Nellie |
I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt. |
| 44935 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Dwight |
I'll be on top. It's the most important position. |
| 44936 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Ryan |
Dude, I think you have appendicitis. |
| 44937 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Dwight |
Ahh! |
| 44938 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Ryan |
Dwight? |
| 44939 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Jim |
Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while? |
| 44940 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Dwight |
Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit! |
| 44941 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Packer |
Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen. |
| 44942 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Dwight |
Stop moving! |
| 44943 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Jim |
No one's moving! |
| 44944 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Dwight |
Oh! |
| 44945 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6692 |
Everyone |
Oh, oh! |
| 44946 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6693 |
Dwight |
Arrest Jim. He poisoned me. |
| 44947 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6693 |
Jim |
Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning. |
| 44948 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Jim |
The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty. |
| 44949 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Paramedic |
You need an operation. You have appendicitis. |
| 44950 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Ryan |
Oh! Who called it? Nothin' but net. |
| 44951 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Erin |
How long will he be gone? |
| 44952 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Paramedic |
Two or three days. |
| 44953 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Dwight |
Don't remember me like this. Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen. |
| 44954 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Packer |
Drama queen, am I right? |
| 44955 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Dwight |
Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up. |
| 44956 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6694 |
Packer |
That was an interesting diversion. Shall we get back to the meeting? |
| 44957 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Pam |
Whoa, are those mini pizzas? |
| 44958 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Andy |
Yeah, I figured we'd keep things savory while Oscar's mouth is in canker country. I also have some bacon-wrapped dates on deck. |
| 44959 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Kevin |
Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? Hey guys, look at me, I'm huge. |
| 44960 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Andy |
Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through. |
| 44961 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Darryl |
Oh yeah. |
| 44962 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Andy |
Up high. |
| 44963 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Darryl |
Yes sir. Thanks. |
| 44964 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Andy |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. I put out some new magazines, check it out. |
| 44965 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Creed |
Ah, Dwell. |
| 44966 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6695 |
Andy |
I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. Oh, there's the phone! |
| 44967 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Dwight |
I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in. |
| 44968 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Erin |
Well, we broke into groups and the groups are doing presentations later. |
| 44969 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Dwight |
Who's doing the presentations? |
| 44970 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Erin |
Packer's giving one. Jim'll probably give ours, I guess. |
| 44971 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 44972 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6696 |
Erin |
Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution. What else? My shoes are gonna- |
| 44973 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6697 |
Packer |
#NAME? |
| 44974 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6697 |
Nellie |
Very good point. |
| 44975 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6697 |
Dwight |
Yeah Todd, decent idea. Obvious, but interesting. |
| 44976 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6697 |
Nellie |
Dwight, are you all right? |
| 44977 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6697 |
Dwight |
I'm great. How are you? |
| 44978 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Dwight |
What's our presentation about? |
| 44979 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Jim |
Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours. |
| 44980 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Dwight |
I got the surgery, what else is there to do? |
| 44981 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Erin |
Do a hundred jumping jacks. |
| 44982 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Dwight |
No, I don't feel like it. You do a hundred jumping jacks. |
| 44983 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6698 |
Erin |
I don't feel like it either! |
| 44984 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6699 |
Erin |
Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine- |
| 44985 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Dwight |
I want that vice-presidency. |
| 44986 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Jim |
You haven't done any of the research. |
| 44987 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Dwight |
"You're too slow, you're too small, Seabiscuit is a stupid name." You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit. I'm going to do it. |
| 44988 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Stanley |
Aw, let him do it. |
| 44989 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Jim |
Stanley, are you listening to music? |
| 44990 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Stanley |
Yup. |
| 44991 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Dwight |
All right, who's ready for the next presentation? |
| 44992 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Nellie |
Ah, what is your topic? |
| 44993 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Dwight |
What is our topic? Oh, what a topic it is. |
| 44994 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Erin |
Retail consumer habits. |
| 44995 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6700 |
Dwight |
Really? Okay. Retail consumer habits is... The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do. Fast forward to today, and the retail consumer is independent, well-informed, super smart. Super smart. Okay. |
| 44996 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6701 |
Dwight |
Shopping habits are both seasonal and cyclical. What does this mean? |
| 44997 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6701 |
Ryan |
I can field this one. |
| 44998 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6701 |
Dwight |
No, sit down. "Seasonal." Well, the Christmas shopping season is certainly a busy one, back-to-school is, as well, and in early summer it seems to slow down a bit, but shopping is also cyclical. The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes. You see, during ovulation, a woman's only goal is to get pregnant, and during menses, she is sad that she has failed. And how does the woman console herself? Shopping. Shopping. Just- Jim, could you fetch me some ice chips? Thank you. Just gonna... take a... brief pause at this point. Thank you. Oh, God. Next slide. |
| 44999 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6702 |
Andy |
Mail call! His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt. |
| 45000 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6702 |
Kevin |
Are those the lyrics? |
| 45001 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions? |
| 45002 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Nellie |
What are the three pillars of retail? |
| 45003 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Erin |
Convenience. |
| 45004 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Ingredients. |
| 45005 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Erin |
Service. |
| 45006 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Burgers. |
| 45007 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Erin |
Building loyalty. |
| 45008 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters. |
| 45009 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Nellie |
Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight. |
| 45010 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim? |
| 45011 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Jim |
You are bleeding through your shirt. |
| 45012 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6703 |
Dwight |
Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face. Ah. |
| 45013 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Pam |
Hey, having fun? |
| 45014 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Andy |
Yes I am, as a matter of fact. |
| 45015 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Pam |
Well I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here? |
| 45016 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Andy |
I found my calling. |
| 45017 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Darryl |
Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog. |
| 45018 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Pam |
Guys, I don't like this analogy. |
| 45019 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Andy |
Ugh! Fine. Did you see this? |
| 45020 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Pam |
It's nice. |
| 45021 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6704 |
Andy |
I mean... |
| 45022 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
How are you feeling? |
| 45023 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle. |
| 45024 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
Can I see the wound? |
| 45025 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
Oh God. |
| 45026 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
Oh! That's disgusting. That's barely healed. |
| 45027 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
You're not paying me to heal, you're paying me to kick ass. |
| 45028 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet. |
| 45029 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
That's right. |
| 45030 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
That is amazing. Todd, look at that. |
| 45031 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Packer |
Oh, yikes. Incoming- |
| 45032 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
Ah! Not so fast. |
| 45033 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Nellie |
Would you come in early tomorrow so we can talk about the store over breakfast? I feel you have a lot to offer. |
| 45034 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Packer |
It would be an honor, ma'am. |
| 45035 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6705 |
Dwight |
I'll go ahead and cancel my post-op check-up right now. |
| 45036 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6706 |
Dwight |
I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix. |
| 45037 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6707 |
Andy |
Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew. |
| 45038 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6707 |
Donna Muraski |
Hi Andrew. What happened to Erin? |
| 45039 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6707 |
Andy |
Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks. |
| 45040 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6707 |
Donna Muraski |
Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Muraski misses her. |
| 45041 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6707 |
Andy |
I miss her too. |
| 45042 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Nellie |
Everyone, we have a very special guest. He turned an idea into a store, into hundreds of stores. I give you Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies. |
| 45043 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Wally Amos |
Aloha, aloha, aloha. So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos- |
| 45044 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Stanley |
What's under the cloth? |
| 45045 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Wally Amos |
We'll get to that. |
| 45046 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Packer |
Cookies. Bet you anything it's cookies. |
| 45047 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Wally Amos |
It's cookies. Let me- let me finish my speech first. |
| 45048 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Nellie |
Ah, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just, don't be coy, make with the cookies! |
| 45049 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Erin |
Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I- |
| 45050 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Wally Amos |
Is it oatmeal with no raisins? |
| 45051 |
8 |
15 |
Tallahassee |
6708 |
Erin |
I'm sorry to have wasted your time. |
| 45052 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6709 |
Pam |
Hey Angela, you wanna see a picture of Phillip wearing those little booties you got us? |
| 45053 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6709 |
Angela |
So cute. |
| 45054 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6709 |
Oscar |
Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do. |
| 45055 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6710 |
Pam |
Oscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby. |
| 45056 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6710 |
Angela |
News flash - If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid. |
| 45057 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6710 |
Pam |
Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course. |
| 45058 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6710 |
Angela |
That is where we disagree. |
| 45059 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6711 |
Oscar |
Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet? |
| 45060 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6711 |
Pam |
No, three-month-old humans don't do that. |
| 45061 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6711 |
Angela |
My Phillip is crawling. |
| 45062 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6712 |
Pam |
Angela is such a liar! |
| 45063 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6712 |
Oscar |
It's maddening! |
| 45064 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6713 |
Oscar |
Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long. |
| 45065 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6713 |
Pam |
Well count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two. That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide, I mean, you'll never sleep again. |
| 45066 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6714 |
Angela |
No one said "you must have two" |
| 45067 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6714 |
Oscar |
Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no. |
| 45068 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6714 |
Angela |
No thank you. |
| 45069 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6715 |
Andy |
Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has NO idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat...am i right? |
| 45070 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6716 |
Angela, Pam |
Unbelievable! |
| 45071 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6716 |
Oscar |
Un-be-liev-a-ble. |
| 45072 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Nellie |
It is the end of the day, it is the end of the week. We managed to fill 40 hours somehow. That's not bad, is it? |
| 45073 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Packer |
That's great. |
| 45074 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
Pretty good. |
| 45075 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Nellie |
Well thank you. This is very helpful feedback. Dwight, I am still not ready to name a VP. |
| 45076 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
That's not what I was going to ask. Gosh, jump to conclusions. Come on, I know, you've got so much on your plate. Right now, you're like 'oh, what's more important? Dwight's question, figure out who's the VP?' Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. |
| 45077 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Nellie |
I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more. |
| 45078 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running? Free them up to focus more completely on the menial. Like stacking or sorting, or- |
| 45079 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Jim |
Catching butterflies. |
| 45080 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
That's a hobby, unless it's for food. |
| 45081 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Jim |
Theater. |
| 45082 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
Waste of time. |
| 45083 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Jim |
Dragging. |
| 45084 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
That's just a verb. |
| 45085 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Jim |
Dragging sticks. |
| 45086 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Dwight |
Yes, nice, perfect. Dragging sticks. |
| 45087 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Nellie |
Alright, I'm gonna eliminate three people right now, okay? Just... you three, no. |
| 45088 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6717 |
Packer |
Not good enough (clicks tongue) |
| 45089 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6718 |
Dwight |
English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. You're crap. You're wonderful. They're mean, but they're incisive. |
| 45090 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Nellie |
Everyone meet in the hotel bar at 7:00. I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory, so let's just call it compulsory. |
| 45091 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Packer |
I'll be there at 6:00 |
| 45092 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Cathy |
Ugh, we're gonna have one of those crazy nights, aren't we? Maybe we'll see the real 'Talla-nasty' we've been hearing so much about. |
| 45093 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Jim |
'Talla-nasty', very clever. |
| 45094 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Cathy |
Thank you- |
| 45095 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6719 |
Gabe |
Wait, wait, you think she invented 'Talla-nasty?' no, no, no, no... |
| 45096 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6720 |
Jim |
Cathy? It's been great. Fun, normal. I thought I was gonna be hanging out with stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon. |
| 45097 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6720 |
Stanley |
My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail? . Maybe go out for a little dancing. Beautiful day, no? |
| 45098 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Andy |
Okay, everybody. 5:00. Workday is over. Put your pencils down. Aaannnnddd bring 'em back up, because now, the late night work jam begins! |
| 45099 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Pam |
Yes, the conference room is set up. I've got pens, I've got paper, I've got a whiteboard, we are good to go! |
| 45100 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Andy |
Say what? |
| 45101 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Pam |
We are good to goooo! |
| 45102 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Andy |
Say what? |
| 45103 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Pam |
We're good to goooo! |
| 45104 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Angela |
Stop it. |
| 45105 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Andy |
Say- |
| 45106 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Angela |
Stop it. |
| 45107 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6721 |
Oscar |
Andy. |
| 45108 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6722 |
Andy |
Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip. |
| 45109 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6722 |
Pam |
Yes, of course, we could've just been doing this the whole time, but SOMEONE dropped the ball. |
| 45110 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6722 |
Andy |
...ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor. |
| 45111 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Packer |
Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass. |
| 45112 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Nellie |
Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him. |
| 45113 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kill children ... What? it's true. He- He would- he would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages. (Jim taps Dwight on the shoulder) |
| 45114 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Packer |
Okay, drinking game. Count of three, take three sips. |
| 45115 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
That's a stupid game. I got a great drinking game. Okay, everyone empty your pockets. Whoever has the most seeds is the king. Whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback. |
| 45116 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Gabe |
What happens if you're the hunchback? |
| 45117 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
Oh, you get kicked. |
| 45118 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Jim |
How many buttons do you have? |
| 45119 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
(takes out bag) 40. Always. |
| 45120 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Cathy |
Can I see? |
| 45121 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
Sure. (Hands bag to Cathy) |
| 45122 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Cathy |
So, I get to kick you now. |
| 45123 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
No, they're not transferrable just 'cause I handed 'em to you. |
| 45124 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Cathy |
Well, that's how I played it in college. |
| 45125 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Jim |
College rules (Cathy throws Jim the bag and Jim kicks Dwight) |
| 45126 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Dwight |
Aah! |
| 45127 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Packer |
Aaaaand he host at his own lame game. |
| 45128 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Nellie |
Ooh, double meaning! The game was lame, and now he's lame from the kick. Quick wit. |
| 45129 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6723 |
Packer |
Thank you. |
| 45130 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Ryan |
I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please. |
| 45131 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Erin |
And I will have waffle with your mapliest syrup. |
| 45132 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Waitress |
Sorry, no waffles. |
| 45133 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Erin |
Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it. |
| 45134 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Ryan |
A waffle? |
| 45135 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Erin |
A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy? |
| 45136 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Ryan |
No. |
| 45137 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Erin |
I'm moving down here, you know. |
| 45138 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Ryan |
Oh, no, I didn't know. |
| 45139 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Erin |
I'm young, and I can ... and if I can't, I'm still pretty young. I guess I'll always be young. |
| 45140 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6724 |
Ryan |
You come with me. We're gonna get you that waffle. |
| 45141 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6725 |
Ryan |
Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying here in Florida if she didn't want me to make some last-ditch, nothing to lose, Kelly Ka-who run at her? (Erin walks over) Hey. |
| 45142 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6725 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 45143 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Pam |
Watson carpet and tile. |
| 45144 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Kevin |
One order. |
| 45145 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Oscar |
Order reference number 00983-126. |
| 45146 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Phyllis |
Eight Cases, bright white inkjet. |
| 45147 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Angela |
Paid. |
| 45148 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Kelly |
I'm dying! |
| 45149 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Darryl |
Processed. |
| 45150 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6726 |
Val |
And delivered. |
| 45151 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6727 |
Kelly |
Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sorta feel out what the situation calls for. |
| 45152 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Nellie |
I will be right back. |
| 45153 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Packer |
I will be here. |
| 45154 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Dwight |
Hey. I see what you're doing. It's futile. the VP position is mine. |
| 45155 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Packer |
Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle. |
| 45156 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Dwight |
Well, saddles... ... sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth. |
| 45157 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6728 |
Packer |
What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me. |
| 45158 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6729 |
Dwight |
If anyone's having s*x with Nellie for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all. If you don't tighten your saddle, you may fall off. |
| 45159 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Andy |
Who is ready for dinner? "oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid". No. I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves... A Jamaican feast, mon! |
| 45160 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Phyllis |
If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there. |
| 45161 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Andy |
Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf! |
| 45162 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Val |
Hey. |
| 45163 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
How you doing, Val? |
| 45164 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Oscar |
Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff. |
| 45165 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
Oh no, I'm not actually Jamaican. |
| 45166 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Oscar |
Terrific. |
| 45167 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Darryl |
What's up man? I'm Darryl. |
| 45168 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good? |
| 45169 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Darryl |
Oh yeah. |
| 45170 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
Must be doing real good since you're f***ing my girlfriend. |
| 45171 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Everyone |
Whoa. |
| 45172 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Kevin |
Dude, you didn't tell me you were f***ing Val. High five! |
| 45173 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Darryl |
I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend. |
| 45174 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Val |
Brandon, what the hell are you talking about? |
| 45175 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
Don't play dumb with me. I know what's up. |
| 45176 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Val |
Honey, I am not sleeping with- |
| 45177 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Andy |
Heyyy... let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops! |
| 45178 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Brandon |
Hope you all like goat. |
| 45179 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6730 |
Andy |
Goat... |
| 45180 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Nellie |
Blow in my ear. |
| 45181 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Packer |
Alright. |
| 45182 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Nellie |
Like I'm on the beach. |
| 45183 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Dwight |
Seagull. |
| 45184 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Nellie |
And a wave crashing... a wave crashing. |
| 45185 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Nellie |
Oh, that is lovely. |
| 45186 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6731 |
Jim |
Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening. |
| 45187 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Jim |
Hey, how's it going? |
| 45188 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Cathy |
Hey, uh, good. Uh, the heating system though in my room is all messed up. It's like 90 degrees in there. Maintenance is working on it. Can I hang out here? |
| 45189 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Jim |
Uh... yeah, I'm just watching basketball. |
| 45190 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Cathy |
Okay, yeah. |
| 45191 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 45192 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Cathy |
Cool... Is this March Madness? I love March Madness. |
| 45193 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Jim |
Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in... March. Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually, so... |
| 45194 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Cathy |
LeBron James. |
| 45195 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6732 |
Jim |
Yes, nice. Good word association |
| 45196 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6733 |
Nellie |
Impressive. |
| 45197 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6733 |
Dwight |
Oh please, anyone can tie a knot, the real skill is in untying it |
| 45198 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Andy |
Thornwood Wholesalers. |
| 45199 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Kevin |
One order. |
| 45200 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Brandon |
I read the text you sent to Val, man. |
| 45201 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Val |
That's messed up. |
| 45202 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Angela |
Is this spicy? |
| 45203 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Brandon |
No, baby girl. It would be messed up if I didn't find anything, but I did, so- |
| 45204 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Andy |
I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something. |
| 45205 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Brandon |
At midnight? |
| 45206 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Andy |
... yeah... |
| 45207 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Kevin |
It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery... |
| 45208 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Kelly |
Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here. |
| 45209 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 45210 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Kelly |
I thin we're gonna need to here those texts. |
| 45211 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Andy |
Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before? |
| 45212 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6734 |
Kelly |
No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts. |
| 45213 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
Yup, coming. All right. |
| 45214 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Stanley |
My mini bar is oddly out of rum. |
| 45215 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
We have plenty. |
| 45216 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Stanley |
Oh, hello. |
| 45217 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
Do you want to watch the game with us? We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game. |
| 45218 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Stanley |
Got it. Good night. Careful Jim, it gets easier and easier. |
| 45219 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
No, no, no, Stanley. |
| 45220 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Stanley |
mm-hmm. |
| 45221 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
Stanley. Stanley. |
| 45222 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Stanley |
uh-huh. |
| 45223 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6735 |
Jim |
Stanley. Uhh... you know what? Just bring back those bottles! |
| 45224 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
Whoa. the lights are still on. |
| 45225 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off. |
| 45226 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
I like how guys just know stuff all the time. |
| 45227 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me. |
| 45228 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
Hello, waffle iron. |
| 45229 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Hello, what do we have here? |
| 45230 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
Okay, so the recipe says we need a mixing bowl... |
| 45231 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Right. |
| 45232 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
... a measuring cup... |
| 45233 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Got that. Get down. |
| 45234 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Erin |
It's the fuzz! |
| 45235 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6736 |
Ryan |
Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please. |
| 45236 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
"I got too much ice cream. You want some?" "Getting' my fry on." |
| 45237 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Kelly |
Boring. |
| 45238 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
Uh, "The moon is huge tonight." |
| 45239 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Phyllis |
Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning. Yeah, sorry. |
| 45240 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
That's regular text talk. |
| 45241 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Brandon |
You forgot one. |
| 45242 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
"You're such a great friend." |
| 45243 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Brandon |
With the dots. |
| 45244 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
"You're such a great friend, dot dot dot dot dot." |
| 45245 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Kelly |
Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means "Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. |
| 45246 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Everyone |
Oh... |
| 45247 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Brandon |
See? Yes. Thank you, sister. |
| 45248 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Val |
Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right? |
| 45249 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6737 |
Darryl |
Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here. |
| 45250 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Nellie |
You look like Ed Harris if they stretched him a little bit. |
| 45251 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Dwight |
You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree? ...ahhmmm... excuse me... What?! Not now, I'm busy. |
| 45252 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know that I saw a bedbug in my room. But, never mind, sorry to interrupt. |
| 45253 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Dwight |
Wait wait wait wait, bedbugs? Oh no... Freak, I need a favor. |
| 45254 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Gabe |
Well, then you have to call me by my name. Gabriel Susan Lewis. |
| 45255 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Dwight |
I gotta be gone for a few minutes. You make sure that Packer does NOT sleep with Nellie. |
| 45256 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Gabe |
What's in it for GSL? |
| 45257 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Dwight |
You really want Packer as your boss? |
| 45258 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6738 |
Gabe |
Got it. |
| 45259 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6739 |
Dwight |
If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses. |
| 45260 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Where did you see it? |
| 45261 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
In the bed. |
| 45262 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Cathy |
I haven't seen anything. |
| 45263 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
We gotta find it before it eggs. |
| 45264 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Cathy |
Jeez... |
| 45265 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Describe it. |
| 45266 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Brown, shiny, painful bite. |
| 45267 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Could be a bat weevil... Describe its mood. Did it seen sleepy? |
| 45268 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Stressed, but to be fair, it was a tense situation. |
| 45269 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Fair enough, but after it bit you, did it run away fearful, or did it walk away smug, self-assured? |
| 45270 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
So smug. Like he thought it was funny, like this. |
| 45271 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Pshh. That's a bedbug. |
| 45272 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 45273 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Everything's a joke. |
| 45274 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
I know. |
| 45275 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Check your hair! |
| 45276 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Ow. |
| 45277 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
God, oh. So greasy, you should just shave all this. |
| 45278 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Just check it. |
| 45279 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
You are clean. Okay... One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide I am going to generate myself into a human trap. When I jump into the bed, you are going to cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing. |
| 45280 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 45281 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Cover me! |
| 45282 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Cathy |
Is this really nessecary? |
| 45283 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
He knows what he's doing. |
| 45284 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
Let the bedbugs bite! |
| 45285 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Cathy |
Ugh, god, I feel so gross. I have to go take a shower. |
| 45286 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Alright, then I will catch you later... What do we do now? |
| 45287 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Dwight |
We wait. Come to papa. |
| 45288 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6740 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 45289 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again. |
| 45290 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
Nope, I wasn't bitten. |
| 45291 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here. |
| 45292 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect. |
| 45293 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
Come on. |
| 45294 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
If there were any in here, They would've imbedded themselves in me. |
| 45295 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
You know what? Maybe they just ate. |
| 45296 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
No, you're good. Clean bill of health! Besides I gotta get back downstairs. I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long. |
| 45297 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
Okay, they're fine. They're adults. |
| 45298 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
No, that's the problem. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first. |
| 45299 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
Is that really how you want to get this job? |
| 45300 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Dwight |
Such a chorus girl. |
| 45301 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Jim |
Okay, Dwight... Dwight... Dwight, Dwight Dwight!... uh... |
| 45302 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6741 |
Cathy |
Is crazy gone? |
| 45303 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6742 |
Nellie |
Oh! |
| 45304 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6742 |
Gabe |
They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore! |
| 45305 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6742 |
Dwight |
Euughh... Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present... Hey. |
| 45306 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
Yeah, one death by chocolate, one bananas foster... Okay, cool. Thanks... I know, I'm a pig, right? |
| 45307 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Jim |
Hmm? No. |
| 45308 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
Wait, this why I exercise like a fiend. Feel. Seriously. |
| 45309 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Jim |
Okay alright. I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm-I'm married. I'm very happily married. |
| 45310 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
Oh my God, what are you thinking? |
| 45311 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Jim |
um... I mean- |
| 45312 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
I know that you're married, I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me? |
| 45313 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I'm-I'm I misread things. Okay, let's just go back to watching. |
| 45314 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
Can you... without running to the other side of the room all night? |
| 45315 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Jim |
Yes, I can. uh, all right. I'm really sorry. I think we'll just... we'll just watch. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower, I don't care. |
| 45316 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6743 |
Cathy |
Okay. I am so cold. |
| 45317 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Pam |
Hey, Darryl. You okay? |
| 45318 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Darryl |
She's got a boyfriend. |
| 45319 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Andy |
Play it cool, man. She'll come around. |
| 45320 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Pam |
No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there. |
| 45321 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Andy |
Yeah, but... My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool. |
| 45322 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6744 |
Pam |
My husband would tell you to go for it. |
| 45323 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 45324 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 45325 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 45326 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 45327 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Hey, this is fun. |
| 45328 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
A lot of fun. |
| 45329 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day. |
| 45330 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
You should move down here with me. |
| 45331 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Yeah? |
| 45332 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
We could be roommates. |
| 45333 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Really? |
| 45334 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl- |
| 45335 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 45336 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Erin |
Maybe in six months- |
| 45337 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6745 |
Ryan |
Six months?... um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly. |
| 45338 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts. |
| 45339 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
Okay... Seven, one, one, nine... |
| 45340 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
No, no, no, not numbers, no. |
| 45341 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
No, okay. |
| 45342 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 45343 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
Try again... Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one... is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'Cause please stop, okay? |
| 45344 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time. |
| 45345 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
Wait, the numbers! |
| 45346 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
Mm-hmm. |
| 45347 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
oh... |
| 45348 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
mm-hmm... |
| 45349 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
There you go. |
| 45350 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Nellie |
I will see you in seven- |
| 45351 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
Seven minutes. ... Nellie, wait. Let me write my room number on the card. . |
| 45352 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6746 |
Dwight |
Win at all costs, don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America, and before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past. |
| 45353 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Angela |
1434-967, paid. |
| 45354 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Darryl |
It has been processed. |
| 45355 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Val |
It has been delivered. |
| 45356 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Pam |
That's it, last one. |
| 45357 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Kelly |
Andy this has been an amazing night. Epic. |
| 45358 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Andy |
Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee... |
| 45359 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Phyllis |
No way. |
| 45360 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Andy |
I got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion... |
| 45361 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Val |
Hey. I just wanted to apologize. I mean, that was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again? |
| 45362 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Darryl |
Sure. |
| 45363 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Val |
Okay, thanks. |
| 45364 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6747 |
Darryl |
Hey, just so you know, me and you... I don't think that's ridiculous... Dot, dot, dot... dot, dot. |
| 45365 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
All right. Now I think it's time for you to go. |
| 45366 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Cathy |
What? Oh, Jim, I thought we talked about this. You're cool, right? |
| 45367 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
Cathy, go. |
| 45368 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Dwight |
Where's the bug? |
| 45369 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
Awesome. |
| 45370 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Dwight |
Stand back! |
| 45371 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Cathy |
Aah! Stop, it, oh my god! That burns! what is that?! |
| 45372 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Dwight |
It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off the maid's cart! |
| 45373 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
Right there! |
| 45374 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Cathy |
Oh stop it, stop it, stop it! |
| 45375 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
Oh, big one! Big one! Really big one! |
| 45376 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Cathy |
I can't breathe! |
| 45377 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Dwight |
I think I saw it! |
| 45378 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Cathy |
Stop it! |
| 45379 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Jim |
Nice job, I think you got 'em. |
| 45380 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6748 |
Dwight |
You can't stay here, this place is a biohazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy. |
| 45381 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Dwight |
Second best Bananas Foster I've ever had. |
| 45382 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Jim |
Oh yeah? What's the first best? |
| 45383 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Nellie |
Dwight? Hello? Dwight? |
| 45384 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Jim |
Is that Nellie? |
| 45385 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Dwight |
Don't let-shh! |
| 45386 |
8 |
16 |
After Hours |
6749 |
Nellie |
Are you in there? I can see the light on under your door. Hello? Oh, look at that. The light went off, just as I said the light went on. Hello? Dwight? Dwight. |
| 45387 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Dwight |
Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. Brr brr brr BRR and I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine. |
| 45388 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Ryan |
Are you holding this chair? |
| 45389 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 45390 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Ryan |
â˜cause I feel like I'm gonna fall off. |
| 45391 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Dwight |
Yes. Yes. |
| 45392 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Ryan |
I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. |
| 45393 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Dwight |
We went over this, ok? Your tiny fingers make the best knots. |
| 45394 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6750 |
Erin |
Hey Strangers. So stoked for the Sabre store opening. |
| 45395 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6751 |
Erin |
Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store so I can be first in line for the new Pyramid. Psst. It's me Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype, and it's working. There's already people camped out behind me. |
| 45396 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Nellie |
Test launch day, people. Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me to inspire you today. Now, I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. But here's the truth. I was born in the little working class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, I talked like this, which was bloody horrendous, innit? I came from dirt, no lower than ... what's lower than dirt? |
| 45397 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Loam, magma, mantle, outer core, inner core. |
| 45398 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Nellie |
Yeah, thank you. Loam. Bloody loam, I came from. I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls. I didn't even get a callback. |
| 45399 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Jim |
Which Spice Girl? |
| 45400 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Nellie |
The black one. I never stood a chance. |
| 45401 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 45402 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Nellie |
Now, think about my journey here today, and let it inspire your journey. |
| 45403 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Okay. Nellie, thank you. Thank you so much. |
| 45404 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Todd Packer |
Yep |
| 45405 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Today is press day and press is gonna make or break this store. And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing ⓠbloggers. Dossier on bloggers. Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're gonna love â˜em. Ryan is going to be the main event today. He is the pitchman who is going to give the feisty yet profound speech worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this? |
| 45406 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Ryan |
When people see this presentation, they're gonna in their pants. |
| 45407 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 45408 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Jim |
Come on, man. |
| 45409 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Cathy |
Seriously disgusting. |
| 45410 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers. |
| 45411 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Cathy |
Ugh. Kill me. That was my idea. |
| 45412 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6752 |
Dwight |
Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid. |
| 45413 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6753 |
Todd Packer |
Uh... |
| 45414 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6753 |
Nellie |
Uh... that is excellent. |
| 45415 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6753 |
Todd Packer |
I don't see what that gets us, but I'm a team player. |
| 45416 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6753 |
Dwight |
Perfect casting, right? |
| 45417 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6754 |
Todd Packer |
Schrute's out to get me. But I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator. |
| 45418 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6755 |
Nellie |
I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm as if, at the end of E.T., candy poured out of the screen. Do you understand? I wanna get goose pimples. |
| 45419 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6755 |
Dwight |
Speaking of pimples, let's release the BLOGGERS! |
| 45420 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
Morning, everyone. |
| 45421 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kevin |
Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning? |
| 45422 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
Don't care. Tell me later. |
| 45423 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kevin |
Listen, it's important. You've gotta hear this. |
| 45424 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
What do you got? |
| 45425 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kelly |
Oh, my god! |
| 45426 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Phyllis |
Do you have a black eye? |
| 45427 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
Yes, I do. Phyllis. |
| 45428 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kevin |
I woke up at 4 am by accident in time for the paper to be delivered. Guess what? |
| 45429 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
What? |
| 45430 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kevin |
It's not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car. |
| 45431 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Darryl |
Andy, who punched you? |
| 45432 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Meredith |
Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office? |
| 45433 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Angela |
Black eye, Meredith. |
| 45434 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kelly |
Will someone please explain what's going on here? Since the interesting thing happened til now, so much time has passed, it's like my life is buffering. |
| 45435 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day. And there was a gang in the parking lot on bikes, on, on motorcycles. And they were just hassling Pam... |
| 45436 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Pam |
That's true. |
| 45437 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
They had, uh... weapons. |
| 45438 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Pam |
Weapons. |
| 45439 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
I just stepped in to talk some sense into them. |
| 45440 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Pam |
But these were not the kind of people who use their words. |
| 45441 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
Punches were going, and I ducked a few, landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. It was totally, like, like, senseless crime. |
| 45442 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Pam |
Thank goodness he was there. |
| 45443 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Oscar |
Good job Andy. |
| 45444 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Kevin |
Yeah |
| 45445 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6756 |
Andy |
I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done. |
| 45446 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Dwight |
Open the gates! There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. There's plenty for everyone! |
| 45447 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Man |
Quit it. |
| 45448 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Dwight |
There's plenty. Don't stampede. No need to stampede, sir. |
| 45449 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Erin |
I was ahead of you! |
| 45450 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Dwight |
Okay, okay. Hey, hey. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. There's plenty of Pyramids. |
| 45451 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6757 |
Erin |
Come on. I was in line before you. |
| 45452 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6758 |
Cathy |
So you're a blogger right? |
| 45453 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6758 |
Blogger |
Yeah. Blogger. |
| 45454 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6758 |
Cathy |
God, stay away. Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. I'm trying to be a good girl for once. |
| 45455 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6759 |
Erin |
Uh yeah. I already bought my Pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. I haven't had so much fun since seeing... zoo-Ey Desh-channel at the Couch-arilla music festival. So fun. |
| 45456 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Oscar |
How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now! |
| 45457 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
No. |
| 45458 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 45459 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to call the police. They'll just ask everybody questions, get up in everyone's business, right, Pam? |
| 45460 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Pam |
Police are a hassle. We settled this on the street. |
| 45461 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
And my eye will heal. But if the police come, then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area. |
| 45462 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Angela |
Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood? |
| 45463 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
Because I have neighborhood Pride. 1-8-5-0-5. |
| 45464 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Pam |
1-8-5-0-5. |
| 45465 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Darryl |
Guys, guys. That's so vague. You gotta do the zip plus four. 1-8-5-0-5 dash 7-4-2-7. |
| 45466 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Phyllis |
Look, I don't feel safe. I think we should call the police. |
| 45467 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 45468 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
Exactly. We need to feel safe, which is why... Toby is giving us self defense training. |
| 45469 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Toby |
Me? |
| 45470 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
Right Toby? Will you teach us self defense? |
| 45471 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Toby |
Yeah, um... I can't believe you remembered. I do self-defense. Um, I'll go put on my cup. |
| 45472 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6760 |
Andy |
Great. |
| 45473 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Nellie |
Yes! |
| 45474 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Blogger |
Okay. |
| 45475 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Nellie |
I wasn't really sure which one of you is Chuck. |
| 45476 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Jim |
Yeah, no, it seems to be going great. Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl? |
| 45477 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Blogger |
Look at that guy. He's got his Sabre phone on, and he's not even using it. |
| 45478 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Blogger 2 |
This is a perfect photo for my Daily Fail blog. |
| 45479 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Jim |
Uh, I - I gotta go. Okay. |
| 45480 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Nellie |
Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad. |
| 45481 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6761 |
Dwight |
Oh, no, no, no. It's good. It's really -- on the Internet, it's a really -- that's a really good, good, thing. |
| 45482 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6762 |
Dwight |
Are you trying to sabotage this entire event? |
| 45483 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6762 |
Jim |
I'm very sorry. |
| 45484 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6762 |
Nellie |
We gave you an Arrowhead for free for the day. How hard would it have been to do this, hmmm? "Hello. Hi sweetie. It's Jim. I'm calling you from the new Arrowhead, which is why my voice is crystal clear. And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape." |
| 45485 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6762 |
Jim |
I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do, maybe pretend to be Chuck? |
| 45486 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6762 |
Dwight |
You could have pretended to be Chuck. I begged you to pretend to be Chuck, but you chose to be yourself, and you can no longer be Chuck!  Surrender the tripack. You know what you have to do. |
| 45487 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6763 |
Dwight |
Point it towards the store, idiot! |
| 45488 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6764 |
Dwight |
You know what I mean? One of these buttons is -- damn it. Take over. |
| 45489 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6765 |
Dwight |
Oh hey, Hey, hey, you guys, you must be lost. Listen. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. Okay. So long. Here we go. Erin! Psst! Come on! The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here! |
| 45490 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6765 |
Erin |
We are closed! Come on. |
| 45491 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? This is about escaping with your life. So... strike, scream, and run. All right? Let's try it. |
| 45492 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Meredith |
Ow. |
| 45493 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
That may have been my fault. |
| 45494 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Meredith |
What the hell, Toby? |
| 45495 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, you're not gonna have to time to think, okay? So just remember, I-A-A-T-G. "It's all about the groin." |
| 45496 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Andy |
What if you're being attacked by a ... smallish man who happens to not have a groin? |
| 45497 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
I don't think that's very common. |
| 45498 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Andy |
What if you're being attacked by a 4'11" man who is penisless? |
| 45499 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Oscar |
Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker? |
| 45500 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Andy |
Why don't we start with the basics? Show us how to defend ourselves against a baby, and then like, a fifth grade girl, and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man. |
| 45501 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
Well, the most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female. |
| 45502 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Andy |
So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker-punches the attacker in the face? What can the attacker then do to better protect himself? |
| 45503 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker.  You would like the turn of the table. Okay, the latest Chad Flenderman novel... written from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu. |
| 45504 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Angela |
Can I please leave? I have a rape flute. |
| 45505 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Toby |
All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? Okay, so... you're being attacked. You've got your hands up. Simple palm strike to the chin. Up to the chin. One, two. |
| 45506 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Everyone |
One, two. |
| 45507 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6766 |
Andy |
Take that, kid. |
| 45508 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6767 |
Dwight |
Cathy, I would like to introduce you to Fatty Gruesome. He is a freelancer for Wired magazine. |
| 45509 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6767 |
Lady Blogger |
Patty Grossman. I'm a woman. |
| 45510 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6767 |
Dwight |
But you still work for Wired, right? |
| 45511 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6767 |
Patty |
Yes. |
| 45512 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6767 |
Dwight |
Good! Okay. Flirt away. |
| 45513 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
Sabre. It's time to come home. |
| 45514 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think ...it seemed like you were a little nervous. |
| 45515 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
Yeah, no , Sherlock! Can somebody please tell me something encouraging about this presentation before I go out there in front of a million people and do it? |
| 45516 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
Okay. I know, I know, champ. Calm down, just listen. |
| 45517 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
You know what? |
| 45518 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
You just need to realize that so much rides on this. You have no idea. |
| 45519 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Jim |
Dwight. |
| 45520 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
I'm trying to make him feel important. |
| 45521 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
God. I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say. |
| 45522 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
Um... Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg and those Google guys all combined. Hee hee hee. |
| 45523 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
You're so ignorant. You barely know what you're talking about. That is so ridiculous. You really need to read a couple books. |
| 45524 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
What's a book? |
| 45525 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
On my God. You're so embarrassing.  My mom would say the best stuff, though. |
| 45526 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Jim |
You can... You can do it Ryan. |
| 45527 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
And you know that I'm capable of this. |
| 45528 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Jim |
You're the only one who can do it, s-sweetie. |
| 45529 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
What did you think of the presentation? |
| 45530 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Jim |
I thought it was great, sweetie. I would just fix that one -- |
| 45531 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
Oh! "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! I need something to drink! |
| 45532 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
Jim, get him a water. |
| 45533 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Ryan |
No, not a water. A sports drink. I hate everything in that fridge. Not red! Get me something yellow or green from a nearby store. Not red! |
| 45534 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6768 |
Dwight |
Why are you just standing there? Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink! |
| 45535 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Toby |
Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dead right away and just make it known that you're alive. |
| 45536 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Lady |
Forgive me for interrupting. I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice? |
| 45537 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Andy |
I think you guys might have the wrong Office. |
| 45538 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Girl |
That's him... the guy I hit. |
| 45539 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Darryl |
What? |
| 45540 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Oscar |
You've gotta be kidding me. |
| 45541 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Kevin |
Poor Andy! First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass? |
| 45542 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Oscar |
No, Kevin -- |
| 45543 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Lady |
What about the lady you hit with the pine cone? |
| 45544 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Girl |
There. That chubby one. |
| 45545 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Pam |
I just had a baby. |
| 45546 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Girl |
Yesterday? |
| 45547 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 45548 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Lady |
Apologize. |
| 45549 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Girl |
Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your "thin" girlfriend. |
| 45550 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Pam |
How â˜bout we wait til next year after you have your kid? |
| 45551 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Lady |
You know what? Tiffy's going to college. |
| 45552 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Andy |
Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day. |
| 45553 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Lady |
God bless. Friend of mine uses your paper. You do good work. Bye bye. |
| 45554 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Kevin |
Bye. |
| 45555 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Kelly |
So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar -- "How to protect ourselves against tiny little girls." |
| 45556 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Toby |
There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. My ex-wife used to demolish me. |
| 45557 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Kelly |
No, there is shame in it, okay? We have to draw the line somewhere. |
| 45558 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Darryl |
Oh my God, I think I see the imprint of a ring pop. |
| 45559 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6769 |
Andy |
Oh... |
| 45560 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6770 |
Dwight |
Have you seen Erin? |
| 45561 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6770 |
Stanley |
I'm on break. |
| 45562 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6770 |
Dwight |
Oh God...  Hey no! Where do you think you're going? You've gotta stay for the big presentation we've got this young wiz kid -- Ryan. He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates. |
| 45563 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6770 |
Blogger |
When's the presentation? |
| 45564 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6770 |
Dwight |
It's moments away. Just stay here! |
| 45565 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6771 |
Ryan |
Hey Uncle Lucas, it's your nephew Ryan. Honestly, I could use a prescription for ritalin right now. Well, I know you did one for Aunt Carol. Oh, so it's different because it's your wife?  Well, that doesn't make any sense to me. |
| 45566 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6771 |
Nellie |
How you doing? |
| 45567 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6771 |
Ryan |
Don't talk to me right now. I'm sorry. I- I know you're my boss, but seriously, you need to get the hell out of my face. What I don't understand is... |
| 45568 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6771 |
Nellie |
Your little man is unraveling. Now go and fix it. |
| 45569 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Erin |
Sorry about kicking you out. It's just, we don't want our brand associated with death. |
| 45570 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Old Lady |
It's okay. I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men. |
| 45571 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Erin |
You're not married yet? |
| 45572 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Old Lady |
Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. He passed away. |
| 45573 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Erin |
My best friend was my boss, Andy. We dated for a while, but since then, he rejected me, and we're not really friends. |
| 45574 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Old Lady |
Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? Forget him! |
| 45575 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Erin |
Yeah! Forget him! And you should forget your husband. |
| 45576 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6772 |
Old Lady |
Well... |
| 45577 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
How long has he been in the bathroom? |
| 45578 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
About ten minutes. |
| 45579 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Jeez! What's he doing in there? |
| 45580 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
Oops, that's my phone. Am I allowed to answer it or are you gonna freak out? |
| 45581 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Are there any bloggers around? |
| 45582 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
It's Ryan. "I'm sorry. I lied. I'm not in the bathroom. I can't do it. I need to see my mom. I'm going home." |
| 45583 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Nellie |
What is the delay here? Where's Ryan? Why is he not here? |
| 45584 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
I had to send him home. As brilliant and creative as he is, he is nothing... compared to this guy! |
| 45585 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
Uh... |
| 45586 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Nellie |
What? |
| 45587 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
That's right. Will you just give us a second? |
| 45588 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Nellie |
You are gonna bloody ruin it. You're gonna bloody ruin it because you're a no-good half-assed cock-eyed... |
| 45589 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
okay. |
| 45590 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Nellie |
That's.... |
| 45591 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Jim -- |
| 45592 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
I'm not doing the Presentation. |
| 45593 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Look at me. Look at me! Look... at... this... face. This is not the face of a performer. This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die. I'm telling you... if you don't do this, I don't stand a chance. Please, Jim. |
| 45594 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
Okay, I'll do it. |
| 45595 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Oh, my God. O... Kay! Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes. |
| 45596 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Jim |
A costume? |
| 45597 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6773 |
Dwight |
Of course there's a costume!  Oh, this is gonna be great. There's nothing like some last-minutes changes to really energize a presentation. |
| 45598 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6774 |
Dwight |
Did you pass out in there? What is taking so long? |
| 45599 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6774 |
Jim |
I've been in here for 20 seconds. |
| 45600 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6774 |
Dwight |
Hurry up. Let me in. I wanna watch you get dressed. Did you find the eyeliner? |
| 45601 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6774 |
Jim |
I'm not wearing eyeliner. |
| 45602 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6774 |
Dwight |
You are wearing eyeliner, Jim. |
| 45603 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
Time. Space. Gender. There are no rules anymore. All boundaries are breaking down in the wake of the infinite future. The only thing that -- the only thing that remain -- the only thing that remains are the things that have stood the test of time -- love, values, and of course, the pyramids -- the strongest shape ever constructed, a shape that fits all other shapes inside of it. No, that's -- |
| 45604 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Dwight |
It's true. |
| 45605 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
This... is the future, because... This is the past. I've been through a lot of issues in my life. I've seen drug addiction -- unemployment. I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart, without ever being able to accept that love drove the pain. |
| 45606 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Dwight |
Yep. |
| 45607 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
When I was ten years old, my parents took me to Disney world. I cried the whole time. I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me.  I just wanted... to go home.  This is what the Pyramid will do for you. It is the bridge to the world. It has a usb port. Wireless... will be available in 2013.  You can play Anything from Chuck to Cars 2. With the Pyramid, you have the connection to everything -- in time... and space. |
| 45608 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Crowd |
ahhhhhh |
| 45609 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Dwight |
Psst. |
| 45610 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 45611 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Ryan |
Sabre... It's time... to come home. |
| 45612 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
All right.  Thank you so much. Wow. Wow! And good night! |
| 45613 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6775 |
Jim |
Yeah.  Thank you. Thank you. |
| 45614 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
Okay, this isn't over. Let's stay focused, okay?  We made fun of Andy earlier for getting beat up by a little girl, but... little things can be dangerous. |
| 45615 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kevin |
Whether it's a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace, or a tub of electricity. |
| 45616 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
Okay. Good point... |
| 45617 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Angela |
Good point? What is a tub of electricity? |
| 45618 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
I don't... I don't... |
| 45619 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Oscar |
With all due respect we know what we're defending against: a twelve year old female bully. |
| 45620 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kelly |
I was a twelve year old bully. |
| 45621 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Angela |
Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby. |
| 45622 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Others |
Yeah. |
| 45623 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kelly |
Yeah, that's not a bad idea, actually, because I have had a lot of pent up aggression. |
| 45624 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Angela |
Thanks. |
| 45625 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kelly |
Good. Let's go. |
| 45626 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
I don't know if this is gonna help...Uh... |
| 45627 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Angela |
Let's go Kelly. |
| 45628 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
We should stay to maybe some more traditional models... |
| 45629 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kelly |
You think you're so pretty!  Well you're not gonna be so pretty come Prom time! |
| 45630 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
Okay, this is what's called pre-violent posturing. |
| 45631 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Kelly |
Take that!  Not so pre-violent anymore! |
| 45632 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Toby |
Okay, I'm at what's called "the decision point." |
| 45633 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Andy |
Hey, hey, hey. Kelly Kelly, Kelly... come on.... Ow! God! My good eye! |
| 45634 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Pam |
Oh boy. Oh no, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at, um, something that Cece did on the playground earlier -- yesterday. This morning. |
| 45635 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6776 |
Andy |
You know why I got hit by girls? Because I stood up for others. Pam and for Toby.  I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. You may wanna ask yourselves, "Where were you when the girls came?" |
| 45636 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6777 |
Andy |
Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of pain killers, drank a half a bottle of wine, took my pants off.  I just feel good! |
| 45637 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Dwight |
Okay, okay, I will be the first to admit it.  We could have integrated more Chuck into the Presentation. |
| 45638 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Nellie |
Dwight.  You're the vice president. |
| 45639 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Dwight |
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Yeah! |
| 45640 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Dwight |
Okay! Come on! |
| 45641 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Nellie |
aagh! |
| 45642 |
8 |
17 |
Test The Store |
6778 |
Dwight |
Hah! Yah! Boom! |
| 45643 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Andy |
Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us. |
| 45644 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Everyone |
What?! Why is that? |
| 45645 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Andy |
He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever. |
| 45646 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Angela |
So, he's alive. |
| 45647 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Andy |
Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful. |
| 45648 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Angela |
Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead. |
| 45649 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Andy |
How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place. |
| 45650 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Phyllis |
If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure? |
| 45651 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6779 |
Oscar |
You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure. |
| 45652 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6780 |
Oscar |
When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride. |
| 45653 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6781 |
Andy |
I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure. |
| 45654 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6781 |
Oscar |
I am dying to know what's in there. |
| 45655 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6781 |
Andy |
Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. |
| 45656 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6781 |
Creed |
Hi, hello. |
| 45657 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6782 |
Andy |
Now, carefully... open the box. |
| 45658 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6782 |
Creed |
It's a photo of all of us. |
| 45659 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6782 |
Pam |
Aw, that's so sweet! |
| 45660 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6783 |
Dwight |
A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow! |
| 45661 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Dwight |
Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da! |
| 45662 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Nellie |
Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP. |
| 45663 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Robert California |
I am loving the chemistry between you two. |
| 45664 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Nellie |
I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George. |
| 45665 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Robert California |
I bet. I'm excited. |
| 45666 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Nellie |
Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo. |
| 45667 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Dwight |
Ah! |
| 45668 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Nellie |
I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either. |
| 45669 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Dwight |
You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples. |
| 45670 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Jim |
Oh, that reminds me. Little something from all of us. |
| 45671 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Dwight |
Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. Four! Oh yeah! |
| 45672 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Nellie |
He doesn't even care. |
| 45673 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6784 |
Dwight |
Don't even care! |
| 45674 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6785 |
Jim |
This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah. |
| 45675 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year? |
| 45676 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Andy |
Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice. |
| 45677 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
I'll put you down for shortbreads. |
| 45678 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Andy |
Damn it. |
| 45679 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Toby |
Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some? |
| 45680 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
No. No. |
| 45681 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Toby |
What? |
| 45682 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
I been selling here for five years. This is my spot. |
| 45683 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Toby |
You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? Or chess club, or? |
| 45684 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting. |
| 45685 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Toby |
That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl. |
| 45686 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6786 |
Darryl |
OK, great. |
| 45687 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6787 |
Darryl |
All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin. |
| 45688 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6788 |
Erin |
Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo. |
| 45689 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6788 |
Elderly Woman |
Oh, here let me help. |
| 45690 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6788 |
Erin |
I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred. |
| 45691 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6789 |
Erin |
Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me. |
| 45692 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6790 |
Irene |
When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all. |
| 45693 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6790 |
Erin |
Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida. |
| 45694 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6790 |
Irene |
Thank you. Oh, what kind of tea is this? |
| 45695 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6790 |
Erin |
Oh, I boiled some Gatorade. |
| 45696 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6791 |
Nellie |
Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias. |
| 45697 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6791 |
Robert California |
If I may, try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here. |
| 45698 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6791 |
Nellie |
Oh. |
| 45699 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6791 |
Robert California |
That's right. Your little finger. |
| 45700 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6792 |
Darryl |
Would you like to buy some cookies? |
| 45701 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6792 |
Kevin |
Cookies, eh? |
| 45702 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6793 |
Kevin |
Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth. |
| 45703 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Darryl |
It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev. |
| 45704 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
I know. But sometimes you still get a little something. |
| 45705 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Toby |
Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin. |
| 45706 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Darryl |
You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport. |
| 45707 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Toby |
No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me? |
| 45708 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
I do. |
| 45709 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Toby |
See? |
| 45710 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Darryl |
That doesn't mean anything. Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me? |
| 45711 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
Oh, I definitely do. |
| 45712 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Darryl |
Huh. Hit the road, jack. |
| 45713 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Toby |
No, you hit the road, jack. |
| 45714 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me. |
| 45715 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Toby |
You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair. |
| 45716 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed. |
| 45717 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 45718 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6794 |
Kevin |
Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar. |
| 45719 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6795 |
Nellie |
Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked. |
| 45720 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6795 |
Jim |
All right. So... I guess this is it. |
| 45721 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6795 |
Dwight |
Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But... bye, bye. I win. |
| 45722 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6795 |
Jim |
Goodbye, Dwight. |
| 45723 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6795 |
Dwight |
Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo! |
| 45724 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Jim |
Well, he's Florida's problem now. |
| 45725 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day. |
| 45726 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Jim |
What's that? |
| 45727 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board. |
| 45728 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Jim |
I thought you liked the store? |
| 45729 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers. |
| 45730 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 45731 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us. |
| 45732 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Jim |
Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible. |
| 45733 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight. |
| 45734 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Dwight |
Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it! |
| 45735 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6796 |
Robert California |
Bravo, Dwight! Very good! Shame. |
| 45736 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre to the power of two. |
| 45737 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Nellie |
How did that look? |
| 45738 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Gabe |
I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen. |
| 45739 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
I told you. |
| 45740 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Todd Packer |
When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. You'd spin off right. I'd spin off- |
| 45741 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper. |
| 45742 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Jim |
All right. There he is. |
| 45743 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you? |
| 45744 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Jim |
Can I just talk to you for one quick second? |
| 45745 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'? |
| 45746 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Jim |
Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should- |
| 45747 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell. |
| 45748 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Todd Packer |
Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy? |
| 45749 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
Silence. |
| 45750 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Todd Packer |
Aw, I'm just trying to- |
| 45751 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. But your face does look like the guy from Operation. |
| 45752 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Todd Packer |
That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made. |
| 45753 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
Different guy. |
| 45754 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Jim |
You know, I just think you should know that- |
| 45755 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6797 |
Dwight |
That you look like the world's tallest hobbit. |
| 45756 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6798 |
Jim |
Well, I tried. You saw it, so, it's on the record. I have a plane to catch. |
| 45757 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Erin |
Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy. |
| 45758 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Irene |
Just open the program and type in his user name. |
| 45759 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Erin |
Can you just do it? |
| 45760 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Irene |
Here, type in your password. |
| 45761 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Erin |
'Erin123' |
| 45762 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Irene |
That's a terrible password. And you don't 'make a video chat', you video chat. |
| 45763 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Erin |
All right. |
| 45764 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Andy |
Hello? |
| 45765 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Erin |
That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop. Oh. I fixed it. |
| 45766 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6799 |
Andy |
Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. Oh, there we go. |
| 45767 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Pam |
He said, 'I did like Dwight'? He's gonna fire him. |
| 45768 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Jim |
No, no, I think it was more like, 'you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him'. |
| 45769 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Pam |
Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this. |
| 45770 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Jim |
I tried. He will not listen. |
| 45771 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Pam |
Did you actually try your hardest? |
| 45772 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Jim |
Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up. |
| 45773 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Stanley |
Don't talk to me. |
| 45774 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Jim |
Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up. |
| 45775 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Pam |
If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That's all you can do. |
| 45776 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6800 |
Jim |
OK. All right. |
| 45777 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Darryl |
What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago. |
| 45778 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 45779 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Kevin |
That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model. |
| 45780 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 45781 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Toby |
I'm, I'm not gonna comment on my personal life. |
| 45782 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Darryl |
Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my chubby daughter? |
| 45783 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6801 |
Phyllis |
Oh. |
| 45784 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6802 |
Darryl |
Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun. |
| 45785 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6803 |
Kelly |
Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things. |
| 45786 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6803 |
Pam |
Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes. |
| 45787 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6803 |
Phyllis |
Make them kiss each other. |
| 45788 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6803 |
Meredith |
Make them kiss me. |
| 45789 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Erin |
Yes, this is too tan. This right here- |
| 45790 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Andy |
No. |
| 45791 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Erin |
This is a tanned spot. |
| 45792 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Andy |
I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you. |
| 45793 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Erin |
Well, Andy, I'm not coming back. |
| 45794 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Andy |
What? |
| 45795 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Erin |
I have a job here. I work for an old lady. |
| 45796 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Irene |
Hello! |
| 45797 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Erin |
Andy? |
| 45798 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6804 |
Andy |
Yeah, that's awesome. That's great. |
| 45799 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Kevin |
This is tough. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me. |
| 45800 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Darryl |
No, no, no, no. It's not worth it. |
| 45801 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Toby |
No. |
| 45802 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Kevin |
No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year. |
| 45803 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Darryl |
Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes? |
| 45804 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Kevin |
Hungrier. |
| 45805 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Toby |
50? |
| 45806 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Kevin |
Hungrier. |
| 45807 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Darryl |
You're not talking... triple digits? |
| 45808 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6805 |
Kevin |
Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. Again. |
| 45809 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Showtime. |
| 45810 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Dwight. |
| 45811 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick. |
| 45812 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please? |
| 45813 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money? |
| 45814 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store. |
| 45815 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Jim, come on. |
| 45816 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Dwight, he's gonna kill the store. |
| 45817 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. |
| 45818 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fire you for it. |
| 45819 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Wait. He's gonna kill the store? And he's gonna fire me? |
| 45820 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 45821 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
That's two things. |
| 45822 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Dwight, please. |
| 45823 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today. |
| 45824 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so- |
| 45825 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye. |
| 45826 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Jim |
Dwight, come o- |
| 45827 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6806 |
Dwight |
Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah! |
| 45828 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
Help! Help! |
| 45829 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva? |
| 45830 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest. |
| 45831 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
Gross! |
| 45832 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
Ah! |
| 45833 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
What? What, what, what, what, what? |
| 45834 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
Oh, god! You... oh! My appendix- |
| 45835 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
I'm sorry. |
| 45836 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
My wound hasn't healed yet. |
| 45837 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
I'm so sorry, I forgot. |
| 45838 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
Oh, man! |
| 45839 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Jim |
You all right? You ok? |
| 45840 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6807 |
Dwight |
Rrrah! |
| 45841 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6808 |
Nellie |
Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him. |
| 45842 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6808 |
Cathy |
I don't know. He's not picking up. |
| 45843 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6808 |
Todd Packer |
Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man. |
| 45844 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6808 |
Nellie |
Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer. |
| 45845 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6808 |
Todd Packer |
Sup? |
| 45846 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Phyllis |
What are you doing? |
| 45847 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Andy |
I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone. |
| 45848 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Oscar |
We knew. Ryan told us. |
| 45849 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Andy |
Ryan, why didn't you tell me? |
| 45850 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Ryan |
Thought you checker my Tumblr? |
| 45851 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Andy |
You never update it. |
| 45852 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Ryan |
Well, I updated it. |
| 45853 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Andy |
Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist? |
| 45854 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6809 |
Pam |
We'll find another receptionist. I mean, that's easy. We'll be fine. |
| 45855 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Dwight |
Huh, huh, huh! |
| 45856 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 45857 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Dwight |
I was trying to go- |
| 45858 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Jim |
Get up. |
| 45859 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Dwight |
Ok, ok. |
| 45860 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Jim |
Get up. All right? I'm not gonna let you by. |
| 45861 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Dwight |
Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you. |
| 45862 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Jim |
OK. What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn't work. |
| 45863 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6810 |
Dwight |
Jackie Chan! |
| 45864 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Kevin |
Go. |
| 45865 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Darryl |
Hi. This is Alex. |
| 45866 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Toby |
And this is Sam. |
| 45867 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Darryl |
Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us. |
| 45868 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Kevin |
Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day. |
| 45869 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Darryl |
I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens. |
| 45870 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Toby |
Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names. |
| 45871 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Kevin |
Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony? |
| 45872 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Toby |
Don't make me be your pony, Kevin. |
| 45873 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Darryl |
Forget it, man. |
| 45874 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Kevin |
What do you mean? |
| 45875 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6811 |
Darryl |
I'm out. And so is Toby. |
| 45876 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6812 |
Darryl |
This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child. |
| 45877 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6812 |
Toby |
Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey. |
| 45878 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6813 |
Kevin |
No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. That is... hmph... that's ah... so good. |
| 45879 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Jim |
What are you doing? No. No, no, no. |
| 45880 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Dwight |
This. Ends. Now. |
| 45881 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Jim |
This is dangerous. |
| 45882 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Dwight |
Rrahh! |
| 45883 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Jim |
Why? |
| 45884 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Dwight |
Anything else you need to talk about? |
| 45885 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6814 |
Jim |
Nope. I think that was it. |
| 45886 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6815 |
Dwight |
Once again, it's show time. |
| 45887 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Robert California |
What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution. |
| 45888 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Todd Packer |
If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute. |
| 45889 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Robert California |
I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible. |
| 45890 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Nellie |
Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes... but not the man. You may not cancel his soul. |
| 45891 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Robert California |
That was never on the table. |
| 45892 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Todd Packer |
Are you kidding? She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla! |
| 45893 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Robert California |
And yet Todd, it's you who's fired. |
| 45894 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6816 |
Todd Packer |
What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh? |
| 45895 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Darryl |
Hey, hey. They're back. |
| 45896 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Kelly |
Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida? |
| 45897 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Jim |
Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight? |
| 45898 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Kelly |
Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds. |
| 45899 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Phyllis |
Hey! Good to have you back. |
| 45900 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Stanley |
Good to be back. |
| 45901 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Pam |
Hey, stranger! |
| 45902 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 45903 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Pam |
Aw, I missed you. |
| 45904 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Jim |
I missed you. |
| 45905 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6817 |
Pam |
Aw. |
| 45906 |
8 |
18 |
Last Day In Florida |
6818 |
Andy |
I'm going to Florida to get Erin. Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer! |
| 45907 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6819 |
Pam |
This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling. |
| 45908 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6819 |
Kevin |
Nice. |
| 45909 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6820 |
Pam |
There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not -- it doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it. |
| 45910 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6821 |
Pam |
Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal. |
| 45911 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Jim |
Wow. It's the end of an era. |
| 45912 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Pam |
Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home. |
| 45913 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Oscar |
I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy. |
| 45914 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Kevin |
When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel. |
| 45915 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Ryan |
How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin? |
| 45916 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Kevin |
I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, "Look, a balloon." |
| 45917 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Dwight |
My warcraft clan was still on speaking terms. |
| 45918 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Meredith |
My kid didn't have a face tattoo. |
| 45919 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Darryl |
I was still thinking of going back to school. |
| 45920 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Jim |
And I was still just a paper salesman. |
| 45921 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6822 |
Dwight |
Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here. |
| 45922 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6823 |
All |
Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. |
| 45923 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Jim |
Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it? |
| 45924 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Kevin |
oooh |
| 45925 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Darryl |
Me. |
| 45926 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 45927 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Dwight |
Right here. |
| 45928 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Nellie |
Allow me to solve your problem, then. |
| 45929 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Jim |
Nellie |
| 45930 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Nellie |
Mmm. Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie? |
| 45931 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Jim |
What brings you to town? |
| 45932 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Nellie |
Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here. |
| 45933 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6824 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 45934 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6825 |
Dwight |
How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation. |
| 45935 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Toby |
Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome. I'm Tony. |
| 45936 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Nellie |
Mm. |
| 45937 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Pam |
What? |
| 45938 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Toby |
I- I said I'm Tony. Okay I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But uh, I'm Toby. |
| 45939 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Pam |
You messed up saying your name? |
| 45940 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Toby |
It happens, okay? Uh, so let's just find an empty desk for you, and uh, I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in. |
| 45941 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Nellie |
That one looks empty. |
| 45942 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Jim |
No, that's Andy's office. |
| 45943 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6826 |
Nellie |
Oh, is it? |
| 45944 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6827 |
Nellie |
I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a formula one car. The three slowest laps ever recorded. |
| 45945 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6828 |
Erin |
Another beautiful day in Tallahassee. Ooh. Good morning, Alonzo. |
| 45946 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6828 |
Alonzo |
Good morning Erin. |
| 45947 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6828 |
Erin |
How are you? How's your family doing? |
| 45948 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6828 |
Erin |
Bye. |
| 45949 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6829 |
Erin |
Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too because he ran out of money. Listen to me, bragging away. |
| 45950 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
Nellie. |
| 45951 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
Robert. |
| 45952 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far? |
| 45953 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
So far, so good. |
| 45954 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
Good. |
| 45955 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
Water pressure in the hotel is marvelous. |
| 45956 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it? |
| 45957 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
Mm-hm. |
| 45958 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
Now. Let's find you something fun to do here, shall we? |
| 45959 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove. |
| 45960 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Robert |
We have a manager. |
| 45961 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6830 |
Nellie |
Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap. |
| 45962 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Robert |
Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning? |
| 45963 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Kevin |
Huh. Yeah, that's weird. He's usually here by now. Right guys? |
| 45964 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Andy |
Hello. |
| 45965 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Robert |
Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work? |
| 45966 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Andy |
Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick. |
| 45967 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Robert |
I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately. |
| 45968 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6831 |
Andy |
Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the... |
| 45969 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6832 |
Andy |
...Florida Flu. |
| 45970 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6833 |
Robert |
He just hung up on me mid-sentence. |
| 45971 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6834 |
Andy |
I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP. |
| 45972 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6835 |
Robert |
Not much we can do about this until he gets here. |
| 45973 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6835 |
Jim |
Can't you do something about this? |
| 45974 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6835 |
Robert |
Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim. |
| 45975 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6835 |
Jim |
#NAME? |
| 45976 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6836 |
Jim |
What is going on? And where's Andy? And what is going on? |
| 45977 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Irene |
Erin, you got a package. |
| 45978 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Erin |
I'm in the bathroom. |
| 45979 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Glenn |
Where's the postage? I mean, there's no shipping label. |
| 45980 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Irene |
Did you wash your hands? |
| 45981 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 45982 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Andy |
Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours! |
| 45983 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6837 |
Erin |
Andy, what are you doing here? It's great to see you. |
| 45984 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Andy |
Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you. |
| 45985 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Irene |
Where's the ring? |
| 45986 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Andy |
Hm? |
| 45987 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Irene |
Where's the ring, Lancelot? |
| 45988 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Erin |
Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? Sorry, Glenn. |
| 45989 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Erin |
Um, Andy... I am so happy to see you. But I'm not coming back with you. |
| 45990 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Glenn |
Why won't she go with him? |
| 45991 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Irene |
I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome. |
| 45992 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6838 |
Erin |
Hey... don't listen. |
| 45993 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6839 |
Nellie |
So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo? |
| 45994 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6840 |
Jim |
I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name. |
| 45995 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6841 |
Nellie |
So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. But why, m'lady? Because I am your new manager. |
| 45996 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6841 |
Pam |
Robert, is Nellie our new manager? |
| 45997 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6841 |
Robert |
This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out. |
| 45998 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6842 |
Robert |
We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman? |
| 45999 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6843 |
Nellie |
I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way. |
| 46000 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6843 |
Kevin |
Hot tub party? |
| 46001 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6843 |
Nellie |
Performance reviews. |
| 46002 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6843 |
Pam |
How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us? |
| 46003 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6843 |
Nellie |
On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me. |
| 46004 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Glenn |
Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today. |
| 46005 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Erin |
Oh, thanks. I've been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's only going to keep getting better. |
| 46006 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Irene |
So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend? |
| 46007 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Andy |
Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know. |
| 46008 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Erin |
So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend. |
| 46009 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Irene |
I think you should leave, young man. |
| 46010 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Andy |
All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you. |
| 46011 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6844 |
Erin |
You didn't even stop to pee? Gross. |
| 46012 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6845 |
Jim |
Any luck? |
| 46013 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6845 |
Pam |
No. He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail. |
| 46014 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6845 |
Andy |
Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na- |
| 46015 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Erin |
Oh, you're doing so good. Oh my God, you're superman over there. |
| 46016 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Irene |
You should take it. It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are. |
| 46017 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger. |
| 46018 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Irene |
You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session. |
| 46019 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
I don't know. Just let it vibrate. It's fine. |
| 46020 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Irene |
You could put it on silent. |
| 46021 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
I don't think it does that. |
| 46022 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Irene |
Just go to preferences, then click ⓠ|
| 46023 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Glenn |
Proctology. |
| 46024 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Jim |
Andy? |
| 46025 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
Jim? |
| 46026 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Jim |
Andy, where are you? |
| 46027 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man. |
| 46028 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Irene |
He's here in Tallahassee, trying to turn my life upside down. |
| 46029 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Jim |
What? You're in Florida? Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job. |
| 46030 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
What do you mean, take my job? |
| 46031 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Jim |
Like, set up camp in your office and is calling herself the manager. |
| 46032 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6846 |
Andy |
Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later. |
| 46033 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6847 |
Jim |
Guys, we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? If we go into them, you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager, and trust me, you do not want her as your manager. |
| 46034 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6847 |
Angela |
Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work? |
| 46035 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6847 |
Pam |
I like working here. |
| 46036 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6847 |
Jim |
Dwight, should she be our manager? |
| 46037 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6847 |
Dwight |
I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm. |
| 46038 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6848 |
Dwight |
Those who can't farm, farm celery. |
| 46039 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Jim |
And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever? |
| 46040 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis. |
| 46041 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Phyllis |
Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable being evaluated by someone I don't know. |
| 46042 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight. |
| 46043 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever. |
| 46044 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise. |
| 46045 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 46046 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise? |
| 46047 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
There's no limit to what I think I deserve. |
| 46048 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
Then you accept it? |
| 46049 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
Five percent. No less. |
| 46050 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
Absolutely not. Seven percent. |
| 46051 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
Six percent, I know my worth. |
| 46052 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Jim |
The raise isn't real. |
| 46053 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Dwight |
Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard. |
| 46054 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Nellie |
So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it. |
| 46055 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Pam |
Phyllis. |
| 46056 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6849 |
Phyllis |
Pam. |
| 46057 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6850 |
Nellie |
So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you. |
| 46058 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6850 |
Phyllis |
Really? |
| 46059 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6850 |
Nellie |
Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive. |
| 46060 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Um... are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises? |
| 46061 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
I am not. Huh. |
| 46062 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis. |
| 46063 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown? |
| 46064 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not-- sorry. |
| 46065 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss. |
| 46066 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 46067 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor? |
| 46068 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Oh, god, nature, please. |
| 46069 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
When two animals are having s*x, one of them... |
| 46070 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
... is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor. |
| 46071 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Was that not the-- |
| 46072 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
All life is s*x. And all s*x is competition. |
| 46073 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Mm-hm. |
| 46074 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it? |
| 46075 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
Was that it? No, that wasn't bad. |
| 46076 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Robert |
My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is? |
| 46077 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6851 |
Jim |
No. I would've said no. |
| 46078 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6852 |
Nellie |
Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise. |
| 46079 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6852 |
Kelly |
Oh, great. |
| 46080 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Jim |
I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, what are we saying? That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? Shouldn't work like that. |
| 46081 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now. |
| 46082 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 46083 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 46084 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 46085 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 46086 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 46087 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 46088 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 46089 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 46090 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Darryl |
No. |
| 46091 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off. |
| 46092 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow. |
| 46093 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Dwight |
Well fought. I accept the outcome. |
| 46094 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6853 |
Creed |
Touch me and I'll sue. |
| 46095 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
I've heard that's amazing when it works. |
| 46096 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Andy |
Yeah, if I had my own-- |
| 46097 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
Andy, I care about you and I think-- |
| 46098 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Andy |
#NAME? |
| 46099 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
No, go ahead. |
| 46100 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Andy |
Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say? |
| 46101 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else? |
| 46102 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Andy |
You broke my heart too. |
| 46103 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be. |
| 46104 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Andy |
I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time. |
| 46105 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6854 |
Erin |
I know. |
| 46106 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want. |
| 46107 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy. |
| 46108 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two. |
| 46109 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim? |
| 46110 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for-- what is it? 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night? |
| 46111 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Phillip doesn't like a bottle. |
| 46112 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap? |
| 46113 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
No. |
| 46114 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money. |
| 46115 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
I think... you're a witch. |
| 46116 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Nellie |
I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: "I'm amazing." |
| 46117 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6855 |
Pam |
I'm amazing. |
| 46118 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Irene |
Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. Andy is a nice boy. |
| 46119 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Erin |
Really? 'cause you've been kind of a B to him all afternoon. |
| 46120 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Irene |
I was protecting you because I thought he was no good. But I can tell you really like him. And he's willing to lose his job for you, in this economy with Europe on the brink-- |
| 46121 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Erin |
Irene, what would you do without me? |
| 46122 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Irene |
We're not your concern, sweetheart. Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot. |
| 46123 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Erin |
Why? |
| 46124 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6856 |
Irene |
He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture. |
| 46125 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
Jim, time for your review. |
| 46126 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
No, it's not, because you don't really work here. |
| 46127 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
Why are you so staunchly defending your friend, who has abandoned you? Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? Maybe definitely get a raise? |
| 46128 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if you can even give raises. |
| 46129 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell? |
| 46130 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
Yes. |
| 46131 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
I'm Tinkerbell. |
| 46132 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
No. |
| 46133 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
Mm-hm. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises. |
| 46134 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Stanley |
And we are grateful. |
| 46135 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
But here's the thing about Tinkerbell, Jim. Everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist. |
| 46136 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
She dies. |
| 46137 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Nellie |
She dies! Now who here believes in Tinkerbell? |
| 46138 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
Let's see it. Show of hands. |
| 46139 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Kevin |
I do. Come on everyone... |
| 46140 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
All right, guys, stop. |
| 46141 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Meredith |
I already spent the money. |
| 46142 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Jim |
How? |
| 46143 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Kevin |
Come on Jim, you're killing her! |
| 46144 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
All |
We believe! We believe! |
| 46145 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6857 |
Robert |
Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe. |
| 46146 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
That did not go how I wanted it to. Ugh. I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back, eggplant parm. It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it. |
| 46147 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
Andy wait! Andy! Andy wait! Don't go! Andy I love you! Stop! Oh, this is the wrong Prius. I don't love you. I'm sorry. |
| 46148 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
Erin! |
| 46149 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
Andy. |
| 46150 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
Let's get out of here. |
| 46151 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 46152 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
Let's go. |
| 46153 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff. |
| 46154 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
No, I don't have any stuff. |
| 46155 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
Like your toothbrush and stuff. |
| 46156 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
I don't have one. |
| 46157 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
You don't have a toothbrush? |
| 46158 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
No. |
| 46159 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
How do you not have a toothbrush? |
| 46160 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
I just... there's always one around. |
| 46161 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
You just use whichever one is sitting there? |
| 46162 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Erin |
I always find one. Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush? |
| 46163 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6858 |
Andy |
Of course. I own my toothbrush. |
| 46164 |
8 |
19 |
Get The Girl |
6859 |
Nellie |
I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random. |
| 46165 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Hey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card? |
| 46166 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Jim |
Oh, great. "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy." Oh that's not good. |
| 46167 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Phyllis |
Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious. |
| 46168 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his moustache. |
| 46169 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Jim |
Stanley doesn't have a moustache. |
| 46170 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Yeah he does. |
| 46171 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Oscar |
Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache. |
| 46172 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a moustache or not? |
| 46173 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I don't know. Now I think he doesn't. |
| 46174 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Phyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this! |
| 46175 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Jim |
Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face? |
| 46176 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Angela |
'Cause we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business. |
| 46177 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Okay, which one of these looks more right? |
| 46178 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Dwight |
Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left. |
| 46179 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Gabe |
Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him? |
| 46180 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Jim |
Okay, quick. Who says moustache? |
| 46181 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Dwight |
Yep. |
| 46182 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Jim |
Who says no moustache? |
| 46183 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Gabe |
Ah! Ha ha ha! |
| 46184 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Phyllis |
He does have a moustache. |
| 46185 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 46186 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6860 |
Pam |
Welcome back, Stanley. |
| 46187 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
"Good morning, Robert," says no one because our receptionist is in Florida. Pam! |
| 46188 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 46189 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
Is this a video conference you're having with "Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz"? |
| 46190 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Pam |
Um, no, I was just, um, just having a cup of coffee, kind of warming up for the day. |
| 46191 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
People, you should come to work already warm. Nine to ten a.m. is the most productive potential that a human being- |
| 46192 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Sorry, sorry, everyone, I'm late! But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness. |
| 46193 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
Nellie, really, nine fifty? |
| 46194 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Oh, here's what happened. Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. I hear it. Whack the snooze. |
| 46195 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
Ah. |
| 46196 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Nine minutes. Bzz! Off it goes again. Whack! Seven more times I did that. Bzz, whack. Bzz, whack! By the time I got up, it was ten minutes ago. No willpower. That is my curse! |
| 46197 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman. |
| 46198 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Ah ha! |
| 46199 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason. |
| 46200 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Oh, I assure you, I would have done. I did, and I will keep doing it. |
| 46201 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
No, no, no, no. There's something going on. Some stress in your life. |
| 46202 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Well, yes, uh... there is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Then I have to move in to my apartment in this dreadful, God knows where it is backwater suburb of a suburb, and I mean, no offense but are there a lot of Irish people living around here? |
| 46203 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Kevin, Meredith |
Yes. |
| 46204 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Ugh! I hate that! No offense. |
| 46205 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Kevin |
None taken. |
| 46206 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Oscar |
Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive. |
| 46207 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
oh! Ay, carumba! The natives are getting restless! |
| 46208 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Stanley |
Who's a native? |
| 46209 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Uh, excuse me, the tone here is getting quite hostile. I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court. |
| 46210 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Oscar |
What does that mean? |
| 46211 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Dwight |
Okay, okay. |
| 46212 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
If you'd let me finish- Or the squash court, or the Supreme Court. Hmm? |
| 46213 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
Nellie? |
| 46214 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Yes, Robert! |
| 46215 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
You're clearly under a lot of... stress with the moving and the work situation you've found yourself in. |
| 46216 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Nellie |
Yeah. |
| 46217 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
Let's help her out, shall we? Go above and beyond today to show her some of that warm Scranton hospitality. Jim. Dwight. Take the day. Help Nellie move those boxes into her new place. |
| 46218 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Dwight |
Why Jim? |
| 46219 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6861 |
Robert |
The rest of you, let's throw a party at the end of the day to welcome the newest member of our little community. |
| 46220 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6862 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, we're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible? |
| 46221 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6863 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, we're taking work time to move someone's personal belongings into their new apartment. |
| 46222 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6864 |
Pam |
I'm still not sure why this woman is even here. |
| 46223 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6865 |
Jim |
Why is she here? |
| 46224 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6866 |
Andy |
Two crazy kids on the journey of life. |
| 46225 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6866 |
Erin |
Going to Pennsylvania. |
| 46226 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6867 |
Andy |
On the road with my new girlfriend. But first, a small pit stop to break up with my current girlfriend who is at her parents' cabin in southern Pennsylvania. |
| 46227 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6867 |
Erin |
Oh. That must be nice. |
| 46228 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6867 |
Andy |
Mm-hmm. It's a beautiful place. Great place to let her down easy. |
| 46229 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6867 |
Erin |
Oh, no, no, I meant that it must be nice to have parents. |
| 46230 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6867 |
Andy |
Oh. Hmm. |
| 46231 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Andy |
Time to have a little kiss! |
| 46232 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Erin |
No. |
| 46233 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Andy |
Mm. Sorry. Right. No kisses till the breakup is official. |
| 46234 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 46235 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Andy |
I believe in that. |
| 46236 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Erin |
Yes. So do I. |
| 46237 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Andy |
I think that's important. That is important. Bummer, but important. |
| 46238 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Erin |
Important. |
| 46239 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6868 |
Andy |
Mm-hmm. |
| 46240 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Phyllis |
I can't believe he's making us throw a party for her. |
| 46241 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Pam |
I know, right? |
| 46242 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Oscar |
She's always late, she's always rude... |
| 46243 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Phyllis |
It kinda makes me want to throw a really bad party. |
| 46244 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 46245 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Phyllis |
On purpose. |
| 46246 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Pam |
Phyllis! |
| 46247 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Angela |
We should do it right here in the break room. |
| 46248 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6869 |
Phyllis |
Order carrot cake. |
| 46249 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Andy |
...and Jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for Erin than anything wrong with you. |
| 46250 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Erin |
Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did this in the best way possible, and I knew you as a lover and I'll remember you as a gentleman. Okay, that was one minute and ten seconds. |
| 46251 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Andy |
Consider it nailed. |
| 46252 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Erin |
I think we should try again. This time, worst case scenario. |
| 46253 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Andy |
Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry. I just need you to know- |
| 46254 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Erin |
What? |
| 46255 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Andy |
I just need you to know- |
| 46256 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6870 |
Erin |
What is it? I didn't sleep well last night. |
| 46257 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Dwight |
Ugh! Ow. |
| 46258 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Nellie, that reminds me. Do you want this chair in the bedroom? 'Cause to be honest, I don't think it's gonna fit through the door. |
| 46259 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Dwight |
Don't listen to Jim. Have you ever seen him play Tetris? "Oh, I think I'll just use this line horizontally. Oh, I had no idea what a gift this line is." |
| 46260 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
That was one time- |
| 46261 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Dwight |
I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic. |
| 46262 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Nellie |
Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellant than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic. |
| 46263 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Excuse me, one second. Hi. |
| 46264 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Pam |
Hey, what's up? |
| 46265 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with Dwight. |
| 46266 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Dwight |
Haulin' cube! |
| 46267 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler. |
| 46268 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Pam |
So we're planning this party for Nellie, and we're gonna make it really bad. |
| 46269 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Sounds like every other party. |
| 46270 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Pam |
No. We're gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passive-aggressive card. |
| 46271 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Oh! Hire a magician. |
| 46272 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Pam |
What? |
| 46273 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Jim |
Trust me. |
| 46274 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6871 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 46275 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
Wow. There's a lot of cars here. This is just weird. |
| 46276 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Andy! Hey, what are you doing here? |
| 46277 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
Hey, Lauren. Look at you. |
| 46278 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Well, I know. Look at me. |
| 46279 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought I'd stop and say hi to Jessica. |
| 46280 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Aww! |
| 46281 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
Why is Erin with me? That's a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car. |
| 46282 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Oh. God. |
| 46283 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Erin |
So, I'm Erin. Hi. |
| 46284 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
Yep. This is Erin. |
| 46285 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Nice to meet you. Well, Jess went out for a run but she'll be back soon. Hey ladies, Andy's here! |
| 46286 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Erin |
Okay Andy, that is a bachelorette party, this is Jessica's friends and they've been drinking during the daytime. Should we go? |
| 46287 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Andy |
Yeah. Uh, you know, we had such a quick window to make this work, I think we should probably just- |
| 46288 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Lauren |
Oh, Jess! Look who stopped by after his business trip! |
| 46289 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6872 |
Jessica |
Andy! Hey! |
| 46290 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account. |
| 46291 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Yes, you should. |
| 46292 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Ooh. |
| 46293 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
"Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie." |
| 46294 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
I have to see these shoes. |
| 46295 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
I doubt that they're sh- |
| 46296 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Oh! |
| 46297 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Whoa. Who is this guy? |
| 46298 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend. |
| 46299 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Boyfriend. |
| 46300 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend. |
| 46301 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Like a boyfriend? |
| 46302 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
You read my mind. |
| 46303 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out. |
| 46304 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician. |
| 46305 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup. |
| 46306 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Nellie |
Oh. |
| 46307 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just... |
| 46308 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Nellie |
I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry. |
| 46309 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Dwight |
Why not call... |
| 46310 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6873 |
Jim |
Shh! |
| 46311 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Nellie |
God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant. |
| 46312 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Dwight |
That's awful. What kind of restaurant. |
| 46313 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Jim |
Dwight! |
| 46314 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Nellie |
I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one? |
| 46315 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Jim |
I'm so sorry. These must be very painful memories. |
| 46316 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Dwight |
If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candlestick. |
| 46317 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Nellie |
Thank you. No. Look, Jim, Dwight, please, don't tell anyone about this. |
| 46318 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Jim |
No, no. Of course. Just one quick question. Was this um, Halloween, or... |
| 46319 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6874 |
Nellie |
God, no. That's the most embarrassing thing of all this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by bloody stage magician? |
| 46320 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Jim |
You know what, Pam? I was thinking maybe we should change course here. Let's give up on all this mean stuff. |
| 46321 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Pam |
What? No! No, I just had this brilliant idea- everyone loved it. You don't have a copyright on pranks. I might be better at this than you. |
| 46322 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Jim |
No, that's not what I- |
| 46323 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Nellie |
Jim, could you give us a hand? |
| 46324 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Jim |
Absolutely. Yeah. Call it off, Pam. Call it off, okay? It's way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me. |
| 46325 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Pam |
Oh, okay. Okay, I will. |
| 46326 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Angela |
Pam, we have a great idea. |
| 46327 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Oscar |
Listen to this. |
| 46328 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Angela |
We're going to have the fluorescent lights flickering. It's gonna make everyone sick. |
| 46329 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Pam |
Or what if... |
| 46330 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 46331 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Pam |
We discuss... the idea of doing the party totally normal. Like, not mean. Just a regular party. Not mean. |
| 46332 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Angela |
I knew she'd crack! I wanted to leave you out, you know. |
| 46333 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Oscar |
We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point. |
| 46334 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Pam |
What are you talking about? Yes we can. |
| 46335 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Oscar |
What I mean to say is we don't want to. |
| 46336 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6875 |
Phyllis |
Toots, we're not stopping this train, so get off the tracks. |
| 46337 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Lauren |
Suck it! |
| 46338 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Erin |
Andy- |
| 46339 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
It'll be fine. Just act natural. Do you want a gummy pen1s? |
| 46340 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Erin |
No, uh, I'll just have some gummy bears. |
| 46341 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
These are delicious. |
| 46342 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Erin |
But... they're penises. |
| 46343 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Lauren |
And we come to Matthew. The guy who was with his old girlfriend basically the whole time we were together. |
| 46344 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Ew! Aww! That seems gross at first blush, right? But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we don't know Matthew's history with this other woman. Maybe she saved his life. I don't know. I just- I don't think we should rush to judgment about Matthew. Maybe we don't pop that one. |
| 46345 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Party guests |
No, pop it. Pop it! |
| 46346 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Jessica |
Hey. |
| 46347 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Hey. |
| 46348 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Jessica |
Sorry. It's kind of a madhouse. |
| 46349 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Megan |
Ahh! |
| 46350 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Oh! Ah, Megan. |
| 46351 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Megan |
You are one of the good ones, nard dog. |
| 46352 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Aww. |
| 46353 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Megan |
No, really. Where's my Andy? |
| 46354 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Jessica |
I dunno. |
| 46355 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Oh, he's out there. |
| 46356 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Megan |
Aww. Are you going to sing for us? |
| 46357 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so... |
| 46358 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Megan |
That's not like you. That's not like you. Come on, sing! Sing! |
| 46359 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6876 |
Andy |
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes... |
| 46360 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Pam |
Okay, they're almost here- What? Come on. If you guys are gonna be mean, could you at least be subtle? |
| 46361 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Darryl |
Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis the Menace. Ryan was douche bag. |
| 46362 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Ryan |
Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult. |
| 46363 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Oscar |
Plus everyone would know who you meant. |
| 46364 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Ryan |
Yeah! |
| 46365 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Pam |
No, that's a great idea. Let's have a code name. How about Mondays? I hate Mondays? Mondays are the worst? |
| 46366 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Angela |
Nobody's named Monday. |
| 46367 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Ryan |
Hey, how about we go with Pam? Simple, easy to remember. |
| 46368 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Pam |
'Cause there's someone already here named Pam. |
| 46369 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Kevin |
Shh, here she comes! |
| 46370 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
All |
Hey! |
| 46371 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Phyllis |
Welcome to your party. |
| 46372 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6877 |
Creed |
Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long. |
| 46373 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6878 |
Creed |
Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, "Have you heard my originals? They're terrible." They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie." |
| 46374 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Erin |
Maybe we should just go. |
| 46375 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
No. I gotta do this. Hey Jessica, could I talk to you? |
| 46376 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
Uh, yeah, sure. What's up? |
| 46377 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Uh, maybe we could talk in private? |
| 46378 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
Uh, yeah. What is it? |
| 46379 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Well, first just let me say that I hope when I'm done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends. |
| 46380 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
You're breaking up with me? |
| 46381 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Uh, no. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now. |
| 46382 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
Oh my God. Are you leaving me for Erin? You said she wasn't relationship material and she wasn't as good as me, but it's her, isn't it? |
| 46383 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Whoa! That? No. Okay. You want honesty? Super-honesty time. I'm gay. |
| 46384 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
What? |
| 46385 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
I am gay, and I prefer men. |
| 46386 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Kenny |
I knew it! |
| 46387 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
You did not, Kenny! |
| 46388 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Kenny |
You invited me to go shopping with you. |
| 46389 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
I like hanging out with you. You're a cool guy. Which proves my point. That I'm gay. |
| 46390 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
Andy, you're not gay. I mean, we were... together. And you seemed pretty excitable. |
| 46391 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Well, I was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos. |
| 46392 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
I can't say it doesn't make sense... |
| 46393 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Well... I mean, I was good at hiding it, but- |
| 46394 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Jessica |
Look, it's fine, Andy. I didn't think we were gonna get married or anything. I just... I'm just upset for now. |
| 46395 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6879 |
Andy |
Understandable. And I'm really sorry. I really am. So... we should probably... go. |
| 46396 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Robert |
This humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent. |
| 46397 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Oscar |
To Nellie Bertram, you are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company. |
| 46398 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Robert |
Cheers. |
| 46399 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Nellie |
Why thank you. |
| 46400 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Oscar |
Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entitled, unfriendly presence in our company. |
| 46401 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
All |
Cheers. |
| 46402 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Angela |
Nellie is terrific, but to be honest, every day I imagine how happy I'd be if Pam died. |
| 46403 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Jim |
Oh. Well. I feel that as someone who knows Pam only a little bit... enough. A good amount. Not the most, though. I would say that she is misunderstood and that maybe there's some stuff in her past that you guys don't know about that's a little messed up and probably makes her such a torture to work with. |
| 46404 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Creed |
We hate Pam. We hate Pam. |
| 46405 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
All |
We hate Pam! We hate Pam! |
| 46406 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Magician |
So we've established- |
| 46407 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Jim |
No. No. |
| 46408 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Magician |
#NAME? |
| 46409 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6880 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 46410 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
That was a really rough scene. |
| 46411 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Andy |
Right? Rough scene. |
| 46412 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 46413 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Andy |
Oh... at least we can kiss now. |
| 46414 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
Oh, yeah. |
| 46415 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Andy |
You know, that stuff that I said about you to her... I did- That's just- I had to say it. You know, I was dating her at the time. |
| 46416 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
Yeah. Yes, of course. Ah... I feel really tired. |
| 46417 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 46418 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
Probably from seeing that turkey. |
| 46419 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Andy |
Oh yeah. |
| 46420 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6881 |
Erin |
When we drove by the farm. Oh. Always does it. |
| 46421 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
Are you Nellie? Oh, I think you're my volunteer. Come on over here, huh? |
| 46422 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Jim |
Oh, I'll do it. I will volunteer. |
| 46423 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Robert |
no, Nellie, she- |
| 46424 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Jim |
I'll do it. |
| 46425 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
Oh! Big guy, huh? How's the air up there? Watch out for... birds. All right, let's uh- let's do some card magic. Now, what I want you to do is... I want you to pick a card just by looking at it. Do not say what it is. |
| 46426 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Jim |
It's the four of hearts. |
| 46427 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Robert |
Oh, no, you- |
| 46428 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
Looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh? No hablo el cardo, senor? Hmm? Ha. All right, the card is picked. Now sir, will you please shuffled the deck? You didn't just do that on purpose, did ya? |
| 46429 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Robert |
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly? |
| 46430 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
Little known fact about me. Before I was a magician, I used to work at a rope factory. |
| 46431 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Jim |
Not true. 'Cause that's not a real place. |
| 46432 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
But I never could seem to figure out those knots. |
| 46433 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Pam |
That's not a real knot. When you pull on it, it disappears. |
| 46434 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
What the hell? All right, where's Phyllis? Who's Phyllis? Look. This is really uncool, okay? I put on a clean show here- |
| 46435 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Dwight |
Okay scram, wizard. |
| 46436 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
What? |
| 46437 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Dwight |
You heard me! |
| 46438 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Magician |
Huh! |
| 46439 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Robert |
Well Nellie, I'm sorry. If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician- |
| 46440 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Nellie |
Well, I thought it was quite fun. In fact, I think they're brilliant employees, in their own way. Don't you see what I see? |
| 46441 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Robert |
Interesting. Yes. No, yes, I see that. Great work, team. Great party. |
| 46442 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6882 |
Kevin |
You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert. How do I get this taste out of my mouth? |
| 46443 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Erin |
What? Why are we- |
| 46444 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Andy |
I just gotta do one thing. |
| 46445 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Megan |
Oh. Hello. Hey everybody, look who's here. |
| 46446 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Jessica |
What are you doing here? |
| 46447 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Andy |
Hi. Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay. In fact, I'm so not gay, I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Erin Hannon and she's right there. She's sweet, funny and beautiful and total relationship material. |
| 46448 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Megan |
Why the hell did you come back here? |
| 46449 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Jessica |
Go away. |
| 46450 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Kenny |
Get lost! |
| 46451 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Woman |
Get out! |
| 46452 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 46453 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Lauren |
You're done! |
| 46454 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Andy |
Bye guys. |
| 46455 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Lauren |
Get out! You ruined my party! Who does that? Are you kidding me? Yeah, run away! |
| 46456 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Kenny |
You're disgusting! |
| 46457 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Lauren |
I can't believe you're not gay! |
| 46458 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Kenny |
Yeah get out of here. |
| 46459 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Various |
Don't come back. |
| 46460 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Erin |
Uh-oh! |
| 46461 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6883 |
Various |
You don't even know how to drive! Bye Andy! Loser! Nice car! |
| 46462 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Pam |
Hey Hank. |
| 46463 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Hank |
Yes ma'am. |
| 46464 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Pam |
I thought I was very specific about you not letting up a magician. |
| 46465 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Hank |
Yes ma'am. I got my eyes open. |
| 46466 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Jim |
Well, turns out he actually made it up there. |
| 46467 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Hank |
What? That ain't right. |
| 46468 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Pam |
Yeah, he came and went. |
| 46469 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Hank |
Wait a minute! You said it was a magician, right? You don't think he could've used... it couldn't have been... |
| 46470 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Pam |
Let's just- let's go. |
| 46471 |
8 |
20 |
Welcome Party |
6884 |
Jim |
Night-night. |
| 46472 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6885 |
Phyllis |
Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley. |
| 46473 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6886 |
Jim |
Phyllis says the same twelve clichés every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates. |
| 46474 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6887 |
Darryl |
So how was the drive in? |
| 46475 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6887 |
Phyllis |
Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain. |
| 46476 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6887 |
Darryl |
You don't say? |
| 46477 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6887 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. You know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour? |
| 46478 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6888 |
Phyllis |
Oh, the plants are gonna love this. |
| 46479 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6888 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 46480 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6889 |
Phyllis |
I actually sleep better when it's raining. |
| 46481 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6889 |
Meredith |
Tell me about it. |
| 46482 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Oscar |
Time's almost up. How many are left? |
| 46483 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Pam |
Just one. "This weather makes me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book." |
| 46484 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Darryl |
Phyllis. This rain... does it make you wanna be doing something? |
| 46485 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Phyllis |
What do you mean? |
| 46486 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Pam |
You know, like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain? |
| 46487 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Jim |
Hey, come on. |
| 46488 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Phyllis |
Lots of things are cozy in the rain. |
| 46489 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6890 |
Jim |
And that's noon. Exactly. |
| 46490 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6891 |
Phyllis |
I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay home, curled up with a good book. But everybody's being so nice to me today. I'm really happy being here. |
| 46491 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
My girlfriend's back and there's gonna be trouble- |
| 46492 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy, Erin |
Hey la, hey la... |
| 46493 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
...my girlfriend's back! |
| 46494 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Erin |
...his girlfriend's back! |
| 46495 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
Anyway, I know it's the end of the day. We just wanted to stop by and say hi. |
| 46496 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Kevin |
Welcome home. |
| 46497 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 46498 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
Hey, Kev. |
| 46499 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 46500 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
Nice sweater. |
| 46501 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Kevin |
Thank you. Nellie was nice enough to give it to me. She's sweet. I just wish there was pockets. |
| 46502 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Andy |
What happened to old salty? |
| 46503 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6892 |
Dwight |
Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato. |
| 46504 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6893 |
Dwight |
I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter. |
| 46505 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
Okey dokey. |
| 46506 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
Yes? |
| 46507 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
Whoa. Well, you must be the famous Nellie Bertram I've been hearing all about. I am the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about. |
| 46508 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
Oh yes. |
| 46509 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
I just want to thank you for jumping in and minding the store during my temporary absence. |
| 46510 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
You are most welcome. |
| 46511 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
Anyway, now that I'm back, I would love to have my office back, whenever you get a chance. |
| 46512 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 46513 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
Obviously, we'll figure out the, uh, logistics of moving all this stuff out of here. But, you know, the sooner the better. |
| 46514 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
Mm-hmm. |
| 46515 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Andy |
Get back to normalcy. |
| 46516 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6894 |
Nellie |
Hmm, no. |
| 46517 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6895 |
Ravi |
...and then just lay him in his crib, and then bicycle his legs. And then after Jim quiets down, you do the same thing with your baby. But if he keeps having problems, just give me a call. |
| 46518 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6895 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh, thank you so much. But seriously, we don't want to bother you any more than we already have. |
| 46519 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6895 |
Jim |
That's it. |
| 46520 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6895 |
Kelly |
It's no bother, you guys are our friends. |
| 46521 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6896 |
Pam |
Ravi, our amazing pediatrician, was asking us if we knew any girls and I said I know the perfect girl. |
| 46522 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6896 |
Jim |
Yep. Because Kelly is Indian and... oh, that's it. |
| 46523 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6896 |
Pam |
Race had nothing to do with it. I just knew they'd be good together. |
| 46524 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6897 |
Pam |
Kelly has been a handful in the past. |
| 46525 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6897 |
Kelly |
Why? |
| 46526 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6897 |
Pam |
But she's had a bad influence. She's like an addict. And I just had to get her clean. |
| 46527 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6897 |
Kevin |
Get lower. |
| 46528 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Ryan |
Um, also, little tip, never shake the baby. |
| 46529 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Jim |
Sorry, just to be clear, you're saying do NOT shake the baby. |
| 46530 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Ryan |
Don't shake the baby. Um, a lot of times, parents get frustrated 'cause the baby's crying and they shake the baby. And you got to, um, you can't do that. |
| 46531 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Pam |
Don't shake our baby? |
| 46532 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 46533 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Pam |
Okay. I'd never heard that before. So, thank you. |
| 46534 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Ryan |
Oh, my God. |
| 46535 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Pam |
Yeah, I'm glad you said something. |
| 46536 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6898 |
Ryan |
Me too. |
| 46537 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6899 |
Ryan |
Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome, if you're into Indian people. I'm not. |
| 46538 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6900 |
Ryan |
Hey, um, what's the deal with this guy? He's really into Kelly, huh? |
| 46539 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6900 |
Pam |
Yeah, they're really great together. |
| 46540 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6900 |
Ryan |
Maybe we weren't right together, but... it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love? |
| 46541 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6900 |
Jim |
That's about it, yeah. |
| 46542 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Robert |
Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office- |
| 46543 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 46544 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Robert |
I'm sorry? |
| 46545 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Andy |
This is what I was trying to tell you. |
| 46546 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Robert |
I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me. |
| 46547 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Nellie |
Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes. |
| 46548 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6901 |
Robert |
You're both adults. I'm sure you can figure this out between yourselves. |
| 46549 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6902 |
Robert |
I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to excuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way. |
| 46550 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
I'm gonna count down from five and if you are not out of my office, I'm going to dock your pay one hundred dollars. |
| 46551 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 46552 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Five... four... |
| 46553 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
You can't dock my pay- |
| 46554 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Angela! Dock Andy's pay one hundred dollars. |
| 46555 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Angela |
On it! |
| 46556 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Great. Five, four, three, two, one. Angela, please dock Nellie's pay a hundred dollars. Angela? |
| 46557 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Do you want to go again? |
| 46558 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Angela? |
| 46559 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Let's go again. Five... four... |
| 46560 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Ooh, she's counting again. |
| 46561 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Three... two... one... |
| 46562 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Oh, oh! |
| 46563 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Nellie |
Angela, two hundred dollars! |
| 46564 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Angela |
You got it. |
| 46565 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6903 |
Andy |
Seriously, Angela? |
| 46566 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6904 |
Andy |
I got a little bit of an anger problem. Got me in some trouble a couple years ago. |
| 46567 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6904 |
Erin |
When I see him start to get mad, I just put my hand on his arm like this. |
| 46568 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6905 |
Nellie |
I know what, let's go... ten thousand dollars! Five... four... |
| 46569 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6905 |
Andy |
You're just saying numbers. It's meaningless. |
| 46570 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6905 |
Nellie |
Three... |
| 46571 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6905 |
Andy |
It's literally like- |
| 46572 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6905 |
Nellie |
Two... one. |
| 46573 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6906 |
Erin |
There you go. Hey. we're gonna have a nice, hot date. |
| 46574 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Erin |
Hey. So last night was so not a big deal. |
| 46575 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Andy |
Oh, yeah, I was just tired. |
| 46576 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Erin |
We both were. Plus, I was definitely not my normal sexy self. |
| 46577 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Andy |
Whoa. No. Are you kidding? You were so sexy. Just the thought of you last night, like, crazy turns me on. It just didn't last night. |
| 46578 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Erin |
Really. It's not a big deal. |
| 46579 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6907 |
Andy |
Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal. |
| 46580 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6908 |
Ryan |
I found this the other day while I was journaling and they reminded me of you. |
| 46581 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6908 |
Kelly |
Oh, those are from our weekend at the time share. |
| 46582 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6908 |
Ryan |
Yeah, the fractional ownership property. Oh, we took this one right before we got in that huge fight. |
| 46583 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6908 |
Kelly |
God I don't even remember what that fight was about. |
| 46584 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6908 |
Ryan |
You were being really bratty about where we would go out to dinner. But all I remember is how pretty you looked, taking those pictures of me. Anyway, if you want to order prints of your own, I can send you the link. |
| 46585 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6909 |
Ryan |
I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change. |
| 46586 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
When you lost the manager job- |
| 46587 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
Yes? |
| 46588 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
Did it affect you outside of the office? |
| 46589 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
How? |
| 46590 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
I don't know what the technical term is... Penial softiosis? |
| 46591 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. You came to the exact right person for this. No, I have never once experienced anything remotely like that. Never. |
| 46592 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
Oh, okay. |
| 46593 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
Okay? |
| 46594 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
Okay. |
| 46595 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
Washington Monument. |
| 46596 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 46597 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Dwight |
Eiffel Tower. |
| 46598 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6910 |
Erin |
Okay, okay. |
| 46599 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6911 |
Pam |
I saw you were getting along with Ryan again. |
| 46600 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6911 |
Kelly |
He's so sweet. He pointed to my latte and he said, "Kelly, that will be the color of our children." |
| 46601 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6911 |
Pam |
Yeah, he's so great. Remember how it felt when he cheated on you though? |
| 46602 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6911 |
Kelly |
Which time? |
| 46603 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6912 |
Pam |
I am not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan. And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. Why you would even ask or were going to ask, because I- I felt like that question was coming. |
| 46604 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6913 |
Dwight |
One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that. |
| 46605 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6914 |
Dwight |
Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on. |
| 46606 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6915 |
Dwight |
Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that. |
| 46607 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6915 |
Nellie |
What do you mean? |
| 46608 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6915 |
Dwight |
Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant. |
| 46609 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6916 |
Nellie |
I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood. |
| 46610 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Nellie |
Okay, I would like to invite everyone into the conference room. |
| 46611 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Andy |
You can't call a meeting. But I would like to have a meeting in the conference room right now! So let's get in the conference room. Thank you. Good. Thank you for coming to my meeting. |
| 46612 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Nellie |
Okay, if you would like to take a seat we can get started. |
| 46613 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Andy |
Oh! Can't do it 'cause I gotta run a meeting. So. |
| 46614 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 46615 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Andy |
Wanted to talk to all of you guys about importance... and know that each and every one of you is vitally important. |
| 46616 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Robert |
Andrew, not everyone here is important. And the word is "impotence." |
| 46617 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6917 |
Nellie |
Which is important in its own way. So if you'd just like to take a seat, Andy. |
| 46618 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6918 |
Nellie |
"Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie. |
| 46619 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Nellie |
This meeting is not about any one person in particular. It is a human problem. |
| 46620 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Dwight |
It's not just a human problem. Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male. |
| 46621 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Oscar |
Nellie, does the person affected by this want us to help her in any way in particular? |
| 46622 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Nellie |
Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men. |
| 46623 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Robert, Creed |
How old? |
| 46624 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Creed |
Jinx. Buy me some Coke. |
| 46625 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Nellie |
Dwight told me about it earlier. |
| 46626 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Erin |
Dwight! |
| 46627 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
All |
What? |
| 46628 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Erin |
You promised! |
| 46629 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Kevin |
Dwight couldn't get it up for Nellie? |
| 46630 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no, no, It's not me. I'm gonna prove it right here and now. |
| 46631 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Angela |
What are you doing? |
| 46632 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Oscar |
What is this? |
| 46633 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Angela |
Stop that! Dwight! Stop that, stop it. |
| 46634 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6919 |
Andy |
Fine, it was me. I couldn't- I had a problem with Erin last night. Happy? |
| 46635 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6920 |
Andy |
I had a lot on my mind last night. And I didn't perform. Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview. |
| 46636 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Andy |
Every guy in this room has been touched by this affliction. Tuna? T-dog? |
| 46637 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Jim |
Um... |
| 46638 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Darryl |
Uh... I have other issues. I'm terrible at math. Overweight. You- you're in great shape. A lot better shape than I am, tell you what. |
| 46639 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Robert |
It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. Fascinating. |
| 46640 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Andy |
Fascinating. |
| 46641 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Gabe |
I don't really see what the problem is. Erin doesn't even like s*x, remember? You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton. |
| 46642 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Nellie |
Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo? |
| 46643 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Kevin |
Tip-top shape. |
| 46644 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Nellie |
Oh... Stanley? |
| 46645 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Stanley |
No. Um-um. |
| 46646 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Nellie |
Creed, you are a thousand years old. |
| 46647 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Creed |
Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did. |
| 46648 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Andy |
Okay, so I- |
| 46649 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Pam |
Actually Andy, I think maybe we experienced it. |
| 46650 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Jim |
What happened? |
| 46651 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Pam |
That a couple of times- |
| 46652 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Jim |
Couple of times. |
| 46653 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Robert |
Jim, maybe you could tell us about one of those times. |
| 46654 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Dwight |
Yeah Jim. |
| 46655 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Andy |
Yeah Jim, get it out there. |
| 46656 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Jim |
Um... I don't... Uh, yes, that time that it was very late. Uh, we'd had s*x so many times already, I was exhausted... |
| 46657 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Pam |
Okay, stop. |
| 46658 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Jim |
I was very drunk. |
| 46659 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6921 |
Phyllis |
If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four. |
| 46660 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6922 |
Phyllis |
Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done. |
| 46661 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Gabe |
I've read- and I don't know anything about this personally- but they say prostate stimulation can help. |
| 46662 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 46663 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Gabe |
This is just, uh- This American Life, I think I heard it on. |
| 46664 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Robert |
No, that's absolutely the case. |
| 46665 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Gabe |
I know, right? |
| 46666 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Dwight |
You know, my rectal electro-ejaculator is rated for bovine use only but I could let you rent it. |
| 46667 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Robert |
Andy, why don't you tell us about the best erection of your life? Or does anyone else have any remarkable erections they'd like to share? |
| 46668 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Kevin |
Ooh, ooh! |
| 46669 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Jim |
Wow, what are we talking about? |
| 46670 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Erin |
Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff? |
| 46671 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Toby |
Erin, HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything. |
| 46672 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6923 |
Nellie |
The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral. |
| 46673 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6924 |
Robert |
I almost didn't come in today. |
| 46674 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level. I don't think you have to tell your friends anything. It hasn't been decided yet. |
| 46675 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Nellie |
Erin, on phone memos you're writing the date American style. Month, day, year. I prefer it day, month, year. Small, bigger, biggest. Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional. |
| 46676 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Erin |
Shut up. Shut up! I am sick of your dumb opinions. And if you don't like the way that I take phone messages, here! Take 'em yourself! |
| 46677 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
Oh, and another thing! Our s*x life is none of your businesses! |
| 46678 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Erin |
And Andy is the manager, not Nellie! |
| 46679 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
Stop protecting me! I'm a man- I can protect myself! This is misdirected anger and I'm sorry! I don't mean to lash out at you! There's a lot coming up right now, all at once! Dad go to hell, I'm taller than you! |
| 46680 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Nellie |
Okay, just calm down. |
| 46681 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit. |
| 46682 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Robert |
Andy, why don't you just take a seat? |
| 46683 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
Why don't you take a seat, you idiot? |
| 46684 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Erin |
And why don't you take all your stupid memos and your stupid pens and your dumb caramels? |
| 46685 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Andy |
And your stupid face! And your stupid office! Ah! |
| 46686 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6925 |
Darryl |
He does not like that wall. |
| 46687 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6926 |
Erin |
Maybe we'll get sent to anger management together. |
| 46688 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6926 |
Andy |
That would actually be cool. I'd love for you to meet some of the guys. |
| 46689 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6926 |
Robert |
Andy, Erin, you can join us now. |
| 46690 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
Hey, I hear you been bad-mouthing me to Kelly. |
| 46691 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Pam |
All I did was remind her that you used to treat her badly. |
| 46692 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
Well that's your opinion and it's her opinion, but it's not my opinion. If you have something bad to say to me, Pam, say it to my face. |
| 46693 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Pam |
Fair enough. Um... I don't think you're a very good person. And forgive me, but I feel like I've said this to you before: I don't like you very much. |
| 46694 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
Well a lot of people would say that I'm a better match for Kelly than Ravi is. |
| 46695 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Oscar |
Oh come on, Ryan. Really? Ravi's way better. |
| 46696 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
For Kelly? |
| 46697 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Man, you're insane right now. Ravi's the whole package. |
| 46698 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Nate |
I've never met Ravi personally, but I'm gonna go ahead and say, just having knowing you a short while, Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I've never even met the guy. |
| 46699 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
Kelly, I wrote you the most amazing love poem. But I can't even read it. My heart couldn't handle it. |
| 46700 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Pam |
Oh, no, no, no. |
| 46701 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Oscar |
Oh, come on. |
| 46702 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Pam |
Read it, please. I love amazing poetry. |
| 46703 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
No. It would cause me too much pain. |
| 46704 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Pam |
Read through the pain. Be strong. |
| 46705 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
This poem would crush you! |
| 46706 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Oscar |
Ryan, go away! She found herself a beautiful boyfriend! |
| 46707 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Kevin |
Yeah, man, he's absolutely gorgeous! Please leave her alone. |
| 46708 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6927 |
Ryan |
You see, Kelly? Our love scares them. It screws up their cookie-cutter world. |
| 46709 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6928 |
Kelly |
Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me. |
| 46710 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Robert |
Andy, we're going to go with Nellie as manager and put you back on the sales team. I promise you, in time, we'll all laugh about this incident. I already think it's kind of funny. |
| 46711 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46712 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Robert |
Excuse me? |
| 46713 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Andy |
I'm saying no. |
| 46714 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Robert |
Well you can't say no. |
| 46715 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6929 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46716 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Pam |
Oh, boo! Boo! Boo to you! Boo! |
| 46717 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
You are toxic! You are toxic! |
| 46718 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Pam |
Boo! |
| 46719 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Jim |
Hey, hey. Okay. |
| 46720 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
Kelly, I have a few things to say to you, so please don't interrupt. |
| 46721 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
I wasn't going to interrupt. |
| 46722 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
Well you do a lot, so just don't. Thank you. I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated. But I want to marry you, Kelly Kapoor. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, and probably. |
| 46723 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Pam |
Barf! Ugh, you suck! |
| 46724 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
What is your problem? Hey, hey, hey, can we turn this back around quickly, please? This is very important to me. |
| 46725 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Wrangler |
Turn around. Turn around. Turn around! |
| 46726 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
Can we turn this -ing thing around? Thank you. |
| 46727 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Wrangler |
She don't wanna turn around. |
| 46728 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
Thank you. Kelly, I can't promise you that we'll always stay together. I can't promise you that I'll never cheat on you. Nor should I. Modern marriages aren't built that way. Men aren't built that way. There's a very interesting article I can email to you. But I can tell you this. Even if the odds are fifty-fifty that we'll break up within the week, I wanna roll those dice. I love you, Kelly. |
| 46729 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
Ryan. |
| 46730 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
Will you roll those dice with me? |
| 46731 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
You mean so much to me. But, I love Ravi and I choose him. |
| 46732 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
No you don't. |
| 46733 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
I do. |
| 46734 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
No you don't. |
| 46735 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
I hope we can still be friends. Can I have a hug? |
| 46736 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Ryan |
What? |
| 46737 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Kelly |
That was really cool. |
| 46738 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Angela |
Ugh. Eww! |
| 46739 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Jim |
Well, it's good to see Kelly's maturing. |
| 46740 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6930 |
Angela |
Oh God! |
| 46741 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Robert |
Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job. |
| 46742 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46743 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Nellie |
It's the apology. I really have to insist. |
| 46744 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46745 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Nellie |
Stop saying no. |
| 46746 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46747 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Robert |
Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. So... is there anything else you wanna say? |
| 46748 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6931 |
Andy |
No. |
| 46749 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Andy |
I can't describe it. I just, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel in control. I feel... alive. |
| 46750 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Erin |
Here- |
| 46751 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Andy |
Ah- da, da, da, da. I got it. |
| 46752 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Erin |
But you hurt your hand. |
| 46753 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Andy |
I... Got... It. |
| 46754 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Erin |
Right now? |
| 46755 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6932 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 46756 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6933 |
Pam |
You're not the least bit curious to hear a poem straight from Ryan's soul? |
| 46757 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6933 |
Jim |
Not at all, can we go? |
| 46758 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6933 |
Pam |
"Kapoor and ka-desperate, he watches." |
| 46759 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6933 |
Jim |
Second line. |
| 46760 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6933 |
Pam |
"He is a drifter out to sea." |
| 46761 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6934 |
Jim |
"And when the Indian Ocean calms, one speck of white remains in waters cold and Kelly green." |
| 46762 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6934 |
Pam |
It's just so dumb. But when he describes himself as a child, lost on the life raft... |
| 46763 |
8 |
21 |
Angry Andy |
6935 |
Jim |
Uh, Ryan can never know. |
| 46764 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 46765 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
Okay fine. Ryan, something the matter? |
| 46766 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Smokey's dead. |
| 46767 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
Smokey, the bear? |
| 46768 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago, I guess I'm the first to know. |
| 46769 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Wow That's terrible, I really liked him. |
| 46770 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Oh you liked him? That's nice. Did you like when he changed the course of American music like two or three times? Did you like that tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written? I'm glad you liked him Jim. I am completely devastated right now. |
| 46771 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Well, I second that emotion. |
| 46772 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Huh? |
| 46773 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Nellie |
I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones? |
| 46774 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Oh God, Nellie! What wasn't his? I mean, um, "Tracks of my Tears"? |
| 46775 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Nellie |
Yeah |
| 46776 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Um... God, so many, Nellie! |
| 46777 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
No, no, no, "Tracks of My Tears" and what else? What are some more? What's one more? |
| 46778 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Okay, I'm not... I'm not playing this game, Pam. Not today. |
| 46779 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
I don't think you love Smokey Robinson. I think you're just doing all of this to prove how deep you are about music |
| 46780 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Okay, I'm sorry I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz or the Beatles. |
| 46781 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Dwight |
You don't like the Beatles? |
| 46782 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
That's... That's not the point! |
| 46783 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Dwight |
Eleanor Rigby? Paperback writer? |
| 46784 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Okay, you know, you always think you have time to see these legends before they go. What was I so busy doing? |
| 46785 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Oscar |
It says here this Smokey Robinson dead thing was a hoax. It's on CNN as of two minutes ago. |
| 46786 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Okay well, that's a relief! |
| 46787 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Wow! Look at that! It says he's actually playing State College. That's only three hours away! |
| 46788 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
Oh my God, Ryan! That's perfect! You have to go! |
| 46789 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Tickets are 250 bucks. |
| 46790 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
250 dollars is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan. |
| 46791 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Yeah... Who's opening? |
| 46792 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Paul Anka. |
| 46793 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Paul Anka?! How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that? I don't think I can see this. |
| 46794 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Jim |
Okay, you could just show up late though. |
| 46795 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
How much is parking, like 30 bucks? That's not what Smokey would have wanted. Does want. |
| 46796 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Pam |
Tears of a clown! |
| 46797 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6936 |
Ryan |
Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that! |
| 46798 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6937 |
Darryl |
Looking good, RC! |
| 46799 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6937 |
Robert |
Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation s*x club over on I-84. The red room say? Or Dominick's? |
| 46800 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6937 |
Angela |
Robert! The senator was going to wear dark brown tonight... I'm sure it will be fine. |
| 46801 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6938 |
Angela |
My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters! Robert California bought two tables for everyone here! These people were lucky to get seats because it is going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district! |
| 46802 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Dwight |
I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we are all about to be killed |
| 46803 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Jim |
Well, as long as you don't want to alarm people... |
| 46804 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Oscar |
What's going on? |
| 46805 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Dwight |
There is a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot. |
| 46806 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Erin |
Oh that's Andy. He's just hanging out |
| 46807 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Dwight |
That's how workplace tragedies always begin. A middle aged white male "hanging out". Call the cops! |
| 46808 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Pam |
Dwight, I don't think he's going to hurt anybody. |
| 46809 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Phyllis |
How do you? I mean, why do you think he's there? |
| 46810 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Dwight |
I don't even know what kind of weapon he has. Could be a knife, could be a gun. Could be a series of guns all lined up to shoot parallel. I'm going up to the roof. And I'm gonna bring my gym bag just in case. |
| 46811 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6939 |
Nellie |
I knew this would happen! Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered. |
| 46812 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Andy |
Hey! |
| 46813 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Erin |
Hey, just wanted to say hi and hear you say everything is normal. Maybe video tape you saying that so that everyone upstairs can see. |
| 46814 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Angela |
We think you might kill Robert. |
| 46815 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Andy |
What? |
| 46816 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Kevin |
because he fired you which means apparently you're living in your car now. |
| 46817 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Andy |
guys, everything is fine! I'm just here to pick up Erin. We're going to the Fundraiser. |
| 46818 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Pam |
Oh, great! That sounds good! |
| 46819 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Kevin |
Wait, what? You're going to the fundraiser tonight? That's going to be weird. |
| 46820 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Andy |
Why would that be weird? |
| 46821 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Kevin |
It's going to be super weird, he just fired you last week. |
| 46822 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Erin |
Andy's just coming as my date. |
| 46823 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6940 |
Kevin |
Hey, I hear you! I hope you're right. It just seems like it's going to be really, really weird. |
| 46824 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Nellie |
Come in! |
| 46825 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Darryl |
You really re-did Andy's office, huh? |
| 46826 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Nellie |
Yes, cut out the clutter. Very simple, very minimal. |
| 46827 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Darryl |
I need you to sign these, we got a shipment going out. |
| 46828 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Nellie |
How are things in the warehouse? |
| 46829 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Darryl |
You could go downstairs and ask them? |
| 46830 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Nellie |
The warehouse isn't downstairs? Is it? Is it? |
| 46831 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Darryl |
Who knew, right? |
| 46832 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6941 |
Nellie |
I... |
| 46833 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6942 |
Nellie |
Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me. |
| 46834 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6943 |
Angela |
Robert, the senator and I wanted to stop by and say hello. |
| 46835 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6943 |
Andy |
Hello! Did anyone order a blast from the past, with a side order of sexy? |
| 46836 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6943 |
Kevin |
Oh man, this is weird! |
| 46837 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6943 |
Robert |
Andrew. |
| 46838 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6943 |
Andy |
Oh, Wanna shake my hand, huh? Cause I want to shake your body! I had you, I had you! |
| 46839 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6944 |
Andy |
Where do I look? It's been so long since I did one of these things? Okay, alright! What's the question? How am I doing? Umm... Great! |
| 46840 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Kevin |
Creed, I just bid twenty dollars on six Jiu-Jitsu lessons. No one's raping this guy! |
| 46841 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Creed |
Well, I don't want to get raped Twenty-Two! |
| 46842 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Kevin |
No! It was my idea to not be raped! |
| 46843 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Dwight |
Wait, you think Jiu-Jitsu classes cost $22 If you're going to guess the price, you might as well try to be halfway accurate. $180! |
| 46844 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Kevin |
Whoa, Dwight, I don't think you understand. |
| 46845 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6945 |
Dwight |
You guess the price, you win the prize. Have you never been to a Quaker fair before? God! |
| 46846 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6946 |
Kevin |
So Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions. I guess he's the stupid guy in the office, huh? Up till now, we didn't have one! |
| 46847 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6947 |
Andy |
What haven't I been doing? Gosh, just today I was working on this rock opera that I'm writing, though it feels more like I'm receiving it than writing it. |
| 46848 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6947 |
Jim |
Wow, that's exciting! But until you firm up the idea, you might want to keep it between us. |
| 46849 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6947 |
Andy |
The hero lives in this dystopian future and he flies around in a spaceship that's shaped like a treble clef. And he has to sing his heart out to destroy all evil. |
| 46850 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6947 |
Pam |
Sounds like you're doing alright. |
| 46851 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6947 |
Andy |
Ehh, a little better than alright, actually. Really good! |
| 46852 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6948 |
Ryan |
Oh, this guy is having a breakdown. |
| 46853 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6949 |
Senator |
You know, Oscar, I really had no idea you were so passionate about animals. |
| 46854 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6949 |
Oscar |
my dog Gerald is my life. |
| 46855 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6949 |
Senator |
really? Well, if you want to get involved, call me. This is my cell. I'm more likely to pick up night, say after 9... Excuse me. |
| 46856 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6950 |
Oscar |
This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela. |
| 46857 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
I stepped in right away and start-- |
| 46858 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
Bobby! Bobbo! You're a rock opera guy, right? You like rock operas? |
| 46859 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
Well... |
| 46860 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
You gotta check out this thing I'm working on, it's really cool. There's this character Thomas Oregon, and he wants to destroy all the guitars in the world because he realizes that music is the one thing he can't control. |
| 46861 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure? |
| 46862 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
Evil! although he's humanized in the end because he weeps uncontrolably and pees in his pants. |
| 46863 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
and the hero, who's that based on? |
| 46864 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
Me, I guess. We're flying so high, we're crackin' the sky! Gonna fly out of this dome my girlfriend and I! |
| 46865 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Meredith |
Hey jabroni. Show some class. |
| 46866 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Stanley |
She's right, Andy. you're being a jabroni |
| 46867 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
You're being a Thomas Oregon! |
| 46868 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
Andrew, I think this may have been a bad idea. Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight? |
| 46869 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
Don't need you to pay for me. I'm doing just fine, thank you. Why don't you quit harshing our mellow? |
| 46870 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Robert |
Andy you should leave. Now. |
| 46871 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
Excuse me. I would like to purchase two seats at another table, please. |
| 46872 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Waiter |
I'm sorry, the tables are sold as complete units. |
| 46873 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
then I'll take a table! |
| 46874 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Waiter |
Okay |
| 46875 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6951 |
Andy |
And a high five! Oh, let's do this again! |
| 46876 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6952 |
Andy |
Oh, yes indeed... When! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You forgot a few salads! When! |
| 46877 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Oscar |
I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just hit on me! |
| 46878 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Pam |
Oh my god! |
| 46879 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Oscar |
I know! |
| 46880 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
Wait, what? Come on! |
| 46881 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Oscar |
We were talking about animals, he gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it. |
| 46882 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy, because you are, but isn't it possible that he was just schmoosing a voter? |
| 46883 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Oscar |
Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote. |
| 46884 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
Okay, what was this look? |
| 46885 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Pam |
Whoa! |
| 46886 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
What happened, did he do it? |
| 46887 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Pam |
Are you-- Twice! For real? |
| 46888 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
Okay guys, not every glance means something, alright? Life isn't Downton Abbey. |
| 46889 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Pam |
Life is Downton Abbey. |
| 46890 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6953 |
Jim |
Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to talk to him and I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody. |
| 46891 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6954 |
Dwight |
How much do you guys charge for a one full year gym membership? Thank you! |
| 46892 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6955 |
Dwight |
It's $475! Like candy from a baby! |
| 46893 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
Andy |
Hey... David Wallace! |
| 46894 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
David |
Andy Bernard! |
| 46895 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
Andy |
Hey, how are you? |
| 46896 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
David |
How you doing, I'm great! How you doing, are you still with Dunder Mifflin? |
| 46897 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
Andy |
No, got canned last week. |
| 46898 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
David |
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. |
| 46899 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
Andy |
No, best thing that ever happened to me. |
| 46900 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
David |
That's the attitude to have. You know what, when I got canned, I was lost, right? I poured myself into this ridiculous vacuum for toys called Suck-It. |
| 46901 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
Andy |
Yikes! |
| 46902 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6956 |
David |
Yeah, exactly right? Then suddenly out of nowhere, the US military bought the patent from me for twenty million dollars! The point is, forget those guys, k? Move on! Good to see you, Andy! |
| 46903 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Nellie |
Call me a lame man, but I wish there was some real food here. You know, like hamburgers... Or Oreos... Or a pizza pie or, what's another food that we like? |
| 46904 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Darryl |
Tacos. |
| 46905 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Nellie |
What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos right now! |
| 46906 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Darryl |
I can go get us some tacos. |
| 46907 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Nellie |
Brilliant! |
| 46908 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Darryl |
If you loan me some money. |
| 46909 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Nellie |
Yes, I can do that. For, um, for two tacos, we'd probably need about what 20... $20? Or $25? $20? |
| 46910 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Darryl |
30 |
| 46911 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6957 |
Nellie |
$30, yes! |
| 46912 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6958 |
Nellie |
I've never eaten a taco. I'm not entirely sure what they are. As long as they're not slimy, and please god don't let them have eyes! |
| 46913 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Oscar |
So? |
| 46914 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Jim |
Boom! |
| 46915 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Oscar |
This is interesting. |
| 46916 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Pam |
Hm-hmm. |
| 46917 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Jim |
what is interesting? I just proved that he gives his cell out to everybody. |
| 46918 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Pam |
Or you proved that he thinks you're gay. |
| 46919 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Oscar |
He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes. |
| 46920 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Pam |
Well, a gay man would not leave the store wearing those shoes! |
| 46921 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6959 |
Jim |
Oh, hey! you bought me those shoes! |
| 46922 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Speaker |
Before we bring out our guest of honor tonight, we are very proud to introduce a great philanthropist and a great guy. Robert California! |
| 46923 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Robert |
Thank you. Why do we love dogs? Want me to tell you why? There is no answer. Our love for them confounds reason! |
| 46924 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
can you believe this guy? |
| 46925 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Robert |
The state senator, Robert Lipton, loves dogs. he asked me if I loved dogs. you know what I said? Yes! |
| 46926 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
Not a joke. That was not even a joke. |
| 46927 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Robert |
Bella here was a therapy dog for ten years. when her owner passed away she came to this organization for placement. But people don't often adopt older dogs, so Bella and eleven heroes like her are being cared for by our generous volunteers because frankly nobody else will |
| 46928 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
I will! I will take all of those dogs! |
| 46929 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Robert |
Andy, that's very kind-- |
| 46930 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
No, no, no. This guy can talk and talk all he wants, but it's not that complicated. |
| 46931 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Robert |
Andy why don't we discuss this at a-- |
| 46932 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
No, no, no, it's about being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around. Hello everyone, I am Andy Bernard and I am going to take that bitch home! That is a female dog reference. This bitch understands loyalty! Sassy human reference thank you, I will take Bella and every single one of her friends! |
| 46933 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Erin |
Oh God! |
| 46934 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Senator |
Mr. Bernard, right this way. |
| 46935 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6960 |
Andy |
Okay! Hope you all learned something! |
| 46936 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6961 |
Vet |
Huey is going to need this medication once every 90 minutes. You can administer it orally, but he's going to puke it up. So, other end is best. Don't split up Daisy and Mojo because daisy will start to, uh... I was going to say bark, but it's more of a scream. |
| 46937 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6961 |
Andy |
I'm so ready to love all of these animals. This one's even bonding with me already. |
| 46938 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6961 |
Vet |
Uh, no. Kenny's a therapy dog. He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis. |
| 46939 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6961 |
Andy |
Stupid dog. |
| 46940 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6962 |
Senator |
Well, if you would like to talk about this some more, my office is always open! So here's my office number, and my cell number. |
| 46941 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6962 |
Meredith |
Thank you! |
| 46942 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6963 |
Pam |
Well, looks like he really did just want to talk about the issues. i'm Sorry Oscar. |
| 46943 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6963 |
Oscar |
sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here. |
| 46944 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6964 |
Oscar |
No. I'm certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster. |
| 46945 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6965 |
Darryl |
Tacos were on sale, eight for $3! |
| 46946 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6965 |
Nellie |
Oh, great! Okay, oh... Oh, these tacos! |
| 46947 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6965 |
Darryl |
Hmhmm. |
| 46948 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6965 |
Nellie |
Mmm! Uhh Mmmm... Oh! Hmmph! |
| 46949 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6966 |
Darryl |
She's trying. |
| 46950 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Speaker |
The winner of the three day trip to the sky top lodge is Dwight Schrute! |
| 46951 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Dwight |
Yes! Thank you! |
| 46952 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Speaker |
The yearlong membership to Scraton-Bikram Yoga is Dwight Schrute! |
| 46953 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Dwight |
Oh yes! Yeah! |
| 46954 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Speaker |
A one hour appointment with the kissing magician goes to Dwight Schrute! |
| 46955 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Dwight |
Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Ha, ha! |
| 46956 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Speaker |
Well, I think I can save us some time, Dwight Schrute has won every single item here! |
| 46957 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Dwight |
Thank you very much! All I had to do was look at the prices, idiots! Suck it! |
| 46958 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Speaker |
Well, Dwight, yes! You certainly are a record breaker! Your donation is the largest we've ever received at over 34 thousand dollars! |
| 46959 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Jim |
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! |
| 46960 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6967 |
Dwight |
Thank you. Wow, I can't tell you what an honor it is to support this thing... And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever. But, I want to ask you something: when did it become all about the money. when did it become about the flower arrangements, and the white wine spritser, hmm? and all the dinner rolls. you people should be ashamed of yourselves! How many courses did we have tonight, two? Three maybe, if you choose the pudding? I mean what waste! these tables tarted up like Victorian whores! lets' remember we are all here for the dog society. He's what's important, whatever his name is. Not any of this. So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and good night! |
| 46961 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6968 |
Senator |
Oscar! |
| 46962 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6968 |
Oscar |
Nice to see you again, it was lovely! |
| 46963 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6968 |
Senator |
It was lovely! And don't forget to call. |
| 46964 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6968 |
Oscar |
okay |
| 46965 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6968 |
Senator |
thanks so much for coming |
| 46966 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6969 |
Oscar |
why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela |
| 46967 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
so it just goes on under here like this? |
| 46968 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Vet |
that's right! |
| 46969 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
Ugh, oh god! |
| 46970 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Vet |
Yeah, you never get used to that. |
| 46971 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Hey, just wanted to check in. See how you are doing. |
| 46972 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
I am so great! |
| 46973 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Erin |
He's great. we're all great. Twelve dogs. This my life now, I'm a dog nurse. |
| 46974 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Look at that one though, he's smiling! |
| 46975 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Vet |
Yeah, he should be! It's his first day without a muzzle. |
| 46976 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me |
| 46977 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Pam |
Absolutely, it's awesome-- |
| 46978 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Yes-- |
| 46979 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Kevin |
I'm sorry, are you guys nuts? He's not doing great! He was fired! This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you, not the best. |
| 46980 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
You're right. he's right, I am a mess. This whole night I've been trying to convince you guys that I'm fine. I guess I thought that if I could convince you that I'm fine, maybe-- |
| 46981 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Vet |
Maybe you would think it too! I'm sorry, it's just I don't get to be in a lot of human conversations. |
| 46982 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Okay well, Andy, listen. It's okay if you don't feel totally settled. This is all very fresh. |
| 46983 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Pam |
Yeah, I mean, admitting you need help is the first step! |
| 46984 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
Yes! And also, focusing on the positive. Like I got a lot of good things going on! |
| 46985 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Yeah! Like that rock opera! You could always do that right? |
| 46986 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
Yeah, I do. I have that. |
| 46987 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Jim |
Yeah |
| 46988 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Erin |
You're going to be alright |
| 46989 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Kevin |
No. No he's not. |
| 46990 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Andy |
Yes, I am! Thank you, Kev! |
| 46991 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6970 |
Kevin |
You're welcome! |
| 46992 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6971 |
Kevin |
Sometimes I feel like every one I work with is an idiot. and by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times! |
| 46993 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Erin |
So some of us ended up adopting those elderly dogs. It's been great! |
| 46994 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Darryl |
Pepper's been getting me out of the house, going on runs. |
| 46995 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Kevin |
My dog Ruby doesn't do anything, she just lays there all day! She's so chill. |
| 46996 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Pam |
What do you feed her? |
| 46997 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Kevin |
Well I put out Pro Bow-Wow, but she barely touches it. She's so dainty! |
| 46998 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Darryl |
Is she sick? How are her poops? |
| 46999 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Kevin |
Doesn't really poop. It's perfect, nothing to pick up! She just kind of lies there all day like a good girl. I put on the TV for her, but I have to prop her eyes open so she can see it. |
| 47000 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Pam |
Does she smell? |
| 47001 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6972 |
Kevin |
She smells horrible. It's unbelievable. But I don't want to put her in the bath, because I'm afraid that she'll drown. |
| 47002 |
8 |
22 |
Fundraiser |
6973 |
Kevin |
People seem awful interested in you Ruby. Guess they're just jealous, right! Yeah, that a girl, that a girl! Man that stinks! |
| 47003 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6974 |
Gabe |
Ugh, man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat. |
| 47004 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6974 |
Dwight |
Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen? There you go boys. See how papa takes care of you? Mwah. |
| 47005 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Gabe |
I remember when people thought biceps were all that. They'd flex them all night at the discotheque. |
| 47006 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Dwight |
Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh? |
| 47007 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Gabe |
Yeah. |
| 47008 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Dwight |
Oh, please. |
| 47009 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Gabe |
Core's critical. There are four tenets of pilates that I live my life by. One ⓠlengthen. Two ⓠelongate. |
| 47010 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6975 |
Jim |
Listen, guys, I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who's the strongest? Well, there's only one way to solve that ⓠflat curl contest. |
| 47011 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Jim |
All right, here we go everybody. May the manliest man win. Go. |
| 47012 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Dwight |
Feast on this, Lewis. |
| 47013 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Gabe |
I love the burn. The burn is where I live. |
| 47014 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Jim |
Come on, Gabe, you can't handle his hamstrings. You're getting hypno-thigh-zed. |
| 47015 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Gabe |
Speed set. One. Two. |
| 47016 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Jim |
Here, this is for your elbows, for your elbows. |
| 47017 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Dwight |
Oh, thank you. |
| 47018 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Jim |
You're welcome. |
| 47019 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Gabe |
Five. Six. |
| 47020 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Jim |
Quick phone call from you guys, keep going, |
| 47021 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
All |
Eight, nine, ten. |
| 47022 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6976 |
Gabe |
We got it? |
| 47023 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Dwight |
Very funny Jim. |
| 47024 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Gabe |
Yeah, Jim. Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies. |
| 47025 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Robert |
Everyone, conference room, now. |
| 47026 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Jim |
All right, easy there, grandpa. |
| 47027 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Dwight |
I don't need your help. |
| 47028 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Jim |
Okay. You don't need my help? |
| 47029 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6977 |
Dwight |
Here, here... Just... |
| 47030 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Andy |
Morning. |
| 47031 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 47032 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Andy |
Somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot... these. |
| 47033 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 47034 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Andy |
You know the only thing more delicious than your feet is the feast that I am going to prepare for everyone. |
| 47035 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Erin |
Andy, if you're gonna hang out for a while, uh... |
| 47036 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Andy |
What's this? |
| 47037 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Erin |
This dumb rule Robert made, he just wants visitors to sign in. |
| 47038 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Andy |
Is this Robert's attempt to embarrass me? |
| 47039 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6978 |
Erin |
No, of course not. It's just ⓠI think it's like if we make an exception for you, then we have to make an exception for the water guy, and then, it's like, where does it end? So just... |
| 47040 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6979 |
Andy |
Why is it when other people spend all their time at the office, they're rewarded for it, and when I do it, I am told it's a little much? ...Is it because I am not an employee anymore, because that's what it feels like. |
| 47041 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
All right, well, enjoy the alumni game. |
| 47042 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Dwight |
Good, we have a deal? |
| 47043 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Thanks Janet. |
| 47044 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Dwight |
Thanks so much Earl. |
| 47045 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Wow, simultaneous sale. |
| 47046 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Dwight |
And they said it couldn't be done. Boom! |
| 47047 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Screw â˜em. |
| 47048 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Andy |
Lot going on guys. What's happening? |
| 47049 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Binghamton branch closed last night and their clients are up for grabs. |
| 47050 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Andy |
That was a fine branch. Things are really bad under Robert California, I guess. It's like a festival of poo. |
| 47051 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Hey, hey, come on, language. |
| 47052 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Dwight |
Yeah, and we're not interested in your sour grapes, okay? Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes. |
| 47053 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
In the fridge. |
| 47054 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Dwight |
No, Jim, the butt, in his butt. |
| 47055 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Sorry, man, I can't focus on zingers. There's too many potential clients. |
| 47056 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Stanley |
You two better watch yourselves. |
| 47057 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, the Syracuse branch can't be happy you're taking New York clients. |
| 47058 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Robert |
Shh... shh... |
| 47059 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Jim |
Robert? |
| 47060 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Oscar |
Why did Binghamton close? |
| 47061 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Robert |
Can everyone just, please... I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and ⓠhow should I say this ⓠColumbian whites. What ⓠwhat is this about, uh, Binghamton? |
| 47062 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6980 |
Kevin |
The branch closed. Forever. |
| 47063 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6981 |
Robert |
Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today. Or, I guess, last night. But, in vino veritas as they say, I'm not gonna start doubting my drunken self now. |
| 47064 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Nellie |
I got your voicemail. From ⓠfrom last night. |
| 47065 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
Wonderful. |
| 47066 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Nellie |
And the answer... is yes, yes, yes, yes, and never. |
| 47067 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
Pam, when's the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn't hold the memories in? |
| 47068 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Pam |
Oh, it was this summer ⓠ|
| 47069 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
Apparently, I left a phone message for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said. |
| 47070 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Pam |
Um, I am a little busy. |
| 47071 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
Yes, â˜course. Why don't you list the things that would keep you from helping me. |
| 47072 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Pam |
Yeah, I can make you a list. |
| 47073 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
Let's do it now. What's number one? |
| 47074 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Pam |
Why don't I help you now? |
| 47075 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Robert |
There we go. |
| 47076 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6982 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 47077 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Harry |
Who the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute? |
| 47078 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Erin |
Jim, Dwight, what are your last names? |
| 47079 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Dwight |
And you are... |
| 47080 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Harry |
Harry Jannerone, Dunder Mifflin Syracuse. |
| 47081 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Harry |
What the hell's all this? |
| 47082 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Andy |
Uh, cherries jubilee over homemade gelato. |
| 47083 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6983 |
Harry |
You live well down here in P.A. I want to talk to you guys right now. Oh, and Lloyd Gross too. Which one's that guy? |
| 47084 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6984 |
Jim |
The salesmen have a commission cap, but we figured out a way around it. |
| 47085 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6984 |
Dwight |
Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to ⓠhow do I put this ⓠsteal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud. |
| 47086 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6984 |
Jim |
Okay, it sounds sketchy, but it helps us get more money. |
| 47087 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6984 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 47088 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6984 |
Jim |
Pam made a drawing of Lloyd. He is a blend of all the salesman. |
| 47089 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6985 |
Dwight |
There he is. That's Lloyd. |
| 47090 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6985 |
Toby |
Me? |
| 47091 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6985 |
Creed |
Yeah, you. |
| 47092 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6986 |
Harry |
Where do you get off crossing state lines? |
| 47093 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6986 |
Toby |
Now, we're actually a lot closer to Binghamton than you are. Kimosabe. |
| 47094 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6987 |
Toby |
I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn't back down from anybody. And he calls people "Kimosabe". |
| 47095 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Harry |
They're New York. We're New York. Sate line is the dividing line. That's the way it's always been. |
| 47096 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Jim |
There's actually not a rule that says that. |
| 47097 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Dwight |
That's true. |
| 47098 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Toby |
That's true. There's no rule. You can check the employee handbook. Oh, can I check the employee handbook Lloyd? Well, does it say anything about me choking a man with my bare hands? |
| 47099 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Toby |
No. |
| 47100 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Dwight |
Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule. I could've choked so many people by now. |
| 47101 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Harry |
Stay out of my state. It's in your best interest to stay out of my state. |
| 47102 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Toby |
I've seen guys like you. Big guys who like to push the little guys around. Lloyd Gross eats bullies like you for breakfast. |
| 47103 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Harry |
Just stay out of New York, Lloyd. |
| 47104 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Toby |
Hey, text from the old wife. Gonna take that. |
| 47105 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Jim |
How about this? How about we just ask Robert? Can we all agree that maybe the C.E.O should decide this? |
| 47106 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Harry |
Robert's here. Look at us. Bickering like schoolgirls, looking around the room for things to hit each other with. I don't think we were doing that. |
| 47107 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6988 |
Dwight |
Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim's leg. |
| 47108 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've hit my limit on the Tylenol ⓠOh. |
| 47109 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Andy |
Sorry, not Jim. |
| 47110 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida? |
| 47111 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Andy |
Message received loud and clear. Just have to get the caramelized sugar off the pan before it dries. |
| 47112 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
Oh, for god ⓠ|
| 47113 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
Robert California. What a surprise you're here in Scranton. |
| 47114 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
Harry... |
| 47115 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
So why would you close Binghamton down without a transition plan in place? |
| 47116 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
How do you mean? |
| 47117 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Andy |
I forgot, a... a pan, uh ⓠ|
| 47118 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
No, no, no, no, no, kid, stay there, do your dishes, go ahead. |
| 47119 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
Harry there is a time for every decision, predetermined many years ago. There's no benefit in questioning why this particular decision seems... so poorly timed. |
| 47120 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Dwight |
Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say. |
| 47121 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
Listen, Robert, I don't have time. There's a big client in play. Prestige direct mail solutions ⓠ|
| 47122 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Dwight |
Don't listen to him. |
| 47123 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
Used to be Binghamton's ⓠ|
| 47124 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Dwight |
Nope. |
| 47125 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
I want it, it's mine. |
| 47126 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Dwight |
Prestige is ours. Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert. |
| 47127 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Harry |
We need you to make a decision. |
| 47128 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Dwight |
Make a decision. |
| 47129 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6989 |
Robert |
I have decided. Neither of you are to have any contact with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client until I have figured out how to divide things up. As Solomon once said... |
| 47130 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6990 |
Andy |
Some bizarre energy in this place today. Robert is going off the rails, making some funky decisions. Like why is nobody gonna call on Prestige? That is a huge client. I mean, they could give their business to the first person to walk in the door. Could be any idiot. Any idiot at all. |
| 47131 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6991 |
Robert |
Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one. |
| 47132 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6992 |
Harry |
Is it just me or is our boss a freakin' weirdo? I'm gonna get some air. |
| 47133 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6992 |
Dwight |
Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first. |
| 47134 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6992 |
Jim |
He's running! |
| 47135 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6992 |
Dwight |
Damn it! |
| 47136 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6992 |
Jim |
Damn it. |
| 47137 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Wha ⓠwhat is this supposed to be? |
| 47138 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
It's a monkey. |
| 47139 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose. |
| 47140 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Hold on, hold on. Is this him? |
| 47141 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 47142 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Is that him? |
| 47143 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
It's him! Do something! Get out! |
| 47144 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
What? What am I gonna do? I don't ⓠ|
| 47145 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. That's it? Oh, that's great. That's like a five second delay. |
| 47146 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Dwight! |
| 47147 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Come on, let's go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the nos. |
| 47148 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Nos? You mean like in fast and furious? |
| 47149 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 47150 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah, definitely have nos. |
| 47151 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Hit the nos. |
| 47152 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Are you sure? |
| 47153 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 47154 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
Brace yourself. 3... 2... |
| 47155 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Dwight |
Got it. Go. |
| 47156 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6993 |
Jim |
1. Here we go! |
| 47157 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Andy |
Hello. Andy Bernard to see the C.E.O. |
| 47158 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Receptionist |
Oh, do you have an appointment? |
| 47159 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Andy |
No, I do not. |
| 47160 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Receptionist |
Okay, I think I can squeeze you in. |
| 47161 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Andy |
Seriously? â˜Cause I could just be anyone. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to convince you. |
| 47162 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Receptionist |
He's really not that busy. |
| 47163 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Mr. Ramish |
Is there someone here to see me? |
| 47164 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Receptionist |
Yes, this man. |
| 47165 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6994 |
Mr. Ramish |
Come on in. |
| 47166 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6995 |
Pam |
So...what do you make of this Robert California guy? I mean, what does a guy like that do on an average weeknight? |
| 47167 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6995 |
Nellie |
Oh. Oh, I'll tell you what he does. |
| 47168 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6995 |
Angela |
Hello! Hello, my clucking hens. Got room for another in the roost? Huh? Don't worry, I won't lay an egg. |
| 47169 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6996 |
Angela |
Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If? |
| 47170 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6997 |
Angela |
I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk. |
| 47171 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6997 |
Gabe |
Did someone say girl talk? |
| 47172 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6998 |
Gabe |
Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk. |
| 47173 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6999 |
Gabe |
Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines. |
| 47174 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6999 |
Nellie |
Do you think I'd like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish? |
| 47175 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
6999 |
Gabe |
Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. It'll be upsetting if you don't. |
| 47176 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Andy |
I'm a former paper executive. I know the product. I know the margins. I can save you 25% on your costs. |
| 47177 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Mr. Ramish |
Why haven't I heard of you? You got any references? |
| 47178 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Andy |
No. I'm a rogue. |
| 47179 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Mr. Ramish |
Uh-huh. |
| 47180 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Andy |
Which is the best part. That means you will be my first customer and your business will get 100% of my attention. Now... I have written down my personal phone number. You call this anytime. |
| 47181 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Mr. Ramish |
Every salesman I've ever met has given me his personal phone number. |
| 47182 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Andy |
Of course they have. Which is why I'm giving you a key to my house. Whatever you need ⓠanytime, night or day ⓠyou just stop on by. |
| 47183 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Mr. Ramish |
You want me to drive to your house if I need paper. |
| 47184 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7000 |
Andy |
Maybe you just want someone to talk to. Maybe... you need a place to crash for a couple of days. My wireless password is eat pray love. Easy to remember. |
| 47185 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. |
| 47186 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
Ahhh! |
| 47187 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
You all right? |
| 47188 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Oh. |
| 47189 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
Ah! |
| 47190 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
Dwight, what are you doing? |
| 47191 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
Go, go! Take the stairs! Now! |
| 47192 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? |
| 47193 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
Just run! Take the stairs! |
| 47194 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
I don't even know where the stairs are! |
| 47195 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
I'll stall him. Go! |
| 47196 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
God! |
| 47197 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Harry |
What are you doing? |
| 47198 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We'll be stuck between floors for hours. Oh. My pants fell down. |
| 47199 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Jim |
What? |
| 47200 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7001 |
Dwight |
My pants fell down! I don't have a belt! |
| 47201 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Dwight |
Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. |
| 47202 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Mr. Ramish |
What's going on? |
| 47203 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Dwight |
Well ⓠ|
| 47204 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Harry |
Mr. Ramish, Harry Jannerone. Dunder Mifflin, Syracuse ⓠ|
| 47205 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Dwight |
I was here first. |
| 47206 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Mr. Ramish |
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. |
| 47207 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Dwight |
I already made an appointment... with your secretary. |
| 47208 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Mr. Ramish |
Let me stop you all right here. I've already picked a new paper supplier. |
| 47209 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Dwight |
Wait, it's not D.M Utica, is it? |
| 47210 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Mr. Ramish |
No, no, it's not Dunder Mifflin at all actually. It's... Big Red Paper Company. |
| 47211 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Jim |
Big Red Paper Company? |
| 47212 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7002 |
Mr. Ramish |
Mm-hmm. |
| 47213 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7003 |
Andy |
Yes, yes, yes! |
| 47214 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Harry |
Give me a cup of coffee. |
| 47215 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Dwight |
Me too. Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst? |
| 47216 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Jim |
All right, guys. It didn't work out for any of us, so... we're still on the same team. Let me get these. |
| 47217 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Dwight |
No. Let him get his own. It's Syracuse money. |
| 47218 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Harry |
You know, your partner's got a lotta attitude. But I like that. How long you guys been dating? |
| 47219 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Dwight |
Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years. |
| 47220 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Jim |
But you're saying there's a chance. |
| 47221 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7004 |
Dwight |
Shut up. |
| 47222 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 47223 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Hmm. |
| 47224 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
I stole Nellie's phone. |
| 47225 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Excellent. Excellent. Though troubling that your first instinct is thievery. |
| 47226 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
What do you want from me? |
| 47227 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Now we get to the bottom of Nellie's "yes, yes, yes, yes, never." |
| 47228 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Phone |
Hi, Nell, it's mom. Do keep your chin up. It can't be as bad as you described. |
| 47229 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Oh yes it can. |
| 47230 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Phone |
This is MasterCard. You are over the limit. Send the minimum payment of $448 by Monday, or we will be forced to send it to collections. |
| 47231 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Shopaholic. |
| 47232 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
Sounds like it. |
| 47233 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Yeah. |
| 47234 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Phone |
Hi, sis. Is your boss still hitting on you? |
| 47235 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Ah. |
| 47236 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Phone |
This is Annie from second nests. I'm sorry, but the Romanian orphanage felt more comfortable with a two-person nuclear family than a single mother, so, we're gonna hold out for that. |
| 47237 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
Okay, that's enough. |
| 47238 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Pam, we need to get to the bottom of this. |
| 47239 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
No, no, no! |
| 47240 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
No, come on. |
| 47241 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
Robert! Okay, oops! I deleted them all. They're all deleted. |
| 47242 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Robert |
Pam, Pam, you've completely bungled this! |
| 47243 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7005 |
Pam |
Ah. Ahh. |
| 47244 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 47245 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Can I do it, Pam? Can I put off a gold Arabian sandal? |
| 47246 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
Um... yes. Definitely. With your hair ⓠ|
| 47247 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Oh! |
| 47248 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
Certainly. Um... you dropped your cell phone. |
| 47249 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Oh, gosh. |
| 47250 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 47251 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Thank you. I'm... so stupid. |
| 47252 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
No. My goodness. You have a lot going on. With Robert and everything. |
| 47253 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Oh, god, Pam. Don't get me started. |
| 47254 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
No, I will not. |
| 47255 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
You've just got me started. Robert... is... a filthy beast. I mean, don't you get the feeling, he's just thinking of fifteen different ways to do you? |
| 47256 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
Well ⓠ|
| 47257 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
I mean, the man talks of nothing but s*x. |
| 47258 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
But sometimes he talks about flesh... and bacchanals. |
| 47259 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
I cannot even tell you what he left on my phone last night. |
| 47260 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Pam |
No... don't. Just put it out of your mind. |
| 47261 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Pam, what is your address? I'm gonna send you a pair of these gold harem shoes. Oh, no. You don't ⓠ|
| 47262 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7006 |
Nellie |
Oh yes. Come on, a little gold Arabian slipper. |
| 47263 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7007 |
Nellie |
Things are looking up. I might be a mother soon. I have MasterCard right where I want them. And... I have a new friend. A friend. At work. |
| 47264 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Robert |
Erin. |
| 47265 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Erin |
There's a call for you on line one. |
| 47266 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Robert |
Who is it? |
| 47267 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Erin |
He says salvation. No last name. |
| 47268 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Robert |
Yeah, hello? |
| 47269 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
You once put me on a list of the losers in the office. Well, this loser just got your biggest client to give him all their business. So hire me back, that business is yours. Don't, and I will find another buyer. |
| 47270 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Robert |
You're blackmailing me. |
| 47271 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
It's just business. |
| 47272 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Robert |
Ah, well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the *bleep* lizard king. |
| 47273 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
Whoa. Well I gave him a chance. |
| 47274 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
David |
Andy Bernard. |
| 47275 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
You got a minute? |
| 47276 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
David |
Um... I'm in the middle of a piano lesson. |
| 47277 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
I wanted to see if I could interest you in an investment. Dunder Mifflin. |
| 47278 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
David |
Dunder Mifflin. Now... why would I want that? It's worth half of what it was three years ago. |
| 47279 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
Andy |
Exactly. And you know better than anyone that with the right management it could be worth twice what you would pay for it today. |
| 47280 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7008 |
David |
Why don't you come in? |
| 47281 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Harry |
So what would you do if you weren't selling paper? |
| 47282 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Jim |
Oh, man, I'd have to sell beets. Probably submit them for competitions. |
| 47283 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 47284 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Jim |
Yeah! I know it sounds stupid, but nationals has always kinda been a dream of mine. |
| 47285 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Dwight |
How have we never talked about this before? Wait. You don't even care about nationals. |
| 47286 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Harry |
Nothing? |
| 47287 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Jim |
I don't know. I've always wanted to own a bike shop, but what about you? |
| 47288 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Harry |
I'd like to sell one big thing, you know? Like... a plane. One sale, I'm out. |
| 47289 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Jim |
That sounds lovely. |
| 47290 |
8 |
23 |
Turf War |
7009 |
Harry |
Anyway, Robert's gonna run this company into the ground, so... We won't be doing this in six months. |
| 47291 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um- |
| 47292 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Phyllis |
What's he doing? |
| 47293 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Dwight |
He's searching out younger gays. |
| 47294 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Phyllis |
Oh. |
| 47295 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead. |
| 47296 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Dwight |
...with you. |
| 47297 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I- |
| 47298 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Kelly |
Just keep chatting. I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam. |
| 47299 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
Do you not own a mirror? |
| 47300 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Kelly |
Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies. |
| 47301 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Pam |
I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things. |
| 47302 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Kelly |
I'm throwing out all my mirrors. |
| 47303 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple- |
| 47304 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Robert |
No, I'm sorry, I just can't sit idly by and have the gay youth of America misled by some reductionist- |
| 47305 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
It's not misleading. |
| 47306 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Robert |
-pep talk. Sexuality is a spectrum. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as "normal." It gets better but it also gets vastly more complicated. |
| 47307 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Kevin |
Hey, Robert, that guy, he looks just like you. Ooh! |
| 47308 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Robert |
Ow! Damn it, Kevin! God! |
| 47309 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Dwight |
You okay, Robert? |
| 47310 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Robert |
Fine. |
| 47311 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Dwight |
Put some ice on it. |
| 47312 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7010 |
Oscar |
In any case, it gets better. Maybe- maybe not much better... but better. |
| 47313 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7011 |
Sasha |
One, two, three! |
| 47314 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7012 |
Dwight |
I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, "muffin basket." Then I thought, "What's even more precious to people than muffins?" |
| 47315 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7013 |
Jake |
Can you just smile, please? |
| 47316 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7013 |
Meredith |
I don't want to! |
| 47317 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7014 |
Dwight |
...their own children. |
| 47318 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7015 |
Dwight |
Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel? |
| 47319 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7015 |
Angela |
No thank you. |
| 47320 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7015 |
Dwight |
Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them. |
| 47321 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7015 |
Jim |
I know why you're doing this, Dwight. |
| 47322 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7016 |
Jim |
Last week, I may have gone too far. I'll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away Velcro. And... you can fill in the rest. |
| 47323 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7017 |
Dwight |
Wha-? Damn it, Jim! |
| 47324 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7018 |
Jim |
Now he's trying to get me to bring my children in to work. I think it's fair to be cautious. |
| 47325 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
Let me get this straight. You lost all of it. All your winnings. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars. |
| 47326 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Hide |
Bad economy. Bad investment. |
| 47327 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
You mean to tell me no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals? |
| 47328 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Calvin |
They did not. |
| 47329 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
And you got half a million of these? Well I gotta try it. |
| 47330 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Calvin |
I wouldn't. |
| 47331 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
Aw, come on. What's the harm? Mmm. What flavor was that? |
| 47332 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Hide |
Coconut pen1s. |
| 47333 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
The coconut's pretty subtle. |
| 47334 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Calvin |
Come on, man. Can't you just give us a yes or a no? |
| 47335 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7019 |
Darryl |
I don't know, man. Y'all quit with a lot of confidence. I mean, it was like, y'all came up in here dancing and everybody was- ooh, hold on a second. Oh. |
| 47336 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7020 |
Darryl |
If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon. Then I would date the hell out of me. I wouldn't give in to me too fast, let me buy myself some nice dinners and such. But when I finally did give in, I would go crazy on myself. |
| 47337 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Hi guys. |
| 47338 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Jim |
How's it going, man? |
| 47339 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
I'm- I'm good, thank you. And how are you? |
| 47340 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Jim |
Great, yeah, good. |
| 47341 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Gabe |
Oh, how the mediocre have fallen. |
| 47342 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
Oh God. |
| 47343 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Look, I'm not here to get my old job back. I had my opportunity, I blew it, I'm moving on. I just wanted to come in here and literally beg you for something, anything. I will sweep the floors, water the plants... |
| 47344 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
No, you don't understand- |
| 47345 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Clean the toilets. |
| 47346 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
I don't need anyone to- |
| 47347 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Pull the poop out of the toilets. |
| 47348 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
That's not even a thing. |
| 47349 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Just, please... |
| 47350 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
Andy. |
| 47351 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Please! |
| 47352 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
Andy. |
| 47353 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Give me something! |
| 47354 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
Why don't you clean the carpets for today? |
| 47355 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 47356 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
You're welcome. Up you get then. Pick yourself up. There it is. |
| 47357 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 47358 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7021 |
Nellie |
You don't need to- |
| 47359 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7022 |
Andy |
I have a delicious secret. |
| 47360 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7023 |
Creed |
Good, good. This carpet's overdue for a good mopping. |
| 47361 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7023 |
Jim |
Is a mop the most efficient tool to use on a carpet? |
| 47362 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7023 |
Andy |
Yeah, it is actually. |
| 47363 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7024 |
Andy |
Mmm, I can't hold it in any longer. Um, I am faking this, okay? Because I convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre. And at three o'clock today he's gonna walk in here and reinstate me as manager. |
| 47364 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
Family picture! |
| 47365 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
Pam? No! |
| 47366 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
What? Honey, we talked about this. |
| 47367 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
No, we talked about not bringing them in to Dwight's photo studio slash trap. |
| 47368 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
Yes, and then we decided that was crazy. |
| 47369 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it. |
| 47370 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
No, we settled in a much more rational place, remember? |
| 47371 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 47372 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child. |
| 47373 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
But are you a hundred percent sure? I don't think any of us are. |
| 47374 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
No, no. |
| 47375 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
Nope. |
| 47376 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
But it's free. And we'll keep our eye on them. |
| 47377 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
That's- |
| 47378 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 47379 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
That's- |
| 47380 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Pam |
And we'll make sure Dwight doesn't do anything C-R-A-Z-Y. |
| 47381 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 47382 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7025 |
Kevin |
Wait, C-R-A-Z... |
| 47383 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Dwight |
Great, right up there. |
| 47384 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 47385 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Yeah. You just sit right here. Here we go. |
| 47386 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 47387 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Alright. Why don't you just- |
| 47388 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
Oh, great. Thank you. |
| 47389 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
#NAME? |
| 47390 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 47391 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
This is great. |
| 47392 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
You ready? |
| 47393 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Excuse me. |
| 47394 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
There we go. |
| 47395 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Just do it. |
| 47396 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
I'll just stand here? |
| 47397 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Yeah, just keep your eye on Dwight, great. |
| 47398 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Photographer |
Sir, could you look into the camera? |
| 47399 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Let's do it, shoot it. |
| 47400 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Photographer |
Sir. |
| 47401 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Great. |
| 47402 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Dwight |
Up here. |
| 47403 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 47404 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Dwight |
Jim, right here, right here. Okay, good. |
| 47405 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Jim |
Oh, so that's it? |
| 47406 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Dwight |
That's it. |
| 47407 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Pam |
See? That wasn't so hard. |
| 47408 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7026 |
Dwight |
Cute kids, thanks for coming. |
| 47409 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Senator Lipton |
Hello, Erin. Hello, everybody. |
| 47410 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Angela |
Uh, what? Why? Uh, hi honey. What- how are you doing? |
| 47411 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Senator Lipton |
Hi, you know, my office got a call that they were shooting family portraits right here. And if there's one thing that every politician instinctively understands, it's a good photo op. |
| 47412 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 47413 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Angela |
Heh. |
| 47414 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Erin |
Okay, you're going to go through the hallway. Here's a map. And if you get lost, just follow the blue line. |
| 47415 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7027 |
Senator Lipton |
Thanks. |
| 47416 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7028 |
Dwight |
Well, well, well. Senator Lipton, welcome. Angela. |
| 47417 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7028 |
Angela |
Dwight. |
| 47418 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7028 |
Dwight |
Nice to see you. May I hold him? |
| 47419 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7028 |
Senator Lipton |
Sure. |
| 47420 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7028 |
Angela |
No. I am going to hold him because I haven't seen him all day. |
| 47421 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7029 |
Angela |
I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to, um, get a sample of my baby's DNA to prove he's the father. Which... is impossible... because the senator is the only man I've ever been with. |
| 47422 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7030 |
Angela |
See the duckie! |
| 47423 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7030 |
Dwight |
Okay, hold on for a second, folks. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place. |
| 47424 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7030 |
Senator Lipton |
Oh, thank you. |
| 47425 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7030 |
Angela |
No. No. I like the baby's hair the way it is. |
| 47426 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7030 |
Dwight |
Really? |
| 47427 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7031 |
Andy |
This is getting more and more delicious by the minute. It's go time. |
| 47428 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7032 |
Andy |
Hey Nellie, I made soup - I made you some soup. |
| 47429 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7032 |
Nellie |
Well, I don't want any soup. |
| 47430 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7032 |
Andy |
But it's really good- Oh! |
| 47431 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7032 |
Nellie |
Oh come on, Andy! |
| 47432 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7033 |
Erin |
I know this is going to be a great payoff. |
| 47433 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7033 |
Andy |
A delicious moment. |
| 47434 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7033 |
Erin |
But after you're manager, some of these images are going to be hard to shake. |
| 47435 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7033 |
Andy |
Well, but it- |
| 47436 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7033 |
Erin |
Just calibrate. Okay? Calibrate. |
| 47437 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Dwight |
Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench in the works, but I want everything to be perfect and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me- |
| 47438 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Angela |
Uh-uh, leave us alone. |
| 47439 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Senator Lipton |
I guess we're okay with the fingernails. |
| 47440 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Dwight |
Okay, great. Suit yourself. Although, are those excess skin cells on the baby's cheek distracting to you as well? |
| 47441 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Angela |
Dwight, we're fine! |
| 47442 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Senator Lipton |
Oopsie, did somebody make a boopsie? |
| 47443 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Angela |
Oh no. |
| 47444 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Senator Lipton |
I'm just gonna take him out and change him just for a second. |
| 47445 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Dwight |
He defecated, aw. |
| 47446 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7034 |
Senator Lipton |
You're stinky. |
| 47447 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
A lot has changed since y'all left, okay? You're gonna have to jump through some hoops. And the new foreman is here. Now she's one of the best we've ever known, okay? So I need you to show her your upmost respect. Make sure she feels welcome and at home, okay? Can you do that? |
| 47448 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
That's some pretty blatant complementing you're doing there, man. I don't even talk to her like that. |
| 47449 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Val |
Uh, Brandon? |
| 47450 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
I would. |
| 47451 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
You would? |
| 47452 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 47453 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
Sounds like you're trying to hit on my girlfriend. |
| 47454 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Val |
Calm down, he's not. |
| 47455 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
Yes, I am. Just so everyone's on the same page. |
| 47456 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
So you really think she's gonna leave a guy who owns his own restaurant for a dude who ate his own restaurant? |
| 47457 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Val |
Brandon! |
| 47458 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
Good slam. |
| 47459 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
Thank you, Biggie. |
| 47460 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Darryl |
Good luck to you. |
| 47461 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7035 |
Brandon |
Oh, and have a burger for me. |
| 47462 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7036 |
Senator Lipton |
Okay, shall we take a few more? |
| 47463 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7036 |
Angela |
I think we have all the shots we need. Thank you, Dwight. |
| 47464 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7036 |
Senator Lipton |
Okay. There we go. |
| 47465 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7037 |
Angela |
No! Dwight! Give me the diaper! Dwight! |
| 47466 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7038 |
Dwight |
Is this what you were looking for? Huh? Huh? |
| 47467 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Toby |
Andy, we wanted to talk to you. A lot of us are very concerned about you. |
| 47468 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Nellie |
You're dirty, you stink of booze, you're limping inexplicably. |
| 47469 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
I just want you guys not to worry. 'Cause old Andy's gonna be just fine. |
| 47470 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Jim |
No, no, see? This is what we're talking about. I mean, what was that accent? And last time I checked, you were drunk and now you're not drunk... |
| 47471 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Erin |
No, unfortunately it's true. He's been a nightmare. And the worst part is, he's been taking it out on me. |
| 47472 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Nellie |
What? |
| 47473 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Pam |
You hit her? |
| 47474 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
No. That is not the deal. Calibrate. |
| 47475 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Erin |
He's not hitting me. But, he's been verbally abusing me- |
| 47476 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
That's not true either! That's also total- Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest. |
| 47477 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Gabe |
Happy birthday to Gabe! |
| 47478 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Nellie |
Oh, get out, skeleton man! |
| 47479 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Toby |
I can refer you to someone to talk to. |
| 47480 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
Huh? Hold on. |
| 47481 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Toby |
Give you a name or- |
| 47482 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
I just gonna- quick- Hello? Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close? What? No. no, no, no, no, no. You have to come now. Traffic clears? No, next Friday... that's not gonna work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Damn it! Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted, but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys. Not only am I not a lowly janitor, I am the regional manager once again! Guys, I got my old job back! |
| 47483 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Jim |
Oh boy. |
| 47484 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Pam |
Oh, Andy. |
| 47485 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 47486 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
I'm not crazy. I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back. |
| 47487 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Oscar |
David Wallace hasn't worked here in years. |
| 47488 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
Okay, yes, I see the confusion. I saw David at the fundraiser. He is now a multi-millionaire because he sold his toy vacuum "Suck It" to the U.S. military. |
| 47489 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Jim |
Andy, come on. |
| 47490 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Kevin |
Even I know that's weird. |
| 47491 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
I- I- Okay, I get how that sounds crazy. |
| 47492 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Toby |
Hey, Andy, Nobody's calling you crazy, Andy. We're your friends, Andy. |
| 47493 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
Stop saying my name. |
| 47494 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Erin |
No, he's not making this up. |
| 47495 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
Thank you, Erin. |
| 47496 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Erin |
Andy tells me about seeing David Wallace all the time. |
| 47497 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Pam |
But have you ever actually seen him yourself? |
| 47498 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Erin |
Oh my God. |
| 47499 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Andy |
Erin, come- Come on. You know I've been talking to David Wallace. |
| 47500 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7039 |
Toby |
Do you see David Wallace in the room right now? |
| 47501 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7040 |
Dwight |
Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready. |
| 47502 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7041 |
Kelly |
Now you look at me like you're adoring me, I'm gonna look at the camera like I don't even know you're there. |
| 47503 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7041 |
Ravi |
I do adore you. |
| 47504 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Robert |
Andrew, it's time for you to go home. You're better than this. |
| 47505 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
Yeah, I know. |
| 47506 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Robert |
Everyone's better than this, because this is the worst thing I have ever seen. Why'd they add coconut? I miss original. |
| 47507 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 47508 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Others |
Hey! |
| 47509 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Hey guys, long time. |
| 47510 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Pam |
David, what are you doing here? |
| 47511 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Phyllis |
Is it true you're buying the company? |
| 47512 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Okay, I guess the word is out. Uh, please keep this a secret, but yes, I've been talking with Andy- |
| 47513 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
What? Thought I heard my name. What? I'm the new manager? |
| 47514 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
I'll get to that in a second, Andy. |
| 47515 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
But it's- it is- it is me? Right? |
| 47516 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Yes, as we've discussed- |
| 47517 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
What? |
| 47518 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
But it's very possible- |
| 47519 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
Oh my God! |
| 47520 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Probable. |
| 47521 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
Wow. From janitor to manager? |
| 47522 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Yep. |
| 47523 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
That's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to M-V-P. |
| 47524 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
There's an official announcement, a few details to be- |
| 47525 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Andy |
From total loss to total boss, I mean- |
| 47526 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
Stanley |
Can we expect any payroll interruptions? |
| 47527 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7042 |
David |
Now that is a great question, Stanley. Right now I think all your operations or most of your operations are pretty much down in Florida, so to shift back up- |
| 47528 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7043 |
Andy |
I was so looking forward to that and it did not... go as I thought it would. |
| 47529 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Phyllis |
So we're not gonna be a part of Sabre anymore? |
| 47530 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
David |
Actually, nothing is gonna be a part of Sabre anymore. Jo Bennett's planning on liquidating the rest of the company. |
| 47531 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Robert |
Oof. Wouldn't wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. I'm actually the CEO. |
| 47532 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
David |
Ah, I didn't realize you were standing there. |
| 47533 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Robert |
Hey, my friend, trust me. This is for the best. I never understood that corporate mess. |
| 47534 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
David |
Well, okay. Great to meet you. |
| 47535 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Robert |
Likewise, I'm Bob. Bob Kazamakis. |
| 47536 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
David |
Pleasure. |
| 47537 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Robert |
I'd love to give you a little rundown on what I've learned about this place. |
| 47538 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
David |
That's very gracious of you, Bob. I would love that. |
| 47539 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Robert |
Please. |
| 47540 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Andy |
Guess I'd better take off these dirty rags. Figure out how to be a manager of this place. |
| 47541 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Jim |
Perhaps your year of experience managing this branch will come in handy. |
| 47542 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7044 |
Andy |
Gosh, I hope so. |
| 47543 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7045 |
Angela |
No! God, Mose! God! |
| 47544 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7045 |
Mose |
Hi, Angela. |
| 47545 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7045 |
Angela |
Get out of the car! Get out! Where is he? |
| 47546 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7045 |
Mose |
I'm not supposed to say. |
| 47547 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7045 |
Angela |
Yes! Tell me! Tell me where he is! Mose, damn it! Where did he go? Mose! Get back here! |
| 47548 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7046 |
Darryl |
Let's see that smile. Go on. |
| 47549 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7046 |
Val |
Right here? |
| 47550 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7046 |
Darryl |
Cool. |
| 47551 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7047 |
Andy |
Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all. |
| 47552 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Nellie |
May I say one thing? |
| 47553 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Andy |
It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind. |
| 47554 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Nellie |
The quality of mercy is not strained. |
| 47555 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Andy |
No. |
| 47556 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Nellie |
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. |
| 47557 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Andy |
Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card? |
| 47558 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7048 |
Nellie |
It blesseth he who gives and he who takes. 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest. |
| 47559 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7049 |
Andy |
I just want one mother delicious moment. Is that too much to ask? |
| 47560 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7050 |
Andy |
If I were to hire you back. If. What do you think you would do well? |
| 47561 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7050 |
Nellie |
Special projects manager, that's my background. I just go around doing whatever I want. |
| 47562 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7050 |
Andy |
All right, you sly b*st*rd. When can you start? |
| 47563 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
David |
Okay everyone. I had a conversation with Bob, and since I am going to be CEO now there'll be no need for him. |
| 47564 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Meredith |
Ouch. That's gotta hurt! |
| 47565 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
David |
But, he is going to be making so much money from the liquidation, he's gonna be freed up to do something much more important. |
| 47566 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Robert |
David has generously offered to donate one million dollars in matching funds to a cause that's very dear to me. So, for the next three years, I'll be travelling overseas, concentrating all of my efforts on educating- mentoring, some African, some Asian, but mainly Eastern European women. |
| 47567 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
David |
I had no idea how pervasive this problem was until Bob explained it to me. |
| 47568 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Robert |
Oprah Winfrey's leadership academy and other schools like it, while wonderful, end with high school. I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom. |
| 47569 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Andy |
Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts? |
| 47570 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Robert |
Yeah, so I'm hoping to identify some truly exceptional women who show great promise. Well, Andy, it's been fun. |
| 47571 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Andy |
Mm. Mm-hmm. |
| 47572 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7051 |
Robert |
It's been a great year. |
| 47573 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 47574 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Angela |
Where is it? |
| 47575 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Dwight |
They're testing it now. |
| 47576 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Angela |
How long does it take to get the results? |
| 47577 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Dwight |
Seventy-two hours. |
| 47578 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Angela |
You're gonna wait here? |
| 47579 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 47580 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7052 |
Angela |
Dwight, I can't do this. Dwight! |
| 47581 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7053 |
Senator Lipton |
Hey. |
| 47582 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7053 |
Oscar |
Senator Lipton. Hey, how are you? |
| 47583 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7053 |
Senator Lipton |
You didn't call. |
| 47584 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7053 |
Oscar |
Um, well, uh, the issue that I- that concerned me... |
| 47585 |
8 |
24 |
Free Family Portrait Studio |
7053 |
Senator Lipton |
You know what this is about. Call. |
| 47586 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7054 |
Erin |
Andy's coming back today! Andy's coming back today! Ha! Andy's coming back today. David Wallace sent him on an outward bound wilderness adventure for a whole month to make him more decisive and confident. He sent his own son too. And the counselors said they both grew up, big time. |
| 47587 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7055 |
Dwight |
How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news. |
| 47588 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7056 |
Doctor |
Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You are not the father. |
| 47589 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7056 |
Angela |
I told you |
| 47590 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7057 |
Kevin |
Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. |
| 47591 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7058 |
Oscar |
That piece doesn't go there. |
| 47592 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7059 |
Kevin |
So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already day. Probably when I ran over him the first time. |
| 47593 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Pam |
For us, um, nothing new, really the kids are great. |
| 47594 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Jim |
You are really good at modesty. She's a genius. She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room. There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 childrenâ |
| 47595 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Pam |
Kay, well, you had that interesting thing. |
| 47596 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah |
| 47597 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Pam |
Yes, Jim's friend is starting anew company based on this idea Jim had when they were back in college. |
| 47598 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Jim |
Its sports marketing basically. But the athletes are partners. |
| 47599 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Pam |
And he wanted Jim to be a part of it too. |
| 47600 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Jim |
In Philly, so, that doesn't really work for the family. Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea. |
| 47601 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Pam |
He said if it takes off he's gonna buy us a new car. |
| 47602 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7060 |
Jim |
An Altima or better. |
| 47603 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7061 |
Toby |
Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university. |
| 47604 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7061 |
Kelly |
I don't need em anymore. I am going to Miami biotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan. |
| 47605 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7062 |
Toby |
iami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it |
| 47606 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7063 |
Kelly |
Enjoy the snow losers. |
| 47607 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7063 |
Erin |
I'm so happy for you Kelly. |
| 47608 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7064 |
Toby |
Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons. |
| 47609 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7065 |
Ryan |
I've actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. It's a big university town. And, uh, that's not garbage, it's out clothes. |
| 47610 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Pam |
And that was our summer. |
| 47611 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Jim |
we good? |
| 47612 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Off-camera |
Yeah |
| 47613 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Pam |
Don't you guys have everything. I mean, its just a paper company. |
| 47614 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Off-camera |
Well we're more following you guys, to see how you turn out. |
| 47615 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7066 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah, because we were kind of dramatic in the beginning. Well I don't think anything's gonna change in our lives now. With work and two kids there's just-nothing interesting is going to happen for us in a long, long time. |
| 47616 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7067 |
Erin |
Andy's coming back today! |
| 47617 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7068 |
Clark |
Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out? |
| 47618 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7068 |
Stanley |
Oh, my god. It's called a garbage can. |
| 47619 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7068 |
Phyllis |
Helpless. |
| 47620 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7069 |
Toby |
There's two new guys back there with me now. They're in their 20s. And we really get along. |
| 47621 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7070 |
Clark |
You're looking good. |
| 47622 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7071 |
Toby |
Just three single guys. Getting into trouble. |
| 47623 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7072 |
Stanley |
They're like the new Jim and Dwight. |
| 47624 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7072 |
Nellie |
Oh, yes, yes I see that! Perfect. |
| 47625 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7072 |
Meredith |
Hey, new Jim, come sit on my face. |
| 47626 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7072 |
Pete |
No thank you. My name's Pete. |
| 47627 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7073 |
Jim |
No, Pete is not the new Jim. The only we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim. |
| 47628 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Erin |
Andy's here! Old Dwight, new Dwight, Andy's here. New Jim, Tuna, Andy's here. Pam, he's here. |
| 47629 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
Hey! Wow, I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it'll change you. The things we think we need. Clocks, yeah right! |
| 47630 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Nellie |
It sounds amazing, tell us all about it. |
| 47631 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
What're you still doing here? |
| 47632 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Nellie |
Wonderful, thanks. |
| 47633 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
You know I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died. |
| 47634 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Nellie |
Brilliant. |
| 47635 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
See me in my office later. The new guys, alright. It's Clark and, umâ |
| 47636 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Pete |
Pete! |
| 47637 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
In Outward Bound it was all about nicknames. They called me Iceman. You will be called Plop. |
| 47638 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Pete |
What? Why? |
| 47639 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
Cause you're always taking dumps. |
| 47640 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Pete |
No I'm not. |
| 47641 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop. And you will be called Fart cause you fart all the time. |
| 47642 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Clark |
I love it. |
| 47643 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Darryl |
Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight, Jr. |
| 47644 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Clark |
No, I prefer Fart. |
| 47645 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
No, Dwight Jr. Infinitely better. You guys look exactly alike. Dwight go stand next to him. This is insane. |
| 47646 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Dwight |
I don't see it. |
| 47647 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Clark |
I don't either. |
| 47648 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
Whoa! Mind blown. It's like father and son! Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr? |
| 47649 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Dwight |
Yes, yes I am. |
| 47650 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7074 |
Andy |
Dwight, Jr! |
| 47651 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7075 |
Dwight |
In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson. |
| 47652 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7076 |
Angela |
Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption. |
| 47653 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7076 |
Kevin |
The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked? |
| 47654 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7077 |
Kevin |
Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin. |
| 47655 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Angela |
No, the one with the long hair and the denim pants, Comstock! Ok, look . He's such a special kitty. I just want to find him a good home. He loves those pants |
| 47656 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Kevin |
I'll take him. |
| 47657 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Angela |
Please, after the turtle? |
| 47658 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Kevin |
I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle! |
| 47659 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Angela |
Oscar, Oscar, will you take him? |
| 47660 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Oscar |
No, I'm a dog person. |
| 47661 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Angela |
If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person. |
| 47662 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7078 |
Oscar |
Those guys always change back, Angela. |
| 47663 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Andy |
David, outward bound was incredible. I was the best at slack lining, I ate a worm. |
| 47664 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
David |
Glad to hear it. You sound very confident and decisive. |
| 47665 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Toby |
Hey you wanted to see me? |
| 47666 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Andy |
Yeah, I gotta go David. Why is Nellie still here? |
| 47667 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Toby |
You can only fire Nellie for cause. |
| 47668 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Andy |
Mm, then I will make up a cause. |
| 47669 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Toby |
Except you just told me you were gonna make it up. Now if she sues, I have to testify against you. |
| 47670 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Andy |
Then forget I just told you that. |
| 47671 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Toby |
Can't. I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy. I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brook. She had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean? |
| 47672 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7079 |
Andy |
Now I know why Michael hated you so much. |
| 47673 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Good boy, getting big and strong. Snack foods! |
| 47674 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Yep, body by Cheez-it |
| 47675 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Ah, humor. I have it too. I have a couple tickets to the slayer concert 10 months from now. You interested? |
| 47676 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
I think I'm busy that night. Or I would. |
| 47677 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Well, we're both just kinda learning as we go, aren't we? |
| 47678 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Learning what? |
| 47679 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Just how this going to be, you know? You have a beautiful round head. |
| 47680 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Kay. |
| 47681 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
So what kind of farming you into, huh? You more of a fruit man or a root man? |
| 47682 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Is thisâis this like code for gay stuff? Cause if so, that's totally fine. Like, I'm fine with it. But you should know that I'm into the ladies. |
| 47683 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Spoken like a true root man. |
| 47684 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
You know, if you're ever swamped, I could make some sales calls for you. |
| 47685 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
My calls? |
| 47686 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
So could you give me a list of all your clients? Or just the leads that you haven't had time to pursue yet? |
| 47687 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
You want a list of my clients? You want my leads? |
| 47688 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Yeah, I'll just give it a glanceâ |
| 47689 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Ok |
| 47690 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
I'll give it a read. |
| 47691 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
With my leads and stuff like that? |
| 47692 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Yeah. |
| 47693 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Cause you're interested in going into sales? |
| 47694 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
I am. |
| 47695 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
Wow, that's great. That's great. Ok, good, let's talk about that, ok? |
| 47696 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Clark |
Ok. |
| 47697 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7080 |
Dwight |
You're not getting my clients! Nice try. |
| 47698 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7081 |
Dwight |
Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, ok? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job. |
| 47699 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Dwight |
Jim, get ready for the battle of your life. |
| 47700 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Jim |
Done. Explain. |
| 47701 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Dwight |
The new guys. Dwight Jr is after my job. Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub. |
| 47702 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Jim |
Oh, now I get what Pete was talking about at the sales meeting yesterday. |
| 47703 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Dwight |
Wait, salesâwhat sales meeting? |
| 47704 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Jim |
The new guys called one. |
| 47705 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Dwight |
The new guys called a sales meeting? |
| 47706 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Jim |
Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration. Did you know there was a belt above black? |
| 47707 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Dwight |
There's no belt above black. Is there a belt above black? |
| 47708 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7082 |
Jim |
You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect. Too easy. |
| 47709 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7083 |
Angela |
Attention everyone. Comstock is still available. Oscar has been flirting with adopting him. But still hasn't given me a definite yes or no. |
| 47710 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7083 |
Oscar |
Definitely no. |
| 47711 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7083 |
Angela |
Fine. For any interested candidates, I will be conducting 20 minute interviews. My ideal situation would an independently wealthy cute couple with a strong commitment to education. Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both. Listen, you're in this, but you need to wow me, ok? |
| 47712 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7084 |
Andy |
I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year. It's going to be terrible. |
| 47713 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7084 |
Nellie |
Not necessarily |
| 47714 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7084 |
Andy |
No I'm going to make sure that it is. And if it isn't, I'm going to take immediate action to rectify that. Now, I don't like to throw around the b-word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you. |
| 47715 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7085 |
Andy |
Now this is called slack lining. |
| 47716 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7086 |
Andy |
I set up the old slack line to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline. Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb. |
| 47717 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7087 |
Andy |
If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar. But, if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nellie. How about a hand, screw those guys. Now, these are my actual Outward Bound counselors, Rafe and Feather. |
| 47718 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7087 |
Rafe |
Iceman. |
| 47719 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7087 |
Andy |
That's me. The powder is for your protection, Feather has permanent athlete's foot. Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack. |
| 47720 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Jim |
You a sports fan? |
| 47721 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Pete |
Sure, boxing, tennis. |
| 47722 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Jim |
Oh. Any team sports? |
| 47723 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Pete |
NASCAR. The Amazing Race. |
| 47724 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Jim |
Phillies fan, though, right? |
| 47725 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Pete |
You mean horses? |
| 47726 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Jim |
No, like baseball. A baseball team. |
| 47727 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Pete |
Ah, I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont. |
| 47728 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7088 |
Jim |
Ok. Good talk. |
| 47729 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7089 |
Jim |
I have nothing in common with Plop. |
| 47730 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
All right, who's next? Nellie? |
| 47731 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Nellie |
Oh, I would rather watch you and your talented friends. |
| 47732 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Nonsense. Get up here. |
| 47733 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Kevin |
Go ahead |
| 47734 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Come on. Uh, are you gonna wear your heels? |
| 47735 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Nellie |
I'm very self-conscious about my feet. |
| 47736 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Ok, sure. There ya go. Atta girl. Hey, alright. Whoa! You suck. Alright, who's next? Darryl? |
| 47737 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Darryl |
This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do. |
| 47738 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Dwight Jr? This looks like your speed. |
| 47739 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Clark |
Uh, I guess I could give it shot. |
| 47740 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Yeah, come on. Get up here. Just hop on up. |
| 47741 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Clark |
Ok |
| 47742 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7090 |
Andy |
Focus on the horizon. Whoa! Look at this guy. |
| 47743 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7091 |
Clark |
I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears. |
| 47744 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Darryl |
Go, Dwight Jr! |
| 47745 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Andy |
Hey, yes. |
| 47746 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Dwight |
Boo, unimpressed. It's a tightrope for babies. Boo! |
| 47747 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Clark |
Alright, let's see you do it. |
| 47748 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Andy |
Alright. Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord. |
| 47749 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Andy |
Ooh! Who ordered the hot apple fail? |
| 47750 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Dwight |
Ok, I am just getting started, ok? |
| 47751 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Clark |
You got this, it's all you. Got ourselves a yard sale. Balls in face. It's not a race, Dwight. |
| 47752 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Andy |
Well it's official. Old Dwight is lame and New Dwight is cool. |
| 47753 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Dwight |
That's not true. Just give me another chance. |
| 47754 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Oscar |
But your mouth is bleâ |
| 47755 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Toby |
This is a bloodbath. Alright, I'm calling this. |
| 47756 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 47757 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Toby |
It is enough of this. Everyone, let's go back to work. |
| 47758 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7092 |
Dwight |
This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it. Idiots. |
| 47759 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7093 |
Dwight |
Slack lining, please. Untie that rope, give it to a couple of pig-tailed school girls, let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys. Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's a jump rope! |
| 47760 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7094 |
Pam |
Dwight! |
| 47761 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7094 |
Dwight |
Pam? Hey come up here, up the ladder. Come on. |
| 47762 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7094 |
Pam |
What are you doing? |
| 47763 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7094 |
Dwight |
Come here, I'll show you. |
| 47764 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Angela |
Why do you want this cat? |
| 47765 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Pete |
I don't want it, really. |
| 47766 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Angela |
How would you support the cat? What are your ambitions? |
| 47767 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Pete |
I want to start my own business. I want to be a millionaire. Lots of things. Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night. |
| 47768 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Angela |
Have you taken any concrete steps? |
| 47769 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7095 |
Pete |
Well, I'm still just fitting in here, you know? Getting used to the new job. But, definitely on the agenda. But that is a good idea, Angela. I should make a list. |
| 47770 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7096 |
Jim |
Oh, come on, Pete! God, that's just sad. If he doesn't watch himself, he's gonna be here for years, doing nothing. Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim. |
| 47771 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire? That means it's literally impossible for anyone to fall off. So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone pole. |
| 47772 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
I will? |
| 47773 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
You will. Yeah we weigh about the same, wouldn't you say? |
| 47774 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
Sure, if you weigh 105 pounds. |
| 47775 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
So you'll do it? |
| 47776 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
No. |
| 47777 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
Come on, this will be the only thrill of your boring life. |
| 47778 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life. |
| 47779 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
Come on. |
| 47780 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
Exactly the way it is. |
| 47781 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
No, Pam. |
| 47782 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
Yes, and there's nothing you could say that would get me to run the slightest risk of losing it. |
| 47783 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
Please? Please, Pam? |
| 47784 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Pam |
Find someone else, I don't know. Ask Phyllis. |
| 47785 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7097 |
Dwight |
I can't use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space. God, you're so insensitive. |
| 47786 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Pete |
Why are you getting rid of it? |
| 47787 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Angela |
Allergies. |
| 47788 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Pete |
Your husband? |
| 47789 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Angela |
No, the baby. Please, it's my husband's favorite cat. He's broken up about it. It's the only time I've seen him cry other than our wedding night. |
| 47790 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Oscar |
You know what? I will take Comstock. |
| 47791 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Angela |
Really? Oh, Oscar, thank you! |
| 47792 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Oscar |
I'll come by after work and pick him up. |
| 47793 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Angela |
Yay! Oh, poor Robert. He won't get to say goodbye. He has this business dinner tonight |
| 47794 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Oscar |
C'est la vie. |
| 47795 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7098 |
Angela |
Please don't teach the cat French. |
| 47796 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7099 |
Oscar |
Yeah. Good news, tonight when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock. |
| 47797 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7100 |
Pam |
You ready? |
| 47798 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7100 |
Jim |
Yeah. You know what? I'll meet you down there. Just gotta make a quick call. |
| 47799 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7100 |
Pam |
Kay. |
| 47800 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7101 |
Dwight |
Ok. Oh, god. |
| 47801 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7102 |
Dwight |
Attention, employees of Dunder Mifflin. Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool cause they can slack line. Boo. Hey Clark, this is what a areal salesman looks like. They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it. Dwight Schrute! |
| 47802 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7103 |
Jim |
Hey, man. It's halpert. Did you go to the other guy yet? Great, don't. I'm in. Yeah, yep, I'm all in. Ok, talk to you soon. Bye. Yeah! |
| 47803 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7104 |
Dwight |
Woo! Ahh!! |
| 47804 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7105 |
Creed |
In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company. |
| 47805 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7106 |
Meredith |
Crap. Sorry, Nellie. |
| 47806 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7106 |
Nellie |
Once again, I understand that old habits die hard, but if everyone would kindly walk their refuse to the trash bins instead of tossing them, then we wouldâ |
| 47807 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7106 |
Stanley |
Mm, swish. |
| 47808 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7107 |
Nellie |
Oh, it's nothing to do with me. I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are. |
| 47809 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7108 |
Andy |
There are two things that I am passionate about. Recycling and revenge. |
| 47810 |
9 |
1 |
The New Guys |
7109 |
Nellie |
Fluke. |
| 47811 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7110 |
Pam |
The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel. |
| 47812 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Kevin |
Oh, yeah! Can I spin first? |
| 47813 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Pam |
Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and... you see what chore you get that day. |
| 47814 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Kevin |
A wheel is supposed to spin. |
| 47815 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Erin |
Yeah, you know, like guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh... guh. |
| 47816 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Pam |
No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore- |
| 47817 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Andy |
Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores. |
| 47818 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Creed |
A wheel wants to spin, Pam. |
| 47819 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Jim |
Spinning would be more fun. |
| 47820 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7111 |
Pam |
â˜Kay. |
| 47821 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Kevin |
Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! Mug duty? |
| 47822 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Pam |
Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink. |
| 47823 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Kevin |
This sucks. |
| 47824 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Erin |
Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work. |
| 47825 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Pam |
I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's- |
| 47826 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7112 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels. |
| 47827 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7113 |
Pam |
I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way. |
| 47828 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7114 |
Pam |
The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind. |
| 47829 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7115 |
Pam |
Toilets! |
| 47830 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Jim |
Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé. |
| 47831 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Pam |
Thanks, mom! |
| 47832 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Jim |
A banana? |
| 47833 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Pam |
Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs. |
| 47834 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Jim |
Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding. |
| 47835 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Pam |
Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. |
| 47836 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7116 |
Jim |
Just... so weird. |
| 47837 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Erin |
Oh, Pete, you've got mail. |
| 47838 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Pete |
Really? I got something? |
| 47839 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Erin |
Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail. |
| 47840 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Clark |
Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service. |
| 47841 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Erin |
Yeah, I'm alternating. |
| 47842 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Pete |
Yay, another person yelling at me. |
| 47843 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Erin |
Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time. |
| 47844 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Pete |
That's really nice. |
| 47845 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Clark |
Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election... thing is crazy, right? |
| 47846 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Pete |
It's open. |
| 47847 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Erin |
Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter. |
| 47848 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7117 |
Pete |
OK. |
| 47849 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7118 |
Nellie |
Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived. |
| 47850 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7118 |
Creed |
I know you don't really exist. |
| 47851 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7119 |
Nellie |
Today, I launch my big charity initiative â˜Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one. |
| 47852 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7120 |
Roy |
Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening? |
| 47853 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7120 |
Darryl |
Congratulations, baby! |
| 47854 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7120 |
Roy |
Ah, thank you! |
| 47855 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Jim |
Is this his house? |
| 47856 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Pam |
Think so. |
| 47857 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Server |
Mimosa? |
| 47858 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 47859 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Server |
Would you like me to take your peel? |
| 47860 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Pam |
Yes, thank you. |
| 47861 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 47862 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Pam |
Who's that? |
| 47863 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Jim |
Uh, my ex-fiancé. |
| 47864 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7121 |
Pam |
Ha-ha. |
| 47865 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7122 |
Jim |
I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um... actually I did tell Pam and we decided â˜no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be. |
| 47866 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports. |
| 47867 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Kevin |
Oh boy! What's happening? |
| 47868 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley? |
| 47869 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Stanley |
American Diabetes Association. |
| 47870 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Angela |
Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity? |
| 47871 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Toby |
I w-, uh, I would love to give uh- |
| 47872 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Kevin |
Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank. |
| 47873 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Creed |
I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes. |
| 47874 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Dwight, what about you? |
| 47875 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Dwight |
I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works. |
| 47876 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Andy |
Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives. |
| 47877 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Thank you, Andy. |
| 47878 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Andy |
I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling. |
| 47879 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Dwight, you will be participating. |
| 47880 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Dwight |
No thank you. |
| 47881 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like. |
| 47882 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Dwight |
Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation. |
| 47883 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Great, thank you. |
| 47884 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Dwight |
Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban. |
| 47885 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Nellie |
Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight. |
| 47886 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7123 |
Dwight |
Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan. |
| 47887 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7124 |
Creed |
The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though. |
| 47888 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7125 |
Nellie |
Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back. |
| 47889 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7125 |
Dwight |
Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome. |
| 47890 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what? |
| 47891 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice. |
| 47892 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
Thanks for inviting us, by the way- |
| 47893 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Are you kidding? |
| 47894 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
That was, that was a surprise. |
| 47895 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. Just kidding. |
| 47896 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
You're welcome. |
| 47897 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Thanks...aw. |
| 47898 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
By the way, man, this place is... beautiful. |
| 47899 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off? |
| 47900 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
Gravel company? |
| 47901 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Yeah. What about you? What are you doing? |
| 47902 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
Not gravel, obviously. No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So- |
| 47903 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Roy |
Oh, cool. |
| 47904 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
Yeah, you never know. |
| 47905 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Kenny |
Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers. |
| 47906 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7126 |
Jim |
OK, Kenny. |
| 47907 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. Erin, do you know anybody that might want... Oh my gosh. You love the news, right? |
| 47908 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Erin |
Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. |
| 47909 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. |
| 47910 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Pete |
Uh, is it Duncan? |
| 47911 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
He's looking for on-air talent and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape. |
| 47912 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Erin |
You mean, put me on the news? |
| 47913 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
You'll just come over, put on little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways, with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. What do you say? Huh? |
| 47914 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Erin |
Maybe, ok? Let me think about it. |
| 47915 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
Ok. |
| 47916 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Erin |
Whoo! |
| 47917 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7127 |
Clark |
Think it over. |
| 47918 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7128 |
Pete |
No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them. |
| 47919 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7129 |
Erin |
I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon? |
| 47920 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7130 |
Roy |
So, ah, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you. |
| 47921 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7130 |
Jim |
He plays piano? |
| 47922 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7130 |
Pam |
No. Roy? No. |
| 47923 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7130 |
Roy |
You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it. |
| 47924 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7130 |
Darryl |
You got this, Roy. |
| 47925 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Pam |
We still surprise each other. |
| 47926 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Jim |
Definitely. |
| 47927 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Pam |
You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with- |
| 47928 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Jim |
Courtside seats. Sixers. |
| 47929 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Pam |
Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was- |
| 47930 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Jim |
It was an away game. |
| 47931 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Pam |
In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. Do we know everything about each other? |
| 47932 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Jim |
No. |
| 47933 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Pam |
Tell me one thing about you I don't know. |
| 47934 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7131 |
Jim |
Um, ok. |
| 47935 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Jim |
Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I- |
| 47936 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Pam |
And you thought you guys were millionaires. |
| 47937 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Jim |
You heard that one. |
| 47938 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Pam |
Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember. |
| 47939 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Jim |
That I thought we were millionaires. |
| 47940 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Pam |
Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. Shoot, I knew that one. |
| 47941 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Jim |
That's all right. |
| 47942 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Angela |
The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next. |
| 47943 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7132 |
Jim |
You all right? |
| 47944 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7133 |
Nellie |
You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. |
| 47945 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7133 |
Dwight |
Anything else would be inconsistent. |
| 47946 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7133 |
Nellie |
Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office? |
| 47947 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7133 |
Dwight |
Absolutely, I will. |
| 47948 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7134 |
Dwight |
I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. You don't have a plan. |
| 47949 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7135 |
Nellie |
When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. |
| 47950 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
Looking for this? |
| 47951 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
What the? |
| 47952 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it. |
| 47953 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
Gimme that. |
| 47954 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off. |
| 47955 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
You're insane. |
| 47956 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity. |
| 47957 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you. |
| 47958 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
In that case, you... will have to chop off my hand. |
| 47959 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most. |
| 47960 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Nellie |
I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands. |
| 47961 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7136 |
Dwight |
Sounds like a plan. |
| 47962 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7137 |
Andy |
Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment? |
| 47963 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7137 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 47964 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Andy |
Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? |
| 47965 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Clark |
Uh... couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe, no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut. |
| 47966 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Andy |
Really? |
| 47967 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Clark |
Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back. |
| 47968 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Pete |
Seems unnecessary for an audition. |
| 47969 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Clark |
And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so- |
| 47970 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Andy |
Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff. |
| 47971 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Clark |
I absolutely will do that. |
| 47972 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Andy |
Awesome. Plop! |
| 47973 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7138 |
Clark |
Pff. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then. Buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits. |
| 47974 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7139 |
Pete |
That Clark, huh? Errr Ca! |
| 47975 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Oscar |
Next question for our oldie-weds- |
| 47976 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Kevin |
What's the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? |
| 47977 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Angela |
Language. |
| 47978 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Phyllis |
Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? |
| 47979 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Oscar |
Pam's first celebrity crush. |
| 47980 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Toby |
John Stamos. |
| 47981 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Jim |
Ready? |
| 47982 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Pam |
Uh-huh. |
| 47983 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Jim |
John Stamos. |
| 47984 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Angela |
Oh! |
| 47985 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Pam |
Yes. But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to- |
| 47986 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Toby |
Johnny Depp. |
| 47987 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Pam |
Johnny Depp. |
| 47988 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Toby |
Sh, uh, um, I was having this separate conversation with Kevin. Uh, Johnny Depp. |
| 47989 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Kevin |
Totally. George Clooney. |
| 47990 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Toby |
Uh-huh. |
| 47991 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Angela |
OK, I have one. I have one. |
| 47992 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Kevin |
What is the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? |
| 47993 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7140 |
Angela |
Kevin, stop it with that question. |
| 47994 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7141 |
Jim |
Right. And did you show them the market? Yeah. And what'd they say? That's awesome! That, oh my god! Wow! |
| 47995 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7142 |
Jim |
It's not even real yet. And I'm not gonna tell her 'til it's real. |
| 47996 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7143 |
Pam |
I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim. |
| 47997 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7144 |
Darryl |
Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence. |
| 47998 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7144 |
Andy |
Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. Good. Great job. |
| 47999 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7145 |
Darryl |
Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black. |
| 48000 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
Erin has an audition to be a newscaster. |
| 48001 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl. |
| 48002 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Darryl |
OK, um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color. |
| 48003 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
Yeah, right? |
| 48004 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Jim |
I'm sorry. This is for a news audition? |
| 48005 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 48006 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Oscar |
Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability? |
| 48007 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy. |
| 48008 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Oscar |
I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite. |
| 48009 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Meredith |
Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride. |
| 48010 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Oscar |
Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or... |
| 48011 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Angela |
Has she done the pageant circuit? |
| 48012 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Erin |
No, I watch the news. |
| 48013 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Andy |
She's gonna be amazing. Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen. |
| 48014 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Erin |
This is a first for me. And, I don't get a lot of chances, so I have to take them really seriously. I will do whatever it takes to get the job. |
| 48015 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Clark |
Whatever it takes. |
| 48016 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7146 |
Pete |
Yeah, I know, I heard. I heard. |
| 48017 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7147 |
Dwight |
This is it. Any questions? |
| 48018 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7147 |
Nellie |
Is it gonna be long? |
| 48019 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7147 |
Dwight |
No. It's gonna be over before you know it. |
| 48020 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. Aren't you glad you waited? Karzai commented. |
| 48021 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Darryl |
Um, where did you get that story? |
| 48022 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events. |
| 48023 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name. |
| 48024 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
For Channel 11 news, I'm Erin Hannon. |
| 48025 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
Pause after 'news'. |
| 48026 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
For Channel 11 news... I'm Erin Hannon. |
| 48027 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
No, pause longer. |
| 48028 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Darryl |
That was a good one. |
| 48029 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
Pause, pause longer. OK? Builds suspense. Don't be shy. |
| 48030 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
Got it. For Channel 11 news... |
| 48031 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
Wha, it's- |
| 48032 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Erin |
I'm Erin Hannon. |
| 48033 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7148 |
Andy |
OK. All right. Great. Some great stuff in there. |
| 48034 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Jim |
I can feel you looking at me. |
| 48035 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Pam |
OK. Well, here's something you don't know. A couple of weeks ago- |
| 48036 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Jim |
Uh-huh. |
| 48037 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Pam |
I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced and he hit on me. In the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed. And, I didn't know if you would be mad or worried. But, anyway, I thought you'd want to know. |
| 48038 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Jim |
That didn't happen. You would've told me right away. |
| 48039 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Pam |
Yeah, I would've. What about you? Come on, there's gotta be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me. |
| 48040 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Jim |
Uh... |
| 48041 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Pam |
Just tell me. |
| 48042 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7149 |
Jim |
God, give it up, Beesley. You know me too well. |
| 48043 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7150 |
Dwight |
Heh! Ha! |
| 48044 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Pete |
Hey, um, I knew something bothered me and I finally figured it out. What news producers are gonna want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team. |
| 48045 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 48046 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Pete |
The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone. |
| 48047 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Erin |
Oh god. |
| 48048 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Pete |
Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host... he's already doing camera. |
| 48049 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Erin |
Tuh. |
| 48050 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7151 |
Pete |
Someone who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. I don't know. |
| 48051 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Dwight |
Ha! This is for real this time. |
| 48052 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Darryl |
It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little inspiration. |
| 48053 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Nellie |
Oh, a movie. What is this? |
| 48054 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Darryl |
127 hours. It's about this guy who- |
| 48055 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Dwight |
No, no. No spoilers. Please. |
| 48056 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Darryl |
My bad. |
| 48057 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 48058 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7152 |
Darryl |
Goodnight. |
| 48059 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Clark |
Hey! Everybody. |
| 48060 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 48061 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Clark |
Come in. |
| 48062 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Andy |
All right! |
| 48063 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Clark |
Come on in. |
| 48064 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Andy |
Nice. |
| 48065 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Clark |
What're you doing here? |
| 48066 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7153 |
Pete |
Sorry, man. Andy though Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied. |
| 48067 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
The victim was released from the hospital with second-degree burns. |
| 48068 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. |
| 48069 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
Well, he tried to but the fire door was blocked. |
| 48070 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
He sure did. |
| 48071 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Clark |
All right. We got that. That's a rap, everybody. |
| 48072 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
Aw! |
| 48073 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
Just, you sure Clark? |
| 48074 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Clark |
Yep, she's done. |
| 48075 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
No, I just, I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that. |
| 48076 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Clark |
No, we got it. We got it. |
| 48077 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
Great! Let's get some food. I'm starving. |
| 48078 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
I don't think we did get it. I could do, uh, a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. That might even be better for editing. |
| 48079 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Clark |
OK, I don't. |
| 48080 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
All right. |
| 48081 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
I'm hungry. |
| 48082 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something? |
| 48083 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Pete |
Yeah, whatever you say, boss. |
| 48084 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
OK. I'll call you later. |
| 48085 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Erin |
OK. |
| 48086 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7154 |
Andy |
So this is a single. |
| 48087 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7155 |
Erin |
Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And, maybe it'll work out for Andy. |
| 48088 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
Oh god. |
| 48089 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
That is absolutely revolting! |
| 48090 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 48091 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
He is so good, though. |
| 48092 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 48093 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
The way he just cuts off his arm. |
| 48094 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. |
| 48095 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
Well, he's a genius, you know? He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia and NYU all at the same time. |
| 48096 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
Whoopty doo. That doesn't make you a genius. |
| 48097 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
Well, it doesn't make you stupid. |
| 48098 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
Yeah, it does, actually. It makes you real stupid. |
| 48099 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
Stupid like you. |
| 48100 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
No, like you. |
| 48101 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
Like you. |
| 48102 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
You're the stupid one. |
| 48103 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
You're the stupid one. |
| 48104 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
You're the stupid one. |
| 48105 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Nellie |
You're the stupid one. |
| 48106 |
9 |
2 |
Roy's Wedding |
7156 |
Dwight |
You, you, you, you... |
| 48107 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
Morning, Dwight |
| 48108 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Dwight |
Who are you? |
| 48109 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight. |
| 48110 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Dwight |
You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian |
| 48111 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. |
| 48112 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Dwight |
Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday? |
| 48113 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me. |
| 48114 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Voicemail |
Please enter your password. |
| 48115 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Voicemail |
You have one new message. |
| 48116 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Dwight |
How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders! |
| 48117 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work. |
| 48118 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Dwight |
You don't work here! You're not Jim! |
| 48119 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Pam |
Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30. |
| 48120 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7157 |
Fake Jim |
Oh great, can't wait. |
| 48121 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7158 |
Pam |
Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours. |
| 48122 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7159 |
Dwight |
I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim! |
| 48123 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7159 |
Dwight |
Oh myâ! Oh dâ! Oh, how didâ? Huhhhhh! |
| 48124 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7160 |
Erin |
Heyyy! Study buddies! |
| 48125 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7160 |
Darryl |
Oh, ok. |
| 48126 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7160 |
Erin |
Getting things done. Awesome! |
| 48127 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7160 |
Darryl |
It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. Life hacking, baby. This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. Saved my self 90 seconds. Which I just used to explain this to you. Damn it! |
| 48128 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7161 |
Darryl |
Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. |
| 48129 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7162 |
Erin |
S"il vous plait...dites-Moi...Ugggghhh les Bleagh! |
| 48130 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7162 |
Dwight |
Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat. |
| 48131 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7162 |
Erin |
I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. They all speak more than one language. Usually when I'm there! |
| 48132 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7162 |
Dwight |
You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try dothraki. Win over any man in my guild. |
| 48133 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7163 |
Dwight |
Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic war-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads. |
| 48134 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7164 |
Dwight |
I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French. |
| 48135 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7164 |
Erin |
Yeah! Let's do it! |
| 48136 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7164 |
Dwight |
Atherozar! |
| 48137 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7164 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 48138 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7164 |
Dwight |
It means "excellent". And we have begun. |
| 48139 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Pam |
. Is everything okay? |
| 48140 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Nellie |
Hmm? Ohâoh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'm mean, I dâI just don't wannaâburden you with my massive stress freak outs! |
| 48141 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 48142 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Nellie |
It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "Demandy".... I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! But...in who's car? |
| 48143 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Andy |
Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here. |
| 48144 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Pam |
Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. |
| 48145 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Nellie |
Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior! |
| 48146 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Nellie, Pam |
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! |
| 48147 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Pam |
I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch. |
| 48148 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7165 |
Jim |
Don't worry about it. I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try. |
| 48149 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Nellie |
This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't. And here is a print out of your genealogy from thisisyourfamilytree.com |
| 48150 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Andy |
Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights. |
| 48151 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Nellie |
Well, it turns out, you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama! |
| 48152 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Andy |
As in... |
| 48153 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Nellie |
Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children. |
| 48154 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7166 |
Andy |
Wow! |
| 48155 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7167 |
Andy |
This is super-flattering. She's the most popular person in America. This is a big day for both of us. |
| 48156 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7168 |
Andy |
My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama. |
| 48157 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7169 |
Erin |
I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best war to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duhhhh!" |
| 48158 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7170 |
Andy |
Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but uh...I'm related to Michelle Obama. |
| 48159 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7171 |
Pete |
Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. |
| 48160 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7171 |
Clark |
So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. |
| 48161 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7172 |
Clark |
Oooohhhhhhhh! |
| 48162 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7172 |
Clark |
It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. |
| 48163 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7172 |
Pete |
Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point. |
| 48164 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7172 |
Clark |
Just clap through it, man. |
| 48165 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Darryl |
You log in sales at ten different times. If you log â˜em all at once, you save a lot of time. It's called batching. |
| 48166 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Jim |
That was really good, Darryl. |
| 48167 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Darryl |
Life hacking, man. |
| 48168 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Andy |
There he is! |
| 48169 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Jim |
Andy, you gotta check this out. He just showed meâ. |
| 48170 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Andy |
Ahhhthathathathathta. Right now I need canned tuna, okay? Darryl, guess which talented individual, who also has a killer singing voice, is related to the First Lady? |
| 48171 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Darryl |
Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross. |
| 48172 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Andy |
It's me! I am related to Michelle Obama. |
| 48173 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Darryl |
What?! Really? |
| 48174 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Andy |
I mean, it's distant, but... |
| 48175 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Darryl |
Huh ha! That's cool, man. |
| 48176 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7173 |
Andy |
Right? |
| 48177 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7174 |
Andy |
Darryl said, "Cool, man." He called me as cool man. |
| 48178 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7175 |
Pam |
You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over and just take ten minutes to eat. |
| 48179 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7175 |
Nellie |
Mmmmâthe thing is Pam, I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, so, I might as well get good at it. |
| 48180 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7175 |
Pam |
Brake lights. Break lights! Break lights! Break lights!!! |
| 48181 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7175 |
Nellie |
Whhooooo! |
| 48182 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7176 |
Oscar |
I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? |
| 48183 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7176 |
Phyllis |
You think that Andy's family owned slaves? |
| 48184 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7176 |
Stanley |
Well somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. |
| 48185 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Dwight |
I throat-rip. |
| 48186 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Erin |
Foth aggendak! |
| 48187 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Dwight |
You throat-rip. |
| 48188 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Erin |
Foth aggendi! |
| 48189 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Dwight |
He/she/it throat rips. |
| 48190 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Erin |
Foth aggenda! |
| 48191 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Dwight |
More of a, barbaric growl. |
| 48192 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Erin |
Forth aggenda! |
| 48193 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Dwight |
Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse! |
| 48194 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7177 |
Erin |
Wah!! Aggenda!! |
| 48195 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Pam |
Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? |
| 48196 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Nellie |
Yeeeeahhhh! It's almost unbelievable! |
| 48197 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Pam |
What? |
| 48198 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Nellie |
Well, you know how Andy has been really salting my onions, lately. |
| 48199 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Pam |
Sure. |
| 48200 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Nellie |
Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, I remembered that news story about Michelle Obama having white relatives, and I just knew he would eat that up! |
| 48201 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Pam |
So he's not related to Michelle Obama? |
| 48202 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7178 |
Nellie |
Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer. |
| 48203 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7179 |
Pam |
Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun. |
| 48204 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7180 |
Nellie |
Pam! . |
| 48205 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Oscar |
Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. Iâ |
| 48206 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Andy |
What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work! . |
| 48207 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Oscar |
Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today. |
| 48208 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Andy |
Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays. |
| 48209 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Oscar |
Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family wereâslave owners. |
| 48210 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7181 |
Andy |
Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners? |
| 48211 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7182 |
Darryl |
Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. |
| 48212 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Andy |
Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye. |
| 48213 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Darryl |
Yes, yes, yes. |
| 48214 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Andy |
Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum! |
| 48215 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Darryl |
I included some time saving ideas... |
| 48216 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Andy |
Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. |
| 48217 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Darryl |
Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird. |
| 48218 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7183 |
Andy |
Right on, brotha. Wurddd. |
| 48219 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7184 |
Erin |
Addor! |
| 48220 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7184 |
Dwight |
Daraas! |
| 48221 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7184 |
Erin |
Qazer! |
| 48222 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7184 |
Dwight |
Daraas! Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? |
| 48223 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7185 |
Pete |
Hey Erin! |
| 48224 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7185 |
Erin |
Azem choma! Chomakka-attun! |
| 48225 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7185 |
Pete |
Ohâokay. Sorry. |
| 48226 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Nellie |
Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work. |
| 48227 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Pam |
Yeahâturn signal. It's exciting to be painting againâthose are the wipers. Soâtheâitsâjust. There you go! Yeah. Yeah, things get so busy with the kidsâred lightâthat it's nice to have that creative outletâred light! Red light! Red! Red! |
| 48228 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Nellie |
That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work. |
| 48229 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Pam |
Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby. |
| 48230 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Nellie |
That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo! |
| 48231 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7186 |
Pam |
Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. |
| 48232 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Andy |
. Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? |
| 48233 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Erin |
Vos! |
| 48234 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Andy |
So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today. |
| 48235 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Erin |
Because of your slaves. |
| 48236 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Andy |
Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not. |
| 48237 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Erin |
Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for "slave master", "attafrauk!", is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed? |
| 48238 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Andy |
That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out! |
| 48239 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Erin |
Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language. |
| 48240 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7187 |
Dwight |
People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it. |
| 48241 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7188 |
Andy |
Hi guys. |
| 48242 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7188 |
Phyllis |
Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water? |
| 48243 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7188 |
Andy |
Yeah. You don't have to ask me. |
| 48244 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7188 |
Andy |
Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to beâ. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady SmithâAfrican AmericanâMambazo. |
| 48245 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Pam |
Good. Very good. Ohâno! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. "New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P." And then in parentheses, he wrote out "as soon as possible." |
| 48246 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Nellie |
Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, "looking for dirt." |
| 48247 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Pam |
Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding. |
| 48248 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Nellie |
Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. |
| 48249 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Pam |
OhâgeeâI'mâ |
| 48250 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Nellie |
No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! I love it. |
| 48251 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Pam |
Brilliant! |
| 48252 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Nellie |
What should we say about Jim? |
| 48253 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Pam |
Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up. |
| 48254 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7189 |
Nellie |
My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. I just made a joke there. |
| 48255 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me. |
| 48256 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Nellie |
Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair! |
| 48257 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Pam |
Jim? No. |
| 48258 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Nellie |
. How can you be sure? |
| 48259 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Pam |
Because he just loves me too much. |
| 48260 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7190 |
Nellie |
You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? |
| 48261 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Andy |
I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. |
| 48262 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Angela |
Ew. |
| 48263 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Andy |
Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt. |
| 48264 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Kevin |
And John Wayne? |
| 48265 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Andy |
No. Not that I see here. |
| 48266 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Kevin |
Wayne Johnson? The Rock? |
| 48267 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7191 |
Andy |
You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon! |
| 48268 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7192 |
Jim |
Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. Trueâ Oh no. |
| 48269 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
Dwight's grandfather was aâ. |
| 48270 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Dwight |
Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So... |
| 48271 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
I was gonna say he was a tax evader. |
| 48272 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Dwight |
Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah! |
| 48273 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden. |
| 48274 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Meredith |
Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! |
| 48275 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Angela |
Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me! |
| 48276 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Phyllis |
Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families? |
| 48277 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Kevin |
Yeah, thatâyou're being really mean, Andy. |
| 48278 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Dwight |
Yeah, Andy. |
| 48279 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it. |
| 48280 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Oscar |
The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did. |
| 48281 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
Might've done. And how... do you figure? |
| 48282 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Oscar |
Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves. |
| 48283 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income. |
| 48284 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Oscar |
Really? |
| 48285 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7193 |
Andy |
We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen. |
| 48286 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Andy |
Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had. |
| 48287 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Darryl |
You're gonna po' mouth |
| 48288 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Andy |
Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl. |
| 48289 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Darryl |
Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestionsâ |
| 48290 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Andy |
What if I said that my dad beat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy? |
| 48291 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Darryl |
That could work. |
| 48292 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Andy |
You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here. |
| 48293 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Darryl |
I'm going for a walk. |
| 48294 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7194 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 48295 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7195 |
Pam |
Good. Good. Andâ |
| 48296 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
You doing alright, man? |
| 48297 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
I'm done. I gotta get out of here. |
| 48298 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager. |
| 48299 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets. |
| 48300 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right? |
| 48301 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
Hmm. Yeah right |
| 48302 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
No, I'm serious. There's always something better. |
| 48303 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
Like what? |
| 48304 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Like hypothetically... if I said there was another job. That you and I could both have. |
| 48305 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
What kind of job? |
| 48306 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Something cool. Like, sports marketing or... that sound something like you'd be into? |
| 48307 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
Hell yeah! |
| 48308 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Right? |
| 48309 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
That sounds awesome! |
| 48310 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Ok, but wait. What if I told you that it was in Philly! So you'd have to... |
| 48311 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
I love Philly! |
| 48312 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Right? |
| 48313 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
It's not even a thoughtâ |
| 48314 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Not even a thought! It's not even that far away! I could still commute! Exactly. Exactly! Alright! |
| 48315 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
What? Wait, wait, wait? So what? This happening? |
| 48316 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
Oh, it's happening! Let's just keep it between you and me for right now. |
| 48317 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. for sure. Man! And Pam's into it? |
| 48318 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
We, uh, we haven't talked about. But I think that she'sâI think she understands... what this is. |
| 48319 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
Oh, come on, man. I thought you had something real. |
| 48320 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Jim |
What? No, no, no! Come on! This is real! |
| 48321 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7196 |
Darryl |
It's not real... until your wife is on board. |
| 48322 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Pam |
So what did you want to show me? |
| 48323 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Nellie |
That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? |
| 48324 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Pam |
Yeah. It's really ugly |
| 48325 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Nellie |
Needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking...a mural. |
| 48326 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Pam |
You mean me? |
| 48327 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Nellie |
Yes! You! You are soo talented! It's going to be my next special project. Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist to paint the warehouse wall. |
| 48328 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Pam |
Oh my god! I love it! Uh, IâNellie, this is brilliant! Hey! |
| 48329 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Jim |
Hey! Can I talk you? For a second? |
| 48330 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Nellie |
Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. She never loved you! |
| 48331 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Pam |
What?! No! I-I got this. Okay? |
| 48332 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7197 |
Nellie |
This is his fault. It is not your fault. I'm gonna find you someone better, and rich. |
| 48333 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7198 |
Nellie |
And Filipino. But we'll break that to her later. |
| 48334 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7199 |
Nellie |
You know what this is all about. |
| 48335 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7199 |
Darryl |
Yeah. You too, huh? |
| 48336 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7199 |
Nellie |
Yeah. Go on, spill it. Tell her all the gory details, youuuu sssnake! |
| 48337 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7200 |
Darryl |
Hey! He deserves this. And he said I could get in on it too. Yeah. |
| 48338 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7200 |
Nellie |
Ohhh, Pam, nooo! Oh, I can't bear to watch this. |
| 48339 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7201 |
Jim |
I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world. |
| 48340 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7202 |
Pam |
I still can't believe he didn't tell me. |
| 48341 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7203 |
Pam |
I was helping Nellie driveâ |
| 48342 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7203 |
Stanley |
Do not care. |
| 48343 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7204 |
Pete |
Fonas chek! |
| 48344 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7204 |
Erin |
Dothraas! chek! |
| 48345 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7204 |
Andy |
I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith. |
| 48346 |
9 |
3 |
Andy's Ancestry |
7204 |
Erin |
Hmmm! |
| 48347 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Alright everybody, great season of softball, I'm super proud of you guys and I think you're gonna like this little highlight reel that I put together. |
| 48348 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Andy Bernard presents: Summer Softball Epic Fails! Fail. Fail. |
| 48349 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Fail. |
| 48350 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Oscar |
Is this like a blooper reel? |
| 48351 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Dwight |
Fail! |
| 48352 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Jim |
I deserved that. |
| 48353 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Darryl |
That was a triple. |
| 48354 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Can't take the fail? Get out of the fail video! |
| 48355 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Darryl |
My pleasure. |
| 48356 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Video Andy |
Hey, I'm Pete, puberty is such a drag, man. And I'm Clark! I like to eat toilet paper. We fail! |
| 48357 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Oscar |
What was that? That was just a normal video with you making vulgar noises. |
| 48358 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Well, I worked with what I had, Oscar. Next time do more failure stuff, OK? |
| 48359 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Jim |
Uh, what happened to that video I sent you? |
| 48360 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
Oh that wasn't...that didn't work. That was not the right.. |
| 48361 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
That was not a fail. |
| 48362 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Group |
Fail! Fail! Fail!... |
| 48363 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7205 |
Andy |
That was actually a serious accident that could have resulted in severe bodily harm. You're all failing right now. Congratulations on your epic fail of the use of the word fail! |
| 48364 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Dwight |
Oh, god. |
| 48365 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Phyllis |
What's going on? |
| 48366 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Dwight |
Nothing! Nothing is going on. Keep moving please. |
| 48367 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Stanley |
What's he measuring? |
| 48368 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Dwight |
OK, excuse me. I am the landlord. This is between me and the management, no one else. Please. |
| 48369 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Toby |
It's an EMF hotspot. |
| 48370 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Phyllis |
Oh my god! |
| 48371 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Oscar |
It stands for electromagnetic field. Generally cause by a concentration of wiring in one area Especially if they're poorly insulated. Dwight. |
| 48372 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Andy |
Um, OK I'm just walking into this. Am I to understand there is a bee hive in the wall? |
| 48373 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Toby |
You think I have a machine for measuring bee hives? |
| 48374 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Andy |
I was just asking a question, Toby. How are you not murdered every hour? |
| 48375 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Stanley |
Well I'm not getting paid to work in a microwave oven. |
| 48376 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7206 |
Dwight |
OK, listen. Everything here is up to code. |
| 48377 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7207 |
Dwight |
Oh, the wires need insulation. It's a wire people. I'm not buying it a fur coat. |
| 48378 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7208 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 48379 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7208 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 48380 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7209 |
Jim |
Last week, I finally told Pam about the other job I took in Philly...the side job. And she was so incredibly cool about it. And now I just wanna do something huge for her. Like if we were in some biker bar and she mouthed off to some bikers and they came lumbering over and I was like wham! Gotta go through me first. |
| 48381 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
Andy, could I have a word please? Um, it won't take a moment. It's extremely important and it really has to happen now. |
| 48382 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Fine. I will give you one minute. |
| 48383 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
Oh, please don't use the hourglass. |
| 48384 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
You have one minute and your minute has begun and no time will be added at the end, even to accommodate this sentence with all of it's baroque dependent clauses and cascading turns of phrase. |
| 48385 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
I'm trying to adopt a baby. |
| 48386 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
A baby what? A human?! |
| 48387 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
And the...agency require a character reference from my employer. |
| 48388 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Oh. |
| 48389 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
You wouldn't have to do anything. I would write the letter myself and you just simply sign it. So. |
| 48390 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Oh, OK. And fall right into your plagiarism entrapment scheme? I don't think so. |
| 48391 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
It's not..it's- |
| 48392 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
And I happen to notice you're down to about thirty seconds here. |
| 48393 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
Well then if I could just convince... |
| 48394 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
And those sand grains are tumbling.. |
| 48395 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
You. |
| 48396 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
With fury... |
| 48397 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
It's not..it's not |
| 48398 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Down the sides.. |
| 48399 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
Entrapment if I'm.. |
| 48400 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Of the hourglass.. |
| 48401 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
..writing.. |
| 48402 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Andy |
Time's up! |
| 48403 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7210 |
Nellie |
Fine. |
| 48404 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7211 |
Andy |
Sure. I'll read her letter. And if she tells the truth about how evil and unfit to be a mother she is, then yeah. I'll sign that. |
| 48405 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7212 |
Dwight |
"Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat. |
| 48406 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7212 |
Meredith |
You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts. |
| 48407 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7212 |
Dwight |
You people don't realize what you're asking. I'd have to rip open the walls. We'd have to shut this place down for a week. |
| 48408 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7212 |
Pam |
Week off. That'd be great. |
| 48409 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
Hey, if you don't want to teach me Power Point, just say so. |
| 48410 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Clark |
I don't want to teach you Power Point. |
| 48411 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
Come on! Just show me the Power Point. |
| 48412 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Clark |
Just do the tutorial. |
| 48413 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
You're the tutorial. |
| 48414 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Clark |
No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial. |
| 48415 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
You could be. |
| 48416 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Clark |
Mm-mm. |
| 48417 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
What are you doing? |
| 48418 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Jim |
Getting my wife a week off from work. |
| 48419 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
You popped one kernel. |
| 48420 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Jim |
Awesome, right? |
| 48421 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Clark |
So Creed is that dude's step dad? |
| 48422 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7213 |
Darryl |
Correct. |
| 48423 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7214 |
Jim |
Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm just gonna say it. I'm nervous. I have no idea what health problems this is all gonna cause. |
| 48424 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7214 |
Dwight |
What? Come on. |
| 48425 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7214 |
Creed |
I'm getting older. I'm losing my hair... |
| 48426 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7214 |
Meredith |
I'm not gonna grow a third arm! |
| 48427 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7215 |
Dwight |
I know what Jim is trying to do. He's trying to get big bad Dwight to shell out for a huge repair job while lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation. Well sorry, lucky Jimbo, I can live very happily in a magnetic field. Most of my childhood heroes got their power that way. |
| 48428 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
"Side effects of EMF include: headaches..." |
| 48429 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
Had 'em all my life. |
| 48430 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
..breast pain..." |
| 48431 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
No nobbies, no probbies. Nice try Jim. |
| 48432 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
Oof. "Infertility." |
| 48433 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
Yeah right. |
| 48434 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
Ah! There's my popcorn. Can you just grab that for me? |
| 48435 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
Psh. Keep your snacks on your side, Jim. Idiot. What the? |
| 48436 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
What? |
| 48437 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
Some of these kernels have crowned. |
| 48438 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Jim |
That's impossible, cause that's a brand new bag... Oh my god. |
| 48439 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7216 |
Dwight |
Andy! |
| 48440 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Jim |
I'm gonna drive you up to the lake, give you a whole week on the water. Just you, me and the kids. |
| 48441 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Pam |
Oh, can we stop by that pie stand on the way? |
| 48442 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Jim |
You mean Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also? Yes we will be doing that. We'll be getting a dozen. |
| 48443 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Pam |
A dozen different pies? Cause that means rhubarb. |
| 48444 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Jim |
Why would you say that? I meant 4 apple, 4 blueberry, 2 cherry, 1 peach and 1 chocolate. I thought that was implied. |
| 48445 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Pam |
Yeah, OK then. |
| 48446 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Andy |
Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard your complaints and we reached a settlement. |
| 48447 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Dwight |
So, we will be leaving the office for one whole week. |
| 48448 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Meredith |
Nice job. |
| 48449 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Dwight |
In my contract, it is stipulated that I provide a temporary work space. It will arrive in one hour. |
| 48450 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7217 |
Jim |
What? |
| 48451 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7218 |
Pam |
What's this? |
| 48452 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7218 |
Andy |
Whoa! |
| 48453 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7218 |
Jim |
What? |
| 48454 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7218 |
Dwight |
Bring it in! |
| 48455 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Dwight |
Roll into the future with Work Bus. Say goodbye to wasteful buildings. These days a mobile office isn't just for hotshot politicians. Now anyone can rent a work bus. If you've got a parking lot, a work space is just a phone call away. In this age of belt tightening and less empowered workers, a work bus is how tomorrow gets things done. |
| 48456 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Stanley |
There are a hundred packs.. |
| 48457 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Oscar |
No six after the eight, no.... |
| 48458 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Stanley |
Shh! |
| 48459 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Oscar |
Shh! |
| 48460 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Stanley |
Ninety nine cases..yeah. |
| 48461 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Oscar |
Six. |
| 48462 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Angela |
Ooh! |
| 48463 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Pete |
Oh sorry! Sorry. |
| 48464 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7219 |
Angela |
Oh my god! |
| 48465 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7220 |
Erin |
Sorry. |
| 48466 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7220 |
Meredith |
Lose weight. |
| 48467 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7220 |
Erin |
I'm trying. Sorry. |
| 48468 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Erin |
Oh, the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare Pre-Adoption Standard. |
| 48469 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Nellie |
Oh of course, you were adopted. |
| 48470 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Erin |
I wish! No, I um, I made some short lists. I had a couple sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone. I don't know what it was. Not loveable maybe? Oh well. |
| 48471 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Nellie |
Listen, I'm really struggling with this form. But as you know the system, you think maybe you could..? |
| 48472 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Erin |
Absolutely. I know exactly what they want to hear. I would love to help. |
| 48473 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Nellie |
Oh thank you so much! |
| 48474 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Erin |
Just don't tell Andy, because.. |
| 48475 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7221 |
Nellie |
He hates me and thinks I'm a monster. Should go back to Loch Ness. |
| 48476 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Clark |
Stretch. Alright. |
| 48477 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Stanley |
How many times do you need to take a stroll? |
| 48478 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Clark |
I, my legs cramp up! Ok, it's a circulation issue. |
| 48479 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Stanley |
Boy, I will hammer spank your rear. |
| 48480 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Alright, alright, gang. Let's just settle down. You're yelling in her face. |
| 48481 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Clark |
It's a medical thing. |
| 48482 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Just...you good? |
| 48483 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Clark |
I'm good. I.. |
| 48484 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
I'm so sorry for all of this. |
| 48485 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Pam |
It's OK. You know what they say, a change is as good as a rest. |
| 48486 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Angela |
I, I need to get to the paper please. |
| 48487 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Pam |
Oh my god! Ah! |
| 48488 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
I'll get you a napkin. Someone get napkins please! |
| 48489 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Pam |
You know what? It's fine, it's fine. Let me just...it's fine. |
| 48490 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Pam, I'm really sorry. I- I'm really sorry about...all that. Really? Smirking? |
| 48491 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Dwight |
What can I say? I love justice. You forced me to spend money on needless repairs, and uh now you're locked in a prison bus and your woman drips with beverage. |
| 48492 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Hey, Dwight. I was trying to do something nice for Pam. Can you just, help me out? Can we maybe take this thing somewhere? Or do something to not make this the worst day ever? |
| 48493 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Dwight |
It's not my responsibility to solve your marriage problems by spending my money on gas. |
| 48494 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Andy! |
| 48495 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Andy |
Yo. Dudeces. |
| 48496 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
You're the boss. Don't you think we'd all be a lot more productive if while we were doing work we looked up and saw the best rural pie stand in Pennsylvania? |
| 48497 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I know I'd be more productive. |
| 48498 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Kevin |
As would I. |
| 48499 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Stanley |
No question. |
| 48500 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Dwight |
No. No! This is a work bus. The wheels are for transporting the work space to and from the work site. |
| 48501 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
What are you talking about? You're not the boss. Andy is. Andy? |
| 48502 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Phyllis, Kevin, Stanley |
Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies! |
| 48503 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Andy |
Alright! The fat people have spoken! Dwight, get this bus moving. |
| 48504 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Erin |
Yes! |
| 48505 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
Next stop: Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also. |
| 48506 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Pam |
Oh! Yes! |
| 48507 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
So it looks like this work bus was a pretty good idea after all, huh? |
| 48508 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Dwight |
Get your foot behind the yellow line. |
| 48509 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 48510 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7222 |
Erin |
Yeah Jim! |
| 48511 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7223 |
Darryl |
Stop. |
| 48512 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7223 |
Clark |
Come back. |
| 48513 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7223 |
Darryl |
Too late. |
| 48514 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7223 |
Clark |
Mmm. |
| 48515 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Shabooyah, role call. Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call. |
| 48516 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Pam |
My name is Pam. |
| 48517 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48518 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Pam |
I like to paint. |
| 48519 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48520 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Pam |
You think you're better? |
| 48521 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48522 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Pam |
Oh no you ain't! |
| 48523 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Role Call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call! |
| 48524 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Kevin |
My name is Kevin. |
| 48525 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48526 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Kevin |
That is my name. |
| 48527 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48528 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Kevin |
They call me Kevin. |
| 48529 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Yeah! |
| 48530 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Kevin |
Cause that's my name. |
| 48531 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7224 |
Group |
Role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! |
| 48532 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7225 |
Creed |
Thanks. Playing a little hookey from work today....Oh my god. |
| 48533 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Andy |
Dunder Mifflin road trip twenty twelve! Ah OK, now a serious one. |
| 48534 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Pam |
Hey, where's Dwight? He should be a part of this. Has he been acting kinda weird to you lately? |
| 48535 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Jim |
If by lately you mean the last twelve years, yeah. |
| 48536 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Pam |
No, I mean he's sulking. That's not like him. |
| 48537 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Jim |
He's just mad that we're all having fun. |
| 48538 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Pam |
Then why isn't he scheming? Or preparing to avenge? |
| 48539 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7226 |
Jim |
He's fine. He's indestructible. |
| 48540 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7227 |
Erin |
Always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. We're not hostages. |
| 48541 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7227 |
Nellie |
Well, I have considered kidnapping one. |
| 48542 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7227 |
Erin |
Never say that. |
| 48543 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7228 |
Erin |
I am so excited thinking about this child you're going to adopt. |
| 48544 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7228 |
Nellie |
I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you a parentless five year old again. I would snap you up. |
| 48545 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Stanley |
Next stop pies! |
| 48546 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Group |
Next stop pies! |
| 48547 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
Next stop pies! |
| 48548 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
Let's go driver! Laverne packs up the pie wagon at five so... |
| 48549 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
At five? That's only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare. |
| 48550 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Angela |
So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do math in your head? |
| 48551 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
Wh... |
| 48552 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Oscar |
Hold on, Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies? |
| 48553 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
314 pies. |
| 48554 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Oscar |
What if it were salads? |
| 48555 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
Well, it's the...carry the four...and...it doesn't work. |
| 48556 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry to spoil Jim's fantastic voyage everyone, but we're almost out of gas. |
| 48557 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
OK, well I saw a station about a mile back so, chop chop. |
| 48558 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Dwight |
That name brand place? Nope forget about it, sorry. The tanks are so big on this thing, five cents a gallon extra, that really adds up. |
| 48559 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
Are you kidding me? Dwight, come on! |
| 48560 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Pam |
Hey honey, I don't think we should push him. |
| 48561 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
Oh no, I'm gonna push him. You know why? Because you're getting a pie. Why? Cause you deserve it. And what is he doing? He's trying to drive us all around the countryside looking for gas because he knows we won't get there. Is that what we want?! |
| 48562 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Group |
No! |
| 48563 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Dwight |
Stop ordering me around, Jim! |
| 48564 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
What do we want?! |
| 48565 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Group |
Pies! |
| 48566 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
When do we want it?! |
| 48567 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Group |
Pies! |
| 48568 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Dwight |
OK, fine. You win. Jim, you win. We have been battling for a long time, but you know what? You win, cause you are the winner, you are the alpha male, there you go. Alpha male, go buy your wife a pie. Go buy the whole world a pie. |
| 48569 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
That's impossible. Dwight! |
| 48570 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Meredith |
Oh my! |
| 48571 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Jim |
What are you doing? |
| 48572 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Meredith |
Dwight, what the hell? |
| 48573 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Oscar |
Dwight! |
| 48574 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Clark |
What? |
| 48575 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7229 |
Kevin |
Well now I don't even feel like pie. Wait...no it's back. |
| 48576 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Phyllis |
Just drive away. Just.. |
| 48577 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Pam |
Phyllis! That's not safe. |
| 48578 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Kevin |
Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it. |
| 48579 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Pam |
Go up and check on him. He's upset. |
| 48580 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Jim |
You know he's doing all this on purpose. |
| 48581 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Pam |
Please? Just make sure he's OK? |
| 48582 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Stanley |
Hurry it up for god's sake. They're gonna be out of banana cream! |
| 48583 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Andy |
Banana cream is the first to go. We'll be lucky to get pumpkin at this point! |
| 48584 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7230 |
Meredith |
What? |
| 48585 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Jim |
Dwight? Why are you such a jerk? I am trying to do something for my wife and you keep derailing- |
| 48586 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Dwight |
I'm barren, Jim. |
| 48587 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Jim |
What? |
| 48588 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Dwight |
My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building. |
| 48589 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Jim |
Is this about the popcorn? Or the X on the ceiling? Dwight, that was a prank. |
| 48590 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Dwight |
You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank? |
| 48591 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Jim |
No. |
| 48592 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Dwight |
That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done. |
| 48593 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7231 |
Jim |
I'll take it. |
| 48594 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Nellie |
Andy? |
| 48595 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Andy |
Who is it? |
| 48596 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Nellie |
Um, is this a good time? |
| 48597 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Andy |
Yeah. Perfect time. I'm right in the middle of a rooftop crisis. Fine, let me read it. What do we have here? Uh, ok, blah blah blah blah blah, dah dah dah dah dah dah, you've made this very easy for me. It's unsignable. |
| 48598 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Nellie |
Oh, why, is there something? |
| 48599 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Andy |
It's inaccurate, dishonest and...in a word? Dongwater. |
| 48600 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Nellie |
Ah well, perhaps I could rewrite some of the- |
| 48601 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Andy |
Here's the thing, you asked me to do you a favor? I did it. I read it. Thank you very much to me for my time. Good luck with your impossible dream. |
| 48602 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7232 |
Nellie |
Alright then. |
| 48603 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Jim |
Dwight, sometimes it takes couples years to get pregnant. |
| 48604 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Dwight |
Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive? |
| 48605 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Jim |
That doesn't matter. |
| 48606 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Dwight |
What position did you use to conceive? |
| 48607 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Jim |
Ok...that's not... |
| 48608 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7233 |
Dwight |
Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim. |
| 48609 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7234 |
Andy |
British women. Famously overemotional. Am I right? |
| 48610 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7234 |
Pete |
I don't think that's Nelly. |
| 48611 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7234 |
Andy |
What? |
| 48612 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7234 |
Nellie |
Oh, oh no, no. Look, it's alright. It really isn't your fault. No, no. Look, it's...you were so kind. And it isn't anything to do with you. |
| 48613 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7235 |
Jim |
Did you ever think that because you own the building, everyone in it, we're all kinda like your children? |
| 48614 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7235 |
Dwight |
You know there's a phrase about that in German. Bildenkinder. Used almost exclusively by childless landlords to console themselves. But now? I really understand it. |
| 48615 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7235 |
Jim |
Well, now you have a bus full of real..bilden..kin.. |
| 48616 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7235 |
Dwight |
Bildenkinder. |
| 48617 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7235 |
Jim |
OK. And they're all dangerously close to not getting pie. And there's only one guy who can save them. It's not me. |
| 48618 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Pam |
Oh! Hey! How'd it go? |
| 48619 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Jim |
It's pretty good actually. |
| 48620 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 48621 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Jim |
We bonded. We got to- |
| 48622 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Oscar |
Whoa! Whoa! Dwight! |
| 48623 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Dwight |
When you don't get out of the way! Out of the way! |
| 48624 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Pam |
You feel OK now? |
| 48625 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Dwight |
Oh, better than OK. You know what honey? I'm gonna get you that rhubarb pie. |
| 48626 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Pam |
Well, actually, rhubarb is- |
| 48627 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Jim |
Don't.. |
| 48628 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Pam |
the one pie that I don't. |
| 48629 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Jim |
Don't.. |
| 48630 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Dwight |
Everybody! Hang on! |
| 48631 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7236 |
Angela |
Oh! |
| 48632 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7237 |
Jim |
Pie! Pie! Pie! |
| 48633 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7237 |
Group |
Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! |
| 48634 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7238 |
Nellie |
Oh. |
| 48635 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7238 |
Andy |
I changed my mind. |
| 48636 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7238 |
Nellie |
Oh, you signed it? |
| 48637 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7238 |
Andy |
Yeah. Not as is, obviously. Made a couple changes. Added some sentences at the end. Trust me it needed it. Well, yeah, whatever. So. |
| 48638 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7239 |
Nellie |
"She's tough in business, but tender with the people she cares about. She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents." |
| 48639 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Kevin |
I insult you, Oscar. |
| 48640 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 48641 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Kevin |
I insult you! To your face! |
| 48642 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Oscar |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 48643 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Kevin |
Then why don't you do something about it? |
| 48644 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Oscar |
Kevin, are you trying to get me to hit you? In the face with my pie? |
| 48645 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7240 |
Kevin |
You don't have the guts. You stupid, dumb, doo doo face! Yes! |
| 48646 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7241 |
Pam |
Oh my god. I'm getting so stuffed. |
| 48647 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7241 |
Jim |
We did it. |
| 48648 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7241 |
Pam |
You did it. |
| 48649 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Andy |
My name is Andy! |
| 48650 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Group |
Yeah. |
| 48651 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Andy |
I don't do drugs! |
| 48652 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Group |
Yeah. |
| 48653 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Andy |
Now check the style! |
| 48654 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Group |
Yeah. |
| 48655 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Andy |
Of Flatt & Scruggs! |
| 48656 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Group |
Yeah. |
| 48657 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Pam |
Role call. |
| 48658 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Phyllis |
Role call. |
| 48659 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Oscar |
Role call. |
| 48660 |
9 |
4 |
Work Bus |
7242 |
Creed |
What? |
| 48661 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7243 |
Dwight |
This year I decided to really get into the spirit of Halloween. |
| 48662 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7244 |
Dwight |
It may have been the costliest decision I've ever made. |
| 48663 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7245 |
Dwight |
My greased up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but ... |
| 48664 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7245 |
Jim |
It won't budge. |
| 48665 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7245 |
Dwight |
I can't get it out. Try again! |
| 48666 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7246 |
Dwight |
I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin... |
| 48667 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7246 |
Dwight |
Jim, no. No. No! No! |
| 48668 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7247 |
Dwight |
But as Jim and I discovered... No! ... any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me. |
| 48669 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7248 |
Dwight |
At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right? |
| 48670 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Erin |
Hey guys. |
| 48671 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 48672 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Erin |
Pam, what are you? |
| 48673 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Pam |
I am Dr. Cinderella. |
| 48674 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Jim |
Cece's really into princesses now. So we decided to turn them into a positive female role models. |
| 48675 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Pam |
I'm an oncologist and you are a dog. |
| 48676 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Erin |
No, I'm a puppy. Dang it! I was worried that would happen. |
| 48677 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Jim |
It's Okay. |
| 48678 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Erin |
Uh, Jim, you're not dressed up at all. |
| 48679 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Jim |
Sure I am. I am... one of the Men in Black guys. Can I have your sunglasses? |
| 48680 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7249 |
Erin |
Jim, come on. I thought we were past this. |
| 48681 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7250 |
Pam |
So the sports marketing business that Jim told everyone about except for me? |
| 48682 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7250 |
Jim |
There's a big investment lunch today, so I decided to skip the costume. |
| 48683 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7250 |
Pam |
Unless he has a secret costume that he told everyone about except for me. |
| 48684 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7250 |
Jim |
Gettin' a lot of mileage out of this, aren't ya? |
| 48685 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7250 |
Pam |
Yeah, well, get used to it, bud. |
| 48686 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
A jitterbug. You guys look great! Just a reminder. The party is right after lunch, so make sure you get all your work done before that or throw it out. Any questions? |
| 48687 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Angela |
The senator will be joining us later. |
| 48688 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Not a question. |
| 48689 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Angela |
No, it wasn't. |
| 48690 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Excellent. That reminds me, has anyone seen Treble? Anyone? I could have sworn I saw some Treble somewhere. |
| 48691 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! |
| 48692 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Aaah! So good! |
| 48693 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Dwight |
What lab did these little clones escape from? |
| 48694 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
My Cornell a capella group. |
| 48695 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Pam |
You were in an a capella group? |
| 48696 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Darryl |
You went to Cornell? |
| 48697 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha. But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our halloween party. |
| 48698 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Stanley |
Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that. |
| 48699 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Clark |
I do. I love the boss's interests. |
| 48700 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
Atta boy Clark! |
| 48701 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Meredith |
Where you boys stayin? How does it work in the rooms? Do you get a privacy partition? |
| 48702 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7251 |
Andy |
No. Nope. Nope nope nope. Stay away. |
| 48703 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7252 |
Andy |
You know what I just realized? They might actually call me up to solo on George Michael's Faith. That was one of my signature songs. Oh, man. That would be insane. I'm so not prepared. |
| 48704 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Jim |
Are you sure you're okay with me putting in this much money. |
| 48705 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Pam |
Yeah. I mean, listen if we're gonna do this thing, we should do it right. |
| 48706 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Jim |
You're the best. |
| 48707 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Pam |
I kind of am. It's crazy. |
| 48708 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Jim |
Okay. I'll see you in a little bit. |
| 48709 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 48710 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Dwight |
Jim. Look I'm eating you. |
| 48711 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Jim |
Shut up. |
| 48712 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Dwight |
Ha ha. Hey Erin, look, these are Nerds. I'm eating Jims. |
| 48713 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Dwight |
Must eat more Jims. Oink oink oink oink. |
| 48714 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Erin |
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! |
| 48715 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Dwight |
Oh no, I'm spilling Jim all over the carpet. |
| 48716 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Erin |
Stop it stop it stop it stop it! |
| 48717 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7253 |
Dwight |
Hello little pill. What do you do? |
| 48718 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7254 |
Dwight |
Dumatril is licensed to treat anxiety symptoms, such as panic attacks, excessive worrying, and fear. Translation: There's a madman in our midst. |
| 48719 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Pam |
Okay I give up. What are you? |
| 48720 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
I'm sexy Toby. |
| 48721 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Pam |
Gross. I love it. |
| 48722 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Dwight |
Dumatril! |
| 48723 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
Something wrong Dwight? |
| 48724 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Dwight |
Dumatril. |
| 48725 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
Yes? |
| 48726 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Dwight |
This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. It's for a disorder of the mind. |
| 48727 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
The mind is part of the body. |
| 48728 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Dwight |
Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... They are now off their meds. |
| 48729 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so- |
| 48730 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Dwight |
Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me. |
| 48731 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7255 |
Nellie |
Hm? |
| 48732 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7256 |
Nellie |
It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong. |
| 48733 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7257 |
Nellie |
Yeah, you're right. This man needs to be apprehended. |
| 48734 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7257 |
Dwight |
I'll get my apprehension kit. |
| 48735 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7258 |
Andy |
Ruh duh duh da dudes! What's up? |
| 48736 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7259 |
Andy |
I know that it's pathetic to re-live your college years, but cut me some slack, Okay? Because I was a freaking rock star in college. When I joined Here Comes Treble, that's when I became somebody. When I got the nickname "Boner Champ," that is when I became me. |
| 48737 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
Andy |
You didn't come here to sit in a room, right? You came here for some intergenerational bro time. Well, now's your chance! I'm here. You got Qs; I got As. |
| 48738 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
HCT Member #1 |
Did you say you've got AIDS? |
| 48739 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
Andy |
No, I don't have AIDS. That's not what I said. Next question. |
| 48740 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
Andy |
You don't have any-- Any questions about the old days? You at least want to know why they call me Boner Champ? |
| 48741 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
HCT Member #2 |
I thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. |
| 48742 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
Andy |
I'm sorry, what? |
| 48743 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
HCT Member #2 |
I just thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. |
| 48744 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7260 |
Andy |
Broccoli Rob was Broccoli Rob. Andy Bernard is the Boner Champ. |
| 48745 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7261 |
Pete |
I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year. |
| 48746 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7261 |
Creed |
Me neither. |
| 48747 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7262 |
Creed |
It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing. |
| 48748 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Andy |
I was just talking to some of the actives, and they think that you're Boner Champ. |
| 48749 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Broccoli Rob |
I'm so sorry! I don't know how that could have happened. |
| 48750 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Andy |
Did you maybe tell them that or...? |
| 48751 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Broccoli Rob |
I just-- I just started yappin' about the old days, and I guess the wine coolers were flowing, and, you know, somehow things just got hinky. |
| 48752 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Andy |
Could you just call them and tell them the truth? 'Cause I know it's really stupid, but it's also really, really, really important. |
| 48753 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Broccoli Rob |
Will do. I love you, Andy. |
| 48754 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7263 |
Andy |
Love you too. |
| 48755 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #1 |
So the workspace looks awesome. |
| 48756 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 48757 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #2 |
And the graphic designer is going to be sending in some of the logo treatments. I can't wait to see them. |
| 48758 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #3 |
You guys rock. |
| 48759 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #1 |
I killed it. |
| 48760 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #2 |
I've also been running the numbers and between our backers and our own investments, we're looking great for a full year on this. |
| 48761 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Jim |
Oh, uh, is it too late to get in? |
| 48762 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #3 |
Oh Jim, I explained everything. So you're all set. |
| 48763 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Jim |
Oh, I actually talked to my wife and we'd really like to uh you know, invest - get in on the ground floor. |
| 48764 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #2 |
Wow, well what level of investment were you thinking about? |
| 48765 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Jim |
We were thinking somewhere between five - ten thousand? I can do the full ten thousand. We should just - - all in. |
| 48766 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Businessman #3 |
Welcome aboard! |
| 48767 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7264 |
Jim |
All right. Awesome. Cool. |
| 48768 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
Hi Daryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead. |
| 48769 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Nellie |
You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning. |
| 48770 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy? |
| 48771 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Darryl |
I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks. |
| 48772 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy? |
| 48773 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Darryl |
Get under your chin first. Yeah. |
| 48774 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
Is that where the nanobots like to come in? |
| 48775 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Darryl |
Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah. |
| 48776 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
Is that how they like to get in? |
| 48777 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Darryl |
Yeah, that's crazy. |
| 48778 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7265 |
Dwight |
I don't know. I just don't know. |
| 48779 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
Andy |
Yo! Bad boys of a capella. |
| 48780 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
HCT |
Hey. |
| 48781 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
Andy |
Heard any good stories lately? Or new twists on old stories? |
| 48782 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
HCT Member #3 |
Yeah, I got a call from Broccoli Rob. I guess you really are the Boner Champ. |
| 48783 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
Andy |
Did he tell you how I got the name? |
| 48784 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
HCT Member #3 |
No. |
| 48785 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7266 |
Andy |
Spring sing â˜95. Got completely ripped on Bud Dries. I had s*x with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know. Took the face off. It just seemed easier that way. |
| 48786 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Angela |
And I told Phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted. So, anyway... Hi! Oh, Oscar, remember my husband, the senator? |
| 48787 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Oscar |
Senator Lipton, nice to see you. |
| 48788 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Senator Lipton |
Nice to see you Oscar. |
| 48789 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Angela |
Wait a second, who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem! |
| 48790 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Senator Lipton |
So Oscar, you're a dinosaur. |
| 48791 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Oscar |
Actually I'm the electoral college. |
| 48792 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Senator Lipton |
Ouch! Right on target. |
| 48793 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Angela |
You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk, okay? Sorry babe.. Phyllis! |
| 48794 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Senator Lipton |
God, it's just so good to see you. |
| 48795 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Oscar |
I, uh, huh, just |
| 48796 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7267 |
Senator Lipton |
All having this wonderful Halloween gathering. Excuse me, is that punch? |
| 48797 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7268 |
Andy |
They didn't know about the snowman story, and when I told â˜em, they were not impressed. |
| 48798 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7268 |
Erin |
What is with these turkeys? |
| 48799 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7268 |
Andy |
Right? |
| 48800 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
Erin |
Hey! You better do â˜Faith.' You get me? |
| 48801 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
HCT Member #3 |
We don't know it. |
| 48802 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
Erin |
So learn it. You all go to Cornell, you're like eight Rain men. Just learning the friggin' song. |
| 48803 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
HCT Member #3 |
Look, I know it was big with the old guys, but-- |
| 48804 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
Erin |
Buts... are for pooping. Okay? Make it work. You have to or Andy will flip out... And make it a surprise, please. This isn't stupid. |
| 48805 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7269 |
Pete |
What? |
| 48806 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Toby |
Hey. |
| 48807 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
Hey. |
| 48808 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Hey Toby. |
| 48809 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Toby |
Are... are you me? |
| 48810 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Yes. |
| 48811 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Toby |
Oh my goodness, look. Look at this. |
| 48812 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Yeah. I... |
| 48813 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Yes. I thought I'd you know, be you. |
| 48814 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Toby |
Look at.. Look at me. |
| 48815 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
It's funny right? |
| 48816 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
All right. All right, just ...stay focused on the pill. |
| 48817 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety. |
| 48818 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. I have land disputes I've got to settle and idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er- do- well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this. |
| 48819 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Meredith |
Cool. Free upper. |
| 48820 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
Ah ha! Ha!!! The jig is up, psychopath! Ah yeah! Gotcha! |
| 48821 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Meredith |
Don't dog catch me! |
| 48822 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
Gotcha! Yeah! Let's see ya get out of this web, huh? |
| 48823 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Meredith |
Let me out! |
| 48824 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
The pill is mine. |
| 48825 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 48826 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Get her out. |
| 48827 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 48828 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Meredith |
Stop baggin' my head! |
| 48829 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7270 |
Nellie |
Oh Dwight, look, its just a pill, all right? It's for anxiety. I take it every day. And it makes me feel better. And maybe it could help you too. |
| 48830 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Hey, how'd it go? |
| 48831 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Oh man, it was great. They were great. |
| 48832 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Did you end up investing? |
| 48833 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
I did, yeah. |
| 48834 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
How much? |
| 48835 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Uh, man, by the end I guess it was about... ten... |
| 48836 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
About ten? |
| 48837 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Ten. It was the full ten. |
| 48838 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 48839 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 48840 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 48841 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Yeah. Yeah. It's a good thing we talked about it though, because we had to... |
| 48842 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
No yeah. Yeah. |
| 48843 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 48844 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
So did everybody ... |
| 48845 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
What is it? |
| 48846 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Did everybody end up investing ten thousand? |
| 48847 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Um, oh man, I don't actually know. |
| 48848 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
What? |
| 48849 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
They weren't really talking that much about money. They just said, We're good with investing and then I...and I... |
| 48850 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Andy |
Ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! |
| 48851 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
They said they were done with the investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars? |
| 48852 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
No, no, I had to. Look, I needed to look like a team player, Pam. |
| 48853 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player? |
| 48854 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
You weren't there. |
| 48855 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
It was very clear that ten thousand was what we had...we should talk about it later. |
| 48856 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Talk about it now. |
| 48857 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 48858 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Pam |
Jim, that was most of our savings. |
| 48859 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Clark |
Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? â˜Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths. |
| 48860 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7271 |
Creed |
Yeah. That's what she said. |
| 48861 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7272 |
Clark |
What, am I overdoing it? No. No. |
| 48862 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7273 |
Pam |
We said some. We said â˜some.' |
| 48863 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7273 |
Jim |
We'll talk about it later. |
| 48864 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7273 |
Pam |
We said part not all. |
| 48865 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Clark |
Yes! All right! |
| 48866 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
Oh Man! |
| 48867 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Clark |
That's how you do that! Whoo! |
| 48868 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT |
Thank you. |
| 48869 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Stanley |
Show some pride. This is crap. |
| 48870 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Dwight |
I agree. Yes, crap. Continue. |
| 48871 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
Now folks, by special request, we're going to take it a little old school. There is a former Trebler in this room. |
| 48872 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Darryl |
Who? |
| 48873 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
It's Mr. Andy Bernard! |
| 48874 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
No. Do not sing that. Do not... Oh man... |
| 48875 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
He reminded us today of how much he means to us. And we certainly seem to mean a lot to him, so without any further ado, here's an old Treble classic. |
| 48876 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
Whoa! Whoa! What the hell is Broccoli Rob doing here? |
| 48877 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
She said you wanted to hear â˜Faith'. That's Broccoli Rob's signature song. |
| 48878 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
That's my signature song. |
| 48879 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
I really didn't know that man. I just thought you wanted to hear it. |
| 48880 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
Russell, I'm dressed like George Michael. |
| 48881 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
HCT Member #3 |
I thought you were Adam Lambert. |
| 48882 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7274 |
Andy |
Wha...? |
| 48883 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7275 |
Erin |
The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it's kind of pathetic. But when you're with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them, and that is love. |
| 48884 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Erin |
Are you okay? |
| 48885 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
He's still mad. |
| 48886 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
Shut up, Broccoli. |
| 48887 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
Champ, I feel awful about this whole thing. Russell called me up. And they said they needed 20 cc's of George Michael stat. So just... Wham! I sprang into action. You know me. I assumed you wanted to hear me do your signature number. |
| 48888 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
You thought I wanted to sit in the audience like some slutty Treb rat? A man's signature solo is his for life, okay? That's group policy and you know it. |
| 48889 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
Look, it's not my fault that I still live near campus, and it's my duty as an alum to be friendly to the young guys., and stop in two, three times a week. |
| 48890 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
Just don't do the song anymore. |
| 48891 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
I tell you what, we'll have a sing-off for it. You pick twelve alums from any year to back you up and I'll do the same, and I'm so confident that I'll win, I won't even warm up. |
| 48892 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
Fine, go ahead. Thrash your pipes. |
| 48893 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
My pipes are primo, Champ. Why don't you ask Trey Anastasio about my pipes? |
| 48894 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
I knew you would go there, you son of a bitch! |
| 48895 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
He said, and I quote, â˜Hey Rob, nice pipes'. That happened! |
| 48896 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
OK, fine, yeah. that's one guy's opinion! |
| 48897 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Broccoli Rob |
That's real. 'That'll never change! |
| 48898 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Erin |
Okay! |
| 48899 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7276 |
Andy |
Doesn't mean you're the best singer ever. Dick. |
| 48900 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Jim |
I thought that concert was pretty great. |
| 48901 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Kevin |
Oh yeah. I decided that acapelca music is awesome. |
| 48902 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Angela |
They lost me when they sang â˜Monster Mash'. That song obviously glorifies the occult. |
| 48903 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Jim |
Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing â˜Monster Mash'. |
| 48904 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Pam |
Oh you have to Jim? You literally have to? |
| 48905 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Jim |
Uh... |
| 48906 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Pam |
No I'm just, I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be shot? |
| 48907 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Jim |
Okay. We'll, just forget it. |
| 48908 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Pam |
No! No, I'm interested. I mean I think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it. |
| 48909 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Jim |
Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in. |
| 48910 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7277 |
Pam |
Yeah, yeah, no, no. It's a good idea to brush your teeth. But you have to um, feed your children. Send them to school. You know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing â˜Monster Mash.' |
| 48911 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7278 |
Kevin |
It turns out, that Pam? Really, really hates â˜Monster Mash.' I mean like, never bring that song up in front of her. Even though Jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, Pam was like, No! Hate it! Stupid! |
| 48912 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
This is all so silly right? What am I gonna do? Move back to Cornell? |
| 48913 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 48914 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
I mean, what if we did that? Like we got jobs and we were happy all the time? |
| 48915 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Oh well, Andy, we're not moving to Cornell. |
| 48916 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
Duh. I know. That would be insane. |
| 48917 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 48918 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
It could totally work though. I don't know why we wouldn't. Oh my god are we doing this? |
| 48919 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Oy. Andy, what's going on? |
| 48920 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
If I am not Boner Champ, I don't know who I am. |
| 48921 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Well, um, you know maybe you're the wise old guy that the new uh, B-O-N-E-R champ looks up to. You know, you could just-- |
| 48922 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
Make a donation. |
| 48923 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Well, I was gonna say, be a mentor. |
| 48924 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Andy |
Yes. I am gonna make a donation. And it just so happens that I know someone who works at the Bernard Family Foundation. Her name is mom. |
| 48925 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7279 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 48926 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Dwight |
whispering] I want some of those pills. |
| 48927 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Nellie |
Oh, well good for you. I mean, you'll need a prescription. |
| 48928 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. No, no, no. no. They're not for me. They're for my cousin Mose. He's just having a tough time, being wifeless, and a high pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose. Other cousin Mose. |
| 48929 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Nellie |
Mm. Got it. Well, you tell Mose that he's a good man and that I hope he feels better. |
| 48930 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Dwight |
Which one? Mose or the real Mose? |
| 48931 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Nellie |
The real Mose. |
| 48932 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7280 |
Dwight |
He says Thank you. |
| 48933 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7281 |
Andy |
Mom, I had this really charitable idea to set up this scholarship for a capella kids at Cornell and just need to wire some money over there. What? |
| 48934 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7281 |
Erin |
What's wrong? |
| 48935 |
9 |
5 |
Here Comes Treble |
7281 |
Andy |
My parents are broke. |
| 48936 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7282 |
Oscar |
Can you guys come with me for a minute? |
| 48937 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7283 |
Oscar |
I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion. ...Why? |
| 48938 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7284 |
Andy |
Alright, good. Yeah. Just sell it and get the best price you can, okay? |
| 48939 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7284 |
White |
Or we can hope for a holiday rally? |
| 48940 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7284 |
Andy |
White, I'm not a day trader, I'm just a first responder in a disaster. |
| 48941 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7285 |
Pam |
Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman. |
| 48942 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7285 |
Jim |
And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar. |
| 48943 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7285 |
Pam |
The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just..so.. |
| 48944 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7285 |
Jim |
Competent. |
| 48945 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7285 |
Pam |
Right? |
| 48946 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7286 |
Andy |
Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, him. |
| 48947 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7287 |
Oscar |
Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok? |
| 48948 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7287 |
Kevin |
That's beautiful. No, I totally get that. |
| 48949 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7287 |
Oscar |
Can you do this, Kevin? |
| 48950 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7287 |
Kevin |
I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that. |
| 48951 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7287 |
Oscar |
I don't know what that means. Hey, hey- |
| 48952 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7288 |
Pam |
Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. Hey guys! Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio? |
| 48953 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7288 |
Creed |
Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show. |
| 48954 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7288 |
Pam |
Nope, that's Dr. Laura. Well, her show Biz Whiz wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues? |
| 48955 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7288 |
Dwight |
I do! I do. I do. I do. I do. |
| 48956 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7289 |
Dwight |
The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? "Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." It's that easy. |
| 48957 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Meredith |
Hey, so that good looking single brother of yours? Heard he's on a downward spiral with booze. |
| 48958 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Andy |
Yeah. He's in rehab actually. |
| 48959 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Meredith |
Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour. |
| 48960 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Andy |
No, it's in New Mexico. |
| 48961 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Meredith |
Oh...So..- how are you holding up? |
| 48962 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7290 |
Andy |
We're done Meredith. |
| 48963 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7291 |
Dwight |
blah blah blah, rat tat tat tittle tattled and prattled on about the little metal bottle, she spat a bit of spittle... |
| 48964 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7291 |
Jim |
Dwight! |
| 48965 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7291 |
Dwight |
...In a bitter battle..Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, OK? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason. |
| 48966 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7291 |
Jim |
No, you chose yourself. |
| 48967 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7291 |
Dwight |
Tricky siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit.... |
| 48968 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Andy |
Alright, guys. A lot of assets here that my dad couldn't steal. Now, first of all, there is the family boat. 43 foot Tartan Sloop. My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas, the sale would cover the cost of a condo and living expenses for my mom. |
| 48969 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Darryl |
Sounds great. |
| 48970 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Oscar |
Perfect. |
| 48971 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Andy |
Totally, except it is a no go. This boat was the heart and soul of the family. So...what else we got? Non-boat ideas. |
| 48972 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Kevin |
What happened? |
| 48973 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Angela |
Jammed. This day couldn't get worse. |
| 48974 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I think this day could get worse. |
| 48975 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Angela |
What does that mean? |
| 48976 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Oscar |
Kevin! |
| 48977 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Kevin |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 48978 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Erin |
She could get like sixty packages of Ramen noodles for five bucks. She could eat for a month. |
| 48979 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Andy |
Alright, what's the grand total? Did we make our nut? |
| 48980 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Darryl |
If we sell everything but the boat, your mom should be set for about six months. |
| 48981 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Andy |
Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born. |
| 48982 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Erin |
Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories? |
| 48983 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Darryl |
I worked at a Jiffy Lube. |
| 48984 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Erin |
See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you Darryl? |
| 48985 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Darryl |
I would if I owned it and I went broke. |
| 48986 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7292 |
Andy |
Alright, uh...alright. I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat. |
| 48987 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7293 |
Andy |
Yes the boat means everything to my family, but we need the money. Got the memories, don't need the boat. Can't cry about it. What are you gonna do? Cry about it? Excuse me. |
| 48988 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7294 |
Pam |
Oh, OK. No problem. Thanks. Hey guys, WPTU called. The interview's off. They're opening a new cupcake store at the Steamtown Mall and Iris wants to cover that, so... |
| 48989 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7294 |
Nellie |
Well why don't I go and tell Dwight so he can stop being such a complete nipple. |
| 48990 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7294 |
Pam |
He's gonna be disappointed. |
| 48991 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7294 |
Jim |
Yes. He is. And you know what? We cannot let that happen. |
| 48992 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7295 |
Pete |
Fax? |
| 48993 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7295 |
Erin |
Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. He's seriously juvenile. |
| 48994 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7295 |
Pete |
Cool. He's like 40 though, right? |
| 48995 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7295 |
Erin |
Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops. |
| 48996 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7295 |
Pete |
Awesome. Have fun. |
| 48997 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7296 |
Dwight |
Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- This is Dwight Shrute. |
| 48998 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7296 |
Pam |
Please hold for Ms. Black. |
| 48999 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7296 |
Nellie |
And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Shrute. |
| 49000 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7296 |
Dwight |
Iris, thank you so much for having me. |
| 49001 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7297 |
Erin |
Hey! My teeth are all this stuff in my mouth. |
| 49002 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7297 |
Andy |
Uh, did you need something? |
| 49003 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7297 |
Erin |
Oh, I just need your signature on this. |
| 49004 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7297 |
Andy |
Ok. thanks. |
| 49005 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7298 |
Angela |
Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more? |
| 49006 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7298 |
Kevin |
I... did not. |
| 49007 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7298 |
Angela |
I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore. |
| 49008 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7298 |
Kevin |
Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you..oh! I have to go to the bathroom! |
| 49009 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7298 |
Angela |
That doesn't surprise me. |
| 49010 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7299 |
Oscar |
That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom. |
| 49011 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7300 |
Jim |
See these forms... |
| 49012 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7300 |
Kevin |
I have to go to the bathroom! |
| 49013 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7301 |
Kevin |
I have to go to the bathroom! |
| 49014 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Ok, who wants to go for a super fun lunch with a super fun girlfriend? |
| 49015 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Look, it's not that I don't want- |
| 49016 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Ok, come on. I got someone to cover the phones, I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place we could go for dessert...perfect. |
| 49017 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. But dad wouldn't let me. Said "You can't be a skipper until you're a man." You know, I'd reach for the wheel and he'd smack my hand away. Well guess what? Now I'm the man of the family and... we're selling the damn thing. So I'm never gonna have the chance. |
| 49018 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Well, when does the boat leave, exactly? |
| 49019 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Tonight. |
| 49020 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail. |
| 49021 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Yeah right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. We have to leave like right now. |
| 49022 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Ok, well then let's leave like right now. |
| 49023 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Yeah, ok. |
| 49024 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Yeah! OK! Let's go. |
| 49025 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Seriously? |
| 49026 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Of course, seriously. Get your coat on. |
| 49027 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Alright. |
| 49028 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Alright. |
| 49029 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Andy |
Let's do it. |
| 49030 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7302 |
Erin |
Let's do it! |
| 49031 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Dwight |
Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on. |
| 49032 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Nellie |
So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command? |
| 49033 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Dwight |
Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris. |
| 49034 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Nellie |
Uh, excuse me. I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons? |
| 49035 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Dwight |
Yes..? |
| 49036 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Nellie |
I'm so sorry we're going to have to ask you to remove the shirt all together. |
| 49037 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Dwight |
Now then, we were saying. When my workers-gather- |
| 49038 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Nellie |
Oh, I'm so sorry. I am told we are still having problems Mr. Shrute. Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine. |
| 49039 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Dwight |
That's impossible. |
| 49040 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7303 |
Nellie |
Are you by any chance wearing pants with a metallic zipper? |
| 49041 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Angela |
The Senator is exhausted. This campaign is wearing him out. |
| 49042 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Oscar |
That's a tough one. |
| 49043 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Angela |
That man he's up against is so dirty. And the senator's just pushing back as hard as he can. |
| 49044 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Kevin |
Please, stop. |
| 49045 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Angela |
What? |
| 49046 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Kevin |
Please, stop. |
| 49047 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Angela |
Anyways, last night he was tired and just wanted a little Mexican brought in. |
| 49048 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7304 |
Kevin |
I can't, it's too much! |
| 49049 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7305 |
Oscar |
I'm in big trouble. |
| 49050 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7306 |
Kevin |
Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble. |
| 49051 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7307 |
Dwight |
OK, how is my voice now? |
| 49052 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7307 |
Nellie |
I'm getting the all clear from Steve, so Mr. Shrute, what is your response to the consumer product safety commission that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic? |
| 49053 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7307 |
Dwight |
This is gotcha journalism. You know what? They're not gonna gotch me. |
| 49054 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7308 |
Oscar |
It's clearly not an accounting mistake. |
| 49055 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7308 |
Toby |
Yeah. |
| 49056 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7308 |
Oscar |
So... |
| 49057 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7308 |
Toby |
Kevin. His gambling problem must've resurfaced. I'm gonna have to send him home until I can do an investigation. |
| 49058 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7308 |
Oscar |
Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. |
| 49059 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
This is slander, Ms. Black. Slander I say! I dare you to produce one credible source about this. |
| 49060 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Nellie |
Well, as it happens we have with us the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, Sandra Mc...Sandra Mick |
| 49061 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Pam |
Good afternoon Iris, it's a pleasure. |
| 49062 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Nellie |
Let's get straight to the point. Is your paper toxic? |
| 49063 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Pam |
No the paper's not toxic. |
| 49064 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
Thank you Sandra! |
| 49065 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Pam |
Unless it's exposed to oxygen. Then it becomes extremely toxic! |
| 49066 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
Do not listen to her! This employee is obviously disgruntled! |
| 49067 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Jim |
What the heck is going on?! The stock prices are plummeting! Are you gonna take control of the message or do I have to send in someone who understands the media?! |
| 49068 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
Get out of here moron! |
| 49069 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Nellie |
Excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to? |
| 49070 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
uhhhh....no one. |
| 49071 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Nellie |
Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron? |
| 49072 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Dwight |
No, everything's fine. |
| 49073 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7309 |
Nellie |
Are you insulting my guests? |
| 49074 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7310 |
Kevin |
Yeah, I will be right there. Hey Oscar, what if I'm getting a promotion? |
| 49075 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7310 |
Oscar |
I hope that's it, Kevin. |
| 49076 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7310 |
Kevin |
Me too. Cause then, I would get my own office. And I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela. I've been really worried about that. |
| 49077 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Toby |
Hi, Kevin. Look, I need to talk to you about- |
| 49078 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Kevin |
Hi. |
| 49079 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Oscar |
Guys? Excuse me. Um, a quick word, please just.. |
| 49080 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Kevin |
Oscar, we're in the middle of talking. |
| 49081 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Oscar |
Oh, you're right I'm so sorry. Snack machine on me. |
| 49082 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Kevin |
Oh that is nice. Classy move. |
| 49083 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Dwight |
That's what I'm saying! No of course not! |
| 49084 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7311 |
Kevin |
What are you doing? |
| 49085 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
Those figures I gave you? They're false. |
| 49086 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
How? |
| 49087 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
I was mad at Kevin, we had a fight and I acted vindictively. |
| 49088 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
So you set him up. |
| 49089 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
Yes, he's innocent. |
| 49090 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
I knew it. I knew it from the beginning it was possible. |
| 49091 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
What are you talking about? I just did this now. |
| 49092 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
A few years ago, when I was on the jury of the Scranton Strangler.. |
| 49093 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
Sure. |
| 49094 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
I always thought he might have been set up but I felt pressured to convict. |
| 49095 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Oscar |
That's gotta be tough. |
| 49096 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7312 |
Toby |
Tough? I put an innocent man on death row. |
| 49097 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7313 |
Nellie |
The fallout from this morning's revelation continues to mount, since Mr. Dwight Shrute began speaking, Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. Mr. Shrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. Can we announce your resignation at this time? |
| 49098 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7313 |
Dwight |
My resignation? What are you talking about? No! I was just following orders! Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the CEO and chairman, David Wallace! |
| 49099 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7314 |
Erin |
That's yours? |
| 49100 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7314 |
Andy |
That's the family boat! |
| 49101 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7314 |
Erin |
Oh my gosh, Andy! This is enormous! |
| 49102 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7314 |
Andy |
Right? |
| 49103 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7314 |
Erin |
I thought it was gonna be tiny. Oh my gosh it's beautiful. So this is how your family came to America. |
| 49104 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
Move. |
| 49105 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Sorry? |
| 49106 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
Trying to rig a boat here. I don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way. |
| 49107 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Sure, I um..I didn't know. |
| 49108 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people. |
| 49109 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Ok. |
| 49110 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Erin |
Gee, he was salty. |
| 49111 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Geez, a little bit. How you doing old buddy? Missed you. |
| 49112 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Erin |
What does that one do? |
| 49113 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
It raises the main sail. That was my job when we went sailing. |
| 49114 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Erin |
I wish I had seen you do it. |
| 49115 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Really? |
| 49116 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 49117 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Up she goes! |
| 49118 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
Don't do that. Don't do that. |
| 49119 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Oh, it's OK. My girlfriend and I were actually gonna take her for a little spin and a picnic before you guys head out tonight. You know what? Get some dinner on me. |
| 49120 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
Nope. Can't do that. |
| 49121 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
You got it. You know what then, we'll just take it for a quick little spin around the harbor. |
| 49122 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
We've already started boarding. And no one is insured to rig her up right now except us. |
| 49123 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
You know what? Chill, ok? I own the boat. Not gonna sue myself. Alright, so just- wow. |
| 49124 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
I can smack you all day if you keep touching what you're not supposed to touch. |
| 49125 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Ok, fine. |
| 49126 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
OK. |
| 49127 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Yeah, fine. |
| 49128 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Boat Guy |
Good stuff. |
| 49129 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7315 |
Andy |
Good stuff. Nice stuff. Damn it! Screw you dad! ..ah. |
| 49130 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
Well, we're doing it. We're finally having a picnic on the boat. |
| 49131 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
I've had a thousand picnics on this boat. The point was for me to sail it. |
| 49132 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man. |
| 49133 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
Fine. But I could have. |
| 49134 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
As long as we're on this boat, as far as I'm concerned, you're the captain. |
| 49135 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
I am the captain. |
| 49136 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 49137 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
Right? |
| 49138 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 49139 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
I'm the captain. Hey, charm school. |
| 49140 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Boat Guy |
What? |
| 49141 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
I'm taking it over from here. |
| 49142 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Erin |
Nice! |
| 49143 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Boat Guy |
I hate to uh, ruin this moment...or breakdown, but you already signed the papers. So, if you want your boat back, you can pick it up there in the Bahamas in 10 days. |
| 49144 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
Yeah, I know cause I'm sailing it there. |
| 49145 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Boat Guy |
OK, no. I already said, you're not getting back your deposit. |
| 49146 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7316 |
Andy |
Fine. Good. Keep it. Just leave the supplies, I paid for those. But how much for that cool fisherman sweater? |
| 49147 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Nellie |
For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich. Where police have surrounded the house of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. Wallace is said to be despondent over the company's stock plummet and is taking a mailman hostage. On the line, we have chief of Greenwich Police, Mr. Bill Jackson . |
| 49148 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Jim |
Good afternoon! |
| 49149 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Dwight |
Please sir! Spare him. Please. |
| 49150 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Jim |
Uh, this Wallace guy is lookin' at hard time. And we only know this because of what Dwight Snoot said on record! |
| 49151 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Dwight |
Ok, everyone. Everyone, hold on! I've got a solution. I know Wallace's phone number, everyone hold, I'll conference him in. |
| 49152 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7317 |
Nellie |
Oh, Mr. Shrute, there's really no need to, um involve Mr... Wallace. |
| 49153 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Erin |
Do you even know what you're doing? |
| 49154 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Andy |
Yeah. Yeah I know how to hoist the mail sail, I know to...I, I, these buttons control boat pumps and stuff. I also know where the booze stash is. So, hello. Walt? |
| 49155 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Walt Jr. |
Oh god, thank goodness you're here. I was having a little trouble with this door. Yesterday. I um, I think it was yesterday. |
| 49156 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Andy |
I thought you were in rehab. |
| 49157 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Walt Jr. |
Yeah, uh, I just, I figured I'd get that first relapse out of the way. God, what's happened to our family? Everything is so messed up! How did you even know I was in here? |
| 49158 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Andy |
I didn't. I, I just came to say goodbye to the boat. But I've decided to sail it to Bermuda. |
| 49159 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Erin |
Bahamas, Andy. |
| 49160 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7318 |
Andy |
Same thing. Come on. I need a crew. You should be my crew. Three weeks, open ocean, no booze. You need this. I need it, we need this. Serious bro time, come on. |
| 49161 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Hello? |
| 49162 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
David, is that you? |
| 49163 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Dwight? |
| 49164 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
Oh, thank god. Oh, thank god. Are you ok? Is everyone ok? |
| 49165 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Yeah? Are you ok? |
| 49166 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
Oh, I'm OK. I just want you to know that I believe in you. I really do. And I believe in your ability to make the right choices. I always have, David. |
| 49167 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Well, thanks Dwight. |
| 49168 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
You're welcome, sir. But David, listen to me carefully. I'm gonna need you to let the mailman go. Ok? |
| 49169 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Dwight? |
| 49170 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
Walk out of the house... |
| 49171 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
What? |
| 49172 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
Dwight |
...with your hands on top of your head, everything is going to be fine. Dunder Mifflin will be in good hands while you're away in prison. |
| 49173 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7319 |
David Wallace |
Ok, Dwight, gonna ask you to not call my cell anymore. Gotta go. |
| 49174 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7320 |
Dwight |
Wait a minute, you guys? You heard? |
| 49175 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7320 |
All |
Shrute! Shrute! Shrute!Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! |
| 49176 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7320 |
Dwight |
Shrute! Shrute! |
| 49177 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7321 |
Dwight |
Overall, I'd say my first radio interview went pretty much the way I expected. |
| 49178 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Kevin |
Well Oscar, I did not get the promotion. He just wanted to update my personal information. |
| 49179 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Oscar |
Well, I am sorry Kevin. |
| 49180 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Angela |
Why on earth would you think you were getting a promotion? |
| 49181 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Kevin |
You know what Angela? I- Oh my god. |
| 49182 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Angela |
Honey! What are you doing here? |
| 49183 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Senator Lipton |
I just had a little intuition that someone I loved needed a little bit of attention today. Oscar, you're looking very healthy. Getting lots of vigorous exercise? |
| 49184 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Oscar |
No. |
| 49185 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Angela |
Oscar? What is going on? What was that? |
| 49186 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Senator Lipton |
What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense. I was just trying to be friendly. |
| 49187 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Oscar |
You know what? I'm sorry. I overreacted. Because I'm stressed out. Why am I stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who- |
| 49188 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Kevin |
Come on Oscar, we're not just gonna sit here and ignore the obvious. Senator Lipton has a big election next week. We all need to give him our support. |
| 49189 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Senator Lipton |
Well, thanks everybody. |
| 49190 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Kevin |
It is really cool! U-S-A! U-S-A! |
| 49191 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7322 |
Oscar |
U..s..a. U- |
| 49192 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7323 |
Oscar |
I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. Uh, he showed a lot of self-control. |
| 49193 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7324 |
Kevin |
I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. Oscar is having s*x with the senator and Angela doesn't even know. Her life is a complete sham! |
| 49194 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7325 |
Andy |
Alright guys, cast us off. Walt, all aboard! Erin, this is because of you. Do you realize that? You're the best ever! |
| 49195 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7325 |
Erin |
Oh, you know. Just being a good girlfriend. |
| 49196 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7325 |
Andy |
Good? Come on. Above and beyond. World's Greatest. You did this! Dammit I'm happy! |
| 49197 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7326 |
Erin |
Yes, I am very pleased I did help Andy. Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? Yes. I think it would have been really fun and romantic. |
| 49198 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Andy |
I'll see you in three weeks! |
| 49199 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Erin |
OK! |
| 49200 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Walt Jr. |
Hey bro! It was here all along. |
| 49201 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Andy |
No way! |
| 49202 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Walt Jr. |
Way! |
| 49203 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7327 |
Andy |
Erin I gotta go! Them's my chords! |
| 49204 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Hey. She's back. |
| 49205 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
Thanks for covering the phones. |
| 49206 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Yeah, no problem. How was it? |
| 49207 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
Fine. |
| 49208 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Hey, some buddies of mine are going to Poor Richard's for beers and pool, you wanna come? I can't promise you too much, but uh, you might get to meet my friend flipper. |
| 49209 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
Does he have a flipper? |
| 49210 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Oh. Nope. It's not that, he uh, uh he flipped a table one time when he was drunk. |
| 49211 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
He sounds like an idiot. |
| 49212 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Yeah, he is. |
| 49213 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
Ok. |
| 49214 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Ok. |
| 49215 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Erin |
Thanks. |
| 49216 |
9 |
6 |
The Boat |
7328 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 49217 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Andy |
Ah, what else? I've seen Dirty Dancing like, ten times. Breaks my heart every time, you know? |
| 49218 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Everyone |
Whoa! |
| 49219 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Pam |
Andy. |
| 49220 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Andy |
That Swayze sure can dance dirty. |
| 49221 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Phyllis |
Don't you have any sunblock? |
| 49222 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7329 |
Andy |
No, Walter J has been hoarding it. You want to worry about a part of my body, worry about my eyes. They're like two flaming meatballs in my skull. |
| 49223 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7330 |
Erin |
Last week Andy set sail for the Bahamas to sell his family's boat, and he took his brother, but not me. I was kind of sad at first, but then I remembered that Bob Marley song -- No, woman. No cry. |
| 49224 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Andy |
Check this out. Keeps my hair out of my stare, also helps me combat the glare bear. That's what I call the sun now. |
| 49225 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Darryl |
Andy, it's Darryl. Take your drawers off your head. |
| 49226 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Andy |
What else can I show you? Oh, damn it! |
| 49227 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Erin |
Oh, Andy, was.. was that your drinking water? |
| 49228 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Andy |
Yeah, it was. That's okay though. I got this cool desalinator device. It sucks up sea water through this hose and pumps out fresh water. See, check it out. Ow! |
| 49229 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Everyone |
Oh! |
| 49230 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7331 |
Andy |
Ah! That's not good. I better sign off. I hate to get going. I mean these skype sessions are, like, the only thing that keep me sane out here, you know? |
| 49231 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7332 |
Darryl |
He's been sailing for two days. |
| 49232 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7333 |
Andy |
I will leave you with this. The image of a man and his boat. Burn this into your brains. |
| 49233 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7333 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 49234 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7333 |
Andy |
No. No! Nooo! |
| 49235 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7333 |
Erin |
Andy? Andy! Andy! Andy. Oh. |
| 49236 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute. Well, hi there David Wallace. Why would you ever call me when the manager is out of town? |
| 49237 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
David |
Well, I have some very exciting news. |
| 49238 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Dwight |
And you didn't call Jim - that seems significant. |
| 49239 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Jim |
Hi, David. |
| 49240 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
David |
Jim, good! You should hear this too. |
| 49241 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Dwight |
No, he shouldn't. |
| 49242 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Jim |
Go ahead David, I'm listening. |
| 49243 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Dwight |
Okay, David, I want to take you off speaker but... I don't know where I'd put you. |
| 49244 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
David |
Guys, listen, this is big news. The Scranton White Pages just got in contact with my office the day before yesterday. They've apparently just dropped the supplier they've been with for the last ten years. . |
| 49245 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7334 |
Dwight |
The White Pages. |
| 49246 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7335 |
Dwight |
The White Pages: Do you want it? No. Do you use it? No. Does it inexplicably show up on your doorstep three times a year? Yes, yes, and yes. There's a reason that we in the paper industry call this thing "the White Whale". Look at all that sweet blubber. |
| 49247 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
David |
Look, we need our top salesman running point on this and Dwight, that is you. |
| 49248 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
I'm gonna need to put you on hold for a second. Hah! Yah! Woooo! Eat it Jim! Eat it Phyllis! Eat... where's Stanley? |
| 49249 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Erin |
He's in the bathroom. |
| 49250 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
Will you run into the bathroom and tell him to eat it? |
| 49251 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Erin |
Of course. |
| 49252 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Okay. Hey David, I'm back. |
| 49253 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Erin |
Eat it Stanley! |
| 49254 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
So uh, last I remember Tom Peterman was in charge of that account? |
| 49255 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
David |
No, I spoke with the receptionist over there. It's someone new but she didn't catch her name. |
| 49256 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
Her name? |
| 49257 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Phyllis |
No, hey, Dwight shouldn't... |
| 49258 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
Shhh! Thanks David! Thank you so much for calling me! |
| 49259 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
David |
Good luck! |
| 49260 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
Good luck to you. |
| 49261 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Phyllis |
Dwight, you can't go. You have a problem with women. You can't sell to them. |
| 49262 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
That is a damnable lie. I love women. |
| 49263 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Phyllis |
Gina Rogers at Apex Technology said you called her â˜gy-na' for your entire meeting. |
| 49264 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Nellie |
Ew. That's not good. |
| 49265 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, she said she corrected him five times. |
| 49266 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Dwight |
â˜Gy-na' said that? |
| 49267 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Phyllis |
Guys, we can't let Dwight blow this. An account this size could double our growth. That means raises, bonuses... Pizza Friday could come back. |
| 49268 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Meredith |
Hey remember that week in the 90's when we got bagels? |
| 49269 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Creed |
I miss Clinton. |
| 49270 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Pam |
Can you go instead? |
| 49271 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7336 |
Jim |
I can't. I have the thing. |
| 49272 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7337 |
Jim |
I have this conference call today with this company in Philly that I'm helping start. Ah, first board meeting. Also, the first time I've ever been excited about work. So, that feels... wrong. |
| 49273 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7338 |
Pete |
Okay, call down. It's just me, not Tom Selleck. |
| 49274 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7338 |
Kevin |
Nice! |
| 49275 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7339 |
Pete |
Toby got us all to participate in Movember. It's a charity for prostate cancer. You pledge money and then you grow a mustache for the month of November. |
| 49276 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7339 |
Clark |
So, this is how we look now. I hope you like being turned on all the time. |
| 49277 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7340 |
Darryl |
Daaaaamn! It just keeps on coming, huh? |
| 49278 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7340 |
Toby |
I have very fertile hair glands. |
| 49279 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7341 |
Toby |
I am so glad I got all of the dudes to do Movember. We have the dopest time back in the annex. |
| 49280 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7342 |
Clark |
God! |
| 49281 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7343 |
Toby |
We even go to lunch, pick up babes. |
| 49282 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7344 |
Toby |
Smile if you love men's prostates. |
| 49283 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Angela |
Hi. |
| 49284 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Oscar |
Hi. |
| 49285 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Angela |
Spring cleaning? |
| 49286 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Oscar |
More like fall cleaning. |
| 49287 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Angela |
I think the senator is having an affair. |
| 49288 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Oscar |
This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... what? |
| 49289 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7345 |
Angela |
I think the senator is having an affair. |
| 49290 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7346 |
Oscar |
I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed. |
| 49291 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
When he comes home in the morning, he has this secret little smile. |
| 49292 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
Oh, I'm sure ...that's nothing. |
| 49293 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
And he's always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class - it's Hot Yoga with Blake. |
| 49294 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake? |
| 49295 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
I don't know. |
| 49296 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
I just never heard about the senator and yoga... |
| 49297 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
Right. |
| 49298 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already? |
| 49299 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
Right? |
| 49300 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
And Blake! All right Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out. |
| 49301 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Angela |
What? |
| 49302 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7347 |
Oscar |
Angela, I'll go with you. |
| 49303 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Phyllis |
So, uh, show us how you'd normally sell to a female client. |
| 49304 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
Okay. With pleasure. Get ready to learn a few new tricks, old dog. |
| 49305 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Pam |
You've got this Schrute. |
| 49306 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Phyllis |
Okay, you just walked into her office and begin. |
| 49307 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 49308 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Erin |
Hello. |
| 49309 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
May I please speak to your boss? |
| 49310 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Phyllis |
No, she is the boss. |
| 49311 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Erin |
I am? Hmm.. Hi, I'm Mr. Hannon. How can I help you? |
| 49312 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
Okay, this isn't working for me, â˜cause no one would ever believe that she would be a boss. |
| 49313 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Erin |
He's absolutely right. I'm really struggling. |
| 49314 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Pam |
Oh, I'll be the buyer. |
| 49315 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Pam |
Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat. |
| 49316 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes |
| 49317 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Phyllis |
No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs. |
| 49318 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over. |
| 49319 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Pam |
Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts? |
| 49320 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Dwight |
I thought it went great. |
| 49321 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7348 |
Nellie |
I have uh, written down a few questions. One, have you ever killed a woman? Two, how many women have you killed? Please, sir, will you not kill me? |
| 49322 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Okay lets get started. |
| 49323 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Yeah, I'm here. Are we all on? |
| 49324 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Uh,, well you're the only one â˜on' - we're all here. |
| 49325 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Right. Okay, uh, over the next three months... |
| 49326 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Kevin |
That's the winter season., three months. |
| 49327 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
I uh, I have some ideas, actually... |
| 49328 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Are you at your office right now? |
| 49329 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Uh yeah. Trust me, I'd rather be with you guys. |
| 49330 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Uh, yeah, that sounded kinda spooky-sexy, over here Halpert. |
| 49331 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Oh, Sorry, I uh... was just saying that we should uh... |
| 49332 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Whoa. I think there's been a bit of a mistake. We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman. |
| 49333 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Um, you know what? I.. should have just had... I should have just had you call me on my cell. |
| 49334 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Uh, yeah... |
| 49335 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
I'm gonna try a different spot. Okay? |
| 49336 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Business partner |
Okay, yeah. |
| 49337 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Jim |
Okay, I'll call you right back. |
| 49338 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7349 |
Kevin |
What's happening in three months? |
| 49339 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Pam |
Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now? |
| 49340 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 49341 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Pam |
Okay, well you have to show us. |
| 49342 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
That's impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all. |
| 49343 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Pam |
Huh. Uh huh. |
| 49344 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
What are you doing? |
| 49345 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Pam |
A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it? |
| 49346 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
Kind of. |
| 49347 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Pam |
Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening. |
| 49348 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Nellie |
Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I've commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to hit. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way. |
| 49349 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Erin |
It's just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person. |
| 49350 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
I am a person. |
| 49351 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Erin |
Yes. |
| 49352 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Nellie |
And then we thought we'd ... I can't. I just can't carry on with that face. Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he's laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh. |
| 49353 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
That's a bit extreme. |
| 49354 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Nellie |
No, I'm sorry but that is true. |
| 49355 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Meredith |
He's screwed. They're meeting in less than an hour. |
| 49356 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Phyllis |
Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn. |
| 49357 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'm a woman. I'm a woman. Good? |
| 49358 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Phyllis |
Ms. Thomas, so good to see you. |
| 49359 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 49360 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Phyllis |
Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models. |
| 49361 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Dwight |
Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my v*g1n*. |
| 49362 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Meredith |
Booo! Weird. |
| 49363 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 49364 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7350 |
Phyllis |
Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It's hopeless. |
| 49365 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7351 |
Pam |
Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child. |
| 49366 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Pam |
You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women. |
| 49367 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Dwight |
Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their, their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders! |
| 49368 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Pam |
Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience? |
| 49369 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Dwight |
I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently. |
| 49370 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Pam |
Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber. |
| 49371 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Dwight |
Okay, I can do that. |
| 49372 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps. |
| 49373 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Dwight |
He used to fight dogs. |
| 49374 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Pam |
Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs? |
| 49375 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7352 |
Dwight |
Little of this, little of that. |
| 49376 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Angela |
Which one is the instructor? There all fatties. |
| 49377 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Oscar |
Angela! Angela. There. |
| 49378 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Angela |
Where? |
| 49379 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Oscar |
On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her. |
| 49380 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Angela |
Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing. |
| 49381 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Oscar |
She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog. |
| 49382 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Angela |
I've heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail - ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go. |
| 49383 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Oscar |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... |
| 49384 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Angela |
Ow. |
| 49385 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7353 |
Oscar |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look. |
| 49386 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7354 |
Toby |
This is fun. You know? I mean, this is fun. |
| 49387 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Jim |
What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation, it was in -- |
| 49388 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Business partner |
It was in what? Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you. |
| 49389 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Jim |
The... the... the... what I was saying is the real genius was... was in the... |
| 49390 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Hank |
Hey! Are those skateboarders back? |
| 49391 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Business partner |
Jim? Jim, are you there? |
| 49392 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Hank |
Where are they? |
| 49393 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Jim |
It was, uh in the authentic design, right? So I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes, so ... |
| 49394 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Meredith |
Who was messing with my van? |
| 49395 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Jim |
Nobody! |
| 49396 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Business partner |
Jordan wore them for nobody? We're not following you, Halpert. |
| 49397 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Jim |
No, no, no. |
| 49398 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7355 |
Hank |
This ends now! |
| 49399 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Secretary |
Have a seat. Um, she will be right in. |
| 49400 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Pam |
Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it. |
| 49401 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Secretary |
Uh... um she'll be right in. |
| 49402 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Pam |
Okay, great. |
| 49403 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Dwight |
Just a little off the top and then a nice combing. Yeah, just comb it. |
| 49404 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Pam |
Oh my God. It's Jan. |
| 49405 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7356 |
Dwight |
Oh, dear God in heaven. |
| 49406 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7357 |
Pam |
Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met. |
| 49407 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7358 |
Jan |
You son of a bitch. You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off? |
| 49408 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7359 |
Pam |
Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that? |
| 49409 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you. |
| 49410 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Where's Wallace? |
| 49411 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
What? |
| 49412 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct? |
| 49413 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Dwight |
Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off. |
| 49414 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead. |
| 49415 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont. |
| 49416 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Molly |
Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing â˜cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them... |
| 49417 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan. |
| 49418 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Molly |
I'm so sorry Jan. |
| 49419 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
I thought it would be fun to have a little chat with uh, David Wallace after all these years. Oh, well. What are you doing? |
| 49420 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Dwight |
Listening. |
| 49421 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Stop. |
| 49422 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Dwight |
Sorry. |
| 49423 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Stop that. |
| 49424 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 49425 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give? |
| 49426 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
No, I do. |
| 49427 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
But not to us. |
| 49428 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Insightful, Pam. |
| 49429 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
You did good, Dwight. It's okay. I mean, seriously, Jan's not normal. Let's just go. She's not going to sell to us. |
| 49430 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Dwight |
Yes, she is. Now, I may not have any instincts with women, but I have an instinct for sales. You keep her occupied. I'll be right back. |
| 49431 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
What? |
| 49432 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Pam? |
| 49433 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 49434 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
I'm a very busy woman, so... |
| 49435 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Pam |
Yeah. Um, do you have any other pictures of Astrid? |
| 49436 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7360 |
Jan |
Fine. I will show you one... slide show. |
| 49437 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
Erin, did this call... |
| 49438 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Erin |
Uh! |
| 49439 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
What? |
| 49440 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Erin |
Sorry, I uh, just saw your face. |
| 49441 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
Oh, I'm sorry. It's for the thing. |
| 49442 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Erin |
I know. That's great. It just - it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face. |
| 49443 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
Wow. |
| 49444 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Erin |
A handsome eyebrow, but, um... it makes your mouth look like an eye socket... which isn't bad. |
| 49445 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
Uh-huh. |
| 49446 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Erin |
But um, you look like a cyclops whose eye... fell out... Which is great. It's such a great cause. |
| 49447 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7361 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 49448 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es? |
| 49449 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever. |
| 49450 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Aw. |
| 49451 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
And it is so cute how she signs her name. |
| 49452 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Well, that -- that was -- that was me too. |
| 49453 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards â˜E's. |
| 49454 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Cece can't spell her name. |
| 49455 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
Oh, actually she can. |
| 49456 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who -- who -- who can't spell it. |
| 49457 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
Of course. |
| 49458 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam. |
| 49459 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
Um... "A"... "X"? I don't -- you got me. |
| 49460 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Jan |
Don't patronize me. |
| 49461 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7362 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better. |
| 49462 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Angela |
Okay, we should go now. Let's go. |
| 49463 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Oscar |
Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch. |
| 49464 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Angela |
Wait. Why are you... Oh. are you getting your jollies right now? Can't get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fire -- |
| 49465 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Oscar |
Please. It's Robert who's enjoying it. |
| 49466 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Angela |
What? |
| 49467 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7363 |
Oscar |
This could be the affair that you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. But uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so... |
| 49468 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Pam |
Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water? |
| 49469 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Jan |
No. |
| 49470 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Dwight |
Jan... You thought I had no more cards left to play. Well I've got one. Man-boy! The Ace of Babes. |
| 49471 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Pam |
Oh, my God. |
| 49472 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Clark |
Where's the Quizno's? |
| 49473 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Dwight |
You're the Quizno's. Jan, may I introduce to you your own personal Dunder Mifflin liaison, devoted to servicing this account with total client satisfaction. I sensed that Molly wasn't quite meeting your needs -- nothing like, uh, your old assistant... Hunter. Was that his name? |
| 49474 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Jan |
I -- I -- |
| 49475 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Dwight |
Hmm? |
| 49476 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Jan |
I don't recall. And yes, Molly is crap. |
| 49477 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Pam |
Okay, you do not have to do this. |
| 49478 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Clark |
Do what? Get into sales? That's what I want. |
| 49479 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Dwight |
He's been growing that mustache for weeks. Best he can do... So young. |
| 49480 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Jan |
Will you uh, you. Can you turn around for me, please? Dwight you can go. I will call you in a week or so and let you know whether I want your business. |
| 49481 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Dwight |
Very good. |
| 49482 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7364 |
Jan |
Do you have a valid passport? |
| 49483 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Jim |
Jim Halpert. |
| 49484 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Colin |
Hey, it's Colin. |
| 49485 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Jim |
Hey man. I am so sorry about that. |
| 49486 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Colin |
I know. Don't worry about it. |
| 49487 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Colin |
It's just... it's not totally working. |
| 49488 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Jim |
Yeah. No, I know. This whole telecommuting thing -- not ideal. But don't worry. I'll figure it out. |
| 49489 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Colin |
Yeah, well, it's not just not ideal. I mean, with you there, I don't know how we're gonna do this. |
| 49490 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7365 |
Jim |
Uh, what does -- what does that mean? |
| 49491 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7366 |
Angela |
Oscar, what is happening here? Why would you say you think the senator might be gay? |
| 49492 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7366 |
Oscar |
I don't know, Angela. I'm dehydrated. Maybe... You heard me wrong. We should just go. |
| 49493 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7366 |
Angela |
Look, look, look. Here he comes. Here he comes. What is he doing? |
| 49494 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7366 |
Oscar |
He's making a phone call. |
| 49495 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7366 |
Angela |
Oh. Oh. |
| 49496 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, Molly. You should just quit. |
| 49497 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Molly |
Thanks. Okay. |
| 49498 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Dwight |
Oh and uh, Molly... I know it can't be easy working for Jan. Good luck with your feelings. |
| 49499 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Pam |
Dwight, that was really nice. You should ask for her number. |
| 49500 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Dwight |
Oh, I got her number. 415-YCL. |
| 49501 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Pam |
That's a license number? |
| 49502 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Dwight |
That's all you need. And when I have curried favor with her, I will let you know. |
| 49503 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Pam |
Oh. Why me? |
| 49504 |
9 |
7 |
The Whale |
7367 |
Dwight |
Because you are my friend and you are a woman... And women love gossip. It's like air to you people. Ugh, God. |
| 49505 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7368 |
Oscar |
Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual. |
| 49506 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Oscar |
Good morning. |
| 49507 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Angela |
Oscar... can I ask you a question? |
| 49508 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Oscar |
Of course, ask me a que--  questions. |
| 49509 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Angela |
Is it cool in here to you? |
| 49510 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Oscar |
Yes, a little bit. Yes. |
| 49511 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Angela |
I think the thermostat is acting up again. |
| 49512 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Oscar |
It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs. |
| 49513 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 49514 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7369 |
Oscar |
No, thank you, Angela. |
| 49515 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7370 |
Oscar |
She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love. |
| 49516 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Dwight |
Well, well, well, it's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring. |
| 49517 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Pam |
These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today. |
| 49518 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Meredith |
Sure you don't want to put another coat of primer on that Pam?Queen of the primer, that one. |
| 49519 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Jim |
You got this, Beesley. Actually, do you want me to come down and help you get started? |
| 49520 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Pam |
Are you avoiding your phone call? |
| 49521 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7371 |
Jim |
What? Yeah, right. As if. |
| 49522 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Jim |
Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part-time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there. |
| 49523 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Pam |
Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead. |
| 49524 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Jim |
I could have prevented that. So I have to talk to Wallace. |
| 49525 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Pam |
Tell them your opening line. |
| 49526 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Jim |
Hey David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia? |
| 49527 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Pam |
I think it's good. He likes fishing. |
| 49528 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7372 |
Jim |
This is gonna be awful. |
| 49529 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7373 |
Pete |
One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house.  Fight the power. |
| 49530 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7374 |
Angela |
Meet me in the old place, five minutes. I need you. |
| 49531 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Ugh! |
| 49532 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
Come on in, the water's fine. |
| 49533 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on. |
| 49534 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
I know. That's not why I'm naked. I always work out without my clothes. |
| 49535 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh. |
| 49536 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
Oh, I'm sorry, your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. Why don't you ask your husband? |
| 49537 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
My marriage is in danger. I don't know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me. |
| 49538 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
All right, what are we talking? Surveillance, wire-tapping? |
| 49539 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Something like that. |
| 49540 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
Yeah, the less I know, the better. I know just the guy. He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force. |
| 49541 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Can you arrange a meeting? |
| 49542 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
I can try. I'm gonna use SMS text. |
| 49543 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 49544 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
Text went through. |
| 49545 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 49546 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
All we can do is sit and wait. |
| 49547 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 49548 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7375 |
Dwight |
Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem. |
| 49549 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
Jim |
I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly. |
| 49550 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
David |
Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. If there's a crisis -- the more I think about it -- |
| 49551 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
Jim |
Oh, you mean handle it in person. Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agree to cover for me while I'm gone. |
| 49552 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
David |
They did? |
| 49553 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 49554 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
David |
Oh, okay. Well, that is different. In that case, yes-- Maybe this can work. |
| 49555 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7376 |
Jim |
Oh, great. |
| 49556 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Stanley |
Why should we help you? |
| 49557 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Jim |
Because we're friends. |
| 49558 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Stanley |
When is my birthday? |
| 49559 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Jim |
Unfair. When's my birthday? |
| 49560 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Stanley |
I don't know, because we're not friends. |
| 49561 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Jim |
How about this-- You let me take you to lunch, and I make my case? |
| 49562 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Stanley |
Now we're talkin'. |
| 49563 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 49564 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7377 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. |
| 49565 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
Make it go taller. |
| 49566 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Pete |
That's the idea. |
| 49567 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
No, not taller this way, taller this way. |
| 49568 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Pete |
Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher. |
| 49569 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
You're not getting this, Peter.  Make it go wider... up! |
| 49570 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Pete |
Will do. |
| 49571 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Darryl |
What are y'all doing? |
| 49572 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
Me and Pete are building a tower. |
| 49573 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Darryl |
Cool. It should be taller though, right? |
| 49574 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer. |
| 49575 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Pete |
Kevin, I can hear you. |
| 49576 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7378 |
Kevin |
Huh? |
| 49577 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
Ow! Dwight! Ow! |
| 49578 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Get in the van. |
| 49579 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
God! |
| 49580 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
Is it safe to talk? |
| 49581 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good. |
| 49582 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
So what are your credentials? |
| 49583 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it. |
| 49584 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
Do you have a gun? |
| 49585 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Does he own a gun? Show her. |
| 49586 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
You tell me. |
| 49587 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
What is this? |
| 49588 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
It's the receipt for my gun. |
| 49589 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Angela |
You don't carry it with you? |
| 49590 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it. |
| 49591 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Do you have any idea how many guns Trevor's had stolen from him? |
| 49592 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
Now I keep it in a safe. |
| 49593 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. Good safe? |
| 49594 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Trevor |
Oh, you tell me. |
| 49595 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7379 |
Dwight |
Wow! |
| 49596 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Pam |
I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub. |
| 49597 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Hide |
You paint wall now? |
| 49598 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Pam |
Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that... |
| 49599 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Hide |
You paint now. |
| 49600 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Pam |
It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing. |
| 49601 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7380 |
Hide |
I wait. |
| 49602 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Meredith |
Sweet. |
| 49603 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Erin |
Yay! |
| 49604 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Darryl |
That's what I'm talkin' about. |
| 49605 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Pete |
This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote â˜sausage factory.' |
| 49606 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Meredith |
Oh OOOH! |
| 49607 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Meredith |
Boom! |
| 49608 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Darryl |
Bang. |
| 49609 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Kevin |
Yep, yep, yep. |
| 49610 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Pete |
All right. Up next we got a whole lotta Creed. |
| 49611 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Creed |
Let's find out what I did. |
| 49612 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7381 |
Pete |
All right. |
| 49613 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Dwight |
You get half now and half upon completion of said job. |
| 49614 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Trevor |
And that's all off the books? |
| 49615 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Angela |
Obviously. |
| 49616 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Trevor |
Nice. No taxes. |
| 49617 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Angela |
Okay, so everything you need to know about the target is in here. |
| 49618 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Trevor |
So what's the job? |
| 49619 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Angela |
Murder. |
| 49620 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7382 |
Trevor |
Okay, that's the big one. That's the big "M." |
| 49621 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
You can't have someone murdered. |
| 49622 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
What if they deserved it? |
| 49623 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
What did they do to you, Angela? |
| 49624 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
They're sleeping with my husband. |
| 49625 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
Oh, Monkey. Oh, I feel for you. |
| 49626 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Trevor |
This seems a little crazy. |
| 49627 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
Yes. Crazy. Thank you. |
| 49628 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Trevor |
But I think I'm up for it. |
| 49629 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
No! No! |
| 49630 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 49631 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch-- |
| 49632 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Trevor |
That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating. |
| 49633 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
No, no, no. It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer. |
| 49634 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Trevor |
What about a knee-capping? |
| 49635 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
No! You're not helping, Trevor! |
| 49636 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
Yes, a knee-capping could work. |
| 49637 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
No. Angela! What are you saying? |
| 49638 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
You said you would be there for me. |
| 49639 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
I'm trying, but what you're asking is-- |
| 49640 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Angela |
It's the only thing that will make this right. |
| 49641 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Dwight |
Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn. |
| 49642 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7383 |
Trevor |
All right, then it's settled. One knee-capping. Now, the hit goes down at 4:00. Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back. |
| 49643 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Jim |
You know, truth be told, I think all you'll really be doing is accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone. |
| 49644 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Stanley |
We've got all afternoon to talk about that. |
| 49645 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Waiter |
Morning, folks. |
| 49646 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Stanley |
I'll have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster. |
| 49647 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Waiter |
Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob-- |
| 49648 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Stanley |
Not enough lobster. Side order. |
| 49649 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7384 |
Phyllis |
How much wine do you have? |
| 49650 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7385 |
Oscar |
I brought you a cookie. |
| 49651 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7385 |
Angela |
Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel. |
| 49652 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7386 |
Oscar |
I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah-- Well, I gotta go now, but-- Okay, bye. Bye. |
| 49653 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7387 |
Pete |
There we go. |
| 49654 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7387 |
Pete |
Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having s*x. |
| 49655 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7387 |
Nellie |
Oooohh... you salty dog. |
| 49656 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7387 |
Darryl |
Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play. |
| 49657 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7387 |
Pete |
There you go. |
| 49658 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7388 |
Darryl |
Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing. |
| 49659 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Kevin |
Okay, I got this one. |
| 49660 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Nellie |
Oh, be careful! Be careful! Be careful |
| 49661 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Kevin |
No, I got it. Easy does it, everyone. Nobody even take a breath. |
| 49662 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Everyone |
Oh no! Kevin! |
| 49663 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Nellie |
What did I just say? What did I just say? |
| 49664 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Pete |
Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about --  mistakes. Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, the tower's not for you. Show of hands --- who here has never had a complaint? That's right. Nobody. See that? Nobody. Okay? Let's get back to work, huh? Come on, you in? |
| 49665 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 49666 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7389 |
Pete |
There we go. All right, let's do it. |
| 49667 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Jim |
You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office.  If you need me for an emergency, call me.  I'll be there... |
| 49668 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Phyllis |
You know what? I don't know where the years went.  â˜Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them. |
| 49669 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Jim |
Tell me about it. |
| 49670 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Phyllis |
Whose hands are these? Theyre not my hands. I don't know. |
| 49671 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Jim |
All right. You know what?  Maybe we'll just... We'll go slow. |
| 49672 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7390 |
Phyllis |
No. Jim... |
| 49673 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pete |
All right. Check it out. |
| 49674 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pete |
Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh! |
| 49675 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Kevin |
Nice.  Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling. |
| 49676 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Erin |
Whoo! |
| 49677 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pete |
Can you hand me a card? |
| 49678 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Erin |
Um,. it's empty. |
| 49679 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pete |
What? |
| 49680 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Nellie |
Oh, come on. We could use a blank card. |
| 49681 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Everyone |
No!! |
| 49682 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Meredith |
That's cheating. |
| 49683 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pam |
I could get us a complaint. |
| 49684 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Meredith |
You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly. |
| 49685 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Pam |
No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try. |
| 49686 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Nellie |
Hmm. Yeah.  All right! Yea, go, Pam! Pam... |
| 49687 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7391 |
Everyone |
"Pam!" |
| 49688 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
What? Why did you call me out here? |
| 49689 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
The target-- it's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other. |
| 49690 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 49691 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils. |
| 49692 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
Fine! It's Oscar. So what? |
| 49693 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
Well I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker-- Dare I say, a friend? |
| 49694 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband. |
| 49695 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me. |
| 49696 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
Well, you might be right. But it's too late now. |
| 49697 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
What do you mean? |
| 49698 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Angela |
He's here. |
| 49699 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7392 |
Dwight |
No! No, no! |
| 49700 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Dwight |
Oscar? Oscar. Oscar, good. Hey come with me. |
| 49701 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 49702 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Dwight |
Come -- come with me. |
| 49703 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Oscar |
What are you doing? |
| 49704 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Dwight |
There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary. |
| 49705 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Meredith |
Yahtzee. |
| 49706 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Trevor |
Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez. |
| 49707 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Kevin |
I am Oscar Martinez. |
| 49708 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Angela |
No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside. |
| 49709 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Kevin |
Wha-- wh-- |
| 49710 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Angela |
You know, there's doughnuts in the break room. |
| 49711 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7393 |
Kevin |
Nice! Yeah. |
| 49712 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over. |
| 49713 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Stanley |
Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky. |
| 49714 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's-- that's decorative. |
| 49715 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Phyllis |
No, there's wine in here. |
| 49716 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
Still decorative. |
| 49717 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Stanley |
Is it white wine? |
| 49718 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
No. |
| 49719 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Phyllis |
Can you help me? |
| 49720 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
Don't-- don't-- don't pole people with knives. |
| 49721 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Phyllis |
ha ha! |
| 49722 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Jim |
Phyllis!  Wow. |
| 49723 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Stanley |
Ooh, bring it over. |
| 49724 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7394 |
Phyllis |
Got it. |
| 49725 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7395 |
Dwight |
There's no time to explain. Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps. |
| 49726 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7395 |
Oscar |
Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you? |
| 49727 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7395 |
Dwight |
What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child? |
| 49728 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7395 |
Oscar |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 49729 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7395 |
Dwight |
Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about.  Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us. |
| 49730 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Dwight |
Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us. |
| 49731 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Trevor |
Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might-- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this. |
| 49732 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Dwight |
No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe. |
| 49733 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Trevor |
I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues-- Stop! No! |
| 49734 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Oscar |
I got it. |
| 49735 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Dwight |
Disarm! |
| 49736 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Trevor |
You don't-- |
| 49737 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Dwight |
Don't move. And disarm now! |
| 49738 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Trevor |
Okay, okay, okay, okay. |
| 49739 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7396 |
Dwight |
No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend. |
| 49740 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Erin |
Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge! |
| 49741 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Nellie |
Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you. |
| 49742 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Creed |
Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this. |
| 49743 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Pam |
Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "Hey, kool-aid." Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert. |
| 49744 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Pete |
Did she buy it? |
| 49745 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Pam |
Basically I couldn't tell, but I think... |
| 49746 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Nellie |
Were they angry? |
| 49747 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Pam |
I-- I thought they were confused at least... |
| 49748 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Nellie |
Okay. |
| 49749 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client! |
| 49750 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Kevin |
Nice. Nice. |
| 49751 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Creed |
You did good. You did good. |
| 49752 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7397 |
Pete |
See ya later, Heymont. |
| 49753 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 49754 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Trevor |
If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend. |
| 49755 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
What the hell, Dwight? |
| 49756 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Dwight |
See ya later, Trevor. |
| 49757 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
you are incorrigible! |
| 49758 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Dwight |
I just saved your life. You're welcome! |
| 49759 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
You hired someone to hit me with a pipe! |
| 49760 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Angela |
You deserved every bit of it!  You made my husband gay. |
| 49761 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
What-- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him! |
| 49762 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Angela |
No. No. |
| 49763 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me. |
| 49764 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Angela |
Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you. |
| 49765 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe. |
| 49766 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Angela |
God! |
| 49767 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
Aah! |
| 49768 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Angela |
You were supposed to be my friend. |
| 49769 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Oscar |
I'm so sorry. Angela-- |
| 49770 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7398 |
Dwight |
Oscar. |
| 49771 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pete |
Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert... |
| 49772 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pete |
For insulting a client's recently deceased mother. |
| 49773 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Nellie |
Yes! |
| 49774 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pam |
I did not know that. |
| 49775 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pete |
Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life. |
| 49776 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry. |
| 49777 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Meredith |
Wow. |
| 49778 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Pete |
yeah. That's-- that is terrible. |
| 49779 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Kevin |
You did it. |
| 49780 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7399 |
Erin |
Yeah! |
| 49781 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Angela |
I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day. |
| 49782 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Dwight |
You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid. |
| 49783 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Angela |
Jazz is stupid!  I mean, just play the right notes! |
| 49784 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Dwight |
I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey. |
| 49785 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Angela |
I don't like your friend Trevor. |
| 49786 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7400 |
Dwight |
I don't like him either.  And yet I really like him. |
| 49787 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Jim |
Well, we're here. Perfect. Â |
| 49788 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Phyllis |
We're gonna cover for you, ya know. |
| 49789 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Jim |
Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or-- |
| 49790 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Stanley |
I did enjoy grinding your beans, son. |
| 49791 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, we really did peel your grapes. |
| 49792 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Jim |
This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all-- |
| 49793 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Stanley |
Shuckin' your peas. |
| 49794 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Jim |
Shuckin' the peas.  You should go back to the first part, though. You are  gonna  cover for me? |
| 49795 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Stanley |
Yeah. |
| 49796 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Phyllis |
Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys. |
| 49797 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7401 |
Jim |
Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you. |
| 49798 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7402 |
Pam |
If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea  that you can't please everybody all the time. |
| 49799 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7402 |
Hide |
You paint very bad-- |
| 49800 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7402 |
Pam |
Shut up, Hide!  I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him-- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that. |
| 49801 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
Where does gayness come from? And how is it transmitted? |
| 49802 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
That is-- that is a loaded question. |
| 49803 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Angela |
My pastor said it can come from breast feeding. |
| 49804 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
He said that? |
| 49805 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Angela |
Well, he didn't fight me hard on it. |
| 49806 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
I-- I don't know if there's truth to-- to, uh, to that. |
| 49807 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Angela |
What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet? |
| 49808 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
Oh... uh... |
| 49809 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Angela |
Is it called red-vining? |
| 49810 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
Is it called red-vining? |
| 49811 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
I don't... |
| 49812 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
We heard it was called red-vining. |
| 49813 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Angela |
People red vine. |
| 49814 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
Where are gay mens' vaginas? |
| 49815 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
They don't have vaginas. |
| 49816 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 49817 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
No. They're just regular men. |
| 49818 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Dwight |
When two gay men have s*x, how do they know whose pen1s will open up to accept the other person's pen1s? |
| 49819 |
9 |
8 |
The Target |
7403 |
Toby |
Uh... wow.... |
| 49820 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7404 |
Jim |
I'm having second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed. The blue one with the stripes. |
| 49821 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7404 |
Pam |
I'm sure it's fine. it's a blue shirt. |
| 49822 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7404 |
Jim |
Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? |
| 49823 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7405 |
Jim |
I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, check into a hotel at about 6:00 so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking. |
| 49824 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Dwight |
Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job in Phila-Whatever. |
| 49825 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Jim |
So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? |
| 49826 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Dwight |
Philadelphia. From the greek phila meaning "Love," and adelph, meaning "Adolf." "the city that loves Adolf." Good luck with your new enterprise and don't wear the blue striped shirt. It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. |
| 49827 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Erin |
Oh...Hey, guys, the Christmas party is today. Merry Christmas everyone! |
| 49828 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Angela |
No. |
| 49829 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Nellie |
Is It? |
| 49830 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Erin |
I mean, it says "X-Mas party," but I think we all know what that's code for. |
| 49831 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Kevin |
So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela, how could you do this to us? |
| 49832 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Angela |
Oh, right, like I'm responsible 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. |
| 49833 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Kevin |
Well, you are the one in charge of it. |
| 49834 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Angela |
Don't blame me for something we all forgot. |
| 49835 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7406 |
Oscar |
Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. |
| 49836 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7407 |
Oscar |
I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for sleeping with her husband. She makes a lot of very sound points. |
| 49837 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Phyllis |
I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works. |
| 49838 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Meredith |
We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party! |
| 49839 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Nellie |
Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-Cupcakes? |
| 49840 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Kevin |
Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people? |
| 49841 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Dwight |
What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel. |
| 49842 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Jim |
Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? |
| 49843 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 49844 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Angela |
No! |
| 49845 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Jim |
Done, right? |
| 49846 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Angela |
No. |
| 49847 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Stanley |
No. I want Tropical Christmas. |
| 49848 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Meredith |
Topless Christmas. |
| 49849 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7408 |
Creed |
Tapas swiss miss. |
| 49850 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7409 |
Creed |
Spanish tapas, and swiss miss hot cocoa--What's so hard to understand? |
| 49851 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7410 |
Dwight |
Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular. |
| 49852 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7410 |
Phyllis |
We already said no. |
| 49853 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7410 |
Angela |
No, no, no. |
| 49854 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7410 |
Nellie |
Too weird. |
| 49855 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7411 |
Dwight |
This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style. |
| 49856 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7412 |
Jim |
I'm not understanding the confusion. Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, and meet this glenpickle guy? |
| 49857 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7412 |
Angela |
Party planning cimmittee, emgergency meeting. Now. |
| 49858 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7412 |
Pam |
I'm on it. |
| 49859 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7412 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 49860 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party. Make me go all John McClane on their asses. |
| 49861 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. And I think--I think you mean John McCain. |
| 49862 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Die hard reference. |
| 49863 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
I haven't seen it. |
| 49864 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
You haven't seen die hard? |
| 49865 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Mm-Mmm. |
| 49866 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Why haven't you seen die hard? |
| 49867 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
I don't know, I just haven't. |
| 49868 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. |
| 49869 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
No. |
| 49870 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
"now, i have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho." |
| 49871 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs." |
| 49872 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
None of this makes any sense to me! |
| 49873 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, and he's like, "Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother--" |
| 49874 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Actually, he doesn't say that there. He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. |
| 49875 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
Yes, you are right. Forgive me. |
| 49876 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Oh, that's okay, bud. |
| 49877 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
Nope. |
| 49878 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Common mistake. |
| 49879 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Kevin |
No, it's not. |
| 49880 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Nerd! Do you know every line of the movie? |
| 49881 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
My brother dared me to memorize it, and I did it, and loved doing it. |
| 49882 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Okay, let's hear it. |
| 49883 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
Hear what? |
| 49884 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Die hard. Every line. Go. |
| 49885 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
"You don't like flying, do you?" |
| 49886 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Don't change the subject. |
| 49887 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Pete |
No, that's the-- |
| 49888 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7413 |
Erin |
Movie is starting. |
| 49889 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Jim |
We're thinking of collaborating with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. |
| 49890 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Stanley |
I love Philly. Dirty town. |
| 49891 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Darryl |
Ah-Ha-Ha! Philly! Exciting stuff, man. |
| 49892 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Jim |
Whoo! |
| 49893 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Darryl |
So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? |
| 49894 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Jim |
Yeah, I think so. |
| 49895 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7414 |
Darryl |
Think that through for a sec. |
| 49896 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7415 |
Darryl |
Yeah, Jim's going to philly tomorrow. He said he was gonna take me with him, but that was two months ago. And I haven't heard anything since. I mean, he said that, right? |
| 49897 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Darryl |
What else could you possibly be forgetting? |
| 49898 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Jim |
Uh-- |
| 49899 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Darryl |
Things? People? |
| 49900 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Toby |
You know who's not gonna get to work on some exciting new startup this year? George Howard Skub, a.k.a. the alleged Scranton strangler, because he's in prison for something he may not have done. |
| 49901 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Nellie |
I'm sorry, the--Uh, the Scranton who? |
| 49902 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Toby |
The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. Haven't I told you about the jury I was on a couple years ago? |
| 49903 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Nellie |
Oh, what happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. |
| 49904 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Toby |
I--I could--I could talk about it. |
| 49905 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Stanley |
See you next Christmas. |
| 49906 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7416 |
Toby |
I could, sure. Have a seat. I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back. |
| 49907 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe. We got here by being risk takers. And, yeah, Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's going to be great. And if it's great...I think we all know what that would mean to us. |
| 49908 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Phyllis |
Let's do it! |
| 49909 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
Yes! Phyllis! |
| 49910 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Angela |
No. I don't want my name attached to this party. |
| 49911 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
What does that even mean? Where would your name appear? |
| 49912 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Angela |
Please just take my name off of everything. |
| 49913 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Oscar |
Just take her name off of everything. |
| 49914 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. |
| 49915 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Dwight |
Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Okay! Yes! It's a Christmas Miracle! Yeah! Whoo-Hoo! |
| 49916 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously. |
| 49917 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. |
| 49918 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
And that is... |
| 49919 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Dwight |
Uh, Oh. |
| 49920 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Pam |
That there are no rules. |
| 49921 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7417 |
Dwight |
You have never been cooler. |
| 49922 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7418 |
Jim |
Best Christmas ever. |
| 49923 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7418 |
Pam |
You're welcome. |
| 49924 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7418 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 49925 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun. |
| 49926 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Meredith |
Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? |
| 49927 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy. |
| 49928 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Pam |
What is it? Don't touch it. |
| 49929 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
Somebody's found the hog maw. |
| 49930 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Pam |
Oh! |
| 49931 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
What? It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? I don't even want to tell you what it's made of until after you try it. |
| 49932 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Stanley |
Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. |
| 49933 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
It is stuffed pig stomach. And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. |
| 49934 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Jim |
Can't wait. |
| 49935 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Meredith |
Weird. Where are the sugar cookies? Where's the karaoke machine? |
| 49936 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
This is austere, Meredith. This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. I mean, most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a Shepherd's Crook, which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces. |
| 49937 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Oscar |
How would anyone even know-- |
| 49938 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7419 |
Dwight |
Have you ever tasted a Shepherd's Crook? |
| 49939 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7420 |
Jim |
I don't know. Is it what you expected? |
| 49940 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7420 |
Pam |
I feel like --Dwight is holding a candle and reading a poem. |
| 49941 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7420 |
Jim |
So happy right now. |
| 49942 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7421 |
Dwight |
Wait, what is that I hear? Is someone on the roof? How strange. Excuse me. I have to run to my car to take a dump. |
| 49943 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7421 |
Kevin |
I wish my car had a bathroom. |
| 49944 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7422 |
Pete |
"Let Heinrich plant the detonators and Theo prepare the vault. After that--" |
| 49945 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7422 |
Erin |
Eh. That wasn't the line. I'm sorry, Pete. |
| 49946 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7422 |
Pete |
That is transcribed by some fan. They make mistakes. |
| 49947 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7422 |
Erin |
I don't know. This looks pretty legit. Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. That means they hit land. |
| 49948 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7423 |
Erin |
"What up, shorty? We got in last night, sold the boat, went out, got drunk, saw life of pi, got super depressed and introspective. Gonna hang out here a while. Maybe a couple of weeks. Figure this whole life thing out. Maybe see hobbit. Lates." |
| 49949 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Pete |
Hey. Everything okay? |
| 49950 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Erin |
So what comes next? |
| 49951 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Pete |
Right, um, okay. So he says, uh, "After we call the police, they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" |
| 49952 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Erin |
We should just watch the movie. That makes much more sense. |
| 49953 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Pete |
Or we can just sit and talk, though. |
| 49954 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Erin |
No. No more talking. It's movie time. |
| 49955 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Pete |
I mean, are you sure...Um, yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. |
| 49956 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Erin |
Oh, great. Great! So we're watching die hard, now. Good! This is a good plan. |
| 49957 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Pete |
Okay. |
| 49958 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7424 |
Toby |
Here's the thing about moonlight. It's not sunlight. |
| 49959 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Kevin |
I love this hog mama. |
| 49960 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Phyllis |
Dwight said it's "Hog maw." |
| 49961 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Kevin |
What is maw?! |
| 49962 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Phyllis |
It's the lining of the stomach of-- |
| 49963 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Dwight |
Ohh... Judgment is nigh, for the belsnickel ist I! |
| 49964 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Jim |
Yes, he is finally nigh. |
| 49965 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7425 |
Dwight |
I am nigh! |
| 49966 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7426 |
Dwight |
Every year, my grandfather would dress up as belsnickel at Christmas. He was...okay at it. I am great. You know how they say some people were born to be bad? Well, I was born to be belsnickel. |
| 49967 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
Ooh, belsnickel has traveled from distant lands to discover how all the boys and the girls have been behaving this last year. Whoo hoo HOO hoo hoo! Ohh...Too much strudel. |
| 49968 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Jim |
So he's kind of like santa, except dirty and worse. |
| 49969 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
No, much better--No one fears santa the way they fear belsnickel. |
| 49970 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Jim |
Wow! It's my favorite part of Christmas. The authority. |
| 49971 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Pam |
And the fear. |
| 49972 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
Yes, exactly! |
| 49973 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Phyllis |
Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. |
| 49974 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 49975 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Oscar |
This is a real thing. "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver related to other companions of st. Nicholas in the folklore of southwestern Germany." |
| 49976 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Angela |
Huh. |
| 49977 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 49978 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, when some democrat looks it up on wikipedia? |
| 49979 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Oscar |
"His partner, zwarte piet, or black Peter, a slave boy, often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." |
| 49980 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Stanley |
Uh-Uh. No, Dwight. No. |
| 49981 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7427 |
Dwight |
Oh, come on. We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect of our traditions. Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. |
| 49982 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7428 |
Pete |
Okay, Karl was actually a ballet dancer in real life. Isn't that crazy? |
| 49983 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7428 |
Erin |
Mm. |
| 49984 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7429 |
Darryl |
Jim, that guy. You gotta stick to your word! Like when you say something to a buddy, a real buddy...what are you gonna do, lie? To your buddy? It's awful. |
| 49985 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
Take a bowl and pass it down. |
| 49986 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Phyllis |
Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. |
| 49987 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
No, these are gift bowls. When you recieve a gift, it will go in the bowl, but the bowls must be returned at the end. They're a set. Now, hold your bowls forward. The belsnickel will decide if you are impish or admirable. |
| 49988 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Oh, it's like naughty or nice. |
| 49989 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
No, impish or admirable. |
| 49990 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Quick question--Do you just decide who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? |
| 49991 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
I decided earlier. |
| 49992 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Oh, nice. Did you check that list? |
| 49993 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
Of course I checked it. |
| 49994 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
But more than once? 'cause you could have made a mistake. |
| 49995 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
I checked it more than once. |
| 49996 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Okay, so you made a list, you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- |
| 49997 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
Impish or admirable. |
| 49998 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Damn. |
| 49999 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as...admirable. There you are. |
| 50000 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Phyllis |
Oh. What are these? |
| 50001 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. |
| 50002 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Phyllis |
I'd rather have the bowl. |
| 50003 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
You can't have the bowl! Oscar Martinez, cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year ...as impish! |
| 50004 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Oscar |
Ow! You hit people with that thing? |
| 50005 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Dwight |
No, I'm carrying around the stick in order to look cool. For the kinder |
| 50006 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Jim |
Ooh. |
| 50007 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7430 |
Pam |
Mouse trap. |
| 50008 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7431 |
Dwight |
In a head-to-head contest, people prefer belsnickel over santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. it was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel. |
| 50009 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Oh, you know what? I gotta go. |
| 50010 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
Stop giggling. |
| 50011 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Pam |
Oh, really? Already? |
| 50012 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Yeah, it's all right. |
| 50013 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
It's a punishment. Hey, where are you going? |
| 50014 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
I have to go to philly. But this was amazing. Okay. |
| 50015 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
But you work tomorrow. |
| 50016 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in and get a good night's sleep. |
| 50017 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
But we were gonna break the pig rib. |
| 50018 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Ooh. |
| 50019 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
Remember? |
| 50020 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
That's right. |
| 50021 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
No matter! Belsnickel cares not about this--off with you! |
| 50022 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. |
| 50023 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't you want to know your present? |
| 50024 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
You know what? Yeah. Have at it. |
| 50025 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
Jim Halpert. Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as impish. |
| 50026 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Ooh! Are you nuts? |
| 50027 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
I judge you impish! |
| 50028 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Ow! Ow! Okay, that is three, and you didn't hit anybody that hard. |
| 50029 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
They're not abandoning the party. |
| 50030 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Just--Just--Hey! |
| 50031 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
That's enough, I'm done! Okay? Agh! |
| 50032 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Dwight |
Impish! |
| 50033 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Jim |
Aah! Ow! |
| 50034 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7432 |
Meredith |
Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. |
| 50035 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
Oh...what was that? Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. God. One second. Oh... |
| 50036 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
Well...this is it. |
| 50037 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
I'm probably never gonna see you again. |
| 50038 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. |
| 50039 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
Okay, sorry, sorry. |
| 50040 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
I can't believe this is actually happening. |
| 50041 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
Listen, thank you so much for putting that all together. That was the perfect last Christmas party. All right, wish me luck. |
| 50042 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
Okay. Good luck. You're gonna be great. |
| 50043 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
I'll call you when I get in. |
| 50044 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 50045 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 50046 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Pam |
Love you. |
| 50047 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7433 |
Jim |
Love you. |
| 50048 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7434 |
Pam |
What's going on? |
| 50049 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7434 |
Dwight |
Party's over. You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. And guess what, kids. Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! |
| 50050 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7435 |
Phyllis |
We found some old decorations in the warehouse. Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. I guess they needed me after all. It's like in it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all thos people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero. |
| 50051 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7435 |
Angela |
Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! |
| 50052 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7436 |
Nellie |
Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there. |
| 50053 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7436 |
Toby |
Yeah. So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But then I did a little research of my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting. |
| 50054 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7437 |
Darryl |
Meredith's a little cute. I'm just realizing. She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. |
| 50055 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Darryl |
Boo! |
| 50056 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Pam |
For what it's worth, I liked your party better. |
| 50057 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Dwight |
Everyone thought the food was gross, and that belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. |
| 50058 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Pam |
I don't think anyone thought that. |
| 50059 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Dwight |
Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. |
| 50060 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Pam |
Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. |
| 50061 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Dwight |
I don't care. Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten. |
| 50062 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Pam |
Zero. |
| 50063 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7438 |
Dwight |
Damn It! |
| 50064 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7439 |
Darryl |
I'm gonna tell Jim to go himself. |
| 50065 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7440 |
Erin |
Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me? |
| 50066 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7440 |
Pete |
Yeah. Definitely. Hey, what's--Oh, no, come here. Hey, hey. Come on, huh? |
| 50067 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7440 |
Erin |
I'm still Andy's girlfriend. |
| 50068 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7440 |
Pete |
Oh, yeah, of course. I know. |
| 50069 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7440 |
Erin |
But you can leave your arm. |
| 50070 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Pam |
Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? |
| 50071 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Dwight |
No, thanks. I'll just have another dumatril. Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. |
| 50072 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Jim |
Yep, I did say that. |
| 50073 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Pam |
Jim! |
| 50074 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Jim |
What's going on? Where's the belsnickel? |
| 50075 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Pam |
Oh--Oh my god! |
| 50076 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Jim |
What are you doing? Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. |
| 50077 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Dwight |
Shh. Let's not speak of that. The Pig Rib! We could totally break the pig rib! I'm gonna dig it out of the trash! |
| 50078 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Pam |
What happened? Did you miss your bus? |
| 50079 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Jim |
No. I just missed my wife. |
| 50080 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Dwight |
I found it! |
| 50081 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7441 |
Jim |
And I found out that there's a bus at 5:00 a.m. |
| 50082 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Dwight |
Oh! Damn It! Jim got the bigger half. |
| 50083 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
Back for more, huh? |
| 50084 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? |
| 50085 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
You! |
| 50086 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Oh, hey, man. Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you. They're gonna bring you in for an interview. |
| 50087 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
That's great. |
| 50088 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Right? |
| 50089 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
Thanks, man. |
| 50090 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Hey, of course. |
| 50091 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
I shall come by at your convenience. |
| 50092 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Thank you, sir. |
| 50093 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
Whoo! |
| 50094 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Jim |
Go get 'em. |
| 50095 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Darryl |
Oh! Whoa! |
| 50096 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7442 |
Dwight |
Very impish. |
| 50097 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Toby |
Two dimes, seven nickels--Well, okay, no, that doesn't add up. It was one quarter and-- |
| 50098 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Nellie |
Shh. |
| 50099 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Toby |
What? I was just explaining-- |
| 50100 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Nellie |
Shh. |
| 50101 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Toby |
Why wouldn't it-- |
| 50102 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Nellie |
Shh. |
| 50103 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Toby |
But why? |
| 50104 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Nellie |
No...more...talking. |
| 50105 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Toby |
Are you gonna kiss me? |
| 50106 |
9 |
9 |
Dwight Christmas |
7443 |
Nellie |
Yes. |
| 50107 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7444 |
Kevin |
To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops. |
| 50108 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7444 |
Jim |
I think they're going to the conference finals. |
| 50109 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7444 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 50110 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7444 |
Jim |
Bynum, obvious monster and the three point shooting, don't even-... |
| 50111 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7445 |
Jim |
I bit my lip at lunch today. |
| 50112 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7446 |
Darryl |
Sucks. Anyway, I just don't see it. The Knicks are tough.The Nets are tough. |
| 50113 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7446 |
Kevin |
Oh, the Nets are super tough. |
| 50114 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7447 |
Jim |
Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it. |
| 50115 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7448 |
Kevin |
The Hawks are terrible. They're always terrible. |
| 50116 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7448 |
Jim |
Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the... |
| 50117 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7449 |
Jim |
Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell my three year old, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen... You gotta be kidding me! Ok! Pam! That's it, I'm going home! |
| 50118 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7450 |
Erin |
Good morning, Meredith. |
| 50119 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7450 |
Pam |
What? |
| 50120 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7450 |
Erin |
Oh, sorry, Pam. Yikes. |
| 50121 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7451 |
Pam |
Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family. |
| 50122 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7452 |
Jim |
I am meeting Dr. J today, otherwise known as Julius Irving, famed 76er and my own personal hero. But i have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face because let's be honest, how would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids while she was go carting with John Stamos. |
| 50123 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
You sound tired. Everything ok? |
| 50124 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Pam |
Great. Everything's great. Hey are you nervous about your big meeting? |
| 50125 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
Uhh, a little bit. It's a lot of pressure, you know, but that's what I signed up for right? |
| 50126 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Worker |
Jim, limo's here. |
| 50127 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
Uh, you know what, I gotta hop off because my, uh, taxi is here to take me to the meeting. |
| 50128 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Pam |
Oh, call me later! |
| 50129 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
Ok |
| 50130 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Pam |
Good luck! |
| 50131 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
Thanks! |
| 50132 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Pam |
Love you. |
| 50133 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7453 |
Jim |
Love you too. Bye. |
| 50134 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7454 |
Val |
How you doing? |
| 50135 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7454 |
Darryl |
Alright. I mean, it's what you want, so... |
| 50136 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7454 |
Val |
It's how it has to be. |
| 50137 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7454 |
Darryl |
I know, I know. It's just hard. |
| 50138 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7455 |
Darryl |
Me and Val were going nowhere and if I'm gonna be working in Philly, I'm gonna need my freedom. So, I convinced Val to breakup with me. Here's how you do it. You say, "What are you gonna do, breakup with me?" Like it's a joke, and then you gain a lot of weight. |
| 50139 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7456 |
Darryl |
I'll never be sorry, not for a moment of it. |
| 50140 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7456 |
Val |
Me neither. Come here. |
| 50141 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7457 |
Pam |
Hey Meredith, I need your supplier requests today. |
| 50142 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7457 |
Meredith |
Jeez H. in the morning. Will you stop your nagging already? No wonder Jim left you. |
| 50143 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7457 |
Pam |
He didn't leave me. He just went part time. Can you just fill out the form please? |
| 50144 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7457 |
Meredith |
Yes. |
| 50145 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7458 |
Pam |
I'm sure she's just confused. People scratch their heads when they're confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens. |
| 50146 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Meredith |
Hurry up already. |
| 50147 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Erin |
Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times. |
| 50148 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Erin |
Holy wow, that's a big one. Alright, pencils down everyone, we got lice! |
| 50149 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Angela |
Oh God, Meredith, lice? Did you not sign a pledge to shower? |
| 50150 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Dwight |
What? Lice? Oh my god. Lock the doors, we are on full quarantine. |
| 50151 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Pam |
Dwight, relax. It's just lice. Maybe, possibly. |
| 50152 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7459 |
Dwight |
Just lice Pam? |
| 50153 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7460 |
Dwight |
Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7. |
| 50154 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Dwight |
Make way, nope, inspect me. |
| 50155 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen. You are all clear. |
| 50156 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Dwight |
Should be. I use lice shampoo every morning. |
| 50157 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Pam |
Stop that! |
| 50158 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Angela |
Dwight! |
| 50159 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Next! |
| 50160 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Angela |
Geez Meredith, you know, this is an office not one of your bean bag orgies. |
| 50161 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Pam |
Alright, let's give her a break. We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault. |
| 50162 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Oscar |
Pam, really? Come on. |
| 50163 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Meredith |
Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taken Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen. |
| 50164 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Lice. More lice. Angela has lice. |
| 50165 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Angela |
Ew! Oh. |
| 50166 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Ooh yabber, lice! |
| 50167 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Yikers, lice. |
| 50168 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Pam |
No! How? I'm so clean! |
| 50169 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7461 |
Erin |
Oh yeah, big time lice. |
| 50170 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7462 |
Oscar |
I wash my hands at least six times a day. Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee. Apparently, none of that is protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith. |
| 50171 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7463 |
Phyllis |
What are you wearing? |
| 50172 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7463 |
Dwight |
It's a Hazmat suit. That stands for hazaderous materials men's suit wearing. If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy. Is there anyone else here that is lice free? Excellent. Do you have your own hazmat suits? |
| 50173 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7463 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 50174 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7463 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 50175 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7463 |
Dwight |
Renters. Ok, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct your business there until the infected have been deloused. Let's get going. I'm gonna stay here and fight. If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch. |
| 50176 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Darryl |
Alright, we're going down to my warehouse, that means we're playing by my rules. No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val. We just broke up. |
| 50177 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Phyllis |
You got dumped? |
| 50178 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Darryl |
Yeah, she ended things. |
| 50179 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Nellie |
Breakups are the worst. The only thing that got me through mine are large amounts of shepard's pie and Brandy. The singer, not the drink. |
| 50180 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Kevin |
Here man. You need that more than me. |
| 50181 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Darryl |
Thanks, man. |
| 50182 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7464 |
Kevin |
Yeah |
| 50183 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Pam |
Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith. This has got to be hard for her. |
| 50184 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Angela |
Oh, no no no no no. I have not yet begun to shame. |
| 50185 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Stanley |
That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day. |
| 50186 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Erin |
No! Stanley! If you leave now then you'll get it in your car and then you'll get it in your house! |
| 50187 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Stanley |
Get off me! |
| 50188 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Erin |
I'm trying to save you from yourself! |
| 50189 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7465 |
Stanley |
Alright, I'll stay! There's a pencil broken in my rolls. |
| 50190 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7466 |
Pam |
Maybe it was Meredith. Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that i got from Cece. So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me. That is how wars get started. Fine, I'll tell her it was me. |
| 50191 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7467 |
Jim |
Oh man, that's fresh squeezed. And, uh are all the snacks complimentary? |
| 50192 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7467 |
Limo Driver |
Yeah, take some home if you want. |
| 50193 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7467 |
Jim |
Oh no, no, no. That's ok. Um I'm sorry, is this the conference center? |
| 50194 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7467 |
Limo Driver |
No, Mr. Irving called. Said he'd rather meet you at his private court. |
| 50195 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7467 |
Jim |
You gotta be kidding me. |
| 50196 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Pam |
Hey, Meredith I need to tell you something. |
| 50197 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Meredith |
Yes, Pam what do you want? |
| 50198 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Pam |
Oh my God, Meredith what are you doing!? |
| 50199 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Meredith |
Baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing? Getting rid of the lice. |
| 50200 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Pam |
Oh stop! I am so sorry! |
| 50201 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Meredith |
Oh, can you hold that thought? That's my wax. You know, I think these critters migrated from down south. What were you saying? |
| 50202 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7468 |
Pam |
Nothing. |
| 50203 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7469 |
Pam |
I am going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time. I will buy her a wig, we'll have a few laughs. There's a right way to do this. |
| 50204 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Dwight |
Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed! |
| 50205 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Erin |
No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats... |
| 50206 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Dwight |
To be burned! |
| 50207 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Erin |
To be washed. |
| 50208 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Angela |
What do we do about our heads? |
| 50209 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Dwight |
I'm not gonna lie. Lye! |
| 50210 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Erin |
No, all we need is mayonnaise. |
| 50211 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Angela |
Excuse me? |
| 50212 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Pam |
She's right, it works. I would imagine. |
| 50213 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Erin |
Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos. |
| 50214 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Oscar |
I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce. |
| 50215 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Meredith |
Shaboom! How do you like me now!? |
| 50216 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Angela |
Oh. |
| 50217 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Oscar |
Wow. |
| 50218 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Meredith |
Take a picture. It will last longer. |
| 50219 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Angela |
We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible. |
| 50220 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Creed |
Bald people make me sick. |
| 50221 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Meredith |
Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss. |
| 50222 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Erin |
Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now. |
| 50223 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Pam |
Oh! Uh, uh I'll go. |
| 50224 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Angela |
Okay. Oh, thank you. |
| 50225 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Oscar |
You're a saint, Pam. |
| 50226 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Pam |
No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans? |
| 50227 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Meredith |
Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools. |
| 50228 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 50229 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7470 |
Dwight |
Let's talk pubes, people. |
| 50230 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Val |
Hey, Darryl. |
| 50231 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Darryl |
Oh, hey Val. |
| 50232 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Nellie |
Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other. |
| 50233 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 50234 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Phyllis |
What's gonna make you feel better, big guy? |
| 50235 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Darryl |
When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head. |
| 50236 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Nellie |
Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this. |
| 50237 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Kevin |
I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake. |
| 50238 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Phyllis |
Mmm, this won't help him, it's a muffin, not cake. |
| 50239 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Nellie |
Listen, let's try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most. |
| 50240 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Kevin |
An Escalade. |
| 50241 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Nellie |
Or what's her name. |
| 50242 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Phyllis |
Val. |
| 50243 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7471 |
Nellie |
Let's get Darryl Val. |
| 50244 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Julius |
I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here. I can't get my knees under a desk. |
| 50245 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this. |
| 50246 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Julius |
Well, do you think you can sink one from deep? |
| 50247 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball. |
| 50248 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Julius |
Okay. Wow, Halpert's got game. |
| 50249 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Alright. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this? |
| 50250 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Julius |
It's your wife? You better take it. |
| 50251 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Right! Hey, what's up? Everything ok? |
| 50252 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Pam |
Oh, no everything's great! Um, I was just calling to see how the meeting went. |
| 50253 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
It's still happening right now actually, so uh... |
| 50254 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Pam |
He's really making you work for it, huh? |
| 50255 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay? |
| 50256 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Pam |
Great. I am killing it over here. Jim, I gotta go. |
| 50257 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
Okay, bye. So sorry about that. |
| 50258 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Julius |
No problem. Hey Jim, what size do you wear, man? I got a pair of japanese Nikes with your name on them. What do you think? |
| 50259 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7472 |
Jim |
I love it. |
| 50260 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Erin |
Once it's all over your head, just leavr it there for four hours. That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep, suffrocate, and then pass away. |
| 50261 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Dwight |
Oh sure, and when you're ready to get serious, come to me to get it done right. |
| 50262 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Stanley |
Put those away before you hurt yourself. |
| 50263 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Dwight |
Oh God, oh no. No. No. No! No! No! No! No! |
| 50264 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Erin |
Okay, it's easier with a buddy, so everybody pair up. |
| 50265 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Angela |
Oscar, do you want to be my partner? |
| 50266 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Oscar |
Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to.. |
| 50267 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Creed |
Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay? |
| 50268 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Erin |
Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete? |
| 50269 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Pete |
Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man. |
| 50270 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Pam |
Hey, Creed, wanna be my buddy? |
| 50271 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7473 |
Creed |
Oh God. Stuck with the weirdo. |
| 50272 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7474 |
Oscar |
Angela. |
| 50273 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7474 |
Angela |
You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up? |
| 50274 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7475 |
Meredith |
You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more. |
| 50275 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7476 |
Pam |
Creed, I'm all done. My turn. |
| 50276 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7476 |
Creed |
I'm sorry, Pam. It looks a little messy. |
| 50277 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7476 |
Pam |
Well, wait. |
| 50278 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7477 |
Pete |
How's that? |
| 50279 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7477 |
Erin |
I feel it working. Eiffel tower! |
| 50280 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Val |
Can I help you? |
| 50281 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Phyllis |
Well, we don't want to pry but we heard you broke up with Darryl. |
| 50282 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Val |
Yeah, that's true. |
| 50283 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Phyllis |
We think you made a big, big mistake. |
| 50284 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Kevin |
Big mistake. |
| 50285 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Nellie |
Quite enormous. |
| 50286 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Phyllis |
He's a real catch and you should take him back. |
| 50287 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Val |
Ok, thank you. Is that all? |
| 50288 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Nellie |
No. No, that is not all. Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you're all you need. One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because in some strange way it is you? |
| 50289 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Val |
Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay? |
| 50290 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Kevin |
So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back? |
| 50291 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Val |
No. |
| 50292 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7478 |
Kevin |
Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever. |
| 50293 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7479 |
Val |
Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out. |
| 50294 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Pam |
Hello? |
| 50295 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Helene |
Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice. |
| 50296 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Pam |
What, no. That can't...I don't... |
| 50297 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Helene |
Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like... |
| 50298 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Angela |
Oh my God. |
| 50299 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7480 |
Meredith |
Shave her head. Shave her head! |
| 50300 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Pam |
You guys, I am so sorry! It's just been so chaotic with Jim gone, that... |
| 50301 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Meredith |
Yeah yeah, Princess Fancypants let Jane 12-pack over here take the fall. |
| 50302 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Dwight |
She's right Pam. |
| 50303 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Pam |
Is there a volume knob on that thing? |
| 50304 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Dwight |
Yeah there's a volume knob on that thing. |
| 50305 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Pam |
Meredith, I am so sorry. |
| 50306 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Angela |
Well, a lot of good your sorrys are doing her now, Pam. She's a monster. |
| 50307 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Pam |
I meant to say something earlier. I just... |
| 50308 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7481 |
Meredith |
Just? Just what? Just forgot? |
| 50309 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7482 |
Meredith |
Who's the one who didn't bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn't bring the lice in. That was all Pam. |
| 50310 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7483 |
Dwight |
Attention, people of the office. You have exactly 60 secondes to evacutate the bull pen. At that time, I will be tossing this powerful insecticidal grenade, which contains piperonyl butoxide, as well as... |
| 50311 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7483 |
Erin |
Dwight, are you okay!? |
| 50312 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7483 |
Dwight |
Whoa. Hypertoxide has a mild hallucigenic effect, but I don't think it's kicked in yet. I'm gonna count down from ten. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple. |
| 50313 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7483 |
Erin |
Wow. He got to purple. |
| 50314 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7484 |
Oscar |
Ow! |
| 50315 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7484 |
Angela |
Sorry. |
| 50316 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7484 |
Oscar |
You're waterboarding me! |
| 50317 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7484 |
Angela |
Oops. |
| 50318 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7485 |
Kevin |
No, this is fine. We are allowed to do this. This is okay. |
| 50319 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Erin |
You're up. |
| 50320 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Pete |
Yeah, I'm kinda sad to see this baby go. |
| 50321 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Erin |
You do kinda look like Elvis, but we should probably wash all the dead lice out. |
| 50322 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Pete |
Okay. |
| 50323 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Erin |
Okay. Okay. Is that too cold? |
| 50324 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7486 |
Pete |
No, it actually feels kinda nice. |
| 50325 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7487 |
Kevin |
I wonder what happened over there. I've been sitting here the whole time. |
| 50326 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Val |
Okay. |
| 50327 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Darryl |
Huh? |
| 50328 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Val |
Let's give it a shot. Let's make it work. |
| 50329 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Darryl |
Oh, no. I mean, I want to, I just...I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do. |
| 50330 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Val |
You're not. I believe in us. |
| 50331 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7488 |
Darryl |
But... |
| 50332 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7489 |
Darryl |
I'm back together with Val. Yay... |
| 50333 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7490 |
Dwight |
I had a pretty good day today. Not everything went exactly according to plan, but lice if you are watching, I am ready for you anytime, anywhere. |
| 50334 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7491 |
Pete |
Hey, did Erin already take off? |
| 50335 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7491 |
Oscar |
I guess so. |
| 50336 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7491 |
Pete |
Okay. |
| 50337 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Julius |
You're Kareem, coming to help. |
| 50338 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Jim |
Okay, I'm Kareem. That makes total sense. I'm Kareem. You're Dr. J. Just sounds weird to say out loud. |
| 50339 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Julius |
And it went like this. |
| 50340 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Jim |
And that's all? |
| 50341 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Julius |
That's it. |
| 50342 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Jim |
No one will believe this back home, but that's okay. Let me show you how it's done. |
| 50343 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7492 |
Julius |
Yeah, you show me how. |
| 50344 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Jim |
This is Jim Halpert, leave a message. |
| 50345 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Pam |
Hey honey, it's me. Just trying to catch you before going home. Um, oh, well just give me a call whenever. Hope your day got better. Love you. |
| 50346 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Meredith |
Hey, what you doing right now? |
| 50347 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Pam |
I'm just gonna go home. My mom's been watching the kids all day. |
| 50348 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Meredith |
Let her stay another hour. Let's go get a beer. |
| 50349 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Pam |
Really? A beer sounds incredible right now. |
| 50350 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7493 |
Meredith |
No duh. Let's go. You're buying. |
| 50351 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7494 |
Pam |
Meredith, I am so sorry about today. |
| 50352 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7494 |
Meredith |
Forget about it. |
| 50353 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7494 |
Pam |
I just did not realize how hard it was gonna be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years. It whipped my ass in half a week. I have to say, there are not a lot of people who could pull off a shaved head, but you are rocking it. |
| 50354 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7494 |
Meredith |
Right. I got the bartender's phone number when you were in the john. I'm gonna take that freak to bone town before the night is over. |
| 50355 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7494 |
Pam |
Get it, girl! |
| 50356 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7495 |
Pam |
This one's for all you ladies out there. |
| 50357 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7495 |
Meredith |
I come... |
| 50358 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7495 |
Pam |
Not yet. |
| 50359 |
9 |
10 |
Lice |
7495 |
Both |
I come home in the middle of the night. My mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh Mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they want to have fun. Oh girls just want to have fun. |
| 50360 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7496 |
New Instant Message |
Stone & Son Suit Warehouse contract expired with their paper provider! Go get it! â“David Wallace |
| 50361 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7497 |
Dwight |
Stone and Son Suit Warehouse recently lost their paper provider. They're a family owned business . Jim and I used to clean up at those. We'd go in pretending to be family ⓠbrothers. We did it at a family owned law firm, at a family owned construction company, and a family owned motorcycle store. Jim and Dwight Shrupert. I was the dynamic, likeable winner that was doted upon by Mom. And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist pretending to belong. The client never knew any of that, but I knew. |
| 50362 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of "Handsome and Stinky, paper brothers for hire". |
| 50363 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Jim |
Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy. |
| 50364 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
Oh, god, this again? You're Stinky. |
| 50365 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Jim |
Okay. There's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something. |
| 50366 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
Phyllis, my sister? More like my dead great great grandmother who died of stupidity. |
| 50367 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Phyllis |
I have ears, Dwight. |
| 50368 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears. See what you leave me with here, Jim? |
| 50369 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Jim |
Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now. |
| 50370 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour. |
| 50371 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Jim |
Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour? |
| 50372 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7498 |
Dwight |
Mmm. That's a good... question. 300 times... 180... Um that comes to 25 minutes. Yes. Oh, well, thank you Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you. |
| 50373 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Nellie |
Darryl, looking good! |
| 50374 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Darryl |
Heading to Philly. Interview with Jim's company. |
| 50375 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Pam |
Hey, good luck. When you get to Philly, will you tell Jim I miss him? |
| 50376 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Darryl |
Why don't you come along and tell him yourself? |
| 50377 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Pam |
Ha ha. That'd be great. Kind of like ditching school, except instead of getting suspended, you get... What do you get? Oh my god! Why didn't I think of this? Andy's not here. Oh, hey, Erin, um, I'm expecting a shipment of pens. Can you cover that? |
| 50378 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Erin |
Mhm. Cover that. What does that mean, exactly? What are we talking here? Details. |
| 50379 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Pam |
A delivery guy will deliver a box of pens, and you just make sure everything's in order. |
| 50380 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Erin |
What? Everything? What, how do I make sure it's in order? I haven't been trained for this. |
| 50381 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7499 |
Pam |
Okay, see you later. |
| 50382 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Clark |
Hey guys. |
| 50383 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Phyllis |
Clark! |
| 50384 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Meredith |
Hey! |
| 50385 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Oscar |
Hey, look who's back, Dwight Junior. |
| 50386 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Kevin |
Hey, so how was it? I mean... the s*x with Jan. |
| 50387 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7500 |
Clark |
A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved. |
| 50388 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7501 |
Clark |
Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was uh... like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room. |
| 50389 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Meredith |
Nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Like my mom used to say, "Talk classy, act nasty". |
| 50390 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Clark |
What's with the wig Meredith? |
| 50391 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Meredith |
What, is it on backwards? |
| 50392 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Clark |
Nope, you got it. You fixed it. Uh, I have a gift from Jan. It's an espresso maker! We came to be quite fond of espresso on the Amalfi Coast so... bon appetite. |
| 50393 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Phyllis |
Ooo! 16 types of espresso! Now that's Italian. |
| 50394 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Oscar |
My friend has one of these. Fool-proof espresso every time. |
| 50395 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Meredith |
Always with the friends Oscar. Can't we just enjoy the new espresso machine? |
| 50396 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7502 |
Oscar |
Actually, it's pronounced "espresso"... Wait. That's what you said. I apologize, I just assumed you would mispronounce it. So... |
| 50397 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Dwight |
There he is! We are all so proud of you for the small part that you played in landing the white pages. Prouder of me, but... |
| 50398 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Clark |
If you really want to show appreciation, just give me half the commission. |
| 50399 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Dwight |
Gosh, you know, I wish I could but, uh... No. Hey, listen, remember how everyone used to call you Dwight Junior and how much you loved that? |
| 50400 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Clark |
I loved it. |
| 50401 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Dwight |
How would you like to pretend to by my son in order to land a sale? |
| 50402 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Clark |
If it'll lead to me being a salesman, I'll pretend to be your friend. |
| 50403 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7503 |
Dwight |
Then looks like we have a deal... Son |
| 50404 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7504 |
Erin |
Hi guys! |
| 50405 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7504 |
Pete |
Hey, look who it is! |
| 50406 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7504 |
Erin |
Sorry. Super-busy. Pens coming in later, just grabbing a Java before all hell breaks loose. |
| 50407 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7504 |
Oscar |
Try this one. |
| 50408 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7504 |
Erin |
Thank you! |
| 50409 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7505 |
Erin |
I don't really have time to think about Pete right now. I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens. And I have a lot of people trusting me, and I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone's trust. About the pens. |
| 50410 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7506 |
Pam |
You ready for your interview? |
| 50411 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7506 |
Darryl |
I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy's job in the bag until my interview. |
| 50412 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7506 |
Pam |
Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim. |
| 50413 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7506 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I guess... |
| 50414 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7506 |
Pam |
Really, you can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he's basically Gumby with hair. |
| 50415 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Suit Store Father |
It's kind of funny, a father and son sales team meeting with a father and son suit store. |
| 50416 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Dwight |
You know, you're right! We hadn't even thought of that, had we boy? |
| 50417 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Clark |
No, we sure hadn't Pop. |
| 50418 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Dwight |
Oh! You're a hunter I see. Spend your early mornings out in the blinds, like Clarky and me. Huh? |
| 50419 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Clark |
He calls me Clarky â˜cause he's my Dad. |
| 50420 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Dwight |
Guilty! |
| 50421 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Suit Store Father |
You don't meet many hunters these days. |
| 50422 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Clark |
My dad is the best hunter there is. I mean, he's like a serial killer... of animals. One time, he snuck up behind a sleeping deer and just sawed its head right of. It was sick! |
| 50423 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Dwight |
It was his birthday, just turned three. So... |
| 50424 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7507 |
Suit Store Father |
Ahh... |
| 50425 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Oscar |
You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy? |
| 50426 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Nellie |
No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder? |
| 50427 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Taste test? I'm in! |
| 50428 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Oscar |
YOLO! |
| 50429 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Phyllis |
What? |
| 50430 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Oscar |
It's a thing. It means "you only live once". |
| 50431 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Yeah, we're aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it. |
| 50432 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Oscar |
Well... |
| 50433 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Alright everybody, who's in? Angela? Don't make us come over there. |
| 50434 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Angela |
No, I don't... no. |
| 50435 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Alright, let's go. |
| 50436 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Angela |
Can't I just agree without putting my hand in? |
| 50437 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Nellie |
Absolutely not! |
| 50438 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
No way. |
| 50439 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Angela |
Oh, fine. |
| 50440 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Ok guys, "we all drink them all". |
| 50441 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Everyone |
We all drink them all! |
| 50442 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 50443 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Oscar |
Yes! |
| 50444 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Nellie |
Whoo! |
| 50445 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Phyllis |
Hey, where's my ring? |
| 50446 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7508 |
Creed |
I'm sure it'll turn up. |
| 50447 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Athlead Employee |
Yes ma'am, you want to go east on Franklin, take that all the way to Commonweath. You'll see us on the right side, you can't miss us. |
| 50448 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Dennis |
...And I want to reach every demographic possible. |
| 50449 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
No, I hear what you're saying, and we will. The thing is, we gotta lock down this key demographic first. The rest will come, I promise. Just give me a couple weeks, alright? |
| 50450 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Dennis |
We're talking weeks here, not months, right? |
| 50451 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
Weeks. Always weeks. Man, the last time I talked months was like, a million weeks ago. |
| 50452 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Dennis |
Alright. Good. |
| 50453 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
Thanks Dennis, I appreciate it. Hey! How are you? |
| 50454 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Pam |
Good! |
| 50455 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
What are you doing here? |
| 50456 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Pam |
I just wanted to see you! |
| 50457 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
That's so great! |
| 50458 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Darryl |
Damn! Jim, you got a real Facebook energy going on here man. You Zuckerberged this place out! |
| 50459 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
It's pretty great, right? I mean, we're coming along... Hey, Wade, we gotta just push up Dennis's timeline |
| 50460 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Wade |
Okay |
| 50461 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7509 |
Jim |
Actually, you know what? Give me one second, okay? Make yourselves at home. |
| 50462 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
...But I think that all of your concerns will be answered when you see the brochure that Clark's getting out of my car. He's a good boy, does whatever I say. |
| 50463 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Suit Store Father |
I can't relate to that, my son hates my guts. |
| 50464 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
Oh... really. |
| 50465 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Suit Store Father |
Bring him into the business, and he resents me. How do you like that? |
| 50466 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
Well, things between me and Clark are good, but not great. In fact, I will say that they're not even good. Really, they're bad. Like you and your son. |
| 50467 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Clark |
Here you go, Pop! I know it was just a couple minutes, but... God I missed you! |
| 50468 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
What took you so long? Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie? |
| 50469 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Clark |
I sure was. Just like he taught me, looking cool. |
| 50470 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
You're being disrespectful! |
| 50471 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Clark |
...And I love you, for saying that. |
| 50472 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
We don't get along. |
| 50473 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Clark |
Ha ha! I just burned him. Because the truth is... our relationship is... terr- |
| 50474 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
Terrible! |
| 50475 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Clark |
Terrible. |
| 50476 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7510 |
Dwight |
Yes! Genius. Stupid, stupid genius! |
| 50477 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Pam |
Wow, this place is... so great. I had no idea ⓠon the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky. |
| 50478 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Jim |
Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so... These things go down all the time. |
| 50479 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Darryl |
If this company's going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it. |
| 50480 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Jim |
Are you cool to just hang out? |
| 50481 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Pam |
Sure, no problem. |
| 50482 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Jim |
Yeah? You ready? |
| 50483 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 50484 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7511 |
Jim |
Let's do it! |
| 50485 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7512 |
Erin |
The pen delivery went amazing, and now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I'm not one of those people who's just like, "Uh, sure. I'll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back's turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand... they are just sitting here. Pam didn't tell me not to unpack them. Don't want to be a busybody, but I don't want to be a lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Ahh! My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now, it's insane! I'm sorry, what was your question again? Oh yeah, no. I've never had an espresso before. They're good though. |
| 50486 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Nellie |
A-bam! My favorite is Viennese Amaretto. And the worst flavor I've tried so far is Alpine Select! |
| 50487 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 50488 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Angela |
Ugh! |
| 50489 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Kevin |
One! |
| 50490 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Angela |
Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! |
| 50491 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Kevin |
Two... |
| 50492 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Angela |
Stop it! |
| 50493 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Kevin |
Three... |
| 50494 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Oscar |
That's enough Kevin. |
| 50495 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Angela |
Stop it Kevin! |
| 50496 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Kevin |
Four! |
| 50497 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Oscar |
That's enough! |
| 50498 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7513 |
Angela |
Kevin! |
| 50499 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
So for your menswear catalogue, I think we can offer you some very competitive pricing. |
| 50500 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Father |
I heard that before... |
| 50501 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
Well, I understand, but ⓠ|
| 50502 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
I bet you have. He knows nothing about what people have heard before, my son. |
| 50503 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
Here we go again, another lecture from the old man. |
| 50504 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Father |
Listen to him. He created you. |
| 50505 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
Maybe if you listened a little bit, you'd improve. No wonder women despise you. |
| 50506 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
Women don't despise me... |
| 50507 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
His last girlfriend was a transvestite. I knew it right away. Adam's apple like the prow of a ship, thumbs like a lowland gorilla. Ha, but this one couldn't see it, or didn't wanna see it. |
| 50508 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
Alright, that's enough, â˜cause I can say some things about him too. |
| 50509 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
Yeah? Like what? |
| 50510 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
Like the time that you got drunk and, and then... Killed those kids on their way to prom! |
| 50511 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
That never happened. He's always been a liar. Ever since he was a little kid. He got caught "saving treats" from the kitty litter box. |
| 50512 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Father |
Really shameful... |
| 50513 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
So we can offer you matte or glossy printing- |
| 50514 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers. |
| 50515 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
There's obviously a volume discount uh, if you- |
| 50516 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
Following the cat around on his knees with his hands cupped beneath its tail, going "please kitty, may I have some more?" You can't make this stuff up! |
| 50517 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Clark |
No, I think someone could make it up. Someone with very few friends. |
| 50518 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Son |
Hey fellas, sorry to keep you waiting. |
| 50519 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Father |
Here he is, my son. |
| 50520 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Dwight |
Got cat turd collector written all over him. |
| 50521 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7514 |
Suit Store Son |
...Did you say cat turd collector? |
| 50522 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Athlead Employee |
...So definitely looking to expand our market, but for now we're just concentrating on athletes that are popular here in the northeast. Of course, that's not a mandate. |
| 50523 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Darryl |
"Mandate"- Always think of two men on a date. I have gay friends... I have one gay friend. Oscar? |
| 50524 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Jim |
Mm-hm |
| 50525 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Athlead Employee |
Alright, so what makes you think you'd be a good fit here? |
| 50526 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Darryl |
Ummm... Alright. Obviously y'all look really busy, and uh, I don't want to waste your time anymore. Sorry, I just uhh... Obviously I'm not qualified to be here man, I'm... I'm a warehouse manager, you know... |
| 50527 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Athlead Employee |
Darryl, I was a newspaper editor. |
| 50528 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Female Athlead Employee |
Science teacher, volleyball coach. |
| 50529 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
3rd Athlead Employee |
I work at a home shopping network. |
| 50530 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
4th Athlead Employee |
I'm a laywer. I'm the only one here who can honestly help. |
| 50531 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Jim |
And as you know, I was a paper salesman. Hey, I find it helps if you just picture everybody naked. |
| 50532 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Darryl |
Cool. Hey, thanks... |
| 50533 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Athlead Employee |
So how about we start over, hmm? Darryl, do you have any thoughts on the company? |
| 50534 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7515 |
Darryl |
Yes, as a matter of fact, I uh... I wrote some down. There you go. Wow, this guy came prepared, it impresses me! |
| 50535 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7516 |
Stanley |
Ah! So, this is what 2:00 P.M. looks like around here! |
| 50536 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7517 |
Stanley |
I usually take a siesta about now. |
| 50537 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Pete |
Stocking pens, huh? You're like the new office administrator. |
| 50538 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Erin |
No, I just took over the pen shipment because Pam had to leave. When I say it out loud, I know that sounds insane, but it's the truth, I swear. |
| 50539 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Kevin |
Pam! Pam, look out! Erin's gunning for your job! |
| 50540 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Erin |
No, I'm not! It's not like that at all! Forget it, I'm so sorry. |
| 50541 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Kevin |
Pam, look out! |
| 50542 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7518 |
Erin |
Pens, you did not buy into this. I am sorry, what a day you've had. |
| 50543 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7519 |
Athlead Employee |
By the way, Jim talks about you all the time. |
| 50544 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7519 |
Pam |
That's sweet that he talks about me. |
| 50545 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7519 |
Athlead Employee |
It's too bad he still hast to work part time in Scranton though... |
| 50546 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7519 |
Pam |
Well, that's funny because I think of him as working part time in Philadelphia. |
| 50547 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7519 |
Athlead Employee |
We can't wait until you move here. |
| 50548 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Son |
I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper? |
| 50549 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Dwight |
Do you mind? The men are talking. |
| 50550 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Father |
Sons used to idolize their fathers. |
| 50551 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Dwight |
Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract? |
| 50552 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Father |
I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract. |
| 50553 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Son |
Okay Pop... |
| 50554 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Dwight |
Wait, so you're the boss? |
| 50555 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Son |
That's right. |
| 50556 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Clark |
Hi, I'm Clark. |
| 50557 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Son |
Hey. |
| 50558 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Clark |
Let's talk. |
| 50559 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Suit Store Son |
Okay. |
| 50560 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7520 |
Clark |
So if you look at our catalog here... |
| 50561 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7521 |
Athlead Employee |
Well, thanks for coming down Darryl. |
| 50562 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7521 |
Female Athlead Employee |
It was nice meeting you Darryl, I think you'd fit in great here. |
| 50563 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7521 |
Darryl |
Yeah, yeah me too. I think it'd be like... You know what? I think it'd be like a Kevin Durant jump shot... Perfecto! Oh my god... |
| 50564 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
They're the ones who put a fish tank next to a basketball hoop. It's like if I put a glass of milk on the edge of the table and Cece knocks it over, I don't blame Cece. |
| 50565 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
So I'm like a three year old girl in this scenario... |
| 50566 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
Say they don't hire you. It's not like you're out on the street. You have a great job with people who love you. |
| 50567 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
And I'd only get to see Jada on the weekends. You know, I'm... I'm not so sure I'd like living in Philadelphia. |
| 50568 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
Right? Thank you! It's just Philly. Everyone's acting like it's New York or Paris or London. |
| 50569 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
Who needs it? |
| 50570 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
Not us. |
| 50571 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Jim |
Okay, so the consensus was that that was unique. They're going to make you pay for the fish, and... they wanted to know when you can start. |
| 50572 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
What? How about yesterday? |
| 50573 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
Congratulations. |
| 50574 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
Oh, thank you. |
| 50575 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Pam |
I guess you gotta move to Philly after all. |
| 50576 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7522 |
Darryl |
Yes, I love Philly! Two-One-Five or die! |
| 50577 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7523 |
Pam |
No, I'm not upset. I'm really excited for Darryl... Maybe I'm a little disappointed that we'll be losing him. |
| 50578 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7524 |
Kevin |
It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really really hot in here. |
| 50579 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7524 |
Oscar |
It's insane! They need to have the A.C. on year round! January too! |
| 50580 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7524 |
Angela |
I don't get the point of this stupid window! |
| 50581 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7525 |
Clark |
I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out. |
| 50582 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7525 |
Suit Store Son |
Does that suit come with a fire extinguisher? |
| 50583 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7525 |
Clark |
You know what Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house". |
| 50584 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7525 |
Suit Store Son |
He's got you there... |
| 50585 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Suit Store Son |
That's Italian silk. Very comfortable. Very tasteful... Although expensive. |
| 50586 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Dwight |
Yeah, you don't want Italian. You'll look like a mafia don. Next thing you know, you'll be doing life in Rikers Island. |
| 50587 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Clark |
Well, that's better than looking like the undertaker from boring island. |
| 50588 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Dwight |
That place doesn't exist. It's not a documented island. Ha ha, cartograph much? |
| 50589 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Clark |
How do I look? |
| 50590 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7526 |
Dwight |
Actually... You look great. They steered you right. I guess it does make sense buying from a father son team. You know what? I'll take one too. |
| 50591 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Oscar |
Everyone! Now that we have all this energy, why don't we move the copier into the annex like we've always wanted to? |
| 50592 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Nellie |
Whoo! |
| 50593 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Meredith |
Frickin' A! |
| 50594 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Oscar |
Huh? |
| 50595 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Kevin |
So long, noise! |
| 50596 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Oscar |
One, two, three! |
| 50597 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Nellie |
And we have torn up the carpet! Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble! |
| 50598 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Oscar |
Wait! It's beautiful. Hardwood! I always knew it was down here, I just never dreamed that I would actually see it. |
| 50599 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Meredith |
Tear up the carpet! |
| 50600 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7527 |
Nellie |
Whoo! |
| 50601 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7528 |
Darryl |
Kill their fish, and they still hire me. That's how you do that, baby. It's all good, I'm ready. Y'all ready for this? |
| 50602 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7528 |
Pam |
Everybody dance now... |
| 50603 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Oscar |
Kevin, move. I can't pull up the rug if you're standing on it with your rhinoceros feet. |
| 50604 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Kevin |
Well I can't stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me. |
| 50605 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Angela |
Oh, my head is killing me. Does anyone have a baby asprin? |
| 50606 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Nellie |
Oh, enough with the whining already! Why don't you just have some more coffee? |
| 50607 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Stanley |
It's all gone. I didn't get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant. |
| 50608 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Creed |
I saw the leaves twitch! |
| 50609 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Angela |
Shut up! |
| 50610 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Creed |
You shut up! |
| 50611 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Oscar |
Everybody shut up and work! |
| 50612 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Phyllis |
We don't work for you! |
| 50613 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Kevin |
Yeah! |
| 50614 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Angela |
Yeah! |
| 50615 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Stanley |
Hey, it's five o'clock. |
| 50616 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Oscar |
Kevin, can- |
| 50617 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7529 |
Angela |
What's going on? |
| 50618 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Dwight |
Yes! We did it! |
| 50619 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Clark |
You opened the door- |
| 50620 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Dwight |
And you closed it. The boys are back in town. High fives! Ha ha! |
| 50621 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Clark |
Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right? |
| 50622 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Dwight |
You got me! I used to collect them! |
| 50623 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Clark |
Why? |
| 50624 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7530 |
Dwight |
Each one is very different, like a snowflake. |
| 50625 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7531 |
Pam |
Hey... What happened here? |
| 50626 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7531 |
Erin |
You left me in charge of the pens, Pam. That's what happened. The pens happened. |
| 50627 |
9 |
11 |
Suit Warehouse |
7531 |
Pam |
...Are the pens here? |
| 50628 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7532 |
Dwight |
Gotta clear out these file cabinets people, a lot of these are dead accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd.  A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail. |
| 50629 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7533 |
Pam |
: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? |
| 50630 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7533 |
Jim |
I think I'm a little too busy these days to s--- Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail. |
| 50631 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7534 |
Jim |
The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then. |
| 50632 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Kevin |
I don't get it. |
| 50633 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Dwight |
Aha! A lightbulb. |
| 50634 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Kevin |
A lightbul-- |
| 50635 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Dwight |
A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. Invisible ink. |
| 50636 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 50637 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Dwight |
"Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting! |
| 50638 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Angela |
Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight! |
| 50639 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7535 |
Jim |
: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ... |
| 50640 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7536 |
Jim |
...and finds the... fake grail? No grail? |
| 50641 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7537 |
Pam |
You don't remember? |
| 50642 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7538 |
Jim |
I don't. |
| 50643 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7539 |
Dwight |
An "X." |
| 50644 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7539 |
Oscar |
Annex. It must open something in the annex. |
| 50645 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7540 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 50646 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7540 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 50647 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7540 |
Dwight |
"Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance. |
| 50648 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7541 |
Pete |
What? |
| 50649 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7541 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 50650 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7541 |
Kevin |
That's a flush. |
| 50651 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7542 |
All |
The warehouse. |
| 50652 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7543 |
Pam |
There's nothing down here. |
| 50653 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7544 |
Jim |
Oh, I expected more from young Halpert. |
| 50654 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7545 |
Dwight |
Let's just forget it. Forget it. |
| 50655 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Nellie |
So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative? |
| 50656 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Erin |
Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack. |
| 50657 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Nellie |
Wow. |
| 50658 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Erin |
It's just Pete in sunglasses. |
| 50659 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Nellie |
Oh. |
| 50660 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Erin |
And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin. |
| 50661 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Pete |
Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them "Like" Derek's "Likes." |
| 50662 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Erin |
So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big. |
| 50663 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Nellie |
You two are geniuses. And I am a genius putting you two together. |
| 50664 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7546 |
Erin |
All right. |
| 50665 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7547 |
Erin |
Pete and I work well together -- not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy... or girl-- not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question? |
| 50666 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7548 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 50667 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7548 |
Co-worker |
Hey Jim. Peter Rowley at Bridgeport Capital requested a meeting at lunch. |
| 50668 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7548 |
Jim |
Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later. |
| 50669 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7548 |
Co-worker #2 |
Uh sure. No problem. |
| 50670 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7549 |
Jim |
Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right? |
| 50671 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Dwight |
Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company." |
| 50672 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Darryl |
Nothing stupid about working for yourself. Hanging out with pro athletes, getting free tickets to the games. That's why I'm doing it. |
| 50673 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Dwight |
You're working for "Stumpany" too? |
| 50674 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Darryl |
Yeah, just weekends for now, but pretty soon, I'm switching over. |
| 50675 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 50676 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7550 |
Darryl |
Yep. |
| 50677 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Dwight |
Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end? |
| 50678 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Jim |
Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity. |
| 50679 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Dwight |
You won't stop until you've poached us all. |
| 50680 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Jim |
Yeah. Even you. |
| 50681 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Dwight |
No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me. |
| 50682 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7551 |
Jim |
Bye, Dwight. |
| 50683 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7552 |
Jim |
Hi. How are ya? Good to see you. |
| 50684 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7553 |
Pam |
Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? |
| 50685 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7553 |
Kevin |
Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato? |
| 50686 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7553 |
Pam |
Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a-- um, just never mind. |
| 50687 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7553 |
Angela |
I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you. |
| 50688 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7554 |
Pam |
Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with -- some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb? |
| 50689 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7555 |
Pam |
Well, I'm heading out to Cece's dance recital. |
| 50690 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7555 |
Oscar |
Aw. |
| 50691 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Hey, Cece, Daddy's gonna have dinner with us tonight after he comes to your recital. Are you excited? |
| 50692 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Cece |
Yeah. |
| 50693 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Let's call him. |
| 50694 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
Hey. I was just about to call you. |
| 50695 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Hey, Hon, are you close? |
| 50696 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
I am still in Philly, actually. |
| 50697 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
What? |
| 50698 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board. |
| 50699 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Hon, I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren't gonna make it. |
| 50700 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call. |
| 50701 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Cece |
I want Daddy. |
| 50702 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam? |
| 50703 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Of course. |
| 50704 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone? |
| 50705 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something. |
| 50706 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone. |
| 50707 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Pam |
I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy." |
| 50708 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Cece |
Bye, Daddy. |
| 50709 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Jim |
Bye.  Yep. See, you've still got to press "End," Pam. |
| 50710 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7556 |
Cece |
Press "End." |
| 50711 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
Oh, check it out. This is our first real "Like." |
| 50712 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Erin |
Oh, my gosh! |
| 50713 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific. |
| 50714 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Erin |
Wow. That guy's really into paper. |
| 50715 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 50716 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Nellie |
Well done, you two. |
| 50717 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Erin |
We did it. Youth task force forever. |
| 50718 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
Yes. |
| 50719 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
Bap, bup, bup, bap. Wait. Did I go first and then you? |
| 50720 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Erin |
No, you go -- okay. |
| 50721 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7557 |
Pete |
All right, all right.Okay, start over. |
| 50722 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7558 |
Nellie |
Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man.  "Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie. |
| 50723 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Dwight |
Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around -- on me. Just sign your name below. |
| 50724 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Dwight |
You're welcome. |
| 50725 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Phyllis |
Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"? |
| 50726 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Dwight |
This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want. |
| 50727 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Oscar |
"Loyalty pledge"? |
| 50728 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Darryl |
Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows. |
| 50729 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7559 |
Dwight |
Yeah, we'll see about that. |
| 50730 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7560 |
Dwight |
Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"... |
| 50731 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7560 |
Clark |
They got us set up with Windows 95,  so you're kind of dreaming here. |
| 50732 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7560 |
Dwight |
Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out. |
| 50733 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean? |
| 50734 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Kevin |
Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches. |
| 50735 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority-- the client. |
| 50736 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Mr. Romanko |
I wouldn't say a rage. |
| 50737 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Darryl |
Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again. |
| 50738 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Mr. Romanko |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 50739 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl?  L-- |
| 50740 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Darryl |
Loyalty. |
| 50741 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Loyalty. |
| 50742 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
Loyalty is exactly right. |
| 50743 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 50744 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships? |
| 50745 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Stanley |
That's none of your damn business. |
| 50746 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin. |
| 50747 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Darryl |
Darryl is dating Val... still. |
| 50748 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to. |
| 50749 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Mr. Romanko |
I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here? |
| 50750 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 50751 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's-- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean. |
| 50752 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 50753 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example? |
| 50754 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Creed |
Let's try it out. |
| 50755 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Nellie |
No, let's-- let's-- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X. |
| 50756 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Angela |
Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy. |
| 50757 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Erin |
Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy? |
| 50758 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Angela |
Yes. And he didn't like it. |
| 50759 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Phyllis |
Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X? |
| 50760 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7561 |
Kevin |
Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with? |
| 50761 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Dance Teacher |
Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas. |
| 50762 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Ballerinas |
One, two, three. |
| 50763 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Parent in Audience |
Really? |
| 50764 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Pam |
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. |
| 50765 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Ballerinas |
One, two, three. |
| 50766 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Pam |
Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? Oh, my God! |
| 50767 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Audience |
Shh! |
| 50768 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Pam |
Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you. |
| 50769 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Parent in audience #2 |
You're very rude. |
| 50770 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Parent in audience #1 |
Yes, very rude. |
| 50771 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7562 |
Pam |
Shh! Kids are dancing. |
| 50772 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7563 |
Dwight |
Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself? |
| 50773 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7563 |
Darryl |
Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that. |
| 50774 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7563 |
Dwight |
It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products. |
| 50775 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7563 |
Darryl |
It can. |
| 50776 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7563 |
Dwight |
Are you pretending to be crazy, huh? |
| 50777 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7564 |
Phyllis |
Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird. |
| 50778 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7564 |
Erin |
I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything. |
| 50779 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Meredith |
Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers. |
| 50780 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Oscar |
People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man? |
| 50781 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Erin |
Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete? |
| 50782 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Pete |
That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from? |
| 50783 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Kevin |
Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your pen1s. |
| 50784 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Erin |
Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force. |
| 50785 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7565 |
Nellie |
I suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah. |
| 50786 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7566 |
Nellie |
Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass. |
| 50787 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7567 |
Investor |
Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me. |
| 50788 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7567 |
Co-worker |
Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim? |
| 50789 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7567 |
Jim |
Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s-- |
| 50790 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7567 |
Jim |
Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second. |
| 50791 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7568 |
Pam |
Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something. |
| 50792 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7569 |
Lonnie |
Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery. |
| 50793 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7569 |
Darryl |
I don't do that anymore. |
| 50794 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7569 |
Lonnie |
That's what they told me. |
| 50795 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7570 |
Darryl |
All right, let's get this over with. |
| 50796 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7570 |
Dwight |
You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! Here we go! Yeah! |
| 50797 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7571 |
Dwight |
Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun! |
| 50798 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7571 |
Darryl |
How far is this place? |
| 50799 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7571 |
Dwight |
Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports. |
| 50800 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7571 |
Darryl |
Fun. |
| 50801 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there. |
| 50802 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Nellie |
Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought-- |
| 50803 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
So proud of you, Hon. |
| 50804 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Nellie |
Oh, I don't know. Okay. |
| 50805 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin? |
| 50806 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Nellie |
Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I-- I just sort of felt I owed him one. |
| 50807 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat. |
| 50808 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Nellie |
I didn't really think about it like that. |
| 50809 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have. |
| 50810 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Nellie |
"What we have"? |
| 50811 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7572 |
Toby |
Mm-hmm. |
| 50812 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7573 |
Nellie |
I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no. |
| 50813 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day. |
| 50814 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Darryl |
They have fast food in Philly. |
| 50815 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
Not like this. |
| 50816 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Darryl |
Exactly like this. |
| 50817 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Fast Food Worker |
And your milkshake. |
| 50818 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 50819 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Darryl |
It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake? |
| 50820 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
Nope. Fire in the hole! Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about! |
| 50821 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go. |
| 50822 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Darryl |
You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage. |
| 50823 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7574 |
Dwight |
It's a youtube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming. |
| 50824 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Anyone want to see the video from Cece's recital? |
| 50825 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Angela |
Oh, I would love to, but I am swamped... with that . |
| 50826 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Oscar |
I'll watch it. Let's get this over with. |
| 50827 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
All right, you don't have to. |
| 50828 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Kevin |
Let's get this over with, Pam. |
| 50829 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 50830 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Oscar |
Oh. |
| 50831 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Wait. What? |
| 50832 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Excuse me, I have to get back to work. |
| 50833 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Oh, no. I took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when I went to turn it back on, I must have turned it off. |
| 50834 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Oscar |
User error. I've heard of that happening to other people. |
| 50835 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Angela |
Oscar, don't rub it in. I'm sure Pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child. |
| 50836 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7575 |
Pam |
Well, it was an important phone call. |
| 50837 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7576 |
Pam |
I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job-- "Beesly!" |
| 50838 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7577 |
Pete |
Hey. |
| 50839 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7577 |
Erin |
Hello, Peter. |
| 50840 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7578 |
Dwight |
It barely even feels like a prank anymore. |
| 50841 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7578 |
Darryl |
You missed a spot. |
| 50842 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7578 |
Drive Thru Customer |
Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! |
| 50843 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7578 |
Dwight |
Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up! |
| 50844 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Nellie |
I am sorry that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. But I am going to have to reassemble the youth task force. |
| 50845 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Erin |
Oh, no, I really don't think that's a good idea. |
| 50846 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Nellie |
Well, that is not your call. I made the decision. You have no choice in the matter, and everybody knows it. |
| 50847 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Pete |
Well, okay, then. |
| 50848 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Erin |
I guess we don't have a choice. |
| 50849 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Nellie |
Nope. |
| 50850 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Pete |
yeah. |
| 50851 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 50852 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7579 |
Toby |
Lady...you never stop surprising me. |
| 50853 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7580 |
Dwight |
What? What was that? Did I just hear you laughing with glee? |
| 50854 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7580 |
Darryl |
No. I was clearing my throat. |
| 50855 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Meredith |
Good night. |
| 50856 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Night |
| 50857 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Creed |
Night |
| 50858 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Night, Creed. |
| 50859 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 50860 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 50861 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
So, how's it going? |
| 50862 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it. |
| 50863 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
I'm so sorry. |
| 50864 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks. |
| 50865 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like you've already been working insanely hard. |
| 50866 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up. |
| 50867 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Um, actually, funny story -- I didn't get it. I shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all. |
| 50868 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital? |
| 50869 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
No, I got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part. |
| 50870 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. |
| 50871 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were taping it. |
| 50872 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video. |
| 50873 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Is there-- um... you want to ease up a little bit? |
| 50874 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it. |
| 50875 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
I don't know, Jim -- maybe you should have been there. |
| 50876 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this. |
| 50877 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
You know what? I-- I-- I don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever -- |
| 50878 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Pam, I'm not explaining this to you-- Pam, I'm not going over this again. |
| 50879 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Co-worker |
Jim. We need you. |
| 50880 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something... |
| 50881 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
I am-- I am-- I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. |
| 50882 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay? |
| 50883 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Yep. |
| 50884 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
We'll talk tomorrow? |
| 50885 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Yep. I'll talk to you tomorrow. |
| 50886 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Jim |
Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. |
| 50887 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 50888 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Brian |
Hey, you okay? |
| 50889 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
What am I doing wrong, Brian? |
| 50890 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Brian |
Nothing. You're doing the best you can. |
| 50891 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Cameraman |
Brian. |
| 50892 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Brian |
Give her a minute. Give her a minute. |
| 50893 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Brian |
Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right? |
| 50894 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard. |
| 50895 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Brian |
Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough. |
| 50896 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7581 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 50897 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7582 |
Guy |
Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! |
| 50898 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7582 |
Guy |
I nailed that guy, dude. Oh yeah. |
| 50899 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7582 |
Darryl |
And replay. |
| 50900 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7582 |
Guy |
Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! I nailed that guy, dude. Oh, yeah. |
| 50901 |
9 |
12 |
Customer Loyalty |
7582 |
Darryl |
I'm gonna miss the paper business. |
| 50902 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
Hey Brian, you got a sec? |
| 50903 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Yeah, hold on a sec. |
| 50904 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
I feel awful. |
| 50905 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
It's fine. It was my first slip up in nine years of miking you. |
| 50906 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Erin |
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. |
| 50907 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
Well, thanks for being a good friend. |
| 50908 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Sure, anytime. Uh, how about you and Jim? Everything squared away? |
| 50909 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
Yeah, mostly. |
| 50910 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Erin |
Pam, phone call. |
| 50911 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
Um, hey, say Hi to Alyssa. |
| 50912 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Will do. |
| 50913 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Pam |
Okay. Thank you. |
| 50914 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Sure. |
| 50915 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Meredith |
Hey, boom guy. |
| 50916 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Oh, hey Meredith. |
| 50917 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Meredith |
When are you gonna boom me? |
| 50918 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Brian |
Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna... I, I'll see you later. |
| 50919 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7583 |
Meredith |
Got it. |
| 50920 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7584 |
Clark |
Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people to interview for the sales job? |
| 50921 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7584 |
Dwight |
That's right, a couple of old friends. Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride. |
| 50922 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7584 |
Clark |
Well, uh... see, you raised it. |
| 50923 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7584 |
Dwight |
Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did. |
| 50924 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7585 |
Dwight |
Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. It's like, "Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." Wow. |
| 50925 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7586 |
Clark |
You know what, man? I deserve this job. |
| 50926 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7586 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. |
| 50927 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7586 |
Clark |
I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond... and under. |
| 50928 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7586 |
Dwight |
You know what? You're gonna get your interview, okay? I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, but you got a really good chance. |
| 50929 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7587 |
Dwight |
Clark has no chance. I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor ⓠhe'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants. |
| 50930 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7588 |
Clark |
This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome. |
| 50931 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7589 |
Dwight |
Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam. |
| 50932 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7589 |
Jim |
You could've just called that an alliance too, right? |
| 50933 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7589 |
Dwight |
I chose my words very carefully. |
| 50934 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7590 |
Jim |
Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. And if my working in Philly is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, that's only gonna make things worse. |
| 50935 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Clark |
You interviewing for the sales job too? |
| 50936 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Rolf |
No. You're interviewing for it. I'm getting it. |
| 50937 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Clark |
Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen. |
| 50938 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Rolf |
I'm Rolf. Rolf Ahl. |
| 50939 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Clark |
Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl. |
| 50940 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Rolf |
Go to hell. |
| 50941 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Clark |
There he is. |
| 50942 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Dwight |
Hey. Come on, buddy. Let's do this. Sorry, Rolf goes first. You don't compare. When you're with the R-O-L-F, you're literally Rolling on the Laughing Floor. |
| 50943 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7591 |
Rolf |
Nice. |
| 50944 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7592 |
Dwight |
Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man. Cool, calm, and collected 24/7. Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. Such a sweet guy. |
| 50945 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7593 |
Pam |
When are you talking to David Wallace? |
| 50946 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7593 |
Jim |
I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up. |
| 50947 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7593 |
Pam |
Too late. My hopes are up. |
| 50948 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7594 |
Jim |
Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, so we're scrambling to find new funding. Luckily, my partners have a fix ⓠme asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning to give us a gigantic influx of cash. So... problem solved. Thanks, guys. |
| 50949 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Dwight |
And this chair's gonna be yours. And this desk. Ha! |
| 50950 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Jim |
I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. |
| 50951 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Dwight |
No doy! |
| 50952 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Jim |
I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks. |
| 50953 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Rolf |
I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do earbuds. |
| 50954 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Dwight |
No earbuds! |
| 50955 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Jim |
I'm sure he's just nervous. |
| 50956 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7595 |
Pam |
It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. Doesn't matter. |
| 50957 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Dwight |
So I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything. |
| 50958 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Rolf |
Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? |
| 50959 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Dwight |
Well, I'm the one offering the job. |
| 50960 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Rolf |
What are your credentials? |
| 50961 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Dwight |
I've worked here for 12 years. I won salesman of the year. I'm an Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
| 50962 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Rolf |
I think I've heard everything I need to hear. |
| 50963 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Dwight |
Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference. |
| 50964 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7596 |
Rolf |
Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch. |
| 50965 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7597 |
Dwight |
Well, they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next and he's a real professional. You say, "Jump," and he says, "Oh who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor. |
| 50966 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Dwight |
What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman? |
| 50967 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Trevor |
Ooh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it. |
| 50968 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Dwight |
Well, it's a pretty basic question for a potential paper salesman. |
| 50969 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Trevor |
Pass. Next one. |
| 50970 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Dwight |
All right. Do you see yourself as more of a team player or a self-starter? |
| 50971 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Trevor |
No, no and no. |
| 50972 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Dwight |
There were only two options. |
| 50973 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Trevor |
Checkmate. You win this one, my friend. Do you validate parking? |
| 50974 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Dwight |
This is a bus transfer. |
| 50975 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7598 |
Trevor |
Nothing gets by this guy. |
| 50976 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Hey Jim, do you mind if I look over these price sheets before my interview? |
| 50977 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
Sure, yeah, go ahead. |
| 50978 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Thanks, dude. Youâyou sure it's okay? â˜Cause you're kindaâ |
| 50979 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
Yeah, absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? You're clean, right? |
| 50980 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Oh, Dove Men. |
| 50981 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
Nice. Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, not a Florence and the Machine concert, soâ |
| 50982 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this? |
| 50983 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do. |
| 50984 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Thanks, dude. |
| 50985 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
Right after you do one thing for me. I need you to breathe in my face. |
| 50986 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Why? |
| 50987 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
I need you to breathe in my face right now. |
| 50988 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen? |
| 50989 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Wintergreen. |
| 50990 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
I knew it, I knew it. |
| 50991 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Clark |
Yeah, good nose. |
| 50992 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7599 |
Jim |
I looked at you coming around, and I said, "Wintergreen." |
| 50993 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7600 |
Dwight |
I can't hire Clark. Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert and he acts like a Beesly. |
| 50994 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
Okay, here's one. A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify for a volume discount now wants to return half the stock. You can't rebate the sales price or credit for future purchases because you brokered the deal for a third party. |
| 50995 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
That's just a classic no-win situation. |
| 50996 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 50997 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
So I'd Kobayashi Maru it. |
| 50998 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
Damn it! Perfect answer, again. |
| 50999 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
Yep. |
| 51000 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
Think Dwight, think. You have a ream of 16-bond ... |
| 51001 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
You know what, Dwight? |
| 51002 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
And anothâ |
| 51003 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
This interview's over, and I get the job. I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process. |
| 51004 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 51005 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
Yeah. Star Trek rules. |
| 51006 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
It does, but still no. |
| 51007 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Clark |
Come on, man. I mean, did Trevor do that? Did Rolf do that? |
| 51008 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7601 |
Dwight |
Oh, you think they're my only friends? I've got way more friends than that, and they're all better than the losers who work here. |
| 51009 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7602 |
Stanley |
This is not natural. |
| 51010 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Oscar |
Just ⓠI don't wanna make assumptions based on people's physical appearances. |
| 51011 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Pam |
Well, of course not, but does physical appearance include smell? |
| 51012 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Darryl |
They smell so bad. |
| 51013 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Meredith |
If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? |
| 51014 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Kevin |
Meredith, I tell you all the time. |
| 51015 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7603 |
Meredith |
Walked right into that one. |
| 51016 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7604 |
Dwight |
Next up, my cousin Mose. Mose could make a great paper salesman. He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him to get as much of it out of this office as possible. I've got big expectations, Mose-wise. |
| 51017 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Dwight |
What quality would make you a good sales associate? |
| 51018 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Mose |
People person. |
| 51019 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Dwight |
It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years as a sales rep for Dow Chemical. |
| 51020 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Mose |
That's right. |
| 51021 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Dwight |
You know we live together, right? |
| 51022 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Mose |
Yes. |
| 51023 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Dwight |
And I've never seen you go to work, ever. |
| 51024 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Mose |
Okay. |
| 51025 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7605 |
Dwight |
So why is this on your resume? |
| 51026 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Clark |
So how'd you guys hear about the position? |
| 51027 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Gabor |
Myâmy mom. |
| 51028 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Nate |
Dwight called my house, but he didn't realize that I had already moved out, because my mom and I are quarrelling because I- I can't stay out of her stuff. |
| 51029 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Zeke |
Dwight's my cousin, so I overheard him telling my brother Mose about the job opportunity in the shower. |
| 51030 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Clark |
You were in the shower or he was in the shower? |
| 51031 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Zeke |
Everyone was in the shower. It's a cow shower, so there's like, a ton of people in there. |
| 51032 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Clark |
So you guys all know Dwight already? |
| 51033 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Melvina |
I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby. |
| 51034 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Gabor |
I knew you looked familiar. You used to pick up Dwight from school. |
| 51035 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Melvina |
You went to X-Men school too? |
| 51036 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7606 |
Clark |
X-Men school? |
| 51037 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7607 |
Dwight |
When I was young, I spent several years at a private school where I was told I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. Turned out it was a conman copying Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters from the X-Men comic books. Took me years to figure out that it was a con. Some people never figured it out. |
| 51038 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7608 |
Gabor |
Oh, I have a few powers. Night hearing. Dogs understand where I point. And our training included picking carrots, scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's. A lot of telemarketing. |
| 51039 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Angela |
I don't want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. Someone say something. |
| 51040 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Stanley |
I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. And now look what he's doing to us. |
| 51041 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Nellie |
Yeah, Jim, this is all your fault. |
| 51042 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Jim |
How is it my fault? |
| 51043 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Nellie |
Here's an exercise for you, Jim. Imagine there are consequences to your actions. Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. There are others. |
| 51044 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Jim |
But it's Dwight who's bring in all the weirdos. |
| 51045 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Oscar |
Yeah, but Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdos. We can blame a normal for creating a situation where a weirdo was allowed to bring in weirdos. |
| 51046 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7609 |
Pam |
Hey, I'm the one who has to sit next to this weirdo when Jim's away. I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, and that just feels wrong. Forget it. I need to work on my mural. I have some pointy trees that I need to round off. |
| 51047 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Hey Jim, I thought our call was for later. |
| 51048 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. Uh, Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdos. And I was wondering if I could have some inputâ |
| 51049 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
This is Dwight Schrute. Who am I speaking to? And don't lie. I can tell if you're lying. |
| 51050 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Hey, Dwight. It's David. |
| 51051 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
David. |
| 51052 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process. |
| 51053 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
Really? That's interesting. â˜Cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part time, he might not be as invested in the decision-making process as someone like me who's here every day. And frankly, killing it lately. |
| 51054 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
I was just thinking that because this person is gonna be sitting at my desk, near my wifeâ |
| 51055 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Jim, another thing. Since we are gonna have to hire this junior sales associate to cover for you, I am going to have to pay you only for the days that you actually work. |
| 51056 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Oh. Um... |
| 51057 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Yeah. |
| 51058 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Okay. I can't say that that's not fair. |
| 51059 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
Sounds fair to me, David. |
| 51060 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
And I know we have a call scheduled for later ⓠ|
| 51061 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Oh, yeah, so we'll just do that later. |
| 51062 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
No. Why not do it now? |
| 51063 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Yeah. What's up Jim? |
| 51064 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Uh... Well, it's about Athlead. I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call? |
| 51065 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
I'd love to be in the loop, David. |
| 51066 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
It's okay. Go ahead, Jim. |
| 51067 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor ⓠ|
| 51068 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
David Wallace |
Okay. Jim, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. |
| 51069 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
Yes, okay. Bye. |
| 51070 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
I'd love to invest. |
| 51071 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Jim |
No, thanks. |
| 51072 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7610 |
Dwight |
I'd like to give you $100 million. |
| 51073 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7611 |
Hide |
Why you make trees into bushes? You don't make paper from bushes. |
| 51074 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7611 |
Pam |
Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. Why don't you go up and get one? |
| 51075 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7611 |
Hide |
Thank you. |
| 51076 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7611 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 51077 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7612 |
Troy |
Whoops. |
| 51078 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7613 |
Zeke |
It's dense. Like bread. |
| 51079 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7614 |
Jim |
Dwight, you can't just hire someone â˜cause they're your friend. |
| 51080 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7614 |
Dwight |
I'm not. These people are the best of the best. I find talent an attractive quality in a friend. |
| 51081 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7614 |
Nellie |
They're freaks, Dwight. All your friends are weirdos and freaks. |
| 51082 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7614 |
Dwight |
You know who else was a freak? Spider-man. And he was also a hero. |
| 51083 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7614 |
Darryl |
Your friends are like Spider-man, if he had gotten bitten by a spider and then got really into m*st*rb*t*ng. |
| 51084 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7615 |
Wolf |
Man, how cool is it gonna be when I start working here? Paintball fights at lunch. |
| 51085 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7615 |
Dwight |
Mandatory paintball. Uh, wolf, please report to the parking lot for mandatory paintball at lunch. |
| 51086 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7616 |
Dwight |
Wolf is hilarious. He has executed me over 100 times at point-blank range. Half of â˜em, we were on the same team. Oh my God. How I screamed. Ah, that goof. |
| 51087 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
Sell me this piece of paper. Watch this. |
| 51088 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Wolf |
Do you want this paper? |
| 51089 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
I sure do. |
| 51090 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Wolf |
It's not very good. |
| 51091 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
I will pay you whatever it takes. |
| 51092 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Wolf |
I think I wanna keep it now. It must be pretty special if you want it so bad. |
| 51093 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
No, you have lots of other pieces of paper that are just like it. So here, just take my money. |
| 51094 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Wolf |
Stop trying to get my paper buddy. Okay read my lips. It's over. |
| 51095 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
Okay. Good. That was great. So. Wow. You're still at the 570 number? |
| 51096 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Wolf |
I am. |
| 51097 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7617 |
Dwight |
Okay. Good, good, good. |
| 51098 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7618 |
Hide |
I have eight years experience selling electronics in Sanyo store in downtown Tokyo. I was a doctor. And I have a business degree from Tokyo University. |
| 51099 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7618 |
Dwight |
This isn't gonna work out. |
| 51100 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7618 |
Hide |
Thank you. |
| 51101 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7619 |
Dwight |
Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps; hearing, vision, basic cognition. Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today. And this is a guy who loves to start fires. Troy is literally one of a kind. He's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. And yet I'm hesitant. Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them? |
| 51102 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7620 |
Dwight |
No, no, no. I just need to tell them. I just need to tell them. |
| 51103 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7620 |
Melvina |
Do you need to be changed? |
| 51104 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7620 |
Dwight |
I do that myself now. |
| 51105 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7620 |
Melvina |
Mm. Are you going to make a decision soon? I've been double-parked for five hours. I'm wondering if I should move my car. |
| 51106 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Dwight |
No, you've been towed by now. They tow after about 45 minutes. |
| 51107 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Melvina |
Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. All they did was save me some gas. |
| 51108 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Trevor |
Hey man, we get how difficult this is. And no matter how you choose, we're still gonna be your friend. |
| 51109 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Wolf |
Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvinaâ |
| 51110 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Dwight |
Or none of you |
| 51111 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Wolf |
Yeah, you'd bring us all down here, put us through the wringer and then choose none of us. |
| 51112 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Trevor |
Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you. |
| 51113 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Dwight |
I wish I could hire all of you. |
| 51114 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7621 |
Zeke |
I could start Monday. |
| 51115 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7622 |
Dwight |
Psst. Jim Jim? Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. |
| 51116 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7622 |
Jim |
Ahh, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say. |
| 51117 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7622 |
Dwight |
Just act natural. |
| 51118 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Dwight |
And I was thinking it's only fair that you help make this decision since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife. |
| 51119 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Jim |
But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars. |
| 51120 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Dwight |
Aah! God, that sucks! Aah! What are you gonna do? I mean, it's your call. |
| 51121 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Jim |
Nope. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? Not even Gabor? |
| 51122 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Dwight |
I guess I just have higher standards for my work colleagues than for my friends. I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray. |
| 51123 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7623 |
Jim |
I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin. |
| 51124 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7624 |
Dwight |
Summer. Winter. Jungle. Formal. |
| 51125 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
Well, I for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. You? |
| 51126 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Yes. Thank you. Amazed. |
| 51127 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
And I gotta say, this was a tough decision. And we had to go with none of you. |
| 51128 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Sensei Ira |
I'm sorry? |
| 51129 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
What? This is such bullcrap! |
| 51130 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge, so you have no say. |
| 51131 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of B.C. How could you do this to them? |
| 51132 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
Too much now. |
| 51133 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 51134 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Nate |
Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep. |
| 51135 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Okay, this is an outrage. Ugh! You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever. |
| 51136 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
That seems inconsiderate. |
| 51137 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Rolf |
No. We get it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe. |
| 51138 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Guys, it wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on. Guys, it wasn't my choice! I would have hired all of you! Gabor, Gabor. |
| 51139 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Trevor |
Well, my day's shot. |
| 51140 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Rolf |
Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's. |
| 51141 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Wolf |
I got it. Paintball. |
| 51142 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work? |
| 51143 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Trevor |
And what are we supposed to do until then? |
| 51144 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Dwight |
Okay. |
| 51145 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Wolf |
Let's just go, you guys. |
| 51146 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Rolf |
Yeah. No limit on weapons class, right? |
| 51147 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7625 |
Jim |
All right. I think that went well. |
| 51148 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
So, uh, if you just take a look at this, and then that'll print outâHey. Meet your new desk mate. |
| 51149 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Clark |
What's up good lookin'? |
| 51150 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Pam |
Oh, cool. Hey Clark. |
| 51151 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
Trust me, this is the least of all evils. It took me all day to pull this off, so you should be thrilled, considering. |
| 51152 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Pam |
Yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda liked my old desk mate. |
| 51153 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
Okay. I'm really sorry I told the guys I'd be there for the board meeting. |
| 51154 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Pam |
Of course. |
| 51155 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
I'll call you when I get there. |
| 51156 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 51157 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 51158 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 51159 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7626 |
Jim |
Take care of my wife. I will be back. |
| 51160 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7627 |
Dwight |
They say that everyone outgrows their friends at some point in their lives. Well I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours. |
| 51161 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Clark |
Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen. You want anything? |
| 51162 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Pam |
I'm good. |
| 51163 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee. |
| 51164 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Clark |
Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta be this cool for coffee. |
| 51165 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Pam |
Hey, Dwight. Wanna haze the new guy? |
| 51166 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Who, me? |
| 51167 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Pam |
Us. |
| 51168 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Absolutely, I do. |
| 51169 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Pam |
Okay. Okay, here. Okay, so the next time he goes to the bathroom, I'll distract him, you take that. |
| 51170 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Okay, yeah, I know what to do. Okay. Oh, that's great. |
| 51171 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Aah! |
| 51172 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Clark |
No! |
| 51173 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Welcome to the club, pig! |
| 51174 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Pam |
No, Dwight! |
| 51175 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7628 |
Dwight |
Aah! |
| 51176 |
9 |
13 |
Junior Salesman |
7629 |
Jim |
No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters. Definitely does. |
| 51177 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7630 |
Nellie |
Have you seen Darryl? |
| 51178 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7630 |
Erin |
He's around here somewhere. |
| 51179 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7630 |
Nellie |
Mmm. |
| 51180 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7631 |
Erin |
Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies. |
| 51181 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7632 |
Erin |
Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun. |
| 51182 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7633 |
Erin |
Darryl. Meet... bear... ull. |
| 51183 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7633 |
Darryl |
How much did you pay for that? |
| 51184 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7633 |
Erin |
Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe. |
| 51185 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7634 |
Darryl |
Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it. |
| 51186 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7635 |
Erin |
Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! That guy's hilarious. He's here today. |
| 51187 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7636 |
Pam |
I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... Oh my god! Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? Huh? No way. No way! |
| 51188 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Angela |
Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house. |
| 51189 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Erin |
Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids. |
| 51190 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Angela |
No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors. |
| 51191 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Kevin |
Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation... |
| 51192 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Angela |
No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about. |
| 51193 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Oscar |
Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too. |
| 51194 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Angela |
What? |
| 51195 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Oscar |
He said he wanted me there for support. |
| 51196 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7637 |
Angela |
I'm his! His... wife. |
| 51197 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7638 |
Oscar |
Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. Me. |
| 51198 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7639 |
Angela |
We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too. |
| 51199 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7640 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 51200 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7640 |
Darryl |
Hey. |
| 51201 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Jim |
We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly. |
| 51202 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Darryl |
Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates. |
| 51203 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Jim |
And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down. |
| 51204 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Darryl |
Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom. |
| 51205 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Jim |
I'm couching it! |
| 51206 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Darryl |
Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room. |
| 51207 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Jim |
And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this? |
| 51208 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7641 |
Darryl |
I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to soak... He hooked me up with a job. |
| 51209 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7642 |
Pam |
Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice. |
| 51210 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7643 |
Pam |
I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian. |
| 51211 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7644 |
Jim |
Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients. |
| 51212 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7644 |
Darryl |
Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to hit first. |
| 51213 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7644 |
Jim |
Who is this guy? We are killing it. |
| 51214 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7644 |
Darryl |
Yes sir. |
| 51215 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7644 |
Jim |
Yeah! |
| 51216 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Conference room. Everybody. Now! |
| 51217 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Dwight |
You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting. |
| 51218 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting. |
| 51219 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Dwight |
You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting? |
| 51220 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 51221 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Dwight |
Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now! |
| 51222 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it. |
| 51223 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Erin |
I thought that's what you were doing. |
| 51224 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Yeah, but this is different. |
| 51225 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Erin |
Oh. They used worse paint than your paint? |
| 51226 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So... |
| 51227 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Erin |
I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing. |
| 51228 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped. |
| 51229 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Meredith |
Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83. |
| 51230 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Creed |
Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage. |
| 51231 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Oscar |
Pam, what can be done? |
| 51232 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question. |
| 51233 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Oscar |
I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear. |
| 51234 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing. |
| 51235 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Phyllis |
David Wallace called this meeting? |
| 51236 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art. |
| 51237 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go. |
| 51238 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Dwight |
Pam, I'll help you. |
| 51239 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
You will? |
| 51240 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Dwight |
If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime. |
| 51241 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 51242 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Nellie |
I am in too, Pam. |
| 51243 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Yeah? |
| 51244 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Nellie |
Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored. |
| 51245 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7645 |
Pam |
Great. |
| 51246 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7646 |
Pam |
I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car. |
| 51247 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7646 |
Dwight |
You need my pitchfork? |
| 51248 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Angela |
Hey! |
| 51249 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Dwight |
What is it? I have vengeance to exact. |
| 51250 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Angela |
Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you. |
| 51251 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Dwight |
Ah, I'm not interested. |
| 51252 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Angela |
What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people. |
| 51253 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Dwight |
If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics. |
| 51254 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Kevin |
Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you? |
| 51255 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Angela |
No. |
| 51256 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Kevin |
OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money. |
| 51257 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7647 |
Angela |
Aw, crap. |
| 51258 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own. |
| 51259 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Frank |
You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there. |
| 51260 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts. |
| 51261 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Glenn |
I'm not drawing a butt. |
| 51262 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Nellie |
All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws. |
| 51263 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps. |
| 51264 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Val |
OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go. |
| 51265 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts... |
| 51266 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Nellie |
Well, this is getting us nowhere. |
| 51267 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Pam |
We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him. |
| 51268 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. Nate. Your mother is dying. |
| 51269 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Pam |
See, I feel bad about that. |
| 51270 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7648 |
Dwight |
It's all right. It's all right. |
| 51271 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Nate |
So, she's gonna pull through again? That's great. Can I talk to her? |
| 51272 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Dwight |
No. She needs her rest again. |
| 51273 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Nellie |
Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business. |
| 51274 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Dwight |
You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum. |
| 51275 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Nate |
Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt... |
| 51276 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Pam |
Tell us who defaced the mural! |
| 51277 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Nate |
He did it. |
| 51278 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Pam |
All right. You can go. Give him his gum. |
| 51279 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Dwight |
There's no gum. There never was any gum. |
| 51280 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7649 |
Nate |
That's really rude. |
| 51281 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7650 |
Kevin |
Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck. |
| 51282 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7650 |
Oscar |
That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? |
| 51283 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7650 |
Party Announcer |
Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton. |
| 51284 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7650 |
Senator |
Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular. |
| 51285 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7650 |
Angela |
Oh, Robert, you're horrible. Simon, Maxine. Who let you guys in here? |
| 51286 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Athlead Employee |
This is the team. |
| 51287 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
Nice job, man. |
| 51288 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
You too... Darryl. |
| 51289 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
What? Oh, man! I'm sorry about that. |
| 51290 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes. |
| 51291 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
Oh, um... Are you really mad about this? |
| 51292 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
That's my go-to thermos. That's all. |
| 51293 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that. |
| 51294 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
No big deal. No big deal. |
| 51295 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. |
| 51296 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
Nah, nah... |
| 51297 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
No big deal. |
| 51298 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that. |
| 51299 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
Honestly, I don't mind. Did you want me to wash it for you or... |
| 51300 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak? |
| 51301 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Jim |
OK. Here ya go. |
| 51302 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7651 |
Darryl |
Thank you. |
| 51303 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Nellie |
So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you? |
| 51304 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Pam |
Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn. |
| 51305 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Toby |
You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank? |
| 51306 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Frank |
I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny. |
| 51307 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Pam |
Well, I didn't think that butt was funny. |
| 51308 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Frank |
Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours. |
| 51309 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Pam |
What was that? |
| 51310 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Frank |
You know what? You people can't fire me. So, screw you. |
| 51311 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Pam |
Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that? |
| 51312 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Toby |
Uh... it... compliment... |
| 51313 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Nellie |
The first 'sorry' sounded sincere. |
| 51314 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7652 |
Toby |
There were two or three 'sorry's in there. |
| 51315 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7653 |
Pam |
That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy. |
| 51316 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7653 |
Dwight |
Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first. |
| 51317 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7653 |
Pam |
We should just take him down. |
| 51318 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7653 |
Dwight |
Wait. Are you saying... |
| 51319 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7653 |
Pam |
I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face. |
| 51320 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7654 |
Dwight |
Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt. |
| 51321 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Dwight |
He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him. |
| 51322 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 51323 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Dwight |
A little eye for an eye action. |
| 51324 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Pam |
Yes! |
| 51325 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Dwight |
Go all Hammurabi on this clown. |
| 51326 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Pam |
We need an infiltrator. |
| 51327 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Dwight |
I know just the man for the job. |
| 51328 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Pam |
Clark? |
| 51329 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7655 |
Dwight |
He even looks like a mole. |
| 51330 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7656 |
Oscar |
One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population. |
| 51331 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7656 |
Party Guest |
You two seem very close. |
| 51332 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7656 |
Senator |
Yes. We're good friends. Good friends. |
| 51333 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7656 |
Oscar |
Yeah. |
| 51334 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7656 |
Senator |
You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar. |
| 51335 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7657 |
Oscar |
Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian. |
| 51336 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
Oh, hey. |
| 51337 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 51338 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool? |
| 51339 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
Yeah. Totally. |
| 51340 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
All right. |
| 51341 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
It's mine. Don't worry. |
| 51342 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
I didn't say anything. |
| 51343 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
I don't think you had to. |
| 51344 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
Excuse me? |
| 51345 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that? |
| 51346 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
What you need flour for, Jim? |
| 51347 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
That's not the point. |
| 51348 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
What? You making bread? |
| 51349 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
No, I'm not making bread. |
| 51350 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel? |
| 51351 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make. |
| 51352 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all. |
| 51353 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
It's all good. Are we all good? |
| 51354 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
We good. |
| 51355 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
What's that cooler? |
| 51356 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Darryl |
Nothing. It's mine. What happened to my Tavis Smileys? |
| 51357 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7658 |
Jim |
Oh, crap. Were those yours? |
| 51358 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Dwight |
I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me? |
| 51359 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Clark |
Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys. |
| 51360 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Dwight |
Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work. |
| 51361 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Clark |
OK, boss. Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this. |
| 51362 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Pam |
Shh, shh. |
| 51363 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Clark |
This is never gonna work. |
| 51364 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Pam |
Shh. Remember your lines. |
| 51365 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Clark |
What lines? |
| 51366 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7659 |
Dwight |
Go move some paper! |
| 51367 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse? |
| 51368 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Darryl |
He's not my hire, but I know who he is. |
| 51369 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or... |
| 51370 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Darryl |
What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something? |
| 51371 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
Yeah, something like that. |
| 51372 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Darryl |
I know he loves his pick up truck. |
| 51373 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
Oh, great! His truck! |
| 51374 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Dwight |
Great. Get the plate number. |
| 51375 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
OK. Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that? |
| 51376 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Dwight |
So we know which truck to van... |
| 51377 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Darryl |
Hey. While I got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that? |
| 51378 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7660 |
Pam |
Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could. I gotta go. Bye. Come on. |
| 51379 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Photographer |
Hold on a second. Uh, Sandeep? Let's get you closer to the senator. Just about there. Great. And, Oscar? I'm gonna need you to step a little closer to the senator, as well. Somewhere there. |
| 51380 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Angela |
He's blocking me. |
| 51381 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Senator |
It's only a photo, honey. |
| 51382 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Photographer |
Excuse me, uh, what's your name? |
| 51383 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Waiter |
Sean. |
| 51384 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Photographer |
LaShawn. Great. You wanna be in a photo? Right this way. Not you. No. |
| 51385 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Oscar |
He put me here. |
| 51386 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Angela |
He put you right in front of me? |
| 51387 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Photographer |
Let's just wheel Margaret right in front... |
| 51388 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Oscar |
Ow! Robert?! |
| 51389 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Senator |
Angela. |
| 51390 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7661 |
Party Photographer |
Smile. |
| 51391 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
I'm done. What are you... Is that supposed to be my mural? |
| 51392 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Frank draws a butt on your mural, I'm drawing your mural on Frank's truck's butt. Eye for an eye, mamacita. |
| 51393 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
Aw, Dwight. That's really sweet. |
| 51394 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
Let's see yours. |
| 51395 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
Oh, no. Um, I, I'm embarrassed. It's stupid. |
| 51396 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
This is amazing! Frank! And he's leaving a trail of poops? |
| 51397 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
Yeah. And he has saggy boobs. |
| 51398 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
I saw that. That's great! |
| 51399 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
Yeah. I feel better. |
| 51400 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
Good. I'm glad you feel better. This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch. |
| 51401 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Pam |
I know. You miss Angela, don't you? |
| 51402 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7662 |
Dwight |
Ugh! Don't sympathize. You're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his pen1s. |
| 51403 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Pam |
I got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible. With my art. The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose. But, I think the lesson will last a very... |
| 51404 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Frank |
Lady! My truck? You had no right! |
| 51405 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Pam |
o, you had no right! |
| 51406 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Frank |
It's a $40,000 truck! |
| 51407 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Pam |
So? You started it! |
| 51408 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Frank |
So? So someone need to shut you up! |
| 51409 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Brian |
Hey, hey, hey! |
| 51410 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Pam |
Whoa. |
| 51411 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Brian |
Easy! |
| 51412 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Frank |
You son of a bitch! |
| 51413 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7663 |
Brian |
You're gonna hit a woman? |
| 51414 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Senator |
Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so much. Well. Have we all calmed down yet? |
| 51415 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Oscar |
Yes. Sorry about that. |
| 51416 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Angela |
It was all my fault. |
| 51417 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Senator |
Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you. |
| 51418 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Kevin |
Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck. |
| 51419 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Senator |
I beg your pardon. |
| 51420 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7664 |
Kevin |
You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good. |
| 51421 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Pam |
Well, I'm gonna say something to the producers. |
| 51422 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Brian |
No. No, it's... |
| 51423 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Pam |
You shouldn't be fired. I mean, you were just protecting me. |
| 51424 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Brian |
It's all good. I knew what I was doing. It's... I'm sorry about your mural, though. I mean, because you put so much into that. |
| 51425 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Pam |
Forget about my mural. It's stupid. |
| 51426 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Brian |
No. You, you worked hard on that. That guy's an animal. I'm glad they're firing him too. |
| 51427 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Pam |
It's crazy. Brian, I'm so sorry. |
| 51428 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Brian |
Look. I don't, I don't wanna put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you. |
| 51429 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Pam |
Thanks, Brian. |
| 51430 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7665 |
Brian |
Seeya. |
| 51431 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7666 |
Jim |
Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'. |
| 51432 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7667 |
Darryl |
Oh. Come on! |
| 51433 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7667 |
Jim |
Oh. Oh! |
| 51434 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7667 |
Darryl |
Damn! |
| 51435 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7667 |
Jim |
You win. How good did that feel? |
| 51436 |
9 |
14 |
Vandalism |
7667 |
Darryl |
That felt really good, actually. |
| 51437 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7668 |
Pam |
Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day. |
| 51438 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7668 |
Jim |
It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday. |
| 51439 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7668 |
Pam |
Alakazam! |
| 51440 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7668 |
Jim |
By the way, they do need an extra day next week. |
| 51441 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7668 |
Pam |
And, poof! He disappears. |
| 51442 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7669 |
Erin |
Hey! Wanna play hookey today? |
| 51443 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7669 |
Pete |
Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind? |
| 51444 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7669 |
Erin |
We can do anything you want. |
| 51445 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7670 |
Erin |
I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend. |
| 51446 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7671 |
Pete |
Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved. |
| 51447 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7672 |
Erin |
Wanna play catch in the parking lot? |
| 51448 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7672 |
Pete |
Sure. |
| 51449 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7672 |
Erin |
Great. |
| 51450 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7672 |
Pete |
I'll get my coat. |
| 51451 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7672 |
Erin |
Perfect. |
| 51452 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7673 |
Dwight |
Come in. |
| 51453 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7673 |
Dwight |
Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract. |
| 51454 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7673 |
Dwight |
I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo. |
| 51455 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7674 |
Dwight |
I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown. |
| 51456 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7675 |
Kevin |
Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk. |
| 51457 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Kevin |
OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip. |
| 51458 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Nellie |
I say we all have one last fun boss-less day. |
| 51459 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Meredith |
Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences. |
| 51460 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Phyllis |
Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kill your loneliness. |
| 51461 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Stanley |
Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic. |
| 51462 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Phyllis |
Oh... |
| 51463 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Angela |
They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. They use a watch repair kit. |
| 51464 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Kevin |
Ew! I'll be your foot buddy. |
| 51465 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Nellie |
Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount. |
| 51466 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Clark |
It's what I do. |
| 51467 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Oscar |
Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the... |
| 51468 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Darryl |
No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that. |
| 51469 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Oscar |
All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my... |
| 51470 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7676 |
Darryl |
Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it. |
| 51471 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Pam |
These are gross. |
| 51472 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Jim |
They are terrible. |
| 51473 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Pam |
Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill. |
| 51474 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Jim |
Oh my god. That's so romantic. |
| 51475 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Pam |
It's with Brian and Alyssa. |
| 51476 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Jim |
Oh my god. That's less romantic. |
| 51477 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Pam |
I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life. |
| 51478 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate? |
| 51479 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7677 |
Pam |
That sounds nice. |
| 51480 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7678 |
Jim |
I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy. |
| 51481 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nail stylist 1 |
Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper. |
| 51482 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nail stylist 2 |
You take off your glasses. |
| 51483 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Clark |
'Kay. |
| 51484 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nellie |
What? |
| 51485 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nail stylist 2 |
Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl. |
| 51486 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nellie |
My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra. |
| 51487 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Clark |
Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. Excuse me. Full price. We're not together. |
| 51488 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Nellie |
Oh, come on! |
| 51489 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7679 |
Clark |
She's living a lie. |
| 51490 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7680 |
Nellie |
Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship. |
| 51491 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7681 |
Oscar |
Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages. |
| 51492 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7681 |
Nail manager |
No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple. |
| 51493 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7681 |
Oscar |
We are together. Romantically. |
| 51494 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7681 |
Nail manager |
Two men? Doesn't work. No discount. |
| 51495 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7681 |
Darryl |
Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere. |
| 51496 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Jim |
Hey, Brian. |
| 51497 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
Hey. |
| 51498 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Sorry we're late. |
| 51499 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread. |
| 51500 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK. |
| 51501 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Jim |
What? |
| 51502 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly. |
| 51503 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Jim |
Oh. |
| 51504 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming. |
| 51505 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 51506 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Jim |
Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy. |
| 51507 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available. |
| 51508 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him. |
| 51509 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
That's... OK, great. Does he pay well? |
| 51510 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Where's Alyssa? |
| 51511 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today. |
| 51512 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Pam |
Oh. |
| 51513 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7682 |
Brian |
Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up. |
| 51514 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7683 |
Dwight |
I have yet another sales order for you to sign. |
| 51515 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7683 |
Dwight |
Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo. |
| 51516 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7683 |
Andy |
Hi Dwight. |
| 51517 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7683 |
Dwight |
You're back. And you're disgusting. |
| 51518 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Phyllis |
Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours. |
| 51519 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Andy |
Well, well, well, look who it is. |
| 51520 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Phyllis |
Andy. |
| 51521 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Andy |
I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived. |
| 51522 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Erin |
Andy! |
| 51523 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Andy |
Hey! Sweetheart! I have missed you so much. |
| 51524 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Erin |
Yes. Welcome back, buddy. |
| 51525 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Andy |
I have been dreaming of this moment. |
| 51526 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7684 |
Erin |
Me too. So much. I'm so happy. |
| 51527 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7685 |
Erin |
I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something. |
| 51528 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Oscar |
What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow. |
| 51529 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Andy |
Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe. |
| 51530 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Dwight |
Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour. |
| 51531 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Andy |
Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting. |
| 51532 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Clark |
Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months? |
| 51533 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Dwight |
No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months? |
| 51534 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7686 |
Andy |
I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe. |
| 51535 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7687 |
Erin |
He only emailed me four times. |
| 51536 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7688 |
Andy |
Question. Where's Jim? |
| 51537 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7688 |
Phyllis |
He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch. |
| 51538 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7688 |
Andy |
For two hours? Really? |
| 51539 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7688 |
Oscar |
So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work? |
| 51540 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7688 |
Andy |
If the shoe fits. |
| 51541 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Brian |
We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb. |
| 51542 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Jim |
Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight. |
| 51543 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Brian |
Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other. |
| 51544 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 51545 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Jim |
What? |
| 51546 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Brian |
At least my crying won't get you fired. |
| 51547 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7689 |
Jim |
Crying? |
| 51548 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous. |
| 51549 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 51550 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
And you sold it to Jan too. |
| 51551 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 51552 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
I mean... I'm impressed. |
| 51553 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Yeah! |
| 51554 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight. |
| 51555 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
You were on a boat. |
| 51556 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
I was... |
| 51557 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
On a boat. |
| 51558 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
hat... |
| 51559 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
In the ocean. |
| 51560 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? Just say the word 'coolio'. |
| 51561 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
I'm not gonna say it. |
| 51562 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Say it. |
| 51563 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Not a word. |
| 51564 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Coolio. |
| 51565 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
No! What do you think you're doing? |
| 51566 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up. |
| 51567 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Don't you dare! Andy! |
| 51568 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Hello? |
| 51569 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Hey, Jan. Nard dog here. |
| 51570 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Oh, Andy. |
| 51571 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup. |
| 51572 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Really? |
| 51573 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to. |
| 51574 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Hmm. |
| 51575 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Coolio. |
| 51576 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing? |
| 51577 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Coolio. Coolio. |
| 51578 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood. |
| 51579 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Yeah. |
| 51580 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Coolio. |
| 51581 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
It, it's, it's actually just an issue... |
| 51582 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option. |
| 51583 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything. |
| 51584 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but... |
| 51585 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Jan |
Tell Angela to send me a final invoice. |
| 51586 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Well, ah, ah... |
| 51587 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Dwight |
Please Ja, Ja... |
| 51588 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7690 |
Andy |
Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go. |
| 51589 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Andy |
Hey, everybody, great job. Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks. |
| 51590 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Angela |
Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays. |
| 51591 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Andy |
All right. Thank you very much. Looking good. Who's that little fella? |
| 51592 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Angela |
It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter. |
| 51593 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Andy |
Wow, that's wonderful! |
| 51594 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Oscar |
A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone. |
| 51595 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Andy |
Uh-huh. |
| 51596 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Angela |
Uh-huh. |
| 51597 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7691 |
Andy |
Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed. |
| 51598 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7692 |
Dwight |
Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen. |
| 51599 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7692 |
Clark |
Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week. |
| 51600 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7692 |
Kevin |
He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right? |
| 51601 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7692 |
Dwight |
God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months. |
| 51602 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7693 |
Dwight |
I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf. |
| 51603 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Nellie |
I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you? |
| 51604 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Meredith |
Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover? |
| 51605 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Erin |
Hey! |
| 51606 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Pete |
Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her? |
| 51607 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Erin |
Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands. |
| 51608 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Dwight |
Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway. |
| 51609 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7694 |
Andy |
What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! All right. Back to work. |
| 51610 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Pam |
OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why? |
| 51611 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Jim |
I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy. |
| 51612 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Pam |
I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress. |
| 51613 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Jim |
Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you. |
| 51614 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Pam |
It's not Brian's fault. |
| 51615 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Jim |
No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it. |
| 51616 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7695 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 51617 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip. |
| 51618 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Dwight |
Well, we had the Scranton White Pages. |
| 51619 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK? |
| 51620 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
David Wallace |
Hey guys. |
| 51621 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do. |
| 51622 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
David Wallace |
Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers. |
| 51623 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 51624 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
David Wallace |
Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes? |
| 51625 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Great! |
| 51626 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
David Wallace |
Great job, everybody! |
| 51627 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
We had to let a warehouse guy go?! |
| 51628 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Kevin |
You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank... |
| 51629 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Dwight |
... lit the whole thing on fire. It was crazy. |
| 51630 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
What?! |
| 51631 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 51632 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
There was a fire in the warehouse? |
| 51633 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Dwight |
The whole thing is in ashes. Fire department was here. It was in all the papers. |
| 51634 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 51635 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else? |
| 51636 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Phyllis |
We started selling balloons. |
| 51637 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
What?! |
| 51638 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Clark |
Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin. |
| 51639 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
No kidding? |
| 51640 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Clark |
Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless. |
| 51641 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50. |
| 51642 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Clark |
They're tasteful. |
| 51643 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7696 |
Andy |
Good, good. What else? |
| 51644 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
Andy |
Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fire. |
| 51645 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
David Wallace |
What fire? |
| 51646 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
Andy |
The warehouse fire. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes. |
| 51647 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
David Wallace |
It looked fine to me. |
| 51648 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
Andy |
I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fire. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fire. |
| 51649 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
David Wallace |
OK. |
| 51650 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7697 |
Andy |
I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well. |
| 51651 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7698 |
David Wallace |
Thanks, Andy. |
| 51652 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7698 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 51653 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7698 |
David Wallace |
All right. Everyone! |
| 51654 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
Fish sounds great. |
| 51655 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
Yeah, I guess. |
| 51656 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
Really playing the scales, huh? |
| 51657 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish? |
| 51658 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
I don't love you anymore. |
| 51659 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
What? |
| 51660 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
I still like you, but you were gone a really long time. And, you didn't really email me all that much. You retweeted me, a lot to be fair. But I don't love you. |
| 51661 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here. |
| 51662 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
I just said there isn't love. |
| 51663 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time. |
| 51664 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
I guess. |
| 51665 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun. |
| 51666 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
You got really sunburned. |
| 51667 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years. |
| 51668 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
Ugh. |
| 51669 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again. |
| 51670 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Erin |
You really think we can get that back? |
| 51671 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7699 |
Andy |
Yes. Come on. Totally. |
| 51672 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
You know what? Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight. |
| 51673 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Oh? |
| 51674 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
Yeah. I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly and I'm sure you have stuff to do. So we can just... I don't know, drop me at the bus station? |
| 51675 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Are you sure? |
| 51676 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
I just feel like we're gonna fight. |
| 51677 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 51678 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
So... how 'bout let's not? |
| 51679 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
OK. |
| 51680 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
Oh, um. Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it. |
| 51681 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Wow. I didn't know you kept this. |
| 51682 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. |
| 51683 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 51684 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
No problem. |
| 51685 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
I don't think you should go to Philly tonight. I think that you should stay and I think we should fight. |
| 51686 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
You really wanna fight on Valentine's Day? |
| 51687 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Pam |
Yeah, I do. |
| 51688 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7700 |
Jim |
OK. All right, put your dukes up, Beesly. |
| 51689 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 51690 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Pete |
Hey, you OK? |
| 51691 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Erin |
I couldn't do it. |
| 51692 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Pete |
Oh. |
| 51693 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Erin |
I'm sorry. |
| 51694 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7701 |
Pete |
Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just... I just want you to be happy. OK? |
| 51695 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7702 |
Erin |
We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months. |
| 51696 |
9 |
15 |
Couples Discount |
7702 |
David Wallace |
Hey, Andy. It's David. Still here. What was that about three months? |
| 51697 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David Wallace |
...No, you lied to me Andy. You pretended to be in this office for three months and you were sailing on your boat! |
| 51698 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
I resent that. I, I never lied to you. |
| 51699 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Really? "Hey David, all is good in Scranton PA." |
| 51700 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
And all was good in Scranton PA that day. |
| 51701 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
"By the way, Oscar says 'hi'" |
| 51702 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Oscar says "hi" all the time. He says all kinds of greetings. "Hi" "Hello" "Hola" You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say "hi"? |
| 51703 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Andy. |
| 51704 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
But you're calling me a liar. |
| 51705 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Andy! |
| 51706 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
By the way, that reminds me, I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling lately. |
| 51707 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Watch it Andy! |
| 51708 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Oh, here we go, January seventh 2013. "Hey Andy, all's well. Been meaning to make it down there but my wife's sick." Well, which is it?! Is all well or is your wife sick?! BUSTED! |
| 51709 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
My wife? |
| 51710 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
This has been a really tough time. |
| 51711 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Yeah? |
| 51712 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 51713 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Has it? |
| 51714 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but I really miss my beard. |
| 51715 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Shh. |
| 51716 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
It was like a security blan- |
| 51717 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Andy. |
| 51718 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
#NAME? |
| 51719 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
Shh. I'm not gonna fire you. |
| 51720 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
You're not? |
| 51721 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
No. |
| 51722 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
That's awesome. |
| 51723 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. So...I owe you that. |
| 51724 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
David, I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be here for you. I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it. |
| 51725 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
We are even...now. Understand? Got it? |
| 51726 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Crystal. |
| 51727 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
David |
You are on very- Hey, very thin ice. |
| 51728 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7703 |
Andy |
Vanilla. Vanilla Ice. It was a band. |
| 51729 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7704 |
Andy |
Good morning. |
| 51730 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7704 |
Erin |
Good morning. |
| 51731 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7704 |
Andy |
And how are you on this fine- |
| 51732 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7705 |
Andy |
Ok, we ready? Don't use that part. Last week, Erin told me that our relationship would be proceeding without me. Now I have to see her everyday at work. Which is...brutal. When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up. |
| 51733 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Andy |
Ahhh! Oooooh! ahh |
| 51734 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Pam |
He sounds like a wounded animal. |
| 51735 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Stanley |
Should've put him out of his misery and just fired her. |
| 51736 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Phyllis |
I can't be around sad people, it makes me sad. |
| 51737 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Stanley |
I'm the same way with horny people. |
| 51738 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7706 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 51739 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7707 |
Erin |
Yes. Pete and I have started seeing each other and Andy still doesn't know. We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. And hot for us. I mean I saw Pete's butt. It's sick. |
| 51740 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7708 |
Pam |
Oh that's mine! Um, I'll just, I'll get it out of the way for you. |
| 51741 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7709 |
Pam |
Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. It's um, with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. I'm sorry, I am just very nervous because honestly this is all moving a lot faster than I expected. And, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note. |
| 51742 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7710 |
Dwight |
No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. OK, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too. Fine. I'll see what I can do. |
| 51743 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
I need you. |
| 51744 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Ahh! Dwight! |
| 51745 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
And you should take breaks more often, I've been waiting there for 45 minutes. |
| 51746 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
What? What is it? |
| 51747 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
It's my aunt Shirley, she's on her last legs. |
| 51748 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Dwight, that's awful. |
| 51749 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
You have no idea. I mean her hair, clothes, it's all falling off in great big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley. |
| 51750 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
What do you mean by "poisoned"? |
| 51751 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
Probably nothing, or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine. Which is actually what it was. |
| 51752 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Ok, well I'm very sorry about your aunt. |
| 51753 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 51754 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
But I don't see how this is my problem. |
| 51755 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
Angela. You owe me one, remember? Now please, she's an old woman Angela. She needs a woman's touch. It's all hanging out- |
| 51756 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 51757 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
And there's parts of her I don't even recognize. |
| 51758 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Gah. |
| 51759 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
There's this one hanging part in particular, that's some sort of flap. |
| 51760 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
It's fine. |
| 51761 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
It's like a prehensile wing or something, you know? |
| 51762 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Ugh! God, I can't. OK, I'll- |
| 51763 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
It's a divet... |
| 51764 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
I'll help you! |
| 51765 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Dwight |
..where it was and it needs, it needs a... |
| 51766 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7711 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 51767 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7712 |
Andy |
Where are you going? |
| 51768 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7712 |
Pam |
Uh, not on a three month boat trip. |
| 51769 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7712 |
Andy |
Wha? Oh, burn. Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now? |
| 51770 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7712 |
Dwight |
How dare you? |
| 51771 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7712 |
Andy |
I'm still the boss! |
| 51772 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
I... |
| 51773 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
The answer is yes. |
| 51774 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
..just have some messages for you. |
| 51775 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
Are they from you? |
| 51776 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
Well no, they're from clients. |
| 51777 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
Well then, I don't want them. You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater, I know how much you love it. |
| 51778 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
I can't. I- |
| 51779 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
Nope, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. Some great memories tied up in that thing. |
| 51780 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
These are messages from clients who want to buy paper. |
| 51781 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
I don't want to talk about work right now. |
| 51782 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
Well I only want to talk about work right now. |
| 51783 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Andy |
Then I want my big blue sweater back. |
| 51784 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7713 |
Erin |
Well, I gave it to the Salvation Army. |
| 51785 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Pete |
I've got the seat adjusted right. |
| 51786 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Clark |
Perfect height, yeah. |
| 51787 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about? |
| 51788 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Pete |
I was just leaving. |
| 51789 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
Stay! We are in the bro-zone layer. Ok? Nard dog, Plop and Clarker Posey, AKA Clarkwork Orange. Here's the sitch: Erin dumped me, natch. But she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? Plop, you go first. |
| 51790 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Pete |
I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men. |
| 51791 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
Survey says: ENH! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got? |
| 51792 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Clark |
Look at it this way, being a bachelor is not all bad. I mean, you've got your freedom now. |
| 51793 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat. |
| 51794 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Clark |
There you go, good for you. |
| 51795 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
No. |
| 51796 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Clark |
You just let it all hang out, that's what... |
| 51797 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Andy |
May not seem like it, but this really helped. So, thank you. |
| 51798 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7714 |
Clark |
I'll give you a hundred dollars to wear that sweater to work tomorrow. |
| 51799 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
Aunt Shirley, Hello! It's me Dwight. |
| 51800 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
Oh, lookie here. It's big city Dwight. Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, big city Dwight. |
| 51801 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
Hello Aunt Shirley. |
| 51802 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny like a little kitchen witch. |
| 51803 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes! |
| 51804 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
New clothes? What for? |
| 51805 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
OK |
| 51806 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
Oh, God. |
| 51807 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
You know what? Before you put the new clothes on, Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. |
| 51808 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
Yes. How would you like a nice warm bath? |
| 51809 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
How would you like a mean cold slap? |
| 51810 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
Ow! |
| 51811 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
Ok, Aunt Shirley, dear, uh, can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps? |
| 51812 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
I could do that. |
| 51813 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
Ok. |
| 51814 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
No. No. |
| 51815 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
Yeah, trust me. |
| 51816 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Angela |
No. |
| 51817 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Dwight |
It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. |
| 51818 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7715 |
Shirley |
Step on it! |
| 51819 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7716 |
Andy |
Why doesn't Erin seem sad? Has she found someone new or something? And if so, why hasn't she told me? Is she trying to spare my feelings? During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places. |
| 51820 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
Andy, don't. No good can come from snooping. |
| 51821 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Andy |
I'm not snooping, there's just some crud on her screen. |
| 51822 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Oscar |
You're clearly snooping. |
| 51823 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Creed |
That's kinda uncool, man. |
| 51824 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Meredith |
Ah, come on. |
| 51825 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
Andy! |
| 51826 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Oscar |
That's her private property. |
| 51827 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Meredith |
Tell us! |
| 51828 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Andy |
Uh, hello! Who's snooping on who now? |
| 51829 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
What does that even mean? |
| 51830 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Meredith |
What's it say? |
| 51831 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
Put it down. |
| 51832 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Andy |
Everyone please, just- |
| 51833 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Creed |
It's not cool. |
| 51834 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
Put it down |
| 51835 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Oscar |
Andy. That is her private property. |
| 51836 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Meredith |
Boo. |
| 51837 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Andy |
Oh my god. |
| 51838 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Stanley |
Uh huh. |
| 51839 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
See? |
| 51840 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Stanley |
That's where nosey'll get you. |
| 51841 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7717 |
Phyllis |
Told you so. |
| 51842 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Andy |
Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop. Take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone. |
| 51843 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Darryl |
Man, you can't do that stuff. You'll only find pain. When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated. |
| 51844 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Andy |
Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete? |
| 51845 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Kevin |
Pete... |
| 51846 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Clark |
Hmm. |
| 51847 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7718 |
Kevin |
Pete what? |
| 51848 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7719 |
Pete |
It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete. |
| 51849 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
hello! |
| 51850 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
Hey! There she is. How you doin? |
| 51851 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Hi! Hey, do I look ok? |
| 51852 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
You look great. |
| 51853 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Ok |
| 51854 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 51855 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
What's that? Is that a- |
| 51856 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
Ok, I know where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. I'm a douche. But look what I can do with my hands. |
| 51857 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Isaac |
Gotta go, VIP just walked through the door. |
| 51858 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear. |
| 51859 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Isaac |
It's a phone? |
| 51860 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Yes. It is. And thank you so much for setting up this opportunity, I really appreciate it. |
| 51861 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Isaac |
Of course, anything for Team Halpert. You're gonna crush it, Pam. |
| 51862 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Thanks. |
| 51863 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
You are gonna crush it. Wow, I missed you. |
| 51864 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Wait, are you saying that into the phone or are you saying that to me. |
| 51865 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
Call you right back. What were you saying? |
| 51866 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Ha ha. |
| 51867 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Athlead Coworker |
Hey, Jim! We've got Trent Edwards on the line. |
| 51868 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Jim |
I've gotta go, but you know what? Team Halpert, ok? You're gonna crush it, you're gonna smash it. OK, good luck! |
| 51869 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7720 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 51870 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7721 |
Angela |
Gosh, she drank so much. And so quickly. |
| 51871 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7721 |
Dwight |
In her prime, Shirles could put away homemade schnapps morning noon and night. |
| 51872 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7721 |
Dwight |
Now all it takes is half a liter. She's dreaming. Alright, let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down. |
| 51873 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7721 |
Angela |
Spray her down? |
| 51874 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7721 |
Dwight |
No, it's a lot better than it sounds. There's a private shower area. Very tasteful, very rustic. |
| 51875 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Hey. |
| 51876 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Come on in. Have a seat. Uh, thanks for coming in, I just gotta get something off my chest. I just got some really weird news and uh, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I just got off the phone with my doctor, and it turns out I contracted shlmydia...from Erin. And it's incurable. Pretty lame huh? |
| 51877 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Yeah. You were gone. |
| 51878 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
I knew it! |
| 51879 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
For a long time, Andy. |
| 51880 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
You and Erin are fuhhhhhhherraaaaa! |
| 51881 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Andy, just so you know, there was no overlap. |
| 51882 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. This is suddenly so easy. Guess what? You're fired! |
| 51883 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
What? |
| 51884 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Yeah. You. Are. Fired! One of the perks of being boss. I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. And wow, that turns out to be you. Yup. Sorry. So you had a bad day- |
| 51885 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Andy? |
| 51886 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
..The camera don't lie! |
| 51887 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Andy. |
| 51888 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
You're being an idiot get.. |
| 51889 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
I'm trying.. |
| 51890 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Out of my office, turns out you're fired... |
| 51891 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Andy. |
| 51892 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Because you suck. |
| 51893 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
You can't fire- |
| 51894 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
And you're fired... |
| 51895 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
If you want to talk to me |
| 51896 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
So you had a bad day... |
| 51897 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
I'll be in the annex. |
| 51898 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Rut ti doh doh... |
| 51899 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Alright? I'll be in the annex. |
| 51900 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Rut tit doh doh... |
| 51901 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Toby! |
| 51902 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Andy |
Rut ti doh doo doh |
| 51903 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7722 |
Pete |
Toby? |
| 51904 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
You can't fire Pete. You understand why, right? |
| 51905 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Andy |
No. |
| 51906 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
Oh, Andy, we had this exact same conversation when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. You can't just get rid of people over grudges. |
| 51907 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Andy |
Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge. |
| 51908 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
Alright, well look. While I have you here, this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete & Erin. |
| 51909 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Andy |
They already have a contract? "Mutually agree to-" Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch. |
| 51910 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
It's just boiler plating, you don't have to read it. |
| 51911 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Andy |
Well, I'm not signing away my rights. |
| 51912 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
I already signed it. I was just showing you. |
| 51913 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Andy |
Ok, well we'll see about that. |
| 51914 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7723 |
Toby |
Andy, it's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating. Andy. It's the original. |
| 51915 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Mark |
... talking Chester avenue, talking triplex, talking converting...Is that her? Hey guys! Say something. |
| 51916 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Pam |
Hello. |
| 51917 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Mark |
Hi, I'm Mark. |
| 51918 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Pam |
Hi, Pam, hello. |
| 51919 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Mark |
I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. D'Jango! I don't agree with the use of the "N" word in that movie. It's, it's too soon. |
| 51920 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Pam |
I'm Pam Halpert. |
| 51921 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7724 |
Mark |
Oh, hi. They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty, we are one funky bunch! Come on you guys, raise the roof when I say that! I- what are you all temps again today? Let's go, Gangnam style. He's heard Gangnam style, he knows it. Right? That's cause he's American. This is Carl. Uh, he's from here. Our neck of the woods. But Gangnam style is great, isn't it? |
| 51922 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7725 |
Pam |
Oh my god. He's Michael Scott. |
| 51923 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Shirley |
Time to get clean! |
| 51924 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
It's hosing time Aunt Shirley, have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time hearing her over the roar of the hose. |
| 51925 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
You have to use chains? |
| 51926 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
You'll see. Here we go. |
| 51927 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Shirley |
Let's get this show on the road. |
| 51928 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Let's do it! Ready? Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off. |
| 51929 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
Dwight! |
| 51930 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Let's get to it. |
| 51931 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
No! No! |
| 51932 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Give it a whirl. |
| 51933 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal. |
| 51934 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Shirley |
Stop your belly-aching and hose me. |
| 51935 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
I need you to hose my aunt. |
| 51936 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
No Dwight! |
| 51937 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
OK you are useless. |
| 51938 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
No, Dwight! |
| 51939 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Give me the hose! |
| 51940 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
No Dwight, I won't- |
| 51941 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Ahh! OK! |
| 51942 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub? |
| 51943 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Dwight |
Yes ma'am. |
| 51944 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7726 |
Angela |
Good. |
| 51945 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7727 |
Mark |
This is not an office so much as it is a uh, rec room with a bunch of computers in it. Frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the gar-bage. But unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do. So. That ain't gonna happen. He's a temp, don't worry about him. Alice! Alright, stay awake ok? |
| 51946 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Toby |
Hey Nellie. Mmm. I am so sick of February. It's the shortest month but it sure doesn't feel that way. We should catch up. |
| 51947 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Nellie |
Um. |
| 51948 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Toby |
Y'know I've been going over my notes from the trial... |
| 51949 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Nellie |
Oh no. |
| 51950 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Toby |
...feel like I may have glossed over a few... |
| 51951 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Nellie |
No no no no. |
| 51952 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Toby |
...minor points. |
| 51953 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Nellie |
No. Toby, you cannot keep blathering on about this Scranton Strangler. Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes. |
| 51954 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Toby |
I've been drafting a letter. |
| 51955 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7728 |
Nellie |
For two years! Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it? Just- I don't want to hear it! |
| 51956 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7729 |
Mark |
My aunt Joan. Oh, uh well, she uh, she worked here before I did, so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, to be honest with you I'm probably a little harder on her than I am on the rest of these people. Ah, cute. Not work on this...work on this months. Ok Nana? Uh, when I say "Chillax" people chillax. Watch this. Hey Roger, chillax! Must not have heard me. |
| 51957 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7729 |
Roger |
No. I heard you. |
| 51958 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7729 |
Mark |
Step this way for The Spanish Inquisition! Kids in the Hall. Just, it's not high pressure. Just a little Coffee Talk. Ok? Like butta. Come on in here. Mike Myers. |
| 51959 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7729 |
Pam |
Oh my god. |
| 51960 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
Thank you! Thanks, thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back. OK? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend. |
| 51961 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Meredith |
Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk.... |
| 51962 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
Ugh. |
| 51963 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Meredith |
Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. |
| 51964 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Phyllis |
Come on Andy, they're a good match. |
| 51965 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
That doesn't matter. Ok? What matters is that I am hurt! Deep hurt inside of me. I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet! I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings. |
| 51966 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Darryl |
Hey, Andy. |
| 51967 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
What?! |
| 51968 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Darryl |
You've got a booger bubble going on there. |
| 51969 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
Sorry. |
| 51970 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Darryl |
It's ok. |
| 51971 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7730 |
Andy |
My whole life is a booger bubble! |
| 51972 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. From The Smurfs movie. |
| 51973 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural- |
| 51974 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
What does this say here? To ti te per tat... what language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second, now I can read it. |
| 51975 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
Oh, cause it was upside down. |
| 51976 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
You're a good audience. |
| 51977 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
So um- |
| 51978 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
Unlike some of these people around here. |
| 51979 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the- |
| 51980 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean...you think they like me, Pam? |
| 51981 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 51982 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- went to the Pratt Institute...You have children? |
| 51983 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Pam |
Two children, yes. |
| 51984 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7731 |
Mark |
You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be. |
| 51985 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Pete |
Hey. You got a sec to talk? |
| 51986 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Andy |
Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: pen1s. Translation? My manhood. |
| 51987 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Pete |
Yeah. Look, uh I understand breakups are tough. You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. But you've gotta move on. |
| 51988 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Andy |
Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now. |
| 51989 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Erin |
Listen to him, Andy. He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear. |
| 51990 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Andy |
Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in. |
| 51991 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Pete |
Well, I've been where you are now. I dated this girl Alice and it was an ugly breakup. She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. I'd run into her every day but I had to grow up and deal with it, and I did. We're even Facebook friends now. |
| 51992 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Erin |
See? We can all be friends! |
| 51993 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 51994 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Erin |
Just, get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward. |
| 51995 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7732 |
Pete |
I do think we can have a fair.... |
| 51996 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7733 |
Andy |
Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun. |
| 51997 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- not allowed to ask. So... |
| 51998 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
I am not pr- |
| 51999 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
You're not. |
| 52000 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
Pregnant, no. |
| 52001 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant. |
| 52002 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 52003 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone- |
| 52004 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager. |
| 52005 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
It is. Yeah, you would uh manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again. |
| 52006 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
So, kinda like a receptionist. |
| 52007 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show? |
| 52008 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Pam |
Yes. |
| 52009 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7734 |
Mark |
Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted. |
| 52010 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7735 |
Pam |
I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't. |
| 52011 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Shirley |
Ow! The braid is too tight. |
| 52012 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Angela |
Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still. |
| 52013 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Shirley |
Yes ma'am. |
| 52014 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Angela |
I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. |
| 52015 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Shirley |
Ok. |
| 52016 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Angela |
There. |
| 52017 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7736 |
Shirley |
Thank you Angela. |
| 52018 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7737 |
Toby |
I'm going to the prison. This afternoon. I'm gonna talk to the strangler. |
| 52019 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7737 |
Nellie |
Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler. |
| 52020 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7737 |
Darryl |
Don't use his real name. George Howard Scubb. It's a devil name. |
| 52021 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7737 |
Toby |
Well I just wanted to say I'm doing it. |
| 52022 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7737 |
Nellie |
He's doing it. |
| 52023 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Pam |
hey! |
| 52024 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Jim |
Hey, how'd the interview go? |
| 52025 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh, wait until you. This guy was unbelievable. Ok so- |
| 52026 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Jim |
I can't wait to hear about it later. Do you want to come in at eight? And uh, don't eat because I'm ordering in. |
| 52027 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Pam |
Eight? Really? |
| 52028 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Jim |
I'll make it worth your while, I promise. |
| 52029 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Pam |
Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kill four hours. So uh, yeah. I'll see you at eight. |
| 52030 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Jim |
Alright, love you. |
| 52031 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7738 |
Pam |
Love you. |
| 52032 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
Hi. |
| 52033 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Hi. |
| 52034 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard. |
| 52035 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Yes. The consultant. Andy said you can start right away so I will take you to your desk. |
| 52036 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
Ok, great. Thanks. |
| 52037 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Meredith |
Fresh meat! Fresh meat! |
| 52038 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Just keep walking, don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. I'm Erin by the way. |
| 52039 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
Nice to meet you. Cute sweater. |
| 52040 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Oh, thanks. Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk. |
| 52041 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Kevin |
I'm Kevin. |
| 52042 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
Pete? |
| 52043 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Pete |
Alice. Oh man. |
| 52044 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
It's uh, been a while, huh? |
| 52045 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
What, do you two know each other? |
| 52046 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Pete |
Yeah. We uh, have a history. |
| 52047 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Oh. |
| 52048 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Alice |
History. Wow, ok. We dated for two years. |
| 52049 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
That's so random. |
| 52050 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Pete |
Well. Is it? |
| 52051 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Erin |
Andy also hired a management consultant today. Oh no. |
| 52052 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Creed |
Hey Erin, look who's back. The bird man. |
| 52053 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Gabe |
Hello beautiful. |
| 52054 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Kevin |
Didn't you two used to do it? |
| 52055 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Gabe |
We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that. |
| 52056 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7739 |
Creed |
She's looking good. |
| 52057 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7740 |
Toby |
Hi, I'm uh, Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard Scubb. |
| 52058 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7741 |
Toby |
This is the prison. Uh, I am not going in there with expectations, per say. Uh, I will meet George Howard Scubb. I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did, how did Bogart put it? I think this is a start of my first friendship. |
| 52059 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Clark |
So Pete was a librarian? |
| 52060 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Alice |
He worked as a librarian freshman year. |
| 52061 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Clark |
Was he like the sexy librarian? |
| 52062 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Pete |
Ok. |
| 52063 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Alice |
Is there like somebody who's in charge of marketing? Maybe I should sit near him or her. |
| 52064 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
Hi. |
| 52065 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Alice |
Hi. |
| 52066 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
Hi, how's it going? |
| 52067 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Alice |
Hi. Good. I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing p- |
| 52068 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with? |
| 52069 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Pete |
Andy, that is really inappropriate. |
| 52070 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
Awkward. |
| 52071 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Pete |
It is awkward. This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. |
| 52072 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
Really uncomfortable situation. |
| 52073 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 52074 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Andy |
It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta "move on". Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm. |
| 52075 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Alice |
So there's no marketing department. |
| 52076 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Clark |
No. |
| 52077 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7742 |
Pete |
No. |
| 52078 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7743 |
Gabe |
You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. |
| 52079 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7743 |
Erin |
So Andy just called you up out of the blue? |
| 52080 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7743 |
Gabe |
Yeah. He told me you two broke up. |
| 52081 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7743 |
Erin |
Yeah. |
| 52082 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7743 |
Gabe |
You must be pretty horny. |
| 52083 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7744 |
Nellie |
well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? One week? Ok, two weeks? Ok. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave. |
| 52084 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Shirley |
I feel like a show pony. |
| 52085 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Dwight |
And you look like one too. Thank you Angela. |
| 52086 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Angela |
You're welcome. Would you like some stew? |
| 52087 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Dwight |
By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela? |
| 52088 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Angela |
Mmhm. |
| 52089 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Dwight |
Would you like the stink sack? |
| 52090 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Angela |
Is it any good? |
| 52091 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Dwight |
No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. |
| 52092 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 52093 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Shirley |
So, when's the wedding? |
| 52094 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Angela |
Oh, um actually uh, we are just friends. |
| 52095 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7745 |
Shirley |
That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing. |
| 52096 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Pam |
Hello? |
| 52097 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Jim |
Hey! Back here. |
| 52098 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Pam |
Oh, wow. Seriously? Oh my gosh, is that champagne? |
| 52099 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Jim |
Si, senor. |
| 52100 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Pam |
Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job. |
| 52101 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Jim |
Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright? |
| 52102 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Pam |
Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate. |
| 52103 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Jim |
Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here. |
| 52104 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Pam |
You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny. |
| 52105 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7746 |
Jim |
Alright. So, tell me all about it. |
| 52106 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Dwight |
Ok. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you. |
| 52107 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Angela |
It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. Dwight, Dwight. |
| 52108 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Dwight |
Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres East of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse. |
| 52109 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Angela |
No, Dwight. The Senator. |
| 52110 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Dwight |
Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey. |
| 52111 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Angela |
I can't be your monkey, Dwight. |
| 52112 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Dwight |
I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life...I want to spend with you. |
| 52113 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Angela |
I made a vow. I gave my word. |
| 52114 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Dwight |
Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine. |
| 52115 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7747 |
Angela |
Good night, D. |
| 52116 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7748 |
Erin |
How are you doing? Is it really rough? |
| 52117 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7748 |
Pete |
It is so unpleasant. You? |
| 52118 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7748 |
Andy |
Hey, love turds. Conference room, now. |
| 52119 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Andy |
Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day? |
| 52120 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Honestly, it was a little weird. |
| 52121 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Andy |
Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? |
| 52122 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes. So it feels to me like we're still in a relationship- |
| 52123 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
Gabe! |
| 52124 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
...a lot of the time. |
| 52125 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Andy |
And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch. |
| 52126 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
Dude, it was an amicable break up Andy. |
| 52127 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
Ok, while we're rewriting history, you never had a drinking problem. |
| 52128 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
It was college. That is what you do. |
| 52129 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
Yeah you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. |
| 52130 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
Hey, Andy, is this at all work related? |
| 52131 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Andy |
We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? |
| 52132 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Oh no no no no no no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heat out. |
| 52133 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
Gabe, can you stop talking? Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. |
| 52134 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
I got a tattoo for you. |
| 52135 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you! |
| 52136 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing. |
| 52137 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete. |
| 52138 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
She's nice to me. |
| 52139 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. |
| 52140 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's- |
| 52141 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. |
| 52142 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
Oh my god. |
| 52143 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
What kind of music are you into, Peter? |
| 52144 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe. |
| 52145 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan? |
| 52146 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
No! |
| 52147 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Erin, are you even hearing this? |
| 52148 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
He didn't even say that. |
| 52149 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
He is not a very sophisticated man, I mean he can't even use chopsticks, so. Do I need to say anything else? |
| 52150 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night. |
| 52151 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
Gabe, I don't- |
| 52152 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Give me one night with you... |
| 52153 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
What is that supposed to mean? |
| 52154 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
I have shaved everything... |
| 52155 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
I don't want you to shave everything. |
| 52156 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
I wasted two years of my life on you, you realize that right?! |
| 52157 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. |
| 52158 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
I am as smooth as a porpoise. {Erin argues] |
| 52159 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Pete |
Why don't you say in the beginning: "This isn't really going that well" |
| 52160 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Gabe |
Shove his sashimi! |
| 52161 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Erin |
What do you-! |
| 52162 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7749 |
Alice |
Because I had to wait- |
| 52163 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7750 |
Andy |
Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? Yeah. Yeah, it does. |
| 52164 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura. |
| 52165 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
Tell me about the cologne. How much? |
| 52166 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least. |
| 52167 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
You're definitely hoarding this by the way. |
| 52168 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
Guess what poster he had on his wall? |
| 52169 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
Austin Powers. |
| 52170 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
MmMm. |
| 52171 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
Ferris Bueller. |
| 52172 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
MmMm. You're getting colder. |
| 52173 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
Not Night at the Roxbury. |
| 52174 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green. |
| 52175 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that? |
| 52176 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
I don't know, but it's interesting right? |
| 52177 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
It's fascinating. |
| 52178 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day. |
| 52179 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
That's amazing. Well, listen. You can't win 'em all, right? |
| 52180 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
Mmhm. |
| 52181 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
So, next interview has to be better. |
| 52182 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
I don't know. |
| 52183 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
What do you mean? Of course it will. You're amazing. |
| 52184 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
I know. It's just even if it was, a great boss and a great job, I just, I don't know, I don't know if I want, um, I don't know if I want this. |
| 52185 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
Huh. This is a little out of left field. |
| 52186 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Pam |
Is it? I just, I liked our life in Scranton. |
| 52187 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7751 |
Jim |
And I have started a business in Philadelphia. |
| 52188 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7752 |
Oscar's Computer |
My grandfather know. Mah Jong will be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment. |
| 52189 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7752 |
Oscar |
You could all be doing this, just saying. |
| 52190 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7753 |
Oscar |
I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online. |
| 52191 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Stanley |
Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? |
| 52192 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Oscar |
I'll tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out, that's how you win. Alright Ok. Kevin? A little help buddy? |
| 52193 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Kevin |
Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? |
| 52194 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Oscar |
Can someone please help me? |
| 52195 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Phyllis |
Ow, these teas are hot, can someone help me please? |
| 52196 |
9 |
16 |
Moving On |
7754 |
Oscar |
Just- People! I'm not going anywhere. Soon, my core will get strong again and when that happens I'll be able to- Head rush! Ah! Can someone please help me? I- Hey! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be right here! Oh that's not good. Hey guys! I've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. Kevin, would you like a pizza? |
| 52197 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7755 |
Dwight |
Hold it! |
| 52198 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7755 |
Creed |
New glasses. |
| 52199 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7756 |
Erin |
Dwight. What a ridiculous, fancy clown you are. |
| 52200 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7756 |
Dwight |
I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died. |
| 52201 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7756 |
Pam |
Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close? |
| 52202 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7756 |
Dwight |
I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother. |
| 52203 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7757 |
Dwight |
My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt. |
| 52204 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Jim |
My condolences. |
| 52205 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Dwight |
Keep them. |
| 52206 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Jim |
OK. Now, what do we got in these two pails? |
| 52207 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Dwight |
In keeping with Schrute custom, I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling red, fertile dirt in your face. Or, I will ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time of grief, with a dusting of black, slightly acidic soil. |
| 52208 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Erin |
What color is it? |
| 52209 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Phyllis |
It looks pretty black. |
| 52210 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Kevin |
Yep. Acidic, all right. |
| 52211 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Oscar |
Oh, thank god. |
| 52212 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Dwight |
Excuse me? |
| 52213 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Oscar |
I'm so sorry, Dwight. And if you want me to be there, of course I will go. I just... have a personal training session... |
| 52214 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7758 |
Dwight |
OK. That's not... |
| 52215 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7759 |
Oscar |
I get red dirt. Nobody is getting red dirt. I should've kept my mouth shut. We're not even that close. I've only known Dwight... 12 years. 12 years. Time is a son of a bitch. |
| 52216 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Jim |
I'm sure... I'm sure she's in a better place. |
| 52217 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Dwight |
I really hope so. |
| 52218 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Jim |
OK. This is crazy. You can't make a dirt ball. |
| 52219 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Dwight |
I miss her so much. |
| 52220 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Jim |
OK. |
| 52221 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7760 |
Dwight |
You know? |
| 52222 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Mose |
Zeke's here. |
| 52223 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Dwight |
Zeke. |
| 52224 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Zeke |
Hey, Dwight. Mose, Mom says 'hi'. |
| 52225 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Mose |
'Hi' to Mom. |
| 52226 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Dwight |
Are you going? |
| 52227 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Mose |
Will there be ghosts there? |
| 52228 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Dwight |
Get in the sidecar. Get in the sidecar. |
| 52229 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Zeke |
You get in the sidecar. |
| 52230 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7761 |
Dwight |
Get... |
| 52231 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Dwight |
What are you doing here? |
| 52232 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Oscar |
You invited me. You threw the red dirt in my face. |
| 52233 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Dwight |
Oh, yeah. |
| 52234 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Oscar |
Who is that? |
| 52235 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Dwight |
Jeb, my brother. |
| 52236 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Oscar |
You have a brother? |
| 52237 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. |
| 52238 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7762 |
Jeb |
I didn't really see a better parking spot. Whoa! Look what I did. It's a rental. You wanna go in? |
| 52239 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Erin |
Oh, gosh. |
| 52240 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, Moonface. Nice to see those shiny, little Chinese eyes of yours. |
| 52241 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Clark |
Who's this guy? |
| 52242 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Pam |
... bad. |
| 52243 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
Hi, all. |
| 52244 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Phyllis |
Why are you here, Todd? |
| 52245 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
OK. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did. |
| 52246 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Kevin |
Packer, we accept. |
| 52247 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, this kid in a few years. |
| 52248 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Pam |
Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology. |
| 52249 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. OK. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place 'Nipples'. |
| 52250 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Pam |
I think it's called 'Nibbles'. |
| 52251 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Todd Packer |
Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh? There you go. |
| 52252 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7763 |
Pam |
Hey, hey, guys. Wait. Before we accept these cupcakes, I think we need to have a conversation privately in the conference room. Don't eat the cupcake. |
| 52253 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
German Minister |
We are here today to join this woman and the ground. Man is born of woman and his life is full of turmoil. |
| 52254 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Jeb |
Huh. It's crap soil. Nothing's going to grow here. |
| 52255 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Doesn't matter. It's a cemetery. |
| 52256 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Jeb |
Yeah, well, I'm just saying it's garbage soil, that's all. |
| 52257 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Well, the only thing we're planting here is dead bodies. |
| 52258 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Jeb |
It's fine 'cause they're not going to grow. |
| 52259 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Well, thank god they're not because we don't want to make zombies. |
| 52260 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Jeb |
Good. I agree. Don't worry about it. You won't get any. |
| 52261 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
German Minister |
Would the family care to say something? |
| 52262 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
You had black hair and then gray hair. |
| 52263 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Zeke |
You were the aunt to my cousins. Most of your life you were 5'4", at the end you were 5'1". |
| 52264 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Oscar |
They're a descriptive people. |
| 52265 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Fannie |
I see you started without me. |
| 52266 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
You were late. So, what am I supposed to do? |
| 52267 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Fannie |
Well, I told you... |
| 52268 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Oscar |
Who is that? |
| 52269 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Zeke |
Dwight's sister. |
| 52270 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Oscar |
Dwight has a sister? |
| 52271 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Zeke |
Yeah. |
| 52272 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Oscar |
She's beautiful. |
| 52273 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Zeke |
Blugh. |
| 52274 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Hello, little man. Haven't seen you in a few years. What is this? Oh, god. Henry. |
| 52275 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Henry |
Dwight. |
| 52276 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
I see Esther's back in town. |
| 52277 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Esther |
Hi Dwight. |
| 52278 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Hi Esther. Nice of you to come today. |
| 52279 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Esther |
This was on the way. We're going into town after. I need yarn. |
| 52280 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
Well, if you can snap two chicken necks with a single motion, why use two motions to slaughter those chickens. |
| 52281 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Fannie |
We're at a funeral. There's a funeral going on here. |
| 52282 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
OK. |
| 52283 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Henry |
Anyone mention her height? |
| 52284 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Zeke |
Yep. |
| 52285 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Henry |
Land size? Shirley, at 1600 acres, you have the largest farm in the area. Sharing borders with six other farms. Including my own farm. And your nephew Dwight's. OK. |
| 52286 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Dwight |
So, let's get it going. |
| 52287 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
German Minister |
Would you want to do the honors? |
| 52288 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7764 |
Fannie |
Oh, right. Uh, you know, I don't think we have to do this. |
| 52289 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7765 |
Dwight |
We Schrutes don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dead. But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dead were completely dead. Out of kindness. |
| 52290 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7766 |
Oscar |
That's it for me. |
| 52291 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7767 |
Pam |
I don't think we should eat Packers' cupcakes. We can't give him the satisfaction. |
| 52292 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7767 |
Phyllis |
I agree. Even though that place has a way of making those cupcakes so they're dense. But, they're also really fluffy. |
| 52293 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7767 |
Pam |
We can't let him buy our forgiveness with cupcakes. He was awful to us. And, he still is. How much is a cupcake? $2.50? Is that the price of our dignity? |
| 52294 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7767 |
Creed |
$3.75 a cupcake, actually. $3.67 if you buy a dozen. |
| 52295 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7768 |
Creed |
I never forget a number. Names? In one ear and out the other. Places? Nope. Faces? That's rich. But, numbers? I have a gift. I guess that's why I'm an accountant. |
| 52296 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7769 |
Clark |
Hey, man. I don't think we've met. I'm Clark. |
| 52297 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7769 |
Todd Packer |
Oh. I'm Todd. Oh, sorry for calling you a fat, little runt earlier. |
| 52298 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7769 |
Clark |
You didn't actually say that. |
| 52299 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7769 |
Todd Packer |
No? Wow. I'm in this mode now where I'm apologizing for thoughts that are in my head. Hey. I have a crazy feeling that you are really gonna like this. |
| 52300 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Stanley |
Maybe we should eat the cupcakes. Haven't we done enough to Packer? I mean, we sent him down to Florida on a prank. And you did fire him. |
| 52301 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Nellie |
I did. I did, yes. And it was purely political. He did nothing wrong. |
| 52302 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Pam |
Would any of you be saying any of this if the cupcakes were from Supermart? |
| 52303 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Angela |
Do they even have a bakery anymore? |
| 52304 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Kevin |
They do. It's awful. And, it's getting worse every day. |
| 52305 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Pam |
So, it really is just about the cupcakes. |
| 52306 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Andy |
Wow, you're right. It is just about the cupcakes. |
| 52307 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Phyllis |
So, we're all agreed? No one touches those cupcakes? |
| 52308 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Meredith |
OK. |
| 52309 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7770 |
Phyllis |
OK. Packer can go to hell. |
| 52310 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7771 |
Aunt Shirley |
Thank you for coming to my funeral. As I gaze at life's big sunset, I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong. You've all disappointed me greatly. Fannie. A single mamma in the city. |
| 52311 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7771 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 52312 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7771 |
Aunt Shirley |
Jeb. A street pusher. |
| 52313 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7772 |
Jeb |
After I left the army, I bought a 9-acre worm farm from a Californian. Turns out "worm" means something else out there. And, I am now in the business of... pain management. Or, the smoking of pain management. |
| 52314 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7773 |
Dwight |
I can't stand the fact that Jeb is a pot farmer. He could've grown anything. Anything in the world. He used to talk about growing a peanut-grape hybrid. One plant, one sandwhich. |
| 52315 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7774 |
Aunt Shirley |
We can't just sit by and watch our family farm disappear. So, here are my terms. Dwight, Fannie, Jeb. If you come back home, I will leave you my farm. So, there, you have it. |
| 52316 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7774 |
Fannie |
Is she crazy? Dwight? |
| 52317 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7774 |
Jeb |
Buddy? Buddy? |
| 52318 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7774 |
Fannie |
No, no, no. |
| 52319 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7774 |
Jeb |
Snap out of it. Dwight? |
| 52320 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Dwight |
Let's do this. Let's run Aunt Shirley's farm. I'm in. Boom. |
| 52321 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Fannie |
No, no, no. I'm not moving back here. Are you crazy? |
| 52322 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Dwight |
Of course you are. |
| 52323 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Fannie |
Look. I, I don't want to be mean or like insulting. I know that you like it here. But, Dwight, it's just that farm life lacks a certain... sort of sophistication. |
| 52324 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Dwight |
Oh my god. |
| 52325 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7775 |
Fannie |
That Cammy and I are drawn to. And, I don't know. The men are just... it's almost like there's a... a willing ignorance. |
| 52326 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7776 |
Fannie |
Yes. I, thank you for asking me. I actually have written a little bit of poetry. That's crazy. And, I was recently published. Which is just... maybe I have. Yep. I do. Here it is from the um, Hartford Women's Lit Quarterly.com. A Willing Ignorance by Fannie Schrute. |
| 52327 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Jeb |
Totally. Yep. The people here are like Like a fart. You know what I'm saying? Like a fart? |
| 52328 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Dwight |
You know what? Let's take a couple of nights and stay here and think about Aunt Shirley's offer. |
| 52329 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Jeb |
Couple of nights couldn't hurt. |
| 52330 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Fannie |
Uh, somehow how I think a couple of nights could hurt. |
| 52331 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Dwight |
You will say 'yes' on one. Five, four, three, two, get ready to say 'yes', one. Yes. |
| 52332 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7777 |
Zeke |
Absolutely. |
| 52333 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7778 |
Zeke |
Growing up with Dwight and Mose was not easy. Uh, Dwight was obviously the cool one. And, Mose was the visionary. Which left me to be the comedian. |
| 52334 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Fannie |
That doesn't work on me. |
| 52335 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Dwight |
OK. |
| 52336 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Fannie |
By the way, that's not... |
| 52337 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Fannie |
Very funny. OK. Oui, oui, oui. |
| 52338 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Dwight |
Oui. |
| 52339 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7779 |
Fannie |
Oh my goodness. |
| 52340 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7780 |
Dwight |
People underestimate the power of nostalgia. If baseball can use it to get people to care about that worthless sport, then I can use it to get my siblings to care about the farm. Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck. |
| 52341 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7781 |
Fannie |
So, I forgot about this old custom. If a man is interested in courting a woman, he may throw the beaks of a crow at her. And then, if she's interested in accepting the courtship, she has to destroy the beaks. |
| 52342 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7782 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for screwing you. |
| 52343 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7782 |
Meredith |
I'm not sorry about it. |
| 52344 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7782 |
Todd Packer |
I am. It was my rock bottom. |
| 52345 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Angela |
Kevin, you can do this. |
| 52346 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Kevin |
You don't know that. |
| 52347 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Pam |
Kevin, um, let's think of something to distract us. Uh, like the movie Skyfall. You loved the movie Skyfall, right? |
| 52348 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Angela |
Uh-huh. |
| 52349 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Kevin |
James Bond was a spy. |
| 52350 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Pam |
Yes. He was a good spy. |
| 52351 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Kevin |
Yeah. He was the best. James Bond would love this cupcake. |
| 52352 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7783 |
Todd Packer |
Hey, you know what? It was, uh, great to see you all again. Take care. |
| 52353 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7784 |
Todd Packer |
I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not. Some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it. |
| 52354 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Pam |
Guys, I'm proud of us. I think we did the right thing. Hey! |
| 52355 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Angela |
What, Pam? |
| 52356 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Pam |
Wait! |
| 52357 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Angela |
He's gone. It's just a cupcake now. |
| 52358 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Pam |
No, no. It's the principle of the thing. |
| 52359 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Andy |
Oh my god. I forgive him so much. Whoa, is he choking? |
| 52360 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Angela |
Kevin? |
| 52361 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7785 |
Kevin |
Oh, that was fantastic. |
| 52362 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Cameron |
Is it dangerous to take the eggs in front of them? |
| 52363 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Dwight |
Yes, very. You really need to stand back because these are killer chickens. |
| 52364 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Cameron |
I was just asking you something I didn't know. |
| 52365 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Dwight |
Which is fine. And, you learned something. But, it was kind of a stupid question so you're gonna get made fun of a little bit. |
| 52366 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Cameron |
Are we gonna eat these today? |
| 52367 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7786 |
Dwight |
If you want. |
| 52368 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
Is that a guillotine? |
| 52369 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Dwight |
This? No. That'd be cool, though. It's for milking. |
| 52370 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
That's a cow? |
| 52371 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Dwight |
Did you just ask me if this was a cow? |
| 52372 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
What are you doing now? |
| 52373 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Dwight |
Come here. Come on. Grab a teat with each hand. Sit down. There you go. Squeeze from top to bottom. Really pull. Use some muscle. Draw the milk out. All right. Going all right? |
| 52374 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
I don't know. |
| 52375 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Dwight |
Well, is the udder hot? Is the milk clumpy? |
| 52376 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
I don't know any of that. |
| 52377 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Dwight |
OK, you suck at this. Give me those teats. Didn't your father teach you anything? |
| 52378 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7787 |
Cameron |
I never met him. |
| 52379 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
Good morning, Erin. |
| 52380 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 52381 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
Hey, everybody. Um, I decided to eat my cupcake. I thought about it last night. I talked to Jim. I talked to my sister. And, I think that, as long as Todd Packer doesn't know, it's OK. |
| 52382 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Phyllis |
I don't care what you do, Pam. Just please stop making noise. |
| 52383 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
Phyllis! |
| 52384 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Clark |
Packer laced the cupcakes. |
| 52385 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
No! |
| 52386 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Meredith |
Did you get diarrhea or were you stoned? |
| 52387 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Angela |
Some of us got both. |
| 52388 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
Oh my god! Is everyone OK? |
| 52389 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Phyllis |
Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars. |
| 52390 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Nellie |
Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet. |
| 52391 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Stanley |
Me too. |
| 52392 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Clark |
I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night. |
| 52393 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Phyllis |
What did you do, Andy? |
| 52394 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Andy |
Last night? Oh, god, um, I don't know. Na, nothing really. Kevin? |
| 52395 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Kevin |
Why would you ask me? |
| 52396 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Andy |
I'm not, a... I'm just. I don't know. Oh. Gosh. I actually. It is hard to recall. Um. Pretty normal night. |
| 52397 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Kevin |
My night was just like that. Meaning normal. |
| 52398 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Andy |
Yeah. I didn't see you last night at all. |
| 52399 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Kevin |
Nope. I did not see you either. |
| 52400 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
Wow. He is officially the worst human being. |
| 52401 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Kevin |
Ah. |
| 52402 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Pam |
But, Kevin that's... |
| 52403 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Kevin |
Yeah. No, I understand, Pam. I understand. |
| 52404 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7788 |
Angela |
No. |
| 52405 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7789 |
Todd Packer |
So, that's it. I just wanted to make amends. |
| 52406 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7789 |
Darryl |
That's big of you, man. Takes a lot of courage. |
| 52407 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7789 |
Jim |
Ooh, red velvet. I should apologize too. |
| 52408 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7789 |
Todd Packer |
It's OK. I'm over it. |
| 52409 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7790 |
Jeb |
Oof. This is no nine-acre worm farm. This is a beast. Whoever's managing this thing is gonna have a hell of a job. Not it. |
| 52410 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7790 |
Fannie |
Not it. |
| 52411 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7790 |
Dwight |
It. That kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's gonna stay like that. |
| 52412 |
9 |
17 |
The Farm |
7790 |
Fannie |
All right. |
| 52413 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7791 |
Kevin |
Uh oh. She's doing it again. |
| 52414 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7792 |
Pam |
Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about um... |
| 52415 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7792 |
Clark |
It's p0rn. |
| 52416 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7792 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 52417 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Dwight |
Seriously. Ugh. Ok, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment. |
| 52418 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Phyllis |
Why? |
| 52419 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Darryl |
Somebody just needs to get her attention, tell her it's not OK to do this in public. |
| 52420 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Pam |
Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog off a pillow once, and I got bit. |
| 52421 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Meredith |
Just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll finish. |
| 52422 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7793 |
Group |
Ugh. Ew. |
| 52423 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Andy |
What? |
| 52424 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Dwight |
Phyllis is m*st*rb*t*ng. In the office right now as we speak. |
| 52425 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Angela |
Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her? |
| 52426 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Toby |
He- he can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it. |
| 52427 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Group |
No! |
| 52428 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Oscar |
Toby, how do you propose that we- |
| 52429 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Andy |
hoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused? |
| 52430 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Pam |
She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey. |
| 52431 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Andy |
Well there you go. That's muy caliente. |
| 52432 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Dwight |
OK, you are useless. I'll take care of this. |
| 52433 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Phyllis |
What the hell?! |
| 52434 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Dwight |
It's OK guys, she's no longer horny. |
| 52435 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Andy |
Excuse me, dirty birdie |
| 52436 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Phyllis |
Wait, what? |
| 52437 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7794 |
Andy |
You can have this back at the end of the day. Oh!! |
| 52438 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles. |
| 52439 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
What's her name? |
| 52440 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
Esther Ruger. |
| 52441 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
Sweet. |
| 52442 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres. |
| 52443 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
Oh yeah. Keep talkin'. |
| 52444 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
Well, we've been out three times, there has been physicality but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me. |
| 52445 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
Oh. |
| 52446 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
What do you think? |
| 52447 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
The same thing that you think. |
| 52448 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Dwight |
A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship. |
| 52449 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Clark |
God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air. |
| 52450 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7795 |
Angela |
Here you go. And good for you Dwight, I'm so glad you found someone. I bet she's got kind eyes. |
| 52451 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7796 |
Angela |
Dwight is dating a brussel sprout farmer named Esther. She's coming here this afternoon with her father. Who knows? Maybe she'll be pulling the horse cart! |
| 52452 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Cici has been calling me 'Pamela'. Like four times this week. |
| 52453 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Oh man. |
| 52454 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
I wonder if she'll start calling you 'Jim'. |
| 52455 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Oh boy, please don't. Let's not let that happen. |
| 52456 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Um. |
| 52457 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
What was I gonna- What was I gonna say? |
| 52458 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
You're- You know your assistant told me that you have a big pitch meeting today. With Ryan Howard. How did that happen? |
| 52459 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Not that Ryan Howard. Um, the Phillies' first baseman. |
| 52460 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Oh, oh OK. |
| 52461 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Yeah, yeah. Exactly. |
| 52462 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Um, Ok. Well? |
| 52463 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Yeah. So, uh, I'll uh, talk to you later? |
| 52464 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Yeah, sounds good. Ok. |
| 52465 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Ok great. |
| 52466 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 52467 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 52468 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7797 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 52469 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7798 |
Kevin |
What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song? |
| 52470 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7798 |
Oscar |
There's a promo for the new documentary on the web. |
| 52471 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7798 |
Phyllis |
Play it again. |
| 52472 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7798 |
Promo Voice |
The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA. |
| 52473 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7798 |
Kevin |
Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes. |
| 52474 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7799 |
Kevin |
This is a documentary? Oh, I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo. |
| 52475 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7800 |
Kevin |
Did you see this? |
| 52476 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7800 |
Angela |
Your screen is all black. You just unplugged your computer. |
| 52477 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7801 |
Clark |
Oh my god, is that you and Jim? |
| 52478 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7801 |
Pam |
Uh huh. |
| 52479 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7801 |
Clark |
Jeez, you fell in love with that hair? Really? Yikes. That is awful. |
| 52480 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7801 |
Pam |
It wasn't so bad. |
| 52481 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7801 |
Andy |
Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler? |
| 52482 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7802 |
Jim |
Hey man, how you doin'? Jim Halpert. |
| 52483 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7802 |
Ryan Howard |
Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh. |
| 52484 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7802 |
Darryl |
Hey, man. Darryl. |
| 52485 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7802 |
Ryan Howard |
Hey there, Ryan. Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh. Eat Fresh. |
| 52486 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7802 |
Jim |
Let's go to the conference room. |
| 52487 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7803 |
Dwight |
Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. Let's see, I know she likes apples and carrots. |
| 52488 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7803 |
Angela |
I bet she does. I bet she'll eat them right out of your hand with those big strong teeth. |
| 52489 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7803 |
Dwight |
Did I tell you about her teeth? |
| 52490 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7803 |
Erin |
Hey Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper. |
| 52491 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7803 |
Angela |
Yes. |
| 52492 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7804 |
Dwight |
Ah, the Ruger family. Welcome. |
| 52493 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7804 |
Mr. Ruger |
Fine office you have here. Sturdy walls. |
| 52494 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7804 |
Dwight |
Yes. Esther, you look radiant as always. |
| 52495 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7804 |
Esther |
Thank you. |
| 52496 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7805 |
Angela |
I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean if there are chubby chasers, then there are men that like that....thing. |
| 52497 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7806 |
Pam |
Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. Some of us have changed so much. |
| 52498 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7806 |
Stanley |
We've all changed. |
| 52499 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
With our firm, you'll be building equity for long after they've retired your number. |
| 52500 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Darryl |
And we all know, baseball does not last forever. |
| 52501 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
I look at these actors on TV and I think: "C'mon, I can do that." |
| 52502 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Right? |
| 52503 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
Watch this: Eat Fresh. Now what does that make you think of? |
| 52504 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Darryl |
Subway sandwiches. |
| 52505 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Yep. |
| 52506 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
How? I didn't say Subway sandwiches. It's called playing the subtext. |
| 52507 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Wow. |
| 52508 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
I actually wrote a screenplay, it's called "The Big Piece" |
| 52509 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Based on his nickname. Like it already. Let me guess, it's autobiographical. |
| 52510 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
Half biopic and half superhero movie. A mild mannered professional baseball player, Ryan Howard- |
| 52511 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
OK |
| 52512 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
#NAME? |
| 52513 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Darryl |
The space dust does it. |
| 52514 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Space dust. |
| 52515 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Darryl |
Yeah. |
| 52516 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Ryan Howard |
I actually brought a- some copies of my script if you guys wanna read it together. |
| 52517 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Sure, yeah. Hollywood. Alright. |
| 52518 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Darryl |
Wow. Yeah, we gonna read it. |
| 52519 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7807 |
Jim |
Ok, great. |
| 52520 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Kevin |
Andy, are there documentary groupies? |
| 52521 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Andy |
Of course there are! |
| 52522 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Kevin |
Of course. |
| 52523 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Toby |
A little ironic that I'm going to be kind of a TV star, because my last Chad Flendermen novel was based on a murdered TV star. The small screen- |
| 52524 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Nellie |
Oh, I don't care. |
| 52525 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Oscar |
Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark. |
| 52526 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7808 |
Pam |
Oh my god! |
| 52527 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Kevin |
What was that word they said when they showed me "Skrald mand"? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy? |
| 52528 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Oscar |
Dumpster Man. |
| 52529 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Kevin |
Cool. Superhero. |
| 52530 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Angela |
What about me? "Klokken tre pige" |
| 52531 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Oscar |
"Three PM Girl" |
| 52532 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Angela |
What? Why would they...wait a second, wait a second! What was that? Oh! I didn't know they were filming then! |
| 52533 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Oscar |
It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves. |
| 52534 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Phyllis |
Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it? |
| 52535 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7809 |
Angela |
Oh my god. |
| 52536 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Angela |
There was much more secret filming than I expected. But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am. |
| 52537 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Oscar |
Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage. |
| 52538 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Meredith |
I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? Boob sauce! |
| 52539 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Group |
No! |
| 52540 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Oscar |
Meredith! |
| 52541 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Angela |
Come on! |
| 52542 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Nellie |
Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping? |
| 52543 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Oscar |
Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV! |
| 52544 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Erin |
Hey. |
| 52545 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Angela |
Oscar. |
| 52546 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7810 |
Oscar |
I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out. |
| 52547 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7811 |
Oscar |
I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you? |
| 52548 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Andy |
People, relax! We are killing it online. Have you guys checked the comments? SmokeThatSkinwagon says: "You guys are killing it!" I mean, we're internet sensations guys! |
| 52549 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Angela |
I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk. |
| 52550 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Stanley |
Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea. |
| 52551 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Oscar |
Ok everyone, turn off your mikes. |
| 52552 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Angela |
We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape? |
| 52553 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Erin |
I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that? |
| 52554 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Nellie |
My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more I thought I'd get more screen time than anyone. |
| 52555 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Pete |
Ok, Pam. Why don't you visit your buddy, the crew guy that got fired? Find out what they got. |
| 52556 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Pam |
Brian? |
| 52557 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Pete |
Yeah. |
| 52558 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Pam |
Yeah, I guess I could. |
| 52559 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Stanley |
Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me. |
| 52560 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Phyllis |
I thought Terry knew about Cynthia? |
| 52561 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Stanley |
She does. But neither of them know about Lydia. |
| 52562 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Group |
Oh! |
| 52563 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7812 |
Meredith |
Wow. |
| 52564 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Clark |
Whoa! Whoa! OK, so what's this lever do? |
| 52565 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Ruger Sister 1 |
That manipulates the secondary shaft. |
| 52566 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Clark |
Oh, the secondary shaft. Eeeh, oooga! |
| 52567 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Salesmen |
The lift capacity's up at two thousand pounds. That's a lot of beets. |
| 52568 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Mr. Ruger |
Let's talk terms. If you agree to a forty sixty split on this tractor, I'll store it in one of my barns. |
| 52569 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Dwight |
Mr. Ruger, are you trying to take advantage of me because I'm interested in your daughter? Fifty fifty split or no deal. |
| 52570 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Mr. Ruger |
Esther, get in the truck. |
| 52571 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Dwight |
Ok ok ok, wait! You win. |
| 52572 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7813 |
Salesman |
Let's get the paperwork started. |
| 52573 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7814 |
Ruger Sister 2 |
We should buy an auger together. |
| 52574 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7814 |
Clark |
Oh, yeah. Yeah. |
| 52575 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7814 |
Ruger Sister 1 |
You would be a great one to buy an auger with. |
| 52576 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7815 |
Stanley |
Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man, he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring. |
| 52577 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7816 |
Andy |
Oh! Seven new comments. "The guy at 0:19 is hawt!" "Hi Bongripper, it's me, Andy. The guy from 0:19, I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. I really enjoyed your comment, going to read some more comments now. Have a great day!" "He's not hawt, he's gay." "Dear JasonJasonJason, it's me, Andy. Nice name. Not! Guess what? I'm not gay! So you are an IDIOT. And I am hawt, according to people on this site who have a brain. Never comment on this page ever again." "He is hawt!" See, thank you, that's more like it. "He is butt." God dammit! I'm about to lose my FREAKING MIND! Screw you TexasPoonTappa! Uh! |
| 52578 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
Security deposit. That's been- |
| 52579 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Mr. Ruger |
Standard. |
| 52580 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
Right, standard. |
| 52581 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
Hey, can I talk to you for one second? |
| 52582 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 52583 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
One second. |
| 52584 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 52585 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
One second. |
| 52586 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate. |
| 52587 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
Don't do it. |
| 52588 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Ok, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off. |
| 52589 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
Dude, we're being conned. |
| 52590 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
Go on. |
| 52591 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor. |
| 52592 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 52593 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her. |
| 52594 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now? |
| 52595 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Clark |
I don't even know what an auger is! |
| 52596 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is. |
| 52597 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Mr. Ruger |
Hey, you ready to sign? |
| 52598 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7817 |
Dwight |
I just need a moment to consider your offer. Excuse me. |
| 52599 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Oh, hey! |
| 52600 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 52601 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Hi. |
| 52602 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Hi, um. I'm sorry, do you have a minute? Is this a bad time? |
| 52603 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
No, no, please, yeah, come on in. It's good to see you. Sorry, my place is usually not this- |
| 52604 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Oh my gosh, please, don't. |
| 52605 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Yeah, no, I- actually it's always like this. Do you want to go outside? It's a little less cluttered out there. |
| 52606 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Sure, yeah. Yeah. |
| 52607 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Let me grab a couple drinks. |
| 52608 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
OK. Oh wow, you have a nice view. |
| 52609 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Alright, that's for you. |
| 52610 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you. |
| 52611 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Brian |
Cheers. |
| 52612 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7818 |
Pam |
Cheers. |
| 52613 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Alright, how much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the senator? |
| 52614 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
They caught us kissing on Halloween. |
| 52615 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Oh! He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! |
| 52616 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
Oh! |
| 52617 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
God! |
| 52618 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
Angela! Well he kissed like Jack Kennedy! |
| 52619 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Oh! Stop it! Stop kissing him! Someone needs to call and warn him. This could ruin his career. |
| 52620 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
Well, I don't like giving him bad news. |
| 52621 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Call him! |
| 52622 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
You call him! |
| 52623 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Call him! |
| 52624 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
Stop hitting me! |
| 52625 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Angela |
Call him! Call him! |
| 52626 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7819 |
Oscar |
No! |
| 52627 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
So... |
| 52628 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
So.. |
| 52629 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
What brings you by? |
| 52630 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Well, the promo for the documentary aired today. |
| 52631 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Oh yeah, that's right. |
| 52632 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Yeah. It's kinda crazy. |
| 52633 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Yeah, it is. |
| 52634 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
See all this like old stuff, like um, there's that shot of Jim and I up on the roof? |
| 52635 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Oh yeah, that was, that was a good moment. |
| 52636 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Yeah, wasn't that neat? |
| 52637 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Yeah, it was cool. |
| 52638 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Yeah, and there's this one when we were listening to music and it's like, it's like w were in love and we didn't even know we were in love and it's...but- Do you think Jim's changed? |
| 52639 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Um... |
| 52640 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. Did that? That was out of the blue- |
| 52641 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
No no, it's- |
| 52642 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
I just mean because you know us and you like observed us for ten years and I feel like he's- I just feel like...he's so into his work right now and....I don't know, am I crazy? |
| 52643 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
No, you're not crazy. |
| 52644 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Well, I wish that made me feel better. Listen, so everybody saw the promos and they're kinda freaking out. Cause it seems like you got a lot of private stuff on camera- |
| 52645 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Yeah. |
| 52646 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
You know, stuff people didn't intend for everyone to see. And they kinda want to know how much. |
| 52647 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
They want to know how much what? |
| 52648 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
How much stuff you got. |
| 52649 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Pretty much everything. |
| 52650 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Well yeah, but what if we turned our mike packs? |
| 52651 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
They've got parabolic mikes, they can pick you up a hundred yards away, so...no if you were around there, they got you. |
| 52652 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
So we basically had no privacy for ten years. |
| 52653 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
That's not really true, I mean- |
| 52654 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
Um...yeah, I gotta, I gotta go. |
| 52655 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Oh no, hang on a second. Pam, I'm sorry, I- I- I can explain this so much better. |
| 52656 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Pam |
No I think you explained it. |
| 52657 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7820 |
Brian |
Look, if you give me a chance I can, I- Pam. |
| 52658 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
"Together we will win this baseball game against the evil space Yankees. Eat Fresh." |
| 52659 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
That'll pay for the exploding helicopter. |
| 52660 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
Smart. |
| 52661 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
"Suddenly, the evil thugs break in to the stadium. The Big Piece hits baseballs at the evil thugs." |
| 52662 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
"Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks." |
| 52663 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
Come on man, sell it! |
| 52664 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Darryl |
Yeah, Jim. |
| 52665 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
"Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!" |
| 52666 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
Yeah, that's better. A bunch of hot women go: "Oh yeah!" |
| 52667 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
"Megan, I was too shy to tell you this when I was just a normal professional baseball player, but I love you." |
| 52668 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
"They kiss. It is super emotional. Like in Toy Story." |
| 52669 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
Wow. I tell you what, it's really strong. I can't wait to read the rest of it later and see how it ends. |
| 52670 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Darryl |
It's so strong. |
| 52671 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
Keep reading then. |
| 52672 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
"Gotta go! Darth Vader's launching a huge attack." |
| 52673 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
Um another thing. I'm gonna need you to get me the rights to Darth Vader. |
| 52674 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
I don't know how we'd go about doing that. |
| 52675 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Darryl |
We can look into it. |
| 52676 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
We'll look into it. |
| 52677 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Ryan Howard |
We need Darth. |
| 52678 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
We gotta get him. |
| 52679 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Darryl |
We'll go after Darth then. |
| 52680 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
We're gonna go get him. |
| 52681 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Darryl |
That's what we gotta do. |
| 52682 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7821 |
Jim |
We're gonna get him. |
| 52683 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me. |
| 52684 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Clark |
A Scranton nine, but yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours huh? I mean there are no games with fours. |
| 52685 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy. |
| 52686 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Clark |
Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way. |
| 52687 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
By hand. |
| 52688 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
Dwight, we need to talk. |
| 52689 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
I don't know that there's anything left for us to talk about, Esther. |
| 52690 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount of work days but my dad is planning on leasing it to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends. |
| 52691 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
No. |
| 52692 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
So you're going to be paying more, but he's putting on ten times the miles and he's pocketing a profit behind your back. |
| 52693 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
That snake! |
| 52694 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles or he can just stick that tractor where the sun don't shine. |
| 52695 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
That shady grove out by Willard's pond. |
| 52696 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
Mmhm. |
| 52697 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
So, you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? I mean, our courtship can proceed? |
| 52698 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
Of course. You didn't just think I was tractor bait, did you? |
| 52699 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
No! |
| 52700 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Clark |
Hey Dwight, what's an auger used for? |
| 52701 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Dwight |
Post hole digging. |
| 52702 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7822 |
Esther |
Stupid. |
| 52703 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Senator |
You've reached Senator Robert Lipton, please leave a message. |
| 52704 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela, Oscar |
Hi honey! |
| 52705 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Oh you? |
| 52706 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
No you go. Hi honey! |
| 52707 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Hey, Hey Robert! |
| 52708 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
It's Angela and Oscar. |
| 52709 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Hey. |
| 52710 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Just a few quick things. |
| 52711 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Um the documentary's going to be airing soon, and, and you look great in the promos. |
| 52712 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Oh you look so handsome! Very presidential. |
| 52713 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Very much so. |
| 52714 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Yeah. |
| 52715 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Absolutely. |
| 52716 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Yeah! |
| 52717 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay. |
| 52718 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Yes and I cheated on you with Dwight, it looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it. |
| 52719 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
I think that's it! |
| 52720 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
I think we're good. |
| 52721 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Done! |
| 52722 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Bye! |
| 52723 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Oscar |
Ok! |
| 52724 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7823 |
Angela |
Love you! God. |
| 52725 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7824 |
Andy |
Hey! TexasPoonTappa and JasonJasonJason and all the rest of you haters out there! Check this out. |
| 52726 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7824 |
Nellie |
Good night Andy. |
| 52727 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7824 |
Andy |
Huh? Yeah, see ya. Oh! What?! |
| 52728 |
9 |
18 |
Promos |
7825 |
Pam |
I hope you got sound on everything. I'd love a DVD of that. |
| 52729 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7826 |
Stanley |
What the hell? No. This is NOT happening. |
| 52730 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7826 |
Erin |
Didn't you get the memo? It's Stairmageddon! Come on Stanley! |
| 52731 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7827 |
Erin |
Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today, and he was really on top of it. Weeks ago, he started the Stairmageddon Awareness campaign. The idea was to get us prepared, both mentally and physically, for a day that hopefully comes once in a 100 years. It's a... "Mageddon!" |
| 52732 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7828 |
Erin |
Come on! Come on, Stanley! Stay in it! |
| 52733 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7828 |
Stanley |
I put 17 damn years into this company, and now they're making me climb Stair Mountain! |
| 52734 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7828 |
Erin |
Come on! |
| 52735 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7829 |
Oscar |
Our office has an unusually large number of... unusually large people. |
| 52736 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7830 |
Stanley |
This is an abomination. |
| 52737 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7830 |
Erin |
Come on. You got this. Here. |
| 52738 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7831 |
Oscar |
So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time. |
| 52739 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Andy |
Red alert! Red alert! The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in. |
| 52740 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Oscar |
What? |
| 52741 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Andy |
I just got a text from my brother. Scranton Times Tribune.com. There's a review of the documentary! |
| 52742 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Phyllis |
What does it say? |
| 52743 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Andy |
I don't know, Phyllis! I just got the text and started screaming, "Red Alert." |
| 52744 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Dwight |
Well, the alert was already set to "Red" because of Stairmageddon. You think I should set it to "Double Red"? |
| 52745 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7832 |
Andy |
I think we should. |
| 52746 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7833 |
Oscar |
"The Office: An American Workplace airing on PBS next month is a documentary following the employees of Scranton's own Dunder Mifflin Paper Company!" |
| 52747 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7833 |
Everyone |
Whoo! |
| 52748 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7833 |
Nellie |
"In this series, which will air starting in May, we get an in-depth look at many interesting local people. There's Kevin Malone, the falstaffian accountant. Dwight Schrute, the head salesman forever chasing a manager position he will never get." |
| 52749 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7834 |
Dwight |
What does Josh McAuliffe know about the paper business? He works for a news...thing. |
| 52750 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Nellie |
"Andy Bernard, the rudderless trust fund child-slash-middle manager, whose incompetence is emblematic of a declining American economy." |
| 52751 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Phyllis |
Ouch. Sorry, Andy, that's-. |
| 52752 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Andy |
It's okay. The hell does he know? |
| 52753 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Nellie |
"A possible explanation for his lack of career focus is his surprising musical talent." |
| 52754 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Andy |
I want you to print that out for me. |
| 52755 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7835 |
Nellie |
I will. |
| 52756 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7836 |
Andy |
Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited. And you know what? Good. Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb. |
| 52757 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Erin |
"Though it mostly focuses on the daily realities of office life, a lurid subplot reveals the hypocrisy of a local public figure embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values." |
| 52758 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Nellie |
Oh! Which public figure? |
| 52759 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Erin |
I bet it's Katie Couric. I've been saying this for years. |
| 52760 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Phyllis |
No, I think they mean more like a politician. |
| 52761 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Stanley |
You own the building. Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? Who do I look like? Jackie Joyner-Kersee? |
| 52762 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Dwight |
Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. It's time to go out on a sale! Here we go. |
| 52763 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Stanley |
Son, you've lost your mind. I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator. |
| 52764 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Dwight |
The buyer is your sister's friend. This is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. You are coming, and that's an order. |
| 52765 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Stanley |
You are not my damn boss and you never will be! Guess what? Never gonna happen! Pete! Iced tea. Three sugars, five creams. |
| 52766 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7837 |
Pete |
Your morning 3-by-5. Coming right up. |
| 52767 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7838 |
Pam |
Well, we won't be late. I love you, mom. Thanks. |
| 52768 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7838 |
Nellie |
Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight. So what are you two up to? Oh, um, Embassy Suites. "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Mommy and Daddy are on the floor. |
| 52769 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7838 |
Pam |
I wish. |
| 52770 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7838 |
Nellie |
What, then? |
| 52771 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7838 |
Pam |
Oh, nothing that exciting. |
| 52772 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Nellie |
Marriage counseling? |
| 52773 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Pam |
Hmm. |
| 52774 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Nellie |
Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had? |
| 52775 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Pam |
You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it, but I think it could really help. |
| 52776 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Nellie |
Mmm. |
| 52777 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7839 |
Pam |
I mean, we've having issues. It can't hurt to talk about them, right? |
| 52778 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
Hey, Toby. Um, I wanted to ask you a question. |
| 52779 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Oh, sure. |
| 52780 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
It's a little, uh, personal. |
| 52781 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Let's do it. Let's get personal. |
| 52782 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
I wanted to talk to you about your divorce. |
| 52783 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Whoa. |
| 52784 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
Sorry. Iâno, no, no, what I meantâwhat I meant actually wasâ |
| 52785 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Oh, yeah, no, it's okay. I can handle it. Um, so... |
| 52786 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
You guys obviously went through some tough times leading up to it. |
| 52787 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
Okay. I was wondering if you ever did any couple's counseling. |
| 52788 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Oh, sure, lots of times. Yeah. Wait, you and Pam aren't in couple's counseling, are you? Oh, God. |
| 52789 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
No, no, no, no, no. Uh, we're just starting couple's counseling. Uh, which doesn't sound any better. |
| 52790 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Oh, you guys. Kelly called it. 2013. So sâhey! Hey! Hey, no! No! Get outta here. Clark, get outta here. |
| 52791 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Clark |
My mistake. |
| 52792 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Toby |
Yes, it is your mistake. He's lingering. So annoying. I'm gonna kill him. How can I help? I'm here. |
| 52793 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7840 |
Jim |
That's all right. |
| 52794 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7841 |
Andy |
Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak with your best agent who represents your biggest stars. Yes, I'll hold. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Goodbye. |
| 52795 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7842 |
Angela |
Thank you, Stan. Oh, honey.  Look, I just want our life to get back to normal. Ribbon cuttings, charity balls. |
| 52796 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7842 |
Robert |
Don't worry. I've scheduled a press conference for later today. We just need to face the camera together. A beloved public servant and his devoted wife. And move on. |
| 52797 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7842 |
Angela |
All right, if I have to be the good wife, I'll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry, I'm a better wife than that. |
| 52798 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Dwight |
Andyâ I need to talk to you. |
| 52799 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Andy |
Yeah, come on in. I'm just on hold with another talent agency. It's insane. This promo with me playing banjo has 250 views already. And every time I click, there's more. 251. 252. I can't even keep up! |
| 52800 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Dwight |
Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call. |
| 52801 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Andy |
I hate people! Why do they never do what you need them to do? Stanley has to go. That's final. |
| 52802 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Dwight |
So what I'm hearing you say is, "Make Stanley go out on the sales call by whatever means possible"? |
| 52803 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Andy |
Yes! I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just I'm about to land a top talent agent. |
| 52804 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Dwight |
Mm-hmm. Good luck. |
| 52805 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7843 |
Andy |
Directory? Movie Star department. Back. Directory. |
| 52806 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7844 |
Dwight |
For five years I've held my instincts in check because I wanted to be made manager. Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go. It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing in a way. Now it's all about my instincts. |
| 52807 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Clark |
Hey, Dwight. |
| 52808 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Dwight |
Stanley, one way or another, you are gonna come with me to make this sale. |
| 52809 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Stanley |
Pass. |
| 52810 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Clark |
Hey, c-c-can you just let me out of here before whatever comes next? |
| 52811 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Dwight |
Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer. Nothing to be alarmed about. It's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a coworker. |
| 52812 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Stanley |
Dwight, you do not learn, do you? For a threat to be credible, you haâ |
| 52813 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Clark |
Holy . |
| 52814 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Stanley |
No, you didn't. Sick of you and yourâoohâ |
| 52815 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7845 |
Dwight |
It's all right. Andy approved it. |
| 52816 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Meredith |
Man, he's really in twinkle town now. |
| 52817 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Clark |
Is he gonna be okay? I mean, weren't those darts intended for an animal, like, two to three times larger than him? |
| 52818 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Dwight |
Okay, this dosage was meant for a very small bull, and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do. |
| 52819 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Clark |
You gave him three shots. |
| 52820 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Dwight |
Shh. Got about 45 minutes to get him to the client before he comes to. Grab his feet. Let's go! |
| 52821 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Clark |
All right. |
| 52822 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7846 |
Dwight |
Move it! One, two, three. |
| 52823 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7847 |
Dwight |
He's like a manatee. Ready? Let's go again. Come on. We can do this. One, two, three! Oh, God. No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain. |
| 52824 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7847 |
Clark |
We gotta get a wheelbarrow or something. |
| 52825 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7847 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 52826 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7848 |
Dwight |
Okay, we're good. We're good. Let's go. Push! |
| 52827 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7848 |
Clark |
I am! |
| 52828 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
Any good weekend plans? |
| 52829 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
I might see a movie. |
| 52830 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
Nice. |
| 52831 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
What about you? |
| 52832 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
Uh, I don't know yet. |
| 52833 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
Let's take himâ |
| 52834 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
I was thinking about... |
| 52835 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
Let's go right to the top of the stairs, okay? |
| 52836 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
And then what? |
| 52837 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
Okay, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I've never actually done this before. |
| 52838 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
Well, if I may, you're a natural. |
| 52839 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head like 1,000 times, but, uh... |
| 52840 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Clark |
That's a little weird. |
| 52841 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7849 |
Dwight |
I know. Evel Knievel. |
| 52842 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
That's about as good as that's gonna be. |
| 52843 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
Okay, now here's the plan. I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him. |
| 52844 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
Catch? |
| 52845 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
Yeah. |
| 52846 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
I can't catch him. He's like, 250 pounds. |
| 52847 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
You use your hands and just blunt his descent, okay? He's gonna be moving slowly. It's onlyâ |
| 52848 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
Blunt? |
| 52849 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle. Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicineâ |
| 52850 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
Dude, this size of my haunchesâ |
| 52851 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
Okay. Good call. He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall. |
| 52852 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Clark |
We should probably call a doctor or something, dude. |
| 52853 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7850 |
Dwight |
You okay? |
| 52854 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7851 |
Jim |
So how does it work? It's like, you know, the action of talking to a third party breaks up the log jam, or... |
| 52855 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7851 |
Toby |
You're really there to talk to each other. I would say that the therapist is more of a facilitator. |
| 52856 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7851 |
Jim |
Mm-hmm. |
| 52857 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7851 |
Toby |
He might start by asking each of you, "Why do you think you're here?" |
| 52858 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7852 |
Pam |
He took this job in Philly without telling me. He bought our house without telling me. At a certain point, he shouldn't be rewarded for that. |
| 52859 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7853 |
Jim |
If I didn't do certain things without telling Pam, she'd be married to Roy. |
| 52860 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7854 |
Pam |
I feel like he's always making these decisions for the family, and then I'm left playing catch-up. |
| 52861 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7855 |
Jim |
If she can just hang on for a little while longer, Iâthis will be so huge for our family. |
| 52862 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7855 |
Toby |
Well, what's a little while? |
| 52863 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7855 |
Jim |
What do you mean? |
| 52864 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7855 |
Toby |
I mean, what's the end date? It must be really hard for her to sign on to be unhappy if she doesn't know when it's gonna end. |
| 52865 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7855 |
Jim |
That's kind of an impossible question. |
| 52866 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Erin |
Oh, guys, it's starting! Hurry! |
| 52867 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Kevin |
Ooh, there's Angela! I work with her! |
| 52868 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Andy |
Huh, yeah. I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but it's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it. |
| 52869 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Phyllis |
Her hair looks beautiful. |
| 52870 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Andy |
Yeah, we get it, Phyllis, she looks like a freakin' movie star! |
| 52871 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Erin |
Andy! |
| 52872 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Robert |
I would just to start by saying that there have been some rumors about my personal life that I would like to settle once and for all. As my long-suffering wife can attest... I am gay. |
| 52873 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Reporter #1 |
Senator, were always gay, or did your wife turn you gay? |
| 52874 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7856 |
Reporter #2 |
Question for the Senator's beard. |
| 52875 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Robert |
I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos. Yo soy homosexual. |
| 52876 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Pete |
Poor Angela. |
| 52877 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Phyllis |
Yeah. Poor Angela. |
| 52878 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Robert |
I once believed that a gay person could be somewhat straight. It wasn't until my marriage to Angela that I realized how...charmless I find the female body. |
| 52879 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Meredith |
Oof. Always hurts to hear that one. |
| 52880 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Robert |
There's someone else I need to thank. His name is Oscar Martinez. |
| 52881 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Andy |
Come on! |
| 52882 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Robert |
Oscar is the one who opened my eyes to who I really am. For the first timeâ |
| 52883 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Erin |
Oscar is with the Senator too? |
| 52884 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Kevin |
Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didn't know, you didn't know, and you didn't freaking know. But I knew! |
| 52885 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Oscar |
He knew! |
| 52886 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Kevin |
Yes, we did it! |
| 52887 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Oscar |
You did it, Kevin. |
| 52888 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Kevin |
Yes! Ohh! I did it. Ohh, I did it. |
| 52889 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Robert |
#NAME? |
| 52890 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Oscar |
What?! |
| 52891 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Creed |
Wesley Silver's gay? |
| 52892 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Kevin |
Ohh. |
| 52893 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7857 |
Creed |
They make a nice couple. |
| 52894 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Dwight |
Almost there. Almost there. Okay. We're running late. Let's get him inside. |
| 52895 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Clark |
We can't just leave him bubble wrapped like this. |
| 52896 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Dwight |
Are you kidding me? The bubble wrap is the only thing that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled. These meetings are all about presentation. |
| 52897 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Clark |
That's actually really smart. |
| 52898 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 52899 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Clark |
God, if only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge. |
| 52900 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7858 |
Dwight |
Let's get him inside. |
| 52901 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7859 |
Andy |
Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent. She does writers, directors, travel, and real estate. |
| 52902 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7860 |
Andy |
Actor? |
| 52903 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7860 |
Man |
Oh, no. Well, I have an act. Dog, cat, mouse. |
| 52904 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7860 |
Andy |
Yeah, wow, cool. Is it hard to train them to do that? |
| 52905 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7860 |
Man |
Eh, you go through a lot of mice. |
| 52906 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7861 |
Man |
If started by accident as these things tend to do. You know, I was setting down my cat, and I accidently put her on top of my dog, and I was, like, so mad at myself at first. And then I was, like, wait. Wait a second. |
| 52907 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Andy |
Does anything go on top of the mouse? |
| 52908 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Man |
Yeah. Little hat. |
| 52909 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Andy |
Aw, that's cute. |
| 52910 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Man |
Yeah. |
| 52911 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Andy |
What's the mouse's name? |
| 52912 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7862 |
Man |
Eh, you know, it really doesn't make sense to name the mice. They're kinda like cannon fodder, you know? You're not one of those PETA guys , are you? Oh, great. |
| 52913 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Clark |
Hey, wait, wait, howâhow are we doing this? |
| 52914 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Dwight |
Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters. |
| 52915 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Clark |
Just say "arms" and "legs," okay? That justâthat's the vernacular that I'm comfortable with. |
| 52916 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Dwight |
Fine, let's go. |
| 52917 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Dwight |
Hoist his shank on three. |
| 52918 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Clark |
WhaâWhat's a shank? |
| 52919 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7863 |
Dwight |
It's by the tenderloin. |
| 52920 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Dwight |
Roll him, roll him, roll him. Good. Good. Okay, careful, he's slouching. Okay, can youâsl-slouch him into the seat. Here. Here. Go around and get his seatbelt. |
| 52921 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Clark |
All right. |
| 52922 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Dwight |
Got it? |
| 52923 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Clark |
Yeahâyup yup. |
| 52924 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Dwight |
Get in the back. |
| 52925 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Clark |
What? |
| 52926 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Dwight |
Get in the back. |
| 52927 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Clark |
Aw, come on. |
| 52928 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Dwight |
Get in. |
| 52929 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7864 |
Clark |
Damn it. |
| 52930 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Dwight |
Okay, Stanley? Do you understand what we're about to do? |
| 52931 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Stanley |
Helllloooo! |
| 52932 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Clark |
Okay. We, heyâhey, listen, listen. We are going to go discuss paper contracts for city of Lackawanna public schools, okay? |
| 52933 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Stanley |
Pigeons. |
| 52934 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Dwight |
Oh, God, this is bad. Looks like we've got no choice. You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson. |
| 52935 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Clark |
Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister? |
| 52936 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7865 |
Dwight |
New plan, okay? We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan. Let's go! Gimme a hand. Here we go. Come on, Stanley! Here we go. Upsie-doozie. There we go. Okay, all right. Come on, big guy. You can walk, right? Yeah. What a pretty smile. Let's go. |
| 52937 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7866 |
Pam |
I'm sure Athlead will be a huge success. But I don't want him to do it anymore, and I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I am not moving our family to Philly. |
| 52938 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7867 |
Jim |
Well, if Pam says she won't go, thenâ we're gonna need a lot more than counseling. Hmph. |
| 52939 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Nellie |
That was exhausting. |
| 52940 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Toby |
Blah blah blah blah. Jim. |
| 52941 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Nellie |
Well, they deserve each other, then. |
| 52942 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Toby |
They do. That they do. |
| 52943 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Nellie |
That is for sure. |
| 52944 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7868 |
Toby |
That they do. |
| 52945 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
And forâoh, whoopsie daisy. |
| 52946 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Mrs. Davis |
Stanley, what is going on here? |
| 52947 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
He's fine. He gets carsick really easily. |
| 52948 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Clark |
Driving. |
| 52949 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
It's a long drive. He was in the backseat. But right now we're talking to Mrs. Davis about the full range of the products that we offer and our competitive rates, right, Stanley? |
| 52950 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Stanley |
Ooh-hoo, look at that baby... |
| 52951 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
Stanley. |
| 52952 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Stanley |
Ohhh... |
| 52953 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Mrs. Davis |
That's Benji in the middle. |
| 52954 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Stanley |
That's Benji. Oh, he's precious. That's a healthy-looking baby. |
| 52955 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Mrs. Davis |
Very special little boy. |
| 52956 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
Look at him. I've never seen such a beautiful child. |
| 52957 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Mrs. Davis |
Funny sense of humor. If you push on his nose, he'll go, "eee." |
| 52958 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Dwight |
Like this? Watch. |
| 52959 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Stanley |
Eee. |
| 52960 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Mrs. Davis |
Like that. |
| 52961 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7869 |
Stanley |
A beautiful family. |
| 52962 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7870 |
Dwight |
Right? Come on! |
| 52963 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Dwight |
Yeah, maybe I'll never be manager, but I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman to close a sale with one of our biggest clients, and I must say, it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley. I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis. |
| 52964 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
So, what can you do? |
| 52965 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
Well, what can't I do? Right, I can sing, I can dance, I can play the banjo, innit? And if you hadn't noticed, I've got a pretty good British accent. |
| 52966 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Can you drive a car? |
| 52967 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here. |
| 52968 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Why do you have, uh, a high school musical here on your resume? What are you, like, 40? 45? |
| 52969 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on. |
| 52970 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Gyllenhaal, got it. Can you juggle and crap? |
| 52971 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
Yes. And yes. |
| 52972 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Would you dress up as, say, a birthday clown and go to a kid's party, let â˜em throw pies at ya? |
| 52973 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, I do understand that you have to build credibility. I'm all for it. |
| 52974 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Well, Mr. Bernard, I'm gonna be honest with you. |
| 52975 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much. |
| 52976 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
Uh, no. We'reâwe're gonna take you on as a client. |
| 52977 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Andy |
You are? Yes! Yes. Are you being for real right now? Oh, man. Ah, yes! I need this so bad. I really think this is what could fix me. |
| 52978 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7871 |
Carla |
We are extremely excited to be working with you too, sir. Pay Todd on your way out. |
| 52979 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7872 |
Andy |
Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you, but with Carla you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. And that includes headshots. |
| 52980 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7872 |
Todd |
Uh, it doesn't include headshots. |
| 52981 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7872 |
Andy |
It doesn't include headshots. |
| 52982 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7872 |
Todd |
No. |
| 52983 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7872 |
Andy |
Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. Still getting a bargain, though. |
| 52984 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7873 |
Stanley |
So I just smiled and complimented her grandkids, and we closed it? |
| 52985 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7873 |
Dwight |
You earned yourself a nice, fat commission and you didn't even know it. I'll go tell Andy the good news. Oh. Silly me. Gotta take the stairs. |
| 52986 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7873 |
Stanley |
Oh, no, I'm not doing that again. You got me down, you gotta get me back up. |
| 52987 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7873 |
Dwight |
Wellâno, noânâ |
| 52988 |
9 |
19 |
Stairmageddon |
7873 |
Dwight |
We need a winch and a hoist. |
| 52989 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Erin |
Oh. Hey, champions. |
| 52990 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Toby |
Good morning. |
| 52991 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Clark |
Quater finals in an hour. Hope you got some sleep cause I am going to be haunting your nightmares tonight. |
| 52992 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Erin |
I did. I got some really good sleep. |
| 52993 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Clark |
Did you? |
| 52994 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7874 |
Erin |
Bzzz. |
| 52995 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7875 |
Dwight |
Yesterday was the first round of a branch wide paper airplane contest. It was being sponsored by Weyer-Hammer Paper in an effort to get us to sell more of their new product Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper. It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean. Practically made of plastic. |
| 52996 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7876 |
Nellie |
We started with sixteen brave aviators. Some use skill , others relied on showmanship others seem not to comprehend what a paper airplane is. And of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster. |
| 52997 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7877 |
Toby |
Hey I left my glasses down here somewhere. Crossing through, beep beep. |
| 52998 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7877 |
Toby |
Ow! Ow! |
| 52999 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7877 |
Pam |
I didn't see you! You should have yelled "Crossing!" |
| 53000 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7877 |
Toby |
I'm sorry! |
| 53001 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7877 |
Pam |
Ok, so is that my spot? |
| 53002 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7878 |
Nellie |
We are now down to an elite eight. Well, seven and Toby. |
| 53003 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7879 |
Andy |
Be careful of that beaker, it contains dangerous acid! |
| 53004 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7879 |
Darryl |
It does not say dangerous. And there's no exclamation point. |
| 53005 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7879 |
Andy |
Well I'm just trying to bring some life to it. |
| 53006 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7880 |
Andy |
Last week I got an agent and uh, this week I got a movie. HRPDC chemical handling protocols. It's gonna be seen by tons of workers in the industrial chemical community. One of whom could have a cousin whose brother's Brad Pitt. And boom, next thing you know, I'm in Moneyballs Two. |
| 53007 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Toby |
Andy? |
| 53008 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Andy |
Go away, we're running lines. |
| 53009 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Toby |
You wanted to see the gooey eye. |
| 53010 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Andy |
Oh yeah. Alright, get over here. I am so freaked out by things going into eyes. I just- wow. Uggggh! I can't even, I'm so freaked out by that, just go. Go go go go go. |
| 53011 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Toby |
Alright, it's getting gooier so we'll just do it later. |
| 53012 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Andy |
Yeah, Ok. Alright. Where were we? |
| 53013 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Darryl |
Something full of acid. |
| 53014 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Andy |
And remember: Do not attempt to extinguish a chemical fire with water. You will only exacerbate the flame. The dangerous flame. |
| 53015 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Darryl |
That was great man. Alright, I'm out of here. |
| 53016 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7881 |
Andy |
W-w-w-wait. Stop stop stop. Don't go anywhere. I just need to find more colors. Let's do it six more times. |
| 53017 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7882 |
Jim |
Hey. I just wanted to say that you woke up early with the kids and let me sleep and I really appreciate that. |
| 53018 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7882 |
Pam |
Thank you. I appreciate that you appreciate that. |
| 53019 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Pam |
So, we had couple's therapy. |
| 53020 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Jim |
No shame in that. Get it all out in the open. |
| 53021 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Pam |
And we have homework. |
| 53022 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Jim |
Yes, we are supposed to look for every chance to acknowledge and appreciate each other's sacrifices. Because I need to appreciate what Pam's been doing to run the house while I'm in Philly. |
| 53023 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Pam |
And we're also supposed to speak our truths. |
| 53024 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Jim |
Mmhm. |
| 53025 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Pam |
Because if I had spoken my truth sooner about not wanting to move to Philly, then maybe we wouldn't have had this opportunity for couple's therapy. |
| 53026 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7883 |
Jim |
Oh, we're supposed to call everything we don't want to do "opportunities." |
| 53027 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Andy |
Heads up everyone. If you really need something from me today, let's get it done tomorrow. Carla Fern got me a gig. |
| 53028 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Pam |
Hey! |
| 53029 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 53030 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Stanley |
Who's Carla Fern? |
| 53031 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Andy |
Who is Carla Fern? Well, wow. Uh, she's my agent and my drill sargent. And one of my best friends. Oh, and Oscar, I already figured it out. If I have to get emotional in the film, I'm just going to think about you getting dumped by the Senator. |
| 53032 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Oscar |
Why wouldn't you use your own life? Erin just dumped you. |
| 53033 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Andy |
Little raw. Not cool Oscar. |
| 53034 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Oscar |
But you just! |
| 53035 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Andy |
Not cool. |
| 53036 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Nellie |
Hey. Day two. Drama in the warehouse skies. This is Robert from Weyer-Hammer Paper, who will be joining us to judge the final rounds. |
| 53037 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Robert |
Who's pumped for the quarter finals, huh? |
| 53038 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Dwight |
I'm pumped! |
| 53039 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Erin |
Clark's a dead man. |
| 53040 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Robert |
Alright. Sounds like somebody wants to walk away with this. |
| 53041 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Angela |
Oh my god! |
| 53042 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Group |
Whoa. |
| 53043 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Angela |
Nellie you didn't tell us we could win money. |
| 53044 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Nellie |
Oh yes I did, I told you all. It was..um, cause that's an awful lot of money for me to forget. |
| 53045 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7884 |
Stanley |
Not one of us remembers you saying anything about two thousand dollars. |
| 53046 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7885 |
Nellie |
I forgot. I completely forgot. But at least now that large piece of cardboard that man was carrying around makes sense. |
| 53047 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7886 |
Erin |
Nellie, this is a competition. Please take it seriously. |
| 53048 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7886 |
Nellie |
Oh please. |
| 53049 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7887 |
Angela |
Me? Oh, I'm fine. I mean, sure, times are leaner now that I'm separated from the Senator. But my new studio apartment is just fine for me.. and Phillip... and Tinky... and Crinklepuss, and Bandit 2, and Pawlick Baggins, and Lady Aragorn and their 10 kittens. |
| 53050 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7888 |
Angela |
Come here, come here. Let's go. |
| 53051 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7889 |
Angela |
I had a chance with Dwight, but I didn't take it. And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer. |
| 53052 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7890 |
Dwight |
I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent. |
| 53053 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7891 |
Clark |
Oh, wide wings, interesting. |
| 53054 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7891 |
Erin |
Hey. Why don't you back off?...I mean best of luck to you in the competition. |
| 53055 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7892 |
Erin |
Growing up in an orphanage, you have to fight other kids. For everything. Snacks, pillows, parents. I'm kinda worried about Pete seeing that side of me. I once ripped greedy Susan's pigtail right off her head. Just for a handful of Crispix. |
| 53056 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7893 |
Carla Fern |
Are you in that paper documentary too? |
| 53057 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7893 |
Darryl |
Yep. |
| 53058 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7893 |
Carla Fern |
Do you need an agent? |
| 53059 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7893 |
Andy |
No. He's- I mean, you've never acted in anything before. He's just my entourage. |
| 53060 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7893 |
Darryl |
I was in The Whiz in high school. |
| 53061 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7894 |
Andy |
That's the cleaky clacker! He clicks that and then the guy says "action." |
| 53062 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7894 |
Carla Fern |
Hey, I made them get you a chair. All my clients sit. |
| 53063 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Woman |
Can I take your picture? |
| 53064 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Andy |
I guess it's starting. Um, yeah. Of course. Yeah sure. Tell you what. I'll put my arm around you and then I can take it- |
| 53065 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Woman |
We just need a picture of the top of your head in case we burn some of your hair off. |
| 53066 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Andy |
Got it. |
| 53067 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Woman |
No, if you could just keep it down until.. |
| 53068 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7895 |
Andy |
Sorry. |
| 53069 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Nellie |
OK, next up we have two creatures great and small. Kevin versus Angela. |
| 53070 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 53071 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Dwight |
Hey, that is a really nice plane. You make that yourself? |
| 53072 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
Uh huh. |
| 53073 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Dwight |
Well, what am I thinking? Of course you made that yourself. Cause it's in the rules that you have to fold your own plane. |
| 53074 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
Of course. |
| 53075 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Nellie |
Kevin, did you make that yourself? |
| 53076 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
Yes. In a way. From one that I bought on Craigslist. |
| 53077 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Nellie |
Oh man. |
| 53078 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Dwight |
I call for a refold! |
| 53079 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
No. |
| 53080 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Angela |
Really? Thank you. |
| 53081 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Kevin |
This is flatter. |
| 53082 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7896 |
Dwight |
It's a piece of paper. You fold it into an airplane. |
| 53083 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Nellie |
Ok, that's enough. This is the end of the ring now. You have to pick one. |
| 53084 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Kevin |
I can't. I love them all too much. And, none of them fly. So that makes it harder. |
| 53085 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Nellie |
You have to choose one now. |
| 53086 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Kevin |
Fine. |
| 53087 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Nellie |
Angela advances. |
| 53088 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Erin |
Nice. |
| 53089 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7897 |
Dwight |
Whoo! |
| 53090 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7898 |
Angela |
Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadn't noticed. |
| 53091 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7899 |
Kevin |
I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep making planes until one of them flies. Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher. |
| 53092 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7900 |
Jim |
An Earl Grey tea for the lady. |
| 53093 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7900 |
Pam |
Oh, thank you. I acknowledge and appreciate that you went out of your way to get me tea. |
| 53094 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7900 |
Jim |
Thank you. I like being appreciated. But, to speak my truth, it wasn't out of the way because I felt like a tea anyway. So, one trip. |
| 53095 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7900 |
Pam |
Well, to speak my truth, I switched to coffee in March. There's a new espresso machine. But I still acknowledge and appreciate the gesture. |
| 53096 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Director |
We are rolling and...action! |
| 53097 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. These protocols could save you from severe injury, even death. |
| 53098 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Producer |
Ok, um, stop. Um, why are you smiling so much? |
| 53099 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
Just made a character choice to be a scientist who really likes what he does and enjoys his job. |
| 53100 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Director |
Ok, well maybe no smiling on this one. |
| 53101 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
So how do you want, how should I do it? |
| 53102 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Director |
I don't know, just like you're reporting the news or something. Ok? |
| 53103 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. |
| 53104 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Director |
Ok. |
| 53105 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
It's Tom Brokaw, it's a newscaster. |
| 53106 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Director |
Who was that? |
| 53107 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7901 |
Andy |
Tom Brokaw! |
| 53108 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Dwight |
Come on Clark! |
| 53109 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Angela |
Come on Clark. |
| 53110 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Dwight |
Whoa! |
| 53111 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Erin |
Yeah! Oh! Eat it piggy! Eat it! Oink oink oink oink! |
| 53112 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Clark |
We've still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil. |
| 53113 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Erin |
I can't hear what you said. You got your slop? |
| 53114 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Clark |
You know what, this is completely unnecessary. You already won... |
| 53115 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Pete |
Erin! Erin! Just stop. |
| 53116 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Erin |
What? |
| 53117 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7902 |
Pete |
Relax. |
| 53118 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Nellie |
Next up we have Dwight and Phyllis. |
| 53119 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Bob Vance |
You can do it baby! |
| 53120 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Angela |
No you can't baby! Good luck. |
| 53121 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Dwight |
Watch and learn. |
| 53122 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Erin |
Wow. |
| 53123 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Group |
Oh! |
| 53124 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Nellie |
Dwight defeats Phyllis, Dwight you are through to the semi-finals. |
| 53125 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Dwight |
Yes! |
| 53126 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Angela |
Whoo! |
| 53127 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Dwight |
Oh, Esther. |
| 53128 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Esther |
Hey. |
| 53129 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Dwight |
What are you- You're here early. |
| 53130 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Esther |
Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow. |
| 53131 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Dwight |
I like a little feather in my nuggets. |
| 53132 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Nellie |
Alright ladies and gentlemen, we are down to the final four. Dwight, Erin, Angela and god only knows how, but Toby. One of you will walk away with two thousand dollars. |
| 53133 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7903 |
Erin |
Yeah! |
| 53134 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Director |
Ok here you have just knocked over the beaker, the chemicals splashed in your eye. |
| 53135 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Andy |
Which is insanely painful. |
| 53136 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Director |
Yeah. |
| 53137 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Andy |
And I've already picked a few childhood memories to tap in to, to really express that pain. |
| 53138 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Director |
That's great. So what you're gonna do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just kinda flush out your eyes. You know, get the chemicals out. Alright? |
| 53139 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Andy |
So I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later? |
| 53140 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Director |
What water special effect? |
| 53141 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Producer |
Yeah, yeah just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs. |
| 53142 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Andy |
I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts. I'll get nude if you want me to, I'll go full Lena Dunham but I- |
| 53143 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7904 |
Director |
Dude, we don't need you to go nude, OK? So just do the eyewash, Ok? That's all we're asking. |
| 53144 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Andy |
Darryl, what do I do? |
| 53145 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Darryl |
Hold up, I'm looking at my spit with a microscope. |
| 53146 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Andy |
They want me to use real water in the eye wash scene. |
| 53147 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Darryl |
So? |
| 53148 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Andy |
I can't squirt stuff in my eyeball. I've never even used an eye dropper. |
| 53149 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Production Assistant |
So Andy, so you know how to use this. You step on the pedal, water squirts in your eyes. |
| 53150 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7905 |
Andy |
Carla! Carla! |
| 53151 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Nellie |
It is time for a little T & A. I give you: Toby and Angela. |
| 53152 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Angela |
Oh my god! Oh my god. Ok it's your turn. |
| 53153 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Nellie |
Well, Angela is the winner. |
| 53154 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Angela |
Yes! |
| 53155 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Esther |
Is there a reason that we're excited for that little woman? |
| 53156 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Dwight |
Yes. I pity her. She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all, and instead she lost everything. |
| 53157 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Esther |
Oh. Is she a gambler? |
| 53158 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Dwight |
In a way. But not in a stand up and cheer kind of way, like the song. |
| 53159 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7906 |
Esther |
Hmm. That is sad. |
| 53160 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7907 |
Carla Fern |
Andy! If you don't stick your eyes in that machine, I'm going to call every production in North Eastern Pennsylvania. You won't even make an appearance on a security camera! |
| 53161 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7907 |
Producer |
What's the hold up here? |
| 53162 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7907 |
Director |
The actor's crying. |
| 53163 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7907 |
Producer |
Oh god. |
| 53164 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7908 |
Andy |
She yelled at me. I can't wash my eyeball. I can't do that. I can't. |
| 53165 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7908 |
Darryl |
Andy Bernard can't squirt water in his eye and act like it doesn't freak him out. But you know who can? Older Male Lab Assistant Number One. |
| 53166 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7908 |
Andy |
Do you believe in me? |
| 53167 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7908 |
Darryl |
I believe I want to go home. |
| 53168 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Dwight |
Yeah! Ok! Beat that! Whoo! Ok. |
| 53169 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Erin |
Dammit! Dammit, god. Sorry. Yeah I'm fine. I'm fine. I got mad. Cause I don't like losing. I'm just gonna- Sorry I'm mad! I'm mad, I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money, I was gonna buy you a sweater. It's stupid. Just the whole contest is stupid. That's how it feels. |
| 53170 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Pete |
Yeah. Whoa! |
| 53171 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Erin |
Sorry I'm mad! I don't like losing! I thought I was going to win! |
| 53172 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Pete |
Ok Hey hey hey, whoa. |
| 53173 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7909 |
Erin |
Sorry. Sorry. I'm going to go upstairs and just... |
| 53174 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
Oh, I made us a date to take my mom out to dinner to thank her for all that extra babysitting. |
| 53175 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Jim |
Well, you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to hang out with your mom more. So let me just put this in my calendar. |
| 53176 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
I acknowledge with gratitude that you are being kind and responsible enough to include it in your calendar. |
| 53177 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Jim |
Thank you. Your mom is a treasure. |
| 53178 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
Well, I appreciate that some opportunities can be unpleasant- |
| 53179 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Jim |
Hey that's work, hold on. Hey Wade, did Cole Hamels call back or what? Great. Good. |
| 53180 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
Uh, to speak my truth, I'd appreciate if you hung that up cause we were in the middle of a conversation. I appreciate the sacrifice. |
| 53181 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Jim |
Ok to speak my truth, that was a little sarcastic. I think that's a little unfair. |
| 53182 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
Really? I've been putting the kids to bed by myself every night for a months. And you had to miss one phone call. Is that your truth, Jim? That's really your truth? |
| 53183 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Jim |
I guess I will swallow my truth. |
| 53184 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Clark |
Are you guys high? Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your kind buds. |
| 53185 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7910 |
Pam |
We're not high. |
| 53186 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7911 |
Pam |
I wish we'd started this exercise six months ago. My heart just feels so... blocked up. |
| 53187 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7912 |
Kevin |
The Mark 47 is ready for launch. Less paste. |
| 53188 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Director |
Here we go. Rolling and... action! |
| 53189 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Andy |
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!! |
| 53190 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Director |
And cut. We can fix the sound in post. |
| 53191 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Producer |
Yeah. |
| 53192 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Andy |
I can do a better one. |
| 53193 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Producer |
That's fine, we'll move on. |
| 53194 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Andy |
I said I can do a better one. Darryl... |
| 53195 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Darryl |
Action! |
| 53196 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Andy |
AHH! AHH! AHH! |
| 53197 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Carla Fern |
Kid can act! |
| 53198 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7913 |
Andy |
Yeah! Yeah. |
| 53199 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Nellie |
Each contestant will throw two aeroplanes. |
| 53200 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Dwight |
After you. |
| 53201 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Angela |
Thank you. Oh god! |
| 53202 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Nellie |
Angela's first throw, terrible. Dwight. |
| 53203 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Dwight |
Oh! Oh man! It slipped out of my hand, what a whiff. Ah, how'd that happen? God. |
| 53204 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Esther |
We want you to win. Dwight told me about your situation. It's such a pity. Use the money wisely. |
| 53205 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Dwight |
Alright. |
| 53206 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Angela |
Don't you dare tank this. |
| 53207 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Nellie |
And we have a winner. And it's Dwight. And it is everyone because this is over. |
| 53208 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Creed |
Two grand huh? I know a guy who can turn that into eight hundred dollars. And it's me. |
| 53209 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7914 |
Angela |
Well, I guess you needed the money more than me huh? Use it wisely. |
| 53210 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7915 |
Angela |
I was disappointed in Dwight today. He showed a weakness that was unbecoming. Even if he did do it for me. I don't need pity and I don't need charity. I have my dignity and that's enough. And as long as I have that, I'll be ok. |
| 53211 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7916 |
Jim |
I know this was really weird, and it was really hard. But I think we're making progress. So I'm really sorry that I have to go but let's keep at this. Ok? |
| 53212 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7916 |
Pam |
Ok. |
| 53213 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Pam |
Jim! |
| 53214 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Jim |
Thanks. |
| 53215 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Pam |
Alright, have a good trip. |
| 53216 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Jim |
Bye. |
| 53217 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Pam |
Bye. |
| 53218 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7917 |
Jim |
Hey! I... |
| 53219 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7918 |
Pastor |
Love suffers long and is kind. It is not proud. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. |
| 53220 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7919 |
Pam |
I love you. |
| 53221 |
9 |
20 |
Paper Airplane |
7919 |
Jim |
I love you. |
| 53222 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Jim |
I'm taking some time off from workâwell, my other workâbecause we needed it. |
| 53223 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Pam |
It's great. |
| 53224 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Jim |
It's great. |
| 53225 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Pam |
The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts. |
| 53226 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Jim |
But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together. |
| 53227 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Pam |
Nice morning, too. |
| 53228 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7920 |
Jim |
Beesly! Oh, my god. |
| 53229 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Andy |
Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial. |
| 53230 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Jim |
Ah, definitely blue. |
| 53231 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Andy |
Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond? |
| 53232 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Jim |
For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thinâ |
| 53233 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Andy |
Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on. |
| 53234 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Jim |
Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once you know. |
| 53235 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Andy |
Tell me about it, you know? I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup. |
| 53236 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7921 |
Jim |
Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing. |
| 53237 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Oscar |
Is everything ok? |
| 53238 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Angela |
No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats. |
| 53239 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Kevin |
Wait, all of them? |
| 53240 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Angela |
Two sacks' worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house. |
| 53241 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Oscar |
That'sâthat's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry. |
| 53242 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Angela |
It's the that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type. |
| 53243 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Kevin |
I've never met anyone like that. |
| 53244 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Angela |
And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone. |
| 53245 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Oscar |
Angela, you still have your son. |
| 53246 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7922 |
Angela |
I guess. |
| 53247 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7923 |
Dwight |
Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, Thrasher, Crasher andâ |
| 53248 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7923 |
Jim |
Smasher! |
| 53249 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7923 |
Dwight |
Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts. |
| 53250 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7924 |
Dwight |
I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt. |
| 53251 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7925 |
Dwight |
I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided. |
| 53252 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7925 |
Jim |
Fireball! |
| 53253 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7925 |
Dwight |
Ah! That's how it's done. |
| 53254 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7925 |
Jim |
That's pretty good. I feel safe. |
| 53255 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7926 |
David Wallace |
Hey, Erin. Is Andy in? |
| 53256 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7926 |
Erin |
Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said "is Indian" and was like, "Is Indian what?" Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way. |
| 53257 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7927 |
Erin |
Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic. |
| 53258 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7928 |
Erin |
Yes, there's Andy! Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist, I know he's in. |
| 53259 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7928 |
Andy |
David Walrus, in his native habitat. |
| 53260 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7928 |
David Wallace |
Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk? |
| 53261 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7928 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 53262 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7929 |
David Wallace |
This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "The kind that's good for head shots." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's gonna boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired. |
| 53263 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
Andyâ |
| 53264 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream. |
| 53265 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
Uh-huh, butâ |
| 53266 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense. |
| 53267 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
So you think you've been too focused on your job? |
| 53268 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany. |
| 53269 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
So youâyou want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting? |
| 53270 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don'tâit just... I owe it to myself and my future fans. |
| 53271 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift. |
| 53272 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
Thank you, David. |
| 53273 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I? |
| 53274 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry. |
| 53275 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
Well, good luck. |
| 53276 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
Andy |
Thank you. Not gonna need it. |
| 53277 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7930 |
David Wallace |
Okay. |
| 53278 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7931 |
David Wallace |
Well that kind of worked out. |
| 53279 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7932 |
Creed |
I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole. |
| 53280 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Jim |
Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back. |
| 53281 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Clark |
Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I've earned this. I mean, you know? |
| 53282 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Jim |
You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here. |
| 53283 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Clark |
Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper. |
| 53284 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 53285 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Clark |
All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? Andâand Wallace is here today. And I don't him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here? |
| 53286 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Pam |
it's okay. You can sit in the annex. |
| 53287 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Jim |
What? |
| 53288 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Pam |
I'll come visit you. |
| 53289 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Jim |
Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you. |
| 53290 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Clark |
That's fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes. |
| 53291 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Andy |
Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever. |
| 53292 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Oscar |
I can't say we didn't see it coming. But it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy. |
| 53293 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
David Wallace |
Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired. |
| 53294 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Andy |
I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? I'm fired up, yes. Guys, I'mâI'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous. |
| 53295 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Pam |
Oh, Andy. |
| 53296 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7933 |
Andy |
Yeah, so, I'll see you on the red carpet. See, that's how it works. |
| 53297 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7934 |
Phyllis |
Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at. |
| 53298 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Jim |
Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark. |
| 53299 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Pete |
Yeah, a little bit. |
| 53300 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Jim |
Oh, wow. But, umâOh, I get that. |
| 53301 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Pete |
Oh, no, no, no. No it's cool. |
| 53302 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Jim |
I get it. |
| 53303 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Pete |
It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing. |
| 53304 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7935 |
Jim |
Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that. |
| 53305 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7936 |
Darryl |
I just think you're going into this a little fast. |
| 53306 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7936 |
Andy |
I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go? |
| 53307 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7936 |
Darryl |
Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack. |
| 53308 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7936 |
Andy |
All right. I get it. |
| 53309 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7937 |
Andy |
The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel, that's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave." You say something like, "Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented." Well... right back at you, Darryl. |
| 53310 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7938 |
Andy |
I'm gonna miss you too. Mmm! |
| 53311 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7939 |
Stanley |
Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack? |
| 53312 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7940 |
Kevin |
Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird, in the park, that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to cause the park is free! |
| 53313 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Sensei Ira |
I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. |
| 53314 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Dwight |
He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts! |
| 53315 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Sensei Ira |
It's not a large room, I think they heard me. |
| 53316 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Dwight |
Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself. |
| 53317 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Sensei Ira |
That's really ok. I'm mostly focused on the belt here. |
| 53318 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Dwight |
Just slip it off myâSlip it off my hips. |
| 53319 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Sensei Ira |
Hold itâTake a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay. I can'tâI can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off. |
| 53320 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7941 |
Dwight |
He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt. |
| 53321 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7942 |
Angela |
Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying. |
| 53322 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
There it is. |
| 53323 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Congratulations. |
| 53324 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
We did it, we did it. I love you. |
| 53325 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Okay. |
| 53326 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You're gonna watch me right? |
| 53327 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Yes, I will. |
| 53328 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
Sensei, you're not watching. |
| 53329 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it. |
| 53330 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
Watching? |
| 53331 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
I'm watching. |
| 53332 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Dwight |
Watch this part, okay? |
| 53333 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
David Wallace |
Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this? |
| 53334 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world. |
| 53335 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
David Wallace |
He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he? |
| 53336 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Sensei Ira |
Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he's one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met. |
| 53337 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7943 |
Esther |
Oh! I'm am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue. |
| 53338 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7944 |
Jim |
I really felt like I almost lost her, andâand nothing is worth that. |
| 53339 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7944 |
David Wallace |
Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals. |
| 53340 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7945 |
Clark |
Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam. |
| 53341 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7945 |
Dwight |
You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool. |
| 53342 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7945 |
Clark |
All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job. |
| 53343 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7945 |
Dwight |
Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager. |
| 53344 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
David Wallace |
So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on. |
| 53345 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
Jim |
Again. |
| 53346 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
David Wallace |
Again! And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy? |
| 53347 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
Jim |
Not at all. It should be Dwight. |
| 53348 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
David Wallace |
You sure? |
| 53349 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
Jim |
You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uhâ |
| 53350 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
David Wallace |
Yeah. |
| 53351 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7946 |
Jim |
Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person. |
| 53352 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Nellie |
Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word. |
| 53353 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Andy |
It's now or never. |
| 53354 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Nellie |
Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive. |
| 53355 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Andy |
Yeah, sure. What's your question? |
| 53356 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Kevin |
Our question isâit seems dumb. |
| 53357 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Andy |
Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right? |
| 53358 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Nellie |
Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and "full-ass" it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm? |
| 53359 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Andy |
Nah. I like my plan better. |
| 53360 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Kevin |
Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor. |
| 53361 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7947 |
Andy |
What? |
| 53362 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7948 |
Oscar |
No, I don't think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it? |
| 53363 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies? |
| 53364 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
Yes. Yeah. |
| 53365 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens. |
| 53366 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
Oh, boy. Umâ |
| 53367 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
If you could help me out, that would beâ |
| 53368 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
I could give you some beginner stickies? |
| 53369 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
Anything would help. |
| 53370 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
Here you go. |
| 53371 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that. |
| 53372 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
Mm-hmm. |
| 53373 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
Wow, that'sâ |
| 53374 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Pam |
It's all yours. |
| 53375 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
You come so prepared. Aspirin. |
| 53376 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Dwight |
You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that. |
| 53377 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great. |
| 53378 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Dwight |
Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job? |
| 53379 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
No. He was maybe thinking of you for it. |
| 53380 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Dwight |
Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. |
| 53381 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7949 |
Jim |
I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying. |
| 53382 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Hello. |
| 53383 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
Well, hello. |
| 53384 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Big day for you. |
| 53385 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
Big day for you. |
| 53386 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 53387 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
Love the belt. |
| 53388 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Oh, yes. |
| 53389 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out! |
| 53390 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings. |
| 53391 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
Thank you, I appreciate that. â˜Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it. |
| 53392 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right? |
| 53393 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
No, I just applied for more overdraft protection. |
| 53394 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don't quit your day job. |
| 53395 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Andy |
Nothing is impossible to him who will try. Alexander the Great, if he were cockney. |
| 53396 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7950 |
Dwight |
You're bad. |
| 53397 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7951 |
Andy |
I'm gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person. |
| 53398 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Andy |
Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back. |
| 53399 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Erin |
So true. Is there a question, or areâwhat? |
| 53400 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Andy |
Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor? |
| 53401 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Erin |
Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve. |
| 53402 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 53403 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
David Wallace |
You can stay on as a salesman, Andy. |
| 53404 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
Andy |
Thank you. |
| 53405 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7952 |
David Wallace |
Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please? |
| 53406 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
Say it again. |
| 53407 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
Will you be the new manager? |
| 53408 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
Where? |
| 53409 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
Where? |
| 53410 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
What branch? |
| 53411 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
Here. Scranton. Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news. |
| 53412 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun. |
| 53413 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
What? |
| 53414 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... Manager. |
| 53415 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
Why do you already have this? |
| 53416 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David. |
| 53417 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
I know. |
| 53418 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
Dwight |
I will never, ever let you down. |
| 53419 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7953 |
David Wallace |
I know, Dwight. I know. Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great. |
| 53420 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 53421 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
Wow, hey. |
| 53422 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Hi. |
| 53423 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
What's up? |
| 53424 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Um, I have a question. |
| 53425 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
Okay. |
| 53426 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Oh, I had a question. |
| 53427 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
Really? |
| 53428 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
I did! |
| 53429 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
Yeah, totally you did. |
| 53430 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Super important. |
| 53431 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
I need you to stay right here while you think about it. |
| 53432 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 53433 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
All right? I'm gonna wait. |
| 53434 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
All right. I did not come back here just to see you. |
| 53435 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
I'm sure you did not. What was your question? |
| 53436 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
I don't know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out. |
| 53437 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Jim |
Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting. |
| 53438 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7954 |
Pam |
Exactly. |
| 53439 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Andy |
Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales. |
| 53440 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Nellie |
Oh, thank god. Because sales could be your best role yet. |
| 53441 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Meredith |
Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Don't want to see you in a p0rn next year. |
| 53442 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Andy |
Okay. |
| 53443 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Kevin |
Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman. |
| 53444 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Andy |
Death of a salesman. |
| 53445 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Kevin |
I don't think so. |
| 53446 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Andy |
Sure, â˜Death of a Salesman' by Arthur Miller, it's a great play about crushed dreams. |
| 53447 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Kevin |
No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants. |
| 53448 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7955 |
Andy |
Got any hot leads? |
| 53449 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pete |
See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward. |
| 53450 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Erin |
I had no idea. And here I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep. |
| 53451 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Jim |
Look who's back. |
| 53452 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pam |
I'm back. Oh, hey, look, and now it's like a double date. |
| 53453 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pete |
Wow. Cause, uh |
| 53454 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Erin |
Actually, maybe we should go on a double date some time. That'd be fun. |
| 53455 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pam |
Yeah, we should do that for real sometime. |
| 53456 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Erin |
Well, how about Thursday? |
| 53457 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pam |
Oh, well, Thursday's tough, because ofâ |
| 53458 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Jim |
Weeknights are actually tough just becauseâ |
| 53459 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Pam |
They are. |
| 53460 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Jim |
That's true, yeah. |
| 53461 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7956 |
Erin |
Just forget it. Forget I said anything. |
| 53462 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
David Wallace |
Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schruteâ |
| 53463 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again? |
| 53464 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
David Wallace |
I don't think so. |
| 53465 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
It's just one thing. Just let meâlet me do thisâ |
| 53466 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
David Wallace |
Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come onâwhat I was about to say was Dwightâ Oh, I'm sorry, I gottaâThis'll be a second, sorry. |
| 53467 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Just wait and send it to voicemail. |
| 53468 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
David Wallace |
Yeah. |
| 53469 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Come on. Come on. |
| 53470 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
David Wallace |
Then we'll get him a new set of drums. |
| 53471 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Dwight Schrute is manager! |
| 53472 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Andy |
Brava, brava. |
| 53473 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Creed |
Creed Bratton is the new manager! |
| 53474 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Pam |
What's going on? |
| 53475 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Kevin |
Dwight's the new manager. He freaking did it. |
| 53476 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Pam |
Congratulations, Dwight. |
| 53477 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Pam. |
| 53478 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Jim |
Congratulations, buddy. |
| 53479 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Jim. |
| 53480 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Clark |
Congrats, Dwight. |
| 53481 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Get out of Jim's seat. |
| 53482 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Clark |
But I fought for this seat. |
| 53483 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen, we'll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram. |
| 53484 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Pam |
It's nice to have you back. |
| 53485 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
So... |
| 53486 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Jim |
So. |
| 53487 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
I wanted to offer you a new position. |
| 53488 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Jim |
Let's hear it. |
| 53489 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Assistant regional manager. |
| 53490 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Jim |
Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job. |
| 53491 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Jim. |
| 53492 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Jim |
I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take. |
| 53493 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7957 |
Dwight |
Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot. |
| 53494 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7958 |
Jim |
Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus. |
| 53495 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Dwight |
So, all the numbers adding up? |
| 53496 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Oscar |
Hey, I didn't get a chance to say it, but... congratulations, Dwight. |
| 53497 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Dwight |
Thank you. |
| 53498 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Angela |
Yes. Congratulations. |
| 53499 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Kevin |
Yeah, and Dwight, I'd like to be the first to say congratulations. |
| 53500 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Angela |
This is a big day for you. |
| 53501 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7959 |
Dwight |
Yes, it is. Carry on. |
| 53502 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7960 |
Andy |
How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself. |
| 53503 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7961 |
Andy |
Everyone! Changed my mind again. |
| 53504 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7961 |
Phyllis |
What's it now, dream or no dream? |
| 53505 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7961 |
Andy |
Uh, dream. Goin' with my dream. Gotta go all in, isn't that right, Jim? |
| 53506 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7961 |
Jim |
Oh, don't look at me cause I think you're making a terrible choice. |
| 53507 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7961 |
Andy |
All in! Whoo! |
| 53508 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all. |
| 53509 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
Okay, then, Andy. |
| 53510 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
Yeah, but here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners. |
| 53511 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
Andy, you know I can't do that. It'd be lying. |
| 53512 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
Seriously? |
| 53513 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
Yeah, I'mâ |
| 53514 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
Come on, just do it. |
| 53515 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
I can't. |
| 53516 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
All right, fine, just know that you made me do this. |
| 53517 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
Oh, come on. Andy, no. |
| 53518 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
God, Toby, don'tâstop blocking my hand. |
| 53519 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
No, no. |
| 53520 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
This is yourâyou brought this on. |
| 53521 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Toby |
No, no. Andy. |
| 53522 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7962 |
Andy |
Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood! |
| 53523 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7963 |
Angela |
This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem it's clearly on your end. Andâoh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... um... what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didn't want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting! |
| 53524 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7963 |
Kevin |
What do you think that was about? |
| 53525 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
Andy |
David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I'd just like to point out, I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite. |
| 53526 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
David Wallace |
We put the past behind us, though, Andy. |
| 53527 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
Andy |
What if I told you that I hate you and I hate this company? |
| 53528 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
David Wallace |
Enough, Andy. Enough! |
| 53529 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
Andy |
Just stop forgiving me, David, please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car? |
| 53530 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7964 |
David Wallace |
Oh my god. |
| 53531 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7965 |
Andy |
Eleanor Roosevelt once said â˜the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' I think she's right. I feel calm now. I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, I'm doing the right thing. |
| 53532 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
Andy. |
| 53533 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 53534 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
What are you doing? |
| 53535 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it don't squash my knickety-knacks on top. |
| 53536 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
Yeah, okay. That's not what I mean. You don't have to leave because you said you would. Don't let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It's not worth it. |
| 53537 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly I think about it a lot tooâ |
| 53538 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
Ugh. |
| 53539 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
But I justâit's in the past. And I feel like we shouldn't... |
| 53540 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
No, that's notâ |
| 53541 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Rehashâ |
| 53542 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
No, noneâNo, stop. It's justâ |
| 53543 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Exactly. |
| 53544 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy. |
| 53545 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Andy |
Thanks, Angela. You too. |
| 53546 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7966 |
Angela |
Thanks. |
| 53547 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Andy |
A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelai and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how. |
| 53548 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Nellie |
Oh, good lord. |
| 53549 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Stanley |
Can't you just leave? |
| 53550 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Jim |
You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye. |
| 53551 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Andy |
Tuna, I'm a performer. And perform I shall. |
| 53552 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Dwight |
You okay? |
| 53553 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Angela |
It's just a really nice song. |
| 53554 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7967 |
Kevin |
Awesome! |
| 53555 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7968 |
Phyllis |
Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. He's not terrible. |
| 53556 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7968 |
Stanley |
Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo. |
| 53557 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7968 |
Phyllis |
No, he's good. |
| 53558 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7968 |
Stanley |
He was good. |
| 53559 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Good night, Kevin. |
| 53560 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Kevin |
Night, Oscar. |
| 53561 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar. |
| 53562 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Well, I've changed my mind. |
| 53563 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Wait a minute. You're not thinking of living in aâ |
| 53564 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Oh, god, could you just mind your own business? |
| 53565 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Okay, I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent. |
| 53566 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Oh, god. |
| 53567 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Come stay with me. |
| 53568 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
You don't want me at your place. |
| 53569 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which won't be long. It's the least I could do. |
| 53570 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Well... |
| 53571 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Separate bathrooms. |
| 53572 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Thank you. |
| 53573 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
You're welcome. Let's go get Phillip. Then we'll get your stuff... |
| 53574 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Okay. |
| 53575 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
And get you the hell outta that place. |
| 53576 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Angela |
Are you allowed to have pets? |
| 53577 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7969 |
Oscar |
Oh, Angela. |
| 53578 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7970 |
Dwight |
Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day. |
| 53579 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
You talk to Wade and Colin? |
| 53580 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up? |
| 53581 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
We got an offer on the table. |
| 53582 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
What kind of offer? |
| 53583 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
A buyout. |
| 53584 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
What? |
| 53585 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
We're in play, baby. |
| 53586 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
Oh, my god! |
| 53587 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
We did it! Hey, and look, the buyers wanna make sure it's not just a Philly play, so get this: they're gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby. |
| 53588 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
Wow, that is... wow. |
| 53589 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
Yeah, we did it. |
| 53590 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
Yeah, we did. Hey, how longâhow long do we think that's gonna take? |
| 53591 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
Wade said we could do the whole country in three months. |
| 53592 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it. |
| 53593 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
Can't do what? |
| 53594 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
This, man. I can't do this to Pam. |
| 53595 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Darryl |
No, no, Jim. This is different. This is everything. |
| 53596 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7971 |
Jim |
I know. And I can't do it. |
| 53597 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Angela |
So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross? |
| 53598 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Oscar |
No, it's neat and tasteful, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up. |
| 53599 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Angela |
I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy. |
| 53600 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Oscar |
Angela, you just wereâ |
| 53601 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Angela |
I love him. |
| 53602 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Oscar |
I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. Youâyou can'tâ |
| 53603 |
9 |
21 |
Livin' the Dream |
7972 |
Angela |
No, not the senator. I love Dwight. |
| 53604 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7973 |
Erin |
The tea in Nepal is very hot. |
| 53605 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7973 |
Kevin |
But the coffee in Peru is much hotter. |
| 53606 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7974 |
Dwight |
Last week I finally became permanent manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. My first project: increase security. I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. Now they're protecting America's real treasure, paper. Every morning I email the day's security codes. Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. It's not the KGB, but it's a start. |
| 53607 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Erin |
The tea in Nepal is very hot. |
| 53608 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Dwight |
But the coffee in Peru is far hotter. |
| 53609 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Erin |
Close. |
| 53610 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Dwight |
This is Tuesday, right? The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter? |
| 53611 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Erin |
Colder. |
| 53612 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Dwight |
The coffee in Paraguay is colder? |
| 53613 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Erin |
No, I meant you're getting colder. The correct response is, "the coffee in Peru is much hotter." |
| 53614 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Dwight |
Ah, much, ok. |
| 53615 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Erin |
But, that's three wrong, so I gotta give you the steam. Unless you want me to break protocol? |
| 53616 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7975 |
Dwight |
No, no. Give me the steam. |
| 53617 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7976 |
Dwight |
It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd. |
| 53618 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7977 |
Dwight |
Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol! |
| 53619 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7977 |
Creed |
Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry cleaning. |
| 53620 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7978 |
Phillip |
Mama! |
| 53621 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7978 |
Oscar |
Angela, someone wants you. |
| 53622 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7978 |
Angela |
Ok, coming. Hi, baby. |
| 53623 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7979 |
Oscar |
Angela's divorce from the senator has been very difficult for her. When she got kicked out of her apartment, I invited her to move in with me. Ironic that it's Angela who's living in the closet. Hey-o. |
| 53624 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7980 |
Oscar |
Saddle shoes. With denim? I will literally call child services. |
| 53625 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7981 |
Esther |
Go get â˜em, honey. |
| 53626 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7981 |
Dwight |
Oh, don't worry. They'll get got. |
| 53627 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7982 |
Dwight |
Manager of Dunder Mifflin? Check. Owner of a 1600-acre beet farm? Check. Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid? Check... on that later today. This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring. |
| 53628 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7983 |
Andy |
Hello, good morning. My name is Andrew Bernard. You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. I also killed it in local theater and I am fresh off of a hot industrial flick. |
| 53629 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7983 |
Check-in guy |
Ok, thanks. Go ahead and get in the back of the line. |
| 53630 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7983 |
Andy |
Yes! |
| 53631 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7984 |
Andy |
Well, burned all my bridges at Dunder Mifflin, and time to become the next American Idol. By winning America's Next A Cappella Sensation. On channel TBD. It's a really cool show, it's like a revision of the whole American Idol, Voice, Sing-Off phenomenon. On this show, all three judges are mean! |
| 53632 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7985 |
Jim |
Sales form for you to sign. |
| 53633 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7985 |
Dwight |
You know what to do. Ok |
| 53634 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7986 |
Dwight |
Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, and I have chosen one of the best. |
| 53635 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7986 |
Jim |
Aw, thanks, man. |
| 53636 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7986 |
Dwight |
Once upon a time we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences. Much like Germany and Italy in World Warâ |
| 53637 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7986 |
Jim |
No. |
| 53638 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7986 |
Dwight |
Good call. Together we run a no-nonsense office. |
| 53639 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Jim |
Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well. |
| 53640 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Pam |
Oh, bodes well for the post-conference room meeting. |
| 53641 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Jim |
All depends on the conference room meeting itself. Uh, okay. |
| 53642 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Pam |
Is that them again? |
| 53643 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 53644 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Pam |
Maybe you should call back? |
| 53645 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7987 |
Jim |
I will. I will. |
| 53646 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7988 |
Jim |
The guys at Athlead are still bugging me about this three month roadshow thing. Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again. |
| 53647 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7989 |
Pam |
When Jim decided to come back to Scranton full-time, I was relieved, but I also feel a little guilty. I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. But he seems happy. I mean, he's certainly been goofing around a lot. I love goofy Jim. |
| 53648 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Dwight |
Welcome. |
| 53649 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
He welcomes you. |
| 53650 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Dwight |
Please take an agenda item. |
| 53651 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
Your agenda-taking pleases him. |
| 53652 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Dwight |
Have a seat, Phyllis. There we go. As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. "Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try." That is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure. Jim, over to you. |
| 53653 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, please don't yell out, "Michael J. Fax from Fax to the Future." Ok? That's nonsense. |
| 53654 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Pam |
Question. |
| 53655 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
Yes, beautiful girl in the front. |
| 53656 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Pam |
We are expecting a water delivery today at 10am. What if, as they're delivering the water jugs, someone screams out, "Nice jugs"? |
| 53657 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
That's obviously nonsense. Nonsense. And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office? |
| 53658 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Everyone |
Zero. No nonsense. You can't have nonsense. |
| 53659 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Dwight |
What is going on? |
| 53660 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Angela |
Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. |
| 53661 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Oscar |
Why? |
| 53662 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Angela |
Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive. So, hi. |
| 53663 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Oscar |
Hi, buddy. |
| 53664 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Dwight |
Ok. Um, new agenda item. Phillip will be joining us in the office today. |
| 53665 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7990 |
Jim |
Gotta write that down. Ok, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited? |
| 53666 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7991 |
Meredith |
I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. I've been on my best behavior for nine years. If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap. |
| 53667 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7992 |
Stanley |
Over the course of this documentary I've had three affairs. If you find my body in a ditch, let me save the police some trouble: my wife did it. |
| 53668 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7993 |
Dwight |
I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. So you can make it up to me by working an extra half an hour tomorrow, or a minute extra for the rest of the month. |
| 53669 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7993 |
Kevin |
Ooh, announcement! Some of us whose televisions got broken during an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial will be watching tonight at Poor Richard's. But note, all are welcome, not just those whose saw an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial and charged their televisions. |
| 53670 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7994 |
Oscar |
I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. When this thing started, I was still having s*x with women. As was Kevin, I believe. |
| 53671 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7995 |
Creed |
This airs tonight? Oh my god. If my parents see this, I am toast. |
| 53672 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
This is really huge. This is like the March on Washington but for a singing show. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King were here? And sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Mis? With that baritone? That would be historic. |
| 53673 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Casey |
Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I got a great Casey Dean for you. |
| 53674 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
No! |
| 53675 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Casey |
America wants it! |
| 53676 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
No, this is my time! You don't belt on my time! I belt on my time. |
| 53677 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Casey |
Casey Dean! |
| 53678 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
Casey Dean! |
| 53679 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Casey |
Man, those are some nice pipes. |
| 53680 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 53681 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Casey |
What's your name? |
| 53682 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7996 |
Andy |
Andy. What's yours? |
| 53683 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela |
Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? |
| 53684 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Oscar |
Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? |
| 53685 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Kevin |
Guys. |
| 53686 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela |
Because whenever I pack the bag, you say I do it wrong. |
| 53687 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Kevin |
Guys. |
| 53688 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela |
Why don't you pack it? |
| 53689 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Kevin |
Guys. |
| 53690 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela, Oscar |
Kevin, what? |
| 53691 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Kevin |
Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says "bold front" instead of "cold front"? It's insane. |
| 53692 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela |
Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? Phillip needs his apple snacks. |
| 53693 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Oscar |
Seriously, Kevin. I'm just gonna have to go to the store. |
| 53694 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7997 |
Angela |
Ok, you go to the store. |
| 53695 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7998 |
Kevin |
Philllip, Phillip, Phillip. It's all about Phillip. I hate Phillip. |
| 53696 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
Not now! Private time! |
| 53697 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
I love Star Wars as much as the next guyâ |
| 53698 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
Hey, hey! Seriously? |
| 53699 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
My god, I'm so sorry. Well this might make up for it: I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked PFN. |
| 53700 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
Which is, of course... |
| 53701 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
Potential future nonsense. |
| 53702 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
Yes, good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. Now, hurry up, shut the door. Break it down for me. |
| 53703 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. You've got a regional manager. |
| 53704 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
The power source. |
| 53705 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager. |
| 53706 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
A loyal, but bungling apostle. |
| 53707 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager? |
| 53708 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliore. |
| 53709 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
Exactly. |
| 53710 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
I'd have to get some more wire and string, but it's doable. Do you think any of them out there are capable? |
| 53711 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
Yeah, right. I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests. |
| 53712 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
I like the sound of that. Who do you have in mind? |
| 53713 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Jim |
Well, I know this sounds crazy, but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table? |
| 53714 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
7999 |
Dwight |
That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. That's the sanest thing I've ever heard. |
| 53715 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
What're you listening to? |
| 53716 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
Hmm? Um, uh, locking in my starting note. A 440. |
| 53717 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
Oh, sweet. |
| 53718 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
A cappella is all about pitch, and I am nothing if not a total pitch bitch. |
| 53719 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Mark McGrath |
What's up, everybody? And welcome to America's Next A Cappella Singing Sensation! |
| 53720 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
Ah! It's Mark McGrath! Oh my god! You're gorgeous! |
| 53721 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Mark McGrath |
Thank you, thank you so much. And thank you for your patience. And we hope to see you guys within the next five to seven hours. Now, just to give you a couple parameters of the show, each of you will sing a song for thirty seconds, after which our judges will decide if they want you in their a cappella group. Now, each group will start with 90 singers, which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. Oh, and look out for that pesky mole! |
| 53722 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
There's a mole? |
| 53723 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Mark McGrath |
Oops. I'm not supposed toâI'm not supposed to say that. All right, no mole. Forget I said it, all right? |
| 53724 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it. |
| 53725 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Mark McGrath |
Good man right there. I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right? |
| 53726 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
Yeah! Pour some Sugar Ray on me! |
| 53727 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
What? On a roll much? |
| 53728 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
I don't know where it came from. |
| 53729 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
That was amazing, man! |
| 53730 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
Yeah. Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny. |
| 53731 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
Yeah, you made a personal connection with him. |
| 53732 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Andy |
I did, I felt it. |
| 53733 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8000 |
Casey |
Big time. |
| 53734 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8001 |
Pam |
What are you so excited about? |
| 53735 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8001 |
Jim |
Nothing. |
| 53736 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8001 |
Pam |
What are you up to? |
| 53737 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Jim |
Members of the office, hear ye. |
| 53738 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Dwight |
That means ye, Plop! |
| 53739 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Pete |
Plop? Still? |
| 53740 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Dwight |
We owe Andy that much. Am I right people? |
| 53741 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Pete |
Fine. |
| 53742 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Jim |
Today we will be testing candidates for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. |
| 53743 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Erin |
Aw, heck ya! |
| 53744 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Pam |
Nice. |
| 53745 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Dwight |
You'll always have the upper hand, when you've got a good a-arm. Trademark pending. |
| 53746 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Jim |
This is not an excuse to blow off work doing carnival-like activities. Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, but that's for fueling only. No savoring. |
| 53747 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Dwight |
Wow, the honor. God, I envy them. |
| 53748 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Jim |
He envies you. |
| 53749 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Dwight |
You don't need to repeat right now, when I'm saying it. |
| 53750 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8002 |
Jim |
Alright. |
| 53751 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8003 |
Jim |
By 2:00, Dwight will chose himself to be assistant to his own assistant, me. |
| 53752 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8004 |
Darryl |
What up? |
| 53753 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8004 |
Glenn |
What's going on? How was the delivery? |
| 53754 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8004 |
Darryl |
Delivered all my furniture to Philly. Hey, keep it down, though. Nobody knows I'm here. |
| 53755 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8005 |
Darryl |
I hate goodbyes, so last week, when I left Dunder Mifflin for good, I pulled the old Irish Exit. Just slipped out without making a big deal. No hard feelings. No feelings at all. |
| 53756 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking before they even think it. Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now? |
| 53757 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Meredith |
Uh, two. |
| 53758 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
9.85E+14 |
| 53759 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Dwight |
Not even close, Meredith. Come on! |
| 53760 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
Okay, Pam. What song is running through my head right now? |
| 53761 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Pam |
Theme song from Saved by the Bell. |
| 53762 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
Oh, my god! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World. |
| 53763 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Dwight |
Wait, no, no, no, stop. Spouses can read each other's minds. You're trying to give your wife this job. |
| 53764 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
That's exactly what I was doing. Plop, what animal am I picturing? |
| 53765 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Pete |
A horse. |
| 53766 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
Ew, the exact opposite, actually. |
| 53767 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Pete |
What's the opposite of a horse? |
| 53768 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
Come on. |
| 53769 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim, Dwight |
Sea horse. |
| 53770 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim |
Whoa. How did you know that I was gonnaâ |
| 53771 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8006 |
Jim, Dwight |
Say that? Uncanny. |
| 53772 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Jim |
Challenge number two, protocol. Clark? |
| 53773 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Clark |
Yeah. |
| 53774 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Jim |
Do you want a corn dog? |
| 53775 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Clark |
I would love a corn dog. |
| 53776 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Jim |
We'll see. You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. Uh-oh, look who came to join us. The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. Go ahead and read that phone message. |
| 53777 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Clark |
Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out how your meeting with Yuri Big Nose went." |
| 53778 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Dwight |
No, no, no, no! You don't read it aloud like that! God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia. The two countries don't have diplomatic relations. |
| 53779 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8007 |
Jim |
Uncanny. |
| 53780 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Soldier |
I just hope that if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan see me win, they'll feel like anything is possible. |
| 53781 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Andy |
Great, more screen time for the war vet. All you gotta do is risk your life for this country and everyone goes gaga for you. |
| 53782 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Casey |
Over at the porta-potties, they were interviewing a homeless, single mother with three kids. |
| 53783 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Andy |
What? |
| 53784 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Casey |
Yeah. |
| 53785 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Andy |
Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit? Or is it a show about singing? |
| 53786 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Casey |
I don't know. But I'm getting really worried here. |
| 53787 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Andy |
Me too. Hold my place in line. |
| 53788 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Casey |
Where are you going? |
| 53789 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8008 |
Andy |
They want feel-good stories? Wait until they get a good feel of me. |
| 53790 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Thanks, man. |
| 53791 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Hank |
Thank you. |
| 53792 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Yep. Take care. |
| 53793 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
Darryl, hey. |
| 53794 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Hey. |
| 53795 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
Cool, are you coming back to say hi? |
| 53796 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
No, no, I'm not here actually. These donuts are part of my escape from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say goodbye to. |
| 53797 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
Aha. How's Athlead? |
| 53798 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
We livin' like rock stars. I'm about to eat free steaks with my sports heroes in 32 different cities. |
| 53799 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
Wow. |
| 53800 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Jim really doesn't want to come? |
| 53801 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
He says he doesn't want to. |
| 53802 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Wow. Man. I hope he doesn't regret it. |
| 53803 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
Well, he seems really happy being back here at Dunder Mifflin. |
| 53804 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
Jim is happy here, selling paper at Dunder Mifflin? |
| 53805 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Pam |
That's what he says. |
| 53806 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8009 |
Darryl |
If you say so. Hey, good seeing you. Remember, I was never here. All right, then. |
| 53807 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity. But an assistant to the assistant has a thousand times more to prove, am I right? |
| 53808 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
A thousand times more. |
| 53809 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Phyllis |
I'll try this one. |
| 53810 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
Phyllis! Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, and head through this obstacle course. |
| 53811 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Phyllis |
Hot! |
| 53812 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
Yeah. It's real. It's the only way you'll learn. OK, and go ahead. Oh, god, nice! She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow, real doozy. Careful! |
| 53813 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
No, no, no! Phyllis, seriously? |
| 53814 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
Look at that form. |
| 53815 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
Oh, god, this is pathetic! The boss needs his coffee! Augh! Ah! Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee! Ah, my skin, ow, ow! It burns! Ah! |
| 53816 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
Uncanny. |
| 53817 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Erin |
Darryl?! Darryl! |
| 53818 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 53819 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Darryl |
Oh, hey. Hey, what's up, y'all? |
| 53820 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Erin |
You left us without saying goodbye. |
| 53821 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Darryl |
Oh, my bad. Goodbye, everybody. |
| 53822 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Meredith |
Hey! No way! |
| 53823 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Kevin |
That's totally uncool. |
| 53824 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Erin |
Are you kidding? You broke our hearts. Get upstairs. |
| 53825 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Darryl |
I don't think I sh- |
| 53826 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Erin |
Get upstairs, mister! |
| 53827 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Meredith |
Yeah! |
| 53828 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Kevin |
Right. Now. |
| 53829 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Darryl |
Guess I'm going upstairs. |
| 53830 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thingânone of these people are good enough. |
| 53831 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
I know. |
| 53832 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet, it might be the most logical thing I've ever said. |
| 53833 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise but I know exactly what you are going to say. The only possible assistant to my assistant- |
| 53834 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Jim |
Is- |
| 53835 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8010 |
Dwight |
Me. |
| 53836 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8011 |
Jim |
The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is Dwight K. Schrute. |
| 53837 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8011 |
Dwight |
Yes! Thank you. |
| 53838 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8011 |
Jim |
I think you might want to kneel for this. And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no one. That's it. You look really, really good. |
| 53839 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8011 |
Dwight |
Okay, from now on, anyone who needs to speak to me has got to go through me first, all right? |
| 53840 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Hey. |
| 53841 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
Hey. |
| 53842 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
You all right? What's going on? |
| 53843 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
Are you happy? |
| 53844 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Yes, I'm happy. |
| 53845 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
No, I know that you're, like, happy and, like, you had fun today. |
| 53846 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Yeah. |
| 53847 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
And that was fun. But what about a year from now? |
| 53848 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
What? |
| 53849 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
What about five years from now? |
| 53850 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Pam. |
| 53851 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, but I'm justâI was talking to Darryl, and he was talking about the trip, and I just feel like you're giving up so much. |
| 53852 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
This was my decision, not yours. |
| 53853 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 53854 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
You didn't force me. |
| 53855 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
I kind of forced you to do it. |
| 53856 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
You did not force me to do this. |
| 53857 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
Yes, I did. |
| 53858 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
I don't know how else to tell you. |
| 53859 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
I'm afraid that you're gonna resent me and I'm afraid thatâ |
| 53860 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Resent you? |
| 53861 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Pam |
This is not enough for you and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you. |
| 53862 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8012 |
Jim |
Is that really what you think? |
| 53863 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8013 |
Jim |
Not enough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so, you know what? I know it's against the rules but I'm gonna need a favor from you guys. |
| 53864 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8013 |
Camera Crew |
Okay. You got it, man. |
| 53865 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Darryl |
I didn't realize we were this close. |
| 53866 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Phyllis |
We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing. |
| 53867 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Meredith |
Are you gonna come to Poor Richard's and watch with us tonight? |
| 53868 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Darryl |
Uh... yeah. Depending on traffic. |
| 53869 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Stanley |
He ain't coming. |
| 53870 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8014 |
Erin |
Oh, god! |
| 53871 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8015 |
Darryl |
These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. Picked the wrong day to return a truck. |
| 53872 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
Well, it's been great. |
| 53873 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Phyllis |
Eleven years. A guy is in your life for 11 years and then he's gone for who knows how long. |
| 53874 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
Maybe forever. Anyhowâ |
| 53875 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Oscar |
Did we ever have lunch together, justâjust the two of us? You know what, I'm gonna make reservations right now at Cugino's. |
| 53876 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Meredith |
Question for Darryl. Did we ever get loaded and listen to Zeppelin in my van? |
| 53877 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
Oh, oh, I'm sure we did. |
| 53878 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Meredith |
Nah, I call one hour van time with Darryl. |
| 53879 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Clark |
Darryl, you know, I would love to just record some of your stories, just let the tape roll for six or eight or ten hours and just see what we get. |
| 53880 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Erin |
Listen guys, we can do it all. We just have to divide Darryl's next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. I will go watch an eHow video on how to use Excel, and then we'll get this started. |
| 53881 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here and that's on me. But I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day here doing stuff with you cause you're feeling sentimental. |
| 53882 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Meredith |
You have to! |
| 53883 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
Hey, hey, hey. I'll do one thing with y'all. |
| 53884 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Phyllis |
Which thing? |
| 53885 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8016 |
Darryl |
I don't care, choose amongst yourselves. Not the van though. |
| 53886 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Angela |
Kevin, Kevin. |
| 53887 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Kevin |
Oh, you know my name. Well, that is shocking. |
| 53888 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Angela |
Kevin, could you not do that? |
| 53889 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Kevin |
What? I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. |
| 53890 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Oscar |
Here, use my pen. |
| 53891 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Kevin |
Don't tell me what to do! |
| 53892 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Angela, Oscar |
Shhh! |
| 53893 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Kevin |
No, I don't need this! And you obviously don't need me. |
| 53894 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Angela |
Kevin, where are you going? |
| 53895 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Kevin |
Away. Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true. |
| 53896 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Oscar |
He just won't go down. It's as if he's excited by all this paper. |
| 53897 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Angela |
I know. Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond. |
| 53898 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8017 |
Dwight |
Smart baby. That's the most flavorful bond. |
| 53899 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Andy |
Hey, what's goin' on over here? Some sort of singing competition for the young'uns? |
| 53900 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Casey |
You're back! |
| 53901 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Andy |
No, it's me, Andy! |
| 53902 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Casey |
No, I know. |
| 53903 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Andy |
No, no, no. I'm wearing makeup. |
| 53904 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Casey |
You did a really great job. You even look shorter. |
| 53905 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Andy |
Oh, I took out my lifts. |
| 53906 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Casey |
Oh. |
| 53907 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Andy |
Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, this character is my real height. |
| 53908 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8018 |
Casey |
Oh. |
| 53909 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8019 |
Esther |
All day long, it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. Get the sheep baa-ed. Oink the pigs. |
| 53910 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8019 |
Dwight |
Oink the pigs, that is very important. |
| 53911 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8019 |
Esther |
Dwight, I'm telling you about all the things that ma said after the horse kicked her in the head. Where are you? Dwight? |
| 53912 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8020 |
Dwight |
The way that boy looks at the Galactica is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. And he eats the same kind of paper I do. Hmm. |
| 53913 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Dwight |
Thank you, Esther. |
| 53914 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Esther |
Bye. |
| 53915 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Jim |
You threw the summoning bag at me, sir? |
| 53916 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Dwight |
I need you to perform a test. |
| 53917 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Jim |
Perform a test. |
| 53918 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Dwight |
On an innocent baby. |
| 53919 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Jim |
Ooh, I like where this is going. Unfortunately I have a lot of work today so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. But, don't worry, he's the best in the biz. |
| 53920 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Dwight |
Damn straight. |
| 53921 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Jim |
Unless you think he can't handle it. |
| 53922 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Dwight |
Hey, he can handle it. |
| 53923 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8021 |
Jim |
All right. |
| 53924 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Oscar |
Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. Stanley's sleeping. You don't want to wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you? |
| 53925 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Stanley |
I heard that. |
| 53926 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Phillip |
Mama. |
| 53927 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Dwight |
Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? Pam can attest, there's no one better at getting brats to shut their yaps. |
| 53928 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Pam |
He does have a gift. |
| 53929 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Oscar |
Well, he's calling for his mom, but, okay, here, here you go. Careful, he bites. |
| 53930 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Phillip |
Mama. |
| 53931 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8022 |
Dwight |
Okay. You ever been in a manager's office before? |
| 53932 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8023 |
Dwight |
Phillip, you wanna play a little game? It's called "Schrute or Consequences." You're gonna choose one of these two things. A check for a million dollars, or this dirty old beet. Yuck, pew! Which will it be? Money or the beet? |
| 53933 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8023 |
Phillip |
Beet. |
| 53934 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8023 |
Dwight |
Yeah. Any ordinary child would have taken the money, but you're no ordinary child are you? No. I can tell by your gorgeous, widely-set eyes. |
| 53935 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
Sorry, folks, the judges are totally swamped. We are all done taking auditions. |
| 53936 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
People in line |
Oh come on! Hey! |
| 53937 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Andy |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? |
| 53938 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
But thanks for coming out and be sure to watch America's Next A Cappella Sensaâ |
| 53939 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Andy |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't do that. You can't do that, we've all been waiting. |
| 53940 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
Okay. |
| 53941 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Andy |
I am going in there! Don'tâ |
| 53942 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
No, you're not, sir. |
| 53943 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Andy |
Don'tâdon'tâ |
| 53944 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
Please don't. |
| 53945 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Andy |
Don't touch me. |
| 53946 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Check-in guy |
I'm not touching you. Okay? |
| 53947 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8024 |
Casey |
Run, old man! Run! Run! Run for your life! Get off. Don't you dare. Don't getâI could see it. You were gonna get handsy with me. Not interested. I'm Casey Dean! You'll be seeing the last of me. Er, I meant you won't be seeing the last of me! |
| 53948 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8025 |
Oscar |
Hey. Did you manage to feed him? I don't know what it is. He just keeps spitting out the nipple. |
| 53949 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8025 |
Dwight |
That is because this baby is of superior intelligence. He can tell when he's being tricked out of the experience of a real human breast. |
| 53950 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8025 |
Kevin |
He's not that smart. He doesn't know where I hid his duck. |
| 53951 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Hi. You're still here. Oh, thank god. Clay Aiken, Santigold, Aaron Rodgers. You're like, my three favorite people ever. |
| 53952 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Santigold |
What is this? |
| 53953 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? You're obviously gonna be on the show, so it's someone else's turn now. Yeah, go ahead. All right, my name is Ezra Cornell and I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart. |
| 53954 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Aaron Rodgers |
No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on. |
| 53955 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Busted. Yes, got it. All right. Tried to get your attention with tricks, but you just want to hear me sing, I respect that. |
| 53956 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Clay Aiken |
No, we do not want to hear you sing. |
| 53957 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Santigold |
Gabriella was our last audition. Thank you. Goodbye. |
| 53958 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Nope! Can't end like this. Slept in my car last night, quit my job, burned all my bridges. I went to the bathroom on my boss's car. And I did unspeakable things with Carla Fern. |
| 53959 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Aaron Rodgers |
Flag on the play. |
| 53960 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
That'sâthat's whatâyeah. Okay, all right, well, here's the song. Far above Cayuga's waters, with her waves so blue, stands our noble alma materâ |
| 53961 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Santigold |
What is this song? |
| 53962 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Are you insane? It's the Cornell fight song. |
| 53963 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Clay Aiken |
Listen, all right, thank you very much, we're not interested. |
| 53964 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
You didn't let me finish. That's not fair. |
| 53965 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Aaron Rodgers |
Look, man, you're not terrible. We've heard a lot of really good singers today and you're just not good enough. |
| 53966 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Wow, you guys are really mean. I guess that's the show. Let me try a different song, okay? |
| 53967 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Aaron Rodgers |
Can he do this? |
| 53968 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Hey, hobo man, hey, dapper Dan, you both got your style, but, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile. Yeah. Your clothes may be beau brummellyâ |
| 53969 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Santigold |
Look, you gotta go. You can't just sit here and cry. |
| 53970 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8026 |
Andy |
Oh I can so just sit here and cry! |
| 53971 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8027 |
Jim |
Thank you. |
| 53972 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
Hey, Kev, how you doing, buddy? |
| 53973 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
Can't hear you. I'm giving you the silence treatment. How does it feel being ignored? |
| 53974 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
Okay, I guess, it's just that Phillip got you something. |
| 53975 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
Yeah, a $25 gift card, iTunes. |
| 53976 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
I think there's, like, $7 left. |
| 53977 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
It's just his way of saying, "Thanks for letting me hang out in Accounting." |
| 53978 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
Phillip got this for me? |
| 53979 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
Sure. |
| 53980 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
That was a really cool move. |
| 53981 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
Would you like to hold Phillip? Yeah. That's Kevin. |
| 53982 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
Whoa. |
| 53983 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
Easy. |
| 53984 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
What a chubbers. Whoa. |
| 53985 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
Okay, watch it. |
| 53986 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
I'm losing my balance. |
| 53987 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
No, Kevin, no. |
| 53988 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
Hey, no. |
| 53989 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
Whoa! |
| 53990 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Oscar |
No horseplay. |
| 53991 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
Stop it. |
| 53992 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Kevin |
You wanna play with the cactus? |
| 53993 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8028 |
Angela |
No, no! |
| 53994 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8029 |
Kevin |
So, me and Phillip were just talking and we decided we're gonna be best friends. He's a little standoffish at first. But once he starts buying you things, man, you can tell he likes you. |
| 53995 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Erin |
We have our decision. |
| 53996 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Darryl |
You chose one thing? |
| 53997 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Erin |
We want to dance with you. |
| 53998 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Darryl |
You want to dance? |
| 53999 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Erin |
One dance, all of us together. |
| 54000 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Darryl |
This is what you want? |
| 54001 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Erin |
Absolutely. |
| 54002 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Darryl |
Better get some decent speakers up here then, cause we're gonna do this right. |
| 54003 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8030 |
Erin |
Yes! |
| 54004 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Angela |
Hey. You wanted to see me? |
| 54005 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Dwight |
Door. Chair. It's about Phillip. |
| 54006 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Angela |
I am sorry he's here today but I hadâ |
| 54007 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Dwight |
I believe that boy may be a Schrute. And if he is, that child needs to be accorded what is his. An enormous farm, an inheritance, and the right to be raised under rigorous Schrute traditions. You will, of course, be compensated with a marriage proposal. |
| 54008 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Angela |
How thoughtful. |
| 54009 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Dwight |
Then the two of you would move to my 1,600-acre estate, which, let's face it, is a big step up from living in a gay man's closet. |
| 54010 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Angela |
If he is your son, that's a great plan. But he's not. He's not your son. |
| 54011 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Dwight |
Very well. |
| 54012 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Angela |
Can I go back to my desk now? |
| 54013 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8031 |
Dwight |
Yes. |
| 54014 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Pam |
What is this? |
| 54015 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Jim |
Well I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and you wouldn't believe me, so I needed a little help. |
| 54016 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Dwight |
Jim! I need my assistant to the regional manager. Code red. |
| 54017 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Jim |
OK, I don't have my pocket code chart on me, right now, so. |
| 54018 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Dwight |
Now. |
| 54019 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Jim |
I have an assistant now, who can help you with whatever you need. He is lazy, so crack the whip. |
| 54020 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Dwight |
Jim. I'm not kidding. I need you. |
| 54021 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Pam |
Go ahead. |
| 54022 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8032 |
Jim |
Ok, um, this is... âI'll be right back. |
| 54023 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Jim |
What do we got? |
| 54024 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Dwight |
I was thinking of proposing to Esther today. |
| 54025 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Jim |
Wow! Congratulations, that's a really big step. |
| 54026 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Dwight |
She's got a ton of great qualities. She's young, she's beautiful, genes so pure you could lick them. Her family admires me, my family tolerates hers. A lot of them are the same people because we're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest. |
| 54027 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Jim |
Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy. |
| 54028 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Dwight |
Plus her dowry contains a walk-in freezer full of frozen, premium cattle sperm. |
| 54029 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Jim |
That's a lot of pros. |
| 54030 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Dwight |
And did I mention that she weaves? Colorful, durable blankets and rugs! It all adds up. |
| 54031 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Jim |
So what is the problem? |
| 54032 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8033 |
Dwight |
Angela. |
| 54033 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8034 |
Jim |
I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation. |
| 54034 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8034 |
Dwight |
Some sort of virus? |
| 54035 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8034 |
Jim |
Love. |
| 54036 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8034 |
Dwight |
Oh. |
| 54037 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8035 |
Jim |
Dwight, listen: no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have. |
| 54038 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8035 |
Dwight |
You're a good assistant, Jim. |
| 54039 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8035 |
Jim |
Not as good as you. |
| 54040 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8035 |
Dwight |
That's very true. Get the hell outta here. |
| 54041 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8035 |
Jim |
You got it. |
| 54042 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Jim |
You watched it. |
| 54043 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 54044 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Jim |
Well, then I guess you're ready for this. |
| 54045 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Pam |
What's that? |
| 54046 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Jim |
It's from the teapot. Everything you'll ever need to know is in that note. Not enough for me? You are everything. |
| 54047 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8036 |
Pam |
Thank you. |
| 54048 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8037 |
Erin |
Ok, everybody ready? |
| 54049 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8037 |
Phyllis |
Hit it, red! |
| 54050 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8038 |
Darryl |
I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. But having Kevin grind up on my front while Erin pretends to hump me from behind is a more accurate tribute to my years here. I'm gonna miss these guys. |
| 54051 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
Ok, I've got myâ |
| 54052 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Meredith |
See you guys at Poor Richard's, all right? |
| 54053 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
All right, Meredith. |
| 54054 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Angela |
Okay, bye. |
| 54055 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
See you there. |
| 54056 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Kevin |
Bye, Phillip. High five. |
| 54057 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
Yay! I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mother's, and I'll meet you at Poor Richard's in an hour. |
| 54058 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Angela |
Are you sure you don't want me to drop him off? |
| 54059 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. I don't want to get her hopes up. |
| 54060 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Angela |
All right. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye, bye! |
| 54061 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8039 |
Oscar |
Oh, my goodness. |
| 54062 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Dwight |
Pull over! |
| 54063 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Angela |
Dwight? |
| 54064 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Dwight |
Move to the side of the road! |
| 54065 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Angela |
Why? |
| 54066 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Dwight |
Pull over! |
| 54067 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8040 |
Angela |
What do youâDwight! |
| 54068 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
Dwight! What the is your problem! |
| 54069 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
Shut up, woman! |
| 54070 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
Who drives like that? |
| 54071 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
Listen to me! I love you! And I don't care that Phillip's not my son. I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers if it means that I can be with you! |
| 54072 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
Can you put that down? |
| 54073 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
This expresses how loudly I love you. |
| 54074 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
It's too loud. |
| 54075 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
This is a ring, taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, put there by the gangster patriarch of the Coors dynasty, melted in a foundry run by Mennonites. |
| 54076 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
Okay, yesâyes, I will! I love you! |
| 54077 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
I love you! |
| 54078 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
And I lied to you. |
| 54079 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
What? |
| 54080 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
Phillip's your son. |
| 54081 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
What? Why would you say thatâ |
| 54082 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me. |
| 54083 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Dwight |
Get out! I'm a dad! |
| 54084 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8041 |
Angela |
You're a dad! |
| 54085 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Creed |
Hey, grab a seat. We have that table and that table, but not that table or that table or that table. Floor's up for grabs. Meredith has been hogging the can. Oh! |
| 54086 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Erin |
You have to change the channel to PBS. |
| 54087 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Kevin |
Yeah. |
| 54088 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Bartender |
College baseball is on. |
| 54089 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Erin |
But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it. |
| 54090 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Bartender |
What's it about? |
| 54091 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Erin |
A paper company. |
| 54092 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Bartender |
How many people want the game? Who wants PBS? Sorry. Tie means I do nothing. |
| 54093 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Kevin |
Sir, please. This show is about me and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places. |
| 54094 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Andy |
One more for the doc. |
| 54095 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Bartender |
All right. |
| 54096 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 54097 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Clark |
Hey, how was the singing show audition? |
| 54098 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Andy |
Oh. Eh, whatever. No big deal. |
| 54099 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Creed |
Ok, thirty seconds to showtime! |
| 54100 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Kevin |
I feel scared a little. |
| 54101 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Phyllis |
Yeah, I'm not ready for this. |
| 54102 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Stanley |
No one is ready for this. You can't be ready for this. We don't even know what this is. |
| 54103 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Oscar |
One thing we do know, nothing will ever be the same. |
| 54104 |
9 |
22 |
A.A.R.M |
8042 |
Jim |
Here we go. |
| 54105 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8043 |
Dwight |
The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew? |
| 54106 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8043 |
Camera Man |
We're getting bonus footage for the DVD. |
| 54107 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8043 |
Dwight |
pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore. |
| 54108 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8043 |
Camera Man |
It'll be a pledge gift. |
| 54109 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8043 |
Dwight |
PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you. |
| 54110 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8044 |
Dwight |
In the past year, I have consolidated the entire Scranton paper market. We regained the white pages, the school district, Lackawanna county. We supply them all. I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon, and in the morning, there's a mini-reunion. A kind of a "where are they now" panel at a local theatre. It'll be nice to see everyone again. I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go. |
| 54111 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Today marks several important milestones. Stanley, as you know, is retiring. |
| 54112 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
Yes! Whoo, whoo, whoo! |
| 54113 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Stanley |
Ah, I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old. |
| 54114 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Meredith |
Speech! |
| 54115 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is...for...Kevin. |
| 54116 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
Yes! Wait, why? |
| 54117 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Go ahead and just read the frosting. |
| 54118 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
"Get out." |
| 54119 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Uh-huh. |
| 54120 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
What does that mean? |
| 54121 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
It's a colloquial way of saying "you're fired," Kevin, which you are. |
| 54122 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Pam |
What? Dwight, you can't do that. |
| 54123 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
The cake has spoken Pam. Sorry. |
| 54124 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
All |
What?! |
| 54125 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Well if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying. |
| 54126 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
All |
Dwight... |
| 54127 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Based...on his merit. |
| 54128 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Oscar |
Ooh. |
| 54129 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Jim |
Umm.... |
| 54130 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
I'm...good. |
| 54131 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Pam |
Well, Toby will stop it. Anytime anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so... |
| 54132 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Toby |
Yeah. Yeah, I don't think... |
| 54133 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Dwight |
Toby, wait. Wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake. Bye, bye Toby. |
| 54134 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8045 |
Kevin |
At least I got chocolate. |
| 54135 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8046 |
Jim |
I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too. |
| 54136 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8047 |
Jim |
Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center. |
| 54137 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8048 |
Crowd |
Whoo! Yeah |
| 54138 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8048 |
Jim |
Can you clap! Can you clap for mom? |
| 54139 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8049 |
Jim |
And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese. |
| 54140 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Pam |
Angela, are you ready for the wedding? |
| 54141 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Angela |
Yes. My heart is so open, I am so at peace. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting. Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan. |
| 54142 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Pam |
I think she looks good. Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much. |
| 54143 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Dwight |
That is all. Have a good morning. |
| 54144 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Meredith |
Thank you. |
| 54145 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Dwight |
What was that for? |
| 54146 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Angela |
To remind you that our wedding's gonna be wonderful. |
| 54147 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Dwight |
Ah. I know. It just feels so empty with so many of the old gang gone. |
| 54148 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Angela |
D, it's gonna be perfect. The only people that need to be there are you and me. |
| 54149 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Dwight |
Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him. |
| 54150 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8050 |
Angela |
I don't...I don't know why. |
| 54151 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8051 |
Dwight |
I brought in some new faces, and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band "The Grass Roots" in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military. |
| 54152 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8052 |
Phyllis |
Oh, some fudge? |
| 54153 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8052 |
Malcolm |
Oh, thanks. I love your fudge. |
| 54154 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8052 |
Phyllis |
Thanks. |
| 54155 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8052 |
Malcolm |
I think I gained a couple of pounds since I got here. |
| 54156 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8052 |
Phyllis |
Oh, you can afford it. |
| 54157 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8053 |
Phyllis |
After 16 years, it's strange sitting across from somebody who isn't Stanley. But...he'll get there. |
| 54158 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8054 |
Jim |
Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready â˜cause I want to pack in a lot. |
| 54159 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8054 |
Zeke |
Party time! Whorehouse! |
| 54160 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8054 |
Jim |
Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay? |
| 54161 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8054 |
Zeke |
Well, you're the bestisch mensch. |
| 54162 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8055 |
Jim |
Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight...only good surprises. "Guten Pranken". |
| 54163 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8056 |
Dwight |
Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight. |
| 54164 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8056 |
Clark |
Great, now we got three hours to fill. |
| 54165 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8056 |
Jim |
Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up? |
| 54166 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8056 |
Dwight |
Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing. |
| 54167 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8056 |
Jim |
Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him. |
| 54168 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8057 |
Andy |
Yeah, sure, I'll talk about it. Why not? American's next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition. And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord. The clip went viral, as they say |
| 54169 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8058 |
Casey |
You can't just sit here and cry. |
| 54170 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8058 |
Andy |
Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! |
| 54171 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8059 |
Andy |
Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started. One from the Philippines got 12 million hits. And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it. |
| 54172 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8060 |
Seth Mayers |
Oh, Don't. Aw, come on, Baby Wawa. Don't be such a baby. |
| 54173 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8060 |
Seth Mayers |
Oh, No. It's gonna be alright. |
| 54174 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8060 |
Seth Mayers |
It's gonna be all right. For Weekend Update I'm Seth Meyers. That's Baby Wawa. Good night. |
| 54175 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8060 |
Bill Hader |
Bye! |
| 54176 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8061 |
Andy |
After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. Not really my scene. |
| 54177 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8062 |
Oscar |
Years ago, the senator promised a left turn lane by the Arby's. So I wanna know where in the name of horsey sauce is it? Well, yeah, you...hold on. |
| 54178 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8062 |
Dakota |
Hi. I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year. It's..it's all over the place. I don't know what it means. |
| 54179 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8062 |
Oscar |
That's the reason Kevin got fired. It's his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight, "A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven." He was home by 4:45 that day. |
| 54180 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8063 |
Nellie |
Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone. |
| 54181 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Toby |
Hello! Hello! |
| 54182 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Nellie |
Oh. |
| 54183 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Toby |
Hi! |
| 54184 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Nellie |
No. |
| 54185 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Toby |
Oh. |
| 54186 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Nellie |
How did you now my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me? |
| 54187 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Toby |
Oh, no, no. no. My plane just got in. From New York. Are you still with Piotr? |
| 54188 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Nellie |
No. And I thought I unfriended you. |
| 54189 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8064 |
Toby |
Anyone can follow a Twitter feed. Wanna share a cab? |
| 54190 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8065 |
Toby |
After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel. I have six roommates. Heh. Which are better than friends, you know âCause they have to give you one month's notice before they leave. |
| 54191 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Hey-OH! |
| 54192 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Meredith |
Andy? |
| 54193 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Oscar |
You're back? |
| 54194 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Yeah. |
| 54195 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Malcolm |
That's Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God! |
| 54196 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Jim |
Hey man, good to see you. |
| 54197 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Thank you. Yeah, |
| 54198 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Phyllis |
. Andy... |
| 54199 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly. |
| 54200 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Phyllis |
Andy, I've been worried about you. How are you? |
| 54201 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
A little warm. |
| 54202 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Phyllis |
Poor, poor Andy. |
| 54203 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Okay. Aw. Thank you Phyllis. |
| 54204 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Darryl |
Hello, hello. |
| 54205 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Jim |
Hey! |
| 54206 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Meredith |
Darryl! |
| 54207 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Hey! |
| 54208 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Darryl |
Hey, what's up? |
| 54209 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Didn't I just see you at the airport jumping in a limo? |
| 54210 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Darryl |
What? Must've been another devilishly handsome debonair individual. |
| 54211 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Hmm. |
| 54212 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Darryl |
Hey, man. How are you doing? I, um...I didn't call â˜cause I figured you changed the number. |
| 54213 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
No I didn't change the number. All good though. Phone never rings. |
| 54214 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Dwight |
What? Ooh! |
| 54215 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Andy |
Surprise! |
| 54216 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Dwight |
I thought you guys couldn't come. |
| 54217 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8066 |
Darryl |
Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend and the Doc crew paid to fly us in. It was kismet. |
| 54218 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8067 |
Jim |
Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? "Guten Prank" number one. |
| 54219 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Darryl |
You ready for tonight? We gonna tear up the town? |
| 54220 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Dwight |
Uh, better ask Jim. |
| 54221 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Jim |
And Jim will say nothing. |
| 54222 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Pam |
Darryl! Andy! |
| 54223 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Andy |
Hey! Pam! |
| 54224 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Darryl |
Hey, Pam! How are you? |
| 54225 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Pam |
We're fine. Yeah. And I'm sure that you guys are fine too. Because why wouldn't you be? |
| 54226 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Andy |
Mm-hmm. |
| 54227 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Pam |
Darryl, oh, my gosh. How is Austin? Tell me everything. How's the merger? I feel like I read about Athlead all the time. |
| 54228 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Darryl |
I love it. And it's Athleap now. And the city is amazing. |
| 54229 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Jim |
Yeah? |
| 54230 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Darryl |
Yeah. Yeah, it's hot. The music is awesome. And the tacos are...for real. |
| 54231 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Jim |
Wow! That sounds incredible. . Oh, guys. Limo's here. Let's do this. Change if you need to. |
| 54232 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Oscar |
Whoo, whoo, whoo. |
| 54233 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8068 |
Pam |
Okay, you guys, have fun. You too, Andy. |
| 54234 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8069 |
Oscar |
Yeah! |
| 54235 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8069 |
Andy |
Aw! |
| 54236 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8069 |
Darryl |
Woah-Oh! Haven't been in one of these in forever. |
| 54237 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8070 |
Oscar |
They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. I'm a man. So I'm going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out. |
| 54238 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8071 |
Oscar |
WASSUUUUP! |
| 54239 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Dwight |
Wait, why are we stopping? Jim, this isn't on the itinerary. |
| 54240 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Jim |
Get out. |
| 54241 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Dwight |
Jim...wha... Come on! What...what are you gonna whack me, Jim? |
| 54242 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Jim |
No, Dwight. You'll be doing the whacking. |
| 54243 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Dwight |
A bazooka. You remembered. |
| 54244 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Jim |
Of course I did. |
| 54245 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8072 |
Dwight |
. Get out of my way. |
| 54246 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8073 |
All |
OH! |
| 54247 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8073 |
Dwight |
Woo! Okay! |
| 54248 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8073 |
Jim |
Yeah! Guten Prank number two. |
| 54249 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Jim |
Private Room. |
| 54250 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Oscar |
Yeah, brosef. |
| 54251 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Dwight |
Amazing. |
| 54252 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Jim |
Enjoy, enjoy. |
| 54253 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Guy |
Hey, I know you. Are you gonna sit here and cry? |
| 54254 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Jim |
Okay, man, easy. |
| 54255 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Jim |
Hey, dude, leave him alone. What are you doing? |
| 54256 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Andy |
Jim, it's fine. He'll just get you on his cell phone and then that'll go viral. |
| 54257 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Darryl |
That happens a lot? |
| 54258 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Andy |
Yeah, I guess. But things are going well actually. I spoke at Cornell during commencement week. I mean, the seniors invited me as a joke but it was a huge success. |
| 54259 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Oscar |
Well, I bet it was a smash. |
| 54260 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Andy |
That's how I got my new job in the admissions office. |
| 54261 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Oscar |
Is that a volunteer program or... |
| 54262 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Andy |
No. It's a job. Things are going great. |
| 54263 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Darryl |
Let's get a drink in you, huh? |
| 54264 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8074 |
Andy |
Yes. |
| 54265 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8075 |
Meredith |
Whoo-hoo. Let's get this party started! |
| 54266 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8075 |
Rachel |
Where's my angel. |
| 54267 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8076 |
Angela |
This is my big sister Rachel. |
| 54268 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8076 |
Rachel |
No, this is my big sister Angela. |
| 54269 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8076 |
Angela |
We're very close. We even have our own special language. |
| 54270 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8077 |
Angela |
People love it. |
| 54271 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8077 |
Rachel |
They do. |
| 54272 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
Man, how long have we been sitting here? |
| 54273 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Stripper |
Hi, boys! |
| 54274 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
All |
Ohh... |
| 54275 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Clark |
Here we go! |
| 54276 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
Oh, Thank God. We are famished! |
| 54277 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Stripper |
Hey, did somebody order the chef special? |
| 54278 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Darryl |
Right there. |
| 54279 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
No, we haven't ordered anything. No one's even taken our drinks. Uh, what is the chef special? |
| 54280 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Stripper |
I bet you boys have a big appetite. |
| 54281 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
Oh, we do. So we'll have an onion loaf for the table, please. And tell us about your heartiest soups. |
| 54282 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Stripper |
Mm, I know what you want. I know exactly what you want. |
| 54283 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
Yes, an onion loaf for the table but that's not all. Now the chef special sounded good. What is it exactly? |
| 54284 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Stripper |
Ohh, shh. |
| 54285 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8078 |
Dwight |
Okay, what are you doing? Are you giving me a taste of the chef's special? Tastes like cigarettes. That won't work. That's no good. |
| 54286 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Erin |
Whoo! |
| 54287 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
What? Okay. |
| 54288 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Pam |
Oh, boy. |
| 54289 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Erin |
Oh! |
| 54290 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Jakey |
Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever. |
| 54291 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Phyllis |
Angela's special repairman is here. |
| 54292 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Wait, what is this? |
| 54293 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
Shut up. Jakey? |
| 54294 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Jakey |
Mom? |
| 54295 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Pam |
Wait, wait. What? |
| 54296 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Jakey |
Oh, man. |
| 54297 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
No, no, no, no. Just do your wok. Pretend mom's not here. |
| 54298 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Pam |
Uh, that seems inappropriate. |
| 54299 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
Give the good show, my little entrepreneur. |
| 54300 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Jakey |
Okay. |
| 54301 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
Take it off. . Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey. Stripper's only as good as his song. |
| 54302 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Rachel |
oh, wowee wow. |
| 54303 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Okay... |
| 54304 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Pam |
Whoo-hoo...go, Meredith's stripper son. |
| 54305 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Rachel, are you all right? |
| 54306 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Rachel |
I don't know! I don't know. |
| 54307 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Oh geeze. . Oh, my God! |
| 54308 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
Be gentle Jakey. Gentle. One second. Just one second. Look. |
| 54309 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Okay, if anything, this is rougher. Stop it Meredith. |
| 54310 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Meredith |
Fine. My bad. Go ahead Jakey. |
| 54311 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8079 |
Angela |
Uh, no. It's o...thank you. You know what? You don't have to...oh no, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. |
| 54312 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8080 |
Dwight |
Now, for the last time, I'd like a side salad with balsamic. |
| 54313 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8080 |
Clark |
Dwight, for the last time, she's not a waitress. |
| 54314 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8080 |
Dwight |
You're telling me! |
| 54315 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8080 |
Oscar |
If you want her to leave, just tip her. |
| 54316 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8080 |
Dwight |
What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet. Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? Do you have those? Those aren't deep fried, right? |
| 54317 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Angela |
That was interesting. What was that? |
| 54318 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Phyllis |
It's just the wind. |
| 54319 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Angela |
Will you lock the door? |
| 54320 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Phyllis |
Okay. It's just the wind, see? Nothing. |
| 54321 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Angela |
Alright, see, you don't have to leave the door wide open. We get it. It's the wind. Just come and shut... OH! My God! |
| 54322 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Erin |
Phyllis! |
| 54323 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8081 |
Rachel |
What's happening? |
| 54324 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Dwight |
Oh, man, never thought I'd say this but I think I ate too much bone marrow. |
| 54325 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Jim |
Oh, it's the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled. |
| 54326 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Dwight |
Good old Mose. |
| 54327 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Jim |
They think it was Mose. |
| 54328 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Dwight |
Oh, great. He's getting into the spirit of the festivities. Fantastic. He just pulled off a Braut Entfuhrung. |
| 54329 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Oscar |
What is that? |
| 54330 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Dwight |
A ceremonial bridal kidnapping. He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub and when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks. Ah, all right! Oh Mose. |
| 54331 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Jim |
Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town? |
| 54332 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Dwight |
Right. Which one is that? |
| 54333 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8082 |
Jim |
Mm, hey driver. Why don't you take us to 3030 Adams? |
| 54334 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Jim |
Is that Mose? |
| 54335 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
Yes, it is! I am here for my bride! |
| 54336 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Mose |
Well, first, buy us a drink. |
| 54337 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
All |
If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink. |
| 54338 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! Oh. |
| 54339 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Kevin |
Well, well, well, well, well, well. That's six "wells." Did I get that number right, Dwight? |
| 54340 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
I heard you bought a bar, Kevin. |
| 54341 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Kevin |
Yes. I did. This one. Now get out! |
| 54342 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
Why did you pick this place? |
| 54343 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Jim |
Ooh. |
| 54344 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
You? You did this as a prank. My own Bestich Mensch. |
| 54345 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Jim |
Nope, not a prank. I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet. |
| 54346 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
Waste of a good hatchet. |
| 54347 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Jim |
Okay, just talk. |
| 54348 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Kevin |
Well, w... |
| 54349 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8083 |
Dwight |
I heard you say "well" the first time. |
| 54350 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8084 |
Jim |
I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow's his wedding day. You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day. |
| 54351 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Dwight |
It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job. |
| 54352 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Kevin |
You're just saying that to make me feel better. |
| 54353 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Dwight |
No really. You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene. Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw our your computer. |
| 54354 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Kevin |
Is that all it was? |
| 54355 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Dwight |
That's it. |
| 54356 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Kevin |
Come here |
| 54357 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Dwight |
I missed you Kevin. |
| 54358 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Kevin |
I missed you! |
| 54359 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8085 |
Dwight |
Ohh. |
| 54360 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8086 |
Mose |
Guten Prank. |
| 54361 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8086 |
Jim |
Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three. |
| 54362 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8087 |
Dwight |
You've had your drink. Now where is my bride? |
| 54363 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8088 |
Dwight |
Mose! What..ooh, Mose. |
| 54364 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8088 |
Angela |
What the is your problem you ?! |
| 54365 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Jim |
Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or... |
| 54366 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Dwight |
No. We can't see each other on our wedding day. And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk. |
| 54367 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Jim |
Right. |
| 54368 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Stanley |
Hey guys. |
| 54369 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
All |
Stanley! |
| 54370 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Erin |
How's Florida? |
| 54371 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8089 |
Stanley |
Oh, great. |
| 54372 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8090 |
Stanley |
Yes, I'm living in Florida now. Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the everglades. The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat which was kinda fun. I sit on my porch all day, carving birds. |
| 54373 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8091 |
Jim |
Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed? |
| 54374 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8091 |
Pam |
No, no, I'm fine. |
| 54375 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8091 |
Jim |
Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway. |
| 54376 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8091 |
Stanley |
I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years. |
| 54377 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8091 |
Andy |
I'm sorry guys. This is probably on me. I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral. |
| 54378 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8092 |
Kevin |
People actually dance to this. It's in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though. |
| 54379 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8093 |
Kevin |
Yeah, people hate you. |
| 54380 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8093 |
Andy |
I'll go talk to the manager. Maybe we should just go home. |
| 54381 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8094 |
Man |
Hey! It's Andy Bernard! |
| 54382 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8094 |
All |
Nard Dog! Ree-De-De-De-Doo! |
| 54383 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8094 |
Andy |
Ree-De-De-De-Doo! |
| 54384 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8095 |
Man 1 |
How did it feel to see your lives played out on tv? |
| 54385 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8095 |
David Wallace |
It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It's kinda disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn't wanna know any of it. |
| 54386 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8095 |
Dwight |
With today's modern surveillance technology we are in a constant state of being watched weather it's our government or the government of other countries a.k.a. Google. You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were. |
| 54387 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8095 |
Pete |
Uh, no one recognizes me. But not all my friends call me Plop. So... thanks PBS. |
| 54388 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8096 |
Woman 1 |
Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead? |
| 54389 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8096 |
Pam |
Well, I mean, How do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know. I'm working on something. |
| 54390 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8096 |
Jim |
She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that's fine. |
| 54391 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8096 |
All |
Awww. |
| 54392 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8096 |
Jim |
O-Kay. |
| 54393 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8097 |
Woman 2 |
All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that... he could do anything. Anything. |
| 54394 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8097 |
Pam |
I'm sorry. Is there a question? |
| 54395 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8097 |
Woman 2 |
Uh, no. |
| 54396 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8098 |
Man 2 |
Pam, what was in that teapot letter? |
| 54397 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8098 |
Pam |
Oh, um, well, you know, I... I just... I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself. |
| 54398 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8098 |
Man 2 |
I hear ya. What did it say? |
| 54399 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8098 |
Moderator |
We're gonna move on. Next question please. |
| 54400 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8099 |
Man 3 |
Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore? |
| 54401 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8099 |
Toby |
Yes. |
| 54402 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8100 |
Woman 3 |
I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed. Was it accurate? |
| 54403 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8100 |
Meredith |
I got a beef with that. Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in School Psychology and they didn't show it. Yes, I was getting hammered but, hey, it was college. |
| 54404 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8101 |
Woman 4 |
I have a question for Jim and Pam. Everyone watching sees how much you love each other and how you're soul mates. So, Pam, how could you doubt that when Jim moved to Philadelphia? |
| 54405 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8101 |
Jim |
Um, you know what, I actually didn't handle that move, uh, very gracefully. From not communicating to being a little selfish. |
| 54406 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8101 |
Pam |
Listen, um... I was scared, you know? I loved what I had, and I didn't want to risk it. And I think that maybe I did doubt him a little too. Which was wrong because he's shown me time and again. But when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairy-tale romance. But there were a lot of times last year where it did not feel like a fairy tale. But then it got deeper, and it got stronger and now it's better than a fairy tale. It's like a long book that you never want to end. And you're fine with that because you just never, ever wanna leave it. |
| 54407 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8101 |
Woman 4 |
Like Harry Potter. |
| 54408 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8101 |
Pam |
Yeah, like Harry Potter. |
| 54409 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Joan |
I have a question for Erin. |
| 54410 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Erin |
Really? |
| 54411 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Joan |
Yes. Um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother. |
| 54412 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Erin |
Thank you. |
| 54413 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Joan |
So my question is, um, do... don't you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her. |
| 54414 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Erin |
Maybe sometimes. But not like "hate" hate. More just like, "Mom, I hate you!" And then she would say "go to your room, young lady." And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we'd just have dinner together. But I don't know. I'd have to meet her. Thanks. |
| 54415 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Joan |
Erin... |
| 54416 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Erin |
Yes? |
| 54417 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Joan |
Um...Oh, Erin.. |
| 54418 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Erin |
Yes? Is there a follow-up question? Mom? |
| 54419 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Ed |
Erin... Same question but about your dad? |
| 54420 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8102 |
Moderator |
Well, this feels like a good place to stop. Let's thank all of our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today. Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center don't forget, Irish Step Dancing semifinals. Winning team to Mid-Atlantic. |
| 54421 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8103 |
Kevin |
Where's the, uh, basket for gifts? |
| 54422 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8103 |
Usher |
Right there, sir. |
| 54423 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8103 |
Kevin |
Okay. |
| 54424 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8104 |
Dakota |
Hi, I'm Dakota. |
| 54425 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8104 |
Creed |
Jeff Bomondo. I sell ceramic tile out of Newark. |
| 54426 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8104 |
Dakota |
Nice. |
| 54427 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8104 |
Creed |
My wife's name is Kathryn. I can show you my social security card if it helps. |
| 54428 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Kelly |
Uck, Look at all this mud. Can you imagine if I had worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you 600 bucks mister. |
| 54429 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Ravi |
Thanks for helping out, sweetie. |
| 54430 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Ryan |
Kelly, you're here. |
| 54431 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Kelly |
Hey, Ryan! |
| 54432 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Ryan |
Hey. |
| 54433 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Kelly |
Whose baby is this? Oh, are, like, a nanny now? |
| 54434 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8105 |
Ryan |
No, this little guy is mine. |
| 54435 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8106 |
Ryan |
So I was dating this girl, and one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette. Never came back. Oldest story in the book. |
| 54436 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Ryan |
Say "hi", Drake. |
| 54437 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Kelly |
Drake is your baby's name? |
| 54438 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Ryan |
Yeah. |
| 54439 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Kelly |
That is an amazing name. I'm obsessed with Drake. His last album... it just touched me to pieces. |
| 54440 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Ryan |
No Kelly, he's no named after a hip-hop artist from 2011. It's Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake. |
| 54441 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Kelly |
Cool. Well, he is so cute. Ravi, check out this cute baby. I'm obsessed with him. Ravi is a pediatrician and some of his patients are total uggos. |
| 54442 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8107 |
Ravi |
They're called premature, sweetie. It's good to see you again Ryan. |
| 54443 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8108 |
Phyllis |
Let me help you us. |
| 54444 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8108 |
Angela |
Thanks. Oh. Ouch. |
| 54445 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8108 |
Pam |
Oh, boy. Maybe your heels are too high. |
| 54446 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8108 |
Angela |
No, my heels aren't too high. It's because I spent three hours in a car trunk. Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis. Sorry Phyllis. You didn't know. As long as I can get to the altar. |
| 54447 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8108 |
Phyllis |
Oh, I'm gonna get you to that altar. You can take that to the bank. |
| 54448 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
You ready? |
| 54449 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
You kidding? I was born ready. |
| 54450 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Um... I don't know how to tell you this, but... we have a little bit of a problem. |
| 54451 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
Oh, no. What? |
| 54452 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
The minister just told me that it's tradition for the Bestish Mensch to be older than the groom. |
| 54453 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
Oh, come on. I've never heard of such a thing. |
| 54454 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
I haven't heard of it, obviously. But I'm out because I am significantly younger than you- |
| 54455 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
Not... significant is a big word... |
| 54456 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
I think it's definitely... Well, okay. Either way... |
| 54457 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
I think you're only a teeny... |
| 54458 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
Either way, Dwight... I can't be there for you. I'm sorry. |
| 54459 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
Jim. |
| 54460 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Jim |
I just...really wish there was something I could do. |
| 54461 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Dwight |
Michael. I can't believe you came. |
| 54462 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8109 |
Michael |
That's what she said. |
| 54463 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8110 |
Jim |
Best prank ever. |
| 54464 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8111 |
Minister |
As it is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do. |
| 54465 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8111 |
Nellie |
See, I get what they are trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow? |
| 54466 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8112 |
Kevin |
"Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is passed. The rain is over and gone. The time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is comely. " |
| 54467 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8113 |
Minister |
I now pronounce you man and wife. Release the doves! |
| 54468 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8113 |
Kelly |
Oh. |
| 54469 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8113 |
Kevin |
That's not... |
| 54470 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8113 |
Dwight |
Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming. Now, please take your hay bales to the reception. They'll be used for seating. Complimentary hay hooks are placed alone the aisles. Just stab â˜em on in there. |
| 54471 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8114 |
Dwight |
Everybody! |
| 54472 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8115 |
Jim |
See, now you don't owe me anything. |
| 54473 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ryan |
Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash. And he's hot. |
| 54474 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ravi |
Oh, no. |
| 54475 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ryan |
I was wondering could you maybe examine him for a second? |
| 54476 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ravi |
Oh, yeah, you're not feeling well little guy? Okay, sure. Should we go inside? |
| 54477 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ryan |
Actually, could you go inside? I'm feeling a little dehydrated. I could really use a little break, have some water. |
| 54478 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ravi |
Are you sure you don't wanna go in? |
| 54479 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Kelly |
Ravi, just do it. That baby is burning up. Isn't this, like what you live for? Just go. Go. |
| 54480 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ryan |
Thank you Ravi. Thank you so much. This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you. |
| 54481 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Kelly |
I don't know, Ryan. Baby Drake didn't look so good. |
| 54482 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Ryan |
He'll be fine. I let me suck on a strawberry. He's allergic but he'll get over it fast. I had to talk to you. |
| 54483 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8116 |
Kelly |
You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me? |
| 54484 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8117 |
Pam |
Michael has so many pictures of his kids he had to get two phones with two numbers and he pays two bills. |
| 54485 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8117 |
Pam |
Oh, my gosh, it's choreographed! |
| 54486 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8117 |
Pam |
He just so happy to have a family plan. |
| 54487 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8118 |
Ed |
Where'd you learn to dance like that? |
| 54488 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8118 |
Erin |
I don't know. I've just always been really good at dancing. |
| 54489 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8119 |
Pam |
Is it me? Is it Nellie? |
| 54490 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8119 |
Toby |
It's everything. |
| 54491 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8120 |
Phyllis |
I missed you. |
| 54492 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8120 |
Stanley |
I missed you too. |
| 54493 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8121 |
Phyllis |
Lots of people think that Stanley Hudson's a mean old grump. But would a grump make this? It's me. It's me. |
| 54494 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8122 |
Ryan |
I love you. |
| 54495 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8122 |
Kelly |
I love you too. |
| 54496 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8122 |
Ryan |
We're gonna be together forever. |
| 54497 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8122 |
Kelly |
We're running off into the sunset. |
| 54498 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8122 |
Ryan |
I finally mastered commitment. |
| 54499 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Kevin |
What was that stuff? |
| 54500 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Ravi |
Hey, has anyone seen Ryan... or Kelly? |
| 54501 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Kevin |
Ooh! Yes. Uh, They left together a little while ago. Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together. |
| 54502 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Ravi |
Oh, that's it. Here. Call child services and report an abandoned baby. We'll find a better parent than Ryan in no time. |
| 54503 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Kevin |
Oh, I don't know. |
| 54504 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Nellie |
Um, Kevin? Oh, I can help you with that. Yeah. I mean, I can find someone who will... who will love that beautiful little boy the way he deserves. |
| 54505 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Kevin |
Hey, this is better. |
| 54506 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8123 |
Nellie |
Yes. It is. Oh yes it is. |
| 54507 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8124 |
Nellie |
If Ryan wants his baby back, please tell him where to fine me. We'll be somewhere in Europe. Won't we? |
| 54508 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8125 |
Michael |
I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream. |
| 54509 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Darryl |
Thank you go much. |
| 54510 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Dwight |
Good night. |
| 54511 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Toby |
Good luck. |
| 54512 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Val |
Great. It was really fun. |
| 54513 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Dwight |
Good evening. |
| 54514 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Val |
The Doc crew's throwing a big after party in the warehouse tonight. |
| 54515 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Darryl |
Yeah, I heard. It sounds kinda lame. No offense. You going, Toby? |
| 54516 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Toby |
Oh, I don't know. I might turn in early. |
| 54517 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Andy |
It's only 6:00. Come on, everybody's going. |
| 54518 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Meredith |
You have to go, Toby. |
| 54519 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Pete |
Yeah, come on, Tobes. |
| 54520 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Val |
Come on. |
| 54521 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Toby |
Yeah. I'll stop by. |
| 54522 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8126 |
Pete |
There he is! |
| 54523 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
I need to get out of this dress. |
| 54524 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
I gotta get out of this dress. |
| 54525 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Carol |
Oh, I'm sorry Pam. |
| 54526 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
What's going on? |
| 54527 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Why are you still here? |
| 54528 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Carol |
I'm so sorry. They were an hour late. |
| 54529 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
No, really, what's going on? |
| 54530 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Okay, Okay. Um... so... this past year has been really great, and you've been great and I just... I know that you had to make this choice and you had to give something up for me. But I never want you to have to give up anything. I just thought if I could get us an offer then there wouldn't be anything standing in our way and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture... and show you all at once just how much I love you and how much I really do believe in your future. |
| 54531 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
Sorry, how long have you been showing the house? |
| 54532 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
About 2 months |
| 54533 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
That's why it's so clean. |
| 54534 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Yeah. |
| 54535 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
I mean, you were gonna do this without me? |
| 54536 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Well, you... you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you. |
| 54537 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
Oh... okay. Where would we go? |
| 54538 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Austin? Maybe. |
| 54539 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
I promise you, you don't have to do this for me. |
| 54540 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
I'm doing it for us. |
| 54541 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
The last... |
| 54542 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Buyer |
Okay. We'll take it. |
| 54543 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
Hold on a second. The last few months have meant the world to me and all I care about... |
| 54544 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
Hold on a second. Wait, what did you just say? |
| 54545 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Buyer |
We wanna buy your house. |
| 54546 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
You wanna do this? |
| 54547 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
I wanna do this. |
| 54548 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
You really want to do this? |
| 54549 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Pam |
I really want to do this! |
| 54550 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8127 |
Jim |
Oh my God! |
| 54551 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8128 |
Jim |
Hey, Darryl. |
| 54552 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8128 |
Darryl |
What? All right! |
| 54553 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8128 |
Pam |
We're so excited. |
| 54554 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8129 |
Phyllis |
Cool. |
| 54555 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8129 |
Woman |
Oh, that's for PBS executives only. |
| 54556 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8129 |
Stanley |
I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this. |
| 54557 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8130 |
David Wallace |
I think your ideas are fantastic, Oscar. I'd love to contribute to your campaign. |
| 54558 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8130 |
Oscar |
Thank you David. |
| 54559 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8131 |
Pam |
Uh, could I please have your attention? So a year ago, I got my first art commission to paint a mural for Dunder Mifflin and I decided to paint the history of paper...,which was just some trees and stuff. And then someone spray painted a bunch of butts on it and I had to start from the beginning. But it all worked out for the best because I think that I've painted the perfect thing which is the history of us. All of us. And this is for you Jim. And go ahead! |
| 54560 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8131 |
Pam |
Everyone, Let's take our picture in front of the mural. Oh, um, I just...I kind of meant just everybody from the office. |
| 54561 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8132 |
Photographer |
Very nice. Just a couple dozen more. Smiles, everybody, smiles. All right, that's great. I got enough. Thank you, everybody. |
| 54562 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8133 |
Jim |
Let's go outside |
| 54563 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8133 |
Pam |
Okay. |
| 54564 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8134 |
Stanley |
Okay, I need a drink. |
| 54565 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8134 |
Kevin |
Yeah, we all need a drink. What the...there's only dandelion tea and raisins in here. |
| 54566 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8134 |
Meredith |
Hey, bottom drawer. |
| 54567 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8134 |
Kevin |
Yes! |
| 54568 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8135 |
Pam |
Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Oh, I'm sorry. Jim Halpert doesn't work here anymore. |
| 54569 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8136 |
Pam |
I didn't watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I'm a tragic person. I'm really happy now. But...it would just...just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself "be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn't that long." |
| 54570 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8137 |
Kevin |
If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience, it's that if you film anybody long enough, they're going to do something stupid. It's only human natural. |
| 54571 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Dwight |
Hey guys. |
| 54572 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Angela |
Hi. |
| 54573 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
All |
Hey! |
| 54574 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Pam |
What about the honeymoon? |
| 54575 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Angela |
Oh, the honeymoon can wait till tomorrow. We wanted to hang out with you guys. I mean, when are we all going to be here together again? |
| 54576 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Dwight |
Aww, J, P and D. The Three Amigos. Ah, it warms my heart. Hey, what do you say, when I get back from out honeymoon, the three of us have a conference room meeting just for fun? What is that meaningful look? |
| 54577 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8138 |
Jim |
You know what? Maybe we should talk. |
| 54578 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8139 |
Darryl |
Hey, come here. You guys need to see this. |
| 54579 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8139 |
Kevin |
What is it? |
| 54580 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8139 |
Andy |
You're probably sitting there wondering what will be your mark. What will you be known for? It might surprise you to learn... |
| 54581 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Pam |
I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing... |
| 54582 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Jim |
Athleap. |
| 54583 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Pam |
And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat. We'll come back to visit. But I think it's time for us to officially... |
| 54584 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Dwight |
No, don't say it. You're fired! You're both fired! |
| 54585 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Jim |
Dwight, come on. Don't end on a bad note. |
| 54586 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Dwight |
Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance. The best I can do one month for every year you've been here. That's the max. |
| 54587 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Pam |
Thanks Dwight. |
| 54588 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Jim |
Hey, and if you're ever in Austin... |
| 54589 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Dwight |
Woah. Right. For what, the art? The music? The incredible nightlife? No thank you. But if you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn. |
| 54590 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8140 |
Jim |
There it is. |
| 54591 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8141 |
Dwight |
Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So... have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So...yes. I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates. |
| 54592 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8142 |
Andy |
You might feel sorry for me but I actually feel sorry for you. Because you're about to leave Cornell. So say it with me: : Oh, I can so just sit here and cry. |
| 54593 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8142 |
Kevin |
Oh, Yes! |
| 54594 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8142 |
Darryl |
You did good. Real good. |
| 54595 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8142 |
Andy |
Thanks Dad...Darryl. |
| 54596 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8143 |
Andy |
I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group. The weird thing is now, I'm exactly where I wanna be. I got my dream job at Cornell and I'm still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they're the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that. |
| 54597 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8144 |
Oscar |
You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It's not much. But if you see it in the right way...And that's what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami. |
| 54598 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8145 |
Creed |
Uh..ohh! |
| 54599 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8146 |
Creed |
I saw a friend today. It had been a while. And we forgot each others names. But it didn't matter. â˜Cause deep inside the feeling still remained the same... |
| 54600 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8147 |
Jim |
Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life. You could see yourself change and make mistakes...and grow up. You could watch yourself fall in love, watch yourself become a husband, become a father. You guys gave that to me. And that's...an amazing gift. |
| 54601 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8148 |
Phyllis |
Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome. |
| 54602 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8148 |
Jim |
Thanks Phyl. |
| 54603 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8148 |
Creed |
I still have my medal from that. |
| 54604 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8148 |
Angela |
Do you even have a mattress? |
| 54605 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8148 |
Creed |
No, but I still have my medal from that. |
| 54606 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Kevin |
Oscar. Oscar. I think I'm gay. |
| 54607 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Oscar |
Why do you say that? |
| 54608 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Kevin |
It's just that I'm so emotional. |
| 54609 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Oscar |
Yeah, but you're not gay. You're not gay. |
| 54610 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Kevin |
No, but maybe the reason... |
| 54611 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8149 |
Oscar |
You're not gay. |
| 54612 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8150 |
Creed |
And all the faces that I know have that same familiar glow. I think I must have known them somewhere once before. |
| 54613 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8151 |
Erin |
How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work? |
| 54614 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8152 |
Darryl |
Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now? |
| 54615 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8153 |
Creed |
It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But... no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home. Let's do this. |
| 54616 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8154 |
Meredith |
I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone sister. Let's get a beer sometime. |
| 54617 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8155 |
Phyllis |
I'm happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down. |
| 54618 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8156 |
Jim |
I sold paper at this company for 12 years. My job was to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper. Even if I didn't love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid...wonderful...boring...amazing job. |
| 54619 |
9 |
24 |
Finale |
8157 |
Pam |
I thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary. But all in all...I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point? |